KILL TONY #2

Summary

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Kill Tony #2 – Detailed Summary

Main Theme / Purpose

Episode #2 of Kill Tony (recorded June 21, 2013, at the Comedy Store, Hollywood) showcases the heart of what would become the world’s top live comedy podcast: up-and-coming comedians perform one minute of stand-up, then receive immediate, unfiltered feedback from a panel of established comics. This episode features hosts Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redban, a new addition to the show—The Iron Patriot (comic in costume as a “head of security”)—and this week’s special guest: comedian Brody Stevens. The tone is raucous, playful, brutally honest, and at times, chaotically supportive.

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1. Episode Kickoff & Banter (00:00–11:46)

• Host Introduction
  • Brian Redban opens (00:00) mentioning the recent rebrand from "Hinchcliffe Notes" to Kill Tony, and upcoming Death Squad events.
• Hosts’ Weekend Stories
  • Redban recounts a week of heavy drinking, blackouts, and hosting a Japanese woman he barely knew (01:53–05:10). Banter includes peeing outside (“I have a pee pot.”) and awkward strip club anecdotes.
    • Memorable Quote: “Seven days is either you can fall in love with somebody or you can murder them.” – Redban (02:32)
  • Tony comments on fetishes being cured in a week; Redban jokes about “Chinese lucky cats” and Asian strip club cuisine (05:10–05:31).
  • Tony shares brief birthday/glamour of comic touring stories.
• Naming Debate
  • The group discusses the show’s name (06:17), considering a Twitter poll.
• Welcoming the Iron Patriot (Head of Security)
  • Introduction of the Iron Patriot, a cosplay character brought in for comedic “security” and offbeat one-liners.
    • “For every life you save, there’s a million new ways to die.” – Iron Patriot (07:09)
    • The Iron Patriot is roasted for his lack of mobility and superhero “catchphrases.”
    • “There’s nothing like a head of security that can’t see where he’s walking.” – Redban (07:48)
• Special Guest: Brody Stevens
  • Introduced with credits from The Hangover, Chelsea Lately, and more (11:46)
  • Brody: “Positive energy. You got it.” (11:49)

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2. Comedic Panel Banter & Advice (11:46–21:50)

• Patriot’s Arrival Impressions
  • Iron Patriot describes how he met Redban and Tony outside, arriving in character (10:00).
  • Redban and Brody riff off his costume, demeanor, and “catchphrases.”
• Brody’s Weekend
  • Brody describes Gay Pride weekend, meeting baseball legend Sandy Koufax (“His fingers are so long.” 13:18–14:05), and a running theme about proudly identifying as Jewish.
• Panel Chemistry
  • The group banters about superhero origins and nationalities, joking about the Iron Patriot being a “mixture of everything” (15:14).
  • Running technical gags: “Don’t break character,” “Eat the mic,” and friendly argument over mic technique.

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3. The Format Explained: Open Mic “Kill Tony” Style (18:54–21:50)

Tony explains the show’s core:

• From downstairs open mic sign-up, the first 15 comics get to do one minute each, then receive live commentary and “tags” (suggested punchlines or critique) from the hosts and guest.

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4. Open Mic Performances & Panel Feedback (22:01–95:57)

Below: Notable comics, their material, and feedback.
(Each comic's set ~1 min, with immediate critique.)

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Doug Fager: Drinking, DUIs & Cabs (23:23–31:02)

• Material: Drinking too much, comparing a DUI to expensive cab rides, Temple Grandin joke.
• Panel Feedback:
  • Tony: “Temple Grandin, that's a reference I have never heard in six years.” (25:24)
  • Brody: Advises on mic placement, cautions about DUI/venue-sensitive material.
  • Redban: Defends holding mic closer for comfort.
• Memorable Exchange:
  • “If your material was awesome, it wouldn’t matter if people could see your teeth.” – Redban (30:05)

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Aaron Marsh: Baseball & Dating Analogies (31:02–36:55)

• Material: Misunderstanding dating “bases” as a child, relating dating to football analogies.
• Panel Feedback:
  • Tony: Emphasizes need to “slap you in the face” with the first minute.
  • Brody: Admits confusion, advises more direct storytelling and honesty.

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Jaron Horton: Black History & Stereotypes (37:08–41:36)

• Material: Black History Month vs. Shark Week, Chris Rock’s “black people/n**gas” bit, Monopoly and appreciation.
• Panel Feedback:
  • Tony: Praises sharp Joke-writing, encourages expanding the Shark Week angle.
  • Brody: “Not big on the N word, but good writing, demeanor, voice.”

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Jem (GEM): Sex, Cannabis, & Age Gaps (42:12–48:16)

• Material: Bragging about sex with a 24-year-old thanks to cannabis; punchline involves an invented story about making out with a 70-year-old man.
• Panel Feedback:
  • Tony: Calls out lack of punchline in main story, suggests focus and structure.
  • Brody: Enjoys “likable” storytelling, warns about hacky “switcheroo” punchlines.

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Lil Bro: Making $20K by Stealing Dogs (56:12–58:46)

• Material: Claims to have made $20,000 by kidnapping Beverly Hills dogs for reward money; riffs on Black Town cars and racial profiling.
• Panel Feedback:
  • Tony: “Absolutely hilarious joke…should be a bigger bit.”
  • Brody & Redban: Praise structure, confidence, and “likable” stage presence.

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Elise Martin: Teaching, Cancer Walks & Women’s History (77:22–80:53)

• Material: Poor students, wanting to own a home, dark humor about breast cancer walks being “too competitive” (joke about no one having tits), and a misogynist take on historical women.
• Panel Feedback:
  • Tony: Suggests expanding and tagging the “cancer walks” premise.
  • Brody: Cautions about edgy topics for newer comics but commends confidence.

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David Dorward: Sandwich Jokes & Sexism (73:22–77:00)

• Material: “Bitch, make me a sandwich” trope, twist: woman works at Subway.
• Panel Feedback:
  • Tony: Recommends less predictable punchlines, naming possible alternative stores for misdirection.
  • Group: Subdued response; consensus to “bag it.”

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Sarah Mostajabi (“Sarah Dresses”): Relationships & Accidental Self-Harm (92:56–96:07)

• Material: Breakup, analogy to Capri Sun for relationships, accidental cutting/self-harm.
• Panel Feedback:
  • Tony: “The cutting thing on accident’s funny.”
  • Brody: Likes jacket/style, jokes about “pay a girl $20” for more skin (ongoing, awkward sartorial critique of female comics).

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Other Comics & Notable Segments

• Nick Bouvier: “It’s the thought that counts” – feedback focuses on presence and reducing cursing.
• Nina B.: English comic, stories about homeless men masturbating in public – told to “own” the joke’s punchline and not end on a question.
• Bianca Yates: Dating white guys who think they’re Black – told to expand on premise and play to acting strengths.
• Matt Segan: Depression, antidepressant names, Harry Potter – told to lead with strongest material (Harry Potter).

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5. Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Comedy Technique:

  • “Eat the mic… if your material was awesome, it wouldn't matter if people could see your teeth.” – Redban (30:05)
  • “One minute is a tough thing to crank it all in.” – Brody (41:26)

• On Material & Edgy Topics:

  • “It’s just a red flag for me when I see new comedians doing dark, edgy stuff.” – Brody (81:27)
  • “The more you do it, you’ll just get better and better. Just keep doing what you’re doing.” – Brody (79:14)

• On Panel Dynamics:

  • “How many milligrams of hypocrite are you on?” – Tony to Brody during a debate about edgy material (81:31)
  • Iron Patriot throughout delivers off-the-wall comic relief with lines like “If I fall on you, it’ll be painful, though.” (09:19)

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6. Ongoing Gags & Recurring Themes

• Format Naming Debate: Should segment be called “tag it or bag it” (workshop or trash a joke)? A previous, more provocative term is retired.
• Brody Stevens’ Caution: Frequent (often self-contradictory) advice about not cursing or being too edgy too soon, but contrasted with his own act.
• Iron Patriot Jokes: Sight gags, superhero catchphrases, accidental touching, lampooned for uselessness as “security”.
• Panel vs. Comic Banter: Spirited push-pull between giving technical advice and encouraging “just be yourself.”
• Comments on Appearances: Ongoing awkwardness, especially as Brody comments on female comics’ clothing choices.

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7. Episode Close & Panel Wrap-Up (96:07–End)

• Thank Yous & Plugs:
  • Iron Patriot will return as “security.” Brody thanks the Death Squad community (96:42).
  • The Ding Dong Show is promoted as the next event.
  • Tony and Brody riff on each other’s quirks and medication, ending with laughs and promises to return next week.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |------------|--------------------------------------------| | 00:00–01:29| Redban's intro and show rebranding | | 01:32–06:36| Hosts’ weekend stories, early banter | | 06:36–10:46| Iron Patriot introduced | | 11:46 | Brody Stevens introduced | | 18:54–21:50| Show format explained | | 23:23–31:02| Doug Fager’s set, feedback, mic debate | | 31:28–36:55| Aaron Marsh: analogies, feedback | | 37:08–41:36| Jaron Horton: race, sharks, stereotypes | | 42:12–48:16| GEM: sex, weed, storytelling critique | | 56:12–58:46| Lil Bro: dog-napping bit | | 77:22–80:53| Elise Martin: cancer walks, teacher jokes | | 73:22–77:00| David Dorward: “make me a sandwich,” bagged| | 92:56–96:07| Sarah: relationships, self-harm, wardrobe | | 96:07–97:25| Episode wrap-up, plugs, quick goodbyes |

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Quick Reference: Notable Quotes by Timestamp

• (02:32) Redban: “Seven days is either you can fall in love with somebody or you can murder them.”
• (09:19) Iron Patriot: “If I fall on you, it’ll be painful, though.”
• (13:18) Brody: “I went to Dodger Stadium and I met Sandy Koufax…His fingers are so long.”
• (25:24) Tony: “Temple Grandin, that’s a reference I have never heard in six years.”
• (30:05) Redban: “If your material was awesome, it wouldn’t matter if people could see your teeth.”
• (81:31) Tony (to Brody): “How many milligrams of hypocrite are you on?”

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Overall Tone & Takeaway

Episode #2 encapsulates the raw, experimental energy of early Kill Tony: brutal honesty matched with genuine encouragement, lively debates about technique and style, and the unpredictable blend of hilarity and cringe that comes from both new comics and veteran panelists. The show’s interactive, competitive format—mixed with real-time feedback and unexpected, character-driven bits (especially from Iron Patriot)—sets the stage for its future cult status.

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Perfect listening for comedy nerds, aspiring stand-ups, or anyone who loves to hear rising comics get put through the comedic gauntlet in real time.

Transcript

[A]

Hey, this is Red Band and you're listening to Kill Tony on the Death Squad podcast network. Yeah, they decided to go with the name Kill Tony. This doesn't really take in effect till the third episode when Tony announces that he wants to change it to Kill Tony. The audience agreed. At first I wasn't a big fan of the name, but then when Tony describes it in the third episode, it. I like his explanation. And I think it's easier to find for people that don't want to try to spell Hinchcliffe. And, you know, I think it's all about marketing yourself so people can find it. So I get it. But anyways, so this podcast is now called Kill Tony. You can see it live every Monday at the Comedy store. Starting at 8pm we have death Squad Night at the Comedy Store. All tickets are free and then it's followed by 10 o' clock at the Ding Dong show. So just go to TheComyStore.com or go to Death Squad TV. Also, don't forget to subscribe to us on itunes or stitcher. Just search for Death Squad and hit subscribe and we're coming to the ComicCon 2013 next month and Toronto, Canada. All these tickets can be found at Death Squad tv. And now, here's the second episode of Kill Tony.

[B]

Hey, this is Redman coming to you

[A]

live from the Comedy Store here on

[B]

Hollywood, California for a brand new episode

[A]

of the Hinchcliffe Notes.

[B]

Give it up for your host, Tony Hinchcliffe.

[C]

This is immediately an extremely, extremely exciting show.

[A]

Yeah, it is.

[C]

How was your weekend, Brian?

[A]

My week, I think I might have said this already, but my week consisted of drinking a whole bottle of tequila and a whole bottle of Southern Comfort and then blacking out and then talking to some girl on Facebook I met in Tokyo last week. And then I guess I bought a plane ticket for her to stay with me for seven days from Tokyo.

[C]

Wow. Put your hands together for that, everybody who's living that kind of life in this room to where you're having so much fun in life that you wake up the next morning and you find out that you have a pet Japanese girl that's living with you for a week after that.

