#751 - SHANE GILLIS + JOE ROGAN

Summary

Kill Tony #751 – Shane Gillis + Joe Rogan (January 6, 2026)

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Episode Overview

This episode of Kill Tony, filmed at the Comedy Mothership in Austin, Texas, features comedy legends Shane Gillis and Joe Rogan joining hosts Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redban for a wild night of stand-up, crowd work, and unscripted hilarity. The show's premise remains: unknown comedians (and a few regulars) get 60 seconds on stage, after which they’re interviewed and roasted by the panel. Tonight’s episode is especially celebratory, with Netflix officially streaming the show the following week, and the lineup includes everything from raw newcomers to inspiring (and sometimes outrageous) regulars.

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Key Segments & Discussions

Introduction & Announcements [00:00–04:05]

• Hosts: Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redban banter with the band and introduce the special guests.
• Tony: Announces Kill Tony’s Netflix special (airing January 12) and upcoming Texas tour dates.
• Redban: Hyped crowd work, introduces the panel—“Make some fucking noise for Joe Rogan and Shane Gillis!” [02:58]
• Panel: Shane Gillis promotes his Lincoln Financial Field show (July 17).

Memorable Quote

"This is one of those episodes where truly two of my best friends in the world are on tonight’s panel."
—Tony Hinchcliffe [02:44]

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Comedian 1: Jack Shaw [05:30–13:20]

• Set: Executes edgy material about DMs, peeing sitting down, and Rocket Money app. Self-deprecating, with some jokes falling flat.
• Hanukkah Gifts Bit: Jack brings out gifts for the panel—a Kill Tony yarmulke for Tony (“It says I’m gay on it”) [08:33], Lean Cuisine for Redban, and gag gifts for the band.
• Panel Reaction: Fun with the props, playful roasting from panel and Jack himself.
• Joe Rogan Encouragement: Suggests Jack consider a “props comic” angle, noting Carrot Top’s dominance in the genre.

“This was, like, way funnier than the other stuff.” —Joe Rogan [12:30]

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Comedian 2: Kojak [14:06–23:14]

• Set: Edgy jokes about George Foreman/George Floyd ("George Floydman Grill"), touches on racial satire.
• Interview: Reveals he’s a black, gay, 46-year-old waiter with a much younger Puerto Rican boyfriend.
• Crowd Panel Reaction: Shane and Tony push Kojak about his job, his jokes, and the interracial/age gap relationship; jokes about being “the number one racist black, gay, pedophile comic.”
• Memorable Moment: Candid and outrageous banter, panel in disbelief at Kojak’s multi-layered identity and self-roasting.

“If you had that on your bingo card… $2 bet just won $3.5 billion.” —Redban [19:47]

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Comedian 3: Nick Tormey [23:48–29:59]

(& Surprise Set by Holly Jensen: 30:07–31:58)

• Nick's Set: Self-deprecating jokes about attempted suicide and parkour.
• Interview: Long-time open miker recently moved from Salt Lake City to Austin; collects taxidermy with his comedian fiancée, Holly Jensen.
• Surprise: Holly is summoned from the bar to perform.
• Holly's Set: Clever jokes on Mormon boyfriends, being a Jewish stripper, and working with googly eyes as pasties.
• Memorable Quote:

“This is one of the rare comedy couples where the woman is funnier than the man.” —Redban [31:11]

• Panel: Jokes about pet frog purse, encouragement for Holly, offers future booking.

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Comedian 4: Floyd Jones [34:24–41:21]

• Set: Topical and provocative bits—Kanye jokes, Trader Jews, Olive Garden abortion taglines, race.
• Interview: Reveals he’s a musician/drummer in a metal band.
• Mexican Drum Off: Goes drum-to-drum with house drummer Michael Gonzalez. The crowd cheers for the house band—Michael remains undefeated.
• Panel: Enjoy Floyd’s humor more in the interview than on stage; praise for the energy and authenticity of the set.

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Regular Set: Dedrick Flynn [41:48–51:02]

• Set: Vibrant story about being “the only black dude at a country festival,” free drinks, his friend’s breast milk, and “black Noah’s Ark.”
• Panel: Comments on Dedrick’s new grill (gold teeth), jokes about his speech, gold teeth, and delivery.
• Joe Rogan: Advises Dedrick to “go all in on real gold teeth or drop the grill,” praising his unique style.

“You’ve got your own thing. I love it.” —Joe Rogan [49:35]

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Comedian 5: Tyler Cole [51:31–63:40]

• Set: Jokes about Indian head bobbing, Biden recession, dating, Jersey Shore/Middle East analogies, chain necklace self-roast.
• Interview: Real estate agent (“I sell houses, not Italian despite the chain and pinky ring”), single, shares story about unknowingly dating a married woman.
• Panel: Explores Tyler’s Italian persona, lengthy discussion on his failed relationship (and bar sex), much laughter.
• Memorable Moment:

“Special delivery, daddy.” —Joe Rogan, after learning about sex in a bar with the married woman [61:15]

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Comedian 6: Diamond Debbie [64:24–78:27]

• Set: Jokes about aging, adulthood, nursing home dating, and blue-haired wisdom in a wheelchair.
• Interview: 67-year-old, 111th time signing up, hit by a Tesla (“my wheelchair is crash-test approved”), writes a book called “Debbie Does Austin by Wheelchair.”
• Viral Moment: Gets her first Austin kiss live on stage (and a second from Dedrick), crowd erupts.
• Memorable Exchange:

“No, honey, I’ve got socks older than you.” —Diamond Debbie shuts down Redban about her age [68:19]
“She’s the cutest gremlin I’ve ever seen in my life.” —Tony Hinchcliffe [73:32]

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Comedian 7: Kelly Quinn [80:00–86:22]

• Set: Absurdist jokes about radio fan mail from inmates, military spouse life, “servicing” partners’ PTSD.
• Interview: Former radio DJ, entrepreneur (christmascockpit.com), married to an Air Force pilot.
• Panel: Good-natured roasting about her hat (“uncircumcised penis” as a hat), gift stockings for the hosts.

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Comedian 8: Tadpole Triplet [87:04–97:48]

• Set: Droll, self-deprecating jokes; references to mental health and homelessness.
• Interview: Claims 39 years in stand-up (started at 10), former Jay Leno Tonight Show writer, shares saga of living in LA, then getting hit by a car—performs with a neck brace. Advocates for his “Habitat Pole (for Humanity)” breast cancer charity.
• Memorable Moments: Wearing the neck brace live (“the coolest neck brace I’ve ever seen”—Shane), describes living through trauma with comedic resilience.

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Comedian 9: Gordon Dixon [98:31–100:53]

• Set: Jokes about being an older comic at a strip club, making it rain with checks, and service as a “Jehovah’s Witness.”
• Interview: Admits he’s drunk, works next door, quick-witted but loose performance. Panel wishes him well and keeps the show moving.

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Comedian 10: Lindsay Campbell [101:15–105:19]

• Set: Edgy jokes referencing Nikki Minaj, a miscarriage, and a macabre punch about her husband “holding our baby.”
• Interview: Married, animal lover, works as a bellboy—shares a joke about her German shepherd having a swastika tattoo.
• Panel: Congratulates her boldness and timing; light banter about her animal collection and marriage.

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Show Regular: Ari Matty [106:23–117:04]

• Set: Brilliant, topical bit on AI, job automation, mistakes in comedy, and why AI can’t replace real stand-up (“AI ain’t gonna say the N-word. AI ain’t gonna show its dick to the waitress. I will.” [107:56]).
• Interview: Discusses writing the material in the past 36 hours, MMA record, fascination with Mossad/"Spy Ops" documentary, and expertly delivers jokes about Israeli intelligence mishaps.
• Panel: Praises delivery, topical content, sharpness; multiple callbacks to AI and Jewish themes; crowd-pleasing, strongest set of the night.
• Memorable Quotes:

“If I get in front of a crowd that likes me, I knew… somewhere there will be laughter.” —Ari Matty [110:37]
“That’s why, like, when I did MMA, it was so cool to find out… quick, if you got it, you know?” —Ari Matty [111:23]

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Other Notable Segments & Standouts

• Jack Shaw’s Prop Comedy & Panel Gifts: Brought physical gifts—sending the show into improv chaos.
• Diamond Debbie’s Viral First Kiss: A rare sweet moment; the crowd and panel celebrate her perseverance.
• Tadpole Triplet’s Broken Neck Performance: Comedy through adversity, with his neck brace and unique sense of humor.
• Ari Matty’s “AI Can’t Replace Standup” Bit: Smart, tight, and topical; highlights and parodies social fears.
• Joe Rogan & Shane Gillis Banter: Key throughout, pushing boundaries, riffing fearlessly, and mentoring newcomers.
• Diverse Representation: Black, gay, disabled, young, old, and couples—each brings new, unpredictable energy.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:58] Joe Rogan & Shane Gillis introduced.
• [05:41] Jack Shaw's opening set.
• [08:27] Jack gifts Tony a yarmulke.
• [14:06] Kojak's controversial George Floydman Grill joke.
• [19:19] Kojak’s reveals about his boyfriend and panel banter.
• [23:48] Nick Tormey's set and discussion about taxidermy.
• [30:07] Holly Jensen's (Nick’s fiancée) set.
• [34:24] Floyd Jones with Kanye/Trader Jews jokes, leading to Mexican Drum Off [37:00].
• [41:56] Dedrick Flynn’s country festival/Breast milk tale.
• [51:31] Tyler Cole’s set, chain necklace, and bar sex story.
• [64:24] Diamond Debbie’s set and first Austin kiss.
• [80:00] Kelly Quinn's set about radio and military life.
• [87:04] Tadpole Triplet’s broken neck/long comedy life tale.
• [98:31] Gordon Dixon’s drunken set.
• [101:15] Lindsay Campbell’s edgy set.
• [106:23] Ari Matty’s headliner set: AI, Mossad, and killer crowd interaction.
• [117:10] Show closes with art reveals, next week’s Netflix special reminder.

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Notable Quotes & Clippable Moments

• “You could wear a monocle and look through both eyes through a monocle.” —Redban to Tony [04:47]
• “This is one of the rare comedy couples where the woman is funnier than the man.” —Redban [31:11]
• “You’re a racist gay black pedophile… If you bet only $2 that the first bucket pull would be a gay black racist against black comedian… you just won $3.5 billion.” —Brian Redban [19:47]
• “If you’re gonna get [a grill], get the real thing, or drop it.” —Joe Rogan to Dedrick Flynn [49:44]
• “Special delivery, daddy.” —Joe Rogan after learning of Tyler Cole's bar sex stories [61:15]
• “No, honey, I’ve got socks older than you.” —Diamond Debbie to Redban [68:19]
• “She’s the cutest gremlin I’ve ever seen in my life.” —Tony Hinchcliffe [73:32]
• “AI isn’t gonna say the N-word. AI isn’t gonna show his dick to the comedy club waitress. I will.” —Ari Matty [107:56]

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Episode Summary

This Kill Tony episode is a raucous, lightning-paced showcase of the show at its unpredictable, uncensored best—combining raw new talent, heartwarming moments, panel antics, and the wisdom of seasoned comics. Highlights include wild stories, prop-based bits, unique personal journeys, and a spectrum of comedic voices—from a 67-year-old wheelchair-bound legend finally getting her first Austin kiss, to a broken-necked 39-year vet, and a showstopping AI riff from Ari Matty. Throughout, Joe Rogan, Shane Gillis, and Tony Hinchcliffe drive the energy with expert roasts, madcap encouragement, and sharp interviews. Not to be missed.

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Next Week: Kill Tony’s Netflix debut—no YouTube, only streaming!

Transcript

[Brian Redban]

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out tonyhinchcliffe.com for everything. The Golden Pony, Tony Henchcliffe.

[Raul Vallejo]

You can also check out shopsquad TV

[Brian Redban]

for Death Squad merch hats, mugs, whatever, Shop Squad tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Redman coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get over Tony.

[Shane Gillis]

Let's go.

[Brian Redban]

Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Yippee. Thanks for going to the Brian Red Band waiting. Oh my God, we've done it again. You are here. How you guys feeling tonight? This is Hill Tony, brought to you by Netflix.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ladies and gentlemen, where this upcoming Monday, January 12th, kill Tony once Upon a Time in Texas airs only streaming on Netflix. So we won't be on YouTube next week. We are only on Netflix. How cool is that, huh?

[Brian Redban]

How about one more time for the best damn band in the land. Carlos Sosa, Raul Vallejo, Fernando Castillo, Matt Muling on guitar tonight playing a Matt Muhling signature guitar from John Page guitars. That's John Dee's on the keys. And believe it or not, that is the real D madness. Live in the flesh, the Kel Tony band single Pandemonium.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Out now on Spotify and everywhere where music is played. Here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made tonight's episode possible. We live in Austin, Texas, but we are jumping in a tour bus, ladies and gentlemen, and we are taking the actual Kil Tony show to Houston, Texas, February 28th and Dallas March 28th. Go to tonyhinchcliffe.com for tickets right Right now, come see an actual Kill Tony show in the great state of Texas. One in Houston, February 28th. One in Grand Prairie March 28th. TonyHinchcliffe.com get tickets now. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what? You know, I love living here in Austin, Texas and I just get to work with my friends every week. This is one of those episodes where truly two of my best friends in the world are on tonight's panel, Austin Zone.

[Brian Redban]

Make some fucking noise for Joe Rogan and Shane Gillett. There we go. God damn motherfucking right, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, We are here. Shane Gillis doing the Lincoln Financial Field, aka Eagles motherfucking football stadium, July 17th.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Yeah. Go to that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And Joe Rogan of the jre, the

[Brian Redban]

number one show around the world. These are the homies.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Normally we get to hang out on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, some Thursdays. But tonight we are here on a fucking Monday, getting the week started. Right? How we feeling, gentlemen?

[Shane Gillis]

Let's go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, indeed.

[Shane Gillis]

Feel good. I feel excited. Legitimately very excited and excited to be here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys are two of the best guests in the show's history.

[Brian Redban]

So you already know that this bucket

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

is filled with over 250 or so of hopefuls names. Sometimes it's a great upcoming comedian who we haven't discovered yet. Sometimes it's an insane person that just signed up this week. You never know what can happen. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna let this guy whose eyes are extremely close together. I'm gonna let you pick the first name tonight. You could wear a monocle and look

[Brian Redban]

through both eyes through a monocle.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's unbelievable. If I select one of these people

[Brian Redban]

out of the bucket, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know their time is up. When you hear the sound of a kitten, that means they have to wrap it up then, or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which rudely interrupts their set. And then I conduct an interview. They get feedback from my dear friends here, and we have a hoot nanny. The whole thing's improvised. Anything can happen. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show?

