← Konnected Minds Podcast with Derrick Abaitey
Konnected Minds Podcast with Derrick Abaitey
Segment:- Women Don't Want Your Money, They Want Your Effort:The Marriage Secrets No One Teaches Men
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- [00:00]
A
Women find it difficult to manage authority. You see that the wife of a president might want to exercise the showmanship of the presidency more than the husband. They find it difficult to manage authority. There is this. I want to be like God's intuition. Eve had everything in the garden. Only one thing she didn't have. She was not allowed to touch. But that was what attracted her. And she was discussing with the serpent according to biblical history, without consulting the husband. Do you know women sometimes they have this because of their ability to carry the size of any man and the size to push out and the strength to push out babies. They don't fear. Why did Sarah laugh when God was talking to Abraham? Why did the wife of Lot turn back? Why did the daughters of Lot decide to sleep with Lot? They can be desperate, they can be impatient. A woman's psychology is like the womb. If the womb wants to push out a baby, if you don't, if you don't know what to do, the womb can push and push and push and even tear. And sometimes it will just go flaccid when it is tired. They get confused. So a woman has this urge to do things and without much rationalization. And when she has money and the man is not living up to expectation. A man. A woman is not interested in the quantity of money. No, a woman is interested in your efforts to contribute to the marriage and then to appreciate her. At my age, I live alone in an eight bedroom house with 10 toilets, with my wife on half an acre. My wife, sometimes before she comes from work, I've washed the dishes because I don't want her to come from work and then start washing dishes. So anything I can do to ease her pain and stress, she appreciates it. And you don't turn to a man who. Who. The woman is working and bringing money, you start expending the money for frivolities. Instead of doing side deals, you are doing side chicks. The wife will be angry then. At the same time, most men are too sensitive to what is not intended. The car. The car. Why the fuel? Please don't be driving it until it enters yellow or amber, because it can spoil the injector. Is it because you are the one who bought the car? Is it because you are the. Don't. She just told you something reasonable. You should learn to accept it. Most of us men react negatively to things that are supposed to be positively appreciated because of inferiority complex, you know. Then in marriage, both men and women, if your man married you when he had primary six and he has upgraded to secondary school. He has upgraded to polytechnic. From polytechnic he did a postgraduate diploma and did a university degree. And subsequently he contested elections and won into the House of Assembly. You too go to 9th school and upgrade your grammar. Upgrade your grammar. Don't say when my husband went back, the man would be so upgrade your grammar. It is not. Don't be tolerated, be celebrated. Upgrade your grammar. Then men, as your wife is upgrading, also upgrade yourself, acquire skills, diversify your businesses. You know when a wife, a woman always looks, has, wants a man she can look up to? No, no, no, no. They always. They like strong men, they like tough men, they like focused men, they like productive men, they like men that can exert authority. They don't like sissies, they don't like parasites, they don't like people who just carry on ligbola in between their legs. And so, as a man, as your wife is upgrading, learn to upgrade. Now your wife must see you that you are putting in effort to raise the family. Don't sleep. I was the first bus driver in my school. I cleaned toilets, I carried children on my back. As a medical doctor then.
