Can You Trust Her Male Best Friends?

Summary

LA PLATICA – "Can You Trust Her Male Best Friends?" (Episode 231)

Hosts: Sebastian “Gaso” Robles & Josh Leyva

Release Date: January 26, 2026
Producer: Sonoro

---

Episode Overview

This episode of La Platica dives into friendships, relationships, boundaries, and emotional maturity. Hosts Josh and Sebas (Gaso) discuss fitness journeys, give their “perspective of a man” on listener-submitted dilemmas, and debate the infamous question: "Can you trust her male best friends?" The conversation is real, unfiltered, and peppered with humor, vulnerability, and their signature positive vibes.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Fitness, Mental Health & Motivation

(03:00–13:50)

• Both hosts share updates on their fitness journeys: races, calorie deficits, and the mental aspect of transformation.
• Gaso: Almost passed out after the Rose Bowl half marathon, emphasizing the difficulty for all finishers and the importance of small wins.
• The group stresses fitness as a "lifestyle, not a diet," (08:38) and discuss the snowball effect of small habit changes.
• Jess chimes in about running inspiration and the need for discipline over fleeting motivation:
  • Jess (12:01): "You have to be disciplined about it, because motivation comes and goes… Do it when you don't want to."

2. The Influence of Social Circles on Self-development

(10:14–13:06)

• Gaso highlights the importance of surrounding yourself with people who motivate you, especially when adopting new habits.
• Gaso (10:38): "If you hang out with people who run, you’re eventually going to start running... If you want something different, you’re gonna have to find that as well."

3. Perspective of a Man: Relationship Dilemmas

(14:12–66:36 – Throughout the episode, listener-submitted questions are interspersed and discussed deeply)

a. Friends with Benefits Turning Into Feelings

(14:44–19:12)

• Question: Listener starts to catch feelings for their FWB after weeks of a purely physical arrangement.
• Josh: "Friends with benefits—very dangerous territory. You're playing with fire." (15:35)
• Key takeaway: Communicate feelings early; boundaries can change, and transparency is necessary before extending things beyond sex.

b. Partner’s Toxic Friend and Setting Boundaries

(20:05–29:54)

• Question: Is it toxic to ask a boyfriend to stop talking to a manipulative friend?
• Group consensus: It’s valid to express concerns but not to make demands. Open, non-accusatory conversation is crucial.
• Josh (22:17): "It’s toxic when it’s like: ‘This is how it has to be.’ Conversation is always best."
• Gaso (27:12): "When a relationship fails is when you start parenting each other… You're with each other to be partners.”

c. Coworker with a Financially and Emotionally Unavailable Partner

(29:55–35:36)

• Question: “Stacy” is paying for her older boyfriend, who won’t divorce his ex and keeps tally of expenses.
• Josh (31:23): "Some people like being miserable… You have to let friends learn through their own situations."
• Takeaway: Sometimes, as friends, you need to step back so others can learn for themselves.

d. Can You Trust Her Male Best Friends?

(35:44–47:10 & 44:24–47:27)

• Classic debate: When does a girl’s male friend become an issue in a relationship?
• Gaso: "Statistically, guys have thoughts. Guys are guys." (36:09)
• Both hosts agree: Most men can sense another man's intentions. If a male friend predates the relationship, it's unfair to demand their removal, but it’s natural to feel wary.
• Josh (38:03): Retells a personal story where a partner wouldn't introduce her ‘best friend’—that makes it suspicious.
• On the 'kiss your guy best friend' TikTok trend
  • Jess: "Rarely is it like, ‘What are you doing?’ It's more like, ‘Finally.’" (44:36)
  • Hosts agree that many “guy best friends” are initially friend-zoned but maintain hope.

e. Heartbreak, Healing, and Self-Love

(47:30–54:46)

• Question: Listener can’t get over her ex, who left her for someone else after a year.
• Gaso (48:18): "Heartbreak is one of the worst pains… but it’s just life."
• Josh (50:21): "You are the priority. Focus on what fulfills you. Choose you every time."
• Group stresses: Don’t rush healing, don’t compare new relationships to old ones, and let time do its work.

f. Posting Your Partner on Social Media – Red Flag or Not?

(60:49–65:42)

• Question: Is it a red flag if he won’t post you on social?
• Josh (60:58): "Yeah, that’s a red flag for sure."
• Nuance: If he never posts anything, it’s different; but active posters dodging the topic should raise concern. Context is important, and direct conversation is recommended.
• Hosts caution against letting social media define relationship worth.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jess (12:06): “You’re gonna be a much better person after. You push yourself and you’re a badass for doing it.”
• Josh (13:13): "You showing up is a win… Every time is getting closer and closer to your goal. It’s a snowball effect."
• Gaso (22:19): "If you really love your girl, you should make the adjustment."
• Josh (27:12): "The minute you start parenting each other, it's not a partnership."
• Gaso (36:09): "Statistically, guys have thoughts—guys are guys."
• Jess (44:36): Referring to TikTok trend: "Rarely is it like, ‘What are you doing?’ It's more like, ‘Finally.’"
• Josh (50:21): "Choose you every time."
• Gaso (54:46): "You can always choose you. So I would say choose you every time."
• Josh (61:03): "And the thing is, bro, we live in the age of social media—everybody over-analyzes everything."
• Josh (66:35): "Heartache is such a son of a... People can really hurt people in so many ways, bro."

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Fitness & Running: 03:00–13:50
• Friends as Motivation: 10:14–13:06
• Perspective of a Man (Relationship dilemmas): 14:12–66:36
  • Friends with Benefits: 14:44–19:12
  • Toxic Friends & Boundaries: 20:05–29:54
  • Stacy & Steve (Financial strain/older partner): 29:55–35:36
  • Male Best Friend Tension: 35:44–47:10, 44:24–47:27
  • Heartbreak & Healing: 47:30–54:46
  • Social Media Red Flag: 60:49–65:42

---

Tone & Style

• The hosts keep the conversation light but real, favoring genuine anecdotes, playful jabs, and direct honesty over sugarcoating.
• The episode is a mix of “tough love” and empathy, with honest takes shaped by their lived experiences.

---

Final Thoughts

La Platica continues to offer a refreshingly candid male perspective on relationships, personal development, and culture—always in service of the listeners’ real-life questions. This episode’s relationship Q&A format, peppered with vulnerable stories, laughter, and sharp observations, makes it an engaging listen—especially for anyone wrestling with trust, heartbreak, or complicated friendship boundaries.

"Choose you every time." – Josh (50:21)

---

End of summary.

Transcript

[Josh]

El programa nacional de becas a ser de McDonald's a beneficiado mas de vieiciente mille estudian tes con mas e trentai sil comissiones de dolares. And McDonald's Punta com yagonal a serious.

[Gaso]

If my wife right now doesn't like something that I do, I'm gonna see what I can do to fulfill that.

[Josh]

You're in a different position though, bro. You're married. I think you're looking at in the lens.

[Gaso]

But even if I really like my girl.

[Josh]

No, no, bro, I'm not like that. I'm sorry if my girl just. I don't want you talking to this person. That's not happening, bro.

[Jess]

I think I'm in love with my friends of benefits. I came out of a long term relationship and I started to miss sex.

[Gaso]

You're not taking me to shakies. You are only taking me to pound town.

[Jess]

My boyfriend has a toxic, manipulative friend and it's ruining my trust in him. Is it toxic of me to ask him not to talk to his friend anymore?

[Gaso]

That like the fact that they've been with each other for such a long time? He's way older than her and he asked for money back for the meals.

[Josh]

Yo, look, I've come to the realize as I gotten older that some people like being miserable.

[Gaso]

I personally don't think it's bad that people have friends. Guys and girls have guy best friends or whatever, but statistically, Guys, we're here to talk about one thing and one thing only. And you already know we're gonna talk about that. See Geek baby. Yo, I'm taking, I told you. And I'm taking my whole family. We're going to Monster Jam Kings game.

[Josh]

That it?

[Gaso]

Musical events. Come on now guys, it's day night every night. What should we do tonight? You know what? Go on Sea Geek, you will figure it out.

[Josh]

70,000 live events, over 35 million downloads. Sea Geek is number one rated taking the app for a reason. They make it easy. Green dot means good, red dot means bad. And guess what? We're gonna hook you up. We gonna help you up. Hope you up them up for 10 off your ticket to purchase. That's right guys. Download the app, put in the code and get 10 off your ticket to purchase. Look, my favorite DM to receive from you guys is, yo, I went on a date and I use a seat app and of course I use the code. Or when I see you guys out and about and y' all be calling us out for them shots. I appreciate that. Yeah, y' all gonna make me go broke.

[Gaso]

If you're watching this with somebody and somebody else is in the room, guess what? Dare them to go on the app right now. Hey, if you love me as a friend, as a partner, or your son, your daughter, go on the app. Take me somewhere tonight. There it is.

[Josh]

10% off your ticketed purchase.

[Gaso]

I hope you guys enjoy this next episode just as much as we enjoyed filming it.

[Josh]

See you guys in 12.4 seconds. I'm gonna use it.

[Jess]

Let me be honest.

