Segment: 'Why Me?' to 'Why Not Me?' - The Three Stages of Confidence Nobody Talks About

Summary

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Episode Overview

Podcast: Konnected Minds Podcast
Host: Derrick Abaitey
Segment: 'Why Me?' to 'Why Not Me?' - The Three Stages of Confidence Nobody Talks About
Date: February 18, 2026

This episode of Konnected Minds Podcast dives deep into the psychological journey of building confidence, featuring a candid conversation about vulnerability, self-doubt, and resilience. Through a personal story, the guest (widely referred to as A, inferred as Nana Aba) unpacks the inner experiences behind outward confidence, emphasizing that self-assurance is a constantly evolving process rather than a fixed trait. The discussion covers generational communication gaps, dealing with mistakes, confronting imposter syndrome, and the critical role of self-reflection.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Generational Gaps and Critical Conversations ([00:00]–[01:24])

• Importance of Open Dialogue:

  • Nana Aba stresses that parents must create a space where their (teenage or young adult) children can share personal issues, particularly about relationships and sexuality.
  • She shares a story about a friend’s daughter who felt uncomfortable confiding in her mother after a pregnancy scare, highlighting the need for parents to have frank conversations with their children early on.

  "They should be able to tell you all right...because if your daughter is not comfortable...she's not had that conversation...about boys...this conversation must be had with her parents."
  — Nana Aba [00:00]

2. Personal Experience of Early Motherhood ([01:27]–[03:46])

• Facing Consequences and Support Systems:

  • Nana Aba recounts her own experience of getting pregnant at a young age, and the contrasting reactions of her parents: a religious mother versus an understanding, pragmatic father.
  • She explains how having a child young derailed her youthful ambitions but ultimately did not define or limit her.

  "My headache was my mom, right? And not my father...he said, because I knew what you would do. You get into panic mode. But again, she's pregnant, she's going to give birth to a human being. What's the big deal?"
  — Nana Aba quoting her dad [02:02]

• Being Cautious with Influence:

  • She cautions listeners not to use her story as a rationale for early parenthood, emphasizing the sacrifices and challenges she faced.

  "It was my mistake that I made at the time."
  — Nana Aba [03:27]

3. The Three Stages of Confidence ([03:46]–[05:44])

• Breaking Down Confidence:

  • Nana Aba shares that her confidence is often misunderstood. She openly speaks about experiencing imposter syndrome and describes a recurring psychological cycle:
    1. Self-Doubt ("Why me?"): Initial feelings of unworthiness or skepticism when presented with opportunities.
    2. Arrogance ("Why not me?"): Recognizing her accomplishments and flipping the script to feel deserving, sometimes to the point of arrogance.
    3. Humility: Settling into a balanced, grounded sense of self.

  "People associate me with so much confidence. It is not entirely true...I have a psychological condition called the imposter syndrome...The first thing I will say...why me?...Then I go from the self-doubt to arrogance...Then from that arrogance I come to humility."
  — Nana Aba [03:50–05:20]

4. Self-Awareness and Managing Internal Criticism ([05:46]–[06:23])

• Private Inner Struggles:

  • Nana Aba reveals that the cycle of doubt, arrogance, and humility is invisible to others; she tends to be self-critical and self-deprecating.
  • She acknowledges that no external criticism can match her own internal critique, giving her resilience against negativity from others.

  "I'm very self-deprecating as well...So if I step out and you, Derek, you insult me...You don't mean anything because whatever you are saying to me, I probably said worse to myself."
  — Nana Aba [05:46–06:15]

5. Sources of Inspiration—Books and Self-Talk ([06:23]–[08:55])

• The Role of Reading:

  • Books have been pivotal in shaping her mindset. Reading about accomplished figures demonstrated that perseverance is universal and not exclusive to a select few.
  • This led her to inevitably ask, "Why not me?" when facing opportunities or challenges.

  "Books...I've read Magdalene Albright's book. I've read Roosevelt's memoir...They are human beings. They have the same number of hours in a day, just like me...so why not me?"
  — Nana Aba [06:33–07:00]

• Indifference to External Opinions:

  • Nana Aba explains that she is unaffected by public opinion or online negativity; her self-awareness shields her from external judgment.
  • Even praise or criticism only reinforces her internal resolve.

  "There is nothing you, Derek, can say to me that will bring my spirit down...The only person who can bring my spirit down is me. And I go through that every day."
  — Nana Aba [07:30–08:40]

6. Reiteration of Self-Knowledge and Boundaries ([08:55]–[09:19])

• Unwavering Self-Respect:

  • She reiterates her indifference toward "nonsense" and stresses the importance of focusing on one's own standards above others' perceptions.
  • Even her close friends defend her indifference to gossip or criticism.

