#764 - JELLY ROLL + THEO VON

Summary

KILL TONY #764 - JELLY ROLL + THEO VON (April 14, 2026)

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Episode Theme & Overview

This episode of Kill Tony brings comedy and music worlds together, featuring recurring guest comedian Theo Von and country rap superstar Jelly Roll. Filmed live from Austin’s Comedy Mothership and hosted by Tony Hinchcliffe alongside Brian Redban, the episode embodies the show’s core: up-and-coming and regular comedians each get one minute to perform stand-up for the panel, then submit to fully improvised Q&As. With Theo’s new film "Busboys" premiering and Jelly Roll fresh off a Grammy sweep, both lend sharp wit and off-the-cuff honesty as Rogues' Gallery participants pull names from the bucket. The hosts and guests deliver punchlines, unique perspectives, and roasts while exploring the stories and aspirations of on-the-rise comics.

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Notable Quotes & Opening Banter

• Tony (04:46): “Two of my favorite human beings. One is one of the biggest comedians in the world. The other, one of the biggest musicians in the world… Theo Von and Jelly Roll!”
• Jelly Roll (05:42): “Longtime listener, first time caller.”
• Theo Von (04:41): “Yeah, thanks for having me. Nice to see everybody. Happy evening. Yeah, I’m excited to be here... excited about the movie coming out this week. So that's... that was something.”

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Key Discussion Points and Highlights

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The Panel: Theo & Jelly Roll’s Dynamic

• Theo Vaughn plugs his new movie "Busboys" and discusses the importance of supporting indie comedy films to reinvigorate theatrical comedies (05:17). “If you do more, comedians like Theo will be able to make their own movies without the big giant studios and all this crap and people in the way… Wouldn’t that be great?” (Tony, 04:57)
• Jelly Roll is celebrated for his recent Grammy wins, and it’s his first time as a panelist (not just musical guest). Candid about his roots, he bridges comedy, music, and vulnerability during Q&As and interviews.

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Standout Regulars & Contestants

1. Dedrick Flynn (Comedic Regular)

   • Sharp, original minute on debt-buying and credit companies, closing with a reference to Jesus forgiving sins but never sending email receipts.
   • “If I leave a dog outside and you adopt the dog, it's not on me to feed the dog, right?” (06:53)
   • Emotional story about his friendship with singer Teddy Swims, inspiring Dedrick to keep going despite 39 attempts at the show’s bucket (10:08).
   • “If my best friend can make it, I can make it too. We drank the same water, we ate the same food.” (10:08)

2. Michael A. Keatson

   • Debuts with jokes about living in a RAV4, aging, and masturbation for prostate health (12:33).
   • Opens up about his health issues, manual labor career, homelessness, and performing stand-up despite nerve damage (16:51).
   • “I built a bed in the back [of the RAV4].” (18:15)

3. Sherry Basiji

   • Iranian-American with Midwest roots, does material about airport security and cultural differences.
   • Shares honest takes on the current unrest in Iran and the hope for freedom (24:09).
   • “This is 47 years in the making, so I’m excited for the freedom that’s about to come.” (24:25)

4. Ethan Griggs

   • “Hick-ass farmer from Cattle Mills, Texas” (29:34) with unfiltered tales of farm life, family, and buying dad porn.
   • Shares surviving a recent DWI and liking “large and black” women (36:16).

5. Charles Haycock

   • Canadian transplant; performs a tight set on autism testing and social differences, then details his “nine-year dry spell” and fascination with Amish women (42:37, 44:30).
   • Reveals running a yo-yo company and being canceled by the “woke yo-yo mob” (47:23).

6. Lil Mozzarella (Internet Personality)

   • Debuts with rapid-fire NY Italian-American humor, shifting accents and riffing on cultural stereotypes (50:00).
   • “If you don’t speak Italian, all you need to know how to do is say this: What do you want to do? How you doing? I don’t want no problems.” (54:50)

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Candid & Impactful Interviews

• Luke Robinson: Tells of walking thousands of miles (including Austin to Boston) after losing dogs to cancer, using the platform for canine cancer awareness. “I’ve lost three dogs to cancer. I’ve walked 4,200 miles.” (80:44)
• Gabriel Adam: New to Austin and comedy, delivers dark, bold humor about relationships, drugs, and sex addiction groups—the first Austin woman in the audience is invited to kiss him onstage (116:54).
  • “I signed up for Sex Addicts Anonymous recently just to kind of see if I could meet somebody there. That was—it was a terrible idea.” (114:45)
  • Theo: “For doing it a month and a half, you have a really, really clever brain.” (118:33)
• Anthony Martin: Former Austin property manager, describes the trauma of discovering a decomposed body in an apartment, handling the aftermath with dark humor and candor (103:06–104:57).

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Signature Crowd Work & Panel Banter

• Ongoing roast dynamics: E.g. Jelly Roll and Tony exchange and recall old roast jokes (“Jelly Roll is Lizzo for rednecks.” [92:00]), Theo and guests joke about panel chemistry, dating, weight loss, and American oddities.
• Touches on the evolving comedy/music scenes in Austin, comics moving for opportunity, and the persistence required to break through.
• Spontaneous advice and encouragement for newer comics (“You got to let that shit go, don’t it? I don’t duck no smoke.” – Dedrick Flynn, 08:43).

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Closing: Headliner Set & Goodbyes

Ari Matti (Estonian Assassin) - [121:02]

• Delivers a killer three-minute set skewering U.S. draft expansion, military service policies in Estonia, and contrasts American and Estonian special forces with dark, subversive humor.
• “In Estonia we don’t have any limits. We have compulsory military service... wheelchair people, we send them. Oh yeah. We put a grenade in your lap.” (121:32)
• Banters with Theo and Jelly about weight loss, pills, and the culture shock of American life (Nike outlets, Miami, and racism as “the final test” of citizenship, 128:15).

Final Remarks

• Theo, Jelly, Tony, and Redban shout out their teams, tour dates, and encourage the audience to see “Busboys” and upcoming shows at The Greek and MSG.
• Theo: “Thank you guys so much... What a dude. So cool. I love you too, man. Thank you. I needed this today…” (130:52)
• Jelly Roll: “Thanks for letting me be one of the musicians to get to sit on the panel… Tony, I love you, congratulations on what you built.” (131:02)

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Episode Timestamps for Key Segments

• Panel intros, plugs, & movie announcement — 04:46–05:26
• Dedrick Flynn‘s set + emotional backstory — 06:51–11:10
• First contestant, Michael A. Keatson — 12:33–18:54
• Sherry Basiji, current events & Iranian perspective — 22:19–28:44
• Ethan Griggs, Texas farm life & DWI story — 29:34–37:37
• Charles Haycock on autism & Amish crush, yo-yo company — 41:14–48:49
• Lil Mozzarella, New York humor & audience banter — 50:00–61:19
• Luke Robinson, dog cancer and cross-country walks — 78:59–84:49
• Gabriel Adam, bold energy and live audience kiss bit — 109:00–118:26
• Ari Matti headliner set + panel closing — 121:02–130:01
• Final host/guest goodbyes — 130:36–131:32

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Memorable Moments

• Dedrick Flynn and Jelly roll bond over their roots (“If my best friend can make it, I can make it too.” – Dedrick, 10:08)
• Jelly Roll’s candid reflections on his nickname's origin and weight loss journey (“I did it the old-fashioned way with God, work, and ate a bunch.” — 125:09)
• Kill Tony “first kiss” segment for Gabriel Adam
• Ari Matti’s wild Estonian-American culture set, capped by “That’s how you get your citizenship. That’s the final test. You have to be racist.” (129:42)
• Unfiltered, supportive, and always pushing for real comedy and stories

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Tone & Atmosphere
Comedic, raucous, unflinchingly honest, and at times emotionally raw. The mix of professional comics, amateurs, and celebrity guests delivers a high-energy, unpredictable vibe that remains deeply supportive of comedic craft and journey.

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For Listeners:
You’ll miss ad reads, but not much else. This episode is a buffet of fresh material, real stories, and top-tier panel banter, exemplifying why Kill Tony holds its place as the #1 live podcast in the world.

Transcript

[A]

Hey, this is Redneck coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill.

[B]

Tony, get up on Tony Hitchcock.

[A]

Who's ready for the best fucking of their lives, huh? Y thanks so much for Brian Red Band, ladies and gentlemen. And that is the best damn band in the land. Fernando Castillo, Raul Valo, Carlos Sosa, Michael Gonzalez, Nachos Belgrande. Matt Muling on the electric guitar. Make some noise for the band. John D's on the keys. And this right here is D Mad in the flesh. Ladies and gentlemen. This episode of the world's number one live podcast is brought to you by Shopify, Talk, Space Prize Picks and Quo. What an amazing show we have for you. You guys excited to be here? Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made tonight's show possible. Are you stuck staring at your W2?

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[D]

Welcome to the end, everybody.

[A]

It's a storytelling show. Me and my comedian friends, we're all telling true and really terrible stories into a toddler's face. Wild threesome time. Regretful.

[E]

Every std.

[A]

Horrible. I'm gonna fuck you up. And amazing stories.

[B]

We just got started.

[A]

I'm gonna stop the terrorists. You're in trouble. Best reality, huh? This is gonna be a good night. It's gonna kill us all.

[D]

Come on.

[A]

About to be F. You should be in jail. Hey, man. Are okay. I actually do well.

[E]

You don't talk to me, okay?

[B]

I'm a disciple of the Lord.

[A]

Kind of missed the spot. How did I get here? How did this happen? That's a good question. You guys ready to start the show? You guys ready to start tonight's show or what? Every single episode I book. And this one is very, very special. Two of my favorite human beings on planet Earth. One is one of the biggest comedians in the world. The other, one of the biggest musicians in the world. Two of my favorite human beings. Two of your favorite human beings. One has a brand new movie coming out this Friday. The other one just won a ton of Grammys. And every award humanly possible known to man. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Kill To. I present to you Theo Vaughn. And Jelly Roll. Yeah. Theo motherfuckin Vaughn. Jelly Roll is in the house. Oh, my God. This is Kill Tony. Busboys, out this Friday. Oh, y. Going down. Ladies and gentlemen, Theo Von's new movie, Busboys, out this Friday, April 17th. Jelly roll and I together are doing the Greek Theater in Los Angeles May 8th. And he's here in Austin on April 23rd. How cool is that? We have some big plans for the future. Theo, you're the fucking man. Welcome back to Kill Tony.

[D]

Yeah, thanks for having me. Nice to see everybody. Happy evening. Yeah, man, I'm excited to be here and yeah. Excited about the movie coming out this week. So that's. That was something. Yeah. So I'm definitely. I'm a little bit nervous, but I am excited and that's what I'm doing.

[A]

We are very excited to have you here. Go out and see the movie Busboys in theaters. If you do more, comedians like Theo will be able to make their own movies without the big giant studios and all this crap and people in the way. And it can happen more often. We'll get back to making real comedies that you can go see in movie theaters. Wouldn't that be great?

[D]

Thank you, guys.

[A]

Go, Theo, go.

[D]

Yeah, we made it ourselves, so we'll see how it is. But it's better than a lot of bad shit.

[A]

That's right. Theo's been on the show numerous times. Jelly Roll has been a musical guest multiple times. But it's Jelly's first time on panel tonight, everybody. This is the first thing he's done since the Gramm.

[E]

Yes.

[F]

Longtime listener, first time caller.

[A]

I love it. Well, let me just remind all of you about 250 human beings signed up to. For the opportunity to be on tonight's show. We're not gonna get through all of them, but if we get through any one of them, they get 60 seconds on this stage to attempt stand up comedy. You know, their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then. Or else eventually they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which just interrupts their set. I conduct an interview. The entire thing is improvised. Anything could happen. Are you guys ready to start tonight's fucking show? Or while we go wrangle that first bucket pole, we're gonna start the show with one of the regulars on the show. That means this young man has the very, very tough job of writing and performing a brand new minute every single week on this show. Not easy at all. It scares a lot of people. The thought of that. And he does it, and above and beyond every week. Starting off tonight's show, he's formally the Dark storm of Atlanta. He's now the dark storm of Austin, Texas. Make some noise for Dedrick Flynn. Every.

[F]

What's up, y'?

[A]

All?

[B]

Did y' all know that a company can buy your debt from somebody else? Jefferson Capital emailed me and they said, hey, we bought your debt from Sprint. You owe us money now. No, nigga, you bought it. That's yours. Now. If I leave a dog outside and you adopt the dog, it's not on me to feed the dog, right? That's not America. That's your dad.

[A]

Now.

[B]

I know Sprint. N. I don't know you. I know Sarah at Sprint. Sarah know why I couldn't pay and why I was putting something on it. Jefferson Capital. Nigga, I can't even Google y'.

[A]

All.

[B]

I'm never gonna. What the. What kind of a stupid ass company buy debt from other people? That's the same niggas that go online and they feed the homeless on HD cameras. What kind of shit you think I'm gonna, Nigga, I see Sprint commercials every day and I go, I owe them niggas. They'll never see it. I don't. How dare you come to me like Jesus didn't. Even when Jesus paid for our sins, that nigga never sent me an email. Being the adultery that you made last week, that's my time I'm taking.

[A]

Wow, he's done it again. A brand new minute 30 working overtime. Dedrick Flynn. How fucking awesome is that? That's as fucking. You have another one. You never take a week off.

[B]

Never.

[A]

And you just keep doing it. Every. Every time I bring you out, I get a little more nervous each time, and I have nothing to be afraid of.

[B]

You gotta let that shit go, don't it? I don't duck no smoke.

[A]

I.

[B]

To come out here and rip every single.

[A]

Absolutely love it, Dedrick. Buying debt is something that happens, yet I've never heard anyone joke about it. Fantastic. New material. Absolutely incredible.

[B]

I'm trying not to cry right now. My bad, Tony.

[G]

Just. Just jelly.

[D]

Nick, Black people love sweets.

[A]

Yeah, we do.

[B]

We do.

[F]

We do.

[B]

Did you dye your hair?

[A]

Oh,

[B]

so it looks like shit on purpose. All right, come on. I'm not doing that. That's a joke. I don't roast.

[A]

Be nice, Dedrick. Be nice to the guests, Dedrick.

[E]

I'm sorry.

[A]

Dedrick's like a pit bull.

[B]

Jelly roll. It mean a lot for me to see you tonight because you do songs and One of my best friends had told me to start doing comedy. Teddy Swims. And we were both just two broke motherfuckers in Southside Atlanta. He told me to start doing comedy. I told him to start doing a band. And now look us to live in our fucking dream. Dad. Shit is crazy to me.

[F]

Teddy is the homie. Homie too. I love you, Teddy baby.

[A]

But yeah, Teddy, that's bad. Help me become friends with Teddi Swim. Since you can't, we.

[B]

It's not my fault I can't. I just never had the opportunity when I wanted to learn. Cause you only want to learn swimming at the early ages. After that, it's just drowning or not drowning, right? And so that. But he wasn't swimming. He was just Teddy. When we was growing up, it was always like Teddy and Daddy, like my homeboy. When I met him, he was Jayton and then he went by Teddy, and it was always like Teddy and Teddy coming out. And like in south side, we were always like running around with the same crews and stuff like that. But he was just singing, like, just. Just like open mic karaoke. And I was like, bro, you have the best voice I've ever heard in my life. You need to do something with it. And when I said that, he said, you're the funniest person I've ever met. You need to do something with it. So that's honestly what kept me going through signing up for kill Tony 39 times. It's just like the day I got picked. When I walked out of the Uber, they were playing loose control and I was crying and being like, if my best friend can make it, I can make it too. We drank the same water, we ate the same food. We fucking grew up in there. It's just a beautiful fucking thing.

