#779 - ADAM RAY

Summary

Kill Tony #779 - Adam Ray (August 4, 2026)

Comedy Mothership, Austin, TX

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Episode Overview

This high-energy episode of Kill Tony features the return of fan-favorite guest Adam Ray—now a Netflix star and the only two-time Kill Tony Hall of Famer and Guest of the Year. Hosted by Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redban, the show welcomes an eclectic mix of comedians, including regulars, golden ticket winners, and unexpected walk-ons, leading to viral moments, heartwarming surprises, and raunchy crowd interactions. The episode is jam-packed with crowd work, irreverent humor, interviews with a cast of colorful comedians, and standout performances from both newcomers and veterans.

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Adam Ray’s Triumph and Banter

• [06:03] Tony introduces Adam Ray as the only two-time Hall of Famer and Guest of the Year, now starring on Netflix.
• [07:24] The crew reminisce about Adam’s most famous previous appearances, including his legendary Dr. Phil impression and his rise on Kill Tony.
• Adam Ray reveals his wife is 5 months pregnant, earning a big crowd reaction.
• Jokes about who the real father is, with Adam and Tony riffing on paternity:

  “The dad is not Redban. I know some of you were wondering...” – Adam Ray [08:11]

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2. Martin Phillips’ Return

• [10:16] Martin Phillips, a beloved golden ticket winner, opens the night strong with jokes about sex ed and bananas.
• [13:10] Gifts the panel custom T-shirts from his own backpack, sparking playful conversation about his “moist” persona and heavy sweating.
• Tony pitches Martin’s “heavy sweater” as a merch opportunity and riffs on “moisture” as Martin’s brand.

  “Speaking of a heavy sweater, people can get that at their merch...” – Tony [17:07]

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3. First Open Mic Performers & Interviews

Chin Way

• [18:38] Does jokes about race, sex ed, and growing up; riffs on his time away from comedy to write a script for Redban and Adam Ray.
• Presents a wild movie idea: "Allah Haha" or "Taliband" about cancel-culture comedians and the Taliban.

  “We’re making fun of the right things.” – Chin Way [22:14]

• Discusses his job (epoxy floor installer) and love life with wicked audience-back-and-forth about pickup lines, including a recurring bit on his name (“Which way? Chin way!”).

Fang Chow

• [35:10] Fang Chow brings tight jokes about American bathrooms and squatty potties, sharing his immigrant experience and dating life “as a real American.”
• [37:04] Jokes about having a hot American girlfriend and meeting on a dating app (“Bumbo.”)
• Shares favorite cereal stories with Adam Ray, sparking nostalgia and more crowd-relatable bits.

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4. Celebrity Drop-In: Big Ed from 90 Day Fiance

• [43:25] Big Ed draws huge applause for his surprise appearance, riffing on his fame, body shape, and awkward celebrity moments.

  “You’re shaped like the barrel that the wine’s made in, by the way.” – Tony [50:08]

• Shares stories about his time on reality TV, viral memes (“I like the view. You’re my best view”), and cameo business.
• Recalls being recognized in public:

  “‘Are you the TikTok guy?’ He goes, ‘You’re a legend.’” – Big Ed [54:02]

• Hilariously participates in a live onstage kiss with an audience member (Brooklyn), culminating in over-the-top crowd reactions and Tony’s commentary.
• Opens up about his notorious love life and relationships, with audience members offering playful commentary throughout.

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5. Golden Ticket Winners & Standouts

Orhun Timor (Golden Ticket)

• [66:29] Turkish comic returns, delivers dry, politically edgy material about immigration, Turkish prisons, and state censorship.
• Provides insight on getting out of military service in Turkey (“You have to have anal insertion in your own butt.” – [71:11]).
• Riffing with Adam Ray and Tony about catchphrases:

  “I start dry, it takes me 10 minutes usually to get to the wet jokes.” – Orhun [72:19]

Michael Dragon

• [75:16] Debuts with jokes about his friend’s troubles and JFK. Gets grilled about his job (collections), name, and dating life.
• Reveals he hasn’t had sex or kissed anyone in eight years—leading to a spontaneous onstage kiss with a volunteer (Julia) which, per her assessment, he needs to “do better.”
• Interview twist: Michael is openly dating a trans woman; candidly discusses the complexities and humor of their courtship.

Alexis Alizari (Trans Standup & Michael’s Girlfriend)

• [97:00] Unleashes high-energy, well-structured jokes about dating, Tinder, and the realities of being a trans woman in the US; brings vulnerability about being fetishized and finding real intimacy.

  “Michael Dragon is the first guy I've dated that hasn’t had a swastika tattoo on his face.” – Alexis [100:06]

• Highlights challenges and costs of gender-affirming surgery, and her own controversial opinions on trans issues—sparking support and laughter.

Andre Belton

• [106:53] Latino comic riffs on immigration, Trump, and sex addiction.
• Describes his social media stardom (58 million TikTok views), comedic reaction content, and love of “fucking...I’m an ex sex addict.”
• Crowd interaction about picking up “fat chicks” with irreverent honesty and Tinder sponsorship stories.

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6. Regulars’ Sets and Final Segments

Dedrick Flynn

• [115:01] Strong set about classic vs. modern horror movies—"Now when you watch horror movies, they're just like, don't fall in love, don't ever meet your neighbors...The worst thing you could do is meet your neighbors." [115:16]
• Jokes about conspiracy theories regarding AI and social isolation, shares he recently recorded a comedy special, and quips about time spent on vacation after release from prison.

Maya Shimizu (New name)

• [121:49] Asian-Austinite delivers a raucous set debunking Asian stereotypes, lesbian experimentation, and “science experiments” in dating.
• Shares her diverse background—former CPS worker, now a fire inspector, comedic stance about dating across cultures, and writing motivations.
• Tony and Redban praise her raw honesty and encourage her to persist in comedy.

Jacob Guildry (Final Open Mic)

• [132:24] Cajun/Louisiana comic—jokes about his FFA past and tearing his meniscus during the “cha cha slide.” Playful grilling about being Jewish (he’s not).
• Opens for Adam Ray’s upcoming tour after a strong debut.

  “Would you like to open for me in Birmingham, Alabama, and Atlanta, Georgia, in October?” – Adam Ray [135:36]

Pat O’Neal (Closer & Regular)

• [137:23] Paired-down deadpan set on swastikas, roleplay, and women’s self-defense classes—hits hard with subtle misogyny and Nazi humor.
• Adam Ray and Tony praise Pat’s meteoric rise and affable delivery.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Adam Ray on not being the father:

  “The dad is not Redban. I know some of you were wondering...” [08:11]

• Redban roasting Michael Dragon:

  “You’d have to break the ice, or break the rice, in your case.” [24:53]

• Big Ed recounting viral fame:

  “‘Are you the TikTok guy?’ He goes, ‘You’re a legend.’” [54:02]

• Audience erupts during live cameos and onstage makeout sessions:

  “That was better than being on the show.” – Big Ed [61:25]
  “No, he’s not natural. Not natural.” – Julia, after kissing Michael Dragon [90:43]

• Alexis Alizari on her dating pool:

  “I have fucked more Nazis than a Russian winter freeze.” [100:28]

• Maya Shimizu debunking stereotypes:

  “Some of us have hot dogs in a hallway for a fucking pussy...Not talking about me or anything.” [123:06]

• Dedrick Flynn on modern horror movies:

  “Don’t ever meet your neighbors…Just sit in the house and hate people.” [116:08]

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• [06:03] Adam Ray’s triumphant intro & career highlights
• [10:16] Martin Phillips golden ticket opener, T-shirt gifting
• [18:38] Chin Way’s set & unconventional movie pitch
• [35:10] Fang Chow’s immigration stories & pie date
• [43:25] Big Ed’s viral drop-in, crowd work, and wild kiss
• [66:29] Orhun Timor’s Turkish tales & prison humor
• [75:16] Michael Dragon’s awkward interview & viral kiss
• [97:00] Alexis Alizari’s high-energy trans set
• [106:53] Andre Belton on sex addiction & social media
• [115:01] Dedrick Flynn’s horror movies & AI rants
• [121:49] Maya Shimizu’s Asian-American, queer, fire inspector set
• [132:24] Jacob Guildry closes out; Adam Ray offers tour spot
• [137:23] Pat O’Neal’s sharp, deadpan regular set

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Episode Tone & Format

• Language: Uncensored, playful, dark, and irreverent—classic Kill Tony.
• Energy: High-octane, interactive, and crowd-focused with many spontaneous moments.
• Highlights: Celebrity surprises, audience participation (live kisses!), open talk about sexuality and identity, roast-style interviews, and ridiculous show traditions (merch giveaways, jokes about personal hygiene, and call-backs).
• Noteworthy: Redban’s comedy and crowd work stood out this episode, frequently being praised by Tony and Adam Ray for “batting 1,000” and even earning a “golden ticket” recognition.

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Conclusion

Episode #779 with Adam Ray is one for the books—celebrating the unpredictable, boundary-pushing spirit of Kill Tony. With classic off-the-cuff roasts, vulnerable moments, and more crowd interaction than usual, it exemplifies why the show remains the world’s #1 live podcast. Whether you're a die-hard fan or a new listener, the blazing mix of comedy and chaos ensures laughs (and a few jaw-drops) from start to finish.

Transcript

[Announcer]

Hear that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's now crispy McCrispy strip meeting creamy Caesar sauce. Sounds extra crispy. Caesar sauce at McDonald's for a limited time. Ba da ba ba ba.

[Sponsor Voice]

Try angel stuff for your tushy. It's made by Angels. Soft and strong. Budget friendly. The choice is simple. Up a pack today. Angel soft, soft and strong.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is Redband and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out tonyhengchcliff.com for everything. The Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe. You can also check out Shopsquad TV for Death Squad merch hats, mugs, whatever. Shopsquad tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Redmond coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get over Tony Hitchcock. Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Big club of Brian right there. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You made it. Welcome to Kill Tony, the number one live podcast in the world. How the we doing tonight, everybody? Very exciting stuff. How exciting. How many of you traveled here to be here tonight? Make some noise if you live in Austin, Texas.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

See that? Look at that. Remember, I mean, these ticket drops are incredible. It's amazing that people travel from all around the world. It's amazing. How exciting. What a beautiful crowd we have here tonight of different shapes and sizes of white people. Very exciting.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where's my Latinos at tonight?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

There are a lot of Latinos here. Yep, always a lot of Latin. What kind of Latino are you, sir? Mexican.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perfect.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Anyway,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

there they are. How about a hand for the Mexican

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

portion of the band?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The great Fernando Castell steel. Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa. Tres leches I call them. With Michael Gonzalez, they are huevos rancheros. Tonight, the great Dave Share joining us on guitar. I know you're wondering, how did Matt Muling grow all that hair? It's not Matt Muhling, it's Dave Sher. The great John Dee's on the keys behind me, the leader of the band

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

since November of the year 2020. And believe it or not, that guy with the bass guitar right there, that is D Madness.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ladies and gentlemen, an amazing show we have for you. You came on an absolutely perfect night.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. You can be a little piggy. This August 7th and August 8th and watch kill Tony live from Madison Square Garden on our own independent livestream.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Holy moly. Kill Tonylive.com that's where you go. You can watch both nights live.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

These episodes will not go onto YouTube. They're never going to be a normal Monday drop. If you want to see these live Madison Square Gardens, you have to watch the stream.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's available for replay if you buy

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

it for a few weeks, I do believe. And you can have an option of getting merch bundles as well. So go to killtonylive.com get tickets this Thursday at noon to watch the livestream

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

August 7th and August 8th. And if you're a real big kid,

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

get on an airplane and join us

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

live August 7th and August 8th.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Tony hinchcliffe.com for those tickets and get the stream afterwards to watch again what you already saw.

[Sponsor Voice]

Boom.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Mind blowing. Pigs in the blankets all day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We'll see you there. Kill tonylive.com this Thursday at noon. I love it.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

All right, before we get into it, I got to tell you guys about something. We just launched Kill Tony. Plus, here's the deal. You sign up, you get every new episode ad free and uncensored.

[Sponsor Voice]

Free.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

We're giving members a brand new angle of the show that's never been seen before. This is as close as you can get to sitting in the audience. You also get bonus content, Q and A episodes, behind the scenes stuff, extra bits you're not getting anywhere else. And there's perks on the merch store too. It's five bucks a month. That's less than a cost of a beer or a pack of cigarettes or a lot of fun things. Links in the description or go straight to kill tony.supercast.com to join. This is a very, very exciting opportunity for all you die hard fans and super haters. Go to killtonysupercast.com all right, back to the show. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, sometimes I have three guests,

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

sometimes I have two guests. When things are really, really, really good, I just have one guest. Tonight is one of those nights because we like to let the show breathe a little bit. Sometimes with one guest it gives us all more time to do what we do best. And when I say a great guest, I mean I'm talking about the only two time Kill Tony hall of Fame member. The multiple time. The only multiple time guest of the year in Kill Tony history. You know him from so many great episodes, including the biggest episode ever in the show's history. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you one of only four living members of the KIL Tony hall of Fame.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is the one and only, the undeniable, the force of nature that is known simply as Adam Ray.

[Audience Member]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah. Live in the fun, the one and the only. Right where it all started. Right where it all started, ladies and gentlemen. And now the Adam Ray show is on Netflix. Every Friday, a new episode drops. I mean, I feel like it really.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

The big boom. I have to say, I have to

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

take some credit in your wild success.

[Adam Ray]

You have to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Because I feel like you don't have

[Adam Ray]

to, but go ahead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Progression.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

The last few years, I mean, has just been unbelievable. I remember the New Year's. I think it was a New Year's Eve episode in which you were Dr. Phil.

[Adam Ray]

Happy New Year with Nicole.

[Chin Way]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then Dr. Phil.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I had to use some real networking to have him bestow upon you the guest of the year that year.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. It was weird to get emotional watching that.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

I was like, is it okay if I cry? Watching him be like, congratulations, you're. It's finally. It's a. You're getting famous by being me, you dirty Jew bag. Or whatever he said. I forget he didn't say that, but he said something.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

But to watch you get the credit that you deserve as truly one of the best comedians in the world means.

[Adam Ray]

Love, you guys. Thanks for all the love. And my wife is five months pregnant. Yeah, dude, fired up. You were clapping for her, obviously.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All I did was go, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

[Adam Ray]

That's me coming. The dad. The dad is not red band. I know some of you were wondering if he had anything to do with this, but no. Fired up, man. Never thought I'd be a dad, but

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

it'd be great if it was me. If I was secretly the dad and

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

the baby comes out. Just

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

make some noise for me. I'm a baby.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, my God. Can you imagine in, like. Yeah. In like 20 years if. If the child comes on the show, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, it's gonna happen. Oh, God. That baby might be in the bucket tonight. Anything can happen here.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Adam Ray is one of the most elite, perhaps I could say without any hesitation, the most elite guest in the history of the show. You know that over 200. God. Feels like even more tonight. Is it about 200? We hit three tonight. Probably 300. Close to 300 names in this bucket. Feels very girthy tonight. It's filled to the top. That's just how I like it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thick and nasty.

[Big Ed]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Probably going to keep my Baby away from the show.

[Orhun Timor]

I was.

[Adam Ray]

I was 50.

[Fang Chow]

50.

[Adam Ray]

But that just secured it.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

If I pull one of these names out of the bucket, you guys know what happens. They get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up and you know the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red Man, 13 years on the job, still doesn't know what fucking button the second button is. It's the second button, you might think,

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

what is it, the 17th cue of the night? Nope. Number two, you might be wondering how long.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

13 years again.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Did I mention 13 years every Monday. Never missed an episode for 13 years. Yikes. I'm going to let this woman, who's definitely been human trafficked by this Mexican

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

guy next to her, pull the first

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

name out of the bucket. She nervously dropped it because she wasn't expecting me to guess that she is being trafficked right now. How does he know? But while we go wrangle that first bucket pool, I got news for you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I know I'm hyping up a lot of things.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I mean, guest of the year hall of fame. This, that I'm telling you right now. Kicking off the show tonight is my

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

favorite leadoff hitter on this show's history. A golden ticket winner that absolutely just wins again and again and again. You know him, you love them. Truly one of the greatest golden ticket winners in the history of the show. For you on this special episode, make some noise for the one and only Martin Phillips, everybody.

[Alexis Alizari]

Cool.

[Martin Phillips]

Back when I used to substitute, one of my first assignments was special. At the end. The whole day I just kept saying, no, seriously, I'm the teacher, you know, I mean, I know what we're all thinking, but. Okay, cool. That's it. You know, when I was in school in Sex tab, they taught us how to put a condom on a banana. And it really came in handy. When I fucked a banana, I saw it at brown spots. I was like, don't want any of

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

that, you know,

[Martin Phillips]

but you don't need a condom for a banana. It has a kill already.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

It's.

[Martin Phillips]

It's good to go, you know, not supposed to be too hot, you know, so, okay, that's it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Martin Phillips has done it again. Welcome back, Martin.

[Announcer]

Thank you.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You look fantastic. I love that shirt.

[Martin Phillips]

A guy in South Florida.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, we know.

[Fang Chow]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

No other cities were going to be gu.

[Martin Phillips]

It's Trap Marty.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Trap Marty. Okay, I like it.

[Adam Ray]

What has to happen for you to Become the shirt version of yourself.

[Martin Phillips]

I guess. I hang out with Dad. I hang out with Cam.

[Chin Way]

Yeah.

