← Lakepointe Church with Josh Howerton
Lakepointe Church with Josh Howerton
God's Blueprint For Lasting Marriage | Love Life | Pastor Mike Breaux
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Hey, guys, thanks for checking out this Bible teaching. Every week we release a podcast that corresponds to the sermon. It's like a little bit of a deeper dive where we hit some things that didn't make it into the sermon, some theological concepts. We talk about things that are going on in our culture and how to think about them from a biblical perspective. We call that podcast Live Free. An episode releases every Monday that corresponds to the sermon. If you would like to check out Live Free, just go to the Lake Pointe YouTube channel and look for the podcast tab there. We'll see you at Live Free. Now enjoy this Bible teaching.
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All right, what is up, everybody? Great to see you all. Welcome to Lake Point. Glad you're here. Hey, my name is Bro, by the way, in case we never met before and I get to be on the teaching team here. One of the great privileges of my life and want to welcome all of our campuses, those of you that might be joining us online as well. Man, super grateful for all y'. All. Well, if you've been with us for the last four weeks, you know that we have been living in the land of pomegranates and raisins and lotus flowers. We have been in awe of en Gedi, the cedars of Lebanon, and apple trees. We have explored, quote, unquote, the garden, climbed the palm tree, galloped with the stallion, frolic with the fauns, and the hills have been alive with the sound of Music. And if this is your first time here, you have no idea what I'm talking about right now. But this has been a fun and hopefully impactful series where we just been taking a fresh, honest look at passion, romance, sex, and intimacy from God's point of view in a very poetic and very mysterious song found in the Old Testament section of the Bible. I actually did a series on this song about a decade ago, and I called the series Explicit Lyrics. If you've been with us, you know why. It has been PG11 and beyond sometimes and all along the way. As I've read this again and as I've listened to Josh teach this out in such a compelling way, I got thinking. This song sounds like a country song to me now. It's not as country as Brad Paisley's. I want to check you for ticks, but. But it's close. It's close. Chapter six pushed me over the edge. This sounds like a guy from Kentucky or a guy from Texas wrote this, so I'm going to read it as such. Turn your eyes from me. They overwhelmed me. Your hair like a Flock of goats descended from Gilead. Your teeth are like a flock of sheep coming up from the washing. Each has its twin, not one of them's missing. See what I'm saying? The thing I love most about you babies, you ain't got no missing teeth. I mean, it's so romantic. It's just so romantic. Well, seriously, it is a beautiful, provocative, poetic, even practical song teaching us about love and relationships. And so far we have watched this couple in the song be attracted to each other and start dating each other, go through a courtship phase and they fall in love, they get engaged, they get married, they go on the honeymoon, they navigate their way through conflict. And I want to jump in to chapter eight for just a few minutes today and you can read chapter seven on your own if you'd like to and see some more steamy romantic stuff. You'll see they're still very enamored with each other and they're still very deeply in love. But here, toward the end of the song, Solomon and Beloved, as she's referred to in the song, are discovering what true love is really like. And I want you to check out how the lyrics begin. In chapter eight, she says this. Who is this sweeping in from the desert, leaning on her lover? Now, we're not sure just how old they are by now, but perhaps it suggests that to the point where they're leaning on each other. Now, strong marriages at any age are relationships where you lean on each other. But isn't it fun when you see an older couple still in love, still holding hands, still dating, still joking around, still traveling, going out to dinner at 3:30, still enjoying each other even though they might have to literally lean on each other. I heard about an older couple who was cuddling on the couch, watching tv, probably Wheel of Fortune or Weather Channel. And he starts kissing her on the neck and she says, I like that. Why don't you nibble on my ear like you used to? Well, the old guy gets up and he leaves the room. She goes, where are you going? He goes, going to get my teeth. I want to be that guy someday. I want to be that guy. So I want to work down through this short but truth filled passage and just point out a few things that our couple in this song have learned about true love. And the first one is this True love has a sense of grateful destiny. When she writes this section, it's like she's looking back, going through photo albums, scrolling pictures on her phone, smiling and reminiscing and pointing things out. And beloved says, hey, do