← Konnected Minds Podcast with Derrick Abaitey
Konnected Minds Podcast with Derrick Abaitey
Segment:- Marriage Is Not a Handcuff: Why Mutual Respect & Financial Partnership Build Lasting Unions.
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Transcript20 lines
- [00:00]
A
Have a mental picture. Have a picture of your wife of a certain age. Fix it in your mind. Put it as a screen, as a screen guard. So that if I see a woman and I'm attracted, the image of my wife superimposes on that image. So you have that mental image. Then the next thing is to know that your marriage is beyond two of you. This is both males and females. Now you should see your marriage as purpose and responsibility. There are millions of people that follow me all over the world. I was surprised that I got to London City Airport. The policeman saw me say, you are Dr. Charles Apoke. I was in a restaurant in Switzerland. The young man there recognized me. So I owe myself a duty that this marriage should last long because people are looking up to us, right? And I must provide that model. So we need guardrails, guardrails of the word of God, guardrails of mentors. I have had good mentors. Guardrails of models that you look up. But you also must have a psychological reorientation to face reality that the wedding ring is more than handcuff. The one you are wearing there now. Aha. This one is more than handcuff. That you have chosen your prison mate for life. You chose. And that marriage is like drinking pepper soup. Do you have pepper soup in Ghana?
- [01:24]
B
Here, I mean, it's pepper soup.
- [01:26]
A
We can. There's a craft pepper soup. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's pepper soup in Nigeria. It's very hot. As you are drinking it, it will be hot. You will sneeze. Tears will come from your eyes. You will see bone if it is fish, pepper soup if it is hot, drink water if you sneeze, wipe your nose. There are days you will wonder, particularly in these first few, first five years of life, you will wonder why you married this person. You will wonder, particularly you as a man. You will wonder. And then you must realize that we are in this for life. And then, like as I said, you married her assets and liabilities. One of the problems I said earlier on is that of disagreement and argumentation. Men want to be very rational and logical. Women are very emotional. That's how they were created. And that's why she agreed to marry you. If women were to really analyze, I don't think my wife will have married me.
- [02:17]
In fact, they should be paying my wife for marrying me. They should be paying her, as you have, child support. They should be paying my wife husband support. Wife support. Because it's not easy marrying a crazy man like me. So you wonder why Gaddafi was married Osama bin Laden married these women. They expand to accommodate us. We too, we need to expand our minds to realize that if I could make this woman change her father's name to answer my father's name, I have won the greatest argument in life. And I don't need to win an argument with her. You understand me, sir? You change. You. You change. Your wife changed her father's name to take my father's name. To take your father's name. You have won the greatest argument. And so you don't need to win arguments with your wife. Some men don't understand that. They want to put it to her. I put it to you. I put it to you. No, don't. You don't tell. And then we must learn to respect them as persons. You had females in your class. Not so I had girls in my class and they were the most brilliant because they didn't do the things we were doing. They didn't go and do drinking and smoking and cult and all that. They passed more than us. And if this lady is a medical doctor, you should respect a woman as a person, as an entity. It is this mutual respect between the two individuals. The Bible says when we pastors quote, wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands. The preceding verse to that one, submit yourselves one to another. If dogs fall for each other, that's how the play of dog is sweet. You will see, the mother of the dog will fall and then the child will come on top. That is the way marriage is supposed to be. Don't think that because you are older than your wife by five years that she's a small girl. Never underestimate the power of a woman. Somebody that you always kneel down for. We worship our wives. If we want to go to Jerusalem, we kneel down. If you go from front, you will kneel down. You go from behind, you kneel down. That is an altar, a shrine. And you must learn to rest. Even kings kneel down. They worship their wives before they go to Jerusalem. If you pass behind, you will kneel down. You pass in front, you will kneel down. They deserve some respect and admiration. And if this mutual respect and admiration is not there and every person is claiming rights and privileges without responsibility. Responsibility comes before rights and privileges in marriage. What is happening with young girls today and young men is the claim for rights and privileges without responsibility and appreciation in your view? Yes.
