#767 - LUIS J GOMEZ + ARI SHAFFIR + PEYTON RUDDY

Summary

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Kill Tony #767 – LUIS J GOMEZ + ARI SHAFFIR + PEYTON RUDDY

Date: May 11, 2026
Venue: Comedy Mothership, Austin, TX
Guests: Luis J. Gomez, Ari Shaffir, Peyton Ruddy
Hosts: Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban
Regulars/Band: Dedrick Flynn, Winston Marshall (banjo), Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa, Matt Muling, John De, D Madness

Overview

This episode of Kill Tony features a stacked panel with returning favorites Luis J. Gomez, Ari Shaffir, and first-time panelist Peyton Ruddy. The show retains its signature live energy from Austin's Comedy Mothership, with comedians getting 60 seconds to perform and then being roasted and interviewed by the panel. The episode is rich with unexpected moments, punchy crowd work, and plenty of riffing between the hosts, guests, and comics from the bucket.

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Main Themes and Dynamics

• Comedic Tryouts & Roasts: Both newcomers and veterans pull their names from "the bucket," delivering one-minute sets followed by interviews ranging from encouraging to brutal.
• Panelist Chemistry: The dynamic between Tony, Luis, Ari, and Peyton drives much of the fun, with layered quickfire jokes, inside comedy references, and playful jabs.
• Recurring Bits: Notable comic "lookalikes" (Mitch Hedberg style mimicry), running gags about Jewish comedians, extended jokes about sexual preference, weight loss, racial/immigrant experiences, and ongoing Skankfest plugs.
• Surprise Drop-Ins: Wee Man from Jackass pops in for a cameo, adding to the show's rowdy, unpredictable spirit.

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Key Segments, Insights, & Memorable Moments

Panel Introduction & Banter

• [04:33] All three guests are introduced; Tony praises Ari’s new storytelling show, Luis plugs Skankfest, Peyton is hailed as the "future" of comedy.
• Jokes fly about the band ("Nachos Belgrande," "Tres Leches") and regular Dedrick Flynn being a “Dark Storm” on stage.

Opening Regular Set – Dedrick Flynn

• [07:59] Dedrick Flynn delivers a high-energy set on the importance of silliness and classic “silly laughs.” Rapid-fire, crowd-pleasing punchlines set the mood.
• Quote: "Guys, what happened to silly people? ... I just wanna be silly. And uncross your arms, nigga. Silly up." – Dedrick Flynn [08:00]

Comedians from the Bucket

Unlike most episodes, this one features a string of memorable bucket comics, each one followed by thorough panel interviews and roasting.

Tom Frank

• [12:47] Jokes about his gypsy heritage, difficulty answering questions, and being called fat in school.
• Panel presses him for specifics; roasted for vague answers and old-timey explorer looks.
• Highlight: "Why do you look like an old timey explorer? ... Like you'd be standing at the front of a ship ready to take over some African country?" – Luis J. Gomez [14:24]

Chris Jurassimo

• [21:22] Dynamo with jokes about Greek heritage and high schoolers roasting him ("You seem toxic as fuck").
• Reveals dad died in front of him, did CPR – a rare, poignant moment amidst comedy.
• Quote: “No mouth to mouth. Like, don't worry. ... He's not Tom Brady or anything.” – Chris [27:22]
• The panel balances sympathy and comic relief with increasingly absurd questions.

Keegan Carmichael

• [30:02] Performs one-liner, Hedberg-style jokes ("If you get cheese on a burrito, it's free queso...").
• Discussion: Is he too close to Mitch Hedberg’s act? Panel challenges him to branch out.
• Quote: "Why would I do something that makes people stop talking about me?" – Keegan Carmichael [37:12]
• Gets offered a spot on the Secret Show.

Adam Malave

• [41:24] Jokes about 9/11 birthdays and trays of cupcakes. Roasted for delivery and RFK Jr. style voice.
• Claims 70 sexual partners at age 24; panel skeptical and relentless.
• Quote: "Can't believe that in just 24 years you've been able to bed 70 women. That's crazy." – Peyton Ruddy [48:14]

Royal Oats

• [49:37] Strong material about steroids, small balls, and holidays for Black Americans. Flashes his OJ Simpson tattoo, a wild moment.
• Reveals he did time for drug trafficking, got out due to a dirty cop:
• Quote: “At one point in my life, I was doing life without in prison.” – Royal Oats [58:59]

Sir John

• [63:02] Nepalese comic named "Surgeon," jokes about being named after jobs. Knocks himself for precise timing, discusses his immigrant story and life in Dallas.
• Panel Highligts: Running joke about brown people in Texas and lottery immigration.

Stephanie Ann

• [81:00] Detroit comic, recently divorced, major weight loss transformation. Candid about men, sex, GLP-1 usage, raising an autistic son, and being a claims adjuster.
• Quote: “I've just lost a ton of weight with gastric sleeve surgery. For those of you who don't know... But don't worry, boys. I can still fit 8 inches down my throat.” [81:20]

Miranda Meadows

• [111:42] LA Comedy Store door girl, sets about molestation, lesbian sex, and squirt jokes. Panel riffs on lesbian sex logistics and toy collections.
• Quote: “When I was a kid, I used to have nightmares. And I’d pee the bed. And recently, I found out I’m a squirter.” – Miranda [111:43]

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Special Segments

Drum-Off – Keenan Womack v. Michael Gonzalez

• [101:32] Stand-up Keenan challenges resident drummer Michael to a “Mexican Drum-Off.” Michael defends his throne with an explosive solo.
• Audience-decided winner: Michael.

Wee Man (Jackass) Pop-In

• [120:18] Wee Man drops by, teases the new Jackass movie, shares stories (blowing up a park, finger injuries).
• Quote: “This time we went ... shot for five days. That’s it. We got 40 minutes. That’s over half the movie in five days.” – Wee Man [123:02]

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Notable Quotes & Banter

• Luis J. Gomez [31:24] on Keegan Carmichael: "Mitch is dead and here you are. So if it's the ghost of Mitch, I'll take it."
• Ari Shaffir [63:46] on sobriety: "It’s been four months since I last said the N word."
• Peyton Ruddy [119:18] on Miranda’s vibe: "You have the energy like you should have a slingshot and a frog in your pocket."
• Tony Hinchcliffe [48:53]: "When they see each other out in the wild. How about one more time for the lovely Heidi, everybody, clearing, saging the room of all those Jewy 911 jokes we just heard."
• Chris Jurassimo [27:16] after his father's death story: “And I hopped in, did CPR and...No mouth to mouth. Like, don't worry.”

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Skankfest & Project Plugs

• Multiple Times: High-energy pushes for Skankfest.com, Ari’s storytelling series "The End" (arishafir.com), Peyton's tour (peytonreadylive.com).
• Pat O’Neill, closing regular, is directly invited to Skankfest.

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Closing Set: Pat O’Neill

• [127:18] Slays with dark, tight-written jokes about masturbation, porn, the myth of “pretty lesbians,” and ancient Jews.
• Quote: "They saw Jesus Christ at the Last Supper picking up the tab for 12 other dudes. … And we're like, he must be God." [128:40]
• Heavy panel appreciation for his writing and uniqueness; invitation to Skankfest extended live.

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Timestamp Highlights

• 07:59 – Dedrick Flynn opening set
• 12:47 – Tom Frank (gypsy comedy, panel grilling)
• 21:22 – Chris Jurassimo (Greek/CPR story)
• 30:02 – Keegan Carmichael (Hedberg doppelgänger)
• 41:24 – Adam Malave (9/11 cupcakes, "body party")
• 49:37 – Royal Oats (prison story, OJ tattoo)
• 63:02 – Sir John ("Surgeon" from Nepal)
• 81:00 – Stephanie Ann (weight loss, insurance)
• 101:32 – Drum-Off: Keenan vs Gonzalez
• 111:42 – Miranda Meadows (molestation/lesbian jokes)
• 120:18 – Wee Man cameo
• 127:18 – Pat O’Neill closing set

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Summary of Show Energy & Tone

The episode is a classic, off-the-rails Kill Tony:

• Roasts are competitive but (mostly) good-natured.
• Plenty of inside-baseball for comedy nerds: process talk, style debates, and industry ribs.
• The panel expertly balances mocking oddball comics and offering moments of genuine encouragement and advice.
• Luis, Ari, and Peyton keep things edgy; Tony steers chaos toward hilarity.

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Final Thoughts

Episode #767 showcases everything Kill Tony fans expect: top-tier comedic riffing, razor-sharp roasts, unpredictable bucket comics (from first-timers to festival regulars), and real emotion sneaking in between hard laughs. The rare combo of Luis J. Gomez, Ari Shaffir, and new panelist Peyton Ruddy proves potent, and drop-ins like Wee Man give the night extra electricity.

Skankfest, Tony’s arena shows, and the community’s cross-country hustle are all alive and well — as is the tradition of laughing at yourself and everybody else who tries to be funny.

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For more, see:

• Skankfest.com, arishafir.com, peytonreadylive.com
• [Watch on YouTube]
• [Episode sponsors: Shopify, Talk Space, ZipRecruiter]

Transcript

[Redband]

Hey, this is Redband and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out tonyhinchcliffe.com for everything. The Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe. You can also check out Shopsquad TV for Death Squad merch hats, mugs, whatever. Shopsquad tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Redneck.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Coming you live from the comedy mothership

[Redband]

here in Austin, Texas, for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get it for Tony.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's close.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who said he's got the best night of their lives, huh? Makes a noise for Brian right there, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, yeah. And that's the best damn band in all the land. Make some noise for them, huh? Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa. That's Tres Leches on the horns.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You had Michael Gonzalez in the mix.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's Nachos Belgrande. Joining the band tonight, the banjo player from Mumford and Sons, and unbelievable artist Winston Marshall, ladies and gentlemen. Huge part of the Kil Tony family. We know him, we love him. The homie Big SW for Matt Muling on the electric guitar, John De on the keys. And believe it or not, that man sitting right there, that's not Adam Ray. That's D Madness. Live in the flesh, everybody. The backbone, the eyes and ears of the band.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What an episode we have for you. This is indeed the number one live podcast in the world, brought to you by Shopify, Talk Space, and ZipRecruiter. This is Kill Tony. And here is a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that make the whole thing possible. Hello there, everyone. This podcast is sponsored by Saily. Whether you're hitting the road for a comedy tour, just trying to escape the country for a vacation, getting off a long flight and realizing your phone doesn't have Internet is an absolute nightmare. That's where Saily comes in. Redband.

[Redband]

Tony, I love Saly. Think of it as your new travel buddy. It's a super simple EIM app that keeps you connected in over 200 places around the world.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And if you don't know what an EIM is, it's just a digital SIM card. That means no more swapping out those tiny plastic cards. No more waiting in line at the airport, no more getting scammed by weird kiosks outside the train station. You just download the Saily app once, pick an affordable data plan, and you're instantly connected. Say goodbye to Those insane expensive roaming fees get an exclusive 15% discount on saily data plans. When you use code Kill Tony at checkout, download the Saily app or go to saily.com kill Tony ready to soundtrack

[Sponsor Voice 1]

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[Louis J. Gomez]

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[Keenan Womack]

From breaking news to shareable jokes, pop

[Louis J. Gomez]

culture bites to viral food spots, it's all on TikTok. Download TikTok now to explore

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

who's ready to start tonight's show, huh? Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to say you have three guests tonight. The rare triple threat guest lineup. Two of them are two of the

[Louis J. Gomez]

most used guests in the show's history. One of them is first time brand spanking new on panel because I think he's one of the funniest people on earth. Coming up the ranks, truly one of the top young rising comedians in the world.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your three guests tonight.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ari Shafir, Louis J. Gomez and Peyton Ruddy. Oh, my God. It's Ari Shafir. The real deal. Luis J. Gomez. And introducing to the kill Sony universe, Peyton. Ready, everybody? Peyton. Ready, everybody? Rhymes.

[Ari Shaffir]

I legitimately did that hat back. It's all fun and games. I got that at bodega. It's a.

[Peyton Ruddy]

It's a.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Don't give it back. What are you doing?

[Peyton Ruddy]

Keep it. He's a legend. Oh, come on. Oh, my God. I understand you don't want to touch anything that has been on a Jew's head, but just throw it away.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He needs that hat so he can get through the tunnel quicker.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's aerodynamic fear. Ladies and gentlemen, is here. My big brother. Everyone's big brother in this. The end is out now. He's back with a brand new storytelling series. It's available at arishafir.com so many great comedians on it. I'm on it.

[Ari Shaffir]

You're on it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Shane Gillis is on it. Nate Bargazi. The list goes on and on. It's must see TV. Available now at arishafir.com the end.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Louis J. Gomez is back, everybody. The master and grand leader of the skank fest world Skankfest.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Tickets are [e-mail] might be sold out by the time this gets out. If they're not, make sure you get them. It is the comedy file.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Be there.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Red Ban. I'll be there. Everyone's there. It's a crazy big dirty sweaty fun festival.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And Peyton.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Ready, everybody. It's his first time. Look how adorable this sweet boy is.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Speaking of dirty and sweaty and fun.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Hey, thanks for having me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, we're happy to have you. His tour, my best work [e-mail] for tickets, go see him. This is the future right here. You're seeing him for the first time on kil. Tony Peyton. Ready, everybody. Follow him on Instagram at Peyton Oradi Comedy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's ruddy. And we're going to have so much fun. One more time this episode episode is

[Louis J. Gomez]

brought to you by Shopify, Talk Space and ZipRecruiter. You guys know how it works. Over 200 innocent souls, some of them not innocent at all, some of them guilty of many crimes, signed up for tonight's show. Anything can happen.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's funny to do a zip recruiter thing with a bunch of guys who haven't had jobs in years.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's true. We're gonna find out all about it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They get 60 seconds uninterrupted.

[Louis J. Gomez]

If I pull their name out of the bucket, you know their time is up. And you're the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. I'm gonna let this guy that looks like if you put one of Donald Trump's sons in a microwave pull the. There you go, sir. There you go. Very exciting. Send it along. We go wrangle that person. And while we wrangle the first comedian,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

we're going to have one of our great regulars do a brand new set. Sometimes this guy does over a minute. He never calls out sick. He never misses a set.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're watching one of the great comedians

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

of the future grow in front of your very eyes. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a guy that was once known as the Dark Storm of Atlanta. He's now known as the Dark Storm of Austin, Texas. This is a brand new set from the great Dedrick Flynn, everybody.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Guys, what happened to silly people? Like everybody in this country just wanna be upset or the sadness or the madness. And I just wanna be silly. And uncross your arms, nigga. Silly up. You see what I'm talking about? Why are you. You ain't come a good time. You laughing through your team. What happened to the silly laughs that used to. We used to have goofy ass laughs at comedy.

[Adam Malave]

Niggas be.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Y' all don't even do that no more. Do y' all remember. Do y' all remember silly Jews? Do y' all remember Jews were the silliest people in America? Larry David and Seinfeld and Sarah Silverman Finance. Y' all remember that? Just fucking Ahrii went into the wilderness for a year because he couldn't be silly anymore. And we just need to just let that out. I don't know why. I just wanted to say that so I could do this silly joke real fast that I wrote down just to get y' all to mindset day. And your ex is a lot like reheating french fries. All right, I'm do the next one. Sir, you ever been hit with the rocket ship effect? The rocket ship effect? You know what that is? That's when you see somebody who thinks attractive and they walking towards you, and you're like, oh, that's a 10, 9, 8, 7. All right, y', all, that's my time. I love y'.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All. Damn. He's done it again. 1 minute, 22 seconds from Dedrick Flynn.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Very funny. I love it. Hell, yeah. Louis J. Gomez.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Dedrick, always so funny.

[Dedrick Flynn]

You're.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're hilarious, but you are dressed like

[Peyton Ruddy]

a bumper sticker on a pickup truck in Texas,

[Dedrick Flynn]

usa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very patriotic.

