#749 - SLY STALLONE (KYLE DUNNIGAN) + TONY YAYO

Summary

Podcast Summary: Kill Tony #749 – Sly Stallone (Kyle Dunnigan) + Tony Yayo

Date: December 23, 2025
Venue: Comedy Mothership, Austin, Texas
Host: Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban
Special Guests: “Sylvester Stallone” (Kyle Dunnigan), Tony Yayo (rapper, G-Unit)
Featured Regulars: David Lucas, Dedrick Flynn, William Montgomery, Timmy No Breaks

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Main Theme & Purpose

This episode of Kill Tony delivers the signature chaos of the world’s #1 live comedy podcast, blending uncensored stand-up, irreverent crowd work, and outrageous panel banter. The big headline: Sly Stallone (impressionist Kyle Dunnigan) and rap legend Tony Yayo anchor a celebrity-studded panel, roasting comedians and riffing on pop culture, race, class, and everything wrong or right about Austin, Texas. The show features a cross-section of new comics and Kill Tony regulars, with plenty of wild moments, crowd interactions, and celebrity impressions.

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Key Segments & Highlights

1. Panel Introduction

(03:36)

• Brian Redban hypes the audience: “Tonight is one of the greatest actors of all time with one of the greatest rappers of all time.”
• “Sly Stallone” enters in character (Kyle Dunnigan) alongside Tony Yayo, letting loose from the jump:
  • Stallone: “You always kind of just punch the water...come on, let’s go.” (08:20)

2. Golden Ticket Winner: Aaron Belial

(06:36 – 11:24)

• Stand-up about being underestimated because of his disability; delivers one-liners about guns, serial killers, and using his handicap placard at the shooting range.
• Stories about touring with Stevo, selling out 23 shows, “I get a Corvette that I can’t drive. The license plate should say I drool.”
• Gets challenged by Tony Yayo for his “Stephen Walking” vibes:
  • “He’s like Stephen Walking. Is that a good singer? Hey yo, that’s a very good one.” – Tony Yayo (11:24)

3. From the Bucket: Undiscovered Comedians + Panel Roasts

Lingo Smith

(12:20 – 21:24)

• Lingo delivers wild “fat-bitch” and fried-chicken stories; discusses his largest lover (“about 450”); works at Apple but claims to know nothing about tech.
• Demonstrates freestyling skills—lightheartedly roasted after a failed beat drop:
  • “You fat as hell...you get no coochie. I got hoochies clapping handstands.” – Lingo, freestyling at Redban (20:58)
• Panel crosstalk about finding love at “different chicken places” and life in Austin vs. Orlando.

Jason Robo

(22:43 – 32:32)

• Hippie comic, lives in an ATV trailer with a dog, travels to festivals, does “intense reflexology using shark teeth and crystals.”
• Advocates for drug legalization; tells Redban, “A lot of people worried about the Jews, but I’m worried about the shoes.” (26:57)
• Flips the typical Kill Tony script, befuddling the panel with his unique lifestyle.

Ben Dalke

(40:26 – 51:48)

• Awkward, deadpan set about handshake styles and sexual misadventure; openly discusses inherited money, gaming (“Death Stranding”), and recent struggles losing his virginity.
• A painfully honest, hilarious Q&A about erectile dysfunction and finishing “in 35 seconds” after positive affirmations:
  • Ben: “You are enough.” (48:58)
• “Barely” improved stamina: “It’s not that bad for 22...just, uh, don’t do rape jokes anymore.” – Redban (51:48)

Nino

(52:35 – 61:07)

• Jokes about being an “essential worker” delivering groceries, complaining about heavy orders and rude apartment dwellers.
• Admits to hooking up with a 65-year-old “guilt” (grandma I’d like to…), details “getting sloppy toppy from an oldie goldie” in his Kia Forte:
  • “The best way I could describe it is like, fellas, remember when you’re a kid and you go in the Jacuzzi and you put your dick inside the jet?” – Nino (59:07)

4. Regulars & Kill Tony Hall of Fame

David Lucas

(33:32 – 39:31)

• Legendary roaster and crowd favorite. Maniacal set touching on “black on black crime,” women with disabled children, and wild sex stories.
• Epic panel roast-off, especially with “Stallone” and Tony Yayo, with lines like:
  • “Tony Yayo ain’t been this close to a gay nigga since he partied with Diddy.” – David Lucas (35:31)

Dedrick Flynn

(62:04 – 69:43)

• Set about the hazards of customer service and racism in the Deep South; serving at Roadhouse chains and fighting customers.
• “You niggers are always raising price.” Story of clueless racism:
  • “We weren’t shooting dice, selling crack, rapping when you were...I was just a GM at a goddamn car wash.” (63:14)

Keegan Carmichael

(71:21 – 77:46)

• Mitch Hedberg-style one-liner comic; fully leans into delivery with deadpan animal facts and bits like:
  • “Every whale was a sperm whale. Then I watched an episode about kangaroos...” (74:08)
• Reveals he delivers food on a bike and aspires to be, in his words, “your guy for special teams, Coach.”

Timmy No Breaks

(83:15 – 96:59)

• Absolute mayhem! Unique “superpower” set where he lip-syncs, roasts, demands an “N word pass,” challenges Dedrick to a rap battle, and, in a surprise twist, performs as an old Black man.
• Outrageous physical comedy, ventriloquist-style shtick, and declares “No, I’m just black.” (94:29)
• Brian Redban: “Every single time you come onto the show, you’re so innovative, you completely take over.” (95:14)

William Montgomery (The Vanilla Gorilla)

(109:44 – end)

• Rapid-fire, non-sequitur, surreal humor: Aphex Twin, Diddy, Taliban, jigsaw puzzles shaped like cakes.
• Absurd riffs with Tony and the panel on nutrition, Butterfingers, and Metamucil-induced bowel movements:
  • “I had a freaking doo doo today, Tony.” – William (114:02)
• Extended, running joke confusion over Sylvester Stallone vs. Arnold Schwarzenegger movies.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Lingo Smith’s Life Philosophy (14:33):

  • “Get a big one. That’s more cushion for the pushing...Skinny one, stabbing while you clapping.”

• Jason Robo on Hippie Problems (26:57):

  • “A lot of people worried about the Jews, but I’m worried about the shoes.”

• Tony Yayo as Sly Stallone (69:11):

  • “You know I fought for the Taliban in Rambo 3. That is a fact. I gave a young kid a knife at the end. I think he hijacked the plane years later.”

• Timmy No Breaks’ Blackface Transformation (89:52):

  • “How do I top this bar?...Blackface? That’s the only way to do it, Tone.”

• William Montgomery’s Movie Mix-Up (115:04):

  • “I loved you in Predator. I thought you were wonderful, killing off the Predator, that was wonderful...when you put the mud on your body.”

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Standout Timestamps

• 03:44 – “Sly Stallone” and Tony Yayo introduced
• 06:36 – Aaron Belial’s opening set & interview
• 12:20 – Lingo Smith: Fat girls and fried chicken set
• 22:43 – Jason Robo: Hippie life, dog, and reflexology
• 33:32 – David Lucas set & panel roast battle
• 52:35 – Nino: Grocery delivery jokes & grandma hookup story
• 62:04 – Dedrick Flynn’s carwash racial trauma story
• 83:15 – Timmy No Breaks’ “race-changing” performance
• 109:44 – William Montgomery closes the show with his signature absurdity

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Tone and Atmosphere

The episode is irreverent, rowdy, and relentless—Kill Tony at peak anarchy. The show’s magic is in rapid fire, improv-heavy banter between comedians, the panel, and the unpredictability of the bucket. Celebrity guests (or their impressions) dive into the chaos rather than avoid it, and crowd work is fearless and unsparing. The language is explicit, uncensored, and the humor veers from dark to gleefully juvenile. The audience is as much a participant as a spectator.

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Final Notes

• Three regulars and a golden ticket winner light up the show, with two of Kill Tony’s wildest performances (Timmy No Breaks and the William vs. Redban “grandma” battle).
• Kyle Dunnigan’s “Sly Stallone” is a highlight, blending surreal jokes about his own career, 9/11 coloring books, and wild Rambo/Taliban riffs.
• Tony Yayo brings hip-hop flavor and riffing prowess, blending in seamlessly with the comedic chaos.
• The loose format, variety of comic voices, and unpredictable panel interplay make for one of the season’s most entertaining episodes.
• "God bless this audience, and God bless the United States of America. Thank you, good night, everybody." – Brian Redban (120:33)

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Listen to This Episode If You Want

• Wild, uncensored stand-up from rising comics
• Off-the-rails celebrity impressions and celebrity rapper energy
• Relentless roast battles and crowd work
• A masterclass in live comedy panel chaos

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For full context, nothing replaces the electric, spontaneous energy of the live show — but this summary should give you all the key moments, wildest lines, and running jokes from the night Sly Stallone and Tony Yayo took over Kill Tony in Austin.

Transcript

[Brian Redban]

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out tonyhinchcliffe.com for everything. The Golden Pony, Tony Henchcliffe. You can also check out shopsquad TV for Death Squad merch hats, mugs, whatever, Shop Squad tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Redband coming to you

[Dedrick Flynn]

live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas, for a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Get it for Tony Hit.

[Brian Redban]

Who's ready for the best night of their lives? From Brian Redban, ladies and gentlemen. And that is the best damn band in all of the land. This is the number one live podcast in the world, Kill Tony, brought to you by Talk Space. How we doing tonight, huh? Make some noise for the great Raul Vallejo. Fernando Castillo. Carlos Sosa. That is the great Charles Reed iii. Joining us, Matt Muhling on the electric, John Dees on the keys. And believe it or not, that's not a guy dressed up for Halloween. This is the real D Madness, live in the flesh. What a fucking overloaded show we have for you tonight. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. We live in Austin, Texas, but we are jumping in a tour bus, ladies and gentlemen, and we are taking the actual Kill Tony show to Houston, Texas, February 28th and Dallas March 28th. Go to Tony Hinchcliffe.com for tickets right now. Come see an actual Kill Tony show in the great state of Texas. One in Houston, February 28th. One in Grand Prairie, March 28th. Tony hinchcliffe.com. get tickets now. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what? Every single week, I booked this goddamn show myself. And I cannot believe that I was able to secure these two guests tonight. I mean, you know, sometimes we go a little off the rails with exactly who we have. Sometimes it's, you know, two of the biggest comedians on Netflix. Sometimes it's the two of two of the biggest comedians on Diss and the dad and the blah, blah, blah, blah. Tonight is very special. Tonight is one of the greatest actors of all time with one of the greatest rappers of all time. Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you tonight's guests, Sylvester Stallone and Tony Yeo. Yeah. Oh, my God. Make some fucking noise. All right, Tony Yeo. Welcome, Sylvester Stallone. Wow, this is a first.

[Tony Yayo]

How you doing? Great to Be here.

[Brian Redban]

Sylvester Stallone, welcome.

[Tony Yayo]

Yeah, for Asia. You're my agent. Tony says, hey, you want to do kill Tony? You know, And I was like, what's that? And then he told me, you get a lot of views. So I said, you know what? Scalon's gonna do it.

[Brian Redban]

Sylvester Stallone is here. How about a hand for the great Tony Yayo is here. Ladies and gentlemen, the real report coming out just after New Year's Eve. Great Tony Yayo.

[Dedrick Flynn]

I just seen a lot of barbecue. Make some noise for that barbecue, Owens.

[Brian Redban]

Hell yeah.

[Tony Yayo]

I like that name, Yale, because it's got a yo in it.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, yeah. Yay.

[Tony Yayo]

In the beginning like you like yours,

[Dedrick Flynn]

Stallone. You the man, bro. You the man.

[Brian Redban]

Stallone and Yayo are here. You guys are both first time guests. So let me tell you how it works. Over 300 innocent souls, hopeful, hopeful. Have signed up for tonight's show. They are loaded up in a bar next door hoping to get pulled out of this bucket. If they are, they get 60 seconds of stand up comedy time uninterrupted. You know their time is up when you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then, or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear. I'm going to let this Filipina masseuse pick the first name of the night. Let's see if we have a happy ending here from this. Oh, my goodness. And the first name has been pulled while we go wrangle that person. We're going to have one of our elite golden ticket winners start the show with a minute of uninterrupted standup comedy. He was discovered here on Kiltoni, given a golden ticket immediately on an episode with a record, I think 22 bucket pools. We could not find anyone funny one night at Vulcan Gas Company about three or four years ago. And we just kept pulling and pulling and pulling in a very fast turbo round. Finally, we found this man with no voice after two appearances. Howie Mandel discovered him on this show, rushed him on America's Got Talent, got second place because they sabotaged his final appearance. And now he is here for us. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the golden ticket winner, the great Aaron B. Ladies and gentlemen, here we go. Here he is live in the flesh, taking the mic out of the mic stand. It's a real circus, ladies and gentlemen, here he is, the great and powerful Aaron Belial moving the mic stand and grabbing his phone. And any second now, the show will begin. Here it comes. And here we go in 3, 2, 1.

[Aaron Belial]

To get the American experience. I went out shooting the other day. I shot a.308 in the clay and a handgun. What kind of idiot would give me a rifle? That's just irresponsible. They were super cool about it. The guy hands me a handgun, but they didn't notice that when they handed me the gun. They all took, like, three steps back. They're like, this is America. So we are gonna let him shoot, but also this very special boy is definitely gonna shoot one of us. Luckily, I had my handicap pass, so I just shot everything. So there's a serial killer in Austin, Texas, that has been killing a bunch of people at Lady Bird Lake. I have a big secret. It was me, and I tried to turn myself in and tell them it was me, and they were like, no, you're not. Stop playing. Bunch of ableist assholes. People always underestimate me. I could totally drown a dude in a lake. I almost drown every time I go into a lake.

[Brian Redban]

The great Aaron Belial has started things off for us tonight. I believe that. That. I believe everything you said. Can you swim? Do you know how to swim? Perfect. So you. You and Tony Ao have the same swimming style.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Still don't know how to swim yet.

[Brian Redban]

How about you slice stone? What's your swimming skills like?

[Tony Yayo]

You always kind of just punch the water, you know, to get up to the top of it and then punch down on it. Come on, let's go.

