
Loading summary
Matt Rogers
This is an iHeart podcast.
Podcast Announcer
Guaranteed Human.
Bowen Yang
This episode is brought to you by Skinny Pop. Snack time doesn't usually get scheduled. It sort of just appears mid conversation, mid episode, mid whatever is happening. That's where Skinny Pop comes in. Skinny Pop works because it keeps things simple, made from just three simple ingredients. And that simplicity really works for a snack that's meant to fit the moment, not take it over. Snack time shouldn't be complicated. You keep it light, airy, and endlessly delicious with Skinny Pop. Cup after cup of salty satisfaction. Deliciously popped, perfectly salted. Skinny Pop. Popular for a reason. Oh, hear that?
Matt Rogers
That's the Spam brand singing you a love song.
Bowen Yang
Spam, sizzle, pork and mmm.
Sponsor Voice
At vrbo, we understand that even the best of plans sometimes need a little support. So we plan for the plot twists. Every booking is automatically backed by our VRBO care guarantee, giving you confidence from the very start. Whenever you need help, it's ready before your stay, through the moments in between and after your trip. Because a great trip starts with peace of mind and maybe a good playlist, but we've got the peace of mind part covered.
Bowen Yang
Look, man.
Lea Michele
Where?
Bowen Yang
Oh, I see my eye. Oh, my. Bowen, look over there.
Jonathan Groff
Wow.
Lea Michele
Is that culture? Yes. Goodness.
Bowen Yang
Wow. Las Culturistas. Ding dong dong.
Lea Michele
Las cultist.
Bowen Yang
Las Culturistas calling. I actually came in today thinking, who is going to do the ding and dong? Are they going to take that from us?
Lea Michele
You never know. They're actually respecting the structure, the decorum of this hallowed space.
Bowen Yang
What are you saying? Because they can hear you. I can't.
Jonathan Groff
I'm doing subliminal messages to your audience. Y' all keep doing what you do.
Lea Michele
Honey, what's superliminal? Us.
Bowen Yang
We are.
Lea Michele
We have the mics.
Jonathan Groff
Satan is your king.
Bowen Yang
We heard that.
Lea Michele
We heard that.
Bowen Yang
And we just want to say. You can say that as loud as heck.
Matt Rogers
Listen to me. Why you whisper that you can still
Jonathan Groff
listen to Sabrina Carpenter, but listen to Bjork even more?
Bowen Yang
Excuse me, Sabrina R. Carpenter. Is the devil's music down? Yeah.
Lea Michele
Have you heard the new Madonna track,
Jonathan Groff
Venmo 69 cents to Josh Ivan Sharp?
Bowen Yang
What do you need that type of money for?
Jonathan Groff
If I get $150, I will buy Fuegos. They're dance shoes I want for line dancing.
Lea Michele
Oh, my God. You love Fuegos.
Jonathan Groff
Ding dong. Las culturistas calling.
Bowen Yang
Great. Host it.
Lea Michele
Host it. Go.
Jonathan Groff
Hello, I'm Jonathan Groff. Ding dong. Las culturistas calling. I'm joined with, of course, Lea Michele.
Matt Rogers
Hello. Hello.
Jonathan Groff
We know each other from the way back.
Lea Michele
Ye.
Bowen Yang
When did y' all meet?
Matt Rogers
We met doing Spring Awakening off Broadway. Yes.
Bowen Yang
Stop it.
Lea Michele
Yes.
Bowen Yang
Well, then it made the famous leap
Jonathan Groff
to Broadway one of the more famous leaps.
Lea Michele
Now, what did you think of the time that you guys were trying to get into the Tonys while Bowen Yang and Matt Whitaker were also had run to the bathroom, and we were all. The four of us were all stuck outside the Tonys doors.
Jonathan Groff
Oh, we loved that. Oh, we loved it.
Bowen Yang
Y' all remember that?
Jonathan Groff
Always. We talk about it daily.
Matt Rogers
I want a Tony.
Bowen Yang
You just might get one, girl.
Matt Rogers
It might be my year.
Bowen Yang
It might be your year for Chad.
Jonathan Groff
Is Marla gonna win a Tony?
Lea Michele
Oh, I hope so.
Jonathan Groff
I hope so.
Matt Rogers
That would be so funny.
Lea Michele
God, she deserves it.
Matt Rogers
That would be so funny.
Bowen Yang
You think it will be funny?
Matt Rogers
Yes, I think everything.
Lea Michele
I think it would be beautiful.
Matt Rogers
I think everything Marlon Mandel does is funny, especially winning awards.
Bowen Yang
It would be hilarious. See Titanique.
Matt Rogers
See Titanique on Broadway for yourself.
Bowen Yang
The quality and caliber of that performance, I think we can call it Tony worthy.
Matt Rogers
It's incred. We went to opening.
Lea Michele
Yes.
Matt Rogers
And we were on, like, the third row. And we laughed really hard at this joke. Everybody loves semen except lesbians. And we laughed really hard. And Marla pointed at us and went, oh, lesbians. And then she clocked it was me,
Bowen Yang
Josh, and went, oh, hi, Lightning knives.
Matt Rogers
But she was like, I literally thought you were lesbian.
Jonathan Groff
In her defense, we were dressed like lesbians.
Matt Rogers
I was wearing, like, a silk chain.
Bowen Yang
Like this.
Lea Michele
Like this.
Jonathan Groff
And I had a lesbian hat. A big, wide, brimmed hat.
Matt Rogers
Yeah.
Lea Michele
Now, this is actually a huge, historic moment for the two of you, because I feel like you have not had this kind of hair sort of synchronicity in years.
Matt Rogers
In a long time, I guess. Are you technically longer? I don't know. Maybe I'm.
Bowen Yang
You're longer.
Lea Michele
You're both flirting with broccoli. Cut. You both have gorgeous bangs.
Jonathan Groff
Mod.
Lea Michele
Mod. Mod for show.
Jonathan Groff
Mod down.
Bowen Yang
The Mod Squad here.
Matt Rogers
The Mod Squad.
Jonathan Groff
I grew out.
Matt Rogers
I grew out a short haircut into a shag. And then I decided to commit to the shag.
Bowen Yang
Mm.
Matt Rogers
Commit to shag for spring. But now it's. Well, no, it's still spring. It's for quite some time.
Bowen Yang
Speaking of committing to shag for spring, it must be a little warmer than it just was, because today I was walking around and bodies, bodies, bodies of the film.
Matt Rogers
What did Ryan Jones friend call it? The Scanquinox.
Bowen Yang
It must be the Scanquinox today, because I Saw some of the sluttiest men, straight, gay, and otherwise.
Matt Rogers
The day where everyone decides, like, now I will wear my slutty summer.
Jonathan Groff
Don't forget I'm wearing a jockstrap right now.
Matt Rogers
Oh, yeah, me too.
Lea Michele
I didn't forget.
Bowen Yang
He showed us.
Jonathan Groff
Would you like to see my ass again?
Lea Michele
Come on.
Bowen Yang
We can do that for them.
Jonathan Groff
It's for their reaction.
Bowen Yang
A lot of them went running. A lot of this. This is gonna show us your ass.
Lea Michele
Oh, you're not gonna point it to camera? Okay, okay, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.
Bowen Yang
Go on. In a way that would suggest. That's the first time I think we've been shown whole on.
Lea Michele
That can't be true.
Matt Rogers
Nicole Kidman didn't show.
Jonathan Groff
Paulson didn't show Hole.
Bowen Yang
They were dying, too, the whole time, and we're like, can I show Hole?
Jonathan Groff
We're Paulson.
Matt Rogers
I'm also wearing a jockstrap because we're gonna go to the Jockstrap Happy Hour after this.
Jonathan Groff
You know what's fascinating? Cause Sam Taggart is doing a podcast in this very building right now.
Matt Rogers
Bleep that out.
Jonathan Groff
Bleep that out. Bleep this whole episode out. Also going to Jockstrap Happy Hour. That's very. You know, the cinematic universes will. I know true heads could listen to both episodes, knowing they're leading towards.
Lea Michele
Do you think he's talking about it on his app?
Matt Rogers
We should text him and say, please mention.
Jonathan Groff
Please speak on it.
Bowen Yang
So I love it.
Jonathan Groff
Text him, speak on it.
Bowen Yang
Is George gonna go to jock strap night, too? Or do married men not really do that? Well, y' all are married.
Matt Rogers
Y' all are married.
Jonathan Groff
Yeah, he has a lack of will to go to jockstrap.
Bowen Yang
Whoa, hold on a second. We're the only ones not married.
Matt Rogers
Aren't you married?
Jonathan Groff
I'm not married.
Bowen Yang
Yeah, but come on.
Jonathan Groff
Yeah, true.
Bowen Yang
Commonly, I'm not married.
Jonathan Groff
That's not what I heard.
Bowen Yang
Oh, yeah? What'd you hear about me?
Matt Rogers
That you're married.
Jonathan Groff
That you're married.
Bowen Yang
Where'd you hear this?
Jonathan Groff
To a beautiful woman.
Matt Rogers
I heard it from Page Six. Page Six reports the front page of Page Six.
Bowen Yang
Who's my wife? Tell me.
Matt Rogers
Diana Vice.
Jonathan Groff
Diana Vice. And y' all are very happy together according to page one of Page Six.
Bowen Yang
By the way, a lot of you think that my wife, Diana Vice, spells her name like Rachel Weisz. No, no, it's Diana Vice. Like Miami Vice.
Matt Rogers
Yes.
Bowen Yang
Miami was actually her great aunt.
Lea Michele
Oh, yes.
Bowen Yang
Yeah, the whole thing.
Matt Rogers
Miami is such a gorgeous name.
Lea Michele
And they named the show after her.
Bowen Yang
Yeah. Well, they said she's such a beautiful baby. She.
Jonathan Groff
Would you say Lauren?
Bowen Yang
Oh, I thought, yeah.
Jonathan Groff
What a beautiful.
Bowen Yang
See, what happened was you said born and I heard Lauren because I'm in the entertainment industry.
Matt Rogers
Wait, we're not really Lea. Michelle and Jonathan Groff.
Bowen Yang
Sorry, Rose Byrne. Or do you want to be Rose Byrne and Kelli o'?
Lea Michele
Hara?
Matt Rogers
I think we're Rose Byrne and Kelly o'.
Jonathan Groff
Hara.
Matt Rogers
But which is which? That's fascinating.
Lea Michele
Interesting. Kelly.
Matt Rogers
Yeah, I'm a soprano. I'm a famous.
Bowen Yang
Kelly o' Hara and Rose Byrne. The husband of Miami Vice. Yes. Diana Weiss, rather.
Matt Rogers
Diana Vice. Miami Weiss is her mother.
Bowen Yang
I guess. I guess step. Step, nephew.
Lea Michele
Step nephew of Diana Weisz. Something like that.
Bowen Yang
Oh.
Lea Michele
Nephew in law.
Bowen Yang
Nephew in law.
Lea Michele
Nephew in law.
Matt Rogers
Nephew in law.
Bowen Yang
You are, ma'.
Jonathan Groff
Am.
Lea Michele
I am Lea Michele.
Bowen Yang
You're the real Lea Michele.
Jonathan Groff
Neighborhood of the traveling Lea Michele. Everyone will play her part.
Lea Michele
I want to Tony.
Bowen Yang
What did you say? I wanted Tony.
Matt Rogers
I want a Tony can.
Bowen Yang
I was her, I'd want one too.
Jonathan Groff
Me too.
Bowen Yang
And she should have one. I'd say, you know what? Quite frankly, I'd say, give me one now.
Jonathan Groff
Give me that thing called her. I would want one totally.
Lea Michele
And would you say was that first
Jonathan Groff
person if I wasn't her? I would want one.
Matt Rogers
You're a drama desk nominee.
Jonathan Groff
I'm a drama desk nominee.
Lea Michele
Congratulations.
Bowen Yang
And by the way, we'll know now if we're Tony nominees.
Lea Michele
That's right.
Bowen Yang
Because we're gonna find out who Sam is.
Jonathan Groff
Your producer's on titan.
Matt Rogers
Time is so interesting.
Jonathan Groff
You both do younger brother in ragtime.
Matt Rogers
Yes.
Bowen Yang
Ben Levi Ross. Well, when Ben Levi Ross do it, we both do it.
Matt Rogers
You're. You're off. Off stage, theater, off site, swings.
Lea Michele
Yes.
Jonathan Groff
One of you is the back half and one's the front half. Right. And you get in that Ben Levi Ross. Com.
Bowen Yang
You're the little half of Ben Levi Ross and I'm the face part of Ben Lee.
Jonathan Groff
Vai Ross.
Lea Michele
Gorgeous face that can sing.
Bowen Yang
I'm the face and throat of Ben Levi Ross. Yes.
Jonathan Groff
And you're that thick, round ass.
Lea Michele
I wish you were here.
Matt Rogers
See the connector.
Lea Michele
I did not. Oh, yes, I did see the connector. He can sing wonderful.
Bowen Yang
Well, I heard his, like, original music.
Matt Rogers
Great.
Jonathan Groff
Crazy boy chick.
Matt Rogers
Boy chick is maybe dead.
Jonathan Groff
Or is boy chick? I don't know.
Lea Michele
Boy chick is maybe on pause.
Matt Rogers
Let's pause.
Jonathan Groff
Too gay. Boy chick.
Matt Rogers
Pause.
Jonathan Groff
Too gay.
Matt Rogers
Yes. Very huge.
Bowen Yang
Are you the music industry?
Jonathan Groff
Yes.
Bowen Yang
Yes. Pause, pause. Too gay.
Jonathan Groff
First name, music, last name, industry.
Bowen Yang
We learned our lesson with that Troy Sivan. Things can get a little too gay. Suddenly all these musicians are gonna be sniffing pumpers.
Jonathan Groff
Hey, come back when you're a girl.
Matt Rogers
Yeah, be like one of your girls.
Bowen Yang
Exactly.
Jonathan Groff
Come back when you're a girl.
Lea Michele
You look pretty good.
Bowen Yang
Resemble him as that girl in weird girl songs.
Matt Rogers
When I'm in drag.
Lea Michele
Yeah. You have a long, gorgeous, blown out wig the way that Troy does in that video.
Matt Rogers
No. Did you see the poster I made for my show? Well, yes, that's where I was giving Kant now.
Lea Michele
We were out to dinner with Jo Firestone last night and she did tell us that you were quoted as saying, I've been in movies, I've written movies, I've been on tv.
Matt Rogers
Yes.
Lea Michele
The thing that I've gotten the most positive feedback on is the poster for my show.
Matt Rogers
Weird girl songs. And usually on stage. You're slightly hyperbolic. I'm not being.
Lea Michele
Talk about the numbers.
Matt Rogers
People want me. Trans is what it's. The DMs were like, you're a woman. I like it better.
Bowen Yang
We like this better.
Matt Rogers
This is.
Lea Michele
That's how trans works. Yeah.
Jonathan Groff
You're a woman. We like it.
Bowen Yang
Positive reinforcement. No, it was the community coming together. Say yes, girl.
Matt Rogers
People like either being like, you're really pretty, oh, this is so pretty. Or people being like horny dms in a way I've never received. I'm like something they like.
Bowen Yang
Horny DMs like you've never seen.
Matt Rogers
And I'm telling you, people were horny
Jonathan Groff
for me as a girl, I don't like saying, so what?
Bowen Yang
You were sent a picture of a body part you hadn't seen before?
Matt Rogers
I'd never seen before.
Bowen Yang
You hadn't you put your goddamn sexual microscope out the way you are always Sexual microscope.
