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It's the paradise podcast. I am your host, Ryan Michele Bathe with my husband Sterling. What's up? Join us here on Hulu and Hulu on Disney where we'll discuss each episode with the cast and crew of Paradise. I'll be getting all the secrets from Dan Fogelman, James Marsden, Shailene Woodley, Julianne Nicholson and Sterling Kelby Brown. Paradise, the official podcast is now streaming and stream paradise on Hulu and Hulu on Disney. I'm Craig Melvin. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. I've always been a glass half full kind of guy, and now I'm talking to some people who look at the world that way too. Some really fascinating folks who share their defining moments, their triumphs, their challenges. Their stories are funny and quite candid. So I hope you'll join me each week. And who knows, you might just come away with your own glass half full. Search Glass Half Full with Craig Melton From Today on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Redband and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out tonyhenchcliff.com for everything. The Golden Pony, Tony, Henchcliffe. You can also check out shopsquad TV for Death Squad merch hats, mugs, whatever. Shop Squad tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Fredman coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get it. For Tony, it's class. Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Yippee big. So much for Brian Redman, ladies and gentlemen. And that's the best damn band in all of the land, everybody. The Kill Tony band. Make some noise for them, huh? You're at the number one live podcast in the world, brought to you by prize podcast pics, Quo, Shopify and Ziprecruiter. How we feeling tonight, people, huh? We're going to watch some comedians try to do comedy tonight. It's going to be a real hoot. Nanny. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what? Every single week, I book two of the funniest people I know in the world. This week, no different. This is a special one down to the nitty gritty. Just two pure, real standup comedians. Two of my favorites, two of the best in the world. Make some noise for Joe List and Steve Ranazizi. Here we go, Joe List. Steve motherfuckin ran as easy. Yeehoo. We are gonna have some fun tonight, everybody. I'm excited about this one. Joe List has a new special out on YouTube called Small Ball. Welcome back, Joe. Thank you. Thanks for having me. I appreciate it. And one of my favorites since I started a true Comedy store fucking comic. I used to dog sit for him. I used to house sit for him. I thought life was never gonna get any that. And we thought you our dog too. The great Steve Ran easi is back. How are you? You guys have done this show before. You know how it works. About 300 insane people have signed up for the chance to get pulled out of this bucket. Some of them, some of the most promising talent of the future, of the art form of standup comedy. Some of them are completely crazy. In fact, recently we had a guy who's just a stalker of a of a female comedian who did a minute just so that he could maybe get to meet her and get closer to her. Anything happen. Anything can happen. Somehow it remains the number one live podcast in the world. If I pull their name out of the bucket, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then. Or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which just interrupts their set. And then I conduct an interview. Absolutely anything can happen. And the whole thing's improvised. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what? While we go wrangle that first bucket pool of the night, getting us started with the break. Brand new minute. This young lady was discovered here on the show. She spent some of her last money to get on an airplane from Tampa, Florida to come to Austin, Texas, live in an arena on Netflix. She got pulled out of a bucket. Won a golden ticket in front of the world. Ladies and gentlemen, here with a brand new minute. Make some noise for the return of young everybody. People have been asking what my type is. I'm really into Arabic. Guys find them very attractive. I like their thick hair, sharp facial features. Every time I see one on the street, I go up to them, I say, sir, can you please cover your hair and your skin? You make me feel very lustful. I can't help but want to touch you right now. When they don't comply, I throw rocks at them. See, when I'm rich, I'm gonna throw big parties and I'm Gonna invite a whole bunch of very attractive Arabic male models. So I'll pay to shit in their mouth. And I'll be really good at it. You know, I just tell them, hey, habibi, habibi, lay down, open your mouth. This is my gift for you. It's very halal. Let me show you the Asian squad. The great young ladies and gentlemen. Welcome back. Young Covering the Arabs today. Oh, yeah. Hell yeah. Gotta hate on one on each episode. I know you get away with racism better than anybody I've ever imagined before. If I had your delivery in face, I would be so much more racist than I am. It is tough living out here with this bone structure, but you just slice it in. You're like the nurse that gives you the shot. You don't even know it's over. But you do that with racism. You inject people with pure racism. Bad nurse. It's adorable. Thank you. You're welcome. Young. How's it going? It's been good, you know. I just did a show with one of my kyotani family, Martin Phillips. Oh, nice. Yeah. And when I was reading his message, I read from his voice, he's like, thank you. Young. Good impression. It's a good impression. Yeah. I said he. He looks like he sounds like RFK if he didn't do coke. That's true. That is true. Young, how's life going for you now that you're a little superstar? I'm still kind of broke, you know, I need people to come to my shows. Go to my website. I have a show in Austin and San Antonio and New York City, if you're in New York City. Ooh, New York City. Yeah. Very nice. Great time to go to New York. Nothing better than snow piles and dog shit everywhere. Very exciting, guys. This is your first time seeing Young? Yeah, my first time seeing. I like, great, great energy. Oh, thank you. Seems like you want to start a female Epstein island, and I'm down with that. For Arab men, I'm cool with that. That seems cool. Yeah. I didn't care for your energy, but you're. You seem like a nice person. For sure. I would have liked a little more zip. Not zip, but. Whoa, whoa. I meant like, what do you call it? Like. Oh, yeah, yeah, Like. I love your stand up, by the way. I like. I like your. I love you. I was just feeding off of his energy. Fuck. I like you too. Very much. Do you know, like, in Chinese we have a phrase for people who look like you? Oh, boy. Oh, Jesus. You don't want to hear this I think it's going to be nice. What is it? Young oh. What does that mean? Means nerdy pervert. I told you, Joe. I knew that wasn't gonna go well. That's only half true. I am not a nerd. I just have bad eyesight. I'm very. I don't know how to play chess. I. Well. Whoa. This is amazing. Breaking news. You're tough lady. You're like the black widow. Yeah. Are you black? I was like, who is this in the green? Nice. Yeah, that's cool. So that's fair. I said the same thing. I told you. Why can't I get on an episode with bigger comedians? Oh, right. My God. Trust me, we thought the same thing backstage, too. We were felt the same way. Yeah. You're not happy. Thank you. I appreciate that. Young, you are fearless, adorable, always crushing. Thanks for getting tonight's show started for us, the great young everybody. And we are off and running. I've been informed that our first bucket of pool of the night is behind the curtain. They have indeed been wrangled. We're going to meet this person all together. Anything can happen. Make some noise for your first bucket pool. Rock Turner, everybody. Here we go. Rock Turner. There you go. Who knows how big their dad's dick is, Right? We should know that kind of information for the ones of us that do. This shit's fucking crazy. My dad hated wearing clothes. And like, my dad. I know how big his dad. My dad's dick is. It's seared in my brain. It's right there, right now. Hey, I see you. Unfortunately, he was a nudist because he had a big dick. My dad's dick was so big. It had abs. It had a Netflix account, paid its own bills. It was the only one of us that he was proud of. It's better than mom, though. You imagine your mom, like, leaning over to wake you up for school in the morning. Her left tit grazes your forehead. Honey, time to get up. Mom. Get your tits out of my face. I'm not six months anymore, Tony. Sure. All right. I guess. I mean, yeah, that's one way to end this set. I wouldn't have known when you were done. Wasn't for that Tony there at the end. Wow, that was a lot trauma. That's what that set was. I think you saw a lot more of your dad's dick than you're letting us on to believe. It's pretty big, but I don't know what it looks like hard, so I don't. Right? How could you See it when it was in your ass as a little boy. Very hard to tell. Gentle, sweet, young boy ass that you had when you took. That's what we have actual audio from your childhood. That's you. That's a young Rock Turner. That's when you were just. Pebble Turner. Sweet, sweet boy Glenn to my dad's eye. How old are you, Rock? 42. 42. How long you been doing standup? About two years. Two years. What made you want to start at the age of 40? I just love making people laugh. The art form. I just wanted to do it and like I do photo and video and it's like weddings and stuff like that. And there's a lot of dead time, so I just wanted to do something else that I also love doing and I love comedy, so I figured it was a great thing to get into. All right. Austin, of course, you know you love the city of Austin. Have you always lived here? Since 01, so most of my adult life. Okay. And you all right. God's here again. Yeah. Is your dad still alive? He is still alive. Yeah. And you still haven't seen it hard. We have him on the line right now. We're going to ask him. We're going to have a measure it out Rock. Is that what you do for a living? You take photo and video at weddings and whatnot? Yeah, it's mostly weddings, events, corporate stuff. Craziest thing you've ever had to do a video and photography for. That's not a wedding. I did a dude war shoot once. A what? Dude war. It's like boudoir but with dudes. Oh. Oh. What does that mean? That's actually how I saw my dad's dick. Dude wore. What do you. I'm still not getting dude in there. Dudes in their underwear. He took pictures of guys with their cocks in their underwear? Yeah. That's terrible. Sexy underwear and stuff. Yeah. It was supposed to be for their wives, but our resident homophobe, D Madness is plugging his ears, groaning, making a lot of noises right now. Motherfucker talking about his dick, his dad's dick, everybody's dick. All this shit's gay, this show. Gay as fuck, don't it? The gayest goddamn show I ever not seen, seen in my life. All right, Rock, what do you do when you're not doing standup and video photography and all that? I like to play guitar, sing, smoke weed, play games. Typical dude stuff. Dude stuff. Wow. Do you have a girlfriend? I've got a wife. I got kids. What? That's a left turn I didn't see coming. I thought you lived alone. Yeah, sure. The question is, have your kids seen your dick? Yeah. Is this a family tradition? I don't think it's true. Have they been stuck between a rock and a hard place? Maybe. Right now, how many kids do you have? I've got four kids. Jesus