[Gaso]

Every guest is a privilege. We want to go there, get jolly, cuz I'm on a podcast with Josh. Lady. Yeah, you have two more.

[Josh]

Ladies and gentlemen, let me just tell.

[Jess]

You, this is la Platica, episode 231.

[Josh]

This is a story of a girl.

[Gaso]

I love it when you sing.

[Josh]

Come on, man.

[Gaso]

Man, it's Monday. That's how Mondays don't suck. Mondays don't suck anymore. Why? It's because this room, because we here, these humans that are in this room exist.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

So bienvenidos. I hope that you guys had an amazing weekend and you guys didn't almost black out like myself. I hope that this week brings you positivity feria. And I hope that you have one of the best meals in your life this week.

[Josh]

Yo, PV's only.

[Gaso]

PV's only. What's that mean?

[Josh]

I'll let you figure it out. Let's see.

[Gaso]

PV's only.

[Josh]

Who can figure it out first?

[Gaso]

Three PVs. Two.

[Josh]

One. Any takers?

[Gaso]

Personal something, huh? Pancho Villa. There's a restaurant called Pancho?

[Josh]

Yeah, there is. I've been there, actually.

[Gaso]

What's pv?

[Josh]

Positive vibes.

[Gaso]

Positive vibes, baby. I like that pv. I like that. Shout out to our sponsor se.

[Josh]

On the App Store.

[Gaso]

And we're going to continue this episode from last week's episode because we love talking about perspective of man. And maybe There's a couple a.m.

[Josh]

So.

[Gaso]

Let'S get it going, man. Let's get it. Can I tell you, though, I did almost black out yesterday, which was Sunday. I did the Roseville half.

[Josh]

Yes.

[Gaso]

It was one of the toughest courses I've ever done. Hilly, very hilly. And I've. I've always imagined. I've always thought to myself, damn, I've seen people faint or, like, pass out or hit the ground, you know? And I always wonder, like, damn, how does that feel? Because it's.

[Josh]

Have you ever fainted before?

[Gaso]

No.

[Josh]

Me neither, so.

[Gaso]

And I hope nobody ever does. Right? But I feel like I almost did. When I crossed that finish line.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

My vision started to black out. In and out.

[Josh]

No way.

[Gaso]

Yeah, it. It took me out, bro. I. It gassed me out that course.

[Josh]

But this was the best half marathon time you've had?

[Gaso]

I think so. Yeah. I think so. Maybe. Yeah.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

I think I. Well, technically, like, my stra clocks me in a little faster when I did the LA marathon, because regardless, for the.

[Josh]

For the half.

[Gaso]

For a half, like 13 miles, I did it faster when I was doing the LA marathon than I did yesterday. But if you have run, if you ran Rose bowl, congratulations here in Southern California passes the it to be exact. Congratulations. That course is nothing to be effed with. And if you did it, if you did it over two hours, if you did it in three hours, whatever the time was, the fact that you did it, congratulations. That is a huge milestone. Yeah. That is not easy. Course. It's not for the week. And yeah, I almost passed out and then once I got my. My back together.

[Josh]

You were good.

[Gaso]

I was good, but my vision was so sensitive. Every time I would see the color white blanco, it was so vivid. It was almost like looking at a light or like a sun. Wow.

[Josh]

And it didn't.

[Gaso]

And it didn't go away for like 15 minutes, bro. I was like, I need awa.

[Josh]

Don't you need, like, sugar and stuff like that?

[Gaso]

Yeah, I thought I carved up enough, but it just took me out at the end of the day. But, yeah, maybe I should carve up more and, you know, have a little bit more sugar. I've also been on a calorie deficit. I don't know if, you know, I'm very sexy right now.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

I was at 196. I'm at 177.

[Josh]

Do you feel better?

[Gaso]

I feel great, bro.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

Yeah. And I haven't been drinking.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

I didn't anything, actually, last night. I had some sake.

[Josh]

There you go.

[Gaso]

But I'm back to dial. That was just like. Just a little celebration. I have figured out that sake, Japanese sake, gives you such a relaxed buzz.

[Josh]

Kind of like wine.

[Gaso]

Yes. Is it better? Better. There's almost like great energy.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

And like, I don't know, it's almost like you can feel the Japanese culture in the buzz, bro.

[Josh]

Though. Yeah.

[Gaso]

It's so good.

[Josh]

That makes sense.

[Gaso]

The abundance.

[Josh]

Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, that. That was. You're talking about your abundance? Poor.

[Gaso]

Yeah.

[Josh]

On your story.

[Gaso]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kathy Karen posted it.

[Josh]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gaso]

It was so good, man. And we had that and. But yeah, that was.

[Josh]

I feel I feel I'm proud of both of us. I think we both have been very, like, dialed in on our.

[Gaso]

You've been dialed in too, bro.

[Josh]

I have not missed last week. I trained six days out of the week. You did. I'm. I'm just feeling, like, really, really good. I feel like I've been a little more like, bro. I'm just so. I'm just. I just. I. I just. I. I feel like I haven't really spoken much about it because I just want to say, like, zeroed in. Just get the job done. You know what I mean? And I'm just gonna pop off one day shirtless on the pod, not even on Instagram, just ass naked on the pod.

[Gaso]

I think. I think maybe like, you. You let me know. We don't even have to tell Saul or Jess.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

We'll just take off our shirts when we're ready.

[Josh]

And pants.

[Gaso]

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

[Josh]

Why not?

[Gaso]

What's wrong with that?

[Josh]

Why not?

[Gaso]

Yeah, I mean, they see me with the. With the late. With the latex, the Lycra when I cycle. What's. Wear underwear or, like, briefs. Right. They're just as tight.

[Josh]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you guys are. Are on your fitness journey right now, I hope it's going good for you guys. I hope you guys are feeling motivated and encouraged. I know, I know a lot of people start the new year with fitness goals, and people tend to fall off around this time, so be aware of that. Keep going. Don't, don't. We're just getting started with the new year, you know, so hopefully you guys are still feeling inspired and, and motivated to.

[Gaso]

Yeah.

[Josh]

Just to. To stay on it, you know, it's not. It's not a. I love the whole, like, mindset of, like, it's not a diet, it's a lifestyle.

[Gaso]

That's what I was.

[Josh]

So changing your perspective on, like, how you approach things can really go a long way.

[Gaso]

You'll be in a better spot physically. If mentally, you're a lot better. Yeah, so like, the whole, like, fitness game and, And. And getting on your. Getting your right and. And dialing in your. Like, I don't like to say, like, I'm on a diet. Like, I just want to say, like, this. I just eat clean now or like, I just eat good.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

As we should. All right. I don't like saying, like, oh, I'm on a diet. I was like, no, I. What I eat is very clean and, you know, if I need a splurge when I want to, that's fine. But that's the only way. Because you can't outwork that diet.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

So I feel like if you have it mentally, like right now, I'm mentally in a good place and I know you are too. And that's why we're getting results. Because mentally we know what to do. Instead of like, oh, I just physically want to like, be there. Or like, I don't say like, oh, I want to be ready for summer. I just want to be ready.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

You know what I mean? And I want to just keep it. It'll be a bonus. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like Josh said, like, if you guys are like on your fitness kick right now, we're here and we're all motivated just like you, and let's all do it together.

[Josh]

Yeah, let's do is crazy though. Like this is the time where it slowly starts to kind of like fall off. Right. Because now you're in the mix of it all. Like the motivation kind of starts to wear off, you know. That's why I think it's important to like really have a different perspective of it. Like this is your life that you're changing, you know, and that you're bettering.

[Gaso]

I should say I, I'm fortunate enough to have this already because I'm always around it. But for everybody back at home who, who find it difficult to be motivated, I don't know your situation, but I personally will tell you, find people to hang out with that motivate you. Cuz you must not be with the right people. To be honest, I am surrounded with people who do nothing but work out. I'm surrounded by my wife, who is a workout aholic.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

You know, she's a fitness beauty queen. But like, my friends are also like, we're always in the gym, we always have things planned to work out and it's great. A lot of people, they don't. And I was speaking to my mother about this too. It's just like, you know, if you hang out with people who, who run, you're eventually going to start running. If you hang out with people who, who bodybuild or whatever, you're eventually going to fall in love with that sport. Sport? Yeah, you know, with whatever it is, cycling, if it's boxing, you know, if you're not with the right amount of people with the correct people to motivate you. I'm not saying don't be friends with them because they're probably great friends, but if you want something different, you're gonna have to find that as well.

[Josh]

It makes it a lot easier. For sure.

[Gaso]

It makes it a lot easier because motivating yourself, it's. It's very possible, but it's also very, very difficult, especially when you've never been around that.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Jess]

If I can chime in, of course. Honestly, that has a lot to do with the reason why I kind of started running. Like, looking at you guys and how active you were, I'm like, yo, I need to get on my game too. And to that extent, like, you don't always feel motivated either. You know what I mean? And that's when you have to kind of, like, do things even when you don't feel like doing them. Yes, exactly. You have to be disciplined about it, because motivation comes and goes, and you can't just work out when you feel really good and you're in the mood and then not work out for, like, a week because you don't have the motivation. Like, do it anyway. Do it when you don't want to.

[Gaso]

You.

