Episode 607: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death

Summary

Last Podcast On The Left: Episode 607 – The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III: Bored to Death

Hosts: The Last Podcast Network
Release Date: February 8, 2025
Episode Title: The Tragedy of the Batavia Part III - Bored to Death

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Introduction

In the third installment of The Tragedy of the Batavia series, the hosts of Last Podcast On The Left delve deeper into one of maritime history's most harrowing tales of mutiny, survival, and unrestrained brutality. This episode, aptly titled "Bored to Death," explores the descent of the Batavia shipwreck survivors into chaos under the tyrannical leadership of Euronymous Cornelis.

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Recap of the Batavia Shipwreck

The Batavia, a Dutch East India Company (VOC) ship, met disaster in June 1628 when it wrecked on the reefs of the Houtman's Abrolhos islands off the western coast of Australia. The crash left 270 survivors stranded on a chain of mostly barren islands. Initial attempts to find fresh water failed, prompting Upper Merchant Francisco Pelsaert to lead a lifeboat expedition to seek help in Java, the VOC's colonial hub.

Ben Kissel: "There's no place to escape to. This is the last on the left." [01:03]

---

Euronymous Cornelis: Rise to Power

With Pelsaert gone, the survivors faced a leadership vacuum. While Pelsaert had entrusted Euronymous Cornelis to oversee the remaining supplies, Euronymous saw an opportunity to seize control. Without the authority of the VOC, Euronymous consolidated power by manipulating the limited resources and exploiting the desperation of the survivors.

Henry Zebrowski: "He was like, 'we'll figure this out later. Put a pin in this.'" [09:55]

Euronymous's leadership style was marked by deception and authoritarian control, setting the stage for the atrocities that were to follow.

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Atrocities and Massacres

As months passed, Euronymous orchestrated a series of brutal executions to maintain his grip on power and eliminate potential threats. His strategy involved sending loyal members on "search missions" that were, in reality, lethal ambushes designed to thin the population.

Marcus Parks: "The thinning of the ranks to save supplies was not Euronymous’s only motivation for executing survivors." [02:21]

One of the most chilling events was the massacre on Seals Island, where Euronymous and his men brutally murdered men, women, and children under the guise of maintaining order and conserving resources. These killings were not only strategic but also served to instill fear and suppress any dissent.

Marcus Parks: "This was a different boy. Henry used the same voice for two different boys." [89:51]

---

Formation of Factions: Defenders vs. Mutineers

The extreme measures taken by Euronymous led to a stark division among the survivors. While Euronymous continued his reign of terror, a faction led by Viva Hayes emerged as the Defenders. Viva's group thrived on a nearby island, discovering ample resources and living in relative harmony, starkly contrasting with the horror unfolding under Euronymous's control.

Marcus Parks: "Viva's group took to calling themselves the Defenders." [117:23]

This division set the stage for an inevitable confrontation between the two factions, each representing vastly different visions of survival and governance.

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Cruelty as Entertainment and Power Consolidation

Euronymous's leadership transcended mere survival; it became a macabre spectacle where murder served both as a method of population control and a form of twisted entertainment. Members were encouraged to commit atrocities, fostering a culture of violence that eroded any remaining sense of humanity.

Marcus Parks: "These psychopaths, they get the opportunity to just go onto an island and be able to kill whoever you want, whenever you want, however you want, without consequence." [82:03]

Euronymous further solidified his authority by enforcing strict oaths of loyalty and establishing a hierarchical system where power was directly tied to one's capacity for brutality.

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Notable Quotes

• Marcus Parks: "You need to keep killing in order to stay up top." [106:46]
• Henry Zebrowski: "Killing is some of the most devastating actions that can happen to society." [66:16]
• Marcus Parks: "It's the oldest role of comedy. Tragedy plus time equals comedy." [105:32]
• Ben Kissel: "Kind of feels like it's Hezbollah." [109:58]

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Conclusion and Tease for Part IV

As the episode concludes, the division between Euronymous's mutineers and Viva Hayes's Defenders becomes increasingly pronounced. Euronymous's relentless pursuit of control through unspeakable acts of violence paints a bleak picture of humanity stripped of societal norms. The stage is set for a climactic confrontation, with Upper Merchant Pelsaert's return looming as a potential catalyst for change or further bloodshed.

Henry Zebrowski: "It's going to go down to the very last minute." [118:32]

Stay tuned for Part IV of The Tragedy of the Batavia, where the clash between the entrenched dictatorship of Euronymous and the resilient Defenders is inevitable, promising a harrowing conclusion to this dark chapter of maritime history.

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Disclaimer:
This summary captures the essence of the podcast episode while excluding non-content segments such as advertisements and comedic asides. The episode contains graphic descriptions of violence and is intended for mature audiences.

