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Hey, this is Redband and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out tonyhinchcliffe.com for everything. The Golden Pony, Tony Henchcliffe. You can also check out shopsquad TV for Death Squad merch hats, mugs, whatever. Shop Squad tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Fredneck coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get it for Tony Hitch Clay. Who's ready for the best night of their lives, huh? Yippee. Make some noise for buying right there. Oh, my goodness gracious. How exciting is this? You guys happy to be here or what? Oh, shit. Sounds amazing. We are brought to you by Shopify. This is indeed the number one live podcast in the world. Before we get to all the chaos, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. We live in Austin, Texas, but we are jumping in a tour bus, ladies and gentlemen, and we are taking the actual Kill Tony show to Houston, Texas, February 28th and Dallas, March 28th. Go to tonyhinchcliffe.com for tickets right now. Come see an actual Kill Tony show in the great state of Texas. One in Houston, February 28th. One in Grand Prairie, March 28th. Tony hinchcliffe.com get tickets now. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking episode or what? Okay. Every single week I book this mama jama doesn't get. I mean, this is just so amazing. Two of our favorite guests in the history of the show. Make some fucking noise for the great Sal Volcano and Greg Fitzsimmons. Oh my God. Yeah, baby. Greg Fitzsimmons, Sal Volcano. Oh my God. Very exciting stuff, ladies and gentlemen. Sal Volcano is on tour. Solvolcanocomedy.com he's doing the Ryman theater in Nashville. He's got a brand new season of the impractical jokers coming out on tbs. Thursdays on tbs. And his podcast Minouche is available everywhere. Greg Fitzsimmons, one of the greatest guests in the show's history, touring fitzdog.com. he's in Philly, Lexington and Houston coming up very soon. How you guys feeling? You excited to be here? I'm so excited. Hell yeah, I'm excited. Are you guys excited? Hell yeah. It's Kill Tony. Are you guys excited or what? These thick Latinas love the impractical jokers Ladies screaming Sal's name over and over again. Little fucking the tortas. Love you, Sal. You guys know how the show works. 300 plus comedians are stacked on top of each other in a bar right next door. And if I pull one of their names out of this bucket, our trusty assistant goes, grabs them. They get 60 seconds uninterrupted on stage. You know their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then, or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which is just loud and annoying and cuts them off. And then I conduct an interview. We find out more about their real life or their careers or anything really that I find interesting about them. I'm so excited about this, Sal and Greg. I mean, we have you guys. It literally just does not get any better than this. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. There he is. The 2024 guest of the year. Oh, my God. Wow. Oh, ladies and gentlemen, it is indeed the 2024 guest of the year. Dr. Phil is here, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, I'm out of breath. I'm out of breath. But I brought some treats. We don't need any more red bands out there. Wow. Dr. Phil is throwing out Magnum condoms. One might be open. I got bored in the Delta Lounge. Hold on to these Two for later. Dr. Phil, live in the flesh. Literally recognized as one of the greatest guests in this. Well, what was that? Monkey pox. Oh, my goodness gracious. We didn't even get to hang out yet. How'd you get those? Wow. Sad to be back, Tone. It's been way too long, Dr. Phil. You've been out selling out all around the world. Did it. We did it. We're going to Australia and Canada next year. That's right. Sorry. This year, the who is Me tour. Wow. That is. That's a wild thing that's happened. Excited? I'm excited. Well, I guess you don't need one. Wow. It's wild how you do. No, we're gonna keep it right here. Okay. All right. This is very exciting. Dr. Phil is here live in the flesh with Greg Fitzsimmons and Sal Volcano. This episode is brought to you by Shopify. My goodness. I mean, what a start to this show. I mean, that's absolutely crazy. You got a joke, water? Yeah. Yeah, we do. Shouldn't quit. We absolutely do. We shake them up before the show to add vibes and energy to the show. It's working. It's working. And it's squirting. That's what we call that. So what's amazing is that while this is an incredible, perhaps one of the greatest starts of the show ever, why don't we take it one step further and have the first comedian be the record holder for appearances, normally the closer of the show, One of the few living members of the Kill Tony hall of Fame. Some people call him the Memphis Strangler. The Vanilla Gorilla, the Titan of Tacoma, the Weirdo of Washington. This is the Big Red Machine, William Montgomery. My mother was watching the news the other night, and she heard people talk about doxxing one another. She goes, honey, what is doxxing? I said, oh, it's when two guys get in a ring and punch each other with their dicks. The waiter walks out and goes, who ordered the amberjack? I raised my hand and he sets it down in front of me. I look and I say, wait, this has whiskers. And have I literally been catfished? Can you imagine if you were a flat earther? Like a depressed flat earther, and one day you tell your flat earther friends, I really can't take it anymore. I'm just gonna walk this way and I'm never gonna stop. And they're all like, no, don't do it. No. And then around 80 days later, you show up from the opposite direction and you're in a hot air balloon and you're like, guys, y' all are never gonna believe this. Okay, that's my time, Tony. Because the earth is round, Tony. That's why you would show up from the other end, right? But that would mean that it's not flat, right? It would mean it's round. It's proving it's saying to his friend. It's ultimately teaching his friends that the earth is round. Right? It's kind of like a passion play. Oh, my gosh, Tony. I'm so nervous. Seriously. Going up first, I love it. It's. It's literally my favorite thing. But I'm so nervous right now because normally I have time up there to hang out and whatever, and, oh, my gosh, here we are. So I love it. I love it. Out of your comfort zone. Proof that you can do it all you got. The show started with a bang. And, Tony, I do have to say, I finally have been in a horrible funk. I'm still actually in a pretty bad funk in my brain, but I've. I've started rowing again, and I've done 60, 65 miles. Six days, Tony. Very good, William. That's 10 miles and some change per day. Yeah. Listening to melancholy and the infinite Sadness by Smashing Pumpkins the whole time. Greg Fitzsimmons. It's. Well, it's just great that you're rowing. I know you guys have a long history of that as well, but it's good to see that you're rowing. We'll be ripping. Take it from here, Greg. William. How is the. How's the AIDS going? It is not going good. That's part of why I'm in my funk. I messed up. I messed up. When I was in Vancouver last year, I allowed this guy to have sex with my ass. Literally with my ass. Seriously. Well, it's good to mix things up. I know. It was fun. I was kind of in a funk. I've been in these bad funks and I've. I've. The puzzles don't help. Nothing really helps, but when I was having sex with that guy, it was crazy. Oh, that was fun. Redband. What was that noise? Yeah, that's the noise you would have been making in the corner. Redban when you're watching my ass, you fucking weirdo. That's exactly what you would have been. And just in the corner, wearing your fucking tank top, you fucking nasty weirdo. Your little blue tank top. Yeah. Have you ever seen it? Tony wears this little blue fucking tank top with these little swim trunks, and he acts like a little bad boy, and he's showing everybody pictures of his fucking girlfriend's feet. Stop doing that. Seriously, stop doing that. He's doing that in the fucking green room before we even start tonight. That's part of why I'm nervous, Tony. I did walk by and you were showing somebody a picture of a foot. Was that your girlfriend's foot? It's tradition. Anytime Greg's around, Janice shows her foot to him because he likes that. Wow, this is not a great start for Gregson. You know, there's certain things that stay in the grain room, you know? Yeah. What if we're having to take it into the grave? Red band. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Christ. Now I have to cut them off. Oh, my goodness. I love it. William. So you've been rowing again? Yeah, doing the rowing. Trying to hopefully please come see. I promise, if I've been to a city before, I have a whole different set. It's mainly new jokes. I've been. I've got to get my tickets. I got to get better at marketing. Tony has turned. I got to figure it out. Yeah, well, this. This. What'd you just call me? A nacho vest or. What did you say? You should say everything. You should encourage your woman to Say everything that comes to the front of her brain, sir. You're doing a really good job. The Lakers had always a dead giveaway for not having your woman under control. Shut up. Yeah, seriously. Seriously. Whoa, whoa. I'm trying to have fun. Red pants throwing Greg under the bus beard of you. Dude. Seriously, it's really weird. Why'd you. Will. William, I get. I get what's happening with you right now. You're getting fired up, you're getting angry. You're getting more red, which I didn't think was possible. Yeah. Everyone else on right now. Where can we get some of it? That is. But look, it looks like little nachos. I know. I see it. Yeah, so maybe you're right. I see it. I know you are right. All right, Sal, that's not how this works. You guys all see those little nachos? Okay, we all see the nachos. It is an incredible vest. William, what are you wearing? Or. It is award season and the world wants to know, where do you get a vest like that? So I literally clicked into eBay.com, my account. I click in vintage 90s Columbia vest, large. Nailed it. And then I get a bunch. And then. Yes. This shows. Was not in the keyword search. No, no. Wow. Because the. The red little zags there, they look like little nachos. They do. They do. It is absolutely incredible. William, always a master of style. It is a nice vest. You look like you're about to lead a safari for a bunch of kids who are definitely going to get molested. Yeah, true. Which isn't a. Which is a tough gig to get. So I want to compliment you on the. Thank you. Thank you so much. You look like the tour guide at Epstein Island. There it is. The guy that walks you off the dock when you pull up on the. On the show. We'll keep it. Okay, everybody come in here. And it's just Red band jacking off with all the. You weirdo. Wow. Well, William, you got the show. Nice to meet you. You got the show started with a bang, my friend. Unbelievable. Lights out. The great and powerful William Montgomery showing us how it's done. Now we go to the bucket, everybody. Oh, my goodness. Oh, Dr. Phil getting his own book delivered to him. That is incredible. You do. You are a marketing genius. Philip C. McGraw, PhD. You and me, it's as easy as 1, 2, 3. I'll talk about that in my book. That's right. Page 73. Page 73. If you can't rhyme, get the. Out of my garage. All right, so the Bucket we go. Ladies and gentlemen, your first bucket pool of the night is Sancho Pancho Villa with an uninterrupted minute. What's going on? Hell, yeah. So Even though I'm 5:1, I am into taller women, and so that can be hard. So I got these shoes that make me five three. Don't believe me? We'll call this mic stand five three. And now we're at five one. But even with the shoes, like, tall women are still hard to hit on. Like, I was hit on this one. Super tall girl. She was like 5 5. And she looks down at me and she's like, boy, you're so short. You would have to go up on me in the bedroom. I'm like, that's a weird way to ask if I keep a stepladder in my trunk. I'm like, girl, what do you think I'm wearing this shirt for? Like, I'm trying to eat my way to your heart. You know what I'm saying? But on the same note, I hate tall dudes who use the short urinal in the men's restroom. Because, like, now I'm over here having a tippy toe, fucking putting my chimichanga on the fucking over the rim. Like, how am I gonna explain to a girl that I got crabs from a men's restroom? It doesn't work like that. Hey, I'm Sacho Pancho Villa. Thank you. That's my time. Wow. Adorable. Absolutely adorable. One of the largest full grown babies to ever do stand up comedy. Ladies and gentlemen, giant when it comes to the weight class of babies, Sancho Pancho Villa. What's up? You're standing at five one, Is that what you said? Yeah. Five three with the shoes on. Five three with the shoes on. Incredible. When's the last time you measured yourself? Like, height wise? Yeah, yeah. Funny, funny. Yeah. When I went to get my driver's license. Okay. You got one of those? Your people normally don't have one of those. Do you have car insurance? Sancho Panchobia. Yep. Through usa. Let's go. Shout out. Yeah, right. Hopefully they lower my rate. I don't know. Okay. Usaid, usaa, US aid. Aid. Aa. Like the military. Oh, got it. You were in the military? Yes, sir. I'm a Marine. Okay. Absolutely incredible. What the hell were you doing in the Marines? Exactly. What was your specialty, man? I was an engineer company. So, like, we work with generators. We built stuff. We blew it up. Like, I have more certifications than my cousin with three fake IDs. Like, I could do Any Texas job. Wow. Yeah. Amazing. Sancho Pancho, you've been on the show a few times before. Yes, sir. You get very lucky. I'm hoping to tonight. God, now why the fuck did you do that? Yeah. Cause we're. We're pretty rocking the same haircut, Dr. Phil. Like, come on. Like, when did you go bald? Do you mind me asking? Oh, probably when I was, like, 19. God damn. Yeah, man. Wow. And how did it work out for you? How did you adjust, you know, with the comedy? Oh, well, there you go. I'm still struggling, obviously. So, Sancho Pancho Villa, you went bald at 19, standing at 5 foot 1. What do you think you did in this life or a past life for God to treat you like this? Question, Tony. And he apparently