Jonathan Groff
Would you say the response was such that people were spreading cheeks, showing hole at I heart?
Matt Rogers
That kind of response, I've never gotten that kind of positive response. Time to do it again, I think.
Bowen Yang
I think you do it one more
Lea Michele
time for your friend Aaron.
Bowen Yang
I think show hole at I heart is title of show hole at I heart.
Jonathan Groff
Show hole at I heart.
Matt Rogers
That's really good.
Lea Michele
This is a stradio lab theory that Sam and George have put up, which is Lizzo's past, which is you. You are. You are an artist such as Lizzo. And you arrive at a crossroads and the.
Jonathan Groff
And it's pitchfork.
Lea Michele
And it's. And you only have two choices. It's target or pitchfork.
Jonathan Groff
Wait, what is the other choice? I was calling it pitchfork. Do they have a nomenclature pitchfork. Literally.
Lea Michele
Yeah.
Matt Rogers
Oh, that's.
Jonathan Groff
I guessed it correct.
Bowen Yang
Imagine you're Pocahontas in a responsible way.
Matt Rogers
We were talking about Pocahontas.
Lea Michele
We were talking about Pocahontas.
Bowen Yang
Well, of course. Aren't you a gay guy in the year 2026?
Matt Rogers
Thank you, icon.
Bowen Yang
Sure, we've talked about that. I believe she was deciding between the smoothest course.
Jonathan Groff
Uh huh.
Matt Rogers
Steady as the beating.
Bowen Yang
Steady as the beating giver.
Matt Rogers
Coco, is all my dreaming at an end or do you still wait for me? Dream giver Just around a riff at the target. I literally forgot Cynthia's riff. I was gonna try to do it.
Lea Michele
You.
Bowen Yang
We're gonna cut that out.
Matt Rogers
No one can forgive.
Bowen Yang
No one is for dance. It is in the stone shall forget. The subway. We were actually on the subway the other day.
Jonathan Groff
And congrats again.
Bowen Yang
Thank you so much.
Jonathan Groff
Congrats, darling.
Bowen Yang
We chose the subway before Uber.
Jonathan Groff
See, they have not changed.
Matt Rogers
They're still a little guy.
Bowen Yang
We're going down in some woman. Lovely.
Matt Rogers
You're going down on some woman.
Bowen Yang
We're going down to the subway. Advice, my wife. We were going down into the subway and this woman was like, just saw Bowen and just lost it. Said, love you, by the way. And she said, wicked is. And she went like, this wicked is. And I said, has anyone ever come up to you, pointed to you, got in your face and just went,
Matt Rogers
must have.
Lea Michele
Wicked is.
Matt Rogers
Wicked is.
Bowen Yang
Cause you know they do that to Cynthia.
Matt Rogers
But it'll come back when she's old. It'll be lovely. That's what happens to them all. Like Judy Garland hated Over the Rainbow, but of course, you know, she loves. Yeah, everyone's like, do over the R. Do the riff.
Lea Michele
Yeah, because your act becomes your enemy.
Matt Rogers
Exactly. But then in the end, honey, you have a legacy.
Jonathan Groff
We hate Dicks the musical right now.
Lea Michele
So John Waters was in that chair last week?
Bowen Yang
Yes, he was. This one and that one.
Jonathan Groff
Oh, yeah.
Bowen Yang
Well, he's 80, so. He's 80. Can you be respectful? This is really. 3 year old.
Matt Rogers
Never.
Bowen Yang
Never.
Matt Rogers
Now I'm penetrating.
Bowen Yang
Stop it. It's disgusting. Disgusting. At least take the pants off.
Lea Michele
Well, you're straight now. You just fucked a woman, Josh.
Jonathan Groff
I know. That's true.
Matt Rogers
That's true. Okay, John Waters in the chair.
Lea Michele
Just talking about cult classics and how no one wants to be a cult artist. And we were like, we know our friends, like, who wrote this musical. He was like, I've seen a Josh and Aaron. And we were like. And they were like, they are obvious, like, as soon as the movie came out, everyone was like, it's a future cult classic. And then y' all were like, well, that doesn't feel amazing, necessarily.
Jonathan Groff
Yeah.
Bowen Yang
He was like, did that mean it failed? Failed, Failed.
Jonathan Groff
I wonder what John says about this, because actually, we love the reception of Dixon musical. And so far as I'm like, it shouldn't have been made at all.
Matt Rogers
Right?
Bowen Yang
Yeah.
Jonathan Groff
But it is true that making a cult classic is, like, you just make a flop and sort of seven years later, people are like, actually, it's a hit now.
Matt Rogers
7.
Lea Michele
Okay, so can I reveal something that's
Jonathan Groff
sort of like, everybody's like, well, it didn't really do well. And then I think time passes, and then they're like, actually did great.
Lea Michele
And the story is, why didn't it do well? It's so good. Like, it can always retroactively sort of balm that wound. Can I reveal something to y', all, please? And it's. I meant to tell you this sooner, but I think this is a great occasion. I promise. I didn't save it for this.
Matt Rogers
I wanted to.
Bowen Yang
I wanted to.
Matt Rogers
Costume review.
Lea Michele
Went to Death of a Salesman.
Matt Rogers
I haven't been yet.
Jonathan Groff
We're gonna go soon.
Lea Michele
I open up the playbill, I go and read Nathan Lane's bio. He lists all of his credits. And I was hurt that Dick's the musical was not listed.
Matt Rogers
It was in another one. He's listed it in another. It was in Pictures from Home.
Jonathan Groff
Pictures from Home.
Lea Michele
Oh, okay, so then maybe he was.
Matt Rogers
He's got too many pictures.
Jonathan Groff
I don't think it's. He loves that movie. That was not a him.
Lea Michele
So then it was his.
Bowen Yang
It's always the publicist. It is Diana. Diana Vice. Welcome. I should know better than anyone. My wife is a publicist.
Matt Rogers
Oh, my God.
Bowen Yang
For the art world.
Matt Rogers
Ah, well, that's dangerous. Big money laundering. No, he said at the premiere, I'm proud of this movie. And he's not one to talk like that, to say he's still our dad who texts us to give praise. Yeah.
Bowen Yang
Yeah.
Matt Rogers
Okay.
Lea Michele
That makes me feel much better.
Matt Rogers
I don't feel all is right.
Lea Michele
Okay, good. I mean, and he was, by the way, amazing.
Matt Rogers
I'm sure. God, I'm sorry.
Lea Michele
He's a. He's a hot willy.
Jonathan Groff
He's a hot willy.
Lea Michele
Hot Willy Lohman.
Bowen Yang
Is that a real culture number 40? Nathan Lane is a hot willy. Willy Loman.
Lea Michele
Willy Loman.
Bowen Yang
Always a great role for a fucking stud.
Matt Rogers
Yes.
Bowen Yang
Yeah, yeah. What role in theater would be your dream role?
Jonathan Groff
Oh, that is Such a great.
Bowen Yang
Well, out of all the parts and even I'm going to say props. Just male roles.
Matt Rogers
Just male roles.
Bowen Yang
I'm even gonna say that amab.
Jonathan Groff
I want to be in Subways are for sleeping.
Matt Rogers
This is a real old musical that's familiar.
Jonathan Groff
You don't know it at all. It's an old musical about homelessness on the subways that I just like.
Matt Rogers
But I think it's like a charming comedy.
Jonathan Groff
What do I actually want to be in?
Bowen Yang
I think you'd be good Avenue Q. You'd be amazing.
Matt Rogers
Avenue Q.
Bowen Yang
You just gotta learn how to do puppets. Ooh.
Jonathan Groff
Or I wanna be that big tree in Miss Redwood.
Lea Michele
Yeah, Stella.
Jonathan Groff
I wanna be ste.
Bowen Yang
Why didn't I wear my redwood shirt today?
Jonathan Groff
I should have worn my redwood shirt.
Bowen Yang
I wore my Josh Sharp tada shirt. I thought I was doing the right thing. I have a perfectly good redwood.
Matt Rogers
I'm in my. Speaking of ass, My Jonathan David Smith. He's a wonderful artist and this is his ass.
Lea Michele
He's taking photos of your ass.
Matt Rogers
Actually, we've never taken photos.
Lea Michele
You don't do photos. You pose for drawings.
Matt Rogers
Yeah, I've done photos too though.
Lea Michele
Where are they?
Bowen Yang
Well, you know, a lot of older people say take the photos of yourself nude when you're young because get this, it'll never look like that again.
Jonathan Groff
So we've all missed it.
Bowen Yang
I don't know.
Jonathan Groff
We be some old girls.
Matt Rogers
Oh, no.
Jonathan Groff
We be some old girls.
Lea Michele
This is the youngest you'll ever be right now.
Bowen Yang
That's the creamy nugget of. What I'm saying is that you could say every single day. Yeah, creamy nugget.
Jonathan Groff
What did you do to that nugget?
Bowen Yang
That very egg just all over it. Like you do nuggets.
Lea Michele
Like you do.
Matt Rogers
Like one must.
Jonathan Groff
Ba da da da da.
Bowen Yang
You didn't see when you showed ho for a second I came everywhere these chick. That's why you gotta keep your eyes open.
Jonathan Groff
Well, I was playing for the cameras.
Bowen Yang
I had ordered all these chicken nuggets for us.
Lea Michele
Speaking of creamy nuggets, how do you. How do you get the ass so juicy? It's really juiced up.
Jonathan Groff
Is it line dancing, everyone?
Lea Michele
Is it line dancing?
Bowen Yang
Yeah. What are you doing for your ass?
Jonathan Groff
Ever since the drama desk nom.
Bowen Yang
No, no, it's gone right to his ass.
Jonathan Groff
Biking.
Lea Michele
I'm a biking and the handles go like this.
Matt Rogers
I'm gonna sing that at Cynthia when I see her.
Bowen Yang
Ms. Gulch, my most fit friend says, really all you gotta do is. I'm not even entertaining this Joke. Because that's actually a really sad story.
Jonathan Groff
Honey, it's a Pitchfork app. It's interruption hour.
Bowen Yang
Anyway, all you gotta do is walk on an elliptical at an incline, and apparently you get ripped.
Matt Rogers
Yeah, people like that. People do the staircase, but everyone says something. Everyone says, if you do that, you'll actually have the flattest ass.
Jonathan Groff
What the heck?
Matt Rogers
Everyone's body's different.
Jonathan Groff
Why can't the community agree like they did when they knew that Aaron was a trans woman?
Bowen Yang
The community needs to agree on.
Lea Michele
On body.
Jonathan Groff
I wish the community would just agree. Body. Ody, Ody.
Matt Rogers
Jo Firestone got my name in her mouth.
Bowen Yang
Yes, she did.
Lea Michele
In a lovely way. Make me sick in a laudatory way. I would say she is.
Bowen Yang
Joel Firestone is the head writer of the Culture Awards.
Matt Rogers
Yeah, I know that. I heard this. It's one of the funniest trades.
Lea Michele
A lot. You're really one of the funniest humans alive.
Matt Rogers
This will be good for everyone.
Bowen Yang
Yeah.
Matt Rogers
Yeah.
Bowen Yang
What's that? Oh, are you doing asmr?
Matt Rogers
Yep.
Bowen Yang
Satan.
Jonathan Groff
Satan.
Lea Michele
What's the deal with sparkling water?
Jonathan Groff
Okay. Jerry Seinfeld. Seinfeld. Pop off.
Bowen Yang
People who love it, love it.
Matt Rogers
You drink it.
Lea Michele
And it's. It's spicy.
Jonathan Groff
Yeah.
Matt Rogers
I like it to hurt a little.
Jonathan Groff
I love this stuff.
Bowen Yang
No ice. You don't need no ice.
Matt Rogers
And you're from the North. That's very Southern to like ice.
Bowen Yang
Oh, I've had ice in every single one of my beverages for years. Just.
Matt Rogers
And you're from the North.
Bowen Yang
You hear what I just. You see what I just said? I said look down on my iced
Lea Michele
coffee and you're not gonna drink that anymore.
Bowen Yang
You lie.
Jonathan Groff
State of the Union.
Lea Michele
State of the Union.
Matt Rogers
You lie and you lie.
Bowen Yang
Goddamn. Getting better and better.
Jonathan Groff
What's more iconic? You lie at Obama or throwing the shoe at George W. Bush.
Matt Rogers
The shoe. The shoe was sweet.
Jonathan Groff
The shoe, Right. The shoe was incredible.
Matt Rogers
Cause my dream role is Curtis in Dreamgirls.
Bowen Yang
Yes.
Matt Rogers
And I will play it.
Bowen Yang
Let Dino play. It's gonna be you. It's gonna be you. Your face will be everywhere in soundcheck
Matt Rogers
for Weird girl songs.
Jonathan Groff
Kyle.
Matt Rogers
Kyle Breyer, the music director. Lovely.
Bowen Yang
Cute and a half.
Matt Rogers
I'd say cute and a half. Maybe even cute in a double. Was playing home. Just practicing and was playing home, and I started singing home. And one of the waitstaff goes, that's home.
Lea Michele
Or just do a sound check.
Bowen Yang
It's not in the sound.
Jonathan Groff
They read you down.
Matt Rogers
She was being fun.
Lea Michele
In an earned capacity.
Matt Rogers
Oh, completely earned.
Jonathan Groff
Wait staff can do anything yes, they can.
Lea Michele
They really can.
Matt Rogers
Carte blanche.
Jonathan Groff
Carte blanche.
Bowen Yang
They get carte blanche.
Lea Michele
They get carte blanche. White card.
Matt Rogers
As. As it's rural culture. Number one, wait staff gets carte blanche.
Lea Michele
Now go. Go off, make fun of us.
Jonathan Groff
Go off, make fun of us.
Bowen Yang
Have your fun.
Matt Rogers
That was, you know, you were on snl. It's a show and it' the highest form of flattery is imitation. So you of all people should understand.
Lea Michele
No, I. We're just a little tender today.
Bowen Yang
Of course.
Jonathan Groff
Go ahead, make fun of J.D. vance.
Matt Rogers
I really never did turnabouts.
Bowen Yang
I would never make fun of any author because of how hard it is to write a book.
Matt Rogers
It's really hard.
Bowen Yang
Have you written a book?
Matt Rogers
Yes.
Jonathan Groff
Book of Life.
Bowen Yang
You've written a long show. That's not a book. Could be this one has written a book.
Lea Michele
T. Is there any plans to take
Jonathan Groff
your show to a larger stage, to the book market? Why, yes,
Bowen Yang
this.
Lea Michele
Sorry. We're taking the show to Target. I guess we're making it a real Internet.
Jonathan Groff
Are showing Target at the Target Arena.
Matt Rogers
Is there a Target Arena?
Jonathan Groff
Yes. Lizzo opening.
Matt Rogers
There must be one.
Jonathan Groff
There must be a Target Arena.
Bowen Yang
Oh, God, I'd be shocked if there wasn't. You know what I really can't wrap my head around is crypto.com arena.
Jonathan Groff
Which one is that again?
Bowen Yang
The Staples center.
Matt Rogers
Which is also bad. Staples.
Jonathan Groff
It makes you miss Staples Center. And that also sucks. You're like, at the time, we didn't know how good we had it with Staples Center. You know what I mean?
Bowen Yang
This used to be named after Staples.
Jonathan Groff
We didn't know how good we had it.
Bowen Yang
Is Staples still a thing or no?
Matt Rogers
Absolutely not.
Jonathan Groff
The power.
Bowen Yang
It's not as big as crypto.com.
Lea Michele
no, no, no.
