KILL TONY #776 - BRIAN MOSES + DAVE LANDAU

Summary

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KILL TONY #776 – BRIAN MOSES + DAVE LANDAU (July 14, 2026)

Filmed at The Comedy Mothership, Austin, TX
Hosts: Tony Hinchcliffe & Brian Redban
Guests: Brian Moses & Dave Landau

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Episode Overview

This high-energy episode of Kill Tony features a classic bucket show with Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redban joined by two powerhouse guests: Brian Moses (creator of Roast Battle) and Dave Landau (veteran stand-up). Recorded live at Austin's Comedy Mothership, the show delivers rapid-fire stand-up sets from both new and seasoned comedians, revealing personal stories, savage roast riffs, and unpredictable audience interactions. Notable themes include resilience through adversity, the grind of the comedy life, mental health conversations, and plenty of wild, irreverent humor in true Kill Tony style.

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Key Segments & Highlights

1. Panel & Band Introductions

[01:43–05:00]

• Tony and Redban introduce the Kill Tony Band and hype the crowd.
• Moses and Landau's histories with the show, and a playful back-and-forth about Roast Battle’s origins paralleled with Kill Tony.
• “Both Kill Tony and Roast Battle started in the same tiny room, the attic of The Comedy Store, 13 years ago.” (Tony, 04:25)

2. Chris Waldeck – Golden Ticket Winner

[07:26–17:24]

• First Austin set, recent cancer removal, and navigating dating/love life as an autistic comic.
• “You haven't been in the presence of an autistic gangsta before, if you know what I mean. That’s right. My street name is Not So Slim Nuggets.” (Waldeck, 07:51)
• Self-deprecation, autism facts, and a hilarious “stock market goes down on me” bit.
• Absurd details about surviving a naked Roast Battle: “During the skank fest thing, he looks at me, like, ‘Dude, you got a goddamn hog.’” (Waldeck, 15:36)
• Panel riffs on autism, golden tickets, and personal milestones.

3. James Morris – First Time, 59 Years Old

[18:22–29:27]

• Delivers a one-liner set, then shares a harrowing but inspiring year: a devastating chain of personal losses (broken back, deaths of mother, brother, beloved dog), selling his house, and moving to Austin.
• “They can break your back, but they cannot break your spirit.” (Tony, 26:30)
• Honest discussion about late-life career changes and hopes of writing comedy.

4. Joel Lindley – Comedy Veteran

[32:28–39:06]

• 40-year minor league comic, classic ‘Jackie Robinson’ jokes, and his exploits desegregating love lives.
• Reveals old-school comic hustles, including using a fake $300,000 bank slip as a dating trick.
• “You're the reason why Monkey Pox started!” (Tony, 37:18)

5. Vasquez – First Timer, Costco “Brand Ambassador”

[39:40–47:06]

• Surreal, slightly off-beat set about people-watching at coffee shops.
• Real story unfolds in the interview: Vasquez is not a “brand ambassador” but a Costco sample guy.
• “I give away a lot of free stuff—mostly Costco.” (Vasquez, 43:31)
• Hilarious panel discovery and playful roasting of his job claims.

6. Paul Ciphers – Exterminator/Comedian

[49:09–58:01]

• Smooth set comparing pest control to ICE officers, and a uniquely Texan pest saga.
• Shares grisly stories: “I had to drown a rat to death… rats cling to life quite a bit.”
• Honest about career struggles and being recognized by Kill Tony fans on the job.

7. Trenton Tebow & Sagan Butler – Comic Couple

[58:30–74:07]

• Trenton delivers a standout set on mental health and dating a single mom with four kids; his deadpan: “Thank me for my service, dude.” (61:31)
• Sagan Butler’s minute features parenthood material and sharp political/cultural references (e.g., cocaine/babies/Biden line at 69:07).
• Intimate, honest interviews: Sagan recounts watching a friend die; mutual support in their comedy journeys.

8. Dedrick Flynn – Returning Regular

[74:10–84:58]

• Fresh out of Japanese prison, Flynn slays with stories of autistic friends, Legos, and culture shock.
• Real talk on being incarcerated abroad: “All that time we spend playing with trains, we know how to run some, too.” (16:31, earlier, Waldeck)
• “They ain't got no ramen in Japanese jail!” (Dedrick, 78:29)
• Candid, magnetic, and universally beloved by the panel.

9. Gerard Michaels – Debut, 12-Year Comic

[85:44–92:18]

• Charismatic set on American stereotypes & world perceptions: “America’s amazing…there’s nothing but Bucky’s and ranch dressing!” (Gerard, 85:54)
• Discusses working with veteran support orgs, love of “feverish-looking” Austin women, and trolling bars for single moms.

10. Dorde (George) Kirk Edgic – Houseless Comic from Montenegro

[93:12–102:26]

• Reflects on comedy influences, living in Austin's parks while unemployed and on the margins.
• “I'm a privileged citizen of the United States of America!” (George, 96:18)
• Earnest sharing of his spiritual journey and resilience.
• Riffs on pronunciation of "Montenegro" – “I feel like you didn't even pronounce your own country right there.” (Moses, 95:36)

11. Michael Ridley & Hasan Ahmad – Seasoned Austin Comics

[104:05–119:43]

• Ridley goes meta on media propaganda, deadpan about losing his mullet and truck.
• Hasan delivers sharp, relevant jokes rooted in the latest news: “We’re at war with the Middle East again—which will do wonders for my act.” (Hasan, 110:54)
• Quick pivot to personal: “I had anal for the first time…”
• “How do you stay smelling great?” — Honest advice from Hasan, turning a stereotype on its head.

12. Rodrigo Marin – Young Mexican-American Comic

[120:09–127:21]

• Laid-back jokes about body count, waiting tables, and being called "retard" by customers.
• Tells a childhood bike theft story—grilled by panel for details.
• Playful roasting about “Mexican Pete Davidson” looks.

13. Pat O’Neill – Regular Closer

[128:16–131:50]

• Unflappable, off-kilter jokes about childhood trauma and Michael Jackson impersonators.
• “One time when I was a kid, I walked in on my parents having sex… I thought they might be having sex, I gotta check this out.” (Pat, 128:22)
• Pat’s presence is praised as vital to the show’s tone and closer energy.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “Drowning a rat... turns out it takes a long time. Eventually, I just got bored and started doom scrolling on my phone.”
  — Paul Ciphers, [55:09]
• “They can break your back, but they cannot break your spirit.”
  — Tony Hinchcliffe to James Morris, [26:30]
• “Once you find God, it’s only a beginning... you’re gonna start suffer even more.”
  — Dorde Kirk Edgic (George), [102:02]
• “If you did porn, though, it’d be squirt only. You’d call it ‘Rain Man.’”
  — Brian Moses to Chris Waldeck, [15:54]
• “I thought, ‘how come he’s doing it to me’—I mean, you gotta love it. That is the American dream.”
  — Tony Hinchcliffe, about Hasan Ahmad’s dating exploits, [127:22]
• “At some point you’re just like, let’s Quo—that’s why today’s episode is brought to you by Quo...”
  — Tony satirizing the barrage of sponsor plugs, [29:26], [65:46] (ads skipped in this summary)

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Structure of a Typical Kill Tony Show

• Musical intros & sponsor reads (skipped for brevity)
• Panel & band introductions
• Comedians pulled at random from the bucket do 1 minute of material
• Panel interviews, jokes, and roasts each comic
• Highlights on crowd work, personal stories, and dynamic group riffing
• Special segments for regulars and closing sets

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Overall Episode Tone & Takeaways

• Relentlessly honest, unfiltered, and edgy: Running gags, playful roasts, and wild anecdotes define the episode.
• Focus on resilience: Multiple comics share stories of tragedy, hardship, and redemption—with laughter as their weapon.
• Diverse lineup: Comics at all levels (first timers to 40-year vets) and backgrounds are showcased, including Austin regulars, bucket newcomers, and guests from across the country and world.
• Panel chemistry: Moses and Landau enhance the playful, supportive, and sometimes savage commentary, making for a loose, riotous night.

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Timestamps for Notable Segments

| Segment | Start | Notable Moment | |---------------------------|----------|---------------------------------------------------------------------| | Chris Waldeck | 07:26 | “Not so Slim Nuggets…” – Autism & Naked Roast Battle | | James Morris | 18:22 | Life collapse at age 58, perseverance at 59 | | Joel Lindley | 32:28 | 40-year comic, hustling with fake bank slips | | Vasquez | 39:40 | Costco "brand ambassador" – hilarious unraveling | | Paul Ciphers | 49:22 | Drowning rats, pest control nightmares | | Trenton Tebow/Sagan Butler| 58:30 | Comic couple, single mom of 4, tragic personal story | | Dedrick Flynn | 74:10 | Fresh from Japanese jail, riffing on autism and culture shock | | Gerard Michaels | 85:44 | New Jersey comic, American stereotypes, working with veterans | | Dorde Kirk Edgic | 93:12 | Houseless Montenegrin comic, “finding God” | | Michael Ridley/Hasan Ahmad| 104:05 | Propaganda, losing hair, “female 9/11”, and cross-cultural hygiene | | Rodrigo Marin | 120:09 | Slow-burn jokes, dumped, “Mexican Pete Davidson” | | Pat O’Neill | 128:16 | Bizarre trauma closers, classic deadpan |

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Closing Statements

• Brian Moses: “Check out Roast Battle on YouTube. This might be the most diverse show you can ever see. Everybody’s outstanding on here. You’re the man, Tony.” [132:31]
• Tony Hinchcliffe: “How about much fun did we have tonight, huh? One more time for my good friend Brian Moses… The great Dave Landau… The best band in the land, Redban…” [133:02]

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Kill Tony #776 blends raw, hilarious stand-up debuts with candid interviews that plumb the depths of heartbreak, hustle, and hope. Whether you’re in for the jokes or the deeply human stories beneath, it’s a riotous ride through the heart of contemporary comedy.

Transcript

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[Dave Landau]

Close your eyes.

[Trenton Tebow]

Exhale.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Feel your body relax. And let go of whatever you're carrying today.

[Commercial Announcer]

Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh, my gosh, they're so fast.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And breathe.

[Commercial Announcer]

Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order. 1-800-contact contacts.

[Redban]

Hey, this is Redband and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Death Squad TV, Apple, Spotify, and anywhere you get podcasts. Check out tonyhenchcliff.com for everything. The Golden Pony, Tony Henchcliff. You can also check out Shop Squad TV for Death Squad merch hats, mugs, whatever.

[D Madness]

Shop Squad tv.

[Redban]

And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, this is Redneck coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas. For a brand new episode of Kill Tony Garretoni hit. Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh?

[Gerard Michaels]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yippee. Brian Red Band, ladies and gentlemen, the

[D Madness]

best damn band in the land,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Kill Tony band. Fernando Castillo, Raul Vallejo, Carlos Sosa. Tres Leches on the horns, great Michael Gonzalez. Big Mike on the drums, Matt Muhling on the elect, John D's on the keys. And that is D Madness, live in the flesh, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, my God, we're gonna have so much fucking fun tonight. Are you guys excited or what? Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made tonight's episode possible for you here. Right? Are you guys ready to start tonight's fucking show or what? Two unbelievable guests. They've both been on this show before, won one time, one many times. You guys are in for a treat. Two of my favorite guests in the show's history, Two of my favorite comedians. Make some noise for the great Dave Landau and Brian Moses, everybody. Dave Landau, welcome back. Sit right there. Yeah, I'm gonna keep Mose Moses, you come over Here, Moses, over here. All the way over here. We're going to keep that third seat empty just in case someone crazy swings by later. Who knows? Anything can happen. How about one more time for Dave Landau and Brian Moses? Dave Landow, one of my favorite one time only guests we've ever had on. I'm so glad that you're back for your.

[Dave Landau]

It's good to be back. Thanks for having me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You are a funny guy. You enunciate well. You speak clearly. I'm very excited about that.

[Dave Landau]

Thank you.

[Hasan Ahmad]

I try.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Brian Moses is here. Not the best enunciator. He be from the mean streets of San Diego. So don't let. Don't let the camera colors confuse you. I am blacker than he is.

[Brian Moses]

No, no, there he is.

[Joel Lindley]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Moses is the man. He is the creator and host of Roast Battle. If you've ever seen or heard of a Roast Battle, that was Moses who started that in the Belly Room just months after Kill Tony started. Both Kill Ton and Roast Battle started in the same tiny room, the attic of The Comedy Store, 13 years ago, ladies and gentlemen. Isn't that something? We've done Madison Square Garden and the Intuit Dome and so many giant arenas. The O2 arena in London, we've done giant arenas. And Moses did the. The Belly Room of the Comedy Store. And now they do the main room of the Comedy Store on Tuesdays.

[Sagan Butler]

Wow.

[Brian Moses]

We don't actually. We actually don't do that. We still. We're still in the main.

[D Madness]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Belly, you go.

[Sagan Butler]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I.

[Brian Moses]

Anyway, it's great to be here, Tony. Thanks for having me back. It's your birthday recently.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, our birthday.

[Brian Moses]

We've known each other for 19 years. I've been a week older than you. This is also your. This is your month, right? It's Gay Pride.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, it is.

[D Madness]

That's it.

[Brian Moses]

Good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I was going to surprise you with that after the show. I was going to remind you exactly what month it is.

[Brian Moses]

Yeah, you can give me some of your AIDS medication.

[Hasan Ahmad]

Hello.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Prep. That's what it's called. Isn't that an interesting thing?

[D Madness]

Prep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

The name of an aids. But only if you already have aids, can you take it. Did you know that?

[Redban]

Of course I did, Tony.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, so you guys have done this show before. You guys know how it works. You guys excited to be here? I have a bucket filled with over 200 human beings names. Absolutely anything can happen here. If I pull their name out of the bucket, they get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know, their time is up and you Hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then, or else they're going to bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, ladies and gentlemen. That's right. I'm going to let this guy that definitely stormed the Capitol on January 6, pull the first name out of the bucket. I mean, look at this fucking guy. Holy shit. You look like you would hate Brian Moses if you saw him out on the street. You work in D.C. okay, that. That's it. See what I mean? I fucking nailed it. Was at the Capitol on January 6th. Does hate black people. Let's start tonight's show while we go wrangle that first bucket pool. I have a golden ticket winner here. We're waiting right behind that curtain. But it's not just any golden ticket winner, ladies and gentlemen. This is his first time ever cashing in, which means it's his second time ever on this show, his first time cashing in on his golden ticket that he won in Las Vegas, Nevada, on Netflix. Netflix in partnership with the wwe. He was a magical performer on that night. I barely remember it because I'm so concussed from getting choke slammed through a table by the Undertaker, but he's back, ladies and gentlemen. This is the first new minute of Chris Waldeck, ladies and gentlemen.

[Chris Waldeck]

Oh, what is up, Austin, Texas? I'm excited to be here. I'm excited for coming from Vegas because it's so nice to be in a state that actually has a football team that wins. Sometimes I feel like if you have to cheer for the Raiders, you really can't talk shit about the Cowboys. Honestly. That is all I have to say. Oh, my gosh. But yes, ladies and gentlemen, I know you're probably hearing my voice. You're just thinking, like, you know, finally someone who has voice articulation or enunciation, you know. But the cool thing, ladies and gentlemen, is that, like, you know, you're also probably a little weirded out because you're seeing me on stage. You haven't been in the presence of an autistic gangsta before, if you know what I mean. That's right. My street name is not so Slim Nuggets, as you can probably tell already. By my side. I don't have a very close relationship with women. In fact, I actually have a close relationship with the stock market that I do with most women, because at least the stock market will go down on me. And sometimes return my calls if you left hard.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That last part.

[Chris Waldeck]

Congrats. You got a great credit score. Thank you, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Chris Waldeck is back On Kale. Tony, your first performance was amazing. There's people breaking bottles over their heads. They're so excited. Wow, look at this guy. Look at this tough guy lasted the first 60 seconds of the show before his first pee break. How about a hand for the small bladder award? Winner of the night. Let's let him use the ladies room, everybody. Will you guys open up the ladies room for that young man? I mean, what a absolutely incredible.

