#739 - ELAINE + SAM TALLENT + MIKE FEENEY

Summary

Kill Tony #739 – ELAINE + SAM TALLENT + MIKE FEENEY

Date: October 14, 2025
Location: Comedy Mothership, Austin, Texas
Guests: Elaine, Sam Tallent, Mike Feeney
Special Appearance: Pauly Shore
Host Panel: Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban, D Madness

---

Episode Overview

This high-energy episode of Kill Tony, recorded live at the Comedy Mothership, features a three-panel setup with returning favorites: the always outrageous Elaine, razor-sharp Sam Tallent, and crowd-pleaser Mike Feeney. As always, aspiring stand-ups get one minute on stage, receiving raw, often hilarious feedback from hosts and the panel. The night is peppered with off-the-wall moments, memorable jokes, and a surprise drop-in by Pauly Shore.

---

Key Segments, Comedians & Highlights

[02:19] - Panel Introduction & Tone Setting

• Tony Hinchcliffe: “This is a three panel night. Three fucking panelists. You guys are in for such a special treat as I introduce Elaine, Sam Tallent and Mike Feeney.”
• Elaine sets the rowdy tone with rapid-fire, self-deprecating humor about her sketchy hotel experience.
  • "There's blood on the sheets, there's cum on the floor, and say it with me: no breakfast!" (03:32, Elaine)
• Sam Tallent riffs, “I was gonna talk about staying at the La Quinta and say I was ready for the greatest night of my fucking life, but here we are.” (04:32)

---

[06:26] - Comedian #1: Danny Martinello (Golden Ticket Winner)

Set:

• Jokes about being a white Canadian on a Brooklyn rap tour
• Debate with friends about time-travel and modern medicine (“At what point do you think a man would ever listen to you in the 1400s?”)

Panel Feedback:

• Tony does a Canadian impression; panel riffs on Canadian culture.
• Sam Tallent: “It's just fun to hear a Canadian guy be racist, you know?” (08:33)
• Elaine asks Danny to say “toilet” just for the accent (08:24).
• Danny discusses how little Americans know about Canadian icons (Joey Moss, Terry Fox).
• Audience learns Danny’s hero is Steve Irwin.

---

[12:18] - Comedian #2: Wilson

Set:

• Dark can-based puns: “How many cans of beer does it take to kill a man? I don't know, but it only took me one to kill that eight year old.”
• ALS story about his father; culminates with, “...I was more mad about [the empty ice cream] than not saying goodbye.”

Panel Feedback:

• Elaine gives an applause break: "Oh, I loved it. I love a good homeless guy. You know, I let a homeless guy titty fuck me in the 90s for charity." (13:55)
• Discussion of Wilson’s background: Austin native, landscaper, lost dad to ALS, takes care of family.
• Touching, real exchange about grief, beekeeping, and finding humor in hard experience.

---

[20:24] - Comedian #3: Medina (First-Ever State Rep on Kill Tony)

Set:

• Jokes about biracial identity, vitiligo (“My body is gentrifying itself…”)
• Kids asking about her skin: “My mom told me to do something and I didn't listen and she smacked the black off me.”

Panel Feedback:

• The revelation: actual Delaware State Rep, going through a divorce.
  • “Democrats and Republicans all suck.” (24:49)
• Panel stuns at her candidness and wit.
• Medina opens up about stress/disease, running for office, and riding the Greyhound to Austin.
• Political and racial humor lands well; panel admires her courage to do stand-up.

---

[31:58] - Comedian #4: Dex

Set:

• Absurdist one-liners and wordplay (“I look like Corinthians 4:20.”, “Sometimes I think porn is addicted to me…”)
• Discusses bipolar diagnosis, road-tripping in van, mental health stories.

Panel Feedback:

• Dex details a manic episode: “I went schizophrenic on a river trip and those 17 people don't hang out with me.” (38:52)
• Elaine: “Do you want to titty me in your van tonight? I really like your style.” (39:14)
• Dex is invited to the Secret Show—everyone is charmed and supportive.
• Mike Feeney: “You got good jokes. You got a mental illness. You're kind of perfect for the show.” (38:23)

---

[45:37] – Comedian #5: Busco Jones

Set & Feedback:

• Jokes about mistaken sexuality, being “nice to women,” and marriage vs. mistress ("Marriage...rhymes with mortgage—it’s not a happy word. Happy word is mistress.”).
• Sam Tallent: “You have a confidence, and you're, like, calm. It's just when the jokes catch up to that, I think you're really gonna have something.”
• Busco talks about fathering twins, working in real estate, and moving on from the pizza place.

---

[50:10] – Comedian #6: Andrew Wolf (Australian Comic; Panel Favorite)

Set:

• Wild energy, jokes about American gun culture, self-awareness.
• Riffs on plastic surgery, sex education.
• Tony: “You seem like a heart surgeon after Dex.” (52:20)

Panel/Interview Highlights:

• Andrew describes being a former successful stockbroker turned bipolar comic who lost $1.4 million.
• Memorable story: “I called the suicide hotline…The guy said, ‘If I had $1.4 million, I’d quit this job and leave immediately.'” (57:21)
• Panel jokes about Perth’s isolation and Wolf’s frantic stage presence.

---

[60:57] – Surprise Drop-In: Pauly Shore

• Walks onstage, joke: “Well, I'm also bisexual, so that's…” (61:10)
• Riffs on Jewish giving: “We mostly just give to other Jews, right?” (62:48)
• Shares stories about conventions and longtime career as a crowd favorite.

---

[64:30] – Comedian #7: Frankie Magoo

Set & Feedback:

• Bit about privacy, relationships, old messages on devices.
• Panel notes lack of punchlines:
  • Tony: “Your life is so perfect. Between the two comedians up here, they had 15 personalities and you have zero.” (68:17)
  • Elaine: “You earned yourself a titty grab.” (68:54)
• Panel pushes for vulnerability; Frankie jokes about being an Alabama grad, real estate work, but can't connect.
• The audience boos on command; panel tells him to lean into being the “wealthy villain heel.”

---

[77:13] – Comedian #8: Fang Chow

Set & Feedback:

• Jokes about anti-Asian sentiment, pride in being Chinese (“Chinese people make number one virus, kill everybody!”).
• Discusses moving from LA, his Comedy Store roots.
• Reveals he was stabbed during the pandemic by a neighbor for “being Chinese.” Chilling but handled with deft humor.
  • Tony and Redban criticize how media coverage might provoke violence; Fang agrees.

---

[88:35] – Later Bucket Spots

1. Patrick Cassidy: Jokes about lesbian porn, time machines, accidental killing of parents with comedy (“I went from the biggest high to the lowest low…” 91:55). Panel jokes now he’s the “grim reaper of relatives.”
2. Big Chuck: Mushroom breakfast cereal; panel riffs on his name and energy.
3. Matthew Coffin: “Trump as the dick we hired to fuck the pussies and assholes.” Recaps childhood heart surgery, traumatic injuries, dad stories, and wrestling training.
4. Law Coger: Hilarious thoughts from meditation (“Do real plants look at fake plants and think, why is this [n-word] not breathing?”). Discusses dating and “misbehaving hoes,” outstanding crowd work.

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

• Elaine: “You still look hungry, Redband. You look like you drowned two weeks ago.” [03:32]
• Sam Tallent (about Dex): “It’s like we got high through osmosis when you came out.” [36:16]
• Mike Feeney (about Frankie Magoo): “The problem is they were expecting jokes, and that’s why it’s not smug there. It’s confusion and disdain and anger.” [70:04]
• Pauly Shore: “Well, I'm also bisexual, so that's…” [61:10]
• Andrew Wolf: “Turns out, bipolar's a hell of a drug. Hey, it fucks me up.” [55:40]
• Medina: “Democrats and Republicans all suck.” [24:49]
• Fang Chow: “I'm alive. It’s not that scary.” (on being stabbed) [84:38]
• Dex: “Do you want to titty me in your van tonight? I really like your style…” [39:14]

---

Best Moments & Surprises

• [31:58] Dex’s Interview: Honest, vulnerable, and hilarious talk about mental illness, traveling in a van, and a river trip gone manic. Dex gets booked on the Secret Show.
• [57:21] Andrew Wolf’s Suicide Hotline Story: Both gut-wrenching and darkly funny, a story that brings the crowd and panel together.
• [62:00] Pauly Shore’s Drop-In: Adds celebrity energy and classic “Weasel” humor.
• [126:05] Elaine’s Song: Closes out the night with a Kill Tony-style rendition of "Tonight Will Be The Greatest Night Of My Life," celebrating madness, diversity, and titty jokes. (“Call me for a titty fuck. Just a white man. Call me for a titty.”)

---

Episode Closing

William Montgomery does a tight, sweaty minute and the stage is packed for the group finale as Elaine sings. Panel offers career advice, commiserates about health, trauma, and the highs/lows of comedy. The band, crowd, and comics are all in sync by the end, making this a classic example of Kill Tony chaos at its best.

---

Additional Timestamps

• Danny Martinello’s Set: [06:26–07:41]
• Wilson’s Set/Interview: [12:18–19:19]
• Medina’s Set/Interview: [20:24–29:56]
• Dex’s Set/Interview: [31:58–44:44]
• Busco Jones: [45:37–49:36]
• Andrew Wolf: [50:10–60:37]
• Pauly Shore Walk-On: [60:57–63:01]
• Frankie Magoo: [64:30–75:50]
• Fang Chow: [77:13–87:43]
• Closing Musical Number: [126:05]

---

Summary

This episode features a wild ride through sincere vulnerability, rapid-fire joke battles, and the electric unpredictability of live comedy. From Dex’s mental health honesty to Medina’s political humor, Andrew Wolf’s tales of loss, and the ever-chaotic energy of Elaine, it's a must-listen for fans wanting both hilarity and heart. Standout moments include surprise guests, vulnerable confessions, and crowd interactions that top off a night of true Kill Tony unpredictability.

---

For more:
Visit Deathsquad.tv, follow all the panelists, and check out upcoming shows at the Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, TX.

Transcript

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is Redband and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network.

[Brian Redband]

This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify, and

[Brian Redband]

anywhere you get podcasts.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Check out tonyhinchcliffe.com for everything.

[Brian Redband]

The Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe. You can also check out shopsquad TV for Death Squad merch hats, mugs, whatever, Shop Squad tv.

[Patrick Cassidy]

And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

[D Madness]

Hey, this is Reddit coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in

[Brian Redband]

Austin, Texas, for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up for Tony.

[D Madness]

It's cl. Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Make some fucking noise for Brian Redband. And how about one more time for the best damn band in all the land. Ladies and gentlemen, Raul Vallejo. Fernando Castillo, Carlos Sosa, Michael Gonzalez and Nachos Belgrande. The great Matt Muhling on the electric guitar. John Dees, the leader of the band on the keys, and believe it or not, live in the flesh. This is D Madness, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, my God. This episode's brought to you by ExpressVPN,

[Brian Redband]

Shopify and Prize Picks. This episode is un. Unbelievable. Here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. You guys ready to start tonight's show?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How many of you consider yourselves big fans of Kill Tony? Well, you're in for a special treat.

[Brian Redband]

Every week I book this mama jama as good as I possibly can.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is a three panel night. Three fucking panelists.

[Brian Redband]

You guys are in for such a

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

special treat as I introduce Elaine, Sam Tallent and Mike Feeney.

[D Madness]

Oh, my God. Sam. Talent, Mike Feeney and Elaine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Elaine is here, ladies and gentlemen. She looks awfully familiar. Looks like a hall of famer. A guest of the year. Reigning, defending.

[Brian Redband]

But you, she's a sweet lady.

[Elaine]

Comedy mothership. How we doing? Make some fucking noise. If you feel good about this song.

[D Madness]

I can't hear you. Make some fucking noise.

[Elaine]

Let me just say this real quick. Tony, good to see you. You still look hungry, Red band. You look like you drowned two weeks ago. I'm staying at a La Quinta Inn just down the street. My friend Tony Caruso got me a hookup on the room. But let me say this about the hotel. There's blood on the sheets, there's cum on the floor and say it with me. No breakfast. Hit me, Mike. Let's get it going.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Elaine is here, ladies and gentlemen, live in the flesh. Looking an awfully an Awful lot like one of the greatest guests in the

[Brian Redband]

history of the show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Mike Feeney is here, ladies and gentlemen. Sandwiched in between two of the greatest

[Brian Redband]

guests ever, a sweet, sweet man, Mike Feeney.

[Mike Feeney]

Excited to be back. And I don't know about you guys, but I'm ready for the best night of my life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How about that? There you go. Mike Feeney gets it. And another multiple time freak of nature

[Brian Redband]

guest, One of the highest ranked guests in the history of the show, one of the smartest people, one of the greatest standup comedians in the world, Sam Tallent is here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah.

[Sam Tallent]

I mean, I was gonna talk about staying at the La Quinta and say I was ready for the greatest night of my fucking life, but here we are. So I'm also happy to be here and it's truly a pleasure to meet you, Elaine.

[Elaine]

I've been following you on Facebook since January 6th and you've been making a lot of great posts.

[D Madness]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sam Tallent]

Well, someone's gotta say something now that Charlie's gone. You know,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

ExpressVPN, Shopify and Prize Picks brings you this episode.

[Elaine]

Yeah, let's cut to a commercial. Where's Dr. Phil when you need him?

[Brian Redband]

This is so exciting to have you

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

guys, you guys all been on the show before.

[Brian Redband]

You know how it works. But maybe somebody brought their liberal girlfriend tonight to the show and they might not know exactly what's going on. Over 300 human souls signed up for the opportunity to possibly get one minute of standup comedy on this stage so that they can show off to the millions of viewers at home. They get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. They have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. And then I conduct an interview with them and they get feedback from this amazing estate, esteemed panel of geniuses, and anything can happen. The whole thing's improvised. Are you guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So here's the deal. Starting tonight's show, we have a golden

[Brian Redband]

ticket winner from the great country of Canada, ladies and gentlemen. He just won. His last appearance was on the Netflix episode where he won a four person immediate, immediate killer be killed turbo round to do the arena here in Austin, Texas on New Year's Eve. So it's been a while since we've seen him. This is a brand new minute from

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Danny Martinello, ladies and gentlemen. Makes the noise for Danny.

[Danny Martinello]

I was out in New York City and while I was there, a couple of My buddies wanted to go on, like, a rap tour to see where all, like, the Brooklyn rappers grew up. So we went there. And while we were walking around, my buddy goes, hey, man, wouldn't it be sick if we had a time machine right now? I said, why? He goes, because then we could go back in time and then be part of the culture when they were alive and walk around the same footsteps as they did. I was like, yeah, I'm all right on that, dude, to be honest. You know, just as a white guy from Canada, I'm not going back to a Brooklyn ghetto in the late 80s to get robbed at gunpoint, you know? And then his wife pipes up and she goes, yeah, well, you guys are stupid, and you would use a time machine for something dumb like that. And I said, well, what would you use it for, right? She goes, well, I'd probably make a difference in the world. I'd use my education to advance civilization. I said, oh, that's great, but what would you do? She goes, well, I'd go back in time to the 1400s and teach people modern medicine. Back then, I had to look at her and go, at what point do you think a man would ever listen to you in the 1400s, let alone take a medical intervention? You know, they'd be like, oh, you have a cure for my ailment? Well, see if you float. That's exactly what they would do.

[Big Chuck]

One word.

[Danny Martinello]

They'd be like, get her, boys.

[Brian Redband]

The bitch is a witch.

[Busco Jones]

You know

[Dex]

one.

[Wilson]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you.

[Danny Martinello]

One person liked it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Danny Martinello. Welcome back, Danny.

[Brian Redband]

How are you?

[Danny Martinello]

I'm doing pretty good, thanks to what's

[Brian Redband]

been going on in life. Has your life changed at all since being on Netflix's Kill Tony?

[Elaine]

No, not.

[Brian Redband]

Well, yeah, sort of.

[Fang Chow]

Yeah.

[Andrew Wolf]

But nothing.

[Danny Martinello]

Nothing too crazy. Some doors have opened, for sure.

[Brian Redband]

But what kind of doors have opened?

[Danny Martinello]

Well, you know. Well, you know, the front door, the back door, and the side of the shed, too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Canadians, I'll tell you, they can't help themselves.

[Brian Redband]

So.

[Danny Martinello]

Well, it's great to be Canadian here, because as soon as I walk in, all you guys start talking like me. So it's pretty welcoming.

[Brian Redband]

Well, it's kind of contagious.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It gets airborne and anybody.

[Danny Martinello]

Wow, Tony, Absolutely beautiful impression.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That doesn't sound like me. You cannot hide your disgusting Canadian twang.

[Elaine]

Yeah, I do like your accent. Say the word toilet for me.

[Danny Martinello]

Toilet.

[Elaine]

Hilarious.

[Brian Redband]

Sam Talon, what do you think about this, man?

[Sam Tallent]

It's just fun to hear a Canadian guy be racist, you know?

[Elaine]

Really?

[Sam Tallent]

The accent belies, you know, the things you're saying. Which is a nice, charming trick to use up there.

[Fang Chow]

Yeah.

[Sam Tallent]

But, you know, it's like, oh, black people are dangerous.

[D Madness]

Yeah.

[Big Chuck]

Better lock their car doors.

[Danny Martinello]

There's a lot of them coming to town lately. All right, well, that was a hard no from you guys. Well, sick when Sam does it, but when I. You're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Sam Tallent]

Well, it's because I'm faking it.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

it's an impression.

[Elaine]

Very funny. Very funny.

[Brian Redband]

Elaine, you ever been to Canada?

[Elaine]

I have been to. I went to a Toronto Blue Jays game. I used to let Joe Carter titty me in the 90s.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Elaine]

Shout out to Joseph, wherever he is. They've got great poutine up there. Poutine. Have you ever had poutine?

[Brian Redband]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

yeah. Unbelievable.

[Sam Tallent]

This Canadian, your impression was better than Tony.

[Elaine]

Well, easy, easy. I want to come back to. Come back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's an amazing impression. I mean, she is an amazing impression.

