C (9:25)

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B (10:07)

So I've got the most valuable thing I do, which is writing every opportunity. I'm on this stage because I sat down and made myself write a book. It was no fun. It took us three years. It was very rewarding. But without that, I wouldn't have the productive company. I wouldn't have so many things in my life. That by far is the number one. And guess what? It's third in line to eat on my calendar. My second most valuable opportunity is reading an interview. So I think of it as my inputs determine my outputs. If I'm reading great works and talking to amazing people, I will have better things to write about. And that is fifth to get to the table. It gets the scraps of my schedule. That's just the reality of where I am right now. When you look at your list, your $10,000 activity, does anybody actually have it ranked number one? I would love to see it. A couple of people. God bless you. I need to get some coaching. I'll be free after the session, but the reality is it can be extremely tough to have that in the poll position on a week to week basis. So does your calendar reflect your goals? I sometimes do calendar audits with my clients when I'm doing one on one. And we've reached a level of trust to do that. And we will go through their calendars and I can tell you how we invest our time. We'll tell people what not only your priorities and goals are, but what your values are as well. I don't know if anybody's heard the old saw. How does a child spell love? T I M E. Where we invest our time shows what we value. And the problem is for most of us, and it's not because you're a bad person. So if you've got the shame, stick out and you're hitting yourself over the head right now. It's also the way we live as a society. It's not lined up to help us do these things. But we look up and our calendar doesn't reflect who we are. So Dr. Robin Hanley Defoe is one of my favorite authors. She's also a friend of mine and she taught me on a recent podcast. You want to know the number one thing that'll drive you into burnout the fastest? Is living in a way that does not match your values. When you're on the sidelines at your kid's soccer game and you're working and you know you should be present, that will drain the meter faster than anything when we don't live our values. And so we look up and we know that we have this huge opportunity to be better. And I think that we can all do better. And I'm going to give you some frameworks. So first let's define what we mean by busyness. This is how I define it a reactive mode. That word reactive is very important because people who are trapped in the business cycle are reacting to the world, they're not responding to it. Where your time is filled with activity, but depleted of intentionality, intention. What do we intend to do versus what we actually did? It's a commitment to over commitment that creates the illusion of progress and productivity, I would say, while obscuring what actually matters. People look at you and they say, wow, you get so much done, but are you getting the right stuff done? At work and in our coaching and training, I sometimes refer to this as performative work. If you've ever been new to a job, you've done it. You're like, I don't know what to do, so I'm just going to walk around really fast and carry papers. And it gives this illusion that you've got something to do because you don't really want to do work when you're the intern or whatever, but you also don't want to be called out for it. So we've been trained to believe that this busyness is something that's good. In fact, it's become a kind of status symbol. It used to be if you wanted to signal that you were incredibly wealthy, you signaled how much leisure time you had. Today we talk about how many hours we work and how many businesses we run. That is now the badge of honor. That is the status symbol. I was reading in the Harvard Business Review a really cool article. The guy was talking about an immigrant he was working with, and the immigrant thought the word busy meant good. And the guy goes, why do you think busy means good? He said, because every time I ask someone how they're doing, they always say, I'm busy. Now, after I read that, watch yourself. When someone asks you, how are you doing? What is the word that you want to say? Amazing. Amazing is great. That's what I'm trying to pivot to. Awesome. Fantastic. How about you? But the default words that often come to my lips and I hear more than anything else is the word busy. So how do we remove it from this kind of badge of honor status that society's put us on? Because the truth is, a lot of us are living a life of incredible busyness and we are mistaking that for productivity. What it really is is compulsion. And at its extreme illness. A lot of us are living a well orchestrated panic attack and calling it a life. Thank you for laughing and not crying. I've had both reactions. Okay, so if we look at the symptoms of what this does like beyond the stress of rushing through our days, what shows up? So first and foremost, we see gold drift. Is anybody here an aviator? Anybody an aviator? I thought I saw a hand. There's this thing