Episode Overview

Podcast: Konnected Minds Podcast
Host: Derrick Abaitey
Segment: 'Why Me?' to 'Why Not Me?' - The Three Stages of Confidence Nobody Talks About
Date: February 18, 2026

This episode of Konnected Minds Podcast dives deep into the psychological journey of building confidence, featuring a candid conversation about vulnerability, self-doubt, and resilience. Through a personal story, the guest (widely referred to as A, inferred as Nana Aba) unpacks the inner experiences behind outward confidence, emphasizing that self-assurance is a constantly evolving process rather than a fixed trait. The discussion covers generational communication gaps, dealing with mistakes, confronting imposter syndrome, and the critical role of self-reflection.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Generational Gaps and Critical Conversations ([00:00]–[01:24])

• Importance of Open Dialogue:

  • Nana Aba stresses that parents must create a space where their (teenage or young adult) children can share personal issues, particularly about relationships and sexuality.
  • She shares a story about a friend’s daughter who felt uncomfortable confiding in her mother after a pregnancy scare, highlighting the need for parents to have frank conversations with their children early on.

  "They should be able to tell you all right...because if your daughter is not comfortable...she's not had that conversation...about boys...this conversation must be had with her parents."
  — Nana Aba [00:00]

2. Personal Experience of Early Motherhood ([01:27]–[03:46])

• Facing Consequences and Support Systems:

  • Nana Aba recounts her own experience of getting pregnant at a young age, and the contrasting reactions of her parents: a religious mother versus an understanding, pragmatic father.
  • She explains how having a child young derailed her youthful ambitions but ultimately did not define or limit her.

  "My headache was my mom, right? And not my father...he said, because I knew what you would do. You get into panic mode. But again, she's pregnant, she's going to give birth to a human being. What's the big deal?"
  — Nana Aba quoting her dad [02:02]

• Being Cautious with Influence:

  • She cautions listeners not to use her story as a rationale for early parenthood, emphasizing the sacrifices and challenges she faced.

  "It was my mistake that I made at the time."
  — Nana Aba [03:27]

3. The Three Stages of Confidence ([03:46]–[05:44])

• Breaking Down Confidence:

  • Nana Aba shares that her confidence is often misunderstood. She openly speaks about experiencing imposter syndrome and describes a recurring psychological cycle:
    1. Self-Doubt ("Why me?"): Initial feelings of unworthiness or skepticism when presented with opportunities.
    2. Arrogance ("Why not me?"): Recognizing her accomplishments and flipping the script to feel deserving, sometimes to the point of arrogance.
    3. Humility: Settling into a balanced, grounded sense of self.

  "People associate me with so much confidence. It is not entirely true...I have a psychological condition called the imposter syndrome...The first thing I will say...why me?...Then I go from the self-doubt to arrogance...Then from that arrogance I come to humility."
  — Nana Aba [03:50–05:20]

4. Self-Awareness and Managing Internal Criticism ([05:46]–[06:23])

• Private Inner Struggles:

  • Nana Aba reveals that the cycle of doubt, arrogance, and humility is invisible to others; she tends to be self-critical and self-deprecating.
  • She acknowledges that no external criticism can match her own internal critique, giving her resilience against negativity from others.

  "I'm very self-deprecating as well...So if I step out and you, Derek, you insult me...You don't mean anything because whatever you are saying to me, I probably said worse to myself."
  — Nana Aba [05:46–06:15]

5. Sources of Inspiration—Books and Self-Talk ([06:23]–[08:55])

• The Role of Reading:

  • Books have been pivotal in shaping her mindset. Reading about accomplished figures demonstrated that perseverance is universal and not exclusive to a select few.
  • This led her to inevitably ask, "Why not me?" when facing opportunities or challenges.

  "Books...I've read Magdalene Albright's book. I've read Roosevelt's memoir...They are human beings. They have the same number of hours in a day, just like me...so why not me?"
  — Nana Aba [06:33–07:00]

• Indifference to External Opinions:

  • Nana Aba explains that she is unaffected by public opinion or online negativity; her self-awareness shields her from external judgment.
  • Even praise or criticism only reinforces her internal resolve.

  "There is nothing you, Derek, can say to me that will bring my spirit down...The only person who can bring my spirit down is me. And I go through that every day."
  — Nana Aba [07:30–08:40]

6. Reiteration of Self-Knowledge and Boundaries ([08:55]–[09:19])

• Unwavering Self-Respect:

  • She reiterates her indifference toward "nonsense" and stresses the importance of focusing on one's own standards above others' perceptions.
  • Even her close friends defend her indifference to gossip or criticism.

  "Naba doesn't pay attention to nonsense, and I really don't pay attention to nonsense."
  — Nana Aba [08:57–09:17]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "People associate me with so much confidence. It is not entirely true...I have the imposter syndrome, but I know how to weave my way out of it."
  — Nana Aba [03:50]
• "The fact that you're pregnant now doesn't mean your life comes to an end...when you deliver, you are going back to whatever you want to do."
  — Nana Aba quoting her father [02:12]
• "Every single time...I go through these three stages."
  — Nana Aba [05:34]
• "The only person who can bring my spirit down is me."
  — Nana Aba [08:35]
• "Naba doesn't pay attention to nonsense, and I really don't pay attention to nonsense."
  — Nana Aba [09:17]

Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:00–01:24]: On generational gaps and why open conversations with children are crucial.
• [01:27–03:46]: Nana Aba's early pregnancy, parental reaction, and reflections on sacrifice.
• [03:46–05:44]: Breaking down "confidence"—the imposter syndrome and her three internal stages.
• [05:46–06:23]: How internal criticism immunizes her from external negativity.
• [06:23–08:55]: Books as sources of inspiration and anchoring self-worth; thriving despite opinions.
• [08:55–09:19]: Indifference to outside judgment—self-knowledge as a shield.

Takeaways

• Confidence is not linear: The perception of confidence often masks a complex internal dialogue involving doubt, bravado, and humility.
• Self-reflection is critical: Building unstoppable confidence requires honest self-examination and the ability to withstand one’s own harshest judgments.
• Influence of role models: Both people (parents, leaders) and books can reframe what is possible, opening the door to self-belief.
• Guarding your mind: True personal strength comes from knowing yourself deeply and refusing to allow others’ opinions to define you.

For more insights, visit Konnected Minds on YouTube or follow their Instagram.