[D Madness]

Oh, yeah.

[Sam Tallent]

No one's better than Elaine.

[Elaine]

We're really doing it. Red band.

[D Madness]

Yeah, Elaine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That sounds familiar.

[Elaine]

Come on. I've seen the show. I've seen the.

[Brian Redband]

You. You watch the show?

[Elaine]

Oh, yeah. Every. Every night when I play with my.

[Brian Redband]

Who are your favorite guests?

[Elaine]

Oh, I like that Estonian guy. I like the black guy. I like the Asian guy. There's the wheelchair girl. She's fun. Boy, I don't know, but. Oh, boy. Can you.

[Sam Tallent]

Can you narrow it down?

[Elaine]

Marvin Williams, fellow Canadian. He's a funny guy.

[Danny Martinello]

Yes.

[Sam Tallent]

Yes, he is.

[Elaine]

Who was your hero growing up, Daniel?

[Danny Martinello]

Probably.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like.

[Danny Martinello]

I don't know, dude, I really like Steve Irwin. I'm not going to lie. When I grow up, I did know my mom let me stay home in the Stingray.

[Fang Chow]

Got him.

[Danny Martinello]

And I watched the funeral service. I cried for two days. It was tough.

[D Madness]

Cracking.

[Brian Redband]

That is some Canadian bullshit if I've ever heard it. My. My hero was Steve Irwin.

[Dex]

Yeah.

[Elaine]

Yeah. How come I wasn't Rick Moranis?

[Danny Martinello]

I don't know. Joey Moss is pretty sick, too. Growing up watching him.

[Sam Tallent]

Who the fuck is that?

[Danny Martinello]

Joey Moss was the equipment manager for the Edmonton Oilers. He was Wayne Gretzky's, like, girlfriend at the time and that. Well, like his brother.

[Sam Tallent]

Sorry.

[Danny Martinello]

And then he became the equipment manager. But then he was a staple in the Edmonton scene. And he's just a good positive.

[Sam Tallent]

How little your culture touches us. That guy's probably on a fucking stamp up there. And I'm like, o. Did he do Bang Wayne gre? No.

[Law Coger]

I don't know.

[Danny Martinello]

And then you Go. What you got like Terry Fox and. But like all.

[Sam Tallent]

Wait, the Terry Fox?

[Danny Martinello]

Terry Fox? Yeah, he ran.

[Sam Tallent]

I have no idea who that is.

[Danny Martinello]

Well, you guys are asking me about Canada. You guys don't even know, but it's whatever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, we don't even know.

[Elaine]

We don't even know.

[Danny Martinello]

This is what you've been waiting for. The whole time Tony's just been lighting me up, being like, one day I will really get you. And this is it.

[Sam Tallent]

When he says that, is he talking through a trach scar?

[Danny Martinello]

Yeah, he is smoking a cigarette, going,

[Elaine]

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You watch that. You're going to have one of those one day.

[Brian Redband]

All right?

[Sam Tallent]

Say so.

[Elaine]

I have a lot of friends with tracheotomies.

[Brian Redband]

You do?

[Elaine]

Most of my friends. Well, most of my friends are dead or have aids, but most of them that are alive have tracheotomies because we smoke a lot. I love to smoke. I see you smoke. Let's mark one up, bitch.

[Brian Redband]

All right, we're going to Elaine. Let's get Danny out of here.

[Dex]

Danny, good job.

[Brian Redband]

Way to get the show started.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Danny Martinello. I'll light one up right after this bucket pool gets called. Danny did 60 seconds, but now we're to the bucket. This is where gets crazy.

[Brian Redband]

We don't know these people. Very rarely have we ever seen them before.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Everyone's hoping to have the best possible time of their lives up here. Anything can happen. This is 60 seconds from what looks

[Brian Redband]

like a new name. Make some noise for Wilson, everybody.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A one word name.

[D Madness]

Wilson.

[Wilson]

Howdy. How many cans of beer does it take to kill a man? I don't know, but it only took me one to kill that eight year old. Speaking of cans, I never really understood the canned food drive. This goes mean, like, they're homeless, right? How they gonna open? I doubt they have a can opener, much less a stove. Guess they could see how many cans of food it takes to kill a man. Got a pretty good idea how many an 8 year old can handle.

[Matthew Coffin]

You know what I mean?

[Wilson]

So I lost my dad last year to als. There's a lot of little sad pits UPS comes with als. A lot of crushing moments. Lots of loss. Started with his ability to run. Eventually to walk. Now one day is his ability to eat or even breathe for himself. There's a lot of sad moments. So I can't tell you how psyched I was when I came in one morning to get him up and he was pitching a tent. I guess I'm the only one who's seen his dad rock hard and felt real joy. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Wilson. I liked it.

[Brian Redband]

40 seconds of straight Cannes comedy crushing. Unbelievable. Very rarely do people do that well with canned jokes. That was great. Never thought about the homeless thing before. You got a fucking full applause break from Elaine.

[Elaine]

Oh, I loved it. I love a good homeless guy. You know, I let a homeless guy titty fuck me in the 90s for charity.

[Brian Redband]

Oh, Sam Talon.

[Sam Tallent]

Was it in Toronto?

[Elaine]

Yes, it was. Joe Carter.

[Wilson]

Oh.

[Sam Tallent]

Oh, hey, I. When you came out, you have one name. What's the one name thing all about?

[Wilson]

People like it because that movie Castaway, you know, they like screaming it now.

[Sam Tallent]

Who are people? Did you do a survey when you decided to.

[Wilson]

If we're being honest, it's all the substitute teachers I've ever had in my life. It just gets a. Wilson. Just scream. Wilson. Thinking they're comedians.

[Sam Tallent]

So when he came out as Wilson, did anyone else expect him to be a black man?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[Sam Tallent]

I did, too.

[Elaine]

I did not expect. I was hoping to look like John Lennon, sound like Keanu Reeves, and. And. And get a free titty from me after the show.

[D Madness]

Wow.

[Elaine]

Very attractive is what I'm saying. But the voice. The voice is something to be desired.

[Brian Redband]

Wilson, let's talk about it here. What do you do for work?

[Wilson]

I'm a landscaper.

[Brian Redband]

Wow. White landscaper. Amazing. The rare bird here in Austin.

[Wilson]

Yes, sir.

[Brian Redband]

How long have you lived here?

[Wilson]

Born, raised.

[Brian Redband]

Wow. Amazing. How long you been doing stand up?

[Wilson]

Just under a year.

[Brian Redband]

Okay.

[Sam Tallent]

Are you getting sexier?

[Brian Redband]

Yeah.

[Fang Chow]

Are you.

[Mike Feeney]

Are you lowering your voice as you're talking?

[Sam Tallent]

What's in your pocket? A modulator?

[Elaine]

Yeah. Show us your penis.

[Sam Tallent]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Elaine, Elaine.

[Sam Tallent]

Sorry.

[Elaine]

That's my new catchphrase. See me at the Tropicana next Thursday through Friday. Two days.

[Sam Tallent]

Don't be rude. Show the lady your penis.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, Wilson, don't do it.

[Elaine]

Don't do it.

[Brian Redband]

Don't do it, Wilson. Okay.

[Wilson]

Quit turning me on, man. We're in front of people.

[Brian Redband]

How old are you, Wilson?

[Wilson]

I am 25.

[Brian Redband]

And you've been landscaping the whole time?

[Wilson]

Yes. I had a few jobs before that. My college dropout. I dropped out to take care of my dad.

[Brian Redband]

Okay. When did your dad pass away?

[Wilson]

Last year.

[Brian Redband]

And what was he doing with his life up until that point?

[Wilson]

So he made all of his money as a real estate owner. He had his own business bailing people out of the 2008 tax crisis or the housing crisis.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah.

[Wilson]

So that's how he made all of his money buy the loans from the bank and then got it cover it.

[Brian Redband]

Amazing. Als, an unbelievably terrible disease. The late, great Michael Lehrer had it. One of the greatest regulars in the history of the show. One of the funniest people and one of my old best friends. It's terrible to watch people go, is that Lou Gehrig's?

[Wilson]

Yes, sir.

[Sam Tallent]

Did he get a tit, Elaine? Because of that?

[Elaine]

He would have.

[Patrick Cassidy]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The best way is charity.

[Wilson]

Like, my joke was real. His dick did still work for surprisingly long time.

[Brian Redband]

They do work. Michael is banging his nurse down to the finish line.

[Wilson]

It's wild.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah. And he started to say, you know, you remember Michael Lehrer from the show? And he started to sound like that. Everybody sounds like that towards the end. How long after his diagnosis did he pass away?

[Wilson]

Three years.

[Medina]

That's.

[Brian Redband]

That's normally the thing. It's terrible. Was, did anything funny happen? As in your last hello or goodbye or anything? Well, yeah, other than rock hard cop.

[D Madness]

Yeah.

[Sam Tallent]

Such a throbbing erection on his deathbed.

[Wilson]

So. So when he passed away, I just gotten back from going out. My girlfriend and so he had passed before I was, it'll say bye. And I had always thought that I would say goodbye. So I went in after he'd passed away. And I remember that he was like, greener than I had pictured someone to look when they had passed away.

[Elaine]

Yeah.

[Wilson]

And I remember I went up to my room, you know, I drank a bunch, cried a lot. And I remember I'd had some mint chip ice cream in the freezer, and that was my favorite.

[Elaine]

How long is your story, Elaine, for

[Brian Redband]

the love of fucking.

[Elaine]

I have to pee. I have to pee.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus fucking Christ.

[Wilson]

So I went down to get the mint chip ice cream to eat it. You know, I thought it'd make me feel better. And I picked it up as empty. I remembered how green his lips were. And for a little bit, I was more mad about that than not saying goodbye. I was like, you fucking ate my mint chip ice cream then fucking died.

[Brian Redband]

There it is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love that. I love that.

[Elaine]

Well, circle get to square.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah. Tell us something else crazy about you or your life. You have any special skills, talents, hobbies? Anything?

[Wilson]

Yeah. Love hunting, love fishing. I'm a beekeeper. Dad loved beekeeping.

[Brian Redband]

Wow.

[D Madness]

Wow.

[Wilson]

Yes. A lot of.

[Sam Tallent]

Can you look me in the eyes while you talk?

[Dex]

Yeah.

[Elaine]

Yeah, of course.

[Sam Tallent]

Because I'm pretty close.

[Wilson]

Yeah, man, I'm good.

[Sam Tallent]

I would love to shave your head. Ladies. Am I wrong? I've never felt more alone. All right. Hey. Never mind. You're kind of dreamy, Wilson.

[Wilson]

No, I get that a lot from men for sure.

[Sam Tallent]

So I'm just another slut.

[Brian Redband]

But you have a girlfriend full time?

[Wilson]

I do. I do.

[Brian Redband]

What does she do?

[Wilson]

She works at a genetic research lab.

[Sam Tallent]

Is that you were made?

[Wilson]

Yeah. Right. Then I wouldn't have a dead dad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Elaine]

Christ. Way to suck the energy out of

[Brian Redband]

the room of a.

[Elaine]

Try to wait. How many bees do you keep at once? I was just kidding. I don't give a. All right, you give them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're not gonna be keeping you any longer. Wilson, great performance. Here's the big joke book. There you go, my friend Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, a fantastic bucket pool representing the Bucket tonight where anything can happen. That's his Kill Tony debut. Oh, my God. What a sight for my weary eyes. The great Heidi is here, ladies and gentlemen. Her brand new podcast is out. Heidy regina.com. we have another bucket pool. This looks like another new name, ladies and gentlemen. Make some noise for Medina, everybody. We're gonna meet Medina. All together now. Hey, guys.

[Medina]

So you can probably tell by looking at me my pronouns are usa. I usually walk out to Bruce Springsteen, born in the usa just in case they had my passport back there. I identify as biracial because my dad is black and my mom is African American. But my body. My body is gentrifying itself. Yeah. You know you have vitiligo. Cause it starts with a couple spots and then pretty soon you don't recognize the neighborhood anymore. It's just not what it used to be. Best part about having Vitiligo, though, is kids always come up to me and ask me, what happened to your hand? And I get to tell them, well, when I was your age, my mom told me to do something and I didn't listen and she smacked the black off me. Listen to your parents. I'll leave it there. Thanks, guys. My name's Medina.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Medina. I love it. First time on the show.

[Brian Redband]

Welcome. How long you been on stand up?

[Medina]

Three years.

[Brian Redband]

Three years? Where at?

[Medina]

Philly region. I'm from Delaware.

[Brian Redband]

Okay. Represent Philly? Absolutely. Hell yeah. All right. Awesome. And again, I missed it. It was going so fast. What are your parents? What's the mash up here?

[Medina]

Black and black, black and black.

[Brian Redband]

Okay. All right. So the burka kind of comes out of nowhere there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Medina]

Think Malcolm X.

[Brian Redband]

Okay.

[Sam Tallent]

Yeah, I always do.

[Brian Redband]

I love it. What do you do for a living?

[Medina]

I am a state representative.

[Brian Redband]

Oh, my God.

[Medina]

Official in Delaware. Like where at Delaware State House.

[Brian Redband]

Holy.

[Medina]

Yeah.

[Sam Tallent]

How pissed are they going to be that you're on this show?

[Brian Redband]

This Is wild.

[Sam Tallent]

This is crazy.

[Medina]

Yeah. And I just had my birthday and I'm getting divorced.

[Law Coger]

Whoa.

[Brian Redband]

I love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah.

[Brian Redband]

So the relationship, like your skin was a bit patchy? A little bit,

[Sam Tallent]

yeah.

[Brian Redband]

How long were you married to this guy?

[Medina]

12 years.

[Brian Redband]

12 years. Oh, my God. Why did it end? Can I ask?

[Medina]

Well, I'll just tell you. A week after we separated, my eyelids started filling in. So, like, my skin turned. Turn brown again.

[Brian Redband]

So that's a good thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it.

[Medina]

Yeah, it's like stress induced. So wait, break that down.

[Elaine]

So you. So it was like some sort of reverse Sammy. So what are you talking about?

[D Madness]

Yeah,

[Elaine]

so wait, so it started. So it was wider than it started getting.

[Medina]

Yeah, they were both completely white. And then I looked in the mirror the other day and I was like, huh. I guess getting divorced was the right decision.

[Elaine]

Well, it's his loss. What was. What's your favorite? What is your favorite?

[Brian Redband]

If it could be my favorite? Your favorite what?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You didn't even finish the question that you're not supposed to be asking.

[Medina]

I mean, specifically, I do have favorites.

[Elaine]

The favorite, the type is like, would you prefer it to be brown or not brown?

[Brian Redband]

What the fuck, Elaine? Are you asking her what her favorite color is?

[D Madness]

Think of.

[Brian Redband]

Before you ask a question, think about what you're asking.

[Patrick Cassidy]

She's.

[Sam Tallent]

She's from a different time, Tony.

[Elaine]

Okay, look, I used to. For Joan Rivers. We could say the N word at breakfast. Okay, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Elaine]

I'm so sorry. I'm a big fan though.

[Medina]

I mean, my favorite white patches are my eyelids.

[Elaine]

Yes.

[Medina]

Because it's better for eyeshadow.

[Sam Tallent]

Yes, you're telling me.

[Medina]

But I miss my brown lip liner that I had like my built in lip liner. I do miss that. That's a good question. Thank you. They're on you. But I think it's a question.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are a politician. I'm just gonna say a true politician.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah, Great question.

[Sam Tallent]

You don't want to lose your constituents. Yeah. The elderly are a big block.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah. Trust me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is a mail in ballot if I've ever seen one.

[Brian Redband]

Right here. We call it the ballot box.

[Elaine]

Whoa, Someone just talked themselves out of a titty. Keep up that link.

[Sam Tallent]

I keep losing weight. I can do myself.

[Brian Redband]

How long have you been.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Brian Redband]

How long have you been a state representative for?

[Medina]

I'm going into my sixth year.

[Brian Redband]

Oh, my God. So tell us about that. Tell us what? Some things that you didn't expect about that job. We've never had a state representative on the show before. This is amazing.

[Medina]

Oh, amazing. Okay. I Would say, I wish that we had a light. Like, I wish my colleagues only had so much time because they just go on and on.

[Sam Tallent]

Yeah.

[Medina]

What else about it? Democrats and Republicans all suck.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Exactly. I agree with that.

[Elaine]

Rock and roll.

[Brian Redband]

People think I'm a Republican all the time. They just think I'm a staunch Republican. But it's not that way at all.

[Sam Tallent]

You're just rich. It happens.

[Brian Redband]

Common sense centrists that just saw in the last election that there was only one option. You're considered a Democrat, though, correct?

[Medina]

Yeah, but I'm, like, very far left.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Brian Redband]

I could tell by the everything. But you have an amazing sense of humor. This is incredible that you would come to this show and do it. So you're taking standup very seriously.

[Medina]

I took the Greyhound bus.

[D Madness]

You did?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Brian Redband]

Was it totally gray or was it kind of blue?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was blue.

[Elaine]

That's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us about the Greyhound bus.

[Medina]

7:25am Got on the Greyhound in Fort Worth and stopped in some random town, Hillsborough or something.

[Sam Tallent]

Okay. Was there.

[Brian Redband]

Was there a buc ee's there at least?

[Medina]

No, there was a loves.

[Brian Redband]

Okay. All right. Well, we love

[Sam Tallent]

it.

[Medina]

I love it, too.

[Brian Redband]

I love it. Go ahead, Elaine.

[Elaine]

I just want the bus. I've taken the bus many a times. I've been felt up. Many times I've been fingered. I've been. Last time I took the bus from Austin to San Antonio, I was fingered by the bus driver while he was driving. I'll send you a link. But it was. But there. There's something to be said about the people on the bus. There's so many different flavors and characters. Did you see anyone that made you go, oh, I'm gonna write a joke about them, you know.

[Medina]

Yeah, but I'm a politician, so I probably should say that.

[Elaine]

You're also on a show.

[Sam Tallent]

And don't get her started on the wheels.