[Chris Waldeck]

You're usually the ladies are the ones who run when I'm up here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, there he is. Chris Waldeck. Very good self deprecation. He gets it. I love it. So, hell yeah. Started with some football jokes that were funny. Very. It's very. It's tough to. Tough to get going with football jokes, but you did it. You nailed it. An original take on a bunch of teams that suck. The Raiders and the Cowbo. And then we got into the good stuff. Autistic gangster and the stock market goes down on you. What is your love life like, Chris?

[Chris Waldeck]

Well, I was. I. It's nice to hear my alarm clock again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, man, you are a funny improviser. We've been playing that sound effect for people's sad moments since I think the inception of the show. And no one's ever rolled with it quite like that.

[Chris Waldeck]

Oh, thank you. I appreciate that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're the man. So keep going about this love life situation.

[Chris Waldeck]

Well, it's. It's been going like kind of a little bit better. I did go on one date after the Kill Tony mania thing that went pretty good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But you had a little. A little. A little dame slid into your DMS or something like that.

[Chris Waldeck]

Yeah, yeah, it was kind of like. Just like kind of a brief thing, you know, it didn't really. It didn't really last, but just like at least a fun night, you know?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did you do that night? What is an autistic man like you do with a woman? Where do you take them? What exact calculator factory do you take them to to get those juices flowing?

[Chris Waldeck]

Well, we kissed a little bit and

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

then I kind of, ooh, look at you.

[Chris Waldeck]

But then I kind of put her to sleep because I was talking too much about the movie we were watching.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, what was the movie you were watching?

[Chris Waldeck]

Dream Scenario, ironically.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, I don't know that one. Can you describe. You are. One of your amazing autistic features is that you know a lot about movies. Tell these people about Dream Scenario.

[Chris Waldeck]

Well, Dream Scenario is produced by Ari Aster and the same director made Dream Scenarios. The same guy who also Made that Hereditary.

[Gerard Michaels]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris Waldeck]

Well, yeah, he made Hereditary. And he also produced Sasquatch Mountain and he also directed Midsommar. He directed. Yeah, he directed the. He directed the one with Joaquin Phoenix. I always forget the name off the top of my head, but it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What was it?

[Chris Waldeck]

Can you repeat that real quick? Oh, Bo is afraid.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that was afraid. See, that's what I was talking about

[Chris Waldeck]

earlier was the one I was referring to. Eddington Bow is afraid.

[Hasan Ahmad]

And.

[Chris Waldeck]

Yeah, and then he also produced a lot of stuff like Sasquatch Mountain. He produced this new. This new one. He also produced the. The one with Zendaya Robert Pattinson that just got released. This is the same director as well for that one. So it was like kind of more of a dark comedy, like Nicholas Cage shows up in your dreams. Basically. That's what it was. It's like Nicholas Cage is like a reverse Freddy Krueger. And then things start off well and then they take a very, very dark turn.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I could see why the day went wrong. My pussy just dried up. My pussy's always wet. And you just made my dry up with all that movie knowledge. Brian Moses.

[Chris Waldeck]

Yep. You know what happened?

[Brian Moses]

How many characters does Adam Ray have?

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

This is.

[Brian Moses]

This is like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is one of my favorite ones.

[Brian Moses]

This is Adam Ray playing Steve O. Going through a diabetes battle.

[Chris Waldeck]

I get that every time. Even when my Laugh After Dark clips went out, like, I was still getting. Everyone's like, oh, man, Adam Ray's doing well. I'm like, yeah, I'm honored. I'm honored. He's amazing. But, you know, I'm like, no, not Adam Ray. Chris.

[James Morris]

Walt that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're killing it, Chris. You know, most people, you can't tell they're autistic until you start talking to them. Not you. That shirt. That shirt just comes out guns a blazing. I mean that. Where do you get a shirt like that? Is there like special stores, like, forever autistic or.

[Chris Waldeck]

I. I wish there was a store that was forever autistic, because I'd probably fit in more. In fact, I actually fit in more of the warehouse I work at.

[Gerard Michaels]

Like.

[Chris Waldeck]

Like, they were like, when they actually saw my Kill Tony mania performance. Like, wait, is that. Is it that dude that walks around like a turn signal?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's you. Okay, so all that you got that night were some kisses from that girl.

[Chris Waldeck]

It was fun, though. It's been a while, so it was fun.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perfect. Kisses are fun. Have you kissed a girl ever in Texas before?

[Chris Waldeck]

Actually, yeah, I have.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, well, in that case it myself.

[Chris Waldeck]

God damn.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

See, sometimes these autistic people, little too honest. You were close there, buddy. I love it. So what else is going on in life, Chris? How else is life changed since your last performance or what else is going on?

[Chris Waldeck]

Well, I've been getting a lot more like, you know, just kind of like getting recognized a lot more but like, you know, doing a lot of stuff in my home club, the LA comedy club over in Vegas at the Stratosphere. But also I got my. I got the cancer moving on the

[Michael Ridley]

side of my head.

[Chris Waldeck]

So that's pretty good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice. No more cancer party time. Hell yeah, buddy.

[Chris Waldeck]

Yeah, I actually realized that I'm actually. I actually like going to the doctors more because doctors make me feel less autistic. Oh yeah, because they actually have more worse communication skills than I do.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you mean? Can you give an example of that?

[Chris Waldeck]

Well, I'll just explain what happened when they were taking the cancer out of

[Gerard Michaels]

the side of my head.

[Chris Waldeck]

Like when they were doing that, like the things that they were saying were just like. So like, like when, when, when they were like, you know, when the guy was there, like inside. Cuz I had to be awake the whole time. They just numb me up so I'd be awake while they were like doing the stuff. And the one guy was like, like he was inside there, he's looking at my head, he's like, wait a minute, this isn't a small, this is a medium. And I was like, I was like you. There's only two appropriate times that you can say that. When you fuck up my order McDonald's or when a girl takes my pants off. That's literally appropriate time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Chris Waldeck, you're a funny guy. I love it. Anything else we should cover? Chris, you got the show started for us. Anything else nuts we're missing? What do you think?

[Dave Landau]

Well, I'd like to know, you know, your special needs. Are you working with a nice peppermill cocktail? A nice one, A good sized. We should let the world know. That's usually the benefit is you have to look like you, but you have a nice dick.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We know that. You know, exactly.

[Chris Waldeck]

You're not, you're not gonna believe it, but actually I did find out at Skank Fest, I do have a big dick.

[Trenton Tebow]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

Hell yeah. Let the world know, my friend.

[Chris Waldeck]

I, Yeah, I. It was during my first naked roast battle that I did for Skank Fest. Like my, my, my opponent, he wanted, he wanted me to actually send a picture in advance of like he's just like, see what I was working with, but I'm like, dude, I'm average. Because, like, you know, I watched a lot of porn, so I figured I was just average.

[Dave Landau]

And then the girl started crying, and then.

[Chris Waldeck]

And then, and then, and then, like, we should. When we take our pants down during the skank fest thing, he looks at me. He's like, what the. Dude, you got a goddamn hog.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's what he said.

[Hasan Ahmad]

That's hilarious.

[Chris Waldeck]

Producer from, like, the SK from the Naked Rose, like, walks backstage. He looks at me, he's like, God damn, dude, you got a big dick. And he walks out right before my opponent has to go on stage. I'm like, Like. He's like, God damn, I lost already.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah.

[Brian Moses]

If you did porn, though, it'd be squirt. Only you call it Rain Man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hey, that's genius, Moses. You should guess. Direct.

[Chris Waldeck]

Phenomenal.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is incredible.

[Redban]

You have a huge bush right untrimmed.

[Chris Waldeck]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Dave Landau]

Judging by his neck, it's a train wreck.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's amazing.

[Chris Waldeck]

Well, you know, what's the crazy thing? Since you mentioned that, actually people on the autism spectrum, a lot of people often say that, a lot of them, they often don't know that people on the autism spectrum actually have higher sex drives than most neurotypicals. And it's a real fun fact. And a lot of people are surprised by that. I'm like, I don't know why they're so surprised. All that time that we spend playing with trains, we know how to run some, too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. When you're.

[D Madness]

Boom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, there it is. The trademark.

[Brian Moses]

That's raw autism. That's raw autism.

[Chris Waldeck]

Damn right it is.

[D Madness]

Boom.

[Brian Moses]

Boom.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So I just. I have to ask, because of what just happened here, when you're talking with autistic people, you call us typicals. I've never heard of this before, and for the first time maybe in my life, I'm offended. 42 years it took, and what a storyline it was. An autistic missed a golden ticket winner that ended up stabbing me in the back.

[Chris Waldeck]

Well, I was saying, not knowing that there's neurotypical and atypical is actually kind of an atypical response. You may be on the right track here, honestly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, Tony, holy shit, you are something special. Literally. Chris, congratulations. You got the fucking party started tonight. Welcome, welcome. All the way from Las Vegas, Nevada, his first time in Austin. One more time for Chris Waldeck, ladies and gentlemen. And now to the bucket we go, everybody. The beating heart of the show where we have found everybody. Every regular, every golden ticket Winner. Everybody that's ever bombed, everybody that's ever done good, Everybody that's ever proved their enemies wrong or right. Anything can happen right now. We're gonna meet them all together at once. Your first bucket poll of the night. Doing a minute uninterrupted. Goes by the name of James Morris. James Morris.

[James Morris]

I've been told to make a great first impression. Second impression, not so much. I'm a social arsonist. I burn bridges wherever I go. First, first time.

[Joel Lindley]

Sorry.

[James Morris]

Sorry for Richie. I took your spot. Probably. Okay. This is my impression of Ross Perot doing indecent proposal. Now listen here, Demi. I'm gonna pay you $1 million. Don't worry about me. I have plenty more where that came from. All I want to hear is a giant sucking sound coming from the south. If my life was a movie. Here are some of the titles. Single white male, One angry man. American ugly, scarred face. No country for this man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, James, so you reached the final maximum allotted time. Welcome, welcome. This is your first time on the show, right?

[James Morris]

It's my first time doing anything.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

First time doing anything.

[Joel Lindley]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You gotta love that. I believe you. Get back to the microphone, you fucking serial killer. Get over there. It's the interview portion of the show. They have to hear you. They have to hear you talk here. So, James Morris. Welcome, welcome. How old are you?

[James Morris]

59.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

59. I love it. What made you want to do something as crazy as start stand up comedy here tonight on the biggest show in the industry?

[James Morris]

Short version. Watched it all my life. I could do Eddie Murphy, delirious from start to finish, all that stuff. Mitch Hedberg. But also my one good friend from high school. I still have his little brother is Brian Hersey.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[James Morris]

And I don't know if you know Brian Hersey. He opened for comics like Doug Stanhope and stuff like that before he offed himself. And

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

when was that? When did he kill himself?

[James Morris]

It was about three years ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Three years ago.

[James Morris]

Three years ago. Doug even mentioned him on Rogan's podcast. And I kind of said that he said that I should try it. And I decided it was time because my last year. That's what's going to be interesting to you, is my year 58.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, tell us about it.

[James Morris]

Okay, so year 58 had never had a broken bone, and I broke six bones in my back.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did that happen?

[James Morris]

Falling off a ladder.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What were you doing on that ladder?

[James Morris]

Sawing a tree limb. And here I thought I was smart enough to make sure that the ladder wasn't below the tree. Limb, Right? But then when the tree limb came down the back half hit the. Next thing I know, I'm being woken up by a neighborhood.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Next thing you know, you hear that noise. Then you're being woken up by the neighborhood. What? Cat?

[James Morris]

No, the people doing lawn lines saw me on the ground.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

People doing lines.

[James Morris]

Doing lines.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, got it, Got it.

[Gerard Michaels]

I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know what kind of neighborhood you live in.

[James Morris]

Your hearing isn't great. And I need to talk at the moment.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Those are Mexicans. They're called Mexicans, not people doing lawns. We call them Mexicans. We call them illegal immigrants. That's what we call them. I'm kidding.

[Brian Moses]

Or gardeners and landscapers.

[Chris Waldeck]

Whatever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, well, I mean, somebody's living in Los Angeles right now.

[Rodrigo Marin]

Am I right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This. We call them gardeners, then land landscapers, actually. What is it, Gay Pride Month? You okay? Anyway, that's how he broke his back. My buddy. By the way, I'm friends with black people. See that chunky Chelsea handler? Anyway, still yapping. She's still yapping on podcasts. Twat.

[James Morris]

So I'll go through the rest real quick.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, let's keep going. Six broken bones. Let's talk about your spirit, though.

[Gerard Michaels]

Let's.

[James Morris]

Well, no. I sold my house as is just to get out of it and move on.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then how as is. Was the lighter still up against that tree?

[James Morris]

Joe derosa would be unhappy to hear that I left a lot of Atari 400 stuff sitting in the garage.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, you just gave away Atari stuff?

[James Morris]

Yeah.

[D Madness]

Damn. Why?

[James Morris]

I just. I was ready to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ready to grow up.

[James Morris]

Well, because you got it. Also, it didn't get any better. That was the. That was the easy part. Breaking the bones in my back. When I was traveling with my dog, I get the call that my mom passed away. So I go back to town and get in arguments with my brother and sister on how we're handling and stuff. Stop talking to them. After her memorial, I find out that then my brother passed away.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. This is absolutely incredible.

[James Morris]

Meanwhile, I'm living in a. Living in a motel with my dog.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why were you in a motel? Why would you. You sell your house and Atari 400 as is and go straight to a

[Brian Moses]

motel with your dog Because Greg Popovich, the head coach of the San Antonio spurs, had a stroke. And this is how far he's fallen right now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's amazing. You do look like great Greg Popovich. Do you know who that is?

[Dave Landau]

I thought he was Jerry Sandusky.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, breaking backs do you know who Greg Po Popovich is?

[James Morris]

Yeah, I know he is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[James Morris]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, so keep going. Tell us more about this horrific year.

[James Morris]

So I'm staying in the motel because I'm trying to stay local, but I can't. My sister is like a worse version of me because I'm self aware of how bad I am. She's not self aware at all. So everything's an argument and everything's disaster, of course. So I'm trying to stay there just to support and stuff. And also, my brother's memorial got put away. Past pushback because. How did your brother die from. I don't know if it's brain cancer or if it's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Give me that air horn one more time.

[Redban]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's okay.

[James Morris]

He had cancer in his sinuses.

[Redban]

I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so then what happened? You were saying that your sister.

[Commercial Announcer]

This.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That what?

[James Morris]

Well, no, it's just that that's where I was staying, in the motel. And also with my dog. And then while I'm waiting for my brother's memorial.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Don't you say something happened to this fucking dog.

[James Morris]

My dog died.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Give me some dog noises. Give me some fucking dog noises right now.

[Redban]

Red band.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Come on, give it to me. There he is. We actually have a program or deal. We have a Netflix where we can communicate with your dog up in heaven right now. This is. He's very sad. I don't know if you hear him.

[Hasan Ahmad]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm just kidding.

[James Morris]

It makes people feel any better. She was a 12 year old great Dane, so she was probably one of the oldest Great Danes in the world.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[James Morris]

And so. And then my final. So before my 59th birthday, two days before my 59th birthday was my brother's memorial. And then my first Mother's Day without my mom. And then my birthday, and then I moved to Austin.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Holy shit. How long have you been in Austin for?

[James Morris]

About a month.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Dave Landau]

Why don't you write a country song?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I swear my cousin that was came

[James Morris]

down to visit for my brother's memorial said that it should be that year, should be a country song. And I said, yeah, I would call it 58.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, when I was 58, it was a really bad year.

[James Morris]

I don't even like country music, but I get it now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you are that guy. That is incredible. So let's talk about some positive things. How has your life improved lately? Has it. Did you get another dog? Anything?

[James Morris]

No, no, no. I don't want another dog.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what have you been doing how do you fill the void that you lost by breaking your back, losing your mom, losing your brother and your dog all of in the same year? Because I see a smile on your face.

[James Morris]

Well, that's the crazy part is that I am. I'm. I could be considered nuts. I mean, I've had lifetime depression. I've been. I've been given medication before and stuff like that, and I still survive and everything like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Are you on the medication?

