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Konnected Minds Podcast with Derrick Abaitey
Why Society's Timeline Should not Control Your Life as a Woman - Marriage, Success & Finding Your Path: Nana Aba Anamoah
01:29:57
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- [00:00]
A
I have a psychological condition called the imposter syndrome. I always doubt myself. I'm a big opportunist. I make friends because I know there is something you have that I would like. Okay. The feminism in me is from my father, because my father was a feminist. My father believed in women. My father said, if you're going to prepare wachi and the recipe is there, you will read the recipe and understand. And you can make the watchi. You don't have to stay in the kitchen so many hours.
- [00:32]
B
That was your father's.
- [00:33]
A
That was my father's view. A lot of people want their children to be lawyers and pharmacists and doctors because it was a dream for them. They didn't achieve it, and so they want their children to be that. But that is not fair. Let the child experience life for themselves. If your character doesn't count for anything, don't expect growth because. Because the days when God was pouring mana, now you have to work for. Yeah, you have to work for the mana.
- [01:00]
B
Do you think there's a lot of societal pressure on young girls and women?
- [01:05]
A
I think.
- [01:13]
B
You're welcome to Connected Minds podcast. My name is Derek Abite. My guest today doesn't need introduction. I'm sitting with Nana Aba Anamoa. You're welcome to the show.
- [01:25]
A
Thank you for having me.
- [01:26]
B
This is the shortest introduction I've done because clearly you don't need introduction.
- [01:32]
A
Are you sure?
- [01:33]
B
Yeah. You know, they will see. Isn't it?
- [01:37]
A
Ah, right. Yes. One of those.
- [01:40]
B
Yes.
- [01:41]
A
Yeah.
- [01:41]
B
So why should anyone sit through this conversation to the end?
- [01:45]
A
Well, I actually don't know. I really don't know what inspires people to watch certain interviews because when I'm watching TV or anything, there is no inspiration for me. I watch because I'm curious. I watch because I want to learn something new. And so I do not go into that mode with something in mind. Right. I just want to learn. Even if it's rubbish. I want to learn the rubbish. And then I will know, oh, this is actually rubbish. So the next time I see it, I'm on avoiding it. So I. I just watch things, you know, things that people would ordinarily not watch. I make time for those. I watch serious things. I read serious things. I don't read serious things. Sometimes I just look for articles about silly things because I'm a lifetime curious person. And so I don't know what the inspiration is for watching this interview, but I hope whatever inspiration they have is achieved.
- [02:44]
B
Well, I guess the question, the next question, should they be Watching us right now?
- [02:48]
A
Well, why not? Why shouldn't they be watching you? I mean, you ask good questions. You have a great platform. So they should watch. Thank you. They should watch your show.
- [02:58]
B
So you spoke about being a curious kid.
- [03:01]
A
Yeah.
- [03:01]
B
Where did I start from?
- [03:03]
A
Well, I think from birth. I guess I'm just a very curious person. I always want to know what's behind something, why people do it, why they chose not to do it, and what would have been if they hadn't done it. And these are questions that I ask myself all the time. And I guess it's also because of the books that I. I read when I was growing up. I'm one of those children who never got a toy or a candy when they did something right or got a good grade. When I was growing up, when I did something great, I was rewarded with a book. And so that's all I've always known. So the book is my place to go to. The book is my place to feel connected with my inner being. And books make you curious because as you flip through the pages, you want to know what happened next. Even though you have a certain idea of what is going to happen, the biggest relief and the best part about reading is when you are surprised. Huh? It didn't go the way you expected it to go. And that's why I don't like movies, because the movies, you can always tell how it's going to go. But for storybooks, I know I'm going to be disappointed. And so when people disappoint me in real life, I'm really not disappointed because I've seen so many interesting tales. I've read stories of people getting disappointed and they survived. And so disappointments really don't get to me. I mean, what if you feel you've disappointed me and you think that Naba is going to lash out because she's disappointed, then you're wrong, because I don't care.
- [04:51]
B
So who was a reader in your family between mom and dad?
- [04:54]
A
My dad.
- [04:55]
B
Huh?
- [04:56]
A
My dad. My dad is. My dad was a big reader, and so he introduced me to books very early. And I wasn't even reading books for kids at some point, but from age 7 or age 7 or 8, I was reading adult books. I was reading Pilgrim's Progress. I read Animal Farm when I was very young. I read books. You know, I read Gorbachev's book for those who followed the Soviet Union. I read those. I read adult books, and those books were pivotal for me. My mom would complain. That book is for, you know, 30 year olds. And I was reading because my father was reading those books. And so I really didn't like the lady bird stories because I. I thought they were childish, they were too colorful. I wanted to be serious like my father, and so I preferred those.
- [05:49]
B
What about him did you admire so much?
- [05:52]
A
My father? What did I admire? Because my father was a very calm person. He was a good person. He was a proper human being. I saw him doing so many good things when I was growing up, and he made me understand that being kind was not an option. It's not something you consider. You've got to be a kind person.
- [06:17]
B
Right.
- [06:18]
A
You know, you don't sit down and say, should I be kind to this person? Should I help that person? It came to him so naturally, and he didn't have to know you. And those were things that inspired me. And so I come across people and I don't know them. I'm meeting them for the first time and they go, oh, Nana, I like you so much. And then I start getting to know them because I'm curious, what do you do? You know, what, how did you end up doing that? And then you find out that they have challenges. And then at that particular moment, my mind is racing. How do I help? How do I help? You know, so that's something I got from my father.
- [07:03]
B
And, you know, you speak very much about your father, but in the interviews, I've watched very little about mom.
- [07:10]
A
Oh, I speak about my mom.
- [07:11]
B
Okay.
- [07:11]
A
I speak about my mom as well. But you're right, not as much as my dad. Because all of those interviews are usually about my profession.
- [07:19]
B
Right.
- [07:20]
A
My father introduced me to Larry King Live.
- [07:23]
B
Okay.
- [07:23]
A
And I was a child. I was. I was very young. And so my father will be seated in his favorite sofa, and I sit right in front of my father, and we are watching Larry King Live together. And I was very young. My mom is not. My mom reads, but she reads just the Bible, right? Yes. My mom reads only the Bible or something very spiritual. Those are the things my mom would read. I'm not too much a big fan of those books because then it's just one book. I read the Bible as well, but I want to read other things as well. And then my father also, because he would not allow me to go to the kitchen to help out. And so it was a hiding place for me. Yeah. My father would say things like, you've just come back from school. Why are you washing dishes? My dad didn't. And it was always a big issue between my dad and My mom, you know, because my dad felt that. And my father had only girls. We just have one brother. And my father felt that a girl could be anything, you know, she wanted to be. And my father said that if you grow up and you're able to read and understand, if you're going to prepare wache and the recipe is there, you will read the recipe. And understanding you can make the wache, you don't have to stay in the kitchen so many hours to learn how to prepare.
- [08:52]
B
That was your father's view.
- [08:52]
A
That was my father's view. So my. The feminism in me is from my father, because my father was a feminist. My father believed in women. He believed women made the world go round. But my father believed women had an integral role to play in society, and he was not one who was going to sit down and allow his daughter to be cleaning, washing, and not learning and not reading.
- [09:19]
B
Is the first child of your father a girl?
- [09:23]
A
Yes.
- [09:24]
B
Okay.
- [09:24]
A
And she loves to read.
- [09:26]
B
Okay.
- [09:26]
A
My. My sisters, all. They're all readers.
- [09:30]
B
I'm just trying to figure out how the home was because it looks like it's opposing views.
- [09:37]
A
Not necessarily. Not necessarily. No one was stopped from doing anything they wanted to do.
- [09:42]
B
Even Mom.
- [09:44]
A
Well, she had to understand because she understood what my father was trying to do. She understood that my father wanted his girl children to be educated, to be liberated, to be free to make their own choices and not to be conditioned by society, basically. And my mom understood because she had come from a society that conditioned her and made her believe certain things, things she had to unlearn once she married my father and realized that. Oh. Even though when I was growing up, it was like this, seeing my daughters do that is nice. It's fulfilling. It's rewarding for me. Yeah.
