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Hey, this is Redband, and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out tonyhinchcliffe.com for everything. The Golden Pony, Tony Henchcliffe. You can also check out shopsquad TV for Death Squad merch hats, mugs, whatever. Shop Squad tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is RA Coming to you live from the comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas, for a brand new episode of Kil. Tony. Get up for Tony. It's Glenn. Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Yippee. Make some noise for the Red Band, ladies and gentlemen. And that's the best damn band in all of the land. Make some fucking noise for them, everybody. There they are. Rahul Fernando Castillo. Carlos Sosa. Michael Gonzalez, Nachos Belgrande. Matt Muling on the electric. John D's on the keys. And that's D Madness on the bass guitar. Hell yeah. What an episode we have for you. This is brought to you by Netflix, where we are currently right now in the top 10 with our hit new episode, Once Upon a Time in Texas, live on Netflix. It was taped here on New Year's Eve. Go watch it on Netflix if you haven't already. Tell your family to watch it. Just keep it rolling over and over again and that's all good. You guys excited to be here? Very good. Very exciting stuff. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made tonight's episode available for you right here, right now. It's okay not to be perfect with finances. Experian is your big financial friend and here to help. Did you know you can get matched with credit cards on the app? Some cards are labeled no ding decline, which means if you're not approved, they won't hurt your credit scores. Download the Experian app for free today. Applying for no ding decline cards won't hurt your credit scores. If you aren't initially approved. Initial approval will result in a hard inquiry which may impact your credit scores. Experian Redban uploaded the wrong episode to YouTube this week. He literally uploaded last week's episode to YouTube. So right now there's just about three quarters of a million people angry on the Internet right now. So Redban is going to leave and go upload the episode. I, for the first time ever in the show's history, will be on sound effects and it's going to be an exciting start to the show. Red band's gone. This is what we've always wanted, ladies and gentlemen. Go upload the fucking episode. Red Band. We live in Austin, Texas, but we are jumping in a tour bus, ladies and gentlemen, and we are taking the actual Kil Tony show to Houston, Texas. Texas, February 28th and Dallas March 28th. Go to tonyhinchcliffe.com for tickets right now. Come see an actual kill Tony show in the great state of Texas. One in Houston February 28th. One in Grand Prairie March 28th. Tony Hinchcliffe.com get tickets now. Are you guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what? Hell yeah. Rain or shine, the fun never ends. Ladies and gentlemen, every single week, I book two of the funniest people on the world on the show. This week's no different. Make some fucking noise for Steve Byrne and Tommy Pope, everybody. Here we go. Yes. Steve Burns. He's the man. Tommy Pope, live in the flesh. We are going to have some fucking fun tonight, ladies and gentlemen. It's been a while since Steve Burns been on the show. Comedy Store legend, One of the people that, when I started, one of the few people there was to look up to back in the day. Fun guy. We've spent each night drinking here in Austin, having a blast and welcome. Yep. Thank you. Steve's the man. Tommy, you and I get drunk all the time together. Drink. I love you guys. We're gonna have so much fun. You guys have done this show before. Obviously, you know how it works. Over 300 people have signed up. I mean, this thing is. It might be more than usual. Is it more than a drink? Upwards of 300. Above 300. Thank you. Yeah. What are you drinking tonight, Steve? Liquid cocaine. Perfect. I'm gonna let the corpse of JonBenet Ramsey pick the first bucket pool here. Oh, my God. That's how it goes. Very good. Thank you so much. Right off the top, you guys know how it works. They get 60 seconds, you know their time is up, and you know the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up. They bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. Wow. It's so fucking easy to do red band's job. Who would have possibly have guessed? It's unbelievable. Wow. My God. I mean, yeah, it's literally the easiest thing in the fucking world, but guess who's not here? Red band. Red band's not here. That's what he would have said if he was here. While we go wrangle that first bucket pool, we have a Golden ticket winner here who's gonna cash in tonight and get the show started. Ladies and gentlemen, make some fucking noise. This is your first minute of the night by JJ Alexander, everybody. Here he is. Make some noise for jj. You know, I started reading a lot of history books recently and I came across this book. It's called Bear My Heart and Wounded Knee. It's a total and complete history of Native America. And I was reading this book and I was thinking about modern politics. And I think you can say whatever you want about Donald Trump is as the president. If we look back at history, he would have made an excellent Native American war chief. Do you want to know the group of people who could have used Donald Trump's immigration plan the most? The original Native Americans. That's who could have used it. You know, he's like, the white people are coming here bringing tea, bringing crime, some of whom could be good people. Not these people. They're horrible. Very bad. There's angry Andrew Jackson. Nobody likes this guy. He put me on a trail. I cried the entire time. Yes, I did. And where do we end up? Oklahoma. What a shithole, this place. No one even likes it, though. It's horrible. And then we made a deal with the whites. We gave them all of the land and they gave us beads. Why, if I was negotiating, I would have gotten us way more beads. We're gonna make Native America great again, you know? Thank you guys so much for your time. Thank boom. J.J. alexander getting us started with a good take, decent Trump impression. Thank you, bro. How's it feeling? How's life going, dude? Holy shit, this is awesome. I'm so happy, man. I just got back, I did the Denver Improv. I headlined for the first time. It was like life changing moment for me. So I was. Cause of this show, man. Thank you so much. Absolutely. Yeah. Then also I went to Sioux Falls with Enrique Chacon. It was pretty crazy. Yeah, tell us about that. Yeah, so me and Enrique are supposed to do it. I was supposed to feature and Enrique was supposed to headline. And I get a text at 5am because that's when the flight was. And then he was like, hey, bro, I'm not gonna make it, man. No. And he's like, I gotta get on the flight. So his flight was gonna get in at 10, but the show was supposed to start at 7. So the guy that ran the show was like, hey, guess what? We're just gonna start the show an hour late. The host that was supposed to do 10 minutes is now doing 30 minutes. And you're gonna go until Enrique gets there. And I did, by the way. I have 45 minutes of material. I did an hour and 30 minutes. Wow. Just a lot of Trump doing a native American impression. It was long. It was way long. 45 minutes. Yeah. Wow. The guy was like, hey, you're going to do an hour of material and then you're going to do 30 minutes of crowd work. And I'm like, oh, shoot. I was. I don't got it. So how'd it go? Were you panicked? Did you end up relaxing? Was the crowd with you? It kind of loosened up after a little bit, but it was. It was weird. Also, like the place that we did, there's a water park inside of it. There's a water park inside of the comedy club? Yeah. You should be around a water park. 100%. Yeah. Yeah, dude, I'll tell you that. Yeah. You should have seen how fast me and Enrique went down those water slides, dude. It was nuts reasons, dude. Oh, yeah, no, we went. Dude, I'm not sure if you've been a fat guy on a water slide. It's like the best, dude. I was going like. I was like. I was in Top Gun just going down this water slides just like. Like faster than normal. Fat guys fall faster. Oh, dude, it was. It was like a greased up whale going down a slide, dude. It was nuts. Amazing. Yeah. I kept my shirt on though. Yeah. Shirt on guy. Enrique's shirt on too? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was very. A little bit wetter than usual on Enrique. Let me see those fat tits, dude. Take that. Tommy's trying to see those tits. Take that hoodie off. Let me see those fat tits. How many? You want to see his tits right now? The first comic of the night. Show your tits. Let's see those tits, dude. Racist. Show your white tits. Tommy wants the tits, bro. Please be pink. Please be pink. Oh, no. Well, no. What do you have big areolas? I'll take over for red band. What are you afraid of? What exactly is it that you're shy about right now? Can you describe your tits to us at least? Yeah, they're very voluptuous. I need to work. I need to lose some weight for sure. But yeah, I don't know, I just. I feel like my shirtless body on the Internet is not good. Yeah, no, of course. All right. Tommy's taken aback. He's backtracking, kitten. You're very seductive eyes, Tommy, dude. Yeah, I have nice eyes. Very, very pretty. Chip brown, right? Yeah. Look at the lashes, though. Look at him Fucking bounce. It's like my boobs, dude. Show me your fat tits. Jj, how else has your life changed since winning a golden ticket on kill? It's been. It's been incredible, man. Just like the. Like the. The comedy stuff's been going great. You know, actually, me and Mason Bird work at the same Dutch Bros right now. There's another guy that got the gold Dutch Bros. Yeah, we still. I got. I got him a job at the Dutch Bros. So. Yeah, me and him are just making coffees. Dude, it's been great. I've been just crushing chocolate milk, man. Like a lot. Get out. Yeah, dude, tell us more about this chocolate milk. Yeah, so I tracked it. I, like, started doing math because you get as many drinks as you want when you work at Dutch, bro. You can just drink as much as you want. They don't stop you. How happy this boy? My life's. Life's going great. I got a golden ticket on kill, Tony. I just. I'm drinking as much chocolate milk as I want, man. Sweet. Holy. Largest five year old I've ever heard. Yeah, dude, I love. No. So you can drink as much chocolate milk as you want, and I tracked it. So apparently I've been drinking about 32 ounces of chocolate milk a day. Like, that's a Big Gulp cup. Full, no ice. That's what I'm crushing every day. That's why your earlobes are milking. Yeah, dude, I got some big areolas. Look greater. I can. I can breastfeed you right now. Please. Again? You're the one afraid to. I'll show my tits if you suck on them. No, I'm kidding. He'll. Okay, now. Now we're negotiating here. Hold on. Now we're negotiating. No, no, hold on a second. Ton, This is so much fun. I. Dude, dude. Cow noise, cow noise. I'm gonna do the cow noise when you pull out those fat tits. Dude, not gonna do it now. You have a force field around those tits. Enough with the bullshit. Let's see your fucking tits, right? Let's see em. I wanna see some big, milky pe. Pepperoni nipple titties right now. Okay, let's do it. Junior Andy Reid, pull out your tits. Thank God you put the AR15 down and did some standup. Now pull out a titty. He's had a lot of peanut butter. I won't. He's a little thirsty puppy. He. Look at me. Look at me. He's a thirsty puppy. Can we at least see your belly button? We'll settle for a belly Button. Oh, he's proud of his belly button, ladies and gentlemen. Here it is. Yeah. All right. Oh, yeah. Also, to fill time in Sioux Falls, I drew a face on my belly and I started making it talk to kill time. Really? Yeah. I was like. I did. I did like a. Work at a coffee shop. Yeah, I work at a coffee shop. Yeah. I really like chocolate milk. I can't stop thinking about it. Sorry. So, yeah, I did. I was doing impressions with the belly button. That's what I do. Like, I did. I was like. I was like, I could do a Bill Cosby impression. Okay, let's hear it. And I was like, just right. Yeah. Okay. So this is what I did. I was like, okay, everybody, let's get ready. You guys like impressions? Ok. Make some noise for you. Like impressions. Ok. Ok, here it is. You could have just done it, but ok. They didn't need to do that part. And I did that and it killed. I still got. I gotta see this hour and a half set. It's called killing time with J.J. alexander. JJ, fun times. Congratulations. Did it started the show tonight. There you go. Thank you, guys. Appreciate it. Absolutely. All right. There he goes. To the bucket we go now. