Two Guys, Five Rings: Matt + Bowen at the Olympics in Milan

Summary

Las Culturistas: “Two Guys, Five Rings: Matt + Bowen at the Olympics in Milan”

Date: February 14, 2026
Hosts: Matt Rogers & Bowen Yang
Theme: The Culturistas bring their signature pop-culture lens to the 2026 Milan-Cortina Winter Olympics, sharing their immersive (and hilarious) behind-the-scenes experiences—from the airport welcome to the spectacle of the Opening Ceremony.

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1. Episode Overview

Matt and Bowen, as self-proclaimed "culture consultants," broadcast live from the heart of Milan during the Olympics, giving listeners a hilariously candid and colorful peek into both the grandeur and minutiae of the Games. The focus: an outsider’s deep dive on pageantry, Italian hosting, Mariah Carey sightings, memorable foods, celebrity moments, and the cultural impact of events like the Opening Ceremony.

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2. Key Discussion Points & Insights

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A. Milan Arrival & Team USA Welcome Experience

Timestamps: 03:00–08:12

• Travel Recap: After joking for episodes that they deserved to go to the Olympics, the duo finally makes it, with Matt declaring, "All our bags made it… and we're absolutely dripping in Ralph Lauren swag." (05:09)
• Airport VIP: They walk through the Team USA arrival experience—a simulated Olympic arrival, with personalized video greetings from athletes’ families:
    "Everyone at all the installations comes out and claps… You stand in front of a screen and they play a video that is personalized to the teams that are arriving." (06:14)
• OLYMPICS-THEMED MERCH:
    "You haven't lived until you've seen the Olympics themed skim panties… and thigh-high socks." (06:54)
  • Matt and Bowen don Opening Ceremony coats—admitting, “Don’t worry, it was stolen valor!” (07:46)
  • They joke about the generous swag not matching the shoebox-sized rooms in the Olympic Village.

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B. Cultural Connections & Curling Mania

Timestamps: 08:12–11:00

• Inspired by meeting Cleo Abram (journalist and huge curling fan), Bowen fixates on the sport:
  • "You're lunging, you're sweeping... you're getting beers after."
  • "It's called the gentleman's sport… You shake hands before the game starts." (08:51)
• Matt: "That feels very Canadian." Bowen adds: "I'm going to say it started in the UK. Scotland." (09:42)
• Admiring Cleo: "She looks like Julia Roberts. But she knows things about protein structure." (10:11 & 10:23)

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C. The Opening Ceremony: Reactions & Favorite Moments

Timestamps: 11:00–28:34

1. First Impressions & Celeb Sightings

• Matt: “When we walked in, I had one thought. Wow, this is like the ERAS Tour.” (11:53)
• Bowen meets "Mike," the (nameless) Opening Ceremony director, who tests their response: "'What'd you think?'... 'It was spectacular.' He goes, 'Well, I directed it.'" (11:19–11:21)

2. Mariah Carey Steals the Show

• Matt: “Let me tell you what was extremely amazing. Her performance in Italian. And then she sang her song Nothing is Impossible.” (13:41)
• “Probably the coolest part of being there BTS was watching them slowly walk her out… it takes three men to get Mariah out.” (14:11–14:15)

3. The Pageantry, The Chi, and the Snacks

• Matt and Bowen (tongue-in-cheek) critique the event’s hot dogs, mourn the lack of authentic chicken parm, and revel in the Italian flag’s “Caprese salad” aesthetic. (13:17, 21:17–21:43, 22:02)
• In-depth recount of Opening Ceremony elements:
  • Interpretive dance & “harmonia” theme: “The theme literally was harmony. But the theme was harmony. And there was harmony in the interpretive dance.” (17:53–17:56)
  • Matilda de Angelis’ performance: “I really liked her. I thought her lines were beautiful.” (19:11)
  • Giant puppet heads of Verdi, Puccini, and Rossini.
  • Paint tubes raining color and a mass of actors costumed as espresso makers.
    “Turns out all those guys were supposed to be espresso makers. This was where it got a little Italian flavor.” (20:30)
  • Parade of Nations: "So many cute outfits...It’s so lovely to see Italian athletes coming in." (31:25–31:32)
  • The acclaim for Laura Pausini’s Italian national anthem.

4. Showstoppers & Symbolism

• Bowen admires the Olympic rings spectacle:
    "That took my breath away… because they were not super secure on those things." (24:48–24:54)
• Italian national anthem: “It sounds like a song that would win Eurovision. And it’s their national anthem.” (26:02–26:07)
• Matt: “I didn’t realize Italy was the club in this way.” (26:13)
• Parade of Nations coverage, with notes on "widespread" camera cutting between Milan, Cortina, and Livigno. (32:10–32:31)
• Saluting the feeling of global unity:
    "I was watching, going like, oh, God, there's something really profound about everybody from around the world being here at the same time." (32:45)

5. Charlize Theron’s Peace Speech & Musical Climax

• Bowen on Charlize Theron: “There's something really powerful about the woman who played Aileen Wuornos, Furiosa and Ms Atomic Blonde … for a woman to know violence and say, guys from Atomic Blonde, cut it out with the war, for C’s sake. Made me go… this is impactful.” (33:05–33:53)
• Andrea Bocelli’s “Nessun Dorma” at the cauldron lighting:
    “The perfect synchronizing of the Olympic torch flame to the beat of Nessun Dorma sung by literally Pavarotti, who's still able to whip jelly—oh. When you say literally and it's wrong, I meant Bocelli.” (34:10–34:24)
• Ongoing joke about Italian “calderone” (cauldron) and Lady Gaga’s alter ego, Joe Calderone.