- [10:30]
B
I'm just trying to figure out, because I think I've kind of seen this. A lot of, you know, some of these men who, you know, a lot of girls, they.
- [10:43]
A
They.
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B
They really train them up differently.
- [10:45]
A
Yeah, that's how it's got to be. Yeah, that's how it's got to be. And my father actually had two male kids before he married my. My. My mom.
- [10:54]
B
Okay.
- [10:54]
A
And the two of them think just like my dad.
- [10:57]
B
Huh?
- [10:58]
A
They think just like my dad. Mark and Charles, they think just like my. My dad. They believe that having a girl or having a girl at home or having a girl daughter doesn't mean that she's restricted in the way she thinks. She's restricted in choices. She's restricted in opportunities. They don't think that way at all. So that's how my father brought all of us up to believe that we are equal. Men and women are equal, not biologically, but when it comes to opportunities, when it comes to work, when it comes to education, you do not put one gender ahead of the other. It doesn't work. And if it's working well, it doesn't work. I can't even say if it's working in some places because it doesn't work. You know, a liberated, well refined, exposed society is where men and women, boys and girls, have equal access to opportunities. Basically, that's what it is about.
- [12:01]
B
And for you, a woman should not be confined into at home kitchen if she decides.
- [12:08]
A
Do you understand?
- [12:09]
B
They should not be made to.
- [12:10]
A
Made to. If the woman. I respect women who have just made the decision that I've had two children, I want to stay at home for the next two to three years. It is their decision to make. Do you understand? Because they are happy with that decision. If a woman chooses to be a housewife, that is her decision. She wants to be a housewife, and she must be respected for it. But society should not tell her that because you have two, three children now and your husband is making so much money. Stop working and stay at home and take care of the home. Even when in so many instances the men are even comfortable with their wives working. But it is the. It is those on the. On the peripherals who are calling the shots because they think this is how a woman's life should be. Fortunately, we have come very far. A lot of these things are changing. But a woman's decision is hers to make. Don't make the decision for the woman just as much as you will make the decision for a man. You cannot say that because you have a male child and he's a male. He has to do a certain job because he's a man. Let him decide for himself. I have a male child. I have a son. My son has gone through so many phases. At some point he wanted to be a footballer. So whatever you want to do, at some point he says he wants to be a rapper. I said, if it makes you happy. In fact, he even shot a music video. He put it on YouTube. I knew he would come back to me and say, I don't want to do that again. But I respected it. I financed the video for him. Whatever he needed to do it, I did it for him because I want him to feel free to make his choices. And then he stopped. He said, I want to be a graphic designer. I said, okay, go ahead. He said, I want to come to your office sometimes and watch their graphic design. I said, feel free. Come. I know you. It will. It's. It will blow over. Eventually you would know what you want to do, you know. So he's gone through so many faces. He went to the university in the US Read business economics, second year. He comes back and said, I don't think I like business economics. I said, whatever you want to do, feel free, do it as long as I'm alive and I can take care of you, no problem. Then he went into it.
- [14:34]
B
But what if you are not around?
- [14:36]
A
Well, fortunately, I'm still around. And he's graduated and he's doing his masters now in artificial intelligence, you know, so he's moved through phases. And even if I wasn't around, I have grounded my son in a way that. My son is a very independent child. You remember that. I'm a single mother, and so I had to juggle between work and my personal life. Work and taking care of him. Right. And so at some point, he was a latchkey child. When he goes home, he knows where the food is, he knows where the fridge is, he knows where the chair is. He knows when to sleep. He's just a very independent boy. He can be on his own. And when he was going to university, I was very scared. But then I just thought to myself that you've done a good job raising this boy. Because sometimes I travel for two weeks, I'm not at home, and he's home all by himself. He's comfortable in his space. Right. And so the way I've trained him, even if I'm not around tomorrow, he will be fine. He will survive. He went to uni. He wanted to go to New York. And I said, new York? You have too many friends in New York. Find a different state where nobody is there so you can focus on your studies. He chose a state where he didn't know anybody and he's fine.
- [15:56]
B
So, yeah, this is really interesting.
- [15:59]
A
Yeah. How you bring up your child is very important.
- [16:01]
B
So I. My father was like. Because I was doing music, right? And then dad was like, kofi, I like the music. He actually supported me. But at the point he goes, I didn't know. So focus on your studies and become a pharmacist.
- [16:17]
A
Right. I.
- [16:20]
B
I thank him for that.
- [16:22]
A
You do? Yeah. But he was. That he was supportive.
- [16:26]
B
Don't you feel that sometimes when kids come to you and they're like, this is what I want to do, and you're like, Yep. Go ahead. This is what you want to do. And like, go ahead. It can delay their progress.
- [16:37]
A
No, it doesn't. It is called being adventurous. Let them experience life, right? Allow them to experience life. Allow them to go through it. And again, it is a different generation. Do you get it? It's a different generation. We have evolved so much that if today your child comes to tell you that I want to do music, you should support your child. If your child says, I want to play football, support your child. If your child decides to be a medical doctor, support your child. It wasn't happening 20 years ago. Now they even want to be content creators. They want to be content creators. Tiktokers. But are they happy? Absolutely. Yes. As long as your child is not doing anything illegal and your child is happy. Remember, it's the happiness of your child. Parents must stop imposing and superimposing what they wanted to be that they couldn't on their children. A lot of people want their children to be lawyers and pharmacists and doctors because it was a dream for them. They didn't achieve it. And so they want their children to be that in some cases. But that is not fair. Let the child experience life for themselves. If they make a mistake, it is part of growing up. If they hit a snag, they know it didn't go according to plan. But that's where you come in as a parent. You guide them that well. This is normal.
- [18:04]
B
If I take you back, your father definitely taught you independence.
- [18:10]
A
Yes.
- [18:12]
B
Is that the same thing you are giving to your child?
- [18:16]
A
Yes. When I told my father, my father wanted me to be a medical doctor, right? But I told my father that I want to be a TV presenter. And he said, well, let's see how it goes. But of course he knew that because he was giving me a lot of books to read, watching CNN with him. He knew where the inspiration was coming from. And again, my father is a big time consumer of tv or was a big time consumer. Sometimes I feel he's still alive. But he was such a big time consumer of tv, he wasn't too sure if I would make it on TV because he knew what my comfort zone was. And my comfort zone was science, you know, because I was good at it. I was really good at it in school. I got excellent grades. And so he thought his daughter was going to make a very excellent medical doctor. But I never even imagined myself as a doctor because I think that I would have been the most horrible doctor around because I do not have what it takes to Administer what these wonderful doctors do. I don't have the patience they have. I couldn't have done it. I would have studied it. I would have gotten excellent grades. But the practice of it would have been a disaster for me. But I knew what my safe space was and my father supported me. He supported me. Was he happy about it? Absolutely not. I could tell from his eyes that he wasn't happy about the trajectory I had taken. But the moment he saw me on TV the first time and I mentioned my name and he heard Anamoi, he just thought, medical school, right? So he was happy for me. But the independence my father gave me worked. And that's exactly what I'm giving to my son. And more, I allow him to make his choices. When he goes and he makes a disastrous mistake, he knows mommy is there, he knows my uncle is there, he knows my aunties are there. Because this is how they've all been brought up.
- [20:20]
B
Where does the balance come in?
- [20:22]
A
Balance of what?
- [20:22]
B
The balance of one parent giving you full independence and the other parent saying, you know, take it a bit slow, maybe not too fast.
- [20:34]
A
Well, who dictates how fast? Nobody who's checking how fast. It depends on the child you have. Some children are slow to peak, others are quick to peak, right? Some children, even though when you give them, even you at your age, you're doing this right, your father still gives you some guidance. You have conversations with your dad. Sometimes he will not directly try to advise you, but certain things he would say. When you go home in the middle of the night, in your heart of hearts, you ponder on these conversations and you know that, ah, this thing my father said or that thing my mother said holds true, right? So it is not. You don't control your child just because you're the one calling the shots.
- [21:27]
B
But like, what do you take as control, though, from a parent to a child?
