#1137: April 20, 2026 (The War Room)

Summary

Knowledge Fight – Episode #1137: April 20, 2026 (The War Room)

Release Date: April 24, 2026
Hosts: Dan & Jordan

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dan calls in from somewhere deep in Iowa as he and Jordan dissect the fallout from a major event in the Infowars universe: the satirical news outlet The Onion's supposed "purchase" of Infowars. The episode focuses on the comical and pathetic responses from Infowars hosts, particularly Harrison Smith, and features a memorable (and shirtless) cameo from Alex Jones himself. The hosts explore themes of irony, right-wing paranoia, the deterioration of Infowars, and the complicated intersection between satire and extremism, all while weaving in their unique brand of banter and social commentary.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Dan's Road Trip and "Lost Nations" (00:18–12:00)

• Dan shares tales from his current road trip, noting he's "somewhere in Iowa" and playfully describing visits to places like Grand Detour and Lost Nation, Illinois and Iowa, riffing on Americana and the absurdity of small-town names.
• Lighthearted banter continues: Dan jokes that Lost Nation, Iowa might be the "lost city of Amazons" due to an absence of men, and likens his exploits to Indiana Jones (“Day one of this trip, I have found two Lost Nations. Indiana Jones couldn’t do this shit. I’m crazy.” – Dan, 07:12).
• Jordan's tattoo update: He discusses the experience of getting a new tattoo, the personal connection with his artist, and reflects on the satisfaction of being recognized as a good customer—whether at bars or tattoo parlors.

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2. 4/20, Infowars, and The Onion "Buyout" (12:25–19:59)

• The episode is set on 4/20, leading to jokes about stoner culture vs. Infowars' obsession with Hitler trivia. The hosts lampoon how reactionaries seize on irrelevant trivia for hot takes, e.g., “If it’s your first go-to as opposed to ‘hit the bong,’ weed, then you have a problem.” (Dan, 13:39)
• Focus shifts to Infowars' "ownership": Dan and Jordan introduce the day's main content—Harrison Smith, current Infowars host, reacting to The Onion’s satirical claim of buying Infowars.
• Clip highlights Harrison’s wounded pride and conspiratorial tone: “They’ve legitimately published more fake news than we have at this point…” (Harrison Smith, 16:16)
• Dan notes the irony of Infowars accusing anyone else of "fake news," pointing out that Harrison effectively "self-owns" by admitting to at least equal or greater falsehoods than The Onion.

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3. Criticizing Israel, Antisemitism, and Right-Wing Co-Opting of Outrage (19:25–23:27)

• Harrison Smith brings up IDF soldier vandalizing a Jesus statue: “Disturbing image…here’s the Judeo part right there. Isn’t that interesting?” (Harrison Smith, 19:25)
• Dan and Jordan emphasize the difference between earnest criticism of Israel’s government and bigoted dog whistles:

  “They’re trying to hijack other people’s sincere outrage about a genocide and use that to demonize all Jews.” (Dan, 21:08)

• They critique the tactic: turning real issues like war crimes into vehicles for antisemitism—a repetitive right-wing pattern.

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4. Satire, The Establishment, and the State of Infowars (23:34–38:31)

• Harrison claims The Onion is “the establishment,” to which Dan and Jordan point out the term’s increasing meaninglessness:

  “The establishment doesn’t carry any kind of consistent position anymore. It’s all just…well-funded, or not so desperate for money that you would sell a low IQ hat.” (Dan, 27:05)

• Discussion about who’s really “establishment,” with Infowars’ self-image as scrappy outsiders despite years of billionaire money.
• Dan and Jordan reflect on their own “outsider” status in media—and the paradox that comes as everyone drifts into “establishment” territory.
• Classic Knowledge Fight meta-joke emerges: Since no one on Infowars ever says their show’s name, maybe they are the real puppet-masters (“It does kind of make you think that we are running Infowars.” – Dan, 38:27)

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5. “Defamation,” Comedy, and the Limits of Parody (30:09–51:31)

• Harrison accuses The Onion and its CEO, Ben Collins, of criminal conspiracy—“They can rig a federal bankruptcy proceeding and just nothing happens to them.”—which Dan notes is classic Infowars: cry “lawfare,” defame, then play victim.
• Extended section on how difficult it is to effectively parody Infowars, since their reality is already outlandish (“Their content’s just too stupid to parody…there’s no joke funnier than [Harrison] pretending that he deserves to be taken seriously.” – Dan, 34:27).
• Harrison attempts to prove The Onion isn’t funny by reading headlines with smug disdain—ironically funnier than the headlines themselves (“Trying so hard to not enjoy something is funny on its own face.” – Jordan, 48:57)

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6. Slurs, Bigotry, and the Low of the War Room (38:59–46:37)

• A disturbing segment: Harrison Smith, in a fit of fury against Ben Collins, resorts to calling him “boot-licking queer”, “twink”, and—in a truly shocking moment—“faggoty.”
  • (Explicit Quote/Content Warning; 41:16)
  • Dan and Jordan are disgusted:

    “This is wild stuff…This is Harrison being out of his lane.” (Dan, 41:52)

  • They highlight the hypocrisy of Smith’s supposed moral outrage and critique how such attacks reveal the ugly underbelly of Infowars discourse.
• Dan also catches the contradiction: Smith attacks mainstream coverage of Israeli war crimes as cowardly, but Alex Jones himself parroted pro-Israel messaging after the Gaza hospital bombing (see 44:03–44:53).

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7. Shirtless Alex Jones, Chaos, and Infowars Ennui (54:40–66:40)

• Shirtless Alex Jones appears mid-show (roughly 54:45–59:59):
  • “Alex has slowly lumbered onto the set wearing no shirt, standing behind the desk while Harrison looks on and tries to maintain his self-respect.” – Dan, 55:25
  • Instead of fireworks, Alex seems spent: “All the customers who are going to migrate to the new store are already doing it. So if he blows up or not, the bottom line is the same. Sleepy Alex staggering in without a shirt feels like low effort, low commitment Infowars.” (Dan, 56:06)
• Dan likens the scene to a “drunk stepdad”: pathetic instead of chaotic; Infowars as a spent force.
• Alex’s riff about the shirt “stolen by The Onion”: Dead on arrival joke, as he continues to lamely pitch his own supplement store from the shadows.
• Harrison maintains the fiction that Infowars is still more popular than The Onion, citing AI bot “Grok”: (“Grok told me. I talked to my robot friend. He told me I was looking up. I talked to robots. They said I was cooler.” – Dan, 59:26)
• Jordan and Dan reflect on the deflating spectacle: There's no energy, no stakes, no audience left to shock.

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8. The State of Infowars: Declining Relevance & Denial (62:06–67:27)

• Post-Jones, Harrison returns, and soon Alex comes back (with a shirt) but is “boring as hell.”
• Dan points out the transparent lies about disliking wealth when Alex’s luxury watches and purchase records tell a different story.
• The episode closes with Dan reflecting he’ll keep hunting for new discoveries “on his dumb trip” and continue chronicling Infowars’ ongoing unraveling.

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Notable Quotes & Moments With Timestamps

• “Day one of this trip, I have found two Lost Nations. Indiana Jones couldn’t do this shit. I’m crazy.” – Dan, 07:12
• “They’re trying to hijack other people’s sincere outrage about a genocide and use that to demonize all Jews.” – Dan, 21:08
• “The establishment doesn’t carry any kind of consistent position anymore. It’s all just…well-funded, or not so desperate for money that you would sell a low IQ hat.” – Dan, 27:05
• “There’s no joke funnier than [Harrison] pretending that he deserves to be taken seriously. Like the existence of it is a great joke.” – Dan, 34:27
• Harrison Smith’s outburst: “You little rat. You little coward. You little scumbag. Boot licking queer. … Twink. … In a cowardly and tepid just faggoty sort of way.” – Harrison Smith, 40:38–41:16 [⚠️ hateful language]
• “Alex has slowly lumbered onto the set wearing no shirt…What is clearly visible on the desk, however, is a hat that says low iq. … Alex knew everyone wanted a blow up and he just can’t muster the energy to do it.” – Dan, 55:25
• “Sleepy Alex staggering in without a shirt feels like low effort, low commitment Infowars.” – Dan, 56:06

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:18–12:00: Dan’s Midwestern Odyssey; Lost Nation jokes; Jordan’s tattoo update
• 12:25–19:59: April 20/4:20 gags; The Onion’s satirical buyout; Infowars’ conspiracy flailing
• 19:25–23:27: IDF statue incident; antisemitism and right-wing hijacking of criticism
• 23:34–38:31: “Establishment” critique; media self-image; meta-Knowledge Fight jokes
• 30:09–35:09: Defamation, audience denial, and the futility of lawsuits
• 38:59–46:37: Harrison’s bigoted slurs against Ben Collins; hypocrisy laid bare
• 54:40–56:36: Shirtless Alex Jones enters; low-energy spectacle
• 62:06–67:27: Dan and Jordan close with denouement on Infowars’ downward spiral

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Tone & Language

Dan and Jordan maintain their signature mix of sharp-eyed cynicism, silliness, and righteous frustration at Infowars’ bigotry and self-pity. Their banter is full of puns, self-deprecation, and meta-commentary, punctuated by zero tolerance for hate or hypocrisy.