[A]

And let's just say when I did meet her, I met her at a strip club. And I only knew her for probably six hours. And I've probably talked to her three times on Facebook and I didn't have a thousand dollars just to blow. And so now I'm fucked in so many ways. And then she stayed with me and, like, look Seven days is either you can love fall in love with somebody or you can murder them.

[B]

Right?

[C]

Totally. I mean, absolutely. By day three or four, if that's not a decent person that's just sort of chill and cool. I mean, you got to be so cool if you come out here for seven days, right? And, yeah, luckily. But it went well.

[A]

Yeah, it went pretty well.

[C]

I met her. She seemed super cool, super smart, super fun.

[A]

It was like hanging out with your mom that walked around in underwear. She, like, got mad at me for peeing outside because I have a pee pot.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I got a bush that I pee in. It's a plant. And once in a while, I'll be outside having a cigarette and be like, you know what? I might pee in my pee pot. It's, you know, I like it.

[C]

I heard that that's really good for you to pee outside. Have you guys heard that before? That it's good to pee outside once a day. It's supposed to bring some kind of balance. That's not a joke. It's supposed to bring some kind of balance to your life.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I can't remember who I know that does it, but I know one smart person that does it.

[A]

Well, she looked at it as if I was Hawaii. She was just upset and she was just shitting on me for four days straight, like Mom's. She saw my nails, and my nails were not trimmed to specifications.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Then she got really drunk. And she's been trained in the arts of strip clubbing her whole life, since she was like 6. And so she, like, does really uncomfortable things, like where we'll be hanging out in a group, and then she'll just come up like. Like hands waving up in the air, like, as, you know, like strippers do

[C]

when you're like, hey, pump, let's get a bottle. Not only do strippers do that, but Asians do that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Right?

[C]

So both. Being an Asian stripper must have been right, aggressive.

[A]

Yeah. And then hands on people, strangers, legs.

[C]

That was actually my penis.

[A]

Yeah. I'm sorry, I thought how you're sitting confused me.

[C]

It wasn't a leg, but thank you for the compliment.

[A]

Well, actually, I was just trying to be accurate for you.

[C]

I love it. That's true.

[A]

Me too.

[C]

I mean, I was trying to be accurate, too. You definitely grabbed my cock just then. But it worked out.

[A]

Yeah. So I had to drop her off today. So this week was stressful. I learned a lot about myself. I may start working out more. I'm not going to drink as much my Asian Fetish is now completely gone. So is my strip club and porno fetish, I think all in one week. I think she was.

[C]

She eliminated all of your fetishes in one week, including eating.

[A]

Yeah. How was your week?

[C]

That's good that it paid off, though. I mean, you're really lucky, I guess, keeping all those Chinese lucky cats around you all the time. Yeah, it's really paying off.

[A]

Yeah, that's like. That was like feed. That was like snacks for her. I think that's why she came to me.

[C]

I'm doing good. I had a great weekend. It was my birthday on Saturday, everybody. Thank you very much. I spent it down in La Jolla. Me, Sam, Tripoli and Annie Letterman did four shows at the La Jolla Comedy Store. They recarpeted the oceanside condo. That was really nice.

[A]

Way better than our Roof Otter 2, huh?

[C]

Well, we turned that into something special, But Roof Otter 2 was great, but, yeah, it would have been a better roof otter, even though we don't have wifi there. But it was a lot of fun and it worked out and I'm happy to be back because I'm excited about this show. Thank you, everybody, for coming to episode two of Hinchcliffe's Notes, where me, a professional comedian and writer, and Red Band and my guest every week, we try to help comedy in some way.

[A]

You're sticking with the name Hinchcliffe Notes, right?

[C]

I guess so, yeah. I mean, you haven't put up a

[A]

Twitter status or a poll.

[C]

I think maybe we'll do that this week.

[A]

That's a good idea, right?

[C]

Yeah. Anyway, but it's an exciting show. We have a new addition to the set.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

With the show. I'm very, very excited about it. Put your hands together for the new head of security of my podcast, the Iron Patriot. Everybody. There?

[B]

He.

[D]

That's right.

[C]

He's here and he's in the flesh. He's the one and the only Iron Patriot. The Iron Patriot.

[E]

For every life you save, there's a million new ways to die.

[F]

Love it.

[A]

Iron Patriot.

[C]

So much like the Iron man, but it's the Iron Patriot. So red, white and blue.

[E]

I'm looking forward to fourth of July.

[C]

Is that one of your catchphrases right now?

[E]

I just thought of it.

[C]

I love it. Well, welcome to the show. We're so glad to have you be part of it. We're hoping that. Well, we'll see how it goes on this test run, but we're definitely going to perhaps be in talks about having you be the regular head of Security for my podcast.

[A]

There's nothing like head of security that can't see where he's walking. He fell on me earlier and somehow. This is what I didn't want to tell you about at the beginning. Somehow my hand got in this crotch area and I actually touched your dick.

[C]

Did where?

[A]

Did you know?

[B]

No, that's.

[A]

That was. That was my hand. So it's rather dark in here. Yeah, I think that's your secret. I think it's the old folly touch my dick move.

[C]

He really is. I really. Let's.

[E]

Hollywood.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

Oh. Anyway, that's why you're in town. Oh, it's all coming together. Yeah. Nothing like having a head of security who. His last words to me before the show, where there's no steps around where I'm standing. But I'm excited to have you. I just really hope that your presence alone is enough of a defense mechanism so that nobody harms me physically. Oh, wait, while we have a question, a very aggressive question coming from the balcony. This guy's very excited. It's Jordan.

[A]

I'm thinking merchandising for you, Tony.

[F]

Can that be the first shirt?

[C]

Wait, what? For the Iron Patriot, The Iron Patriots. The worst superhero perhaps ever. He just has no idea where he's. I mean, it's great, don't get me wrong, but I mean, there's no defending the galaxy with this guy. There's basically just stand in one place. Like, I wonder what more great super bad superhero catchphrases we could come up with.

[E]

If I fall on you, it'd be painful, though.

[C]

That's a good catchphrase. I don't know if you meant that or I don't know if you're just saying that or you knew what you were doing.

[E]

These lights can blind your eyes too. Get up close to this.

[C]

You have to go really close to that. You have to get really close and you have to keep your eyes wide open. See, that's another good catchphrase, though. Put your. Put your eyeball right next to this light. I don't bend, I break. We could go all night. This is great. Anyway, the Iron Patriot also is a

[A]

death squad fan, right?

[C]

And by the way, just exactly, Brian,

[A]

he's a death squad fan.

[C]

The way that we met him was about seven minutes before the show started. Brian and I are standing outside and we hear this squeaking noise. And we look over by the doorway and. And this is. Walk towards us. And we have no idea what's going on. It's very quiet. It's just Brian and I. We're watching it walk slowly closer and closer to us. We're thinking, it must be somebody, you know that's gonna kill us or something. And his first words to us were after he finally stops and through this robotic voice, he just says, nice to meet you guys. Really big fan.

[B]

Do you think I would have name

[E]

this far for anybody else than you crazy guys?

[A]

Thank you.

[C]

Thank you, man. Our new head of security, everybody.

[B]

The Iron Patriots.

[C]

Anybody with me? I'm gonna get hurt. Yeah. So it's a pleasure for me to bring up my guest tonight. The person who's going to be going over the comedian's work with me for this show, one of my very good friends. Everybody on the death squad knows them. Everybody from the Hangover knows them. Chelsea lately, this guy's got credits out of the wazoo. His best credit is that he is probably literally one of the funniest comedians in the world right now. Put your hands together for my guest tonight. Episode two, Brody Stevens, everybody. The Hangover. Hangover 2 due date Chelsea Lately over 2000 crowd warm ups. The burn Comedy Central show coming out in a couple months called Enjoy it. Brody Stevens, everybody.

[B]

Stephen. Brody Stevens.

[C]

You got it.

[B]

All right. Thank you for having me here, Tony. Positive energy. You got it.

[C]

Are you excited about the Iron Patriot?

[B]

Yeah, I think he's a great character. He's a great person. I saw him walking down the street and he was strong. He was protecting Sunset Boulevard. And thank you for being here, Iron Patriot. There he is.

[C]

You saw him when he was walking down Sunset.

[B]

Yeah, he was very. He's very Walking straight. He's very. He's very. A lot of 90 degree angles, and you are really just walking down. I saw you. I felt you're. And I'll tell you what, when you said you knew me, I felt good. Thank you.

[E]

I told you I was a fan of that squad. Yeah, I've seen you on the Ice House Chronicles, too.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You are the coolest thing that's ever walked in here.

[B]

He's a cool. He's a cool guy. The Iron Patriot. Let him hear it, everybody. Yes. Push and believe.

[A]

You want to smell the iron penis.

[B]

He doesn't stand outside Man's Chinese Theater. He stands out Lemley's Theater. Yes. You got it. Smart guy. Stands outside Lemley's. That was the joke. It's funny. He stood out outside of Lemley's. It's funny.

[C]

Oh, man. All right. It's exciting. So it's been a big weekend for you, Brody, right?

[B]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. It was a great weekend.

[C]

Gay pride weekend.

[B]

Gay. Well, traffic was ridiculous. I couldn't get anywhere. And on top of that, my float broke down. So thank you for not laughing. Saturday was great. I went to Dodger Stadium and I met Sandy Koufax. Who here knows Sandy Koufax? An American legend and icon. The Wilt Chamberlain of baseball.

[C]

He played for the Cleveland Indians, right?

[B]

No, he played for the Dodgers. And he's Jewish. You got it. Yes. One of the greatest pitchers ever left handed. Retired at 30. He was dominant and I held it. I shook hands with him. His fingers are so long. He's like got such long fingers. He was able to throw that fat, that curveball and then it really whip that fastball. I was just proud to be around him. Sandy Koufax, everybody.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

I was there.

[C]

I'm sure if Sandy could hear that, it would.

[B]

That was a big. That was a big weekend. I. Yeah, he is Jewish. I told him I was Jewish too. I said, sandy, I'm Jewish.

[C]

Did you pay that kid in the back to ask if Sandy was Jewish? Because you love dropping when people are Jewish.

[B]

No, I didn't.

[C]

You said he was Jewish. I heard you say it. He's Jewish. And then he goes, hey, is he Jewish?

[B]

Well, maybe you didn't hear. Maybe walked in half, halfway in between.

[C]

Just out of curiosity, what's the nationality of the Iron Patriot?

[B]

You got it. What is.

[A]

Wait, wait, let's guess. Let's guess. Let's guess.

[B]

Let's guess.

[C]

No, no, I know he's American.

[A]

All right, I'm. I'm guessing Scottish, Filipino. The.

[B]

The Iron Patriot is American, period.

[C]

Definitely American.

[B]

Mixture of everything. He's from everywhere. He represents a lot of people. He's Aryan, he's Jewish, he's black, he's Latino, he's Armenian, he's American. Give him a nice hand. The American Patriot. The Iron Patriot.

[A]

It felt like a Scottish penis to me. That's why I said that.

[C]

Seriously, what's your nationality?

[B]

He's not gonna tell you. Don't give it away.

[C]

He'll tell me. What are you talking about?

[B]

He don't break character.

[C]

Okay?

[B]

I tip. Don't break character.

[C]

I think it's funny. If he does break character.

[B]

Tip. Tip. Don't break character. The Iron Patriot. Tip. You like that? Tip for short.

[E]

V. Just between me and you, here's a little seat secret. The bad guy always wins. Me killing you is perfect justification for symbolism.

[B]

Yeah, I like how he's.

[A]

All right, guys, we are all going to die tonight.

[B]

Oh, my God, I'm happy. I'm positive.

[E]

Justice will triumph over evil. We will crush the enemy together.

[B]

Let's do it. He sounds like Nick Rutherford, if you know Nick.

[A]

Yeah, it does.

[B]

Very funny comedian. So that's a compliment. And he. And his. His girlfriend's hot. Who. Who do you date?

[E]

What can I say? I saved the best for last.

[B]

Who do you date?

[C]

The worst lawless phrases ever. Please keep doing what you're doing. But I just have to say it. I love what you're doing.

[E]

Take the abuse.

[C]

That's another good slogan. This is the funny thing. I can take the abuse.

[A]

I'm sorry for moving the microphone, Brian.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[E]

Anything to make the show better. That's what I'm here for.

[C]

Absolutely. Okay. Well, speaking of the show, what do you say, Brody? What are you doing, man?

[B]

Oh, I'm. Well, it looks good right there in the mic. Yes. You got it. Iron Patriot. Yes.

[C]

That's gonna be a great Vine.