[A]

Sounds like a jelly roll.

[H]

Aw.

[A]

Acceptance speech happening.

[F]

Testify, baby, Testify. Gave us a little Jesus.

[B]

Yeah, I give a lot more Jesus than that. I said we was in south Atlanta. We was sitting over there with nowhere to go, drinking the four Locos with the caffeine in it. I said, drinking the four Locos with the caffeine in it. I said, drinking the four Locos.

[A]

We didn't hear you.

[B]

Pastor identified, I said. I said, not a little bit. I'm saying all of the caffeine.

[I]

Wow.

[A]

Unbelievable. Dedrick, you got the show started yet again. Unbelievable work. And it has begun. And now we begin the amazing adventure in to the bucket we go. This is where anything can happen. Could be the next great talent, could be the next crazy person that signed up. For the show without preparing, anything can happen. Make some noise for your first bucket poll of the night. Michael A. Keatson, everybody. Michael A. Keatson.

[G]

You know how embarrassing it is to be named after a Batman and having to hobble out here like the penguin? Oh, man, it's like, it's an interesting life. Like, so many people, like, they assume that they know what my politics are going to be. Just, they're like, look at this guy. It was like, he has to lean, right? Oh, man, you guys are fun. I became a homeowner recently.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[G]

Thank you.

[J]

Thank you.

[G]

It's a RAV4. Oh, man. I live in it, so it's more of a RAV4.

[A]

Okay.

[G]

Oh. I'm getting older in my life. Like, you know, I've gotten to the point, I think, like, my favorite candy now are cough drops. You know, they're just menthol flavor jolly ranchers. You know, I've hit the point in my life where it's like, I'm pretty sure the only reason I masturbate is for prostate health. You know, like, my partner walks in on me. He's like, what are you thinking about? I'm just sitting there like cancer.

[H]

All right, thank you.

[D]

It.

[A]

Hell yeah. Michael A. Keatson, this is your Kil Tony debut, correct?

[G]

Yes.

[A]

I'd remember if I've seen you before. Theo, what do you think about this guy?

[D]

Yeah, I think he's great. I think. Sorry, that's just a reaction. Let me think what I. No, I think it's crazy to have a wooden leg and look like a guy who could make a wooden leg.

[A]

Yeah. You do have cobbler energies. There's no doubt about it.

[E]

Oh, man.

[D]

They.

[E]

You.

[A]

What's your injury?

[G]

A lot of them, actually.

[A]

Okay.

[G]

Like, you know, it's like, I've got snap fashion one foot, like, you know, like, spinal injury, shoulder scarring, a bunch of things.

[A]

How did this all happen to you?

[D]

Were you in sports or something?

[G]

I did heavy, heavy manual labor for a long time.

[A]

What kind of manual labor?

[D]

Probably building data centers.

[A]

Absolutely.

[G]

No, I, like, I threw mattresses for a while, and after that, I worked in a flour mill throwing flower bags and, like, whatever else they needed.

[A]

Wow. Amazing.

[D]

What, were you at a bakery?

[B]

Oh, no.

[D]

Who was asking you to do that? I'm sorry, Tony.

[A]

No, it's good.

[D]

But who was asking you to do that?

[G]

Oh, like, whoever managed the flour mill.

[A]

Your partner, Luigi?

[G]

Yes. He was jumping around too much. It was hell.

[A]

Yeah. How old are you?

[G]

41.

[A]

41.

[D]

You look great. Man.

[G]

Thank you.

[A]

Yeah. What do you do now?

[G]

I limp. All right.

[K]

Like.

[G]

Like I'm. I'm on a disability.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Dude, how long you been doing stand up?

[D]

You know that, bro? How many people. How many people in your neighborhood was getting that wobble? Check it, bro. They fucking used to take one of my buddy's eyes closed till it didn't work. And then they got that check on him, bro. Everybody was getting that dummy check, and

[F]

he could have just threw flour bags.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[D]

Sorry. Carry on.

[G]

But, yeah, right. But, yeah, about six years.

[A]

About six years you've been doing stand up where at?

[G]

Kansas City.

[A]

Okay. That's where you live?

[K]

Yep.

[A]

What made you set up camp in Kansas City?

[G]

I was born and raised.

[L]

Yeah.

[A]

It's okay. You have family there still?

[G]

Absolutely, yes.

[A]

Your family loves you, I hope. What ethnicity are you?

[G]

I'm white.

[A]

And what made them name you Michael if your last name's Keaton? Did they just think it was funny or something?

[G]

I. I was born before that guy was famous. That's not even his real name. His real name is Michael Douglas.

[A]

He's 41. You're 41?

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mr. Mom was out, right?

[C]

Yeah, Mr.

[A]

Mom. Yeah.

[J]

It was a huge movie.

[A]

Yeah. Your parents are with you. Michael Keaton was one of the most famous people. Exactly. When you were born.

[D]

Right.

[G]

They don't exactly have their thumb on the pulse, man.

[A]

Right. Okay. All right. So what do you do for fun, Michael A. Keaton? You have any hobbies? You look like the kind of guy that has a wild collection of denim hats or something like that.

[G]

I can only afford the one. No, I like pretty much at this point, it's just stand up. Like, I did music for a long time, but I've got nerve damage in my hands, so I had to give that up.

[A]

You were playing guitar or whatever. Yeah. So what did you sing when you did music as well? No, no, no.

[G]

Like, I have terrible, like, anxieties. Like.

[A]

Like.

[G]

Like the. The coming to the microphone is, like, a big deal for me.

[D]

How much nerve damage you got?

[A]

Good question.

[D]

Everybody's wondering. I'm going to ask it. Like, can you shuffle cards or whatever? How much are you talking.

[G]

Oh, I don't like enough. I had to quit playing. It was.

[D]

Yeah, I'm sorry, man.

[G]

Yeah, it's fine. Like, you know, this is way more fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

What can you do that you're grateful that you can still do?

[D]

Yeah, that's a good question.

[G]

Eat.

[A]

Okay.

[M]

Yeah.

[D]

Another eating disabled person, huh?

[A]

Yeah. So what. How'd you end up in Austin, Texas, tonight? You come down for this or like.

[G]

Yeah, like, there's, like, there's only so much opportunity in Kansas City. It's like, you know, I came down to, like, you know, check out the scene. I really like the people here.

[A]

Did you drive or take a bus?

[G]

I live in a corner car.

[A]

You live in a car?

[K]

Yeah. Yeah.

[G]

The RAV4 thing was. Was real.

[A]

Okay. Amazing. Well, that's fun. You sleep in the back seat or do you tilt back the driver's seat?

[G]

I built a bed in the back.

[A]

Wow. Look at you, Palace. You ever bring a girl back to the RAV4?

[G]

It would destroy.

[A]

Would what?

[G]

It would destroy it.

[F]

Well, it depends on how big she is.

[G]

Yeah, I'm big enough.

[L]

Fair.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

And do you lay in there and what if. You ever lay in there and listen to Jelly Roll? You listen to some Jelly Roll up in there, you know?

[E]

Well, that was the question I had.

[F]

Do you know any Tech 9 songs?

[G]

Yeah.

[D]

Like.

[G]

Like, I'm a big fan of your.

[F]

So if I go K. Simo.

[A]

Oh, respect.

[N]

All right. I fuck with that.

[A]

Just short enough of a song that we don't get dinged by YouTube. Perfect. Michael A. Keaton, fun times. You did it. You got through it. You're leaving here with a big joke book. Congratulations, Michael A. Keaton, ladies and gentlemen. And we're gonna keep it moving along. Hell, yeah. There's the lovely Heidi and Val, ladies and gentlemen. Amazing. Whoa. Oh. It's gonna be the most watched part of the episode right there. How about one more time for Heidi and Val, Their podcast Love on the line, [e-mail] and the show goes on. Hello there, our dear friends. This podcast is sponsored by Shopify. Starting something new isn't just hard, it's terrifying. So much work goes into everything and anything that you're not. Not entirely sure it will work out. I mean, look at this show. And it can be a leap of faith to start something crazy. I mean, when I started this podcast, I was thinking, what if no one listens? What if I make a fool out of myself? Now I know that I was right about all that because that has happened and it can happen to you. It also helps when you have a partner like Shopify on your side to help redban Tony. I love Shopify. It's the best business tool on earth. Get started with your own design studio. With hundreds of ready to use templates, Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store and master matches your brand style. Plus, get the word out like you're having a marketing team behind you. Easily create email and social media campaigns wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling. And best yet, Shopify is your commerce expert. With world class expertise in everything from managing inventory to international shipping to processing returns and beyond, it's time to turn those what ifs into with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com kill Tony go to shopify.com kill Tony that's shopify.com kill Tony hello there. This podcast is sponsored by taco's yeehoo. Anywhere worth going is worth going in good boots. Find your perfect pair with Tacobas. They're crafting quality western boots for everyone from generational ranchers and lifelong cowboys to first time boot buyers. And their in store experience is unparalleled with expert staff and complimentary beverages and customizations to Koba says boots for the season. Weddings, concerts, outdoor festival work events, Kill Tony episodes. Whatever. From premium apparel to elevated leather goods like wallets, belts and more, everything at Taco Vis is crafted with the same attention to detail and timeless style. So reset your wardrobe with craftsmanship. You can see and feel the moment you put it on. Red band. Oh Tony, I feel so comfortable in my to Covas. I wear them all the time. Shot to Cova's Western goods online@tokova's.com or swing by a to Cova store for the full experience with free drinks, boot shines and complimentary boot branding to make your pair feel personal. Right now, get 10 off at tacobus.com kill Tony when you sign up for email and text, that's 10 off at t e c o v a s.com KelTony to covis.com kill Tony c site for details to Covas Point your toes west on your next poll. We know her. Funny lady goes by the name of Sherry Basici everybody. Sherry Basiji.

[I]

Thank you. Oh my God. Did you guys see that homeless woman with her tits Hanging out on 6th Street?

[A]

Yeah.

[I]

Wearing a mask. Yeah. I said what are you a democrat? So I am originally. I am originally from Iran, Nebraska.

[A]

Yeah.

[I]

I was at the airport and I don't know if you've seen that sign that says no guns allowed in the airplane. Yeah. You know that same sign in the Middle east reads no stones allowed in the airplane. But AK47 is okay because those virgins can get out of control. I got guns in my head and it won't go. Spirits in my head and it won't go I got guns and then another sign right under that that reads, not responsible for lost limbs. I got guns in my head and it won't go. Oh, you missed the stone. Oh, you missed me.

[A]

All right. Sherry. Baseji. Welcome back. Sherry. Theo.

[D]

Yeah. You know, I was wondering what had happened to Mia. You look lovely and I like a lot of the stuff and.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

And I am honestly tickled to see you.

[A]

It's amazing. Sherry, remind us how long you been on stand up?

[I]

This may will be three years.

[A]

Three years. And you are Iranian, correct?

[I]

Yes.

[A]

So how do you feel about everything that's happening here? How do you feel about.

[D]

Let's be honest here, Sherry. Let's get honest.

[A]

Yeah. Sherry, tell us the truth. How do you feel about us lighting up your country?

[I]

Well, I think they're doing it for the freedom.

[A]

That is true. That's what we say.

[D]

Does it feel like that's what's happening or does it feel like what's happening now?

[I]

It's blowing up in my ass now. It's for the right reasons. And I think there's always going to be casualty when you know you're trying to do that. This is 47 years in the making. So I'm excited for the freedom that's about to come.

[A]

Yes, without a doubt. See, that's what happens when you check in with a real Iranian instead of the local news.

[I]

Right.

[A]

And you visited there. You go there sometimes.

[I]

My immediate family's here. After my mom passed away, I just no longer had a reason to go back.

[A]

Right. How did your mom pass away?

[I]

No, my grandma. My mom is here.

[B]

Yeah.

[M]

Okay.

[D]

But who killed her? You're saying if it's Israel, it's Israel.

[A]

Yeah.

[I]

My mom's alive.

[D]

She's still alive.

[I]

My mom is.

[A]

Grandma, we're asking about Grandma. She died. Natural causes.

[I]

Yeah.

[D]

I am sitting down.

[A]

Okay. So, Sherry, where do you live now? Austin.

[I]

Yeah.

[A]

And you just do stand up for a living or.

[I]

I'm not doing it for a living, but I would love to.

[A]

But so how. What do you do for a.

[E]

A living?

[I]

I do paral. Work from home.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, Very cool.

[I]

Just very convenient, Paral. Yeah.

[A]

Pair airplanes hit our towers a few years ago. For people like you.

[I]

Guilty as charged.

[A]

Remember that? I love it. Sherry, what do you do for fun? Tell us all what you do for fun.

[I]

Not much. I mean, I. I need to put myself out there and start dating. But just keep.

[A]

You are an Iranian mountain cougar. A very rare bird.

[I]

That's right. I like tall, white, younger men.

[A]

Yeah, listen, you like younger men? Right.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Incred.

[D]

Whoa.

[A]

Whoa.

[I]

But I did just recently join a Middle Eastern dating app. Yeah, it's called, uh. Oh, guess who.

[A]

Amazing. You're adorable. Sherry. Last date you went on, what was that like?

[K]

What?

[A]

Well, your. The last date that you went on. Last time you hung out with a man. Last time you let someone into your sandpaper.

[I]

It was weird. We had interest, and we kissed, and then I kind of waited and waited and he waited. And it feels like the. The interest just kind of dissipated. Like, if you don't move on it, there's a window that opens and then it closes. So you got to move fast.

[A]

Yes, absolutely.

[I]

And this bit. And this bitch is old, so I didn't move fast enough.

[D]

That's okay.

[I]

What are you saying?

[D]

No, I'm saying. I'm just. That's okay.

[I]

Ye.

[D]

You're fine. He's. He's probably fine wherever he is.

[I]

Yeah.

[D]

I don't know. Buck him, to be honest with you, but he's probably a great guy.

[I]

Yeah.

[D]

So I'm gonna sit back down.

[A]

Where'd you guys make out at? In a car. At your places?

[I]

No, just whatever show that we were doing at the end. We kissed.

[A]

Stuff. Yeah.

[I]

And then we kissed again. Sometimes we kiss.

[A]

Okay.

[I]

Yeah.

[A]

Look at that. That's good. Incredible. Absolutely. Sherry, any other fun facts about you that we would find interesting?

[B]

Nah.

[D]

Really?

[A]

Nothing.

[I]

Digging and digging. There's just not.

[A]

It's the craziest thing you have in your refrigerator.

[I]

What's the greatest thing.

[A]

Craziest thing you have in your refrigerator that we would find odd? Like me, right now, at this very moment. I have pickled carrots. Pickled jalapenos. Pickled pickles. There's a pickling guy at the local farmer's market.

[D]

Market.

[A]

And I have a lot of pickled things in my fridge. An odd amount of pickled things. Now it's your turn.

[I]

Soy chicken.

[A]

It's good. Soy sauce on chicken. Let's check in with our senior refrigerator correspondent. Jelly roll.

[F]

Did you say soy chicken or soul chicken?

[I]

No, soy chicken. Like fake chicken.

[F]

Soul chicken.

[D]

I thought you said sword chicken.

[A]

Yeah, I thought you said, like, sword fish.

[I]

No soy.

[A]

Wait, what's your all Chicken is soul chicken. Right? All right.

[F]

What's your favorite kind of music?

[I]

My favorite kind of what?

[F]

Music.

[I]

Music. Oh, house music.

[C]

Whoa.

[A]

Look at that. Whoa. Yeah. Wow. Oh. Oh, my goodness. All right, that's enough. Okay, that's. That's enough. That's enough. Sherry. Fun times. You did good. You're leaving here with a brown joke book. Just like you. Boom.

