Segment: If It's Not Adding to Your Goals, Cut It Out - Friends, Girls, Distractions Included

Summary

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Konnected Minds Podcast: "If It's Not Adding to Your Goals, Cut It Out – Friends, Girls, Distractions Included"

Host: Derrick Abaitey
Guests: Charlie & Unidentified Guest
Date: February 2, 2026

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Episode Overview

This candid episode of Konnected Minds Podcast dives deep into the importance of focus and intentionality for young people pursuing success. Host Derrick Abaitey and his guests discuss the pressures of modern society, distractions faced by youth (particularly in Africa), and why it’s vital to cut out influences—be they friends, relationships, or temptations—that don’t contribute to your personal goals. The conversation blends personal stories with tough love advice, challenging listeners to re-examine their priorities if they’re truly committed to growth and happiness.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Personal Motivation and Staying True to Yourself

• Derrick’s boarding school story: He shares being unfazed by others' privileges and focusing on his own aspirations, emphasizing self-motivation and personal values.

  “I saw people's parents bring their car into the boarding house and serve them food...It was never my problem. I was just doing my thing.”
  — Derrick [00:07]

• Mentorship and authentic ambitions: Derrick credits mentors and pursuing happiness, support, and self-sufficiency—rather than external validation or ostentatious goals.

  “I just want to live my life happily and be able to buy the things I need, want and support enough people. That's it.”
  — Derrick [00:39]

2. Societal Pressure and Algorithmic Extremes

• Social media rewards the extreme: Charlie notes that online platforms elevate materialism and flamboyant lifestyles, shaping youth expectations.

  “If you are not extreme, you don't cut through the noise...people want to see this lofty high thing.”
  — Charlie [02:23]

• Dealing with external perception: Derrick shares discomfort with compliments and fame, arguing that what appears aspirational to others can be meaningless for the individual living it.

  “When I step out and people recognize me and try to say, I start sweating.”
  — Derrick [03:44]

3. Materialism, Possessions, and the Pursuit of Happiness

• The hollowness of possessions: Derrick and his guests argue that real happiness isn’t found in material goods; instead, excessive focus on material things often stems from inner emptiness.

  “True happiness is not in possessions, it's inside. Right. And sometimes there are people because they are not very happy, they have to get a lot of things externally and keep going.”
  — Derrick [04:20]

• Diminishing returns of material gain: The dopamine hit from buying something new fades quickly as needs are met.

  “You get a sense of joy...[but] to a point where you can buy almost everything your heart desires, so that feeling is no longer there.”
  — Derrick [06:23]

4. Distractions—Especially Relationships—and Their Impact

• Young men and relationship pressures: The guest shares personal experience on how focusing on relationships too early can derail financial and personal ambitions.

  “You want to have peace, especially with your money...but the bills from these people, especially the girls and your mom stuff too, they come unplanned.”
  — Unidentified Guest [07:52]

• Fear and competition among young men: Peer pressure often makes young men overspend to impress or avoid losing relationships.

  “They are struggling themselves, but then because they feel like somebody will take their girl away…the least amount they will get...they want to be in person.”
  — Unidentified Guest [08:41]

5. Broader Perspective: All Distractions Aren’t Created Equal

• Generalizing beyond relationships:

  “If the things that you are bringing into your life…are not adding to where you want to go, then they are not important. So whether it is friends, video games, pornography, all these other things…they are not things you should be focusing on.”
  — Charlie [09:27]

• Quality over quantity in relationships:

  “If my girlfriend actually adds to me, I wouldn't say I wouldn't date her. No…we build together. That is awesome.”
  — Charlie [10:21]

• Self-discipline and early realization:

  “Some young people, it doesn't click you that yo it is your life and that nobody's come to save you…But when it clicks you...lock in all these other temptations, all these other things that don't add to where you are trying to go, cast them out.”
  — Charlie [09:27]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Derrick [00:39]:
  “If that translates as Derek has bought a new car, he's built a new house, he started a new studio to you, that's your problem. But it's just part of the journey for me.”
• Charlie [03:00]:
  “Whatever I want in this life, it is mine to take. Like, I will go and get it. As long as I put in my hard work and I do my effort and I study and I keep working on myself, I'll get it.”
• Derrick [04:20]:
  “Young people are focusing too much on what they see. Look, I'm telling you the truth. There are people that have got these things that you so called admire. They're not happy...true happiness is not in possessions, it's inside.”
• Unidentified Guest [07:36]:
  “We all understand that definitely in the end you will have to settle with a girl...But then I think as a young guy, that shouldn't be something you shouldn't crush. Your mind shouldn't be any part of the focus.”
• Charlie [09:27]:
  “If the things that you are bringing into your life…are not adding to where you want to go, then they are not important.”