- [21:31]
A
I know parents who are so stuck in their ways, even parents with young children, teenagers, that this is what my child is going to be. And that is what my child is going to be as far as I am the one paying school fees. That is not fair. That is not fair. And people don't understand why some children go wayward sometimes because if they are not getting, getting the support they need at home, they'll get the support from somewhere else. And the most dangerous thing you can do, Derek, is for your child to get guidance from a complete stranger, someone you have no control over. And so let your child be. I'm not saying that you should let your child go out, hang with bad company, do whatever they think is right for them. That's not what I'm saying. I'm not talking about bar training. I'm talking about allowing your child to be. To feel that I can make my mistakes and my parents will be there to help guide me. You shouldn't just be seen as a parent. You should be seen as a guide, a mentor.
- [22:42]
B
Isn't there a time for that? Isn't there different periods of a child's life where you want to be a friend, you want to be their parent?
- [22:52]
A
Be a friend. Be a friend from get go. Be your child's friend from get go. Your child should be comfortable talking to you about every and anything. Your child should be able to talk to you. So you must be a parent. You must be a child's parents, a child's friend, a child's go to. They know when they come and they tell you anything. You're not judging them. They make, make them comfortable around you.
- [23:22]
B
Let me stop you here for a minute. So if it's your first time watching Connected Minds or you have been here before but still have not subscribed, do us a favor because majority of the people that watch our videos have not subscribed. This doesn't help us grow beyond what we expect. So help us by hitting the subscribe button. Thank you. Now, let's get back to the conversation I have on my WhatsApp right now. I've got. I mean, it's not a memo, it's like. It's like a note. I don't know, it's very long of one of these young boys I work with. So he does a lot of my AI research. And the message was very interesting. You know, anytime I come around you, it's not because I don't have anything doing. But that is terrible at home, essentially.
- [24:14]
A
Why is it terrible?
- [24:15]
B
While you were speaking, I was just thinking about him and the message he sent. And I read it several times and I couldn't reply for two days.
- [24:22]
A
Right.
- [24:23]
B
Because he has seen a new interest. He wants to do AI stuff. He wants to work part time for me while still in school and I got him another job online. But the parents don't get it.
- [24:38]
A
Why not? Why aren't they getting it?
- [24:41]
B
And it's troubling the child.
- [24:45]
A
Do you see? Now he's, now he's talking to you. His parents don't know you. He's talking to you. Ideally, if he's unhappy with something, he should be able to open up to his parents. But parents should not put a wedge between them and their children. I've seen children who have gone wayward. You know, my son had friends when he was growing up. He went to school with them. I've seen how some of these children have ended up. I mean, it's not the end of their life. They're still very young. But the way they've gone could have been avoided if the parents were present. You have to be present. Do you, do you get it? You need to be present in your child's life at every point. Look, my son will sit for an exam, it doesn't go well. And he's scratching his hair and going, eh, we had a surprise test today and I just know from the way he's going that it didn't go well. And I said, uh huh, how did it go? He said, well, not too good. I said, but why didn't you prepare? He said, nobody prepares for surprises. I didn't know there was going to be a surprise test, you know, and then we laugh over it, you know, but the lesson here is that you must always be prepared because that's why it's a surprise test. You've read your curriculum, you know, on certain days there will be surprise test. You should be ready for everything that comes your way. But I didn't judge him because he didn't do well in the exam. Of course I will rebuke him that you should have done better because the previous term you did better. You know, just prepare more, study more, focus more. And the next time he would, because he believes that when he comes back to his parent or her parents, they're not going to judge him or her, they're not going to rebuild. I mean, it's okay to rebuke your child, but don't overdo it, you know, find a middle ground. Yes, he didn't do well here, but he's done well there. So why are you focused only on the negative? Just as you rebuke him, praise him as well. Then he knows that, oh, when I do the good things, my parents notice. When I do wrong, they notice as well. But there are parents who are just taking the piss. They're just always looking for the faults, you know, that's not fair to children.
- [27:13]
B
I tell you what, I still haven't been able to reply to this young boy.
- [27:15]
A
You should.
- [27:17]
B
I will. He was here yesterday. We had a great chat. Yeah, and normally he would leave at.
- [27:21]
A
3Pm, but he stayed longer.
- [27:23]
B
Yesterday he was here up until seven.
- [27:27]
A
He's comfortable.
- [27:28]
B
When I was leaving, I was like yo, you're still here.
- [27:32]
A
He's comfortable because you are present. Do you understand? You are present. You noticed him, that he has stayed longer than usual. You notice them. Sometimes people are not looking for handouts. All they need is to be noticed, to be recognized. When you said, hey, you are still here, do you know how it made him feel? He will feel good about it because at home he's not noticed. No one is present.
- [28:02]
B
Do you think parents don't take the time to understand their kids?
- [28:05]
A
Well, again, things have changed because now every parent is busy making money. The parents have their regular jobs and they have side hustles. They have side hustles. And you have parents who think that what you need to provide right now is money for the child to have enough to eat, clothes to wear, to go to school. But that's not all it takes.
- [28:29]
B
Take me through it.
- [28:30]
A
You must make time to talk to your children, understand their day, understand who their friends are. In my son's case, I always told him to invite his friends over because without knowing, I needed to hear the kind of conversations they have. I needed to understand the personalities of the friends he hangs out with. I just needed to understand their psyche. So I said, invite. And my friends, sons were always happy. My friends, my son's friends were always happy coming home because they know when they come, I will sit with them. In fact, they introduced me to hip hop, you know, they introduced me to hip hop, you know, they'll be rapping and I'll be there. We're cooking, we're having fun. And they, they never ever called me auntie. They either call me Nanaba or they call me Ro because my English name is Rosemon. So they shorten it to Ro. None of them ever said, hello, Aunt comfortable. Even without my son's permission, some would call me auntie, can I come and spend the weekend at your house? I said, yeah, why not? Come be comfortable, you know, because these children are comfortable. Some would even say, auntie, I want to come to your house this Saturday. Can you call my father or my mother and tell them that you want me to come? And I'll tell their parents that your child should be able to tell you that I'm going to Nanaba's house on Saturday to spend time with her son? They should be comfortable telling you, is it fear?
- [30:01]
B
Do some parents put fear in the kids?
- [30:04]
A
Basically fear and not being present. It's either fear or just not being present or not caring. I mean, every parent cares about their child, but you should be concerned about what Your child wants to do what your child is not doing. Because sometimes some parents are surprised. They get surprised their child will do something very wonderful and they are shocked that their child was able to do it. How do you not know that your child can do that?
- [30:36]
B
Right?
- [30:37]
A
You should know your child's abilities and capabilities. And so when your child is falling short, you should know something is going wrong somewhere. So time to have a conversation with them.
- [30:49]
B
This is a full time job.
- [30:51]
A
It is not. It is fun. It is a fun job because you have decided to be responsible for another human being. So your responsibility is not just financial. Your responsibility is financial, is emotional, it is mental. You have to be present at all times. Your son, your daughter in her 18s, 19s 20s should be able to tell you that, oh, there's this guy I'm talking to or there's this girl I'm talking to. They should be able to, they should be able to tell you, all right? Because if your daughter is not comfortable. And I have a friend's daughter, a girl, she's now 22 years old. When she was 18, she called me. She was upset, she was crying, says she wants to come and see me immediately. I thought of calling her mother to tell her that your daughter wants to come and see me now. Just when I was dialing her mom's house number, she called back and said, auntie, please don't tell my mom that I'm, I'm coming to see you. And I thought anyway. So I called the mother. Indeed, I didn't tell her that your daughter was coming to, but I called them. I said, is everything okay? How's your daughters? Oh yeah, she's at home. I left her at home. She was there watching tv. I said, okay. So the girl came to see me. Guess what? This is a. An 18 year old girl who had gone to try whatever she had to try with a boy. And as she was talking, I could just tell that that conversation has not been had with her. You know about boys. She's not had that conversation. Now she's scared because she thinks she's pregnant. She has not been spoken to about protection. But this conversation must be had with her parents. Parents must have this conversation with their children.
- [32:43]
B
So you do your parents have this conversation with you?
- [32:47]
A
Of course.