[Martin Phillips]

I didn't hang out with black people.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, yeah. We put that together. Yeah.

[Martin Phillips]

Okay.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I love it. A face tattoo would do you good. It would be like, hey, my disabilities are down here. You know what I mean?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Distract everyone from what's going on.

[Martin Phillips]

I guess it's that distracting weekend.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I love it. Okay, Martin, you're wearing a backpack.

[Martin Phillips]

You know, I brought. No, it's not a weapon. It always concerning when a white guy has a book bag. But I brought up something for everybody.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness.

[Martin Phillips]

Not the audience, because I always, always bring up my dog. They always forget I have a dog. You always forget my dog's name.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I totally forgot you had a dog.

[Martin Phillips]

I made you a T shirt.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

That's for me?

[Fang Chow]

Yeah.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I can't believe you got it in my size. What the. That's gonna wear that to sleep for everybody. I'm guessing that first one's for red band.

[Martin Phillips]

They're all really big. Okay. Okay. You grow into it.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Let me see that one. What is that? That one's a rainbow. Oh, I love it. Oh, my goodness.

[Martin Phillips]

For red bands.

[Adam Ray]

That's a very cool shirt, Martin.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Absolutely.

[Adam Ray]

Do you have the banana? You in that backpack, too? This is for Michael. Sorry, that was rfk. That wasn't Martin. Sorry.

[Martin Phillips]

Good impression.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do they only come in 5x?

[Martin Phillips]

I get it. But it's the thought that count.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is. It is.

[Adam Ray]

Whoa.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely incredible. They're literally heavy.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

They are.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

If you're wondering how big they are, they're. Oh, that's killed it. They are heavy.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I love it.

[Adam Ray]

Very sweet.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Is there a little something in there?

[Martin Phillips]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay.

[Martin Phillips]

I was shaking. I was checking.

[Adam Ray]

No, we're gonna wait until you zip it up. I know you were waiting for us to look the other way, but we're not gonna.

[Martin Phillips]

Hey, take it to book that,

[Adam Ray]

Martin. Thank you, Martin. How do. How often are you giving out gifts? Like that was a very chivalrous thing.

[Martin Phillips]

First time

[Big Ed]

being.

[Martin Phillips]

Being gracious to you.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

It's great. No, it's great. I can't wait to wear this shirt.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you can wear it to bed. Yeah. Oh, totally.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I absolutely can't wait.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I will be definitely be at home. And it'll be on a big off day for sure. Yeah. Close the windows. Lower the blinds.

[Sponsor Voice]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Turn off all the lights.

[Martin Phillips]

Aren't you on, like, the 30th floor anyway?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, I've been doxed, everybody, by my own. I help these people All I do is help their lives, all their careers, and then what do I get in return? I'm the 30th full.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How dare you.

[Martin Phillips]

I'm on the 30th floor.

[Sponsor Voice]

Did you just.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was that your impression of me? How dare you?

[Martin Phillips]

So, yeah, I kind of.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Martin Phillips]

I was going for it.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Oh, my God.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Absolutely. Unbelievable. Martin.

[Martin Phillips]

Wow.

[Adam Ray]

Martin. Could you sweat more or it's gonna ask.

[Martin Phillips]

I know what's going on. I don't. It's open. I swear it's hot in here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's not.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

It's literally 76.6 degrees.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We keep a thermometer here on this

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

stage at all times.

[Martin Phillips]

I thought.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I guess that is a Little hot, huh? No.

[Martin Phillips]

71, 72. That's.

[Big Ed]

Look.

[Martin Phillips]

That's acceptable.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look, the AC costs a lot of money, and as you know, Joe Rogan is really struggling nowadays. It is. It is tough. Spotify only gives him hundreds of millions of dollars, and he doesn't want to sell spend any of it on keeping you dry.

[Martin Phillips]

I'm. I'm always, like, in a state of moist. Some type of wet. I don't. The heavy, heavy sweater. I don't know. It's very unfortunate.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Speaking of a heavy sweater, people can get that at their [e-mail] it's a 6T shirt, double winter jackets, heavy sweaters available this Christmas. Martin Phillips merch.

[Adam Ray]

You should make shirts of that. I mean, I don't want to tell you how to live your life.

[Martin Phillips]

It's not my. It's the dudes, and I can't steal his idea.

[Adam Ray]

Just ask him if you can get them or.

[Fang Chow]

I don't know or.

[Martin Phillips]

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how good she is. I would buy.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Martin Phillips]

What about the dog thing? Would you buy the dog?

[Adam Ray]

Do I have to answer now or can I get back to you? Okay, yeah, I'll wear this. Yeah, but. But that's very cool.

[Martin Phillips]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Ray]

So you could bottle a little bit of the sweat up with it, you know?

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah, it's so. It's like. It's like I'm in Florida right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you're thriving, Martin. Unbelievable way to get the show started. You. Martin Phillips, ladies and gentlemen. And to the bucket we go. This is the heartbeat of the show. As you know, anything could happen. It could be the next great talent. It could be an insane person. Anything can happen. It could be an old person that's been waiting decades to be discovered. It could be someone that started just a couple months ago. That's a prodigy. Could be good, could be bad. Your first bucket poll of the night, ladies and gentlemen. Goes by the name of Chin Way. Here we go.

[Chin Way]

What up, y'?

[Alexis Alizari]

All?

[Chin Way]

I got some jokes. Just the other day, this pulled a fast one on me. Maybe I just came early. I was 13 when I saw my dad's dick for the first time. Looks a lot smaller than it feels. Y' all know those cigarillos called black and mild? Never liked that name because blacks are not mild. I never understood how my grandparents can be so racist, how they can see color. Have you seen the photos back then, Just earlier, this homeless guy was asking me for money. In my head I thought, God bless you. Cause I'm not going to. Well, that's it.

[Adam Ray]

Well, that's it.

[Chin Way]

Thank you so much.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Chinwei.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome, welcome. Our first bucket pool of the night.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

So when you say blacks aren't mild,

[Chin Way]

I like to think it was a compliment.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Uh huh.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Do you have a lot of black friends?

[Chin Way]

One in Austin.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

What's his name?

[Chin Way]

Chris.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Where did you meet Chris at?

[Chin Way]

Chris Brennan. We worked at a Chris Brown.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no, no, no, that doesn't count.

[Chin Way]

Random. We worked at a bar together.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You worked together? So you didn't really like find this friend. You were assigned to work with him. You did not have a choice in the matter.

[Chin Way]

Yeah, yeah, I wouldn't have seeked it. No, no, I'm joking, I'm joking. He's a cool guy. Okay, cool guy.

[Audience Member]

All right.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Chinwei, how long have you been doing stand up comedy?

[Chin Way]

About five years now, but I took a real long break.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Was the break about four and a half years?

[Chin Way]

Apparently. Huh?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

No, it's all. Why'd you take such a long break?

[Chin Way]

I got a little distracted, actually. I got working on a side project.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

What was the side project?

[Chin Way]

I wrote a movie.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay, what's the movie about?

[Chin Way]

But I actually wrote with Red band and Adam Ray in mind for, you know, maybe producing it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you want them to give you money to make this movie after you just did that set and make all

[Chin Way]

the money from it?

[Adam Ray]

Okay, do I have to answer now or can I sleep on it? I got to wear the shirt tomorrow. I got to do a lot of

[Chin Way]

stuff, so maybe you want to sleep on it.

[Sponsor Voice]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

What do you mind if we. I would love to hear. Yeah, well, what is it called for Shower four.

[Chin Way]

So it's going to be called

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

My

[Chin Way]

Friend Chris is Black. So that would actually work out. Yeah, but it's either called Allah Haha Ah. Or Taliband Ah.

[Adam Ray]

It would have been cooler if you said we're going to do Two Girls One cup, the sequel.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Adam Ray]

Okay, well, let's not let the title. Let's not judge a book by its cover. What is, what's the premise? Give me like a couple log lines.

[Chin Way]

We're thinking about two cancel comedians. Ends up in the Middle east, finds out that Talibans are more of their audience than Americans.

[Audience Member]

Ah.

[Chin Way]

And as the war comes to an end, they're stuck in a struggle of democracy or fame. And I thought it would make a sequel. It could be like Allah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, you're already working on the sequel.

[Adam Ray]

I misjudged you. I'm in. Not at all what I thought it was going to come back with. There's actually a lot of heart in it. That's cool.

[Chin Way]

I like to think we're making fun of the right things.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, no doubt. Yeah, we just saw that in your set. Yeah.

[Chin Way]

Yeah.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

What do you do for a living? Chin Wei?

[Chin Way]

Right now I'm laying epoxy garage floors.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

How did you get good at that?

[Chin Way]

I had a bar. I had a bar guest that was a regular and he was like, you want a fucking lay garage floor? You know, why not, right? You know, a cool guy.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay.

[Chin Way]

Went from working with hot chicks to working on laying hot floors, you know?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay. And you don't see any hot chicks anymore?

[Chin Way]

Oh, no, I see just all Mexicans.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You don't like Mexicans?

[Chin Way]

No, no, no, no. I mean, I like their food.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay. He likes your food.

[Chin Way]

Fucking around. No, none of that. None of that.

[Adam Ray]

How old are you?

[Chin Way]

How old do you think I look?

[Adam Ray]

Fun game. Let's do this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Chin Way]

I am Asian.

[Adam Ray]

Say it again.

[Chin Way]

I am Asian. So it's wide range.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Well, since you want us to guess your age, I'm guessing you're a 23 year old female.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm guess 26.

[Chin Way]

26.

[Martin Phillips]

Oof.

[Adam Ray]

I kind of want to prices, right? $1, everybody and say like 45, but.

[Chin Way]

Oh, but I think you're 26 wins. 28.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Yay, baby.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Wow. You just named all the lucky numbers.

[Chin Way]

Tiger style.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Incredible. Tiger style.

[Chin Way]

Wu Tang. Oh, you're the tiger.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Wow.

[Chin Way]

All right, man. Whatever.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Your Spotify is wild.

[Adam Ray]

When was the last time you were on stage?

[Chin Way]

I was on kill 22 years ago in August.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

How did that go? Tell us about your last.

[Chin Way]

That one. Great. So I ended up kissing a cougar.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Ah, Tiger style. Well played.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well played. Me a little tiger. You got a little tiger. Very good. That's a leopard, but we'll take it.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Tigers.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

One Lower.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

There.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that sounds like it. That sounds like something that would make out with this guy.

[Chin Way]

Thanks.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Yes, absolutely. What is your love life like? Chinway. I can just picture you eating for days.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, you look like a guy that you would have.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You'd have to.

[Chin Way]

All I do is bang, you know,

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Tell us about it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us about it.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Chinway. What is your.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's your.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

What's your big pickup line? When you want to. When you like a girl, what do you. What do you say to her? You seem like the kind of guy that literally gets all the pussy.

[Chin Way]

Which way? Chinway.

[Adam Ray]

No way.

[Chin Way]

No way.

[Big Ed]

You.

[Adam Ray]

You really do that?

[Chin Way]

No, it never works.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, yeah, yeah. For pickup lines, I think he was referring to. Do you have, like, how do you

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

break the ice or break the rice in your case.

[Chin Way]

Damn.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Let me ask you this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let me make it easier on you.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Chinway. When's the last time you were with.

[Chin Way]

With a woman to find a width?

[Adam Ray]

That's a weird answer.

[Andre Belton]

Yeah,

[Chin Way]

a couple months ago, but I think it was a drunken mistake. But, you know, whatever. I'll be that mistake.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay, so you were drunk.

[Chin Way]

Yeah, right? Everyone was drunk.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Everyone was drunk. And take us through it. What happened?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was this a bigger girl?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Is that why you're saying a drunken mistake?

[Chin Way]

Oh, no, no. I think I was her drunken mistake.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah, that makes sense.

[Chin Way]

Yeah.

[Orhun Timor]

Yeah.

[Chin Way]

You know, so. Yeah, unfortunately.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Unfortunately. So take us through it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, you.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You guys were drinking, you're having fun,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

and then you go back to your place.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You take her to. You go to her place, then we

[Chin Way]

got drunk, we took a waymo. We made out, and then where'd you

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

take the waymo to?

[Chin Way]

Back to her place.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Her place. Now, is there a reason why you didn't want to go back to your place?

[Audience Member]

No. No.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You have, like, a race car bed.

[Chin Way]

What's up?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you have a race car bed?

[Chin Way]

I wish, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Probably crashed with damage. Heavy, heavy bumper damage. Oh, I wreck it. Even my bed. How do I wreck on my bed? We are such a bad driver. I wreck on my bed. All right, all right. We're having too much fun here with you. I've been holding back my Asian impression. I was able to last seven and a half minutes. It's a new. It's a. I'm a new man.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

All right, see, you go back to her place. And what did you. What do you remember about her place? Do you remember anything weird? Did she have, like, perhaps like, one of those things hanging up in her living room that zaps bugs?

[Chin Way]

No, that's a sad thing. It was all great, you know?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

And then it was what?

[Chin Way]

It was all great. That's a sad thing. It was all great.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

It was all great.

[Chin Way]

Everything was all great.

[Audience Member]

Great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was all great. Okay, His Asian accent really sneaks up out of nowhere. He speaks really good English. And then all of a sudden, it was hungry. I thought my Asian accent was offensive. And then yours, my friend, a whole new level. It was all a gravy. It was a great day. It was gravy.

[Chin Way]

See?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so it was all great.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Her place was great. The sex was great.

[Chin Way]

She was great. We didn't get there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You didn't get there. Where did you get.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Did you make out with her?

[Chin Way]

Yes.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay, take us through that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long do you think you made out for?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Where do you think it went wrong? Did you, like, do anything weird? Did you do something with your hands or is. I like to talk, as I call them, with Asian men. Your hands. We have a famous Asian comedian named Hans here.

[Chin Way]

I like to think I didn't pull a Hans.

[Big Ed]

Okay.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

No, go ahead. What did you do? Yeah, what's your move?

[Adam Ray]

Like you guys made out?

[Chin Way]

Yeah, every red light. But to be fair, she might have been way drunk.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Are you sure it was a red light?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Because, you guys, I gotta tell you, when you're behind the wheel, red light, green light.

[Chin Way]

I can't even deny that, you know,

[Audience Member]

I thought it was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a waymo. Why did you wait for the red light? That is a great point. Red band, you know, once every 45 episodes or so, red band will just be an absolute genius for just a moment. Sometimes you really crack a case. Why would you wait? It might be disrespectful.

[Chin Way]

So about that movie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, a red.

[Martin Phillips]

Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perfect time for a key, I think.

[Adam Ray]

I think what Tony's getting at is like, what's your. What's the move? Because, you know, making out a fic is a. That's a great, you know, way to initiate whatever. You know, that maybe things are going to continue down. Down a fun path. So what. How do you take things up a notch once you feel like we can only make out for, you know, so much longer?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Can you make the question a little bit longer?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I got it, I got it.

[Chin Way]

I got it. I understood.

[Adam Ray]

Like, what's like, you know, like, Martin does banana stuff. Like, what's your granted. What's your thing?

[Chin Way]

Granted, nothing really works all the time, but out of what works the most. Yeah. I feel like usually if you give a girl ahead, that's a Pretty green light to go home.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

It's a green light.

[Chin Way]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

I didn't totally follow that.

[Michael Dragon]

So you.

[Fang Chow]

Okay.

[Adam Ray]

So you say, you know. So you make out to the point to where you're like, it's time. Beat your. And then I'm gonna get back in that waymo that I kept running outside because I knew this was gonna be quick.

[Chin Way]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Great.

[Fang Chow]

Yeah.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Have you ever.

[Adam Ray]

No further questions, your honor.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you ever asked a girl.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Have you ever just been straight up with a girl and gone, can I eat your.

[Fang Chow]

Yeah.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I wasn't expecting that answer. It was a setup to a joke I was gonna do, but I. I'm surprised.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

It never works.

[Chin Way]

No.

[Audience Member]

Wow.

[Alexis Alizari]

Yeah.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Have you ever asked a girl, can I eat your.

[Audience Member]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A woman just said no.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

That is incredible.

[Chin Way]

Exhibit.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

That is incredible.

[Adam Ray]

I don't think I would ever refer to a potential mate as exhibit A. Yeah, yeah,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

yeah.

[Adam Ray]

So now. So you've been doing comedy for five years? Off and on.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Mostly off.

[Chin Way]

I've been a little distracted with, like, script writing. I'm kind of trying to transition.

[Adam Ray]

But who would you. Who do you see. I know you said Red man and myself, but who do you. Yeah, okay.

[Chin Way]

So I couldn't hear you over all the disrespect.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There is disrespect. I heard a specific laugh out there. There was a specific. There was. There's a guy that was cackling at your transition to script writing. He literally went. It was amazing.

[Chin Way]

One more time, please.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I don't know. What was that question?

[Adam Ray]

I was going to say, you know, you mentioned Redman and I. But who is like your dream cast in this movie?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

By the way, thanks a lot. What the.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You have everybody. Well, I wrote a movie for the band, Adam.

[Fang Chow]

I don't know if you feel it,

[Chin Way]

Tony, but we would love to have you, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, we would? You would love to have me?

[Andre Belton]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you. I think I'm a little busy now.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

It's great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I spent way too much time with you. The time has just flown by with you. Chinway. You are a fun person to interview.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

What size joke book did you get two years ago?