[James Morris]

No, no, I don't like medication.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They can break your back, but they cannot break your spirit.

[James Morris]

No, I probably have diabetes and I don't even go to doctor. I just went into keto because I wanted to stay away from doctors.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it.

[Brian Moses]

This is like Austin Bick Lebowski. This is.

[James Morris]

I was 250 pound three months ago or three years ago, and I'm 170 pounds now. I was 135 when I graduated high school.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You were tall and skinny, huh?

[James Morris]

Oh, that's the skinniest. I was a stick boy.

[Paul Ciphers]

That's good.

[Brian Moses]

Was that before or after integration? How old are you again?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

59.

[James Morris]

59.

[Brian Moses]

Okay. Happy Juneteenth.

[D Madness]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, James, how long have you been preparing for this Kill Tony appearance?

[James Morris]

Well, I wouldn't say I'm pretty lazy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, no, we know you wrote a Ross Perot indecent proposal joke. I mean, that is. I believe that's a 1991 ish reference. Maybe 90. Don't think 92.

[James Morris]

There was supposed to be an intro to that. I didn't even want to use it because. But I started to forget some of the one liners that. Because Mitch Hedberg.

[D Madness]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

You don't want to use your name material your first time?

[James Morris]

No, I mean, I was going to sit there and say, hey, you know, I'm going to try to keep it real for all you. I know your younger crowd. And then go into that knowing that it was an old thing.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But what do you do for. How do you make money?

[James Morris]

Well, that's the thing. When I sold the house as is, I was able to sell. I sold it for 50,000 more than what I owed on it. So. So I've been living off of that hell.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. And you.

[Dave Landau]

Do you have any plasma left?

[James Morris]

I actually had looked into doing plasma and I found out that if they injure you that they don't pay anything.

[Dave Landau]

If they hurt you, you don't get money.

[Hasan Ahmad]

Yeah.

[James Morris]

If you seriously hurt you and have to get hospitalized from the plasma withdrawal,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

that and knowing stuck, knowing your luck, you would have a Serious issue in there. Everybody dies. They don't know why.

[James Morris]

I feel guilty that I was the first one called up because the guy Richie next to me was sitting there going, yeah, I've been doing this for a long time. You're probably going to get picked first because everybody I talk to gets picked.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Yeah. Today's the day that your bad luck turned around. You were the first bucket pole. You can thank this meathead right here in the front row. I let pull it. I should have done it myself. This guy does not look like he has a magical touch at all.

[James Morris]

Can I ask advice for you?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely.

[James Morris]

So I know it's way late in life to. To build a big standup career or whatever, but is it still too late for me to be just a writer and help out other people?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You can literally do whatever you want. If you take chances and have fun and you love it. If you love it, if you love open mics and going out and being around a bunch of psychos. You can do fucking anything, buddy. You can be a stand up a writer, whatever the hell you want to be.

[D Madness]

Be.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You could fucking be an Atari 400. Wait, well, you actually, you can't do that anymore because you sold the fucking Atari, dude. But no, you can literally do whatever you want. It's never too late.

[James Morris]

I'm a gamer, so that's why I kill my time is I do gaming. But that's boring, so I don't really talk about it.

[Joel Lindley]

You're perfect.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I wish fucking the other bucket pools would always ignore the gaming thing. You covered your trauma and your fucking. You have a great story. The set for a first time wasn't that bad. So you're leaving with a big joke book, buddy. Congratulations. Our first bucket poll of the night, ladies and gentlemen. That's James Morris. A little story. You can break his bones, you can break his heart, but you cannot break his spirit. 59. Chasing his dreams. Oh, the lovely Heidi is here, ladies and gentlemen. Live in the flesh. More beautiful in person than on YouTube, believe it or not. Hello there. You know that moment where you text your whole team, hey, did anyone follow up with that guy? And you get silence. Tumbleweeds. One thumbs up emoji. Two hours later. Meanwhile, the customer has already moved on, gotten married, started a new business and retired. At some point you're just like, let's quo. That's why today's episode is brought to you by Quo, spelled Q U O. The business phone system built so you never miss a call. You know who I know that never misses a Call. He's always awake, ready and a hard worker. Red Ban who?

[Paul Ciphers]

Me.

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[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Quo's built in AI agent handles after hours calls, answers questions and even books appointments so you never miss a lead even when your team is offline. Is the number one rated business phone system on G2. Quo is trusted by over 90000 businesses that already rely on it to stay reachable and look professional every day day money is on the line anyways. Say hello with Quo. Try quo for free plus get 20 off your first six months when you go to quo.com quel Tony that's Q-U-O.com

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[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Make swings to your next bucket poll, ladies and gentlemen. He goes by the name of Joel Lindley. Everyone, here comes Joel.

[Joel Lindley]

That's right. I am a civil rights activist. I go all over our great country. I meet black women who've never been with white men before and I desegregate that pussy. I have a dream. I love black women. I'm dating a beautiful Nigerian woman I met on only scams. Her father's the king of Nigeria. Yeah, he's on his deathbed and she doesn't have have any cousins or even brothers. So believe it or not, I'm next in line for the throne. My first girlfriend, half black, half white. She worked part time, Showed up late every other day. I love all people. I actually dated a girl, she was a Hindu Indian. She had that red dot on her forehead. I love that woman. I actually went to India to meet her family. But I got arrested at the border trying to smuggle in deodorant.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Joel Lindley. Pushing it all the way to the limit there. Good set. Joel, welcome, welcome. Amazing. How long you been doing stand up?

[Joel Lindley]

40 years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No way. Believable.

[Joel Lindley]

I've been toiling in the minor leagues.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old are you?

[Joel Lindley]

I am 59 years old.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Two 59 year olds back to back. Ladies and gentlemen. Do you believe in miracles? If you bet $1 on that, that would happen on prize picks. You would have won $75 million. It is the first time we've ever had two 59 year olds back to back to start the bucket. The other guy has been doing it zero years. He just started for the first time. Where did you start 40 years ago?

[Joel Lindley]

I started in Rochester, New York, my hometown of Rochester, New York, for a place called. It's called Yucky. Onto the funny Bone. Then I moved to Los Angeles and then New York and then I've kind of been career minor league.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What years were you in LA?

[Joel Lindley]

I was in LA from about 1996 to maybe 2003.

[Dave Landau]

Okay.

[Joel Lindley]

And I worked all over LA. I got jobs writing for friends of mine who got development deals, but they didn't go anywhere. And then I just took off with people who brought me as a feature and I went on a bunch of tours.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's check in with Brian Moses.

[Brian Moses]

No, I'm just. I love the set. I'm just. I'm excited to meet white Jackie Robinson. D, Nigga J. Pussy. Breaking color barriers, breaking timing barriers all over the place.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It isn't.

[Joel Lindley]

That's the tagline. I didn't think I had time with it. Yeah, I'll be the Jackie Robbins in your vagina. Batter up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yeah. You got it, dude.

[Brian Moses]

I like that dream thing too. Maybe the tag should be after you say like I have a dream. It's a wet dream.

[Joel Lindley]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Joel Lindley. So is it true you're. You have a thing for black women?

[Joel Lindley]

I do. I have. I love all women. Beautiful women, black women. Black women when I was growing up were the only ones that were up past 9 o'. Clock. We didn't have a shot at the white girls.

[Brian Moses]

They've got white guys to rob. What are you talking about?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. Incredible.

[Joel Lindley]

I love all women though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I do check in with the great Dave Landau.

[Dave Landau]

I don't know if I'm allowed to share this, but it was before.

[Brian Moses]

Please do.

[Joel Lindley]

Please do. I'm sure it's a fun.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah. I had opened for you, I think in Pennsylvania.

[Joel Lindley]

That's right.

[Dave Landau]

And yeah, this is a long time ago, but I remember you had a trick with women where you had a receipt that said $300,000 from your bank account.

[Joel Lindley]

Fake bank receipts.

[Dave Landau]

See, it was a fake bake receipt and holy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And she.

[Dave Landau]

You would ask for her number and you'd go be like, oh, yeah, let me. Let me give you mine. And then you just write it down the. The $300,000 fake bake.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, I did have that.

[D Madness]

I did have that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, man. My God.

[Brian Moses]

Real scammer. Real scammer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let me tell you, it was gangster.

[Joel Lindley]

I. Oh, I got so much every.

[Dave Landau]

Every night. Every night.

[Joel Lindley]

Well, there's what the trick is. You got. If you have a shitty car like I did, you got to make sure you know the level that you put on there matches. You know, you show up in a burnout Chevy, Ford Fiesta or whatever.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that is.

[Joel Lindley]

You got 300,000.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Old school trickery it is. Well, did you have any of selling them?

[Joel Lindley]

I ended up selling them after my show to make money shirts. I sold DVDs on that to Hustle.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, of course. And what were your other tricks with the ladies? Like if you had that one up your sleeve, which I've never heard of anything quite that crazy.

[Joel Lindley]

Well, I always carry my. A Red Cross donation card.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Joel Lindley]

That way, if she wants me to use a condom, I'm like, no baby Red Cross. I'm good. Look at that. Red Cross, 56 days ago. I don't eat my. Look at that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. You're the reason why Monkey Pox started. That's incredible. He is HIV positive. Yeah, exactly. Incredible. You look great for 59. You're funny as hell. Tell us more about your life.

[D Madness]

Why.

[Joel Lindley]

Why I moved down here. I've been here three weeks. I was supposed to move down with my friend, Mr. John Mulroney, who had a tragic accident, slipped on some ice and fell.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. I heard about that. He passed away, right?

[Joel Lindley]

Yep. He's coming down here too. His good friends with Brian Holtzman.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's how I knew about.

[Joel Lindley]

He was gonna. He was coming down with me. Couldn't make it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, look at you. Here you are absolutely thriving. That's incredible.

[Joel Lindley]

Oh, man, it's like Yankee Stadium.

[Trenton Tebow]

Yeah.

[Joel Lindley]

I mean, for a minor league comic, you're in it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Another reason why You're Jackie Robinson. So I love it. You're here in Austin, the new, you know, fun place to be doing stand up. So you're just really doing it. You have a youthful spirit.

[Joel Lindley]

I'm doing it. Yeah, I have. I work cruise ships, but I made sure I was off every Monday night so I could come back here and get on here.

[D Madness]

Incredible.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely amazing. Well, dude, you're doing it, man. Cup come back, sign up again. Give us another minute. Sometime we want to hear some of your crazy horror stories and road stories and chaos.

[Joel Lindley]

Can I give a shout out to the ladies with low self esteem and good credit?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's all of them, pretty much. Hell yeah.

[Joel Lindley]

Big daddy needs a co signer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. I love it. Nothing easier to find than a black female co signer. Lord knows their credit B banging. I love it. Anything else crazy we should know about you before I get you out of here?

[Joel Lindley]

Performing with the great Quindale. He brings me around some days with me. He's fantastic.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, very funny with him.

[Joel Lindley]

I gotta get him for me here. I'll be every, every Monday night.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell Quinn I want him on panel sometime. Let's do this thing. Here's a big joke book. Come back again soon. Oh, my bad. That was a bad toss. I over. I over, over rotated that. Ladies and gentlemen, the kills. Tony debut of a 40 year comedy veteran, Joel Lindley. Two 59 year olds back to back to start the show. Can we go three 59 year old white men in a row. I highly doubt it as I bring up the one word name of Vasquez. Everybody, here's Vasquez.

[Vasquez]

Hey guys, I just want to say one thing.

[Paul Ciphers]

If you.

[Vasquez]

If you come in to where I'm sitting and you walk in off of the showroom floor with a Harley Davidson and fresh leather gear on and sit in front of me and drink a Frappuccino, then I'm not going to be able to hold my face correctly. I can't be responsible for anything that happens after that. If you sit in front of me and you drink a Frappuccino like you're my ex girlfriend's kid finishing up a Capri sun, then I can't be just my face is gonna do some things and I won't be able to hold. Anyway, let's. On a lighter note, I should have wrote some stuff down. Old people look like fish. I'm gonna keep it light.

[Sagan Butler]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What the was that whole thing like a personal message to one person out there that's gonna get it? Somebody sat in front of you drinking a Frappuccino somewhere. I don't, no one knows what the you were talking about.

[Brian Moses]

It's like a live manifesto that was

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

lit and then you throw in like one good short joke at the end.

[Vasquez]

I tried ride. I didn't even know that was going to be a minute yet. I had one more thing about the

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

person sitting in front of you. That's nuts, dude. Check in with Dave. Land out here. Where's your girlfriend's kid?

[Vasquez]

My ex girlfriend's kid.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Same question.

[Paul Ciphers]

Yeah.

[Joel Lindley]

Where?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Huh?

[Paul Ciphers]

Where?

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

She say he's safe?

[Trenton Tebow]

She.

[Vasquez]

Oregon.

[D Madness]

Oh, yeah?

[Vasquez]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Above ground?

[D Madness]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She an organ donor perhaps? Yeah. I'm not sure that's what this is.

[Dave Landau]

A lot of venom for the way somebody drinks a Capri Sun.

[Redban]

Yeah.

[Joel Lindley]

What?

[Vasquez]

What wasn't the venom against the Capri Sun? It was the guy that came in with the leather gear drinking a Frappuccino at Starbucks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did he do exactly? Why did that bother you?

[Vasquez]

I, I don't know. Why? Because I have ADHD or something.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That might be, I think that's called retardation. Big difference between ADHD and, and wtf, which is what most people were thinking. Okay. Old people look like a fish was funny. Do you have more like that? Do you have other funny things?

[Vasquez]

Yeah, I've had something else to that, but I forgot.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You forgot that? Perfect. What a professional. How long have you been doing standup?

[Vasquez]

First time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right. More things like the joke you did at the end would be my advice. More things that are funny.

[Vasquez]

Noted.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, more of that, that whole thing before, I mean, that was nuts.

[D Madness]

Dude.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long have you been preparing for this? Your first minute ever doing stand up comedy?

[Vasquez]

It's hard to say. Hard to say. Really?

[D Madness]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But there's a lot of things hard to say here. It's a good interview so far. What do you do for work?

[Vasquez]

I'm a brand ambassador for multi million dollar companies. A lot of up and coming starters.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, this is your version of having the three hundred thousand dollar bank deposit slip? Okay, perfect. Sure. We totally believe you.

[Brian Moses]

He's a brand ambassador for Frappuccino. That's what he's here for.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. How long have you been a brand ambassador for multi million dollar companies?

[Vasquez]

Probably a couple years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Probably a couple years. Okay. What exactly does that entail? What did you get on G jets and go.

[Vasquez]

No, no, no. It's, it's not, it's nothing really. It's not a big deal.

[Chris Waldeck]

Really.

[Vasquez]

It's just I, I, I give away a lot of free stuff.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like where?

[Vasquez]

Mostly Costco.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, so we're finding out in real time right now that you work,

[D Madness]

Correct? Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very good. Boy, oh, boy. This show is live and it's real. Let me remind you one more time. I do this a lot sometimes. Every show you've ever seen before this, the host knows what the other person does. They know what they're promoting. They know what they're gonna say. I had to pull that out of you. You thought we were gonna go boom.

[Sagan Butler]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Multi million dollar brand of. Oh, here's a.

[Dave Landau]

What's your love?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Lifelike even. The microphone is jumping off a cliff right now to save itself from the cruel tutelage of the brand ambassador. Vasquez.

[Redban]

That's hilarious.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Microphones like this work at Costco. I'm out of here.

[Brian Moses]

Do they tell you to say that?

[Vasquez]

Sorry?

[Brian Moses]

Do they tell you to say, like you're a brand ambassador, even though you just. You just give out samples of fish sticks?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I gotta tell you, I don't know if it was on purpose, but that is hilarious what you just did.

[Redban]

That's a funny joke.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean, I'm really the one that dug it up. But, you know, it was your lie that started that hilarious order of events.

[Vasquez]

I wouldn't say that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's not a lie. You're right. You're right. Just a no.

[Dave Landau]

Costco is a multi million dollar.

[James Morris]

Yeah.

[Gerard Michaels]

So.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And the brands that he is giving out samples of are most likely multi million dollar. Our brands.

