KILL TONY #771 - BRAD WILLIAMS + TIMMY NO BRAKES

Summary

KILL TONY #771 – BRAD WILLIAMS + TIMMY NO BRAKES

Date: June 9, 2026
Location: Comedy Mothership, Austin, TX
Guests: Brad Williams, Timmy No Breaks
Host/Panel: Tony Hinchcliffe, Brian Redban
House Band: Matt Muelling, John Dees, D Madness, and more (“Nachos Belgrande”)
Special Appearances: Several up-and-coming and regular comedians

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Episode Overview

This installment of Kill Tony brought together a raucous crowd and a unique duo of guests: comedian Brad Williams and, for his first time on the panel, iconic recurring act Timmy No Breaks. True to its format, the show delivered a blend of on-the-spot one-minute standup sets from comedians drawn at random, instant roasts, wild interviews, and unpredictable chaos. The episode featured standout interactions with freshly-minted regulars, international acts, and a robust dose of crowd work and panel banter.

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Key Discussion Points & Notable Moments

1. Guest Introductions & Timmy’s First Panel Spot

[06:00]

• Brad Williams returns as a guest, plugging his new YouTube special.
• Timmy No Breaks makes his panel debut, greeted as "one of the biggest comedians in the history of the show."
  • Timmy's larger-than-life personality and irreverent humor set a combative yet hilarious tone.
• Playful jibes at Brad’s size and Timmy’s diva “demands” about microphones and snacks.

Notable Quotes:

• Timmy No Breaks: "If you talk to me like that, I'm gonna hit you with this golden penis. I'm gonna strike you, bitch." [07:14]
• Tony Hinchcliffe (on Timmy): "He's the true alpha dog." [07:23]

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2. Pat O’Neill’s First Set as a Regular

[09:27]

• Pat, elevated from Golden Ticket winner, delivers a tight, edgy set referencing American/Mexican names, homelessness, and NAACP.
• The panel praises Pat’s joke-writing and delivery, lampoon his ‘weird’ energy, and roast his “Make-A-Wish” aesthetic.
• Pat discusses newfound sobriety and life changes.

Notable Quotes:

• Tony Hinchcliffe: "The America joke, the Fentanyl joke, the Redskins joke, and the Nappy joke. All the way through, batting a thousand." [10:58]
• Pat O’Neill: "Cocaine closes your nose, and I like to breathe when I sleep." [12:34]
• Brad Williams: "You look like you have five of me buried in your basement." [13:11]

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3. Noteworthy “Bucket Pull” Comedians

A parade of fresh and regular faces delivered one-minute sets, with varying results and many unscripted moments.

Darien Terry (“gay court”/jiu-jitsu champion) [14:37]

• Debut set built around a satirical “gay test” scenario.
• Revealed as a legitimate world champion in jiu-jitsu who, ironically, cannot swim.
  • Tony Hinchcliffe: "Are you baiting people into calling you gay and being like, 'What the did you say? Get over here?'" [19:34]

DJ Chaotic (hat-fishing, baldness) [24:55]

• Entertaining self-awareness about his appearance.
• Surprised crowd with reggae rap skills and his Cayman Islands background.
  • DJ Chaotic: "I have resting ICE face." [25:18]
  • Reggae Freestyle [29:55]

Chris Caruso (“Alex Jones” lookalike, dating woes) [31:31]

• Discussed failed relationships, Dayton’s crime, and awkwardness with “eating ass.”
  • Tony Hinchcliffe: "This is a very eating crowd you're in front of." [35:51]
  • Chris Caruso: "I'm gonna pass on that. Respectfully." [35:04]

Eric Spicely (ex-UFC fighter/black belt) [39:29]

• Detailed rough life as MMA fighter and coach, previous WWE tryout, and dating experiences moving from Montreal.
  • Eric Spicely: "You gotta fight black dudes and...Russian Muslims..." [42:44]
  • Tony Hinchcliffe: "So eight fights, what if you had to guess what your record is?" [43:01]

Louis Cervantes (hearing loss from skydiving) [46:46]

• Revealed severe partial deafness due to a skydiving accident, with a relatable set about dating awkwardness.
  • Louis Cervantes: "I couldn't get a kiss or a hand hold or nothing. No hug? Yeah." [52:32]
  • Tony Hinchcliffe: "You have 80% hearing in your right ear and 60 in your left from a skydiving accident?" [51:23]

Michael K (Bitcoin/Silk Road/Mt. Gox saga) [53:34]

• Jaw-dropping tales of early Bitcoin, Silk Road, legal trouble, living in Japan, and comedy promotion.
  • Michael K: "Have you ever partied so hard that you snorted a Lamborghini? Because I snorted four Lamborghini dealerships." [54:28]
  • Tony Hinchcliffe: "So it's made you rich. And then it caused a lot of trouble." [56:16]

Daisuke (veteran Japanese comic) [61:29]

• Knocked out a high-energy “kamikaze” bit; discussed the sacrifices of performing across the globe, the differences between US and Japan, and comedic influences like George Carlin.
  • Daisuke: "I'm a kamikaze who goes back to Japan four times a year." [61:57]
  • Daisuke: "Five years ago, I watched on YouTube George Carlin. And then I decided to come to America." [70:49]

Remington Blake Windsor (army, ankle monitor, DUI tales) [73:32]

• Strong joke writing; revealed two DWIs in 14 days, wearing an ankle monitor, and carrying brass knuckles.
  • Remington: "I just, like, from morning to. Whenever I go to sleep. Just White Claw." [80:35]
  • Tony Hinchcliffe: "How far? ...Was this also very close to home?" [80:47]

Angel Diaz (Golden Ticket winner returns) [83:57]

• Set focused on anime fans and sexual bravado; extremely raw, sexual interview that had the room in stitches and groans.
  • Angel Diaz: "I've been hitting it raw and coming inside all of them." [85:31]

Ty Funny (Hot Pocket thief, aquatic director, trans dating mixup) [93:48]

• Hilarious stories about Hot Pocket theft, improbably working as an aquatic director, and a comedic take on unknowingly flirting with a trans woman.
  • Ty: "I trained with Michael Phelps. I'm from Baltimore." [95:32]
  • Ty: "I was talking to this badass trans ... for, like, three days ... Now I got a nude floating around the LGBT community." [99:13]

David Jolly (headliner/fan-favorite) [120:42]

• Headlined with dementia bits, stories about living with his mother, and classic crowd-pleasers.
  • David Jolly: "Give me a mop and a sock for this wet ass pussy! Grandma, get that BBL out the mashed potatoes!" [121:34]
  • Tony Hinchcliffe: "What's the blackest thing about you?" / David Jolly: "This big old dick. You know the going on. Yeah, yeah." [124:50]

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Panel & Band Highlights

• Brad Williams and Timmy No Breaks kept the energy high with rapid-fire roasts and callbacks.
• Timmy’s running gag: requesting garlic bread and sparkling water, declaring dominance, calling out panel for “being gay,” pestering comics for their “blackest thing.”
• Band (Nachos Belgrande) played with the chaos, and even an animatronic robot was introduced ("Neo").
• Notable advice and real feedback were given to several comedians, with the tone swinging between constructive and eviscerating.

Notable Quotes:

• Tony Hinchcliffe: "I like the fact that you took time to prepare and get ready for the show. Some people make the absolutely ridiculously mentally ill mistake of starting on this show for attention." [75:34]
• Timmy No Breaks: "When death comes, will you be ready to go or will you cling to the life because you're terrified you never truly lived?" [114:45]

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Significant Timestamps

• 00:47 — Show opens; panel intros; crowd hyped; sponsors and banter
• 06:00 — Timmy No Breaks introduced as guest; chaos begins
• 09:27 — Pat O’Neill’s first regular set
• 14:37 — Darien Terry (jiu-jitsu/gay court)
• 24:55 — DJ Chaotic (hat-fishing, reggae freestyle)
• 31:31 — Chris Caruso (Alex Jones/dating)
• 39:29 — Eric Spicely (UFC, wrestling, jiu-jitsu)
• 46:46 — Louis Cervantes (hearing loss, AV tech)
• 53:34 — Michael K (Silk Road/Bitcoin)
• 61:29 — Daisuke (international comic/kamikaze routine)
• 73:32 — Remington Blake Windsor (army, ankle monitor, DUI)
• 83:57 — Angel Diaz (Golden Ticket set/interview)
• 93:48 — Ty Funny (Hot Pocket, aquatic director, dating)
• 120:42 — David Jolly (headline set, family stories)

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Memorable Interactions & Running Bits

• Panel Playfulness: Roasting and riffing between Brad, Timmy, and Tony with recurring references to sexuality, cultural stereotypes, and the unpredictability of open mic talent.
• “Blackest thing about you?” — Timmy’s recurring question, often answered with a twist.
• **DJ Chaotic regaling a reggae rap on request, then being critiqued by the panel.
• Audience snacks: Timmy’s garlic bread and sparkling water joke is made literal by staff.
• Translation comedy: Michael K. briefly pressed into service as Daisuke’s translator for cross-cultural riffs.
• Comedy career advice: Tony and panel urge newcomers to work on sets before debuting, reflect on the growth of regulars, and openly celebrate joke craft.

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Episode Tone

• Unfiltered, edgy, and inclusive of the crude, wild riffing Kill Tony is known for.
• Panel banter is merciless but often insightful — a true showcase of bold, quick-witted comedy in a room where anything goes and everyone is fair game.
• A showcase both for new comics rolling the dice and seasoned acts like Timmy, Brad, and Jolly dropping wisdom and punchlines in equal measure.

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Final Thoughts

KILL TONY #771 delivered a classic, unpredictable night of stand-up, roast, and relentless back-and-forth, cementing the show’s reputation as a proving ground for raw talent and a celebration of everything unpredictable in live comedy.

For fans of comedy, performance, and improv, this episode was a masterclass in rapid-fire wit, audience interaction, and the realities of making it (or bombing) in the world’s number-one live podcast.

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Want More?

• Brad Williams’s Special: YouTube.com/BradWilliamsComedy
• Timmy No Breaks: YouTube.com/Timmynobreaks
• Daisuke on tour: @muramotoDaisuke [IG]
• Regular updates/tickets: tonyhinchcliffe.com

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Next time: Expect even more chaos, with emerging comics, returning legends, and the panel ready to slice, dice, and uplift – sometimes all in the same minute.

Transcript

[Redband]

Hey, this is Redband and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out tonyhinchcliffe.com for everything. The Golden Pony, Tony Henchcliffe. You can also check out shopsquad TV for Death Squad merch hats, mugs, whatever. Shop Squad tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

[Brian Red Band]

Hey, this is Redneck coming to you

[Redband]

live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas for a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

[Brian Red Band]

Get it up for Tony Hitchcock. Who's ready for the best night of their lives, huh? Yippee. Brian Red Band, ladies and gentlemen. And Matt is the best damn band in all the land. How about you make some noise for them, hu?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We feels good in here. Tonight you are at the number one live podcast in the world, Kill Tony, brought to you this week by Netflix. Everyone. The roast of Kevin Hart is out now on Netflix, believe it or not. Isn't that incredible? There you go, right on cue. And Kill Tony Mania, shot live in Las Vegas on, came out on April 20, is also out. So go over to Netflix, check out all your favorite things. Shout out to Asphalt 3, who makes a bunch of quirky, awesome 3D things. You know, there's a special thing, little behind the scenes here that you guys don't know. When I take the names, I put them on a special thing with little magnets and I know who was first and sixth and seventh all the way through to nine. And then I usually pick 10 or 11 just for shits and giggles. There's little mic stands, there's the little clip on the mic. It's all made by Asphalt 3D. So I have a hand for them, huh?

[Brian Red Band]

And Netflix. You love Netflix. You all have money. You're here. Madison Square Garden, August 7th and August 8th.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A lot of other fun things happening. [e-mail] before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it tonight's episode possible for you. Right now, starting something new is terrifying. I remember thinking, what if this fails? What if I put all this work in for nothing? Who's gonna want to watch an Open mic on YouTube hosted by a roast God and a sound effects guy. But taking that leap ended up being one of the best decisions I ever made. It also helps when you have a partner like Shopify on your side to help. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses.

[Brian Red Band]

Around the world and 10% of all

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

e commerce in the US from household names like mine to brands just getting started Redband.

[Redband]

They make it all too easy. With hundreds of ready to use templates, Shopify helps you build an online store that matches your brand style. Need to accelerate efficiency. Shopify's AI tool can help you write product descriptions, page headlines and enhance product images.

[Brian Red Band]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good job. Red band and did I mention that iconic purple shop pay button. It's why Shopify has the best converting checkout on the planet. From marketing to managing inventory to international shipping to processing returns and beyond, Shopify is your commerce expert with world class expertise. It's time to turn those what ifs

[Brian Red Band]

into

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com kil Tony go to shopify.com kil that's shopify.com kill Tony.

[Brian Red Band]

You guys ready to start tonight's show or what? Ladies and gentlemen, every single week I book two of the funniest guests in the world.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This week, no different.

[Brian Red Band]

Well, one guest this week, ladies and gentlemen. Make some noise for him. He is a brand new special out on YouTube. You know him, you love him. Make some noise for the great Brad Williams. Everybod me. Yeah. Brad, welcome my friend. Come on in, have a seat there. Brad's back. His new special live on short street

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

is on YouTube.com Brad Williams comedy welcome Brad.

[Adam Ray]

Yeah, that's right. I'm actually not Brad. I'm just a new character from Adam Ray. Very advanced costume. Very advanced.

[Brian Red Band]

Amazing.

[Adam Ray]

How does his makeup is incredible.

[Brian Red Band]

How did he squeeze into that thing?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I thank you for putting the booster

[Adam Ray]

seat on the chair, Tony. I really appreciate that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's amazing.

[Brian Red Band]

We're going to have so much fun tonight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's been a while since you've been on the show.

[Brian Red Band]

Normally I book a second guess but I mean. Oh, oh, we know what this means.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Normally a big second guest pops up on stage when the lights come back on. Let's see what happens here. All right. Well, wait, who's that?

[Brian Red Band]

Wait, who the is? It's Timmy. No break. Oh my God. He's over there. What the hell's he doing over there? Oh, a man of the people. A man of the people. Timmy. No breaks. Making his way from the audience. Oh my God. The iconic Timmy. No break. One of the biggest one of the biggest comedians in the history of the show is joining us for his first time ever on panel.

[Timmy No Breaks]

How the are we doing? Hey, nice to meet you, you young boy. Let's go I'm Timmy. What's your name?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Brad.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Brad. Hell yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

Timmy. Welcome.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Is this your son?

[Adam Ray]

We do both look like reject Jeff Dunham puppets.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Shut the up. You need a nap? Oh, my God. Get this guy a juice box.

[Darien Terry]

I mean, come on.

[Adam Ray]

That actually sounds delicious right now.

[Brian Red Band]

Heidi, if you get Brad a juice

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

box, that'd be great, Timmy.

[Brian Red Band]

No breaks. Ladies and gentlemen, one of the biggest stars in the history of the show. Biggest and blackest. On YouTube. The new special, YouTube.com Timmynobreaks how exciting is this?

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah, it was just a matter of time. Can we turn my microphone up and everybody's else down, please? Is that possible? Also why is mine read and uses gold?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you. You want to switch?

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Change my mind.

[Brian Red Band]

Whatever you want, Timmy, you get. Oh, wow. You literally don't know how to do this.

[Timmy No Breaks]

If you talk to me like that, I'm gonna hit you with this golden penis. I'm gonna strike you, bitch.

[Brian Red Band]

Whatever Timmy wants is, you know his.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Historically, I let him do. And this show's history. He's the true alpha dog.

[Brian Red Band]

How about one more time for the best damn band in all the land? Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa. Or as I call them, Tres Leches. With Michael Gonzalez, they make up Nachos Belgrande. This is the great Matt Muhling on the electric guitar, John Dees on the keys. And this is D Madness live in the flesh, ladies and gentlemen. Are you guys fans of the show at all? That's D Madness, everybody. I don't know what's going on out there tonight. I don't know what's happen. But there's also a robot here for some reason. I don't know why. I think. I think the band got paid a certain amount of money or something.

[Redband]

Neo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Neo, everybody. That's important that we say his name.

