← Konnected Minds Podcast with Derrick Abaitey
Konnected Minds Podcast with Derrick Abaitey
Segment: What You Heard as a Child Is Controlling Your Life Today
00:10:27
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Transcript4 lines
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With the American Express Platinum card, you can access over $3,500 in annual value with benefits and eligible purchases across travel, entertainment and more. There's nothing like Platinum. Learn more@americanexpress.com Explore Platinum enrollment requirements, monthly and other limits in terms of Apply Let me explain this, Derek. Who you are today is not by reason of what you have consciously emitted, okay? But more for what you have unconsciously heard. There's psychological research called theta brain waves. It's been proven, for example, that 95% of a person's belief system is what they have inculcated and have imbibed before the age of seven. And this is so dangerous because it means that who you are at the age of 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 is usually a result of the things you imbibed from when you were much younger. And that's extremely dangerous. It means that you're a product of your surrounding automatically. So every time you heard people call you foolish, stupid boy, you are a dullard. The teachers will tell you you're a dummy. Your last position. All those statements might look like things that were said and fell to the ground, but absolutely not. If they've ever fell to the ground, they fell to the ground as seeds that germinated in your mind. Listen to me as a child, your brain is unintelligent. That sounds paradoxical, but I'm going to explain exactly what I mean. It means that as a child, you are unable and incapable of seeing what is true and what is not true. And so your subconscious and unconscious mind could take a joke as fact, could take a wrong opinion as truth. And so when people tell you, oh, you're stupid, you're foolish, you're never going to make it, hey, those things have sown seeds in your heart. And guess what? That's why some kids grow to the age of 9, 10, 11, 12 and automatically see themselves as backbenchers. They see themselves as people who will never amount to anything because at some point in their lives a teacher had told them that. And so what happened is that subconsciously and unconsciously, they've taken the opinion of a person as rule and as fact in their lives, not because they are incapable, but have thought to themselves, without thinking to themselves, that it is true that they are incapable because someone's opinion made it so. This is important. And so what you hear is extremely powerful. That's why we always advise parents to give children words of encouragement. The words of encouragement are ridiculously powerful because they do much more than you could expect. They sow seeds you're all born tabula rasa. And that means that it's like a canvas. The moment you're born, you begin to paint on it. And so it's usually a context of what is being painted in your mind. That's number one. That's what you hear. Also what you see. What you see, because you see your eyes and your ears are gateways that the gateways to your life. They are not just organs of sight and hearing. They are gateways to your life. And so that's why you see, what do you see? Parents play the strongest role here. You see, the family is the smallest unit of society, but yet it's the most powerful. Because embedded in the family are the primary mirrors of possibilities that children see. As a mentor and speaker who has the privilege of coaching people, even on a personal level, I've been a mentor to quite a number of people. I seen several cases of mentees. And just people at random struggle so much in life with relationships because at some point they saw Daddy hit Mommy.
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Yep.
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And so imagine being the age of 6, 8, 9, 10, and what your sights can recollect is seeing Daddy raise his hands at Mommy. What happens is that might look like a singular action or a series of actions time and again that somebody could do away with, but it never happens that way because your mind keeps record. It always keeps record. Now, what happens is that the record that was kept was stored up somewhere in your mind. Every human being is like an iceberg. Everyone sees what's on top. No one sees what's beneath. But what's beneath is what powers what's on top. And so what's on top is your conscious mind. But what's beneath is your subconscious. And unconscious is much more powerful than your conscious mind. So what happens is this. Whenever your eyes and your ears take in things, they take them down. And occasionally, if I'm not occasionally, every single day, what you see on top are the things beneath that are floating. And so you see, someone is rude. Well, he didn't just wake up rude. Don't get me wrong. There's the Hippocrates angle of people being sanguine, melancholic, phlegmatic and choleric. Absolutely. There's that where you have natural tendencies, right? Behavioral. There's a natural, natural argument. But I even lean way more on nurture than nature because everything natural can be suppressed by nurture. And so here's the point. The eyes, what it sees. And so such a child grows up and begins to think that it's okay to beat women, not because it could have been naturally wicked, but because that experience or the series of experiences that he had made him feel that it was permitted. Has it ever happened to you that you used to do something all your life, all your life, all your life because you thought it was permitted or because you thought it was true, and it was not because of anything else, but principally because of what you saw your parents do? This is interesting and very important. And so there was a very incredible story I once heard. I think it was of a young lady, right? She used to. Every single time she got married, and every single time she used to break fish into two. Into different pieces, cut fish into different pieces. And then one day her husband had to ask her, why do you do this every time? She said, oh, my God, I do this because when we were growing up, we did not have a big fry pan. Yep. And so even now, when I have a big fry pan, I still think small. It's like an elephant that was caged in infancy and tied to a tree, but has outgrown the tree but doesn't know. So that's a mindset issue that sometimes I'm about to go to a particular place and I'm on a call, maybe trying to wrap up a business deal or having a meeting at the office while I'm driving on the car speaker and I get to my destination, easy peasy. And I'm like, how did I get here? That's it. And so that's exactly how mindset is formed and shaped. And so the third one that I haven't mentioned is what you say. You see, what you say confirms what you heard and what you saw. Words are powerful. In fact, I think that some psychological, I think psychiatric and sociological research, I don't have enough data on this now that has even further buttressed the angle that what you hear yourself say is more powerful than anything else. In fact, there's a reason, for example, that you fight thoughts not with thoughts, but with words, because your mind keeps record of your words. This is important. So what happens to most of us is that because we've had it tough, we've heard it tough, we've seen it tough. The worst thing to now make is that, or the worst thing we now do is that we confirm it tough. And all I'll just say is this. There's some sense of legitimacy to statements like it's tough. Can't you see it's tough? And I get it. Absolutely, I get it. But listen to me, it's always going to have to be hard. Everything worthwhile and everything that will stand the test of time will be at the other end of pain. If you want a well ripped body, you're gonna work for it. You're gonna have to work for it. There is absolutely nothing glamorous that is not gotten or sustained by pain. If it was dashed to you, bequeathed to you, will need some sense of pain, discipline to keep it. And so here's what I'm trying to say. No one ever promised you an easy life. And even dear Christians, Jesus didn't promise you an easy life. He said, in this life you will have tribulation, which means in this life you will see shaky, right? Which is fact. Now, away from that and let's narrow it down to your context. Everything worthwhile will require some push. For some, it's harder. But understand this. There was no promise to me ever that for me to make the most of my potentialities in life is ever going to come to me on a bed of roses. This is primarily important. And so here's what I would say to anyone who could be struggling with a negative mindset. It is this. First and foremost, find mirrors of possibilities, no matter how small. There's a saying that I always re echo. I don't care how bad things are. All I need is one person who has a semblance of a good life. All I need is no matter how minuscule, no matter how granular, no matter how lilliputian or diminutive, an example of quote unquote prosperity or an example of success might be in my environment, no matter how tiny, no matter how 0.000000001% might be, I would hold on to that example as a symbol of possibility and an example of what is possible. And I can walk towards it.
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