[Chin Way]

I got a small one.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Well, guess what, my friend. This time you're getting an extra large

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

T shirt from Martin Phillips. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. For the first time in the show's history. History. The first person to ever win a triple xl T shirt. Oh, my goodness. Absolute history being made here tonight. What's going on? Why do you still have the microphone in your hand?

[Chin Way]

One more thing, brother.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You Want to say one more thing?

[Chin Way]

One more thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What is it?

[Chin Way]

I just want to give a shout out to the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This ain't the shout out show.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Put it in. Chinway.

[Andre Belton]

Put the.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Put the mic back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, what's the shout out? Now? I feel bad. Go ahead.

[Chin Way]

His name is Zorba Gation. He wrote the movie with me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. Chinway. Get the out of here. There he goes. Chinway, everybody. Luckily, his accent went crazy with. During that shout out.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I would like to give a shout

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

out to Zubin relation.

[Adam Ray]

I'd also love this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Ladies and gentlemen, there she is. The first lady of Kill, Tony. The lovely Heidi, everybody.

[Adam Ray]

I'd also like to shout out my seventh grade great PE teacher, Mr. Tangan. You were the first one to believe in me. I think you're dead. But it. I'll check it out on Facebook later to confirm.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Shout out to all the gym teachers. Augie d', Amato. Shout out to you. Rick Resatar. Rick Rear.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Yeah, it's a real guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Those were my gym teachers growing up. Fill me up, Phillips. I know you molested everyone except me, but that's all right, Mr. Mr. Rasatar. I never forget that name. Rasitar.

[Adam Ray]

Way to take a wildly sincere moment and just make it super creepy. Red bed. But I'm sorry that that happened to you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It didn't happen to me.

[Martin Phillips]

That's why.

[Adam Ray]

Well, that's what the person would say who it happened to the most.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Picture this. A neighbor waters your plants during a long trip. Or a doctor takes the time to personally call you with test results. It may not seem like much, but to me, when someone goes that extra step, it leaves a lasting, positive impression. You know who does that with me? Redban.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When hiring, top candidates can do the exact same thing to stand out from the crowd. On ZipRecruiter, job seekers have the ability to share in their own words why they are genuinely interested in a role.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Oh, wait. And ZipRecruiter has a new feature that shows you the most interested qualified candidates first so you meet the right people faster. Combined with powerful matching technology that binds top talent quickly, it's no wonder ZipRecruiter is the number one rated hiring site based on G2. Try ZipRecruiter and meet great candidates who'll go the extra step for your job. Did you know that four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a qualified candidate within the first day? Try it for free today at ZipRecruiter.com Kill Tony. That's ZipRecruiter.com KillTony ZipRecruiter. Meet your match on

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

ZipRecruiter. On the under $3 menu at McDonald's, a McChicken is $2. Because when you're craving a McChicken, you deserve a McChicken. And now that McChicken is just $2, limited time only, prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher for delivery. Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket poll. I know what this audience is feeling. I know that was an Asian comedian we just had up there. What if I were to tell you you're about to get another Asian comedian your next bucket pole. We know him. He's a Comedy store guy. I believe now he lives in Austin, Texas. Make some noise for our pal Fang Chow, everybody. It's the return of Fang Chow with a brand new minute here on Kill Cody.

[Fang Chow]

I moved to America from China 10 years ago. Now that I'm a real American, I love bacon cheeseburgers. Ford F150 and reporting Chinese immigrants to ICE. What I also love about America is I go use public bathroom. Here I don't have to squat down, shit in a hole next to five naked Chinese dudes. What a country. There's a product here for sale on Amazon. It's called Squatty Potty. It's a little stool you put under your toilet. It lifts up your legs, make you squat while you sit on the toilet. For $29.95, you can feel like you're shitting in a Chinese prison.

[Announcer]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Bang Chow. Like if someone injected chin way with testosterone and jokes. I love it. Welcome. Truly representing the Asian community. Very good job. This is not a man that took a four and a half year break

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

out of his five year career. Fang Chao has been going hard for how long now?

[Fang Chow]

12 years.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

12 years? You were at the Comedy Store 12 years ago. AM I correct or was that you? Started in China?

[Fang Chow]

Yeah. Starting in China, Yeah. Born there? Yeah. At the store. 12 years.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Yeah. Amazing. And you live in Austin now, right?

[Fang Chow]

Yes, sir.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

For how long now?

[Fang Chow]

Two and a half years.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Two and a half years. That's what I would have guessed. Absolutely perfect. Love the material. Great stuff. How's life been, Fang Chow?

[Fang Chow]

Good. Very good.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Tell us more. Give us.

[Fang Chow]

Very good.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Break it down for us.

[Fang Chow]

Valiant Love got a hot girlfriend.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long has that been going on?

[Fang Chow]

Two years.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Two years?

[Fang Chow]

Yeah. I get to come near her every single day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my goodness.

[Fang Chow]

That's why I'm American.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Fang Chow]

I jiggled in your women's.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Oh, my God. Look at you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's an American girl.

[Fang Chow]

Yes.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

So it's a.

[Adam Ray]

What. What's her name? Exhibit A. It's a callback to the other. All right, we're gonna cut this out.

[Fang Chow]

It's Combo B. I wasn't.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, what's her name?

[Fang Chow]

Combo B.

[Adam Ray]

Like, her name's Combo B.

[Fang Chow]

No, Combo B. I was trying to be funny. Caroline.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, nice, nice. What'd you guys meet?

[Fang Chow]

Where do we meet? Yeah.

[Martin Phillips]

App.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, I love that you just say the word app.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

That's amazing.

[Fang Chow]

Good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It almost seems kind of suspicious. Almost seems like, what was it, Uber Eats or something?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

What's going on here? That's incredible. Yeah, so it's a big dating app.

[Fang Chow]

Bumbo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Bumbo. Yeah, we love Bambaro.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I love it. So that first date, what'd you guys do?

[Fang Chow]

We went to eat pie.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Oh, nice.

[Fang Chow]

We went to eat pie. Tiny pies. Anyone know tiny pies in town?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Tiny pie. That sounds like another Asian bucket pool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I might pull a drink together for Tiny Pie. Ladies and gentlemen, Tiny Pie.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Me have so many jokes.

[Fang Chow]

Yeah, it was good. We had pie.

[Alexis Alizari]

And,

[Fang Chow]

yeah, I asked her out again. She's like, yeah.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Do you remember what kind of pie you had that magical night?

[Adam Ray]

Great question.

[Fang Chow]

Meat. Key lime pie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, good pick. We love Key lime pie here. That is Red Band's pie of choice.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

What's your favorite pie, Adam Ray? The world wants to know. We've had you on so many episodes, I've never gotten a chance to ask you about your life of pie.

[Adam Ray]

Probably classic pumpkin, you know?

[Fang Chow]

Okay, classic.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, Maybe apple if I'm getting crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sure you have rhubarb. Oh, rhubarb.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Northern Ohio delicacy.

[Adam Ray]

You really were molested. Rhubarb. Who says rhubarb?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That was one of our gym teachers. Rude Barb was her name. She was a lesbo. We called her Rude Barb.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Do you remember your gym teacher's name here in the great country of the United States of America? Or did you spend most of your schooling in China?

[Fang Chow]

In China.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay, how old were you when you moved to America?

[Fang Chow]

25.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay, what was the biggest culture shock when you moved to America? What was the thing that really blew your mind the most, other than the lack of leaky laboratories that you had in China, releasing global disease?

[Fang Chow]

Lack of squatty potties.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You love basketball, I bet. I bet basketball is it.

[Fang Chow]

I do love basketball. What is the biggest thing, Etika? There's too many choices here in America. You go to, like, a big supermarket. You go to, like, a supermarket, you get, like, 50 kinds of cereal. You're like, oh, yeah, that's why I moved here.

[Alexis Alizari]

Yeah.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Cereal is out of control. What's your cereal? A choice, Adam.

[Adam Ray]

When I was a kid, it was Cookie Crisp. But that's also why I had tits as a fifth grader.

[Alexis Alizari]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

I mean, a bowl of chocolate chip cookies for breakfast. Hey, mom, can I borrow your bra?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The only cereal with criminals on the box. Oh, yeah, they had White Robbers.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Very rare to find in public. Easy to find on a cereal box.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. Frosted Flakes, I loved a lot. You know, one of my first jokes and just remember this that I did at an open mic. I would, you know. So poor when I was starting out, and I had Frosted Flakes cereal a lot for dinner. And I remember having Frosted Flakes for dinner one day, and I was saying this on stage, and I go, I was having Frosted Flakes for dinner tonight. Super poor. Whatever. And instead of, you know, the slogan is there, Great. But I was. As I was eating it in my head, all I heard was, I'm sad.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Right.

[Adam Ray]

And it got. It actually got way more laughs here than it did then.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But, yeah, no, yeah. I had Frosted Flakes for dinner many a times.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

And I gotta tell you, that is the still wood. You've heard of Wheaties? Is the breakfast of champions.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Frosted Flakes is the dinner of single moms.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's what that is. You had a single mom, then you had Frosted.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

But raised by a single mom out there tonight, dude.

[Adam Ray]

Keep it going for single moms.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very sad people. They all raise their hands instead of clapping.

[Audience Member]

What's your.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you have cereal? What's your cereal?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I very rarely eat cereal, but when I do, believe it or not, I

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

am an oatmeal guy.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I. Some people say that I eat like a horse.

[Adam Ray]

You sure you're not a Fruity Pebbles guy?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. I'll put it in your Cocoa Crisp. You keep talking naughty like that, I'm gonna put a condom on my banana.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You know what I'm saying? Fung chow. What's your favorite thing about Austin, Texas, before we get you out of here? Because I've watched you go right from Los Angeles. We were in LA together. You were working at the Comedy Store. I remember it all so clearly. And. And now you're here. You're a real Texan. And I'd imagine for a sweet little Chinese boy like you, it's a little bit different.

[Fang Chow]

I am sweet.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Yes. You are sweet and sour.

[Adam Ray]

Sometimes extremely sour.

[Fang Chow]

I love Bucky's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ah, good answer.

[Adam Ray]

Can't get enough.

[Fang Chow]

Yeah. Super gas station.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Yeah.

[Fang Chow]

America.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Well, guess what, my friend, it's funny you say that because the great bonsai who makes all the joke books and they're available for [e-mail] just so happen to make a custom Bucky's big joke book kill Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And guess what, my friend, you're getting it. The Great Fun Chow, ladies and gentlemen. Follow him on social media. That's FC8080, right? Yeah, the Great Fun Chow. Known him for over a decade. Time flies in this crazy industry. I'll tell you this looks like a new name to me.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Everybody.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Different handwriting. There's some quotations here. There's a lot going on here. Make some noise. Is this Big? Big?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I believe it is. It's either Billy or Big.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're gonna say big Ed. 90 day, here he is. Big Ed, everybody. We know this.

[Big Ed]

Well, Tony fucked up my name, so a lot of. I'm Big Ed, obviously. So a lot of people call me Big Ed, but they don't know why they call me Big Ed. Anyway, so I love Austin. Fantastic crowd. I mean, you guys are fantastic. But I was at three Studio. No, three Studio, working out today. I had my nose and somebody's yoga. But you guys are so healthy. You guys are so healthy. And I'm on a journey, a healthy journey. But I was reading in Men's Health magazine that the best way to get in the shape is to have sexual intercourse.

[Alexis Alizari]

Oh, shit.

[Big Ed]

I just told everybody I'm not having sex. Anyways, so how you doing? Is. Is he gay or. No. Oh, got it. Okay, good. He's. He goes both ways. Anyways. Four corners. Anyway, so. So I'm obviously heterosexual, but if I were gayser, my deep throat would be. It would be epic.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Big Ed.

[Audience Member]

All right.

[Big Ed]

Thank you very much. Thank you very much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Big Ed.

[Big Ed]

Cheer me up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome, Big Ed.

[Big Ed]

I'm such a huge fan of you. Dude, you have no idea.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I've seen you on something, I don't know what. I know you from something.

[Big Ed]

I was showering with rats or. Or giving girls toothpaste or having her shaver.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You are the world's largest shrimp.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I've never seen anything quite like it. You remind me of one of those dogs with like a bad spine or something. Like they're like the raccoon and

[Adam Ray]

Jimothy.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I don't know exactly. You said you were talking about getting in shape.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know what shape that is. It appears to be an octagon or something like that.

[Adam Ray]

That is tonight's Doritos joke of the night.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Something else.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

This is absolutely incredible. I.

[Big Ed]

Where's car at? Where did he go?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who?

[Big Ed]

The guy, the English dude. He's really funny.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

With Jimmy Carr. That was two weeks.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, Jimmy Carr.

[Big Ed]

He left.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That was two weeks ago.

[Big Ed]

No, it wasn't.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Were you. What?

[Big Ed]

I thought he was tonight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no, I was recorded two weeks ago. Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Right now is. Right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is Jimmy Carr right here.

[Big Ed]

Oh, this is.

[Alexis Alizari]

Okay.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Yeah, this is him. This is what he looks like in real life, guys.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, I'll be Jimmy Carr. Where is your Nick?

[Big Ed]

Wait, What?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, wait.

[Michael Dragon]

What?

[Adam Ray]

What I said. I said up. You know, just watch the YouTube episode.

[Big Ed]

Seriously, he wasn't here tonight. Am I on drug?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

No, you're doing okay, Big Ed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Less questions from you.

[Big Ed]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

More answers coming up. Here we go, Big Ed.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

So let's talk about it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm guessing by.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I put.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm putting it together in my head here. I'm guessing by your name that I know you from the show 90 Day Fiance.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Am I correct?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Now, I've seen clips of this.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I don't really get to sit down and watch TV that often. Take us through. What. What have I missed? What are you known for on that show? For the. For people like me that might not know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You got a half a standing ovation from the crowd. Very rare for a bucket pool, I have to tell you. Especially a bucket pool shaped like the actual bucket. It is incredible. It is absolutely amazing.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Your head is small. So it actually is. If we took the undertaker and put

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

him there, like, this is what you look like. And your legs. Your legs are very tiny. So hold on, let me finish this science fair project I'm doing. Your legs are very tiny. So it looks like that's. This is what you look like.

[Big Ed]

That's. That's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's you.

[Big Ed]

That's going to be my new head shot, I think. Okay, so short story long, I met a girl on Facebook. Never heard of the show. I bought a ticket. I went to the Philippines. I showered with rats. True story.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm Big Ed. Look at me. I'm Big at. Hey, you said my name wrong.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Tony, I'm a big fan of the show.

[Adam Ray]

Talk to me. He's having playtime. Yeah.

[Big Ed]

And she had really bad breath and hairy legs. And I had her ask her to shave her legs and brush her teeth, and I got in a lot of trouble. And then I came back to the States and I got shot at in Mexico, and then I.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You got what in Mexico?

[Big Ed]

I went to Mexico with a. I'm bad at relationships. Like, you have no idea.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I bet I could guess.

[Big Ed]

Okay, there you go. So. Yeah, so I suck at relationships. So my last fiance, we broke up like 16 times. And. Yeah.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Which means you got back together 15 times.

[Big Ed]

Yes.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

What's your trick of getting back together with somebody, Big Ed?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, I see.

[Announcer]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Big Ed]

I'm serious. I'm pretty good. Anyway, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you're.

[Big Ed]

So I suck at relationships.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's built like a snowman. Whose carrots in the wrong place.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You know what I'm saying?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When a. When a naughty little kid gets a carrot.

[Big Ed]

And I like. And I like carrots. My mom makes really good carrots, by the way.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It doesn't look like you eat a ton of carrots. Big Ed, I gotta be honest with you.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay, that's probably.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How does your mom make carrots? Red man. With another great question. This guy's really spotting the two for two. The loopholes here tonight with the king of the poop holes is spotting the

[Big Ed]

loopholes with onions and bell peppers. It's really good.

[Chin Way]

Okay. All right.

[Big Ed]

That's Norma, by the way. She's taking care of my dogs in Arkansas.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

How many dogs do you have?

[Audience Member]

Three.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay. And are they all English bulldogs like you?

[Big Ed]

That hurt. No, they're.

[Martin Phillips]

That really.

[Alexis Alizari]

They're.

[Big Ed]

They're Maltese. And a maltipoo.

[Adam Ray]

I love it.

[Chin Way]

I love it.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Hell, yeah. I love dogs. So, Big Ed, let me ask you this. You're in the reality show business, right? What other. How do you make money other than that?

[Big Ed]

So I have a Big Ed malbec that's in 500 Walmarts right now.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

It's a what, Big Ed? What?

[Big Ed]

It's a Malbec from Argentina.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Oh, you make wine.

[Big Ed]

Yes, sir.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

That's incredible.

[Big Ed]

So Argentina imported. And then I also.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You're shaped like the barrel that they're

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

made in, by the way, so that's incredible.

[Big Ed]

This hurts.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, you're doing good.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Don't poop on this stage.

[Big Ed]

I won't. I promise. And then I'm also in real estate. I do flippers with my. My best friend, David Wheeler.

[Adam Ray]

I don't think you can say that anymore, but, yeah.

[Big Ed]

Okay. I can't do that. No.

[Adam Ray]

Sorry. Stupid job.

[Big Ed]

I do real estate. And then. And. And I'm on cameo. I'm number one in the world in cameo.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Wow, that's incredible.

[Adam Ray]

Are you really.

[Big Ed]

I'm serious. What's your rate and over 25, 000 videos.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Wow.

[Big Ed]

I'm not the most expensive, though, but pretty funny.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I love it.

[Adam Ray]

I love it.

