#1138: September 9, 2016

Summary

Knowledge Fight – Episode #1138: September 9, 2016

Date: May 18, 2026
Hosts: Dan & Jordan
Live Show – Podcast Finale

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Overview

In this emotional and comedic live show, Dan and Jordan bring the long-running Knowledge Fight podcast to a close, looking back on nine years of dissecting and analyzing the outlandish statements of Alex Jones. Rather than ending on Alex’s final InfoWars broadcast, the hosts revisit a lesser-known but thematically fitting episode from September 9, 2016. Along the way, they explore the evolution of conspiracy media, the absurdity and dangers of Jones’s worldview, and reflect on their own journey as cohosts and friends. The episode is peppered with humor, inside jokes, and sincere moments, marked by the hosts’ signature blend of earnestness and irreverence.

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Key Discussion Points

1. The Final Live Show & Bright Spots

• Opening Vibes: The episode opens with playful banter, musical bits (a sneak appearance from the “Sneaky Snake” song), and a sweaty live show energy.
• Bright Spot Tradition: Jordan chose "all of these people here tonight" as his bright spot—reflecting on his dream coming true with this live finale (03:20).
• Tattoo Promise: Dan reveals he got a fresh “Scatman Dan” tattoo, finally “paying off” a long-standing joke/promise to listeners (06:26).

  "I have got a Scatman tattoo on my calf. I got it this morning." – Dan [06:26]

• Shared Sincerity: Both hosts get personal, recalling how their comedy partnership started with drives to the Comedy Shrine in Aurora, highlighting the poetic reversal that Dan now drove himself to this final gig (09:35).

2. Why This Episode? Thematic Choices

• Though their original idea was to cover Alex’s final broadcast, Dan subverts expectations:

  “If we did, we'd betray the premise of the show. You can't know what we're covering in advance... and we have never been a normal podcast.” – Dan [14:05]

• Instead, they cover September 9, 2016—an arbitrary but "literarily" resonant choice, especially in the context of never having existed as a podcast in 2016, and as a tribute to the show’s roots of unpredictability and surprise (13:39–14:32).

3. Beginning the Alex Jones Clip Review

Alex’s Opening Riffs

• Alex dives into comparisons between North Korea and Hillary Clinton, asserting both are surrounded by sycophantic worship, blending political satire with conspiracy rhetoric (20:20, 25:11).
• Dan & Jordan riff on Alex’s unmoored analogies and the quaintness of “being mad at Hillary” in hindsight (26:35).

Anonymous Villains & The Globalist Myth

• Alex, even in 2016, claims to know “the fountainhead” (Clinton, Soros) but not who the “head general” is—revealing the fluid, mythic structure of the conspiracy narrative (27:28).

  "We not quite sure who the head general is, but we know who runs the show they brought us." – Alex Jones [27:28]

Hillary’s Health & Radical Sources

• A heavy portion of the show revolves around Clinton’s alleged frailty, with Alex citing the Association of American Physicians and Surgeons (AAPS)—a right-wing activist group masquerading as a mainstream medical association (29:04–33:34).
• Dan delivers a mini-history of Dr. Drew and AAPS—calling attention to Dr. Drew’s commercialization and the AAPS’s role as a political hack group that promoted anti-vaccine, anti-science positions [33:08–37:04].
• The hosts sharply ridicule the recycled conspiracy tropes and Alex’s “independent medical reporting.”

Alex and Media Coverage

• Alex rails against mainstream coverage of his stories (notably the “Hillary earpiece” rumors stemming from a James Woods tweet), painting himself as persecuted by the Chicago Tribune and mocking the supposed media collusion (39:45–42:32).

  “Alex saw that tweet, he wrote an article about it, or someone wrote an article about it. And now there's people who are talking about him writing an article about it, like this guy in the Chicago Tribune. And now Alex is doing his show complaining about people complaining about him…” – Dan [40:34]

Nuclear Fears & Probability Illiteracy

• Alex prophesies impending nuclear catastrophe, using faulty statistical logic:

  “Every tree is just as likely to be struck by lightning as any other... Being hit doesn't make you more or less likely to be hit in the future because storms aren't keeping score.” – Dan [44:24]

• Jordan & Dan expand on the “fast lane of civilization,” finding Alex’s traffic metaphors both funny and revealing about his worldview (77:45–80:44).

Immortality, Genetics, and Proto-Eugenics

• Alex delivers a bizarre spiritual screed on immortality (“All of my ancestors are alive with me now in spirit, in DNA and in this body... That is what's happening. That's what's going on.” – Alex Jones [52:54]).
• Dan points out the eugenic undertones of Alex’s logic—suggesting only the “good” should propagate. Much of this “three-part” soul theory is exposed as empty populist mysticism (54:03–56:08).

Boasting & Harassment Admission

• Alex declares the “essence of cowardice” is the refusal of his critics to appear on his show, while also openly bragging about “counter-surveillance”—essentially, sending people to his critics’ homes (63:46).

  "We actually send people to their house... Well then, when you go to your house, let's legally reveal that we're going to drop by too." – Alex Jones [63:46]

• Dan connects this behavior directly to why Alex was defaulted in Sandy Hook lawsuits for refusing to provide evidence.

Move, Bitch (Get Out The Way): The Ludacris Bit

• The show’s key theme emerges when Alex, in a surreal blend of cultural appropriation and sincerity, treats Ludacris’ “Move, Bitch” as a kind of American gospel—wishing Hillary would “get out the way” (72:09–73:02).

  "I really want to do a music video with Ludacris and Move Out the Way because it really does detail it all..." – Alex Jones [72:09]

• Laughter ensues as Dan and Jordan analyze both the absurdity and the viral afterlife this bit achieved (especially after Alex used it, exhausted, on-air in October 2016 and it finally caught internet meme fire) [81:28–89:57].

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“I have got a Scatman tattoo on my calf. I got it this morning.”
– Dan [06:26]

“We've made it nine years. It's a long time to be doing a podcast.”
– Dan [11:48]

“Covering Alex's last show is what a normal podcast would do. And we have never been a normal podcast.”
– Dan [14:29]

“It's a good point... Alex could never have allowed those Sandy Hook cases to go to trial on the merits.”
– Dan [64:22]

“That Ludacris song is almost a Bible study. I'm not kidding, it's like holy text.”
– Alex Jones [82:57]

“Sometimes I think about our show... like a weird butterfly effect time travel show. What if I went back in time and just stopped that? ... There are so many demarcation points where the future turned to shit, and it's probably all your fault for not fucking Alex Jones up.”
– Jordan [93:52]

“We spent about nine years documenting a baby throwing a fit.”
– Dan [87:10]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Opening and Bright Spots – [02:33–04:33]
• Tattoo Reveal & Sincerity – [06:06–10:09]
• Why This Episode? – [13:39–14:32]
• Alex’s North Korea/Hillary Analogy – [20:20–25:11]
• Hillary’s Health/Dr. Drew/AAPS – [29:04–37:04]
• Alex’s “Immortality” Rant – [52:54–54:03]
• Bragging About Harassment – [63:46–64:22]
• Ludacris ‘Move Bitch’ Segment – [72:09–84:59]
• Closing & Reflections – [87:10–95:44]

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Escalating Themes & Closure

• Circular Absurdity: By reviewing a pre-podcast Alex episode (with no knowledge of Knowledge Fight’s coming scrutiny), the hosts return to their roots—outsiders to both InfoWars and their own past selves.
• Tragic Irony: The Alex Jones “move bitch” meme, now infamous, failed to land when first delivered, only exploding online in a sleep-deprived October 2016 performance—backed by InfoWars meme factories eager to distract from failed political promises.
• Final Metaphors:

  "Traffic is a fascinating microcosm of life... When someone doesn’t follow the rules of the road, it feels like antisocial behavior." – Dan [80:13]

• Bittersweet Endings: The show ends not with a raucous climax, but on a deliberate anticlimax—eschewing “one last laugh” for a mood that’s a mix of closure, ambiguity, and gratitude.

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Conclusion

This final live Knowledge Fight episode is as much a tribute to the podcast’s devoted audience as it is a critique and eulogy to Alex Jones’s public relevance. Dan and Jordan, ever self-referential and honest, opt for a choice that rings true to their ethos: thoughtful, unpredictable, irreverent, and loyal to their mission.

For those interested in the arc of conspiracy culture, internet memeification, and the nuanced ways in which personality media shapes (and warps) politics, this episode offers a microcosm of it all—twisted, hilarious, melancholy, but ultimately humane.

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For Further Exploration

• Alex Jones and the Birth of Conspiracy Internet: Around [20:20–30:00], Dan and Jordan break down how conspiracy narratives propagate, evolve, and mutate.
• Media Critique: Their discussion on the laundering of fringe ideas into mainstream via right-wing “doctor” groups and media hacks (33:08–37:04) is essential listening.
• Memes & Influence: The birth, evolution, and viral spread of Alex’s “Move, Bitch” memes reveal how culture and propaganda intermingle (89:57–93:52).

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“We spent nine years documenting a baby throwing a fit.” – this meta-comment, perhaps more than any, captures the ethos of Knowledge Fight. And in the end, it’s their collective laughter in the face of darkness that feels most worthy of remembrance.

Transcript

[Jordan]

Knowledge Fight podcast feed listener. This is officially a sneaky snake.

[Alex Jones]

And then sneaky snake goes dancing, wiggling and a hissing sneaky snake goes dancing,

[Jordan]

giggling and a kissing.

[Alex Jones]

I don't like old sneaky snake.

[Jordan]

He laughs too much.

[Alex Jones]

You see when he goes a wiggling through the grass, it tickles his underneath.

[Jordan]

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls and enemies in here, out there. Get on your feet one last time for Dan and Jordan.

[Alex Jones]

Not Knowledge Fight and and Jordan.

[Jordan]

I am sweating.

[Alex Jones]

Knowledge Fight dot com. It's time to pray.

[Jordan]

I have great respect for Knowledge Fight.

[Alex Jones]

Knowledge Fight. I'm sick of them posing as if they're the good guys saying we are the bad guys. Knowledge Fight.

[Jordan]

Dan and George.

[Alex Jones]

Knowledge Fight. Need money. Andy and Kansas. Andy and Andy.

[Jordan]

Stop it.

[Alex Jones]

Andy and K in Kansas. Andy, it's time to pray. Andy in Kansas, you're on the air. Thanks for holding.

[Jordan]

Hello, Alex. I'm a F color.

[Alex Jones]

I'm a huge fan. I love your word.

[Jordan]

Knowledge Fight.

[Alex Jones]

Knowledge fight dot com. I love you. I love you.

[Dan]

Hey everybody. Welcome to knowledge fight. I'm dan.

[Jordan]

I'm jordan.

[Dan]

We are a couple of dudes who like to sit on stage, two brothers and talk a little bit. Celine worst, but the older.

[Jordan]

All right.

[Dan]

Talk a little bit about Alex Jones.

[Jordan]

They do talk a little bit about Alex Jones. Oh, indeed. Dan Jordan. Dan Jordan. Dan Jordan. Dan Jordan. Dan Jordan. I have a quick question for you.

[Dan]

Sup, man.

[Jordan]

Hold on, let me redo the Dan again. Dan, quick question.

[Dan]

What's up? What's your bright spot today, buddy? My bright spot? Today, actually, I'm going to. I was going to say that we went to go see Mortal Kombat.

[Jordan]

We did.

[Dan]

And that was going to be my bright spot. Yeah, but that's lackluster. That's small. And since this is a live show and you know, I felt like I should say you go first. Okay, you should give me your bright spot first.

