"Animal Style" (w/ Caleb Hearon)

Summary

Las Culturistas: “Animal Style” (with Caleb Hearon)

Podcast: Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers & Bowen Yang
Episode: "Animal Style" (w/ Caleb Hearon)
Date: April 8, 2026
Network: Big Money Players Network & iHeartPodcasts
Special Guest: Caleb Hearon

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Episode Overview

In this laugh-filled, sharp, and disarmingly honest episode, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang welcome comedian Caleb Hearon for a sprawling, deeply “animal style” conversation. The trio discuss nail-biting, bodily shame, “white guys who love Asian culture,” monogamy vs. open relationships in the queer community, the nuances of queer subculture language, privilege, community, political malaise, pop culture touchstones, and iconic women in entertainment – all laced with signature wit, digressions, and vulnerability.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Opening Vibes and Nail Discourse

• [02:21] Nails, Pedicures, and Compulsions
  • Conversation opens with the trio bonding over their nail habits and rituals.
  • Matt and Bowen admit to nail-biting; Caleb recounts his own journey kicking the habit at the start of COVID, only to relapse recently.
  • Quote: “So I go like my nails become like pica… I peel layer by layer of keratin.” – Matt Rogers [02:34]
  • Discussion turns to childhood behaviors—Bowen admits he used to put his toenails in his mouth as a kid.
    • “Was the fetish born or killed in that moment?” – Matt [03:31]
    • “Killed, because... it was like I had been doing drugs or something. This has to stop.” – Bowen [03:34]

Zoom Podcasts and Platonic Friendships

• [05:43] On Zoom Podcasting and Platonic Intimacy
  • Caleb explains his resistance to Zoom podcasting—he can’t connect or “be charming” through a screen.
  • Moving to if Matt and Bowen ever had a romantic/sexual moment:
    • “No, it’s like siblings.” – Matt [07:34]
    • Bowen reflects on the need for authentic platonic gay friendship on screen:
      “With you guys in a show that’s about two gay guys, if they don’t kiss, you kinda have to say why… Well, the why is like, platonic friendship… Is it more interesting to explore it because of that?” [08:15]

Bodily Honesty and Shame

• [12:02] Embracing Bodily Realness
  • Deep (and comic) honesty about picking noses and earwax:
    • “If anyone were to witness me digging in my nostrils for shit, I would be dead.” – Matt [12:08]
    • Caleb recounts earwax falling out unexpectedly and feeling shame, seeks community:
      • “Sometimes a little chunk falls out, and I'm like, I have to get up on the cross for all of us.” – Caleb [13:51]
  • Group affirms that bodily grossness is universal:
    • “You’d be crazy, ridiculous fools to say we haven’t dug in there and found something crazy style, animal style.” – Bowen [13:05]

Queer Community, Subculture Jargon & Boundaries

• [16:13] “Bio dogs”, Pup Play, & Insider Language
  • Matt shares learning the term “bio dog” from the pup play community, sparking reflection on subcultural language, its evolution, and how much should be shared with straight/conservative audiences.
    • “Every once in a while, a piece of information about our community makes its way to my doorstep that asks me, how progressive are you?” – Caleb [17:53]
    • “There are things we do and say and know that were only meant for us... Once it breaks containment... sometimes straight people learn about a thing... baby, you were never supposed to know about that.” – Caleb [18:39]
  • Conversation detours into distinctions between straight and queer micro-communities, cheating norms, and vacation as a possibility space.

Vacation Modes and Cultural Experiences

• [29:12] Vacation Types, White Guys & Asian Culture
  • Jokes about “itinerary vacationers” vs. "cheater" vacationers.
  • Matt and Bowen reflect on the “white man obsessed with Asian culture” trope, with affection and self-awareness.
    • “A lot of white guys who go down the path of being obsessed with Asia... most have never been.” – Caleb [29:50]
    • “Are you wearing kimonos yet? Because that’s where it usually ends up.” – Caleb [29:14]
  • Bowen describes his recent “Big Asian Year” and the healing power of ocean water in Phuket.
    • “Ocean water heals.” – Bowen [31:27]

Culture War Fatigue & the Nature of Discourse

• [35:56] On Social Media Backlash
  • Caleb and Bowen express exhaustion with perpetual internet outrage, with flashpoints like Timothée Chalamet and Chappell Roan.
    • “They have a particular problem with Chappell…it’s so funny. Every Chappell discourse… the whole internet will be like, you stupid, ungrateful bitch.” – Caleb [36:33]
    • “Because you want to know what else? It's so boring. Like, all of these things are just so boring.” – Bowen [37:12]
  • Reflections on being from Missouri and how “rural” celebrities experience fame.
    • “I really feel for Chappell. That's a fucking crazy experience… I wish people would give her a break. That being said… the memes about it are very funny.” – Caleb [37:28]

Podcasts, Hustle, and Authenticity

• [34:53] Behind the Scenes of Podcast Life
  • The trio discusses the logistics, stresses, and authenticity of keeping up with podcasting as careers take off.
  • Strategies for “banking” episodes and the difference between single-host and duo-host formats.

Relationships, Monogamy, & Queer Reality

• [41:50] Relationship Models, Jealousy, Grindr
  • Extended discussion on the fit (or lack thereof) between various relationship structures and queer men’s lives.
    • “My straight guy buddies love to tell me, ‘the way you guys can just get a blowjob on command’... Absolutely not true.” – Caleb [40:51]
    • “We're just so out loud... about our mental illness and about, like, what's breaking us down... Straits are so, like, repressed... They end up doing duplicitous, mean, nasty things to the people they love most.” – Bowen [41:20]
  • Amusing, relatable anecdotes about getting banned on Grindr for “impersonating” themselves due to people not believing it’s really them.
    • “I'm in Oklahoma City. I'm as horny as I've ever been. And I've once again been banned from Grindr for impersonating Caleb Heron.” – Caleb [44:46]

The State of the World: Mourning the Future & Community

• [59:16] Grief for the Future / Rekindling Community
  • The trio get more earnest, questioning what they want from life and why it feels harder now to picture a future:
    • “I think we are mourning the future in advance.” – Matt [60:57]
  • Caleb recommends the documentary Join or Die about the decline of social clubs and civic participation.
    • “He did research on, like, what makes rich community… association with groups has gone down as mistrust in government rises.” – Caleb [62:16]
  • They reflect on the importance of small-scale activism and the challenge of motivating political action without mass relocation.

Political Malaise and Center-Left Frustration

• [68:04] The Democratic Party and the Limits of Centrism
  • Discussion of Democratic strategy, the gap between progressive ballot measures and centrist candidates, and the lack of truly leftist voices.
    • “The way you should treat us [Missouri celebs]... Just be normal. Give us a break. But it is a fucking crazy experience.” – Caleb [37:32]
    • “What I really want is for Democrats to start being who Republicans say they are… Chuck Schumer... he's not on estrogen, he's not sucking dick, he's not doing anything for working people.” – Caleb [67:08]

The Iconic “Culture That Made Me” Segment

• [70:38] Cultural Gateways: The Chicks and Country Feminism
  • Caleb’s answer to “what was the culture that made you say culture was for you?” is the album Wide Open Spaces by The (Dixie) Chicks.
    • “That album has everything... heartbreak… killing a man who cheated [abused] you… fiddle... It is one of the greatest pieces of art we've ever seen in this country.” – Caleb [71:06]
  • He also highlights the formative power of country music for rural women and himself.
    • “I never saw the women in my life so alive as when they were listening to The Chicks and Shania Twain.” – Caleb [73:32]

Honoring Monique: Comedy, Fatness, Representation

• [78:15] Queen of Comedy
  • Caleb passionately praises Monique’s Queens of Comedy set and her pioneering role in fat pride:
    • “She was genuinely the first time... I had never seen a fat person own a room like that. I was like, maybe I don’t have to hate myself.” – Caleb [79:29]
  • Bowen recalls Monique’s openness about homophobia and her evolution.

Pop Culture, Iconic Women, Movies & Humor

• [84:09] Film Icons: Sandra Bullock, Anne Hathaway, and More
  • A round of appreciation for Sandra Bullock, Anne Hathaway (Brokeback Mountain, Rachel Getting Married, Les Mis), and related iconic moments.
  • Caleb details working with Anne Hathaway on Devil Wears Prada 2, describing her as “warmest, loveliest, most energetic.”
    • “If Anne Hathaway can show up on time, be kind to everyone… know her lines and kill the performance… you can do it too.” – Caleb [93:34]

Cosmic Perspective & Bodily Anxiety

• [95:03] Existential Dread & Dinosaur Documentaries
  • Caleb describes the existential horror of learning a Netflix dinosaur doc claims it once rained for a million years.
    • “The idea that it rained for a million years is so crazy. What do you mean by that?!” – Caleb [96:24]

Reality TV Recommendations & “Gay Powers”

• [99:18] Reality TV and Queer Superpowers
  • Bowen recommends Netflix’s Age of Attraction for a high-drama, age-reveal dating twist.
  • They joke about the special “gay powers” developed through Grindr (e.g., telling ages by torso).
    • “If I just see a torso, I'm like, 43.” – Caleb [102:52]

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Memorable Quotes & Moments (With Timestamps)

• “Was the fetish born or killed in that moment?” — Matt [03:31]
• “If anyone were to witness me digging in my nostrils for shit, I would be dead.” — Matt [12:08]
• “Every once in a while, a piece of information about our community makes its way to my doorstep that asks me, how progressive are you?” — Caleb [17:53]
• “The Straits are so repressed… They end up doing duplicitous, mean, nasty things to the people they love the most.” — Bowen [41:20]
• “I'm in Oklahoma City... And I've once again been banned from Grindr for impersonating Caleb Heron.” — Caleb [44:46]
• “I think we are mourning the future in advance.” — Matt [60:57]
• “That album has everything… heartbreak… fiddle… It is one of the greatest pieces of art we've ever seen.” — Caleb on Wide Open Spaces [71:06]
• “She was genuinely the first time... I had never seen a fat person own a room like that. Maybe I don’t have to hate myself.” — Caleb on Monique [79:29]
• “If Anne Hathaway can show up on time, be kind to everyone… you can do it too.” — Caleb [93:34]
• “The idea that it rained for a million years is so crazy. What do you mean by that?!” — Caleb [96:24]
• “If I just see a torso, I'm like, 43.” — Caleb [102:52]

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"I Don't Think So, Honey" Segment Highlights

[110:00–117:06]

• Bowen: People asking ‘Did I come up in therapy?’
  • “My therapy is my therapy. Your therapy should be your therapy.” [111:06]
• Matt: Q-Tips and forbidden uses
  • “You are never going to win, big cotton. I’m so sorry. The bell has been rung.” [112:57]
• Caleb: “Innovation where innovation is not needed”
  • “No more new car handles. No more artisanal sodas. BlackBerry should have been where we stopped with phones!” [115:00]

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Theme & Tone

Theme:
A candid, meandering, and playful examination of queer culture, bodily experience, generational malaise, and the formative powers of pop culture—all animated by a deep trust, warmth, and willingness to be vulnerable.

Tone:
Witty, personal, self-aware, comic, but with patches of earnestness and reflection.

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Timestamps for Noteworthy Segments

• [02:21] – Nail biting confessions and childhood stories
• [05:43] – Zoom podcasting struggles and the platonic-sibling dynamic
• [12:02] – Vulnerability around bodily “grossness”
• [16:13] – Pup play, “bio dogs,” and queer subculture language
• [29:12] – Vacation identities and “white guys into Asian culture”
• [35:56] – Social media outrage and Missouri celebrities
• [41:50] – Relationship structures and Grindr bans
• [59:16] – Life goals and mourning the future
• [62:14] – Documentary Join or Die and loss of community
• [68:04] – Frustration with Democratic politics and centrism
• [70:38] – “Culture that made you” – The Chicks’ Wide Open Spaces
• [78:15] – Monique and fat pride in comedy
• [84:09] – Film icons and working with Anne Hathaway
• [95:03] – Existential anxiety via dinosaur documentary
• [99:18] – Reality TV, Age of Attraction, and “gay powers”
• [110:00] – "I Don't Think So, Honey" rapid-fire rants

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Closing

The episode wraps with gratitude for Caleb, mutual admiration, and a “Wide Open Spaces” sing-along, encouraging listeners to check out The Chicks’ iconic album.

Final words:
“God, I love those ladies… It really is what the American project was all leading to.” – Caleb [71:28]

“We love you. We end every episode with a song… For more of that, listen to the album and song Wide Open Spaces by The Chicks.” – Matt [120:00–120:27]

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For Further Listening/Watching

• Watch Join or Die (Netflix)
• Seek out Monique’s Queens of Comedy set and her women’s prison standup
• Revisit Wide Open Spaces by The Chicks
• Watch or re-watch Miss Congeniality, Rachel Getting Married, Brokeback Mountain, and Les Misérables for iconic Anne Hathaway & Sandra Bullock performances
• Check out Age of Attraction (Netflix reality)

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Summary prepared in the spirit and tone of Las Culturistas: warm, vulnerable, hilarious, and curious about culture at every messy, beautiful angle.

Transcript

[Matt Rogers]

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[Bowen Yang]

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[Bowen Yang]

Huge thanks again to our sponsor, Vital Proteins.

[Matt Rogers]

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[Bowen Yang]

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[Matt Rogers]

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[Bowen Yang]

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[Matt Rogers]

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[Bowen Yang]

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[Caleb Heron]

Wow.

[Matt Rogers]

Is that culture? Yes.

[Caleb Heron]

Yes.

[Bowen Yang]

Wow.

[Matt Rogers]

Las Culturistas.

[Bowen Yang]

Ding dong. Las culturistas calling. We're talking nails on both the hands and feet. We're talking pedicures, manicures, feet, nails. How we like to get them.

[Matt Rogers]

Feet, nails. Yep.

[Bowen Yang]

The hangups that go into scheduling them.

[Matt Rogers]

So I go like my nails become like pica. Is that what it is? Just it starts to flake. I peel layer by layer of keratin.

[Bowen Yang]

So I guess what we're all saying is we're nail biters here. Community.

[Matt Rogers]

I've since been reformed. I've since reformed.

[Bowen Yang]

They look amazing.

[Matt Rogers]

I have to say, nah, I don't know about that.

[Bowen Yang]

They look great, and that's that. You have such nice jewelry. You want people to notice it clearly. So when everyone looks at your fingers, it's like, they better be together, those little cutes.

[Matt Rogers]

Sure, sure. But you are. You're chronic with it. You are a chronic mantillator.

[Bowen Yang]

That is how my anxiety manifests.

[Caleb Heron]

That's right.

[Bowen Yang]

You know, when I was a little boy, I was flexible enough to put my toe in my toenail in my mouth. And then my mother saw me, saw me doing it one time. I was like 7 or 8, and she was. She sat me down like I had, like, done something really wrong. And she was like, I want to talk to you about what it is you've been. Been doing.

[Matt Rogers]

Was the fetish born or killed in that moment?

[Bowen Yang]

I guess killed because she. It was like. It was really serious. It was like, I really want to talk to you about your behavior. It's like I had been doing drugs or something like. This has to stop. You have to stop putting your foot in your mouth and biting off the toe now. Don't worry. I don't do it anymore. Only because I can't get it up there.

[Matt Rogers]

We were talking to our guests. I bet you could. All right.

[Bowen Yang]

Podcasts are a visual medium. Cannot put his own foot in his mouth. This is what.

[Matt Rogers]

It's all he can. We're. Our guest is. The habit is returning, as he's saying, because he's dealing with a stressful sort of.

[Bowen Yang]

He's in a stressful situation where nails get bitten.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, I'm not. Oh, my God. Oh, he's wearing Uggs and a matching guy.

[Caleb Heron]

Am I supposed to be talking?

[Bowen Yang]

No, hold on one second.

[Matt Rogers]

Hold on one second.

[Bowen Yang]

Talk in 15 seconds. Our guest is wearing Uggs. And that's not all. He's contributing to the culture.

[Matt Rogers]

So true.

[Bowen Yang]

So true. You already know it.

[Matt Rogers]

You know it. You love it.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

It is the current sort of current fucking raining. The current fucking raining.

[Bowen Yang]

Model comedian on HBO Max, which I did have to double ch. Is back to being HBO Max. Just going forward. We all know it's back to HBO Max. It's. It's not hbo. It's not Max. Or it is hbo, but then it's not Max. It's HBO Max.

[Matt Rogers]

Valerie Cherishes HBO Max. Quite. And he's in this movie that is coming out soon called the devil wears Prada 2. 2. There's the squeak.

[Bowen Yang]

That actually is the Shequel. If there's any sequel that's a Shell. It's Devil Wears Prada, too.

[Matt Rogers]

Absolutely. You're in the Shequel. How's that feel? Okay, let's bring him in. This is our good friend, everybody.

[Bowen Yang]

Please welcome Kayla Barron. Do you know that our listeners have been begging for all they want to hear is you, not us.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, you guys refuse to have me on.

[Bowen Yang]

That's not really sad.

[Matt Rogers]

See, this is. And this was a bit on your podcast. Dude, should we. Let's unpack this bit. I think you.

[Bowen Yang]

I think you.

[Matt Rogers]

You were talking with someone about.

[Caleb Heron]

Did I do a bit about me not coming along?

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, like, we never invited you.

[Caleb Heron]

Oh, that's really funny. I mean, you guys have been avoiding me like the plague. What is it?

[Bowen Yang]

I don't feel this is true. I honestly, I feel that what it was, was there was an era where we were kind of doing guests, not like on the Zoom. And I was like, this has to be an in person thing.

[Caleb Heron]

I don't do. I really. Well, I. I hate the Zoom podcast.

[Matt Rogers]

You've done it right? The whole time.