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Conclusion

Episode #1137 is emblematic of Knowledge Fight’s consistent strengths: irreverent but incisive commentary on right-wing fever dreams, insightful media critique, and compassionate, sometimes hilarious banter. The declining fortunes at Infowars offer an almost tragicomic backdrop, as even its own hosts can’t muster the energy to care anymore—while Dan and Jordan are still here, mapping the lost nations of American weirdness and hate.

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For more episodes: knowledgefight.com

Transcript

[Jordan]

Foreign.

[Andy]

Knowledge Fight. Dan and Jordan. I am sweating knowledgefire.com. it's time to pray. I have great respect for Knowledge Fight. Knowledge Fight. I'm sick of them posing as if they're the good guys saying we are the bad guys. Knowledge Dan and your Knowledge Fight

[Jordan]

need money.

[Andy]

Andy and Kansas.

[Dan]

Andy and Andy.

[Andy]

Stop it. Andy and Kansas. Andy in Kansas, it's time to pray. Andy in Kansas, you're on the air. Thanks for holding. Hello, Alex.

[Dan]

I'm a first time caller.

[Andy]

I'm a huge fan.

[Jordan]

I love your word. Knowledge fight.

[Andy]

Knowledge fight dot com. I love you.

[Dan]

Hey everybody, welcome back to Knowledge Fight. I'm Dan.

[Jordan]

I'm Jordan.

[Dan]

We're a couple dudes like to sit around, worship at the altar of Celine, talk a little bit about Alex Jones.

[Jordan]

Oh, indeed we are.

[Dan]

Dan Jordan.

[Jordan]

Dan, Jordan, quick question for you.

[Dan]

What's up?

[Jordan]

What's your bright spot today, buddy?

[Dan]

My bright spot today, Jordan, is that I am off on the road. Hey, I'm calling you right now and we're having this talk. You don't know where I am.

[Jordan]

No, I don't.

[Dan]

And you know what? You want to know something fun? I don't know where I am.

[Jordan]

That's good news.

[Dan]

I have basically no idea where I am. I was like, where? I can tell you that I'm in Iowa. I know that.

[Jordan]

Are you on the way to somewhere else and you felt like you had

[Dan]

to stop kind of. 50, 50. I didn't have to stop. I probably could have.

[Jordan]

That's a weird thing. Okay, 50, 50. All right.

[Dan]

I could have driven further probably, but I was getting a little bit, a little bit sore and I wanted to settle in, get a little bit of work done. And so it was the time to stop. But I have no idea. I'm somewhere in Iowa. But I had quite a day yesterday of a launch. I took off from Chicago and I had planned to go to somewhere in Iowa. Like a messing around. It seems like a fun state. What's going on in there? I realize that a lot of the ambition for my trip is figuring out what's going on places and like why do I need to know what's going on places anyway? Iowa, I'm looking into you. So.

[Jordan]

Okay, it's.

[Dan]

It's not quite that they're on notice. It's that I'm like, I'm poking around.

[Jordan]

Okay, I gotcha. I gotcha. This is not a like, you know, general state of the country, Vietnam war kind of what's going on. Just a regular. Well, maybe what's going On. Oh, it is.

[Dan]

Because, you know, it's the 250th anniversary of America. Maybe it is.

[Jordan]

You're right.

[Dan]

Yeah. So maybe it is. Trying to figure out what's going on.

[Jordan]

I don't. I don't think people need to figure it out. I think what's going on is very clear in their faces these days.

[Dan]

I'm getting. I'm getting a vibe. I'm getting a strong sense. So I was going to go, you know, and I still am. I'm still going to spend some time here in Iowa.

[Jordan]

Sure.

[Dan]

Wherever the hell I am in Iowa right now. But I'm driving. I'm driving.

[Jordan]

Jordan, you're driving.

[Dan]

Turns out there's a city called Grand Detour in Illinois.

[Jordan]

Right.

[Dan]

And I think, wouldn't it be funny if I took a grand detour to Grand Detour?

[Jordan]

I mean, you went to Aroma park, so you're doomed to punning now. Punning is how you go through life.

[Dan]

Yes. So I went to Grand Detour. I took that detour. Apparently John Deere tractors started there. I had no idea.

[Jordan]

It's a real out of the way kind of place.

[Dan]

Quite. Yeah. Not much going on. I got to stare at a river for a while. Rock River. That was gorgeous. And I liked watching the flow of the river, but there wasn't a whole lot to do there. So I'm in that kind of a

[Jordan]

sign to go in a different direction

[Dan]

or just move on. So I'm continuing my travels. What do I stumble across but a town called Lost Nation, Illinois. Okay, I found them. It's.

[Jordan]

You should receive no reward for that. I demand. I demand no reward for that.

[Dan]

I was there. I saw it. I got it checked. Check it off the list.

[Jordan]

Dud, Dud. Dud.

[Dan]

And you know what I found?

[Jordan]

What?

[Dan]

Nothing.

[Jordan]

What if it's a double bluff and that's where Atlanteans are living these days. Right. Like, there's no way you would think you'd be like, nah, there's no way that it's them. But that's what they want you to think by making it obvious, you know,

[Dan]

there was Lost Lake there. And I tried to. I tried to go mess around with the lake a little bit, but. But it seemed like all the roads, like, everything that was close to the lake ended up being on someone else's property.

[Jordan]

Sure.

[Dan]

So I would have to have, like, crossed people's yards and stuff to get to the lake, and I didn't want to do that. So I just kind of left Lost Nation alone.

[Jordan]

Yeah. Well, I mean, presumably if you ventured too far in there, you would never be able to return. I.

[Dan]

It's a risk I'm willing to take. I mean, if I find the Atlanteans, then it's all worth it.

[Jordan]

It's probably a better life. That's why they're still hanging around, right?

[Dan]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dan]

So I get back in the car, I'm plugged, poking around on my gps, and wouldn't you fucking know it? There's a lost nation in Iowa. There's another city called Lost Nation.

[Jordan]

Okay.

[Dan]

It's a little bit too far, but I decide, fuck it. I'm gonna go see both. Both lost nations in a day.

[Jordan]

I would bet you see more than one.

[Dan]

So I went to Lost Nation, Iowa, also. That was my. That was my continuation of that little. Little jaunt.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dan]

And there's a little more to see in Lost Nation, Iowa, I will say, but not a whole lot. Kind of a sleepy town. There was a pub there and, like, a main drag. Just one street. This is not indicative of the town itself.

[Jordan]

Okay.

[Dan]

But I only saw women there. Only women on the street.

[Jordan]

Okay.

[Dan]

I think that it might be the lost city of Amazons.

[Jordan]

Okay?

[Dan]

Maybe the lost nation of wherever Wonder Woman came from could. There are no dudes anywhere. It was boring. Anyway, the point. The point is that I, day one of this trip, have found two lost nations. Indiana Jones couldn't do this shit. I'm crazy.

[Jordan]

Actually, he could. That's one of the things that he really does. He's done it a few times. Even in the movies, right?

[Dan]

A few.

[Jordan]

Found aliens.

[Dan]

Yeah. Give me time.

