#687 - JOE DEROSA + CHRIS DISTEFANO

Summary

KILL TONY – EPISODE #687 – JOE DEROSA + CHRIS DISTEFANO
Recorded: October 15, 2024
Venue: Comedy Mothership, Austin, TX

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Episode Overview

This episode of Kill Tony continued its tradition as “the #1 live podcast in the world”, with comedians competing live for a minute in front of a raucous Austin crowd and a rotating panel of comedy heavyweights. This week’s guests were New York comedy legends Joe DeRosa and Chris Distefano, both ready to riff mercilessly on the parade of up-and-comers and misfits drawn from the infamous “bucket”. True to form, the episode delivered a mix of brutal roasts, career-changing opportunities, and unfiltered standup, all under Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redban's energetic MC’ing.

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

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1. Opening & Guest Introduction (00:48–04:10)

• Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redban set the rowdy tone from the Comedy Mothership, with the house band introduced to big applause.
• Tony hyped his guests ("two of my favorite comedians, legends of New York") and two dozen standup hopefuls signed up to perform.
• Chris Distefano immediately gets laughs roasting a guy’s "Gucci bucket hat":
  • “It stands for gay guy.” (Chris Distefano, 04:38)
• Early banter is filled with the show’s trademark roast-style exchanges, promising an unpredictable night.

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2. Up-and-Comer Sets and Panel Roasts

2.1. Enrique Chacon (07:23–14:47)

• Enrique Chacon, “Golden Ticket winner”, kicked off the standup with wild body humor and tales from Uber Eats driving.
• Jokes about abusing Uber Eats, his girlfriend sucking his “titties”, and weight gain brought hearty groans and laughter.
• Rapid-fire panel roasting:
  • “You look like Elliot Page if he was fat Mexican.” (Chris Distefano, 09:02)
  • “You look like the stepdad that sent me to fat camp.” (Enrique to DeRosa, 09:19)
• Notably, Chris offers Enrique a spot at his Dallas show:
  • “This weekend I’m doing shows in Dallas. Do you want to do a spot?” (Chris Distefano, 14:39)
  • Tony: “Someone just got a real spot at our real club this weekend. Amazing.” (14:54)

2.2. Emily Wade (15:59–24:04)

• Set about her 66-year-old dad marrying a Ugandan bride “younger than me”, building to a joke about “sucking dad’s dick for a full ride to college.”
• She froze on stage for 10 seconds; Joe DeRosa found the moment genuine, offering actual advice:
  • “As you grow as a comic, you'll learn how to do that and not show it as much to the audience...” (Joe DeRosa, 19:05)
• The panel encouraged her to chase the truth in premises:
  • “You have great premises…don’t go for the shock value.” (DeRosa, 21:05)
• Emily revealed background—Boston to Miami to Austin, podcast host.
• Tony Hinchcliffe riffed:
  • “You just named two places nobody likes.”
• Emily describes her dad as a “chubby chaser” marrying a “very thick Ugandan,” with the panel riffing on the white-trash family dynamic.

2.3. Chris Reeves (25:00–30:56)

• Opened with the night’s most controversial set: child molestation and Epstein Island jokes.
• Tony: “I feel like all that material was written by you trying to actually, like, molest kids.” (26:06)
• Panel questions his history, lifestyle, and reluctance to shower (“You gotta do things to stand out. So I would suggest showering.” – DeRosa, 29:01)
• Reveals he’s a line cook at Torchy’s, lives with fellow comic Adam Lucky, and struggles with “social anxiety.”

2.4. Chen (31:22–41:37)

• Chen, a recurring performer, delivers rapid-fire trans jokes.
• Describes blending comedy and DJing, and banters about transition, family rejection, and being from Wuhan, China.
• Chris Distefano’s highlight: “Are your parents still alive or have they honor killed themselves?” (37:29)
• Tony to Chen: “What’s up with your dick and balls and everything?...let’s get to the stuff that everybody’s waiting for.” (35:03)
• Panel repeatedly jokes about their confusion over Chen’s gender and background.

2.5. Jared Nathan (42:12–50:13)

• Jared, a Kill Tony favorite, delivers a set thick with his signature stutter and self-deprecating humor.
• Tells of having his tricycle stolen in Canada, and wanting to be in Austin more.
• Tony: “What’s it like looking at yourself if you had one more chromosome?”
• Notably, it’s revealed post-set he’s actually sick—culminating in him vomiting in the green room and being carried out on a stretcher (covered later).

2.6. Soul (51:08–58:56)

• Asian adoptee with a deep Southern accent, riffs about being raised by "Bob and Donna," eating dogs, and being “American damn it, soy sauce and ranch.”
• Reveals Air Force background, now drives rideshare and cares for elderly parents.
• Panel kept mixing him up with Chen, referencing his ambiguous ethnic and regional identity.

2.7. Drew Santana (59:28–68:59)

• Opener about “tranny tripping over her dick” lands flat, but his “whips” joke (“I think it’s really ironic how black people call their cars whips...I’d never pull up with the homies in my taxis, you know?”) gets panel approval.
• Reveals he’s new to standup and miming, and the panel puts his flirting skills to the test in a tongue-in-cheek “incel training” with podcast regular Heidi (“Piss yourself, Drew.” – Tony, 65:47).

2.8. Peyton Ruddy (69:48–79:27)

• Young, self-deprecating comic from Chicago, now in Austin, with a routine about “Black Lives Matter” as a Tinder hobby.
• Tony, Chris, and Joe riff on Peyton’s roundness:
  • “You are one of the funniest people that have ever come on this stage with lunchables in their pockets before.” (Tony, 78:29)
• Chris books Peyton for his Dallas shows, joining Enrique.
• Peppered with “fat” jokes but receives high praise for pacing and material.
• Offered a slot on Redban’s Secret Show.

2.9. George Kratchik (Dorda “Georgia” Kirklich) (79:54–89:41)

• First time on stage, Montenegrin immigrant, homeless, delivers an intentionally edgy bit about “Montenegro” language and the “N word."
• Tony and the panel riff on his homelessness and rough edges: “6th Street Jesus...homeless for the last three, four months.”
• He plays guitar on stage for the crowd; Tony awards him a joke book to encourage writing, despite his "accidental racial slurs."

2.10. Bruno Oliveira (90:29–104:40)

• Australian (“but I look Mexican”) comic. Roasts himself about being mistaken for a cartel member or New Zealander depending on the continent.
• Panel fixates on his “prison eyes”, flat nose/head (theorized as boxing injuries or cocaine abuse), and his very “Mexican” resume.
• Tony draws on his head with a Sharpie, which smears due to sweat.
• Bruno tells a wild story about being drink-spiked, passing out at a urinal, and waking up bloody.

2.11. Luke Wright (105:14–114:39)

• “BBC (Badly Balding Caucasian)” with church/childhood trauma jokes, admits the crowd is “a dream come true”.
• Reveals work at an art gallery and previously at a migrant shelter, describes the complexities of the asylum process in Texas.
• Tony: “You seem like the kind of guy who loves, you know, hunting at a playground.”
• Panel jokes about him aging like "the homeless guy" and being both a “predator and victim.”

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3. Finale: William Montgomery (115:51–125:19)

• The show’s most prolific guest/comic, delivers non-sequitur punchy jokes about Bone Thugs, cleaning (and destroying) girls’ bathrooms, ultimate frisbee, and stoner inventions.
• Provides an on-the-scene report:
  • “Jared Nathan got wheeled out…he literally came up into the green room vomiting, sick as shit. They had to get him out in a stretcher out front.” (William, 116:59–117:42)
• Banter about failed pizza orders in Connecticut, mourning his girlfriend’s grandmother, and a running bit about sore throats from yelling.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Chris Distefano: “It stands for gay guy.” (04:38) – Roasting an audience member’s Gucci hat.
• Tony Hinchcliffe: "You look like Elliot Page if he was fat Mexican." (09:02)
• Joe DeRosa: “You have great premises...don't go for the shock value. Explore the truth.” (21:05)
• Chris Distefano to Enrique: “You want to do a spot on one of my shows in Dallas?” (14:39)
• Enrique Chacon: “My ass has been sore all day, but not because of any gay dude…I’ve been biking…” (12:43)
• Tony Hinchcliffe: "So you just found an art form where you can come out and say the N word a few times. Incredible." (82:55)
• Tony (to Bruno): "His head is so sweaty that it just eats the Sharpie alive." (100:06)
• Tony (re: Luke Wright): "You seem like the kind of guy that loves, you know, hunting at a playground." (112:17)
• William Montgomery (on Jared Nathan): "He literally came up into the green room vomiting, sick as shit...they had to get him out in a stretcher out front." (116:59–117:42)

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Noteworthy Segments by Timestamp

• Enrique Chacon gets booked by Chris Distefano: 14:39
• Emily Wade’s “full ride” joke and panel feedback: 16:00–21:56
• Chris Reeves’ “molestation” set and panel reaction: 25:00–26:46
• First on-stage “incel training” with Drew Santana & Heidi: 64:53–68:42
• Jared Nathan’s “stuttering and sick” saga: 42:12–50:13; update 116:59–117:42
• Bruno’s head roasted and drawn on, wild stories: 96:19–103:37
• William Montgomery’s closer with breaking news: 115:51–117:42

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Episode Tone

RAW, brutal, supportive, quick-witted, and sometimes off-the-rails. The interplay between Hinchcliffe, his panel, and contestants is both savage and life-changing—opportunities are handed out amid roasts, the barbs always outnumbering the handshakes. The show’s signature blend of support and ridicule was on full display.

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Final Notes

• Standout Competitors: Peyton Ruddy and Enrique Chacon (both booked for Chris Distefano’s Dallas shows)
• Unplanned Drama: Jared Nathan’s onstage illness and evacuation
• Themes: Self-acceptance (body image, sexuality, ethnicity), the relentless grind of entry-level comedy, and grit of Austin’s scene.
• Episode in a Sentence: A true circus of American standup, where anything can happen and did—tragedy, triumph, and jokes that will never be aired on cable.

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For an unfiltered ride through the emerging underbelly of American standup, tune in to the full episode—if you dare!

Transcript

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is Red Band and you're

[Joe DeRosa]

listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV and now on Spotify and Apple podcasts. If you want to check out Tony Hinchcliffe's website, go to tonyhinchcliff.com everything Golden Pony, including his tour dates at tonyhinchcliff.Com if you want to check out the Sunset Strip or get some Death Squad merch, go to Death Squad tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Redman coming to you

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

live from the comedy mothership here in

[Joe DeRosa]

Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Give it up for Tony Epsclan. Who's ready for the best Monday night of their lives, huh? Yeah, baby. Oh, my goodness. Mama, we made it. You are here. You guys did it. You're here. This is the number one live podcast in the world, Kill Tony, brought to you this week by hellofresh and Mando makes noise for Redband. Everybody. We've been doing this a long time. And how about one more time for the best stand band in the land. On the horns, the great Carlos Sosa, Fernando Castillo, Rahul Vallejo and Michael Gonzalez. On the drums, over here we have Matt Muling on the electric guitar playing a brand new guitar thanks to John Page, classic and the leader of the band, an undeniable. This is the great John Dees on the keys, everybody. Deep Madness is playing by himself at another venue that nobody knows about because he's blind. You know what I'm saying? We have a fun show lined up for you. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible.

[Chris Distefano]

The Sunset Strip Comedy club in Austin,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets. This podcast is brought to you by Send the vote. Folks, election day is coming up on November 5th and there's a website send the vote.org Tony that makes registering to vote easy. All you have to do is head over to send the vote.org Tony and they'll help you sign up, register and

[Joe DeRosa]

check if you're all set.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You can also text Tony to 33022 that's 33022 to learn more, that's T O N Y to 33022. Thanks to send the vote for sponsoring this podcast. Are you guys ready for the best fucking show you've ever seen, huh? Here we go. Anything can happen. I lined up two of the funniest guests that we've ever had on this show. Two of the funniest guests in the world, Two of my favorite comedians. Legends of New York here quite often because Austin is the new comedy capital of the world. Ladies and gentlemen, your guest tonight, two of the greatest. Make some noise for Chris d' Estefano and Joe derosa. Joe De Rosa. Oh, yeah, baby. 226 signups and two of my favorite guests of all time. What's up, Chris? Hello.

[Chris Distefano]

How you doing? Feeling good?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely, absolutely. We're going to have some fun tonight.

[Chris Distefano]

Yep, beautiful crowd.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There it is.

[Chris Distefano]

Great hat.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This guy wearing a Gucci bucket hat.

[Chris Distefano]

I know, dude, you really look like an idiot. It's unbelievable, but it's good. You're owning it and it's about confidence. Yeah, dude, no, don't pull it down. It makes it worse. But it's good. Good for you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is an incredible hat, Joe. Derissa, what do you think about how dumb this fucking guy looks?

[Joe DeRosa]

What are the GG's on it stand for?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, you're so poor and cheap.

[Chris Distefano]

It stands for the GG stands for gay guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's how I know what it means.

[Joe DeRosa]

What are the GG stand for?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Gucci. Gucci, you fucking free T shirt wearing motherfucker.

[Peyton Ruddy]

What?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You bought that?

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, I like that. You're wearing the thing your dad bought you at the no start. We just got out here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, Michael's playing those drums. X. Oh, he did not like me saying he just works out and plays the drums. One joke on Tony just. You angry little Mexican bastard. Look at this bad boy burrito back here. Jesus Christ. Spicy quesadilla tonight, huh? All right. Unbelievable. Oh, your dad bought you a shirt, Michael. Just. Shut the up back there, you.

[Joe DeRosa]

It's like a Tommy Lee solo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I made a joke about Michael during the commercial break and he's getting his revenge over here. I got my eyes on you, dude. All right. 226 signups tonight. The show is absolutely out of control. They're all waiting in a bar across the street. I pre pull a name and one of our lovely, lovely human beings goes and wrangles them from the bar across the street. In the meanwhile, you know how it works. If I put bring them up, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know, their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. Oh, fans of the kitten here tonight. That. Oh, it's Heidi. Heidi came up. Wow. I was wondering why the cat got a standing ovation in the room. Just wondering why all the guys have boners. Wasn't the sound of it. I thought you guys were just die hard fans of the show, popping for the cat, but turns out it was pussy. All right. While we wrangle our first bucket pool from across the street, ladies and gentlemen, we have a amazing golden ticket winner who we've watched grow on the show for about, geez Louise, five or six years. We originally found him in Houston, Texas, when he was just a very young buck. And here with a brand new minute, getting the stand up comedy portion of the show started. This is a brand new minute from golden ticket winner, the adorable and likable and lovely. Make some noise for Enrique Chacon, ladies and gentlemen. Here we go. Yo, yo, yo.