[Medina]

I mean, the bus driver. I loved hearing her takes on the world. She's really loud. And she was talking about how, like, he talks about freedom of speech, but apparently not. Apparently not for everybody. And, like, she was going in, and I was like, this is. This is the America I love. Right. Like, you can. You can have voted for Trump and not agree with everything. Just like you can be a Democrat and not suck, like.

[Brian Redband]

Exactly.

[Elaine]

We.

[Medina]

We exist in multiple.

[Dex]

Absolutely.

[Brian Redband]

We all do. We're all meeting in the middle.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We are indeed the United States of America, the greatest country in the world.

[Sam Tallent]

I wish I could vote. That fucking gun thing's caught up to me. I'd love to give you One vote.

[Medina]

I won. In 2020, I won a primary by 43 votes.

[Sam Tallent]

What?

[Medina]

Every vote counts?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Sam Tallent]

We all know what a primary is, too.

[Brian Redband]

What does that mean exactly, Sam? I don't get it.

[Sam Tallent]

I was being facetious. Please explain.

[Brian Redband]

No, we know. We know what a primary is.

[Sam Tallent]

Oh, I don't.

[Brian Redband]

You don't?

[Sam Tallent]

No, I don't.

[Brian Redband]

What the. What are you. What's going on with you?

[Sam Tallent]

I've been eating a lot of raspberries. I don't. I don't. I don't vote. I don't like the tyranny of democracy. I believe in freedom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Great. I would love to live in your country, Sam.

[D Madness]

You do?

[Sam Tallent]

It's the best one.

[Elaine]

Okay.

[Sam Tallent]

Where else can all of us hang out? We got fucking These guys over there, you know, Mike Sleeveless. We got a blind black guy that's worth two. There's a lot of progress being made up here. Is that fair to say, ma'?

[D Madness]

Am?

[Brian Redband]

Let's get back to the guests here. So when you were campaigning, was there any, like. Did you have any big moments where, like, you knew you were gonna win or, like, a big. Or, like, some type of, like, you know, just a big catchphrase or something that, like, got you victory? You know, like, Biden, for example, lost because he was dead. Right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And he couldn't do anything.

[Brian Redband]

He couldn't speak in public. So we know why he lost. Trump got shot at.

[Medina]

I knew.

[Brian Redband]

Swung it, came up with blood, pumped his fist. People are like, oh, like, he won.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah.

[Brian Redband]

So, like, did you have any moments, like, you know, remember the great Howard Dean, who kind of was like, the front runner, and then he went crazy going, wow. Minnesota. Yeah. Yeah. Tell us about your campaign. You have any tricks, catchphrases, anything going up against?

[Medina]

Yeah, I mean, it's really corny now.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah, let's do it later.

[Medina]

But it was. Let's make a difference together.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Wow.

[Elaine]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unbelievable. Delaware.

[D Madness]

Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

Earth shattering.

[Sam Tallent]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Old.

[Sam Tallent]

They weren't ready.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, we won.

[Medina]

It was close, but.

[Elaine]

Does anybody ever think you work in the Bed, Bath and Beyond part of Target?

[Brian Redband]

Did you ever use your vilago? Am I saying that right? Vilago.

[Mike Feeney]

Vitiligo.

[Brian Redband]

Vitiligo.

[Medina]

Yeah.

[Brian Redband]

Vitiligo. Vitiligo. Vitilago. Vitiligo. Vitilago, vitilago. You ever use that to your advantage while campaigning? Like, I bring everyone together. Look, I'm this and I'm that.

[Mike Feeney]

No. Yeah.

[Sam Tallent]

Yeah. Is there a yarmulke under that?

[Elaine]

Yeah. Samuel. Samuel. Samuel.

[Sam Tallent]

You know, across the aisle.

[Elaine]

Samuel.

[Mike Feeney]

Samuel.

[Elaine]

Is there? Is there?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Elaine]

No. Okay.

[Medina]

No.

[Brian Redband]

I love it. Anything else crazy we should know about you, Medina? Any other.

[Medina]

Sometimes I have Stevie Wonder braids with beads under here, since you were wondering.

[Brian Redband]

Stevie Wonder?

[Medina]

Yeah, like just imagine like Hotter than July.

[Brian Redband]

Like the album cover D Madness says Stevie Wonder eyes.

[Medina]

Like a reference

[Brian Redband]

much different than the hairstyle.

[Elaine]

I'm actually in a hooting the Blowfish cover band called Stevie Wonder's Eyes.

[Brian Redband]

Oh, you just knocked a Red Bull on your.

[Elaine]

Well, looks like it's time to squirt another one of my catchphrases. Thank you, Michael.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not the first.

[Elaine]

It's going to be the Tropicana next Thursday and Friday.

[Brian Redband]

Oh, perfect.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think your has wings now. The Red Bull can landed.

[Sam Tallent]

It was already red.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A Red Bull can on your.

[Brian Redband]

Elaine.

[Elaine]

Don't you make my mustache fall off.

[Sam Tallent]

Elaine. I didn't hear it hit the floor though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's true. It's not loaded up. It rank it.

[Elaine]

It hit me with a Stargate suction cup sound.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here we go.

[Elaine]

Wait, wait, wait.

[Brian Redband]

All right, good job, Red band.

[Elaine]

If I had red, man could have

[Brian Redband]

hit any button in the world. And you made a noise with your mouth.

[Andrew Wolf]

You're ready.

[Elaine]

I'll drop it and then do it. Ready, Red Ben? Ready? Here you go. One, one, two, three.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perfect. Red band.

[Elaine]

How dare you. My son is watching this.

[Brian Redband]

Medina, I love your style. Congratulations.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing stuff. And a state representative.

[Brian Redband]

Boom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Got it. The Kiltoni debut of Medina. Let me tell you, we are on a streak with this bucket of one

[Brian Redband]

of my favorite coincidences in the world.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And that is one word.

[Brian Redband]

Names. Let me remind you, we've had Wilson Medina and three in a row, ladies and gentlemen. Make some noise. All right, there you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Awesome. Make some noise for decks, everybody. It's decks.

[Dex]

I look like I ran here. At the gym. They call me the StairMaster. Why is there an F in kfc? Because when you buy some.

[Brian Redband]

Hell yeah.

[Dex]

You got F in kfc. I should introduce myself. My name's Dex, which is cool. Cause I look like a Doug. I look like Corinthians 4, 20. Sometimes I think porn is addicted to me. I think Ludacris was real skinny until he started singing get out the way. That's a whey protein joke. Do you know what is really odd? Half of all integers. And that joke about Ludacris, what was that about?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, all right. So minute 15 seconds. One more time for Dex, everybody. Dex, grab that mic. I'm gonna interview you now.

[Brian Redband]

Hell yeah, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome to the show, brother.

[Brian Redband]

You have your own style. Very defined, very funny. Hell yeah. How long you been doing stand up?

[Dex]

Five years? Two. For real?

[Brian Redband]

I love it. Where at?

[Dex]

Montana.

[Brian Redband]

Okay.

[Dex]

And for people with mental illness. Yep. Because I have mental illness.

[Brian Redband]

We can tell. What exactly have you been diagnosed with, Dex?

[Dex]

Bipolar. Right after graduating as an engineer.

[Sam Tallent]

That's gotta be tough in the heat. Two can play at this game. Dex,

[Brian Redband]

Dex, Dex, Dex. So you graduated from college to be an engineer? How did you know that? What was happening to where you went to get a diagnosis of bipolar?

[Dex]

Oh, just lost my mind, literally.

[Brian Redband]

Tell us about that.

[Dex]

Oh, it's like Halloween. And. Oh, this is fascinating because I'm from Montana, drove out east. Actually, I was. Slow it down.

[Brian Redband]

You're doing good, Dex. You're doing good. You're doing good. You don't want to slow it down too much here. So you're doing just fine.

[Dex]

There was a seriously a 400 pound. When I was losing the church was like, oh, go help that lady. And so I did for two years.

[Brian Redband]

You helped a 400 pound lady?

[Dex]

She was a hoarder Marine. Hell yeah. Or hoorah.

[Brian Redband]

Uh huh.

[Dex]

She wanted her cousin to move in with her. So we got it ready. And then I flew out to Baltimore and lost my mind. I was three days homeless out there. And then the guy in Helena is like, don't call the cops. Cause I finally, I tore up my credit card and then went to the hospital. Oh, yeah, I remembered Carrot Top. Even though I didn't use his number. But yeah, I called my dad and he came rescued me. That's crazy.

[Brian Redband]

How does Carrot Top fit into this?

[Dex]

Cause I was using 1-800- call ATT and I was like, Carrot Top. And he's like, nah, that's not his number.

[Brian Redband]

Ah, you made a collect call.

[Dex]

Yeah.

[Brian Redband]

The name that you used was Carrot Top. Yeah.

[Dex]

That's the fastest I've ever told that story.

[Brian Redband]

That's good. No, you're doing good.

[Elaine]

How many times a week would you say you use fentanyl?

[Dex]

Ooh. I was. Oh, I shouldn't say this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, you should. You're on the show.

[Brian Redband]

This is the time to share the interesting parts of your.

[Dex]

I work at this little cabin and there was like one little one. I was like, oh, that's prescription. And then it had what, it had an M on it? No, it had a letter on it. And I was like, oh, that's some serious stuff.

[Elaine]

What the fuck is going on?

[Mike Feeney]

What's happening? What's going on? What are you saying?

[Elaine]

Am I high?

[Brian Redband]

Yeah.

[Elaine]

Am I in A prank show right now.

[Brian Redband]

Redman, you're doing good.

[Sam Tallent]

It's like we got high through osmosis when you came out.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah.

[Sam Tallent]

Now, when you tell the stories, do they make sense to you? Is there someone else in there finishing the story?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, there is someone.

[Brian Redband]

I heard the voice at some point.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Go.

[Brian Redband]

You're going too fast. You're going. Slow it down, dad.

[Elaine]

Yeah, it's like, what? Yeah, your timing is all. Joking aside, your timing is very funny. You got a lot of laughs when you said integer. I got real nervous, but you said also excited. Hit me, Mike.

[Dex]

Yep.

[D Madness]

So.

[Brian Redband]

So let's talk about it. Dex, your stand up is the thing that brings you the most joy in the world, right? Yeah. And you travel around and you do that, but you mostly do it in Montana, correct?

[Dex]

Yeah, but I road tripped here, so I'm at least going to spend a week. We're going to get on the circuit.

[Brian Redband]

When you say we, are you talking about the voices in your head Shit. Or did you come with somebody from.

[Dex]

Just me and my van? And I love it.

[Brian Redband]

I love it. So you have a van and you're sleeping in the van? I'm guessing.

[Dex]

Hell, yeah.

[Frankie Magoo]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Awesome.

[Brian Redband]

Awesome.

[Sam Tallent]

Guessing it's not a lot of sleeping in that van. I think it's a lot of.

[Brian Redband]

Anything crazy happen on your drive here from Montana?

[D Madness]

Yeah.

[Dex]

Last Sunday, I signed a woman's boobs as Forrest Gump.

[D Madness]

Nice.

[Brian Redband]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very.

[Elaine]

All right. All right, I'll show you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no, no, Elaine, we can't do it.

[Brian Redband]

YouTube has big restrictions here.

[Elaine]

Thank you for calling them big.

[Fang Chow]

Yes,

[Brian Redband]

Dex, very interesting. How do you make money?

[Dex]

Oh, fuck. I just work for my folks, but, yeah.

[Brian Redband]

What do your folks do?

[Dex]

They're decently off, so I just, like, mow long. I do as much as I can with mental illness. It's fucking hard. It's hard to be an adult where you're just like, I suck at this.

[Brian Redband]

How old are you, Dex?

[Dex]

42.

[Brian Redband]

Okay, awesome.

[Dex]

But we can do it as long as we have someone holding my hand.

[Brian Redband]

You're doing a great job. Yeah. Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I like your style, buddy.

[Sam Tallent]

Also, I liked your jokes. The jokes were great. They were quick, man. There was a great word economy.

[Mike Feeney]

You got good jokes. You got a mental illness. You're kind of perfect for the show. I mean, this feels.

[Dex]

I've got 400 of them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

400 jokes?

[Brian Redband]

You got 400 jokes?

[Dex]

Yeah, but I'm perfect for a five minute. I can't even stand more than five minutes.

[Brian Redband]

That's amazing. You're doing a great Job, Dex. Are you on medicine now? Did they have you on medicine or no.

[Dex]

So.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah.

[Dex]

Yeah. So I. I quit all that stuff.

[Brian Redband]

When did you quit?

[Dex]

After five years. I was in and out of the house.

[Brian Redband]

But when, When. How long ago did you quit?

[Dex]

10. So we. 10 years ago.

[Brian Redband]

Perfect.

[Dex]

We've been doing good. We've only had one relapse. I went. Went schizophrenic on a river trip and those 17 people don't hang out with me.

[Brian Redband]

Nothing beats a jetu holiday.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Wow.

[Brian Redband]

That's hysterical death.

[Elaine]

Do you want to titty me in your van tonight? I really like your style. You can bring some whey protein, dude.

[Mike Feeney]

You don't blink. It's terrifying.

[Sam Tallent]

Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

I gotta be honest. And actually. Wait, stop blinking.

[Elaine]

It's worse.

[Brian Redband]

Tell us about the relapse with the 17 people. Just out of curiosity because it seems so interesting. It seems like you have a real grass on this thing that you're aware of it when it's happening, that you're used to it.

[Dex]

Yeah, I'm like, I got my van, I'm got my shuttle all set up. And then bro is just like, can I get a ride? And then he has these shrimp scampi that he doesn't even put in a cooler. And then that they eat those. That's crazy. But I just lose every night of sleep on that trip. And then I just, I. I don't go at any no sleep for six days. You will lose your mind and then your mind's sleep.

[Brian Redband]

Hold on. The no sleep is because of the manic episode or because of drugs?

[Dex]

No, just. No, I'm zero drugs. So it's just.

[Sam Tallent]

It was the shrimp scampi.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah. So six days with no sleep and then what happened?

[Dex]

Oh, I see. Yeah. So like. Yeah, I could just document it because it's more than drugs. Like it's crazy. Like everything is just like, whoa.

[Brian Redband]

So what happened on the relapse that you're talking about?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like what happened?

[Brian Redband]

Do you remember what happened to where the people don't want to hang out with you anymore?

[Dex]

Oh, yeah. Then they just dropped me off at my parents house because that's where I have to live with mental illness. And then. Oh, I ran that night. I was like, oh fuck, it's like a forest scene in here. And then I ran out. I just ran naked. I was gonna run into the woods.

[Brian Redband]

There we go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Now we're talking.

[Brian Redband]

This is what I'm looking for.

[Dex]

Then there's clarity because. And then I just. I say fuck you, mom and dad. Or something like that.

[Brian Redband]

And you're naked at the time.

[Dex]

No, actually, I said they're Catholic. So I was like, what the. No, I literally said, I'm masturbating. And then I thought my dad was going to run after me, so I'm just booking.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was that?

[Mike Feeney]

The hope?

[D Madness]

Yeah.

[Sam Tallent]

Is that how. Is that how you get off?

[Dex]

So I'm getting up the street, and then my neighbor.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys are interrupting greatness, by the way. Let Dex talk.

[Brian Redband]

You three.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Put the microphones down, Dex.

[Brian Redband]

Keep going.

[Dex]

And then my neighbors. And then my neighbor is just like, whoa. And I'm like, push him, push him. Cause I think my dad is chasing him.

[Brian Redband]

Spotlight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Keno.

[Brian Redband]

Keep going, Dex.

[Dex]

We have mountains that are about a mile away, but then the police. Police department's a half a mile away. So I'm just like, let's run there. Because they have those CIT officers that help with mental illness.

[Brian Redband]

Yes.

[Dex]

And then I say, hey, I need a CIT officer.

[Brian Redband]

I fucking love you. I really do. You're just cool as fuck. Dex, how much time do you have? You have 400 jokes.

[Dex]

Yeah. And we can stay here as long. My plan is to stay here for a month if it worked out and I got on, so this is wild.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redband]

You're in it right now, Dex.

[Dex]

Fuck yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love people like that.

[D Madness]

Oh, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you, guys. Mentally ill people that know they're mentally

[Brian Redband]

ill and admit to being mentally ill and aren't all. You know. Some people really, really, really, really, really do need medication and this and that, but it seems like you're just kind of aware of your situation. Do you.

[Pauly Shore]

The.

[Brian Redband]

When did that last, what you call a relapse happen? The river trip.

[Dex]

2017.

[Brian Redband]

Right. And since then? Nothing in due. Sometimes feel something coming on and make changes.

[Dex]

Yeah. I. I dedicated my life to sleep. Sleep was like a bus that you get on, and then I constantly miss that bus. So. Yeah,

[Brian Redband]

It's amazing. This is real. I love this.

[Elaine]

Do you have a catchphrase?

[Brian Redband]

Hell, yeah.

[Dex]

That's what we were going to say, but we only got a minute.

[Brian Redband]

That's right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep.

[Brian Redband]

Anything else for Dex?

[Mike Feeney]

Guys, you said you document when you're having an episode. How do you document it? Is it like just writing out all work and no play? Or do you film it or what do you do?

[Dex]

Oh, fuck. Like at a campfire when people want to listen to a four hour story,

[Brian Redband]

who listens to it?

[Dex]

You call 17 people and I threw them under the bus just for comedy. But they. I don't get invited to A dinner party.

[Elaine]

You're not missing out. Dinner parties are overrated, you know. It's not getting titty your van tonight. I'm not joking. I'm not joking.

[Sam Tallent]

Dex, I think it's great that you're. You're taking personal accountability for your mental health. And I think it's very brave.

[Elaine]

Very cool.

[Sam Tallent]

You did an excellent job at the comedy too, man.

[Brian Redband]

Yes, very cool.

[Mike Feeney]

Very cool, man.

[Elaine]

Very cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dex, I think you're built for this.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah, of course.

[Elaine]

Confident, funny.

[Brian Redband]

You want to do a spot on the secret show on Thursday?