[Jordan]

I'm giving you time. You better get out.

[Dan]

Nations in a day.

[Jordan]

You got to find the skull of an alien to get it going.

[Dan]

This is like Kanye's making eight beats a day for a summer. I got two lost nations in a day.

[Jordan]

You.

[Dan]

You try.

[Jordan]

I mean, it's. It's. It's. There. There's a rope.

[Dan]

I'm the world's greatest archaeologist and anthropologist, and I'm excited to see what else I can find on this dumb trip.

[Jordan]

But he wasn't a very good professor, and I think you'd be better than Indy at that.

[Dan]

No, probably not. Maybe. Who knows? Look, the other thing was that I was gonna camp, and I'd meant to do that, but I wanted to get in a shower this evening. I felt. I felt. Or yesterday, I felt a little bit. So I chose a shitty hotel somewhere in Iowa. And I swear to you, I can't figure out how to turn on the shower There is no knob. There is no nothing. I could turn on the water just fine.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dan]

But switching it from faucet to shower head, I can't figure it out. I'm too embarrassed to go ask. And to make matters worse, I also, like. As I was having the water heat up before I would have put it to the shower head, I noticed it wasn't draining. And so now there's standing water in the tub, but I can't get it to drain.

[Jordan]

Oh, boy, oh, boy.

[Dan]

I would have been better off at a camp.

[Jordan]

And the clock is 10 minutes behind. I think they're fucking with you. I think they're fucking with you or the person who was in that room before you was like, you have no idea how funny this is going to be to nobody later on in life.

[Dan]

It's. It stinks of sabotage.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dan]

So anyway, I'm having a good time, but what's. What's your bright spot?

[Jordan]

My bright spot is yesterday we did the outline for my next tattoo. It's on the. On the side, under a little bit on the armpit. And I'll tell you something right there. Little sensitive, a little bit of a. Yeah, yeah, a little spot. But overall, it's. It's really not that bad. And the tattoo itself is gonna be gorgeous. It's amazing. Once again, Caitlin Drake McKay. My. My artist.

[Dan]

And you were saying that you were going in without really knowing what she designed. Right.

[Jordan]

I give. I send her some inspiration or something along those lines, and she's. She's so good on this last one. I sent her a specific galaxy, and she wound up going down a little rabbit hole of learning all about it and all that stuff. And then she makes some art based on that. And she's so good and so talented that why would I want it anywhere else somebody else might have it? And then it's gone from me for good. So it's perfect.

[Dan]

True.

[Jordan]

And then she said. Then she said, and this is what's important to me. This is my main bright spot, because this is something about myself that I've. I've realized over the years, like, with bartenders, I had a. When I was alone, that there were bartenders. I would go to those bars regularly, and eventually the bartenders would be like, man, you're a good dude. I like having you in this bar. Fuck, yeah. That, to me is like, I won. I beat you. You know, it's that kind of thing. And she said, I really enjoy. Enjoy tattooing you. And I was like, boom, Done. That makes me feel so good. Because other people are assholes to everybody.

[Dan]

Yeah. Yeah. You know what? I feel like I want to celebrate this in terms of the. The. The tattooist and you. But I think most of my memories of the bartender version of exactly what you're talking about were not sincere. I think they were. I think they were fucking with me because I tipped well.

[Jordan]

Listen, there was. There was one specific bar that was across the street from my apartment that had roughly one person work there and one person go there. And both of those were me and the bartender. So it was all right.

[Dan]

He was your by default favorite customer.

[Jordan]

Yeah, exactly. That's the way.

[Dan]

Awesome. I'm excited to see the new piece. I think it's always exciting. So, Jordan, today we have an episode to do while I'm out here in the middle of Iowa. And that is we need to check back in on 4:20. Hit the bong. Hit the bong. Hit the bong.

[Jordan]

All right, all right.

[Dan]

Cause the War Room happened after Alex went off air.

[Jordan]

Harrison Smith in the War Room.

[Dan]

Harrison Smith hosting the War Room. This is, of course, the day that the news broke that the Onion had taken the reins over at Infowars. So I thought, you know, we got Alex's response. Let's take a little time to see what the dweebs out there think. So we'll do that, and I will guarantee you a guest appearance from Alex.

[Jordan]

Okay?

[Dan]

He will show up. It is not just gonna be Harrison. It's gonna be too much Harrison, because any is too much. But we'll deal with it. So we start off, and he's. He's talking about how it's 4:20, baby.

[Harrison Smith]

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the War Room. I'm your host, Harrison Smith, coming to you live on this 20th of April. It's 4:20, y'.

[Dan]

All.

[Harrison Smith]

The crew is cheering. I don't know if you could hear that. The crew is literally cheering. They love Hitler. I guess. I don't know. Kind of weird, but all right, whatever. You're into it.

[Dan]

Look, I get that everyone knows that 420 is Hitler's birthday. I understand that. But if it's your first go to, as opposed to hit the bong, weed, then you have a problem.

[Jordan]

Yeah, I'm a big fan of holding around some sort of device that I can press that they would make a big bo sound. And I would boo both of those. I would boo the 421. Frankly, weed is medicine. You can't have fun now. You can't. It can't be fun anymore. It used to Be fun when you had to, like, go find a guy who had dirt weed who would then want to hang out with you afterwards.

[Dan]

But see, but see, to me, 420 is still a celebration of that.

[Jordan]

Sure.

[Dan]

To me, it's still a celebration of beanbag chairs, weird lighting, and lava lamps.

[Jordan]

Sure, sure. But we're old.

[Dan]

Fine. It's still my culture.

[Jordan]

Fair enough. Fair enough. Old culture. Fair enough. Fair enough. Who am I? Who am I?

[Dan]

I come from a culture where 420 is funny and it has to do with all those trappings of I'm gonna get high. I'm gonna watch. How high?

[Jordan]

Yeah, obviously.

[Dan]

Or half Baked or bong water and then going to eat a bunch of shit. It's going to be great, man.

[Jordan]

Harlan Williams. Harlan Williams at half baked. That's the only star I can think of.

[Dan]

The correct way to look this is 420 is about weed. Oh, did you know that it's also Hitler's birthday?

[Jordan]

Right?

[Dan]

If you say 420 is Hitler's birthday. Oh, did you also know the people like it for weed?

[Jordan]

Right.

[Dan]

You're a mess.

[Jordan]

That is a problem. That is a problem. I would still boo it, though. It's still a boo. Because I think it's one of those now, like, trivia facts that has gone from the realm of being interesting to tell somebody to, like. Yeah, we all fucking know that. That's one of those trivia facts now. Like that the Statue of Liberty is from France. Everybody kind of gets that now. As opposed to it being a fun fact.

[Dan]

Yeah, fair enough. I mean, like, I respect and admire your right to boo anything. Just boo. Boo away.

[Jordan]

I'm a booer. I'm a hater.

[Dan]

So we have another clip of Harrison here. No boo.

[Jordan]

Well done. Well done.

[Dan]

Saracen had, like, a whole show planned. I swear to God, it was going to be so good. But then the Onion bought them.

[Harrison Smith]

No, I had a whole show planned out. And then about five minutes ago, it was announced that the Onion is buying infowars. Maybe potentially they might in the future buy infowars. This is, of course, is the second time that the Onion has done the media rounds claiming that they own infowars, which means that they've legitimately published more fake news than we have at this point, because it's just. That's not true. That's not true. Maybe. Maybe it's eventually true. We'll get into it. I'm gonna spend a lot of time on that. We'll be joined by Rex Jones in the third hour. We'll certainly talk about it. We'll get into it. And we'll also, in general. And just by virtue of the modern cultural landscape, we will be funnier than the Onion ever is these days. It's kind of sad that that's the case. Again, we'll get into it. We'll get into it.

[Dan]

We're going to be hilarious. And for professional insight, we're going to be bringing in Alex's son.

[Jordan]

I was just. I realized something. We've. We've always considered him to be somebody who wants to go out with that Colonel Travis kind of way. Maybe he wants to go out there will be bloodway. You know, like he screams, I've abandoned my boy. And then he beats Harrison Smith to death. And then he says it's finished. You know, maybe that's the way to go.