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Important Timestamps

• [00:00–01:50]: Derrick discusses his self-motivation, mentorship, and ignoring external pressures.
• [02:23–03:00]: Charlie explains the social media “algorithm” effect and youthful aspirations.
• [04:20–06:23]: The group explores happiness, materialism, and why chasing possessions can be emotionally hollow.
• [07:32–08:58]: Relationship pressures, distractions, and their impact on young men’s ambition.
• [09:27–10:51]: Charlie broadens the conversation to all forms of temptation and distraction; focus as the key to success.

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Closing Thoughts

The episode delivers a pointed message: Ambitious youth should ruthlessly audit their lives, eliminating anything—friends, distractions, relationships—that does not push them closer to their goals. The hosts advocate for self-awareness, intentionality, and building partnerships (romantic or otherwise) that uplift and contribute, not detract or distract. The tone is supportive but challenging, urging listeners to take responsibility for their futures and tune out the societal noise.

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Listen to the full episode on YouTube or your favorite podcast platform for deeper insight and more real-world stories.

Transcript

[Derek]

I went to here in Ghana boarding school when I was 8 years old. So I saw people's parents, came to visit them in cars. I. I always knew that I never had that opportunity. So it was never my problem. Do you understand? Like, it was never my problem. I saw people's parents, you know, bring their car into the boarding house and serve them food out. It was never my problem. I was just doing my thing.

[Charlie]

So, so, so, so I'm trying to get a sense of like. So you said you are self motivated, which means that when you like, what kind of things do you aspire to? Figure what I mean, like, yeah, if you're aspiring to something.

[Derek]

So I have mentors, right? I have mentors, okay. And my mentors guide me.

[Unidentified Guest]

Okay.

[Derek]

When I'm stuck with things that I want to do now, me personally, the things I want to become, I'm already living a lot of it. I don't have some really crazy thing that I want to be president. I want to be this, I want to be that. I don't have really crazy. I just want to live my life happily and be able to buy the things I need, want and support enough people. That's it. And if that translates as Derek has bought a new car, he's built a new house, he started a new studio to you, that's your problem. But it's just part of the journey for me.

[Charlie]

Right. Okay.

[Derek]

Do you understand how you translate? That is different.

[Charlie]

That makes sense, right?

[Unidentified Guest]

I think. But current society we have right now is hard.

[Derek]

Yeah. I mean, because I've seen people who have seen me and they're like, like auto pressure. And I, I don't really, I can't conceptualize that.

[Charlie]

You just need. It's like, okay, so let me see if I can, I can explain. I think it's like for you, you are trying to get to this point and everything you acquire along the. Those are tools, tools to get there.

[Derek]

It's not really. I mean, people have said, hey, Charlie, you know the house you live in? And I'm like, look, for me, it's not even the end goal. I'm just getting by.

[Unidentified Guest]

There is levels to this day.

[Derek]

Right. So maybe it's just, it's just. I don't know. I don't know. Somebody can help me in. I don't know. Like, even now, what I'm doing on this podcast is not to prove anything to anybody. It's just the way Derek is. That's just how I like my things. All the things you've seen today, purely because of how I like my things. I'm not trying to prove anything to anybody, but it will come out as that's what I'm trying to do. So to you, it's pressure.

[Unidentified Guest]

Exactly.

[Charlie]

Other people's insecurities.

[Unidentified Guest]

That is what I wanted to say. You might not. You might not be trolling me.

[Derek]

It's not my, my.

[Unidentified Guest]

Yeah, that's.