[D]

Whoa.

[A]

Good catch, Sherry.

[I]

Thank you.

[A]

Wow, she made eye contact with me on that catch. Theo. Theo's a sweet boy. Make some noise for your next bucket pool. We're going to meet them all together. It's Ethan Griggs, everybody. Ethan. Ethan Griggs. All right. Woo.

[C]

How we doing, man? The end of the day, I'm just a hick ass farmer from Cattle Mills, Texas. And the thing about it is, if you know anything about farmers, the only reason they have kids is to like carry on the farm and the cheap farm labor. Well, I was an only child and a fuck up at that. So when my dad died, that's why the farm failed. Now I'm out here doing comedy, fucking that up too. It's crazy though. We were so broke that when my dad died, all I inherited was a porn collection. And here's the thing, I used to buy my dad porn. So I've already seen a third of this collection and I don't have enough bodily fluids for the other 2/3 of this collection. I'll be damned if I'm going to rehab for masturbation addiction. That's like getting cancer from vaping. That's just fucking embarrassing. Like, can't even raise my hand. Cause it's busy like shit. But I'll tell you what though. I don't.

[F]

I don't think.

[C]

I don't think I'll make it in stand up comedy though, man. I had a very untraumatic childhood. Like, I didn't get molested cause I wasn't in the Church of the Scouts. And the only relative that might have molested me was too busy fucking goats to give me the time of day. I can't compete with sheep's pussy, nor would I want to. I guess that's my time. I heard a little meow, so.

[A]

All right, right on. Our second preacher of the night.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Ethan Griggs.

[C]

Exactly.

[A]

Welcome. Me.

[C]

Is this really jelly roll holy man. Nice to meet you.

[F]

I felt the same way when you walked up. I was like, my people are here.

[A]

Hell yeah.

[F]

You started talking about being poor and drug addiction. I was like, he's my kind of guy.

[A]

Hell yeah.

[F]

And then you said you bought your dad porn and I was out.

[C]

Yeah. Good to meet you, Killer. Killer said, thank you, sir, I appreciate that.

[A]

Welcome. Where is Cattle Mills? Texas?

[C]

It's about an hour northeast of Dallas.

[A]

How long you been trying stand up?

[C]

Collectively, five years. Like, I did it a little bit before the pandemic and I got back into it about 2023. Started taking it seriously and.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

So now I'm here. I guess so.

[A]

Theo. Yeah.

[D]

You look great. I like. I'm happy to see you.

[C]

Oh, thank you. Oh, Theo Von's here too.

[A]

Yeah, I was right here, James.

[D]

Now you really are dumb.

[A]

I am. I never seen nobody before in Cattle Mills. I'm not used to seeing nobody of any status whatsoever.

[C]

I'm not.

[A]

Nobody molests me. I don't get to see celebrities. What do you do for work? How long?

[D]

I'll tell you what he does. He's a sorcerer. He's a freaking. He's a rural businessman. He looks like he sells used car money.

[H]

Ma.

[C]

Yes, pretty much.

[A]

Close. Very close.

[C]

I work at a Circle K, actually.

[A]

Do you really?

[F]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

I love it there.

[C]

Hell yeah. You look like the kind of customer that would come in at a Circle K. Yeah, dude.

[D]

We used to spend time in that. We wouldn't just come in and just do our and and dip. We would come in and spend time with y.

[C]

Most people just don't know how to leave. Like they'd be in there for 30 minutes just figuring out how to work the coffee machine.

[F]

Do they hang out in the parking lot too?

[C]

Oh, yeah, dude. Well, the other night somebody shut the fucking pumps off and shit. It fucked me all kinds of up. I didn't know what the hell was going on. It's like, why the hell y' all put this out in the front? You know, any motherfucker can touch it.

[D]

And they got a lot of gay dudes running up in there too.

[A]

They do?

[B]

No.

[F]

I almost saw.

[C]

I almost saw a bunk fight with a trans and a homeless person. It was crazy.

[A]

They have trans and cattle mills, Texas.

[C]

No, this is in Austin. Oh, okay. I've been in Austin for over nine years. No, they didn't have that in Cattle Mills.

[D]

Talking about gays, right? Talking about the whole. These remodels.

[F]

That's all the same to me.

[C]

I don't know, bro.

[K]

You don't.

[D]

You don't even know he was here, bro. You. Bro, you could be 2 inches.

[C]

I couldn't believe. Hey, there's so many look alike celebrities in this city.

[D]

I guess just some I never know.

[C]

Hell yeah.

[D]

No, man, I'm just joking with you. And it's nice to see you. And yeah, they got a lot of gay dudes out there trying to get that fake CPR out out there.

[C]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

That's crazy. It's rough out here. So what did you do for work before the Circle K?

[C]

I worked at a television station.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

Cbs And Telemundo.

[A]

Oh my goodness.

[C]

Yeah, I just. I recently quit that job this month and I tried to get a. I tried to do a sales job and I sucked at that and so I decided to quit that and then just do Circle K. Circle K. And then now I got. I deliver laundry too.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So I got all kinds of whatever makes money. I don't know.

[A]

Know what do your parents and Cattle Mills do for work when they're not for a picture with a pitchfork in front of the house?

[C]

Yeah, my dad's dead. Yeah, my dad's dead too.

[F]

Theo.

[D]

The going.

[A]

My dad's alive. Had a heart attack last week. But he's good. My dad's cool.

[F]

He's cool.

[C]

And my mom, I don't really know what she. She does something with insurance. I don't exactly know what the. She works from home, so she wasn't a farmer, though.

[D]

But she's a good woman, though.

[C]

Oh, yeah, she's very great.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

She'll be down here this weekend. So for each going to.

[D]

Do y' all going to celebrate, go out to dinner, go out to lunch or something.

[C]

She going to cook. She going to cook for the. My adopted family and the. My homegirl, Carly, who I live with. And so.

[A]

Okay, say home girl. What exactly do you mean?

[C]

That's just cuz we're white and we sound black. I don't know what to say.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

How old are you? I'm guessing 27 to 52.

[A]

Yeah, there's somewhere.

[F]

You know what?

[C]

You're right on the money. I'm 34. Wow.

[D]

Wow.

[A]

Amazing.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So the homegirl is your girlfriend?

[C]

No, she's my. My friend. My landlady too. My sister from a different mister. You know.

[A]

You live with your landlady?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But you're not banging.

[C]

No.

[A]

But the lady that you are banging is coming to town and cooking for you.

[C]

No, that's my mother. I ain't that. Hey, I'm from the country. I ain't inbred like that.

[D]

But you go for some of that dark meat, huh?

[C]

Oh, I do. Yeah. I like my women like I like my trucks. Large and big.

[A]

Black. Really? Is that she a real lady?

[F]

Unless she 280.

[D]

You'll go walking in the dark, huh?

[A]

Hell yeah.

[C]

Hell yeah. I like that.

[A]

It's very surprising. How many black women do you think you've been with?

[C]

I lost my virginity to a black woman.

[A]

Wow. Where was that at?

[C]

Cattle Mills, ironically enough.

[A]

Cattle Mills?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Where in Cattle Mills exactly?

[C]

I mean, it's just a small town. So it's just, you know, at a neighbor's house.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

I thought you said General Mills.

[A]

Dude, I'm like, where?

[C]

Yeah, no, cattle. C, A, D, D, O. Like the Indians.

[D]

Cattle.

[C]

See, a lot of people think I say cattle because I don't know how to talk either.

[D]

And they're lying.

[A]

They're.

[D]

Or they're. They're not lying, but they're. Or they are. They don't know what they're talking about.

[C]

Yeah, that's true.

[A]

Hell yeah. Right on. Ethan, any other. Anything else crazy we should know about you before getting you out of here?

[C]

Ah, I don't know. We'd be here all night if I tell you all the crazy that I've done.

[A]

How about any thing? Anything. One thing.

[C]

One thing.

[F]

Ever been to jail?

[C]

I have once. Yeah. I got a DWI back in December. So my.

[F]

Like, four months ago.

[O]

Yeah.

[A]

All right.

[D]

Back in 1980. December.

[C]

Not my proudest moment, but you know, I'm dealing with it.

[D]

Whose fault was it? Was it yours or was it someone else?

[C]

It was mine. Yeah, I. I was blackout drunk. I don't remember most of it.

[A]

What happened?

[C]

Like I said, I let you know. I don't remember leaving my buddy's house to waking up in a hospital bed cuffed to it. But luckily nobody was hurt.

[A]

What did you wreck into?

[C]

Two park cars.

[A]

Wow.

[D]

Oh, yeah. One for the plug and one for the low, right?

[A]

Yeah, that's what it was.

[F]

Yeah.

[G]

Yep.

[D]

I'll tell you this, bro. One time. Yeah, sorry.

[A]

No, go for it. Let's do it.

[D]

I'm leaving this bar and I. I was driving a Honda Accord or whatever and. Cuz I was having kind of a tough time or whatever and anyway, I go get in my car. There's a cop car right next to it. I go get in it and then I'm looking in there, I'm like, there's a baby seat in my car. And I'm like thinking, oh, somebody snuck in here with their baby, Right? I got in the wrong car. There's a cop right next to me in his car. He's kind of looking over at me. And now I'm like trying to. I can't start this car. Not mine.

[C]

Damn.

[D]

So I had to pop the hood, dude, this cop's looking under the hood with me of somebody else's car.

[C]

Damn. And I thought my was bad.

[D]

Dude came out, he's like, what the y' all doing? I was like, I'm just helping this officer. They. Yeah, so that's what I'm saying, blm. Homie.

[A]

That's right.

[C]

Hell yeah.

[A]

That's right. Thank you, Ethan Griggs. You're leaving here with a medium joke, but congratulations.

[F]

Thank you very much.

[A]

Ethan Griggs, everybody. All right, Theo, you don't have to get up for all these people, but I ain't never seen nothing like this before. Theo Jelly Roll. Good night, everybody. Oh, shit, look at that. People are gonna be like, what?

[D]

Wow.

[A]

Theo Jelly Roll and Woody Harrelson's gay son were all in the same place at the same time. This podcast is sponsored by Zip Recruiter. Did you know that the average employer has to sort through roughly 250 resumes per job opening? Talk about timec consuming. Well, if you're hiring, here's good news. You can now review all of these resumes and applications faster, thanks to Zip Recruiter. Zip Recruiter has a new feature that instantly shows you the most interested qualified candidates first. And today you can try it for free at ZipRecruiter.com kill Tony Redband Tony I love ZipRecruiter. It's the best hiring site around. ZipRecruiter's powerful matching technology finds qualified candidates quickly. And with ZipRecruiter's new feature, qualified candidates who are very interested in your job show up at the top of the list. That's right. You also get a feel for their personality. Candidates can tell you in their own words why they're interested in your job. So cut through the stand standard and get to the standouts. With ZipRecruiter, four out of five employers who post on Zipper Cooter get a quality candidate within the first day. And now you can try it for [e-mail] Kill Tony that's ziprecruiter.com Kill Tony Meet your match on Zip Recruiter. This podcast is sponsored by BlueChew. Guys, the future of erectile function is here. Bluechew Gold is changing the way millions of men are having sex in 2026. The new arousal boosting formula combines passion and performance into one tablet that dissolves under your tongue for super fast onset. No more waiting for a pill to kick in, just the results you want when you want them most. ED meds only focus on blood flow, but bluechu Gold goes further by combining two ingredients for blood flow with two for mental arousal and connection. So you're not just physically ready, you are actually in the mood. This type of innovation is why bluechew Gold is the number one brand in Erectile. Functionally, the process is simple and all online get started [e-mail] and go for the gold red band.

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[L]

What's up? I'm trying to talk to more women now, but it should be good because I don't have autism because I've never been tested, and I think that's how you beat it. I think it's the only cure I've heard of. But my brother, he got tested, right? So they got him, and you can't give it back. People always, they're like, does he have it full on? I'm like, well, it's not part time. It's not weekends. Hit the club Monday. Back to puzzles. I did try to get tested, too, when I was in Canada, where it's free there, but they're busy, so they, you know, they phone me back. They're like, sorry, sir, the wait time is seven years. I was like, what the f. To find out if I have autism. Seven years?

[A]

No, that's 3,000, 461 days. No, no, I can't do that. That's a Tuesday. No, Tuesday is when the train comes. Yeah, that's why.

[L]

Thank you, guys.

[A]

Unbelievable. Charles Hawk. Welcome. Welcome, my friend. What a rock star you are. How long you been doing stand up?

[L]

I've been doing it for 12 years.

[A]

Yeah, man. Where at?

[L]

Canada? In Edmonton, Alberta.

[A]

Okay. Hell, yeah.

[D]

Dude, what's your name? Have we ever met before?

[L]

Not, dude. I've never met you. My name is Charles.

[D]

Charles Theo.

[L]

It's a pleasure.

[D]

Thanks. Yeah, I thought maybe I'd met you before because I used to do a lot of shows up there and I thought maybe we had met one time.

[L]

Oh, okay. Cool. You Meet a lot of guys. Like me.

[K]

Me.

[B]

I don't know.

[D]

It happens, bro, I'm not even gay, okay? I am a guy who likes women. Dude, you should see some of the drawings in my diary.

[L]

I'm flattered. That's all, you know?

[D]

No, I thought that we had met before, though. I'm 100 serious with you. I thought we had met once.

[L]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[D]

Well, so good to see you.

[A]

All right. Okay. Very good. One note.

[D]

Be honest, though, if you was gay, bro, because we don't know.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I mean, would you smash this little beetle muffin over here?

[A]

I mean, well, we're like. I think we're both bottoms, so, like, those batteries don't go that way.

[D]

You know what I mean?

[A]

They have to go along the same way.

[L]

You can't have two super gay guys.

[A]

Never mind, dude.

[D]

Whatever, dude.

[A]

Yeah, I love it. Charles, tell us about your life up in Canada.

[L]

My life in Canada? Well, I moved to Texas this last year.

[A]

Oh, nice. Congratulations.

[L]

Thank you, sir.

[A]

You got citizenship and everything?

[L]

No, I do not. But I have papers. I do have papers. Papers.

[A]

Okay.

[L]

I'm hoping to get permanent papers later, but, yeah, Canada is a. Is a good time. And I finally started dating a female girl.

[D]

Nice.

[A]

Tell us about that. How's that going?

[L]

It's going good. I had a dry spell for, like, nine years.

[D]

Whoa.

[A]

That's very dry.

[L]

Yeah. And it was rough. Like, the only girl I had a crush on during that was I met an Amish girl. And the only place you can find them is, like, when they're selling furniture. And then she was great, but getting their drawers, huh?

[A]

Sorry.

[D]

And that's not even a real joke. I just read that somewhere on the fucking in the back of my brain, and I was like, who wrote this?

[O]

Some.

[D]

Or whatever.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Anyway, carry on. I'm sorry, dude, I'm honestly interrupting you. It's not. It's not very nice.

[A]

It's great.

[D]

I am sorry.

[A]

It's great. We love it.

[L]

Yeah. I had to pretend that, you know, I was interested in their $17,000 drawers, but the Amish, they're pretty pricey. But. And then I waited nine years, and then I met a girl who's not Amish, so I'm allowed to date her, but.

[A]

Hell, yeah, she's.

[D]

And what was it about the Amish that was bringing you over there, Ken?

[A]

I ask him that? Yeah, absolutely.

[D]

What was it about? Have you spin. Have you seen a lot of Amish? I haven't seen that many Amish before. I've met Amish. I'VE Met probably maybe 11Amish people in my whole life.

[F]

Okay. Cast it with two of them, I think.