[Brian Redban]

We're gonna get it started tonight with a golden ticket winner. While we go wrangle that innocent soul

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

who's going to go up after him. This golden ticket winner is great at opening the show. Very neurotic, very, very wild.

[Brian Redban]

Boy, make some noise. 60 seconds uninterrupted, a brand new set from Jack Shaw, everybody. Here we go.

[Jack Shaw]

Someone DMed me and they said, fuck you, fuck the Jews. I don't support bombing hospitals. And I was like, yo, that's not me. I'm not doing that. I have no part in that. If I did have a drone, I'd bomb the homeless people. I mean, talk about making unwanted settlements. That's what I'm talking about. Okay. Didn't go great. All right, cool. I'm just a silly little guy, dude. That's just what I am. My girl told me that it gives her the ick that I pee sitting down. So I got upset with her, okay? And I said, if you don't like me peeing sitting down, you should see me pooping standing up. Also didn't go as great as I thought.

[Brian Redban]

It would.

[Jack Shaw]

Okay, Very cool. Awesome. Okay, got one more. Awesome. Hey, you guys hear this app, Rocket Money? Okay. I got this app, and if you don't know what it is, it's an app that tells you the subscriptions that you have. And, well, I got the app. It turns out I have two Rocket Money subscriptions. Thank you, guys.

[Brian Redban]

Jack Shaw really criticizing himself throughout his set, not leaving much work for us to do. I don't know why you had to bring up the DM that I sent you. Yeah, that was supposed to be between me and you, Jack. I mean, you know how that went.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You thought it was gonna go better, huh?

[Jack Shaw]

I really did. Yeah. I was really like, wow, this is gonna go great. And then I got out here and it wasn't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why do you think it was? What do you think exactly happened here tonight?

[Jack Shaw]

Yeah, that's a great question. And I think that maybe it was me.

[Brian Redban]

You are correct. That is the correct answer.

[Jack Shaw]

Yeah.

[Tadpole Triplet]

Yeah.

[Jack Shaw]

Oh, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How's life been going, Jack?

[Lindsay Campbell]

It's been great.

[Jack Shaw]

It's the last night of Hanukkah tonight, everybody.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. That's a way to get the Texas crowd on your.

[Jack Shaw]

I. I actually I brought some presents for all you guys. That's kind of what I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You did.

[Jack Shaw]

I brought some presents.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Jack Shaw]

Heidi, could you bring out my Hanukkah presents?

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my goodness. Here we go. It's Hanukkah time with Jack Shaw.

[Jack Shaw]

Ladies first time, Hanukkah time, and ladies first. So, Tony, I actually got you something very special. I made you your very own Kill Tony Yarmulke.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Shane Gillis]

Put that on. Put that on.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, it says I'm gay on it. There you go. This is where all your preparation for this week's set went into. I love it.

[Shane Gillis]

No, you should wear that.

[Brian Redban]

Shut the up. Like I said, tonight's episode is already brought to you by Netflix. I don't need to put it on.

[Shane Gillis]

And Rocket Money when the deal Money

[Brian Redban]

when the deal's up. In two years, I might have to put this back on again, but for now, we good?

[Nick Tormey]

All right.

[Brian Redban]

What else you got over there?

[Jack Shaw]

Oh, we got. And then we got. I got something special for Red Band. Oh, I got you a Lean Cuisine, cuz. Cuz you're fat.

[Brian Redban]

There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is going so much better than your set.

[Brian Redban]

This is incredible.

[Jack Shaw]

Could you pass this down to him?

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Shane Gillis]

Just like that.

[Brian Redban]

He actually ate it already.

[Jack Shaw]

Of course, there's nothing in it fatty,

[Brian Redban]

but if you tear it up properly,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

it actually turns into a Lean Cuisine yarmulke.

[Brian Redban]

Okay. What else, Jack?

[Jack Shaw]

That's a good idea. I should talk to you more. Okay. And then for our favorite Latino members of the band, I got you citizenship to the United States of America.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. Wow.

[Jack Shaw]

Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa, and Michael Gonzalez. You are Americans.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. Absolutely incredible. How many gifts do you have left over there?

[Jack Shaw]

Pretty much for everyone in the audience. Okay. And then, John Dees, I got you something. I didn't really know what to get you, but Hans Kim told me to get you a bike lock so you could practice stealing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, look at that.

[Jack Shaw]

That's for you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, we'll take care of that later. What else you got there, Jack?

[Jack Shaw]

Okay. Matt Muling. I heard that you're a big liberal.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my God. Wow.

[Joe Rogan]

The flag is crazy. You're near it, you go, wow, that's just schizophrenic. Do you know that flag is totally schizophrenic? What is going on here?

[Jack Shaw]

Apparently, it's an inclusivity flag.

[Joe Rogan]

There's so much happening in that flag.

[Jack Shaw]

Yeah, I don't know what the circle.

[Shane Gillis]

Wait, did we. Did we get a white stripe on there? Now, hold on a second. This flag might be all right. I don't know. There's a white power stripe on the flag. That's crazy.

[Brian Redban]

We're fighting the good fight. We're going.

[Shane Gillis]

Throw that on the ground. Dude, you can't do that for you wear it around your shoulders like a prize fighter.

[Jack Shaw]

This is mat to wear, so I'll give that to him.

[Brian Redban]

I'm gonna wear. I'm gonna wear it like a cape. Fly away.

[Joe Rogan]

That thing flag, you got to treat it like it's the Iranian flag.

[Jack Shaw]

I don't know what that means.

[Joe Rogan]

It means that it kill you if you leave it on the ground.

[Jack Shaw]

Oh, okay.

[Shane Gillis]

Gotta fold it properly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah,

[Jack Shaw]

I'll give it.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, no, sorry.

[Jack Shaw]

I'm panicking. I am fully panicking.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're doing a good job.

[Brian Redban]

You're doing a good job.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's gonna end up in a dumpster

[Brian Redban]

next to a Kill Tony Yarmulke later, so it's all good.

[Jack Shaw]

Dude, I spent $20 on that.

[Diamond Debbie]

Uh.

[Brian Redban]

Oh.

[Jack Shaw]

I really thought you'd like it, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, it's great. It's great. I really do. I'm just making jokes, Jack. Unlike you during your set tonight.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, his new get er done is. That didn't go how I expected it to.

[Joe Rogan]

Have you ever thought about doing props?

[Jack Shaw]

Yeah, Right now I think you should.

[Joe Rogan]

I was talking to Carrot Top about this because it's kind of crazy that he's the only guy that does props now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, he.

[Joe Rogan]

When I first started out, there was a lot of prop comics. It was a common thing. But Carrot Top got so big that the upcoming people thought they would be stealing if they started doing props. But I think it's a legitimate idea for you. This was, like, way funnier than the other stuff.

[Jack Shaw]

Can you hear me?

[Joe Rogan]

Very clever. You're very clever.

[Jack Shaw]

You didn't like the Rocket Money joke?

[Joe Rogan]

It was okay.

[Shane Gillis]

Rocket Money.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Turns out I have two Rocket Money subscriptions.

[Jack Shaw]

That's good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it's good.

[Jack Shaw]

That's good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You didn't get anything for D Madness,

[Jack Shaw]

and that's the final gift of the night. D Madness. I heard you lost your eyes in that tragic accident, so.

[Brian Redban]

Jesus Christ.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not at all. What happened?

[Jack Shaw]

But I got you some. Got you some brand new eyes.

[Brian Redban]

Oh,

[Jack Shaw]

they really broke. They really broke.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They already broke, everybody.

[Jack Shaw]

Okay. I thought that was gonna go better, too. Okay, so that. That was this kill.

[Brian Redban]

Tony said, you did good, Jack.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you for all the gifts.

[Kelly Quinn]

Thank you.

[Brian Redban]

D Madness. Those are googly eyes if you're wondering what's going on. It's good. Keep that trans flag away from D Madness, or else he's gonna light on fire famous homophobe D Madness. Okay, that's your first comedian of the night. But now we go to the bucket, where it, believe it or not, it's usually more insane. So we're gonna see what happens here. Your first bucket bowl tonight makes some noise for Kojak, everybody. 60 seconds uninterrupted, and then an interview.

[Kojak]

Hey, people keep asking me why I did Jake Paul dirty in the sixth round. I was like, come on, bro. I'm not even British. Stop playing. I do like boxing, though. Rest in peace. To George Foreman, boxing legend died a couple months ago. You guys know George Foreman, Notably known for naming all his kids George Foreman, Even. Even the girls. But also the George Foreman Grill. I'm sure you all had a George Foreman Grill, right? I just moved into my new apartment. I got a George Foreman Grill, but I'm a little cheap, so I got a knockoff version. I got the George Floydman Grill. It's sort of like the George Foreman Grill, but you got to press down extra hard to get the grill marks.

[Joe Rogan]

Call me Kojak.

[Kojak]

Kaepernick out this.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm just.

[Kojak]

I expected to grow marks to say B till beat blt, but it ends up saying blm. And I'm just like, what the. That's what I give. I use a counterfeit 20 to pay for it. So I guess that's what I get. All right.

[Ari Matty]

Thank you.

[Kojak]

That's my time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you, Kojak.

[Brian Redban]

Ladies and gentlemen, George Floyd. Mongrel.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at that. Welcome, Kojak. How long you been on stand up?

[Kojak]

Four years. Once we opened. As soon as you open this. About three years. As soon as the mothership opened, I started.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice. What made you want to start then?

[Kojak]

I've been watching kill Tony since 2015.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing.

[Kojak]

I saw you at.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old are you? You look like you could be 20 or 65.

[Kojak]

I'm 46.

[Brian Redban]

Really?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, look at that. Yeah, I believe it. You're doing good. How do you stay so young? Young looking?

[Kojak]

I stay in the gym. I stay in the sauna.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You stay there?

[Kojak]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

You have 24 Hour Fitness membership?

[Kojak]

Yeah, I'm fit, man. I do some things, man.

[Ari Matty]

I lift.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, you just looked at Joe

[Brian Redban]

Rogan and said, I love. I lift.

[Joe Rogan]

That was uncomfortable.

[Kojak]

I lift weights.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Shane Gillis]

Shape.

[Diamond Debbie]

I run.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. What do you do for a living?

[Kojak]

I am the number one waiter in Austin, Texas, at a fine dining establishment.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Kojak]

I took care of Shane. Like, what?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Kojak]

Last.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I was with Egan McCann and Sam Talent. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice.

[Shane Gillis]

Right after. Yeah.

[Kojak]

How was I?

[Shane Gillis]

I don't care about. What was the name of the rest, do you?

[Joe Rogan]

You want to say?

[Shane Gillis]

I don't remember. It was good, though. You were great. I didn't know you're so racist, but I would have left a bigger tip. No, but that was crazy to do that in front of all these whites. Even I didn't like that.

[Kojak]

We gotta be careful out there, man. A lot of George Floyd types out there. I saw three on my way in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What does that mean, bro?

[Shane Gillis]

Where are you from?

[Joe Rogan]

Philly.

[Shane Gillis]

Yo, go birds, let's go.

[Brian Redban]

22nd in diamond.

[Kojak]

Stop playing.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, wow. All right. Well, the hood. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Shane Gillis]

I take back every joke I made about you.

[Kojak]

How was I? I waited on you.

[Shane Gillis]

Was I great? You were great. You were wonderful.

[Kojak]

Thank you, Mike.

[Shane Gillis]

I remember it. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You don't want to say the restaurant because you think you'll get in trouble for a George Floyd joke? Is that what I'm picking up?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, definitely.

[Raul Vallejo]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perfect.

[Kojak]

People don't go to my restaurant.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Joe Rogan]

I don't say it now. Definitely don't say it. They're gonna fire you, bro.

[Brian Redban]

For those of you. For those of you maybe not watching and just listening to the podcast, the Kojak is black, everybody. I know he's extremely racist towards the blacks, but I promise you, he is black.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is incredible.

[Kojak]

I just have a problem with George Floyd.

[Brian Redban]

Why?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's your problem?

[Brian Redban]

Try to make.

[Kojak]

They said he was my hero. I had George Floyd and P. Diddy to look up to as heroes. That's some.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, man. I mean, do you say what you got to say?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. And I think.

[Kojak]

And I think all the educated blacks would agree.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, again, he's black.

[Kojak]

Where's Candace Owens when you need her?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, Kojak, when you say you're the number one waiter in all of Austin, what do you mean by that?

[Kojak]

That means I was rated number one in all of Austin by anyone that comes in and I take care of.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. What do you think?

[Kojak]

You like steak?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kojak]

You like bone in filet?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like bone in at my butt.

[Shane Gillis]

Just beat me to the punch on there.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, exactly.

[Shane Gillis]

I was gonna say. Yeah, he likes hot dogs. He got any hot dogs at that steakhouse? Let's go. Yes. I'll have six hot dogs.

[Joe Rogan]

Fat and juicy.

[Kojak]

We got a nice petite filet for you.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my God. Hot dog.

[Shane Gillis]

All right, brother.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Kojak, what do you do for fun when you're not doing stand up or waiting tables?

[Kojak]

I do a lot of cooking at home. I have a. I am always at heb shopping, so I have. My boyfriend is Puerto Rican, so we make a lot of.

[Brian Redban]

Whoa, look at that. A racist gay black. If you have that on your bingo card. Again, if you were on prize picks. If you were on prize picks and you bet only $2 that the first bucket pool would be a gay black racist against black comedian. With only a $2 bet, you just won $3.5 billion. This is why you need to go to prize fix. Use the promo code, Tony, and place your bets. A $2 bet would have given you 3.5 billion.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Gay black racist against blacks.

[Brian Redban]

Do you want to be my new best friend? No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Do you like hot dogs? We'll put those on your George Foreman grill. We'll have a hell of a night. Tell us about this Puerto Rican boyfriend.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What does he do for work?

[Kojak]

He. He works at heb.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. I get that discount. Oh, my God. What's he working The.

[Raul Vallejo]

The bakery?

[Joe Rogan]

He's in the meat aisle.

[Shane Gillis]

Tony,

[Brian Redban]

what part of HEB does he work at?