also made you extremely horny. A lot of your act has to do with women. You just said you're hoping to get lucky tonight. When's the last time you got laid, Sancho Pancho? A week ago. Wow. A week ago. Who was this? Who. What was this innocent person? Where'd you meet this person at? Just in my hometown, you know. Was she married? This one wasn't. This one was not married. That is true. We found out about you that you're into married women. You like wrecking other people's lives. Listen, like, the door's already cracked open. I just walk through it. You know what I'm saying? Even if it's the dog door. Like, I'm. You know, the dog door is open, you walk, right? That was tonight's Doritos blooper of the night. Put it on the cutting room floor. What were you guys gonna say at the same time? I was gonna say, yeah, he walked under the crack. He didn't have to go. Oh, yeah. I was gonna say, he walks right through the dog, right? He does. He doesn't have to duck down or anything like that. Work together. We all have. We all have different doggy door jokes. For you, Sancho, that's a good sign. That's how you know you're a hot dude. When. When you bring up a doghouse and we're all like, you're adorable, Sancho. So you find that there's a lot of girls that are into whatever you are. Women love a confident man. Yes, Tony, it is confidence. You do carry it well. When do you cry? When, like, do you let it out? Is there a moment ever? You work out, Sancho Pancho? I do. I'm down £10. What have you been doing exactly? Explain to some of these people out here how they can lose weight. I quit alcohol, so that was a big one. For now. Yeah. But on St. Patrick's Day, I dress up like a leprechaun, so, like, I'm one month away and I can drink again, so. Oh, yeah, that's perfect. And then, yeah, quitting alcohol and then just working out every day, so, yeah, amazing. Back to benching 245. That's cool. You bench 245? Yeah. Wow. Enough about your date from last week. If she's not 180, she ain't a lady. You know what I'm saying? Let's go. I talk about that in my book. Chapter 25. Chapter 25. Fat bitches are People Too Copy at your local Barnes. And no. What's the biggest girl you've ever hooked up with before I let you go? Sancho Pancho? Probably red band. No, probably. She's like 233. Probably. Yeah. Okay. That's an interesting guess. Wait, wait. Sorry. Not to be specific. That was such a specific weight. Yeah, like you. That's something you knew. That's a down. That 233 is a very specific answer, and that's how much I weigh. Is it really? That's my real weight. You really think so? Let's get the fucking scale out, everybody. No doubt about it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Come on. There it is. Redband. Oh, it's too good. Oh, it's too good. Come on, red band. All right, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Why? All right, so. So I will say I'm fully clothed, and that's. That was naked. He's wearing 27 pounds of clothing, everybody. Here he is. My real. My real guest, though. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. My real guess is I weighed myself. Like, by the way, if a bucket pool gave this many excuses before getting on this, I might do it. I'm just gonna say I bet I weigh about 239. Okay. All right. Don't do it. Red bed. You're wearing your 233, everybody. Here we go. Ladies and gentlemen, he's been here for every episode of the show. Sal, read it off for me. When it comes up, it just says, ouch. All right, it says ouch. Okay, do you want me to report that or what? Do we report it? 251.4. That's right, folks. He's wearing 17 pounds of clothing. Hey, it's getting cold outside. What do you mean? Sancho Pancho, get on that thing. Let's see what it says. All right, I'm Gonna take my shoes off, though. I'm gonna take my shoes off. 193. 193 now. What do you mean you weighed in today? What does that even mean? Oh, you're right. This thing is pretty heavy. Yeah. Okay. I'm 165.164.6. Everybody give it up for Tony Hitchcliff, everybody. Let's go. What is this? Kill Sancho Poncho? Give it up for me. Yeah, that's about ten pounds. You're right. I'll give you ten pounds. Maybe. Take yourself a joke book, Tony. Thank you. Thank you. There's the lovely Heidi, everybody. And Sancho Pancho. Sancho Pancho show. What size joke book did you get last time? I think you said, like, oh, a small joke book is the same size as a big joke. That's right. So you got a small one? Yes, sir. Well, today you're getting a medium one. Let's go. Sancho Pancho Villa, everybody. There he goes. And the show is off and running. You weighed in at 2:33 today. No, 239 today. 2:39. Were you naked? Did. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. Oh, it's the lovely Heidi, everyone. A lot of drinks coming tonight. You guys having fun out there? We got Dr. Phil, Greg Fitzsimmons, and Sal Volcano, everybody. And a ton of water. An absolutely shocking amount of water on the table. Can't have enough beverages. Hey, this podcast is sponsored by Bluechew. Guys, let's be real for a second. When it comes to performance, good enough isn't exactly good enough. That's why Bluechew just raised the bar. Introducing Bluechew Gold, the revolutionary 4 in 1 upgrade that targets both your brain and your body. Here's the deal. Most blue pills only focus on blood flow. Bluechew Gold goes further. It combines two proven ingredients for circulation, plus apomorphine and oxytocin to enhance arousal, desire, and connection from the inside out. It's not just about function anymore. It's about total performance, physical and mental. Bluechew Gold dissolves right under your tongue and starts working in as little as 15 minutes. That means less weight, more confidence, and a whole new level of readiness. 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You click on the link, add to cart, maybe even shop around a little more before find finally hitting checkout. As you're filling in your address, you realize you don't have your card anywhere near you. That's when you see it. That purple pay button that has all your information saved, making checking out as simple as a tap of your screen. Red. Bam. Shopify is the best business tool out there. See? Get started with your own design studio. With hundreds of ready to use templates, Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand's style. Shopify is packed with helpful AI tools that write product descriptions, page headlines, and even enhance your product photography. Oh, red band. Unbelievable. Get the word out like you have a marketing team behind you. Best yet, Shopify is your commerce expert with world class expertise in everything from managing inventory to international shipping to processing returns and beyond. So see, less carts go abandoned and more sales go with Shopify and their shop pay button. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com kill Tony. Go to shopify.com kill Tony. That's shopify.com kill Tony. Shopify.com kill Tony. That shopify.com kill Tony. Absolutely. Your next bucket poll goes by the name of Mario Zapata, everyone. Mario Zapata. How we doing, mother shiv? Hell yeah. A lot of crazy stuff going on in Minneapolis. Why is everybody mad at all these sommeliers? Kind of. They whine a lot, but that's cool. Whatever. Don Lemon recently got arrested. That shit's crazy. Just goes to show you, when life gives you lemons, get legal aid. I don't know what he did, but whatever. Ah. All right, buckle in, guys. What is the difference between a Jewish person. And an undercover cop? You may never know you were talking to a cop. Thank you. All right, guys. I think the reason the word retarded is such an offensive word is because so many People are. You can see it everywhere. I saw a school that said, get your Ms. In business. And I'm like, who wants to run a board meeting with multiple sclerosis? Can you imagine standing in front of everybody going, this company is built on a solid foundation. All right, Mario Zapata, is this your first time on the show? It is not. Oh, you better not. You look different or something. Yes, I recently started shaving my head because I was looking like Angelica's Barbie doll. Okay, Dr. Phil. See, that's possible. You could do that at any point, Dr. Phil. Yeah, well, if I look. If I looked like I was about to shoot up an anthropology store, I'd also shave my head. Now, what I mean by that is you came in hot. Yeah. For a minute there, I thought you were running for office because you just kept being like, there's too many Jews, you know? And then you said. What was the last thing you said? I think the reason the word the retarded is so offensive is because so many people are right. Okay. And how do you feel about that joke? Like, when you say it out loud to the silence, does it feel I'm behind it, dude. I know a lot of retarded people. Sal, what do you think about this guy? Well, I like that you had topical stuff, so you're writing new stuff. And I like that you really went for jokes. You really did. Thank you. I will say, though, you know, I noticed that you told. I noticed that you told everybody to buckle up before one of the jokes, and then you really. I mean, it really didn't deliver. You know, say, just be mindful of that. Are you gonna tell everyone to buckle up? Like, because the inference was that you were gonna blow their fucking balls off with this next joke. And then it was really just a. Just a, you know, a real par. Type of joke, and so it's funny. I never saw anyone tell anyone. Buckle up for this next one. And then basically just. It was a very mellow. Mellow joke after that. That was more for me. It was more for you. Okay, buckle up catchphrase, or did you just feel like coming out saying something sassy? It does feel sassy, baby. I don't know. Maybe I could use it as a catchphrase. So, yeah, buckle up, guy. Hey, buckle up. Yeah. Let me just say something real quick. Did you. You said that he said to buckle up and that it felt. I'll agree to disagree, Sal, because I feel like the comedy set was a little turbulent, and when you're on a plane, they tell you to buckle up because things aren't going to go according to plan, which is kind of. No, no. Buckle up, folks. Yeah. Hell yeah. But you do have confidence, and that's important. Buckle up, everybody. Jewish people will let you know. They're Jewish. Yeah, that's another. That's exactly what I was getting to next. You're good at spotting Jews. Is that the. Is that what? No, they usually tell me pretty quickly in a conversation. They tell you they're Jewish? Oh, yeah. Where are you talking to these Jews at exactly? Wherever I go. Wherever you go. They're everywhere, right? I mean, like, oh, that sounds bad. Okay. Starting to see why this guy shaved his head. All the way guy. Good lord. This guy. Yeah. Keep. Keep talking, guys. All right, this is what I signed up for. Let's do it. Okay. I mean. I mean, people are everywhere, right? You'd run into different people everywhere. Wow. It doesn't get much more racist than that. Everybody. But these people are everywhere. I can't go anywhere without seeing these people. Yes. Okay, Mike, how about this? Who's your favorite type of person? Okay, that's a total people direction changing question. You just did Dr. Phil. Let's stick with the Jews here for a second. Shift gears. Okay. Let's not shift at all, Doctor. Let me ask you this. You. You're seeing them everywhere. This and that. Is there anything. Is there anything. You've noticed a way to spot Jews before they tell you that they're Jewish? No. How long have you been doing stand up comedy? I've been doing a stand up for six years. I've been doing comedy for 12. I used to do music, musical comedy. Okay, well, you would sing. Yeah. You would write your own song? Guitar and stuff like that? Yeah. You have any original songs? I do. Okay, what. What notes are they in? What chord is it? Most of them are in G because it's an open. Okay, you guys want to play an open G? Why don't you sing us something, Mario? Okay. They'll follow you. Here we are, me and my best friend out at the bar and we're hammered again. And we're talking about all the girls we bang. We both drink until we can't see. Then my friend leans over and he says to me, hey, I love you, man. You're my bro. And I'm like, yeah, bro, I love you too. The part that's weird for me is cause he's telling me this while he's rubbing on my knee. My name is Mario and if you're having a bad time in the show so far. Well, buckle up, buckle up. I'm dressed like I'm ready to go work the late shift at Home Depot. Buckle up, buckle up, buckle up, buckle up, everybody. And if you're driving drunk through the Taco Bell, make sure to call your dad who's in hell and say, dad, I'm gonna get that same order you used to. All right. Hell yeah, Dr. Phil. Wow. Well, Dr. Phil making Mario Zapata hilarious. Get in on Pandora. Appreciate that. Yeah. Hell yeah. Hell, yeah, Mario Zapata. So you did musical comedy. Now you just do stand up. Up. Pure stand up. What do you do for work? I edit wedding videos. I make porn and I. Wait, let's stop right there. When you say you make porn, what exactly do you. Buckle up. Where was that personal stat before? I improvised a shitty song. Just trying to be discreet. Yes, we talked about it last time. We. I make giantess porn with my wife. Oh, that's right. You have a big wife. Wife. And you. Tall wife. Yes, a tall wife. Okay. Big difference. Yeah, you're not pulling a Sancho Pancho Villa out here. You're. You're going for the tall girls. Yeah, I like. I la. I like to set the bar high. Very interesting. And that's been good for you. Fantastic. You guys are making good money. Good money. Yeah. Have you ever thought about. You know, because those guys probably like the. Of the difference in height right. Between the two people. Have you ever thought about letting Sancho Pancho Villa join. Would charge him to be in the movie? That makes sense. Probably love it. Oh, yeah. All right. Somebody's going to charge. Gol. Yeah. Where do we. Where do we. Is it all available online or is there a specific looking up films? Do something. It's on. It's on. What is that a dot org or something like that? No, no, no. Okay, it's on. You sure it's not too. We sell it through square. We sell through square. You don't know the website of you and your wife. I support. I copy and paste everything, dude. It's like, wow. Yeah, yeah. Looking up films, Dove. Yeah, look that up. All right. You're doing great things. Mario Zapata, our second extremely confident Latino in a row. You as well. Yeah, it was good. Good, Mario. You know what? I'll give you a big joke, but there you go. I appreciate that. Did you get one last time? No. Okay, there you go. Boom. Good catch. It's a little off. A little sticky one. There he goes. Mario Zapata, everybody. That's perfect, Mario. That's A okie dokie. Well, there. All right, There he is. 12 years of comedy experience. There he goes. Mario Zapata, everyone. All right, our next bucket pool, ladies and gentlemen, goes by the name of Robert Carroll. Here we go. Robert Carroll. Okay, this looks like a new face. Make some noise for Robert Carroll, everybody. Fucking A kill, Tony. Wonderful. So I'm on shrooms. I gotta lead with that. Sorry. What are the odds? This is my second time I sign up. There's no way they're picking me. I'm shrooming pretty hard. So give me. Give me a little benefit, okay? So I got stuck here for the ice. Stayed at a goddamn hotel. Very nice hotel, but you know, how many times can a 60 year old man jerk off in one afternoon? 