[A]

Exactly. I've seen clips of that one.

[L]

How is that allowed? Is that not against their whole.

[F]

Well, they wouldn't know, I don't reckon.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[L]

They look to find out. Okay. Okay.

[D]

They just think they're just talking in, like, a weird shape or something.

[A]

Yeah,

[L]

but don't you feel like you're soiling their existence a little bit by exposing them to the world you were

[F]

trying to fuck one.

[A]

Yeah, dude.

[F]

Bro, you don't playin f you don't shame Theo.

[D]

Yeah, dude.

[I]

Yeah.

[D]

Don't furniture shame me, dude.

[A]

You're over here playing let's hide in

[D]

the back of Narnia closet or whatever. Let me take you to see my lion. Let me show you that pants ad nan or whatever.

[A]

Did you make an attempt? What was the best attempt you made at hooking up with the Amish girl?

[L]

Yeah, I was scared off of me because I was talking to her and I made her laugh. And then, like, four of her dad showed up immediately. They have so many dads. And they. They looked at me like there's no fucking chance.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[L]

So I got the heck out of there.

[A]

But you can only fuck them during Rump Rumple Springer or whatever it's called. There's Red Band, everybody. If you're wondering what it sounds like when he talks. There you go, Rumple Spring, everyone. There's some degenerates in the crowd, some Die hard Red Band fans. There you go, Rumple Spring, everybody. It's your Doritos joke of the night, everyone. Amazing Charles, what else about you? You seem like a guy that's got a. An interesting complex life.

[L]

Well, I still in Canada to make money. I go and I have a Yo yo company.

[A]

O. I knew there was something. See, Theo, you looked at me funny there. But it's got a Yo yo company. You were right.

[L]

We just. We just got canceled recently, though, so we're not making money this year.

[A]

Oh, no. Well, that company, probably. I'd imagine that industry has a lot of ups and downs. Yeah, I think.

[D]

Yeah,

[A]

it's no Rumple Spring, but it'll do for now. Amazing. So the yo yo company got canceled or just went out of business?

[L]

No, I got like. So, like, our manufacturer was in America.

[A]

You're manufactured?

[L]

Yeah. Dude, I sound pretty sick when I say that.

[D]

It does sound good. I want to know more about it. I do. I really do, man. Sorry my attitude's been weird today.

[A]

No, but Probably.

[L]

Yeah. No, we had. We had Americans make our shit. But the thing is, in America, like, the yo yo scene is kind of run by, I guess you'd call it the. The woke yo yo mob. You guys know about this, right?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[L]

So. And they're also autistic. So, like, imagine.

[A]

Yeah, we have one. Come on. Come on up here.

[D]

Cole.

[A]

No, come on. Come on around. Yeah, the Wave. We have a. We have a Yo yo guy. We have a yo yo guy that actually knows your company.

[L]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

One of our main people do a little Yo Yo Cole.

[D]

Hell yeah.

[A]

There he is. It's unbelievable. Ladies and gentlemen. What are the odds? One of the greatest yo yoers in the world happens to be a five year veteran employee of the Kil Tony enterprise. Right when you think this podcast doesn't get any cooler, we yo yo. Amazing. Look at that, Charles. You're awesome, dude. Come back anytime. We'll see you soon. Charles Haycock, everybody. There he goes.

[D]

Kelly.

[A]

All right, we have a. We have a special treat, ladies and gentlemen, a special treat for you. This man is making his Kill Tony debut. He's an Internet sensation. You very likely follow him on Instagram. Very funny, man. Make some noise for Lil Mozzarella. Everybody is Kill Tony debut.

[E]

Watch out, mouth.

[A]

Shut the. Up in the back.

[E]

Stay put. I'm from New York City. I don't know. You guys act like you don't understand me, but I can speak any language. I look at somebody who's Spanish. Where are you? I throw one word at you. What's up? Let me get a bacon, egg and cheese poppy. You know, people do it to Italians all the time. They come to little Lily and they start acting Italian. The guy's got freckles. And let me get a chicken colored parmesan. Fresh mozzarella red peppers. Tell you, Sister G. And I said, how you guy's Norwegian. You know where you never do it, though. You never see nobody go to Chinese restaurants to act in Chinese. No Lay Ho Mao, let me get a pork fried rice. Don't forget the wonton soup. They don't do it. They get disrespectful. They start yelling, where's my pork fried rice? They think you can understand them if you talk loud. You know they're disrespectful. See, I always show them respect. Like, let's say, for instance, I go, like, for a steak, I bring the bones home and I bring it to the restaurant for the dog to bury the yard. How you doing? I was gonna say they ate the Dog. But then I said, somebody might fuck me up out here. I see a couple Asians. Kim Jong Un's over there. What's up, Mo? How does it feel to never ride a roller coaster?

[A]

Lil Mozzarella, ladies and gentlemen, making his Kilto debut. Very funny. Lots of energy. Oh, just. He just hit the. He just hit the hardware.

[E]

I drove 20 hours to get here.

[D]

Did you really? Hooray, everybody.

[A]

Lil Mo, you are the man.

[D]

Good to see you tonight, man. You really enjoy 20 hours to get here?

[E]

No, I drove about six.

[D]

I like that, though.

[E]

I was in Oklahoma. The food there sucks, bro. They eat testicles. You know anybody from Oklahoma? They eat testicles.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

And they eat it like two grapes. I won't even eat a fucking hot dog in front of people. You know they eat that. It's called lamb something. Look it up.

[A]

Yeah, lamb.

[E]

Yeah, It's a thing. Chachi BT it.

[A]

Unbelievable.

[D]

Look it up.

[A]

This is the real. This is. This guy's. This is how he is in real life.

[E]

I was in Oklahoma. I drove here. Listen, I got a rental car. This fucking rental car says 29 miles or whatever per gallon. I thought that that was how much gas I had. I ran out of gas. I didn't know what to do. I called the Uber. I says, come over here. I'm going to give you $100. Go get the tank and come here and look out for me. He goes, how do you know I could trust you? I said, I'm a degenerate gamble. I'm taking a shot.

[A]

Let me tell you my history with Lil Mo. I can't remember what or why or how, but we were all out one night, me, him, and Shane. And Shane's like, you got to meet my friend.

[D]

Friend.

[A]

This is Lil Mo. And he was like this, right? And I'm like, this guy's not even real. And then after about five or 10 minutes, we hung out the rest of the night. He had me absolutely cracking up. You smoke?

[E]

I don't even smoke pot.

[A]

You don't?

[E]

I'm looking forward to smoking pot again tonight.

[A]

Yeah. You're going to smoke pot tonight?

[E]

I don't. I go into the table. I get anxiety.

[D]

Did you. Did you smoke it a lot when you were.

[A]

Oh, God. Oh, God, a little. Lil Mo's about to be eating bull testicles in Oklahoma, too.

[E]

Charlie was an engineer. A lot of it. What are you on the Ozempic? I'm on the Manjaro. How you doing, Theo?

[D]

Manjaro. Sounds Italian.

[J]

I know.

[E]

You know how you say air Conditioning, Italian.

[D]

You used to sell h air conditioning.

[E]

I used to do air conditioning. That's what I did for a living.

[D]

Oh yeah? My cousin worked in H vac for a while.

[E]

Does he?

[D]

Yeah, he did.

[E]

Is he the helper or is he the mechanic?

[D]

He's dead, he passed away way.

[E]

Oh, he did?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

You know when you work blue collar was. Yeah. He would get in there, you know,

[E]

he go, you say a condition in time. You say it could dish it. And dish is that you're saying?

[A]

Tell us more about

[E]

is staring at me. He's a jinx, this guy.

[D]

Yeah, this from the past over here.

[A]

We, you know, we always have all these different shapes and sizes of characters. I'm Italian. I don't sound like you. I'm not from New York. I'm from.

[E]

Let me tell you something. You had some guy on the other day had a gabagool shirt. Yeah, he was a fake Italian.

[A]

I saw that.

[E]

That's what made me come. Yeah, I said, you need the real thing.

[A]

And that's what I was just going to say is we never get any real Italians.

[E]

Nobody does. They act Italian. There's no real one. I'm the only one left.

[A]

Tell us more, teach us some more. It's true. It really is true. There's nothing my. Me and this guy sat at the end of a bar cracking up for hours. Cuz I couldn't get enough of it. It's who he really is. Give us some more of your Italian New York wisdom, lil mouth.

[E]

If you don't speak Italian, all you need to know how to do is say this. What do you want to do? How you doing? I don't want no problems.

[A]

That's exactly right.

[D]

Tell us about Brooklyn. What is it about it?

[E]

All right, so old school change now. You know, back in the day it was different, you know, you hang out on a stoop, you know what I mean? A girl walks by, you go, how you doing? You know, different levels, different, different how you're doing? You don't want to throw a fiver. How you doing? You know, you get. How you doing? Yeah, because she might get, you know, she'll get a little cocky. You don't want to get cocky.

[D]

Exacerbated or whatever.

[E]

Yeah, you gotta bring it down a notch, you know what I'm saying? My friend's sister, man, I remember the first girl, I said, how you doing? To her. Yeah, she was a sweetheart, you know. Oh yeah, I bought her a nice pair of shoes. She goes, how do I look at them? I said, take Them out of the box, you dummy.

[A]

How you doing?

[E]

We got any Jewish guys on here?

[A]

Oh, yeah, they're out there. They don't make any noise anymore. How you doing? They're laying low right now. Jews. Jews are hiding in the dark right now.

[D]

They'll throw counting in the dark.

[E]

So what else we got about being Italian?

[A]

I mean, I absolutely love it. You know, I just found a great Italian valiant place that I've been telling everybody about, Baldinucci's here in Austin, Texas. And. And I love it. We. I've been ordering from there continuously.

[E]

I'm talking about, you know what's crazy about Italian? You can name any piece of food and you can make it sound like a dick. Here's my brajo. I got the brachio right here. Yeah, hide the salami.

[A]

Yep.

[E]

Look at my little pasta fazel. You can make it anything.

[D]

Yeah, show me that burrat.

[E]

You know what I'm saying? Show me that burrat.

[D]

Where are the real Italians at? Like where? Where? Honestly, if we were going to go look for some Italians or if people wanted to find some Italians.

[E]

Well, we have our own culture. We're Italian America. We're different. Italians don't even like us.

[H]

Really?

[D]

Really.

[E]

They do a little bit because they got to deal with us. I'll kick them out of the country.

[D]

Where are the realest ones in America still at if you want to get the most?

[E]

Well, you got something in Chicago and you got. Where he's from. Youngstown is Italians. But in New York we got. Got Brooklyn, the Bronx. Staten island, too. Staten Island's got a lot of T. Queen's got all the five boroughs got

[A]

T. Oh, my God. Ladies and gentlemen, We have a new bench player. Lil drew ski did white face. Drew ski did white face. And now d madness is doing white face. This is incredible. You never know what can happen here on Kill Tony. Every once in a while, gotta go to Brooklyn.

[E]

Deal. You're from New Orleans? Are you from New Orleans? Chain, it's blind as a bat.

[D]

What you.

[E]

Are you from New Orleans?

[D]

I'm from outside of New Orleans.

[E]

Oh, I used to go there when I was a kid.

[D]

Did you really? What were you guys doing over there?

[E]

My friend had a place I used to go to. The Abbey. Remember the Abbey? It was like a late night joint. Serious chicken fingers and the Abbey.

[A]

No, I had.

[E]

There's a place. Maiden voyage.

[D]

Maiden voyage.

[E]

Come on, keep it on a look.

[D]

I just remembered it.

[E]

Yeah, you know it?

[D]

Yeah. I'll forget it again, I'm sure, but yeah, I Did remember it, right?

[E]

You guys selected Memory Remo.

[D]

Maiden voyage was a little bit. It was.

[E]

It was fun.

[D]

It was okay. People like different stuff.

[A]

I.

[D]

You know, I didn't like it. I like Boston better.

[E]

You like Boston?

[D]

Yeah, I like Boston.

[E]

I like Boston, too. I didn't think they would like me out there, but they like me.

[B]

What?

[D]

Why? What you think that about?

[E]

They're not going to got a lot of Irish when we were kids, the Irish Italians to fight all the time. So I figured I went to Boston, they'll beat the out of me. They like like me.

[D]

We need more of that.

[E]

You need old school back, right?

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

You believe in stereotypes? I took I. When it comes to dicks. I think it's true. I'm gonna tell you why I look at people's dicks in the urine once in a while. Not because I'm gay. I'm gonna tell you what it is.

[D]

Yeah, what is it?

[E]

Let me tell you this. My grandfather was ugly and he had no money. And he banged my grandma for 50 years. She stayed with him. So I asked her, she goes, could. She's. So it made me start looking. I says, let me see what people are working with. This way I can have an edge. You know what I mean?

[A]

And then what happened?

[E]

You look like this. You go like this. Look. You go like you and take a piss and you go, peekaboo. Now, if they got a little guy, you could blackmail him or you could pump their ego up.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Like, you go like. You know, if it's your boss or something, right up the corporate ladder.

[A]

How you doing, Lil Mo? I love you. You got to follow this guy on Instagram. Do it. Here's a big joke book, Lil Mo. I'm going to throw it to you. Boom.

[D]

Praise God, baby.

[A]

Make some noise to Lil Mo. Lil Mo. How long are you in town for?

[E]

I'm. I'm saying two. Two nights.

[A]

So when do you leave?

[E]

I don't know. Two nights from now. Look like a.

[G]

Over here.

[A]

Hey, real quick, Little Mo, real quick. Jump back on that mic real quick.

[L]

What?

[E]

I don't want no problems.

[A]

What's the best show you've ever seen in New York City? You're you. You're true New York, right? Yeah, all the way. What's the.

[E]

The Rockettes?

[N]

No.

[A]

No. Okay.

[E]

Dmx.

[A]

Dmx. Where'd you see him at? I seen him.

[E]

Summer Jam. Where the. Is that. Is that New York? No, it might be Jersey.

[A]

Okay.

[E]

Where the. Did I see the War is. I don't know what.

[A]

What shows have you seen at Madison Square Garden Garden.

[E]

Sheen's what? Just Sheen's nice. That's it. I did the. The Voice of God firm in Manchester Square Garden.

[A]

Well, I'll tell you what. I find you to be so interesting and so compelling. We're doing two nights at Madison Square Garden August 7th and 8th. Will you come on and do a minute on there? The king of New York. Let me say one thing. Yeah.

[B]

I'm on top of the world, ma.

[A]

On top of the world. Hell yeah. How you doing, Lil Mozzarella, ladies? Absolutely.

[E]

I can sing too.

[A]

How about one more time for the cameo of Shane Gillis, everybody? What a what a crazy world we're living in where the biggest comedian in the world stops in and pretends to be blind for 10 seconds. He'll be hosting the roast of Kevin Hart on May 10th live on Netflix. It's gonna be a hell of a roast. I'll be there roasting yet again on the biggest roast of all time, the roast of Kevin Hart. May 10th. Two days earlier me and Jelly Roll are at the Greek theater. And a reminder this Friday, Busboys starring Theo Vaughn and David Spade out in theaters everywhere. Go to a movie theater, people. Buy some popcorn and a large soda. Enjoy yourself. Throw extra butter on it. Stitch Fix Shopping is hard. Let's talk about it. I don't have time to shop, so I buy all my clothes where I buy my seafood. I just want someone to tell me what shirt goes with what pants.

[K]

I just want jeans that fit.

[A]

Stitch Fix makes shopping easy. Just show your size, style and budget and your stylist sends personalized looks right to your door. No subscription required. Plus free shop, shipping and returns.

[F]

Man, that was easy.

[D]

That looked good.