[Big Ed]

I put a chicken hat on and I skid around my living room on my scooter.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay.

[Big Ed]

I'm not kidding. And my mom's sitting in her. In my recliner with my dogs. She doesn't even pay attention.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I love it.

[Big Ed]

That's to La Bamba. I'm not. I'm not making this up.

[Adam Ray]

No one's doubting anything.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're saying everything.

[Adam Ray]

You're saying everything that you've said so far. No one's like, whoa, how many times?

[Audience Member]

No way.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your mom's just sitting there through all of this.

[Adam Ray]

Her name's Norma.

[Maya Shimizu]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

You mean.

[Big Ed]

You guys. I've not worked in seven years. I'm not kidding. I've not had a job in seven years. I do, Cammy. That's all they do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where's your Adam's apple at?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

That is a good question.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right. The apple is with the carrots.

[Adam Ray]

The Apple with the Carrots. It's a children's book you could write.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Big Ed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, hey.

[Big Ed]

I don't like you.

[Announcer]

I'm just.

[Big Ed]

Just kidding.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. He said he was kidding. Whoa, whoa. He's kidding, man.

[Adam Ray]

And if you go by the rules of comedy.

[Big Ed]

I'm only kidding.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's kidding.

[Adam Ray]

Wait, Big Ed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's flirting with a girl that is literally with a cartel member right now. Big Ed, take it easy. Take it easy. You're going to be.

[Big Ed]

She's really hot, by the way, but. Okay. Sorry. Pardon me.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay, you're good.

[Audience Member]

Big.

[Adam Ray]

Let's not forget, he ended his set by going like, are you gay? And he was like, all right. Well, if you were, I would.

[Big Ed]

Yeah, but that was just part of my bit.

[Announcer]

I know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, you're good. We know.

[Big Ed]

I wrote it down. My buddy Darren Garrett wrote it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I feel like there's, like. Because, again, I don't.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I haven't watched your work. Right. I haven't seen it, but I know for a fact there's, like, a viral clip. I can't remember what it is.

[Big Ed]

Like, the View. You're my best View.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

What? You're on the View. The show.

[Big Ed]

No. So what happened was the show came out and Covid didn't work out for a lot of people, but for me, it made me viral because there's nothing on tv, right? And the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's, like, a big moment.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Something.

[Big Ed]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Super viral.

[Big Ed]

So Rose and I. I like the View was the number one training meme in the world through Covid.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So that's how I became I like the View.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Do you know what he's talking about?

[Big Ed]

I like the view. You're my best view.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah. You're my best you.

[Big Ed]

But.

[Chin Way]

Yeah.

[Big Ed]

You know what I mean?

[Adam Ray]

Yes. And what was the face you made in the meme?

[Big Ed]

I. Because I can't turn my neck, I kind of. Then that's why they made fun of me. Because, yeah. I go. She goes. She goes, I like the view. And I had to turn my whole body and. And I go, you're my best view. And then.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then she goes, ah, that might be.

[Big Ed]

Both became famous. I'm serious.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

You were mega famous for a bit, right?

[Big Ed]

Yes, sir.

[Adam Ray]

Like, how did that feel?

[Big Ed]

Well, it was kind of crazy at first because I would go to the dentist and like elderly women would come up to me. I'd be sitting in the office, they just start whacking me with a magazine

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

and I'm like, what, did they think

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you were a bug or something?

[Big Ed]

No, no, no. Like, behave like you've. They haven't seen anything. She's just wh me.

[Maya Shimizu]

And then.

[Big Ed]

But I'm sure I'm not making that up. But my best compliment that I've ever got in my entire life was my.

[Adam Ray]

Talk to me, talk to me, talk to me.

[Big Ed]

So I'm in.

[Adam Ray]

We're good in Newport Beach. Stop pointing at people. Look at me.

[Big Ed]

I'm in north. I'm in Northport beach and this seven year old kid skates around. Or eight. I don't know.

[Adam Ray]

Doesn't matter. Just keep going. Yeah. He could be 55 years old.

[Big Ed]

He skates around the corner. Yes. He's all sweaty and he looks at me like this. He goes, are you the TikTok guy? And I go, yes, I am. And he goes, you're a legend. And then he skates off.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Big Ed]

And that's it. That's it. That's the end of this. That's the best compliment I've ever gotten.

[Adam Ray]

Wow. For more fun stories like this, get a cameo from big ed. They're $900. How much are your cameos?

[Big Ed]

You guys are really awesome. $69. But do you get it? Six.

[Martin Phillips]

Awesome.

[Big Ed]

60. Knot 16.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, big head, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

[Big Ed]

I'm sorry.

[Announcer]

Okay.

[Big Ed]

I know, right? Sorry.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Yeah. I mean, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Can I. If I give you my phone and like, I don't know, Venmo you or something, could you make a cameo for. For, for my mom? It's her birthday in a couple weeks.

[Big Ed]

Let's do it right now, for real.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in Kill Tony history, you are inside. I'm in to give you the algorithm right now. For you are watching a live cameo on a podcast that's a live show.

[Adam Ray]

Her name is Carolyn. All right, here we go.

[Big Ed]

Hey, Carolyn, Big hit here, obviously. Listen, you're my best view. I love you. I'm here with your son. He's a little weird, but I'm hanging out with Kill Tony, and there's a girl in the front row that's driving me crazy. I'm gonna. I'll probably die tonight. But anyways, I love you. You're my best View. And happy birthday.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Happy birthday.

[Big Ed]

I love you.

[Adam Ray]

You can wish her happy, happy January 6th or whatever. Yeah, do the Deep Throat. Do the Deep Throat, bitch. You'll like it.

[Big Ed]

What was that?

[Adam Ray]

What you ended your set with what?

[Big Ed]

Oh, no, I can't do that.

[Adam Ray]

Well, I'm.

[Big Ed]

All right, here we go. All right. How. What's her name?

[Adam Ray]

Carolyn.

[Big Ed]

All right, Carol. I'm not gay, but if I was, my Deep Throat would be okay. I go to. I'm gonna go to confession on Saturday so I can get communion on Sunday.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a cameo or a Netflix documentary. This is incredible.

[Adam Ray]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Big Ed, before I let you go, this is another long interview. I mean, I've let this get out of control. Sorry, I just spit something, but I have nowhere. Oh, that's crazy.

[Adam Ray]

Let me sell this on ebay. Big Head, little spit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Season two.

[Big Ed]

Those were buffalo wings down the street.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Test his DNA, see how much much comes back.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Wild animal. Big Ed.

[Martin Phillips]

Yes, sir.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Let me ask you this.

[Big Ed]

Yes, sir.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Because, like, you know, reality shows this. That. What is something that's crazy about your life, that you've never talked about publicly, that nobody knows about, or perhaps something that people don't know about 90 Day Fiance or your time there or anything. Give us, like a breaking. Give us an exclusive. Big Ed. Yeah, Breakthrough.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Breaking news just in.

[Big Ed]

Okay, here we go. So I used to work at a country. Come in Bella Vista. This is a true story. I used to bust tables and all these guys would come in with these beautiful women, and I'm like, one day, I'm gonna. I'm gonna stuff you in your face.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Wait, what? You're gonna what?

[Big Ed]

I mean, I'm gonna give him the business. Like, I'm gonna be more successful.

[Adam Ray]

What are you, a gangster from the 30s?

[Fang Chow]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Give me the business. When I get my Hands on you, it's gonna be a whipper snapper.

[Big Ed]

Hey, are you hungry?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Because I got a knuckle sandwich with your name. I'm like, yeah, right now I'm busting tables, but one day I'm gonna be bussing you.

[Big Ed]

I'm like, look, you banker, I'm gonna gut punch you one day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So which would be your move.

[Big Ed]

Yes, it would be my. Hey, so then I'm there with my crazy ex, like two years ago, before I moved back, and I'm in the same country club, and everybody obviously knows who I am.

[Fang Chow]

Yeah.

[Big Ed]

And I go. And I told her full circle. This is like, it's. It actually happened. So I never knew how I was going to be famous. I knew. I never knew the what, the who, what, where, when, and why. And here I am. I'm on your show. This is.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Well, you got pulled out of the bucket.

[Big Ed]

I know. Okay, well, I was in a bucket, but yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So it's not like you're on panel or anything.

[Adam Ray]

Big Ed, come on.

[Big Ed]

All right. I'm really. I didn't merely make it right. It's just.

[Adam Ray]

No, you. No, you're stuck around longer than probably most thought you made the most of it.

[Big Ed]

It. No, but seriously, I fell in love with you guys.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Hold on. So you're at the country club, You. You almost finished the story.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was that it?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You were. You. You were at. You were busing at the country club, then you ate at the country club.

[Big Ed]

So there was Liz. And I go, hey, can I take you to show you where I grew up? And then she's like, no, this is all about you. And then we got a big fight.

[Martin Phillips]

Ah.

[Big Ed]

And now we're divor. Now I kicked her out. I mean, well, I didn't kick her out, but I ask her to leave politely.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Have any of your relationships just ever ended easy breezy?

[Big Ed]

No. Well, I broke up with her 14 times via text.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

It's like Ric Flair, by the way, 16 time heavyweight champion.

[Big Ed]

So. Yeah, I'm not good at. I'm not good at love. I'm just kidding. No, I'm not. I'm just not. I'm not good at it.

[Adam Ray]

Do you want to be?

[Big Ed]

Yes, I do.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You like?

[Big Ed]

Hey, I met so many. We went to her gym. Her name is Ashley. She's really cute.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Let me ask you this. Where do you live now? Big Ed?

[Big Ed]

So I live in Arkansas.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay. How long have you been in Austin?

[Big Ed]

Four days.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Let me ask you this.

[Big Ed]

Yes, sir.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

In your four days here, have you kissed a girl in Austin, Texas? You haven't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why don't we turn up the red lights here? Let me tell you something. We have a special segment on this show that we do every once in a while. Is there a Kill Tony female fan out there that's willing to come up and give this guy a big kiss? This lady out here.

[Adam Ray]

Straight back lady, come on up here.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

There's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So this is something we love to do ever since the show started.

[Big Ed]

Don't everybody come up at once.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's already coming. You don't get to pick. You don't get to like be rapey about it.

[Announcer]

Very hard.

[Big Ed]

Hired somebody. They already hired somebody. I'm kidding.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I want this lady right here. I'm gonna stuff a face.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Jesus Christ.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Big Ed, here she comes. Oh, my God.

[Martin Phillips]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look how lucky you are. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You gotta face sideways that the cameras can see it.

[Big Ed]

So wait one second.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait. Big Ed, you're gonna ruin this.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

What is it?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're like 90 second fiance up here.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You just don't blow it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What are do you gonna to say right now?

[Big Ed]

With or without tongue?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A good question. Put the mic up to her mouth. I have a pretty long tongue, so

[Big Ed]

I don't know if you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that. That means the X. Okay, sweetheart, what. What's your name? My name is Brooklyn. Oh, Brooklyn. Brooklyn, meet Manhattan.

[Big Ed]

That hurt that a little bit. That might hurt a little bit.

[Adam Ray]

Unbelievable.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, wait, wait.

[Adam Ray]

Brooklyn, do you know who Big Ed is? Yes. So this is kind of a cool. This is, you know. Are you starstruck?

[Big Ed]

Have you bought a cameo for me yet?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Audience Member]

Hey.

[Alexis Alizari]

What?

[Adam Ray]

Shut the up, dude. You're about to get a free kiss.

[Andre Belton]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

You really know where you pitch your business ideas.

[Fang Chow]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Just be in the moment, dude. Trust yourself.

[Big Ed]

Abc always be closing.

[Adam Ray]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cy, X, W, V, U, T, S, O, Q, P, O, N, M, L, K, J, I, H, U. Yeah.

[Sponsor Voice]

B, C, B, A.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All I heard was uti. I don't know what she said there exactly.

[Adam Ray]

He said ABC and she said the entire Alphabet.

[Andre Belton]

Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She thinks she's at a DUI checkpoint right now. This is perfect.

[Big Ed]

So you're. I mean. Okay, what do we do?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ladies and gentlemen? All you have to do is have a good old makeout session.

[Adam Ray]

Wait, Ben needs some love music, right? Should we play somebody?

[Chin Way]

Whoa.

[Audience Member]

Damn.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Whoa. Don't fall.

[Sponsor Voice]

Don't fall.

[Audience Member]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Big Ed, Big Ed, grab that microphone. How do you feel right now?

[Big Ed]

That was better than being on the show.

[Adam Ray]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. No, it's amazing.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Oh, he just said you're hot. Let me ask you this. Brooklyn, grab that mic. How do you feel? How did Big Ed kiss? Was it good?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That was actually. I wasn't expecting that.

[Maya Shimizu]

He was good.

[Audience Member]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you taste his lungs? Red band is a lot fire tonight.

[Big Ed]

That's a red card right there. That's a red card.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness.

[Big Ed]

Anyways.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness.

[Adam Ray]

By the way, does the timeout signal

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

for a red car?

[Audience Member]

No.

[Big Ed]

You're awesome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness. And. And look at that. Her roots are like the carrots that your mom grows.

[Big Ed]

So. So, hold on. So do I get to go home with you?

[Adam Ray]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, you don't get the big head. No, Big Ed has. Big Ed is the king of blocking himself, ladies and gentlemen. Do I get to take it like it's a joke book? Do I get to take it home with me?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Christ, no, you don't get to. Unless she wants to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness. Look at the tits on this one.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

And also she has some, too.

[Big Ed]

Wednesday.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Brooklyn.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Brooklyn.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here's a big joke book. You get that. Congratulations. You are a legend. Oh, my goodness. Big Ed squeezing a little too tight. Whoa. Look at Big Ed checking out the goods on the way out. Like a real creepazoid.

[Adam Ray]

He's.

[Martin Phillips]

He's like. He looks like.

[Adam Ray]

Like one of the Wonka kids in Wonka was like, the factory is yours, Charlie.

[Big Ed]

Hey, can I shout out my tattoo artist sky from San Diego?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

What the.

[Adam Ray]

Only if he also wrote Allah.

[Alexis Alizari]

Hahaha.

[Adam Ray]

Huh?

[Big Ed]

Get on my.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Wow.

[Adam Ray]

What the is going on right now?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Ray]

How many birds do you have? Wait, are these all falcons? What are they?

[Big Ed]

No, these are guardian angels, sir.

[Adam Ray]

Guardian angels.

[Audience Member]

Wow.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

And he's in San Diego.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I didn't realize South Florida had its own San Diego.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

That's incredible.

[Big Ed]

No, I go to San Diego just to get my tattoos.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Big Ed, you are, like, the longest interview in the show. Here's a big joke book, buddy. Unbelievable times. Incredible.

[Big Ed]

Love you guys. God bless you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We love you. One of the funniest penguins in the world, ladies and gentlemen. One more time for Big Ed. There he is, Big Ed. Put the mic in the mics. Grab. Grab the mic stand. Put it on the X. Put the microphone.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

There you go, Big Head. Clean up after yourself.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There he goes with his joke book. There goes Big Ed, ladies and gentlemen. Big Head. Get the out of here. I love you. Get out of here. Jesus Christ Almighty. All right, ladies and gentlemen, by the way, that's just crazy that that just happened, by the way.

[Adam Ray]

I mean, that was awesome. I. I have to be honest, I've never seen the show, but I know who he is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The place went crazy.

[Adam Ray]

Your bug joke is gonna get deserves a lot more than I got.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Which what did I.

[Adam Ray]

You just casually said, she said, you said old women smack me in the dentist office and you go what? Cuz they thought you were a bug. Only red man laugh.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

That is true.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I, I almost died of laughter at that for some reason.

[Adam Ray]

Jovial. A jovial guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean like he is bug esque.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Where's the zapper at? Here, grab that zapper.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Every once in a while during the

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

summer heat of of Texas we have a little fly issue and we like to kill flies live.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're the only major broadcasted show in which we kill flies live on the show. They are lingering around the Mexican couple.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Spoiler alert. It's a quick little fella.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think big Ed just turned into the fly, everybody. It was one second. He's Big Ed. He's like, I'm out of here.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Here we go. Oh, I think he got it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Pat O'Neal]

John Dees Stuart Fails to Save the Universe is about Stuart Bloom who ran the comic book shop on the Big Bang Theory and now has to restore reality after he accidentally causes a multiverse Armageddon on the Stewart Fails to Save the Universe podcast. Hear from the creators, cast and crew as they unpack each episode after it airs on HBO Max. Watch the Stewart Fails to save the Universe official podcast on HBO Max, YouTube or listen wherever you get your podcasts.

[Sponsor Voice]

Try Angel Soft for your tushy. It's made by Angels Soft and strong. Budget friendly. The choice is simple. Pick up a pack today.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Angel Soft.

[Sponsor Voice]

Soft and strong. Simple.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And now we move on to a golden ticket winner.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Ladies and gentlemen, this guy won his golden ticket about a year ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very, very funny man.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Make some noise for the long awaited return of Orhun Timor.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Everybody. Make some noise for Orhun, everyone.