[Caleb Heron]

I won't do it. I won't do it for mine. It scares me. Do you guys. Did you. Because I hate it. I feel like I'm not being charming. I feel like I'm doing a really bad job. I just can't connect.

[Bowen Yang]

Right.

[Matt Rogers]

Based on the example, the cases. The cases that you've. The data points that you've collected thus far, which is what, like, a handful

[Caleb Heron]

of times when I did them. Because when we did, when I had my show keeping records with Shelby Wolstein back, back in the day, back forever ago, I. We would do Zoom episodes. Well, we really did Zoom episodes because both of our dads died unexpectedly, so we had to be in different parts of the country. So honestly, maybe it was like profound grief that.

[Matt Rogers]

Yes.

[Caleb Heron]

Maybe it was like us both being psychotic grief.

[Matt Rogers]

That was really.

[Caleb Heron]

But I really. I do not feel that I did a good job on the Zoom episodes.

[Bowen Yang]

I just hate.

[Matt Rogers]

Because you were psychotically grieving.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah. Psychotic grief. And also the lag.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, yeah, it's the lag I hate.

[Bowen Yang]

Like, because also with the Zoom of it all, it's especially like during the pandemic, when we started, it was like, okay, here's like, a pretty big guest that we've booked. But of course, they're never going to see us in person at that time. So they got on Zoom. And having a lag with, like, someone that you're trying to, like, you know, impress or that you respect.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, you can't have a lag with Cameron Diaz.

[Bowen Yang]

No, you can't have a lag with Cameron.

[Caleb Heron]

No, you can't do it. Can I ask you guys a question? Yeah, go. I've never gotten to ask you is this. And I am curious about it, and it's obviously okay if you don't want to talk and we can cut.

[Bowen Yang]

No, this is wrong.

[Matt Rogers]

We're not cutting.

[Caleb Heron]

Have you. Look, I'm just going to ask.

[Bowen Yang]

Go. Okay.

[Matt Rogers]

Don't be afraid.

[Caleb Heron]

You guys are so cute together. Was there ever a moment.

[Bowen Yang]

Was there ever a moment that we romantically, sexually and more or considered even?

[Caleb Heron]

Was there ever a moment?

[Matt Rogers]

No, it's. It would be like siblings.

[Caleb Heron]

Totally. Totally.

[Matt Rogers]

You know what? You know that feeling?

[Caleb Heron]

Totally.

[Matt Rogers]

It's like if you and Shelby were to.

[Caleb Heron]

It's a little different, right?

[Matt Rogers]

As siblings in grief.

[Caleb Heron]

A little different. Okay. I was just checking because I just

[Bowen Yang]

wondered, of course, in, like, a way where it's like, any two gay guys. You know what I mean? It's sort of like any two gay guys are like, huh. It's like, of course it runs through your mind, but then quickly relationship becomes what it is. But I do think it's that thing of, like. So we're working on something together, and I was talking to one of our collaborators on it, and it floated through my mind, like, huh? Should our characters have, like, a thing that they attend?

[Caleb Heron]

Hello.

[Bowen Yang]

And then our friend was like, well, the thing is, like, with you guys in a show that's about two gay guys, it's like, if they don't kiss, you kind of have to say why. And I was, like, thinking about what the why was, and I'm like, oh, the why is like, platonic friendship. But then once you get on that track, it's like, what? Well, is it more interesting to explore it because of that? Is that the surprising thing? So what I'm saying is, Bowen, there's something I've wanted to tell you for years. Just kidding. Can you imagine?

[Caleb Heron]

That would be so awesome. If you guys have any big reveals that you've been waiting to do and you wanted to do it in the episode where I'm here. I would really love that.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh, this is gonna do numbers no matter what. We don't need to do a big reveal. We're gonna save that for, like, a clunker.

[Bowen Yang]

Imagine we needed, like, a sweeps episode of the podcast. It was like, it's like Matt and Bone getting engaged on La Scotterist. This is like, when there's, like, loose in Wisteria Lane.

[Caleb Heron]

I would love that. I would love to be part of that.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah. We can officiate when it happens.

[Caleb Heron]

You guys should. For a stunt. You guys should get married for a stunt.

[Matt Rogers]

Absolutely. People have done it. Wait, what's your. Now can you tell everybody what your nail journey is?

[Caleb Heron]

Oh, my nail journey. Yes, of course. I'm so sorry. I will get off track a lot during this. My. My nail journey. Is that okay? So I kicked during COVID I kicked two habits. Well, around Covid.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Nail biting. I was a horrific nail biter. Would bite shit down to the nubs. Bleeding, bleeding. Crazy stuff.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

We're talking doing that and then we're talking.

[Bowen Yang]

It's giving nub.

[Caleb Heron]

And then my fear of death. I really got over hypochondria. Hypochondria. Fear of death was wrapped up in one thing. Really kicked that.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

I was like, that's probably just going to happen to me someday. I made peace with my body. I'm not certain, but it feels like it.

[Matt Rogers]

Probably.

[Caleb Heron]

So I kicked those. But yeah, I'm back. Just like last week, I started picking at my nails again. And it's crazy.

[Matt Rogers]

How did you kick it to begin with?

[Caleb Heron]

Picking and biting?

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, yeah. Picking and biting.

[Bowen Yang]

I just stopped. Whoa. Cold turkey.

[Caleb Heron]

I just stopped. I was like, no more. I had to be really mean to myself for a minute. But then I was able to be sweet to myself, but I had to be mean at first. Every time I would pick up the finger, I'd be like, caleb, Daniel. Yeah, Caleb, Daniel, put it away.

[Bowen Yang]

Because here's the thing. They are filthy.

[Caleb Heron]

They shouldn't be in there.

[Bowen Yang]

No, they shouldn't be in there. And I'll tell you what I don't love is the. The sort of casual way a mother will just watch her toddler pick something off the ground and put it in their mouth. I guess at a certain point you're exhausted. Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Because as a mother, I guess that's what it is.

[Caleb Heron]

Don't the babies need it because they need the germs.

[Matt Rogers]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, you don't want them to have no germs. Right, right.

[Bowen Yang]

Certainly. It's not a judgment. All the moms out there. It's just. It shocks me when I see something on the ground that then goes in the baby's mouth. Yeah, totally. But I'm a nail biter lifelong.

[Caleb Heron]

How often are you guys eating something off the floor? So let's get into it.

[Matt Rogers]

I ate my Luxapur off the floor the other day.

[Caleb Heron]

Which one is that?

[Bowen Yang]

What is that one?

[Matt Rogers]

It's glamour. That's Escitalopram. That's ssri. So it just fell on the bathroom floor. Terrible place to fall.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

And I. And yet you ate it off the bathroom. And I feel. And every time I. Every time I take something off the floor. Five second rule. I'm like, well, didn't they do a Mythbusters on how that is absolute garbage? Like, it's not real. Like, the five second rule is, like, it's dirty. Put that away on your bathroom floor, Bowen.

[Bowen Yang]

It's really bad at Bowen's house because he's constantly missing the toilet bowl.

[Caleb Heron]

Bowen.

[Bowen Yang]

It's like a hose.

[Caleb Heron]

Wait, what?

[Bowen Yang]

It's like. It's like in those crazy movies where, like, not you opening. You know, when.

[Caleb Heron]

Like a fireman.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, that's like Bowen in the bathroom because it was a big old anaconda. Don't. Sorry. Oh, my God.

[Caleb Heron]

What zone of the bathroom floor did it fall on?

[Matt Rogers]

Pretty close to the bowl. Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Really, Bowen?

[Matt Rogers]

Pretty close.

[Caleb Heron]

Oh, my gosh. This actually is deeply good for me to hear, because that's the kind of thing I would do but be ashamed to talk about. And you're standing in bravery right now in a way that actually will move many in the community.

[Matt Rogers]

Can I really get vulnerable here? I feel good with everybody in the room.

[Caleb Heron]

Okay.

[Matt Rogers]

Just. If anyone were to witness me digging in my nostrils for shit, I. I would be dead. I would. I would move planets. I would go away. I would leave this earth.

[Bowen Yang]

I don't even have a lot of shame about it. I'm in my nose.

[Caleb Heron]

Can I tell you something? Can I take it a step further, please, and be vulnerable? I feel comfortable with everyone but one person in this room. Yeah. And I'm not gonna say who. No, I'm kidding.

[Bowen Yang]

And you brought them here? Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. It's Michelle. It's my assistant. She's. She's doing elder abuse to me. No, I'm in my nose, obviously. Crazy style.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

And not only would I be embarrassed for someone to see me in the nose, I'd be embarrassed for them to see what I sometimes find.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Because let me tell you. Can I just tell you something?

[Bowen Yang]

You're in your nose crazy style, and what's in there is animal style.

[Caleb Heron]

Do you ever feel your nose like this and be like, oh, there's something really in there?

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

And then you get in there, and what you pull out is, like, pretty long and hard.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Can I say that? Has that happened to anyone?

[Matt Rogers]

Absolutely.

[Bowen Yang]

I think we all have a nose. And we'd all be crazy, ridiculous fools to say we haven't dug in there and found something crazy style, animal style.

[Caleb Heron]

You ever just sit. You ever just sit in somewhere and you feel something. You feel something hit your shirt and you realize.

[Matt Rogers]

You realize it's.

[Caleb Heron]

You realize a little bit of ear wax is falling out of your ear.

[Matt Rogers]

I've never had that happen between.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, it's really gross. A bunch of people just shook their head no, so obviously I'm pretty suicidal. Shook his head no, so violently that it was borderline judgmental. Hurt so bad. That sucked. People in the comments say, if you've had earwax fallout and you felt the weight of it hit your shirt, I'm

[Bowen Yang]

here to negotiate you off the ledge. Because I, too, deal with ear stuff.

[Caleb Heron]

It happens.

[Bowen Yang]

Like, you ever take your AirPods out?

[Matt Rogers]

Oh, that's like.

[Bowen Yang]

It's like, oh, that's covered in the stuff.

[Caleb Heron]

That was like, the glamorous girl version of what I was talking about. If people were being really honest with themselves. Sometimes a little chunk falls out, and I'm like, I have to get up on the cross for all of us. But, like, yours was so normal, and you should never be ashamed of that.

[Bowen Yang]

And also, to be fair, like, you do shove those AirPods in there.

[Matt Rogers]

You shove them in. But I want to know more about earwax if you're willing to share.

[Caleb Heron]

Totally. So there have been a couple of times in my life, it's not zero. It's probably not north of 20. It's probably somewhere in the zero to 20 range. I would say, plus, definitely north of five, south of 20.

[Matt Rogers]

Okay.

[Caleb Heron]

I have been sitting somewhere. I have felt a mass leave my ear.

[Matt Rogers]

It's while you're sitting down, usually.

[Caleb Heron]

Totally. There's been some sort of shift, movement, ruffle shuffle.

[Matt Rogers]

Yep.

[Caleb Heron]

I feel a mass of something with weight heft leave my ear and fall on my person. I feel the weight of it hit my body, not unlike a punch landing on my body, and lo and behold, I look down and yes, it's a little glob of earwax.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

All that to say I want to ground everybody in the fact that I am human and I have a body that produces things like earwax.

[Matt Rogers]

I'm not here to. Please believe me when I say this, I am jealous. Do you mean that my earwax gets logged? Gets logged. It doesn't clump. I wish it clumped. And I'm sorry, is that an okay word to say, clumped?

[Bowen Yang]

Clumped.

[Matt Rogers]

I wish it clumped. I wish I had nuggets of earwax I have a disgusting thin film that stays there and will sediment into its own layer, fuse with my skin and the rest of my dermis for the rest of my life.

[Bowen Yang]

I was not going to say, I think I'd rather be like Caleb and having it fall out. Because at least then there's the relief of knowing that that said mass is no longer in your body. Then go through what I know my sister goes through, which is to have sort of blockage, because that becomes ear infection. And that's the worst thing that could ever happen to a human.

[Caleb Heron]

Her having no ability to defend herself or step in and just you being like, she has blockage and she's in trouble.

[Matt Rogers]

Talking about me?

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. Oh, wait, no. I thought you meant your actual sister.

[Bowen Yang]

No, no, no, no. My sister to my right.

[Caleb Heron]

I thought you were bringing up a biological sister who was nowhere in the room. And I was like, that's insane. And I'm completely addicted.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah. I mean, I would then call her my bio sister. You're my sister. She's my bio sister.

[Caleb Heron]

It's making it seem really fucked up when I ask.

[Matt Rogers]

Speaking of bio, which I thought was a term that we, like, didn't really. This is, like, a prefix that we don't really use anymore. Bio, apparently, people. So I was out yesterday with my friend Ian, and we were at this place, and then these two pups come in. Two guys. And, like, it was, like, a little fun, like, daytime sort of, like, party thing at, like, out of space. Two pups come in. Guys. Guys in their pup outfits.

[Caleb Heron]

How pupped are they? Just the head or are they doing the whole thing?

[Matt Rogers]

Head and torso, totally all, like, belt, all puffed up. All puffed up above the waist.

[Bowen Yang]

Puffed up from the waist up.

[Matt Rogers]

Popped up from the waist up.

[Bowen Yang]

Popped up from the waist up. Kind of gives, like, a dochi lyric.

[Matt Rogers]

Popped up. No way.

[Bowen Yang]

Actually, it is very, very alter ego, Dicky.

[Matt Rogers]

I know my girl, so. And I might be totally butchering this. Please. I hope this makes it to Threads and they have a lively, spirited debate about this.

[Caleb Heron]

They will, but I'm sorry I'm crying.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay, so I'm really crying. This is how I cry.

[Caleb Heron]

Sorry I'm crying when you've been crying.

[Matt Rogers]

So apparently people in the pup community call, like, canines bio dogs. And I'm not sure about that.

[Bowen Yang]

Bio dogs is so funny.

[Matt Rogers]

Cause you're just gonna have to, like. It just begs to have the terminology changed five years from now. Cause it's like what we used to call AFAB Queens. Bio Queens in drag, right? And now it's like, no, that's an AFAB queen. Great. Or that's just a drag queen. No need to, like, if you want to get tunnel, like, you know, funnel down and to drill down into like the. Oh, that's AFAB person dressing up in female drag. Great.

[Caleb Heron]

This is a piece of information there. Every once in a while, a piece of information about our community makes its way to my doorstep that asks me, how progressive are you? What are your values really?

[Bowen Yang]

How do you feel about Bio Dog?

[Matt Rogers]

Bio Dog.

[Caleb Heron]

This is a moment where I have to ask questions of myself. And I'm not. I don't have the answer.

[Matt Rogers]

No, we're not going to answer them here. And I again, might totally have butchered that. And I'm not gonna say who told me it was Ian. But I'm not gonna.

[Caleb Heron]

Ian did it.

[Matt Rogers]

Ian did it. But I'm with you. I'm like, wow, I don't know.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

And I don't want. Cause I feel like it's a dog. It's like a right wing dog whistle to be like, keep that shit in the bedroom. But I am like, but I don't know how much of that should, you know, cross the threshold.

[Caleb Heron]

It's a great question.

[Bowen Yang]

There are.

[Caleb Heron]

I do think there are things like, look, gay guys, I love us anyways. Questions about us in many ways always. There are things that we do and say and know that were only meant for us. I think, yeah, that once it breaks containment. I do fear that. I don't fear. I don't feel that straight people can fully understand what's going on with us sometimes. And so sometimes straight people learn about a thing. Particularly conservative people, they learn about, like a very niche gay thing. And I'm like, baby, you were never supposed to know about that. I'm so sorry.

[Bowen Yang]

And also it's like, I. Okay, I'm gonna go here because you went there. I'm gonna go here.

[Caleb Heron]

We're being vulnerable today.

[Bowen Yang]

I do believe there should be separation between the straight and gay communities because I don't need to mix with them. I find their morals really in the gutter. I think they're all cheating on each other. I think all straight people are liars. I've never met a straight woman that isn't cheating on her husband with someone she just met on vacation.

[Matt Rogers]

We're looking at the women you all cheated on.

[Bowen Yang]

I know you have all cheated on your partners on a vacation with your girl girlfriends. And that's why you want to go back to Antigua. That's the only reason why is people

[Caleb Heron]

are cheating people and they're lying. You guys, I. Okay. Friend of a friend. Wow, this is juicy. Go friend of a friend.

[Matt Rogers]

She.

[Caleb Heron]

Woman. Her husband mega, like, military asshole.

[Bowen Yang]

Bioman.

[Caleb Heron]

Bioman. Bioman. Mean, conservative, homophobic. All the bad things you can think of. This guy sucks. He's the worst. Oh, it was revealed to me recently at a Lunch, no less. Lunch is the best place to get God.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Caleb Heron]

Dinner. It starts to feel a little. It's like, oh, it's night. We're being kind of nefarious. Lunch is like we're walking in the

[Bowen Yang]

light of God and. Honey, it's lunch time.

[Caleb Heron]

Honey, it's lunch right now.

[Bowen Yang]

Honey, I think my lunch has been served.

[Caleb Heron]

What do you want? Wife cheating on military husband with. With a man 10 years younger than her. It's not age inappropriate, by the way. It's all good. They're like. They're all in their 30s, 40s. Cheating on a man 10 years younger. And a lot cheating a lot cheating. Regularly carrying on a very explicit affair, waiting until the kid leaves high school to leave him to be with the other man.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Planning to cheat.

[Caleb Heron]

Planning to cheat.

[Bowen Yang]

That's a whole other world of it.

[Matt Rogers]

Planning, cheat. But how long can she keep the plan under wraps?

[Caleb Heron]

Oh, I don't think he's very bright.

[Matt Rogers]

Okay.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, I think she could really do. And women are very cunning. They mostly use it for good.