you remember that time I aroused you under the apple tree? She's alluding all the way back to their courtship days, when they first began to have deep feelings for each other. You might even remember when she told him that he wasn't all intimidating like all the other towering trees of the forest, but he was more like an apple tree. She just felt shaded and protected with him. And then he tells her that even though she might consider herself just a common wildflower growing by the roadside, he saw her as a unique and beautiful flower that stood out from all the rest. I mean, their mutual respect for each other's character was growing. And in that moment of the song, they knew they were deeply falling in love with each other. So she fondly says, you remember that. You remember that. And then she adds this. Under the apple tree where your mother gave you birth. I think what she's saying here is looking back at the way our love has been woven together, I just. I don't know. I just feel like you were born for me and I was born for you, that there's a sense that God really brought us together. And I know what that feels like. I'm so grateful for way Back in the 1900s, on February 28th, Shirley Molly Watts had a little girl and named her Debbie. And I'm so grateful that my mom and dad decided to put me in the same church nursery as that little girl. And I'm so thankful that her dad would end up being my youth league basketball coach and that I would discover one day that those two brothers that I played ball with had a really cute sister. And I'm grateful that someone invited me to go to a church youth group deal. And a seat was open right next to their really cute sister. And a friend told me one night at a skating rink that she thought if I asked that Debbie girl out, that she would go. And that one day, under an apple tree. No kidding. Under an apple tree with an engagement ring tucked in my softball glove. And tell me I'm not romantic. That Debbie girl would say yes. And then on June 11, 1977, we would be married. And 48 years later, we would be blessed with such an incredible family. I'm just so blown away. I am so grateful, man. It just feels like it was woven together by the Destiny Maker. I mean, we both feel like God uniquely, like, drew us together. And that's why when our kids were born, we started praying for their potential mate. And today they all have phenomenal spouses, and we love them like they're our own kids. And each one would tell you how grateful they are for the way they feel. Like God just kind of brought them uniquely together. Now, please don't misunderstand what I'm saying. I put no stock whatsoever in the philosophy that there is, like, just a Mr. Right and a mis right out there. And then if you don't find them, you're gonna be miserable for the rest of your life. Oh, he walked by me that day at the Texas State Fair, and I just froze. I couldn't say anything. I walked past her in the hallway. I was gonna say something to her at church, but I didn't do it. And I know I blew it now. I missed my opportunity at tr. I don't think God works that way. Now, I do believe that God can use all kinds of circumstances, even unlikely ones, even tough ones, to cross people's paths and cause them to grow together. And it's so cool to watch that happen. Plus, I think I need to say this. You might be like some of my very good friends and feel like God wants to use your life as a deeply fulfilled single person. Listen to me, that is not second class status. In fact, according to scripture, it's a very worthy calling. We've seen some words in recent weeks about sexuality in 1 Corinthians 7 from the apostle Paul. In that same chapter, he says that singleness is a gift from God. So just be grateful for the way God is uniquely moving in your life and just pray, lord, show me your ways, teach me your paths, and guide me in your truth. And wherever you lead me, I'm gonna follow you. So she's looking back at their journey, and I think there's something else about love that they've learned. It's also tied to the same verse. True love journeys through pain. True love journeys through the pain. Cause in this verse, she not only expresses how grateful she is that his mom gave him birth, but she adds this where in great pain, she delivered you. I think she's saying, our love's been awesome. So grateful for the day you were born. I feel like God brought us together. But you know what? The journey hasn't always been easy. Because let's face it, life happens. Frankly, it's sometimes painful. Like, very painful. And the song is trying to tell us that true love is not always goosebumps and ecstasy. That person won't take your breath away every day. In fact, in the morning, you will want them to take their breath away. You're not always going to be weak in the knees with love. Sometimes life comes along and knocks you to your knees. But you know what? True love journeys through that pain. Now, again, this is a song. It's not an autobiography of Solomon's life. But the mention of Solomon's mom introduces another famous person into the song. Anybody remember who Solomon's