[Ari Shaffir]

Just got here from Nigeria and is trying to pretend he's a. I love the yankees,

[Dedrick Flynn]

I hate Jo hat.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Very bad welcome. Dedrick, you got a little rabbit's foot over there.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah, some lady at the cause, we went to WrestleMania after the show. She came up to me, she's like,

[Louis J. Gomez]

this is for you.

[Dedrick Flynn]

And then she didn't give anybody else one, so I just wanted to just. Oh, you got one, too. Oh, she didn't give it to us at the same time you was back there breaking down the drum set. You didn't. Why you ain't wearing it? Why you got it in your pocket ready to go? Is it supposed to be in your pocket?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Supposed to be right here where it's supposed to be.

[Dedrick Flynn]

All right, don't.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

I mean, wow. I mean, dude, I'm a big guy, but I've never clipped my dinner to my belt after I'm done eating. Ooh, I'm going to save some of this for their top.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, hey, Peyton Ruddy has arrived.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I love it.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Them buttons is fighting for their life, Peyton.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I would always do it.

[Dedrick Flynn]

You look like Mikey from Recess grown up. I would not do it. See, we're silly. We're friends. I know him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're just.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Your chain is too tight, buddy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That is too tight. What's going on over there?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've been doing math workouts?

[Dedrick Flynn]

I do a lot of push ups. You wouldn't know nothing about this. I. I do a lot of push ups when I. When I'm at home because I want to feel like I'm back in jail so I can work harder.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You do push ups with your neck? Yeah, I love it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Double up the chain. Is it like around twice?

[Dedrick Flynn]

No, it's two step. So stop counting the gold.

[Ari Shaffir]

How many runs are there?

[Louis J. Gomez]

How many specific carries?

[Dedrick Flynn]

How much would you give me for it on your New York strip market? Ma,

[Peyton Ruddy]

it looks like the most expensive lynching ever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's good. I like that a lot.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Thank you so much for that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I appreciate you.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Thank you so much. You look like the top of a s' more with your graham cracker skin and that dumbass marshmallow hat on.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Now I like you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you get cold from there.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Are you bald? Is that why you're wearing that car heart?

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

You don't.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, there it is.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Scared of being bald? Just let it go, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Deadrick, you got the show started yet again, ladies and gentlemen. I love you to do it every week. Not an easy job, but he did it again. The great Dedrick Flynn, everybody. And it has begun. To the bucket we go. Everyone. This is where gets crazy. We're gonna meet people all together. A lot of it's gonna be their first time. Maybe it's someone who's been on before. Maybe they bombed last time they were on and they're here for redemption. Maybe they did good and this time it didn't go so good. Maybe they did good twice in a row. Anything can. The whole thing's improvised. Make some noise for your first bucket pool. It's Tom Frank, everyone. Here comes Tom Frank.

[Tom Frank]

That's right, Tom Frank. No relation, but I'm gonna try and lock in right now like that gray woman. My name is. I'm a gypsy. Yeah, that just means I have a hard time answering simple questions like, where you from? What are you doing here? And have you seen my dog? Yeah, my family's from Czechoslovakia. Yeah, back then wasn't a good time to be Jewish, so. Turns out gypsy is just a Jew that lost their documents. Still sucked.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But a lot of people like to

[Tom Frank]

remind me, hey, that's not a country. Like, thanks for reminding me. I don't have a home. Right? Yeah, we should have been clever and named it something that Would stick like Israel. Then it would still be around and real today.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Right.

[Tom Frank]

But I'm a little suspicious, you know, I think like, Greenland is an iceberg turkey, it's full of cats. And then whenever the immigrants come to the border, Hungary is like, sorry, we're full. But it was easy growing up with immigrant parents. Actually, they were clever, you know, they knew enough. Kids at school were calling me a fat retard. Why would they pay money for me to hear that from a professional? I used to be fat, but still stupid. So the school system is broken, but fat shaming works.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Tom crying.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How you doing, Tom?

[Tom Frank]

It's a good day to be alive.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right.

[Ari Shaffir]

How is it though, with you guys?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, how long you been doing standup comedy?

[Tom Frank]

Longer than. Than I should be.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You want to answer the question?

[Tom Frank]

Yeah, like six years, on and off.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay, six years. And why do you look like an old timey explorer? I look like you'd be standing at the front of a ship ready to take over some African country or something like that.

[Tom Frank]

I just got back from a festival, you know.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What was the festival?

[Tom Frank]

Peak State. You know, Brent Pella?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Nope. Oh, yeah. What. What's that? Festival.

[Tom Frank]

He made a movie at a festival about a festival. It's pretty cool.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Doesn't sound cool at all. How many people go to this festival?

[Tom Frank]

Like 500.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's pretty good.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Is it like. Is there music? What goes on at the festival?

[Tom Frank]

Yeah, all the fixings, you know, cosplay and dancing and, I don't know, camping, Pretending homeless.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Sounds like skank fest to me, Tom. Frank, what do you do for a living?

[Tom Frank]

I'm a tour guide.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Of what? What kind of tours are you giving?

[Tom Frank]

Go hiking.

[Ari Shaffir]

Do you give tours of the Boogie Night set?

[Tom Frank]

I go to the nature.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Tom Frank]

Go hiking in the parks.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You give tours to nature?

[Royal Oats]

Of course.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. You get paid to give tours to nature?

[Tom Frank]

Drive people around, walk them up.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Where? Where exactly?

[Tom Frank]

The national parks. It's a beautiful country.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Peyton, are you making all this up on the spot right now? What the fuck are you talking about right now? Yeah, you know, I drive people around and.

[Tom Frank]

I told you I'm a gypsy, right? It's not so easy to answer.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What does that mean to you exactly?

[Tom Frank]

You're on the road.

[Peyton Ruddy]

We're all gypsies.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I guess so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, exactly.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right, Tom, what's the most interesting thing about you? You're on a podcast right now. You're barely answering questions honestly. Let's get to some meat and potatoes here. You got anything about you that you might find interesting.

[Tom Frank]

I speak a few languages.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Like what?

[Tom Frank]

Czech, Slovakian.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Are that two languages?

[Tom Frank]

It counts. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Why do you keep pronouncing it that way? Slovakia?

[Tom Frank]

Because we were the original slaves.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, the Achia part.

[Wee Man]

Slave.

[Ari Shaffir]

Akia, not slave. Ikea.

[Tom Frank]

Yeah, you know, classic white guy taking credit for slavery.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right. Okay, Tom, are you funnier in those languages?

[Tom Frank]

It's easier, you know, when they don't understand you and they just. You just got a funny face.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Right.

[Tom Frank]

Like in Brazil, they don't understand so much English, but they love it when a gringo dances.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay, Tom,

[Ari Shaffir]

he's got the vibe of. His last tour to the woods was with Gabby Petito.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

And right before he killed her, he went, my wife, she's a dad.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Tom, Frank, here's a little joke book. We're gonna keep it moving along. There he goes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tom Frank, everybody. Yeah. How about more? How about make some noise for Winston Marshall. I love a good banjo. Make some noise for the lovely Heidi, everybody. This is her alive in the flesh. Feast your eyes on the real deal. Go to heidyorgina.com a lot of fun stuff going on over there.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Isn't she the best?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We got cigars, we got drinks. It's a party here.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hello there. This podcast is sponsored by Shopify. Picture this. It's late at night, you're scrolling through your feeds when all of a sudden you see it. That one product you've been looking for. You click on the link, add to your cart, maybe even shop around a little before finally hitting checkout. As you're filling in your address, you realize you don't have your credit card anywhere near you. That's when you see it. The purple pay button that has all of your information saved, making checking out as simple as a simple tap of your screen. Red band Tony.

[Redband]

I love Shopify hits. The best business tool hands down. Get started with your own design studio. With hundreds of ready to use templates, Shopify helps you build a beautiful online story that matches your brand style, hands down, for sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that's right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Red band. Get the word out. Like you have a marketing team behind you. Easily create email and social media campaigns wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling. And best yet, Shopify is your commerce expert with world class expertise in everything from managing inventory to international shipping to processing returns and beyond. See less carts go abandoned and more sales go with Shopify and their shop pay button. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com. kill Tony. Go to shopify.com Kill Tony that's shopify.com Kill Tony shopify.com Kill Tony shopifY.com shopify.com Kilt Tony that's right. Go to shopify.com Kill Tony right now. Hello there. This podcast is sponsored by Talk Space. May is mental health awareness month. And Talk Space, the leading provider of online therapy, wants you to strengthen your relationships and know that a caring licensed therapist can help. It's easy to get started. You can easily sign up online and get paired with a licensed provider, typically within 48 hours. Talk space makes getting help convenient. You can take your appointments from the comfort and privacy of your own home and exchange text, voice or video messages with your therapist too. Talk Space makes makes it easy, accessible and affordable to face your challenges. Whether that's a mental health condition, relationship conflicts, past trauma or everyday stress. As you find so many people out of this bucket have you can find your path to move forward with resilience and peace. Plus, most insured members have a zero dollar copay. Now here's my man Red Band to tell you more about why he loves Talk Space.

[Redband]

Thanks, bro. Tony, I think Talk Space is providing some of the best mental health treatment out there you can find. Therapy has helped me transform.

[Royal Oats]

Hey. Whoa.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Redband]

Can't see. In so many meaningful ways, Tony, it

[Louis J. Gomez]

has helped you transform in so many meaningful ways. I mean, you lost £6 just this month eating sandwiches alone. That's beautiful.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red Band.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Take care of yourself this month and every month with Talk Space. Talk Space is in network with most major insurance plans, but if you pay out of pocket as a listener of this podcast, you'll get $80 off your first month with Talk Space. When you go to talkspace.comtony and enter promo code SPACE80. That's S, P A, C E. A match with a licensed therapist today. Go to talkspace.comtony and enter promo code SPACE80.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Make some noise for your next bucket poll, everybody. Looks like a new name to me. It's Chris Jurassimo, everyone. Thank you.

[Chris Jurassimo]

You nailed my last name. Jurassimo sounds like my dinosaur from Jurassic Park. Unfortunately, I have a neck long enough to also be a dinosaur from Jurassic Park. How funny that joke is really depends on where you're sitting. This guy had the perfect view over here. Careful. This is a splash zone. But it's a Greek name. You know, my people invented both democracy and anal. You're welcome, Tony. But it's a stereotype because in ancient Greece, the Spartans actually had gay sex. To help the army's team chemistry that's pretty crazy, right? To think that fucking your boys makes you fight better. How did they find that out? And how embarrassing was it? And they realized there's like no correlation between anal of the boys being better soldiers.

[Adam Malave]

That's just gay.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Chris Gerasimo, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome, welcome. Good set.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You got your cheap.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tony is gay. Check in there.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, it's fine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Made Lewis laugh really hard. This giant fucking seven year old retard for no reason whatsoever. It's a loophole in the show, according to you guys, where you just go,

[Louis J. Gomez]

hey, Tony loves anal and everybody laughs. So fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How exciting. Instead of it being a real show

[Louis J. Gomez]

about stand up comedy, there's just a blatant loophole and you just let people get away with it. You loved it too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I saw your Adam's apple get three

[Louis J. Gomez]

sizes bigger when you have them, you fucking freak.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome, Chris. How are you?

[Louis J. Gomez]

What is jurassimo? Is that Italian? What is that?

[Chris Jurassimo]

It's Greek.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Greek.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right.

[Chris Jurassimo]

It was the whole minute.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, perfect.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

I mean, Tony, why don't you pay attention, man?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We'll be right back.

[Ari Shaffir]

He was seething off that gay joke

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

and he was like, yes, furious. I couldn't hear anything before or after.

[Ari Shaffir]

Tony, your. Your neck looks like you tried to make a meme of yourself in chat. Gbt.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's Chris, by the way.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm Tony.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, yep,

[Adam Malave]

that'll.

[Ari Shaffir]

That'll hold the joke back.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Chris, it looks like you're always gulping.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Chris, how long you been on stand up?

[Chris Jurassimo]

Three years now.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Where at?

[Chris Jurassimo]

I'm from Windsor, Canada, but I live in Toronto now, so.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Ooh, big upgrade there. How's Toronto treating you?

[Chris Jurassimo]

It's fun. I got the Kill Tony boys. You got Jared and Kansai?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Yep. Those are your homies. You do shows with them a lot?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You eat a lot of Kansai's ramen?

[Chris Jurassimo]

Actually, my mom met Kansai because she stayed in my place and he bowed and my immigrant mom said, get up and laughed at him. Thought that was pretty racist.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But Chris, what do you do for a living?

[Chris Jurassimo]

I work for a nonprofit that has career days in high schools, so I travel around running career days.

[Ari Shaffir]

Most of the Kill Tony open micros work for a non profit.

[Chris Jurassimo]

Yeah, Yeah. I get bullied by high schoolers all the time. It's great.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What do they say about you?

[Chris Jurassimo]

There was this Asian chick that was really mean to me one time. I just said hi to her and she said, you seem toxic as fuck.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Chris Jurassimo]

And I bet your Ex is right about you.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Damn.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Amazing.

[Chris Jurassimo]

Got that girl.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Okay, Chris, so three years in stand up, you're in Toronto. How often do you get to make it to America?

[Chris Jurassimo]

Ah, I used to live in Windsor, so I used to go over to, like, Detroit a lot, but not much anymore. You guys are far and you hate us.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, that makes sense. Chris, what do you do for fun when you're not doing stand up comedy? What are some things that you do? You collect Pokemons or something?

[Chris Jurassimo]

No.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay, good answer.

[Chris Jurassimo]

I don't know. I guess I used to fight. I used to kickbox a little bit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Like professionally?

[Chris Jurassimo]

No, I'm just Amy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Redband]

Okay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What else? Just kickbox. Is that your thing?

[Chris Jurassimo]

Hang out with my girl, my mom, my roommate?

[Adam Malave]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

At the same time?

[Chris Jurassimo]

No.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What do you and your girl do together?

[Chris Jurassimo]

Long walks on the beach. Typical stuff.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The old Toronto beaches.

[Chris Jurassimo]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Are you.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Are you making all this up on the spot right now?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no, she's real. She's real. I promise she's real.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

I got two serial killers in a row. Hang out with my mom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm boring.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Is your mom a dead body in your attic?

[Ari Shaffir]

I change her outfit every day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Lewis, that's your mom. He got you. He got you.

[Peyton Ruddy]

So. So what are you, like, German or something?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's Greek. What?

[Dedrick Flynn]

You paying attention?

[Sir John]

All right,

[Louis J. Gomez]

Chris, come on. Give us something crazy about your life. There's got to be something. You ever have a near death experience? No.

[Peyton Ruddy]

He is gonna after the show. You talk about my mom again, I'll kickbox your ass back to Canada, you piece of

[Chris Jurassimo]

me. No, I've never almost died.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You ever saved anyone's life?

[Chris Jurassimo]

I almost saved someone's life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us about that.

[Peyton Ruddy]

They died.

[Chris Jurassimo]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What happened?

[Chris Jurassimo]

Well, it's gonna get a little sad, but my dad died, like two years ago, like, in front of me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How did your dad die?

[Chris Jurassimo]

He had a heart attack.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Chris Jurassimo]

And I hopped in, did CPR and. No mouth to mouth. Like, don't worry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Jurassimo]

He's not Tom Brady or anything.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Thing, but got it. But you did do mouth to mouth?

[Chris Jurassimo]

No, no, no.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Did you do chest compressions?

[Chris Jurassimo]

Chest compressions? Yeah.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Did you do mouth to.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How long did you do chest compressions for?

[Chris Jurassimo]

About five minutes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Keegan Carmichael]

Wow.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And then the paramedics arrived.

[Chris Jurassimo]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Canadian paramedics.

[Chris Jurassimo]

Yeah, they were like, so.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They were like, real wacky.

[Chris Jurassimo]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Just chest compressions. His belly button or should.