[Jess]

And you're gonna be, like, a much better person after. You know, you're gonna feel so good about yourself because you almost didn't go, but you did, and you push yourself and you're a badass for doing it.

[Gaso]

Yeah. Dude, I remember when Jess was, like, kind of nervous doing, like, the half marathon and, like, running all these miles. She's a half marathon queen now. It's no big deal for her. I'll be back. You know what I mean? And, like, doesn't that make you feel so good about yourself that you can, like, you see other people doing it and, like, you. You respect them so much more because you know what they're going through, but. But you're also like, yeah, that's me too. I'm part of that.

[Jess]

You know what I mean?

[Gaso]

Which is a great feeling.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

And I think that's why, like, either half marathons, full marathons, or whatever it is that you're doing, it's so nice to be around that because it just. You're so motivated. My mom texted me this morning, and she was like, hi, mijo gaso. And I'm on the StairMaster for five minutes, and I'm winded, You know, I was like, but I can't even imagine running for two hours like you did yesterday. And I was like, yeah, mom, but you're there, though.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

And tomorrow, those. You can do those five minutes a lot easier or you'll do 10. And it's just progress. You just progressively get better, and that's it. The fact that you're There you're money.

[Josh]

You got to count everything as a win. You showing up is a win. You know what I mean? Like, you don't have to get so fixated on, like, I didn't do an hour, so I failed. Like, you were at the gym. You know, that goes a long way. And every single time you do it is getting closer and closer to your goal. So I think, like, people. I think that's what happens a lot of the time. People put a lot of pressure on themselves and expectations, and if they don't hit those expectations, they. Then they'll, like, fall short. They'll, like, they'll just kind of give up.

[Gaso]

Yeah, but if you were.

[Josh]

Look at everything. I'm like, man, I showed up today and that. That's good. And tomorrow I'm gonna show up again. I'm gonna do more. You know what I mean? Like, that just goes such a long way and it carries this. You know what I mean? Like, snowball effect. Yeah. You know what? A snowball starts small, right? And it gets bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger. Next thing you know, you got a snowman.

[Gaso]

Yeah, I've only seen that in cartoons, but yes.

[Josh]

Yeah, snowman.

[Gaso]

But yeah. So I feel like the whole world is in a good place right now. Like, like, well, not, not. Not that side, but like, like, like.

[Josh]

I feel like maybe your world.

[Gaso]

What I meant was, like, everybody who I talk to, they're like, physically and mentally, like, in a good place where they, like, want to work out and everyone's eating clean.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

Yeah, it's good.

[Josh]

Let's get into these perspective of an asshole. Hopefully we.

[Jess]

It works.

[Gaso]

I like that. No, it's like there's both. Yeah.

[Josh]

That'S what we. Perspective of an.

[Gaso]

Let's run it.

[Josh]

Yeah, we did this last week.

[Gaso]

We.

[Josh]

And people seem to really reciprocate them really well. And yeah, I'm. I'm excited to get into these.

[Gaso]

Let's do it. Yeah.

[Josh]

Jess, are you ready, madam?

[Gaso]

Whoa. This is a long one.

[Jess]

This is not even the longest one.

[Josh]

Damn.

[Jess]

I think I'm in love with my friends. With benefits. I came out of a long term relationship and I started to miss sex. I went on dating apps to find someone to fulfill those needs. Emotionally, I'm fulfilled by my relationships with my friends, my family, my loved ones, et cetera. So I wasn't looking for a connection like that with anyone else. Just strictly sex.

[Josh]

Strictly dickory.

[Jess]

Correct. I met this guy and the sex is great. And we would see each other every other week again, just for that. But after a few weeks, I would stay a little bit longer at his place instead of leaving right away. He's also asked me out to dinner a couple times. I said no, but lately I kind of want to say yes. We talk more and more. We talk more and more often. And we even realize that we have things in common. And now I don't know what to do. How can I tell him? Especially after insisting that it was only for sex for so long.

[Josh]

This is such a great question. And this is kind of what we were touching on you last conversation about, like, protecting your heart. And I'm not one to judge, because I'm not. Okay. But sex with benefits, friends with benefits, is very dangerous territory. You are. You're playing with fire. Because emotions, we're humans, right? We're going to fall for people, especially if you start building a relationship with them.

[Gaso]

You start caring for them.

[Josh]

You start caring for them, you know, so it's like you're playing with fire. It's fun. It's fun, but it is.

[Gaso]

I like that she was, like, strict with herself and saying no to dates and.

[Josh]

Yeah, for sure. Creating boundaries. You got to create.

[Gaso]

You're not taking me to shaky to D. You are only taking me to pound town. Only to. Yeah, okay.

[Josh]

Yeah. But I think if you are starting to develop feelings, I think that it is important for you to communicate those feelings.

[Gaso]

Yeah.

[Josh]

To find out sooner than later. You know what I mean? Because if she. If he's not interested and she's starting to fall, she needs to kind of cut that immediately because then she's going to get hurt and she's got to protect herself. Like, she's been protecting herself early on.

[Gaso]

Well, it seems like homie wants to take her out to dinner too.

[Josh]

But that doesn't mean anything, bro. I don't mean anything. You know what I mean? Like, sure, it's. It's telling, but I don't think it means like, oh, he's into her just as much, right?

[Gaso]

Yeah. We don't know if it's just as much, but he's willing to spend some time outside of sexy time.

[Josh]

Yeah. Yeah, you know, it's telling. It's telling. Yeah, it's telling. But I think it's worth the conversation.

[Gaso]

Of course.

[Josh]

Before going to dinner. Hey. Okay, so what are your intentions? We're doing what? What does that mean? Yeah, you know what I mean?

[Gaso]

That must be a interesting conversation that she's gonna have. Yeah, you know, it's like, hey, like, you know, I know. It's just Strictly dickly. Yeah.

[Josh]

Say it.

[Gaso]

And dickly.

[Josh]

Strictly dickly. No, say it together.

[Gaso]

I know it's strictly dickly.

[Josh]

Thank you.

[Gaso]

But you know, I. I have some feelings for you and you know, I'm starting to care about you. I don't know, you know, where you feel around this.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

So. Yeah. It's just a conversation. I don't think that. I don't think she has an issue or a problem. I think it's an easy car. It's not like he doesn't like you or anything like that. He has to like you a little bit.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

You know?

[Josh]

Yeah. But it could always start off one way because she's saying at the end, especially after insisting it was only for sex for so long, things change for so long. Like, damn. Like that's. They've been friends with benefits for a minute. So I think, you know, maybe this is, this is the next step in your guys's relationship.

[Gaso]

Yeah. Who knows? Yeah. Yeah.

[Josh]

Friends with benefits, though, is very tough. I don't. It. I don't see it like, really.

[Gaso]

Like.

[Josh]

Do you remember when we had Shannon Boodram? The. Yeah, yeah. And she was talking about how she was like, she had a guy that she would just use for. For sex and then she had a guy that she would use for. For cuddling because of like the dopamine aspect or the connections, the pheromones, whatever it is that draws you into somebody when you cuddle. So she would separate that. Bro. That's a lot of work. That's a lot.

[Gaso]

It is. And that's a certain type of guy too. She's finding like the right guys. Cuz not all guys will let that slide either.

[Josh]

What do you mean?

[Gaso]

Yeah, like. Well, did the guys know that there was another guy?

[Josh]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gaso]

They must have not cared. But I would say like if I was one of the guys I was getting connected with just emotionally. But I knew that you were having sex with another guy too. Just for the sex.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

I wouldn't let that slide. Like, you're not going to use me just for emotion. I want to be used for everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, she's finding the right guys to do that for sure. Right. And there's not a lot of them like that. I don't think so. I don't, I don't know anybody like that.

[Josh]

Like somebody who's just willing to like.

[Gaso]

Be a. I might know, like a guy that's like, yeah, like we just have sex and like she does her own thing, you know? But it seemed like. But like the other guy that was just there emotionally. I don't know any guy like that. Yeah, that's. That's. That's tough. Yeah, but if he was cool with it, then yeah.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

And I think she. He ended. She ended up being with him, right? Or no. Or I don't know.

[Josh]

I don't remember.

[Gaso]

Yeah, no, but. Yeah, I don't think. I think you should just have a conversation with them. That's an amazing conversation to have over some pizza.

[Josh]

Love the dick, but maybe I love something more.

[Gaso]

Stop saying. Stop saying dick.

[Josh]

No. What are you talking about? It's the first time I said it.

[Gaso]

Say penis.

[Josh]

No. Or pee.

[Gaso]

Pe. Pe is cute.

[Josh]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Gaso]

Don't like you when you say dick.

[Josh]

Why?

[Gaso]

I don't know.

[Josh]

It's weird. Come on, man. Think about it.

[Gaso]

Yeah, but. Yeah, I think you're going through something cool. You know, it's working out. Having sex now imagine like, hey, what are you doing?

[Josh]

Want to f. I mean. Yeah.

[Gaso]

That's what goes on, right?

[Jess]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

Right? Yeah.

[Josh]

Yeah. Dtf.

[Gaso]

Yeah.

[Josh]

You know DTF stands for. Yeah, I don't think you do.