[Dave Landau]

So you're not Michael Penne on bath salts.

[Vasquez]

I'm not sure who that is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, Vasquez, tell us more about your life. Anything else crazy we should know? Are you like you have any special skills or talents? You seem like the kind of guy that has like a jump rope record or something like that.

[D Madness]

You.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're very fit. You remind me of Michael Gonzalez back here. You're in good shape.

[Vasquez]

Okay, okay.

[Rodrigo Marin]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you have any special skills or talents or anything?

[Vasquez]

Not really.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You do have two different colored eyes. Is that eye over there working?

[Vasquez]

Not exactly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not exactly? That's not a no, it's a not exactly. Kind of like that eye might be a brand ambassador for a million dollar

[Hasan Ahmad]

company

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

and then you find out no, it's working a cost Moscow. What happened to that eye?

[Vasquez]

Boxing accident. I took a finger to the eye.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ah, damn. A finger?

[Brian Moses]

Thought you were boxing of fish sticks.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

A finger to the eye. But mostly. There's normally gloves that are worn in boxing. Where did the finger come from?

[Vasquez]

It wasn't from. We weren't Wearing gloves.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It wasn't a sanctioned fight.

[Dave Landau]

It was a fight.

[Redban]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where was this? At El Paso, Texas.

[Rodrigo Marin]

Oregon.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, Oregon. Yes. The El Paso of the north. And you were just doing a normal like street fight? Was it over a disagreement?

[Vasquez]

Practice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Practice for boxing?

[Vasquez]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Holy shit.

[Brian Moses]

Not a game. Not a game.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, that had to suck, huh?

[Vasquez]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. How long ago was that?

[Rodrigo Marin]

Probably

[Vasquez]

four years ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that's not that bad. You had two eyes for a long time. D Mad d Madness thinks you're a huge dude. The God himself poked out d Madness's eyes. So imagine that.

[Vasquez]

Yeah, he's doing the Lord's work.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That doesn't make any sense.

[Vasquez]

Maybe not, cuz God is like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But Vasquez, is comedy something that you actually want to do or did you just. Okay, all right, well, keep writing jokes. Here's a. Here's a medium sized joke book. There goes Vasquez, ladies and gentlemen. We're going to keep it moving along now. You know, we're all getting better about talking openly about mental health, but finding support can still feel overwhelming. Between schedules, cost and trying to find the right therapist, it's easy to keep putting it off. That's one reason I really like Talk Space.

[Redban]

Redban Talk Space is the number one rated online therapy bringing you professional support from licensed therapists and psychiatrists that you can access online, anytime, anywhere. And you could switch switch providers at no extra cost to make sure you find that one that really fits your needs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Talk Space is in network with most major insurance plans and many insured members pay a copay of $0. Talk Base's mission is to provide quality care whether or not you are insured, meaning it's actually affordable out of pocket as well. So as a listener of this podcast, you'll get $80 off your first month with Talk Space when you go to talk space.comTony and enter promo code SPACE80. That's S P A C 80. A licensed therapist today. Go to talkspace.comTony and enter promo code Space80. OnDeck is built to back small businesses like yours. Whether you're buying equipment, expanding your team or bridging cash flow gaps on Deck's loans up to $400,000. Make it happen fast. Rated A by the Better Business Bureau and earning thousands of five star trust pilot reviews, Ondeck delivers funding you can count on. Apply in [e-mail] depending on certain loan attributes. Your business loan may be issued by Ondeck or Celtic Bank. Ondeck does not lend in North Dakota. All loans amounts subject to lender approval all shapes and sizes of people. Brand ambassador for multi million dollar companies. The sample guy at Costco. There's a lot of range in between those two jobs.

[Redban]

That's below a bagger.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket poll goes by the name of Paul Ciphers. We know Paul. He's a funny guy. Here comes Paul Cipher.

[Paul Ciphers]

I work as an exterminator. I do pest control for a living. Thank you. It's kind of like being an ICE officer for cute little animals. That's basically, instead of catching Mexicans, I mostly catch squirrels. Mexicans and squirrels, very different. One is a small brown creature you'll see on someone's lawn or up on someone's roof. And the other is a squirrel. So. Today someone asked me if I was gonna kill the squirrel. I was like, no, ma'.

[Rodrigo Marin]

Am.

[Paul Ciphers]

I'm gonna put it in a cage and separate it from its family. This is a true thing. My work truck has been broken into three times in the past month. Nothing will turn you into a Republican faster than tools getting stolen out of your work truck. But we live in Texas, so I went out and I bought a gun.

[Trenton Tebow]

Gun.

[Paul Ciphers]

You know, they break into my truck again, I'm going to kill myself. So that should do it. Thank you guys very much. Appreciate it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Great set. Paul Ciphers. Hell, yeah, buddy. That was awesome.

[Paul Ciphers]

How's it going?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long you been doing standup now?

[Paul Ciphers]

Like, seven, going on eight years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I remember you many times from the show, being very, very funny.

[Paul Ciphers]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Seem funnier than ever. How's life going for you?

[Paul Ciphers]

Better in certain ways. Worse than others.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let's talk about it.

[Paul Ciphers]

What do you mean? I'm doing pest control. I'm an exterminator, so I'll start there. Not usually the mark of somebody doing super well, but, yeah, I had a friend today say, well, you should be grateful you have a job. And I was like, well, you're unemployed. You want me to put a resume in? He said, no, I'm good, actually. So that's something.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us about the nightmares that you see out there.

[Paul Ciphers]

I run into a lot of Kil Tony fans.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah. They're everywhere.

[Paul Ciphers]

They are bedbugs and cockroaches and droves.

[Livy Dunn]

They got.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They also have Ferraris and Corvettes, too, here.

[Paul Ciphers]

I don't think anybody here is using

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

my company, but they recognize you when you come in. They go, holy. Aren't you on?

[Paul Ciphers]

No, once or twice it's happened, but,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

oh, you bring it up. You're out there spraying and you're like, say, you Ever see Kill Tony?

[Paul Ciphers]

It comes up. I just try to make good conversation with people and it comes up. And in Austin, it's very, very popular.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What are some of the. What are some of the infestations that have blown your mind, though? I'm sure people want to know because it's crazy out there. I hear horror stories all the time.

[Paul Ciphers]

I hate in the heat of the summer. I deal with a lot of black widow spiders.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. I thought that was going another direction for a while. Thought you were going to be the greatest exterminator of all time for a moment there. And it turns out just a spider problem.

[Brian Moses]

It's gay pride, not white pride. Motoning.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm like, what are you exterminating? He's like, these black widows.

[Brian Moses]

Black like that leaned into the black.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It was a widow. Long black. These crazy ass. They're always on the porch, these black widows. They're just always trying to ruin everybody's night with their fucking yapping and drama. Like, wait, what? It's a spider.

[Dave Landau]

They actually become a widow after the extermination.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, they hated that after they fucked Joel Lindley, the second 59 year old of the night that loves black women. He be exterminating that pussy. You know what I'm saying? All right, go ahead. Black widows are terrible.

[Paul Ciphers]

Black widows, rattlesnakes.

[Trenton Tebow]

Yeah.

[Paul Ciphers]

I originally did pest control for my dad's business in Massachusetts. And moving down here, much like the people, the bugs are a lot angrier and fatter here in Texas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Paul Ciphers]

So it's very terrifying. The people are disgusting. Cockroaches, you name it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that happens. That's the thing. They're out there. There, cockroaches are out there. Red band flies are really bad this year, right?

[Paul Ciphers]

Yeah. Well, maybe your house is a little dirty. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You just got chainsawed. All right, so I love it. So here. Wow, there's a lot of flies out there outside.

[Paul Ciphers]

Yeah, no, it's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're out there fighting flies and you're fighting a lot of foo. Obviously. Am I correct?

[Trenton Tebow]

Food.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Foo. Foo Fighters. Oh, there you go. All right. What are the other. Let's talk about the big ones. The biggest is what people want to know about. Tell us about the craziest rats that you've seen. Is there anyone that has a rat infestation out there?

[Paul Ciphers]

Every other bar besides the one you're sitting in on 6th street has a lot of rats. I. I had to drown a rat to death one time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Tell us about that. That's what we Want to know?

[Paul Ciphers]

I caught a rat by only its paw on a trap. And I was at a very wealthy person's upstairs, and I called my boss, and she was like, you can either smash it off the ground. I was like, I'm not gonna do that. She's like, or you can drown it. And I was like, all right, well, I guess I'll try drowning it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah.

[Paul Ciphers]

I got a bucket of water. You filled water?

[Brian Moses]

You're like one of those kids who, like, kills rabbits as a youth and is like, I can make money off of this.

[Paul Ciphers]

No, I. I did too many drugs in high school. Didn't go to college. College. I'm actually a vegan, which is the craziest part.

[D Madness]

What?

[Vasquez]

Yeah.

[Brian Moses]

Have you ever knelt on a squirrel's neck?

[Paul Ciphers]

What? That's not bad. I might take that. Thank you.

[D Madness]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So how did you drown this rat? What did you put the rat in?

[Paul Ciphers]

I filled a bucket with water, and the rat was on a trap. So I put it in, and the rat's, like, screaming, and then, no, please, mister, no. And it falls underneath the water. Just, like, total silence. Turns out rats cling to life quite a bit. So, yeah, start breaching the water like an orca whale.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Paul Ciphers]

So I looked around. I saw a broom, and I just kind of, like, lightly was holding.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, he really is like. He really is like.

[Brian Moses]

It's like a 1990s LAPD cup. Jesus Christ. Nobody's filming this, right?

[Paul Ciphers]

And I'm emotion. I was pretty emotionally affected by it. The bubbles are coming up. It ticked.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[Paul Ciphers]

It turns out it takes a long time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Paul Ciphers]

Eventually, I got bored. I just started doom scrolling on my phone.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I was like, oh, my God.

[Paul Ciphers]

I remember it was the rocks cheat day. So I opened my phone. I'm like, that's a lot of paint.

[Hasan Ahmad]

Pancakes at 20, Johnson's Eater.

[Paul Ciphers]

And then he was dead.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, that's hilarious.

[Dave Landau]

There were four turtles crying.

[Paul Ciphers]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Paul Ciphers]

This guy in the camel hat just said, what the. You know, it's a weird story.

[Vasquez]

Yep.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That guy's killed Middle Eastern people before. From long range. Yep. And he'll do it again. He just said, perfect. Welcome to America, everybody. Wow, Paul, how's your love life? When you're not drowning rats, are you drowning in pussy?

[Paul Ciphers]

I'm actually. I drown the rats. I'm saving up to try to afford a wedding for the love of my life.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, nice. How long have you been with her?

[Paul Ciphers]

I've been with her going on three years. But I have been sure about trying to marry her since I met her. But it takes a long time on the exterminator salary to save up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That makes sense. Sense. That makes sense. And she's a vegan.

[Paul Ciphers]

She is not. No, she's a Texas. A Houston gal. She, fat ass, loves brisket.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, I love it. I love it. So what made you turn vegan? What point?

[Paul Ciphers]

I've been. I was vegan on and off. And honestly, it's just something in stand up. I have some jokes about it and I just try to do. I'm like totally sober now. I just try to change things up to try to write material.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You know, you don't have to do that.

[Brian Moses]

That.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, you could eat a steak and go on stage and do a joke about being vegan if you wanted to.

[Paul Ciphers]

That's true. That's actually what I'm doing right now. I don't know why I lie.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing, Paul. I love it. What am I missing here? Fantastic set, Great interview. Absolutely perfect. I'd love to have you back on the secret show, Paul.

[Paul Ciphers]

Thank you, sir.

[D Madness]

There you go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And I'm sure you have one, but here's another big joke book, Paul. Ciphers.

[D Madness]

Ladies.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ladies and gentlemen, Moses has to go pee. Everybody. It's gonna go drown a rat somewhere. In the meanwhile, we're gonna keep it moving along with your next bucket bull. He goes by the name of Trenton Tebow, everybody. Here comes Trenton. Put your hands together for Trenton Tebow.

[Trenton Tebow]

Yo, who in here wants to have the best sex of their life? Today, tonight. All right, everybody, that said no, see me afterwards. Yeah. Glad this is going well. My free trial for better help expires this weekend. I'm just kidding, guys. I could never kill myself. I photoshopped a pair of angel wings on me the other day. I look fucking stupid. I tried. Just brought the ceiling fan down with me. Great. Now I'm depressed and not getting my deposit back. You know how hard it is to sleep when you're suicidal and hot now. So you go to the gym, right? Because you need to make a change. Go. Go to the gym. You know, because they have stronger fans. All right, thank you, guys. I'm Trenton Tebow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Trenton Tebow. Holy. What a set. Is this your first time on the show?

[Trenton Tebow]

Nah, third time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. This one was stand out. Incredible. He's going pee real quick. He, he. He would have loved your set.

[Rodrigo Marin]

It's okay.

[Dave Landau]

He hates white people.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, we'll tell them all about it. You would agree that this is a standout set out of the three.

[Trenton Tebow]

Yeah, this is pretty good. I Like it?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I love it. You're fantastic. Remind us, how long you been doing stand up?

[Trenton Tebow]

About four years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Four years. Man, you're funny as hell. Where were these four years at?

[Trenton Tebow]

Fort Worth. Dallas.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice. Do you live here now or did you make the drive today?

[Trenton Tebow]

I live in Dallas. Fort Worth. Still.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How often do you drive down here for a spot like this?

[Trenton Tebow]

I haven't been down here in a few months. Honestly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. What do you do for work?

[Trenton Tebow]

I work at a restaurant as well as I do contract construction labor type shit landscape. You know that type of.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ah, the rare white landscaper. Maybe.

[Trenton Tebow]

I got the mustache for it, though.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. You got it. You got it. Absolutely. What do you do for fun? Trenton Tebow.

[Trenton Tebow]

Dude, I fish a lot. I like fishing a lot. I. I play a lot of pool too.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice.

[Brian Moses]

I know Trenton, he's. He's a hell of a joke writer. He. He's part of Rose Battle. Dallas Fort Worth. He dates a single mom. Was really funny too. Wild white, you got to say, y', know? But yeah, this guy's amazing. I bet your set was great. Sorry I missed it. You're right. I hate white people.

[Trenton Tebow]

Yeah, that's cool. I get it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is this true? You're with a single mom?

[Trenton Tebow]

Yeah.

[James Morris]

Yeah.

[Trenton Tebow]

Single mom of four.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my God.

[Trenton Tebow]

Yeah. Thank me for my service, dude.

[Chris Waldeck]

Wow.

[D Madness]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How old are these kids? Ballpark. All between what ages?

[Trenton Tebow]

Oh, dude, you think I'm supposed to know this?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Give us the ballpark of the youngest and oldest.

[Trenton Tebow]

13 through 4.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Yeah, those are kids.

[Dave Landau]

That's why you're suicidal.

[Rodrigo Marin]

Exactly.

[Trenton Tebow]

You get it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That makes sense. So do you often bang her? Obviously, at her place. You guys don't live together, right?

[Trenton Tebow]

Yeah, no, no, we live. We live a while apart, so it's just a. Whenever we can.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, right. So you go over there and then what? You kind of like to get.

[Joel Lindley]

Get.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Get to bed kids.

[Redban]

Get.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Get on, get. Children n. We just go in the tornado shelter.

[Trenton Tebow]

Yeah, no, just shove some in front of the door so we can hear him start trying to break in and just.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Is that true? I love that. Hell yeah. That works. That works. I get it.

[Sagan Butler]

It.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I've never really gotten into the single mom thing.

[Joel Lindley]

I don't really.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's that? Oh, yeah, I mean, it's amazing. She does stand up.

[Trenton Tebow]

Yeah.

[Vasquez]

How?

[Brian Moses]

Tony get you a black widow? That's who you need.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Did she sign up tonight? Is she with you?

[Trenton Tebow]

Yeah, she's cross street or next. Next door.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What's her name?

[Trenton Tebow]

Sagan Butler.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. We're gonna get her out here. We're gonna have her do a minute. That'll be fun. So how long you been banging this fucking mom for?