[Brian Redban]

Aaron Belial, how's things been going for you? You've been out on the road. You worked with Stevo. Took you all over the place.

[Aaron Belial]

As of though, I had about 23 shows last month, all sold out.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Aaron Belial]

I get a Corvette that I can't drive and get the license plate. I drool.

[Brian Redban]

Look at that. I love it when you say something, but the crowd applauds because you don't know if they're gonna applaud or not. And then they applaud over whatever the rest of what you just said was. You want to hit? Hit that. Do you have the same. Do you have that button loaded up again? Here, just hit it again.

[Aaron Belial]

I need a moment to type a response.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, shit. All right, that was a good time to say that. This episode is brought to you by Talk Space. Oh, is that from you? Oh, that's copyrighted music. Here, pause that. Oh, it's not.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

You knew. It's. You checked, and it's fair use. Wow, look at that. Good job, Aaron. If this gets us a strike on YouTube, I'm gonna break your Good arm. I swear to God. I swear to God. It's a fucking forty thousand dollar mistake if you. Is that really coming from your phone? All right, hit pause. That's psychotic. We. We get the joke after like 10 seconds. All right, what else is going on, Aaron? It's a hell of a gold chain. I gotta tell you. I don't know what fucking claw machine you got it out of, but probably your own. His left arm is a claw machine, ladies and gentlemen. If you put a quarter inside of him.

[Aaron Belial]

A guy got arrested at my show this weekend.

[Brian Redban]

A guy got arrested at your show? Oh, my goodness. Uh.

[Nino]

Oh.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, he's got something. He starts making that noise. You know something's coming. Here we go.

[Aaron Belial]

He tried to fight me.

[Brian Redban]

Really? Wow. How did that go? What a bitch.

[Aaron Belial]

Not well.

[Brian Redban]

Is this one of those I hid. Oh, okay. And somehow you came out of the fight the most fucked up, Aaron. Anything else crazy going on before we get to this crazy bucket of ours where we found you? He's gonna plug a bunch of shit right now. Tickets are [e-mail]. i have 26 shows that I need to sell out this month. I need enough money to be able to buy six more gold chains. Christmas is right around the corner.

[Aaron Belial]

I need a Rolex.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, yeah, you got a lot more shows to do.

[Tony Yayo]

He's like Stephen Walking. Is that a good singer? Hey, yo, that's a very good one.

[Brian Redban]

Stallone Do It My Toe. Aaron Belial, you are the young legend. We love you here. You're always a great way to start the show. And now it has begun. We go to the Bucket, ladies and gentlemen. This is where we give people that. Some of them we've never seen before. Some of them have. Have been on before and done good. Some of them been on before and done bad. Anything can happen. The Filipina princess in the front selected our first bucket pool tonight. And so we're going to meet them all together and then interview this person. The whole thing's improvised. You guys get it? Your first bucket pool of the night. Goes by the name of Lingo Smith, ladies and gentlemen. Here we go. Here comes Ling.

[Lingo Smith]

Y' all shut the hell up. I got one minute. All right? I was talking to my homeboy the other day. I was like, man, I got an addiction. He was like, what you mean? I said, hey, man, I love fat bitches. He was like, but what the fuck you talking about? I said, hey, man, chill. Better go get you one. Cause why sleep on a big bitch when you can sleep on a Big bitch. I like them queen size, nigga. I had one, she was about 350 pounds. The bitch was built like a linebacker. I swear to God, I loved it. Cause she got straight to the point. One day, she was fucking up a whole bucket of Popeye's fried Chicken.

[Brian Redban]

She was just ash, ash, ash.

[Lingo Smith]

She said, after I finish this bucket of Popeyes fried Chicken, I'mma suck, yo. I said, oh, greasy head shit was magnificent. She went down. She was sucking her thing so good. I started singing a theme song in that bitch. I was like, ooh, they gotta love that chicken from Popeyes. Shit.

[Brian Redban]

I mean.

[Lingo Smith]

But the big bitch got carried away. She thought my dick was a drumstick. She bit it for real. I said, what the fuck? Shit. Sucking dick to the gristle. Skinny bitch could never. Hey, that's all I got.

[Brian Redban]

You know what I'm saying? Lingo, Smith, I believe every single word of what you said up here tonight. I believe that was honest material that you truly. I think you're talking about your real life. I think I do be loving them fat bitches.

[David Lucas]

Why are you playing?

[Brian Redban]

Did she share any of the chicken with you? Were you able to resist the bucket of Popeyes chicken?

[Lingo Smith]

Hey, we talking fried chicken?

[Timmy No Breaks]

Hell, yeah.

[Lingo Smith]

You got to share that.

[Brian Redban]

You're damn right you got to share that. Absolutely. Lingo, what's the biggest girl you've ever been with?

[Lingo Smith]

She. I ain't even going to lie to you about. She. About four. About 450.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my God. Ladies and gentlemen. Oh, yes.

[Lingo Smith]

I was in there.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my God. Now explain to some of these people, there's some, like, tech nerds here. There's some boring white people that have never been with a faux fitty before. Can you explain to them some of the details and some of the fun facts about an adventure?

[Lingo Smith]

I'm gonna talk to you because, brother, you look curious. Yeah, I'm trying to tell you, you get a big one. That's more cushion for the pushing. All right. You get a little skinny one. It's stabbing while you're clapping, tapping while they. But take notes on that. Oh, you know. Yeah. Your phone locked up. It phone locked up.

[Brian Redban]

I love it. I love it. So where do you tend to find some of these girls at, Lingo? Are you on the dating apps or are you out on the streets, man?

[Lingo Smith]

You know, you can find them anywhere. You know what I'm saying? You can go out. Church's Chicken go out there.

[Timmy No Breaks]

They out there.

[Lingo Smith]

They be. They in the streets.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. It's just different chicken places. It Seems different. Chicken is your specialty. Is there an app for that? Is there an app to where you could just find chicken places?

[Lingo Smith]

Be one they need a specialized one. You know what, that's a good idea. I might around.

[Brian Redban]

Yep, yep, yep, yep. I love it. Lingo. How long you been doing stand up comedy?

[Lingo Smith]

Going on about three years.

[Brian Redban]

Going about three, three years. Where at?

[Lingo Smith]

I'm from Orlando.

[Brian Redban]

I was. Okay, I should have fucking gone with my gut there and guessed you're from Orlando. Do you live here now or are you still in Orlando?

[Lingo Smith]

Nah, I live here, man. I stay East 5th.

[Brian Redban]

Nice, nice. I love it. East 5th represent fun fact between East 5th and East 4th is faux fitty lingo. What do you do for a living?

[Lingo Smith]

I can't tell you that.

[Brian Redban]

Really?

[Lingo Smith]

I can't tell you that. I just got the job.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Lingo Smith]

That's what I got.

[Brian Redban]

Can you just tell us the field that you work in? Is it. What kind of field is it?

[Lingo Smith]

So it's really complicated. I. I work at the opposite of Microsoft.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

[Lingo Smith]

You know, hey, man, it man, I showed up late the other day. I work at Apple, nigga. I work at Apple.

[Brian Redban]

Okay?

[Lingo Smith]

You know what I'm saying? And I go, I don't even know why they hide my black ass. I really, I don't know shit about tech phones, none of that. They be the. We need you to push this Apple carry. I don't care. Now I'm a push it.

[Brian Redban]

So you actually work in like the Apple store?

[Lingo Smith]

Yeah, I'll be selling shit at the mall.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Lingo Smith]

Barton Creek.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, very cool.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Selling.

[Brian Redban]

I've been there a couple of times. Almost absolutely lost my fucking mind in that place. Yeah. Hey, hey.

[Lingo Smith]

I ain't going to lie. Like, so, like, I swear to God, like the other day, like a group of niggas, they came in trying to steal some shit. I was like, hey, man, what the. I had to stop it.

[Brian Redban]

So.

[Lingo Smith]

What the y' all doing, man? Do this on my lunch break. What the wrong with y'?

[Ben Dalke]

All?

[Lingo Smith]

I'm saying?

[Brian Redban]

Just, I love it.

[Lingo Smith]

Yeah, I got the.

[Brian Redban]

I love it. Amazing. So in your three years of stand up comedy, when did you move to Austin exactly?

[Lingo Smith]

I moved September. Yeah, I moved that time. I'm new as hell out here.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. What? Have you noticed what's different between Austin and Orlando?

[Lingo Smith]

Homeless people. The fuck? I wish somebody would have warned me about these niggas. Cause like, out here they on mega meth. Like, and they creative. Like back in Orlando, if you got a homeless person, you tell them like, But I ain't giving you a dollar. They just go on about they fucking way here, bro. I swear to God, I told one. I said, hey, man, like, you know what? Matter of fact, he came up to me like, dmx. I swear he signed a dmx.

[Brian Redban]

He was like, hey, yo, man, you got a dollar?

[Lingo Smith]

I was like, what the fuck? I said, here you go. Gave him a dollar. You like, you got my own yellow. What the fuck? That ain't how this goes. Nigga was robbing me.

[Brian Redban]

He was. You got robbed by a homeless guy. Lingo. Other than. Hell yeah. Other than stand up comedy, do you have any special skills or talents? Is there, like, you seem like the kind of guy that's really good at something that would surprise you, you know?

[Lingo Smith]

Hey, I'm glad you asked that shit, man. I feel like I'm decent at freestyling, man.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, no way. Really? Well, I mean, when in Rome. I mean, we have the great Tony Yayo here. Hey, yes, sir, man.

[Lingo Smith]

Yes, sir.

[Brian Redban]

You didn't. You didn't recognize him?

[Lingo Smith]

I was so locked in.

[Brian Redban]

I love it.

[Lingo Smith]

But, you know, I appreciate that, man. I'm highlighting.

[Brian Redban]

I love it. Then this is. This is Sylvester Stallone. This is the great actor Sylvester Stallone.

[Tony Yayo]

Yo.

[Brian Redban]

Yes, sir.

[Lingo Smith]

Good job, good job, good job.

[Brian Redban]

All right, well, you got a drummer right behind you. Give him a nice little light beat. Not too. Because I want to be able to hear him.

[Lingo Smith]

All right, this is how we're gonna do. This is how we're gonna do this. Hey, all right, brother. We got to stay connected. All right, cool.

[Brian Redban]

And then we're gonna do a little. So we're gonna do a little American Idol. After that, we're gonna talk, check in with our celebrity judges. The great rapper, producer Tony Yayo.

[Lingo Smith]

All right, but yeah, you know what, Tony, you gonna be the judge of this, all right?

[Brian Redban]

That's what I just.

[Lingo Smith]

I don't know what the about happened. All right, this is how we're every. So listen to me. Every time.

[Brian Redban]

You know what? I got another idea, too.

[Lingo Smith]

Oh, my bad.

[Brian Redban]

Sylvester Stallone give his opinion when I'm done. You go ahead. What were you gonna say?

[Lingo Smith]

Oh, no, I was about to coordinate the ship.

[Brian Redban]

I was already doing that for you. What kind of piece do you want? Give us. What kind of beat do you want?

[Lingo Smith]

Really? I just want. Because I know, like, some of y' all don't be understanding what the. I'm saying.

[Brian Redban]

We understand. Every time.

[Lingo Smith]

Every time I do this shit, when I do this, when I. This, like, look like this, just play

[Dedrick Flynn]

the fucking beat, man. Hey, listen, just play the beat, man. Play the beat.

[Brian Redban]

There we go. Play the beat.

[Lingo Smith]

Check me, check me, check me. I studied that game like an analyst. I'm a decimator. I don't like this beat. I don't like this beat. I don't like this beat.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Hold up, hold up.

[Lingo Smith]

No, hold up, hold up, hold up.

[Timmy No Breaks]

No, no. All right.

[Lingo Smith]

No, hold up.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Watch.

[Lingo Smith]

Hey, not.

[Brian Redban]

Yo, watch me, all right?

[Lingo Smith]

Watch me. Watch me. Watch. Okay? I'm have to cook. Let me cook.

[Brian Redban]

Okay?

[Dedrick Flynn]

Only the band is looking at him like, what the is going on? That beat was crazy.

[Lingo Smith]

That beat was.

[Brian Redban]

That beat was great.

[Lingo Smith]

You want to. You want to run it back? Let's run it back. Let's run it back it. Let's run it back.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lingo Smith]

Play it again like an analyst. Yeah, I study the game like an analyst.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Watch me.

[Lingo Smith]

I'm about to decimate the panelist.

[Brian Redban]

Red band.

[Lingo Smith]

You fat as hell. You need to hit your dim your sweat fan. You get no coochie. I got hoochies clapping handstands.

[Tony Yayo]

What?

[Timmy No Breaks]

Whoa. Tony Hen.

[Lingo Smith]

Cliff, I know you wrestle, but you're still a bitch.

[Brian Redban]

A3 6 heard your gang and you

[Lingo Smith]

catch balls in your mouth. No. Assist your bite size and you sweeter in a heath. Cliff. It's as real as it fucking gets.

[Brian Redban]

What? You really stink like a rolling rink. Whoever smelt it. Delta, you're up here sucking while wearing black velvet. Get out of here. Here's the big joke book. There you go. Get the out of here. You ain't getting me. This is my universe. You did good, buddy. Great stuff. There he goes. Linko Smith. Don't you come at me with your freestyles. Oh, my God. Oh, my go. There she is. Don't shoot for try to freestyle at me on my own show. We all have our own secret special skills and talents. Ah, that's right. I rhyme, smelt it and dealt it with velvet. Ladies and gentlemen. Not easy to do. All right, your next bucket pool goes by the name of Jason Robo, everybody. Here we go.

[Jason Robo]

So we've got an obesity epidemic. Or as I like to say, more baby fat than a dumpster at an abortion clinic. At least that joke made it to its infancy. It's no surprise as far as eating health is concerned. They've literally tossed the salad.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Come on.

[Jason Robo]

That joke eats ass. Heart disease is number one cause of death. Fun fact, it causes erectile dysfunction. I think that's your body telling you it's not fucking around. Your arteries are stiff. Diabetes is another major Health issue which also causes blindness. I thought it was just a fucked up weight loss program where you chop your feet off. All right, that one can be a stumper. Yeah, they don't want us healthy to medical mafia. If you were healthy, then they couldn't make a cut off you. Then they want your change. When you go to the store to cure shit like Alzheimer's, you think? I mean, the fucking nursing homes are the main reason why People go to nursing homes because of Alzheimer's. You think they want to cure that shit? Forget about it. That's it.

