Kill Tony Episode #763 Summary – With Guest Jeff Ross

Date: April 7, 2026
Venue: Comedy Mothership, Austin, TX
Host: Tony Hinchcliffe
Co-host: Brian Redban
Special Guest: Jeff Ross (“Roastmaster General”, new Netflix special “Take a Banana for the Ride”)

Episode Theme / Overview

This episode of Kill Tony features legendary roast comedian Jeff Ross as the sole special guest. The show blends its signature live, improvised stand-up competition—where aspiring comedians get “one minute” in front of the hosts and live crowd—with a focus on classic roasting, riffing, and comedic mentorship. The episode is filled with sharp banter, rapid-fire roasts, heartfelt moments, and a few standout performances, making it both hilarious and authentic in Kill Tony style.

Key Segments and Highlights

1. Opening and Announcements (00:08–07:00)

• Tony announces Kill Tony’s return to Madison Square Garden and a new Netflix run.
• Sponsors and shoutouts (skipped here).
• The band is introduced; crowd hyped for Jeff Ross.
• Tony praises Ross as a mentor and close friend.
• Notable Quote:

  “Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you … a genius, my mentor, and one of my best friends, the great roast master, General Jeffrey Ross.” — Tony (06:24)

2. Host & Guest Riff (07:15–09:15)

• Jeff Ross teases Tony: “You are the Nikki Glaser of Austin.” (07:19)
• Both roast the crowd:

  “This guy looks like he sharpens his head… your poor name is ‘used paintbrush.’” — Jeff Ross (08:07)

• Jeff and Tony reflect on Kill Tony’s early “Belly Room” era and unexpected rise.

3. Comedian Performances & Interviews

A. Martin Phillips (Golden Ticket Winner) – [10:18–17:17]

• Stand-up bit about traveling with his drugged shih tzu service dog and dog pooping during a flight.
• Funny dialogue about service animals vs. handicapped comics.
• Jeff Ross shares his recent cancer recovery, chemo port removal.
• Notable Quotes:

  “Great memory. Back then in the Belly Room, there were, like, 80 people in the room and then another 80 watching on YouTube.” — Jeff Ross (09:09)
  “You look sicker than I do.” — Martin Phillips to Jeff, referencing both their health struggles (16:32)
  “It’s extra funny because I’m healthy. I just had my chemo port taken out a week ago. I got the scar right here.” — Jeff Ross (16:44)

B. Aaron Spaller [17:58–26:59]

• “Midwestern” comic, three years in, wears overalls (no boxers in six years: “I just gave up during the pandemic.”)
• Story about once crashing into a tree at 90 mph, almost losing job, valeting cars with a baby left inside.
• Quip:

  “Turns out this guy got raped by his barber six years ago.” — Tony, joking about Aaron’s aversion to haircuts and boxers (24:39)
  “I crashed a tree going 90 miles an hour. ... It was either kill her or the tree. I chose the tree.” — Aaron (25:46)

C. Vanessa Scaduto [30:35–39:19]

• Bit on “aging out” of sexual acts; participatory interview reveals she’s into “spiritual healing” and mediumship.
• Tony pushes her into demonstrating (“flex this medium work”) but Vanessa concedes she doesn’t improvise.
• Engaging, awkward, self-aware, and open with crowd.
• Quote:

  “I mean, pushing a child out of your coochie is pretty powerful.” — Vanessa (36:52)

D. Michael Hines [39:47–46:27]

• Stand-up touching on Native American ex, algorithm confusion, “alpha males.”
• Reveals colorful backstory: ex-Marine, MMA instructor, large debt due to DUI, now struggles to pay rent and faces eviction.
• Moment:

  “You were both a Marine and an MMA instructor … and now you’re getting evicted for weed.” — Tony (44:47)

E. Katie Carter [49:48–56:09]

• Edgy, well-crafted pedophile/grooming material, “never much of a closer.”
• Moved from Denver, works marketing job, aiming for comedy full time.
• Gets invited to the club’s “secret show.”
• Praise:

  “I like that all your jokes were connected. You came up here with an act.” — Jeff Ross (51:55)

F. Chris Celio (Golden Ticket Winner) [57:01–66:06]

• Blind comic, brilliant bit on Neuralink and “robot eyes,” clever musings on dating apps as a blind man, mushrooms at SXSW.
• Interview with Jeff: lost sight at 18, jokes on dreams consisting of 90s sitcom scenes.
• Standout Quotes:

  “I fucking can’t wait for robot eyes. Elon Musk keeps telling me … but it’s just old school Atari graphics—Pong pussy!” — Chris (57:11)
  “Your minute was killer. … I think you’re a really good joke writer.” — Jeff Ross (65:51)

G. Michael Scott [67:44–74:54]

• Stand-up: Riff on his Roomba (“He’s black. He cleans my house. I named him Toby…”)
• Discusses his life as a comic, being fired, working valet, odd dating experiences.
• Memorable Roast:

  “You met her at Shakespeare's? I was drunk before.” — Michael (71:13)