called the 1 in 60 rule. I don't know exactly how scientific it is, but it says if you are one degree off in your heading, for every 60 nautical miles you travel, you'll be a mile off of your destination. Small deviations in our direction add up to big differences in our destination. And when you look at people who are trapped in this busyness cycle, we're reactive and we look for the low hanging fruit. Oh, that would be a quick win. You come to a conference like this, you'll have to resist it. Oh, I should, I should, I should. And we should on ourselves. Thank you for getting the connotation don't ever should on yourself. But we think of all the things that we, quote, should be doing that we're not. And we start adding more to the plate and, and it's all coming from a good place. But what it does is we start veering off course. Now, the actual reason we have GPS today is there was a Korean Airlines plane in 1985 that started its journey from Anchorage to Seoul and it was five degrees off and over a few hundred miles. It flew into Soviet airspace and was shot down. After that, Ronald Reagan agreed to make what was then proprietary military technology, the gps, available to all civilian flights because they were still using dead reckoning to guide planes around the world. And now we have gps. So what is our gps? How do we stay on track? How do we stay connected to our goals so we don't drift and often go in circles? 2. Unconscious quitting. And I meant to misspell that. Sorry, I'm an English major. I missed the s. The unconscious quitting. You look up and it's January, it's February. And those goals you started the year out with, suddenly you've forgotten about them. There's a company called Strava. Is anybody here a runner or a mountain biker? They've been doing this for years and they call it Quitters Day. They track everyone's health resolutions in January. And the majority of people will have abandoned their goals by February. And the day on which they quit at the highest rate, which they call Quitters day, is either January 17th or the 19th. It depends on the year. It takes less than a month for most people to forget what they launched their year into. And when we're running around and it's not front and center, it becomes very Easy to unconsciously quit on ourselves and our goals. I'm all for quitting. I think winners quit. We strategically quit the roles and responsibilities that don't serve us, and more importantly, we quit the relationships that are toxic and don't serve us. So quitting is good when it's conscious. Groundhog Year. Both of those add up to those people, and it's sometimes us who say, this is the year that I will finally fill in the blank, quit this job, start my side hustle, write that book, get healthy, start lifting weights, you name it. But what happens is, year after year, we come back to the beginning and it feels like we're in the same place now. My first big book I worked on at HarperCollins was called body for Life by Bill Phillips. And it was, like, iconic at the time, sold 6 million copies. And I studied the best sellers around health. And every year you watch it, next month the bestseller list will be full of health and diet books. Because the publishing industry knows all about Groundhog Year. All they have to do is slap a second edition on it, put it out in January, and they've got a good chance that people are about to start over again. And maybe by February they'll keep going or they'll have quit. So Tim Ferriss says it this way. Busyness is a form of laziness, lazy thinking and indiscriminate action. I look at it when I'm in my coaching that I often see it as a place where people go to hide. They know what they should be doing, but they hide it up with all the activity. And I'll be frank. You know, when I've been through going through grief and I've lost someone over the years, I didn't know it. I went to work to hide until I lost a coworker and I realized that I couldn't hide at work anymore. And so that was a gift, even if it was a painful one. But busyness can be a place that we go to hide. It's either a laziness of thinking or a lack thereof. Keith Cunningham is one of my favorite offers authors. He wrote a book called the Road Less Stupid. He would tell you, you. You don't actually need to be smarter. Even though that's why we're all here. What we really need to do is less stupid shit. The mistakes that we make because we're not stopping to think and plan. We're working in the business instead of taking just a minute to work on the business cost us far more than all of the little gains we Make. So just a little bit of space in irregular intervals can make us less likely to do that stupid stuff. So at the end of the day, this is where we end up. When you lack clarity about what you should be doing, if it's not front and center, we have poor boundaries. I like to say, if you don't know what you've said yes to, how can you say no to things, right? So when we lack clarity, we lack boundaries. When we lack boundaries, we say yes to too much stuff. When we say yes to too much stuff, we look up and we are stressed out and we are time impoverished. We. We have that feeling that we never have enough time to do the things we