[D Madness]

Hell, hell, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. If you're not gonna do it, I will, you fucking dork.

[D Madness]

Boom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You get to open up the secret show in five minutes. This fucking stiff ass. If you had just B cup titties, he would have had you on. There's his name. Write it on your little lineup. Next time I bump you like that, maybe you should just do it yourself. Looks like you're in control of things, Dex.

[Brian Redband]

You're doing the secret show on Thursday

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

night at the Sunset Strip Comedy Club. You just got booked for a real gig. How many of you are gonna go Thursday just to see Dex?

[Brian Redband]

See that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at that right there.

[Sam Tallent]

Liars.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, Dex. Here's a big joke book, buddy.

[Brian Redband]

There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Boom. Make some noise for Dex. One more time for Dex. Get some information from Dex so that red band can contact him. Get a phone number or a license plate or something. Whatever we have to do. All right, your next bucket pool goes by the name of Busco Jones, everybody. You guys having fun out there?

[Busco Jones]

So for a little While in my 20s, I thought I was gay. Turned out, though, I was just really, really bad with the women. I am what my daughter's generation would have called a simple. Which all that means is just being nice to women. Which if you know anything about your teens and twenties, women don't want that or they're not interested in that. So I learned how to become an asshole. And now I am a father of three with two women. So it worked out. My wife is bi polar. Not the fun one. It is entertaining a little bit. It's like a psycho thriller, though. Not like sexy, cool, fun type of thing going on. So I am married. Anybody happily married in here? Bunch of lying motherfuckers. I didn't get married to be happy. Marriage is not. It rhymes with mortgage. It's not a happy word. Happy word is mistress. It's mysterious. It's short, fun. I've been Busco Jones, thank y' all very much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Busco all Right. So it's Busco, not Busco.

[Brian Redband]

You've been on this show before, right?

[Busco Jones]

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

[Brian Redband]

All right, well, welcome back, guys. What'd you think about Busco?

[Sam Tallent]

You know, Busco, that means to search, correct? I search.

[Matthew Coffin]

Yes, I am.

[Sam Tallent]

I'm searching for the punchlines, but no, no Busco. Here's what I think, man. You have a confidence, and you're, like, calm. It's just when the jokes catch up to that, I think you're really gonna have something, you know, I mean, that I'm trying to give you. No, no, because you're not nervous. It's like, you're, like, laid back. You know, I think you're engaging. It's just when the jokes get there, man, I think there's gonna be something special.

[Mike Feeney]

Although you are also sweating, though. Pretty profound.

[Sam Tallent]

Dripping.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah.

[Busco Jones]

More nervous than you're telling me.

[Sam Tallent]

Really?

[Busco Jones]

I appreciate that. That's.

[Sam Tallent]

I didn't see until you turn that your face looks glazed.

[Fang Chow]

Like a.

[Mike Feeney]

So wet. Just so wet.

[Elaine]

I happen to think you are very confident. You do have Chili's bounce.

[Patrick Cassidy]

Thank you.

[Elaine]

Compliment. But you came out, you grabbed the mic. You knew where to put it, and you knew where to, you know. You know, you put one foot in front of the other. But Sam's right, the jokes, it's gonna take time. How long have you been doing Santa with Mike's?

[Busco Jones]

For about 10 years.

[Brian Redband]

You go to Chili's a lot, Elaine?

[Elaine]

Oh, my God. I practically live there. You got a coupon.

[Brian Redband]

What do you get? What do you get when you go there?

[Elaine]

That's a personal question. Shrimp scampi. Hit me, Mike.

[Brian Redband]

Thank you. Unbelievably amazing, Busco. You've been on the show once or twice before.

[Busco Jones]

Twice. Twice.

[Brian Redband]

Okay. Tell us something about you that we didn't learn the other times you were on. You've been on before. I remember. All the sets have kind of been just. Okay, and then whatever.

[Patrick Cassidy]

Fair enough.

[Brian Redband]

So let's. You've had some time to think about

[Busco Jones]

this, the most interesting thing.

[Brian Redband]

You sign up every week.

[Busco Jones]

No, no. I can't get down here every week, but whenever I get down here.

[Brian Redband]

Okay.

[Elaine]

For sure.

[Busco Jones]

I mean, I'm. It sounds lame. I'm a father of twins. That's.

[Brian Redband]

That's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It?

[Brian Redband]

Just those two. That's pretty cool.

[Busco Jones]

I mean, that's fun.

[Brian Redband]

Okay. You have to. If you have to tell us how cool it is, then I'm.

[Sam Tallent]

Imagine we don't know why it's cool.

[Busco Jones]

No, no. I'm a successful real estate agent, which is you are.

[Brian Redband]

You do the comedy of the successful real estate.

[Busco Jones]

Exactly. I'm no longer at the pizza place anymore, which is great. Y' all gave them a huge bump.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you get fired from that?

[Busco Jones]

No, I quit. I was. I was good. I was. I was only there for, like, two years.

[William Montgomery]

Just for.

[Busco Jones]

Yeah, Kind of fun.

[Brian Redband]

Is that your real estate company on the shirt?

[Busco Jones]

Yeah.

[Patrick Cassidy]

Yes, sir.

[Brian Redband]

Is that why you came out here? To just be a human billboard for 60 seconds?

[Busco Jones]

I'm not. I mean, this is a capitalist society. I'm not against that. It wouldn't hurt. But. But I'm still trying. I'm still. Yeah.

[Brian Redband]

Other than the fact you coincidentally made twins with your sperm, is there anything else interesting about you that we don't know about your entire life?

[Busco Jones]

No, man. I can't beat Dex, dude. That.

[Brian Redband]

Dude, you are correct.

[Elaine]

You can.

[Busco Jones]

Insane.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You already have a little joke book, right?

[Busco Jones]

Yeah.

[Brian Redband]

Go fill it up with good jokes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Busco.

[Brian Redband]

There he goes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Busco Jones, everybody. Some interviews go longer, some I just fly right through. That's one of those short interviews.

[Brian Redband]

We are going to go with a very special treat. This is this guy's Kill Tony debut. He came recommended by Shane Gillis, James McCann and Sam Talon. He's visiting from Perth, Australia.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is the Kill Tony debut of Andrew Wolf.

[Big Chuck]

Hey, guys.

[Andrew Wolf]

How you going? You good? Yeah, I'm not well, thanks for asking. I don't know if you get a vibe I'm not right in the head. Do you feel this? I'm Steve Irwin on meth instead of Crocoliles. I'm wrestling the homeless, you fuckheads. How good's America? Can we give it a clap? Land of the free, home of the gun. My only complaint as a tourist. Why can't I get one from the airport? What the fuck's going on? I'm walking into Call of Duty without a weapon. You motherfuckers. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm getting fucking. I'll tell you, every time I'm getting on stage, I'm scaring the fuck out of people. I feel it.

[Fang Chow]

Now.

[Andrew Wolf]

You're looking at me like you've got into an Uber and realise the driver doesn't have the app. He's just staring back. He's locked the windows. He's got his dick out, going, let's ride. Staring at you in the rear view mirror. Have any of you guys looked at the mirror and seen your reflection? It's so bad. You've had to take a day off work. Have you had that spend the day fucking. I just want to be more comfortable in my body. Are you guys comfortable in your bodies? Not everyone gets it. My ex's mother in law, she had plastic surgery at 67. 67. Is that. Is that leaving it a bit late? That's like renovating a house three weeks before the demolition. What are you doing? She got a boob job. That's like taping two balloons to a skeleton. Holy fuck, it's Halloween. It's a house of horrors with two ghosts in front. I'm dating her. I'm dating her right now, so chill the fuck out. Hey, the second is no good. Ain't you guys good at sex? Exactly. No one said fuck all. No one teaches you how to be good at sex. Growing up, you learn about sex the same way you learn about ghosts. An older kid takes you into the woods and scares the fuck out of you. Thank you very much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fuck yeah. Andrew Wolfe, welcome to the Kiltoni universe.

[Andrew Wolf]

Thank you for having me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing stuff, especially there towards the end. I'm sorry?

[Brian Redband]

Early on in your set when you're like. I don't know if you could tell, but I'm kind of crazy. Two.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Before you was Dex.

[Andrew Wolf]

Oh, dead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, like, you seem like a heart surgeon after death.

[Andrew Wolf]

So, like, it's incredible no one understands what the I'm saying.

[Brian Redband]

I can feel you're doing good, but

[Andrew Wolf]

I feel like I'm in a foreign country trying to order food. Get me some bread. K. I don't know what's going on.

[Brian Redband]

Love it. How long are you scary as well?

[Andrew Wolf]

This reminds me of my mom. This just staring at me. Quit comedy and go back to accounting, you fucking loser. Go back to accounting. She's like my inner monologue, just chatting on. I don't know where her personality ends and my mental health begins.

[Brian Redband]

Great.

[Andrew Wolf]

All I know is I can't gas myself in a car anymore because they've lowered the emissions.

[D Madness]

Oh, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah, man.

[Andrew Wolf]

High energy. I've been bombing in that other room.

[D Madness]

Yeah, you have.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Don't worry. Don't. You don't have to tell them how the other set went.

[Brian Redband]

You don't have to tell them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my other things aren't going so good. Just keep going.

[Brian Redband]

Keep doing good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is the one that matters.

[Andrew Wolf]

Yeah, this matters, baby.

[D Madness]

Let's give it up a. Gail. Turn it.

[Brian Redband]

How long you been doing standup?

[Andrew Wolf]

2012. Long enough to quit, dude. I should have given up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, you're doing great.

[Andrew Wolf]

Nothing's happened for me.

[Brian Redband]

How long?

[Andrew Wolf]

I do live in the most isolated city in the world, so no one's seen me.

[Brian Redband]

That's true. Perth.

[Andrew Wolf]

Who knows, it might change now.

[Brian Redband]

Guys, Perth specifically used in the movie Kill Bill because it is such an isolated city that that's where the elitist Bill supposedly moved to. It's like known for being an isolated city. Tell us about Perth.

[Andrew Wolf]

Fuck. It's a scary place, guys. Hey, everyone from Perth's called sand gropers in Australia. I don't know if you know the word groper, but. Oh yeah, that's a word for sexual assault. That means sexual assault, so that says it all. But Jack Dellamella, Jack Della Madeleine is from there.

[Brian Redband]

Okay?

[Andrew Wolf]

He lives nearby.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Wolf]

He doesn't respect me.

[Mike Feeney]

Why?

[Andrew Wolf]

Well, I'm a small, feeble man. Hey, look at me, I'm a nerd. Yeah, but Perth's amazing. Hey, you should come there sometime.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah, that's on the eastern side of Australia.

[Matthew Coffin]

Yeah.

[Brian Redband]

Is the weather there?

[Dex]

Good?

[Andrew Wolf]

The weather's hot as. Dude, look at me. I look 65 years old.

[Brian Redband]

That's true.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Might be time for some plastic surgery.

[Andrew Wolf]

Oh, dude, I need it as soon as I can get some money. I just. I don't know, I can't even get a good haircut. I look like a middle aged housewife with a perm.

[Brian Redband]

Is gold mining still a big thing in?

[Andrew Wolf]

Yeah, that's all we do, right? Two weeks. It's in the hole. Two weeks out of the hole.

[Brian Redband]

On meth. Do you do that sometimes?

[Andrew Wolf]

Nah, dude, they won't trust me. Down the hole.

[Sam Tallent]

Tell them what you did. Tell them how good you are at business.

[Andrew Wolf]

I'm a failed stockbroker, so I used to work in a boiler room. We'd do 300 calls a day. Yeah, convincing retirees to give us their life savings.

[Sam Tallent]

So.

[Brian Redband]

And it didn't work out for you?

[Andrew Wolf]

It didn't work out for me or for them, to be honest, but it

[Sam Tallent]

almost worked out for you, right?

[Andrew Wolf]

They ring up and the stock it down. I'm like, well, you got to spend money to make money. We're down 90%. We're going to come good from here. Cheryl.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, poor Cheryl.

[Andrew Wolf]

Poor fucking Cheryl. I'm out of that now, so. Yeah.

[Sam Tallent]

Why, what happened last? Tell that story. You told me that I cried and threw up.

[Andrew Wolf]

Well, yeah, I actually did well at stockbroking. I used to have five houses. Had some money, but turns out bipolar's a hell of a drug. Hey, it fucks me up.

[Brian Redband]

You're bipolar too?

[Andrew Wolf]

Yeah, type two.

[Brian Redband]

They diagnosed you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Type two.

[Sam Tallent]

Red band has type two as well.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah,

[D Madness]

yeah, all right.

[Brian Redband]

You're better than.

[Sam Tallent]

Not

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

anymore.

[Brian Redband]

He changed his life around, which you

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

could do at any point.

[Brian Redband]

Sam Talent looks fantastic.

[Andrew Wolf]

Yeah, he looks great.

[Law Coger]

Great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red Band's trying to do Sam's fat jokes from a year ago. Hey, you're fatter than me.

[Andrew Wolf]

Looks amazing. He looks a bit like the wizard from the. The Scarecrow from the wizard of Oz, to be honest.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Andrew Wolf]

Oh, that's too mean.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah, That's a brand new movie over in Perth, Australia.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just got that one.

[Andrew Wolf]

I had some early good jokes and now I'm bottling.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, you're doing good.

[Brian Redband]

I love how hyper aware you are.

[Big Chuck]

Yeah.

[Elaine]

Do you take any?

[Andrew Wolf]

Oh, my God.

[Elaine]

Sorry. It's choked on a pub. Do you take anything before you go on stage or is this all raw, natural excitement?

[Andrew Wolf]

Yeah, I'm just like frenetic all the time. Just panicky.

[D Madness]

Yeah.

[Sam Tallent]

Yeah.

[Andrew Wolf]

I'm not comfortable in my own skin, to be honest. I'm like O.J. simpson's hand in a glove. Hey, knock.

[Elaine]

Not comfortable in your own skin. Tell me about it.

[Andrew Wolf]

Yeah, not comfortable.

[Brian Redband]

Did you tell the story that Sam wanted you to tell about?

[Sam Tallent]

You gotta tell that story.

[Andrew Wolf]

I don't remember the story. I didn't tell the story.

[Sam Tallent]

So you lost, like, fucking, what, millions of dollars in the stock market. Yeah. And then you called the suicide hotline in Australia and they sent a guy over to your house and what happened?

[Andrew Wolf]

Well, he came there in white gloves on a scooter, and I said. And he was meant to be medicating me. And I said, like, I've lost all this money. I lost $1.4 million. And he was like, $1.4 million, that's so bad. If I had $1.4 million, I quit this job and leave immediately. And it's like, you're not helping it. You. Yeah, that's basically what happened, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is a great story, Sam, do

[Brian Redband]

you have any other of his stories that he could tell?

[Andrew Wolf]

Yeah, he's better at the stories.

[Brian Redband]

You had to tell half the story

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

before he's like, oh, yeah, I remember that happened to me.

[Sam Tallent]

I mean, dude, this guy, this guy, like, he's open for being Australia, and you do not want to follow this guy. It's brutal.

[Elaine]

You're a killer.

[Sam Tallent]

But he gets here Monday and I text Egg and I'm like, hey, my buddy's in town. McCann tells him, you get on over there, you fucking.

[Andrew Wolf]

Holy shit.

[Sam Tallent]

Yeah, yeah. You bombed horrifically so bad that you texted me. So, so sorry, mate. Straight on my way to the airport.

[D Madness]

Yeah, I was in America for 24 hours.

[Sam Tallent]

I ruined your good name. You worked so hard to build this, but now I've ruined it.

[Brian Redband]

I've dragged it through the mud.

[Andrew Wolf]

And I said, I wish I had my money back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yeah, he did.

[Sam Tallent]

So then I text egot and I'm like, oh, sorry about my guy. He said he bombed. And he was like, well, many people in the room would agree with that. I thought he was delightful.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah.

[Andrew Wolf]

He said my set, my set was cute.

[Brian Redband]

Oh, that's a ringing endorsement.

[Andrew Wolf]

But we say the C word quite a lot. You'd have to beep it out.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah.

[Andrew Wolf]

Every second line. Because you're performing to minors.

[Sam Tallent]

Do you know? Yeah. In Perth, you are.

[Andrew Wolf]

They're all underground miners. Don't really understand, you know, they've seen what.

[Brian Redband]

Where are these miners at that you think? Yeah, what, What?

[Andrew Wolf]

Underage people or the. The miners?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know.

[Brian Redband]

You tell me. You said it.

[Andrew Wolf]

Mining people that go down the hall.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Andrew Wolf]

Do you know, they're pretty dumb. You're just going to do sounds and movement.

[Elaine]

Still don't know which one you're talking about.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, I don't. Oh, okay, now I got it.

[Andrew Wolf]

Comedy in Perth.

[Brian Redband]

I love it.

[Andrew Wolf]

I kill over there. You,

[Elaine]

you're doing great. How many other shirts like that do you have?

[Andrew Wolf]

What's this?

[Elaine]

How. I'll say it in slower, in English.

[Andrew Wolf]

Sorry.

[Elaine]

No. How many other shirts like that do you have? I like your shirt.

[Andrew Wolf]

I've only got one shirt. I lost everything. I told you.

[Big Chuck]

Perfect for me.

[Andrew Wolf]

I'm sleeping in this. I'm living in this. I'm gonna get buried in this. Let's be honest.

[Brian Redband]

Unbelievable. I love it. It's a great, great shirt.

[Elaine]

Great shirt.

[Andrew Wolf]

Thanks, mate.

[Brian Redband]

Absolutely. So how long are you in America for?

[Andrew Wolf]

I leave tomorrow, but I'm coming back, unfortunately, you guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When. When are.

[Brian Redband]

When are you coming back?

[Andrew Wolf]

As soon as possible.

[Brian Redband]

But why are you leaving then?

[Andrew Wolf]

Oh, well, I've got to get the Visa sorted, so it's in process.

[Brian Redband]

Oh, people are helping out all right.

[Sam Tallent]

She got a MasterCard. They take it 99% of place.