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D. Food, Culture, and Gay Stereotypes

Timestamps: 22:00–24:41

• Matt and Bowen riff on Italian food:
  • The lack of chicken parm (Matt: “It’s an Italian American invention.” 22:02)
  • A memorable Italian waiter’s dessert, purportedly “Italian Viagra.”
  • “You kind of know the guys are gay [in Italy] because they’re like, marry me.” (23:28)

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E. Medals for the Night: Awards Segment

Timestamps: 37:05–41:34

• Bronze Medal: Laura Pausini singing the national anthem.
  “That was so rousing.” (37:43–37:46)
• Silver Medal: Gabriela Paciatore (White Lotus’ “Valentina”) for her narrative-driven segment and stunning dance:
    “She starts dancing to this contemporary Italian…the first Italian rap song...Just like she did in White Lotus.” (39:34–40:43)
• Gold Medal: Andrea Bocelli’s “Nessun Dorma” and the opening ceremony director “Mike”:
    “…That was truly epic and just gold medal, honorary gold, platinum medal, as it were. To Mike. To Mike, who directed the stuff.” (41:09–41:27)

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3. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

(with timestamps & speaker)

• Matt (on being at the Olympics):
    "I never dreamed as a boy that I would ever ask these questions." (03:51)

• Bowen (on the Team USA arrival):
    "Everyone is clapping, clapping. Everyone there at all the installations comes out and claps." (06:14)

• Matt (skims sponsorship):
    "You haven't lived until you've seen the Olympics-themed Skim panties." (06:54)

• Bowen (on Mariah Carey's entrance):
    "Takes three men to get Mariah out…She was truly the doll." (14:15–14:23)

• On Olympic rings acrobatics:
    "That took my breath away…they were kind of doing it raw." (24:49–24:25)

• Matt (about Italy's national anthem):
    "It sounds like a song that would win Eurovision. And it’s their national anthem." (26:02)

• Bowen (on global unity):
    "There's something really profound about everybody from around the world being here at the same time." (32:45)

• Bowen (on cauldron):
    "I take issue with it being called a cauldron...It's too witchy...Just call it the Olympic Bowl." (35:05 – 36:19)

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4. Important Timestamps (Segments Worth Replaying)

• 03:00 Arrival in Milan and Team USA welcome experience
• 06:54 Opening Ceremony gear & Skims swag
• 08:33 The culture of curling (with Cleo Abram)
• 11:53 Opening Ceremony begins (ERAS Tour analogy)
• 13:41 Mariah Carey’s performance
• 17:53 Ceremony theme: “Harmony” and interpretive dance
• 19:01 Matilda de Angelis’ dance and opera puppets
• 20:30 Paint tubes, espresso makers, and Italian flavor
• 24:48 Olympic rings acrobatics
• 26:02 Raving about Italy’s national anthem
• 32:45 Expressing the emotional resonance of the Parade of Nations
• 33:05 Charlize Theron’s peace speech
• 34:10 (Correcting himself) It was Bocelli, not Pavarotti, singing “Nessun Dorma”
• 37:05 “Two Guys, Five Rings” medal ceremony
• 41:09 Honoring Bocelli and “Mike” the director

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5. Tone & Language

Throughout, Matt and Bowen serve witty, self-deprecating banter, gleeful pop-culture namechecks, and deep affection for spectacle and drama (“I celebrate witches!”). Their observations blend irreverence and sincerity—they poke affectionate fun at Italian culture, Olympic pageantry, and themselves as out-of-place podcasters suddenly living an Olympic dream.

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6. Conclusion: Takeaways for Listeners

• Culture at the Olympics: The Olympics as international spectacle, fashion show, and global pop-culture convergence.
• Italian Flavor: Every event, snack, and performance steeped in both tradition and surprising, modern glam.
• The Power of Pageantry: Opening Ceremony evoked awe and emotion, even for two culture-obsessives used to seeing it all.
• Behind the Scenes: The magic (and chaos) of live events—meeting creators, celebs, and feeling part of something bigger.
• Podcasting at the Olympics: Matt & Bowen prove you can be both Olympian and podcaster (shout-out to guest Adam Rippon, teased for next time).

Final send-off:
"Unforgettable. Just like the opening ceremony of Milan Cortina 2026... Harmony, everyone. Armania." (41:35 & 43:15)

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This summary provides a full-bodied taste of the Las Culturistas Olympic adventure, with plenty of entry points for pop-culture fans, Olympic devotees, and humor-loving listeners alike.

Transcript

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[D]

Ring, ring, ring Ring ring. Nah, that was a different, different melody that we did that time.

[A]

Well, it was an Italian sort of inflection, because here we are.

[D]

You feel the energy.

[A]

NBCA, YouTube.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Thank you.

[D]

Grazie mila.

[A]

NBC, YouTube.

[D]

Let me translate what I think that was. Thank you to NBC and YouTube for bringing us here to the Milan Cortina Olympics. Give it up, give it up, give it up. And we're here with the whole studio full of people. Yes. Interact.

[A]

Only in Milan does legacy media and new media come together like this so moodily.

[D]

If you are not enjoying us visually right now. And podcasts are now a visual medium across all formats. We are in a recreated Cortina esque log cabin studio.

[A]

We're in Cortina. Oh, gosh, it's so fun. Everyone at this Olympics is like, I'm going to Livinho tomorrow. I'll see you later. How long are you in Milan for? Oh, well, you have to go to the Duomo. And that's really all there is.

[D]

The chicest sentences you've ever said. Well, you have to go to the Duomo. How long are you in Milan? It's like, I never dreamed as a boy that I would ever ask these questions.

[A]

I grew up next to a water tower in Colorado in the suburbs. Well, I guess that's kind of Olympics adjacent.

[D]

My dad used to hang out with his friends at Chili's, and now I'm at the Milan Olympics.