[Kojak]

He's a bagger.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, a bagger.

[Brian Redban]

Look at that.

[Joe Rogan]

That's the only time he bags, right? Raw dog. That's right.

[Kojak]

I'm 20 years a senior, so I bagged him, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Shane Gillis]

H. Oh, Racist K Pedop. Racist k. Black pedophile you're that whole flag that was just out here crazy.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my God.

[Shane Gillis]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long you been with this bag boy?

[Kojak]

Five and a half years.

[Shane Gillis]

Wow.

[Kojak]

His in laws are. Well, my in laws are moving here. It's got his mom and his grandmom to come move.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness.

[Kojak]

And it's a little bit of an age gap, but me and his mom are the same age, so that was. That was a hill to get over.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're with a young. You're. You've been with a young.

[Brian Redban]

How old?

[Shane Gillis]

Wait, you're 47?

[Kojak]

46.

[Shane Gillis]

That's even worse.

[Brian Redban]

Is he 15 years old? Like, why is he a bagger?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go.

[Shane Gillis]

Hey, shut up.

[Brian Redban]

How old is he, Kojak?

[Kojak]

Mean, he just turned 25.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, look at you.

[Kojak]

Oh, y' all care about gay now? Get the out of here. Like y' all care about gay all of a sudden. Out of here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. HB now, HIV later.

[Brian Redban]

How excited? How excited?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Exciting.

[Brian Redban]

Let's go. Well, Kojak, fun times. You know, I like the George Floydman joke. Getting a big joke book, buddy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go.

[Brian Redban]

We're going to keep it moving along.

[Kojak]

Hey, can you come when you come and I'll serve you? Come to my restaurant.

[Brian Redban]

I don't know what or you didn't want to say the name of the restaurant.

[Kojak]

She don't tell you.

[Shane Gillis]

Okay.

[Kojak]

The Lowercase Grill.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Lowercase Grill.

[Shane Gillis]

Hey, that's code, dude. I don't know what you guys do.

[Kojak]

He knows Shane is up.

[Tadpole Triplet]

Oh, thank you.

[Shane Gillis]

You guys are great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There he goes.

[Brian Redban]

All right, Kojak, everybody.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There he goes.

[Brian Redban]

Right out the back door, just like he likes it. Oh, there's the lovely Heidi, everybody. Look at her. She's gonna be working hard tonight on these bud lights. Live in the first flesh. Heidy regina.com. she's got a podcast, a bunch of going on. On Back to the bucket we go. Ladies and gentlemen, 60 seconds uninterrupted. This looks like a new name. Make some noise for Nick Tormey, everybody. Here we go

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

to

[Shane Gillis]

everybody.

[Nick Tormey]

So a little bit about me. I'm not really great at following through on things. Like, I dropped out of community college twice. I tried hanging myself, wound up with a choking fetish. The rope broke from the ceiling, but I shot a few more right back up there. You never know when you're gonna find a new hobby. Like you think anyone ever found out they're good at parkour by attempting suicide? They jump from the building, then the moment for impact. They tuck and roll some French Guys show up, Hosmani starts playing. I think it's much more likely someone's attempted parkour and found out they're good at suicide.

[Brian Redban]

All right, there he is. Nick Tormey. It's your first time on the show, Nick.

[Nick Tormey]

Yes, sir.

[Brian Redban]

Welcome, welcome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long you been doing stand up?

[Nick Tormey]

About six years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice.

[Nick Tormey]

Where at mostly? Salt Lake.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. That's where you live, still?

[Nick Tormey]

No, I moved down here in August.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. How do you like Austin?

[Nick Tormey]

I love it. It's awesome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you love about it?

[Nick Tormey]

I like that there's no winner. I'm a big fan of that

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

winter.

[Nick Tormey]

Yeah, I. I'm from upstate New York then I lived on top of a mountain in Utah in a van for four years.

[Shane Gillis]

So, yeah, fucking drive down, Talking about.

[Nick Tormey]

Took me four years to realize that I'm not a smart man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. What do you do for work?

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Nick Tormey]

I did work at the ski resort for a while that doesn't exist down here. Yeah, I'm working for Amazon right now. I'm working for the devil. It's pretty fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're driving.

[Nick Tormey]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What's that like? Tell us.

[Nick Tormey]

Oh, awful.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, tell us down for us. What do you hate about it?

[Nick Tormey]

They have you on a camera at all times. It's like an AI camera that's tracking you the whole time. And I also threw out my back yesterday, so I was walking around like Quasimodo for most of my deliveries.

[Raul Vallejo]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The last comic blew out his back, too. Yeah. So, Nick, tell us more. What are you into, buddy? You have any special skills or talents that might surprise us? You seem like you have a little something up your sleeve.

[Nick Tormey]

Me and. I'm engaged. Me and my fiance collect taxidermy.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where'd you meet this bag boy at?

[Nick Tormey]

I met her at an open mic.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh?

[Nick Tormey]

I met her at an open mic.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, nice. She does comedy, too? Yep.

[Nick Tormey]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Interesting. Did she sign up tonight?

[Nick Tormey]

She did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's over. She's. She's at the bar next door.

[Nick Tormey]

Yeah, she is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Colt, do you know who that is? Holly. What's her name? What is it?

[Nick Tormey]

Holly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Holly what?

[Nick Tormey]

Jensen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Holly Jensen. Go grab Holly Jensen.

[Brian Redban]

Let's see who the funniest person in this couple is. Always spontaneous fun. Here.

[Shane Gillis]

Have a holly Christmas, folks.

[Joe Rogan]

How did you get into collective taxidermy?

[Nick Tormey]

She got me into. I got her a taxidermied frog. It's like a cane toad, like the invasive species in Australia. It's like a purse. She has it with her.

[Shane Gillis]

Tell Holly to bring the frog. Let's see the frog.

[Joe Rogan]

That's so crazy. My wife would stab me.

[Nick Tormey]

No, she loves it.

[Shane Gillis]

And we got.

[Nick Tormey]

We got some bats, we got some mice, and a teacup.

[Shane Gillis]

Was she doing van life with you, or did you meet her here?

[Gordon Dixon]

She.

[Nick Tormey]

No, she lived in the van for a year.

[Gordon Dixon]

Oh.

[Shane Gillis]

Did you ever get close to the old patino?

[Nick Tormey]

I do like national parks. Big fan of the park system.

[Shane Gillis]

Like, a fight in a van would suck.

[Nick Tormey]

Oh, it's awful. Yeah. There's not much room.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. I think I saw a documentary on

[Brian Redban]

Netflix about this one.

[Shane Gillis]

That was my joke, you dumbasses.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, you did?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I said her name.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, I missed.

[Shane Gillis]

Say her name.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it.

[Brian Redban]

So you got bats, you got rats.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What else?

[Nick Tormey]

We got a taxidermied fox. We just got. We got a praying mantis, and she found a big dragonfly in the woods that we're keeping in the freezer right now.

[Joe Rogan]

They say there's someone for everyone

[Brian Redban]

today.

[Joe Rogan]

You see proof.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you guys have a place? It's here in Austin?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What does she do for work?

[Nick Tormey]

Nothing right now.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Nick Tormey]

For something.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Nick Tormey]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

All right. Do you get, like, used taxidermy? Like, people that have died that have, like, sold it, like, so it's, like, creepier.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, God.

[Nick Tormey]

She would probably love that, for sure. But no. We went to a store. They had human skulls, too. It was weird. And spines.

[Brian Redban]

Ladies and gentlemen. Well, I guess they just sent her out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Brian Redban]

That's one way to do it.

[Shane Gillis]

Can I see that frog?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Wow.

[Nick Tormey]

He's got a little butthole.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that real?

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah, it looks fake. 100% real.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do you know it's real? Joe Rogan.

[Kelly Quinn]

He's an invasive species in Australia. He's a cane toad. His name's Winston. He's our son.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Shane Gillis]

Terrifying.

[Gordon Dixon]

Look at that.

[Joe Rogan]

Legit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's incredible. I think it's a. I don't see

[Brian Redban]

a dick on it. I don't know if it might be your daughter.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Holly, you want to do the set that you were planning on doing here?

[Brian Redban]

That's how I would have done it. Instead of just sending her out randomly, I would have brought her up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ladies and gentlemen, doing 60 seconds uninterrupted, make some noise for Holly Jensen, everybody.

[Kelly Quinn]

So I'm actually from Salt Lake City, Utah. I just moved here, and the first thing everybody always asks is if I'm Mormon. I'm not. I'm Jewish. But I did have a lot of Mormon boyfriends growing up. The cool thing about Mormon boyfriends is they have some really weird rules. Like, they won't drink coffee, but they will finger a Jew. I've been having a hard time getting a job out here in Austin. When I was in Salt Lake, I was a stripper. Thank you. So much. More supportive than my parents. I appreciate it. They hated the stuff that I would do at work. Like, I loved showing up with googly eyes as pasties. Turns out men don't like it when the tits stare back at them. Shit kept going wrong at the strip club. Like, one day our DJ didn't show up, so we had to dance to Pandora Radio with the commercials on. So I was just twerking on some old dude. Like, do you struggle with osteoporosis? Thank you. That's my time.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. Holly Benson. Oh, my God. This is one of the rare comedy couples where the woman is funnier than the man. Again, if you bet this on prize picks, you just won $750,000.

[Shane Gillis]

He's taking her straight to a state park. Have that. Dude, you cannot allow that. You have to kill her now. You have to kill her. Yeah, she's about to be taxidermy, her bro.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, she's about to be in the freezer next to the Dragonfly. Holly, you're hilarious.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long have you been doing stand up? Eight years. Awesome.

[Brian Redban]

And that was all in upstate New

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

York or Salt Lake City?

[Kelly Quinn]

Salt Lake City, Utah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And that's where you're from?

[Diamond Debbie]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Absolutely incredible. Why don't you work?

[Kelly Quinn]

Oh, I mean, I've been trying. I've been applying to jobs, but.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What are you good at? What do you want to do?

[Kelly Quinn]

I'm good at stripping. I love doing stuff.

[Brian Redban]

Really?

[Kelly Quinn]

I love doing both of those things. So, yeah, a job in either of those things would be great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've done.

[Jack Shaw]

You've.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've stripped before.

[Jack Shaw]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Heidi, what do you think? Can you get her a job?

[Brian Redban]

You just got a job at the Yellow Rose. Congratulations. Or at least an audition is the

[Shane Gillis]

worst night of this guy's life. What are you.

[Brian Redban]

Why?

[Shane Gillis]

Why?

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my God.

[Shane Gillis]

No. You're fired.

[Brian Redban]

This poor guy is going to be all alone tomorrow night at 2:30am petting a dead B.

[Shane Gillis]

He talked about he tried to kill himself.

[Brian Redban]

Holy. Well, you guys just did something real special here. Very entertaining. We got a small one for Nick. You guys want him to get a big one? All right, you guys are both getting big ones. There you go. There goes Nick Tormey and Holly Jensen, everybody. You know what, Holly? Next year I would love to have you on the secret show. All right, Next year. All right.

[Shane Gillis]

Why'd you wear it like that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Because he's.

[Tadpole Triplet]

January.

[Brian Redban]

Completely January. No, next Thursday's Christmas.

[Gordon Dixon]

A week after.

[Shane Gillis]

So January.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

So January.

[Shane Gillis]

Say fucking January.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, just say the next secret show next. I'd love to have you next decade. Jesus Christ. You're unbelievable. Well, it's been a hell of an episode so far. Your next bucket poll goes by the name of Floyd Jones, everybody. Here we go.

[Floyd Jones]

So are we just gonna act like Kanye wasn't a Nazi? That's just how we're. Okay, perfect. I don't know if you guys heard. He actually changed his name. He's Kanye. Auschwest. Yeah, Kanye. Which is crazy. Like, he said he was done making music, done making controversial statements. He's actually gonna open a chain of all natural grocery stores. It's gonna name it Trader Jews. I don't. I think it's problematic, to say the least, but I like the thought of restaurants just fucking up. Like, I think it'd be cool if Olive Garden gave abortions, you know, because then their tagline could be, when you're here, you were almost family. That's. Speaking of how I'm a piece of shit at restaurants. You guys thought I was Puerto Rican. I'm black. I promise. I've got the paperwork. I'll get 23 and mead right now. Even though that just sounds like a cool movie about Michael Jordan, so. But white people just need to know. They're like, I just want to make sure. Like, God. And so I like to go to sushi restaurants because the waitress is never black. And when she comes over, I go, hi, could I get some salmon, niggery? And she's like, whoa, you mean nigiri.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. Damn. A lot of oohs and ahs during that set.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Floyd Jones. Welcome, Floyd. Is this your first time on the show? Yo, talking to. Grabbing that microphone, buddy.

[Floyd Jones]

I don't know how that happened.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Habit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Welcome, welcome. How long you been doing comedy, Floyd?

[Floyd Jones]

Since, like, 2021. You know, January 6th. Right.

[Kojak]

Okay.

[Floyd Jones]

Not great. Shane knows.

[Kojak]

Oh, my God.

[Floyd Jones]

Joe Rogan, dude. Hell yeah, you.

[Brian Redban]

Hey, man.

[Floyd Jones]

Without you.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, man.

[Brian Redban]

Let's go. Let's go. These are your heroes. Honestly, this is like Pokemon.

[Floyd Jones]

It's like you started toading you into shaded, like, ah, the Charizard himself. Dude.

[Brian Redban]

Holy.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude.

[Tadpole Triplet]

What?

[Brian Redban]

Let's go.

[Shane Gillis]

Where was this? Let's go. Where was this? You funny.

[Floyd Jones]

Hey, dude, I wasn't ready for it. I'm sorry. Yeah.

[Jack Shaw]

Oh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

People are having better interviews than sets tonight.

[Kojak]

Yeah.

[Floyd Jones]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey. Hey, it's Floyd. Tell us about You. What do you not do for a living?

[Floyd Jones]

Just care, I guess. Care?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you.

[Floyd Jones]

No, I play music, man.

[Brian Redban]

I'm a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a professional musician and a metal band.

[Brian Redban]

Really?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a drummer?

[Tadpole Triplet]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Well, I mean, it's been a long time since we've done this, but for those of you that are fans of the show, you might know that if anybody that does comedy on this show,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

drums, we have a little thing where they get a drum solo and our house drummer gets a drum solo. And if the guest drummer is able to beat our drummer in a, in

[Brian Redban]

a drum off, they become the full

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

time drummer of the show.