[Trenton Tebow]

We've been in an intimate relationship for about four months, I'd say.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Trenton Tebow]

She's a very respectful woman. Don't say that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. I love it. So tell. Have the kids ever cock blocked you or anything like that? How do they come. Kids fit into this thing?

[Trenton Tebow]

Oh, man. The. The oldest are good. They take themselves to bed. The youngest, they try to. Which they say with their dad part of the time. That's why I like to come over.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

But, hell, yeah, that's the good times.

[Brian Moses]

You ever do the Hank Hill voice with them?

[Trenton Tebow]

Do what you say.

[Brian Moses]

You ever do, like, the Hank Hill voice with them?

[Trenton Tebow]

No, I. I don't. I'm gonna be real.

[Brian Moses]

You should though, you. Because you got that.

[Trenton Tebow]

You know, I don't have wi. Fi. I don't.

[James Morris]

I don't.

[Trenton Tebow]

I don't have tv, so I've never seen any of that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right.

[Rodrigo Marin]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Could tell again. Moses is from San Diego. Not many blacks know about King of the Hill.

[Brian Moses]

He. He's white. I told him about King of the Hill.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Amazing. Proving my point yet again. Amazing.

[Redban]

Have you met the dad?

[Trenton Tebow]

I've met one of the dad. There's.

[Dave Landau]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome to another episode of One of the Dads.

[Redban]

Hold up.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How many dads are there, Maurice?

[Trenton Tebow]

Only two. Only two. Only two dads.

[Dave Landau]

Are the kids.

[Trenton Tebow]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, they are. Are they really?

[Trenton Tebow]

Yeah.

[Sagan Butler]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This lady's bouncing from landscaper to landscaper.

[Trenton Tebow]

You're right.

[Sagan Butler]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is incredible.

[Dave Landau]

Coming over to trim the hedges.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[James Morris]

Very nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

She's letting everybody mow her lawn.

[Trenton Tebow]

Hey, don't say that about my lady.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's been four months. Don't disrespect her like that. It's been the best four months of my life. I love it.

[Trenton Tebow]

Here's a fun fact. We're both friends with the Yoshi. Pretty good friends with Yoshi.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Dave Landau]

Yoshi's the best dude.

[Trenton Tebow]

Yoshi's a man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm more of a Wario guy myself, but good guys. Why don't you? Why don't you. We're gonna bring up Sagan. How about one more time for Trenton Tebow, everybody? Trenton, here's a big joke book, my friend. Thank you. Hello there. If you've been sitting on a business idea, Shopify makes it easy to turn that idea into something real. You know, when I launched the Kiltoni storefront, I was surprised by how much was already taken care of. I didn't need a bunch of different tools or complications, complicated setup steps. Everything I needed to start selling was there from day one.

[Redban]

Red Ban One of the biggest things I noticed early on was how smoothly customers moved through checkout. Shopify checkout helped more people complete their purchases and returning customers could check out even faster because their information was already saved. That friction free experience gave me confidence that the sales side was working the

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

way it should, and once that foundation was in place, my focus shifted from building the store to actually growing the business. Instead of worrying about the technical side, I could spend more time improving products, connecting with customers, and finding new ways to grow things that people actually want and think are cool. It's also reassuring knowing Shopify powers millions of businesses worldwide. From first time entrepreneurs to major brands, the infrastructure is already there. You just bring the idea my friend. With Shopify, nothing stands between your idea and a real business. So go make it one. Start your free trial at shopify.com kill tony that's right. Start your free trial at shopifY.com kill

[Livy Dunn]

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[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know about you guys, but I want to meet the mother of four that's getting banged out by Trenton Tebow. Here to do an uninterrupted minute of stand up comedy. Make some noise for Sagan Butler everybody.

[Sagan Butler]

Surprise. I'm a single mom of four. Yes. I also worked with infants for over a decade and I learned some things about people like across the lifespan we just try to recreate the feeling of being in the womb cause it's what we find soothing. That's why we swaddle babies. Adults use Weighted blankets. And that's probably why I love alcohol. And the muffled sounds of people fighting. Feels like home. You know, something I notice, I do as a parent is I call my kids little, cute pet names on the fly. Right? But the other day, I accidentally called my baby girl Booger Sugar. And in case you live under a rock, that means cocaine. And I felt bad until I realized all the things that babies and cocaine have in common, they're both really expensive, they both keep you up all night, and they both frequently get sniffed by members of the Biden family. All right, I'll end it there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hilarious. Amazing. Sagan Butler. Welcome, welcome.

[Vasquez]

Hi.

[Sagan Butler]

Hello.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

This is your first time on the show? Second.

[Vasquez]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long ago was that, that last time?

[Sagan Butler]

Like, two years ago.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[D Madness]

What.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did we talk about in your interview back then? Two years.

[Sagan Butler]

Me being a single mom, mostly.

[Dave Landau]

Nice.

[Sagan Butler]

I have two little boys on the spectrum, and one of them is a savant type, so we talked about that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. All right, great.

[D Madness]

Welcome, welcome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did you have braces back then?

[Sagan Butler]

Unfortunately, yes. I don't know when I'm gonna get them off, so we'll see.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. That's some real Dallas right there. Just getting braces and then never having them removed. Let's check in with the great Dave Landau.

[Dave Landau]

Look, at least they're invisalign,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I want to say.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah, that was a great set. And I saw you last night at Roast Battle. I think you're tremendous. That's all I want to say.

[Sagan Butler]

Thank you. I appreciate that.

[Paul Ciphers]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sagan Butler out here doing it. So let's talk about it. What are the updates in life? It's been two years since you were on. What's going on?

[Sagan Butler]

I watched my friend die in front of me. He was on this show.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah. Who was that?

[Sagan Butler]

His name was Henry Craig Cruz.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Henry Cruz? What happened to Henry?

[Sagan Butler]

We were walking to get an Uber, a car jumped the curb, hit him, and they took off.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I have heard of it.

[D Madness]

Oh, my.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Red band. Red band. Why would you do that? That was a traumatizing moment for. Is that what it sounded like?

[Sagan Butler]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Sagan Butler]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They never caught the hidden runner?

[Sagan Butler]

They did, but they haven't. Like, we still gotta go through this.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They haven't prosecuted him yet?

[Sagan Butler]

No know, it's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How long did it take to find him?

[Sagan Butler]

Like, a few weeks to a month.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Damn.

[Sagan Butler]

Yeah, it was pretty bad.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Were they on the run or.

[Sagan Butler]

I mean, I guess they hit him and it just kept going.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Did anyone get the license plate or anything?

[Sagan Butler]

No, it was just, like, In a split.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So they kind of had to do the math on like cameras and stuff.

[Sagan Butler]

Yeah, I was in deep ellum, so there's cameras everywhere, so I imagine that's how they caught him.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah. Amazing.

[Dave Landau]

What did he do when he was on this show?

[Sagan Butler]

What did he do in. On the show? He did great.

[D Madness]

Did.

[Sagan Butler]

He did really well.

[Dave Landau]

So he was in two situations where someone killed.

[Sagan Butler]

Yeah, exactly. He's a great guy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And so he died in your arms?

[Sagan Butler]

Essential. I tried giving him cpr. It didn't work.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you think? Like, did he like hit his head? I mean, I'm sorry to have you describe this situation.

[Sagan Butler]

That's okay. I've talked about a lot. He lost consciousness. So once he was. Once he, you know, landed, he was out. So he. He wasn't scared or like. Like in pain or.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Got it. Well, that's.

[Dave Landau]

That's good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's good. Damn, that sucks.

[Sagan Butler]

I thought we liked dark shit, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, yeah, it's good, it's good.

[Redban]

Did you find his joke book? Maybe you can do some of Red Band.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Come on, Redburn. Why would you say that? Okay, well that's incredible. What else is going on in life? These kids are growing up. What's the savant? What is their talent?

[Sagan Butler]

He's just incredibly smart about everything. Like, he'll like, educate family members at like, events where they're like, let me tell you about gestational diabetes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it. So. Sounds like a future golden ticket winner to me.

[Sagan Butler]

Hell yeah. Hell yeah, they do. They do mics with me sometimes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, nice. How old is he?

[Sagan Butler]

He is currently 11.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Amazing. That's fun. What type of alcohol is the best to drink while pregnant? To have an autistic child, I want to have a savant. Don't we all?

[Trenton Tebow]

All. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Sagan Butler]

I don't know. That's my mom, not me. Actually, she didn't do that. It's just a joke. I love you, mom.

[Dave Landau]

Did you take a lot of Tylenol?

[Sagan Butler]

Yeah, I had to have. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing, Sagan. Well, you're very, very funny. Your boyfriend Trenton is hilarious as well. You guys are living the life. I bet you have a lot of giggles on your drives up and down from Dallas. I bet he gets the most rugged brace filled road head you can possibly imagine. I mean, I don't know what kind of kind of car he's driving, but there's a lot of potholes from here to Dallas. I hope he's stopping off at Buc EE's and getting a little break. Putting a Little ice on that, Sagan. Amazing stuff. Here's a big joke book for you. Great stuff. There they go. The amazing couple of Trenton Tebow and Sagan Butler. A fun little old school thing where if someone very funny has has a loved one out there that does comedy. We got them both up right now. While we go wrangle that next bucket poll, I have one of the great regulars of the history of the show ready with a brand new minute for you. One of the hardest jobs in all of stand up comedy is writing and performing a brand new minute every week. Having to follow your own actions and own growth here. And this guy shows no mercy. Never takes a week off by choice. Always works, always grinding. Make some noise for the great Dedrick Flynn. Ladies and gentlemen, the dark storm of Austin, Texas. How y' all doing?

[D Madness]

Yeah. Did y' all know y' all don't have to prove you're autistic to buy Legos? I didn't know that. Cause every time I went to the Lego store, it was always a long line of niggas buying it. And then I realized it was just the person at the counter telling and the nigga ringing them up how much they love Legos and everything that they build. And I went in there, I just wanted to buy this Transformer Legos that just had came out. And I don't know how to put them together. Cause I'm not autistic. It's just like. It's just art in my house. Like, it's just the same box. And so I had recently got released from Japan when I was in jail. And I had a party at my house. And one of my autistic friends, that nigga, he just walked up to me, he was like, hey, do you want me me to put together that Transformer? And I was like, how do you n. That was in my room. Like, how did you get back there? How did you get back there? He was like, I'll take it apart after, if that's what you need, if you want to put it together. I was like, n go back there. And then after about, like, when the party was ending, that nigga was still putting it together. I was like, hey, we gotta go to. Like, we're leaving here. And he was like, I'm not. So I wanna start, like a task, Rabbit. Like, you hire people to hang stuff. I wanna start that for autistic people. Caus finish it or die trying. Dee said, he's just still been in my house. I'm new to autism. Cause I grew up black. I didn't really. All of a sudden, everybody who I knew was white was autistic. So I thought these niggas was lying. Like when they told me they all had spaceships, right? But my ex girlfriend, Penelope, was the first person to tell me about. She came to me, she said, dedrick, I'm autistic. I was like. Like, shut the up, right? And. And then, like, the next morning, we was about to eat breakfast, and then I saw her pour her milk in before her cereal. And I was like, yeah, that. Autistic. That. That. We gotta put her down. That's my time. I love y'. All.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dedrick Flynn, ladies and gentlemen, with another at two minutes, always doing overtime. Incredible. Milk before cereal. Just. It just makes me uncomfortable to think about out of all the things we've covered, people dying in other people's arms. Four kids from two different dads, 59 years old, never done this before. Eight broken bones, dead mom, dead brother. I have notes here that are very sad. Something about pouring milk in a bowl before cereal just had me so uncomfortable. D Madness is gonna go cut himself. My girl doesn't he. He has never poured more milk before cereal, and he doesn't know what the. The difference is. My girl does that.

[Redban]

Janice does that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Incredible. Milk before cereal. Frightening. It floats, right? And it kind of float.

[D Madness]

If I couldn't watch a poor. It was like, you know, you, like, watch a scene that, you know, is a horror scene as a kid. So, like, I'm looking at her like, you know what I'm saying? But I can't see her finish it. And then after she poured the cereal, she was like, you want me to pour you? I was like, nigga, no. Don't touch. Don't touch cereal around. I couldn't. I. That's why we broke up. I'm not gonna lie to y'. All. We was in love right before then, and I was like, you know what?

[Vasquez]

Oh, yeah.

[D Madness]

God do be talking to you. There will be signs.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

Yeah.

[Brian Moses]

He said, stop dating chicks.

[D Madness]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I mean, you know what they say. Once you go pale. You know what I'm saying? She make you eat kale, but if she's hot when with tattoos as well, she's autistic as well. I can't remember what they said.

[Paul Ciphers]

Right.

[D Madness]

I just made up both of those.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. Incredible.

[Brian Moses]

I'm glad you're back, man. We. I think we all miss you. We all miss. I miss Dederick. I did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love that.

[D Madness]

Thank y' all so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah. We covered it a little bit last week, but I still think we were all a bit traumatized that you look

[Brian Moses]

like a deflated Rick Ross. I like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D Madness]

Well, if you do. If you do several hundred push ups a day, when you get to Zoomies, you can lose weight, too. That is. But also, they ain't got no. It's like, worse jail food. Like, I think everybody thought I was gonna come back, like, a certain way, but, like, we had, like, teriyaki anchovies and, like, pickled cabbage like, five days a week. And so, like, I was definitely in that stage. Cause the first time I ate it, I thought it was vegetables. And then the second time I ate it, I looked down, I saw a bunch of eyes looking at me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, shit.

[D Madness]

That shit was just. But I love Japan. Thank y' all so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wait, that is such a lie.

[Brian Moses]

When did they let you out?

[Michael Ridley]

Juneteenth.

[D Madness]

Right before they knew the nigga had to leave. Honestly, they just wanted to meet me from how nice they were to me. Like, they were like the whole staff. They were always like, super comedian. When I would make them niggas laugh and shit. Like, they was like. They were like, you get off. You put this in. Stand up when you go back. Can't wait to see. And I was like, I don't know how they gonna see it. Cause I'm not gonna do it. And both. Both languages. Like, I. I didn't learn any Japanese out there, but I did learn what was bad in Japan, right?

[Brian Moses]

Do they be in jail in Japan?

[Joel Lindley]

Huh?

[Brian Moses]

Do they be in jail in Japan?

[D Madness]

No, they don't have. Brother, let me tell you this. Let me tell you. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. This is 24 hour lockdown. And when you first come in, this is the scariest part when I walked in, because at first I thought they was being nice to me because they handed me, like, three blind. And everybody who's been arrested in here know jail is the coldest place on earth, right? So I was like, this is gonna be a cakewalk for me. I got three blankets. I'm good. And then them niggas handed me a leather box that had the same, like, density and shape as Velveeta cheese. I thought it was a leather box of toiletries. No, nigga, that was the pillow, right? That was the pillow. And then when I got to the sale, there were no beds. So one of those blankets was either a bed or blanket or a pillow, like, you know what I'm saying? To Use it. So there was nothing. And we got room search. Also the worst part, no ramen. All right, can we talk about that there? No. And they gotta have no ramen. When I was in Japan and I wanted to tell these, y' all are missing out on so much money because, like, in the United States, nigga ramen, I see that. It's what it's. Ramen in jail is, like, what you could do with ramen. Like, niggas make, like, lasagna out of ramen. Ramen. I didn't see make knives out of ramen. Like, I see escape from jail out of ramen. No ramen. I had zero ramen. All that was was really made in prison.

[Brian Moses]

You said, like, you're the bubble gump of ramen. That was.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You can make ramen pizza.

[D Madness]

Like an offensive coordinator.

[Redban]

You.

[D Madness]

Oh, more like offensive coordinator. Get your black ass out of. You supposed to be on my side.

[Brian Moses]

I am a senior. Happy Juneteenth. Jesus.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No, he's from San Diego.

[D Madness]

Oh, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm on your side, though.

[D Madness]

Thank you so much. Yeah. You didn't invite me at all. You a say keep your head up. You know what I'm saying, dog?

[Brian Moses]

First of all, it's Japan. You bow. You don't keep your head up.

