What if sexual freedom isn’t something we need to fight for, but something we’re being invited to remember?

In this episode of The Language of Love Conversations, I sit down with Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah, one of Africa’s most influential feminist voices and the author of the powerful new book Seeking Sexual Freedom: African Rites, Rituals, and Sankofa in the Bedroom. Nana is also the award-winning writer behind The Sex Lives of African Women, and her work has sparked global conversations about pleasure, liberation, and the deeper truths women share across cultures.

In our conversation, we delve into her new book, which is part travel log, part cultural excavation, and part manifesto. Together, we explore African traditions around sexuality and pleasure that existed long before colonization and how those traditions challenge many of the stories women have inherited about desire and shame.

What I love most about Nana’s work is that she doesn’t frame sexual liberation as something women must rebel toward. Instead, she invites us to remember.

We talk about traditions like the “sex auntie,” communal rituals where women gathered across generations to share wisdom, and the importance of embodiment. Nana also shares how reconnecting with movement and our bodies can help us step out of shame and rediscover sensuality.

If you’ve ever felt disconnected from your body, burdened by shame you didn’t ask for, or curious about what pleasure might feel like if you could unlearn everything you were taught, this conversation is for you.

We dive into:

The meaning of Sankofa and how reclaiming the past can restore sexual freedom
How colonialism interrupted natural freedom, leading to modern shame, homophobia, and marginalization
The role of sex aunties (Senga) in guiding young women toward body confidence and pleasure without shame
Rituals and rites of passage that created safe spaces for learning about sex
Embodied practices like dance and movement as pathways to pleasure
How sexual confidence influences confidence in the rest of our lives
The trauma of female genital mutilation (FGM) and efforts to preserve cultural rites without harm
What sexual freedom actually feels like in the body
How we can all create new rituals for ourselves, our daughters, and our communities
Why intergenerational conversations about sexuality matter

Remember, sexual freedom may not be something we need to fight for. It may be something we’re being invited to rediscover.

To learn more, check out Nana’s book Seeking Sexual Freedom: African Rites, Rituals, and Sankofa in the Bedroom. You can also connect with her at darkoathewriter.com or on Instagram at @thesexlivesofafricanwomen.

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