[Brian Redban]

So like highlanders, a drum off here

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

and if you beat Michael Gonzalez in the drum solo off, you become the full time drummer on this show and Michael has to dress like a five year old and that's playing a metal band.

[Brian Redban]

This is a Mexican drum off, ladies and gentlemen. Now I must warn you, Floyd Jones, Michael Gonzalez all time is undefeated here

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

on his home turf. But I'm guessing that Floyd, since he does this for a living, might have a little something. Well, we know he doesn't have anything up his sleeve because he's wearing a basketball jersey, but I'm guessing he is very talented. Let's see what happens here.

[Brian Redban]

This is Kill Tony. Brought to you by Netflix January 12th.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

1, 2, 3, 4.

[Brian Redban]

There you go. That is indeed a drum solo. That is a good one. That is a good one. I really hope Michael puts it together here. I would, I would hate to look at those flabby arms every week. An incredible amount of blatant Ozempic weight loss on this guy. Wow. Defending his throne, undefeated all time in Mexican drum offs on his home turf. This, this is Michael Gonzalez. Yep. Thank God almighty. Really tied it together there at the end. Let's see. Unfortunately, it's not up to us. It is up to the live audience here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do we have a. We have a decibel meter? I can't remember. We have it going. All right, so here we go, Colt, on the camera, on the decibel meter. How many of you have Floyd Jones

[Brian Redban]

winning this Mexican drum off? Make some noise. How many of you have Michael Gonzalez winning?

[Shane Gillis]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

Thank God. I may have affected this election, wouldn't be the first time. But. Floyd, you gave it a hell of a run.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was very good. Good interview, good set. I guess you get to keep those drumsticks. There's a big joke book.

[Brian Redban]

There he goes. Floyd Jones, ladies and gentlemen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There goes Floyd. Saying goodbye to Shane and Lord Charizard.

[Brian Redban]

Or Whatever he said, here's another Bud Light brought to you by Bud Light,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

ladies and gentlemen. This is a special time in the show's history because we have a brand new regular who has absolutely taken the show over by storm.

[Brian Redban]

This is a brand new set.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They get to do a little bit longer than a minute if they want. And this is the dark storm of

[Brian Redban]

Atlanta, ladies and gentlemen. He is here. Make some noise for Dedrick Flynn. Y. Yeah.

[Raul Vallejo]

Oh, my God. What you know about being the only black dude at a country music festival in Kennesaw, Georgia, called Shake it Boots Festival? Yeah. No, I only found that out cause when I walked into the venue, a dude ran up to me out of breath, and he was like, hey, my nigga, you know you out of uniform, right? And I was like, no, I'm here for the festival. I love Blake Shelton. I love Kenny Chesney. And he was like, nigga, stop lying. I got an extra vest in my car. And I was like, no, I'm here for the festival. And I showed him my id, and I showed him my badge, and he looked at my ID and he looked at my badge, and he looked at me, and he looked at my. Tasha, you gonna want to hear this. So Tasha came over. I met Tasha. She did the same thing, Jamal. I met everybody. One by one, I made all 37 black people like, I'm a black Noah's ark. They kept calling me the Day Walker. They said I was blade. And it was a great country music festival, man. Cause all the black people that was working the event kept giving me free drinks. But they also had reentry. They stopped doing it. They had re entry into the festival. So we just go to the car and, like, parking lot pimp drink beers. And the reason why we knew it was time to go drink beers is cause my best friend Jessie, who was a redneck Filipino, but raised black. Cause she was my best friend. Her older sister Jackie had just had a kid, and she would look us in the face and she would be like, I need to get out of here. My tits about to pop. I gotta go pump. So we would go back to the car, and she's chugging beers. We're all drinking beers. And she's pumping. But she pumped more than, like, a regular. Like, a white woman could never pump as much milk as it take to make a redneck Filipino that's raised black. Like my nephew Maxwell. Today, he's 10 years old. He's taller than me. So she's pumping a lot. And I'm looking at her Titty milk. And I wanted to taste some, but I ain't know how to ask. And then God got my back so much, he confused my friend Derek. My friend Derek saw me looking at the breast milk, and he was like, yo, I bet you $100 you won't drink Jackie's breast milk. Nigga, I was already thinking about it. She got a husband. I don't know how you ask somebody like, are y' all a couple? How do you get if you have breast milk? I gotta be like, hey, excuse me, breast brother. This breakfast milk you ain't bringing to your kids, it got alcohol in it. Can I. Can I sip some before you pour it on the ground? But for $100, I could at least buy one T shirt while I'm inside the goddamn place. So I was like, hell, yeah, let's run it. And so they. They brought the funnel out because it was too much titty milk to just sip. It was too much to zip. You got to bring the funnel out. It was like two gallons of titty milk. She and I chugged it all in 8 seconds flat. I was doing a great job also. I don't know if y' all love titties as much as I do, but I research them. Breast milk tastes like whatever the mom is eating and drinking, so her titty milk just tasted like Tecate and tequila with a little bit. It tastes like a redneck Filipino horchata. You know what I'm saying? It tastes like a little redneck Filipino orchata. But also, if you all study titties as much as I do, you would know that a titty milk has all the vitam. I haven't had a hangover in 12 years. Ah, I'm doing good. That's my time. I call y' all later.

[Brian Redban]

Deadrick Flint, ladies and gentlemen. Dedrick, it is so fun to watch you perform. Two weeks ago, you had regular teeth.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're getting better with the grill, but there is a slight speech impediment still there.

[Brian Redban]

One of my favorite.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

One of my favorite parts of the

[Brian Redban]

set is when you said I wanted

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

to taste them, but I didn't know how to ask.

[Brian Redban]

The grill is affecting those S's.

[Kelly Quinn]

It is.

[Brian Redban]

It is.

[Raul Vallejo]

I'm not used to money, Tony.

[Brian Redban]

It's amazing that you're willing to make the sacrifice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Out with the S's in with the gold teeth. Still making it work.

[Brian Redban]

Plowing through it. I love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Camoed up tonight. Look at that.

[Raul Vallejo]

Oh, yeah, I got that on. Tony. Did I say it right?

[Brian Redban]

That shit on Hell, yeah.

[Raul Vallejo]

Got that shit on. You know what I'm talking about. No, you don't. Yo, you. You just. You still disguising that forehead? That shit is big as hell. Yeah, that swooped over, but it's still goddamn plasma screen tv, bro.

[Shane Gillis]

It's a good look. Don't let anyone talk to you.

[Raul Vallejo]

Take your head off. Shane.

[Shane Gillis]

You. Dude, don't. Look. David Lucas was good at it. We already had one. David, don't do that.

[Raul Vallejo]

Hey, my pocket's fat enough, but not me. You know, if he did. Dave Lucas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

David's a. David Lucas is also wearing

[Brian Redban]

a grill right now. It's a green egg.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Is that right?

[Diamond Debbie]

Green egg.

[Shane Gillis]

It wasn't the reference that threw it off.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My delivery is a little bit floppy tonight.

[Raul Vallejo]

I'll take them out.

[Brian Redban]

No, it's.

[Raul Vallejo]

I won't.

[Shane Gillis]

I won't talk to you.

[Raul Vallejo]

That's good to see y'.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All.

[Raul Vallejo]

Y' all look.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I'll get you more teeth. If you killed David Lucas. What'd you guys think? I was serious?

[Brian Redban]

Okie dokie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Dedrick, how's life been going, man?

[Raul Vallejo]

I'm doing good. I got them touring like a. We just left Lincoln, California, together.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I took Dedrick on our first road gig together.

[Brian Redban]

That was fun.

[Raul Vallejo]

Yeah, that was fun as a motherfucker. I ain't never been on a private jet. I was. I was so used to getting pat down. They just walked down and was like, would you like a coffee? And I was like, am I an interrogation? I'm ready to snitch on you. I don't know what you did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep, it was a fun trip. We. Especially the ride back in.

[Raul Vallejo]

Yeah, that was so much fun.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, it was a blast.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was actually a.

[Brian Redban]

Yes. Very good. Red band. Yes. We. We banged. Red band.

[Shane Gillis]

I like where he's going.

[Brian Redban]

Of course you do.

[Shane Gillis]

You're the diddler. Yeah, no offense.

[Brian Redban]

That's why. That's where his new lisp actually comes from.

[Shane Gillis]

Knocked his teeth.

[Brian Redban]

All right, all right.

[Shane Gillis]

Sorry. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dedrick, Dedrick, Dedrick.

[Brian Redban]

You guys have seen Dedrick?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The Dark Storm of Atlanta. What are our thoughts? Joe Rogan, other than his jacket and his hat, what do you like about him?

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, he's got a completely new style. It's like your own thing.

[Shane Gillis]

It's great.

[Joe Rogan]

I love it.

[Raul Vallejo]

Thank you so much.

[Joe Rogan]

I've seen you perform a bunch of times. Talenting is fun.

[Shane Gillis]

Fun.

[Joe Rogan]

Get rid of the grill, though. It's ridiculous. You can't even talk, you know, you got money. Either get real gold teeth or stop Fucking around. Okay, Those aren't even, like, fake tits. They're like the rubber ones you stuff in your br. Just get a goddamn operation and commit to a look, okay?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

If you're gonna get.

[Raul Vallejo]

That's so crazy.

[Shane Gillis]

Those are real.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, there you go. That's what I like.

[Raul Vallejo]

Hey, Joe.

[Joe Rogan]

I like commitment.

[Raul Vallejo]

You can affect how much I get paid every week. You got give me the real gold teeth, nigga. I go get em. I don't give a fuck. I got this to prove to my neighborhood I was doing good. But, nigga, if you. You Joe Rogan. You know Joe Rogan? You know Joe Rogan? Name one thing about me. All right, all right. So you had a power to change my whole life, Joe Rogan.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You could put those on like a rope and just wear them around your neck, and everybody would know you have

[Brian Redban]

money, and they would be able to

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

hear you pronounce your S's correctly.

[Raul Vallejo]

Yeah, I'mma tell you right now, Tony, I'm from the South. We ain't pronounced no s or T the whole time I've been talking. But sometimes they don't understand me on the Internet, so I can talk how I want to.

[Brian Redban]

I agree. I agree.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like a slut. Freedom of. Freedom of speech.

[Brian Redban]

Dedrick, you've done it again. We love you. Freak of nature. The dark storm of Atlanta has graced us with his presence. On and on we go. Back to the box.

[Tyler Cole]

It

[Brian Redban]

this person has to follow. Dedrick, make some noise. 60 seconds uninterrupted for what appears to be a new name. Tyler Cole, everybody. Here comes Tyler Cole.

[Tyler Cole]

Do y' all think Indians do that head bob thing when they're sucking dick? Oh, my God, this is so big. Did y' all hear Joe Biden woke up today?

[Nick Tormey]

Yeah.

[Tyler Cole]

So six more weeks of recession. That's what that means. So I went on a first date the other day, told the girl I was a comic, and she said, no way. I'd love to see you perform sometime. And I said, well, we should probably have sex first, so you can appreciate just how long five minutes really is. It's a long time, I swear. Do we have any fans of Jersey Shore in here? Yeah. Someone told me the other day I look like a cast member on the upcoming spinoff Gaza Shore. It's just five Jews and five Palestinians arguing for an hour. This bedroom was promised to me. Someone also told me I look like the situation in the Middle East. And then they said, it looks like my forehead could bench press £225. That was really rude. I've been Tyler Cole. Thank you, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tyler Cole making fun of himself throughout the day. Fun stuff. Tyler, welcome. Is this your first time on the show?

[Tyler Cole]

It is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome, welcome. How long you been doing stand up?

[Tyler Cole]

Four months now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That chain's kind of tight, huh?

[Tyler Cole]

A little bit, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you. Are you.

[Brian Redban]

Are you a pitbull?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is going on?

[Brian Redban]

What exactly is happening over there? Is that the size that you want it to be?

[Tyler Cole]

I got the size wrong?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Why would you wear it? Why would you ever wear it?

[Brian Redban]

Did you just wrap Dedrick's grill around your neck?

[Tyler Cole]

It's like an auto erotic fixation thing.

[Shane Gillis]

You know something.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I guess.

[Shane Gillis]

You're trying to look cool, right?

[Tyler Cole]

He got me.

[Shane Gillis]

But once you put it on, weren't you like.

[Tadpole Triplet]

No,

[Tyler Cole]

I was like it.

[Shane Gillis]

I spent 50 bucks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How much?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How much did you spend on that?

[Tyler Cole]

50 bucks. He was right.

[Jack Shaw]

Wow.

[Brian Redban]

Ladies and gentlemen, Shane Gillis.

[Shane Gillis]

No. You don't think I've run into a tight chain? Take that thing off, dude.

[Brian Redban]

Where'd you get it? Like Hot Topic or something? Well, what is.

[Tyler Cole]

I did indeed get it at Hot Topic.

[Ari Matty]

Yes.

[Brian Redban]

Did you really?

[Tyler Cole]

No, I forget. I don't know.

[Brian Redban]

You forget where you got the chain

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

that squeezes your neck all day.

[Tyler Cole]

It's cuz it's so tight, I forgot.

[Shane Gillis]

Did you get it it when you were in fifth grade? Just grew into it. Like one of those African ladies neck thing.

[Brian Redban]

What part of New Jersey are you from exactly?

[Shane Gillis]

Tyler, his head's going to fall off if he takes it off.

[Tyler Cole]

I'm from Austin.

[Brian Redban]

Tony, born and raised in Austin.

[Shane Gillis]

Born and raised.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

With the pinky ring and a choker?

[Tyler Cole]

Yep. Leaning into it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. What ethnicity are you?

[Tyler Cole]

White.

[Brian Redban]

Just regular white?

[Tyler Cole]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Cold. Not Italian?

[Tyler Cole]

Just a buttered noodle.

[Tadpole Triplet]

Wow.

[Shane Gillis]

Not Italian?

[Tyler Cole]

No, not at all.

[Shane Gillis]

This is nuts. Dude.

[Brian Redban]

You're not Italian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Pinky ring and a necklace.

[Brian Redban]

Gabagool shirt. How does this happen?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Explain to us how this happened. What exactly? How did you end up trying to be Italian?

[Shane Gillis]

It's the chain. He bought the chain and it took over.

[Brian Redban]

He's a wagon. He's a wago instead of a dago. He's a Wago.