[Brian Red Band]

There's a robot here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay? Hi. Hello, Neo. You know how to wave.

[Will Hunsinger]

Hello, Neo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very good.

[Brian Red Band]

All right, Brad and Timmy, you guys

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

know how the show works. Over 200 plus, maybe three. Feels heavy tonight.

[Brian Red Band]

There is a lot of names in this bucket signed up for the opportunity to get 60 seconds on this stage. You know, their time is up and you know the sound of a kitten.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That means they have to wrap it up then, or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which rudely interrupts them and. And cuts them off. And then I conduct an interview. The entire thing is improvised. Absolutely. Anything can happen.

[Brian Red Band]

You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what? Wow. Amazing. Guys, we're going to get it so started with one of our new elite regulars.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Now he is a brand spanking new regular. Made a regular just last week. He was the first ever person upgraded from a golden ticket winner to a regular. You've seen him before, you know him, you love him. Now writing a brand new minute every single week. This is the first time he's ever been on the show. Waking up that day knowing he was going to be on the show.

[Brian Red Band]

His first appearance as a regular. Make some noise for the great Pat o', Neill, everybody.

[Pat O'Neill]

Folks, you ever notice how girls named America are always fucking Mexican?

[Brian Red Band]

Think that's enough to fool us?

[Pat O'Neill]

Nice try. We've got problems in this country, folks. How do we stop homelessness? We tried fentanyl.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Now what?

[Pat O'Neill]

There only so many cigarettes I can lace. You aren't even supposed to call them homeless anymore, right? They prefer the term toilet protesters or something. It's hard to keep track of. People want to change the name of everything now. A few years ago, we got rid of the Redskins again. Second time's a charm. Something I think we need to change the name of. Is the naacp. The national association for the Advancement of Colored People.

[Brian Red Band]

Whoa.

[Pat O'Neill]

What year is it? Should be the national association for the Advancement of African American People. The NAAAP or more easily said, the NA P.

[Brian Red Band]

That's better. Ok. Oh, my God. The man, the myth, Pat o' Neal has arrived. Unbelievable.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

My friend. You are so damn funny. Thank you, buddy. Thank you. You just are so funny. The America joke, the Fentanyl joke, the Redskins joke, and the Nappy joke. All the way through, batting a thousand. I want to talk to one of my. I mean, absolute biggest superstars to see his thoughts on not only Pat o' Neill's set, but the regular ship that he has risen to.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah. You look like Rick Ann Morty. That was good stuff, Pat. Good stuff. Hang in there, you know, keep signing up, Pat.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, oh, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I forgot there's a show going on.

[Brian Red Band]

Amazing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Brad, you ever seen anybody quite like Pat o'?

[Remington Blake Windsor]

Neill?

[Adam Ray]

I'm really happy you're here because now I'm not the weirdest on this show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Pat, how's life going? This is your first week as a regular. How's your life changed so far?

[Will Hunsinger]

I don't know.

[Pat O'Neill]

Went out, hit the town, celebrated with a few Shirley Temples.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, just hell, yeah.

[Pat O'Neill]

Living life.

[Darien Terry]

I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. It is true. Pat is sober. Meanwhile, he looks like he's on a bit of

[Pat O'Neill]

absolutely residual effects.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What have you done? Why are you sober? Can we talk about it, or is it going to trigger you or something? Or was it just. Did you do, like, all the Adderall all at once? How do you end up looking like that exactly?

[Pat O'Neill]

Well, Adderall I don't consider a drug, but, yeah, I stopped drinking.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice.

[Pat O'Neill]

Things weren't going well. Drinking for Pat.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, stop that.

[Pat O'Neill]

And cocaine closes your nose. And I like to breathe when I sleep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very good.

[Pat O'Neill]

So I just say I've been looking up to this man for some time now. Nearly two months.

[Timmy No Breaks]

You're not talking about him, right?

[Adam Ray]

That's never happened in my goddamn life.

[Timmy No Breaks]

I was like, what. What the you talking about? Yeah, this guy's 11 years old. What are you talking.

[Adam Ray]

This is my. Make a wish.

[Timmy No Breaks]

You're gonna die, my friend.

[Brian Red Band]

Pat o'. Neill.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're absolutely fantastic, Pat.

[Adam Ray]

You look like you have about five of me buried in your basement.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, I do.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Brad. Take that again. Take that roast again. Take it again. It just was. It didn't hit. So I think if you take it again, you say that's a punchline. Afterwards, it might hit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let me just say the only reason I don't think it hit is because I don't think it's believable that Pat o' Neill has a basement. That's what I. That's the only part I think was missing. If he would have said in his, like, vent ducks or something like that.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Well, see, yours didn't hit either. So I think you should take it from the top, and I think you should maybe act out a basement. Be like, I'm in a. I'm in a basement. I'm. I'm giving advice here.

[Brian Red Band]

I think.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think you should take that from the top. Do the act out again.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Well, you take it in the bottom,

[Brian Red Band]

you son of a bitch.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

O', Neal, you got the show jump started. Thank you.

[Brian Red Band]

You so much. The newest regular on Kill, Tony Pat o'. Neal. An undeniable force of nature.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're going to keep it moving. This is a. This is an interesting name.

[Brian Red Band]

Make some noise for your first bowl of the night. You guys know how this works. We meet them all together, anything can happen. Could be the next superstar. Could be a one and out crazy person. Anything can happen. Make some noise for your first bucket bowl tonight. It's Darien Terry, everybody. Darien Terry.

[Darien Terry]

Let me get this right. Let me get this right. Imagine if you lived in a world that make you take a test to prove that you were not gay,

[Brian Red Band]

and

[Darien Terry]

all they had to do was accuse you of it in public, and you had to take the test. Salem witch, trial style. Kind of like, hey, bro, I think you're gay. There's no way that I'm gay. Have a wife and kids. No, I think you're gay and on the down low. All of a sudden, the crowd surrounds the accused. Test, test, test. All of a sudden you find yourself in gay court in front of an all gay court judge.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You, sir, have been accused of being gay.

[Darien Terry]

Under the down low. How do you plead?

[Daisuke]

Not guilty.

[Brian Red Band]

I'm a straight man.

[Darien Terry]

You, sir, I've been found guilty of being gay and on the down low and have hereby been sentenced to two years in an all gay facility. Didi style. Get the oils. No, take that, take that, take that. No, now YouTube. But you know what, really be crazy though if you were gay and you couldn't come out on your own accord. Oh, no. Somebody wants to strip that away from you. They wanted to do you dirty in front of your friends and family.

[Will Hunsinger]

All right.

[Brian Red Band]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Darian, Terry, welcome to the show. Is this your first time on the show?

[Darien Terry]

Yeah, yeah, it's my first time.

[Brian Red Band]

Okay. Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not exactly sure where to begin here.

[Timmy No Breaks]

I do.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Timmy, you're gay. This guy is talking about gay people the whole time. I'm like, have you looked in a mirror?

[Brian Red Band]

I love that.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah. All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It is absolutely incredible. I don't exactly know how to upload this information that I'm gathering here. I mean, where are you from? Let's start there.

[Darien Terry]

I'm from Kansas, but I live here now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Will Hunsinger]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why do you look like you went to Miami to get dipped in chocolate?

[Darien Terry]

Oh, good. I like that one, actually.

[Will Hunsinger]

Yeah.

[Darien Terry]

You know what? I love the Miami look. I think. I think it's sexy. I think it's sexy to wear button ups. And I think this look represents me well.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Timmy, no.

[Darien Terry]

Home open.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah. Give it up. Okay. Don't step on my punch. Okay. Take it right. Ready, Mr. T cells.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Isn't T cells like the gay thing? Yeah, that was great. What's your problem?

[Adam Ray]

I just want to know where you shop because I'm pretty sure your would fit me.

[Darien Terry]

I Love that. Hey, T.J. maxx, son. Oh, yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

Or no, no.

[Adam Ray]

I know Baby Gap shirt when I see it.

[Darien Terry]

The Baby Gap.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Gary and Terry, how long you been on stand up?

[Darien Terry]

This is my first time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. You decided to start on Kill Tony it. Why haven't you done an open mic or anything like that to even prepare? Do you think you might just be doing this for vast amounts of attention?

[Darien Terry]

Well, I always wanted to Actually, go on the show. It was really fun. It looks really fun. So I was just like, oh, and why not start at the top?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'll tell you why.

[Brian Red Band]

What if it goes terribly wrong and then.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then you got nothing? What do you do for work? What? Exactly.

[Brian Red Band]

What?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What. Who do you manage on? Only fans for a living?

[Darien Terry]

Oh, no, no, actually, I work. I work in the corporate world, so. Yeah, I work for an insurance company.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Daisuke]

You.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Okay. Tell us more about your life, Darian.

[Darien Terry]

Well, I do a lot of. I work out a lot. I do a lot of Jiu Jitsu. I have a lot of fun. Basically, either either I am working out, doing Jiu Jitsu, poppers training and. Or really just hanging out, chilling.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Instead of one of those things, you could start writing jokes.

[Darien Terry]

I could do that too. I could do that too. Yes, yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you ever do any big Jiu Jitsu tournaments or showcase that skill that you actually practice and work on?

[Darien Terry]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do multiple of those. Yeah, I'm a world. I'm a multiple time world champion in Jiu Jitsu.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Okay, there you go. That's interesting.

[Adam Ray]

Tell me that before I. With you.

[Brian Red Band]

Jesus.

[Adam Ray]

I'm sitting closest to him.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Throw Brad into the audience. Let me see it.

[Brian Red Band]

That's not exactly how Jiu Jitsu works, Timmy.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah, you would know, gay guy.

[Brian Red Band]

I mean, that doesn't. Again, it doesn't make you gay knowing Jiu Jitsu.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah, it does. Look at your tear right here. What are you talking about? Roll around on a man, you're going to take it in the ass.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love this guy, Timmy.

[Darien Terry]

Funny.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What would you do to Timmy if. If you made you mad? What would your first move?

[Timmy No Breaks]

Next question.

[Darien Terry]

Get in, get in.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Choke.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, perfect. Darian, have you ever had to use your world championship knowledge of Jiu Jitsu out there on the streets? Has anybody with you? Is this. Is this what you're doing with the hair and the shirt and everything? Are you baiting people into calling you gay and being like, what the did you say? Get over here?

[Darien Terry]

No, I've never actually had to fight somebody in the mean streets of Austin. So that's a good thing. That's a good thing. I don't think. I don't think they would want to do that. But at the same time, though, people do stupid.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, right, in these world championships, you've won them on an elite level? Or is this like some kind of tournament you threw together in the backyard?

[Darien Terry]

No, no, no. Yeah. IBJJF Worlds. Yeah. So I'M IBJF world champion in purple built, brown built. And I just got my black belt

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

in December, my jiu jitsu.

[Brian Red Band]

People are telling me that that is legit.

[Darien Terry]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. What else would we find interesting about you, Darian? Do you know how to swim?

[Darien Terry]

Oh, fuck no, you don't.

[Brian Red Band]

So the enemy that could beat you is that in which. Which is the most present element on the planet.

[Darien Terry]

Well, that's the funny part about that, man. I. I really do live up to that black stereotype. I cannot swim to save my life.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Johnny, no. Tsunami.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[Brian Red Band]

Have you ever almost gotten.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Gotten in trouble? Do you, like, go into the water up to your waist or something like that?

[Darien Terry]

Well, I'm trying. Okay. So crazy. Like, in college, we used to do this thing. I wrestled in college, but they would go. We go to the ymca, and my coach is like, all right, guys, we're gonna go and do swimming workouts. We're gonna do something real. I'm like, why? We already wrestle like grown men. That's real. But we go there and then, like, we jump in the pool. And he was, like, trying to have us do laps. I could not do one lap. He's like, having us do laps at a deep end. I break out. I go over to the lady and I was like, hey, let me get the floaties. I came back with floaties on.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah.

[Darien Terry]

And he's just like, you need to take those off. It's like, no, I'm not. So I just keep. I just do the workout with floaties. But it was cool, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let me ask you this. Other than not being able to swim, what else do you think is the blackest thing about you?

[Darien Terry]

Damn, my dick. No, let me see.

[David Jolly]

I think.

[Darien Terry]

I think I know. I'm really into hip hop. We'll say that.

[Adam Ray]

You could tell exactly how you said the words hip hop from the streets.

[Darien Terry]

No, I just grew up with it in my life.

[Brian Red Band]

So.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

In Kansas.

[Darien Terry]

Up and up on the. Up the main streets of Kansas.

[Louis Cervantes]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right?

[Darien Terry]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, absolutely.

[Darien Terry]

It goes down to Kansas City area, if you didn't know. So.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah. It's nine.

[Darien Terry]

Huh?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tech nine, Right? Am I right?

[Brian Red Band]

All right.

[Darien Terry]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, perfect. Here's a little joke book.

[Brian Red Band]

Little joke book for a big man. Little joke book for a big man. Sometimes I accidentally sound like the president. Oh, my God. I'll tell you what's not gay. That right there.

[Timmy No Breaks]

I do not want that shit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You want to do it?

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah. Give me something that isn't Tony's water, BL.

[Brian Red Band]

Okay, that's not true. That's not a thing. No one talks about that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's not a thing.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Never mind.

[Brian Red Band]

What do you want?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you want something to drink, Timmy?

[Timmy No Breaks]

Can I just get like a sparkling water and some garlic bread?

[Brian Red Band]

Sparkling water and garlic bread for Timmy, please.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go.

[Brian Red Band]

Sparkling water. What a little diva. Not gay at all. Sparkling water.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Is this how the entire episode you

[Brian Red Band]

hit yourself in the face of the microphone?

[Timmy No Breaks]

Are you actually calling me?

[Brian Red Band]

I'm calling you gay.

[Timmy No Breaks]

You're calling me?

[Brian Red Band]

I think you're Timmy, all cakes.

[Timmy No Breaks]

I think you fucking suck, Heidi.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you know that according to cnbc, nearly half of hiring managers say a candidate's enthusiasm is the most important factor when they're considering somebody for a role. When you think about it, it makes sense. Hiring can be seriously tough if you need to hire for your business. How can you separate the candidates who are really excited about your opportunity from the ones that are just meh.

[Brian Red Band]

ZipRecruiter.

[Redband]

ZipRecruiter's new feature quickly lets you see the most interested, qualified candidates first, so you can meet the right people faster. And now you can try it for yourself for [e-mail] Kill Tony. Plus, their smart matching technology connects you to qualified candidates instantly. The candidates can even tell you in your own words why they're interested in the job.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Basically, this all means no more wasted time digging through resumes and more time meeting the right people. With ZipRecruiter's new feature, the top candidates are right at the top of the list. It's no wonder ZipRecruiter is the number one hiring site based on G2. Use ZipRecruiter and find enthusiastic talents fast. 4 out of 5 employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. And now you can try it for [e-mail] Kill Tony. That's ZipRecruiter.com Kill Tony. Meet your match on ZipRecruiter.

[Brian Red Band]

Your next bucket bowl, ladies and gentlemen, goes by the name. This should be interesting. Of DJ Chaotic, everybody. Let's see what happens here. DJ Chaotic.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[DJ Chaotic]

I' ma start this off with a confession. I am bald. It's true. I've been hat fishing women professionally now for a very long time. And the key to doing it right is to make sure the hat does not come off until the clothes come off. Because by that time, she's committed. It's too late.

[Daisuke]

Gotcha, bitch. Gotcho ass.

[DJ Chaotic]

Didn't know I was Ugly.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Did ya?

[DJ Chaotic]

Recently I've been told that with my hat on I look like an ICE target and with my hat off, I look like an ICE employee. I can't help that. I have resting ice face. And that's my time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I thought that was a minute.

[DJ Chaotic]

I thought I planned that out.

[Michael K]

Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

15 seconds left.

[DJ Chaotic]

15 seconds.

[Daisuke]

All right.

[Darien Terry]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so you're out of material.

[DJ Chaotic]

That's everything else is story type.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, There you go. Perfect.

[Brian Red Band]

But some people say that's my time

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

when it's their time. I was wondering if you had anything else but you just. That was all the time that you had.

[DJ Chaotic]

I've rehearsed this so many times and I swear to God it was a full minute. But have you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you done stand up before?