[Orhun Timor]

Thank you guys. I met Biget back there. Man has a hickey, doesn't have a neck. I don't know how you guys achieve that. It's really good. Do you guys like immigrants? No. You don't Shut. I understand. Listen, I came to this country 15 years ago. I was very into it, like melting pot, different cultures. Then I got my citizenship. I was like, okay, it melted enough. I think how much gimmicks I struggled a lot. Like my first job. I remember I was very foreign and my first week my boss told me you need to watch the sexual harassment training. And I was like, I'm Eastern European I was taught by the best, sir. I don't know what else you can teach me on top of that. I don't know, A lot of things change, you know, like when I was growing up in Turkey, I really was like, you know how America attacks Middle East? I really minded that. But after a while, like, I moved here, the gas price keep going up. You're like, government, do your thing. You know, there's a regime change, and who gives a fuck is stand. Get in there. You know, you love being involved. I want to be a part of it. Libya. Libya. All right. Thank you for listening to me. Have a good night.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Or who. Timor. Doing just enough of homage to the

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

hit song New York, New York that it would not be flagged by the YouTube album.

[Orhun Timor]

That's exactly what my intention was.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

That is perfect. You're a brilliant genius. You're one of the smartest men from Turkey that I've ever met in my entire life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Orhun.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

How's life going?

[Alexis Alizari]

Point?

[Orhun Timor]

I mean, good in some ways, bad in some other ways.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Tell us about it. What do you mean by that?

[Orhun Timor]

I mean, I have two people I care about in prison. One of them is in prison in America. One of them is in prison in Turkey. There's stuff like that.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

How did they get put in prison, the American ones?

[Orhun Timor]

I can do it.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

It's okay. It's okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's Big head.

[Adam Ray]

What if that fly grabs the mic and goes, hey, my cameo is only $69.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, how do you like the View? I love the View.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

How do your friends keep getting put in prison?

[Orhun Timor]

Well, the American one sold meth, so the Turkish one had opinions, which is sometimes worse. He did comedy. He's a comedian guy.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Ah, the Turkish one is.

[Orhun Timor]

Yeah, yeah.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

And what exactly did he say in Turkey that got him put in prison? Prison.

[Orhun Timor]

You want me to say the exact thing?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Sure.

[Orhun Timor]

Fuck it. They don't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, you can say it here.

[Orhun Timor]

They don't understand English anyway.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You're not in Turkey.

[Orhun Timor]

Yeah, yeah. So he did, you know, criticize the government. Sprinkled some Islam jokes in there.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Which part do you think got him in trouble? Did he? Criticizing the government?

[Orhun Timor]

I think it was the part where he suggested the president's son. Well, reminded people that he killed someone with impunity. I think that did it.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Ah, wow. Yeah.

[Orhun Timor]

That's why I don't put subtitles under my clips. I'll be fine.

[Big Ed]

Yeah.

[Orhun Timor]

So if not, you know Trump though, right? That could come in, huh? No, I'm just joking.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Well, what. What was his sentence? How Long is. Do you think he's going to be

[Orhun Timor]

in jail for, I mean, five years. But usually if you apologize to the right people, maybe a year, six months.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Is he going to apologize?

[Orhun Timor]

I don't think so. Yeah, because then you can't do comedy anymore. Like you apologize.

[Big Ed]

You're doing right.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

He can't be scared.

[Orhun Timor]

Yeah.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

He can't be a chicken in Turkey.

[Orhun Timor]

Yeah,

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Very interesting.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What else goes on in Turkey that

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

we don't know about? I know we talked about how you

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

have to prove that you're gay if

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

you don't want to be in the military. Like you have to send in a video of you sucking someone off or getting butt.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Literally can't make it up.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

That's true. In Turkey you can get out of

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

being in the mandatory military if you

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

just suck some dick.

[Orhun Timor]

No, actually, not to be a stickler, but I don't know if you remember, but the blow jobs don't count.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Orhun Timor]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, and you can't be top.

[Orhun Timor]

Also, they're very.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Really? You have to have anal insertion in your own butt.

[Orhun Timor]

What they say? I don't know. Again, I, I, I wore, you know, I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't, I don't know.

[Orhun Timor]

I don't know.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I haven't read the website, but that is amazing.

[Adam Ray]

I like when you said I'll be fine, like that was. That sounded like something you maybe like tag at the end of your jokes. Do you have a catchphrase or some sort of like an overall, I guess?

[Fang Chow]

I.

[Orhun Timor]

People suggest you should say this a lot, but when they say it, I don't. Because, you know.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You don't have a catchphrase.

[Orhun Timor]

No.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your style of comedy is very dry. Is it because you're from Turkey?

[Fang Chow]

Oh,

[Adam Ray]

red band, red,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

red band, red band. Hello, Mr.

[Andre Belton]

Funny.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where's your sound effect? You've earned it, buddy.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

There it is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my God.

[Andre Belton]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's like a red pan section tonight, by the way over here. Just a bunch of morbidly obese comedy fans. It's incredible. Good to see you guys.

[Adam Ray]

Who loves food puns? Great joke, right?

[Orhun Timor]

By the way, I start dry. It takes me 10 minutes usual to get to the wet jokes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's another turkey joke. Hell yeah.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Wow, look at you guys just firing back and forth. My goodness. Okay, so Orhun Timor, what are you doing for work? You just do stand up comedy. Is there anything else? You seem like the kind of guy that doesn't mind painting sometimes painting a wall or something for somebody.

[Orhun Timor]

I paint T shirts.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You do?

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah.

[Orhun Timor]

Why? Do you want one?

[Adam Ray]

Do I have to answer now or. Yeah, that's the third time. That's the last time I'm going to say that. But you do have a painter vibe. Like, it's. I don't know if it's a ponytail on the stash. Like, it's like a. Like, you look like Bob Ross's son. You know who Bob Ross is? Yeah. You know, the guy was like, I'm

[Sponsor Voice]

gonna put a little tree.

[Adam Ray]

I'm gonna put a little black guy right here.

[Orhun Timor]

Yeah. My. My. My. My dad has never been that friendly. Like, calm.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, but you said your dad wasn't.

[Orhun Timor]

Yeah, yeah. He's well loving.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But tell us about your dad.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

We want to know. The tough Turkish dad?

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Orhun Timor]

I mean, he's an interesting guy because you can just swear at him for minutes and he'll laugh, but then you drop his pen randomly and he could get livid, lazy. You never know with him.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Does he have a special pen? I mean, pen people can be very serious. I actually. It's a weird thing that I've gotten into recently. I'm into pens. I use Sharpies on this show, but at home, I'm a pen guy.

[Big Ed]

Yeah.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Got a little collection. I've gotten into some weird shit now that I'm in my 40s.

[Orhun Timor]

The pens aren't special. It's his mind. His mind is special.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

It's just like a regular old Bic. Like a disposable pen.

[Orhun Timor]

Like a yellow. I don't know why we're talking about pen.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Well, if it's yellow, it's probably good.

[Orhun Timor]

Yeah.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Yeah, it's probably a good pen.

[Orhun Timor]

That's the rich pen color.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I mean, if it's a pen, as long as it's not a highlighter. If he's freaking out about a dropped highlighter, that's completely nuts. But if he has a yellow pen, it's probably a good pen.

[Chin Way]

Oh, wow.

[Orhun Timor]

Now I forgive him. Then.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What made you drop the pen?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Was it an accident or did you

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

do it on purpose?

[Orhun Timor]

I want him to be angry at me. Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How about Mom?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

What's mom like? What's it like having a Turkish mother?

[Orhun Timor]

It's like. It's hard to explain, but they love you a lot.

[Adam Ray]

Ah, that's pretty easy to explain.

[Alexis Alizari]

Yeah.

[Andre Belton]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

It was actually very easy to explain.

[Orhun Timor]

That's. I'm being joking. Like I'm saying, like, they're very sort of involved and they call you their pricks.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

All right, very good.

[Orhun Timor]

Oh, you know, you were in charge. You look like you're in charge or who.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You're good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Another very fun set.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Always hilarious.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Orhun Timor, ladies and gentlemen. We love you. Or who the man. We love him. There goes Orhun, everybody. Back to the bucket we go. We are going to meet another comedian. This looks like a new name. Make some noise for Michael Dragon, everybody. Michael Dragon.

[Alexis Alizari]

Hello.

[Michael Dragon]

Friend of mine, she's been complaining to me that, by the way, I'm nervous as. Sorry. Thanks, buddy. But yeah, so anyway, so break the tension. Cool. She's been complaining to me that all the guys that she's been with lately, all they ever want to do is her face. Which real quote. Also one hell of an intro. Thank you. I just started laughing. I was like, geez.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my God.

[Michael Dragon]

I would never do that to your face. I'd make love to it. Unlike those other guys. Before my balls smack your chin, I asked for permission. So fun fact. In the 1950s, so many people in America smoked. Don't know why that's funny, but I like it that in the 60s, when they found out smoking caused cancer, it was so shocking, President Kennedy's head exploded. Too soon, ma'.

[Sponsor Voice]

Am.

[Michael Dragon]

Too soon. My next joke's about Jesus. I hope that's not too soon. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Michael Dragon.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Am I saying that right, Dragon?

[Michael Dragon]

Yes.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

What happened that fall out of the bucket? All right, just make it the next one. Hello, Michael. How are you? How long you been doing stand up?

[Michael Dragon]

About nine years off and on.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I love it. Nine years off and on.

[Michael Dragon]

Yes, sir.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

And at one point you were the little boy from a sixth sense, am I correct?

[Michael Dragon]

Yes, I've unfortunately gained some weight, but yes, sir.

[Adam Ray]

You've all.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You're all grown up now. So. You said six years?

[Michael Dragon]

Nine years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nine years.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Nine years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where at?

[Michael Dragon]

Cleveland's near Youngstown.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

We know. We know where. We know where Cleveland is.

[Michael Dragon]

I'm trying to build a relation anyways.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Don't try to fuck my face, Michael.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Don't try to fuck my face.

[Andre Belton]

No, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

So you've been doing any. You still live in Cleveland?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no, no, no.

[Michael Dragon]

I've been in Austin for about six years now.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Six years?

[Michael Dragon]

Yes, sir.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Wow. Okay. What made you move here six years ago?

[Michael Dragon]

Friends. Lack of any. I'd broken up with a girlfriend at the time, so it's kind of sad. So it was just kind of. Kind of nice, moving on kind of thing. I appreciate it.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

A lot of people where. Where we come from never leave. And it's shocking and very bizarre. Very sad. Very sad. I don't really want to say that because My friends watch this, and right now they're in Youngstown going, oh, he's sad for you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Y. I am every day for you. You guys are sad. And yes, it's you exactly you that I'm talking about, Jimmy. Anyway, Frank.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay, so, Michael, here we are. And you've been doing it that long? You've lived in Austin for six years. How do you make a living?

[Michael Dragon]

I currently I work at a credit union as a. As in collections?

[Orhun Timor]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

That's got to be a busy job. There's. You have to be very busy. There's a couple people with unpaid bills

[Michael Dragon]

out there not paying your bills. What's the problem, by the way?

[Adam Ray]

I would definitely pay my bills if I heard on the other line. Hi, this is Michael Drake Dragon. Yeah, sorry, what did I do?

[Fang Chow]

Why were you skipping over.

[Adam Ray]

How did you get that name? Why are you not a porn star or a detective?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I got a lot of.

[Michael Dragon]

Do you drag these nuts across your face all the time? Wow.

[Adam Ray]

Funny.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Oh, my God.

[Michael Dragon]

I'm just glad my girlfriend doesn't say,

[Adam Ray]

how do you sp. It's so drag. D, R a G, O, N. Yes, sir. Yes.

[Alexis Alizari]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

How is that from a long line?

[Michael Dragon]

It's check. There's some.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah.

[Michael Dragon]

Short answer. Sakan.

[Orhun Timor]

Wow.

[Fang Chow]

Yeah.

[Alexis Alizari]

Wow.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Have you ever heard of Big ed from the 90 Day Fiance?

[Adam Ray]

I did, yes.

[Michael Dragon]

Yes, I. I'm familiar with him.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay. Wow. He was on here earlier.

[Announcer]

Okay.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

And I'm noticing that you guys kind of look alike.

[Michael Dragon]

Oh, I've been trying to lose weight, too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you know.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Do you know your dad?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay.

[Orhun Timor]

Oh, yeah.

[Michael Dragon]

He's also fat, so. Yeah.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

All right. Yeah, go right.

[Adam Ray]

Did you get starstruck when you saw Big Ed? Did you see him back there?

[Michael Dragon]

No, I was confused. I was like, who is this man?

[Chin Way]

Oh.

[Michael Dragon]

After someone explained it to me.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Oh, you saw him at, like, Shakespeare's, the bar next door?

[Announcer]

Yes, sir.

[Michael Dragon]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Got it.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

What's it like over there tonight? Give these people a description of. How would you describe the signup process? I don't ever ask this question.

[Michael Dragon]

I'm glad you wait in line. You have hopes and dreams. Most weeks, they get crushed.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

How many times have you signed up for the show if you had the guest?

[Michael Dragon]

Maybe a dozen times.

[Alexis Alizari]

Wow.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

This is your first time on.

[Michael Dragon]

No, sir. First time was at Antone's. First time I ever signed up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

That was a long time ago.

[Michael Dragon]

Yes, it was.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

How did that go for you? Who were the guests that night?

[Michael Dragon]

It was Jamar. Neighbors. My minute sucks. But you seem to appreciate the interview.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Nice. What did we find out in the interview that impressed me so much?

[Michael Dragon]

I said that I wouldn't cash a check for a black man. And that's exactly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here's a big joke book. No.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Why would you not cash a check

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

for a black man? Why?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

This is fantastic.

[Michael Dragon]

I mean, the serious answer is that it fell under everything of, like, this is a little funny as far as the check is concerned. And then so I turned it over to my boss, who's apparently highly racist because the check was completely legitimate.

[Chin Way]

Wow.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Incredible.

[Michael Dragon]

Yeah, she. She waterworks out of keeping her job for another year at least, so.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Wow. What made you think it was a fake check?

[Michael Dragon]

It just.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Other than the skin color of the man that presented it to you, I

[Michael Dragon]

mean, that is the first clue. No, no, no, no. It's just the.

[Orhun Timor]

The.

[Michael Dragon]

The. The design of the check didn't match anything else that we. The company had just switched designs.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

What did the black man's check have that. The design. Did it have, like, a chain around it?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Airbrush?

[Adam Ray]

Sarah, they're just trying to build a relationship.

[Michael Dragon]

No, it went from very plain design to very chaotic design is the short answer.

[Alexis Alizari]

Got it.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Yeah, got it. Michael, what's your love life like?

[Michael Dragon]

It was going shitty until very recently. I've. I'm. Yeah, I finally am dating someone. She's.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Where'd you find her?

[Maya Shimizu]

At

[Adam Ray]

Shrek's Castle.

[Michael Dragon]

Yeah, she's a comic, so I found her in the. You know, the street somewhere.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

But she's gonna love that.

[Adam Ray]

Jesus Christ.

[Michael Dragon]

She will. Once you see.

[Chin Way]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Michael Dragon]

If you ever meet her.

[Big Ed]

Yes.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay. So how long have you been dating this girl?

[Michael Dragon]

Officially, just like a month or two, but we've been talking. We've known each other for years.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Sure. But like, a month or whatever ago. What happened exactly? Take us through that first night where you're like, oh, this has gone down.

[Michael Dragon]

So I was looking at her onlyfans, and I decided that I'm very lonely. No, no, we just know each other through. Basically, I realized that she liked me.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

And how did you realize that?

[Michael Dragon]

Because she was God. Okay, short answer. She zoom. Called me, and she kept showing me her tits. And we were doing a writing session, and she's like, hey, you should give me a ride somewhere. I'm like, oh, I'm very oblivious to shit.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

And so you're like, I'm busy. Can't give you a ride anywhere.

[Michael Dragon]

And so I was asking him, like, why'd you show me your tips? She's like, well, men usually do Things for me. And I was like, oh, okay, that's cool. Like totally not getting it. And then I forget what happened, but it just clicked. And all of a sudden every image from the past two years, I'm like, oh, she's been hitting on me for fucking years.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Wow. And then what happened?

[Michael Dragon]

And then I started messaging her constantly.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

And then what happened?

[Michael Dragon]

And then eventually I wore her down and she said yes.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

And then what happened? Tell us about the first time when. When something physical started happening, you felt a little something in your belly.

[Michael Dragon]

Oh, yeah. That was mid January.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That was mid January. Here we are. Here we go. Ladies and gentlemen, the answer that we've been looking for. Mid January.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You guys are what? On your couch?

[Adam Ray]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

[Michael Dragon]

She had been in the. Really? She had just started dating a guy that lasted maybe a month. She was very depressed. I was talking with her and she kept saying like, oh, all these guys that hang out with me try to give me money and stuff like that. So I was just like, yeah, cool. I don't have an interest. I'm sorry, Tony.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

So the first time you guys did anything physical. Take us there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's what I've been asking you.

[Michael Dragon]

Still waiting for it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, see, you haven't.

[Michael Dragon]

I haven't had sex in eight years.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You haven't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here we go. Now, ladies and gentlemen, for those of you questioning my interview process, which I saw a lot of that out there. Oh, I saw your faces. You think you're watching me? I'm watching you. I'm watching a show.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

How about that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How's that for a twist after 13 years? I've been watching you the whole goddamn. And you at home too, Jimmy. All right, wait, wait.

[Adam Ray]

Haven't had sex in eight years, huh?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, Brooklyn.

[Adam Ray]

I'm joking. I'm joking, I'm joking.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you ever been with a two tone carrot brunette?

[Michael Dragon]

I feel like I'm about to.