[Gaso]

Next.

[Jess]

My boyfriend has a toxic, manipulative friend, and it's ruining my trust in him. Is it toxic of me to ask him not to talk to his friend anymore?

[Josh]

Oh, I think I need more context, by the way.

[Gaso]

Yeah.

[Josh]

This is too short.

[Gaso]

It's very. Yeah. Okay. My boyfriend has a toxic.

[Josh]

Like, how long have they been dating?

[Gaso]

This is very common.

[Josh]

For sure.

[Gaso]

This is very common. I feel like every girl or even guys always go through, you know, the friend. There's a friend there that is manipulative or like you've known for a while and they just can't, you know, maybe he or she is not on your side, you know, doing their thing. It's. It's. Honestly, it's one of those things where it's like, just in this situation, if he has a manipulative, manipulative friend that you're not really, like, you don't really care for because, you know it's bad. But I think it's his as a man, it's his. I can't talk today. It's his job to figure that out because it's. It is. If it's a issue with his girl, you know what I mean? He needs to do the right thing as a man to make things a lot better. Like whether that be distant, distancing himself for a little bit or not.

[Josh]

Yeah. Yeah. It's very tough. It's very tough. I get what you're saying. You're saying that it should come from the guy first to really identify that his friend is, like, toxic and manipulative, and then him take the.

[Gaso]

Because I'm sure she's not saying that as friends.

[Josh]

Like, you don't catch that, you're kind of blind to that. You might just, like, not see that. And the girl might have a different perspective. Right. She sees the way he's kind of talking and, like, doesn't like, like it or sees the way he maneuvers and stuff. I don't think it's toxic to have a conversation with him about her feelings. I think it's toxic for her to be demanding on, like, how. Who she. Or. Or who. Who he can or cannot be friends with. Like you saying you cannot be friends with that person because I think he's manipulative. That's toxic. That's not the way you handle a situation in a relationship. Hey, this is what's on my mind. This is how I feel about this person. I kind of want to, like, break this down, dissect this a little bit more so we can. You know what I mean? Yeah, but, like, I think it's toxic when it's like, this is how it has to be.

[Gaso]

Yeah.

[Josh]

You know, that's toxic.

[Gaso]

But if I knew truly in my head that my friend is toxic and, like, every time I'm around him, you know, it's. It's not a good night or like, you know, maybe we're doing things we shouldn't be doing, blah, blah, blah. I, as a man, have to, like, understand that it is a problem. And my girl who loves me is just saying things the way they are, and it's my job to figure that out. Or else I'm just going to keep, you know, because it's going to cause two things. Sadness for her and, like, anxiety when I go out or blah, blah, blah. Or it's going to cause our relationship to be whack because now she's not going to want me to go out ever. And then that is another issue because then now I can't do anything. Yeah, right. So I think it's the man's job to kind of figure that situation out and, you know, pick and choose, honestly. Because if he's really toxic and the friend doesn't change, you know, you can't make the friend change either. That's his own thing. But if you really love your girl, I think you should really kind of like, make the adjust adjustments.

[Josh]

Yeah, I need to hear the conversation. Because if I genuinely had a friend that my girlfriend believed was, like, manipulative, I'd want to hear her out. Like, and I didn't see it. Like, I don't want to understand, like, what's going on here. Like, what is it that I'm missing? You know? I mean, that's why I think it's, like, that conversation. So I think she is valid how she feels.

[Gaso]

Like, she obvious. She should have put, like, when he goes out with him, they don't come back till three in the morning, and I don't hear from him.

[Josh]

And it's always Che with a girlfriend. I'm sure there's a lot of that in that.

[Gaso]

Right? Let's assume. Let's assume. Right?

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

Like, so, yeah. I think the thing is that when we get these questions, I feel like we always tend to. Tend to say the same thing, which is, have a conversation.

[Josh]

That's the best thing to do.

[Gaso]

I know, but instead of, like, us saying, like, have a conversation, which it is the best thing to do, obviously, have a conversation, communicate. That is the best thing.

[Josh]

Some people don't know how to communicate that.

[Gaso]

Yeah.

[Josh]

And they don't know the angle. So that's why I do stress a lot of communicating. But I try to provide, like, an angle on how to have that communication. It's not just like, okay, you can't go out with them. It's like, okay, let's get there together. Let's. Let's break this down and identify the problem.

[Jess]

Yeah.

[Josh]

Does that make sense? So it's like, for this situation, it's about expressing how she feels about that person, not bringing it about him. It's like, hey, this is how I feel. This is how I see it, and this is how I've been feeling. Therefore, I wanted to kind of get your thoughts and present that to you so we can identify how we want to do this.

[Gaso]

Like she said, is it toxic of me to ask him not to talk to his friend? Maybe. Yeah, it is. Maybe not. Be like, straight up, up, like, hey, don't talk to him anymore. Say, hey, sit down. This is how I feel when you go out with this guy. And because A, B, C and D. Because this is what's. This is what always happens when you're with Fanito. Right. So that maybe is a lot better than just saying, hey, don't talk to him anymore. Right. Because most of the cases, these are people you grow up with. You know, you love these friends as well. So you also have to take that into consideration. Mm. Mm.

[Josh]

What do you think, Jess?

[Jess]

No, I, I, I agree. I think, you know, sometimes you have to have really, really hard conversations, and you have to be really real with yourself. And if you figure out how to approach the situation and you bring it up with your partner and they don't receive it in a healthy way, they're not at least open to it, then that also tells you a lot. You know, maybe they're in denial about what the activities their friend.

[Gaso]

Yeah.

[Jess]

Is encouraging them to do or, you know, the travisuras that they're getting into. So I think it's hard, but you're not going to be able to get past it until you talk about it.

[Gaso]

Yeah.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

And that's what I'm saying. If you really love your girl and if you really, really like her and you respect what she says, you, as a man has, you have to do something about it. In a relationship, they're sacrificing. You know, it's like, if, if my wife right now doesn't like something that I do, I'm gonna see what I can do to fulfill that.

[Josh]

You're in a different position, though, bro. You're married. I think you're looking at in the lens.

[Gaso]

But even if I really like my girl.

[Josh]

No, no, bro, I'm not like that. I'm sorry if my girl just. I don't want you talking to this person. That's not happening, bro. Like, I'm not operating like that.

[Gaso]

Yeah. Yes, of course.

[Josh]

First of all, I'm gonna be like, we're not doing that. Yeah. We're gonna sit down, we're gonna have a conversation. I'm gonna listen to you. But one thing we're not going to do is tell each other what to do. Yes. So I don't. If my, if my girl's right, I will. I trust myself enough emotionally and to have the emotional intelligence to dissect what she's saying and process that and then express how I feel so we can get to a middle ground.

[Gaso]

Yes.

[Josh]

But there's no, like, oh, yes, babe, I'm going to do this because you feel. I'm not doing that.

[Gaso]

No, that's, that's like Mandylon. No, I, I know. I'm not saying it like that. I'm saying if there is an issue.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

If there's truly, you know, that the conversation like, damn, you're right, babe. That's why. Yeah, of course. If she just says that out of the, the wind for no reason. No, I'm not gonna tell you what to do or who to Hang out with or what time to be back home or you don't have to tell me where you're go exactly. Your location. And like, we're not doing that because in the, When a relationship fails is when you guys start parenting each other. Yeah. You're not with each other. You're with each other. You're with each other to love each other, to be partners with each other.

[Josh]

Just want to say that.

[Gaso]

Yeah. Because of the last one.

[Josh]

Okay.

[Gaso]

Wa. You're with each other because you like each other.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

When, when a woman or a partner or a woman or a guy, they start fathering you or you start being my mother. Goes to for sure.

[Josh]

I never understand the logic of like, guys wanting to be like the ruler of the house and like, have their woman do whatever they say. That's not a, that's not a partnership.

[Gaso]

No. You lose yourself too. It's, it's a whole different story.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

But I'm saying if there's a legit problem and you know, you, that when you go out with me or somebody else, it's always bad for your relationship because I, I, I manipulate you into doing something, you know, and you know that that's true. And if you really like your girl and you know that she has a point, you are going to figure something out. Right. But yeah, of course, if the girl just out of nowhere, it's like, nah, I don't like this. I don't like it.

[Josh]

But you're saying it in a way of like, the friend is the, the person is aware that that guy is toxic.

[Gaso]

Yeah.

[Josh]

It's like if you know that your friend is toxic and you know that you, every time you go out with him, it's an issue. You're saying I should be able to identify that my friend is causing issues in our relationship and I should figure that out.

[Gaso]

Yeah.

[Josh]

Gotcha. But I'm saying this is not always like that. Guys don't even see that sometimes.

[Gaso]

Yeah.

[Josh]

You know what I mean? A lot of guys, we are, I would say. Yeah. The benefit of the doubt that we're better at catching that.

[Gaso]

Yeah.

[Josh]

Than maybe other men might. Yeah.

[Gaso]

Because a lot of relationships, it's like you're with this guy. Right. But that guy has single friends. Them just naturally being single is like toxic to them 100%.

[Josh]

Right.