[Shane Gillis]

You are a way.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's a white dago. He's a wagon.

[Tyler Cole]

Just a big Sopranos fan.

[Brian Redban]

Well, so am I. You don't see me not getting blood to my brain because of it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tyler, what do you do for work?

[Tyler Cole]

I sell houses.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you really?

[Tyler Cole]

I do. Really?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Time shares?

[Tyler Cole]

No, houses.

[Brian Redban]

Regular houses.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Regular houses. Are you good at it?

[Kojak]

Pretty good.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, yeah. You see the drip? Yeah, I'd say he's doing all right.

[Brian Redban]

When's the last time you exactly. That you sold a house?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When you closed on a house. When was it?

[Tyler Cole]

It was in October. But I have a closing coming up tomorrow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, what are you closing on tomorrow?

[Tyler Cole]

Just a 2,000 square foot house in South Austin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What you sell it for how much?

[Tyler Cole]

380,000.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Tyler Cole]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

You?

[Brian Redban]

Hell, yeah, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Might be able to add a few links to that necklace.

[Tyler Cole]

Holler at your boy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Okay. What do you do? How long have you been doing stand up?

[Tyler Cole]

Four months.

[Brian Redban]

Four months.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What made you want to start four months ago?

[Tyler Cole]

Kill Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old are you?

[Tyler Cole]

31.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

31. And you've just been watching the show and you're like, I could do that.

[Tyler Cole]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Tyler Cole]

Been hitting open mics and getting booked by local promoters, and I love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you're taking it seriously. And you seem to be doing good at it. What do you do for fun when you're not doing stand up and selling houses and pretending to be Italian?

[Tyler Cole]

I like to shoot clays. And when it's warm out? Wakeboarding, Paddleboarding?

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. When you shoot clays, do you get the gun out of the bathroom first?

[Tyler Cole]

Yes.

[Brian Redban]

It's a God. Godfather reference. Jokes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. You shoot clays. What else did you say?

[Tyler Cole]

Lake sports.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Lake sports. Like what. What exactly?

[Tyler Cole]

Wakeboarding, Wake surfing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Amazing. Amazing. Tyler, what's your love life like? You have a. You have a little. Little chicken parmesan at home.

[Tyler Cole]

Single. Currently single.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When's the last time you had a girlfriend?

[Tyler Cole]

A few years ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Shane Gillis]

It's been a move.

[Brian Redban]

My.

[Shane Gillis]

Why are you fake Italian? Who the wants to be Italian?

[Joe Rogan]

Hey, what the.

[Shane Gillis]

Hey, take it easy, two wobs. Dude, you.

[Joe Rogan]

You're in a guinea sandwich right now.

[Tadpole Triplet]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Shane Gillis]

This is a crazy race to appropriate. What the acting like Polish.

[Tadpole Triplet]

What?

[Brian Redban]

I don't know.

[Shane Gillis]

I like being polish. What the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who compares the Italians?

[Shane Gillis]

Season two of the Wire. Now I'm a Pollock. Like, what the.

[Tyler Cole]

You're not Polish.

[Shane Gillis]

No. I do look pretty Polish. Yeah, pretty glaringly Irish, but whatever. Yeah, you don't see me wearing shirts about it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So this relationship that ended a few years ago, how did it happen? End.

[Tyler Cole]

Found out she was married.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. Okay. I love this. My God, am I good at these little interviews? How did you find out exactly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did you find out that she was. How long were you hooking up with her? Give us a ballpark here.

[Tyler Cole]

It was like nine months in that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She told me she Was nine months in. And she just told you?

[Tyler Cole]

Yeah, when we first started dating, she

[Brian Redban]

said that you weren't dating, you were fucking and hanging out sometimes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She was married.

[Brian Redban]

Go ahead.

[Tyler Cole]

When we first started fucking, she said she was divorced. And then nine months later she was like, oops, actually, I'm not divorced.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, where were you exactly when she told you this? Were you at a Best Buy, perhaps?

[Tyler Cole]

No, we were bartending together at a Club on 6th street and she told me while I was at work.

[Raul Vallejo]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. And that was that.

[Joe Rogan]

She must have been fun.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can you give us an example of the favorite?

[Joe Rogan]

Crazy bitch doesn't tell you she's married for nine months, guys. Yeah, Working alongside you and you. And let's go to dinner maniac. I bet she was so much fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can you give us an example of a fun sexual experience that you had with her? You guys ever bang at the bar or in the car? Outside?

[Tyler Cole]

We did in fact. Bang at the bar, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You banged at the bar? Yeah, the bar. Diggy, diggy, diggy said the boogie set up.

[Brian Redban]

Chop the boogie. Banged at the bar to bang.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Take us through this. How do you bang at the bar?

[Tyler Cole]

Just various locations, you know.

[Joe Rogan]

This is you guys closing? Yeah.

[Tyler Cole]

We had already closed like an hour ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. And she grabbed you by your chain and said, come over here.

[Brian Redban]

That's what it sounded like. It's. That's Tom Cigar after breaking his arm.

[Joe Rogan]

He was on my podcast today.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So let me ask you this. That rules sucks because you're at the bar, right? It's you, sir. You're serving beverages, but you're with a married woman. So where are you finishing? You have to. Is it inside or are you pulling out?

[Joe Rogan]

That's a really good question.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Yeah,

[Brian Redban]

there's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Every answer is bad.

[Joe Rogan]

Let's go.

[Tadpole Triplet]

Here we go.

[Tyler Cole]

She was on birth control, so. And.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, wow.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, cream pie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Special delivery, daddy.

[Brian Redban]

It's a fake cannoli. It's not actually a cream pie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a vegan.

[Brian Redban]

Cannoli was devastating

[Shane Gillis]

Some poor guy.

[Joe Rogan]

Poor guy eating her out.

[Shane Gillis]

Later comes home for the bar. He goes, how is your night?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Salty.

[Tadpole Triplet]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Italian?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Tastes like.

[Shane Gillis]

Why did you.

[Brian Redban]

Tastes like dairy free Alfredo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. My. My God.

[Joe Rogan]

Mountain house meal.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely incredible.

[Joe Rogan]

That's an evil world.

[Shane Gillis]

Evil world. Wife's been pied by a WP at the bar.

[Brian Redban]

Does the husband know about you?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did the husband ever find out? This is the billion dooll question.

[Tyler Cole]

I mean, they were separated, so they didn't live together. They Weren't remind how the do you know? I went to her house a few times.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa.

[Shane Gillis]

Together?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did they have kids?

[Tyler Cole]

No, no kids.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No kids. Yeah, but they got back together. She told you and she. You haven't banged since.

[Tyler Cole]

They did not get back together.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They didn't get back together, but she's still married. Okay, well, that's interesting. Yeah, that's a whole different kind of a happy ending. So then why would you.

[Brian Redban]

Why?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So I don't really get it. She tells you that she's fun.

[Joe Rogan]

Tony, just let a girl have fun. Yeah, Tony, you want to stomp out all the crazy people in this world and make everything boring?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, I just don't understand.

[Brian Redban]

Let her.

[Joe Rogan]

The guy at work. She yelled at you to come inside.

[Brian Redban]

I have no more questions. You're off.

[Shane Gillis]

Did she yell? Tell us.

[Brian Redban]

What?

[Raul Vallejo]

Do it. Tell me.

[Shane Gillis]

There's no point in here. I need to hear shit like this.

[Joe Rogan]

Come on.

[Raul Vallejo]

Paison

[Joe Rogan]

call you. What was her nickname for you?

[Tyler Cole]

There was no nickname.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, there was.

[Brian Redban]

It was the out of here.

[Shane Gillis]

Get the out of here.

[Joe Rogan]

This guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was the name of the bar

[Brian Redban]

that you guys were banging?

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, don't do it. Don't ruin everyone's life.

[Brian Redban]

Tyler.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The set was a perfect for four months.

[Brian Redban]

Pretty.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Pretty good. The interview. Unfucking believable.

[Brian Redban]

Here's a big joke book.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go.

[Brian Redban]

My friend Tyler Cole. A hell of a catch. Hell of an interview. Very honest. Remember you future Kill Tony Bucketfuls. We love an honest interview. Some people get scared. All right, this looks like a new name. This looks like a fun name. Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Diamond Debbie, everybody. Here comes Diamond Debbie. Oh my God. Let's go, Guys. You gotta do better than that. Make some noise for Diamond Debbie, ladies and gentlemen.

[Diamond Debbie]

Oh, blue haired ladies. We know things by this age. I know when I had too much to drink. Like you youngins. Cause diapers leak, y'.

[Lindsay Campbell]

All.

[Diamond Debbie]

I was a single mom with an only child. And I highly don't recommend that to any youngins either. If only I'd had a litter, surely one of them would have failed at life and wanted to stay home and take care of me. Hey, and what's all this about the T word? We had that T word back in the 60s, y'.

[Tyler Cole]

All.

[Diamond Debbie]

Tomboy. Most of us grew out of it. The rest became Yalls gym teachers. Well, I was looking for love in all the wrong places during the pandemic. I mean the nursing homes. But you know, the competition's pretty stiff. There are women outlive men and there's a lot of Debbies in there, I'm telling you. But by now, even the guys with dementia, after four or five times, they got it figured out. I'm not Debbie with the pop out plate. Nah, not me. They can see me coming. They just call me. Oh, bluechew. Well, that's it. When life beats you up and you gotta start over like I'm always having to do, I just say, jesus, take my joystick. I'm coming home. Thank you.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. Diamond Debbie. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Oh my goodness. This is your first time on the show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I would remember you well, you know,

[Diamond Debbie]

you've walked by me a few times in my chair, but you know, I'm, you know, crotch level.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Diamond Debbie]

Yeah, yeah. So I get overlooked a lot. This is my 111th signup.

[Brian Redban]

No fucking way.

[Diamond Debbie]

I have been. I, I have been first in line at least 90% of those times. And Tony, you've got to do some exercise. Your wrist never goes to the bottom of the bucket.

[Brian Redban]

You'd be surprised,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Diamond Debbie. How many centuries have you been doing stand up comedy?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, diamond, how come you didn't let Jack on that door? That was Titanic joke. No big deal, Rocky money.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's.

[Brian Redban]

She's either the girl from Titanic or the rock that she threw in the bottom of the ocean. I can't tell exactly.

[Diamond Debbie]

I'm a heavyweight.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, D Madness is making his move

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

right now, ladies and gentlemen.

[Diamond Debbie]

You know, D and I had a. An agreement. See kids, I grew up playing bass guitar, but I didn't have one at home to practice on. So he plays by ear and I only sight read, so it wouldn't be fair.

[Brian Redban]

Fuck yeah, Diamond Debbie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But seriously, how long you been on standup? 111 signups.

[Diamond Debbie]

But okay, I started in seven years ago and right the same month that I started it, I got run over. I got. My wheelchair. Is crash test approved by the DOT. A Tesla and me, it was going 45 miles an hour.

[Shane Gillis]

Got hit by a fucking.

[Diamond Debbie]

Elon Musk. Had been driving. I would be okay, but the dentist was driving. I never heard of a Tesla hitting a trash can.

[Brian Redban]

Hold on a second.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were in your wheelchair and you got hit by a Tesla going 45

[Diamond Debbie]

miles an hour crossing the street in my neighborhood. And that Tesla got messed up, honey. My, my tear was. My tear was laying on the ground and I was standing up at the end of the.

[Shane Gillis]

What we doing out the road?

[Brian Redban]

Well, you know, hold on.

[Diamond Debbie]

That, that's. That's something I want to talk about. Yeah, you know, it's odd, but we do have the right to go outside.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Diamond Debbie. This is incredible.

[Brian Redban]

She's only 25 years old. That's why she looks like.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Diamond Debbie]

No, honey, I got socks older than you.

[Brian Redban]

Damn right. And red band's like 55, so that's crazy. How old are you, Diamond Debbie?

[Diamond Debbie]

I'm 67 years old and on 1 11, and this is my 111th sign up. I'll be 68.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, look at that. 1 11, you're 68. One hundred and twelve. The new Netflix special Kill Tony.

[Brian Redban]

Once Upon a Time in Texas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Streaming live on Netflix. Give something to do the day after your birthday. How exciting is that?

[Diamond Debbie]

Sounds good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

If you make it there.

[Diamond Debbie]

Well. Well, I think my daughter's phone number is in your phone, so.

[Brian Redban]

Oh.

[Diamond Debbie]

But she hasn't talked to me in nine years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Diamond Debbie]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Her name? Little Debbie.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah. Very exciting. Can we get a phone unlocker? Very exciting, Diamond Debbie.

[Shane Gillis]

So you couldn't even hear that Tesla coming, huh? It just came out of nowhere. Or did you see it and you're

[Diamond Debbie]

like, oh, oh, she. She's a burlesque performer and she's very, very famous.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, your daughter is a famous.

[Joe Rogan]

Won't let it go. Tony, this is serious.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really? Trying to hook me up with her daughter. No, no, no cubic zirconium, Debbie, No. Okay, Debbie, let's talk about it. What the have you been doing the last 67 years?

[Diamond Debbie]

Well, my favorite thing is, see, I grew up in a day when women couldn't get car loans or buy houses, so I wasn't allowed to take. Take auto mechanics or shop. So my favorite hobby right now is taking in the quantum wheelchair like I have and fixing them up and giving them to people and helping them learn how to drive and go outside. Because, you know, we've been locked up too long in the pandemic, and without home health care, you can go get your own groceries. It's fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Diamond Debbie]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, wait.

[Diamond Debbie]

I get around. I got six and a half miles an hour in the E box.

[Shane Gillis]

Wait, you got hit on the road? Were you flying? Yeah, like, going somewhere. Were you on, like, moped?

[Diamond Debbie]

Well, you don't cross. You don't cross the street slowly in Austin.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, you were crossing the street. Well, I'm sorry. I thought the way you were talking, you were, like, going to, like, the grocery store. Just flying. Ripping. I'm sorry. I thought you were juicing those things up now.

[Diamond Debbie]

They do fly. Not here yet.

[Shane Gillis]

Sorry. You guys don't like it so good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Diamond Debbie, what made you want to start stand up comedy.

[Diamond Debbie]

Well, it's funny. I was doing Toastmasters and I like to give hour long speeches. And the guy that was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold on, hold on. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. What's Toastmasters?