[Daisuke]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yeah. How, how often? How long?

[DJ Chaotic]

Three years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yeah, perfect. Seems like.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Hey, Carlos, how does it feel to meet your son?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

DJ Chaotic. Where have you been doing it for three years?

[DJ Chaotic]

Here in Austin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. What do you do for a living?

[DJ Chaotic]

DJ.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a DJ? Yeah. Are you better at DJing or stand up?

[DJ Chaotic]

DJing?

[Michael K]

For sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long have you been a DJ?

[DJ Chaotic]

13 years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, that makes sense. What makes you want to do stand up?

[DJ Chaotic]

Honestly, I help manage a place called the Green Room in North Austin. And starting that up, we started doing comedy shows. So I got into it like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you sometimes funny when you're DJing? Like, are you doing things like, you know.

[DJ Chaotic]

Yeah, I mean, I do a lot of weddings and private events, so I slide in some humor whenever it's appropriate.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ. Slippery cigarette. Thank you very much, sir.

[Brian Red Band]

Almost like that. Kind of sometimes lit the house on fire there. Those slippery little cigarettes, Timmy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No breaks. You do private gigs? Sometimes. Weddings, bar mitzvahs.

[Timmy No Breaks]

All the time. Bar mitzvahs, weddings. I did a brisk and stuff. The kid lost his dick. But yeah, what, you know, what made you, you know, perfect.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, DJ Chaotic, what's the craziest thing that you play? Like edm, I'm guessing?

[DJ Chaotic]

No, I do open format, man. I've been in Texas for a long time, so country, Latin, hip hop, those are like the main genres, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you play for whatever audience is in front of you.

[Daisuke]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So if there was a bunch of black people in here right now, what would you play?

[DJ Chaotic]

Set It Off, Lil Boosie, off the jump. That's what I'm going with.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yeah, let's check in with John Dees here. What do you think about Set It Off, Lil bc? I don't know.

[Brian Red Band]

That.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know that song. No good?

[Timmy No Breaks]

No good?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that what you're saying? No, I don't know that song.

[Brian Red Band]

You don't know.

[DJ Chaotic]

Set it off.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Little Boosie.

[Timmy No Breaks]

A white guy talking to a black guy. Like.

[DJ Chaotic]

I mean, that's some. So handsome, though.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

All right.

[Adam Ray]

You thought that was up?

[Bobby Ludlum]

Yeah.

[Timmy No Breaks]

And I. I love black.

[Brian Red Band]

How about if this was a rave,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

an EDM crowd, what would you play? First song you play. Gotta get it.

[DJ Chaotic]

EDM's not really my. My genre. Yeah, not boo. It's this, it's not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, let's say it was a country bar. What song are you playing?

[DJ Chaotic]

Zach Top Never Lie. That's.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Oh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Michael Gonzalez confirms that. Okay. Yeah, yeah. All right. DJ Chaotic. Well, I mean, kind of really didn't leave that much of an imprint here tonight. I got it.

[DJ Chaotic]

All right, well, you. I'm from the Cayman Islands. I moved here 15 years ago to be a rapper. That never worked out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You tried rapping?

[DJ Chaotic]

Yeah, I. I did it for a little while. Do reggae rap like you guys want it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can.

[Adam Ray]

Can we hear a verse?

[Timmy No Breaks]

Do it.

[Brian Red Band]

You guys want to hear some bad rap?

[Remington Blake Windsor]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

Well, hold on, hold on. I mean, yeah, wait.

[DJ Chaotic]

Instead of rack, I do some reggae.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, better yet, I love.

[Brian Red Band]

I love all kinds of gay, especially reggae. So let's do it and beat to it. On that one, that was right there. That was Timmy's. That's Timmy's Alley right there. Yeah, I do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I do.

[Brian Red Band]

Wait, give him a little. You.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of reggae beat do you want, Michael?

[DJ Chaotic]

Yeah, I'll ride with it.

[Chris Caruso]

Just.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. He'll ride with it.

[Brian Red Band]

All the way from the Cayman Islands. DJ Chaotic, everybody.

[DJ Chaotic]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Pull up in my right.

[DJ Chaotic]

She quick to get inside. She duck down and she hide. Then we skirt off and we slide. She wet like I tied. Every time our lips collide. She warm me up inside. Cause good loving I provide.

[Brian Red Band]

She give her one bun.

[DJ Chaotic]

Cause we never have fun. She say without a toy she can't even come. But then she fuck this rude boy.

[Brian Red Band]

Give her pussy.

[DJ Chaotic]

Real joy Dealing with the real McCoy.

[Brian Red Band]

My soldier get deployed.

[DJ Chaotic]

Standing at attention, Relieving all her tension. No feelings get mentioned, cuz that's an apprehension.

[Brian Red Band]

All right, all right. Brad's fat ass is hypnotizing me.

[Timmy No Breaks]

My God, you guys are pedophiles. So

[Brian Red Band]

Brad's a grown man, he's not a kid.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think you're confused, Timmy.

[Adam Ray]

42.

[Darien Terry]

Yeah.

[Timmy No Breaks]

42. Yeah. Fucking right.

[Brian Red Band]

Is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He is. He's 42 inches high.

[Brian Red Band]

Okay, DJ Chaotic, here's a little joke book.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go, my friend.

[Brian Red Band]

We're gonna keep it moving along. Show's crazy so far. A couple people that really suck. And obviously anything can happen out of this bucket, but it set it up good. Now you know it's real. Now you know the show is real. When you get that feeling of, holy, I think I can do this. That's how you know you're a kil. Tony, make some noise for your next bucket pool. It's Chris Caruso, everybody. Here we go.

[Chris Caruso]

I know what you guys are thinking. I didn't know getting older meant I was going to look like Alex Jones ever happened to anybody. Not even like the cool, like making the frogs gay Alex Jones, like the sad divorced dad Alex Jones. And I've got the documents to prove it, folks. Okay, I've got them. I like conspiracies. I was watching Clinton testify in front of Congress the other day and he just had a shit eating grin on his. On his face the whole time. They were like, Mr. President, do you remember where you were when those pictures were taken? I know it's been a long time, but try to remember. And he's like, oh, no, I remember exactly where I was when those pictures were taken. And it's just him and like Epstein and matching polo shirts, you know. And there was a. You guys hear about the. There was supposed to be between Donald Trump and Bill Clinton. An affair. And yeah, Clinton will be in there. Like, I did not have sexual relations with Donald Trump, but I think Trump, if he did it, he would have been in there the next day in a press conference. Like, nobody sucked Bill Clinton's dick better than Donald Trump, folks. Nobody did it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nobody could do it.

[Brian Red Band]

All right, that's Chris Caruso, everybody.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Hey, Carlos, how does it feel to meet your dad?

[Brian Red Band]

Chris Caruso, welcome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is this your first time on the show?

[Chris Caruso]

Yes, it is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome. How long you been doing stand up?

[Chris Caruso]

About 2 and a half years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where at?

[Chris Caruso]

Dayton, Ohio.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, we know Dayton. That's a rough city. Still live there?

[Remington Blake Windsor]

Yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for a living in Dayton?

[Chris Caruso]

I sell security systems for a living.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you must be. Business is booming, huh?

[Chris Caruso]

Oh, yeah, they love it. Number one for metal theft in the country.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, like copper is that.

[Chris Caruso]

Oh, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. And they're stealing it out of, like, old houses or something?

[Chris Caruso]

Anywhere they can get it, Tony.

[Brian Red Band]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. And so tell us more about your life, Chris. Just the normal everyday thing. You have a family or anything or

[Chris Caruso]

you have a son. Nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old's your son?

[Chris Caruso]

11 years old.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You still with the baby mama?

[Chris Caruso]

Nope. Of course not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What happened. What happened there? How long was she around for?

[Chris Caruso]

A couple years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then you guys just went your separate ways?

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You stopped banging her.

[Chris Caruso]

That's it?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's it? You didn't want her around anymore? Is that how it ended or did she cheat on you or what?

[Chris Caruso]

No, it was just mutual, you know, we just grew apart as people.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Damn, that's sad. That's somehow.

[Brian Red Band]

That's the saddest way.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like, I always like it. Like, yeah, I caught her cheating on me with a giant black guy or something like that.

[Brian Red Band]

Like a black belt and like a world champion jiu jitsu black guy with blonde hair or something like that. But it's just really the saddest possible

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

thing nowadays is them just growing apart naturally.

[Adam Ray]

Brad, that won't happen with my wife because I can't grow anymore.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is true. There's grow up wife.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Oh, my God. I didn't know. I feel. I didn't know they married that young. Ton, can I ask a question?

[Brian Red Band]

Absolutely.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Timmy, do you have any special moves in the bedroom?

[Chris Caruso]

The motorboat, man. I go for that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very good question. What do you do? You motorboat? Only the tits or are you a motorboater?

[Will Hunsinger]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

You eat ass?

[Chris Caruso]

No.

[Brian Red Band]

No? No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You refuse? Have you ever tried it?

[Chris Caruso]

No, it's not for me, man.

[Michael K]

I don't think.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

Do it.

[Redband]

Just try it once or twice.

[Chris Caruso]

Thanks, Redban.

[Timmy No Breaks]

You've never wanted to boat Red Band's tits? No.

[Chris Caruso]

I'm gonna pass on that. Respectfully.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You've never tried? You've never tongued an ass once?

[David Jolly]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But you've eaten an asset?

[Chris Caruso]

No. You know, that's kind of a weird accident, but yeah.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Brad, I got a question. How'd you accidentally tongue somebody's asshole?

[Adam Ray]

It was eye level.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's.

[Timmy No Breaks]

That's pretty good. That's pretty good. That deserves a bigger pop.

[Brian Red Band]

He was waiting.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Midget newspaper boy deserves a bigger pop.

[Brian Red Band]

That is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is a good one. But you have eaten before, am I correct? Do you enjoy that?

[Chris Caruso]

I don't think anybody really enjoys it, but, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. Chris Peruso.

[Redband]

You're making Dayton, Ohio seem worse.

[Brian Red Band]

This is a very eating crowd you're

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

in front of tonight.

[Brian Red Band]

This crowd loves eating. This guy shaking his head no. Oh, he's. Yeah, he's disappointed in you. He's. He corrected it. He was going, I can't believe it. And then he gave me a thumbs

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

up just to make sure that I

[Brian Red Band]

know that he's into eating as well.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Everybody here is into eating. Can you describe to us exactly what it is that you don't like about eating? Just the texture.

[Brian Red Band]

The texture of the. This guy. This guy over here. You know you're not supposed to actually eat it, right? Like, it's not like oysters or something. You're not supposed to. You're not supposed to swallow it down.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're supposed to like lick it and

[Brian Red Band]

find a pace and a rhythm and

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

like smooch it or something. Seal your lips around it and kind of do a slight sucking in and out motion.

[Louis Cervantes]

Dude.

[Daisuke]

His exact.

[Redband]

Must be disgusting.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah, I think so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's why it only lasted a few years, right? Have you been with other women since?

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Are you currently dating anyone?

[Chris Caruso]

No, I'm not.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you on any of the dating apps or anything like that?

[Chris Caruso]

Not for me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So when's the last date that you went on? When's the last person you just meet people, like at a department store or a bar?

[Chris Caruso]

Yeah, gas stations. That's where I like to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. All right.

[Brian Red Band]

I'm starting to see why you don't like each other eating your ass. Chris. That gas station can be very tricky. You know what I mean?

[Timmy No Breaks]

That's my best bud, Perry.

[Brian Red Band]

That is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We are best friends, Chris. I love it. Are you sponsored by Adidas by any chance?

[Daisuke]

Yes.

[Brian Red Band]

They dropped Kanye and they picked up Chris Caruso, security specialist out of Dayton, Ohio. Adidas is in absolute shambles right now. They're currently losing money. Their stock is. Is sinking right now. From a non eating man wearing nothing but Adidas. Nike is skyrocketing as we speak. Nike, the brand of eaters all around the world. When you see a remember, just do it. Wow. All right, Chris, I gotta tell you, we're running out of little joke books fast tonight. It's a rough one. Thank you, Chris Caruso. Come back, sign up again, do it again sometime.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

These people. Anything can happen.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, my goodness. Oh, my God. There's actual garlic bread, ladies and gentlemen, and a fucking juice box, everybody. You can't make it up. I swear to God, this show is improvised. Meanwhile.

[Daisuke]

Hi.

[Brian Red Band]

Heidi finds the way. How about a hand for Heidi, everybody? Go to her website, heidi regina.com. bunch of great stuff over there. Everybody is thrilled. I hope Camera 2 is picking this up. This is Kill Tony. It's like a great. It's just a great moment. That is adorable. I don't know how Heidi does this. It doesn't make any sense.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like you would think.

[Brian Red Band]

This is all produced. Oh, my God.

[Redband]

That jukebox, that juice box. Is Blippi. By the way, that's a Blippi juice box.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, wait.

[Brian Red Band]

All right, okay, let's just. Let's take it easy here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's.

[Brian Red Band]

Let's not throw things at the audience. Just a reminder that lost lawsuits go to Joe Rogan dot com, not Tony Hench. All right, here we go. Your next bucket poll goes by the name of Eric Spicely, everyone. Here we go. Anything can happen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Eric Spicely.

[Eric Spicely]

Yo, what's going on, Austin?

[Darien Terry]

How you guys doing?

[Eric Spicely]

You guys are good? Yeah, I just moved here, bro. Like Friday, man. Yeah, I grew up in America, but For the last 10 years, I've been living up in Montreal, Quebec, Canada.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah.

[Eric Spicely]

Or as our president likes to call it, gay Alaska. Yo, say what you want about Canadians, man. It's nice being in a place that doesn't have guns, you know? I feel safe walking around just having these goofy fucking ears, man. It's a Dana White privilege, bro. Cops are nice to me. They don't even know what race I am. These ears are from Jiu Jitsu. You guys know what that is? Some people think it makes you look tough. Some people think Jiu Jitsu is a bit homoerotic, right? I've been doing it half my life, guys. I've been a black belt for years. I can honestly say pretty gay.

[Timmy No Breaks]

You just want to go and take it here and kill college.

[Eric Spicely]

I don't know what the going on, but you're good.

[Brian Red Band]

You're good, buddy. You did not win a golden ticket. He's joking. He's joking. Eric, welcome to the show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How are you?

[Eric Spicely]

I'm good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How are you? You are a scary looking fellow.

[Eric Spicely]

Thanks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Without a doubt.

[Brian Red Band]

You look like Jiu Jitsu. You look like the guy. Jiu Jitsu. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Eric Spicely]

I've been doing it for a while.

[Pat O'Neill]

Holy.

[Louis Cervantes]

Holy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you really are a black belt, right?

[Eric Spicely]

Yeah, yeah.

[Daisuke]

Do you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you know the black guy with blonde hair that was here earlier? Did not you ever hear of a guy named Darien Terry?

[Eric Spicely]

Oh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, you just noticed?

[Eric Spicely]

Oh, yeah. My.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Holy. I was like, oh, my God. Are you. Are you in town on Thursday?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm sorry?

[Timmy No Breaks]

Are you in town on Thursday?

[Eric Spicely]

I am, yeah. I just moved.

[Timmy No Breaks]

You want to do secret show?

[Brian Red Band]

This episode is chaos. How's the robot doing over here? How we feeling? Yeah, rock and roll. It's actually Aaron Belial, everybody. He's in there. He's in there right now. You just put a little cloth over his face, Eric.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So where are you from again? What'd you say?

[Eric Spicely]

I'm I'm from New York City, but I've been living in Canada for, like, 10 years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why have you been living in Canada for 10 years? Why in the world did you choose Montreal, Canada?

[Eric Spicely]

So I. I used to fight in the ufc.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Eric Spicely]

And I got signed, and then I moved there to train a tristar. Like GSP and.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yeah. GSP is the man. That's awesome. Are you. Are you still doing it?

[Eric Spicely]

I don't fight anymore. Now I just coach and train and stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perfect. Perfect. Amazing. So the fights in the ufc, what was that like? How did that go? Explain to people. Most of us just picture it, we dream about it, but none of us, like, look at this fucking fat Italian guy in this.

