Podcast Summary

Lakepointe Church with Josh Howerton
Episode: The Building Blocks For Godly Dating: Single AND Married | Love Life
Date: August 24, 2025
Speaker: Pastor Josh Howerton

Episode Overview

In this episode of Lakepointe Church's "Love Life" series, Pastor Josh Howerton explores "The Building Blocks For Godly Dating" with practical and biblical principles for both singles and married couples. Drawing from Song of Solomon chapters 2 and 3, Pastor Josh addresses dating in marriage, cultivating marital intimacy, setting godly standards for children, and dispelling cultural myths about romance. The message offers actionable steps and honest reflections in a humorous and direct style, making biblical truths relevant to relationships today.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Spiritual Battle Over Relationships (03:21)

• God has a plan to bless marriages and Satan has a plan to destroy them.
• Quote:
  "God has a plan to bless your life and your marriage, and Satan has a plan to steal, kill, and destroy your life and marriage. And ultimately, you get to decide which plan you're on." – Josh Howerton (03:56)

2. Godly Pursuit in Relationships (06:15)

• Song of Solomon exemplifies the model of romantic pursuit, with the future husband as initiator.
• Principle 1: In a godly relationship, a husband pursues his wife—even after marriage.
• Quote:
  "If you dated her to get married to her, date her to stay married to her." – Josh Howerton (20:15)

Why Should Husbands Date Their Wives? (08:32)

1. Misery-proofing Your Wife:

   • A joyful, growing wife reflects well on her husband; a downtrodden wife signals neglect.
   • Quote:
     "Ultimately, over time, your wife is your resume." – Josh Howerton (10:41)

2. Fair-proofing Your Marriage:

   • Husbands should not neglect pursuit lest someone else attempts to fill the void.
   • "Date your wife before somebody else tries to." – Josh Howerton (19:59)
   • Responsibility for infidelity always falls on the betrayer, but husbands should avoid leaving gaps for temptation.

3. Loser-proofing Your Daughter:

   • How a husband treats his wife sets the standard for what his daughter will accept from men.
   • Quote:
     "If you treat your wife poorly, what you are doing is giving permission to every man that comes into her orbit for the rest of her life to treat her like that and her be okay with it." – Josh Howerton (26:20)
   • Memorable story: Pastor Josh shares pride as his daughter rejects a school crush for not holding doors—mirroring what she's witnessed at home (28:55).

4. God-proofing Your Prayers:

   • 1 Peter 3: Husbands must live with their wives in understanding, or God will not heed their prayers.
   • Quote:
     "If you love me but you cuss her, I punch you." – Josh Howerton, on how he’d react to disrespect of his daughter, paralleling how God feels about His daughters (33:14)
   • If you mistreat your wife, God may withhold answers until you change.

Practical Tips for Husbands (36:30)

• “Lead with lets”—be the one to initiate quality time, prayer, church attendance, and MORE.
• Date night trick: ask "Guess where we're going?" and let her pick by her first guess (40:30).
• Use conversation questions for deeper connection; top suggestion: "What are three ways I'm blessing you right now, and one way I could bless you more?" (42:19)

3. Wives’ Role in the Pursuit (45:12)

• Principle 2: In a godly relationship, the wife makes it fun to be pursued.
• Reference to Song of Solomon where the woman is excited and intentional in making herself attractive; she’s emotionally engaged in pursuit.
• Quote:
  "Ladies, be fun to actually date!" – Josh Howerton (47:16)
• Warning: Avoid a critical, negative spirit; negativity kills intimacy (“drip, drip, drip” analogy and Proverbs reference).

4. Biblical Wisdom for Singles (50:31)

• From Finding to Becoming

  • Don't search for "The One"; focus on becoming the right partner.
  • Quote:
    "If you open your Bible asking, 'how do I become the type of person who would be an amazing spouse?' Every verse is speaking to you." – Josh Howerton (53:41)

• Addressing the "Myth of The One" as harmful and unbiblical.

• Practical example: Ninth-grade boys list ideal wives—Josh asks, “Would that girl marry you?” (55:30).

• Dating is a Process, not a Status

  • Purpose of dating: to discern marital suitability, not linger indefinitely.
  • Parents should protect children from "using" relationships (59:50).
  • Quote:
    "Do not date until you’re ready to move towards marriage—and do not date someone you would not consider for marriage." (1:02:30)

• Clarity and Intentionality in Pursuit

  • Men: be clear, honorable, and specific when asking for dates—use the word “date,” offer an out, don’t mislead.
  • Women: temper expectations; attraction can grow with character and connection.
  • Quote:
    "Character is more important than cute, and attraction grows with connection." (1:07:40)

5. The Biblical Blueprint for Relationship Foundations (1:09:07)

• Right Order of Relationship Building:

  1. Spiritual: Are they running toward Jesus with you?
  2. Social: Get the person around godly friends/family—invite community input.
  3. Personal: One-on-one time, conversation, learning about each other.
  4. Emotional: Emotional bonds form, leading to romance.
  5. Physical: Sex and physical intimacy reserved for after marriage.

• Cultural Reversal:

  • Culture flips the order: starts physical, gets emotional, then social, then considers spiritual/marriage last—leads to instability.
  • Quote:
    "If you are not married yet and you're moving towards it, listen to me: Lake Point Church, let's build it the right way." (1:14:45)

• Redemptive Hope:

  • If you’ve built out of order, God can restore what’s broken.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Dating in Marriage:
  “The grass isn’t greener on the other side of the fence. The grass is greener where you water it.” – Josh Howerton (22:52)
• On Setting the Example for Children:
  “You’re loser proofing your daughter.” – Josh Howerton (26:00)
• On Clarity in Dating:
  “If you ask her something stupid like, ‘Hey girl, you want to chill sometime,’ she doesn’t know what you’re talking about.” (1:05:12)
• On Biblical Order of Love:
  “We are not a bunch of good people trying to tell bad people how to be good. We are a bunch of forgiven nobodies trying to tell everybody about a somebody who can redeem anybody and anything. He can do that for you and can do that in your marriage.” (1:15:50)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 03:21 – God’s plan vs. Satan’s plan for marriage
• 06:15 – The biblical case for dating/pursuit in marriage
• 08:32 – Four reasons husbands must date their wives
• 19:59 – “Date your wife before someone else tries to”
• 26:20 – “Loser-proofing your daughter” & fatherly legacy
• 33:14 – God withholding prayers from disrespectful husbands
• 36:30 – Practical tips for leading and initiating
• 42:19 – The “blessing question” for deeper conversation
• 47:16 – Wives: Making it fun to be pursued
• 50:31 – Advice for singles: shift from finding to becoming
• 55:30 – The “would she marry you?” exercise
• 59:50 – Only date if it’s unto marriage
• 1:02:30 – Not dating someone you wouldn’t marry is “using them”
• 1:05:12 – Importance of clear, intentional dating
• 1:09:07 – The biblical order of building relationships
• 1:14:45 – Call to build it the right way
• 1:15:50 – Closing charge: hope and restoration in Christ

Final Action

If you want to grow as a disciple, regardless of relationship status, Pastor Josh invites you to join Rooted, a 10-week discipleship experience designed to transform your walk with Christ and your relationships.

This podcast delivers courageous biblical guidance for real-life relationships, making it relevant and challenging—sometimes with humor, always with hope. Listening is recommended for anyone seeking to thrive in singleness, dating, or marriage with a God-centered focus.