"An Emergency With Our Closest Friend" (w/ Cole Escola) Producers Anna & Becca's Pick for Best of 2024

Summary

Las Culturistas: "An Emergency With Our Closest Friend" featuring Cole Escola

Podcast Information:

• Title: Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
• Hosts: Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
• Produced by: Big Money Players Network and iHeartPodcasts
• Episode: "An Emergency With Our Closest Friend" (featuring Cole Escola)
• Release Date: January 8, 2025

Summary:

In the "An Emergency With Our Closest Friend" episode, hosts Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang re-released their highly acclaimed conversation with guest Cole Escola, deeming it their third favorite episode of 2024. This episode delves deep into personal anecdotes, the intricacies of modern dating, mental health struggles, and the vibrant world of Broadway, all delivered with the trademark wit and candor that fans have come to love.

Re-release of the Cole Escola Episode

Producers Anna and Becca selected the Cole Escola episode as a standout for its compelling discussions and the chemistry between the hosts and guest. Matt expresses enthusiasm for sharing this favorite episode again with listeners, highlighting their admiration for Cole and his recent collaborations with Omar.

Dating App Fatigue and Creative Excuses

The episode kicks off with Matt lamenting the exhaustion that comes with modern dating apps:

Matt Rogers [03:34]: "I really want to brainstorm today with our noted queer guest. One of the biggest queers. That's gonna be really fun..."

Matt shares a relatable mishap where his AirPods fell onto train tracks, leading to a canceled date:

Matt Rogers [03:56]: "I did not hop on the track that says my dick appointment. Said I had to cancel."

Bowen critiques the cliché excuse of having an "emergency with our closest friend," labeling it suspicious and calls for fresh, more genuine reasons for cancellations.

Broadway and "Oh, Mary"

A significant portion of the conversation revolves around Broadway and the upcoming show "Oh, Mary." Matt and Bowen passionately defend the quality of Broadway productions, arguing that there's no need to "make it bigger and better." They humorously contemplate unconventional casting choices, even suggesting former President Donald Trump might fit into theatrical roles:

Bowen Yang [07:22]: "You don't get bigger than Broadway."

Cole Escola adds to the banter by praising the show's depth and expressing excitement for its previews:

Cole Escola [10:48]: "Who are they gonna believe, you know? Me or you?"

Mental Health and Personal Struggles

The trio openly discusses mental health challenges, with Matt admitting to being in a "bitchy mood" due to personal setbacks, including the AirPods incident:

Matt Rogers [03:17]: "I'm choosing to be authentic today and say I'm in a bitchy mood because of two things."

Bowen and Cole touch upon their own experiences with therapy and coping mechanisms, fostering a candid environment that resonates with listeners facing similar issues.

Birding: A New Hobby

Cole introduces birding as a newfound hobby, highlighting its therapeutic benefits:

Bowen Yang [88:49]: "It's a lot. And so no more ass eating 2024."

He explains how birding groups offer a sense of community and tranquility, contrasting it with more chaotic activities:

Cole Escola [89:33]: "And it's like, all you're doing is looking at a bird."

Humorous Banter and Pop Culture References

Throughout the episode, Matt, Bowen, and Cole engage in lighthearted humor, referencing pop culture phenomena, Broadway reviews, and personal anecdotes that add layers of entertainment:

Matt Rogers [76:03]: "I have to say, you were just saying before that it got almost nothing. I was like, oh, maybe it wasn't eligible."

They mockingly critique their own podcast dynamics, self-deprecatingly addressing their show's polarizing nature and the passionate responses from their audience.

Notable Quotes:

• Matt Rogers [03:37]: "I think that I really needed the dick after the AirPods went away."
• Bowen Yang [07:22]: "You don't get bigger than Broadway."
• Cole Escola [10:53]: "Ever been performed?"
• Matt Rogers [03:52]: "I have recently discovered about myself that I would like to be in a relationship."
• Bowen Yang [88:57]: "Just to walk around."

Conclusion

The "An Emergency With Our Closest Friend" episode offers a blend of humor, heartfelt moments, and insightful discussions. Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, along with guest Cole Escola, navigate through personal stories and broader cultural topics with authenticity and laughter. This episode not only highlights the hosts' deep connection with their guests but also underscores the podcast's commitment to exploring the multifaceted aspects of culture and personal identity.

Listeners who missed this episode can find it on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever they access their favorite podcasts.

Transcript

[Matt Rogers]

The dating app fatigue is real. Mindless swiping, meaningless DMs and an overwhelming amount of likes have made us feel more disconnected than ever. While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, there's one that's carved out of space for you to find yourself. Download F eeld F E E L.

[Bowen Yang]

D on F eeld, an app where curious people come to connect. You have the breathing room to explore your own desires and go on a journey wherein the person you discover is yourself.

[Matt Rogers]

In fact, 62% of field members evolve their sexuality, interests, and desires within their first year on the app.

[Bowen Yang]

You have the freedom to explore who you and what you like in ways you haven't imagined.

[Matt Rogers]

As part of this community, you'll quickly find that people regularly practice honesty and openness. See any field bio Download Field F E E L D on the App.

[Bowen Yang]

Store or Google Play.

[Matt Rogers]

PK I'm Jason Alexander.

[Jason Alexander]

And I'm Peter Tilden. And together our mission on the really Know really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions, like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure? And does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition sign Jason Bobblehead the ReallyNowilly podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Peter Tilden]

We want to speak out and we want this to stop.

[Bowen Yang]

Wow.

[Cole Escola]

Very powerful.

[Peter Tilden]

I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry.

[Matt Rogers]

I really wanted to be a Playboy model.

[Peter Tilden]

He was like, I'll take you to the top. I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From Novel Listen to the Bunny trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Matt Rogers]

Hey guys, this is executive producer Anna.

[Bowen Yang]

And I am here to present the.

[Matt Rogers]

Third favorite episode of this year that me and producer Becca chose as our fave.

[Bowen Yang]

And that is the Cole Escola episode. So we love this episode and wanted to re release it for you guys to listen to because Cole had such.

[Matt Rogers]

A great year with Omar and we're just such huge fans of theirs.

[Bowen Yang]

So we really hope you guys enjoy listening to this podcast again.

[Matt Rogers]

And yeah, we cannot wait for this new year to bring you guys all new guests and wonderful episodes of Las Culturistas.

[Bowen Yang]

And new episodes start releasing next week on Wednesday. So stay tuned for that and enjoy this episode of Cola Scola on Las Culturistas.

[Matt Rogers]

Thanks. Happy holidays. Look, man, there. Oh, I see. My, oh my. Bowen, look over there.

[Bowen Yang]

Wow. Is that culture?

[Matt Rogers]

Yes.

[Bowen Yang]

Goodness. Ding dong.

[Matt Rogers]

Las Culturistas calling. I just gave bir hands to the camera. It was involuntary.

[Bowen Yang]

Well, we. We do. Praise God.

[Matt Rogers]

Praise God. By the way, just so everyone knows, moving forward, this is officially a Christian Judeo Christian podcast. If you have anything to say negative about the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

[Bowen Yang]

Old or New Testament? Missy, can it, Missy. Yeah, you had a really tragic energy coming in. Not tragic energy, but you were a little ornery.

[Matt Rogers]

You know what, I actually, as I was walking here today, I was like, am I gonna show up as my bitchy self today or am I gonna. Or am I gonna put up a front? No, but I'm choosing to be authentic today and say I'm in a bitchy mood because of two things. And you know when two things go and everything else is the third thing?

[Bowen Yang]

Well, you know, for the domino effect to happen.

[Matt Rogers]

Now go on.

[Bowen Yang]

Two dominoes have to fall.

[Matt Rogers]

Uh huh.

[Bowen Yang]

Or one has to fall.

[Matt Rogers]

True.

[Bowen Yang]

But one has to knock into the second.

[Matt Rogers]

That's actually roller coaster number eight.

[Bowen Yang]

For the dominoes to fall, one has.

[Matt Rogers]

To fall into the second. Not our best.

[Bowen Yang]

So tell us what happened.

[Matt Rogers]

Well, the first thing was today I was coming back into New York City.

[Cole Escola]

Welcome, by the way.

[Matt Rogers]

Thank you so much. From Long Island, N.Y. because it was, of course, the day of Mothers. Mother's Day. I spent the day with Katrina and co and came back in today and was going to open my AirPods. Classic comedy. They fell out onto the train tracks.

[Cole Escola]

Classic comedy.

[Matt Rogers]

And would you believe there actually was a moment where I was like, can I go on the train tracks and get my AirPods? And I said, can you imagine that type of death for me?

[Bowen Yang]

Third rail. And then you were gonna get railed tonight.

[Matt Rogers]

Okay. So then the second thing was I get a text, like immediately after the airpods are gone. I did not hop on the track that says my dick appointment. Said I had to cancel. And I wanted to discuss the reason that he gave.

[Bowen Yang]

We don't know the reason. We're about to get the big review. No.

[Matt Rogers]

And I said, the snake is eating its own tail. In the gay community when it comes to reasons for canceling on dick appointments.

[Bowen Yang]

You'Ve heard them all.

[Matt Rogers]

This is one I've used Having an emergency with his closest friend. I said, you know what? Just say that your friend needs you. When you said closest friend, that's what that was the tell. I'm having an emergency with my closest friend and they really need me. Dot, dot, dot. Really wanted to hang out. Wondering about later or maybe when you get back to New York. This is fine. This is not a big deal. I'm just saying I've used that excuse. I'm not sure what the better excuse.

[Bowen Yang]

Would be, but those are two severe words that are used in proximity to each other. That is suspicious.

[Matt Rogers]

Emergency, closest emergency and closest friend. Like it's not just something came up, an emergency came up.

[Bowen Yang]

No, it's just a friend.

[Matt Rogers]

No, the closest friend. So what I'm saying is we need.

[Bowen Yang]

To come up with a new excuse.

[Matt Rogers]

We need new excuses. And I would love to brainstorm today with our noted queer guest. One of the biggest queers. That's gonna be really fun to talk to them.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, definitely.

[Matt Rogers]

But I think that I really needed the dick after the AirPods went away. I was already excited about it. You know who wants to fuck you? My dad.

[Bowen Yang]

We can't talk about.

[Matt Rogers]

No, actually, don't tell me what I can't talk about. I'm in a bad mood.

[Bowen Yang]

I'm not comfortable with you talking about your father being attracted to me.

[Matt Rogers]

So Bowen has been sort of hitting the gym.

[Cole Escola]

Hitting the gym.

[Matt Rogers]

And you better get comfortable with Lost coach becoming the poster children for sex because we're working so hard in the gym. I went to Barry's today, but this isn't about me. This is about Bo. My dad said when you did the Mother's Day bit with your mom, who was perfect.

[Bowen Yang]

Very, very sweet.

[Matt Rogers]

My dad goes, bowen looks fucking great. And he's saying fuck more than ever. Bowen looks fucking great. He's been in the fucking gym. Fucking looking toned, big arms. You don't have to know anything, okay? Don't piss me off.

[Bowen Yang]

Such a.

[Matt Rogers]

Go ahead, calm yourself down because you're out of control.

[Bowen Yang]

This is just. Is this what they call transference? I'm not getting.

[Matt Rogers]

He rubs himself. I'm getting transference. This is an auspicious day.

[Bowen Yang]

An auspicious day. We have our guests joining us back by popular demand.

[Matt Rogers]

Literally, they beg. They beg us to do.

[Bowen Yang]

They beg and plead and it wasn't the right time. And this is the right time because guess what? It's day one of their much deserved time off before previews begin for oh Mary on Broadway.

[Matt Rogers]

You don't get bigger than Broadway.

[Bowen Yang]

You don't get broader. Broader than Broadway.

[Matt Rogers]

There's no way up. There's not any bigger stage. A lot of people have been asking, do you. I swear to God. This is a con. This is a conversation I have constantly with people in the community. How do you think they'll make it bigger and better?

[Bowen Yang]

I don't think they have to. See, that's a.

[Matt Rogers]

And that's my answer to every single individual. Thank you, sis.

[Bowen Yang]

Bigger and better. Shut up. I said it's theater. It's already big and good.

[Matt Rogers]

It's already big and better.

[Bowen Yang]

Bigger and better.

[Matt Rogers]

Look, Bowen, I'm so happy that you have this.

[Bowen Yang]

I see. Now I'm pissed off.

[Matt Rogers]

We're so angry.

[Bowen Yang]

What do you. What else do you want? It is. I'm sorry. And I said this. I had the privilege of going opening night at the Lucille Lortel. I walked out of that saying, that is the funniest comedy play ever written, ever produced, ever performed. Why do we want more? Stop it.

[Matt Rogers]

Let me tell you something. Certainly.

[Bowen Yang]

Stop it with that. That colonial attitude.

[Matt Rogers]

Certainly the best thing that's been at the Lucille Lortel.

[Bowen Yang]

Hey, hey. All right. Let's not do that.

[Matt Rogers]

No, that's the best thing that's been at the Lucio level. Everything before it.

[Bowen Yang]

What about the Lyceum?

[Matt Rogers]

Lyceum, more like. I see them all flopping.

[Bowen Yang]

I see them all flopping at the Lyceum.

[Matt Rogers]

I see every. There's been no good theater.

[Bowen Yang]

There's been no good.

[Matt Rogers]

There's been nothing.

[Bowen Yang]

Careful now.

[Cole Escola]

Of salt.

[Matt Rogers]

Until now. And we were all talking about that, actually, right before we got on mic, we were all saying how there's been.

[Bowen Yang]

No good theater for decades.

[Matt Rogers]

Well, Cole came in and they said, thank God I decided to do the show.

[Bowen Yang]

Not since. What show has there not been good?

[Matt Rogers]

I don't think there's been anything good since Mame on stage. Since Mame.

[Bowen Yang]

And Sarah Jessica Parker agrees. Agrees. June 26 Previews begin 12 weeks at the Lyceum only. Give this person a fucking break. Please. Give Conrad Rick Amora a goddamn break.

[Matt Rogers]

No, I say continue to work him.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

He needs to stay busy. Keep the voices at bay. Crazy people. Everyone in the show is insane. And the people backstage are even crazier. Hannah Solo. God.

[Bowen Yang]

Hannah and Peter squawking, oh, my God. Selling their little baubles.

[Matt Rogers]

Selling their baubles backstage, trying the best they can to get on stage. Good luck. I say. This one's never getting sick.

[Bowen Yang]

Have fun with the little marbles and spilling them all over the floor. This one is never going to trip.

[Matt Rogers]

This one's never getting sick.

[Bowen Yang]

And if you do check, you're gonna see the bloomers.

[Cole Escola]

I'm sorry.

[Bowen Yang]

I'm spoiling the show. Yeah, I'm spoiling the show. Aren't we?

[Matt Rogers]

Well, here's a spoiler. It's incredible. And so is our guest. And when I say they beg, I mean the audience begs. The audience literally begs us to have Cole back because they don't like our other episodes.

[Bowen Yang]

No, it's true. They get mad when we.

[Matt Rogers]

They get furious.

[Bowen Yang]

It's okay. What can you do?

[Matt Rogers]

We're in our polarizing flop era. And it ends today with our guest, the one and only.

[Cole Escola]

Call us. Oh, my God.

[Bowen Yang]

Don't talk when we're talking. Don't talk when we're talking.

[Matt Rogers]

That was rude.

[Bowen Yang]

How dare you?

[Matt Rogers]

Don't you have enough stage time?

[Cole Escola]

You are trying to get me ruined.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, how so?

[Cole Escola]

I never said. I never said that there's never been any good theater.

[Matt Rogers]

Who are they gonna believe, you know? Me or you?

[Cole Escola]

Well, you're gonna get me in trouble because I'm part of the community now. I love every show that's ever been written.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, that's true.

[Cole Escola]

Ever been performed?

[Matt Rogers]

Well, what are the top three shows?

[Cole Escola]

Top three shows of all time.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Omari?

[Cole Escola]

No. Our Town, Our Town, Thornton. My Town, Thornton and the Town. Oh, I love the town.

[Matt Rogers]

Blake Lively was so good in that.

[Bowen Yang]

Blake Lively. Come back to Broadway.

[Cole Escola]

Come back to Blake Lively.

[Bowen Yang]

I would like to see that. Oh, my God, absolutely.

[Cole Escola]

Ariana, come back to Broadway.

[Bowen Yang]

So Cole would do the spit way back in the day where they pretend to be like. I mean, how about you tell it? I butcher this.

[Cole Escola]

I just. It's a character that's like all my other characters. It's just.

[Matt Rogers]

Crazy Woman.

[Cole Escola]

Crazy, crazy Woman. All she cares about is getting Ariana Grande back on Broadway.

[Matt Rogers]

Honestly, you're in the right place.

[Bowen Yang]

You're in the right direct line. Well, no, this. This is all set up to say first day onset of Wicked. My friend Colascola does this bit where they pretend to be this old woman, this theater going woman who all she wants. She goes to every show, but all she wants.

[Cole Escola]

Ariana, come back to Broadway. We miss you, sweetheart. Get on this side of the footlights again. I see you at the shows.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Do something besides Jason.

[Cole Escola]

Come on, jrb. Come on.

[Matt Rogers]

It's all the same. You said that before. Coming on the mic, too. JRB's all the same.

[Bowen Yang]

No, he's all the same.

[Cole Escola]

No, you are getting so.

[Matt Rogers]

Can you Imagine what you just did. I have in my mouth.

[Bowen Yang]

I was getting mucus up.

[Cole Escola]

Oh.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, my God.

[Cole Escola]

We need to start this over.

[Bowen Yang]

Let's start this over.

[Cole Escola]

I think we need to start this over. Listen, I think the listeners need to know that I've been doing eight shows a week for a long time.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Now explain. Hot explain what's going on.