[Enrique Chacon]

What's up, motherfuckers? How we feeling tonight? Hell, yeah, man. I had to stop driving Uber Eats because I started abusing my own supply, hence the weight gain. And if I'm your Uber Eats driver and I've been dropping off McDonald's at your shitty college campus and you're only tipping me $0.86, I'm sorry, bro, but I will put my dick in your fish sandwich. Dude, at that point, that ain't tartar sauce anymore. That's tres leches. Now, you wondering why the McDonald's tastes so good this week? Where's this new recipe coming from? Oh, it's coming. It's coming from south of the border, bitch. But yeah, man, this is how I knew I got fat from Uber. I knew I got fat cause my girlfriend, she spontaneously started sucking my titties in the bedroom, bro. Big guys, anybody else get their titties sucked? Dude, man, dude, she started sucking my titties so good, bro. And ladies, I understand now. I was trying so hard not to

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

moan,

[Enrique Chacon]

And then she really started sucking, bro, and I turned into a little farm animal. And I never come so much in my life, y'. All. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Enrique Chacone with a pretty disgusting set.

[Enrique Chacon]

I'm nasty like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Coming with your titties, getting sucked on, nutting on someone's fish sandwich.

[Enrique Chacon]

Hey, Chris looks like he's into it, bro.

[Chris Distefano]

He gets knocked 100%, dude. Latinos, I'm in.

[Enrique Chacon]

Oh, bro, just letting you know, I am a man. You know what I mean?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right?

[Chris Distefano]

You kind of look. You kind of look like Elliot Page if he was fat Mexican.

[Enrique Chacon]

You know what? I'm so illegal. I don't know who the that is. But I. I'll receive it.

[Joe DeRosa]

Dude, Transphobe Joe, they wrote drive. You work for Uber Eats. You look like you eat Ubers,

[Enrique Chacon]

bro. Dude, I was abusing my Uber Eats orders. Joe. Joe, you look like the stepdad that sent me to fat camp, bro. I don't know, dude, it feels a little host, but yeah, man, I'm a big fan, bro. Used to do the Secret group and that's the club that I started in, bro.

[Bruno Oliveira]

But.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, that's great, man.

[Enrique Chacon]

Yeah, man.

[Joe DeRosa]

Thank you for the compliment, Joe DeRosa.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, Joe named it after his sexuality.

[Enrique Chacon]

Hey, you know what? I can't speak to that, bro, because you know, I have a non binary face, dude. I can't fucking speak to that shit.

[Joe DeRosa]

You really do, Alonzo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Looks pretty binary to me. I bet there's been a lot of ones and zeros that sat on that face. Oh, oh, a smart binary joke. I mean, you know, no big deal. Who's keeping track of. Who's keeping track of how.

[Enrique Chacon]

You know what, dude, I'm an avid ass eater, bro. It, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, what does that have to do with anything? I mean, no one even brought that up, but all right, I was going to guess ass was one of the only things you didn't eat, but here

[Enrique Chacon]

we are, clearly biggest on the menu, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Clearly there's calories, a heavy caloric you're eating out there. Is he wiping. Wipes the sweat from his morbidly.

[Enrique Chacon]

This is a prop, dude, because it's wet too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Enrique Chacon]

Yeah, exactly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why is it a prop? Explain what you mean.

[Enrique Chacon]

Oh, like, dude, I. Every time I do a punchline before the punchline, I wiped it, you know what I'm saying? And then I dropped the punchline, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that whole thing just soaked? Is the, is the, is the, is the back as wet as the front?

[Enrique Chacon]

It's not. It's not as wet as my back, but you know what I'm saying, It's. It's almost there, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go.

[Enrique Chacon]

It's almost there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude, you took the and you ran with it. Little Enrique, my little tiny baby boy.

[Enrique Chacon]

You know what I mean?

[Joe DeRosa]

Whenever you wipe the sweat off, does the crusted Cinnabon cream rehydrate and I,

[Enrique Chacon]

I save it to go and put it in my microwave later, you know? Hell yeah, dude. Oh, it looks like you've been wiping your hairline off, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, I'm sorry, Chuck. I'm sorry.

[Enrique Chacon]

I'm such a huge fan of you. I had to get one in.

[George Kratchik]

Oh my God.

[Joe DeRosa]

I deserve. I'll take it from the person this room was named after.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The fat man.

[Enrique Chacon]

Yeah. And all these people came inside me, so. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. You dirty little beach ball. Enrique. You're a little wild boy.

[Enrique Chacon]

Yeah, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what else are you really doing? Uber Eats now? Is that what's happening?

[Enrique Chacon]

I had to stop doing it. I did it for like a week and I was like, man, this shit. Cuz I had some time before I hit the road on the weekend.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Enrique Chacon]

But, yeah, that's when I started doing it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're just driving on, you're picking. You smell the food.

[Enrique Chacon]

You smell the food.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're driving around and you're smelling.

[Enrique Chacon]

So my weight gain is not my fault, dude. It's Uber Eats.

[Chris Distefano]

You look good, though, dude. You don't look. You look good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What happened? What are you talking saying?

[Chris Distefano]

He doesn't, you know, he's hating on himself. He's not. It's not that bad. How old are you?

[Bruno Oliveira]

28.

[Chris Distefano]

You're gonna make it to. You'll make it to 30.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

It's not terrible.

[Enrique Chacon]

Hey, Chris, you sound like my Planet Fitness trainer, Doug.

[Chris Distefano]

I know, I know, dude. Look like a planet.

[Enrique Chacon]

Yeah, bro.

[Chris Distefano]

All right, what do you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do? What do you do? Anything to work out and at all.

[Enrique Chacon]

My ass has been sore all day, bro. But not because of any gay dude. I've been biking, right? And, dude, man, my taint is destroyed right now, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why would that be?

[Enrique Chacon]

I don't know. This seat, man. Something about the seat just makes my ass.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What are you on a unicycle? What are we talking about here? The seat of your car, dog?

[Enrique Chacon]

Just been biking. I've been biking like six. Six miles, Five miles a day. You know, I'm just playing every other day, bro. I'm not biking six miles a day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's incredible.

[Chris Distefano]

But, yeah, dude, I'd love to see those tires.

[Enrique Chacon]

Have you ever seen a Ford F150 outside?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness. It's a low rider,

[Enrique Chacon]

but yeah, I was biking with my disabled friend. He has a bum knee, bro. He said we were gonna do 15 miles. I was like, fuck it. If he's disabled, I could do it. Hell no. He beat me, man.

[Bruno Oliveira]

He beat me.

[Chris Distefano]

Dude, Stephen Hawking could beat you.

[Enrique Chacon]

I his ass up, bro.

[Chris Distefano]

He's dead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But anything else crazy going on in life, Enrique?

[Enrique Chacon]

Yeah, man. Since I quit my job, right, I've been hitting the road pretty hard, so I'm booked out to December, so that's fucking good news, right? And look at.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yeah, man.

[Enrique Chacon]

Just out here doing it, bro. Taking all these little clubs, you know, I've been on the road with Heath Cordes and Rick Diaz.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it.

[Enrique Chacon]

So, yeah, man, we have a few dates, but we did Philadelphia last week, bro, and that shit was cool. We ran up the Rocky steps. You know where Rocky was doing his. I was playing. I didn't run it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, took the Rocky road, you son of a bitch.

[Enrique Chacon]

I know what I'm getting on my Uber eats order later tonight. I know.

[Joe DeRosa]

Can I give you a tip of advice for a man that sweats the way you do, Wear one shirt.

[Enrique Chacon]

Hey, look, man, it's either sweat or titties, bro. And I don't see any dollar bills.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness.

[Enrique Chacon]

Wow.

[Chris Distefano]

Do you live. Do you live in around here?

[Enrique Chacon]

Yeah, I live in Austin.

[Chris Distefano]

This weekend I'm doing shows in Dallas. Do you want to do a spot on one of the shows?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, look at that, Enrique.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Look at that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Got a real gig out of it. Amazing stuff. There he goes. Enrique Chacon, ladies and gentlemen.

[Jared Nathan]

Thank you.

[Chris Distefano]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And the show has begun. Someone just got a real spot at our real club this weekend. Sold out show with Chris Distepano. How cool is that? Amazing.

[Chris Distefano]

Do it, man. We're gonna stock up the green room for him. We'll get them going.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. Maybe me too.

[Joe DeRosa]

That kid.

[Chris Distefano]

I know he does have a nice fat ass.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a meat meat trace,

[Chris Distefano]

too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Me dose. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, here we go. To the bucket we go. Your first bucket pull of the night, ladies and gentlemen. This is where we meet someone. All together. Any can happen could make them a star. They could embarrass themselves. They could be great. They could suck. Their minute might suck, but their interview could be great. Their minute could be great. Their interview might suck. Ladies and gentlemen, the whole thing is improvised. Anything can happen. Make some noise for your first bucket poll of the night. Emily Wade, everybody. A new minute from Emily Wade.

[Emily Wade]

What's up, Kill Tony. How are you doing tonight? My name's Emily Wade. I'm 26. My dad's 66. And recently he married a Ugandan mail order bride who's younger than me, which has been great for my mental health, let me tell you that. Which is great for my mental health. Most people go to sleep at night. They count sheep, they count cows jumping over the moon. Me, I count the amount of times my dad's gotten sloppy from somebody who's still watching SpongeBob on repeat. And I come every time. Let me tell you, he does all this shit for this bitch that he never did for me. He paid for her rent, he paid for her car, he paid for her college. I had to drop out twice because I couldn't afford to go back to school. If I had known that's all it would take, I'd have sucked the fuck out of my dad's dick years ago. Talk about a full fucking ride now. Don't worry, my dad knows I do that joke. He actually came up to me after my set. He goes, emily, I just want you to know everything you said tonight is absolutely true. How would you feel about going back to college? And I'm excited to announce I'll be starting at YouTube.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, the bear has come out. Oh, a full set and then some from Emily Wade. Hello, Emily. Welcome to the Kill Tony universe. How do you feel after that?

[Emily Wade]

You know, I shouldn't have stopped for 10 seconds, but it is what it is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You did do that, and there's nothing you can do to change that. That is incredible. It will live in history, and you're realizing it and still living in it right now.

[Emily Wade]

I can.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The same nervousness that happened that made that happen still exists right now to you.

[Emily Wade]

Oh, I'm in it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. How long you been doing st stand up, Emily?

[Emily Wade]

I've been doing comedy for a year.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

One year. You from here in Austin?

[Emily Wade]

I'm originally from Boston. I just moved here from Miami, Florida.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Originally from Boston. You just named two places that nobody likes. Congratulations. Absolutely amazing. Amazing. What do you do for a living, Emily?

[Emily Wade]

I have a stand up comedy podcast with my best friend called Two Girls One Blunt podcast.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, there you go. For those of you that like unbelievable breaks of silence during your podcast, be sure to listen to that one. Or you could listen to nothing. It's kind of the same thing. Guys, what do you think about Emily?

[Joe DeRosa]

I actually, Emily, I thought the most important part of your set, and I'm not being funny, I thought the most important.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We know.

[Joe DeRosa]

You know, Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. This guy calls me 30 minutes ago, goes, I'm in a jam. Can you please come down here for the show?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I did not say I'm in a jam.

[Joe DeRosa]

You said you're in a pickle. Well, that was up your ass. I come down, you all over me. I mean, it's.

[Jared Nathan]

What the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Joe, we're 10 minutes into the podcast. You can't have a meltdown already. Oh, this is in the whole one fun fact. For those of you there's no way you could know, but Joe and I drink together a few Nights a week. And we. We have an outrageous amount of fun.

[Joe DeRosa]

Are we going to drink tonight a little bit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ye. Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Makes up for all the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All the hurt.

[Joe DeRosa]

All the hurt goes away at the bar. No, I was gonna say this. I actually thought the most important part of your set was when you did stop. No, I'm serious. I'm very serious. Because it was you going, fuck. And it was. You were like, nope, fuck. And you took a minute or ten seconds for yourself. And that's important that you'll go. As you grow as a comic, you'll learn how to do that and not show it as much to the audience. But that's important that you had that comfort level, you can call it nervousness, whatever, that you were able to go, you know what? No, fuck it. Hold on, give me a second. I gotta. Whatever. I don't know. I thought that was good. And I think you have. Go ahead, clap.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Joe DeRosa]

And I also think that you have great premises. And this is advice somebody gave me once and it changed the way I wrote. You have great premises.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. The advice Joe got. And then he stopped doing comedy and opened up his sandwich shop. So that was the advice. That was the advice.

[Joe DeRosa]

They were like, please do something else.

[Chris Distefano]

They're like, you know what? You'd be better at cold cuts.

[Emily Wade]

I am this close to opening a hot dog stand. Fucking try me.

[Chris Distefano]

I honestly, I honestly thought.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perfect.

[Chris Distefano]

I honestly, Emily, I thought one year you've been doing it.

[Emily Wade]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. I think like, that it's amazing for you to even come up and be able to do this and then. And to recover, you know, after you stop in recovery. It was amazing. And I just, you know, I really think you're awesome. And me, you know, me and your dad would love to hang out with you after this.

[Emily Wade]

I'm trying to get into UT Austin. So let's fucking go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's do it.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, but I was gonna say, you have these great premises with this real story. Don't go for the shock value. Not true punchlines. Like, explore the truth of it. And there's a lot of really funny shit in there.

[Emily Wade]

You know what's crazy? Everybody says that, but I'm a 12 year old boy at heart and I think about setting sex all the time. So, like, is that not my truth?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

With.

[Joe DeRosa]

With your dad? That might be a problem.

[Chris Distefano]

What?

[Joe DeRosa]

I don't know. I can't. We can't get too deep. Jesus.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I got hard and soft at the same time there. I'm a 12 year old boy and then What a crash after that. You know what I mean? Yeah. People tell you that. Comedians tell you that, is what you're saying.

[Emily Wade]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Comedians that are a lot more experienced than you and wildly successful, probably.

[Emily Wade]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. So I would listen to them.

[Emily Wade]

Maybe there's some truth to it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So let's talk real for a second about this Ugandan woman that your father is.

[Emily Wade]

Yeah, my stepmother.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's your stepmom.

[Emily Wade]

They got married.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Emily Wade]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is she hot? Yes, she's a hot. Very black woman.

[Emily Wade]

Yeah. Very thick. My dad's a chubby chaser. He loves to overshare. He was always like, emily, I love thick booty bitches. They called me a chubby chaser. I was like, dad, why didn't they just call you a it like normal kids?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There it is. There it is. That's an interesting drop there. I like to save a good for a good, good time. I don't know why chasing a thick girl would make him a.

[Chris Distefano]

Here. Is your mom, stepmom, and dad here in the country? Well, like, they didn't come to watch you?