- [04:30]
I had reached the age of 40. I had practiced for 15 years. I was doing menial things to make sure that the family had food. When my wife saw that, she started falling into place. So I was industrious. I was looking for things to do. And when a woman sees your contribution, she is ready to work more for you. And then than if you are not contributing, then you also have to guarantee a woman a future. It says, and I would. The Bible says. And Sarah called Abraham, Lord, the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. So you must try to provide number two. The Bible says that I shall not want. He leads me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. And he makes me to lie down beside the green pastures. When a cow or a sheep is well fed, they lie down. If you are traveling from Wales, is it Wales? You are traveling from Wales to Manchester, all those farms that you will see with the train line, you, you will see that the cows sit down. They don't malinger like Fulani cows in Nigeria because they are well fed. They eat fodder. They prepare fodder for winter and bring them out, I mean in summer, bring them out for winter. And during summer there's enough greenery for them to eat. They don't malinger. A woman is angry when her children are going to watch television in another person's house. And maybe in the process they slap one of them so now, the good thing is that if somebody wants to be enterprising, somebody wants to work hard, somebody wants to be frugal, there is enough for every man to do to generate revenue. But most of us, we carry ourselves in a pedestal that is not realistic. We put ourselves in a status that is not at tandem with our state. Particularly we who are pastors, particularly we who have gone to school. Don't you know I'm a graduate Cost you and your graduates if you can't feed a family. I've done many other things. I've sold secondhand clothing. I run a poultry. I go into the poultry to clean the excrement. I've planted cucumber, I've planted potatoes. I carry cassava on my head. Until last year, Last two years, I weed. All in a bid to make sure I provide something. All in a bid to make sure that my dream of having children all over the world, I provide something. If a woman sees that and you are not intimidated by her successes because she's answering your name, the children are answering your name. And sometimes learn to swallow pride. You didn't put money down for feeding. Then you're asking for bush meat and nkrakra soup. It doesn't work if she provides frozen fish. Eat that one and move on. Always remain mysterious to a woman. Don't let a woman read you. Remain mysterious. Your next move is concealed. Yes, remain mysterious. There are many things you can do. When I left the school and the schools and left everything for my wife. Why did you leave everything for her? I told you that when you reach 60, your greatest need is peace of mind, good health and peace of mind. Most other things will become boring. At this age. You love cars. At a certain age I loved cars. I used to import cars. I used to drive. Now I trek. You will get tired of food. You won't have strength for sex. You will. In fact, people say that from the age of 40, most men are described whether they have money or not. Whether you are handsome, whether you are fed, doesn't matter. If not, I won't call somebody's name. They shouldn't. They wouldn't have married. So you now find out that the children have left home. They are facing their own lives. And let me quickly say this. Children are not a good retirement plan because they will have their own challenges. Once a man starts kissing his wife, you are a second option. How many times have you sent money to your father? This month.
- [08:24]
Even when he is rich, you don't remember him. So now the. The thing is what you need is peace and good health. And so the schools were having problems. This is that. That I'm too high, I'm too harsh, I'm too strict. I'm too this. She can't tolerate workers. Me, I can't tolerate stupid people. You understand? And why don't you? And so we're having quarrel. Quarrel. Quarrel. In fact. Yep. On her 60th. On her 60th birthday. I went and met her a week before. I said, look, anytime we have any. Any major activity, we always quarrel. This is your 60th birthday. Please don't let us quarrel. So I was dodging all the quarrels. I come from worry. I'm an honorable man.
- [09:13]
I grew up in worry. In fact, in the slums. She grew up in Agbasa. One tough part. And when two molecules like this collide, there's bound to be some explosions. So I was dodging the quarrels because I had more to lose. And then the day of the 60th birthday, she. A quarrel came from somewhere. I don't know where it came from. Maybe one of my drivers, one of my teachers. Then she said, who told you I wanted to celebrate birthday? Who told you I wanted to celebrate birthday? Because women don't know what they want. That's why they will wear short skirt and they will be pulling it down. That's why they will wear high heels and put slippers in their bag. That's why a woman can own a poultry, a restaurant. She will go for a wedding ceremony and be carrying small chops to put in her bag for her children. They don't know what they want. Also she quarreled me. I just withdrew like a snail. Because he who has more to lose has to avoid fights. You don't go and quarrel with somebody who is likely to burn your house when he has no building. And so she now dressed up. He said, come, come, let us take picture. Me, Momo. Momo is a foolish person in Nigeria. And I told you, sometimes you need to be foolish to remain married. I went, he said, hold me from back. And I grabbed her from behind. Remember I told you they like to control you? Yep. So I grabbed her and then they took the picture. Connected Minds Podcast.