[A]

Now I'm in Studio B at the ibc.

[D]

You hear that?

[A]

This is all jargon. This is all jargon for me.

[D]

International Broadcasting Center. That's what I'm guessing it is. Did I nail it? I knew it.

[A]

You know, Matt, let's talk through our arrival in Milan because we really are here.

[D]

This is not a bit. They actually did send us all those threats that we did like, oh, they better send us. It actually paid off. We're here.

[A]

I think we're doing good. I think we're representing our lovely collaborators. Well, certainly our country better than others.

[D]

Oh, we'll get into it.

[A]

We'll get into it.

[D]

But yeah, so we get here and a lot of people are gonna be asking the question, was this a better Italian arrival experience than the last time we came here, wherein all of our bags were missing for days and we were bagless in Sicily. We can reveal at this time all our bags made it. All our bags made it. And we're absolutely dripping in Ralph Lauren swag.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

And thank you, Ralph.

[A]

Thanks, Ralph. And we had a lovely flight. We got to go to the Team USA welcome experience.

[D]

The airport, we basically walked through. Exactly. They were kind enough to like simulate the experience of a US Olympian's arrival for us. And might we say it's a very, very, very emotional, exciting, personalized experience.

[A]

I was gonna say. Cause it's at the airport. It is at the airport. Sheraton.

[D]

Get into it.

[A]

Get into it. And we're pulling up going, gosh, if I'm off a nine hour flight and I'm about to have the most high stakes period of my life, last thing I wanna do is walk into a suite, into a gifting suite when I'm jet lagged. No, no, no. Then you walk up these escalators, there's like a gorgeous processional sort of bombast playing around you. Everyone is clapping, clapping.

[D]

Everyone there at all the installations comes out and claps. And then the coolest part is you stand in front of a screen and they play a video that is personalized to the teams that are arriving. And there are videos from home that surprise the athletes. And that has to be an incredibly emotional experience. Not just because they're incredibly tired, of course, but it's great to see your family too.

[A]

It's great to see your family, especially when you're tired, on a giant.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Sort of LED screen.

[D]

Yeah. There's my mom, all big, telling me she loves me and is proud.

[A]

There's mom next to the skims Oakley Station.

[D]

And you know, we went in there.

[A]

We went in there.

[D]

You haven't lived until you've seen the Olympics themed skim panties.

[A]

The Olympics themed skims panties. The Olympics themed skims thigh high sock.

[D]

For.

[A]

I would assume the bedroom in the Olympic Village. This is the thing. Tell them they're siccing these giant gift bags that are chic onto these world class athletes who are staying in a little shoebox of a room in the Olympic Village.

[D]

You know what?

[A]

That ain't right.

[D]

It gets them out enjoying the city. It gets them out practicing. I almost said rehearsing. I do almost say rehearsing a lot. But you know, again, an incredible experience. We got to try on the, the opening ceremony coats and sweaters that the U.S. team, we took videos and don't.

[A]

Worry, don't worry, it was stolen valor. Cause these people were treating us like we were Olympians and we were like, oh, we're, we're podcasters. It's like the polar opposite, the opposite of Olympics. But we are gonna have the great Adam Rippon, who is both an Olympian and a podcaster, proving you can do both. You can do both. I'm literally motivated to start curling after this trip.

[D]

You've been talking a lot about it.

[A]

Well, we met the incredible Cleo Abram.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Who? It's her favorite sport.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

She did a whole 18 minute explainer video that I watched just with precision and in total sort of thrall.

[D]

That would be the sport for you. Curling.

[A]

You're lunging, you're sweeping, you get into a deep lunge, you're shaking hands, you're getting beers after. You get beers after.

[D]

Really? Beer is a part of the filling.

[A]

The winning team has to buy.

[D]

They're nodding.

[A]

Both teams. Yeah. A beer.

[E]

What?

[A]

You shake hands before the game starts and you compliment each other on your plays.

[D]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

It's called the gentleman's sport.

[D]

Was this created in Canada?

[A]

I don't think so.

[D]

Where did curling begin? Is Barb here? Where the hell is Barb?

[A]

Where's Barb?

[D]

Oh, Barb didn't make the trip. Yeah, not surprised. Barb, you slacker. No, no one's here to check facts.

[A]

This is okay.

[D]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

[A]

We're kidding. We're kidding. Barb, by the way, we just gotta let people know Barb is lovely. Barb deserves to run this entire company.

[D]

No, Barb is lovely. She doesn't deserve any of this flack.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

And someone else can figure out where curling started. It just sounds like a very Canadian thing to compliment someone prior to doing, like, any meddling or whatever and say, hey, have a beer. Feels very Canadian.

[A]

Feels very Canadian. But I think I'm gonna say it started in the uk.

[D]

Scotland. Scotland.

[A]

Because the stones are made from a granite, specifically from an island in Scotland. From specific. Specific rare earth metals.

[D]

Was this in the Cleo Abram explainer?

[A]

In the Cleo Abram explainer.

[D]

She's great.

[A]

She's amazing.

[D]

We're having a great time with her. We're taking pictures with her. Like, she's the third guy. Five ring.

[A]

She's the third guy, five ring. If the third guy looked like Julia Roberts.

[D]

Literally. She looks like Julia Roberts.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And it's like, you know when you see someone and you're like, I know you look like someone. And then you're like, oh, surely I can't be the most famous, most gorgeous woman in the world. But that's what she looks like.

[A]

But then she knows things about protein structure.

[D]

Yeah. She's like, oh. She was talking in the car very casually about protein structure and shapes of proteins and how learning the shape is everything when it comes to creating new medicine. I was like, you look like Julia Roberts.