38. The answer's 38. 69 would have been funnier, but it's really 38. So the mushrooms thing. Anybody do psilocybin? But God damn it. Sprite. Oh, yeah. Anybody shrooming tonight? Whoop. Whoops. Well, I am. That was a bad idea. It's gonna turn out fine, I'm sure. So I talked to all these young people and I'm like, psilocybin's legal now. And they're like, oh, that's so cute. Are you. Are you microdosing? And I'm like, no. I don't know what the fuck is a microdose? Is 7 grams a microdose? Go. Yes. I guess I'm microdosing. Anyway, I'm Robert Carroll. Thank y'. All. You gotta love A guy who 50 seconds in says, it's going to turn out just fine. Amazing. You're certainly dressed like you're on a bunch of mushrooms. This all checks out. Robert, grab that microphone. Let's talk about it, man. How long have you been doing comedy for? I lied. This is my absolute first time in front of a crowd and a microphone. So a. Okay, perfect. We got it. All right, great. And you're six 60 years old. What made you want to start comedy now? I went broke. What? I went broke. Okay, ladies, stop. Dude. Okay, relax. Did you hear the laugh that got. Not at all. Shut the up. What is going on with the women in this room tonight? It is unbelievable. Midline. Some weird improv troop. Kamala loss, lady. Shut the up. God. What the Is going. Oh, this one's back now. Okay, Red band, very good. Wow. Can the ladies start heckling if red band's gonna jump in with his comedy? I understood that. My God. Okay, Robert, what made you want to start here today? It's a Long story, but going broke, in short. And just how did you go broke? Let's talk about. It's okay. You're on the show. Decades of working as a builder for the commercial construction industry. Built. Got a little quiet there, Robert. You've really fizzled out. Years of working. My short version is I just suddenly realized it. I'm going to be 60 and if I keep scraping, things will be. Eh. So them. I just literally went nuts. My whole family, they've decided to keep me. Me maybe. But like I said, I think it's gonna work out. I think he thinks he's in a Bed, Bath and Beyond right now. Is your talk. You gotta talk. I couldn't understand. I wanted to follow that story. Well, it's a rambling bunch. I did lead with him on mushroom. I really thought mathematically the likelihood of me being on today was not very good. But I do function at a reasonably good level. Mathematically, your odds are the same whether you're on or not on mushrooms. If you take an. An overload of my mushrooms, that's when you wouldn't sign up. I'm not sure about that. I'm not sure that's true. I'm here, man. My second try and here I. You got it. And you signed up last week as well. I did. I was here for the ice storm. What would you have talked about last week if you would have gotten pulled. Not on mushrooms. Were you on mushrooms last? I was on mushrooms. See you. Your whole plan was just to come out and go, I'm on mushrooms. I hope this goes okay. And it has been working so far. Where? Where has it been working? Have you been doing other open mics? I mean, my bank accounts aren't looking very good, but everything else is pretty sweet. Well, how'd you afford that scarf if you don't have any cash? Did you make that out of pubes and queefs? It's. Everything's negotiable. What the did that mean? I ain't trying to haggle that from you. This is an impossible interview. That's a you purchase. Tell us the fun fact about your life, man. You're 60 years old. And all you. All you've said so far is I'm on mushrooms. Okay? I'm 60 years old. I'm a commercial builder. I'm a grandfather of three wonderful grandkids who I. We had play day Saturday. I was not on mushrooms for that, Okay? I behave when the kids. How often are you doing mushrooms nowadays? Often as I can. Like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I Have found that. Are you dealing with some type of trauma or something like that? Aren't we all? Yes. Yeah. Like what? Can you give us some. Some. Something compelling about your life? Your. You have 60 years to reference here. Well, I lost £80 last year. Oh, well, that's so. February 10th. Thank you. Thank you. And then somebody said, hey, you're kind of funny. And, hey, you're kind of. So I've been. I was here because I was working on the show Meemaw with Roseanne Barr. I don't know if I'm. Anyway, I was here as a background actor. Okay. I got stuck. Joe Ellis is someone you know. Joe said, hey, you should do Kill Tony. Okay. I came with. You didn't know if you were supposed to mention that you did background work on the show Meemaw. Who. Who would want you to keep that to yourself? Excellent point. I'm. I'm. You're trying to follow. I know. No, but I'm. I have one other question. Do you put on all the jewels after you take the mushrooms? This. I actually, I was wearing these things before I was doing the mushrooms. But I do wear this pretty well all the time. Okay. I mean, I do not sleep. Is that strictly aesthetic, or do any of those things have a certain special meaning? It's probably ocd. Once you start wearing them, then you're like, oh, I don't have that on. I'm sure my lips. When about in your life did you start doing a lot of mushrooms? Oh, well, I did a lot when I was in college back in the 80s. Talking about this new one recently. My son just graduated from college and he's got a degree in engineering. A ballpark. Oh, a year ago. Year ago. Perfect. Let me ask you this. When did you start wearing that type of jewelry? Exactly. What's around your neck, that type? Probably two years ago. Two years. It was a fade. Is that answers. When did you become turquoise, Mr. T? Cool. Yeah, you've definitely got a Jeff Bridges Jim Henson about to get me to At a Wedel's Pretzels type of vibe. Jeff Bridges and Jeff Bridges, the other guy. Yeah. All right, Robert. I've kept you up here way too long. Well, thank you for putting up with me. Goddamn it. Snuck in and. And you didn't torture me. The crowd was great. I am going to do something. You're like, write. Write a set. Right, right, right, right. Write jokes sometime and then. And then you'll be back on. On. And then we'll know something about you. I love that you're on mushrooms. And now we all feel like we're on mushrooms. Yeah, it's contagious. Dr. Phil's throwing him a magnum condom. There you go. He probably thinks it's a gummy worm. There he goes. There he goes. Robert Carroll, everybody. Wow. Amazing grandkids. There he goes. Hell yeah. There does. Yeah. Show him how. Show Joe Biden how to get out of here. Is now dumb. Is now dumber. He's tripping so hard. These old people doing mass amounts of mushrooms out of nowhere. Insane. This podcast is sponsored by Talk Space. Talk Space is the number one rated online therapy bringing you professional support from licensed therapists and psychiatrists that you can access anytime, anywhere and take control of your mental health. Talk Space makes it easy to start. Better mental health leads to better health overall. Just like your physical body needs exercise, your mental health needs maintenance and attention. Talk Space helps you build competence and skills. Our therapists not only listen to you, they provide valuable techniques to manage stress or conflict in your life, helping improve your coping skills and self awareness. Life is all about how we are in a relationship with one another and communication is key. Talk Space can help you identify obstacles and create new meaningful connections. Talk Space makes getting the help you need easy, accessible and affordable. Plus, most insured members have a zero dollar copay red band Tony I love Talk Space. I think they're providing some of the best mental health treatment out there. I can't recommend them enough because therapy has led for me some crazy moments of transformation. Yeah, no, I can tell. And as a listener of this podcast, you'll get $80 off your first month month with Talk Space when you go to talkspace.com Tony and enter promo code SPACE80. That's S P A C E 80. To match with a licensed therapist today go to talkspace.com Tony, and enter promo code SPACE80. Hello there my dear friends. It's me, your favorite human being, very nice guy that cares about everybody. This podcast is sponsored by Tobas because anywhere worth going is worth going in good boots. Find your perfect pair with Toas. Their boots are handcrafted with with over 200 meticulous steps for broken in comfort right out of the box. And their in store experience is unparalleled with expert staff and complimentary beverages and customizations. Red Ban Tony I love my Tovas. I personally wear those rugged Chelsea boots and I highly recommend getting a pair. You know what? I will. That's an incredible pick. Winter time is prime boot season so start the year off right with a new pair of TOA'S western boots, not to mention their other apparel. They have elevated leather goods like wallets, belts and more. Everything at Chovas is crafted with the same attention to detail and timeless style. Shop Toova Western goods online@toovis.com or swing by a Toova store for the full experience with free drinks, boot shines and complimentary boot branding to make your pair feel personal. Right now. Get 10% off@toba.com kill Tony when you sign up for email and text. That's 10 off at T C O V A S.com kiltoni to copas.comkilton c site for details to Cobas Point your toes West. Make some noise for your next bucket pool, everybody. It's Tariq Morales. Hell yeah. You guys remember when driving a Tesla made you a Nazi? I miss those days. I like being called a different type of N word, which is ironic. I'm from Idaho. That place is full of N words. I had to go out and buy myself a Tesla model. Third Reich. That's what I drive now. See, this joke is only fun and silly if you can remember that the N word means Nazi. Right? So anyway, I see this group of filthy fucking N words coming down the sidewalk and they were headed right towards me because I was screaming out N word. Lives don't matter. Yeah, I hate black people, but not as much as I hate those blond haired, blue eyed N words. Thank you. Okay, 50 seconds from Tariq Morales. Good job. Anything after Robert Carroll's amazing. Anything after an old man going, I'm on mushrooms. That's just incredible. At least you tried, Tariq. Amazing. First time, Second time. Second time ever doing stand up. What made you want to sign up? No, no, no. Second time on the show. Oh, it is show. All right. How did it go, your first time? It went well. Yes. I had a full 60 seconds. It was great. All right. Okay. And how long ago was that? Maybe November. What did we find out about you then? What was the interview based around? Oh, I had a gong. Not that black. You had a gong? I had a gong. Yeah. I didn't get to pull it out. Oh. I had it in my passenger seat. Oh. Car the whole time. And I just had to drive home with it in. Okay. Yeah. That wasn't anything we covered in the interview last time. No, that was in your car. It was. Give us. What do you do for work, Tariq? I work from home, so I'm just like, getting paid to be unemployed. What do you do? Honestly, I don't know. It's like the. The Documents, they come in. I hit, like, green or red? Child care. And then. Yes. He's a Somali daycare worker. Everybody. Good job. Red band. Yeah. Mr. 233 over here. Okay, so you don't know what you do. You're getting paid. I'm getting paid. How much do you get paid? It's $20 an hour. How many hours a day are you working? Eight hours a day. Eight hours a day. And the checks clear? The checks clear? Yeah. Okay. What do you do for fun? Nothing. I like to play the piano. A piano player? You're a piano player? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Bit of a beige Beethoven? Little bit. Okay. Are you the kid from Fresh Prince of Bel Air? That's me. Yeah. There you go. Absolutely. Are you from Austin, Texas? No, I just moved here in July. Okay. Where were you at before that? Boise, Idaho. Nice. All right, tell us about being whatever you are in Boise. Yeah. I was the blackest person there, which is super embarrassing. Are you. Are you black? Half. Yeah, Half black, half Mexican. Puerto Rican. Oh, Puerto Rican. Okay. All right. Fair look. Yeah. You've been long enough out here. I. I just want to double back on the job. You do. Because you said that. I don't know. The documents come in, you said. And I hit red or green. Yeah. There's like a. Literally a thumbs up or a thumbs down. I just. You literally do not know what you do. Literally. Yeah. It's like something with finance. I don't. But what do you do? The fucking. The document comes in. I hit. I check these numbers to see if they match up with, like, client information. Are you on the cast of Severance? The work is mysterious and important. Definitely. The work is mysterious and important. Wow. How long have you worked for this company? Like, three months. Wow. Yeah. Not long. Why would you hit it green? The num. Because the. The numbers match up with the client information. It's fucking lumen. That's it. That's it. That's it. Yeah. And you would hit red when the numbers don't match. When they don't match. And you do this for eight hours a day? Eight hours a day. And watch movies. I'm on the phone, I'm hanging out with my comic friends. That's it. Was there training for this? Not really. No. Yeah, it's like, day one, they're like, all right, here's what you're going to be doing. And then they. And the name of the company. Company. What the. Well, you don't. I don't think he's. He's gonna lose this nothing. Burger job? If he says that, yeah. Tariq, what's your love life like? Single right now. I can't afford to date. I make 20 an hour, so. Yeah, I'm surprised. Yeah. Yeah. Single right now. I haven't been on. How long have you been in Austin? Since July. And so you've been on no dates? You've met no women? I went on one date. I met her, like, at a show at NAR Bar, and it didn't go well. What happened? This is perfect. Take us through the night, Tariq. Yeah, she was just like. She was like a bodybuilder. And I didn't. I didn't. I couldn't see it. She was wearing a hoodie and we went on the date, she was wearing, like, a tank top and she had, like, some fucking biceps. I wasn't ready for that. I think I was a little. She was, you know, thick neck. Neck. Thick neck, biceps. Did you. Is there any chance she had a dick? Didn't make it that far. I think. You went on a date with Joe Rogan. Milk meat. Involved in the foreplay. Yeah. A lot of venison. That's it. She was jacked. Now, now. And permission is. Speak freely. Did. When she took her hoodie off and you saw. Just Goon. Goon, Right? Yeah. And you saw. You were like, oh, there's a potential opportunity for me to peck her. Right. Did. Did you. Stay with me. Wait, what was that? Dr. Phil Peck? What does that mean? So, you know, she's so muscular, her. Her boobs have turned into pecs. So if you still want to achieve a titty foot, I'll send you a link. Yeah, there's. But when she. When she derobed or declode, did you get excited? Did you. Did you take a step back and go, this isn't what I ordered? Yeah. I broke out in a small sweat. I said, it's not what I ordered. Yeah. How'd you get out of there? I. I paid and I was like, pleasure meeting you. She went in for the kiss and. Yeah, you mean the headlock. Yeah, yeah. When she went in for the kiss. Exactly. What happened? She went in for the kiss, and I had enough time to, like, kind of think about it, so I leaned back a little bit, and then I just looked away. Her eyes were closed, so I just looked and pretend I didn't see it. And then I looked back. I was like, oh, hey, great meeting you. Wow. She was like a red document. Yeah, that was a. It was a thumbs down for me, doc. It Was a thumbs down. Wow, Tariq, absolutely incredible. What size joke book did you get last time you were on? You got a big one. All right, well, there you go then. Tariq Morales, everybody. Bonsai is making all kinds of different joke books. Small, medium, large. Some are black, summer brown like Tariq. Okay, so things are moving along here, but I think we need to shift the momentum. I mean, wow. This is been Sancho, Pancho, Mario, Robert, Carol and Tariq. I'm gonna. I'm gonna say none of them really knocked. Knocked it out of the old. Oh, I disagree. It's been my favorite so far. After Banger, I'm gonna bring up one of our unbelievable regulars. Ladies and gentlemen, to Sage the room. He is fantastic. Makes the noise for the great and powerful, the dark storm of Atlanta. This is Dedrick Flynn, everybody. I hate Waymos and I think only reason that we got these little self driving ass cars in Austin is cause there's not enough black people to go. I hate these little self driving ass cars because they don't. They don't leave the human factor in there. Cause if I'm drunk and I'm going home, who's gonna wake me up in the Waymo? When you get drunk and you get into a Uber, the Uber driver wake you up and they so hey sir, you're at your house, you know who wakes you up? In a way my the Tempe police in Phoenix, Arizona. That's where I went to sleep in a waymo. And these niggas weren't nice or kind at all. Take it from one example one time. Cause I'm a heavy sleeper. That's why they was mad at me about waking me up in a Waymo is they couldn't wake me up for 30 minutes. One lady one time tried to wake me up, she couldn't wake me up. She couldn't wake me up. She took my phone, unlocked it with my face, and then called my mama. Nigga. I was up, daddy Christian. I was playing nigga. I woke up immediately and I was like, I'm so sorry I started cleaning. Cause like. Cause when I was a kid, when I was a kid, if your mama start whooping your siblings, if you cleaning, she not gonna whoop your ass too. And so I woke up, just started doing push ups, cleaning. And then she was like, how dare you let this lady get it. And the next day I had to go to that same Uber lady place and then cut her grass and then wash her car. That's my time. Thank y' all so much. Hope that is placed denture flair, two minutes of material, tons of punchlines throughout, cleansing the room of the debacle of the past four bucket pulls. I'm so sorry. What are you apologizing for? The bucket pulls? Oh yeah, exactly. Great work, Dedrick. That really happened, didn't it? Yes, indeed. It sounds real. I texted the Instagram the night after that. I apologize to the tippy pull. And I was so scared the whole time. Cause it was like when you drunk and they wake you up, you still lying. When you wake up and you're like, oh, I shouldn't have been lying this whole time. And the whole time I was like, I'll be fine. I'll just call Joe Rogan. That's right. Phoenix Tempe Police love Joe Rogan. They do. They told me that when they was walking me to the Omni where I was. I just did a sold out show. I felt so bad. I didn't know I for. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Tim. And police to the two officers and I don't know y' all name and the Instagram asked me that too. They said, what officers? I said, nigga, I told you I was drunk. That's amazing. That is incredible. I've always, I never really thought about that. Falling asleep in a Waymo. There's no real I. I heard that they start playing music really loud is what I I, I don't know. Slept through that too. They don't have good music. That's what fucked me up. Cause I had went, I was leaving Rochester, New York and then I had a 5am flight so I stayed up, went to that flew. Did two hours in Tempe, Arizona. And I was expecting to see my grandma, but my grandma was diamond right now and she's from, she lives in Tempe. And so I didn't know until after the show. So I got drunk and I started hanging out and I started getting sad. I said, you know what? I'mma leave. And then I got na Waymo. And the Waymo, they have suggestions for music, but none of them are good. What are they? Music that you listen to. Dr. Phil music. Vertical Horizon. Sure. Shania Twain. I know. I love Shania Twain. Don't play with me, baby. I'm. Hell yeah. Shania Twain, Mark Twain. He listens to it all. Sure. Yeah. Well. Well, maybe, maybe next time I'll around that Waymo with you and we can go get some fish sticks or something. Or not. Or you can just look at me and say, we'll be right black you know that's right. Oh, don't do that again. That's terrible, Dedrick. I love those teeth. Is there a specific song that would be on a Waymo? If you needed music to wake up a black person that fell asleep in a Waymo as our senior black correspondent. And what song would you pick? Too Short. How does that go? What Too Short song again? What too? It's I go on and on. Can't understand how I last so long. That's right. I might have a superpower. Last 200, 3,000. That's as long as we can go without the copyright strike. So we get it. You play that nigga, you can bring me out of the grave. That is. You play too short, nigga, I be bouncing. They should have a hits playlist to wake me up. Don't let the knocking on the window that don't mean nothing to me. I'm from Atlanta. We go to sleep. The gunshots, Nigga, that's not. Absolutely. Nope. You think Pancho Sancho listens to Too Short as well? You live in Atlanta, too, don't you? Yeah, no, I'm in New York. I thought you was in Atlanta for a while. For TruTV. No. Hey, Atlanta. This nigga's a liar. That would be a great sketch on Impractical Jokers. Just you guys going around the streets of Atlanta telling each other what to say. Hello, my friend. Do you have an extra wallet to the guy walking towards you right now? No, but I'm about to see that I'm playing both roles in this. That's crazy. Dedrick, what is one of the more dangerous things you saw in your days in Atlanta? Oh, man. Besides my best friend getting shot in front of me to a clue. Oh, my goodness. Sorry, we don't have. All right, all right. The police don't come that fast in Atlanta. Right back. That sucks. Go ahead. I saw with my own eyes. This is crazy. I was at a bar, and one dude walked up to another dude and asked that nigga for a chicken wing. And the dude was like, order your own chicken wings. Cause he was like, yo, I bet you $25 I can eat your chicken wings faster than you. That doesn't work anywhere. He said, you did, but take your PO ass over there. And then that dude, I swear to God, this is the first time I've ever seen this entire my life. He had. He had a sock attached to a string. It was like, just a string with a knot on the end of it. He started swinging around like it was a nunchuck. There was something in the sock. Yeah. It was something that was like. But if you defend your wings in Atlanta, that's. That's your honor. You know what I'm saying? Like asking for a hot wing in Atlanta is like asking to somebody wife. You know what I'm saying? Like, that is. And this pulled out a gadget. He been waiting. Yeah. A sock with something in it at the end of a. You watch. You watch Lord of the Rings. You know when Saon came out with that little chain thing that was like. And was up the hills? This was Lord of the Wings. Lord of the wings. Ladies and gentlemen, that is tonight's Fruit by the foot joke of the night. Just to summarize, the two craziest things you saw in Atlanta was your best friend getting gunned down in front of you. Yeah. And someone eating someone else's chicken wing. Yeah. And pulling out. So there's a string and he's. Then there's a sock that's enclosed strings, and he has it, like, woven into, like, a bigger thing. Wow. He has like a. Not. It looked like a. I don't know what you call it, cuz I'm not from the medieval times. Right. You know what that is? But that had one of those. He was like, how dare you? Yes. And then. Did he. Did he. He hit him with that. Oh, boy. Did he. Oh, my God. And then the cop showed up and he said this. Asked me for a wing. And the cop said, we'll take him to jail. Oh, Dedrick, you're the best, man. Unbelievable. No asking for wings in Atlanta. Don't ask for no other dude. Wings that up. That's my new voice. Tony. You know, that's some wi. That's what the dude said. He said, don't ask me. Oh, my God. That weapon sounds scary. Yeah, it's usually pennies. They put pennies in a sock? Yeah. Who's they? Red band. Your people. Who's they? Your people. Who's they? The old they. Them. Black people got quarters too. I actually talk about that in my book, chapter 35. Black people have quarters. Your local Barnes and Noble. Black people are people too. Dedrick, you rebuilt the momentum in the room. Thank you so much. He's done it again. Clint, everybody. With some tales from the streets. Socks on the end of strings, and many great things. We heard you. Nine years of bring back the snack wrap and you've won. But maybe you should have asked for more. Say hello to the hot honey snack crap. Now you've really won. Go to McDonald's and get it while you can. Your next bucket poll is a one word name. Anything can happen. Make some noise for Tasia, everybody. Tasia. Oh my goodness. Hey, I just slept with my first white woman. Hey, I'm glad you proud. Cause my girl was pissed. For real. This is bad, nigga. This is bad. I had never been with a white woman before, but I come fast, nigga. I bust quick. Some people say premature. I like to say right on time. But now as soon as I put in, I bust like instantly, nigga. I was like, my bad. I'm sorry. Oh my God. She said, no, Jerome, it's okay. I said, that's not my name. But I like the energy though. It's real supportive. It's very supportive. This white woman, though, she changed my life, bro. She fucked me up N. She fucked me so good. I drink IPAs now, for real. My homie hit me up. He was like, you trying to go to the club? I was like, nah, nah. You wanna go to the brewery? We play cornhole and listen to Shania Twain? Nigga, we. Now, look, before we started having sex, she stopped me. She said, what are your kinks? What are your kinks? I don't have any kinks though. She said she had a praise kink king, which, like words, affirmation. Good girl. Like that. That's not me. I don't think I did it right. I was like, oh, you the goat. All right, that's my time. Tasia, great set. Fantastic. You've been on this show before? Once. Yeah. This went better than last time, I bet, right? Hell yeah. Well, welcome, welcome. How long you been on stand up? I just hit three years today. Today's your three year anniversary. How about that? Amazing. What do you do for work? I'm electrician. Okay. Yeah, I get up at 5am every day and work like 10 hours. Wow. Wow. That's when Red band goes to bed. New job, right? Huh? New job? No, no. Used to work at Apple or something like that. Hell no. I think you're thinking about one from State Farm the other day. Amazing. You ever get hit on when you're doing electrical work at a lady's house? No, I do like industrial, like. Okay. Data centers and shit. Okay. It was one time though. It was one time I went to a lady's house as a kindergarten teacher and she tried to sleep with me and my co worker. Yeah, Yeah. I ain't do it. I couldn't do it. I couldn't pull it off, but okay. I know, nigga, I'm not Happy about it? I'm not happy about it. You work at a data center? Yeah, I'm with the union, so I just get moved around. They just move me around. Do you know your data? I'm half white, so. Hey. Okay. Your dad's white? Yeah. Yeah. White dad, black mom. They still together? Hell no. No. No. Why do you think that ended? Do you think. Why do you think that happened? Do you have brothers and sisters? Yeah. How old were you when they divorced? They. They were never married. They were never married? No, no. I was like one, but, you know. Are you sure your dad's white? I swear to God. Okay. White as hell. All right. Super white. Okay. Yeah. And what does your dad do? He