[D Madness]

Yeah, no, you do. You get. Is it quick? Is it quick head? Now, don't really bow in jail, cuz. I. I don't know. I didn't make the rules. Why you looking at me like? I just. I made one mistake and let me go. All right? That was the end of it.

[Dave Landau]

Did you have a roommate?

[D Madness]

I have four of them.

[Dave Landau]

Were they horrified when you walked in?

[D Madness]

No, they were.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They very br.

[D Madness]

That be horrifying.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very br.

[Dave Landau]

Because it's four Japanese.

[D Madness]

Are you just scared every time you see a black dude in the room? Like, why are you. Do you get horrified when you see a black dude come in the room? No, but if I. I think you do.

[Dave Landau]

No, I really don't. I'm from Detroit.

[D Madness]

Oh, so you definitely do.

[Joel Lindley]

No,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

no, I'm with. I'm with Dave on this one. I picture. I picture three scared little Japanese men going, oh, no, these are the worst cases scenario.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah, you got like, three dudes, Three small dudes, and then you walk in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Clearly, he's going to try to steal one of my piro, bro. Yeah, he probably thinking the piro too small. You're going to deal. I'm not going to learn anything.

[D Madness]

They. They was just. They was. They was a gangster, too. They was like. Like yakuza member. But like I've good around gangsters. Like I would, I would just help them out sometimes. Like I helped them. Like I helped out of the three dudes in that room. I helped two of them get out on bail because they didn't understand the system. And I had them like writing letters to the judge and stuff like that. Like helping them get out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at you pulling a Johnny Cochran in there.

[D Madness]

Yeah, dog. I told him every time I would see them like getting a little upset because it's 24 hour lockdown, so it could really get to you and we all in a box. So like if I started, I was like, come on, let's hit these push ups. I had them doing push ups, sit ups, like talking to them. Like when I left, they woke me up and they were like crying that I was like, gave me a hug and he.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We are going to a missing you Barack A man.

[D Madness]

Black shogun is what they call me in there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I will never forget when you forcing

[Gerard Michaels]

me to do push ups.

[Sagan Butler]

But

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

thank you you for teaching me to read and write. You got me out on be.

[Gerard Michaels]

I never knew.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I will never forget you.

[Hasan Ahmad]

I will.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I would watch every episode of you on Kill Tony RR I the thing

[D Madness]

is, they did though, after I got arrested, they started looking me up and so then, then they would start like coming by and like saying some of the jokes that I was saying. Like I was saying they was so nice to me. Like when I was getting out, the N shook my hand. I never shook an officer's hand. He was like, hey, do I look mad at you? And I was like, no. He was like, so that should tell you if you get out tomorrow. Cause this shit, it's a terrifying. Y', all, y' all gotta. You gotta spend a mandatory 23 days. And then if they have enough evidence, you go to trial, which is six weeks later.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh my God, right?

[D Madness]

My case is dropped and dismissed. Of the fucking 11 people, I am the only person to get the fuck out. And it does not matter what lawyer you have. I was just telling the truth. I don't do mdma. I don't. Like I told the cops, I said, I'll do mdma cause I love lasers already. And they was like, do you do cocaine? I was like, no, my nigga, I already talk a lot, you know what I'm saying? I don't need to do hard drugs. Like I'm already crazy. And so they was real nice.

[Redban]

You should try mdma.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dma, by the way. Yeah, very nice.

[D Madness]

Yeah, thank you, Red man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go.

[D Madness]

The AI you do. Is that how you got there?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Our senior health correspondent, Brian Redband, ladies and gentlemen. Always on top of what everybody should do. Yeah, Dedrick, you are always so wildly entertaining. Unbelievably charismatic. The great dark storm, the black shogun, Dedrick Flint, fresh out of Japanese prison. Look at these guys. There's the lovely Heidi, ladies and gentlemen.

[Joel Lindley]

Ah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is. Say that. You're allowed to say that. No, say it now. Say it now. It's not gonna be. He's not gonna be. Stop band. Stop. He's not gonna be fresh out of Japanese prison.

[Commercial Announcer]

Just.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Just say into the mic what you just whispered into my ear and I'm going to force you to do it, so you might as well just do it. It just say what you just said, referring to Dedrick's Japanese prison stay. He said that we missed a joke that we could have said. Go ahead.

[D Madness]

Yeah.

[Brian Moses]

It's just I imagine him being like, no, my. They're like, no, no, no noiri. We have no sushi.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I liked it more how you said it.

[Brian Moses]

I literally just said nigiri to you and you're like, that's funny.

[Joel Lindley]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Anyway, it was better. We're keeping it moving.

[Hasan Ahmad]

Moving.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for your next bucket. Pull back to the bucket.

[Redban]

We go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Make some noise for Gerard Michaels, everybody.

[Rodrigo Marin]

Gerard.

[Brian Moses]

Woo, baby.

[Gerard Michaels]

Here we are. It's so good to be here. The greatest show on earth and the greatest club on earth and the greatest country on Earth. Let's rock and roll. I love seeing the European mind explode. Being here for the World cup, being lied to all these years with the propaganda and they're sitting here like, I thought it was gonna be Nazis in a race war. And it turns out there's nothing but Bucky's and ranch dressing. It's delightful. Yeah, dude, you've been lied to the whole time. America's amazing, dude. It's incredible. Here we go, skydiving with no fucking healthcare here. Dude, we're awesome. If you like Buc EE's and ranch dressing, stick around for the 4th of July and check out four loco and cherry bombs. It's gonna be fucking awesome. That's what the media does, man. They lie, man. I remember watching CNN and I'm seeing Don Lemon staring right into the TV going, middle aged white men are the most dangerous creatures on planet Earth. And I turn and I look at my father eating easy cheese off his belly with a Ritz cracker. I'm like, oh, shit. That's a fucking apex predator right There

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

sure are my ghosts. Welcome, Gerard. You've been on this show before, right?

[Gerard Michaels]

This is my first time, Tony.

[Redban]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do, how do I recognize you? Where do I know you from?

[Gerard Michaels]

I don't know. You've done country, Old Country Buffet, Maybe

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

he's done Roast Battles before. Oh, you were here opening for Dave this weekend.

[Gerard Michaels]

The great Dave Land.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, that's cool. Where you are you, where do you live?

[Gerard Michaels]

I live in Fort Lauderdale, Florida now. But I hail from Old Bridge, New Jersey.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice.

[Hasan Ahmad]

Hell yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. I'm glad you stuck around for this. That's fun. How long you been doing standup?

[Gerard Michaels]

12 years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

12 years. All of it there in Florida mostly.

[Gerard Michaels]

No, New York mostly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

New York City.

[Gerard Michaels]

Started at the Stress Factory. Vinnie Brand, Shout Out My brother.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice. We do New York City sometimes. We're going to be at Madison Square Garden August 7th and 8th. Fun fact, the Kiltoni Band is playing on August 6th at the City Winery. So if you're doing got nothing to do on that Thursday, go see the Kiltoni band. Why not? And also there's weekend passes available. We're doing a different thing where you can buy a full weekend Keltoni pass. That was a way for me to plug. Thank you for letting me plug my Madison Square Garden dates. Anyway, Gerard, so you live in New York now?

[Gerard Michaels]

I live in Fort Lauderdale. Moving.

[Redban]

Got it.

[Gerard Michaels]

Austin, Texas, July 16th.

[Livy Dunn]

Nice.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Congratulations. Welcome, welcome. What are you most excited about? About moving to Austin. It's a very fun place. I was just in Florida. I know Florida very well. I actually like Fort Lauderdale. Lauderdale, right.

[Gerard Michaels]

I think all the women here look like they're either just getting over a fever or a fever's just coming on and that makes them very approachable.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. You see that, huh? It's like a sixth sense or something.

[Trenton Tebow]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gerard Michaels]

It's kind of my thing, you know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, that's incredible. I'd never noticed that before. Do you see that in any of the ladies out in this audience here tonight? You see any fever?

[Trenton Tebow]

No.

[Gerard Michaels]

There's a lot of good looking girls with ugly guys in here. This is like a Tesla crowd or something. Something, yeah, there's like a SpaceX IPO in here or something.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perfect. Yes. That's what I tend to see as well. Someone tried to tell me that our fan base has a lot of cockroaches and rats earlier. I wasn't having him. Just kidding. I believe him. So Gerard, how do you make money? Just stand up or do you have another side gig? You seem like the kind of guy that likes to get under a truck every once in a while, get under that hood, change the carburetors.

[Gerard Michaels]

Yeah, I mean, I think you mean mechanic, but it came off as gay to me. I don't know.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, no, I do. I, I do make it. I, Everything I do is kind of gay.

[Gerard Michaels]

Yeah, I, I work, I, I work with veteran awareness vet company called Vet Claims AI trying to help veterans come home and, you know, get all the money that they've earned.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, that's great. We love that. We love the vets taking care of all the animals and whatnot.

[Gerard Michaels]

Oh, by the way, if there's any vets in here, just, you know, say your dick doesn't work, you get all the money. That's kind of the secret.

[Vasquez]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Amazing. Are you a veteran yourself?

[Gerard Michaels]

No, no, I'm a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, okay. What made you get into that industry? How'd you get into that?

[Gerard Michaels]

Well, they were looking for content creation, and then we were helping them out, trying to, like, you know, take their brands.

[Redban]

Have you tried Costco?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, right.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah.

[Gerard Michaels]

The benefits would have been better, and I just fell in love with it, man. They're a great company and, and they're doing great things.

[Chris Waldeck]

If they.

[Gerard Michaels]

It's something that, that I feel very strongly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love that. Me too. Absolutely. We love our veterans here in the kil Tony universe. So let me ask you this. What's your love life like? Cuz you seem like the kind of guy that likes to shake the mattress a little bit.

[Gerard Michaels]

Yeah, I, I, it could always be better, man. It could always be better. You know, I think, like, tell us,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

what was your last, like, random hookup? Like, what, what? How does a guy like Gerard Michaels like to wrangle little, Little, Little rodeo?

[Gerard Michaels]

I like to troll the bars for single moms at the end of the night mostly.

[Livy Dunn]

Ah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You ever seen a single mom with braces and four kids from two different dads?

[Gerard Michaels]

My target demographic. Hell yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Absolutely. I had a feeling you would like that. There was one up here earlier. So the last hookup, like, when did that happen? Recent.

[Trenton Tebow]

Last night.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Sagan Butler]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So just out of curiosity, take us through it. Is this someone that saw you perform stand up, and they're like, you're funny. What's up?

[Gerard Michaels]

No, no, I was at the.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I was, I'm have, I'm sorry, but I kind of have a fever coming out.

[Gerard Michaels]

Yeah, no, I was at the White Horse trolling a little bit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. That's a great place.

[Gerard Michaels]

Yeah, I was having a little boot scooting boogie and I heard this girl talking about our Dad's an. And I was like,

[D Madness]

I'm in.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, that's perfect. White Horse is the I. I love that place. And yeah, there's real normal, human, human like girls there. It's like real humans.

[Gerard Michaels]

So far so good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, it's fun. They throw on their little boots and their polka dot skirts and they go out, have a few drinks and they'll fucking even hook up with a big boy like you.

[Gerard Michaels]

Right?

[Sagan Butler]

Yeah.

[Chris Waldeck]

Free.

[Gerard Michaels]

That South Florida is like two grand a night. You know what I mean?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So, yeah, check in with the great Dave Landau.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah, the other place that he told me about, he's like, yeah, if you, if you can't find somebody, he's like, you know, Cockfight, it's a gay bar, but they do have food until 3am

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

yeah, that's what you call a win win situation.

[Dave Landau]

Exactly.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. Either get chicken or some chicken.

[Gerard Michaels]

I like to eat a little beef cheek, you know.

[Dave Landau]

I think you're a beast. And I'm glad you came out here. I really had no idea you were going to. And I'm really happy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you killed.

[Dave Landau]

Great job.

[Gerard Michaels]

Thank you so much.

[Hasan Ahmad]

Hell yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Gerard, you're a very funny man. Congratulations. Here's a big joke book coming at you. There he goes. Gerard Michaels, everybody. Going to keep it moving along. I always love it. I love it when comedy veterans sign up for the show. I think it's very smart for people that have been doing it 12 years or 40 years, like Joel Lindley earlier, to come and be seen, you know. Anyway, makes noise for your next bucket pool. This is a tough name to say, but I'm going to try my best. I'm going to say Dorde, Kirk, Ed.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

I apologize to absolutely nobody. Last time I was here, I'm the guy two years ago that was here and missing a front teeth and asked for reparations. Well, I got mine, which is American made porcelain. You can't hear that. Anyway, I was reading this book by David Steinberg, Inside Comics. And in that book he said that comedians are allowed to steal ideas and then produce their own material. Steal ideas, produce own material. And also he said in that book that if it wasn't for Richard Pryor, there would never be a Dave Chappelle. No Cat Williams, we know today. And I agree with both of these statements because if it wasn't for these three guys, I would never dream of becoming the first Montenegro comedian in the world. Thank you, guys. I appreciate that. That was my time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Door day. Am I saying that right? Door day.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

Georgia.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Georgie.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

Okay. Or we can say George.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It starts with a D where you're from. Where is that? Poland?

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

Montenegro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Montenegro.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

What's in Europe? Sir. Welcome.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

But that's a D. It's a D with the. With the middle thing inside.

[D Madness]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That makes it a George.

[Livy Dunn]

Sure.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

It's a Georgia. George Georgia or George Georgia.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Welcome, Georgia.

[Brian Moses]

Thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So you were on two years ago, and you were missing a tooth is what I gathered from that.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

That's right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And then at the end there, these three guys. What were you saying there? What was that? What did that.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

If it wasn't for Richard Prior, there would never be a Dave Chappelle nor Kat Williams. We know today.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Uhhuh. Okay. All right. Just making sure I heard.

[Dave Landau]

And if there wasn't a drago and a love guru, there wouldn't be you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, I like.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

I like that.

[James Morris]

Yeah.

[Brian Moses]

You're wearing capris. I mean, this.

[Paul Ciphers]

You just.

[Brian Moses]

You're so unlikable, George. I mean, like, you came up here. I'm apologizing. Usually Americans, we like a foreigner who can't speak our language unless they're Mexican. But this was like a whole thing. We just like. You gotta lose those teeth again. You'll be likable again.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

Thank you.

[Brian Moses]

Yeah. Punch yourself. There's those teeth.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

Now I can laugh more.

[Joel Lindley]

Yes.

[Brian Moses]

Did you say mon? Did you.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

Yes.

[Brian Moses]

I feel like you didn't even pronounce your own country right there.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

That was wild. I said mon. Yeah.

[Brian Moses]

Oh, there it is.

[D Madness]

Yeah.

[Dave Landau]

Yeah.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

Yes, sir.

[Brian Moses]

So you. So there's a hard R in that.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

Well, it was a hard R in my. In my. In your country. I said no, in not my country when I said it first time. I'll repeat it again because I don't believe in racism. I'll repeat it again.

[Brian Moses]

The word does exist. You don't believe in it, but it exists, my brother.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We know when you're not here. We say it all the time.

[Dave Landau]

I've been saying it in my head all night.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. So, George. George.

[Brian Moses]

Detroit.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

George, what do you do for a living? What do you do for work, George?

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

I do not work.

[Vasquez]

How do you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do you survive?

[Brian Moses]

Clear.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

I'm a privileged citizen of the United States of America.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do you have money? How do you.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

I don't have money. I live without money. I. I'm getting clothes. All of this.

[Brian Moses]

Do we got to call ice. What the fuck is going on here right now?

[D Madness]

This is true.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

I'm not lying. So all of these clothes and shoes we get here because I'm a houseless. I'm not Homeless. I'm a houseless.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What democratic US Aid operation is. Is funding these dudes with man buns coming to our country getting free clothes. Where do you live exactly?

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

I live in the woods of the Zilker Park.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, here we go. Let's talk about it. Now I'm interested. Do you have a tent? Do you have a tent? Do you have some kind of dwelling?

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

I have a tent, but I'm not sleeping in my tent because it's too hot here in Austin. So I'm leaving my stuff inside the tent.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Uhhuh.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

But I sleep on the benches around the town.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

I sleep here. In front of the churches, right? Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, look at you. So you choose to do that?

