Segment: Depression Saved My Life - How Loneliness Became My Greatest Teacher.

Summary

Konnected Minds Podcast
Host: Derrick Abaitey
Episode Segment: “Depression Saved My Life – How Loneliness Became My Greatest Teacher”
Date: January 27, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this deeply personal and reflective episode, the guest (named "A" in the transcript) shares their journey through depression and loneliness, shedding light on how these challenging experiences became powerful teachers and catalysts for profound transformation. The conversation explores mental health, the difference between loneliness and aloneness, the underestimated importance of luck, the necessity of discipline, breaking free from societal expectations, and the joy of choosing one’s own path. The dialogue is heartfelt, practical, and motivating, aimed at helping listeners embrace authenticity and resilience in the face of adversity.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Depression as a Turning Point ([00:00])

• The guest recounts how depression became the catalyst for redefining their life:
  • "There was no strategy. If I hadn't gotten depressed, I wouldn't have left that industry, PR. So literally...I am the happiest I've ever been in my life and the wealthiest I've ever been in my life...all of these things happened because I got depressed." [A, 00:00]

2. Loneliness vs. Aloneness ([00:20])

• A meaningful distinction is drawn between feeling lonely and being alone by choice:
  • "I differentiate between loneliness and aloneness. When you are at peace with yourself, it becomes aloneness, not loneliness...Once I became at peace with myself, it transformed the same. That's what joy does." [A, 00:36]
  • Embracing solitude becomes a source of joy rather than sadness.

3. Surviving Suicidal Moments ([01:32])

• The guest candidly discusses a near-suicidal episode and credits survival to a mix of luck and perhaps divine intervention:
  • "To end my life? Yeah. I don't know. There was nothing I could hold on to...Many of us call luck God...But the physical material word for what happened is just luck...maybe on a lesser level, I'm an only child. I didn't want to break my mother's heart." [A, 01:37]

4. The Role and Nature of Luck ([02:47], [02:58])

• The conversation unpacks how ‘luck’ works in life and why recognizing it is crucial:
  • "Luck doesn't mean you didn't work hard...return on luck is how do you work hard when you get lucky?...I wouldn't have gotten any return on luck if that experience didn't change my life...you have to be prepared for luck." [A, 02:58]
  • Referencing Jim Collins’ study on luck, they emphasize differentiating between what is due to fortune and what is due to strategy.

5. True Friendships ([02:24])

• The guest reflects on the value and security found in real friendships:
  • "I have true friends...if anything happened to me, I know my mother. I'll be fine. I have friends that even if we fought tomorrow, I know my secrets are safe." [A, 02:26]

6. Discipline vs. Motivation ([05:01])

• Practical advice is given on success and achievement:
  • "Discipline. More than that. Discipline without a doubt." [A, 05:01]

7. The Best Advice Ever Received ([05:09])

• The guest recounts wisdom from Obiageli Ezekwesili, former World Bank VP:
  • "Today is not tomorrow." [A, 05:09]
  • Explains: "It looks dark today. Or the actions you take today can change the outcome for tomorrow." [A, 05:11]

8. Advice for Young People ([05:42])

• A core life lesson is shared, especially relevant to African societal pressures:
  • "There is no one way to be a human being...our mind numbing desire to conform. We need rebels. We need weirdos. We need people who say no. We need mad people, people who reject the norm." [A, 05:42]
  • Argues for embracing diversity of paths and the courage to be different.

9. Examples of Choosing One’s Path ([07:19])

• The guest points to public figures and personal stories as examples of radical self-affirmation:
  • "Donald Trump...the first criminally convicted president. That's the point at which the shame becomes so much that you slink away and hide...But he chooses not to...it's Barack Obama being a first time senator and saying, I can run for president. The audacity of it." [A, 07:19]
  • Emphasizes that greatness often comes from daring to choose one’s own “beat.”