- [32:48]
B
I see.
- [32:49]
A
Of course. Of course they did. Of course they did. I knew the consequences. Look, at a young age, you must know that every action has a consequence. Every action you take has a consequence. For instance, I'll give you a typical example. When I got pregnant and I got pregnant at a very young age. I knew the only person who would have problems with me being pregnant at that age would be my mother. Because my mother is very religious and very spiritual. And so she's thinking, oh, You've committed the biggest sin in the world. So for me, my headache was my mom, right, and not my father. When my mom hurriedly went to tell my dad, my dad said, but I know, I know. And my mom was like, but why haven't you talked about it? And he said, because I knew what you would do. You get into panic mode. But again, she's pregnant. She's going to give birth to a human being. What's the big deal? What's the problem? There's nothing wrong with it, right? There is not that. That was my father's posture. And my father told me that the fact that you're pregnant now doesn't mean your life comes to an end. And when you deliver, you are going back to whatever you want to do. And I did it. Do you get it? Because. And another reason I don't talk about having a child at a very young age is that sometimes after talking about I go into my DM and a lot of young people, oh, if you were able to do it, then I can do it too. No, don't go and get pregnant at 18 or 19 or 20. It was my mistake that I made at the time.
- [34:35]
B
Well, I mean, at the time, it was a mistake at the time.
- [34:37]
A
I mean, at the time, it was not planned, right? It was not planned, yeah. No. But I have a wonderful son from it. I love, totally adore my son, but it should not be the inspiration for anybody because I had to sacrifice a lot when my friends were busy hanging out, having fun. I was being a mother. I was being a mother. So I really didn't enjoy my 19s and my 20s like my age mates did. Because at that time, you're not going to the university, you are exploring things. I. I didn't get that.
- [35:16]
B
You know, your father really helped you build some sort of unstoppable confidence.
- [35:21]
A
Yes, yes. When people say I'm confident, well, I'm not a particular. You know, again, I always try to correct this. People associate me with so much confidence. It is not entirely true.
- [35:33]
B
What is it?
- [35:34]
A
I have. I have a psychological condition called the imposter syndrome. Yeah, I have the imposter syndrome, but I know how to weave my way out of the imposter syndrome. Okay. When good things happen to me, I sit down and I'm doubting why this Good thing has happened to me. So that's the first phase of my imposter syndrome. I always doubt myself. Right? The first stage of it. For instance, if you had reached out and said, oh, Nanaba, I want you on my podcast because I want to talk about ABCD with you. The first thing I will say when my team tells me, why me? Because at that point there's an imposter syndrome for me. I'm. I'm wondering why you want me and not hair him. That this. Why me? Okay, so I'm not exactly a confident person. I'm only, I'm building a point now from the important when I realized that, oh, I am Nana Aba na more. I've done abcd. Then I go from the self doubt to arrogance, that if not me, then I'm Nanaba. Okay, so I mean, why would Derek talk to anybody else and not me? What does he mean? I'm not available or I'll be available? That's where the arrogance comes in. Okay, so I go through three stages. Then from that arrogance I come to humility. And this happens every time, Every single time. From your media journey, every single time. I go through these three, three stages.
- [37:21]
B
The people around you, how do they take that?
- [37:24]
A
They don't know. They don't know because these are things I do to myself. And I'm very self deprecating as well. People don't know that, but I'm self deprecating. You know, I, I criticize myself a lot. I abuse myself a lot. I insult myself. So if I step out and you, Derek, you insult me. You are a mere mortal to me. You are, you're. You don't mean anything to me because whatever you are saying to me, I probably said worse to myself. Do you get it? So there is absolutely nobody who can, Nobody can bring me down. Nobody, nothing can bring me down.
- [38:03]
B
If you pause for a second and look, by the way, I'm enjoying this conversation. I'm enjoying it. If you really think through your life when you were young, where did that come from?
- [38:14]
A
Books. Huh? Books. I've read Magdalene Albright's book. I've read Roosevelt's memoir. I've read books. I've read books. And I say to myself, these were greats. They had plans. Some of them didn't have plans. They got into it by accident. Things happened to them, but they persevered. They persevered, but they are human beings. They have the same number of hours in a day, just like me. They have the same organs as me, so why not me? And so it's just the books that I read that have inspired me, okay? That have inspired me. And so there is nothing you, Derek, can say to me that will bring my spirit down. And so sometimes when people are on social media discussing me and people come in, Nanab, are you okay? I haven't even seen what they're saying because I don't see it. I don't pay attention. I don't lose sleep over the opinions of people I think shouldn't really be discussing my life because I've discussed myself. I know what I'm capable of doing. I know what I'm incapable of doing. And so if Derek, you have some friends you sit with and you are busily discussing Nanaba and you think you're saying the worst things about me and it's going to bring my spirit down, you actually egg me on. You egg me on because I thrive. I thrive. You can't bring my spirit down. The only person who can bring my spirit down is me. And I go through that every day. This morning when I woke up, I got a message from a Rwandan, a Rwandan. One Rwandan minister who said, oh, I heard about Women of Valor, and I want to attend Women of Valor in March. And I'm thinking, whoa, Rwanda. How did they know? Oh, my God. Maybe somebody in my. My team mentioned it to her, or somebody has gone to tell her something about me. What does this woman want? And I'm thinking, ah, but I've been promoting this thing. I've done it. This is the fourth year, so, I mean, it's not a big deal if she knows, right? And then I get into. That's the arrogance.
- [40:42]
B
But no, no, no, this is.
- [40:44]
A
It's.
- [40:44]
B
It's. You know yourself.
- [40:45]
A
I know myself. No, I know myself too well. And so. And my friends know that I don't care about certain things. For instance, Sewa, when you go and tell Sewa something about Nanaba, thinking that another. Okay, someone will tell you another, doesn't pay attention to nonsense. And I really don't pay attention to nonsense. I. I don't.
- [41:05]
B
Let's look at how it appears.
- [41:08]
A
How does it appear?
- [41:10]
B
I mean.
- [41:10]
A
I mean, because I really don't care how it appears. That's the thing, you know, if you sit down and you think, oh, this is. This girl is so full of herself.
- [41:21]
B
Yeah.
- [41:22]
A
Oh, absolutely. Yes, I am. Oh, absolutely, I am. If that's what you believe, take it and run with it. If you think, oh, Nanaba is so sweet, she's so intelligent, she's so Kind absolutely. Run with it because that's what makes you happy. I am not in the business of correcting anybody's view of me. And so when you say that another is rude, I say, yeah, it is true. I'm not going to tell you. Oh, I don't even know why people say I'm rude, though. Because me, I'm a very nice person. No, I don't say that. So when people meet me and they experience something else and they say, oh, people say you are rude. I said to them, it is true. You just met a different version today. Maybe one day you meet that part. I'm not going to try and cajole you to like me because I really do not care if you like me or not. I do what makes me happy.
- [42:18]
B
I love it.
- [42:19]
A
Yeah, I do what makes me happy.
- [42:22]
B
You've been empowering women.
- [42:26]
A
Women are men, actually. Except that I'm a feminist. I'm a feminist, so I'll put women first. But it's not just women that I empower. I empower men, too. I have. I've had issues with men who don't have confidence. And I have to sit down, do pep talks with them, guide them, do.
- [42:48]
B
This, don't do it cultural that. Let's say you take the average young Ghanaian. Is it cultural that they don't. They naturally don't have the confidence?
- [42:59]
A
No.
- [43:00]
B
Okay.
- [43:01]
A
You know when people say that Ghanaians are timid, I disagree. Ghanaians are not timid. Ghanaians are overly nice. They are just too nice. Ghanaians don't like offending people to their face.
- [43:17]
B
Okay.
- [43:18]
A
All right.
- [43:18]
B
Yeah.