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the heartbeat of the show. Oh, oh. The lovely Heidi and Valerie, ladies and gentlemen. Catch their podcast@Heidy Regina.com. so fun. All right, our first bucket bowl tonight. We're gonna meet them all together. Make some noise. 60 seconds uninterrupted for Yeehee, everybody. Here comes yeehee. Here we go. One more time. Make some noise for Yeehee, everybody. Thank you, Austin. You know, most women get preyed on P R E y, but I get preyed on P R A Y. Hell yeah, I'm blessed. You know, A lot of people think that I would swipe right on anyone. I'm gonna tell you right now, as soon as I see wheels, I'm swiping left. Like, we can't both be physically, like, vulnerable, you know what I'm saying? We gotta, like, make IKEA furniture, you know, like, we gotta go to UPS store, return some Amazon packages. But when it comes to people I actually date, it's mostly military men. And the thing about them is civilian men, non military. They would tell me about how strong I am, like, just all day. But with military guys, a lot of their friends, legs been blown off and I got both of mine, you know what I'm saying? I'm a peg above them, you know? Peg, anyone? Thank you. Fuck yeah. Yee he. Welcome to the show. Oh, look who's back. Man, we were really struggling without you. Don't know. I don't know why y' all got so many stairs. There he is. All right. Why are there so many stairs? I mean, you know, I have a feeling you say that all the time. Yeah, you know, Houston comedy scenes just as much. Full of stairs or even worse. So you're in Houston? That's where you live? Yeah, I'm annoying about it too. It's. Hold it down. I'm like a Kool Aid man through a wall. But like oriental wall. Okay. Hell yeah. Like the rice paper wall. You. That's not very Korean. We are more high tech than that. So why. I'm Korean. I know, but why are you saying thank you to me right now? Look here. Because it's over. Oh, you said I'm cute. Someone said I'm cute. I'm Korean and I need subtitles. It's Yehi. Yay. All right, sorry. Thank you. Yay. He. Welcome, welcome. How long you been doing stand up comedy? Seven months since May. I love it. What made you want to get started? My life's a joke, but like in a very disabled way. So was Fat tits? Like, no. Recently I got an award for being the most resilient. Isn't that incredible? Yeah, that's amazing. Where'd you get this award from? Pop the balloon. I got on a dating show just to be funny. I knew it was gonna be like a real life Tinder situation where they see the crushes and they're like, nah, she can't. She can't bang. So you know. And then they all popped on me like exactly what I thought it would happen. Yeah. And then they gave me the most resilient reward I love for that. So let's talk about it. Yeehi. What do you do for work? I am an online math teacher. Online math teacher. I know. And I. Get the out of here. I. I work online cause I'm disabled, but I teach math cause I'm Asian. It's incredible, dude. It's wonderful, isn't it? Logging on with those crutches must be so difficult. I used to be in a wheelchair, so. Screw you. I'm doing great. I'm sorry. And now look at you with the world's largest chopsticks. Listen, so what exactly is the condition that you have? Her favorite or Red Band's favorite. Guess what? Cerebral palsy. Exactly. Yes. Finally. Right? Very cute back there, by the way. So what? Jake. Oh, never mind. Coulter. You accused him of having cerebral palsy and he's back where? Waiting. Where we all have wristbands. What do you think? Where? He's at the bar? Yes. Okay. You said back there like he's back there. That. Okay, Come on now. Okay. All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right. You're fair. Fair, fair, fair. Yay. He. So you used to be in a wheelchair. How did you do physical therapy your way up like this? I'm just Mulan, you know. You're what? I'm Mulan the movie. No. You know what? You ruined this joke. Yeah. Physical therapy. Okay. Very good. Way to go. So. Yay. He. What exactly is. What do you do for fun? What do you. When you're not online? Math teaching and doing stand up. What else is there about you? I like to go to the gym. You're funny. You really are funny. What else though? Yehi. Tell us more. I like journaling and little stickers. Like really, like cutesy little, you know. I don't know. You're an Asian girl. Just a typical Asian girl. Just a girl. 100%. 100. Both parents are super Korean. What do they think about you doing comedy? I have. My mom thinks I'm at the gym. Got it. And your dad thinks you mine. What? It. Your. Your mom thinks you're at the gym. But she hates being perceived and I'm being the most perceived right now. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. He. Tell us more about your life though. What? Just. Are you really out there on dating sites? What are you doing? What's the last date you went on? I'm actually with a military guy. You really are? Yeah. And he's. He's fully functional. Yeah. Okay. He's got like a bunch of ribbons and everything. It's phenomenal. He like, operates tanks. It's literally the opposite of what I am. He's lying, dude. Yeah. This guy doesn't exist. Yeah. Stolen valley. He's got a fetish. Yeah. And he threw on a fucking army coat, bought some fake ribbons on fucking Amazon. He's knocking this girl around till she walks straight. Big. Yep. I would have walked straight already. So. So. And what? Yay. He. Where'd you meet this guy? At tender a while ago. Okay. How long have you been with them? We've been on and off for like a while. For like 6 years. Very on and off. But you know. Yeah. That's great. Very good. Yeah. Is he here tonight? He's in Georgia. Yes. Yeah. There we go. There we go. Yeah. He works at Old Navy. Travel a lot. Babe. He's not in the military. Yeah, no, he lives a block away. Yeah, totally Above a milkshake. He's. Yeah, like, he's like, in a monastery in China or something. He's done that, actually, and no one believes me, so. Monastery in China? Is that what he calls your. Let me ask you this. So you live in Houston. How often do you drive down here to sign up for kill? Tony. This is my ninth time. First. First time was my birthday, and I actually was so excited. I got two balloons. One that says happy birthday, and the other one said, get well soon. And I thought you would really love that, Tony. Well, that's how it works sometimes. Don't get pulled. Had to feel sad taking those balloons back in the car and packing them up and driving back to Houston after that. It's actually the first time today. Today is the first time I drove here alone. And I shouldn't say that in public. Wow. But what are the. What are the odds? An Asian woman. There he is, driving in streets of Austin. There he is, deceased at 1205. Oh, my God. Don't say that out loud. What kind of. What kind of car do you drive? Yay. I found that Asians are extremely loyal to Asian car brands. God. Close your ears. Nissan Ultima. There it is. Nissan. You went Japanese. You didn't go home. You know, my mom said that, too. I know. I know. Korean. Bad Korean. Wow, look at these Koreans biting each other yet again. North versus south over here. You're giving me trauma right now, dude. Like my. I had to bring my dad the milk. So, please, you got to be nice to me. Yeah. How old are you? I'm 30. Wow. All right, red band. You want to invite her to the secret show? Lord knows you do. She did do very. She was very funny. I missed it. I don't have a secret show for a couple weeks, but in a couple weeks, yes, I would love to have you on the secret show. There you go. Yay. Hey, congratulations. And here's a. Here's a big joke. Don't throw it to me. That's a hate crime. I bet you. I bet you catch it. I'm really good at throwing it. I'm really good at throwing it. Yeah, he trusts me. But you're. I'm gonna. I'm gonna land it. Pass it down. No, I'm not. I'm gonna. Yay. He. Look at me. I am the teacher here. Basically, your fears. I could easily stand up straight. Put your arm near your chest. Well, maybe not straight, but as best as you can, take your hand off the Microphone. Put it close to your chest. Right there. Don't move it. Don't panic. Don't move. Don't you move. If you move, you're gonna ruin this for both of us. Yeah. This is kill cody. Oh, yeah. Now we're cooking, baby. How about another hand for Yay. He Everybody, This is where it happens. This is where the magic happens. Everybody. Wow. You got to see someone fucking face their fears there. There's no way I'm gonna catch it, Tony. There's nothing that can happen where I'll possibly catch these. Jokebooks. NFL films worst. That's what I do. I just set people up for success. That's gonna be it. Insane ability. Send it straight to the highlight reel. 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I'm gonna try again on New Year's. I'm pretty sexually adventurous, folks. I've gotten like 300 Asian massages with happy endings. I call them Jackie Chan. Big fan of Jackie Chan. These massages are so good. They're too good because now I can't come without Asian woman sound effects. Oh, wow. Women are like, there you go. Blake Apatow. Welcome, Blake. How are you doing? Fantastic, brother. How long you been doing stand up? At about five years. We're at Colorado, Hawaii, and then here the last couple years. Okay. You live in Austin now? Yeah. Okay. And what do you do for work? How do you make money? I'm a bartender just a couple blocks away. Oh, nice. Here on Dirty six. Yeah. You see a lot of crazy. Yeah, definitely a decent bit. Give us an example of the nuttiest thing you've seen on these wild streets of Austin, Texas. Yeah. So I will say immigration. People are talking a lot about immigration. Everyone's fucking pissed about immigration. All right. I was dating this Brazilian woman next door, the coffee shop next door. And I just. We got into it one night. She was in. She was in a fake marriage to a gay American citizen, which is just. Yeah, kind of something fascinating at some level I respect. I feel like if you like convince Americans to marry you. You earned it, you know you deserved it. But this, I feel like we could also Stop it. I don't know, it's just the fake marriages, it's just interesting to me. I was like, we could test for that. There's an immigration interview, a man and a woman. I feel like we could have maybe the wife or the husband eat the wife's pussy or something. Some sort of test to see if it's a real couple. Cuz a gay guy could never eat a woman's pussy. If a gay guy touches a pussy, he turns to stone. We know that. I haven't seen Chris Dalie in a few years. He's pretty cool. Yeah. I wish you were handicapped and Chinese. Yeah. Running a 45 40. Yeah. Hell yeah. Hey bro, you came in the restaurant one time. How you doing, Steve? Yeah, thank you. It's good to see you again. Absolutely. 