a realtor? And what does your mom do? Shit. Okay. The documents come in and then. Ah, Teja is an interesting name. T, A I. J. A. Does that mean something? Or Taj. Ta And a J. Ty J. Yeah. Tai J. Your mom is black. All right. That's what I call target. Tai Che. Okay. I bet nobody says that correctly. Right? Right. Impossible to announce that based off of this spell spelling Tai JJ. All right, Dr. Phil. Yeah. You mentioned the premature ejaculating. When did that begin? And. And how you. How you. How you treating it? Because I would venture to assume not many women receiving that information are fired up. Right. And I know you may finish. Some of. You're probably real. Used to hear them right now. Keep it right here. Let me. Yep. But what. What I mean by that, Tijuana is. Is. Is there. Is there something that you do to compensate, Right? So if you're gonna get. If you're gonna bust your nut. Corn nut style, Right? Yeah. And the girl's still laying there like a dead fish being like, well, where's my. You know, come. You know, where's my. However she says it, you know. You know, what do you say to make her feel like it's not a waste of time? Hey, I gotta get out of here, bro. Wow. That's what your white father said. Some heads up. You can last longer using bluechew Gold. Use the promo code tony@bluechew.com, get 10% off. That's bluechew.com. i love it. That's right. You really are like a union guy. You just. You leave before the job is done. Ha ha ha ha ha. That is tonight's Frito Lay joke of the night. Amazing. Ty J. What else do you do? What do you do for fun? I don't really have a lot of time. I just go to work and then I do comedy, man. My brother's gay. Oh, all right. What's his phone number? Throwing red meat to the panel. Desperation. What does he do for work? What does he do for work? Yeah, I think he like a librarian. Some gay. Okay. Hell yeah. All right. He's like one. That means he hangs around libraries a lot. Homeless. Amazing. Tai. J. Ty J. Some interest that he did just bring his boyfriend home for the first time. Oh, let's talk about that now. Did he brought. He brought him home to your black mother, to your white father. To my white father. Oh, okay. How did white dad take that? Well, I mean, you know, he's. He's. We'll be white dad. Go ahead. How did white dad handle that? He, you know, he very supportive and shit. He. He's supportive. I was mad, though. N. I was. I ain't like it. Right. What do you think your black mother would say about. Well, on my mama's side, I got a sister and she gay. Oh, shit. Yeah. But she a stud. Oh, yeah? Yeah. And then my brother on my dad's side, he like, like, you know, flamboyant. Flamboyant? Yeah. Okay. I would. He's a tiger. He's a. He's j. Tiger. Yeah. Yeah. He's a tigrarian. Okay. Was your brother's boyfriend big fat white guy? No, no, no. More like Tony's bill. That's right. 164.99. But I was mad cuz that was ugly, bro. That. That's the thing that made me mad about. That's what pissed you off? Yeah. Cuz I don't care if you gay. Don't bring no. You like ugly home. Yeah, but you got to get held to the same standard. Yeah, yeah. He. He look like he bite people. I'm for real. He had a up grill. It was bad. Maybe your brother likes to last longer in bed. And it's easy to do with an ugly person. Person. Thank you. Yes. This is some of my tricks. When I want to last long in bed, I hook up with an ugly man. Okay, this show's out of control. Did you get a big joke book last time? No. Well, you're getting one tonight, Ty J. There you go, buddy. And it keeps on rolling. On to the next one. Is the great JZ1 set. On to the next one. Your next bucket poll goes by the name of Greg McCowan. Everybody. Here comes Greg McCowan. Yo, what's going on? Kill Tony. Yo. Recently I've been trying to date, but it's been very hard with An Android phone. Because for some reason, iPhone users always discriminate on me based off the color of my text messages. You know what I mean? It's always weird. Like, every time I'm in a club and I'm trying to talk to a girl, I feel like Martin Luther King. I'm like, I have a dream that one day, green messages and blue messages will one day come together. You know what I mean? It was great. I can imagine I'll have a group of Android supporters behind me leaving the club. They'll be chanting shit like, green or blue, we don't care. Let us see your underwear. Like, like, shit's crazy. Across the street, you know what I'm saying? You'll see, like, the Android supporters, I mean, the iPhone supporters, they'll be saying, like, well, if he ain't blue, then he can't come through. Or like that. You know what I mean? Yeah. Holy. Holy. Okay, I'm pretty sure that's his. This is crazy. That's his closing line there. Greg McAllen, fast, guys. Greg, how you doing? Is this your first time on the show? This is my first time on the show. Welcome, welcome. How long you been doing stand up? About two and a half years, Tony. About two and a half years? Yes, sir. I love it. And Ty J. Is your brother, Is that correct? All right. I knew he looked familiar. He's long lost. Long lost. You know that's right. Greg McCowan. Okay. Two and a half years you've been on stand up. All here in Austin. No, originally from Dallas. Dallas. Okay. What do you do for work? All these people have fake ass jobs now. Currently unemployed. When's the last time you had a job? Last year, 2025. The last month of 2025. December. Yes, that would be. It took a little minute. It took a little minute to collectively get it. The last month of 2025, I think. 2025. A December. It landed on December. Correct. Was December and 25. Sometimes it's February. You never know when the last month's going to be. What was the job that you had until December? Worked as a customer service rep for, like, Spectrum. Basically, I was just calling people about their bill, trying to help them out and like that. Calling people about their bills. Dr. Phil. Yeah. I've recently been in too many, uh, Spectrum debacles. Oh, well, all. So maybe, maybe we could do a little role play here and you could give me some confidence in. All right. In the establishment. All right. Oh, Your phone's ringing. Dr. Phil. Hello? Who the is this? It's 10am you better be on fire. Thank you for calling. Thank you for call. This is Spectrum calling about your bill. It's been overdue for about three months now. So we're calling cuz you have missed your payments and we're trying to give you a little. You get to the fucking point, son. We're basically trying to give you a heads up to let you know that we'll be knocking something off your bill if we can get collect right now. Collect a little bit right now, you know what I'm saying? Don't talk to me like that. I don't know what you're saying. First of all, how'd you get this number? I start 69 to your ass. You start 69? Well, we, we got your number on file. We, we saw that you have been missing a lot of payments or a lot of households apparently. You just haven't been paying your bill. I don't know how you're not paying your bill. Well, it's been a rough. Ever heard of COVID motherfuckers? Well, you know what, I got you. I got you. This is what we'll do. Well, if you go ahead and pay 100 right now, you ain't even got to worry about the bill, dog. Don't even worry about the shit. All right, let me call my friend Redband real quick and see if he can Venmo me a hundred bucks. Uh oh. Redband, pick up the phone. Yeah. Ass. Hey, what's up, what's up, what's up? 257. Oh, you know, I'm just here eating. So. So, so he's the one we got, we got to get, we got to get the money from. So, so me and him are against you over there. Is this a three way call? What is happening right now? Who patched? Guy I called, honey. Oh, hello, is a fourth caller. Sorry. This is how we do things at the Philhouse. I know you guys are Spectrum think you can one on one this but I got a whole half court ready to play. Got a whole. You ever played a pickup game at 24 Hour Fitness? Guys just show up? Yeah. All right, go ahead. Tony, how exactly did you lose that job being basically paying off? A lot of people's like just pushing through and like that, just, you know, helping some people out. Okay. They didn't like that. They didn't with that at all. Okay, so how much money do you have in your checking account right now? Right now? Yeah. Well, just give us a ballpark. Ballpark. About 10 bucks. 10 bucks. Okay. Solid 10. When is rent due? What's your living situation? Currently? I live at the homeless shelter that's like right down the street from here. Oh, okay. At Arch. At Arch. All right. This guy loves the homeless. That's not as sad as having an Android phone. How long have you lived at the shelter? I've been in Austin for probably like about a month now, so. A month. Okay. And what are you. How are we going to. Wait, you moved from Dallas, so you had a living situation in Dallas, you're sacrificing it, right? All for stand up comedy right now. Comedy. Okay. How much material do you think you have all together? If you were to do your longest set? We just saw your Android material tonight. I would probably say between 10 to 15. 10 to 15? 10 to 15. Okay, so what can you do? Like, what kind of job can you be good at? Customer service? Anything sales related. Anything. Just dealing with talking to people is what seems to be the test. What was that? You failed the test. Wild straight. Okay, what's that? What's that from? Antonio. What? Oh, Antonio Brown, that's right. Okay, that's a deep cut. All right. That happened on this show. Holy. All right, I'm about to. I'm about to have to hire a brand new keyboard player. Do you not. I don't know. I can make some work. I don't know. He seemed pretty solid back there, dog. I'm kidding. He's. He's not going anywhere. What. What sort of food do they serve you at the shelter? Literally. Literally. They serve like scrambled eggs regular. You know, sometimes they do a little chicken bolognese. You know, some. Some types. Chicken Bolognese, amazing. I've never even heard of that before. That sounds like we're throwing in new. Well, you notice. Okay, said Bolognese, not Bolognese. It's like the dollar store spaghetti. Yeah, it's chicken and mayonnaise shaped into a ball. It's chicken Bolognese. Well, it's real good. It's real good. It's not bad. Yeah, food is food at some point. Oh, hell yeah. Well, how do you make friends there? Or you. You're a pretty, you know, chummy guy, you know? Yeah, I met some people since I've been out here in Austin there. Yeah, Dr. Phil has a great point. Very rarely do we get to talk to anybody, the flesh about living in the homeless shelter. So kind of take us through what might surprise a normal person. Or like, shit, man, where the fuck do I start? So it's kind of like a cot cold it's cold cot. Three bullshit meals, if you can call it that. Occasional fights, you know, a lot of crackhead energy. You know, you see people in the corner sniffing cocaine and, you know. But you don't do drugs. No, no, no, I don't do drugs. Okay. I. I watched him, Dude. I'm an observer, Tony. I watched them do drugs. And they do it in such a terrible fashion, but, you know, they do what they do. They do what they do. Okay. All right, well. Greg McCowan. Easy women, right? Like, do you ever get laid at the homeless shelter? Gotten laid outside of the homeless shelter? Yes, in a bush and then, like. Yeah, near a tree. Okay. You gotta find it anywhere you can get it. All right. Talk about that. It's like, that's crazy. Chapter 47, Old Bush, depending what year it is. All right, so you have family in Dallas? Yeah, I have family in Dallas. House. And. And did they just not. Did they. Did they kind of like, kick you out and tell you to go do your own thing or. Was moving to Austin to a homeless shelter your own idea? No, actually, they didn't kick me out. I just kind of just left on my own. Was just like, I'm just gonna do it. I'm all in for it. How old are you? 29. I just turned 29 on the 31st. Okay. Yeah. 31st. Of the last month. Of the. Yeah. Of some month. First month of the year. Yeah. All right. Happy birthday. Appreciate it. Does the shelter do anything? They give you like a cupcake or something like that? No, no, no. They. No. Nothing at all? Nothing. Damn. Nothing. This is all so interesting. Yeah, well, we don't have any, like, sales jobs or anything or anything like that, so this is going to be one of the saddest endings to an interview in the history of the show since you got a job. Yeah, she raised her hand. She definitely. She's been wasted for two hours. That is not the place to find hope, my friend. You think you could sell nachos? I think I can sell nachos. I can sell the. Out of some nachos. Do Greg McCowan. I'll tell you what, you have a lot of work to do, so here's a big joke book just to fill it up. Just to have something. Worst comes to worst, sell it. Double your net worth. Yeah. There he goes. Greg McCowan, everybody. There goes Greg. Yeah, let's do that. Let's go with one of our golden ticket winners who's here to pop in? Just visiting. Swinging by in town, ladies and gentlemen, this is a brand new minute from Jack Shaw, everybody. Here he is. It's Jack Sh. Ever since getting on this show, I have never been called autistic more in my entire life. And when I say autistic, they're saying retarded a lot. And when I say they, I mean my dad, this guy, he won't stop saying it. I'm just jewish, man. I'm. I'm just fucking. I mean, I'm so jewish. I have family on both epstein and schindler's list. Dude, I. You know, I realize there's a lot of similarities between autism and Judaism. Dude, there are. Like, there are, man. Like, I mean, we're both loud, we're prone to nervousness, we're very socially awkward. Shut the fuck up, dude. Okay. No, we're very anxious people. We can be obsessive. But I realized the number one difference between autism and Judaism is that Jews don't like trains. Thank you guys so much. Jack Shaw. You people really do come out and just say that you're Jewish. Yes. I've always wondered what you were just kidding. Greg Fitzsimmons. So the last guy worked for Spectrum. And you're on. I'm on. It's come full circle. Just like a choo choo train, if you will. Jack, that was funnier than you guys gave it credit for. Or a juju train if you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, don't play that. Don't play that sound, please. There you go. There's a little something to