[Elaine]

Samuel.

[Wilson]

Yeah.

[Andrew Wolf]

Thank you so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think you're absolutely hilarious. Congratulations, Andrew Wolf. Thank you very much. Amazing stuff. Here, take a big joke book with you. That'll help with your Visa. Yes. Sell it in Perth.

[Brian Redband]

All right. Hell, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There he is, the great Andrew Wolf between him.

[D Madness]

Oh, my God, the legend Paulie Shore

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

has arrived, ladies and gentlemen. Paulie, grab that mic.

[D Madness]

Oh, my God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The crowd goes wild.

[Dex]

Sorry.

[Pauly Shore]

Sorry I'm late. Dude, Sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're good. You're here, buddy.

[Pauly Shore]

Okay. I'm okay.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah.

[Pauly Shore]

How's the show been going? Good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah? Yeah.

[Pauly Shore]

Cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're the third bipolar guy to come out tonight.

[Pauly Shore]

Well, I'm also bisexual, so that's.

[Busco Jones]

That's good.

[Pauly Shore]

Yeah, it's all happening.

[Brian Redband]

We love you, Paulie. What's going on, buddy?

[Pauly Shore]

I just. I don't know if you guys know this. Rob Schneider's the. What?

[Brian Redband]

You said front runner for guest of the year.

[Pauly Shore]

He's the front runner for guests of the year.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah.

[Pauly Shore]

That's pretty fucking cool. Last year was Harlan Williams, and next year's gonna be fucking Adam Ray.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, the year before that was Adam Ray. The first guest of the year was Adam Ray.

[Brian Redband]

Second was Harlan Williams.

[Pauly Shore]

Give it up for Red Band. What's up, bro?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Pauly Shore]

He's our friend.

[Elaine]

Good save. Good save.

[Sam Tallent]

Goldberg.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Friend of mine saw you yesterday. Were you at a convention yesterday?

[Pauly Shore]

I was. I was hanging out with our friends down there. It was. I was. Yeah. Down.

[Brian Redband]

What was the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was the convention?

[Brian Redband]

Is it a 90s convention or something?

[Elaine]

Was Mario Lopez there?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The meet your heroes from the late 80s convention.

[Pauly Shore]

You know, many years ago, Tony,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I

[Pauly Shore]

did several films that touched America's heart.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are absolutely correct. I agree completely.

[Brian Redband]

Elaine, sit down. Sit down.

[Pauly Shore]

So several years later, here we are. It still resonates. So that's why we go there and we give back. The Jews called a mitzvah. We give back. You know what I mean? We give it back. So it's nice.

[Sam Tallent]

Paulie, do you have something very heavy in that pocket?

[Pauly Shore]

No, it's just my iPhone, bro. But, yeah, that's it.

[Danny Martinello]

Yeah.

[Brian Redband]

When you say the Jews believe in giving back, what is exactly are you talking about?

[Elaine]

Careful, careful. Polly.

[Brian Redband]

Easy.

[Elaine]

Twitter.

[Mike Feeney]

Easy.

[Brian Redband]

Talking about, like, if you slightly attack

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

them, they give back a lot more than you did to them.

[Pauly Shore]

Like, we mostly just give to other Jews, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I think so. That's what I've noticed.

[Pauly Shore]

All right, well, I just wanted to say hello to everybody. Want to say what's up, Paulie?

[Brian Redband]

We love you. We love you, Paulie.

[Pauly Shore]

Good. Yes to everyone,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

one more time for the legend Pauly Shore. You never know who's gonna stick their head out. You are in Austin, Texas, the comedy capital of the world. I know a lot of people think it's Riyadh, Saudi Arabia right now. I saw they called themselves the new comedy capital of the world on a post I saw today. Can you believe that? Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, thinks they just bought being the new comedy Capital of the world.

[Sam Tallent]

Never.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We turned it down. If you're wondering, Red Band and I turned down a million bucks each instead of going to Saudi Arabia, so. And they tripled it. Yeah, we said no. They tripled the offer. We said no again. Because what's the point of standing up for America every once in a while if you're gonna sell out at the last, last second? So, yeah, if anybody wants to donate. Yeah, this guy. This guy gets it. Thank you.

[Elaine]

I, on the other hand, accept it. But I miss my flight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was a bus. You missed your buzz.

[Elaine]

I missed my funny. We'll keep it in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, back to the bucket we go. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for your next bucket full Frankie Magoo.

[Frankie Magoo]

You have no idea how much shit is on your MacBook Pro and which you haven't deleted yet. Whereas you think your iPhone, you can just delete the text and photos, hide them, but when somebody that you've been with for, let's call it 15 years opens that MacBook Pro and guesses that password, you have no fucking idea what you said to your mom 12 years ago. You were not jacked that that girlfriend of yours was coming home, demeaning or

[Sam Tallent]

not,

[Frankie Magoo]

I would say the worst shit ever. Yeah, we. We were engaged after the ninth year. Called that off. Had a year and a half off. It's the best year and a half of my entire fucking life. We got back together because she saw how happy I was, because it legitimately was the time of my life, and we were together for four more years until she read the 15 years of my text messages and photos, and that was that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Frankie McGoo, ladies and gentlemen,

[Brian Redband]

with one of the most. What has to be one of the most. One of the most. One of the most. How do I. What do I say? Uh, what would I call this?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Uh, one of the most silent reception of the night.

[Brian Redband]

Your first comedian with absolute zero mental illness.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you guys wonder how the golden ticket winners get the golden tickets.

[Brian Redband]

I mean, this is what happens when

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you were raised with two parents.

[Brian Redband]

Am I correct? They were in your life the whole time, still together?

[Frankie Magoo]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, I can tell.

[Brian Redband]

No trauma whatsoever.

[Frankie Magoo]

No, they hate one another.

[Brian Redband]

No childhood trauma at all.

[Frankie Magoo]

This is my first time at stand up.

[Brian Redband]

It's adorable.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, then you're for sure.

[Brian Redband]

Sorry.

[Frankie Magoo]

My original incident Instagram name was cracker bro kid55.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Brian Redband]

Amazing. So you've been watching this show for a long time?

[Frankie Magoo]

Day one.

[Brian Redband]

Day one. I love it. Well, you should have done a joke, Frankie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, but I love it you decided

[Brian Redband]

to go with the true story.

[Frankie Magoo]

You took a chance, Polly Shore, and

[Brian Redband]

good gracious, yeah, you're in it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What you got going on back there, it's amazing.

[Sam Tallent]

What are you saying? You got lost in Pauly Shore's eyes and that's why you bombed.

[Frankie Magoo]

That's a fact.

[Brian Redband]

Whoa, Frankie. This is the first time we've had. Oh, D. Madness is back, ladies.

[D Madness]

Yeah, D. Madness.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, D. So, Frankie, let's talk about it.

[Brian Redband]

It's your first time doing stand up. Why did you not practice at an open mic or something like that?

[Frankie Magoo]

I've tried a few open mics.

[Brian Redband]

Oh, okay.

[Frankie Magoo]

Around. But they've just been General, you know, eight to 15, 20 people, crowds. And I moved to Austin four or five months ago.

[D Madness]

Huh.

[Brian Redband]

To do standup?

[Sam Tallent]

No.

[Frankie Magoo]

Oh, no, I moved for work.

[Brian Redband]

Okay. What do you do for a living?

[Frankie Magoo]

Affordable housing. Finance. Develop.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I.

[Frankie Magoo]

So I. Yeah. Yeah.

[Brian Redband]

Wow. Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, guys.

[Frankie Magoo]

I never said that I was good at comedy.

[Brian Redband]

It's okay.

[Frankie Magoo]

I love these people.

[Brian Redband]

I. We love you, Frankie. It's okay. It's all right.

[Elaine]

Everybody's got to start somewhere, right?

[Brian Redband]

That's right. Tell us something interesting about your life that we might find funny. You have an unbelievably, ridiculously powerful hairline. You have no childhood trauma. Your parents are together. There's nothing funny about you so far, but we're trying to find it. This is the part where I try to dig deep into your soul and figure out what might be funny about you. So help me to understand. What do you think might be something? You've watched a lot of the show. You've seen almost every episode. You know how this part works. Give us some vulnerability or something because your hair is about to eat your eyebrows.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your life is so perfect.

[Brian Redband]

You need this. So not at all that. That. There's just nothing happening. There's. Between. There was two comedians up here. Between the two of them, they had 15 personalities and you have zero. And yet you stand there just like they did, holding the same mic that they did. Let. Help me find out what might be inside of there. What do you got? Anything?

[Andrew Wolf]

You.

[Brian Redband]

I bet you just have a huge. And everything, don't you?

[Elaine]

You got two laptops, a Costco card, and when you come, you say, good gracious, don't you?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Exactly. I couldn't have said it better myself. Elaine.

[Brian Redband]

You fucking.

[Elaine]

You earned yourself a titty grab.

[Brian Redband]

That's right. Thank you.

[Frankie Magoo]

So here's some character. I moved to Texas, to Austin, with a company in which you got to

[Brian Redband]

get to the Point. You gotta.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You got fire.

[Frankie Magoo]

I moved here, I would. I resigned from the company, and I've been living Airbnb to Airbnb, scouring deals for the past, I don't know, six months. So I don't.

[Brian Redband]

You work in affordable housing?

[Sam Tallent]

Oh, oh, no, no, no, no.

[Frankie Magoo]

So I am. As of right now, I manage rental houses that I accumulated Boo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Through college. Yeah, and so. Yeah, and so if you tell them to boo, they're definitely gonna boo, by the way. Rule number. Rule number one is don't tell them to boo.

[Frankie Magoo]

This is a lot more action than I got earlier.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You like the booze rather than silence?

[Brian Redband]

Well, hell yeah.

[Frankie Magoo]

I'm looking at all these people with smug faces and they're like, boo.

[Mike Feeney]

No, the problem is they were expecting jokes, and that's why it's not smug there. It's confusion and disdain and anger.

[William Montgomery]

That's.

[Elaine]

That's.

[Brian Redband]

I asked you what might be funny about you, and you start going on and on about how you're.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're compiling Airbnbs in the city.

[Brian Redband]

Let's try a little harder to find out what might be funny about you.

[Frankie Magoo]

It's a valid.

[Sam Tallent]

You ever sat on a whoopee cushion?

[Elaine]

Or an old lady? Or an old lady's face?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Sam Tallent]

When you were in college at Ole Miss, how many sorority girls did you kill?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a good question.

[Elaine]

That's a great question. I would love to hear the answer to that.

[Sam Tallent]

Hotty toddy, huh?

[Elaine]

Hotty Toddy.

[Frankie Magoo]

That's so dangerously accurate.

[D Madness]

Yeah.

[Sam Tallent]

No.

[Frankie Magoo]

Is it the murder thing? I don't even think there was a murder. LSU or at Ole Miss.

[William Montgomery]

Was there?

[Sam Tallent]

I don't know. You went to lsu, so did you

[Brian Redband]

go to Ole Miss or lsu?

[Frankie Magoo]

I went to the University of Alabama.

[Law Coger]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Oh, well, again, don't say boo. That can't be your catchphrase. It's not a good idea.

[Elaine]

I have a legit question.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not. Not a great catchphrase at all. You don't want to keep doing that. Just make sure they let them initiate the boo. Yeah, you can do a tone. Yeah.

[Elaine]

I have a legit question. So comedy sometimes comes from laughing at yourself, right? So is there something self deprecating? When Tony asks you what's funny about you, you started telling your fucking Wikipedia page, nobody gives a fuck. So dig deep. Think about something that you've done that you go, God, that was embarrassing. But with a little perspective would be funny. Let me fucking finish. To strangers. You know what I'm saying? So what's something that you did Was embarrassing. Maybe you could go, oh, that's actually probably pretty funny to tell to a stranger.

[Frankie Magoo]

Understood.

[Brian Redband]

I just. Hold on. There's a. I just realized right now that there's a pregnant woman in the front row. And I want to say that, Frankie, you might be worse than Tylenol for an unborn baby.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, there's almost no doubt that that baby's gonna be traumatized from this side.

[Brian Redband]

If you. If we listen closely enough, I think you hear it.

[Sam Tallent]

I thought she was just queefing, but,

[D Madness]

yeah,

[Elaine]

I'll show you a queef, Samuel.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, let's do it. Put it up to there.

[D Madness]

Hit it up. Red man, you better be ready for this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here we go. You're welcome.

[Brian Redband]

Very good, Red band.

[Elaine]

That'll be 16.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, I'm gonna try one more time.

[Brian Redband]

I can literally hear the Internet right

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

now going, why is this guy still on the. The stage? I can hear it. I'm gonna try one more time with you.

[Brian Redband]

Give us something. Some type of vulnerability. What about your life or something about you might be funny

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

again. You have to be a little bit quicker. If you give them a chance, they're going to do that. They hate you. They hate you. And I know what it's like.

[Brian Redband]

Look at me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm Unlike. Likable, too.

[Brian Redband]

But I. I figured out ways.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I. I fought it.

[Sam Tallent]

Tony, give that guy a joke. There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Pass it back. He's right behind you. There you go. There's a little joke book you have to write. You suck dick on the first page, though. Because that is your big break.

[D Madness]

Did you do that?

[Mike Feeney]

That's what you should do. Do more of that. That would be great.

[Sam Tallent]

Get him.

[Frankie Magoo]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Get him back. Attack him.

[Brian Redband]

The guy that said you suck dick. What do you have to say to him?

[Sam Tallent]

Come on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Don't think about it.

[Sam Tallent]

Just go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let it rip. Come on.

[Brian Redband]

Get him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hurry up. Say something. Motherfucker.

[Busco Jones]

Who?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus Christ.

[D Madness]

God damn it, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is unbelievable.

[D Madness]

Hey, motherfucker, I'm gonna buy your house. Cause I'm a rich white guy who gets away with everything. Yeah. I've never. I've never. I've never known pain in my entire life. I roll through life with perfect teeth and skin that a woman would kill for.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is it.

[D Madness]

I don't need this shit from you, pig.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is it.

[D Madness]

Get in there,

[Brian Redband]

dude.

[D Madness]

Fucking say it. I got. Okay, listen. What I have to say. Say. Say something. You.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know. You know.

[D Madness]

Jeez, I. Forgive me for smoking the.

[Frankie Magoo]

The guy from New York's weed.

[Sam Tallent]

The.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

In the existence oh, now you're high.

[Brian Redband]

Wait a minute.

[D Madness]

I boo. Who would ever be high on this show?

[Mike Feeney]

I also just want to point out you do have like female scratch struggle lines on your hands.

[Frankie Magoo]

And I just spent a 25 day outdoor solo trip in Idaho archery elk.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Everything about you. But listen to me, because there is a fucking silver lining here, all right? And I know you're used to a silver spoon, which is different, but listen to me.

[Brian Redband]

If you're serious about this, this at all, at all, take the major note that Sam Talent just gave. If you're gonna be the heel, lean into it. Be that guy. Go. I will buy your be that, be you. Because it seems like that's who you are. You're not silly, silly joke guy. You're not Dex with one liners. You're not Medina relating to what it's like being that type of person. You're you. So if you're a, you know, a guy with money, that's all about business. Well, that is what you are. Well, then what what are you?

[Frankie Magoo]

That's just what I. I dressed like the Unabomb.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, I'm getting you out. I gotta get you out of here. I love it. I can't stand.

[Brian Redband]

There you go.

[Pauly Shore]

Good luck.

[Sam Tallent]

I can't stand it.

[Mike Feeney]

I can't stand it.

[Danny Martinello]

Good luck.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Salute indeed. Put the mic in the mic stand. Tony would love to have you on his Tony Hinchcliffe and Friends show.

[Pauly Shore]

Coming up.

[D Madness]

Redneck, redneck red bed. Redneck redback red.

[Brian Redband]

That guy sucked.

[Sam Tallent]

Yeah. Yeah. He was also the scariest one. Dude, I was right fucking here for date raping.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, he didn't have any punchlines, but his creepy disposition was awful.

[Sam Tallent]

We gave him every chance. What do you want?

[Brian Redband]

All right.

[Sam Tallent]

I kissed the lane to save his set, but I've never been more alive. Mike, get over here.

[D Madness]

D Madness.

[Sam Tallent]

You would hate this.

[Elaine]

What the. Give me some of that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[D Madness]

Who can play your gay game, Samuel?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This show is out of control. Ladies and gentlemen. And back to Bucket we go. All right, this is a fun one, ladies and gentlemen. This guy just moved to Austin very recently, a couple months ago. I do believe he's been signing up for a while.

[Brian Redband]

He used to work at the Comedy Store.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This should be fun. Make some noise for a minute from Fang Chow, ladies and gentlemen.

[Fang Chow]

Stop it. That's not my language. I speak English.

[Patrick Cassidy]

Okay,

[Fang Chow]

let's go. In the middle of the pandemic, people start to hate Asians in this country. A lot of bitch ass Asians were scared. My Chinese mother was one of them. She called me up, she goes, hey, Feng Chow, don't go outside. It's dangerous. I'm like, mom, don't be a little bitch. I'm not afraid of being Asian. As a matter of fact, I've never been so proud of being Chinese because Chinese people make number one virus, kill everybody. Should have been everyone laughing. If you didn't laugh, you might be the problem that this country's failing. I'm gonna call China after the show. I'll get China on the phone. I'll be like, yo, assholes, upgrade our virus.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you. Fang Chow. The pride of Beijing, China, and Los Angeles, California, and now Austin, Texas.

[Brian Redband]

Welcome to the show. Fang Chow.

[Sam Tallent]

Yes, sir.

[Brian Redband]

You've been my Chinese friend for a while. When did you start at the Comedy Store? The real thing?

[Fang Chow]

Yeah. I've been Tony's friend for a while.

[Busco Jones]

Yeah.

[Sam Tallent]

No, you're a Chinese.

[Brian Redband]

I asked you a question. When did you start at The Comedy Store?

[Fang Chow]

2015.