[Brian Red Band]

Like, I mean, we watch, we imagine. Like, that would be my walk. I'd come out to Phil Collins in the air tonight. Yeah, I would do that, too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us what it's really like. Training's exhausting. And then what's that like?

[Eric Spicely]

It sucks, dude.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah, it.

[Eric Spicely]

You gotta fight black dudes and.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[Timmy No Breaks]

A mushroom.

[Angel Diaz]

Russell.

[Eric Spicely]

Russian Muslims and.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah, they're crazy, right? And they just shoot low. The Russians just take you down, and now it hurts.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And they're throwing elbows and stuff. So how many fights in the UFC did you have?

[Eric Spicely]

I think I had eight, but the

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

CT is a little.

[Eric Spicely]

I don't really remember.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, absolutely.

[Redband]

Now, what's your main song that you came out there to?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good question.

[Eric Spicely]

I used to come out to Train in Vain by the Clash.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay.

[Eric Spicely]

Yeah, I like to have, like, a weird gay song, so I don't look city.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. They're from New York, right? I don't know right about that. Okay, maybe not. They have a song about New York, I think. Okay. Eric Spicely. So eight fights. What if you had to guess what your record is?

[Eric Spicely]

I was, I think, two and five. So I'm gonna. Had seven fights.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it's very hard.

[Eric Spicely]

It's a tough one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A lot of people don't know kel. Tony's Ari. Matty. 03, not in the UFC, didn't make it to the UFC, but in the lesser leagues, all time. 03.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Deport him. Deport him.

[Brian Red Band]

Deport him.

[Timmy No Breaks]

We're enemies. Hey, Kaiser.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Follow. Yeah, go right ahead.

[Timmy No Breaks]

How much time do you have?

[Eric Spicely]

I've got about, like, 15 minutes.

[Timmy No Breaks]

15 minutes.

[Eric Spicely]

I feel solid about you.

[Timmy No Breaks]

I'm going to be doing the Sanjak open mic in a couple days. You want to do three on that?

[Eric Spicely]

Yeah, sounds great, buddy. Fuck, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Brian Red Band]

There you go. You just.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You just.

[Brian Red Band]

You just got booked on an open mic with Timmy. No breaks. Eric.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So tell us more about your normal life. I mean, you seem like you would be good with the ladies, right? They probably are into some scary orangutan looking man.

[Eric Spicely]

It's mostly dudes, honestly.

[Michael K]

Right?

[Eric Spicely]

It's mostly. Yeah, girls will approach me, but so their boyfriends can fucking hit on me and shit, right? It's. Yeah, mostly dudes. So everybody in town has just been like, like, what's up, bro? Head nod. I'm like, all right, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right? That's me. I'm the gay one, according to.

[Brian Red Band]

Or.

[Eric Spicely]

It's like, chicks that want to get, like, up, like. Like, they're like, yo, I want you to punch me in the.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, wow.

[Timmy No Breaks]

I like this guy. I like this guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Eric, what else about your life would we find surprising? Any other fun facts about Eric Spicely?

[Eric Spicely]

I used to do pro wrestling.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow.

[Eric Spicely]

Yeah, I made it to wwe.

[Brian Red Band]

How long?

[Eric Spicely]

It was too small.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long were you there for?

[Darien Terry]

No, I didn't.

[Eric Spicely]

I just got a tryout. I didn't.

[David Jolly]

I didn't make it.

[Eric Spicely]

They told me I was too small now. Basically told me to get on steroids.

[Adam Ray]

They had a wrestler named Hornswoggle that was a dwarf. So I think it's just because you sucked.

[Daisuke]

Is that you, dude?

[Timmy No Breaks]

Holy.

[Adam Ray]

We all look alike.

[Eric Spicely]

Honestly, I'm not gonna lie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I. Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

Is there any truth to the fact

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

that training for the WWE is harder than training for the ufc?

[Eric Spicely]

I thought it was much harder for sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A lot of puking and stuff, right?

[Eric Spicely]

No, I didn't really puke. I mean, I. Doing a lot of cardio and stuff. It's just a lot to remember.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah.

[Eric Spicely]

Getting punched in the face is like. You just. You're on autopilot, Right? You just train and then you do it. But, like, this is like choreography and, like, you know what I mean?

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, Eric, how long you been on stand up?

[Eric Spicely]

Two and a half years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Two and a half years. Okay, perfect. Well, you're.

[Timmy No Breaks]

You're going. You're a talent.

[Eric Spicely]

I can't tell if you're with me.

[Timmy No Breaks]

No, I like. I like you. I like your. I like your. You know. Well, your face is up, but, like, you know, you got. I like the woman being stuff. Maybe say retard a little bit more and you'll be good. You'll be good. You'll kill it in Austin. I'm serious.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Keep writing, Eric. It's a little joke book for you this time.

[Brian Red Band]

But who knows what can happen next time? There he goes. Eric Spicely. Everybody. Much like Eric's record with bucket pulls, we're owing four tonight. There's some napkins for you. He's got one garlic knot left. He's truly committed to this bit. He's literally eating garlic knots. Everybody makes moisture. Next bucket pool, everyone. It's Louis Cervantes, everybody.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

Hell, yeah.

[Louis Cervantes]

I have a problem with talking to girls. I'm not really good at flirting. Like, for instance, this morning, I was leaving the gym, and I saw this really hot girl walking towards me. I was like, I'm gonna talk to her. I'm gonna do it. So I held the door for her, and she walked by. She goes, thank you so much, and looks down at my feet. She goes, I really like your shoes. And verbatim, what I said back was, mm. I bought she's gonna be single forever. My last girlfriend wasn't really my type. Like, she used to put me in hypothetical situations. Like, one time we were watching 50 First Dates with Adam Sandler, and she goes, you like this movie? And I go, yeah. She goes, well, let me ask you something. If I lost my memory, would you stick around and tell me, or would you leave like an asshole? And that's how she said it, so I knew what she wanted to hear. I was like, no. I'd stick around. I'd remind you of all the cool things we used to do, you know? And at the end of every night, I'd remind you how much you begged for anal.

[Brian Red Band]

Louis Cervantes, everybody.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah, Carlos. How big is your fucking family?

[Brian Red Band]

This is incredible what's happening here.

[Louis Cervantes]

I like the guys.

[Brian Red Band]

There's a lot of the same guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You do jiu Jitsu at all, Lewis?

[Louis Cervantes]

No.

[Brian Red Band]

No.

[Louis Cervantes]

And I. Honestly, man, like, I've only been in Austin for a year, and when I got here, I realized this was, like, the style. I've been doing this since I was 11, so it kind of pissed me the off. I don't like it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you started shaving your head at 11?

[Louis Cervantes]

At 11 years old, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible. What made you do it all the way back then?

[Louis Cervantes]

My cousin did it. He actually came home from the Navy, Thanksgiving one night and surprised everybody. And at the time, I had long, luscious, curly, beautiful hair. And he took me to the garage and shaved it off because he's a dickhead. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Mexicans love landscaping.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah, that's right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Louis, what do you do for work?

[Louis Cervantes]

I'm an AV at the Moody Center.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, nice.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fuck, yeah. The arena.

[Louis Cervantes]

The arena, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice.

[Louis Cervantes]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely amazing. For those of you Wondering what that question was here in Austin, for some reason. Reason, there's like, 15 different moody things, and it's crazy.

[Louis Cervantes]

Yeah, I just work at the arena, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's awesome. That's fantastic. How long you been doing that? Not that long.

[Louis Cervantes]

At beginning of the year, I think since beginning of January, Middle of January.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What are some of your favorite shows that you've done so far?

[Louis Cervantes]

Oh, man, I just did George Straight.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice. Yeah, he was here this weekend.

[Louis Cervantes]

George Straight was pretty fun. Yeah, he did the round, so he just had the stage in the middle and.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Louis Cervantes]

Packed the fucking place. I was cool.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's awesome. Fun gig. I mean, if you're doing AV in Austin, that's the place to be doing it.

[Louis Cervantes]

Yeah, I didn't realize. I mean, I heard Austin was music city, but it's like every fucking door on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Louis Cervantes]

The street. It's crazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's very special, and people get it confused. Nashville often gets that credit, but that's really only. Literally, basically only country music. Whereas here, it's all different kinds of music. Yeah.

[Louis Cervantes]

All the genres.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep. So, Louis, you from Austin?

[Louis Cervantes]

No, I'm from the Bay Area. California.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. How long have you been here? How long have you been here?

[Louis Cervantes]

Since March last year.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. So you got that job at the Moody center pretty fast?

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah.

[Louis Cervantes]

I mean, I would have liked to have had it before I moved here, but, yeah, you know.

[Brian Red Band]

Great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was that like, that beginning period before you had that job?

[Louis Cervantes]

Just a lot of kind of figuring out Austin, figuring out what I want to do, and figuring out the comedy scene. Just kind of doing side hustle stuff. Some door dashing, of course, just to stay afloat.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What are some things that surprise you about Austin that are different than the Bay Area other than less gay men shitting on the sidewalk?

[Brian Red Band]

A lot less.

[Louis Cervantes]

A lot less gay men still people shitting on the sidewalk. That's something I'm trying to get used to. Is the homeless here a little more aggressive than back home?

[Timmy No Breaks]

Why don't you use a toilet? Gig A.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's me.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Every time you had really good delivery, I want to say, oh, thank you. Yeah, it was so good. I thought it was Digiorno's.

[Redband]

All right.

[Timmy No Breaks]

I'm smart, so every time I say DiGiorno's, I get $100. So I might get say it a couple more times, but really, it was a good delivery. I liked it.

[Louis Cervantes]

Thanks, Timmy.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah, no problem, man.

[Daisuke]

Yeah.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Also, it looks like you have a dickhead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Louis Cervantes]

Thank you.

[Chris Caruso]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Louis, tell us something about your life that would surprise us.

[Louis Cervantes]

It's true. I do look like a dickhead. He's not lying. A lot of people don't know that I'm 80 or I have 80% hearing in my right ear and 60 in my left from a skydiving accident.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ooh, what was the accident?

[Louis Cervantes]

I went up congested and jumped from 18,000ft. Congested. And it blew out both my eardrums.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Oh, that's really lame. Yeah, I thought it was gonna be like, I hit another guy in midair. Change that story, man. You're on kill tongue. Come on.

[Louis Cervantes]

You're still being honest.

[Redband]

Your stereo must be annoying, though, for, like, movies and shit like that, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're. You're.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

You're.

[Brian Red Band]

Never mind. More importantly, the job that you do

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

for a living at the arena.

[Brian Red Band]

That must be hard.

[Louis Cervantes]

Yeah, it.

[David Jolly]

It.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, you. You going into it with bad hearing is like finding out that your Uber driver is D madness, right?

[Brian Red Band]

Like, you're, like. You're, like, really getting away with murder over there.

[Louis Cervantes]

Well, you know, it's. I guess that just shows how good I am at my job.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. I couldn't agree more. Louis, what's your love life like?

[Louis Cervantes]

Non existent.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why, hero? Why is that?

[Louis Cervantes]

I don't know. Probably because I look like a. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Last date that you went on, what was that like?

[Louis Cervantes]

We went and got something to eat and talked most of the time. Couldn't get a kiss or a hand hold or nothing. No hug? Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Chris Caruso]

No handhold.

[Bobby Ludlum]

Mike. Yeah.

[Timmy No Breaks]

I. I would not be so hard on yourself. You know, Brad has a wife.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's hope.

[Adam Ray]

There's hope for you.

[Louis Cervantes]

Thanks, Brad.

[Brian Red Band]

You can do it too.

[Adam Ray]

And you have jokes and you have punch lines. It was so nice to hear real punch lines from a comedian out here tonight.

[Brian Red Band]

So appreciate it.

[Eric Spicely]

Thank you.

[Timmy No Breaks]

It was so stuffed full of punch lines. I thought it was like, you know, stuffed crust with. With DiGiorno.

[Daisuke]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

Wow. Another hundred bucks, Lewis.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here you go.

[Brian Red Band]

Here's a big joke book. We're gonna keep it moving along. There he goes, everybody. All right. Another bucket pool. We're flying through them tonight. Make some noise for your next comedian, everybody. It's Michael K. Here comes Michael K, everyone.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here we go.

[Brian Red Band]

The band's playing music.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Bands playing music.

[Michael K]

So I was thinking a lot about addiction recently. You know, a lot of people addicted to alcohol, they won't admit that they have a problem with it. Now, I'm not an alcoholic, but I am a shopaholic. It's where I spend just way too much money at the Liquor store and get drunk all the time? No, I used to do a lot of drugs, actually. Let's hear for drugs. I used to use this thing called the. The Silk Road. You guys know what that is?

[Bobby Ludlum]

Yeah.

[Michael K]

All right. Nice. If you don't know. It was a darknet marketplace where you could get anything you wanted shipped discreetly to your house using cryptocurrency.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Michael K]

To keep it pseudo anonymous. And since they cut out the middleman, like, the prices were so low and the quality was super high, you could get a gram of the most beautiful uncut cocaine straight from bolivia for, like, 50 bitcoin. I don't know if you guys are up to date with the current price of bitcoin. This was 15 years ago. Let me put it this way. Have you ever partied so hard that you snorted a Lamborghini? Because I snorted four Lamborghini dealerships. The top four in North America.

[Brian Red Band]

There you go, Michael K. Very interesting. Is that true? Like, is that real stuff?

[Michael K]

That's unfortunately very true.

[Will Hunsinger]

Yeah.

[Bobby Ludlum]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So that was back then, huh?

[Michael K]

Yeah, I was very early in the space.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was it only cocaine that you would buy off of that?

[Michael K]

I haven't done it since then because it was so good. I couldn't be able to do it again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Michael K]

Just so nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Amazing stuff. So it was just cocaine that you did buy off of there? I don't really understand the entire.

[Michael K]

And I had it. I actually am really stupid. So I had it shipped to me where I live, which is in Japan, actually.

[Redband]

Did you save any bitcoins?

[Michael K]

Oh, yeah.

[Bobby Ludlum]

No.

[Michael K]

So I have, like, a whole bitcoin saga after that, just because.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can you tell us about it?

[Michael K]

Yeah, it's really long, but. So I used. I used to work for this exchange that was called Mount Gox. It was the. It had 90% of the world's exchange. You guys know Mount Gox?

[Daisuke]

Oh, fuck.

[Michael K]

So I was the guy who put out all the shitty press releases telling you why you couldn't have your money.

[Daisuke]

So the.

[Michael K]

Sorry about that. The guy who was running it, he lost 600,000 Bitcoin.

[Daisuke]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And that's like tens of millions of dollars.

[Louis Cervantes]

Billions.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, shit.

[Chris Caruso]

Billions.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah. I have no idea. I don't know anything about that.

[Michael K]

So. So I got subpoenaed by the Southern district of New York for that Pre Bharara.

[Brian Red Band]

Wow.

[Michael K]

That was fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing.

[Michael K]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So it's made you rich. And then it caused a lot of trouble.

[Michael K]

I. I did all right. It happened. It happened. I got subpoenaed the Day my first child was born. So it was a perfect. No, it was a perfect away message, like, sorry, my daughter's born. I can't respond to your subpoena.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, wow.

[Michael K]

I did respond to the subpoena.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How many kids do you have now?

[Michael K]

3.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You still with the baby mama?

[Michael K]

No, not for the first two, but for the third one, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so you have a new baby mama?

[Michael K]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Michael K]

I don't call her that.

[Brian Red Band]

So the third kid. That.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The third kid is with your wife?

[Michael K]

Yeah, with my partner back in Tokyo.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. She's Japanese.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very nice.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Is she 18 or how old is she? Yeah, Red band asked me to ask that.

[Michael K]

Red band wants to know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, see.

[Brian Red Band]

Where'd you meet her?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

At like a sushi restaurant or something?

[Michael K]

We were working together.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do in Japan?

[Michael K]

Well, I'm. I'm producing comedy shows. Actually, we're on tour with Kansai, actually.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Kansai Yasuda.

[Daisuke]

Yeah.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

Yeah.

[Michael K]

So Kansas is on our tour we're doing. He was supposed to be here, but we couldn't get him his visa in time, so he's stuck in Canada.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, our president's a little tough on that right now.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah, don't talk about him like that. Tom, don't do that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's okay. It's okay. He likes it. So you're. You're doing America. You're doing English speaking comedy shows in Tokyo?