[A]

Do you Vine? Do you Vine? Iron Patriot? Do you vine or Twitter? Are you on the social.

[E]

I am on Twitter.

[C]

What's your.

[B]

What's.

[A]

What's your name on Twitter at.

[E]

Comic. Patriots.

[A]

Comic.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

But that's all.

[E]

That's comic for the comic books and comic for. If I get on stage here.

[C]

Oh, right. Well, I don't know how easy it's gonna be for you to get on stage here. There's. There's a step, so.

[A]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Did you just say you sing? Wow.

[B]

I can. Oh, my God.

[E]

Leaving me alone.

[C]

This time next week, you're going to be seeing this guy on the Voice. These judges are going to turn their chairs around and be like, you've got to be fucking kidding me. All right, all right. That's enough singing. People listening to the party.

[B]

Give them a nice hand. Yes.

[A]

You got it.

[B]

The Iron Patriot tip aka tip. You got it, Hutch.

[C]

Believe 90 degree angles. Okay, well, this is really exciting. This is the part where we're gonna get the Patriot more on the security side of things. If you. If you. If you need to save batteries. I don't know if your batteries are good all night or whatever, but.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you want us to turn some batteries off for you?

[C]

Okay, very good. Another great catchphrase, by the way. Fully charged. Fully charged on the back of the shirt. These batteries won't die. Okay? So if you don't know the format of the show, everybody, this is where things get a little bit more interesting and fun or. I don't know if it actually gets more fun than The Iron Patriot. But we're gonna try anyway. But this is the part where I go downstairs earlier in the evening and people are signing up for the open mic. A lot of fresh, young, awesome comedians and some crazy people, and you never know who's signing up for the open mic. I've hosted the show downstairs for years. And so anyway, what they do downstairs is everybody signing up for a three minute spot on the original room stage. We're up in the belly room, and for the first 15 people that sign up on this list, they instead of doing three minutes downstairs, they do one minute of stand up here. And myself and my guest who tonight is. Brody Stevens.

[B]

Stephen Brody Stevens. You got it, Steven. Brody Stevens. You got it.

[C]

We'll be either tagging the jokes, maybe just telling them how we feel, you know, whatever. It's sort of here to help. Right?

[B]

And I'm Steven Tyler, you're Simon. Is that fair?

[C]

I don't want to. No, that's not cool.

[B]

You want to be a role.

[C]

How do you get to be a hit guitar player and.

[B]

Yeah, but Simon's respected. Simon's is a corporate megalo maniac.

[C]

Simon's not in the Writers Guild.

[B]

I'd be Simon. I'd be happy exchanging places with Simon Cowell. But Steven Tyler's pretty good, too.

[C]

Well, I'm sure Simon would probably want to change places with you. You have your own comedy show. I mean, he wasn't. He probably wants to be like, I

[B]

guarantee you, if Simon Caldwell wants to do a comedy show, they give him

[C]

a chance, but it wouldn't work. He's not funny.

[B]

I think he's funny on positive energy.

[C]

Well, he's not. So you're rooting for a negative energy.

[B]

Well, I don't. I don't. Two wrongs don't make a right, Tony. I look for the positive. And what's his name, the guy? Simon. Simon Powell.

[C]

Simon Powell.

[B]

Anyway, I'm a positive energy guy. I want to. I want to see these young comedians. I'm excited to check out what the competition, what's out there, the talent pool.

[C]

So everybody signed up. It filled up extremely quick. It was pretty exciting last week. It was the first one. And I could see sort of tell people, like, what's this? I don't know what's going on. And then what's funny is like seven or eight people signed up immediately. And as the time went on before they were either gonna get picked to do a spot downstairs or not, people started realizing, oh, shit, well, I might as well see what's Going on. So they sign up. But tonight it filled up immediately. We have a lot of people that are really excited to be here and I'm excited to have them. So everybody's gonna do a minute and then we chat with them and then we do the next person. Ready?

[B]

You got it. Here we go. First up.

[C]

I'm really excited about this. First, it was actually a stamp. Somebody has a stamp of their name.

[A]

Hipster.

[C]

They didn't have a stamp to put in the subject line, so we have no idea what they're gonna talk about. However, I will tell you that this person has a stamp and then somebody actually probably was him, had to put an arrow to it that says actual person. So that. I knew that anyway. So I'm gonna just read exactly what's on the line. Put your hands together for Adelstone Fitzgerald. Holder first.

[B]

She here. Way to go.

[A]

He wasn't a person. The stamp was a lie. That's what you get to listen. Why would you listen to hipsters?

[C]

That's really bizarre. Holder first. Interesting.

[A]

Maybe that's iron patriot. Wouldn't iron patriot have a stamp? He wouldn't be trying to write.

[C]

It's true. Give him a minute.

[B]

Let him do that spot.

[A]

That's a good idea.

[B]

He's done a minute.

[F]

Let's.

[B]

Let's get some. Let's keep this thing going. Iron Patriot. Great.

[C]

Keep this thing settled down up there, buddy.

[B]

Let's get this thing down.

[C]

Yes, you just. You just settle down. Anyway, so. Okay. Well, number two is the person who actually was nice enough to get everybody's attention for me. I asked him to do it because he has a deep voice. I know this guy. Fun upcoming stand up comic. I'm excited to have him here. Put your hands together doing some talking about drinking. It's Doug Fager, everybody.

[B]

Thank you. Thank you, guys. Thank you. Thank you.

[F]

Been treating my body like shit lately. I've been drinking too much. If my body were a temple, it'd be temple Grandin. Got so drunk the other day, I had to take a cab from Burbank to my place in Hollywood. I realized about halfway through that it might have just been cheaper to get the dui. By the time we got to the freeway, I think I would have had enough money for bail by the time we got off the freeway. I think I would have had enough money for a lawyer by the time I got home and paid him. Felt like I had been raped. Might as well spent the night in jail. Are these cab drivers any better at driving than I am when I'M drunk. They're swerving through traffic. They're cutting people off. They're swearing at people. Or at least I think they're swearing. I don't know. I don't speak Farsi. What I'm trying to say, guys, Friends don't let friends take cabs. That joke kills, literally. How am I supposed to stop drinking when everybody wants you to go to some happy hour after work? Everybody's like, oh, come on, Doug.

[B]

We're going to happy hour.

[F]

Everybody's going. But happy hour is the wrong name for it, because happy hour is never just like an hour. Happy hour's like three hours. Then a happy hour turns into a crazy night, which turns into a shitty morning, which makes you want to go to another happy hour to take the edge off. That turns into, like, a forgotten.

[B]

Wake up. There you go. Give him a nice hand. Yes.

[C]

Doug. Doug, stay upstage. Stay on stage. All right, first of all, I love what you're doing. You're the first person in the history of the show to run the light, which is exciting. We got to hear for the first time ever. That is the new. That's exciting.

[B]

We didn't have that last week.

[C]

We went through 15 people last week, and nobody ran the light. I could tell you were gonna close on the thing, and then you went into new material. It was pretty interesting.

[F]

I think it's. I think the second part is stronger, but I can't really do the second part without the first.

[C]

What I learned. First of all, let me just settle down, Doug, okay? Just take it easy. Don't make me get the Iron Patriot on you.

[F]

No, we don't want.

[C]

Anyway, Somebody's rooting for that in the back. The Temple Grand. Now, that's a reference that I have never heard in six years. That's like an old Western actress, right?

[A]

No.

[F]

Temple Grandin is an autistic. She's famous. There was a movie.

[A]

Wow. That's something no one knows.

[C]

How many. How many people by round of applause knew who temple grand was?

[B]

1.

[C]

That's a lot of.

[A]

I saw an embarrassed lady right here. I put her arm up for a second.

[F]

But she's famous for essentially being autistic and being able to do a lot of things subsequently.

[C]

You know who a more famous autistic person is? Josh Meyer.

[F]

I thought you might go there.

[C]

If you're gonna use an autistic person in your joke, you better use our friend Josh Meyerowitz, or else we will have him apologize to you so, so hard.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. That's too deep.

[B]

Of a reference, though.

[A]

For real, though. Too deep of a reference.

[C]

Real.

[G]

Okay.

[A]

And also when you dui, you could kill people. And driving drunk is not cool.

[C]

Yeah. And anywhere you perform, you're hoping. Now, listen. Anywhere you're performing, you're hoping that people are drinking. A DUI joke. It's really tough to pull off a b. I mean, it can be funny. But what you'll notice is that most of the venues that you perform at, they really don't want you talking about because they want people to buy three or four or five drinks. And the farther out you get, I mean, I. You know, it's not cool that places tell you what you should and shouldn't talk about, but the farther out you get, the more you find that. So DUI things a tough subject, but I love your cadence, man. I think you have, like. Yeah, I don't remember driving. What did you. What did you think?

[A]

All last week?

[B]

But I think, you know, I've heard. I like the cab stuff. I've heard, you know, it's not a fresh topic to me, but you told it well. You created a nice picture. I would say mic technique, you want to like. It just depends on the volume, though. Like, I'm stuck. I'm sticking the mic in my face. But I think generally you want to have the mic here where the audience can see your face. When you're eating the mic, they can't see your face. I mean, I think the mic is low, but, you know, you're holding on your chin.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Maybe you're. That's comfortable for you, having the mic on your chin like that, It's a comfortable feeling.

[A]

I disagree.

[F]

Yeah, maybe it's a comfort. Maybe it's.

[B]

But ideally, and I think it just could be the microphone, you want them to see your mouth. I thought that, you know, your stuff was concise. To do a minute's hard is hard, but the cab stuff, it's good. I mean, there's a beginning, middle, and end.

[F]

Well, thank you.

[B]

I think you just gotta. You just gotta keep doing it. Let me ask one more question. And I don't need to go into detail, but I don't agree with that,

[A]

by the way, Brody.

[B]

Don't agree with what? Tell me.

[A]

Like, putting the mic close to your face. That's all I do all day long. I lick the other comic sweat and tears and spit.

[B]

I think. I think if you're going on,

[C]

you

[B]

know, TV stuff, you. They want to see your face. They want to see your mouth. If you're eating the mic, you're taking away something.

[A]

Yeah. You're not supposed to wear a hat either. And I love wearing.

[B]

Well, a hat's gonna darken your eyes. Right? And I'm just talking about. That's. I mean, the rules can be broken. I'm just.

[A]

Not everyone has a beautiful face like you. Some of us need to hide.

[C]

Look, whatever I say, are you hiding something or.

[B]

No? The mic is a certain level, but

[F]

I think there is something to that. There's. There's something mildly comforting about, like, resting it there. I don't know what it is. I don't know. There's something about it. It just feels so great. It feels good.

[A]

It's like balls on your mouth.

[G]

But.

[F]

But it could be one of those things, like, you know how when you start, you. You hang on to the mic stand for.

[B]

Maybe.

[F]

Maybe it's a comfort.

[B]

Maybe it's a. Technically, it's wrong. I have to go on record.

[F]

Yeah, yeah, Maybe it's one of those. That's actor, actually.

[B]

Now they got me upset, technically.

[C]

By who?

[B]

What stands by most comedians, most professional. Not saying you aren't, but I'm saying, like, the rules would be. I'm not a professional technically to hold the mic here. I mean that they would say that is the. The rule, not the. Except the exception is this. There are guys who hold it like that. But the rule is. Hi, welcome to the comedy club. My name is Brody. You could see my mouth. You could see my teeth. It's better. That's. That's the rule. The exception is, you know. Yeah, you know, I'm doing this. I'm this guy.

[A]

If your material was awesome, it wouldn't. No one would be paying attention to your teeth.

[B]

I don't know. I don't know. You better have great material then, is what I say.

[F]

What. What are you saying?

[B]

I say, generally speaking. I'm not talking about you. I'm not talking about anybody specifically. Would you agree? In general. In general audience, I'm eating the mic. But in general, it's probably not a good idea to eat the microphone if you want to look cool.

[C]

It's definitely. That's definitely a great, great technical note.

[B]

Thank you. That's all I was saying. And then Redman attacked me.

[C]

No, it's. It's fine. I think. I think you both. Both had really good points, you guys.

[B]

Whose point is more?

[A]

Who won this fight?

[B]

Yeah, who won this? Who won?

[C]

You guys both have really good points.

[B]

Two points. I say. Okay, I got two. Red man's got one on that.

[C]

And the iron Patriot has three for you.

[B]

Did great before. Yeah, it was awesome. Let's keep it moving. Good job, Doug.

[C]

Great job. Doug Fager, everybody. In the one spot,

[B]

I am positive energy. How dare you, Tony?