[Emily Wade]

No, they did not come to watch me, unfortunately.

[Chris Distefano]

That's wild. This woman would rather stay in a Ugandan village than watch me.

[Emily Wade]

So she lives here now?

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, she does? Okay.

[Emily Wade]

Yep. She moved in with my dad. No, he paid for her visa too.

[Chris Distefano]

Paid for a visa.

[George Kratchik]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay. Yeah, but that's nice. So he seems like a good guy.

[Emily Wade]

Yeah. I wish he gave me more, except for, you know, abandonment issues. But here we are.

[Chris Reeves]

Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well. Well, you got take what you can get. You know what I mean? So what was it like when your dad brought home Aunt Jemima for the first time? What do you mean? It's a black woman. What show do you think you went to tonight, huh? What are you going to?

[Joe DeRosa]

There it is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What, do you want me to bring out Jimmy Fallon right now?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You want to hear a 10 minute monologue from Jimmy Fallon? How did you let me do my fucking Aunt Jemima? Reference difference.

[Chris Distefano]

How'd you feel?

[Emily Wade]

Can. Can you ask a question again?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, it is really. There was no. I just wanted to do that joke. There's not a real answer.

[Chris Distefano]

What was the joke? Go ahead.

[Chen]

What was the joke?

[Emily Wade]

Well, he said. No, it's fine. You can't explain a joke that's gay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why not? Well, what's amazing is that you're so white. You're like, like angelic, like doll type of like. Like white trash doll.

[Emily Wade]

Yeah. My dad does live in a trailer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Emily Wade]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. With a Ugandan.

[Emily Wade]

With a Ugandan she moved out because it wasn't nice enough for her, so

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

he bought her a visa. Wait, she moved? Hold on. She moved out of the. Where did she go?

[Emily Wade]

I mean, she started in a mud hut. She moved to a trailer. And she's like, no, I need a high rise.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Emily Wade]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely incredible. Well, Emily, congratulations. You got the show started. Out of the bucket. Here's a little joke book. Oh, wow. That was amazing. It almost went in Joe's can of liquid death. It almost. There she goes, Ladies and gentlemen, Emily Wade. And it has begun. You get it. Anything can happen. Someone could make it on this show, or what you just saw could happen to you. You could go silent. The pressure can get to these people. Make some noise for your next bucket. Pull a brand new minute from Chris Reeves, everybody. Chris Re.

[Chris Reeves]

So I was thinking the other day, just pondering, thinking to myself, were there any retarded kids on Epstein Island? Like, do you think there's retarded kids on Epstein Island? Yeah. And can I ask you another question? Do you think it's better to molest the normal kid or a retarded kid? You don't have an answer, pussy. I'll tell you because there is a right answer. It's retarded kid for sure.

[Chen]

You agree

[Chris Reeves]

it's retarded kid for two reasons. Reason number one, they're too goofy to testify. Where'd he touch you? I like fire truck. And reason number two, a lot more drool. Yeah. I don't know if you ever fucked dry a kid hole, but it's annoying.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Holy shit. Chris Reeves. I feel like all that material was written by you trying to actually, like, molest kids. Okay. Wow.

[Chris Reeves]

You got to do the research.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. All right. Holy. How are you, Chris? You've been on this show before?

[Chris Reeves]

Yeah, I've done the show a couple times. I've been doing good lately.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old are you?

[Chris Reeves]

I'm 25.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

25. How long you been doing stand up?

[Chris Reeves]

Seven years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Seven years. Wow. So you started when you were 18?

[Chris Reeves]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Were you ever molested?

[Chris Reeves]

Oh, we talked about this a couple times. Hell yeah. Really goddamn right. Molested and proud.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Chris Reeves]

I'm one of those retarded kids I was talking about.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it seems like it. Unbelievable. I don't remember our molestation talks. I thought it was a risk asking that question.

[Chris Reeves]

Yeah, yeah. Well, we talked about it. Just got really sad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. Why did it get sad?

[Chris Reeves]

I don't know.

[Chen]

Did you get sad?

[Chris Reeves]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No. You like it?

[Chris Reeves]

Yeah, I was having fun since I

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

got Molested, right, Exactly. You enjoy.

[Chris Reeves]

I was jerking him off. I'm like, yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Chris. All right, Chris. Settle down.

[Joe DeRosa]

Tony, where. Where does comedy go from here? Where? What's happening? I'm fucking my dad. Molesting retarded kids.

[Chris Distefano]

What's happening?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

I remember a guy would come out and talk about Tide.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Something.

[Chris Distefano]

I feel like we're all gonna get, like, subpoenaed one day for, like, people are, like, admitting crimes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You got the peanut part right.

[Chris Distefano]

That's true.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, Chris, tell us more. What are you doing for work? What's going on with your life?

[Chris Reeves]

I live in San Marcos and I'm a cook at a Torchy's right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Holy. All right. Yep. Okay, cool. Halfway to hell.

[Chris Reeves]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is incredible. What do you love about your life? What do you do for fun other than stand up?

[Chris Reeves]

What do I love about my life

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

other than stand up?

[Chris Reeves]

I don't really like the stand apart that much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why don't you?

[Chris Reeves]

I don't know. I live with my best friend.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold on. Tell us about what you just said. Why don't you like the stand apart that much?

[Chris Reeves]

It's just too many fucking weirdos, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're one of them, that's why. You mean there's too many people trying? Scene is overwhelmed with a lot of people. The open mics aren't quite as open as they once were. You've been here for a bit, right? A few years. Where are you originally from?

[Chris Reeves]

I'm from Tacoma, Washington.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And how long have you been in Texas?

[Chris Reeves]

I moved here about four years ago.

[Luke Wright]

Okay.

[Chen]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you've watched the Explosion and what you're talking about is that what you get less spots? How does this affect.

[Chris Reeves]

Oh, no, it's just too many people. I don't like being.

[Soul]

Being around.

[Chris Reeves]

A lot of people have social anxiety, I guess.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, you picked the right industry for that, for sure.

[Joe DeRosa]

It's tough. There is a lot of competition. You gotta do things to stand out. So I would suggest showering.

[Chris Distefano]

I do. You do? I think he's got good hair.

[Chen]

Oh, thank you.

[Chris Distefano]

I like it. It is. I mean, it doesn't look clean, but that's kind of like a look, you know? Right. Lean to it, dude. Lean into it. Lean into it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris Reeves]

I won't take showers anymore, dude.

[George Kratchik]

Dude.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, dude, it. What's the difference?

[Chris Reeves]

The most handsome guy on the stage is telling me.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, dude, absolutely. To the kids. Yeah. What? How old your roommate.

[Chris Reeves]

How old is my roommate? Yeah, he's like 32. He works here It's Adam, Lucky.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. Yeah, we know Adam very well. Okay, so what do you guys do for fun? You love being his roommate so much? You guys play video games?

[Chris Reeves]

I watch him play video games. We watch movies all the time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys smoke pot together?

[Chris Reeves]

No, I don't smoke pot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You don't? You look like that. That.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's amazing, by the way.

[Joe DeRosa]

You saying I watch him play video games was creepier than the kid. Jo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, sober too. You're just sober, sitting there just watching him play video, like, good job. That's scary, dude. Why are you sober?

[Chris Reeves]

Why am I sober? I just don't smoke weed. I do everything else pretty much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. Wow, look at that. Amazing.

[Chris Distefano]

Why do you have all the mark you have? Look, you get bit by bugs. You have like.

[Chris Reeves]

No, I'm a cook, so I burn myself a lot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, you burn yourself a lot. Incredible. It's amazing.

[Chris Distefano]

You're intentional.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're bad at it. Yeah, it's amazing. Somewhere out there, Emily orders some tacos. This fucking guy burns himself making them. And Enrique picks them up and delivers him. What a weird world we're living in. In where you're to know the life of your bucket pulls throughout the day. All right, Chris. Well, you already have a joke book.

[Chris Reeves]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, well, there he goes, Chris, re. Let's keep it moving along, huh? Let's fly through it. You guys having fun out there, huh? All right, your next comedian's been on before. Make some noise for the return, a brand new minute from Chen. Ladies and gentlemen, the return of Chen. We know Chen.

[Chen]

My friends used to call me gay. When I came out as trans, they begged me to go back to being gay. Apparently, if you suck a dick, it's pretty gay, but if you're sucking a dick while wearing a dress, that makes it super gay. Sometimes people ask me, hey, are you trans? And I would go, guess. But if you guess it wrong, I'll have to fist you. And lastly, it's not easy being trans. So sometimes I joke with my boyfriend about how much easier it would be for me to transition from a taker to a giver. He immediately offered to help me transition from alive to dead. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fuck yeah, Chen. Having the Texas crowd very confused right now. I love it. There's nothing people from Texas love more than. Than a trans Eskimo coming up and talking about sucking dicks while wearing dresses. This is incredible. Chen, welcome back to the show.

[Chen]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good to see you again. We see each other a lot around. You're always up and down 6th Street. And so welcome, welcome. You've been on the show multiple times, and how is it going?

[Chen]

I've been doing comedy, but I'm actually also doing DJing on every Tuesday night. Shows next door at Shakespeare's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, what type of music do you play? Do you start with, like, cool, manly stuff and then get into female stuff as the night goes on?

[Chen]

No, I actually have different tracks for different. Like, so obviously I have to have all the ethnic stuff.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Right.

[Chen]

Like lowriders if a Mexican gets on, or like, some of.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that how it works?

[Chen]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And just wait to see who walks in.

[Chen]

Yes. And it's kind of messed up because sometimes I look at the guest of the list of comedians and then. And then it's like, suddenly they have a drop in. And that was just about to hit one ethnic song, and they were like, nope, not that one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, so what would you play of these two blatant white guys that look like they holstered their guns in their truck before coming here? This place, what would you play if they want, what do we got?

[Chen]

Our centeria or.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They're both nodding yes. They like this idea. You got them both nodded at the same time.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Yeah.

[Chen]

And the other one would be, depending on how goofy they look, sometimes I play the new Scooby Doo theme song for them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, look at you. Scooby Dooby Doo.

[Joe DeRosa]

But wait, I don't understand. You're saying you play songs when people walk into the bar to stand?

[Chen]

No, for, like, comedians going up and off stage. So, like, introduction music.

[Joe DeRosa]

They do shows at Shakespeare's?

[Luke Wright]

Yes.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[Chen]

Okay, I. I wish. I wish I have a band like this, but sometimes.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, I see.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I bet you do. God damn right. Wouldn't everybody like a band like this? Okay, so I get it. So you're playing comedians up. You're DJing at the Comedy show.

[Chen]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you're not doing, like, DJ sets?

[Chen]

Not DJ sets.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. So not full songs. I get it.

[Chen]

Learning of a comedy helps because I can do comedic timing with them if they're really struggling.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what's up with your dick and balls and everything? Let's get to the stuff that everybody's waiting for. Of course.

[Emily Wade]

I'm sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I was gonna try to make a smooth transition, but you're clearly not, so let's jump right into it.

[Chen]

Okay, I guess. Guess tits are the tits.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tits are tits. We've had a couple of those on. No, no, no, no.

[Chris Reeves]

Not like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm saying Enrique and Chris Reeves both had tits in Fact. Everybody's had tits that's been on this stage tonight.

[Chen]

No, I meant it. At some point, it actually feels better than dick.

[Bruno Oliveira]

To what?

[Chen]

Tits. At some point, tits do feel better than dick.

[Joe DeRosa]

What the Are you talking.

[Chris Distefano]

What do you mean?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You just transitioned from white to Asian. Yeah, Tit feel better than D. All right, Bobby. She. Let's get back to it. Tits. Having tits feels better than having a dick sometimes. Is that what you're saying?

[Chen]

The sensitivity.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, the sensitivity. Oh, you ask a very wise question. I sheath my sword between my legs.

[Joe DeRosa]

I rej the comedy show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You can no longer find my katana. Na na na na.

[Joe DeRosa]

By the way. By the way. Hitting play and pause on Spotify on an iPhone. As a comic that's not DJing. Let's not get carried. He's talking like he's fucking Kid Cudi.

[Chris Distefano]

On, Right, okay.

[Chen]

It's not DJing, but I do use audacity to make sure because, you know, like, PE comedians go on stage. It only takes, like, what, 10 seconds, 15 seconds? How do I get to the good part where people will actually.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Long time.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, let's get back to the transition thing somehow. We went back to DJing. I want to keep moving forward here. So what's going on with all that stuff? T Feel better than dick. What's next?

[Chen]

Well, Al. Well, all. Well. Okay. And I guess when I feel really horny, I do feel like, a pressure in the gooch area.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us more about that. Everybody here wants to know. The Santeria guys are vomiting in their cups right now.

[Jared Nathan]

What the fuck is this show? This is fucking disgusting.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

God damn it.

[Chris Distefano]

Have your. Have your. Are your parents still alive or have they honor killed themselves?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They have transitioned to dead.

[Chen]

Well, my biological father haven't been returning my texts, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And my. Wow, that tracks.

[Chen]

And my mom wants me to be normal, whatever normal means. And she wants my hair on a platter for her birthday, which I think.

[Chris Distefano]

No, normal is. You don't. Are you a guy? Wait, are you born a male or a female? Because you're one of those trans. I don't know which way when I'm trying to figure out, did you go male to female, female to male? I respect both your choices, but I just don't know. It's male to female, male to female. Okay, cool. Cause you're kind of in between, but I respect it. I know. Hey, I like that shit. So you know what I mean? I've never thought I'd meet the trans Mulan.

[Jared Nathan]

And

[Chris Distefano]

this is what Disney wants. This is what they get. And I support Disney. I have a special coming out on

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hulu in February, so It's a great 100%.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So how's it going, the transition? What's the next move for you? Dad's leaving you on red?

[Chen]

I guess in the way, I'm looking for other outlets to. Make it seem like it's all worth it.

[Soul]

Right.

[Chen]

Because I have to prove to my parents that I can stand on my own.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, right.

[Chen]

Because there's no other way to convince them I'm dead to them unless I'm somebody.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Right?

[Chen]

So it's like.

[Chris Distefano]

No, yeah, you are somebody. You're just somebody that put their dick in a Chinese finger trap, but that's fine.

[Chen]

And the harder you pull.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[Joe DeRosa]

You want to know the craziest part about his transition? This guy used to be white. You know, folks,

[Chen]

I am raised by a white stepfather, if that explains anything.

[Joe DeRosa]

Okay, okay.

[Chen]

Yeah.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Right.

[Chen]

What would that explain if I sound white sometimes or like white things, I guess.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. So your mom and dad separated when you were young?

[Chen]

Yes, when I was three.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Chen]

And Chen was my original last name when I was first born into this world.

[Soul]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've even.

[Chen]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Even transition names at some point in your life.