[Dan]

You know, hey, maybe. Or ooh, here's a possibility. He wants his son to be Colonel Travis. He has his son to die.

[Jordan]

Hey, buddy, you get out there. You're gonna have a great time.

[Dan]

Yeah, go down with the ship, kid.

[Jordan]

You're the captain now, dog.

[Dan]

So I think also that like, they have now officially published more fake news than us. That means that when it was when they had just lied about buying it once, they both had been equal. Equal in terms of fake news.

[Jordan]

Right, right, right.

[Dan]

So this is them admitting. This is Harrison admitting that Infowars has published some fake news.

[Jordan]

Sure, sure. But only by a plus one.

[Dan]

It's still.

[Jordan]

It's like that. No, it's an algebra problem. You know, it's. X +1 is the amount of fake news that the Onion produces as compared to inf. So even if x is 0, x plus 1 still means that they're the victor in terms of. Well, or whatever it is you like.

[Dan]

But X can't be zero because the last time they did this, it was fake news.

[Jordan]

Ooh, that's a good point. So at the very least, Harrison Smith is admitting to lying about one thing.

[Dan]

Yeah, yeah. And now they've officially. Onion has officially taken the lead. This is a self own here, man. Come on.

[Jordan]

I like this kind of Mario Kart style of lies. You guys got to shoot the blue shell at the Onion. Maybe you get to keep empowers.

[Andy]

You dumbass.

[Dan]

Shot a blue shell at yourself. So Harrison isn't only going to talk about the Onion, but it is going to be a lot about the Onion. Sure. He has some other world news that I think is relevant to talk on.

[Harrison Smith]

Finally, disturbing image shows IDF soldier smashing Jesus statue with acts in Lebanon or As I like to call it, displaying Judeo Christian values. Folks, here's the Christian part of that. Here's the Judeo part right there. Isn't that interesting?

[Dan]

Whoa. So I often say that I don't think there's anything wrong with criticizing Israel, and I should actually probably be more direct than that. I think there's something necessary about criticizing Israel. I don't say that the criticism of Israel is okay as an attempt to both sides of the issue. The only thing I'm trying to bring attention to is that these people, like Tucker and Harrison, do not care about the same things that a sincere critic of Israel or Zionism cares about. They're trying to hijack other people's sincere outrage about a genocide and use that to demonize all Jews. And I think that this clip is a helpful illustration of that distinction that I'm trying to get at. Harrison is saying that the image of an IDF soldier smashing a statue of Jesus illustrates the Judeo and Christian parts of Judeo Christian values. He's saying that Jews are hell bent on destroying Christianity, and you'd kind of have to be an idiot to not understand exactly what he's saying. What Harrison and folks like him try to do is take the very real criticisms of Israel and throw bigotry into them. Like, fold it into the mix while pretending that what they're doing and the version of criticism that they're engaging in is based in righteousness and like, they are they're heroes standing up to a bully or whatever, but they're really more motivated in Trojan horsing this bigotry into it.

[Jordan]

Yeah, I mean, that's the strategy that's worked for them for the past 40 years or whatever. You know, like whenever they first got onto the Internet, very useful and necessary criticisms of the United States were ready and available. And they tricked people into taking those and turning them into shouldn't we be Nazis? You know, that's their strategy.

[Dan]

It is largely what's done. Like when the bailouts in 2009 and shit were going on. There's serious, serious, necessary criticisms of capitalism and the situation that we had all gotten ourselves into. And they pretended to care about that while yelling about Rothschild bankers and, you know, that kind of shit. It's what. It's what they do. They fold these dumb shit things into things that other people might care about if they were, you know, if they take it seriously.

[Andy]

Yep.

[Dan]

So I, you know, my interest is a lot in that distinction because I think that it's very easy to think that someone is on your side or cares when they do not.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Dan]

And that. That. That people need to play a little defense, I think a little. You know, it's not about purity testing or anything, but there's. There's. There is a level of defense that's required in the information war.

[Jordan]

Sure. Well, I mean, I think it's easy to kind of turn it into a malicious thing or. Or a kind of intelligent thing by calling it kind of a controlled opposition, because the opposition itself reinforces the dominant status quo. But it's more like a manipulated opposition. These people think some of them, or enough of them think they are fighting what you think you are fighting, only they're Nazis, you know, they're tricked, and

[Dan]

they think that they're doing it better and more righteously. And the only correct way to do it. Yeah, but their only correct way to do it involves, you know, taking an image of an IDF soldier and being like, this is Jewish. Yeah, this is what Jewish people are. This is Judeo. You know, like, it's like, that's. Come on, man.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dan]

So the Onion does not own infowars. Right.

[Harrison Smith]

Like, go over it. Just. Onion doesn't own us. But. But, like, this is what. I mean, we could not. Not that we would anyway, but we could not start publishing things saying, we are ms, we're NBC. This is NBC saying that, you know, whatever. And just like saying stuff like, we just couldn't do that. We'd get sued. It wouldn't be allowed. They're just doing it. This is the second time they've done it, gone on TV and told people, we own Infowars. What do you think that's gonna do? Obviously, people are gonna believe it because it's on the news, because they actually are the liars. They actually are the fakers. They actually do just straight up lie to your face about things with the intention of destroying InfoWars, of convincing people, oh, I better not support Infowars because they've been sold, and I don't want to support the Onion.

[Dan]

That argument does not hold up because the Onion can't demoralize the Infowars audience anymore. At this point, Harrison is trying to pretend that the Onion is pretending to own Infowars so people stop buying Alex's supplements from Infowars. But Alex has already directed them to do that. Any true Infowars fans are already only buying from Bigly, so there isn't an audience that's being persuaded to stop buying shit because they don't want their money to go to the Onion. No one's buying shit from Infowars anymore, which is why they can't pay their rent, which is why the Onion was able to make this deal. If the Onion controlling Infowars somehow impacted the Alex Jones store or Bigly, then this would be a different situation. But as it is, Alex has already self inflicted all of the damage that Harrison is pretending the Onion is trying to do here. It's just a conspiracy with no point.

[Jordan]

Yeah. Wouldn't you be like, yeah, do it? Guys, we. Anybody who is still straggling with moving from one platform to the other, you guys have helped us get rid of them. Now they have to move to Bigley, otherwise they're going to support the Onion.

[Dan]

Yeah. Yeah. You have given us a high profile, putting us out of our stoked. Yeah. Yep. And I think on some level, they are. You know, but I also, you know, it's a mixed bag. It's a mixed bag. I think probably, you know, there's a lot of. There's a lot of pros to it, but then there's a lot of cons. You have a lot of people making fun of you, and that's never fun.

[Jordan]

Yeah, we've. We've definitely proven that making fun of people can cost them money. If you do it well enough and hurts your feelings.

[Dan]

It hurts feelings.

[Jordan]

Sure. I mean, it's the. The move is to lie and be real mad about it and then secretly be, like, giddy about how they're giving you more money.

[Dan]

So Harrison complains a bit more about the Onion, and it's. I mean, he's. He is dull.

[Harrison Smith]

This is the article from the Onion. At long last, Infowars is ours. No, it's not that. Like, what. What. What are you talking about? This is the thing. It just doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because you understand, they're the establishment. You understand, the Onion is the establishment. The Onion is the bad guys. We don't take ourselves too seriously. We sell low IQ hats because we, you know, mock the whole idea of the establishment dictating to us what we can and can't say can and can't believe.

[Dan]

So to be clear, they sell low IQ hats because Alex is a bottom feeder who survives by monetizing any attention that comes his way. And he thought that getting insulted by the president was a pretty good opportunity.

[Jordan]

Yeah, great opportunity.

[Dan]

The guy he spent a decade saying was brought to power by God called him an idiot. So he made a hat that you can wear that says idiot because you're a free thinker. And in fairness, Harrison is kind of right that the Onion is the establishment, but that term really doesn't mean anything anymore. Trump is the establishment. CNN's the establishment. Elon Musk's the establishment. The Daily show is the establishment. The establishment doesn't carry any kind of consistent position anymore. It's all just, it kinda just means well funded or not so desperate for money that you would sell a low IQ hat. Like it's, it doesn't mean anything. Like it felt like it used to. Like the man doesn't. Everyone's selling out. Everyone. Like there's no shame in selling out anymore. It's not the world that we grew

[Jordan]

up in who's owned by the right billionaire. Like there's probably a billionaire that. Doesn't a billionaire own the Onion and a billionaire owns CNN and a billionaire owns all that stuff.