[Diamond Debbie]

It's a organization to help you learn how to give speeches professionally. Right. And so I signed up with them because it was online and. But the friend told me that he could talk for an hour and all anybody remembers is a couple of jokes. So I thought, why don't I tell jokes instead? So that's what I did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, look at you. You're such a little charming lady. Where are you from?

[Diamond Debbie]

Oklahoma. Home is my home.

[Brian Redban]

Okay.

[Diamond Debbie]

I grew up in Oklahoma. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. And you drove your wheelchair all the way here?

[Diamond Debbie]

Yeah,

[Joe Rogan]

bro, you're going to hell because of this.

[Diamond Debbie]

Actually,

[Brian Redban]

you think, dude, if I go

[Shane Gillis]

up because of this.

[Brian Redban]

If I go up to the gates and they're just like. You remember this lady? It's Diamond Debbie. I'm gonna be pissed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All this.

[Joe Rogan]

That's the straw.

[Brian Redban]

Where'd you get your name, Diamond Debbie? Were you like a stripper at the Black and White Rose or something, or.

[Diamond Debbie]

No.

[Brian Redban]

No. Great question. Redband.

[Diamond Debbie]

That's a solid joke.

[Joe Rogan]

That's a solid joke. Black and White rose. That's a solid joke.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, I get it. I get it now. I'm so used to his jokes, not making.

[Joe Rogan]

Let the gems arrive.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What? How did you get the name Diamond Debbie? Well, a diamond lasts forever and you clearly won't.

[Diamond Debbie]

I've died.

[Raul Vallejo]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Redban]

We all die. What's going on? We all die. She's got a sense of humor. The bitch has signed up 111 times. If anybody can take a joke, it's her, not you fucking pussies.

[Diamond Debbie]

So I started writing my second book, which is Debbie Does Austin by Wheelchair. And the star of it was Debbie Diamond. So I'm Diamond Debbie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Shane Gillis]

Wait, so you wrote a book about.

[Diamond Debbie]

I'm writing a book called Debbie Does Austin by Wheelchair.

[Shane Gillis]

When's the Tesla chapter? Pardon?

[Diamond Debbie]

The Triple X chapter.

[Shane Gillis]

It's the next chapter.

[Diamond Debbie]

Well, I'm waiting for my happy ending.

[Shane Gillis]

I haven't had a Debbie dozen to Austin.

[Diamond Debbie]

I haven't had a date since I had my last pelvic floor.

[Shane Gillis]

So sorry. I'm basically.

[Brian Redban]

Hold on, hold on. Timeout. Timeout again. You haven't had a date since when?

[Diamond Debbie]

I had my pelvic floor vault.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Pelvic floor vault.

[Brian Redban]

Vault.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What does that mean?

[Diamond Debbie]

Bladder comes out and they put it back in it.

[Brian Redban]

Okay, don't laugh like that. Diamond diamond, don't look at me and laugh like that. It makes me laugh. I can't conduct my interview with you laughing like that. You're the cutest gremlin I've ever seen in my life.

[Shane Gillis]

So read it.

[Ari Matty]

Come out.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Diamond Debbie]

So I haven't had a date since then. Yeah, I haven't had a date since I moved to Austin 11 years ago. I tried to date this one guy, but he thought he was above me because he's in a roll later.

[Brian Redban]

He's in a what?

[Diamond Debbie]

A rollator. That's a walker with wheels on it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. Have you kissed a boy since moving to Austin?

[Raul Vallejo]

No.

[Brian Redban]

Well, well, well. You know what that means, everybody? We have another famous sign on the show. No, it's not D, Matt. No, not D. Don't do it, dude. Is there a guy out there that wants to be a legend and give Diamond Debbie her first kiss? This guy right here. Come on, look at this.

[Joe Rogan]

Look at that stud. Look at him.

[Brian Redban]

Watch out. Watch out for the camera right next to him. No, no, sit back down, you creep.

[Joe Rogan]

That's our guy.

[Brian Redban]

No, he's coming right here. Look at this guy. Oh, she's pissed. Oh, his girlfriend is not happy about this. Which means makes it all that much better. Diamond Debbie is about to get her first Austin kiss. Here you go, Diamond Debbie. Wait, she can sin. It's a miracle. Wait. Oh, my. Oh, my God. This is kill Tony.

[Shane Gillis]

It's all right.

[Raul Vallejo]

Crying.

[Shane Gillis]

No, it is. That was funny.

[Joe Rogan]

That was actually touching.

[Shane Gillis]

That was very nice.

[Brian Redban]

It was. Diamond Debbie, how do you feel after your first Austin kiss?

[Diamond Debbie]

I'm breathless.

[Brian Redban]

I love it. I love it. And that was before the kiss. That's incredible. Well, you know what's from emphysema?

[Diamond Debbie]

There's no guys my age awake this late at night, you know, with the big heart beat.

[Brian Redban]

Well, you might be surprised. Where's Joe White?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is Joe White out here?

[Joe Rogan]

She's three years younger than Ron White.

[Diamond Debbie]

I know, but he's taken. He told me. And you know what? I make brownies. Happy brownies. And they're Cam Patterson special. But I've taken them up to every white guy and not one of them will take candy from a stranger.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When you say the brownies are the Cam Patterson special, what exactly do you mean by that?

[Diamond Debbie]

They're peanut butter dark chocolate. It fudge mint with walnuts.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Damn.

[Shane Gillis]

They're weed in them.

[Diamond Debbie]

They have my medical prescription in them.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my God.

[Diamond Debbie]

When I started doing comedy on Monday nights when I came down here two years ago, it's the same night as my food pantry, and I got down to 80 pounds.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Diamond Debbie]

And they thought I had an eating disorder. But, you know, it's just. Kill. Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Diamond Debbie,

[Brian Redban]

I'm getting word that there's another boy that wants to kiss you. You want to kiss another boy, Debbie? All right, let's send out another one. I'm getting word that there's one more

[Joe Rogan]

time you gonna make this poor lady stand up.

[Raul Vallejo]

Tony, there's one more.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my God. Look at this. You say Brownie three times, Dedrick pops him out of nowhere. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.

[Joe Rogan]

I just got so hard.

[Shane Gillis]

Was that a first?

[Diamond Debbie]

That improved.

[Shane Gillis]

That was that first. First time with the black guy?

[Diamond Debbie]

Not my first kid.

[Brian Redban]

No, she was. She was with George Washington Carver back after he discovered the penis. Yeah, that's why she can't walk so good.

[Raul Vallejo]

Yeah,

[Brian Redban]

she was a marathon runner. But for her first blackout, I couldn't

[Diamond Debbie]

walk when I started. But it took so long to get up here, I learned to walk again. There's videos of me jogging now.

[Brian Redban]

I love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. I'm getting word that. That Dedrick just caught polio, Everybody.

[Brian Redban]

That absolutely incredible. Diamond Debbie, you are an instant legend.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I have somehow have run out of big joke books. Do we have more in the back? Great. They're gonna hand you one in the back. And, Diamond Debbie, you know, let's just. Let's just have you sign up again sometime. But why don't we just, like, time it out so that you don't have to wait out there with all these?

[Diamond Debbie]

And the worst part was waiting in the alley when it got cold. So cold. A couple of weeks ago.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh, my God.

[Diamond Debbie]

Nobody can hear me.

[Brian Redban]

Try again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I feel terrible.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, you should feel terrible, dude.

[Brian Redban]

There. For an hour.

[Joe Rogan]

Told you. You're going to hell. Tony, let me in.

[Shane Gillis]

I gotta start considering these people, dude. They really want to be a part of the show, and you treat them like garbage.

[Joe Rogan]

How about to get some warmers out there or something? Some kind of heater.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, hey, Heidi.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Well, there's one with the Virgin Mary on it. You probably went to high school with her, so I'll give you that one.

[Brian Redban]

Make some goddamn noise. How loud can this place get for Diamond Debbie? We have all different shapes and sizes of signups here tonight, and I fucking love it. 111 signups, and she finally got on tonight. That's absolutely insane. Defies the odds of the bucks. It. But it goes to show the bucket's real, or else I would have pulled Diamond Debbie out along. Even use cursive either. She has good handwriting. All right, you guys still having fun out there? Oh, my God. She forgot her cane. Everybody kiss number three.

[Joe Rogan]

Coming up, Shane Gillis, ladies and gentlemen. Let's go. Did you get. Kiss her.

[Brian Redban]

All right, this next bucket poll is from the inside. Everybody make some noise for Kelly Quinn. Where the hell's Kelly Quinn at? Oh, they got her already. Great.

[Q]

I lost my job. My husband suggested volunteering, but I feel like I've given enough back to society. I married a redhead. I used to be a radio dj. And not to brag, but I got loads of handwritten fan mail, all from jail. Prisoners must not have access to high quality paper. The pages were always stuck together. I have passionate fans. There's one inmate who had a clearly expressed crush on me. My husband asked me why I was saving all his letters. Evidence. My husband's retired Air Force. The hardest job I ever had was being a military spouse. Just all day, every day, banging out your partner's ptsd. And does the military recognize us?

[Jack Shaw]

No.

[Q]

And how could we after being banged that long and that hard? I'm Kelly Quinn, reminding you to be a patriot and service those who service our country.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. Kelly Quinn, one of the more serious sets of the night.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Kelly, welcome to the show. Kelly, this is your first time on, correct?

[Q]

I was on about a year and a half ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. I don't remember you with the. With the. With the new hat. I didn't know they made hats. And uncircumcised penis.

[Q]

Yeah, I've. I've been married 27 years. I've actually never seen an uncircumcised penis. So if this is what it is, it's pretty hot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is.

[Brian Redban]

Literally, it's been voted.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm getting word.

[Brian Redban]

It is the worst hat of all time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that's what the world is saying right now.

[Shane Gillis]

Paddington bomb. Come on, folks. Wake up.

[Brian Redban]

Instead of the bear.

[Joe Rogan]

Bear. Get it?

[Shane Gillis]

Instead of the Paddington bear, who has that hat?

[Jack Shaw]

That.

[Shane Gillis]

Where's Diamond? Dead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Go, Kelly, you were on a year

[Brian Redban]

and a half ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long you been doing standup?

[Q]

Three years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Three years. All of it here in Austin.

[Q]

I am actually. I live in dfw.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dfw? Hell, yeah. Okay. What do you do for work?

[Q]

So I own a small business. So when I lost my job in radio, I just. Just switched full throttle to that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And so the question remains, what do you do for work?

[Q]

I own a website called christmas cockpit.com. i run it off of Shopify.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, we love Shopify. We absolutely love Shopify. In fact, you can go to Shopify and start your own business. Not a lot of people know this, but Mattel and Gymshark and a lot of other companies all started with Shopify. Ladies and gentlemen. And on Shopify, you can wear that

[Shane Gillis]

hat at the men's march. Remember the hats? The women's march. That would be the hat you would wear at the men's march.

[Joe Rogan]

Stay with us, people.

[Shane Gillis]

God damn, dude. This I'm spitting out gold.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is incredible. You did it. And anyone can do it. Create email and social campaigns that reach customers wherever they scroll. Shopify grows with you.

[Brian Redban]

I love Shopify. That's right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Shopify.comKiltoni that's shopify.comKiltoni shopify.comKiltoni this year, Shopify will be by your side. Okay, Kelly Quinn, tell us the craziest thing about your life.

[Q]

I've lived in four countries.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What were the four countries?

[Q]

Japan, America, England and Italy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, which one do you like the most?

[Q]

America.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very good.

[Brian Redban]

That is the correct answer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long were you in Italy for?

[Q]

3 years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

3 years. And yet you don't have a pinky ring, a necklace, or a gabagools T shirt. Absolutely incredible.

[Q]

Where in Italy did you live, Emilia Romano? In Ferrara.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. Si, senorita. Very good. Kelly, you really have a redheaded husband?

[Shane Gillis]

No, you can't.

[Q]

When I married him, he was red headed, but as a Christian woman, I believed I could pray it away and I did.

[Brian Redban]

Just for men.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What happened?

[Q]

No, his hair just got dark. He just turned into a brunette.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What does he do for work?

[Q]

He's a pilot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. What exactly is christmascockpit.com?

[Q]

so I make stockings like out of Crown Royal bags.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so they're purple stockings.

[Q]

Some of them are. I did make special Kill Tony versions that I brought for you and red band.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice.

[Q]

That was like a month ago. Apparently they didn't make it to you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, we do have those. Yeah, no, we have. You guys got them hanging by the chimney with Paris.

[Shane Gillis]

You guys kept them both? You kept them?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, totally.

[Joe Rogan]

Oh my God.

[Shane Gillis]

Isn't that crazy? They just threw those out. Those nice gifts you gave them.

[Brian Redban]

No, we have them. We really do.

[Raul Vallejo]

We do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We.

[Brian Redban]

We took photos the other day and shared them with our families.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, absolutely. They are hung by the chimney with care that hopes that St. Nicholas will soon be there. Kelly, have you ever thought about making yourself a better hat?

[Q]

My husband picked this out for me, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, we can. We can tell. He definitely doesn't want you banging other dudes.

[Brian Redban]

It's very exciting. He's like, that hat is an instant boner killer. From now on, if I'm ever gonna finish with a gun girl too fast, I'm going to picture that hat. Just be like, oh, I'm going to last forever. That hat makes me want to not come.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, didn't get the laugh I

[Brian Redban]

thought it would, but thought that was funny.

[Shane Gillis]

It was funny.

[Brian Redban]

It was just picture a hat.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Some people picture their grandma. I will picture that hat. Kelly Quinn, you gave us a little stocking. You're leaving here with a little joke book. Congratulations.

[Brian Redban]

Merry Christmas.

[Shane Gillis]

I spiked it on Joe Rogan.

[Brian Redban]

Wow. How dare you hit a book at Lord Charizard like that? All right, back to the bucket we go. You guys still having fun out there? Goddamn motherfucking right. How about a hand for the lovely Heidi? This looks like an interesting name. Ladies and gentlemen. Make some noise for Tadpole triplet, everybody. Tadpole triplet. Oh, boy. Here we go. Make some noise for Tadpole triplet, everybody. Here we go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The clock has begun.

[Tadpole Triplet]

Do you ever walk into a room and not be the craziest in there? What the is that? I appreciate y' all giving me a little time out of your day. They don't let me out much. I need this shit, y'.

[Brian Redban]

All.

[Tadpole Triplet]

I've been in a really, really dark place lately, but I'm about to pay the electric bill, so the future is bright. But in telling Hunter Watt jokes up here, no, I am not Ted Kaczynski Jr. Y' all are insensitive ladies sliding in my DM. Talk about tadpole.

