Segment: 'Don't Make Your Life's Clock Somebody's Clock' - Societal Pressure Is Ruining Your Future

Summary

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Podcast Summary: "Don't Make Your Life's Clock Somebody's Clock" – Societal Pressure Is Ruining Your Future

Konnected Minds Podcast
Host: Derrick Abaitey
Date: February 25, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode tackles the pervasive influence of societal pressure, especially around timelines for major life milestones and outward displays of success. The segment, “Don’t Make Your Life’s Clock Somebody’s Clock,” focuses on the psychological and practical consequences of comparing yourself to others, the importance of self-respect, and setting personal standards. Through candid stories and vivid analogies, the speakers dig into why it’s essential to live at your own pace for a truly fulfilling life.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Harm of Societal Timelines

• Societal Pressure and Major Life Decisions
  The discussion opens with how external expectations—like getting married or having children by a certain age—can be damaging if you’re not personally ready.

  • Quote:
    “At 28, you are not ready to get married… and you are going to go into a relationship, settle down, have another human being to take care of. You are not ready.”
    (A, 00:35)

• Downside of Comparisons
  Comparing your journey to others, especially when seeing peers’ progress in career, family, or finances, can breed depression and anxiety.

  • Quote:
    “You will see your friend Derek, who was your classmate, doing his podcast… able to buy a house, and you are wondering what's happening to me. It will send you into depression.”
    (A, 01:07)

• Breaking the Cycle for Future Generations
  The need to share honest stories so younger people don’t feel pressured to follow outdated milestones.

  • “The children of today should not go through what we went through, the pressures we had when we were growing up, that at this age you must marry, at this age, have a child.”
    (A, 01:35)

Illusions of Social Media and Materialism

• Material Comparison & Social Media Falsehoods
  People buy into “pressure” after seeing curated pictures online, unaware of the real circumstances.

  • Quote:
    “You see me wearing [an expensive dress], don't go and look for money to go and buy because Nanaba wore it. Whatever you have, make do with it.”
    (A, 02:38)

• Authenticity Over Imitation
  Success isn’t an overnight journey, and trying to mimic others’ outside appearances (designer clothes or cars) can derail your progress.

The Dangers of Letting Others Define You

• Avoiding the Trap of the “Box”
  The guest, Nanaba, shares her principle of never letting anyone put her in a box or limit her narrative.

  • Quote:
    “Nanahaba would not let anybody put her in a box.”
    (B, 03:16)
    “Never.” (A, 03:24)

• Self-Respect and Boundaries
  Story about refusing to wait for hours at meetings, even when in need—underscoring that respect is reciprocal.

  • Quote:
    “The fact that I need you doesn't mean that you can disrespect me… by 2:45 I am there because I respect you. And that's where respect starts from.”
    (A, 04:26–04:41)

The Value of Character and Standards

• Punctuality and Professional Standards
  Real-life example: canceling interviews for job candidates who arrived late, regardless of their qualifications.

  • “Two of the people who had the best CVs showed up late. I didn’t do the interview… I can guarantee you that even interview they didn't take seriously. So they won't take your work seriously.”
    (A, 05:13–05:36)

• Dignity in Your Labor
  Advice to take pride in your work, regardless of pay, and not to disrespect your employer or peers.

  • “Even if they're paying you peanuts. You decided to take the peanuts. So work for the peanuts, do what you have to do for the peanuts, but don't go and disrespect…”
    (A, 06:05)

• Character as the Currency for Growth
  With no “manna from heaven,” only hard work and integrity will get you ahead.

  • “If your character doesn't count for anything, don't expect growth. Because the days when God was pouring manna… now you have to work for it.”
    (A, 06:30)

Sacrifice, Parenting, and Choosing Your Priorities

• Prioritizing Long-Term Goals Over Immediate Gratification
  Moving away from unnecessary luxury in favor of investing in a child’s education, even at personal cost.

  • “My friends were buying new cars every year. I didn't. Unless by miracle… I was paying very expensive school fees.”
    (A, 07:16)

• Making Sacrifices for Family
  Story about creating a pact with her son to focus on academics rather than material wants, emphasizing parental sacrifice.

  • “Whatever you need, I will provide. Focus on the books… Make sure you're acing your grades. Get your grades and whatever you want, I will.”
    (A, 09:10)

• Staying in Your Lane
  Direct advice to not aspire for luxuries you cannot afford just to keep up appearances.