[Jordan]

Wait, wait, wait. So you like soft launched a bright spot and it turned out everybody was not on it.

[Dan]

I heard some applause for Mortal Kombat.

[Jordan]

People were like, mortal Kombat's fine, but most of you are like, like, fuck off, move on, next one.

[Dan]

Yeah, well, no, I gave a bad one and now.

[Jordan]

And now I'm left out to dry.

[Dan]

Well, no, I have a better one.

[Jordan]

Oh, you do?

[Dan]

You. Not better than yours, but better than Mortal Kombat.

[Jordan]

Well, I'll tell you what. Mine, you can't do better than mine. Because my bright spot is all of these people here tonight. This is the live show that I've always dreamt of. Right. Like, I remember 10 years ago or more. I don't remember. I'm old. I'm dying. The, like, last LCD sound system show, you know, remember when that was the last one at Madison Square Garden? I remember staying up late and smoking 50 to 60 cigarettes, watching that show in the middle of a terrible apartment by myself in the dark. And I was thinking, someday I'm going to end a podcast like that. So I think this is the dream, right? This is the dream. Dream.

[Dan]

It's the dream. And you couldn't pick a better place to do it.

[Jordan]

No. That's basically Madison Square.

[Dan]

Yeah. We have both performed standup comedy in this room.

[Jordan]

Yes. I'm hoping to finally reach my dream of being mildly funny on this stage.

[Dan]

I think you can cross that off the bucket list, baby. I think you have done great.

[Jordan]

I hope so. And what's your bright spot? What's your good bright spot?

[Dan]

Well, I like to say that, you know, we're wrapping things up, and there are a number of unfulfilled promises in terms of the show. Some unfinished business.

[Jordan]

Right.

[Dan]

Some of this stuff, it's never really going to be wrapped up. We're never gonna figure out what happened with Hurricane Katrina.

[Jordan]

No. And we're never gonna jerk off back to back. So let's just leave that off the table. Let's just keep that off the table right now.

[Dan]

You don't remember shit.

[Jordan]

We've been in a lot of hotel rooms.

[Dan]

Baltimore got weird. You almost got robbed.

[Jordan]

Baltimore did get weird. No.

[Dan]

So I figured tonight, here at this show, we have one last chance to pay off a promise.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dan]

Promises made, promises kept. Like Hubert Humphrey.

[Jordan]

Are we gonna finally figure out what the secret of 2017 was?

[Dan]

No.

[Jordan]

God damn it.

[Dan]

But that's. That's. That's not cool. We know it was Megyn Kelly.

[Jordan]

Yeah. That's fair.

[Dan]

And she was weird or something. No. When we started this show and nobody was listening, I made a little bit of a promise. And that was that if we ever got to the point we could quit our jobs, that I would legally change my name to Scatman Dan.

[Jordan]

That is a promise you made, and

[Dan]

it's not a promise I've kept.

[Jordan]

I didn't think so.

[Dan]

But I'd like to show you and the audience something.

[Jordan]

Okay. All right. Here we go, ladies and gentlemen. It's a tattoo on his calf. That is a Scatman Dan, ladies and gentlemen.

[Dan]

I have got a Scatman tattoo on my calf. I got it this morning.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dan]

Didn't tell you about it.

[Jordan]

I was gonna say it looks very fresh.

[Dan]

Oh, it's bleeding.

[Jordan]

It's definitely watching that three times a day at least.

[Dan]

I was so worried about pulling up my pant leg because of the second skin. I was worried I was gonna. Gonna tear it off.

[Jordan]

It looks great. It looks great.

[Dan]

Thank you. I feel good.

[Jordan]

I wish I could scat something that involved calf, and I've been trying to in my head, but it's not common

[Dan]

how you just gotta skip a da, da, da. That's all you gotta do.

[Jordan]

Yeah, but then try and put a calf in there.

[Dan]

Fucking calf. Skiba dibba calf.

[Jordan]

See? See, it sucks.

[Dan]

Yeah, but who cares?

[Jordan]

These people, this is about them.

[Dan]

The ceiling and the floor for

[Jordan]

are both in a latrine.

[Alex Jones]

Man.

[Dan]

I realized as soon as I started saying that, something's like, I'm gonna really insult the jazz people. I don't wanna do this. So how are you doing?

[Jordan]

I'm doing good. I'm excited. This is. This is kind of a. This is crazy. It's crazy way to end the show.

[Dan]

Yeah, anything would be.

[Jordan]

Yeah, that's true.

[Dan]

But this is particularly crazy.

[Jordan]

This is particularly crazy. I think there's a lot of emotion tied up in this. This particular stage. Are we. Are we going to be sincere?

[Dan]

I don't know.

[Jordan]

I mean, I don't think we. Is anybody going to stop us? I don't think anybody can.

[Dan]

I will make fun of you if you do.

[Jordan]

That's fair. That's fine. That's fine. But while. While we're here, we might as well be sincere.

[Dan]

Sure.

[Jordan]

Drufke is big.

[Dan]

Round of applause for Matt Drufke, everybody.

[Jordan]

Please give him an applause for Matt Drufke, who has set up this show, who has. I mean, he was one of the first people in Chicago in, well, suburbs comedy. It's not as good as in suburbs comedy to show me what he looked like with his pants around his ankles. And, you know, you never forget that. You never forget an open mic at the Laugh Out Loud Comedy theater in Schaumburg, Illinois, in roughly 2013, when Matt Drufke showed me his boxer shorts.

[Dan]

I'm really glad you took the time to get sincere and deal with your emotions.

[Jordan]

Well. I mean, there's one that matters most to that is the amount of Matt

[Dan]

Drufke's body I've seen and what a body it is.

[Jordan]

How about you? How are you feeling?

[Dan]

I'm good.

[Jordan]

You want to be sincere or you want to be fun?

[Dan]

Yeah, I'll be sincere.

[Jordan]

All right.

[Dan]

I Drove here.

[Jordan]

Nailed it. Nailed it.

[Dan]

Every time that I would come out here to perform at either here or at the shrine, I would always have to have someone else drive me. And it is a very weird feeling to have been like, I could. I can drive myself. I almost was gonna take a Lyft out here for, like, 150 bucks. I'm like, absolutely.

[Jordan]

Oh, my God. Dan. Dan. Holy shit. This just got fucking literary. This motherfuckers. This just got literary.

[Alex Jones]

Hold the phone.

[Dan]

It got literary.

[Jordan]

This just got literary. Dan and I, we met driving to Aurora.

[Dan]

It's true.

[Jordan]

I had to pick him up and drive out to the comedy shrine in Aurora for us to do comedy together. And now, what could be more fitting than this man driving himself to Aurora? Literary. This is. This is the hero's journey.

[Dan]

I refused the call.

[Jordan]

So for many years. Get on here.

[Dan]

For many years, I said, no, I can't drive. I got stuck behind a very large anime convention crowd in Rosemont.

[Jordan]

That'll happen.

[Dan]

And I was like, this is. These people. They should be going to our show. How much overlap is there? Are we gonna lose audience to the anime convention? Could some of these cool anime convention people come in their fun costumes to our show? And no, I don't see anyone dressed in crazy.

[Jordan]

I don't think our show lends to cosplay. I would be concerned what cosplayers would be like. Okay. I've been listening to a lot of knowledge fights. So here's what I'm gonna dress up as.

[Dan]

I see someone dressed as Leo Zagami in the back.

[Jordan]

I feel like you should always have bright lights on.

[Dan]

You're.

[Jordan]

If you're dressed as Leo Zagami, there should be a sign that says, the devil over your head. I am the Antichrist.

[Dan]

If I were him, I would always enter every room with, like, a ta.

[Jordan]

Da.

[Dan]

Yeah, it's me. I have just entered this room. So, Jordan, we should probably. We got an episode to do here.

[Jordan]

Do we have an episode to do?

[Dan]

Yeah, we do.

[Jordan]

Oh, man.

[Dan]

But before we get to the episode, I would like to a tiny bit of business I thanked. On our last episode. I think Da Danarchy, Angela Lampsbury, and I forgot to shout out Jack, who made our logo, and I felt really bad. So, Jack, big ups.

[Jordan]

Thank you very much. Sorry. Yeah, sorry.

[Dan]

Big ups.

[Jordan]

Absolutely.

[Dan]

So, Jordan, we've made it nine years.

[Jordan]

Nine years.

[Dan]

It's a long time to be doing a podcast. It kind of sucks to end, but if you think about it, we have outlived the combined time that Rob Schneider and Jim Brewer were on snl.

[Jordan]

That's true.

[Dan]

The two guys who went crazy right wing.

[Jordan]

That's true.

[Dan]

Put them together, they don't touch us.

[Jordan]

That's true. And then together, we are as funny as when Rob Schneider said, you can do it in the Wonder. So we've got that going for us.

[Dan]

Yeah. Me and Angela Lampsbury recently finished the Hot Chick. And I can't remember if this is a conversation we had off air or on the podcast about how her Internet went out halfway through the Hot Chick.

[Jordan]

I don't think so. See, here's the problem with you guys watching the movies that you're watching. I don't know when we're talking about white Chicks, the Hot Chick, or any other number of movies that have chick in the title.

[Dan]

The Hot Chick.

[Jordan]

That are vaguely offensive to somebody.

[Dan]

No, no, no. Not vaguely. Not vaguely. So damn offensive. It's awful.

[Jordan]

Fair enough.

[Dan]

We did watch the Whistle, though. I teased. I teased that.

[Jordan]

And I did the Whistle kill someone.

[Dan]

It's good.

[Jordan]

You fucking liar.

[Dan]

I hate to say it.

[Jordan]

The Whistle cannot be good.

[Dan]

The Whistle's good. You should check it out.

[Jordan]

I'll check out the Whist.

[Dan]

All right.

[Jordan]

That's the movie.

[Dan]

To me, it's a little better. So, Jordan, when we decided to wrap up our podcast with the final live show, you and I chatted a bit about how it would make the most sense for us to cover Alex's last day on air. On our last day on air. It would rhyme and it would have a fitting thematic overlap.

[Jordan]

Literary.

[Dan]

And I told you that that's what we were gonna do, right? I meant it. At the time, I wasn't lying to you. That was my first thought of what to do. But as soon as you left my apartment, I realized that we couldn't do that, because if we did, we'd betray the premise of the show. You can't know what we're covering in advance. So Alex's last day is out. We're not talking about that.

[Jordan]

We will talk about his last day on Earth. So we will reunite whenever the time is right.

[Dan]

You choose. I meant if we had another episode coming, I would scold you.

[Jordan]

Don't do it, Jordan.

[Dan]

But also, the more I thought about it, the more it felt like covering Alex's last show is what a normal podcast would do.

[Jordan]

Not us.

[Dan]

And we have never been a normal podcast.

[Jordan]

God bless us for it.

[Dan]

We zig when it makes sense to zag. So we're gonna end this show having not covered Alex's last day on InfoWars. And that's fine. It wasn't a good show. Alex interviewed a Nazi wearing Heil Hitler merch and interviewed Jamie Kennedy about how California is a liberal hellhole.

[Jordan]

Which one was which?

[Dan]

I think Jamie Kennedy had an Epstein mask behind him on a shelf. It was fucking weird. What is Jamie Kennedy doing on the last Infowars broadcast?

[Jordan]

You know what's interesting? I didn't know. Of all the things that I thought we were gonna discover in a Nazi Hellhol thought we would discover is how few ideas they have. Just fucking Jamie Kennedy is what you got. Really?