[Bowen Yang]

Women are very cunning. They think they're very smart. On vacation, they cheat. And, you know, one time, I was actually. One time, this was recent. I was talking to a straight woman, and she was confiding. She felt she was confiding in, like, her gaze that she had cheated on her new husband, not new, with someone she met on vacation. And I'm listening to her, and it took everything in me to not be like, you know what I hope is happening? I hope your husband is cheating on you. Do you hope that if you are cheating on your husband gleefully and, like, getting away for it? Yeah, I hope he's cheating on you too.

[Matt Rogers]

That's mutual cheating.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah. I would hope that someone isn't just getting cucked up. Up from the cup, tucked up from the waist up, cupped up from the. Tucked up from the cup, from the waist up.

[Matt Rogers]

Would you. Would you could be an amazing rapper.

[Caleb Heron]

Oh, I have it within me. Certainly. I definitely have it within me. I. I think. But I was thinking just now, vacation is such. A. Vacation is really what you make of it.

[Bowen Yang]

100.

[Caleb Heron]

Vacation can be cheating. It can be relaxing, it can be museums.

[Bowen Yang]

It can be relaxing.

[Caleb Heron]

It can be so many things. Vacation.

[Bowen Yang]

It can be. Wait, that has your real coach number 15. It can be so many things. Vacation. It can be cheating. It can be relaxing.

[Matt Rogers]

It can be museum.

[Bowen Yang]

It can be museum. That's actually a really good one.

[Caleb Heron]

Those are, like, the three vacations, Cheating, relaxing, Museums.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, you can break them all down into, like, so many different activities.

[Matt Rogers]

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[Bowen Yang]

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[Matt Rogers]

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[Bowen Yang]

I mean, when we hit about age 30, our bodies naturally produce less collagen. And collagen has a lot of benefits. A lot. Collagen peptides are a simple wellness supplement that supports healthy hair, skin, nails, bones, and best of all, joints.

[Matt Rogers]

And it's easy to use. Add a serving to whatever you're already drinking. Morning coffee, afternoon tea, daily smoothie, weekly, whatever.

[Bowen Yang]

I use vital proteins collagen every morning. I just mix it into my coffee or a smoothie. It's super easy. And it's become a simple part of my daily routine.

[Matt Rogers]

But however you do it, consistency is the key. It's crazy how something so effective is so easy.

[Bowen Yang]

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[Matt Rogers]

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[Bowen Yang]

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[Matt Rogers]

I thought you said it was proven by science.

[Bowen Yang]

Never said that. I just said it was good. On ebay, every find has a story.

[Matt Rogers]

Like if you're looking for a vintage band tee, not just a T, the

[Bowen Yang]

band tee from the last show your favorite band ever played.

[Matt Rogers]

You wore it everywhere. Then your boyfriend started wearing it, which

[Bowen Yang]

was cute until he dumped you and

[Matt Rogers]

took it with him, which was not so cute.

[Bowen Yang]

But he was. I miss him. Anyway, now you're on ebay.

[Matt Rogers]

And there it is. Same tea from the same tour. Still living in your memory. Rent free forever.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, screw you, Dave.

[Matt Rogers]

The things you love have a way of finding their way back to you.

[Bowen Yang]

Except Dave.

[Matt Rogers]

But ebay isn't just forgetting whatever your ex/xbff stole back we miss you.

[Bowen Yang]

It's also for that rare championship foul ball that you caught, then heroically gave to the kid next to you. You're welcome. Scoot.

[Matt Rogers]

And where else are you going to find your first car? A RAV4 from 2003.

[Bowen Yang]

The one you wish you never sold but now finally got the chance to take back home.

[Matt Rogers]

I'm buying a car on ebay for good this time.

[Bowen Yang]

Shop ebay for millions of finds, each with a story. EBay things people love. That's a good tagline this time of year. Always makes me rethink what's in my closet. BO I'm trying to keep fewer things but better ones. Pieces that are well made and easier to wear all the time. That's why I keep coming back to Quints. The fabrics feel elegant, elevated, the fits are thoughtful, and the pricing actually makes sense.

[Matt Rogers]

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[Bowen Yang]

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[Matt Rogers]

The best part is that their prices are 50 to 60% less than similar brands. How Quints works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen so you're paying for quality, not brand markup. Everything is designed to last and makes getting dressed easy.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, you know, anything from Quint is great, but I gotta say, I do love a cashmere sweater. I just like the way it drapes on my body. What can I say, Quince? I love the way you feel. Also, shout out to the linen pants. Shout out linen pants.

[Matt Rogers]

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[Bowen Yang]

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[Matt Rogers]

Because a good night's sleep really sets you up for a good When I'm not sleeping well. I feel it immediately. I've had all the classic issues before waking up too hot, weird back pain feeling every single time someone else moves in the bed. If I'm lucky, motion transfer is real and it can ruin your night.

[Bowen Yang]

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[Matt Rogers]

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[Bowen Yang]

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[Matt Rogers]

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[Bowen Yang]

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[Caleb Heron]

Are you an itinerary vacationer or are you a cheater?

[Matt Rogers]

I'm a ch. Oh, that's the binary.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, I was experimenting.

[Matt Rogers]

It wasn't that I don't love an itinerary, even though the last trip I took friends on was very. Was mostly itinerary driven. But actually, no, there was moments of loose, unstructured time. Matt, pertinent to you and your story, Matt is a newly white guy who loves Asian culture.

[Bowen Yang]

I've been to Asia, like, pretty much more than America this year.

[Caleb Heron]

Are you wearing kimonos yet? Cause that's where it usually ends up. Do you have swords in the house?

[Bowen Yang]

Here's what I'll say. I learned how to dress myself in the hotel. Last hotel that we stayed in. And the outfit that they gave.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh, yes. Yes.

[Bowen Yang]

How would you describe that?

[Matt Rogers]

It was like a modern tatami, sort of like ryokan sort of thing.

[Bowen Yang]

Yes. And when I stepped out in the garbage and I saw myself in the mirror, I said, I belong here.

[Caleb Heron]

Wow.

[Bowen Yang]

And that's why I'm having. What I'm calling. I called it to you. My big Asian year.

[Matt Rogers]

Big Asian year.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

B A y.

[Caleb Heron]

It can be a very Asian year for you. And I think, yeah, a lot of white guys who go down the path of being obsessed with Asia. I'm obsessed with these guys. Most of them have never been. That's one part of the issue. It gets into samurai swords pretty quickly. It gets into kimonos pretty quickly.

[Bowen Yang]

It won't get there for you.

[Caleb Heron]

It usually gets into an ironic facial hair. And right now, your facial hair is looking very handsome and normal.

[Bowen Yang]

This is kind of where I stay.

[Matt Rogers]

Yes.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

I don't think I'll go somewhere crazy.

[Caleb Heron]

You guys both look great.

[Matt Rogers]

Thank you.

[Bowen Yang]

Likewise.

[Caleb Heron]

I have to say. Thank you very much.

[Bowen Yang]

And I was just admiring these frames.

[Caleb Heron]

Thank you very much.

[Bowen Yang]

Are these new frames or are these sort of signature frames?

[Caleb Heron]

I want to tell you, I've been wearing these for a decade plus.

[Matt Rogers]

Yes. These are the signature frames.

[Caleb Heron]

These are the frames.

[Bowen Yang]

These are the ones.

[Caleb Heron]

Thank you.

[Bowen Yang]

And it's seeing them in person that really is the high impact.

[Caleb Heron]

You guys are special. You guys are special guys.

[Bowen Yang]

What are you talking about?

[Caleb Heron]

You guys are special guys. I like seeing you on this little couch. I like being in the room with you.

[Bowen Yang]

Really See. And that's why we have to do it again.

[Caleb Heron]

I see you so often in my phone, but to see you. To see you.

[Bowen Yang]

We see you often in the phone.

[Caleb Heron]

This is nice.

[Bowen Yang]

This is really nice.

[Caleb Heron]

Can we just take a moment to Say, this is nice.

[Matt Rogers]

This is nice.

[Caleb Heron]

We need to go to dinner.

[Bowen Yang]

It's like a Jacuzzi being here.

[Matt Rogers]

Fly.

[Caleb Heron]

Hello, Hello. Hello.

[Bowen Yang]

Wake that up. I have to say that one thing about where I was just at, which is Phuket, right? You don't even need a hot tub.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

It feels like a bath wherever you go.

[Caleb Heron]

Is that true?

[Bowen Yang]

Humid? I guess. Well, I guess it would.

[Caleb Heron]

How do you mean? How do you mean?

[Bowen Yang]

I just. I guess. I guess I went there at the perfect time because. And I'll tell you something, and let me. Let me ask you this question. Is it possible that there's more salt in the water, in the seawater there?

[Caleb Heron]

Of course it's possible.

[Bowen Yang]

I felt so amazing. I literally. I realized. I realized that sea water really does heal.

[Caleb Heron]

Hmm.

[Bowen Yang]

Ocean water heals.

[Caleb Heron]

What happened to you over there? Do you guys feel me? Anyway, ocean water makes.

[Bowen Yang]

I had the most incredible vacation in Phuket and went in the ocean, and I literally left being like, okay, note to self. You have to go in the ocean.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. So this is the thing. Like, this is so well observed, by the way, this whole, like, white guy into Asian culture thing. Like, I've really thought about this ever since, like, just whenever you bring it up, because it's like, there's different. So many different ways to be white guy in Asian culture. You can do, like, the Hasan Piker thing where he goes to China, and now he's like, china maxed the gods.

[Bowen Yang]

He's not white, though.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh, sure, we'll take that out. But you know what I mean?

[Bowen Yang]

I think leave it in.

[Caleb Heron]

There are many different ways to do it.

[Bowen Yang]

Hasan, are you white or what?

[Matt Rogers]

Okay, can I say. We're saying white guy into Asian culture. But it is. It literally can apply to me. I go. I'm like one of these, like, weeby guys who, like, goes to Japan and loves it. I go to China and I love it. I go to, like. I have not been south of China crazily or north of Australia, north of 5. South Korea.

[Bowen Yang]

Well, you loved parts of China.

[Matt Rogers]

I loved parts of China. No, actually, this past summer, I was like, I see it all.

[Caleb Heron]

You see all of China?

[Matt Rogers]

Well, I not see it all, but I see the gamut of what this can be, and it's pretty crazy.

[Bowen Yang]

You described your experience at Disney Shanghai as not being great.

[Matt Rogers]

Cause the kids are shitting on the street, are shitting on the sidewalk.

[Caleb Heron]

The kids are shitting on the sidewalk.

[Matt Rogers]

Because that's Chinese culture. It's like, they're from the countryside where it's like you just. The kids are. The kids squat. There's a little pocket, there's a little like clip on thing at the butt and then they just, they just squat and they shit on the.

[Caleb Heron]

There's a clip on thing on the butt and they shit in the park.

[Matt Rogers]

It's a little square. The flap. There's a flap on the butt. Huh?

[Caleb Heron]

Oh, and they shit on the ground.

[Matt Rogers]

That's what I meant.

[Caleb Heron]

Yesterday I thought there was something receptacle to capture the poo, but it's just

[Matt Rogers]

going straight to the ground of the sort that's Chinese.

[Caleb Heron]

Not digging it. Hope that's okay to say. Not digging it.

[Matt Rogers]

No, no, there's nothing to dig. Oh no, there's no, there's no. Like you can clutch your pearls.

[Bowen Yang]

Meanwhile, in Phuket, you once any. Any person that you talk to there, any woman that you talk to there, sometimes they'll just come up and they'll go ka. And that means, that means like, thank you. I just love ka. I just, I love ka. So when, when you're like a feminine woman, you go ka and then the men go ka. Well, it's more clipped.

[Caleb Heron]

And there's a lot to be said about that, by the way, if we want to dig into it. When I'm abroad, people mostly say to me, move or get out of the way.

[Matt Rogers]

And do you?

[Caleb Heron]

I try my best, but those places are so small.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, that's the thing.

[Caleb Heron]

You go to another country, they're not used to seeing a guy like me. So they're very, very interested in me getting out of the way. And I share that interest with them. I don't want to be in the way. It's one of my least favorite things to be.

[Bowen Yang]

Who wants to be in the way?

[Caleb Heron]

Oh, I hate being in the way. Love attention.

[Matt Rogers]

Some people love being in the way.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, they're addicted to it. Some people don't know how to not be in the way.

[Bowen Yang]

There's being in the way and there's being on display. And I'll pick the latter. And that is my housewife's tagline.

[Caleb Heron]

Hello. Thank. Really, really beautiful and powerful.

[Bowen Yang]

Thank you. I didn't know I had that in me until just there.

[Caleb Heron]

I knew that you had it within you.

[Bowen Yang]

I guess I should have more self belief.

[Caleb Heron]

I knew that you had it within you the whole time. I never doubted it for a second. How long have you guys been doing this show?

[Matt Rogers]

10. We just did 10 celebrations.

[Bowen Yang]

This actually is. We're very much in the midst of our 10 years and also our 500th episode was. We were supposed to do like a big showcase episode for it. Like we were going to do the 500 best things in culture stupid list. And we've totally missed it. And now I don't think we can.

[Matt Rogers]

We're well over 500, literally. Who has the time to do a podcast?

[Caleb Heron]

I don't know. I certainly do, but I don't know how you guys.

[Matt Rogers]

No, no, no, no, you don't.

[Caleb Heron]

I'll say when you. When I have. There have been times that you guys have put out this podcast that I have said, surely someone's gonna step in soon. Like, you guys are so busy that I'm going, there's no way this is happening. Still it seems like it's so hard. I don't know how you guys do it with two people.

[Bowen Yang]

And you know what's funny? Like, we thought like, oh, Bowens left us. And now, now the podcast can like be something like that. Like we'll every week and it can always be topical. And it hasn't. It hasn't been able to be that.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, banking is the name of the game.

[Bowen Yang]

Banking is kind of has to be the name of the game.

[Matt Rogers]

Any tricks for you when you bank?

[Bowen Yang]

Like, don't talk about tips and tricks.

[Matt Rogers]

Don't talk about the KitKat robbery that just happened.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, people are always trying to bring up the Kit Kat robbery and I hate that now. Just like, just chit chatting. Like, I feel like I'm so lucky because it's just me and a guest and so it's just my schedule to mostly worry about. I mean, Nicole who engineers the show and Chance who produces it. Like there's two. But mostly I just get to ask questions. I just throw questions out and then I go. That was so interesting what you said.

[Bowen Yang]

I have found the last few like big discourses that have happened. I have had like, really, what seemed like really unpopular opinions. Like, for example, the Timothee Chalamet stuff with the ballet and the opera. I think people were being insane about that.

[Caleb Heron]

People were being completely insane because they're a little tired of him.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, that.

[Caleb Heron]

And that's not fair.

[Bowen Yang]

And that was really what it was about. The chapel roan of it all. I could not believe that we just took what this one person like put on their Instagram as total fact, as total bible and kicked her ass again on social media. Only for the security guard to come out and be like, guys, she never asked me to do that. I work at the hotel. I thought there was a problem, so I went over there she did nothing.

[Caleb Heron]

They have a particular problem with Chapel. It's so. To me, it's so funny, because every Chapel discourse is like. She will literally be like. She will be like, hey, guys, please just, like, don't chase me down the street. I'm going to dinner.

[Bowen Yang]

Right?

[Caleb Heron]

And then the whole Internet will be like, you stupid, ungrateful bitch.

[Bowen Yang]

How dare you?

[Caleb Heron]

You dumb, ungrateful bitch.

[Bowen Yang]

We are gonna take you down. Don't come to Rio. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

You're banned from the street.

[Bowen Yang]

You are disinvited from our great country.

[Caleb Heron]

It's really crazy. And also, Chapel is a Missouri girl, and I have to tell you, this was never supposed to happen to us.

[Matt Rogers]

No.

[Caleb Heron]

This poor girl. I'm like, this. It's just so. I'm like, give that girl a break. Give her a break.

[Bowen Yang]

I have been saying it the entire time, and I'm just like. Because you want to know what else? It's so boring. Like, all of these things are just so boring.

[Matt Rogers]

How should we treat Missouri celebrities? You, Chapel, Nikki Glaser, Jon Hamm.

[Caleb Heron]

You know, Nikki still lives in Missouri,

[Bowen Yang]

which I love about her. Yes, I love her.

[Matt Rogers]

I love that about her.

[Caleb Heron]

Nikki moved back to St. Louis. You know what the way you should treat us is? I think I get pretty lucky. Everyone's pretty nice to me. I think most. I mean, it's gotten a little weird recently, but most of the time, I think people are very like, hey, sorry. Love your stuff. And then they, like, run away. I love that. And I'm happy to take a picture or whatever, but I think just, like, what I mean by that is, like, I don't know. It would be pretty jarring. A lot of these people who get famous, like, they did have some kind of preparation. They had. They grew up with money or they went to, like, a big, fancy school, or they, like, they. They were around rich people at some point in their life. Like, when you really come from, like, rural ass Missouri, and this shit just happens to you, Totally cool. Awesome. Privileged life. Wouldn't trade it. But it is like, I really feel for Chapel. I'm like, that is a fucking crazy experience. It's a very, very different weird thing. And I'm just like, I wish people would give her a break. That being said, Chapel, love you, girl. Please tune out to this part. The memes about it are very funny. We can't escape the fact that the memes are fun.

[Bowen Yang]

Always good.

[Caleb Heron]

The memes are good.

[Matt Rogers]

The Zelda one is

[Bowen Yang]

the Zelda one.

[Matt Rogers]

It's like, it's. It's the Great Fairy from N60 from Ocarina of Time pulling Link's hair. Like, just found this. And she's like. She looks like Chapel. She's got, like, red hair and, like, all this, like, trellisy stuff in her. Yeah, and it's that that made me laugh.