cleanse the bones. Jack Shaw, how's life been going? Dude, it's been going great. You know, the last time I was on the show, Joe Rogan told me to do some props, so I bought some props tonight. You had some successful props last time you were on the show. Let's it. Who's ready for some Jew props, huh? It's Jew props, actually. No, that makes sense. This first one is to make your Jewish friends feel comfortable on Christmas. Wow. Good. I love it. Hey, Jew props. We're talking Jew props. We're talking. Really doesn't want me to do this one, but this is a hidic gas. Oh, God damn it. Oh, you got it. God damn. We'll. We'll pick. Picture it. Oh, yeah, just put it on. Put AI on it. Just do it. Do it. Do it like it works. And then put the thing over your head. Second, this is a hidic gas mask. A hidic gas mask, everybody. There you go. He said it, not me. By the way, this one, this is an ancient dick Pic. That's. That's. That's my dick, dude. That's. What sucks. If anyone has a pig at home and that pig gets hurt. How about some oink? Mint oinkment? Wow. That's the dumbest thing I've ever seen in my life. Jew props. We're talking Jew props. We're talking Jew props. He's doing the Jew props. Jew props. This is a drawing by D. Madness. I thought that was pretty. I think that's pretty good. It looks great. That's amazing. Great stuff. Great. This is health insurance for a healthcare CEO. Ah. Bulletproof best. All right. Bagel and locks, top it up. This is a. This is Lego Epstein island, everybody. This is. I thought that was gonna go so much better. What the. Jesus Christ. All right, well, we have an expansion pack with Donald Trump and Bill Clinton, I think. All right, Trump was never on the island, but keep going. Clinton was 55 times. What's that one? Stephen Hawking. Yes, he was there, God damn it. That's right. Well, you know, we tried it. That's right. Jack Shaw lives in la, so they want. They will never let it go that Trump was never on Epstein Island. Just a fun fact, but he was never there. Okay, well, that didn't go great. It's like cow volcano. It's a little like Carrot. Stop, dude. That's what I wanted to ask Carrot. I was hoping Carrot Top would be here so I could ask him for some mentorship. So, Carrot Top. I'll be Carrot Bottom right here. Whoa. You were ready for that? Yeah. That's amazing. Hey, you want. You. Do you want this? Wow, that's a lot of. That's a lot of red. Pew. You want this? Here, I'll trade you. Can't have it. All right, I'll trade you. Oh, okay. Thank you. There you go. You can't use this. You can use that. You can believe in yourself. J. If I scrunch it down enough. It's fine. You could just put your whole body into it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Put it over my head. That fits one full Poncho Sancho. Take your time. Sound it out. Poncho Sancho Villa. Jack. It turns out we love good and bad props here. I loved it. Make some noise one more time for Jack Shaw, everybody. What a hoot. There he goes, the lovely Jack shot. Back to the bucket we go. This name came from the inside. Make some noise for BHC Tommy. BHC Tommy. Last Christmas, a Corpus Christi coroner was in court for having intercourse with corpses, and they said it was the best Sex ever magical, even. Abracadabra, if you will. Now that's what I call Netflix and Chilled. There's a burial plot twist. The offender is actually a woman. Thank the Lord for rigor mortis. She testified that her favorite movies are Die Hard and Rise of the Living Dead. In related news, a local drive by shooting at 12 casualties. That means she was down there gang banging. Gang bangers. It was Crips and blood everywhere with no regard for human life. Life because there wasn't any. She's also facing sexual battery charges literally, because she had jumper cables hooked up to their nipples. Here's the real shocker. She only got caught because she got pregnant. The dumbass was out there raw dogging zombies when she should have been using the Twilight birth control method. That's when you bang only vampires. And it works because a vampire can't come inside anywhere without permission from first. That's it. Okay. Vhc, Tommy. It was. There was a lot there. There was, I mean, there, there, that may have been the. So many. You had so many attempts. You had so many jokes and, and only that one at the end. I don't know what the 12 people that laughed at that one saw in the vampire thing. Maybe I'm missing it. Sal Volcano, I think it's Wayne Gretzky said you miss all hundred attempts that you take. No, I appreciate that. That was the most dense minute I've ever seen on this show. And what you did was you really hitched your wagon to one. One thing. And so once it, you know, was when you know what it is, when you came out, I, I, the setup was you got into it so quickly. I almost kind of was a little bit like, confused. Well, it's, it's part of a bigger set. That's not quite a minute. So I just try to. Is that your thing? Do you just have jokes about, like, dead corpses and stuff? Well, I mean, the only thing stiff about my love life is the competition. There's another one. Oh, bhc, Tommy, how long have you been doing Stan stand up? I've been chasing this selectively since last February. Okay. Chasing this selectively. Great way to say I'm not really doing it. Yeah, bro, you are gonna make it. That's what you gotta do. When you really want something, you chase it selectively. Yes. Yeah. What do you mean by chasing selectively? Take us through your work. So, so I've been a fan of the show for a couple years. Started chasing the bucket last February and. Chasing the Bucket. The Bucket sounds like a Judy Bloom Book that never made the cut. Chasing the book. Are you there? God, yeah. So, and I've. So I've done some mics and some practicing to get ready for this because it would be insane to come up here with zero mic. I agree, I agree. And, and if you, especially if you did that while on mushrooms at the age of 60, that would be insane. And it happened, happened here tonight. Okay, so, BHC Tommy, how old are you? I'm old, Tony. 43. 43. What do you do for work? I work with marine construction. Marine construction? You mean we build beaches. You build beaches? Yes, it's a thing. It's dredging. So we have a. We have a boat that basically has a drag head that sucks up all the material and then we, we, we pump it to the beach and the beach constructs the beach. Wow. And then red band washes up on it, and that's how you find a red band. Okay. BHC Tommy, so how long have you been doing that for? About seven years. Anything crazy ever happen when you're out there dredging? Yes, but I'm not really allowed to talk about it too much just because it's government contracting and whatnot. Not. But I mean, it's kind of like you were a background player. Let me give you an answer that you can. We find like, we find explosives and like civil Warhead missiles and stuff. And this is mostly off the coast of Texas. We do do work. You do okay, in Freeport, but I work most. I've been working mostly in New Jersey. Oh, I can't even imagine what you find in New Jersey. Absolutely incredible. How long have has your hair? How long has that been? How long? It looks like your barber was chasing your head. Selectively. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is true, Dr. Phil. Oh, shit, there he is. Mr. McGraw. Now that's a joke because I can't pull it off. So I'm obviously deflecting and admiring, but also judging. When I go to the barber, I just, I say make it look like GI Joe on this side and Barbie on this side. Well, you're killing it. But for real, how long have you had it like that? Probably like 18 months to my two months. So it's a new acquisition? Yeah. What made you want to go with that? I mean, I've always had like the Mohawk on the side, but I have a nephew who plays hockey and he's got like the flow and the mullet, so we kind of grew it out together. It's cute. Okay. Why bhc, Tommy? What does the BHC mean? So BHC has just, like, been my handle for all my social media ever since. Like, AOL Instant Messenger. It's just a nickname I've had. Banging hot corpses sometimes. Oh, fist bum. Hey, I want to play. I want to play Big Hairy. Wow. S. Your turn. So. So it really stands for Big Hater company Cuz. Just. I hate on all the time. Like, I just talk. Wow. What do you hate on? I mean, I'm just a troll in general. Like, I just. Oh, Jesus Christ. It's broad be hating coochie, I think is what she said. All right, BHC comedy. Here's a little joke book from the Great Bonsai. Keep trying. Keep selectively chasing your dreams, baby. There he goes. Bhc, Tommy. Some people just. Some people just try. Some people just hope for the best. You gotta try. If you don't at first succeed, you know, well, maybe figure do something else. Is that in the book? Chapter four? You son of a. Your next bucketball goes by the name of Lorenzo Tyree, everybody. So I don't do one night stands anymore. I do two night stands. Otherwise it looks, you know, makes the bedroom look uneven. Yeah. Last time I hooked up with the girls on 6th street and, you know, she takes me home, I'm super drunk, she's super hot. You know, we start macking as soon as we walk through the door. And, you know, I go down on her. I don't know why I was in the moment. I go down on her. I'm horny, that's why. But, yeah, she stops me, I'm like, oh, shit. Is she on her period? No. Like, she trans. No. She told me she had a DUI or. That's what I thought I heard, you know, and I'm like, why'd you. Why did you tell me this now? You drove us here and then you're gonna tell me that. That's fucking crazy. But. But she tells me. No, no, no. A vyi. I'm like, vyi. What the fuck's a vyi? She said, vaginal yeast infection. I was like, yeah, I'll take the Mac, you can keep the cheese. Thank you. My name is Tyree. All right. Lorenzo. Tyree. Lorenzo. Have you been on this show before? Yeah. Third time. Third time, what? Third time? Third time. Yes, sir. Absolutely. Welcome. How's it going, man? Man, pretty good. I didn't expect it tonight. I was drinking a pitcher of that good stuff, the tequila pineapples. You had a picture of tequila pineapples? Yes, yes. You think that. You think that was a good idea? Yeah, I was like, you know, chill. And I. I love being hanging with the other comedians. It would be fun. Okay, well, are you the second Aunt Viv from Fresh Prince of Bel Air? I am not. All right, let's make it small talk. Thanks, Dr. Phil. Thanks. It is incredible. I like your. I do want to say, you know, the. A lot of sexual content tonight, which is fair. It's a relatable topic. It's something we're all going through and trying to. Trying to figure out. But you said a second stand, so you are out there trying to grease the wheels quite often. Yeah. Well, it's a simple yes or no question. You're an active season. Preseason. For what? Wnba. The are you talking about? You look like reading my way of saying you look like a giant lesbian. Lorenzo. Thank you. Thank you. You're welcome. Somehow you look like every character from Sesame street at once. It is so crazy. Absolutely incredible. Ladies, any. Any stud likers out here? This guy's built like a palm. Palm tree. Look at this guy. Oh, my God. Tequila pineapples. Do you ever make jokes though, about your appearance? Because that is a one way to get the crowd on your side, right? It's to be self deprecating right out of the gate. Yeah, yeah, I got. I got a couple. Got a couple. Yeah. I missed last season because I was in a Russian prison. That's. That's Alaska. That's why. Yeah, Alaska is basically a Russian prison. All right, Lorenzo, what do you do? Do for living. Mainly work a smoke shop job. Right now I also work fireworks in Alaska. You what? I work with like. I do fireworks out. You work with fireworks? Yeah. What exactly do you do with fireworks? Cargo containers come in with full of fireworks. I. Where are they coming from? China? Yeah, I think so. You don't know where they're coming from? Well, who else makes fireworks? Tony? I'm asking you. You're the one that works in the business. Lorenzo J. Jesus Christ. The attitude on these children nowadays. Fucking people. It's unbelievable. Lorenzo, anything happened interesting in your life since the last time you were on the show? Me and my girlfriend separated. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. How long were you with her for? Met her in May of last year. Dated her in August. August to. To January. Okay. You just named a bunch of months and it didn't get a single answer. Audio perfect. What. What made this separation happen? They were just. There weren't any more fireworks. Yeah, the fireworks went out. I'll be here for the rest of the evening. What made you separate? I just think we were too different. You know, not the yin and yang type either. What do you mean? Too different? Isn't she a woman as well? Well, You know, I like working out. She really didn't. Long term, that's, you know, I need that, you know, future. No, like going out. I didn't. She like what? Going out. I. You know, I didn't like going out. You're a homebody? Kind of. Kind. I go out for mics and stuff like that, but. But, you know, I don't like to be up too often. I get. I get really drunk sometimes. It sounds like you do that a lot. If you drank a pitcher of tequila pineapple before the opportunity of a lifetime, I'm pretty sure you might have a drinking problem. Sorry, Grandma. What? That's his closer. That's. That's how he signs off his sets. Sorry. Hey, that's my time. Sorry, Grandma. Yep. So I'm actually not mad about it. It's a little bit better than Buckle up. They're in the same department store, though. Lorenzo. We're gonna keep it moving along. There goes Lorenzo Tyree, everybody. There he goes. You got nothing but little joke books, right? I'm guessing little and medium, so. Okay, little medium next time. Keeping it moving along. Tongue. Make some noise for Scion Lazar. Out of the bucket. Go, you drunk ass. Jesus Christ. You thought it was one of those AMB doors that open? One of those automatic curtains? Hold on, hold on. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You just missed something crazy. I don't know if you guys heard, but Dr. Phil just said he thought it was one of the Those gas station doors. He stood there waiting. Let's reset. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the kil Tony debut, I do believe. One more time for Scion Lazar, everybody. Well, I just came from Shanghai. I'm sorry if some of my humor doesn't land, but I'm used to talking to people who don't speak English. So if you don't mind, I'm going to talk a little bit about some Chinese problems. If you people think that they don't drive, well over here, you should see how they walk. There's this one guy, he walked into me about 10 times. It's kind of like those remote cars. When they bump into something, they don't even look up from their phone. They just keep on bouncing into your ass until they just burn out. The other problem is they got a lot of metrosexuals out there. Does anyone know what a metrosexual is? If you don't know what A metro. Calm down, Americans. Calm down. Stand on your head and calm down. Like the police say. Sir, put your hands in the air. Stand on your head and calm down. Down. No. Calm down, sir. You need to go. No, what they do is in the metro, if you're walking around and you don't know what a metrosexual is, just watch who's bouncing off of the poles. All right. Sion Lazar. Sion. Where are you from? I'm originally actually from Texas, but I live most of my life Mediterranean. In the Mediterranean Sea. In Mediterranean area. Yeah. Greece. How old were you when you moved to The Mediterranean Sea? 19. 19. And how old are you now? I'm 34. 34, so. Oh, my God. You in 15 years. Okay, guys. Jesus. I see why you moved to the Mediterranean. Drunk Latinos everywhere. So in 15 years you're saying that that accent's like real. Well, you work on it. You know, it's not perfect, but you polish it and you sleep on it and it is what it is. I don't know what to say. No, I think you're reversed. I think he's saying that the accent you have now, what you're saying. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He thinks. Bear with me. Yeah. You think that he's saying that you're trying to achieve a better American accent and you're working on that. Oh, he's saying that you lived here for 19 straight years first and definitely didn't speak the way you're speaking now. Yeah. And then you picked up a heavy accent from the Mediterranean over the last 15 years, which is peculiar. Yes. This is like me coming back. Back from the two week vacation I took last year to Rome. And me coming back, like, how is everybody you're doing? I don't even know what to talk about. It's going to be a home to America. He's like how you say cucumber? If you understand me. I, I don't. You hear these metrosexuala. I've been in the Mediterranean for about 15 years. I was born in Texas. Can you hear the Texas in accent? Holy. I am from a Texas. We like a thing to be. And I'm an English teacher, by the way. It's the worst thing. I was born with a barbecue of flies like a wings. You never ask another man for a wing book. The. The dog everywhere the owner. And then it rubs into something way deep. Way deep. The was that the only accent they know is Italian. It's strange. Sorry, grandma. Well, I mean. To ourselves, if you, if you got a Rhythm. Continue, gentlemen. I'm enjoying myself too. So the accent. You're. You're you. You would label that more as Greek? No, probably more Israeli. Actually, Chilean. Okay. I speak Hebrew. I speak a little Greek and Turkish too. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Didn't take him long to bring it up, did he? Yeah, baby. He's back. Fitz dog. If you ask, you're gonna find out that is tonight's Honey Nut Cheerios. Joke of the night. Wow. So, Cyan, I gotta give you credit. Out of all the interviews out of the bucket I've had tonight, you do seem like the most interesting. You're answering questions. It seems as though you have some. Some life experience. What have you been doing over there? What made you leave Texas and go to the Mediterranean? Oh, well, I teach English. I focus on the adjectives more than the nouns, if that makes any sense. This is incredible. But not the pronouns. Over in America, things are very strange, pronoun wise. Go on, tell us about that. Tell us about that. You have global knowledge. It's good, what you're saying so that Americans can hear it. Go ahead. Well, so you see, you have the he and then you have the she. But sometimes in certain circumstances, the she or usually the he will decide that he would like to try the other side. So he looks up a doctor and the doctor says, turn around. And then he examines the size. That's the first thing. And if it's too large, Then he needs special equipment. It. But sometimes it's. It's minimal. It's nominal. And in that case, he just says, continue with what you're doing, put on a little lipstick, and you're good to go. Anyway, to the bride and groom. Yes. To the worst wedding speech of all time. Can you imagine your best friends getting married? He's up here going, hey, let's get the toad. Let's get the. Go to meet Zelda in the parking lot for some rubbing toads. What the was that? I. I'm Aari. I drink a picture of a tequila pineapple. That is true. It is not the direction I thought things were going to go, but I found it hypnotizing. So you teach English in all those different places and you kind of just go wherever you want? Well, yes, that's the way it is. It's kind of addictive, actually. Once you start traveling, you just can't stop. You just keep running away forever. And you convince people that this is the way Americans speak. So wherever I'm teaching, they're going to talk like me. And wherever you're teaching. You're going to talk like them. You have to assess, assimilate. You have to assimilate. Hell, yeah. I don't want to be. Say, this is the one contestant tonight. Panelist. Yes. What do we call them? Bucket pool. Bucket pool. That looks like he gets. That is true. Or dick. Do you do. Well, I. I've seen one or two. It's not you. You. You. You present like everything you're saying is so much more important than it really is. Yeah, it's f. You might not think it's funny. I'm gonna go home. You got me hooked. I'm like, what? What. What happens to the he and the she? It comes from Genesis, chapter six. And they knew that they were naked and they hid themselves in the garden. God agrees. We are getting worried that God agrees with you. Nibbling on Christians. Christians. Where the Christians? Questions. Okay, Scion. Go ahead, Dr. Phil. Do you do drugs? Excuse me? Do you do drug? Like, are you a casual weed smoker or. No, no, I live in China. They kill you for that. You live in China now, too? It's the death penalty. Yeah, I live in China now. Oh, I live in China. So Wong. I talk like did Now I teach English. What's up? Can you imagine? Have you ever heard a white guy with a Chinese accent? This guy was born in Bucking, Texas. It could happen, and I wanted to. What'd you say? If there's any Chinese people, you know what I'm talking about there. Yeah, we don't. We have a very small Chinese. How dare you say there's Chinese people in Texas? I talk about that. Not here, actually. Is this a clan meeting? What the. All right, Scion, relax. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. A Wuang Clan meeting, perhaps? Okay, so. All right. What does scion mean? Sion. It's like Zion in English. So. Oh, you are. You are Jewish. Okay, that's enough. There you go. Sit down. He said buckle up. In Hebrew. Tomato, tomato. Ray Romano. You know what I'm saying? If I killed your gods, don't mess with me. What the. Don't talk about that in this book. But. All right, all right. If we. If we killed God. Seriously, do you want to mess with the guy who killed God? I'm just saying. Yeah. Is that what you use on a first date? Yeah. How you've seen two pussies. If they come at me with, you killed God? I'm like, so why you want to. With the. Who killed God? You know what I'm saying? It's pretty badass. If you ask me. All right, all right, all right. I'm sorry. Like you told. You put it on me. You put it on me. If I. God. Killer. I'm going to put that on my sweatshirt. Yeah. Here you go. Here's a medium sized joke book. See, on. Oh, thank you, Sion. There he goes, everybody. There he goes. Thank you. Thank you for the conversation Station. Those. Those doors will open up automatically if you just stand. A lot of handshakes. All right, there goes. There they go. Thank you. One more time for Scion, everybody. All right. Okay, we have one last bucket pole, ladies and gentlemen. Make some noise for Layla Engels, everybody. We know Layla. She's been on this show before. Hi, guys. Hey, guys. Hey. Mother ship. It's good to be here. I've always had a nervous energy about me my whole life, but standup has helped me a lot. It's been a huge confidence boost. Sometimes after I get off stage now, people come up to me and they'll be like, layla, great set. And that makes me feel good because they're just B cups. Okay, Sick, sick, sick. A little bit about me. I can't watch Kevin Bacon movies with my dad. He's Muslim. I have been single now for, like, 13 or 14 months. I don't remember exactly. I'll have to recount the slits on my wrist. It's been 14. I was with a guy for six years, and then after six years, he told me he needed blonde hair and big boobs to come. And I was like, well, we can dye your hair. Okay, thank you, thank you, thank you. Layla Ingalls. Welcome back. Layla. How's it going? It's going good. It's going good. Were you gonna say something else there? No, it's going good. I just wish I had time to finish my joke. I'm sorry. Did you want to do it? Oh, just do it. Really? It's kind of long. How long is it? It'll be no more than 40 seconds. Okay, there you go. All right. Sure. Let's do it. What do we got to lose at this point? Layla, Go right ahead. He told me he needed blonde hair and big boobs to come, and I was like, well, we can dye your hair. And then I felt like the meow interrupted it, but, you know, I'll be quiet now. Okay? There's just something in the air tonight. All right, Layla. That's one way to do it. Layla. Okay, welcome. Welcome back. It's been a while since you've been on the show. It's been about a Year, right. I think it's been two years now. There you go. How's life been going? If I remember correctly, you lived. Lived in Ohio. Yes, yes, I. I still kind of live there, but I'm. I'm more like a vagabond. Is that what it's called? It's called Vagisil. Vagabond. Vagisil with an s. What do you think? What do you think that means? I think it's vagasil. I think I meant to say vagabond. Yeah, but I made it sound like vagina and bondage. But it just means I don't have a whole home. Okay, what's your living situation then? I just, I go where the shows are, so I just travel as many places as I can, doing as many shows as I can. And then when I am in Ohio, I'm staying at my mom's house. Shout out. So where do you stay when you're say here? You have like, friends? I'm at an Airbnb. All right. That's better than 90% of tonight's bucket pool. So that's fantastic. Where do you get the money to do things like that? Do you have a job? I. I have. Yeah. Yeah, it's a. That's a yes. You know how only fans does those Specials now? Yep. Dr. Phil does. I mean, I've heard of Dr. Phil. Most days he's gonna fall. Mustache holding on by a thread over here. So, Layla, you're on Onlyfans. Yes. Okay. What do you do on Onlyfans? Oh, God. What types of things do you do? One of the panelists, I'm not gonna say who, but they wanna know if there's perhaps some pics of your feet on there. No, I'm actually, I'm not gonna name any names. No, I'm really insecure about my feet. Those are. Those aren't depicted. Oh, wow. Makes it hotter. Red band. Red band. That is disgusting. He said it makes it hotter because she's embarrassed about her feet. Greg, text Greg. Doesn't make it hotter. More layers the better. I like fucking Eskimos. Wow. Okay. So, Layla, what exactly are you doing on OnlyFans? It started out very wholesome. It always does. I would post like stand up clips, you know, like, I would just run jokes by OnlyFans. And then if it was getting like laughing faces and people liked it, I got the compliments confidence to put it on Instagram. But I would just post stand up clips and then they'd be like, get your tits out if you're not doing anal. We won't listen. Well, in my defense, I was drunk when I wrote that, but I, but, but I didn't. It doesn't mean I didn't mean it. But I take it back because you're very funny. Live in the flesh. For real. Thanks. What a weird thing to do to workshop your jokes on a porn site. No, I know. I've always thought it's so weird that only fans were wanted to rebrand because, you know, like, they want to do like a sports channel. Right. They want to get out of the porn business and they have a cooking channel because, you know, whenever you want to learn how to marinate a steak, you go to a pornhub. Right. So I think it's. Yeah, if you want to make some bolognese, you go to a homeless shelter. Chicken Bolognese, delicious. Do you have a QR code or anything like. So is it just, just your standup on Onlyfans? It really started that way. Uh huh. I was getting so discouraged. Every comedy post I would make, they just really wanted me to take my clothes off. And you're surprised by this? I was surprised. I was like, oh, it's a comedy, only fans. And I thought, so what is it now? Answer the question. Like, what is it now? What is it? It become like, what are you doing right now on that. Speak. Just tell us what are you doing on there right now? If we went on there right now and paid, what would we see? Oh my God. You're like, what has it, what has it evolved to it? So now I have taken my clothes off, I have spread anything though it doesn't. The flower hasn't blossomed. Okay, I'm so, I'm so uncomfortable. Why? It's your life. You're the one on it. You're actually about to make vast sums of money now that you're talking about your only fans on the show. I know I am extremely blessed. It's the reason I can afford to like go places and get Airbnbs and not have to sleep on couches every night. So I am very blessed. But, but I'm just not like a, like a real like sexy energy. Are you shaved? Red band. Red band. You can't ask female comedians questions like that. We're giving these people the opportunity of a lifetime and this show is built to give people a chance to live their dreams. Are you sh. No, I'm kidding. I'm joking. It's a thing we do. Anyway, they, they have requested that I keep a blush. Wow, look at that. So you. Who's they? The cast of Space Jam. I feel like it's gonna be you