[A]

Stitch Fix online personal styling for everyone. Take your style quiz today@stitch fix.com. it's deck days at Lowe's and the

[C]

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[F]

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[A]

Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket poll. Everybody goes by the name of T. Austin. Everybody T. Austin.

[L]

What's up?

[F]

What's up? Now I came out here, I'm a little angry, but I'm not angry with y'.

[A]

All.

[F]

I don't like the motherfuckers that's outside. So I came up with a few ways to destroy the world, and I only got a minute to do so. The first one would be for you religious motherfuckers. I want whoever you believe in, Jesus, Muhammad, whoever, I hope you come so that way the rest of us can be out here screaming like, holy shit. You can't say that shit. Cause God is the second way. You already got Donald Trump in there doing his thing, working on Israel. We working on them bombs. That would be funny. But fuck that, we're living that one now. The third way, fucking Thriller. I want my goddamn zombies. I've been watching the Walking Dead. I've been practicing my motherfucking shit. Michael, getting ready to come out. I'm going to see that shit. I want to live it the fourth way that I. Why? Because it could be anything, you guys. I could drop a bomb of peanuts in here and drop half you motherfuckers. The fourth way that I believe that we deserve it because Donald Trump said it's true. It's goddamn aliens. We're already here. Thank y'. All. I'm T. Austin.

[A]

T. Austin, ladies and gentlemen, John Dees. I'm gonna check in with John Dees here. What did he just say?

[F]

Bunch of shit

[B]

is now dumb.

[A]

Everyone in this room is now dumber,

[F]

and you're welcome for it.

[A]

Okay. Welcome, T. How long have you been doing standup?

[F]

My dear friend, I have been doing standup off and on for about maybe six years. My dog.

[A]

Six Cheers.

[J]

Okay.

[F]

Six years.

[A]

Where at?

[F]

San Antonio.

[A]

Okay.

[F]

I'm originally from Georgia.

[A]

Georgia.

[F]

Can't tell you. Yeah.

[A]

All right.

[F]

I was in Texas for 20 years, though, so I'm officially a DSTB as well as a DSGB. Bad motherfucker all the way around.

[A]

What's a DSTB?

[F]

Oh, that's a Down South Texas boy. I'm a Down South GB Georgia. South Georgia boy.

[A]

Oh.

[F]

Oh, Pastor Charles. That's my dog.

[A]

Okay.

[F]

I don't know him, but I listen to the music.

[D]

And what does the T stand for?

[F]

T? It's a letter.

[D]

Just.

[F]

ABCD eft?

[A]

Yeah. Wow.

[F]

Hey, you see, I kept my hand in my pocket. I ain't got no fingerprints. I don't want nobody telling on me, Okay?

[A]

I. Again, I really need a translator.

[D]

I hear everything you're saying, Brother T.

[A]

Austin, what do you not do for work?

[F]

What do I not do for work? Well, I am a retired drug dealer. I used to sell marijuana.

[A]

Okay.

[F]

But then it became legal and them bitches took it from her pocket. But now, now I work at a grocery store and I give out samples to nice folks like you white people here in front of me today.

[A]

All right, look at you working at the grocery store.

[F]

Nice. Yeah, I'm broke than a bitch. I need a job.

[A]

So let's check.

[D]

And who likes a sample the most? Who's the most? When you're in there, if you're working, like, if you're in the sample streets, who is the person? You know what I'm saying? Take me through some of them samplers.

[F]

All right, so look, I got folk that come through. I got my everyday people. Let me try.

[A]

You're what people?

[F]

Let me talk a little bit clearer.

[A]

Yes.

[F]

So I have everyday people that like to come in and they will eat what I make because it is very, very delicious. But the. Some bitches don't buy it. I don't care about you loving what I make. I care about you buying it. But putting a smile on people's face, just like I'm doing with y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

All right.

[A]

There's a lot there there. We love the enunciation.

[F]

You ask the question and who the

[D]

worst people that come through there. Who's the worst type of sampler?

[A]

Yeah. If you had to. Honestly, if you had to describe what they look like.

[F]

Ooh, check this out. I won't, but I'll describe their pocket. They got a lot of money. All right, People with a lot of money be mean as.

[A]

Really. What's the meanest thing anybody's ever said to you while you're handing out.

[F]

You know what? You didn't do it. I was surprised, cuz I heard about you. But I. I didn't take it like that. But they come up with a. They say, my brother. Yeah, I get it. Yeah. Not your brother. I don't know you. And I tell them, no, sir, I do. I do not understand what you are saying to me right now.

[A]

You say that to the white people that say that.

[F]

I didn't say that. You said that. I say that to anybody who say that. But if you want to say it's white people, sir, I'll take that too.

[A]

But if a black guy came up to you and said, my brother, delicious

[F]

sample, it depend on how he say it.

[A]

All right, how about how I say

[F]

it? Depends on how you say it.

[A]

All right, what if I was like, my brother, delicious sample,

[F]

I'd be like, well, thank you, sir, and I really do appreciate that.

[A]

All right, perfect. If you would have said anything else, I would have Asked to speak to your manager.

[F]

I appreciate this shit. I really didn't know I was gonna get called on here. It is really a fucking honor. I hope I did good for y'.

[B]

All.

[F]

I fuck with it. I hope I get called on.

[A]

Are you closing out your own interview right now?

[F]

Stomach hurts, bro.

[A]

I am nervous. It's what happens. You're in the. You're in the big league. And we know you didn't think you were going to get called. That's how the show works. And it's also, you're dressed for not getting called.

[F]

Hey, I got off of work and came here.

[A]

You did it.

[C]

I'm poor, I have to work type.

[F]

So I got a bucket. You see me? You see me put it in my pocket. Help your boy out.

[A]

There you go.

[F]

Love y'.

[A]

All. Catch him at Trader Jamal T. Austin, everybody. Theo doing his classic meet and greet. Trademark standing ovation for everyone.

[D]

Scary thing. It is. I could never do that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, you could.

[D]

You got there for. I could not do it.

[A]

We used to do three minutes at the Comedy Store at the open mic minutes.

[D]

But you've been practicing for a long time. It just feels like very.

[A]

It feels.

[D]

Feels extreme to me.

[A]

It. Well, yeah, it is.

[D]

Carry on.

[A]

It's the thing. Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket poll goes by the name of Brian Stupek. Brian Stupek.

[K]

Hey, everybody. So I'm a man. So I get a. I get a little discouraged about the double standard that exists online between men and women. For example, a girl can post herself at the beach. Beach wearing a bikini gets thousands of likes. Hundreds of comments from other girls saying things like, yes, queen slay girl, pop off diva. I say one innocent comment like, wow, would a babe. And I get blasted. They say creep. They say loser. Or most often they say, wow, dude, she's only 11. Can you believe this people? So I don't do many impressions. I do one. This is my impression of a Latina. But not just any Latina. This is one that is both brilliant and gorgeous. So give me a second while I get into character.

[A]

Okay?

[K]

Soy Mexicana. Soy Mexicana. Soy Mexicana. No, no, no. CCC O que listo? I'm breaking up with you, Brian.

[A]

Okay. Brian Stupek. Welcome. Brian, is this your first time on the show?

[K]

Sure is.

[A]

Welcome, welcome. How long you been on stand up comedy?

[K]

Since June.

[A]

Where at?

[K]

Mostly 6th Street.

[A]

You live here in Austin?

[K]

Yeah, I work next door.

[A]

What made you want to start six months ago?

[K]

It's a long story, but I was. I ran out of Money in Italy. And my buddy's like, come stay with me and try stand up comedy.

[A]

So I was like, all right, where was that?

[K]

In Italy or you're in Italy, you

[A]

ran out of money, Your buddy's like, come move.

[K]

He lives in. Kyle.

[A]

He lives in here in.

[K]

Yes.

[A]

Okay.

[K]

Yes.

[A]

All right.

[K]

Yeah.

[A]

So where'd you live before that?

[K]

So I'm from Northern California, but I do a lot of travel, so I spent like most of the last 10, 15 years traveling. I, I, I'm a linguist, so I like, travel to learn languages. I'll pick up, like, odd jobs.

[A]

Can you teach the last guy how to talk?

[K]

I mean, I can help people that, you know, I can't help lost causes, you know.

[A]

Right, yeah. So how did you run out of money in Italy? Exactly. What did you do out there?

[K]

So I published an Italian book and I was, I had this idea where I could promote it. I was going to walk the length of Italy with 100 book copies of my book and a shopping cart, and I was going to push it the length of Italy, trading it every day for food and lodging.

[A]

Wow.

[K]

And when I got to Rome, I ran out of books and I ran out of money. And so I was like, you know, I was just waiting in the airport there for five days till my book royalties came in and then I flew home.

[D]

All things lead to Rome, they say.

[K]

Isn't it right there? It is,

[H]

yeah.

[A]

It's true.

[K]

Italy itself was actually a pivot too.

[A]

Yeah.

[K]

Yeah. I, I tried to, I tried to walk Africa before that. Oh, yeah.

[A]

Not a lot of book buyers out there. No, no, no.

[K]

That one was just for me. That was for fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[K]

I made it a third of the way.

[A]

Oh, wow. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. What was that like?

[K]

It was nice. It was great. So I, I went from Cape Town, South Africa, to the Democratic Republic of Congo. So I did like all of South Africa, all in Namibia, all of Angola. And then when I got to the border of the drc, I kept getting robbed. So I, I, who?

[D]

If you had to guess.

[K]

Yeah.

[A]

When you said kept getting robbed, how many times do you think you were robbed?

[K]

No, it was three. In a week and a half.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[K]

So it was the first time I just got jumped by, like, high school age kids. Can I show you?

[A]

For.

[K]

It's, yeah.

[F]

You're gonna show me?

[K]

Yeah.

[F]

Show me. Like a what?

[K]

Yeah, yeah. Don't worry, you're safe.

[D]

You work with all those kids.

[F]

I'm so confused how we went.

[K]

So it was, they were like, so it was like like you need me

[F]

to stand up for this thing or something?

[H]

Kind of.

[A]

What? Brian, you don't have to.

[D]

Let's not do.

[A]

Let's not. Let's not make the award winning artist do anything written by you, Brian.

[K]

So no, they were. They weren't like. They were kind of

[A]

people. Hey, can I use you like a mannequin there? Just leave your Grammys at the table. Just stand up for me. I'm a random fucking open micr that has six months of experience.

[D]

And Jelly's ready for it.

[A]

He's down to play.

[F]

Like, fuck, I'm down, dog. At this point, I kind of want to see it. Fuck.

[A]

Let's go, let's go. This is still Tony, where clearly anything can happen.

[K]

So they were like 6, 3, 1, 20. So I'm walking behind.

[F]

I'm fucking flattered.

[A]

Yeah.

[K]

So they're walking behind and I wasn't sure what he was trying to do. So he grabs me by the back, back and he like. And I was like, what? And then he kept doing it. Like he's like, you know. And so I fought them off and that's all I was.

[H]

You're good now.

[K]

That was it.

[A]

Just as stupid as I thought it would be. Everybody. Brian. Stupid. Needing a human for that act out.

[K]

Yeah. But the second time was a little bit scary. They had AK47s. They put one in my mouth.

[A]

No way.

[G]

Yeah.

[A]

You get hard.

[D]

And what is. Yeah, good question.

[A]

Red band, completely redeeming himself the question everybody wanted to ask.

[K]

Yeah, what's up? Did it get hard?

[A]

Did you get hard?

[K]

I stay hard, Tony.

[A]

Oh, very good, very good.

[E]

Hard.

[K]

And then the third time, it was it like there were men with machine.

[F]

No, no, no, no, no. You can't just breeze through that.

[A]

What exactly did they.

[F]

How this one happened?

[A]

Yeah. What did they get out of you? What did they rob out of you?

[K]

At that time?

[A]

I.

[K]

So I was in Luanda, Angola, which is the capital of Angola. And I just. I was doing.

[A]

It sounds safe. Go ahead.

[K]

I had a. I just had a. Like my phone and my money on me because I left. I was staying with the local there. So I had like my backpack with them. So that wasn't on me. And they.

[F]

You were pointing at my fanny pack.

[K]

No.

[F]

Where's the money?

[M]

Okay.

[K]

No, it was just in my pockets. I was just going to a TV interview. It was like six in the morning.

[A]

How cash do you think you had on you?

[K]

Like 90 bucks.

[A]

Okay.

[K]

Yeah. So, you know, it's like a lot there, but I was.

[D]

Yeah, it's a lot anywhere, man.

[A]

Yeah.

[K]

Yeah.

[A]

Especially there.

[K]

Yeah. So as I was walking, I was stupid. Like, I just had my phone out using gps, and I'm like, oh, yeah,

[A]

I'd rob you if I saw you.

[K]

And then I. Yeah, as I'm. As I'm walking, there are, like two guys sitting on a stoop and they ran in opposite directions sections. I was like, okay, this is interesting. And then they came back with a case and, yeah, they. They speak Portuguese and Angola. So, like, fika, fika, fika, fika, which means stay in Portuguese. And so I had my phone and I was just like, you know.

[A]

Right, exactly.

[K]

Yeah.

[A]

They could have used those guns that just say, bang the flag. That comes out.

[K]

Well, it was frustrating because they were. It was. It was like a 5 foot 2 inch. It was like Kevin Hart was robbing me, you know, it was like. It was really emasculating.

[A]

Yeah.

[K]

And then one of the guys, when he was emptying my pockets, I did have my sunscreen on me. And it was.

[A]

Oh, yeah. The one thing they allowed you to keep.

[K]

No, they took that.

[A]

They took that, too.

[K]

And I was like, you don't need this.

[A]

Right.

[K]

You know, but what happened was the guy dropped it and that panicked the other guy with the gun, and he, like, hit me and like, put. He's like. I was like, I'm not even doing anything.

[A]

All right. And then the third time, so I was.

[K]

I was at the border of the DRC and I was walking, and guys walked by me and they. It was a fisherman group. So it was like, one guy's carrying fish, another three are carrying machete. Machetes.

[D]

And so they like, oh, the old fish machete trick.

[K]

So that sounds bad, but it's not terribly uncommon in that part of the world. You see people walking with machetes. Like, they're. I'd walked hundreds of miles with people with machetes. So. But these people, what made it sketchy was they turned around and they started following me. And I was like, all right, maybe I dropped something. I didn't. So I picked up my speed. They picked up their speed. I started jogging. They started jogging, took off into the jungle. Then they chased me into the jungle. But there's like a. Like, the brush was about this high, so I found a spot to hide, and they're, like, looking for me for, like, 45 minutes. I'm, like, hiding on top of my bag. And then they eventually left, but I waited another few hours because they could have just been waiting on the road, you know, of course. And I'm, like, hearing things rustle in the bushes this whole time. And the previous week or so, I'd seen half a dozen black mambas or so cross the road. So I'm just like, maybe it's time to come home.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, I'd say so.

[D]

Tell the world.

[K]

Can we still sing Diddy?

[D]

Huh? What? Who sings that?

[K]

Diddy?

[D]

Is it really?

[K]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[A]

I like.

[D]

Yeah, I just like the song.

[A]

There's a medium joke book, my friend. There goes Brian. Appreciate you guys, everybody. We're flying through it here tonight. Yeah. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. You know, those friends who support your preference for podcasts over music on Road to Trips. That's the energy State Farm brings to insurance. With over 19,000 local agents, they help you find the coverage that fits your needs so you can spend less time worrying about insurance and more time enjoying the ride. Download the State Farm app or go [e-mail] like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. K Pop Demon Hunters, Haja Boy's Breakfast

[I]

Meal and Hunt Tricks Meal have just dropped at McDonald's. They're calling this a battle for the fans. What do you say to that, Rumi?