[Brian Redban]

All right, Jason Robo, ladies and gentlemen. This is your first time on the show, right, Jason?

[Jason Robo]

Yes, sir.

[Brian Redban]

Welcome, welcome. Are you as homeless as you look?

[Jason Robo]

No, I just went to Ecuador.

[Brian Redban]

You went to what?

[Jason Robo]

Ecuador.

[Brian Redban]

Ecuador, okay. And you came back like this?

[Jason Robo]

Ayahuasca.

[Brian Redban]

Sylvester Stallone. What do you think?

[Tony Yayo]

There's one. Does the dog know it's homeless?

[Jason Robo]

It's a tiny house on wheels. A little different, a little higher, higher class.

[Brian Redban]

Is it an rv?

[Jason Robo]

No, it's a ATV trailer.

[Brian Redban]

Converted ATV trailer. Okay. And it's connected to like a truck or something?

[Jason Robo]

Yeah, I got a Toyota pickup.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, cool. I love it. How long you been doing stand up?

[Jason Robo]

About 13 years. I did activism in college. Tried to start a revolution. Ate shit and all the people that voted for me got fucked over.

[Brian Redban]

You do look like the kind of guy that tries to start a revolution. What was the revolution that you tried to start exactly?

[Jason Robo]

Fighting against the war on drugs and.

[Brian Redban]

Wait, you're against the war on drugs? You look like the front man of the drugs. Were you fighting for the drug side? Which side were you on?

[Jason Robo]

I was against, like, they make canvas legal use in racism against Mexicans, basically.

[Brian Redban]

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Let's separate the words a little bit. You're talking in cursive right now. Okay, so what?

[Jason Robo]

Sorry. Right.

[Brian Redban]

Nice and enunciated. 13 years of stand up. I need to be able to understand you here. So what, what about cannabis and Mexicans and racism?

[Jason Robo]

Oh, they used. They said the super strength, stony, bloodthirsty Mexicans are raped their way across America or some crazy shit. Kind of like the killer beast thing. That didn't happen.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, this is amazing. Okay, that last comedian that just walked off, did you ask him for money recently and then ask him for more money right afterwards? I'm just kidding. Okay, so you're saying that who was racist? Who? The government and the media.

[Jason Robo]

Basically, they just want us all hate each other. So I like to say they just like, to rub in our third eye and make it more of a turd eye.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. All right. Okay. What do you. Where do you. What do you do? Like, what does a day look like for you? Like, I know it's not work. I'm guessing you don't have an actual job.

[Jason Robo]

Right after I graduated, I worked in the canvas industry and met growers up in Humboldt in Northern California. And yeah, basically that industry has gone down the toilet, so I started doing body work. So I stacked a bunch of wellness certificates and fitness and nutrition and stuff. And. Yeah, so I help people. I do, like, some pretty intense body work.

[Brian Redban]

What kind of body work? What does that mean to you exactly?

[Jason Robo]

It's like heavy duty reflexology. So I use, like, shark's teeth and, like, crystals to poke people's toes and fingers. It's hardcore.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Jason Robo]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

What do you do with the shark's teeth? Let's go one by one here. What exactly do you do with the shark's teeth? There's some people out here that look like they could use some real reflexology help. Whatever.

[Jason Robo]

Well, I mean, shoes basically, like, make our feet like this. Imagine if your hands were like that. It would suck. You know what I'm saying? So, I mean, a lot of people worried about the Jews, but I'm worried about the shoes.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. You have some of the most hippie dippy nursery rhymes I've ever heard in my life. But I bet you freestyle better than the last guy, believe it or not. So how long have you had this dog for?

[Jason Robo]

He's just turned 14. I had him when he was a few months old. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, that's adorable. What's the dog's name?

[Jason Robo]

Yarnby. He's been the news a couple times, too. He rides in a backpack on a motorcycle. He wears doggles.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, nice. Okay. All right.

[Tony Yayo]

The first. It's good. They put the helmet on the dog on a motorcycle.

[Brian Redban]

Amazing. So, like, what's. How do exactly do you make money now?

[Jason Robo]

I go to festivals, so I've been traveling all year. I moved here in March and, yeah, basically just been around for about a month, month and a half. I probably tried to get on the show a few dozen times, actually, when I was taking a break from trimming weed. I wrote your Wikipedia years ago.

[Brian Redban]

You wrote my Wikipedia? Wow. I've always wondered who the. You look it up.

[Jason Robo]

Yeah. It says Strictly Rebel.

[Tony Yayo]

Did it have a bunch of rhymes in it?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Jason Robo]

No, I just heard you on Rogan and I appreciated what you're doing. And you say you used to be Vegan. I'm vegan. And I'm like, oh, like you're. You're kind of brother, whatever, you know, I just figured I'd burn some time.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, I. I became a lot happier and more successful when I started eating meat. Just to let you know, it's 13 years.

[Jason Robo]

I'm doing good.

[Brian Redban]

I don't think I was ever like this. Just like that. No, no, I don't think so.

[Jason Robo]

Ayahuasca, man.

[Brian Redban]

No, I don't think so. What is the drug of choice nowadays? Jason Robo?

[Jason Robo]

I do this thing called rape or hoppe. Has anybody heard of it?

[Brian Redban]

Nope.

[Jason Robo]

Yeah, it's like a grounding thing. You put medicinal tobacco mixed with different medicinal herbs and you blow it up your nose instead of snorting it. Yeah, okay. Pretty intense.

[Brian Redban]

You blow it up your nose?

[Jason Robo]

Yeah. There's different plants. They mix into it. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. How often do you do that? Daily.

[Jason Robo]

I do it, like, before and after clients to clear my energy and. Yeah, it's wild.

[Brian Redban]

You're like a real guy, huh? This isn't a character or anything. This is you, what I do. Okay, let me ask you this. What do you think is the most hippie, ish. Like, you know what you are, like the crystals and the. And you're wearing a. You're wearing a. Like, yeah, sure, whatever. Yeah, that's the nicest way of putting it. Yeah. All these things. So I'm gonna ask you this. What do you think is the most hippie, dippy thing that you've ever done? Like, I mean, what is that extreme? And you know what I'm talking about because, you know, I saw you smile. Wait in a bucket. No, come on, that's. I would expect that of you. I want you to surprise me with this answer. I want to hear the extreme, like, thing where you're like, God, this is crazy for even me. I'll let you think about that one while I ask you the opposite question. What do you think is the most, say, conservative or, you know, venture to save and almost Republican esque thing that you've ever done before where you're like, God, this is so against my character. But I'm gonna do it anyway.

[Jason Robo]

I don't know, maybe call the cops when some guy attacked me with a knife.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, call the cops on somebody while being attacked with a knife. This is how these people think, by the way. Like, oh, I don't really want to do it. This is so conservative. But I guess I'll do it since I'm being stabbed right now.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Revolutionary, man.

[Jason Robo]

I Usually have a knife too, but

[Brian Redban]

yeah, you have a knife?

[Jason Robo]

Not with me.

[Brian Redban]

Not with you, but yeah. Where did this happen? Where did the attack with a knife happen?

[Jason Robo]

It was in Northern California actually. Was riding my bike to house at a grossing and to the what? It's an indoor grow. Grow scene. That's what we call it. There was a guy last week talking about being a grower. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Jason Robo]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, let's go back one more time. Let's see if you thought of anything. The most hippie ish thing you've ever done. Because you are an extreme character. I have to tell you, we've never really had anything quite like you on here. Like your dog is so at peace. It's asleep right now. It's like you have them on the same tranquilizers the Longhorns give you Bevo before a big football game. You ever seen this mascot? I love it. And it all makes sense, by the way. It all makes sense. Nothing better for the Texas mascot than a fully grown bull on tranquilizers just drooling on itself. Okay, I've given you enough time to think about this.

[Jason Robo]

I think the crystals on the toes is like.

[Brian Redban]

All right, if you don't have an answer, Red Ban has something about that.

[Jason Robo]

$50 an hour to do it.

[Brian Redban]

There you go. Redbound. Is there a crystal that like really pisses you off, like you don't want anything to do with it?

[Jason Robo]

I don't know.

[Brian Redban]

There it is. Right on cue, everybody. And definite unanswerable question.

[Jason Robo]

I got another diabetes joke about the blindness thing. And basically the, you know, processed sugar causes your eyeballs to cloud because of it. So basically your vision isn't crystal clear. Something probably that.

[Brian Redban]

That's what I thought you were going to say. There you go. All right, Jason. Pretty, pretty interesting character. So you've been doing stand up, did you say 13 years?

[Jason Robo]

Yeah, I got 25, 000 YouTube subs. I got some mixes on there. My George carlin mix has 6 million plus views. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

What's your George? It's a mix of what?

[Jason Robo]

His best material. He said he found his true voice after 92. So I use all that and I like audio level it all.

[Brian Redban]

So I think you're going to have your best material after 92 as well. The age of 92, perhaps. Fun times today, Jason. Very fun interview. You definitely are an original character. There's a medium sized joke book. Jason Robo, ladies and gentlemen. All right, well, I have a special treat for all of you, ladies and gentlemen. One of our elite Regulars of all time is here for you. He is a reigning defending Kil Tony hall of Fame member that is here to grace us with his presence. I present to you one of the greatest to ever do it here on Kill Tony. With hundreds and hundreds of appearances. This is the long awaited return of David Lucas, everybody. Yeah,

[David Lucas]

BLM said there's no such thing as black on black crime. Well, what I want to know is who was that nigga who broke into my house last night? He wasn't white. Trump said that Tylenol is making kids retarded. I do believe him because the last few bitches I had sex with all had retarded kids. They never let you know they kids is retarded. They just put them in the back of the house. And you gotta hear that, nigga. I was in the middle of having sex with this one girl, and next thing I know, her fucking door bust down and in comes 6, 6, 11 years old, butt ass naked in dinosaur slippers. And I'm like, hey, bitch, what the fuck is that? She's like, that's my autistic son. I'm like, I almost shot this nigga, bitch. I didn't know you lived with a Texas Chainsaw Massacre. She was like, let me put him back to sleep. He was having a bad dream. I said, bitch, I'm having a bad dream. I just seen a retarded nigga's dick. How you think I feel? She was like, we can finish fucking. I'm like, I'm good. I don't want no more of that retarded producing pussy you got. My dick is inside of itself. But I'd rather fuck a bitch with a handicapped kid than a retarded kid. Because, like, at least if she got a handicapped kid, she probably drives a van. And I like space. And I'd sit in the front seat and recline my seat on that nigga's legs. I'd be like, shut up complaining. You can't feel them legs anyway. All right, that's my time.

[Brian Redban]

Hell, yeah. David Lucas showing us how it's done. He's done it again. Oh, yeah. Squeeze that jacket together. Can you zip that thing up?

[David Lucas]

Tony Yayo ain't been this close to a gay nigga since he partied with Diddy.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my God. Oh, not me.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Not me. I ain't never been to a party, boy.

[Brian Redban]

Yes, you did. Slice Stallone. Have you ever been to a Diddy party?

[Tony Yayo]

Oh, yeah. Oh, come on. I went to all of them at

[David Lucas]

this that looked like when SpongeBob had them muscles

[Tony Yayo]

don't come at Stallone, man. Hell, yeah. Mess you up.

[David Lucas]

That teacher power clean.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tony Yayo]

See if this orbits around you. This guy coming out the Stallone.

[Brian Redban]

Come on.

[Tony Yayo]

I'm a legend, sir.

[David Lucas]

I don't even know who this is with this wig on, bro.

[Brian Redban]

It's sliced alone. What are you talking about? It's the actual slice. Stallone. This is like. This is like your fight. This is like a different fight.

[Tony Yayo]

Stallone, like Blubber Lang.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. It's like. It's like Showtime at the Apollo Creed.

[David Lucas]

I never got Ellen's face with Joe Rogan midsection. Hey, hey. Ellen Rogan body ass.

[Tony Yayo]

Come on, man, that's not funny. I got Oz epic face. Better lose some weight.

[David Lucas]

Hell, yeah. Tony. Yo, what's up? That look like a poisonous snake. He stuck his tongue out before he walked out here to check the temperature in the room.

[Brian Redban]

You know, it's cool.

[Dedrick Flynn]

All I'm thinking about is that Austin barbecue when I see you. Motherfucker, playing me. What kind of sweats are those? Slim fit. What you got on? Chill off of me, man.

[David Lucas]

When you take that hat off your back, scales come with it, man.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Stop.

[Brian Redban]

You look like a.

[David Lucas]

You look like a retired racehorse.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Not that one. What size is that shirt, though, buddy? What is that, a 5x6x?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[David Lucas]

You look like Scooby Doo.

[Sean Cantwell]

Daddy wrote.

[Dedrick Flynn]

You got that one.

[Brian Redban]

Yabba dabba doo.

[Dedrick Flynn]

I'm leaving you alone.

[Brian Redban]

David Lucas has arrived.

[David Lucas]

All the other kids with the pumped up kicks.

[Brian Redban]

Better, right? I love it.

[David Lucas]

David, I don't called you gay 10,000 times, Tony. I don't know what else to call yourself to.

[Brian Redban]

I know. Okay, Very good.

[David Lucas]

I'm joking, bro.

[Brian Redban]

Well, I know you're joking, but that every time you say that word, we.

[David Lucas]

Oh, cut it out, Red man. My bad.

[Brian Redban]

We're going to cut it out. We're going to cut you a homosexual.

[David Lucas]

They should use that word, bro. Okay, you can't say homosexual.

[Lingo Smith]

What the.

[Brian Redban]

Yes, you can.

[David Lucas]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Redban]

All right. It's waiting for you to.

[David Lucas]

Okay.

[Brian Redban]

Take a breath. Lord knows you need it. That is an incredible haircut that you have. What. What exactly do you ask the barber for when you go in there? They. The Starlink antenna. Like, what do you. Does your head get its own WI fi?

[David Lucas]

I asked for the Whoopi Goldberg.