100. I remember specifically bro, you wanted double A dressing and I only came out with one. I'm sorry about that, bro. It's okay. Well, I, I, look, I, I, I, I really appreciated your act. I like the bit about your cousin because believe it or not, I was attracted to a cousin of mine and I, I hate to say this, I actually had sex with her so hard she can't walk anymore. Oh hell yeah. Yeah. But she can catch a joke book. Blake, what's your dating life like? You seem like a real womanizer. You have that, you have that voluminous hair that you pretend like you're not strategically taking care of. Blatantly. You're obsessed with that. I can just picture you in the mirror fluffing it up. I know a thousand guys like you try to run off of hair. Confidence. Go ahead, tell us about your love life. Okay, so I know dating is pretty fun. I'm like, I'm in real, really in love with the divine feminine right now. I went on three dates in one day. The other day. What does that mean, a divine feminine? Well, I hate this. I saw YouTuber on these side. I love you guys. Can I tell you if I had your hair? If I had your hair, I'd grow it out. I travel everywhere. Horseback. It's. Yes. Astounding. I like that. Naked horseback. When you say three dates the other day, what do you mean? So I went on 4pm Coffee date with a 51 year old. Okay. Somebody's mom wants. You're back in my heart. Back in my heart. So how did that go? Why'd you do that? Well, that's the Thing is, she had these beautiful dark curls and I. Sometimes I get bored. I know, just scrolling and I go, like, usually, whatever. Like 20 to 30 is the age range. Sometimes I just blow it out. 18, 80 plus, you know, bang your grandma. Right? But yeah. And then. Did you do anything with that lady? So we made out that day. We hung out two nights ago, though. I mean, have you ever gotten a 30 minute hot oil massage from a woman half a century year old? Wow, that's unbelievable. I mean, so you hung out with her? Yes. You made out with her yesterday? Yeah, well, she was sick. It was a whole thing. I went home for a week and we. And I wanted. Dying. Yeah. Polio. Yeah. Yeah. We were watching this documentary and he was just like talking about, like, it was Don't Die by Brian Johnson. Really good. Check it out. But he was talking about, like, how. How how what happens at 70 years old. Like, how all the serious, like, health markers and that drop off. And it was pretty funny because I was looking at him like, you paying attention? This is pretty important for you? But, yeah, she jacked me off for like 30 minutes. Was amazing. I feel like old people. 30 minutes. Sorry I'm spitting on you. But yeah, that's the thing is I felt like young people, like kind of chaotic and just want to quick and like, I kept, like, she kept me, like, slow, easy, easy. And then. Yeah, these experiences. Yeah. Stretching it out. And she was like, like telling me the pacing and stuff. All right, that's enough. God, you're so annoying. I was just getting back. Jesus Christ. But the. Okay, here's a medium joke book. There he goes. All right. Blake Apatow, ladies and gentlemen. That was great audio. Good job, buddy. We're gonna keep it moving along. Good job, Blake. Good enough long, drawn out stories, though. Jesus. Gonna keep it moving here. Oh, we know this guy. This is a wild, wild Texan. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Tommy Tickles, everybody. Here's Tommy Tickles live in the flesh. The return of Tommy Tickle. I hate audience participation exercises. Who's with me? I'm getting older. I'm growing a bald spot. If my granny would have said, if you don't stop doing that, you're going to go bald. Well, then she would have been right. I know. I'm getting older and I'm getting older. I'm going to massage parlors just to get a massage. My skin's starting to wrinkle when I'm talking. When black people talk to me, I've noticed they subconsciously lick their Lips. And I think it's cause I'm starting to look like fried chicken. Joke of the night so far, Tommy Tickles. Sticking the landing there. Very good, Tommy. Addie, you're actually getting better. Thank you, sir. I'm seeing growth here. I did the mic thing. I moved the mic out of the way. Look at you. You're like a real pro. Yeah, I love it. You're also super likable coming off of the last guy. I gotta tell you, it's just good to have a. A real human up here, not a sociopath serial killer pretending to mix in with old patchy pants. So how's life been going, Tommy Tickles? Life's been going good. Right now it's baby season out on the farm and ranch. What does that mean? Explain to the people who don't have ranches with babies. My wife. We go crazy. No, we have a bunch of sheep and goats. And now that we're having a bunch of sheep, having babies right now. So it's all hands on deck. Three times a day, feeding baby sheep. Sheep. Hi. And how many Afghans visit the farm? How many what? Thank you, Tommy Tickles. Yay. Absolutely perfect. So the sheep are banging or they're just having babies? Are they done banging? How does it go? They get to see them have sex? Oh, yeah. It takes about five months. Geez. All right, you. Oh, yeah. This guy jerking off in the corner. Oh, yeah. I get to watch him a lot. Tony. Yeah, you kidding? Oh, yeah. Y' all don't know this, but Red Band came out to the ranch. Now I've got two sheep and a goat. They'll never be the same. Walking. Yeah, they're coming out with this face on them. Bad. Poor sheep. Yeah. Yeah. Red Band's jokes are bad. Nice. Tommy, you ever seen what. What does it explain to the people? Because we don't know. Explain. Tommy, what's going on over there? Having a side combo? No. Have you ever. Can you describe to the audience what a sheep's looks like exactly? The world wants to know. I can if you what? And what brand of peanut butter do you use? You know, it's interesting. We had a hermaphrodite sheep. Ooh. It was bored of a little girl and cutest little thing. One of the first ones we had. Her name was Shotzi. And then about like, six months later, her balls dropped. And so she's out there chasing female sheep like a male and getting them all riled up. So I looked into it. You can name it. Yay. He, she. Yeah. No, I fits right in around here. From a performer that was on earlier. Guys, I don't know if you've been paying attention, but Yehishi, that's it. That's comedy. Okay. Vadigee. Thank you. I'm Stevie Tickles. Have you noticed. Have you noticed that the other sheep don't really take a liking to the trans sheep sheep that you have? Yeah, nobody likes her, right? Nobody liked her. Did she. Did she dye her sheep hair purple or anything? Does she make coffees for the other sheep? Really? Well, mailboxes do. You make a hell of a latte. She was one. She was one of our favorites, though, so she got a lot of attention from us. I bet. I bet that's why they call you Tommy Tickles. One of the reasons, right, Tommy, do you own an AR15 by chance? You look like every mass serial killer I've ever. The old school. That's what they used to look like. Now they look like as trans sheep. Yeah, that's what they look like now coming in there, just. No, sir, I don't own an AR15, but I was a scout sniper in the Marine Corps and I have a.308 Winchester. Oh, yeah. Goddamn right. All right. You were great. Great tonight. Yeah, they were fantastic. My favorite. So much, dude. Thank you very much. How can I follow you online, Tommy? Have you been going up a lot? Because that was way better than your last. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did about a hundred open mics. Let's go. Been doing it. Trying to go down to San Antonio, hit up a couple of spots down there. I didn't know it, you know, a year ago, but this is a passion. This is, you know, you get into it, you get a couple of laughs, and then all of a sudden you're like, holy smokes, this is great. You're adorable, Tommy. Yeah, yeah, you're adorable. You should tell everybody you have two passions. Comedy and sheep. No, I don't even like sheep. Why don't you like the sheep? Tell us why you don't like the sheep. Explain to us. We don't own ranches. Oh, they're great. From. From when they're babies all the way up into three months. They are cute and everything. Then they're like 200 pounds. And I've had them knock me about 10ft sideways. You know, they come up from behind you and they think they're still your friend. And that's what they do to their friend. They come up and butt you, and then all of a sudden, they. You're not built for that. That 600. £600 is. Can I ask you a question? Do you end their life? I live on a farm and ranch and. You know. Answer the fucking question. What? What's the question? You put a.45 in their fucking sc. Tommy, Tommy, Tommy. Tommy. Tickles. He really throws off the scent with his name. But do you kill sheep? Look at us. No, do you kill. Do you end your lives? How do they die? Look at me. And they're paralyzed. All right, all right. Jesus Christ Almighty. I use a knife. He kills the sheep. Look. He kills the baby sheep. Sheep. No, not the babies. No. Hell no. We. Yeah, you people bring their babies to us to. To, you know, so we take care of them and make sure they live. So we try to give them the. The sheep that we do have. You know, they're. You're sp right now, dude. You murder sheep for a living? No. Okay, guys. You said you killed. Really driving home this sheep killing thing. Really making a point. He's a ranch hand. Hey, ranch hand is also what Red Band has, guys. Okay, Tommy. All right, you got this. Tommy just disengaged from the show right now. I love it. We're gonna keep moving along. Tommy Tickles. Great stuff. Tommy Pope. Just focus in. Ranch hand is also what Red Band has on Friday nights when he dips his pizza in ranch dressing. He's got a ranch hand and a blue cheese hand. Look out. He's a big boy. Hello, my dear friends. This podcast is sponsored by Talk Space. Talk Space is the number one rated online therapy bringing you professional support from licensed therapists and psychiatrists that you can access anytime, anywhere. Talk Space therapy and psychiatry is covered by most insurers and most insured. Members pay a copay of $0. Find a licensed provider. That's right fit for your needs. We all know therapy can be costly, but part of the mission of talkspace is to provide quality care that is accessible and affordable, whether or not you are insured. Talkspace makes getting the help you need easy, accessible, and affordable, even if you have a massive overeating problem. Red Man. What? Tony? I love Talkspace. I think they're providing the best mental health treatment out there. I personally think therapy is as amazing as food and can help with moments of real transformation. And there's a lot of transforming, happening, planning behind the scenes, always here on Kiltoni. And as a listener of this podcast, you'll get 80 off your first month with Talk Space when you go to talkspace.com Tony and enter promo code space8.0. That's S P A C E 80. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to talkspace.com Tony, and enter promo code space8,0. All right, ladies and gentlemen, one of the good friends of the show, one of the top young rising comedians in the world, has a brand new special on YouTube. And he's here just to do a minute for us. Just to swing by, make some noise for the great Asana mod, ladies and gentlemen, here he is. Hey. I think the darkest thing going on with Kanye west is his diamond encrusted swastika chain. That's dark. Because if you know anything about the diamond business in this country, You know the person who made that chain is Jewish. So there's a guy out there that knows exactly how much his soul is worth. Oy, they. What do you want me to make? It's gonna holocaust ya. That is a rough joke to do in Yeezys. I'm aware of that. That is. Yo, these shoes are comfortable as fuck. I don't care. That's all I care about. You could say the worst things in the world about Muslim people if you made the most comfortable air shoes. I'd wear that shit with pride, too. You'd be like, what are those? They'd be like, oh, these? Oh, these? You mean the new Chinese Muslim concentration camp? Sevens, bro. This shit flames the Uyghur force ones do I got the mat bean? That's where I got him. All right. I've been a son of mine. Thank you very much. Hassan Ahmad, whose new special Too soon is out Now. Well, it comes out. This comes out the 19th, right, I think. Yeah. So my special comes out the 20th. Okay. All right. Jeez. Wow, a little time jumper there. Look at this guy. Back brown to the future. Yes. Okay. That doesn't really matter. They would have watched it anyway, but way to be strategically correct mathematically, right? Like a true Indian. Yes. Unbelievable. One of the hardest working guys I know. He's working 247 11. Yeah. Absolutely incredible as always, Hassan. I'm doing comedy full time and running a daycare in Minnesota at the same time. It's been rough. It's amazing. Look at that. They love it. The crowd goes wild. Billionaire Asanaman. How's life been going? Good. Yeah. Things going pretty good. Yeah. You know, I'm excited to have a new special. Outs my first one and, yeah, I'm just. Let's go. Happy about it. Yeah. Very exciting stuff. Former Comedy store door guy took the whole path. One of the first people to move out here with the whole regime working here at the mothership been taking you out? You've been drinking with us? Yes. It's. That's. That's a new thing. I've been getting drunk for the first time. Yeah, it's really fun to take like of you part in your 30s, you know, you gotta try some stuff sometimes. Cocaine? No. No cocaine. I'm not there yet. Welcome to my panel of junkies tonight that I have free to blow out of nowhere. Oh, you started drinking. I love it. Hasan, how are your parents? You have adorable, tiny, little Indian parents that we all love. Yes, yes, they are very adorable. Hassan is like the Shaquille o' Neal of his family, by the way, Towering over them at five foot six. Yeah. I am double the size of both of them. Really? It's kind of crazy. I am. I am. I might be the tallest Bengali person in my whole family. Family. There is that. I love it. Now, what are Bengalis known for exactly? Tigers. Our hairlines. Wow. Yeah. Our lack of hairlines. I would think. Spelling bees. Yeah. Are you a good speller? Yeah, yeah, I'm pretty good. Give me a word. I got spelled Champagne. C, H, A. You have to say the word. G, N, E. Spelling campaign. All right, hold on. Let's find a. Let's find a black person's name. Is there a black person in here? Yeah, there is. We. Her name is Champagne. She's right over there. There we go. I beat you. Champagne Jenkins is here, ladies and gentlemen. Apostrophe pa. Hey, got it. You gotta pause that. I know that. Right, right. There we go. Sorry. Tommy Pope. Like a PTSD flashback right there. That was great flashback fun. Okay, Assan. So much fun. Your new special, Too soon is out. Go watch it. There you go. Where do they find it? Asana mod. On YouTube. It's on YouTube. Look up too Soon. It's on our Solid show podcast channel. Check it out. There you go. Solid Show. Podcast watch is special. We love us on. Back to the Bucket we go. This looks like a new name. Make some noise for Tony Scar, everybody. Tony Scar. I remember the first time I caught my parents. My mom had to sit me down and give me the talk. She said, son, when a man and a woman love each other very much, they buy a ball gag. And I said, mom, put a shirt on. And while my mom went to put a shirt on, my dad came to give me the same talk. He said, sean, I'm autistic. And I found out the other day that I look autistic because I went to the Olive Garden and the waitress handed Me, Crayons and paper. And I was trying to explain to her that that's dehumanizing. But dehumanizing is really hard to pronounce when you're chewing on a fistful of crayons and have a ball gag in your mouth. Thank you guys very much. Tony Starr has arrived, ladies and gentlemen. Amazing. Welcome to the show, Tony. Thank you very much. How long you been doing stand up? Nine months, sir. Nine months. You're fantastic. Where'd you start at here in Austin? I started in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Iowa. Okay. That's where you live? Absolutely. Yeah. That is. That is not where I live. I moved out here about four months ago. And I don't do standup comedy. I do musical comedy. Really? Yes, sir. How do you do that? You have a guitar or something? I do. I have a guitar. I try to do it better than it's ever been done. Amazing. Really? Well, you must be. How long have you been doing that? I've been doing that for the nine months since I started as well. You started doing musical comedy and you just have funnier bits than most standups that don't do that. That. Yes, sir. So your real specialty is with a guitar? Yes, sir. Do we have an extra guitar? We do. Oh, is that thing tuned? It is. Wow. Great. Amazing. Look at this. How about a hand for the lovely Heidi, everybody? I mean, really. She even knows where to put the plug and everything. I know she looks like she's not that. That smart, but she's absolutely brilliant, everybody. There you go. You brought a guitar pick. Amazing. Perfect. Do your thing. Can we hold a guitar up to the. A mic up to the guitar? Do you want. Does that help? We. He. Sorry, my bad. It's plugged in, so I think we'll be just fine. Tony. Right, folks? Tony, Tony, Tony. As long as it's not, like, copywritten. It is not. It's original stuff. Do me a favor. Turn that KT logo that's underneath the mic just. There you go. Perfect. Thank you. Thank you. I'm not a control freak at all. All right, here we go, baby. Tony Scar. A one, two, three. Not quite yet, Tony. You got it. Oh, hey, Tony. Make sure you get. Okay. Double check it. Okay, There we go. Wow, that is a crazy trick. How about one more time for Tony Scar, ladies and gentlemen? I. I saw the most beautiful thing today. I saw a homeless man playing guitar to a homeless woman. It was homeless love, or as we call it in Austin. And I imagine what that homeless love song would sound like. And I think that, folks, it would sound a little something like this. Girl, you have the three prettiest teeth this world has ever seen. You make me wanna bend this used needle right into a wedding ring. And I like other girls. Cause other girls would never try to street fight a pigeon. A rummage through the trash by chewing through the bag. But she's a little bit different. She said her name was. Is it French? Because I love it. She's the only woman I have ever, ever met whose love language is masturbating in public. I bet they say cute shit in that song. They'd spell it out, you know what I mean? Like, the L in love is for heroin. The O in love is for heroin. The V in love is for violence. And they don't know that there's money in love. They say cute shit. Like, for our anniversary, I'll get you a loud metal rack. Loud metal rack that you can bang on if it gets too quiet and the voices come back. Schizophrenia. I love that every inch of your skin's a different color. And I love how every one of your mesores feels like rubber. And you have the prettiest, laziest eyes. And when you defecate, you pick it up just to throw it at other guys. The world is all I know that it is. We can write our initials on the sidewalk with piss. Or maybe we can start a family and give birth to a miscarriage. A standing ovation for Tony Starr, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you very much, folks. I love you all. Amazing. I gotta tell you, for nine months, my mind is completely blown. I think you have an unbelievable gift. How old are you? I'm 21 years old. 21 years old. Amazing. And this show means a whole lot to me. I love that I gotta tell you. Go fuck yourself, you asshole. Go fuck yourself. 9 months, 21 years old. That's like, literally if I was at the store. It's unbelievable. That's one of the best sets I've seen from a young comic in a long time. That's how a star is born. Thank you very much, Chowman. I appreciate it. Can you catch? I can. Yes, sir. You sure? Yes, sir. Are you positive? I am positive. Great. Here you go. It's a golden ticket. Boom. Song four. Pony Star, ladies and gentlemen. Live in the flesh 21. Anytime you have another song that you want to come play on the show, you just let us know. And you're gonna get to do it in front of millions of people anytime you want. Thank you. Pony Star, ladies and gentlemen. With his kill, Tony Debut. I'm sure he'll be at the next secret show. Secret show man. Yeah. Absolutely, sir. I will see you there. Congratulations. Congratulations. Welcome to the family. Tony Scar has arrived, ladies and gentlemen. There you go, the American dream here on Kill. Tony. There he goes. Tony Scar. How fun is that? I'm not lying. What I. That. That's literally hands down one of the best. Oh, yeah. He's got it. Holy. He's got it. Oh, dear God. Thank you. That could end up being, like, the greatest musical comedian of all time one day. Only nine months in has us all laughing. Great jokes in there. Great jokes. Great. Incredible big dick. Sorry. Well, we have another golden ticket winner back there ready to go. This was his spot on the show. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the return of Colin Sledge, everybody. Here he is. Okay, thank you. Once I was talking to a girl at a bar and I thought it was going okay, but she threw a drink in my face. I was like, hey, watch it. There's $30 of roofies in there. So the problem with that joke is I don't know if that's the right amount of money to say. I'm afraid to look it up. I'm nice. I would never catcall a lady because that would give away my position. No, I would never stalk women either, because I feel like it'd be boring after like an hour, you know, like, oh, she's going to the grocery store. Oh, she's going to yoga. Oh, she's going to the police station. Oh, she's coming back out. She's pointing at me. Okay, thank you. Colin Sledge with pure Colin Sledge comedy. Hi. That's you. Thank you. You're that guy. That's me. The roofies giving away your position with the cat. Call on Brand. How's life been going, Colin? It's been good. I had a thing that I was gonna say, but I just wanna shout out, yahee. She messaged me on hinge like a year ago. Oh, shit. Just completely cold. And she was just like, where can I get on stage in Houston? And I didn't see her for months. I just told her all my places. And then she just started showing up one day and I never brought it up with her. No one in Houston knows, but they will now, I guess. So shout out to her. Look at that. Can I say one thing? Yeah. After the last gentleman that crushed it, I see. Like, you're obviously. You're nervous. I can see. Oh, that's always. But I gotta tell you to come up after Somebody crushes like that. That's the fucking worst feeling in the world as a comic. And I gotta tell you, your first joke out of the gates, you fucking killed me. It was fucking great, buddy. I swear to God. I mean that. It's not an easy thing to do. And you did it. That's one of the toughest things of comedy, like following this asshole. So, yeah, unbelievable work. Honestly. Colin is a great joke writer. Everything kind of is on theme with him. He's like a creepy guy that lurks and stares through your blinds and stuff. He's on the other side of the window or behind tree peeking at you or something. I met his girlfriend, though. Very delightful. What a nice, nice woman. She signs up, you know, if you. You don't have to. She really. Did she. Has she ever been pulled before? Never been pulled before. She's been signing up since. Since before I started doing comedy again. She's been signing up for a long time. Did she sign up tonight? Yes, she did sign up. What's her name? Timely Rain. What is it? Timely Rain. What is it? That's a real name. It's enunciate. Timely Rain. Timely Rain. That sounds like a Prince album. Yeah. Yeah. Why don't you go wrangle Timely Rain real quick? So how long ago did you start Stand up? She's been signing up. Since when she's been signing up? I think like two or three years. She used to take the bus from Houston to Austin and do stand up and like, crash at her from friend. Wow. Because did you know you. Yay. We did not. Yeah, y' all can bring that up. See, I did not tell her that I was gonna say that. Did you? Yeah, look. I didn't look. It was creamy plastic eyes. I know you. It was a complete killer conversation. Yeah. A massage, if you will. So how long have you been with Timely Rain? It was like two weeks after I got on this show, actually. We started again. When? When, when, when, when Is it February? It was February, remember? I had to come back for your show on Wednesday and his show on Thursday. And I didn't know anything about Austin, so she accompanied me for all of that and we just started hanging out all the time. That's interesting. Look at that. Very timely. Yeah. Wow, look at that. Random in the audience just yelling stuff out. Absolutely incredible. No, there's a lot of fans of the out there. Are we ready? Right, ladies and gentlemen, here's the Kill Tony debut. No, you. You sit and sit on D. Madness's stool while he goes pee. Come on. Sit down. Sit down. Colin. Jesus Christ, just sit down. There he goes. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the Kill Tony debut years in the making of timely reign, everybody. Here she is. The first time me and my boyfriend ever slept together, When he got in bed, he accidentally, like, kneed me right in the pussy. I was like, that's a weird way to check if I have a dick. My new boyfriend, he's really nice. He likes the Muppets. And he sings wicked with me in the car, so my mom really likes him. But he's a little racist, so my dad likes him too. He does comedy as well and he's been doing it for way less than I have and he gets booked more than I do, which means not only is he funnier than me, it means he sucks better dick than I do too. I love Austin, I really do. But man, half the people look. Half the men here look like they'll root for you while the other half of them look like they're like. Actually, it's called Rohip. No, thank you. My name's Tyler. Timely rain. Welcome to the show. Hi. Hell yeah. We had just heard all about you. It's an anomaly how many times you signed up and not gotten pulled. I've wanted this for so long. Wow. Congratulations, you're in it. Thank you. Hell yeah. Thank you, thank you. So timely. How long have you been doing stand up exactly? Four years. Four years. Like actually like this week is my four year anniversary. Nice. And all of it in Houston, Texas. Houston, Texas. How do you make money stand up comedy. Oh, nice, nice. I produce shows, but I also, I do a bunch of gig work. I work at the Renaissance Festival and I'm like a bartender at different theaters and stuff like that. What do you do at the Renaissance Festival? I do sometimes comedy, but mostly I just talk at a British accent and serve people alcohol. Can you give us an example of what that sounds like? Good day, my lord and lady. What would you like to eat? Wow. I usually wear a little. John de Season's been waiting for years to play Renaissance Fair music. He's like, I. Wow. He was on that. That is incredible. You've had that loaded up forever. Timely. That's awesome. Why don't you go start the car? Go start the car. Killer. Killer. Go start the car. Stay here. Stay here. Thank you. Thank you. Wow. Amazing. Timely rain. That is incredible. Is it true that you guys really sing Wicked in the car together? Yeah, that's how he got me. Really? Huh? One time. Colin, let's hear you hit that crazy Note up here. No. Come on, Colin. No, you have to try. Colin. What song is it? What do you mean? You know which. You know which one? Yeah, you could do. You gotta. You gotta try, Colin, but more. Stand up. Stand up, Colin. Listen to your lady, Colin. Yeah, yeah. Stand the upper up. I know how home life listen to time stand the up. Stop being a. Yeah, shave that spear. Stop going. Stop. Time Mic time. Hit the. All right, give him the mic. Now belt something, Colin. Very good. There you go. Very hermit. The frog on Wicked. Do it again. No, it's all right. It's okay, guys. Timely. What's the craziest thing about your life? You ever see anything traumatizing or been through anything wild? What? No. Why don't. Why don't you let her decide what the funniest option is right now, Colin? I don't know. The most traumatic thing. My. My trans sister said she witnessed a stab. Hold. Hold on. Hold. You can't speed through that, you sheep. You have to say my trans sister. You can't say my trans sister. My. My trans. My trans sister. This is a 311 song everybody called Transistor off the hit album 311 from the band 311. You know that song? Yeah. Okay. My trans sister told me that last night she witnessed a stabbing out a. At a. At a venue. And. And I told her she needs to stop hanging out with those kinds of people. Yeah. Her. Those kinds would be the kind that stab. Yeah. Was it a trans person stabbing another person? Yes. Yeah. Crazy. Almost seems like there's type of. Some type of correlation between mental illness and the trans community. Both run in my family. It almost seems like there's a slight thing going on where those are the people doing things. You know, I don't. My brother. I don't like them. I don't like them. My. My brother, he's not gay, but he does wear like crop tops and he hasn't told us what that means. What the going on in your family? My real name is actually Timely Rain. Wow. And yeah. Said. What's going on with your family? So your parents, your real name is Timely. Are they. Are they very strict religious or. Quite the opposite. No, quite the opposite. Right. My mom was a like raver in the 90s and my dad was a straight edge punk and they met while working in a. In a record store together. Hell yeah. It all makes sense. Yeah. I'm like, you know what that makes me? And Portland was born. Yeah. Well, timely. Congratulations. You got a big joke book. Very fun stuff. Look at Me on the secret show. On the secret show. Congratulations. Timely Rain and Colin Sledge, ladies and gentlemen. Buddy. There you go. How fun. Hey, hey. All right, Back to the bucket we go. This is the perfect music for this name makes the noise for Biddy O Laughlin, everyone. Bitty O Laughlin. G'. Day. I'm from Australia. I'm trying to move here, get away from gun violence. I'm a single mother. People say that's bad for kids, but I reckon abortions do more damage. I've been going to the gym a bit recently for my mental health. I've already got a six pack. I just want to stop wishing I was dead. Membership was cheap and the gym's on top of a tall building. I don't do long at the gym. I go for like, 20 minutes. Turns out pissing off fat chicks is a real mood booster. They're just jokes. I think fat lives matter. I've got a lot of sympathy for fat people because I was anorexic. I know exactly what it's like to feel obese. Biddy o' Laughlin with a great set. Boom. Thank you. You've been on this show before, Bitty? I have. Welcome back. Thank you. Very, very fun stuff. Very fun stuff all the way around. Topical joke with the guns. Yeah, I had that the day after I was signing up and I was kind of glad I didn't get on because it might have been a little too soon. Yeah, that's perfect. That's when it's the most fun, I think. But I get in trouble all the time, so what do I know? I love it. Bitty, remind us, how long you been on stand up? I started 15 years ago. I took a really long break. Like, I did nine years off, and then I started again in 2020, just before the pandemic. Pandemic. And then it's been on and off. Kind of got canceled in Australia. Like blacklisted for some jokes. What jokes? Trans jokes and then drinking with Aboriginal people jokes. Please do that. Yeah, that, like, I would love to hear. Fire it up. What were the jokes exactly? Australia's a little sensitive. Say, fire it up. The trans jokes. I don't know. It was just a bar. I used to to get a gig every three months. And then one day I was just given a phone call saying, you're never going to get this gig again. And I was like, okay. And then I posted about it and then I took it down and then it got picked up by the newspaper, probably just because my mom was a comedian. So they're like famous comedian's daughter is a transphobe. Ah, that'll do it. Did your mom get any backlash from having a transition? She probably did in some request folder or something. Yeah, you know, D Madness. Famous homophobe is here. He arrives for the anti trans material. Even though that sweater does kind of look like the trans flag. I gotta warn you, D Madness. The colors on it. That's what it looks like. It's blue and pastel. Little fun fact for you. I have it hanging over my bed, so. I know. I love it. Bitty, when did you have the. The kid? How old's this? She's four and a half years old. Okay, where's she at? Three times she's at a hotel and I got a babysitter and it was so perfect. Everything just worked out. I was able to sign up. Amazing. Amazing. Anything weird going on with the four and a half year old normal kid? She's very normal. She's quite funny. Very funny, I'd