Transcript

[Marcus Parks]

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[Henry Zebrowski]

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[Marcus Parks]

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[Ben Kissel]

There's no place to escape to. This is the last on the left.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? So for today's episode, we're going to be talking about obviously some of the worst sea based crimes since what happened to Ariel. Who? The littlest mermaid. But from the last I saw, she wasn't so little to me. You know what I'm saying?

[Marcus Parks]

Okay, so you're gonna start this whole thing with talking about how attractive you think the Little mermaid is.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm just saying which one's not how I wanted.

[Ben Kissel]

I want to know which one.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It just kind of went there. I didn't mean to be there, but.

[Ben Kissel]

I'm a flounder man myself.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, I know. He loves a bottom feeder.

[Ben Kissel]

Catch your eyes on one side. Let me slide under on top of my body. You little yellow and blue.

[Marcus Parks]

This is what.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I didn't want to do this stuff. I actually wanted to make the announcement that I'm taking the payout from the CIA and I am leaving the show.

[Ben Kissel]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. But thankfully, I was obviously. CIA gave me the payout. I took it. I was gonna go. Thankfully. Last second. Right before the. I mean this. In the second before we were going to record, I was walking out. You guys are trying stop me. I just got the contract in from the NSA. I'm locked in for another 10 years. Nice.

[Ben Kissel]

So you're with them now?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. All right, great.

[Marcus Parks]

Perfect. And to all of our listeners out there, keep fighting the good fight you out there. And the horrible landscape that we find ourselves in at this very moment. Welcome to last podcast on the left. Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Marcus Parks. I'm here with Henry. Hey, NSA Zabrowski.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And I'll. Let me Just tell you we're listening. We're just. We're holding space for the American people.

[Ben Kissel]

Don't the people of the NSA have to shut up?

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, that's kind of. That's.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Sometimes if you make so much noise, you make people think they can't be heard.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes.

[Marcus Parks]

And the man asking the logical questions here, Ed Larson. Hello.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes. And I believe God now because I have to. Legally, apparently. Oh, well, according.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes, thank you. But you know what's really funny about this story is that it's really going to stress that.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah. Gonna see a lot of parallels in this story. But before we get back into the tale of the Batavia, we'd like to clear something up that confused us back in episode one.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

If you'll remember, before upper merchant Pelsart was put in charge of the Batavia, he had accidentally contributed to the death of a noblewoman in India when she drank a bottle of clove oil in just before they had sex.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

It happens every day.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. And we had no idea why Pelsart would have a bottle of clove oil present. But a helpful listener filled us in. Remember that Pelsart was a horny little devil.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes.

[Marcus Parks]

And apparently clove oil has been used for centuries as a sexual lubricant.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Okay.

[Marcus Parks]

Particularly for anal sex.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So that's why you use the term that the listener filled us in.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes.

[Marcus Parks]

Unintentional pun, but I like it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm packed jammed with information in my ass.

[Ben Kissel]

And sailors love anal sex. Historically.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, clove oil is slippery and it's a natural analgesic. Am I pronouncing that right? Analgesic, Analgesic.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't fucking know.

[Marcus Parks]

I don't know. But that means that juice.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes, thank you, Eddie.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, that means that it numbs whatever tissue it comes in contact with. These properties make it among the best anal lubes around. And in fact, clove oil is still used in anal lubrication products today, the preferred brand for many being Swiss Navy. Or so I've been told.

[Ben Kissel]

And you know how much the Swiss love holes.

[Marcus Parks]

That's the Dutch.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, but did Swiss. Oh, but you said the Swiss Navy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Cheese.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, I was thinking cheese joke. I was thinking about sticking fingers in the dikes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. I was thinking about ass sex. I was thinking about ass.

[Ben Kissel]

And mouths do that.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I do think what's also nice about clove oil is after you're done doing it, right, and you. You ram or jam. Right. Either the. The little cabin boy or the noble woman.

[Marcus Parks]

There one. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Right Afterwards, she Smells like Christmas.

[Ben Kissel]

Wow, that's nice.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Nice spice.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, cuz pine trees, they don't really use that much.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, no, no, that's a bad lubricant. So if you're using a pine cone, you are.

[Marcus Parks]

So now that we got that out of the way, let's return to the Batavia.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yay. So finally some good news.

[Marcus Parks]

When we last left the doomed ship, it had been shipwrecked for four days on a reef 50 miles off the western coast of Australia. Once the Batavia was deemed a loss, the survivors took refuge on a chain of mostly barren islands called Houtman's Abrolhos. Chiefly, the Batavia had rammed into the reef at first full speed because its captain, Ariana Jakobs, had become wrapped up in a mutiny plot with VOC under merchant Euronymous Cornelis. He had therefore missed the ever important turn north to the West Indies island of Java, where the VOC had set up its corporate colonial capital.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He's doing the LA thing where they say like, north, south, east, west, right for on the thing. And that doesn't make any sense to anyone in my mind. It's left. It's like he making that left. That's all he had to do. No, but I say left because that's how I understand it. I don't understand north.

