Transcript
A (0:00)
Might not be money, but it's something. There is also taking care of children, which you don't quantify monetary terms, but somebody does that. What I'm simply saying is if you want to make money, not the problem in a relationship or marriage in this context, you must be careful to know that money is not the only denominator. There are other things that is brought in, and if you quantify them, they also amount to so much. So going back to myself, I believe that my husband recognized the fact that I may not have been working then, I may not have been gainfully employed then, but I was taking care of the home front. And so there was the equal balancing out of what each of us brought to the table. And he respected it so well and did so well in managing such that I wasn't left scrambling for the leftover or the breadcrumbs, which most people probably, if they are in control of money in a particular season and they do not value what the other partner brings in, which may not have just been in monetary terms, you now look down and you feel superior and the other person feels inferior. And then it destabilizes the equation of the marriage. And then you weaponize that this inequality in such a way that the person who is not bringing, as it were myself, then I would have been dehumanized and brought to a level where I would have felt inferior, felt like not needed. But I think that was not the case then. But in this generation, we've got to look at that. And the younger generations have to know that it's not only money, There are other things that also equal.
B (1:33)
But I guess the real question is that were you truly happy at the time when your husband was the only person providing financially?
A (1:43)
Was I truly happy? You want a candid answer?
B (1:46)
Yeah.
A (1:47)
You see, because of the value we've placed on money, no matter how the other partner tries to make you happy, you still feel that you could have been better off if you had. So as a human being, there were times I felt I should have had my own money. That answer your question?
B (2:01)
It answers it beautifully. The reason I ask this question is, which is going to lead on to the next one, actually, is that you were not made to stay at home, were you?
A (2:12)
You were not? No. Nobody goes to school to stay at home. You go to school to work based on that understanding then. Right? But let me interject. You see, knowledge has a way of opening your eyes to things that ordinary people will not give credential. Life is in seasons, okay? When people come into relationship There is the need to know that how you come in, where you are met may not be how it will play out in the next few years. So that's. There's a season you may be up there, there's a season you may be down. But the important thing is that you manage those seasons well. If you are the one up or you're the one down, manage them well. So I may not have been completely happy. Like I said, I still go. There wasn't a lot of counseling, There wasn't a lot of knowledge, There wasn't a lot of understanding. There wasn't a lot of exposure. So nobody sat us down to tell us, okay, in this season, you may not be able to do abcd, and so you need your money. Or you may hold back because that season will also change. And it brings me to the place of saying as a young person that entered into marriage not too long, I had a baby. And you realize that if I'm in pursuit of money, it will be at the expense of taking time to nurture the children they come. So in order for equality, I may push myself well ahead of time. And that's what most people do. They don't do it. They don't do it because that's what they want to do. But sometimes we don't know it all. We are not completely aware of the consequences of certain actions. So I am saying anybody who is listening to me now should borrow lessons from what I did not know starting off in marriage. And that if you come into marriage as a woman, that I was, and I am still okay. And there is a disparity maybe because you are not making ends meet, you are not making money. Slow down, improve on yourself, work hard on yourself and realize that the season will change and when that season changes, the money will come. But it's even best to have conversations as a couple to make for these excesses that could come out of ignorance. Because there's nothing as comforting as knowing that I'm not earning. But you're covering my nakedness completely. I repeat what I just said, that I'm not earning, but that we have robust conversations on areas that will make you recognize how I feel about how the expenditure profile or the management of the resources is being handled such that I don't harbor any kind of bitterness or resentment because I feel left out. And I think my husband to a great extent did a good job because I never felt so he covered, he provided, he did all that he needed to do and at the right time pushed me out. When the children were born.