Christ, Rock. My God, look at you. King Cream Pie over here. Yeah. What's the age range of these? Four. Four kids. So the older two are step kids are like 26 and 20, and then the younger ones are 12 and 11. Wow. So the ones that came out of your nuts are 12 and 11? Yeah. All right. Boys, girls, one of each. Okay. What about the older ones that were in the twenties? What about them? What exactly are you asking? Male or female? I'll tell everyone. Except for Redband. There you go. All right. Rock Turner. Interesting stuff, guys. What do we think about rock? I like when you talked about your mom's tits. That was great. The visual, I mean, they seemed nice. Yeah, pendulous. I mean, you probably have to have some nice tits to get a nice dick. Oh, dude, you lived a horrible life. You lived like an HBO real sex life. Like those people that fuck on camera. Am I mistaken? Isn't Brock Turner a famous rapist? Yeah. What? Oh, and it sucked too, because when I first got into comedy, like, literally, I'd search my name and, you know, Google's like, oh, did you mean it? Didn't even give a. Did you mean it was just like this is what you meant? Brock Turner, the brutal rapist. Anybody is trying to find my comedy, they're like, oh, this rapist, dude. It was like Turner versus Whatever case. Wow. What are the odds that Brock Turner, Rock Turner, both are rapists? This is incredible. I know. I think the case was exactly 11 years ago. How old did you say your kid was? The fucked up part is he changed his name to Alan, so now I'm closer to Brock Turner than he is. Oh, my goodness. Kid's smart. I feel like if you had one minute. This bit is better than the bit you did. It is true. It's good stuff. Not that the bit wasn't amazing, obviously. It was a killer bit you did, but do you have any jokes about how Rock Turner sounds like Brock Turner, a famous rapist? Well, so not only that, but this is actually not my given name. My parents named me Rock Turner and then they unnamed me named me Brad instead of. So my real name is Brad. Why don't you just change your name to Jeffrey Bomber? Or something like that. Well, they named me after Rock Hudson. And then they found out he was gay or bisexual. Whoa. Found out. Oh, what a tough day in the Turner family. And then I became Brad. Oh, he's a what? Not in my house. See? My dick. But how can you get over here? Yeah, we're changing his name to Elton. Yeah, well, Rock, you did your very best. I'm sure of that. There's a little joke book for you, buddy. There he goes. Rock Turner. That's a fun little bucket pool. There we go. Oh, my goodness. Right on cue, our very own Vanna White. Ladies and gentlemen, the great Heidi is here. Everybody makes noise for Heidi, everyone. She has a podcast. Go to heidy regina.com to check it out. Hi, everybody. You know, getting a massive erection is music to my ears. That's why this podcast is sponsored by BlueChew. Guys, let's be real for a second. When it comes to performance, good enough isn't exactly enough. And that's why, exactly why bluechew has raised the bar. Bluechew Gold, the revolutionary four in one upgrade that targets both your brain and body. It'll have music flowing through your blood. Here's the deal. Most blue pills only focus on blood flow. Bluechew Gold goes further. It combines two proven ingredients for circulation, plus apomorphine and oxytocin to enhance arousal, desire, and connection from the inside out. It's not just about function anymore. It's about total performance, physical and mental. 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And we thank Bluechew for sponsoring the podcast. Hey, are things bringing you down? Life can be hard. That's why this podcast is sponsored by Talk Space, the number one rated online therapy bringing you professional support from licensed therapists and psychiatrists that you can access anytime, anywhere. You can easily sign up online and get paired with a licensed provider, typically within 48 hours. Take your appointments from the comfort and privacy of your own home, and you can even talk it out between sessions by sending text messages to your therapist. Unlike other telehealth companies, psychiatry is available through Talkspace, so you can get the medication you need to supplement your talk therapy if needed. Talkspace makes getting the help you need easy, accessible and affordable. Plus, most insured members have a $0 copay. And now I'm going to let my man, one of my best friends in the world, truly someone that I trust with everything. Redband to tell you more about why he loves Talkspace. Tony I think Talkspace is providing some of the best mental health treatment out there. It's so easy to get set up with a licensed therapist. Therapy has led me to some real moments of transformation. Oh, I forgot what we were doing. As a listener of this podcast, you'll get $80 off your first month with Talkspace when you go to talkspace.comtony and enter promo code SPACE80. That's S, P A C E 80 to match with a licensed therapist today. You don't have to be sad. You could be just okay, Everyone needs someone to talk to. Go to talkspace.comtony and enter promo code SPACE80 now. All right, your next bucket pool, ladies and gentlemen. Looks like a new name. Makes some noise for Mark Fitman, everybody. Mark Fitman. How you doing, everyone? Nice to be here. It's coming up on Oscar season and, you know, I used to be into it a lot more. Last year I saw the best picture, Nora, and the first 20 minutes of that movie is all sex. And, you know, after that, I kind of lost the plot and just zipped up and left the theater. I don't think I'll be welcomed back this year. I'm not really sure. I don't know if it's racist or not, but I programmed my GPS to avoid all Martin Luther King Boulev. Just figure I'll bypass that. I do think racism is getting a little bit better as I get older. It seems a lot better. I mean, I'm getting really good at it. Come from my house. You know, my grandfather had a cat that was named the N word. Well, let's just end it There. I love it. Mark Fitman. Welcome. Welcome, sir. How are you? Good. Good to see you. How long you been doing stand up? This is like the sixth mic I've done, basically. Wow, look at you. Natural. I did some improvisational acting back in the 90s. Nice. Can we ask you how old you are? I am 59. 59? You look the same age as Rock Turner. He's 42. Incredible. So what made you want to start. Start standup nowadays? You know, my kids are in college now and I've got a little more time. I travel for a living, so I've been hitting mics as I travel. That's awesome. What do you do for a living? I work in a consulting business. We basically give, like, CEOs really smart things to say. Yeah, okay. Very cool. You've been doing that your whole life? No, not all the time. I worked in the car business for a while. What were you doing in the car business? I was a body and Fender man painter. Hell, yeah. Okay. I love it. And your kids are in college. You still married? Yeah, yeah. Nice. How long you been married for? I've been married for 22 years. We actually married, divorced for two years, then got rebu. Oh, let's talk about it. I love that. I knew the second he came out. Here I go, this is gonna be great. Because, you know, we got a lot of these kids up here and whatnot. Nobody's got a life story. I. I try to get the best out of the interviews with people. Sometimes when someone comes out here, I can just tell it's going to be a good interview. And here we go. You may have just answered a lot of people's questions on how to save a marriage. It's getting a divorce. Yeah. It works because you end up, you know, figuring some things out about each other and realizing no one else wants you. How deep? How deep into your marriage? That's fantastic. How deep into your marriage. Marriage did you get the divorce? We were about 11 years in. I love it. 11 years in. So did you get the divorce and you guys just started banging whatever you wanted, basically. Is that the deal or. No, I think the trouble was we couldn't bang anything we wanted. What do you mean? We couldn't find anybody else. Oh, I love that. That's amazing. So what was that. What was it like when you guys, like, rekindled or you already had kids or. Yeah, yeah, we had our kids. And, you know, I would go over there to put them down, see them all for the night and try and visit with them. Spend time with them. Then I invited them over for Thanksgiving, and then we just started back up. I love it. That's amazing. Wow. Steve, what do you think about this, dude? What was it? So you had a halftime in your marriage, right? That was like, you. You went back, you studied game film. You're like, I can't fuck anything else. I wonder if she's having sex. And what was the convo like when you guys circled? It seemed like you just circled the parking lot and you just were like, hey, these are the best spots we can get. Let's just go back together. What was that conversation like? Like when you were like, are you happy? Or you. How did you feel? We were both like, well, we both lost some weight, so. Awesome. That's great. Oh, my God. I. I don't have. I'm just enamored. I want you to be my dad. You're like. You're such a cool customer. You've done six mics. Well, I feel like you have no nerves whatsoever. Yeah, I've got a few. Oh, okay. Well, you're very. Are you on drugs? No. Oh, lisinopril, I'm sure. Blood pressure medicine or something, right? Yeah. Come on. Blood pressure medicine. Yeah. Good job. Dr. Ran Azizi. Yeah. Hey, man, I see rosacea. I know my own. I, like, got it. I'm on. I'm on blood thinners. I almost died on Super Bowl Sunday. This past Super Bowl Sunday. Yeah. Yeah, I know. That halftime show pissed me. I know. Funny, I take the blame for that, by the way. I don't think I've acknowledged that on this show. What? That is my fault. That's the pendulum swinging the other way, Tony. No doubt about it. That's making up for your mistake. What's that? Everybody's making up for your mistake. Yes, exactly. That guy dancing on telephone poles and whatnot. Amazing. Tell us about your near death experience. Well, I have a. It's called a bilateral hemo or blood clots in my lungs. I have a bi heart as well. Okay. Yeah. Bilateral pulmonary embolism. Nice. So what did that feel like? Felt like a heart attack. I couldn't breathe. You know, my heart rate went up to, like, 147 and. Yeah, it was pretty rough. 47's bad, right? It's pretty bad. Well, for you, that's your resting heart rate. