#764 - JELLY ROLL + THEO VON

Summary

KILL TONY #764 — JELLY ROLL + THEO VON
Recorded Live at Comedy Mothership, Austin, TX — April 14, 2026

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Episode Overview

This hilarious, freewheeling live episode features world-famous comedian Theo Von and Grammy-winning musician Jelly Roll joining hosts Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redban on the panel at Austin's Comedy Mothership. Over the course of the night, up-and-coming comics pull their names out of the bucket for one minute sets, followed by panel interviews full of unpredictable riffs, roasts, and behind-the-scenes stories about comedy, music, and life on the road. Amidst the chaos, there's love and wisdom—plus memorable appearances from Kill Tony regulars, standup newcomers, and surprise guests like Lil Mozzarella.

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Key Segments, Guests & Themes

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1. Panel Introduction & Setting the Stage

[03:23 – 05:44]

• Tony Hinchcliffe welcomes the audience, hypes up the panel.
  • “Two of my favorite human beings on planet Earth. One's one of the biggest comedians, one's one of the biggest musicians in the world. Give it up for Theo Von and Jelly Roll.” [03:32]
• Upcoming projects: Theo's movie "Busboys" (out Friday), Jelly Roll shows at the Greek Theater and in Austin.
• Theo's movie: Self-produced, independent comedy. Theo: "We made it ourselves, so we'll see how it is. But it's better than a lot of bad shit." [05:37]
• Jelly Roll’s panel debut: “Yes, longtime listener, first time caller.” [06:00]

Tone: Hyped, inclusive, raucous, celebratory.

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2. The Regular — Dedrick Flynn gives a new minute

[07:09 – 12:15]

• Bit about debt: “I know Sprint. I don’t know you.” [07:11]
• Story about starting comedy with encouragement from friend Teddy Swims: “We were both just two broke motherfuckers… He said, you’re the funniest person I ever met, you need to do something with it.” [10:41]
• Emotional honesty: “It’s just a beautiful fucking thing.” [11:20]
• Panel riffing: Theo on “black people loving sweets,” introspective on swimming and learning new skills late in life.

Memorable moment: Dedrick nearly tearing up about perseverance and friendship.

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3. First-Time Standup — Michael A. Keatson

[12:51 – 19:10]

• Stand-up material: Disability jokes, living in a car.
• Interview reveals:
  • Heavy manual labor injuries, Kansas City native.
  • Now on disability, travels to Austin to pursue stand-up.
  • Builds a bed in his RAV4; panel teases about dating and love life.
  • Jelly Roll asks about Tech 9 and music; Michael responds as a fan.
• Fun fact: Can’t play guitar any more due to nerve damage.
• Panel support: “You did it. You got through it. You’re leaving here with a big joke book.” — Tony [19:10]

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4. Standout Guests in the Bucket

a) Sherry Basici

[22:37 – 29:24]

• Iranian-American comic, riffs on culture shock, family, and modern dating.
• Honest take on Iran's struggles: “I'm excited for the freedom that's about to come.” [24:42]
• Reveals: paralegal day job, likes “tall, white, younger men,” jokes about Middle Eastern dating app.
• High-energy panel banter about music, food, and dating.

b) Ethan Griggs

[29:52 – 37:20]

• Self-described poor Texas farmer’s kid, laughs about inherited porn collection and Circle K employment.
• “I like my women like I like my trucks: large and black.” [35:35]
• Shares DWI story, chat about country life vs. working in Austin.

c) Charles Haycock

[41:32 – 49:08]

• Canadian comic, dry humor about autism diagnosis and dating drought.
• Nine-year dry spell, brief crush on an Amish girl — “They have so many dads and they looked at me like there's no fucking chance.” [47:09]
• Surreal panel riff on Yo-Yo community drama; in-house yo-yoer Cole does tricks on stage.

d) Lil Mozzarella

[50:18 – 61:35]

• High-energy NYC Italian comic; riffs on food, accents, and New York-Jersey rivalries.
• “I'm the only real Italian left.” [54:46]
• Explains cultural stereotypes, cracks everyone up with stories about food, family, and observing stereotypes in the men’s room: “I look at people's dicks in the urinal once in awhile. Not because I'm gay...” [59:13]
• Tony invites him to the Madison Square Garden show: “I'm on top of the world. Hell, yeah. How you doing, Lil Mozzarella?” [61:25]

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5. Newcomers’ Highlights

a) T. Austin

[63:38 – 69:17]

• Boisterous bits about world destruction scenarios and working as a grocery store sample guy.
• Retired drug dealer, now hands out food samples: “People with a lot of money be mean as hell.” [67:28]

b) Brian Stupak

[69:47 – 78:09]

• Standup material on double standards and cultural impressions.
• Fascinatingly weird stories: “I tried to walk Africa before that… kept getting robbed.” [72:17]
• Includes literal physical demonstration with Jelly Roll!

c) Luke Robinson

[79:06 – 87:22]

• Obsessed with dogs, lost three to cancer, walked 4250 miles across America for charity.
• “Austin to Boston was the best... nothing you see on TV could speak to that experience.” [83:02]
• Formed cancer prevention nonprofit Puppy Up and detailed struggles with post-weight-loss self-image.

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6. Notable Interview Exchanges

Jelly Roll & Nicknames
— “They were going to call me Fat Beck at first but... my mama didn’t know the difference between a jelly donut and a Jelly Roll.” [91:01]

Theo Von & Tony Hinchcliffe Quick Hits

• Roasting traditions (Tony reads off old roast jokes for Jelly Roll) [92:21]
• On Yo-Yo subculture: “The woke yo yo mob!” [48:08]
• Theo's accidental car/DUIs: “This cop's looking under the hood with me of somebody else's car...” [37:57]

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7. Dark, Real & Heartfelt

Anthony Martin

• Wildest story: Announcing a tenant’s suicide to his mother; coping with the trauma and office jokes about hauntings. “I was sitting on the ground holding her hand while she, by the way, wails. I’ll never be able to forget…” [107:02]

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8. Last Comic Energy Boost

Gabriel Adam
[109:22 – 118:55]

• New to Austin, only been doing stand-up for a month and a half.
• LSD stories, awkward riffing on looking for love; confesses he signed up for Sex Addicts Anonymous just to meet women.
• Classic Kill Tony bit: Audience member Heidi comes on stage to give him his "first Austin kiss."
• Jelly Roll: “I wish you the best, brother... I think you're going to kill it.” [118:54]
• Tony encourages him: “Anyone who has a good eye for premises this early on, you'll always get better.” [118:55]

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9. Special End Act — Ari Matty (“Estonian Assassin”)

[121:25 – 130:12]

• Blistering set about compulsory military service, American draft, racism, and culture shock.
• “In Estonia, everyone goes. Wheelchair people, we send them. We put a grenade in your lap...” [121:57]
• Unique European perspective on Miami, brawling over bungalows, Nike outlet experiences.
• Jokes about getting "more racist" after moving to America.
• The crowd is in stitches as the episode closes.
• Jelly Roll and Theo reflect on weight loss and cultural differences.

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Notable Quotes & Standout Moments

• Jelly Roll (on weight loss):
  “If you’re dying fat, dude, anything to get the weight off. Shoot the shot, baby.” [125:49]

• Theo Von (on Kill Tony energy):
  “I needed this today. Thank everybody for being here. Praise God.” [131:15]

• Tony Hinchcliffe (on perseverance):
  “Anyone who has a good eye for premises this early on, you'll always get better at doing it and writing it in your way.” [118:55]

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Memorable Banter & Tone

• Entire episode oozes chaotic fun, heartfelt moments, and off-the-cuff authenticity.
• Running themes: American dream (making it in comedy/music), resilience after setbacks, cross-cultural mishaps, and the power of friendship.
• Theo Von’s quirky, soulful monologues contrast with Tony’s biting wit and Jelly Roll’s folksy wisdom.
• Panel warmth: guests cheer each other on, offer real feedback, and erupt in laughter or applause at every set.
• Signature Kill Tony inclusivity—raw energy, unpredictability, and moments that could only happen on a live stage.

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Summary Verdict

Kill Tony #764 is a riotous, multi-layered showcase of standup’s cutting edge, full of surprise guest wisdom, honest storytelling, and raucous unscripted fun. With both Theo Von and Jelly Roll in rare form—and a parade of bucket comics delivering everything from side-splitting bits to genuine pathos—this episode encapsulates the wild and unpredictable magic that makes Kill Tony the world’s #1 live podcast.

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TIMESTAMPS: Navigate the Episode

• [03:23] Panel intro and star plug
• [07:09] Dedrick Flynn: emotional opener
• [12:51] Michael A. Keatson: dark comedy and perseverance
• [22:37] Sherry Basici: Iranian culture and dating
• [29:52] Ethan Griggs: farming, porn, and Circle K
• [41:32] Charles Haycock: autism, Amish girls, and yo-yo wars
• [50:18] Lil Mozzarella: high-octane Italian stories
• [63:38] T. Austin: world-ending strategies and grocery store samples
• [69:47] Brian Stupak: the linguist’s journey across Africa
• [79:06] Luke Robinson: dog cancer walks and weight loss
• [88:03] Matt Campbell: British nicknames and expat tales
• [98:07] Anthony Martin: dead bodies and Portland migration
• [109:22] Gabriel Adam: LSD, Sex Addicts Anonymous, live-kiss
• [121:25] Ari Matty: Estonian war jokes and America vs. Europe
• [130:59+] Final thanks and reflections

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Transcript

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is Redneck coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get it for Tony Hitchcock. Who's ready for the best night of their lives, huh? Thanks so much for Brian Red Band, ladies and gentlemen. And man, it's the best damn band in the land. Fernando Castillo, Raul Valeo, Carlos Sosa, Michael Gonzalez, Nachos Belgrande, Matt Muling on the electric guitar. Make some noise for the band. John D's on the keys. And this right here is D Mad live in the flesh. Ladies and gentlemen, this episode of the world's number one live podcast is brought to you by Shopify, Talk Space Prize Picks and Quo. What an amazing show we have for you. You guys excited to be here? Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made tonight's show possible.

[Theo Vaughn]

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[Tony Hinchcliffe]

entertain all season with the Hampton Bay

[Theo Vaughn]

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[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thanks for listening to Kill Tony. Listen to and follow Kill Tony on Amazon Music or just ask Alexa play the podcast Kill Tony on Amazon Music. Also with Amazon Music Unlimited, you can now listen to your favorite music, podcasts and audiobooks all in the Amazon music app.

[Theo Vaughn]

Welcome to the End everybody.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's a storytelling show. Me and my comedian friends, we're all telling true and really terrible stories into a toddler's face. Wild threesome time.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Regretful every std, Horrible.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm gonna fuck you up. And amazing stories.

[Dedrick Flynn]

We just got started.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm gonna stop the terrorists. You're in trouble, best friend. Comedy, huh? This is gonna be a good night. It's gonna kill us all. Come on. You should be in jail. Hey, man, are you okay?

[Jelly Roll]

I actually do.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Well, you don't fucking talk to.

[Dedrick Flynn]

I'm a disciple of the Lord now.

[Theo Vaughn]

You missed the spot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did I get here? How did this happen? That's a good question.

[Theo Vaughn]

You guys ready to start the show?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys ready to start tonight's show or what? Every single episode I book and this one is very, very special. Two of my favorite human beings on planet Earth. One is one of the biggest Comedians in the world. The other, one of the biggest musicians in the world. Two of my favorite human beings. Two of your favorite human beings. One has a brand new movie coming out this Friday. The other one just won a shit ton of Grammys and every award humanly possible known to man. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Kill Tony. I present to you Theo Vaughn and Jelly Roll. Yeah, Jelly Roll is in the house. Oh, my God. This is Kill Tony. Busboy is out this Friday. Oh, yeah, it is going down. Ladies and gentlemen, Theo Vaughan's new movie Busboys, out this Friday, April 17th. Jelly roll and I together are doing the Greek Theater in Los Angeles May 8th. And he's here in Austin on April 23rd. How cool is that? We have some big plans for the future. Theo, you're the fucking man. Welcome back to Kill Tony.

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah, thanks for having me. Nice to see everybody. Happy evening. Yeah, man, I'm excited to be here and yeah, excited about the movie coming out this week. So that's. That was something. Yeah. So I'm definitely. I'm a little bit nervous, but I am excited and that's what I'm doing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We are very excited to have you here. Go out and see the movie Busboys in theaters. If you do more, comedians like Theo will be able to make their own movies without the big giant studios and all this crap and people in the way. And it can happen more often. We'll get back to making real comedies that you can go see in movie theaters. Wouldn't that be great?

[Theo Vaughn]

Thank you, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Go, Theo, go.

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah, we made it ourselves, so we'll see how it is. But it's better than a lot of bad shit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right. Theo's been on the show numerous times. Jelly Roll has been a musical guest multiple times. But it's Jelly's first time on panel tonight, everybody. This is the first thing he's done since the Grammys.

[Jelly Roll]

Yes, longtime listener, first time caller.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Well, let me just remind all of you about 250 human beings signed up to for the opportunity to be on tonight's show. We're not going to get through all of them, but if we get through any one of them, they get 60 seconds on this stage to attempt stand up comedy. You know, their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then. Or else eventually they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which just interrupts their set. I conduct an interview. The entire thing is improvised. Anything could happen. Are you guys ready to start tonight's show or what? Well, we go wrangle that first bucket pole. Going to start the show with one of the regulars on the show. That means this young man has the very, very tough job of writing and performing a brand new minute every single week on this show. Not easy at all. It scares a lot of people the thought of that. And he does it. And above and beyond every week. Starting off tonight's show, he's formerly the Dark Storm of Atlanta. He's now the Dark storm of Austin, Texas. Make some noise for Dedrick Flynn, everybo.

[Matt Campbell]

What's up, y'?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All?

[Dedrick Flynn]

Did y' all know that a company can buy your debt from somebody else? Jefferson Capital emailed me and they said, hey, we bought your debt from Sprint. You owe us money now. No, nigga, you bought it. That's yours. Now. If I leave a dog outside and you adopt the dog, it's not on me to feed the dog, right? That's not America. That's your dad. Now. I know Sprint. N. I don't know you. I know Sarah at Sprint. Sarah know why I couldn't pay and why I was putting something on it. Jefferson Capital. Nigga, I can't even Google y'.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All.

[Dedrick Flynn]

I'm never gonna. What the. What kind of a stupid ass company buy debt from other people? That's the same niggas that go online and they feed the homeless on HD cameras. What kind of shit you think I'm gonna, nigga, I see Sprint commercials every day and I go, I owe them niggas. They'll never see it. I don't. How dare you come to me like Jesus didn't. When Jesus paid for our sins. That nigga never sent me an email. Being the adultery that you made last week, that's my time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. He's done it again. A brand new minute 30 working overtime. Dedrick Flynn. How fucking awesome is that? That's as fucking. You have another one. You never take a week off.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Never.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you just keep doing it. Every. Every time I bring you out. I get a little more nervous each time and I have nothing to be afraid of.

[Dedrick Flynn]

You gotta let that go, don't it? I don't duck no smoke. I to come out here and rip every single.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely love it. Dedrick. Buying debt is something that happens, yet I've never heard anyone joke about it. Fantastic new material. Absolutely incredible.

[Dedrick Flynn]

I'm trying not to cry right now. My bad, Tony.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Just.

[Michael A. Keatson]

Just jelly.

[Theo Vaughn]

Nick, Black people love sweets.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, we do.

[Dedrick Flynn]

We do. Did you dye your hair?

[Brian Stupak]

Oh,

[Dedrick Flynn]

so it looks like shit on purpose. All Right. Come on. I'm not doing that. That's a joke. I don't roast.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Be nice, Dedrick. Be nice to the guests.

[Dedrick Flynn]

I'm sorry, Jelly Roll. It mean a lot for me to see you tonight. Because you do songs. One of my best friends had told me to start doing comedy. Teddy Swims. And we were both just two broke motherfuckers in southside Atlanta. He told me to start doing comedy. I told him to start doing a band. And now look at both of our fucking dream. That is crazy to me.

[Jelly Roll]

Teddy is the homie. Homie too. I love you, Teddy, baby.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But yeah, Teddy, that's bad. Help me become friends with Teddi Swim. Since you can't, we.

[Dedrick Flynn]

It's not my fault I can't. I just never had the opportunity when I wanted to learn. Cause you only want to learn swimming at the early ages. After that, it's just drowning or not drowning.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right?