[Chen]

In a way, it's for me to reconnect with my past.

[Chris Distefano]

Were you born in. Were you born in China?

[Chen]

Yes, I was born in Wuhan.

[Chris Distefano]

Were you really?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow. Is there anything not wrong with you? This guy's like. I've seen enough. God damn it. Son of a bitch. Wow. Okay, okay. When did you come here from Wuhan?

[Chen]

I was born in Wuhan and I grew up in Southern China until I was 10, and then I moved to America and grew up in New Mexico.

[Chris Distefano]

Let me ask you a question. Was your father Dr. Fauci, did he also make you in a lab?

[Chen]

No, no, no. He's just a middle management white guy, I guess.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, it's good that you transitioned female here because they would have killed you for that in China. No girls.

[Chen]

Maybe that's why. Requires some sort of deception to come out. Not get killed first.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Then.

[Chris Distefano]

Are you a spy?

[Bruno Oliveira]

No.

[Chen]

No.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay. Cause I.

[Chen]

You know how they kill, like, female babies? Yes, exactly. That's what I meant.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, John. Jesus. I just want him to know I love it. Okay, Chen, you have a joke book already? You've been on the show numerous times. There goes Chen, everyone.

[Chen]

Thank you.

[Joe DeRosa]

Nice. Keep going.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, we have a special treat for y', all, ladies and gentlemen. Going up, one of the elite golden Ticket winners of the history of the show from Toronto, Canada. Ladies and gentlemen, here's a brand new minute from the great Jared Nathan, everybody. Here he is.

[Jared Nathan]

What's up the ship? I was on Amazon today, woke up electronics tronics. I found an explosive deals on on. Pages and cell phones.

[Joe DeRosa]

They only

[Jared Nathan]

shipped to Lebanon. I was too scared to call customer service. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, Jared Nathan. That stutter's getting pretty thick and girthy over there, I gotta tell ya.

[Jared Nathan]

I gotta run with it, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okie dokie.

[Jared Nathan]

It's a fox me turn sometimes I got swim up stream.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know.

[Joe DeRosa]

I think it's great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Joe, if you've ever wondered what you're like after the 15 drinks we have at night, that's basically what I deal with. Tony, why you going home? I ever tell you about how much I enjoyed that night in Madison Square Garden?

[Jared Nathan]

I sound a lot better.

[Chris Distefano]

Nice.

[Jared Nathan]

Better than you look, Joe.

[Enrique Chacon]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Joe DeRosa]

Thank you. I felt every word of that.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Jared Nathan]

Sorry, man. Sometimes. Sometimes I think people need a shower.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, I thought you were going to say shut the up right there. I was wrong. You threw me off.

[Jared Nathan]

Let's switch it up. Sometimes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Goddamn right. Goddamn right. I have the Hard R award that you bestowed upon me at Madison Square Garden. Which gives me permission, I believe, to say the words. What? What do I get? What is that? What does that mean? I never really got. Okay, very good. Good. Which I freely used before. But now I.

[Jared Nathan]

To Rosa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Now I think about you. When I do it, I feel like I have permission to do it. It's sitting with all my other trophies from the amaz. Many other amazing things that I'm great at. And it sits there, the Hard R Award for you.

[Jared Nathan]

Sometimes it takes one and no one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You son of a. You son of a.

[William Montgomery]

Of a.

[Enrique Chacon]

Yes, I am.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's going on, Jared? Tell us more about your actual life. You enjoying Austin, Texas?

[Jared Nathan]

Enjoy Austin, Texas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You living here? What are you doing?

[Jared Nathan]

I come here time and time. I'm trying to come in more often. I'm working on my Visa Y right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh.

[Jared Nathan]

And I'm starting to.

[Chris Reeves]

Yeah.

[Jared Nathan]

I want to come here more often. I love Austin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Canada doesn't let you just do whatever the fuck you want.

[Jared Nathan]

It's a communist country, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is, it is. You're hearing it straight from the source.

[Jared Nathan]

Some fucked up thing that happened to me before I came here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us.

[Jared Nathan]

I had my fucking tricycle stolen. Yes, I rode a trike. I don't. I'm not afraid.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of trike was This a true tricycle.

[Jared Nathan]

It was a Schwinn old school. Two tricycle, four wheels, Schwinn.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Four wheels, Schwinn. It was four wheels or one on

[Jared Nathan]

two wheels back, Right? Three wheel. Sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Three wheel.

[Jared Nathan]

Three wheel.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, absolutely, absolutely. So this was in Canada. You're out riding your tricycle?

[Chen]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And where did you park it? Where did some slimy Canadian get their hands on your tricycle? You were at a school?

[Jared Nathan]

No, I was not at a school.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, where were you?

[Jared Nathan]

Locked it up right behind, like a parking lot. Right behind a building that my mom

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

owns down A what?

[Jared Nathan]

That my mom owns a building?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus Christ. What the is going on with you tonight?

[Joe DeRosa]

Can I mean, can I point out this glass was empty before he started.

[Chris Distefano]

Dude, he is work. That's crazy.

[Jared Nathan]

My mom owns a building that used to store my bike at and some ableist. Cut the chain and.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it's probably just a middle school kid. It was probably not like a gangster her or anything. Yeah.

[Jared Nathan]

Jody Rosa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness. How dare you? How dare you cut around. What's it like looking at yourself if you had one more chromosome? It's amazing, right? You're so close to that. And Joe, you're so close to that. I mean, it's unbelievable. Look at that. It's before and slightly after.

[Jared Nathan]

Who's worse?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know the answer to that. Jody Rosa. That's right. No doubt about it. No doubt about it.

[Joe DeRosa]

I accept that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Jared Nathan]

But despite my track being stolen, I've been doing shows all over Canada.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Yeah.

[Jared Nathan]

Check it out on Seren Comedy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Shutting down and Serenading Comedy.

[Jared Nathan]

Check out my dates and Jared Nathan comedy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What? What? You're a little bit more stuttery and you're a little more than usual. I'm gonna be honest with you. I don't know what's going on. What?

[Jared Nathan]

I've been kind of sick for a couple days.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've been sick?

[Jared Nathan]

I've been sick.

[Joe DeRosa]

Just ton of.

[Chris Distefano]

I've never been happier to be in my seat. You're getting it all.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jared. What the would make you come here if you're sick? This is what? This is karma. This is why your tricycle got stolen, Jared. You're out here not caring about others.

[Jared Nathan]

The show always has to go on, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no, no. It doesn't always have to go on. It doesn't always have to go on. You're going to get everybody sick. Which is a good thing for the guy in the douchey Gucci hat, but a bad thing for everybody else around does.

[Joe DeRosa]

What were Your symptoms.

[Bruno Oliveira]

I took.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He wasn't before this. So Derosa is about to hit a whole new low over here.

[Jared Nathan]

I just been puking and feel like. So, like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, put the mic in the mic stand.

[Chris Distefano]

Jesus Christ.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are we going to switch mics? We have a mic switch that we can do.

[Chris Distefano]

I'd rather low ch than it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jared, put them. Get out of here.

[Joe DeRosa]

God, you just hugged me too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You hugged me. We have to make sure people aren't sick from now on, because I guess that's not a thing. There he goes.

[Chen]

Go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Go home, Jared. Go home and get better. Lord Almighty, there is Jared Nathan been spit everywhere. How about a hand for the lovely Heidi, Am I right? Just unbelievable. Is that a new mic or the same one? Oh, it's clean. She's wiping it all off. How about another hand for Heidi, everybody? All right, your next comedian out of the bucket. One word name, that's always fun. Let's see what happens here. The comedy styling of Soul, everybody. SOL S O U L.

[Soul]

What's up? Kill Tony. If Jared didn't give you all Covid, I'm here to make sure it sticks. Is he okay on this mic? I appreciate it. Any adoptees in the house? Joe, I know. Okay. Yeah. That's what happens when you fail the SAT. I got a 2400. I was three years old. I thought that shit was pretty good. Not good enough for Asian parents. Fuck that, man. Ship your ass to America. You know the only people that can afford you are white people. Thank you, Bob and Donna. Any white people that grab Bob and Donna. Thank you, man. Thank you. Shit, we'll eat anything, man. So when you think about the bedroom. Ladies, ladies, get with the nation. I don't care what you think about our fucking small dick stereotype. My people eat dogs. I'll tear a little kitty up. So, you know, like, we will do whatever it takes. Fuck that. It's not always like fresh fellas. It's not H E B. You know, Sometimes it's discount bottom row sushi. So I keep soy sauce packets in my pocket just to flavor it up. I'm cool. I'm an American, damn it. Soy sauce and ranch.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Whatever.

[Soul]

See, I'll eat that cat. Thank you all. Kill Tony Soul,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

incredible to see.

[Soul]

How you doing, Tony?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Big fan. The same night you went backstage, got a haircut in your back. It's Chen, everybody. Chen has decided to please her father. You've chosen the right path.

[Soul]

I'm a real boy, Tony. I'm not. I'm not Chen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love Chen with the Racist Chinese music. Guys. Oh, it's you now. You guys switched. It's unbelievable, the racism up here. So how are you today? No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Sol, you've been on this show before. I remember your face. Space.

[Soul]

Yes, sir. We've met outside the show, but I've followed you guys since HEB Arena New Year's. I live in Gatlinburg, Tennessee, but I come and, you know, use my VA benefit very well. Drive up here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Which army? Vietnam. What branch of the military were you vaccinated?

[Soul]

Americans. No, I. I was in the chair. Force. Air Force.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Air Force.

[Soul]

Shout out to y'.

[Peyton Ruddy]

All.

[Soul]

Hey, see, ah, real soldier over there, Kamikaze he.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did you do in the Air Force? Remind us.

[Soul]

Oh, no, I've never been on the show. You've just always seen me out and about because I've been following you to every.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay.

[Soul]

Every arena show that I could with Sarge, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Great. So what did you do in the Air Force?

[Soul]

Customer service. I worked at chow hall. What now they call it a dining facility. To be politically correct, I just served fried rice. Rice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okie dokie. What do you do for work now, Sol?

[Soul]

When I'm out here, I'll like, rent a ride share car and I'll drive people around. So I'm at the Austin airport 25 times a week.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Yeah, driver that everybody hates to pull up to.

[Soul]

Quit canceling your rides.

[Joe DeRosa]

I just noticed your Southern accent too. I thought it was Asian the whole time. And then I was like, oh, no, that's a Southern. Southern. You have a little draw. I just noticed it.

[Soul]

It just. I'm a chameleon. I've been traveling so much. But, you know South Korean. I don't know.

[Chris Distefano]

That's why it's Seoul.

[Soul]

Exactly.

[Chris Distefano]

It's soul.

[Soul]

Like, I play a lot of urban rooms, you know, when you said a

[Joe DeRosa]

guy named Saul, I thought a black guy was.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, so did I. Yeah, but it's.

[Soul]

I don't use my government name. I don't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. Yeah. Okay. Why? Why not? Just out of curiosity. You're. You don't like the government? You don't trust them?

[Soul]

It's North Korea. No, I just don't use it. Just, you know, like, now that I'm out of the military, I can use it. It's. It's Eric Shun on IMDb. The Shun family.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. Jesus Christ. So just answer the questions, like, directly. Sorry, T. It's okay. So what do you do for work when you're in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. What keeps you in Gatlinburg?

[Soul]

I mean, my mom and dad are still alive, but they're in their upper 70s, so I'm a caretaker baker by not by choice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Soul]

Adorable boomerang kids.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Soul]

Boomerang generation. Like after my military, I retired. But I still go back there, drive for them. That's how bad it is. They have me as a driver.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There it is again. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. So your parents are old, you're taking care of them, you're driving them around, you're doing this, you're doing that. What else do you do? What do you do for fun? To relax. Like a guilty pleasure for you.

[Soul]

I mean, I'm never like a feature performer, but I'm always helping comics. Like this last gang fest, I drove Jamar Neighbors artwork down to Las Vegas. I mean, anytime it's comedy related, my. You know, just comics of every variety. If I can do anything for them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old are you?

[Soul]

42.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

42. You have any kids?

[Soul]

No. No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How come? What happened?

[Soul]

Freedom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Soul]

The women pull out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's by choice. Do you have a girlfriend?

[Soul]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Soul]

No. Once the 20 minutes is over, the happy ending is over.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Have you. You've never been married?

[Soul]

No. Well, I was, yeah, back when I was Air Force.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're tough. Interview soul. These are pretty easy questions.

[Soul]

It was 2002. We were together for 06, and then we were separated. The rest of the time we got 2020.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What happened with it?

[Soul]

I was pursuing entertainment. So anyone? Entertainment. You pursue entertainment full time.

[Joe DeRosa]

And so I don't understand what you're talking about. Yeah. What do you mean no? You got divorced over personal entertainment? Is that what you just said?

[Soul]

No, because she said I was supposed don't go no.

[Joe DeRosa]

Like I'm the fucking asshole, right? Because I can't follow what the fuck you're talking about.

[Soul]

You know, she said my choice of career, even though I was military and I had that steady reserve check, you know, I was just a loose cannon. It wasn't providing security really.

[Joe DeRosa]

You seem like a real stable pick.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did she do for work?

[Soul]

She easy was working at the airport.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She was working at the airport? Yeah. What was she doing at the airport?

[Soul]

She was working. Customer service. This was 06. Customer service.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, a lot of customer service.

[Soul]

I try to regress. I suppress memories.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay?

[Soul]

Yes, of exes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You gambling man? You like to gamble? You look like you.

[Soul]

I'm not good at it, but I'll

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

play and play dice all day in the squatting position. Not fully seated, but bend all. Yes, exactly.

[Soul]

No, I play roulette. I play. I lose a roulette. I'm always betting on black.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. Anything else interesting about your life before I let you go? You're one of the hardest interviews of the history of the show.

[Soul]

I'm sorry, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've mentally prepared for this forever.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Soul]

I mean, I'm trying to find my birth mom, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, let's.

[Soul]

I would use a platform like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where do you think your birth mom is?

[Soul]

Probably on Facebook, blocking me. I don't know. Like, the only information I have is that my dad died in. I was, like, born in March. He died in December. I've got her name, and I've got my name and my sister's name. So the white people that bought us, they kept us together.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible.

[Chris Distefano]

We're good people.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're trying to find your mom, and at the same time, you do not want to give your actual name. What a conundrum we find ourselves in.

[Soul]

No, it's Jun, comma, Myung Su. I'm so American.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, totally easy to spell. We got it.

[Soul]

That's why I go by Soul.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your mom's here now. Let's bring her up. Where is she at? Do we have her? Is there an Asian woman here?

[Soul]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, Soul, we're going to get you out of here. Welcome to the show. And here, my friend, is a little joke book for you.