[A]

It's not a battle. So glad the Saja boys could take breakfast and give our meal the rest of the day. It is an honor to share. No, it's our honor. It is our larger honor. No, really, stop. You can really feel the respect in this battle. Pick a meal to pick a side. Ba da ba ba ba. And participate in McDonald's while supplies last. You guys still having fun out there? You get it? Make some noise for your next bucket bowl. Ladies and gentlemen. It's Luke Robinson, everybody. Luke Robinson.

[H]

Elon Musk is making neuralink so people can talk to their pets.

[G]

Aw.

[H]

Now they can tell us just how much they love us. I don't know, but I've thought about it fucking a lot. Imagine dog dads having the neuter talk after a painful conversation about cutting their balls off. They'd be like, please, Poppy, I promise to keep my picker in my pants. Dudes would be so traumatized. They'd never neuter dogs ever again. And the straight population would go way out of control. And if dogs didn't talk, they can understand tv. Imagine coming home to find your dog watching AOC on C Span.

[A]

Poppy.

[H]

She's so smart.

[A]

Smart.

[H]

Next day, dogs on the doorstep of a shelter with a note. Good dog, but he's a Democrat.

[A]

Thank you.

[H]

I'm Luke Robinson. They call me your big dog.

[A]

Thank you, Luke Robinson. Amazing. Very, very compelling. It's very.

[D]

Good job, man.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Luke, welcome, welcome. How long have you been doing standup. Com comedy?

[H]

This is my fifth time on stage.

[A]

Fifth time talking to that microphone. Fifth time obviously on stage. And how did the other four times go?

[H]

First time was in Memphis. No, I'm sorry. The first time was in Little Rock. Memphis was second, third was Creek, third was LOL in San Antonio. And that's when I got my first positive feedback from the audience that my writing is really solid. I do a lot of dog jokes. I'm a big dog guy.

[A]

Yeah. Specialize in dog material. I noticed that.

[H]

I. I do. I lost. I've lost three dogs of cancer. I've walked 4,200.

[A]

Wow. I mean, starting with how many dogs you've lost to cancer is something else. That is incredible.

[J]

What do you.

[D]

Where you. What?

[H]

High five.

[D]

You lost three dogs.

[B]

That can not.

[H]

Not all at the same time.

[A]

What is going on still?

[D]

Dude, quit doing that. That.

[A]

Are you giving them cigarettes?

[H]

I should cut back on the cools, right? Yeah.

[D]

Well, what are you doing, man?

[H]

Well, my first one was bone cancer and that was in Boston.

[D]

Look, I know it. Yes, bone cancer happens in Boston. But what I'm saying is, dude, give it up and do something else.

[A]

Yeah, how?

[H]

Just like not get a dog. Absolutely. Unfortunately, I'm on my fifth Pyrenees, so.

[A]

Oh, you started with how many dogs have died under your tutelage? How many have survived? Do you have any living dogs?

[I]

Dogs?

[H]

I have one. He's three legged though, so.

[A]

Oh my God. What is happening? How did the. How did your dog lose its leg?

[H]

Well, that was abuse before me. Not, not me. I got him.

[B]

They.

[H]

The people before him left him outside tied to a tree, lacerated his leg. They amputated and I, I. Before I got him, I fostered him and he was like, poppy, I'll be the best son to you. Please adopt me. I signed the papers after that. He's been the most ingrained, grateful Great Pyrenees I've ever had.

[A]

He's grateful.

[H]

Ungrateful. Ungrateful Great Pyrenees.

[A]

Check in with Jelly Roll here.

[F]

This is really close to sounding like a Jelly Roll song.

[H]

Well, my. My exit kind of. I kind of. Actually, my first dog kind of is. Is. I moved to Boston. My first dog got cancer. My girlfriend left me and she took the truck. So I totally became a country song.

[A]

Wow.

[N]

Cliche.

[H]

But I ended up walking after losing three dogs. I've walked a total of 4,250 miles. Sort of the foundation where we tried to understand why dogs get cancer like people. So I try to turn the lofts.

[A]

Did you walk across America or Africa?

[H]

America three different times. Austin to Boston was my first one.

[D]

Wow.

[H]

Then the west coast from Canada, Mexico was my second one. My last one, my third one was the entire length of the Hudson river because I lost. Hudson was the third dog I lost to cancer.

[O]

So.

[A]

Wow.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

And. And round of applause for doing that. Man, that's incredible.

[A]

Yeah. Red Band takes a petty cab to his condo four blocks away. I'm a cat guy, but he's also going to lose a leg soon. So you can join me on my next.

[H]

On my next walk. You enjoy me, but I have to lose another dog.

[A]

Cancer first.

[D]

He's. What was the bet? What was your favorite walk? To be be honest, that's just interesting. Somebody that walked those much that many places.

[H]

Austin to Boston was the best one. That was 2300 miles over two years with my two dogs.

[D]

So why was it the best, though?

[H]

I, I, I, that's kind of hard. The west coast was. The west coast was just weird altogether. And they say they're animal friendly, but when you look like a homeless guy walking with a dog, they don't treat you like they're like you're part of there. So it was just a different experience. I find the people, people from the Austin to Boston. I walked across 16 states, including D.C. and the people were just incredible. It was just like nothing. Nothing you see on tv, it doesn't. Nothing could speak to that experience. It's just like selling all your stuff, putting everything in storage and just walking with your dogs cross country. It was so much grace and glory in that experience.

[A]

How do you make money?

[H]

Look at me, I'm 55. I'm up here on the stage trying out for a cocktail. I've been doing this since I lost my first dog 20 years ago.

[A]

You've been doing what?

[H]

Not living in the nonprofit world. Trying to solve canine cancer, Companion animal cancer.

[A]

Do you think solving canine cancer is more important than solving human cancer?

[H]

Well, what science has taught us, this is the interesting thing, especially with dog cancer. It's pretty much the same thing. 90% of all cancers dogs get that people get. Look, they look the same, they act the same. It's kind of one of the things that science has taught us.

[A]

Right.

[D]

Do people say a lot of it's from chobani yogurt? You seen all of that?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[F]

Dog could be.

[D]

Do dogs allegedly.

[A]

Do dogs get More breast cancer than normal animals. Because all the nipples and stuff.

[H]

Yes, they do get.

[F]

Question.

[A]

Do they?

[H]

Yeah, yeah, they. They do get mammary cancer.

[F]

Have you ever been fat?

[H]

Have I been what?

[F]

Have you ever been fat?

[H]

Fat? Yeah, absolutely. I'm a toy.

[A]

Yeah.

[H]

I used to be a sugar guy. Totally. Yeah.

[N]

Like how.

[F]

Have you lost a lot of weight?

[H]

A lot, yeah.

[F]

How much?

[H]

Probably about £100. I know you have. You look fantastic, by the way. Cheers.

[F]

I can tell. I know my kind when I see them. You look. Yeah, you look. You look like you got Ed Gain's lampshades under there. I know that feeling.

[E]

I look like it's got to look

[F]

like happening right here too.

[B]

Dude.

[F]

It's bad.

[A]

Yeah, that's very, very funny. Very true observation by Jelly Roll. I'm now looking at it. Your belt is made of belt loops. There are belt around the titties.

[F]

The titties is where you're supposed to look. You can see the.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[F]

You got that skin where titties once was. I'm struggling with the same thing.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Absolutely incredible. So let me ask you this. What's your love life like? You're out there walking dogs, three legged dogs. You must get a lot of.

[F]

Well, it's a lot better than it was £100 ago. I can promise you that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[H]

No, when you're on the road and you're walking, man, you smell like basically piss and dog ass all the time. Look like a homeless guy. So there's. Yeah. So it's been a while since I've had, you know, I just. It's been a dry spell.

[D]

So.

[H]

It's been a long time, man. So.

[D]

Yeah, that's okay.

[H]

Yeah.

[D]

What was I going to say something? Oh, do you, do you have a. What, what is your. Your nonprofit called?

[H]

It's Puppy Up. So like some people down in Texas say cowboy up or man up. We puppy Up. So that was my battle cry from our first walk because I knew it was going to be long and hard.

[L]

Hard.

[H]

So we puppy up, y'.

[A]

All. Absolutely adorable.

[H]

We all have to puppy up in life.

[A]

Definitely. Here you go, my friend. There's a medium sized joke. Oh, wow. You got a little dog in you. There he goes. Ladies and gentlemen, Luke Robinson. There he goes. There he goes. Very dog cancer heavy. Eight minutes. That was you guys still hanging in there next to notes for your next bucket pool. Matt Campbell, everybody. Matt Campbell. Here we go.

[J]

Hello.

[N]

Has anyone got crap nicknames? Show of hands, if they have a crap nickname? No, Just me. Fuck you guys.

[J]

All right.

[N]

No, I just wanted to say. Cause, like, you know when you get a crap nickname, like Booger Face or, like, Numpty or something horrible like that Jelly Roll. Jelly Roll. Maybe you could attest. Maybe you could attest. I don't know. But it always comes from the ones you love. You know what I mean? It's never from people you hate. Like, my granddad, when I was a fat kid, called me Buster Bacon. Not as bad as my little brother. He called him Adolph. And his justification for that was, is whenever he screamed, he got exactly what he wanted. I mean, he could have called him Donald. It would have worked the same. Sorry. Though my dad sealed the name deal with my brother because my brother came out of the closet and his name's Benedict. That's already. I'm British. My brother's name's Benedict. I'm already at a good start. And my brother on the couch just yells, dad. The door is ringing. And my dad just goes, yeah.

[A]

All right. Ogre's time. Matt Campbell. Welcome, Matt. You want to finish that? Or was it. Were you done there?

[N]

Well, I was just gonna. I. I was just gonna say my brother's name was Bendy Dick. After that. That was.

[A]

Okay. All right, well, what are you, English?

[N]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. How long you been in America?

[N]

I've been in America about nine years now.

[A]

All right.

[N]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Where at?

[N]

I lived in Colorado Springs for, like, eight years, and then I moved here like, seven months ago. So, like, almost. Almost nine years I've been in America. If I do the math right.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. What school did you go to? Hogwarts.

[N]

I do look like a bit of, like. I'm wearing, like, a Weasley sweater right now. It's not. Fuck.

[A]

What do you do for work?

[N]

I wait tables now.

[A]

Okay.

[N]

I used to be a valet at W Hotel, but now I wait tables.

[A]

Okay.

[N]

Where are you waiting tables at Cousin Louie's. Shout Out. Cousin Louie's up at Dripping Springs. Great place to work.

[A]

All right. And that's where you live, Dripping Springs?

[N]

Yeah. No, I don't live there. I live just 10 minutes outside of town, so it's a bit of a drive.

[A]

You have to drive a long time.

[N]

It's worth it.

[A]

Minutes.

[N]

The money's pretty good.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

And are you welsh, lad?

[N]

No, not a drop.

[D]

Not a drop. And what does it mean to be Welsh?

[N]

What it means to be Welsh is you shag sheep for fun. I'll stand by that. Okay. Okay.

[D]

Yeah, I don't know him. I'm just Being curious about them.

[F]

Talk to me about the nickname. What was it again?

[N]

Buster Bacon.

[F]

It was Buster Bacon.

[N]

Yeah.

[F]

They were going to call me Fat Beck at first and then because I like jelly donuts and my mama didn't know the difference between a jelly donut and a goddamn jelly roll. That she called me Jelly Roll.

[N]

That was it. Cuz I ate bacon sandwiches. That's the same thing.

[F]

That's a true, true store. Did a lot of people have nicknames where you're from?

[N]

Mostly like rude names like Knob Ed, Wanker. There's a couple other ones.

[F]

But like we. I mean we did that too. But we would make. That would be their name. Like we had one guy named Shit Stain. I'm not making this up. And we all called him his whole life. I never knew his real name to this day. Shout out. I love you baby. I ain't seen you in a while. I miss you, dog.

[A]

Shout out to do the brown.

[F]

I had a do bug a ting a ling.

[N]

You had ting a ling.

[F]

There was a tingling.

[A]

This is all true nicknames.

[F]

You came to the neighborhood with nicknames too, right?

[A]

Well, yeah, but I actually a little fun fact since you brought it up is we once did in Nashville, Tennessee, a roast of Jelly Roll. And you're a smart guy because you did your roast when you were still humongous and you gave us a lot to work with. And I just so happened to search my phone for Jelly Roll roast and I found an entire file of jokes that I did on Jelly Roll.

[D]

Can't hear a couple jelly.

[A]

I said Jelly Roll is Lizzo for rednecks. I called him Leonard Skidmark. Hold on. Limp Biscuit and Gravy. This is a long file. I did a lot of jokes that night. There's a lot there. Jelly Roll is your favorite musician. If your favorite meal is corn dog. There's a lot here. I don't even know where to begin.

[D]

You already started.

[A]

Yeah, there's a. This is a gigantic file. I know there's a part where there

[N]

been going a while now feeling Jelly Roll.

[D]

Been going a bit lot.

[A]

If you could see. See what page? You can see what I'm.

[F]

He's still scrolling. Yeah. I thought we were friends.

[A]

There's a part where I have at the end. I remember I went on a run of banned music puns. But now I've lost. I can't find it now.

[F]

I'd give anything to hear that.

[A]

It's a live show.

[D]

You're more of a churro now though, bro.

[N]

You know, I Was gonna say olive Goten breadstick, but, you know, he's doing well.

[A]

Sinclair. Sinclair, tell us more about your gay British life.

[D]

Is it fun being British, or does it just seem like it's whatever. Does it even seem like you're doing anything?

[A]

I did recently.

[D]

It seems so docile and fucking confused and librarianish.

[N]

I did get asked for my papers recently. That was a fun experience at, like, you know.

[D]

Yeah.

[N]

At my job. Just trying to wait tables.

[D]

Oh, yeah?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

What'd they think you were?

[N]

I don't know. I have no idea what they thought I was. I said, hello, madam. How can I help you today?

[A]

Where are your papers?

[N]

That was the first thing before I could even get to the menu.

[D]

Wow.

[N]

I was just trying to give us some, like, eggplant rollatini or something.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

How do you do with the ladies? How does that.

[N]

I've got a girlfriend.

[A]

Okay. She's Texan.

[N]

She's in Colorado, but she's from Wyoming.

[A]

Okay, how's that going?

[N]

It's going pretty good.

[A]

You guys talk on the phone a lot?

[N]

It is. It is a lot. On FaceTime.

[A]

You guys have phone sex?

[N]

Nah, I can't do it.

[A]

Really, dude.

[N]

It's too weird, bro. Also, I don't know who the fuck's listening, dude. You guys are all cool with that? You have no idea who's listening. You're like. You're just, like, flicking your bean and

[A]

just going, eh, Eh. Did you.

[N]

Did you interrupt the call?

[A]

What the fuck was.

[N]

I just figured we're gonna be listening to, like. All of us are gonna have, like, our porn soundtracks whenever we do something too famous. You know what I mean? Just coming out, I'd be worried.

[D]

Would you, lad? Sorry. I'm just joking.

[N]

See, my accent's not funny. It's other people doing my accent, which is funny.

[D]

I love British people, dude. I like Scottish people.

[B]

People.

[D]

Actually, I'm gonna be Irish people, and I like British people.

[N]

You haven't exactly narrowed it down, but, yes, we're doing well.

[A]

What's the craziest gig you've done here in America, standup wise?

[N]

I. I did a show in Houston where they were all. It was like a drug bazaar.

[A]

Drug bazaar. Drug bazaar.

[N]

Like a market

[A]

B. What do you mean, drug? Bizarre.

[N]

Like, everyone was just like. Like, I went. I went to, like, like, go to the green room, and on my way. It's just like, tables full of, like, molly, acid, weed, mushrooms.