[Dedrick Flynn]

And so that. But he wasn't swimming. But he was just Teddy. When we was growing up, it was always like, Teddy and Daddy, like, it's my homeboy. When I met him, he was Jayden and then he went by Teddy. And it was always like Teddy and Teddy coming out. And like in south side, we were always like running around with the same crews and stuff like that. But he was just singing like, just like open mic karaoke. And I was like, bro, you have the best voice I've ever heard in my life. You need to do something with it. And when I said that, he said, you're the funniest person I've ever met. You need to do something with it. So that's honestly what kept me going through signing up for kill Tony 39 times. It's just like the day I got picked. When I walked out of the Uber, they were playing Lose Control and I was crying and being like, if my best friend can make it, I can make it too. We drank the same water, we ate the same food. We fucking grew up in there. It's just a beautiful fucking thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sounds like a jelly roll award acceptance speech happening.

[Jelly Roll]

Testify, baby, testify. Gave us a little Jesus.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah, I give a lot more Jesus than that. I said we was in south Atlanta. We was sitting over there with nowhere to go, drinking the four Locos with the caffeine in it. I said, drinking the four Locos with the caffeine in it. I said, drinking the four Locos. We didn't hear you, Pastor identified. I said. I said, not a little bit. I'm saying all of the caffeine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Unbelievable. Dedrick, you got the show started yet again. Unbelievable work. And it has begun. And now we begin the amazing adventure in to the bucket we go. This is where Anything Can Happen. Could be the next great talent, could be the next crazy person that signed up for the show without preparing. Anything Can Happen. Make some noise for your first bucket poll of the night. Michael A. Keatson, everybody. Michael A. Keatson.

[Michael A. Keatson]

You know how embarrassing it is to be named after a Batman and having to hobble out here like the penguins? Oh, man, it's like. It's an interesting life. Like, so many people, like, they assume that they know what my politics are gonna be. Just, they're like, look at this guy. It's like he has to lean right. Oh, man, you guys are fun. I became a homeowner recently.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Michael A. Keatson]

Thank you. Thank you. It's a RAV4. Oh, man. I live in it, so it's more of a RAV4.

[Luke Robinson]

Okay.

[Michael A. Keatson]

Oh. I'm getting older in my life. Like, you know, I've gotten to the point, I think, like, my favorite candy now are cough drops. You know, they're just menthol flavor. Jolly Ranchers. You know, I've hit the point in my life where it's like, I'm pretty sure the only reason I masturbate is for prostate health.

[Brian Stupak]

You know?

[Michael A. Keatson]

Like, my partner walks in on me. He's like, what are you thinking about? I'm just sitting there, like, cancer.

[Lil Mozzarella]

All right, thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. Michael A. Keatson, this is your Kiltoni debut, correct?

[Michael A. Keatson]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'd remember if I've seen you before. Theo, what do you think about this guy?

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah, I think he's great. I think. Sorry, that's just a reaction. Let me think. What I. No, I think it's crazy to have a wooden leg and look like a guy who could make a wooden leg.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you do have cobbler energies. There's no doubt about it.

[Michael A. Keatson]

Oh, man. Thank you.

[Anthony Martin]

You.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's your injury?

[Michael A. Keatson]

A lot of them, actually.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Michael A. Keatson]

Like, you know, it's like, I've got snap fascia in one foot. Like, you know, like spinal injury, shoulder scarring, a bunch of things.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did this all happen to you?

[Theo Vaughn]

Were you in sports or something?

[Michael A. Keatson]

I did heavy, heavy manual labor for a long time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of manual labor?

[Theo Vaughn]

Probably building data centers.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely.

[Michael A. Keatson]

No, I. Like, I. I threw mattresses for a while, and after that, like, I worked in a flower mill throwing flower bags and, like, whatever else they needed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Amazing. What,

[Theo Vaughn]

were you at a bakery? Who was asking you to do that. I'm sorry, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, it's good.

[Theo Vaughn]

Who was asking you to do that?

[Michael A. Keatson]

Oh, like, whoever managed the flower mill.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your partner? Luigi?

[Michael A. Keatson]

Yes. No, he was jumping around too much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was hell, yeah. How old are you?

[Michael A. Keatson]

41.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

41.

[Theo Vaughn]

You look great, man.

[Michael A. Keatson]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What do you do now?

[Michael A. Keatson]

I limp. All right.

[Brian Stupak]

Like.

[Michael A. Keatson]

Like I'm on a disability.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude, how long you been doing stand up?

[Theo Vaughn]

You know that, bro? How many people. How many people in your neighborhood was getting that wobble check,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

bro?

[Theo Vaughn]

They used to take one of my buddy's eyes closed till it didn't work, and then they got that check on him, bro. Everybody was getting that dummy check, and

[Jelly Roll]

he could have just threw flour bags.

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Sorry.

[Theo Vaughn]

Carry on.

[Michael A. Keatson]

But, yeah, but, yeah, about six years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

About six years you've been doing stand up where at?

[Michael A. Keatson]

Kansas City.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. That's where you live?

[Brian Stupak]

Yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What made you set up camp in Kansas City?

[Michael A. Keatson]

I was born and raised.

[Charles Haycock]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's okay. You have family there still?

[Michael A. Keatson]

Absolutely, yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your family loves you, I hope. What ethnicity are you?

[Michael A. Keatson]

I'm white.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And what made them name you Michael if your last name's Keaton? Did they just think it was funny or something?

[Michael A. Keatson]

I. I was born before that guy was famous. That's not even his real name. His real name is Michael Douglas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's 41. You're 41?

[Charles Haycock]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mr. Mom was out, right?

[Ethan Griggs]

Mr.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Mom. Yeah.

[Anthony Martin]

It was a huge movie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Your parents are with you. Michael Keaton was one of the most famous people. Exactly. When you were born. Right.

[Michael A. Keatson]

They don't exactly have their thumb on the pulse, man.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. So what do you do for fun, Michael Lee Keaton? You have any hobbies? You look like the kind of guy that has a wild collection of denim hats or something like that.

[Michael A. Keatson]

I can only afford the one. No, I like pretty much at this point, it's just stand up. Like, I did music for a long time, but I've got nerve damage in my hands, so I had to give that up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were playing guitar or whatever. Yeah. So what did you sing when you did music as well? No, no, no.

[Michael A. Keatson]

Like, I have terrible, like, anxiety. Like, the. The coming to the microphone is like, a big deal for me.

[Theo Vaughn]

How much nerve damage you got?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good question.

[Theo Vaughn]

Everybody's wondering.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm.

[Theo Vaughn]

I'm gonna ask it, like, can you shuffle cards or whatever? How much you talk?

[Michael A. Keatson]

Oh, I don't like enough. I had to quit playing. It was.

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah, I'm sorry, man.

[Michael A. Keatson]

Yeah, it's fine. Like, you Know, this is way more fun.

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What can you do that you're grateful that you can still do?

[Charles Haycock]

Yeah.

[Theo Vaughn]

That's a good question.

[Michael A. Keatson]

Eat.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Gabriel Adam]

Yeah.

[Theo Vaughn]

Another eating disabled person, huh?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. So what. How'd you end up in Austin, Texas, tonight? You come down for this or, like.

[Michael A. Keatson]

Yeah, like, there's, like. There's only so much opportunity in Kansas City. It's like, you know, I came down to, like, you know, check out the scene. I really like the people. People here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you drive or take a bus?

[Michael A. Keatson]

I live in a car.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You live in a car?

[Brian Stupak]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Michael A. Keatson]

The RAV4 thing was. Was real.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Amazing. Well, that's fun. You sleep in the back seat or do you tilt back the driver's seat?

[Michael A. Keatson]

I built a bed in the back.

[Theo Vaughn]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at you, Palace. You ever bring a girl back to the RAV4?

[Michael A. Keatson]

It would destroy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Would what?

[Michael A. Keatson]

It would destroy it.

[Jelly Roll]

Well, it depends on how big she is.

[Michael A. Keatson]

Yeah, I'm big enough.

[Jelly Roll]

Fair.

[Michael A. Keatson]

Yeah.

[Theo Vaughn]

And do you lay in there? And what? If you ever lay in there and listen to Jelly Roll? You listen to some Jelly Roll up in there, you know?

[Lil Mozzarella]

Well, that was the question I had.

[Jelly Roll]

Do you know any Tech 9 songs?

[Michael A. Keatson]

Yeah, like. Like, I'm a big fan of your.

[Jelly Roll]

So if I go k. Simo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, respect.

[Ethan Griggs]

All right.

[Jelly Roll]

I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Just short enough of a song that we don't get dinged by you. Perfect. Michael A. Keaton, fun times. You did it. You got through it. You're leaving here with a big joke book. Congratulations, Michael A. Keaton, ladies and gentlemen. And we're gonna keep it moving along. Oh, yeah. There's the lovely Heidi and Val, ladies and gentlemen. Amazing. Whoa. Oh, it's gonna be the most watched part of the episode right there. How about one more time for Heidi and Val? Their podcast, Love on the line, [e-mail] and the show goes on. Hello there, our dear friends. This podcast is sponsored by Shopify. Starting something new isn't just hard, it's terrifying. So much work goes into everything and anything that you're not entirely sure it will work out. I mean, look at this show. And it can be a leap of faith to start something crazy. I mean, when I started this podcast, I was thinking, what if no one listens? What if I make a fool out of myself? Now I know that I was right about all that, because that has happened, and it can happen to you. It also helps when you have a partner like Shopify on your side to help Redban. Tony. I love Shopify. It's the best business tool on earth. Get started with your own design studio. With hundreds of ready to use templates, Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store and matches your brand's style. Plus get the word out like you're having a marketing team behind you. Easily create email and social media campaigns wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling. And best yet, Shopify is your commerce expert. With world class expertise in everything from managing inventory to international shipping to processing returns and beyond, it's time to turn those what ifs into with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com kill Tony go to shopify.com kill Tony that's shopify.comk Tony hello there. This podcast is sponsored by Tobas. Yeehoo. Anywhere worth going is worth going in Good boots Find your perfect pair with Tobas. They're crafting quality western boots for everyone from generational ranchers and lifelong cowboys to first time boot buyers. And their in store experience is unparalleled with expert staff and complimentary beverages and customizations to over says boots for the season. Weddings, concerts, outdoor festival work events, Kill Tony episodes, whatever. From premium apparel to elevated leather goods like wallets, belts and more, everything at Tova is crafted with the same attention to detail and timeless style. So reset your wardrobe with craftsmanship. You can see and feel the moment you put it on. Red band oh Tony, I feel so comfortable in my Toovas. I wear them all the time. Shot to his western goods [e-mail] or swing by a to Covis store for the full experience with free drinks, boot shines and complimentary boot branding to make your pair feel personal. Right now get 10 off at tacobus.com kill Tony when you sign up for email and text, that's 10 off at t e c o v a s.com Keltoni to covis.com kill Tony c site for details to Covas Point your toes west on your next bucket poll. We know her. Funny lady. Goes by the name of Sherry Basici everybody. Sherry Basiji.

[Sherry Basici]

Thank you. Oh my God. Did you guys see that homeless woman with her tits Hanging out on 6th Street?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Sherry Basici]

Wearing a mask. Yeah. I said what are you a Democrat? So I am originally. I am originally from Iran, Nebraska. Yeah, I was at the airport and I don't know if you seen that sign that says no guns allowed in the airplane. Yeah. You know that same sign in the Middle east reads no stones allowed in the airplane. But AK47 is okay because those virgins can get out of control. I got guns in my head and it won't go. Spirits in my head and it won't go. I got guns. And then another sign right under that that reads, not responsible for lost limbs. I got guns in my head and it won't go. Oh, you missed the stone. Oh, you missed me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Sherry. Welcome back. Sherry.

[Theo Vaughn]

Theo. Yeah. I, you know, I was wondering what had happened to Mia. You look lovely. And I, I, Yeah, I, I, I like a lot of the stuff and.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Theo Vaughn]

And I am, I am honestly tickled to see you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's amazing. Sherry, remind us how long you been on stand up?

[Sherry Basici]

This may will be three years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Three years. And you are Iranian, correct? Yes. So how do you feel about everything that's happening here? How do you feel?

[Theo Vaughn]

Let's be honest here, Sherry. Let's get honest.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Sherry, tell us the truth. How do you feel about us, Us lighting up your country?

[Sherry Basici]

Well, I think they're doing it for their freedom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is true. That's what we say.

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah, but does it feel like that's what's happening or does it feel like what's happening now?

[Sherry Basici]

It's blowing up in my ass now. It's for the right reasons. And I think there's always going to be casualty when you know you're trying to do that. This is 47 years in the making. So I'm excited for the freedom that that's about to come.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, without a doubt. That, See, that's what happens when you check in with a real Iranian instead of the local news.

[Sherry Basici]

Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you visited there. You go there sometimes.

[Sherry Basici]

My immediate family's here. After my mom passed away, I just no longer had a reason to go back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Theo Vaughn]

How.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did your mom pass away?

[Sherry Basici]

No, my grandma. My mom is here. Yeah. Okay.

[Theo Vaughn]

Who killed her? You're saying if you. Yeah, if it's Israel. It's Israel.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Sherry Basici]

My mom's alive.

[Theo Vaughn]

She's still alive.

[Sherry Basici]

My mom is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Grandma. We're asking about Grandma. She died. Natural causes.

[Theo Vaughn]

I am sitting down.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. So, Sherry, where do you live now? Austin.

[Sherry Basici]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you just do standup for a living or.

[Sherry Basici]

I'm not doing it for a living, but I would love to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But so how. What do you do for a living?

[Sherry Basici]

I do paregal work from home.

[Theo Vaughn]

Okay.

[Sherry Basici]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very cool.

[Sherry Basici]

It's very convenient.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Paralegal.

[Sherry Basici]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Pair of airplanes hit our towers a few years ago for people like you. Remember that? I love it. Sherry, what do you do for fun? Tell us all what you do for fun.

[Sherry Basici]

Not much. I mean, I, I need to put myself out there and start dating. But just keep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are an Iranian mountain cougar. A very rare bird.

[Sherry Basici]

That's right. I like tall, white, younger men. Yeah, let's not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You like younger men, right? Yeah. Wow.

[Theo Vaughn]

Incredible.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. Whoa.

[Sherry Basici]

But I did just recently join a Middle Eastern dating app. Yeah, it's called, uh. Oh, Guess who.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. You're adorable. Sherry. Last date you went on, what was that like?

[Sherry Basici]

What?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, your. The last date that you went on, Last time you hung out with a man. Last time you let someone into your sand pit,

[Sherry Basici]

it was weird. We had interest and we kissed, and then I kind of waited and waited and he waited. And it feels like the interest just kind of dissipated. Like, if you don't move on it, there's a window that opens and then it closes. So you gotta move fast.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, absolutely.

[Sherry Basici]

And this bitch is old, so I didn't move fast enough.

[Theo Vaughn]

That's okay.

[Sherry Basici]

Yeah. What are you saying?

[Theo Vaughn]

No, I'm saying that's okay.

[Sherry Basici]

Yeah.

[Theo Vaughn]

You're fine. He's probably fine wherever he is.

[Sherry Basici]

Yeah.

[Theo Vaughn]

I don't know. Fuck him, to be honest with you. But he's probably a great guy.

[Sherry Basici]

Yeah.

[Theo Vaughn]

So I'm gonna sit back down.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where'd you guys make out at?

[Luke Robinson]

In a car.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

At your place?

[Sherry Basici]

No, just whatever show that we were doing at the end. We kissed and stuff. Yeah. And then we kissed again. Sometimes we kiss.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Sherry Basici]

Yeah. Look at that.

[Theo Vaughn]

That's good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible. Absolutely. Sherry, any other fun facts about you that we would find interesting? Really? Nothing?

[Sherry Basici]

Digging and digging. There's just not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's the craziest thing you have in your refrigerator. What's the greatest thing, craziest thing you have in your refrigerator that we would find odd? Like me, right now, at this very moment. I have pickled carrots, pickled jalapenos, pickled pickles. There's a pickling guy at the local farmer's market. And I have a lot of pickled things in my fridge. An odd amount of old things. Now it's your turn.

[Sherry Basici]

Soy chicken. Wow, it's good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Soy sauce on chicken. Let's check in with our senior refrigerator correspondent. Jelly roll.

[Jelly Roll]

Did you say soy chicken or soul chicken?

[Sherry Basici]

No, soy chicken. Like fake chicken.

[Jelly Roll]

Soul chicken.

[Theo Vaughn]

I thought you said sword chicken.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Yeah, I thought you said, like.

[Sherry Basici]

So, fish, no soy.

[Jelly Roll]

What's your all?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Chicken is soul chicken. Right. Okay.

[Lil Mozzarella]

What?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Jelly Roll]

What's your favorite kind of music?

[Sherry Basici]

My favorite kind of what?

[Jelly Roll]

Music.

[Sherry Basici]

Music. Oh, house music.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. Look at that.