[Chris Distefano]

There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How about a hand for Soul, everybody? Soul sign up again, come back, fucking prepare, and fucking be honest during the interview. Everybody wants to make a joke or fucking be silly, but you're going to do that. You got to give us something. Let's see how this goes. Ladies and gentlemen, a new minute from Drew Santana. This looks like a new name. Drew Santana. What's up? This is.

[Drew Santana]

This is fun. I saw this. I saw this tranny walking 6th street earlier. She actually tripped over her dick. Yeah, she. She tripped over. She scraped up her lady penis. You bruised up her big fake titties. Women, am I right? I think it's really ironic how black people call their cars whips.

[Soul]

You okay?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're okay. Like.

[Drew Santana]

Like, I'd never. I'd never, like, pull up with the homies in my taxes, you know what I'm saying? It's a little on the nose.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you. All right. Drew Santana, man. You had that whips joke the whole time. And you started with that weird tranny trip on a dick thing. It's unbelievable. Hello. Hello. How long you been doing Stand up

[Drew Santana]

it's probably 10, 8, 10 months now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

8, 10 months now. Where are you from?

[Drew Santana]

I'm from Denver. Denver, Colorado.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You still live there?

[Drew Santana]

I live here now. I just moved out here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What made you move to Austin, Texas?

[Drew Santana]

The comedy, this whole thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. How do you make a living, Drew? How old are you?

[Drew Santana]

26.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What do you do for work?

[Drew Santana]

The other night I went out miming.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really? You know how to mime?

[Drew Santana]

It was a off the cuff thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How many of you guys want to see a mime? Give me some mime music. Give me some mime music. It's my music, everybody. Oh. Oh, he's got. Oh, my God. Whoa. Oh, my goodness. For those of you just listening to the podcast, I believe he's petting a gerbil of some kind. Actually don't know what's happening at all. It might be a Nintendo Switch. Oh. Oh, he's. All right. All right. Is this getting somewhere, Drew? Oh, don't. With the cool black guy. Oh, he assumed the cool black guy would want flight his joint. Okay, join. Drew, that's enough. That's the dumbest shit I've ever seen. Literally anybody can do that.

[Chris Distefano]

Drew.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Barely miming at all, Joe.

[Joe DeRosa]

I can't. You have a beautiful gift inside of you, which is doubly shocking that it's miming because you look like Satan. You literally look like the devil, and I can't believe that you're able to mime like that. That's really incredible.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Thank you.

[Soul]

I appreciate what you do.

[Chris Distefano]

You kind of have, like, a Ted Bundy vibe, right? A little bit, you know, but it could, like a new one, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Drew Santana]

The low hanging fruit is that looks scary and gay, like a gay vampire, you know, HPV Lovecraft.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you have, like. Do you have dark thoughts? Sometimes you look like you have dark thoughts. I think that's what we all agree on. You look like you think about doing bad things all the time.

[Drew Santana]

Stark thoughts.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

You look like you'll only sign a cell phone contract in blood.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for fun? Let's start there.

[Drew Santana]

Hanging out with friends, hitting open mics.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do with your friends?

[Drew Santana]

Try to make each other laugh. That's always. That's always a good time. Smoking weed. That's classic. The, you know, just the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you smoke actual weed or just mimed joints?

[Luke Wright]

Yes.

[Drew Santana]

Yes.

[Joe DeRosa]

And do you have actual friends or

[Chris Distefano]

mime friends?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is anything real?

[Drew Santana]

It's all imaginary.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What's your love life like? Who do you have tied up to your studio apartment right now?

[Drew Santana]

Well, obviously, I don't know her name.

[Chris Distefano]

Nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. But seriously, how's that going for you? You into that at all?

[Drew Santana]

Yeah, you know, I'm trying to. There's the issue.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. I don't.

[Drew Santana]

I'm like a deer in headlights with women, you know? Like, I just. I don't do well. Like, you're.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're looking at me.

[Drew Santana]

I don't know how I'm having this conversation right now. Like, I would. I'd normally. Like, it's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, you're talking about her.

[William Montgomery]

You're, like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're looking at me. You're talking to her. You're, like, shy because a woman's looking at you.

[Drew Santana]

Yeah, this is normally I. I freeze and I can't talk when a pre. Girl makes eye contact.

[Bruno Oliveira]

It's that.

[Drew Santana]

It's. It's a lot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is very exciting, Drew.

[Joe DeRosa]

I gotta tell you. They probably don't feel loose and comfortable with you either.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's see if we can. This is a little segment that we like to call Break an incel. Ladies and gentlemen. Can we get Heidi up here? Can we get the lovely Heidi here?

[Enrique Chacon]

Oh, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a very special segment. No big deal. Just one of the most beautiful women imaginable on planet Earth. Just an absolute bundle of perfection right in front of you. Look directly in her eyes, Drew. Drew, keep eye contact. Drew, just lock eyes. How do you feel right now, Drew?

[Drew Santana]

I really have to pee.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, great opening line, Drew. Oh, my goodness. Someone's getting wet down there, and it's going to be you, Drew. Drew's about to piss his pants, ladies and gentlemen. Gentlemen. Okay, Drew, look her in the eyes. Drew, I know you want to fix the mic stand nervously right now. Tell us some of the feelings going through your mind right now as you look at a stunning woman. Keep eye contact with her while saying

[Drew Santana]

the things I panic. Run. I don't have any money.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Piss yourself, Drew. Piss yourself. Right now. We want to see the splotch. All right.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Give us an idea of what an opening line with. Heidi. Heidi, why don't you open things up? I always. Like, you're so conversational. You see a guy like this on the street, what do you say to a stud like this? Grab Derosa's microphone here. I don't want you to share one with all these sicks up here tonight. Okay? Heidi, you're going to give him a shot, and you say, do you need

[Emily Wade]

a dollar or something?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, Heidi, be nice. Come on. Start nice. Come on. Fine. Heidi's a coldblooded assassin. She was raised around us wolves here.

[Drew Santana]

No, but I. I do need your number.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. There it is. There it is. Holy, dude. Straight to the number. Okay, let's try another round. Here we go. Round two of. What the is going on? Heidi says a nice line, and you react in any way.

[Emily Wade]

Heidi, how's your day going?

[Chris Distefano]

Come on, dude, think. Think your favorite. Think a line from your favorite movie. Go.

[Joe DeRosa]

How about this?

[Chris Distefano]

It likes it when you put the lotion in the basket.

[Emily Wade]

It puts the lotion on its skin

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

or it gets back to it. She asks you the unbelievable number in my phone. No, no, no. Okay, Drew, relax.

[Emily Wade]

Can mime me your phone?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, everybody relax. Everybody relax. Okay, Drew, she asked you, how's your day going?

[Drew Santana]

Better, now that I'm talking to you. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How.

[Drew Santana]

How about you? How's your day going?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is.

[Emily Wade]

You're welcome. My day is going great. That's so far, so good.

[Drew Santana]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Holy. Drew, this is unbelievable. Heidi, say something else easy and nice to him. Let's see how he reacts. Just where did you grow up, Drew?

[Drew Santana]

Denver.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Emily Wade]

And how was it living in Denver?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you climb any mountains? No. No, we.

[Emily Wade]

What did you do for fun in Denver?

[Drew Santana]

Yeah, you know, never put myself in a position like this normally.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Okay, we're gonna stop.

[Emily Wade]

It's not that hard, I swear.

[Chris Distefano]

Dude, come on. Mime, Mime.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do the mime, something.

[Chris Distefano]

That's. Okay,

[Joe DeRosa]

Drew. Mime confidence, for Christ's sakes.

[Chris Distefano]

You're like mime conf.

[Drew Santana]

I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Heidi, we've. You've shown us enough. Thank you. Heidi, how about another hand for the lovely. Hi.

[Chris Reeves]

Do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You nailed it, bro. You killed that.

[Drew Santana]

I. I do better when I can't say anything.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Drew. Well, fun times. Good stuff. I love the whips joke.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Great joke, man.

[Chen]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you. How long you been doing it? Six years. Would you say.

[Drew Santana]

Say it's been about, like, eight, 10 months, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you wrote that whips joke? You just came up with that premise? Amazing.

[Drew Santana]

Yes. I read all my stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very good. All right. Oh, my T. Here. And here's a little joke book. There you go, Drew Santana. On to the next one.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're having fun out here. Another bucket pull. My goodness. Can you believe the buckling under. Under the pressure of the young buck, Drew Santana. Anything can happen here. All right, your next bucket poll goes by the name of Peyton Reddy. Here we go. Peyton Reddy. Hey.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Good to be here. I got a girlfriend now. Sorry, fellas. I was doing Tinder for a While. And, you know, a lot of comics, they talk about Tinder because it's, like, infamously the worst dating app, you know? But the craziest thing to me about Tinder is when I was doing that, when I created my profile. Tinder makes you pick a whole bunch of hobbies and interests that show up on your profile. You cannot finish creating your profile without picking hobbies and interests. So Tinder gives you a big list of hobbies to pick from. I thought this was weird. Did you know you could pick Black Lives Matter as a hobby?

[Bruno Oliveira]

That's a hobby.

[Peyton Ruddy]

I support Black Lives Matter. I mean, you know, that's not a hobby to me. That's just something that is. It's like food or something. I'm like, all right. Yes. Black people acknowledged exist. If you don't know what a hobby is, a hobby is, like, something you can do after work. Like, you can squeeze in with the free time, like playing the drums or something. You want to do that with the lives of black people? That's your hop.

[Bruno Oliveira]

That's kind of fucked up.

[Peyton Ruddy]

How do you explain that to somebody? Somebody's like, do you support Black Lives Matter? And you're like, I'll be honest. I have been swamped at work recently. So,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Peyton, ready with a fantastic minute There? It is. A true minute, all on one subject punched up with jokes. Look at you. You're fucking adorable.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Oh, thank you. Thanks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness. How long you been doing standup?

[Peyton Ruddy]

I've been, you know, a couple years here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Couple years. How old are you?

[Peyton Ruddy]

I'm 23. I've been doing it. It'll be six years in November.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, nice. You started young.

[Jared Nathan]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at you. What are you. Are you still drinking breast milk? What's going on over here? You are a plump little sweet.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Yeah, I've moved on. I've moved on in the recent weeks, but, yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Peyton Ruddy]

I've been easing off of it, but thanks for just exploiting me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely incredible. You look like you use hardboiled eggs as, like, zins. Just, like, leave one in your mouth. Just let it soak into your bloodstream. This is incredible. To meet someone like you make Enrique Chacone look like a hot chick.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Paul, what do you do for work? Do you. What do you do? Drive Tonka trucks for a living?

[Enrique Chacon]

What?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Exactly.

[Peyton Ruddy]

No, I drink breast milk and I play with Tonk Trucks.

[Bruno Oliveira]

It's very.

[Peyton Ruddy]

It's a difference.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I.

[Peyton Ruddy]

No, I just moved here three weeks ago, so I don't have a job yet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Where'd you move from?

[Peyton Ruddy]

Chicago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Wow. It's great that we have the actual live the bean with us, ladies and gentlemen. I can't believe the bean found out that it became Kill Tony folklore and it also moved to Austin, Texas. This is incredible.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Yeah, they expedited me overnight. I got shipped over here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's full name Butter Bean.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Butterbean.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. This is incredible. Have people told you that you look like the bean before?

[Peyton Ruddy]

Have people called me fat? Is that what you're asking? You're like. Have people ever called you a fat ass before? Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome, welcome. Absolutely. This is when your. If you had a son, if you made a baby sometime, red band, this is what it would come out looking like. Just a little. Look at this absolute little butterball. Stop. Sweet. I didn't realize that this there. I've heard of snowmen. I've heard. Never heard of snow boys before. This is incredible. Yeah. You're like frosting the snowman.

[Peyton Ruddy]

That's pretty good. You're on the edge of stealing my axe, so you got to be careful.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, I love it. There's no edges to you, buddy. Fully rounded, man. Holy. You are a superstar. There's no doubt about it. 23 years old, six years into the game, you. You're here in the comedy capital of the world. You just did a minute, 15 seconds all on the same subject, which is very telling. A lot of people change directions and try to get squeeze in a lot of their best, different jokes. You're. You're clearly showing that you have experience and, and poise in the pocket.

[Joe DeRosa]

I agree.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And by pocket, I mean the hot pocket that you hate. Right before this.

[Peyton Ruddy]

I've moved on to lean pockets recently.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. Changes.

[Peyton Ruddy]

You spend the extra dollar, you're still as fat. So it's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that true that lean pockets are a little more expensive?

[Peyton Ruddy]

I. I don't know the market on him. Honestly, I was just.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Our senior frozen food correspondent Brian Redband says it's not true. Not true. A man who microwaves 90% of his meals. I'm going to go with his boat here on this one. Wow.

[Joe DeRosa]

You had great, like, just you, your presence was great. And like, I love that you were pausing, making getting laughs out of the faces. You know, the reactions to what you were saying was great.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. And I feel like, I feel like, like, you know, just in a minute I could tell, like you had more time to like stretch it out. It would be really good, you know, for your comedy on your body.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And so.

[Peyton Ruddy]

But am I fat?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's Happening.

[Enrique Chacon]

I'm not.

[Peyton Ruddy]

They keep making them. I don't.

[Chris Distefano]

No, but you look good, though, like that. I'm telling you, dude, you're like.

[Joe DeRosa]

It fits you.

[Chris Distefano]

No, I'm being serious.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No one has endorsed obesity more than Chris here tonight. You look good, dude. I tell you, you're a star. Don't change a thing.

[Chris Distefano]

He looks good.

[Peyton Ruddy]

He's a pretty editor.

[Chris Distefano]

No, you really do, Chris.

[Joe DeRosa]

Chris has a type and he's very clear.

[Chris Distefano]

As a matter of fact, you know what? You're coming with me to Dallas, too, this weekend.

[Peyton Ruddy]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, he did Saturday.

[Chris Distefano]

Come to my shows. I got £500 of fun.

[Joe DeRosa]

All these comics think it's a break. Chris needs people to fill seats.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

God,

[Chris Distefano]

the bigger the better.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Have you ever been to Dallas before?

[Peyton Ruddy]

No, I've never been to Dallas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Chris Distefano]

All right, good.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Only been to Austin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Well, the Buyers Club, unfortunately for you, is not a sandwich.

[Bruno Oliveira]

That's.

[Peyton Ruddy]

That's a shame.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what's your living situation like? You got a one bedroom, one kitchen.

[Peyton Ruddy]

It's a half bath, three kitchens.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it.

[Peyton Ruddy]

I have round the clock shift. Stoney, I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You got roommates or what? What's going on?

[Peyton Ruddy]

Yeah, I'm just crashing on a buddy's couch right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love. I love it.