[Gaso]

Okay. So in that case, that's a conversation that, that would be perfect for you. And then you can be like, no, we're not doing that because he's single. And if he wants to talk to women and I'm there. That's okay.

[Josh]

You're not going to bubble me into his like, world. His reality of like, his reality is not my reality.

[Gaso]

Exactly. So in that case, yeah, because that situation happens all the time where, yeah, you're taken, but now you're in a. You know, you're with your single friends because you're just genuinely hanging out. So it's like, it's different. Yeah, it's a little like wishy washy, but it's different. But I think my whole thing is like, if it's genuinely a problem, then I get it.

[Jess]

This is another pretty long one.

[Josh]

Stacy perspective.

[Jess]

No, perspective of a man. I have a coworker, we'll call her Stacy, who is in a relationship with Sarah Steve and has been for almost four years now. She says she's very in love and wants to marry this man. And he claims to want to marry her too. However, he is 18 years older than her and still legally married. He has been separated from this woman for years, so the woman isn't an issue. But my coworker says Steve doesn't do anything to file for divorce. Not only that, he doesn't have a steady job. He is self employed and works based off of jobs he gets called for but doesn't have a steady income. So Stacy and their roommate pretty much pay all of Steve's bills. He is also not romantic. He is also not romantic towards her at all. Even after Stacy has voiced to him that this is something important to her in the relationship. When they go on dates, he tells her to pay him back for her meal or keeps track of things he buys her so that she can later pay him back. I feel like there's a lot of things my co worker is compromising for Steve in the relationship. So that being said, I guess I just want to get a guy's perspective on this rundown of Stacy and Steve's relationship.

[Gaso]

Well, I mean, shit, you already said it straight off the bat. Like the fact that they've been with each other for such a long time. He's way older than her and he asked for money back for the meals.

[Josh]

Yo, look, I've come to realize as I've gotten older that some people like being miserable. You are. You're putting yourself in a position like this where it's like Stacy sees the wrong in all of this. She's voicing to him how she feels. Her friends are probably telling her, like, yo, this guy is not it. And she still continues to be with him.

[Gaso]

He's worse than Steven demarco.

[Josh]

He's worse than Steven demarco, bro. He's worse than Marco. This is one of those situations where you got to let it play out and let her learn through this kind of situation. We've all been. We've all had that friend who's, like, not in the best kind of situation in. In a relationship. And you have your own opinions, but they have to kind of see it out for themselves in order for them to get it. And I think that's how people learn. Dude, I've had my, like, okay, my mom has been through the wringer of men, okay? She's been through so many relationships where she's, like, trials and tribulations in her life. I've dated, you know, but, like. And my mom has always given me the best advice when it comes to dating, dude. Like, anytime I have an issue, I go to her and I'll tell her because she's been through it. Do I take it? Not all the time. And those times that I didn't and I had to learn through my own, those are the. Those are the moments that I've really taken the most from. It's never when somebody tells me. It's when I go through it and I live it out that I'm like, okay, I really, really learned that situation, and I think that made me a better person. It's like, the outcome of it was progressive, you know? So I think for her, for Stacy, it's like she's just gonna have to go through the situation with Steve, and she'll figure it out. She'll get there.

[Gaso]

Yeah. It's just hard for friends when they see you like that because they see you like that for such a long time. And you love Stacy.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

And it's like, you just shaker and just tell her, like, dude, what are you doing? You're waiting for him to propose to you when he can't even afford to. To buy his own dinner. When do you think that he. He's not even capable at the moment to buy you dinner, and you think that he's capable of marrying you and giving you a wedding and doing this and. And. And supplying you and. And taking care of you financially, maybe, or just giving you somewhere to live?

[Josh]

Bro, I've had a. I had a friend one time that. This was, like, right after high school, kind of a similar situation. He was dating a girl, clearly, like, using him, manipulating him, pretty much cheating on him, but was, like, finding ways to, like, make it seem like it wasn't really fully cheating. And he was, like, head over heels over this person. But every time we hung out, they would. They would complain about her. Just complain about everything every time. And in the beginning, as the kind of person that I am, I would listen, I would try to give him advice. I would try to, like, you know, uplift them to feel better about it all, because he was just, like, always just down bad about this girl. Bad, bro, to the point where, like, every time we hung out, I would have to tell him, yo, I don't want to hear about her. I don't want to hear about her. Not because I don't care about you. Not because I don't care about the relationship, because you don't do about it. So now you're just wasting my time. You're wasting my energy, and. And it's ruining our time of hanging out. I want to hang out with you, but all you're doing is, like, you're. You're moping around because of this girl who's clearly not into you and you know it, and you deserve better, but you don't want to do about it, so I'm gonna let you do that. And then he would have moments where he would want to tell me, and I literally would. I would tell him, no, we're not doing that. We're not going to have that conversation, because what are you going to do, bro? What are you going to do? You're going to do? And it was like those kind of moments where he really kind of had to start checking himself. He ended up, like, breaking up with her, and it was crazy. But some people just have to live through it, bro.

[Gaso]

Yeah.

[Josh]

And even as a friend, bro, you have to kind of step up to your friends and be like, I'm not going to have these conversation with you over and over and over again.

[Gaso]

Yeah, I feel like you just.

[Jess]

Just.

[Gaso]

You're damaging yourself. Like that person who wrote this message, like, the message to you is, man, stop worrying about these people's relationship. Just let them be.

[Josh]

Miss.

[Gaso]

Just let her be miserable. You know what I mean? Like, let them do the thing as long as it's not affecting you. You've already tried. It's already been four years. Let her learn the hard way. If she wants to waste her time with this guy, just let that be. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, as friends and as family, we want to, like, uplift someone and then tell them, like, the good and what to do. But, bro, at the same time, those four years are passing. That doesn't mean that your four years stop. You know what I mean, like your four years are going through as well. So it's like you get to a point that you understand that people just want to be miserable. Like you said, just let her do her thing. Hopefully Stacy can figure it out. Yeah.

[Josh]

And word around town is Stacy's mom, it's got it going on.

[Gaso]

So she doesn't though.

[Josh]

She doesn't.

[Gaso]

Yeah.

[Jess]

When does having a guy best friend become an issue in a relationship? So she's with somebody and there's a best friend involved, but strictly just the best friend. And I feel like this is a common situation too.

[Gaso]

It is, it is. It's just going back to that question. Kind of like it, it reminds me of the question we just had a couple questions ago with the, the toxic friends and stuff like that. Guys, sometimes they know and because guys are guys and they know that. Yeah, that's fine. That. Because I personally don't think it's bad that people have friends. Guys, girls have guy best friends or whatever. But statistically guys have thoughts. Guys are guys. Guys have thoughts. And now it's rare. It did there. It does happen where the guy genuinely loves that girl as a friend. Yeah, right. But other guys, it becomes a problem because they know that. No, no, Sierra, I know what that guy thinks of guys are guys. He probably, you know, has thoughts about her and likes her low key and blah, blah, blah, blah. So it does become an issue for the actual partner or whatnot, but it shouldn't be an issue. But we don't live in that kind of world either. You know, it's not a perfect world. So I, I don't know. I, I would have to know exactly who the guy is. You know what I mean? Because I feel like I have like a power. Like if I see you in your eyes, I know what kind of guy you are.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

You know what I mean? So if I just met a girl that I started dating, she had this guy best friend, I would love to meet him. And immediately from that first night, from the second night I meet him, I know exactly who that man is. Like guys, I feel like, have good intuition with other men.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

And I would know who the that is and how he acts and, and what his intentions are. You know what I mean?

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

So I, I don't know. This is a tough question because that guy best friend, I would need to know who he is, meet him. But yeah, I mean, if she met him before you, you know, that's different. You can't just make somebody not be their friend. You can't just Force them to get out of their friendship relationship.

[Josh]

I think that like, once you start dating somebody, You things just start like progressing on their own, like naturally and stuff. I think, like, I don't know, I. It's tough because I've been in a situation similar to this and I had this person that was like really good friends with this guy that lived near her and I asked if I could meet him, like, if we can go all hang out. And it was like cool. Like, it was like, yeah, we can make it happen. But it never happened. So it's just like it, it becomes an issue when like the guy. I'm saying me, like me as an example. If I'm pressing to like meet this person and they're, they're, they're being like weird about it now it's becoming like an issue. He's like, hey, I'm trying to like get. We're, we're dating, right? I'm trying to like learn you, like get to know, you know your friends. But you're blocking me from this one specific person. You're making it weird.

[Gaso]

But everybody else, it's easy.

[Josh]

What do you mean?

[Gaso]

Yeah, like anybody else she'll bring along, just not for sure.

[Josh]

Specific person. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Gaso]

You're not stupid either.

[Josh]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, a little bit. Yeah. But I think there gets to a point if you're dating somebody for like, I don't know, X amount of time and like this person. What I'm trying to say is like if, if that person is feeling uncomfortable. Like for example, you said, yo, you can call somebody out through of their. Just by basically like looking at them, right? When are you gonna tell your girlfriend that? Yo, I'm asking you. You, you meet a girl, you just start dating. Hypothetically speaking, Karen, this is different world, different timeline.

[Gaso]

Yeah.

[Josh]

You meet a girl, you start dating her. You meet the guy friend.