[Diamond Debbie]

Why don't you shave?

[Tadpole Triplet]

Look at Tadpole. So handsome. Why don't he shave? Because, y', all, if I shave, I look like I majored in lacrosse and fraternities, right? A little rapey. We don't want that. So instead, this is what y' all get. Look like a homeless mma fighter. Connor McBeggar.

[Brian Redban]

Tadpole triplet has arrived. Welcome to the show, Tadpole.

[Tadpole Triplet]

Who the is this guy

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

still tagging the Conor McBaker joke? I see set has ended. Welcome, Tadpole triplet. This is your first time on the show?

[Tadpole Triplet]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome, welcome. How long you been doing stand up?

[Tadpole Triplet]

39 years.

[Brian Redban]

Really?

[Tadpole Triplet]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've been performing on stage for 39 years?

[Shane Gillis]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old are you?

[Tadpole Triplet]

49. I'll be 49 in minutes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You started stand up comedy when you were 10 years old?

[Tadpole Triplet]

I did my first type 5 at a second grade talent show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you serious?

[Tadpole Triplet]

I swear to God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Okay, okay.

[Shane Gillis]

Wait. You were 10 in second grade.

[Tadpole Triplet]

Botox.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

That checks you out.

[Brian Redban]

Tadpole. Oh, Jesus. Oh, my God. Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tadpole triplet staring at Joe Rogan like he is the Liver King's angry son.

[Brian Redban]

I see a resemblance.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

One could say he's the Liver Prince, if you will.

[Brian Redban]

So, Tadpole, let's talk about it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've been doing standup comedy for 39 years. What else have you been doing? You look like perhaps some time in Vietnam or something like that.

[Tadpole Triplet]

Thank you. I appreciate it. I spent 20 years in Hollywood, Okay. Trying to be cute.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What were you doing in Hollywood?

[Tadpole Triplet]

Mostly a writer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Did you write anything that we might recognize? Perhaps some graffiti on a wall or something?

[Tadpole Triplet]

The i5 underpass? That's me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Why would I want to be. But what else? Anything creative.

[Tadpole Triplet]

My biggest success was the Tonight Show. Jay Leno.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You wrote that?

[Tadpole Triplet]

You second grade?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I explain to us.

[Tadpole Triplet]

I wrote for.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were a staff writer on the Tonight Show?

[Tadpole Triplet]

I was. I was staff and I wrote for the Tonight Show. I was assistant segment producer. But the guy I worked for had a lung transplant. I spent six months just in the writer's room trying to learn how to write a joke.

[Brian Redban]

Joke?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were it. In the studio in Burbank, California.

[Tadpole Triplet]

Burbank, California.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. How long was that boulevard?

[Tadpole Triplet]

It was 25 years ago. Bill Clinton was the president. Wow, him. Botox. You want Botox?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is incredible. 74 Now, Tadpole, you came out with a stool. Explain to us why you have a stool.

[Tadpole Triplet]

I got hit by a drunk driver and broke my neck. And this is physical, isn't it?

[Shane Gillis]

Tesla, was it? We gotta stop this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Brian Redban]

You have an actual neck brace. Took off the neck brace to perform.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have an actual broken neck?

[Tadpole Triplet]

Yes.

[Shane Gillis]

Wow.

[Tadpole Triplet]

I'm gonna try and tough it out and not put it on and look like a Joe Rogan. What, are you gonna tap out?

[Shane Gillis]

I'm gonna tap out.

[Joe Rogan]

No, put that thing on before you die. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Also for real, neck brace is the funniest thing. You can wear it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Tadpole Triplet]

I wear it about 50 of the time, but I was doing a minute and I wanted to give a little on it.

[Shane Gillis]

No, on stage would be very funny.

[Diamond Debbie]

For real?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

I swear to God. A neck brace is literally the funniest.

[Tadpole Triplet]

Before my minute to say, hi, world.

[Raul Vallejo]

No.

[Shane Gillis]

Toss that thing on, dude. I swear.

[Brian Redban]

How many you want him to put on the neck brace? Let's see it. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Kil. Tony's history. It's the first time we've ever seen a man put on a neck brace with a broken neck after performing. Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, this is incredible. So, Tadpole, tell us, how did life change? Got to get the beard out of there. Tadpole, explain to us what it's like having a broken neck.

[Tadpole Triplet]

You curl up in a ball like a crybaby for half the day, and then, and then you decide if you want to be a tough guy and do a little bit of something right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And that was that day or every day?

[Tadpole Triplet]

Pretty much every day for the last 12, 14, second grade, whenever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You got hit by a Tesla 12 years ago. I know.

[Tadpole Triplet]

No, that's all his idea. I got hit by it.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude, that's writers room. Yeah, that was actually.

[Tadpole Triplet]

Shane said I got hit by a Tesla. He threw a joke.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, wait. You got hit and.

[Tadpole Triplet]

Yeah, I got hit. I got hit by a drunk Russian diplomat's daughter of Bill Clinton. Russian diplomat's daughter.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, hold on.

[Brian Redban]

When.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What, when was this?

[Tadpole Triplet]

96.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

96. Did you, you get money from this?

[Tadpole Triplet]

I, I, I had to sue my grandfather's insurance to pay for my surgeries. Why is that funny?

[Brian Redban]

Holy crap.

[Joe Rogan]

The great mystery.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. What the is that?

[Tadpole Triplet]

I put all this effort into telling a joke and you laughed at my trauma. Holy Christ.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They gave you surgeries and you're still braced up? What else have you tried?

[Tadpole Triplet]

I, man, I, I'll. I, I wrote a book about my recovery, not about what happened, cuz I'm not ready for that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Everybody's got a book.

[Brian Redban]

Book?

[Tadpole Triplet]

I don't even have a book. I just made it up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you're.

[Joe Rogan]

You perpetually have to wear that brace since you were a kid?

[Tadpole Triplet]

No, I was almost 19.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This guy's.

[Joe Rogan]

Okay, so you're almost 19. You broke your neck then you're 46. You still wear a brace every day?

[Tadpole Triplet]

About 50. If, if I don't have something I can lean on, I, I didn't wear it tonight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, but you're.

[Tadpole Triplet]

If I can I. I sit on a stool when I try to do stand Up.

[Brian Redban]

Up.

[Joe Rogan]

What is the injury?

[Tadpole Triplet]

I'm fused front and back, C3 through

[Joe Rogan]

C7, all the way down.

[Tadpole Triplet]

The whole shit's titanium.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, wow.

[Shane Gillis]

Yo, that's kind of.

[Tadpole Triplet]

I got to go up and down, but I don't want to because it's around my brain stem and I got a little bit of smarts left, and I don't want to get strangled out by titanium.

[Shane Gillis]

I will say, though, you do have the coolest neck brace I've ever seen.

[Tadpole Triplet]

Thank you.

[Shane Gillis]

Most of them suck. That one's actually like a bottom of it. Like a stormtrooper mask.

[Brian Redban]

Like.

[Shane Gillis]

Like cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A mixer.

[Tadpole Triplet]

This is my dunk contest moment.

[Brian Redban]

Hold on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let me.

[Tadpole Triplet]

Let me get it up.

[Shane Gillis]

What's that? Do I.

[Tadpole Triplet]

It's like traction. It works like a traction machine. But I can't talk with it cuz it locks my jaw. So how you doing?

[Joe Rogan]

What's up? Sh.

[Tadpole Triplet]

What's up?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your story is absolutely incredible. Do you ever sit on a park bench and talk about how life's like a box of chocolates? I'm going to tell you what I'm going to do. It's something that I've never done before with anybody in the history of the show. But I'm going to pick up the tab on this. I want to see if the great people over at Ways Too well can possibly zip something into you that might be able to help you or give you some type of relief. We are friends with the great people at Ways2L.

[Brian Redban]

They provide unbelievable miracle like health care to people. And we're gonna see what happens. Probably not much since your neck's been broken as for like 30 years.

[Tadpole Triplet]

But they said I'd never walk. Now I can sprint and jump for like 90 seconds.

[Joe Rogan]

Don't do that. Yeah, definitely don't do that.

[Raul Vallejo]

Stop doing that right now.

[Tadpole Triplet]

I listened to them and I sat in a bed for a decade. Now I get up every day. Yes.

[Joe Rogan]

Don't break your neck again, mother.

[Tadpole Triplet]

Yeah, I'd be in a cage right now if I wanted that. I get a little taste of that again. But I'm not that retard. Oh, not that

[Joe Rogan]

you are that.

[Tadpole Triplet]

Just because my mother drove the short.

[Shane Gillis]

Hold on a second. Tadpole. Did you point at me and withhold from saying it? Cuz if so. That's very, very funny. Oh, never mind. I was giving you credit for a really great.

[Tadpole Triplet]

I would. I would never do such a thing.

[Joe Rogan]

All right.

[Shane Gillis]

You are funny.

[Jack Shaw]

All right.

[Shane Gillis]

Hell yeah. You got some merch there?

[Tadpole Triplet]

I got some merch.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Shane Gillis]

I see a tadpole on your shirt.

[Tadpole Triplet]

This is my bre. Breast cancer charity. Have a tadpole for humanity.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have a what?

[Tadpole Triplet]

Habitat Pole.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, it's. I get it.

[Shane Gillis]

For human titty. Humanity for human titty.

[Diamond Debbie]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Tadpole.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a wild boy, Tadpole.

[Tadpole Triplet]

Oh, thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You live here in Austin now?

[Tadpole Triplet]

No, I'm about 300 miles away.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Where are you?

[Tadpole Triplet]

Up near the Oklahoma border. Alvord. Decatur area.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Tadpole Triplet]

On the way to Wichita Falls. I'm not really there, but I'M there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Tadpole Triplet]

I was in LA for 20 years. The whole world shut down. Everyone got RiRi. And then I was like, my brother's got a house. I could live in the basement.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That makes sense.

[Tadpole Triplet]

Yeah, the basement's nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you have a girlfriend?

[Shane Gillis]

A wife?

[Raul Vallejo]

No.

[Tadpole Triplet]

They won't touch me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What are you talking about? You're not interested in the ladies.

[Tadpole Triplet]

Oh, I didn't say that. Putting words in my mouth. Oh, did I say that? I said.

[Joe Rogan]

You didn't say that.

[Tadpole Triplet]

I didn't say that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Tadpole Triplet]

Have a tablet for humanity, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it.

[Tadpole Triplet]

I'm trying to save all the titties.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What are we doing?

[Tadpole Triplet]

We're chopping them off and stuff. Get the out of here.

[Brian Redban]

Doing that.

[Tadpole Triplet]

No mas titas deletas. Cut it the fuck out. Cut it out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

See?

[Tadpole Triplet]

Cut it out. What are we doing?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You ever been in the military?

[Tadpole Triplet]

No. My whole family. I wasn't brave enough.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay.

[Tadpole Triplet]

I. I wrote jokes and dribbled a basketball for my life. I was pretty privileged.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were good at basketball.

[Tadpole Triplet]

Yeah, you know, little jump shot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep.

[Gordon Dixon]

Little.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Little bit of a grill in. I can't understand what you're saying.

[Brian Redban]

Tadpole.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Triple it.

[Brian Redban]

We are going to get your contact information. We're going to try to see what ways Dwell can possibly maybe do for you. They pull off miracles, but nothing's guaranteed. Here's a big joke book. You got that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You want me to get it in

[Brian Redban]

the hoodie, Hit him in the neck? Got it. Shane Gillis Going P. Brought to you by Bud Light. There's the lovely Heidi. And we're gonna get another bucket. Pull up here. 60 seconds uninterrupted. Going to Gordon Dixon, everybody. Here comes Gordon Dixon.

[Gordon Dixon]

Make some noise, Austin. Let's go. I'm 41. If that last dude was 46. He is up, bro. He got a knee brace from sucking dick. Dad.

[Brian Redban]

That guy, man.

[Gordon Dixon]

Thank you. Thank you, homeless dude. Anyway, I'm 40. I'm a 40 year old comic. I hang out with 20 year olds. I went to a strip club the other night. They were all making it rain. And I tried to pay for my lap dance with a checkbook. And I knew I was all. Exactly. Half of y' all don't know what checkbooks are. Fuck all young people. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The stripper was like, I want to make it rain. You gonna make it a rain?

[Gordon Dixon]

I'm like, how you spill candy with an ie or a Y? How you spell this? It's all right. Yo, it was 12,000. It was a bounce check. She's Never gonna pass that check, y'.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All, let's go.

[Gordon Dixon]

I'm celebrating my eighth year out of the service, so I'm having fun. I'm fucked up right now. Thank y'.

[Jack Shaw]

All.

[Gordon Dixon]

You don't have to clap, all right? You don't care about people in the service. Thank you. Thank you. I served as you. I served as a United States Jehovah's Witness, so for. Yeah, exactly. This is a rough night, y'.

[Brian Redban]

All. All right, that's.

[Gordon Dixon]

You guys like handicapped people more than you like half black people, y', all, man. Name is Gordon Dixon. My name is.

[Brian Redban]

All right. Thank you, Gordon Dixon.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Damn it.

[Gordon Dixon]

Joe Rogan.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Gordon.

[Brian Redban]

How are you?

[Gordon Dixon]

I'm good, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Before.

[Gordon Dixon]

Yeah, I've been on a couple times.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Time you're a little up. Yeah, yeah.

[Gordon Dixon]

I just got off work. Yeah, I work next door.

[Brian Redban]

It's my fault.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did you drink? Exactly? What did you do, Gordon?

[Gordon Dixon]

Every shot people bought me. Right there. Some people that bought me shot. There's another guy who bought me a shot. Yes. Fuck that, man. It's Austin, man. It's weird out here. You have to get fucked up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, you don't.

[Raul Vallejo]

All right?

[Gordon Dixon]

That's what I was told when I moved out here.

[Raul Vallejo]

All right?

[Gordon Dixon]

They fucking lied to me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My bad. All right, Gordon, you're kind of saying

[Joe Rogan]

you missed a lot.

[Shane Gillis]

Hot.

[Gordon Dixon]

He did, man. I'm glad Shane missed it. I'm sorry, Shane.

[Shane Gillis]

It's all right,

[Brian Redban]

Gordon.

[Gordon Dixon]

Joe, I know it's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You had to guess how many shots you did tonight before tonight's set. How many would you guess? Just a ballpark.