Matt Rogers
Crypto.com.
Bowen Yang
yeah, dot com.
Jonathan Groff
But you can't go to crypto.com for your loose leaf paper neither. So Staples still is necessary.
Matt Rogers
Girl.
Lea Michele
And I think Staples really ate down with the release of the. The Easy button.
Jonathan Groff
That was a cultural moment.
Lea Michele
That was easy.
Matt Rogers
What's the Easy button?
Jonathan Groff
That big red button they had in the. In the ads.
Lea Michele
That was Staples. Or was that Office Max Staples?
Matt Rogers
Thank you, Office Max. Could never.
Lea Michele
Could never.
Matt Rogers
Researcher.
Jonathan Groff
Researcher on site.
Lea Michele
That was easy. Is you anytime. Something was easy.
Jonathan Groff
Well, it contains everything. It's a synecdoche. It speaks to everything. It's holistic.
Bowen Yang
You know what Everything. And I swear to God, I got, by the way, the weed that I spy and smoke in Los Angeles is not weed.
Jonathan Groff
It's chronic.
Bowen Yang
I get on the street. It's the craziest. West Coast. Jared Frieder, who's the biggest stoner I know, takes one hit of my shit and goes, you're crazy. And lays down. I walk down the street to him. Michaels.
Jonathan Groff
Uh huh. Uh huh.
Bowen Yang
I love Michaels. They have it all, honey. Home decor.
Matt Rogers
Jonathan Adler.
Bowen Yang
Jonathan Adam. Jonathan Adler.
Matt Rogers
She's a Michaels girl now.
Bowen Yang
I said, let me pick this pillow up and walk around with it for a little while. Maybe I'll buy it.
Matt Rogers
It was like.
Bowen Yang
It was like, cut a crazy pillow. So then I run into, get this, okay, a woman and her mom. And she goes over and the first thing she says is, I can't believe I'm running into you at Michael's. I'm very high. I'm like, ugh, do you like this pillow? And I had something else in my hand that not a bit like. I think it was also from the collection. She looks at me, she looks at the pillow on the other thing and she goes, you know, I think they look good together. I was like, yeah, but that wasn't my question. Do you like it? The mother goes, I don't know who you are, so I'm just gonna tell you the truth. I don't like it at all. And then she goes, I don't like it either, but I feel like I can't tell you I don't like it. I was like, no, you need to tell me the truth if you like. And she goes, okay, we don't like it. I was like, all right, I might think about it, because, I don't know, I do like it. She goes, okay, well, it was so great to see you. I can't believe I get to tell everyone I saw you at Michael's.
Jonathan Groff
Can I ask, what are the odds this whole thing was a hallucination?
Matt Rogers
Right. How dank is that chronic?
Jonathan Groff
You know what I mean? Because this is not east coast weed. This is west coast weed. Are you serious?
Bowen Yang
I'm gonna say I'm gonna put it at the 20%. It was a hallucination.
Matt Rogers
20% hallucination. You were talking to a Jonathan Adler Voss. Right.
Bowen Yang
Truly, I did put everything down and leave with nothing.
Lea Michele
Yeah.
Jonathan Groff
The true, like, comedy movie cut. Where you go on the trip and then it hard cut. You talking to a door.
Bowen Yang
Decorative Jonathan Gladrill Adler pillows. And like, for some reason, like, two smocks and some art stuff. Because I'm gonna get into art, I guess.
Lea Michele
Yeah, you should. But I just. I just want to call out the mom. Like, she was also hedging a little bit too she's like, I like them to get. We'll just say, you don't fucking like it.
Bowen Yang
She wasn't hedging. She was just giving her daughter the space to say hi to someone she liked. And then she was like, listen, I don't know who you are.
Jonathan Groff
I love that.
Bowen Yang
I am gonna tell you. I don't like you.
Jonathan Groff
That reminds me of one of my favorite Shakira quotes.
Matt Rogers
Okay.
Jonathan Groff
Early Shakira, when she was coming on the scene.
Matt Rogers
Okay.
Jonathan Groff
Humble mountains and all that.
Lea Michele
Yes.
Bowen Yang
Okay.
Jonathan Groff
She was doing an interview and she was doing some quote about the crossover to the United States. And she basically was like, back, you know, in my home country, everybody. I walked down the street, Shakira, Shakira, Shakira. I come here. I walk down the street. People come up to me and they go, who are you? What are you doing?
Bowen Yang
And I love that.
Jonathan Groff
It wasn't just like, I'm not known. It's like, people come up here and they're like, who are you?
Matt Rogers
They approach you and what are you doing?
Lea Michele
And what are you doing? What are your unfavorite Shakira quotes?
Jonathan Groff
Great point.
Bowen Yang
You're not a big fan of yellow.
Jonathan Groff
I love that one.
Bowen Yang
That's changed.
Lea Michele
Humble mountains.
Jonathan Groff
Humble mountains. Non Shakira quote.
Matt Rogers
Your most unfavorous.
Jonathan Groff
My most. Oh, things she said I don't like.
Lea Michele
Because you said that was one of your favorite. One of your favorite Shakira quotes.
Jonathan Groff
I hated when Shakira said, jet fuel doesn't melt steel beams.
Lea Michele
Yeah.
Jonathan Groff
I hated when she said.
Bowen Yang
What did you feel when she said, no, no, no, I don't think you have to pay taxes.
Jonathan Groff
Well, that's sort of iconic.
Matt Rogers
A lot of people agree.
Lea Michele
I think that's potentially inspiring.
Matt Rogers
Yeah.
Lea Michele
There's potential to all evade all evade all.
Matt Rogers
Evade socialists.
Bowen Yang
Something I heard when I was in, like, elementary school or middle school or something.
Matt Rogers
Is that one of the younger schools?
Bowen Yang
One of the younger schools is that Shakira is a legal genius who speaks upwards of six languages.
Matt Rogers
I would believe that.
Bowen Yang
With an IQ above 160, I would believe that.
Jonathan Groff
I would absolutely believe that.
Matt Rogers
The hips don't lie.
Jonathan Groff
The hips don't lie. Humble mountains and all that.
Lea Michele
Humble mountains and all that. Now I want to put out a store as well in the same vein as Michael's.
Jonathan Groff
Please.
Lea Michele
Five below.
Jonathan Groff
Go to that girl.
Lea Michele
You have a nice view. You go, what do they got? They've got, you know, minion things, toys. They've got cheap stuff for birthdays, for children's events.
Matt Rogers
Yeah. Fun craft.
Lea Michele
Fun craft.
Jonathan Groff
Kmart family.
Lea Michele
I'm not sure. I don't want to look into it.
Bowen Yang
I'm sure Led Wetzler is involved somehow. He doesn't even want to Google it because of the implications.
Matt Rogers
Well, Google's all bad now, too.
Lea Michele
I don't want my AI overview pen.
Bowen Yang
I don't want that.
Jonathan Groff
I don't want that.
Lea Michele
And now a vital break from our sponsor, Vital Proteins.
Bowen Yang
You know the blue tub you've probably seen everywhere? That's Vital Proteins Collagen peptides. Now, why use them?
Lea Michele
Because they're the experts. The number one collagen brand in the US I'm talking about ingredients backed by science and shown to be effective.
Bowen Yang
I mean, when we hit about age 30, our bodies naturally produce less collagen. And collagen has a lot of benefits. A lot. Collagen peptides are a simple wellness supplement that supports healthy hair, skin, nails, bones, and best of all, joints.
Lea Michele
And it's easy to use. Add a serving to whatever you're already drinking. Morning coffee, afternoon tea daily, smoothie weekly, whatever.
Bowen Yang
I use Vital proteins collagen every morning. I just mix it into my coffee or a smoothie. It's super easy and it's become a simple part of my daily routine.
Lea Michele
But however you do it, consistency is the key. It's crazy how something so effective is so easy.
Bowen Yang
And right now you can get 20% off your next order by going to vitalproteins.com and using promo code LASCULCHURISTAS20. That's LASCULTURISTAS2.0 at checkout.
Lea Michele
Huge. Thanks again to our sponsor, Vital Proteins.
Bowen Yang
These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.
Lea Michele
I thought you said it was proven by science.
Bowen Yang
Never said that. I just said it was good. Chime is changing the way people bank. With fee free and smarter banking built for you.
Lea Michele
Not like old school banks that charge you overdraft and monthly fees.
Bowen Yang
Chime is built for you, not the 1%.
Lea Michele
This isn't just another banking app. Chime unlocks smarter banking for everyday people.
Bowen Yang
Forget overdraft fees, minimum balance fees and monthly fees.
Lea Michele
Chime turns everyday spending into real rewards and progress and offers bank fee free plus overdraft coverage you can count on and helps you build credit history stress free.
Bowen Yang
Earn up to 3% APY on savings. That's seven times higher than a traditional bank.
Lea Michele
Rated five stars by USA Today for customer service. Real Humans 24.7Chime is the new way
Bowen Yang
to build credit history with your own money and get rewarded every single day. Single day.
Lea Michele
No annual fees, no interest and no strings attached.
Bowen Yang
And when you get qualifying direct deposits, you get 1.5% cash back on eligible Chime card purchases.
Lea Michele
Chime is not just smarter banking. It is the most rewarding way to bank. Join the millions who are already banking fee free today. Just takes a few minutes to sign up. Head to chime.com colteristas that's chime.com colteristas
Sponsor Voice
Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services A secured Chime Visa credit card and my pay line of credit provided by the Bancor Bank NA or Stride Bank NA. MyPay eligibility requirements apply and credit limit ranges $20 to $500. Optional services and products may have fees or charges. See chime.com feesinfo advert Annual percentage yield with Chime+status only. Otherwise 1.00% APY applies. No min balance required. CHIME Card on time payment history may have a positive impact on your credit score. Results may vary. See chime.com for details and applicable terms.
Bowen Yang
This time of year always makes me rethink what's in my closet. BO I'm trying to keep fewer things but better ones. Pieces that are well made and easier to wear all the time. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. The fabrics feel elevated, the fits are thoughtful and the pricing actually makes sense.
Lea Michele
Quince makes high quality everyday essentials using premium materials like 100% European linen and their insanely soft flow knit activewear fabric. Their men's linen pants and shirts are lightweight, breathable and comfortable, basically the perfect layer for spring. The pants strike the right balance between laid back and refined so you look put together without trying too hard.
Bowen Yang
And they're flowknit activewear, moisture wicking, anti odor and soft enough that you'll actually wanna wear it all day.
Lea Michele
The best part is that their prices are 50 to 60% less than similar brands. How Quince works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen. So you're paying for quality, not brand market makeup. Everything is designed to last and makes getting dressed easy.
Bowen Yang
Yeah, you know, anything from Quint is great, but I gotta say, I do love a cashmere sweater. I just like the way it drapes on my body. What can I say? Quince, I love the way you feel. Also, shout out to the linen pants. Shout out linen pants.
Lea Michele
Refresh your wardrobe with quince. Go to quince.com coldturistas for fee, free shipping and 365 day returns now available in Canada too. Go to q u I-n c e.com culturistas for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com culturistas
Bowen Yang
oh, hear that?
Matt Rogers
That's the spam brand singing you a love song.
Bowen Yang
Spam, sizzle, pork and mmm.
Lea Michele
Book a loved by guest property with VRBO and you get a top rated vacation rental that's loved for all the right reasons, like being in a great
Jonathan Groff
location or having great amen.
Matt Rogers
Ugh.
Sponsor Voice
I love my VRBO for the view.
Lea Michele
Good reason.
Sponsor Voice
Ooh, and the sauna.
Bowen Yang
Sweet.
Lea Michele
Another good reason.
Sponsor Voice
And that it's one of those good saunas with the hot rock thing. Ugh. Love a good hot rock thing. Fancy.
Lea Michele
That's also a reason. Don't worry about surprises. Book a verbo you'll love with the love by guest filter. If you know you verbo.
Matt Rogers
Do you watch Euphoria Part 3?
Lea Michele
I'm opting out of this season.
Bowen Yang
What?
Matt Rogers
She. You'll get in. You'll get the floor.
Bowen Yang
I'll get in on the highlights.
Matt Rogers
She wore this gown to Sidney and Jacob's wedding. Oh, my God.
Bowen Yang
I've seen pretty much everything that involves Alexa. I did like the scene where she walks in and she was like, hi, I want to work for you.
Matt Rogers
She's so.
Bowen Yang
And she spins a little monologue and I was like, I like that monologue.
Matt Rogers
Like in season one, when she slams the locker and yells at Sydney Sweeney. When they like. I don't know, like, she's so.
Jonathan Groff
I used to have it memorized. That was me. I did that. She didn't do that.
Matt Rogers
I was really.
Lea Michele
And you're also a Julio Torres muse. Absolute like her.
Jonathan Groff
One of his great muses.
Bowen Yang
One of the fun things about Euphoria is that it imagines a world where everything violence someone does is slamming someone's head into something they like that. Every scene is someone gets their head slammed so hard into a railing, wall, or surface so much so that it would crack in half. And you hear a sound that suggests it cracks in half.
Matt Rogers
And yet it doesn't.
Bowen Yang
People survive these days.
Matt Rogers
And all these people from high school are still good friends with a drug addict's drug dealer.
Jonathan Groff
That's the one girl that he also.
Lea Michele
Well, they're the funnest people and have various jobs or non jobs and can afford Bottega.
Bowen Yang
Yes, yes, yes.
Lea Michele
Well, he's in debt, right? And he's wearing Bottega. Incredible.
Matt Rogers
And that'll get you in debt.
Lea Michele
That'll get you in debt.
Bowen Yang
That'll get you in debt.
Lea Michele
Trust me.
Bowen Yang
Trust?
Jonathan Groff
Ask seduction trust. Diana, my wife.
Bowen Yang
Diana Weisz, your wife?
Jonathan Groff
She's in debt, Mama.
Matt Rogers
She's in debt.
Bowen Yang
It's hard in art publicity right now.
Matt Rogers
Totally. No one's buying paintings. They're not buying paintings anymore.
Jonathan Groff
People are not buying paintings.
Matt Rogers
Curled red dogs.
Bowen Yang
What would you do as an art publicist? Because I know they exist. I should just ask my wife.
Jonathan Groff
You know what I would do?
Matt Rogers
It's your wife, honey.
Bowen Yang
You guys would do bitch.
Jonathan Groff
I would go to museums. Such as Guggenheim.
Matt Rogers
Sure.
Jonathan Groff
I would go to the paintings. Loudly.
Matt Rogers
Go.
Jonathan Groff
I like this stuff. Shame you can't buy it. Wonder why you could.
Matt Rogers
My sister, Amy Jo Jackson went on Tamara and Titus Andronicus off Broadway. Tamara being the lead. And there was a guy next to my dad taking notes and he was like, do you think that's a reviewer? And I was like, just keep talk. Wow, that Tamra sure is something, huh? Trying to get my dad to. But I don't know if it was a reviewer.
Bowen Yang
The audience seemed to love it.
Matt Rogers
Really a buzz about the Tamra cover. Wow, that Tamara sure was something.
Bowen Yang
It probably was a reviewer, right? If it was just someone scribbling down
Matt Rogers
Shakespeare or a writer student or a writer who got a great idea. Yeah, right. Writer who got a drink.
Jonathan Groff
Did you ever bloggist a boy wizard
Bowen Yang
back in your UCB day? J.K. rowling, back in your UCB days, did you ever see students scribbling along as you slayed it in progress?
Matt Rogers
Yeah, during Herald Night. It was crazy. Yeah, just put that book down, you fucking losers.