[Brian Redband]

2015. Amazing. And it is true. In 2021, there was this big Asian hate thing. You remember this?

[Fang Chow]

Yeah, Yeah, I do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redband]

And that's what I'm talking about. So interesting, because there really wasn't Asian hate as you remember. But the media kept saying that for some reason, the liberal controlled media kept repeating it so many times over and over again. And when they repeat something over and over and over again, people react to it. And eventually it became a thing that Asian hate was a thing, you know? But you're here saying that it wasn't a real thing. Right.

[Fang Chow]

Whatever. I'm just being Asian. I'm not afraid. Hate me. Yeah, I'm.

[Sam Tallent]

Well, I think that it's fair to say that America's healing when you see a Chinese guy doing Shane Gillis arm. So I like that.

[Fang Chow]

Okay. Thank you. Yeah, thank you.

[Brian Redband]

What's Shane Gillis arm?

[Sam Tallent]

When you stand like this behind your back, like every typically white guy does on stage now.

[Brian Redband]

Really?

[Pauly Shore]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Redband]

That Shane thing.

[Sam Tallent]

Bargazi does it.

[Brian Redband]

This was a Shane thing? Yeah.

[Sam Tallent]

That is to the hand and then this.

[Brian Redband]

What does he have? Everything. What are we supposed to do with this extra hand?

[Law Coger]

I don't know.

[Brian Redband]

Everything's a Shane thing now. He does this.

[Sam Tallent]

Yeah.

[Patrick Cassidy]

You know, comedy.

[Fang Chow]

Yeah.

[Elaine]

That's Shane Gillis too, Right?

[Brian Redband]

Elaine, you're so good at impressions. Fang Chow, how's Texas been treating you?

[Fang Chow]

Good.

[Brian Redband]

Tell us about it.

[Fang Chow]

Very good. I love the people here. I love the people, the food. Comedy is here. It's the Mecca. That's why I'm Here.

[Brian Redband]

You bendo baki yet?

[Fang Chow]

I'm. I'm a real comedian. Yes, yes. Love it.

[Patrick Cassidy]

Absolutely. Yeah, I love it.

[Fang Chow]

Chopped cheese there is really good. Gummy bear is very good.

[Brian Redband]

Have you tried the Texas cheesesteak burrito by any chance? That's my go to. It's unbelievable.

[Fang Chow]

Yummy.

[Brian Redband]

No doubt about it. What else is going on? Fang Chow, you got a girlfriend? What's going on?

[Fang Chow]

I do. I do. I do.

[Brian Redband]

That's about it.

[Law Coger]

I do.

[Fang Chow]

Beautiful lady. I got a beautiful lady. Smart. Smarter than me.

[Brian Redband]

Okay.

[Fang Chow]

I'm not afraid of smarter ladies in my life. I'm an idiot, right? I barely speak the language. I need someone to guide my life. Got a lady.

[Brian Redband]

Okay. Very politically correct answers I'm getting from you. Anything crazy about your life that you want to share with the people out here?

[Fang Chow]

Anything crazy?

[Brian Redband]

Well, bird flu. Yeah.

[Fang Chow]

Okay. Yeah, watch out.

[Patrick Cassidy]

Yeah.

[Fang Chow]

Three people died in the front row. I'm not sorry. Your immune system is not my fucking problem. Anything crazy? I got stabbed during Asian hate.

[Brian Redband]

There you go. Let's talk about that.

[Fang Chow]

That's kind of crazy.

[Brian Redband]

Let's talk about that. What exactly happened? You were at a sushi restaurant and I fell down.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What happened exactly?

[Brian Redband]

Tell us about this Asian hate.

[Fang Chow]

I got stabbed by a next door neighbor.

[Brian Redband]

Okay. For what?

[Fang Chow]

For being Chinese.

[Brian Redband]

Okay. Can you tell.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Paint the picture a little bit for

[Brian Redband]

us there, super victim.

[Fang Chow]

Okay, that's fair.

[Brian Redband]

So what exactly happened?

[Fang Chow]

You're welcome for the laughs.

[Brian Redband]

They just came into your place and just go, you're.

[Fang Chow]

No, it's my next door neighbor in the middle of the pandemic. We used to be cool. We used to be cool. And then he just start. Hate Chinese.

[Danny Martinello]

She.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He.

[Brian Redband]

Okay, so when you got stabbed. Yeah, tell us about that.

[Fang Chow]

I came home from like a hike, and then I was walking to my door and I was talking to a lady next door to ask her to come to the store. Watch me do stand up, trying to fuck the comedy store.

[Brian Redband]

You were flirting with the lady.

[Fang Chow]

Yeah, yeah. Thick. Always hard. Different color than yours, but always hard. Fuck, yeah.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah.

[Fang Chow]

Plenty of chiz.

[Sam Tallent]

You have to do the five inch punch.

[Fang Chow]

Just excited.

[Brian Redband]

God, I want to hear about this woman. And then the guy.

[Fang Chow]

And then the guy's kitchen window is facing that lady's door. And then I turn around, I'd heard him say Chinese. And then I'm like, all right, no big deal. I've known this guy for a while. And then I came back on this side of the building. He lives in the back. And then I was walking to My door. And he came out with a chair and something shiny. It was like evening time. Like, I. I don't know for sure. It's a knife. He threw the chair at me and didn't hit me because I'm fast.

[Sam Tallent]

Right.

[Fang Chow]

Can't get hit by a chair. Fucking rock star. And then I was like, what the fuck is this about? And he's like, you know what this is about? And he was already charging at me.

[Brian Redband]

White guy.

[Fang Chow]

Yeah, white guy.

[Brian Redband]

Really?

[Fang Chow]

Yeah. And then he's like, you know exactly what this is about. And he was already in my face. And then I gotta take a couple stabs on my chest.

[Brian Redband]

Huh. Did you know you.

[Fang Chow]

I'm alive. It's not that scary.

[D Madness]

Okay.

[Brian Redband]

Right. I got it.

[Fang Chow]

Yeah, I got it. I'm here.

[Brian Redband]

Were you ever attacked for being Chinese before this?

[Sam Tallent]

No.

[Brian Redband]

And you haven't been attacked since?

[Fang Chow]

I'm usually the attacker.

[Brian Redband]

I understand.

[Fang Chow]

People like to talk in this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I understand.

[Fang Chow]

Beat their ass.

[Brian Redband]

So do you think that. Do you think that it's a coincidence that that happened then, or do you think that perhaps the media saying that there's Asian hate could create. The media saying Asian hate is not good for you.

[Fang Chow]

It's not good for. For sure.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah, Right, Exactly.

[Fang Chow]

Yeah.

[Brian Redband]

They can cause a lot of the violence in the country, for example.

[Fang Chow]

For sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Brian Redband]

So when they.

[Fang Chow]

Yeah, they want to fucking brainwash all the people in the country, and then they just like, oh, yeah, you listen to me. I'm like, no, Right.

[Sam Tallent]

Because before that, it was mostly. What, the Ninja Turtles.

[Elaine]

That was based on a true story.

[Sam Tallent]

You know, New York in the 80s was nuts. You were there?

[Elaine]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

Where did you get stabbed?

[Fang Chow]

On my chest, like, right here. I got three stabs.

[Brian Redband]

Three stabs.

[Fang Chow]

And then I was, like, lucky enough. I was fighting him and I got him under control. And there were a couple comics living in my building. I was just yelling. Then they came out.

[Sam Tallent]

But three is good luck in your culture, right?

[Brian Redband]

Yeah.

[Fang Chow]

Six is good.

[Sam Tallent]

Oh, sorry.

[Fang Chow]

Times two. Three times two.

[Sam Tallent]

Right, right.

[Fang Chow]

Yeah. I'll do the number joke.

[Elaine]

What was your move?

[Mike Feeney]

It was the Year of the Rabbit, so he had a good luck charm, you know, Foot.

[Fang Chow]

Oh, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So is the guy in prison like, he.

[Brian Redband]

He did.

[Fang Chow]

It was because of the pandemic. Like, our county jail is not holding anybody.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Fang Chow]

For that time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redband]

They didn't even prosecute the guy, right?

[Fang Chow]

No.

[Brian Redband]

Los Angeles, California, ladies and gentlemen. Unbelievable.

[Fang Chow]

What a shit city.

[Brian Redband]

Yes, indeed.

[Elaine]

Well, it's a state, but we'll move on from this. Is. Is there Something about your. Your defense mechanic. Like, you said, you fought back, but I don't want to say you're a bad fighter because I've seen you fight online. You're very good. But what was your move? What was your first move?

[Fang Chow]

No, I was just trying to wrestle him out of my way. Like, he was already, like, stabbing me. Like, I can't.

[Elaine]

No kung fu. No, no. Like, okay, that's not racist. I've seen him do kung fu on YouTube.

[Fang Chow]

Yeah, I was seeing the movies. Right? Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Redband]

Did you forget?

[Fang Chow]

I was just, like, trying to get him off me. It was stabbing me. I was just trying to, like. And I tricked him. Like, and then he was on the ground.

[Sam Tallent]

I tricked him.

[Brian Redband]

You tripped him.

[Fang Chow]

He was drunk and I kicked his leg and then I tripped him.

[Elaine]

Yeah, you tricked them. You were like, hey, look at that. Psych.

[Fang Chow]

Look at that Asian guy.

[Sam Tallent]

Here, try this Coca Cola.

[Fang Chow]

More than one nation.

[Elaine]

Psych. It's Pepsi.

[Fang Chow]

Yeah.

[Brian Redband]

Fang Chow, you're the fucking man. Very interesting stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm glad you moved to Texas. Welcome, welcome. Great stuff. I'm out of big joke books right now.

[Brian Redband]

We'll get you one later.

[Mike Feeney]

Thank you, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The great Fang Chow, ladies and gentlemen.

[Brian Redband]

All right, very, very interesting. We're gonna keep it moving along. You guys still having fun out there?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Make some noise for Heidi, everybody. You know, she has a brand new podcast, Love on the Line with our. With the other great beauty, Valerie Vaughn.

[Brian Redband]

They're interviewing people.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's fun. It's two hot chicks. Joe derosa was just on.

[Brian Redband]

David Lucas, Rampage Jackson.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Love on the Line.

[Brian Redband]

If you like podcasts with fat tits, that's the show to listen to. Or you could watch Red Band do

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

VR also if you like. All right, your next bucket pool goes by the name of Patrick Cassidy, ladies and gentlemen, Patrick Cassidy,

[Patrick Cassidy]

mothership. What is up? Happy to be here, guys. I want to talk about an important issue that's going on in America. It's pretty controversial right now. You know what I'm talking about, right? Lesbian sex. These girls are doing it all wrong. I saw one with a strap on on. The other girl was on her knees sucking it. And the girl that was standing there was like, oh, my God, it feels so good.

[Brian Redband]

And I couldn't help but laugh. I started laughing, right?

[Patrick Cassidy]

And while you're coming is not the best time to laugh, guys. Wish I had a time machine. Speaking of time machine segue, I.

[Brian Redband]

Why do people say if I had

[Patrick Cassidy]

a time machine, I go back in time and I'd kill baby Hitler? That doesn't make any sense. I mean, when. Why don't they just say I kidnap him and raise him right? I don't. I think these people are lazy.

[Brian Redband]

I don't know.

[Patrick Cassidy]

Speaking of Hitler, guys, he might be in heaven. Yeah. Yeah. Seriously. Because if you just ask Jesus to forgive your sins right before you die. Oh, that's my time, guys.

[Fang Chow]

Thanks.

[Brian Redband]

Oh, damn. Patrick Cassidy, ladies and gentlemen. Patrick, how long you been doing stand up? About a year. Almost about a year. Talking to the microphone.

[Patrick Cassidy]

Patrick came out here last year to do the show, and for about nine weeks, and that's what kind of got me into comedy afterwards.

[Brian Redband]

Your second time on the show?

[Sam Tallent]

Yeah.

[Brian Redband]

Okay, what happened your first time on the show? What do we find out about you that's interesting?

[Patrick Cassidy]

I came out here after my father passed away.

[Brian Redband]

Okay. Oh, what else?

[Patrick Cassidy]

Do comedy. And you're like, yeah, because he didn't want to see you do comedy. And I was like, yeah, that was a good one. But that was a. That was what you gave me.

[Brian Redband]

Patrick, are you inebriated right now? Did you drink before this? Did you have a drink?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Patrick Cassidy]

I mean, I. I had, like, a sip of a drink, but that's about it.

[Brian Redband]

You had a sip of a drink?

[Patrick Cassidy]

My adrenaline's pumped right now.

[Brian Redband]

Your adrenaline's pumped right now? Have you been practicing? Have you been knowing? Okay, a lot. Why don't you do another joke? Why don't you do another joke? Why don't you take a breath and do another joke? Do something else.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Try something else.

[Sam Tallent]

Redemption song.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Anything else? Patrick?

[Brian Redband]

Here he is. Patrick Cassaday.

[Patrick Cassidy]

Guys, anybody ever walking on their parents having sex when they were younger? 27 times I came out here. Last year was only 14 times. I need to get my new place, I think.

[Brian Redband]

All right. There you go. Yeah, that's better.

[Elaine]

And that's how it's done.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah.

[Sam Tallent]

They want to like you, you know?

[Brian Redband]

Yeah. Patrick, tell us more about you. What have you been doing since the last time on the show?

[Patrick Cassidy]

Well, my plan was to go back and sell my dad's mobile home and move back out here to do comedy. I went back to Sacramento, and I had a big Kill Tony party with all my friends. They came, and about a half an hour after the show aired, I got a call from the hospital. My mom died.

[Brian Redband]

Oh, my God.

[Patrick Cassidy]

So I know my comedy kills.

[Brian Redband]

Was your mom watching, perhaps?

[Patrick Cassidy]

No, she was past that stage, but she. She'd heard all those jokes before, so.

[Sam Tallent]

Well, that's good news.

[Brian Redband]

So you went back to Sacramento to sell your dad's mobile home? Cuz he had just passed away.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redband]

You have a party, reviewing party and literally right after the party you find out your mom passed away.

[Patrick Cassidy]

I literally went from the biggest high to the lowest low you could possibly.

[Brian Redband]

What did your mom pass away from exactly?

[Patrick Cassidy]

Congenital heart failure.

[Elaine]

Red bed.

[Mike Feeney]

It feels like a fan of that, I think.

[Patrick Cassidy]

Because that's how he's gonna go, folks.

[Mike Feeney]

It feels like every time you do the show, something terrible happens in your life.

[Patrick Cassidy]

Kind of like I want to call everybody and make sure they're all right after this.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike Feeney]

Or just stop doing this if I'm killing this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good.

[Elaine]

I mean, you are somewhat affable. You've got special teams coach and Madden energy. All right, special compliment.

[Brian Redband]

Do you have any kids or anything?

[Patrick Cassidy]

No, no kids.

[Sam Tallent]

That's good.

[Brian Redband]

Yes, good.

[D Madness]

Yeah.

[Brian Redband]

There's no one left to die after this viewing party.

[Patrick Cassidy]

No one above me, no one below me. So it's like, why are you in here?

[Brian Redband]

Amazing. Do you have a girlfriend or something? Patrick?

[Patrick Cassidy]

No, I got a ex wife.

[Brian Redband]

Okay. Of course. You're close with your ex wife?

[Patrick Cassidy]

Yeah, we're best friends.

[Brian Redband]

Oh, nice. Okay, well, maybe she'll die when this episode ends.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What does she do for a living?

[Patrick Cassidy]

She does insurance.

[Brian Redband]

What do you do for a living?

[Patrick Cassidy]

Actually, I'm looking for a job if anybody's hiring.

[Brian Redband]

What are you good at?

[Sam Tallent]

Grim reaping.

[Mike Feeney]

Funeral homes are hiring.

[Sam Tallent]

Killing everyone he's ever loved. Resume.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was funny.

[Elaine]

Sam, plug your Twitter.

[Patrick Cassidy]

Actually, I saw Sam last night. I was sitting right there.

[Sam Tallent]

Yeah, yeah, you were lovely. You were laughing really hard. I'm loathe to make fun of you because.

[Brian Redband]

What are you good at? Let's try to get you a job. What can you do? What do you have experience in?

[Patrick Cassidy]

I used to manage a bunch of insurance offices and I had a. I owned my own brokerage.

[Sam Tallent]

But was it life insurance?

[Patrick Cassidy]

It was not. That would have been good, right?

[Sam Tallent]

I mean, it would have been convenient.

[Patrick Cassidy]

Yeah, for sure. I could have example. But no, I. I'm hoping to get a job in comedy. That's why I came out here. I'm in the same RV I was in last year. Towed it out here and sold both. Both mobile homes because I had to sell my mom's mobile home after she died.

[D Madness]

Wow.

[Patrick Cassidy]

Now when she cost me about a bunch of money.

[Brian Redband]

But the funeral cost you a bunch of money.

[Fang Chow]

Yeah.

[Patrick Cassidy]

Well, back to backs, you know.

[Brian Redband]

Right.

[Patrick Cassidy]

Wasn't expecting that exactly. Kind of went out all on dads and then.

[Brian Redband]

Were they together still or.

[Patrick Cassidy]

No, they actually lived together, but they've been divorced for 50 years.

[Brian Redband]

Almost divorced for 50 years. Meanwhile, they passed away right near each other. Isn't that amazing?

[Sam Tallent]

Was it a gas leak?

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They had separate mobile homes. Yeah, unless he's the one releasing the gas.

[Elaine]

Were there any. Were there any pets around? You know how Gene Hackman and his wife died and the dog was there too, and everybody thought the dog. I thought the dog did it. Did you ever hear about that? No. No pets around.

[Patrick Cassidy]

I didn't know Gene Hackman was dead yet.

[Brian Redband]

Your mom.

[Sam Tallent]

Your life's just getting worse and worse.

[D Madness]

Sorry.

[Elaine]

Gene Hackman's dead. Forrest Gump. Jenny with AIDS and airbud can play football.

[Brian Redband]

Elaine, how do you know about all this?

[Elaine]

Google.

[Brian Redband]

Wow. Amazing. I didn't know you knew how to Google.

[Elaine]

Oh, I've got wi fi everywhere. Even in my red band.