[Charlie]

And I think, like, like, as you were saying, a lot of the youth kind of. I think it's a little more extreme now than during your time. And that's what I think it was alluding to. Because, like, the algorithms reward these kind of extreme lifestyles. You know, like, if you are not extreme, you don't cut through the noise. And so to some extent, like, if I pull up in a Lambo or if I do this crazy thing with a Lambo, that video would perform well. The reason why I would perform well is not because the algorithm is pushing it, is because people want to watch these stuff. You know, people want to see this lofty high thing.

[Derek]

But how does it make you feel as a young person when you see somebody wearing like a $50,000 rich watch?

[Charlie]

Me, personally, I. I don't care because for me, I know, like, I have this crazy self belief in myself. Whatever I want in this life, it is mine to take. Like, I will go and get it. As long as I put in my hard work and I do my effort and I study and I keep working on myself, I'll get it. And so for me, when I see 50,000, I'm like, happy for you, bro. Enjoy. You know, like, I'm like, good for you, bro. That's. That's all I see. Good for you. I'm working on my stuff, so I think.

[Derek]

I think maybe mine has become so bad that I don't even like to hear. You've done so well. Oh, Derek, you know you're blowing up. It doesn't sound nice in my ears.

[Charlie]

Interesting, Interesting.

[Derek]

So. And yeah, I think I said this earlier in one of the episodes. You know, I think about a year and a half ago that I even struggle to take compliments like that. In fact, the honest truth, when I step out and people recognize me and try to say, I start sweating.

[Charlie]

Makes sense. It makes sense. It's just.

[Derek]

I don't know, maybe just that's just how. Yeah, the makeup. But is this something young people speak about a lot? When somebody buys a $250,000 Lambo, they'd.

[Unidentified Guest]

Be actually arguing about it aggressively. Yeah, people be talking about people's words like as if they are their personal managers. Like they hold their accounts.

[Derek]

So this is the problem. Young people are focusing too much on what they see. Look, I'm telling you the truth. There are people that have got these things that you so called admire. They're not happy, right. And when I say they're not happy, not because they got it through, you know, bad means, but you know, true happiness is not in possessions, it's inside. Right. And sometimes there are people because they are not very happy, they have to get a lot of things externally and keep going. I keep clubbing, doing so many things just to. There's no satisfaction. So they have to do that because they themselves, their quietness is a problem for them. So because they can't deal with themselves, they keep buying things and they keep stepping out and they keep trying to show people what they have.

[Charlie]

Yeah. And I don't think, I don't. Generally, I don't think like you see this and me, to some extent, I understand it, right? And I know that happiness is seen within. Intellectually, I know the happiness is inside. However, and this is the. I, I'll speak on behalf to some extent of these guys. There's this sentiment that if I'll cry, I rather cry in a Lambo than I'll cry walking around. Right. There's this sentiment that riches to some extent is good. It makes your life comfortable. It makes. And that is awesome. And I agree with you that happiness and possession don't go alike. But it's very hard to convince someone, especially at our age with the things that we're going through, that riches won't bring them happiness. It is very hard. Because I saw something recently, I think someone was saying that there are some lessons you have to go through it to understand. And like no matter what anybody would, we won't just understand. We feel like this person with a Lambo, the reason why they are smiling in the picture is because the Lambo made them smile. But we all know, but, but intellectually and you know that that's not what's happening.

[Unidentified Guest]

So the question is when you have been down to. For too long and then you. Somebody gives you like, let's say huge amounts, like 2000, 5000. That feeling they get there, you understand? That is why they try to tell.

[Charlie]

You if you tell me, if you multiply that.

[Derek]

So watch this.

[Charlie]

Exactly. Watch this.

[Derek]

I love what you just said. When you don't have money and somebody gifts you, you get a sense of joy.

[Charlie]

Yeah.

[Derek]

When you don't have money and you make even A little bit of money and you buy something you really needed. There's a feeling you get to a point where you can buy almost everything your heart desire, desires. So that feeling is no longer there.

[Charlie]

Right.

[Derek]

So it could be that every year you can buy the latest iPhone. The first time you got it, you got that feeling.

[Charlie]

You don't get that feeling again, the dopamine goes down. You don't get it again.