H. Eric Biggs [75:27–83:11]

• Set about being Midwestern (“I believe in binge drinking, not counseling.”)
• Tony and Jeff challenge him to do a better, second minute—he delivers marriage and trailer park humor.
• Reveals solid “normal” upbringing, lost brother to drunk driving, open about insurance day job.
• Quote:

  “You're built like a snowman … beautiful round head; beautiful round body.” — Tony (77:41)
  “Super confidence with no talent at all!” — Jeff (77:58)

4. Notable Features / Moments

Comedy Music Highlight: Victoria Lang [95:17–105:11]

• Opens with quality jokes about pole dancing and her boyfriend's “sounding” kink.
• Delivers original, surprisingly well-constructed comedy song about living with her mom while dating, leading the house band live and riffing musically.
• Quote:

  “That was actually a good song—not just a comedy song.” — Tony (103:30)

Comedy Veteran Spotlight: Davey Wester [84:55–94:02]

• The original “cerebral palsy comic” from Comedy Store days; brings both edge and authenticity.
• Reminisces with Tony about LA, current Austin comedy scene, run-ins with police, eating mushrooms during an arrest.
• Button-mismatched, self-deprecating, roasts himself and the panel with wit.
• Quotes & Moments:

  “Alternative high school; we had lawn mowing as a course.” — Davey (85:54)
  “Everywhere we went, [Brian Holtzman] goes, ‘I have a handicap. I have a handicap.’” — Davey (91:55)

Regular Set: Dedrick Flynn [122:11–127:40]

• Headliner “dark storm of Austin/Chicago”, discusses being homeless despite recent career successes, and how that affects his dating life and “homeless dick package.”
• Riffs about absurd rental procedures, systemic issues (“they want me to write an essay about my bad credit”), humorously furious at bureaucracy.
• Quote:

  “I learned I was a better boyfriend when I was homeless... I learned how to fold a fitted blanket when I was homeless.” — Dedrick (124:41)

Notable Quotes & Roasts (w/ Timestamps)

• “You are the Nikki Glaser of Austin.” — Jeff Ross (07:19)
• “He looks like he sharpens his head…your porn name is ‘used paintbrush.’” — Jeff (08:00)
• “I crashed a tree going 90 miles an hour…It was either kill her or the tree. I chose the tree.” — Aaron Spaller (25:46)
• “I mean, pushing a child out of your coochie is pretty powerful.” — Vanessa Scaduto (36:52)
• “I fucking can’t wait for robot eyes … Pong pussy.” — Chris Celio (57:11)
• “You’re built like a snowman…You have a beautiful round head; you have a round body.” — Tony (77:41)
• “Super confidence with no talent at all.” — Jeff Ross to Eric Biggs (77:58)
• “Alternative high school; we had lawn mowing as a course.” — Davey Wester (85:54)
• “You learned how to fold a fitted blanket when you were homeless.” — Dedrick Flynn (124:41)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 07:15 – Jeff Ross intro, Nikki Glaser/roasts
• 10:18–17:17 – Martin Phillips set & interview (blind, handicapped, dog stories)
• 17:58–26:59 – Aaron Spaller (overalls, tree crash, valet horror stories)
• 30:35–39:19 – Vanessa Scaduto (spiritual medium, cult-like group)
• 39:47–46:27 – Michael Hines (Marine, eviction, debt, life problems)
• 49:48–56:09 – Katie Carter (grooming material, Denver comic)
• 57:01–66:06 – Chris Celio (blind comic, “robot eyes”, strong set)
• 67:44–74:54 – Michael Scott (Roomba bit, valet gig)
• 75:27–83:11 – Eric Biggs (Midwestern, marriage, dead brother)
• 84:55–94:02 – Davey Wester (Comedy Store days, CP, mushrooms)
• 95:17–105:11 – Victoria Lang (song performance, pole dancing, boyfriend “sounding” bit)
• 122:11–127:40 – Dedrick Flynn regular set (homelessness, rental struggles)

Tone & Atmosphere

The episode maintains the classic, raucous Kill Tony energy:

• Roasting is central—Jeff Ross and Tony roast each other, the audience, and the comics (often affectionately, always sharply).
• Comics are given space to riff and reveal quirks and backstories; there’s both mockery and genuine encouragement.
• Notable balance of heart and humor: Surprising moments of vulnerability from regulars and newbies, met with both comedy and support.
• The band's improvisational support is particularly strong this episode, especially during Victoria Lang’s music segment.

Final Notes

• Jeff Ross is plugged throughout for his Netflix special “Take a Banana for the Ride” and the May 10th Kevin Hart roast.
• Tony encourages everyone to keep writing and signing up, emphasizing how the interview/banter portion is often as important as the material.
• Memorable moments: Blind jokes and roasts, unconventional living arrangements, a surprising comedy song, tales of survival (homelessness, health battles), and audience engagement.
• For New Listeners: This episode is a microcosm of what makes Kill Tony unique—live risk, comedy, the merging of veterans and strivers, and the full spectrum of humanity and humor.

Bottom Line:
A quintessential Kill Tony episode featuring stand-out sets, classic roasting, unique characters, and infectious comedic energy with Jeff Ross at the helm.