[Ari Shaffir]

Should have showed up on horseback.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm sorry.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Oh, he just needs the maple syrup.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm sorry. We lost them. We lost them.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm sorry. Oh, my goodness.

[Ari Shaffir]

How long ago is this?

[Chris Jurassimo]

Two years next month.

[Ari Shaffir]

Damn.

[Chris Jurassimo]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Did you get. This is going to sound insensitive. When you were doing the chest compression, was there a second where his eye just kind of just did that move thing where you thought you had saved him and then realized. No,

[Chris Jurassimo]

no, no, that was it. Sorry, Ari.

[Redband]

Do you have to wear two scarves?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Good question. Great question. Do you have to wear two scarves on those cold Canadian days?

[Chris Jurassimo]

I'm anti scarf, anti turtleneck. Those two products have discriminated against my neck size.

[Areola]

Wow.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Peyton, anything else for this guy? I see eyeball.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

I. I mean, I don't think so. I really. I like your vibe.

[Chris Jurassimo]

Appreciate it.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Yeah.

[Chris Jurassimo]

I had nothing mean to say to you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, you have a good energy, Chris. You're a good guy. I'm sorry that I didn't hear you say that. You're Greek. Here's a big joke book. We'll keep it moving along. There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Chris Gerasdo, everybody. Oh, this is an interesting name that got pulled out of the bucket. This guy is a very compelling character in the history of Kiltoni. I think he's been on twice before.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Very much accused of stealing the style of Mitch Hedberg.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But, you know, it's kind of a bizarre situation because. Yes, but he's also kind of like

[Louis J. Gomez]

that, but also not. But kinda is. But he is a really great joke writer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I will say that. So let's see what he does tonight. Make some noise for the return of Keegan Carmichael, everybody.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Hey,

[Keegan Carmichael]

a guy stole my wallet. He was like, ha ha, I have your wallet.

[Stephanie Ann]

I was like, ha ha.

[Keegan Carmichael]

You have 8k of credit card debt. Start paying it back, you bum. Hey, you get cheese on a burrito. It's free queso. It's extra, so I'll take it in English. I can't afford a bilingual burrito. Just make it in a language that's cost effective. Hey, my sister is vegan. On Thanksgiving she eats alone. I saw a sign. It said, in case of fire, use stairs. Fuck that, let's use water.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Keegan Carmichael. Looks like Mitch. Sounds like Mitch. Writes like Mitch, but I mean, Mitch ain't alive. And here you are.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Mitch is dead and here you are. So if it's the ghost of Mitch,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'll fucking take it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

People will complain about it, but God damn it, you're doing it. And that's crazy, but I think you should just go buy the ghost of Mitch Hedberg. But I don't know what do I know? The whole thing. Thing is very compelling to me because you are your own person and you do sound and look like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right?

[Ari Shaffir]

So these are not Mitch Hedberg jokes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not ones that he did, I don't believe.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Right. No, but. But it is in the style. And he looks like that and he sounds like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's very bizarre.

[Ari Shaffir]

I think I was here your first time.

[Royal Oats]

What?

[Ari Shaffir]

And I think last time you were like, I've never heard of Mitch Hedberg.

[Keegan Carmichael]

No, I actually never said that, but then the Internet just ran with it, so whatever.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, that's exactly what Mitch Hedberg would say.

[Ari Shaffir]

I will tell you my favorite part of that is when you do that queso and cheese joke, Michael Gonzalez just goes,

[Peyton Ruddy]

You did that queso and cheese joke. And Peyton almost came.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It is an anomaly. You find these. You find these. You find these. These great premises. I mean, the credit card debt, you know, whatever. That's kind of a. But you. You're warming up there. You're just starting. But other than that, everything after that, very funny. Very interesting angles and premises. You have a real knack for it. How much time, out of my own genuine curiosity, do you think you have of jokes like that all put together if you had to do the longest set possible?

[Keegan Carmichael]

Oh, I've. I've done an hour.

[Ari Shaffir]

Like.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah. Wow.

[Keegan Carmichael]

I have, like. I have 1500 jokes, but I had an epiphany two nights ago, so I got to rewrite them all.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, take us through this epiphany. Take us through it step by step.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What happened exactly?

[Keegan Carmichael]

I was high.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, we know. We know that. There's no doubt about that. We knew that part. Keegan, where were you?

[Louis J. Gomez]

How does it happen? What did you think? What was the epiphany?

[Keegan Carmichael]

Oh, I can't give that away. I can't give that away. Come on.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, you can. Come on. You're on. You're on the show. Come on.

[Keegan Carmichael]

I just.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I watched the Question.

[Keegan Carmichael]

South park and Jordan Peele.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay, care. Care to elaborate?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, can you. Can you give us some more

[Keegan Carmichael]

the ghost pivot?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay. Can you keep going?

[Keegan Carmichael]

Absolutely not. I gotta. I have to gatekeep the ghost pivot.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay, let's check in with Peyton Roe.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

I'd like to return to this free queso idea you were talking about. How exactly does this work?

[Keegan Carmichael]

You gotta tell em. They ask you if you want queso, you just say, I don't need the translation.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Yeah, I will try that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It is interesting, right? They have an oven. They have the stovetop thing. They have the cheese. The melted cheese is queso. Queso's extra cheeses. And the cheese even melts if you put it in the thing. What do you think about that?

[Keegan Carmichael]

But how much is it if I ask for marge?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a lot more.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Keegan, I think you're very funny, dude. I know. The Mitch Hedberg thing. I could tell it kind of bothers you that people compare you to Mitch Hedberg. So much so, yeah, I mean, I get it. Have you thought about maybe moving away from it and working on trying to differentiate yourself a little? Because you really. All bullshit aside, dude, your set was fucking brilliant. Like, really, really, really smart jokes.

[Keegan Carmichael]

I'm just trying to shower and shave, dude.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Keegan Carmichael]

Yeah.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Somehow we missed all three today.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't know,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ayton Roddy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm telling you, this is the future. As long as that heart holds up, he's gonna be.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

You know what, Tony?

[Dedrick Flynn]

You are.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I like it when you say it.

[Ari Shaffir]

You should. You should. You should call your new tour the 2026 and then we'll See tour. You're going to have a heart attack

[Peyton Ruddy]

and Chris is going to come out here and fail, saving your life.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Hey, guys.

[Chris Jurassimo]

Lay off.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So, Keegan, I do find it so compelling that I am going to get back into this line of questioning that I'd imagine you hate. But again, it's so interesting. And people. You know, maybe I'm playing devil's advocate here, but have you thought because of what everyone will think every time they see you, of maybe, let's just say, cutting your hair and changing your delivery or something like that? Have you thought about it? What? Can you take us through the process of being exactly like Mitch Edberg?

[Peyton Ruddy]

You said delivery. And Peyton's about to come again.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Keegan Carmichael]

You know, nobody with nice hair ever tells me to cut it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, sure. But seriously, seriously, Keegan, back to the question. I hear you. That's a good answer. But I'm not saying to cut it. I'm saying, have you thought about getting

[Louis J. Gomez]

away from the Mitch Hedberg thing?

[Keegan Carmichael]

Oh, I just like to write jokes, man.

[Ari Shaffir]

Try that joke. Try one of those jokes in a. Like a different style.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Yeah, throw the N word in there.

[Keegan Carmichael]

I can't do. I can't do that translation.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Telling you he's a funny guy.

[Redband]

And you're right, Tony. I've seen interviews with you where you. You don't act as Mitchie. You act kind of more normal. So it's kind of weird to me that you don't understand that it would be way better for your Career if you do that.

[Keegan Carmichael]

Why would I do something that makes people stop talking about me?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Ooh, interesting.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Okay, I like this.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

That's why I said throw the N word in there. Yeah, I'm trying to help you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right, well, Keegan, I gotta tell you, great jokes, man. You are your own kind of thing, even though you're exactly like something else, but you are your own thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is something else.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There's just no way to describe it. And if I just hated on it all the time, that would just be annoying. It would be dismissive of the fact that you have great premises and great jokes and a whole thing going on for you. Keegan, you know what?

[Redband]

I would like to have you on the Secret show if you want.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Look at that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What a turnaround. Things are looking up for Keegan. Carmine. Michael, you have a big drop book already. Yep.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There you go.

[Keegan Carmichael]

Thank you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There he goes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Keegan Carmichael.

[Ari Shaffir]

Dreams do come true.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This podcast is sponsored by Zip Recruiter. You know, I hired someone recently who was not only qualified, but also genuinely interested in the open role. And that really influenced my decision to hire them. They were eager to learn more about the job, and their excitement about the role made them stand out. If you're hiring, you want a candidate who's passionate about your role. But you can't get that insight from a resume unless you post your job on ZipRecruiter. And now you can try it for free at ZipRecruiter.com kill Tony Redback.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa, Tony.

[Redband]

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[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

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[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Meet your match on Zip Recruiter.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Me or Matt John Zipper Cooter. This podcast is sponsored by Superpower. You know, recently I left a doctor's appointment feeling like I got nothing useful. My doctor essentially Just said you're fine and told me to drink more water. That's why I'm fascinated by what Superpower is doing. Superpower sends a licensed professional to your home, or you can visit a nearby lab. It's one simple blood draw with over 100 biomarkers, which is way more than what you usually get. Their app includes detailed information on your heart, liver, thyroid, hormones, metabolism, vitamin and mineral levels, and even environmental toxins. So from disease prevention to treating that annoying brain fog or simply optimizing your gym game, Superpower is the most comprehensive and advanced system out there. I'm gonna let Red Band tell you all about it.

[Redband]

Thanks, Tony. I think Superpower is doing some amazing things in the health space. Superpower gives actionable health plans. That's not affordable. It's super affordable. Whoa. Supplement recommendations. They got it. And prescription suggestions like peptides, lifestyle and behavioral adjustments. And you can even get your true biological age that you can track over time.

[Louis J. Gomez]

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[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We're gonna keep it moving along.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're having fun here tonight.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You guys having fun?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm having fun. Your next bucket pool goes by the name of Adam. And everyone,

[Adam Malave]

I'm born in 2001. It was a great year for me. Not so great for lower Manhattan. Growing up in school, we had a kid whose birthday was on the actual 9 11, 2001. So every year, we would have that moment of silence at the end of the day, and the class would get real quiet, and then the teacher would break in. Boys and girls, on this day, we must remember that Francesco's mom brought cupcakes. Oh, my gosh. Are those chocolate frosted? Because this is a day I will never forget. We actually had a twin in the class, too. Francesca, the teacher, would tell us. Boys and girls, I just got word from the office that a second tray of cupcakes has hit our classroom. A second tray of cupcakes has hit our classroom. It's really crazy because There was another 911 birthday in our school. Across the hall from us. There was another 911 birthday. A third tray of cupcakes. Sit over there. Really crazy. Is that classroom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold on. Go ahead now. I want to hear the end of it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.

[Adam Malave]

That classroom was pentagon shaped. And there was supposed to be a fourth tray, but that one fell in the hallway on the way to the class.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay. There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Adam Aleve, everybody. An entire minute, 15 seconds. About the greatest tragedy in American history. Everybody.

[Peyton Ruddy]

We thought it was Francesca's mom that brought in those cupcakes, but it wasn't. It was the Jews.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, the whole time it was the Jews. Because on the original 911, that's how we also celebrated it. We had cupcakes ready. How do they have their cupcakes ready?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let's check in with Pton.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ready down here.

[Adam Malave]

No gelatin. There was.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Is it just me? Does this guy not look and sound exactly like Mitch Hedberg to you? Am I tweaking over here? He looks a little.

[Adam Malave]

I got heroin in the back, too, if you want.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I love it. Yeah. Adam. Adam Malave. Why does it sound like you have the other guy's Adam's apple stuck in your throat? You have a little RFK junior to you. What's up with your delivery?

[Chris Jurassimo]

I don't know.

[Adam Malave]

I've never. I've never felt too rfk, you know?

[Chris Jurassimo]

Really?

[Louis J. Gomez]

No one's ever brought this to your attention before?

[Adam Malave]

Someone told me I sound a little like McLovin, but I've never heard RFK before.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Am I the only one hearing the fact that he sounds like.

[Adam Malave]

Yeah, you got it a little raspy today. Sorry about that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You under the weather or something?

[Adam Malave]

No, no, no, not at all.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, okay.

[Adam Malave]

Yeah. You clocked me as Jewish, so good job there.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Are you Jewish?

[Ari Shaffir]

I am. I saw it right away. What did I say to you?

[Sir John]

Come on.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, he did.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

He walked out and already leaned over. He goes, yeah, he's one of mine.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah.

[Adam Malave]

Yeah. I play for the team.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Adam Malave]

Yeah. Proudly.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right. Okay. Adam.

[Wee Man]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How long you been doing standup?

[Adam Malave]

Seven years.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Seven years.

[Adam Malave]

Where at 19 from New York.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Right.

[Adam Malave]

I took the train here, actually.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay. Very, very.

[Adam Malave]

It took three days, two nights to get here. I took Amtrak. You know, in Japan they got high speed rail. I feel like in America we have the opposite. And I feel like they try to, like, make the train slower on purpose, you know, like the conductors, they take smoke breaks at stations.

[Peyton Ruddy]

They like, you're turning more Into RFK as we speak.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Have you guys ever taken the Amtrak? I mean, what is with those things?

[Adam Malave]

Getting 420, boys.

[Ari Shaffir]

So breaks are too long.

[Redband]

I'm gonna go to the snack cart.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'll be right back. Adam, what do you do for a living right now?

[Adam Malave]

Well, I used to do financial consulting, but.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No way. You a Jew in New York work finances.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Come on.

[Chris Jurassimo]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

On the train. No,

[Adam Malave]

no, no. I. I actually started the open mic website in New York called Comedic. I have stickers for you guys if you'd like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Hey, speak for yourself.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, Ari's gonna. Ari's gonna resell the stickers. Ari's going to resell the stickers later. Maybe.

[Adam Malave]

Empty my pockets. I'll give you.

[Ari Shaffir]

After you tease.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm sorry.

[Adam Malave]

Wait, what do I. I got something on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, relax.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No one cares about your gay stickers. Let's keep it on the.

[Adam Malave]

I got a kiwi.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It just blow.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

It blows up.

[Adam Malave]

They didn't check the hoodie pocket. That's the one pocket they didn't check.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Put it away. I'm the only fruit on this stage. Let's go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. I can do it to myself, you guys. Eat it up, homos.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right, Adam, tell us more about your life. Tell us something interesting about you that would surprise us.

[Adam Malave]

Yeah, I mean, the. I do stand up all over New York. I have a weekly show in Brooklyn. I started the open mic website again.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We. You already said that.

[Adam Malave]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They're so annoying. They just keep saying that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You keep. You just open mic. No one gives a about an open

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

mic website in New York.

[Adam Malave]

That's fair.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can you say anything other than an

[Louis J. Gomez]

open mic website in New York Park?

[Adam Malave]

Yeah. I'm about to have my 69th body party.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What?

[Adam Malave]

My 69th body party.

[Ari Shaffir]

What is that?

[Adam Malave]

To celebrate my 69th body.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Can you explain that more?

[Peyton Ruddy]

I can't believe I've had sex with 69 men. I don't believe it.

[Adam Malave]

No other way. No. But yeah. 69th body party. I'm very excited. Gonna be at the Brooklyn Art House May 23rd. You guys are all invited. Come by.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Are you for real?

[Adam Malave]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

You're celebrating almost 70 people you've had sex with?

[Adam Malave]

Yeah, I'm at 70 now, but yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right.

[Adam Malave]

And 15 of them are going to show up, so it's gonna be nice.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay. Wow. So, Adam, tell us about that. What are your tricks to. How do you trick these women?

[Adam Malave]

I mean, I. I'm very, like, enthusiastic, positive person. And I, I, I, I listen, sometimes

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I swallowed a diamond ring earlier. You think you can get it out for me?