[Theo Vaughn]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Wow. Oh. Oh, my goodness. All right. That's Enough. Okay, that's enough. That's enough. Sherry. Fun times. You did good. You're leaving here with a brown joke book just like you. Boom.

[Theo Vaughn]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good catch, Sherry.

[Sherry Basici]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, she made eye contact with me on that catch. Theo. Theo's a sweet boy. Make some noise for your next bucket pool. We're going to meet them all together. It's Ethan Griggs, everybody. Ethan. All right.

[Sherry Basici]

Woo.

[Ethan Griggs]

How we doing, man? The end of the day, I'm just a hick ass farmer from Cattle Mills, Texas. And the thing about this, if you know anything about farmers, the only reason they have kids is to like carry on the farm and the cheap farm labor. Well, I was an only child and a fuck up at that. So when my dad died, that's why the farm fell. Now I'm out here doing comedy, fucking that up too. It's crazy though. We were so broke that when my dad died, all I inherited was a porn collection. And here's the thing, I used to buy my dad porn. So I've already seen a third of this collection and I don't have enough bodily fluids for the other 2/3 of this collection. I'll be damned if I'm going to rehab for masturbation addiction. That's like getting cancer from vaping. That's just fucking embarrassing. Like, can't even raise my hand. Cause it's busy like shit. But I'll tell you what though. I don't.

[Jelly Roll]

I don't think.

[Ethan Griggs]

I don't think I'll make it in stand up comedy though, man. I had a very untraumatic childhood. Like, I didn't get molested cause I wasn't in the Church of the Scouts. And the only relative that might have molested me was too busy fucking goats to give me the time of day. I can't compete with sheep's pussy, nor would I want to. I guess that's my time. I heard a little meow, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Right on. Our second preacher of the night.

[Jelly Roll]

Night, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ethan Griggs.

[Jelly Roll]

Exactly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome.

[Anthony Martin]

Me.

[Ethan Griggs]

Is this really jelly roll Holy man. Nice to meet you.

[Jelly Roll]

I felt the same way when you walked up. I was like, my people are here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah, dog.

[Jelly Roll]

Then you started talking about being poor and drug addiction. I was like, he's my kind of guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah.

[Jelly Roll]

And then you said you bought your dad porn and I was out.

[Ethan Griggs]

Yeah. Good to meet you, sir. Killer said, thank you, sir. I appreciate that, brother.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. Welcome. Where is Cattle Mills, Texas?

[Ethan Griggs]

It's about an hour northeast of Dallas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long you been trying Stand up collectively.

[Ethan Griggs]

Five years. Like, I did it a little bit before the pandemic. And I got back into it about 20, 23, started taking it seriously and.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Ethan Griggs]

So now I'm here. I guess so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah. You look great. I like. I'm happy to see you.

[Ethan Griggs]

Oh, thank you. Oh, Theo Vaughn's here too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I was right here.

[Theo Vaughn]

Damn, you really pr. That's dumb, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I am. I never seen no money before in Cattle Mills. I'm not used to seeing nobody of any status whatsoever.

[Ethan Griggs]

I'm not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nobody molests me. I don't get to see celebrity. What do you do for work?

[Theo Vaughn]

How long? I'll tell you what he does. He's a sorcerer. He's a freaking. He's a rural businessman. He looks like he sells used karma, huh?

[Ethan Griggs]

Yes, pretty much.

[Anthony Martin]

Close.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very close.

[Ethan Griggs]

I work at a Circle K, actually.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you really? Yeah.

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah. I love it there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah.

[Ethan Griggs]

You look like the kind of customer that would come in at a Circle

[Theo Vaughn]

K. Yeah, dude, we used to spend time in that. We wouldn't just come in and just do our. And. And dip. We would come in and spend time with you.

[Ethan Griggs]

Most people just don't know how to leave. Like, they'd be in there for 30 minutes just figuring out how to work the coffee machine.

[Jelly Roll]

Do they hang out in the parking lot too?

[Ethan Griggs]

Oh, yeah.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Dude.

[Jelly Roll]

Dude.

[Ethan Griggs]

Well, the other night, somebody shut the pumps off and shit. It me all kinds of up. I didn't know what the hell was going on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's like, why the hell y' all

[Ethan Griggs]

put this out in the front? You know, any motherfucker can touch it.

[Theo Vaughn]

And they got a lot of gay dudes running up in there too.

[Jelly Roll]

They do? No, I almost saw.

[Theo Vaughn]

They do.

[Ethan Griggs]

I almost saw a bump fight with a trans and a homeless person. It was crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They have trans in Cattle Mills, Texas?

[Ethan Griggs]

No, this is in Austin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay.

[Ethan Griggs]

I've been in Austin for over nine years. No, they didn't have that in Cattle Mills.

[Theo Vaughn]

Talking about gays, right? Talking about all these remod.

[Jelly Roll]

That's all the same to me.

[Ethan Griggs]

I don't know, bro.

[Theo Vaughn]

You don't. You don't even know he was here. Bro. You. Bro, you could be 2 inches.

[Jelly Roll]

I couldn't believe.

[Ethan Griggs]

Hey, there's so many look alike celebrities in this city.

[Theo Vaughn]

I guess just some I never know.

[Matt Campbell]

Hell, yeah.

[Theo Vaughn]

No, man, I'm just joking with you. And it's nice to see you. And yeah, they got a lot of gay dudes out there trying to get that fake CPR out there.

[Ethan Griggs]

Yeah, exactly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's crazy. It's rough out here. So what did you do for work before the Circle K?

[Ethan Griggs]

I worked at a television station.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Ethan Griggs]

CBS and Telemundo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my goodness.

[Ethan Griggs]

Yeah, I just. I recently quit that job this month, and I tried to get a say. I tried to do a sales job, and I sucked at that. And so I decided to quit that and then just do Circle K. Circle K. And then now I got. I deliver laundry, too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Ethan Griggs]

And so I got all kinds of whatever makes money. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Know. What do your parents and cattle mills do for work when they're not.

[Ethan Griggs]

Well, my dad's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

For a picture with a pitchfork in front of the house.

[Ethan Griggs]

Yeah, my dad's dead. Yeah, my dad's dead, too.

[Jelly Roll]

Theo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My dad's alive. Had a heart attack last week. But he's good. My dad's cool.

[Jelly Roll]

He's cool.

[Ethan Griggs]

And my mom, I don't really know what.

[Jelly Roll]

She.

[Ethan Griggs]

She does something with insurance. I don't exactly know what the. She works from home, so. She wasn't a farmer, though.

[Theo Vaughn]

But she's a good woman, though.

[Ethan Griggs]

Oh, yeah, she's great. Great. Yeah. She'll be down here this weekend. So for.

[Gabriel Adam]

What are you gonna do?

[Theo Vaughn]

Y' all gonna celebrate? Go out to dinner? Go out to lunch or something?

[Ethan Griggs]

She gonna cook. She's gonna cook for the rest my adopted family and the. My homegirl, Carly, who I live with. And so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, say, homegirl. What exactly do you mean?

[Ethan Griggs]

That's just because we're white and we sound black. I don't know what to say.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Jelly Roll]

How old are you? I'm guessing 27 to 52.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, there's somewhere. You know what?

[Ethan Griggs]

You're right on the money. I'm 34. Dope.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Amazing.

[Ethan Griggs]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So the homegirl is your girlfriend?

[Ethan Griggs]

No, she's my. My friend. My landlady, too. My sister from a different mister, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You live with your landlady?

[Ethan Griggs]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But you're not banging?

[Ethan Griggs]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But the lady that you are banging is coming to town and cooking for you.

[Ethan Griggs]

No, that's my mother. I ain't that. Hey, I'm from the country. I ain't inbred like that.

[Theo Vaughn]

But you go for some of that dark meat, huh?

[Ethan Griggs]

Oh, I do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Ethan Griggs]

I like my women like I like my trucks. Large and black.

[Theo Vaughn]

Black.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really? Is that true, lady?

[Theo Vaughn]

Unless she 280, you'll go walking in the dark, huh?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah.

[Ethan Griggs]

Hell, yeah, I like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's very surprising. How many black women do you think you've been with?

[Ethan Griggs]

I Lost my virginity to a black woman.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Where was that?

[Ethan Griggs]

At Cattle Mills, ironically enough.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cattle Mills? Yeah. Where in Cattle Mills exactly?

[Ethan Griggs]

I mean, it's just a small town, so it's just, you know, at a neighbor's house.

[Theo Vaughn]

Okay, so I thought you said General Mills.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude, I'm like, where?

[Ethan Griggs]

Yeah, no, cattle. C, A, D, D, O. Like the Indians.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cattle.

[Ethan Griggs]

See, a lot of people think I say cattle because I don't know how to talk either.

[Theo Vaughn]

And they're lying.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They're.

[Theo Vaughn]

Or they're. They're not lying, but they're. Or they are. They don't know what they're talking about.

[Ethan Griggs]

Yeah, that's true.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah.

[Ethan Griggs]

Right on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ethan, any other. Anything else crazy we should know about you before getting you out of here?

[Ethan Griggs]

Ah, I don't know. We'd be here all night if I tell you all the crazy that I've done.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How about any. Anything?

[Ethan Griggs]

Anything.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

One thing.

[Ethan Griggs]

One thing.

[Jelly Roll]

Ever been to jail?

[Ethan Griggs]

I have once. Yeah. I got a DWI back in December. So my.

[Jelly Roll]

Like, four months ago.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Theo Vaughn]

Back in 1980. December.

[Ethan Griggs]

Not my proudest moment, but, you know, I'm dealing with it.

[Theo Vaughn]

Whose fault was it? Was it yours or was it someone else?

[Ethan Griggs]

It was mine. Yeah, I. I was blackout drunk. I don't remember most of it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What happened? I.

[Ethan Griggs]

Like I said, I don't remember leaving my buddy's house to waking up in a hospital bed cuffed to it, but luckily nobody was hurt.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did you wreck into?

[Ethan Griggs]

Two park cars.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Theo Vaughn]

Oh, yeah. One for the plug and one for the low, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that's what it was.

[Jelly Roll]

Yeah.

[Gabriel Adam]

Yep.

[Theo Vaughn]

Bro. One time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Theo Vaughn]

Sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, go for it. Let's it. Do it.

[Theo Vaughn]

I'm leaving this bar, and I. I was driving a Honda Accord or whatever, and Because I was having kind of a tough time or whatever, and. Anyway, I go get in my car. There's a cop car right next to it. I go get in it, and then I'm looking in there, I'm like, there's a baby seat in my car. And I'm, like, thinking, oh, somebody snuck in here with their baby. Right. I got in the wrong car. There's a cop right next to me in his car. He's kind of looking over at me, and now I'm, like, trying to. I can't start this car. Is it. Not mine. Damn. So I had to pop the hood, dude. This cop's looking under the hood with me of somebody else's car. Damn.

[Ethan Griggs]

And I thought my was bad.

[Theo Vaughn]

Dude came out. He's like, what? The are y' all doing? And I was like, I'm just helping this officer.

[Matt Campbell]

Yeah.

[Theo Vaughn]

So that's what I'm saying. Blm, homie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right.

[Ethan Griggs]

Hell yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right. Thank you, Ethan Grande Griggs, you're leaving here with a medium joke, but congratulations. Thank you very much, Ethan Griggs, everybody. All right, Theo, you don't have to get up for all these people. It's like, but I ain't never seen nothing like this before. Theo Jelly Roll. Good night, everybody. Oh, look at that. People are going to be like, wow. The Theo Jelly Roll and Woody Harrelson's gay son were all in the same place at the same time. This podcast is sponsored by ZipRecruiter. Did you know that the average employer has to sort through roughly 250 resumes per job opening? Talk about time consuming. Well, if you're hiring, here's good news. You can now review all of these resumes and applications faster, thanks to ZipRecruiter. ZipRecruiter has a new feature that instantly shows you the most most interested, qualified candidates first. And today you can try it for [e-mail] kill Tony Redban Tony I love ZipRecruiter. It's the best hiring site around. ZipRecruiter's powerful matching technology finds qualified candidates quickly. And with ZipRecruiter's new feature, qualified candidates who are very interested in your job show up at the top of the list. That's right. You also get a feel for their personality. Candidates can tell you in their own words why they're interested in your job. So cut through the standards and get to the standouts. With ZipRecruiter, four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. And now you can try it for [e-mail] Kill Tony that's ziprecruiter.com Kill Tony Meet your match on ZipRecruiter. This podcast is sponsored by BlueChew. Guys, the future of erectile function is here. BlueChew Gold is changing the way millions of men are having sex in 2026. The new arousal boosting formula combines passion and performance into one tablet that dissolves under your tongue for super fast onset. No more waiting for a pill to kick in. Just the results you want when you want them. Most. ED meds only focus on blood flow, but bluechew Gold goes further by combining two ingredients for blood flow with two for mental arousal and Connection. So you're not just physically ready, you are actually in the mood. This type of innovation is why Blue Chew Gold is the number one brand in erectile function. The process is simple and all online. Get started [e-mail] and go for the gold red band.

[Jelly Roll]

Yummy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love Blue Chew. Tony. They're providing the best ed treatment out there. Ladies, if you are listening, send your man the link and make him a trophy husband. With BlueChew Gold, turbocharge your love life and make it easy to get hard. That's right, get blood going down there. Get yourself excited. Go change life a little bit. Get even. If you are can already easily get hard, get harder. Discover your [e-mail] and we got a special deal for our list listeners right now. When you buy Blue two months of Blue Chew Gold, you get the third for free with promo code Tony. That's right. Let me get you hard. That's promo code Tony. Visit bluechew.com for more details on important safety information. And we thank Bluechew for sponsoring the podcast. All right, your next bucket poll, ladies and gentlemen, goes by the name of Charles Haycock, everyone. Here we go.

[Charles Haycock]

What's up? I'm trying to talk to more women now, but it should be good because I don't have autism because I've never been tested. And I think that's how you beat it. I think it's the only cure I've heard of. But my brother, he got tested, right? So they got him and you can't give it back. People always, they're like, does he have it full on? I'm like, well, it's not part time, it's not weekends. Hit the club Monday. Back to puzzles. I did try to get tested too, when I was in Canada, where it's free there, but they're busy. So they, you know, they phone me back. They're like, sorry, sir, the wait time is seven years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I was like, what the.

[Charles Haycock]

To find out if I have autism. Seven years?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, that's 3,461 days. No, no, I can't do that. That's a Tuesday. No, Tuesday's when the train comes. Yeah, that's why.

[Charles Haycock]

Thank you, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unbelievable. Charles Haycock.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Welcome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome, my friend. What a rock star you are. How long you been doing stand up?

[Charles Haycock]

I've been doing it for 12 years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fuck yeah, man. Where at?

[Charles Haycock]

Canada and Edmonton, Alberta.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Hell yeah.

[Theo Vaughn]

Oh, yeah, dude, what's your name? Have we ever met before?

[Charles Haycock]

No, dude, I've never met you. My name Is Charles.

[Ari Matty]

Charles.

[Theo Vaughn]

Theo.

[Charles Haycock]

It's a pleasure.

[Theo Vaughn]

Thanks. Yeah, I thought maybe I'd met you before because I used to do a lot of shows up there, and I thought maybe we had met one time.

[Charles Haycock]

Oh, okay. Cool. You meet a lot of guys like me?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know.

[Theo Vaughn]

It happens, bro, I'm not even gay, okay? I am a guy who likes women. Dude, you should see some of the drawings in my diary.

[Charles Haycock]

I'm flattered. That's all, you know?

[Theo Vaughn]

No, I thought that we had met before, though. I'm 100 serious with you. I thought we had met once.

[Charles Haycock]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[Theo Vaughn]

Well, so good to see you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Okay. Very good. One note.

[Theo Vaughn]

Be honest, though, if you was gay, bro, because we don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Theo Vaughn]

I mean, would you smash this little beetle muffin over here?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, well, we're like. I think we're both bomb bottoms, so, like, those batteries don't go that way. You know what I mean? They have to go along the same way.

[Charles Haycock]

You can't have two super gay guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Never mind, dude.

[Theo Vaughn]

Whatever, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I love it. Charles, tell us about your life up in Canada.

[Charles Haycock]

My life in Canada? Well, I moved to Texas this last year.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Oh, nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Congratulations.

[Charles Haycock]

Thank you, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You got citizenship and everything?

[Charles Haycock]

No, I do not. But I have papers. I do have papers.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Okay.

[Charles Haycock]

I'm hoping to get permanent papers later, but, yeah, Canada is a good time. And I finally started dating a female girl.

[Theo Vaughn]

Nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us about that. How's that going?