[Cole Escola]

Vocally is tired.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Now, what's the pre show ritual? Grether's pastilles atomizer. What do you do?

[Cole Escola]

I do.

[Bowen Yang]

I.

[Cole Escola]

Vocal steam. I meet with Tony.

[Bowen Yang]

Tony. Roger Robbins.

[Matt Rogers]

Tony Robbins. Tony Robbins to center you.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Bring it on to earth.

[Cole Escola]

God, he's good.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

God, he's good. People forget.

[Matt Rogers]

They do forget.

[Cole Escola]

People forget how good he is.

[Matt Rogers]

Community remembers.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

[Cole Escola]

But I don't want to forget about the dick appointment excuses.

[Matt Rogers]

What's. What's your sort of whole read on that situation?

[Cole Escola]

You know what I think? Just saying. I need to reschedule.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, totally fine.

[Cole Escola]

I need to reschedule.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

Because it's so anxiety inducing. Because then you have to be like, oh, no, I hope your friend's okay. And then otherwise you're an asshole. If. Now I'm worried about this friend.

[Bowen Yang]

Closest.

[Cole Escola]

Closest friend. What kind of emergency?

[Matt Rogers]

Cause not for nothing, but if it's a real emergency, we might not be able to reschedule. You're going to be grieving.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

This is an emergency with your closest friend. How do you know Thursday is going to work? You don't know that. You've had an emergency with your closest.

[Cole Escola]

An emergency with your closest friend.

[Matt Rogers]

You don't know anything.

[Bowen Yang]

You can't plan out anything.

[Cole Escola]

Text them tomorrow. How's your friend doing?

[Matt Rogers]

Well, I think I might, you know.

[Cole Escola]

How's your friend doing?

[Matt Rogers]

It's like. It was the kind of thing where it was like. It went a little bit beyond, like, dick appointment because of how far it went in the verbally. In the sexting. And there even was some verbal. There were some voice messages sent back and forth. Do y'all do that?

[Bowen Yang]

Gay culture is gay courting. Gay courtship is over promising, under delivering.

[Cole Escola]

Constantly over promising, under delivering.

[Bowen Yang]

Don't you think?

[Cole Escola]

My mind went to the Olympics. My mind went to Carrie Stroh.

[Matt Rogers]

They're right around the corner.

[Bowen Yang]

You going?

[Matt Rogers]

You going?

[Cole Escola]

Yeah, I'll be there. Cause I have to promote the show right?

[Bowen Yang]

In July.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

12 weeks. When? When does that end?

[Cole Escola]

I can't help.

[Bowen Yang]

Help us.

[Cole Escola]

3, 4, 5, 5, 6, 7. Carry the one.

[Bowen Yang]

Carry the one.

[Matt Rogers]

We came up in the same Community.

[Cole Escola]

We came up in the theater. We both came up in theater.

[Matt Rogers]

Community. Carry the one at the same time.

[Cole Escola]

I don't know. Anyway, but September, I'll be in Paris for the Olympics promoting. Oh, Mary.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. Do you think they know who she is? Being that she's. I'm reading in my notes, a former first lady of the United States.

[Cole Escola]

Well, you know, I think a lot of people forget. Yeah, well, people forget.

[Bowen Yang]

Can I be honest and say, you were on Seth. It was perfect. Seth Meyers. Who? A friend of the community. Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

And little too friendly, I think.

[Matt Rogers]

Well, total gay guy.

[Bowen Yang]

He's arriving at that. Let him cook.

[Matt Rogers]

Let him come.

[Bowen Yang]

Let him come out.

[Matt Rogers]

Let him cook.

[Bowen Yang]

Let him come out. Let me.

[Cole Escola]

On his own terms. Right.

[Bowen Yang]

So you said on his show that you did almost no research, because. And I think this is so smart, because you would have written jokes that were like, well, that's gonna get a laugh. Because that's where she was.

[Cole Escola]

That's where she was born. Yeah. Well, I got a lot of people.

[Bowen Yang]

It's been fucking annoying.

[Cole Escola]

No, no, no, no, no. Like, just two people being like, oh, this person does no research, and now they get a play on Broadway.

[Matt Rogers]

Yes, actually.

[Bowen Yang]

Wow.

[Cole Escola]

You don't understand it. Decades of work that went into this play.

[Bowen Yang]

Yes. And it literally has been.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

15 years.

[Cole Escola]

15, 18, 19. Oh, God.

[Bowen Yang]

Carry the one, please.

[Matt Rogers]

Someone else carry the one. Yeah, someone carry the one. My back hurt. Someone else carry.

[Cole Escola]

Carry it, carry it.

[Bowen Yang]

They're pointing you at home carrying camera.

[Matt Rogers]

So why do you think she was so crazy?

[Cole Escola]

Mary?

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. What do you think it was?

[Cole Escola]

I have no idea.

[Matt Rogers]

She was hysterical, that woman.

[Cole Escola]

She was kind of silly.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

She's just a silly little gal. Right. She liked to have fun with her friends, go shopping.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

You know, then Abe kind of tied her down.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, that's my worst nightmare. If I were a cabaret singer. So the character of Mary. And I think Mary historically was a cabaret star.

[Cole Escola]

Yes. Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

It doesn't work out. You marry this guy, he's president, and then you're like, I would go crazy.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

It is a respect to. Among us.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah. I've talked a lot to Michelle about this Obama. Yeah. You know, because she really wanted to sing.

[Matt Rogers]

Really?

[Cole Escola]

She's really been wanting to sing.

[Matt Rogers]

What stopped her? Her bad voice. You know, they released a picture of Michelle Obama the other day. She looked really high.

[Cole Escola]

High.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

She looked like she was having fun, like in a resort or something.

[Cole Escola]

Well, I'm look.

[Bowen Yang]

And you're gonna get me in trouble.

[Cole Escola]

With more than one community Tonight.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay.

[Matt Rogers]

DC community and the Broadway community. You're not even gonna be able to go down and do it at the Lincoln Theater.

[Cole Escola]

My Tony. Bye.

[Matt Rogers]

Gone, gone, gone.

[Bowen Yang]

I need.

[Cole Escola]

Bye, Tony. Gone, gone. Thanks a lot.

[Matt Rogers]

Reactions to the Tony noms this year.

[Cole Escola]

There's too many. I actually, it should be one award.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah. For the whole show. For the whole show, yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

With how many nominations?

[Cole Escola]

Just like two. It should be down to, like, two people.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh, that's good. I love your lecture. It makes it even more heartbreaking.

[Cole Escola]

It should be Hillary versus.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

And God. Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Trump would be a better actor, wouldn't he?

[Cole Escola]

I mean, Hillary can. Depends on the show, right?

[Matt Rogers]

You're actually right.

[Bowen Yang]

Well, Hillary can produce stuff. Trump could produce stuffs, but Hillary couldn't do, you know, like Angels in America.

[Cole Escola]

Whereas Trump could.

[Bowen Yang]

Trump would be an amazing Roy Cohn.

[Matt Rogers]

Trump would be amazing Roy Cohen. I mean, he knew him.

[Bowen Yang]

I knew him.

[Cole Escola]

That's.

[Bowen Yang]

That's his mentor.

[Cole Escola]

I think he'd be a good. What's his name? Prior.

[Bowen Yang]

Prior.

[Matt Rogers]

Trump as Prior.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah. Trump as Pryor dazzles as Prior. Can't you see it?

[Bowen Yang]

I can see it. Because you can. Trump.

[Matt Rogers]

Has it never been better as Prior Dazzles.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, my God.

[Matt Rogers]

The word Trump over Angels in America is great again. That's where we're going.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

I mean, that's what's going to happen.

[Cole Escola]

Make Angels in America great again.

[Matt Rogers]

Holy wow. Oh, my God.

[Cole Escola]

That title of a title of that.

[Bowen Yang]

Make Angels in America great again. Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

Oh. Trump dazzles as prior.

[Matt Rogers]

Trump dazzles as prior.

[Cole Escola]

You have to say it in that voice.

[Bowen Yang]

Now we're in hot water with the Kushner community.

[Cole Escola]

Okay.

[Bowen Yang]

And the Mike Nichols community.

[Matt Rogers]

That's okay.

[Cole Escola]

No, they would love it. Hey, hey. Their checks are clearing.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, that's absolutely true. You don't want to put butts in seats and put Trump on Broadway. Look, I mean, we're all scared to say it. Put Trump on Broadway.

[Bowen Yang]

If you want to say Broadway. We're going big ass around the boards.

[Matt Rogers]

I'm saying.

[Bowen Yang]

I'm saying.

[Matt Rogers]

What are we so afraid of? Talent. What are we so afraid of?

[Cole Escola]

That we might like it. Yeah. I think America's too afraid.

[Bowen Yang]

I know of.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

That's why we're in this mess.

[Cole Escola]

That's why we're in this mess.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

If we just put him on Broadway.

[Matt Rogers]

This is honestly not. Not an answer.

[Cole Escola]

If I were to go to him right now.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

And say, yeah, look, if you drop out 12 weeks. Oh, Mary, would you do that? No, not at All. I don't care who it would save.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, I think that's really noble.

[Cole Escola]

This is my time. It's my year.

[Bowen Yang]

Of course it is.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

No, thank you.

[Matt Rogers]

I don't want you to give up.

[Cole Escola]

Thank you.

[Matt Rogers]

I do think we could recast some of your castmates. Hey, let's get them out of there. Put Trump in.

[Bowen Yang]

Put Trump in.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Sorry, Scully. Later.

[Bowen Yang]

Trump would be a great Mary's teacher.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Because.

[Matt Rogers]

Because, honestly, Trump would get the same reaction as James when he walks out.

[Cole Escola]

Just James walks out, and the audience goes, oh, fuck. Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

And then.

[Cole Escola]

Sorry, can we cuss.

[Bowen Yang]

I forget, is this sex or Christian?

[Matt Rogers]

No, this is Judeo. Christian. But there's something. The whole religion is, like.

[Cole Escola]

It's fake. How did you find that out?

[Bowen Yang]

It's about control.

[Cole Escola]

Okay.

[Matt Rogers]

Anyway, as I.

[Bowen Yang]

As I.

[Matt Rogers]

As I put my coffee all over.

[Bowen Yang]

Myself, you know, I went to the museum the other day. I brought my mom to the Brooklyn Museum. Lovely.

[Cole Escola]

Congratulations, by the way.

[Bowen Yang]

Thank you.

[Cole Escola]

I know you've been meaning to get there for years. Yeah. Learn something very hard to get in.

[Bowen Yang]

Most. Most empires last three, 400 years.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

We're due. We're done. I think we're.

[Cole Escola]

You think so?

[Bowen Yang]

We're. It's curtains for me.

[Cole Escola]

You know what. What podcast I love?

[Bowen Yang]

Yes. Oh, the Kelsey brothers.

[Cole Escola]

The Kelsey brothers. Who are the Kelsey brothers?

[Bowen Yang]

Travis and Travis and Jason, his brother, and they have a podcast, and they're actually very charming.

[Matt Rogers]

No, they're great. They actually. They actually.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, wait, that's how I first heard. I don't think so, honey. Because they started it.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, they started it.

[Cole Escola]

And then you guys.

[Bowen Yang]

Kind of the first time gay people have taken from.

[Cole Escola]

Straight.

[Bowen Yang]

Straight. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Cole Escola]

This podcast called Fall of Civilizations.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh.

[Cole Escola]

And every episode is. Wake up. Wake up. Every episode is a new civilization like.

[Matt Rogers]

You wanted them on. Now they're here. Now they're talking about the Fall civilization, and. Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

They're being didactic.

[Cole Escola]

Roman Britain.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

The fall of Roman Britain. The Bronze Age collapse.

[Bowen Yang]

When you say Roman Britain, as in, like, when Britain was Roman. Yes, yes, yes.

[Cole Escola]

And, like, how that fell apart.

[Bowen Yang]

Yes, yes. You know, it's fascinating.

[Cole Escola]

It's really interesting stuff. And I think. I think people don't realize, like.

[Matt Rogers]

But.

[Bowen Yang]

Here'S the thing about history.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

I get annoyed when people are like, we're doomed to repeat the mistakes. And I'm like, I think we're doomed no matter what. Even if we do know the history. That's just how.

[Cole Escola]

Not me.

[Matt Rogers]

No. Certainly not you. No.

[Bowen Yang]

Well, congrats.

[Cole Escola]

Thank you.

[Bowen Yang]

Can I tell this story, Cole?

[Cole Escola]

You can tell it, but you better be careful. I don't know what story you're talking about.

[Bowen Yang]

I basically had a little mental breakdown over the summer.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, my God. That was hilarious. We were all laughing about it.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, I remember the group Thread was hilarious.

[Matt Rogers]

On fire.

[Bowen Yang]

On fire. I go to Amsterdam. You were in Ghent at the time?

[Cole Escola]

Yes.

[Bowen Yang]

You were in Ghent at the time. I was posting my close friends gonna be in Amsterdam. You said, maybe I'll come see you. Yeah. I said, I will pay for a hotel room if you come and hang out with me. And you were so kind to do that.

[Cole Escola]

Kind. I was in Ghent.

[Bowen Yang]

Everyone's kind.

[Matt Rogers]

Are you writing it down?

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

And then we had a lovely day together, and we were in the park.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

It was you or me. We were just like, we should go see a play tonight.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah. I can't remember. I can't. God, I can't remember who it was.

[Matt Rogers]

And then what did you guys.

[Bowen Yang]

We're like, let's go see Les Mis.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

And then we looked up tickets for that night, bought two tickets to Les Mis, sat in the mezzanine, all in Dutch.

[Cole Escola]

In Dutch. The ugliest language. Language.

[Matt Rogers]

Not a gorgeous.

[Bowen Yang]

Bad. Bad language, bad tongue.

[Cole Escola]

And hilarious songs in Dutch.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, my God. That's generous.

[Cole Escola]

Thank you.

[Matt Rogers]

Did any song survive the language?

[Bowen Yang]

I mean, one Day More was pretty cool.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah. Well, those harmonies, the harmony. Yeah. Yeah, that's good.

[Bowen Yang]

That was great.

[Cole Escola]

That was really good. That was too good.

[Bowen Yang]

John, Right here.

[Cole Escola]

Trump, look out. Trump, look out.

[Matt Rogers]

I'm coming for you. Hey, Donald.

[Cole Escola]

Trump.

[Matt Rogers]

I'm coming for you, baby.

[Bowen Yang]

It was a lovely time.

[Cole Escola]

It was one of the worst days of my life.

[Bowen Yang]

Well, for me, it was nice.

[Cole Escola]

It was incredible.

[Matt Rogers]

Thank you for being there for myself.

[Cole Escola]

Watching Les Mis in Dutch.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

It was like going to the opera. Yeah, you know.

[Cole Escola]

Exactly.

[Matt Rogers]

Now, did y'all sort of do a postmortem after?

[Bowen Yang]

What do you mean?

[Cole Escola]

We just couldn't. We were so moved.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, we were very moved.

[Cole Escola]

All we could do was walk.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

We just.

[Matt Rogers]

Beautiful city for that type of thing.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, yeah.

[Cole Escola]

Be careful.

[Matt Rogers]

Be very careful.

[Cole Escola]

Tread lightly.

[Matt Rogers]

You're right. I tread much lighter. Sorry, I'm just reeling.

[Bowen Yang]

Reeling from. From this. From the subway, from the AirPods.

[Matt Rogers]

The AirPods went down. There's gonna be no dick in my butt tonight.

[Bowen Yang]

I think there's still time.

[Cole Escola]

There's still time.

[Matt Rogers]

I did think about getting, like, on the apps and being like, who?

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, no problem.

[Cole Escola]

Samantha. Who?

[Bowen Yang]

Christina Applegate.

[Cole Escola]

Christina Applegate, who I share a birthday with. So please, please be careful. Please be careful.

[Matt Rogers]

That must be where all the stuff. Please be careful.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, yeah.

[Cole Escola]

Me, Joe DiMaggio, Christina Applegate.

[Bowen Yang]

That's pretty good.

[Matt Rogers]

That's really. That's a really good trio.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah. Day over.

[Bowen Yang]

Day over.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Now, what are the hopes and dreams for this time off you have before the previews chart.

[Cole Escola]

I want to get back to me.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah. I believed that. I'm sorry. You should. Don't.

[Matt Rogers]

Don't let this change. Well, no, I think what's happening is what. Don't let this success change you.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

I think that one thing that everyone's been talking about in the group thread that you're not in.

[Cole Escola]

Right.

[Matt Rogers]

Is that you've changed.

[Cole Escola]

Thank you.

[Matt Rogers]

And you've become.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

A big star.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah. Star. Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

You went to the Met gala. That actually happened. And if you think. I'm not going to ask about it. And who you sat next to. You didn't. You didn't.

[Bowen Yang]

I don't think. No, you weren't correct. I think they're just going to step on.

[Matt Rogers]

You're just going to step on that water. Well, I'm not going to forget the question. And you're going to run out of water at some point. At some point, you're going to have to come up for air. Boo. Not that. And you asked for them to come back.

[Cole Escola]

Can we please. Nope.

[Bowen Yang]

We don't have to talk about it.

[Cole Escola]

No, I was going to say you looked. Can we talk about the abuse? Mariah Carey. Precious.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, you matched every inflection.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Can we talk about the abuse in your household?

[Bowen Yang]

I'm talking about. What did she say?

[Matt Rogers]

Talking about repeated instances. I'm sort of making it up now. But really, Mariah was never better at acting than that moment.

[Bowen Yang]

Grounded.

[Matt Rogers]

Can I tell you something?

[Cole Escola]

No.

[Matt Rogers]

Watch.

[Cole Escola]

Please.

[Matt Rogers]

Can I just throw it out there? Anyway, watch Glitter again. It's not bad.

[Cole Escola]

Okay.

[Bowen Yang]

Of course not.