[Dan]

That's the establishment, if not owned, you know, has financial ties too, you know, or whatever.

[Jordan]

If you can't. The thing about it, right, is if you can call somebody to change their bullshit, then those people already operate under the idea that pleasing you involves changing their bullshit. So before you have to call and say anything, you have changed your bullshit. That's the way that that kind of functions.

[Dan]

Yeah. There's a prior constraint that comes along with, or at least the image of that, the feel of that. And that's not to say that the Onion isn. Have no reason to believe that they don't have as much independence as, as you can have. But they, you know, it would be silly to imagine that they're not like connected to very rich people with strong interests and things too. Yep. So I don't know, but like, so's Infowars. So like, are they the establishment too?

[Jordan]

Yeah, basically. I think we're. We're all the only people who are not the establishment.

[Dan]

I think that, I think that they're not, but only because they're such dorks. Like, I think because they do things like sell low IQ hats, the establishment doesn't want them. But Alex could still probably call some rich people. They just wouldn't give him money. They answer, but they wouldn't give him money.

[Jordan]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, the reason that selling out has to happen now is because it feels like the only way to get an established audience is by joining the establishment. Otherwise you'll be like us and you'll kind of be really cool, but on the edge, on the outside.

[Dan]

I don't know if I'm that cool, but I did find two lost nations in a day which seems to be A record. I found them.

[Jordan]

The Onion didn't find shit.

[Dan]

Nope. So in this next clip, Harrison, I would say, accuses Ben Collins, the CEO of the Onion, of a crime that Ben could almost certainly sue Harrison for.

[Harrison Smith]

He's like, ben Collins, who's the CEO of the Onion, is the one telling everybody that he purchased us. But again, it just. They can lie. They can misrepresent us. They can say that they're us. They can claim that they own us. Nothing happens to them. They can rig a federal bankruptcy proceeding and just nothing happens to them. They just get away with. Really is crazy. And, like, that, to me, is the only, like, disheartening thing about this. So, you know, I don't really care about the Onion. I mean, for the record, I went ahead and asked Grok today, infowars has two times the traffic of the Onion, at least, like, on a monthly basis. And this is with the Onion having poured millions and millions of dollars trying desperately to regain the cultural cache that they have lost over the last several decades.

[Dan]

I think Ben could sue Harrison for that. Like, Ben's almost certainly a public figure, so the defamation threshold is high. But Harrison's accusing him of a crime, and he absolutely knows that accusation is false as he's saying it. There's no way that this isn't defamatory. But more importantly, I'm glad that Harrison's robot friend reassured him that he was more popular than the Onion. It's interesting that he uses the metric of Internet traffic, because the whole push of the new Onion has been to bring back the print version of the paper. It's not like they've abandoned the Internet or stopped trying to get traffic, but their focus has been on the paper, and by anyone's count, that's been quite a big success. They've done a good job of bringing back the physical copy of the paper, which makes me want to ask Harrison if he wants to go back to Grok and ask how the circulation of Infowars magazine is going or if that hasn't existed in, like, 12 years because no one wanted it. But I have it. I got.

[Jordan]

Yes, you do. Yes, you do. No doubt.

[Dan]

Antiques. No, not quite 12 years as an antique, but we're getting there.

[Jordan]

Yeah. I mean, I. I hate to say this, but as far as. As far as advertisements for not suing for defamation goes, I think where we are is about as good as it gets.

[Dan]

Right.

[Jordan]

You know?

[Dan]

Right. Well, I agree, and I think that it wouldn't be worth his time to sue. I only bring it up as, like, you know, part and parcel of what Harrison is doing is like, they get away with so much, and we can't get away with anything. And just to highlight, like, no, you engage in casual defamation that no one even cares about because they know it would be too much trouble to deal with your dumb asses who don't cooperate in courts. So, like, you get away with everything.

[Jordan]

Yeah. I mean, it. It must be said that that strategy is absolutely correct and that the legal system is fucked.

[Dan]

I only want to change the word correct to useful.

[Jordan]

There we go. Much better.

[Dan]

Correct implies it's what you should do. Not that it's. It's just that it's effective.

[Jordan]

I mean, if you're against the law.

[Dan]

So Harrison reflects here a little bit about other times people have tried to parody Infowars.

[Harrison Smith]

There was an attempt to do this. There was an attempt to do this on Comedy Central with a show. I can't even remember what it's called now. But they tried to do. Because Colbert was good at this. Stephen Colbert could mock the right wing and it would be insightful and hilarious and funny. Well, and at the time, he was mocking neocons, so it was easy, you know, it wasn't the populist right that it is now. And they thought they could do that again. They thought like, well, we struck gold with Colbert and the Colbert Report, where he was playing basically, you know, Fox News anchor. And they thought, we'll do it again. You know, the landscape has changed. Fox News is a big threat. Infowars is now. So they had some show I literally cannot remember the name of. Guys, y' all know the Dispatch or something. I can't remember what it was, but it was on for like a season or two. And they had all the papers and they had the microphone. I mean, they made it look like Infowars. And it was a big Infowars parody. And it just. Nobody watched it, nobody cared about it. It failed.

[Dan]

So that show was called the Opposition with Jordan Klepper. And I'm glad that Harrison reminded me of it so I could go revisit some of the old segments that Tim Baltz did as a citizen journalist.

[Jordan]

Oh, that's fun.

[Dan]

I want Baltz to have all the possible work in the world. He's the best. But if the Opposition hadn't gotten cancelled, I might not have gotten. Hey, Randy. So I'm a little conflicted, and maybe I'm glad it went away. Cause hey, Randy is the greatest thing that has ever happened. It's fun for Harrison to say that the reason that satire of the current right wing doesn't work is because they're too right about everything. But the reality is that their content's just too stupid to parody. His boss thinks God tells him what time it is in the middle of the night so he'll know it's really God who's sending him on missions. That's the reality of Harrison's life and work situation. And there's no joke funnier than him pretending that he deserves to be taken seriously. Like the existence of it is a great joke. Also, the opposition may have been cancelled after one season, but there's definitely one pretty successful, widely listened to, generally fairly funny show that criticizes Infowars that's been going for about nine years now. So I think it would be wise for Harrison to understand that where his views and world may be so dumb, that traditional satire has a hard time mocking it. We don't. We are fine. We got this.

[Jordan]

We're darn good at it.

[Dan]

We have some practice. But yeah, maybe it's not. Maybe it doesn't work on. On. You know what? Here's the thing.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dan]

The opposition on. On. On Comedy Central would absolutely work if they started a supplement company.

[Jordan]

Sure.

[Dan]

Like, if they found that kind of funding, like doing it as a actual TV show is. Is it's gonna fail. But yeah, would Infowars. Infowars wouldn't succeed as a TV show either. Sponsors would get pulled constantly. It would never fly on network television.

[Jordan]

I mean, I think. I think what we need to do here is just disambiguate work in terms of. Because I think a lot of people have a different definition while we're saying different things about the same word. Like, what does work mean? Does it mean long running show? Does it mean three seasons is working? That it was produced at all? Is that mean it works? Is it successful at accomplishing its goal? But in. Not popularly, you know, like, any number of these definitions of work could be applied. I'm not sure what these people or what any of us really think would be working. Is it. Is it really like the destruction of Infowars is only the. Is the only reasonable definition of work that we are all kind of operating by?

[Dan]

I don't know. I think probably getting some blows in, you know, like, that seems to me like what I think that Harrison feels unscathed by the opposition.

[Jordan]

If we're scoring the boxing match, we've got a lot of jabs, but we don't have any real hits.

[Dan]

Mm. Yeah. Or seems slightly threatening to. Like, I Think that the people who are doing that show, their definition of work would have been, can we make a good television program out of this?

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dan]

And I think on some nights they did, and on some nights it wasn't as good. I don't know. I didn't watch. I didn't watch it regularly. But, I mean, like I said, Tim Boltz is fucking great. Any show on it is not that bad.