[C]

I'm excited. I'm excited about this next next one. I know this guy as well. Another very funny, young, rising comic talking about baseball. It's Aaron Marsh, everybody.

[H]

Thank you, guys. So everyone's heard of that baseball analogy. You know, like, you get to first base, you kiss a girl, that dating analogy. But when I was introduced to this analogy, I was a child, just a kid. So in my mind, I knew more about baseball than dating. So I thought to get to second base, I had to get a friend to go to first base so I can move to second and then I can't go back. I'm stuck in this position, which isn't exactly the way I wanted to date as a child. And then thinking it's like, well, if I want to go home, I gotta get a stronger friend to bring all of us around. And so this guy would have to hit, like, at least a triple, maybe a home run. And then when everyone else crosses home plate, I have to high five everyone else as they cross the line. Not fair. Like the analogy should be football, you know, like, you go to the line, you check it out, you read the defense. Is this a bump and run situation? You go back, you check your slots. If she's got them covered, you go for the tight end.

[B]

Boom.

[H]

Touchdown. That's what I thought. That's what I think dating should be about. Clearly, that's a bit aggressive, guys. I'm an aggressive guy. I got a lot of tattoos.

[B]

Whoa.

[C]

There you go. There's the face. There's the face.

[B]

There I go.

[H]

Thank you, guys.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Red band, you want to start?

[C]

Hey, look, you both had. First of all, I'm sorry, Aaron, but let's just finish this right now, because I was actually thinking about it while I was daydreaming during a set.

[B]

Keep it positive.

[C]

No, it is positive. I'm just being honest. It was just a quick 5 second daydream. And what I thought of was, you can have the mic in front of your face and be a comedian and that's fine. It doesn't work. If you want to do comedy on tv, if you want to do stand up and you want to tour and do stand up, and that's great. Which is awesome. Which is all. Any stand up should be just fine with that. But I think if you're doing a special or something like that, you have to get ready to not have the microphone covering your mouth.

[A]

Your first minute should be the most important minute. And what happened right there was like you just went into like a story. And then immediately I was like, wait, this guy don't even know he's telling a story. I'm just going to look over here for a bit. You know, like your first minute needs to be like, slap you in the face. What the fuck?

[C]

Hi.

[H]

All right.

[B]

Okay. My opinion on that, because they only have a minute as a specific topic. I understand what the comedians are going through. I mean, you got to go right into it. So you don't have time to kind of. So I don't mind you going right into the story, but I was confused by it. I didn't get it. You're trying to do a play off. Going to first base is this second home run is having sex. I get it. I just got lost. It was. It was. And then cross the line according.

[C]

It's tough when you jump from one analogy.

[B]

It was hard. It was hard to get out of.

[E]

All right.

[B]

But maybe it was just a topic, you know, I don't know the rules of the game. I mean, was that I tried to

[H]

jump into it too fast. I think the.

[B]

What?

[H]

I tried to jump into it too fast. Like, that's something that normally I have. I'm slower going into it, but I only had a minute, so I overthought it and got nervous and went through it.

[B]

Fair enough. You got nervous. You're being given a point for honesty.

[H]

Thank you.

[B]

What's your name again? Ir Patriot. You have anything to say?

[E]

I don't take it personal. I think it was pretty good. I leave it to the professionals because stand up comedy is very difficult.

[B]

Give him a nice hand. Yes. Tip. All right, Good job, Adam.

[A]

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

[B]

Aaron.

[A]

Tony.

[C]

My. You know.

[B]

Oh, go ahead, Tony.

[C]

Well, first of all, Brian reminded me of something very important, and that's that the name of this actual part. Part of the show. Well, last week it was tagged or faggot.

[A]

It's spelled with a ph, by the way. Guys, calm down. Sorry. Iron Patriot.

[C]

Right. Phaggot. But what it meant was either we would end up tagging the jokes, which, if you don't know, means adding on and helping out and punching up or whatever you want to call it, which should be tag it. And then faggot with a ph. With a ph meant we don't. We think it should just go in the garbage can and you should start a new.

[A]

And Tony's getting nervous. About the idea of the name. So we. Do you guys want us to call it faggot with a ph or bag

[C]

it, Tag it, or bag it? Which means put it in a bag,

[B]

tag it, or bag it. You can't say the ph word. Don't do it. You want to work in this town? Drop it, tag it, and bag it. Thank you. How about, you know, I could be wrong.

[A]

How about we just need the mic?

[C]

It's just a couple words I don't like, and that's one of them.

[A]

All right.

[C]

I don't like that one. Even with the ph.

[B]

All right.

[C]

There's a lot of. I mean, it's a podcast, okay? We're lucky to have people. Right?

[A]

You're right.

[C]

I just. I feel like. I feel like so many people are gonna be against me when I make it in a couple years that the last thing I. The last thing I want is. Are people like, hey, look, he was calling people faggots all the time because. Because it's just. It's not even true. It was just a funny segment.

[A]

Hey, look, man, if you still hate Jews as much as me, then I had. I don't care what you do.

[C]

What? Oh, we're losing Brodies.

[A]

I'm sorry.

[B]

Here's the deal. This is what I'm talking about. Let me.

[A]

All right, so what do you think we should do? A tag it or bag it?

[B]

Tag it or bag it. And keep it moving. We got a big list, right? Keep this thing go going. Okay, 30 second intro, one minute deal. One and a half middle. One and a half minute comment. Next guy. Crank it. Boom.

[C]

Great job, Aaron.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Am I right? Am I right?

[C]

Sorry we didn't get to punch it up that well.

[B]

Let's get some energy. Craig, who's up next?

[A]

That was a bagot, by the way.

[B]

Right? That was a bag.

[C]

Yeah, definitely.

[B]

Who's up next?

[C]

Put your hands together for Jaron Horton. Talking about.

[B]

Yeah, what's he talking about? Ignorant ninjas.

[G]

It's cool being black, you know, we get a whole month to celebrate our history, but we're always complaining about having the shortest month to celebrate our history. You know who has a shorter time than us but never complains? Sharks. You know, it's cool. Chris Rock, he said it best when he said there's black people and there's niggas. I'm tired of the ignorant niggas, y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

For real.

[G]

I'm convinced, like, all niggas hate the game Monopoly because you actually have to buy shit that appreciates in value. Over time, there aren't any Escalade dealerships or footlockers on the board. So, like, I'm guilty of it too, though. Like, I remember the day I found out I was ignorant. It was the same day I got shot. And as I lay there. And, like, as I lay there bleeding, like, the first thing I thought was, damn, I can be a rapper now. And that's the end of that joke.

[C]

Fuck yeah. Killing it, Jarron Horton. Fucking love the shark joke.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Love what's going on.

[B]

Good writing.

[C]

Really good writing.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

Really well delivered. I got to start thinking more in, like, punch up, because I don't. I mean, I guess you could probably tag that Shark Week joke with something, you know?

[A]

Yeah, you could totally go into that more. So compare sharks to black guys, you know, like. Like, damn, I got a shark dick or something. I don't know what.

[B]

The

[C]

sharks never complain, you know?

[B]

You got a good thing. You got a good vibe up there. Good cool vibe, educated. I'm not big on the N word. That's just me. But I thought the shark joke was good. Good demeanor, good voice. I say positive, I'm not. You know, it's like, good personality came across. Yeah, joke was good. Spoke well, something to work. What do you think, Tony?

[C]

Yeah, I think it's. I think it's a really, really good. I wish I could think of something, help you out, but what I would say is take that and turn it into. Turn that minute into bigger, even longer, because you could stay in the pocket there and just try to really grind out some good ideas around those really, really, really well written jokes. I mean, that way that. That Shark Week thing came across seems extremely hilarious.

[B]

So I would say.

[C]

I wouldn't wear. I would dress better because.

[B]

Dress better.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

He's got a good style.

[C]

It's all right. I mean.

[G]

Hey, what you mean, just better? Like.

[C]

Well, I mean, it's just. It's just a.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

Yeah, I don't. I don't believe in.

[B]

What kind of jeans are those? I'm just.

[C]

I'm just talking about the hoodie. It just seems collegiate.

[A]

For real.

[B]

Are you in college?

[C]

I think you're.

[B]

No, I'm not.

[G]

I'm not.

[C]

I think you're better than your hoodie, is what I'm saying. Saying I think the hoodie is holding you back slightly.

[B]

Or if you're going to get a hoodie, get a more stylish one.

[C]

Right?

[G]

Okay. Okay.

[C]

Definitely.

[A]

Are you into sports? Is that why you're wearing that hoodie?

[G]

No, I'm just into like fitting in out here.

[A]

Fitting in.

[B]

Oh

[A]

well, you don't want to wear.

[C]

You think you want to fit in? Look at the guy behind you. He's dressed as the Iron Man.

[A]

Hey, Iron Patriot. What did you think about it?

[E]

The glasses are very stylish.

[A]

Thank you.

[E]

Very comfortable and stage. His deliver's rather smooth. I see big things for him if he continues to get on stage.

[B]

Yeah, I agree.

[A]

I consider that a tag it.

[B]

Jaron. Yes, yes. Jeron, how long have you been black for? I'm kidding. That's a. Just a kidding. I just had to do that because it's fun to do. I think you're fine. Good style. Keep doing it. I could actually go in and ask more personal questions. Where are you from? What are you doing? Because I have different opinions on that. If we're just totally basing this off the one minute and one minute only. Okay. All right then let's not comment on clothes. No, no, we'll not comment on Mike technique. And we'll come into that one minute.

[C]

No, it's, it's, it's about everything. It's about, it's about the one minute. Totally. So what they wear then they gotta speed it up. They gotta do it what they everything in a minute.

[B]

Okay, fair enough.

[C]

It's not just about the absolute writing.

[B]

Well, it's just hard because some of these guys, one minute is a tough thing to crank it all in.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, we know that. All right. Definitely.

[B]

Well, you ripping the guy?

[C]

These guys have been waiting two hours to do this one minute. So let's keep it moving. Jaron Horton, everybody. Very excited about the next one. I know this guy, I've seen him tripping on acid. I've seen him with a broken foot many times. It just won't heal. He's going to be talking about cannabis. His name is Jim, everybody. Look at ladies coming right behind you.

[I]

Hi, my name is Jem, that's G E M. And I recently had sex with a 20, 24 year old lady. Yeah, it was awesome. And it was all thanks to cannabis. Yeah, I grow medical cannabis as well as being a comedian. I'll let you guess what I make more money at. So I'm walking down Highland and then there's this chick in a bikini. Long story short, she comes back to the house, I cuddle with her all night. The next day I smoke one hit of the sledgehammer, blow it in her mouth, grabs my hand, takes me in the bedroom, fucks my brains out. 24 year old girl is great. I'm 43. It was a treat. Now the oldest lady I've ever had sex with was 54. I did make out with a 70 year old once,

[F]

but in my defense,

[I]

I was high on ecstasy and he kept pouring the cocaine on his lips and making me lick it off. That was the only way I could have it.

[A]

So.

[I]

All right, my name is Jim.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

That's G E.

[C]

I love the fucking. The 24 year old isn't really a joke. You're just pretty much bragging.

[B]

Yeah, you're bragging what drugs you do

[A]

and that you fuck.

[C]

There wasn't even a punchline anywhere near that thing.

[B]

I heard. Weed, coke.

[C]

Yeah, but you segue into the part that actually has a punchline, which is. I once made out with the seven. Like that's actually a restart to a whole nother joke. I mean, you, you turned it into a segue. You made it appear that way. But in reality you did two jokes. One about hooking up with a 24 year old, that wasn't a joke. And then you talked about the 70 year old and the misdirect on that. If I caught it right, it was that it was a guy. Right. And that was done ecstasy and that you were actually doing cocaine or something like that.

[I]

The 24 year old, the 53 year old were totally true. That the 70 year old was totally made up.

[A]

The old male, female.

[C]

Well, that was, that's what I was going to ask you about. The one thing that I thought of and it was, what was it like making out with the 70 year old?

[I]

I don't know.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Can I add some, Can I focus on the positive? Great, great storyteller.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

I made it. He made it visual. He told it with confidence, likability. I wasn't a fan of the bait and switch kind of, you know, it's been done before at the end. But I kind of liked where you're going with it was my first joke. I kind of, I kind of like how you're going with the 43 year old with a 24 year old. An interesting story. Smoking the pot, selling the pot, you're likable. I would say keep doing it. But you know, watch, watch those kind of jokes at the end. The, you know, the switcheroo, you know, they're good, basic jokes I guess to, you know, you can do those on the road. That's something you could do on the road. But now, go ahead, Tony.