[Brian Redban]

That is crazy.

[David Lucas]

From Sister Act.

[Brian Redban]

That thing. That thing is hanging on by a thread back there. Look at that. Oh, my God. You are something else. So, David, what's been going on in life, man?

[David Lucas]

Touring on the Killers of Kill, Tony Tour, you know what I'm saying, bro? Working on a lot of stuff. 2026 is looking real exciting, dog. You know what I'm saying?

[Brian Redban]

Yep. Yes.

[David Lucas]

You already know. Kill Tony, bruh. They don't even know how big it's about to be.

[Brian Redban]

2026 is what David sees when he stands on a scale.

[David Lucas]

2026 is how many you up? Texts you got in your phone, what you up? Like a nigga about to come through. And yeah, yeah, you up, Tony.

[Brian Redban]

I got the eggs.

[David Lucas]

I know you got the meat.

[Brian Redban]

That's what the trainer at your gym texts you, and you're like, yep, I'm up. Cholesterol's up, Blood pressure's up, weight's up, everything's up. I love it, David. Well, you're one of the best regulars in the show's history. You did it again. So much fun. Always comes in like a wrecking ball. And that's just the way he's shaped the great David Lucas. Look, his hair waves goodbye. I think it gave me the middle finger there at the end. All right, back to the bucket we go. Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket pool is Ben Dalke. Ben Dalke, everyone. Here we go.

[Ben Dalke]

I think I have a bad handshake. So I did some research, and apparently Trump and Bill Clinton are the world's top handshakers. I read that Bill Clinton's handshake is known for being both warm and personal, which is definitely interesting for a guy who rapes, Whereas Trump's handshake is more of a dominant power move. A handshake that makes people go, oh, yeah, this guy rapes. And I've been told my handshake is both smooth and pliable. A handshake that makes everybody go, oh, yeah, this guy's gonna get raped. For some reason, people think I rape, but I'm not strong enough to rape with force. I can only rape with drugs. I'm skinny and I have skinny arms. But I read that your legs are about twice as strong as your arms, so maybe I should try raping with my legs instead.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. All right, well, feel like we're all gonna get raped right now. I mean, that is a rape. Heavy set, dude. And you, do you have that energy? Have you been on this show before?

[Ben Dalke]

One time, yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. I couldn't tell if I've seen you here or just in my nightmares. Ben, remind us, how long you been on stand up comedy?

[Ben Dalke]

Like, two and a half years.

[Brian Redban]

Two and a half years. And how old are you?

[Ben Dalke]

22.

[Brian Redban]

22. Okay, so you started young how's it going for you?

[Ben Dalke]

Pretty good. Yeah?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Lingo Smith]

I don't know.

[Ben Dalke]

Not that good.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, perfect. Perfect. What do you do for a living? How do you make money?

[Ben Dalke]

Nothing right now.

[Brian Redban]

How do you survive?

[Ben Dalke]

I have a bit of money from like, like military pension.

[Brian Redban]

How much?

[Tony Yayo]

Apple Store will hire anyone.

[Brian Redban]

How much money do you have saved up? I'm always intrigued by how people survive.

[Ben Dalke]

Like 30,000.

[Brian Redban]

30,000. Okay, good. And you were in the military?

[Ben Dalke]

No, it's from my grandparents. Whatever. Shut up, you.

[Brian Redban]

You inherited money from your dead grandparents?

[Ben Dalke]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, got it. So you got 30 grand. What's your living situation like? Live in an apartment by yourself?

[Ben Dalke]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, wow. One bedroom.

[Ben Dalke]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, very good. That's amazing. So how do you spend most of your time, Ben, when you're not doing stand up at night? What else? Seem like the kind of guy that likes to take a pair of binoculars, go to the playground. What do you do, Ben?

[Ben Dalke]

Play a lot of games. Yeah?

[Brian Redban]

What kind of games?

[Ben Dalke]

You ever play Death stranding?

[Brian Redban]

I've never played anything that you've played, without a doubt. But I guess the answer is, what is it? Death, what?

[Ben Dalke]

Stranding.

[Brian Redban]

And that's a video game. Okay. Is that just online? No, it's online. The TV screens.

[Sean Cantwell]

Yes.

[Patrick Cassaday]

No.

[Brian Redban]

It's a very long game, though. It's a very slow game that you.

[Patrick Cassaday]

You're playing, right?

[Ben Dalke]

Yeah, yeah. I'm not done with it yet.

[Brian Redban]

This is our senior video game correspondent, the Duke of do nothing over here. So, Ben, what do you think's the most interesting thing about your entire life? You're 22 years old. There must be some fun fact about you, something that happened to you before. You're a fam. Family trauma story or something interesting about you.

[Ben Dalke]

I did recently start getting.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my God. There you go. He got. Wait, no, he's getting, ladies and gentlemen. And. And. And what? So what is this transition like for you? You're getting. Did they.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Tony, do you see a smile? Not to. Do you see. When you say getting. Smile again.

[Brian Redban]

So you're transitioning. You're getting a. Is what you're saying. Is that right?

[Ben Dalke]

That's what everyone thinks, right?

[Brian Redban]

Exactly. Okay, so how did you start getting. Ben, take us through this. Because if you can get. This is proof that anybody can get. Take us through it.

[Ben Dalke]

Ben, honestly, it was completely an accident.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, perfect. Yeah. Unlike the rapings that you're used to, which are very purposeful rapings. So let's talk about the accidental pussy.

[Ben Dalke]

Yeah. No, I started banging an open micr.

[Brian Redban]

How does that happen? Take us through it. So you perform. She comes up to you and goes, I think you're really funny. I hope you don't rape me. Nah.

[Ben Dalke]

She said that she wanted to bully me and then I was like, that doesn't sound fun. And then I felt gay for not letting her bully me.

[Brian Redban]

And. Okay, and then what happened? Exactly what happened.

[Ben Dalke]

Let her bully me.

[Brian Redban]

Right, but what does that mean, her bullying you? What is that? What did she say about you do? What is bullying to her?

[Ben Dalke]

She said I looked like a school shooter.

[Brian Redban]

Huh. Well, we all thought that, but like, there must be layers to it, right? Was there more?

[Ben Dalke]

Well, I mean, for some reason she's attracted to that.

[Lingo Smith]

Huh.

[Brian Redban]

And then what? You took her back to your place?

[Ben Dalke]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

And then what happened?

[Ben Dalke]

Like, botched having sex, I think.

[Brian Redban]

Let's talk about it. How did you botch having sex? Here we go. We're getting there, Ben. One step at a time. Just every time you say something, just pretend like I go, and then what happened after that? And then it's going to be a good interview when I go like this. Just know that means and then what happened? Okay, go ahead.

[Ben Dalke]

No, I'm pretty sure I have erectile dysfunction, so.

[Keegan Carmichael]

Yeah.

[Ben Dalke]

So my dick didn't get hard.

[Brian Redban]

What was she doing? Was she trying to. Was she using her hand? Her mouth? How do you know you couldn't get hard? You were there.

[Ben Dalke]

I know.

[Brian Redban]

This is your story.

[David Lucas]

I know.

[Brian Redban]

Are you writing it right now?

[Ben Dalke]

No.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, so like, you were there and then what happens? You guys start making out?

[Ben Dalke]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. And then what happened?

[Ben Dalke]

Nothing after that? Pretty much. It was pretty bad. I mean, not really, but like, did you take.

[Brian Redban]

Go ahead, slice the level.

[Tony Yayo]

I'm just like, that's not getting. Let him know.

[Brian Redban]

She literally just bullied you and then left afterwards.

[Tony Yayo]

I get it, though. The woman's vagina is a scary place, you know, and every like three or four weeks they get their pyramid and it's a total mess. So I get it. Sometimes cologne gets a dysfunction too.

[Brian Redban]

The great Sylvester stallone Plugging Kyle Dunnigan.com on this appearance. Must be a fan of Kyle Dungan's. We've seen this before. Elon Musk plugged Kyle Donegan. Bill Maher. The great Bill Maher plugged Kyle Dunnigan. A lot of these big stars come on here and their careers are so good that they plug Kyle Dunnigan. How cool is that? Who's on a sold out tour right now all around the country. Okay, so did you try to hook up with this girl again? After this one experience.

[Ben Dalke]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Timmy No Breaks]

So

[Ben Dalke]

eventually I was able to her. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

How were you able to her? I love it. Sure. Get it out of your systems. All right. The sounding lights, the lighting guy. Keno's going crazy setting off the lights. How did you. You find it within yourself? What tricks did you use? What did you do to make it work?

[Ben Dalke]

Lots of self talk, I think.

[Brian Redban]

Like what. What were you saying to yourself?

[Ben Dalke]

Positive affirmation.

[Brian Redban]

Like what?

[Ben Dalke]

You are enough.

[Brian Redban]

There you go. You got there. Was there anything else you were telling yourself? You are enough.

[Ben Dalke]

She's not just lying. Wow. Only some of its lies.

[Brian Redban]

So amazing. So let's just. Let's face it. So, okay, so the first time you get hard, right? And you're with her, was this the second time you guys hung out?

[Ben Dalke]

I would say so, yeah. I would guess.

[Brian Redban]

You would guess. Okay, so you get hard and then what happens?

[Ben Dalke]

Fumble around for a bit.

[Brian Redban]

What?

[Ben Dalke]

Just fumble around for a bit.

[Brian Redban]

Fumble around. So what exactly does that mean to you? You just did something with your hand there. What does that mean?

[Jason Robo]

Go.

[Ben Dalke]

Go soft again and gummy worm her.

[Brian Redban]

Huh? And then. And then. But then at some point, you were able to tell yourself that you're enough. And then it got hard again. So how long do you think you lasted? You put your wiener inside of her vagina, right? And then. How long do you think that lasted for, Ben?

[Ben Dalke]

35 seconds.

[Brian Redban]

35 seconds. Finally, a very straight answer. This is the. And then. So at 35 seconds, you feel it starting to happen and you pull out.

[Ben Dalke]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

And then where. Where do you. Where do you finish at? Where did you shoot your load?

[Ben Dalke]

On her stomach.

[Brian Redban]

On her stomach. Very good. I would have expected something weirder than that. I would have thought you would have, like, been shy and shot it on the floor. Just on. On your own pillow or something like that, like. But wow, you went for it. And did she like it? Did she make any noises or anything? What. What was she. What were the. What type of noises was she making during this? 35 seconds. Can you do an impression? Go ahead. Give us a spotlight here. Kino. This is the girl during. Go ahead. Ah. All right. No one believes that. Bring the lights back up. Slice Stallone. You think that's how it went down?

[Tony Yayo]

Yeah, pretty much. Usually goes.

[Brian Redban]

All right. Were you attracted to her? Like, was that the problem?

[Ben Dalke]

Oh, yeah, probably. Yeah. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

You liked her?

[Lingo Smith]

Yeah.

[Jason Robo]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

She's pretty.

[Ben Dalke]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

All right, any of you. You've been doing this regularly since then, or was it just that one time?

[Ben Dalke]

Not Regular.

[Brian Redban]

How often? Once a week? Every day? What are we talking here?

[Ben Dalke]

Probably like once a week.

[Brian Redban]

All right, very good. Very good. And you're excited about it?

[Ben Dalke]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Have you gotten better than 35 seconds since then?

[Ben Dalke]

Barely.

[Brian Redban]

Barely? Wow. Incredible. It's not that bad for 22. Ben, you're not doing that bad, all right? The whole set was rapey and weird. So you're getting a little joke book. There you go. Sign up again and we'll see what you talk about next time. Been doing it two and a half years. You gotta have something other than rape jokes. There he goes. Ben Dalkey, ladies and gentlemen. All right, okay. This looks like a fun name. Let's see what this is all about. Make some noise for Nino, everybody. Nino is next here on Kil. Tony. Mothership. What the is up?

[Nino]

I don't know if you guys could tell by the way I'm dressed, but I am an essential worker. Okay, cool. Don't clap, but yeah, I deliver groceries for a living. Without me, Westlake and BK would starve.

[Brian Redban]

Alright.

[Nino]

Austin needs me. And I think I speak for all delivery drivers when I say this. If you live in an apartment complex, do not order groceries online, okay? That is for homeowners only. Because every time I go to shitty apartment complex, you're on the 12th floor, your elevator don't work, and you don't tip. Speaking of no tips, if you're Indian. I'm not talking about Native Americans. I'm talking about dash from our duck. Don't order groceries online, okay? Taj beer. I swear, next time you order with me, dude, I'm gonna rub a chicken masala all over my nuts and give you some real spice.

[David Lucas]

Bam.

[Nino]

All right, that's my time, guys.

[Brian Redban]

Thank you, Nino. Hi, Nino. You've been on this show before?

[Nino]

Yes, sir.

[Brian Redban]

Welcome back.

[Nino]

Thank you.

[Brian Redban]

That went pretty well, huh?

[Nino]

Yeah, it was good.

[Brian Redban]

Was that your best set on the show so far? Yeah, it was very good. I love it. So you've been delivering groceries. How long you been doing stand up?

[Nino]

Gonna be four years in May.

[Brian Redban]

Four years. And where are you originally from?

[Nino]

I'm from SoCal.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Nino]

Santa Ana. Orange County.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, you're getting specific there.

[Patrick Cassaday]

How come?

[Brian Redban]

Oh, okie dokie. And how long have you been in Austin?

[Nino]

Almost about four years too as well. I started here doing stand up as well, so.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, cool. And you've been delivering groceries that whole time?

[Nino]

About two and a half years.

[Brian Redban]

All right. And so a lot goes on in the grocery delivery business. I'd imagine when the elevators work, it's not that bad, right?

[Nino]

No, it's not.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, but sometimes the elevators don't work.

[Nino]

Yeah, don't worry. You got to use the stairs. People in apartments for some reason want to order the heaviest shit too. Cases of water, dog food. Just dumb shit, bro. I hate it.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, all right. What do you do when you're not doing stand up or delivering groceries?

[Nino]

Well, I'm not on the spectrum, but I collect toy cars.

[Brian Redban]

You do?

[Nino]

Yeah, like Hot Wheels. 18 scale. Toys, trailers, replicas. You guys want to see the smallest toy car in the world? Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Is it in your urethra?