[Cole Escola]

I've never seen it.

[Matt Rogers]

Do yourself a favor.

[Cole Escola]

I will watch Time Off. Watch a lot of movies.

[Matt Rogers]

You have a lot of time off.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

So you know what you gotta watch. And this is one's real suggestion. One's not.

[Cole Escola]

Okay.

[Matt Rogers]

Watch glitter. Lol. That's the bit you really should watch. The idea of you. Both of you.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, I have. Was mesmerized.

[Matt Rogers]

I loved it. And I cried at the end.

[Cole Escola]

That man is made out of milk.

[Bowen Yang]

Well, Matt's theory is that he's AI Now. Do you like him any better now that you've seen this film?

[Matt Rogers]

So get this. I'm not convinced he's not AI at the point. But you don't mind, but I am a big fan and I think.

[Bowen Yang]

Don't tell Fran Drescher.

[Matt Rogers]

If Nick Galitzine is AI, then we need to just cut Fran loose.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

And start doing the AI thing. Because if Nick Galitzine is AI, which is still my theory, then I think that's the future.

[Bowen Yang]

It's working. Let him take our jobs.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

We're not booking them anyway.

[Cole Escola]

Sweetheart, he's made out of milk.

[Bowen Yang]

Explain.

[Cole Escola]

Go on, look at him.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

[Cole Escola]

Imagine taking a bite out of his cheek.

[Bowen Yang]

Yummy.

[Matt Rogers]

Actually, I think you could.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

He is milk Dudish.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

And I say this in a very, like, horny way. I think he's very attractive.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah. Yeah. I have a theory that people's assholes are the same color as their lips.

[Bowen Yang]

I think you're wrong.

[Matt Rogers]

I'm not gonna look at it.

[Bowen Yang]

I'm gonna tell you you're wrong.

[Matt Rogers]

Why? You're so brown.

[Bowen Yang]

Don't presume that you booty hole brown. Don't presume the hue.

[Matt Rogers]

Don't presume the hue. That's actually rollercoaster number eight.

[Bowen Yang]

Don't presume the hue.

[Matt Rogers]

No, that's not the color of my hole.

[Bowen Yang]

Let me see mine.

[Matt Rogers]

No, wait.

[Cole Escola]

No, wait, wait, wait.

[Matt Rogers]

Hold on. Okay, that's gonna be the picture for that.

[Cole Escola]

Okay.

[Matt Rogers]

We all just took a picture of our beautiful lips and I don't know your be that color.

[Cole Escola]

I can't see it.

[Matt Rogers]

Yes, take a look.

[Bowen Yang]

Take a picture. Squat over your phone.

[Matt Rogers]

You've never taken a picture of your booty hole?

[Cole Escola]

No, Cole, please. Cole, please.

[Matt Rogers]

You've seen it.

[Bowen Yang]

I've not seen Cole's hole. I've seen a gorgeous shot on a close friend of Cole's amazing ass.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, sure.

[Bowen Yang]

Well, take an amazing ass photo.

[Cole Escola]

I mean, it's easy. It catches the light so perfectly, it's hard to take a bad one. No.

[Bowen Yang]

Give yourself some credit.

[Cole Escola]

Okay, okay, I'll give myself a little credit.

[Bowen Yang]

Not all.

[Cole Escola]

A little.

[Matt Rogers]

I don't think I made the close friends. I would remember that.

[Bowen Yang]

It's not the close friends. It's. It's. It's another thing.

[Cole Escola]

It's another thing.

[Matt Rogers]

What is?

[Cole Escola]

It's another secret third thing.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh, it's a finsta.

[Cole Escola]

It's a finsta.

[Matt Rogers]

I had a horny finsta. I guess I still do.

[Bowen Yang]

I mean, is it done?

[Cole Escola]

What?

[Bowen Yang]

Well, I don't really maintain mine.

[Matt Rogers]

Me neither. I think I took six pictures during, like, the Horniest time of the pandemic.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah. It's like we have to be. We have to forgive ourselves for everything we did in 2020.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

It was truly like all my.

[Cole Escola]

Especially electing Joe Biden.

[Bowen Yang]

Especially Biden.

[Cole Escola]

We should have given Trump another chance.

[Matt Rogers]

We're giving him a chance on stage.

[Cole Escola]

You're right. You're right.

[Bowen Yang]

Now I think Omari would be the perfect show for him. I think he would be so good as Mary in a way.

[Cole Escola]

Okay, wait, let's really actually dream cast Trump in something. So you're saying Omari.

[Matt Rogers]

Gypsy.

[Bowen Yang]

Gypsy.

[Cole Escola]

Heartbreaking. Heartbreaking.

[Matt Rogers]

Breaking, haunting performance.

[Cole Escola]

Haunting.

[Matt Rogers]

Why did I do it? When did it get me?

[Cole Escola]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm gonna have to leave.

[Bowen Yang]

No, don't go.

[Cole Escola]

Follow me.

[Bowen Yang]

In the background.

[Matt Rogers]

That's not. This is not a good. I don't know. It's someone.

[Cole Escola]

Someone else.

[Matt Rogers]

It's an original character.

[Cole Escola]

It's an original character.

[Bowen Yang]

Listen, there's a Patty.

[Matt Rogers]

Ronald Dump.

[Bowen Yang]

Ronald Dump. There's a Patty sized hole. Shaped hole in Broadway.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

And he could fill that out.

[Matt Rogers]

Appeal to Patti now to return to Broadway.

[Bowen Yang]

She is.

[Cole Escola]

She is.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, shit. She is.

[Cole Escola]

She's called the roommate. Her and Mia Farrow at the Booth Theater.

[Matt Rogers]

You're kidding. She was just being, like, dramatic about the quitting. You're kidding.

[Bowen Yang]

You're kidding. We love her.

[Matt Rogers]

I love her to death.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, wait. Sorry. You think women aren't allowed to change their minds or. Wait, what?

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, no.

[Cole Escola]

What's this?

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, Brian, what's going on?

[Matt Rogers]

What I'm saying is what you said before you got on the episode, which is that women are crazy, hysterical, and can't make up their minds. That's what you said.

[Bowen Yang]

How dare you.

[Cole Escola]

I am gonna kill you.

[Matt Rogers]

I wish you would. No AirPods, no Dick. Why should I keep living?

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Great color for you, by the way.

[Bowen Yang]

Thank you.

[Cole Escola]

Thank you.

[Matt Rogers]

And they're popping.

[Cole Escola]

Thank you.

[Matt Rogers]

And you did that on purpose, didn't you?

[Cole Escola]

I did, I did.

[Bowen Yang]

You're a warm tone.

[Cole Escola]

Well, this is the other thing that I wanted to talk about.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay. Color theory.

[Cole Escola]

I really want to see one of those color theory people that, like, put the things over.

[Bowen Yang]

I know, me too. I'm obsessed with that.

[Cole Escola]

Me and Claudia O'Doherty.

[Bowen Yang]

Yes. Love Claudia.

[Cole Escola]

Hi, sweetheart.

[Matt Rogers]

Great legend.

[Cole Escola]

Go to bed. We really sorry. People are probably, like, angry at my. My hoarse voice. But we really wanted to see. There's this woman in la.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

Who does the color theory thing. Who was the wardrobe supervisor on the Nanny.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, My God. Well, she has many Emmys.

[Matt Rogers]

She knows what she's doing.

[Cole Escola]

She knows what she's doing. But then we looked and the prices.

[Bowen Yang]

Were like Broadway prices.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah. Literally. Like, I can buy half a ticket to oh, Mary for that.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, geez.

[Cole Escola]

It was like $1,000 per session. Or maybe it was like, there's 800 or something.

[Bowen Yang]

There's someone who does that here.

[Matt Rogers]

Here.

[Bowen Yang]

Right. In New York City.

[Cole Escola]

I know where you live. Did they design costumes for the nanny?

[Bowen Yang]

I mean, I don't know what to tell you.

[Cole Escola]

Have you ever had that done?

[Bowen Yang]

No. I want to. I was just watching an ASMR video last night.

[Cole Escola]

Of course.

[Bowen Yang]

Where they do it.

[Cole Escola]

Of course you were.

[Bowen Yang]

I don't even think I know what it is.

[Cole Escola]

You get off on that stuff.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, yeah. He does splooge all over self. Or Matt. Matt's classically olive tone, but I think that makes him neutral. So that means you can wear.

[Matt Rogers]

You wanna know? This is the truth. I actually came here today and I was gonna wear a yellow shirt. I was gonna actually follow up on the Taylor Tomlinson episode.

[Bowen Yang]

Yes.

[Matt Rogers]

Where I said that I bought a yellow shirt in a museum and I never wear it because why would I. Yeah. I actually put it on today to wear it to this.

[Bowen Yang]

It looked good.

[Matt Rogers]

Looked at myself and said, this is not my color.

[Cole Escola]

But you don't know if it's like, oh, it's the cool undertones. It's the blue undertones of the yellow that don't suit you. You probably do have a good yellow.

[Bowen Yang]

You probably do.

[Matt Rogers]

Can I say when I'm a little bit more tan? Which is happening. It's in process. I can do yellow. But this was not. We are not there yet at this juncture.

[Bowen Yang]

And then the step beyond that is like, are you a cool yellow or a warm yellow? Right.

[Matt Rogers]

And I would never know what this is. So I guess I have to do this test.

[Cole Escola]

Well, we're. This is why it's dangerous to be like. For us, because we don't know what we're talking about. And so for us to just sort of posit all of these, oh, I'm.

[Bowen Yang]

Yellow, I'm blue, I'm dangerous.

[Matt Rogers]

You're so good with color.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

We've all seen the apartment.

[Cole Escola]

Thank you.

[Bowen Yang]

Not all.

[Matt Rogers]

Well, it was in the pages of. Oh, what was that? Remember, it was in a magazine.

[Cole Escola]

Apartment Therapy, I think you're thinking of. Or in the New York Post or. I don't remember. I really don't remember.

[Matt Rogers]

A really good relationship with the Post.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, I do yeah, well, they reviewed the show.

[Cole Escola]

Look, the Post has always been very good to me.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. What's your favorite review you've gotten?

[Cole Escola]

Probably the long one, because they said everything.

[Matt Rogers]

No stuff left.

[Cole Escola]

They went there, honey. They talked about the Play Me. Like, everything that you can imagine.

[Matt Rogers]

The Play Me, Everything.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah. Oh, my God. I'm thinking about it right now.

[Matt Rogers]

Do you feel like you can't wait to get back up there?

[Cole Escola]

I am excited for a break.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah. Good.

[Cole Escola]

That's healthy.

[Matt Rogers]

That's so healthy.

[Cole Escola]

Thank you. I think health is important. That's one of the reasons I wanted to come on here, because I don't. The play's doing fine.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

We don't need the press. Okay. Okay. I want to talk about health because as queer people in the community, we're not healthy.

[Bowen Yang]

We're sick.

[Cole Escola]

We have a different relationship from our upbringings to health that invariably does affect circumstances and basically, like, human rights.

[Bowen Yang]

So true.

[Matt Rogers]

Well, when one of us is sick, we're all sick.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, my God.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, my God.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, my God.

[Matt Rogers]

Should oh, my God be the title of app we've got a lot of great.

[Cole Escola]

I don't think so. I actually don't think so.

[Matt Rogers]

I don't think so either, but thank you.

[Bowen Yang]

I mean, I think health is wealth at the end of the day.

[Matt Rogers]

Well, Bowen would know.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, my God. We're back on this again.

[Bowen Yang]

We're back on this since go.

[Cole Escola]

We're back on this again.

[Matt Rogers]

We're back on this.

[Bowen Yang]

Guys, I'm going through a tough time.

[Cole Escola]

Are you? Let's talk about it. Let's go there. Yeah. We'll be right back.

[Bowen Yang]

We'll be right back.

[Cole Escola]

Your boyfriend took our money in dips.

[Jason Alexander]

From producer Issa Rae.

[Matt Rogers]

How we gonna make $1,500 by 6? You bought this? Okay. On January 17th.

[Bowen Yang]

You want a loan?

[Matt Rogers]

Don't do it. I've never seen a credit score this low. What if we combine our scores? Kinky Palmer is having one of them days.

[Cole Escola]

First the rent and then our lolo's.

[Matt Rogers]

Trying to kill us.

[Jason Alexander]

Sza is having one of them days.

[Matt Rogers]

He showing cheat and steal on the same day.

[Peter Tilden]

Alyssa, run.

[Bowen Yang]

Damn.

[Jason Alexander]

One of Them Days.

[Matt Rogers]

Directed by Lawrence Lamont.

[Jason Alexander]

Exclusively in theaters January 17th.

[Bowen Yang]

Rated R. Under 17.

[Matt Rogers]

90 minute without parent.

[Jason Alexander]

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the really? No, really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions, like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the Way to the floor.

[Matt Rogers]

We got the answer.

[Jason Alexander]

Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk. Give is the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by.

[Matt Rogers]

Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us.

[Cole Escola]

How are you?

[Matt Rogers]

Hello.

[Jason Alexander]

My friend Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to really no, really, sir.

[Bowen Yang]

Bless you all.

[Jason Alexander]

Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging.

[Matt Rogers]

Really? That's the opening?

[Bowen Yang]

Really?

[Matt Rogers]

No, really? Yeah, really?

[Bowen Yang]

No, really.

[Jason Alexander]

Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win 500, a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition sign, Jason Bobblehead. It's called really no Really? And you can find it on the iHeartRadio app on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Peter Tilden]

We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop.

[Cole Escola]

Wow. Very powerful.

[Peter Tilden]

I'm Ellie Flynn and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a Playboy model, lingerie topless. I said, yes, please, because at the center of this murky world is an alleged predator.

[Matt Rogers]

You know who he is because.

[Peter Tilden]

Because of his pattern of behavior, he's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it.

[Cole Escola]

He's everywhere and has been everywhere.

[Peter Tilden]

It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to the bunny trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Cole Escola]

And we're back.

[Matt Rogers]

So that actually is probably why we'll put it for a break.

[Cole Escola]

Before the break, Bowen was going to open up to us about what he's going through.

[Matt Rogers]

I would love for them to just host it.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, my God, please.

[Cole Escola]

That would be amazing.

[Bowen Yang]

Everyone would be so much happy.

[Cole Escola]

What happened, Hillary Clinton?

[Bowen Yang]

What happened, by the way?

[Cole Escola]

What?

[Bowen Yang]

Say what you want about Hillary and.

[Cole Escola]

You will, and I will.

[Bowen Yang]

It's a great title for a book. Just in general, the book can be about anything. It could be a cookbook. And it doesn't have. Hillary doesn't have to write it. It can be. Anyone can write any Book and call it what Happened. And it would be great. No punctuation before.

[Cole Escola]

I want to hear about the pain you're going through. Now you have to cast Hillary and Trump in a show together.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh. Night, Mother.

[Cole Escola]

Night, Mother.

[Bowen Yang]

Night. Mother's good. That's really good.

[Cole Escola]

Who's mother, though?

[Matt Rogers]

I think Mother is Trump.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Oleanna. Oleanna by even Emmett.

[Cole Escola]

Oh.

[Bowen Yang]

I just know that it's a two hander.

[Cole Escola]

A two hander.

[Bowen Yang]

Two person flag.

[Cole Escola]

Waiting for Godot.

[Bowen Yang]

Waiting for Godot.

[Matt Rogers]

Waiting for Godot would be not.

[Cole Escola]

What about to watch. What about with them Chocolate? Yeah, the movie.

[Bowen Yang]

What about Amelie, the musical, which I.

[Cole Escola]

Did a reading of, so be careful.

[Matt Rogers]

I'm with Pippa.

[Cole Escola]

No. Then it was Rachel Lee Cook. Lee Cook. Because it was gonna. We wanted to do like a sort of. She's all that Amelie. Sort of like, hey, what about this?

[Matt Rogers]

Sister Stories.

[Cole Escola]

Sister Stories.

[Matt Rogers]

Called him in the business.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah. It's sort of like how, you know Detroit is a sister city of like, I don't know, Minneapolis, Paris. Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Minneapolis, Detroit.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Twin cities.

[Cole Escola]

The twin cities.

[Bowen Yang]

Sister cities. Do be random.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

You're like Shanghai and Des Moines.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah. It's funny.

[Cole Escola]

I find it amusing.

[Bowen Yang]

No one's laughing.

[Matt Rogers]

What is. What is New York City? Sister city.

[Bowen Yang]

Couldn't tell you.

[Cole Escola]

Couldn't tell you at all.

[Bowen Yang]

Can tell you.

[Matt Rogers]

You know what? I just.

[Cole Escola]

Of these cities. Wish they could.

[Matt Rogers]

Well, you know what I just realized?

[Cole Escola]

No.

[Matt Rogers]

The second city. I'm telling you, the second city is called that because it's like known as like a second city.

[Bowen Yang]

You didn't know that? No.

[Matt Rogers]

And then I understood why. There was also one in Toronto. Famously. Also a second city.

[Bowen Yang]

Also a second city.

[Matt Rogers]

Sorry to everyone.

[Cole Escola]

I left Toronto. If I had to live in another city that wasn't New York, it would be Toronto.

[Matt Rogers]

Really?

[Cole Escola]

Toronto.

[Matt Rogers]

Toronto.

[Bowen Yang]

Toronto. Very cute gays.

[Matt Rogers]

All the second cities have cute gays.

[Bowen Yang]

They do. Chicago and Toronto. Yep.

[Matt Rogers]

I would say San Francisco.

[Bowen Yang]

That's not a second city. It is if you like consultants.

[Matt Rogers]

I actually do. I'm looking for a consultant.

[Cole Escola]

For what?

[Matt Rogers]

I don't wanna say a bad word, but one time a psychic told me that.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, is this the psychic?

[Bowen Yang]

That's. No.

[Matt Rogers]

The community is very upset. This is a different one.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, man.