and Sal after this. Well, no, I'm happily married, but I appreciate the thought. I do like your sweater. Let me ask you this. Do they ask you. Did they ever. Do they ask you something so weird that you're like, I can't even do that. Or is it all pretty. A hunky dory? I. Yeah. I mean, I have gotten requested to, like, if I could, like, jerk off a dildo with my feet and stuff. And I'm like, it doesn't even have skin to move. How am I gonna. Again, When I wrote that, I thought that I was being playful and jovial. The eyes. Jovial. Jovial is the word I'm looking for. Yeah, but, you know, take 100% of the shots. You don't. What is it, Gretzky? Yeah. You missed 100% of the shots. We're moving on S. Yes, it is. So you were, like, on Only Fans, and you were like, oh, you know, I. I have to check and see the 13 or 14. I have to check my wrists, and they were like, jerk off a dildo with your feet. Yeah, yeah. No, for real. Real. When I was contracted with Only Fans, part of the contract was you had to go live twice a month. And so then it would just be me talking about, like, how comedy's going in my life. And then one day I was kind of sad, and I was like, guys, I'm kind of sad today. And then they're like, so, do you do customs? And it's just. It's a lot. They don't give a. It's a. It's a joke to try to do anything other than sex stuff on Onlyfans. They're not gonna have me back after this. I think you're gonna be just fine. I disagree. I think you've upped the answer. Do you have any bundle if you haven't spread your wings? And then you said, yet. Is there a date we're all looking forward to? Is there a big payoff? I don't want to say. Like, I don't want to say I'll never do anything, because I've already done way more than I ever thought I would. Like what? We know what you haven't done, you haven't spread it. Yeah, but what have you done? What could someone. Let's say one of the millions of people watching this. What have you done? It's a fair question. Let me remind you. You could have gotten a job, like, everybody else did. But you wanted to take the easiest possible route, which is posting clips of your stand up on only fans. You signed a deal and things got a little wild after you started reading what people were writing you. Yeah. So what's the most extreme thing you've done? Oh my God. It's. It's really not bad. It's a. Once I was just wearing a nice dress, you know, it's a fully nice dress. Much like the ladies here. Slow. And I. I was. And then. Don't pay any attention to the fucking weeble in the corner. Yeah, go ahead. I. I rolled a blunt on my bed kind of bending over. And then once the blunt was rolled, I put a big jacket on and I went outside to smoke it because it was cold outside. And then I went back in my room and then I took the jacket off and then I took everything off, even the blunt paper, off the weed or. And then I kind of just like rolled around on my bed like, oh, does this look sexy? And then this was a stand up or this was the. How much do people throw at you for that? Because that's. I mean, good on you, by the way. I mean people want to pay and, you know, you got to give it, you know, it's. You're. But I support taking advantage of perverts, you know. Yeah. So good on. Well, yeah. I mean, it's literally the reason why I'm able to like get better at stand up and stuff. Right. I can wake up and write and then hit mics every night, do shows as much as I can and like don't have to worry about money. So I'm using it to chase my passion. And you just have to go live twice a month. Is that the. That was when I was on the contract. I'm not on the contract anymore, so I can post as little or as much as I want. How often is that right now? I probably. I post like twice a month. Okay. All right. I usually. It ranges from like 35. Like 30 to 35 for a post. You're nodding. Are you on there? I'm scared. So do you have like an only fans name or is it your name? It's. It's me. It's my name. Yeah. Wow. No alias, right? Yeah. For those of you watching the show, that's L, E Y L A I N G A L L S. We're trying to. We're trying to get you some money. I appreciate it. It is a mind to me because for about a year now I've been In the top point 51% of all content creators on only fans. Wow. And it freaks me out because it's like me and then the top porn stars and they like, are doing anal and stuff, and that's overrated. You'll get there. We support small business here too. Red band getting awfully chatty on this bucket pool. You just. You going to invite her to the secret show or you going to pretend like you're shy about it? I already know from her only fan bot that she's out of town Thursday, so next time. Is that true? I am out of town on Thursday. Oh, my God. Well, hey, I've got. I've got an idea. Oh, Dr. Phil. Well, a good friend of mine, mine, Adam Ray Jew is going to be here headlining the mothership this weekend. You want to do a guest spot on one of the shows? Oh, my God, I would love. There you go. Wow, look at that. Leila Angles. Wait, she just said she's not in town. Not in town. The bot doesn't lie. Well, what. What. What day? March 31st, 2039. No, this. February 6th or 6th? 7th. That's this weekend. Is it Friday? Saturday? Yeah. Okay, well, I was gonna. I'm in just in Houston on Thursday. I'm co headlining the riot, but I will come back and be here. Yeah, one of those. Just. There you go. Message. Yeah, figure it out. Thank you. Wow. Dr. Phil's gonna get a little Instagram DM tonight. I hope it goes to the actual Dr. Phil. Okay. Hey, can I still do guest spots this weekend? Like, what the hell? What is this girl? Robin? I swear I don't know. The woman in the sweater. You know how I'm allergic to wool? Layla. Fun times. There she goes. Layla Ingalls, everybody. What an episode we started with William Montgomery. We had the great Dedrick Flynn. Ari. Maddie is in Estonia being the celebrity, biggest celebrity in the history of his country. So you must be asking yourself, how do you close an episode that starts with. William Montgomery has three of the funniest comedians in the world on the panel. And I think there's only one option. This young buck came on the show, won a golden ticket, and then took over. Just complete full control. Became one of the most intimidating forces in the history of the show. So much so that I let him do whatever he wants. It's been a while since he's been on. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the long awaited return of the one and only Timmy. No breaks. All right? Big pop in the beginning. Listen, a lot of people have been saying, timmy, no jokes. This Timmy. No jokes. That. I know I can write jokes, so I wrote a few jokes for you guys. I have a lot of nervous energy, but stand up has given me a lot of confidence because sometimes after I get off stage, people come up to me and say, great set. And that makes me feel good because they're just B cups. Take notes, you fucking dumbass retards. That's pretty fucking easy. He's another one. Sam J. Ladies and gentlemen. She's a black lesbo, which means she doesn't eat pussy. She all hell gnaws on it. Relinquish my time. Wow. What the fuck? Wow. What's up, gay guys? How we doing, everybody? We good? Timmy. Motherfucking no breaks. Absolutely incredible. Oh, thank you. That I recognize some of that material. Well, yeah, Tone, it was a cover. I mean, what are you talking about? In music, we do covers. I do a lot of music now. I'm not just a comedian, so it's totally normal to do covers. The number one comedy album on itunes. I am the n. Well, yeah, Number one comedy album on itunes, but if you have an ipod shuffle, you're probably bumping that shit all the time. I bet you love my shit. Yep. Make some noise for my fucking album. You recon. There he is. No mercy. No brave. The only person that we should actually buckle up for. I totally agree. I totally agree with that. Thank you, Timmy. Unbelievable. Oh, look at this guy. Is this Dr. Phil? Yeah. What's up, player? Hey, Timmy. Good to see you. Good to see you, too. What kind of doctor are you? That's a personal question, but if you follow me on Facebook, I'll give you a couple responses that might direct you towards what I have. You know, I haven't been practicing for quite some time, Timmy, but. But originally it was psychotherapy, and then just social work stuff. Just kind of a lot of parenting. Oh, so you're not a gynecologist. You're gay. You're gay. That's gay. Little fun fact for you. That got way bigger pop. What the is going on? I call him gay. I have seen a. I've seen a couple vaginas. Your wife's trying to. Right. You show your wife's wife and you know, every fourth of July we try to spice things up. She brings a friend over, usually somebody I follow on. Only fans. Anyways, what else is going on? Come. I was just going to say a little fun fact for you. Kill Tony die hard fans out there. This is the first time in which Timmy. No breaks. And Dr. Phil or any form of Dr. Phil. Have ever been on the same show at the same time. This is quite the eclipse. Very gratic. Yeah, it's like the traveling Wilberries or something. Something like that. Two all time greats all of a sudden. Wait a second. What. What is that? What are you talking. I mean, it grills. I'm doing. I'm doing good. Tone, you have a grill now too. Yeah, I'm making money. I'm doing good. I got a. I got a entourage now. It's pretty good. You want to meet him? Yeah. Yeah. Guys, come on out. You have an entourage? I got a entourage. Oh, my goodness. Holy. Whoa. Yeah. Give me my fucking entourage, everybody. Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, give it up for my fucking entourage. This is Ledankty. He's my weed roller. This is Le Suquel. He yells at waiters for me. This is my driver. I don't know who the fuck that guy is, but I mean, Johnny Drama, everyone's black except for that one. No, he's black. That. This is a black man. What are you talking about? That Asian guy? Yeah. What does he do? Teach English in Atlanta. Is that callback? I don't know what that was. Yeah, well, anyways, we wanted to do a quick rap if that's okay. Okay, why don't you guys start. Hold off on Anthony. The music. But I'm just going to start with a little bit of acapella. So here we go. Okay. Acapella. Timmy, no breaks. Who is obviously black now. Oh, he brought his own microphone. Is that. Is that hooked up? Shut the up. Holy. I sound like Morgan J and Tony. Really? Really? Whoa. What the. What the was that? Get the. You're fired. Get the out of here, guys. Tom. Sorry. That's crazy. You never could say the N word, Tom. But. But. Jesus Christ. That was intense. I thought that was hilarious. Well, now I don't have an entourage. I need a entourage. He wants to be a part of my entourage. This guy. That black guy right there. All right, I'm coming over there. Sorry, Tony, I gotta head over there. Give me a sec. Hey, John Dees, play the key. There's no black guy over there heavy with a spotlight. Tickle those keys, John. This guy is not fucking black. This guy's not black. I can't see. Everybody looks black. All right, look, do you still want to be in my entourage? Yes, I do. Okay, let's see if you can think on your feet. Do you think we should defund the police? No, we shouldn't. Let's get the camera to come in here. Focus on his face. And for the crowd, we're clap. I want. Want you to say yes. Policeman, can you stand right here? Now do you think we should defund the police? No, I'm good. Can you sing him as Miranda writes? I'd have to read it off a card. Cause I didn't go to college. Holy shit. You can be in my entourage. Shoot this guy in the fucking face. Where else do we go? Who wants to be in my entourage? Let me ask you. Let me ask you. Do you think I should have shot those people? No, you can't be in my entourage. You can't be in my entourage. Not in my entourage. By the way, if you don't want me to interact with you, lay down on the ground. Face down. Okay, this guy's a fair shot. Let me ask you a question. Do you know how to read? No, I don't, retard. Who knows how to read? This guy. This guy knows how to read. Can you read this? Timmy, Stand on the other side of him so it's framed properly. Oh, yeah. Come here. Push in. Get on his face. Thanks for the suggestion, Tone. Now, now. Shut the fuck up. Here we go. Read it. I have no gun. No, seriously, I have a gun. It's in my right pocket. I was able to sneak it in because I3D printed it. Allah is the one true God. I found the person in my entourage. This guy's in my entourage. We have an entourage. Fuck you, Tone. Now the only way that we could possibly wrap up a show is with a song. And the only person that can sing a song with Timmy no breaks is Redbitt. Just fucking kidding. It's Dr. Phil. Back to Phil. Hit it. I wanna be in your entourage. What do I have to do? I'll take you there to the airport. I'll even wipe your butt after you poo. Well, you're not a guy get college. But if it's between you and this old newspaper boy, I choose you. I choose you. You choose me? I choose you. This will stand your under charge, Timmy. No breaks, ladies and gentlemen. What can I say? He gets to do whatever he wants. He's earned it. By the way, that guy said he has a go hunt. Are we just going to skip over that? Okay, shave your head. You're back. You're pushing your breath. One more time for Timmy. No breaks, ladies and gentlemen. And how about his entourage, Dr. Phil? Everybody who is proudly endorsing the who is he? Adam Ray theater tour. Get tickets@adamray comedy.com. he's going to Australia, Australia, Canada and all around America. One more time for Dr. Phil and one more time for the great, great Vince Simmons, ladies and gentlemen. Going to Philly, Lexington, Houston, all around Fitz Dog radio. That's F I T zdog or fitzdog.com for tickets. And then one more time for the great Sal Volcano, everybody. He's going to Nashville, Tennessee doing the Ryman sell Volcano Comedy.com is podcast Minouche and new episodes of the Unbridled Jokers Every Thursday on tbs. We're going to the Intuit Dome in Los Angeles, California, a large state of the art arena to make our return back to where Kill Tony started in la. How exciting is that? How about one more time for the best damn band in the land. Red band. Check out Cat Bread 7 on iTunes and Spotify. We love you guys. Fun times tonight. You guys have a good time. Thank you. We love you. Good night everybody. She's wide awake in her whiskey.