10. Societal Challenges and the Need for Courage ([08:23])

• Explains why risk-taking is harder in societies with less financial security:
  • "Abundance enables people to take more risks. We don't have that materially. So it affects our psyche...if you fall down, you may never get up. That's true. ...They're missing out on a level of joy that you can only experience when you affirm your own spirit." [A, 08:25]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Depression saved my life." [A, 00:00]
• "When you are at peace with yourself, aloneness becomes a joy, not a burden." [A, 00:36]
• "Luck doesn't mean that you didn't work hard...Return on luck is how do you work hard when you get lucky." [A, 02:58]
• "Today is not tomorrow." [A, 05:09] — The best advice received from Obiageli Ezekwesili.
• "There is no one way to be a human being...We need rebels. We need weirdos. We need mad people, people who thoughtfully reject the norm." [A, 05:42]
• "You affirm your own spirit." [A, 07:35]
• "Abundance enables people to take more risks." [A, 08:23]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:00] – Depression as a catalyst for life transformation
• [00:36] – Aloneness vs. loneliness, embracing solitude
• [01:37] – Surviving a suicide attempt: luck and meaning
• [02:26] – The meaning and experience of true friendship
• [02:58] – The science and philosophy of luck
• [05:01] – Discipline vs. motivation: which matters more?
• [05:09] – “Today is not tomorrow”: life-changing advice
• [05:42] – The importance of non-conformity and self-definition
• [07:19] – Public figures and personal courage
• [08:23] – Socioeconomic factors and the courage to be different

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Conclusion

This episode is a candid, insightful, and empowering exploration of depression, loneliness, and the power of making deliberate life choices. Through personal testimony and sharp analysis, the guest and Derrick Abaitey urge listeners to find joy in authenticity, harness the power of discipline, appreciate luck, and resist the pressure to conform. The discussion is rich with practical advice, memorable quotes, and lived wisdom — a must-listen for anyone seeking courage, clarity, or a renewed sense of self.

Transcript

[A]

There was no strategy. There was no. If I hadn't gotten depressed, I would have started my show. If I hadn't gotten depressed, I wouldn't have left that industry, pr. All of that. So literally. And now because of that, I am the happiest I've ever been in my life and the wealthiest I've ever been in my life and the most, you know, comfortable. So all of these things happened because I got depressed.

[B]

Do you remember when you were speaking to me right now? You said that when you were a kid, you felt lonely.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you've just written a book about how in 2017, you got depressed. Has the loneliness ever left you?

[A]

It has. It has. So I differentiate between loneliness and aloneness.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

When you at peace with yourself, it becomes a loneliness, not loneliness. So I choose, like my retreat. I choose to be alone. I choose to be by myself. And I enjoy the joy of being alone, the joy of missing out. Once I became at peace with myself, it transformed the same. That's what joy does. The same physical experience.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Can be either sad or happy. The same. The same experience. So for me, the same aloneness that used to make me lonely, I now look forward to it. Busy. I'm like, I'm. I'm looking forward to going back to Lagos, to going back to my house. You even have had fun here. I just like, I'm looking forward to being back at home, you know, so. Yes, that's the. That's why I said depression saved my life. I realized that the problem was that I was on. I was unhappy inside. It wasn't because I was alone. It wasn't because. And until I started that out, it would taint every experience that I had.

[B]

That moment when you were just about to cut it. What made you not do.

[A]

To end my life? Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. There was nothing that I could hold on to. I say that it's most likely two things. It's most likely. I think it's just luck. Many of us are just. Many of us. Many of us call luck God. Yeah. So it could be God as well. So if you call it God, which sometimes I do, you will not be mistaken, but the physical material word for what's happened is just luck. Because. And then maybe on a lesser level, I'm an only child. I didn't want to break my mother's heart. Maybe on a lesser level. But at that moment, when I remember that moment, I just pressed the throttle and kept moving. Nothing. There was no conscious process. There wasn't There wasn't a conscious process. There wasn't. There wasn't.

[B]

Judy, do you have true friends?

[A]

Oh, yes. Oh, yes. I have annoying friends. I have annoying, but I have true friends. Oh, I know. I have two friends. I have friends that if anything happened to me, I know my mother. I'll be fine. I have friends that even if we fought tomorrow, I know my secrets are safe. Awesome. You know? Yes. I've known that for a long time. I've been lucky when it comes to friends.

[B]

You know, when you're speaking, you speak, you use this word, these two particular words.

[A]

Okay. Luck. Yes. Luck.

[B]

I mean, let me just even forget about it. Next. Just luck. You use it a lot.