[Charles Haycock]

It's going good. I had a dry spell for, like, nine years. Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's very dry.

[Charles Haycock]

Yeah, and it was rough. Like, the only girl I had a crush on during that was I met an Amish girl. And the only place you can find them is, like, when they're selling furniture. And then she was great, but getting their drawers, huh?

[Theo Vaughn]

Sorry. And that's not even a real joke. I just read that somewhere on the fucking. In the back of my brain, and

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I was like, who wrote this?

[Theo Vaughn]

Some.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Theo Vaughn]

Or whatever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Theo Vaughn]

Anyway, carry on. I'm sorry, dude. I'm honestly interrupting you. It's not. It's not very nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's great.

[Theo Vaughn]

I am sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's great. We love it.

[Charles Haycock]

Yeah. I had to pretend that, you know, I was interested in their $17,000 drawers, but the Amish, they're pretty pricey. But. And then I waited nine years, and then I met a girl who's not Amish, so I'm allowed to date her, but, hell, yeah, she's.

[Theo Vaughn]

And what was it about the Amish that was Bringing you over there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can I ask him that? Yeah, absolutely.

[Theo Vaughn]

What was it about? Have you spin. Have you seen a lot of Amish? I haven't seen that many Amish before. I've met Amish. I've met probably maybe 11Amish people in my whole life.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Okay.

[Jelly Roll]

Podcasted with two of them, I think.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Exactly. I've seen clips of that one.

[Charles Haycock]

How is that allowed? Is that not against their whole.

[Jelly Roll]

Well, they wouldn't know, I don't reckon.

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah, yeah, they don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Find out.

[Charles Haycock]

Okay. Okay.

[Theo Vaughn]

They just think they're just talking in like a weird shape or something.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah,

[Charles Haycock]

but don't you feel like you're soiling their existence a little bit by exposing them to the world you were

[Jelly Roll]

trying to fuck one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, dude.

[Jelly Roll]

Bro, you don't playin Theo.

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah, dude. Yeah, don't furniture shame me, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're over here playing let's hide in

[Theo Vaughn]

the back of Narnia closet or whatever. Let me take you to see my lion. Let me show you that pants ad Nan or whatever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you make an attempt. What was the best attempt you made at hooking up with the Amish girl?

[Charles Haycock]

Yeah, I was scared off of me because I was talking to her and I made her laugh. And then like four of her dad showed up immediately. They have so many dads and they. They looked at me like there's no fucking chance.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh yeah.

[Charles Haycock]

So I got the heck out of there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But you can only fucking them during Rumple Springer or whatever it's called. There's Red Ban, everybody. If you're wondering what it sounds like when he talks. There you go, Rumple Spring, everyone. There's some degenerates in the crowd. Some Die Hard Redban fans. There you go, Rumple Spring, everybody. It's your Doritos joke of the night, everyone. Amazing Charles, what else about you? You seem like a guy that's got a. An interestingly complex life.

[Charles Haycock]

Well, I start in Canada to make money. I go and I have a Yo yo company.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, I knew there was something cto, you looked at me funny there. It's got a Yo yo company. You were right.

[Charles Haycock]

We just. We just got canceled recently though. So we're not making money this year.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, no. Well, that company probably. I'd imagine that industry has a lot

[Brian Stupak]

of ups and downs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I think.

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah, they.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's no rumble spring, but it'll do for now. Amazing. So the yo yo company got cancelled or just went out of business?

[Charles Haycock]

No, I got like. So like our manufacturer was in America? Yeah, dude, I sound Pretty sick when I say that.

[Theo Vaughn]

It does sound good. Let me. I want to. I want to know more about it. I do. I really do, man. Sorry, my attitude's been weird today.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, but probably.

[Charles Haycock]

Yeah, no, we had. We had Americans make our. But the thing is, in America, like, the yo yo scene is kind of run by. I guess you'd call it the. The woke yo yo mob. You guys know about this, right?

[Luke Robinson]

I don't.

[Charles Haycock]

Oh, yeah, so. And they're also autistic. So, like, imagine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, we have one. Come on. Come on up here, Cole. No, come on. Come on over. Around. Yeah. The Wave. We have a. We have a Yo yo guy. We have a yo yo guy that actually knows your company.

[Charles Haycock]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

One of our main people do a little yo yo Cole.

[Theo Vaughn]

Hell yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There he is. This is unbelievable, ladies and gentlemen. What are the odds? One of the greatest yo yoers in the world happens to be a five year veteran employee of the Kiltoni Enterprise. Right when you think this podcast doesn't get any cooler, we. Yo yo. Amazing. Look at that, Charles. You're awesome, dude. Come back anytime. We'll see you soon. Charles Haycock, everybody. There he goes. All right, we have a. We have a special treat, ladies and gentlemen. A special treat for you. This man is making his Kill Tony debut. He's an Internet sensation. You very likely follow him on Instagram. Very funny, man. Make some noise for Lil Mozzarella, everybody. His Kill Tony debut.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Watch it, Mouth.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Shut the. Up in the back.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Stay put. I'm from New York City. I don't know. You guys act like you don't understand me, but I can speak any language. I look at somebody who's Spanish, where are you? I throw one word at you. What's up? Let me get a bacon, egg, and cheese. Poppy. You know, people do it to Italians all the time. They come to little Lily and they start acting Italian. The guys got freckles and. Let me get a chicken colored parmesan. Fresh mozzarella red peppers. Tell you, Sister G. And I said, how you. That's Norwegian. You know, where you never do it, though. You never see nobody. Go to Chinese restaurants, act in Chinese. No lay ho, ma. Let me get a pork fried rice. Don't forget the wonton soup. They don't do it. They get disrespectful. They start yelling, lace, Mike. Pork fried rice. They think you can understand them if you talk loud. You know they're disrespectful. See, I always show them respect. Like, let's say, for instance, I go, like, for a steak. I bring the bones home and I bring it to the restaurant for the dog to bury the yard. How you doing? I was gonna say they ate the dog, but then I said, somebody might fuck me up out here. I see a couple Asians. Kim Jong Un's over there. What's up, Mo? How does it feel to never ride a roller coaster?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Lil Mozzarella, ladies and gentlemen, making a His Kill Tony debut. Very funny. Lots of energy. Oh, just. He just hit the. He just hit the hardware.

[Lil Mozzarella]

I drove 20 hours to get here.

[Theo Vaughn]

Did you really? Everybody.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

L. Mo, you are the man.

[Theo Vaughn]

Good to see you tonight, man. You really drove 20 hours to get here?

[Lil Mozzarella]

No, I drove about six.

[Theo Vaughn]

I like that, though.

[Lil Mozzarella]

I was in Oklahoma. The food there sucks, bro. They eat testicles. You know anybody from Oklahoma? They eat testicles. Yeah, and they eat it like two grapes. I won't even eat a hot dog in front of people, you know, to eat that. It's called lamb something. Look it up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lil Mozzarella]

It's a thing. Chachi B Tig it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unbelievable.

[Theo Vaughn]

Look it up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is the real. This is. This guy's. This is how he is in real life.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Oklahoma. I drove here. Listen, I gotta rent a car.

[Jelly Roll]

Car.

[Lil Mozzarella]

This rental car says 29 miles or whatever per gallon. I thought that that was how much gas I had. I ran out of gas. I didn't know what to do. I called the Uber. I says, come over here. I'm gonna give you a hundred dollars. Go get the tank and come here and look out for me. He goes, how do you know I could trust you? I said, I'm a degenerate. Gamble. I'm taking a shot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let me tell you my history with Lil Mo. I can't remember what or why or how, but we were all out one night, me, him, and Shane. And Shane's like, you got to meet my friend. This is Lil Mo. And he was like this, right? And I'm like, this guy's not even real. And then after about five or 10 minutes, we hung out the rest of the night. He had me absolutely cracking up.

[Charles Haycock]

You smoke?

[Lil Mozzarella]

I don't even smoke pot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You don't?

[Lil Mozzarella]

I'm looking forward to smoking pot again tonight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You're gonna smoke pot tonight.

[Ethan Griggs]

I don't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This guy.

[Lil Mozzarella]

I go into the table, I get anxiety.

[Theo Vaughn]

Did you. Did you smoke it a lot when you were.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, God.

[Sherry Basici]

Down.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, God. Little Mo. Lil Mo's about to be eating bull testicles.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Charlie was an engineer. Pull out of it. What do you want? The oic I'm on the Mata. How you doing?

[Theo Vaughn]

Theo Manjaro. Sounds Italian.

[Lil Mozzarella]

You know how you say air conditioning? Italian.

[Theo Vaughn]

You used to sell H air conditioning.

[Lil Mozzarella]

I used to do air conditioning. That's what I did for a living, you know.

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah, my cousin worked in H Vac for a while.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Does he?

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah, he did.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Is he the help or.

[Anthony Martin]

He's.

[Lil Mozzarella]

He's a mechanic.

[Jelly Roll]

He's dead.

[Theo Vaughn]

He passed away.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Oh, he did? Yeah.

[Theo Vaughn]

You know, when you work blue collar, was. Yeah. He would get in there, you know,

[Lil Mozzarella]

he go, you say air condition in time. You say it dish.

[Theo Vaughn]

Air condition.

[Lil Mozzarella]

That's what you saying.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us more about

[Lil Mozzarella]

staring at me. He's a jinx, this guy.

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah, from the past. Over here, we.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, we always have all these different shapes and sizes of characters. I'm Italian. I don't sound like you. I'm not from New York. I'm from.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Let me tell you something. You had some guy on the other day, he had a gabagool shirt. Yeah, he was a fake Italian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I saw that.

[Lil Mozzarella]

That's what made me come.

[Ethan Griggs]

Yeah.

[Lil Mozzarella]

I said, you need the real.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And that's what I was just gonna say is we never get any real Italian.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Nobody does. They act Italian. There's no real one. I'm the only one left.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us more. Teach us some more. It's true. It really is true. There's enough nothing.

[Lil Mozzarella]

I just don't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Me and this guy sat at the end of a bar cracking up for hours because I couldn't get enough of it. It's who he really is. Give us some more of your Italian New York wisdom, Little Mo.

[Lil Mozzarella]

If you don't speak Italian, all you need to know how to do is say this. What do you want to do? How you doing? I don't want no problems.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's exactly right.

[Theo Vaughn]

Tell us about Brooklyn. What is it about it?

[Lil Mozzarella]

It's old school change now. You know, back in the day, it was different. You know, you hang out on a stoop, you know what I mean? A girl walks by, you go, how you doing? You know, different levels. Different. Different how you're doing. You don't want to throw a fiver. How you doing? You know, you get. How you doing? Yeah, because she might get, you know, she'll get a little cocky. You don't want to get cocky.

[Theo Vaughn]

Exacerbated or whatever.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Yeah, you gotta bring it down a notch, you know what I'm saying? My friend's sister, man. I remember the first girl. I said, how you doing? To her.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Lil Mozzarella]

She was a Sweetheart, you know. Oh yeah, I bought her a nice pair of shoes. She goes, how do I look at them? I said take them out of the box, you dummy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How you doing?

[Lil Mozzarella]

We got any Jewish guys on here?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh yeah, they're out there. They don't make any noise anymore. How you doing? They're laying low right now. Jewelry Jews. Jews are hiding in the dark right now.

[Theo Vaughn]

They'll throw counting in the dark.

[Lil Mozzarella]

So what else we got about being Italian?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, I absolutely love it. You know, I just found a great Italian place that I've been telling everybody about Baldinucci's here in Austin, Texas. And, and I love it. We, I've been ordering from there continuously.

[Lil Mozzarella]

I'm talking about, you know what's crazy about Italian? You could name any piece of food and you can make it sound like a dick. Here's my brajo. I got the brute right here. Yeah, hide the salam.

[Theo Vaughn]

Yep.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Look at my little pasta fazel. It always. You can make it anything.

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah, show me that barrat.

[Lil Mozzarella]

You know what I'm saying? Show me that barrat.

[Theo Vaughn]

Where are the real Italians at? Like where, where, where? Honestly, if we were going to go look for some Italians or if people wanted to find some Italians.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Well, we have our own culture. We're Italian America, we're different. Italians don't even like us.

[Theo Vaughn]

We really, really.

[Lil Mozzarella]

They do a little bit because they got to deal with us. A kick of mind country.

[Theo Vaughn]

Where are the realest ones in America still at if you want to get the most?

[Lil Mozzarella]

Well, you got something in Chicago and you got where he's from. Youngstown is Italians. But in New York we got Brooklyn, the Bronx, Staten island too. San Island's got a lot of times. Queens got all the five boroughs got

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

D. Oh my God. Ladies and gentlemen, We have a new bass player. Lil drewski did whiteface. Drew drew did white face. And now d madness is doing white face. This is incredible. Hahaha. You never know what can happen here on Kill Tony. Every once in a while, gotta go to Brooklyn.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Deal. You're from New Orleans? Are you from New Orleans? Blind as a bat.

[Theo Vaughn]

What you.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Are you from New Orleans?

[Theo Vaughn]

I'm from outside of New Orleans.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Oh, I used to go there when I was a kid.

[Theo Vaughn]

Did you believe? What were you guys doing over there?

[Lil Mozzarella]

My friend had a place I used to go to, the Abbey. Remember the Abbey? It was like a late night drift joint. Serious chicken fingers and the Abbey.

[Theo Vaughn]

No, I hadn't.

[Lil Mozzarella]

There's a place made in Voyage.

[Theo Vaughn]

Maiden voyage.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Come on, keep it on a Look,

[Theo Vaughn]

I just remembered it.

[Ethan Griggs]

Yeah.

[Lil Mozzarella]

You know it.

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah, I'll forget it again, I'm sure. But yeah, I did remember it, right?

[Lil Mozzarella]

You guys selected Memory Mo.

[Theo Vaughn]

Maiden voyage was a little bit. It was.

[Lil Mozzarella]

It was fun.

[Theo Vaughn]

It was okay. People like different stuff.

[Brian Stupak]

I.

[Theo Vaughn]

You know, I didn't like it. I like Boston better.

[Lil Mozzarella]

You like Boston?

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah, I like Boston.

[Lil Mozzarella]

I like Boston, too. I didn't think they would like me out there, but they like me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why?

[Theo Vaughn]

Why? But you think that because I'm Italian they're not gonna.

[Lil Mozzarella]

No, boss.

[Luke Robinson]

It's got a lot of Irish.

[Lil Mozzarella]

When we were kids, the Irish Italians to fight all the time. So I figured I went to Boston, they'll beat the out of me if they like me.

[Theo Vaughn]

We need more of that.

[Lil Mozzarella]

You need old school back, right?

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah.

[Lil Mozzarella]

You believe in stereotypes? I took I when it comes to dicks. I think it's true. I'm gonna tell you why I look at people's dicks in the urine once a while. Not because I'm gay. I'm gonna tell you what it is.

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah, what is it?

[Lil Mozzarella]

Let me tell you this. My grandfather was ugly and he had no money. And he banged my grandma for 50 years. She stayed with him. So I asked her, she goes, because she's black. So it made me start looking. I says, let me see what people are working with. This way I can have an edge. You know what I mean?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then what happened?

[Lil Mozzarella]

You look like this. You go like this. Look, you go like. You take a piss and you go, peekaboo. Now, if they got a little guy, you could blackmail him or you could pump their ego up.

[Jelly Roll]

Yeah.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Like, you go like. You know if it's your boss or something, Right up the corporate ladder.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How you doing, Lil Mo? I love you. You gotta follow this guy on Instagram. Do it. Here's a big joke book, Lil Mo. I'm throw it to you.

[Theo Vaughn]

Praise God, baby.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Make some noise to little Momo. How long are you in town for?

[Lil Mozzarella]

I'm.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm saying two.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Two nights.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So when do you leave?

[Lil Mozzarella]

I don't know. Two nights from now. Look like a station over here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, real quick, little movie, real quick. Jump back on that mic real quick.

[Anthony Martin]

I don't want no problems.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's the best show you've ever seen in New York City? You're you. You're true New York, right? Yeah, all the way. What's the.

[Lil Mozzarella]

The Rocket.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Dmx.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dmx. Where'd you see him at? I seen him.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Summer jam. Where the.

[Luke Robinson]

Is that.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Is that New York? No, it might be Jersey.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Where the. Did I see the Warriors? I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What. What shows have you seen at Madison Square Garden?

[Lil Mozzarella]

Shane's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Lil Mozzarella]

Just Shane's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice.

[Lil Mozzarella]

That's it. I did the Voice of God, Firm in Manchester Square Garden.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, I'll tell you what. I find you to be so interesting and so compelling. We're doing two nights at Madison Square Garden August 7th and 8th. Will you come. In New York? Let me say one thing. Yeah. I'm on top of the world. My on top of the world. Hell, yeah. How you doing, Lil Mozzarella, ladies? Absolutely.