  • “If you have a child and you want to give your best… and you are not wealthy like other wealthy people, don't be dreaming of buying a designer bag that costs £4,000…”
    (A, 09:43)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Don't make your life's clock somebody's clock." (A, 02:01)
• "Some of it, people allow the pressure to get to them. Some of them, they just buy the pressure because they've seen someone on social media looking very good…" (A, 02:18)
• "When you lack [self-respect], then you're not heading anywhere. Really think about it." (A, 05:46)
• "Your character must count for something. If your character doesn't count for anything, don't expect growth." (A, 06:23)
• "You need to work for the manna. You need to be responsible… if this lifestyle is not good for you now, don't do it." (A, 06:40)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00–02:15 – Societal timelines: The pressure to marry, have children, and material benchmarks.
• 02:16–03:10 – The dangers of social media comparison and chasing image.
• 03:11–04:26 – Panel’s philosophy: Refusing to be boxed in and choosing self-respect over conformity.
• 04:27–05:45 – The importance of punctuality, setting standards, and reciprocal respect.
• 05:46–07:16 – Character and integrity as drivers of growth; advice on professional attitude regardless of pay.
• 07:17–08:47 – Sacrifices in parenting; prioritizing education over material possessions.
• 08:48–End – Customizing your sacrifices and living within your means; pact with her son and life choices.

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Summary Conclusion

This episode delivers a passionate, practical roadmap for navigating societal pressures. The speakers urge listeners to chart their own course, prioritize character and self-respect, and make decisions based on deeply personal values—not on external clocks or curated social feeds. It’s a call to authenticity, resilience, and mindful ambition, resonating especially with anyone feeling trapped by comparison.

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Transcript

[A]

Go and have a child today and you are not ready to have a child. Find a way, but don't think that you are entitled to anybody's money. So the pressure, really, sometimes it's not so much there, but it's the actions we take, the decisions we take, if we allow the pressure to get to us. And at 28, you are not ready to get married. At 28, as a man, you, you don't have your life figured out and you are going to go into a relationship, settle down, have another human being to take care of. You are not ready. Look, Derek, for the rest of your life, you'll be depressed every day because you will see your friend Derek, who was your classmate, doing his podcast, practicing his pharmacy, able to buy his car, able to buy a house, and you are wondering what's happening to me. It will send you into depression. And so we must be able to share our, our experiences and our stories for people to know that the pressure we felt 25 years ago should not be felt today. The children of today should not go through what we went through, the pressures we had when we were growing up, that at this age you must marry, at this age, have a child. At this age you must have your car. Who says that to anybody? Do you know, do you know what they're doing with their money? Do you know what other responsibilities they have? But don't make your life's clock somebody's clock because, I mean, I don't wear rose watches for a reason. But don't put anybody in a, in a certain hole and think that because I did this at this age, you should be doing that. It's not fair, you know, it's not fair to anybody. So the pressure is there. Some of it, people allow the pressure to get to them. Some of them, they just buy the pressure because they've seen Sehwa Ami here on social media looking very good wearing this dress, and they think, sewa Tariwe, no matter what. But a lot of the time, Sewa didn't buy the dress. Do you get it? I mean, I don't buy, I don't buy clothes. If I buy a dress, then there must be something very spectacular about the dress. Or I've seen a young lady starting a brand and I want to support, support, so I will buy. But ordinarily I have designers in Ghana who say, nanaba, wear this Dr. For me, Nanaba weather, including this. Somebody made it and said, oh, Nanaba, I want you to wear it one of these days, you know, so you post it and Tag me. But I haven't bought this dress. So when you see me wearing it, don't go and look for money to go and buy because Nanaba wore it. Whatever you have, make do with it. And just know that in five years, in two years, I'll be at that level too, based on the decisions and the actions I take today. So don't go and buy pressure for yourself and don't allow the existing pressure to get to you, because as they say in Cree, That's not what they say. Changed it. What do they say? You changed it.

[B]

You know, there's an aspect of you which is what I figured out in this conversation. Nanahaba would not let anybody put her in a box.

[A]

Never.

[B]

And by allowing yourself to be put in a box, you are limiting your potential.