[Matt Rogers]

Who said that? My husband is wearing a suit.

[Bowen Yang]

Well, that could be anything.

[Cole Escola]

Your husband sure could.

[Matt Rogers]

It's the charlatan. It's psychic. It's made up.

[Cole Escola]

It's a hazmat suit. To get near that dirty hole.

[Matt Rogers]

Honey.

[Cole Escola]

Ew. What'd you eat last Night. Chinese broccoli. Golly.

[Bowen Yang]

Hey, that's my people.

[Cole Escola]

Chinese broccoli.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

It's not actually Chinese, is it?

[Matt Rogers]

It was very, very racist of you to say. Even more racist than what you were saying right before you got on.

[Cole Escola]

I was.

[Matt Rogers]

You came in here and you were.

[Bowen Yang]

Saying a whole bloat of racist Chinese broccoli. Is that what the bats were eating in the wet market? That's. You said that.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, yeah, yeah, I did say that. I did say that. I was saying that while I was peeing to myself.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Bowen was right there.

[Bowen Yang]

I was being. What was that guy's name? Larry something.

[Matt Rogers]

Hmm.

[Bowen Yang]

Guy who's cruising the bat. We're cutting.

[Cole Escola]

Larry Craig.

[Matt Rogers]

Larry Craig. Don't cut this out at all.

[Bowen Yang]

We should. I think enough time has passed, and that guy, you know, his whole life was.

[Cole Escola]

Did he die?

[Bowen Yang]

I think he. He is dead at this point. Let's call bathroom cruising as a closeted man. Larry cragging.

[Cole Escola]

Larry Craiging. Have you ever hooked up in a bathroom?

[Matt Rogers]

Yes.

[Bowen Yang]

Yes. Oh, yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

And by the way, tell the story, because. Can I tell you something?

[Bowen Yang]

No, no, no.

[Matt Rogers]

I realized that. I'm sorry about this. We were doing our episode with Dua Lipa and you were telling the story.

[Bowen Yang]

I told him many times.

[Matt Rogers]

You have told before. But I did redirect the conversation in an irresponsible, annoying, and very Matt Rogers coded way. And so I want you to take the floor. Tell us about how you had sex in Madrid airport bathroom.

[Bowen Yang]

That's the story.

[Matt Rogers]

Okay.

[Bowen Yang]

Wow.

[Cole Escola]

Have you. No, I don't think I could.

[Bowen Yang]

Hygienic.

[Matt Rogers]

Get hard.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah, I don't think I could do that in a bathroom.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, because of the smells or because of the awareness of other people's proximity.

[Cole Escola]

I think growing up gay. Sorry.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh, no, no, go there.

[Cole Escola]

This is. I just.

[Matt Rogers]

Mm.

[Bowen Yang]

We'll be right back.

[Cole Escola]

I want what's best for everyone.

[Matt Rogers]

Well, hold on one second. Yeah, we're back.

[Bowen Yang]

We're back.

[Matt Rogers]

Okay. And will you wear some crying?

[Cole Escola]

I don't know. I just don't think I could either.

[Bowen Yang]

Ideal place for an encounter.

[Cole Escola]

Probably.

[Bowen Yang]

Country. I want a country. Okay, time of day.

[Cole Escola]

I'm gonna say Canada. I'm gonna say Toronto.

[Bowen Yang]

Toronto.

[Cole Escola]

A hotel room in Toronto.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay, we're being stupid. We did not actually ask you to expand on Toronto. What do you love about it? What makes it an ideal place?

[Cole Escola]

It's not trying to be New York.

[Bowen Yang]

Don't think so.

[Cole Escola]

No. This is my impression of Toronto. Hey, we're not New York. We've got a Couple restaurants.

[Bowen Yang]

Mm.

[Cole Escola]

Have fun.

[Bowen Yang]

Yep.

[Cole Escola]

Let us know if you need anything.

[Matt Rogers]

Bring your kids. Don't.

[Cole Escola]

Don't. Actually, don't bring her.

[Bowen Yang]

Please don't.

[Cole Escola]

Please don't.

[Matt Rogers]

Whatever. It's. It's. It's six of one.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

We got a quote unquote beach. It's just a little lake. Well, it's like.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Can I tell you something? Don't ever sleep.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, I like.

[Bowen Yang]

Speech.

[Matt Rogers]

Don't ever sleep. Claudia, wake up.

[Bowen Yang]

There needs to be a gay lake. And there really is.

[Cole Escola]

There is.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

There is.

[Bowen Yang]

Where?

[Cole Escola]

Epcot.

[Matt Rogers]

That's actually roller culture number two.

[Bowen Yang]

There is a gay lake. There is a gay lake.

[Cole Escola]

Epcot.

[Matt Rogers]

That is one of the gayest lakes.

[Bowen Yang]

But I'm saying there needs to be, like, lake house culture for gay people.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

The Germany Pavilion at Epcotti.

[Cole Escola]

I'm so mad.

[Matt Rogers]

The most relaxing place on Earth. The Germany Pavilion at Epcot. Go there, Bring a beach chair. Have a sauerkraut and a fucking pilsner.

[Bowen Yang]

And a pilsner pan.

[Cole Escola]

That's where I'm gonna be all June.

[Matt Rogers]

Okay. For relaxation.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah. Well, for pride festivities. Epcot.

[Matt Rogers]

Well, Trump's going on the first week of Broadway.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Because Cole's still gonna be in Epcot.

[Bowen Yang]

Cole, we keep trying to get you to come to Disney with us.

[Cole Escola]

We don't.

[Matt Rogers]

Yes, we do.

[Cole Escola]

We never have.

[Bowen Yang]

Well, would you do it?

[Cole Escola]

No.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

I didn't.

[Bowen Yang]

You don't like it.

[Cole Escola]

I. Being gay growing up.

[Matt Rogers]

We'll be right back. Okay.

[Bowen Yang]

We're back. We're back. You just hate it on principle.

[Matt Rogers]

That's not true.

[Bowen Yang]

You can say bds.

[Matt Rogers]

Wow.

[Cole Escola]

I don't like you two together. It's too much.

[Matt Rogers]

I know.

[Bowen Yang]

I know.

[Cole Escola]

Too much.

[Bowen Yang]

Too much of what?

[Cole Escola]

Calm down.

[Matt Rogers]

I agree.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

No, I bet I would like it.

[Bowen Yang]

No, no, no. You don't have to say that.

[Matt Rogers]

I think you would, because I think you'd see the irony in the whole thing.

[Cole Escola]

John early once went to Disneyland.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Well, that must have been fun.

[Cole Escola]

It wasn't.

[Matt Rogers]

Why.

[Cole Escola]

But Splash Mountain was fun. And I wish. We both wish we would have just, like, done that again and again.

[Matt Rogers]

Well, you can't anymore because they've renamed it Princess Tati's Bayou Dip.

[Cole Escola]

But it's the same. You still splash.

[Matt Rogers]

Very much the same. But they've taken out everything that you love, which was the racism. And you were saying that before you got on the mic. And they've replaced it with Princess Tiana because that's how you correct the wrongs of the ills of the world again.

[Cole Escola]

I said this when I was peeing to myself as a joke.

[Bowen Yang]

And we were both Larry Craigging.

[Cole Escola]

And we were both Larry Craiging. Look, I was looking for sex with closeted men. Of course I was gonna say that stuff.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, of course you were trying to attract people.

[Cole Escola]

Yes. Please, please, don't get it twisted.

[Matt Rogers]

I don't ever want to get it twisted. Can I say something? I can't think of anything more embarrassing than getting it twisted.

[Bowen Yang]

Lots of other embarrassing things, truly.

[Matt Rogers]

But, like, what's more embarrassing than getting it twisted?

[Cole Escola]

What do you.

[Matt Rogers]

First of all, ouch.

[Cole Escola]

How do you feel?

[Bowen Yang]

Just generally a lot better now, honestly.

[Cole Escola]

Okay.

[Matt Rogers]

I was not in a good mood earlier, and now I really am.

[Cole Escola]

Okay.

[Bowen Yang]

I'm very happy to see you both.

[Cole Escola]

Do you think you're gonna have sex with someone else?

[Matt Rogers]

Can I tell you something?

[Cole Escola]

No.

[Matt Rogers]

I did the thing. Sorry, I did the thing. We write back. I did the thing where I over scheduled myself on dates this week. So it's actually, I'm gonna reveal. Okay. That my guy canceled tonight because I'm going on three dates this week with three different men. Sorry, everyone. I'm actually trying to find a partner. Actively. I would like that for myself. I have recently discovered about myself that I would like to be in a relationship.

[Bowen Yang]

That's great.

[Cole Escola]

I don't think you're ready for one, though.

[Matt Rogers]

I don't think I am either.

[Cole Escola]

No, you just want to.

[Matt Rogers]

Being ready for it and wanting it.

[Cole Escola]

Is two different things.

[Bowen Yang]

Right?

[Matt Rogers]

You know?

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Someday soon. What do you. Yeah. What do you think it'll take?

[Cole Escola]

I think you two have to stop being friends.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, well, everyone's so intimidated by him. True story. It just like I say, no, no, he's great. I lie. I go, no, no, he's great.

[Cole Escola]

He's easy.

[Matt Rogers]

He's gonna love you.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah. And then I go, and then old mother in law over here, nothing's good enough for her son.

[Matt Rogers]

The last two guys I've dated have been like, I'm nervous to meet Bowen. And I was like, don't be nervous. He's my best friend and the kind and the best person ever.

[Cole Escola]

I was nervous to meet you.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

When did you meet?

[Cole Escola]

40 years ago. 40 years ago.

[Matt Rogers]

Well, it obviously went well. Y'all did all of Europe together.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah, we did all of Europe.

[Bowen Yang]

That was 84.

[Cole Escola]

84.

[Bowen Yang]

And Berlin was east and West.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, my God. And we didn't know which was which. And so I was trying to buy jeans and they said, we don't sell those here. That Was a hilarious misunderstanding.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, well, you were just saying before that you missed Germany the way it was. That's what you were saying.

[Bowen Yang]

And you gave a specific year, too, Cole.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, my God.

[Matt Rogers]

We missed you.

[Cole Escola]

Here goes my Tony.

[Bowen Yang]

No, it's a fucking chew in.

[Cole Escola]

Thank you.

[Matt Rogers]

Do you see me get actually genuine there for a second? We missed you.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, we did miss you. We did miss you.

[Cole Escola]

I didn't say that, though.

[Matt Rogers]

I'm sorry. I'm embarrassed. Do you not like to say hi to people after the show?

[Cole Escola]

No, I love it.

[Bowen Yang]

I love it.

[Cole Escola]

Good.

[Matt Rogers]

Okay. Because we didn't, like, go backstage or anything.

[Cole Escola]

Well, there's not a backstage at the Lortel.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh. It's a theater moment.

[Cole Escola]

It's like you have to come into the.

[Matt Rogers]

Everyone clears out, and the notables sort of stay behind and.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah, the friends.

[Bowen Yang]

The friends. Can I reveal at this point that the. The opening night party at the Lortel Run, the Off Broadway run, was at Houston hall, which is a pretty, very straight venue.

[Cole Escola]

There were sports on the screen.

[Bowen Yang]

There was sports on the screen. And I thought that was kind of the perfect, perfect touch.

[Cole Escola]

I didn't see it the same way as you.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, you were stressed out. You didn't like it.

[Cole Escola]

I thought, change the channel.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, totally. Change the channel. No one listened to you when you said that.

[Cole Escola]

I didn't say it to anyone. I just felt it.

[Matt Rogers]

You thought it.

[Bowen Yang]

But it's a big.

[Matt Rogers]

That was your biggest mistake. That was your first and biggest mistake.

[Cole Escola]

You know, what would you play at a bar?

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, what?

[Cole Escola]

QVC.

[Matt Rogers]

I agree.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, my.

[Cole Escola]

Gay bars should be playing QVC.

[Matt Rogers]

I 100 agree.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

And that would drive business, which is what you.

[Cole Escola]

You care about.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. The economy.

[Cole Escola]

Absolutely. Jobs.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

Bringing jobs back to America. All these companies.

[Matt Rogers]

There's nothing more American than QVC. It's actually roller culture number 98.

[Bowen Yang]

There's nothing.

[Matt Rogers]

There's nothing more American than QVC.

[Cole Escola]

Because it's a conversation piece. You can talk about it. You don't have to pay attention. It's not like, oh, well, now Mamma Mia's on, so I guess I'm gonna watch it, which is what I do.

[Bowen Yang]

No, there is no through line to follow with qvc.

[Matt Rogers]

No, actually, in fact, there is the absence of that completely, which is why it's so great. Peek behind the curtain when I shot. I love that for you, the people that had to play, the on air people. You just have to be always talking.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

It's actually so funny when you watch because they end up saying some crazy things. Sometimes just words together in, like, a soup that truly are just like. And look at this diamond pendant. Now, I love this. For graduations, for funerals, for. You know, and my mother had a pendant. And I always remember my mother, especially now, today, because Janine is gonna turn around and you can see the pendant from the back. It's like, nonsense, gobbledygo.

[Bowen Yang]

Doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

[Matt Rogers]

It's nothing. But it is everything.

[Bowen Yang]

If you can watch it on mute and it still looks like things are happening, that is the mark of success for that, which I love. And it gives you moments like the planet moon. Oh, the planet moon.

[Cole Escola]

Tell me you know about the planet moon and. Yeah, the planet moon. Liza.

[Bowen Yang]

Liza.

[Matt Rogers]

Also. You know what's really wild is, like, actually, they do watch Second by Second to see if the sales are going up and down. And it does correlate to, like, how charming they're being. Like, at any given time, there are a million plus people watching this channel and gauging second by second, whether they're buying something or not, to the point where, like, it actually corresponds with a, I guess, salesman flopping or not.

[Cole Escola]

I love the economy.

[Bowen Yang]

You said that.

[Cole Escola]

Love the economy.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

I love inflation.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

Keeping up with those prices.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Keeping up with the prices.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah, we got to keep up with those prices. Raise them a little bit, and then give us something to aspire to, you know?

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Was that the big conversation at the Met gala?

[Cole Escola]

Can I get some water?

[Matt Rogers]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Bowen Yang]

Don't bring back anything you.

[Matt Rogers]

You like your job.

[Cole Escola]

Is my lawyer here?

[Matt Rogers]

No, your lawyer's not here. Who's your lawyer? You want to shout him out?

[Cole Escola]

Yeah, go ahead, Elizabeth.

[Matt Rogers]

I bet she rocks.

[Cole Escola]

Elspeth.

[Bowen Yang]

Elspeth.

[Cole Escola]

Elsbeth.

[Matt Rogers]

Have you seen all the commercials for that show, Elspeth?

[Cole Escola]

No, but I really want to watch the show.

[Bowen Yang]

It's supposed to be good.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Kevin Rustin is a legend. Oh, yeah.

[Cole Escola]

I didn't watch the Good Fight.

[Matt Rogers]

Me neither.

[Cole Escola]

I should.

[Bowen Yang]

Christine's mad at you.

[Cole Escola]

She is?

[Matt Rogers]

Have you met her? Christine Baranski, we're talking about.

[Cole Escola]

No, she's mad at me.

[Bowen Yang]

Right?

[Matt Rogers]

Well, I think we can.

[Cole Escola]

Cause of all that stuff you made up about me. What? I said I didn't make anything up, sweetheart.

[Matt Rogers]

It's so funny that you try to come here on what is our show, because even though we made a joke about you hosting it, it's our show.

[Cole Escola]

Interesting. That's really interesting.

[Matt Rogers]

Is it interesting?

[Cole Escola]

It's interesting. I N C H E R S T E, E N. Got it. Interesting.

[Bowen Yang]

Got it. Correct. Got it. I think that Archie Panjabi is having a moment again. Thoughts?

[Cole Escola]

Where?

[Bowen Yang]

Under the bridge.

[Cole Escola]

We'll be right back. Your boyfriend took our money in.

[Matt Rogers]

Dicks.

[Jason Alexander]

From producer Issa Rae.

[Matt Rogers]

How we gonna make $1,500 by 6? Peep out. That's okay. On January 7th.

[Bowen Yang]

You want to loan?

[Matt Rogers]

Don't do it. I've never seen a credit score this low. What if we combine our scores?

[Cole Escola]

Kinky.

[Jason Alexander]

Palmer is having one of them days.

[Matt Rogers]

First the rent and then Alomo's trying to kill us.

[Jason Alexander]

SZA is having one of them days.

[Matt Rogers]

He showing cheat and steal on the same day.

[Peter Tilden]

Alyssa run.

[Jason Alexander]

One of them days.

[Matt Rogers]

Directed by Lawrence Lamont.

[Jason Alexander]

Exclusively in theaters January 17th.

[Bowen Yang]

Rated R. Under $17.

[Matt Rogers]

90 minute without parent.

[Jason Alexander]

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the really Know really podcast. Our mission is to get the true answers to life baffling questions. Like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor.

[Matt Rogers]

We got the answer.

[Jason Alexander]

Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by.

[Matt Rogers]

Mr. Brian Kratz is.

[Cole Escola]

What are you.

[Jason Alexander]

Hello, my friend Wayne Knight. About Jurassic Park.

[Matt Rogers]

Wayne Knight. Welcome to really.

[Jason Alexander]

No, really, sir.

[Bowen Yang]

Bless you all.

[Jason Alexander]

Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging.

[Matt Rogers]

Really? That's the opening.

[Bowen Yang]

Really?

[Matt Rogers]

No, really? Yeah, really?

[Bowen Yang]

No, really.

[Jason Alexander]

Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win 500, a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition sign. Jason Bobblehead. It's called really no, really. And you can find it on the.

[Matt Rogers]

I heart rated app on Apple Podcasts.

[Jason Alexander]

Or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Peter Tilden]

We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop.