[Ari Shaffir]

Are you? I, I'm just looking at your eyes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Are you part Asian or part newt?

[Adam Malave]

No, no, no, not at all. People say I look like a young Mark Zuckerberg or like a Gen Z elon Musk. But then, yeah, other people think I just look like a bisexual Awasian. So I don't know if that's.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

I think you look like Mitch Hedberg. I think

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you got the berg part right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's for sure. Yeah, yeah, take that. Okay. Adam Malave from New York. Have you ever seen Adam before? You're a big guy.

[Peyton Ruddy]

I've never seen him and I hope I never do again. It's the last time I will ever hear this name. Now you're, you're funny, dude. I can tell. You got chops. You're a funny dude. I, I really can't believe that 70 women have let you say you're 24 years old.

[Adam Malave]

24?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Peyton Ruddy]

First of all, I, I wouldn't let you near my finances. Yeah, you're a child. Second of all, I can't believe that in just 24 years you've been able to bed 70 women. That's crazy.

[Ari Shaffir]

I have a question. I have a financial question.

[Royal Oats]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

How much does a 70 pack of GHB cost?

[Adam Malave]

It took a second. I didn't realize what GHB was for a sec, but I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's what you put inside of the

[Louis J. Gomez]

kiwi that you keep inside of your pocket. That'd be cute.

[Adam Malave]

Adam, Can I trade you a kiwi for the joke book?

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, I don't want your kiwi.

[Dedrick Flynn]

No.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Here's the joke book, though. There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There he goes. Adam A, everyone.

[Adam Malave]

Thanks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm going to keep it moving here.

[Adam Malave]

Bye.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There he goes, Adam Aave. There he goes. All right. Little fist bump from the fellow Jew.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There it is. When they see each other out in the wild. How about one more time for the lovely Heidi? Everybody clearing, saging the room of all those Jewy 911 jokes we just heard. All right, this looks like a fun name. Put your hands together for your next bucket pool. It's Royal oats. Royal oak.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Yeah.

[Royal Oats]

I don't know if you could tell by looking at me in the cleavage that I'm showing right now, but it's a lot of muscle up under here, right? And you know the first thing they say about people when they got muscles, right? Is they on steroids. And I don't have A problem with steroids because steroids is cool, right? I have a problem with what they say about people on steroids, right? Like this one trick tried to come at me and she was like, I know you're addict and shriveled up to this small because of all the steroids you use. And I had to correct her, right? I was like, first of all, bitch, it's not your dick. They say it's your balls, right? And I've never had sex with a woman when she. I've never had sex with a woman. And she get on the phone with a homegirl the next day and she's like, hello? She's like, hello? She said, hey, bitch, what you doing?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nothing.

[Royal Oats]

What you doing?

[Ari Shaffir]

Nothing.

[Royal Oats]

Did you royal. She said, and did. See? How was the dick? She said the dick was good, but she said, but what? She said he had small balls, right? I'm talking about ball so small he could have went to Vegas and shot dice with the. Okay, right? She said, here I am being.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Was there more there?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Royal oats.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let me finish it. I'll let you finish it. All right, I'm sorry. Royal sorry. Royal Oak.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Thank you.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

This is good.

[Ari Shaffir]

Your honor, let me finish.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Your honor, please let me finish.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You giant black man.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Finish the joke.

[Royal Oats]

Let me finish it. She said. She said, here I am being a freaky bitch, trying to get teabag, and this nigga brought salt and pepper packages. That's the end.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, There you go, Royal. Hell yeah. Welcome, welcome.

[Royal Oats]

Appreciate it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I love it. First of all, congratulations on beating Brock Lesnar at Wrestlemania.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Second of all, welcome. How long you been doing stand up?

[Royal Oats]

I've been doing it for 10 years, man.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Where at?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Atlanta or Florida?

[Royal Oats]

I'm from Tulsa, Oklahoma.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow. I would not.

[Royal Oats]

I'm the only there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, I was gonna say, you see him now?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Exactly what I was going to say, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I was going to use those exact words. You go ahead, tell me whatever you want.

[Royal Oats]

I want to tell another joke.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know what?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm gonna let you do it.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Spotlight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Give him the spot. Pino.

[Royal Oats]

Give me the goddamn spotlight. Listen, white people. I love holidays, man. I really do. My favorite holiday would have to be, no doubt, St. Patty's Day. You get to run around wearing green, pinching people on the ass and saying Irish shit like Conor McGregor. Conor McGregor, you know, lucky me, Charms. I don't know. I'm fucking racist, right? My second favorite holiday would have to be, no doubt, Cinco de Mayo, right? That's when Mexicans get together, sell cocaine and kill Each other. Trust me, I seen four seasons of the Narcos. I know exactly how this shit works. The problem I have with holidays is black people don't have any cool holidays, right? You know, when you think about black holidays, what do we have? Martin Luther King Day. And what is Martin Luther King Day? A bunch of niggas running around in the cold with sweaters on with Martin Luther King face on it. Y' all white people don't even show up for that shit, right? And then our other holiday is Juneteenth. Like, my man, if I was to ask you what Juneteenth, what would you say? Nigga, that's the day they freed the slaves. All you know is the bank is closed. Okay? So I have a suggestion, right? I have a tattoo to suggest a holiday that I think that black people would love. Okay? Right. Let me show y' all right now. Oj day, right? Is this not Kill Tony or what?

[Wee Man]

Oh, shit.

[Royal Oats]

Could you imagine that? Running around with knife, skirt white, half to death. I'm here. Kill Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, you're here. Here, you're here. I got a lot of notes. I don't think it's okay to pinch people on the ass on St. Patty's Day. I'm pretty sure you're committing.

[Royal Oats]

I think that's the rule, ain't it? Where the Irish people at? You piece them on the ass, they don't have green on. That's the rule. That's a dumbass Italian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You don't do that though. You just pinch them.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Can I have my wallet back?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Royal, Royal, Royal, please don't take anything

[Royal Oats]

out of the wallet, please. The ain't got no money in there anyway.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's tied up.

[Royal Oats]

It's a fake robbery.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

It's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's in savings he has. He's fully invested in Chipotle. All right, Roy. Royal, you just interrupt whatever you want. Perfect.

[Royal Oats]

Let me pick my jacket up.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yes. Okay. All right.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Royal, if I gave you $200, would you be willing to my girlfriend in front of me?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[Royal Oats]

Long as I can open for you the next night.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Oh, yeah, you can. You can. You could headline the show, to be honest. I'll open for you, Royal.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oats, this is amazing. So let's talk about the OJ Tattoo too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, cuz, that really show there too?

[Royal Oats]

It's the knife, the Bronco. I brought it all together.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He really does have the glove, the Bronco. I don't know if you're in on that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't know if that camera one

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

can zoom or what we can possibly do, but it might be truly the most diabolical tattoo I've ever seen in my 41 years on planet Earth. Again, all we're looking at, all we're applauding is the tattoo. The body is just okay. But I'm sure you work hard at it. Trust me, I know. I stare at black muscular men all day when I'm not here. If you're wondering what I'm doing, come kiss oj.

[Royal Oats]

Huh? Tony, Kiss oj.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, Royal, it's not your first time

[Royal Oats]

kissing a black guy, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Chill the out. I'm taking back over here.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How long you been doing stand up?

[Royal Oats]

10 years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

10 years.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What do you do for work? Exactly. Exactly.

[Royal Oats]

I mostly try to post my dick on only fans hoping a bunch of gay dudes subscribe.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Uhhuh.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But how do you make money?

[Royal Oats]

I do Uber. I do Uber.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay.

[Royal Oats]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Have you ever thought about combining those two things?

[Royal Oats]

Uber on the something there.

[Ari Shaffir]

I like that you say you do

[Peyton Ruddy]

Uber, but from the looks of you, it looks like you do lift.

[Royal Oats]

Yeah. I love to live, man.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Very good.

[Royal Oats]

I love the lift.

[Ari Shaffir]

Positive, positive joke. I won't be hanging.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Go.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

There you go.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right, so you do Uber and Uber eats. You do all the Ubers.

[Royal Oats]

Just Uber. I don't really care.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What kind of car do you have? What are you picking people up? And I got it.

[Royal Oats]

I got one of those electronic Ubers.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I was going to guess you're a piggyback Uber driver. They all different types where you order an Uber and they give you a piggyback ride. Okie dokie.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

You know what they say, Tony, if the joke doesn't hit, you must acquit. That's true.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's true.

[Royal Oats]

If I had a wallet, I'll give it to you for that one.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right. Royal Oats. An incredible. You took a real stab at it here tonight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What else would surprise us about your life?

[Royal Oats]

Royal Oats, Everything about my life is crazy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What kind of women are you into? How big of white women are you into exactly?

[Royal Oats]

Size depends on the woman.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know, if we put a wig

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

on Peyton right now, how hard I

[Royal Oats]

can get a bad bitch?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh?

[Royal Oats]

I can still get a bad bitch. I got a little love left in me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Right. But what do you settle for is what I want to know.

[Royal Oats]

I don't know, man. It's depends on what time of night it is.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's right.

[Royal Oats]

You know, I like that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hell yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

If I had one critique of your act. It's just like the premise of having small balls Is bad. I didn't care for it. Thinks having small balls is some of the most powerful things you could have.

[Royal Oats]

Would you rather suck big ones?

[Ari Shaffir]

No, but I'd rather have big ones. And.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Or is huge balls big balls?

[Royal Oats]

Not to get in the way of big dick, crazy balls. It sounds like extra work for a woman.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I can't believe I'm about to say this, but enough talk about balls and dick up here. How many times have you been pulled over in Tulsa, Oklahoma?

[Royal Oats]

Oh, my God, 183 times.

[Ari Shaffir]

When they pull you over, do they

[Peyton Ruddy]

go, I thought we got them all.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Yeah, this tattoo. This tattoo, it's actually you handing the cops your license. And.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Does it really happen a lot?

[Royal Oats]

I'll kick your ass for that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, does it really happen a lot? You get pulled over a lot in Tulsa?

[Royal Oats]

Not as much as I used to when I was younger.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Right, yeah. Have you been arrested before?

[Royal Oats]

Of course.

[Louis J. Gomez]

For what?

[Royal Oats]

Well, at one point in my life, I was doing life without in prison.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Whoa.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Tell us more about this.

[Royal Oats]

So I got life without for a drug trafficking case, and the police end up being, like, a dirty cop. So the shit ended up going back to trial, and they ended up giving me a plea deal that I took, and I was able to get out of prison again.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Wow. Did you really commit the crime or.

[Royal Oats]

Yeah, I was definitely selling.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The jail.

[Royal Oats]

Got me. They got me down like sis.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Right up, dude. Life without parole. That was some crazy drug.

[Royal Oats]

Well, they offered me life, and they was like, either you take the life and do, like, 15 years or we take it to trial. I was like, you know, like, if I'm gonna wait 15 years, I might as well just take it to trial. And it worked out. It might be had by taking it.

[Redband]

Yeah.

[Peyton Ruddy]

You saw the O.J. trial. He was like, I got this. They're gonna be on my side.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Check in with Arisha.

[Ari Shaffir]

You know, you're in the criminal justice system when you shorten it to life without.

[Royal Oats]

Yeah, straight up. I meant to be here. Yeah, I was meant to be here, man.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Amazing. So when you. How long were you in there when you got word that the prosecutor was dirty?

[Royal Oats]

I knew all. Not the prosecutor in the be. It was a dirty cop.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Sure. Oh, that's what. Sure.

[Royal Oats]

So I knew all the time that he was a dirty cop, but it was, like, three years before they actually took him to trial.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, amazing. Peyton. Ry.

[Sir John]

Why, man?

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Great. Till they got to be great. I had nothing on that one.

[Miranda Meadows]

So

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

royal o. I mean, the set was. Was just okay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But I love your interview.

[Royal Oats]

You Missing out on some things.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You want to do more.

[Royal Oats]

So.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm just kidding. I'm not giving you more.

[Royal Oats]

I want you to know, like, I don't know if you ever seen me, like, I was viral on the Internet for. I had a fight at a comedy show where a dude ended up getting. I ended up hitting the dude with a microphone. Oh yeah, like. Like, it was like really crazy, man. Big fight.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

You hit a comic with a microphone?

[Royal Oats]

No, I hit a fan. I hit like a crowd guy. He came up to the stage.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What happened exactly?

[Wee Man]

You can look it up.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's like, I believe it. We're not going to look it up right now. What. What can describe it?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have a microphone.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're a professional.

[Royal Oats]

I had a microphone and I'm telling jokes, right? And I hear a guy booing, right? So I look in the. I look out on the stage like, okay, well you're booing. I can roast, right? So when I look at him, I'm like, oh, you look like Jaheim 2001. Put that woman first outfit on, right? So I'm thinking he's going to come back with another roast. He was like, you gay? And I was like, it sucks, doesn't

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

it, when that happens and the core fucking goes crazy. It's a loophole in the system and

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm sick of it. That happens to you too.

[Royal Oats]

It did. It did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know what? You and I should have dinner and talk about this. Get out of here. Royal Oaks. Great appearance. Great interview. Great tattoo. We love his tattoo.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Tattoo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a great tattoo. Very funny. All right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

This is a hoot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nanny of a show.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my goodness gracious. Every time Heidi leans over R Ari, he gets a full two and a half inches erect.

[Orhun Tamor]

He's son of a.

[Ari Shaffir]

You know I did though. You know I did though. Zootopia 2 has come home to Disney Plus.

[Wee Man]

Let's go.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Ready for a new case.

[Sponsor Voice 1]

We're gonna crack this case and prove

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

we're the greatest partners of all time.

[Sir John]

New friends.

[Sponsor Voice 1]

You are Gary Destiny and your last name.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The snake Dream Team Habitats. Zootopia has a secret reptile population.

[Royal Oats]

You can watch the record breaking phenomenon at home.

[Redband]

You're clearly barking it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Zootopia 2 now available on Disney Plus.

[Ari Shaffir]

Rated PG.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, one word. Name your next bucket pool. Our first one word name of the night. Always interesting, these one word names. Make some noise for Sir Jan, everybody. Sir Jan.

[Sir John]

So my name is Surgeon. I don't know if you guys can tell by looking at me, but my parents are brown immigrants. And my mom, she wanted me to be a doctor so bad, she named me surgeon. It's fucked up, I know. So much pressure. Imagine being named after a job. But my name's kind of cool. My siblings, they got it. So much work. My older brother, his name is Engineer.

[Areola]

Yeah.

[Sir John]

And he grew up to be an engineer because he's a suck up. But my little sister, she has the worst name. I feel so bad for her. They didn't really believe in her that much, so they named her Abortion. Just to get real for a second. I don't know if you guys are still doing your New Year's resolution, but as of today, I'm officially four months sober. Thank you. Thank you. It's been four months since I last said the N word.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Sir John]

Staying strong. Staying strong. And for my last joke, I need you guys to play along with me. You know how this goes. Knock, knock. My cat,

[Keegan Carmichael]

Leo.

[Sir John]

Oh, I was hoping I was at a minute, but I didn't get it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Sir John]

I sped through it. I sped through it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There you go. We were close, though.

[Sir John]

What's up, Leo?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, check in with Peyton Reddy.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

That's okay. I think that was a Mitch Hedberg joke. Anyway,

[Peyton Ruddy]

Difference between, like, Royal Oats, who's like a real man and how much he came through the microphone and every other comic tenant is like, yeah, it's

[Louis J. Gomez]

been four months since you said the N word. But be honest, when Royal Oates just

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

walked off by you with his jacket completely unzipped, you definitely thought about it after you.

[Sir John]

After you walked away, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, exactly. You don't want him reading your mind.

[Royal Oats]

Yeah.

[Stephanie Ann]

Yeah.

[Sir John]

I'm staying sober. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Sir. John, how much time did you prepare your eyebrows for tonight?

[Sir John]

25 years.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Is that how old you are? Yes, sir, 25. How long you been doing stand up?