[A]

You don't have to know any of this. No, just like we should know about the something.

[D]

We should know something.

[A]

Here we are. They flew us out.

[D]

You know what we're full of knowledge about? Because we saw it just last night, which means we haven't forgotten it yet. Like the fish. We are the opening ceremony of the. I'll say it again. Milan, Cortina. Winter Olympics. Can you believe this? We were there.

[A]

We were there. And one of the wonderful gentlemen who was in this room earlier, his first name is Mike.

[D]

You don't need to know his last name.

[A]

Well, you don't need to know his last name, but you can look this up. Cause he almost traps me. He goes, we had the opening ceremony last night. I was like, yes. He goes, what'd you think? I was like, it was spectacular.

[D]

Spectacular.

[A]

He goes, well, I directed it.

[D]

Stop it.

[A]

And I was like, you, sir, you tried to. That's entrapment.

[D]

He was the Liz Patrick of the opening ceremony.

[A]

Cause he was trying to get me to say that was all right.

[D]

Oh, it was entrapment. That's a very serious crime. Mike. Mike, you better watch it or we'll say your last name.

[A]

Interpol is gonna come for your ass.

[D]

Get you doxxed.

[A]

Just kidding. Anyway, congrats.

[D]

An amazing job. Mike.

[A]

Mike. Meanwhile, he's out here working on a Saturday. It's Saturday here in Milan.

[D]

That's. That's huge. See, on the Olympics, you could be working on a Saturday.

[A]

Like us.

[D]

Yeah, like us. Hmm. Damn it.

[A]

Now let's talk the opening ceremony.

[D]

Let's. Because so much happened. Beau, when we walked in, I had one thought. Wow, this is like the ERAS Tour. And then I realized how dumb I was. And I quickly corrected myself to be like, wow, this is. This is the most epic production I had ever seen.

[A]

Yeah. You're not wrong, though. It was very ERAS Tour esque.

[D]

Did she perform there? Look it up, Barb.

[A]

ERAS Tour, Milan Stop venue.

[D]

Yeah. See if she played at the Spence Bureau or whatever the hell.

[A]

We're not looking. We're not talking to Barb.

[D]

We're talking San Siro, not Sanspiro. Earlier, we were listening to this song.

[A]

We were listening to the soundtrack to Spyro, the video game.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah, we were.

[A]

No, what we're listening to.

[D]

Her name is Sienna Spyro.

[A]

It's like, she goes.

[D]

With you. You know, that new song. It's kind of like Adele, but not.

[A]

I don't think so.

[D]

She did. Makes all the sense in the world. If it's Fit for the opening ceremony. It's fit for the ERAs tour.

[A]

I hope people at the ERAs tour in Milan had the same interesting hot dog that I had at the stadium. You said it. It's interesting. It was an interesting hot dog. It made me go, maybe it's a good thing that this is like pig brains in the States. Because I was missing the extra, you know, it was too like one thing.

[D]

It was two. They're making 6 million of these. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Uh huh.

[D]

Anyway, we're happy. We got to eat.

[A]

We're gonna talk about the hot dogs at Sansiro for the rest of the episode. And not a single thing about that.

[D]

Maybe we'll get to Mariah Carey. I bet you thought, oh, let's listen to the Matt and Bowen two guys, five rings episode of the opening ceremony. It's gonna be a lot of Mariah Carey. Haven't uttered her name until now.

[A]

Haven't uttered her name until now.

[D]

That's not because it wasn't deserved. Cause let me tell you what was extremely amazing. Her performance in Italian. And then she sang her song Nothing is impossible. And we actually agreed in our seats that nothing was.

[A]

And it's off of her latest album here for it all, which we were there for it all.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

It being the opening ceremonies.

[D]

Yeah. She was great. She looked amazing. Probably the coolest part of being their BTS was watching them slowly walk her out.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

And then like place her leave three men both times.

[A]

Takes three men to get Mariah out.

[D]

And then afterwards they all come out. She didn't move at all.

[A]

Okay. That's how I was.

[D]

She was truly the doll I was.

[A]

I was expecting a palanquin.

[D]

Anyone to find palanquin. And then I can.

[A]

A thing like the thing that you hoist on four guys shoulders.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I was expecting for her to sit on. For her to sit in a little room.

[D]

I was gonna say palanquin, now that I think about it.

[A]

Yeah.

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Discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide. Based on the February 2025 Nielsen.

[A]

Well, let's go back first. It starts off with this gorgeous, angelic, I wanna say, like neoclassical interpretive. Well, the theme of the opening ceremony was interpretive dance.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Every two years, maybe. I was gonna say every four years, maybe two, the world gets sat down and forced to watch interpretive dance. And thank goodness we should say the.

[D]

Theme literally was harmony. But.

[A]

No, no, no.

[D]

But Harmonia. The Armonia. The Harmonia. Try speaking Italian without having a full seizure if you're me. Harmonia. It takes over you. But the theme was harmony. And there was harmony in the interpretive dance.

[A]

Absolutely. Well, I thought the theme was very well Sort of executed throughout the entire show because. Good job, Mike. The sort of. The thing was harmony. It was about two things uniting. It was like later on, we saw two acrobats suspended on rings, joining.

[D]

Oh, that was cuckoo.

[A]

I think that was supposed to represent city and mountain, Milan and Cortina.

[D]

Is that true?

[A]

I think that was the poetic read on it. The close read on it.

[D]

Or harmony and interpretive dance. The world in Italy.

[A]

The world in Italy. Uh, anything else?

[D]

Red and green.

[A]

Red and green. Red, white. Red.

[D]

Harmony. Yeah. Red, white and green.

[A]

So then let me just get this right. Okay. Was that.

[D]

Then it was Matilda de Angelis.