[Ben Kissel]

You don't understand north.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I actually was brought this up.

[Marcus Parks]

Actually. My wife also doesn't understand directions.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Now, I want to talk about this really quick, right before you go into this, I want to ask this just straight up. I know we're beginning this, the very beginning of the episode, and this is really dragging us, right? But is the North Pole the top of the earth, the bottom of the earth, or does that not matter in that question?

[Marcus Parks]

What do you mean, does that not matter?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Is north top and south bottom?

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Why?

[Marcus Parks]

What else would it be?

[Henry Zebrowski]

South could be top.

[Ben Kissel]

Not at all.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's just south.

[Ben Kissel]

The Earth doesn't rotate that way.

[Henry Zebrowski]

What do you mean?

[Ben Kissel]

The Earth rotates around this way?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Doesn't it kind of go back and forth?

[Marcus Parks]

I mean, kind of sort of, but it still rotates the same way.

[Henry Zebrowski]

What if sun's upside down?

[Ben Kissel]

Doesn't matter.

[Henry Zebrowski]

What? What if the Milky Way is upside down?

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, my God.

[Ben Kissel]

This whole thing, things derailed immediately. You're not allowed to lead a ship.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm not.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, you're gonna be putting us right, you put us into the reef of a North Pole conversation.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm a chef, all right? I would be the boat chef. I would be the boat main prostitute to the women in order for the men that are infertile and looking to impregnate a woman on the boat.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, so the men pay you to their wives.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes, I'm a cum donor. Buy cash.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes. The cooker.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Thank you.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, back to the Batavia. After upper merchant Francisco Pelsaert spent four days searching for fresh water to no avail. In addition to directing the retrieval of as much VOC loot as could be recovered, he decided as the man in charge of the expedition that the VOC's best interest would be served if he left to get help in Java on the Batavia's best lifeboat. And so on June 8, 1628, upper merchant Pelsart took the ship's best sailors and a handful of the Batavia's paying customers and pushed off with 48 people all told.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Now this is the last we're gonna hear of Pelsart today.

[Marcus Parks]

Yep. On this episode because.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So he goes to look for water and we don't know if he's gonna come back.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, he goes and he's. But he's also gonna try and go to Java and see what happens up there.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Hey. Absolutely.

[Marcus Parks]

There was, however, still the issue of the brewing mutiny, which Pelsart had sussed out after the mutineers pathetic attempt to get him to punish the entire crew by attacking his crush with a bucket of feces and tar while wearing disguises.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But I liked her. But now she got dookie on her. But I think that. And it shows Pelsart's real love for her in the end.

[Marcus Parks]

Is that does it? Cuz he left her on the island to die.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But he did wipe the poo poo off of her and he still looked at her and said cuz you got.

[Ben Kissel]

A napkin doesn't mean you love somebody.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm just saying I think it's refreshing that he wiped the duke off of her and said, you know what, you're still cute. And I think that's one of the bravest things that a captain can say.

[Ben Kissel]

Not cute enough to take the java.

[Marcus Parks]

No, she's just.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He didn't want her people to fight over her on the boat.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, well, so he left her with all the rapacious fucking sailors and seamen.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think he was like, we'll figure this out later. Put a pin in this.

[Marcus Parks]

But while there had been anywhere between eight and 18 men involved in the mutiny before the shipwreck, the only two mutineers Pelsaert had positively pegged were Captain Ariana Jakobs and the boatswain. And yes, yes, we're now well aware that the word boatswain is generally pronounced boson. I, however, am of the opinion that pronouncing it boson robs the word of its magic. Because I love saying boatswain.

[Ben Kissel]

It's a better word.

[Marcus Parks]

Boatswain is much better word than boson. Yeah, than boson.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's just what the word is, how it's pronounced. That's how spelled boatswain. It's because it's British and they're difficult on purpose.

[Marcus Parks]

That's how it's generally pronounced. It can also be pronounced boatswain. So I suppose I'll just have to endure the chuckles of all our seamen out there because for me it'll always be boatswain.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because you know how big we are amongst sailors. Very big amongst the sailing community. Lots of sailors listen, lots of men, lots of admirals.

[Marcus Parks]

We have a ton of listeners in the navy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's true.

[Marcus Parks]

A ton. But so I'm sorry, Navy people, but yeah, I'm going to have to go with boatswain.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, it came from a lot of people watch that show below deck.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And we don't know. So that's not a reality TV show that we have ever touched. And the boats and on that one apparently got canceled.