  "Naba doesn't pay attention to nonsense, and I really don't pay attention to nonsense."
  — Nana Aba [08:57–09:17]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "People associate me with so much confidence. It is not entirely true...I have the imposter syndrome, but I know how to weave my way out of it."
  — Nana Aba [03:50]
• "The fact that you're pregnant now doesn't mean your life comes to an end...when you deliver, you are going back to whatever you want to do."
  — Nana Aba quoting her father [02:12]
• "Every single time...I go through these three stages."
  — Nana Aba [05:34]
• "The only person who can bring my spirit down is me."
  — Nana Aba [08:35]
• "Naba doesn't pay attention to nonsense, and I really don't pay attention to nonsense."
  — Nana Aba [09:17]

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Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:00–01:24]: On generational gaps and why open conversations with children are crucial.
• [01:27–03:46]: Nana Aba's early pregnancy, parental reaction, and reflections on sacrifice.
• [03:46–05:44]: Breaking down "confidence"—the imposter syndrome and her three internal stages.
• [05:46–06:23]: How internal criticism immunizes her from external negativity.
• [06:23–08:55]: Books as sources of inspiration and anchoring self-worth; thriving despite opinions.
• [08:55–09:19]: Indifference to outside judgment—self-knowledge as a shield.

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Takeaways

• Confidence is not linear: The perception of confidence often masks a complex internal dialogue involving doubt, bravado, and humility.
• Self-reflection is critical: Building unstoppable confidence requires honest self-examination and the ability to withstand one’s own harshest judgments.
• Influence of role models: Both people (parents, leaders) and books can reframe what is possible, opening the door to self-belief.
• Guarding your mind: True personal strength comes from knowing yourself deeply and refusing to allow others’ opinions to define you.

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For more insights, visit Konnected Minds on YouTube or follow their Instagram.

Transcript

[A]

Your son, your daughter in her 18s, 19s 20s, should be able to tell you that, oh, there's this guy I'm talking to or there's this girl I'm talking to. They should be able to. They should be able to tell you all right, because if your daughter is not comfortable and I have a friend's daughter, a girl, she's now 22 years old. When she was 18, she called me. She was upset, she was crying, so she wants to come and see me immediately. I thought of calling her mother to tell her that your daughter wants to come and see me now. Just when I was dialing her mom's number, she called back and said, auntie, please don't tell my mom that I'm, I'm coming to see you. And I thought anyway. So I called the mother. Indeed, I didn't tell her that your daughter was coming to, but I called them and said, is everything okay? How's your daughters? Oh yeah, she's at home. I left her at home. She was there watching tv. And I said, okay. So the girl came to see me. Guess what? This is an 18 year old girl who had gone to try whatever she had to try with a boy. And as she was talking, I could just tell that that conversation has not been had with her. You know, about boys. She's not had that conversation. Now she's scared because she thinks she's pregnant. She has not been spoken to about protection. But this conversation must be had with her parents. Parents must have this conversation with their children.

[B]

So you, did your parents have this conversation with you?

[A]

Of course.

[B]

I see.

[A]

Of course, of course they did. Of course they did. I knew the consequences. I knew, look, at a young age, you must know that every action has a consequence. Every action you take has a consequence. For instance, I'll give you a typical example. When I got pregnant and I got pregnant at a very young age, I knew the only person would have problems with me being pregnant at that age would be my mother. Because my mother is very religious and very spiritual. And so she's thinking, oh, you've committed the biggest sin in the world. So for me, my headache was my mom, right? And not my father. When my mom hurriedly went to tell my dad, my dad said, but I know, I know. And my mom was like, but why haven't you talked about it? And he said, because I knew what you would do. You get into panic mode. But again, she's pregnant, she's going to give birth to a human being. What's the big deal? What's the problem. There's nothing wrong with it, right? There is not that. That was my father's posture. And my father told me that the fact that you're pregnant now doesn't mean your life comes to an end. And when you deliver, you are going back to whatever you want to do. And I did it. You get it? Because. And another reason I don't talk about having a child at a very young age is that sometimes after talking about, I go into my DM and a lot of young people, oh, if you were able to do it, then I can do it too. No, don't go and get pregnant at 18 or 19 or 20. It was my mistake that I made at the time.

[B]

Well, I mean, at the time, it was a mistake at the time.