[Adam Ray]

She's probably icing her tongue right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, Michael Dragon after big

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

interview. Christian boy, this interview, we're having a repeat. And it's been six years since you've been on this show. Yes, and we are having a repeat because the second that. Okay, good, right, good, sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But this interview just went to a

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

whole another level, cuz. Eight years with a chick showing you her tits. She supposedly has an only fans. You met her on the streets, we say, and somehow you haven't been able to make a maneuver yet. Can you explain how this is going on? What is going on, cuz? We're going to help you. Redban is our senior closer correspondent. He has a real knack at teaching men how to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, if he can do it.

[Michael Dragon]

All right, fine. How do you get over the fact that she's transgender?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Okay. The interview is getting better and better, ladies and gentlemen.

[Orhun Timor]

We'll be right back.

[Adam Ray]

We'll keep it right here. That kind of guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, let's take it all once, one step at a time here, Michael.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

So the transgender woman showed you her tits a few months ago, right? And then a month ago, you say that you guys are officially dating, right? Because. Did you say that? Did you ask her? Did you say, will you be my it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Will you be my it friend or whatever it is?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Will you be my them friend? My they friend? What is it exactly? What do you call that? That when it's transgender?

[Michael Dragon]

Honestly, we just kind of joke around about. She'll. She'll make a thing. I. I told her to kiss me in Russian. Just, like, flirty stuff.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

What is kiss me in Russian?

[Adam Ray]

Huh?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I wouldn't have guessed.

[Adam Ray]

Send us an email.

[Michael Dragon]

That's

[Audience Member]

me.

[Michael Dragon]

And then.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay, let's go back here, Michael. So you knew she was transgender the whole time?

[Adam Ray]

Definitely.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You guys have been laughing together.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Hell, yeah. What a dumb question, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I did not not know.

[Michael Dragon]

She's very open about it. I've all. I've sincerely always thought of her as a woman, but.

[Adam Ray]

Great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

John D's has a great point. He goes.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

And that's why he ignored the titty pictures, because that's just basically fake title.

[Alexis Alizari]

Tits.

[Michael Dragon]

They are fake tits.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Real tissue. And your girlfriend has a penis, right?

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But you've never seen it.

[Michael Dragon]

Oh, no. Plenty of people have seen it, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But have you seen it?

[Michael Dragon]

Not in person.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not in person. Only on.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Only fans.

[Michael Dragon]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you smelled it?

[Adam Ray]

What the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is disrespectful question. Red band. When you have. When you have someone being open on a show like this, it is disrespectful.

[Adam Ray]

Not even 16 minutes ago, you were doing dry turkey material, and now you're like, did you smell the trans.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's bashing Jesus. Sorry. It's so good. But red ban.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You can't ask questions like, have you smelled it?

[Michael Dragon]

No, I have not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not. Okay.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

So what do you think? The close. Have you kissed?

[Michael Dragon]

I. I'm a huge. So no way.

[Martin Phillips]

I.

[Michael Dragon]

We haven't. No, no.

[Audience Member]

Is.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Is he a huge too? Or is he more.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is he more of a dick? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying?

[Adam Ray]

Why are you so nervous? Like, you came out even your set tonight. You're nervous.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Someone in the audience just said you,

[Adam Ray]

by the way, correct?

[Michael Dragon]

No, no, I am just a nervous person. But as far as doing that, so. Because I haven't dated anyone in eight years. So what happened was I. I stopped dating someone, and then I was very sad over it for a long time, and then it just became momentum, and now it's like I'm trapped in my. This momentum of eight years. You know what I'm talking about?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When's the last time you kissed a girl? Eight years ago. Eight years ago. What if I told you you can kiss the girl right now? Would you take me up on it?

[Michael Dragon]

I depends which one better than what

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you're probably used to.

[Michael Dragon]

Okay, so my sincere answer is, I only care about.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is there a woman out there that's willing to kiss this guy? Is. Is there anybody other than Brooklyn? But then again, since she has men's saliva in her mouth, he'll probably enjoy it. Is there a different woman that's willing to. This guy hasn't kissed a woman in eight years. Is there a trans woman out there that's willing to.

[Adam Ray]

We found one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, come along. This way, horn players. Let her squeeze through. Come on through.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Sorry, Alexa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sorry, Alexa. Alexa should have made you.

[Adam Ray]

Don't want to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Alexa should have made her. Jesus Christ. Look at this. Buddy, you're leveling up.

[Adam Ray]

I mean.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Hello, Amazing. What's your name, sweetheart? Julia. Ladies jump out of hand for Julia, a war hero. What'd you say?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You're about to explode. I don't think you're gonna disappoint her.

[Michael Dragon]

Just.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Baby.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Let it rip. Feel normal. Are you gonna give him a real kiss? Julia, I think you should go for it.

[Adam Ray]

Just relax.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just have fun.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, we can't do that. No, no, we can't do that. You guys stay sideways. Stay sideways. Yeah, like that. Come on, let's go for it one time. Wow. Oh, my God. I saw a little head movement there. It looks like perhaps he got some tongue. This is a crazy show tonight. This is a fun show. Julia, grab that mic real quick.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Tell us. Give us a report. What was that kiss like? Did it feel like a guy that hasn't given a kiss for eight years? Or did he. Is he natural?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, he's not natural. Not natural,

[Adam Ray]

but it's been a minute, right? It's been eight years. Yeah. See, what Would you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Adam Ray]

What?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tried his best.

[Adam Ray]

He tries best.

[Audience Member]

There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He looks like he's having fun. I haven't seen him smile that big the whole time he's been up here. You're loosened up a little bit now, right?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Julia, let me ask you something. What would be if you could give him one piece of advice on his kisses? What would you say?

[Chin Way]

Do better.

[Sponsor Voice]

Oh,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Julia, here's a big jump up for you. No, this is for Julia.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

This is for Julia.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here you go.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Boom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good job.

[Audience Member]

Yeah.

[Andre Belton]

Bend over.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Good job, Julia.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How about a hand for Julia? She's a hero, ladies and gentlemen. Good job, Julia. Julia, I'd love to have you on the secret show. Red Band is on fire tonight. This is incredible.

[Adam Ray]

Red Band is the MVP of tonight's episode.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red Band saved all of his funny material for tonight.

[Audience Member]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Red Band. Careful, you're gonna get booked on your own show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. All right.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Really?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

All right, hold on. Okay, here you go. I'm giving you a medium sized joke book, Michael.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You would have gotten a big one, but you went for that hug at first and that really disappointed everybody.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You guys are booing the medium joke book selection.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're booing him.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Very good

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

spot to have to empty the first five rows of people here.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Trade them in with the people waiting outside. Michael, good job.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You did it.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Michael Dragon, everybody. You gotta loosen up, Michael. You only live once.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I have been informed, ladies and gentlemen, by the powers that be, that Julia actually signed up for the show. Is that correct? Is that what you're saying, that the girl that you just kissed him signed up for the show? Oh, his girlfriend signed up for the show. Is she around?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's right here or next door. Okay, we will get her up here. This is going to be very interesting. Not the girl that just kissed him. His actual girlfriend, who he has never kissed, signed up for the show. We are wrangling her right now instead of moving on.

[Adam Ray]

And you thought the most interesting thing tonight was going to be Tony's pen hobby?

[Big Ed]

Nope.

[Adam Ray]

Stick around.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That really is. I've really fallen in love with my pen hobby. And I love it. You know, it's a thing. Once you start, you don't stop. Be careful, stay away from those fountain pens.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Especially look at this lady shaped like

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Big Ed going to the bathroom. Absolutely incredible. You gotta love her. Big Edith, ladies and gentlemen. It was Big Edith, her husband just shaking his head and pointing at me now. Very good. You gotta love it. It's a real live show, people. He's getting a random high five from an audience member.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Are you British, sir? You look British. Are you British?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. All right.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

He just looks British.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're having fun in here tonight. We're having a good old time. Never been that wrong before. How about a hand for Adam Ray? Ladies and gentlemen, we are wrangling the transgender comedian new Adam Ray. Shows drop every Friday on Netflix. Just a reminder, you never know who will be at Madison Square Garden August 7th and August 8th, and in Las Vegas November 13th and 14th. We are there. Kill Tony. A band, the Kil Tony Band, for those of you in New York, is playing city winery on August 6th. And a special announcement right now, for the first time ever, Kill Tony for

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

the fourth year in a row. How weird is that to to say

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

will be on New Year's Eve in an arena the Moody center on New Year's Eve for the fourth year in a row. Tickets for that go on sale August 18th. 818.

[Sponsor Voice]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Using the promo code KILL26, you can be the first people to buy the only Austin Kill Tony in which tickets are available. That is is New Year's Eve.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Our fourth year in a row.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

818. 818 Till I Die.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

August 18th, in memory of the great Brody Stevens. Fun fact about 818. I'll be throwing the first pitch at

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

the Houston Astros game versus the California Angels.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

How weird is that? They.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They told me they want you 818, August 18th to throw baseball.

[Adam Ray]

If you throw one before.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, I'm going to throw a heater. Dude, I'm going George W. Bush 911 on this. Watch me. I'm calling it right now. Everyone's going to be so surprised. Gay man threw a baseball good. Shut up.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Shut up. What is this? Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah, we pulled two names.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

It's Alexa.

[Alexis Alizari]

Huh?

[Pat O'Neal]

Stewart Fails to Save the Universe is about Stuart Bloom, who ran the comic book shop on the Big Bang Theory and now has to restore reality after he accidentally causes a multiverse Armageddon. On the Stewart Fails to Save the Universe podcast. Hear from the creators, cast and crew as they unpack each episode after it airs on HBO Max. Watch the Stewart Fails to Save the Universe official podcast on HBO Max YouTube or listen wherever you get your podcasts.

[Sponsor Voice]

Try angel stuff for your tushy. It's made by angels. Soft and strong. Budget friendly. The choice is simple. Pick up a pack today.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Angel Soft,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

ladies and gentlemen. You think so? Very good. That's always very professional. You always love a good I think so. On the number one biggest comedy show at the world. I think so, ladies and gentlemen. You know her. She's been on this show before. Once before, but now you know her as Michael Dragon's girlfriend. This is a brand new minute from Alexis Alizari, ladies and gentlemen.

[Announcer]

Here we go.

[Alexis Alizari]

Guys, I'm sorry I was late. I just flew in from Thailand and boy, is my day missing.

[Andre Belton]

Sucks.

[Alexis Alizari]

Guys, I'm at the point I lie about my age on dating apps. And it's embarrassing. Cause this guy caught me, he picked me up in his truck, he took one look at me, one look at my Tinder profile, and he says, there's no fucking way.

[Big Ed]

You're 12.

[Alexis Alizari]

I have two apps, one that says I'm trans, one that doesn't. One that big difference on the profile that doesn't say I'm trans. Guys are like, you're beautiful. I would love for you to meet my family. On the profile that does say I'm trans. I got a message. It just said, my girlfriend is out of town. Can I shit on your chest? That's disgusting. That's awful. He had abs. So I did it, but the joke was on me because his dick was so small, I could do a line of Fentanyl off it and live.

[Audience Member]

Boom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Exactly a minute. She's done it again.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Alexis Alazari, 2 for 2, all time Kiltoni appearances. Welcome back, Alexis.

[Alexis Alizari]

Thank you so much. I'm so happy to be here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're fantastic.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

So, Alexis, let's get right to the goods, you know what I'm saying? Let's get right to the guy goods because Michael Dragon was up here earlier, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And he had a good set. He had a good set.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Not nothing too crazy, but a good set. And then we're in the interview portion. It's going on and on. I'm trying to figure out something felt off about. He was telling me that he has this new girlfriend for a month. And something felt off because I'm like, when have you. So when did you first hook up? When did you first, like, do something physical? And then I had to keep digging and digging and digging and digging. And then finally I find out he hasn't kissed a girl or anything like

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

a girl in eight years.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

So, Alexis, let me ask you. You seem sexually active. You seem. You seem. I mean, you just said that a guy took a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

On your chest, which is like, I. I don't. I don't think that's third base exactly. You know what I mean? I'm pretty sure that's the dugout

[Adam Ray]

factory.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So I guess my question and the

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

world's question at this point is how have you, if you're dating Michael Dragon? How have you not made a move on him yet?

[Alexis Alizari]

Well, I mean, I feel like it's cuz, you know, I've lived a crazy life. Like you're from Ohio. Like this. Okay, so this might seem like off and I don't want to get too personal with everyone, but Michael Dragon is the first guy I've ever dated that has not had a swastika tattoo on his face.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Adam Ray]

You got to get out more.

[Big Ed]

I have.

[Alexis Alizari]

I'm just saying. I have fucked more Nazis than a Russian winner. Freeze.

[Chin Way]

Wow.

[Alexis Alizari]

I'll give you an example. Youngstown, Ohio, met this guy, his name's Phil. I pull down his pants, swastikas on his dick really big. So it turned out to be my struggle.

[Audience Member]

Wow.

[Alexis Alizari]

Sucked him so hard he auschwitzed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Alexis Alizari]

I'm not gonna go through all the ones I have because I have about 6 million of these. But no, Mike is the first nice guy I've ever dated. And I don't wanna ruin it because a lot of guys, believe it or not, have said that I'm bad at sex. And as a trans woman, it can be very traumatic having sex because a lot of people use you as an experimental phase. So it's really hard to be intimate when you're constantly being fetishized and with people who basically won't even want to be seen in public with you.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Interesting. Now, do you think Michael doesn't want to be seen in public with you?

[Alexis Alizari]

Apparently not. After this, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

He was very open about it. I think he really likes you.

[Alexis Alizari]

I know. I think we should get married right on this show.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Well,

[Alexis Alizari]

I'm just kidding. The God king would not appreciate that marriage.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The God king?

[Adam Ray]

Who's the God king?

[Announcer]

What?

[Adam Ray]

Who's the God king?

[Alexis Alizari]

Donald j. Trump. No, I don't think. I don't think gay people should get married. So I mean, I'm gonna.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I think.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, you know, what do I know? But I think that the God King, AKA the reigning defender, three time President of the United States of America. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

[Adam Ray]

You watch it. You watch it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, you didn't do it. I did it. I think he has a.

[Adam Ray]

You can do whatever you fucking want, sweetheart.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you, President Biden. But I just want to say I think that the God King, President Trump gets a very bad reputation invitation. And I think Trump would love it

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

if we had a trans wedding on this show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you, Tony.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You're welcome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're welcome. You're welcome, God. You're welcome. God King, Trump. The one and the only great UFC card, by the way, I must say. Okay.

[Alexis Alizari]

I mean, I just want him to pay for my pussy so he can grab me by it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, let me ask you this.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

How much does it. How much does a new pussy cost?

[Alexis Alizari]

$20,000. That's how I know trans women are the dumbest men on the planet because they're the only men that will spend 20 grand on pussy and still not get a blowjob after.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's hilarious. So it's like two MacBook Pros, basically.

[Alexis Alizari]

Yeah. It's fucking expensive.

[Adam Ray]

Like a hundred thousand pens.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You ain't getting the same pens as I am, brother.

[Audience Member]

Wow.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

$20,000. Have you tried looking at TEMU or anything like that? Have you tried to look at a

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

TEMU pussy, AKA a baseball glove?

[Alexis Alizari]

Well, believe it or not, the first time I ever looked, my dad went with me to the doctor. And I don't know. This is relatable. Like, you've probably done this, looked at possible vaginas with your father, and. And he's looking through it, but he doesn't know anything about gay shit. But he knows about cars. So he was describing them like someone would describe a car. He was like, oh, don't get a Thailand rust bucket. You're not gonna have any backseat room.

[Audience Member]

Wow.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Absolutely incredible.

[Alexis Alizari]

But it's a common misconception. A lot of transition is out of

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

pocket pay out of pocket. That makes sense.

[Alexis Alizari]

Yeah. That's why I'm prolapse, trying to pay for all that out of pocket expense sense.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And so.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

But you are interested in getting the surgery?

[Alexis Alizari]

Yeah, I mean, I think I would definitely like the surgery because I, you know, identify as a woman and I. I think it would be easier to go through life because I feel like a lot of trans people nowadays, you know, kind of have turned into something more political where it's kind of. I view it as more of, like, you know, just an illness that I deal with, similar to, like, autism or adhd. It's just something that I deal with, Lynn. Like, I get, like, a lot of hate for that sometimes. Like, I posted, like, I don't think kids should transition on Facebook, and I got a bunch of hate comments.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Can I just tell you, after hearing you ramble that long, you really are a woman.

[Alexis Alizari]

Thank you so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, the transition is complete, ladies and gentlemen. Alexis.

[Adam Ray]

No periods, though I do gotta say, out of everyone, that's. What does your say?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Redman is cranking grand slams. This is absolutely incredible.

[Adam Ray]

What did you say?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He said.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

He said she talked all at once. There was no periods. And she doesn't have periods. A woman that doesn't have periods. Okay, you go ahead.

[Adam Ray]

I was just going to say, out of everyone that's made their way on stage tonight, you've come with the most energy, jokes, timing, making the best use of your time time. And I hope that you recognize that, because the show, obviously, like, you love it when it's great, you love it when it's a train wreck, but, like, it's always cool when you're like, oh, I want to make the most of my opportunity. And you did that. It was awesome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And we love that here, believe it or not. You know, I'd love to have you on the secret show at the Creek in the Cave this Thursday. No, that's such. No, you're just. Put her on.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Thank you. And here you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here's a big joke book.

[Alexis Alizari]

Ah, thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

If you fold it correctly, it turns into a. So good luck. There goes Alexis Alazari, ladies and gentlemen. All right, we're getting through it. We're. We're running into overtime here. This has been a long show. This bucket pool's been waiting a while. Let's get them up here. Make some noise for Andre Belton, everybody. A minute uninterrupted for Andre Belton.