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

I choose to do that. Not to go back to my country. I choose to stay here.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Have you thought about getting an American job and. And. And having an apartment with air conditioning?

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

I am not allowed to work. I don't have a work permit, so I don't want to cheat anymore in my life. I'm not a cheater anymore.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

Yeah. I learned not to cheat. Yes.

[Dave Landau]

Tell that to every Mexican here.

[Brian Moses]

I say a word.

[Dave Landau]

Hard workers. What does your bracelet say?

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

My bracelet said God is big in enough.

[Dave Landau]

Ah, gotcha.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, okay. Just curious, so.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

Yes, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

George, how do you pass the time? What do you do during the daytime in the scorching Texas? One of the hardest places to not have air conditioning in the world.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

Correct.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How do you stay cool? What do you do?

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

Swimming in the pool in the morning. Garden Springs is awesome. Libraries got ac?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah.

[Brian Moses]

When you do fentanyl, you don't feel it. Usually you don't feel it when you have fentanyl. You know, you're saying system.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Do you do drugs?

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

No, I do not do drugs.

[Brian Moses]

How you lose those teeth then?

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

I used to do drugs.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ah, very good, Very good. What drugs were you doing, Georgia?

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

All of them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, nice.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

I'm just joking. Not all of them. I. I tried a lot of things.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Like what?

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

I'm 36 years old, so yeah. Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What drugs have you tried?

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

I tried mdma, Ecstasy, cocaine, weed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Weed is okay.

[Dave Landau]

No one lives.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

My favorite were mushrooms. When I was doing drugs, mushrooms were my favorite. And weed.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So nothing that crazy. You never smoked crack? Never did heroin?

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

No. No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

That. I'm aware of it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. What made you want to get clean and sober? How long has that been?

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

Well, that's been for a couple years now.

[Dave Landau]

Huh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

No mushrooms even?

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

No mushrooms even. No, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. What made you stop? I mean, if you're gonna fight it found God, sir. Where did you find him at? Was he in Zilker park, riding?

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

I was riding.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was God in Zilker park or Barton Springs? I've been looking for this guy.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

You just found him too? Anyway, I was riding in a semi truck because I was a truck driver for a long time and one morning he showed up to me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Where was he was your co pilot, Was he sitting shotgun? Where did, where did you see him at?

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

Yeah, he was sitting right next to. To me.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And what happened? What did he say to you?

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

He said that I'm going to be a comedian.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He said that?

[Paul Ciphers]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, he was joking. N. But God has a great sense of humor.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

Gods love comedy.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yes, God loves comedy. He does. But you really feel like God told you to get your life together and you were driving. But what made you stop driving semi trucks because it affected your citizenship? Because it's against the rules of your program to be here?

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

Yes, my CDL was expiring. I didn't want to cheat anymore.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

As I said, you're the first honest man with a man bun I've ever met in my entire life. This is absolutely incredible.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

I appreciate it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Mostly man bun people are huge con artists. What's the hardest, hardest day you've had? Being basically homeless here in Austin, Texas. Any close calls with heat stroke or anything?

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

No, sir, not yet.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I fucking, I go out for a cigarette for 10 minutes sometimes. I'm like, I'm fucking dying. I don't know if I can walk back across my terrace and get in my world class patio doors. I don't know how you do it. I guess cold water works though.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

Cold water.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I have one of those, so I

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

have a cold, amazing ac. So I, I'm riding the buses all day long.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice.

[Redban]

So I, I mean, you talked about how you read a book about standup comedy and you, you seem to be a fan of standup comedy. Have you written any just jokes?

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

Well, that's a good question, Mr. Redman.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I love it when people call him Mr. Redband.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

It's usually Dr. No, I didn't write, I didn't write any joke for the joke for the last maybe year now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Why, why did you stop writing jokes? And what would make you sign up for the show without doing so? Did you think it was the exact same audience when you, you from two years ago, when you came out with the tooth thing, you thought they were just going to be like, yeah, right. Whole different audience.

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I. I didn't even remember the lost tooth thing. We go through so many episodes of this thing. We turn and burn fast. What do you think is the craziest thing about your life coming from Montenegro and all of these different things? What do you think you could share with somebody out there there your biggest lesson you've ever learned or a view or something in your life?

[Dorde Kirk Edgic]

Once you find God, it's only a beginning, guys of a suffering that you and you're gonna start suffer even more.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, all right. Well, I'm not happy that I asked that question. Here, my friend. Here you go. Here's a little joke book. Next time write some jokes, come out here and try to make the people laugh. There he goes. I appreciate Georgia Kirk. Edgic, everybody.

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[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I know your next bucket pool, ladies and gentlemen. I know for a fact he's got jokes. I know for a fact he's going to do them one at after the other. Former. I mean, he's been on the show numerous times. Very funny man. Makes noise for a brand new minute. From Michael Ridley, everybody.

[Michael Ridley]

Yo, do you guys feel like we're getting propagandized in the media a lot lately? Like every form of entertainment, music, television, movies. There's always some egregious form of propaganda that they're trying to put in our faces. I was watching the new trailer for this new Transformers movie that was coming out. Yo, tell me why this motherfucker Optimus prime walks into the center of the screen, looks directly into the camera, and says, we need to protect Israel from the Decepticons. Like, yo, what the fuck are these ads right now, dog?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Megatron is an anti Semite and he must be stopped.

[Michael Ridley]

I was like, bro, I got to get YouTube Premium. What the is going on right now?

[D Madness]

Cut your penis off and become a woman.

[Chris Waldeck]

I was like, transform.

[Brian Moses]

What I've done.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I changed myself.

[Michael Ridley]

And then he turned into a star, David, and flew away.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I was like, what the going on?

[Michael Ridley]

All right, thank you, guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Michael Ridley, ladies and gentlemen, a local Austin comedian.

[Trenton Tebow]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I knew it. I knew you would do good. There he is. Welcome back, Michael.

[Michael Ridley]

How's it going, Dude, I'm letting my nuts hang, dude. I'm having a blast.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Perfect. Don't transform for anything, anyone. I love it. Let it happen. Tell us about life, Michael. Life's good.

[Michael Ridley]

Yo, what's up, Moses. How are you? I'm running Austin's chapter of Roast Battle. That's been pretty good.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell, yeah. You're like, hosting the show. Weekly shows here.

[Michael Ridley]

Buy it. No, I'm. I'm running the chapter, so I'm booking bi weekly.

[Brian Moses]

Happy Pride Month. Hell yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. The only thing I like more than weekly is Bye. Amazing. Michael Ridley.

[Michael Ridley]

Oh, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So what else is going on? You got Rose Battle going on. The show created by Brian Moses that he let every city do a version of. Do you get a cut of that?

[Vasquez]

No.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Brilliant. Anyway.

[Dave Landau]

Oh, we're.

[Michael Ridley]

We're like, third in the league. Austin is third in the whole International League.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Well, that is breaking news.

[Brian Moses]

52 cities globally, and you guys are number three because you guys do the best.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Make it up for Austin, who's one and two. Let me guess. New York.

[Brian Moses]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right, because they have to be. Yeah, because you have to say that or else the whole thing's illegitimate. If Austin's number one, when do you have Austin versus New York battles? Is that coming up anytime soon?

[Brian Moses]

It happens once a month at the Comedy Cellar.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, at the Cellar. So Austin away team on that?

[Brian Moses]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

In front of a New York audience.

[Brian Moses]

We usually bring New Yorkers here. New Yorkers come here, they get slaughtered by you guys and. Yeah, so.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, o. You should do that more often, cuz that would be more honest rankings Ooh, that's exciting. We love that bucket pool. Fun.

[Sagan Butler]

Michael.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

To give us something juicy. What's going on in life, dude?

[Michael Ridley]

I. I moved to Austin. I gave this city everything I had. I lost my truck, my mullet, and my dog.

[Vasquez]

Dude, I'm.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. That's our second country song of the night right there.

[Michael Ridley]

Dude, I'm about to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How did you lose your mullet? Take us through that process, dude.

[Michael Ridley]

It was just time, brother. Yeah, sometimes when you're losing your hair also. Hair is a woman's game, bro. Why the you care what your hair looks like? As a man, I caught myself being like, hold on.

[Redban]

It look.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It looked good, though.

[Redban]

You're like Theo Wong or something like that.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, red band. See us put them on a. Put him on a roast. Battle versus a New Yorker.

[Michael Ridley]

Yeah. So I straight up just. Dude, I just had to call it, brother. I went full on ball, brother.

[Dave Landau]

Oh.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, shit. Look at that.

[Joel Lindley]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Dude, this is the. This was the toughest guy in Dedrick's prison, by the way.

[Brian Moses]

Nagiri. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Michael Ridley]

You can take the red pill and go back to America.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Guy from James Bond. Wow. Odd job over here.

[Michael Ridley]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Incredible.

[D Madness]

It's comedy.

[Michael Ridley]

It's an odd job for sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. Love it.

[Michael Ridley]

Everything's going good, though, bro.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How'd you lose your truck?

[Michael Ridley]

How did I lose my sideswiped on 35, dude?

[Redban]

Wow.

[Michael Ridley]

CRV. White dude. Watch out for them if they're white driving a crv.

[D Madness]

I know.

[Michael Ridley]

This is crazy. An Asian guy being like, watch out for these people. Yeah, but I'm like a very. I'm a well vetted racist. I have a lot of data.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's a. That's a fe. That's a female car.

[Vasquez]

Yes.

[Michael Ridley]

CRV is a girl car for sure.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Was it a blonde female?

[Michael Ridley]

No, it was a goofy white guy from Khan, Kyle.

[Dave Landau]

Whoa.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's weird.

[Dave Landau]

There was an open mic or on the hood.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. The guy seems stoned or anything. Like, how could it just be a white guy from Kyle out there driving terribly. That sounds weird. But then again, Texas drivers are a whole different thing.

[Vasquez]

Yeah.

[Michael Ridley]

Like, as an Asian man, I'm like, you guys got to get it together.

[Chris Waldeck]

This is.

[Michael Ridley]

It's super bad. Yeah, I lost my truck.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Crazy.

[Michael Ridley]

It was a nice truck, too. It was a of couple coma.

[Redban]

Did he. Do you have insurance? Are you getting a new.

[Michael Ridley]

Yeah, he did have insurance.

[Brian Moses]

That was a.

[Michael Ridley]

That was a few years back. I lost a truck. I've taken many a l since I moved here. But I needed a w. It's a full moon tonight. It is.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It really?

[Michael Ridley]

Yeah, it's a full moon and I wanted to do good tonight, so.

[Redban]

You did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You should try to do good when. Whatever condition the moon is in.

[Michael Ridley]

I would really.

[Rodrigo Marin]

Yeah.

[Michael Ridley]

I would really like waxing, waning, any. Really. The moon is still there. We're probably still alive. So I should probably be doing food, right?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

For sure.

[Michael Ridley]

Well, thanks for having me. I appreciate it.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, okay. I'll let you go.

[Michael Ridley]

No, I just know you don't have to let me go.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let me go. I was gonna keep you up here and make you the next superstar, but. No, I'm kidding.

[Dave Landau]

I'm joking.

[Brian Moses]

Okay.

[Paul Ciphers]

Okay.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You're fantastic, Michael.

[Redban]

You're great.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I am gonna keep it moving along. There goes the great Michael Ridley, ladies and gentlemen.

[Michael Ridley]

I love you.

[Brian Moses]

Bye bye.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. All right. When I saw Michael's name on the piece of paper, I was very excited because I know Michael Ridley. I knew he was going to do jokes. Just like I said. It happened again. Just like we had two 59 year olds back to back earlier. We have two true, unbelievable joke tellers, Austin comedians. This guy is one of my favorites. I have him open for me on the road in arenas, theaters, all the time. He's the man. He's been on the show, on panel. He's done minutes on this show. He's done done it all. He's coming up with another brand new minute right now. Ladies and gentlemen, one of my favorite, truly one of my favorite, top young rising comedians in the world. Make some noise for the great Hasan Ahmad, everybody.

[Hasan Ahmad]

We're at war with the Middle east again, which will do wonders for my act. Because I'll tell you what, the terrorist jokes, we're getting all old. But now, 10 more years, baby. Shout out, Ayatollah. I did think it was crazy we stopped funding the TSA right before we attacked Iran. I thought that was crazy, right? Like. Like, I'm just getting into hockey, but I'm pretty sure you don't pull the goalie first period. I think. Let them play some defense, you know, It's a long game because here's the order of operations with what happened in Iran. One, the government shuts down. Then we stop funding the tsa. Then we attack them. Then it comes out that the guy who bought the World Trade Centers a couple months before the attacks and suspiciously insured them against terrorism just bought another tower in Los Angeles. It's like, call me paranoid, but it is very American to run a remake 20 years later, that is what we do. An LA Hollywood remake of 911. That might not be that bad, you know what I mean? Like. Like this time the hijackers are all women. Like, that's what it' a female 9 11. That could be good, you know what I mean? We could get lucky. They might miss the towers again. It's like, damn, you didn't hit the towers, but you hit the curb. How did you manage? All right, thank you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's the man himself. What did I tell you? That's my fucking guy. With a minute and a half that I haven't even heard before. That's how impressive he is. Hasan Ahmad, a guy that's out here every single week. One of the guys that I remember when we were at Vulcan Gas Company, you and Derek Post, and we're smoking out on that patio and I told you guys, I'm telling you, I think it's happening here. I think you guys should move here. And you guys listened. And you're working every single week since the big leagues.

[Hasan Ahmad]

Greatest move of my life to come here easily.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And you're just crushing it. And that's just. Again, again. That's a minute and a half that I've never heard. And we do shows together every single week. Every Tuesday, Wednesday, most Thursdays here in Austin.

[Hasan Ahmad]

Yeah, I like to write a lot of, like, stuff about what's going on in the news, so it's like pretty new a lot of the time.

[Brian Moses]

Yeah, I'm in la. Yeah. If a plane did hit la, it would make it better. Yeah, it's brutal right now. It's a bunch of guys who are like, Georgie back there, just doing fentanyl, living in the woods. It's disgusting.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What I loved, especially Hassan, is you came out and you literally, your first words were, we're at war with the Middle east again. You're starting your joke immediately. You're not pandering to the crowd, going, how we doing tonight? What's up, Kill Tony, Good to be back. I lost my tooth, remember? I don't apologize. Like, there's none of that. You're into your setup. You're not wasting any time. It makes people extremely engaged and ready. They're like, wow, this guy's to going. Going to fucking bring it. And here he is.

[Hasan Ahmad]

Yeah. That's the sort of thing when a young comics ask me about doing this, I tell them, like, man, just get into your joke. You have a minute. Nobody cares who. How the audience is feeling. We know they're having a good time,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

especially an hour And a half into the show.

[Hasan Ahmad]

Right.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's just fucking fundamentals. And that works all the time. You know, unless you're literally going up first cold opening a show, there is no need to go. How you guys doing? Are you ready for a great night? Anything like that. So you start your joke. It's an ultimate lesson because it makes people lean forward and listen to what you're doing saying. Cuz they don't want to miss the punchline. Assant. What else is going on in life?

[Hasan Ahmad]

Nothing much, just. Just working. Doing a podcast. Oh, you know what, here's something interesting. I had anal for the first time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Whoa. Hell yeah. Did it hurt? Did you poop the bed? What happened?

[Brian Moses]

Happy pride month.

[Hasan Ahmad]

Thank you.

[Dave Landau]

It was what, what was his name?

[Hasan Ahmad]

Nice. How do you think I have to open for Tony on the road?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's right. Open up those cheeks. That's the only way to do it.

[Hasan Ahmad]

No, it was a nice. It was a nice young lady. It was a nice young lady.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Hasan Ahmad]

I will say this. I. You know, there's a better option.

[Joel Lindley]

Yeah.

[Hasan Ahmad]

That's how I felt about it afterwards. I was like, ah, this is. This is fine.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

So did she ask for it? She's like, fuck me in the ass.

[Vasquez]

Yes.

[Hasan Ahmad]

Yes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow.