Bowen Yang
Watch me fly. When did you as a teacher just want to say, like, listen, you either have it or you don't.
Matt Rogers
I said at the first class every day.
Bowen Yang
Yeah, and I don't.
Matt Rogers
Don't, don't have, don't.
Jonathan Groff
Yeah, but sometimes his don't make it.
Bowen Yang
Here's who's gonna make it based on looks. You, you, you kinda.
Matt Rogers
Kinda fix the nose.
Bowen Yang
Oh, gosh. Shouldn't you notice that in this one
Jonathan Groff
shoal at I heart.
Bowen Yang
You got it. Stand up straight.
Matt Rogers
You slouch, you have to show a hole.
Lea Michele
At the hallway with the crazy hallway with the radio.
Jonathan Groff
Anything you need.
Lea Michele
Thank you.
Bowen Yang
We just need that one thing.
Jonathan Groff
Anything you need.
Matt Rogers
Anything you need.
Jonathan Groff
This is in this space, a hallway. In this space.
Lea Michele
The hallway on the 12th FL.
Matt Rogers
The one, you know, the funky one.
Lea Michele
The funky one.
Jonathan Groff
Oh, anything you need.
Bowen Yang
You know who was in there? Nicole Scherzinger and who they call the covered in quote unquote pussycat Dolls. Were all dancing around. Well, I just. It's basically Nicole Scherzinger featuring whatever girls are on.
Jonathan Groff
The modern era of it.
Lea Michele
Yeah.
Matt Rogers
Back in the day they had names.
Jonathan Groff
Exactly.
Bowen Yang
There was one named Melody.
Lea Michele
Melody.
Jonathan Groff
I think there were two or three named Melody.
Bowen Yang
I don't know if that could be true.
Lea Michele
I don't know if that can be true.
Jonathan Groff
I think it was a couple of melodies.
Bowen Yang
They necessarily had melodies at any time in the world.
Lea Michele
There are only three melodies in circulation.
Matt Rogers
One of them was on the show. Hey, dude. Played by. Oh God. This is bad that I can't remember her name.
Lea Michele
Rachel.
Matt Rogers
Search party.
Bowen Yang
Oh, Christine.
Matt Rogers
This is bad.
Bowen Yang
We're gay.
Jonathan Groff
We're not.
Lea Michele
Christine Taylor's amazing.
Matt Rogers
All that. Christine Taylor played Melody.
Bowen Yang
Can I say something? You know she and Ben Stiller took a break and got back together.
Matt Rogers
Take a break. Stay up.
Jonathan Groff
Stay for the summer.
Bowen Yang
Let's go out to while you write. Severin Season three. I can't deal with you when you're doing this. I imagine he has.
Matt Rogers
You'd be a good Curtis too.
Lea Michele
Oh my God.
Jonathan Groff
Two headed Curtis.
Lea Michele
Two headed white Curtis.
Matt Rogers
There's something there.
Bowen Yang
They were looking to update dream girl. So two headed white Curtis and a skinny.
Jonathan Groff
Can I say I think this is an at home episode.
Bowen Yang
Hello, Waiter. Waiter.
Matt Rogers
Servers.
Bowen Yang
What do you mean it's an at home episode?
Matt Rogers
He was doing a callback.
Lea Michele
He's doing a callback to the waitress who said that's. That's for at home.
Jonathan Groff
That's that. You see what he's training, doll.
Bowen Yang
Okay.
Matt Rogers
Do you think most comedies my love, most comedies call?
Bowen Yang
Yeah.
Matt Rogers
Isn't it recognition?
Lea Michele
Yeah.
Bowen Yang
Do you think laughter is recognition or surprise?
Jonathan Groff
Oh, I do.
Bowen Yang
I was never good at knowing when the callback was for a second beat.
Matt Rogers
That's not true.
Lea Michele
Oh no, that's not true, Aaron.
Bowen Yang
Yes, it was.
Matt Rogers
No, Matt, it wasn't.
Bowen Yang
You thought I was good at second beats. If that was my skill.
Jonathan Groff
I was your improv coach.
Matt Rogers
After that.
Bowen Yang
You were my improv coach and you thought second beats was my big skill and not your energy and enthusiasm and commitment?
Matt Rogers
Funny was your big skill.
Bowen Yang
Funny. Big eyes, big mouth like big mouth like my sister. Like my aunt sister.
Jonathan Groff
Where should the four of my big mouth. Where should the four of us do a hair, Harold?
Lea Michele
Beacon.
Jonathan Groff
Beacon.
Bowen Yang
Can we actually get real about four of the tours?
Lea Michele
Let's get real about four of the tours.
Bowen Yang
You know, we did receive an offer.
Jonathan Groff
We gotta get our teams to talk.
Matt Rogers
But bit born in this very room.
Jonathan Groff
It's becoming real. We can't feed them too Much.
Lea Michele
My only bump is that it is coke.
Bowen Yang
It's coke and some K. If you're. If you're rich.
Matt Rogers
If you.
Jonathan Groff
All these razor burns.
Bowen Yang
K more expensive. Yes.
Jonathan Groff
Because of Iran.
Matt Rogers
The war, brother.
Bowen Yang
Are you. Are we getting your K from Iran? From Kennedy?
Jonathan Groff
Gas prices up. K prices up.
Bowen Yang
I don't think that's true.
Jonathan Groff
I don't think that's open. The Straits let in the K. The.
Bowen Yang
If it's called.
Matt Rogers
Just kidding.
Jonathan Groff
Y' all just tour.
Matt Rogers
Yeah, for the tour.
Bowen Yang
I tour be like.
Lea Michele
My dream is for it to be a tour in one city, which is King's Theater, Beacon Theater, Radio City. Like, it's like only in New York City. We're touring four big venues in New York.
Jonathan Groff
My King, King's Theater, Beacon theater, Radio City, UCB,
Lea Michele
14th one.
Bowen Yang
I think we're gonna run into contract things with this. Unless we space them out.
Jonathan Groff
Well, then we'll have our teams deal with it.
Bowen Yang
Yeah.
Matt Rogers
That's what teams are for, after all.
Bowen Yang
Didn't warm up.
Matt Rogers
Didn't warm.
Lea Michele
That interval is insane.
Bowen Yang
That's.
Matt Rogers
What is that, a six, a seven.
Lea Michele
Now?
Jonathan Groff
I think it's a perfect four.
Bowen Yang
It's very one of the stunners of Titanique. See it, the Tony nominated musical.
Lea Michele
It has a 10 week extension.
Matt Rogers
Oh, good. What does Titanique.
Jonathan Groff
Really?
Bowen Yang
Through September 20th.
Jonathan Groff
Breaking now.
Bowen Yang
Yeah.
Jonathan Groff
I didn't know that was.
Matt Rogers
It's so good. It's the best.
Lea Michele
Thank God for it.
Matt Rogers
Thank God for it.
Bowen Yang
You know what else I Love? An 80 minute show on Broadway.
Jonathan Groff
Darling.
Matt Rogers
I still had to pee during Titanic. To be fair, I have seen it upwards of 45 times, so I knew it happened.
Bowen Yang
Did you hear who's doing Omari? Kamala.
Lea Michele
Kamala is doing.
Matt Rogers
Oh, Mary. She was replacing Maya. She's.
Bowen Yang
Yes.
Lea Michele
And they're doing little coconut tree jokes.
Jonathan Groff
No, she's Louise. She's Kamala's Louise.
Matt Rogers
She wanted to be second on the call sheet.
Bowen Yang
She's gonna. Well, she's. She's gonna learn both.
Jonathan Groff
She's gonna learn.
Matt Rogers
She's gonna learn both.
Bowen Yang
Because what happens is Vegas sometimes Kamala just wants to be in service. She's for the people. And so basically she just wants to do the supporting part some night.
Jonathan Groff
She said, which part is more vice. Yeah, you know, I saw.
Matt Rogers
I heard. I didn't see that. She took all the Cowboy Carter merch off the website.
Bowen Yang
Oh, yeah.
Matt Rogers
So it's coming.
Bowen Yang
And put just a picture of Stevie
Jonathan Groff
Nicks and the girls.
Matt Rogers
Josh's hole.
Jonathan Groff
So now I can resell all my Cowboy Carter merch for Money. I've been hoarding it like Beanie Babies.
Lea Michele
It's appreciated so much.
Matt Rogers
Did you know that I found a Princess Diana Beanie Baby in Charleston? Wait, not Charleston. Sorry. Colonial Williamsburg.
Jonathan Groff
Thank you for apologizing.
Bowen Yang
Where did you find it?
Matt Rogers
At a thrift store.
Lea Michele
Oh, my God.
Matt Rogers
I walked into the thrift store for fun.
Bowen Yang
With the tag on.
Matt Rogers
Honey. Yes.
Jonathan Groff
Remember when Beanie Babies was gold?
Bowen Yang
Yeah. They still are.
Jonathan Groff
Honey.
Matt Rogers
And she sits atop my dresser right now. Place of honor.
Bowen Yang
Do you have any idea.
Jonathan Groff
Don't say that.
Bowen Yang
You're gonna be rich. How much did you buy her?
Matt Rogers
Okay, the thing is, I went into the store just for fun. I saw one Beanie Baby and thought, huh, this was a giant. Like an antique mall giant. And I thought, wouldn't it be fun if I found a Princess Dye Beanie Baby? Kind of as a lark. I went through every single aisle, skipped one weirdly, and then didn't find tons of Beanie Babies. Never found one. I was like, oh, let. Let me go back to that last aisle. There she was in a case.
Bowen Yang
Stop.
Matt Rogers
Price tag hidden. I couldn't see. And I said. So I went. Talked to the person. I said, can you come unlock her and let me see how much she is?
Bowen Yang
Oh, my God. Like, it was fucking.
Jonathan Groff
She was a good clue. She was October. $11.
Matt Rogers
What? The woman unlocked her and said, you reminded me. I got two of these on my dresser. Cost me a lot more than $11. And I said, market's good. I'm gonna buy her. And now she lives with me. I kinda wanna make her into a hat or a brooch.
Bowen Yang
Oh, no.
Matt Rogers
Just, like, for one night only. I'm not gonna. But I kind of want to wear her out.
Jonathan Groff
I think you should ruin her.
Bowen Yang
Is she in mint condish?
Jonathan Groff
Finish her.
Matt Rogers
It looks as if hot off ties presses now. She's gorgeous. What a color.
Lea Michele
What a color. Now, you were in Colonial Williamsburg. Did seeing it sort of break the spell for you that you were sort of in the old times, seeing Diana? Yeah.
Matt Rogers
No, I will say they didn't have
Jonathan Groff
Beanie Babies back then.
Matt Rogers
A lot of the. What are they called? Reenactors. They themselves broke the spell.
Bowen Yang
Did they really?
Matt Rogers
Well, me and Michael, I went with my legally wedded spouse, Michael.
Bowen Yang
For now.
Matt Rogers
For now, divorce is real.
Bowen Yang
No, no, no. I was just talking about all of us losing our rights. If you get divorced, that's your business. That's your business. I was just telling the audience that our rights are at risk. You. Whatever. If you get divorced, that's your problem.
Matt Rogers
That's your risk.
Bowen Yang
Please keep it off the mic on a comedy podcast.
Matt Rogers
Okay, so we see this woman. She's at the entrance to one of the buildings, and she's singing like an old Tammy tune. And we loved her. We're like, we have to go talk to her.
Jonathan Groff
Yeah.
Matt Rogers
So we went and talked to her.
Jonathan Groff
We're like, hi.
Matt Rogers
How much to like what? You know, like, where are we trying to get to here? Or whatever. And she goes, use the app. We're like, oh, it's not her fault. But she's like, you have to go download the app. And what? I'm like, they wouldn't have said this. They would have offered me better. Of course.
Bowen Yang
I hope she had been like, I mean, use the apple. Throw it in there. Wherever it lands is north.
Jonathan Groff
Use the app.
Bowen Yang
Election trail lands.
Jonathan Groff
Is north.
Matt Rogers
Due north where the apple lands. It was sad. And she went back to humming her tune, and it was Colonial Williamsburg.
Jonathan Groff
Do better, please.
Matt Rogers
It ain't what it was.
Jonathan Groff
You would be really good at colonial Williamsburg.
Bowen Yang
Why do you think?
Matt Rogers
Because you're a natural person.
Jonathan Groff
You're a committed actress. And a committed actress.
Bowen Yang
I'd just be churning butter in the corner.
Jonathan Groff
Oh, honey.
Matt Rogers
Hot jerking that hog.
Lea Michele
Do you guys think there were effeminate Asians in colonial Williamsburg that I could play?
Jonathan Groff
It was mostly.
Matt Rogers
Yes. You think you're a feminist.
Bowen Yang
Yeah, I was gonna say, you think you're effeminate.
Lea Michele
Absolutely. Look at my little bracelets and rings.
Bowen Yang
Well, that's something that you've put on. That's not your mannerisms.
Lea Michele
Well, wouldn't you call my mannerisms effeminate?
Bowen Yang
Show us your things again.
Jonathan Groff
Show us your holes again.
Bowen Yang
Yeah, you wink those hands. All gay. Effeminate girl.
Jonathan Groff
I like that.
Bowen Yang
You are effeminate.
Matt Rogers
You are effeminate. Who's the most masc of the four of us? That's a really tough race between Josh and Matt.
Lea Michele
Josh and Matt.
Matt Rogers
But that's really sad if that's where we're at.
Lea Michele
You two code switch may be the most effective.
Jonathan Groff
What the you say?
Lea Michele
Yeah, there you go. You know. You know how Jeff Hiller describes acting straight in the. In such a helpful way? It's.
Bowen Yang
It's.
Lea Michele
You imagine all the blood slowly leaving your face.
Matt Rogers
Yeah, you gotta. You can't do any of that.
Jonathan Groff
Yeah.
Bowen Yang
What's up? Can't give you what you want from me.
Matt Rogers
Give you what you want.
Jonathan Groff
Worship Satan.
Bowen Yang
Why? Why are your arms able to go up that high?
Matt Rogers
That's true.
Jonathan Groff
Yeah.
Bowen Yang
That is another good rule. Like, straight guys can't lift their Arms motions.
Matt Rogers
Try right, right, right. What's up?
Bowen Yang
Go ahead.
Matt Rogers
Just.
Bowen Yang
Can you. How high can you lift your arms?
Jonathan Groff
It's not high at all.
Bowen Yang
Oh, my God.
Jonathan Groff
Are you gay?
Bowen Yang
Don't show him. No. I thought for a second you were gonna go feral.
Lea Michele
You would have.
Matt Rogers
Pause.
Lea Michele
Pause. You're too gay.
Bowen Yang
Listen, okay, if I'm gonna say it's a straight off between me and Josh, that's really rough.
Lea Michele
That should be for the tour.
Matt Rogers
For the tour. Oh, we could do a straight off.
Lea Michele
We could do a straight off.
Bowen Yang
Here's what I'll say. You tend to like much straighter music and arts and culture than.
Matt Rogers
That's true.
Lea Michele
You're culturally straight.
Bowen Yang
I would say, behaviorally, I am straighter than you. It's the long island.
Matt Rogers
It's the long island in you. Yeah.
Jonathan Groff
Understood and accepted.
Bowen Yang
Yeah. We protect ourselves in different ways out here.
Jonathan Groff
Never calling my lawyer.
Lea Michele
Air and I actually have very alike interests in terms of video games and
Matt Rogers
anime, which is also really straight.
Jonathan Groff
Yeah.
Matt Rogers
Actually game, anime, stoner, like that kind of shit is kind of straight.