[A]

Matilda de Angelis waving around a huge stick.

[D]

I saw myself in her.

[A]

You were her.

[D]

Matt Rogers De Angelis.

[A]

Matt Rogers De Angelis.

[D]

I really liked her. I thought her lines were beautiful. Dancing with the Stars. Judge. Beautiful lines.

[A]

Beautiful lines. She was. Well, first she was assailed by the paparazzi.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

An Italian invention.

[D]

Oh, my gosh. I guess. Yeah.

[A]

No, but they made it look very chic.

[D]

Lady Gaga thanks you.

[A]

Lady Gaga thanks you. So do we. Then she walks over. Then she starts waving around this baton. 3 Huge Papier Mache heads of Verdi, Puccini, and, oh, the third opera guy.

[D]

Oh, sure.

[A]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna.

[D]

Not Pavarotti.

[A]

No, sorry.

[D]

No, no. Hold on.

[A]

Let me look at my paper.

[D]

See, this is what it is to know too many things, because then you get caught in a trap.

[A]

You get caught in a trap.

[D]

I knew zero of the three guys. He knew two of the three, and now he's in a world of pain.

[A]

Go ahead, Rossini.

[D]

Of course.

[A]

They're running around, and then they remain. Yeah, I think that those three guys were just watching Charlize there and give her speech about peace later on.

[D]

Yeah, that was also a whole moment.

[A]

That was a moment. Well, so then they do that. Then it's.

[D]

The paint came out of the sky.

[A]

The paint came out of the sky then.

[D]

Okay, so this is where it got a little confusing for me. So the three paint tubes came out of the sky, and they sort of filled the world with primary color. Then I thought it was all little pieces of paint or little paintbrushes, little crayons running out. Turns out all those guys were supposed to be espresso makers. This was where it got a little Italian flavor.

[A]

Well, this is where we go, oh, wow. I don't think about espresso at all now. Unless Sabrina Carpenter is involved, she put.

[D]

It on the map in America.

[A]

We didn't know what it was.

[D]

Well, Espresso martinis.

[A]

Sure.

[D]

We knew them from Salt Lake City. Housewives.

[A]

That's right. That happens.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Then we arrive at what I thought was a tribute to Caprese salad. Turns out it was red, white, and green. Italian flag colors.

[D]

Common mistake.

[A]

Common mistake. But I went, oh, Italy really, really figured that out with their flag.

[D]

Buffala.

[A]

Buffalo. Mozzarella.

[D]

Mozzarella.

[A]

Basil. Basil.

[D]

Basil sounds.

[A]

Basil.

[D]

More like, we're here.

[A]

Pomodori.

[D]

Right.

[A]

I was like, they invented tomato, cheese, and basil.

[D]

Just to pause the conversation for a second and talk a little bit more about food. We did have lunch yesterday, and I was upset when I realized again, they don't have chicken parm here.

[A]

It's an American. Italian. It's an Italian American inventory.

[D]

And I got over it, and I didn't bring it up at lunch. I didn't want to make a scene. And I ordered my amatriciana. And I was very happy, as were you. We had the same thing.

[A]

We had a gorgeous rigatoni. Amateur.

[D]

Where do we go? Rattana. That was the name of the restaurant.

[A]

Rattana was another restaurant that we went to the night before. Michelin sp.

[D]

Risotto and honey, our waiter, Alex, I will remember you.

[A]

Oh, this was at the other place? Yes.

[D]

What's that called?

[A]

That was called Taverna Something else.

[D]

Taverna Something. I will remember Alex. He knew something. And then he made us this.

[A]

He made table side, like a custard. Basically. It starts with a Z in Italian. I'm blanking on that.

[D]

And then he comes over to us and he makes us this dessert right at the table. He comes over to us and he whispers in bow and eyes, ear goes, now that we're friends, I can tell you this is what they used to give the men to invigorize them to.

[A]

This is. This is Italian. Viagra. Viagra.

[D]

He said, you better get out of here.

[A]

You think it was flirting?

[D]

I don't know. I couldn't tell. And then our friend was like, did you leave your number? And I was like, I don't think he was gay. Gay, gay.

[A]

Tutti gay, tooti gay. We learned that from White Lotus.

[D]

I feel like here in Italy, you kind of know the guys are gay. Cause they're like, marry me. They are. That's how they are. Now, please, Maddie me.

[A]

You feel like, you know that all the guys in Italy are gay. Because they all say, maddie me.

[D]

This is what I'm told.

[A]

Has this happened to you?

[D]

Matteo Lane told me this. Well, mate. And I was like, matteo, you're so hot. Look At. The ass sits so high and round.

[A]

Mateo has a very different experience coming to Italy than we would.

[D]

He speaks the language. His ass sits high and round.

[A]

What more could you ask?

[D]

What more could you ask for?

[A]

He's mad at me, Maddie. Me. He's getting. My ass is.

[D]

Don't do this. It's been looking incredible. I don't know what to say.

[A]

My ass is the Tower of Terror. It's a straight shot down. It's not gonna. I'm not gonna.

[D]

You know, they've changed the Tower of Terror. It now has all sorts of different dimensions. Okay. So don't. So just know things.

[A]

I don't know.

[D]

Things are moving and shaking. What's my ass.

[A]

You've got. You've got. You've got my bestie triple lutz. No, no, I'm so. I celebrate your ass.

[D]

Thank you so much.

[A]

You've got a triple lutz. You've got. You've got a. You've got a curling ass now. Opening ceremony.

[D]

Yeah, right. I was going to say opening ceremony.

[A]

So then the rings. Then the rings come together.

[D]

That was insane.

[A]

That took my breath away.

[D]

That was breathtaking.

[A]

Because they were not super secure on those things.