[C]

Where.

[N]

This is Houston. This is Houston.

[A]

Where exactly in Houston is this table?

[H]

I could.

[N]

I could find, like, the details on my phone later.

[A]

We don't really.

[F]

I have prayed for a green room like that my entire career. This is how I imagined the 80s were before phones exist.

[N]

It felt a little bit like that.

[F]

Dope everywhere and people having fun.

[D]

Dude, I got this thing one time, so I had to do a comedy show at. There was something at, like, the Golden Bridge or whatever in California. It's like the really nice bridge.

[A]

Golden Gate Bridge.

[D]

Golden Gate Bridge.

[A]

Yeah.

[O]

Even.

[N]

Even I know that one, Theo.

[D]

Yeah, well, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, that's what it is. And so anyway, I do this thing, and it's all. It's like a weed conference, right? And my set was at, like, 11:15 or something at night. I get up and there's nobody in there. There's like, one dude who's dressed like a boat captain or something. This motherfucker is go. He's lost. And somebody left somebody up front that, like, had left a sibling up front that was kind of mentally ill or whatever, you know, one of God's oysters or whatever.

[F]

And.

[D]

But, bro, they didn't put, like, a little sign on him or anything, so I'm. This dude is, like, giving me a lot of grief, and. And I. They got me so high before the thing, bro. It was just so. It was embarrassing and sad, bro, and I. It was just like. God, that was harrowing, bro. That was harrowing.

[N]

I mean, I would. This sounds terrible.

[D]

That's why we left your country, dude, so we could do like that.

[N]

I tell you what, it's why I left. That's for sure.

[A]

Matt Campbell. Congratulations. There's a little joke. There he goes. Matt Campbell, everybody. I keep it moving along here. We're flying right through it. Oh, on to the next one we go. Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket bowl goes by the name of Anthony Martin, everybody. Anthony Martin. Here comes Anthony. Okay.

[N]

Hello.

[J]

I'm in a YouTube rabbit hole right now. Anyone else?

[A]

Yeah.

[J]

I'm into young bros beating up pedophiles on the Internet. Have you seen this? Oh, my goodness. It's phenomenal the way it works. It's like young bro starts catfishing a pedophile, meets him out in a Walmart. He's just like, hey, you looking for Rebecca?

[F]

I'm Rebecca.

[J]

I got.

[F]

Duh.

[J]

Just hits him, bounces off the chips aisle.

[A]

He's like, leave me alone.

[J]

He's running through. He crashes through a giant soda tower that looks like the University of Texas. And I like these videos, but I start to feel guilty when you Find out that these guys, they have autism or mental disabilities or they're running for reelection. And I just feel guilty. I feel guilty. I was sexting with my fiance the other day, and I was saying all the dirty stuff of like, yeah, I'm gonna take you down, flip you around all over town and all that, and I not good at it. But I send a text and I immediately get a response back from my mom. Mother in law said, anthony, never text me that again. Come say it to my face.

[A]

Anthony Martin, everybody. Hell yeah. Funny stuff. Anthony. Where you from?

[J]

I'm from Burbank, California.

[A]

Okay. Wow. The former home of the Tonight Show. Yeah. Red Band used to live there. I used to live there. What part of Burbank, exactly?

[J]

I used to.

[A]

Alameda and Victory.

[J]

No, maripusa. I'll write on Glen Oaks.

[A]

Glen Oaks.

[J]

And I don't want to.

[A]

Oh, you still live there?

[J]

My family still lives there.

[A]

Oh, wow. Yeah, we don't want these fans. I don't want these tracking down your family. It's a bunch of angry pedophiles. Your son was making jokes about us getting beaten up. Your son? Wait, no, we'll. Your son?

[J]

Yeah, bring me your son.

[A]

Anthony, what do you do for a living?

[J]

I work in property management.

[A]

Okay. How long you been doing stand up?

[J]

Almost 10 years.

[A]

10 years. And you're managing property in Burbank?

[J]

No, I live in Portland, Oregon, right now. I got engaged and that's where her family lives.

[A]

Okay. All right.

[D]

Portland's nice.

[J]

It is nice people.

[D]

It gets like a crazy rap because of all, like, the people. Like the.

[J]

Yeah, there's all the people that live there.

[D]

No, just like the Renaissance fair people fighting, the gay addicts or whatever. Whatever the is. You know what I'm saying? The. That was on the Internet. But you go there, dude, it's freaking cool, man.

[J]

Yeah, the food there is great. I really like the food.

[A]

Yeah, they do have good food. There's that one big food court. You know what I'm talking about?

[D]

I didn't eat while I was there, but we had a great time.

[F]

Donuts is from.

[B]

Yeah.

[J]

Voodoo donuts I think is from Portland, Oregon.

[L]

Fire.

[D]

Is that true?

[A]

Is it? Yeah.

[D]

Yes.

[E]

Wow.

[J]

Or I'm wrong.

[A]

Wow.

[F]

I would notice that.

[A]

Angry, man. This is the kind of shit I would know.

[F]

This is the value I bring to tonight's show.

[J]

You know the origin story of every donut place? They call me Jelly Roll for a reason.

[A]

Our origin story.

[F]

Only the ones that are legalized marijuana

[D]

states from a small dozen in Antioch. I Love it.

[A]

Anthony, where'd you meet this girl at?

[J]

Funny enough? Tinder.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, she was in Portland, and you were in Burbank, and you're like, what's up?

[J]

Well, we. We met in California, and then, funny story, I. I knew I loved her from, like, the moment we met. Like, I met her and I was like, God, I love her so much, and it's, like, creepy. I know, I know. I know how felt and then. No, no, no, no, no. Fuck.

[A]

No.

[M]

Are you.

[A]

Are you insane?

[D]

Say it. It's insane. No, you have to not say it.

[J]

No, I. No. I met her. I knew that immediately. And then she told me she was moving to Portland, Oregon, and I was like, oh, fuck. And then I was like, oh, yeah, that's cool. That's fine. We wrap up the date and I go back to my car, and I'm like, punching the passenger seat, like, God damn it. We end up meeting up a few years later, and it just. She couldn't let me.

[A]

Me go. Wow. Yeah. Amazing. Luckily, she did not see you beating your passenger seat aggressively right after the date. I mean, this could be you.

[N]

Yeah.

[A]

May have scared her away. So you just ran into her a few years later or.

[J]

Yeah.

[A]

How did that happen?

[J]

Covid.

[A]

Okay, co. So you guys were, like, chatting again.

[J]

Yeah.

[A]

And then you.

[J]

She was not texting me back that often, so. Ladies, if you're. There's a guy that's not. That's texting you a lot, and you're not texting him back that much. Fuck you.

[A]

That's a good point. That's a good point. What does she do in Portland? What does she sell on Etsy?

[J]

She's a crystal farmer. No, she does remote medical work. More complicated than I can explain.

[A]

Right, Absolutely.

[D]

Telehealth.

[J]

Somewhat. I don't know. I know something. Insurance stuff.

[D]

It's popular.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, it sounds about right.

[D]

Telehealth.

[A]

Yeah. You're managing properties, so that's like apartments in Portland.

[J]

Yes.

[A]

So what's some of the crazy stuff that you've had to do? What's some bad stuff that you've seen?

[J]

Well, I used to live here in Austin. I had.

[A]

For how long? How long?

[J]

How dark of a story can I tell you? Tony.

[M]

Yeah.

[A]

Let's go.

[J]

So.

[A]

Brought to you by Shopify, Talkspace Prize picks.

[J]

I was. Yeah, shout them out. I was working here in Austin, Texas, a few years ago, and, you know, close to the office, there was a smell, a peculiar smell that no one. We were like, man, what's this? We gotta find the Source of this smell. And eventually we found a dead body.

[E]

Wow.

[J]

Yes. It had been dead for about. It's.

[A]

He.

[J]

That was a person. He had killed himself maybe like three months ago.

[A]

Wow.

[J]

Yeah.

[A]

And it was just in the apartment. He, like, prepaid.

[J]

Right in the apartment.

[A]

He prepaid his rent or whatever. Well, that.

[J]

The reason why we couldn't find him is because he had auto pay on.

[C]

Oh, wow.

[J]

That's probably. I don't like my dream. And the idea that they got extra money from this guy who was dead kind of bugs me.

[A]

Yeah.

[J]

But. Yeah, the.

[D]

Say his name.

[J]

So we find his body. No, no, I'm gonna say his mom's name. But that's because it's relevant to the story. Because at a certain point, his mom showed up. No one could find his next of kin. His file was so old, we couldn't. It was a younger guy. His mom shows up.

[A]

Dog had cancer.

[G]

Go ahead.

[A]

Go ahead. Then what happened?

[J]

But his mom shows up and she's like, hey, I'm looking for my son. And she points to that apartment right there, the one with the smell and all that. And I was just an assistant at the time. And I go to my manager. She had a family member die recently. She couldn't speak. She left the office. I had to deliver the news. I had to deliver the news.

[A]

Can you tell us how you broke it?

[D]

Yeah. You want to do a reenactment with jelly roll?

[A]

Yeah, Jelly roll.

[D]

Let's see it. Is that okay?

[A]

Yeah, absolutely. No, we love this.

[E]

Sit.

[J]

Ma', am, sit down. I just. I wanted to. There's no easy way to say this. He dead? He died.

[A]

He's.

[J]

He's dead.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[E]

Dead.

[A]

Somebody say, When you broke the news to her, did you leave out the part like, did. Did she ask how did she. I mean, she had no idea.

[J]

We didn't know. We.

[D]

Man, tell us. Dude. Dude, we all came here tonight.

[J]

We didn't know at the time he shot his face with a shotgun.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

God. Bro.

[J]

Well, hold on. I blame. So his neighbors didn't hear anything. That's fucking wild. His neighbors were just like, I don't. That's not my business. Like, what a fucking. That's nuts.

[A]

Did you happen to tell the mom that his body was decomposing from months before he was found?

[J]

Yeah, no, I did. I kind of walked her through the beginning of the story. We had suspicions there was a smell in the apartment. We called the police. They found the body. Cause you never want one of your maintenance guys to walk in there and have that on their conscience. But I was sitting on the ground holding her hand while she. By the way, whales. I'll never be able to forget. They only gave me one day off of work.

[A]

Wow.

[D]

Who do you mean by they?

[J]

Well, I still have to work with them, so I'm gonna.

[A]

The old lord of the land. The land lord, Lord of all the lands.

[J]

I'm not lording over any land. I don't own any of this.

[A]

No, I know. I'm talking about there's a big rich

[J]

guy and he just tells me he's like, going to the apartments and I'm like, I don't.

[A]

We.

[J]

That's illegal. The rich people have no idea. Is this guy blind?

[A]

No.

[F]

No.

[J]

Okay, never mind.

[A]

That guy's blind though.

[J]

Okay.

[A]

Why, why are you curious about who's blind around you?

[D]

Black on the inside, black on the outside. You feel me?

[J]

You were way more cross eyed a second ago. Maybe you just relaxed a little too much. It's fine.

[A]

He was just trying to focus on you.

[J]

Yeah.

[A]

Sitting in the closest seat.

[J]

He's trying to look at both of my ears at the same time.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

So you found a dead body and that's a hell of a fucking. That's a hell of a thing.

[J]

Yeah. Hell of a thing. So the point I wanted to get to is I'm holding the mom's hand, she's wailing, she's crying, and I ask her, I'm trying to comfort her. I'm like, what's your name? And she's like, huh?

[A]

I'm gay. Oh, shit.

[J]

Her name is like Gaylord. But just the gay part. I tried not to laugh. That's not a. Yeah, that's a terror. It's so dark. But to be fair, he had been dead for like a month. Like, I was over it.

[A]

Right?

[J]

Yeah, I was over it. I was finding the humor.

[A]

Yeah.

[J]

We were already making jokes around the office that he was haunting the.

[A]

The place. Yeah.

[J]

And that's. That's that story. I'm sorry.

[A]

Oh, that's great. Fun stuff. Fun set, fun interview. Anthony Martin, ladies and gentlemen. Here you go, Anthony. Boom. Big joke book. There he goes. Let's get one more bucket pull out of here. Ladies and gentlemen, your final bucket poll of the night. Goes by the name of Gabriel Adam. Everybody, everybody. Gabriel Adams.

[M]

I. I recently learned, I don't think I just have to stand up here and make no jokes. And you guys would all be cracking up. I mean, I mean, this is great.

[A]

Honestly, I love this.

[M]

I recently learned there's some jokes you can't make in stand up comedy. Last week I did this joke about beating my girlfriend. This guy knows what's going on. And now I can't fucking find her. I'm not sure who went and told her, but somebody gave her the courage to leave and now I can't. I'm still trying to figure out how she chewed through the chains. That beaver tooth bitch Fucking. She nibbled away to my heart. I don't know what else to say. Seriously, though, if anybody sees her, tell her, come home.

[A]

Okay, There you go. Gabriel. Adam, one of the most interesting looking people we've ever seen in our lives. The verdict is in. You look hilarious. Theo Vaughn, Wonderful.

[D]

Give it up for comic McGregor right here. That was kind of cheap, man. I'm sorry. No, but it is nice. You come out and people, dude, the fact you got. You got 25 seconds of free laughs,

[A]

I mean, it's great.

[M]

It feels good.

[D]

Yeah. It probably made it a little bit easier. Did it?

[M]

No, not at all.

[A]

Oh, it is so exciting. Dang.

[D]

I was hoping that would have helped.

[A]

You never know who will pop out here. Having the Bucky's mascot come out right now is just absolutely incredible. Incredible.

[M]

I'm still waiting for that brand deal money. I mean, anytime now.

[A]

Very rare is someone both frightening and adorable at the same time. But somehow you kind of pull off both. Tell us about this life. I cannot wait to find out about this life.

[M]

Oh, God.

[A]

How old are you?

[M]

I'm 31 years old.

[A]

Okay, 31.

[C]

Wow.

[D]

You look great. You do. He looks good. Looks, I mean, pretty good.

[A]

I don't look at you. Look at guys.

[M]

It's the Lucky Charms. You know, I keep eating them.

[A]

Okay, so let's talk about it. Where are you from?

[M]

I'm from Austin, Minnesota.

[D]

Whoa.

[A]

Okay. All right.

[D]

Yeah.

[M]

You guys don't know where that is. Don't lie.

[A]

Okay. Where do you live now?

[M]

I live in Austin, Texas now.

[A]

Okay. How long have you lived here?

[M]

I've been here for about a month and a half.

[A]

What made you move here?

[M]

Your show.

[A]

Okay. How long have you been doing stand up?

[M]

A month and a half.

[A]

Okay, so you started a month and a half ago. This is amazing. We're getting down to the bottom of it. I love it. Do you have a job here in Austin yet?

[M]

I do. I'm an Uber driver.

[A]

Amazing.

[M]

Yeah.

[A]

Is that what you did in Austin, Minnesota as well?

[M]

No, no, no, no, not at all. I was a car salesman.

[A]

Okay. What kind of cars were you selling?

[M]

I started with Subarus and then I Went to Fords and then I went to Kia's and wanted to kill myself, so I stopped.

[A]

Wow.

[E]

Why'd you choose those?

[M]

Well, Subaru in Minnesota is super easy to sell.

[A]

Yeah, all wheel drive, everybody. Liberal bulldikes up there, so. Yeah. And then you went to Ford, so you had to sell to actual men. I'd imagine that was hard. Yeah. So you're like, I'm going to Kia's and.

[M]

Well, it was complicated actually.

[F]

I had a.

[M]

A fling with one of the clerks behind the desk and it turned out kind of bad.