mom was? Ever heard of a woman named Bathsheba? If there was ever a woman who knew about the pain of love, it was her. She had been happily married. Her husband was a good, loving man. She was proud of his character and his bravery. He was loyal to his friends and his fellow soldiers. He was highly respected among his peers, and she loved this guy. But one day, it all came crashing down. Solomon's father, King David, saw Bathsheba and wanted her for himself. After all, he was king and could take whatever he wanted. So in a selfish and outlandish abuse of power, he sleeps with her and then sends her home dishonored. And guess what else? Pregnant, the king, David first attempts to cover his tracks by bringing Bathsheba's honorable husband home from war, hoping he would sleep with her. This was before the days of DNA, paternity testing, all that kind of stuff, so no one would ever really know who the daddy was. That's the plan. But the loyal, honorable warrior totally messes up the plan by refusing to enjoy the love of his wife and the comforts of his home while his fellow soldiers are still out there fighting battles and sleeping on the ground. So he chooses to sleep outside. So now, desperate, David arranges to have this guy, Bathsheba's husband, killed in battle in such a way that it would appear to be a casualty of war. Well, the plan succeeds, and Bathsheba's husband is killed and her heart is shattered. She mourns again when the baby David fathered dies. David agonizes over his guilt and sin, eventually comes to terms with God about it all and tries to make things as right as they could be. And Bathsheba eventually grows to respect him for that, even grows to love him. As he grew to love her, her pain, his shame, began to recede. And she would find happiness in the birth of their second son, Solomon. She felt hope as she watched him play as a child and a sense of, like pride as he turned to this handsome, competent young man. But then David, the man she had grown to love, he dies. And she has to mourn that painful loss as well. But Solomon, her son, became the joy of her life. And when she placed that wedding crown upon his head, as he stood by his beloved, I'm sure her heart Overflowed with joy. Out of all the incredible pain in her life, out of all that had gone terribly wrong in her life, had come this son who was now a king and deeply in love with this amazing girl. So when Beloved compares the pain of love with the pain of childbirth, she is well aware that true love. True love, it journeys through the pain. How it's not always happily ever after, that life in this broken world can be really, really hard. And many of us know exactly what she's talking about. Because some of us have endured through the pain of miscarriages and infertility, the pain of job loss and bankruptcy and mental illness, cancer, very, very sick children, prodigal kids. We've known the pain of addictions and tragic accidents, even affairs. And God has been faithful to carry us through some of the toughest things imaginable in life. And when we go through all that hard stuff and we look back at how much we've grown as a person, and if you're a couple, you're able to look at each other and say, wow, and I thought I loved you back then. But we went into the tunnel of chaos and we met God there. And we humbled ourselves and we came out the other side even more deeply in love. Because true love journeyed with us through the pain. And here's the deal. True love journeys through the pain. Because true love is strong and it's secure. Check out these verses 6 and 7. She writes, Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death. It's jealousy as enduring as the grave. I heard a pastor say one time, when you get married, you get fitted for your tux and your casket at the same time. Now, he wasn't taking into account that most of us put on £50 after we get married. And that tux ain't gonna fit by the time we get in the casket. But what he was talking about was that marriage is a till death do you part kind of deal. See, here's the deal. Marriage is not a contract. It's a covenant. Marriage is not a contract. It's a covenant. And the seal that she's talking about here was not simply like a signature on the dotted line of some prenup agreement. It was a permanent mark of, I am exclusively yours and you are exclusively mine. It was a sign of ongoing security and protection. Seal me forever upon your heart, your arm. I grew up on an old song that said, you've lost that loving feeling. Whoa, that love and feeling bring back that loving feeling. Cause it's gone, gone, gone. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Like, I had it. I don't know. I don't know what I did with that. I had it, but I lost it. It was just here a minute ago. I must have set it down somewhere. Like, love is this thing, thing that you can fall into and fall out of. But here's what the song. Here's what the Bible teaches us. The marriage relationship is not a contract based on ifs. It's a covenant based on even ifs. It is a signed, sealed, delivered kind of love. Not always based on feelings, but based on a decision of the will. Now, granted, there are some things that can break that seal. And when I say an even if kind of relationship, I'm not talking about staying around even if he abuses you, or even if she cheats on you, or even if they abandon you. Just as we choose to love somebody, we can also choose to be selfish and act in ways that break that seal. What Beloved is saying is, I'm so grateful that both of us look at this as a permanent, good to the grave covenant relationship. We are committed to each other. She desires to be in his heart and on his arm as the most important person his life. Jesus Christ is my first love. I want to make sure I'm pouring into that relationship and letting him pour into me. But Debbie Breaux is the most important person in my life. I love my kids with all my heart. I would lay down my life for them. They know that I love my grandkids the same way. I love my friends the same way. I love the people I work with the same way. I love you the same way. But there's only one that's sealed in my heart. I can remember when my boys were little, if I heard them talk back to their mom in a disrespectful way, I wouldn't yell in from the other room, hey, don't talk to your mom like that. I would get up, pull them aside, and I would say to them, hey, guys, don't talk to my wife like that. It was like, whoa. Sorry, big guy. Now they knew. They knew I loved them unconditionally. They have never, ever doubted that. But they also never doubted that their mom and I were deeply in love. Because I was convinced that the best thing I could do for them as a dad was to love Jesus with all my heart and love their mom the same way right in front of them. Do you remember in the beginning of the song where she very sensually says that he was like, A pouch of perfume resting between her breasts. And now she's saying, man, it's so much more than that. It's so much deeper than that. We are sealed on each other's heart these days, and that kind of love brings strength and stability and security to the whole family, where everybody knows, I am yours, you are mine, and we both are his. Then the song says, this love flashes like fire, the brightest kind of flame. Many waters cannot quench love, nor can rivers drown it. Which is the fourth thing they've learned through the years about love, true love. It burns from an inextinguishable flame. I don't know whether you've noticed or not if you've been reading the song or not, but fire is a recurring image all throughout this song. There have been three flames burning the entire time, and they're based on three Hebrew words for love. There is the raya flame, the raya type of love, which is a friendship, I really like being with you kind of flame. There is the Dode word for love, which is the erotic, sensual, I think you're hot kind of love flame. And then there's the avaha, the act of the will, the selfless, sacrificial love flame. And listen to me, all three flames come from the same inextinguishable source. You might remember the story about Moses, this prince of Egypt turned fugitive on the run. He's hiding out in the back backside of a mountain called Mount Sinai when he encounters this burning bush. The bush is on fire, but the bush won't burn up. And from those flames, God speaks to Moses. But in that picture, God is revealing himself as the unquenchable, inextinguishable self. Combusting, self existent, never burns out source of true love. He is the eternal flame. And I'm telling you, unless you're hooked up with him in an intimate relationship, you'll never be able to bring love in its full extent to any of your relationships. Solomon would write a little bit later in the Book of Proverbs, he would say, what a man, what a woman desires is an unfailing love. What a man, what a woman desires is an unfailing love. I think we all sense that's true. So we go on a quest looking for it. And our culture is all about love, right? Bookstore shelves sag with the weight of volumes of romance novels and Hollywood's cranking out love story after love story. And how many love songs have been sent out over the airwaves at night by Delilah for those looking for Love, you know, songs like Ed Sheeran's, you know, I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms. You look perfect tonight. John Legend's all of Me loves all of you. And one of my all time favorites, ain't no mountain high enough, Ain't no valley low enough, Ain't no river wide enough to keep me from getting to you. I'm thinking you might need a restraining order. There's all kinds of love songs and all kinds of romantic movies, and some are great and some are pretty cheesy. I was flipping channels the other night and I saw it again on tnt. It's that old movie starring Tom Cruise, a young Tom Cruise as sports agent Jerry Maguire. And there are three famous lines from that movie. Do you remember what they were? The most famous line in the movie probably is show me money. Right? The second oft quoted line, it was uttered by Jerry's wife, played by Bernay Zellweger, was, you had me at hello, right? But there's the one that just kills me when he gives his wife this