[Dan]

I thought it was gonna be like a haha. Alex, you got X'd. Cause, you know, the Jamie Kennedy Experience. You did the pranks.

[Jordan]

Oh, my God, that's. He said you got X'd, didn't he? Yep.

[Dan]

Thank you, thank you, thank you for the one voice.

[Jordan]

Yeah. I watched every episode.

[Dan]

I have no idea if you're right or not, but one person saying yes

[Jordan]

saved all we need. All we need. All I've ever needed.

[Dan]

I have legit never watch the Jamie Kennedy Experience, but I think I've seen it all, you know?

[Jordan]

You've experienced it, if you will.

[Dan]

Yeah. I don't want to belabor this, but there was a weird moment on Alex's last broadcast where he's complaining about the Onion. And so he plays a clip of Tim Heidecker from, like, Tim and Eric, and it's, like, absurd. And then without taking any break, it goes to a sketch that Jamie Kennedy did to introduce Jamie Kennedy.

[Jordan]

Weird.

[Dan]

And I was like, everyone's just gonna think that's still the under.

[Jordan]

It's the same sketch.

[Dan]

Yeah, it was very jarring. And Jamie Kennedy was in blackface.

[Jordan]

All right, all right.

[Dan]

It was rough. It was.

[Jordan]

You know what's weird? Of all the things that that makes me think of, it's a Tim and Eric sketch, and that sketch is just a voice in my head going, think about your dad. So I don't know if anybody likes Tim and Eric, but there you go.

[Dan]

So, Jordan, if we're not gonna cover Alex's last day on air, what are we gonna cover?

[Jordan]

Alex's first day in hell.

[Dan]

If I could find his first show, I would fucking do that for sure. That would be so good.

[Jordan]

It would be literary as fuck, if you will.

[Dan]

Yeah. He'd be so hopeful.

[Jordan]

Yeah, I bet this will never go south. No one's ever suing me.

[Dan]

So often when we do live shows, I like to try to theme the episode based on the city we're in. Like how in Portland we covered the anniversary of when AC Green finally had sex.

[Jordan]

It was a very important day.

[Dan]

I considered theming things around Chicago, but the first thing I had was like, I thought about, like, documenting the many times Chicago was supposed to have been nuked and then narrowly survived.

[Jordan]

Sure.

[Dan]

But as I thought about it more, I realized that for the last year or so, I've been very subtly teasing that I wanted to do a live show in Atlanta. Atlanta. Talking about the pyramids and what have you. You know, I realize now that that's never going to happen. We're never going to get to go to Atlanta and do this show. But I still want to cover that episode. And it works surprisingly well for our purposes here today. So for the next 90 minutes or so, we're in Atlanta. Transport yourself in your mind to the atl.

[Jordan]

Put on your fedoras. We're going to ch.

[Dan]

Mike has a fedora on it in the tattoo.

[Jordan]

Oh, nice, Scatman. Oh, that's true. You're right.

[Dan]

All right, so I'm not gonna tell you exactly why this episode would be better in Atlanta, but I do think that as we go along, it'll start to become clear. So today, Jordan, we wrap things up by covering September 9, 2016. Ooh, ooh.

[Jordan]

There's no need for you guys to also. It's just a fun thing. It's like a showbiz thing.

[Dan]

You know, I'm not opening this up to the audience, but, Jordan, do you have any thoughts of what the theming could be?

[Jordan]

No. Like beyond? No. I have no clue. I don't even have a guess. Great. I don't even know anything about. I don't Remember September in 2016.

[Dan]

It was. Yeah, it was hot.

[Jordan]

I don't know.

[Dan]

It was just before. It was just before the election,

[Jordan]

frankly. Everything pre Covid is gone. Let's just put it that way. It's all gone.

[Dan]

Yeah.

[Alex Jones]

Brain fog, baby.

[Dan]

So one thing that is kind of fun about this is like, this is we didn't exist at this point. This is before we had started this. So that will be important later. But we start things off with Alex

[Jordan]

talking about, I hope nobody ever makes a show about it. I hope nobody ever makes a very specific long running show whose episodes or maybe too long sometimes.

[Dan]

I strongly predict that I will be taken seriously into the future.

[Jordan]

Well, at least I hope it won't be two white guys.

[Dan]

And if there are two white guys, one of them will not have multiple joke tattoos about the show. So anyway, the global Alex starts off here. They don't Promote the best.

[Alex Jones]

Sure.

[Dan]

And that's their problem.

[Jordan]

That is their problem.

[Dan]

Bad promotion, Bad promotion. Uh oh.

[Jordan]

Uh oh.

[Dan]

This worked. This worked.

[Jordan]

It worked. Just a short while.

[Dan]

And it will work.

[Jordan]

It will work.

[Dan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jordan]

Don't worry about it. One enthusiastic ladies and gentlemen, don't worry. We will edit this part out.

[Dan]

Or maybe we won't.

[Jordan]

Our final episode will sound like it went off without a hitch.

[Dan]

Oh, it'll be so smooth.

[Jordan]

No sound guy will be scrambling to figure out what the fuck is going on here. Not at all. We will not have any people on it. Instead, the listeners at home will go, my God, how could anyone have pulled off a show so easily?

[Dan]

See now, but the fun part about this is it makes it easier for me to pretend I'm in Atlanta. Cause now I'm gonna start sweating. This is gonna be. This is an immersive experience.

[Jordan]

I mean, listen, folks, if we don't have clips, I'm gonna have to start trying to remember jokes I did 15 years ago and they didn't get me here.

[Dan]

Yep.

[Jordan]

Oh, boy.

[Dan]

Do you have a one man show?

[Jordan]

Oh. I was born in Texas in 1943. I thought oil was to become my life, but then I met a young Bolivian boy named Raul and. Raul. Wait, I'm sorry, what?

[Dan]

Oh, Raul.

[Jordan]

Raul. Oh, Raul.

[Dan]

I was just trying to, like to give me some.

[Jordan]

A little, little zhuzh to keep the story going in case I'm flagging because we have no other options.

[Dan]

And the fun part for me too is like, I know nothing about how to fix this.

[Jordan]

No, no, no, no. There's nothing either of us can do. And it's interesting because it is the whole show.

[Dan]

Yep.

[Jordan]

It's not like, ooh, you know, I like to watch a lot of cooking shows with my wife. Wife. Whom I love dearly. And a lot of the times, whenever something's going wrong, the chefs will panic and then there'll be a music sting and it'll be like, ah. And then they'll be like, ah, but I'm going to pivot. And they go and they have a different idea and then they do that and then they fail because that's stupid. Right? And it feels like this would be a good time to pivot, but we do not have a pivot. Wait, I heard that.

[Dan]

I heard a little bit of something there. So none of that happened.

[Jordan]

Woo. Edit it out, everybody. None of that happened.

[Dan]

No snitching, don't tell anybody.

[Jordan]

But also think a little bit about Raul the next time you're having sex.

[Dan]

Oh, Raul.

[Jordan]

Think A little bit about Raul. He's amazing.

[Dan]

He's.

[Jordan]

Please let this work.

[Dan]

It'll work, it's fine.

[Alex Jones]

And the globalist biggest fault in their operations is that they do not promote the best and the brightest, even in their own guild. Now they do it via seniority, like it's North Korea or something. And that's why North Korea supplies us with an endless stream of very, very wicked satire. Very, very twisted satire because it is so disconnected. They can't manufacture an automobile, they can't basically invent any technology. They have nothing. And they have a toddling third generation hereditary dictator who executes members of his family if during 18 hour government events they look like they nod off for 30 seconds. What a wonderful world to live in. North Korea bans sarcasm because Kim Jong Un fears people only agree with him ironically. So schizophrenic, so mentally ill. You just document him. I can show TV viewers this article. It's out of the London dependent and it's the generals all running around worshiping him like he's a God. Talk about total fruitcake delusional behavior. I mean, it's a joke, but that's big government for you. That's, that's hereditary power for you. That's, that's passing the reins on to your minions. And that's what we see with Hillary Clinton. The same stumbling around, the same sycophantic behavior, the same worship behavior from her aides. She is emblematic of this rotting facade preparing to collapse in on itself now.

[Dan]

Yeah, Hillary Clinton is, is North Korea.

[Jordan]

Hillary's busy. Yeah, man. I, I do wonder, I do wonder. The idea of North. I, I think what he means to say is that because North Korea is so fucked up, North Korea brings us the, like a satirical concept of how dictatorships could go bad. I suppose that idea. But now I'm starting to think of like, like what if you could dictatorship so bad people could only export satire. And it was just like, oh, fuck, man, North Korea's a terrible place to live. But their satire is so fucking good.

[Dan]

It's swift again.

[Jordan]

God, they're so good at satire, hacking and satire.

[Dan]

How would you ban sarcasm? Have you. I don't know exactly. It's perfect, perfect.

[Jordan]

What else is there to say?

[Dan]

It would be so great to like have someone try to ban sarkas.

[Jordan]

Oh, you're banning sarcasm, are you?

[Dan]

You're gonna get killed. But it's gonna be hilarious.

[Jordan]

If you're sarcastic towards me, I will kill you.

[Dan]

Yeah, will you?

[Jordan]

Fuck. Fuck.

[Dan]

But there's something so quaint and cute about the idea of like, oh, we're mad at Hillary.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dan]

You know, like, there's something.

[Jordan]

Those were good times. I miss being mad at Hillary for this.

[Dan]

Yeah, I miss being mad at Hillary.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dan]

So we get to this next clip, and Alex is talking about the. The globalists. And I was shocked to learn that he doesn't know who's in charge in 2016,

[Alex Jones]

Donald Trump has come out and said, quote, hillary Clinton is running a global criminal enterprise and spreading terrorism. True words about Hillary Clinton have never been said. She does run a large global criminal enterprise. She is the progenitor or the fount. The Fountainhead, the source with George Soros and a few others. They're the top captains. We not quite sure who the head general is, but we know who runs the show they brought us.

[Jordan]

Right.

[Alex Jones]

We don't know who the king of the ring race are, but we know who they are.

[Jordan]

Yeah, we do.

[Dan]

What the are you talking about? Like, Clouse Schwab exists at this point.

[Jordan]

How do you not know who the king of the Ringwraiths is? Yeah, he's the guy riding the dragon.

[Dan]

Alex has visions from God. You know who the Ringwraiths are. You know who's running this?

[Jordan]

Ah, we'll never find out who the main guy is, but, ah, let's.

[Dan]

So look, we got some ideas about middle management. We've nailed them.

[Jordan]

There's so many options. You could just pick a random person. You could just be like, ah, Bill Gates is the main guy. Why not? Who fucking cares? Nobody's gonna stop you. No, no.

[Dan]

And it would work. It would be fine. But I like this honesty.

[Jordan]

Absolutely. You gotta be clear with it.

[Dan]

Honesty.

[Jordan]

Just because I am the one creating the fictional universe where this bad guy exists, doesn't mean I know who the bad guy is.

[Dan]

I haven't decided who we're gonna pin this all on yet, but trust me, I'll have known about it in the past when I tell you, it'll be great. I will backdate this. So Hillary, she's got some health problems.

[Jordan]

Living in the future's wild.

[Dan]

She's not dead. And Alex is predicting she's gonna be dead real soon at this point, 10 years ago.

[Jordan]

Right.

[Dan]

But Millie Weaver, who at this point had not become Rainbow Snatch.

[Jordan]

We haven't even seen her become Rainbow Snatch yet.