[Peyton Ruddy]

I'm not coming. Forget it. I'm. Dallas is over, Chris. Forget it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely incredible. Do people walk into the apartment and sometimes go and say to your roommate, oh, there's a couch on your couch. Why is there. Why do you have two couches? They go, oh, is this one of

[Peyton Ruddy]

those couches that folds out like those coffee tables? The thing kind of to come.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, it's one of those couches that breathes kind of.

[Peyton Ruddy]

I've seen those. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of. How you getting around? You got a car? I roll. Yeah, perfect. That's what I was getting at. This guy's good. Taking the momentum, rolling with it. This is very good. Very, very good. So what's your goal for getting a job? You've moved, you've lived here. What'd you say, three weeks?

[Peyton Ruddy]

Yeah, three weeks ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so what's the. What's. What do we got to do here? How can we help you? You name what you're good at, and we're going to help. You want a little hard hat?

[Peyton Ruddy]

A heart? You have a hard hat.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hard hat. You would look adorable in a hard hat.

[Peyton Ruddy]

I would love a hard hat.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know why I want to put a hard hat. How many of you think we should put a hard Hat on this hat. What do you do for work?

[Peyton Ruddy]

What's that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What are you good at? What are you trained in? What can you possibly do? How can you contribute to the economy in Austin, Texas?

[Peyton Ruddy]

I worked a lot of restaurant jobs growing up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you worked them or you worked.

[Peyton Ruddy]

My business was given to the restaurants growing up. No, I did, you know, line cook and server and all.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How would you like to burn yourself at Torchy's Tacos? I know a guy.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm gonna tell you what's fascinating. You're sweating the least out of every performance.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is amazing. I noticed that as well. I'm like, you got Enrique up here wiping his face like. Like we're in a thunderstorm or something like that. It's like when you the highest level of windshield wiper and this guy's not a drip.

[Peyton Ruddy]

No, no. I'm a professional.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely incredible. Absolutely incredible. Amazing. I love it. You are one of the funniest people that have ever come on this stage with lunchables in their pockets before. This is incredible.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's the longest set you've ever done?

[Jared Nathan]

I did.

[Peyton Ruddy]

I've done like 35 before. You know, just like you headline some terrible bars show.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'd love to have you on the secret show Thursday.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'd love to do it. I'd love to do it. The first big joke book of the night to a big boy. Peyton Reddy has made his Kill Tony debut. I have a feeling you're gonna see a lot of that kid someday. I'm normally very right about these things.

[Chris Distefano]

Bobby Hill.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Peyton Ruddy. R U D D Y Peyton Ruddy. Comedy on social media. Watch it blow up. This is an interesting, interesting name. Almost no way that I could say this correctly, but I'm going to try. Make some noise for the kill Tony debut of Dorda Krikic. Krikin.

[George Kratchik]

Hello, my name is George Kirklich. And that's not even a joke. I am from Montenegro. And Montenegro in Spanish and Italian means a black mountain, right? Which makes me your black mountain man. Or as we like to call us, I am a Montenega. Oh, shut up. I can say it. Oh, shut up. Well, if you don't like that hard R at the end, you can just call me a Montenegra. It's fine, we like it. Well, you have to understand, I have right to say it because we were slaves for 500 years, right? Under a Turkish empire.

[Joe DeRosa]

Empire.

[George Kratchik]

So I heard some of you guys got a reparations for slavery. Well, that's why this Montenegro is here tonight. I Need some reparations too. All right. And that would be my minute.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. I think a lot of people are leaving right now. What do we think, black guy? Are we letting him get away with that? What's going on over here? I know that edible is in full force right now. You must be thinking there's no way he just said what I think he said. Perfect.

[Emily Wade]

Perfect.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nothing at all. All is well. Welcome. Say your name one more time.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Georgia.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Georgia.

[George Kratchik]

It's like George. So, yeah, my language. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You stick it over. We'll keep it going then. The last name is Kilic.

[George Kratchik]

Oh, don't bother with that. Even people from my country can pronounce it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really? Okay, you mean the Nwords.

[Joe DeRosa]

What a surprise. A guy named Georgia dropped the N bomb out here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This Geor. This Georgia hasn't seen showers in weeks, though.

[Chris Distefano]

You kind of look like Jesus if you lived on 6th Street.

[George Kratchik]

Well, I do live actually almost on the 6th Street.

[Joe DeRosa]

I live in my car.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is 6th Street. Jesus. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm homeless for the

[George Kratchik]

last three, four months.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at you.

[George Kratchik]

I'm doing good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a happy homeless guy. I like it. I like it. So tell us what it's like living on the streets.

[George Kratchik]

Oh, it's disgusting.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us more.

[George Kratchik]

Well, here, actually, on the 6th Street.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Street.

[George Kratchik]

It's the worst, huh? But I live actually on the Walmart parkings. That's where I sleep, where I park my car. Because I live in my car, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[George Kratchik]

And it's. It's. I don't know what to say, Tony. It's not nice, it's not good. But I'm surviving.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Example of what it's like. A lot of these people, most of them have no idea. So you're you. You I'm after. You do stand up in spots and stuff, right? That's kind of your routine. How long you been doing stand up?

[George Kratchik]

This is my first time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, well, then there you go. Okay. Look at you.

[Enrique Chacon]

First time ever.

[Bruno Oliveira]

True.

[George Kratchik]

Actually, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just. You just found an art form where you can come out and say the N word a few times. Incredible.

[George Kratchik]

Well, if I can correct you, I'm not saying the N word right. I'm saying the M word first.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's true.

[George Kratchik]

Right, right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So there's a difference. Now I know if I wanted to, I just have to say Monte beforehand. That is correct. I got bad news for you, John. Yeah, you goddamn Montate. No, I'm kidding.

[Chris Distefano]

And dude, I got.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I waited a long time for this moment. You McLovin McNugget, what were we saying? What's going on? All right, what do you think about him? You think, what do you think, John?

[Joe DeRosa]

I didn't hear him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perfect. I love it. Thank God black guys do not pay attention to this show. Incredible.

[Chris Distefano]

Dude. Don't even. If you ever get any flack for it, just blame it on the fence and all. That's it. I was cracked out. It's all good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So I'm going to get back to my original thing here. So you pull your car. What do you do at night if you're just starting stand up. Now what have you been doing in Austin all this time?

[George Kratchik]

Well, I got here because of this show actually and I want to. I used to be a semi truck driver. So that's what I do for a living for a couple years now. And then I decided I want to switch my profession. I want to be a stand up comedian from now on.

[Soul]

So.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[George Kratchik]

And I think I have a bid that I can go with with and I can play with and I can do. I don't mean to be a rude with it but I can compare similarities between the N word and mon.

[Enrique Chacon]

Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You just look directly at John D's and signal to him.

[George Kratchik]

Well, I didn't mean to offend you.

[Joe DeRosa]

If the Kill Tony show making immigrants homeless.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes.

[Joe DeRosa]

2015.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not only did we fill up a arenas, we also fill up Walmart parking lots.

[George Kratchik]

There is a few homeless next to me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really? They're all Kel Tony sign ups.

[George Kratchik]

Well, I'm not sure about that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, okay, so let's get back to that. So give us an example. What time of the day do you wake up? The sun comes up, you're in a car.

[George Kratchik]

I wake up 5, 6am I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes. A life of the luxury at the Walmart parking lot. And then what do you.

[George Kratchik]

Then I go to the Walmart because there is a restroom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[George Kratchik]

I can wash my teeth. Right. I can take a right. Do the morning routines that people are doing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely the morning everyone's doing it.

[George Kratchik]

Correct. And then after that I go work. I do have a work. It's a moving. So I do work for a different company.

[Joe DeRosa]

Wait, your work is another racial slur? Did you just say what did you

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

just say your work? I did.

[George Kratchik]

Moving. Moving.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, moving.

[George Kratchik]

Yes sir.

[Joe DeRosa]

I thought you said something else. Sorry, I'm not going to say what I thought you said.

[Chen]

You thought he said Moly.

[Joe DeRosa]

That is what I thought he said. That's what it sounded like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I got you, bro.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, right.

[George Kratchik]

I Got you and back on me, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A lot of accidental racial slurs happening up here with you. I can't imagine what you scream in your car in the middle of the night.

[George Kratchik]

Oh, my God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, okay, then I do work.

[George Kratchik]

I work for a couple hours.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Then what do you do?

[George Kratchik]

Come back here on the 6th street and I play guitar for a couple hours. Maybe one hour. I just practice. Well, that was only so because it's my first time on the stage. So that's how I practice. Just to be in front of the people. That's it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you just started guitar too?

[George Kratchik]

No, couple of years ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Couple of years ago. How often do you practice?

[George Kratchik]

Well, almost every day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys want to hear a song from fucking.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, shit, Georgia.

[Chris Distefano]

But I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We got a backup guitar, right?

[George Kratchik]

I'm not going to sing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We have the official kil. Tony guitar. We up and ready to go. Tuned up and ready to go, ladies and gentlemen. Wow. Here it is. Let's do both of these. Get them up here. Okay, Georgia, I have a feeling. I have a weird feeling George is about to impress us here. He's got these homeless energies, these pent up. Georgia, face the crowd. Face the crowd. You're. You're. You're trying to head back to the Walmart parking lot. Oh, he's calling out something to the band. Whoa. All right, that's great. That's great. Great stuff. Great stuff. Oh, my goodness gracious. Unbelievable. Wow. Hell yeah. Absolutely. How do you feel right now? You just played the world famous Ritz Theater. You're shaking right now.

[George Kratchik]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Energy of Stevie Ray Vaughan runs through you.

[George Kratchik]

Oh, I love that. Thank you. Yes, I love him. I love Steve.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Of course. He played here on this very stage that you stand on. And you look like he does right now. You look like the decades long decompression posed corpse of Stevie Ray Bond.

[George Kratchik]

Hallelujah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. And you sleep on a Stevie Ray lawn. Okay, George Kratchik. Fun times. You know, it was your first set, so you know what I'm gonna do? Instead of giving you a little joke book for the amount of laughs that you got, I want you to get some work done. I believe in you, George. I think you have a lot of pent up. How old you are you?

[George Kratchik]

I'm 33.

[Emily Wade]

34.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You have a chance at this, George. You've made it. From the. From all. You've escaped the Turkish rule in Montenegro. You are one of my favorite illegal immigrants we've ever had on this show, to be honest with you. You got balls, dude. And so I want you to start writing and fill up this Kill Tony joke book with some. Okay. Oh, yeah.

[Enrique Chacon]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Try to use minimal N words in that joke book. There he goes. Georgia. Well, which one was first? Oh, okay. All right. Make so much for your next bucket poll. Bruno Oliveira. Bruno Oliviera. Bruno. Hold on, guys. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Is Bruno here? Bruno Oliviera. Bruno, ladies and gentlemen. Here he is.

[Bruno Oliveira]

What's going on? How's everyone doing? Nah, it's good, man. This. This is my real accent, by the way. I'm not. I'm not actually Mexican, so I just want to put that out there. Everyone calls me Hector from Fast and Furious and shit I can't unseat now. You know what I mean? But the other day, I got called Pitbull from Down Under. I'm like, what the, man? That's a fucked up thing to say, man. It's been a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Appreciate that, man. Well, it's my first time here in Texas and shit, you know, which is cool. It's not too bad. I'm not gonna lie. I'm trying to hold my breath because I ran here and I'm not that fit.

[Soul]

But,

[Bruno Oliveira]

yeah, it's weird, man. It's weird, you know? But I hate when people say shit like, fucking, oh, hey, man. I had some dude come up to me and say, hey, man, you have very prison eyes. And I'm like, don't know you, bro. Like, what the fuck? And it's like, I get it. I look like I did it, but I didn't do it. You know what I mean? That's all I'm saying, bro. You know? And it's like, people say shit like, fucking, hey, man, you were quite intimidating like when I first met you, man, but you're actually a nice guy. I'm like, that shit hurts, man. Cause I got feelings too, and shit. You know? And it's just like, fucking. I was gonna keep going, but I guess.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Bruno, Olivier. That is maximum time. Hi, Bruno.

[Bruno Oliveira]

How you going, mate? You're right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

G'. Day. G'. Day. So where are you from?

[Bruno Oliveira]

Are you serious?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Joe DeRosa]

He is yahoo serious.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Well, that is a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you say it during your set? If you were listening, that's an easy question. Is that a yes or a no?

[Bruno Oliveira]

That is yes. Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So where was it?

[Bruno Oliveira]

Australia.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. Sometimes I have to do things and host a show, and I miss a second every now and then. Well, everybody recklessly watches and enjoys themselves. So, yes, fair enough. You got me.

[Bruno Oliveira]

No worries.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is it Australia?

[Bruno Oliveira]

Huh?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Australia.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Australia.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, Very good. Okay. What brings you to America?

[Bruno Oliveira]

I thought I'd check out comedy and, you know, I thought I'd check out like the new Mexican places around here and stuff like that, you know, like any Mexican places. No, I'm not. Well, it's just people think I'm mixing all the time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Time, you know? Right.

[Bruno Oliveira]

People speak to me in Spanish.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Even in Australia. Do they think you're Mexican, bro?

[Bruno Oliveira]

There's no Mexicans there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's the weird thing, right?

[Bruno Oliveira]

There's no.

[Joe DeRosa]

That weird. It's nowhere near Mexico. A 20 hour flight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bruno Oliveira]

No, see, like, this is the thing. Like in Australia, people think I'm from New Zealand.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Bruno Oliveira]

But over here people think I'm Mexican.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. Either way.

[Chris Distefano]

Way.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Yeah, either, either.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whatever.

[Bruno Oliveira]

You know what I mean?

[Chris Distefano]

But like, either way, you're not welcomed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Wait, you sound like Immigration, bro. That's what the. Like I was there for like 40 minutes.

[Chris Distefano]

I thought you were Ms. 13. I didn't know what else. I got my garden.

[Bruno Oliveira]

I'm not from the cartel, man. I'm just going to put that out there, you know what I mean? I'm just an ordinary dude. Thank you.

[Joe DeRosa]

I did laugh a few times at your side. Upset, I think, because I thought it was funny or I might have been terrified. I'm not sure which it was.

[Bruno Oliveira]

But I mean, I get the most people when I perform, they look scared. I feel like they're forced to laugh, but you know what I mean, I'm here. So thank you for being. I don't know if you're laughing or not, but whatever. You know what I mean?

[Joe DeRosa]

Well, you've really leaned into the look, you know.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Well, this is how I dress back home, you know what I mean? So this is unintentional Mexican. I'm not even trying to. Not really like this how I dress and. And like I see Mexican people walking past me, giving me the head nod and shit all the time. All the time. I can't even speak Spanish. I'm like, hola, senor. I'm not sure you know what I mean. I'm just saying. But yeah, that's like the jits of it. You know what I mean?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. So how long you been doing stand up?