say. But that's something funny that the kid's done. Okay, well, recently I reverted to Catholicism a couple of years ago. I was raised Catholic and now I'm back and I've been teaching my daughter to do the sign of the cross when we go past a Catholic church and we ride the bus everywhere. So one day I was telling her to do the sign of the cross. Sorry. Then the other day, another day, we went past her ballet school and I said, oh, we're coming past your ballet school. And she said, do I have to spin? Get her on stage for now. Get this bitch on stage. I want to see her in diapers right now. Kids are funny. I was FaceTiming with my buddy Nick on Christmas and he goes, hey, this is my niece over here. This little. Basically around that age. And I go, hi, kid, I'm rich and famous. And she went afterwards to her mom and goes, I met Nick's friend Richard. Famous. See how adorable that is? Kids say the darndest things they do. Bitty, where's the baby daddy at? He is in my hometown of Alice Springs. Yeah, but he's not in the kid's life. He. He knows about her and he, he would, he would catch up with us if we went back to. Sorry, there's just some band members that are questioning. They. They'd like to know if you're single. There's some. That song's funnier in Renaissance Fair. I love it. What does the dad do for work? We met at work, actually. We were working on a TV Show. He was a camera assistant and I was the director's assistant. And you slut. Said, go for it. But I'm celibate now. Went, yeah. Are you? Are you really? Yeah. Yeah. Is that by choice sex? Until I am married, which probably means I'll never get married. Yeah. Well, you have a single kid, so it's not easy out there. Yeah, it's. You're fine. I got to tell you, you really killed. You killed the vibe in this room. No, Bitty, you're fantastic. You are a true pro. Thank you so much. Fun stuff. You already have a big joke book, right? From your last time on. Perfect. There she goes. Biddy o'. Laughlin. On to the next one. You guys still having fun out there? Anything can happen, ladies and gentlemen. And this looks like a new name. Maybe. I don't know. We'll see. Make some noise for your next comedian. It's Jimmy Prescott, everybody. Here he is. Jimmy Prescott. I made a mistake. I shaved my beard after two years. I used to look like a man. A homeless man, but still a man. Now I look like I never got over Weezer. I look like I never. I look like the cuck chair at the hotel was created for me. Politically, I am a leftist, right wing, liberal, far right, left, right, woke, racist. I'm only joking, guys. I am not woke. And I don't like politics, but I do like starting political arguments on social media. I like it so much that if I had pronouns, they would be block and report. Should also mention that I am not racist because I have a friend who is black. Everyone knows if you have one or more black friends, you can't be a racist. Now, I'll be honest. I haven't hung out with my black friend in a couple of years. But I still write to him in prison. Thank you. Yeah, Jimmy, thank you. I like your style. You're great. How long you been on stand up? One year. One year? Yes, sir. Wow. All of it here in Austin? Yep. This is where you live? I live. I've lived here since 1996. Wow. Where were you at before that? Houston. Okay. And what made you pick Austin? Because it's. I got a job up here. Okay. What do you do for work? Work? I worked at video game companies, so I was working on Ultima Online. Nice. Red band. Probably knows about it very well, I'm positive. So I've hung out with Richard Garriott. You know, he was like my old boss. Yeah. And then. Then I got into just normal tech stuff. Okay. Yeah. Cool. I love it. You married, kids, anything? I have a kid. Okay. Yeah. Four and a half year old. In Australia. No, but you said it. Yeah, I got a kid. I love it. And so you're working in tech now? Yeah, just some weird hardware. Yeah. So I'm not supposed to talk about it. I got it. What made you want to start Stand up? A year ago I was like, you know, just hanging around and I've always kind of wanted to do it, and I was making short films and stuff a long time ago, so. Like, comedy short films? Yeah, I made a short film called Love Holstery. It's about a guy who finds comfort over a recent breakup of the arms of his favorite chair. Oh, yeah. If you get to about like. I think it's 14 and 30s. 14 minutes, 30 seconds in, and you're not. And you're watching it with no headphones, somebody's gonna think you're watching porn. Ah, yeah. So it's called Love. What's the time Mark again? The what? I got pissed. It's called Love Hole Street. Love Holstery. And that's on YouTube. Yeah. Yeah. Nice. Yeah. Okay, great. What else, Jimmy? Tell us more about your life. Let's see, my high school girlfriend went on to become Penthouse Pet of the year 2002. Wow. Should have started there. Megan Mason. Yeah, Megan Mason. Pick on your phone. What's that? Can I see her? Oh, yeah, you can google her. You can just google her, dude. You don't need my phone. Megan Mason. Penthouse Pet of the year 2002. I did 2020, so. Oh, there you go. Yeah. Megan Mason. All right. You horny? Jesus Christ. Let's stick with the interview here while you go try to get a boner. Have a good time. That's her stage name. Talks about nothing. I know her real name. He does, too. Okay, Jimmy, what else? Tell her I was on here. What's a weird habit that you have that you do every day? A weird habit? I don't know, I just. You know, I don't know about that one weird habit. I'm trying to think of something and what's the first thing you do when you walk? When you get out of bed? You get out of bed. You do what I eat is in. You eat a Zen. Yeah, I gotta wake up. Wow. Okay. I think you're supposed to just leave it in your mouth, but. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, I put it in my. Yeah, I eat it. It's fine. Like three of them, the whole can. Cereal and then what? You have a cup of coffee. Does your kid live with you? No. Okay. Of course, kid. You're gonna love this. I didn't know he was my kid until he was 16. Wow. Okay, so how did you find out? So he did a 23andMe test. Huh. And. Yeah, and people with my last name started popping up in the family tree. He asked his mom and his mom was like, oh. So she messaged me and I was like, hey, let's do a paternity test. 99.9999. Wow. Yeah, amazing. So tell us about the 16 year old. Like, well, he's almost 18 now, right? Yeah. So we're hanging out. We've been hanging out at paying child support. What was the time mark on that short film? Was it 1430? 1430. Yeah, about 1430. Sorry, I just got back up about 1430. Yeah, yeah. So yeah. Anyway, he's got a kid he met at 16. I'm. I'm being a good father. He's on my insurance, you know, like paying child support. You guys have anything in common? You guys, guys like, I mean. Oh, he's awesome. Quirky that you notice that you guys have in common. Oh, we have the same pinky toe. What? What's weird? What's weird about your pinky toe? They look exactly the same. Wait, hold on. Time out. So you have a child. I told you, you missed a lot. You can't just take a piss and jump in on this. Yeah, hold on, let me just. Let me just stick with this for a second. You're saying that your pinky toe looks the same? Exactly the same. But. But what's odd or it's like tiny little twisted, very small nail. How the do you know all your fat tits? Okay, Jesus Christ. On your fat tits. My God, you guys are out of control. Honestly. Let me see your feet. Oh, no, you don't have to do that. No, he's doing it. Okay, like that other coward. Let's start in this. The random ass. Yep, yep. See that little. He's got the comp K. Let me see. Lift it up over here. I can't see it. He's got the comp. Don't, dude, that's disgusting thing. Oh, yeah, you're right on the table. That thing is under his. It's under his ring toe for. Yeah, yeah, No, I have the same one. Pinky's a college football. That second. What are you toe rating me? That is. Look at this Comcast remote. Look at this. Right next to his big toe. Look at this. Dude, it goes. That's wild. Comes back out, all the buttons get to Netflix. You get the Netflix on this dude's left foot? Oh, yeah. Big. This episode brought to you by Straight Tequila, everybody. Just absolutely unreal. What's going on over here, Jimmy? Nope. Jimmy, anything else crazy about your life we should know before getting you out of here? Let's see. I got a pilot's license. I don't know. What do you do with it? You ever use it? Not anymore. I did it for fun. Yeah. One day I woke up and I was like, you know what? I'm gonna get a pilot's license. And that's what I did. Did. That's awesome. I took a bunch of friends flying, and now I don't do it. So was it 9, 10? You know, that's a good question. I don't know. Probably, guys. So we had an event called 911 in this country. Okay, here we go. I was there. I saw it. You were in New York? I wasn't there, but I was. Watched it on TV. Yeah, we all did. We're all right. I'm 48. Kidding. Jimmy. Great stuff. Great set. Especially for a year. Congratulations, Jimmy Prescott got How fun this episode brought to you by Mezcal and Double Talk Cross Talk. Nothing better than you two just going wild animals up here. I'm like, this will be fun. I'll book two of my favorite drinking buddies at the same time. What could go wrong? Ladies and gentlemen, in your next bucket, bolt. Hold on. This lady's got to go. A sheep with her vest on. Look at this. Look at that thing. Look at that. Unbelievable. All right, your next bucket bowl. You guys still having fun out there, huh? Make some noise for your next one. It's Matt Reavis, everybody. Here we go. It's Matt Re. How we doing, everybody? Fuck, man. I just got addicted to only fans. Yeah, man. You guys realize OnlyFans is like the new form of scratch offs. Yeah. You'd be on the homepage. This blurry picture. $5. I can afford that. I bought 10 of them one time, like, they're a pack of Pokemon cards. I started ripping them, looking for a charizard. It was just a bunch of EVs. I was like, God damn it. Damn it. Yeah, one time, dude, I bought a 10 pack worth of toes. $10. I'm like, bitch, this is $4 worth of toes, max. Yeah. I looked at her, I was like. I sent another $1.99 just to message her. I was like, Bitch, this is $4 worth of toes bags. He painted skin on that pinky toe. That's a nub Fucking crazy. Only fans is cool. I feel like Onlyfans is like the new form of fucking fantasy football. Yeah, fantasy. Well, they get the friend groups together and start competing for the mvp. Yeah. The most valuable is just crazy. I guess that's it. Matt Reavis. Matt, are you extremely tired right now? Yeah, I am a little bit. Yeah. I'm a little Asian, too. It doesn't count. Okay. Are you high, too? No, just a little Asian. Dude. I found out that 10 years ago. Yeah. Wait, hold on. You found out your. Yeah. Filipino. Yeah. No, I found out I was a little Japanese. You're a little bit. Well, every Japanese. It took you that long. Look into a mirror. I thought I was Mexican to this time. Just him in the lake going, oh, I might be Japanese. So exactly how did you. You don't have your dad in your life? Wife? No, I do have a father. Nice brown Mexican father. So your mom's a little bit Japanese? No, my dad is. He's the guy. It's like three generations ago from like the 1800s. He came. He came over