[Dan]

No, but she had captured some video of Hillary. And so that becomes like a major news cycle.

[Alex Jones]

All right, Getting into her health. This is from the association of American Physicians and Surgeons. As the second largest group in the country Hillary's health concerns serious. Shame. Most doctors pulled by the association of American physicians and surgeons. 71% of doctors say Hillary's health concerns are real serious and could be disqualifying. Yeah, Dr. Drew, he was an anti Hillary. He just got asked about on a radio show, also at a CNN show for five, six years. Got canceled a week after he said just the drugs he's taking and the medical records she released. It's just crazy. I mean, I want to talk to her doctors. I want to talk to her. This is dangerous.

[Dan]

Yeah. I'd love Alex to talk to Hillary's doctor. That's not a HIPAA violation right there.

[Jordan]

So I like the idea of using Dr. Drew as a reference for. That's like. That's like being a caveman. Being like, Dr. Ugh. Ug says like, fucking Dr. Drew. Get the fuck out of here.

[Dan]

There's a little bit of a rule that you should have, and that is that if it's Dr. And then someone's first name bad. And also Dr. Drew's first name is David. I know this. Cause I listen to Loveline all the time.

[Jordan]

So Dr. Drew has two first names?

[Dan]

Yeah. David Drew Pinsky.

[Jordan]

We should have seen it all coming. I know. Dishonest. It was all there in the beginning.

[Dan]

So Dr. Drew didn't have his show canceled after he spoke out about Hillary's health. Drew's been a guy who's been trapped in a death spiral of media attention since I was in junior high, with his peak being when he and Adam Carolla hosted the radio version of Loveline and simultaneously had the TV version on mtv. He was America's favorite cool doctor, and he got to pretend to psychologically analyze the players. On the first season of Big Brother. After Stern went to satellite radio, Adam got an opportunity to take over his slot on the west coast markets. So he left Loveline to create the Adam Carolla show, which kind of sucked. Sucked, but showed a little bit of promise in the early days. I think I might have been really young and drunk.

[Jordan]

You know, a lot of the times when you're living in the present, it can make the past look real fucking stupid.

[Dan]

Yep.

[Jordan]

And liking Adam Carolla looks real fucking stupid.

[Dan]

Yep.

[Jordan]

Yep.

[Dan]

But without Adam, Dr. Drew really didn't have a lot going on. He hosted Loveline with other people in the past prior, like Poor man and Ricky Rackman. But no one could deny that Carolla was the juice that made that show work. Drew tried other versions of Loveline with some other Corolla replacements, but made his way onto tv, where he hosted the show Celebrity Rehab, which was likely partially responsible for multiple cast members deaths.

[Jordan]

Can we all stop and just appreciate for just a moment how much do you personally suck if you can't replace Adam Carolla?

[Dan]

It was a different time.

[Jordan]

There's nobody as good.

[Dan]

So, for reasons that no one can possibly explain, Celebrity Rehab ran for six seasons with Drew doing a spin off season of Sex Rehab, which was very tasteful and not exploitative at all. Since then, Dr. Drew has done basically anything he can to make a buck, and now is a right wing culture war podcaster who hides his dumb ideas behind a medical degree. I'd be remiss not to mention that it came out that Drew had not disclose that he accepted $275,000 in 1999 from GlaxoSmithKline to promote the antidepressant Wellbutrin, which he did heavily on Loveline. For someone who's now making money pretending to be skeptical about companies like Pfizer and Moderna, he sure didn't mind getting rich secretly working with them when he did a show targeted at children. Between this and how much he and Adam would make sexual jokes with minors on their show, you'd think those audiences would pizzagate them by now. Like, it looks bad in hindsight.

[Jordan]

Sometimes when you look at the timeline of our lives, you start thinking, maybe people only gave a shit like, 10 years ago. Maybe before that, everybody was like, bab, what you gonna do?

[Dan]

Right?

[Jordan]

14 years old, pregnant. That's the right time.

[Dan]

We look far back and we're like, okay, everyone was on opium back then, right? You know? Or like, there's a good stretch, you know, We. We tell ourselves that's why no one was paying attention, but we don't have that excuse.

[Jordan]

Yeah, I mean, what is it? So let's. Let's do the decades, right? You got your tens, everybody's doing coke. You got your twenties, everybody's doing heroin. You got your thirties, everybody's doing coke again. You got your forties, everybody's doing a lot of brand new psychedelics. You got your 50s, everybody's just smoking weed because they got bored. And again, then you got your 60s, everybody's getting real with it. Everybody's each other.

[Dan]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[Jordan]

What?

[Dan]

All of these have been drugs, and then they just got real with it.

[Alex Jones]

Yeah.

[Dan]

What does that mean?

[Jordan]

Charles Manson, Hashish. What?

[Dan]

What was the drug that was getting real?

[Jordan]

That was the good LSD. That was when they raised LSD to another level. Then you got your 70s. They went back to Coke and the 80s with the Coke and then the 90s with the MDMA. And then you got the early thousands with the better mdma. And then you've got now where we just read the news and feel bad.

[Dan]

We need a new. I hate to sound like Cuban Lewis,

[Jordan]

but we need a new drug. We need new drugs. That's our problem.

[Dan]

What won't make me sick. So Alex brought up the association of American Physicians and Surgeons, who are apparently the second largest group in the country. I assume he means they're the second largest doctor group in the country, but that's definitely not true. True, it has a name that makes you think that it's the one definitive group of physicians and surgeons. But in reality, the AAPS is a right wing political advocacy group that started in 1943 as a means of fighting against the Wagner Murray dingle bill, which was written

[Jordan]

poor, poor every single human being who's ever had the last name Dingle. Sorry. Yeah, you lose, lose.

[Dan]

We're adults.

[Jordan]

Like if you couldn't, if you heard like, oh, the blank dingle civil rights bill, you'd be like, come on man, get a better guy. No, I think you get a better guy to free the slaves. Come on man.

[Dan]

I think you could support it, but also be like, hehe, that's fine. But anyway, that bill was written to give Americans more access to government funded health care. Sure, the bill itself was a non starter and it never made it out of committee, but the fear that like

[Jordan]

a lot of dingles.

[Dan]

Yeah, but the fear that it caused in the insurance and business owner communities were enough to cause a big old freak out. Where the American Medical association opposed the bill, but they weren't extreme enough about their opposition, thus leading to the AAPS being created as an alternative. They have heavy overlap memberships and leadership with the John Birch Society and the Eagle forum over the. And they're basically just a right wing political hack group.

[Jordan]

Yeah, that sounds right.

[Dan]

They've also taken money from Philip Morris to help fight against smoking bans and

[Jordan]

stop the government from doctors against smoking bans.

[Dan]

No, you can find their op EDS that are like, is smoking so bad? Like I was a pack a day at least smoker and I came around on smoking bans. Like they have to be getting pain so much.

[Jordan]

My wife and I, we smoked for years and even both of us the other night were like, man, thank God we don't smoke inside anymore. It smells like shit.

[Dan]

Yeah. They believe that there's a link between vaccines and autism and deny that There's a link between HIV and AIDS. And in 2008, they published an anonymous paper accusing Obama of winning the election by hypnotizing the public.

[Jordan]

All right, part.

[Dan]

Before you. Before you get, like. Part of their argument was that Obama's logo quite might just be the letter O, but it also resembles a crystal ball, the favorite of hypnotists.

[Jordan]

Shit. Yeah, shit, I hadn't considered that. Fuck. Oh, God damn it.

[Dan]

Put that in your dingle and smoke it.

[Jordan]

That's where we get real the good shit.

[Dan]

So, like, thinking that Obama hypnotized the United States, that sounds like fairly normal political discussion in 2026. But it's important to remember that was rightly understood to be embarrassing in 2008. Anyway, they loved Rand and Ron Paul, and they did their part to attack Hillary in the 2016 election. And Alex is presenting them as one of the most important medical outlets in the country in order to further further that. But it's a bunch of nonsense. They're hacks.

[Jordan]

I just love the idea of, like, evil doctors coming through medical school and. And them being, like, trying to drill into, like, the hypocrite first, do no harm. And the whole time they're just like, I'm gonna keep people smoking inside.

[Dan]

It is not the government's place

[Jordan]

first,

[Dan]

do no harm very much.

[Jordan]

Johns Hopkins University.

[Dan]

First, do no harm. Second, be a dick. Third, do a little harm. So Alex is spending a lot of this show talking about Hillary, and it would surprise you to learn that it also apparently is not allowed. People are not allowed to talk about Hillary in the media.

[Alex Jones]

How dare you on a radio show in America talk about the witch King, Hillary Clinton. You just do not press climate in this country, people. And that's why there were hundreds and hundreds and hundreds. I mean, I can't count them all up. I. I typed in Alex Jones Hillary Clinton earpiece, and there were over a thousand articles that popped up. I just looked at 10 or so this morning, and they had the Chicago Tribune saying that I'm this wicked, evil, dark, horrible devil. And then I'm just so horrible, and then I must be stopped. And how dare Donald Trump Jr tweet out our story and how evil Matt Drudge is and blah, blah, blah. How could we question her? This is just the most outrageous thing ever. I'm just picking this article because it was just one of the ones I looked at because it's all nothing but talking points they've put out, regurgitated by this guy.

[Dan]

So Alex has put out this story about Hillary Clinton's health and also made allegations that she's using an earpiece.

[Jordan]

Right.

[Dan]

That is based on a tweet that he saw from James Woods. So Alex did a story.

[Jordan]

He was a family guy, so yeah, Woods,

[Dan]

I think he's been some other stuff, like trouble, but.

[Jordan]

Oh, he was Haiti.

[Dan]

Sure.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dan]

So anyway, leaving that demonic James woods facts. So Alex saw that tweet, he wrote an article about it, or someone wrote an article about it. And now like there's people who are talking about him writing an article about it, like this guy in the Chicago Tribune. And now Alex is doing his show complaining about people complaining about him covering something that he read in a James woods tweet.

[Jordan]

Right.

[Dan]

It's exhausting.

[Jordan]

It. It's good radio is what it is.

[Dan]

Yeah, yeah. He's very mad about this Tribune writer. And, you know, it might come back up. Oh, yeah, yeah, it might. Oh, I'm not making any promises.

[Jordan]

Okay. I mean, if it's not, I mean, if you're foreshadowing, that's fine, but if you're not, then we can also accept that you're not foreshadowing.

[Dan]

We'll see. But I will say that it's appropriate that he is a Chicago Tribune writer.

[Jordan]

Right, right.

[Dan]

So Alex has found another article. First of all, Kim Jong Un has banned sarcasm. People are mad about his illness.

[Jordan]

Oh, has he? Yay. But, oh, has he?

[Dan]

There's no response to that.

[Alex Jones]

I've got to kill you.

[Dan]

So Alex has found another article about how we're so close to nuclear war.

[Alex Jones]

I want to just take you back to an article out of the UK sun just two days ago that I saw read the headline of, but never even covered. And it's over a 20 page article with all these top scientists, all these top historians, sociologists, psychologists, military experts. By the way, our Pentagon concurs with these reports saying the planet is closer to catastrophic World War III than at any time for 60 years. Experts warn. And it doesn't look good for Britain or America if it does off. And this is a big detailed report that's excellent that I want to go over and probably shoot a special report next week on and get some of these guests on just to look at all the trigger points and you know, the things that are expanding and happening around the planet because, you know, we do our research here, but it's good to see it in a big detailed report like this. And some people will say, say, well, we haven't had a nuclear war yet, so what's the problem?