[Hasan Ahmad]

I've never brought it up before and now after I did it I was like, oh yeah, I don't need to bring it up again.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah.

[Trenton Tebow]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I mean that's a rare Pokemon right there.

[Redban]

When they asked for it, that's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah,

[Brian Moses]

usually when they ask for it means you got a small dick. I'm not going to.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, she asked.

[Hasan Ahmad]

She asked me before I even. She even saw my dick.

[Dave Landau]

Wow. Sn.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Look at that. She's a freak.

[Hasan Ahmad]

Oh yeah. Pretty slutty.

[Brian Moses]

Sometime on the first night.

[Hasan Ahmad]

Second night. Yes.

[Chris Waldeck]

Wow.

[Dave Landau]

Look, they could have a giant an anus.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That is true. Red band wants to know if it was a white girl.

[Hasan Ahmad]

It was a white girl. Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow. What a. Where'd you meet this broad at to?

[Hasan Ahmad]

I did shows up in Tacoma.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, Tacoma, Washington. Where first base is anal? Hell yeah. That's the good old part of the United States of America.

[Trenton Tebow]

They.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

They don't want any of this. Save the for me marriage. Attack that hole right now. What's up, you little terrorist? Get in my ass. I want you to fly your plane into my tower too. Oh my God, I love it.

[Hasan Ahmad]

I got a little Tower 7 action.

[Gerard Michaels]

Little.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know what that means, but it works. Yeah. Oh my God, I love it.

[Redban]

So what's the review like?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What how to, how to go, what

[Redban]

you feel about it.

[Hasan Ahmad]

Oh, like, I think I feel like I told you. This is like how I feel about it. I guess the way I had described it, someone was like, it's like kind of like getting the fish fillet from McDonald's in the sense that. In the sense that like. I'm glad I tried one.

[D Madness]

Yeah.

[Hasan Ahmad]

And if that's the only thing they had to eat, then I'd have one. But if there's options. Give me that number one, baby. That's what I want. Give me that number one.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. I thought you were going to to say cuz it smells funny. But that is one of the perks of being brown and Indian is your dick looks the same after anal.

[Joel Lindley]

And.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And the smell remains the same in the room. It's incredible.

[Hasan Ahmad]

You know what's funny is that so Israel created this bomb with like bad smells and it didn't work on Indians cuz they couldn't smell it. Yeah. It turns out bad smells is our fire alarm beeping.

[Sagan Butler]

Like we just.

[Hasan Ahmad]

Yeah, we just don't. We don't know when it's happening or why it's happening. It just happens.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

And a fun fact. I've worked with Hasan now for. I mean really, what has it been, a decade? It's been 10 years store and here. And I've never had you smell once. I've never smelled the smell off of you.

[Hasan Ahmad]

My mom when I was growing up was really sensitive. She's like, I don't want you to be one of those brown kids that smell.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Right. You mean all of them? She does whatever it takes. Let me ask you this. This is a crazy question, but we're very close. So I want you to maybe help perhaps. What could be considered, I think maybe one third of the planet. What advice would you give to other Indians or Bangladeshis or all the things out there? If you could give a piece of advice on how you stay smelling great Red Ban. Same question for you right after this. But I noticed that neither one of you have been. And you both look like you would smell like the devil himself. But never a whiff. Never a whiff of badness. How do you do it, man?

[Hasan Ahmad]

I just like literally shower and deodorant.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

That's awesome. Isn't that something? Isn't that something?

[Hasan Ahmad]

Ladies and gentlemen, there's no secret.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Can we. Can we get this somehow? Can we take this message and spread it all over India? Ready, band. What's your secret? Because you look like you'd stink too.

[Redban]

Sweet and sour sauce from McDonald's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You just put it underneath the AR

[Redban]

before you go out.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There you go. Unbelievable. Unbelievable response.

[Redban]

Same exact answer.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, just showers and body wash. Not that hard. Amazing stuff, Assan. You decimated the whole set, the whole interview, the whole 10 years I've known you. I've done nothing but watch you grow. You're a badass on stage and off. You're the fucking man. Don't ever change. The great asana mod. Anything you want to plug or shout out?

[Hasan Ahmad]

Yeah, I got. Check out my podcast, the Solid Show. We have a patreon coming out too, where I'll be doing cool history things on there.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah.

[Hasan Ahmad]

And on tour, a song comedy.com youm can get.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Fuck yeah. That's the man. My boy, Hassan Ahmad. Let's get one last bucket pull up here before we bring out the beast. Ladies and gentlemen, your final bucket pull of the night. Looks like a new name makes some noise for Rodrigo Marin, everybody. Rodrigo Marin.

[Rodrigo Marin]

What's up, you guys? I like going to the park just to walk around, smoke some weed. You know the two things that Greg Abbott hates. You know, guys, they're pretty cocky about their body count, right? Like, this one guy I know, he was like, my body counts like my credit score, bro, in the 300. It's like, wow, you can't lease a car and you have herpes.

[Sagan Butler]

That's.

[Rodrigo Marin]

I'm a. I'm a server at a restaurant and I had a table. Call me a retard. Yeah. My manager, she went to go talk to the table to fix it. She goes and she's like, hey, we're sorry about that, retard. Here's a gift card. Please come back. And I went back to the table,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

of course, and I was like, go ahead, finish.

[Rodrigo Marin]

I went back to the table and I was like, sorry about that, guys. All right, thank you so much.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Rodrigo Marin. Welcome. Rodrigo. You've been on the show once before?

[Rodrigo Marin]

Yeah, like about a year ago.

[Sagan Butler]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yep. Okay. How long you been on stand up? In total?

[Rodrigo Marin]

About three years.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Almost all of it here in Austin, Texas.

[Rodrigo Marin]

I did two years in San Antonio.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, San Antonio, very nice. Is that still where you live or you live here now?

[Rodrigo Marin]

I live here now.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you do for work?

[Rodrigo Marin]

So I wait tables and then I also I train people at a gym.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What kind of training do you do?

[Rodrigo Marin]

Personal training.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Nice.

[Rodrigo Marin]

Yeah, like lose weight, you know, fat to swim, skinny.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, you're on. Deep in the show here, we've had a lot of crazy stories and stuff. What do you think's the Most interesting fun fact about your life that we would find intriguing about you.

[Rodrigo Marin]

I grew up in Chicago till I was like, 13.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Let me ask it one more time about that, actually. Anything crazy happen when you were in Chicago that you remember?

[Rodrigo Marin]

Yeah, all the time. One time I had my. My bike stolen.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

He's right here. This is Brian Moses.

[Rodrigo Marin]

I thought you looked familiar. No, it was in my back. You want me to continue?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Sure.

[Redban]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Your bike. Your bicycle was. It was stolen in your backyard, and

[Rodrigo Marin]

then it wasn't, and it wasn't. But here's the thing. I went to go look for it down the street, and when I went, there was a group of kids, and one of them had my bike. And I was like. I was like, hey, that's my bike. And he was like, oh, here.

[Trenton Tebow]

Here's a.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here's your bike back. Wow. What did this group of kids look like? Can you describe. Can you describe the group of kids? Let's start with their skin color. Go ahead,

[Dave Landau]

pretend he's a cop and you're very angry.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What did these Chicago kids look like?

[Rodrigo Marin]

Well, you already guessed one word. One word.

[Brian Moses]

Montenegro. No,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I'm just kidding around. It was a black kid, though, right?

[Rodrigo Marin]

It was different color kids. It was all of them. It was like a pot of.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How about the one that had your bicycle? Really beating around the bush here.

[Rodrigo Marin]

I don't remember his race.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Ah, wow. I don't remember his race.

[Rodrigo Marin]

I don't.

[Hasan Ahmad]

Yeah.

[Brian Moses]

No snitching.

[Joel Lindley]

Hell yeah. You doing.

[Rodrigo Marin]

He could be watching.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Hell yeah. Someone wants to do roast battle tournaments. That's fun. Rodrigo, what's your love life like? You kind of have like a Mexican Pete Davidson energy to you. You out there. You're out there banging some supermodel or something. Something.

[Rodrigo Marin]

It was very original, by the way. No,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I made. I'm sure I made the same joke a year ago.

[Rodrigo Marin]

No, that. The joke that every single comedian makes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Cuz you kind of look like a Mexican Pete Davidson. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not. There's just. You're just cursed.

[Rodrigo Marin]

I'm cursed?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You can't take a shot at the guy making that joke.

[James Morris]

You.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

You look like a Mexican Pete Davidson.

[Rodrigo Marin]

I.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's like calling me gay. It's like, yeah, take a shot. Your shot. Yeah, I come across as gay. I'm aware of it. I've been doing this 20 years. I hang out with bigger bullies in the green room than anybody that comes up here. But anyway, go ahead,

[Rodrigo Marin]

love life. I. I got dumped like, a couple months ago, actually.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay. Why do you think the person dumped you? Asana mod's out there getting anal on the person. Meanwhile, you're getting dumped. Like, what goes wrong?

[Sagan Butler]

What.

[Brian Moses]

What.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you. What do you think you did to get dumped?

[Rodrigo Marin]

I think I did.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

There's Bangladeshi boys just butt American white girls and meanwhile you're out here getting dumped. Why do you think that is? I mean, he is missing the hair on top of his head. Asana mod just absolutely Bangladeshi. I mean, it is crazy that he is absolutely nutting inside of pure white blonde Tacoma, Washington girls anuses. I mean, just blasting his Bangladeshi. Anyway, go ahead.

[Sagan Butler]

Let's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know if they're laughing. I'm gonna do it again if you guys keep laughing like that. I mean, let me just say there's a real durka durka plowing the darka darka of an American American girl. There is just a 711 going into a 222. There is. There is a little stinky going into a little stanky out there in America. I could go on and on.

[Rodrigo Marin]

Maybe she likes a little stank.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Okay, why'd you get dumped? He's getting the dumper of a chick while you're getting dumped by a chick. Okay, go ahead.

[Rodrigo Marin]

Honestly. Honestly, I. I think I'm just an.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

To be honest, what do you think you did that was make fun of

[Rodrigo Marin]

her and everything all the time.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Wow, you're such a.

[Rodrigo Marin]

Not like, make fun of her like, oh, you know, like.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What would you make fun of exactly?

[Rodrigo Marin]

Just, you know, like. Like, ah, do the dishes.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I don't know, like, oh, anal again.

[Commercial Announcer]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah, do the dishes. That was your roasting of her?

[Rodrigo Marin]

Hey, Matt, keep it simple. I don't.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right, well, I can't even imagine a guy like you owning dishes. I feel like you're more of a paper plate kind of guy. Really? You have dishes?

[Rodrigo Marin]

I have. I upgraded.

[D Madness]

Wow.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Yeah. Okay.

[Rodrigo Marin]

Saves money.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

All right. Okay. You stole the plates from work.

[Rodrigo Marin]

I stole them.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Rodrigo, fun times, man. You're out here here trying your best.

[D Madness]

You know what?

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Here's the last big joke book of the night. I'll just give it to you. There goes Rodrigo Marin, everybody. There you go. You know, I'm in the giving mood right now. How about one more time for asana mod butt American girl? I mean, you just got to love it. That is the American dream. I see the looks. I could tell which white guys have never butt a Tacoma girl. Right now they're just staring at me like, how come. How come he you doing at me right Jokes. You all right? We have made it to that part of the night where we have the absolute executioner of Kill, Tony. I mean, truly. I mean, this guy is such a freak. I'm just a fan. I say this now every week. I just get to sit back and watch because he is unbelievable. He is the one and only, the real deal. This is Pat o', Neal, ladies and gentlemen.

[Paul Ciphers]

Folks,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

One time when I was a kid, I walked into my parents having sex because I heard screaming and I thought they might be having sex. I gotta check this out.

[Trenton Tebow]

You know,

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

my grandparents, they recently hired a Michael Jackson impersonator for a family party.

[D Madness]

My nephew.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Very realistic impersonation, you know,

[Brian Moses]

And I'll

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

never forget my sister's first period. Fucking bunk beds. All right, that's gonna be it. Thank you. Exactly one minute from the man you can count on, like an abacus. Pat o'. Neill.

[D Madness]

She.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus, dude. Absolutely amazing. That crazy lady threw me off in the beginning. Hey, it happens. It's going to get a little. Probably a little bit crazier every week as people see, you know, as these episodes drop again and again and again. It's incredible what you're doing. We know. We've seen it all here.

[James Morris]

Thank you, sir.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's amazing. We talking anal sex out here? Yeah, we were.

[Redban]

What do you.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

What do you know about that? You know anything about that?

[Sagan Butler]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

How you do with a big gal?

[Dave Landau]

Ooh.

[Hasan Ahmad]

Felt like the kids got lost in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.

[Brian Moses]

Augustus Poop.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God.

[D Madness]

On my.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Oh, my God. Pat o'.

[Livy Dunn]

Neal.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Jesus. Cool cop.

[Paul Ciphers]

God.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

God, man. Holy. I mean, you are just such an undeniable part of this show. And what I love is I watch you every week, you know, you do your jokes, you know what you look like, you know, the faces to make, how to deliver them. They're so on your tone and on brand. Like, if they were written down, they're funny on paper. The way you do them, you take them to a whole nother level. Like the walking in on your parents having sex, you doing that. And the faces you make and the way you deliver it, it's just amazing, man. Same thing with the Michael Jackson. I mean, Moses.

[Brian Moses]

It's just funny because it's. These are real stories he's telling.

[D Madness]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It feels real.

[Brian Moses]

I know. These are real.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Comedy is truth. Yeah. Do you remember your first joke? That first joke you ever said on stage, Page?

[Hasan Ahmad]

Yeah.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

I was trying to point out how, like, little person is a much more offensive term than. And people in Providence, Rhode island, were Having no part of it. They did not give me a chance. And yeah, yeah. That's how it starts. That's how it starts. Stop trying to make serious points after that. Yeah, well, Pat, I mean, you are just a closer of mass proportions. We love you, dude. You're unbelievable. No one puts on it like you.

[D Madness]

He's.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We're lugging him to MSG in August. Two nights you'll be in Vegas with us. We're going to have so much fun. I can't wait for you to do these giant venues. I can't wait to hear the crowd pop for you when you. I'm nervous. That's exciting. That's because you're a professional and a perfectionist and you have high expectations for yourself. That's where that nervous thing comes from. How about one more time for the great Pat o', Neal, ladies and gentlemen. How about much fun did we have tonight, huh? How about one more time for my good friend Brian Moses, everybody? He's got roast battle on YouTube. Go catch up with all the great roast battles. He's been running that thing like a champ for about 13 years. You're coming up on your 13 year anniversary, right?

[Brian Moses]

This was a great episode because we had so many Roast Battlers on here. Check out The Rose Battle YouTube channel. We have all that stuff on there. We have so much fun. We rip a lot that kind of a thing. All these comics up here tonight. Tonight. You are amazing, man. You've done an outstanding job. It's one of the most diverse shows you can ever see. Everybody's outstanding on here. You're the man. Thank you, brother.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Thank you so much. How about one more time for the great Dave Landau, everybody? He's on tour. Check out davelandow.com that's LA N-D a U dot com. Go see this man. One of the great true professional comedians.

[Dave Landau]

Thank you for having me. I really appreciate it, man.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

It's always great every time. Time you come to Austin, pal. You're on. He just closed. An amazing weekend here at the Mothership. Truly two great comedians. One more time for Dave Landow. Brian Moses, the best Zam fan in the land. Red Band. Check out the secret show every Thursday

[Redban]

at the sunsetstripatx.com Love you guys.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

We love you guys. Thank you so much. Have a great night, everybody. Sam, You know, we're all getting better about talking openly about mental health. But finding support can still feel overwhelming. Between schedules, cost, and trying to find the right therapist, it's easy to keep putting it off. That's one reason I really Like Talk

[Redban]

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[Tony Hinchcliffe]

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[Commercial Announcer]

There's a fire inside you you can't ignore. Stand still.

[Tony Hinchcliffe]

Not a chance.

[Commercial Announcer]

You're a lifelong learner who's come this far. Now we are here to help you keep going Further. Capella University what can't you do? Visit capella.edu to learn more.