A (2:17)

Yeah.

B (2:18)

So I just want to throw the statistics in before we really get deep into the conversation.

A (2:25)

Okay.

B (2:25)

There is a data from South Africa in 2022 that says that on divorce data that says 55% of divorces were initiated by the woman in the marriage. Why do you think this happens?

A (2:39)

See, when men approach women, they go for what they are seeing. They go for the color, the coils of the hair, of the hair. See number two, they go for the curves. They don't go for the character, the capacity, the competence. And how. And the chemistry, because so much happiness. Hormones or love? Hormones. Oxytocin is secreted. They don't reason well, they don't calculate well. They are fascinated by the voice, the in Nigeria. Nice Yash. You know, there's an undue emphasis on Botox now, instead of brains. And Botox has expiring dates. Botox and breasts, they have expiring dates, but the brain does not have an expiring date. It is where inspiration. It is where the man will be inspired. So when you go into marriage, in the course of marrying, for these 40 years, I've married that one wife, according to Lumide, Emmanuel will evolve six times. And so you will eventually get married to six women, even though you are in a monogamous marriage. And so when you are marrying this woman, when you marry this woman, most times your mental capacity might be higher than her own, but your education might be higher than your own. Finances will be higher, your experience. But as time progresses. There's a Bible passage that says, your desire shall be for thy husband. The real interpretation, and I want you to Google it, it means, your desire shall be to control your husband. That's why God said, and he shall rule over thee. If rule and authority was not involved in the desire for thy husband, they wouldn't have brought that. So you see the woman, you marry the woman, she's very submissive in the begin, meaning even subservient. As time progresses, she has had union, she has had the daughter. Her roots will start sinking into the ground. And then if you are not, if she is financially independent, her income might start increasing. And then you will find out that there is this control. Who want to come in? I have been married for 40 years and I said that for you to remain married, you must be stupid for this duration. Logical people, intelligent people, don't remain married for long. Bill Gates, a host of them. Because you will reach a stage in life. Your wife will annoy you, she will misbehave, she will do something wrong, she will start crying. You will need to apologize to her for crying, for doing something wrong. And if you are logical, you won't do that. So for you to remain married, because it is you that went to bring her, you brought her asset and liabilities. So if she offends you, she does something wrong, you don't wait for her to apologize. Women might never apologize.

B (5:42)

So you think men have more to lose in marriage than women?

A (5:44)

I have not said that. Men that will have more to lose are men with reputation. You don't know My wife. My wife is not here. My wife is not doing podcasts. My wife is not doing. Is not preaching. So I have more to lose in terms of poverty, popularity, responsibility, privileges. Flying from Lagos to this place, Accra, you needed to see the way people have been treating me. Security personnel. I met a Ghanaian, Emmanuel Odati Lampte. He took me to the executive lounge of the Muritala Mohammed airport, bought food for me because of my podcast. Assuming I now mess up with my wife or do something wrong, you will find out that I have gone. I will go down in his sight. So as the woman man is getting older in marriage, she starts to control your driving. Don't you control your driving? You. Why are you looking at me like that?

B (6:40)

Your wife, maybe she hasn't gotten there yet.

A (6:42)

She has not got.

B (6:43)

I've only been married for eight years.

A (6:45)

Eight years.

B (6:46)

So she hasn't gotten.

A (6:47)

Maybe you're a very good driver. So some of the things that, you.

B (6:50)

Know, my wife would usually correct me about would be, oh, Derek, you know, don't put this shirt on.

A (6:55)

Yes, once. Why did you, you know, why did you say this? For those of us who are preachers, they correct our preaching. Why did you say this? Won't Agnes think that you are talking about her? Why did you do this and do that? And the corrections will start bringing frictions. And then these frictions will increase because they are stressed too. A woman can trek up to 15km in the house, kitchen here, there, there. She becomes a dramatist. She will sing for the children. She becomes engineer, she's a cook. The, the. The pressure she undergoes is enormous. And then to add to that, when you are reaching a certain age bracket.

B (7:42)

Yep.

A (7:43)

The pressure on you to succeed in business, in ministry, in sports, will start separating you from her. When you don't have much in your hands. You can hold your hands to stroll in the streets as husband and wife. But when you have much in your, you don't hold your hands to stroll, excepting in old age. So there is going to be a gap, a gap of female staff, a gap of male staff, a gap of workers, a gap of interest of how the business should be run. I had to leave all my businesses that we started together for my wife. Because at a point every day there are three things that will happen that can cause divorce. I told her, if you want to buy a generator, let me know before I came back from travel. She has bought generator, these buildings. Before you put tenants, let me know. Before I knew it, she has put in tenants. Then your tastes and your values will start differing, like seeing your house. Now it's as if I should go and break down my house. Because they find touch and everything you see, differences in values and taste and aspirations will start coming. And then one thing that affects women, that leads them to divorce, is that as they get to the age of 40, gray hair will start coming on their head, their faces will start changing. Fat will be deposited one way some way or the other. The tummy that carried children will start having striagravidarum lines. And in her mind, you have not hated her, but in her mind, she's hating herself because the compliments she used to receive, she's no longer receiving them. If you park vehicles, when a woman is walking past, she will look at herself in the reflection of the vehicle, because the first thing woman had when she was created from the rib of Adam was praise. So they always liked praise. So. And when she's not, she's not getting it, oh, you're looking good. You're doing that either because the husband has become very busy and she's not getting it from fellow women or other people. And then there's a problem that comes as the man is aging. He starts to dress better, more expensively, look better, drive better cars. Sometimes I go to work as old as I am. My workers will say, daddy, you're looking take away. Nobody tells my wife that because she has deposited fat, she has stressed herself. And so these women get frustrated, but they can't eat. And then if there is any man that is complimenting them, giving them attention in the gym, the gym where she goes for anything in the workplace, you will not see that she is attracted to that man. And then she subconsciously starts looking at you as if you don't love her. And then they can fall into sexual escapades. They don't even love that person. But just the fact that women like being complimented, men like being respected.

B (10:43)

So what should.

A (10:43)

What should we do as men, as men, to support the Wives Connected Minds podcast?