[Caleb Heron]

The memes are really funny. You also bow. And every once in a while, you will pop up on my phone posting something that I have never heard about my. Like, you'll post, like, some kind of cartoon figure I've never seen in my life, and you'll be like, back at it with this bitch. And I'm like, I don't know what these little games are, but I want to come play with you. Yeah, I want to come play your little games. Please. I don't know them.

[Matt Rogers]

Come, come, come.

[Caleb Heron]

And I want to be involved. I feel like you have so many fun games.

[Matt Rogers]

I. This is. I'm really settling into this. This new life of just, like, I can. I maybe.

[Bowen Yang]

I just.

[Matt Rogers]

I just. I'm a little concierge for people.

[Bowen Yang]

Maybe you should get on Twitch.

[Matt Rogers]

That's Hassan's. That's Hasan's domain.

[Caleb Heron]

Leave it to Hasan. Leave it to Hasan to be on Twitch. To be talking about politics too much. Leave it to Hasan to be too much. Talking about gay guys too much. I said. I said this when I went on a show, he was talking so freely about gaming. I said, hasan, you better fuck a man or hush it up.

[Bowen Yang]

This is what I would agree, and I would say, absolutely first in line for that.

[Caleb Heron]

You want to fuck Hasan?

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, deeply.

[Caleb Heron]

Oh, my goodness.

[Bowen Yang]

And can I say, I think all these people like coming for Hasan. Want to fuck him too. Oh, sure.

[Caleb Heron]

He's handsome. I like him. I like. I like Hasan. I don't. I don't need to. No offense, brother. I don't need to fuck him. But I think if. I think if he.

[Bowen Yang]

I don't need to fuck him. I would just be first in line if there was an option. Like, if there's gonna be a sweet sweepstakes.

[Caleb Heron]

I think if he wants to keep talking to the Austin, the little gay guy on his podcast. If he wants to keep talking to Austin crazy about gay stuff, he needs to somebody.

[Bowen Yang]

Has he been talking crazy about gay stuff?

[Caleb Heron]

No, just like. Like, he'll be like. He'll be like. Like, when I went on his show, he was like. He was like, austin's a selfish top. And I was like, let's take a pause.

[Matt Rogers]

What do you think that means?

[Caleb Heron]

Let's take a Pause on that.

[Bowen Yang]

Let's take a pause on selfish. Really quick.

[Caleb Heron]

Let's take a pause. I want to talk to everyone about what we think that means.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay, wait.

[Matt Rogers]

Straight quote, unquote, guys. And this is again, Hazan. I believe men, totally. But like, straight guys are. They love to talk and bandy about our little terms and multiple men at snl. Well meaning, great guys would just randomly turn to me and be like, God,

[Bowen Yang]

gay guys really have it figured out.

[Matt Rogers]

You can fuck whoever you want.

[Caleb Heron]

They love this.

[Matt Rogers]

And I'm like, stop.

[Caleb Heron]

They love this.

[Matt Rogers]

That's not true.

[Caleb Heron]

Straight guys love to. We do not have it figured out. I don't know if you've noticed, it's not going well for many of us.

[Bowen Yang]

No. Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

No. Me personally, I'm chilling. But my straight guy buddies love to tell me nothing more than like, they'll just really. In a moment of, like, weird introspection, we'll just be at lunch or something and they'll be like, God, the way you guys can just get a blowjob on command. And I'm like, hey, not true. Hey, what's going on? Your wife is in the bathroom. What is going on? Like, it's really insane.

[Bowen Yang]

But do you know that's what I'm saying?

[Caleb Heron]

Hello.

[Bowen Yang]

Is. It's like. It's like whenever I feel like there's

[Matt Rogers]

why it's in the bathroom.

[Bowen Yang]

Cheating judgment towards our community, I'm like, here's the thing. We're just so out loud and proud and exuberant about our mental illness and about, like, what's breaking us down and has us broken as a community and individuals we're in. Yeah, but like, the Straits are so, like, repressed about how? About what Their bullshit that they end up doing duplicitous, mean, nasty things to the people they love the most. Like, they have not interrogated why they would make some of these choices because they haven't had shame.

[Caleb Heron]

Yes. Are you guys doing monogamy? Can I ask that? How's monogamy working right now? Are you open to that?

[Matt Rogers]

I'm not familiar.

[Bowen Yang]

Me and my boyfriend are. Distance. So it's like.

[Caleb Heron]

Where's he live?

[Bowen Yang]

London.

[Caleb Heron]

Oh.

[Bowen Yang]

But very abroad. Like, good God. So it's kind of like. It's kind of one of those things where it's just like, you know, you figure it out. You're. You're riding it out. It is. It is.

[Matt Rogers]

You know, it's never easy, monogamy for you.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, I don't know. This is what I'm thinking about. I Was in an open relationship most of last year, and I was always kind of making fun of open. And I was like, oh, I don't really want to do that, because I wasn't dating anyone.

[Bowen Yang]

Right.

[Caleb Heron]

And then it came down to date someone, and I was like, oh, God, maybe they really. They're onto something over there. I can't be carrying on multiple relationships. That's not for Caleb.

[Bowen Yang]

No, no, no.

[Caleb Heron]

Not that open. Was fun. I don't know. I. There's some. Look, I do get a little jealous. I'm not gonna lie to you.

[Matt Rogers]

Of manog.

[Bowen Yang]

Of other people.

[Caleb Heron]

No, I. I. In open. I will say, like, there are a lot of people that are open, that are like, I love when my man comes home and tells me about this hot guy that he. And I'm like, not me. I don't like it. It doesn't turn me on. I don't like it. I don't. I don't mind it, knowing that I'm gone as much as I am and whatever, but monogamy is coming up a lot lately, and I'm like, I don't know. I don't know what's going on.

[Bowen Yang]

Is it coming up a lot in my head?

[Caleb Heron]

Cause I'm like, I want a family. I want, like, a family.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, you do.

[Caleb Heron]

You do. Eventually, yeah. I want kids. Like, that's a big goal of mine in life. And so I'm like, what am I gonna be open with, Kit? Like, I'm gonna have, like, a kid and be like, going out to see,

[Bowen Yang]

like, people do it.

[Caleb Heron]

People do it.

[Bowen Yang]

I don't understand that, but people do do it.

[Caleb Heron]

I also. Yeah, every once in a while, of course, I get swept away with the idea that I'm gonna meet someone. Yeah, you get. I don't know. You guys ever get that idea that you're like, oh, my God, I'm gonna meet someone that makes it so easy and fun to just, like, lock in forever? Totally. Am I a total freak? Is that the craziest thing you've ever done?

[Matt Rogers]

No, no. What if, like, having kids is, like,

[Caleb Heron]

the glue that makes the open work?

[Matt Rogers]

That makes the open work or the monog work?

[Caleb Heron]

Well, this is a great question.

[Matt Rogers]

That locks you in. Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

What, and we'll never know. That's what I'm curious about. I don't know, but I'm just wondering about it all.

[Bowen Yang]

I feel like, also another thing is, like, I'm now 36, and. And I don't think I require or have the urges to be, like, thinking about being on the prowl in the way I was. Just monogamy in terms of energetically makes more sense because I'm like, yeah, that sounds a lot easier. And I don't have to deal with someone. You know what I mean? Like, nowadays it's kind of like. It's not like it was where I could just hop on a dick when I was 25, you know what I mean? I'm just like, okay, what's going on? Yeah, I've had lunch and dinner, but is someone knocking? Cause I'll answer.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Now it's like, okay, let me do the mental math here. Like, I don't know you guys.

[Matt Rogers]

On Grindr, I am on it again and I am about to shudder again. I'm just like, this is. There's nothing here. Yeah, truly.

[Bowen Yang]

Also because. Are you showing face on there?

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. I'm getting banned a lot. So am I. I get banned from. You know.

[Matt Rogers]

Yes.

[Caleb Heron]

I have to text.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, that's so funny.

[Caleb Heron]

Who works at Grindr? This poor sweet soul who has. Has no business getting these nasty vial texts from me. And I text him and I go, I'm in Oklahoma City. I'm as horny as I've ever been. And I've once again been banned from Grindr for impersonating Caleb Heron. Which can I say that of the gay guys to impersonate. I have to imagine that Caleb Heron is not high on the list on Grindr. I don't feel like that makes a ton of sense.

[Matt Rogers]

I say the same thing to the guys who are like, you're catfishing. I'm. I'm like a femme Asian.

[Caleb Heron]

Like, yeah, you guys hate fat people on here. You hate Asian people on here. Like, no, I wouldn't pick Caleb. You know, I wouldn't pick. Like, that doesn't make sense. No, we wouldn't catfish that way, right? I know who you catfish as when you do it. And it's never yourself, it's never me.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, it's Hudson Tahson. It's Hassan.

[Bowen Yang]

I got banned one time because I was in the Tampa area and they were like, we knew it couldn't be you. I was like, no, I'm just weird in here.

[Caleb Heron]

No, I just had to go to Tampa.

[Bowen Yang]

I actually just come to Tampa. It's like a thing about me. If you had just sent me a message, we could have gotten into it. I would have told you all about my part time Tampa life.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, I do have fun on Grindr. I am like regularly meeting people off of Grindr. I would say really but, like, I'm very specific about it and I'm very like. Yeah, I don't think. It's not how it was when I was like, 20.

[Matt Rogers]

I know.

[Caleb Heron]

It's really. When I was 20, I was like. Like, I was like, who. I'll do anything. I'm like, I was doing Anon when I was 20. What?

[Bowen Yang]

Wow.

[Caleb Heron]

I was meeting strangers without face pics when I was 20.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Can't be doing that anymore. That's.

[Matt Rogers]

That's Chicago 20s. You're in your 20s, you're doing anon.

[Bowen Yang]

Say that. Say that, Say that. I had, like. I had like a, like a really crazy six week period on Grindr where I was like. When I was in my, like, 26, 27, I had a six where I was seeing, like. I was seeing, like, I'll just say, like, four or five guys a week. Like, I was just like. I had discovered it and I was just like, I am on this. And it was like I was having, like a little sexual revolution in myself. I say it's a six week period because it had to end. I got syphilis.

[Caleb Heron]

Of course. Totally.

[Bowen Yang]

That's the bottleneck, the pirate sti.

[Caleb Heron]

That'll happen sometimes. Yeah. An STI that we truly should not even be saying if it's not in a pirate sex.

[Bowen Yang]

I thought. I thought it was a joke. I was like, yeah, syphilis.

[Caleb Heron]

Ha ha.

[Bowen Yang]

Sure. Yeah. It's just like. No one gets that. Got it.

[Caleb Heron]

Matt, I heard a story about you on the way over here today.

[Bowen Yang]

What's the story?

[Caleb Heron]

My assistant, Michelle.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

We were driving over here together. Shout out, Michelle, love you, girl.

[Bowen Yang]

Shout out.

[Caleb Heron]

So sorry about everything. I'm a nightmare to work for. She used to work at a restaurant in Brooklyn.

[Bowen Yang]

Huh.

[Caleb Heron]

And I have to confront you.

[Bowen Yang]

What's the rest? Oh, God. What?

[Caleb Heron]

She said that you came in and she said you were not very nice.

[Bowen Yang]

I wasn't nice?

[Caleb Heron]

No, I'm kidding. She said you were a total sweetheart. She was like, he's the love person on earth.

[Bowen Yang]

First of all, a. I am industry. And so I go in there and I'm like. I make sure that everyone knows that

[Matt Rogers]

he's been on the other side.

[Bowen Yang]

When I say I'm industry, I mean I'm restaurant industry for 10 years. But I was so shocked that I was possibly capable of that.

[Caleb Heron]

I know. Well, no, I'm totally capable. What? Restaurant dinner party.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yes.

[Caleb Heron]

Somebody's birthday. Yeah. Said you were lovely. And I just thought that was really sweet. I was really scared. Scared because when she said, I was like, oh, my gosh. Like, I. I love Matt. I hope this is a good story because I will say when I hear. When I hear, like, somebody be like, oh, Renee Zellweger came into my coffee shop. I feel bad that Renee got the poll. But, like, any celebrity, we only say

[Bowen Yang]

her because she's not lovely.

[Caleb Heron]

But it's like, they'll say some random celebrity, and they'll be like, they were. They were kind of rude to me. And I'm going, I don't really believe that or listen to that. Only because it's like, so many times I'll hear someone say that, and I'm like, it sounds like they were just, like, kind of in a rush and having a bad day. Like, they didn't like, like, dress you down in front of everyone or something. They were just like, ice vanilla latte, you know? And it's like, that's not mean. That's just being a person who has 20 things to do. So I wondered. And then it was that you were.

[Bowen Yang]

I'm happy that that ended the way it did, that story, because I will tell you, people acting crazy like that in restaurants, I can't abide by it.

[Caleb Heron]

Bowen and I had a beautiful night at Veselka once.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, really?

[Caleb Heron]

Do you remember our faded night bone?

[Matt Rogers]

I do. Of course I do. But I do we talk about it, because I think it was. Was best case. I think things happen exactly how they should have. They were meant to.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, I. It was funny because you were writing for SNL and, oh, this is years ago. This is 2019.

[Matt Rogers]

Yes, this is. This is after my first season. You were screen testing.

[Caleb Heron]

It wasn't your first. Right. Your first season writing? Yes, yes, yes, yes. I was screen testing for the show, and I was like. I was like, bowen, can we go. Can we, like, go out and get food after my thing? And we. Bowen took me to Vaselka, and I was like. I feel like. I was like, like, you're gonna be on the show. Right?

[Matt Rogers]

You told me that.

[Caleb Heron]

I feel like we talked about it. Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

And I was like. And I. Even back then, I was like, I don't know. I think, like, I. I just literally was like, they would never put an Asian person on.

[Caleb Heron]

And I was like, they're not gonna put two gay guys on.

[Matt Rogers]

Right.

[Caleb Heron]

I left. I left that meal being like, bowen's getting on the show. And this was a fun exercise, but, like, I'm not getting this job. And then that is what happened. But it was. It was so. You were so Sweet and lovely to me. And I was nervous about the things.

[Matt Rogers]

I was terrible to the staff. I was.

[Caleb Heron]

You were horrible to the staff. You berated them. And then Matt came in just to be mean to. Didn't even, like, have a bite with us. Came in, berated them, left. Yeah, awesome, awesome.

[Bowen Yang]

And I made sure it was Michelle. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Get Michelle out here. Get out of here.

[Bowen Yang]

Fuck you.

[Caleb Heron]

Bring her in, get her out. But it was so lovely and sweet.

[Matt Rogers]

That was nice. That was Chicago days. What was the year. What was the year post that you. That you defected from Chicago? Chicago.

[Caleb Heron]

I left Chicago, if you can possibly believe it, in May of 2020 to move to Los Angeles.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay, well, at that time, that was kind of a. That was.

[Matt Rogers]

That was the time.

[Bowen Yang]

Because LA was, you know, quote unquote, nicer place to be at that.

[Caleb Heron]

Totally nicer. You could be outside. And I was driving for UberEats at the time. I had no job. I had quit my job to do comedy full time in January of 2020. Let's all have a laugh. And I thought. I thought things were on the up. And then Covid happened. Nothing happened. I was making no money, so I was driving for Uber and I was like, yeah, I'd rather be driving for Uber with the windows down.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

While people are dying left and right all winter.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

I was like, I'm gonna, like, let me get out there. So I moved to LA then, love. Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

I mean, it's all like. Like we're just little path diverging in wood and then meeting back up again.

[Caleb Heron]

Isn't it so cute, though? Like, guys, we've been doing this for

[Bowen Yang]

a minute and that it's now at the point where it's just like, oh, how long have I known Bowen? And the answer is 17 years.

[Caleb Heron]

Jesus Christ. That's crazy.

[Bowen Yang]

It's gonna be. It's gonna be half our life.

[Matt Rogers]

Half our life soon.

[Bowen Yang]

That feels crazy. Just to quantify, like, your adult life

[Matt Rogers]

met you in 2008. So what do we round up and say 18?

[Bowen Yang]

Technically.

[Matt Rogers]

Technically, 18.

[Caleb Heron]

In a couple years, you guys will have had more life knowing each other than you did before you knew each other.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, I know.

[Caleb Heron]

You know what I mean?

[Matt Rogers]

That's how. Well, that's where I am with New York City, where I'm like, I've spent most of my life here. It's the only place I've been an adult in. Am I robbing myself of something? Don't know. How do you mean by saying, oh, I haven't lived anywhere else.

[Bowen Yang]

But he knows where he's going when everything goes down.

[Caleb Heron]

Where are you going?

[Matt Rogers]

Ontario.

[Caleb Heron]

Really? Why is that?

[Matt Rogers]

Lake Muskoka. Just lakes.

[Bowen Yang]

Just.

[Matt Rogers]

There's no, there's no, there's. If you look at all the map overlays, it's like, no, no wildfires, no tornadoes, no earthquakes, no floods.

[Bowen Yang]

He's got his, like, really prepper. It's interesting.

[Matt Rogers]

Nowadays, I think we all got to be preppers.

[Bowen Yang]

No, it's interesting nowadays because you talk to people. Everyone's got realize some people in your life have fully prepped, like we are, or our friends, who's a couple. I was over there at their, at their apartment, like a few months ago, and they go, yeah, we're both getting guns. And I'm like, what? And they go, well, when the grid goes down, we both need a gun in case one of us goes, yeah. I was like, excuse me? They were like, yeah, well, if one of us goes. If one of us goes down, you need someone to cover. I was like, you guys have really thought about, like, who are these people?