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Red band. So you was this during the actual Super Bowl? It was before. Okay. Yeah. So you went to the hospital? Yeah, yeah, I went to the urgent care and they said, yeah, I think this ekg Looks like shit. You better go to the emergency room. I love it. I love it. Mark, what else about your life? Tell us more about you. Any hobbies or any fun facts about you? You know, I just do a lot of family stuff. I like old cars and working on those. I don't have any at the moment, but, you know, I think there was some girl selling a Mustang around here somewhere. I think I remember that. I love it. So six open mics. What was the improvisational experience that you have? So I went through classes at Second City and Improv Olympic and then did a bunch of stuff around there. Is that in la? In Chicago, right? Yeah. Wow. Is that where you live? No, I live in Kansas City now, but I used to live in Chicago. You ever see the bean? Yeah. You know about the beans? I know about the bean. I still don't believe it's real. What made you move to Kansas City? I moved there for work. Okay. Very cool. And hell yeah. So what do you do when you're on the road to talk about your. You have a lot of travel experience? Any travel tips for people? I developed a special power. Yeah. I can, with my eyes closed, tell you what hotel I'm in just by the lotion. Ooh. Can you describe this to us? I think the Marriott adds some kind of synthetic in there. Yeah. Yeah, sure. Would you be willing to jerk off in front of all of us right now? We're all going to see our dad's dick tonight. I love it. Mark. Kids turned out good. Yeah? Yeah. I got one in ku, one in K state. Females. Yes. Oh, my God, it's a hard female there. Red band. Female Asian, red band. Mark, you're the man. Come back again. Sign up sometime. You're our first big joke book of the night. Boom. Mark Fitman. How fun. Gonna keep it moving along here as we go to our next bucket poll, everybody. He goes by the name of Saul Wilson. We're gonna meet Saul together one more time for Saul Wilson, everybody. What's going on? You know, the modern world is different. You know, brownie points used to mean one thing, but now it means a higher chance of anal. And if you remember, there's a pilot shortage. I'm not sure if it's still going on, but begs the question, did anyone ask the band 21 pilots for help? I know there's sound. It's not that complex. I think it could have spared like 16 or 16, 17 pilots. I find it strange that we name storms after people. Is that all ex girlfriends of ex boyfriends. Just like a meter all. Just looking forward to a hurricane. It's like. Yeah. Fucking. You like my brother more Katrina. Let's see if there's a hurricane coming. But then I realized we even named. And then I realized we even named diseases after people. Like leukemia named after some black lady somewhere. All right. Saul Wilson. Welcome back, Saul. How are you? I remember you. How's life been going, Saul? Auto Sabled. What? Same old, I guess. Same old. Okay, tell us about that. What do you do for work, Saul? Just anything with my car these days. Okay. To make money. Your car? You drive? Yeah. You Uber? You Uber? Eats that type of stuff? Yeah. Like. Yeah, all the above. Nice. Anything crazy happen in the back seat of your car lately? No. No? How about the front seat? Just. How about in the driver's seat? Rock and roll. That's a lot of road rage. All right. You have road rage? Yeah, but, like, I bet some people, like, would have recognized me as the guy that, like, flipped him off in traffic. Oh, you're a big flipper offer, huh? Is that your move? I feel like that's why I'm here. It's delusional. All right, so I never see those people. I'm driving way faster than them when I'm passing them. Right. Okay. Red Band Boy can't tell which one's Saul and which one's Red Banner. Nothing coming from anywhere. Over. I love it. Brownie points, 21 pilots. I barely got anything that you talked about tonight, Saul. What's your writing process like? I don't know. And, like, nor McDonald's my biggest inspiration, so just kind of. Kind of his cadence. Wow. All right. Yeah. Can I do a bit on Norm? Can you what? What? Like, can I do a bit on Norm MacDonald? Can you do a bit of Norm MacDonald? Yeah, about him. About him. I don't know. You're happy to hear a real joke, right? Yes, exactly. Sure. Anything funny. Do anything. Well, you know, they say you're not supposed to say bad things about people that are. Have died, but, you know, Norm MacDonald's my biggest inspiration. And I'm probably not as funny as him, but, you know, at least I could drive myself. Saul. Shit, man. Holy shit, dude. Saul, how long have you been doing stand up? Not long enough. Yeah, name a number or something. Describe better than that. How long you've been doing stand up as far as writing? Like. Yeah, like a. Like two years. Okay. How many open mics do you think you go to a week? Yeah. Not. Not enough. Okay, Saul, you're gone. Get out of here. Goodbye, Saul. Thank you so much. There he goes. Like I was saying when Mark Finland was up here, sometimes you get someone a little younger. Doesn't quite get the interview process of the show. Doesn't have a wealth of life experience to draw from. Answers every question with not enough great energy, though. Unbelievable. He's got that zip you were looking for earlier. Monster Energy. Everybody knows White Monster, Zero Ultra. That's the OG it kicked off this whole zero sugar energy drink thing, but Ultra is a whole lineup now. You've got Strawberry Dreams, Blue Hawaiian Sunrise, and Vice Guava. And they all bring the Monster energy punch. So if you've been living in the white can branch out. Ultra's got a flavor for every every vibe, and every single one is Zero Sugar. Tap the banner to learn more. Hey, everyone loves living their dreams. That's why this podcast is sponsored by Shopify. You know, when we started this little dinky podcast, it seemed like we had no idea what we were doing. What? Open mic. Who's gonna want to watch that? Who's gonna want to buy tickets to that when you could watch it on YouTube? When you're starting off with something new, it seems like your to do list keeps growing every day. You have no idea what to do. That's why finding the right tool not only helps you out, but simplifies everything. And it can be such a game changer for millions of businesses. That tool is Shopify Redban Tony. Shopify is the best business tool out there. They're the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names like Mattel and Gymshark to brands just getting started. That's right. I got distracted there. You can get started with your own design studio. With hundreds of ready to use templates, Shopify helps you build a business. Beautiful online store that matches your brand styles. Accelerate your efficiency. Whether you're uploading new products or trying to improve the ones that already it hits the ones that already exist. Shopify is packed with helpful AI tools that write product descriptions, page headlines, and even enhance your product photography. Start your business today with the industry's best business partner, Shopify, and start hearing. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com Kill Tony. Go to shopify.com Kill Tony. That's shopify.com Kill Tony. Back to the bucket we go. You guys having fun out there? All right, your next bucket pole goes by the name of Ty Marion, everybody. Here comes Ty Marion. Oh, here we go. Ty Marion. Since My accident. My dating life has sucked. Last summer, before it happened, man, I was fucking killing it. Like, I was dating one girl who told me she wanted me to talk more during sex. So I did. And then she got mad and broke up with me. And I was like, Like, I kind of think this is your fault, because when you told me you wanted me to talk more during sex, you should have specified that it was to you and not on the phone. But you called my dad. I'm like, yeah. Cause we're, like, cool, you know? And I feel like you should have known that, especially since your dad and I graduated together. Another girl I dated, she played super hard to get. And when we finally hooked up, it was at a church. She just laid there and kept staring at me real weird, so I had to put coins over her eyes. Luckily, though, she was Asian, so I only had to use pennies. But if you can't tell, I'm a Jew. So when I finish, I had to take him back. Thank you. Wow. All right, Ty, Marion, welcome. You've been on this show multiple times before. Joe List. What do you think about Ty? I think he looks like Rock Turner in disguise. Yeah, true. We may have a false bucket pull here. I thought it was good. That was funny. Ty, you've been on this show before. This is your first time with a walker? Yeah. So literally last time I was on the show, I talked about how I got hit by a car while I was on a lime scooter. And I was like, I was fine. And I told y' all I was gonna limp it off. Two days later, I was on a scooter again. This time, no car, just the street. Fucking head first straight into the ground. Really? Yeah. Broke my arm in a couple spots. Tore my patella tendon completely off. It's been six months and I got six more months to go. And you landed head first? No, somehow, I guess, which, you know, I got a big head. Somehow the way I. I hit something and it locked the wheel and turned it so I didn't get, like, thrown off. I was basically catapulted straight into the ground like this sideways. This arm was completely backwards and the knee was, like, all fucked up. Can we see the video? No, unfortunately, didn't have any of the actual incident. I got a shit ton from that shitty ass hospital, though. You got a what? Shit ton of videos from the shitty hospital that I went. Why do you have video from the hospital? It was so bad. I, I. It's the worst experience you can think of. I get put in not even a room. I get in a hall, big ass sign that says, keep this area clear at all times. And I'm like, I gotta. This isn't supposed to be me. I think, you know, like, there's something wrong. Like, I mean, I didn't realize. Talk about this at all in your standup comedy. Yeah, I've been back on the road lately since the incident. Took about three or four months. That was not supposed to be a pun. Fuck you. Don't laugh. But I've been back on the road telling us about the hospital visits. So were there doctors visiting you in the hallway that they put you in? Okay, so pull the curtain back a little bit. My best friend is one of your producers and was there within 5, 10 minutes of this happening. Okay? He had to help the. I mean, it starts from the ems lazy people. He had to help pick me up off the fucking ground because these two EMS people there had no idea how to pick up a 6 to 200 pound guy off the ground with one fucking leg and one arm. And so they finally get me on the thing, the thing after they figured out how to raise it up. And then I get into the ambulance and then they called me and they're at the hospital wondering where I'm at. And I'm still in the fucking back of the ambulance, sitting at the where I got fucked up. And I'm like, where are y' all at? They're like, we're here. Are you here yet? And I'm like, no, I'm in the same spot in the ems. I'm like, you're at the hospital? Like, yeah, traffic's real bad. And I'm like, how long has it been? They're like 45 minutes. Like, holy fuck. Because, I mean, they started juicing me right away, right? I mean, it was obvious, like I was fucked up at the moment, right? And then I get to the hospital, besides putting me in the hall, I never got to leave because I had emergency surgery because I almost lost my leg. But I mean, I make a lot of like sarcastic jokes about it, but they're very close to about what was real. Like, I almost didn't get an IV bag. It was like a Capri sun, basically. You know, like, my insurance is so fucking bad. No gown, Joe's Crab Shack bib nuts all out. You know, this is amazing for some reason. That fucking hospital. Coldest hospital I've ever been in. You know what I mean? I'm trying to got shrinkage. Yeah, yeah, it sucks in a hospital gown that Sucks. And I don't know about you guys, but I got a scrubs fetish. So when I see these Latinas walking around caked up, I'm like, oh, oh, yeah. You know, the problem is I got one arm, you know? So I'm kind of like, no sympathy. All my boys, census. You're gonna get so much sympathy. Six months, two questions. When. When the. Does that start? What do I gotta do? Is there a form? Am I doing something wrong? Because I'm ready. Ready. I fell on my knee, not my weenie. You know what I mean? Like, what's up? Yeah, what hospital was it here in Austin? Seaton. I don't know, this one up here in 38th or something. 