[Nino]

So this is called a Micro Mini. And Tony, open it up. I want you to open it up. It's a really grab it by the front wheels and open it up.

[Brian Redban]

Is that like a micro machine?

[Nino]

Yeah, no, take out. Take out the car.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, there's a smaller car in there.

[Nino]

Smallest toy car in the world, right?

[Brian Redban]

Wow, that's amazing. That is indeed a very small car. There it is. Yep. It's so small. There you go. I'm gonna put it there. Okay. So that's a small car.

[Lingo Smith]

Yes.

[Brian Redban]

I love it. You must get all the.

[Nino]

I'm single ladies.

[Brian Redban]

They know. They know. Has a woman ever flirted with you while you're delivering groceries? Groceries?

[Nino]

No, not really. A lot of my customers are old people, so they'll bake me like cookies, give me candies, stuff like that. So not really like hot, sexy ladies?

[Dedrick Flynn]

No.

[Brian Redban]

Nice. What do you do for fun around Austin?

[Nino]

Let's see. I like to go bar hopping sometimes. I hooked up with my first guilt a couple weeks ago.

[Brian Redban]

What is a guilt?

[Nino]

Guilt is a grandma like to.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, wow. So how old a ballpark was this lady?

[Nino]

She was probably. No lie. Probably like 65.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. Where'd you find her at?

[Nino]

Shout out to Deborah with an H. Wow. She literally told me that. She was like, my name's Deborah with an H. I was like, all right, cool.

[Brian Redban]

Hell yeah. So where'd you meet this old bag of bones?

[Nino]

I met her at the. At the airport bar. Right here in Austin? Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Nino]

So I was on my way for one of my friends weddings in California. And before my fly, I was like, I'll have a drink. So I was at the bar. I saw she was sitting by herself. I saw she had a fat ass. I was like, oh. I was like, all right, cool. So I made my way next to her. We started talking next. You know, I got her information. She was like, yeah, hit me up when you come back. And I was like, all right, cool. I hit her up. We went to some. I think she was staying out in Pflugerville, I want to say.

[Brian Redban]

That's where they live. That's where, that's where thick ass 65 year olds live, isn't it?

[Nino]

So she took me to like this local brewery.

[Brian Redban]

Ah, did you see him there? Pflugerville. With an H. I know. Yeah, that's right. That's right.

[Nino]

And long story short, we had a couple drinks, we kicked it off, we went back to my car.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, this one, this one right here.

[David Lucas]

What?

[Nino]

It was actually a bigger car.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, what's. What kind of car do you have? What kind of Honda Civic do you have?

[Nino]

No, it's actually a Kia. Shout out to the Kia boys.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Nino]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Sportage.

[Nino]

No, it's Forte. Forte.

[Brian Redban]

Ooh. GT.

[Nino]

GT.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. You took a. You. You took a 65 year old to a 4T. Okay. Yeah. And then what happened?

[Nino]

And then we started talking, then we started hooking up.

[Brian Redban]

You're in the driver's seat, she's in the passenger seat. And when you say. And when you say hooking up, you mean like.

[Nino]

Yeah, we're making it, you know.

[Brian Redban]

Right. So it's always an interesting predicament when you're in the front of a car. So who do you think was doing more of the leaning? Are you guys meeting in the dead center? You ride over this stick shift.

[Nino]

I kind of put my seat back a little bit.

[Brian Redban]

Ah, set the mood a little bit. Yep.

[Nino]

And she's, she's taller than me. She's probably like 5 10. I'm 5 7.

[Brian Redban]

Yep.

[Nino]

So I leaned back a little bit. We start. She like gets on top of me a little bit. We're hooking up.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. So she's the more aggressive one.

[Nino]

She is. But then I'm like, fuck it. Like, I start pull it on my pants.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, is this in the parking lot at the brewery? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Nino, you really do collect Hot Wheels. Okay, so you start pulling down your pants right then and there. You got nothing to lose.

[Nino]

And then she, she puts, you know.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, yeah, she.

[Nino]

She puts my dick in her hand, starts jacking me off, and then she starts giving me sloppy toppy. Dude.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Nino]

It was the best. Damn.

[Lingo Smith]

The bet.

[Nino]

The best way I could describe it is like, fellas, remember when you were a kid and you're going to Jacuzzi and you put your dick inside the jet? That's exactly how it fell, dude. Just hot sloppy. It was the best.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. So Flugerville. Yeah, that's Amazing. You got Sloppy Toppy from an oldie. Goldie.

[David Lucas]

Yeah.

[Nino]

Hell yeah.

[Brian Redban]

You got some of that. That.

[Nino]

Deborah, if you're seeing this, call me. I miss you.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. So she finished you off right there in the parking lot?

[Nino]

Yeah, I. I try not to. Not quick. I probably lasted about four minutes. Top.

[Brian Redban]

There you go. According to a lot of the people that have been on tonight's show, you're a professional porn star. So four and a half minutes is a real humdinger. That's incredible, dude. Absolutely amazing. He's like. So then what happened? After she finishes you off, do you just drop her off?

[Nino]

No. So she wanted to make out with me, but I got kind of grossed

[Brian Redban]

out cuz she just swallowed my C. You're damn right.

[Nino]

And I was kind of like, oh no. Like back up.

[Brian Redban]

Right.

[Nino]

But I still made out with her. It.

[Brian Redban]

Hell yeah, dude.

[Nino]

We went for seconds. We went for seconds.

[Dedrick Flynn]

You a crazy.

[Tony Yayo]

I would like you to find. Christ, young man.

[Nino]

Who the is this?

[Tony Yayo]

I don't know anymore.

[Nino]

Oh, wow. Big fan, dude. You look good, man. You look good.

[Brian Redban]

It's one of Deborah's favorite actors.

[Nino]

Did you. Deborah too, dude.

[Tony Yayo]

I mean, a long time ago.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, D, man is famous homophobe on this show. After you. After you made out with a girl, after coming in her mouth, he's gone, he's.

[Nino]

I can't take this no more.

[Brian Redban]

Hell yeah. All right, Nino. Well, you did. You did okay. You talked about your actual job. It was pretty decent. So you're getting a big joke book. Congratulations, Nino. There you go.

[Nino]

Thank you, guys.

[Brian Redban]

All right. Oh, you want the car back? Wow, what a cheap you are. I keep this one. Okay, cool. I mean, what the hell's the point? The car holder car. What am I gonna do with that? I'm gonna throw it in the crowd after the show. That's what I'm gonna do. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, like I said, this is an action packed show we have here tonight. And we have another one of the greatest regulars in the show's history ready right now. He is the newest regular on the show. He is is known as the Dark Storm of Atlanta. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for the great and powerful Dedrick Flynn, everybody.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Man, this shit feel good, man. I used to actually hate rich people before I got money, I did. You know rich people got different debit cards than us. They got. Maybe some of y' all got them out here. These little 22 pound bulletproof, solid metal debit cards made out of vibranium from Wakanda. Have y' all seen these motherfuckers and then they didn't meet. The thing is my debit card, that shit, if I throw it up in the air, it's gonna be a minute before it hit the ground. If somebody opened the door, that shit gonna go right back to the top. Sometimes if I'm high and I'm bored, I just go with my debit card. You know, rich people got heavy debit cards so they can break down cocaine better. Meanwhile, I can just roll my blunts in my debit card and they be fairly don't give a fuck about me. But it's cool though, because like, now that I got famous success, I get to talk to people that like, have done it. So when I get to talk to Tony, I was. First day I got regular, I was like, yo, what should I look out for? And Tony was like, stay off the comments on Reddit. They're mean and racist. They say things I wouldn't say. If Tony wouldn't say it, I wouldn't do it. But the thing was is that when he told me, I just had to appreciate it. But I wanted to laugh in his face because he don't know me like that for 20 years. Before that, I was working customer service. They said it to my face, dude. I was working at a car wash in Atlanta for 17 years and a girl walked. This old ass fucking lady, 65 years old, walked up to me and she called me the hard R. And that shit hurt my feelings. Cause I wasn't even being one at the time. Had she caught me in some niggardly activity, I would have been like, touche. We weren't shooting dice, selling crack, rapping when you were. I was just a GM at a goddamn car wash. But basically the situation happened where she came to my car wash 10 years before and then when she showed up, the prices were higher 10 years later like they do everywhere else in the fucking world, Right? Cause today's price is not yesterday's price. But not to this racist ass bitch. She ran up to me, she said, you niggers are always raising price. And I was like, actually, man, we devalued the neighborhood. If you gonna be racist, be right. I hate a lazy racist. That's my time, bitch.

[Brian Redban]

Unbelievable. The great Dedrick Flynn with a brand new 2 minutes and 40 seconds.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Doing more work than he has to do, unlike his people normally do. Normally they show up late and leave early. Not dead Trick, not Deadrick.

[Dedrick Flynn]

It wasn't a good job before, but now I'm on time yeah.

[Brian Redban]

You really worked customer service at a car wash?

[Dedrick Flynn]

I was customer service. Car wash. I worked restaurants that. I hated that car wash. What did

[Brian Redban]

you do at restaurants?

[Dedrick Flynn]

Serve tables, serve beer. I just. I used to believe in people right before. Before I work customer service. If somebody died on the news, like, eight people died. My whole family would come together and pray for their family. And then I served one shift, and they were like, six people died. I was like, good. You should have called me. It could have been 12.

[Brian Redban]

Was it, like, a chain restaurant that we would know, or was it.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah, Long. Logan's Roadhouse, Texas Roadhouse. I hate all them bitches, bro. They fired the fuck out of me. Cause I fought somebody.

[Brian Redban]

You did?

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah. One lady. St. Patty's Day weekend, I was working at Logan's roadhouse in Savannah, Georgia, where they had, like, the biggest, like, St. Patty's Day parade. A lady poured mashed potatoes on my head.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, no.

[Dedrick Flynn]

And then I beat up her husband.

[Brian Redban]

Yep.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Cause I'm Southern. You can't hit women that good. I wanted to really, really take it out on that. I whooped his ass. But they got mad at me for it, so I don't work there no more.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. She poured mashed potatoes on your head. Did she warn you? Was there. Were you guys.

[Dedrick Flynn]

It wasn't even my shift, Tony. I was covering another ship. I shouldn't have been there.

[Brian Redban]

What was the reason for it, though? What'd she get?

[Dedrick Flynn]

So she got her a steak, and then she just wanted to keep complaining because she wanted a free steak. And I was like, hey, I can't do nothing for you. I'm a server here. They throw peanuts on the ground there.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Dedrick Flynn]

If you want a good steak, go. Where? They don't throw food on the ground. Right?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Yep. That is true. Dedrick, what else is going on? What's the update on your. On your big, amazing advancement in life?

[Dedrick Flynn]

I'm on tour.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, man.

[Dedrick Flynn]

I'm going in. I don't know where y' all from, but I'm coming in. I'm in the Mafia now. I get to go everywhere. All the, you know, funny. All the booking places, they hit me up for the, like, they'd be like, hey, can you come headline here? But the message before that was like, hey, I'm new in town.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Dedrick Flynn]

If I can get a guest spot, that'd be cool. Red not responded right now they want me to headline because they supposed to.

[Brian Redban]

Yep. The game has changed. Slice Stallone.

[Tony Yayo]

Hey, yo. I'm just sick of what the.

[Dedrick Flynn]

I'm sorry. I'm too high for you. Did not know you was there.

[Tony Yayo]

A lot of experience. I just suggest that you sell your mouth and buy a diversified portfolio. Like a good etf. Like a basket of funds.

[Brian Redban]

You do what?

[Tony Yayo]

Thank me?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Dedrick Flynn]

You know. You know I'm a kill Tony regular. I don't need to sell shit to make money.

[Brian Redban]

Look at this. Here's the before and after. This is Dedrick 40 years later, ladies and gentlemen. Here it is. This is what happens.

[Dedrick Flynn]

I would never be blind. He chose that.

[Brian Redban]

Has anyone in your family ever had diabetes?

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah, my dad.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, you're gonna be blind, but it's cool. Blind guys can be like rock stars. And that's a whole thing. Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, D Madness. D Madness. Rocking the Heisenberg hat tonight.

[Dedrick Flynn]

He don't know what does. He never seen Breaking Bad. He ain't seen a lot of stuff.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, he hasn't. He hasn't seen you ever heard Breaking Bad? Yeah, he has. He has. D Madness. What's your favorite? You ever listen to a Sylvester Stallone movie?

[Tony Yayo]

Oh,

[Dedrick Flynn]

you ain't near the mic.

[Brian Redban]

Good, we got him. We picked up. We got it.

[Tony Yayo]

Rambos.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, Collateral Damage. Sliced alone. You have any. You have any behind the scenes info on the. What it was like filming Collateral Damage. I see the wheels turning over there.

[Tony Yayo]

I remember ever making a movie called Collateral Day. I made so many movies. You know, there's Rambo 1, Rambo 2, Rambo 3. Rambo I kind of. Rambo 3. I regret. You ever see that? You know I fought for the Taliban in Rambo 3. That is a fact. I gave a young kid a knife at the end. I think he hijacked the plane. Years later, I don't know. You ever see Rambo 3 here?

[Brian Redban]

Perfect, Dedrick. Another unbelievable set. I mean, you are just a fucking freak of nature. We love you. I love you. There he goes. The great Dedrick Flynn, ladies and gentlemen. We're having fun here tonight. Back to the bucket week. By the way, I thought that was adorable that he said like a gold plated debit card instead of a credit card. I've never seen seen like debit card. Wait till he finds out about credit cards. We are watching a kid's full. Like we are going to watch Deadrick grow up in front of our very eyes. Some people got lot debit cards, some people be having heavy debit cards. Like he has no idea what credit even is. He almost fainted when Sylvester Stallone said diversified portfolio. We're gonna get to watch him learn everything. Oh, wow. Okay, we've seen this guy before on this show. I mean, here we go, ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for what some people are calling a local legend. This is the return, I believe, the second time ever, of Keegan Carmichael. Everybody, here we go.