want to do. Our to do list is getting longer, not shorter. And that feeling of time poverty eventually rolls downhill to overwhelm, overwork, and burnout. And when we're in that state, even though we're saying that this busyness is a good thing and people are projecting it, our work suffers, our health suffers, and frankly, our relationships suffer. And that may be the highest cost we pay for this. So I love this quote. It's a punch in the gut. If busyness is your drug, rest will feel like stress. And I've seen people right that when you ask them, I need you to take an hour, and I just want you to step out of your business, and I want you to focus on what is it you're doing strategically, like, step out. They get fidgety, they don't know what to do. It is a real thing that a lot of us suffer from because the world has rewarded us for a long time for our ability to take action, not to think about the action we should take. So here's what I'm going to leave you with as a simple framework, and I'm going to spend a little time. It's three steps. I did a podcast on Valentine's Day of this year, and I think it was like falling in love with your goals or something like that. It was something cutesy, but I kind of stumbled into, oh, this is really important. And if you think about the last time you fell in love, when you met that person, did you want to wait a year to see them again? No. You're like, when can we go out again? And do you mind if I text you or email you five times or send you DMs five times a day between then? We don't want to go like, how far is creepy in the beginning of a relationship? But I really like this person and I want to interact with them. So we haven't learned how to build a relationship with our goals. We start off in January and we say we're married. I'm running a marathon this year. I'm writing the great American novel. I'm going to launch my business. But we don't do any courting along the way. And so that's what leads to those other things. So how do we make those regular connections? So in our business, you heard me in the video, we talk about forming habits. The research suggests that, on average, that doesn't mean it's every time. It takes about 66 repetitions. By far in the last decade, the most impactful habit we've built as a community is something we called goals. Before phones, most people, the first thing they do when they wake up is they pick up their phone. And what do they do when they get their phone? They drop into their email, they drop into their social, they drop into their text. Guess what lives there? Your goals do not. That's where other people's priorities live. And the simple act of what did I actually say yes to? What is my priority? My one thing today allowed people then to enter that chaos with clarity and say no to all the junk. Right? You've said I do. To go back to this romantic thing, to your goal, and therefore everything else is cheating. But you have to remind yourself, and you have to do it daily. I was sharing backstage. I've got my core values on my phone. Impact, family, and abundance. And they say that you look at your phone 80 to 90 times a day. I need. I'm in the remedial class. I need to be reminded constantly what is it that I've said is most important and am I actually living true to it? So five minutes a day can change your trajectory if you only do one thing after the speech. If you want to do two things, you knock that out, spend about 20 minutes a week looking at your goals. What did I say I was going to do this year Based on that, what do I have to do this month? Based on that, what do I have to do this week? And then you look at your calendar and say, does my calendar reflect my goals? And if it doesn't, you're sending cancellations. People do it to you all the time. I'm sorry, I can't do it this week. Can we take a rain check? And that's what we have to do. But that 20 minutes a week is how we're course correcting. We drifted last week, but we can get back on course because we didn't go Too far off. Right? That one degree last week, we just have to go two degrees the other way. It's small adjustments over time, and you do the same thing for a little longer on the month. Where am I spending my time? Am I investing it? And will I get a return? I want you to fight busyness, to start building a relationship with your goals. Take them for a date every day, every week, and every month. So I got a little applause for that. Thank you. Busy people fill their time. Successful people protect their time. You have to flip the switch to looking for what you could do, to focusing on everything that you can say no to. Steve Jobs, we wrote about it in the one thing very famously said, every yes has to be defended by a thousand no's. And I'm not sure he was underestimating things. If you want to do something extraordinary, busyness is not a badge of honor. It's a symptom of poor boundaries and unclear priorities. We don't want to fall for that. We want to be better. And lastly, just join me. Let's break out of the busyness trap. Busyness is not limitless. Right? When you know what your one thing is every day, that is the path to an extraordinary limitless life. Thank you, folks. Thank you very much.