39th. Oh, you work there? Is that my nurse was there. It's Seton Animal Hospital. Yeah. We are getting word that you were taken to an animal hospital. Your insurance is so bad they took you to the vet. I believe they thought you were some kind of orangutan or something like that. Makes sense then. Yeah. But no, a. A crazy thing that. Another that that happened is. And this is true, I do talk about it too, is I honestly felt like I was going to be molested at the hospital because I had the. The nurse that was going to take me to the operating room was a little like 5 foot, 300 pounds, Hispanic dude. His name was Juan on his thing, but he crossed it off and he wrote papi chulo. So first I was like, oh, this might be like a pimp kind of thing. No, that's for sure. His Grinder profile name. This. Kept trying to give me sponge bass. And I'm like, dude, I'm not that dirty. Right? And then they're like, oh, he's. He's gonna give you the anesthesia. I'm like, oh, for sure. I don't want this guy giving me anesthesia. I'm. Yeah. Trying to fight it and stay awake. I'm like, I think I could walk it off, boys. I think I'm going to be fine. No. And then. And then, like, I swear it's probably the anesthesia. I felt like he leaned over right before I passed out, and he was like, the safe word is deductible. I was like, what? No, no. Wow, it's fucking horrible. You get declawed. What? You get declawed, Red man, how are you not on the list? I used a fake name. No, I figured they would have at least tricked you one time with the pizza and grape soda line and you'd have been the only person. Yeah, you'd be the only one to come back from Epstein's island and complain about false advertising. Ty is on fire. They didn't have any pizza rolls, Hot pockets, bagel bites, nothing. Ty. Marion, how long were you in that hospital for? About 24 hours. 24 hours? Hours. What's that in dog years? Yeah, I noticed the first time you heard you were on the show, you got robbed and there was. So you murdered somebody or something like that. The second time, you were in an accident. The third time you were in an accident. Like, does it seem like your life. Like you're. You're not doing great at it? Like. Like, I mean, like, are you literally just saying the N word? We're walking down the street and on people or something? Like, why is so much negative energy coming to you? I think because you asked the question. You got to get it out. There you go. He got it out. Took him a little while longer. Take a while. Yeah. Your memory's wrong. The first time I was on, I was really fat and I ended up singing songs. Second time I was on, I was a little too stoned off. Inedible. Third time, I talked about killing the guy. This is the fourth time. I don't like talking about that. That was the last time on. I don't like that set. But you would have gotten into a scooter accident. Then two days later after that, this happened, right? Yeah. And everybody's like, oh, did you like your. Didn't like your set that much? You just tried to. I'm like, no, it was fine. And, you know, I feel like I'm maybe taking that extra step, trying to get closer to, you know, golden tickets or whatever, you know, but we'll see what people do. That's how it goes. Not handicapped enough for a golden ticket, my friend. Well, actually, now that you bring that up, the last time I was on, I mentioned that I was autistic, but according to Dr. Hinchcliffe, I guess I'm not retarded enough. It's okay. No, you're doing good. Yeah, I mean, I literally. I do have a. Like, a literal diagnosis of. It didn't happen until my 30s. So when you go 30 plus years of going, what the fuck is wrong with everybody? And then you find out everybody's thinking the same thing about you. Things a little weird. I love it. Ty, do you have. Are you in love with somebody? Do you have a girlfriend? No. Yeah. You go on any dates? Yeah, I date a little bit here and there. But, I mean, obviously since the last six months, I Guess if you didn't hear, it's not going so well, right? Your leg's broken, right? What? Your leg, the one you really give the thrust with. It's the one that you do like. You get that rhythm going, you know, it's tough. A little knee slap every once in a while. Yep. I don't want to give away too much. Bonezai who makes all the great joke books here? Made one that's. That's covered in hair. And since you're always in a very hairy situation, I figure, who. Who better than you? Ty Marion. There you go, my friend. A fun interview. Ty Marion. Crushing it in the interview portion, talking about his real life. Take note that when people talk about their real life, it works. It's amazing, right? All right, your next bucket pool goes by the name of Angel. Everybody, one word name, Angel. Hi there, folks. My name's Angel. People on the street approach me and they call me autistic. I don't think it's very nice. 90% of the people I meet think I'm autistic. The other 10% just don't talk to me. I'm very scared to be here tonight, but I'm very proud to be Latino. How many of you here in the audience? It's fucking Texas. Let me hear it. Arriba. Yeah. Gracias. I grew up for the longest time not knowing dogs got bigger than puppies. I thought all dogs naturally died of parvo. I just didn't know. I grew up with the Latino stepdad, and he was great until, you know, occasionally we just dropped the N bomb at Walmart, like, out of nowhere, like, what's going on? My aunt. You can't be saying that in this Walmart specifically. Where'd you fucking learn that word? Dad? He goes at work. Well, you shouldn't be using it unless we're at Home Depot. When we got people behind our back, we got the wet backs helping us out in case of a race riot, right? Oh, God, I'm bad at dating guys. Thank God. Let's fucking get this over with. Angel. Jesus Christ, man. Have you ever done this before? I get really anxious when I'm on stage. Oh, this is a great job for you. Then I thought of it as a way to sort of get me out of my comfort zone, do the hardest thing possible first, and then come back and do something easier like welding or something. I think welding might be your calling. Thank you, Tony. Okay. How long have you been attempting stand up comedy, Angel? This is my third and a half year doing stand up Comedy. Third and a half year. Let's talk about your work ethic. Yes, sir. When you say three and a half years. What, what, what? How hard are you working? So it wasn't until the second and third year I didn't get to do more than like, three mics or I wasn't able to do more. Before that, I wasn't able to do more than three mics a week. Second year, 2023, 2024, 2025, I was able to, like, really kick into high gear here at Austin Creek in the Cave. Really opened up their arms to me at their midnight mics and I just kind of was able to go like five, 10 times a week. I did eight mics in one night on a Wednesday. Fucking bomb. Fucking baller. Eight times? Yeah. That's my record, Tony. It might not be much. Wow. What do you do for work, Angel? Sir? I used to be a traveling temp, but recently I settled down two weeks ago to be a. Like, a technician where I assemble, like, those emergency lights for police vehicles. How did you learn how to do that? Well, they just need Mexicans with good hands to build lights with LEDs. I'm like, as strong. 60% of the workforce where I work is like, Latinos. You 100% Mexican? No, sir. I'm Chicano, which means I'm half Mexican, half American. My dad's American. My mom is Mexican as fuck. How many siblings do you have? Get ready for this. I got nine, counting last year. Wow. Yep. You're Mexican. Where do you fall in the nine? I am the old second oldest of the nine. I have eight sisters, one older. Sorry, Keep going, keep going. I have eight sisters, and as of last year, I have one brother. Finally, it took only nine siblings until I got a brother and it's. Can I just say that growing up with eight sisters and all the houses was awful because I could never blame a com sock in anybody. I can now with the one year old or half year old. Wait, what does that mean? If I had a come. If there was a cum sock in the. In the hamper, they couldn't blame anyone but me because I'm the only male out of the. Of the nine siblings. But we. You just said half year old. What does that mean? Oh, my youngest brother, he was just born last year. He's not even a year old. Oh, wow. But I can blame it on him in a couple years, I guess. How old are you, angel? I'm 26. Here. Your mom is still making babies? No, my dad is. Oh, okay. My mom My mom stopped. My mom stopped four years ago. Nice. Her jersey is hanging in the rafters at a Chi Cheese and somewhere. But your dad found a new baby mama, huh? He's had the same one for like the last 10 years and she's just ragged and broken down. Wow. How many kids does she have? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. I think 6. 6, I think 6 kids says wow. I think 6. Wow. See, your dad's just banging out. He won't stop, Tony. My goodness. Okay, angel, what are your hobbies? Oh, I like the boulder. What? I like the boulder climb. Like to rock climb? Okay. Yes, yes, yes. I like to. I like to journal at coffee shops and peep at the fine ladies at the. At the cafe. Oh, I bet they love that. I bet they love you just sitting there staring at them. Well, typically I'm there at 2am so. They love it at the coffee shop. Yeah, there's a 24 hour coffee shop, Bennu shout out. Okay. Fucking love it there. Just be there two in the morning checking out the babes. Wow. The babes that come in for coffee at 2am it's mostly dudes. Okay. All right, guys, what do we think about Angel? Gentlemen, I don't know what to think, but I do think a woman can have a cum side like you, because the cum comes out and then you wipe it. I'm just saying, like, if you get. Yeah. One of my sisters, a. Yeah. She's got all the cum inside of her. That's where the sock came from. Yeah, I get that. Yeah. I don't. You could have blamed it on your sister. Yeah, I tried so hard Every year for the first 16 years before I got kicked out. Did any of your sister's friends want to fuck you? No, they were all younger than me. There's eight of them. Yeah. But I'm the oldest. The second oldest. The first. The oldest was like a, you know, one of those illegitimate babies from another, maybe mama. And so, like, I didn't get to get raised with her. I didn't meet her till Easter when I was like seven. You didn't meet her till Easter when I was seven? Yes. Wow. Wow. Yeah, my family's different. Yeah, a little different. Just one. Everyone. All my family members pretty much early on, I got them all. Yeah. I have a sister. I met her day one. Yep. First day came out, there she was. Yep. Known her ever since, all together. The first Easter, the first one we ever had. Angel, other than having all these siblings, what do you think is the most Latino thing about you the most Latino thing about me is my work ethic, actually. Oh, shit. Good answer, dude. Well, here's the thing. Like, I'm privileged. I'm a born citizen of the United States. But a lot of Latinos who don't come to this country with that privilege have to work their asses off to barely make minimum wage to break even. They're pretty much working for nothing. That's me. I'm a starving artist. Up until recently, I haven't had a full time job. I've been sort of bumming it for the last four years doing temp jobs at festivals, factories, bodegas, such and such. You don't strike me as starving or an artist. Yeah, Sorry. I'm kidding. Of course I don't. Angel, what do you think the whitest thing about you is? You claim to be half white. Let's hear the