[Derek]

For the people which we're going to talk about, where they're trying to get girls, you can get any girl you want. You can even import girls into the country if you want at some point, that feeling of doing that. So people, that's why they say it's lonely at the top. Because people get to a certain place at the top where they miss not having and wanting to get. Because now they have everything. Yeah.

[Unidentified Guest]

And then human beings are insatiable. You always want more.

[Charlie]

So. Right.

[Derek]

And then what do they resort to drugs to get high. To get high and do all sort of things. Now let's talk about the pressures of girls on the lives of young people, boys especially.

[Unidentified Guest]

Serious. That is one something I, I wish I learned earlier.

[Charlie]

Okay.

[Unidentified Guest]

And it would have changed my life. And like, we all understand that definitely in the end you will have to settle with a girl. Like you have to have a family or something. But then I think as a young guy, that shouldn't be something you shouldn't crush. Your mind shouldn't be any part of the focus.

[Derek]

Because how has it affected, how did it affect you initially?

[Unidentified Guest]

It affected me in a way of when I was building. I'm still building my life. But then when I started building, sometimes you want to have peace, especially with your money, because you want to have peace with your money. Like I'm growing my money small. Like you are trying to discipline yourself. Like, oh, I want to see this money. But the bills from these people, especially the girls and your mom stuff too, they come unplanned. And then if, if you are into this thing and then you, you are not using your head, or let me say it that way, at the end of the day, your money goes there without you even knowing because you feel like, oh, you have to satisfy their needs. Oh, your girl is asking, if you don't give, somebody will take, I don't.

[Derek]

Know, but somebody will take one.

[Unidentified Guest]

That is what's happening.

[Charlie]

Because interesting, I've seen, I've been in.

[Unidentified Guest]

This, but I, I, I, I couldn't play that game. So I have to, I have to go, I had to go out of it. But then I've seen it happening to most of my friends. They are struggling themselves, but then because they feel like somebody will take their girl away or something, the least amount they will, they will get. Even if the girl is not asking, they want to be in person. Wow.

[Charlie]

It's.

[Unidentified Guest]

It's kind of take your focus away. So for me, at the early ages 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 25, I think you should focus on building a life first.

[Derek]

Isn't that a difficult thing to do.

[Charlie]

To keep yourself, to keep yourself? It's hard.

[Unidentified Guest]

It's hard for me. I'll say it's hard. But then priorities.

[Charlie]

So for me, like I, I would, I would even generalize it even more. Like there's girls and there's relationships and there's all that.

[Unidentified Guest]

But.

[Charlie]

But there's every other temptation, I think, the like for young, for young people, as you were saying, 16, 17, 18, 19, once you are conscious. Because some people, they don't get conscious early enough. You know, I think some young people, it doesn't click you that yo it is your life and that nobody's come to save you and that you have to actually work and that the school that you are going is just a system. But when you finish the school, life is there. So you, you. It doesn't click them. It doesn't click people early enough. But when it clicks you and it is time for you to lock in all these other temptations, all these other things that don't add to where you are trying to go, cast them out. Now, there's nuance to that. I wouldn't say don't date, don't have relationships. I wouldn't say that. That is, that is absolutely not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is if the things that you are bringing into your life, if they are not adding to where you want to go, then they are not important. So whether it is friends, whether it is video games, whether it is pornography, whether it is all these other things, if those things are not adding to where you want to go, then they shouldn't exist. Then they are not things you should be focusing on. So if, if I had a girlfriend and my girlfriend actually adds to me, I wouldn't say I wouldn't date her. No. If she, if she, she comes to me and she tells me or we have a conversation, she tells me, well, I like the stuff that I work in. Oh, and then she chips in. Maybe she does marketing too. So she chips and she adds to us and we build together. That is awesome. And that is where it makes sense.

[Derek]

Let me stop you here for a minute. So if it's your first time watching Connected Minds or you have been here before but still have not subscribed, do us a favor, because majority of the people that watch our videos have not subscribed. This doesn't help us grow beyond what we expect. So help us by hitting the subscribe button. Thank you. Now, let's get back to the conversation.

[Charlie]

If your girlfriend, if your friend, if all these other things are not adding on to where you want to go and they are taking, then what? Why? What are we doing, bro?

[Unidentified Guest]

That is nicely said. And that is how it's supposed to be. Connected Minds Podcast.