I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you, look and says, you complete me. Debbie and I have been dating for five decades now. She's my soulmate, she's my best friend. I'd rather hang out with Debbie Breaux than anybody else on this planet. I miss her a ton when I'm traveling. I can't wait at the end of the day to get home and just be with her. But make no mistake about it, she does not complete me. And I know this might come as a shock to you, but she will say, I don't complete her either. Jesus Christ completes us. And because of him we are able to bring a more complete person to that relationship. Here's the deal. To expect another imperfect human being to complete you, man, that's unfair. We are all created with this God shaped hole in our heart. And to expect somebody else to fill up that hole is setting yourself up for huge disappointment and setting the relationship up for a long uphill struggle. Now, this is a very simple diagram. I've drawn this throughout the years. I don't know how many times. In fact, I actually just drew it on a napkin this week at a restaurant talking to a couple that's getting married at the end of the month. Just a simple triangle with a husband in one corner, wife at the other, and God at the top. And what happens is husbands and wives want to grow closer together, right? So we start to grow closer together. And because like I said, every Human being's been created with a God shaped hole. God created us to be empty unless we're filled up with him. And so we start, there's something, our relationship's pretty good, but there's just something missing. And not always, but a lot of times it's the wife who figures it out first. And so she says, you know what? I think it's God. So she starts moving toward God and the husband goes, where'd she go? And then he starts seeing changes in her life and goes, wow, there's something to this. So he starts going toward God. And look what happens as both of them individually start pouring into relationship with the living God. The three of them meet at the top. And I'm just telling you from experience, that is one sweet relationship. When all those flames intertwine, the Bible tells us that a cord of three strands, man, that's not easily broken. Remember what Solomon said, right? What a man, what a woman desires, is an unfailing love. I looked through the Bible and I found that little phrase, unfailing Love appears over 40 times in scripture. And every single time it's used, it's used in connection with the only one who can actually give it. Just look at four or five of them. You can jot them down or take a screenshot with your phone if you'd like to, but. Psalm 30, 32:10. Unfailing love surrounds those who trust the Lord. Psalm 33:5. The Lord loves righteousness and justice. The earth is full of his unfailing love. Psalm 36:7. How priceless is your unfailing love. Both high and low among men. Find refuge in the shadow of your wings. Psalm 130, verse 7. Hope in the Lord, for with the Lord there is unfailing love and an overflowing supply of salvation. Psalm 17. Show me your unfailing love. In wonderful ways you save with your strength those who seek refuge from their enemies. Guard me as the apple of your eyes. You know that? Do you know you were the apple of God's eye? Hide me in the shadow of your wings. In other words, wrap your strong loving arms around me and gang. We all long to be loved. With a love like that. We all long to be the apple of someone's eye. We all long for an unfailing love, one that is constant, one that will not disappoint, one that won't bail out on us. One that is compassionate, one that is dependable, one that is unconditional, one that is perfect. Some of you might have been thinking throughout this series. I hear you guys, but you have no idea how lonely I've been since my spouse walked out or since he or she broke up with me. I want you to listen to what God says to those of you who might be feeling lonely and feeling like something has been ripped from your life. This is God speaking to you. Please hear God speaking this to you. Don't be afraid. You will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace. You will not be humiliated. For your maker is your husband. The Lord Almighty is his name. God's saying, my love. My love will never bail on you. Some of you might have been saying throughout the series, well, you're not a family like mine, man. My parents don't give a rip about me. In fact, they even said they wish I'd never showed up. Or I got some pretty deep mother wounds. I got some really deep father wounds. Or maybe things just blew up at home and you don't see eye to eye anymore. There's constant tension going on. Maybe a pretty stressful split happening, or maybe you're living alone in a city or on a college campus or tiny dorm room or a lonely apartment. Any sense of family feels very, very distant from you. But here's a word for you. In fact, this is my wife's favorite verse of scripture. In Psalm 68, a father to the fatherless, a defender of widows is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, because that's what unfailing