[Caleb Heron]

These lesbians? Yeah, guys, see, it's the lesbians that are doing it to me. And I heard something even more concerning recently. I was at a lesbian. More concerning than gun, if you can believe it. I was at a lesbian's house recently. They told me that. They said, yeah, several of us just got walkie talkies. I said, I'm not paying attention to. No, I very clearly am not tapped

[Bowen Yang]

into what you think for their compound,

[Caleb Heron]

that they're like, already, like said, walkie talkies. If it comes walkie talkie time, give me the gun.

[Matt Rogers]

If it comes walkie talkie time.

[Caleb Heron]

I'm not doing walkie talkie time.

[Matt Rogers]

Well, I go, I go, like, if the grid goes down, I'm out.

[Caleb Heron]

I'm sorry, I'm killing myself. I'm not doing walkie talkies.

[Matt Rogers]

I am not doing walkies. I'm not doing generators. I'm not. Because then what? We're camping.

[Bowen Yang]

And I hate that I'm not camping, my love. When my wi fi goes out, I almost jump out a window. I'm not surviving when the grid goes down.

[Caleb Heron]

Not at all. I, I, the things I find the space in my heart and soul to complain about my current present life. Yeah, you wouldn't want to see me. Also, it can't be that those things are called walkie talkies as the technical term.

[Bowen Yang]

No, no, no.

[Caleb Heron]

There's gotta be a more technical term, right?

[Matt Rogers]

Whatever it is, when the grid goes down, those nails. Bye.

[Bowen Yang]

Bye.

[Caleb Heron]

No. God, don't do close ups on them. It's really embarrassing. No, I'm not doing walkie talkies. I'm not doing survivalist stuff. I, like, will come to the lake with you for a little bit if I can still, like drive, but I'm not. If the grid goes down, I'm not doing it. One of my friends drew a map. Drew a hand drawn map.

[Bowen Yang]

Hot.

[Caleb Heron]

Why? Guess of how to get from New York to this piece of land that their family owns in Pennsylvania. In case we need to escape. I said, yeah. I'm just not. I'm obviously not reading the things you guys are reading.

[Bowen Yang]

I'm not.

[Caleb Heron]

I can't be involved.

[Bowen Yang]

We're running different races.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Like, you're trying to fight, like, with people. I'm like, again, fighting with my microwave to work.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

I'm like, how do I get to. What is going on?

[Caleb Heron]

I have a different challenge.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh. The whole grid is fully working better than ever. And I'm barely surv.

[Caleb Heron]

The grid is up and I'm barely getting by.

[Matt Rogers]

I mean, in theory, it's Ontario for me, but it's like, who knows at that point? I just. I just hope I'm there when shit goes down.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Which is so unlikely.

[Bowen Yang]

On ebay, every find has a story.

[Matt Rogers]

Like if you're looking for a vintage band tee.

[Bowen Yang]

Not just a tee. The band tee from the last show your favorite band ever played.

[Matt Rogers]

You wore it everywhere. Then your boyfriend started wearing it, which

[Bowen Yang]

was cute until he dumped you and

[Matt Rogers]

took it with him, which was not so cute.

[Bowen Yang]

But he was. I miss him. Anyway, now you're on ebay.

[Matt Rogers]

And there it is. Same tea from the same tour, still living in your memory rent free forever.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, screw you, Dave.

[Matt Rogers]

The things you love have a way of finding their way back to you.

[Bowen Yang]

Except Dave.

[Matt Rogers]

But ebay isn't just forgetting whatever your ex/xbff stole back.

[Bowen Yang]

We miss you. It's also for that rare championship foul ball that you call then heroically gave to the kid next to you. You're welcome. Scoot.

[Matt Rogers]

And where else are you gonna find your first car? A RAV4 from 2003.

[Bowen Yang]

The one you wish you never sold, but now finally got the chance to take back home.

[Matt Rogers]

I'm buying a car on ebay for good this time.

[Bowen Yang]

Shop ebay for millions of finds, each with a story. EBay. Things people love.

[Matt Rogers]

That's a good tagline.

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[Caleb Heron]

What do you guys want out of your life? Can I ask you an earnest question?

[Matt Rogers]

Yes.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

We've been gay guy, we've been vulnerable. What else can we be? Earnest.

[Bowen Yang]

I think we can be all sorts of things. That's really what this podcast has.

[Caleb Heron]

What do you guys really want?

[Bowen Yang]

What do I really want? You know what I think I would like to. I think I like my life and I like the way it's developing and I want it to continue. But it's. I stopped. Like I said the other day. I was like, I don't really believe anymore in making plans after like six months, like six months ahead. It's like I. I can see my schedule and I can see what I'm doing for a few months. But like, I don't. I couldn't wrap my head around a five year plan or a grand plan for my life because I feel like that would weirdly be limiting. I'm like open to things. Cause I've surprised myself so far, I think. And then in terms of like, you know, the romantic stuff and like all of that, like, I think that right now I'm in the mode of like, I just want to follow good feelings and what is meant to be, be will be. Yeah, but I can't. I don't know. I can't. I can't. It's not that I can't make goals anymore. It's just that, like, I don't think it would be useful for me. I'm just kind of like, let's just

[Caleb Heron]

see everybody's feeling that way.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

I don't think anyone can see the future, which is a real. I don't know if that's new or if that's, like, always been kind of happening or what, but I really don't think so many people living right now that are, like, our age or younger are really thinking 20 years from now and going, like, I know what that'll look like.

[Matt Rogers]

Because this is the first time in society. Someone was saying this on what, like, Al Jazeera or something? This is the first time in society where we are mourning the future in advance.

[Bowen Yang]

Right.

[Caleb Heron]

That was pretty scary.

[Matt Rogers]

We're not. This is the first time as a people that we're like, oh, 20 years from now. Well, that's. That's so uncertain that, like, I can't. And that puts you in a crazy existential funk where you're like, what the fuck am I supposed to do now if I, like, if I. There's nothing to reap, like, in 20 years.

[Caleb Heron]

I just watched this incredible documentary called Join or Die. Have y' all seen this?

[Bowen Yang]

Join or Die.

[Caleb Heron]

Join or Die. Has anyone heard of this?

[Bowen Yang]

What's Join or Die?

[Caleb Heron]

It's so wonderful. This guy, and I don't remember anyone's names from it. Sorry. But this researcher researched for a long time like, like, governments and society, like societies and, like, little different, like, regions. And I think mostly in Italy at first. And then he came back to the States. He's from the States. He basically did research on, like, what makes people feel cohesive, like, what is the basis of community, like, what makes rich community where people feel bought into their democracies and, like, what is that thing? And he basically started charting it with, like, involvement in social groups like Kiwanis or the Elks Lodge or choirs or, like, choral groups or, you know, these things that we used to have so many social clubs. Like, the women's suffrage movement started, like, a women's social club. And like. Like many of, like, W.E.B. du Bois is, like, speeches came at, like, social clubs, like, places where people gathered to be, like, part of, like, societies and things.

[Matt Rogers]

Like, third spaces.

[Caleb Heron]

Exactly. But the as. As, like, mistrust in the government and, like, disenchantment with democracy has gone up in, like, a pretty straight line. Inversely, association with, like, groups has gone down. Yep. And I was so fascinated by this. It's a really, really good documentary. It's on Netflix. Shout out, you guys.

[Matt Rogers]

Shout out.

[Caleb Heron]

Shout out great things. Love y'. All. And all the streamers and all the

[Bowen Yang]

streamers, by the way.

[Caleb Heron]

I just love you guys. I hope everything streams forever.

[Bowen Yang]

And it will.

[Caleb Heron]

And stop sending movies to theaters, by the way.

[Bowen Yang]

Can we stream them?

[Caleb Heron]

And it was really, really good, though. It was. It was really fascinating. And I was like, oh, yeah, we're really not in groups anymore because.

[Matt Rogers]

And, like, the perfect sort of recipe for whatever little manipulative things is there's no reason we're less and less motivated to go and seek out these spaces and clubs and stuff.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Because we're on our phones.

[Caleb Heron]

We're on our phones. And also, there's no real belief, I think, on a mass scale. I just was reading maybe yesterday morning about this town. I think it was in Oklahoma that their city council and their mayor.

[Matt Rogers]

You're obsessed with Oklahoma, by the way.

[Caleb Heron]

I love Oklahoma. Can't get enough of it. Cannot get enough of it. Shout out to Oklahoma. Shout out Oklahoma readers. What are your guys. Other ones, Kat, Katie readers. Katie's public and Kyle's Oklahoma fans of this show.

[Bowen Yang]

Shout out. They're their own subgroup now.

[Caleb Heron]

Y. Oklahoma.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, Oklahomans.

[Caleb Heron]

Los. Okay, I can't do it right now, but I was reading something that this town, they, like, approved a giant, like, AI data center. The city council and the town, like, got together and, like, marched into city hall and. And turned in, like, a fully signed petition to have all of them recalled, Everyone on city council, the mayor, entirely put up for, like, a recall vote immediately. And it was like this surge of, like, they do not want this data center. They're being sold out by their officials. But it's.

[Bowen Yang]

You need.

[Caleb Heron]

It needs to be on that kind of scale for people to believe that we can affect change, because we can. It just needs to be scaled down to where it's, like, manageable to take bites.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah. Like, you know, somebody was saying, like, the other day, it's like, even with the. The protest, like, it feels like we're often hearing, like, this was the largest protest in history or like, this was the biggest day. Like, it still feels like when you zoom out and look at what's happening in the world, like, there. I understand that. Thought of, like, okay, well, how many times have we heard that? And yet it feels like the world is getting worse and worse and worse. But then when you think of community on a small scale, it's very easy for me to think about, like, people walking into a town hall and, like, making sure because people would be forced to listen. I think what's so shitty is it's like, it doesn't matter anymore how large a voice we are saying, we don't want something. We're so separated from the people that can make Change and make power. And they're so siloed off from us that it's like totally fruitless.

[Matt Rogers]

Yesterday they did attacks the rich rally in the Bronx and someone was like, it was great. It was just people who already know this, but they were so, I don't know, like it felt like interesting, like we weren't sure like where this was all going. I was like, oh no. The fact that you guys even like gathered is kind of like the win, right? It's like what you're saying, it's like these movements start out of literal like biomass, like living breathing creatures, like coming together for whatever reason.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, I really have two minds about it because I feel also that I had this conversation with a lot of friends after like 2016 because it was a very funny experience for me as someone who had lived my whole life up until that point in Missouri that so many of my friends on the coasts for the first time were being like, we got to pay attention to the middle of the country. And I was like, oh, were you guys not paying attention? I was like, oh, I was. And so that was really interesting to me. I learned a lot from that moment. And then I have this kind of feeling that I'm like, something is going to have to give eventually. With the fact that like so many people, like leftist, like good hearted people who really want a brighter future for all of us, we say that things are so dire right now and we say that like this is really as bad as it can get. It is so existential. And then the truth is that if a bunch of us moved to other places and started like having hard conversations, I think we have the winning argument. I think good people who want a better future that is not controlled by a handful of billionaires actually have the winning argument. And a lot of working people who don't vote the way we think, maybe they should agree with us. Yeah, if we, if it's so existential, a bunch of us are going to have to move to places like Ohio and get to work. And we're not doing that. And so that's okay. But we're gonna have to like eventually do something about the cognitive dissonance of the statement that things are existentially dire and we have to make take drastic measures. And then also nobody wants to move to West Virginia.

[Bowen Yang]

The thing is though, I feel like, yes, it's okay that people don't do that, but if that's not going to be the case, if we are not going to engage with them in a real way like that Then we have to at least. Least, I think, make sure we're not siling. Siloing off in a media way.

[Caleb Heron]

Right. I really want. And this was almost. And I don't think so, honey, for me. But it's not. But the. The. What I really want is for Democrats to start being who Republicans say they are. Yeah, there's. Republicans keep saying that Democrats are these, like, transgender leftist radicals who want to, like, destroy the billionaire class. And then you cut to Chuck Schumer, and it's like, he's not on estrogen. He's not sucking dick. He's not doing anything for working people. Like, there's just nothing. And then their whole pitch, like, Gavin Newsom's whole pitch is like, hey, I'm not so different from the Republicans. And it's like, well, can you be right? Can somebody be what? Does anyone have any interest in being different than these cretins? Like, yeah, it makes me feel crazy because you look at a place like Missouri where Trump wins by, you know, 14, 15, 20 points, whatever, and then abortion. They. They pass the strictest abortion ban in the country, and then they put it up for a referendum, and the people vote it down by three points. So that's a 20 plus point swing between Trump winning and a very contentious progressive issue winning with the same voters.

[Bowen Yang]

Right.

[Caleb Heron]

Same thing with legalized marijuana. Same thing with raising the minimum wage and giving people paid sick leave. All very leftist ideas. They're winning on the same ballots that Trump is winning. So we very clearly have a candidate problem. And I think if the solution was people like Gavin Newsom coming in with, like, a slick haircut and not wearing a tie, so we think he's regular. Spare me. Coming in and parroting the same things they're talking about. We've already had that choice. We've already had that choice, and it didn't work. So I just feel crazy all the time. I feel fucking crazy.

[Bowen Yang]

I mean, I was watching something yesterday about, like, well, it looks like Kamala Harris is running again, and so that means that her and Gavin Newsom will be at the top of. At the top of the polls. And I'm like, well, that just sounds like a lot of wasted time, guys.

[Caleb Heron]

Why?

[Matt Rogers]

Because.

[Caleb Heron]

Let's run someone crazy. Let's run someone. Let's run a fucking, like, kooky leftist art teacher for. From, like, Middlebury, Ohio. Let's run someone nuts. Let's just go crazy with it. I just don't think. I'm sorry, but I just don't think Kamala and Gavin are gonna do it.

[Bowen Yang]

No, I mean, it's just never gonna happen. I, I, it's because it just goes back to the thing of what people didn't like, I think, holistically, was that he was the. The type of, like, you can even tell in the way he does his hair and the way he talks, and he comes out and says things like, we need to be more culturally normal, and that's gonna, like, fix our problems. I'm like, what? Yeah. What exactly do you mean by that? That. And he is, like, so slightly. Or he thinks he's so slightly homophobic. Meanwhile, it just is homophobia.

[Caleb Heron]

Also, any. Any Republican with any level of, like, acumen is going to destroy him on that. Culturally normal. I know he thinks he's courting middle voters, but, brother, you grew up rich in California. Yeah. Your culturally normal thing is not going to fly in a. In the middle of the country. Like, it doesn't fly with me. I'm, like, culturally normal. I don't feel anything like you.

[Matt Rogers]

You.

[Caleb Heron]

And it's not because I love trans people. I do. But it's like, I don't feel related to you at all because you're, like, a slick career politician who you want to be president so bad that I like. Ew, I hate it. That being said, I think if gay guys would podcast for president, this country would be in such a good place.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah. But he's always. He's always, you know, I'm confident we could do it.

[Caleb Heron]

I think we could do it.

[Bowen Yang]

That's why we're making great teams.

[Matt Rogers]

Rogers Heron looks good on Supreme Court.

[Caleb Heron]

You would be incredible on the Supreme Court. You would be incredible on the Supreme Court.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, I.

[Caleb Heron]

You in that robe.

[Bowen Yang]

I was gonna say thank you.

[Matt Rogers]

Thank you.

[Caleb Heron]

Why'd you want to push back so bad, though? You

[Bowen Yang]

wants to move to Canada.

[Matt Rogers]

I want to move to Canada. I don't want. I don't want any of this.

[Bowen Yang]

Speaking of culturally normal.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh, wait, my God. Wait. We haven't asked Caleb.

[Bowen Yang]

We haven't even asked Caleb the question, which is, how did you become cultural? You, Caleb Herron, what was the culture that made you say culture was for you?

[Caleb Heron]

Okay, let me ask you. Is this supposed to be one thing?

[Matt Rogers]

No, it can be anything. It can be Missouri. It can be like a movie, a show, a song, a singer. It can be any.

[Caleb Heron]

Yes. Okay. I have so many things to say, but Wide Open Spaces, album by the Chicks. Wide Open Spaces, the album by the Chicks.

[Bowen Yang]

Yes.

[Matt Rogers]

Yes.

[Caleb Heron]

Formerly Dixie. We're not doing that anymore. The Chicks.

[Matt Rogers]

The Chicks.

[Caleb Heron]

That album has everything. It has. Has. It has your mom and your aunt scream, singing along in the car. It has heartbreak. It has. Killing a man who cheated on you or sorry, abused you. It has. He probably cheated, too. It has. It has. It has fun dance tunes.

[Bowen Yang]

It has.

[Caleb Heron]

Fiddle. Wide Open Spaces by the Chicks is one of the greatest pieces of art we have ever seen in this country.

[Matt Rogers]

Thank you.

[Caleb Heron]

And it really is what the American project was all leading to since then. Who knows what happened. Wide Open Spaces by the Chicks. God, I love those ladies.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

The project ended and failed when. When? You know, when the whole fucking thing happened.

[Caleb Heron]

Yes. When they got in trouble. By the way, most people don't even remember this. When the chicks got in trouble.

[Matt Rogers]

They were right.

[Caleb Heron]

What? They. Not only were they right, but they didn't even say anything that crazy. It was one concert in Paris or London.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Where Natalie. Right. Yeah. Where Natalie says, we just want you all to know we're on the good side with you. We are ashamed of this war and we're ashamed. The president. United States is from Texas. That's a fucking softball. I've said crazier things like that is insane. They were right, and they should be. Oh, God, I love them so much, I could cry. I love them. They're so special. And Natalie Maines is so principled.

[Bowen Yang]

Absolutely.

[Caleb Heron]

And so talented. And I love her.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

I love.