[D]

You couldn't see the wires.

[A]

Cause it made me go. When Rihanna did this at the Super Bowl. When Beyonce did this at the Christmas show. The cowboy show.

[D]

Yes. That was so good.

[A]

Amazing. But they were making sure that those precious icons were stable.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

These people, I guess they're professional acrobats.

[D]

Right.

[A]

They were kind of.

[D]

Doing it raw.

[A]

Doing it raw.

[D]

They were doing it raw. Someone's face just goes.

[A]

Yeah, I guess they were.

[D]

Sure. But you know that. So that. That happened. By the way, this was after the bop. Who knew the Italian national anthem. Back to the drawing board.

[A]

Back to the drawing board. America. There's two. There's like a whole movement shift in the Italian national anthem.

[D]

It sounds like a Celine Dion song from the 80s, early 90s.

[A]

The 90s.

[D]

It just sounds like. It sounds like a song that would win Eurovision. And it's their national anthem.

[A]

It's amazing. Well, Italy's gotta bring it with the arts in every aspect. You know what I mean?

[D]

Yeah. I didn't realize Italy was the club in this way.

[A]

Well, there was a whole disco semi. Because they gave us disco. Italo. Disco is some of the best.

[D]

Yeah. Well, anyway, the music throughout the evening was incredible. And I can't get over the national anthem. I'm going to be streaming. Laura Pacini is. Who?

[A]

Laura Pacini.

[D]

Did you know of her?

[A]

I Didn't. I was very excited to watch her really slay in front of 60,000 people.

[D]

She definitely did that.

[A]

She definitely did that. Then we have our ring moment. That was cool. Then we had the parade of Nations. That's where I went. Canada. Canada really brought it.

[D]

I thought you were gonna say. And that's where I went. I'm getting a hot dog.

[A]

I'm getting a hot dog.

[D]

That is what we did.

[A]

Get a hot dog.

[D]

We did take a break.

[A]

Then we got a hot dog.

[D]

We got up and, you know, we were told, this is the time to get a drink and a snack. So we said, okay.

[A]

So we said, okay.

[D]

But then we made sure we were seeing them. We didn't see a lot of the athletes come in. This was a widespread opening ceremony, which.

[A]

That might be my. I don't think so, honey. Later, that we're doing this sort of. For a different segment. Widespread kept being said at this point.

[D]

Widespread was said many times. They're very interested in us knowing all about how the spread is wide.

[A]

And it makes me go. Let's think about the ways in which that word is used.

[D]

Sure.

[A]

Lately it hasn't been great. Widespread.

[D]

Widespread.

[A]

Widespread sort of transmission. Widespread.

[D]

Why are you throwing it back to Covid Unrest?

[A]

I'm throwing it back to all.

[D]

We're in Italy.

[A]

You can't do that.

[D]

You're gonna give everyone ptsd.

[A]

Listen. No. This is what being in Milan is like right now.

[D]

Fired up, ladies and gentlemen.

[A]

And more. It is triumphantly saying, we overc so many things.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Period.

[D]

We overcame those hot dogs barely.

[A]

Can I just say San Siro. This bathroom's tough.

[D]

Oh, that was crazy. It was like prison.

[A]

Stop now.

[D]

Me stop. I wasn't even the one that brought it up.

[A]

I'm sorry.

[D]

I didn't mean to say. Silence. Can I say we had an amazing time in the stadium?

[A]

An amazing time in the stadium would go there.

[D]

Go there again.

[A]

Good enough for Taylor, good enough for us.

[C]

You see it instantly. It's Coldwater Creek, the mark of exceptional workmanship and signature touches inspired by a Mountain west heritage. Distinctive styles created from quality fabrics. Silhouettes perfected with just the right drape. Feel good fits offering ease of movement and thoughtful details to elevate your look. For a wardrobe you can count on season after season. Visit coldwatercreek.com Shop the new spring collection at 20% off $75 or more with code IHEART20 from coast to coast.

[E]

Unlock adventure at Red lion hotels by Sonesta, where restful sleep, friendly service, and local knowledge Await, whether for business or pleasure, spend less and make more of every trip. When you sign up for Sinesta Travel Pass, you'll get our best rates instantly. Go to sonesta.com to book your stay and unlock our best rates with Sonesta Travel Pass. Here today, Rome tomorrow. Join [e-mail] Terms and conditions apply.

[F]

Thy ticket, lady Jennifer of Coolidge.

[A]

Well, many thanks, good sir. Here is my Discover card.

[C]

They accept Discover at Renaissance Fairs?

[A]

Yeah, they do here. Discover is accepted at the places I love to shop. Getth with the times. With the times.

[C]

You're playing the loot.

[A]

Yeah, and it sounds pretty good, right?

[D]

Discover is accepted at 99% of places.

[C]

That take credit cards nationwide, based on.

[D]

The February 2025 Nielsen report.

[F]

I'm U.S. transportation Secretary Sean Duffy. We all get distracted when we drive, whether it's from our phones or kids in the backseat bickering. But how we handle these distractions can be a matter of life or death. Before you get on the road for your next road trip, please put your phones on silent and take a mental note to focus on driving. Paid for by nhtsa. I didn't think the pain from the shingles rash would affect simple everyday tasks like bathing, getting dressed, or even walking around. I was wrong, though. Not everyone at risk will develop it. 99% of people over the age of 50 already have the virus that causes shingles, and it could reactivate at any time. I developed it, and the blistering rash lasted for weeks. Don't learn the hard way like I did. Talk to your doctor or pharmacist today. Sponsored by gsk.

[A]

Uh, what was I gonna say?

[D]

Andrea Bocelli.

[A]

Andrea Bocelli. Well, first Parade of Nations. So many cute outfits.