[Martin Phillips]

Woo.

[Andre Belton]

I'm half Latino. Just means that my dad is white and my mom knows how to seize an opportunity. Us Latinos, we have not been doing well. I don't know if you guys can tell from your gated communities. We haven't.

[Alexis Alizari]

We haven't.

[Andre Belton]

But no one, no Latino has gotten worse than the president of Venezuela. You guys see that dude?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We straight up stole that guy. We stole him.

[Andre Belton]

We straight up ocean 11 him in the middle of the night with Nike sweats on and threw him in a cage with an angry Latina.

[Fang Chow]

Okay? That's.

[Andre Belton]

You know how much of a wild boy you have to be to be the only Latino to be forcefully imported? That's crazy. I like to imagine Trump visiting him in a jail cell.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at who it is.

[Andre Belton]

You were talking so much over Xbox Live. Now look at you. You said I couldn't find you, but we literally found you in three seconds. It cost taxpayers $38 billion, but we did. We found you anyway.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Andre Belton, everybody. The rare Latino doing a Trump, AKA the God King.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Welcome, Andre. You've been on this show before?

[Andre Belton]

No.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay. It's your first time.

[Andre Belton]

This is my second time signing up.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay. Congratulations. How long have you lived in Austin?

[Andre Belton]

How did you know I lived in Austin?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I don't right now you could be, well, I'm actually visiting from New Orleans and I'd be like, okay, no, I

[Andre Belton]

do live in Austin. I moved here about nine months ago.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

There you go. Took us a while to get there, but we got the answer out of you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nine months.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

What do you do for work, Andre? What exactly?

[Andre Belton]

I sell myself on the Internet.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

What do you mean?

[Andre Belton]

Of course you want to know what that means?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Go ahead, Andre.

[Andre Belton]

No, I do, I do like comedy online, full time, social media, stupid videos.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay, like your biggest video. What is that? Can you describe what you did on that video to where you make a living making videos for a living?

[Andre Belton]

I do a lot of reaction content. My biggest video has like 58 million views, which is insane. And it's literally just a guy backing up. I'm reacted to a guy backing up and this bitch is like, you can't

[Alexis Alizari]

back up like that.

[Andre Belton]

And then he backs up and like does perfect parallel parking. And I was like, yeah, that's right, bitch. He's right. I'm on his side now.

[Chin Way]

And.

[Andre Belton]

And that was it. That was literally it.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay. Yeah. All right.

[Adam Ray]

Big Ed has a video where he. He just turned and it's got a hundred billion views.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I know.

[Adam Ray]

Is that wild?

[Andre Belton]

I wish I had his neck.

[Maya Shimizu]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know this guy, you saw him next door at Shakespeare Did.

[Andre Belton]

I mean, it's kind of hard not to see him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He kind of stands out. He stands out.

[Andre Belton]

He does stand out.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Let me ask you this, Andre, what do you like to do for fun? What are some hobbies of Andre, but Belton, you seem like the kind of guy that likes to take a little, maybe a little parkour once in a while.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Parkour. I'm feeling some parkour.

[Andre Belton]

I do like hopping borders. That's fun.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You do what?

[Andre Belton]

Hopping borders.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

What do you mean by that?

[Andre Belton]

Well, you know the Latino joke that I just made? You know, that's insinuation that, okay, that didn't land at all.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

That's all right.

[Andre Belton]

No, I like fucking.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay.

[Andre Belton]

Fucking's fun. I'm an ex sex addict.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay, what's the craziest amount of sex? Like, what's the most insane when you're like, man, this addiction's out of control. What's the craziest thing you did? Multiple girls in a week, a day, anything like that?

[Andre Belton]

I usually measure that by the amount of fat bitches that I fucked in one weekend. Yeah, generally. You know what I mean?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

How many was that? How many pounds

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

accumulative?

[Andre Belton]

I would say it would. It would definitely be.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Give us a ballpark.

[Andre Belton]

Like, probably like £500.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Oh, well. So that's just one chick.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

One and a half.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

One really fat chick.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Or is that two 250s double 250s.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Wow, look at that.

[Adam Ray]

Are the big gals drawn to you, or do you. You go find the them?

[Andre Belton]

It's like they're drawn to me like a. Like a drug dealer's drawn to, like, a crackhead on the streets. You know what I mean? Like, when I haven't gotten my fix for a while, I realized I had a problem when.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

When you were parkouring outside of a curbs gym.

[Andre Belton]

When I was parkouring, I was parkouring. I was just jumping around, and the fat bit just saw me, and they just. They came around to me, and. And they just. Me right there. It was insane.

[Adam Ray]

How do you pick them up? What's your like?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, you can't pick them up, but how do you get them to you?

[Andre Belton]

I just want to let you know my preference isn't fat bitches.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's just the lowest that I was at.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, but that's the topic of conversation.

[Andre Belton]

Yeah, it is a good topic. Conversation.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

The bar is lowered. Let's say. Let's put it that way. The salad bar is lowered.

[Andre Belton]

The best way to pick up chicks is just to be mean to them on Tinder.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Ah, they're on Tinder.

[Andre Belton]

Yeah, that.

[Big Ed]

That is.

[Andre Belton]

That is the best way to be mean.

[Adam Ray]

What do you mean?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You.

[Andre Belton]

You just got to be like, what's up?

[Sponsor Voice]

Whoa.

[Audience Member]

Wow.

[Andre Belton]

That's it. I tried the other way. I tried, like, you're so beautiful, and I love everything that you are.

[Adam Ray]

How many times did you try that?

[Andre Belton]

So I actually. I got sponsored.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Some fat women yelling at you from the audience right now.

[Audience Member]

They're very.

[Andre Belton]

You want to go pull parkouring later?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm down.

[Andre Belton]

No, I got sponsored by Tinder in college. They actually reached out to me because I had, like, 2,000 matches.

[Adam Ray]

Whoa.

[Andre Belton]

Yeah.

[Sponsor Voice]

Wow.

[Adam Ray]

And I had infinity pack or what?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. That's how many matches you have to light after a weekend of banging fat girls to make the room not smell bad anymore.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

2000 matches. Anybody?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Anybody get that one?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Relieve the scent in the room.

[Martin Phillips]

Him.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okie dokie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoopsie daisy.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

All right, Andre, I got to tell

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you, these interviews tonight have been so

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

crazy that this somehow is a very mellow one.

[Adam Ray]

You look like you sold coke to all the kids at the sand lot.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Yeah, it is true.

[Adam Ray]

Like, the one rough kid that was like, you guys are still playing T ball, huh?

[Andre Belton]

Yeah, dude, I went up to them And I was like, you guys.

[Adam Ray]

You guys are still. You guys are still pulling baseballs out of dog's mouths. I'm fat chicks.

[Andre Belton]

You guys don't even do parkour. Fat bitches.

[Adam Ray]

I think. I think we did it.

[Martin Phillips]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sorry, Andre.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

This is a Buc EE's medium size. This is a really good joke book. Here you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The great Andre Belton, ladies and gentlemen.

[Pat O'Neal]

Stewart Fails to Save the Universe is about Stuart Bloom, who ran the comic book shop on the Big Bang Theory and now has to restore reality after he accidentally causes a multiverse Armageddon. On the Stuart Fails to Save the Universe podcast. Hear from the creators, cast and crew as they unpack each episode after it airs on HBO Max. Watch the Stewart Fails to Save the Universe official podcast on HBO Max, YouTube or listen wherever you get your podcasts.

[Sponsor Voice]

Try angel stuff for your tushy. It's made by Angels Soft and Strong. Budget friendly. The choice. Pick up a pack today. Angel Soft and Strong.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. We have a regular here, ladies and gentlemen. He is a unbelievably one of the top young rising comedians in the world. We've been following his story from being in Japanese prison for a while and. And now he's back in America, touring

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

all over the country.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ladies and gentlemen, one of our great regulars in the history of the show. This is a brand new minute or a minute plus from the great Dedrick Flynn, ladies and gentlemen. The dirt storm of Austin, Texas was.

[Audience Member]

Do y'. All.

[Andre Belton]

Do y'.

[Audience Member]

All. What happened to horror movies? Like, because, like, when I was growing up, horror movies, we had, like, actual monsters. Like, we had, like, Freddie, like, don't go to sleep in a white neighborhood on Friday. You know, you had Jason, like, don't bully fat kids. That nigga go come back and kill Chucky. Like, it was like, actual scary things. Like, don't go to the lake at night. There's a mermaid that's gonna kill you. And now when you watch horror movies, they're just like, don't fall in love. Don't ever meet your neighbors. Nigga, the worst thing you could do is meet your neighbors. Now everybody. Everybody's dead. Don't ever open up, all right? Don't ever open up. Don't meet anybody new. Don't go on vacation. Just sit in the house and hate people. That's my time. I love y'.

[Alexis Alizari]

All.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A great new minute. I love it. That is true.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Where the fuck. What happened to the good fucking scary guys? That's crazy, right? I mean, we had Michael Myers, Jason,

[Audience Member]

Freddy, Chucky I got a theory on it, Tony. I think it's. I think the AI robots want us to stop unionizing, being friends, and that's because they. They keep take. They buying up all the houses with the cryptocurrency, electric money. And then. And then they want us living in apartments because you can't meet nobody if you gotta take an elevator. Because, like, when you. The rules on the elevator don't look me in the fucking eyes. You know what I'm saying? Don't have a comp. Like me and you were talking, and we get on the elevator, somebody, come on. We just stopped talking, talking because we don't want them to know our secrets.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely, everybody. There's no doubt about it. You've nailed it yet again.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

It is incredible, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are right. It's like the places are haunted, but

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

the people aren't haunted.

[Audience Member]

Yeah.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

And everybody's chasing these dragons. You can, like, tell that some things worked. What the was I watching the other day where it's like, oh, this is a good new scary movie. You're gonna like it. And I was watching it, and then all of a sudden there's like a clown crawling towards somebody that looked like the clown from it. I'm like, this is just ripping off it. Yeah, they're just trying to redo things.

[Audience Member]

That movie was it. They remade it?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Yeah,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

something else. The was it.

[Audience Member]

I just. I just want.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Oh, was Widows.

[Audience Member]

Yeah, Widows.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

And then someone was like, this show's great. It's so great. And I'm like, how good is your weed? Because I. I tried it, and then there's a clown. The first thing that's so scary, this twist, this twisty show is a clown in the crawl space. Thank you, Michael Gonzalez.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wasn't it, Dedrick?

[Audience Member]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How dare you?

[Audience Member]

Opportunity for a great joke. There was, and then I capitalized on it because I'd be capitalizing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are capitalizing. You know you are capitalizing.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

But yeah, fucking. I was so pissed when it was a fucking clown. You saw that shit. It drives me crazy. Why are they doing that? Why would they do that? Come up with your own thing. Son of a. Obsession was crazy, though. Did you see that, Adam?

[Adam Ray]

So good.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Ray]

Incredible.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Did you see it, Dedrick?

[Audience Member]

No, I was in jail.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay, perfect.

[Audience Member]

But it's on the list of things that you sent me to watch.

[Announcer]

Watch?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You have some catching up to do.

[Adam Ray]

Have you seen Allah Haha yet? It's not out, but I can get you on the list for the screening.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I might be in It Taliban. We might be doing it.

[Big Ed]

Oh yeah.

[Adam Ray]

We might be co starring starring Red

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

band and Adam Ray. Allah. Or the Taliban. It might be.

[Adam Ray]

That's right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's not forget title undecided.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Title.

[Adam Ray]

The untitled Allah project.

[Andre Belton]

Yeah.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

And if you liked Allah, you'll love Allah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Lol.

[Adam Ray]

Yours is better.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Oh my God, Dedrick. What else is going on in life?

[Audience Member]

I just recorded my comedy special at a here in Atlanta. My first headline.

[Adam Ray]

Hell yeah.

[Audience Member]

It's going to be out on on the YouTubes, but it's gorgeous. Finally went on vacation. That was cool. I was in the sands, Tony. I ain't been in the sands in nine years.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

And what are the sands?

[Audience Member]

I won't go back again.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

What are the sands? Are you talking the beach?

[Audience Member]

Yeah. I don't go in the water though. You know what I'm saying? When it started to become ocean and let's be and the ocean start right here. You know what I'm saying? So as soon as it hit right here, I'm back in the sands.

[Orhun Timor]

Wow.

[Audience Member]

Building castles. I did. I buried. Buried a couple of my close nice. You know what I'm saying,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Santa? I see the tan you got tan.

[Fang Chow]

Yeah.

[Audience Member]

Thank you so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were red today.

[Adam Ray]

Red Band.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are fire. You're fire.

[Adam Ray]

Your new nickname is Weight Bombs. Cuz you're batting over a thousand.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know what, Red Band? We've been doing this show together. 13 years. This has been. I never thought the day would come, but I'm telling you right now, ladies and gentlemen, this is a golden ticket right here. Brain. Red Band, ladies and gentlemen, let the red record show this has never happened before. And my friend, tonight, you have earned it. You are absolutely hilarious. I'm gonna shoot myself in the head now.

[Audience Member]

Come on, White dad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dedrick, we are running in overtime. I love you. You killed it again. The great and powerful Dedrick Flynn. What an episode. We're having fun here tonight. These interviews have gone so long that chaos. How about I am for the lovely Heidi, everybody,

[Orhun Timor]

huh?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah, we're having fun. How about one more time for the great Adam Ray While we're in the middle of it all, this looks like a new name. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Maya Shimizu. Maya Shimizu.

[Maya Shimizu]

Ladies, have you ever told a man you're gay to get him to off right?

[Sponsor Voice]

But they're relentless.

[Maya Shimizu]

They don't give a federal. They're like, no, baby, you just haven't had the right dick yet. Let me change. Imagine if I did that shit to a gay man. He, I walk up to him, I'm like, hey. Baby says, off, I'm gay. I said, no, baby, you just haven't had the right pussy yet. You've never had this Asian persuasion. You've never climbed the great wall of vagina. A lot of people think I am gay. So, you know, I had to do a little science experiment. I ate some pussy. But you know, the thing about a science experiment, you just can't test that shit once. That's bad fucking science. So, you know, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't gay. Triple check. Fourth day, you know, I took her to get a cat, moved in with her, introduced her to my parents. But like the 10th time, I was like, okay, I'm very straight, I'm not gay, but I am Asian. And I am here today to disprove some stereotypes. Stereotype number one, we have tight pussy. Stereotype number one, we have tight pussies. First of all, fuck y' all whoever said that, okay? Some of us have hot dogs in a hallway for a fucking pussy. Some of us have wide set fucking vagina. Not me or anything. Like, you know, not, not, not. Talking about my other, other Asians. Stereotype number two.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Go ahead, go ahead.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I want to hear this. Go ahead.

[Maya Shimizu]

We have sideways. That one's true. That's why we blur it out in porn.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Maya Shimizu. Am I saying that right? Shimizu.

[Maya Shimizu]

Like she and me at the zoo.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay. I think we had a Shimizu up here earlier. She does us a. Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A Shiizu, if you will.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay, Maya, I gotta ask you, where are you from? Because I'm picking up from your accent a little bit of urban. A little bit of urban. Are you from Oakland, California?

[Maya Shimizu]

No, I'm from Austin, Texas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow.

[Maya Shimizu]

Yeah, Born and raised. I'm just like Asian trash if it ever existed.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Nina Lynn, how did you end up

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

there? He is taking this back. Good Lord almighty. That's what I have to deal with every week.

[Maya Shimizu]

I'm sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. No, you're good, Maya, you're good. He's back.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

It's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's back. Red band.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay, so you're from. You're from Austin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm going to scratch out Oakland.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I was so positive about Oakland, by the way.

[Maya Shimizu]

Sorry.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

It's okay. What part of Austin are you from?

[Maya Shimizu]

I'm from North Austin.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

North Austin. You have a lot of black friends?

[Maya Shimizu]

Some.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

They're cool, huh? Okay, you're racist.

[Maya Shimizu]

I mean.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, I'm kidding.

[Maya Shimizu]

We can get into that later, but okay.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

So, Maya, how long have you been doing stand up?

[Maya Shimizu]

About a month.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

A month. Very good. For a month.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I gotta tell you, you're a great stage presence. Appreciate you enunciating into the mic microphone. You have energy, you have perspective.

[Maya Shimizu]

Begging for a shot backstage.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

So I appreciate that you're doing good. What, Saki, what did you want back there? Okay, Maya, what do you do for a living?

[Maya Shimizu]

I'm a fire inspector.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Ooh, a fire inspector.

[Audience Member]

Yeah.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Tell us about that. How do you get into that?

[Maya Shimizu]

I've changed careers about nine times. Like I've done. I worked for child protective services for a while. I worked. I was a middle school teacher. And then I said them kids. And now I'm just a professional snitch. I'm like, take the candle away, put a fire hydrant there.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay. And do you. What are you inspecting exactly? The outdoors or you go into people's homes?

[Maya Shimizu]

I go to businesses and I just inspect, make sure that there's no, like, fire hazards.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

So like, you make sure that their smoke detectors are going.

[Chin Way]

Yeah.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Let me ask you a question here. Oh, okay. Cuz, I mean, there is. You were talking about stereotypes. We talk about stereotypes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love stereotypes.