[Bruno Oliveira]

Sorry? Say it again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long have you been doing stand up?

[Bruno Oliveira]

I've started like late. 216, 217, so it's about seven, eight ears.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Bruno Oliveira]

I'm trying to sound smart, bro. All right? So just get out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Don't try to sound. I'm sorry, you don't look Smart. There's no point in sounding smart.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Look, man, I completed senior high school and you know what I mean. So do you call it secondary school or something?

[Chris Distefano]

No, we don't know what you're talking about.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, all right.

[Bruno Oliveira]

I'm just a dumb C then. All right, no worries.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. There you go.

[Joe DeRosa]

High school. Sorry, you said high school.

[Bruno Oliveira]

High school, yes.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, we called high school.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Bruno Oliveira]

So what the, bro? Like, what the.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, you said secondary school and then you said 2. 16, 217. I was like.

[Bruno Oliveira]

No, I said Ms. 13. Ms. 13 is what I said. All right, miss.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, you have ms?

[Soul]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for work, Bruno?

[Bruno Oliveira]

I'm actually a scaffolder by trade.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A scaffolder?

[Bruno Oliveira]

A scaffolder? Yeah. Why do you look so surprised for

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you talking to me?

[Bruno Oliveira]

No, I'm talking. No, I'm talking to the. No, I'm not trying to start a fight. I'm saying the second gentleman. Yes, you, sir.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yes, yes.

[Chris Distefano]

No, I'm not. I. I don't know what. Scaffolding.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Nate just looks scared.

[Chris Distefano]

I'm sorry, you put up scaffolding?

[Bruno Oliveira]

Yes, put up scaffolding, which is very Mexican.

[Chris Distefano]

I was gonna say.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a mess.

[Jared Nathan]

That's what I was gonna say.

[Joe DeRosa]

At this point, you're asking for.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, dude, I am so happy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I just drive me low rider to the scaffolding location. Mow the lawn on my way in. Whoa, look at that. Wow. Oh, my goodness. Look who's.

[Bruno Oliveira]

That's all I knew as well, you know, man. Freestyle.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Jesus Christ. Do you have any special skills or talents? Australians can be a wacky multi talented people.

[Bruno Oliveira]

I mean, I like anime. I don't know if that helps. I don't know what that means as well.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You get into fights as a kid, your nose is kind of up. Is that from a lot of cocaine or getting beat up?

[Bruno Oliveira]

That's called none of your business, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that means cocaine is the answer. Ladies and gentlemen, a little bit of that back.

[Chris Distefano]

Your head is caved in. What's happened to the back of your head?

[Bruno Oliveira]

Can you stop, bro?

[Chris Distefano]

Please, just turn around and show one. The back of your head.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it's flat.

[Bruno Oliveira]

I know. I was flattened as a kid. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look, I got. Both of your hemispheres are up.

[Bruno Oliveira]

I mean, don't like, wait. I could actually level a wall with

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

the back of my head, you know, Another Mexican trait.

[Chris Distefano]

There it is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So wait, so what happened? You partied so hard that you busted your nose. Australians, by the way, A lot of people don't know this. I do know this. I once, at one point in my life, toured Australia a lot. I'm very close. Close with a lot of Australians. And a lot of people don't know. They all are heavily addicted to cocaine. It's a thing. They do it like it's nothing there. Like we drink Bud Light or something like that. They all do it. Can you. Can you expand on this? Am I correct? It's a big secret that they keep. Meanwhile, they forced their own people to get vaccinated numerous times while everybody is already halfway to a hardest attack. But go ahead, tell us more.

[Bruno Oliveira]

I mean, it's not all the cocaine. It's not that. That's not the whole story.

[Soul]

Okay?

[Bruno Oliveira]

Everyone's invested now I'm scared and, you know, now look like my nose got up, like when I was a kid,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you know what happened?

[Bruno Oliveira]

Do we have to go there?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness. Of all the things you're so nervous to talk about, how your nose became flat halfway up.

[Peyton Ruddy]

Yeah, man.

[Bruno Oliveira]

You're making me feel real self conscious about how I look now, man.

[Joe DeRosa]

You know, you should.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You should.

[Chris Distefano]

I mean, you do you. Somebody kicked in your nose so hard it caved in the back of your head. We want to know about it.

[Bruno Oliveira]

That's fucked up, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

If you feel. If you feel too self conscious about the way you look, just stare at Joe Derosa's face for a second.

[Bruno Oliveira]

I mean, look like fucking. I was like. I used to do boxing and shit like that. Like, you know what I mean? So that's also part of the flat. And what's not just cocaine? Cocaine, it's also the boxing that was

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

a bit of cocaine. Was first out of the boxing.

[Bruno Oliveira]

I started when I was 10, bro. I didn't do cocaine until I was like, nine and a half.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So let's get that straight.

[Joe DeRosa]

So you also box to escape your country. Very Mexican.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, a very Mexican.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Oh, you got to come up some new. Now, I keep saying the Mexican man,

[Joe DeRosa]

because you keep hitting that note over and over. I can't believe how many Mexican boxes you're ticking.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Joe DeRosa]

Right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's un.

[Bruno Oliveira]

I know the scaffolding that. Yeah, no, that's fair enough, but, yeah, I don't know where we go from here because I've never had this silence. So this is getting weird. This is getting weird.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, you're.

[Chris Distefano]

Have you got your head looked at?

[Joe DeRosa]

Sorry?

[Chris Distefano]

Have you. Does a doctor talk to you about the back of your head? No, it's like, it's. I'm not saying. I'm not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Turn around. Show everybody the back.

[Bruno Oliveira]

All right, I'm. I'mma do a slight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. Here it is. The big reveal. Whoa. Did you just swallow me? Yeah, the crap get the out of

[Joe DeRosa]

you c. It's like a blooming onion back there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can I draw a face on the back of it? And then you turn around slowly like that. Can we do that? Come here. I'm going to do it. I need your permission, though. Can I draw a face on the back of your head and then you reveal.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Feel it. Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it.

[Enrique Chacon]

Let's do it.

[Bruno Oliveira]

This is humiliating.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

His head is so sweaty that it just eats the Sharpie alive. It's not working. I didn't get one up. It actually looks like your actual face. There's no nose. There's no. Oh, my God.

[Bruno Oliveira]

This is the worst decision I've ever made to come here, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The worst decision is amazing. What's the craziest thing that's ever happened to you your entire life before I let you go? I feel like you've seen a lot. I feel like there's a lot of special fun facts about you.

[Bruno Oliveira]

I mean. Okay, I'll. I'll say this. There's one tr. Like this one time, I actually got my drinks spot sparked.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Bruno Oliveira]

So. Sorry. Spiked. Well, my drink was spiked.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Knocks off to break it down because I say walk.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was it a margarita by chance?

[Bruno Oliveira]

No, I'm a real man. So I drank Jackson coke. So, like, I had.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I had my. And coke. Multiple Jacks, one coat. So I had angry Jacks.

[Bruno Oliveira]

I had. I had a. Yeah. Lumberjacks and flatheads.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was more jacked? Your coke or your nose was at

[Bruno Oliveira]

this time was both, actually.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so both.

[Bruno Oliveira]

I was actually pretty up and so my drink got spiked.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This Sharpie literally doesn't work any. It absorbed all of the. Just hey.

[Bruno Oliveira]

The whole time. I'm going to just explain. I'm just going to do this. I'm going to rub it off, but.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So your head has a wet back. Takes another one. That's another box on the Mexican.

[Bruno Oliveira]

I know. And it's actually wet as well. When I did it. You know what I mean?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's up. But.

[Bruno Oliveira]

So I got my drink spiked and I went to the SP next on Spark.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ufc. Unleash on Spark. Watch the SP to there, dad Croy.

[Bruno Oliveira]

So. So my drink got spiked and I went to the restroom. You exaggerated. I'm just going to keep exaggerating. So let Me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let. Let me say.

[Chris Distefano]

Just.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're doing good.

[Bruno Oliveira]

I just. Thank you. Appreciate you, but. So my drink all spiked, and I went to the. And I went to the restroom, and the last thing I. I remember is me at the urinal doing a piss.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And.

[Bruno Oliveira]

And I woke up on the floor, like. Puddle. Yeah. What do you call the urine?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, we just piss. We don't just do it. What the.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's why our economy is so much better than yours. That's all we have to do. Do the deer before we do. We already did that by the time you talk about doing it.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Right. Okay, that's fair. So I was pissing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I have to do a piss. Yeah, I have to go do a piss. All right, go ahead. Yeah.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Thank you, man. Yeah, that was. But. Oh, so. So I was doing a piss. I was pissing. And the last thing I remember is me on the floor with, like, a little puddle full of blood and like that. And I woke up and, like, the bouncer comes, like, all.

[Soul]

All.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Even though I was knocked out, I heard, like, the. Like, the. Like, someone calling, like, for a bounce, like, oh, fuck. Someone come in. You know, this cunt's all fucked up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then, yeah, the back of his head's fucking swelling. I think. I think he broke his fucking nose.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Not just that, the back of my head got fucked up, too. You know what I mean? But, like. So the bouncer wakes me up, and then he's like, hey, man, g'.

[Luke Wright]

Day.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Are you right, bro? Yeah, g', day, mate. Are you right? Crikey, that's a lot of blood, you know? But then he wakes me up, man. The happened. And then he's like, oh, you actually slipped and you hit your head on the urinal.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah.

[Bruno Oliveira]

So that's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were doing a piss and the piss. Did you.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Yeah, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. Oh, my.

[Bruno Oliveira]

I got made pissed by the urinal, like, because there's a saying. They were saying in Australia if someone got made piss means that someone got up, as in, like, they got up in a fight. Four, as I said. So it's like I got made pissed by the people. Pisser.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That makes sense.

[Bruno Oliveira]

It wasn't that funny. But you can't win all of them, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's true.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Boxing match in your youth.

[Bruno Oliveira]

And I got a chipped tooth and my nose is still. But also got a scar here at the bottom. And I woke up in a, like, hospital and still confused about what happened. This is not where I thought that

[Joe DeRosa]

this story would go. I didn't realize it for it would be clumsy, you know, I thought so.

[Bruno Oliveira]

I mean, I'm not the smartest person that I know. You know, I mean, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's right.

[Chris Distefano]

I don't even think you're from Australia, dude. I think you had a traumatic brain injury and this new personality is what come out. And you're actually from Guadalahara, like we assume from the beginning.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. And none of this is real, ladies and gentlemen. Bruno. Bruno. Bruno.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Thank you so much. Really appreciate you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Is that it?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here's a medium sized joke.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, there you go. It's a black guy on edibles. It's like, what the hell? These joke books flying. Hey, over there. There you go, buddy. There he goes. Bruno, everyone.

[Joe DeRosa]

What's that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

These wild energies. These Australians are wild. All right, one last bucketful. Make some noise for him. It's a Luke. Right, everyone? Luke, right? Right.

[Luke Wright]

Well, hello, all the people. My name's Luke. I identify as a BBC badly balding Caucasian. Yeah, I had a pretty rough childhood. My dad beat me with conservative values. He's a big conspiracy theory guy too. You know, he thinks 911 was an inside job. I think that's pretty ridiculous. It pretty clearly happened outside. Yeah, we were a religious household too. You know, we went to church every Sunday. My. You know, I was a cute kid, so I had to beat the priests off with a stick. Messed up. I mean, who wants to get beat off with a stick? Not that bad, though. We would go get Mexican food after to make me feel better, you know? Now, like whenever I want to feel like I'm back in my childhood, I just go and get some, like, nice al Pastor tacos.

[Emily Wade]

Yeah.

[Luke Wright]

Only now I have to pay for pastor meat. My mouth.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness. A lot of people pushing it to the limit here. Luke Wright with a full set. Hi, Luke.

[Luke Wright]

How's it going?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How are you?

[Luke Wright]

I'm doing all right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old are you?

[Luke Wright]

This is insane. This is awesome. This is like a dream come true.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Luke Wright]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old are you?

[Soul]

I'm good.

[Luke Wright]

I just came in for the festival. God, you don't believe me?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Me?

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, no, no. How old are you?

[Luke Wright]

How old am I? 23 years old.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

23 years old. You don't look a day over Joe Derosa.

[Joe DeRosa]

Why am I the Go to?

[Chris Distefano]

I've never seen. I've never seen back to back contestants have. One has the worst back of the head and then the worst front of the head.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, my God. You're aging worse than the homeless guy is.

[Luke Wright]

Well, I would say like a fine Wine. But there's nothing fine about this wine. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that was amazing. Amazing, Luke. So where are you from?

[Luke Wright]

I'm from Houston.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Houston. And that's where you were born and raised?

[Luke Wright]

No, I was born and raised in Connecticut. Well, half and half.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What made you. How long ago did you move to Houston?

[Luke Wright]

About 12 years old. So, like, half my life I was in Houston. Half my life I was in Connecticut.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You just stayed 12 forever?

[Luke Wright]

Yeah, my body stayed 12. My face went to 30. Real quick.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Okay. What do you do for work right now?

[Chris Distefano]

I'm working.

[Luke Wright]

I'm about to start working on Wednesday at an art gallery doing, like, guest services stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What did you do before this?

[Luke Wright]

I was actually working here in Austin. I was working at a migrant shelter.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A migrant shelter?

[Soul]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. What were you doing at the migrant shelter?

[Luke Wright]

Basically, we would take people who got out of ICE detention and we would give them a place to stay, get on their feet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why don't you tell us some of this stuff that you learned there about how migrants are handled here in the great state of Texas.

[Luke Wright]

Yeah, it's kind of crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I bet it is.

[Luke Wright]

Yeah.

[Soul]

So

[Luke Wright]

it's. People come across the border, right? And if you don't have a visa, you don't submit any papers beforehand. You're handled as an asylum seeker, basically. So you go into ICE detention and you're processed. They do background checks, stuff like that, and then you're released, and you're basically waiting on your case because everyone that comes into the country is fighting an immigration case. And once you're released from detention, you have to file an application for asylum. And while that application is being processed, you have to wait 180 days until you're able to legally work in this country.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right?

[Luke Wright]

So people are let out of prison and expected to be able to sustain themselves for, at minimum, 180 days without being able to work legally. So that's kind of the hole that we filled as a shelter, was giving people a place to go in the meantime while they were getting all the paperwork done.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. So they have 180 days to get. Oh, these guys like a lot of supporters of people moving here that can't work or contribute to the economy in any way. Very interesting crowd. Must be the people visiting. Must be the people visiting from the Upper East Coast.

[Joe DeRosa]

Imagine. Imagine. Imagine what it takes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They can't. They can legally work where they came from. How about that? God damn it. Huh?