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah.

[Michael K]

Yeah. Well, Japanese shows does also, but.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, you can speak Japanese fluently. I speak.

[Michael K]

I do all right. I've been there like 22 years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How amazing.

[Adam Ray]

Can we hear some jokes in Japanese?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, can we just.

[Michael K]

I don't know any Japanese jokes actually.

[Brian Red Band]

Can you just say it?

[Michael K]

I. I wouldn't, I wouldn't. I'm not even gonna embarrass myself.

[Adam Ray]

Can you just spell out like, Godzilla in Japanese?

[Brian Red Band]

There we go.

[Adam Ray]

Oh, that was authentic. That was very authentic.

[Michael K]

Yeah, I'm a regular, regular Kansai yesterday.

[Redband]

Yeah.

[Timmy No Breaks]

This guy rocks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Michael K]

So we're doing a US tour now and with everybody all around for next month with Japanese comedians.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Say more Japanese stuff. Just a little bit more.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can you just say a sentence in Japanese? Anything at all. You've been there 22 years. Doesn't have to be a joke. It can be anything. Oh, okay.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Go ahead. Yeah, I'm taking over for a sec.

[Brian Red Band]

Take it over after I ask the question. You go ahead.

[Timmy No Breaks]

That makes sense. I have the gold microphone, so.

[Brian Red Band]

That's sick.

[Timmy No Breaks]

So here's what I want you to do. I want. Because you're gonna kill if you do this? I think it's an experiment. Okay. I'm an advanced comedian. I've been doing it many months and so two months. So I want you to do, you know, English words but with a Japanese accent.

[Michael K]

Ah, that I excel at.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Okay, let's hear it.

[Michael K]

Yeah, what do you want to hear?

[Timmy No Breaks]

I don't give a fuck.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, well, really, anybody can do this.

[Timmy No Breaks]

But punchlines.

[Michael K]

So the key with Japanese, it's not

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

just fuck it, don't.

[Michael K]

My name is Maikiru, but I am not Japanese. I am American.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Okay. Add audience laughter and post for that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, how about an actual sentence in Japanese? Why did you make just really anything? You've been there 22 fucking years so

[Michael K]

you can say something simple. The easiest thing to just say is Namabiro onagaishima else.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What does that mean?

[Michael K]

Just like a beer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Michael K]

That's helpful for you anywhere.

[Redband]

Okay, so I think I know about you. Kim Congdon recently went there and I've. That's. I've always wanted to go there so bad is the great question. Is the audience mostly like military or.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, no, no, no.

[Michael K]

We have a lot of like tourists now, but there's a pretty solid, like local contingent. It's packed like every night of the week. We do like three, two, three shows a night.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So your other two kids are Japanese as well?

[Michael K]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you have three Japanese kids?

[Michael K]

Three, yeah, half Japanese.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They very smart. How old's the oldest one?

[Michael K]

12.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

12. So is it smarter than you yet?

[Michael K]

Oh, yeah, she's. She's definitely smarter than me. I'm. I'm not the smartest, though.

[Brian Red Band]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is she bigger? Is she bigger than Brad?

[Michael K]

Yeah, well, he's sitting down. I can't really tell, but maybe.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah.

[Timmy No Breaks]

I mean, his feet are not touching the floor.

[Brian Red Band]

He's literally the same height whether he's sitting here standing.

[Timmy No Breaks]

That's my boy. That's my boy.

[Brian Red Band]

He stood up and literally

[Adam Ray]

I floated.

[Timmy No Breaks]

He almost accidentally ate your ass.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Michael, you're leaving here with a medium sized joke book. Congratulations.

[Brian Red Band]

Welcome to Kil Tony the First. Oh, well, give away.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, Redband wants his name. Very interesting.

[Timmy No Breaks]

I gotta take a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, there you go.

[Brian Red Band]

Timmy's going to take a ship. Make some noise for your next bucket pool, everybody. Very rough handwriting here. So I'm just going to get basically guess, make some noise for Pisces or Daisuke. Okay. Wow, that makes sense. So.

[Daisuke]

So I was. I was a comedian in Japan. Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

For.

[Daisuke]

For 23 years. Yeah. I was super successful in Japan.

[Bobby Ludlum]

Yeah.

[Daisuke]

But I gave up my Entire career. Everything. Everything to. To take me up, to take me in here, right? Yeah. Sometimes my American friend called me kamikaze. Yeah, I'm a kamikaze.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah.

[Daisuke]

Do you know kamikaze? During World War II, Kamikaze pilot flew with just enough fell for one week trip. Just one way trip. And they crash into American warships, right? Yeah, I'm kamikaze. But to be honest, America is so expensive for me. So every. Every three months, I go back to Japan to make money. Yeah, I'm kamikaze. I'm kamikaze who goes back to Japan four times a year. Yeah, I'm kamikaze. I'm kamikaze with three grand flyer miles. Yeah, I'm kamikaze. I'm kamikaze. I'm kamikaze. Who can check? Who can check one extra buck for free. Yeah, I'm a kanikaze who can use that lounge for free. Yeah, I'm can say who can. Who goes back to Japan too much that my English never improves.

[Brian Red Band]

Wow, that's insane. Everything that we wanted from the last comedian all at once. That was so great. Absolutely incredible. I'm guessing that you know the last guy, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You came here with Michael K. Yeah,

[Daisuke]

I know here him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're part of the tour or whatever. Is it just a complete coincidence?

[Daisuke]

Oh, I'm sorry. I. I can't understand.

[Brian Red Band]

Hold on, hold on. Bring Michael K. Back out here. Go grab Michael K. Finally, we found a good. A good purpose for Michael K. Everybody. We're going to use them as a translator to talk to the actual funny comedian that we found out of the bucket. This is incredible. Michael K. Come on up here.

[Darien Terry]

Help me.

[Brian Red Band]

Help with me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Michael, is this guy on the tour that you brought from. Okay, yeah, that makes sense. Kino, can you get that? There we go.

[Michael K]

Yeah, he's on the tour.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. This guy's hilarious.

[Michael K]

Daisuke is huge in Japan.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing.

[Michael K]

He's the man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do you say his name?

[Michael K]

Daisuke.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Daisuke. Oh my goodness. Amazing. Dice killer. Welcome. A welcome.

[Daisuke]

Ohio, Ohio.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm from Ohio.

[Daisuke]

Ohio. Okay, you're from.

[Brian Red Band]

Okay. It means good morning.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Okay.

[Brian Red Band]

Okay.

[Ty Funny]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Daisaki, so we're going to kind of use you as a translator because he's got the one minute set. He's definitely a kamikaze. And. But I'm going to ask him some questions here. Daisaki, what do you. What do you love about America?

[Redband]

Oh, look.

[Brian Red Band]

Who knows how to speak Japanese. They should wear whatsoever. He's like the only thing I know how to do is order A beer.

[Michael K]

Tony.

[Adam Ray]

Deer in a head.

[Brian Red Band]

Go straight into it when you're under actual pressure.

[Daisuke]

Yeah. So two. Two. Everything. So two, you know, so two. T O. Right? So, yeah, America and Japanese, so different. Everything too. So, yeah, America. So homeless. Two homeless, you know, gay people. Too gay.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah, yeah.

[Daisuke]

Everything too, right?

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah. Yes.

[Adam Ray]

Your penis.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Two inches.

[Ty Funny]

Yeah.

[Daisuke]

Too small to be.

[Brian Red Band]

All right.

[Daisuke]

Too small.

[Brian Red Band]

Timmy, no breaks is back, everybody.

[Timmy No Breaks]

How we doing?

[Brian Red Band]

Whoa. Timmy. Timmy, you need to clean up.

[Timmy No Breaks]

What's your name? What's your name?

[Daisuke]

Oh, Daisuke. Daisuke.

[Timmy No Breaks]

What the. Do you just call me?

[Brian Red Band]

I think he called you Andrew Dice Gay. All right, let's talk about it for a second here, Daisuke.

[Daisuke]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So how long have you been doing stand up?

[Daisuke]

23 in Japan.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

23 Japanese years.

[Daisuke]

And then I. I moved there in New York two years ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You live in New York now?

[Daisuke]

Yeah, and. Yeah, and now New York, and I started learning English in two years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You just learned English two years ago.

[Daisuke]

Everything memorized now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing.

[Daisuke]

Everything.

[Adam Ray]

And you lived in Japan for how long?

[Michael K]

I've been there 20 years. 22 years.

[Adam Ray]

22 years. Couldn't give us a sentence in Japanese.

[Brian Red Band]

I have to say something funny.

[Michael K]

Like, you can't just.

[Brian Red Band]

Well, all right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, Daisuke.

[Daisuke]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What. What do you do for work? You make all your money doing comedy?

[Daisuke]

Yeah, just comedy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You make money doing that?

[Daisuke]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So in Japan. So real story, every three months, I go back to Japan to make money, and then so open mic, and in Japan, I make money.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, he's really a star in Japan, so he sells hard tickets in Japan.

[Michael K]

He goes. He goes back to Japan for a month or two at a time and just tours the whole time, and then goes back to New York.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love New York. Amazing. What an amazing anomaly you are, Daisuke. So 23. How old are you?

[Daisuke]

45.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

40.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Holy.

[Adam Ray]

What the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

So Asian.

[Daisuke]

Asian. So if you. If there were a Bustan island in Japan, Pedophiles panic.

[Brian Red Band]

Wow.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Did he used to have, like, really big legs or something?

[Daisuke]

What do you mean?

[Timmy No Breaks]

The pants are humongous. I'm just.

[Redband]

That's the fashion.

[Daisuke]

Oh. Oh, yeah. I understand. He's a rational.

[Brian Red Band]

Yes, yes. Very good. I wanted to be.

[Daisuke]

I went,

[Brian Red Band]

All right, all right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is incredible. Daisuke, you. You. You have a. Are you in love? Do you have kids? You have a family or anything? Or do you.

[Daisuke]

Single? Single.

[Brian Red Band]

Said you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You get a lot of action in Japan, I bet. I bet there's a lot of fans that like to bang you after shows. Am I correct? Can you translate that for me, Michael?

[Daisuke]

What? No. So when I. When I came to here, I broke up. So Dumper.

[Will Hunsinger]

My girlfriend, you know, Racist.

[Daisuke]

Oh, that's my friend. Me too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right in where you come from. What do they do with when babies are born that come out like Brad.

[Ty Funny]

What?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Brad?

[Brian Red Band]

Translate it, Michael.

[Daisuke]

Yeah, but. So, yeah, Japanese people. Same told them I gotta go to Japan, guys.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah, you might be Andre the giant

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Japan tour with you to Japan.

[Brian Red Band]

I love it. I love it.

[Adam Ray]

This is gonna be awesome. I'm gonna take over.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah.

[Adam Ray]

I'm gonna sit in a chair. My legs are gonna touch the ground.

[Michael K]

Sweet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Daisuke, what is your favorite American cuisine? And when you translate, Michael, speak into the microphone.

[Brian Red Band]

Just say it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ask him into the microphone.

[Bobby Ludlum]

What the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm talking about Amazing.

[Brian Red Band]

Please say fluent Japanese.

[Daisuke]

So you know, food attracts. Or Mexican food. I like. I love Mexican food.

[Brian Red Band]

Ah, yeah.

[Daisuke]

I love. I love. But. But I. I don't. I don't like slantor, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, Wait, what?

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah,

[Redband]

either do I. I hate.

[Daisuke]

I hate, hate slanter. The smell. The smell taste. So especially pronunciation okay.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Dejoy knows with like a word with you.

[Daisuke]

Yeah, pronunciation is slant.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing.

[Daisuke]

Slantor. I hate L sounds.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What is your favorite thing to eat when you're in Japan? Japan favorite Japanese. A cuisine?

[Daisuke]

Sushi.

[Adam Ray]

He doesn't understand it. If you just use the accent.

[Redband]

You do Italian on it.

[Adam Ray]

Know Japanese cuisine. I speak fluent Japanese.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You like nigiri?

[Daisuke]

Yeah, you know?

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adam Ray]

I like shrimp.

[Daisuke]

I use shrimp.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Why'd you look at his penis?

[Adam Ray]

You are what you eat.

[Redband]

Do you have any Japanese or American comedians that you looked up to or that got you into comedy?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That Great question. Red band, the rare, unbelievably great question.

[Daisuke]

Yeah, yeah. So you know, Japanese comedian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, so.

[Daisuke]

But Japanese comedian, you know, downtown, you know, so very famous comedian. But so America is so different. So five years ago, I watched on YouTube, you know, Georgie, George Carlin.

[Brian Red Band]

Ah, Georgie, Karin, George Cary.

[Daisuke]

What comedian. And then I decided to come to America. Yeah, yeah. Because of George Kha.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love that. That's a great answer from a great question.

[Brian Red Band]

How about a hand for Red Band and Dice Gang?

[Ty Funny]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let me ask you this, Michael, because I'm curious. How many of these. How many of these kamikazes did you bring with you to kill Tony today?

[Michael K]

Including Kansei, it'd be five.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, very good.

[Louis Cervantes]

So there might be next door.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. There might be more selected later. But I'm very glad to meet you, Daisuke.

[Redband]

Is there any females in the group?

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah.

[Michael K]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really? There Is I love Y After party Dice Gay. I'm going to give you a. A big Kill Tony joke book. I want to make it a good one.

[Brian Red Band]

Here. There you go, my friend. Boom. How about a hand for the Kill Tony debut of Lo.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you. Hell yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

Are you here on Thursday?

[Daisuke]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why don't you invite him to the moon tower week? So what the fuck does that mean?

[Redband]

That moon tower owns the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. You sold out to that?

[Redband]

No, no, no. I just picked people like Jeremiah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Got it.

[Redband]

Flower Brothers.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, got it, got it, got it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's very exciting for the show.

[Brian Red Band]

It's amazing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You can't give this guy fucking five minutes, But. Okay. Yep, go ahead.

[Daisuke]

So from tomorrow, we will start our tour around the world, around America. Please Instagram check me.

[Brian Red Band]

And just to make sure your Instagram is. Instagram is. D A I S U K E. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Daisuke]

So no, no. M U R A Muramoto Daisuke. Okay, okay. See you one day,

[Brian Red Band]

Daisuke. I like your style, buddy. Oh, yeah, there it is. Miramoto Daisuke 1. 1125. If anyone's looking for the WI FI password, it's on the back of the router. Miramo Todasaki 1125. All lowercase letters. Good luck. It's the first time someone's sold negative tickets from a promotion on this show. Comedian Daisuke, that's.

[Timmy No Breaks]

What sort of comedians do. You look up, too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right.

[Adam Ray]

Every single one of them.

[Brian Red Band]

All right, let's keep it moving here. Gentlemen, your next bucket pool. This looks like a real American name. Everybody make some noise for Remington. Blake Windsor, everyone. Oh, my goodness.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

How the hell are y' all doing? All right, that's enough crowd work. I want to preface this first joke by saying that I do not condone police brutality. I think it is not cool. However, if you think about it, where would rap music be if cops were always nice to black people? You know, there'd be no Tupac, no Biggie, no Ice Cube. No Ice Cube. Do you want to live in a world without the movie? Are we there yet? I was giving my roommate a ride the other day, and she was like, remington, why is your car so clean? And I was like, well, I lit her.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Brilliant.

[Brian Red Band]

Absolutely brilliant.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jokes, setups, punchlines. We haven't really seen anything quite like it tonight. Believe it or not, we're an hour and some change into the show.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

I. I worked really hard on it. I didn't want to disappoint you, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're amazing. How long you been on Stand up.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

I started right after all the COVID restrictions lifted. So where? At Little Woodrows and South Park Meadows. I was the door guy there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here in Austin?

[Remington Blake Windsor]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing that you have gone under the radar this long. How long have you been signing up for the show?

[Remington Blake Windsor]

Since this past New Year's Eve. I signed up a couple times when I had tickets and stuff, but I kind of left it it for people who were living in their cars, really going for it, you know, because I didn't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I like the fact that you took time to prepare and get ready for the show. Some people make the absolutely ridiculously mentally

[Brian Red Band]

ill mistake of starting on this show for attention. Some people this. Oh my goodness, you guys are so out of control. Did you jump into the mirror or what happened?