[Gaso]

Yeah.

[Josh]

You see him in the eyes.

[Gaso]

And I don't like guys.

[Josh]

And you're like, I don't like this guy. And I know his intentions are bad, but she is. This guy's my best friend. I, he, I adore him. We've been together, we've been friends for like X amount of years. He's my safe space. All these things, these things you don't want to hear that you're, that it's being provided by.

[Gaso]

He's my safe space. That's already red flag for me, you know, because if he's your safe space, I'm trying to be the safe space. Am I going to be the safe space? Too. You have two safe spaces? Maybe. I guess.

[Josh]

Okay.

[Gaso]

Okay.

[Josh]

I'm the girl. Yeah, I'm the girl. Okay.

[Gaso]

I'll tell you the next day that I don't like him.

[Josh]

How are you gonna tell me?

[Gaso]

Okay, hold on.

[Josh]

So what did you think about Jack? He's awesome, right? He's. He's so.

[Gaso]

I already don't like Jack. Why? I like that name, Jack for a safe space guy. I'm joking. But, yeah, we'll tell him, like, hey, so last night was fun. I think he's a great guy. I think he's really cool.

[Josh]

No, you don't think that, though.

[Gaso]

No, but, like, I genuinely do.

[Josh]

Okay.

[Gaso]

Like, he's probably a good guy or not. Yeah, he's probably a good guy. But, like, I know what kind of guy he is, and I just. I do feel like he does like you. And as somebody who is gonna start.

[Josh]

Oh, you think you would. Okay. Okay.

[Gaso]

That's what we're talking about, right?

[Josh]

Yeah, for sure.

[Gaso]

Like that. I know. Well, like, if he was cool, I'm like, yeah, he's cool. You can keep hanging out with them. I don't care. You know, because at the end of the day. And plus, at the end of the day, if Jack is good or bad and they're hanging out anyway, or even if he's good or whatever, even regardless. Because we're scared that she's gonna. Or he's gonna pull some, like, move on her. Right. Or she pulls a move on him. Right. That's what we're scared of. That's why we're talking about this. Right?

[Josh]

For sure. Yeah.

[Gaso]

Right.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

That's the whole issue. Correct. So that's gonna happen regardless. So that's gonna happen regardless if it happens. Does that make any sense? Like, if. If she already has in her mind that she would do something with that guy or that guy is gonna do something, like, it's bound to happen.

[Josh]

It's inevitable.

[Gaso]

It's inevitable. So you can't really help that. You're not preventing something to happen like that, right. With by just saying, I don't want you to hang out with him. Yeah, but if he was cool or whatever, I'm like, yeah, he's a really cool guy. Like, you know, like, I can see why you like him so much, you know, because I can genuinely feel that. But if the case was that I genuinely feel like he's just a guy guy. You know what I mean? And, like. And stuff like that. And I get why you like them, and I get why you guys have These conversations together, but I just don't have that. I don't really have, like a good. I don't feel very comfortable with you hanging around with them as much. Just say that. I said that I would just say that and then she can take it. I'm not, I'm not gonna try to convince. I'm. I'm gonna be the type of guy that's not gonna convince her to. To not hang out with him. This is how I feel. And the way that you're gonna take it then is the way that I will take our relationship. I'm not gonna afford, like, you knew him already. I'm not gonna force you to not. I'm not saying don't hang out with them, but I do feel whatever about him. And it would make me feel better if you didn't. But I'm not going to tell you to not hang out with them. But if you do, then just know that that reaction is going to cause my. Another reaction from me. But I'm not going to tell you not to hang out with them. But I don't care for him. Right. And it's not his fault.

[Josh]

It's just.

[Gaso]

I just know what kind of guy he is. Yeah, right. But I would never tell her not to see him. But if she. I feel like, yo, if you like me and you want to be with me and you, and obviously we're going to be together because I'm not just dating you for friends with benefits, and I'm not just dating you for shits and giggles just to have sexy time. It's because I want a future with you. So if you want to respect what I'm saying and she knows that I genuinely feel that way in a very positive way or manner, then I hope that she respects that and then she can figure that out and, you know, make the adjustments for somebody that she wants to fall in love with. Perfect.

[Jess]

This next one's really good.

[Gaso]

That's it. Yeah. Okay.

[Jess]

Sorry.

[Gaso]

Nail it or not.

[Josh]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Gaso]

I was gonna say, a lot of best friends start by being friend zoned. It's like they got friend zone, so now they're best friends.

[Josh]

Yeah, it's very true.

[Gaso]

That's very, very true. I like that. So, so, so he was probably friend zoned, that guy. Well, most guys are just their friends because they got friends. Yeah, it makes sense. So initially, yeah, you, you, they like you. You don't think that, you know, you don't think that if you went in for a kiss with him, he would kiss you back he's gonna be like, yeah, you know. But you know, that's just.

[Jess]

I guess there's a trend on Tick Tock. I don't know if you guys saw it and it's like an old trend, but literally it's these girls and it's like kiss your guy best friend and see how they react.

[Josh]

Oh, I've seen this.

[Jess]

And like the guys like are all.

[Josh]

About it, like flustered or they're like.

[Jess]

Rarely is it like what are you doing? It's more like finally.

[Josh]

You know what I mean?

[Gaso]

Oh, it's like a finally. Cuz I feel like there's two parts to that. I feel like it's either oh finally or it. Why not? If you're a single and you're a guy, why the does it matter if she's your friend or not? Guys are going to kiss any girl that'll go up to them and just smack them down, you know, to a degree. Obviously if you have like, if you're. That's not your type. But I feel like any guy, if you're willing to make out with another girl that's somewhat your types, maybe you don't like our head over heels for it, but you're gonna do it for the shits and giggles. Guys are honestly, you know, truly. So. Yeah, but like a girl I feel like is a little bit more. No. What the. You know, obviously I think the reason.

[Josh]

Why girls will also like they'll friend zone a guy and just be okay with being friends with them is because they do like the specific thing that they provide. That guy might provide.

[Gaso]

Right.

[Josh]

And it's not good, it's not healthy. But then when that guy comes in, somebody like you, who said you can provide everything, she might not trust you that you can fully provide everything. So she's going to keep him to get that thing she's looking for that she needs until she can get that certainty from you.

[Gaso]

Yeah, you're right. I feel like there's a lot of women that friend zone guys. You, maybe they don't like them physically, emotionally, sexually, but they like them as a friend and they're. They talk to them and they have good conversations and blah blah, they get friend zone. But that guy, you're right, it probably provides you a lot for you and maybe your friends. Because I've been in situations and I know girls, you know that I've been around monetarily.

[Josh]

By the way, I meant that like is that you're not saying monetarily, right? Like I'm saying like emotionally like, funny, whatever it is. I don't just.

[Gaso]

Yeah, that's fine. But a lot of girls also like, they keep, keep guys because of the connections that guy has. You know what I mean? Or, or oh, let me hit up Fulanito. He always like, like figures it out for me, you know, then that's cool. And now I'm just his friend. Yeah, he like, he, he with me, you know, maybe that's the reason too.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

Because there are some guys that can provide something that the girl's girlfriends or the girls guy friends don't. 100% not saying that. You know, they don't like them, they're using them, but you know, they just have a nice guy and he's my friend and he helps me out on some stuff and you know, when I need something, he. He for some reason always has the answer. But I just don't like him physically or emotionally.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

You know what I mean? Because there's a lot of guys that.

[Josh]

Girls are better at that at doing that than guys are.

[Gaso]

Yes.

[Josh]

You know what I mean? Like girls can see the goodness in other guys and not have like a sexual attraction. It for guys is not always like that.

[Gaso]

Yeah.

[Josh]

So it's very interesting. Guys are horny.

[Jess]

Odyssey.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Jess]

My ex left me to be with someone else and I can't seem to get past the hurt and the sadness. We dated for a year and we had a connection unlike anything I've ever experienced with anyone. We were pretty serious and we talked about moving in together, marriage, all of it. He randomly met someone else and basically dropped me like what we had meant nothing and moved on. I'm a fairly confident person. I know my value and my worth. I'm not someone who chases after others and I'm not chasing him. I recognize his behavior and his choice had everything to do with him and not me. But even so, for some reason I can't get past being sad and hurt and missing him. It's been six months. Why do I still miss someone who chose to hurt me and who chose to not be with me? Any advice as to how to move forward and get past the pain? Be appreciated?

[Gaso]

Yeah. First of all, I'm sorry you went through that. It sucks. Heartbreak is one of the worst pains anybody can ever deal with. Especially when you really like the other person. But it's just life. It really is just life. Sometimes that happens. I've been cheated on before as well, and it doesn't feel good. And it's just. I hope that you're just surrounded with like people that, that, that really love you. That and you can like focus on something else. Me personally, as almost a 36 year old, I'm 35. You were only with them for a year. So like, honestly, personally, like, I know that might be a long time, but I feel like it's better that you weren't with them for that long because it would have hurt more if you were with them for a lot longer. Because one year, to be honest, is not that long. You can't do anything about it if somebody wants to move on. Am I right? Like, that guy must have been like, that's kind of like a dick move. Just what he did and just moved on completely. But that's life. And I just, I hope that time will heal you.