[Cole Escola]

Wow. Very powerful.

[Peter Tilden]

I'm Ellie Flynn and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry.

[Matt Rogers]

I really wanted to be a Playboy model.

[Peter Tilden]

Lingerie topless. I said, yes, please, because at the center of this murky world is an alleged predator.

[Matt Rogers]

You know who he is because of his pattern of behavior.

[Peter Tilden]

He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it.

[Cole Escola]

He's Everywhere and has been everywhere.

[Peter Tilden]

It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to the bunny trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Cole Escola]

And we're back. Wait, what is she doing?

[Matt Rogers]

Talk about Bjork under the bridge, though.

[Bowen Yang]

I didn't go to Bjork under the Bridge. Oh, you didn't?

[Matt Rogers]

Did you go to Bjork under the Bridge?

[Bowen Yang]

They were working.

[Cole Escola]

Did what? Did she do a concert? Like, she did it.

[Bowen Yang]

She did a concert slash set under the K bridge.

[Cole Escola]

K Bridge.

[Matt Rogers]

But I think they call it the K Bridge to sort of insinuate that there'll be ketamine use under the bridge, which I find to be.

[Bowen Yang]

Now, as an iconic sober person, what do you think of that?

[Cole Escola]

I'm disturbed.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

Well, careful. The table is making noise. Well, that's.

[Matt Rogers]

Bowen is shaking it. He's humping.

[Bowen Yang]

Humping.

[Matt Rogers]

He's like a dog.

[Cole Escola]

Don't think gay people and drugs go together.

[Bowen Yang]

I actually agree. I think let's just, like, put a. Let's put a pause on it.

[Cole Escola]

Let's put a pause on it until I figure it out what's going on. I need to get in there. No, like, I'm busy with my show right now, but, like, if you and Trump swap places. Absolutely. Come fall, I want to, like, I just want to open it up, open the community up and, like, mm, look at it.

[Bowen Yang]

Cole, if you were to put out, like, a missive to the community across the world and say, stop it with the drugs for, like, a month, people would do it.

[Matt Rogers]

I don't think they would.

[Bowen Yang]

I think they would.

[Matt Rogers]

These gays love drugs so much.

[Cole Escola]

I'm gonna do it in October. Well, then I'm gonna do it in October.

[Matt Rogers]

Was there a favorite drug back in the day?

[Cole Escola]

Just weed. Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Just baking.

[Cole Escola]

Just baking, waking up and baking. We call it wake and bake, and we were really fun.

[Matt Rogers]

Wake and bake sucks.

[Cole Escola]

It was awful.

[Bowen Yang]

It's really bad. I'm sorry. If you're a wake and baker.

[Cole Escola]

No, I just felt awful.

[Bowen Yang]

It was like.

[Matt Rogers]

No. Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

It's a huge alarm bell moment.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. Once it becomes wake and bake, that's when you have to stop it, take a second to reassess. And I guess that's what we're saying to all the gay community, who's really the biggest problem within the Gay community is marijuana. Marijuana use is out of control in the gay community. These gays are too stoned.

[Bowen Yang]

They m out.

[Cole Escola]

They m out.

[Bowen Yang]

They m out.

[Matt Rogers]

Have you noticed that Taylor Swift has started to talk about weed a lot in her music.

[Bowen Yang]

Has she?

[Cole Escola]

Yes, in her music.

[Matt Rogers]

Like, the Tortured Poets Department is an album about a chaotic manic relationship. And she references like, oh, you.

[Bowen Yang]

You eat.

[Matt Rogers]

Always being. She was with someone that was always stoned. My friends smell like weed, etc.

[Bowen Yang]

Yes.

[Matt Rogers]

You know what I mean?

[Cole Escola]

Like, there's a lot of weed, you know?

[Matt Rogers]

Like, what do you like to weed?

[Cole Escola]

I don't know.

[Matt Rogers]

Because you don't really have to say.

[Bowen Yang]

Is it much better?

[Matt Rogers]

I don't like pot at all. You know what I say? Reefer.

[Cole Escola]

Ew.

[Matt Rogers]

I don't care what you refer.

[Cole Escola]

Weed, pot, marijuana.

[Bowen Yang]

It's all pretty bad.

[Cole Escola]

It's all bad.

[Matt Rogers]

I think reefer's funny because it's stupid.

[Bowen Yang]

Green flower.

[Matt Rogers]

Never flower.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah. 420 Bowen.

[Bowen Yang]

I don't know what the.

[Cole Escola]

Go to bed.

[Matt Rogers]

I've never seen you do that.

[Cole Escola]

Go to bed. Your tongue fell out of your mouth.

[Bowen Yang]

Bowen goes, I'm a bully. I'm sexual. You were a sexual bee rimming the air.

[Cole Escola]

You're gooning.

[Matt Rogers]

Eat ass.

[Bowen Yang]

Every now and then.

[Cole Escola]

You know what? I stopped.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Was that.

[Bowen Yang]

Cause you got sick?

[Cole Escola]

I got. Yeah. Giardia. I had giardia for like six months. I was like, oh, I guess my stomach's just weird now. This is a great story. You'll want to put this in the book. Okay.

[Matt Rogers]

And it's coming up right after the break. We're back.

[Bowen Yang]

Hi.

[Cole Escola]

I went to a dietician for my acid reflux.

[Matt Rogers]

Sure.

[Cole Escola]

And they ran all these tests and they said, here, you need to poop in this jar and mail it in. I said, no questions. Absolutely. I'll do that for you.

[Matt Rogers]

Take my poop.

[Cole Escola]

Take. Hey. You take it. And what they make you do is like, put a bag, like a little. You tape basically a piece of paper onto your toilet seat.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

[Cole Escola]

And you poop onto that paper. And then they give you a little scooper to. I hope everyone at home is eating a nice big chocolate cake right now. And you scoop the poop and you put it into a little cup and you mail that in to, I think, the government. The government.

[Bowen Yang]

And what do you think they do with the cup?

[Cole Escola]

They clean Mama again, I hope you're eating chocolate cake with you.

[Matt Rogers]

And if you are eating chocolate cake right now, it's poop.

[Bowen Yang]

It's poop. Is it poop?

[Cole Escola]

And is it poop?

[Matt Rogers]

Okay.

[Bowen Yang]

So then they came back with giardia.

[Cole Escola]

Well, then I met with the dietitian, and she goes, have you been camping recently? And I was like, no, I haven't been camping since I was 12. What kind of weird question is that? And she was like, you have this parasite that is common with people who've maybe been camping, drinking contaminated water or from.

[Matt Rogers]

And did she get there.

[Cole Escola]

Anal sac? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I was like, oh. And then. But so the process of confirming that you have giardia in order to get the antibiotics is that is like mailing in your poop.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, that's a lot.

[Cole Escola]

And I'm like, I don't want to be mailing my poop. Like, I'm leaving that behind.

[Bowen Yang]

And so no more ass eating 2024.

[Cole Escola]

I'm not mailing my poop anymore. I said, new Year, new me, no poop. I am not going to that mailbox with a jar of poop.

[Matt Rogers]

No. That's completely insane. That. That's how.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Well, I've had it before, and it hasn't stopped me. Yeah, but it was horrible. And I got it on Fire island. And you saw me.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, it was bad.

[Matt Rogers]

It was not good.

[Cole Escola]

You. You, like, watched him.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, we shared a room.

[Bowen Yang]

No, but I. But I watched you get your ass.

[Matt Rogers]

Was I really? No, you did not. Don't tell them that. They don't want to think about us like that.

[Cole Escola]

No. Well, I was insinuating that you were watching him have, like, explosive diarrhea.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, I thought you were insinuating that I was watching him.

[Cole Escola]

Isn't that funny how he.

[Matt Rogers]

Were we sharing the bed when I had to keep getting up?

[Bowen Yang]

Yes, we were. And we also shared the bed. The only, only, only time I've ever. And it was bad. Like, we both had, like, growing up moments in that. The only time I've ever blacked out. Oh, from 4th of July where, like, they found my wallet on the boardwalk and it was this whole, like, community effort to get.

[Matt Rogers]

That was the only time you've ever blacked out.

[Cole Escola]

Good for you.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Really?

[Bowen Yang]

I would say so. I didn't really ever black out in college or high school.

[Matt Rogers]

Hmm.

[Bowen Yang]

You sound like you don't believe me. No.

[Matt Rogers]

I'm trying to go through the Rolodex in my mind to think of times I've seen Bowen Yang Sloppy.

[Bowen Yang]

It was so scary because I've never liked, had like, a black box in the memory of, like. Oh, I don't remember what happened.

[Matt Rogers]

Well, we got you back the wallet.

[Bowen Yang]

Got me back the wallet.

[Matt Rogers]

And thank God, because a lot of.

[Cole Escola]

I hope everybody's credit cards because this goes back to what I was saying about health.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, you were saying that right before we got on.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

You were saying you hope Covid comes back.

[Cole Escola]

Yes.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

Stronger. Cause like a gay.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

It over promised and underdelivered.

[Matt Rogers]

Under delivered.

[Bowen Yang]

You think Covid under delivered?

[Cole Escola]

Compared to what?

[Matt Rogers]

Compared to what?

[Cole Escola]

Compared to what?

[Matt Rogers]

That's a really good season two of Veep.

[Cole Escola]

I mean, you gotta be specific.

[Bowen Yang]

I know. I'm sorry. I guess compared to difficult people.

[Cole Escola]

Okay.

[Matt Rogers]

Are you.

[Cole Escola]

Yes.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Did you find something ever?

[Cole Escola]

Matt, come on.

[Matt Rogers]

You're right. I shouldn't even go. Did you ever find something since Downton Abbey that you liked as much?

[Cole Escola]

Yes.

[Matt Rogers]

What?

[Bowen Yang]

Gilded Age growing up, I was always.

[Cole Escola]

Sort of, like, sidelined. Like, I was sidelined.

[Matt Rogers]

We're gonna take a break and not come back. We're back.

[Bowen Yang]

We're back.

[Cole Escola]

The Waltons.

[Matt Rogers]

I don't think I know that.

[Bowen Yang]

Is that about the Walton family?

[Cole Escola]

Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no. They're a family named the Waltons. It's not like the Walmart Waltons.

[Matt Rogers]

Well. Cause you were that you love Walmart and the family. That.

[Cole Escola]

That I love. How I love their business model. Like, why. Why is that controversial to say? Like.

[Bowen Yang]

Right.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

They're doing very well. Why am I.

[Matt Rogers]

And they're funding Omari on Broadway.

[Cole Escola]

Why shouldn't I be proud of them? And. Yes. They're funding Omari on Broadway.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

And I'm very proud of them. Yeah. Like, let's. What they're doing is legal.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah. It's like, okay.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah. They're cutting corners. They're underpaying. Like, it's legal. If you have a problem with them, take it up with your president, Joe Biden, the one you both wanted so bad.

[Matt Rogers]

We did. We wanted him so bad.

[Bowen Yang]

We really did.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

We really didn't.

[Matt Rogers]

I didn't vote for a misstop. I wrote in the primary.

[Cole Escola]

I wrote in, but I will vote for him. I wrote in.

[Bowen Yang]

Judy Garland, Trump.

[Matt Rogers]

You wrote in Ivanka?

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Where is Ivanka?

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, she'll. She'll be hitting trail.

[Matt Rogers]

Will she?

[Bowen Yang]

She's in the dark right now.

[Matt Rogers]

She came out. She was like, I have been wanting to be on this podcast.

[Cole Escola]

She's like, I want to talk about health in the gay community.

[Matt Rogers]

I bet she does.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah. Giardia. My husband has giardia. He can't get rid of it.

[Matt Rogers]

Jared.

[Bowen Yang]

Jared J. Kush.

[Matt Rogers]

We can't give Him a cool name.

[Bowen Yang]

No, that's not cool.

[Cole Escola]

That's not cool.

[Matt Rogers]

J. Kush.

[Bowen Yang]

Jay Kush. Well, even Kush. Terrible weed name.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't like that. Ganja. What about ganja?

[Bowen Yang]

No, no, it's bad. We really haven't come up with something good.

[Matt Rogers]

I think it's. Reefer is good.

[Cole Escola]

Molly's.

[Bowen Yang]

Molly's. So sprinkled. Reefer.

[Cole Escola]

You think reefer's good?

[Matt Rogers]

I think reefer's funny.

[Cole Escola]

Who has reefer?

[Bowen Yang]

Ew.

[Matt Rogers]

I love it. Let's go smoke reefer. You love it.

[Bowen Yang]

Matt says it in a fun way.

[Matt Rogers]

Smoke reefer.

[Bowen Yang]

Let's smoke reefer.

[Matt Rogers]

I got Jared be saying it too. Not Kushner. Jared Frieder.

[Bowen Yang]

Frieder. J. Freed. Reefer.

[Cole Escola]

I'm looking at you like I'm not sure.

[Matt Rogers]

Like I'm a crazy guy.

[Cole Escola]

You're like you're a crazy guy.

[Bowen Yang]

I.

[Cole Escola]

You. Love.

[Bowen Yang]

What's it like kissing James every night?

[Matt Rogers]

Why don't you tell us?

[Cole Escola]

Oh, yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Stop.

[Cole Escola]

Wait. We share a leading man. We share a leading man.

[Bowen Yang]

We share a romantic interest. Romantic lead. I'm sorry. My brain. Not what it used to be.

[Cole Escola]

It's okay.

[Matt Rogers]

I think it's getting sharper all the time. I think you're getting smarter every day. And stronger.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

I gotta say, I love to read. I'm reading books again.

[Matt Rogers]

We're taking a European trip. And Bowen described the desire to read. And I thought that. That sounded so boring.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah, it's good for depression.

[Bowen Yang]

It was so. It was really good for the bad moment that last summer was. I. I was probably even boring you to death with it. I was just like. I've been reading a lot.

[Cole Escola]

No, the thing is, like, you actually, and this is the scary part, you did not seem different at all.

[Bowen Yang]

That is terrible.

[Cole Escola]

Because he was lying, right?

[Matt Rogers]

Because it was all lying.

[Bowen Yang]

It was all a lie.

[Matt Rogers]

It was for attention.

[Bowen Yang]

No, the bad moment was, like, in London. And I was like, I have to go somewhere. I can't be. Like, I can't be here for. I'm sorry. I keep shaking the table. And then by the time I was in another place and I was among friends or a friend, I was like, this is much better.

[Cole Escola]

So you were lying? Or. Wait, what are you saying? Yeah, you were lying.

[Bowen Yang]

I was lying.

[Cole Escola]

By the time you got there and.

[Bowen Yang]

You were saying that. We'll be right back.

[Cole Escola]

Sorry.

[Matt Rogers]

And we're back.

[Cole Escola]

No, you really didn't seem.

[Bowen Yang]

That's terrifying.

[Cole Escola]

That's terrifying. Do you talk to anyone now? Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Are you both in therapy. Like, for real?

[Bowen Yang]

Yes.

[Cole Escola]

With each other.

[Matt Rogers]

With each other. You know what I just started doing?

[Cole Escola]

What?

[Matt Rogers]

Emdr.

[Bowen Yang]

Controversial.

[Matt Rogers]

Is it controversial?

[Bowen Yang]

Controversial.

[Matt Rogers]

Well, I can't wait to hear everyone's opinion on it. What I really cannot wait for is for everyone in our beloved community to tell me how I should be doing that.

[Bowen Yang]

Well, no, but I. I. And I didn't mean to undercut.

[Matt Rogers]

What is controversial about it?

[Cole Escola]

It killed JonBenet.

[Matt Rogers]

Em. It was EMDR that did it.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Wait, why is it controversial?

[Bowen Yang]

I think it's just. I think it's a relatively new form of therapy. It's like, there's a lot of debate.

[Cole Escola]

Around, and it killed John Benet. Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Wow. Someone had to.

[Cole Escola]

Matt.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay, okay.

[Matt Rogers]

It's a comedy podcast.

[Bowen Yang]

No, it must.

[Cole Escola]

Okay, then be funny. Shit. God.

[Matt Rogers]

You said before you came on here, you killed her, so what the fuck?

[Cole Escola]

Oh, my God. And the burping. Remember that? What?

[Bowen Yang]

What was that from the parents?

[Cole Escola]

No, no, no. The guy that. That killed his wife. What's it called? That documentary. And then he was.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, oh, oh, the Jinx.

[Cole Escola]

The jinx. No, no, it's not the Jinx.

[Bowen Yang]

Jinx. Or it was the murder in Boston.

[Cole Escola]

No, no, no. That guy that, like, he killed his wife. And then he was, like, in a bathroom on a live mic going pee, and he's like, of course I killed him. Oh, yeah, the jinx.

[Bowen Yang]

Have you guys seen what Jennifer Did?

[Matt Rogers]

No, what's what Jennifer did?

[Bowen Yang]

It's on Netflix. It's, like, truly the most. It hits hard because it hits close to home for me, because it is this Asian girl who felt so pressured by her parents to succeed that she killed them.

[Cole Escola]

Kill.

[Bowen Yang]

Killed them.

[Matt Rogers]

So that hit home for you. That's what you just said on the mic. It wasn't like Cole who said all the nasty things.

[Bowen Yang]

No, off mic. This is on mic. I'm saying. No, not that I relate to her killing. Her wanting to kill her parents or killing her parents. It is this thing of, like, she must have felt like I. It's like, y'all, if things did not go a certain way, like, I would have been. I would have killed my pants. No, I. I would have, like, been, like, in that, like, kind of like.

[Matt Rogers]

You're saying you get it.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah. You could have seen yourself going down. No, not her parents, but.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, my God, this is so crazy.

[Matt Rogers]

Everyone that watched the Mother's Day episode, that SNL the other night, that said, oh, look, Bowen's mom, that could have turned out really different.