[Sir John]

Two and a half years.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Where at?

[Sir John]

Dallas.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's where you live. That's where you were born and raised.

[Sir John]

I was born in Nepal, but I came to America when I was 6 years old.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Well, that set wasn't appalling.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hell, yeah.

[Sir John]

Sorry. I thought it was good. I thought Tony would like it.

[Peyton Ruddy]

I'm sorry, I will say, dude, if that cat thing hit, it would have been a standing fucking ovation in here. That would have been the most brilliant moment in Kill Tony history.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But it was eight seconds of us staring at you.

[Ari Shaffir]

How are you planning on timing that? Guessing what 60 full seconds is while you're talking? It's a lunatic move. There's no way you'd get that.

[Sir John]

I've done it many times at comedy clubs in Dallas. There's 100 videos on my phone. Exactly a minute. I think I was. I thought, and they have a cat

[Peyton Ruddy]

sound at this comedy club.

[Sir John]

I do it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You've practiced that a hundred times.

[Ari Shaffir]

And after 96 times on your phone, you're like, I need more videos.

[Sir John]

I have two terabyte storage, so, like, I can just keep recording. But yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow, bragger.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

I love how you were like, all right. I love how you're like, all right. How can I land this plane? A knock knock joke.

[Sir John]

It's one of the most traditional forms of jokes, and I love jokes.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

And yeah, back in 1932, maybe you

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

explaining to us a knock knock joke right now.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, it's one of the oldest forms of joke.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get the away from your scent.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

It crossed the road to get to his cat Leo.

[Sir John]

Eat up that chicken.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Do you really have a cat name Leo? Okay, so, surgeon, what type of brown are you exactly?

[Sir John]

I'm from Nepal.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you are Nepalese.

[Sir John]

Nepalese, exactly.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Both parents.

[Sir John]

Are both parents.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What made them move to Dallas?

[Sir John]

So we got the diversity lottery. Shout out to my mom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The diversity lottery?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

What?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

They were white until then, so.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So it's like a Powerball or something.

[Sir John]

I think it was Reagan or Carter. They had this policy where 50,000 people from around the world. Nepal was selected around that time.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Talk slower and into the tip of the microphone.

[Sir John]

Sorry.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The other thing one of

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

is going on over there

[Louis J. Gomez]

right now.

[Sir John]

Yes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay.

[Sir John]

So my. My mom won the lottery in 2006 when there was a civil war happening in Nepal. And then luckily I was from a village. Literally grew up, like, taking a shower the same river that my grandfather did

[Louis J. Gomez]

and taking a shower in the same river.

[Sir John]

Like, as kids, we had, like, a little, like, pump, pump thingy, but, like,

[Louis J. Gomez]

we didn't jump in.

[Sir John]

I mean, it was like, for fun and stuff as a kid.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, yes.

[Phx98]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There you go.

[Sir John]

Thank you, Ari.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes. Welcome back. Very rare for a Jew to help a brown guy in any way, but my favorite Jew.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's right. Sir John. Go ahead. See, we're showering in a river with a water pump. This is incredible. That's how. By the way, that's how Peyton gets a butter on his toast in the morning.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That sucked.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Hey, why did the chicken cross the road?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

To get into your rotisserie.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

You were falling from sex. You ruined my setup,

[Louis J. Gomez]

Sir John. Go ahead.

[Sir John]

So, yeah, I was born in a village, like, literally in gitanagar Village. And then I came to America when I was six years old. I bought a car and a plane within the first time. Within the same week. Right. I came to America in Dallas, Texas. I lived in Irving, and then now I live in Euless. But I mean, my first job was Water Burger. I feel like I'm a Texan even though I'm an immigrant.

[Chris Jurassimo]

Right.

[Sir John]

I feel like America, like, immigrant is land of immigrants. And I feel like I'm very Texan even though I was born.

[Peyton Ruddy]

This audience hates this. They're like, you, dude.

[Sir John]

Am I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Am I building momentum? We're building. Lewis refuses to let anything build.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He's from the Legion of Skanks where they interrupt each other every five seconds. Seconds.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

For no reason.

[Sir John]

Can't take my jacket.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Doesn't make any sense.

[Sir John]

Can't take my jacket off.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You want to take your jacket? What, are you gonna sweat? What are you.

[Sir John]

No, I don't sweat. I actually.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell me you have an OJ tattoo. This guy's got a 911 tattoo. 100 deodorant. Okay, go ahead. Whatever you're doing, go ahead.

[Sir John]

Okay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The arms are less hairy than anybody would have expected.

[Sir John]

My chip. I have the hair on my chest.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, there it is.

[Chris Jurassimo]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Jesus Christ.

[Keenan Womack]

Yeah.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Wait, now that you got the jacket off, you're feeling yourself a bit do the knock, knock joke again.

[Sir John]

Could I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can I just come back out?

[Sir John]

We cut this. I'm just kidding.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm just kidding, Sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

John.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So you said your first job was at Whataburger. What exactly is your job now?

[Sir John]

I work as a solutions architect for an IT company. So I just help find customers, find problems to technical. Like find solutions to technical problems.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Arisha feels that's such a build up

[Ari Shaffir]

from Whataburger to that.

[Sir John]

I mean, this is why people. I've had a lot of jobs. Like, I always work. I grew up, like, you know, wanting money, so I always worked and I started my way up and, you know, I'm. I'm. I mean, hopefully one day I can be a worker. I can work here.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Where exactly?

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Like, right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You want to fix the neons or something? What are you pointing at?

[Sir John]

I. I can find a solution for that too, if you need, but. But I want to be on this stage. I've never done comedy in front of this many people. It's amazing. Good for you, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's awesome.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're doing it.

[Sir John]

And I came today, I signed up. This is my 15th time signing up. I signed up once a month, every month last year and I kind of stopped coming this year, but it was 420 on a Monday. I was like, my driver license has a 420 on it. I gotta come.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What has a 420 on it?

[Sir John]

My driver license starts with 420 and ends with 69. So I think I'm born to be a comedian. I swear to God I'll bring it out. I swear to all my Hindu gods, I'll bring it out. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I like your style, man. You're so genuine. And you're kind of like a sweet boy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's incredible, right?

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's like, you know, I'm just happy to have the opportunity. I started at a whataburger, worked my way up. I took a car and a train or whatever to get here.

[Areola]

Yeah.

[Sir John]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's kind of like you, Tony, if he's brown, but had no confidence.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Amazing. Sir John, what's your love life like?

[Keegan Carmichael]

I've been.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Do your parents only allow you to date Nepalese girls?

[Sir John]

They did.

[Ari Shaffir]

Who have you been promised to?

[Sir John]

They thought they wanted that. And then, I mean, I started dating this girl in high school, my girlfriend, high school sweetheart. We've been dating for eight years.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Wow.

[Sir John]

So we've been still together. And my parents love her more than me, probably.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's a white girl.

[Sir John]

No, she's Indian. So, like, I just went south, the border. I was like, close enough.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's as close as it'll get.

[Sir John]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Up in Dallas?

[Sir John]

Yeah. I mean, the poly girls are probably all my cousins anyways. I was like, let me get a little bit less incest going, you know?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Peyton Ruddy]

I want to know what that sex smells like. It smells great in Indian sex.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, my God. I can't even imagine.

[Sir John]

If you want to join us, like, now.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What are your. What are your.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good job. Redband. Very good.

[Phx98]

Oh, that was good.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is correct.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What do your parents think about you doing standup comedy?

[Sir John]

They were iffy about it and they were like. I mean, like, you have, like, good job. Why are you going out Wednesday at 10am, 10pm to go to do an open mic. But, I mean, they support it. They think it's like a. They don't really understand what it is, and they don't understand, like, what I really want. Like. Like. Like this dream that I have. But one day they'll understand and I'll show them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But in the beginning, it was rough. And now you're even still today.

[Sir John]

My mom's like, why are you driving through? I live in Dallas. I drove here. So why are you driving in the rain. But I mean, now she's gonna see. In three weeks, I'm gonna be on guilt. On.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

She's gonna see. You're so deep into it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So deep. Is also the name of your brother?

[Sir John]

My. My brother's name is Nurjan, and he's actually. My brother's name is Nurjan. I'm Surgeon Heath.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Surgeon. And you're Surgeon Nurgin.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

What is your mom. Dr. Seuss?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He actually is a doctor.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Yeah. It's one fish, two fish, brown fish, Brown fish. You know

[Sir John]

I love fish.

[Miranda Meadows]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sir John.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Keep doing the work, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Work hard.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Dallas has a lot of places you can get up, go to all the clubs. Keep working. Do it. Chase your dreams, buddy. Yep. There you go.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's such a positive guy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, he really is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Especially for one of the brown people,

[Louis J. Gomez]

you know what I mean?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's like the nicest terrorists we've ever

[Louis J. Gomez]

had on this show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Speaking of immigrants that are living their dreams, this guy won a golden ticket a couple months ago. So he is very funny, and we're gonna see him right now. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the return, the third ever appearance, I do believe, of Orhun Tamor, everybody. Here he comes.

[Orhun Tamor]

This comedy bit is gonna lose its potency after a black guy. But I love fat girl so much. I fucking love them. And you guys are looking at me like, is it the blowjobs? No, it's the love. I'm 33 years old. I am fine being the pretty girl in the relationship at this point. Like, I. Nothing. Well, actually, I've dated someone who. Whose boyfriend before me killed himself. That's the best. Okay, I'm not saying go find a girl and depress her boyfriend. I'm saying if you did, it would be worth the time spent. Because, dude, every time you're sad, you get a blowjob so you don't kill yourself. And it's like, not normal blowjob. Like, normal blowjob, you finish and then it ends. This one, like, you come, you're like, I'm done. She's like, I'm not. She does it till sadness comes out effervescently. And that works with blowjobs, by the way. Blowjobs come, comes out, Then sadness, then blood. If you keep going. So you gotta stop. You gotta stop between sadness and blood. But after a while, it's dangerous because it's like every time you're horny, you get sad. Like Paulo's dick over there. Okay, you guys don't read. You don't know who Paulo is? But good, good. I should have ended right before.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good set.

[Orhun Tamor]

Welcome, Orhun, Good to be back.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Good to have you here. And you are originally from Turkey, correct?

[Orhun Tamor]

Yes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Ari Shafir, what's your analysis of Turkey?

[Ari Shaffir]

I think that's the.

[Royal Oats]

The.

[Ari Shaffir]

The life story of Turkey. If they had to do a movie about Turkey, it should be called Between Sadness and Blood.

[Orhun Tamor]

Oh, sadness and blood are not separate. They're together.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did I know you were gonna knock that out of the park?

[Louis J. Gomez]

That is incredible. Orhun, welcome back. What's been going on in life?

[Orhun Tamor]

Oh, you know, heartbreaks, good sets. You know, my car got vandalized in Houston.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Tell us about that.

[Orhun Tamor]

I rented a car and I got the cheapest insurance because I was trying to save $17.84, and somebody vandalized my car because. And I told old Houston comics, they were like, yeah, welcome to Houston.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That does happen in Houston a lot.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Did this man happen to have an O.J. simpson tattoo on his stomach?

[Orhun Tamor]

I'm from Turkey, so O.J. simpson is not evil there. When you tell a woman In Turkey, hey, O.J. simpson, they said, yeah, well, why was she cheating? It's not as potent, but I appreciate your effort.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What type of vandalizer did they do to your car exactly?

[Orhun Tamor]

They, I think, took a big stick that. With a pointy end to the hood, and. Yeah, and they scratched it like they made it so. Because I was gonna go to a Mexican guy to get it fixed, but it was unmexicable. Like, it was too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Orhun Tamor]

Too much.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's funny because in Los Angeles, and I know you won't do this, but in Los Angeles, if you've got a dent in your car, you go to an Armenian guy, and I know, oh,

[Orhun Tamor]

I'll go to an Armenian guy.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Guys, did. Did the guy say, I Mexican fix this?

[Orhun Tamor]

No, that's. He just. He said stuff that was. I don't even know, just Spanish.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Amazing. So he couldn't fix it, but you tried.

[Orhun Tamor]

Yeah, yeah. He was also a comic. You can't with these people.

[Louis J. Gomez]

For sure. Those people.

[Orhun Tamor]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Comics. That is.

[Ari Shaffir]

Let's get back to this. Insurance that didn't cover it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Our senior insurance correspondent, Ari Shaffir.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, so you got insurance, but it covered everything but vandalism?

[Orhun Tamor]

No, no, no. It actually didn't cover anything. So basically, the deductible was $3,000. Why are you making me talk about insurance? But. Okay, you're laughing. All right, cool, I'll do it. So there's a $3,000 deductible. If I paid $17.84 more, it would have been 500 deductible. Yeah. Are you happy you asked? Is this a comedy corridor you're glad you walked into?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's what I'm talking about. Some orders.

[Ari Shaffir]

There's a team already know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. How was your set, though? Did you have a good set?

[Orhun Tamor]

Oh, I had great sets. I. I'm the only person who did, like, 16 shows in seven days and lost money,

[Royal Oats]

you know?

[Louis J. Gomez]

How much did this end up costing you?

[Orhun Tamor]

A thousand dollars and 40 cents. Oh, no. Forty dollars and, like, 60 cents.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Right. The sense, by the way, future reference scents don't really matter here.

[Ari Shaffir]

Not really.

[Orhun Tamor]

It matters to me and.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And to Ari, by the way. It does. Yeah.

[Orhun Tamor]

That's why people survive thousands of years. Those cents, we make it count.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Amazing orhun. So fun. What else is going on? Anything else crazy we should know about?

[Orhun Tamor]

Honestly, I used to have a life before this. Now it's only comedy. Which life? I don't give a. About life.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Like, you know, it's what you want.

[Orhun Tamor]

I'll play volleyball after I'm dead. You know, I. I want to do comedy, and it's been great.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Absolutely. You're doing a good job.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Or who.

[Orhun Tamor]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm proud of you. You're living the journey.

[Orhun Tamor]

Thank you. I love validation.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So you love white?

[Orhun Tamor]

I love Validation Nation.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Absolutely.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Esther, John's other brother.

[Orhun Tamor]

I'm not being ironic, by the way. And every now and then, I need to be patted.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, you got it. You're doing good, bud.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You look good. You're killing it. Everything's good. Or whom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tomorrow, everybody. We're gonna keep it moving along. Good stuff. Or who'll be back soon. He's a defending golden ticket winner, so

[Ari Shaffir]

you get with the golden ticket. Explain.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't know what.

[Ari Shaffir]

Anytime you want.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, it's kind of anytime you want. It used to be, but now there's so many that you kind of leave a veils. And I look at things every week and see how many regulars we have and how many spots there are and

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

usually can only squeeze one in based on, like, a rotation kind of.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Of when the last one was. It's a good question that most people don't know about.

[Ari Shaffir]

So are they playing you off for your discussion about what they're saying? Wrap it up with music.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. It is crazy.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's crazy. That's a crazy thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I know.

[Ari Shaffir]

Legitimate question.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very hard. He has no sense of how hard

[Louis J. Gomez]

he's hitting the drums over there. There it is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it's these wacky earpieces so they can all communicate with each other.

[Ari Shaffir]

Treated like an awesome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They can be like, does anyone have a blunt?

[Orhun Tamor]

Be.

[Ari Shaffir]

Be minor means pass it down.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay, ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket poll. There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Michael, you get to play on the drums. Everybody goes by the name of Stephanie Ann. Everyone, Stephanie Ann.

[Stephanie Ann]

I just got out of a 22 year lesbian relationship. Not with a female. With a man who is a real bitch. Let's talk about it now. Men say things to me like, whose pussy is this? I'm like, I think it's mine. I mean, if this pussy at 45 and I don't own it, it better be a land contract or rent to own situation. Otherwise, please, everyone give me a dollar tonight to pay off this affirm loan. Okay? I've just lost a ton of weight with gastric sleeve surgery. For those of you who don't know what gastric sleeve is, it's where they surgically alter your stomach to only hold 4 ounces of food. But like, don't worry, boys. I can still fit 8 inches down my throat. Okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if y' all got that, but, you know, we got a ruler in the car down the road somewhere. I don't know. Austin. I'm from Detroit. All right. Anyway, I'm done, I think. All right, cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

59 seconds. She had the timing that Sir John wishes He had that.