[D]

Very much so.

[A]

It's so lovely to see Italy. Italian. Italian. Italian athletes coming in.

[D]

So.

[A]

Oh, widespread. So we were cutting from down in Milan, where you would have these gorgeous, metallic, puffered women a la Angie Katsanevis in their giant sunglasses, walking with a giant horizontal slab of ice with.

[D]

We were not the only ones to say that it was Angie Katsanevis coated either. And that is the second Salt Lake City Housewives reference on the episode so far. There has to be a third now. Oh, I'll remember that.

[A]

I have a third.

[D]

Great.

[A]

I have a third coming soon. And then that happens. And then you would cut to what I want to say. We definitely cut to Cortina.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And then we. I think we might have cut to Lavino.

[D]

Yes, I think there was a whole.

[A]

Lot of cutting between and hence the widespread aspect. But it was beautiful.

[D]

It was beautiful because the athletes got so much applause and it felt incredible. And we joined in and we are very excited to be here, like, celebrating these American athletes.

[A]

I was watching, going like, oh, God, there's something really profound about everybody from around the world being here at the same time.

[D]

Absolutely.

[A]

For the same occasion. Here's the third Salt Lake City reference.

[D]

Go on.

[A]

Charlize Theron comes out looking like Whitney Rose, quoting her.

[D]

Compliments to everyone.

[A]

Compliments to everyone. Quoting her countrymen, her fellow countrymen, South Africa, Nelson Mandela talking about peace. And I go, there's something really powerful about the woman who played Aileen wuornos Furiosa and Ms. Atomic Blonde and Old Guard. She's played violent women.

[D]

She was in the movie Mighty Joe Young. And people don't remember that.

[A]

People don't remember that. But this lady who has seen violence up close has enacted violence for the cameras.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

For a woman to no violence and say, guys from Atomic Blonde, cut it out. Cut it out with the war, for C's sake. Made me go. This is impactful.

[D]

I'll tell you what else was impactful in this sort of cap of the night. The perfect synchronizing of the Olympic torch flame to the beat of Nesun Dorma sung by literally Pavarotti, who's still able to whip jelly.

[A]

Uh. Oh.

[D]

When you say literally and it's wrong, I meant Bocelli. Okay. Leave it all in. I don't care. You think I care? You think he cares?

[A]

Oh, God.

[D]

We find out he's a huge fan of this podcast. I was listening to my favorite podcast. And then you got Pavarotte. Is that anywhere near what he might sound like?

[A]

Lorne. Matt's got a Bocelli slash Lorne.

[D]

Now is the time, Lauren. Now is the perfect opportunity. Put me on.

[A]

Bocelli. Perfectly synchronized with the lighting of the Vanessa Dorma.

[D]

It is the most beautiful song from Stepbrothers. Yeah. That's where the world knows it.

[A]

That's where the world knows it.

[D]

First Stepbrothers, now secondarily, the opening ceremony. And that capped it all off.

[A]

It was gorgeous. I take issue with it being called a cauldron. I don't like that. It's like they're like a cauldron. It's too witchy. And, like, let's leave witches out of it. Like.

[D]

Well, I celebrate witches.

[A]

I celebrate witches, too. I don't think it's stolen valor from witches. You know what I mean?

[D]

What came first, the witches or The Olympics, probably the.

[A]

Well, I think Olympus. Olympus came first. The mountain.

[D]

Okay. Cause did witches start in Salem? No. Certainly they've been since the beginning of time.

[A]

Honey, we've been trying to get women since the dawn of humanity.

[D]

Get women. We've been trying to get em.

[A]

That's what I'm saying now.

[D]

We could use one on this podcast.

[A]

I was gonna say, I take issue with it being called cauldrons. Cause guess what the word cauldron is in Italian. Go ahead, Calderone. And that is the last name of Lady Gaga's Persona, Joe Calderon.

[D]

So that's probably why.

[A]

Joe Cauldron. But it makes me go, well, now I'm. Now I'm off in another sort of thought starter. I'm not thinking about the Olympics no more.

[D]

You're thinking about Gaga.

[A]

Just call it the Olympic Bowl.

[D]

Also bowl.

[A]

Pr nightmare. As we mentioned, lots of. Lots of tragic things have happened around the Olympic cauldron. Remember when those doves got singed?

[D]

Oh, yeah. I didn't remember until now.

[A]

I had to remind everyone.

[D]

You know what, though? They got the. Think about this. If you're the birds, it's not getting bigger and better than that. You're gonna die. At some point, you might as well go out in a blaze of glory, babe. It's the Olympics.

[A]

It's the Olympics.

[D]

Sorry to these doves.

[A]

Sorry to these doves. And then, you know, maybe years later, I don't know, you get misremembered. I can't believe you called him Pavarotti.

[D]

It's time to give out our bronze, silver and gold medal for this episode of Two Guys, Five Rings. One of the best episodes we've ever done of this show.

[A]

You think so?

[D]

Yeah, I think we absolutely tore. I think we ate everything we ate at the Olympics. Just us sitting right here. What's the bronze medal of the Olympic opening ceremony? Milan Cortina, 2026.

[A]

For you, I'm gonna give bronze to. Oh, what's her name again?

[D]

Matilda.

[A]

Matilda. No, no, no.

[D]

Laura Pacini.

[A]

Laura Pacini singing the Italian national anthem.

[D]

That was so rousing.

[A]

What we didn't even talk about. So, Gabriela Paciatore.

[D]

Valentina from the White Lotus.

[A]

So, just to recap, this means she deserves the silver. This does mean she deserves the silver.

[D]

Yeah. Go ahead and explain exactly how hard she went.