[A]

Yes. It's weird because this is the first interview that I'm using to loss, but it's because I truly believe in it. But people haven't asked me questions that have led me to talk a lot about luck. In African society, we call it grace. Yeah. But we don't, because, you know, so there's a. There's been a scientific study of luck. Jim Collins has taken a lot of top companies in The S&P 500 and defined what lock means, an event that was completely out of their control that no strategy could have made happen. He defined this with three criteria and defined how. How it manifests in the life of companies. And we often. And luck doesn't mean that you didn't work hard. It means that luck means return on luck is how do you work hard when you get lucky? So I got lucky in driving off instead of killing myself. But that luck would have been. I wouldn't have gotten any return on luck if that experience didn't change my life, if I didn't take the learnings from that experience. So I got lucky. I acknowledged that. Now what do I do with my luck? Most of us, and I know that I won't always get lucky. The nature of life is that you will get lucky sometimes, but you can't plan based on luck. You have to be prepared for luck. So with many of us one, we don't know how to differentiate luck from the results of strategy. So we mistake. That's why many people cannot sustain their progress. They don't know this was luck. So I cannot expect it again. This wasn't luck. So I have to create strategy to maintain it. So I am acutely aware of what is luck and what is outcome in my life. And once it is luck, I take advantage. I do not let luck go without a return. And it I immediately go into Action today.

[B]

Regardless of how this conversation goes, you have changed this platform.

[A]

Thank you. I'm glad to hear that.

[B]

I really appreciate you. Is there anything that we can still speak about that we haven't?

[A]

I think we've covered everything. We've covered principles. And I always say that principles are more important than anecdotes.

[B]

Now, I have a few other questions. Motivation or discipline in the pursuit of becoming?

[A]

Oh, discipline. More than that. Discipline without it out.

[B]

My next one is the best advice you have ever received. Give it to us too.

[A]

Today is not tomorrow.

[B]

You're going to have to explain this.

[A]

It was given by Obiageli, former World Bank Vice president, the former Minister of education. In 2016, when myself and Adebola were going through a financial crisis. She sent us an email. I still have it. Today is not tomorrow. It looks dark today. Or the actions you take today can change the outcome for tomorrow.

[B]

I want to throw this one in there. You know, what have you learned that you just one sentence that young people can use to change their lives too.

[A]

There's so much, but I'm trying to look for one. This is my favorite one, but I'm trying to see whether it will land. There is no one way to be a human being. Especially in Africa, we index hard on conformity. This is the way you must do it. You must. There's no time. You must have children at this age. You must have a business at this age. You must do this, you must do that. That is part of the reason why our continent is the way it is our mind numbing desire to conform. We need rebels. We need weirdos. We need people who say no. We need mad people, people who reject the the norm. People who thoughtfully reject the norm. But there is no one way to be a human being. There's no one way. The fact that you saw everybody going up in your area doing that means nothing. You know, somebody created a path. Somebody started a podcast, somebody tinted their hair. Somebody. You know, somebody lost the election and came back and contested again after losing the human. The beauty of being a human being is our constant ability to choose the path we want to take.

[B]

This is beautiful. Yeah, I was just hoping you don't say that somebody came back to contest.

[A]

For elections at 87, but somebody hasn't did that. I'm telling you, I learned a lot from Donald Trump. I don't have to agree with his politics. You know, if you look at Donald Trump shun of the politics, you learn about a person who has realized himself, who is so mad that they Dance only to their own beats. To the beat in their head.

[B]

Yes, yes, yes.

[A]

Donald Trump came back to the presidency despite the fact that his wife and his daughter don't want this. So they've not followed him back into the White House. Donald Trump, nobody had ever done what he has done. The first criminally convicted president. That's the point at which the shame becomes so much that you slink away and hide.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But he chooses not to. And it's not just him. It's Barack Obama being first time senator and saying, I can run for president. The audacity of it. So the just on a personal level, the auntie in your family that left an abusive marriage even when everybody was telling her to stay. So that's what it means to be a human being, is to choose how you will exist in this world. And there is a joy that comes from saying yes to your own choice. Not what you think you should do for every other person you know, to affirm your own spirit.

[B]

If that's what really not if I know that's what really makes people become.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Simply by choosing their path. It's damn what everybody would say.

[A]

Damn what everybody would say.

[B]

But it's a big problem in Africa.

[A]

Huge, huge. Because of fear. It's because of poverty has led to fear. So fear what I mean, abundance enables people take more risks. So if you know that you are. If you know that you can declare bankruptcy and then you can still get, you know, whatever it is, you are allowed to take more risk. We don't have that materially. So it affects our psyche. So it takes more effort to take risks in these spaces. Because if you fall down, you may never get up. That's true. Yes. So I empathize with people like that, with people who have to do that. But they are missing out on a level of joy that you can only experience when you affirm your own spirit. They're missing out on it.

[B]

I mean, look, while you were speaking, I was just thinking, can you imagine a life where can't do what you want to do? Exactly. Since you were a child.

[A]

Connected Minds Podcast.