whitest thing about Angel. When I spell words like labor, I spell it L, A, B, O, U, R. The British way. Whoa. Okay, now, even though you're not black at all, I'm gonna go for it. What do you think the blackest thing about you is? I love fat white women. Wow, look at that brutal honesty attracts. When you say you. Yeah, go ahead. But have I ever. Have I ever smitten a white fat woman before? No, you've never. I think you mean smothered. I want to get smothered. You've never been with a big white woman? No. Can I. Can I be honest to the entire world right now? Yes, you can. I've actually never been with the woman before. What? Yeah. Never. You're a virgin? I'm a woman virgin, yes. Are you a man virgin? I am not a man virgin. Tell us about this. Was it an accident? It happened. It happened too many times for it to be an accident, guys. No, let's talk about it. Angel. I didn't know it was pansexual till I was in college, but at that point, you know, pansexual means you like all the genders, but the only genders that like me were the fellas. And so you make do what you got, right, fellas? You make do with what you got. No, you make do with what you got. Let's talk about this. Angel. Yes, sir. So you make goo with what you got. Got into it. We're into it now with Angel. So when did you realize you were pansexual? And what's. Explain to me the difference, cuz, is that deep dish. What is that? Yeah. What does that mean? I don't know. What that. Yeah, I'm pretty sure Red Pan's pansexual. He's pretty pansexual. I seen you in a Chicago pizza place crying, pansexual. So what's the difference between pansexual and bisexual? Well, bisexual is just your traditional woman or men. Nothing in between. Pansexual is despite the gender or the genitalia, you love them for the personality and who they are. So whether they're male, female, trans male, trans female, non binary, asexual, such and such. Have you been with trans people before? I have been with transgender people, yes. But everything that you've been with was born originally with a penis? Yes. Considered aab. Assigned male at birth. Wow. I can't believe someone that knows this many genders signed up for this show. This is amazing. Just goes to show that. That anyone can sign up. The door is wide open here. We give anybody an opportunity. I just learned what a pansexual was today, everybody. All right, so how many different dudes do you think you've been with? Give us a ballpark here. Do I have to answer that? I'm really ashamed of that answer. Okay, give us a ballpark. That's exactly what we won. Solid 40. 40. Wow. All right. Turns out he's gay, everybody. That's not a pansexual at all. Yay. Dude, that's not it. You're a gay man, and that's all right. I want women, though. I want to meet a woman. So what the. Are you gonna. You're just gonna butt a woman? I know. You're just gonna throw a ball backwards hat on her and hit it from behind. Mind. What the are you talking about? Angel? Tony. I really. I really do. I really want the love of a nice woman. To be honest with you guys, what makes you want a woman? You've been with over 40 men. What do you think it is that you're missing out on? Leave them alone. Other than red band. Thank you so much. Oh, you're gonna get. Dude. He said he's in the fat white dudes, basically. Hey. Oh, yeah. He's going to pepperoni your pizza, dude. Oh, my. Look at this guy. He's getting in his comfort zone. Look how happy he is. All right, so what do you think it is that a woman has that you want? Tender love. You should say pussy vagina. Hey, the third thing. Wait your turn. By the way, it's saying tender gender first is the gayest thing you've admitted on this show. That's cool. Suck dick. I don't Want to suck dick for the rest of my life. I want to suck vagina. I just want a partner. On Angel's top 10 gayest moments of this interview. Yes. Trying to find equal. Somehow I hooked up with 40 dudes is the second gayest thing you've said. Tender, but I got to stand. You haven't lived until you sucked vagina. Yeah. Yeah. I want to suck vagina so bad. You got that heavy in your mouth, and you're like, this is gonna work. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Wait, when you said you were ashamed, I thought of the number. I thought it was gonna be higher or lower? 400. I thought I was gonna 40s. Like, that's pretty. It's okay. I've only been having sex since I was 21. I thought you fucked Harvey Milk. Who's Harvey Milk? All right, that's 26. So you've been fucking for five years. 40 guys, that's eight guys a year, right? On average, yeah. But I mean, statistically, you know, they're. Statistically, that's almost one a month. Well, if they're bouts of, like, more than one a month, there is a solid, like, month where I don't even remember the number. Oh, my God. Wow. Was that blackout month for you? Is that what. I was selling cars at a dealership, and I was just so stressed out, I just had to do something to get the stress out. Was that your closing deal? You're like, buy this car and I'll suck your cop. Yeah, Kia, that's great. So are you on the gay dating apps? Yes. That's a yes. Let me ask you this. Transgender women, though, okay? That's your favorite kind? Not favorite kind. I just. Oh, gee, Go pee again. Go back. Go pee again. D. Oh, God. Just back there. D. You go hold. D. Magnus is going to quit the show if he comes back here right now. Going to have a whole new bass player next week. Oh, my God. He's had enough. Dude, enough of your nonsense. Are you on 40 dudes? And he was like, I got to take a piss. I got the right. So, angel, you've been with over 40 dudes, you've been with zero women, but you want to be with a woman? If you were to go on a date with a woman, tell us, what's the first thing you would. Where would you take her? Where would you go? Well, first thing is I want to, you know, disarm the situation. I want to take her somewhere public where she knows I'm not a threat. It's, like, perfect. Like, a Coffee shop. Oh, my coffee shop. The king of the coffee shop. And then, and then. Come on, come on, Indy. We're talking about him trying to hook up with women. You're gonna love this. You're gonna love this. D put your. Put your. Put your earphones in. D. Put them in. We're gonna play some. We're gonna play some straight music for you while we interview Angel. Okay? So you're gonna take her to a coffee shop. Coffee shop. Uh huh. And then ideally we go bouldering, which is rock climbing. Tony. Huh. And then we. We ended the evening before sunset. We put up the hammock on either Ladybird Lake or Barton Springs, and we hang out on the hammock together till the sun sets. You do that sometimes. You hang a hammock. Wow, you're so. Oh, I slept in a hammock for like a solid summer. Wow. That's the. Not the. Not the most bent your back's ever been. No, I loved it. I know you do. Until it open. Until they like, ripped open in the middle and I just like, hit the ground in my ass. Oh, yeah, there it is. And all the cum squirts out everywhere. Landing on a dick. That's funny. Wow. Okay, angel, this interview is going on way too long, but there I have one more. One more unbelievable area to cover here. So let's say you get this lady back to your place, right? You've never been with a woman before. What's your first move that you make on her if she's like. I mean, let's just say she went. She was like, angel, I want you to do whatever you want to do with me. I'm just gonna let you take over. What do you do the first 15 minutes? Sucker cock. Yeah, you just go there. You're just air sucking. Yeah, look, look for that cock that's not there. Just air sucking a cock. All right. No, go ahead, Angel. This is something I believe. In the first 15 minutes, she's just dedicated to the tongue. And that's it. Just. I'm gonna put my tongue all over the person's body from top to bottom. Whoa. All right. So much for all that Maker Baker not think you're creepy thing kisses on the neck down to this, you know, the chest. Okay. This is down further to them. They have. Dude, you gotta get down in there. Yeah, it's just 15 minutes. Fifteen minutes, angel. I'm serious. Nobody wants to tongue kiss you for 15 minutes, dude. No, I'm tongue kicked kissing them again. It doesn't matter who's kissing Who? Wait a second. Are you a nurse at the hospital on 38th Street? Are you Papi Chulo? We found Papi Chulo. Everybody found him. Hold on. Don't you grab that mic. Stand till I tell you to. You son of a. The only person that wants me to kick you off the stage right now is D Madness. So here we go. We're getting, getting to the gold now. So you get down to the vagina, hold the mic down to your hip and face that front. Face the audience. Face them. Stop looking at me like that. Now show us. Now show us how you would eat a vagina. His first time doing this, ladies and gentlemen. Just pretend like it's there in front of you. Pretend like you're. Pretend like she's in that. No, you don't need to use the mic. That's a dick, dude. That's a dick. Take off what you're used to. Take a holster that Holster that thing. He's still trying to put a dick shaped in his mouth. Let's say you. She's in the hammock, hanging in your bedroom. At that exact height, her is right in front of your face. Show us exactly what you would do. Wait, what? Oh, my. He's gonna give it raspberry. Whoa. He's so Latino. He's giving it raspberries. Oh, man, I didn't mean to spit on you, dude. I'm sorry. He accidentally spit on the very tough looking guy in the front row. You got AIDS now. Oh, you got AIDS. Very good. Just mouth AIDS, dude. Just mouth AIDS. That's okay. It's just the spit of 40 dudes. Come, dude, it's not that big of a deal. Don't be a homophobe. There's no pussy juice in that, I'll tell you that right now. We clear that. What was the action that you. Why would you blow on it like that? I was just being kind of like factious with you because I didn't want to like be genuine and you make fun of me for that or they make fun of me for doing something stupid. But if I really was going to go down on a woman, I would really just use a lot of my lip and my tongue. Is it Keno hit the spotlight again? Whoa, whoa, wait. No, no, no. Face the crowd again. You're. There you go. Wait, what are you doing? I'm getting ready. Oh, okay, okay. He's getting ready. I'm getting ready to eat some. The lips, the teeth, the tip of the tongue. The tongue, the tip of the tongue, the teeth, the Lips, 2, 1. Eating time. Whoa, wait. After 15 minutes of sensual kissing, you're just going to love it, dude. Do you know why I can do that? I got the strength in my tongue. Cuz I was a musician for 10 years. I was a tuba player. You were a what? A tuba player. How many tubas? You suck. Oh my God. The horn players are thinking about retiring now. They're like, God damn it. Why did it have to be a. With this loser? Okay, so you ate her. Then what are you going to do? Are you going to. Then what? Make love to her? Yeah. Go to the bathroom and throw up? It's about the genuine connection, guys. You have to talk to the person you're with. So I'd ask her, if she wasn't already like, you know, hot and bothered, I would say, what do you want me to do? But if not, I'm just gonna go full insertion. Oh my God. Dude. Wow. Wow. She'll be bothered. Yeah, yeah. You should get T shirts that says full insertion. You'd sell a million of them. Let me ask you this. Does your father, who's made what appears to be about 15 children, does he have any idea that you've been with 40 men or hook up with dudes at all? Not at all. Wow. Come on out, dad. Padre, you have a fat Keebler elf in the