- [43:19]
A
I'm not going to call it hypocrisy, but they are just very nice people. You're wearing a shirt that is absolutely hideous. And the Ghanaian will not tell you, oh, Because they play nice in their hearts of heart. They know, but they don't want you to look bad. They don't want you to feel bad. It's the reason when we are even saying good morning, we want to add, please, because we are overly polite, we are overly nice. No one should confuse that as timidity, because Ghanaians are not timid. When they really need to rally behind something they do fearlessly, they do. So no one is timid. No Ghanaian is timid. And I disagree completely. When a child is growing up, you are taught respect. You are taught to be polite. Don't start a sentence without using your magic word. Please end a sentence with your magic word. Thank you. When somebody does good, say thank you. That's how we are Brought up. It doesn't mean they are timid. They are just very respectful. But do not try to disrespect the Ghanaian. You will see the real Ghanaian. And so it is not true when people say that culturally we are timid. We are not timid. We're just very nice. We're just very polite. We're very respectful. Sometimes too respectful for my liking. Okay? Too respectful because I like it when people disagree with others. You know, disagree. Be. Be confident enough to disagree with people. But because we are too nice, we don't want you to look bad because, oh, what Derek is saying is absolutely rubbish. But they can't say what you're saying. Okay, well, I guess that's why a.
- [45:21]
B
Lot of people do it online.
- [45:22]
A
Right?
- [45:22]
B
So they will say it online. They hide behind anonymous accounts and do a lot of funny stuff.
- [45:28]
A
Exactly, exactly.
- [45:31]
B
So let's really look at that young girl that is looking at you right now thinking, my God, I just love the way she speaks. I love how it all comes out. What are you going to tell them?
- [45:43]
A
Well, I tell them a whole lot of things. The first one is to be yourself. Because you can't be anybody else. You can't be anything else. You've got to be yourself. You need to be true to yourself. You need to be authentic. Okay? You've got to be authentic. And. Every day people will say when they advise you, take it. But some pieces of advice are absolutely balderdash. They are just nonsense advice. But if you're a young girl, you must have a proper guide behind you. It is your parent who is ready to listen to you, or your pastor who is ready to listen to you, your uncle. Human beings who will not take advantage of you, like proper human beings who will not take advantage of you because you are a young girl coming up and you are beginning to develop breasts and your hips are enlarging a bit. And so the man wants to take advantage of you. Not those kind of human beings. And when you've come across anybody like that, be confident enough to tell them that I do not subscribe to that and go and report them. If it's not your father you're reporting to, there is. Or your mother, there is a person who would listen to you when you come.
- [47:11]
B
And even if it's coming from home, find somebody to report, because sometimes.
- [47:14]
A
Absolutely. Let me tell you what happened. With the first edition of Women of Valor, we had Eugenia. Eugenia came to share her story of how she was taking advantage of this child. She was defiled. Her Father's friends. Her father's friends. Who would come to the house. Yeah, who would come to the house.
- [47:36]
B
Wow.
- [47:37]
A
You know, pretending. Hey, you know how. Well, these men. Hey, what's the same. That kind of thing. That is a red flag. Men who do that to children, little girls, it's a red flag. Okay. But they did that to her. But fortunately, Eugenia is a fighter. Eugenia has been able to overcome it. She just didn't stop there. She set up an organization called Safe Space. The Safe Space. And that's what she does, you know, advocating better protection for girls. Now, Eugenia shared her story. And after the story, there were so many girls. I mean, the whole room broke down. We were all crying, you know, and her mother was there. Her mother was hearing the story for the first time. Yeah. And her mother cried so much. Okay. Yeah. But there was a girl in the crowd. People share their stories. There was a girl in the crowd who could not speak up because she was going through it. And so after the event, she came to me and said, nanaba, can I talk to you, Derek? I was so exhausted. I was really tired. And I had been speaking to so many people that day because there were over 200 women in attendance. And I said to her, you know what? Not today, not now. Because that's another thing that I know how to do. I know how to say no. I say no because my spirit says no. I'm tired, and I will say no. And people. And so for the young girl, you should know when to say no. Be confident to say no, because you are not ready for this. And don't do it. Don't say yes when you know very well that you're actual answer is, I know. So I told. I told this lady that, my love, not today, not now. I am exhausted. But this is what I will do. Take my number. And I don't ordinarily give my number out. So I said, take my number. Call me. And as I was saying, take my number and call me. I saw tears running down her cheeks. And I said to her, if you're crying because I don't have the time to talk to you right now, then go ahead and cry more, because I don't have the time. But if you're crying because of why you want to talk to me, call me. Tomorrow, I'll be well rested, and my brain will work well, my brain will work better because as I'm talking to you right now, everything I'm saying is nonsense. I'm tired. So she said, okay. So when I Said that she thought I was joking, but I meant it as she laughed, you know, she went away the next day, 7aM she sent to me a TikTok. This is the girl who wanted to talk to me. I said, okay. So I called her, where are you? She's at Afenia and she wants to see me. I say, yeah, come home. I'm home. Come and see me. So she came over. It took her about three hours to get. To get to me. Of course, she was coming from Afena. She was stuck in traffic. But she came to see me. And when she walked into my living room and she sat down and I offered her water and she gulped everything down, I just thought, today is going to be a long day because this girl is going to unload. So she started talking. So I thought it was. But it didn't turn out to be a long day. It was a very short day. Her father, her biological father, had been sleeping with her for five years. Yes. And she lives at home with her mother. In the middle of the night, her mother goes to tell her, oh my God. Yeah, yeah. And this is a young girl. This is a young girl. This is a young girl. At the time, she was 21. And I asked her, what do you want to do? She says, I want to be free. I want this to stop. I'm not happy. And she doesn't have a job, so she cannot go and rent a place. It's not possible. So I asked her again, what do you want to do? And before she answered, I said, don't answer now. Go home and think about it. I'm not going to give you options. I'm not going to tell you what to do. Go and think about it. If you come to me and you say, nanab, I want to leave home and you are an adult, you're 21. I'll find you a place to live. If you say, I want to go back to school, I'll make sure you go back to school. Whatever you want to do, but go and think about it and get back to me. But before she left, I said, give me your mother's number. Because I needed to verify the story. So I called the mom and I said, this is. Oh, program now. Yeah. Anyway, the usual other night, I said, your daughter came to see me. She cried bitterly.
- [52:35]
B
That's the reason.
- [52:36]
A
So do you see the position the woman finds herself in? The woman is thinking about where she would go and live with her child without realizing that her child is being harmed at home. But of course, what are her Options. Where would she go? Really? Where would she go? Because this is not a woman who has a job. She's not empowered, she's not liberated. She's just there. Do you understand? So the woman said, Then I got the girl out of Afena, got her a place in Newtown. I mean, under the circumstances, I couldn't, I, I can't put her in East Lagoon or Cantonment or any of those places. So I said, go and, go and look for a place. So she went around, came up with three places. And I thought the Newtown one was better and softer on my pocket. So I said, okay. And she said, I want to go back to school too. She was at Accra Technical University. I said, go back to. She's graduated, she's working now. Yes, she's graduated, she's working now.
- [53:49]
B
Let me stop you here for a minute. So if it's your first time watching Connected Minds or you have been here before but still have not subscribed, do us a favor, because majority of the people that watch our videos have not subscribed. This doesn't help us grow beyond what we expect. So help us by hitting the subscribe button. Thank you. Now let's get back to the conversation. And these are some of the reasons why you started Women of Valor.
- [54:17]
A
Absolutely. Because women have to be there for women. Women must make time for women. When people say women are their own enemies, it is absolutely rubbish. It is not true. There are men who are picking guns and killing men. Nobody has said men are their own enemies. The problems in this world are caused by men. The wars in Ukraine, the war in Gaza, the war anywhere started by men, not women, not women, men. And more men are dying. Has anybody said men are their own enemies? Men in Ghana, some men pick up guns, armed robbers, they go to homes, they kill men, they shoot them, they maim them. Who has said men are their own enemies? So this line about women being their own enemy, it's just a detraction for men. Some men, I mean, I've met men, I've met men who are feminists, but it's an agenda, you know, it's an agenda. But I know women who have been there for women. I know women who are somewhere and they're protecting themselves. They don't want problems, so they keep the women at arm's length. Do you get it? Because they have to take certain decisions that are self beneficial, Right? But I want to be able to change that, that you need to damn the consequences and be there for another person. Because if you can't Be there for somebody else. Then what is your purpose in this world?