[Bowen Yang]

And you know what's crazy is it's like, what the. The Gaslighter album like, I. Which I also love, which was their most recent album. Like it. I hated that. It got tougher for her.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Because her fucking husband, the guy, Adrian Pazdar from Heroes, which was such a disappointment as a Heroes fan that he was such like a. You know. What is it? Tights on my boat? Yes. That, like, that was so disappointing. I'm like, wow, this woman couldn't even catch a fucking break.

[Caleb Heron]

Brought her backstage at the Hollywood Bowl.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Adrian Pazdar. It is on site, brother.

[Bowen Yang]

It's really on.

[Caleb Heron]

If I see you in the streets, we need to have minimum, a strongly worded conversation. Maximum. Glove up, let's box.

[Bowen Yang]

He's not. He's not on the streets anymore. I don't know where.

[Matt Rogers]

He's too scared.

[Bowen Yang]

No, I. There's no way.

[Matt Rogers]

But Wide open Spaces. This. When did you encounter this album?

[Caleb Heron]

Wide Open Spaces came out in the late 90s. So I was a very young. I mean, most of my early. My mom is, like, my biggest inspiration in the world. And, like, pretty much everything good about me is because of my mom. And most of my, like, music taste comes from my mom, like, blaring songs in the car.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

And us, like, driving somewhere. I mean, we just always had to go somewhere. Like, we always had to go. Like, she was always rushing to get to work and drop us off at the babysitter. Or like, we had to go to, like. Like, there just feels like we were always driving.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Because we were. And. Yeah, I just. She would play. I feel like I really came to understand when I got a little bit older that, like, country music by women at that time was really giving framework for a bunch of women who didn't have, like, a formal education, giving them a framework for feminism. And it's like they were sitting around chatting like that. But it was the feeling of, like, I never saw the women in my life so alive as when they were listening to the Chicks and Shania Twain and Jody.

[Bowen Yang]

Martina.

[Caleb Heron]

Martina McBride, Faith Hill. Like, the list goes on and on and on. And Leanne Womack, like, it just really. Yeah. It made them light up in a way. And I think it's because it was, like, music for them about their lives that was so empowering. And so I really fell in love with that music because I saw all the women in my life, like, come alive, too.

[Matt Rogers]

It.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. And, yeah, the women in my life were always just genuinely, for the most part, funnier and, like, more vibrant and interesting than the men who were talking over them. And the talking over women thing has become, like, kind of like. It got, like, beat over the head nauseatingly, I feel, like, to a point. But there it really, when I was growing up, was like, these women couldn't get a word in edgewise, and they were funnier and smarter.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

And that drove me insane. And, yeah, seeing them, like, listening to, like, the chicks and singing along, I just. Just felt that there was something going on that was, like, very special. Yeah. And I fell in love with it because it was just the best feeling in the world.

[Matt Rogers]

See?

[Bowen Yang]

And I also wonder, in the. In the aftermath of all that happening, how frustrating that must have been for women who probably were being told by their husbands, like, we don't like them anymore, or, like, we're burning their albums and doing the CDs and, like, how shitty it must have felt.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. I also feel like I don't want to. I want to make sure that when I say that there wasn't a formal education around film feminism, the women in my life were feminist in ways that people who have only studied in the classroom could never like. Their feminism was still important and real and. And powerful. They. They were taking stances and making swings and stuff. I just mean, like, formally. Formally, like, there wasn't this thing that I experienced when I went to college where a bunch of people were sitting around talking about ideas and being like, this is why this should be this way. And like, this is an example of this. Like, it was more just this lived experience of like, yeah, these shitty, annoying men.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Like, ruining your life at every turn. And you just kind of having, like. I think, like, yeah, I don't want to be. There's. There are many women I have known in my life that have had to stay with a man because they. They just could not afford to live right. And the things you have to put up with to be in that situation. Yeah. The one of the only times I saw them feel really like. Like liberated up was when they were listening to this kind of.

[Bowen Yang]

Because they were.

[Matt Rogers]

It is liberating music. Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

They were telling stories of, like, what it might be like. Like, to like. I think that's. There's a catharsis in being like, what if we just killed him? You know what I mean? Like, there's like, there's. That's what I love about music is like, you live in a different world for three and a half minutes. And like, for three and a half minutes, people were living in a world where it was like, you know, I cathartically had this experience and listening to this song where I fucking killed my husband with my best friend. Or I got. I got. I helped my friend that I'm seeing struggle out of a situation. It didn't actually happen, but cathartically and, like, you know, metaphorically he's lived in.

[Matt Rogers]

Right. But it's like, the thing about music is that it is accessible. You don't have to, like, at the time, you have to like, pop Thelma and Louise in the VCR and like, watch us watch a story or a parable portraying, like, feminine power in this way. You can just like, turn it on on the radio. Or you could like, pop the CD in the car as you're driving. As it's like in the weather of your life. Like, the. Like just is in the climate of your life. Like, that's. The tricks are fucking major. I'm. I'm. I need to go back and really give Wide Open Spaces, like, a full list like. Like, track to track listen. Because I always go to fly. Fly is my incredible album.

[Caleb Heron]

Incredible album.

[Matt Rogers]

Wide Open Spaces. You're right. Like, that is like just the three of them. On that cover. Just like light on their feet.

[Bowen Yang]

Well, that was like that and Fly were like the wide open spaces in that were like the peak. Commercial.

[Matt Rogers]

Peak.

[Caleb Heron]

Peak. Yeah. And the music was.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah. But also. But not ready to make nice. Was also taking the long way. That is just like, that's the album of the year win where you're like, fuck, yes. At least that was like the only. The vindication that we could have hoped for at the time. Now I think long term, it's like, of course, we're all like, on the same page about the chicks. It's unfortunate what happened to them, but like, them winning album of the year for taking the long way. And I thought Gaslighter was like a success.

[Bowen Yang]

I loved Gaslighter.

[Matt Rogers]

It was a success, though. Like, I feel commercially it did well, right?

[Bowen Yang]

I think so. It was deep in the pandemic when it came out. I don't know how much it was like, I remember I would listen to it constantly when it came out. I loved how do you sleep at night? Oh, my God, that music video is great too.

[Caleb Heron]

And Texas, man. Oh, yeah, yeah. Also another one. Did you guys ever see. I'm always evangelizing about this. Did you guys ever see Monique's Queens of Comedy set?

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Yes.

[Caleb Heron]

This set changed my mind.

[Bowen Yang]

Wait. And also, I'm sure you've seen the one where she went to the women's prison.

[Caleb Heron]

No, I've not.

[Bowen Yang]

She has such an incredible set at a women's prison where she goes. And it was just. They were living for her and I was just like, people don't talk about her talent as a stand up. They don't talk about her talent across the board enough. Anyway, they disrespect her at every turn. Every turn.

[Matt Rogers]

She's been ahead of it at every turn with the open relationship stuff with like, I'm not shaving my fucking legs.

[Caleb Heron]

Hello.

[Matt Rogers]

I'm not campaigning for an Oscar. Like, I'm not doing this shit that's. That you're telling me to do.

[Caleb Heron]

Monique is everything. Her Queens of Comedy set was one of the first times. I mean, I grew up in such a. Like, fatness was either like a bad thing or a joke. Like, best case, being fat was a joke. Worst case and more normal was it was like this horrific thing to be like, oh, my gosh, if you were ever. If anyone was fat, it was like they were like, dying to change it. It was really seeped into, like, my personhood. And Monique was genuinely the first time she opens that Queens of Comedy set. She came out and like, she was big fat woman at the time and she came out in this like leatherette, like sexy, slinky little thing thing. And she walked out and she was like, every fat bitch in this room should be on their feet clapping for me right now.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

She was like, skinny bitches don't have what it takes. Yeah, skinny bit like, it just like, they just don't. She just like went in and I have, I had never seen a fat person like own a room like that.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

And it was genuinely one of the first times that I was like, oh, maybe I don't have to hate myself. Like, maybe there is a reality where I can just like myself and feel confident. And I owe so much of my like six, like any success I have or any like, confidence I have on stage, I genuinely owe at least in part to watching that set for the first 100%. So good. If you, if you're listening to this readers, publicists, Oklahoma, publicists, I'm coming to you now. If you have not seen this set, go watch it. It's really amazing.

[Bowen Yang]

Also, like that set, 100%. And then this, this prison set I'm referencing, I'll never forget one. One of the bits in any early standup I watched at that time that stuck with me was hers from that prison set. It was her reckoning with homophobia. And I remember at the time the homophobia that she was feeling. And I remember at the time I was probably like 14, 15, 16 years old, so hyper aware of when someone was being homophobic, especially in a stand up comedy set. Because I was like, I really want, I respect the art form and knew I wanted to do it someday or something like it. And she went on this run about how, like, she was pretty sure that one of her sons had a gay friend. And she was like, and this gay kid's coming over and I'm like, what the fuck? And then she did this run about how like her son looked at her and was like, what do you care if he's gay? He's a good person and like, I love him and like, it's not a big deal. And she was like relating it to how she knew a lot of the women in the audience were lesbian. She's like, who's here's gay? And there was like, yeah. And it was just like this, this way to reckon with this ugly thing about her that she recognized was a part of like the fabric of what she thought at the time. But, like, was she was working through it in a real way that didn't feel icky as an audience member or didn't make me feel shitty as a little gay boy watching it. I was just like, this. This is how you, I think, walk through a phobia that you had. And maybe this could be a note that every iconic male straight comedian that's aged up now could take. But it was just more interesting for her to unpack what she needed to unpack than to be like, this is what I don't get. This is what I don't get. This is what I don't get. It was just. It was more developed. And you're right, I think, is because it was her womanhood that was allowing her that lens.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, she gave permission. She really gave so many people permission to be themselves.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Genuinely, I love her so much.

[Matt Rogers]

And she gave us the iconic quote, the whore jumped out.

[Caleb Heron]

The whore jumped out.

[Matt Rogers]

Your behavior was whore like.

[Caleb Heron]

Whore like.

[Bowen Yang]

And the whore jumped out, jumped out

[Caleb Heron]

and jumped back in Charm School was. We owe so much to Monique on Charm School, and it's not Even like, top 10 of what we owe her. Thank you for. But goddamn, she was so good.

[Matt Rogers]

God damn, she was so good on Charm School.

[Bowen Yang]

That's why there's no rules is because it was after Charm School that she won the Academy Award. That's why I say there's no rules in entertainment. You can do anything as long as you're good enough. Because Monique, like, hosted Charm School and then after that, won the most within, like, three years after Charm School and deservedly so.

[Matt Rogers]

And by the way, didn't do the whole campaign. Bullshit.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, no, just. Just completely annihilated any job she's ever been given in a way that is also singular and memorable and real star quality. Because there's not another Monique. No, there's not another Monique in so many different ways. There's not her, like, vocal delivery, her cadence, her, like, her point of view, her bravery, her courage, her choices. Artistically, there's just not. She just doesn't get the credit.

[Caleb Heron]

And she played a horny, inappropriate, freaky legend on the Parkers, and we have to. You have to thank her for that. She's chasing that man down the halls, and it was inappropriate, but really funny. And I love her so much.

[Bowen Yang]

I would also say one of the top 10 things that I think we do owe her for is in Beer Fest when she said, imma break your dick off when she was riding someone's penis. I'll never forget the beer. Her performance in Beer Fest and you can Supporting actress nomination was Deserved for Beer Fest as well. A film that I'll remind you exactly exists.

[Matt Rogers]

When did that come out?

[Bowen Yang]

I mean, had to be 2006 or 2007. Because the peer pressure that I must have felt to go see that can only be described if I was there.

[Caleb Heron]

It had to be during a time where it was socially advantageous for me to attend the film.

[Bowen Yang]

If I was seeing Beer Fest at Islip Movie Theater, it must have been 2006.

[Matt Rogers]

These are phenomenal answers, really.

[Caleb Heron]

I could go on and on, but yeah, these are. Those are two that really, really stick out to me. Also the movie Miss Congeniality, of course. Hello.

[Bowen Yang]

Give some, Give some favorite elements of the film.

[Caleb Heron]

Sandra Bullock. Sandra Bullock is once again one of the best things that we have to offer the world as human beings and the. In the universe, really. I would hold her, I would put her in a very small class of people that we should show to the. We should give her work to the aliens to say, this is what we can do.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah. This is what a movie star is.

[Caleb Heron]

This is what a movie star is. Bring that back. I mean, she really, really is. So there are a million, million moments. But really I was re watching it recently and one of the moments that stuck out to me is when she's on the plane, okay, going to get her makeover and she's watching the videos of like, the queens.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Like, she's trying to learn how to give an acceptance speech.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

And she's like. She's like really going for it.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

I. I just was like, God, to be as, like, charming and genuinely good at acting and also DNA funny as she is.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Many people think they have it and they just.

[Bowen Yang]

And they just don't.

[Matt Rogers]

I will never forget the way she says when Benjamin Bratt brings his hot new girl to the bar and she's eating ice cream. He's like, I'll take a gin and tonic. And she'll have. And then Sandra goes, milk.

[Caleb Heron]

Give her milk.

[Matt Rogers]

So good.

[Caleb Heron]

So many people. Yeah, we just.

[Matt Rogers]

Everybody likes Sandra Bliss, Shatner, Kati Bergen.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, Candice Bergen is so fat.

[Caleb Heron]

When Candice Bergen stands up and the crown is perfectly on top of her head.

[Bowen Yang]

Talk about directing a film.

[Caleb Heron]

Let's talk about directing a film. No, we're not directing films anymore.

[Bowen Yang]

No, we're not.

[Caleb Heron]

The crown should be placed.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah. Honestly, that was good. And I also like Benjamin Bratt. He was an iconic hottie of the time.

[Caleb Heron]

Michael Caine, legendary performance. So good. He's with me. He's with me. He says, the year we lost the girl was a deaf mute. You can't beat. You can't compete with that.

[Matt Rogers]

You can't beat that.

[Bowen Yang]

So funny. Please. This woman has no talent.

[Caleb Heron]

Legend.

[Matt Rogers]

Legend. Will you desist?

[Caleb Heron]

Desist.

[Bowen Yang]

So good.

[Caleb Heron]

That movie is amazing.

[Bowen Yang]

It's incredible.

[Caleb Heron]

It's incredible.

[Bowen Yang]

They just had. Oh, God. I just took the flight back from Thailand and they had like Sandra Bullock's entire discography.

[Caleb Heron]

Thank God.

[Bowen Yang]

And I did choose to watch discography.

[Caleb Heron]

Discography.

[Bowen Yang]

By the way, her discography.

[Caleb Heron]

By the way, her sound, her unique sound.

[Bowen Yang]

Imagine she had like, she was famous enough at one point where she could have been like, I'm doing music. Music. Remember when Reese Witherspoon flirted with that after Walk the Line? They were like, well, you know, she's so good. But they were like, maybe she'll release an album. And I believe that that was like flirted with for a second.

[Matt Rogers]

But no, because this is the year when ScarJo was coming out with music. Like the girls were. The girls of that ilk were like coming out with. With songs.

[Caleb Heron]

Oh, it'll happen for me, I'll do it.

[Bowen Yang]

And Hathaway.

[Caleb Heron]

Oh, I'll do it.

[Bowen Yang]

Have you heard, have you heard her song Burial?

[Caleb Heron]

No, sorry.

[Bowen Yang]

So Mother Mary, she's done a song with Charlie xcx, Jack Antonoff and I believe she co wrote on it. Yes, it's called this is your burial.

[Caleb Heron]

Oh, my God.

[Bowen Yang]

She's giving like sort of Gaga, Charlie xcx, pop star in her other movie coming out next month, it's called Mother Mary with Michaela Cole where she plays like. It's like. It's like a sapphic like pop star. Like sort of like weird, freaky deaky little.

[Caleb Heron]

And by the way, talk about another person that we should give up to the aliens to show what we're capable of. Anne Hathaway. Anne's performance in of course everything. But we can. We do not talk enough.

[Matt Rogers]

Rachel getting married about.

[Caleb Heron]

What's that now?

[Matt Rogers]

Nothing.

[Bowen Yang]

I'm getting married.

[Matt Rogers]

Keep going, keep going.

[Caleb Heron]

Okay, but let me raise you this. Her performance in Brokeback Mountain.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, oh, please. Her on the phone when she just goes. She just makes a little noise.

[Caleb Heron]

Hello. It's called acting. And we don't see it enough anymore. No, she's so goddamn good in that movie.

[Bowen Yang]

She's so fucking good in it.

[Caleb Heron]

And she looks incredible.

[Bowen Yang]

Everyone else got all the air. But like. And I also appreciate that movie for what it did for Michelle Williams and she deserved that.

[Caleb Heron]

Yes.

[Bowen Yang]

But Anne got lost in the conversation and she was giving a great blonde performance.

[Caleb Heron]

Yes, she was. She was phenomenal. She's phenomenal in that movie. And I. Yeah, she really is. What was the one you were saying?

[Bowen Yang]

Rachel getting married.

[Matt Rogers]

Getting married.

[Caleb Heron]

I haven't seen it.

[Matt Rogers]

Crashes a car. I'm watch out of it. She's in recent interviews. It's been like they asked her what's an undersung role of yours? She's like, I'm really proud of Rachel getting married. And as she should be.

[Bowen Yang]

I'm gonna watch it, I gotta say too, I did recently rewatch the clip of I Dreamed a Dream and you forget she did it in one take. Yep. It was done live in one take. Right there in her face. And you think because Les Mis kind of when you look back at it, people are like, oh. Iffy about the very close up singing and sort of the way it was done. She killed it, really. Singing and using her voice and acting it in a way that was Oscar worthy.

[Caleb Heron]

She's not fucking around. She's not fucking around.

[Bowen Yang]

Can you tell us about the big

[Caleb Heron]

film, Double Worse Product two?