[Sponsor Voice]

That's.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I find. And it gets me in trouble sometimes. I find that the differences between different cultures are so fascinating to me. And I love that we live in America, a melting pot where Asians with black accents from Texas can come out.

[Maya Shimizu]

We can do it all, baby.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We can do it all here in America.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

So my question is this. Have you noticed that black owned businesses do not change their smoke detectors as much as white owned businesses?

[Maya Shimizu]

Perhaps I have noticed. Maybe they will be.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

But you know, wow. So that is a thing.

[Maya Shimizu]

Part of their culture. You know, I just don't say anything, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You don't say anything.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You let them burn.

[Maya Shimizu]

You're making me look bad. Oh, my God.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Maya. What. What's your dream guy like? What kind of guys are you into in real life? Because you. You talked a lot about how you. You'll say you're gay, this, that. So it seems like no one's good enough for you, but what are you into?

[Maya Shimizu]

Struggle.

[Sponsor Voice]

Go.

[Maya Shimizu]

I'm open to everybody.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Have you been with a black man before?

[Maya Shimizu]

I mean, what do you think?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Yes.

[Maya Shimizu]

Yeah, I have a joke about that too.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay. What's your joke about that?

[Maya Shimizu]

Okay, so my joke. Well, I did get one stereotype, right? I am dating a white guy. He's like your favorite milk, rich white and 2% fat.

[Alexis Alizari]

Okay. He.

[Maya Shimizu]

I think he wanted a Asian mail order bride. But he kind of got the T Movers version.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Get to the black part.

[Maya Shimizu]

Okay, fine. I usually date black guys.

[Alexis Alizari]

All right?

[Maya Shimizu]

Right.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Heck, I should say.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did I tell you? Jesus. What do you mean? Are you on panel, sir?

[Adam Ray]

I think that was Dedrick, but I

[Maya Shimizu]

don't have a fan.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What I tell you? Let me back up on stage. I've been with that bitch before.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I tried to watch a fucking scary movie with her ass.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You want to watch it? They remade it.

[Adam Ray]

They did, but it was a good joke.

[Sponsor Voice]

That was it.

[Maya Shimizu]

Oh, yeah. That was a whole joke.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

What was the joke?

[Sponsor Voice]

That.

[Maya Shimizu]

Just black guys. Oh, no, no. There's more, but it's.

[Alexis Alizari]

It's okay.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Okay, how do you.

[Adam Ray]

What's your writing process like? Like, when you prepared tonight's set?

[Audience Member]

What.

[Adam Ray]

How did you. Were the other jokes that you. I mean, did you just think, like, all right, I'm going to try to be personal, to be informative.

[Andre Belton]

Yeah.

[Maya Shimizu]

I hope you guys all learned about Asian tonight. I wanted to educate y'.

[Martin Phillips]

All.

[Maya Shimizu]

No, those are just the jokes that. I've been only doing comedy for a month, but those are the jokes that usually hit. So I was like, let me just do those.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

What made you want to start standup?

[Maya Shimizu]

A month ago, my best friend told me. She's like, you're really funny. So she was like, it'd be a waste if you didn't try it. And she's Jewish, so they know good talent.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, they. They run.

[Alexis Alizari]

We do.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

They run the business.

[Alexis Alizari]

We do.

[Maya Shimizu]

Yeah.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

They are show business proficient. We say, where did you make this Jewish friend at exactly?

[Maya Shimizu]

We've been best friends since high school.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Oh, nice. Okay. You went to high school here in Austin, Texas?

[Maya Shimizu]

Yes. MacCallum.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

What's their mascot? What's McAllen's mascot?

[Maya Shimizu]

I think it's a night.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Oh, okay.

[Alexis Alizari]

All right.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Maya, any hobbies, any special skills or talent that would surprise us? You seem like the kind of person. Person that's heavily into parkour.

[Maya Shimizu]

How did you know? No, I like lifting. I like.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Ooh.

[Maya Shimizu]

I like movies.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Oh, wow. What do you like to lift sometimes? Seems like mostly forks and spoons.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. Chopsticks, Tony. Oh, thank you. The first ever two time golden ticket winner, ladies and gentlemen, Brian.

[Sponsor Voice]

I'd like to book you on the

[Alexis Alizari]

secret show on Thursday.

[Audience Member]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, you are a real artist tonight.

[Adam Ray]

The emotional roller coaster you're taking us on tonight, Brian, is almost too much to handle.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The best part is going to be, like, you know, like, I just picture, like, two mechanics that, like, love this show, right? Are at work on a Tuesday or a Wednesday. Like, God. You see the new Kill Tony. And the other one's like, no.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

What happened, Dude?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The guest was Adam Ray.

[Audience Member]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

He must have been hilarious.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, Redman stole the show.

[Adam Ray]

Okay with that?

[Sponsor Voice]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No way. Absolutely.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He got two Golden Tickets. What? What? Tony gave one.

[Adam Ray]

Took it right back, Gave it to him again. Never seen it. Derek was in the back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tony and Adam were really good, but Red, man, I mean, it was unbelievable. The guy's just like, no way, dude.

[Michael Dragon]

What are you. What do you.

[Sponsor Voice]

What do you.

[Fang Chow]

What?

[Adam Ray]

Let me guess.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Widow's Bay is a great show, too.

[Adam Ray]

Turkey material.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

A hunk of everybody's T. That's how bad shows have gotten, is that people are like, you got to watch this show. It's, like, terrible, right? What's good? What's good anymore? House of Dragons. What else?

[Adam Ray]

Friends? Friends. Neighbors. I just got into pretty good with John Ham. Pretty good show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What are you trying to get a

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

guest spot on it?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's going on over here? I've never heard of this.

[Adam Ray]

I don't know. What. What did it say?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There is nothing.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

The answer is nothing.

[Adam Ray]

What's a good murder?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

King of the Hill.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

I watched a thing about.

[Adam Ray]

I met a bunch of King.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I did like, a bu. That's just Mike Judge crushing from here in Austin, Texas.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

That doesn't. That doesn't count. Yeah, help us get Mike Judge. Where's Mike Judge at his phone number? Yeah, he said. We talked to him, like, years ago, and then he disappeared. I think he's distancing himself from, like, controversial ways. Anyway, Maya Shimizu. I like your style, Maya. Congratulations, relations. Here's a medium sized joke book.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sign up again. Keep writing. You have, like, very good. Your Jewish friend was right. You have very, very good honesty talent.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You're. You're pushing it. I want to. If you keep doing this, something great's gonna happen for you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Maya Shimizu.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Maya Shimizu, ladies and gentlemen. All right, this episode's gone on way too long. If you're wondering. We are in way, way over time. This is much longer than your average episode. So congratulations to you, the audience, for really getting a lot of bang for your buck. And congratulations to you, the always ungrateful viewers at home. Make some noise for your final bucket pool of the night, ladies and gentlemen. His name is Jacob Guildry. Jacob Gildry.

[Announcer]

Growing up, I was in this club called ffa. If you're not familiar, that's the Future Farmers of America. And that is the club that teaches you how to storm the Capitol.

[Alexis Alizari]

Come on.

[Announcer]

These people are very country. They still think AI stands for artificial insemination. They're just like, Elon's trying to do what to my phone. He's trying to fuck it. I didn't fit in with these people. And the worst part about it was that my parents sent me to the FFA summer camp. And worst part wasn't that I didn't fit in. It was that I tore my meniscus there doing the cha cha slide. That's so embarrassing. Tearing your meniscus is something that NFL players do. Like Patrick Mahomes could lose his meniscus to the Chargers. And I lost mine. To the left now, y', all, thank you very much.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Jacob Gildry, is that true? You really tore your meniscus doing the cha cha?

[Announcer]

I did tear my meniscus doing the cha cha slide, yes.

[Big Ed]

Wow.

[Adam Ray]

Are you the Jewish friend that told Shinzu to do stand up?

[Announcer]

You got me.

[Alexis Alizari]

Wow.

[Adam Ray]

Great catchphrase.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Yeah, amazing.

[Announcer]

You got me.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

What are those charms? What are those charms on your necklace there? What do you got there?

[Announcer]

I have a cross and I have a St. Christopher pendant.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Oh, you have Jesus on a cross to remember that your people slaughtered him and murdered him.

[Announcer]

Well, I just like to remember the best moments of our people.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

That is right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Pawn the guilt off on the Romans. An incredible move in the history of civilization.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Absolutely unbelievable. Are you Jewish, Jacob?

[Announcer]

I am not.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Oh, okay.

[Announcer]

Everyone thinks I am. I'm full blown Cajun. I'm from Louisiana.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Absolutely incredible. Wow. Have you ever thought about telling your face that you're not Jewish?

[Announcer]

It's hard to look at it in the mirror, so no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Do you ever wear yarmulke just so you can book things?

[Announcer]

No, but I do get better mortgage rates when I go to the bank, so I try it out.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Incredible. How long you been doing stand up?

[Announcer]

Seven years.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Seven years. Whereas that.

[Announcer]

Lake Charles, Louisiana.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Lake Charles, Louisiana. Wow. And what made you come here today?

[Announcer]

Actually, I've been about 15 times in the past year.

[Audience Member]

Wow.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You make a drive to do that?

[Big Ed]

Yep.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

How long is that drive?

[Announcer]

It's about five hours.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Wow, look at that. 15 times. You finally got up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're very funny man.

[Audience Member]

Thank you.

[Adam Ray]

How much time do you have?

[Announcer]

30 minutes.

[Big Ed]

Awesome.

[Adam Ray]

And you get up a lot around Louisiana?

[Announcer]

Yeah, a lot around Louisiana. I run the scene in Lake Charles, so we do open mics and I book comics that come through. So we do shows and I travel a good bit.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Lake Charles near Baton Rouge, two hours. Okay.

[Announcer]

We're, like, right over the. About an hour from Beaumont.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You know, our guy that just got a golden ticket a few weeks ago. Very funny, man.

[Announcer]

I came here with both of those guys that were on that episode, and I did not get pulled. And thankfully, I did not kill myself. And now we're here.

[Chin Way]

Here.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Well, I'm glad you didn't kill yourself, cuz. Would.

[Orhun Timor]

Would.

[Adam Ray]

Would you like to open for me in Birmingham, Alabama, and Atlanta, Georgia, in October?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Wow, wow,

[Audience Member]

wow.

[Adam Ray]

But you have to take that cross off your neck. No, I'm joking.

[Audience Member]

I'm joking.

[Fang Chow]

I'm joking.

[Adam Ray]

It's in October, so I'll just bu. Info.

[Announcer]

Absolutely.

[Adam Ray]

Theater gigs out there.

[Announcer]

Absolutely.

[Fang Chow]

Yes, yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You just got a real big gig out of that, buddy. It's a huge theater with the great Adam Ray. There he goes. Jacob Guildry with a big joke book. Sign up again sometime, Jacob. Very funny, people. Coming out of the middle of nowhere in Louisiana right now. I'm telling you, there is something going on there. Something's cooking in Louisiana.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Ladies and gentlemen, this is it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It. You've made it to the absolute final

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

part of the show in which we

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

all just get to sit back and be fans of standup comedy. Because my closing regular is. I mean, what can I say? I could sit here and yap, yap, yap about it. I just got to tell you, it is just one of my favorite things ever in the history of the show to watch this man work. I'm a super fan. A super fan. Make some noise for the real deal. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Pat o'.

[Alexis Alizari]

Neal.

[Pat O'Neal]

Folks,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

someone put a swastika on my Tesla.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

It was me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, it's illegal to draw swastika in Germany or play hide and seek, but that's enough politics, okay? You wore yourselves out up front. Last night I was in bed with my gal pal. Told me she wanted to role play. I was like, all right, let's pretend we're at a beach and a jellyfish just stung your face. Other day, she told me she's taking a woman's self defense class. I was like, oh, nice. You're learning how to cook. Okay, that's it.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Thank you,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Pat o'. Neal.

[Audience Member]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, look at this. People are on their feet.

[Adam Ray]

Thank you, bro.

[Sponsor Voice]

What the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible. Wow,

[Andre Belton]

dude.

[Adam Ray]

You're gonna be a mega star, dude. There's just, like, your. Your delivery, your performative skills. Like, you people, you're just so goddamn likable. And then your jokes. Yeah, I don't know There's a. How many times have I been on the show when you've been here? A few times, right?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Yeah, I followed you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They, like, gave you the golden ticket the last time right before I got it, and they had to go sprint to get it. And the first time I was on

[Adam Ray]

Netflix, I followed you as a. Wow. Oh, no.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's a man like Joe Biden that was here, but.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, yeah, no, it's me. But I appreciate you trying to keep. Appreciate.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know him, bro.

[Fang Chow]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

You're killing it. That was very funny. Very funny again.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Pat, how's life been going for you? Every week the pops get bigger. It's so deserved. I mean.

[Big Ed]

I know. I mean, thank you, guys.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

That was insane.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know what the. I just heard the I told you so guy say.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Yeah, yeah. That guy is a big predictor of things. Oh, is he?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He knew that the Asian was with a black man earlier.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, did he?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was a real incel convention out here earlier, huh?

[Adam Ray]

Holy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's wild. It's been an absolutely crazy night. We've had Asians galore trans. We've had shy white guys, a Turkish dude. Some guy just sang the thong Song at one point.

[Adam Ray]

Hit a definitely had edited favorite part of the show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We had to edit it out. Who knows? Maybe it'll make it on the super cast. The new bonus footage.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

For $5 a month, you can get the super cast. What a great price, huh? That's. That's the price of. You can get for. You can get almost 4, 140 big head cameos.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Pat, what else is going on?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Anything else crazy? Crazy?

[Audience Member]

No.

[Andre Belton]

I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did Killers this weekend.

[Michael Dragon]

There's nothing.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

No real stories from it. You went and did it. What cities were those?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Lubbock in Midland, Texas, by golly.

[Big Ed]

Southwest.

[Alexis Alizari]

Really?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Me on the way there, but overall, good shows.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

What happened with Southwest?

[Adam Ray]

I got.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They like rerouted the plane because there was a delay, like automatically in the app.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

But then I still made it to the gate while they were boarding people,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

and they told me to myself, basically.

[Audience Member]

Really?

[Fang Chow]

Yeah.

[Alexis Alizari]

Yeah.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

How'd you make it to the gig?

[Adam Ray]

I had to get. I had to go to Dallas first after that and. Yeah.

[Fang Chow]

Yeah.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Wow. Now I'd always be if. If I was a normal human being. Right. You're on a Southwest flight. Or wait, are seats assigned now in Southwest?

[Andre Belton]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I trust Big Mike.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

They are.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, they're not.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

They're not. You were just there. They are assigned now. Was that a middle seat? That you had, by any chance?

[Adam Ray]

Oh, the new flight that I got

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

put on was a middle seat with

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

a baby and one of them next to me.

[Fang Chow]

Me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Now, I'd imagine if I didn't watch this show at all and you sat next to me on a plane, I'd

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

be kind of freaked out.

[Big Ed]

Yeah.

[Announcer]

I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you take up a lot of space? Do you do anything quirky on a plane?

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Are you headphones, neck pillow, blindfold? What do you do on the plane?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, no blindfold. But maybe that sounds. I don't know why I said blindfold. I meant IMAX mask.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Right. Not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That'd be crazy if you walked in blindfold like. Like a kidnapping victim or something like that. But I could see you doing something like that. I think I'm going to.

[Adam Ray]

Or do you just sit there in silence and stare straight ahead like, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you are built for this game, Pat o'.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Neal. Truly, truly. Not one of. But I can say without any hesitation the. The fastest rising comedian in the world

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

live in the flesh. One more time for the great Pat o'.

[Alexis Alizari]

Neill.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're watching a juggernaut in real time. We find the talent here and we amplify it. And that also includes here on the

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

panel every single week. You know, I. I love showing off the funniest people in the world. Which brings me to my big point here. If you don't see where I'm getting.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How about one more time? Time for the great Adam Ray. Ladies and gentlemen, the Adam Ray Show.

[Adam Ray]

Thank you.

[Orhun Timor]

I love you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

On Netflix every Friday. Two time guest of the year, two time hall of famer. He's just. I mean, no one has the accolades that this man has on this show, on its history.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

My true brother. I mean, we were literally door guys together at the Comedy Store making, I believe, $615 an hour.

[Adam Ray]

That's two pens.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. No, it's not okay. I'm telling you, this pen thing, it's crazy.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

You don't want to start. It's crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But Adam Ray, ladies and gentlemen, watch his show on Netflix. He's the man who knows? Maybe one day he'll ask.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Know one of us to be on this show or something.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

That's a big.

[Adam Ray]

I just did upstairs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Remember, I have a concussion. I don't remember. Catch us at Madison Square Garden, August 7th and 8th. Vegas. 1113, 1114. November 13th and 14th and New Year's Eve in Austin. Tickets go on sale August 18th. Use the promo code KILL26. And the band plays itself. City Winery on August 6th in New York City on that Thursday night. But catch us at Madison Square Garden. If you can't catch us at Madison Square Garden, watch the stream live. It is an incredible thing. We are back to we're back to our own stream sometimes, which is very exciting, which means that it's completely unedited and super raw. Anything can happen, unlike our some of our, you know, experimental episodes with other

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

streaming sites that we've done and still will do in the future. And that's about it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red Band. Check out The Sunset Strip, atx.com secret show every Thursday. I love you guys. We love you guys.

[Redban (Brian Redban)]

Thank you. Good night, everybody.

[Andre Belton]

It.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sad. Let's go.

[Alexis Alizari]

Sa.