[Bowen Yang]

I'm saying. I'm like, my life turned out. It was so many things aligning, and it was this.

[Matt Rogers]

No, I think what you're saying is very cogent.

[Cole Escola]

Mm.

[Matt Rogers]

I think this is good. I think.

[Bowen Yang]

Not saying I wanted to kill my parents.

[Matt Rogers]

You're saying you understand the circumstances in which this girl did. You're saying you identify with, sympathize with, and trust her to be president.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

You want Trump on Broadway acting and this girl president? What Jennifer did was slay.

[Bowen Yang]

She was, like, a compulsive. She, like, lied about, like, going to school because, like, her parents, like, it was. It was so crazy.

[Cole Escola]

I love liars.

[Matt Rogers]

I do have to tell you, last night I watched the Lisa Rin, a Lifetime movie. Mommy Meanest. You gotta get into it.

[Bowen Yang]

It's good.

[Matt Rogers]

It's based on a true story. It's about a mother who terrorizes her daughter to, like, control her by texting her, like, horrible, vicious things from several burner phones. This is based on a true story. And Lisa Rinna is just like, well, I don't understand what's happening. Like, what? She's the mom and she goes in the. Goes in her closet, sits down on her computer and just types.

[Cole Escola]

So good.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

The soaps really, like, get people like Julianne Moore, Juliet. Meg Ryan came from Soaps.

[Matt Rogers]

Who else? There's, like, a famous. Oh, Margot Robbie was an Australian Neighbors.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Yes.

[Cole Escola]

Isn't that what it's called, Neighbors?

[Matt Rogers]

And I believe Chris Hemsworth was also on that. And maybe even Kylie Minogue back in the day. Kylie Minogue was definitely on a soap.

[Bowen Yang]

Back in the day. That's right.

[Matt Rogers]

Shout out to Kylie Minogue. Just saw her in Vegas. That was a great show.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, congrats, by the way.

[Matt Rogers]

Thank you.

[Cole Escola]

I rolled my eyes.

[Matt Rogers]

I rolled him right back.

[Cole Escola]

Okay.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Take a sip of those.

[Cole Escola]

Wait, isn't Bethenny Frankel in a Lifetime movie?

[Matt Rogers]

She is. And it's another thing where it's like, I have a daughter, and it's weird. They really are pivoting to, like, it's me against my daughter a lot. And you know what was so bad about this movie was, like, it literally just ends with Lisa Rinna. Spoiler alert. She just, like, gets caught, and she doesn't even, like, change. She's just like, well, I did it because I want us to be close friends.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

And the daughter's like, you're a fucking crazy person. She goes to jail for two days, gets out, and then the daughter moves out. That's it. There's like, no. There's no campy fight. There's no.

[Cole Escola]

Anything. I mean, it's Gypsy.

[Bowen Yang]

It's Gypsy.

[Cole Escola]

It's Trump and Gypsy.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

I think. I think we found it right off the bat. It is Trump and Gypsy.

[Jason Alexander]

Why did I do it?

[Cole Escola]

What did it get me?

[Matt Rogers]

This is kind of giving, like. What's that? Bear?

[Bowen Yang]

Yogi.

[Cole Escola]

Yogi Bear.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of giving. Yogi Bear.

[Cole Escola]

Brad Garrett.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

Everybody loves Raven.

[Matt Rogers]

That's really good.

[Cole Escola]

Everybody loves Raven.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, that's.

[Cole Escola]

Why did I do it?

[Matt Rogers]

Can you do Patty Heaton?

[Cole Escola]

Why do Kelsey Grammer and I get ostracized for being Republicans?

[Bowen Yang]

Uh huh.

[Matt Rogers]

It's actually a really good question. Why?

[Bowen Yang]

Why?

[Matt Rogers]

It's just their beliefs.

[Cole Escola]

It's just their beliefs. We'll be right back. I'm sorry.

[Matt Rogers]

And we're back.

[Cole Escola]

We're back.

[Bowen Yang]

Cole, would you host a talk show?

[Cole Escola]

Yes.

[Bowen Yang]

Because I feel like Broadway is over. Well, it's over, but I feel like there is something.

[Cole Escola]

You guys gotta be careful. Cause this is my community now.

[Bowen Yang]

You're right. Broadway is, I think, for you. Is this fair to say? It's like the goal.

[Cole Escola]

It is.

[Bowen Yang]

It was always the goal.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah. The secret dream in the back of my mind was always like, that's so cool. Well, how do I get to Broadway? Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

This could not have happened.

[Cole Escola]

Everyone thinks I'm joking.

[Matt Rogers]

No, no, I don't think.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, fuck you. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, no, no, it's okay.

[Matt Rogers]

Ugly.

[Bowen Yang]

Cause like, I remember you saying this to me and Celeste and then Celeste and I were talking about it afterwards. We were like, oh, that's so cool. Like, it's amazing. Like, it's.

[Cole Escola]

I feel like I thought every gay person was always just secretly, like, wanting to be on Broadway. Don't you think? A little bit.

[Matt Rogers]

I have that dream.

[Bowen Yang]

Not quite as much as you guys, but I think yes. I've like, had like the flash of the fantasy and.

[Cole Escola]

Honey, you will.

[Bowen Yang]

No, no, no, no, no, no. For me, I'm just like.

[Cole Escola]

I don't think that's like Ross Nixon, the two of you.

[Matt Rogers]

That actually would be good.

[Bowen Yang]

I'm Nixon.

[Matt Rogers]

I think so.

[Bowen Yang]

I think you have a better Nixon.

[Matt Rogers]

I'm not a crook.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, my God.

[Bowen Yang]

Slay better than your Trump.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, my God.

[Matt Rogers]

Let me tell you something.

[Cole Escola]

Who is that?

[Matt Rogers]

I can't wait to get to Broadway.

[Cole Escola]

Who is that? I don't know.

[Matt Rogers]

It's sort of like, who is it?

[Bowen Yang]

It's like you doing Fallon.

[Matt Rogers]

Doing.

[Cole Escola]

But it's like a cartoon villain. I can't. It's Not Jafar, but it's almost Jafar.

[Bowen Yang]

To get back on track. It's very cool that you're doing Broadway and is the fantasy to stay there for the rest of your life.

[Cole Escola]

I would like to keep working in theater.

[Matt Rogers]

Why? Just 12 weeks.

[Cole Escola]

I work with a numerologist who. She's very powerful, this woman. Her shoulders are so broad.

[Matt Rogers]

You think it's because of the numerology.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah. She's got this kind of sexy, kind of.

[Matt Rogers]

Ooh.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah. She's got this sexy gait. She just walks real bow legged.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

And I love her. And she said 12.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

She looked at me and she said 12.

[Matt Rogers]

Is it actually the. The goal for you, like. Cause I saw you talking about this on Stradio Lab. Like, someone else would do it.

[Cole Escola]

I would love for someone else to play Mary.

[Matt Rogers]

Really?

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

And do you. Would you want, like, some, like, a list person to drop in or.

[Cole Escola]

And like, I don't care, as long as they're, like. I would want them to be, like, good at it. My dream is Titus Burgess.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, my God.

[Cole Escola]

I mean, like, in a way that almost would make me be like, wait, maybe you're too good. Don't. Don't.

[Bowen Yang]

It wouldn't be that different. That's what I was gonna say.

[Matt Rogers]

But that would be good and, like, thrilling.

[Cole Escola]

But like. Yeah, imagine. Imagine.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, totally.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah. Yeah. And I can picture how Titus wig would be different too. Like the stupid curls.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah. Have you had so many conversations with people where they. They cast it at you?

[Cole Escola]

No.

[Bowen Yang]

Really?

[Cole Escola]

No.

[Matt Rogers]

Why? Do you want to start?

[Bowen Yang]

Sure.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

I mean, frankly, you'd be great.

[Bowen Yang]

No.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

No, I wouldn't.

[Cole Escola]

But you don't think I'd be good as Mary.

[Matt Rogers]

Say no more. Hey.

[Cole Escola]

No, I'm thinking I think you'd be.

[Bowen Yang]

A good Mary's teacher.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

You have the skull.

[Cole Escola]

If I had to cast you in.

[Bowen Yang]

The show, it would be as if I had to.

[Cole Escola]

If I had to. Gun to my head, leading man, gun to my head. I would just tell them to shoot. But I would say, I can't cast Matt in this show. I would say, just shoot me.

[Matt Rogers]

But no, don't actually feel bad for me. That makes it real. You monster. Don't be like, this is my friend breaking down, crying, weeping. God damn it.

[Cole Escola]

Well, I really are driving us apart. I was thinking, if Bowen's Mary, then I would want you to be Mary's teacher.

[Matt Rogers]

I think I'd be married.

[Bowen Yang]

I think he'd be the Mary teacher.

[Cole Escola]

But I can also see a world where you're Mary. And you're Abe.

[Bowen Yang]

I would love to see. I think I'm better cast as Abe. You put all your little Asian guys as Abe, don't you?

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. You were saying earlier before on Mike that you fetishize them.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah, Yeah, I do.

[Bowen Yang]

Not to put her. Not because of Titus, and it's like such a. Within that circle, but, like, I think Krakowski.

[Cole Escola]

I was just gonna say, like, iconic.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

I mean.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, my God. Wouldn't Sedaris want to do it?

[Cole Escola]

Absolutely.

[Bowen Yang]

Gosh, it'd be amazing.

[Matt Rogers]

She would crush.

[Cole Escola]

But I would love to write plays. I would love to keep writing plays for other people to be in.

[Bowen Yang]

I mean, what's very cool is that I think it's like, at this point, you just get to do anything and everything.

[Cole Escola]

I don't know.

[Matt Rogers]

Can we be.

[Cole Escola]

The industry is really amazing. That's true. The industries are really amazing right now.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

Everyone's really excited and everyone is happy.

[Matt Rogers]

Earnestly.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

No one deserves it more. Yeah, Nobody deserves it more. You. No, because I'm not doing this. You. This is. You are not the host of this podcast. It's my podcast. And sometimes it gets earnest.

[Cole Escola]

Thanks. That's that word, though.

[Matt Rogers]

Earnest.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

Deserve.

[Matt Rogers]

Deserve.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, sure.

[Cole Escola]

Because we all deserve.

[Bowen Yang]

Of course.

[Cole Escola]

Everyone deserves.

[Matt Rogers]

Can I say no? No. You are.

[Cole Escola]

You are a sister you never had.

[Matt Rogers]

Whatever. You know, you're our idol.

[Bowen Yang]

Yes.

[Cole Escola]

Stop it.

[Bowen Yang]

I mean, it is perfect. It's also. I mean, watching the show, it's the.

[Cole Escola]

Best thing that's ever happened to me in my whole life, this show being produced. And I'm trying to, like, soak up everything that's. That's happening right now, because I know soon my turn will be over, and that's fine. All our turn. We. We all get a turn and we get to the back of the line and we wait and we wait and we wait and then we get our turn.

[Matt Rogers]

Well, you got to get fast pass. This is why you need to go to Epcot with us.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, my God.

[Cole Escola]

You choose to cut every.

[Matt Rogers]

Cut every line.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah, okay, fine. I'll go to Epcot.

[Matt Rogers]

Honestly, I. One day.

[Cole Escola]

One day.

[Matt Rogers]

Next time we're on, like, one of our eight day trips.

[Cole Escola]

Here's why I wouldn't go. I don't want to be on a plane about it.

[Matt Rogers]

It's a three hour situation.

[Cole Escola]

I don't want to take a plane about it, you know, but I don't want to go to the airport, get on a plane, be at the airport, get my luggage all for Epcot. Like, if I was in wherever. Where is it? Virginia?

[Matt Rogers]

Florida?

[Cole Escola]

Orlando. Exactly. And I. If I was in Orlando, they would.

[Matt Rogers]

Love Omari down in Orlando, by the way. Yes. Yes.

[Cole Escola]

Liars, both of you. I smell it. I smell it seeping out of your pores. The lies.

[Bowen Yang]

But the weed.

[Cole Escola]

The weed, the marijuana, the pot. You two pot smokers. I've had enough of you two pot smokers.

[Matt Rogers]

I've had enough of us, too, to be quite honest.

[Cole Escola]

But I would go to Epcot if I was in Orlando already.

[Bowen Yang]

All right, okay.

[Matt Rogers]

So we just have to figure out.

[Cole Escola]

A way to trap me in Orlando.

[Matt Rogers]

Entrapment.

[Bowen Yang]

Central Florida.

[Matt Rogers]

We can do it.

[Bowen Yang]

We can do it. What's that face for?

[Cole Escola]

I don't know.

[Bowen Yang]

I don't know if I could do it.

[Matt Rogers]

I don't know about, like, really Florida in general. What. Hell of a drug. But, yeah, you do have to kind of go there to go to Disney World. So that's, I guess, where we're rubbing up.

[Cole Escola]

It's just. It's the plane, correct? The airports.

[Matt Rogers]

You don't like to fly.

[Cole Escola]

I don't like it. It's very scary.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, because growing up.

[Matt Rogers]

Go there.

[Cole Escola]

I just, like. I never got to soar. And to be that high, like, it's like.

[Bowen Yang]

Everything.

[Cole Escola]

It reminds me of, like, what I didn't get growing up. And I'm sorry. I have to go poop really bad.

[Matt Rogers]

We'll be right back.

[Cole Escola]

Your boyfriend took our money in dips.

[Jason Alexander]

From producer Issa Rae.

[Matt Rogers]

How we gonna make $1,500 by 6? You bought this? Okay. On January 17th.

[Bowen Yang]

You want a loan?

[Matt Rogers]

Don't do it. I've never seen a credit score this low. What if we combine our scores? Kinky Palmer is having one of them days.

[Cole Escola]

First the rent, and then our lomo's.

[Matt Rogers]

Trying to kill us.

[Jason Alexander]

SZA is having one of them days.

[Matt Rogers]

He's showing him he and steal on the same day.

[Peter Tilden]

Alyssa, run.

[Matt Rogers]

One of Them Days. Directed by Lawrence Lamont.

[Jason Alexander]

Exclusively in theaters January 17th.

[Matt Rogers]

Rated R. Under 17, 90 minute without parent.

[Jason Alexander]

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the really Know really podcast. Our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions. Like why they refused to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor.

[Matt Rogers]

We got the answer.

[Jason Alexander]

Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you. And the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts. His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by.

[Matt Rogers]

Mr. Brian Cranston is. What are you.

[Jason Alexander]

Hello, my friend Wayne Knight. About Jurassic Park.

[Matt Rogers]

Wayne Knight, welcome to really.

[Jason Alexander]

No, really, sir.

[Bowen Yang]

Bless you all.

[Jason Alexander]

Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging.

[Bowen Yang]

Really?

[Matt Rogers]

That's the opening.

[Bowen Yang]

Really?

[Matt Rogers]

No, really?

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, really? No, really.

[Jason Alexander]

Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win 500, a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition sign. Jason Bobblehead. It's called really no, really? And you can find it on the iHeartRadio app on Apple Podcasts or wherever.

[Matt Rogers]

You get your podcasts.

[Peter Tilden]

We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop.

[Cole Escola]

Wow. Very powerful.

[Peter Tilden]

I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry.

[Matt Rogers]

I really wanted to be a Playboy model.

[Peter Tilden]

Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please, because at the center of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of.

[Matt Rogers]

His pattern of behavior.

[Peter Tilden]

He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it.

[Cole Escola]

He's everywhere and has been everywhere.

[Peter Tilden]

It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just. Just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to the bunny trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Bowen Yang]

Are you pooping a lot?

[Cole Escola]

I do poop a lot.

[Bowen Yang]

That's good.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

You poop a lot.

[Cole Escola]

Mm. I'm a vegan.

[Bowen Yang]

Mmm. And so all of this really supports the idea that I've had, which is that coal. Not to actually earnestly get on health, but I find you to be very healthy.

[Cole Escola]

Thank you for saying that. Overall, it's one of my main initiatives. Going to Broadway. Make Broadway healthy again.

[Matt Rogers]

Bring healthy back.

[Cole Escola]

Bring health back to Broadway. People think, oh, capitalism's ruining theater because ticket prices are right. I think we eat right. We get the good eight hours of sleep we need.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

Finances will catch up.

[Matt Rogers]

Do you sleep well because you eat well?

[Cole Escola]

I don't sleep well.

[Matt Rogers]

You don't sleep well?

[Cole Escola]

I stay up every night till 5am Seriously?

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

No matter what.

[Bowen Yang]

What time do you get up?

[Cole Escola]

If I'm on my own, I'll wake up at, like, if I have nowhere to be.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

3 really?

[Matt Rogers]

So you're nocturnal.

[Cole Escola]

Nocturnal. Always have been.

[Matt Rogers]

Does that bother you that you don't see the morning? All right.

[Cole Escola]

Yes.

[Matt Rogers]

What do we do?

[Cole Escola]

I don't know.

[Bowen Yang]

Birding.

[Cole Escola]

Birding.

[Bowen Yang]

Birding.

[Cole Escola]

Like, when poop.

[Matt Rogers]

This has been a. This has been a thing. This has been a thing with bones.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, you want to, like, go, like, look at birds? I've thought about that because I need a hobby.

[Bowen Yang]

It's actually.

[Cole Escola]

Do you bird?

[Bowen Yang]

I've started to.

[Cole Escola]

Do you have an app?

[Bowen Yang]

I have an app. So Merlin is the one that. The Cornell Institute of Ornithology or whatever, like, they have a department.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, they're really problematic, actually. No, well.

[Matt Rogers]

Cause you're the president, you were saying, of them before you got on.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

And it's been your mission.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

To problematize.

[Matt Rogers]

To kill the birds. Oh, like kill the birds.

[Bowen Yang]

Tuppets. Very well.

[Cole Escola]

I mean, it's interesting because that feeds into my. I don't think so.

[Matt Rogers]

You sang that song at Queers Live.