Jonathan Groff
We're actually all really straight in a man. We're realizing we're all really straight. And mask.
Bowen Yang
Yeah. Especially when we sing.
Matt Rogers
Yeah. Vibrato is inherently extremely gay. Why are your voice shaking like that?
Bowen Yang
Why your voice shaking?
Matt Rogers
Hold it steady. Hold it steady.
Bowen Yang
Boy, I've been really enjoying this part of my voice.
Jonathan Groff
Would you describe that
Bowen Yang
you make an NG sound and you just go hard
Jonathan Groff
and you bury it back too. It's coming from the back of the.
Bowen Yang
No, that's safe. He never said it wasn't safe.
Matt Rogers
It's buried.
Jonathan Groff
Can we all try and you give notes on how we're doing the technique? Okay. I'd love to try.
Matt Rogers
That's good.
Lea Michele
Really good.
Jonathan Groff
How was that?
Bowen Yang
Really good. Oh, too much mouth going on. On. Oh, okay.
Matt Rogers
Fierce, fierce, fierce.
Bowen Yang
No, now give it again.
Matt Rogers
Really good.
Bowen Yang
So good.
Matt Rogers
Okay.
Bowen Yang
Really good.
Matt Rogers
Hot, Hot.
Bowen Yang
I might be leaving Diana Vice after
Matt Rogers
this episode for a polycule of mask giga.
Bowen Yang
Let's get really into brass tack. You have to date seriously for at least a year. Sex and all. One star, actress, singer, or more of Hollywood.
Matt Rogers
Cameron Diaz in the Mask.
Bowen Yang
Cameron Diaz in the Mask. Hottest woman. We were
Matt Rogers
somebody. God damn it. I can't remember her. Some gay guy recently posted. Like, wait, I was talking to gay guys and they're like, what's the hottest woman a woman's ever been in a movie? And he's like, my friend says Faye Dunaway in network. And that's what I slammed into the DMs and said, Y' all are faggots.
Bowen Yang
Yeah, this is not.
Matt Rogers
And I said, it's Cameron Diaz in the mask. And they were like, wait, a woman we're with said that? And then I asked some straight boys I was with, and one of them said, I can't remember. Some kind of, like, bond girly thing. And then one of them was like, I would probably say Cameron Diaz in the mask. He's like, I used to kiss pictures of her when I was little.
Lea Michele
Whoa.
Bowen Yang
Like in a magazine.
Matt Rogers
Yeah, in a magazine.
Bowen Yang
She did.
Lea Michele
Really?
Matt Rogers
She was va va voom.
Lea Michele
She was like, you've never seen anyone more beautiful.
Jonathan Groff
She made the mask go crazy.
Matt Rogers
Yeah.
Jonathan Groff
His eyes went all. Whoops. His eyes were bulging out. That's how hot she was.
Matt Rogers
I think I would love to date Cameron Diaz in the mask. Seriously. For one year.
Bowen Yang
And sexually, you know who straight guys love? Ana de Armas.
Lea Michele
Yeah, she's very beautiful. Totally. I was gonna say, no joke. Cameron Diaz in Charlie's Angels one.
Matt Rogers
Yeah, yeah. Gorgeous. Gorgeous in there as well.
Lea Michele
When she does the hair top, when she flips her hair to Luke Wilson,
Matt Rogers
I'm like, I saw Cameron Diaz in irl. I was in Vail, Colorado, buying a
Bowen Yang
truly heinous angora sweater. Whoever said orange was the new pink was ser. Seriously disturbed.
Matt Rogers
But this woman came off the slopes, had, like, goggles on. I was sitting, having a hot cocoa or whatever, and I was like, damn, that lady's pretty. Took off the goggles, literally shook her hair. It was Cameron Diaz. She looked perfect. And I swear to God, 11 children, like, ran up to her, and they
Jonathan Groff
were 11 Cameron, like, a bunch.
Bowen Yang
And she was like, hello.
Jonathan Groff
Like, she was like, Trojan Piper coming.
Matt Rogers
Like little kids.
Lea Michele
Magical.
Matt Rogers
And it was as if she was like their, like, aunt fresh off the
Bowen Yang
slopes in a non drug way.
Matt Rogers
And 11 children threw her hair around.
Jonathan Groff
Children. I was like, this is crazy. That's a Diaz dozen. Is a baker's dozen. 11 is a Diaz dozen. It was incredible.
Bowen Yang
Diaz dozen of dozens. This is roller culture. Number 11. 11. That's a Diaz dozen.
Lea Michele
Now, it is incredible what she's done in the Filipino community.
Jonathan Groff
Oh, yeah.
Bowen Yang
Filipino Lumpia. That clip is.
Lea Michele
She is revered.
Bowen Yang
Lumpia adobo.
Lea Michele
I've had it every day.
Jonathan Groff
I had it every day.
Lea Michele
Rice. My friends made the best rice.
Matt Rogers
Lumpia lumpia.
Lea Michele
Lumpia adobo. And she just makes the face.
Jonathan Groff
It's incredible.
Lea Michele
The face, which is. I don't know what the face is.
Bowen Yang
I think it's just Cameron face. It's just Cameron face. Just Cameron Russian.
Jonathan Groff
It's just that thing only she can bring.
Matt Rogers
What movie would you fall in love with Cameron Diaz too?
Jonathan Groff
Great question with you with the original question. Oh, Charlie's Angels 2, of course.
Matt Rogers
Full throttle. Full throttle.
Bowen Yang
You know what's an underrated one?
Jonathan Groff
Huh?
Bowen Yang
Bad Teacher.
Matt Rogers
I've never seen Bad Teacher.
Bowen Yang
She's very funny in Bad Teacher.
Jonathan Groff
She's the teacher or.
Bowen Yang
No, she is the bad teacher. She like smokes out her car and
Matt Rogers
like, you know, like she hot boxes.
Bowen Yang
She hooks up with Justin Timberlake, but he like. But he comes in his pants. They don't have sex.
Matt Rogers
That's very something about Mary.
Bowen Yang
This is after they had broken up, by the way. Professionals.
Jonathan Groff
Professionalism, my love.
Lea Michele
What's the movie with Toni Collette?
Bowen Yang
Oh, oh. In Her Shoes.
Lea Michele
In Her Shoes.
Jonathan Groff
Wild Party.
Lea Michele
It was not wild party.
Jonathan Groff
It was a joke. The joke was I said the wrong wild party.
Matt Rogers
That's Julia Murney.
Jonathan Groff
I know. That's what the joke was.
Lea Michele
Early days IMDb. I'm clicking on all these actresses pages, seeing what is in pre production.
Matt Rogers
Pre pro.
Lea Michele
What was in pre pro at the time for Cameron Diaz and Toni Collette, two actresses.
Jonathan Groff
I loved IMDb, a movie called I Melt dat Bussy.
Lea Michele
There you go.
Matt Rogers
Go ahead, melt.
Lea Michele
The movie was In Her Shoes. In pre production. I go. I'm gonna be following this movie obsessively to this day.
Matt Rogers
You still do.
Lea Michele
And here's the twist.
Jonathan Groff
It's still in pre pro.
Lea Michele
Still.
Bowen Yang
You never saw it.
Lea Michele
Still never. Still haven't seen.
Bowen Yang
Forget it. You're not going to the jock strap party tonight.
Jonathan Groff
We're watching In Her Shoes with Orna.
Bowen Yang
Honey, it's the Shirley Mlan vehicle to end all Shirley Mlan vehicles.
Jonathan Groff
Talk back, hosted by Dr. Orna.
Bowen Yang
Actually, knowing that you did this is important I love because I did the same thing. And this was also. Were you like a little awards gay? Because you remember it had. It had awards buzz.
Lea Michele
It had awards buzz. I was on the message boards.
Bowen Yang
Oh, my God. I was devastated when it fell off awards predictions. I was like. But it. I wanted In Her Shoes to go all the way based just on Lazarus.
Lea Michele
That really is a great title.
Jonathan Groff
In Her Shoes.
Bowen Yang
It was a book.
Matt Rogers
Huh?
Bowen Yang
I love that. I don't. I'm not behind that. Mine probably is. I'm not behind that.
Matt Rogers
It was a book. It was a book bestseller.
Bowen Yang
It feels like a. It feels like the title of a movie that. Where you're like, that was a book. That was a book.
Matt Rogers
Name another one that you about a boy.
Lea Michele
Devil Wears Prada too.
Matt Rogers
I saw it last night.
Jonathan Groff
Harry Potter.
Bowen Yang
Can you give us a review? What's the review of Devil's Prada?
Matt Rogers
They are like three. Well, Stanley Chucci too, but there's like three of the most famous people. Sometimes when they're like doing shocks.
Bowen Yang
If you really think about it.
Matt Rogers
Who am I thinking about?
Bowen Yang
Are you missing out?
Jonathan Groff
Kayla Perrin?
Bowen Yang
Are you missing out Emily Blunt, Anne Hathaway or the Meryl strength?
Matt Rogers
I'm talking about those three.
Lea Michele
Yeah.
Bowen Yang
And Stanley.
Matt Rogers
Stanley. I was like, you know, but like, they, they. It was like nuts because in the first one, of course, Meryl was. But Emily was just showing up and Anne was famous, but not like. So it was just like sometimes they're in shots together and you're like, damn, y'. All. Like, this is like movie stars.
Jonathan Groff
What do you think the actor?
Matt Rogers
I think it was very fun. It's not as good as number one, but it's very. But it's very.
Jonathan Groff
How much did they spend on acting? Actor and actress salaries for DWP probably
Matt Rogers
got upwards of 100k.
Bowen Yang
You know what?
Jonathan Groff
Actually, what's day rate times four?
Bowen Yang
No, you know what? I bet I bet parody for all three of them.
Lea Michele
Most favored nations parody.
Bowen Yang
Favorite nations.
Jonathan Groff
Like they were making fun of something.
Lea Michele
Yes, I bet.
Bowen Yang
Bet 12.5 each.
Lea Michele
12 point.
Jonathan Groff
12.5 each.
Matt Rogers
That's less than I would have billion dollar.
Jonathan Groff
But it's a different culture. Do you think they get back end?
Bowen Yang
Yes, I think get back.
Matt Rogers
So you think they do anal.
Jonathan Groff
I'm about to give you all back in.
Lea Michele
Come on. Yes.
Bowen Yang
Let's keep the strap on this time. Now there has to be a.
Lea Michele
Don't pull down the DRO strap this time.
Bowen Yang
There we go.
Lea Michele
So nice.
Bowen Yang
There's. It's just as I remember.
Lea Michele
No ass. I'm. I have ass and you have. I do not.
Bowen Yang
Has been getting bigger. And you know what?
Lea Michele
You know, you notice.
Matt Rogers
Yeah, you've noticed.
Bowen Yang
I look at everyone's butt. If you are looking away from me, darling, looking at your butt.
Jonathan Groff
The surgeries are working.
Matt Rogers
The surgeries are working.
Lea Michele
The shots. The shots. Matt has. Matt. Matt's has gotten so convex.
Bowen Yang
My ass is big.
Jonathan Groff
Your globe.
Bowen Yang
You don't have to take it off.
Matt Rogers
Show ass.
Bowen Yang
I'm not gonna take it. Look at that.
Lea Michele
It's so big. It's so shapely.
Matt Rogers
It's fat. Mine's bigger than it was, but I think it's maybe age.
Bowen Yang
It's one of my favorite things about.
Jonathan Groff
Oh, look at this. This is so. Honey, this is so special.
Matt Rogers
I love the Josh and Aaron Episodes. They get so real.
Jonathan Groff
Yeah, they get so real and so pitchfork.
Bowen Yang
Just like, ever since I was little, the first thing people would always say about me. And I know this is crazy to complain about, but it's always like, oh, my God. Like, I was like, three or four.
Jonathan Groff
You're such a fat ass.
Bowen Yang
Fat fucking ass. Like, it just made me feel like growing up, like, that was the good thing about me.
Lea Michele
And it is.
Bowen Yang
Oh, my God.
Jonathan Groff
Always forget. I'd just be like, I would love
Bowen Yang
to be told I was smart or, like, funny.
Jonathan Groff
But you're not.
Matt Rogers
You're not, hon.
Bowen Yang
And I'm just gonna have, like, a fat ass.
Matt Rogers
You're just a big, fat.
Bowen Yang
I do remember you're just a fat ass.
Matt Rogers
When you used to not want to bottom this. We're going way into the past.
Bowen Yang
I remember thinking, what a shame.
Lea Michele
What a waste.
Matt Rogers
You've changed.
Bowen Yang
I've actually apologized to Henry about it.
Lea Michele
Oh, good.
Jonathan Groff
Cause I think that he said, not accepted.
Bowen Yang
No. He was like, oh, oh, that's nice
Jonathan Groff
of you to say.
Bowen Yang
Didn't need it.
Lea Michele
Didn't need it.
Bowen Yang
I didn't need you to pod it. Just because I had, like, bottom fear.
Lea Michele
Yeah, you.
Matt Rogers
I remember you said, you watch porn and you watch them bottom, and you want that.
Bowen Yang
And I was like, yeah, it must have been, like, 24.
Matt Rogers
You're like, it looks like it. Yes. Yes, truly, you little boy. You're like, they look like they're in pain. Yes, they are. But then it turns good.
Bowen Yang
Well, I remember you said to me, this is truly, like, how you know there are elders. You were like. You were like. No, I didn't mean elders. I just mean, like, taught us a lot.
Matt Rogers
Sure. Of course.
Bowen Yang
You said to me, well, it hurts every time, but that actually becomes part of it and becomes part of what's good about it. And I was like, yes. And you were taught famously, who also taught a lot, said. And this actually made a lot of difference. He just said one time on. On RuPaul's Drag Race, apropos of nothing, if you want it, it will not hurt.
Matt Rogers
Yeah, you do have to want it sometimes.
Bowen Yang
It is crazy for hours for the same ex.
Jonathan Groff
For the tour. The hours. And we just do the hours.
Matt Rogers
We would be.
Jonathan Groff
Wait.
Matt Rogers
Let's. Let's dream.
Jonathan Groff
Let's cast shadow the hours. Shadow. Oh, yeah. It's a shadow. Cast iron, horror style.
Bowen Yang
This actually is really.
Lea Michele
This is.
Matt Rogers
This is hard. Okay, well, there's the three main girls, and then there's this.
Jonathan Groff
Stanley. Tony.
Lea Michele
Stanley Tucci. No, Tony Collette.
Matt Rogers
Tony.
Jonathan Groff
That's the Stanley Tucci of the hour.
Bowen Yang
That's the Stanley. Okay, but can we.
Lea Michele
That's rule of gold or number 76.
Bowen Yang
Tony Collette is the Stanley Tucci of the hours. It's true. True. And if. When they do the Hours too, she's gonna have a huge part. But. But can we actually talk about the support, the supporting women of the Hours? Because we. I know we're saying Toni Coll, but
Jonathan Groff
maybe y' all need to be supporting women.
Lea Michele
There was a red Claire Danes.
Matt Rogers
Ed Harris.
Bowen Yang
Certainly. Ed Harris.
Lea Michele
That's a sad one.
Bowen Yang
Ed Harris. That's a sad. Sort of a sad.
Matt Rogers
Sad ones.
Bowen Yang
But a straight gay icon in the same way that Stanley Tucci is.
Matt Rogers
Wait, who's the Ed Harris married to again?
Jonathan Groff
That's a classic. Like jump. Scare positive to learn that on the awards.
Matt Rogers
I loved that.