[Brian Redband]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Glass shattering.

[Sam Tallent]

Stone cold just came out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it's a stone cold.

[Elaine]

God, I hope so. Nicole did.

[Brian Redband]

Let's look at. Let's play some optimism games here. Patrick, what type of job in comedy are you looking for? Because being a former insurance broker doesn't really help.

[Patrick Cassidy]

It doesn't help at all. I'm really looking to just get any entry level job anywhere at a comedy club. Just so I'm not. Money's not just hemorrhaging out every month, right?

[Brian Redband]

How much money do you have left right now?

[Patrick Cassidy]

About 15 grand left in the bank.

[Brian Redband]

15 grand left in the bank.

[Patrick Cassidy]

RV plus spots, like 1600 bucks a month.

[Brian Redband]

So your RV spot is 1600 bucks.

[Patrick Cassidy]

About three. Three going out every month.

[Brian Redband]

Okay, so. All right, well, plus I spent.

[Mike Feeney]

God Damn.

[Patrick Cassidy]

Spend about 300 bucks a month here.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah.

[Big Chuck]

Yeah.

[Brian Redband]

Getting tickets here.

[Patrick Cassidy]

So, I mean. Wow, Good idea.

[Mike Feeney]

I do like that you're wearing a mothership. You're wearing like the band shirt to the concert. That's.

[Patrick Cassidy]

This is the first one I bought online. Like when the.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, very tight, very tight.

[Patrick Cassidy]

Well, you should see last year. Way tighter. About 40 pounds lighter than it was here last year.

[Elaine]

So mazel tov.

[Mike Feeney]

Congrats, man. That's.

[Brian Redband]

Say heavier.

[Sam Tallent]

All right.

[Mike Feeney]

This guy's excited.

[Brian Redband]

The crowd that is taking control of

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

the show, ladies and gentlemen.

[Brian Redband]

Very good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's pay attention up here, guys.

[Brian Redband]

So, Patrick, any parting words before you leave?

[Busco Jones]

Just.

[Patrick Cassidy]

I love this place, man. Just keep doing it, Tony.

[Brian Redband]

You keep. You keep doing it, buddy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Don't stop. Something's gonna happen for you.

[Elaine]

I know.

[Mike Feeney]

I know it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Patrick Cassaday. Keep trying, Patrick. Take chances. You gotta keep practicing so that you're less nervous next time. That's the Trick.

[Brian Redband]

That's what you do it for. All right.

[Sam Tallent]

Maybe don't do any crystal meth. That'd be helpful.

[Mike Feeney]

Someone close to him is gonna die. I just want you to know that.

[Brian Redband]

I don't think there's anyone left.

[Sam Tallent]

No, he said he's the only one. What's the fucking point? That was one of his fun asides he had.

[Elaine]

What he said.

[Sam Tallent]

He said I'm the only one left. What's the fucking point?

[Elaine]

Oh, shit.

[Brian Redband]

We're gonna find out. There might. There might be an RV for sale in the next couple months. This looks like a fun name. Looks like a new name. Make some noise for Big Chuck, everybody.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here comes the Big Chuck.

[Big Chuck]

Hell, yeah. Dude, what's going on? I got a lot of inventions I've been working on lately. My latest invention is a new breakfast cereal. The working title is Oops All Shrooms. I like to eat shrooms for breakfast, dude. It's pretty fun. Yeah, it's working out. I'm down a couple pounds and I'm up a couple IQ points. So it's working, dude. Hell yeah, I eat shrooms for breakfast. It makes your day a little weird, you know? The other day I had shrooms for breakfast, Forgot. Ended up donating blood. I was like, oh, no, dude. My blood's supposed to be going to help sick people, but some cancer kid is going for a ride, dude. He's gonna meet God a little sooner than he hoped. Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, 55 seconds of eating shrooms in the morning material. Ladies and gentlemen, Chuck.

[Brian Redband]

Welcome to the show. You're not as big as I was hoping you would be with the name Big Chuck. On this show, you're more of a medium.

[Sam Tallent]

Thanks, buddy.

[Brian Redband]

Medium Chuck, welcome. How old are you?

[Big Chuck]

I'm 39.

[Brian Redband]

39? You don't look a day under 55. It's incredible. Welcome, welcome. This is your first time on the show?

[Big Chuck]

Yes, sir.

[Brian Redband]

How long you been doing standup?

[Big Chuck]

About two years. A little under two years.

[Brian Redband]

Where at?

[Big Chuck]

Reno, Nevada.

[Brian Redband]

Wow, you were expecting a big response there.

[Sam Tallent]

You're the gets electrocuted when he answers a question. Yeah, like he's going to levitate.

[D Madness]

Reno.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[Mike Feeney]

What do you lack in punch lines? You make up for in volumes. And that's fun.

[D Madness]

Thank you.

[Brian Redband]

There you go. The biggest little comedian we've had on the show all day. So what do you do for work, Big Chuck?

[Big Chuck]

I do video and audio production. I'm about to get laid off, so I am open to doing a Mexican drum off for Red Band's Job.

[Brian Redband]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Great.

[Brian Redband]

Red pants.

[D Madness]

Job.

[Brian Redband]

There you go. All right, Big Chuck, you married? You have kids?

[Big Chuck]

Yeah, I'm married. I have a son. He's 8 years old. And I have a dog, too.

[Sam Tallent]

What's his name?

[Big Chuck]

The dog or the son?

[Brian Redband]

Either one.

[Law Coger]

My.

[Sam Tallent]

Okay.

[Big Chuck]

Goose.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, what's the dog's name?

[Elaine]

You should scream everything. And there's such an anticlimactic silence after. I imagine us going out later and you're like, we're going to another bar. I love you. Keep going. What's. What's the son's name?

[Brian Redband]

I love the gray beard. It looks like you went down on a lane before the show.

[Matthew Coffin]

Yeah.

[Elaine]

Dude, play your cars, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Must be why your breath smells like Red Bull right now.

[Elaine]

Too soon?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Brian Redband]

Okay. Here's a little joke book.

[Big Chuck]

Thank you.

[Brian Redband]

Congratulations.

[Elaine]

Great job.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Big Chuck, everybody.

[Sam Tallent]

Big Chuck.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a very, very interesting backside of the show.

[Brian Redband]

The B side of this show is very interesting.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, this name looks promising. Make some noise for Matthew Coffin, everybody.

[D Madness]

Coffee?

[Matthew Coffin]

I've got a major issue with people not getting fucking words right anymore these days. I was watching Van Jones do this interview with these four black folks that voted for Trump. And one of the gentlemen said, I like him because he's an asshole. He says what he means and he means what he says. And I'm like, that's not what a fucking asshole is. We had a beautiful movie that came out years ago called Team America, World Police, made by Matt Stone and Trey Parker that told us the difference between a dick and a pussy. And an asshole pussy wants to bitch and complain about everything and make everybody miserable. Everybody an asshole wants to shit all over everything and ruin everybody's fucking lives and day. But then you have the dicks who are willing to stand up and do the right fucking thing no matter what, no matter people like it or not. And pussies and assholes hate dicks because dicks fuck pussies and assholes. And Donald John Trump is the dick we hired to fuck the pussies and assholes. And I love, love, love what he's doing with the Oval Office. He's turning that shit into a modern day fucking piper's pit. And I love it. I'm just waiting for the day when these world leaders mouths off to him and he says, that's interesting. Can you look over there for me? And while they're bent over looking the other way, he turns over and picks up a fire extinguisher and shoves up

[Brian Redband]

the guy's ass and says, all right. There, Matthew Coffin. A very interesting rally speech you just gave. Let's talk about it. How long you been doing stand up?

[Matthew Coffin]

July.

[Brian Redband]

July. Okay. Good answer. Where are you from?

[Matthew Coffin]

I was kind of. Delaware, sir.

[Brian Redband]

Delaware. Do you know your state representative? Sadly, you do.

[Sam Tallent]

You probably don't.

[Matthew Coffin]

Like we always say, yo, he's from Pennsylvania. He's not from Delaware. Who's that?

[Andrew Wolf]

What are you talking.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah, we're talking about, you know, a lady named Medina?

[Matthew Coffin]

Medina?

[Brian Redband]

No lady.

[Sam Tallent]

She's probably on a list you have.

[Dex]

All right.

[Brian Redband]

Look at that. You see that red band? Look at that little doggie up there. Yeah, that's adorable. That's what makes you likable. That's how you get the victims closer to you. Amazing. What do you do for work?

[Matthew Coffin]

I just. I've had 48 jobs since I was a kid. And I just picked up doorman work

[Brian Redband]

over here at Shakespeare's. Okay. How long you been doing that?

[Matthew Coffin]

Just a few weeks now.

[Brian Redband]

Nice. What's the dog's name? Look at that. Little cute.

[Matthew Coffin]

This is Lucius Fox.

[Brian Redband]

Oh, my goodness.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Adorable.

[Big Chuck]

I don't know.

[Brian Redband]

How long have you had her for?

[Elaine]

He.

[Brian Redband]

Oh.

[Elaine]

Welcome back to. Don't do that again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Sam Tallent]

How dare you misgender my dog. I'm gonna touch his penis.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah, and then expose it to the whole crowd.

[Busco Jones]

And cameras.

[Sam Tallent]

It's always a smart move to bring a cute distraction on stage. Yeah, that's good.

[Mike Feeney]

And then never address it. Yeah, that's fine.

[Matthew Coffin]

He just goes wherever I go. I love that his bed's my bed. It's been quite a journey.

[Brian Redband]

He works with you at Shakespeare's.

[Matthew Coffin]

Yep. He works the front door when we enter.

[Brian Redband]

I love it.

[Matthew Coffin]

They're wonderful people over there.

[Brian Redband]

Yes, they are. We love Shakespeare's. Okay, so tell us about your life, Matthew. Tell us some crazy shit about yourself.

[Matthew Coffin]

Well, that's what I was wondering, where you wanted to start. And I was like, well, I guess the beginning is the best bet. I cracked my head open and ripped my lip off my face before I had heart surgery at 2 years old.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Okay.

[Elaine]

I was rich.

[Andrew Wolf]

Starts to prove it.

[Matthew Coffin]

Sorry, sir.

[Elaine]

What's crazy?

[Sam Tallent]

Ma'?

[Medina]

Am.

[Andrew Wolf]

Go ahead.

[Elaine]

It's fine.

[Sam Tallent]

It's. Don't misgender, Elaine.

[Elaine]

Yeah, or I'll touch her.

[Brian Redband]

What was the heart surgery for? What was the condition?

[Matthew Coffin]

It was a birth defect. And it was funny because my. My dad was on the. My biological dad was on the phone with my mom while she was pregnant with me. And he said, oh, nobody in my family has any heart problems. And he hung up the phone. But basically it was a blockage between the first and second chamber that made it so enough blood couldn't transfer through to the next chamber, and it was making my heart swell to where it could have exploded. But there was also a hole in my heart the size of a quarter in the fourth chamber and allowed enough blood to drain out of it. So it didn't explode.

[Sam Tallent]

Wait, did a doctor say that if you don't get this done with, your son is going to explode?

[Matthew Coffin]

It's pretty bad. There was actually another girl. Little Indian mother and her child were in there and had the same condition as me, and she didn't make it. My mom had to console the lady.

[Brian Redband]

Wow.

[Matthew Coffin]

But it was kind of.

[Sam Tallent]

Kind of spiking the football, huh?

[Matthew Coffin]

And I don't.

[Big Chuck]

And I don't actually.

[Matthew Coffin]

I don't actually have this memory, but my mom told me very explicitly, like, it's been a pretty emotional couple months. But she had to explain to me. She was like, yeah, you've always liked wrestling. She was like, you had this fucking IV thing in your neck in the lobby. And I said, look, honey, Hulk Hogan's on tv. And she said, I turned my head so fast the IV popped out of my neck and blood's just squirting out on the floor, and people are cleaning it up, and I'm just like, Hulk Hogan.

[Brian Redband]

So, you know, a lot of people

[Sam Tallent]

have a different idea of a fun story than I do. Everyone who comes up here is like, oh, here's a fun anecdote I tell at dinner parties. There was blood everywhere.

[Brian Redband]

Tell us about your adult life. Anything crazy happened then.

[Matthew Coffin]

Well, if you want to move a little further, you want to skip to my virginity when the girl ran away from Colorado on a Greyhound to come see me in Delaware. And her dad got there before she did.

[Danny Martinello]

Yes.

[Dex]

Okay.

[Brian Redband]

What did dad do?

[Matthew Coffin]

Oh, he got. He was like. He saw me working at the shave. I stand, getting ready to make some milkshakes and shit. And he was like, oh, I see you're a nice looking young gentleman. I can see why she came out here for you. Like, it was actually pretty cool. They were Buddhist. They were actually very, like, peace, pray and humble bumble, like Buddha, Buddhist.

[Brian Redband]

Did you end up fucking the girl?

[Matthew Coffin]

Yeah. That night.

[D Madness]

All right, dad.

[Matthew Coffin]

And I earned my red mustache and red wings on the first.

[Sam Tallent]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

See what I mean?

[D Madness]

Christ.

[Brian Redband]

What the.

[Sam Tallent]

This is what I'm talking about.

[Mike Feeney]

Yeah.

[Brian Redband]

My goodness.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

At least I. I have a question.

[Mike Feeney]

Why is your tongue bright blue? Can you. Can you stick your tongue out and expose why the. Your tongue is bright blue.

[Brian Redband]

It's true.

[Mike Feeney]

Has no one seen that?

[Matthew Coffin]

Joe Rogan and you guys had to make a mecca for maniacs. And then Alex Jones got us all hooked on methylene blue. And now here we all are.

[Elaine]

Sure that's not Fruit Stripe gum?

[Brian Redband]

That's.

[Sam Tallent]

Wait, don't. Maybe this is a Veruca Salt thing. You're turning violet, Violet.

[Elaine]

That's my favorite scene in that movie.

[Sam Tallent]

Yeah, well, didn't she also almost explode?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa.

[Elaine]

You don't happen to love blueberries, do you? It's okay. We'll edit this out.

[Matthew Coffin]

I thought Tony said. I didn't that hear. I'm sorry.

[Elaine]

Fine.

[Brian Redband]

No, I didn't get a chance to

[Sam Tallent]

snap.

[Brian Redband]

Okay, so let's talk about now. What are your goals now? Well, you're working in Shakespeare's oh my God. Oh my God. That's a hard hat. For those of you that don't know,

[Matthew Coffin]

I've had 48 jobs since I was a kid.

[Brian Redband]

There's a shell inside of his baseball hat that is hard because of the trauma to your head.

[Matthew Coffin]

Yeah, I. I was actually wearing this. I worked at the last job I had in Delaware. Like job 45 or whatever was a union job. And I was up on the mezzanine, so a floor between the floor and I was up near the steel girders. The conveyor belt jammed. I got up on the conveyor belt, unjammed it, released it. Now I'm on a moving conveyor belt. It ran the back of my head into a steel girder. I knocked me cross eyed. I started throwing up and stuff. Like it was pretty wild. And the methylene blue. Actually not the. But actually kind of help with the post concussion.

[Brian Redband]

Absolutely. Sam. Talent.

[Sam Tallent]

Do you have any stories that don't involve a traumatic wound? Yeah, like you ever had a nice switch.

[Matthew Coffin]

I used to Knott's Berry. I've had. I've had my time, my little bit of time of hanging out and getting to know some people. I was trained by Van hammer and Dam McDevitt corporal punishment. And I trained as a professional wrestler starting at the age of 14.

[Elaine]

Okay, I.

[Sam Tallent]

And how bad do you get hurt, huh? Did you fucking cut a toe off

[Elaine]

and there was blood everywhere or there's.

[Matthew Coffin]

There's some scars from that and stuff and some head trauma stuff. But mostly probably emotional damage, but you know, it was my fault. I burned bridges and screwed things up, but I was a kid. I was young.

[Brian Redband]

And check in with Elaine here.

[Elaine]

I have a great question. This won't be wasting anyone's time. You talk fast and you're somewhat articulate for being such a fucking spazoid.

[Matthew Coffin]

I'm sorry.

[Elaine]

No, you're very. You're very likable. No, you're likable and I'm sorry you've been through what you've been through. We get to just fuck around and make poo poo jokes. And you're. You've been through some shit doing real jobs. So thank you for your service. But Also, you said 48 jobs. Could you name all 48?

[Brian Redband]

Nope.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You can't. Here's a joke book.

[Brian Redband]

There you go, buddy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There he goes. Matthew Kaufman, everybody, tonight.

[Elaine]

But could he. If somebody asked him.

[William Montgomery]

He can't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He can't.

[Brian Redband]

I know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

For no. Like, how about one more time for Lucious Fox, ladies and gentlemen. Lucious adorable dog. All right, one more bucket pool. We know this guy. He's hilarious. He works here. Make some noise for Lock Coger, everybody. Lock Hoger.

[Brian Redband]

Yo, yo, yo.

[Law Coger]

All right, all right. So I meditate a lot, you guys. So here are some thoughts I've had while meditating. Do real plants. Look at fake plants and think, why is this nigga not breathing? Here's another thought. It seems like a waste of earth to bury midget sick six feet deep. Like, six feet. Bury that little nigga in a mailbox or something.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah.

[Law Coger]

I've also noticed that job interviewers will ask you, what's your biggest weakness? Then be surprised when you say big titties. Like, come on, you asked. Humongous Congo mommy milkers are my biggest weakness.

[Sam Tallent]

All right.

[Law Coger]

It's a lot of white people in here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Exactly one minute from the great Law Coger.

[Law Coger]

You.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Always amazing, always impressive. So glad we got you out of the bucket.

[Brian Redband]

Yes, very amazing.

[Law Coger]

Appreciate it.

[Brian Redband]

How's it going, Law?

[Law Coger]

Cool, man. Just, you know, try not to go crazy.

[Brian Redband]

I'm saying, why? What's going on? What's happening in your.

[Law Coger]

Just with me, man?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's talk about. Let's. Let's talk about the hoes.

