Konnected Minds Podcast: "If It's Not Adding to Your Goals, Cut It Out – Friends, Girls, Distractions Included"

Host: Derrick Abaitey
Guests: Charlie & Unidentified Guest
Date: February 2, 2026

Episode Overview

This candid episode of Konnected Minds Podcast dives deep into the importance of focus and intentionality for young people pursuing success. Host Derrick Abaitey and his guests discuss the pressures of modern society, distractions faced by youth (particularly in Africa), and why it’s vital to cut out influences—be they friends, relationships, or temptations—that don’t contribute to your personal goals. The conversation blends personal stories with tough love advice, challenging listeners to re-examine their priorities if they’re truly committed to growth and happiness.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Personal Motivation and Staying True to Yourself

• Derrick’s boarding school story: He shares being unfazed by others' privileges and focusing on his own aspirations, emphasizing self-motivation and personal values.

  “I saw people's parents bring their car into the boarding house and serve them food...It was never my problem. I was just doing my thing.”
  — Derrick [00:07]

• Mentorship and authentic ambitions: Derrick credits mentors and pursuing happiness, support, and self-sufficiency—rather than external validation or ostentatious goals.

  “I just want to live my life happily and be able to buy the things I need, want and support enough people. That's it.”
  — Derrick [00:39]

2. Societal Pressure and Algorithmic Extremes

• Social media rewards the extreme: Charlie notes that online platforms elevate materialism and flamboyant lifestyles, shaping youth expectations.

  “If you are not extreme, you don't cut through the noise...people want to see this lofty high thing.”
  — Charlie [02:23]

• Dealing with external perception: Derrick shares discomfort with compliments and fame, arguing that what appears aspirational to others can be meaningless for the individual living it.

  “When I step out and people recognize me and try to say, I start sweating.”
  — Derrick [03:44]

3. Materialism, Possessions, and the Pursuit of Happiness

• The hollowness of possessions: Derrick and his guests argue that real happiness isn’t found in material goods; instead, excessive focus on material things often stems from inner emptiness.

  “True happiness is not in possessions, it's inside. Right. And sometimes there are people because they are not very happy, they have to get a lot of things externally and keep going.”
  — Derrick [04:20]

• Diminishing returns of material gain: The dopamine hit from buying something new fades quickly as needs are met.

  “You get a sense of joy...[but] to a point where you can buy almost everything your heart desires, so that feeling is no longer there.”
  — Derrick [06:23]

4. Distractions—Especially Relationships—and Their Impact

• Young men and relationship pressures: The guest shares personal experience on how focusing on relationships too early can derail financial and personal ambitions.

  “You want to have peace, especially with your money...but the bills from these people, especially the girls and your mom stuff too, they come unplanned.”
  — Unidentified Guest [07:52]

• Fear and competition among young men: Peer pressure often makes young men overspend to impress or avoid losing relationships.

  “They are struggling themselves, but then because they feel like somebody will take their girl away…the least amount they will get...they want to be in person.”
  — Unidentified Guest [08:41]

5. Broader Perspective: All Distractions Aren’t Created Equal

• Generalizing beyond relationships:

  “If the things that you are bringing into your life…are not adding to where you want to go, then they are not important. So whether it is friends, video games, pornography, all these other things…they are not things you should be focusing on.”
  — Charlie [09:27]

• Quality over quantity in relationships:

  “If my girlfriend actually adds to me, I wouldn't say I wouldn't date her. No…we build together. That is awesome.”
  — Charlie [10:21]

• Self-discipline and early realization:

  “Some young people, it doesn't click you that yo it is your life and that nobody's come to save you…But when it clicks you...lock in all these other temptations, all these other things that don't add to where you are trying to go, cast them out.”
  — Charlie [09:27]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Derrick [00:39]:
  “If that translates as Derek has bought a new car, he's built a new house, he started a new studio to you, that's your problem. But it's just part of the journey for me.”
• Charlie [03:00]:
  “Whatever I want in this life, it is mine to take. Like, I will go and get it. As long as I put in my hard work and I do my effort and I study and I keep working on myself, I'll get it.”
• Derrick [04:20]:
  “Young people are focusing too much on what they see. Look, I'm telling you the truth. There are people that have got these things that you so called admire. They're not happy...true happiness is not in possessions, it's inside.”
• Unidentified Guest [07:36]:
  “We all understand that definitely in the end you will have to settle with a girl...But then I think as a young guy, that shouldn't be something you shouldn't crush. Your mind shouldn't be any part of the focus.”
• Charlie [09:27]:
  “If the things that you are bringing into your life…are not adding to where you want to go, then they are not important.”

Important Timestamps

• [00:00–01:50]: Derrick discusses his self-motivation, mentorship, and ignoring external pressures.
• [02:23–03:00]: Charlie explains the social media “algorithm” effect and youthful aspirations.
• [04:20–06:23]: The group explores happiness, materialism, and why chasing possessions can be emotionally hollow.
• [07:32–08:58]: Relationship pressures, distractions, and their impact on young men’s ambition.
• [09:27–10:51]: Charlie broadens the conversation to all forms of temptation and distraction; focus as the key to success.

Closing Thoughts

The episode delivers a pointed message: Ambitious youth should ruthlessly audit their lives, eliminating anything—friends, distractions, relationships—that does not push them closer to their goals. The hosts advocate for self-awareness, intentionality, and building partnerships (romantic or otherwise) that uplift and contribute, not detract or distract. The tone is supportive but challenging, urging listeners to take responsibility for their futures and tune out the societal noise.

Listen to the full episode on YouTube or your favorite podcast platform for deeper insight and more real-world stories.