[Timmy No Breaks]

You got cocaine on your nose.

[Adam Ray]

I don't know what you're talking about, man. This is natural.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. That's a pretty good bit fo.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

Or how do you pronounce?

[Timmy No Breaks]

You look like Rick. Just Rick?

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah. Carlos, Psychiatrist here.

[Ty Funny]

Amazing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, Remington, Blake Windsor. You are incredible. If you had to guess how many minutes like that you have, how. How long would you guess? That minute was so smart and funny.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

I got about 10 ready to go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's great, man. Fantastic stuff. So, Remington, let me ask you this. How do you make money nowadays?

[Remington Blake Windsor]

I was in the army and while I was in, I got an owie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I bet you did.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

So I get about as much as a schoolteacher does for breathing and thank

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

you for your heroic

[Brian Red Band]

fucking.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

I wasn't overseas. I got it while I was in the US doesn't still get what happened.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And can we ask what happened?

[Remington Blake Windsor]

It was a training accident. Snow is a lot harder than I thought it was. And I fell off this obstacle course thing and severed all the tendons that connect your collarbone to your shoulder blade.

[Brian Red Band]

Ah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. That sucks.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

And now I. I get paid, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's great, man. That's amazing.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

I mean, it's, you know, it's awesome. That's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's great for you. Anything could have happened. I mean, had you not had that injury, you could have had to go

[Remington Blake Windsor]

work at Home Depot, have been injured overseas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Something like that. So, Remington, tell us more about your life. What would be we'd be surprised to know about. You have any special skills or talents other than being a very good joke writer?

[Remington Blake Windsor]

I got kick ass ankle jewelry.

[Brian Red Band]

Whoa. Oh my God. You gotta be fucking kidding me. Of all the people that we've had up here tonight, remember there was a guy named DJ Coyote earlier?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're the one with the ankle monitor?

[Remington Blake Windsor]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did you do to earn that amazing piece of hardware?

[Remington Blake Windsor]

I got two DWIs in 14 days.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, my God. Take us through this process. So, the first one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's just go through it. Let's take a guess. Give me a ballpark of what you had to drive, drink that night. I like drinking.

[Brian Red Band]

I'm a fan of it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I tend to do crown royals and Coca Colas, and I throw in shots of tequila in between.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Like a straight guy.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

Yeah, I had to. I had to drive to New Bronzeville, so I stuck with Dos Equis.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, wow. So how many Dos Equis do you think you had the night of the first DUI? Staball Park's fine. 15.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

Seven.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Seven's okay.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah, seven's a lot for Brad.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

That's what I told the cop, at least.

[Brian Red Band]

Okay, so you. But seriously, it was about that amount.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

I mean, I guess when you start in the morning and just.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Would you. Would you blow.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, God.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Timmy, don't question for tone.

[Brian Red Band]

Don't finish it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, Very good. Okay, stick with me here, because I

[Brian Red Band]

find DUIs very intriguing. So how close were you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How close were you to New Braunfels, to home, when you got this dui?

[Remington Blake Windsor]

I was actually turning into my neighborhood. I got pulled over.

[Brian Red Band]

That is normally how it happens.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's why I ask these tough questions.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

I got pulled over for not using my blinker, and I. I was in a turn only lane. I thought it was implied.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah, I love it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so this is a big one. Do you remember on that first dui, the moment you knew you were. Was there, like, a question he asked you that you answered incorrect, and you're like, oh, God.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

He was like, where are you coming from? And I said, home. But I was going, ah, yeah, that'll do it.

[Brian Red Band]

See, this is interesting.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

Now, they're tricky, those police.

[Brian Red Band]

They are. They are.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so let's switch to the second DUI. Two DUIs within 14 days. You probably shouldn't have been driving at all this time, right? No, but there you were. And then how many drinks do you think you had this time? Same amount. Ballpark.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

Ballpark, same amount.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How far?

[Remington Blake Windsor]

I just, like, from morning to. Whenever I go to sleep. Just white cloth.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, but I mean, again, seven. That seems like a low amount. From morning to night.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

It was probably more. That's just where I lose count.

[Brian Red Band]

Right, exactly. Okay, so this one, was it a little more like the midway point, or

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

was this also very close to home?

[Remington Blake Windsor]

It was midway point. Yeah, but, you know, like, they ask you for your license and insurance.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

He was just like, how much have you had to drink tonight? Like with his head back. And I said, seven.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, yeah, that'll do it.

[Ty Funny]

And

[Remington Blake Windsor]

he was like, how long have you been drinking? I said, three and a half hours. Went out to do the field sobriety test. Went Z, y, x, w, v, u, t, s, r, q, p, o, n, m, l, k, j, I, h, g, F EDCBA and he was like, you have to wait for us to ask that.

[Brian Red Band]

This. This is kill.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tony.

[Brian Red Band]

Tony.

[Redband]

I got some news that when he came in, he was wearing brass knuckles.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wearing brass knuckles.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

That is protection from the homeless.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That makes sense.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

All right. To and from the car. I'm not a dangerous.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That makes sense. You have to defend yourself out here on these streets. Have you ever had to use the brass knuckles?

[Remington Blake Windsor]

No, not yet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very good. Good.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Wait, are you serious? Yeah, like a bit. Or is that true?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, we're being serious.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

I carry them around. I used to carry a stun gun.

[Timmy No Breaks]

But am I the only person that thinks as crazy to have brass knuckles to just punch a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No.

[Daisuke]

That.

[Brian Red Band]

That's why it was brought to our

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

attention and featured on the show.

[Brian Red Band]

I wouldn't recommend.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

I don't want to get mugged.

[Redband]

Get bear spray is better, though.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

Okay.

[Brian Red Band]

Red band walks around with bear spray just in case if he wants to freshen his breath a little bit. All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Remington Blake Windsor, I find you so intriguing.

[Brian Red Band]

I beg you to sign up again and show us another minute. Here's the big joke book, my friend. Thank you so much. One more time for a joke writer, a joke teller. Remington Blake Windsor, everybody. Yeah. All right, everybody. We are going to switch things over to a golden ticket winner. Now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The.

[Brian Red Band]

This isn't just any golden ticket winner. This is a very compelling one. I gave this guy a golden ticket based on the fact that he was funnier in his interview than he was during his set. And almost every answer he gave was hilarious. He. It's a work in progress. This isn't one of those. He was unbelievably hilarious and so Tony gave him a golden ticket. This is a young comedian that I think over over the years is going to grow into something special or end up a news headline somewhere. Make some noise for him. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the long awaited return. His first ever golden ticket cash in. The second time ever on the show. Make some noise for Angel Diaz, everybody. Here we go.

[Angel Diaz]

Hell, yeah. Keep it going for Q to yeah. All right. So I have a serious question for Everyone involved in this situation right now. Who here likes anime? Yeah, fuck anime. Honestly, that shit is fucking gay. Like, honestly, the people who watch anime try so hard to convince you to watch it, too, that, you know, honestly, it feels like I'm about to go jerk somebody off while watching it, you know? Like, it got to the point where, like. Like, the people who. I don't know, man. Like, it kind of throws me off, like, this whole anime thing. Like, the other day, my friend was like, yo, angel, we should do a couple of bumps of ketamine and go watch anime. And I was like, nigga, do you want me to fuck you in the ass? Like, it got to the point. I don't know, bro. Like, when it comes to this ant, I don't know. Like, the people, like, I don't like the way they draw these women. Like, it's like, yeah, she has big titties. I could see. I can see them jiggling. But there's a fucking back. Like, she's like, oh, she's wearing a backpack.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like,

[Angel Diaz]

There's lockers in the background. Who the fuck is drawing this shit with a hard dick? All right. Yo, my name is Angel Diaz.

[Brian Red Band]

Angel Diaz with another set much like he had last time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But the interview is always very interesting with you, Angel. You're a very compelling character.

[Angel Diaz]

Yeah. Yeah, I am. I'm a good guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How's life been since your last appearance on this show, Tony?

[Angel Diaz]

I've been getting hella pussy everywhere.

[Brian Red Band]

Nice.

[Angel Diaz]

I've been hitting it raw and coming inside all of them.

[Brian Red Band]

Whoa, angel, that's crazy. Why are you doing that, Angel Diaz?

[Adam Ray]

Because you might need this soon.

[Angel Diaz]

No, I won't. I'm doing it because it makes me feel good.

[Brian Red Band]

Yes.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah.

[Angel Diaz]

Yo, give it up for hitting it without a condom, actually.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah, absolutely. I completely agree 100%. This crowd is with that. This is the crowd. The angriest they've been all night is when a guy on stage holding that microphone said that he doesn't eat pussy.

[Angel Diaz]

Oh, hell, no. Yo, yo, yo. Honestly, I make my girlfriend come every time.

[Brian Red Band]

How do you do it, Angel? How do you do it? What's your method?

[Angel Diaz]

All right, so sometimes. All right, so I start off with. All right, so I start off eating her vagina in, like, like, kind of like a slow way. Do you guys want me to do the facial thing?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes.

[Angel Diaz]

Yeah. Yo, I turn around.

[Brian Red Band]

No, no, don't do it. He almost taste the first.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Like a giant. Go over there.

[Angel Diaz]

He had a fat ass.

[Brian Red Band]

He does have a fat ass.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Brad's got those butter cakes over there.

[Timmy No Breaks]

11 year old fat ass, big juicy tits, backpack.

[Brian Red Band]

Got those cupcakes over there, dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, so, Angel Diaz, back to you. When, when you make your women come, when you do that, what's the next thing that you do right after that? Do you tend to. What do you do? Do you say something? Do you. Do you do something after they. Female ejaculate, if you will. All right, so what do you do?

[Angel Diaz]

All right, when I start eating the vagina. Oh, what was that, sir? Oh, my bad. All right, so when I start eating the vagina, I'd be like, yo, bitch, turn around. And then she does. And then, and then I. And then I just. I just start eating it from the back. And then. And then I put my finger in her asshole while I'm eating it from the back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then you.

[Angel Diaz]

You get it.

[DJ Chaotic]

You.

[Angel Diaz]

You were too excited, actually.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then what? And then what do you do, angel, after you put the finger in?

[Brian Red Band]

Our senior straight correspondent D. Madness is here. Famously homophobic, but when someone's eating a girl's from the backside, throwing a finger in her ass, he comes back from the bathroom immediately.

[Angel Diaz]

Oh, oh. You wanted me to know what I do when you said you just leave

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

the finger in there.

[Angel Diaz]

All right, so I. I put the finger in there and then I wiggle it around a little bit and then. All right, so like, to the point where it's like I can touch like my own finger through the vagina.

[Brian Red Band]

Ah, very good. The old telepathic alien touch. We all know that maneuver.

[Angel Diaz]

That's how I know I'm doing it. Good. You know, like once I feel my own finger.

[Brian Red Band]

That's right. Absolutely.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Angel.

[Brian Red Band]

You're doing very good right now,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Angel.

[Brian Red Band]

What else have you been doing?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You have any other hobbies that we don't know about that we didn't find out about last time you were on this show? Hobbies.

[Angel Diaz]

Not. Oh, not. Not really. Yo, but I got hit by a car like two days ago.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, that happens to some of the

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

best comedians in the world. Happened to Sam Kinison.

[Brian Red Band]

Happened to Roseanne Barr. Happened to Brad Williams four times. Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, well, I mean, makes sense.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Those were black guys. I was a guard.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, amazing.

[Adam Ray]

Backed up over me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Okay, so tell us about this car hitting you, Angel. What were you running from at the time, yo?

[Angel Diaz]

Oh, actually, yo, I wasn't even running. It was just like, all right, so the lady was Asian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, we know.

[Angel Diaz]

Guys, slow down. Like, it was all right, so, like, all right, like, I'm not Like a. Like a racist guy or anything. So pretty much I. Right, I get hit by the car, and then I said, yo, you don't see. And then I realized that she was Asian. I was like, you know what? Forget it. Actually, I didn't see. My bad.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, my God.

[Adam Ray]

It was a kamakazi mission.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Angel Diaz. So you're back in New York. That's where you live full time?

[Angel Diaz]

Yep, born and raised.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What's going on out there? You have. Having fun out there? What's shaking you get.

[Angel Diaz]

You said was. It was. It was shaken out there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. What's going on out there? Well, I don't know the terminology that you kids, but, like, what's happening?

[Angel Diaz]

Okay, all right. So what's happening right now in New York?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Angel Diaz]

All right, let me think. All right, let me think. Right. Let me actually give this, like, a good thought.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you think about this new

[Brian Red Band]

mayor momdani that you guys have?

[Angel Diaz]

Oh, okay, okay. I actually have a lot of things about to say about this guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, great.

[Angel Diaz]

Yo, Mandami, I'm not going to lie. You know what threw me off about him? It was just like, all right, his heart was in the right place. I'm gonna start off with saying that, but ain't no way you could actually make that stuff happen. This said the bus is free. Like, bro, like, you guys are paying taxes. Who is this? And then like, I don't know, like, yo, yo, fuck, Monda. No, I couldn't say. I can't say that because I might have to. I might have to see this guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, you're not gonna see him. By the way, just to. Just to point out a. A crazy, fun fact, you said that you can't make the bus free. People have to pay taxes. And somehow you, Angel Diaz, make more economic sense than he does. The mayor of New York, even you, who thinks anime is shaking tits with

[Brian Red Band]

backpacks and lockers and hits it from

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

the back or eats, puts you on the back and feels your own finger.

[Brian Red Band]

And that's when you know you did a good job.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know that economically it doesn't work to lower taxes and give out the bus for free. You know that that's impossible. Isn't that incredible that you know that and the new mayor doesn't know that, and the majority of New York voted for him.

[Angel Diaz]

Guys, I'm going to start this off by saying I'm running for fucking mayor of New York.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, my God. Yeah.

[Angel Diaz]

Yeah, I'm running. I don't know where. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You could actually win. You could. You actually have a chance. All right, Anything else crazy happening in your life? Angel Diaz.

[Angel Diaz]

All right, let me see. Oh, in Austin, yo, I've been staying with this one chick that, like, does only fans. And I, like, I slept on her floor last night and. Yo, guys, I'm gonna start this off by saying I'm not hitting that. And I don't. I don't want to. Like, the other day she was like, yo, Angel, I'm gonna go and give this guy a foot job. But the way she said it sounded like she was about to go pick up some fucking change or some bullshit. Like, it was. I don't know. Like, that's what I've been up to here. I've been staying with this onlyfans shorty, and I've been trying so hard to not hit that. Like, it got to the point where it's like, I feel like, yeah, she is trying to trick me into hitting that. But nah, I'm not hitting that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why aren't you hitting that?

[Angel Diaz]

Because she's. Oh, damn. I shouldn't say this now.

[Redband]

Oh, what's your screen name?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hold on.

[Brian Red Band]

Red Band. Jesus fucking Christ.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

When I ask a question, guys, let the fucking person try to answer for a second. Go ahead. Why would you not hit it with an. Only fans?

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah, why would you not hit it?

[Angel Diaz]

I'll tell you right now.

[Brian Red Band]

It's.

[Angel Diaz]

Cause, like, if I do hit, then, like, this girl knows what my penis looks like, and I like, it's gonna make me. I don't. I don't.

[Daisuke]

I just.

[Angel Diaz]

I just don't. I just don't want her to. I just. I just don't. I just don't want her to, like, to tell nobody, like, what exactly it looks like.

[Redband]

Perfect.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a good answer.

[Timmy No Breaks]

That's not a good answer. What do you. Makes no sense, but good. I like it. I like it. It's fun. It's fun stuff.

[Angel Diaz]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think it's his way of being self deprecating and saying that he doesn't have a penis worth the world knowing about.

[Timmy No Breaks]

How would you know?

[Angel Diaz]

Tony, I will show you my penis right now.

[David Jolly]

I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, I get it.

[Timmy No Breaks]

One riff. I like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, Angel. Very, very great interview as always. We think you're so funny. Thank you for coming back and we'll

[Brian Red Band]

see you again soon. Golden Tick winner. First time, cash in. Angel Diaz.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He'll be back. We're gonna keep it moving. All right, Your next bucket pool.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, Very high expectations off the name make some noise for Ty Funny, everybody. Ty Funny is his last name.