[Ari Shaffir]

Nailed it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Amazing.

[Stephanie Ann]

Why I put the mic over here.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right, welcome, welcome, Stephanie Ann. This is your first time on the show?

[Stephanie Ann]

Yes, my first time in Austin.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I love it. Welcome. When did you get into town?

[Stephanie Ann]

On Saturday morning.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Nice. What have you done since you got here?

[Stephanie Ann]

It did a show with a couple of my friends that are comics here and got really high because, you know, 420.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Where'd you come from? Detroit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How long you been doing stand up?

[Stephanie Ann]

I've been doing standup since the pandemic. I started doing like TikTok videos and then I started doing actual stand up comedy right after everything opened up.

[Louis J. Gomez]

When did you lose all the weight?

[Stephanie Ann]

It's been a 13 year journey. I've lost £350.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. That is, for those of you wondering, that is a Peyton ruddy worth of weight.

[Stephanie Ann]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Royal Oats]

Well, guess what?

[Ari Shaffir]

You lost it. Red band found it.

[Stephanie Ann]

Yeah, yeah. I also lost the last 50 pounds with the help of Wegovy.

[Ari Shaffir]

Whoa.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Shout out.

[Stephanie Ann]

Yeah, I call her by her name. Cause that bitch has been inside me for months. So.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hey, can I just tell you, that should not be the last 50 it should not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No. I'm working hard, though.

[Miranda Meadows]

Oh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I wrong.

[Stephanie Ann]

I'm gonna go on the Arisha pear diet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Crack.

[Stephanie Ann]

Okay,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you crackhead. You crackhead Jew. Crackhead Jew. Crackhead Jew. Crackhead Jew. Crackhead Jew. This one's for you, Louis. One chant per episode.

[Royal Oats]

Check the.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

I just want to return to this real quick. I'm like 160. I just wanna. I felt like that kind of got. We skimmed over that real quick,

[Royal Oats]

bro.

[Ari Shaffir]

I have been crossing my legs this whole show.

[Dedrick Flynn]

I.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

That's because you're an old Jew, man.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I love it.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Stephanie, you said you're 45 years old.

[Stephanie Ann]

I'm 45 years old.

[Peyton Ruddy]

I feel so bad. Women. Women age like shit. Ari Shafir is 78 years old,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Stephanie.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Let's talk about that. Was that true you were in a 22 year long relationship?

[Stephanie Ann]

Yes, I was married to. I'm actually still currently married, but we're separated. But I was married to my husband for 22 years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Black guy.

[Redband]

Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

When did. When did the relationship end?

[Stephanie Ann]

It ended when I started comedy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

During the pandemic.

[Stephanie Ann]

During.

[Miranda Meadows]

Just.

[Stephanie Ann]

Just slightly after the pandemic. Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Right. So what weight were you during the pandemic?

[Stephanie Ann]

What weight was I ballpark? About 250.

[Louis J. Gomez]

About 250.

[Stephanie Ann]

Yeah. I had lost the. The first amount of weight beforehand and then had my two kids. I have two boys.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How old are they?

[Stephanie Ann]

My oldest is 12. Going through puberty right now. I just had to take a vacation. And my youngest is 10 and he is level three autistic.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay, level three.

[Stephanie Ann]

So if you need a den mother.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Isn't it interesting that he ended. The one that's 10 ended up being autistic?

[Stephanie Ann]

Yeah, that's why we cut that shit off right after that. No more babies after that.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But I mean, you're also using a bunch of medicine to lose weight during that time. Oh, no, no, no.

[Stephanie Ann]

I've only been on GLP for the last year.

[Ari Shaffir]

Just old shit.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, right? Just old.

[Stephanie Ann]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Perfect.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Are you counting your son's weight and the weight that you lost?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, son.

[Stephanie Ann]

My son is pretty big for his size. Yes, He's. He's about.

[Ari Shaffir]

You lost a bunch of weight and then your husband then dumped you?

[Stephanie Ann]

My husband then dumped me because I couldn't run away from a mini lamore. Yeah. Yeah, he did.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

I use GLPs, too.

[Stephanie Ann]

No, I dumped him, basically.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You do?

[Louis J. Gomez]

What kind of GLPs do you use?

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

I use a ginormously large pants. 160 100.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Amazing. So, Stephanie, tell us more about your life. I find you so intriguing. You seem. You're taking these jokes, you're laughing. I love it. You're like a real comedian. This is great.

[Stephanie Ann]

Thank you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Tell us more about your life.

[Stephanie Ann]

I'm an insurance claims adjuster for like a union insurance.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Can you help a guy that rented a car in Houston, Texas?

[Stephanie Ann]

You know, I probably can't because I chose not to rent a car just for that fucking reason. I was like, no, thank you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Nothing but trouble. So how did you get. You flew, obviously from Detroit.

[Stephanie Ann]

Yep, I flew from Detroit. What airline to your on? Delta, of course. Yeah, yeah. No, I'm a white woman. Come on. I'm not fucking around.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That makes sense. We had to actually fly Southwest this weekend to Las Vegas. It's the only airline that flies directly from Vegas to Austin and back. So Red Ban and I. If you're wondering, even though I got choke slammed by the undertaker last night,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

my back mostly hurts because of flying Southwest this weekend.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So it's absolutely incredible.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not kidding, by the way.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Stephanie. So you flew Delta, you landed here, you had fun with your. How many comedians did you come here with?

[Stephanie Ann]

I just came by myself. I had a little meeting thing I had to do and then came here. So I just spent the whole weekend here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Very cool. Meeting for work.

[Stephanie Ann]

Yeah, Got it.

[Ari Shaffir]

You work at Alcoholics Anonymous?

[Stephanie Ann]

Yeah. No. Totally.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Totally amazing. So since you have been broken up with your husband, you've been out dating. Are you on the sites? What's going on?

[Stephanie Ann]

I've. I've, like, dated a couple guys. But, like, honestly, I'm so busy with my kid, I'm kind of like. And you know what? People are like, train wreck, you know? So guys don't want to date you. They just want to you.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So how's that going?

[Stephanie Ann]

You know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They.

[Peyton Ruddy]

They don't want to you. They will.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

You speak for yourself, why don't you?

[Stephanie Ann]

I don't know.

[Miranda Meadows]

Yeah, I don't know, bro.

[Stephanie Ann]

There was this homeless man outside and he was trying to get it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

His name is Royal Oats.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And.

[Stephanie Ann]

Okay. I mean, this guy seems to like me. I think he's blind, though.

[Ari Shaffir]

Dude, she's like 120 and spelt.

[Stephanie Ann]

Yeah, totally.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He'll feel it. You can't trick D. Magnus by the way this guy reads. And look at him laughing like, Tell him, Tony. Tell this Jew I ain't stupid.

[Ari Shaffir]

She's a Persian princess.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He will wrap his hands around that

[Louis J. Gomez]

and be like, what the is this? 120?

[Stephanie Ann]

I'm a Hungarian gypsy, not a Persian princess.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, my goodness. You were a hungry Hungarian.

[Stephanie Ann]

Yes, yes, yes. Hungry, hungry hippo. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Stephanie, you're great. What's the longest set you've ever done?

[Stephanie Ann]

I did do a 40 minute set once. It was a train wreck. Okay. Yeah, I was not ready, but I usually do about ten 15 minute sets here and there in Detroit.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How long you in town for it?

[Stephanie Ann]

Just until tomorrow, actually. I stayed for this.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There you go. Got lucky. Yep. Did totally got lucky. Well, Stephanie, very fun. I love your style.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love your energy. Congratulations. You did it. Stephanie and everybody, we're having fun tonight. I like this episode. I love a banjo. Feel free to stay here in America with us.

[Ari Shaffir]

Please don't. I noticed he didn't banjo when the black guy was up here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's that?

[Ari Shaffir]

He didn't banjo when the black guy was up here.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's unbelievable.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, the banjo. How about another hand for Winston Marshall, everybody? Make sure you follow him on social media. Great musician. He's got great takes on the world and stuff, too. A lot of common sense for a musician and for a person.

[Ari Shaffir]

Can I say Al?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Especially for music.

[Ari Shaffir]

But I saw him play with Big J ogreson.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

At Bonnaroo, like, I don't know, 10 years ago. Years ago. You guys destroyed. Yeah, we all went like, let's check it out. And then we were converted in eight minutes.

[Chris Jurassimo]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Make some noise for your next bucket poll, everybody. It's Adam Beck. Areol.

[Areola]

I recently met a girl with herpes. And, well, I think I'm in love. I mean, what are the odds? The first woman I talked to in months has aftermarket parts. It was kind of a surreal moment for me, you know, talking to a woman, but I really think she could be the one. I mean, think about. If I'm ever losing an argument, I can just pull the herpes card. Oh, sorry, we couldn't afford groceries this month, honey. Maybe if you didn't ruin my life by getting pregnant. Oh, and you have herpes, bitch. But, you know, I'm really considering getting herpes. Think about it. There's so many beautiful women out there with herpes that no one wants to have sex with. Well, almost no one. Sorry, Redband didn't want to not include you. I was like, wow, this is what black men must have felt like when they discovered fat white women. You got a whole category for yourself. Thank you. That was my time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, that was crazy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Grab that microphone. The hell's going on, Adam?

[Areola]

A lot of things, man. A lot of things.

[Ari Shaffir]

How you had. How are you handling this? Herpes. Girlfriend?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Not a girlfriend.

[Ari Shaffir]

She's struggling with it.

[Tom Frank]

Huh?

[Areola]

I got blocked in the. So you got blocked? Yeah, I got blocked.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What happened? How'd you get blocked? How is that chick with herpes like this idiot?

[Areola]

I don't know, man. She started talking to another guy at the bar. I was like, you know what? He can get it, not me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Areola]

And so I just passed it on. Well, that sounded bad. That sounded bad. I don't actually have herpes. It's just part of the joke.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whatever.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Sure. So, Adam, how long you been on stand up?

[Areola]

This is like, my first real time, so. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What does that mean exactly to you? First real time?

[Louis J. Gomez]

What does that mean?

[Areola]

Well, I went to this. I went to one open mic.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay, Sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Now the question will be answered on the podcast.

[Areola]

I listen to your podcast, man. Not cool, dude.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

You rule.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right.

[Areola]

So I went to one open mic in Fort Worth, and it was like, I could walk butt naked and no one would have seen me. You know, there's no one there. And then. So that was a few weeks ago, and I decided to come down to kill Tony because I had a Monday off of work.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Peyton, can I give you some pointers?

[Areola]

Yes, sir.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

If you're trying to close, strong knock, knock jokes are. It's the best way you can end. It's one of the most classic styles of comedy. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, Adam, here you are struggling through

[Louis J. Gomez]

a set on the biggest show in the industry. Do you regret the decision? Are you looking forward? Is this something you want to do, like, for the rest of your life? How old are you?

[Areola]

23.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay, so now answer the question from a.

[Areola]

No, I don't regret it at all. You know, I think failing will only make me better.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There you go. I like that.

[Areola]

I love stand up, but, like, long term, I want to be more like a writer. So I figured if I just get into stand up, because I want to be a script writer for scripted comedy and, like, I don't really know anyone in the industry, so I figured if I try doing stand up, hopefully get myself out there, maybe someone thinks I'm funny, maybe they'll give me a chance to, you know, just get in the writers room, maybe just learn.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Is.

[Peyton Ruddy]

I feel like you're further away from that goal after this set. You set yourself back years. Just tonight.

[Chris Jurassimo]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Now the people that would have hired

[Louis J. Gomez]

you are like, I will never work with that guy.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hell, now, buddy, I. I gotta tell you, I personally know everyone in the industry, and I can put In a good word for you, could you be up with somebody with herpes?

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

I think you're very funny.

[Areola]

Thank you.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

And for the first time, you were pretty confident and you were. You were. You were killing it. And I like your. Your honesty and vulnerability. Talking about your game plan. Most comics come up here and they're like, I don't know, I just. And you had like, you know, all

[Louis J. Gomez]

these things I admire completely agree with Peyton here. For 23 years old, it's an amazing start.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is kind of always weird to start here, but you're 23 and have a lot of things time ahead of you. This is when a good time to start.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Arisha here.

[Ari Shaffir]

Was there any thought before you went on stage today of not wearing shorts on a 57 degree day?

[Areola]

Well, I live in Fort Worth and it was sunny there and like, I don't check the. I just. I don't check the weather. I just walk out and I'm like, if I made a bad decision, I'm like, it just got a man up.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Dude, how many comics are Dallas today? Like, Dallas Fort Worth is like half the lineup tonight.

[Areola]

Yeah, sorry, what was that?

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Never mind.

[Ari Shaffir]

It wasn't about. It wasn't about you. It was a. It was just an observation. Funny for really no reason.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

It's your first time doing stand up and your shirt says, not my first rodeo.

[Areola]

Shout out, Mike stud.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

It indeed is your first rodeo.

[Areola]

Yes, sir.

[Ari Shaffir]

Fake it till you make it. That's what that shirt says.

[Areola]

Yes, sir.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Adam, before I let you go, tell us one more crazy thing about your life. You have any special skills or talents other than, well, anything at all?

[Areola]

I mean, I could try to trauma dump, you know, to get some envy, but I don't know.

[Dedrick Flynn]

What.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Do you have a crazy traumatic thing that happened to you?

[Areola]

I mean, who doesn't? I mean, my mom recently got canceled.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How did your mom get canceled?

[Areola]

I don't know. It's kind of impressive to get that done in 2026, but go ahead. So it's kind of. I'll make a long story short. So My birthday was February 1st. My grandpa's is February 3rd, and I like a tweaker uncle. We wanted to plan a birthday for my grandpa. He's like 20 years sober, and the drugs still mess with him a little bit. So he's like, let's schedule a family gathering, get everyone together. For my grandpa's birthday, I was like, you know what? My family's a little dysfunctional. I'll fade that and just stay here in Texas instead Of going back home.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Where's home?

[Areola]

California.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay, go ahead.

[Areola]

And then so my mom, the family's all there and she's like, you know what? Screw this. I'll do what any normal person will do with a dysfunctional family. I'll go to the bar at 12 on a Saturday, you know, get a midday fade in and then make the long story shorter. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, sorry Dale.

[Ari Shaffir]

Tell stories like a woman.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Dude, we need more detail.

[Areola]

They planted these ice protesters right outside the bar. And so obviously my mom has that 2pm fade in after the bar, you know, cuz family drives us all crazy. And she's walking out and there's these ice protesters and you're drunk from the bar, of course you're gonna go talk to them. And she's talking with them. They get a little bit of arguments, you know, a little pushing and shoving happens and obviously they're recording it. You know, they're clip baiting.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Uh huh. Keep going.

[Areola]

And they get in a little like argument, a pushing fight and then they get separated. But they recorded it and send it to my mom's work. And they didn't renew her contract at her job type sh.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Prostitutes have contracts.

[Areola]

Redband. I don't know. You have the answer.

[Ari Shaffir]

Let me tell you. I have a storytelling show myself. So let me tweak that for you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

True. It's called the end.

[Ari Shaffir]

[e-mail] Tony Hinchcliffe, he's doing the final story ever done on my show.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's right.

[Ari Shaffir]

My mom was talking to these ice protesters and then all the other stuff. Yeah, you talked about your relatives. They never came back in this.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

What the bar? None of that matters.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The fact that the birthday is February 1st 3rd. None of it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was that?

[Ari Shaffir]

The 1st and 3rd. I was like, okay, this is gonna pay off.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is his first time and it's

[Louis J. Gomez]

good for him to learn.