[Lil Mozzarella]

I can sing, too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How about one more time for the cameo of Shane Gillis, everybody? What a. What a crazy world we're living in where the biggest comedian in the world stops in and pretends to be blind for 10 seconds. He'll be hosting the Roast of Kevin Hart on May 10, live on Netflix. It's gonna be a hell of a roast. I'll be there roasting yet again on the biggest roast of all time. The Roast of Kevin Hart. May 10th. Two days earlier. Me and Jelly Roll are at the Greek Theater. And a reminder this Friday, Busboys, starring Theo Vaughn and David Spade Alex. In theaters everywhere. Go to a movie theater, people. Buy some popcorn and a large soda. Enjoy yourself. Throw extra butter on it. Own it all. Pay off your home. Travel for life. Drive a Ferrari. In celebration of the world premiere of the Monopoly big board Buck slot machine by Aristocrat Gaming, Yamava Resort and Casino in San manuel is giving one person a 1.6 million dollar dream package. The biggest prize in Yamava's history. Club Serrano members can earn daily instant prizes and secure a spot in the finale. May 29th. Don't pass. Go and own it all. Only at Yamava celebrating its 40th anniversary.

[Luke Robinson]

You win.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

[e-mail] must be 2120. Please gamble responsibly. Monopoly is a trademark of Hasbro. Hasbro is not a sponsor of this promotion.

[Luke Robinson]

You said this place was steps from the water.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We just haven't found the steps yet.

[Anthony Martin]

How much did we save?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Enough. Enough to get lost. Or you could book a stay with Hilton. Welcome to your oceanfront room just steps from the water. The Hilton sale is on. Now book on Hilton.com or the Hilton app and save up to 20% to get the stay you expected. When you want savings, not surprises, it matters where you stay. Hilton for the stay. Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket poll. Everybody goes by the name of T. Austin. Everybody T. Austin.

[Jelly Roll]

What's up? What's up? What's up? Now, I came out here, I'm a little angry, but I'm not angry with y'.

[Michael A. Keatson]

All.

[Jelly Roll]

I don't like the motherfuckers that's outside. So I came up with a few ways to destroy the world, and I only got a minute to do so. The first one would be for you religious motherfuckers. I want whoever you believe in, Jesus, Muhammad, whoever. I hope you come so that way the rest of us can be out here screaming like, holy shit. You can't say that shit. Cause God is here. The second way, you already got Donald Trump in there doing his thing, working on Israel. We working on them bombs. That would be funny. But fuck that, we're living that one now. The third way, fucking Thriller. I want my goddamn zombies. I've been watching the Walking Dead. I've been practicing my motherfucking shit. Michael, getting ready to come out. I'm going to see that shit. I want to live it the fourth way. Because it could be anything, you guys. I could drop a bomb of peanuts in here and drop half you motherfuckers. The fourth way that I believe that we deserve it. Cuz Donald Trump said it's true. It's goddamn aliens. We're already here. Thank y'.

[Luke Robinson]

All.

[Jelly Roll]

I'm T. Austin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

T. Austin, ladies and gentlemen, John Dees. I'm checking with John Dees here. What did he just say?

[Jelly Roll]

Bunch some

[Dedrick Flynn]

is now dumb.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Everyone in this room is now dumber.

[Jelly Roll]

And you're welcome for it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Welcome, T. How long have you been doing standup? My dear friend, I have been doing

[Jelly Roll]

stand up off and on for about maybe six years. My dog.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Six. Cheers. Okay. Six years. Where at?

[Jelly Roll]

San Antonio.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Jelly Roll]

I'm originally from Georgia.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Georgia.

[Jelly Roll]

Can't tell. Yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Jelly Roll]

I was in Texas for 20 years, though, so I'm officially a DSTB as well as a DSGB. Bad motherfucker all the way around.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's a DSTB?

[Jelly Roll]

Oh, that's a Down South Texas boy. I'm a Down South GB Georgia. Georgia boy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay.

[Jelly Roll]

Pastor Choice. That's my dog.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Jelly Roll]

I don't know him, but I listen to the music.

[Theo Vaughn]

And what does the T stand for?

[Jelly Roll]

T? It's a letter. Just ABCD eft? Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Jelly Roll]

Hey, you see, I kept my hand in my pocket. I ain't got no fingerprints. I don't want nobody telling on me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay? Again, I really need a translator.

[Theo Vaughn]

I hear everything you're saying, Brother T.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Austin, what do you not do for

[Jelly Roll]

work what do I not do for work? Well, I am a retired drug dealer. I used to sell marijuana.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Jelly Roll]

But then it became legal, and them bitches took it from my pocket. But now I work at a grocery store and I give out samples to nice folks like you white people here in front of me today.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Look at you, working at the grocery store.

[Jelly Roll]

Nice. Yeah, I'm broke than a bitch. I need a job, son.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's check.

[Theo Vaughn]

And who likes a sample the most? Who's the most. When you're in there, if you're working, like, if you're in the sample streets, who is the person that. You know what I'm saying? Take me through some of them samplers.

[Jelly Roll]

All right, so look, I got folk that come through. I got my everyday people that let me try.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your what people?

[Jelly Roll]

Let me talk a little bit clearer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[Jelly Roll]

So I have everyday people that like to come in and they will eat what I make because it is very, very delicious. But the. Some bitches don't buy it. I don't care about you loving what I make. I care about you buying it. But putting a smile on people's face, just like I'm doing with y'.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All. There you go. All right. There's a lot there. We love the Annunciation.

[Jelly Roll]

You asked the question and who the

[Theo Vaughn]

worst people that come through there? Who's the worst type of sampler?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. If you had to. Honestly, if you had to describe what they look like.

[Jelly Roll]

Oh, check this out. I won't, but I'll describe their pocket. They got a lot of money.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right?

[Jelly Roll]

People with a lot of money. Be mean as.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really. What's the meanest thing anybody's ever said to you while you're handing out stuff?

[Jelly Roll]

You know what? You didn't do it. And I was surprised because I heard about you, but I didn't take it like that. But they come up and they say, my brother. Yeah, I get it. Yeah, yeah. I'm not your brother. I don't know you. And I tell him, no, sir, I do not understand what you are saying to me right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You say that to the white people that say that?

[Jelly Roll]

I didn't say that. You said that. I say that to anybody who say that. But if you want to say it's white people, sir, I'll take that, too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But if a black guy came up to you and said, my brother, delicious sample.

[Jelly Roll]

It depend on how he said it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. How about how I said,

[Jelly Roll]

depends on how you say it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right? What if I was like, my brother, delicious sample, pole

[Jelly Roll]

I'd be like, well, thank you, sir, and I really do appreciate that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, perfect. If you would have said anything else, I would have asked to speak to your manager.

[Jelly Roll]

I appreciate this. I really didn't know I was going to get called on here. It is really a honor. I hope I did good for y'.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All.

[Jelly Roll]

I I with it. I hope I get called on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you closing out your own interview right now? Clocking out.

[Jelly Roll]

Stomach hurts, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm nervous. It's what happens. You're in the. You're in the big league and we know you didn't think you were gonna get called. That's how the show works. And it's also, you're dressed for not getting called.

[Jelly Roll]

Hey, I got off of work and came here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You did it.

[Ethan Griggs]

I'm poor, I have to work type shit.

[Jelly Roll]

So I got a bucket. You see me, you see me put it in my pocket. Help your boy out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go.

[Jelly Roll]

Love y'. All.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Catch him at Trader Jamal's. T. Austin, everybody. Theo doing his classic meet and greet. Trademark. Standing ovation for everyone.

[Theo Vaughn]

Scary thing. It is. I could never do that.

[Gabriel Adam]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you could.

[Theo Vaughn]

You out there for. I could not do it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We used to do three minutes at the Comedy Store at the open mic minutes.

[Theo Vaughn]

But you've been practicing for a long time. It just feels a very. It feels extreme to me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It might. Yeah, it is.

[Theo Vaughn]

Carry on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's the thing. Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket poll goes by the name of Brian Stupek. Brian Stupek.

[Brian Stupak]

Hey, everybody. So I'm a man, so I get a. I get a little discouraged about the double standard that exists online between men and women. For example, a girl can post herself at the beach wearing a bikini. Gets thousands of likes, hundreds of comments from other girls saying things like, yes, queen slay girl. Pop off diva. I say one innocent comment like, wow, would a babe. And I get blasted. They say creep. They say loser. Or most often they say, wow, dude, she's only 11. Can you believe these people? So I don't do many impressions. I do one. This is my impression of a Latina. But not just any Latina. This is one that is both brilliant and gorgeous. So give me a second while I get into character.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay?

[Brian Stupak]

Soy Mexicana. Soy Mexicana. Soy Mexicana. No, no, no. Ccc. Ok, Listo. I'm breaking up with you, Brian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, Brian. Stupid. Welcome, Brian. Is this your first time on the show?

[Brian Stupak]

Sure is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome, welcome. How long you been on stand up comedy?

[Brian Stupak]

Since June.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where at?

[Brian Stupak]

Mostly 6th Street.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You live here in Austin.

[Brian Stupak]

Yeah. I work next door.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What made you want to start six months ago?

[Brian Stupak]

It's a long story, but I was, I ran out of money in Italy and my buddy's like, come stay with me and try stand up comedy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So I was like, all right, where was that?

[Brian Stupak]

In Italy or you're in Italy, you

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

ran out of money, Your buddy's like, come move.

[Brian Stupak]

He lives in Ca.

[Jelly Roll]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He lives in here in.

[Brian Stupak]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Brian Stupak]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Brian Stupak]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So where'd you live before that?

[Brian Stupak]

So I'm from Northern California, but I do a lot of travel, so I spent like most of the last 10, 15 years traveling. I, I, I'm a linguist, so I like, travel to learn languages. I'll pick up, like, odd jobs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can you teach the last guy how to talk?

[Brian Stupak]

I mean, I can help people that, you know, I can't help lost causes, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, yeah. So how did you run out of money in Italy? Exactly. What did you do out there?

[Brian Stupak]

So I published an Italian book, and I was, I had this idea where I could promote it. I was going to walk the length of Italy with 100 book copies of my book in a shopping cart, and I was going to push it the length of Italy, trading it every day for food and lodging.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Brian Stupak]

And when I got to Rome, I ran out of books and ran out of money, and so I was like, you know, I was just waiting in the airport there for five days till my book royalties came in and then I flew home.

[Theo Vaughn]

All things lead to Rome, they say.

[Brian Stupak]

Isn't it right there? It is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. It's true.

[Brian Stupak]

Italy itself was actually a pivot too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Stupak]

Yeah. I, I tried to, I tried to walk Africa before that. Oh, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not a lot of book buyers out there. No, no, no.

[Brian Stupak]

That one was just for me. That was for fun. Yeah. I made it a third of the way.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow.

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Brian Stupak]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was that like?

[Brian Stupak]

It was nice. It was great. So I, I went from Cape Town, South Africa, to the Democratic Republic of Congo. So I did like all of South Africa, all Namibia, all of Angola. And then when I got to the border of the drc, I kept getting robbed. So I, who

[Theo Vaughn]

had to guess?

[Brian Stupak]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When you said kept getting robbed, how many times do you think you were robbed?

[Brian Stupak]

No, it was three. In a week and a half.

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Brian Stupak]

So it was the first time I just got jumped by, like, high school age kids. Can I show you for. It's, yeah.

[Jelly Roll]

You're gonna show me?

[Brian Stupak]

Yeah.

[Jelly Roll]

Show me like a what?

[Brian Stupak]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Michael A. Keatson]

Don't worry.

[Brian Stupak]

You're safe.

[Theo Vaughn]

You work with all those kids.

[Jelly Roll]

I'm so confused how we work went.

[Brian Stupak]

So it was. They were like. So it was like.

[Jelly Roll]

Like, you need me to stand up for this thing or something Kind of.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What? Brian, you don't have to.

[Theo Vaughn]

Let's not do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's not. Let's not make the award winning artist do anything written by you, Brian.

[Brian Stupak]

So no, they were. They weren't like. They were kind of

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

people. Hey, can I use you like a mannequin there? Just leave your Grammys at the table. Just stand up for me. I'm a random fucking open micr that has six months of experience.

[Theo Vaughn]

And Jelly's ready for it.

[Jelly Roll]

He's down to play like, fuck, I'm down, dog. At this point, I kind of want to see it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fuck. Let's go, let's go. This is still Tony, where clearly anything can happen.

[Brian Stupak]

So they were like 63120. So I'm walking behind.

[Jelly Roll]

I'm flattered.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Dedrick Flynn]

So.

[Brian Stupak]

So they're walking behind and I wasn't sure what he was trying to do. So he grabs me by the. And he like. And I was like, what? And then he kept doing it. Like he's like, you know. And so I fought them off. And that's all. You're good now.

[Matt Campbell]

That was it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just as stupid as I thought it would be. Everybody. Brian. Stupid. Needing a human for that act out.

[Brian Stupak]

Yeah. But the second time was a little bit scary. They had AK47s. They put one in my mouth.

[Theo Vaughn]

No way.

[Brian Stupak]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You get hard.

[Theo Vaughn]

And what is. Yeah, good question.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Red Band completely redeeming himself. The question everybody wanted to ask.

[Brian Stupak]

Yeah, what's up? Did it get hard?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you get hard?

[Brian Stupak]

I stay hard, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, very good.

[Michael A. Keatson]

Yeah, there we go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very good.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Hard.

[Brian Stupak]

And then the third time it was it like there were men with machine.

[Gabriel Adam]

No, no, no, no.

[Jelly Roll]

You can't just breeze through that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What exactly did they.

[Jelly Roll]

How this one happen?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What did they get out of you? What did they rob out of you?

[Brian Stupak]

At that time I. So I was in Luanda, Angola, which is the capital of Angola. And I just. I was doing a Sounds safe.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Go ahead.

[Brian Stupak]

I had a. I just had a. Like my phone and my money on me because I left. I was staying with a local there. So I had like my backpack with them. So that wasn't on me. And they.

[Jelly Roll]

You were pointing it my fanny pack.

[Brian Stupak]

No.

[Jelly Roll]

Where's the money? Okay.

[Brian Stupak]

No, it was just in my pockets. I was just going to a TV interview. It was like six in the morning.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How Much cash do you think you had on you?

[Brian Stupak]

Like 90 bucks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Brian Stupak]

Yeah. So, you know, it's like a lot there, but I was.

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah, it's a lot anywhere, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Stupak]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Especially there.

[Brian Stupak]

Yeah. So as I was walking, I was stupid. Like, I just had my phone out using gps, and I'm like, oh, yeah,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'd rob you if I saw you.

[Brian Stupak]

And then I. Yeah, as I'm. As I'm walking, there are like two guys sitting on a stoop and they ran in opposite directions. I was like, okay, this is interesting. And then they came back with AKs. And then.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, they.

[Brian Stupak]

They speak Portuguese in Angola. So, like, fika, fica, fica, fica, which means stay in Portuguese. And so I had my phone and I was just. Was just like, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, exactly.

[Brian Stupak]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They could have used those guns that just say, bang, the flag comes out.

[Brian Stupak]

Well, it was frustrating because they were. It was. It was like a 5 foot 2 inch. It was like Kevin Hart was robbing me. You know, it was like. It was really emasculating.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Stupak]

And then one of the guys, when he was emptying my pockets, I did have my sunscreen on me. And it was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah, the one thing they allowed you to keep.

[Brian Stupak]

No, they took that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They took that, too.

[Brian Stupak]

And I was like, you don't need this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Brian Stupak]

You know, but what happened was the guy dropped it and that panicked the other guy with the gun, and he, like, hit me and, like, put it. He's like. I was like, I'm not even doing anything.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. And then the third time.

[Brian Stupak]

So I was. I was at the border of the DRC and I was walking, and guys walked by me, and they was a fisherman group. So it's like one guy's carrying fish, another three are carrying machetes.

[Theo Vaughn]

And so they like, oh, the old fish machete trick.

[Brian Stupak]

So that sounds bad, but it's not terribly uncommon in that part of the world. You see people watching with machetes.

[Gabriel Adam]

Like, they're.

[Brian Stupak]

I'd walked hundreds of miles with people with machetes, so. But these people. What made it sketchy was they turned around and they started following me. And I was like, all right, maybe I dropped something. I didn't. So I picked up my speed. They picked up their speed. I started jogging. They started jogging, took off into the jungle. Then they chased me into the jungle. But there's like. Like the brush was about this high, so I, like. I found a spot to hide, and they're like, looking for me for like, 45 minutes. I'm like, hiding on top of my back. And then they eventually left, but I waited another few hours because they could have just been waiting on the road, you know, of course. And I'm, like, hearing things rustle in the bushes this whole time. And the previous week or so, I'd seen half a dozen black mambas or so across the road. So I'm just like, maybe it's time to come home.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd say so.