making fireworks and. Does your dad have those eyes? Well, get your crutches and come back out and do the set again. It makes sense because you just bomb. I know. Yeah. Trust me, I know. 10 Hiroshima. Yeah, you were. 150 Chinese tonight, pal. It was a prophecy. Had to happen in the fat man. Matt Reavis, how long you been doing stand up? Four years. What do you do for work? I was rode in for a singer. I've been doing roadie work this last few weeks, months and like that. You're a roadie? Yeah. Right. So you like, plug in microphones and stuff? Plug in microphones, drive the tour bus, all that good stuff? Okay. For anyone we would know. He's a. He's a country singer out of Fort Worth. Louis, the singer. Pretty. Pretty cool guy. Yeah. Good match for Japanese. Yeah, dude. Yeah. I was the most. Driving a tour bus. Nothing better than you people out there with a the line weapon. So, Matt. Matt, what's your love life like? Dude, it's horrible. I got rejected at HEB the other day, man. It fucked me up. They wouldn't let you buy groceries? No. What are you. No. This nice lady rejected me, man. What do you mean? It's hard? Because I like. It's hard to buy groceries and hit on women whenever you can only afford Vienna sausages, you know? Yeah. I'm walking around with five flavors of Spam. This girl got Chia seeds and kale. I'm like, I can't afford that. The kale's like $10 a bushel nowadays, dude. It's fucked. And I don't. And I don't like chia seeds, man. Yeah, I hate that shit. Feels like cum. I don't like it like this. I just tell you your blind guitar player said I wish I was deaf. Yeah, it's amazing. It is incredible. All right, Matt. I'm gonna keep it moving along. Here's a medium joke book for you. There he goes. Matt Reavis, everybody. Go take a nap, Matt. Go take a nap. You're exhausted right now. It's not there. More than just Asian there. All right, your next bucket bowl goes by the name of Emanuel Martinez. Everybody make some noise for Emanuel. These people have been waiting all day for this, for the opportunity of a lifetime. Hello. Hello. Thank you. I had jaw surgery growing up. It's a fun fact that I like to bring up on dates. I was on one day and this girl was like, oh, my gosh, can we still kiss? I was like, actually, I just prefer sex. She said, I prefer we just kiss. I was like, all right, well, I know you paid for dinner, but I prefer we. We kiss. Ah. She had a kid, too, which was crazy. And, you know, we got along. Me and her kid got along until one night, that kid called me dad. Yeah, dude, I'm with you. I left. I. I was only 18 at the time. All right. I was only 18. Okay. I can't be responsible for a 15 year old. Like, I see him. I see him in school every day. We take the same classes. He helps me out homework every night. Night. I was like, dude, you should be my dad. I can't be a father figure to someone and then share the same bully. Imagine that. Okay. Emmanuel Martinez. All right. Hello. Have you been on this show before? First time, Tony, this is your first time? Okay, good. I'm good. How long you been doing stand up? I'm about to hit two years in March. Okay, two years in March. Where have you been doing it? North Carolina. North Carolina. That's where you live? Live? Yes. I was born in Texas, but raised in North Carolina. Okay. What do you do for work? I'm a grad student. Of what? Physical therapy do you do that I'm in school for? You're still in school. How much longer do you have left? First year is about to be over. I got two more years. Two more years. How old are you? I'm 28. 28. What made you want to get into physical therapy now? I was a trainer for A very long time. I did nursing school, and then I failed, and I was like, all right, well, you failed at what? Nursing school. Nursing school. How did you fail? Explain to us exactly what part you failed at. It's. I felt it was a community college, too. That's embarrassing. Yeah, I. I know. Keep going. I was doing. You have four exams throughout the year. The first one, I did good. I got too cocky, and then I bombed, like, the third exam, and then. Dude, he's breaking down the exam. Yeah. Why? You're dumb. Dude, you gotta talk about that? Dude, you got to talk about that like, you. You're the worst doctor, a shitty nurse. Like, do that. Like, that's. Yeah. At nursing at a community college. That's pretty awful, dude. Yeah. Were you studying? Were you trying to. I was trying. Do you think that maybe I was. Do you think maybe, like, that might not be your thing? Have you ever thought about working in a factory or something? Perhaps, like, maybe helping other humans health? If you can't pass the stuff, like, isn't for you. I have a question. How long have you been in this country? How long have you been here? Look at me. Look at me in the eyes. How long you been here? 28 years. What's your first name? Emmanuel. It's on the. Emanuel. Anything crazy about your life that we'll find interesting? Let's see. I had the jaw surgery a little bit. Why? Why'd you have jaw surgery? I had an underbite. So, like, they, like, broke both my jaws. They fit it like that. Ah, somebody's booing your surgery over here. Was that you? Who was it? What are you going to do? What are you going to do? I'm going to perform physical therapy on them. All right. Yeah. Emmanuel, here's a little joke book. We're going to keep it moving along. Thank you. Good job, buddy. Here you go. A couple very sleepy Mexicans back to back here on Kil. Tony. Really bringing the momentum to a screeching halt. Just exhausted Mexicans. Anybody notice that? Just. I don't know. We need a. We need another crippled Asian to bring it back. Remember when they used to. When they used to have the energy, they used to be ready to work. Hey, what's up, everybody? Now they're exhausted. These people are exhausted. Exhausted Mexicans now. I failed out of nursing school. All right, your next bucket bowl goes by the name of Saul Wilson, everybody. Here we go. Saul Wilson. How's it going? I overheard a lesbian talking to her friend about how she's going to spice up her relationship. Trip. And she's like, yeah, we're getting a flashlight for our dildo, you know, third party. But I was. I was in traffic and I saw this lesbian again driving in a car, except she wasn't on the road. She was like on the sidewalk. And it wasn't a real car. It was like a. Like a much smaller car, like, kind of odd looking. And on the back of her window, it said, toys are just like real boys. I was kind of drunk the other night, and I thought I walked into a whataburger, but it was D madness house. And he was like, what a burger? And let's say when I turn on the lights, he didn't have all the ingredients for a burger. So that's a go. All right. Thank you so much. All right. Saul Wilson. What the happened there? Hi, Saul. Welcome. This is your first time on the show? Yes. Thank you so much. I would remember that head. I always wonder what Tony Hawk would look like with full blown leukemia. It's amazing. Saul Wilson, looks like you could use a little jaw surgery, huh? All right, Saul, how long you been doing stand up? Not too long. Like two years, I'd say. Two years. I love it. Where at? Okay, this is frowned upon, but in my car. Okay, tell us what you mean by that. Like, doing rideshare. Just doing my bits to people. Oh, really? You're one of those guys. Holy. Has it ever backfired? Has anyone ever been like, yo, dude, please, can you just shut the up? Because that's what they're thinking. So. Yeah, this one time I had, I guess it was like, you know, two wives and, you know, maybe in Texas, that's like, you don't talk about this stuff. But I. I made like a big dick joke. What was the joke? I forget. But you know, it, like, essentially, as I said already. I said too much anyways. But they. It was. It was just uncomfortable. They didn't have to know that. Can I hear the joke? Can I? He doesn't remember it. So what is going on? It was like. You tell jokes in your car. Yeah. To two lesbians. How are you always around all these lesbians? Seems like everything you do, there's lesbians involved. Theme for tonight. Yeah. All right. You don't remember the joke? You sure? Yeah, it was like. Like in conversation. Like, just like. I got it. Got it. Chatting it up with lesbos. Saul. So that's what you do for work? You're. You drive. Yeah. Okay. What kind of car do you have? Mazda. Okay. Pre owned or new or. Can I get A drink? Yeah, absolutely. So, Saul, tell us something interesting about your life. How old are you? I'm 36. 36. You got 36 years of experience to draw from. Give us a little fun fact about Saul Wilson that might surprise us. I could beatbox, I guess. That's. Oh, okay. Nothing better than the white greatest white guy ever beatboxing. Here we go. Ladies and gentlemen, Paul Wilson. Oh, no, I've never done it in front of people. Okay, okay. Turn your back. You tell a big dick joke in front of lesbians, but you don't beatbox. Let's do this. Just pretend like you're in your car. Make yourself at home. I don't even know. Like, I think they hold it a certain way. Well, just. Just try it, Saul. Just ask them. What do you mean, they. Here he is, ladies and gentlemen, the whitest white guy of all time. Beatboxing live. Hates blacks. Not the beatbox. Oh, well, no. Yeah. I've never done it. You got this song. Wow. It sounds so stupid. I'm so sorry. No, I want you to keep. Hold on, guys. You got it. Guys, guys. I. I want you to keep trying until you get it. You got. How do you do it in real life? No, I was. I'm sorry. You literally can't beatbox at all. This dry. My mouth is dry. Have a sip of water. Water. We're gonna do this until you beatbox. I will keep us here all night. Could I. All right, hold on. Let him do it. Wow, you have this. I'm sorry. It sounds so stupid. Wow, that's incredible. You have the rhythm of Yay. He's crutching is incredible. Unbelievable. Just no timing whatsoever. Just. It sounds like Yay coming up the stairs. Why so many stale. There so many stale chick. Check, check, check. You sound like Yi falling down the stairs. Actually, it's just. It's just a Jew sneezing into the mirror. Awkward allergy. That's a Jew Opening the. Opening the bill at a restaurant. Yay. Is actually a Michael Jackson impersonator too. She's Yay. He, he. You're out of control. Where's my whiskey? He's just drinking. Wow. Saul, is there anything you can do? I could kind of do the, like. As the late SNL guy's voice. Okay, let's hear that. Let's hear that. Well, don't. You don't have to say I've never done it before. Like, we know. Just do it, love. Hi. From Austin. It's guild zoning. You can't. You can't do that. Either. What else do you think you can do? This is absolutely incredible. You might be the most untalented man in the history of the show. Do what you just did. You should give me a gold bar for being here. You are the opposite of a talented human that is sent. You owe me a gold. Okay. What else do you think you can do? Cuz this is entertaining. Come on. Give us something else. Show me your fat tits. Can you do an impression of something? Is there something else? Show their fat tits. And I. I swear to God it's going to be you, Tommy. It's definitely going to be you. You're 10 mezcals in. It's going to be your fat tits on this show tonight. Oh, God forbid. How many you want to see Tommy's tits? Huh? Oh, they have spoken. Oh. Oh. Now you're having