- [55:50]
B
Is it also because somebody was there for you?
- [55:52]
A
Yes, Because I don't know where I would have been with my media career if people had not taken a chance on me. Because people took a chance on me. Let me tell you, when I left senior high school, got pregnant, and so I put university on hold because I was pregnant. I had to deliver. I delivered. I was watching GBC one day, and they said they were doing an audition. And I thought, yay, I want to go for this audition. Because the dream is to be on tv, but also the dream is to meet Barbara Sum, who later became Barbara Ghazi. I love to meet her because she's inspired me so much. And she was the only woman I adored on Ghanaian TV at the time. And I put her on the same pedestal as Kristen Amanpour and all those women I was watching on CNN and PBS and NBC. I put her at par with them. I loved her so much. I wrote to her. I wrote letters to Barbara, hoping she would respond. She never did. But I understand that because I get a lot of letters that I don't respond to now. But I went to gbc. My father took me to gbc. My father took me there, and I said, I mean, there's an audition, but for me, I really want to see Barbara. So I got to GBC and there were over 2,000 people. They came from all over the country to come and audition. So I saw the crowd, and I'm thinking, this is not for me. I'm never going to get it again. Imposter syndrome. Yeah, imposter syndrome. I just look at the crowd like, I'm never going to get in. This is not for me. They already know who they're going to put on tv. So let me just go and look for Barbara Sam. So I asked the security and anybody else that I met that where can I find Barbara Sam? So she's at tv, and it was a long walk, so I had to walk all the way to the TV side. I got then, to my disappointment, she had traveled. She was on leave. She had gone to Italy at the time, so I didn't meet her. But I remember when I walked into that newsroom looking for Barbara and there were more women in that room. I scanned across, and I'm thinking, oh, this is safe. There are more women here. It means that one day, if I decide to come here, I'll be accepted. So this was my thinking. All right, Now, I left that newsroom disappointed because I Didn't see Barbara some because I had planned to take pictures, tell her how much I adore her. I bought some of the letters I had written for her to. To read. And I didn't see her now on my way to the audition grounds, I saw an elderly man holding a book. And immediately I could tell what book it was. It was Pilgrim's Progress. And so I asked him, excuse me, how old are you? And he was shocked to see this little girl asking of his age. And he thought, are you talking to me? And I say, yeah, yeah, yeah, how old are you? Because I want to understand why at your age, you are now reading this book, huh? Because when I read this book, I was 8. And he looked at the book again, looked at me, and he asked a simple question. What is the book about? Oh, I'm a chatterbox when you ask me about books. So I went on and on and on and I asked him, have you stopped finished reading? He said no. So I gave him an. It was an anti climax. I told him how the book was, was going to end. He was disappointed because that's what the ending he was looking out for. But he went, why are you here? Do you have a parent here? And I said no. I came for the audition. I said, but have you tried to audition? I said no, because there are too many people and they are all old and I'm too young. I don't think I will get it. And it was Charlie Sum. Charlie Sum was a director of tele. A director of radio at the time. And I had no idea who Charlie sang was. So he said, let's go to my office. So I followed him. We went to his office. He had a stack of books. I was so excited when I saw the books. And we sat there and we talked, we talked about current affairs. And he was stunned. And he said, you don't have to go for the audition. You are going to work at gbc. Wow. Yeah. So I never auditioned at gbc. I never did the audition. But I was picked.
- [60:07]
B
Lovely.
- [60:08]
A
Yeah, I was picked. So it was a man who came through for me anyway, so that was Charlie first. Then I started radio and I realized I don't like radio. I like TV because I want to be seen. Why do I have to be sitting in a cubicle behind the microphone? That's not me. So I want to go to TV and see if I can meet people and talk to them and explore. I spoke to five women. Five. They were all flippant. Nobody gave me their time of day. Not a Single. And it wasn't a day. I kept going and going and going and no one, no one cared. No one thought, this is a girl who has dreams, even if she cannot achieve the dreams, let's just engage her, let her still believe that it can be one day. Maybe not now, but I never got that from any of them. Then I met Air Lankra. I met Alancra by accident on the corridor. He was going into the TV studio. So because I'm little, I just sneaked into the studio and I watched Elamkra do his presentation. And I was awed because it was my first time in a TV studio. I was awed by it. And when he came out, he noticed me. He said, hey, aren't you the girl on the radio? Because I see you all the time with your friends. I said, yeah. And I said, but I want to do tv. And he laughed. He said, okay, if you want to do tv, why not? I'll train you.
- [61:39]
B
That was it.
- [61:39]
A
That was it. And L took me under his wings, right? Yeah. And every day he will make sure he'll come to radio check on me before I go on radio, look at my playlist, look at what I'll be saying. You said, no, this tense is wrong. Instead of this word, use that word. And this was elankra. He had no business to doing that for me, but he was there for me. He cared for me.
- [62:05]
B
Wow.
- [62:06]
A
Yes.
- [62:06]
B
So you. So you naturally feel like because people have been there for you, you want to be there for other people.
- [62:13]
A
Yeah, but also. But like I was saying that it's been men all the time, but I met two women who have been fantastic. Emma Morrison. Emma Morrison. That woman is a goddess. Emma was there from beginning to end. Emma will rebuke me because she has to rebuke me. She doesn't care if she has to do it publicly, she would. But she was there because she didn't want me to make mistakes she made. And that is all I've been looking for. And then I have to give it up, give it a big cheer to Gifty Auntie Oyeneyori. You know, Gifty wasn't there for me professionally. But you know what Gifty will do when she closes from GTV and she's going home? She looks out for me to give me a lift because she thought I was a little girl. And the time I close, I shouldn't be on my own walking to the junction. So she will make a conscious effort to look for me, put me in her red little car and drop me off at a safe place, make sure I am getting into a car before she leaves. And she said, when you get home, let me. No. And so Gifty was there as well, even without knowing that she was there. But I adored her for that because it was the first time two women have gone out of their way to, to. To care, to protect me. Women who were not from my family. And so when I was going through my career, I just thought, this will not happen with me. I will make sure that every step of the way, I'm bringing another woman along. I'm bringing somebody along. And I did it. My father always said that I'm an opportunist. It's true. I'm a big opportunist. If I'm not getting anything from the friendship. No, no, no, no, no. If I'm not getting anything from the friendship, trust me, it's, it's. It's useless to me. And so I make friends because I know there is something you have that I would like. Okay, yes. For instance, when I went into The Newsroom or TV3 and I met Emma Morrison, she was the best TV news anchor in Ghana. And I made it my plan to be this close to her, skin to skin with her, because I will learn from her. And I'm not a very serviceable person. I don't know how to serve. But if I need something from you, trust me, I will serve you with my blood and my energy. And so, Emma, I will go out of my way. So it was more of ingratiation, you know, I would ingratiate myself into your life. Ms. Modu, what are you having for lunch today? Ms. Mo, have you eaten? Ms. Modi, should I get you water? I was constantly in her face. So much so that she had to realize that this girl wants to be close to me. She could have pushed me away, but she didn't. She brought me along and she would say, oh, this bulletin, I won't be available, but do it right, but not the prime time. But my aim was to share the prime time spot with her. She didn't know that, but that was my objective, that if Emma is doing Monday to Friday, they have to give me Thursday and Friday ever should do Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. So I constantly learned from her. I would learn. Then I saw Ms. Weaknesses and I didn't tell her that. Oh, Ms. I think if you do this, it will be good. I made that my strength. I perfected it. On the day I went on tv and she saw me, she said, oh, but I think you should Put her on the roster as well for the prime time. I said yes.
- [65:59]
B
I did it go what you wanted.