[Theo Vaughn]

Tell the world I'm coming.

[Brian Stupak]

Can we still sing Diddy?

[Theo Vaughn]

Huh? What? Who sings that?

[Brian Stupak]

Diddy?

[Theo Vaughn]

Is it really?

[Luke Robinson]

Yeah.

[Theo Vaughn]

Oh, I didn't know that. I like. Yeah, I just like the song.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here's a medium joke book, my friend. There goes Brian. Appreciate you guys. Everybody. We're flying through it here tonight. Yeah, some things are impossible to miss,

[Theo Vaughn]

like an elephant in the room or

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

a bull in a china shop. Or this season's amazing offers brought to you by PayPal. Discover offers from hundreds of brands like Viator, Allbirds and Tory Burch right in the PayPal app. Save an offer before you check out with PayPal and ear unlimited rewards. Download the PayPal app to get started.

[Theo Vaughn]

Terms and exclusions apply.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

See paypal.com rewardsterms

[Jelly Roll]

what's the difference between

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

butter and butter made from real California dairy? It's the real California farm families behind it. Real people, real care, real intention. Why? Because real matter. So whether you're pouring milk, melting cheese, or just grabbing one more spoonful of yogurt, keep it real.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Look for the seal. Real California milk by real California farm families.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys still having fun out there? You get it? Make some noise for your next bucket bowl. Ladies and gentlemen, it's Luke Robinson, everybody. Luke Robinson.

[Luke Robinson]

Elon Musk is making Neuralink so people can talk to their pets. Oh, now they can tell us just how much they love us. I don't know, but I've thought about it fucking a lot. Imagine dog dads having the neuter talk after a painful conversation about cutting their balls off. They'd be like, please, pop, I promised to keep my pecker in my pants. Dudes would be so traumatized, they'd never neuter dogs ever again. And the stray population would go way out of control. And if dogs didn't talk, they could understand tv. Imagine coming home to find your dog watching AOC on C Span.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Poppy.

[Luke Robinson]

She's so smart. Next day, dogs on the doorstep of a shelter. Walter with a note. Good dog, but he's a Democrat. Thank you. I'm Luke Robinson. They call me your big dog.

[Brian Stupak]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Luke Robinson. Amazing. Very, very compelling. It's very.

[Theo Vaughn]

Good job, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Luke, welcome, welcome. How long have you been doing stand up comedy?

[Luke Robinson]

This is my fifth time on stage.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fifth time talking to that microphone. Fifth time, obviously, on stage. And how did the other four times go?

[Luke Robinson]

First time was in Memphis. No, I'm sorry. First time was in Little Rock. Memphis was second, Third was Creek, third was LOL in San Antonio. And that's when I got my first positive feedback from the audience that my writing is really solid. I do a lot of dog jokes. I'm a big dog guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You specialize in dog material. I noticed that.

[Luke Robinson]

I do.

[Lil Mozzarella]

I lost.

[Luke Robinson]

I've lost three dogs of cancer. I've walked 4,200.

[Ari Matty]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, starting with how many dogs you've lost to cancer is something else. That is incredible.

[Anthony Martin]

What do you.

[Theo Vaughn]

Where you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What?

[Luke Robinson]

High five.

[Theo Vaughn]

You lost three dogs to cancer?

[Luke Robinson]

Not. Not all at the same time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is going on?

[Luke Robinson]

Are you still.

[Theo Vaughn]

Dude, quit doing that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you giving them cigarettes?

[Luke Robinson]

I should cut back on the cools, right? Yeah.

[Theo Vaughn]

Well, what are you doing, man?

[Luke Robinson]

Well, my first one was bone cancer, and that was in Boston.

[Theo Vaughn]

Look, I know, yes, bone cancer happens in Boston, but what I'm saying is, dude, give it up and do something else.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Yeah.

[Luke Robinson]

Not get a dog. Absolutely. Unfortunately, I'm on my fifth Pyrenees, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you started with, how many dogs have died under your tutelage? How many have survived? Do you have any living dogs?

[Luke Robinson]

I have one. He's three legged, though, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. What has happened? How did. How did your dog lose its leg?

[Luke Robinson]

Well, that was abuse before me. Not, not me. I got him.

[Dedrick Flynn]

They.

[Luke Robinson]

The people before him left him outside tied to a tree. It lacerated his leg. They amputated and I, I. Before I got him, I fostered him and he was like, poppy, I'll be the best son to you. Please adopt me. I signed the papers after that. He's been the most ungrateful Great Pyrenees I've ever had.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's great.

[Luke Robinson]

Ungrateful, ungrateful Great Pyrenees.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Check in with jelly Roll here.

[Charles Haycock]

This is.

[Jelly Roll]

This is really close to sounding like a jelly roll song.

[Luke Robinson]

Well, my. My exit kind of. I kind of. Actually, my first dog kind of is. Is I. I moved to Boston. My first dog got cancer. My girlfriend left me and she took the truck. So I totally became a country song.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Matt Campbell]

Cliche.

[Luke Robinson]

But I ended up walking. After losing three dogs, I've walked a total of 4,250 miles. Sort of the foundation where we tried to understand why Dogs get cancer like people. So I try to turn the loss.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you walk across America or Africa?

[Luke Robinson]

America. Three different times. Austin to Boston was my first one.

[Theo Vaughn]

Wow.

[Luke Robinson]

Then the west coast from Canada, Mexico was my second one. My last one, my third one was the entire length of the Hudson river because I lost. Hudson was the third dog I lost to cancer.

[Ari Matty]

So.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Jelly Roll]

Yeah.

[Theo Vaughn]

And.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh.

[Theo Vaughn]

And round of applause for doing that. Man. That's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Red Band takes a petty cab to his condo four blocks away. I'm a cat guy, but he's also going to lose a leg soon. So you can join me on my next.

[Luke Robinson]

On my next walk. You enjoy me, but I have to lose another dog.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cancer first. He's.

[Theo Vaughn]

What was the bet? What was your favorite walk to be on? Be honest. That's just interesting. Somebody that walked as much that many places.

[Luke Robinson]

Austin to Boston was the best one. That was 2300 miles over two years with my two dogs.

[Theo Vaughn]

So why was it the best though?

[Luke Robinson]

I, I, I, that's kind of hard. The west coast was. The west coast was just weird altogether. And they say they're animal friendly, but when you look like a homeless guy walking with a dog, they don't treat you like that, like you're part of there. So it was just a different experience. I find the people from the Austin to Boston. I walked across 16 states, including D.C. and the people were just incredible. It was just like nothing. Nothing you see on tv, nothing could speak to that experience. It's just like selling all your stuff, putting everything in storage and just walking with your dogs cross country. It was so much grace and glory in that experience.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do you make money?

[Luke Robinson]

Look at me, I'm 55. I'm up here on the stage trying out for our economy. I've been doing this since I lost my first dog 20 years ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've been doing what?

[Luke Robinson]

Not living in the nonprofit world, trying to solve canine cancer, Companion animal cancer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you think solving canine cancer is more important than solving human cancer?

[Luke Robinson]

Well, what science has taught us. This is the interesting thing, especially with dog cancer. It's pretty much the same thing. 90% of all cancers dogs get that people get. Look, they look the same, they act the same. It's kind of one of the things that science has taught us.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Theo Vaughn]

Do people say a lot of it's from Chobani yogurt? You seen all of that?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yeah. Could be dogs.

[Theo Vaughn]

Allegedly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do dogs get more breast cancer than normal animals? Because all the nipples and stuff.

[Luke Robinson]

Yes, they do get.

[Jelly Roll]

Great question.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do they?

[Luke Robinson]

Yeah, they do. Get mammary cancer.

[Jelly Roll]

Have you ever been fat?

[Luke Robinson]

Have I been what?

[Jelly Roll]

Have you ever been fat?

[Luke Robinson]

Fat? Yeah, absolutely. I'm a toy. Yeah. I used to be a sugar guy. Totally.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Yeah.

[Jelly Roll]

Like how. Have you lost a lot of weight?

[Luke Robinson]

A lot, yeah.

[Jelly Roll]

How much?

[Luke Robinson]

Probably about £100. I know you have. You look fantastic, by the way. Cheers.

[Jelly Roll]

I can tell. I know my kind when I see them.

[Lil Mozzarella]

You look.

[Jelly Roll]

Yeah, you look like you got Ed Gaines lampshades under there. I know that feeling like happening right here too.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Dude.

[Ari Matty]

It's bad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that's very, very funny. Very true. Observation by Jelly Roll. I'm now looking at it. Your belt is made of belt loops. There are belt around the titties everywhere.

[Jelly Roll]

The titties is where you're supposed to look. You can see the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You got.

[Jelly Roll]

That is skin where titties once was. I'm struggling with the same thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Absolutely incredible. So let me ask you this. What's your love life like? You're out there walking dogs. Three legged dogs. You must get a lot of.

[Jelly Roll]

Well, it's a lot better than it was £100 ago. I can promise you that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Luke Robinson]

No, when you're on the road and you're walking, man, you smell like basically piss and dog ass all the time. Look like a homeless guy. So there's. Yeah. So it's been a while since I've had, you know, I just. It's been a dry spell. So it's been a long time.

[Brian Stupak]

So.

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah, that's okay.

[Luke Robinson]

Yeah.

[Theo Vaughn]

What was I gonna say something? Oh, do you. Do you have a. What, what is your. Your non profit called?

[Luke Robinson]

It's Puppy Up. So like some people down in Texas say cowboy up or man up. We puppy up. So that was my battle cry from our first walk because I knew it was gonna be long and hard.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hard.

[Luke Robinson]

So we puppy up, y'.

[Jelly Roll]

All.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely adorable.

[Luke Robinson]

We all have to puppy up in life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Definitely. Here you go, my friend. There's a medium sized joke. Oh, wow. You got a little dog in you. There he goes. Ladies and gentlemen, Luke Robinson. There he goes. There he goes. Very dog cancer heavy. Eight minutes. That was you guys still hanging in there. Next notes for your next bucket pool. Matt Campbell, everybody. Matt Campbell. Here we go.

[Matt Campbell]

Hello. Has anyone got crap nicknames? Show of hands if they have a crap nickname? No, just me. Fuck you guys.

[Lil Mozzarella]

All right.

[Matt Campbell]

No, I just wanted to say. Cause like, you know when you get a crap nickname like booger face or like numpty or something horrible like that Jelly Roll. Maybe you could attest. Maybe you could attest. I don't know. But it always comes from the ones you love, you know what I mean? It's never from people you hate. Like my granddad when I was a fat kid, called me Buster Bacon. Not as bad as my little brother. He called him Adolph. And his justification for that was is whenever he screamed, he got exactly what he wanted. I mean, he could have called him Donald. It would have worked the same. Sorry. Though my dad sealed the name deal with my brother because my brother came out of the closet and his name's Benedict. That's already. I'm British. My brother's name is Benedict. I'm already at a good start. And my brother on the couch just yells, dad, the door is ringing. And my dad just goes, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Over his time. Matt Campbell. Welcome, Matt. You want to finish that or was it. Were you done there?

[Matt Campbell]

Well, I was just. I was just gonna say my brother brother's name was Bendy Dick after that. That was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right, well, what are you, English?

[Lil Mozzarella]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. How long you been in America?

[Matt Campbell]

I've been in America about nine years now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Brian Stupak]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Where at?

[Matt Campbell]

I lived in Colorado Springs for like eight years and then I moved here like seven months ago. So like almost nine years I've been in America. If I do the math right. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What school did you go to? Hogwarts.

[Matt Campbell]

I do look like a bit of like. I'm wearing like a Weasley sweater right now. It's not. Fuck.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for work?

[Matt Campbell]

I wait tables now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Matt Campbell]

I used to be a valet at W Hotel, but now I wait tables.

[Brian Stupak]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where you waitin tables at?

[Matt Campbell]

Cousin Louie's Shout Out. Cousin Louie's up at Dripping Springs. Great place to work.

[Michael A. Keatson]

Work.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. And that's where you live, Dripping Springs?

[Matt Campbell]

Yeah. No, I don't live there. I live just 10 minutes outside of town, so it's a bit of a drive.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have to drive a long time.

[Matt Campbell]

It's worth it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Minutes.

[Matt Campbell]

The money's pretty good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Theo Vaughn]

And are you Welsh, lad?

[Matt Campbell]

No, not a drop.

[Theo Vaughn]

Not a drop. And what does it mean to be Welsh?

[Matt Campbell]

What it means to be Welsh is you shag sheep for fun. I'll stand by that. Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah,

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah. I don't know him. I'm just being curious about him.

[Jelly Roll]

Talk to me about the nickname. What was it again?

[Matt Campbell]

Buster Bacon.

[Jelly Roll]

It was Buster Bacon.

[Matt Campbell]

Yeah.

[Jelly Roll]

They were going to call me Fat Beck at first and then because I like jelly donuts and my mama didn't know the difference between a jelly donut and a goddamn jelly roll. That she called me Jelly Roll.

[Matt Campbell]

That was it. Cuz I ate bacon sandwiches. That's the same thing.

[Jelly Roll]

That's a true. Did a lot of people have nicknames where you're from?

[Matt Campbell]

Mostly like rude names like Knob Ed, Wanker. There's a couple other ones.

[Jelly Roll]

But like we. I mean we did that too. But we would make that would be their name. Like we had one named Shit Stain. I'm not making this up. And we all called him his whole life. I never knew his real name to this day. Shout out. I love you baby. I ain't seen you in a while. I miss you dog.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Shout out to Do Brown.

[Jelly Roll]

I had a do Bug. A tingling.

[Matt Campbell]

You had tingling.

[Jelly Roll]

There was a tingling. This is all true nicknames. You came to the neighborhood with nicknames too, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, yeah, but I actually a little fun fact since you brought it up is we once did in Nashville, Tennessee a roast of Jelly Roll. And you're a smart guy cuz you did your roast when you were still humongous and you gave us a lot to work with. And I just so happen happened to search my phone for Jelly Roll Roast and I found an entire file of jokes that I did on Jelly Roll.

[Theo Vaughn]

I said here a couple jelly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I said jelly Roll is Lizzo for rednecks. I called him Leonard Skidmark. Hold on. Limp Biscuit and Gravy. This is a long file. I did a lot of jokes that night. There's a lot there. Jelly Roll is your favorite musician. If your favorite meal is corn dog, there's a lot here. I don't even know where to begin.

[Theo Vaughn]

You already started.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. This is a gigantic file. I know. There's a part where they've been going

[Matt Campbell]

a while now building jelly year old.

[Theo Vaughn]

Been going a bit lad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

If you could see what page. You could see what I'm.

[Jelly Roll]

He's still scrolling.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Jelly Roll]

I thought we were friends.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's a part where I had all the more personal at the end. I remember I went on a run of banned music puns but now I've lost. I can't find it now.

[Jelly Roll]

It not give anything to hear that

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

it's a live show.

[Theo Vaughn]

You're more of a churro now though, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, I was going to say

[Matt Campbell]

all of God and breadstick but you know he's doing well. Sinclair, Sinclair.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us more about your gay British life.

[Theo Vaughn]

Is it fun being British or does it just seem like it's whatever. Does it even seem like you're doing

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

anything I, I, I did recently.

[Theo Vaughn]

It seems so docile and fucking confused and librarianish.

[Matt Campbell]

I, I did get asked for my papers recently. That was a, that was a fun experience at, like, you know.

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah.

[Matt Campbell]

At my job. Just trying to wait tables.

[Theo Vaughn]

Oh, yeah?

[Jelly Roll]

Yeah.

[Theo Vaughn]

What'd they think you were?

[Matt Campbell]

I don't know. I have no idea what they thought I was. I said, hello, madam. How can I help you today? Where are your papers? That was the first thing before I could even get to the menu.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Matt Campbell]

Just trying to give us some, like, eggplant rollatini or something.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do you do with the ladies? How does that.

[Matt Campbell]

I've got a girlfriend.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Matt Campbell]

She's Texan, she's in Colorado, but she's from Wyoming.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. How's that going?

[Matt Campbell]

It's going pretty good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys talk on the phone a lot?

[Matt Campbell]

It is, it is a lot. On FaceTime.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You guys have phone sex?

[Matt Campbell]

Nah, I can't do it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really, dude.

[Matt Campbell]

It's too weird, bro. Also, I don't know who the fuck's listening, dude. You guys are all cool with that? You have no idea who's listening. You're like, you just like, flicking your bean and just going, eh, eh. Did you, did you interrupt the call?