Lea Michele
Okay, so we gotta. We gotta cast this. The Hours.
Bowen Yang
Yes.
Matt Rogers
Oh, right. But I love Nicole, Julianne, Meryl, Tony. Oh, should we all be supporting girls?
Lea Michele
Oh, that's interesting.
Matt Rogers
And Cole Escola can be the three of them.
Lea Michele
Cole should be the three of them.
Bowen Yang
Or is Cole all. Everyone in the film.
Matt Rogers
Except we're watching it.
Lea Michele
And we're watching.
Bowen Yang
Yeah. And we're watching.
Matt Rogers
There's something here.
Lea Michele
I do wanna. I kinda wanna call dibs on Tony in that movie. Cause you know what? She has the. To me, one of the most heartbreaking lines in the whole thing was after Julianne kisses her.
Matt Rogers
Yeah.
Lea Michele
She goes. Huge. Such a good scene. Tense pause. And then. And then Tony goes, You're so sweet.
Matt Rogers
Mm.
Lea Michele
Devastating. Really good. I want Tony.
Bowen Yang
Yeah, you can have Tony.
Matt Rogers
What are they?
Bowen Yang
Julian, Nicole.
Lea Michele
Julian, Nicole.
Bowen Yang
Meryl plays modern day Clarissa.
Matt Rogers
I can be. Since I've written a novel. I'll be Virginia Woolf.
Bowen Yang
Yes. Yes, you will. You will be Virginia Wolf.
Matt Rogers
Would you like the nose?
Lea Michele
Would you like the nose?
Matt Rogers
I would like the nose.
Bowen Yang
The nose is mandatory.
Matt Rogers
Nose is mandatory. And I'll really Meryl myself.
Jonathan Groff
I'm Meryl because I'm in the modern day.
Bowen Yang
Yes.
Jonathan Groff
Don't you feel I'm in the modern day?
Matt Rogers
You with that fat ass in a 50s housewife dress?
Bowen Yang
You're Julianne, super repressed and, like, bent over for Tony.
Lea Michele
That means you try to kiss me and I reject you.
Bowen Yang
That's hot.
Lea Michele
Oh, and then you bomber, you want
Jonathan Groff
to do it right now.
Bowen Yang
It does. It ruins. It ruins the close friendship forever.
Lea Michele
And then your son ends up killing himself.
Matt Rogers
Well, because he was going to die anyway.
Bowen Yang
Spoiler alert for the hours.
Matt Rogers
You guys watch the Hours before it was a movie.
Bowen Yang
Not Unlike what we think happened with the. Her shoes.
Matt Rogers
Not unlike in her shoes. Ed Harris dies at the end.
Lea Michele
This is a gorgeous challenge, right? Like, get four gay guys. Anyone can do this. Four G guys. To shut up.
Bowen Yang
To shut up. Fun challenge. Good luck.
Lea Michele
Good luck.
Bowen Yang
It's what all the producers in the room are thinking.
Lea Michele
Literally, they're like.
Bowen Yang
But they've all got on their phones. They've all started doing other things.
Matt Rogers
They're on Grindr.
Bowen Yang
Anna's on her computer. She's on Grindr.
Lea Michele
But this actually, this makes me my thing, this challenge. I want four games, guys. Put an hour and a half on the clock. Just start talking about the movies you love. I don't know. Just start talking about pop culture in a way.
Bowen Yang
Las cold Cheris. No, no, no.
Lea Michele
But you can't have phones to, like, check and affirm.
Matt Rogers
My uncle always says, like, when we're eating or whatever, and someone's like, who was the president then? And looks it up and he goes, a question never goes unanswered. Yeah, questions used to go unanswered.
Lea Michele
I know.
Bowen Yang
Isn't that crazy? That is a really fascinating, fascinating thing, I will say.
Jonathan Groff
Our friend and comedian Natasha Vaneblatt, they host a lot of dinner parties and they've started making them look sort of adamantly, no phone. And it's fun for the reasons of just like, not having the phone on the side. It also does that where you just go, like, who is that? And you all want to Google it. And you go. You just sort of talk it out. And sometimes you go, I guess I.
Matt Rogers
Only when you find it, it's really good.
Jonathan Groff
When you all find it, it feels really good.
Matt Rogers
Also, the mystery.
Jonathan Groff
And sometimes you don't find it and you just go, well. And you have to live in that.
Bowen Yang
Sometimes the butt goes through a lot. When the butt speaks, we listen.
Lea Michele
Preparation H is the butt K care expert known for helping people care for their hemorrhoids with confidence.
Bowen Yang
And because every situation is different, Preparation H offers relief in multiple forms that adapt to needs.
Lea Michele
Medicated wipes formulated with witch hazel, aloe and vitamin E to help keep things calm, cool and collected, even in the case of dreaded hemorrhoids.
Bowen Yang
And for moments that feel a bit more dramatic, the rapid relief spray with maximum strength lidocaine provides fast relief from itching, burning and swelling.
Lea Michele
There's also a multi symptom relief cream when broader support is needed.
Bowen Yang
It all works together as a simple system. A wipe, a cream spray, helping make life feel manageable again.
Lea Michele
I would love for that preparation age treats the issue rather than just masking it. No shame here, only solutions.
Bowen Yang
So if a butt has been begging for a little conflict, kindness, wipe and treat for better relief with the number one doctor recommended brand, Preparation H. Oh, hear that?
Matt Rogers
That's the Spam brand singing you a love song.
Bowen Yang
Spam, Sizzle, pork and M.
Lea Michele
Out here, if you're doing nothing, you're doing everything right. Though on a cruise with Norwegian, even if you're doing nothing, you're still basking in the warmth, sun, enjoying the peaceful ocean waves. You're breathing. Don't forget about breathing. Definitely need to be breathing. So you get to do nothing or everything, but you still need to be breathing. It's like really important.
Matt Rogers
Experience the difference with cruises to Alaska,
Sponsor Voice
the Caribbean and Europe Norwegian Cruise Line it's different out here. Visit ncl.com call your travel advisor or 1-888-NCL-CRUISE Norwegian Cruise Line Ships Registry Bahamas
Podcast Announcer
and USA May is Mental Health Awareness Month and your 20s they can feel like the A Lot on the psychology of your 20s podcast we unpack the anxiety, the overthinking, the heartbreak, the identity crisis, all of it that comes with being in your 20s. Because if you've ever thought, is anybody else feeling this way? They definitely are.
Sponsor Voice
I feel like my 20s was a process of checking off everything that I was not good at to get to what I was good at. Oftentimes we take everything a little bit too seriously and we get lost in things that we later on decide weren't even important to us to begin with. There was a large chunk of my twenties that I like was just so wanting to like be out of that phase, out of my skin and I just like really regret not living in
Podcast Announcer
the present more each week we break down the science behind what you're going through and give you real tools to navigate it. Your 20s aren't about having it all figured out, they're about understanding yourself just a little bit bit better. Listen to the psychology of your 20s on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Sponsor Voice
The story I've told myself about love or relationships can then shape my behavior and that can lead me to sabotage the possibility of connection. This Mental Health Awareness Month, tune into the podcast Deeply well with Debbie Brown and explore the journey of healing, self discovery and returning to yourself. We explore higher consciousness, emotional well being, and the practices that help you find clarity, peace and self mastery in a world that can feel overwhelming. The world is becoming lonelier, we're not becoming more social and connected. We're becoming more individualized, but we actually need people in connection. If you've been searching for a soft place to. To land while doing the work to become whole, this podcast is for you. To hear more, listen to Deeply well with Debbie Brown from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.
Jonathan Groff
Everyone say your favorite proper noun.
Bowen Yang
Okay.
Jonathan Groff
Zoe Kazan.
Matt Rogers
That's.
Lea Michele
Oh, yeah.
Matt Rogers
Diana Vice
Bowen Yang
Grande.
Lea Michele
Grape Danny Manoeu.
Bowen Yang
Oh, sorry, proper noun. But that's Grape Soda.
Jonathan Groff
Unless it's the name of, like, a drag.
Bowen Yang
Queep. Grape Soda. One of my close friends. Y' all don't know my girl Grape Soda. She's a riot. She's in prison. She's in prison, but I write to her every other week. Every other week.
Matt Rogers
Otherwise, my wrist cramps.
Jonathan Groff
Absolute.
Bowen Yang
Otherwise, you know what started to happen? Huh? And don't.
Matt Rogers
Don't tell the doctor.
Bowen Yang
Don't tell the doctor. Or do everyone just go like this naturally? Put your hands up. Yep, just get your hands up.
Matt Rogers
She said it 20 million times.
Bowen Yang
As I suspected, everyone's hands naturally are in, like, that. They're supposed to be more like a gravity doll.
Jonathan Groff
I was mimicking.
Lea Michele
Yeah, we were just mimicking.
Bowen Yang
So what do your hands naturally do?
Jonathan Groff
Oh, wait, no.
Bowen Yang
I guess what I mean is, like, at rest.
Jonathan Groff
At rest, do your fingers tell me to put my hands up. I'm going to just see what the body does naturally.
Bowen Yang
Hands up. Up at. Hands up. At wrist up. At rest. Everything's just big psychosexual joke to you.
Matt Rogers
I'm kind of shaky.
Lea Michele
Absolutely, absolutely.
Bowen Yang
What I'm saying is our phones have made our. The fact that we are at stasis. It's sort of like a carpal tunnel, but for the fingers.
Matt Rogers
Yeah. So you like this? You think it should be like this
Bowen Yang
naturally, But I'm just saying, like, at rest, like, it's not supposed to be.
Matt Rogers
Should we pursue this Your hand and make.
Jonathan Groff
Because we've been doing that so much.
Bowen Yang
Oh, wow. Wait.
Jonathan Groff
Why does mine naturally do do this?
Lea Michele
That's so interesting.
Jonathan Groff
Why does mine naturally do this? What do you think this means?
Bowen Yang
It means you're around a lot of guys with weird cops. Wait, honey, you're ready for the eagle.
Matt Rogers
Big, big spoiler.
Bowen Yang
I don't know. Comedian, Physical comedian.
Jonathan Groff
Drama desk.
Bowen Yang
My lady cop. That's so cylindrical.
Matt Rogers
Huh? Bush is in. Jill Bush Hager is in. Divorce.
Bowen Yang
How'd she do?
Matt Rogers
She's great. It was in a scene with 400 cameos. It was literally like, boop, bada doop. Bada boom, bada doop. And screaming at the moment she was
Bowen Yang
nervous she would be cut. She didn't get cut. We're actually seeing her on tv. She's coming in on the pod and I'm cut. I'm happy to know she's not cut.
Matt Rogers
I screamed at the screen. Where's Matt?
Jonathan Groff
I did feel like Shakira.
Bowen Yang
Who?
Matt Rogers
I don't know Caleb very well, but he's in the movie. And I did feel like I hung out with him. You know when you see your friends and something and you're like, oh, that was fun. When I saw Caleb, he didn't. That was parasocial, doll.
Lea Michele
You've never hung out with him?
Matt Rogers
No, no, I've met him, but I mean, I don't know him well, but I was like, oh, that was nice that I got to hang out with Caleb.
Jonathan Groff
He must radiate on him screen.
Lea Michele
Yeah, that's good.
Bowen Yang
Oh, he definitely does. He was in this chair radiating.
Matt Rogers
Damn.
Lea Michele
Damn him.
Bowen Yang
Guys, please. Cuz it's a joke until you up the equipment. Because you know what? A lot of people worked really hard to set this up in culture.
Jonathan Groff
A lot of people worked really hard to set this up.
Matt Rogers
That's not even a number. It's just the number one rule of culture.
Bowen Yang
A lot of people goes above the list. Look, a lot of people worked really hard.
Lea Michele
Number one.
Bowen Yang
Number one.
Lea Michele
One.
Bowen Yang
Which actually is playing Alphabet is war.
Matt Rogers
That's the number one rule.
Jonathan Groff
That's number one.
Lea Michele
One of. One of a few.
Jonathan Groff
This is an obvious question. Someone keeps all of these somewhere. There's like a wiki. Your fans are putting them everywhere.
Lea Michele
Yeah.
Jonathan Groff
Or y' all do that.
Lea Michele
We do not do that. But I think there's one. There are a few devoted fans out there. Out there who update a living document like the Constitution.
Bowen Yang
Yes.
Lea Michele
Yes.
Matt Rogers
Devoted is a nice word.
Jonathan Groff
Yes.
Lea Michele
Devoted. I love devoted. I used the word devoted in. Oh, I said it last night at dinner. We cut a joke for one of our nominations, but.
Bowen Yang
Oh, I'm sorry.
Lea Michele
It was belly worship. And I was like, devote. I want to devote myself to belly worship.
Matt Rogers
Devote is good. Devote as hopelessly devoted.
Jonathan Groff
Devoted, my love.
Bowen Yang
We're just going to reveal this. One of the categories stories is Shrek award for top thing we want to do to that green guy. And one of the potential nominees was belly worship.
Matt Rogers
Yeah.
Bowen Yang
But it got cut. It got cut in favor of what we felt were stronger nominees. But I guess we'll see. It'll be up to.
Matt Rogers
It's nice for the DVD.
Lea Michele
Sure.
Bowen Yang
By the way Shrek had some really good DVD extras.
Jonathan Groff
That was one of the good DVDs.
Bowen Yang
Cameron.
Jonathan Groff
That's something.
Bowen Yang
Cameron.
Jonathan Groff
Cameron.
Matt Rogers
Oh, my God. Maybe the. That's where she was.
Jonathan Groff
That's where she was hottest. That's. I want that for Dick so bad to do commentary.
Matt Rogers
I know. And they filmed all that behind the scenes footage.
Jonathan Groff
I know.
Lea Michele
Where is it?
Jonathan Groff
I don't know.
Matt Rogers
But they did in the vaults, honey. In Disney's vaults.
Lea Michele
Y' all have the vinyl and the Sewer Boys merch. Not enough.
Jonathan Groff
Good point.
Bowen Yang
You know, the talk back should be you two and Megan the.
Matt Rogers
Or Mole. Ally.
Bowen Yang
Oh, the.
Jonathan Groff
The.
Lea Michele
The. The.
Bowen Yang
Of course.
Jonathan Groff
The.
Bowen Yang
Megan Mulally is a huge rap artist.
Matt Rogers
She is a huge rap artist.
Jonathan Groff
Rap artist.
Bowen Yang
You can't get her in.
Lea Michele
I bet she would list the movie
Matt Rogers
in her Playbill bioheat.
Bowen Yang
Oh, I know.
Matt Rogers
Someone needs to go.
Lea Michele
Damn savage.
Jonathan Groff
I did see a gay guy on the subway the other day in three pieces of Megan Thee, Stallion, Moulin Rouge Merch, T shirt, Hat Tote. And I went, let's go.
Bowen Yang
All of it at once. I did watch the Megan Thee Stallion, Moulin rouge Medley. Approximately 200 years.
Lea Michele
It was huge.
Jonathan Groff
I mean, come on.
Bowen Yang
Smiling ear to earth? Absolutely. Like hell bent on buying a ticket. Yeah. She's like.
Lea Michele
It's. It's a different kind of stunt casting quote unquote when it's like, oh, you just let the person who is a natural live performer, like just do their thing.
Jonathan Groff
I mean the part that's just that, you know.
Matt Rogers
Exactly.
Bowen Yang
Yeah.
Matt Rogers
She's not playing Sateen.
Jonathan Groff
Exactly.
Bowen Yang
She could.
Lea Michele
She could cough into a napkin.
Bowen Yang
She will remember our theater spree. Yes.