[Ty Funny]

Cut that DJ. Got this pink sweater on. I just left a lesbian baby shower. They were all girls.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Ty Funny]

My cousin, she's like the stud out of the relationship. That was the first time I got to see her, so I ain't know what to say. I was like, damn. Got a nigga pregnant.

[Brian Red Band]

Got a nigga pregnant.

[Ty Funny]

But her and her baby mother beefing, so we not sure if she might be a single mother and father right now. We gonna see. I just got fired from my job for stealing my co worker lunch. Anybody ever steal their co worker lunch before? Just me. I stole my co worker Hot Pocket. Out the microwave, out the sleeve. You ever help somebody look for some shit that you stole? I came out the break room with the Hot Pocket sleeve.

[Brian Red Band]

Like, yo nigga stealing Hot Pockets. Now just go leave a sleeve.

[Ty Funny]

Thank you.

[Brian Red Band]

That's why I said funny. Good minute. Is that a true story?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You really steal the Hot Pocket or it's just a joke, right?

[Ty Funny]

I really stole the Hot Pocket.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my God. What job was this at? What kind of job was it?

[Ty Funny]

This was at the YMCA when I was aquatic director.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my. Amazing. What exactly were you doing at the ymca?

[Ty Funny]

I'm a. I was aquatic director.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were the aquatic director? You were?

[Brian Red Band]

No way, dude.

[Ty Funny]

I can swim better than everybody up here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you serious? Dead ass.

[Ty Funny]

I used to train with Michael Phelps. I'm from Baltimore.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You trained with Michael Phelps?

[Adam Ray]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Holy.

[Adam Ray]

That is like me being the basketball coach.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Or me being Jewish, you know, it's

[Brian Red Band]

like me being the how to make a woman have an Orgasm coach. Am I right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm sorry.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Being skinny. I actually. I noticed something. You didn't say the M word at all. Did you want to do well or not?

[Michael K]

Really

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

welcome to the show type. Funny. How long you been on stand up?

[Ty Funny]

I've been knowing it for about 10 years.

[Daisuke]

Years?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

10 years. All of it in the Baltimore area?

[Ty Funny]

Baltimore? A little bit. Atlanta, New York. I've traveled. I've been here before.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. You. How long ago were you were on the show before or in Austin?

[Ty Funny]

So I was on. Did the open mic on the other side.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

On the. At the mothership?

[Angel Diaz]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice.

[Brian Red Band]

Awesome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So 10 years. You're kind of going around everywhere. Where are you based out of? New York right now?

[Ty Funny]

Austin, Texas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, nice. How long have you lived here?

[Ty Funny]

I just moved down here probably last year here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sweet. Fantastic. How you making money here?

[Ty Funny]

I drive trucks. Right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're a truck driver?

[Adam Ray]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Amazing. What. What type of freight are you pulling?

[Ty Funny]

Food.

[Will Hunsinger]

Food?

[Ty Funny]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. How many Hot Pockets are you stealing?

[Ty Funny]

At least 80,000.

[Brian Red Band]

The load's coming in a little light.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. Ty, take us through some interesting fun facts about being a truck driver because we. None of us can really even imagine. We just see you guys. I do a thing where I try to make you honk.

[Brian Red Band]

Do you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you respond to people that do that?

[Ty Funny]

Adults. For the kids. For the kids, for sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Everybody always says that for me. He would do it for me.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah, you would trick them. You trick them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You do the thing.

[Brian Red Band]

You cover up your facial hair and then just go like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I get. I have an unbelievable ratio. I'm sure some of my friends up in the balcony that maybe are watching and can attest to this. But a little fun fact about me, you get me sitting shotgun in your car, I go non stop. Red Band knows this. We've traveled. We've traveled the country all around back when we used to have to drive from gig to gig like absolute animals. Like we paid our dues in any way. In any matter. I have a very high ratio. You don't think you would honk if a guy like me was like, please, please, come on, sir, please.

[Ty Funny]

Only if you had kids in the back and I was still kind of

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

looking juices for you, Tony.

[Brian Red Band]

They do look at me a little

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

suspicious sometimes when they do it in that one glimpse.

[Timmy No Breaks]

You're giving roadhead to Red Band while you're doing it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, I'm giving roadhead to Red Band while I'm doing it.

[Brian Red Band]

Timmy, one note, everybody. Timmy, one note. Hard at work over here.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Y. Well, he's gay, so I don't know what else to do. Doesn't give me a lot of stuff to work with.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's very hard to do.

[Brian Red Band]

Fun fact. I never let Red Band drive a single mile on any of our road trips. Correct.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

In fact, I don't think I let anybody drive. No.

[Redband]

He was always in control of everything that we ever did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Correct. Okay, very good.

[Brian Red Band]

Ty, what do you think is the

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

blackest thing about you? Knowing that you're. That you've had a job as an aquatic director and can swim better than anybody on stage, which is definitely the whitest thing about you. What do you think is the blackest thing about you, other than the fact that you stole a hot Pocket once?

[Ty Funny]

I don't know. I think I'm. The blackest thing is that we probably. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You run late sometimes.

[Ty Funny]

I mean, yeah, for sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. That'll work.

[Ty Funny]

We can start there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So there's a lot.

[Ty Funny]

And I smoke Newports.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go.

[Brian Red Band]

Perfect.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. Shout out to Newports, official sponsor of Kill Tony. I love it. What's your preferred type of woman right now? What are you into right now?

[Ty Funny]

Anything that's a girl right now? I have this problem on dating sites where, like, I was talking to this badass trans nigga for, like, three days. He was a bad. He was a bad bitch. He was a bad bitch. The nigga was a bad bitch.

[Brian Red Band]

Take us through this process step by step.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you immediately know it was a trans. Like when?

[Michael K]

Oh, she.

[Brian Red Band]

She sent me some titty pictures.

[Ty Funny]

So I sent him back a dick pic.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, yeah.

[Ty Funny]

Then he sent me a dick pig. Now I got a nude floating around the LGBT community.

[Redband]

Did you swim away or anything? Like what?

[Brian Red Band]

Amazing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is so funny, Ty. Yeah, when a chick sends you a dick pic, that's no bueno, dude.

[Ty Funny]

No bueno. No bueno.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Amazing. And how about here in Austin? Are you doing good with the ladies or whatever here in Austin?

[Ty Funny]

I mean, I'm just getting settled in, so we'll see. Absolutely, I'm sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's your living situation? You living by yourself?

[Bobby Ludlum]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice little studio apartment?

[Ty Funny]

You know it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And what's the craziest thing? If we were to open your refrigerator door right now, what would be the weirdest thing that we would find in it?

[Ty Funny]

Probably that trans man that I was.

[Brian Red Band]

You are so funny, Ty. You really are. You really are a funny guy. Welcome to the Kill Tony universe. Here's a big joke book. Sign up again, come back, Ty. Sign up again and come back see us again. We want another minute from. One more time for Ty Funny, everybody. Here's another bucket pool. Everybody.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We are coming around the corner. This should be about it.

[Brian Red Band]

Make some noise for Bobby Ludom, everyone.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Bobby Lum.

[Brian Red Band]

What's up?

[Bobby Ludlum]

Austin, Texas. How the hell are ya? My name is Bobby Ludlum. That's a first of Bobby and a last A Lincoln, Union, Delta, Lima, Alpha, Mary. If any of you are fucking cops out there. I moved here from California because in California you have to suck dick for stage time. At least that's what I thought. Boy, was I embarrassed. I was trying polyamory, which is Latin for lonely. On Friday night, I tried to get my girlfriend to have sex with me in the public restroom. You know, the family restroom at the public pool. And she said, no. What if we get caught? And I told her, don't worry, I'll Just tell him you're my sister. I only play tag with non binary so I can call them it bedtime. Must be a confusing time for the parents of a trans lad. When do you stop tucking him in? I drew an extremely detailed picture of Israel after a drone strike. And I accidentally invented a new form of art called Hyper Israelism. I don't always wear a watch. If I want to know what time it is, I pull out my cock and someone says, hey, your cock's out. And it's three o' clock in the afternoon. And I go, thank you very much, Bobby Ludlow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing thing, Bobby, where are you from?

[Bobby Ludlum]

From California, Tony. Pomona, California.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very funny. I love it. How about the accent? Where's that from?

[Bobby Ludlum]

I just picked it up when I was working at Costco recently to mess

[Brian Red Band]

with the people, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very funny.

[Bobby Ludlum]

Thank you very much. Appreciate you guys. True fan of the show here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, nice.

[Brian Red Band]

Hell yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome, welcome. So, Bobby, how long you been on stand up?

[Bobby Ludlum]

I've been doing stand up almost five years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Five years.

[Bobby Ludlum]

Slipped right back into it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that happens. That Costco will get you. Seriously, where you from?

[Bobby Ludlum]

Pomona, California.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, but how do you have that accent?

[Bobby Ludlum]

I don't. That was just for fun, really. Just part of the show. Tony, I started on your show five years ago in LA day.

[Brian Red Band]

Really?

[Bobby Ludlum]

Yes, sir. Been grinding ever since, trying to do this thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was this during the pandemic?

[Bobby Ludlum]

It was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And it was one where you like sent in a video?

[Bobby Ludlum]

No, I showed up at the Comedy Mother Store.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, the. The Comedy Store, yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

No, I get it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It happens. So this was in the empty main room. Basically.

[Bobby Ludlum]

It was right to a camera for my first time.

[Brian Red Band]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. An empty room for your first time and you've been working hard on it since or.

[Bobby Ludlum]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, the jokes are very, very smart. Not always absolutely hysterical, but you have a very smart brain.

[Bobby Ludlum]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes. Timmy, no bricks.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah. So you were doing an accent. Right. It just drives me crazy when people do a character. Just pee yourself, you know? Fucking cut it out. Pee yourself. What are you doing? You don't need a fucking character in order to blow up a guilt up.

[Bobby Ludlum]

Five years ago, Tony said the same thing. He said, start writing from the heart. You look like a crackhead. Write like one.

[Daisuke]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing.

[Bobby Ludlum]

Here we are.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And so you still live in Pomona?

[Bobby Ludlum]

No, I moved to Chicago for a couple years and now I just moved to Austin last week.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Bobby Ludlum]

Been here one week.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. So this is your first time signing up for the show?

[Bobby Ludlum]

I signed up three weeks ago. I Went on a cross country tour with some friends from California to New York and we stopped by here and signed up but didn't get called.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that when you decided to move here or did you already plan on moving?

[Bobby Ludlum]

I'd been planning on moving here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice. And you plan to move here basically to do stand up comedy?

[Bobby Ludlum]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do to make money?

[Bobby Ludlum]

All kinds of things. Right now I got a job on Craigslist as a live in caretaker for a 77 year old man who has Alzheimer's.

[Brian Red Band]

Wow.

[Bobby Ludlum]

And they let me move in with him without even ever meeting me?

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Bobby Ludlum]

Luckily I'm not a psycho.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did they see a picture of you or anything?

[Bobby Ludlum]

I wouldn't have gotten the job.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No. Wow. Are you afraid they might find out about it from this episode? Perhaps someone's watching.

[Bobby Ludlum]

No, they'll be okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. And even if the guy's watching, he's gonna forget about it anyway.

[Brian Red Band]

Yeah. If he tried to call his family

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

and complain about you, they wouldn't believe him anyway. They're like, ah, he's having one of his episodes. He said the guy is a mohawk

[Brian Red Band]

and speaks with an Irish accent.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Amazing. So what's that like? How long have you been with this 77 year old?

[Bobby Ludlum]

So he has delusions and hallucinations. He's. He's claimed that they're hiding drugs under his living room. He told me that the person who was taking care of him before was doing abortions in the bedroom that I'm currently staying in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you, have you've seen any hint of this? Are there any?

[Bobby Ludlum]

A couple nights ago he woke me up with a knife in his hand at three in the morning. And he told me there were three people that broken into the house and they were currently in his bed and that he wanted them out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you go check?

[Bobby Ludlum]

I said, give me the knife. He gave me the knife. I said, I don't want you to fall. I went in, you know, helped him out, checked the bed, checked under the bed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you really are taking care of this guy?

[Bobby Ludlum]

I really am.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They're paying you and you have a

[Bobby Ludlum]

place to stay, so room and board, no pay, but free rent in Austin?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's cool. Is it far from here?

[Bobby Ludlum]

About 25 minutes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. And. All right. So how are you making money?

[Bobby Ludlum]

So I had a gig at Costco doing food samples and they told me it would transfer here, but as soon as I got here, I asked for some availability and they haven't given me anything yet, so I'm currently looking. I Do all kinds of stuff. Construction and.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Should be pretty easy, but you have enough to survive for a little bit.

[Bobby Ludlum]

But, yeah, survive is. Yeah, right. Luckily, it doesn't take much for me. I'm kind of a minimalist. So, yeah, surviving.

[Adam Ray]

Same.

[Bobby Ludlum]

There you go.

[Timmy No Breaks]

What are your. Like, hair gel. Hair gel expenses. Like, how much do you spend on that?

[Bobby Ludlum]

I crush one blue chew up into some water and I spray my head with it. This happens right there.

[Redband]

Blue gold.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We love out here on these streets, just to let you know. All right. So, Bobby, anything else crazy we should know about you? Any special skills or talents or anything like that?

[Bobby Ludlum]

Yeah, tons of weird stuff. I wrote a few of them down. I could beat any person on this stage at a staring contest. Except D Madness, for sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Good point. What else you got?

[Bobby Ludlum]

It took me three years to find out I got shot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ooh, tell us about that.

[Bobby Ludlum]

So I got in trouble a long time ago. I had to go to jail. I went to jail and I got released on my own recognizance to prepare for trial. And the first bit of time I was in jail was pretty uncomfortable. I was pretty broke. And I'd learned one of the things you could do is smuggle things back in with you to jail to make some money. So I got released and I decided to, you know, smuggle drugs back into jail. When I went back in. And as I was getting the intake process, a sergeant came out and he asked the cop who was intaking us if I'd gone through the full body scanner yet. And he said, no, he didn't know how to use it. And the sergeant said, well, time to learn. And they put me through a full body scanner. And the cop said, you ever been shot before? And I thought he meant he was going to shoot me because I was filled with drugs. And I said, no, sir. And he said, all right, I'm calling a detective down to open a case. And I said, why? And he said, what's inside of you? And I almost went, drugs. And he said, you got a bullet in the back of your right kneecap. Did you know that? And I went, what? And he went, have you ever been shot? And I went, oh, yeah, that bullet. Yeah, I got shot. And he said, and you forgot? And I said, yeah. He said, get the fuck back in line. And I get back in line and I'm shaking, like, visibly shaking. And there's this. This gangster dude next to me. He's got LA tattooed on his forehead. But not just the words, the whole skyline of LA tattooed on his forehead. And he goes. He goes, what are you shaking for, dog? You're a gangster. And I went, what? And he went, dude, most people get shot. They brag about it. You got shot and forgot. And I said, and I'm also filled with drugs.

[Brian Red Band]

And he went, what?

[Bobby Ludlum]

We're gonna party when we get in there.

[Remington Blake Windsor]

Hell, yeah.

[Adam Ray]

Let's go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, Bobby, I like your style, man.

[Brian Red Band]

It's incredible that you started on an empty stage during the pandemic during the Comedy Store, and.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And here you are.

[Brian Red Band]

Wasn't on that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Unbelievable. But I like the fact that you wore a Kill Tony shirt and that you're that big of a fan and that you're chasing your dreams. So here's a big joke book.

[Brian Red Band]

Welcome to Austin, Texas, Bobby.

[Ty Funny]

Thanks.

[Brian Red Band]

Love them, everybody. All right. One last bucket poll. We're going into overtime. Is that okay with you guys? You guys still having fun out there? We're going to extend it a little bit longer because why the not make some noise for Will Hunsinger, everybody. Will Hun Singer. Here we go.

[Will Hunsinger]

Feels good to be here, man. I love doing this. It's my favorite part of my night. Every night. Just going to perform for you guys. I still got my day job and everything. My. My day job. I'm an engineer. I. I got my degree in aerospace engineering, which is not what you want to hear right now. I know that because you don't want someone working on airplanes who has other dreams. You understand? That's why we told too many kids they can, like, be anything when they grow up. You know what I mean? That's why the doors were flying off

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

at Boeing,

[Will Hunsinger]

because somewhere the door guy

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

just wanted to dance.