[A]

Okay, so here's what happened in the storytelling. She's at home in her sweats watching the opening ceremony. I think, like, you know, like what the rest of the world is doing for the people who are not lucky Enough to be in the stadium like we were. She's watching at home in her sort of loungewear. Then those two dastardly weasels, stoats, Tina and Milo, pop up and start haranguing her, harassing her even.

[D]

And she said, hey.

[A]

No, she literally is, hey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She goes.

[D]

And then it became something else.

[A]

She goes, hey, hey. What are you doing? My favorite Italian word. Gui.

[D]

What's gui here?

[A]

Or qua. Which is there?

[C]

Gui.

[A]

No, no, no.

[D]

Q U. I. I can't stand this. Whenever I say something exactly the way. And you.

[A]

Quee.

[D]

Quee, quee.

[A]

There you go. Quee, quee, quee quee.

[D]

Here, here, here, here. So she gets.

[A]

She gets sort of manhandled by these.

[D]

From qui de qua.

[A]

From cui de qua by Tina and Milo. And then she gets. I guess she gets hurdled through like this. AI. Animated.

[D]

AI.

[A]

You know, whatever. She gets hurtled through all of the Olympics, the Winter Olympics past, over the last hundred years. Because it's been 100 years of the Winter Olympics.

[D]

Wow.

[A]

The Winter Games. And you do see the cool emblems of the past.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And then she lands in this metallic jumpsuit. Body suit. Bodycon suit. And she gets. She starts dancing to this contemporary Italian. The first Italian rap song called.

[D]

Checks.

[A]

Notes prisenkolinen steinkjosso, which is meant to be gibberish. I believe improvised text is an invented language that phonetically mimics English written by the iconic Italian singer Adriano Celentano. So then there's an amazing, again, interpretive dance. Energized, but interpretive dance where she's dancing, I guess, about Olympic history. And then she slays and sells, just.

[D]

Like she did in White Lotus.

[A]

Just like she did in White Lotus. And the paper.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Which don't sleep on the paper.

[D]

She's very good in the paper.

[A]

She's very good in the paper.

[D]

She's very good in everything.

[A]

She's kind of the Michael Scott of the paper. I would say we're allowed to talk about this with NBC.

[D]

This is all why she's earned the silver medal today.

[A]

Silver medal to Sabrina.

[D]

And I think we have to give the gold medal to. And I'm gonna say this. Andrea Bocelli.

[A]

Thank you. Thank you.

[D]

That's Clapter for him and I for getting it right. Because, come on. I mean, that was truly epic and just gold medal, honorary gold, platinum medal, as it were. To Mike. To Mike, who directed the stuff. Yes. That was amazing.

[A]

That was amazing.

[D]

And now we get to meet him today.

[A]

You already have.

[D]

No, I said we got to meet him today. I remember.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Unforgettable. Just like the opening ceremony of Milan Cortina 2026.

[A]

Absolutely. But be careful around Mike, because he might ask, you know, he might try to entrap you. Well, I'll be eating something from the commissary. Be like, what do you think of those potatoes? I'll be like, they're good.

[D]

That's my recipe.

[A]

I made them.

[D]

I made them. That was my grandmother's recipe for potatoes. So it's good.

[A]

You like it, Mike, great job. And great job to everyone here. We've had such a lovely time and the Cortina cabin.

[D]

And you'll have to wait a couple days, but right now, for us, we're gonna be welcoming an Olympian and a podcaster, proving it can be done. Adam Rapunzel. Look out for that very soon.

[A]

Look out for that very soon.

[D]

But until then, follow the show on the iHeartRadio app or your favorite podcast platform and watch on the NBC Sports.

[A]

YouTube channel and watch and listen to every moment of the Winter Olympics, now through February 22nd on NBC and Peacock. And on the iHeartRadio app, we end.

[D]

Every one of these episodes with the very same song. Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom.

[A]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[D]

No, I just. I. I love it. So why don't you do the bums and I'll do the players. Bums and the blares us tonight.

[A]

We switched it.

[D]

Harmony, everyone.

[A]

Armania.

[D]

Bye. Bye.

[A]

With Venmo Stache. A taco in one hand and ordering a ride in the other means you're stacking cash back. Nice. Get up to 5% cash back with Venmo stash on your favorite brands when you pay with your Venmo debit card. From takeout to ride shares, entertainment, and more, pick a bundle with your go tos and start earning cash back at those brands. Earn more cash when you do more with stash. Venmo Stash terms and exclusions apply. Max $100 cash back per month. See terms at Venmo me stashterms.

[C]

You see it instantly. It's Coldwater Creek, the mark of exceptional workmanship and signature touches inspired by a Mountain west heritage. Distinctive styles created from quality fabrics, silhouettes perfected with just the right drape. Feel good fits offering ease of movement and thoughtful details to elevate your look. For a wardrobe you can count on season after season, visit coldwatercreek.com shop the new spring collection at 20% off $75 or more with code iheart20 from coast to coast.

[E]

Unlock adventure at Red Lion Hotels by Sonesta, where restful sleep, friendly service and local knowledge await. Whether for business or pleasure. Spend less and make more of every trip. When you sign up for Sinesta TravelPass, you'll get our best rates instantly. Go to sonesta.com to book your stay and unlock our best rates with Sonesta Travel Pass here today, Rome tomorrow. Join [e-mail] Terms and conditions apply.

[F]

I'm U.S. transportation Secretary Sean Duffy. The sound of a Seatbelt it's one of the most important sounds in our car. It means everyone is ready and everyone is safe. The more our kids see us put on our seatbelts, the more natural it is for them to put theirs on too. Make it a priority. Buckle up every time. Hear the sound. Make it a habit.

[A]

Paid for by NHTSA this is an iHeart podcast.

[D]

Guaranteed human.