[Anthony Martin]

What the fuck was that?

[Matt Campbell]

I just figured we're going to be listening to, like, all of us are going to have, like, our porn soundtracks whenever we do something too famous. You know what I mean? Just coming out, I'd be worried.

[Theo Vaughn]

Would you, lad? Sorry, I'm just joking.

[Matt Campbell]

See, my accent's not funny. It's other people doing my accent, which is funny.

[Theo Vaughn]

I love British people, dude. I like Scottish people. Actually, I've got a bit Irish people and I like British people.

[Matt Campbell]

You haven't exactly narrowed it down, but, yes, we're doing well.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's the craziest gig you've done here in America? Stand up wise.

[Matt Campbell]

I, I did a show in Houston where they were all. It was like a drug bazaar.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Drug bazaar? Drug bazaar. Like a market, man. What do you mean, drug? Bizarre.

[Matt Campbell]

Like, everyone was just like, like, I went, I went to like, like go to the green room and on my way, it's just like, tables full of, like, molly, acid weed, mushrooms.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where.

[Matt Campbell]

This is Houston. This is Houston.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where exactly in Houston is this table?

[Matt Campbell]

I could, I could find, like, the details on my phone later.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We don't really.

[Jelly Roll]

I have prayed for a green room like that my entire career. This is how I imagined the 80s were before phones existed.

[Matt Campbell]

It felt a little bit like that.

[Jelly Roll]

Dope everywhere and People having fun.

[Theo Vaughn]

Dude, I got this thing one time, so I had to do a comedy show at. There was something at, like, the Golden Bridge or whatever in California. It's like the really nice bridge.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Golden Gate Bridge.

[Theo Vaughn]

Golden Gate Bridge.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Jelly Roll]

Even.

[Matt Campbell]

Even I know that one, Theo.

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah, Well, I don't need. Yeah, I don't. Yeah, that's what it is. And so anyway, I do this thing, and it's all. It's like a weed conference, right? And my set was at, like, 11:15 or something at night. I get up and there's nobody in there. There's like, one dude who's dressed like a boat captain or something. This is go. He's lost. And somebody left somebody up front that, like, had left a sibling up front that was kind of mentally ill or whatever. Whatever, you know, one of God's oysters or whatever.

[Jelly Roll]

And.

[Theo Vaughn]

But, bro, they didn't put, like, a little sign on him or anything, so I'm. This dude is, like, giving me a lot of grief, and. And I. They got me so high before the thing, bro. It was just so. It was embarrassing and sad, bro, and I. It was just like. God, that was harrowing, bro. That was harrowing.

[Matt Campbell]

I mean, I would. This sounds.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Careful.

[Theo Vaughn]

That's why we left her country, dude, so we could do like that.

[Matt Campbell]

I tell you what. It's why I left. That's for sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Matt Campbell, congratulations. There's a little joke. There he goes. Matt Campbell, everybody. I keep it moving along here. We're flying right through it. To the next one we go. Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket bowl goes by the name of Anthony Martin, everybody. Anthony Martin. Here comes Anthony. Okay.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Hello.

[Anthony Martin]

I'm in a YouTube rabbit hole right now. Anyone else? Yeah. I'm into young bros beating up pedophiles on the Internet. Have you seen this? Oh, my goodness. It's phenomenal the way it works. It's like, young bro starts catfishing a pedophile, meets him out in a Walmart. He's just like, hey, you looking for Rebecca?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm Rebecca. Duh.

[Anthony Martin]

Just hits him, bounces off the chips aisle.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's like, leave me alone.

[Anthony Martin]

He's running through. He crashes through a giant soda tower that looks like the University of Texas. And I like these videos, but I start to feel guilty when you find out that these guys, they have autism or mental disabilities or they're running for reelection. And I just feel guilty. I feel guilty. I was texting with my fiance the other day, and I was saying all the dirty stuff of, like, yeah, I'm A ticket down, flip you around all over town and all that. And I not good at it. But I send a text and I immediately get a response back from my mother in law said, anthony, never text me that again. Come say it to my face.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Anthony Martin, everybody. Hell yeah. Funny stuff. Anthony, where are you from?

[Anthony Martin]

I'm from Burbank, California.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Wow. The former home of the Tonight Show. Yeah. Red Band used to live there. I used to live there. What part of Burbank exactly? I used to live Alameda and Victory.

[Anthony Martin]

No, Maripusa. All right. On Glen Oak Oaks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Glen Oaks.

[Anthony Martin]

And I don't want to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you still live there?

[Anthony Martin]

My family still lives there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow.

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We don't want these fans.

[Anthony Martin]

I don't want these down.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your family. It's a bunch of angry pedophiles. Your son was making jokes about us getting beaten up. Your son? Wait, no, we'll. Your son?

[Anthony Martin]

Yeah, bring me your son.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Anthony, what do you do for a living?

[Anthony Martin]

I work in property management.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. How long you been doing stand up?

[Matt Campbell]

Stand up?

[Anthony Martin]

Almost 10 years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

10 years. And you're managing property in Burbank?

[Anthony Martin]

No, I live in Portland, Oregon right now. I got engaged and that's where her family lives.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right.

[Theo Vaughn]

Portland's nice.

[Anthony Martin]

It is nice people.

[Theo Vaughn]

It gets like a crazy rap because of all, like the people. Like the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, because all the people that live there.

[Theo Vaughn]

No, just like the Renaissance fair people fighting. The gay addicts or whatever. Whatever the is. You know what I'm saying? The. That was on the Internet. That. But you go there, dude. It's freaking cool, man.

[Anthony Martin]

Yeah, the food there is great. I really like the food.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, they do have good food. There's that one big food court. You know what I'm talking about?

[Theo Vaughn]

I didn't eat while I was there, but we had a great time.

[Jelly Roll]

Donuts is from.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Anthony Martin]

Voodoo Donuts I think is from Portland, Oregon.

[Theo Vaughn]

Is that true?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is it? Yes.

[Theo Vaughn]

Wow.

[Anthony Martin]

Or I'm wrong.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. I would not angry, man. This is the kind of shit I would know.

[Jelly Roll]

This is the value I bring to tonight's show.

[Anthony Martin]

You know the origin story of every donut place. They call me Jelly Roll for a reason.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Our origin story.

[Jelly Roll]

Only the ones that are legal as marijuana states.

[Anthony Martin]

Oh, okay.

[Theo Vaughn]

From a small dozen in Antioch.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Anthony, where'd you meet this girl at Funny enough?

[Anthony Martin]

Tinder.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yeah, she was in Portland and you were in Burbank. And you're like, what's up?

[Anthony Martin]

Well, we. We met in California and then, funny story, I knew I loved her. From, like, the moment we met. Like, I met her and I was like, God, I love her so much. And it's, like, creepy. I know. I know. I know how it felt. And then. No, no, no, no. Fuck, no.

[Gabriel Adam]

Are you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you insane?

[Theo Vaughn]

Say it. It's insane. No, you have to not say it.

[Anthony Martin]

No. I met her. I knew that immediately. And then she told me she was moving to Portland, Oregon. And I was like, oh, fuck. And then I was like, oh, yeah, that's cool. That's fine. We wrap up the date and I go back to my car, and I'm, like, punching the passenger seat, like, God damn it. We end up meeting up a few years later, and it just. She couldn't let me go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Amazing. Luckily, she did not see you beating your passenger seat aggressively right after the date.

[Jelly Roll]

This could be you.

[Anthony Martin]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

May have scared her away. So you just ran into her a few years later or.

[Anthony Martin]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did that happen?

[Anthony Martin]

Covid.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, Covid. So you guys were, like, chatting again?

[Anthony Martin]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then you.

[Anthony Martin]

She was not texting me back that often, so. Ladies, if there's a guy that's not. That's texting you a lot and you're not texting him back that much, fuck you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So. That's a good point. That's a good point. What does she do in Portland? What does she sell on Etsy?

[Anthony Martin]

She's a crystal farmer? No, she does remote medical work. More complicated than I can explain.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, absolutely.

[Theo Vaughn]

Telehealth.

[Anthony Martin]

Somewhat. I don't know. I know something. Insurance stuff.

[Theo Vaughn]

It's popular.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yeah, it sounds about right.

[Theo Vaughn]

Telehealth.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You're managing properties, so that's like, apartments in Portland.

[Anthony Martin]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what's some of the crazy stuff that you've had to do? What's some bad stuff that you've seen?

[Anthony Martin]

Well, I used to live here in Austin. I have.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

For how long? How long?

[Jelly Roll]

How.

[Anthony Martin]

How dark of a story can I tell you? Tony?

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's go.

[Anthony Martin]

So.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Brought to you by Shopify, Talkspace, Prize Picks and Fly.

[Anthony Martin]

I was. Yeah, shout them out. I was working here in Austin, Texas, a few years ago, and, you know, close to the office, there was a smell, a peculiar smell that no one. We're like, man, what's this? We gotta find the source of the smell. And eventually we found a dead body.

[Theo Vaughn]

Wow.

[Anthony Martin]

Yes. It had been dead for about. It's.

[Brian Stupak]

He.

[Anthony Martin]

That was a person. He had killed himself maybe like three months ago. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And it was just in the apartment. He, like, Right in the apartment. He prepaid his rent or Whatever. Well, that.

[Anthony Martin]

The reason why we couldn't find him is because he had auto pay on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow. That's probably.

[Anthony Martin]

I don't like my job. And the idea that they got extra money from this guy who was dead kind of bugs me. Yeah, but. Yeah, yeah.

[Theo Vaughn]

Say his name.

[Anthony Martin]

So we find his body. No, no, I'm gonna say his mom's name, but that's because it's relevant to the story. Because at a certain point, his mom showed up. No one could find his next of kin. His file was so old, we couldn't. It was a younger guy. His mom shows up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

His dog had cancer.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Go ahead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Go ahead. Then what happened?

[Anthony Martin]

But his mom shows up and she's like, hey, I'm looking for my son. And she points to that apartment right there, the one with the smell and all that. And I was just an assistant at the time. And I go to my manager. She had a family member die recently. She couldn't speak. She left the office. I had to deliver the news. I had to deliver the news.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can you tell us how you broke it?

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah. You want to do a reenactment with Jelly Roll?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, Jelly Roll.

[Theo Vaughn]

Let's see it. Is that okay?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, absolutely. No, we love this.

[Anthony Martin]

Sit, ma', am, sit down. I just. I wanted to. There's no easy way to say this. He dead? He died. He's dead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow.

[Anthony Martin]

Dead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Somebody said, When you broke the news to her, did you leave out the part like, did. Did she ask. How did she. I mean, she had no idea. Her.

[Anthony Martin]

We didn't know. We.

[Theo Vaughn]

Man, tell us, dude. We all came here tonight.

[Anthony Martin]

We didn't know at the time.

[Dedrick Flynn]

He.

[Anthony Martin]

He shot his face with a shotgun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Dedrick Flynn]

God. Bro.

[Anthony Martin]

Well, hold on. I blame. So his neighbors didn't hear anything. That's fucking wild. His neighbors were just like, I don't. That's not my business. Like, what a fucking.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Anthony Martin]

That's nuts.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you happen to tell the mom that his body was decomposing for months before he was found?

[Anthony Martin]

Yeah, no, I did. We. I kind of walked her through the beginning of the story. We had suspicions there was a smell in the apartment. We called the police. They found the body. Because you never want, like, one of your maintenance guys to, like, walk in there and have that on their conscience. Yeah, but I was sitting on the ground holding her hand while she, by the way, whales. I'll never be able to forget. They only gave me one day off of work.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Theo Vaughn]

Who do you mean by they?

[Anthony Martin]

Well, I still have to work with them, so I'M gonna.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The old lord of the land. The land lord, Lord of all the lands.

[Anthony Martin]

I'm not lording over any land. I don't own any of this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, I know. I'm talking about there's a big rich

[Anthony Martin]

guy and he just tells me he's like, going to the apartments and I'm like, I don't. We. That's illegal. The rich people have no idea. Is this guy blind?

[Dedrick Flynn]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Anthony Martin]

Okay, never mind.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That guy's blind, though.

[Anthony Martin]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why, why are you curious about who's blind around you?

[Theo Vaughn]

Black on the inside, black on the outside. You feel me?

[Anthony Martin]

You were way more cross eyed a second ago. Maybe you just relaxed a little too much. It's fine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He was just trying to focus on you. He's sitting in the closest seat.

[Anthony Martin]

He's trying to look at both of my ears at the same time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. So you found a dead body. And that's a hell of a fucking. That's a hell of a thing.

[Luke Robinson]

Yeah.

[Anthony Martin]

So the point I wanted to get to is I'm. I'm holding the mom's hand, she's wailing, she's crying. And I asked her, I'm trying to comfort her. I'm like, what's your name? And she's like, I'm gay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, shit.

[Anthony Martin]

Her name is like Gaylord. But just the gay part. I tried not to laugh. That's not a. Yeah, that's a terrible. It's so dark.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But to be fair, he had been

[Anthony Martin]

dead for like a month. Like, I was over it, right? Yeah, I was over it. I was finding the humor.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Anthony Martin]

We were already making jokes around the office that he was haunting the place.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Anthony Martin]

And that's that story. I'm sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that's great. Fun stuff. Fun set, fun interview. Anthony Martin, ladies and gentlemen. Gentlemen. Here you go, Anthony. Boom. Big joke book. There he goes. Let's get one more bucket pull out of here. Ladies and gentlemen, your final bucket poll of the night. Goes by the name of Gabriel Adam, everybody. Gabriel Adam.

[Gabriel Adam]

I. I recently learned, man, I don't think I just have to stand up here and make no jokes and you guys would all be cracking up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, this is great. I honestly, I love this.

[Gabriel Adam]

I recently learned there's some jokes you can't make in stand up comedy. Last week I did this joke about beating my girlfriend. This guy knows what's going on. And now I can't fucking find her. I'm not sure who went and told her, but somebody gave her the courage to leave. And now I can't I'm still trying to figure out how she chewed through the chains. That beaver toothed bitch. Fucking. She nibbled away to my heart. I don't know what else to tell you. Seriously, though, if anybody sees her, tell her come home.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. There you go. Gabriel Adam, one of the most interesting looking people we've ever seen in our lives. The verdict is in. You look hilarious. Theo Vaughn, Wonderful.

[Theo Vaughn]

Give it up for comic McGregor right here. That was kind of cheap, man. I'm sorry. No, but it is nice. You come out and people. Dude, the fact you got. You got 25 seconds of free laughs,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, it's good. Great.

[Gabriel Adam]

Feels good.

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah. Probably made it a little bit easier. Did it?

[Gabriel Adam]

No, not at all.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, it is so exciting. Dang.

[Theo Vaughn]

I was hoping that would have helped.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You never know who will pop out here. Having the Buc EE's mascot come out right now is just absolutely incredible.

[Gabriel Adam]

I'm still waiting for that brand deal money. I mean, anytime now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very rare is someone both frightening and adorable at the same time. But somehow you kind of pull off both. Tell us about this life of you. I cannot wait to find out about this life.

[Jelly Roll]

Oh, God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old are you?

[Gabriel Adam]

I'm 31 years old.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, 31. Wow.

[Theo Vaughn]

You look great. Like you do. He looks good. Looks. I mean, pretty good. I don't look at you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at guys.

[Gabriel Adam]

It's the Lucky Charms. You know, I keep eating them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so let's talk about it. Where are you from?

[Gabriel Adam]

I'm from Austin, Minnesota.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. Oh, okay. All right.

[Anthony Martin]

Yeah.

[Gabriel Adam]

You guys don't know where that is.

[Jelly Roll]

Don't lie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Where do you live now?

[Gabriel Adam]

I live in Austin, Texas now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. How long have you lived here?

[Gabriel Adam]

I've been here for about a month and a half.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What made you move here?

[Gabriel Adam]

Your show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. How long have you been doing stand up?

[Gabriel Adam]

A month and a half.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so you started a month and a half ago. This is amazing. We're getting down to the bottom of it. I love it. Do you have a job here Austin yet?

[Gabriel Adam]

I do. I'm an Uber driver.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing.

[Gabriel Adam]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that what you did in Austin, Minnesota as well?

[Gabriel Adam]

No, no, no, no, not at all. I was a car salesman.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What kind of cars were you selling?

[Gabriel Adam]

I started with Subarus and then I went to Fords, and then I went to Kias and wanted to kill myself, so I stopped.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Lil Mozzarella]

Why did you choose those?