[Jordan]

That's A good point.

[Alex Jones]

Well, the problem is it's like having to say a 65 year old building. That's how long we've had, you know, the modern atomic age. And we haven't had a big fire yet. Well, statistics show the longer the building's there, the better a chance it's going to end up having a fire. Wait, just because of time going by? Statistically, there's a better chance over a long period of time. There's an oak tree that's 300 years old. Maybe a better chance or a worse chance of being struck by lightning. It has a better chance of being struck by lightning. I get where it is because it's more time.

[Jordan]

No, I, I see.

[Alex Jones]

Same thing. And you look at all this. The world is getting more dangerous, right? It is not less dangerous.

[Jordan]

Sure.

[Dan]

I think the fire in the building thing is about, like codes. I think that's about the regulation that Alex hates. But let's leave that aside. So I like that your response was that there's no way he read that article. Because you are right for sure. So that sun article is not a comprehensive 20 something page breakdown of a possible World War 3. However, one of the sources in that article that it cites is a 25 page report that had recently been released by the Atlantic Council. So Alex is pretending he read that when he just scrolled through all these pictures in a British tabloid.

[Jordan]

Right? Yeah, that's the same basic thing.

[Dan]

Incidentally, the Atlantic Council report was mostly about how a world war could break out because of Putin's aspirations to expand his sphere of influence in neighboring countries at a time when NATO was distracted or weakened internationally. Oh, all of which Alex supports.

[Jordan]

Sure.

[Dan]

But I want to talk about lightning and old trees.

[Jordan]

All right, let's hear this.

[Dan]

This is a stupid point that Alex makes, but it actually highlights a fundamental problem with the way he thinks. Assuming that they're all in the same area and subject to the same weather conditions, every tree is just as likely to be struck by lightning as any other. If there's a variable that matters more than age, it's probably height. But not all trees grow taller over time. Each lightning strike is an independent event. And whether or not you've been hit by lightning in the past doesn't really impact your chances next time. Being hit doesn't make you more or less likely to be hit in the future because storms aren't keeping score. They don't check you off the list.

[Jordan]

I respect what you're saying, but the sky does look at me pretty mean sometimes.

[Dan]

Sure. I Know, and sometimes it looks like

[Jordan]

a pony or something, but it's got, like. It's for me. Sure.

[Dan]

Yeah. Just have a seat.

[Jordan]

Have a seat. Okay, I'll sit by.

[Dan]

Have someone come talk to you.

[Jordan]

No, no, no, it's okay. No, I'm calm.

[Dan]

Having been hit by lightning is something that your chances increase with over time. The longer you live, the more likely it is that anything can have happened in the time that you've been alive. But this is a meaningless and unhelpful kind of probability. It can be helpful at a population level, but it's not good when you're getting a little more zoomed in. For example, in terms of the general population, it's more likely that someone who's 40 will have ridden a horse than someone who's 5. That's not because there's anything about aging that correlates to horse riding. You just have more opportunities to ride horses as you go through life.

[Jordan]

What you're saying is we need to find smaller horses for five year olds.

[Dan]

I'm listening.

[Jordan]

All right. Okay.

[Dan]

I've got some time now. I'm open to business.

[Jordan]

Let's breed some tiny horses. How small can we make a horse? Is the question that I feel like we're all afraid to ask.

[Dan]

I've got people working around the clock.

[Jordan]

I already work around the. Okay.

[Dan]

If you see a 13 year old who's never ridden a horse, you know nothing about whether or not they are going to in the future. That's what I'm saying. Similarly, a tree that is older has had more time during which it could have been struck by lightning. But that doesn't tell you anything about how likely it is to be struck in the future. In Alex's example, we've been living with nuclear weapons for 60 years, which is a lot of time for there to have been a nuclear war. Sure, we would be more likely to have encountered nuclear war than a civilization that's only had nukes for a year. But this is useless as information. The thing to understand is that this thinking, the kind of thinking that Alex is presenting, it only makes sense if you view the end result as inevitable. If all trees are eventually going to be hit by lightning, that changes the way you interpret this information. If all trees eventually get hit by lightning, then every day a tree doesn't get hit by hit is one less day that it didn't get hit. Which slightly raises the odds that it could be hit tomorrow.

[Jordan]

And we should be grateful to God for that. Yes.

[Dan]

Everyone, bow your heads. This is the premise that Alex is sneaking into his argument that he knows that his audience isn't going to pick up on. In order for what he's saying to mean anything, he needs to believe that an apocalyptic nuclear war is inevitable. If you understand these hidden premises and implications of the things that Alex is saying, it makes it much easier to see how clear of an idiot and a deceptive liar he is. Yeah, so anyway, I just like that kind of. I like trees, you know,

[Jordan]

to revisit something I like. Here's what I like being told. I like being told that experts think we're closer to World War Three than at any point in the last 60 years. Which is accurate. But because it would be insane if somebody was like, hey man, 200 years ago we were so close to World War Three.

[Dan]

Yeah, or like before World War Two, in between.

[Jordan]

Why? Yeah, where's? It's right there. It's right there. I know World War II hasn't happened yet, but you fuckers are gonna do the three afterwards? Right away? Yeah.

[Dan]

Are you gonna jump?

[Jordan]

Yeah. That's crazy.

[Dan]

Get ahead of yourself. Go for three nuts, lunch, dinner, dis, dessert.

[Jordan]

It's like what? World wars are basically chopped.

[Dan]

So look, there's so many plants, there's so many nuclear plants in the world. They're like, they're all gonna, like something's gonna happen eventually. We're all gonna blow up.

[Alex Jones]

And now we've got 440something power producing nuclear reactors and hundreds and hundreds, several hundred other research reactors. I go to the Department of Energy's own website and, and you can also the International Atomic Energy Agency website, and it doesn't even list two nuclear reactors that are in Austin. So when I say there's 700 reactors, that's not counting submarines. Add 300, 400 more onto that, who knows how many reactions? Who knows? And here's the difference. They're supposed to shut these plants down after 30, 40 years. They're not shutting them down. And they just don't even seem to care. Now they're turning the alarms off all over the country so that when they leak radiation, by law, the alarms would go off. Well, that scares the public. So now they just turn the alarms off.

[Dan]

Smart.

[Alex Jones]

So bottom line, September is preparedness month. Everybody needs to get prepared that way. It's a win win if bad things don't happen and there is an economic crisis, so there aren't larger wars or whatever. Hey, you got insurance. You can eat high quality horrible foods. You're drinking water through great water purification systems already. Not just for A disaster. But just for the ongoing. Glyphosates and all the rest of the trash.

[Jordan]

Sure.

[Alex Jones]

We've got specials. The biggest we've ever run.

[Dan]

Biggest. These are big ass specials. You got to get this food because there's fucking submarines out there.

[Jordan]

Not counting the submarine. No one's.

[Dan]

Hillary won't count the submarines, I think.

[Jordan]

So here's what's fun about this, right? So I think a lot of times when conspiracy people do stuff like that where like, ah, they're just walking around in there turning the lights off, they don't stop and think about how truly concerning some behavior would be. Like this person is aware, like embodied. This person, oh, this is a reactor.

[Dan]

We better click.

[Jordan]

That's a more concerning person than the person who's going to kill you. Right? Isn't that more terrifying than somebody who's like, ah, I'm gonna stab you. You're at least like, I know where we stand.

[Dan]

The nuclear as the box.

[Jordan]

And they're like, whoa, I think I fucked up, guys. I'll be somewhere else.

[Dan]

Look, the beeping is annoying. I'm just gonna turn it off.

[Jordan]

The beeping is annoying. That's fair.

[Dan]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

We've all had a fire alarm go off and be like, well, I guess we'll just die then.

[Dan]

Smoke detector. Don't replace those batteries. I didn't want annoying. Takes me back to the old days of Loveline. Back when Al, Adam and Drew would get distracted by someone having a smoke alarm beeping in the background. Anybody else remember that? Those days, those were good days. God, we.

[Jordan]

Who am I going to get to replace Corolla?

[Dan]

Oh, and his man. When I was young, I thought that accordion, him being so mad about accordions was so funny.

[Jordan]

Anyway, these are very specific references.

[Dan]

Yep. And they are not working. Two or three people.

[Jordan]

Yep.

[Dan]

So we, you know, our show is coming to an end. That's true. But in some ways all of us are immortal. Do you know that?

[Jordan]

Sure. I'm not going to start a fight about it now. Now.

[Dan]

Well, Alex is going to talk to you a little bit about it here in this next clip. And I didn't want you to come into it cold. Good.

[Alex Jones]

I'm gonna live forever through my project. Big secret. We now take you live to the Central Texas Command center in the heart of the resistance. You're listening to Alex Jones. All of my ancestors are alive with me now in spirit, in DNA and in this body. That's the magic of God's creat. Everything comes in threes. You have a spirit you have an individual life and then you have the genetic collective, one more of the entity you are.

[Dan]

What?

[Alex Jones]

It's amazing. It's beyond any science fiction you can imagine. And you're not going to read what you just heard in a book. I've studied history, I've studied epigenetics, I've studied wide spectrum information. And let me tell you, that is what's happening. That's what's going on.

[Dan]

Hell yeah, man.

[Jordan]

What's going on?

[Alex Jones]

I don't know.

[Jordan]

No, no, no. But it is what's happening.

[Dan]

You remember how you were talking about like the 60s or 70s before they get into it? That's what this is. That's. That feels.

[Jordan]

That feels real.

[Dan]

So, I mean, like, you've got. You got your spirit.

[Jordan]

All right? You got your spirit.

[Dan]

I think that it's really funny that Alex didn't really take the time to think of what the three things are before he started the sentence.

[Jordan]

I appreciate the confidence with which you begin, though. You're like, everything boils down to threes. And then there's gotta be the voice in the back of the dead that goes, fuck.

[Dan]

Duh.

[Jordan]

I had one at best loaded in the chamber.

[Dan]

I'm about to reveal to you the secrets of the universe.

[Alex Jones]

I'm immortal.

[Dan]

Fucking.

[Jordan]

All right, we got one. Okay, the second one coming through. All right. Woo. Number three. It's gonna be too hard to exoteric.

[Dan]

So you have a spirit and you have an individual life.

[Jordan]

Sure.

[Dan]

Those two, pretty straightforward.

[Jordan]

They feel like the same thing.

[Dan]

Well, not really. I think there's a way you could. You could. I'm not interested in arguing because things really fall apart with the third one.

[Jordan]

Yeah, that's the problem.

[Dan]

You have a genetic collective of the entity that you are.

[Jordan]

That was the problem.

[Dan]

Is that the Borg, the Genet.

[Jordan]

Can we. The genetic collective of the entity you are.

[Dan]

What the fuck?

[Jordan]

The genetic collective.

[Dan]

I love the idea that in 2016, like, someone was listening to this and being like blowing my fucking mind. That guy knows stuff. So I was thinking about it and this seems like the darkest idea that I could imagine.

[Jordan]

Okay.

[Dan]

If you love your family and you have a great relationship with them, then I guess it's kind of fun to imagine that your genes that they passed on to you are literally them and they live on in you.

[Jordan]

But not collective.

[Dan]

Yeah, but not everyone's family is good. If you have an abusive parent. Alex's ideology requires you never be able to get free from. From them, no matter what you do, to grow and become your own person. Your DNA is them living on through you and giving them immortality.

[Jordan]

You're not the entity you are.

[Dan]

No, you can't be.