[C]

When you hooked up with the 24 year old, you said that you blew smoke in her mouth. And that's how she asked me to

[I]

blow a hit in her mouth.

[B]

And I was like, okay, so I

[I]

blew one hit of my sledgehammer in her mouth.

[C]

How long did you talk to this girl for before?

[I]

She spent the night before we smoked the herb.

[B]

How?

[C]

So this was the morning after?

[B]

Yeah, but we didn't have sex.

[F]

We just.

[I]

She took a bath and bath. And I read. I read Frederick Nietzsche's Beyond Good and Evil tour.

[C]

So she was homeless?

[I]

She was not.

[C]

No.

[I]

How not homeless?

[C]

No, no.

[B]

How fat was she?

[F]

Mugs.

[B]

Why does it get quiet? Why does it get quiet on that? She was hefty. There you go. That changes the story. That's one of the worst jokes ever. What are you talking about? He built it up like she was hot.

[C]

And if you think about it, everybody settled down.

[B]

She was fat with Rosacea Brody. And you can. And those are fixable offenses.

[C]

How fat was she like? Was the bath your idea after you smelled her?

[B]

Oh, Tony, you had to took it to another level. Oh, come on. She wasn't older. Hey, I don't mind BBWs as long

[I]

as they have a pretty face. I thought her priest.

[B]

All right, good enough.

[C]

Wait a second. How did the bath come up? When did she want. How did she drop that on you? Like, hey, can I take a bath at your house? Because. Yeah, for people that are just listening to the audio right now, like, what would you say Jim looks like Brody? Jim, I'll let you say. Because people say I'm too mean when he's truly Irish.

[B]

No, Jim, he looks like a guy. Long hair, kind of like a Tommy Chong vibe.

[I]

I'll take that.

[B]

I like it like a smart guy, you know? Yes. Smokes pot. It's been around. Hung out in San Francisco, maybe in the early 70s, mid-70s, late 90s. Yeah, you're my age, but you bet you're an old soul. Oh, yes, yes, definitely.

[I]

You, you. You.

[B]

You act older than you are. And that makes being with the 24 year old even more of a turn on.

[I]

Oh, God. It was awesome. It was brilliant.

[C]

I'm glad, by the way.

[I]

It was nice.

[A]

It was. 24 is too old for me.

[B]

She did. She.

[I]

It was good.

[B]

Oh, Brian, you s. That's like marriage girl.

[A]

24 is marriage girl.

[J]

All right.

[A]

She's learned her lessons.

[C]

To Brian and I. 24 makes you a cougar.

[A]

Yeah, absolutely.

[B]

I'll go to Brazil and do a 16 year old. You need to go push it to the limit.

[C]

Jim. The joke is really. I feel like it's you have to reveal that it's a bigger girl and that she took a bath. The first thing was that. I mean, I only had only a minute.

[B]

I was wanting to make sure I got into the 70 year old.

[C]

That was a joke. Brody. Will you settle down? Just relax, Brody.

[B]

Oh, I get it. I'm getting attacked.

[C]

Just be comfortable, please.

[B]

Don't touch.

[C]

I know he has.

[B]

Don't touch me.

[C]

I know he has a minute, Brody, but he went into it. He went into a totally different story. Instead of talking about there's. He needs punchlines for the 24 year old.

[B]

That's a punch. A 24 year old?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

First I think you need to master.

[A]

I think you need to make it 19 or 18. Just say 19. 19's a nice number. It rolls off the tongue.

[B]

19's good.

[A]

It feels better on the tongue than a 24 year old.

[B]

20. Yeah, exactly. Very good. 19 is good. 19 better than it.

[A]

Yeah, just switch it. Yeah, okay. Yeah.

[C]

By yourself?

[B]

What?

[C]

You live by yourself.

[I]

Me and my dog.

[C]

Oh, nice.

[B]

Of course he does. I mean, yeah.

[G]

Yeah.

[A]

Make it a snake.

[C]

All right, let's keep it moving.

[B]

That's Jim, everybody.

[F]

That's

[C]

great, Tony.

[B]

You're not going to send me an evil text, are you?

[C]

No, no, it's fine.

[B]

Try you like you did.

[C]

Brody. Look at me. Why do you keep looking over there? Look at me, Brody. It's okay, Brody.

[B]

Because I'm fat and I'm just lying this direction. I'm trying to cover up my stomach. I mean, these meds make me put on weight. Hollywood put me on medication.

[A]

I'm starting a workout this week. 24 Hour Fitness. I'm losing 30 pounds in two months. You want to do it?

[B]

How are you going to do that?

[C]

Look at that.

[A]

Easy.

[B]

How easy? I'll help.

[A]

All right, let's do it.

[B]

I'm already cutting out soda.

[A]

Cool.

[B]

I had an orange crush for lunch. You got it. Eating local pastrami on rye. Pay a couple extra bucks to get some personality. See you later, Subway. I go to an original sandwich artist. His name is Herman the German.

[C]

All right.

[B]

I mean, all right. Tony. How dare you? You and your veggie grill.

[C]

I'm excited about. Oh, okay. Well, this is a new name to me. I'm excited to see what we're marriage from Felipe Ramirez, everybody.

[B]

Here we go.

[C]

Marriage.

[B]

Ramirez. Ramirez. What happened?

[C]

Oh, snap.

[B]

INS show up.

[C]

Oh, see there?

[B]

He's on a bus back to Tijuana. As we.

[C]

Brody can talk about whatever he wants, but every time I even get close To a slight dull edge. It's.

[B]

Oh, Tony, the guy's not here. A Latino guy. And I said INS showed up. It's just a basic joke.

[A]

Let me see if he's sleeping out.

[B]

Oh, that's racist.

[J]

What?

[B]

That's racist. He actually cut my lawn this morning.

[C]

Luckily, a bunch of. Luckily a bunch of people signed up. Even though there's more spots.

[B]

Keep it moving. Good job, Tony Hench.

[C]

Put your hands together. Hey, you know what? There's not enough jokes about that. I've noticed is thought that counts from

[J]

Nick

[C]

Bouvier or something.

[A]

You actually got it right.

[C]

Bouvier, wow.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Awesome French. Oh, sorry. Go ahead. Nick, everybody. There he is. I really hate when people say inconsiderate shit like.

[H]

Like I love you or it's.

[C]

It's the thought that counts is the one that really pisses me off.

[H]

It's the thought that counts.

[C]

Pisses me off more than you realize. There's no lazier way to tell me that you're a negligent friend than it's the thought that counts.

[H]

Like if you buy me a pair

[C]

of socks for Christmas and you tell me it's the thought that counts.

[H]

Obviously you don't think that much of me. Yeah.

[C]

So it's a new thing, so obviously I love it.

[B]

Why'd you stop?

[A]

I don't have much else.

[C]

It's new, so I don't really have much after that.

[B]

So that's kind of all right. You want to. You want to my opinion?

[C]

Yeah, go ahead.

[B]

I would say I don't even know what the bit was, but I think you have good, like, good strong presence up there. Like hold the mic. I mean, you actually see how he holds the mic.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah, I noticed it was six inches from his face. I know.

[B]

Yeah, it was good, but I didn't see the bit. But I think. I mean, I saw. But like, likeability matters. You want to maybe come off with. With a little bit of a smile. How you doing? That kind of thing. Like I said, I like how you enunciate. I like the. How you held the mic, but I think a little more likability up front. A smile. How you doing? And again, I know you're like, it's a one minute thing and what. What have you, but I think that's what I picked up.

[C]

Okay, I agree with that smile thing you could definitely pull off because it's. You already seem likable. I think that is definitely a missing part. Maybe it's just because of the one minute set.

[B]

Well, he's a big guy, too.

[C]

What are you doing stand up for?

[A]

Wait, that was 30 seconds set. By the way.

[C]

How long you been doing stand up for? Oh, I thought you said stand up for me.

[B]

I'm like, why?

[C]

That's weird and kind of creepy. Yeah, no, I'm new.

[H]

I'm like a couple months in.

[B]

Like, really. Oh, also, one thing I picked up. You don't need to curse. I think saying or saying or whatever, it's like you don't need to say them. You can use it. Some people say it. Use it as a crutch. Some people use it as a punchline. Some people use it out of nervousness. I would say if we don't know you, you're just getting started. I see somebody cursing. I. This is just me. I go, how dare he? I don't want to hear. And I don't know this guy. You know, that's just my instinct. Whereas I just think it's a healthy thing to, like when you're starting out. I wouldn't curse.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But I'm not. You know, again, that's the, that's the rule, not the exception.

[A]

I. I disagree with Brody again.

[B]

Oh, you son of a.

[A]

You son of a bitch. I say if you curse in real life, you curse in person. And that's the biggest thing that if. Yeah, I thought your presentation was very, like, if you talk to me like that, I thought you'd be selling me something, you know, like, it seems you're very, like, strict. Like, you should just talk in the mic how you'd be talking to your best friend.

[C]

Do you swear in real life like

[B]

that all the time.

[A]

Time there.

[B]

I don't like it. I don't like it. Call me old school. There's a reason why you can't say on NBC and they buy the Olympics. So if you want to go watch Channel 9 and watch FX and you're. They're not buying the Olympics.

[C]

And there's also a reason why people are downloading their stand up comedy now and not watching it on NBC like they used to have to.

[A]

But I'm not thinking.

[C]

And in five years, that would be about real things.

[A]

And in five years that we bought

[B]

the Olympics, everybody wants to be on Comedy Central, right?

[C]

I think so. Yeah. I agree.

[B]

Well, I don't curse, and I made it there. I didn't say one curse word on my half hour special.

[C]

There you go. Absolutely.

[A]

I do not want to be on Comedy Central.

[C]

Right. Not everybody wants to be on tv.

[B]

It's just a bad. I think it's Especially when you're starting. I think it's a good idea. Not the curse. You watch, they say on the super

[C]

bowl, it's a good idea to try to write around it, but it's also a great idea to work on being yourself. And if that's who you really are, and that's.

[B]

I don't want to hear it. Then. Then you're out. If a guy saying fucking shit and he. Three months guy.

[C]

But you cuss on stage when my

[B]

buttons are pushed and I've earned the right. I don't swear when I do. Audience warm up. No way.

[C]

Well, right. Because.

[B]

Because what?

[C]

Because you. There's repercussions when you're doing.

[B]

There's repercussions when I'm watching a comedian who I haven't seen and he's saying fucking shit.

[C]

What are the repercussions?

[B]

I won't hire him.

[C]

What are you hiring for? What. What business? What side business are you running?

[B]

I have some say in some things.

[C]

Just to help you move or something. Like what are they auditioning for?

[B]

I have some say in something. You're doing good. I like your. You know. But you're a big guy, you know, you're strong. You got the buttoned up already, like. Yeah. Loosen up a little bit.

[C]

Definitely loosen up a little button. Without a doubt.

[B]

There you go. All right. That was good.

[C]

Definitely.

[G]

Thank you.

[C]

I would definitely lose the top button. His outfits tighter than the Iron Patriots. The Iron Patriots squeaking over there at times. I love it. You need some WD40 for your.

[B]

Sorry for getting heated. Tony. I apologize.

[C]

Oh, it's okay.

[A]

You're very emotional.

[B]

I cut back on my Klonopin. Really? Yeah. I take a half a Klonopin.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

As opposed to a full and I'm not feeling the side effect. No withdrawal. No withdrawal.

[C]

Does your psychiatrist know about this?

[B]

Did it against her will. She told me to take more. I said I'm taking less.

[C]

No.

[B]

And now I'm seeing things.

[C]

Iron Patriot, can you do me a. Can you do me a favor and shine your lights in that guy's eyes? It's sleeping right there. Hey, Jordan. Wake up, you son of a.

[J]

What the.

[F]

Jordan.

[B]

Jordan. I'm proud. This guy's lost £100 in what, six months? It's a man. It's like a world record.

[C]

Yeah. He's over there dying. He's holding up his head right now like he's. All right, let's keep it moving, everybody.

[B]

That's impressive. All right. Keep it moving. Who's Next.

[C]

I'm excited about this next one because this sounds like a rap title of a stage name.

[B]

Here we go.

[C]

20,000 made in two months. Is it what we're talking about? And the name is Lil Bro.

[B]

Hell yeah.

[C]

Here he is. Oh, snap. The hoodie is because my.

[B]

I get cold. The cap is.

[C]

Cause I'm going bald and I'm dressed. Cause I wasn't planning on coming on stage. I made 20,000 since I've been out here.

[A]

Right?

[C]

I know y' all wondering how you make 20,000 less than three weeks. I go to Beverly Hills and kidnap their dogs and wait for them to post rewards.