[A]

So is that at Ford or Kia?

[M]

That was at Ford.

[A]

Yeah.

[M]

Yeah.

[D]

Well, you seem like a character from Tires, dude. You really do. I mean that as a compliment, dude.

[M]

Yeah, I take it as a compliment.

[D]

Like a character.

[M]

Hell yeah.

[D]

Hell yeah.

[M]

I love that show.

[A]

Amazing. Absolutely. So what kind of drugs have you done in your Life to look 55 at 31?

[F]

I've done.

[M]

I've done pretty much every drug under the sun, my friend. Yes, sir.

[A]

Absolutely.

[D]

And what was your doc? Is that what you guys call it? Yeah, what was your doc?

[M]

I don't know what that means.

[F]

Drug of choice.

[M]

Oh, LSD all day.

[A]

Wow.

[F]

Really?

[A]

Yeah, it looks like it.

[O]

Thank you.

[A]

Looks like. It looks like you rode here from Minnesota on a rocket ship. Yeah, like riding. Riding it just like. Ah, stop.

[M]

I like feel figured if they can send a million of them to Ukraine, I could borrow one.

[F]

When is the last time you did lsd?

[M]

About two months ago.

[F]

Tell me about it.

[M]

That was an interesting experience. I watched this documentary on Liquid or paper? Paper.

[A]

Really?

[M]

Yes, sir.

[F]

Okay, let's go.

[M]

1995.

[A]

Fear and Loathing in Minnesota.

[D]

Old fashioned. And he's a romanticist.

[A]

So what'd you do after taking the paper acid in Minnesota?

[M]

Well, I had this really sick 4k home theater setup. So I had this like 128 inches of beautiful, glorified. You know, it was a. Initiation. It's this documentary on Gaia about like the dimensions and how fucking life is put together and it was beautiful. I like shot out of my body like four times and came back just laughing hysterically.

[A]

Wow, Great. Sounds like a blast.

[M]

Hell yeah.

[A]

Did you notice that you looked different after that trip?

[M]

It fucking changed me, that's for goddamn sure.

[A]

Absolutely, yeah. Incredible. What's your love life like?

[M]

Oh, it's non existent right now. I signed up for Sex Addicts Anonymous recently just to kind of see if I could meet somebody there. That was. It was a terrible idea.

[D]

Did you really?

[M]

I swear to God.

[D]

How'd you Sign up. I think there's a lot of zooms you can just go to.

[M]

Well, when I showed up, I actually walked through the wrong door and it was just like five geriatric, like 80 year old people. And I was really concerned at first, you know, it turned out to be an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting there, but just a bunch of gay dudes talking about getting fucked in the butt a lot.

[A]

Oh, shit. That's where we met. I knew I recognized you from somewhere. You're the guy. Guy that walked in and came out. There you go. Thank you. Red bands. One fart noise per episode. Beautiful. Amazing.

[D]

So.

[A]

Wow. That's who goes to sex addict.

[M]

People that look like me, apparently.

[A]

Amazing. What made you go to that? Like, what makes you think that you're a sex addict?

[M]

You know, sometimes I think I look a little bit too long at the

[A]

gym, you know, like staring at women at the gym?

[M]

Yeah, you know, like.

[A]

Sure.

[D]

That.

[A]

That doesn't bother them at all when

[M]

they don't see me doing it. No, usually they.

[A]

Where do you like to hide? What do you hide behind when you do it? What's your favorite hiding spot? At the gym to watch women work out. First time I've asked that question in 13 years.

[M]

Oh, beautiful. Glad we can get some firsts. Just whatever machine I'm using, you know, just kind of peek a little bit behind, you know?

[A]

Right.

[M]

I'm actually pretty blatant about it. I really don't hide it.

[L]

I just.

[A]

Right, that's good. I like that. But you haven't been with a woman since you've been in Austin.

[M]

I have not. No. I've had a few in my car, but that's because I drive.

[A]

Have you kissed a woman since you've been in Austin?

[M]

No, I haven't kissed.

[A]

You know what? We have a little statement. We're coming up towards the end of the episode. We've been doing a thing on this show for 13 years where we asked if a lovely lady from the audience has the courage. We have the best fan base in the world. So if there's a lady out there that wants to give this guy his first Austin kiss, now's the time to stand up. Is there a lady out here that you have to volunteer yourself? You can't just point at random women.

[D]

No shame to put a wig on again, huh? Get.

[A]

How can there. Look at this guy. How can there not be a woman that wants to kiss this guy? Really? Nobody? I literally see actual hookers in the audience and none of them will do

[M]

this, I guess Bucky mascot is not the best celebrity lookalike.

[A]

Well, I mean, there's nothing more depressing than no woman wanting to.

[D]

There's not that many women in here.

[A]

Well, kind of is. I'm seeing a lot other than this table of dudes. The queen of Kel, Tony. The lovely Heidi, ladies and gentlemen. Wow. My goodness. How do you feel, my friend?

[M]

I have to like, pinch myself, I think. I don't know the whole thing. Unbelievable.

[A]

Amazing. Absolutely incredible. Congratulations to you, Gabriel, Adam. Anything else for Gabriel, guys?

[D]

Nope. Nice to see you today.

[M]

I'll see you at the next one.

[F]

Listen, man, I think you were hilarious. Hilarious, man. I wish you the best, brother. I think you've only been doing it a while, you said, but yeah, I think you're gonna kill it. Keep doing.

[M]

I appreciate that.

[A]

I gotta tell you, I agree with. I agree with jelly roll here. For doing it a month and a half, you have a really, really clever brain. Even the thing about, you know, going signing up for a sex addicts class just to meet women like you have an interesting brain. And I think you moved here for good reason. Where I don't always say that to a lot of people, but you have anyone who has a good eye for premises. This is. This early on, you'll always get better at doing it and writing it in your way. And for a month and a half, it's fantastic. So you're leaving here with a big joke book, my friend. There he goes. Gabriel, Adam, everybody. Yeah, we will. Ladies and gentlemen, there's only one way to end an episode like this, everybody. And William. Oh, my goodness. How about one more time for Heidi, everyone? What a legend. What a team player. The great William Montgomery is under the weather today, everyone. Yet again.

[D]

He owes me money. That's why.

[A]

Yet again. However, William, I do believe makes a cameo in Bus Boys out this Friday.

[D]

Yep. Whitney Montgomery's in Bus Boys.

[A]

Cam Patterson makes an appearance a lot of the kill Tony family. Casey Rocket, the man, the myth. He'll be back soon.

[F]

Support the movie, y'. All.

[A]

Support the movie.

[F]

Theo Davis Bay Bus Boys don't this up.

[A]

But before we get out of here, even though William's under the weather, I do have an extremely special treat for you. He might be one of the top rising comedians in the world. He might be one of the the best. Already, if you ask me, this kid has been crushing theaters all around the United States of America. You've seen his rise here on Kiltoni. A monster and one day a citizen of the United States of America. But he remains the Estonian Assassin. This is Ari Matty,

[D]

sa.

[O]

Are we doing good? You shouldn't, because a war is coming. Fuck, just my luck. As soon as I get citizenship, draft it. Just yesterday. You guys know that America raised its age limit to 42 for the draft and prior marijuana convictions don't matter. Wow, what an army you're building. Bunch of 40 year old losers. You know, in Estonia we don't have any limits. We have compulsory military service. We're too small to pick. Everyone goes wheelchair people, we send them, oh yeah. We put a grenade in your lap

[A]

and come on,

[O]

Down syndrome people, we send them, oh yeah. We have a whole squad Estonian special forces. You think special forces means somebody rappels down and has night vision? Nods Nicholas with a soft serve ice cream scream, We send them. We get them all together in a parking lot, we connect them with a

[F]

rope,

[O]

we look them in the eyes and we tell them, listen, they killed Santa Claus. Everybody goes cripples, mentally challenged, even women. Gay people, we send them. I know you guys don't do that. By the way, the only way I'm going to war is if I have a gay squad mate. I'm protecting that more than the medic. He's the only one sucking dick back at the base.

[A]

Dylan, get behind me.

[O]

I'm saving Dylan's life. No, left behind. Thank you so much.

[A]

That's my time, God damn. Exactly three minutes. Doing triple the work that he had to do. Rocking the joint harder than it's been rocked all night. The freak of nature, the Estonian assassin doing it his way. So many funny beats in there, man. And you got called today out of nowhere.

[O]

Yeah, I couldn't pick one subject so I just threw them all out there.

[A]

I love it, man.

[O]

Needs a better ending.

[A]

But I'll figure it out, dude. Yeah, you will figure it out. I missed you so much, Ari. Miss being on the road so much. Yeah, Ari's doing a thing right now where he's doing so good on the road that he's adding shows on Mondays. Which is what, just pretty much unprecedented. Exactly. Right. Like he's like staying and adding shows and getting crazy deals. It's amazing.

[D]

He's a killer, man. He deserves it.

[A]

Y.

[D]

Thank you.

[F]

Amen.

[A]

Amen.

[O]

Thank you, Jelly roll. Holy. You look so good, man.

[F]

Thank you, Ari. Thank you, baby.

[O]

Did you like Ozempicate or No?

[F]

No, I actually did it the old fashioned way with the God. Yeah, yeah, with the Lord work and ate a bunch.

[A]

Did you get a lot of haters

[D]

that, like I was implicated People that hate you for doing it that way kind of.

[F]

No, no, I just get people that just like. I won't accept that I did it any other way. You know what I mean?

[D]

Cheaters.

[O]

Yeah, Ozempic cheaters looking.

[F]

I don't mind it though. Listen, man, all jokes aside, if you're like, dude, I was like dying fat. If you're dying fat, dude, anything to get the weight off. Shoot the shot, baby, go true.

[A]

You hear that, Red Band? It's never too late.

[F]

I will say. When Red band hugged me, you could see he had a moment of self awareness. I felt it in his hug. Cuz he looked me in the eye and you could tell. He said, man, I'm proud of you. And then a little sadness was in his eyes.

[B]

I was like.

[F]

It made me feel bad a little bit between. I shouldn't even brought it up. I'm sorry.

[D]

I love you.

[F]

Horrible time. But I said fuck it. I theo'd out right there. I should have waited till we were backstage.

[A]

Absolutely perfect, Ari. Touring's been going good.

[O]

Yeah, I went to Florida for a month. I'm now addicted to pills.

[N]

Great.

[O]

Yeah, I went to Florida. It was so beautiful. Holy shit. I went to Fort Lauderdale. Great spot, you know. Yeah, I didn't like Miami too much. Everyone, you know, always hype. I don't like coked out, oiled up men, you know?

[D]

Yeah, sex trafficking.

[F]

Sex trafficking.

[O]

Oh well, I guess I'll go back adding shows in Miami all weekend, dude. Yeah, I saw like a fist fight at the beach, like between two guys. It was over a bungalow.

[A]

Yep, that's Miami.

[O]

It was like bungalows on the beach. And you know when bitches see bungalows, you know, so the bungalow was taken and the two guys and the two whores, they go to swim. They're. Oh yeah, they go to swim and then another two horse and two guys come take their bundle so their fucking fist speedos on.

[A]

Just fuck.

[O]

It's my bungalow,

[F]

dude.

[O]

How angry do you have to be? Yeah, you're coming out of a refreshing ocean and you're combat ready. Dude, if I come out of an ocean, you could be raping my mom in the bungalow.

[A]

Dude, you're chill. I'll be like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[O]

Everyone slow down.

[D]

What's up?

[O]

Yeah, Miami has super coked out. I'm not into that. I like Naples. Old people love them love old fox. Feels good when you're like. When you know you're like on a beach and you can just murder everyone on the beach. Rule a peninsula.

[A]

No one's stealing your bungalow. They there. What else did I do?

[O]

Oh, I went to a Nike outlet store.

[A]

Oh, tell us about an Estonian's experience at a Nike outlet store.

[O]

Yeah, I didn't know Nike has that. Yeah, like shitty ass products that don't do it. We just have the Nike store, which, by the way, looking at the things there, I think we get the outlet just without the word. So I go in packed.

[C]

Packed with black people.

[F]

Packed.

[O]

Me and the cashier are only white people there. I shoot. I see two big black bitches at the register. And when you see two big black women at the register, you know there's going to be an issue. You know this ain't gonna go smoothly.

[D]

Preach, honkey.

[O]

Dude, as soon as I open the door, I just yell, you.

[A]

Last time I was your piece of shit.

[O]

They were trying to return an item,

[C]

dude.

[O]

They're trying to return like some shorts and those shorts look like they've been to Ukraine.

[C]

Dude.

[O]

They're just yelling little like, white girl just at the register.

[A]

I'm sorry, that's an Adidas.

[O]

Just so I can. You know, before moving to America, I wasn't a racist. But after two years of living here, I'm beginning to see some patterns.

[A]

That's how it happens. That's how you get your citizenship. That's the final test. You have to be racist. Ari, Matty, your tour continues on and on. It's without a doubt.

[O]

I'm in Nashville soon, guys.

[A]

I'll see you there, my friends. Yes. Yeah, the boys will be there.

[O]

I love you, Theo.

[A]

I love you, Jelly. Make some noise for the great Ari. Maddie. Ladies and gentlemen, Bunk Boys. Go see it this Friday in theaters. Support real comedians making real comedy movies again. It's out this Friday, April 17th. Catch Jelly Roll here in Austin, 23rd April, and us at the Greek Theater. We're doing it together, buddy. Hell yeah, baby. We're gonna have a lot of fun there. That's gonna be a crazy week again. One more time for Shane Gillis, who's hosting the roast of Kevin Hart. That's going to be May 10th. Theo Vaughn.

[D]

Yep. I want to give a shout out to my producers that are here tonight. Zach Powers and Nick Davis and Chin SUNY up there from Fighter in the Kid. I want to say thank you guys for all the effort in making podcasts happen over the years. And yeah, thank you guys so much for just letting me be a part of this and. What a dude.

[A]

So cool.

[D]

I love you too, man. Thank you. I needed this today and so thank everybody for being here. Praise God.

[A]

Jelly Roll. I love y'. All. Thanks for letting me be one of the musicians to get a sit on the panel.

[F]

Austin.

[A]

Tony, I love you. Congratulations on what?

[E]

You built the kill Tony bed.

[A]

Red Bear, man. Y' all deserve it more than anybody in the world. Y' all give it up for the evil genius, Tony Hitchlip, baby. My dear friend. And a shout out to our production team. And we never get to shout out enough the great Sarah Sloan. I, everybody. Colt, Monica, Steve, Dusty, Billy, everybody. Red Band.

[F]

I'll be in San Diego July 9th

[A]

through 11th at the American Comedy Co.com Love you guys. You get it. We're everywhere. Catch us in Vegas at Wrestlemania Los Angeles at the Intuit Dome, New York City, Madison Square Garden, August 7th and 8th. And one last time, thank you to shopify, talk space, prize picks and quote and go see Busboys this Friday. Thank you. Good night, everybody. We love you, Sam. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to [e-mail] Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan, equivalent to $15 per month required. Intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full [e-mail] with VRBoCare. Help is always ready before, during and after your stay.

[B]

We've planned for the plot twists, so support is always available because a great trip starts with peace of mind.

[A]

Liberty Mutual customizes your car and home insurance. And now we're customizing this rush hour ad to keep you calm, which could help your driving. And science says therapy is great for a healthy mindset. So enjoy this 14 second session on us. I think you've done everything right and absolutely nothing wrong. In fact, anything that hasn't gone your way could probably be blamed on your father not being emotionally available because his father wasn't emotionally available and so on. And now that you're calm and healing, you're probably driving better too.

[D]

Liberty.

[A]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.