[Jordan]

You know, it just occurred to me. It just occurred to me that all of their. Their dumb language, you know, that dumb thing where they're like, watch who you can't criticize if you're worried about who's oppressing you or anything like that. We're the only people that nobody speaks the name of.

[Dan]

It does kind of make you think that we are running Infowars.

[Jordan]

I mean, like, no one is speaking our name. Nobody will say our name.

[Dan]

If the people you can't criticize are the people who really rule over you, then, like, we must be the shadow puppeteers of Infowars.

[Jordan]

Right.

[Dan]

That's a good point.

[Jordan]

If you're commanded not to speak about us, it's hard not to say so.

[Dan]

This next clip, I think, is just shocking and really, really gross.

[Harrison Smith]

Oh, yeah. So Ben Collins is. I don't know. This guy is. I'm looking him up and he's. He's like. He was the censor at NBC. He'd basically go on and cry that people are allowed to say things that he disagreed with. And it's actually kind of funny because he would go on NBC and talk about COVID 19 or the vaccine or whatever else. And now you can go back and look and be like, oh, yeah, he was wrong about all of that stuff, because that's what his job was. His job was to go up and silence people telling the truth. That's 100% actually what he did. But, you know, the whole Israel war thing has kind of thrown all of the old alliances and dividing lines into flux. And so I'm looking and Ben Collins apparently got a lot of heat for reporting on the. I think it's the Al Shira might be getting that wrong, but it was that first hospital that was bombed by Israel in Gaza. And, you know, it was ridiculous because, you know, they'd just been carpet bombing everything, taking credit for it. And then they hit a hospital and they're like, what, us? No way. Absolutely not. And so I give Ben Collins credit for the fact that he reported the story in the first place, but he didn't claim it was Israel that did it. And then when people, like, pushed back on him, he's like, oh, I never said. I never said that it was Israel that did. I just think people need to know that people died. And I'm just so. It's like we actually do what you do, but better and more courageously. You little rat. You little coward. You little scumbag. Boot licking queer. Trying to be nice. I'm trying to use nice words.

[Jordan]

Boo.

[Harrison Smith]

Twink. I'm sorry? Twink is the right word. Thank you, crew. Apparently he's married to that cat Abigail woman or whatever, who had that just utterly embarrassing congressional campaign where she would, like, sleep through appearances she was supposed to have and be like, I have narcolepsy. Stop. Stop mocking me. Yeah, we're gonna see another sad onion. We're gonna see another sad onion here pretty soon. I have the feeling. So. But like, this is weird. So I wonder if Ben Collins, who very like, in a cowardly and tepid just faggoty sort of way.

[Jordan]

Jesus.

[Harrison Smith]

Refused to actually report what he believed because he was scared of the backlash. See, I actually reported the obvious fact that Israel bombed a hospital because I'm not a coward. All right, so they claim to believe things. They claim to be on the side of the underdog. They claim to be fighters for truth. They claim to be engaged in an information war, but they're liars. They're cowards. And when they lose the information war, they wage a financial lawfare, series of attacks against us and then lie about their success because they're everything that they say we are. It's pure projection across the board.

[Dan]

This is wild stuff. For one thing, Kat does have narcolepsy. And the campaign that Harrison is calling pathetic was probably one of the most anti Israel government campaigns that a non Nazi has run for public office in my lifetime. I don't know why he would want to. If he was a sincere critic of Israel and aipac donating to candidates. I don't know why he wouldn't be on board with what Kat did. Obviously, a lot of this is just personal attacks and Harrison is super angry. But I think this also enters into territory that isn't fair. Kat has been one of the larger public in the media voices who's been very clear about Gaza from the beginning and ran a campaign for Congress that pulled no punches on it. And Ben was with her and publicly supported her the whole way. To pretend that he's in some way afraid to criticize Israel is nonsense. And this, this is Harrison being out of his lane. Yeah, I'm not gonna defend every story that Ben ever reported in his career, but in this case, Harrison is not being fair. After the explosion at this hospital in Gaza, the New York Times published a headline saying, quote, israeli strikes kill hundreds in hospital. Palestinians say Ben went on the news and reported on this story. And later that headline from the Times was changed to quote, hundreds dead in blast at Gaza hospital. Palestinians say taking away the Israeli strike. Part of it, which wasn't even something the headline was reporting. It was still part of what the Palestinians said. But even so, the Times still walked it back. So Ben got attacked a ton for not correcting himself after the headline was changed because they thought, you know, the critics and people were coming down on him, were saying that he was being too critical of Israel. This is the beef that he had then that Harrison is misrepresenting. Harrison may be able to say that he himself has always said that Israel bombed that hospital, but I know that Alex didn't. If he's so mad about what Ben Collins did, how can Harrison possibly work for a guy who said this?

[Andy]

So after all the drama yesterday, it turns out the Gaza hospital wasn't bombed. The parking lot was, and 500 people didn't die. Oh, and the rocket wasn't from Israel. Was from a failed rocket. The Palestinian terrorist shot at Israel. Absolutely insane, says Robbie Starbuck on Twitter. Yeah, that's a true statement. And here's a radar track. And by the way, the Palestinians don't deny this. They've had over 400 rockets fall and explode that they launched on their own territory in just the last year. And so that's what they're doing when you, when you're firing hundreds of rockets over a hospital and one of them doesn't work. Right. Well, you know, what do you do? Well, you just go to CNN and tell them Israel did it.

[Dan]

So what about that Harrison? How do you deal with that? Like you've worked for that guy for three years. After that point, your identity is based on pretending he's the tip of the spear. What's your criticism of that? If you're so mad that you got to resort to gay bashing slurs to try to attack Ben like it's nonsense.

[Jordan]

We can, we can have a difference of opinion. That's no problem, you know, but the problem is that it's a woman. A woman can't have a difference of, frankly, a woman having an opinion at all. Very threatening.

[Dan]

A woman or a man that has been deemed effeminate in a way that Harrison wants to depict as gay.

[Jordan]

It is really good. It is really good of that to. To help us, though, understand the way they view gender is. You have this concept of the lies that they've told you, but it's them. And anybody who is slightly less physically oppressive than them are men. And then everybody who can be hit is a woman.

[Dan]

Alex, if you yelled at him about saying that this Palestinian hospital was not attacked by Israel, if you complained about his coverage, he might hit you or scream at you, whereas Ben Collins would politely disagree with you and maybe argue.

[Jordan]

So, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's basically it.

[Dan]

Awesome. Life's good.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dan]

So I think that. I think that Harrison really needs to reflect on that. All of his criticisms, were they valid, would have led him to quit his job by now. And the fact that he hasn't kind of invalidates the idea that he cares.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dan]

So I think that one of Harrison's big problems is that the Onion isn't funny. And obviously it's a matter of taste.

[Jordan]

Is that a big problem for him in his personal life, or is it a big problem because he's angry about how they're not funny? Or is it something that he's grateful they're not funny for giving him the opportunity to. To mock them?

[Dan]

I think the middle one, and I think he thinks the last one got. He's. He's wrong, as we find when he decides to start reading Onion headlines to prove they're not funny.

[Harrison Smith]

Pentagon develops tactical zoot suit. Very timely. Very, very clever. Okay. U.S. fertility rate plummets to pre Nick Cannon levels. Hilarious. Just absolutely hilarious. Okay, this is where they take a actual serious issue. And then. I was gonna say make a joke out of it, but jokes are supposed to be funny, Man. Who threw Molotov cocktail at Sam Altman's home? Claims he was following ChatGPT recipe for risotto. Hilarious. I can't stop laughing. That's so funny. I'm silently laughing right now. That's what you're hearing. Okay. So what even is this?

[Dan]

I don't know, man. So I think that, like, that. I regret to inform you that it is Jafar. That clickhole article.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dan]

Do you know that one?

[Jordan]

Huh?

[Dan]

It's one of the best Internet things that has ever existed.

[Jordan]

Okay.

[Dan]

It is just slew of. We regret to inform you we take no pleasure in this. It's Jafar. And then there's a picture of Jafar. And then there's another sort of like, we tried to avoid this, but circumstances out of our control have led to it being Jafar. And it just goes on. It's great. It's one of the funniest fucking things ever. But I could deliver it dryly and act confused about it, and then it wouldn't be funny.