fun, huh? Perverts. We want to see those pepperoni pizz. Dude. Normal nips. I don't think anybody believes them. Look at you. Whoa. There's the lovely Heidi. Here they come. Here they come. He's gonna. He's gonna open up that Shawshank Redemption polo shirt. He's got hot chicks. Get the out of here. It's for the boys. For the boys. I don't want anything. Let's see. Oh, my God. Look how hairy those are. Oh my God. Literally. He's got the ch. Chest of the mighty Chewbacca. Ladies and gentlemen. This guy knows how to co pilot the Millennium Falcon. Wow. I. I just saw 50 shades of gray. Falcon. I just pass out. Saul Wilson. You've had some time to think over there. Is there anything else you're good at on the stage? Dude. I'm not kidding. I thought he left. No, I know. That's crazy. You're still here. Dude. Saul. I would have ran through the vent if I were you. Is there there anything else you think you can do that's nuts around? I'm. I'm leaning on the comedy, I guess. What? I'm leaning on the comedy. Okay. All right, Saul. Well, fun times. You're. You're leaving here with a little joke book. Congratulations. Sign up again. Give us another minute. Sometime we'll see if it can go better. Anything can happen. Best stick around. You might see him improve. All right. Let's do it. Final bucket bowl of the night. Goes by the name of Daniel Shepard. Everybody. Here we go. Daniel Shepherd. I. I saw a black guy driving a Waymo. He definitely stole that. There's no other way. I actually saw a black technician driving it. The joke wrote itself Anyway. But I asked my gay friend what is it like to be gay? And he said, it sucks. That's amazing. I found out bananas are technically berries. Did you guys know that? I always knew you could bury them up your ass, but I never would have pegged them as berries. Y' all ever notice that trans women are always really cool dudes? They're great guys. Every time. I love trans women. I'm 1950s gay. That means I like black women. According to my grandpa, that's gay. Okay, Daniel shepherd, ladies and gentlemen, here he is. Absolutely adorable. Thank you. Obviously. What ethnicity are you? French bulldog. Got an adorable round head, this boy. You just want to. Just want to squeeze those cheeks. I got called that today. I got called that in a testicle today. I bet. I can see. I'm happy about it. I can see the resemblance. So you give my third French bulldog. I love it. Daniel, how long you been on stand up? I'm about to be going on in five years. Where at? Here in Austin. I love it. This is where you're born and raised? Yes, sir. What do you do for work? I just got a job. I'm a stripper. I work at a wire factory. I just got a job stripping wires and fabricating cables and stuff. Very nice. Yes, very nice. What'd you do before that? I was into welding. I actually parked cars for a long time with the PMC company out here. Okay. I was a valet. Then they made me a bellhop and the tips were really shitty. But I loved working there and I got free food. But the black guy got tipped a lot and I got tipped nothing. We both did a great job and he couldn't understand why I wanted to quit. And, you know, I like that guy a lot. I don't know. Never mind the hell? Come again? You hate blacks. I got disturbed. I got. I was jealous of my black co worker. But no, I don't hate blacks. I'm a very. I have a lot of black friends. What the fuck's going on? How many black friends do you think you have exactly, Daniel? I have many black friends. I have a lot. Can you name some of your black friends friends for me? We want their names. Mr. Mars Martian. And now my best friend, Brennan, from childhood I have. You stay in touch with Brandon Brennan? Yeah, From Ohio. How often do you talk to him? I touch base with him a few times a year. We met in middle school. He taught me how to be cool in middle school, you know. Okay. Didn't work. Sorry, But I haven't seen Brennan in a Long time. You haven't seen him in a long time. Yeah. Okay. What black friends? Other than co. Open mic comedians. What other black friends do you have? Name one that you see that you don't have to do work with. Let me see here. Jamar, it has been a minute. I'm busy. Who's Jamar? Are you lying? Jamar is a friend of. Mutual friend of Brennan and I. Nice night. Name, huh? What's his last name? Yeah, I don't remember. I don't. I don't remember Jamar's last name. How many Asian friends? How many Asian friends? Look at me. I have. I have, you racist piece of. Koreans. Koreans. Yeah. Okay. Name the Korean. First name, last name. My Korean friend just died. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's so easy. Last year. Yeah. How did. How did your Korean friend die? On a motorcycle. He got hit. Wow. By your black friend. I don't know who hit him. Your Asian friend died on a motorcycle, and you're saying that he didn't cause the accident? No, I don't think so. I think he got T boned. I think. You know, I don't know. It was out of North Austin. Your other black friend, T Bone. I'll start making up. I'm trying to be honest. Yeah, they all hit each other the same time. T Bone Jenkins, ladies and gentlemen. It is true. True. Wow. So your Korean friend died? Yeah, On a motorcycle. Tragically. Yeah. Yeah. I've known him since I was five. Yeah, game over for him, Rip. You've known him since you were five. I love you. Bye. Bye. I go to his clouds now. Bye. See you soon. Recipe. I can do that, cuz. I'm. Bye. See you. Yeah, I shouldn't be doing. Bye, Vincent. And off, y'. All. Bye, Full Metal Jacket. I love you. Come. I loved you in the Oscars. What? I did. I loved him on the Oscars. What do you mean? Didn't you host the Oscars? What? No. I'm Timu. Joy. Oh. Oh, yeah. Sorry, dude. Dude, I was. I was praising you. I think he was serious. I didn't. That was adorable. What is your name, sir? That rules. That rules. I love it. All right, Daniel, you've been on this show before, right? Yes, sir. What you get then? I got a small joke book last time. Okay, well, you've moved it up to a slightly medium joke book. Let's go. There he goes. Daniel Shepherd. Thank you, Tony. You're welcome, buddy. Dan, put that mic stand back where you found it. Daniel, real quick. Daniel, There you go. Put the mic stand Instead of networking with the comedians. Put it back where you found it. There you go, buddy. There goes Daniel shepherd, everybody. This guy's trying to shake hands. Hey, if you ever need an opener or something sometime. All right, ladies and gentlemen, our regulars are all out this week. Yeah, Crazy. But we do have one prolific golden ticket winner left to close tonight's show. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the great Aaron Belial, everybody. Here he is, The legend. Bluetooth Jenkins is what we call him. The brother of Seabound from America's Got Talent and kill Tony fame. This is Aaron Belial, ladies and gentlemen. Here he is. I don't have a single black friend. People assume I'm mentally retarded, and they start playing charades with me. It happened six times at the airport on the way here. Like, I ordered Starbucks and my order was ready, and she starts doing this. By the sixth time, I just started doing it back to them. Hey, Sharon, I'm going to kill your whole fucking family, you stupid piece of fucking shit. Oh, my God. All that. And she says, oh, no, I think he needs to use the potty. Tommy Pope, this sick fuck is just sitting here thinking about smelling my retard foot. Why? Why would he. Why? Why? What's that? Because he didn't hear about the fat tit story. I'll smell your fat foot. Oh, he's laughing. I know you will. Getting excited. What'd you say? I know you will. A sweet foot. Is this like a running joke or something? Why would he sell. Why would he smell your foot? I don't understand what's happening. Tommy does. What do you have a half finite baked idea you want to say, too? I didn't want to interrupt him, but Tommy does do that thing where he hugs you and he, like, smells your ear and. And, like, sniffles. Great stuff, Redband. All right, let's go back to the. Describe Tommy's hugs in the middle of the show. Great stuff, redband. What do you got? Oh, Aaron's pissed. Look at him. He's furiously tight. Let me cook, gay boy. Okay. Yes. Okay. Cook, cook. I'm literally the one that brings you on the show. I get nothing out of this, but yes. I'm not letting you cook enough. Jesus Christ. You ever think being so ungrateful is why God hit you with pussy? Smells like what? My fingers? What is happening right now? There might be a reason why the baristas think you're a. You're out of your fucking mind. Yehee is so wet right now. Aaron, what's going on in Life. Tell us about it. I want to let you cook. Just want to give you an opportunity to really cook it up in here. A guy that can literally only cook things in a microwave. But yes, go head. I'm going to let you microwave something up for everybody. Little lean cuisine over here. Old Swanson dinner over here. Go ahead. I have an air fryer. Oh. Oh, yeah. Mother's womb. Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm sorry. I lost. Jesus Christ. Yes. I know, I know, I know. I'm sorry. Aaron, what else is going on in life? Help me. I'll beat the out of you right now. Dude, do you really cook? We got on cooking. You do have a built in spatula. Is there something. Since you said let, let me cook. I'm curious, is there something you specialize in? Me and Aaron are friends, by the way. He doesn't. Yeah, there you go. He likes to see when he's. When he has to type. He can't smile and type at the same time. So he gets serious. But when he looks up, he can smile. There he goes. Looks serious. I'm just on the road a lot. Lot. Yeah. Going back on the road with Stevo in the new year. Nice. Nice. Absolutely. Aaron, you're fantastic. We love you. You're a golden ticket winner as always. And you did it yet again. How about a hand for Aaron Belial, ladies and gentlemen, the drawing from Ryan J. ET is in. Steve Burn is on tour. Go to Punchup Live. Find us tour dates. Tommy Pope has podcast Stuff island and look at D Dish, a cooking show, which is awesome. How about one more time for Aaron Belial, everybody? Sweet boy. He can get a little feisty sometimes. He paid for Let me cook, Gay boy. I put him through the ringer for that one. Let's see what Chris Rogers drew over there. That's the great Ron White. Yeah. Fun times tonight, baby. People, make sure you go to Netflix. Watch Kill Tony. Once Upon a time in Texas. It's out now. Push it to the moon, Red band. Check out my new video on YouTube, Cat Bread 7. It's called Cherry root beer. Thank you. Okay, There you go. And we love you guys. Thank you. Good night, everybody. One more time for Steve Burn and Tommy Pope. God bless this audience and God bless the United States of America. Thank you. Good night, everybody. Sam. The Sunset Strip Comedy club in Austin, Texas is now over. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets. She's wide awake in her whiskey hole. Sa. Close your eyes. Visualize your appliances and home systems. Protected, covered. Repairs and replacements taken care of. Washers, dryers, AC units. Now. Say it with me. American Home Shield warranty. American Home Shield. Don't worry, be warranty for 20% off our plans. Visit ahs.com listen see ahs.com contracts for coverage details, including limit amounts, fees, limitations and exclusions.