[Keegan Carmichael]

A guy strikes out nine times out of ten. I don't know who the tenth girl is, but tell her to throw the ball. Hell, I was at the bakery. They were, like, baked fresh daily. Yeah, me, too. I wish I had a burrito restaurant, because burritos roll free. Delivery if you live downhill. Our only competitors. A can of soup. Hey, I have a car. It's not pushed to start, but it is pushed to keep going. Come on, guys, push. Oh, we just got passed by a burrito.

[Brian Redban]

Thank you, Keegan Carmichael. Welcome back, Keegan. Now, the last time you were on this show, all we talked about the entire time was how you reminded us of Mitch Hedberg. And after a lot of, you know, I talk to people and, you know, word gets around about the guy that that looks and sounds and delivers like Mitch Hedberg. And it turns out that you're a genuinely very funny guy that just happens to look like and have the delivery of Mitch Hedberg. It's pretty interesting.

[Keegan Carmichael]

It's kind of like, Tony, what the happened, man? That's a 180 right there.

[Brian Redban]

What do you mean,

[Jason Robo]

what?

[Brian Redban]

He what? Yeah, that's what I'm saying is that the first time we're like, oh, my God, this guy's ripping off Mitch Hedberg. And like I said, I've heard from some of my associates that that's it turns out that you do this every night, that you're a good writer. They've seen you do longer sets, and it's just who you are.

[Keegan Carmichael]

Thank you, associates.

[Brian Redban]

This is what I mean. He's a funny guy. Okay, so, Keegan, tell us more about your life. What exactly do you do with what's a Day in the Life of Keegan Carmichael? Like,

[Keegan Carmichael]

I've just been watching, like, a lot of Nat Geo. I learned a lot about whales.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah? What'd you learn?

[Keegan Carmichael]

Every whale was a sperm whale. Then. Then I watched an episode about kangaroos, and I learned a lot about kangaroos.

[David Lucas]

Huh.

[Brian Redban]

What'd you learn about kangaroos?

[Keegan Carmichael]

Like, the. The mama kangaroo kept the baby in her pouch, the daddy kangaroo kept the baby in his sack.

[Brian Redban]

Yep, that checks out. What else, Keegan? How do you make money? Keegan, that's what the world really wants to know.

[Keegan Carmichael]

I. I deliver food on a bike.

[Brian Redban]

Ah. That's why I see you Though I see you all the time riding your bike.

[Tony Yayo]

All the time.

[Brian Redban]

You do? Yeah, five times since he's been on the show. Wow. You just see him, like out on the streets riding his bike. Do you have like a basket on your bike? How do you do it?

[Keegan Carmichael]

No, that cost a hundred dollars and that's crazy. I just. I hold it. Oh, that'll make more sense later. Anyways, you'll see what I mean. No, but it's cool. I delivered to Coach Sarkeesian this week.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, nice. Hell yeah. The head coach of the Texas Longhorns. What did he order?

[Keegan Carmichael]

Mary's Cafe.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Keegan Carmichael]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Redban]

What. What did he get?

[Dedrick Flynn]

I.

[Keegan Carmichael]

It's. I don't know, man.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. Isn't that like a doctor?

[Dedrick Flynn]

Confident?

[Brian Redban]

He.

[Keegan Carmichael]

Yeah, but I. I told him, like, I shot my shot. I was like, hey, if you need someone on special teams, you know, I'm your guy. No, he was like, no, You should play quarterback.

[Brian Redban]

Why? Why would he invite you to play quarterback?

[Keegan Carmichael]

They got a lot of nil money, Tony.

[Brian Redban]

I don't.

[Keegan Carmichael]

There's enough to go around.

[Jason Robo]

I don't.

[Brian Redban]

Do you know how to throw a football? Mm. Really?

[Keegan Carmichael]

Kind of dumbass question.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, it's a very good question. You seem. You don't seem that mobile. You kind of sway a lot.

[Keegan Carmichael]

You see, it's called pocket presence.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my goodness gracious. You know about this? I never would have guessed this. Wow.

[Keegan Carmichael]

But on a serious note, that really did happen. And I will go to usc, so

[Brian Redban]

that's a different school.

[Keegan Carmichael]

Yeah, well, I don't think he took me seriously.

[Brian Redban]

Uh huh. All right. Okay. Keegan, what else? Keegan, what else is going on in life? Anything else interesting?

[Keegan Carmichael]

I have a cast iron pan.

[Brian Redban]

We know about this. I think we talked about this last time. How's it been going with the cast iron pan?

[Keegan Carmichael]

I don't know. I just wanted to mention, like, you know, last time I was on, I said I was a father to a pan and everyone was like, missed the opportunity to name him Peter. No, my pan's name is Glenn Fry because he performs when the heat is on.

[Brian Redban]

Keegan, you are two of a kind. Here's a. Here's a big joke book, buddy. I like your style. Keep signing up. There he goes. He has a little athletic prowess. He does know about pocket presence. And he did catch that joke book with great ease with his left hand. Underhand, left handed catch. One of the hardest ways to catch a joke book. A little fun fact for you. All right, back to the bucket we go. You guys still having Fun out there. All right, let's see what happens next. Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket bowl. Goes by the name of Sean Cantwell, everybody. Here comes Sean Cantwell. Make some noise for Sean, everybody. All right, here he comes. Sean Cantwell.

[Sean Cantwell]

This is my first time doing stand up, so thank you. I feel honored doing it with the genius. You're grooving, right? So my name is John. I'm from. Sean Campbell. I'm from Pennsylvania. I'm from Pennsylvania. 462. Too soon. All right, anyway, so I one of those people diagnosed with, well, adhd. Right, Right. Since I grew up in the area when we didn't. We didn't have health helmets. All right. We. Right, right. You're laughing, right?

[Lingo Smith]

Yeah.

[Sean Cantwell]

That's why I never had kids at 47, I never kids because I didn't put a helmet on my kid and ride a bike. You know, I just ain't doing it right, so. And this is my first time ever doing stand up, and I'm like a ferret. I have the attention span of a ferret on crystal meth. Right, bro? Right. Come on. You got it. You got to spit on. You're like, holy, this dude spit on me. So I had a total minute planned. No, I didn't. No, I really didn't. No, seriously.

[Brian Redban]

What the wrong with you?

[Sean Cantwell]

Piece of triggers.

[Brian Redban]

What just happened? What just happened? What just. What the did you just do? Sean, welcome. Hello. How are you?

[Sean Cantwell]

I'm good.

[Brian Redban]

Is stand up something that you've ever wanted to do before? And how long have you wanted it?

[Sean Cantwell]

About three weeks.

[Brian Redban]

About three weeks. It became a passion of yours, and this is your first time ever attempting it?

[Sean Cantwell]

Yes.

[Brian Redban]

What made you want to do it on this show in front of this many people?

[Sean Cantwell]

Because if you've got something to say, you got to say in front of the best. You're the best.

[Brian Redban]

Well, okay. I mean, that's very nice.

[Sean Cantwell]

I'm sorry.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Patrick Cassaday]

Pat.

[Brian Redban]

Sean, you are a wild, wild person. So let's just slow it down one breath at a time. How old are you?

[Sean Cantwell]

47.

[Brian Redban]

What do you do for work?

[Sean Cantwell]

Entrepreneur. And then I left out to.

[Brian Redban]

What kind of entrepreneurial stuff have you done?

[Sean Cantwell]

I'm an investment advisor.

[Brian Redban]

What have you. What have you invested in?

[Sean Cantwell]

I'm not allowed to talk about that. Licensing.

[Brian Redban]

You're not allowed to talk about it?

[Sean Cantwell]

Not in Texas.

[Brian Redban]

Not in Texas, no.

[Sean Cantwell]

It's P.A.

[Brian Redban]

yeah. Okay, so your investments are all in P.A. and you're not allowed to talk about it here?

[Sean Cantwell]

It could be considered as a solicitation on and licensing doesn't let you do it.

[Tony Yayo]

Tony, I don't feel very safe being this.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, I know. I know.

[Sean Cantwell]

Well, Sylvester Sloan. It's gonna be all right.

[Tony Yayo]

You.

[Sean Cantwell]

It's gonna be all right. It's gonna be right.

[Brian Redban]

This is the guy that trained you in Rocky, isn't it?

[Tony Yayo]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, come here.

[Keegan Carmichael]

Bring it in.

[Jason Robo]

Bring it in.

[Brian Redban]

All right. Oh, fun fact. Sean, give us a fun fact about your life.

[Sean Cantwell]

Fun fact. I trained the first professional boxer in the United States of America.

[Brian Redban]

You really did?

[Sean Cantwell]

Oh, I helped train, yes. And I was a corner person.

[Brian Redban]

You were the corner person?

[Sean Cantwell]

No, I was the corner person.

[Brian Redban]

That's what I just asked.

[Jason Robo]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Right.

[Sean Cantwell]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Are you on something right now?

[Sean Cantwell]

It's. I can't talk about that either.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, well, then put the mic in the mic. If you can't talk about things, then. Then there's no point of doing an interview with somebody that can't answer questions about their job or anything.

[Sean Cantwell]

Wait.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, wait.

[Sean Cantwell]

I understand the algorithm for 369. I really just want to talk to Joe Rogan and explain how the universe works.

[Brian Redban]

There he goes, everybody. Wow. Infinity. There you go.

[David Lucas]

Oh, come on.

[Brian Redban]

Put the mic in the mic stand. There he goes. Sean, everybody. There he goes. There he goes. Don't sign up again. Sean can't wallow. What the hell was that? Is that. Oh, that's him. All right. Okay, you know what? Let's cleanse the room with a little. A little something special. We have a special. A special type of sage we use to cleanse the stage here at Kill Tony. He is without a doubt, one of the greatest. Kill Tony, regular slgolden ticket winners slash forces of nature to ever come across the show. Every time he does, it's absolute insanity. You're a very lucky audience. You're here on a very special night as I present to you a man who gets to do whatever he wants on the show. A man who is the only bucket pole ever that I am slightly afraid of. This. This is the great and powerful Timmy. No, Briggs.

[Timmy No Breaks]

So it's this two year old. Relax. I was one. Guys that need to get a much bigger pop. Okay, that's some funny fucking shit. All right? I need you guys. I want this clip to go fucking viral. So I need you guys to fucking. I need you guys to all stand when I do that. I want you to take your tits out. I want you to take your fucking dick out, black guy. I want you to like it so much, you give me a N wood pass. All Right. Take it from the top.

[Brian Redban]

Ladies and gentlemen, your next comedian. What can I say? I mean, truly a freak of nature. A feast unlike any other. You're here on a special night as I introduce the one and the only Timmy.

[William Montgomery]

No breaks.

[Timmy No Breaks]

So this two year old was following. Take it from the top.

[Brian Redban]

Sometimes in this world you are graced upon a presence unlike any other. Someone that is simply unlike anybody else. A man who has more power than any bucket pole in the history of the show. You're here on a special night as I present to you the old golden goose. This is Timmy.

[William Montgomery]

No break.

[Timmy No Breaks]

So how about that N word?

[Dedrick Flynn]

Pass.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Come on, give me that. God damn. Look at this. I'm gonna turn to my left.

[Nino]

Yes.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah, I'm gonna look right.

[Nino]

Yeah, yeah.

[Timmy No Breaks]

I'm looking at the panel to my left. I'm looking at the audience for a little bit, but they're turning to the left. Nope.

[Nino]

Look at.

[Timmy No Breaks]

There we go. Look at this gay motherfucker. God damn. Look at this gay motherfucker. Your face looks red as you never looking. God damn. What's your name? She squats her dick. Holy God damn. Look at this black guy. There's a black man on the fan. I challenge you to a rap battle.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Let's do it.

[Timmy No Breaks]

What do you know about rap?

[Dedrick Flynn]

Let's go.

[Timmy No Breaks]

I'mma suck my dick. Come over here. Get on your knees and suck my dick. That's just the. I'm just setting the stage. All right, give me a beat now. What the fuck is that? Nah, that's not my beat. Cut it out. No, every time I do this move, I need you to hit the beat the right way. God damn. All right, every time I do this move, just this move right here, I need you to do the beat.

[Lingo Smith]

Good.

[Brian Redban]

Hit me.

[Timmy No Breaks]

All right, give me five words. Give me five words right now. I'm gonna use them in this beat. Tony. Tony, say five words.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. Horse.

[William Montgomery]

White.

[Brian Redban]

Cigarette. Gun. Whiskey.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Nah, this beat sucks.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. All right.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Nah, this beat. Nah. That. The hell was that tone? God damn. Jesus Christ,

[Dedrick Flynn]

give him some gangster.

[Timmy No Breaks]

You want to see some gangster? I'm gonna say the N word in three, two, one. Nah, I got scared. I got scared. I got scared. I was a little afraid of that. My bad.

[Lingo Smith]

Look at it.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Look at this. Your ass. Nope, I'm not saying anything. You got any questions for me?

[Brian Redban]

I keep noticing that your lips are moving and sometimes nothing's coming out.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Nope.

[Brian Redban]

Wait. It wait. If I wait, it appears as if though, if I talk the guy's moves up like this. I Think. It appears as if though. It appears as if though that if I talk, his lips also move. Where the did you find this guy, Timmy? He doesn't understand the job at all.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Don't. Don't break the fourth wall. Don't do that. Don't you do that. That's up to Red bead does. That's. It's up to you do. God damn, look at these lights. I'm getting tired of this shit. Look at that light. Hit me with the spotlight. I'm blind. I can't see shit. Turn off the spotlight. Oh, man, look at this. Hootie and the blowfish looking ass. Tone number two. God damn, look at the light. Anyways, any other questions for me, Tone?

[Brian Redban]

Wow, this is incredible. How did you transform? We watched you come out twice as yourself and then you came back a third time as a black man. How were you able to do this? Timmy, your powers know no bounds.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Great, great question, Tone. And I know I'm turned, you know, from the camera, and that's not good for a video, but that's fine. Now look, the last time I was on, you know, I set a bar and I was like, how do I. How do I top this bar? You know how I thought I'd do it? Blackface? That's the only way to do it, Tom. It was the only way to do it. And I said, fuck it. Black face, black body. And yeah, I did just gesture to my big black cock. That is something I did. Any other questions?