[Jordan]

Sure.

[Dan]

So some of these headlines, maybe. Maybe they're not the onions best work. But if you're gonna read it like that, of course they're not gonna be funny.

[Jordan]

Well, what I like best about it is that even if you don't think they are funny or the lines themselves are not delivered with the kind of style they need to be, him reacting to them is fucking hilarious. Trying so hard to not enjoy something is funny on its own face. Like, there were a couple of times where it's like he knows that he was even delivering it with a. With the end little punchline being shit, that's pretty good. And then he has to pretend that he hates it.

[Dan]

And I think that there's an inherent problem too, which is that they are supposed to believe that the Onion is like this woke scold, kind of like everything is super PC thing. And then they're making a joke about Nick Cannon having a lot of kids. Like, you would think that that wouldn't be within the realm of what those censorious people would allow. You know, like, this is. No, I don't know about this.

[Jordan]

The way when he said after it, and this is one where they take some serious issue and kind of try and make a joke out of it. I was like, is Nick Canaan having too many kids a serious issue now? Have we reached that point?

[Dan]

Oh, he's talking about white children.

[Jordan]

This 70s kind of come back and be like, dude, Nick Cannon is causing the overpopulation crisis.

[Dan]

Let's face it, the population bomb. So I think that Harrison is maybe talking too much about this. That his problem is that they're not funny. If only they were funny, Jordan, then everything would be all right.

[Harrison Smith]

This is the most offensive part. If they were funny, I wouldn't have an issue with it. If they're actually capable of taking what we believe and making fun of it and making it funny. I'm sitting next to a low IQ hat. You think we take ourselves all that seriously now? The things we talk about are serious and we believe that. Just like people from the Onion believe that, of course, the way they approach it is a fabricated, faux assumed countenance of being above it all and just mocking people who care about anything. But, like, say the N word to them. See what they care about. See if they care. See how mad they get when you violate one of their precious cultural norms. These people are not free thinkers. They are not even funny. But they're certainly not like, saying anything profound or providing insight into anything going on in the world.

[Dan]

But they would be if they used slurs like, I don't know, man, this is stupid.

[Jordan]

Does that mean that they have to think we're funny? Because the way they responded to it is due to the fact that we were funny. Right. They. They have to believe that.

[Dan]

What, say. Say more what you're saying.

[Jordan]

I mean, with formulaic objections based on his own logic. They have to believe we are funny.

[Dan]

At least someone does, you know?

[Jordan]

Right.

[Dan]

I don't know. Rob Dew probably didn't enjoy his time in the sun. But like, yeah, someone had to recognize that this is. That was like, pointed in a way that. That like, caused damage to them through humor.

[Harrison Smith]

Yeah.

[Dan]

So whether or not they thought it was haha funny, they thought it was funny in a way that meant something.

[Jordan]

That's what I'm saying. Because it changed behavior, they should have been okay with it. That's my point here, is if it would have been okay if the onion being would have been okay with their bullshit, if they were actually funny, then by admitting that we are actually funny, by changing their behavior, they actually shouldn't have changed their behavior because they're okay with it. Because we're actually funny.

[Dan]

Maybe being okay with it is actually what it means is a begrudging kind of like, all right, okay, all right, maybe not. Maybe it's not actually being okay with it. And more like maybe. Maybe actually what he's trying to express is I'm really desperate to find ways to complain about this that don't make me look like a loser. And that's kind of, you know, they're not even funny. Is a good way to pretend that, like, not only am I not mad, I'm so not mad that I'm cool. And I wish they were funnier.

[Jordan]

Yeah. Yeah. I have to. I have to say that I am. I mean, it can't be said any other way. I regret. I regret to let you know that it is Jafar.

[Dan]

I wish, you know, Louis CK was taken over. He says words. You know, I wish Michael Richards was taking over. He says words.

[Jordan]

I wonder if. I wonder if we're there yet. I wonder if we're at the point where you can buy a comedian to say the words that you want. Right.

[Dan]

I don't know if we were not ever there.

[Jordan]

Well, okay, that's. That's a fair point. That's a fair Point. That's a fair point. I meant there was a lot of,

[Dan]

like, really famous people who are on cameo because some comedians don't make nearly as much as you imagine they do.

[Jordan]

Yeah, you're right. Yeah, I was. I'm just more thinking, are we at the place where you're on stage wearing like a F1 badge of advertising kind of thing? Like, you know, oh, by the way, this set is brought to you by Petronas or whatever.

[Dan]

There may be subtle ways that that is already happening. I mean, everyone's podcast has sponsors.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dan]

Like so many comics have podcasts.

[Jordan]

I got a new 5 minute orange juice bit that really just makes you

[Dan]

want to buy orange juice brought to you by Tropicana. So the moment I got to be honest, this show sucks. Harrison is a whiny little punk and I don't care about him at all. He's illustrating why no one would care if this went away.

[Harrison Smith]

Yeah.

[Dan]

And of course the tension is, where's Alex? Is Alex gonna show up? Everyone wants Alex to show up. And so finally, about an hour and a half ish into the show, Alex shows up.

[Harrison Smith]

And all that we ask is that you go to the Alex Jones store. Dot com. That's it. That's the way that we get funding. That's the way that we stay on air. Unlike the Onion, who's got all these. All this backing and all this crap. Oh, folks, the Onion has stolen the shirt off of Alex Jones's back at this point.

[Jordan]

And it's.

[Harrison Smith]

That's a sad thing to say.

[Jordan]

There it is.

[Harrison Smith]

Are you an employee of the Onion now, Alex?

[Andy]

No. We laugh about this, but a year and a half ago, they announced that they now owned us.

[Harrison Smith]

Yep.

[Andy]

And it was all a fraud. This time they've had a court hearing and they're announcing they own us.

[Dan]

To paint you a picture, Alex has slowly lumbered onto the set wearing no shirt, standing behind the desk, while Harrison looks on and tries to maintain his self respect. Alex isn't sitting at the desk, so his face isn't well lit and he's just a topless man complaining in the shadows. What is clearly visible on the desk, however, is a hat that says low iq. The feeling you get here is that Alex knew that everyone wanted a blow up and he just can't muster the energy to do it. There's no point anymore. Like, all the customers who are going to migrate to the new store are already doing it. So if he blows up or not, the bottom line is the same sleepy Alex staggering in without a Shirt feels like low effort, low commitment. Infowars. It's checked out, and if anything, it gives the vibe of a drunk stepdad walking in from a midday nap to complain about something and bother you. That's really what it feels like. I think. I think six years ago, five years ago, Alex walking in on the show topless. Awesome. We are cooking with gas. Something's gonna happen here.

[Harrison Smith]

Sure.

[Dan]

The elements are here for chaos.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dan]

Now, I. I see him stumble out of the control room into the studio, and I'm like, oh, man.

[Jordan]

A shaved Sasquatch. Somebody shaved a Sasquatch. And now it's ambling behind the camera. A little bit blurry, so we can't even see if it's actually Sasquatch.

[Dan]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

Oh, God.

[Dan]

It reminds me of, like, June Diane Rayfield from How did this get Made?

[Jordan]

Sure.

[Dan]

They were covering the James Bond movie View to a Kill. And, you know, Bond is the guy who plays pretty old in that movie. And she was talking about how, like, he's doing these adventures and, like, betting these women and, like, getting in a hot tub. Her feeling while watching it was like, oh, no, you're old. You can't do this.

[Jordan]

You're going to get heartburn.

[Dan]

Yeah, this is. No, no, no, no. You got to be more careful. And that's kind of how I feel about Alex coming out without a shirt in 2026. Yeah, it's kind of like old James Bond. It's like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. This is. Yeah, this isn't fun and sexy and dangerous anymore. It's just kind of like.

[Jordan]

I think it would be better if we weren't aging. If we weren't also aging. It wouldn't be a reminder of the possibilities that life will fucking bear upon you over time. But, you know, he doesn't use lotion, and I feel like that's a big issue.

[Dan]

I think he probably does use lotion, and it's made from krill. It's made from chaga mushrooms and the greatest methylene yellow.