[Jordan]

No, you are they Even beyond this

[Dan]

monstrous idea, the idea that your like children give you immortality is a very short walk from eugenics. If some people are fundamentally evil, as Alex explicitly believes, then why would you want them to become become immortal through their children? Only good people should be allowed to reproduce is what this leads to very easily.

[Jordan]

You know what? Now that I hear you say it out loud. No, because when I was thinking it, oh, only good people should reproduce. It sounded good. But then you say it out loud in front of all these people and I go, oh, maybe there's a bad idea here.

[Dan]

Yeah, kind of sounds better when you talk about the genetic entity.

[Jordan]

This could go wrong.

[Dan]

Wrong Colony mine could go wrong.

[Jordan]

Who gets decided to decide who's good? Ah, and I'm dead.

[Dan]

Also. If you are your genetics and you live on through your genes, what about like, other stuff that has your DNA in it do?

[Jordan]

What do you mean socks?

[Dan]

No. Yeah, I guess I do.

[Jordan]

All right. That one deserves one mug. I'll give. I get one mug. Mug. This is our last show.

[Dan]

Thank you, Cheeky. I want to call you cheeky. Yeah, like, but if you give someone an organ, do you like, become them because your DNA is then in them.

[Jordan]

Oh, fuck. I feel like I saw a movie that was that.

[Dan]

I think. I think, yeah. If you donate blood, have you colonized a bunch of genetic collectives with like, your blood going in?

[Jordan]

I feel like that's something we could find out. How?

[Dan]

I'm gonna give a bunch of people

[Jordan]

my blood, see if I can control them. What do you not understand about this experiment? It is very straightforward.

[Dan]

I have donated a ton of blood and sold my plasma and I can't control anybody.

[Jordan]

Yes. You don't know that though. Cause you don't know who got your blood and plasma. We got people here. Open up your veins. Shit's gonna get weird.

[Dan]

How could I argue?

[Jordan]

I always wanted to say that.

[Dan]

How can I argue with the scientific method? It's fun to joke around about all this stuff and the things Alex is saying, but the bottom line is that no one believes any of this shit unless they're trying to promote racism while pretending that they're not racist. There's an extra layer to that clip that I found really fun. Which is that Alex is saying that you're not gonna find any of this information in a book. But he's also saying that he found this wisdom through study. Sure. The contradiction here arises from the fact that Alex is an idiot and he doesn't know the difference between studying and making shit up.

[Jordan]

So I was reading this book. Right, right. And that thing made me think of something completely different.

[Dan]

Okay.

[Jordan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're never gonna read that in

[Dan]

the book, but that studying.

[Jordan]

I'm not gonna write it down, though.

[Dan]

You studied this book by thinking about other things.

[Jordan]

I genuinely can't understand your words right now. To do that, I would need to read a book.

[Dan]

So imagine a tree. It's over. There's a storm coming. When does the train arrive in Detroit?

[Jordan]

No, no. 60 miles an hour.

[Dan]

So Alex is talking about how, like, people's families, they're off limits. Like, he's not gonna attack this Chicago traffic Tribune, guys.

[Jordan]

That's very kind of him.

[Dan]

Yeah, that's super nice.

[Jordan]

I'm sure that sticks for the rest of his career.

[Dan]

Yeah, totally, totally, totally.

[Alex Jones]

And even in modern American. Unwritten jurisprudence, jurisprudence, you don't target people's families for political assassination. And you don't even target families, wives, daughters, sons, if they're not politically involved.

[Jordan]

It would be weird if that was.

[Alex Jones]

Go after people that are not in the arena. And there's a good reason for that.

[Dan]

There is.

[Alex Jones]

You start going to people's families. Clubs come off real fast, and the veneer civilization peels away like tiles on the bottom of the. A spacecraft coming in. Is that what it's like through the atmosphere? Does that sound into the ocean? Okay, but I have seen vitriol by former US Generals and by current NATO commanders, including the commander of NATO. And I have seen statements by former CIA directors and others. That is the stuff of third world dictator stuff. In fact, it's just not done in history to shoot your mouth off about how you kill people and you're powerful and you're good at killing people. And I came, we saw, he died. Obama, Hillary, they've all said the same amateur stuff.

[Jordan]

It's weird to live in the future

[Alex Jones]

with your bare hands. You don't talk about it, you don't brag about it, you don't get into it because it's bad luck. It's stupid. And it's. It's. It's. It's really degrading to yourself and everybody else. So. Wow.

[Jordan]

Yeah. You know what? That's a really good point. Yep,

[Dan]

it's a real good point. And Alex is pretty lucky that we actually do believe some of the things that he said.

[Jordan]

I mean, it is funny to be living in the world that a guy Created because even though he hit the nail on the head, he just couldn't do it. Yeah, just couldn't do it.

[Dan]

It's also fun that Alex thinks that bragging about murder is degrading because it gives me the opportunity to play one of my favorite clips ever. Here's Alex from 20 20.

[Jordan]

There it is.

[Alex Jones]

And I don't want to ever see Wolf Blitzer hurt, because Wolf Blitzer is a human maggot. I mean, like, you really want to start a fight with us to. He just can't help it. Yeah, you do, don't you? You're begging for it. You're begging. You're begging to get your gut stomped out hard. And I don't know, Wolf, you ever had your gut stomped out, but you don't live after that happens. See? Not that I've ever stomped anybody's guts out. Actually, I have a couple times. It's not too nice. Takes people a long time to die if you stomp their guts.

[Dan]

So, yeah, that's pretty degrading.

[Jordan]

Yeah, well, there's something about it, but

[Dan]

it's not quite as degrading as one of the greatest moments of my life, which is when the plaintiff's lawyers in the Sandy Hook case played that clip for Alex and then asked him, under oath, if he'd ever killed anyone. Yeah, just.

[Jordan]

There are. There are some. There are some things that will exist without you. There are some things that will never exist, but that is something that exists because of you, Dan, probably. So every time all of you are worried about monsters in the dark, just remember Dan has a question for. And it's. Have you ever actually killed anybody?

[Dan]

Now?

[Jordan]

Cause I think you're full of shit now.

[Dan]

You're under oath, monster.

[Jordan]

No, I'm under your bed.

[Dan]

So Alex is talking. You know, you don't brag about killing people. And he's just off on this weird rant about how everyone's judging him and being too mean about his Hillary coverage. And so he has a little bit of a plan.

[Alex Jones]

One of their favorite ways to kill somebody is to have, obviously, a stunt driver slam into somebody and take them out. Or they kill you, put you in a car and then hit you with a truck.

[Jordan]

Naturally.

[Alex Jones]

I've actually been told by security analysts and folks we've had to do security checks and sweeps. We had to go to that level. Not that I'm even scared of them taking me out, but I'm not going to make it easy. And I want to document it, too. So we've got a lot of counter Surveillance. These people freak out. We actually send people to their house. You know, it's like, oh, you're coming to my house? Well then when you go to your house, let's legally reveal that we're going to drop by too. See, that's how that works.

[Dan]

Really? Sounds like Alex is admitting to being involved in elaborate and terrifying harassment campaigns.

[Jordan]

Sure feels like that.

[Dan]

He loves to say that he never sent anyone to anyone's house and that the lawsuits against him are so unfair. But that clip is literally him bragging about doing the same stuff he's accused of doing. Yeah, he can call it counter surveillance all he wants, but it doesn't change the fact of what he did. And this. Things like that clip are why Alex could never have allowed those Sandy Hook cases to go to trial on the merits. He forced the courts to default him because of shit like that being widely available. So that's a good thing to remember.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dan]

Because he probably could be found responsible and guilty for way worse than he was.

[Jordan]

It would be an insane world to live in where a jury was like, actually this guy got it.

[Dan]

He ended up with like a billion plus dollars. And I think he got off light.

[Jordan]

I agree. If a was allowed to actually deal with it directly, they would be like,

[Dan]

we're kicking this to the criminal court.

[Jordan]

Yeah. I mean it's. It's hard not to imagine a person problem being solved with a truck sent from a catapult.

[Dan]

You're thinking about the beginning of that clip of truck.

[Jordan]

I'm thinking about it, actually. I'm just excited to try and build a trebuchet.

[Dan]

So I'm going to skip this next clip because it's just Alex bragging about being involved in a soft coup that overthrew the government in 2011.

[Jordan]

Sure.

[Dan]

And meh.

[Jordan]

We've heard that wasn't as good as his actual coup that overthrew the government in 2024.

[Dan]

Right. The 2011 one was just him hanging out with Tea Party people.

[Jordan]

Yeah, exactly.

[Dan]

But we have to. We have to move forward to a delightful clip that I think I have some really deep thoughts about.

[Jordan]

Okay.

[Alex Jones]

Oh, just what I need Resistance to tyrants is obedience to God. It's Alex Jones for the soul. Matthew Merl Hagger. God bless you

[Jordan]

Always tell how far Joe fell and left his living a

[Alex Jones]

cheap hotel Cuz it's white we've told so the story end we're told I

[Jordan]

don't need your prayers is through. All right, all right. Sorry, I got into a zone there.

[Dan]

He only turned did what he had to do. I can't do the Merle Haggard.

[Alex Jones]

Ha.

[Jordan]

No.

[Dan]

I described it as country Muppet, and I stand by that.

[Jordan]

That's why he lives forever.

[Dan]

Yeah. So I was thinking about this as I was preparing this episode, and I think that clip embodies one of the reasons that this is a good last episode for us. And that is it contains what Alex has lost. He's lost the music.

[Jordan]

Music. Yeah.

[Dan]

Like in the present day, he doesn't.

[Jordan]

Don't feel melancholy. I felt like 15 of you go, I think off.

[Dan]

I think. I think some of the applause was for. They're thrilled he's lost the music.

[Jordan]

I'm sure there's plenty of that.

[Dan]

But like, that. That spirit is like freedom, you know, that's the, like. Yeah, I'm. I need Merle Haggar for my soul.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dan]

And that's just gone.

[Jordan]

Yeah. There's something about, like in. In. I think, and I think in a lot of these guys minds, there's this image of themselves where it, like driving a motorcycle with that helmet on, you know, like, I'm finally going to be cool. Like, that's their heaven. Like, finally I've learned how to drive a motorcycle.

[Dan]

And Alex is wearing a shirt that says, if you're reading this, my wife fell off.

[Jordan]

Exactly. Exactly. But it says the bitch fell off. But it has like at. And then an exclamation point and like a star. Yeah.

[Dan]

I'm saving my bitches for later. That'll make sense in a little bit. Hold on, hold on.

[Jordan]

I'm saving my bitches for later. Madam.

[Dan]

So Alex, he's really complaining a bunch about this editorial writer.

[Jordan]

Sure.

[Dan]

And he's. No one will come on my show. No one. None of my critics will talk to me every day.

[Alex Jones]

We're going to pick one of these people. People ask. It's a criticism. Why don't you have opposition on? Why don't you have. People with opposing views can't handle it. They will not. Come on. None of them. Because they all just get talking points and regurgitate it over and over and over again. And you read the article, wrote, it's all whatever the PR boss of Hillary wrote weeks ago that she put out in that old conservative speech. I mean, it's written like a seventh grader was, you know, talking about some evil monster it saw under the bed or something. Okay. And so he comes back with, ha. That's all these narcissists have. Ha, ha. A serious discussion. That's a good one, huh?

[Dan]

I should. I should clarify. Alex is Reading an email exchange between himself and the columnist he has invited him on the show.

[Jordan]

Response is ha, ha, ha ha. Yeah, okay.