[Brian Redban]

Wow. Wow, this is incredible. Timmy, what have you been up to lately? I know you've been busy, you've been on the road, you've had a lot of opportunities lately. So what's been happening with you? What have you been up to to with this? Especially with this newfound power of going. Being able to change races and whatnot?

[Timmy No Breaks]

Well, man, yeah, I've been doing big shows on the road, just going around. I did, you know, I did Denver. I did your mom. Boom. Got your ass. Hit me. Yeah, I fucked your mom. Hit me. I was up in it so good that she was like, God damn, I want you to be my son. Hit me. She came, hit me. Any other questions?

[Brian Redban]

When you my mom, were. Did you do it normal or were you in this older, blacker man character that you're able to do nowadays? Never do it normal, Tony.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah, I never do it normal. No, I fucked her like this. She. She's a saint, Tone. And, you know, I did it missionary.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

This is absolute.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Can I show you my dick?

[Brian Redban]

No, no, no, Timmy, can I just

[Timmy No Breaks]

take out my dick?

[Brian Redban]

You definitely shouldn't.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Look at this, look at this, look at this bass player. Look at this bass player right there. He's right behind me. He's to my left. I'm gonna turn. Nope, other left, other left, other left. Fuck. Look at the sex. Play at the pieces. Goomba from Mario. What the is this guy doing? Jesus Christ. I turned left. I did it, Man. This is fun.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, it is.

[Tony Yayo]

He's lip syncing. I saw that, man.

[Timmy No Breaks]

You're so fat. You're so broke. The fourth wall, you piece of. What are you doing? Who is this guy?

[Tony Yayo]

So it's up. I don't know.

[Brian Redban]

This is incredible. Timmy. No breaks. Somehow absolutely not. Knowing which way to face tonight. Looks healthy though. Looks healthier than ever.

[William Montgomery]

Younger.

[Timmy No Breaks]

No, I don't. No, I definitely don't.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. Timmy, have you. Is there anything else that you do now that you can become a of part special black man? Is there anything else that you find yourself doing out in society now that you can be black? Sometimes.

[Timmy No Breaks]

That's great. Really good question, Tone. I'm gonna turn my back to the audience for this one, if that's okay.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, you're gonna face that way towards the audience. Nah.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Fuck em.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah. Ever since I became, you know, embraced the power of being an old black man that I met 10 minutes ago, I, I, I've been going to Ross dress for less a lot. I am, I'm good at basketball. I'm not racist at all. This isn't racist at all.

[Brian Redban]

What does it look like when you shoot a basketball? How exactly do you shoot a basketball? What is your form like?

[Timmy No Breaks]

Here I go. Boom. Nothing but neck.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

How about, how about throwing a football? Do you know how to throw a football?

[Timmy No Breaks]

Check this out. Drop back, take it.

[Brian Redban]

How about bowling? Do you have a good bowling form? Yeah.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Get ready for this. Get ready for this.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Looking for my ball. Bullet right into that guy's face. What else you got?

[Brian Redban]

Now I notice that you bowl left handed, but you shoot basketballs and throw footballs with your right hand. Are you ambidextrous?

[Timmy No Breaks]

No, I'm just black.

[Brian Redban]

I mean, what can I say?

[Timmy No Breaks]

What are you looking at, dumbass?

[Lingo Smith]

Wow.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Red band looks like a gray ass. God, this guy looks unhealthy. I'm looking at the ground, I'm looking all around. I'm having the time of my life

[Brian Redban]

up here, I gotta tell you.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Oh, look at you. I thought these glasses. Who needs them? Nope, I need him.

[Brian Redban]

Wow, Timmy. I mean, you're On a whole new level. Every single time you come onto the show, you're so innovative, you completely take over. This is unbelievable. In my own near just about to be 20 years in this industry, I've never seen a man with the balls, the courage, and the talent to be able to switch races. I've seen people switch genders. I've seen people switch everything about themselves. I've seen. But I've never seen anything like this before. Timmy, you have done it again. You have found another way to innovate and take things to a whole nother level. You're unbelievable.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Oh, thank you. Thank you. Now where's. Where's my big fucking joke book?

[Brian Redban]

And I gotta tell you, you're also. You're showing amazing skills. Have you been trying to be a ventriloquist? Because there's times where you're talking and your lips aren't moving at all.

[Timmy No Breaks]

You see, I've learned tone. I'm gonna eat your. You got a. And I'm gonna eat that.

[Brian Redban]

Here's the big joke book, Timmy.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Hey, watch me catch this.

[Brian Redban]

Here we go. Here it comes. Still got it.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Lights out. You next time. Here I go. I'm leaving now. I'm going to dance a little bit, but then I'm going to go. All right, I'm walking the way. Okay, I'm walking out. Here I go. All right, I got to go now. I'll see you guys later. Oh, good to meet you, col. Good you to meet me, you other code. I love you. All right.

[Brian Redban]

Jesus, Timmy.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Snapping up the blind face and I got to get the out. I'm going. I'm out. Peace.

[Brian Redban]

Make some goddamn noise for Timmy. No breaks, ladies and gentlemen. Wow. It's one of my favorite things ever, man. Yeah, yeah. No doubt about it. No doubt about it, Timmy. No breaks. Freak of nature has done it again. I mean, 15 minutes of absolute chaos. Back to the bucket. This is going to be hard to follow. Let's see what happens here. Make some noise for Patrick Cassaday. Ladies and gentlemen, Patrick Cassaday.

[Patrick Cassaday]

How we all doing tonight? You guys ever walk in on your parents having sex when you're a kid? 27 times. It's awkward when they tell you to stop doing it.

[Keegan Carmichael]

You keep.

[Patrick Cassaday]

No, it's my fault. The first time, actually, I was about 5, and I said, what do you

[Ben Dalke]

want for your birthday?

[Patrick Cassaday]

I said, I want to watch

[Brian Redban]

fucking.

[Patrick Cassaday]

Should have said big Wheel,

[Brian Redban]

stupid.

[Patrick Cassaday]

Actually, my father passed away not too long ago. I'm pretty happy about that now. He left me his motorhome and I'M living in at about two miles away from here, so I get to sign up all the time. It's pretty awesome. But I've had a hard time talking about it with all my black friends because I don't want them to think I'm appropriating their culture by not having a father now. Which got me thinking about Star wars and how Anakin Skywalker was white. Oh, damn. But then as soon as he turned black, he left his kids and. Nah, that's right. All right, that's all I got. Thanks, guys.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, Patrick Cassidy. All right, there's a little something there. I can see the premise that you were going with. When Anakin Skywalker turned black, coincidentally, he did leave his children. He became Darth Vader, played by a

[Patrick Cassaday]

guy named Hayden, and then all of a sudden, he's 6 foot 7, played by James Earl Jones.

[Brian Redban]

You know, There you go. Patrick, how long you been doing stand up?

[Patrick Cassaday]

About six months. This is my 33rd time on stage.

[Brian Redban]

Months. Have you ever thought about doing your comedy off stage into a microphone while a black man lip syncs your material for you?

[Patrick Cassaday]

I am now. Because that sounded funny and I didn't get to watch it from back there. It was hilarious.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, it was great. You say six months?

[Patrick Cassaday]

Six months, yeah.

[Brian Redban]

And remind us, you've been on this show before.

[Ben Dalke]

I have.

[Brian Redban]

And what did we learn? What did we talk about that last year, last time we talked about your father dying, right?

[Ben Dalke]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

And remind us what that was all about.

[Patrick Cassaday]

Well, we've always watched the show, and then he said, you know, when. When I go, better get out there and do the show. So I came out here last year for eight weeks, and I got on the show.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. And then have you been doing open mics and working on it?

[Patrick Cassaday]

Yeah, I just moved out here in August. I've been doing open mics ever since and working on my comedy for about three, four months.

[Brian Redban]

How long ago was that that you were on the show? Remind me.

[Patrick Cassaday]

I was on again about two months ago.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Patrick Cassaday]

I didn't do very well, but.

[Brian Redban]

Right.

[Patrick Cassaday]

You let me do another joke, and that one went all right. So.

[Brian Redban]

Well, do you have another joke that you could do that's better than your set this time? This could be your specialty. The guy that doesn't do good in the minute and then does a joke that's better than everything he tried in the minute.

[Patrick Cassaday]

Okay.

[Brian Redban]

Do you have another one?

[Patrick Cassaday]

I got. I got a lot of them, but I don't know if it's going to be better, to be honest.

[Brian Redban]

With you, I'll just try it. I don't think you know what's funny?

[Keegan Carmichael]

Yeah, that's true.

[Brian Redban]

That's true. All right.

[Patrick Cassaday]

Dating's a little different now that I'm 50. Like when I was young, the only birth control was the pill, you know, and that was kind of, I don't know. It's going to work or she's going to take it. They didn't have plan B. Plan B was fucking move. You know, Plan C was Canada. Plan B was down the stairs. But I never had to go that far, thank God, because I have family in British Columbia.

[Brian Redban]

So there you go. Sounds like you got a lap there, Patrick. What do you do for work?

[Patrick Cassaday]

I used to do insurance, but since I moved out here, I've been door dashing a lot. Doordashing on my motorcycle.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. How's that going for you? How's doordashing on the motorcycle? You know, it's.

[Sean Cantwell]

Get my.

[Patrick Cassaday]

My RV space paid for, my truck payment paid.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. Any crazy things, Ramen on the table happen while doordashing?

[Patrick Cassaday]

I've only been doing it for about three weeks because before that I had, you know, all Dad's money.

[Brian Redban]

You spent that?

[Ben Dalke]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

What did you spend that on?

[Patrick Cassaday]

Just rent and food. Hookers? Blow.

[Brian Redban]

Did you really spend it on hookers?

[Timmy No Breaks]

No.

[Patrick Cassaday]

No, I'm too old for that.

[Brian Redban]

Do you do blow?

[Keegan Carmichael]

I used to.

[Patrick Cassaday]

I've done before. I'm not a big. Unless there's girls around. Why? It doesn't make sense.

[Ben Dalke]

Right?

[Brian Redban]

Your delivery system sucks. Have you ever thought about enunciating so the people understand the words?

[Patrick Cassaday]

Yes, I'm very nervous, but okay, I'm in front of like, you know, one of my heroes right now.

[Brian Redban]

That's what happens. He's a big fan of Sylvester Stallone, obviously.

[Tony Yayo]

Don't be scared. You know, when I was shooting, when I was about to fight Club of Lang, you know, my legs are going. I was scared. Then I realized I. I had written the movie and we weren't actually going to be punching each other.

[Brian Redban]

There you go. It's a good way to movie. It's a great movie, Patrick. It's tough to follow Timmy. No.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah.

[Patrick Cassaday]

I was hoping to follow the other

[Brian Redban]

guy, but I don't. I don't know if it would have gone that much better.

[Patrick Cassaday]

Probably wouldn't have actually. Right.

[Brian Redban]

You got a little joke book. Last time you.

[Patrick Cassaday]

I did get a little joke book.

[Brian Redban]

Well, there you go. That is where it will remain. We'll see you again soon. Patrick Cassidy, ladies and gentlemen. Gonna keep it Moving real fast here as we come around the corner. Should be the last bucket pool of the night. Make some noise for one of our very own. This is make some Noise for Heidi, everybody. Make sure you check out Love on the line@Heidy Regina.com Again, this episode brought to you by Talk Space. This is actually one of our very own, one of our very own team members around here. Make some noise for a brand new minute from Dusty Carter, everybody. Here comes Dusty Carter.

[Dusty Carter]

I recently made a horrible mistake. I cut off all my hair and most of my beard. Yeah, I used to look like Jesus if his first miracle was turning water into meth. You know, I got tired of walking around looking like a caveman who had been thawed from ice. The problem is now I just look

[Brian Redban]

like a white guy hired by it.

[Dusty Carter]

I was at my daughter's school the other day and I overheard these two ladies talking about a deaf kid that had been learning sign language. And then he had an accident over the summer during fourth of July. Messed up some digits.

[Timmy No Breaks]

I was like, that is so sad.

[Dusty Carter]

That little boy was born deaf. Then he developed a lisp. It's okay for the rest of y' all to laugh. Hell, if he was here, he wouldn't have heard you.

[Brian Redban]

That's my time. Dusty Carter, with exactly 58 seconds. Hi, Dusty.

[Jason Robo]

Hey, Tony.

[Nino]

How are you doing, boss?

[Brian Redban]

Great, buddy. Good to see you, man. Not a lot of people know this, but Dust, Dusty, a little fun fact opens one half of the curtains for everybody that comes out of here.

[Ben Dalke]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Isn't that interesting? It's like some inside showbiz stuff. There's two guys right on the other side of those curtains. One of them is Dusty, and then there's another guy. And then when I say the person's name, they wait one second for the band to start playing, and then they pull the curtains that way. Isn't that interesting?

[Lingo Smith]

High tech.

[Brian Redban]

High tech stuff.

[Dusty Carter]

High tech.

[Brian Redban]

Dusty also puts together the table every Sunday night.

[Jason Robo]

Yes.

[Brian Redban]

With another guy. Used to take two hours, and then it took an hour and a half. And I believe they've now got it all the way down to, what, 50.

[Dusty Carter]

58 minutes.

[Brian Redban]

58 minutes, ladies and gentlemen. Would you guys like to put together a. An LED table? It's not easy.

[Dedrick Flynn]

58, though.

[Brian Redban]

Why do you just say it took an hour? No, they're timing themselves. Yeah, they take it very seriously. Yeah, we, we, we. It's.

[Dusty Carter]

It's more of a challenge than, you know, anything. Just to see if we can beat what we did before. Yeah, because Each week it's something different because this isn't the only show they have here. They have other shows and then we have to sort through wires and things.

[Brian Redban]

Right.

[Dusty Carter]

Make sure we got everything y' all need to enjoy what we do or they do.

[Brian Redban]

You're damn right. Absolutely. Dusty, you mentioned having a daughter. How old is your daughter?

[Dusty Carter]

She is 11.

[Brian Redban]

Nice. And how's that going?

[Dusty Carter]

She's amazing. She's excelling at everything and she's loving school right now. She's with her mom this year while I got settled in Austin and she'll be back with me this fall.

[Brian Redban]

Nice. Nice.

[Dusty Carter]

That's, you know, that's. It's a lot of fun being a dad's most rewarding and stressful thing I've ever done in my entire life and.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. That's your only child?