[Cole Escola]

I did.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, that was so fun.

[Cole Escola]

It means a lot to me.

[Bowen Yang]

Should we do that again?

[Matt Rogers]

We should do it again.

[Cole Escola]

It means a lot to me that you came to the show. Thank you. It really means a lot.

[Matt Rogers]

What if we did Queers Live at, like, Radio City Musical?

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Let's do it.

[Bowen Yang]

Let's do it.

[Matt Rogers]

They offered. Actually, we were offered a show at this other thing. Maybe we should do.

[Bowen Yang]

Maybe we should do that. That's fun.

[Matt Rogers]

That could be really fun.

[Cole Escola]

In Orlando.

[Bowen Yang]

In Orlando. And then that's when we get ya.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah. If you can get me to Orlando for a gig, I'll go to Epcot with you.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay, but really quickly. I've gone birding for just like.

[Cole Escola]

And for curiosity.

[Bowen Yang]

So much fun.

[Cole Escola]

Where do you go? The parks.

[Bowen Yang]

Prospect Park. Vale of Cashmere. So literally, like, historic cruising spot. But it is the best spot for birding. It's so funny.

[Cole Escola]

Sure. Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Peckers abound, honey.

[Cole Escola]

I was just looking for a bird. Only thing I know, I've got Jardia.

[Matt Rogers]

This character is a caricature.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

It's so fun. Get a nice pair of binoculars and then you go. You go in the mornings and it's all.

[Cole Escola]

How much were they?

[Bowen Yang]

How much were they?

[Cole Escola]

The binoculars.

[Matt Rogers]

Go ahead.

[Bowen Yang]

I actually bought a.

[Matt Rogers]

They were luenna.

[Bowen Yang]

I bought a middle price. Like, I mean, they. They do go crazy. I got, like 80 bucks.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, my God.

[Matt Rogers]

They're only $300.

[Bowen Yang]

They're expensive.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

I bought one for 80 bucks. And then. But then you go there. It's all these old women, but the Activity itself is free. And the old women there compared to. You gotta be careful with these words, Boomer. How about that? Generational. You can't. Okay. And then in a group. Well, there's. It seems like there's. There's a lot of walks. There's like, a queer birding group, and there's, like, you know, like, whatever. Like, different queer birding group. Queer birding group's already redundant. But then there's, like, all these, like, guys with cameras. But it's, like, nice. It's like you get all types, and it's free.

[Cole Escola]

And then cameras, guys. God, that makes me so horny. I love guys with cameras. Oh, my God.

[Bowen Yang]

And it's. It's just four different people telling you, like, there's a scarlet tanager today.

[Cole Escola]

Oh. Like, they're, like, pointing it out to you.

[Bowen Yang]

Or it's like they're politely being like, do you see there's a. There's a nut hatch today. It's so sweet. It's very sweet. And you go, I heard, I saw, I heard. And then, leave me alone.

[Cole Escola]

Leave me alone.

[Bowen Yang]

No, no, no. It's not even that. And then. And then. I'm sorry. Looking at a bird up close in the binoculars in 3D space as the light's hitting it, it is, like, incredible.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah, that sounds more healthy than, like, gambling.

[Bowen Yang]

Totally.

[Cole Escola]

But it's the same. It feeds the same impulse.

[Bowen Yang]

It feeds the same impulse.

[Cole Escola]

I want to win. I want to catch.

[Bowen Yang]

Yes.

[Cole Escola]

The thing. And it's like, all you're doing is looking at a bird.

[Bowen Yang]

You're looking at a bird, and then you think, oh, is that gonna hurt? Exactly. Well, maybe the bird.

[Matt Rogers]

They want their privacy. It's one of those things.

[Bowen Yang]

It's one of those hobbies where I'm like, why the fuck do people get into this? And then you do it once, and you're like, oh, I get it. Promise.

[Cole Escola]

And it seems like it would be something fun to add to traveling. Like, if you're traveling and you're like, ooh, I'm gonna see what kind of birds they have here. A big yellow.

[Bowen Yang]

A big yellow.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, the big yellow. Oh, I went to Canada and I saw all the big yellow.

[Bowen Yang]

I'm genuinely excited to do that. When I go, this would loop back.

[Matt Rogers]

Around to activity I can't do because of colorblindness.

[Cole Escola]

No, I'm colorblind as well.

[Matt Rogers]

You actually are.

[Cole Escola]

I am. I can't tell the difference between green and brown a lot of the time.

[Matt Rogers]

Neither can I. Yeah, it's because you're Red, Green. Color blind. Right. Same. So.

[Cole Escola]

So when I was a kid, I would color the tree. Sorry.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay.

[Cole Escola]

I would color the trunks of the trees green.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

And the leaves brown. And I would get points knocked off.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

Minus two.

[Matt Rogers]

And there were only a few.

[Cole Escola]

And there's only. Yeah. Like, 10 points.

[Matt Rogers]

My sister, I used to think she had green hair all my life.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Because she had brown hair and it looked green to me.

[Cole Escola]

And I thought peanut butter was green.

[Matt Rogers]

I probably still do, to be honest.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Blue and purple. It's impossible.

[Cole Escola]

Same. Forget it.

[Matt Rogers]

Sometimes weird ones, like orange.

[Cole Escola]

Have you ever worn those glasses?

[Matt Rogers]

Yes, but they're a scam.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, don't you. I've never tried them. I was going to say, like, oh, that would have been a fun thing for us to do today, but they're a scam.

[Matt Rogers]

Honestly. My. We did a Secret Santa and my one friend got me those. Those glasses, and it ended up being like. I put them on and I'm like, well, if this is what everyone sees normally, it's hell.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

And.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

I just thought, because, you know, they have, like, those red glasses.

[Bowen Yang]

Right?

[Matt Rogers]

I just saw, like, red. Like, I didn't see anything.

[Bowen Yang]

No. New.

[Cole Escola]

I wonder if they bought the cheap ones or something.

[Matt Rogers]

I mean, certainly.

[Cole Escola]

Who is this friend? Name them.

[Matt Rogers]

Chris Schleicher.

[Bowen Yang]

Chris Schleicher.

[Cole Escola]

Chris. You cheap bastard. Like.

[Matt Rogers]

But also, he got me a. Like a set, though, at the same time, it wasn't the only gift. He got me like a. Like a shirt. What is it? Like a.

[Cole Escola]

So you're a spoiled little. Your daddy's spoiled brat. Yes.

[Matt Rogers]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay.

[Matt Rogers]

Yes. Always have been, always will be.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Never will change.

[Bowen Yang]

I love a brat.

[Cole Escola]

It's so fun.

[Bowen Yang]

Mary's kind of a brat.

[Cole Escola]

I love. Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Total brat.

[Bowen Yang]

Total brat.

[Matt Rogers]

Total bratty girl.

[Cole Escola]

I'm a brat.

[Bowen Yang]

I know that about you.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

They demanded a very nice hotel room.

[Matt Rogers]

Did they?

[Bowen Yang]

In Amsterdam. And I gave it.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

The Sofitel.

[Bowen Yang]

Sofitel.

[Cole Escola]

Mm.

[Bowen Yang]

Did we get breakfast the next day? No.

[Matt Rogers]

We did.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Great breakfast.

[Cole Escola]

I was there.

[Matt Rogers]

I think maybe my favorite city that I've been to, that I've been.

[Cole Escola]

Breakfast.

[Matt Rogers]

Amsterdam.

[Bowen Yang]

Breakfast is great.

[Matt Rogers]

Amsterdam. London's great.

[Bowen Yang]

Keep naming cities.

[Cole Escola]

Well, I.

[Matt Rogers]

Like, I forgot the rest. I loved Bruges, actually.

[Cole Escola]

Cookie. California. Atlantic Ocean.

[Matt Rogers]

It's time for. I don't think so, honey. Just before our friend really embarrasses themselves.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, I'm in a. I'm in a cave. I'm doing a thing with a cup.

[Matt Rogers]

Golly.

[Bowen Yang]

In a cave.

[Matt Rogers]

It's a visual medium. You look silly. We got camera. Since you've last been on. Now this is. I don't think so. Honey, one thing hasn't changed. One thing hasn't changed. We still do this goddamn segment, okay? I don't think so, honey. We rant and rave against something in pop culture that's not so great to us.

[Bowen Yang]

No.

[Matt Rogers]

And I had an experience this weekend.

[Bowen Yang]

And I would like to talk about it, okay? Tough couple days for my girl. This is Matt Rogers. I don't think so Honey's time starts now.

[Matt Rogers]

I don't think so, honey. If you show up to a theme party and you don't have anything on, that's the theme.

[Bowen Yang]

Maybe they're coming from war and it's.

[Matt Rogers]

No. Did I tell you something?

[Bowen Yang]

Stop it, okay?

[Matt Rogers]

Because I haven't even been in. I hadn't even been doing that for 10 seconds. And you sided with all of them. And that says a lot about what's gonna happen going forward. You're gonna side with them outside of this dynamic. And I agree with Cole. I'm sick of us. Because if you're gonna keep doing this, I'm seconds into my. I don't think so. I'm doing a really good one that no one's ever talked about before, which is that as a theme party, people should dress the theme. And you undermine me. Just sit there and count down how much time I have left during my time. How about that? I'm sick of you at a theme party. Let's say the theme is New Year's Eve. I want to see a couple hats and glasses, please, for Christ's sake. Because I show up. If you do that again, we're going to have a huge problem. This podcast is over. I agree. I don't think so, honey. That's.

[Bowen Yang]

One minute. Now. Wait, hold on.

[Matt Rogers]

Was the theme New Year's Eve?

[Bowen Yang]

That's fun. If it's like not.

[Matt Rogers]

It was Tom Nye's birthday party held at the house of Tom Nye and Matt Whitaker, and they had a New Year's Eve themed 30th birthday for Thomas. And I show up and I don't know if that everyone is too cool, but no one was doing the theme. And I looked silly in a white jacket, fun glasses, and.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, you did look silly.

[Matt Rogers]

And I'm. I'm the only one dressed for the theme. And then I get looked at onced over by everyone and I'm like. Like, it's the theme.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, I don't like, see if it's a Party and gay guys are there and they once over you.

[Matt Rogers]

Give me a break.

[Bowen Yang]

Get out. Stop it.

[Matt Rogers]

It's like I'm dressed perfect and y'all just look like you put a flannel on and rolled out of bed. You're on your way to Animal afterwards.

[Bowen Yang]

I get it.

[Matt Rogers]

Everyone wants to look their best for Animal. The sip and twirl of Brooklyn.

[Bowen Yang]

I want to apologize to you.

[Matt Rogers]

That would be appropriate, I think.

[Bowen Yang]

I'm really sorry if you were offended.

[Matt Rogers]

You almost had me there, girl. Almost had me thinking.

[Bowen Yang]

No, I'm really sorry for interrupting you. I didn't mean to.

[Matt Rogers]

No, that's okay. You were right.

[Bowen Yang]

I don't mean to bring it past. You know what.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, my God.

[Matt Rogers]

Did I interrupt you?

[Cole Escola]

Equivalent to what?

[Bowen Yang]

The viewers love equivalent injustices.

[Matt Rogers]

No. 100%. You know what happens is, Cole, sometimes I get over caffeinated for the podcast and I get excited.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

And especially when we have a guest that I'm really excited to talk to and really into. I will often do the most, to say the least.

[Bowen Yang]

But can I tell you, I don't mind. And people seem to think that I have a problem with you kind of like getting over enthusiastic. And it's like, that's what I love and I really don't care.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah. It's called a podcast, bitch.

[Matt Rogers]

When they go, poor Bowen, I'm like, why are you infantilizing Bowen? Like, I'm just like.

[Bowen Yang]

Like I'm a child to them.

[Matt Rogers]

It seems like it's like Bowen Yang. If Bowen Yang ever thought that I was out of pocket, I have heard it. And I would hear it, and I would think that that's something we share.

[Cole Escola]

Bowen loves diapers, wearing diapers.

[Bowen Yang]

We were talking about this yesterday. Me, Josh Sharp, Max Wittert at a party. And we were saying that people, we just wanna try one day where we're in adult diapers just to see what it's like. Because the models on adult diapers are just. The way they cast models for adult diapers is so amazing because it is these two.

[Cole Escola]

Well, I've been in those rooms.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, yeah.

[Cole Escola]

Well.

[Bowen Yang]

And you never booked.

[Cole Escola]

Right.

[Bowen Yang]

But it's people who. And this is why you didn't book is because it's people who look happy, healthy, and now you look better. But back then, you brought.

[Cole Escola]

You probably looked really gaunt, drinking and trying to get work as a diaper model. And that was my low. That was my rock bottom. I was hungover, you know, lost my phone, lost my wallet. I would show up to these castings, put on that diaper. It's, you know, me and Geena Davis up for the same spot. Yeah. And she's, you know, the picture of health. The picture of health.

[Matt Rogers]

Academy Award winner. Gonna be very believable on the diaper.

[Cole Escola]

Absolutely. And you know Thelma. Yeah. But then, of course, neither of us got it because that's how this fucked up industry. I'm sorry, I gotta say it.

[Matt Rogers]

Well, I have to tell you something. She booked it. They just. They replaced her with the coke bear. They put the coke bear over her.

[Cole Escola]

The cocaine bear?

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Yes.

[Cole Escola]

From Elizabeth Banks movie.

[Bowen Yang]

But can I tell you something?

[Cole Escola]

What?

[Bowen Yang]

Now with this Play World's your oyster.

[Matt Rogers]

It really is.

[Cole Escola]

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Wait, you really. But you want to wear, like. Would you wear the diaper, like in life? Like under your pants in life? Like just walk around?

[Bowen Yang]

Just to walk around.

[Cole Escola]

Would you pee?

[Bowen Yang]

Pee? Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, for sure. If you're gonna wear it, you might.

[Bowen Yang]

As well use it.

[Matt Rogers]

I don't know if I could poop, though. I think I would pee all over myself. But I don't know if I'd poop on myself.

[Bowen Yang]

We just want to try one night at the club.

[Cole Escola]

Listeners are gonna hate this episode. It's so much poop.

[Bowen Yang]

I just tell.

[Cole Escola]

I'm telling you guys right now.

[Matt Rogers]

I have to say it would be right in line with how they felt about our other episodes recently. So that's actually okay.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah. All right. I think I have something.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Ivan. I don't think so.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh, that's great. And this is. Oh, not Three missed calls.

[Bowen Yang]

Uh, oh.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, God.

[Matt Rogers]

That's always a little disconcerting. You know what I mean?

[Bowen Yang]

I can wait.

[Matt Rogers]

Okay.

[Cole Escola]

Well, where are they from?

[Matt Rogers]

I'll never know because it's like random numbers. It always gives me a little bit of anxiety.

[Bowen Yang]

No, no, no.

[Matt Rogers]

Okay, this is Bowen. I don't think so, honey. And it's time starts now.

[Bowen Yang]

I don't think so, honey.

[Cole Escola]

Pills.

[Bowen Yang]

You want me to put what Where? In my mouth? Here's what my mouth is for. Smiling. Saying a nice compliment to a friend. You look amazing today. Both of you.

[Matt Rogers]

How are you gonna get better when you get sick?

[Bowen Yang]

Suckin'fuckin'rimming, no, not for swallowing a little rock. That might not make me better. It might actually make me feel worse. This mouth is exit only. 30 seconds. That's right. Nothing goes in. If I have my druthers. My perfect day is if nothing goes into my mouth. If only stuff comes out like a funny Joke, a word.

[Matt Rogers]

15 seconds.

[Bowen Yang]

Vomit. I'll Say it. Just kidding. I need to eat. But pills make everything a vaccine. Or actually, I would love a microchip in me. If you could just download a cure to the brain.

[Matt Rogers]

That's one minute. That was a mess.

[Cole Escola]

That was perfect.

[Bowen Yang]

Well, it seems like that was polarizing.

[Matt Rogers]

Let me tell you something. I'm gonna get emotional.

[Cole Escola]

Go there.

[Matt Rogers]

If you get sick, you better take pills. Because I know it's been very tense between us today, but if anything ever happened to you, I would not be able to continue on. And I'm not gonna let Cole get between us. Really have dripped a wedge, by the way. We now know Bowen Yang eats with his butthole.

[Cole Escola]

Can you vomit with his mouth? Oh, yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

I'm trying tonight. Desperately out here.

[Cole Escola]

Okay.

[Matt Rogers]

I like this dance.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay, Wormy. Math is the anus.

[Matt Rogers]

Ah.

[Cole Escola]

Let's warm up our bodies.

[Bowen Yang]

Just.

[Cole Escola]

That feels good. Actually. Relax. Roll our shoulders.

[Bowen Yang]

Do you do little warm ups before every show?

[Cole Escola]

I do. That's good. Conrad really has taught me a lot about.

[Bowen Yang]

That's a pro.

[Cole Escola]

He's a pro about, like, protecting and. Yeah, he's not even, like, actively teaching me. I'm just, like, watching him going, mindset.

[Matt Rogers]

He's Cole. Here's how you do Cat Cow.

[Cole Escola]

That was so mean. That was so mean, Matt. Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

He felt that was racist.

[Bowen Yang]

That's a Tagalog thing.

[Cole Escola]

Ooh, Yikes. You better cut that. You better cut that.

[Matt Rogers]

Can I say in a real way?

[Cole Escola]

Yes.

[Matt Rogers]

What happened with Here Lies Love at the Tonys?

[Bowen Yang]

Truly.

[Cole Escola]

Thank you.

[Matt Rogers]

Isn't that weird?

[Cole Escola]

Thank you.

[Bowen Yang]

It was so good.

[Cole Escola]

I guess an overcrowded season. Was it though, or. I just like a lot of shows. I don't know.

[Bowen Yang]

It was such a beloved show and it was so original.