[Gabriel Adam]

Well, Subaru in Minnesota is super easy to sell.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Gabriel Adam]

All wheel drive, everybody.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Liberal bulldikes up there, so. Yeah. And then you went to Ford. So you had to sell to actual men. I'd imagine that was hard.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you're like, I'm going to Kia's and.

[Gabriel Adam]

Well, it was complicated actually. I had a fling with one of the clerks behind the desk and it turned out kind of bad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So is that at Ford or Kia?

[Gabriel Adam]

That was at Ford.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Jelly Roll]

Yeah.

[Theo Vaughn]

Well, you seem like a character from Tires, dude. You really do. I mean that as a compliment, dude.

[Gabriel Adam]

I take it as a compliment.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like a character.

[Gabriel Adam]

Hell yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah.

[Gabriel Adam]

I love that show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Absolutely. So what kind of drugs have you done in your Life to look 55 at 31?

[Jelly Roll]

I've done.

[Gabriel Adam]

I've done pretty much every drug under the sun, my friend. Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely.

[Theo Vaughn]

And what was your doc? Is that what you guys call it? Yeah, what was your doc?

[Gabriel Adam]

I don't know what that means.

[Jelly Roll]

Drug of choice, voice.

[Gabriel Adam]

Oh, LSD all day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Jelly Roll]

Really?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it looks like it.

[Ari Matty]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Looks like. It looks like you rode here from Minnesota on a rocket ship. Yeah, like riding. Riding it just like.

[Gabriel Adam]

Ah. I figured if they can send a million of them to Ukraine, I could borrow one.

[Jelly Roll]

When is the last time you did lsd?

[Gabriel Adam]

About two months ago.

[Jelly Roll]

Tell me about it.

[Gabriel Adam]

That was an interesting experience. I watched this documentary on Liquid or paper?

[Jelly Roll]

Paper.

[Gabriel Adam]

Paper.

[Theo Vaughn]

Really?

[Gabriel Adam]

Yes, sir.

[Jelly Roll]

Okay, let's go.

[Gabriel Adam]

1995.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fear and Loathing in Minnesota.

[Theo Vaughn]

Old fashioned. He's a romanticist.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what'd you do after taking the paper acid in Minnesota?

[Gabriel Adam]

Well, I had this really sick 4k home theater setup. So I had this like 128 inches of beautiful glorify. You know, it was a but initiation is this documentary on Gaia about like the dimensions and how fucking life is put together and it was beautiful. I like shot out of my body like four times and came back just laughing hysterically.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Sounds like a blast.

[Gabriel Adam]

Hell yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you notice that you looked different after that trip?

[Gabriel Adam]

It fucking changed me, that's for goddamn sure. Absolutely, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible. What's your love life like?

[Gabriel Adam]

Oh, it's non existent right now. I signed up for Sex Addicts Anonymous recently just to kind of see if I could meet somebody there. That was a. It was a terrible idea.

[Theo Vaughn]

Did you really?

[Gabriel Adam]

I swear to God.

[Theo Vaughn]

How did you sign up? I think there's a lot of zooms you can just go to.

[Gabriel Adam]

Well, when I. When I showed up, I actually walked through the wrong door and it was just like five geriatric like 80 year old people. And I was really concerned at first, you know. It turned out to be an Alcoholics Anonymous Meeting there, but just a bunch of gay dudes talking about getting in

[Matt Campbell]

the butt a lot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that's where we met. I knew I recognized you from somewhere. You're the guy that walked in and came out. There you go. Thank you. Red bands. One fart noise per episode.

[Gabriel Adam]

Beautiful.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. So. Wow. That's who goes to sex addict.

[Gabriel Adam]

People that look like me, apparently.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. What made you go to that? Like, what makes you think that you're a sex addict?

[Gabriel Adam]

You know, sometimes I think I look a little bit too long at the gym.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, like staring at women at

[Gabriel Adam]

the gym, you know, like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sure. That doesn't bother them at all when

[Gabriel Adam]

they don't see me doing it. No. Usually.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where do you like to hide? What do you hide behind when you do it? What's your favorite hobby? Hiding spot at the gym to watch women work out. The first time I've asked that question in 13 years.

[Gabriel Adam]

Oh, beautiful. Glad we can get some firsts. Just whatever machine I'm using, you know, just kind of peek a little bit behind, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Gabriel Adam]

I'm actually pretty blatant about it. I really don't hide it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. That's good. I like that. But you haven't been with a woman since you've been in Austin.

[Gabriel Adam]

I have not. No. I've had a few in my car, but that's because I drive.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you kissed a woman since you've been in Austin?

[Gabriel Adam]

No, I haven't kissed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know what? We have a little statement we're coming up towards the end day of the the episode. We've been doing a thing on this show for 13 years where we asked if a lovely lady from the audience Pets the courage. We have the best fan base in the world. So if there's a lady out there that wants to give this guy his first Austin kiss, now's the time to stand up. Is there a lady out here that you have to volunteer yourself? You can't just point at random women.

[Jelly Roll]

No.

[Theo Vaughn]

Shane. To put a wig on again, I get.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How can there look at this guy. How can there not be a woman that wants to kiss this guy?

[Theo Vaughn]

Really?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nobody? I literally see actual hookers in the audience and none of them will do this.

[Gabriel Adam]

I guess Bucky mascot is not the best celebrity lookalike.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, I mean, there's nothing more depressing than no woman wanting to.

[Theo Vaughn]

There's not that many women in here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, it kinda is. I'm seeing a lot other than this table of fucking dudes. The queen of Kiltoni, the lovely Heidi, ladies and gentlemen. Wow. My goodness. How do you feel, my friend?

[Gabriel Adam]

I have to like pinch myself, I think. I don't know the whole thing. Unbelievable.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Absolutely incredible. Congratulations to you, Gabriel, Adam. Anything else for Gabriel, guys?

[Theo Vaughn]

Nope. Nice to see you today.

[Gabriel Adam]

I'll see you at the next one.

[Jelly Roll]

Listen, man, I think you were hilarious, man. I wish you the best, brother. I think you've only been doing it a while, you said, but yeah, I think you're going to kill it.

[Ari Matty]

Keep doing.

[Gabriel Adam]

I appreciate that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I got to tell you, I agree with. I agree with jelly roll here for doing it a month and a half. You have a really, really clever brain. Even the thing about, you know, going signing up for a sex addicts class just to meet women like you have an interesting brain. And I think you moved here here for good reason, where I don't always say that to a lot of people, but you have anyone who has a good eye for premises this early on, you'll always get better at doing it and writing it in your way. And for a month and a half, it's fantastic. So you're leaving here with a big joke book, my friend. There he goes. Gabriel, Adam, everybody. Yeah, we will. Ladies and gentlemen, there's only one way to end an episode like this, everybody. And William. Oh, my goodness. How about one more time for Heidi, everyone? What a legend. What a team player. The great William Montgomery is under the weather today, everyone.

[Theo Vaughn]

He owes me money, that's why.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yet again, however, William, I do believe makes a cameo in Busboys out this Friday.

[Theo Vaughn]

Yep. William Montgomery's in Bus Boys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Cam Patterson makes an appearance A lot of the kill Tony families. Casey Rocket, the man, the myth. He'll be back soon.

[Jelly Roll]

Support the movie, y'. All. Support the movie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Theo.

[Jelly Roll]

Davis Bay Bus Boys don't this up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But before we get out out of here, even though William's under the weather, I do have an extremely special treat for you. He might be one of the top rising comedians in the world. He might be one of the best already, if you ask me, this kid has been crushing theaters all around the United States of America. You've seen his rise here on Kil. Tony, a monster. And one day a citizen of the United States. United States of America. But he remains the Estonian assassin. This is Ari Matty.

[Ari Matty]

Are we doing good? You shouldn't cause a war is coming.

[Jelly Roll]

Fuck.

[Ari Matty]

Just my luck. As soon as I get citizenship.

[Dedrick Flynn]

Brass.

[Ari Matty]

Just yesterday, you guys know that America raised its age limit to 42 for the draft and prior marijuana convictions don't matter. Wow, what an army. You're building. Bunch of 40 year old losers. You know, in Estonia we don't have any limits. We have compulsory military service. We're too small to pick. Everyone goes wheelchair people, we send them. Oh yeah. We put a grenade in your lap and you. Down syndrome people, we send them. Oh yeah. We have a whole squad Estonian special forces. You think special forces means somebody rappels down and has night vision? It's Nicholas with a soft serve ice cream.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We send them.

[Ari Matty]

We get them all together in a parking lot, we connect them with a

[Jelly Roll]

rope,

[Ari Matty]

we look them in the eyes and we tell them, listen, they killed Santa Claus.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Everybody goes.

[Ari Matty]

Cripples, mentally challenged, even women. Gay people, we send them. I know you guys don't do that. By the way, the only way I'm going to war is if I have a gay squad mate. I'm protecting that motherfucker more than the medic. He's the only one sucking dick back at the base.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dylan, get behind me.

[Ari Matty]

I'm saving Dylan's life. No, left behind. Thank you so much. That's my time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Goddam exactly. Three minutes. Doing triple the work that he had to do Rocking the joint harder than it's been rocked all night the freak of nature the Estonian assassin doing it his way. So many funny beats in there, man. And you got the call today out of nowhere.

[Ari Matty]

Yeah, I couldn't pick one subject so I just threw them all out there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it, man.

[Ari Matty]

Man needs a better ending.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But I'll figure it out, dude. Yeah, you will figure it out. I missed you so much, Ari. I missed you being on the road so much. Yeah, AR is doing a thing right now where he's doing so good on the road that he's adding shows on Mondays. Which is what? Which is pretty much unprecedented. Exactly. Right. Like he's like staying and adding shows and getting crazy deals. It's amazing.

[Theo Vaughn]

He's a killer, man. He deserves it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Y thank you.

[Jelly Roll]

Amen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amen.

[Ari Matty]

Jo ar than roll Holy. You look so good, man.

[Jelly Roll]

Thank you, Ari. Thank you, baby.

[Ari Matty]

Did you like Ozempicate or no?

[Jelly Roll]

No, I actually did it the old fashioned way with the God. Yeah?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, with the Lord.

[Jelly Roll]

Work and ate a bunch.

[Theo Vaughn]

And you get a lot of haters that like I was implicated. People that hate you for doing it that way kind of.

[Jelly Roll]

No, no, I just get people that just like. I won't accept that I did it any other way. You know what I mean?

[Theo Vaughn]

Cheaters.

[Ari Matty]

Yeah, Ozempic cheaters looking.

[Jelly Roll]

I don't mind it though. Listen, man, all jokes aside, if you're like, dude, I was like dying fat. If you're dying fat, dude, anything to get the weight off. Shoot the shot, baby, go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, true. You hear that, Red Band? It's never too late.

[Jelly Roll]

I will say. When Red band hugged me, you could see he had a moment of self awareness. I felt it in his hug. Cuz he looked me in the eye and you could tell. He said, man, I'm proud of you. And then a little sadness was in his eyes.

[Ethan Griggs]

I was like.

[Jelly Roll]

It made me feel bad a little bit between. I shouldn't even brought it up. I'm sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love you.

[Jelly Roll]

Horrible time. But I said I theo'd out right there. I should have waited till we were backstage.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely perfect, Ari. Touring's been going good.

[Ari Matty]

Yeah, I went to Florida for a month. I'm now addicted to pills.

[Matt Campbell]

Great.

[Ari Matty]

Yeah, I went to Florida. I was so beautiful. Holy. I went to Florida. Fort Lauderdale. Great spot, you know. Yeah, I didn't like Miami too much. Everyone, you know, always hype. I don't like coked out, oiled up men, you know?

[Theo Vaughn]

Yeah, sex trafficking.

[Ari Matty]

Sex trafficking. Oh, well, I guess I'll go back adding shows in Miami all weekend.

[Jelly Roll]

Dude.

[Ari Matty]

Yes. I saw like a fist fight at the beach, like between two guys. It was over a bungalow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep, that's Miami.

[Ari Matty]

It was like bungalows on the beach. And you know when bitches see bungalows, you know, so the bungalow was taken and the two guys and the two whores, they go to swim. They're. Oh yeah, they go to swim and then another two whores and two guys come take their bundle off. So their fucking fist Speedos on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just. Fuck.

[Ari Matty]

It's my bungalow,

[Jelly Roll]

dude.

[Ari Matty]

How angry do you have to be? Yeah, you're coming out of a refreshing ocean and you're combat ready. Dude, if I come out of an ocean, you could be raping my mom in the bungalow.

[Theo Vaughn]

Dude, you're chill.

[Ari Matty]

I'll be like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Everyone slow down.

[Theo Vaughn]

What's happening?

[Ari Matty]

Yeah, Miami has super coked out. I'm not into that. I like Naples. Old people love them. Love old fox. Feels good when you're like. When you know, you're like on a beach and you can just murder everyone on the beach. Rule a peninsula.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, no one's stealing your bungalow there. What else did I do?

[Ari Matty]

Oh, I went to a Nike outlet store.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ooh, tell us about an Estonian's experience at a Nike outlet store.

[Ari Matty]

Yeah, I didn't know Nike has that. Yeah, like shitty ass products that don't do it. We just have the Nike store, which, by the way, looking at the things there, I think we get the outlet just without the word. So I go in packed. Packed with black people.

[Jelly Roll]

Packed.

[Ari Matty]

Me and the cashier are only white people there. I shoot. I see two big black bitches at the register. And when you see two big black women at the register, you know there's gonna be an issue. You know this ain't gonna go smoothly.

[Theo Vaughn]

Preach, honky.

[Ari Matty]

Dude, as soon as I open the door, I just hear you motherfuckers laughing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Last time I was your motherfucker piece of shit,

[Ari Matty]

they were trying to return an item, dude. They're trying to return, like, some shorts, and those shorts look like they've been to Ukraine, dude. They're just yelling little, like, white girl just at the register.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm sorry, that's an Adidas.

[Ari Matty]

Just a second. You know, before moving to America, I wasn't a racist, but after two years of living here, I'm beginning to see some patterns.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's how it happens. That's how you get your citizenship. That's the final test.

[Jelly Roll]

You have to be racist.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Maddie, your toys war continues on and on. It's without a doubt.

[Ari Matty]

I'm in Nashville soon, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'll see you there, my friends.

[Theo Vaughn]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, the boys will be there.

[Ari Matty]

I love you, Theo. I love you, Jelly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Make some noise for the great Ari. Maddie, Ladies and gentlemen. Bumps.

[Theo Vaughn]

Boys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Go see it this Friday in theaters. Support real comedians making real comedy movies again. It's out this Friday, April 17th. Catch Jelly Roll here in Austin 23rd April, and us at the Greek Theater. We're doing it together, buddy. Hell yeah. See, baby, we're gonna have a lot of fun there. That's gonna be a crazy week again. One more time for Shane Gillis, who's hosting the roast of Kevin Hart. That's gonna be May 10th. Theo Vaughn.

[Theo Vaughn]

Yep. I want to give a shout out to my producers that are here tonight. Zach Powers and Nick Davis and Chin Sun Yi up there there from Fighter in the Kid. Want to say thank you guys for all the effort in making podcasts happen over the years. And, yeah, thank you guys so much for just letting me be a part of this.

[Brian Stupak]

And.

[Theo Vaughn]

What a dude.

[Jelly Roll]

So cool.

[Theo Vaughn]

I love you too, man. Thank you. I needed this today, and so thank everybody for being here. Praise God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jelly Roll, I love y'. All. Thanks for letting me be one of the musicians to get to sit on the panel. Austin. Tony, I love you. Congratulations.

[Jelly Roll]

On what?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You built the Kill Tony bed Red, man, y' all deserve there more than anybody in the world. Y' all give it up for the evil genius Tony Hitchli. Baby. My dear friend. And a shout out to our production team. And we never get to shout out enough the great Sarah Sloan. I everybody. Colt, Monica, Steve, Dusty, Billy, everybody. Red Band. I'll be in San Diego. Go July 9th through 11th at the American Comedy Co.com Love you guys. You get it. We're everywhere. Catch us in Vegas at Wrestlemania Los Angeles at the Insuit Dome, New York City, Madison Square Garden, August 7th and 8th and one last time, thank you to shopify, talk space, prize fix and quote and go see Busboys this Friday. Thank you everybody. We love you. Sam. Curious about non alcoholic drinks but wish you could try before you buy? At Burden of Proof we help you find zero proof options you'll actually love. With over 400 beers, wines, spirits and cocktails. We have LA's largest selection of NA drinks plus free tastings every Saturday from 1 to 4. Discover a hangover free margarita complex de alcoholized wine, whiskey with a real burn or functional drinks to help you unwind. Visit us on Mission street in South South Pasadena or learn more at burdenofproofna.

[Anthony Martin]

Com.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Burden of Proof Never a day wasted.