love does. And there's only one place you can get a love like that. I agree with Brendan Manning, who writes in his book Abba's Child. If we want the truly love, we must return again and again to the great love of the great lover. You know, all the advice, all the wisdom, all the principles that we've been talking about throughout this series is super helpful. And we pray that you will apply them to your relationships. But I'm telling you, the most important thing you can do in your life is get to know God's love. Grasp it, let it eat through you. Let your roots grow down into his unfailing love. Let him complete you. Because when you do, then you're able to bring a better kind of love to every relationships. And all the flames intertwine and are fueled by the inextinguishable source of love, the living God. I remember back in high school, guys would ask each other because guys could be idiots. Hey, man, you and your girlfriend, you know, you know, gone all the way. Most of us had no idea that God's plan for sex was exclusively for marriage. Plus, we had no clue what going all the way really means. My friend Billy does, though. I got to do his wife's funeral a few months ago. His wife, Tandy, was a remarkable woman who just lit up a room. So many friends and made such a difference in people's lives. But she contracted als, and it was a long, slow process. He became the primary caregiver and taking care of two kids at the same time. Two small kids. And it was a hard life. And like I said, she's a remarkable person. She got to the point where she just had to lay in bed all the time, and she really couldn't move. And so they found an iPad where they could put it on a little table thing, and she could look at the iPad and blink and move the cursor with her eyes and then blink letters and numbers. And she posted all the time on social media. She used that iPad to plan a trip for her husband and her kids to go to Disney World. And she planned the entire trip. And then she FaceTimed with them while they were in Disney World, because she obviously couldn't go. And she got to share in their joy on the trip to Disney World. And then she passed away. She planned her funeral on an iPad. And we did everything she wanted to do in the funeral. It was really, really a cool day that we got to celebrate her life. But after she passed, I went over to the house to talk to Billy about the funeral, and. And he just opened up and shared a bunch of stuff. He said, come in here. I want to show you something. Took me in their bedroom, and there were crosses all around the room, hanging on the wall where people had sent her crosses from all over the world. Literally, that was something she wanted to collect. And so people would send her crosses all the time. It was really cool. But then everything else in the room, too, was like, stack of diapers over here, bedpan, wheelchair walker, an apparatus that would lift you up and out, in and out of a tub. Just every kind of medical device you could think of was in the room. Just cluttered in this room. And he said, oh, man, I'm so sorry for the mess. And then he paused. I'll never forget this. It's marked my life forever. He paused and said, but this is what love looks like. This is what love looks like. And he's right. He's right. That's what love looks like. Because true love begins with selflessness, and it matures through the journey of life with joy and pain and sickness and health and Better for worse and richer for poorer. It's constant and it's strong and it's secure and it's unquenchable because it reflects the one who is the source of all love, the one with unfailing love, the one relationship that enhances all other relationships. I just got to put all of our cards on the table. You see, our biggest hope for this series, our biggest hope for this series is that you would fall in love with Jesus, the one who loves you with a love that's higher, wider, longer and deeper than you could ever imagine. See, this song is not only a manual for healthy romance and intimacy, it's a beautiful picture of the unfailing love God has for you. He pursues you. He finds you irresistible. He longs for you, wants to be with you, wants to walk through life with you. He will let you lean on him. He'll protect you and shade you, make you feel secure and accept it. He'll drive away your fears, make you feel safe. And he'll teach you how to really love. And so, Father, I just thank you for that reality. Thank you for being the source of true love, for being that unquenchable, inextinguishable flame. And, Father, I pray that everyone in this place, whether they're single or married or dating or whatever, we just fall in love with you so that we could all bring better people to all of our relationships. God, I pray with all my heart that all of us would grasp how high, how wide, how long, how deep your love is for us, that we would know unfailing love, that we would return again and again to the great love of the great lover so that we could give that kind of love away. Thank you, Father, what you've been teaching us. And I pray all this in your name, Jesus. Amen.