Matt Rogers
I'd never read so much theater.
Jonathan Groff
We have to go, Ben Spree.
Bowen Yang
We have to go back.
Jonathan Groff
What should we see this summer?
Matt Rogers
There's something I want. I do want to see Lost Boys.
Jonathan Groff
Lost Boys.
Matt Rogers
I want to see Lost Boys.
Jonathan Groff
That. I want to see.
Matt Rogers
These twinks fly around.
Bowen Yang
Do they fly?
Jonathan Groff
Yes. Spider Man.
Matt Rogers
They're vampires. It's the most second most expensive musical of all time.
Bowen Yang
Stop.
Matt Rogers
After Spider Man.
Bowen Yang
Really?
Matt Rogers
Them twinks are flying.
Lea Michele
Them twinks are flying.
Jonathan Groff
It's.
Lea Michele
It's all about the wires.
Jonathan Groff
It's all about.
Bowen Yang
We saw Rocky. Harry. You. Did you see it yet?
Lea Michele
I have not. I've been seeing it Tuesday.
Bowen Yang
I really enjoyed it.
Jonathan Groff
It was great.
Lea Michele
Rocky Hill.
Jonathan Groff
I loved it. I'll see it again. We said.
Matt Rogers
Oh. We went to the opening of Cat's Chuckle Ball and the opening of Rocky Horror. Both times set directly behind Murray Hill,
Bowen Yang
which was showbiz Both times have the
Jonathan Groff
experience of like you're talking and then in front of you someone goes, hey,
Bowen Yang
Shell Biz, that's amazing.
Lea Michele
Exactly who you want to be when
Matt Rogers
I'm not even talking, like, oh, a couple, couple rows away. Or like a little like right, right
Jonathan Groff
in front of us.
Matt Rogers
Both times, Murray Hill.
Jonathan Groff
Murray Hill.
Bowen Yang
Wow. Killing me.
Jonathan Groff
Because showbiz, they're doing a pre show speech. Like the director of the Roundabout, he's thanking court partners and he's like, of course. American Express. Murray, let's go amex.
Bowen Yang
Let's go amex.
Jonathan Groff
Showbiz, amex.
Bowen Yang
The rise of Marie Hill is on a great. Is a great New York show.
Matt Rogers
Well, it was foretold. It was foretold.
Lea Michele
It was foretold.
Matt Rogers
Of course.
Jonathan Groff
Has Murray been on pod?
Lea Michele
No. He should.
Matt Rogers
That would be fun.
Bowen Yang
And yeah, by the way, you know who likes Nathan Leigh Graham has been on.
Lea Michele
Not for many years.
Bowen Yang
Not for a very long time.
Jonathan Groff
I was thinking that recently when we were kiking with him, we hung out
Matt Rogers
with him at the Titanico.
Jonathan Groff
That's a person that can make me shut up because I just am like, please, only you, Todd.
Lea Michele
Funniest.
Bowen Yang
Yeah.
Matt Rogers
I said, because Nathan Lee Graham was in the original lachiusa Wild Party, which me and my sister used to listen to a lot in high school. And I saw with Tony and I saw the City Center Encores production, which was wonderful. And when we ran into Nathan, I said, oh, my God, Nathan, the whole time during Wild Party, I was thinking of you. He goes, I bet you were
Jonathan Groff
perfect. I bet you were perfect creature, perfect person.
Bowen Yang
He was on the podcast, like within the first maybe two years of us having it.
Jonathan Groff
And he was back in the apartment.
Bowen Yang
The first thing we asked.
Jonathan Groff
Forever Dog Apartment.
Bowen Yang
This was at a.
Lea Michele
We were at we work. I remember that day. Yeah, I'm so excited.
Bowen Yang
We used to do this out of a we work for like months. And then he came in, he came in with a tea. And the first thing we asked him was, we're like, what's your tea flavor? And he'd just goes, constant comment.
Lea Michele
I still remember.
Bowen Yang
And that was the title of that right away comment.
Jonathan Groff
I feel like we've said this before, but I do think Nathan Lee Graham and Zoolander is like blueprint, like a. A piece of gay iconography that like created a generation of.
Bowen Yang
My mistake.
Jonathan Groff
I really do think we.
Lea Michele
And we would all go on to play a gay assistant.
Bowen Yang
We really would.
Matt Rogers
We're all, yeah, have I done it?
Bowen Yang
Have I done an assistant?
Jonathan Groff
God, I feel like I have that.
Matt Rogers
I'VE definitely been like, gay guy like that. I don't know if I was an assistant, but I've definitely been, like, a bitchy gay guy.
Lea Michele
Like, even Caleb Herrun, he just did it. He's joined us in the, like, in.
Jonathan Groff
Well, he's the king of gay assistant mountain right now. He's sort of the number one chair,
Bowen Yang
top chair, big time.
Jonathan Groff
Until someone else takes him to be in dlp. He's the final boss at this moment.
Bowen Yang
Oh, I guess maybe something happens at
Matt Rogers
the end of the phone.
Bowen Yang
Oh, I bet there's a turn with that cat character.
Matt Rogers
You'll have to see the film. They go to Milan.
Bowen Yang
They do, yes.
Lea Michele
An amazing city.
Bowen Yang
I wish we had seen more of it.
Lea Michele
Yeah, well, there's. There's not much to see, honestly.
Matt Rogers
It's just y' all are dragging Milan a little bit.
Lea Michele
I think Milan likes being dragged because we were even talking to the locals there. They're like, shots fired. Yeah.
Bowen Yang
Not like Mulan. Don't drag her.
Lea Michele
Don't drag her.
Bowen Yang
You want a sword to the neck?
Jonathan Groff
Thank you.
Matt Rogers
Let's get down.
Lea Michele
Wait.
Matt Rogers
I just learned that Carrie Fisher did punch ups on Anastasia script.
Bowen Yang
She did punch ups. She was doing punch ups on everything.
Matt Rogers
But isn't that fierce?
Bowen Yang
She was one of the most prolific Hollywood script documents.
Jonathan Groff
Listen, do we have the, like, full list of everything she did? Punch em off? Cause I feel like every year you learn a new one.
Matt Rogers
I learned this from Izzy's Be Kind rewind, which everyone should watch.
Lea Michele
Oh, I love.
Jonathan Groff
Izzy should be on Pod. That'd be fun.
Matt Rogers
Oh, God, yeah. If you can get her.
Jonathan Groff
Good luck.
Lea Michele
Good luck.
Matt Rogers
She took Michael to Judy Garland's jacket unveiling at Carnegie hall, so.
Lea Michele
Holy moly. Oh, is he so happy.
Matt Rogers
Happy as a clam.
Lea Michele
Damn.
Jonathan Groff
There was something we were all trying to get tickets to. I feel like someone's like, can everybody do this date? And Michael had to be like, no, I'm seeing Judy Garland's jacket unveiling. We were going to go to Josh
Matt Rogers
Daniels Cabaret, which I had to leave to see Amy Jo Jackson be Tamara,
Jonathan Groff
but I loved hearing that. No, I have to go see Judy Garland.
Matt Rogers
I can't be going to Carnegie hall to see Judy Gartner's jacket.
Lea Michele
And it's the jacket from the night.
Matt Rogers
It's from the night, yeah.
Lea Michele
Oh, my God.
Matt Rogers
Lorna was there.
Lea Michele
Lorna.
Bowen Yang
Ms. L. Ms. L. You know that we.
Jonathan Groff
Lorna and Orna. That would be a sh.2 on a quick.
Lea Michele
She'll come 54 below nick.
Jonathan Groff
Yes. And they do sideshow and they do
Lea Michele
Sideshow Never leave you. They should come on for the tour.
Jonathan Groff
They should come on for the tour.
Bowen Yang
It's us and Lorna Love and Orna Girl. I do think for the tour, as a rule, it needs a certain surprise fifth at the end of every show.
Matt Rogers
Yes.
Jonathan Groff
Well, I.
Matt Rogers
That's.
Jonathan Groff
I don't know if we can say this on it, but I think it would be funny if we did like an iconic R B song. Like one of the ones that has one of the, like, speaking monologues, you know, like. And like someone like Ariana Grande comes out to only do the speaking part and then leave.
Matt Rogers
Doesn't sing.
Jonathan Groff
We need. We need a. A C singer to come out and just do the, like the, like leaving the voicemail part.
Matt Rogers
Yeah, yeah, the skit.
Lea Michele
Do you know what has a great just opening, speaking of this sort of canon is Whitney Houston and Deborah Cox.
Jonathan Groff
Yes.
Lea Michele
Same script, different cast.
Matt Rogers
Yes.
Lea Michele
It starts. It opens with Whitney going, deb, thank you for being woman enough to come. And then Deborah goes, whitney, what's this about? And then they started.
Bowen Yang
Okay, so, yeah, what's this about?
Matt Rogers
What's this about?
Jonathan Groff
So, yeah, Ari comes out with, Deb,
Lea Michele
thank you for being woman enough to come.
Bowen Yang
Whitney, what's this about? What's this about?
Jonathan Groff
Ari and Ben Platt come out and they just do those two lines and then they leave.
Bowen Yang
They leave. So this is. I don't think so, honey. Whatever. You know what it is?
Matt Rogers
Okay.
Bowen Yang
I explain it every single time on. On the episode. And every single time when I get to the explanation, it's end. I'm like, why did I do that?
Jonathan Groff
Well, if you don't know, pause right now and go and listen to any other episode.
Bowen Yang
Explain it on every single, single one.
Jonathan Groff
The work.
Bowen Yang
Okay, okay.
Lea Michele
Matt Rogers has one. This is Matt Rogers. I don't think so, honey. His time starts now.
Bowen Yang
I don't think so, honey. Andrew Lloyd Webber being like, well, we can't do the balcony scene in Evita because we have gun laws in Britain. The reason they can't do it is because there's no balcony at that theater where that would make it logistically feasible. I don't think so, honey. That we needed to make it about gun violence.
Lea Michele
And now we're picturing Zegler getting. Getting sniped.
Bowen Yang
And now I'm picturing it. And I'm sure now she is like, well, yeah, I guess that was an option. Wasn't thinking about it. But let's just remind all of America
Matt Rogers
they let them do it in.
Bowen Yang
What the wound is that we're walking around with which is that we have no goddamn gun laws. But that is not the reason cannot do this element. I'm sure they'll think of something. Something. Here's an idea. You blast her out into Times Square. She does it from there.
Jonathan Groff
From a cannon.
Bowen Yang
I like that idea Jamie Lloyd. But I will say we didn't need to go there. Andrew Lloyd Webber. Kind of similar to Cinderella, the bad musical. You know the one year old I
Jonathan Groff
didn't know he said that.
Bowen Yang
There you go.
Jonathan Groff
Shots really funny.
Bowen Yang
Shots fired. And not in that way.
Lea Michele
He could have said the same thing for Sunset Boulevard.
Matt Rogers
They did it eight times a week.
Bowen Yang
They did it eight times a week.
Matt Rogers
Sleep in snow.
Lea Michele
He's out there for a walk while
Matt Rogers
something that was so fun was what I can't remember the theater. The St. James. What? What theater is the St. James? Right across from Sardis. If you went to Sardis during intermission you got to live watch. Every time we get a martini and
Jonathan Groff
sit at the plain glass they just watch Tom go down the street.
Bowen Yang
That's it was really fun.
Jonathan Groff
You can hear thing you get to watch this person. Sometimes they have umbrellas.
Bowen Yang
It's craving.
Jonathan Groff
It was.
Bowen Yang
I love when they add a little. You know I saw it four times. Yeah, I would have I it was
Jonathan Groff
if I was rich like you. Oh please, oh please drag her.
Lea Michele
Oh, after the drama desk.
Jonathan Groff
After the drama desk.
Matt Rogers
Well there's that prize money.
Jonathan Groff
Yeah, don't Forget about that $200,000 prize
Lea Michele
from Rue down and make jewelry.
Jonathan Groff
We should go see Lost Boys. I'm really glad.
Lea Michele
I would love that.
Jonathan Groff
That would be fun.
Matt Rogers
I really want to see Lost Boys.
Lea Michele
We should do it. We should play them. Go.
Jonathan Groff
No no, no.
Matt Rogers
Do you have an item?
Jonathan Groff
No, I just wouldn't. Was Andrew Lloyd Webber. I can't believe he said that.
Matt Rogers
But we've moved on so funny.
Bowen Yang
He's one of our most be saying things people.
Matt Rogers
Yeah, he be he been rich too long.
Bowen Yang
Never forget when he was a guest judge on American Idol years and years and years ago. And they were doing Andrew the music of Andrew led Webber which sure.
Jonathan Groff
And that was a coincidence actually they
Matt Rogers
booked him as gas before they figured
Bowen Yang
it just happened they were doing it and this girl was singing Memory or something.
Matt Rogers
Yeah, that's one of the ones.
Bowen Yang
And. And he was like no, no no. Remember when you sing this you're an old glamour puss. And she was like 17 year old
Matt Rogers
girl from fucking Iowa.
Bowen Yang
He definitely said the word glamour puss. And I'll never forget they when Joel McHale hosted the Soup years ago. He just played the clip about 18 times in a row of glamourpoose. Actually, I did think the Soup was the height of glamour.
Jonathan Groff
No, but this is good direct to Rachel Zegler because I know you're watching.
Matt Rogers
You always do.
Jonathan Groff
When you're a Vita up there. You're a glamour.
Matt Rogers
Glamour puss. Don't you dare forget it. Don't you dare forget you're a glam.
Jonathan Groff
She knows, but it bears repeating.
Matt Rogers
You're a glamour pussy is not a glamour puss. Aida is a glam.
Bowen Yang
She can play any role. Get it?
Jonathan Groff
Yeah.
Lea Michele
Yep.
Bowen Yang
You know what? I. Listen. You know what was. You know what was on my. For sure top five most played. But I think Spotify, like, couldn't compute this level of gay. So it didn't make.
Jonathan Groff
What year are we talking?
Bowen Yang
Last year it was the. The phone call scene from Sunset Boulevard when Nicole is like, is this. This is safer? Yes, I'm calling. And it's just this whole crazy ass phone. Do you know where you live?
Jonathan Groff
And Spotify wouldn't put it on there.
Bowen Yang
I was just. I listened to it so many times.
Matt Rogers
It was good.
Lea Michele
And it. And it charted for Matt.
Jonathan Groff
Yeah.
Matt Rogers
Did we see the Glenn Close revival
Jonathan Groff
revival together for my birthday?
Matt Rogers
Because we were so far back.
Lea Michele
Yeah.
Matt Rogers
And everyone's clapping because of her entrance. We could only see her little.
Bowen Yang
We were screaming.
Jonathan Groff
We were in.
Bowen Yang
We were in probably the third row from the back. It was like 15 of us. We all bought.
Matt Rogers
It was a huge theater.
Bowen Yang
I got 17 each to Sunset Boulevard. The revival with Glenn Cliff.
Jonathan Groff
This was the 80s.
Bowen Yang
The 80s. Of course, she comes out. Just her feet are showing. That's all we can see. And we have seen everyone else.
Lea Michele
That's bad direction and blocking. They don't care about the pores.
Bowen Yang
They care about the pores.
Jonathan Groff
She should have done it like this.
Matt Rogers
Uh. Oh.
Lea Michele
Don't show a hole.
Matt Rogers
Oh, she's. She's funny because she was like,
Bowen Yang
well, we wish. We can't get one Hawkeye. All right.
Lea Michele
Oh, God. Do I have one?
Bowen Yang
Do you? I mean, I found mine just.