[B]

And if you want to do this,

[C]

you can't go to Beverly Hills right now because it's a little hot over there. You need a black Town car, a black suit, black hat, and a black tie. It's got to be about 2009 or newer, because after that they'll pull you over in a 74 town car like, woo hoo. And you can't stop in Beverly Hills. You gotta just slow down. You know, you can't stop over there if you're black. Stop your ass.

[B]

That's my time.

[C]

Hilarious.

[B]

Very good.

[C]

Absolutely hilarious joke.

[B]

You know, I told. I told you to loosen up and not cuss and you change your whole style, bro. Racist. What happened? I got racist. What happened? Two, Check, check. Two. Two. I thought it was really good. Great joke up front. Stealing the dogs. Likable. Got a good style. Confident, you know, so totally. I say keep. Keep doing what you're doing.

[A]

And nice watch color.

[C]

You can make that one. That. That's another type of joke where it could be such a. Even that.

[J]

That.

[C]

That's when you know a joke's good, is when it should be an even better, bigger bit. You know what I mean? And that's. Who threw that at me? I don't know. What are you doing? What was that?

[B]

I was showing on my watch? We're both wearing a G Shock, but you don't see that connection.

[C]

No, I mean, I was just.

[A]

Hey, it's all about Casio. $14 Kmart. Looks the same. Who cares?

[B]

This is a better watch. All right.

[A]

That.

[B]

I thought that was good. You know what was also good? What's your name, by the way? Little bro?

[A]

Little bro.

[B]

You went up there and you. You just, you know, describe what you're wearing. I'm wearing a jacket, wearing a hat. And you know. You did that. I make 20,000. Well, it's interesting. So you set it up well, you spoke well. I know you Only had a minute. I thought it was really good.

[C]

Really cool. Really awesome. Make it bigger. Great show. There he goes. Lil bro. Oh, yeah.

[A]

Yeah, that was good.

[C]

All right. Keeping it bumping over here. Talking about dating, everybody, it's David Neeker.

[J]

Thank you so much. Before I get started, I just want to say that I should be able to marry the person that I love. And I wish the Supreme Court would make it the law, because right now, she won't even reply to my emails. Thank you. I am dating. I'm trying Internet dating. Internet dating is not going so well. I like to get to know a woman before I have sex with her. The trick is to get to know her enough to want to have sex with her before she gets to know me enough to not want to have sex with me. When it comes to women, I've got the Midas touch. Every woman I touch puts on the brakes, guaranteed. Thank you, Andre.

[C]

Fuck, yeah.

[A]

Ended strong.

[C]

Yeah, totally.

[B]

Go ahead. You want to start first?

[C]

I like you going first, Brody.

[B]

All right. The Midas joke, to me, seems like it's been done before. I got to research that joke.

[J]

I wrote it.

[B]

You did write it.

[J]

I wrote that. Your first joke I ever wrote.

[B]

Whoa. Okay, go ahead.

[J]

That's my joke.

[B]

Okay. What? Okay, this is what I do. This is what I do.

[A]

When I come up.

[C]

When you write a joke like that, you start doing comedy. No joke happens first, and then you're like, you know what? I think this one has to get a laugh.

[B]

But you know what? When you come up with something, this is what I do. This is just me. When I come up with a joke or a short joke or a funny, like, I like that joke. I have the Midas touch of women. When I go for that, they put the brakes on. To me, it's a clever. I'm not saying it's not clever. It's a wordplay joke. But it seems like I would research that one. I stop a joke the minute I hear something similar. For the most part, I do that. So I would not be so married to that joke. Number one, it sounds like a street joke, and I'm not saying you didn't write it, but I'm saying it's got to be somewhere else.

[C]

I've never heard it before.

[J]

That's my joke. Thank you, though. I appreciate. I take it as a compliment, but

[B]

it's a good joke. I'm not. Okay. Also, the beard is. It's different. The beard is different. I think with you, it's just like. Just keep doing it and Getting more comfortable and more confident. That's what I say.

[C]

Right. I totally agree. I think that. I think that finding a comfort zone in the beginning, you know, build it. Figuring out a way to build that connection. Because the first joke felt like it was. You delivered it like it was a stock joke. You know what I mean? What was it again?

[J]

The one Supreme Court making America.

[C]

Oh, right.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And on that note, I think that you can hype that up more in the beginning by blatant. But you have to spell it out more on the top end, where you're saying you really have to make it look like you're gay for a second, you know, to build that up before you give the reveal that it's a she. Because as it is, there's only like a second. You say, the Supreme Court won't let me get married. Whatever, or whatever. Because she. It just needs more setup for the punchline on the old switcheroo.

[B]

Okay, so what's the Midas touch joke? I got the Midas touch. When I put the moves on women, they put the brain.

[E]

Yeah.

[J]

Every woman I touch puts on the bricks.

[C]

Brody's. Brody's Googling this right now.

[A]

I, like, I, I thought. Honestly, I thought you, you. At the beginning, it was kind of, you know, touch and go, just because it was more.

[J]

I think I'm honored that Brody thinks I stole that joke, but that is.

[A]

No, no, no, no. But I wrote it.

[C]

I thought that saying you stole it

[B]

and somebody else thought it.

[C]

It's almost right.

[A]

Every joke is like that, though. Brody. I never heard it before. It was a good joke.

[J]

Thank you.

[B]

You who's heard the Midas touch joke breaks. She put the brakes on. I have the Midas touch. I'm still research.

[C]

Have you.

[J]

I'm just. I think I should defend it. It's my joke.

[B]

I wrote it.

[C]

Oh, we have somebody heard it here.

[J]

It's my joke.

[C]

You might have heard it here from David Neer.

[J]

That's my joke. I wrote it.

[A]

I believe him.

[C]

I love it. Absolutely. No, I agree. I, I, I, I. I think everybody's in agreeance with that. I think Brody's just checking to see if it's been come up with before.

[A]

I think Brody's just mad that he shaved his beard. It's not as glorious and romantic as yours, sir.

[C]

Thank you very much for coming, everybody. Thank you so much.

[B]

David, can you text me the whole joke so I can just cut and paste it into Google?

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

I'm, I'm. I have to.

[C]

Talking about.

[B]

I've got the Midas touch.

[A]

Half is meds, half whenever.

[C]

Yeah, I make them. Does anybody have any extra Kalana pin on them? You guys are in for a treat. Talking about homeless guys, it's Nina B.

[B]

She is.

[K]

I've got an English accent, and I'm still a bit confused about homeless guys. Since I've been here in the past two months, I've had three homeless guys jerk off in front of me. Am I. Should I be complimented or insulted? Oh, thank you. But it's still. It's still confusing. It's like, is there a quota for this? It's a city quota. The first time it happened, I thought the guy was having a seizure. I was like, are you okay? Are you all right? Okay. All right, I'll just leave you. You're good.

[L]

You're good.

[K]

The second time I come out of the work, the guy sitting by my car, and he looks really upset. I get out $5. Here's $5. Are you okay? Should I wait? I'll just put it down here. He was so sweet. He said, thank you. You know, they're really polite, but I tell my friend this, and she's like, ew, Homeless guy is jerking up. Ew.

[B]

And I was like, why?

[K]

And she said, well, I mean, can't they go around a corner or behind a car? You know? Why do you. You know, they're kind of homeless. They're still human.

[B]

There you go.

[C]

Very nice. Hell, yeah. Fuck, yeah. So that's exciting. Homeless guy's jerking off. It's happening, huh?

[K]

What's the highlight of Helen so far?

[C]

I would definitely own it. Instead of having your punchline be a question when you say, I don't know if I was a insulted or I don't know whether it was an insult or a compliment. I would definitely go either way with it and flip it so that you actually have something to say so that you're not ending it in a question. Like, I wasn't. First I was insulted and, you know, something in your own way or whatever. You could say something like, you know, at first I was insulted, but then I took it as a compliment. And it still would need a tag or something to be. And then you. I don't know, you got anesthesia thing. I was distracted because I saw heard Iron man get a blowjob.

[A]

I was distracted by the masturbation boner.

[C]

I mean.

[B]

Oh, God.

[C]

What are you doing?

[A]

I thought it seemed more like a story, like. Like you're telling a friend, like a story of something that happened. So it was kind of, like, I was like, wait. Like, kind of interest. Like, wait, what's going on? It wasn't. I don't know. I just kind of like, it just. It seems like it needs to be trimmed and tagged. You know what I mean? Like, it just seemed like, yeah, it was a story. I was waiting, kind of like trying to focus and figure out what happened. And I don't know, I, I, I.

[B]

You know, you have an accent. Do you mention you're from another country?

[A]

Yes.

[K]

Yes.

[B]

What country again?

[M]

England.

[B]

England. I like that. You got a Tracy Ullman vibe.

[C]

Very Tracy Ullman.

[B]

That's a, that's a compliment.

[A]

I'm looking at you as a piece of meat right now.

[B]

Do you have a boyfriend?

[C]

God.

[B]

What? You ever been to the Valley at night?

[A]

No.

[B]

How long are you here in America for?

[K]

I've been in America for two years. Yeah. Before this? Yeah, I'm here indefinitely.

[B]

Really?

[L]

Yeah.

[B]

So what do you do? You're into dogs? It's like the dog bone. I like it.

[A]

She's a piece of meat.

[K]

Spray paint. You're spray painting.

[B]

You're a tagger.

[K]

Yes, I am.

[C]

Are you Banksy? Are you Banksy?

[B]

We're testing you right now.

[K]

Am I Banksy?

[B]

I, maybe I say keep doing it. You know, you got good stage. How long you been doing comedy for?

[K]

I was. I did do it for 18 months and I fell off stage, broke my leg. I didn't have health insurance.

[C]

Wait a second.

[B]

Wait, what?

[C]

Second?

[B]

That's a great story.

[C]

You fell off stage doing stand up your first time?

[K]

No, no, I've been doing it for 18 months. I was actually getting somewhere.

[C]

First of all, first of all, I got to tell you something. Once it's not like. It's not like a baby. Once you've been doing stand up for over a year, you just say you've been doing it for over a year. 18 months. Like, that's not, that's not how we keep time here in America. People are going to think you're completely insane if you answer that. 18 months, say almost two years. A year and a half. Or she.

[A]

So you started when you were like 22 and a half.

[B]

I think you have good stage presence. I think you just keep doing it. Don't worry about it. You know, it takes a while. Talk about yourself more. You got a nice bubbly personality of confidence. Don't worry about the jokes at this.

[K]

What I do wrong by me doing that joke? That's what I wanted to know.

[B]

Was I grossed out? Why I was researching some others. What about the having sex with a homeless guy.

[C]

Jesus. Oh, yeah, you were.

[B]

Were you talking about homeless people? Right.

[A]

They were masturbating to her three times.

[C]

What do you think about the Iron Patriot?

[K]

Are you actually.

[C]

Are you into something?

[M]

Yeah.

[B]

Can I say something as a compliment?

[C]

Wait, what did the Iron Patriot just say? Hold on a second.

[E]

I think she's a beautiful girl, and there's not very many women in comedy, so I think she's got a good chance at. She just keeps it up and I

[B]

can't make you laugh. I agree. Can I say something? What's your name?

[K]

Nina.

[B]

Nina. You know, it's like I, I. Oh, my legs falling asleep. You look great, but the sweater, it's like you're covering up. I, I say, like, show off your body a little. Little bit. Give off a little sex appeal. Wow.

[A]

It was nice meeting you.

[B]

Damn. Am I wrong with that? My legs asleep. Hold on. I think I'm right.

[C]

Okay. Anyway.

[B]

What do you mean, anyway? Tony? I didn't, like.

[C]

That's a pretty big insult to tell a female comedian to show some more skin.

[B]

Oh, thank you. My leg fell asleep. I didn't say show more skin, but show your body. When you're. When you're layered like that, it's like going on stage with a jacket. Yeah. My legs asleep. I didn't, like, Look, I didn't. The sweater felt like it was hiding something. It was a distraction. Sorry. So hate me for that.

[A]

Tony.

[C]

Brody, it's okay.

[A]

When your leg falls asleep. Brody, when your leg falls asleep, doesn't it, like, tickle so much that if anyone were to touch it, like, I. No one would. Anybody, like, like, when my leg falls asleep, if anyone touches it, I will, like, probably die?

[B]

No. It feels weird. Let me ask Lainey, Can I ask you a question? Was I. Was I wrong or out of line saying I would like to see her up here without the sweatshirt? It felt like she was kind of like. It would have made a different impression without the.