[Dusty Carter]

No, I have a son that's 26.

[Brian Redban]

You have a 26 year old son? How old are you?

[Dusty Carter]

I'm 45, Tony.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Dusty Carter]

Yeah. Prison has a lot of preservatives in its food.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. And you were in prison for what again?

[Dusty Carter]

Manufacturing methamphetamine.

[Brian Redban]

There you go. So the crowd goes wild. Welcome to the Kill Tony universe where you get a stage standing ovation for making meth.

[Dusty Carter]

You, you never dabbled in holler health care.

[Brian Redban]

No. Tell us about it. What's making meth like?

[Dusty Carter]

It's not like Breaking Bad, that was. I used to do mine in the woods in 45 minutes and it'd be 90 pure.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Dusty Carter]

What needs all that laboratory equipment when you're just moonshining, Right?

[Brian Redban]

I would ask you your secrets or your process, but I immediately realized that that's probably entertainment.

[Dusty Carter]

Entertainment purposes only. We can talk about whatever.

[Brian Redban]

We can write books. Oh, interesting.

[Tony Yayo]

By the way, Tony, I'm here to promote my coloring book.

[Brian Redban]

You got a coloring book slide?

[Tony Yayo]

Yeah, that's why I'm here kind of to kind of promote that. You haven't talked about it like at all.

[Brian Redban]

What's, what's. What's your coloring book?

[Tony Yayo]

Well, it's an adult coloring book, you know and like the subject is very mature. You know, like the pictures you color in, you know, the of like scenes from September 11th just to honor those fallen. Those who got 9 11. Nice book.

[Patrick Cassaday]

Wow.

[Tony Yayo]

And at the end, you know, there's like a center for pop out big thing of those who have fallen at the 911 memorial.

[Brian Redban]

Anyway, on sale [e-mail] that's the only place to buy the car. The. The coloring book. Dusty. A great appearance, fun times. You're a likable guy. There's a lot of.

[Tony Yayo]

Thank you.

[Brian Redban]

You're different, funny. There goes Dusty Carter, ladies and gentlemen. Well, what an episode we've had. I mean, this was. This had three regulars and a golden ticket winner. The return of a couple great old characters. And now there's only one way to end an episode like this, and that's with the man with the most appearances ever in this show's history. The most interviews. The hall of famer. The Memphis Strangler. The vanilla Gorilla. The magazine Monster. The elevator accelerator. The. The zip Recruiter. Zebra. The talk space Tycoon. This is the big red machine. William Montgomery, everybody. Here we go.

[William Montgomery]

Quick housekeeping announcement. There's an astro van parked out front. It's filled with guys in turbines reciting prayers. Like, frantically reciting prayers. Anyway, so I'm watching this Diddy documentary, the Reckoning, and I didn't realize that early in his career, Diddy hosted a celebrity basketball game where nine people were trampled to death when they were rushing into the gym to get a seat. Apparently, they thought it was an Aphex Twin concert. Is it just me, or has the Taliban gotten too woke? I've always wanted to go to a mafioso Christmas party and be like, hey, wait. This mistletoe has a tiny little microphone hanging down. A teenager who wants to be a lion tamer jumped in the lion enclosure in a Brazilian zoo. If he had not been eaten alive by the lions, it would have gone really well. Okay, that's my ty. Thank you.

[Brian Redban]

57 seconds from the man who's done it the most. Most. And still adding to his resume, the great William Montgomery.

[William Montgomery]

So nice to be here. I'm excited. I started back on the row machine yesterday.

[Brian Redban]

And.

[Tony Yayo]

Good.

[William Montgomery]

And Tony. Yo, I got to say, man, one of your buddies up there is super high in the green room. He's been asleep this whole time. I drew a mustache on his ass with a Sharpie. I hope he doesn't get mad when he wakes up. Please have my back when he wakes up.

[Brian Redban]

Up. That is. That is possible. Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

This motherfucker's wasting up there, Toadette.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[William Montgomery]

But he's having fun.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. He's having a good time. I love it. William, you're back on the row machine. You've been doing your puzzles. You've been making puzzles. Yes.

[William Montgomery]

I'm almost finished with the one that's filled with cakes. I ended up taking a break last week. I wasn't in the mood. I got out of the mood with the puzzles. But now I'm back at it tonight and tomorrow I'll be done.

[Brian Redban]

What kind of cakes are on this puzzle? Oh, my God.

[William Montgomery]

I mean, they all have blue icing, which makes it super difficult. But some of them also have red icing. Some of them also have a little purple icing. There's just all kind. But all of them have blue icing, Tony, which makes it really hard. It's a really hard puzzle. Thousand piece.

[Brian Redban]

Thousand piece.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Some of them have it so like blue and purple, blue and yellow.

[Brian Redban]

But there's no specific types of cake. There's no like, there's no one is

[William Montgomery]

strawberry because one of them has red on the inside.

[Brian Redban]

One of my.

[William Montgomery]

White on the inside.

[Tony Yayo]

Yell it. Thanks, dumbass.

[Brian Redban]

Is that what you wanted, you idiot? What you want me to yell? It was a strawberry cake, you idiot. Wow, you are mad at that guy in the car.

[William Montgomery]

Mad at that idiot. What did he want me to yell? It was a strawberry.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Good.

[William Montgomery]

I'm trying to have fun tonight, Toad.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, well, what's fun to you?

[William Montgomery]

I don't know.

[Brian Redban]

How. What's. Oh my God. How depressing is that? Yeah. For no reason whatsoever. Oh, all right. So what are you having fun with lately? What are you passionate about? Yeah, anything, William. Is there anything that you're excited about in all of life?

[William Montgomery]

I ate a banana earlier. It was pretty good. I had a banana in a while. Yeah. Thank you. Oh my God. It was a really great banana tonight.

[Tony Yayo]

Oh, wow.

[Brian Redban]

You had a good banana. What did you have with the banana? Little bit of peanut butter tonight. Oh, shit.

[William Montgomery]

And some apples with a little bit

[Brian Redban]

of honey to wow. We love that.

[William Montgomery]

It's a Metamucil. Cuz I haven't been again.

[Brian Redban]

Metamucil.

[Lingo Smith]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[William Montgomery]

Sugar free Metamucil.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, sugar free Metamucil. Right when it tastes horrible. Oh my God. What does it taste like?

[William Montgomery]

Like Tang. Ooh, and it looks like Tang too. It's orange.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[William Montgomery]

So that's been fun mixing up the different mixtures. Seeing how much I can put in there.

[Lingo Smith]

Okay.

[William Montgomery]

Still dissolves and.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. And the Metamucil makes you feel better?

[William Montgomery]

Yeah, it makes my tummy feel a little better.

[Brian Redban]

Really?

[William Montgomery]

I had a freaking doo doo today, Tony.

[Brian Redban]

Oh my goodness. How does your. How have your. How have your duties been lately? Solid.

[William Montgomery]

I've been okay when I can. I mean, it's been two days. I think it was because I was eating a bunch of Butterfingers out in Tulsa.

[Brian Redban]

What were you doing eating Butterfingers in Tulsa?

[William Montgomery]

Starving. Tony and I. I felt weird I was hungry.

[Jason Robo]

I was.

[William Montgomery]

It was freezing cold. And I was in the hotel room and I don't want to leave the hotel room and I'm watching some football and it's like. Well, I can't do, though.

[Ben Dalke]

And I got to.

[William Montgomery]

Got to before the sets later on,

[Brian Redban]

and

[William Montgomery]

about 20 minutes later, I'm able to do.

[Ben Dalke]

So it was okay.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. Amazing. Yeah, it's real exciting. Sylvester Stallone. Have you ever seen anything quite like William Montgomery before?

[Tony Yayo]

No. I'm gonna have to leave, but thank you so much for having me, Tony. Yeah, appreciate it.

[Brian Redban]

Well, we are at the end of the show. You have any favorite Sylvester Stallone projects that you've. That you've seen?

[William Montgomery]

I loved you in Predator. I thought you were wonderful. Killing off the Predator, that was wonderful. When you put the mud on your body. Don't talk about that was really cool.

[Tony Yayo]

I love that part in front of me, pal. You're gonna get the horns right here. Did that.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Hold on.

[William Montgomery]

Sylvester did that one guy.

[Tony Yayo]

That's a baby longhorn that I murdered myself. Oh, that strangled it in front of its mother.

[William Montgomery]

Sylvester, did that one guy actually shave in the jungle without the shaving cream?

[Lingo Smith]

Did that.

[Tony Yayo]

You got the wrong movie, buddy.

[Ben Dalke]

Huh?

[Tony Yayo]

I think he's the wrong guy.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tony Yayo]

The honest crossing again.

[Brian Redban]

That's very disrespectful. You're thinking of Arnold. You're thinking of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

[William Montgomery]

Why are you shaking your head like a idiot, dumbass? I almost didn't have to interact with your ass this entire night, and I was feeling pretty good, man. Was that little cigarette you're smoking. What is that a Virginia Slim? You what are you smoking Virginia Slims over there, idiot?

[Timmy No Breaks]

What?

[Dedrick Flynn]

Cause it's Christmas and that's what your mom smoked.

[David Lucas]

Jokes,

[William Montgomery]

dumbass. Don't come at me right now, idiot. Fucking highlight of my days drinking Metamucil, you idiot. Why are you coming after me? Why'd you think coming after me was a good idea, dumbass? Yeah, after your mom and I are fucking done in her bedroom, which is way too hot. All the time she's smoking those fucking Virginia Slims.

[Brian Redban]

Whatever, Robin Hood. Whoa. Roasted by Red Band. The crowd doesn't know how to handle it because.

[William Montgomery]

What are you referring to? This hat I got for my sweet dead grandmother, B.

[Brian Redban]

Your grandmother referred to or.

[William Montgomery]

What are you referring to?

[Brian Redban]

Your grandmother's name was B?

[William Montgomery]

Yes.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my goodness, that's adorable. We caught her queen bee. We used to her from behind. Whoa. Red band is roasted toasty tonight. They're having A I your mom and grandma battle everyone. This is a whole new thing. He raised. He raised. He called your bluff and raised you a grandma everyone. It appears as if the William is short circuiting right now and doesn't know how to handle this situation. Your Grammy tell you all about that metal muso will. Okay. Red band.

[Tony Yayo]

Very good.

[William Montgomery]

American mom did dumbass except couple years.

[Brian Redban]

Oh wow.

[Dedrick Flynn]

It.

[Brian Redban]

It's a grandma mom battle that's going nowhere. Before we let you go. Before I let you go. I want to because I. You know it's not easy to get a powerful guest like Sylvester Stallone here. And you accidentally named an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. I'm going to give you another chance here. Is there a favorite Sylvester Stallone film that you have that you would like to say right now?

[William Montgomery]

What is it, Rudy? Aren't you the kid in Rudy kick his ass?

[Brian Redban]

I swear to God.

[William Montgomery]

Is that what it is?

[Brian Redban]

Don't kick his ass, Sly. Don't kick his ass. Let's give him and let's give him another guess here. This is the great Sly Stallone.

[William Montgomery]

Or do they go to Bad News Bears is bad news. Beer.

[Brian Redban]

No, no, no. Oh my God. I'm sorry, Sly. I don't know what to do.

[Tony Yayo]

What's stopping me is the mental illness. I don't want to attack mentally ill people. It looks bad on TNT Z.

[Brian Redban]

That's true.

[Tony Yayo]

Just clip it.

[Patrick Cassaday]

You know.

[Tony Yayo]

They don't show that part. Yeah. Naming the wrong movies.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Yayo]

They just show Scalon beating up a guy.

[Brian Redban]

I'm gonna give you one more chance here. This is an opportunity of a lifetime. We have slice Stallone. You should pay your respects. You must have a favorite Sly Stallone movie. You do not leave your hotel much. You don't leave your house much.

[Dedrick Flynn]

You watch.

[Brian Redban]

You consume a lot of television and movies. This should be very easy for you. What is one of your favorite Sly stallone movies?

[William Montgomery]

Rocky 3.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, Rocky 3.

[William Montgomery]

I really. That was my favorite one. I thought you're a greater rock.

[Tony Yayo]

I was hoping, but. All right. Rocky.

[Brian Redban]

All right. Well a real climax there at. At the end. William and improv guru. Some would say absolutely amazing. William, Anything else you want to say before we leave here?

[Patrick Cassaday]

Stop.

[Brian Redban]

Ryan's mom will shoot on your chest. Wow. Red band. Do you think you could create more silence in the room?

[William Montgomery]

Yeah. You're a idiot. I mean it's already got a little weird. You're fucking idiot. Would you think that was going to be funny? Dumbass. Really? Did you think that one was going to be funny? Bringing my fucking. My dead grandmother. Back up, you fucking idiot. You didn't have sex with her.

[Tony Yayo]

I had sex with your mom, dumbass.

[William Montgomery]

Seriously?

[Brian Redban]

Really? I had us all set up here. I gave it to William, and then you. There you go. Someone just broke a breaking shit. Someone just broke a beer bottle over their head right now. William, anything else you want to say before we get out of here? It's very easy. Just fucking yell something. William. Anything, really. It's just such an easy job at this point. You've created this entire world where all you have to do is literally just go. Thank you. Good night, everybody. And then I name the things and then we're fucking out of here. The thing. Wow.

[William Montgomery]

Maybe the holiday season, Tony.

[Brian Redban]

There you go, the holiday season, everyone. What an unbelievable climax we've been come to. How about a hand for William Montgomery, everybody? Guys, make some noise for the Kill Tony debut of the great Tony Yayo, everybody. This podcast is out in the beginning of 2026. Find it the real report. And how about one more time for Sylvester Stallone, everyone? He's on tour. Get tickets@kyle dunigan.com thank you. To talk Space Red Band, check out the Sunset Strip atx.com secret show. How about for the best damn band in all of the land, we'll see you. I mean, this is it. This should be. Yeah, it should be basically the week of the New Year's Eve show. So we'll see you at the Moody center this week for. For our biggest live show ever in Austin, Texas. Very, very exciting stuff. We love you. God bless this audience and God bless the United States of America. Thank you. Good night, everybody. The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets. Sa.