[A]

Absolutely. You're not just limiting your potential, you are allowing people to control you, to control your narrative. You can't control anybody's narrative. It's, it's. It. I don't know how that can ever happen to me. It can't. It's not possible. For instance, if I walk into a place and you invited me and I even need a favor from you, and I've gone into meetings where I really needed a favor from the people, I show up. The meeting is at 9, 9:15. The maximum I will wait is 45 minutes, 30 to 45 minutes, 9:30, you are not there. I need a favor from you, but I'm out. I will leave. I will not sit for hours because you think I'm at your beck and call. I will go away because I find that disrespectful. Very disrespectful. Do you understand?

[B]

Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do.

[A]

The fact that I. I need you doesn't mean that you can disrespect me. You can disrespect me. I won't. I won't do that. I won't. Because I respect people. When you say three o', clock, by 2:45, I am there because I respect you. And that's where respect starts from. From being on time. People don't get. When you are consistently late, you are just very disrespectful to other people, especially when it's important. I mean, if it's friends just going to sit down and have drinks and people show up late, I mean, it was not an emergency. But if it's important, meetings, for instance, I had to conduct interviews for somebody's agency and two of the people who had the best CVs showed up late. I Didn't. I didn't do the interview. I didn't do the interview. You know, the interview was for 8. If you had come in like 8, 45, cry, I would understand. But you show up at 10am Me sit down, interview at 10am I won't do it. I won't do it. I told my friend, if you really need these people, go and interview them yourselves. It won't be me. But if you hire these people, I can guarantee you that even interview they didn't take seriously. So they won't take your work seriously. So we must not allow people to direct our narratives for us. But we must also be very. We must have self respect.

[B]

Love it.

[A]

Yeah, you must have self respect and no, because when you lack that, then you're not heading anywhere. You're not you. No, really think about it.

[B]

You have standards as well, right?

[A]

Precisely. I say, I'm going to move this cup here because aesthetically is bad here. And the show starts. Derek says, this cup must be moved and nobody moves the cup. And they had you so many times saying that the cup must move and then you come in and you move the cup yourself. But you're paying somebody to do it. And what they say, because you must love what you're doing. You must love wherever you're working, even if they're paying you peanuts. You decided to take the peanuts. So work for the peanuts, do what you have to do for the peanuts, but don't go and disrespect the owner of the business. Don't go and disrespect your colleagues just because you think you're being paid peanuts. And that's what happens a lot in this country. And people ask themselves. Because people watch, you know, people. Of course, there are instances where people are just sidestep because of personal other reasons. But people watch characters. Your character must count for something. If your character doesn't count for anything, don't expect growth. Because the days when God was pouring mana. Now you have to work for. Yeah, you have to work for the manna. You need to work for it. You need to work for it. You need to be responsible if this lifestyle is not good for you. Now don't do it. Listen, when I was bringing my child up, I wanted my child to attend the best of schools. And I knew cost an arm and a leg. There are certain things I did not do. I saw my friends do it. My friends were buying new cars every year. I didn't. Unless by miracle somebody decides that, oh, but it never came from my pocket. Because I was paying school fees, very expensive school fees. My son attended an international school. He started from outside academy. Then I just thought, I don't like that system again, I want my son to do the Cambridge. So I moved him into an international school, which cost a lot of money every term. But that is the decision I had made. And I paid for it. I made sure I had money to pay for it. I decided my son was going to go do O level, do A level, whatever it takes. My son is going to go through that. I made sure my son did that. My son would go to university in the United States. He wanted it, I wanted it. I said, I will do it. And it cost me thousands of dollars every year in tuition alone. Intuition alone.

[B]

Accommodation, food, clothes.

[A]

Precisely. And I had a deal with my son because my son is a very enterprising guy and I know he likes money. So at some point he would say, oh, I think there's an opportunity. I want to see if I can do this on campus and get my ass. No, whatever you need, I will provide. Focus on the books. You are not going to work because you want to work because. What do you want to buy? Oh, sometimes I see some sneakers and I said, I'll buy the sneakers for you, okay? Oh, I saw this shirt on this website. I'll buy it for you. Make sure you're acing your grades. Get your grades and whatever you want. I will. So we had a pact, right? But I knew what I was doing and so I had to sacrifice. I was not buying things for myself. I was not doing certain things for myself. Do you understand? It's a sacrifice I made. So if you have a child and you want to give your best, your child the best of education, and you are not wealthy like other wealthy people, don't be dreaming of buying a designer bag that costs £4,000 and then be sitting there, hey, May buy school fees. Derek Connected Minds podcast.