[C]

Without the sweatshirt. Pretty. And she would have been very cute

[B]

in a sexier outfit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why not play on? That is what I'm saying, don't I. I say don't take it as a slam. Everyone's uncomfortable.

[C]

He's probably gonna want to see more skin from this next comedian. Because it's a man, everybody.

[B]

Oh, you son of a bastard.

[C]

Talking about dating site commercials and sex toys. Put your hands together for Tom Connor.

[B]

Yes.

[I]

So I just moved out of my grandma's house. I haven't enjoyed pornography in a year now. I'VE been getting off on Christian Mingle commercials and like that. Just.

[B]

Oh, she would fall for all of my.

[C]

Yes.

[I]

And it's never in line of family friendly sex products from Trojan.

[B]

I'm glad for that.

[C]

Iron Patriot. Get closer to take on anal beads.

[I]

You know, it'd be nice and small and non threatening.

[B]

It'll be good.

[I]

I forgot the next line.

[B]

It.

[I]

I forgot the next line. It.

[C]

Very good. I. I think that was enough. I love your style. How long you been doing standup for? There you go.

[A]

Second.

[C]

Second time. Wow, you are. You are a badass for doing this show.

[B]

I got great advice for you.

[C]

Time. Oh, you know me. Oh, wow. Hi. Nice to meet you. Oh, cool. Wow, look at that, everybody. I inspired Tom Connors, everyone. Thank you, Tom.

[B]

That's a beautiful moment. I have some advice for you, Tom. There's a show after this called the Ding Dong show, and I think you'd be a great fit for that. You're good. Your character. Yeah.

[C]

Where are you from?

[J]

India Desert.

[B]

Oh, my mom lives in Palm and Palm. Rancho Mirage. Can you check on her tonight?

[I]

My mom has probably slept with your mom.

[B]

Okay, let's not push her. My mom's not. My mom's not a lesbian. My mom went to Fairfax High School. She banged dudes.

[C]

Who's the guy? Who's the guy from the hangover that the. The guy that's not Zach and not Bradley Cooper.

[B]

Ed Helms. He looks like Ed Helms.

[C]

He looks a lot like Ed Helms.

[B]

You do a little bit. That's a compliment. You know who at Helms is? No.

[C]

He does.

[B]

He's on there. You have Internet at home talking about?

[C]

What do you mean? Look at him.

[B]

Not really.

[C]

Okay, well, he has a shaved head.

[A]

What's the guy that's in the bathroom that's like that movie, the army movie. And he's just.

[C]

Yes, that's also true. Platoon does look like Private Pile as well.

[B]

We're doing Full Metal Jacket.

[I]

No, but I was in the Marine Corps.

[B]

Give him a nice hand.

[C]

An American hero.

[B]

I was in The Marines too. 1994. You got it. Iraqi soldier. Nobody got my joke. It's one of my best jokes ever. I wrote it, but I'm sure other people do it. All right, what else we got? What was that cat noise?

[A]

I'm trying to get checking cook. Sorry.

[B]

All right, who's up next?

[C]

Well, you know what? We were talking about women before, and the subject written down here is women. Put your hands together for David Dorward, everybody.

[D]

All right, I'll Bring the sex appeal brow. Don't worry, I. I'm joking. I recently had someone tell me I look like I do solo masturbation scenes and porn. Yeah. What is that? How am I supposed to respond to that? They just heard me tell that downstairs. God damn it.

[A]

Yes,

[D]

I do love women. I wrote that down. Tell you when people are disrespectful to women. Okay, guys, like, I think one of the most disrespectful things you say to a woman this day and age just like, bitch, make me a sandwich. You know, like, that's terrible. Why would you say that? So I was so awkward the other day. I saw someone walk up to a woman and he was just like, bitch, make me a sandwich. It was terrible because all she could say back to him was just, welcome to Subway. That's right, fellas, you gotta keep him in line at the Subway. Alright, that's the joke. Thank you.

[B]

Woo hoo.

[C]

Fuck yeah. Now, before we get to Subway, which, you know. All right, what's interesting is that Brody was just searching Dave Naker for jokes. And Brody actually has a joke about solo masturbation. So I'm wondering if I have a feeling that perhaps David Dorward wrote it first and.

[D]

That's right, you a hole.

[B]

You don't talk to me though. What's the joke? What's your joke?

[D]

You know, actually an employee at the Comedy Store told me that.

[B]

So what, solo scene?

[D]

Yes, he told me I look like I do solo masturbation scenes and porn.

[B]

Who said that to.

[C]

Had to be Ricky.

[D]

There you go. Was it Ricky Luna?

[C]

There you go.

[B]

Ricky Luna, who's seen my act probably a lot. Working the door.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

So he's selling off my joke.

[C]

He tells every.

[B]

Oh shit.

[C]

He tells every guy.

[D]

Oh my God.

[B]

He probably wanted to be with you.

[A]

Yeah, he was figured.

[C]

Yeah, he was definitely hitting on you. He tells every guy that walks up to the back door that he wants to see them do solo masturbation porn.

[B]

That's my bit.

[C]

He's the only employee here that actually blows other male employees in the parking lot.

[A]

So New Year's Eve, Ryan Mervis. Wait, is that now?

[C]

It's out there now. This is unedited, raw and fun.

[B]

I think you're fine. Just keep doing it. You got.

[C]

I sort of saw Subway coming. I think you could double down if you're gonna do it. I think you could double misdirect it and say, you know, this is a goofier store, like a JCPenney or a Kaufman's or Something. I don't know because I think. Did you guys feel like Subway was coming? Right. Okay. Dillard. Dillard's is a funny word.

[B]

Dillard's is funny.

[C]

There you go. I would say that you saw him say bitch make a sandwich to somebody and then she's like, this is Dillard's or something like that. I don't know though. You got to write it yourself. I would just say that it would be. You feel Subway coming.

[D]

Okay. Thank you.

[B]

Could have done Quiznos.

[A]

Jersey Mike's.

[B]

Oh, those are delicious.

[A]

You want them?

[B]

Jersey Mike's. All the Mike Mike's.

[A]

And it's a guy. And you say bitch too.

[B]

Do you want a mics way? That's what he says. I don't know anymore.

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

I'm sorry, Brian.

[C]

I would bag it. I'd bag it.

[A]

I'd bag it.

[C]

There he goes. David Dorwood, the Patriot. The Patriot gave him the. The blast away with the light. Did you notice that, like, when he walked out, he goes like this and he walked away. So it made it look like he had some powers there. Oh, my God.

[A]

How many more do we got? Cuz we got.

[C]

How long do we got?

[A]

We got about 10 minutes.

[C]

Awesome. I think we might be able to knock it out. Put your hands together for Cancer walks is the name of the show from Elise Martin. Here's Elise, the lovely Elise, getting a high five from the iron patient.

[L]

Hi. How's it going? So I'm a teacher. You're supposed to clap for that. Thanks. I teach in downtown Los Angeles. My favorite part about teaching poor kids is that it doesn't matter. My friends always ask me, elise, why are you doing stand up? Why are you doing teaching? Don't you want to own a home? Don't you want to be a homeowner? I plan on owning a home just as soon as my parents die. So everyone's into running races these days, and I'm into 5Ks, I'm into 10Ks, but the one race I won't do are cancer walks. It's too competitive. No one has tits. Is that too mean? I did that joke for my mom's friend who has cancer on Mother's Day. She laughed. So I'm a woman doing comedy, and I just feel like I owe it to women in history before me, like Joan of Arc or like Mother Teresa or like Amelia Earhart. Amelia Earhart, the first woman to prove that women shouldn't drive. Thanks, guys.

[A]

Yeah. Love it.

[B]

Now the sweater looks really good on you. I would say for you. Keep the sweater.

[C]

I think you're doing great.

[B]

Just keep doing what you're doing, you know, like good stage presence, good speaking, likable. I know you have like the dark little edge at the end, but, you know, I think you're on the right track. That's my feeling. Go ahead, Tony. What? Tony's a material guy. I thought. I just thought like. Yeah, your presentation was good. Your confidence was good.

[C]

I feel like I really.

[B]

The more you do it, you'll just get better and better. Tony, go.

[C]

Really? Like the, the cancer walks joke, the flat chested thing. Right.

[B]

It's kind of harsh.

[L]

That's the second time I've done that

[B]

one, so it's new.

[A]

Oh, talking to the mic?

[C]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, talking to the mic. When you respond.

[L]

Yeah, that's the second time I've done it, so that's new.

[C]

What do you say again? That it's. That's competitive.

[L]

Because it's too competitive. No one has tits, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Your.

[A]

Your school. Your teaching joke was good. I thought your material was really great. Obviously this is a one minute set, so it'd be really cool to see you do like longer sets with that material and stuff. But I thought you. You're doing awesome. You look awesome. Hot, sexy. Want to fuck. All right.

[C]

How long have you. How long. How long have you been doing stand up?

[L]

Actually, I just had my one year anniversary like a couple days ago.

[C]

Okay. I would definitely say stretch out the cancer walks. Talk more about why it might be more competitive.

[B]

Why?

[C]

You know, I don't know, maybe something has to do with the color pink. Like you could get into it more and more. I would tag that more normally. Sometimes. Last week I was coming up with more stuff, but I'm sort of just.

[B]

Tony is a tag master. I would say again, yes. I mean, if you're doing cancer jokes, you're getting. You're. You're walking that fine line, I think, right.

[C]

Between funny and hilarious.

[A]

Yeah, I agree.

[B]

Okay. If you want to do that, go

[A]

ahead, throw cuss words in it.

[B]

Just say. I'm just telling you, the only thing

[C]

it's missing is a couple.

[B]

I'm telling you from. I just. I just know how sensitive.

[C]

Brody.

[A]

I know.

[C]

And you're talking about fundamentals and it's great and it makes sense. But. And that's where. That's why, you know, there's always a different guest here and it's always going to be different. And one thing between you and I'm supposed to say you're extremely clean and

[B]

I'M not extremely clean.

[C]

Oh, you're definitely extremely.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Jerking off on a Ferris wheel is clean. So many. Somebody's got to wipe it up.

[C]

Well, that's not one of the ones that you did in your half hour.

[B]

Yeah, I did.

[C]

Well, there you go then. You did jerking off jokes in your first half hour on tv.

[B]

It's not cursing. The bottom.

[C]

The bottom line is, did you curse during the set?

[B]

I don't remember. I might have said the S word. I'm just saying, like, again, I think you're doing great. I just. It's just red flags for me when I see new comedians doing dark, edgy stuff.

[C]

How many milligrams of hypocrite are you on?

[B]

I said new. I said new. If I was a brand new comedian, that should get a big laugh. But I've been doing it 20 years.

[C]

Cancer joke. And then you say, you shouldn't be doing a cancer joke to somebody. Like, we're really living. I mean, Brody, it's a different age, and it's starting to evolve, and it's all gonna turn into one Internet box. So I don't think people need to be afraid of.

[B]

Look at Bieber. Here's the deal. Justin Bieber.

[C]

Because I.

[B]

He's an Internet guy, right? People hate him now, and he's popular. But you know what? The people who really make decisions are going to go fu. Bieber.

[C]

Right.

[B]

And he might laugh all the way to the bank, but America and values, they don't like to hear young people or fresh people doing offensive stuff. I don't. And I've got power.

[C]

You keep changing it from young people to comedians. So which one is it?

[B]

Because young comedians.

[C]

Oh, wow.

[B]

I'm just saying it's a red flag. Okay, let's ask Lainey again. Lainey. What you're feeling when you hear. When you hear. I'm not saying the joke wasn't funny, but when you hear a cancer joke with a breast lopped off kind of bothers me. Thank you.

[C]

Of course. That's Laney. That's the Comedy Store Mother.

[A]

That's not the target market. She's looking for middle America.

[C]

CBS guys over at the Crazy Norwegians.

[B]

Where are they from? Where are you from?

[C]

We're from Iceland.

[B]

Okay. All they're into is Bjork there. It's very happy. Not really.

[A]

I would. Let's. Let's ask the iron.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Iron. Iron Man. Iron Patriot.

[C]

Cancer jokes or no cancer jokes, I

[E]

think she has nice skin.

[C]

Thank you very much for Elise Martin.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Very funny. And now Talking about white guys. It's Bianca Yates. White guys. Look at Iceland. The whitest guys.

[K]

The whitest guys.