[Alex Jones]

What a dumbass. I do have some thoughts on how the Obama administration used fluoride in my toothpaste to turn me into a mindless live zombie. Well, I mean, Harvard has come out saying it causes a massive vacuum reduction. And the White House science. I wrote a book admitting they put it in the water to lower your out IQ called Eco Science. It's free online.

[Dan]

Read it.

[Alex Jones]

He goes, but I'm saving that for more credible outlook. He's all part of. Incredible. My answer to your question is no, absolutely not. Not ever. Not in my career. Depending on it. I'm gonna come back and finish up with this day with us. But this is the essence of cowardice.

[Dan]

So cowardly. This feels really sad. It looks like Alex puffing his chest out and being a big, strong boy. But anyone who's worked in any kind of media before would ignore an email like that. That reporter is making fun of Alex's invitation and Alex seems like he's getting pretty pissed off about it, which comes off as very weak.

[Jordan]

It sounds like something that North Korea would create about satire. Ooh, they would nail it. They would really hit this one on the head.

[Dan]

Illegal. So we've mentioned on the show before that Daria, Alex's assistant, emailed us to say that Alex would come on our show if we wanted him to. But I want to make one thing clear, that invitation never went the other direction.

[Jordan]

He would you? Actually, no. This is a story that I'm finally willing to tell.

[Dan]

Oh, shit.

[Jordan]

No, no, he's up. No, this is real. I said to Dan, Daria emailed us. I would like to reply back, fuck you, die. And Dan said, that would not be perfect. Professional. To which I agree. But also, Daria, fuck you, die.

[Dan]

I really think that she would know that that would be our feeling. Even without the response.

[Jordan]

I think a lot of people would. I think. Let me say this to you about the world. I think a lot of people know how I feel about a lot of shit, but I still like telling you to fuck off.

[Dan]

That's fair. Yeah.

[Jordan]

So. So there's that.

[Dan]

Yeah. I don't know if we ever would have gone on if there was an invitation, but I just want to be clear. It never. Like he's saying none of his critics would come on. There's a chance we might have. I mean, we would have been like. You would have just.

[Jordan]

It would have been a different time.

[Dan]

Yeah. But we also didn't exist in 2016, so he can't be mad at him for not inviting us.

[Jordan]

Yep. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.

[Dan]

So Alex is also mad at Rachel. Maddow calls her Chris Hayes and it's a bunch of dumb bullshit because she made a joke on her show about how Alex is selling selenium as a cure for Zika. Sure. It's exhausting.

[Jordan]

Zika.

[Dan]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

Oh, man, those were the days. Yeah, those are the days. Those big headed children we were. Oh, we haven't moved on.

[Dan]

I'll leave. Leave that there. So we now get to the part of the show where it becomes clear why I wanted to do this show in Atlanta.

[Alex Jones]

And I hope you enjoy continuing, quote, ludicrous Boom. Hillary, get out the way. Get out the way. Hillary, get out the way. I'm not into vulgarity. I. I really want to do a music video with ludicrous and move out the way because it really does detail it all. I mean, just get out the way. Get out the way. Go get in your stretcher, have another seizure, whatever it is you do with Uma, and just sail off across the pus filled ocean of green globules that you so love and just leave us alone. We don't want to be poor. We don't want to be stupid. We don't want to be controlled by you. We want fast cars, we want guns. We want private property. We want America. Get out the way. Get out the way.

[Jordan]

Wait, what was that last word?

[Alex Jones]

Bah.

[Dan]

It was just exasperation, I think.

[Jordan]

Move. I can see why I want to.

[Dan]

Guns.

[Jordan]

At no point in time did Ludacris go like, what does Alex think about while I'm writing this? I don't think.

[Dan]

Yeah. And I think Ludacris obviously probably too busy filming. Was crash in 2016. I don't know.

[Jordan]

Anyway, was crash in 2016. The great.

[Dan]

I'm sorry, did you say 2005? I gotta go.

[Jordan]

Somebody. We have got. We have got time is. Here's the thing about answers to this question. We have 2004, we have 2005. Doesn't matter. Both of those make me feel like I'm about to die. I'm on the edge of death. That's too long ago.

[Dan]

You're an old tree. So, Alex. Alex likes Ludacris.

[Jordan]

Who doesn't? Yeah.

[Dan]

Welcome to Atlanta, where the play is played. That's Jermaine Dupri in the. In the chorus of welcome to Atlanta. Here's my feeling about welcome to Atlanta.

[Jordan]

Yeah. What is your. This is the Question that everybody's here for. What is your feeling about welcome to Atlanta?

[Dan]

The All Cities remix is better, but worse. Ludacris version, the welcome to Atlanta version is very strong, but the All Cities remix has Murphy Lee and the St. Lunatics, and it includes one of my favorite lyrics of all time. I'm so St. Louis. You can ask my tattooist. Yeah, it was like in the Waterboy, and they said, you can do it.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dan]

Back to Rob Schneider.

[Jordan]

Can't argue.

[Dan]

Yeah. So anyway, Ludacris welcomed us to Atlanta.

[Jordan]

Yes.

[Dan]

Told us about the big off the heezy at the big one Tweezy.

[Jordan]

True.

[Dan]

All the great strippers clubs. Again, that's Jermaine Dupri's lyrics. Do I only.

[Jordan]

You don't actually like Ludacris.

[Dan]

No. You.

[Jordan]

You like the Fast and the Furious films like the rest of us.

[Dan]

No, I like Luda. I, I, I, I enjoy him. He's got a good sense of humor. Anyway, Alex Lowe, are you dating him? He's thoughtful. He remembers anniversaries. So Alex is really thinking about this ludicrous song. He's loving Move. And so he.

[Jordan]

He's feeling it.

[Dan]

He pontificates.

[Alex Jones]

All right, I'll be honest. I. I don't listen to a lot of hip hop and rap, but when it's good, I mean, some of it is totally mindless, just like most rock and roller stuff. But I tell you, there's some good stuff out there. And it just came to me a few months ago. I hadn't heard it in over a decade. Okay. That particular ludicrous song, Move out the Way is the way to go. I mean, it's just everybody gets it. Move out the way. I mean, I'm going down the highway at least 100. You're doing 50. In fact, it hit me this morning. It hit me this morning. Winston Smith being tortured in The Allegory of 1984 by O' Brien at the Ministry of Love, where they torture you to death. Winston says, the ability to be free is to be able to say, two plus two equals four.

[Dan]

What?

[Alex Jones]

And o' Brien goes, you're absolutely damn right it is. By the time we screw your brain up and turn you into a mindless idiot, you won't be able to even have a coherent thought. But beyond that, people that drive in the fast lane, The ability to only drive in the fast lane when you're passing is civilization. If I drive by the people that'll be doing 55 and a 70 in the fast lane with three, four lanes of traffic, sure. I'm having to drive in the slow lane because they're in the fast lane. And I look at them and they always look completely blitzed out of their mind.

[Jordan]

No, I understand.

[Alex Jones]

Old white guy, Hispanic lady, black lady, I don't care what. And they're just. I mean, they have no idea what planet they're on. And I'm telling you, it's a good drivers are in the fast lane. They think, oh, there's an open lane over there. I'm just gonna go drive over into that. I wish the police, and I'm not into giving tickets. Thousand dollar fines. If you are in the fast lane and you're not passing, I want thousand dollar fine. In fact, I want you arrested because you are spiritually getting in the way. Get behind me, Satan.

[Dan]

Wow, that's something that started with ludicrous.

[Jordan]

Here's what I see. Here's what I see. What I see in my head right now is a situation where we're full on apocalypse nowing with ludicrous in the fucking. And Alex Jones just like, oh, man, you don't understand. Move, bitch. Get out the way. It's like a whole fucking universe that you're explaining. That's expanding my mind, bitch. Get out the way.

[Alex Jones]

Cuz.

[Jordan]

Getting out of the way is what all the stuff is, man. It's all in the way, man.

[Dan]

If you, if you. You should be arrested if you don't follow Ludacris rules.

[Jordan]

And then Luda is like, I am at a strip club. End of the song story.

[Dan]

Sir, you're under arrest. What did I do?

[Jordan]

No, man, it's all about getting out of the way. If you're a bitch, man.

[Dan]

No, I'm sorry, you did not check what her Fanta ta ta C was. You're doing five years for that. You did not lick from the head to the toe.

[Jordan]

You gotta accept the sentence.

[Dan]

So I thought Alex was a libertarian type, but he wants you to get arrested for, like, crimes against civilization. If you drive in the passing light, sure. As somebody who's recently got into driving as an adult, I get what Alex is saying,

[Jordan]

get out the way, bitch.

[Dan]

But I have a hard time relating to how angry he is about it. Yeah, sure, you're not supposed to drive slow in the passing lane and it can be dangerous, but there's already laws about that. I get what Alex is meaning to say. And I've said something similar recently. It's an idea about how traffic is a fascinating microcosm of life where everyone's working together to achieve the same goal, going where you're going. We aren't all going to the same place, but we're all driving on the roads because we're trying to get somewhere. And you getting to. To where you're going safely and efficiently makes it easier for me to get where I'm going safely and efficiently. Following the rules of the road is the best system to get people where they're going. So when someone doesn't follow the rules of the road, it feels like antisocial behavior. All of that's fine. And metaphorically, I get the point Alex is making about civilization and the fast lane. Where it falls apart though, is that it doesn't feel like Alex remembers he's making a medal.

[Jordan]

No, he's very directly and literally mad about this.

[Dan]

Just seems like he's mad about traffic.

[Jordan]

He's mad about traffic.

[Dan]

The other problem is that the metaphor doesn't really work well in broad applications. For example, the rules of the road are important because there were only like three lanes in a particular road. To make sure that everyone can use them effectively. You need. You can't block one of the roads and someone needs to pass a slow car. But like life doesn't work that way.

[Jordan]

Way.

[Dan]

There aren't three lanes. There are no rules of the road because we're not on the same road. I get what.

[Jordan]

That's accidentally the deepest thing you've ever said. There's no rules of the road cuz we're not all on the same road. That's some Dr. Drew.

[Dan]

Righto. Smith Klein paid me to say that. So I get basically what's going on here. And I love it. And it speaks to the Alex that I miss. Alex remembered the Ludacris song and he had a thought about how he could apply those lyrics to his own shit. It's a dumb thought, but he get like. He can't get over how deep it feels to him. So it becomes something of an obsession which ends up being fueled by people making memes of him yelling ludicrous lyrics. It's amazing. It's a great cycle. It's kind of fun.

[Jordan]

Yeah, it is. It is the circle of life in a way.

[Dan]

And that's really why meditating on this is really. It's so much more appropriate than Alex's last day on air, you know?

[Jordan]

Yeah, I don't know. This is. I don't want to say that this is like accidentally meaningful.

[Dan]

I didn't accidentally make this episode.

[Jordan]

I meant something that Alex said. But you know what, I take it back. You're Correct. Wait, what? This is unpurposefully meaningful.

[Dan]

What was Alex's accidentally meaningful thing?

[Jordan]

I just think bitches should get out of the way.

[Dan]

Whoa. So Alex has a feeling and that is that this ludicrous song is basically like the Bible.

[Jordan]

Yeah. And I think that's not unlike the Bible. The. The parable of the talents. You know, you give a guy 10 talents and then he gets 10 out the way. Right. You give a guy three talents, but he can't get 10 out the way. You only gave him three talents. So he needs to go to the strip club again. Suge Knight is there. I don't know why Jesus is a weird dude in my Bible, but whatever.