[Jordan]

He's. He's missing it. I got a, like, 15 minute jurgens bit that'd really get to him.

[Dan]

Brought to you by Nivea. Ironic.

[Jordan]

Jurgens sucks. Nivea rules.

[Dan]

So Alex tries to do a little bit of a riff about his shirt. They took his shirt and that.

[Jordan]

Oh, yeah, I get you. Yeah. Yeah.

[Dan]

I would say that this bit is dead on arrival.

[Andy]

Look, just because you're wearing my shirt don't mean you're me. So let's be 100 clear about that. And so you guys just keep laughing, just like you did a year and a half ago. Or it was November 2024. Is that about a year and a half?

[Harrison Smith]

Yeah. This is a story from December 10th. Sale of Alex Jones Infowars to the Onion. Rejected. And I'll get into this. And.

[Andy]

Yeah, so just, just, just. But, yeah, they need to be us to confuse people. By the way, it's a total failure. So we're the fifth biggest newspapers. That's a lie. Newspapers are all dead.

[Harrison Smith]

I looked it up. The Onion gets less than half of the traffic that Infowars gets.

[Dan]

Grok told me. I talked to my robot friend. He told me I was looking up. I talked to robots. They said I was cooler.

[Jordan]

Why would a grok tell you the truth?

[Dan]

Why would a Grok tell you that's a good setup for me?

[Jordan]

There you go. Why would a Grok tell you that? Of course the Grok would tell you.

[Dan]

You.

[Jordan]

That you're doing well. It's a Grok. If you say Infowars is getting a lot of traffic, you might be a grok.

[Dan]

Here's another. Here's another. You know, Grok will tell you this. ChatGPT will be all like this.

[Jordan]

Oh, man, we're doing real shit now.

[Dan]

ChatGpts be shopping. I think that there's some. Something there. I'll go find a comedy club here in Iowa and test this out.

[Jordan]

I think it'll be. I think it'll be a lot less aggressively race basing than the old Def jams.

[Dan]

Sure.

[Jordan]

But those were delightful.

[Dan]

It'll be biased along AI lines. So Alex, he's talking about the Onion and how, like, they're working with the people who are working with Trump now. Sure. And he sort of just wanders off plugging.

[Harrison Smith]

That's ridiculous. And again, yeah, they just. They just do it. They get away with it.

[Andy]

The Paul Weiss law firm ran all this. Trump settled with them. They settled. And now Trump's on their side.

[Jordan]

Yep.

[Andy]

So, hey, feel good, guys. You're on Trump's side. You said was so bad.

[Harrison Smith]

Yeah, exactly. No, that's exactly it. They are literally on the bad guy side. So, yeah, it's going to fail.

[Andy]

We don't own the elections for dot Com.

[Jordan]

That's how they back us.

[Andy]

That's how they keep us on air.

[Dan]

He's yelling from across the room, hey, we don't know that one. That's. Tell people to go buy from another place where I can get the money. It's. It's a mess. Just a bad look.

[Jordan]

That's a Lot like when you. You ask the. Hey, buddy, how about you go watch football? You ask your. Your uncle one Thanksgiving Day, and then he hears your conversation from across the room and see, still start shouting bullshit at you. And you're like, we tried to get rid of you. Leave us alone.

[Dan]

I thought you were napping. I thought you were day drunk and you passed out. What the fuck?

[Jordan]

Please get more day drunk.

[Dan]

I think that there's something interesting, too, about, like, 10 years into this phase of infowars, him being like, congratulations, Onion. Now you're on the side of the guy that I cried about and said God sent me on missions for.

[Jordan]

I'm very confused. I'm not sure where I stand anymore. I've done a lot of things that betray any principles I want to have. And that means you're stupid.

[Dan]

You like the guy who I gave up everything for, and that means you're dumb.

[Jordan]

I literally gave him the shirt off my back. Rendering this bit ironically poignant.

[Dan]

Mm. There is just something so beautifully. Alex about yelling a plug. As you stagger away from the desk, though, like, that. That feels like if we ever. A last shot of Alex that could ever exist, it would be good. If it's that. That seems like his. He could disappear into the woods, and no one has heard of him since he plugged, you know?

[Jordan]

Right. Cause he. He stops shaving, and then he's just a regular Sasquatch. He returns to his people when he came.

[Dan]

Yeah. Well, I mean, we've gotten now to a point where he has no heroes.

[Jordan]

That's true.

[Dan]

Yeah. So Harrison gets back to work, and then about 10 minutes later, Alex shows back up with a shirt and is boring as hell, and I'm not gonna play any of it, but there. There's like. He's talking about how he doesn't like wealth, and it's like, we have your watches, man. We know. We know what kind of lifestyle you're living.

[Jordan]

There's. There is no way to not say that you are into wealth with an expensive watch like that. The watch itself is an expression of how you want people to view you as wealthy.

[Dan]

Yeah. We each have one of his watches, and I have texts that he sent about luxury items that he. You know, he buys and stuff. So, like, come on. Fuck all this nonsense.

[Jordan]

Oh, no. If I ever put a watch on that, that was. I don't even. I don't even particularly have any interest in wearing one of those smartwatches. They're too. Too much for me. I don't like it. I don't like it.

[Dan]

Yeah. I like a Fitbit, but that's just because I like to see a Fitbit is for broke people.

[Jordan]

Yeah, Fitbit is a broke person thing. That's cool. I'm cool with the Fitbit.

[Dan]

Hell, yeah. I'm still cool. So this is where we're going to end our little jaunt with Harrison. But I think you need to, you know, in the interest of completeness for the day and what happened, you definitely need the Alex with his shirt off coming back. We need that to be part of the canon. But it's diminishing returns. It's underwhelming a bit.

[Jordan]

It's deflationary. I mean, it's almost like he's devaluing the. Like, Bert Kreischer. He has to have his shirt off. It's meaningless. If he wears a shirt, it's meaningless. But Bert Kreischer has. Has deflated his currency of shirtlessness so much, it's a trillion dollars just to buy a laugh with a shirtless man.

[Dan]

Can I actually. Well, you know, you phrase that in such an interesting way. I think that Bert Kreischer has made shirtlessness incredibly valuable, but only for him. It's devalued it for other people.

[Jordan]

Sure.

[Dan]

Essential to his act.

[Jordan]

That's. That's fair. That is fair. I. You're. You're right. That's more close to what I was trying to express.

[Dan]

Yeah, yeah. It's a weird. It's a weird money that only works for him.

[Jordan]

Yes. Yes. There we go. Now it makes sense.

[Dan]

And I don't know, like, I think that if Alex was way more out of shape, it'd be good. Or if he was at his point when he was the most shredded, it would be good. But he's kind of in between now, too, so it's like no one's blown away by looking at him without a shirt.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dan]

So, like, it's not even shocking. I don't know. Anybody care? No.

[Jordan]

No. It's hard to think that far in advance, though, you know, like, if you think you should be shredded for an appearance like this, you got to be working for a few years pre. Previously, you know, that's. That a kind of reduction in weight and increase in. In steroids. Yeah. Well, fair enough. Man, I don't know how the drugs work anymore. I'm too old.

[Dan]

I don't know if those are ones you ever knew about, but. Yeah, so we'll check in. We'll see. We'll see. First of all, if I find any more lost nations and then if you know how things go as this deteriorates over at Infowars, we get closer to the 30th, which appears to be when things are going to, the lights are going to turn off and. And such.

[Jordan]

Let me ask you a question. If you stop by, if you stop in a city named Persia, is that equivalent to a city named Lost Nation?

[Dan]

Probably be similar. I might have driven through a Persia. I know I drove through at least a couple cities that had names that were like Midas or you know, things that were like, eh, this is the ancient world.

[Jordan]

Right.

[Dan]

So it's the Lost region, I think Iowa. Yes, it is.

[Jordan]

Yes, Iowa is the lost state.

[Dan]

Yeah. But yeah, I'm gonna continue to have some fun, fuck around, find some stuff and you know, I'll check back in on my findings. But until then. We have a website.

[Jordan]

Indeed we do. It's knowledgefight.com.

[Dan]

yep, we'll be back. But until then. I'm Neo. I'm Leo. I'm DZX Clark. I am the mysterious Professor.