- [66:01]
A
That's what I wanted. That's what. So I know what I want and I know how to get it. I know I'm a chaser, I'm a fighter, and I don't care if anybody says, oh, yes, that's what I call negotiation. It was deliberate because I knew what, what I wanted at the end of the day. And I don't care what you say. If you sit down and say, oh, nanaba opportunities, you don't have to say it. That was my plan. So why are you saying it like it's news to me? News splash. It's me. I knew what I was doing. I just knew. Yeah. So Emma understood the assignment. Emma didn't care. I'm sure at some point she knew, she knew that this girl. But she couldn't be bothered because for Emma, the more women, the better. Okay, yes. That is Ms. Mo. So when she became, when she was in charge of the newsroom, you could tell from her recruitments she was recruiting more women. She was giving more women opportunities for big assignments. And you would think that, oh, maybe because someone likes you, that's why she's giving. But you realize it's not just the people she likes, it's the people she hasn't even really engaged with. She's just giving you the opportunity to see what you can do, you know, and I completely adored her for that.
- [67:25]
B
Do you. Do you think there's a lot of societal pressure on young girls and women in general?
- [67:33]
A
I can't. Well, I can speak from just what people have told me because personally, I do not know.
- [67:42]
B
How about what you see around what I see?
- [67:45]
A
Well, I think people, some of the pressure is self imposed.
- [67:53]
B
Okay, love it.
- [67:55]
A
Some of the pressure can be avoided. You don't have to believe everything you see. Right. But you realize that people are so addicted to the successes of others and they're thinking, Chart your own path. Really, you need to chart your own path and you need to know what you want to do. Focus on what you want to do and stop paying attention to what others are doing. You can be inspired by them, but be authentic. Do not copy. The fact that Derek is wearing a white shirt and he looks good on him doesn't mean a white shirt will look good on me. I may look very pale in a white shirt. It will probably make me look really ugly. But don't buy pressure for yourself. When you are 23 years old or 25 years old and you are not employed. Don't think your life is coming to an end. And so you want to end it. You want to commit suicide because life's pressures are getting to you. When you graduate from the university and everybody expected you to get a first class, and you didn't. I mean, I didn't get first class.
- [69:13]
B
Neither did I, exactly.
- [69:15]
A
But it's okay if you get a first class. I mean, it's wonderful. My son got a first class and I respected my son because I couldn't have. I couldn't have landed a first class. It wasn't possible. But it hasn't stopped me from being what I want to be. So a lot of the pressure, people are watching, but also the pressure comes from society. Because you find a young girl who's 28 years old and you're thinking, huh? Or a man who is 35 and they're going, but the man is not ready. The girl is not ready. But there is so much pressure that the man will go and borrow. He'll go and take a loan from a wedding. And even after their wedding, two years into the marriage, they're still paying off things they use for the wedding. A young girl at 28, she's just found a job trying to figure out life because, you know, you really never know what you want to do. There are people who are now discovering themselves in their 50s. People wait till 61, then they discover that, oh, this is actually what I want to do. But there is so much pressure from society that at a certain age you should be married. At a certain age you should have a child. And they remind women of their. Their body clock that at some point you cannot. Science has advanced so much. People are freezing their eggs.
- [70:41]
B
So those that have the money, isn't it?
- [70:43]
A
Yeah, those that have the money. But even if you don't have the money, right? If you don't have the money when you have a child now, who's going to take care of the child? Because the decisions you make cannot be emergencies for me. If you have a child and you cannot take care of your child, don't think that because you've had the child anyway and according to you. But do not think that your problem becomes my responsibility. And that is why I get upset when people feel they are entitled to other people's money. People judge what other people do with their money. I see very wealthy people engage in a certain lifestyle and somebody will sit somewhere and say, sasikawe, you could have taken care of 15 children. I mean, how dare you? That is his or her money. He decides what he or she wants to do with their money. If you go and have a child today and you are not ready to have a child, find a way, but don't think that you are entitled to anybody's money. So the pressure, really, sometimes it's not so much there, but it's the actions we take, the decisions we take, if we allow the pressure to get to us. And at 28, you are not ready to get married. At 28, as a man, you don't have your life figured out and you are going to go into a relationship, settle down, have another human being to take care of. You are not ready. Look, Derek, for the rest of your life, you'll be depressed every day because you will see your friend Derek, who was your classmate, doing his podcast, practicing his pharmacy, able to buy his car, able to buy a house, and you are wondering, what's happening to me? It will send you into depression. And so we must be able to share our experiences and our stories for people to know that the pressure we felt 25 years ago should not be felt today. The children of today should not go through what we went through, the pressures we had when we were growing up, that at this age you must marry. At this age, have a child. At this age you must have your car. Who says that to anybody? Do you know what they're doing with their money? Do you know what other responsibilities they have? But don't make your life's clock somebody's clock. Because, I mean, I don't wear rose watches for a reason. But don't put anybody in a, in a certain hole and think that because I did this at this age, you should be doing that. It's not fair, you know, it's not fair to anybody. So the pressure is there. Some of it, people allow the pressure to get to them. Some of them, they just buy the pressure because they've seen Sewa me here on social media, looking very good, wearing this dress, and they think, ah, Sewa Tariwe, no matter what. But a lot of the time, Sewa didn't buy the dress. Do you get it? I mean, I don't buy, I don't buy clothes. If I buy a dress, then there must be something very spectacular about the dress. Or I've seen a young lady starting a brand and I want to support, support, so I will buy. But ordinarily, I have designers in Ghana who will say, I wear this dress for me, including this, somebody made it and said, oh, Nanaba, I want you to wear it one of these days, you know, so you post it and tag me. But I haven't bought this dress. So when you see me wearing it, don't go and look for money to go and buy because Nanaba wore it. Whatever you have, make do with it. And just know that in five years, in two years, I'll be at that level too, based on the decisions and the actions I take today. So don't go and buy pressure for yourself and don't allow the existing pressure to get to you. Because as they say in tree. Is that what they say? They changed it. What do they say? It's not J.
- [75:08]
B
You've changed it. You know, there's an aspect of you which is what I figured out in this conversation. Nana would not let anybody put her in a box.
- [75:16]
A
Never.
- [75:17]
B
And by allowing yourself to be put in a box, you are limiting your potential.
- [75:22]
A
Absolutely. You're not just limiting your potential, you are allowing people to control you, to control your narrative. You can't control anybody's narrative. It's, it's. It. I don't know how that can ever happen to me. It can't. It's not possible. For instance, if I walk into a place and you invited me and I even need a favor from you, and I've gone into meetings where I really needed a favor from the people, I show up. The meeting is at 9, 9:15. The maximum I will wait is 45 minutes. 30 to 45 minutes, 9:30, you not there. I need a favor from you, but I'm out. I will leave. I will not sit for hours because you think I'm at your beck and call. I will go away because I find that disrespectful. Very disrespectful. Do you understand?
- [76:19]
B
Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do.
- [76:21]
A
The fact that I. I need you doesn't mean you can disrespect me. You can disrespect me.
- [76:26]
B
I get it.
- [76:27]
A
I won't. I won't do that. I won't. Because I respect people. When you say three o', clock, by 2:45, I am there because I respect you. And that's where respect starts from. From being on time. People don't get it. But when you are consistently late, you are just very disrespectful to other people. Especially when it's important. I mean, if it's friends just going to sit down and have drinks and people show up late. I mean, it was not an emergency. But if it's important, meetings, for instance, I had to conduct interviews for somebody's agency and two of the people who had the best CVS showed up late. I didn't, I didn't do the interview. I didn't do the interview. You know, the interview was for 8. If you had come in like 8,45 cry, I would understand. But you show up at 10am Me said, I interview you at 10am I won't do it. I won't do it. I told my friend, if you really need these people, go and interview them yourselves. It won't be me. But if you hire these people, I can guarantee you that even interview they didn't take seriously. So they won't take your work seriously. So we must not allow people to direct our narratives for us. But we must also be very. We must have self respect.
- [77:45]
B
Love it.
- [77:46]
A
Yeah, you must have self respect. And. No, because when you lack that, then you're not heading anywhere. You're not you. No, really think about it.
- [77:56]
B
You need to have standards as well, right?