[Dan]

You know what I say to the guy with three tales talents?

[Jordan]

What?

[Alex Jones]

Roll out.

[Dan]

So anyway, ludicrous is like the Bible. Boom.

[Alex Jones]

That ludicrous song is almost a Bible study. I'm not kidding. It's like holy text. Maybe you could like play that song to Rachel Mana at Camp X Ray. And she would, after the 50,000 times she heard it, finally get it. We want you to move out the way. Move out the way. Move out the way.

[Dan]

You got it.

[Alex Jones]

Move out the way.

[Dan]

Wants people to move out of the way. Seems a little sacrilegious to say that the lyrics of Move Bitch are almost a Bible study.

[Jordan]

I appreciate the concept of like a Wizard of Oz where the wicked witch is like, nobody's ever said move bitch, get out the way and then melts.

[Dan]

Oh, it's my kryptonite.

[Jordan]

Someone yelling move Maddow has no chance.

[Dan]

So here are some of the lyrics that I think wouldn't be in the Bible.

[Jordan]

Yeah, let's hear it. Which ones?

[Dan]

I'm doing 100 on the highway. So you do the speed limit. Get up, get the fuck out of my way. Sure, I'm dui, Hardly ever caught sober and you're about to get run the fuck over.

[Jordan]

Sure. You see, this is somebody who has not read the proverbs. When King Solomon himself said that whenever driving funk a carriage of motherfuckers,

[Dan]

my horse is drunk.

[Jordan]

Drinking, drinking communion wine. I don't know. It's too late now.

[Dan]

So here's another lyric.

[Jordan]

Yeah, let's go.

[Dan]

Young and successful. A sex symbol now bitches want me to fuck em. True, true. Hold up. Wait up, shorty. Uh oh. What's up? Getting my dick sucked.

[Jordan]

You're a right. Ludicrous is one of the great poets of our age.

[Dan]

That was not ludicrous. That line doesn't feel very biblical. Particularly because it was delivered by featured artist and convicted rapist Mystical, who pled guilty to sexual battery and extortion charges about a year after this song came out, which is a decade before Alex is talking about it on air here. Anyway, it's like a Bible study.

[Alex Jones]

Wow.

[Jordan]

Wow.

[Dan]

Yeah, there's a of.

[Jordan]

Lot. Lot of up people in the Bible.

[Dan]

No, that's true.

[Jordan]

Thank you for confirming that.

[Dan]

You know what? When you. You know, when you get right down to it.

[Jordan]

When you get right down to it.

[Dan]

Mystical. Yeah, he. He's right there. He fits in.

[Jordan]

Do you know what's crazy about Mystical? He's a mystical after my own heart, if you will. I think that's. Yeah.

[Dan]

All right, so we go on a bit and like, Alex is just complaining and whining about Rachel Maddow. Complaining about him. Sure. And then complaining about all of these, like the editorial columnist who's complaining about him. And for some reason, he decides to keep reading that rejection email.

[Jordan]

I like that. Let's get personal.

[Dan]

It's so sad head.

[Alex Jones]

So he sends us this email back. We're very nice. We said we'd like to have you on. This is just an hour ago. He says, ha. Well, I got laughed at. I'm back in junior high. I'm gonna go cry to my mommy. The other kids at the playground laughed at me. Boom, boy. Huh? Oh, he. Oh, that's very unlikeful. Ha. A serious discussion. That's a good one.

[Dan]

So, yeah, he. He's reading this. This email from a guy who's like, I don't want to talk to you. And it just make. It bumps me out. It seems it's so obvious in hindsight how desperate he is for this guy to talk more about him.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dan]

And to me, I just was like, oh, God, Poor guy. Poor Alex. This looks just like a tantrum.

[Jordan]

Anyway, I'm not gonna lie to you. I think when I look back at his career and our. In our time together, a lot of what he done seems like a tantrum.

[Dan]

It's true.

[Jordan]

I would even go so far as to say most, if not all of his life is a tantrum of one form or another. Yeah.

[Dan]

We spent about nine years documenting a baby throwing a fit.

[Jordan]

So two things, two things about that. One, most babies don't have beards.

[Dan]

Two, Alex's beard is shit. I've seen babies with better beards like me.

[Jordan]

Can't beat that.

[Dan]

What was two?

[Jordan]

I don't need two. Okay.

[Dan]

So the rest of the show is kind of dull. And to be blunt with you, I lost interest so much whining, so much advertising masquerading as content, and so much desperate begging for the media to fight with him. A man can only take so much. The truth is that the episode peaked when Alex yelled ludicrous lyrics and we weren't going to be able to find greener pastures after that. We all remember Alex yelling move bitch. About Hillary Clinton and how it became a meme. But what's interesting to realize is that when he did this bit on this show on September 9, 2016, it had no impact. No one cared. But then on October 4, Julian Assange announced that he was going to be doing a live stream from Berlin. And Alex decided to do an all night stream to cover it because he thought it was going to be a big reveal of all of Hillary's crimes and emails. Maybe Roger put that idea in his head. Who knows? The stream was an epic disaster and we covered it on episode four, 135 of our podcast.

[Jordan]

Oh my God.

[Dan]

Alex just gets madder and more disappointed as the night goes on. Realizing that Assange was just doing a stream to celebrate the 10th anniversary of WikiLeaks on that stream. At about 4:30 in the morning, Alex was entirely out of gas and pulled the ludicrous bit out to kill a little time when Owen Schroyer was being really boring as a co host.

[Jordan]

Oh my God, he was so bad.

[Dan]

And that time it worked.

[Jordan]

People put get out the way people made a song for us.

[Dan]

Yeah, people put memes together of Alex singing ludicrous and possibly as a way of trying to pretend that they weren't all super disappointed by Alex being very wrong about Assange's stream. Infowars pushed it hard. It was the best meme and it really captured the spirit of the Trump movement in the days before the 2016 election. And I thought there was a small irony to the fact that Alex went viral doing doing the ludicrous thing a month after he did the same thing and no one cared. But there's a deeper irony here and a deeper story, and that is that I can pinpoint for you the exact moment when Alex decided that he was going to do this ludicrous bit. On August 25, 2016, about two weeks before Alex first discovered ludicrous biblical song and decided to yell some of the ludicrous. He had the proudest boy of them all, Rambo, Joe Biggs on his show.

[Jordan]

Can I just say before we hear this clip, you're the fucking devil. You're the fucking devil. I hope nobody follows me.

[Dan]

So Joe Biggs he was on the show, and they were talking about some of the new videos that he had put out. In the process of describing some of the media memes that Joe was ripping off, they had this conversation.

[Alex Jones]

I have been spending hours at night, during the day, almost getting nothing done now just trying to watch what you guys did because it's all so informative and so entertaining. Well, one of the craziest.

[Jordan]

My favorite video.

[Alex Jones]

It's not that long, but it's.

[Jordan]

The black lives could care less about black lives.

[Alex Jones]

We're going to get to that in a minute, but first, I want to just point out that you have won a Thug Life award. And for folks that don't know what these are, tell, tell the listeners.

[Dan]

So it's whenever you basically do something that's pretty awesome, and it's when you

[Alex Jones]

actually, you essentially just have to, like,

[Dan]

drop the mic and walk away because

[Alex Jones]

you just did something so epic. And then they started making these videos

[Jordan]

where it's like sideways hat drops on

[Alex Jones]

your forehead and big glasses with diamonds and, like, a joint and a machine

[Jordan]

gun in your hand, and they play,

[Dan]

like, some Dr. Dre song in the background.

[Alex Jones]

So it's ludicrous. Yeah, maybe.

[Dan]

I don't know.

[Alex Jones]

Point is, get out the way. In fact. Okay, here's the short clip, and then we'll play the actual clip first. Here it is.

[Dan]

If I go to Mexico right now illegally without citizenship and I don't have

[Alex Jones]

a passport, I will go to jail. Good. Okay.

[Jordan]

Okay. And then if you're illegal here, you

[Dan]

should go to jail or be deported.

[Jordan]

Okay.

[Dan]

I'm waiting for somebody to put me in jail now.

[Jordan]

Well, Donald Trump's gonna do it.

[Dan]

Stay tuned for more reports.

[Jordan]

Infowars.com I'm Joe Biggs.

[Alex Jones]

All right, now let's get serious and get back to the clips.

[Jordan]

Let's get serious.

[Dan]

Yeah. So it's pretty easy to see what happened here. Joe Biggs was getting a little bit of hip hop, street cred, and Alex wanted a piece of that for himself. He thought the cool song that kids were making memes to was ludicrous. So that song got stuck in his head, which led to him ranting about how the show is a Bible study. No one cared. But when his brain was almost turned off in the middle of the night, he pulled that bit out one more time, and that time it stuck, and it became a meme, and he made a lot of money off it. So the lesson here, Jordan, is never give up on your hacky bits. History is going to remember that. Alex had a ludicrous meme in the days before the 2016 election. But they are going to forget the false start he had on September 9th. They're going to forget the time that he stole the idea from one of his dipshit employees doing a meme about a different song. And then that guy exited. Overthrew the government.

[Jordan]

Yeah. First things first. The best advice I ever gave myself was, give up on your heck bits. So that was a good one. And second, you know, sometimes. Sometimes I think about our show and I look back on it and I think of us more of like a strange, like, butterfly effect time travel show. Like, if you go through any of our episodes and pick, like, a weird moment and just go like, what if I went back in time and just stopped that? And we're just like, no, you don't. You don't get to say, move, bitch, get out the way tonight. You know, and then what? What world would we live in? What different world would we live in if somebody just stopped Alex from saying, move, Mitch, get out of the way that night? Well, you know, there's so many demarcation points where the future turned to shit, and it's probably all your. Your fault for not fucking Alex Jones up. That's my point.

[Dan]

Well, you know, it's hard to argue, but I will.

[Jordan]

Fair enough.

[Dan]

I will say that I. I don't know if him doing move memes like that.

[Jordan]

Maybe there are.

[Alex Jones]

That wasn't.

[Jordan]

That wasn't. Yeah, maybe there are more consequential things. Yes.

[Dan]

This wasn't the inflection point.

[Jordan]

Are you gonna outlaw sarcasm? Oh, shit.

[Dan]

You got me again. So, yeah, that brings us to the end of these here clips. We've enjoyed Alex discovering Ludacris and finding out the truth of how it actually happened.

[Jordan]

Amazing.

[Dan]

What a ride. What fun.

[Jordan]

It is a ride. It is fun. You know, I think a lot of our shows. Here's the fun thing about our live shows, is that the two of us, us do not know when we're going to end. Nope, not at all. And every single live show we have done, we have both looked at each other. Once the clips have done, we've kind of kept talking. We've looked at each other and both of us have been like, is it time yet? Neither of us know. Neither of us know. And we've all. Because we're comedians, we're always searching for that, like, laugh to leave the show on. And what I want to do is set this up. Up to just fucking not make people laugh. Okay. Right. And to just, like, leave them hanging and, like, sad, miserable, wondering whether or not they're ever gonna hear us again. Whether or not. Like, if I like LCD Sound System last show, like, maybe next year we'll do, like, a reunion tour, and then years after that, we'll do another reunion tour until basically we're not done. We just do the show forever like LCD sound system does. Yeah.

[Dan]

I think that's an awesome idea.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Dan]

Leaving people in that kind of a mood.

[Alex Jones]

I think that rules. Thank you all.

[Dan]

That's been our show.

[Jordan]

Thank you so much, Sam.