[Ari Shaffir]

Misdirect central.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Sorry.

[Areola]

I like writing so I just like over sharing I guess.

[Peyton Ruddy]

It was a tweaker uncle, it was a grandpa. It was a whole cast of characters that never reappeared in the story.

[Ari Shaffir]

Now, now this takes takes place in a city I call.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

You know what that sounds like to me though? A future TV writer.

[Royal Oats]

That's right.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

He's got characters, he's got an arc. He don't know where he's going with it yet. But at the end of that episode we will find out why that chicken crossed the road.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That is true.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here's a little something for you to start writing. And there's a medium joke Book for Adam.

[Sir John]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's Areola, ladies and gentlemen. Keeping it moving.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Here we go. There he goes.

[Ari Shaffir]

Put me in a show.

[Royal Oats]

For real?

[Ari Shaffir]

Put me in a show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your next bucket pole. Ooh.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It's a show with.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that's Keegan. This is Keenan. Make some noise for Keenan Womack, everybody.

[Keenan Womack]

What's up, guys? I'm Keenan. I'm from a military family. I'm very proud of that. My cousin is actually overseas right now. Yeah, he joined isis.

[Areola]

Yeah.

[Keenan Womack]

Now he's a viral star. You can find all his stuff on LiveLeak. I hear a lot of stories about students and teachers having inappropriate relationships. And I'm not gonna lie, when I hear that, I get a little bit jealous. You know, I think back, you know, I was a handsome guy. Why couldn't that have happened for me when I was a teacher? You guys seen Crazy Rich Asians? Anybody seen that? Yeah, they're making a sequel. It's called Crazy Poor Asians. It's about Filipinos. They're also making a movie about Hunter Biden. It's called White Lines Matter. Yeah, that's all I got.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Keenan Womack. Some funny jokes in there. How long you been doing stuff stand up, Keenan?

[Keenan Womack]

About three years.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Where at?

[Keenan Womack]

I just did a show at Shakespeare's Next Door on Thursday. It was a lot of fun. Had a lot.

[Louis J. Gomez]

No, I mean like the whole three

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

years here in Austin.

[Keenan Womack]

Austin, yeah. So, I'm sorry, I'm not very good at answering questions.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Well, that's super smoothly, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, for sure.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What do you do for work?

[Keenan Womack]

I'm in sales.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What are you selling?

[Keenan Womack]

Well, if I told you that, I might get in some trouble. No, I'm selling tech. It sounds cooler if you say you're selling drugs, though. I feel like that's a lot more interesting.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You're a funny guy. How old are you?

[Keenan Womack]

I'm 32.

[Louis J. Gomez]

32?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What made you start stand up three years ago?

[Keenan Womack]

Well, so I actually started in high school in Dallas. I started as an 18 year old and then I got drunk for 12 years and then I stopped drinking and then I started doing stand up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So, yeah, we started at 22 and have been drunk ever since.

[Chris Jurassimo]

Yeah, Yeah, I.

[Keenan Womack]

Well, I've actually got five years sober last weekend, so.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Oh, congratulations.

[Keenan Womack]

Don't clap too much. Saturday's my cheat day. Of course, but.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Amazing. Keenan, you have any special skills or talents that would surprise us?

[Keenan Womack]

Yeah, I can rip a drum set like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No. Are you serious? Are you dead serious?

[Royal Oats]

Believe you Are you?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm going to be so pissed if you're with me. How long have you been playing drums for?

[Keenan Womack]

Like, since I was 12.

[Keegan Carmichael]

No way.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Serious.

[Keenan Womack]

I played in more bands and done more shows music than I have done done standing.

[Ari Shaffir]

If only we had a drum set here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And if only we had a running historical part of the show called a Mexican drama. I don't know if you guys know how it works. Looks like some people drag their liberal girlfriends out with them tonight. So let me explain how this goes. Historically, on this show, if a comedian knows how to play the drums, they get to have a drum solo competition with the resident drummer. All time.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Every resident drummer has won this competition. But if, if, if Keenan wins this,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

the rule, the house rule, is that

[Louis J. Gomez]

he would become the full time drummer

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

here on Kill Tony. And that Michael Gonzalez would have to

[Louis J. Gomez]

go into tech sales.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's the big twist. They have to trade job jobs, literally.

[Ari Shaffir]

Tony, I gotta give a water warning for the audience here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

For all the women in here. You're about to gush wet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's simple. I think you know how it works, right?

[Ari Shaffir]

Keen, you got a napkin to your table. Apply it now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And if you get too wet, remember, just look back at Ari Shafir and suck it back in. Way voting October. Okay, whatever.

[Tom Frank]

Go ahead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is a Mexican drum. All right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Pretty good, pretty good.

[Royal Oats]

Unimpressed.

[Stephanie Ann]

Best.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I would have gone. I would have gone a little crazier playing since 12. I would have really like built up, Built it up a little bit. Told a story there that was just kind of. Hold on. This blonde bimbo really wants to say something.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's hear, let's hear from this. Let's hear from Hulk Hogan's ex wife for a second. What.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What are you saying? Michael Gonzalez.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, hell yeah. This has been pounding Miller lights. There are six empty Miller lights on this table. I love it. She's wearing a Kill Tony shirt. The other guy's got a Buc EE's Buckeyes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I never made the connection that Buc EE's and Buckeyes are that close. It's probably a brand deal. We could.

[Ari Shaffir]

That bouncer just told you something your boyfriend never would. Shut up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. All right, ladies and gentlemen, here to defend his throne. I mean, if he, if, if the drumsticks break or something, amazing. He could lose this thing. This is Michael Gonzalez.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Man.

[Ari Shaffir]

That was a close one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, the craziest part of this competition historically is that the audience decides. Make some noise.

[Louis J. Gomez]

If you have Keenan Womb Mac winning that competition, throw that guy out.

[Ari Shaffir]

Throw whoever the clapped Mosad agent, throw him out.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And how many of you have Michael Gonzalez winning? There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But, Keenan, good news. You're a very funny man.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So you're leaving with a big joke book. You got that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There goes Keenan Womack, everybody.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Funny man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We're keeping it moving along here. We're going to go a little. A little long tonight. Is that all right with you guys?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Your next bucket bowl. Very interesting name. This should be interesting. They're definitely covering up their real identity, so we'll see what happens here. Make some noise for Phx98, everybody. License plate. Here we go.

[Phx98]

Hey, Tony. I heard you were gay, Tony. No, gta, Tony. I'm like, no way, Tony. Anyways. Tony. You fuck with raves, Tony.

[Wee Man]

Nah, for real.

[Phx98]

You fuck with raves, Tony. Shit, Tony. I think you my twin, Tony. You looking kind of thin, Tony.

[Sir John]

Shit.

[Phx98]

Bring that shit in, Tony. Damn, Tony. I've been hitting squats 50 times. Every time I wake up working on my ass, Tony. So let me ask. Tony. You fuck with raves, Tony. Oh, that's my minute, man.

[Ari Shaffir]

They really do not like people mentioning Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, it's kind of nuts.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Have you ever seen the show before or anything?

[Phx98]

Like three times.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And then what made you want to do this here?

[Phx98]

When it. My friend said do it. It.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, well, hang on.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

I think.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Think.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

I think I know what can help. That set, sir. Grab the microphone.

[Wee Man]

More time.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Exact same thing. Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't think it would really help. He didn't even rhyme.

[Louis J. Gomez]

He just kept saying Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not Tony.

[Ari Shaffir]

With Tony, it's phony. It's. It's. It's Cony.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, bony.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

What was your. What's the name again? I'm sorry.

[Phx98]

It's 98.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Is that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Is that the number above your cell or something or.

[Phx98]

Yeah.

[Areola]

Are you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you a rapper?

[Phx98]

Yes, unfortunately.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Why do you keep on doing this?

[Phx98]

I mean, what's the distance from the mic?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I wouldn't even. Okay, there you go. All right. Okay, there you go.

[Peyton Ruddy]

You bummed everyone out.

[Ari Shaffir]

You walked a guy.

[Peyton Ruddy]

That guy's leaving to kill himself right now. Dude, that guy's going to commit suicide because of what you just up here.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's gonna hang himself in the most beautiful world.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's just jump into it. You ever done stand up before?

[Phx98]

I have not, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you ever done anything on stage before?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Rap. That's about it. Do you really rap?

[Chris Jurassimo]

I.

[Royal Oats]

For real rap?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah. Really? Yes. Where the is our drummer at?

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Right here. It here.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I mean, it's like, what are you doing? What? Okay, well, I'm glad glad you're back. It's a real professional show and everybody goes pee fucking eight times an episode.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. I want to see if you can fucking do anything because I don't think you can do anything. That's the, that's the gut instinct that I'm having. So even though this fucking whole thing that you just did sucks, I'm still gonna give you a chance to rap for a second and then we'll decide

[Louis J. Gomez]

whether we fucking edit you out of the entire episode.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Because I can't have people thinking they can just be a complete piece of shit that just doesn't prepare any. Anything funny for the minute and then does this a little bit lighter cuz you guys are very loud.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So there you go.

[Phx98]

Don't jump that ship when you see you inside one want to flip like a brick no outcome out come truth when the income you but what they f to do when the code let loose Peter Piper picked a couple peppers on the way Demons fighting why the legion gonna lead the way Look, I won't get sprayed from a verse agent I can use flows that I heard replay place it, face it I can make words more fragrant Face it like a J Suzy blaze it, hate it I would never fake bruh Bars got clever when the kid woke up Bars got clever from the neo jump hard got 7 when my up street punk trying to ride away Smile for the TikTok ho got laid Find a on the TikTok wrist watching all right, I'm

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

gonna stop you there. I'm gonna stop you there.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Nah, I was feeling that though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dope.

[Ari Shaffir]

I, I, I, I got some feedback.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yes. Pton, pton.

[Ari Shaffir]

I get it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Peyton liked it because he thought it was a crunch. Crap.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Hell yeah.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

I got to say, your brother Sir John is way funnier, man. I got to say.

[Ari Shaffir]

Can, can you just eyeball the spacing or do you have. Do you have to do this? Like maybe this and then go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Imagine if you did that. You'd have to use your whole arm. Yeah, that's about right. It's about right.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

PHX98. There you go.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Put the mic in the mic stand. Phx98.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There you go. There he goes. Phx98 everybody.

[Peyton Ruddy]

One more time.

[Louis J. Gomez]

There you go. Thank you. You're welcome.

[Ari Shaffir]

Tony, you made him leave like someone who got fired at a high level business. Yeah, that was, that was so cool. We're like, I put that mic in the mic stand. Okay. I talked to you over here for a second. That was. So you just offset any problems there. That's a criminal that you're like, won't be today.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Yeah, that was nuts.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's crazy.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

He really said, go ahead and clock out for me if you could. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

People watching it at home, please don't

[Louis J. Gomez]

sign up for this show without preparing a minute.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's like a psychotic thing to do. And I don't respond to you during your one minute long set. So if you're asking me questions like, do you like Graves?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I will not answer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And the entire panel has been instructed

[Louis J. Gomez]

to not respond or interrupt the minute either. So you can't really play off them. You have to really try, to really try on this show. Just for a minute.

[Dedrick Flynn]

It.

[Ari Shaffir]

He tried with a handshake, but he left it way over there. He was like, yo, what's up?

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

No.

[Keenan Womack]

Okay.

[Ari Shaffir]

All right. Anyway, Tony, I've been having a good time. Tony. This has been a fun show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're having a good time. I. I think we have another bucket pole. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for. We know this young lady. Comedy Store door girl. Very funny person. Make some noise for Miranda Meadows, everybody. Miranda Meadows.

[Miranda Meadows]

When I finger my girlfriend. On her period, dude, my finger goes in like this. And it comes out like this. And when I'm done with Ursula, be crepe walking away. When I was a kid, I used to have nightmares. And I'd pee the bed. And recently, I found out I'm a squirter. So I think back to those times I had nightmares and I'd pee the bed. And I realized, oh, I was just sleeping next to my uncle. The uncle that molested me taught me a lot. He taught me how to roll my Rs so that when I got older, I could say rape. I was molested in the state of Michigan. He touched me here.

[Dedrick Flynn]

I've been.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Miranda.

[Sir John]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Miranda Meadows. We know Miranda. It's like a distant little sister to us over there at the Comedy Store. Holding it down.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Great energies. Always there and on stage. Luis J. Gomez.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Yeah.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Miranda. You remind me of my niece, which is kind of ironic.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, wait, wait.

[Miranda Meadows]

I would much rather you have molested me than my ugly ass Uncle

[Louis J. Gomez]

Miranda. Remind us all, how long you been with standup again?

[Miranda Meadows]

On the 25th, it'll be eight years.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Eight years. Hell, yeah. Always fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A true.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You still work in the door at the store?

[Miranda Meadows]

Yep.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Nice. You ever wear that red vest I left you?

[Miranda Meadows]

Yeah. Yes. When it's cold?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yes.

[Miranda Meadows]

I wish I brought it here. I packed horribly for this trip.

[Louis J. Gomez]

It happens. This weather here is very wonky somehow. It was 100 degrees in January and cold and rainy right now. Very bizarre. For those of you that care about the weather here in Texas, boys, it hot out here.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Ari certainly cares about the weather. He controls it.

[Miranda Meadows]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You, Ari, you. Why would you do this to us?

[Ari Shaffir]

Ari said it was too hot.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't know.

[Ari Shaffir]

I wanted to make sure everybody came inside for the shows. Miranda, you work the door still?

[Miranda Meadows]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

You know, you're the. I guess. Me, you, Tony, we've all done the same job.

[Miranda Meadows]

Oh, that's cool.

[Ari Shaffir]

Are there any.

[Miranda Meadows]

I'm the only one that can find the clit out of all of us.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. How dare you. It's right there. It's right there between the balls and the penis. We know where it is. That's the part they really like.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Miranda, what else is going on in life?

[Miranda Meadows]

You know, big balling, scissoring it up, getting money.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How long you had this girlfriend for?

[Miranda Meadows]

2 and a half years.

[Louis J. Gomez]

2 and a half years. Now normally lesbian relationships don't last that long.

[Miranda Meadows]

I know.

[Louis J. Gomez]

What is your trick to keeping everything thing steady? Been. You've been with her two and a half years. So I'm guessing you've lived together for two for three years.

[Miranda Meadows]

No, she doesn't want to live with me yet.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Wow. Why do you think that is?

[Miranda Meadows]

Probably because I'm too good at the bedroom.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I don't know.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Or because you dress like a conductor. Yeah, train.

[Miranda Meadows]

I'm dressed like the best eater in Auschwitz. God damn it.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Now they weren't eating much over there.

[Miranda Meadows]

I'll say that exactly.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Why Eddie

[Louis J. Gomez]

dress like that? You clearly don't eat. You also chew. Chew

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

all the live long day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Do you really scissor?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that a real thing? I find it to be so strange. One of the funniest things in all of any sex. They might be funny than anything gay dudes do.

[Louis J. Gomez]

But I mean like bouncing your pussies

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

off of each other.

[Miranda Meadows]

It's really fucking hard. Honestly. At the end of it, my knee just ends up up there and it's. It's really hard. It doesn't feel good. And when it does, it's two seconds and it's over.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Real ballpark.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How many is there like a ballpark of how many times a year if you had to guess that you guys

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

bounce your off of each other.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I have to know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's just hilarious, honestly.

[Miranda Meadows]

Not this year we haven't.

[Stephanie Ann]

This year.

[Miranda Meadows]

Yeah, last year a few times.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Business was booming. Last year business was booming.

[Ari Shaffir]

What's their normal 69 in?

[Miranda Meadows]

I mean, we call it 45 and a half, but it's just sucking each other's tits.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Girls can't really 69, can they? So a little bit, yeah.