- [77:58]
A
Precisely. I say, I'm going to move this cup here because aesthetically is bad here. And the show starts. Derek says, this cup must be moved and nobody moves the cup. And they had you so many times saying that the cup must move and then you come in and you move the cup yourself. But you're paying somebody to do it. And what they say, because you must love what you're doing, you must love wherever you're working, even if they are paying you peanuts. You decided to take the peanuts. So work for the peanuts, do what you have to do for the peanuts, but don't go and disrespect the owner of the business. Don't go and disrespect your colleagues just because you think you're being paid penis. And that's what happens a lot in this country. And people ask themselves because people watch, you know, people. Of course, there are instances where people are just sized up because of personal other reasons. But people watch characters. Your character must count for something. If your character doesn't count for anything, don't expect growth. Because the days when God was pouring mana, now you have to work for. You have to work for the manna. You know, you need to work for it. You need to work for it. You need to be responsible. If this lifestyle is not good for you now, don't do it. Listen, when I was bringing my child up, I wanted my child to attend the best of schools. And I knew cost an arm and a leg. There are certain things I did not do. I saw my friends do it. My friends were buying new cars Every year. I didn't. Unless by miracle somebody decides that. Oh, but it never came from my pocket because I was paying school fees. Very expensive school fees. My son attended an international school. He saw that from also the academy. Then I just thought, I don't like that system again, I want my son to do the Cambridge. So I moved him into an international school which cost a lot of money every term. But that is the decision I had made and I paid for it. I made sure I had money to pay for it. I decided my son was going to go do O level, do A level, whatever it takes. My son is going to go through that. I made sure my son did that. My son would go to university in the United States. He wanted it, I wanted it. I said, I will do it. And it cost me thousands of dollars every year in tuition alone. In tuition alone.
- [80:54]
B
Accommodation, food, clothes.
- [80:58]
A
Precisely. And I had a deal with my son because my son is a very enterprising guy and I know he likes money. So at some point he'll say, oh, I think there's an opportunity. I want to see if I can do this on campus and get money. I said, no, okay, whatever you need, I will provide. Focus on the books. You are not going to work because you want to work because. What do you want to buy? Oh, sometimes I see some sneakers and I said, I'll buy the sneakers for you. Oh, I saw this shirt on this website. I'll buy it for you. Make sure you're acing your grades. Get your grades and whatever you want, I will. So we had a pact, right? But I knew what I was doing and so I had to sacrifice. I was not buying things for myself. I was not doing certain things for myself. Do you understand? It's a sacrifice I made. So if you have a child and you want to give your best, your child the best of education and you are not wealthy like other wealthy people. Don't be dreaming of buying a designer bag that costs £4,000 and then be sitting there, hey, may buy school fees. Derek, Derek. But you've got to buy an expensive bag. It's called sacrifices.
- [82:13]
B
You just mentioned pounds. Any March?
- [82:19]
A
Yes. Women of Valor. Yes. We're doing it in London. We've done two episodes, two editions in Accra last year. We're in Paris and all three have been spectacular. Paris was a delight. What I'm trying to do as well is to give women an opportunity to see the world. To see the world. When I did Paris, majority of those who attended the event in Paris had never traveled Some of them had never gone out of the country. Some were boarding flights for the first time. Some of them had traveled to other countries. They've never been to Europe. And so networking is important. You meet women from different places. And my event in Paris, I had people coming from the United States, not Ghanaians from the United States, from Rwanda, from South Africa and then of course Europe. Majority of them came from Europe. But I took about 120 women people from Ghana to attend. And they were excited, you know, they built connections, they were happy, they saw a different world, came back with fresh ideas. So this time we're going to London, we're doing London and I'm hoping that it will be better than Paris. It has to be better than Paris. And the, the theme is the pursuit of fearlessness. I have five key speakers. The first one from Ghana is Nanama McBrown. Nanama McBrown is a speaker representing Ghana. Nanama never received formal education. For those who don't know, but look at what she's done for herself. Amazing, amazing. Nanama at some point was driving a truck from Kumasa to Abidjan. You know, she's sitting, lived the life at some point she was a footballer, she's gone through the mail. But look at Nanama now. And what goes through Nanama's story is that she was fearless at every point in time. She pursued, she persevered. And so that's Nanama from Ghana. Then from Nigeria we have Kate Henshaw. Kate is a leading actress in Nigeria. She has her own story. She's gone through the mail as well. She'll be sharing her story from France. I don't know if you know this global accountant firm called McKenzie. Yeah, it's an accounting firm.
- [84:46]
B
McKe.
- [84:47]
A
Yes, it's the biggest accounting firm in the world. Yeah. So Mackenzie. So the lady who heads McKenzie in funds, she's speaking as well because accounting is a male dominated field and to get there takes a lot. So she'll be sharing her story of fearlessness. And then from the UK we have the former Director for International Trade for the uk, Leslie Batchelor. She's speaking for the uk. And then from the United States, a lady who was sexually abused by her pastor father for seven years. For seven years, her pastor father. She's finally been able to bring herself to life, to realize this is a part of my life that I have to deal with, but I can't deal with it alone. I need to share my story. So if there is any father who is abusing their child, abusing their girl, abusing a woman. You need to stop. So basically that's what we're doing in London.
- [85:49]
B
So what I'm going to do is for my Londoners, my inner squad, I'm going to put details in the description so you can show up at an event. Yeah, I think it's going to be great.
- [86:03]
A
It will, it will be rewarding, fulfilling and empowering. Yeah, empowering.
- [86:10]
B
Oh, thank you so much.
- [86:11]
A
Thank you, Derek, for having me.
- [86:13]
B
I have enjoyed the conversation, hopefully. No, I have. You have I actually said it before now I've enjoyed the conversation and I hope my audience enjoy it as well. I'd usually ask you to recommend a book.
- [86:27]
A
Oh, that would be hard because I have so many books. Okay. The book I'm currently reading is called Someone Like Me by Diane Abbott. Diane Abbott was the first black MP in the British Parliament.
- [86:42]
B
Okay.
- [86:43]
A
Yes. Someone like me. It is put downable. You start reading and you can't put the book down. It is, it is good from the first letter to the last letter of the book. It is great. And if you have the opportunity to get that book from Diane Abbott, the mp.
- [87:04]
B
Okay.
- [87:04]
A
It's a really good book.
- [87:05]
B
I want to take one more thing from you. The best advice you've ever received.
- [87:10]
A
Who? The best.
- [87:11]
B
The best. Best of the best.
- [87:14]
A
The best advice. The best advice. Hey, now you. I have to rate the pieces of advice that I've received. The best advice I have received. Can I start with the worst advice?
- [87:32]
B
Okay, go and go to the worst. Yeah.
- [87:33]
A
The worst advice I ever received was. The worst advice. Someone told me at some point I was sitting down complaining about my son's fees. How is it going to end? Yeah. And the advice. And this is the worst advice I ever received. I mean, it may make sense to some people, but you. But it doesn't make sense to me. It will never make sense to me. And the person said, oh, but there are people who went to this school that's going, they've made it in life. So now there is capitation grants, there is school feeding. So you don't even have to give your child food to go to school. When they go to school, they get food to eat as free school fees. And that was the worst advice I ever received. I mean, people would think it's okay, but it was because there was no.
- [88:38]
B
Way you were going to do that.
- [88:39]
A
Oh, hell no. That's my. That's my child.
- [88:41]
B
I guess you should know who you are giving the advice to, right?
- [88:43]
A
I guess so, yeah. But I told this person that I've had advice all my life, but this is nonsense. But the best advice, I think, was to follow my dreams. And it didn't come from anybody. It was just from a book. Okay. It was from the. The. I don't know if you've read. And so her memoir, in her memoir, she kept talking about following your dreams. Following your dream. Dreams. Sometimes your dreams may be too big. And this was the exact wording. Sometimes your dreams may be too big. Sometimes your dreams may crush you. Sometimes your dreams may scare you. Sometimes your dreams may look very bad, but follow them.
- [89:27]
B
Wow. I love it.
- [89:28]
A
Follow them. I love it. Yes. And that's the advice I'll give to anybody. Follow your dreams and believe in what you're doing.
- [89:35]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you so much.
- [89:37]
A
You're welcome. Thank you for having me. Derek.
- [89:39]
B
Conversation. So you heard it. Follow your dreams. And to my viewers and to the listeners, if you made it to the end, I'd love to know in the comments. And if you didn't, you're not going to get to see this. Thank you so much. My name is Derek and I'm out.