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Do you know, it's so funny, you guys, when I had kind of like sworn off auditioning for the moment, when that audition came through, I was like, I'm not really auditioning right now. I'm really tired of like going out for stuff.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

And just kind of like not really. I felt like I was self taping all the time. We all go through eras like that where it's like I'm self taping constantly. The things I end up getting are from a friend. Anyway, I just was like, I can't do it for a moment. I need some space to breathe. And then this one came through and I, I literally in my head was like, if someone asked me to put $5,000 down on if I would get it or if one of you or like Benny Skinner would get it. I almost didn't audition because I was like, this is so one of those guys. Like, I was like, they, they are good. This is like a Matt bow and Benny and I. And I did. And I taped for it anyway. And it was so fucking fun. It was so cool. And I, I. By the way, someone should put us and Benny in a movie.

[Bowen Yang]

The four of us, please. Well, we'll write it.

[Caleb Heron]

Hello.

[Bowen Yang]

Someone write down that we have to write that.

[Caleb Heron]

Remind me to write this film.

[Bowen Yang]

Can someone just write that down?

[Caleb Heron]

But it was so fun. I'm like, it was a crazy to be a part of and. And Anne is so like most. I think Disney people will tell us if I'm allowed to say this or not, but most of my stuff is with Anne in the movie and she's so phenomenal.

[Matt Rogers]

Disney adults would tell you.

[Caleb Heron]

Disney adults will let me know what I'm allowed to say it.

[Bowen Yang]

Anything's possible. They're wearing the hat. I almost wore a Mickey waffle sweater today.

[Caleb Heron]

That would have been really cute.

[Bowen Yang]

I know.

[Caleb Heron]

I. Okay. But I. So sorry. I almost got on a tangent about Mickey. Okay, so.

[Bowen Yang]

So okay.

[Matt Rogers]

You, you and Anne. Most of your stuff is with an.

[Caleb Heron]

She's so lovely.

[Bowen Yang]

Yes.

[Caleb Heron]

She's so lovely. I. I hadn't had the pleasure of meeting her until the film. Film warmest, loveliest, most energetic. Like, really made me go inward about how much energy I bring to work. Like, I was like, I need to step up. Like, if Anne Hathaway is as busy as she is and she's bringing this level of like, I think I'm a warm, energetic person. But she was bringing.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

To the point where I literally at one point was like, Ann, I just have to say, like, the level of energy you bring every day is psychotic. I do not know how you're doing it. Like, I'm so in awe. And I'm like, how do you find the energy? And she's like, I just tell myself that I have it. And I'm like, you are on another level than me. When I tell you she's going before shots, she's going into like, what's supposed to be her office and being like, hey, you guys, can we talk really quick? Like, can we collab? Like, I think this vase would be different for her. And can we move this over here? Like a true artist.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

And not in an annoying way. In a way that's like, genuinely respectful of everyone's craft. Like, knew what everyone did. Like, yeah, I just was very her and Meryl and Stan, like, all of them. Watching them work, I was just like, wow, this is really. I knew it would be cool because I'm a huge fan and I like, watch the original as like a closeted 11 year old boy in Missouri. And like, yeah, I could cry. Like, it was just so sweet and cool. But she was, she was a delight and such a true talent. It's crazy. A true pure talent. Going from like conversing like this to being like, all right and speeding and then just into it, acting like. I don't know, it feels sometimes silly to compliment people on the things that are like, yeah, they snap right into character and they knew all their lines. But it's like, she's so busy and she's operating at such a high level on and off the camera. I'm a huge fan and am very inspired by her actually.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh my God, Caleb, that's not. No, this is so worth talking about. Like, yes, we're talking about someone who's like, acclaimed at their craft, but it's like, it's important to talk to, like, kind of pop open the hood for other people and just for us, like amongst ourselves, amongst friends, it's like, oh. Because then it like gives it a reason for being. Then it like motivates, like, if we're lucky enough to like be in front of the camera again in that capacity, then like, yeah, like, you're inspiring my ass to be like, oh yeah, you can be like collaborative in that sense and like weigh in. Because I am so used to like the pecking order of the call sheet or whatever and I'm like, okay, like, I'm not, I'm not like number one here. Let me like, let everybody else make the decisions for me. But it's like, like, but no, I'm just saying, like, please talk about this stuff.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, it's really inspiring. I'm like, very. I love acting so much and getting to watch people do it at that level. And people who have like. Or look, if, if, if Anne Hathaway or Meryl Streep or Stanley Tucci wanted to be nightmares on that set, yeah, they could totally get away with it. And people do and they just opt not to. And I feel like, yeah, I just feel very inspired by that. And it makes me even more frustrated with the people. People who show up late and don't know their lines and things that I'm like, look, if Anne Hathaway can show up on time, be kind to everyone in a 20 mile radius and like genuinely give warmth and attention to everyone and know her lines and kill the performance and care. I'm like, you, we. You can do it too.

[Matt Rogers]

You can do it.

[Caleb Heron]

You know what I mean? I'm. And I'm mostly talking about men, but yeah, I just am so inspired by her work ethic. And yeah, being part of the movie too is right. Really cool.

[Matt Rogers]

So excited.

[Bowen Yang]

You know what's kind of what movie too is kind of like it feels like there's like a reassessment of it happening is interstellar. It feels like it keeps coming up. Like if, like over the past like six months or so, I keep hearing people being like, actually, have you watched that? Because it's great. And she's one of the Best parts of it where she's. She has that. I remember it's that rant when you first watch it. It's like very random where they're like banging their heads against the wall about how they figure out, like, the time space continuum or whatever. And Anne Hathaway is like the only woman in America who could tell this. But she's like, her eyes, well, with tears. She's wearing that pixie cut. And she's like, what if love is the answer? Hello? Could it be love waking up? And I'm like, on the page, I'm like, huh? And then I'm like, what? And like, I'm full sobbing. I'm like, what if it's love?

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, what if it was?

[Bowen Yang]

And then it kind of was.

[Caleb Heron]

And it was love, by the way.

[Bowen Yang]

Spoiler alert. It was love.

[Matt Rogers]

Love. He's in that little library. Yeah, I'm spoiling.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Crazy movie.

[Bowen Yang]

That's a crazy nutso. At the time, I couldn't hear it right, like, because the sound. I mean, we usually have some guys in here who like, are down to clown with Chris Nolan movies. They're not like, you're here, you are.

[Caleb Heron]

All right.

[Bowen Yang]

He doesn't really like Interstellar. He doesn't really like Nolan. No, no. I'm sure he's a fine guy. I don't like,

[Caleb Heron]

you know what you know, I can't fuck with. I watched the dinos documentary, the dinosaur documentary on Netflix recently. Did you guys see the Saw?

[Matt Rogers]

I didn't press play.

[Caleb Heron]

Wow. Don't watch it stoned. What the fuck is going on? What happened with the dinosaurs? There's a part of this documentary, it's narrated by Morgan Freeman, obviously. Incredible choice. Hope he got paid a lot. I'm sure he did. It rained for a million years at one point, I guess.

[Bowen Yang]

What?

[Caleb Heron]

So what the fuck are you talking about?

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

That is so crazy. I shouldn't know anything about that. The passage of time. Like, I literally almost had a panic attack, I was so scared. They start talking about the dinosaurs, basically. The fact that humans exist is crazy. And our lives are so small, just so you know. And the idea that it rained for a million years is going to go ahead and be something I should have never heard about.

[Bowen Yang]

And this is separate from the Ice age, which was, by the way, a whole age where it was ice.

[Caleb Heron]

Hello. And the dinosaurs, by the way, they were here then, they were now. Maybe they're birds. I'm not. Can't be involved.

[Bowen Yang]

They do say that they were likely birds.

[Matt Rogers]

They were like, well, it's just that any color we apply to them is just. Is conjecture.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Like in Jurassic park, it's like, that's not what they looked like. They might have had feathers, babe.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah. We don't know. They could have had feathers. It's really scary, but the idea that it. Oh, I'm gonna try not to cry. Cause the idea that it rained for a million years is so crazy. What do you mean by that?

[Matt Rogers]

Rained lava.

[Caleb Heron]

First of all, a million years happened, right? Let's start there.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

The documentary, first thing it's does puts up a. It puts up an Earth clock, ticks it back to 260 million years ago. That didn't happen, in my personal opinion. Do I mean that? No. Am I. I just can't process the idea that there's been 260 million years. What do you mean by that?

[Matt Rogers]

What can't you process that? Like. Like, where do you fit into?

[Caleb Heron]

Basically, like the 1400s is where everything

[Bowen Yang]

had to start for me.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, totally.

[Caleb Heron]

From on Caleb's timeline, everything started in like, the 1400s. They were speaking English, which.

[Bowen Yang]

Can you imagine being alive at that time, when you're always filthy, everyone sick, and you're probably gonna die from like a sword.

[Caleb Heron]

Right. But I understood some things. Like, I understand, like, the little hats they wore. I understood maybe some things they were saying. I get the fashion, but I'm scared of everything that happened before that and I'm scared of everything that will happen after this.

[Matt Rogers]

Yes. I think. I think it's because there's no meteor portrayal of it, of dinosaurs, of the years that was raining. You should have on like, whatever extra screen you have lying around, just put on like, Mesozoic era screensaver.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

And you should just see what the world might have looked like back then. Just there.

[Bowen Yang]

Ask Google. AI, what were the vibes during the million years of rain?

[Caleb Heron]

Give me vibes. Give me million years rain vibes.

[Matt Rogers]

Cause you've seen the 1400s on TV and in movies.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

And you can process that because you've pictured it.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

You have not pictured raining for a million years.

[Bowen Yang]

Which of course you have it because.

[Caleb Heron]

Because.

[Matt Rogers]

Because there's. Because.

[Caleb Heron]

Do you. Okay, so I guess the way you're talking right now, Bowen, it feels like. Are you guys comfortable knowing that it rained for a million years?

[Matt Rogers]

I can believe. I can believe that it happened. But the dinos documentary, it's just one. One movie. Not. Not a bunch of parts.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, it's like part. It's like a part. It's like episodic. It doesn't stress you guys out at all to like think about like. Okay, no, it stresses me out at all. You guys have been friends for 17 years, right? Imagine that. Hold on.

[Bowen Yang]

It rained. It was raining, first of all and would never stop.

[Caleb Heron]

Would never stop during the whole time you've been friends, right? And then let's say that goes on for basically another million. 17 is such a small at least

[Bowen Yang]

though then you are born into a world where it rains and you never know life where it doesn't. So actually you'd probably get pretty used to it.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah, that's a really good point. I wasn't born in the rain, so I have trouble understanding it. Scary.

[Matt Rogers]

I could only lock into stuff at if I'm stoned now if I'm watching.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, don't watch the perfect neighbor.

[Caleb Heron]

What's going on?

[Matt Rogers]

Oh, that's tough.

[Caleb Heron]

What's going on with neighbor?

[Matt Rogers]

Also Netflix. Shout Out.

[Caleb Heron]

Shout out.

[Bowen Yang]

It was an Oscar nominated documentary that I put on the other day which is. It's entirely police body cam footage that they strung together to create a narrative and it's. I can't even get into it. I didn't know what it was about and I put it on and I had been too stoned to watch that and I wasn't. I had to lay down for like three hours afterwards.

[Caleb Heron]

It was terrible. Horrifying.

[Bowen Yang]

But what's better. High on Netflix is Age of Attraction.

[Caleb Heron]

Don't know it. I thought you're gonna say Age of Adeline. I thought you were gonna say Age of Adeline.

[Bowen Yang]

Age of Adeline Stone is the best film ever.

[Caleb Heron]

What's Age of Attraction?

[Bowen Yang]

Age of Attraction is a Netflix Netflix television series that is new. Basically it's about all these singles get in the house and no one can reveal their age.

[Matt Rogers]

It's Love is blind.

[Bowen Yang]

But the one question you can't ask is how old are you? Until you make a connection. And then you go to the promise room and you put a promise ring on each other's.

[Matt Rogers]

Once you're engaged to each other, then it's like, it's basically Love is blind. You find out that you at that

[Bowen Yang]

point you're gonna move in together. And only then after you've made the commitment to move in together can you reveal your age. And it's like, you know, wouldn't you know it? Like people that you would have never guessed were 60 are like people that look 35 are really 22. And then it's about like, okay, we've just realized this person that I've been getting to know for four or five days that I thought was maybe within a 10 year age range for me, we actually have like a 33 year age difference. And what does, what does that knowledge do? And what is the dynamic? How does it change when we're living together with that knowledge? When I introduce you to family members that come in and what's great about the show is it starts like Love island where they're coming into the villa and it's like they're blown out and their makeup is perfect and, and it's like they're perfectly like, you know, airbrushed and like the filter is on. And then once they start living together, it becomes like a real docu series where it's just like, I just don't understand how can you be celibate? But last night, like, ride me and have an orgasm, just be. I just don't understand, like, why we can't go there. And she's like, if you can't understand my celibacy, then what am I even doing here? He's like, you're not celibacy bit. We, we basically. I just didn't put it in you. She's like, I can't believe you'd even say that on camera.

[Caleb Heron]

She wrote him no penetration and came. Not that it's the details.

[Matt Rogers]

No, but I, I'm confused.

[Bowen Yang]

No, but there was a moment. You have to watch it.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Like, and it's, it's crazy. It's like, it's, it's the way it devolves in from one type of reality show into another, I think is kind of a flip on the form in a way that I was appreciating. Like I, I was in. Because it was so silly. Silly and stupid. And then once that disappeared, I was just like. I couldn't believe how personal they were getting and what it was picking up. And I'm just like, wow, we're in it in a way that, like after the honeymoon phase of meeting someone, you're then in it. Yeah, but, but they, like, really, they went hard when it came to, like, you know, mapping in terms of the way they were shooting, the way that the people were feeling at the time. Like, it was good, good get high and watch it.

[Caleb Heron]

As much as I might have to, I'm really. Yeah. If for nothing else, I'm wondering if maybe you would do me the favor of sending me the timestamps of the celibacy stuff.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, but the thing is, it's so much better when you've Seen what comes before it. Like, I can't even describe to you that, like, the way that they're filmed and, like, it goes from Full Love Island. You tried to watch it.

[Matt Rogers]

I tried, but I've not gone to, like, the look and feel shift.

[Bowen Yang]

You felt it had, like, a little bit ick.

[Matt Rogers]

I was just like, I. This is not, like, grabbed me because I think you need to wait for the actual reveals where you're like, oh, even I, as a viewer thought this person was 40 years, you know, older or younger or whatever. Yeah, I mean, like, I. Yeah, I guess I should give it a.

[Bowen Yang]

The biggest age difference is 33 years, and there's another one that's 27 years. And, like, you really can't. Like, you're blown away when you find out that's what it is.

[Caleb Heron]

I don't believe it.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

Mean it. You're really blown away.

[Bowen Yang]

Twice I was blown away. Twice I was blown away. The rest I was like, okay, yeah, I knew that. I saw this coming.

[Caleb Heron]

See, because I have the gay guy skill of, like, you know how they can age trees with rings?

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

I can do that with torsos now because of being on Grindr since I was 17 years old. Like, if I just see a torso, I'm like, 43.

[Matt Rogers]

Oh, my God, that's amazing.

[Bowen Yang]

You know how you can tell?

[Matt Rogers]

We need to get the list of. We need to give a list of gay powers.

[Caleb Heron]

We need to.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, there's a list of gay powers. Have you heard of this? No.

[Matt Rogers]

So it's like. It's like any gay, gay power, gay man has, like, six of these, like, 80 gay powers.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, maybe I have the list of

[Matt Rogers]

math, map, reading, telling aging men based on their torsos. Like, you know, torso aging.

[Bowen Yang]

So I don't have the list of gay powers, but the gay thing I do have is my Ariana Grande tour set list that I made when I was high on the plane. And I said this to Bowen. I said, ariana set list. My version spelled with a B, so it says my version with a heart. Hello. And I think it's perfect.

[Caleb Heron]

I really believe you.

[Matt Rogers]

His encores were insane. Didn't make any sense.

[Bowen Yang]

This is my Ariana Grande concert intro. End of the world short version into yes and into Be all right into True Story into Supernatural. Then she takes a break because she deserves it. Then we go back into the past. Breathe in one last time, Ari. Think about it. Dangerous woman. Take a little bit of a break. Yes. It's time to honor positions. You're building a new expert positions 34, 35 and POV after POV we have a beautiful montage and an eternal sunshine montage into the song. Eternal sunshine Twilight sign Twilight zone no tears left to cry Break this is when we're being a slut into youo break up with your girlfriend the boy is mine seven rings we need a break. It's wicked time popular into every different show there's a different musical theater cover into Think about it Ariana the way Break God is a woman Break free. Thank you. Next down. Encore is imperfect for you and we

[Matt Rogers]

can't be friends we can't be friends as the encore works imperfect for you

[Bowen Yang]

doesn't make sense I think is awesome

[Matt Rogers]

of course I love music different musical theaters song every I think I think

[Bowen Yang]

we'll see something like that could be

[Caleb Heron]

fun I think we'll see something like

[Bowen Yang]

that Thrown on a plane so high on the plane addictive this I could have done real work. This is what I did.

[Caleb Heron]

Your team pinging you left and right. Need to hear back. XYZ need to hear.

[Bowen Yang]

Can you check your docu sign? I'm like I'm busy with my birthday version.

[Caleb Heron]

Please do dot loop. Please sign sign sign

[Bowen Yang]

on ebay, every find has a story.

[Matt Rogers]

Like if you're looking for a vintage band tea, not just a T. The

[Bowen Yang]

band tee from the last show your favorite band ever played.

[Matt Rogers]

He wore it everywhere. Then your boyfriend started wearing it, which

[Bowen Yang]

was cute until he dumped you and

[Matt Rogers]

took it with him, which was not so cute.