back. Wow. Wow. Angel. Incredible. Have you ever kissed a woman? No. Oh, wow. Well, you know what? Only here on Kiltoni do we have a fan base of some of the greatest females that have ever existed. We have a historical 13, almost 14 year reputation of a segment called Kiss Me where a young lady from the audience or an old lady, or if no one else wants to, a gay dude in the crowd can come up and give this man his first kiss from a female. Is there a lady out there? We have the best fans in the world. Is there a woman out there willing to give this very gay man his first kiss from a woman? Is there any black men? No. Not a single woman wants to kiss a gay guy. Who's. This is my dilemma. This is my dilemma. Is there somebody over there? Yeah, she's kind of raising her hand, but down. Come on up here, sweetheart. I don't think her boyfriend wants her to do it. They seem to be arguing about it. Wow. Here she comes, everybody. A historical moment in the show's history as a gay man is about to kiss his first female of his life. A lot of people are holding in, holding back vomit right now. The. The look and the got a big dick Hope he's got a big old. This is Kill Tony. Where magical moments happen. Angel has been with nothing but men and men that are pretending to be a woman. Whoa. Wow. Look at the excitement in her face, everybody. She volunteered for this. This is Angel's first female female kiss. Do you believe in miracles? Oh, Angel. Angel's about to throw up. Wow. There you go. Unbelievable. Wow. There she goes. Back to obscurity. She goes. Well, he's wearing basketball shorts, so we couldn't see what he's gonna get. Hard. We're gonna see it. He got softer. He did. Angel, you just kissed a woman for the first time. How do you feel? Are you now positive that you're gay? I am not gay. Wow. I am not gay. I'm not gay, everybody. Welcome to my world. Angel, you'll be denying it forever. I'll tell you what. The set, I don't even fucking remember talking about Puppy and Parvo and your stepdad, but the interview was unbelievable. There's a big joke, but go. Shove it up your ass. Shove it up your ass, Angel. This is Kill Company. Oh, there's Heidi. Woo. Sheesh. With its two juicy beef patties and three slices of melted cheese topped with tangy Big art sauce. The Big arch is what happens when you start making a McDonald's burger and never stop. The Big Arch, the most McDonald's McDonald's burger yet for a limited time. All right. And obviously anything can happen here. Make some noise for your next comedian. Doing an uninterrupted 60 seconds. He's waited 24 minutes for this moment. It's just been waiting, nervous as behind that curtain. No matter what, make some noise for Luke. Aaron, everybody. Here comes Luke. How we doing tonight? All right. I'm. I'm from Wisconsin, and most people don't know much about Wisconsin other than that we have cheese. And believe it or not, I did work at a cheese factory. I was one of the guys that made sure all the Swiss cheese had holes in it. No, just kidding. I wish that was my job. My job was actually making sure those guys stayed hard. Thank you. Speaking of hard, being an adult is hard. As a kid, everything felt like an adventure. And now everything just kind of feels like a responsibility. I get stressed out even just leaving my house. I'm like, am I on time? Did I turn off the oven? Did I pay rent? Phone, Wallet. Keys. Micro penis. All right, I'm good to go. No, but I'm just kidding. It's actually not that small. The last time I had sex, she said that it Was perfect size. At least I think that's what she would have said, but I don't speak squirrel. All right, thank you. That's all. I got an adorable set for you, Karen out there. Fucking squirrels. Keeping the cheese hard. How you doing, Luke? I'm doing good. How old are you? I'm 26. 26. How long you been doing standup? I've been doing standup now for like six or seven months. Six or seven months, Nice. Where at? I've been doing. I've been. I like, kick butt coffee. That was like the first place I ever did it here in Austin. Okay. Kickback coffee. Is that open till 2am no. Well, looks like you're not getting your sucked at a coffee shop. We'll see. Yeah. Behind it. Anything. You never know. Luke, what do you do for a living? I. I work at a spa in a hotel and resort. Okay. Yeah. What do you do at the spa? I like. I serve people food by the pool and then like pick up their towels and stuff. Nice. How long you been on that for? I've been doing that since moving here, so I think probably about six months. Okay, six months. What were you doing before that? Before that I was. I was in South Carolina after graduating college. I've been on before. We were talking about this. I was selling windows and I worked at a restaurant. Okay, all right, all right. Anything changed since the last time you were on the show? Well, not. Not a ton. I'm. I. So after I was talking about my girlfriend the last time and we have been on and off, but we are still together. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I did it. When you say on and off, why. Why are you on and off? We just have. I don't know. I'm bad at relationships. We just have a lot of, like, disagreements and stuff, but we've been working through it. Like, about what? Can you give us an example of a recent disagreement that you have? Just any. Anything will do. Anything. People will be able to relate. I mean, God, it's. It's. I'm like. I don't know. I'm kind of hard to deal with. I like to. I want her to do like exactly what I want her to do all the time. So I'm kind of. I'm kind of. I'm kind of controlling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm working on it. Can you give us an example of exactly what you mean by that? I mean her. If she's just like on her phone scrolling or you say, hey, I said your phone. Yeah, well, no, I just build resentment inside yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's. Yeah, that's my style. Yeah, that's my style. A lot of hair dudes agree with you. I don't know. Real relationship. Yeah, yeah. Enough. Enough little things build up until it just boils over and then say something stupid. Okay. Anything else crazy about your life we should know about? I. I wrote a poem recently. I wrote a poem pretty recently. Probably a few months ago. You want to say the poem? I brought it. Oh, wow. Oh, my goodness. All right, all right. Oh, and then I also. Have I also thought of a roast. Tony, has anyone ever told you that you look like Tony Robin's penis? Yes. Ah. All right. Red band, Red band. Has anyone ever told you that you look like Juanita's penis? 2003. Ah, damn. All right, all right, here we go. Maybe the poem's better than your rooster. Here we go, here we go. All right. My poem is entitled Sleepless Nights. All right, here we go. Penis, cock, Willie and dong wiener. Peter Johnson and Schlong. Must I keep going and prolong? Has there been a man who's done no wrong? Has there been a man who's done no wrong? You're a loser, you piece of shit. You will never become a surgeon. You will certainly die a virgin. The voices of my bullies rang true. Whatever am I going to do? Whatever am I going to do? I will not die a virgin. I said within my own head. I must take matters into my own hands. I would never tell. I would never tell a soul my plans. If no one at school was going to fuck me. I should get a job. Maybe one of them will suck me. How long is this fucking poem? All right, all right. Double sided. Double sided. It is double sided. It is double sided. Like if Dr. Seuss was a doctor that Ty Marion's hospital. Who knows what's gonna happen? Does he lose his virginity? Here we go. Oh, here we go. That's the juiced up part of the poem. Vagina, pussy, beaver and ham. Ham and ham. Yeah, sure, ham. I had to rhyme it. All right. Hey, work with me, work with me, all right? I love to suck ham, but hey, don't make me start this over, all right? I'm about to. All right, all right. Beaver and ham. Vajayjay, clitoris, coochie and clam. There it is. I got a job. And the first week went great. I laid low. They trusted me. They took the bait. They asked me, hey, would you be able to work late? I knew having sex was in my fate. I need you to stay late. To feed the animals at night. Of course. I said it would be a delight. Yes, it's true. The job I got is at a zoo once everyone. Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. I gotta get you out of here. Is that, like. Is it, like, getting anywhere? It's going somewhere. This is not a fucking poem, dude. This is a fucking story that rhymes. Why did you write. You're right. Why? It was. I was. I was trying to make people laugh. Yeah. You hear that? All right, finish it. Hell, yeah. Hell, yeah. All right. The poem is better than the stand up. It is. It is better than stand up. All right. All right. Once everyone finally left the park, I felt like Noah in his ark. I was hard as a rock and ready to come. I knew it was my time to get some I knew I would lose my virginity soon Come on. I knew I would lose my virginity soon it didn't take long till I was fucking a baboon I went to the penguins and got some head I didn't care that one of them was dead Lions and tigers and bears, oh, my. I waited till they were sleeping Then gave them a cream piece the flamingos and ducks in their flock Got ravaged by my throbbing cock I stretched out an ostrich I got coitus from a tortoise I got dirty with the birdies I got funky with the monkeys all the animals in sight they didn't put up much of a fight I wanted to take on more bigger and better I wanted the sexiest animal of them all I thought it would satisfy but now I sit on my bed and cry oh, did I think I was smart But I will never be able to forget that hippo's fart. How much fucking longer is it? That's it. That's it. Jesus. Hey, Bryce. I love it. Okay, I take it back. I love it. There's a part two. Great. Next time, next time, next time. Here you go. Here's the smallest joke book I could find. Oh, right on Joe's. What happened? I got hit. Yeah, my bad. He deflected up to Joe's. All right, there he goes. Luke Aaron, everybody. We'll kick it out to you later on, dude. Yeah, I don't know where it is. It's up your ass, Luke. Aaron. Good job, Luke. Poem's too long. Can you imagine him doing that for, like, five more minutes? Yeah, it was crazy. All right, but the crowd loved it. Go to Barnes and Noble. You guys were wrong. You know that, right? All right, your next bucket poll goes by the name of Casey Connor, everybody. Make some Noise for Casey Connor. How's it going, Austin? It has become problematic for me to take showers alone again recently, and that is because I listen to hip hop in the shower and I do not censor myself when Wu Tang comes on. Thank you. But recently, Kanye was on. On my. My speaker. I was washing my armpits and I just. I kind of just felt a little strange when I was listening to Kanye, so I had to skip the song. I'm sure you guys know which song it was. But after I skipped that song, Puff Daddy and the family came on and it was fitting to get loose. And I don't know if you guys know this, but the first like 20 to 30 seconds of that song is Puff Daddy just breathing heavy like, and I'm washing my asshole and Fitna Get Loose is on. And I just prayed that I was the only one in there. But I realized it's very easy to become racist and gay by listening to hip hop. Jesus Christ. Casey Connor, everybody. Welcome, welcome. Casey, have you been on this show before? I have not. Welcome, welcome. How long you been on stand up? Seven years. Okay, sweet. Where at? Miami, Florida. Where? Miami. Nice. Okay, tell us about your