[Gordon Dixon]

A good strong three. I did a strong three.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, yeah, a strong three.

[Gordon Dixon]

But I'm old, so I shouldn't do any at all. I should stop drinking at this point. But it. You know what I mean, Austin.

[Brian Redban]

All right, Gordon, I'm gonna let you off easy tonight. I'm just gonna get you out of here with a little joke hook. There he goes. Gordon Dixon. All right, let's get one last bucket pull up here tonight. Make some noise for Lindsey Campbell, everybody. Here comes Lindsey Campbell. Here's Lindsay, everybody. We know Lindsay.

[Lindsay Campbell]

Hey, guys. Erica Kirk has been hanging out with Nicki Minaj lately. Have you seen that? She's trying to convince people that she's not racist. But she does run her fingers through people's hair. When she hugs them, you can tell she doesn't have a single black friend. So anyway, I had a miscarriage like, six months ago. A couple days after that, my husband was. He was fingering Me and he got on his hand what Google told us is gray pregnancy matter. Relax, guys. At least he got to hold our baby.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hi, Joe Rogan.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow. Absolutely incredible.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ladies and gentlemen, Lindsay Campbell.

[Brian Redban]

I loved it.

[Shane Gillis]

Thanks.

[Brian Redban]

A masterpiece. Hey, Red Band.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We know you well, Lindsay. You are married to the adorable little William Montgomery looking character, little chubby cherub boy the fans probably remember and know. So that's. That's. That's real, huh?

[Lindsay Campbell]

Yeah. Trey Campbell, Dr. Peppers. We got married on May 3rd, 2025.

[Brian Redban]

Hell yeah. Amazing. How's that going? Good.

[Lindsay Campbell]

It's going fucking awesome. I just keep bringing animals into the house and he just keeps trying to get rid of them, but going, well,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

other than that, what kind of animals? What are we about?

[Lindsay Campbell]

Talking.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Talking about?

[Lindsay Campbell]

We're up to five now. We have two dogs, we have two cats, and we have a snake.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Okay. Hell yeah.

[Joe Rogan]

Why the did she point at you when she said snake?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a good question. Yeah, she pointed at Red Band.

[Joe Rogan]

Pointed right at you, bro.

[Brian Redban]

What? What? What? I don't remember. I was drunk. What happened?

[Lindsay Campbell]

It's not a penis thing. I. I promise. I was talking about my snake and you told me that if I ever t. Brought into Mitzis that you would, like, throw the bag against the wall.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Throw the what against the wall?

[Lindsay Campbell]

You were drunk. I said I was gonna bring a. I was gonna bring a snake in a bag and have him touch it.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, yeah.

[Tyler Cole]

Without him knowing you got drunk and

[Shane Gillis]

said you're gonna kill her snake.

[Brian Redban]

Those of you that wonder what Red band's like after the show. The real what? A sack of real.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Real hoot.

[Brian Redban]

Nanny.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm gonna kill your snow snake. I love it. Lindsay, what do you do for work?

[Lindsay Campbell]

I'm a bellboy now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow.

[Lindsay Campbell]

Yeah, I work at a hotel. I make tips. So I offer to get people ice. Unless they're Mexican. Then I offer to abolish it.

[Brian Redban]

Wow, you're hilarious.

[Jack Shaw]

Thank you.

[Brian Redban]

You're a real comedian, Lindsay.

[Lindsay Campbell]

Thanks, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love that. What else is going on in life? Anything else crazy we should know about?

[Lindsay Campbell]

I just got a job for the first time in like six months. That fucking sucks.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's the bellboy thing.

[Lindsay Campbell]

Yeah, it's the bellboy thing. And then we got our dog, Spade. So she has a tattoo now. It's a swastika. It's cause she's a German shepherd. That's it?

[Brian Redban]

Hell yeah.

[Lindsay Campbell]

Sorry, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's amazing.

[Brian Redban]

Now I scuff her one to ten.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I give that joke a nine thank you.

[Brian Redban]

Nine, nine, nine, nine, nine. There you go. A little alley oop there. I like that. Oh, those are my balls, Shane. No way, Shane.

[Shane Gillis]

I would never do that.

[Brian Redban]

Shane, just tap my balls.

[Shane Gillis]

No, I did not.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, you did.

[Shane Gillis]

You wi. Hey, dude.

[Brian Redban]

Lindsay, we love you. A great set. Here's a big joke.

[Lindsay Campbell]

Thank you.

[Brian Redban]

Check out her good job.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Brian Redban]

Check out her cupcake company she always gives us.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah, that's the cupcake lady.

[Brian Redban]

Hell yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Obviously getting high on her own supply.

[Brian Redban]

Ladies and gentlemen, what an episode this has been. I mean, holy Gillis Lincoln Financial Field July 17th Rogan of the JRE there's only one way to end an episode like this. William Montgomery is already off on Christmas break. However, there is a young man whose dream it is of one day being a citizen of the greatest country on earth, the United States of America. But for now, he remains the Estonian assassin. This is Laurie. Matty.

[Ari Matty]

So everyone's terrified of AI.

[Brian Redban]

It's common.

[Ari Matty]

Like, what do you do for work, sir? Pest control business. You have like six months left. See, the secret is you gotta get a job that even AI doesn't want to do. Like roofing. Dude, under the Texas sun. Even AI is like, mmm. Miguel,

[Brian Redban]

Miguel, get up there.

[Ari Matty]

It's too fucking hot. My batteries are overheating. This is fucking ridiculous. This is inhumane. I don't know about stand up. I'm not sure. I think AI is too algorithmical to do stand up. Too perfect. People don't relate to perfection. People relate to mistakes. AI ain't about that life. AI ain't gonna say the N word. AI ain't gonna show his dick to the comedy club waitress. I will. AI standup is going to be all algorithmical.

[Brian Redban]

You know, like almond milk. How could it be milk?

[Shane Gillis]

They don't have nipples.

[Ari Matty]

Also, if AI is so smart, how come every time I try to log into a website and to make sure I'm not a robot, they ask me to identify three traffic lights in the picture? So you're telling me AI sees this puzzle.

[Brian Redban]

Fuck.

[Shane Gillis]

Retreat.

[Ari Matty]

So it gets flustered by traffic lights. But what the fuck is a waymo. That's my time. Thank you, guys.

[Brian Redban]

2 minutes, 45 seconds. Working overtime. Sentence night. And without a doubt, the best side of the night.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is incredible, Ari. Maddie, you've done it yet again.

[Ari Matty]

I kind of up the order of the joke. There's a whole different order, you know, when you just have to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. No one even. No one even noticed.

[Brian Redban]

Thank God. Only.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Only, you know, that's what's great.

[Ari Matty]

About this, the order was totally up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was there a callback that got left?

[Ari Matty]

There was everything that was undone and the ending was solved.

[Brian Redban]

Worked out great, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fucking amazing. What I love about this set, because it was so brilliant, so topical, so funny, such great delivery, so crisp, and yet I'll give a little behind the scenes inside scoop that I normally don't really ever do, which is that when we were flying back from that gig on Sunday, I said, by the way, Monday's gonna be fun. Rogan Gillis and you go, fuck. I've got nothing new.

[Ari Matty]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So I'm just curious, is that. Did you just fucking cook that up in the past 36 hours or what?

[Ari Matty]

Yeah, I went to some terrible gigs yesterday and I just bombed with it. But I knew it was logical. And if I get in front of a crowd that likes me, I knew. You know when you're bombing and you're like.

[Shane Gillis]

You know when you're bombing and you're

[Ari Matty]

like, well, somewhere there will be laughter. The sun will rise in the future.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What I love about that, 2 minutes, 45 seconds. You wrote that in 36 hours. We had a guy on stage earlier that's been doing it 39 years, and his minute wasn't nearly as strong.

[Ari Matty]

Yeah, that sucks about Stand up. That, like, he left with a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

With a. With a. With a diagnosis of stem cells.

[Shane Gillis]

That's why I wouldn't laugh about that pole, dude.

[Ari Matty]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

No, I can for real kill you.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, without a doubt.

[Tyler Cole]

All right.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Unless you touch him at all, and then which case, he will fall apart immediately.

[Ari Matty]

That's why, like, when I did mma, it was so cool to find out.

[Shane Gillis]

Real cool.

[Ari Matty]

Quick, if you got it, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Not a lot of people know that. Ari Matty, professional fighter. O&3. O&3. Career.

[Brian Redban]

But he knows how to shadow box,

[Ari Matty]

this guy real bad. Yeah, don't have it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is undefeated against the shadow.

[Ari Matty]

The shadow gets up every day, Joe.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's what we call Dedrick Flynn behind the scene. Ari, what else is going on, man? You're killing it.

[Ari Matty]

I don't know. I've been watching this series called Spy Ops. Have you guys seen. Have you watched Spy Ops? Amazing. I love the Mossad.

[Brian Redban]

Wow.

[Ari Matty]

Israeli Secret Service.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us.

[Gordon Dixon]

See.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, tell us more.

[Ari Matty]

I will

[Kojak]

see.

[Ari Matty]

Like usual, Secret Service, CIA, micro. They gather information and then they kill the guy. Like with cyanide or they poison the soup. Nobody even knows what happened. Mossad gathers no information and they just blow up the whole building. Mossad always has civilian casualties,

[Shane Gillis]

but then

[Ari Matty]

always they're like, well, statistically, you know. Dude, there's this one episode, okay, there was this one episode. They were after a guy who's a Palestinian terrorist, member of the Black September. They did Munich, Remember? Munich? The big one.

[Shane Gillis]

Until.

[Joe Rogan]

Yeah.

[Ari Matty]

Worst thing to happen on German soil to Jews, you know?

[Shane Gillis]

So.

[Ari Matty]

So they're after one of the leaders, okay? And they find him in Oslo, Norway, disguised as a pizza delivery guy. Great disguise for a terrorist. You have a bicycle. Bing, bing. You got some pizza boxes filled with fucking C4.

[Shane Gillis]

You know?

[Ari Matty]

You're meeting creepy guys in the alley. You're a fucking pizza guy. So the Mossad tracks this guy down. They pull up on him in a car in Parliament Square, downtown Oslo. Blow his head off with a shotgun. Brains go flying into the guy's friend's hands. They collect the brains, you know? The Mossad disappears. Successful mission. You would think. Six months later they find out, wrong guy. Regular pizza guy.

[Shane Gillis]

Imagine you're at the funeral and your

[Ari Matty]

parents are like, what did my son do? Black September. But of course. See that? But the downside about the Mossad is they always get caught. How those guys got caught is after they blow the guy's head off, they took the car back. Back to the rental agency. That's how Jews get caught. The deposit.

[Brian Redban]

Jesus, God, Ari. Maddie.

[Shane Gillis]

They should have. They should have kept that. You ever see the movie Munich? It's about that. It's about the massage, all the guys.

[Ari Matty]

It'd be weird if a movie would know.

[Shane Gillis]

Funny if they included that. That scene.

[Brian Redban]

Oh.

[Shane Gillis]

Cuz the whole time they're like, man, these guys are so sly and smart and. Yeah, should have had one scene where they're like, there's that boom. It was just a guy.

[Ari Matty]

Yeah, they had like one guy they were after in an apartment building, but they didn't nail, which they tried to nail, which floor it was on. They're like, the whole building goes.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ari Matty]

They don't give a. The Mossad is crazy. Joe, don't upset the Jew.

[Brian Redban]

Goose.

[Shane Gillis]

Where's that yamaka?

[Brian Redban]

Huh?

[Shane Gillis]

Put it on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's that put on?

[Shane Gillis]

The yamaka?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, the yamaka's gone.

[Shane Gillis]

You threw it out?

[Brian Redban]

No, I had it. I had it sent away and put

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

on top of my Christmas tree.

[Shane Gillis]

Anti Semitism. There it is.

[Ari Matty]

Hold on.

[Shane Gillis]

A KT Yamaka. That's crazy.

[Brian Redban]

Get the out of here. I'm going to put it on you.

[Shane Gillis]

No, I. Yeah.

[Brian Redban]

Whoa. Wow.

[Shane Gillis]

Don't wave like that, Red.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my God.

[Ari Matty]

By the way, that guy just went, hi, Hitler. There's a guy in the crowd who

[Shane Gillis]

just went like this. That's not good. That's not good.

[Brian Redban]

Second most Jewish thing Red band's done this week. Next to take coupons into a world. Wendy's with him. No. Shane goes. Is that true?

[Joe Rogan]

It's a Ben Shapiro joke in here somewhere. Like Ben Burrito.

[Brian Redban]

Oh, my God, Ari. Maddie, what can I. I say the set of the night, the interview of the night. Catch him on Monday on Netflix.

[Ari Matty]

I'm on tour.

[Brian Redban]

Yeah.

[Ari Matty]

Tickets are really low. Ari.matty.com.

[Brian Redban]

for the love of God, go to ari matty.com. see this man's full length set? You're not going to believe it. If you love a minute, you'll love his hour. The drawing from Ryan Je Belt is in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is indeed Joe Rogan and Shane Gillis. Let's see what Chris Rogers Rogers drew over there. Oh, it's a Shane Gillis.

[Ari Matty]

Look at that.

[Brian Redban]

Hell yeah. Look at that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a.

[Brian Redban]

It's a very nice picture of you.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, thanks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, look at that.

[Shane Gillis]

Thanks, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He gave you a little.

[Joe Rogan]

Put that above your bed.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, yeah. Tell the girl. Go look at that. Don't look at my real face.

[Brian Redban]

Shane Gillis, ladies and gentlemen, July 17, 19th, 2026 Lincoln Financial Field. The biggest stand up comedy show of all time. How about one more time for the man himself, Joe Rogan. Next Monday. Go to Netflix. Watch the whole goddamn thing. Tell everybody that you know. Watch Kill Tony. Once Upon a Time in Texas, filmed live at the Moody center on New Year's Eve, airs on Netflix next Monday. We will not be here on YouTube. We will be only on Netflix and then back on YouTube the next week.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, man, we did it.

[Brian Redban]

What an episode. How about one more time for the best damn band in the land? Check out their single Pandemonium. Everywhere where music is available. The Kill Tony Band.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And we did it, Red Band.

[Brian Redban]

Love you guys. We love you. Catch us on Netflix next week. Good night, everybody. Party.

[Shane Gillis]

She's wide awake in her whiskey hole.

[Brian Redban]

The Sunset Strip comedy club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.