[Matt Rogers]

And then I was like. When I saw that it got almost nothing. I was like, oh, maybe it wasn't eligible. Maybe that was last year. And then it was fully eligible.

[Cole Escola]

It was eligible. But, you know, it's like summer movies, how they're, like, less likely to get nominated for Oscars. Like.

[Matt Rogers]

Like people didn't remember it.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah, I guess. Or I don't know. That's the only explanation.

[Bowen Yang]

Right, right, right.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, it just was, like, totally blanked across the board. Pretty much. I was like, that's so surprising.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

So this is actually going to be Cool as Skolas.

[Bowen Yang]

And they said that it has to do with Feed the birds, tap into bag.

[Matt Rogers]

Something along those lines.

[Bowen Yang]

Another Mary.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Very interesting. Well, this is Cola's clothes. I don't think so, honey. And their Time starts now.

[Cole Escola]

I don't think so, honey. The scene in Mary Poppins where they go to the bank, the movie is six hours long.

[Bowen Yang]

It is.

[Cole Escola]

That scene comes in at hour five.

[Bowen Yang]

Right.

[Cole Escola]

It takes up another hour. They get a song, the men get a song. And I understand the point of that scene is to be boring, to show, like, oh, they need Mary Poppins. This is boring.

[Bowen Yang]

30 seconds.

[Cole Escola]

You know what? Thematically, have that scene. Have no music. Yeah. You know, right.

[Matt Rogers]

It's.

[Cole Escola]

Mary brings the music in. And for that matter, no music before she comes in either. Okay.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

You know, except for maybe the children do sing to show that they want music. You know, because. When was the last time you watched Mary Poppins?

[Matt Rogers]

I watched the Returns.

[Cole Escola]

No, but this isn't good.

[Bowen Yang]

No, it's been a while since you've seen.

[Cole Escola]

You haven't watched it because you're scared of that bank scene. That's what I'm saying.

[Matt Rogers]

And that's one minute.

[Bowen Yang]

That is so right. And can I tell you something?

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

The whole arc of Mary Poppins, that movie is like not to bring drugs in again. It is like it's all a comedown after they go to cartoon supercalifragilistic world.

[Cole Escola]

Pot Come down.

[Bowen Yang]

It's Pot Come Down.

[Cole Escola]

It's like that classic when you're coming down off of pot, feeling flies in so high and you're, like, shaking and you have those shakes and you get the. And you're like. Your teeth hurt and you're like, oh, my God, why did I smoke all that pot?

[Matt Rogers]

This drug addict.

[Bowen Yang]

What did I wake and bake?

[Matt Rogers]

What did I wake and bake and fly in?

[Cole Escola]

Yeah, that classic. She was like, stupid.

[Matt Rogers]

And Mary Poppins is so fucking dumb. You were saying before, just like every woman. You said that before. Mary Poppins is so dumb. Just like every crazy, hysterical woman now.

[Cole Escola]

I'm so mad.

[Bowen Yang]

Julie Andrews.

[Matt Rogers]

Drag.

[Cole Escola]

Julie Andrews. Can.

[Bowen Yang]

Can.

[Matt Rogers]

I bet you know what's crazy?

[Cole Escola]

What is.

[Matt Rogers]

She has. And, you know, you think about Julie Andrews and you don't think about. But then not everyone has seen Victor Fororia.

[Bowen Yang]

But her whole career after Sounding Music was I need to, like, let go.

[Cole Escola]

I think she made a. A movie with Blake Edwards where she was, like, topless.

[Bowen Yang]

She made several movies right after.

[Matt Rogers]

And there's a lot of subtext in Princess Diaries about how she's a nymphomaniac.

[Cole Escola]

I don't think so, honey. Can I coin a phrase? I don't think so, honey.

[Bowen Yang]

That was the Kelsey punk.

[Matt Rogers]

Well, now. Now it's done.

[Bowen Yang]

Now it's done now.

[Matt Rogers]

Now I just feel silly about the whole. I don't think so.

[Cole Escola]

Can I say something, though?

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

I think today, this podcast. And you guys are back.

[Bowen Yang]

Thank you so much.

[Cole Escola]

Like, I was.

[Bowen Yang]

A lot of people are fallow, period.

[Matt Rogers]

I'm not even kidding. A lot of people are gonna say they're back.

[Cole Escola]

You guys are back, and I want you to be friends. Earlier, I wanted you guys to not be friends.

[Matt Rogers]

Can I tell you something? There's nothing you could have said that would have come between us.

[Bowen Yang]

Sorry.

[Cole Escola]

Really?

[Matt Rogers]

Wow. That really made me scared.

[Cole Escola]

Really? Because.

[Matt Rogers]

Really, really. What do you know?

[Cole Escola]

Well, should I don't.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, that's the. That's the dichotomy. Bowen don't want me. Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Did I.

[Cole Escola]

No, No. I. I really just. I'm. I was worried, and now I'm not. You're welcome.

[Matt Rogers]

I hope that this episode inspired confidence, and I hope it inspired period, period.

[Bowen Yang]

And I hope it inspires.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Go see. What? Wicked.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, Mary. Go see Wicked the movie and Omari on Broadway.

[Matt Rogers]

How do you think Wicked, the movie is gonna be? Pretend he's not here.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, I can't wait. I really can't. And I've never seen it on stage.

[Matt Rogers]

You've never seen it on stage?

[Bowen Yang]

You would like it on stage.

[Cole Escola]

I know I would. I know I would.

[Matt Rogers]

You gotta go.

[Bowen Yang]

Gotta go.

[Cole Escola]

It's that thing where I forget that you can just go.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh, yeah, you absolutely can just go.

[Cole Escola]

In fact, I'm like, I don't have tickets. I'm like, oh, you get tickets.

[Bowen Yang]

You get tickets.

[Matt Rogers]

I was gonna say, you should go tonight, but it's Monday, and famously, they're dark.

[Cole Escola]

Always dark. Except. Oh, Mary will not be dark on Mondays in the summer.

[Bowen Yang]

Wow.

[Matt Rogers]

Perfect.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, perfect. So then when are you dark, then?

[Cole Escola]

Sundays.

[Bowen Yang]

You did tell me this.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, interesting.

[Cole Escola]

Is that strategy? No. Conrad's, like, very, very, very, very religious. I'm kidding.

[Matt Rogers]

I was, like, trying to search my mind and remember if that was true.

[Bowen Yang]

No way.

[Matt Rogers]

Deeply.

[Bowen Yang]

Not deeply not.

[Matt Rogers]

He's such a heathen.

[Bowen Yang]

He really is a heathen.

[Cole Escola]

He believes in, like, upending all social norms.

[Bowen Yang]

Right. Including chaos.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

This is a Judeo Christian podcast, by the way, so we have to sort of float away from that.

[Bowen Yang]

We do. You did inspire me to go see hello, Dollily by myself.

[Cole Escola]

Wait, where?

[Bowen Yang]

Because when Bernadette was on.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, yes.

[Bowen Yang]

I think you and I had a conversation. I was like, I gotta. You gotta get by myself.

[Matt Rogers]

I couldn't afford it at the time. It was. It Was like, I could not get tickets and couldn't afford it. And I feel so fucking crazy that I didn't get to.

[Cole Escola]

I feel that way about Patty and Gypsy.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, I did four tickets at the time.

[Matt Rogers]

You know what's weird? I saw a matinee of it, and.

[Bowen Yang]

She was voting it in at the time.

[Matt Rogers]

I was like, she was marking. And I felt crazy thinking that. But, like, I think she was, well, I'm Laura Benanti.

[Cole Escola]

Crush show is. I can't imagine doing that eight times.

[Matt Rogers]

See? And that's why I don't go to matinees. And it's no shade, and I'm sure everyone does, but I also think that the performers know what I'm talking about.

[Cole Escola]

You know what I mean?

[Matt Rogers]

Like, you're not giving out on.

[Cole Escola]

When I see a play, I see it on a Thursday night, if possible.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, great.

[Matt Rogers]

Why do you think Thursday night is the best?

[Cole Escola]

I am always like, oh, weekends, that's too many shows. They might be tired. Tuesday, they're just coming back Wednesday, Sometimes they have a matinee and then they have an evening show. And so maybe. So Thursday is right before that weekend show. They've had enough time to, you know, Wednesday, having done several weeks off Broadway.

[Matt Rogers]

When do you feel strongest?

[Cole Escola]

It doesn't matter.

[Matt Rogers]

It doesn't matter.

[Cole Escola]

It really doesn't matter. Like, some days I'm like, oh, my God, that Sunday matinee was amazing. Some days I'm like, oh, Friday night.

[Bowen Yang]

It really is, like, so then that's how Patty was.

[Matt Rogers]

I mean, listen, it's Patty. I don't need to be convinced at all. Like, I was just like, oh, I think because I was with my family, I think, and at the time, like always, but we were being sort of like, you know, cognizant about how much we were spending on it. They were like, oh, let's go to a Wednesday matinee, or whatever it was. And I remember leaving being like, oh, I wish that that could have lived up to what my little gay brain made it, which was absolute roaring performance of a lifetime at all times.

[Cole Escola]

And it could have been the audience, too.

[Matt Rogers]

It absolutely could have.

[Bowen Yang]

Patty, we love you. One of the best of.

[Cole Escola]

How do we love you?

[Matt Rogers]

One of the best.

[Bowen Yang]

We want you to live, maybe.

[Cole Escola]

Corky, we love you. We want you to live.

[Bowen Yang]

A line that we quote all the time from Waiting for Guffman. Yeah, good one. Corky, we love you. We want you to live. It's so funny.

[Cole Escola]

Catherine O'Hara would be a great Mary.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Matt Rogers]

So would Parker.

[Bowen Yang]

So would Parker.

[Cole Escola]

Would Parker. Oh, my God.

[Matt Rogers]

I mean, but she's off doing White Lotus right now.

[Cole Escola]

No, she's not. Oh, she was fired today.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh, my gosh.

[Cole Escola]

Chaotic behavior.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh.

[Cole Escola]

No personal differences.

[Matt Rogers]

You're kidding.

[Cole Escola]

Guys. I'm kidding. Okay, April Fool.

[Matt Rogers]

You know what I love to say?

[Cole Escola]

What?

[Matt Rogers]

You're kidding.

[Cole Escola]

You're kidding.

[Matt Rogers]

You're kidding.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, my God. You're kidding.

[Matt Rogers]

You can do it so many different ways. No, I'm auditioning for you. Cause I really want you to want to cast me in the show.

[Cole Escola]

You want me to cast. You want me to want you as Mary?

[Matt Rogers]

No, that's not what I said. No, I don't want that, and I don't think I'm right for it.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, yes, you are.

[Bowen Yang]

I think. Yes, you are. The right casting is me as Abe. And.

[Cole Escola]

No. Not gonna say it, Cole. Whenever I get auditions, I'm always thinking like, oh, Gideon Glick should get this. Oh, Matt Rogers.

[Matt Rogers]

I feel that way all the time. Yeah, but actually less as of late. Less as of late. I'm kind of like, hey, I'm in my bag. Like, I actually have a big audition this week and I actually think. No, I don't think there's anyone that could be. That could do it.

[Cole Escola]

I don't think you will get that one. No, it's too soon.

[Bowen Yang]

It's too soon.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

You're not ready.

[Bowen Yang]

It's too soon.

[Cole Escola]

It's too big enough.

[Matt Rogers]

I only just started.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Well, listen.

[Cole Escola]

No, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you.

[Matt Rogers]

You sure do, Queen. You sure do, Queen.

[Bowen Yang]

We are three neophytes yet.

[Cole Escola]

Am I too mean?

[Bowen Yang]

No. No.

[Cole Escola]

Okay. Okay. You're not mean at all. I love being mean.

[Matt Rogers]

This is Broadway, baby.

[Cole Escola]

Broadway. You watch your back or you wash your mouth.

[Matt Rogers]

You know what? I'm actually. You know what?

[Cole Escola]

I'm actually.

[Matt Rogers]

I'm upset for you because. Well, actually, no, I'm not. Because you're gonna have Sundays off.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

This is a real thing. You have to go see the Sunset Boulevard with Nicole Scherzinger.

[Cole Escola]

Wait, is that coming here?

[Matt Rogers]

Yes.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, my God. Let's go, let's go, let's go. Sundays.

[Matt Rogers]

I'm telling you, I went in the West End. It was so great. She is perfect in it. The concept that they went for is Jamie Lloyd. It's really good.

[Cole Escola]

Like, it's an all queer cast, right?

[Matt Rogers]

I wish that were so right. Just because they were gorgeous.

[Cole Escola]

It's all queer cast, right?

[Bowen Yang]

Are you making.

[Cole Escola]

I'm kidding.

[Matt Rogers]

It's Queers Live. It's Queers Live. That's what I was talking about.

[Cole Escola]

It's like a fully queer crew. Everyone on the team is queer.

[Bowen Yang]

Is amab.

[Cole Escola]

Amab? What's that?

[Bowen Yang]

Assigned male at birth.

[Matt Rogers]

Bowen is the face of amab.

[Bowen Yang]

I'm the face of amab.

[Cole Escola]

Wait, but something I do want to say is I need everyone to buy tickets to Bernadette Peters on Fire Island.

[Matt Rogers]

Wait. Oh, is that happening?

[Cole Escola]

It's happening. I need everyone to buy tickets so that they add a Sunday show because it's on a Saturday, but I think maybe it already is sold out. It's on a Saturday in June or July.

[Bowen Yang]

But that's what they did for Patti last year. They sold out so quickly that they decided to Sunday show.

[Matt Rogers]

I need to know which.

[Cole Escola]

Maybe Bernadette wouldn't want to add a second show, but I would. But I'm dying to see it.

[Bowen Yang]

This is it. Look to the camera like, make your.

[Cole Escola]

Please, mom.

[Bowen Yang]

At a day at a day.

[Matt Rogers]

She's talking to me.

[Cole Escola]

At a day at a day of Bernadette Peters on Fire Island. Growing up. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, that would be amazing.

[Matt Rogers]

I mean, we saw Patty Fear.

[Cole Escola]

I saw her twice. I saw both nights.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh, yeah, you were there.

[Bowen Yang]

You were there that weekend.

[Cole Escola]

I don't know how. Who got me in. I bought the ticket for the second night. The first night.

[Matt Rogers]

Bought tickets. I. I need to know what day it's happening because we.

[Bowen Yang]

You gotta go be there.

[Matt Rogers]

That. That June. Well, Bowen's working all of June, but I'm gonna be there.

[Cole Escola]

Doing what? People's court?

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

Oh, you would be great as, like, a judge on one of those shows.

[Matt Rogers]

Well, he's not very fair. He barely even let me get me through my aisle, thanks to honey.

[Cole Escola]

But you have to be more entertaining than fair, right?

[Matt Rogers]

You're so right.

[Cole Escola]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

And if there's divorce thing, Bowen is.

[Bowen Yang]

It's entertaining.

[Cole Escola]

Entertaining entertainment.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah. As in making, you know, dishes.

[Matt Rogers]

He's gonna show his butt in a movie. Hear about that?

[Bowen Yang]

That's why I've been going to the gym. You're gonna see squats, ass squats and hip thrusts.

[Cole Escola]

I've never seen my butt whole.

[Bowen Yang]

And keep it that way.

[Cole Escola]

Because of the hair.

[Bowen Yang]

Because of the hair and. But just it's the color you're in.

[Matt Rogers]

Is it real hairy down there?

[Cole Escola]

Producers are puking, by the way. All the producers are puking, by the way.

[Matt Rogers]

They're all fired. We have to end the episode, I.

[Cole Escola]

Believe, because there's no, but I just wanted to read a book for you guys.

[Matt Rogers]

Instead of us ending every episode with a song. Can you end the episode with an.

[Cole Escola]

Excerpt from a book?

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Cole Escola]

Okay. Success is counted sweetest by those who ne'er succeed. To comprehend a nectar requires sorest need. Not one of all the purple host who took the flag today can tell the definition so clear of Victor A as he defeated dying on whose forbidden ear the distant strains of triumph ring, agonized and clear.

[Bowen Yang]

That was J.K. rowling.

[Cole Escola]

Yes, speaking about trans rights, Bye Bye.

[Bowen Yang]

Las Culturistas is a Production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players in iHeartRadio podcasts.

[Matt Rogers]

Crazy created and hosted by Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, executive produced by Anna Hazmier and Hansani produced by Becca Ramos.

[Bowen Yang]

Edited and mixed by Doug Babe and.

[Matt Rogers]

Monique Leborg and our music is by Henry Kabirski. The dating app fatigue is real. Mindless swiping, meaningless DMs and an overwhelming amount of likes have made us feel more disconnected than ever. While most dating apps are all about pursuing someone else, there's one that's carved out of space for you to find yourself. Download Field F E E L D.

[Bowen Yang]

On Field, an app where curious people come to connect. You have the breathing room to explore your own desires and go on a journey wherein the person you discover is yourself.

[Matt Rogers]

In fact, 62% of field members evolve their sexuality, interests, and desires within their first year on the app.

[Bowen Yang]

You have the freedom to explore who you are and what you like in ways you haven't imagined.

[Matt Rogers]

As part of this community, you'll quickly find that people regularly practice honesty and openness. See any Field Bio Download Field F E E L D on the App.

[Cole Escola]

Store or Google Play PK I'm Jason Alexander.

[Jason Alexander]

And I'm Peter Tilden, and together our mission on the really no really Podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions, like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure? And does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win 500 a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition sign. Jason Bobblehead the Really Noely Podcast Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Peter Tilden]

We want to speak out and we want this to stop.

[Cole Escola]

Wow. Very powerful.

[Peter Tilden]

I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. Industry.

[Matt Rogers]

I really wanted to be a Playboy model.

[Peter Tilden]

He was like, I'll take you to the top. I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From Novel. Listen to the bunny trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.