[Will Hunsinger]

You know what I'm saying? You don't want dreamers making airplanes, all right? Right. You want autism making airplanes. That's. You want the type of guy when, like, his peas touch his mashed potatoes, he freaks out. Like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just like, everything must be symmetrical.

[Will Hunsinger]

And you're like, good, Tyler, good. Okay, calm down. Give him more Pokemon cards. We're paying him in Pokemon cards. We gave him a charizard last week. He finished the whole fucking plane. This kid's incredible. All right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, funny.

[Brian Red Band]

Will Huntinger. Have you been on this show before, Will? I have, yeah.

[Will Hunsinger]

About a year ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome back, Will. How are you?

[Will Hunsinger]

Feels good. It's good. I don't know. Last time I was my pants, so this feels better. I'm happy, this one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, tell us about the difference between last time and this time.

[Will Hunsinger]

Well, last time I was, like, in a relationship, and you Start pressing me on sexual right away. And I was like, I don't want to embarrass anybody. And now I'm single, so I'm just like, it. Who cares?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Great.

[Will Hunsinger]

It was like a weird spot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what were you afraid to answer last time?

[Brian Red Band]

I don't really.

[Will Hunsinger]

I think you were asking me, like, bad sexual stories, and I was just like, I don't want to say this in front of 3 million people.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So go ahead. What are they now?

[Will Hunsinger]

Oh, God. It's been. It's been weird, man. I'll be on, like, the breakup. Like, we split up like a couple months ago, and it was like, not a good one. Like, because. Because, like, sometimes you gotta have a breakup and you're like, hell, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, we've all been in that breakup. And other times during the breakup where you're like, man, I'm gonna watch Saving Private Ryan all night tonight. Like, that's so. It's just been sad, weird, you know? Like, we were in Tampa the other week. I was doing shows out there and there's a lot of swingers out there. And this couple came up to me after and they were like, my husband. This woman was like, my husband likes to watch. Like, would you be interested in that? And I was like, yeah, he's about to watch me cry in your arms tonight.

[Brian Red Band]

I'm not.

[Will Hunsinger]

I'm not down for this shit, dude. I'm not ready. I was like, if you could just sit in that chair and tell me he's proud of me, that would be way. I just need a hug, dude. I'm good. I'm not. Dude, Shout out Bluechew, man. It works for coke, dick and depression. Did you know that? It's had my back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Bluechew gold actually does. It has things that. That affect your mental health that make you make feel better. It is true.

[Will Hunsinger]

Yeah, it's been.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Will, what else is going on in life?

[Will Hunsinger]

Yeah, I mean, it's been weird running around Austin. I've been out here for like a year and a half. Comedy's going good. We've been busy there. You know, I moved here from Vegas and Vegas was fucking nuts. So it's kind of good being.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did you do for a living in Vegas?

[Will Hunsinger]

So I got. I went to school for aerospace engineering. So I worked for like a jet engine company for a little while, and then. And then. Now I work for the city of Austin fucking water department. Got you guys. We're doing our best. It's.

[Timmy No Breaks]

No, that's great.

[Will Hunsinger]

I like, I Like it here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But yeah.

[Will Hunsinger]

Vegas Orchid is a giant dangerous chemical plant that's now been like shut down. And that place was fucking sketchy as shit because it was all like condemned. And it was weird. It was weird because like you'd be in these like giant buildings, these giant like chemical buildings and stuff. And then they'd be like, there'd be a chain link fence through the middle of it and they'd be like, yo, that other half of the building is condemned and radioactive. And I was like, that's a chain link fence. Like, I don't think we're gonna be alright. And then also like, we're on the same roof. So condemned's not great. I don't like this. But yeah, that place was sketchy as fuck. And then I worked for the water department out there for a little while. You just like go inside of pipes and that was cool. And drive robots and. But engineering stuff is, you know, it's cool, you know.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah.

[Redband]

Crazy.

[Adam Ray]

You went inside of pipes. You seem like I'm not suit.

[Will Hunsinger]

Yes, you are more suited for me. Yeah, yeah. We took your work, man. That's my bad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Check in with the great Timmy no breaks here.

[Will Hunsinger]

How you doing, Tim?

[Timmy No Breaks]

Hey. Pretty good. I got a question for you, please. When death comes, will you be ready to go or will you cling to the life because you're terrified you never truly live lived?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perhaps the greatest question in the history

[Brian Red Band]

of the show from the elite super regular Timmy. No breaks.

[Will Hunsinger]

Has he been doing this shit all night?

[Darien Terry]

Is this.

[Will Hunsinger]

Is this just me? Repeat the question please, one more time. Could I have it once more?

[Timmy No Breaks]

Nope, I'm not doing it.

[Brian Red Band]

I think, I think.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I think he accidentally answered it by wanting it a little bit more.

[Will Hunsinger]

I just. I mean, now that I've been in the room with Timmy no Breaks, I feel pretty satisfied. I'll be honest.

[David Jolly]

This is.

[Will Hunsinger]

I feel great being with you. Tim, follow up question.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Any tricks in the bedroom?

[Will Hunsinger]

Yeah, I role play as you. Usually they have me put on the jacket and sunglasses and just talking an accent the whole time.

[Brian Red Band]

Wow, look at that. Look at that. Really? No break.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah. Try masturbating like that.

[Brian Red Band]

That will hun Singer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Anything else crazy we should know about you before letting you go?

[Will Hunsinger]

I mean, I mean, I'm. Like I said, I'm just down bad right now. I wish I had some more crazy. It's been. I saw I had a weird sexual interaction with a girl who didn't shave right and that was weird. That was a few weeks ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us about that. What do you mean didn't shave?

[Brian Red Band]

Right?

[Will Hunsinger]

So like. Cuz.

[David Jolly]

Okay.

[Will Hunsinger]

Cuz she thought like shaving and you know, like she shaved. Like I saw her like it was like a wedding and she was like, oh, you're lucky. Like I shaved just for this. And I was like, that's cool. You know, and then she had. She took off her dress. So she had shaved like it was shave. And then, and then she went up on the. I went to go down on her because I'm a gentleman and.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you.

[Will Hunsinger]

And then she put her legs. But she didn't shave anywhere underneath. Do you get what I'm saying?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ah.

[Will Hunsinger]

Like she thought shaving was just this. She never did like one of these in the shower.

[Adam Ray]

I've never put my leg up on a table either.

[Brian Red Band]

Brad Williams, ladies and gentlemen.

[Will Hunsinger]

So I was down there and like, I wanted to go for it, but like I was. It was looking at like, like a. With mutton chops. Like it was. It was bad, man.

[Ty Funny]

It was weird.

[Will Hunsinger]

I didn't like it. I don't know. Yeah, that. That threw me. I was like, I'm not anybody for a while. I think I'm gonna take a break. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fun times, Will.

[Brian Red Band]

We're gonna keep it moving along. There he goes. Will Hunting, our, ladies and gentlemen. One last bucket pool. What do you guys say, huh? Make some noise for him. Ladies and gentlemen. It is the name that goes by Sean Glaser, everybody. Sean Glazer, everyone. Here we go. I've been on TikTok way too much to the point where I'm just like watching ads all the way through. You don't have to do that. You can just keep scrolling. I saw an ad for a product called Boom Boom Stick. Little chapstick sized tube. It's got smelling salts in it to wake you up before work. Comes in flavors like mint and mango and citrus. Their tagline. It's legal cocaine. I don't know about you guys. I've done illegal cocaine. If it doesn't taste like loose change,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't want it.

[Darien Terry]

Get that blueberry bullshit out of here.

[Brian Red Band]

Do you have a nickel flavored Boom Boom Stick? Saw an ad for a speakeasy. It's a little ironic. I thought there was supposed to be a secret. I feel like Al Capone would be rolling in his grave if he saw these people selling a martini for 20 bucks calling it a vermouth Bader Ginsburg or something gay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sean Glazer. Hey. Hello. How are you? Welcome.

[Brian Red Band]

I'm good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long you been on Standup?

[Brian Red Band]

Four years.

[Timmy No Breaks]

How long you been doing jiu jitsu?

[Will Hunsinger]

About six.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Really?

[Brian Red Band]

No, I just lift.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, there you go. Timmy, follow up question on that since you wanted to start this.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah, he kind of ate it. And I'm not talking about DiGiorno. So,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sean, where are you from?

[David Jolly]

I'm from Des Moines.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice. I love it.

[Will Hunsinger]

Yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

Shout out, Iowa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, there you go.

[Brian Red Band]

Anybody? You live in Austin now? Yeah, I moved down a couple months ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, welcome, welcome. What's something crazy we should know about you? We're in overtime right now.

[Brian Red Band]

Just moving fast. I'm two years sober.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, yeah. Let's get this party started. Dui. All right, there he goes, everybody. Sean Glazer, everyone. Here's a medium joke book. Here you go, buddy.

[David Jolly]

Boom.

[Brian Red Band]

All right. Hey, you get to 780 episodes or whatever. Sometimes you just get to do whatever

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

the you want, you know what I mean?

[Brian Red Band]

All right, Williams. Dealing with a family tragedy. Ari. Maddie is doing sold out shows around the world. Timmy, no Breaks is sitting right here. Dedrick is dealing with a family something. It's all true. Everything I'm saying is true. So to close tonight's show, I decided to go with an old veteran of the game, a true, true legend of the Kill Tony universe, who I'm sure, sure has a rock solid, brand new minute for us here to close us out family style, America's favorite uncle. Make some noise for David Jolly, everybody.

[David Jolly]

How y' all doing tonight? White people in Puerto Rico? Hell, yeah, man. I've been thinking about life lately, man. I've been thinking about my aunt Rose a lot. She was one of my favorite people on earth. She had dementia. Y' all know how dementia work, right? Where they get older? They old, but they living in the best moments of their life. And I talk to my Aunt Rose and she'll say something like, hey, David, you wanna go on a hayride? And I'm like, hey, ride who this bitch went to school with Huckleberry Finn. But the crazy part about dementia is it ain't never gonna change. We gonna be dealing with dementia in 40 years. But can you imagine them kids from today with dementia in 40 years? Somebody Grandma jump up at Thanksgiving, give me a mop and a sock for this wet ass pussy. Grandma, get that BBL out them mashed potatoes. Six, seven, six, seven. Thank y'.

[Angel Diaz]

All.

[David Jolly]

Y' all been a whole bunch of fun, man.

[Brian Red Band]

David Jolly, 55 seconds from David Jolly. Great stuff, David.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Timmy, no breaks.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah. How's SNL going?

[David Jolly]

Hey, I ain't gonna lie, Timmy you my favorite homosexual, man. I swear to God.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Okay, you're gonna regret that.

[David Jolly]

No, I'm not.

[Brian Red Band]

All right.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Yeah, I'm gonna. I'm. I'm gonna call you something.

[David Jolly]

I love you, man.

[Brian Red Band]

You are all right. Whoa, David. How's life going?

[David Jolly]

Good? Life great, man, you know. Got me a new set of teeth on the road every weekend, you know. Got a girl, you know. Life pretty good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Who's this girl?

[David Jolly]

A chick? A girl that's black.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa.

[David Jolly]

I don't know. I mean, I ain't gonna say her name. Relax. My mama live down here, though, remember? You talked to my mama that day on the phone.

[Brian Red Band]

Yes, I did talk to you.

[David Jolly]

Yeah. I moved my mom in with me, so. Yeah, things going pretty good. Moving from Florida, so she can be a little. Little easier on her, you know what I mean? She from Orlando. You know, we from Orlando, but I moved her here around, like, Thanksgiving, so, you know, she just getting on my nerves every day.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, tell us about that. What's Mama doing?

[David Jolly]

Oh, you know, she cooking and cleaning shit up. You know, I usually wash, like, once a week, but every time I come home now, she just washing shit. You know what I mean?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She cooking. What's mom cooking?

[David Jolly]

She is spaghetti. Chicken, you know, chicken. We love that chicken.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is there chicken in the spaghetti?

[David Jolly]

Yeah, sometime together.

[Brian Red Band]

Red pan.

[Redband]

I promise you that was not on purpose.

[Brian Red Band]

In his. In his defense. In his defense, the soundboard is labeled in alphabetical order, and chicken and chimp are right next to each other. I'm looking at it there. Look, they're right. Turn the thing up. I don't know why you pretend like your job's harder than it is. See, they're right next to each other.

[David Jolly]

I ain't even hear that right now.

[Brian Red Band]

Right. Right next to crow and dog.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right?

[Redband]

And your girlfriend.

[Brian Red Band]

He's saying that your girlfriend is a fat black woman.

[David Jolly]

Hey, man, you a fat white man, Red man.

[Brian Red Band]

Oh, hey, R. All right. Okay.

[David Jolly]

We usually friends, Red man. I can't wait to diabetes. Catch up with your ass, you motherfucker. You big fat bitch, you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You wanna be.

[Redband]

You're dating a skinny black woman.

[David Jolly]

Nah, she like a thick one, you know. She ain't fat, though. She can see her feet. Motherfucker. You know what I mean? She ain't that big, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where'd you meet her at?

[David Jolly]

I met her in life.

[Brian Red Band]

I'm just saying.

[David Jolly]

Like, in a store. Like, you know, I just. Just walked up, old school style. No Internet, you know, like, what up, baby girl?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What store was it?

[David Jolly]

Ross?

[Brian Red Band]

My God.

[David Jolly]

You like Ross, man? I love Ross, man. Hell, yeah.

[Ty Funny]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Go ahead.

[Timmy No Breaks]

What's the blackest thing about you?

[David Jolly]

This big old dick. You know the going on. Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Red Band]

Wow. How big is it?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

David, if you had to.

[David Jolly]

Whoa, Tony, you freaky Freddy, you. All right, just.

[Brian Red Band]

Just give us a number, David.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just give us 35 inches.

[Eric Spicely]

Hold on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm trying to. Hold on.

[David Jolly]

Let me find a sound in a while, you know.

[Brian Red Band]

Wait, that's.

[Adam Ray]

That's.

[Brian Red Band]

That's the wrong one. Sorry. Okay. All right, David, Anything else crazy we

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

should know about you before letting you.

[David Jolly]

Not, not, not, not. Not really.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you get that wacky shirt off of. Did you steal that off of a giant teddy bear or something? Like, what is that?

[David Jolly]

I bought this at the Polo Outlet on the clearance rack.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[David Jolly]

I like it. It's a nice shirt, ain't it?

[Timmy No Breaks]

I know what you just said. I didn't understand that I purchased this

[David Jolly]

shirt from the Polo Outlet.

[Timmy No Breaks]

I get it.

[Adam Ray]

I understand.

[Timmy No Breaks]

Thank you.

[Adam Ray]

Crystal clear.

[David Jolly]

All right.

[Brian Red Band]

David Jolly, we love you. Thank you so much. There he goes. David Jolly, we did it. That's an episode of Hilton Tony brought to you by Netflix. The roast of Kevin Hart is out. Kill Tony Mania is out. Get tickets from Madison Square Garden August 7th and 8th, two totally different shows. You can get combo tickets and come to both nights. That's what I would do because if you're. If not, you're not a real fan. Shout out to asphalt 3D one more time. Brad Williams new special live on Short street is on YouTube.com Brad Williams, comedy. Thank you, Brad, for joining us. It's the man, the myth, the legend, Timmy. No Breaks, ladies and gentlemen, biggest and blackest on YouTube. YouTube.com backslash Jimmy.

[Louis Cervantes]

No breaks.

[Brian Red Band]

What a fun episode. Red Band.

[Redband]

I'll be in San Diego July 9th through 11th at the American Comedy Code.com and I love you. I love you, Neo.

[Brian Red Band]

How about one more time for the robot joining us. Playing the tambourine, everybody. All right, let's check in with the art of Chris Rogers over there. Let's see what he drew tonight. Oh, Brad and Timmy. Amazing, amazing stuff.

[Timmy No Breaks]

That's great.

[Brian Red Band]

That looks good. All right, we love you guys. Thank you so much. Good night, everybody.