[Soul]

Thank you. Thank you, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, President Trump. What was that? Thank you, Tony. You're welcome. You're welcome. Just stating the obvious here.

[Joe DeRosa]

Imagine coming here with all of your dreams, and as soon as you get here, they're like, your case will be handled by this small boy. You're like, I think we've made a mistake.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did any of them ever give you a hard time?

[Luke Wright]

Oh, no, they're all great people.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I. Oh, yeah. You like them, huh?

[Luke Wright]

Well, no, I did almost get stabbed once, but.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right.

[Luke Wright]

It was an almost. It was an almost.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What were they gonna stab you with?

[Luke Wright]

It was scissors.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ah. Yeah. How did that go down?

[Luke Wright]

She came from a very messed up country.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She?

[Luke Wright]

Yeah, like, she came over entire family or not.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, that's what happens. You try to text other girls. Don't do that, dude. Trust me. I know.

[Soul]

Oh, man.

[Luke Wright]

You know, the struggle. I mean, I know it, dude. It's scary.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So she. Was she Latina?

[Luke Wright]

No, she was from Africa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

From what?

[William Montgomery]

From Africa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, boy. One of those. Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

Was she from Uganda by any chance?

[Luke Wright]

No, it's like a small. Like a small eastern country country in Africa. I don't want to, like, say specifically

[Chris Distefano]

which one, but I don't think we

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

know where they are.

[Luke Wright]

Oh, yeah, I forgot where we were.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Did she say. Ah, hell nah. Right before. What was the. What was.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, no, no.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's the west side.

[Luke Wright]

I'm talking about the east side.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, nice. All right, all right. You have me geographically confused right now. Oh, okay. So what happened? What was the dialogue before the scissor attack?

[Luke Wright]

She got in an argument with another one of the residents at the shelter and got very upset. Was trying to attack him, and I basically got between them so that she didn't hurt anyone. And. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Look at you.

[Chris Distefano]

Nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at you. A hero.

[Luke Wright]

I wouldn't go that far on me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, so you almost got attacked. What's your love life like? Luke? You seem like the kind of guy that loves, you know, hunting at a playground.

[Luke Wright]

It's.

[Joe DeRosa]

I've never seen Rocky a molester that looks like a boy. Yeah, he could play both roles.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. He's a predator and a victim.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Luke Wright]

No, it's rough. It's rough.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What's it like out there for you?

[Jared Nathan]

I don't know.

[Luke Wright]

It's just kind of hard to find, like, people.

[Soul]

I.

[Luke Wright]

Well, you know, you. You're looking at me. I mean, it's. But no.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, I mean, I don't think. I don't think you're East African women's type. That's the thing. You're going. I mean, it's cool, but.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you almost scissored with a migrant. There must be something going on. What detention center would you put these two Mexican women at exactly if.

[Luke Wright]

Oh, oh, Canadian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Canadian. The worst of them all.

[Bruno Oliveira]

God.

[Luke Wright]

Probably like North Dakota. I mean, it's pretty close. I don't know.

[Joe DeRosa]

Perfect.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, Luke. What? Like, when you say it's bad I look like this? Whatever. Like, when's the last time you went on a date?

[Luke Wright]

About year ago is year and a half ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who was that with? How did that go down?

[Luke Wright]

That was just off of Tinder.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you're on Tinder.

[Luke Wright]

Not anymore.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What, you just gave up Tinder. Suicide?

[Luke Wright]

Yeah, I just prefer to meet people in person.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And that hasn't been going so well.

[Luke Wright]

Not really.

[Chris Distefano]

You're just standing by the Rio Grande waiting for me? It's a bad timing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, grab the high vis.

[Luke Wright]

You know.

[Chris Distefano]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have. Have you ever. Well, you don't live in Austin. You live in Houston.

[Soul]

Yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You drove here?

[Luke Wright]

Yeah, I actually came here for the festival and I wasn't even gonna be signing up for this show, but then one of the other comedians let me stay with her and.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. With her? Oh, my goodness gracious. Someone at a baby crib.

[Luke Wright]

No, she is a grandmother.

[Joe DeRosa]

So.

[Drew Santana]

What?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Joe DeRosa]

Okay.

[Luke Wright]

Yeah, no, she's. Yeah, she's a grandmother. She's pretty old. I don't know exactly how old. I don't ask. I don't. Gentlemen, I'm a sick with a place to stay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's it.

[Chris Distefano]

Good for you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Congratulations, Luke. Fun times. You got through it. You did it. I'm out of a medium. Joke books. Here's a big joke book for you, Luke. There you go. There it is. All right, we've had fun. There's only one way to end a show like this, ladies and gentlemen. While there was no Camera Patterson this episode. While there was no Hans Kim, there was no Ari Matti. There is one person who is here tonight who is going to blow your mind to absolute shreds. I'm positive of it. Because he is the record holder for all time appearances on this show and interviews on this show. A living member, the first living member of the Kill Tony hall of fame, ladies and gentlemen. You might know him as the Montenegro Mer. The Memphis Strangler. The Vanilla Gorilla. This is the Big Red Machine. William Montgomery.

[William Montgomery]

Quick pro tip, if you ever get to meet Bone Thugs in Harmony, don't ask, which one of you is Harmony. I used to seal the deal with girls in college by going to their apartment and offering to clean their bathroom. And then I would unseal the deal by taking a shit afterwards. I'm starting an ultimate Frisbee fantasy league and we're already bankrupt. One rule I did have to enforce on the league was hacky sack is illegal in the off season. We're hurting their ankles. Okay. Connection between Hacky Sack and.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Fuck.

[William Montgomery]

Ultimate Frisbee, Tony. I actually recently invented an anti gravity bong. It doesn't work, but I was also pretty high when I invented it. Okay, that's my time. Thank you, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

William. Lights out Montgomery, the great gumball of the north. The one and the only William Montgomery.

[William Montgomery]

Jared Nathan got wheeled out of the front of this fucking building. He literally came up into the green room, vomiting, sick as shit. He had a fever and they literally wheeled him out like 10 pounds minutes ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you serious?

[George Kratchik]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Wait, shut up.

[William Montgomery]

No, seriously, he seemed really sick. Y' all really. Y' all disinfected this, right? I swear to God, he literally fell out. He vomited a bunch in the freaking green room. And I had been joking the whole time that Jared Nathan seemed super sick. And you know me, Tony. I'm kind of a germaphobe person. And then he starts vomiting and he hits his head a little bit on the ground. It really wasn't that. Seriously, it wasn't that bad. But they had to get him out in a stretcher out front.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you serious? Yeah.

[Chris Reeves]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Holy.

[William Montgomery]

So I'm just happy to be here right now. And literally. No, seriously. I mean, I was excited about being here tonight and everything. And then I'm joking with his ass. I'm like, don't. Don't touch me. You seem so sick. He literally kept on trying to touch me. He was joking around and he stutters a bunch. So it can be hard to kind of understand what he's even saying to my ass. I just try to be nice. But he ended up vomiting and all

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

of that at once. He started vomiting and hit his head.

[William Montgomery]

He vomited a bunch and he made this weird noise and we all kind of look at him. And it got on Janice a little bit. Red bands Janice? Yeah, I got on her a little bit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red bands. Girlfriend, soon to be wife, Janice. Did he stutter when he vomited? Was it like a mist? Like.

[William Montgomery]

No, he seemed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't feel so. I don't feel so.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, yeah, it was kind of like that. But no, it seemed like he was more scared.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. Well, a way to put a little ribbon of sadness on it there at the end. Absolutely incredible. Amazing. What's going on in your life, William, you're a superstar.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, my gosh.

[William Montgomery]

Finally have two. I was in Connecticut this past weekend. It was fun. It was in a mall. Had a good time in Connecticut. The club, though, Tony, they promised me they were going to get me two pizza. I don't have a lot of my rider. All I have his throat coat, honey and soda waters with limes. I don't ask for a lot. Then on Saturday night, I try to get a pizza from a place called Pepe's, and they swore to me they were ordering my two pizzas, and they didn't come at all.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then I. Oh, my goodness.

[William Montgomery]

Start thinking they hate me or so I really start wondering if the free.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's like an issue with the right. You wanted your Pepes.

[Joe DeRosa]

You're gonna eat two pizzas, huh? You were gonna eat two.

[Luke Wright]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Chris Distefano]

They are good. They're thin crust.

[William Montgomery]

We've been really hungry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What were the. What were the toppings that you went with on these two pizzas, Tony?

[William Montgomery]

What did I not have on those? We had anchovies all that thick.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, oh, oh, oh. Ooh.

[Bruno Oliveira]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's going on? I think you have what Jared has. What? Just.

[William Montgomery]

No, my throat started hurting a little bit. Right on that. I luckily two weeks off. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tony, it's bad if you scream at all. Your throat clenches up now.

[William Montgomery]

It hurt right there.

[Joe DeRosa]

Hold on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is. I had. This is like a tomato. Oh, my goodness gracious. The people are not going to enjoy this. This is like if Gallagher came down with a watermelon allergy. One of your trademarks is it hurts so bad.

[William Montgomery]

Hold on. What else I had like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wait, wait. I think your throat hurting might be hilarious. Hold on a second.

[William Montgomery]

No, it really hurts.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tony, what else was on the pizza?

[William Montgomery]

Oh, yeah, Peppo Ron on that. No, that one really hurt. That one really hurt.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is all just on one pizza. Is. Is that all? Is that all?

[William Montgomery]

It's like a supreme. Supreme.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that. It's a supreme. Okay, what was on the other pizza?

[William Montgomery]

Oh, extra cheese.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, maybe that's a better way to. Okay, we can see him clenching up. Ladies and gentlemen, this is incredible. A whole new storyline to keep your eyes on. William can no longer. What else was on the second pizza? Tell us.

[William Montgomery]

We had iceberg.

[Joe DeRosa]

Let us know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's it. You got iceberg. Why does that never even hurt? Heard of such a thing before Connecticut.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, it was like a hamburger pizza.

[Jared Nathan]

Oh.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, it's good.

[William Montgomery]

Extra cheese, iceberg, lettuce.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was there sour?

[Chris Distefano]

It's.

[William Montgomery]

It's just kind of that.

[Drew Santana]

It's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Extra cheese, iceberg lettuce. I go to hamburger pizza because it kind of reminds me of a Big Mac.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ooh. What else was on it?

[William Montgomery]

Was there some thousand eyelid trashing?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, okay. Only me and Red man find this amusing for some reason. Every once in a while, you just gotta enjoy it. I love it. So you didn't get your Pepe's pizzas. What did you end up eating that night? It's a lonely road out there, especially almost more than anywhere in Connecticut.

[William Montgomery]

I got two orders of chicken wings to go. And it was kind of funny. One of Dan Madonia, who, you know, he was one of the guys who's on the show. It was very fun. And I guess he farted. When I finally opened up my chicken wings and I thought immediately my brain equated it with the chicken being spoiled because it smelled kind of like spoiled chicken. But it was actually just his farts. So then I ended up forcing myself to eat it, watching Forensic Files in the hotel room after. It was cold. It was gross, but wow, it was fun. Slept an hour and a half.

[Drew Santana]

Half.

[William Montgomery]

Rest in peace. To Marianne Romero, Erica's sweet grandmother. She passed away on Friday.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Shout outs to your girlfriend's dead grandmother. That part is real, ladies and gentlemen.

[William Montgomery]

Very sad. No red band, that actually. Red band. Normally, I just kind of don't think your stupid ass is funny because I think everybody kind of knows. I think you get lucky every now and again. But it was kind of. That genuinely was a little offensive. So if you can say you're sorry, I would appreciate it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm sorry, when you said shout out,

[Joe DeRosa]

I thought you meant, you know, shout out to my.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, like tlc.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, I get it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Wow. So your girlfriend's grandmother passed away. She's up in heaven, eating. She's up in heaven.

[William Montgomery]

She's wonderful. She was so hospitable to me. That's when I was living in la, just doing my cocaine, drinking my butt ices all night long. She was so very nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, I do remember.

[William Montgomery]

To me, I greatly appreciate her love for me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's very enabling to your bad habits. I remember that now. She's up there eating Pepe's pizza.

[William Montgomery]

Tony,

[Joe DeRosa]

you can have all the toppings you want in heaven. Did you know that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. So, William, what else? How do we put a ribbon on this thing? Tell these people what's going on in your life.

[William Montgomery]

Well, the election is coming up. I just hope everybody Is registered to vote.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What's that thing called? What's that thing called? The. The thingy. There's a place you can go to register to vote.

[Joe DeRosa]

The polls.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And this episode is.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, Go to the polls this year

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

brought to you by them. Yes, you can also register there. Oh, yeah, that is kind of a thing. I get it now.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. Register to vote. Go to the polls. Go to actually voice your opinion. You got to go to the polls. You can't just register. You have to go to the polls. That's how you mode everyone in this room and pray for Jerry Nathan. Seriously, Jerry Nathan. Jared Nathan. Pray for Jared Nathan. He really was not good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jared, a Canadian is probably voting three times in this election if we know anything about how it works. But if you go to send the vote.org Tony, you can register to vote. So. But vote for the right person. Person. Because if you like this show, I'll tell you, they already make us bleep certain words. And there's one of the candidates that isn't exactly that big on free speech. I'm not going to give anything away.

[Soul]

Thank you, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you're welcome, Mr. President. William, we love you. Nice to be here, William. Lights out, Montgomery. The vanilla gorilla. The Memphis strangler. The Montana negro mauler. The Virginia ham. In this room, the drawing from Ryan je belt is in and it's incredible. Chris distepo's on tour. Get tickets of Christy comedy going to Phoenix and Miami. Chrissy chaos. He's also putting out long clips of his standup on YouTube every Sunday at Chris D comedy on YouTube. That's c h r I s d comedy and yeah, that's great. Joe derosa, ladies and gentlemen, makes noise for Joe. Joe Derosa.com. he's doing Christmas show in Massachusetts December 7th. He also has the great Joey roses. One of my favorite sandwich shops in the world. Fully operational in New York city. Hopefully coming here to Austin, Texas.

[Joe DeRosa]

We hope so. We hope so. We hope so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A lot of great stuff happening. Thanks to hello fresh and mando for sponsoring this episode. How about one more time for the best stamp band in the land, Everybody. Red band.

[Joe DeRosa]

Guys, check out sunsetstripatx.com Love you guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you, guys. Good night, everybody. Love you. Bye bye. Is now dumber for having listened to it. Everyone in this room, Everyone. Everyone in this room, everyone in this room, everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. Everyone in this room, everyone in this room, everyone in this room is now dumber. Everyone in this room is now. Everyone in this room Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. Everyone in this room, Everyone Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. Everyone in this room, everyone Everyone in this room Everyone in this room is now dumber.