[L]

Have you ever seen an ugly person jogging and thought, oh, it's really kind of pointless for you? Me neither. Hey, I used to date this guy that didn't know he wasn't black. He used to insist on calling me boo. I was patient with him for a while, but I got so, so tired of pretending to be scared all the time. Like, hey, boo. Ah, didn't see you there again. We have to talk. So I'm single now, which I love. Nobody believes me, right? When a girl says. When a girl says she loves being single, like, be honest. What you hear is like, oh, hey, I'd love to have someone to share my dreams and hopes with, but not if it's cutting into my eating cheese alone and crying time. Okay, Thanks, guys.

[B]

Yeah,

[C]

yeah.

[J]

The.

[C]

The boo. The boo. The boo. What did you just say to me?

[A]

I said, have I dated her boo? I said boo to everybody, including my dad.

[C]

There needs to be more to. There needs to be more to that one for sure. That either. That I would say. Say. I would say, like, you know, it would need it because you set it up like, he doesn't know that he's black, but all he's saying is the boo thing. So you would need more so.

[L]

Well, but it's a minute.

[K]

That's why.

[C]

But. All right, well, I guess it's better. It's better to do one subject at a time.

[B]

Okay, sorry about that.

[C]

Than the best part of each joke. Like, I think when people do this. But, I mean, it's everybody's first time.

[L]

Well, okay, so what would you say about.

[C]

Is that the whole joke, or are you saying that it's only a minute? I'm saying is when you were talking about the boo thing, the white guy acting that didn't know he was black. Is that the whole joke? Or did you only do specific part of a joke because you knew it was a minute?

[L]

The boo part is. Is the big.

[K]

Yeah.

[L]

Is the main.

[C]

Is the main part of that. So you set up, which was build

[L]

on the fact that he doesn't know that he's not black.

[A]

Or the boo thing.

[B]

Right.

[C]

The thing is, the only time he was white was blobbity blah. And another thing that he did that was black was blobbity. Okay, well, yeah, because you set it up like this guy was always story. Yeah, black, but you only give one little boot. It's a boo joke. I bag it. I bag it.

[B]

Okay. Here we go. My name is Stephen Brody Siemens. What's your name again?

[C]

This is Bianca Yates.

[B]

Bianca. Good energy. I liked it. I could see you doing commercials. I see an improv energy. I see, like, an actor energy, actress energy. I'm not saying don't do stand up. When I see you up there, I say this girl. I put you in a commercial. I put you like. Are you an actress?

[K]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, I see that. I see that you have commercials.

[C]

You have a commercial agent.

[L]

No.

[C]

You should get her one.

[B]

All right, hold on, hold on. But I do. You have good actress energy, improv energy. I'm not saying don't do stand up. You know, it's like, I think your strength is you. Your acting is this and that kind of stuff. So I think the jokes will somehow catch up to your mannerisms. I wouldn't worry. I mean, I always say, yeah, jokes matter, but it's about stage time. It really is. You can focus and really tag and tag and tag and tag and do this, but you got to get. Get up on stage and stage and stage. Bottom line is, I think you got good energy and just keep doing it.

[C]

Yeah, I totally agree. I.

[B]

What do you think?

[L]

You haven't said that yet.

[C]

You have a. You have good beats. I'd say definitely. Definitely keep doing it. Like Brody said, I like the boo joke.

[A]

I think you should really, actually go into a boot, because I. I know there's conflictions because I boo honestly, 40 times a day, you love boo.

[B]

I like when you say boo.

[A]

I think it's a nice word to say.

[C]

The only time.

[A]

Comforting. It's like a hug with your mouth.

[L]

It's turned into. It's turned into something different, like, hey,

[B]

but what's the joke? He calls you hey, boo.

[L]

He calls me boo.

[B]

I like that.

[C]

Is it short for honey boo Boo? No, that could be. That could be something. Maybe. In a world where unfunny things.

[B]

Where are you from originally?

[L]

Montreal.

[C]

Montreal, home of a powerful comedy festival. Just for laughs.

[B]

So you're. You speak French also?

[L]

We.

[K]

Yeah.

[B]

It is tough when you have the minute up here, because if you had more minutes, you could say.

[C]

You.

[B]

When you talk, do you talk about you're from Canada in your act?

[L]

I have before. Since coming here? Yeah, because I didn't have to mention it at home. Like, I've only been here for a couple months.

[B]

Oh, really? You need a place to stay? Why is that weird? I offer lodging.

[C]

Brody, you're our female fashion expert tonight. What do you think about the way

[B]

she's dressed I. I like it. It's. You know, maybe you could lose the. The jacket.

[L]

I, I, you know what I feel.

[C]

I notice he never says, put on more clothes.

[B]

No, but, but the girl before. I felt the sweater was Bianca. I felt the sweater was really good. And the girl and. And Kate b. Or whatever she needed. Elise. Elise was good. You're Bianca? Are you Bianca? Okay, you could. I think the black jacket, you could lose. And the girl with the orange sweater. Lose a sweater, but Elise, your sweater looks good with sex.

[C]

Ladies, do you want to. Do you want Brody to take off any clothes?

[B]

I'm out of shape, Tony. I'm on medication. It's bloated me up.

[C]

Is that why you're okay?

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

Say it, Tony. Have the balls to say it on the Internet.

[C]

I was gonna say. Is that why you're lowering your dosage? It was actually. It was an actual question.

[B]

Oh, thank you for being honest, Tony. I'm lowering.

[C]

By the way, does your psychiatrist know that you lowered your dosage?

[B]

Don't say anything. I want this podcast taken off the air immediately. If she finds out, I can get in big trouble, Hollywood will suspend me from sag.

[C]

Bianca, thank you so much. Put your hands together for Bianca.

[A]

Bianca.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

All right, do you want another minute? Matt Segan, depression. Thanks.

[B]

I patriot. Thanks, guys. Big fans. Love this first week of the podcast. This week's awesome, too. I'm Matt Segan, and I'm depressed. I'm depressed, and I'm trying to put myself on the right medication and the right dosage, but I'm confused, and I'll tell you why. The names of these things. Who's coming up with the names of these antidepressants? Are these just Harry Potter spells? No. Listen to this. Abilify. Sounds like Harry Potter spells to me. And while we're on that, I don't trust it, because Harry Potter I don't trust. Why? Because they're wizards, right? And so they use magic instead of medicine. You break your arm, there's a spell for that. Bad, crooked teeth. It's England. Okay? But there's a spell for that. Harry Potter breaks his glasses. They have a spell to fix his glasses. Here's an idea. Fix his eyes, and they're at a school for centuries, and no one's come up with a spell for 2020 vision. Cause I can guess it. Lasik. I'm Matt Segan.

[A]

This my time.

[C]

Very, very funny. Very funny. On the glasses thing, I'd move it up quicker and. Or perhaps write different stuff, but I would definitely move that up quicker. I. Right at the front of the Harry Potter thing, because then I think people will want to hear more about what you have to say about Harry Potter. Instead of having the best part at the end, I would move that all the way up to the forward. And then you're gonna force yourself to have funnier tags and everything is. Then people are gonna know that you're funny instead of. At the end of the Harry Potter bit, because your first take on Harry Potter being that will have everybody convinced we're down. I found it hard to listen to somebody because I'm not a Harry Potter guy. I found. So I found the front end hard. If you would have done that part first, I would have paid harder attention and sort of. Because that's the funniest part of the joke. Without a doubt.

[B]

But.

[C]

Brody, go ahead.

[B]

Thank you, Stephen. Brody Stevenson. Can you say Lasik at the end again? How you said that? Lasik. You said it more like Lasik. Sounds like me, but that's just me. I would say the opening bit if we're going to talk about material. I. I know you said you're huge. You're. I'm huge fans of you.

[C]

Are you going to say you should do a third one?

[B]

No, I would say.

[E]

I would.

[B]

I've heard a lot of bits on, you know, names of medications like Lexapro and Prozac, and I've heard. I've heard jokes on that. I can't say exactly how you did it, but again, I don't want to get beat up for saying I heard something before, but it's kind of a generic thing. No pun intended. Medication. I think the Harry Potter stuff was really good. I didn't like the British thing with the teeth, but the, The. The. The 2020 vision thing was good. The Lasik thing was funny. I like you ended strong. I felt like you were confident up there. You really.

[C]

It was really. It was. There's definitely some magical stuff going on in there.

[B]

No pun intended. Harry Potter.

[C]

There you go. You're really good at that no pun intended thing. It's Matt Segan, everybody. We have time for one more. And it's pretty exciting because it's gonna be our only. Our first ever reoccurring guest on Hinchcliffe's Notes or whatever this is called. What's her last name again?

[A]

Sarah Dresses.

[C]

Oh, that's her name.

[A]

I know her Twitter name.

[C]

Sarah Dresses, everybody. That's how I know her as well.

[M]

It's most a joby. Like the last name's most.

[C]

A joby most.

[A]

That's right.

[M]

Yeah.

[A]

You gotta change that asap, Rocky.

[M]

Working on it. So I'm just getting out of a three year relationship. Basically made the decision to move that benign tumor out of my ass, so it's coming out. You know, every time I start a new relationship, it's like grabbing a cold Capri sun out of the fridge. And it's like, you see this tiny little hole of fucking opportunity, you just try and shove your fucking happiness into it. And then when you are successful, you have about three minutes of deliciousness and then it's over and you're left with a piece of trash. So not very happy. I cut myself today, but it was on accident, so you could say I'm making progress. All right. That's all.

[C]

You're hilarious.

[A]

Good job.

[C]

Yes, yes. That's. The cutting thing on accident's funny.

[B]

Great joke, great joke. And we can talk about cutting.

[C]

That's acceptable, right?

[B]

Well, you know what? The jacket looks good. I like it. You got a Tegan and Tegan and Sarah vibe. I like your hair. The jacket looks good, but it's a good style. But could we. Would you give us the option of seeing without the jacket? I like the jacket, but the guys from Iceland.

[C]

Wait a second, is.

[M]

I haven't. I haven't. I'm Persian. Haven't shaved in six hours, so I don't know if that's.

[I]

Are you.

[B]

Why are you wearing that? Are you. Are you self conscious about something?

[M]

Yeah, my body hair. I just went over this.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Let me see your arm. Is your arm hairy? Really?

[M]

No. I mean, no, bro. Like six hours. Not true. It's not good. Trust me. All right, here.

[A]

Brody knows.

[M]

One shoulder.

[C]

Zet, Bo.

[B]

You look good, guys. Yeah, don't. Don't clam up on me now. Keep going. What's good?

[M]

Okay. It's okay. You know, you can be, like, sexy, but you don't have to, like, give away the whole fucking pie.

[B]

No, I'm not saying. I didn't say that, but you're also. I like the jacket. I didn't say I didn't like the jacket. I just wanted to see what it was like without it.

[M]

Yeah, that's. You can pay a girl $20 right down the street and get the same experience.

[C]

Now, when you.

[B]

What if I. If a Tony.

[C]

When you say who I complain to Sarah, when you say you cut your hair accidentally. Are you talking about your haircut?

[M]

No.

[B]

Cut yourself.

[C]

Nothing on that. People right now.

[B]

You said it wrong. You said when you cut your hair. You said when you cut yourself.

[M]

Yeah.

[C]

You ruined it. Somebody needs to tag me.

[B]

We need to bag you.

[M]

My hair is cut. My hair is cut like lightning from Final Fantasy.

[C]

It really is cool.

[B]

You look like a cartoon character.

[M]

That's what I'm going for.

[B]

Are you anime?

[K]

Yep.

[C]

This is it.

[B]

Oh, I want to take you to the airport in Tokyo.

[C]

Sarah dresses, thank you so much for coming.

[A]

Sarah dresses on Twitter.

[C]

Glad you're back. Our first returning guest. Speaking of returning guests, I'll tell you who's definitely going to be back next week. And it rhymes with the Iron Batriot.

[B]

Thanks.

[C]

Iron the Iron Patriot. Thanks for having me out, guys. I haven't had a lot of stuff.

[B]

Where can people find you again?

[C]

Hollywood and Highland.

[A]

Comic Patriot on Twitter.

[C]

Yeah, I love it, man. Please come back next week.

[B]

Thank you, Tony. Thank you.

[C]

Put your hands together for Stephen Brody Stevens, everybody.

[B]

Thank you, Tony. Thank you, Red Band. Thank you, Death Squad community for life. Don't ever disrespect me. I'll tackle you into a chokehold.

[C]

Thank you, Red band. And everybody, if you want to stick around, the Ding Dong show is next.

[B]

Live Ding Dong show with Don Barris is here. The big three. Love it. Detroit Lions.

[C]

Twitter.

[B]

Saginaw. Good guy. Thanks, guys. Every Monday, 8pm Come check out episode three next week.

[C]

I.