- [04:58]
B
Marriages lasting longer in our time or less compared to yours?
- [05:02]
A
Your time.
- [05:03]
B
In our time, yes.
- [05:04]
A
My time is not the best time. My parents time, you understand? There was there Were the emphasis was on family and not the things we're emphasizing now. Orgasm was not part of our mother's thought process. We have introduced the word orgasm to young girls. And so size of cucumber, size of cassava. The songs we are saying singing today are appealing to the flesh rather than the soul of the people. And so the flesh is never satisfied. You can never satisfy a woman sexually because it's like drinking Coca Cola on a hot day with a toothpick. In fact, the more you drink, the thirstier you become. And so young people today, they are seeing sex as a hobby. They are seeing sex as entertainment. In fact, they are looking at it as sharing a bottle of Coke. And you see on social media, it is a cucumber prank long male organ that is used to entice women. And so we have created a psyche in their. Something in their minds that is always craving for sexual expression. It's different from I will love you tomor.
- [06:16]
I will love you all the way. If you, you understand that song, then 50, 50 love in those in our own time even. But before then it was a different if you marry taxi driver, I don't care those kind of songs. So the songs of today are sexually explicit and adventurous in nature.
- [06:40]
B
And so you think in our time we are not focusing on building the union?
- [06:46]
A
No, no, no, no, no, no. It is. It is a transactional relationship. I give you my beautiful body, I make you have orgasm. Then you give me money and you give me comfort.
- [06:56]
B
Why is finance very important in marriage?
- [06:59]
A
Finance? Yes.
- [07:03]
It takes finance for romance to be enjoyable. Sex in one room without fun is physical exercise and punishment. Sex in an air conditioned accommodation in a beautiful environment is called love making. So the you apart from giving physical orgasm, I've specified that you should be giving your wife's financial orgasm. Let me explain something to you. This house, everything here, this cup is made of steel. Steel is from the soil. This is marble is from the soil. My shirt is from petroleum product or cotton is from the soil. Because we were made from the soil and we are sustained from the soil.
- [07:47]
B
Right?
- [07:48]
A
A woman was made from the rib of a man so she would derive sustenance from a man. If she happens to be independent, creating her own finances and earning more than you, she still remains and values that little song that you give to her to appreciate her. Remember I said the first thing Eve heard was appreciation.
- [08:10]
B
Let me stop you here for a minute. We are on the journey of changing the minds and the life. So if you haven't subscribed and become part of the family. Please hit the subscribe button and turn on the notification. Thank you. Now, let's carry on with the conversation. Why do they still want what we have even when they have more than.
- [08:26]
A
It is because they were extracted from us. It is because of their physiology and anatomy. Let me tell you. You know, I'm a medical doctor. This is 41 years I've been a doctor. The female egg does not leave the body of the female. For only one egg, a man will ejaculate 250 million stem cells, and he will need a minimum of about 15 million sperm cells, active stem cells for only one to fertilize her egg. And the zygo of the womb, it stays there until it turns to a child. So the best way to relate with a woman is not give her. Is not to give her consumptive mentality. Okay. Is to give her a contributory mentality.
- [09:10]
B
To me, what's the difference?
- [09:11]
A
A consumptive mentality is you are. You are always giving to her to satisfy her flesh and her appetite. You are not building a future with her. You are creating. And because her appetite can never be satisfied. If you take her to Dubai, she wants to go to Lisbon, she wants to go to. To France, she wants. If you pay for first class, she's aspiring that you go with a chartered flight like Choma and Davido. You know, there's too much pressure on the Internet. Are you following what I'm saying? So when that is the consumptive side, this. The cost of the ring, the cost of that, the cost of that. Now, in my own case, we started with nothing and we knew we needed to contribute together to build a future. There was a life I had specified. Like, I did a tour of six European countries and somebody said that he dreamt that my wife entered his dream and was complaining that I left all the businesses for her to be doing. Then he was bold enough to call my wife. My wife said, my husband is doing what he told me when we were young. I told her, I will marry her. When she was 19. I was 21, I married her. She was 24, I was 26. Connected Minds podcast.