Jonathan Groff
I can do one if you don't have it.
Bowen Yang
No.
Jonathan Groff
Do you need to go first? I forget if that's required.
Bowen Yang
I feel like I don't want to
Lea Michele
go, actually, since we break form all the time here.
Matt Rogers
It's true.
Lea Michele
Maybe Josh goes.
Matt Rogers
You have one.
Jonathan Groff
Yeah.
Bowen Yang
With one minute.
Jonathan Groff
It came to me earlier.
Bowen Yang
This is Joshua D Sharp.
Jonathan Groff
I need to get this off my chest.
Bowen Yang
I don't think so, honey. And his time starts now.
Jonathan Groff
I Don't think so, honey. To all you folks at home beating your meat to how sexy my voice sounds right now. Ugh. I hate how much y' all are stroking your hogs. Because my voice is just so sexy. Stroking those pussies and those cocks just because I have the such a sexy, sexy voice. I don't think so, honey. Y' all are little pervert pickies. Let me be Grinder. Just because my voice sounds like sex.
Bowen Yang
30 seconds.
Jonathan Groff
Oh, I don't think so, honey. I don't think that y' all are about to come because of my voice right now.
Bowen Yang
This is just too much.
Jonathan Groff
Oh, I don't want y' all to come because I said sounds so and you're watching me too. I don't think so, honey. Don't come.
Bowen Yang
It is a podcast.
Jonathan Groff
Oh.
Bowen Yang
Oh, don't come. Kamala coded.
Jonathan Groff
Come right now.
Bowen Yang
And that's one minute.
Lea Michele
We can't cut that down for socials.
Bowen Yang
No one did come.
Jonathan Groff
Did I ask you to play the whole thing?
Lea Michele
That's all podcasts are these days.
Bowen Yang
Dj, run it back.
Matt Rogers
Hit the track.
Bowen Yang
Hit the track.
Lea Michele
I've got one.
Matt Rogers
Okay, I really need one.
Lea Michele
That was amazing.
Bowen Yang
That was really good. I needed to remember that. This is Bonya Ang's. I don't think so, honey. His time starts now.
Lea Michele
I don't think so, honey. What's the deal with sparkling water?
Matt Rogers
There she goes.
Lea Michele
Oh, and it's spicy. And you like it. And sparkling will not. When the lights are off, there's no light to refract through the bubbles. And isn't that interesting? And yet we still call it that. You know what we call it in other languages? Water with air. Because that's all it is. Let's not give it too much editorializing by calling it sparkling. The Sharon doesn't really need to be there, does it? Now you can say sparkle water. Sparkling is just still in process. Still in process. And it's ephemeral, honey. Like all things in life, at one point it will stop sparkling and bubbling. Let it be what it is, which is just carbonated water, which you would have to make out of some crazy contraption. 5 seconds your phosphates in that and it would be okay. I want my sodas sweet and not neutral. Spicy.
Bowen Yang
That's one minute.
Jonathan Groff
I love that.
Matt Rogers
Spicy.
Jonathan Groff
You're so right. Everywhere else, congas and also syngas. It's interesting that that's the binary. With air or without air.
Lea Michele
Questioning, script, question.
Bowen Yang
Clarifying question.
Lea Michele
Yes.
Bowen Yang
Gerund. This is just a word with ing.
Lea Michele
No, there's a specific use of the ing.
Jonathan Groff
But most ing verbs are gonna be gerund.
Lea Michele
Are gonna be gerunds.
Bowen Yang
Okay, so ing in action.
Lea Michele
Is it gerund? Yes, yes, yes.
Bowen Yang
Kissing. I was running. I was picking, just choosing.
Lea Michele
Kissing.
Jonathan Groff
Well, yeah, I was fisting.
Matt Rogers
Fisting. Fucking, jerking, lying.
Bowen Yang
I was allowing Aaron Jackson.
Lea Michele
I was steaming.
Matt Rogers
Steaming.
Lea Michele
I can't believe that I caught my man cheating.
Bowen Yang
I'm trying to think of the next line.
Lea Michele
No, I know, I'm sorry, I skipped one. I was steaming.
Bowen Yang
Scheming.
Lea Michele
While he was scheming. I was beaming in the beam. Just be. Just steaming.
Bowen Yang
Oh, here's a question. Is it still a gerund if they stylize it like steaming?
Jonathan Groff
Yeah, sure, that's a gerund.
Matt Rogers
Yeah, I was going to say got you.
Bowen Yang
Got me, girl. Girl. That's what you get here on La Culteristas. Incisive wordplay.
Matt Rogers
Incisive.
Bowen Yang
So these have been really, really good so far today.
Matt Rogers
How will I compete?
Bowen Yang
And I do not envy you, Aaron Jackson.
Jonathan Groff
You can pass. No one's done it, but you always have the option to go pass.
Matt Rogers
I have one. I think. Okay, well, it's.
Jonathan Groff
I thinking Jaron.
Matt Rogers
I thinking.
Lea Michele
I thinking.
Bowen Yang
I have one. I thinking.
Lea Michele
Okay, ready?
Bowen Yang
This is Aaron Jackson's. I don't think so, honey. His time starts now.
Matt Rogers
I don't think so, honey. That the kitchen. The room of the kitchen continues to. Continues to be dirty. You clean it very well. Bleach the whole gag not but a day later stains upon the floor once again. And all you did was get some yogurt out. It's not like you made a big marinara pot and had it bubbling for all your nanas and nanos. You simply 30 seconds. Got a slop of yogurt in a bowl and then suddenly cover. You have to once again reach for
Jonathan Groff
the mop and I don't think the counter.
Matt Rogers
Oh, honey, that room has got an attitude.
Bowen Yang
Teen second.
Matt Rogers
And it needs to figure itself why so many staying.
Jonathan Groff
Give him extra time. No, two minutes.
Matt Rogers
I would like that room to take a note from bed, living or bath. Even a little less noise from you kitchen. I don't think so, honey. You're filthy.
Jonathan Groff
Give him extra time.
Bowen Yang
It's one minute. But he ended it himself.
Lea Michele
You don't think bath has an attitude.
Matt Rogers
But there's soap in there so it just sort of gets a little cleaner. And sometimes I feel like I clean the toilet with a simple bit of bleach and it's good for like a week.
Jonathan Groff
No toilet has an attitude. Toilet has kitchen and bathroom.
Matt Rogers
No, y' all gotta go back in your kitchen. I bet you right now.
Jonathan Groff
I agree with you, but I'm saying the toilet be doing the same thing next. You clean it, then you go pee and poop. Instantly it dirty again because there's water in it.
Matt Rogers
It just goes away quickly.
Lea Michele
You use the brush to clean the toilet.
Jonathan Groff
Damn, y' all are claw.
Bowen Yang
Ever thought of about cooking with soap? I just open your mind. I just open your mind. No, not Nana.
Jonathan Groff
Don't come in. I made soup stew.
Matt Rogers
You're nonas and your no nos.
Jonathan Groff
Soup stew.
Matt Rogers
Soup stew. Come on in.
Bowen Yang
Nona Nano. I made soup stew. And this time with soap.
Matt Rogers
Death. He died doing what he loved, a bad bit.
Bowen Yang
Died doing what he loved, a bad bit. It was a good bit, Josh.
Jonathan Groff
It was a good bit. Drama desk, my love.
Bowen Yang
Drama desk nominee.
Matt Rogers
When Rocky Horror was a critics pick.
Lea Michele
Yes.
Jonathan Groff
We were at the after party.
Matt Rogers
Reese Havoc slash Austin Spiro, legendary legend ball. First thing they say when they walk in is, critics pick, my love. And that made us laugh so hard.
Lea Michele
So hard.
Jonathan Groff
So all night we were going.
Lea Michele
Critics pick my critics, definitely.
Jonathan Groff
And so that truly when I say the morning of Drama desk, I get a voicemail from Austin Sparrow. Drama desk, my love.
Matt Rogers
Drama desk, my love.
Lea Michele
It's the new sickening.
Bowen Yang
No.
Jonathan Groff
Sickening.
Bowen Yang
No. It's the new sickening.
Lea Michele
No.
Jonathan Groff
Drama desk, my love.
Lea Michele
When you take a brush from the toilet or the plunger, you clean it with bleach, you let it dry, you put it back in. Two seconds later, you go back to the bathroom. Why is the holder covered in shit?
Jonathan Groff
This is what I'm talking about.
Lea Michele
It is kitchen and bathroom do not let bathroom off the wall.
Matt Rogers
And also bathroom, like your shower curtain gets mold when you did nothing wrong.
Lea Michele
You wanna know what the red is?
Matt Rogers
The red.
Bowen Yang
Oh, God, don't ruin our red.
Lea Michele
The red thing on, like the plastic. Like if you. I don't have this anymore.
Matt Rogers
Here we go.
Lea Michele
But I remember in college I'm trying
Jonathan Groff
to have a weekend. Is this gonna ruin my weekend?
Lea Michele
I don't know. But when you have like a plastic shower curtain lining, sometimes it gets pink.
Matt Rogers
Yeah.
Bowen Yang
Yeah.
Lea Michele
Fucking like blood. No, no, no. It's like. It's like a mold slash algae.
Bowen Yang
Oh, I didn't realize it's mold. That's what that is.
Matt Rogers
But that's life.
Jonathan Groff
That's chocolate.
Bowen Yang
Life get moldy sometimes they need to bring back. But we still keep eating.
Jonathan Groff
It's chocolate. We were at.
Bowen Yang
Hey, wouldn't you agree? Life get moldy sometimes. We still keep Eating it.
Matt Rogers
What is mold if not a living thing? Thank you. Bless her. Bless that mango.
Bowen Yang
It's a beautiful thing. Growing through the cracks of something hard and challenging. All right, everyone, guess the title of one of. This is the last thing we're gonna do in the episode. Okay, guess the title of one of the Ariana Grande AG8. Now, we know it's called Pedal. You cannot guess Pedal.
Matt Rogers
Yeah, right, right, right.
Bowen Yang
But guess the title of an Ariana Grande track. And if any of us are right, I don't know what happens.
Lea Michele
Okay?
Bowen Yang
But we'll figure it out.
Matt Rogers
Give us a right the other. Buy them an all expense paid trip to someone else.
Lea Michele
Los Angeles.
Bowen Yang
Los Angeles. Los Angeles, California.
Matt Rogers
Exactly. We'll grab a big la, girls. Yeah.
Jonathan Groff
And this is the last thing we're gonna do.
Bowen Yang
Comfort plus.
Jonathan Groff
So I just want to say everybody only gets one hour to make their pick because this is the last thing we're gonna do. So an hour apiece. Okay, so just like four more hours.
Bowen Yang
Okay, Josh, you're first. Well, that's an hour. So it's time.
Jonathan Groff
There's going to be a song called Rooted. Wow.
Bowen Yang
Really good. O O T E D or R
Matt Rogers
U D E D, R U Rude.
Lea Michele
R O U T E Rude.
Jonathan Groff
All I'll say is there's a song called Rooted. Rooted.
Lea Michele
Rooted. Rooted. Rooted. Either Hard, hard D or soft T. Oh, like.
Matt Rogers
Or it's about RuPaul.
Bowen Yang
Porque los rudid.
Jonathan Groff
Ruded, Rude.
Lea Michele
Okay. No los das. Los tres. Okay.
Matt Rogers
No les tres.
Bowen Yang
What about you, Aaron Rudin?
Matt Rogers
The song will be called Wet Wind.
Bowen Yang
Wet Wind.
Jonathan Groff
After you make your guest put your push your mic away because you're done with the episode.
Lea Michele
Whet.
Matt Rogers
Wet wind.
Bowen Yang
Do you want to Wet wind?
Lea Michele
Yeah. There will be a song on the album Pedal on the first Ariana Grande album under her new Baby Doll music imprint called Lost in the House.
Bowen Yang
This is my guess for the Ariana Grande song title on Pedal. Bokeh.
Matt Rogers
Bokeh. Bokeh.
Bowen Yang
And it's going to be. People don't know if she's talking about her homeland.
Lea Michele
Yeah. Or the Spanish word for mouth.
Bowen Yang
The Spanish word for mouth. Three times. Could be either. We don't know what kind of area she's in. Is she in a retrospective era or a little Physicians horror era? I'm pushing away.
Lea Michele
That was a great exercise. And we really didn't get that into for the tour, which I think we'll
Jonathan Groff
have to save for wanting more for the tour.
Bowen Yang
I thought you said Lorne.
Matt Rogers
Sorry, Lorna.
Lea Michele
Because I'm the industry.
Matt Rogers
Lorna Dern, St Max again.
Bowen Yang
Do you guys want to to promote anything? Promote anything.
Jonathan Groff
I wish everyone would read a book.
Lea Michele
Thank you.
Jonathan Groff
Any book will do.
Matt Rogers
Why not mine?
Bowen Yang
Yeah, why not?
Lea Michele
Astonishing Life August Morch.
Jonathan Groff
Morch the Torch. Astonishing Life of Morch the Torch.
Lea Michele
August the talkest.
Bowen Yang
We hope you enjoyed this episode of Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang.
Matt Rogers
Please like and subscribe for more at the Patreon. Follow us at YouTube. Patreon?
Bowen Yang
We don't have a Patreon. That's them being imposters. If Las Culturistas Patreon starts popping up, it's them trying to make a quick buck.
Matt Rogers
Or a slow one.
Bowen Yang
We gotta get our producer off Grindr.
Lea Michele
She's on Grindr.
Matt Rogers
All right.
Lea Michele
We end every episode with a song.
Jonathan Groff
Well, we end every episode with.
Lea Michele
Grateful for My Wet Win. Goodbye.
Matt Rogers
Goodbye.
Lea Michele
Las Culturistas is a production by Will Ferrell's Big money players in iHeartRadio podcasts,
Bowen Yang
created and hosted by Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, executive produced by Anna Hosnier and produced by Becca Ramos, edited and
Lea Michele
mixed by Doug Bame.
Bowen Yang
And our music is by Henry Komirsky.
Matt Rogers
This is an iHeart podcast.
Podcast Announcer
Guaranteed Human.
Episode Date: May 6, 2026
Hosts: Matt Rogers, Bowen Yang
Guests: Aaron Jackson (“Jonathan Groff”), Josh Sharp (“Lea Michele”)
In this uproarious episode of Las Culturistas, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang are joined by the effervescent Aaron Jackson and Josh Sharp for a free-wheeling, reference-laden, hyper-meta journey across pop culture, Broadway, queer identity, and truly every tangent imaginable. Expect inside jokes, irreverent debates, personal anecdotes, and several patently unserious “rules of culture.” The episode embodies the pod’s signature: a mix of drag and homage, self-aware camp, gay banter, and a relentless worship of the theater.
The episode is a hilarious, improvised, and often anarchic blend of queer Broadway inside jokes, pop-culture hot takes, absurdist speculation, and deep-cut theater lore. The banter is quick-witted, self-referential, and campy, with the trademark Las Culturistas combination of earnestness and performative irreverence.
If you haven’t listened:
This episode will both delight and challenge newcomers. Expect rapid-fire in-jokes, intentionally muddled identities, and an endless parade of gay cultural deep cuts. At its heart, the episode is about chosen family, queer joy, nostalgia for theater, and the obsessive worship of pop culture.
TL;DR:
Las Culturistas at its most maximalist, careening through theater, pop, and gay life, powered by references, in-jokes, and affectionate shade. The show ends in classic fashion—with riffing, rule creation, and the institutionally beloved “I Don’t Think So, Honey.”