[A]

I mean, at the time it was. It was not planned, right? It was not planned. Yeah. No. But I have a wonderful son from it. I love, totally adore my son, but it should not be the inspiration for anybody because I had to sacrifice a lot when my friends were busy hanging out, having fun. I was being a mother. I was being a mother. So I really didn't enjoy my 19s and my 20s like my age mates did. Because at that time, you're now going to the university, you're exploring things. I didn't get that.

[B]

You know, your father really helped you build some sort of unstoppable confidence.

[A]

Yes, yes. When people say I'm confident, well, I'm not like particular, you know, Again, I always try to correct this. People associate me with so much confidence. It is not entirely true. What is it? I have. I have a psychological condition called the imposter syndrome. Okay, Yeah, I have the imposter syndrome, but I know how to weave my way out of the imposter syndrome. Okay. When good things happen to me, I sit down and I'm doubting why this good thing has happened to me. So that's the first phase of my imposter syndrome. I always doubt myself. Right. The first stage of it. For instance, if you had reached out and said, oh, Nanaba, I want you on my podcast because I want to talk about ABCD with you. The first thing I will say when my team tells me, aloisa, why me? Because at that point there's an imposter syndrome for me. I'm wondering why you want me and not her. Him. That this. Why me? Okay, so I'm not exactly a confident person. I'm only. I'm building a point now from the import when I realized that, oh, I am Nana, Aba Na Mutual. I've done abcd. Then I go from the self doubt to arrogance that if not me, then I'm nanaba. Okay, So I mean, why would Derek talk to anybody else and not me? What does he mean? I'm not available or I'll be available? That's where the arrogance comes in. So I go through three stages. Then from that arrogance I come to humility.

[B]

This happens every time?

[A]

Every single time from your media journey. Every single time. I go through these three, three stages.

[B]

The people around you, how do they take that?

[A]

They don't know. They don't know because these are things I do to myself. And I'm very self deprecating as well. People don't know that, but I'm self deprecating. You know, I. I criticize myself a lot, I abuse myself a lot. I insult myself. So if I step out and you, Derek, you insult me. You are a mere mortal to me. You are, You're. You don't mean anything because whatever you are saying to me, I probably said worse to myself. Do you get it? So there is absolutely nobody who can. Nobody can bring me down. Nobody. Nothing can bring me down.

[B]

If you pause for a second and look, by the way, I'm enjoying this conversation. I'm enjoying it. If you really think through your life when you were young, where did that come from?

[A]

Books. Huh? Books. I've read Magdalene Albright's book. I've read Roosevelt's memoir. I've read books. I've read books. And I say to myself, these were greats. They had plans. Some of them didn't have plans. They got into it by accident. Things happened to them, but they persevered. They persevered, but they are human beings. They have the same number of hours in a day, just like me. They have the same organs as me, so why not me? And so it's just the books that I read that have inspired me, okay? That have inspired me. And so there is nothing you, Derek, can say to me that will bring my spirit down. And so sometimes when people are on social media discussing me, people come in. Nanab, are you okay? I haven't even seen what they're saying because I don't see it. I don't pay attention. I don't lose sleep over the opinions of people I think shouldn't really be discussing my life because I've discussed myself. I know what I'm capable of doing. I know what I'm incapable of doing. And so if Derek, you have some friends you sit with and you are busily discussing Nanaba, and you think you're saying the worst things about me and it's going to bring my spirit down. You actually egg me on. You. You egg me on because I thrive. I thrive. You can't bring my spirit down. The only person who can bring my spirit down is me. And I go through that every day. This morning when I woke up, I got a message from a Rwandan. Rwandan. One Rwandan minister who said, oh, I heard about Women of Valor, and I want to attend Women of Valor in March. And I'm. Thank you. Whoa. Rwanda. How did they know? Oh, my God. Maybe somebody in my. My team mentioned it to her, or somebody has gone to tell her something about me. What does this woman want? And I'm thinking, but I've been promoting this thing. I've done it. This is the fourth year. So, I mean, it's not a big deal if she knows, right? And then I get into. That's the arrogance. But no, no, no.

[B]

This is.

[A]

It's.

[B]

It's. You know yourself.

[A]

I know myself. No, I know myself too well. And so. And my friends know that I don't care about certain things. For instance, Sewa, when you go and tell Sewa something about Nanaba, thinking that Nanaba. Okay, Sawa will tell you that Naba doesn't pay attention to nonsense, and I really don't pay attention to nonsense. I. I don't.

[B]

Let's look at how it appears.

[A]

How does it appear? I mean. I mean, because I really don't care how it appears. Connected Minds Podcast.