life, Casey. Army veteran. I just moved to Austin about three weeks ago. I came here to do this to get better and perform and like, Austin is the city to improve. Hell yeah. Have you been doing a lot of the mics and whatnot? I have not. I just got hired as a manager at a place. It's a non alcoholic bar called Tulum Botanicals. A non alcoholic bar? Yeah. So is there business there? Yeah, surprisingly. It's all plant based. It's kava kratom. Texas is. Yeah, somebody knows it. Wow. Okay, so people are kind of getting like doped up, but not on alcohol. Right, right, right. Did they tip well there? Not that I've seen. I've only worked two days so far. Right, okay. What branch did you serve in the army? I was a paratrooper in the 82nd Airborne out of Fort Bragg, North Carolina. Nice. So you. Did you jump out of a lot of planes? I had about 25, 26 jumps before I got kicked out. Wow. That's about half as many dudes as angels hooked up with. Why did they kick you out? Cocaine. Wow. I'm from Florida. Right, exactly. Do you still do cocaine? Absolutely. Yeah, not tonight. How often do you think you do cocaine? A couple times a month. All right, what usually sets it off? What makes you. Do you, like, wake up kind of itching for it or is it when things are rough or when you're having a great day. Purely recreational, Just for fun. Like, if I want to go out on the weekend, I'm like, we're going out. Let's get a bag. Have you gotten a bag since coming to Austin, Texas? Say again? Have you gotten a bag since coming to Austin, Texas? I got a bump from a guy at the four five, six bar who has a picture with you. Four, five, six bars. Four, five, six. It's a. Yeah, East Austin. That cool, little, like, Irish pub type. Yeah. It's got a bunch of dead animals on the inside. Yep. Yep. Well, every bar has dead animals. Oh, they all do here. Yeah. You're not in Miami. It's a lot like the Florida Keys where I grew up. Nice. Okay, Casey, craziest thing about your life that's ever happened to you. I don't know if it's crazy anymore, and everybody always says it, but my parents are dead. Ooh, how did your parents die? My mom is a Miami girl, and she died from drinking and drug use. And just awesome. How about dad? Dad survived Vietnam being in the Cocaine Cowboys, drug use, drinking, and had a stroke. Aw. Mom wins this battle. Yeah, she does. She does. Mom died sooner. I love it. All right, Casey. Well, yes. Keep writing and performing and get around. Do it. Get out there, Casey Connor. We're gonna keep it moving with our final bucket pool of the night. Everybody, we are coming around the corner. This looks like a brand new name. Let's see what happens here. Put your hands together for Simply Courtney, everybody. It's Simply Courtney. Oh, man. Y' all know how hard it is to drive Uber when you're a big black dude named Courtney? People don't believe it's my car. I had a lady once go, are you sure this is your car? You know how you hear a joke and you think she's playing, but she's like. And because I'm a comic, I'm all like, nah, we stole this motherfucker together. Let's go. Happy Black History Month, by the way. All right, so anyways, I'm recently taking a tolerance break from weed. I don't hate weed. I just don't like the things that I do when I'm on it. Like, I'll go to my son's basketball game and cheer for the wrong team. I also do stupid things, like forget I'm driving Uber, Have a passenger in the back seat just terrified. I'm like, I'm about to have a roommate. I think that's about it, y'. All. Thank you. A fantastic Set from simply. Courtney, welcome. Welcome. This is your first time on the show? Yes, sir. I love it. Where are you? Where are you from? I'm from Austin. I'm from Austin, Texas. Let me make a little more noise. I love it. Amazing. One of the low knuckles in the building, baby. I love it. How long you been doing stand up? 13 years, though. 13 years. And we're just meeting you now for the first time. Incredible. We've been here for half a decade. Why are we just meeting you now, Courtney? Hey, you know, I sign up every once in a while on Mondays. I normally hang out with my daughter. I'm teaching her to drive right now. And so that's what I'm normally doing Monday nights, and so I'm skipping hanging out with my daughter. Teach her to drive to hang out with y' all tonight. Wow. A black man not hanging out with his children. Incredible. Really? Happy Black History Month. Oh, you jerk. How old are your. Older. How old are your kids? My daughter's 17, and my son. You rapid. Is 15 years old. Six foot four. He's taller than me. Whoa. Yeah, okay. It's your daughter's birthday. Oh, my God. Hold on. This is red scared on why? I want. I don't want to answer that because. Yeah, don't answer. September 19th. I'm proud of him not telling you the year, though. She's illegal. God damn it. Watch out. Damn right. Absolutely. What do you do for work, Courtney? Just drive Uber. Straight up comedy. No, I suck at Uber. Nice. I'm better at telling jokes than I am at doing Uber. So I make all of my money from comedy and comedy adventures. So run open mic, run a few shows around town, and then I perform. Perfect. Hell, yeah. What do you do for fun when you're not doing comedy or raising your kids? When I do for fun, I read and then I also, Ooh, listen to music. Right now. That's my big thing. So I'm. Why y' all laughing at that? That ain't funny. Nah, it's funny if you want to laugh. But, no, I listen to music. I'm discovering a lot of oldies right now. I do a little thing at the radio station, 88.7. I know I'm not supposed to shout out everything, but that's why I do Wednesdays, and so I'm one of the. What is it? I said that's what you people do. You give shout outs. It's true. That's why they're laughing. Shout out to my mom. No, I'm joking. You set it up. But nah, I'm listening to new music right now. So I'm going back. I'm listening to Stevie Wonder, Michael Jackson's off the Wall album, and then I'm also listening to Stevie Wonder, Michael Jackson's off the Wall album, and oh, Prince Purple. Not the Purple Rain album though, but it's another one. Hell yeah. So there's another album. I'm going through all of these new ones right now. Oh, you noticed that noise? I'm light skinned to Tony, so I noticed it. Okay. That's right. I'm tall and I'm light skin and black. So I actually do change the smoke to take the second beat. Okay. You're tall enough to where you could just do it. You could just reach up and that part, that part. I love it. Are you still with the baby mama of your seven? No, we're divorced. We're divorced. Okay. But we are friendly enough that I'm actually staying there tonight. Oh, nice. Yeah, I take the kids to school on Tuesdays, Thursday mornings, and so sometimes instead of me having to come in early in the morning, I just come in after I do comedy or whatever. I'm doing late night. Awesome. Yeah. So we are amicable. Hell yeah. You're what? Amicable. We're amicable. Yeah. Me, we're nice. We're civil. Is that the wrong word? Yeah, it's the wrong word. No, it's not. Yeah, it is. Time out. Time out. What word? What's the word should I have said then? Give me it. Amicable. Oh, my God. Okay. I mispronounced the word. Okay. That's what. Wait, time out. Did you know what I meant, though? Yeah, we good? Okay, then we good then. I'm cool. I'm cool. Then Oxy, that's people be like, oh, what? I was like. Do you know what I meant, though? Okay. You know there's not a girl in the car. I didn't steal the car. Right. Got you. It was a joke. Little context. We good? I'm messing with you, white man. You good. Thank you. I am. Hey, I just looked at his watch. Hard as shit right now by accident. I'm not trying to steal your watch. But it is nice, though. Oh, thank you. You need a Uber driver later. No, I'm all right. I'm all right. I'll walk home. Thank you. Okay. I'm moving. He's staying in San Antonio and he's walking because he's terrified. Oh, you staying in San Antonio? Sure, yeah. Wherever you think I'm staying is where I'm staying. I can give you a ride, you know, when you're trying to go, I'm going to San Marcos. I'm already halfway there. I've done that too, though, by the way. You talked about rooting for the wrong team for your kids. Basketball, I get high too, and I go, and I go, that's a nice play by the other team. And people get upset with me. But that, you know, I'm. Listen, I'm one of those. If somebody does good, I like the sport. That's what I do too. And I'll be like, good play. And we'll be down by 40. And I'll be like, you got a good play. Everybody all looking at me like, why would you say that? I'm like, what the fuck did I say? Oh, my bad. Down by 40. Yeah. Jesus. It happens that my son's a freshman on varsity and they're. They're figuring it out. He was like one of two freshmen on varsity and they got their butts handed to them. But guess what? We're going to be better next year and the year after that and the year after that. So we chilling? All right. Love it. I'm cheering. I'm a black dad. That's cheering. I'm cheering. God damn it. We lose it if we lose about 40. I'm still cheering. So we go to the other team. I'm cheering for everybody at this point. Yeah, other team. My team. You have a 17 year old daughter. Is she brought any dates back? Is she introduced to any young boyfriends she's dating currently? She just had a date for Valentine's Day. It just happened. And so he's chill. He's a cool dude. Blackhead. Black. Black. Blacker than me. Black is almost as black as this. How does that make you feel when she brings home someone blacker than you on. On it. On trying to do honest dance? Honesty. I hate that this is getting recorded too. I'm like, I can't even lie just a little. I don't feel any type of way because her mom is currently dating a guy that's the same color. So I feel like they're dating a dude that's the same hue. I meant to say hue, not color. Now you in my head now. It's amicable. Okay. Damn it. I tried amicable. All right. Okay. Decent. Oh, but no, I don't feel any type of way about it, though. I don't feel any type of. Well, I think it's dope. The fact that she has somebody that loves her just as much as I Love her is dope as fuck for me. So I'm good. Amazing. Listen to this gorgeous. Very impressive set. Parenting dude. Very impressive interview. You're getting the blackest joke book that I have here. There you go. There goes Simply Courtney making his Kill Tony debut. After 13 years of doing comedy in Austin, he just made it to the biggest show in the city in the industry. Well, ladies and gentlemen, here we are and we have made it. Unfortunately, William Montgomery's dog broke its arm and and had an eight thousand dollar surgery today. This episode is brought to you by White Claw Surge. Nice choice hitting up this podcast. No surprises. You're all about diving into tastes everyone in the room can enjoy. Just like White Claw Surge. It's for celebrating those moments when connections have been made and the night's just begun. With bold flavors and 8% alcohol by volume. Unleash the night. Unleash White Claw Surge. Please drink responsibly. Hard seltzer with flavors, 8% alcohol by volume. White cloth seltzer works Chicago, Illinois. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to do. @mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month. Required intro rate, first 3 months only, then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees, extra fee, full terms@mintmobile.com Ari Matty is stuck in Estonia tonight. However, ladies and gentlemen, we have one other regular that is just unbelievable. Writes a brand new minute every single week. Out of everyone you saw tonight, you have not seen someone that writes a minute every week. And meanwhile, he is so impressive. Make some noise for the one and only Dark Storm of Austin, Texas. This is Dedrick Flynn, everybody. Man, Oh man, I hate when you talk to somebody and they say they got siblings and you only find out it's only one or two of them niggas that's not siblings. This is what's wrong with the country. We need big family energy back in the goddamn states. There's a certain thing you get when you get like we. I grew up in a townhouse. We only grew up in a two bedroom townhouse. We all slept on one king size mattress, all six of us. Nigga wasn't no boogeyman. N We'll jump that nigga. You know what I'm saying? We'll jump. I wish the nigga would come haunt my sister dreams. N We'll jump. That nigga. It's a different kind of attitude you get. Cause I grew up in the 90s with the big booty TVs. I survived the big booty TV remote wars of the 90s when we used to. When you get punched in the face by a nigga that look just like you cause he want to watch spongebob, you know what I'm saying? Like, and you didn't hit the remote. Or if you better like me, if you real petty, I'll take the batteries out that motherfucker. You know what I'm talking about? The big booty TVs. You remember the big booty TV? The ones that doubled up as furniture. You could put pictures of your family on top of it and have plants grow down the side. You know what I'm talking about, sir? The big booty TVs. The ones you can slap em on the ass to get em to work right like a good woman. You know what I'm talking about? The big booty TVs. That's my time. I'm gone. Yeah. Dedrick Flynn with a minute 33 seconds more work than anybody else tonight. And he does it every single week. Amazing stuff, Dedrick. I love the do rag. You must be celebrating Black History Month. Yeah, well, I escaped Boston to come here cause they got a blizzard that's coming through there. And the scientists were saying that this only happens every once in a while. And the reason why it was happening is cuz the Star storm also came through. That that's what they. Because of you. Yeah, I do that. What was it? A blizzard from Dairy Queen? Yes, because of the diabetes and whatnot. I don't have diabetes, Tony. I just like gold. That's right. That's right. I love the Do Rag. That is incredible. Thank you. Absolutely amazing. You look like you and your own auntie. We call them Annie is where I'm from. It's Annie. Aunties is that white people shit from the Midwest where you from? You like you don't care about an auntie. But nigga Annie, Annie gonna be there for you. Annie gonna bail you out of jail and not tell your mama. You know what I'm saying? A auntie gonna call your mama and go bail her out with you. You need an auntie on you. Is that hard knock life? Yeah, in Boston. Shut the up. I'm so mad at you. Well, I'm Glad you didn't antifreeze in Boston. Come on. I love the patriotic under jacket that you. Yeah. Olympics. I went to Boston. I was sitting with them little cold rednecks. So I got in the hockey cuz them in Boston, their football is hockey. So the American team, women's and men's, won gold in hockey. Shout out to them. Oh, yeah. USA. USA. USA. USA. U.S.A. motherfucker. I'm feeling it. YouTube. Doing good, man. I'm out of here. Thank you. I appreciate. I'm not mad at you. This is like Spy versus spy. The black and the white. You do look like a sleeper agent. Thank you. Dedrick, how's life going? Fucking so goddamn good, man. I'm so fucking tired. I'm traveling all. I get to meet all these cool people. I'm really living my dream, and I think that was beautiful. I just bought Big Buck Hunter from my house. O we. We who want to see me? That's awesome, Connor. Thank you so much. Two guns or one gun? Two guns. It's a whole arcade center right there. Yeah. What a dream. Yeah. It's $500 on coal. I'm sorry I missed it. What did you buy? Buck Hunter, dude. Buck Hunter? Yeah. Yeah. The big arcade game. Yeah. When you're shooting the animals on Big Buck Hunter, do you hold the gun sideways? Well, yes, Tony, this is Black History Month. It is, but it does. It does actually, like. Cause I watching John Wick, that nigga turn his gun to the side and then he's like, okay, Black energy. And then they come in there and kill everybody. So I just kind of hold it like that. I watch John Wick, then I go play Big Buck Hunter on mushrooms. Shit, I love it. It is your month, so, I mean, you will do whatever you want. About to be on your ass, bro. You look so swirlyable. And. How dare you. What did you say? Swirlyable, sir? Swirly able. You can get that nigga swirly perfectly, like, by just a long time. You know what? It's an adjective. Dumbass. Oh, that's not a word. I don't think this is very amicable. Yeah. Being amicable right now. Amicable. I loved the jokes tonight, Dedrick. Big family energy, six kids and a king size. Is that true? Yeah. Whoa. On the floor. Wow. Yeah. Honestly, I didn't. We didn't know we was poor because everybody else around us was poor. Yeah. And then when we got to, like, middle school and our parents wanted to put us in better schools, like, that's when I realized was poor. And that's when I started being bad because I was. I don't like when a doing better than me. I hate. That's why I hate niggas with two siblings like you like, because the big booty T the reason why it's important is there there's no rewind on a big booty tv. Like when you watch that episode, if you miss something, like if you miss like raw growing up and you got on the bus and you didn't know what happened versus Stone Cold, you couldn't get no pussy. You are correct. My. I had a big booty TB growing up. A lot of people don't know this, but I was raised extremely poor. In fact, recently I was sent a picture from an old school friend of my house, which still stands on Florence Dale Avenue in Youngstown, Ohio. It is one of the only remaining houses in the ghetto of Youngstown. And there are. They do it. You were there? Yeah, when I went to Youngstown. Really? Yeah. The Uber driver was so excited. Are you serious? I'm dead ass here. And they took me all around Youngstown, nigga. That was the first time I felt like I was in the mafia. Yeah. Cause one, they were nice to me. And I know they're not nice in Youngstown, Ohio. I know they're. It's too cold to have like a good personality. Yeah. And I showed someone a picture picture of my house that didn't know exactly. They don't. You know, not everybody knows the background of Youngstown or whatnot. And. And there. It's the only house still standing anywhere near it. So I showed someone the picture and they're like, wow, look at all the land that you had. But what they don't realize is that there's a graveyard of driveways that just go to nothing because every house was arsoned out or burned down. What the was my point. Oh, I had a big booty tv. Yeah. Yeah. As well. Big ass tv. And we. Our house would get robbed about once a year, once every two years. And of course they would have to take a bunch of dumb shit like an Atari station. One time they took a vcr, just a straight up vcr, which would be worth, I guess, negative money nowadays. It was not. It was. It was 250 back in the day. And if I do the math, they took everything from me. Yeah. That's what they did. They just came out. They. Did they take the deep. Did they take the tapes too? What was you watching on the video? What was your. Well, it's actually funny you mentioned that my first grade play. I was. I was a star. Do you know about this? Why are you laughing? My first grade Christmas play was in the VCR when they stole it. And I was. I was all head. I had the same size head that I have now. When I was in first grade. The kids used to. To call me Big Head. Just Big Head. But anyway, and. And it's very depressing that they stole that because it's some of the funniest video footage. I. I was a star in the play. When they're. They're like, you're going to be a star. And I'm like, wow, this is amazing. I'm going to be a star in the play. But it turns out I was an actual star. Like, I was like a decoration. It was a glittery star with a piece of yarn. Do you have it? Dedrick, was it you that stolen? All right, I was not alive. Was like a manger. Whatever. The Christmas play. Christmas, the story of Christmas Red B. Oh, that was your big moment. It was. That's the biggest I ever got. I never, I never found any success after that. But my point is, it's interesting because those TVs back then were basically unstealable. They were like £700 or something. Insane. I don't think they were unstable. I took a lot of them. Tony. I think. I think you just a weak ass kid with your head. If you just put that on like an African going to the market. Balance it. You had a dolly? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I got. I got two ACLs. I got a twitch fiber muscle in my calf that'll help me pick up a TV and get it up out of there real fast. I think we're talking about two different types of TVs. I'm talking about the big booty TV. I'm strong as I was. I was raised in the 80s, not the 90s. The 90s. I think there was a little upgrade between me and you. Yeah. That was the. You had to. You had to change the TV with the pliers and we didn't have a remote. Yeah, we had a dial. What had to walk up to the dial. Your mom just lost a remote. No, there was a dial. I remember it. You remember when TVs had dials and the remotes were like. They turned it like this. Yeah. Okay. The channel. Yeah. Remotes were like a brand new, unbelievable technology for like. Like you pressed a button on the sides. Yeah. It was like a big deal. Oh, man, I'm glad I grew up younger. This had a laser on, man. Yeah. I know. Yeah, I guess. Not you, Tony. I'm so sorry for disrespecting you. I've seen you my whole life, so I know. I used to watch you on the Big Booty T. Dedrick, you are the fucking man. Everybody loves you. The world loves you. Go see him live. He's on the Killers of Kill Tony Tour. This episode was brought to you by Prizepix, quo, Shopify and ZipRecruiter. How loud can this place get for the great Steve Rannazisi? He's on tour. Check him out. Doing some dates. Steve rannazeezi.com how about one more time for the great Joe List, everybody? He's on tour. Comedian joelist.com Smallball is on YouTube.com the drawing from Ryan Je belt is in. And that is indeed the great Steve Rannazizi and Joe List. Let's see what Chris Rogers drew tonight. Joe List. Oh my goodness, he drew Joe List. How about one more time for the best damn band in all the land? Red Band I'll be in San Diego in June at the American comedy co.com kill Tony is going to the Intuit Dome in Los Angeles, California. California in May. If you're anywhere near LA or in the mood to make a trip to the old relic that used to be one of the best cities in the world, why not visit it and see Kiltoni at the same time? Go to the ocean where it's now filled with little black beads from melted Teslas that exploded in the Pacific Palisades. A little fun fact for you. It turned into black tiny balls that now line the lower Pacific Ocean of the United States of America. How about one more time for the Kill Tony band? You can follow them on YouTube and Instagram. Follow Heidi heidy regina.com Love on the Line and yeah, that's about it. I'm going to the Kennedy. I'm going to do standup at the Kennedy center in Washington D.C. doing some other dates. Tony Hendricks clip.com Some other big announcements right around the corner. Live audience we love you. Thank you. Good night everybody. Sam. Wide awake in her whiskey hole.