[Bowen Yang]

But he was. I miss him. Anyway, now you're on ebay.

[Matt Rogers]

And there it is. Same tea from the same tour, still living in your memory. Rent free forever.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, screw you, Dave.

[Matt Rogers]

The things you love have a way of finding their way back to you.

[Bowen Yang]

Except Dave.

[Matt Rogers]

But ebay isn't just forgetting whatever your X X BFF stole back.

[Bowen Yang]

We miss you. It's also for that rare championship foul ball that you caught, then heroically gave to the kid next to you. You're welcome. Scoot.

[Matt Rogers]

And where else are you gonna find your first car? A RAV4 from 2003.

[Bowen Yang]

The one you wish you never sold. But now, finally, chance to take back home.

[Matt Rogers]

I'm buying a car on ebay. For good this time.

[Bowen Yang]

Shop ebay for millions of finds, each with a story. EBay. Things people love.

[Matt Rogers]

That's a good tagline.

[Sponsor Voice]

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[Matt Rogers]

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[Bowen Yang]

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[Bowen Yang]

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[Matt Rogers]

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[Bowen Yang]

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[Matt Rogers]

Huge thanks again to our sponsor, Vital proteins.

[Bowen Yang]

These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Disease. It may be time.

[Matt Rogers]

It's time.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay? It's time for. I don't think so, honey. This is that segment we do.

[Caleb Heron]

Oh, my gosh. Okay.

[Bowen Yang]

Yes, it's time. And so this is. We put one minute on the clock and we. We sort of shred. You know what I mean? This. This mic has been drooping the whole time. I. I don't. I think it's not worth it to fix it now. But I do just want to say I think it's probably okay, right? I sound okay? All right. That's a little BTS for y' all at home.

[Matt Rogers]

You have something?

[Bowen Yang]

Yes, I do. I do have something.

[Matt Rogers]

Okay. This is Matt Ryan. I don't think so. Many times. Starts now.

[Bowen Yang]

I don't think so, honey. You asking me if I talked about you in therapy? Oh, this is none of your business. I don't. And the thing is, like, be prepared for the answer. You know what I mean? Because you might ask, did I come up in therapy? And I might be like, yeah. And then you might be like, oh. And then either you're going to ask me what happened, I probably won't say, but you're going to intuit that it probably wasn't girl great or that you were a long discussion, or you're going to be like, oh, cool. And then you're going to spin out for hours about how you came up in therapy, and I don't think so, honey, that I'm going to tell you. So you're going to be alone with that spinning. Also, like true narcissism reveal to ask, did I come up in therapy? Even as a joke. My therapy is my therapy. Your therapy should be Your therapy. I'll never ask if I came up in your therapy, but, like. And I just feel like at. At this point, it's like, what happens between me and Stacy is between me and Stacy, and you have to respect that relationship, and it's one that I've built over time. We have our thing. You stay at home. If you're asking, you probably are in my therapy.

[Matt Rogers]

And that's one minute.

[Bowen Yang]

Wow.

[Caleb Heron]

Beautiful. I liked that.

[Bowen Yang]

Thank you. I just. It's. It's happened a couple times, and I'm like, do you want the answer?

[Caleb Heron]

I don't think they do.

[Matt Rogers]

I don't think they do.

[Caleb Heron]

I don't think they do.

[Matt Rogers]

A guy

[Caleb Heron]

has been.

[Bowen Yang]

Three people have brought this up to me. Have I come up in therapy?

[Matt Rogers]

I. I haven't asked you that question, have I? Okay, great.

[Bowen Yang]

I don't think you've asked me. Did. You wouldn't have asked me.

[Matt Rogers]

Did I come up in therapy?

[Bowen Yang]

Because it's like, you do come up once a session.

[Matt Rogers]

Sure, sure, sure. But it's like. It's the equivalent of, like, lurking on, like, a message board or, like, searching your own name.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah. It's like, you don't want to know.

[Matt Rogers]

I actually don't want to know.

[Caleb Heron]

It's better for you to not ask, and it's better for me to not tell. Just stay out of it.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, I just. It's my business. My version.

[Matt Rogers]

My version.

[Bowen Yang]

By the way, when I say you come up in therapy, it's just because you're a constant in my life, so you're always. You're always there.

[Matt Rogers]

Can you see that? I did not inquire further. I just.

[Bowen Yang]

And those are boundaries.

[Matt Rogers]

Yep.

[Bowen Yang]

My version. My bestie. My boundaries.

[Caleb Heron]

Boundaries. My version.

[Bowen Yang]

Boundaries. My version. Taylor's version. Anyways. Okay. Are you ready?

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay.

[Matt Rogers]

It's actually. It's actually pertinent to this thing we were discussing earlier.

[Bowen Yang]

This is Bowen Yang's. I don't think so, honey. His time starts now.

[Matt Rogers]

I don't think so, honey. Q. Tips aren't supposed to go in your ears. They keep telling us this, and yet no amount of pr. Of messaging, of whatever.

[Bowen Yang]

It's too late. Yeah, they're in there.

[Matt Rogers]

The bell has been rung. We cannot unring the bell. You're never going to win big, Cotton. I'm so sorry. It's a.

[Caleb Heron]

Okay.

[Matt Rogers]

This is what happens when it's done. I don't know who released Pandora from the box, but this is all we're gonna do with qt. We're not gonna clean our Keyboards with this. We're not gonna make crafts with this. We are going to stick this in our ear, whether it's good for us or not. And honey, it's the only thing that's digging these little. Is hitting these veins to get that ore out of my canals. Q tips. There's a. There's no point. It's fruitless.

[Bowen Yang]

It's futile.

[Matt Rogers]

Let us do it. Stop it with these, because then you're gonna get me angry. Cause I don't like being told what I'm not supposed to do. Cause guess what? I'm gonna be doing it.

[Bowen Yang]

And that's one minute. Bowen hates being told what to and not to stick in any of the stuff.

[Matt Rogers]

So tell me what to or not to.

[Bowen Yang]

Don't tell me what goes where.

[Caleb Heron]

I'll put shit where I need to put shit.

[Bowen Yang]

Exactly. And the thing is, like, you're right. It is the only way to really get in there. Get in there and get it out of there.

[Matt Rogers]

I'll do a pencil every now and then.

[Caleb Heron]

Oh, goodness.

[Bowen Yang]

A pencil.

[Matt Rogers]

A pencil.

[Caleb Heron]

Like the eraser side, of course. Pardon.

[Matt Rogers]

I need a fine point.

[Bowen Yang]

You're. You are doing a scantron in your ears, Bowen.

[Caleb Heron]

That's really bad. I want you to go back to cute now. I'm definitely like. If you didn't like his. I don't think so, honey. Now have the context that without the Q tip, it's a pencil.

[Matt Rogers]

It's a pencil.

[Caleb Heron]

Sharp side in.

[Matt Rogers]

There's lead. There's lead in there.

[Bowen Yang]

It's also crazy as a noted fan of the tattoo television series Girls, that you would shove anything in there that could perforate an eardrum. Nothing smaller than an elbow. Nothing.

[Matt Rogers]

What?

[Caleb Heron]

That's what she says.

[Bowen Yang]

Nothing smaller than an elbow.

[Caleb Heron]

Nothing smaller than an elbow in there. Becky Ann Baker. Hello.

[Bowen Yang]

Great star.

[Caleb Heron]

Love her.

[Matt Rogers]

Wonderful.

[Bowen Yang]

A great star.

[Matt Rogers]

Okay. Well, that was me.

[Caleb Heron]

Okay, my turn.

[Bowen Yang]

Are you ready?

[Caleb Heron]

Okay. I think so. Okay.

[Bowen Yang]

Okay. Well, this is the moment people have been waiting for. This is Caleb Herons. I don't think so, honey. His time starts now.

[Caleb Heron]

I don't think so, honey. Innovation. Where innovation is not needed.

[Matt Rogers]

No.

[Bowen Yang]

Enough.

[Caleb Heron]

We have done too much. There are so many things that we already know about. I'm going to start off by saying car door handles.

[Matt Rogers]

Y.

[Caleb Heron]

We figured that out in the 1960s.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, my God.

[Caleb Heron]

In the 1960s. It is a little thing that you pull that opens the goddamn door.

[Bowen Yang]

I've had it.

[Caleb Heron]

Why is it a button now? Why is the button hidden? I have to rub my hand around the entire frame. Of the door to find the button Y. I have to knock on the door three times and answer a troll's riddle to get out of the vehicle. No more new car handles.

[Bowen Yang]

30 seconds.

[Caleb Heron]

What else? Diet Coke. It was working when I asked the restaurant if they have a Diet Coke and they say we actually have a housemade, artisanal Italian. We all have something else and it's a problem. I want Diet Coke at the restaurant. We are innovating things at. The BlackBerry should have been where we stopped with phones. Why are we on iPhone 17? The BlackBerry was a perfect phone and we ruined it. Planes are getting smaller. Why? You guys already figured out how to make maximum money for us and make us more uncomfortable. The overhead bin should get bigger. The seats get bigger. Bigger. Stop innovating. Things that do not need to be innovated. Thank you.

[Bowen Yang]

And that's one minute. And it is at this point that I will say first, this is a. We needed to talk about this. And I want to talk about hotel lights.

[Caleb Heron]

Hello. Oh, my God.

[Bowen Yang]

It's not the first time it's come up.

[Caleb Heron]

You need to put your key in there for it to work. You need.

[Bowen Yang]

Forget it.

[Caleb Heron]

Oh, I'm so sick of it. Hotel lights. What was the other one?

[Bowen Yang]

I was thinking of toilets everywhere.

[Caleb Heron]

Toilets. What's going on with toilets?

[Bowen Yang]

They will stop innovating because you want to know what everywhere does self flush now? And they. They're like, oh, well, just hit the button. The buttons are getting smaller and they're hiding them at different points on the toilet.

[Caleb Heron]

Yes. They're. They're guys. They're putting out new toothbrushes every day. We've certainly figured it out.

[Matt Rogers]

Figure it out.

[Caleb Heron]

We have figured it out. There are things that we just figured out. No new car. The now. If you want to put the car in drive, you don't pull it. You just turn like a LED knob.

[Bowen Yang]

No, stop.

[Matt Rogers]

They're even coming for our shit with the glasses.

[Caleb Heron]

Hello.

[Matt Rogers]

Don't innovate on the glasses.

[Bowen Yang]

What's happening with that?

[Matt Rogers]

The fucking Ray Ban Metas.

[Caleb Heron]

Yes.

[Matt Rogers]

Nobody ever wear that in front of me.

[Caleb Heron]

Yes.

[Bowen Yang]

Ever, ever, ever.

[Caleb Heron]

Using AI to, like, respond to emails.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, forget it. You go clickety class.

[Caleb Heron]

$85,000 a year to respond to emails. The least you can do is fucking hit the keys, bitch.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

I have had it with the end the of innovations. Knock it off.

[Matt Rogers]

Knock it off.

[Caleb Heron]

No offense to anyone who's using. I just.

[Bowen Yang]

No offense to any. Anyone who's an innovator. Anyone who identifies as an innovator. No Offense to you, but just direct

[Matt Rogers]

it at the right thing.

[Caleb Heron]

10 years, 10 year gap on innovations. That's what I'm asking for.

[Bowen Yang]

I truly agree. And there was another one. Oh, with email. I hate seeing at the bottom of Gmail the suggested responses.

[Matt Rogers]

Never makes any sense.

[Bowen Yang]

No, I'm telling you, sometimes it'll be like, well, that's a perfect response. And I'll. And that's a. That's a perfectly lovely response or a good response to this email. And then I actually think about clicking it. I'm like, no, can I. Based on principle, I'm not using your answer.

[Caleb Heron]

I auto populated one on accident recently. Cuz you know how Gmail now would just like if you accidentally hit tab, it'll like type it out for you. It typed out scarily exactly what I would have said. Like lowercase, like hey y', all, dash that like it is my exact email voice. It typed it out for me word for word what I needed to respond. I deleted it and retyped it. Yeah, I mean, I'm not doing it. No, I'm not doing it. It's scary to me.

[Matt Rogers]

And I hate your version of marching into the Oklahoma City Hall.

[Caleb Heron]

Yes, it knows me.

[Matt Rogers]

I will say, Caleb, you have gorgeous Asian eyes.

[Caleb Heron]

You know what, Bowen, thank you for saying that. That is so beautiful and special.

[Matt Rogers]

You have a gorgeous lash length on a beautiful brown almond adjacent.

[Caleb Heron]

I. People often think that I am not white. And I'm not going to lie to you about that. Sometimes people think I'm Pacific Islander, sometimes they think I'm Hispanic.

[Matt Rogers]

Why would you lie about that?

[Caleb Heron]

I would never lie about that. And that's what I'm telling you. Sometimes you guys, people think I'm not white. And every time I receive it as a beautiful compliment and really don't know what to say after I say, unfortunately, I'm just white. Of course I think being white is an embarrassment. It's one of the worst things that's ever happened to me. And also we can't deny there are privileges.

[Bowen Yang]

No, that's all you have to do.

[Caleb Heron]

You guys want to unpack White privilege.

[Bowen Yang]

I was thinking today was the.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah, it's time we did that. Anyway, that's for next time Caleb comes on.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah. You will return. And also we should do dinner.

[Matt Rogers]

Let's do dinner.

[Caleb Heron]

Let's do dinner.

[Bowen Yang]

I actually don't know why I thought you were an LA person.

[Caleb Heron]

Well, I used to be.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, you were.

[Caleb Heron]

But now I am a New York person. Okay, well, we can eat dinner whenever we'd like here.

[Matt Rogers]

We go, we're going to the fly look out restaurants.

[Bowen Yang]

A real jerk is coming through.

[Caleb Heron]

3.

[Bowen Yang]

Three real jerks are coming in huge. Oh, my God. We leave, we get a terrible reputation. We were only lovely.

[Caleb Heron]

Oh, that'd be fun though.

[Bowen Yang]

Oh, be kind of fun. Cuz at least we would know the truth.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah.

[Caleb Heron]

That's how I always feel.

[Bowen Yang]

Yeah, I know the truth.

[Caleb Heron]

When I hear rumors about us and I always am, I go, I know the truth.

[Bowen Yang]

Well, at least I know the truth. The truth of this episode was that it was a blast. And you got to listen to so true. You got to watch the special. You got to watch devil. Worst Pru DWP to be to be promoting Devil Wears Pratta 2. Just congrats.

[Caleb Heron]

Also funny for me to be promoting, it's like, I think they've got it covered.

[Bowen Yang]

I don't know.

[Matt Rogers]

I look at that cast list and I'm like, yeah, sure. Lady Gaga. Yeah, sure. Rachel Bloom, Caleb Heron.

[Caleb Heron]

Hey. Hey.

[Bowen Yang]

We knew who we wanted on the show.

[Caleb Heron]

Thank you guys for having me.

[Bowen Yang]

We love you. We end every episode with with a song. Wide open spaces Room to make a big mistake. She needs needs new faces. She knows the highest stakes Know the highest stakes.

[Matt Rogers]

For more of that, listen to the album and song Wide Open Spaces by the Chicks.

[Bowen Yang]

Bye.

[Caleb Heron]

Yeah.

[Matt Rogers]

Go. Las Culturistas is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio podcasts,

[Bowen Yang]

created and hosted by Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, executive produced by Anna Hosnier

[Matt Rogers]

and produced by decaramos, edited and mixed by Doug Behm.

[Bowen Yang]

And our music is by Henry Komirsky.

[Matt Rogers]

Imagine never buying gas again. EVs are as easy to charge as your phone and perfect for everyday life.

[Bowen Yang]

Drive daily with confidence everywhere you go. Most Americans drive 40 miles a day. Did you know that most EVs are equipped with 200 to 400 miles of range?

[Matt Rogers]

Here's the thing. They've got fewer parts, fewer repairs, and fewer headaches.

[Bowen Yang]

With hundreds new and used EV models available today, there's an EV to fit every lifestyle and every budget. The way forward is electric. Learn [e-mail] you can't spell culturistas without R I.

[Matt Rogers]

That's right. Rhode island is the perfect place not just for the culturistas of the world, but all the other Easters too.

[Bowen Yang]

We're talking about the food Easters, the theater east as the nature eastas the luxuries does. Whatever you're in Easter for, you'll find it in the Ocean State.

[Matt Rogers]

So start packing and be the best Easter you can be.

[Bowen Yang]

Rhode island all that.

[Matt Rogers]

Plan your trip at visit rhode island.com

[Bowen Yang]

that's visit rhode island.com sometimes the butt goes through a lot. When the butt speaks, we listen.

[Matt Rogers]

Preparation Age is the butt care expert known for helping people care for their hemorrhoids with confidence. Medicated wipes to help keep things calm, cool and collected.

[Bowen Yang]

The rapid relief spray provides fast relief from itching, burning and swelling.

[Matt Rogers]

There's also a multi symptom relief cream when broader support is needed. Preparation Age treats the issue rather than just masking it. No shame here, only solutions.

[Bowen Yang]

So if a butt has been begging for a little kindness, wipe and treat for better relief with the number one doctor recommended brand Preparation Horror.

[Caleb Heron]

You thought this was your Run Club era. Turns out it was more of a thinking about Run Club era.

[Matt Rogers]

The good news? Someone's marathon training is about to start. Sell your workout gear on Depop.

[Caleb Heron]

Just snap a few photos and we'll

[Matt Rogers]

take care of the rest. They get their race day fit and

[Caleb Heron]

you get a payout for trying. Someone on Depop wants what you've got.

[Matt Rogers]

Start selling now.

[Caleb Heron]

Depop where taste recognizes taste.

[Matt Rogers]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Caleb Heron]

Guaranteed Human.