[Law Coger]

Yeah, bro.

[Brian Redband]

What are they doing? They behaving badly.

[Law Coger]

Yeah.

[Brian Redband]

A bunch of misbehaving hoes.

[Law Coger]

Misbehaving bitches, bro.

[Brian Redband]

Misbehaving.

[Law Coger]

I don't get it, man.

[Brian Redband]

Tell us about it.

[Law Coger]

I just keep running into, like, non monogamous, like, polyamorous.

[Dex]

Okay.

[Law Coger]

You know what I mean?

[Brian Redband]

Yeah.

[Law Coger]

Yes.

[Brian Redband]

You mean whores, right? Yes, absolutely. How do you keep running into them?

[Law Coger]

I'm a man.

[William Montgomery]

I love it.

[Brian Redband]

I love it.

[Medina]

I be trying. What?

[Brian Redband]

That's right.

[Law Coger]

Shut your Ass.

[Brian Redband]

Oh, my God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He said real recognizes real. Just an old white.

[D Madness]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, my friend. Hey.

[Brian Redband]

Time for me to connect with one of the homies.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A real recognized real. This guy.

[Brian Redband]

It's crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I didn't see him until you moved. Crazy.

[Elaine]

That's Freddie Magoo's dad.

[Brian Redband]

Tell us about it. What's up with these polyamorous pot pies out there? Tell us us about it.

[Law Coger]

Popeyes is crazy.

[Brian Redband]

Yep. Warm on the inside, crusty on the outside.

[D Madness]

Whoa.

[Sam Tallent]

I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm just riffing. It's no big deal.

[Elaine]

People describing my love life.

[D Madness]

I love Popeye.

[Law Coger]

Popeyes. Yeah, yeah. It's just a lot of it, man. Just. Just going on dates, you know, I fall in love after the first.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah.

[Law Coger]

And go on just me. All right, whatever.

[Sam Tallent]

No, man. Real respect's real.

[Law Coger]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, he's putting up the one fist now, everybody. The white guy. Oh, two fists. Oh, the double jerk off.

[Law Coger]

Love him a pot pie.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah. Elaine, go ahead.

[Elaine]

What is the oldest hoe that you've been with?

[Brian Redband]

There you go.

[Law Coger]

Right now. 46.

[Brian Redband]

Well, I got you.

[Mike Feeney]

Looking to break that record.

[Elaine]

77. You want to let me put my Ouija board on your chocolate slip and slide?

[Law Coger]

Hey, man, I'll try anything once.

[Brian Redband]

Are you into women with big hands and an unbelievable amount of arm hair? Look at this.

[Elaine]

I. I was told specifically you wouldn't do that tonight. Adam Egot assured me you would not pull my leg left sleeve up that far.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, it is a lot of arm hair.

[Law Coger]

I know.

[Elaine]

I eat my vitamin.

[Sam Tallent]

Elaine, do you tie a lot of knots? Your forearms are huge.

[Patrick Cassidy]

Yeah.

[Brian Redband]

What kind of workouts are you doing?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your shoulders are massive.

[Elaine]

Pickleball. Mind your own business.

[Brian Redband]

Power knitting.

[Elaine]

Law.

[Brian Redband]

Where can people find you? You are truly, truly one of the

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

top young rising comedians in the world. Give yourself a little plug. Where's. What's your Instagram or website or podcast or anything?

[Brian Redband]

Go ahead.

[Law Coger]

Yeah, Instagram is deadpan law on. You know, on Instagram, YouTube, logography, I mean.

[Wilson]

Yep.

[Brian Redband]

Well, which one is it?

[Law Coger]

D, E, A D, P, A, N,

[Brian Redband]

L, A W. They got that part.

[Patrick Cassidy]

Yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Back on the secret show. Thursday. Law. Boom. Back on the secret show. You already have a big joke book.

[Brian Redband]

You want another one?

[Frankie Magoo]

Boom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's law. Law, everybody.

[Brian Redband]

Boom.

[Law Coger]

Appreciate it.

[Brian Redband]

What an episode, indeed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So many different levels. So many highs and lows and personalities

[Brian Redband]

and traumatizing stories and some people with no trauma at all. It's been a very compelling episode, and for me, there's only one way to end an episode like this. And that is with who some people call the Cubano Killer, the Memphis Strangler,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

the Vanilla Gorilla, the Plastic Puppet, the Duke of Dietary. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Big Red Machine, William Montgomery.

[William Montgomery]

I met a guy at the airport who told me he used to do comedy. And I said, oh, are you pretty good? And he said, yeah, I almost went viral. Wait, how do you almost go viral? That's like me saying, I almost got aids. Pro tip. When you get off a plane and walk out of the gate and the people are staring at you, waiting to get on, say loudly into your phone. I've never seen so many spiders on

[D Madness]

a plane in my life.

[William Montgomery]

A Princeton grad student has been released from Iraq after 900 days in captivity.

[D Madness]

Damn, how long was that thesis?

[William Montgomery]

Growing up, I was told I should be a doctor because my handwriting was so bad at signing settlement checks to harass nurses. I was like a motherfucking nasty Doogare Hauser Dooker has. Okay, that's my time.

[Frankie Magoo]

I can.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Exactly one minute. From the man with the most appearances on the show, the most interviews on the show, the living, reigning, the Fear hall of Famer who just keeps adding

[Brian Redband]

on to his resume, William.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Lights out.

[Brian Redband]

Thunder Montgomery. Absolutely incredible.

[William Montgomery]

How are you? So nice to be here, Tony.

[Brian Redband]

Like, I'm having the best time and I'm so excited to see you. It always brings me an incredible amount of joy.

[William Montgomery]

You're so sweet.

[Elaine]

Stop.

[Brian Redband]

Absolutely stop. William, tell us about your life. How's it going?

[William Montgomery]

Oh, my gosh. I was in Tacoma this past weekend. It was a whole bunch of fun. And, Tony, it made me realize I have a joke that I've been telling now for a while. Unless atheists start having potluck dinners, I think I'll stick with Christianity. And it got a weird kind of response in the crowd, and I was like, what do we have, a bunch of fucking atheists in the crowd? And this one girl especially was very loud. And I got into this very long discussion with her. Luckily, people were laughing the whole time. But I was just telling her, I mean, you don't really know. I don't really know. It's a leap of faith you have to take. I mean, why are you going for this horrible dark part? Why would you want to maybe go to hell? That seems so incredibly foolish of you. And I just kept on. So it made me think, I maybe need to get into preaching. Tony. I think I've maybe. Hey, I think the Lord has been tugging at my heart, and I think I might have to do that so.

[Brian Redband]

No doubt about it. It happens, you know, it's good for people to find something to believe in.

[William Montgomery]

And I just want to try to save Red Band at some point because that guy's soul is so incredibly lost with his weird little glasses. What do you like to record on that Red Band? I see you got the little glasses. The record shit like a bunch of bathrooms probably. Bathrooms.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Put the glasses.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah, put your face in the fucking

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

part of the store.

[Brian Redband]

You can see the girls changing. That's what you told me the other day.

[William Montgomery]

Why are you acting like an idiot? Yeah, he's looking at naked chicks in the mall. Mall changing. He's nasty. Yeah, dude, you're gonna get sued. You're gonna get in trouble.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is this true you've been going to the mall Redband?

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, he's been going to the. Down the street.

[Brian Redband]

Straying away from the Orange Julius at the mall.

[Elaine]

Come to mention it, I do remember changing in the Nordstrom rack and hearing a guy outside going,

[Brian Redband]

Sam Talent.

[Fang Chow]

Hey.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah.

[Patrick Cassidy]

Hey.

[Sam Tallent]

You look good.

[Brian Redband]

Well, you do too.

[Sam Tallent]

I know.

[William Montgomery]

Seeing pictures. You look want.

[Sam Tallent]

Thanks, man. Right back at you. Look at these arms. You look solid.

[William Montgomery]

I'm trying over. I went over 1200 miles since January, you guys, today.

[Elaine]

Which.

[William Montgomery]

That feels good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So it's been wonderful.

[Brian Redband]

I'm looking at you two next to each other. You two both at some points looked just like a lot of the stories that we heard here tonight. Multiple heart attacks possibly right around the corner.

[Sam Tallent]

Hopefully my wife does it to me though.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah, that'd be preferable. And there you are. You've lost between the two of you more weight than I am. And it's incredible.

[Sam Tallent]

Yeah, I lost 60 pounds.

[Brian Redband]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Damn, that's wonderful.

[Sam Tallent]

Thank you, man.

[Frankie Magoo]

That's great.

[Brian Redband]

William, tell us more about your life, man. This is incredible. The people want to know.

[Sam Tallent]

Wet hand, buddy. That's a real.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, I have a really wet, cold hand. For anybody who ever wondered about my hands. A really cold and wet. All the time.

[Brian Redband]

You feel it? I can actually see it glistening on that. It is soaking wet. That is.

[Sam Tallent]

It's shaking.

[William Montgomery]

This horrible blister from the row machine. It's this nasty looking. There's one of these on Red's penis. Literally.

[Brian Redband]

Wow.

[William Montgomery]

I swear to God.

[Brian Redband]

Look at that thing.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, it looks like a weird.

[Frankie Magoo]

Do you see that?

[Elaine]

Yeah, Yeah. I got. I got something similar in between my thighs. I'll send you a link. William, you look like the ringmaster for a flea circus. Anybody ever tell you that?

[William Montgomery]

I love that.

[Elaine]

Have you been to the circus Though, because you seem like you go outside a lot. You go to fun stuff, but, like, what are you doing when you're on the road and, like, you have some time to kill for yourself?

[William Montgomery]

I will walk around. I'll smoke some weed and listen to some music and walk around. I do that a lot.

[Sam Tallent]

And there are people like, whoa, it's Pennywise.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Well, I have this. Some sweet Australian person sent me a hat with a whole face guard and everything. So I'm all face guarded up. And that helps with the sun. It also helps with. Nobody does that.

[Sam Tallent]

No one. No one else alive does that. Yeah, it's a good signature look, but yeah, Tony, everything's.

[Patrick Cassidy]

Everything's fine.

[Brian Redband]

You do seem a little extra moist tonight. Your hands are wet. I can see your armpits have a giant wet splotches.

[Elaine]

Dear God.

[Brian Redband]

Perhaps that is not the right great shirt to wear when you're suffering from an uni.

[William Montgomery]

It's been horrible. I get Tacoma. My whole shirt. After one show, my whole shirt is soaked through with sweat. Because I think I sweat so much every day when the row machine that now I just sweat. The floodgates are open. So I think it's good. I think it adds sort of drama to what's going on up there.

[Brian Redband]

No doubt.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Coming off.

[Brian Redband]

What are some other things that make you sweat in life, William?

[William Montgomery]

Oh, my gosh. Watching a good movie with a loved one.

[Brian Redband]

One.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. What else, William?

[Brian Redband]

What makes you sweat in life?

[Sam Tallent]

So close to me.

[Brian Redband]

What makes William Montgomery sweat? The world wants to know. I'm getting in my ear. Yep. They want to know what makes the great Billy Boy McGumballs Sweat.

[William Montgomery]

Makes me. What makes me sweat? Probably meet at like, maybe probably meetings. Somebody meeting somebody for the first time.

[Patrick Cassidy]

Wow.

[Elaine]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, That'll make me sweat every time.

[Sam Tallent]

I think everyone thought it was going to be something big, including the horn section. Just a normal human response.

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, you've been, like, talking to somebody or whatever, and you made it. And it's like, gosh, that would make me.

[Sam Tallent]

Dude, I met. I met Triple h and Stephanie McMahon this weekend. And I said to on because of Tony was nice enough to send them to the shows. And I met Triple H and I was like, man, my entire life, I've been a fan. It's lovely to meet you. And then to Stephanie McMahon, I said, My entire life. So I blew it too, you know? Yeah, it's scary meeting people. What the fuck does my entire life mean?

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, what were you thinking?

[Sam Tallent]

I don't know, but I've been thinking about It. Since.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Sam Tallent]

Non stop. Yeah. My entire life.

[William Montgomery]

It's almost unbelievable.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Sam Tallent]

It's unfathomably stupid. Yes.

[Elaine]

I met Lark Voorhees at a Hudson News once.

[Sam Tallent]

Oh, the Lark.

[Elaine]

Huge. That's it. Not every story is going to crush tonight, William. Yeah, it is so good to see it. Does a sweating thing bother the fans or do they take it as, like, a sign of, like, you're working hard for them? I don't know.

[William Montgomery]

Good question. I have no idea.

[Brian Redband]

That is a good question. What else makes you sweat? Will? William.

[William Montgomery]

Maybe eating Cheetos in my bed at night.

[Elaine]

Yep.

[William Montgomery]

Oh, Bunch on Saturday.

[Patrick Cassidy]

Yeah.

[Brian Redband]

Wow.

[William Montgomery]

Because I'm trying to stay kind of slim for the Roman.

[Sam Tallent]

You just want to sit on my lap, bro. I mean, what? Come.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I feel comfortable. I love this.

[Sam Tallent]

Yeah, you're good.

[William Montgomery]

Well, I feel comfortable around.

[Sam Tallent]

I love being around you, man.

[Brian Redband]

Why don't you. Why don't you do that? Why don't you sit on Sam's lap for a second? Elaine had a big announcement that she wanted to make. Elaine, you want to do it?

[Elaine]

I have a big announcement. First of all, how great was tonight's program? Was it not one of the best?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, we're not ending it yet. I know you don't want to do that. People watching might turn it off right now. Before you make that big announcement, I

[Elaine]

just wanted to give a shout out my big announcement.

[Brian Redband]

I'll end the show when it's time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very hosty.

[Brian Redband]

Has anyone ever told you that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Seems like you do a lot of hosting of your own shows.

[Brian Redband]

Like, I mean, I see this, like, Dr. Phil show. Very popular on YouTube, on Netflix.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It almost seems like you're kind of like. Like that guy.

[Brian Redband]

Elaine, why don't you make your big announcement?

[Elaine]

My big announcement is I. I found my car keys. I'm cancer free, and William is having my baby. And I actually, William. William got me pregnant about six weeks ago.

[William Montgomery]

It was six weeks ago.

[Elaine]

Six weeks ago. And I have a little.

[William Montgomery]

Up at New York. Up at the big waterfall.

[Elaine]

Up at the big waterfall. And.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you guys talking about

[Brian Redband]

Amazing.

[William Montgomery]

Took her ass up there. It was very nice. I was talking about sweating before something. Before I met your ass.

[Elaine]

We did your favorite position.

[William Montgomery]

Yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Which?

[Fang Chow]

What?

[William Montgomery]

Where I get up behind you in the bathtub.

[Brian Redband]

Yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah.

[Elaine]

Which I suggested just regular up against the fridge. But all of a sudden we're buck naked in the tub. So tomato, tomato, Ray Romano.

[William Montgomery]

But so it's happening. So you're literally. You have told me about it.

[Elaine]

I have a song that I wanted to sing to you. That is something that's near and near to my heart.

[Brian Redband]

Why don't you. Why don't you stand up and do it over there?

[Elaine]

And if you know the words, sing along. Hit me bad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Slide down Mike.

[Brian Redband]

William, give her.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. Give her your mic, William. I'm going to take this one. I'm going to take this one.

[Brian Redband]

I got you, buddy. There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ladies and gentlemen, the legend hall of famer, Elaine, everybody.

[Elaine]

I've traveled the world.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I've seen everything.

[D Madness]

Come on. But tonight will be the greatest night of my life. It has to be. Well, we've seen good jokes and bad

[Elaine]

jokes and jews and blacks and that

[D Madness]

fat guy almost had a heart attack tonight.

[Elaine]

But that's what you get when you

[D Madness]

sign up for kill Tony. You try your best. You hope that on your side is locked. And if you struck out, go back home and call me for a titty buck. Call me for a titty buck. Just a white man. Call me for a titty. You have my number. Call me back. I'm in the bathtub. Call me for a dated baby. And I'm so happy you're pregnant.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm so happy you're pregnant.

[Elaine]

I'm gonna give birth to a little clown.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Elaine. Ladies and gentlemen, how about one more time for the great William in Montgomery. This show brought to you by expressvpn, shopify and Bryce pick Sam talent is going to royal Oak, Michigan, Vermont and Denver. Comedy works over Thanksgiving weekend. Sam.

[Law Coger]

Yeah.

[Sam Tallent]

Thank you. Samtalent.com it's an honor.

[D Madness]

My entire life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Comedy.com he's the co host wanted. Host of co host wanted. It's all over YouTube. He's going to Fort Worth, Texas, Maine. Get [e-mail] Elaine, what can I say? Plug yourself. Tell him all about what you're working on.

[Elaine]

Guys. My grandson Adam Ray is doing the final Dr. Phil live in Los Angeles on December 16th. And then he just launched a huge theater tour for next January through April. Vegas, New York, Boston, Denver, Portland, Seattle.

[D Madness]

Adamraycomry.com I love you guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Support her. Her grandson, Adamray. Comedy.com Literally one of the biggest stars to ever come out of this show. Dr. Bill, Elaine, Jeremy, Tony Hinchcliff. Adam Ray, full of surprises. Your grandson is amazing. We love him. Literally, like the greatest thing to ever

[Brian Redband]

happen to the show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're unbelievable. One more time for Alex, everybody. The drawing from Ryan je belt. Let's see what Chris Rogers drew over there. Whoa, Timmy.

[Medina]

No breaks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look out, red band Check out the Sunset Strip atx.com love you.

[Brian Redband]

Tickets A few tickets are still available

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

for the arena New Year's Eve here.

[Brian Redband]

So for those of you complaining that

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you can never get tickets to Kill Tony, this is your only chance.

[Brian Redband]

I'm also doing stand up in an

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

arena in Salt Lake City.

[Brian Redband]

What can go wrong in Utah in

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

an arena November 1st. Yikes.

[Brian Redband]

So much fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We love you guys. God bless this audience and God bless the United States of America. Thank you. Good night everybody.

[Brian Redband]

The Sunset Strip Comedy club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.