[Josh]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gaso]

I mean, time heals because she's. Yeah. Because she's, she's heard what he did, but the sad reality is that you didn't have what he was looking for. Yeah, that's just not, that's not what he wanted. And that, that doesn't mean that you don't have something people look for. Just. That's not what he wanted. And you know, you shouldn't feel, it's, it's okay to feel heartbreak, but I think time will just, just heal you.

[Josh]

I think the advice I would say as far as like moving forward is like, allow yourself to feel the way you feel and like, allow yourself to like really process how you feel. And I would focus on the good of your life and things that you are grateful for and, and knowing that like the best is yet to come for you.

[Gaso]

Yeah, 100%.

[Josh]

And the situation does suck and, and it, that it is what it is, but you can't focus on anything else outside of yourself.

[Gaso]

Yes.

[Josh]

Like you are the priority here.

[Gaso]

Yes.

[Josh]

Focus on things that make you happy. Focus on things that fulfill you. Don't get so caught up in the past or what you're looking for or whatever. It's like, focus on what you have now, what's present and, and, and working on yourself to be like the best version of yourself and learning to like focus that love that you're giving to him back to yourself. Yeah, you need to like, love all that energy you're giving towards him. It needs to be towards yourself. Because if you did give that energy towards yourself, you would not be feeling the sense of regret or remorse or whatever because the truth is he's gone. He selected somebody else. But you can always choose you. So I would say choose you every time.

[Gaso]

And the thing is, is that when that happens and you finally meet somebody else. Don't compare that last relationship to this new one neither. Like start, start fresh. Start, start, start fresh. Cuz what happens is then you bring that negative energy into this new relationship and it starts denting that. Cuz you can't compare this new guy to your old guy either.

[Josh]

I think why people do that is because they don't allow themselves to fully heal from like previous like relationships. So I think like with her another great advice is like let yourself heal. Don't rush into anything because you're looking to be fulfilled by another person. Like make sure you're fulfilled with yourself. Allow yourself to heal. Go through this process. Healing looks so different for so many people. Don't let anybody tell you, especially somebody on the Internet. You should, you should be over it already. Like you, you're going to heal in your own way and it's going to look a lot different to you than it does to the next person. But make sure that you are taking the steps to, to heal and, and, and never forget to have like gratitude in your life. Like that's like the main thing that I would say like to focus on. But it does suck, dude. Like when you're all in on somebody and you get like blindsided and they like decide to choose another person over you. Like dude, that is a shot. Yeah, that's a shot. And that, that hurts. That hurts. So it's okay that you're hurt. It's okay. But you got to start working on yourself. You got to, you got to take it back to, to, to you.

[Gaso]

And this whole like I, I feel self confident like because you are confident, it's just whatever happened, happened. But like don't ever take it, take anything away from yourself. Be who you are. Still don't change and, and don't feel like there was anything wrong with you. Cuz there wasn't. It's just things happen. You know what I mean? Because a lot of people, they start like doubting themselves. What did I do wrong? Should I change? No, no, no, no, no. You will find somebody who loves you just for who you are and that's it. And be yourself. Cuz once you start changing, even if you find somebody else and you are changed I guess or whatnot, you want to be happy with being who you are. Like genuinely who you are. But yeah, I think you should definitely heal yourself first time will heal you. So it's okay. We'll give you a virtual hug from here. Yeah, but yeah, that's like bro, I've been, I'VE been cheated on. That. It's not a joke. Like, it really hurts.

[Josh]

Cheating is one thing, but, like, leaving because he. He didn't cheat on her. He just left her for another girl. Like, that's, you know, like, that's. That's different, bro. It's like, hey, I'm choosing this other person over you. It's the same thing as cheating, for sure. But it's like, it's. It's still, like, a little bit different. It has a different way, too, for sure, you know, because he. At least he was like, hopefully he didn't cheat on her, but at least he was like, I can't do this because there's somebody else. Yeah, but that hurts. That's a shot to the ego. Yeah, that's a shot to the ego.

[Gaso]

And it takes time, but I promise you, not my solo Ayuna. So it's like, you know, just focus on yourself and just heal. And don't let him, like, control your emotions going through all. Because it does not only just affect you, it affects your work, it affects family. It affects, you know, everything else. Yeah, but like, even, like, being devil's advocate, like, do you, like, are you mad at the guy?

[Josh]

No, that's what I'm saying. Like, I got to give him credit for at least being. I don't know, hopefully he didn't cheat.

[Gaso]

On me, just based on what we're seeing here.

[Josh]

Like, he had a conversation with her and he was able to be honest about how he feels. Like, dude, that says a lot. And at least he had. At least he had the courage to tell you so you can move on and.

[Gaso]

And.

[Josh]

And heal.

[Gaso]

You know what I mean?

[Josh]

But. And not cheat on you.

[Gaso]

That's why I said, like, I'm sorry. It's just. It wasn't what he was looking for, truly. Yeah. You know, but that doesn't mean that there's. You don't offer anything. You. You do it just. Yeah, that's just not what he wanted. So you can't be mad at that either. But, yeah, time will heal for sure.

[Josh]

She asked. She said, why do I still miss someone who chose to hurt me and who chose not to be with me? The heart is so complicated. There's no answer to that. You know, I think that's normal. That's human, like, emotions. You were attached to somebody, so it's like, not. You're not just gonna, like, up in. There's no switch. Like, humans don't operate on switches, right? There's no, like, okay, I don't, like, this person anymore. I don't like how to feel. I'm not gonna feel for them. You're going to feel for them, you know, So I think that's like a human. But don't, like. Don't beat yourself up for that either, you know?

[Gaso]

Yeah. You can't. And that's why I said, like the very beginning, I said, that's just life.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

Things happen. That's life. You get, you. You. You love something and then it hurts you. And statistically, it might not be your first time, might be your second. What, heartbreak again.

[Josh]

Oh, yeah.

[Gaso]

You know? Yeah, I see it.

[Josh]

It hurts less and less, though. Yeah.

[Gaso]

You just become a cold.

[Jess]

Sometimes when you're in the middle of all of this. And six months isn't a long time to get over someone.

[Josh]

Right.

[Jess]

Like you. It kind of sounds like we're in love with.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Jess]

You know what I mean? And that's always going to be rough when it doesn't work out, when love isn't reciprocated, it's always rough. But we don't know what's in store for us in the future. You know what I mean? And everything. I am a firm believer in that everything always happens for a reason. So just kind of like, trust in that. Trust in that there's a plan for you that you might not understand right now, that you might not really see. See, and that you're gonna get through it. You know, it's just a temporary situation.

[Gaso]

Yeah.

[Jess]

And allow yourself to feel it, like Josh said. But, you know, just know that there's gonna be better days ahead. Like, the pendulum swims both ways. Right. Like, you're gonna be really sad one day. You could be really happy. And like, similarly, in relationships, like, it didn't work out for a reason, and even though you don't understand, maybe just focus on. On that and try to believe in that and. And hope for that, you know, And. And you don't know what the future has in store for you. Maybe this is clearing the way for someone even better that's going to come along that you would. That you wouldn't have met if you had been with this person. So. Yeah. I'm sorry, girl.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

Yeah. I'm so sorry that happened. What a dick. No, this just life, man.

[Josh]

Are we resetting?

[Jess]

Reset real quick.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

Oh, wow.

[Jess]

No. Kid Kong Fade have allegedly broken up.

[Josh]

Wait, isn't that. Didn't they break up a while ago?

[Jess]

Oh, this news to me.

[Josh]

Oh, I had. I heard they had broken up a While ago.

[Gaso]

Says 11 minutes ago on Complex.

[Jess]

Oh, maybe you knew something we didn't drop.

[Josh]

Damn. He hit me up. Oh, yeah, he did Tell me that. You guys just find out.

[Gaso]

Damn, that's crazy.

[Josh]

They.

[Gaso]

They look like they're gonna go, you know, the whole way.

[Josh]

You know who I thought was gonna go all the way to Rao and Rosalia? Dude, I was. I like them. I like them. I don't think I was ever been, like, invested in a relationship where I was like, damn, I could, like. I really like them together.

[Gaso]

They're both a cute couple.

[Josh]

It could have just been the tik toks they were making so that I was, like. I was sold on them. I was like, they love each other so much.

[Gaso]

Yeah. And then I can't believe Rosalia was, like, lowkey dating the guy from the bear. What's his name again?

[Josh]

Like, pretty quick after.

[Gaso]

Yeah, I. With that, too. He's so cool.

[Josh]

But they're two different.

[Gaso]

Like. But that was just, like, a thing, huh?

[Josh]

I don't think that that was, like, a fling.

[Gaso]

Yeah.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

Who knows?

[Josh]

That's crazy.

[Gaso]

Dang. So they broke up, huh? K and Allegedly.

[Jess]

Yeah, apparently.

[Gaso]

Damn. Well, they. Yeah, they don't really, like, post each other anymore like that. They don't have a kid or anything. No, no, no, no.

[Josh]

Yeah, they were just.

[Gaso]

Do you feel like. You feel like Karl G. Is looking for love? Like that, like, wants to get married?