[Miranda Meadows]

It's a neck crank, right?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Seems like it's possible almost. It seems like one would be kind of. You would have to like loop your arms back and one would be like kind of up to here, your legs

[Redband]

down on the back of her head.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, it's almost like a. It's almost like a Scots. It's like a Steiner recliner from Scott

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Steiner, the brother of Rick Steiner, the father of Bron Breaker.

[Redband]

Either of you have like extended labias? You could stretch it out.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Oh, good question.

[Louis J. Gomez]

That's a good question.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is over the line information. That is a crazy question to ask

[Louis J. Gomez]

and it's disrespectful to women on the show. Do any of you have extended labia?

[Miranda Meadows]

I mean, it's probably easier 69ing as a two men. You'd probably know a lot about this, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. No, it's true. It's very true. 69 with 2 men works depending on

[Louis J. Gomez]

the height of the other man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, how many.

[Louis J. Gomez]

If you had to guess how many toys you have between the two of you, I always find that intriguing about true as well, because it takes so many things to replace one penis.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm interested to hear.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm interested to hear how many toys.

[Miranda Meadows]

Yeah, you want to take a guess?

[Louis J. Gomez]

I'm gonna guess 14.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, I'm gonna guess one train set.

[Miranda Meadows]

It is one. And it is a nicely sized green dildo so we can see in the dark.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Oh, I imagine at night when you guys go to bed, it comes alive like Toy Story. It's just like me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Literally.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Is it two sided? It's just a one sided dildo. You guys ever do a two sided dildo, like out a requiem for a dreamer? No.

[Miranda Meadows]

That scares me.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Right?

[Miranda Meadows]

Cuz you can't feel it either way. I mean. No, wait, wait, wait. When it's what, what, what? Okay, wait, no. I've had sex before, guys, I swear. I swear I'm bisexual if you believe it or not. No, I've never done a two sided dildo.

[Ari Shaffir]

Have you ever had sex? Do you ever have like a threesome with another person who's going to hell?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Because if not, Ari's happy to join you and your girlfriend?

[Ari Shaffir]

I've heard about sex, but I can you teach.

[Miranda Meadows]

I have seen Ari's dick before while he's on Stage. And I will say it's perfect size.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's also green like your favorite dildo.

[Miranda Meadows]

Perfect.

[Ari Shaffir]

Said that would go away in its own

[Louis J. Gomez]

amazing.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Miranda. You have the energy like you should have a slingshot and a frog in your pocket.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

You're a real Bart Simpson type personality.

[Ari Shaffir]

I mean, I. I'll pate your fence

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

for your apple core instead of eat my shorts. You're like, eat my.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Miranda, you are just fantastic. We love your energy, great jokes. My favorite appearance on your show, on this show so far. Thank you, Tony of it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're just great.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We love you and we will see you when we come to Los Angeles for the Dome in just a couple short weeks. And we love you. Here's a big joke book just for fun. There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

She may be gay, but she catches like a girl.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You know what? I'm gonna bring somebody out who specializes in eating pussy, believe it or not, because he can do it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Louis J. Gomez]

They're both standing up. Ladies and gentlemen, just here to say hello, an old friend of the show, former panelist who's just swinging by in town. Make some fucking noise for one of your favorite stars from the hit movie Jackass.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And the new Jackass is coming out June 26th. Jackass. The best and last, ladies and gentlemen, just to say hello. Make some fucking noise for Wee man, everybody. What's up, brother?

[Wee Man]

How you doing, Tony?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome, welcome.

[Wee Man]

How you doing, Red man, We man.

[Peyton Ruddy]

This is not Preston Lacey.

[Wee Man]

This is Preston Lacey and Ice Child.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

It's that last chick's double sided dildo.

[Wee Man]

Am I huge? Yeah, but I'm not green. No, no, no, no, no. You're not 160, by the way.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Yeah, well, you're 160 centimeters, buddy.

[Louis J. Gomez]

So.

[Wee Man]

This way?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I love this.

[Wee Man]

By the way, lesbian 69 is L7. Oh, L7.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I like that. We man. Welcome back to the Kill Tony universe. We've missed you. You've been out in la. We accidentally abandoned everybody out there.

[Royal Oats]

You did?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Wee Man]

It's all right. You abandoned your favorite neighbor, too.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And he's absolutely.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The great Rick Kosik. One of the more famous. The famous cameraman for all the Jackass movies, and I were extremely close next door neighbors for a long time. We had a very home improvement like relationship. His head come up to my fence and I would be out there, obviously chain smoking and writing and whatnot. And. And we would talk every day. We'd go to the farmer's market. We all would get some Philly cheesesteaks.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Tony, you're not gay at all. No, I said you're not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

If you saw Rick Kosik, you would know it was not a sexual relationship.

[Royal Oats]

Come on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah, I would. Totally, Rick.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Absolutely.

[Ari Shaffir]

I've seen that guy barf on film more than anyone in the world.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's hilarious.

[Louis J. Gomez]

And we love Rick. We're all very good friends with him. We man, this movie's coming out June 26th. I've heard so many great things about it. We all know that I am a massive fan. I've always said there's only two funny things left in this world, and that is Jackass in South Park.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We are so excited, so excited to see it.

[Louis J. Gomez]

How do you feel about what you guys got on film?

[Wee Man]

It's actually really, really good. This time we went right away in the beginning, we went and shot for five days. That's it. We got 40 minutes. That's over half the movie in five days. Usually we take like six months and we take breaks. And Knox is like, well, now that we're working at this speed, who knows what's next? Yeah, yeah, no, it's. It's gonna be a fucking good one. And we went viral on Friday because we blew up the back of Simi Valley and it was like a family park. And everybody's like, oh, shit. There was two explosions and. Okay, we're gonna hear helicopters soon. And all of a sudden, it was nothing. Cause we had all the cops in fire department. They all knew we were gonna blow shit up.

[Ari Shaffir]

So Jackass started the fire in Los Angeles. And this is Jackass. And we're destroying Pasadena.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Wee Man. What else is going on in life? Anything else crazy we should know about?

[Wee Man]

Nothing crazy. I just got an old Canon Elon film camera and I started taking shots. And I have a photo show coming up.

[Louis J. Gomez]

I love it. Nothing better than low angle photos.

[Wee Man]

Oh, yeah. Double chin. Double chin on every everybody skirt pictures.

[Peyton Ruddy]

We man, that. That's a GoPro.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

He's like. And this one is a shot of ankles, and this one is a shot of ankles as well.

[Ari Shaffir]

Who got the most PTSD this year?

[Wee Man]

What's up?

[Ari Shaffir]

Who got the most PTSD this year?

[Wee Man]

Dave England. He shoved his finger into Zach's ass and he tore his. His middle finger. He tore the tendon right here.

[Ari Shaffir]

Butt. What in a butt?

[Royal Oats]

In. In.

[Wee Man]

Straight in towards tendon.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And he had to go.

[Wee Man]

And he didn't realize it at first. We did this whole crazy bit and then he went. He goes, dude, I can't move my finger, guys. So he goes to the doctors. And we're like, yes. And we're like, did you tell him what happened? He goes, yeah, I told him. And the assistant, I shoved my finger up a dude's ass and broke it. And my first thought was the doctor's wife that night was like, like, so, honey, how was work? Oh, wait till you hear this one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I am hard as a rock right now.

[Ari Shaffir]

You know that dude? That dude is like. He's now going around Holly going, I literally have the tightest ass in la.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Where can people see that photo show that you're doing?

[Wee Man]

It's at a small little venue called House of Danger in Costa Mesa, May 2nd.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Nice.

[Wee Man]

Going to be fun. Awesome Drinks and burgers and low angle photos.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We love you. We man. Jackass. The best. And last, it's called comes out June 26th. You guys know what to do. Go have fun. Smoke some pot and go watch a funny ass undeniable movie. A lot of our friends and former guests of the show, of course, are part of the cast.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Basically everybody. I think everybody's been on it except for Knoxville, who was almost on it, but lost him. I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We had some crazy stuff going on that day. Had a little gig at Madison Square Garden the night before. Little something happened. We don't worry about that, though. It's all behind us.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Okay. I mean, guys, what a episode we've had. And there's only one way to end

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

an episode like this. Unbelievable. It or not, it's probably not how you think.

[Louis J. Gomez]

William Montgomery is going through it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ari madd's doing extra sold out shows. And Timmy no Breaks is recovering from a big fall at WrestleMania, which is

[Louis J. Gomez]

available now obviously on Netflix, Kill Tony Mania went live. Yeah, go watch it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But ladies and gentlemen, I promise you, when I. I tell you that one of the most amazing regulars with the most potential and only a couple appearances under his belt is waiting right behind that curtain. He will be, if he's not already one of your favorite comedians in the world. Make some noise for the future, everybody. This is a new set from Pat o'. Neill. Everybody.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Jokes.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Started doing that thing where you choke yourself while you masturbate. You guys have heard about this? The cinnamon challenge.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Fun times.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Last time I did that, I was watching some midget porn. At least I hope.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Got a big porn crowd here.

[Wee Man]

All right.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Most of you are either Amish or liars. It's fine though. And watching too much of that stuff growing up, I think it gave me unrealistic expectations of women, you know, like thinking lesbians would be pretty rarely the Case. I dated a Jewish Jewish girl once, ended up being a lesbian. The old double Ike, Part of the lgbtq. You know, the ancient Jews. As legend has it, they saw Jesus Christ at the Last Supper picking up the tab for 12 other dudes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And we're like, he must be God.

[Louis J. Gomez]

We have to kill him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, thank you. Unbelievable. I mean, he does this. This is what he does. That's clearly the fucking set of the night. The hardest hitting jokes. Totally almost made me take a spit take. I thought I could take a full sip of water while he was coming out in the.

[Louis J. Gomez]

The folks got me real good, right from.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. You're folks, you're.

[Louis J. Gomez]

You just have a. You just have the beats, man. Let's check in with Lis J. Gomez.

[Peyton Ruddy]

First of all, you are very funny. That's unique and funny. Great jokes, but you do look like Pennywise in high school.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Pennywise is also what Ari Shaffir calls his pocket Phil, filled with pennies that he finds on 6th Street.

[Ari Shaffir]

So many out there. The snake guy, no one is looking at him. I'm picking up pennies right behind him. Dude, you have the most hair of a ball person I've ever seen in my life. Have a black widow's peak.

[Louis J. Gomez]

All right, let's have the third person tell me how ugly I am.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Peyton, I.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

It's not about how ugly they are. I'm just surprised how funny you are when you spend most of your time trying to reanimate dead flesh at your house. You're like Dr. Frankenstein, dude. Your bedroom's just full of, like, you know, like, bubbling tubes and.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, yeah, I kill ladies.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Yeah, I'm calling you a psychopath. Yeah, yeah, you get it, o'.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Neal. You are so funny.

[Royal Oats]

Rules.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Thank you. Tony, crazy question. What's your writing process? Is it daytime, nighttime at a desk? Does it come to you and you write it on. On your phone? Is it in the shower?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is it driving?

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yeah, just like all day. Yeah, Shower and driving.

[Ari Shaffir]

Lay down in an open grave and wait till it comes to you.

[Peyton Ruddy]

I feel like he writes all of his jokes by climbing. Clipping out letters from magazines and newspapers.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Yeah, there's a great spot. I go to write. I fly on in. I hang upside down by my feet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

God damn it,

[Louis J. Gomez]

Pat o'.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Neill. I cannot stress enough how funny I think you are and how excited I

[Louis J. Gomez]

am for you to be a full time regular on this show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You did it again, buddy. You're amazing. Don't change a thing. Wanna do it?

[Peyton Ruddy]

So, Pat, you're great, dude. And we just Announced that Skankfest tickets are on sale today. How would you like to come?

[Ari Shaffir]

Let me just break it right now and say that I am inviting you myself

[Dedrick Flynn]

here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know what? I would like to have you.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

I would like to have you on the secret show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This. All expense paid trip.

[Ari Shaffir]

There's a suite that some named Dave Smith's not using. You can have that.

[Peyton Ruddy]

No, I want you at Skank Fest also, to be honest with you, dude. Peyton, are you coming to Skank Fest this year?

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

I was planning.

[Ari Shaffir]

You know, Peyton, let me be the first one. I have invited you to Skank Fest. You are now a proud member of Skankfest.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're there. There.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

I was going. I didn't get in last year and. And then this year.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Can you believe it? No. I'm gonna be in. In DC at the time. So.

[Peyton Ruddy]

You're gonna be in dc?

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Yeah.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Doing shows.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Yes.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Cancel the weekend. Come party at Gang Fest.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

What are you doing, dude? All right.

[Ari Shaffir]

Just asking for a week later. It's still early D.C. it's a.

[Pton (Peyton Ruddy)]

Okay. All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Peyton Ruddy's gonna be there. Pat o' Neal's gonna be there at Skank Fest. And the rest of us are going to be at Skank Fest. Believe it or not, everybody. How about one more time for the great Pat o', Neal, everybody. Your soon to be favorite comic if he's not already. Make some noise for the great Louis J. Gomez, everybody. Skank Fest.com for the final tickets to Skank Fest, there's not going to be a Kill Tony. Just to make it clear, however, we're all doing stand up and everybody shows story wars, all the fun stuff.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Well, it's a 10th anniversary. You never know what could happen, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, I do know what can happen.

[Ari Shaffir]

What did happen on the last time you did Kill Tony on Skankfest?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did happen? Yeah, you took a on the stage

[Ari Shaffir]

and anything could and will happen at Skank Fest. Kill Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Anything can happen.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'd like to guarantee right now Kill Tony will happen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's definitely not. Do not.

[Royal Oats]

You heard it here first.

[Ari Shaffir]

Kill Tony is happening. Not skate.

[Dedrick Flynn]

You know what?

[Louis J. Gomez]

There's going to be 2 kil tonies at.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, definitely not. However, there will be a Kilon at Madison Square Garden on Aug. 7 and Aug. 8. The Intuit Dome in Los Angeles and the Moody center on New Year's Eve minor arenas.

[Ari Shaffir]

You need to do it at 130 seat room escape egg fest.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

130 would be, I think, an upgrade compared to the rooms that we've done before. One more time for the great Ari Shafir, everybody. The End. The storytelling super series is available now. Go to arishafir.com guys. Boy oh boy, what a first episode. Perhaps one of my favorite firsttime panelists of all time. I knew it makes a noise for Peyton. Ry everybody. I'm telling you, this guy's the freaking nature. Follow him on instagram at pton ready comedy. That's ruddy. And go see him live. Go to Payton Ready live.com his tour. My best work is happening now. Thank you.

[Ari Shaffir]

The DC show is being rescheduled as we speak.

[Dedrick Flynn]

That's right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you to our sponsors, Shopify, Talk Space and Ziprecruiter for this episode. One more time for Winston Marshall on the banjo joining us everybody. I love the fact that some of the best musicians in the world join us sometimes randomly on this show. It's so awesome. So crazy. Let's see what Chris Rogers drew tonight.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Just for shits.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And oh, Shane Gillis.

[Ari Shaffir]

That guy's on my storytelling show the End.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's also on the storytelling show available at arishafir.com and he'll also be at skankfest gang fest.com red band.

[Redband]

You know I just. Peyton used to work at the Sunset Strip and I'm so happy for you Peyton. When you left Sunset it made me really depressed. But you could check out sunsetstripatx.com and find the next Peyton.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is true a lot of people ask me to do panel on this show and when when Peyton asked me, there was no hesitation whatsoever. Even as after that Lewis said he's coming in town and Ari said he's coming in town. I said I wanted to keep it three people because I knew Peyton would crush One more time for the debut of Peyton ready to the Kill Tony universe. We did it again. Go watch Kill Tony Mania on Netflix and come see us live in New York, Louisiana, Everywhere. And life goes on. Good night everybody. Thank you. Sam. Wide awake in her whiskey hole.

[Louis J. Gomez]

Yes you can.

[Keenan Womack]

A five minute quick and easy calorie burning workout. Give it a try. Come join our sweat sesh on TikTok.

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