B (2:56)

I mean, it's not a memo, it's like, it's like a note. I don't know, it's very long of one of these young boys I work. So he does a lot of my AI research. And the message was very interesting. You know, anytime I come around you, it's not because I, I don't have anything doing, but it's terrible at home, essentially.

A (3:18)

Why is it terrible at home?

B (3:19)

While he was speaking, I was just thinking about him and the message he sent and I read it several times and I couldn't reply for two days. Right, because he has seen a new interest. He wants to do AI stuff. He wants to work part time for me while still in school and I got him another job online. But the parents don't get it.

A (3:38)

Why not? Why aren't they getting it?

B (3:41)

And it's troubling the child.

A (3:45)

You see, now he's, now he's talking to you. His parents don't know you. He's talking to you. Ideally, if he's unhappy with something, he should be able to open up to his parents. But parents should not put a wedge between them and their children. I've seen children who have gone wayward. You know, my son had friends when he was growing up, he went to school with them. I've seen how some of these children have ended up. I mean, it's not the end of their life. They're still very young. But the way they've gone could have been avoided if the parents were present. You have to be present. Do you get it? You need to be present in your child's life at every point. Look, my son will sit for an exam, it doesn't go well, and he's scratching his hair and going, we had a surprise test today. And I just know from the way he's going that it didn't go well. And I said, huh? How did it go? He said, well, not too good. I said, but why didn't you prepare? He said, nobody prepares for surprises. I didn't know there was going to be a surprise test, you know, and then we laugh over it, you know, but the lesson here is that you must always be prepared because that's why it's a surprise test. You've read your curriculum, you know, on certain days there will be surprise tests. You should be ready for everything that comes comes your way. But I didn't judge him because he didn't do well in the exam. Of course I will rebuke him that you should have done better because the previous term you did better. You know, just prepare more, study more, focus more. And the next time he would do because he believes that when he comes back to his parent or her parents, they're not going to judge him or her, they're not going to rebu. I mean, it's okay to rebuke your child, but don't overdo it. You know, find a middle ground. Yes, he didn't do well here, but he's done well there. So why are you focused only on the negative? Just as you rebuke him, praise him as well, that he knows that, oh, when I do the good things, my parents notice. When I do wrong, they notice as well. But there are parents who are just taking the piss. They're just always looking for the faults, you know, that's not fair to children.

B (6:04)

I tell you what, I still haven't been able to reply to this young boy.

A (6:07)

You should.

B (6:08)

I will. He was here yesterday. We had a great chat and normally he would leave at 3pm, but he stayed longer. Yesterday. He was here up until seven.

A (6:18)

He's comfortable.

B (6:19)

When I was leaving, I was like, yo, you're still here.

A (6:23)

He's comfortable because you are present. Do you understand? You are present. You noticed him, that he has stayed longer than usual. You notice them. Sometimes people are not looking for handouts. All they need is to be noticed, to be recognized. When you said, hey, you are still here, do you know how it made him feel? He will feel good about it because at home he's not noticed. No one is present.

B (6:51)

Do you think parents don't take the time to understand their kids well?

A (6:54)

Again, things have changed because now every parent is busy making money. The parents have their regular jobs and they have side hustles. They have side hustles. And you have parents who think that what you need to provide right now is money for the child to have enough to eat close to where to go to school. But that's not all it takes.

B (7:16)

Take me through it.

A (7:18)

You must make time to talk to your children, understand their day, understand who their friends are. In my son's case, I always told him to invite his friends over because without knowing, I needed to hear the kind of conversations they have. I needed to understand the personalities of the friends he hangs out with. I just needed to understand their psyche. So I was invited. And my friends, sons were always happy. My friends, my son's friends were Always happy coming home because they know when they come, I will sit with them. In fact, they introduced me to hip hop. They introduced me to hip hop. You know, they'll be rapping and I'll be there. We're cooking, we're having fun. And they never ever called me Auntie. They either call me Nanaba or they call me Ro because my English name is Rosemon. So they shorten it to Ro. None of them ever said, hello, Auntie. They were comfortable. Even without my son's permission, some would call me auntie. Can I come and spend the weekend at your house? Yeah, why not? Come, be comfortable, you know, because these children are comfortable. Some would even say, auntie, I want to come to your house this Saturday. Can you call my father or my mother and tell them that you want me to come and I'll tell their parents that Your child should be able to tell you that I'm going to Nanaba's house on Saturday to spend time with her son. They should be comfortable telling you.

B (8:45)

Is it fear? Do some parents put fear in the kids?

A (8:50)

Basically fear and not being present. It's either fear or just not being present or not caring. I mean, every parent cares about their child, but you should be concerned about what your child wants to do, what your child is not doing. Because sometimes some parents are surprised. They get surprised their child will do something very wonderful and they are shocked that their child was able to do it. How do you not know that your child can do that?

B (9:20)

Right.

A (9:20)

You should know your child's abilities and capabilities. And so when your child is falling short, you should know something is going wrong somewhere. So time to have a conversation with them.

B (9:31)

This is a full time job.

A (9:32)

It is not. It is fun. It is a fun job because you have decided to be responsible for another human being. So your responsibility is not just financial. Your responsibility is financial, is emotional, it is mental. You have to be present at all times. Connected Minds Podcast.