[Josh]

Yeah. Why do you say that? Why do you ask that? You don't think so?

[Gaso]

Well, yeah. Well, because she's. She's always in a relationship, so I'm like. She's always trying to, like, maybe, like, find it. Find it. Maybe you have a family. I don't know. There. There's.

[Josh]

Who's.

[Gaso]

Who's wrong, you know? Like, I feel like I know it was just not it. That guy's kind of. Yeah, it's kind of like. And. But Faye, I feel like, you know what? I. I told you, I can see through people's eyes, you know? Like, I know, whatever. You're cool. You make good music, but I. I just didn't see it. And with Faye, I saw a little bit. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. Like, I wonder, you know, you get so interested in, like, who didn't want it.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

You know what I mean? Or, like, who up? Or, like, why didn't it work out? Or is it just. They're just too. Maybe they love each other, but they're just too busy or they never see each other, and they rather, you know, like, not. You know, it doesn't always have to be like, what was wrong? Right. It's just like, yo, maybe we were just too busy and didn't work out. It didn't work out. But then the question is, it's like, but if you really, really love me, do we make it work out no matter what? You know what I mean?

[Josh]

Fade is known, like, I think his most, like, viral songs are, like, breakup songs, right? Like, what if this is all an artist play? Like, I heard Drake does that, right? Like, he puts himself in these, like, emotional situations, like relationships, just to feel heartache, to be able to write music, bro. Fade's biggest hits are breakup songs. Like that he feels like after, like, the girl left him and like, that. Not saying that's it, but just imagine it's a podcast.

[Gaso]

Yeah.

[Josh]

You know, think about it.

[Jess]

We're about to get an album.

[Josh]

Because.

[Gaso]

You know, you wonder, like, dang, was there something wrong on one side or was it a mutual agreement? But, you know, humans are humans, and even if you have a lot of money like they do, you would feel like you could just figure it out. Right. But who knows?

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

It's neither. Neither there nor hair.

[Jess]

One last one.

[Gaso]

Okay.

[Jess]

For the vibes. Is it a red flag if he doesn't want to post you on his social media app at all?

[Josh]

Yeah, that's a red flag for sure. Yeah, that's a red flag.

[Gaso]

Yeah, I would say.

[Josh]

I would say at all. It's kind of crazy, obviously. I hate to say this, but, like, we need a little bit more context. Like, how long have you guys been dating? Are you guys on your first day? According to Seva's, are ready to go. So you are here. But Sevas was, like, there was, like, a question when somebody asked, like, the guy posted me on, like, our first, like, date. Is it weird? Something like that. And some of us was like, no, I don't think it's weird at all. Like, we're like, what, bro? That's weird. So I guess, like, I don't know.

[Gaso]

I just felt like, if you want to hang out. Yeah, naturally. Hey, you know, if I wanted to. But if you're being a creep about, like, yo, I'm gonna post it so, like, my friends or, like, people can see that I'm with a girl or something, then that's kind of weird and different. But, like, naturally post or whatever. I guess. But yeah, but I. I get it now.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

Because the way that you guys were explaining it, like, kind of like a little soft launch. Yeah. It's kind of.

[Josh]

It's like A soft.

[Gaso]

Yeah, it'll be weird for the girl.

[Josh]

And the thing is, bro, like, we live in the. The age of, like, social media. Like, everybody over analyzes everything. As much as you want to be like, oh, it's just a post. Like, no, everybody over people are going to overanalyze it, you know?

[Gaso]

Yeah. Because this can go either way, right? Like, is it a red flag if he doesn't post me at all? Right.

[Josh]

That's a red flag, bro.

[Gaso]

Okay, but what about if, like. So, like. Because, yeah, obviously that's a red flag, but like, like, let's like, play like, devil's advocate, right? It's like, what about if, like, there's a girl in your life that you really like and you're not ready to show the world yet, but because you really like her and like, until. Until you know that you're gonna, like, really, really, really be with her and, like, commit to this, then you can do it because. Or else you're just gonna be the guy that posted it and then broke up with her. Or, like, it didn't work out. So, like, there's some guys that are, like, they have, like, anxiety from that. It's like, yo, I'm only gonna do this once. We're, like, ready to commit. Like, if. But if you guys already committed for a while and he still hasn't, then, yeah, obviously it's a red flag. Yeah, but, like, you know what I mean? Like, if you're dating somebody for a while. I don't know, like, at the end of the day, like, the world is the world. Humans are humans. He doesn't. Like, social media is just a tool. It shouldn't become a life. You know what I mean? But I get it as well.

[Josh]

I mean, I get it in this, if everything is like, not. Because there's a lot of guys who are just. Just not active on social media.

[Gaso]

Right? Yeah.

[Josh]

And if he's not po. If he's not even posting anything, then, I mean, I guess it's not like a red flag, right? Like, if this fool does not post, like, he just doesn't post nothing, you know? But if he's, like, actively posting and he's, like, dodging her, like, posting her, like, yeah, that's a red flag.

[Gaso]

Yeah. But I wish I was more like, are you guys together? Because if you're not, I don't think you should care.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

But I don't know. Yeah, I've never been in that world with social media. Yeah. I think if you're not getting posted on, like, national Women's Day or on your birthday or on your anniversary. It's not posting, then that's a huge red flag. But you guys are already together. That was my favorite woman.

[Josh]

That's adorable.

[Gaso]

Yeah. It just depends. It's so much depends. But if we're looking at it the way that I think we're all looking at it is, yeah, it's a red flag.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

You know, but I also want to know how long you've been with them. I want to know if. Does he really like you? But if I want to be on the guy's side, I'd straight up be like, there are some guys that sometimes they don't. They're not ready for that, you know, because it's maybe a big deal for them. I don't know. But I think it. It is a red flag sometimes. And it goes the same way with. With women. Why aren't you posting me? You know, why are you hiding me? But women like to have their guard up as well. Maybe he has his guard up. Who knows? We just need more context.

[Josh]

What do you think, Jess?

[Jess]

Yeah, I think you need to have a conversation. No, if this is something that's like a big deal to you, talk to them about it.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Jess]

You know, you don't know the reasons. You're right. Like, me, I'll go months without posting anything on my stories, you know, or like weeks, whatever. And. And sometimes it's just like that. Some people don't post the same way. Don't behave on social media the same way.

[Gaso]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, don't let social media be your world, your life. Like, oh, if he doesn't do this on social media, what does that mean? Yeah, bro, Some people don't look at social media like that.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

You know what I mean? Like, and I. And I respect that. If you don't look at it like that. Like, dude, I know so many people that, like, they don't give a.

[Josh]

About social at all, dude.

[Gaso]

And I'm like, dang, that's. That's kind of tight.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

You know, I respect that. Yeah, you don't care about what you post. You don't care about anything. You know, it's like, we're in this world and we do this, but there's some people that don't care. There's guys that don't care. They'll post their thing or whatever. Sometimes maybe I don't post it because I just like to only keep my page a certain way. I don't know.

[Josh]

Yeah. That was good. That was fun. Perspective of a man, huh?

[Gaso]

Yeah.

[Jess]

Of an.

[Gaso]

Perspective of an.

[Josh]

Yeah. Perspective of an.

[Gaso]

Yeah, those are really good. Thank you guys so much for putting those there. I know that we enjoy talking about that just as much as you guys like to listen to them. Please. We still have the. The docu file or whatever they're called, like, on the line, so put some more on there as well. It would be really, really helpful because we're gonna definitely do more of those.

[Josh]

Did these come from Instagram?

[Jess]

Yeah, some of them. Most of them. Yeah.

[Gaso]

Yeah.

[Josh]

Yeah, These are good. No, it's just crazy. Like, people just be out here, like, going through, man.

[Gaso]

Really?

[Jess]

You don't know how good you have it.

[Gaso]

Yeah, like.

[Jess]

And that's not just you specifically. Like.

[Gaso]

Yeah, anybody doesn't know how good you have it.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Gaso]

Yeah.

[Josh]

And heartache is such a son of a. Because I feel like a lot of these are like relationship ones. And like, damn. People can really hurt people in so many ways, bro. This is crazy.

[Gaso]

And it stays with you for a long time. It might stay with you forever. Like, it really, like, it really, like. Like that guy that just breaks up with her instantly like that out of nowhere. She probably didn't see it coming. Like, that messes with you, dude.

[Josh]

Major.

[Gaso]

But if you can. If you can. I'm not saying do it, but if you can, like, don't dwell on that with your next relationship because then the tarnishes that relationship too. Honestly, it's kind of like a vicious cycle. But you can't come. You. You can't dwell on it like that and then, like, act like you did something wrong too. Or, like, feel like I need to change and then, like, be somebody else because the way that I was naturally didn't help you. Don't. Don't do that.

[Josh]

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

[Gaso]

But yeah, have a great Monday. Have a great week. You too, Josh.

[Josh]

Thank you, sir. Yeah, I'm very excited about this week. I have a very fun filled week coming up. So, guys. Love you guys. This is the new steel right here.

[Gaso]

Yeah.

[Josh]

And we'll catch you guys next year.

[Gaso]

Next Monday, baby. November, San Approxima platica. You are only taking me to pound town.