[Marcus Parks]

I see.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. So I guess that's how they all know the word boson.

[Ben Kissel]

Also, if you're in the navy, just let me know if you need me to send you some clove oil because it sounds like.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Honestly, it's really, really. I heard that song.

[Marcus Parks]

But since Pelsart knew the captain and the boatswain were a part of the mutiny plot, he decided to keep his enemies close and ordered them to join him on the rescue mission to Java. With their mutineers still scattered, the captain and the boatswain had no choice but to comply and face whatever fate awaited them at the VOC colonial capital. Now, upper merchant Pelsaert told everyone before leaving that he would try as hard as he could to find a source of fresh water and replenish the island's supplies before ultimately making his way to Java, 2,000 miles north. This gave survivors a tiny bit of hope that they weren't being abandoned completely because the water was already gone when Pelsaert left and there was no small number number of people stranded on this barren strip of dirt. The survivors left behind were a motley crew of 270 people, a mix of hard bitten seamen and soldiers. Tradesmen like the carpenters and the ship surgeon. Paying passengers both male and female. The children of those passengers Lots of cabin boys and a number of VOC officers like Euronymous Cornelis.

[Ben Kissel]

Can those paying customers get a refund?

[Marcus Parks]

I would hope so, but I would imagine if. But I would imagine. Knowing the voc, they probably signed a document before they left saying that shipwreck would not result in a refund.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, like a release. I bet you there was a. From some form of agreement.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Fucking Dutch, right?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Right. I don't even know, man. Just stay with the windmills.

[Marcus Parks]

Now, we said at the end of the last episode that Euronymous Cornelius was left in charge after upper merchant Pelsart left the islands. But that's not entirely accurate in the sense that Pelsart explicitly gave Euronymous the authority to give orders to the surviv. In fact, Euronymous wasn't even the most senior VOC officer left behind. Pelsart had also abandoned his personal clerk and the Batavia's provost. A provost, in case you didn't know, that's the guy that's like. He's sort of the security chief in charge of keeping the sailors in line. He's not high ranking, but he's definitely. He's not above the boatswain, but kind of right below the boatswain.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Okay, but he's like. He's kind of took off. Yeah, he's the ad.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's for all the military people. He's basically an mp.

[Ben Kissel]

Okay, great.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. But that being said, Euronymous was given authority over what little supplies were left. So while he didn't start with explicit control, he was given the means to consolidate power and manipulate survivors. It would, however, take Euronymous a few days to realize just how big of an opportunity this really was.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because also, they had no idea how long Pelsart was going to be gone. When he left, they thought maybe, you know, for a second, maybe we'll find water right over there. Maybe there's Australia. Maybe it's right there. Like they've talked about. They knew that there were places that there were people living out here that maybe we can find one. And for 2,000 miles after you've already traveled from fucking Netherlands, like, it's really not that far. So Java's actually kind of gettable. Like, they are like, it's really, really close. And so Euronimish knows just a little bit that if Pelsar comes back, he's also going to come back with a whole army of dudes as well.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Also, it's like this, you know, he's also probably going to Die on this trip. It's a rowboat. 2,000 miles.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Low, low odds.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

But Euronymous also knows that, you know, Pelsaert took all of the best sailors, so he's got the best minds possible to get him to Java alive. Now, as far as the environment on which these survivors were suddenly stuck, the description given puts one in the mind of a particularly unpleasant version of Purgatory. Yes, the average rainfall on the Houtman Abrolhos island chain was four inches a month. But there were few places for water to pool.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's what I give my wife. Continue. Sorry, I needed to say it. All right. I'm sorry.

[Marcus Parks]

As such, most of the islands were mostly dry and lifeless. Barren strips of coral rubble. With no hills, no trees, and no caves. Besides a few bushes here and there, these islands were little more than pieces of dirt nestled in a maze of coral that threatened to destroy any boat that dared sail through. And on top of that, there were winds that could reach up to 80 miles an hour, constantly blowing.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's also kind of crazy because it's really just mounds of dirt in the middle of vast unconquerable ocean. So it must be very frightening as a group of 270 people just standing on the very top of the ocean, just like looking around, being like, oh well, oh, let's. It's gonna be my birthday next week. Like what do you do?

[Ben Kissel]

Also, the coral's just jagged as fuck. Ye rough. It's like very healthy back then. Now coral's. Yeah, now coral's bleached worse than John Stamos's asshole.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Really funny. Really funny, Eddie. But also I think that this shows our attack on the coral is not wrong.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And I think partially, yes. This is. You know, these corals need to mind their place.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

And if any corals out there listening.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You can go, you can go fuck yourself with you trying to get in the way of commerce. Okay. Oh, here's one more quart oil.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. You see what happens when you get in the way of commerce?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, buddy. I'm coming down there with a. I'm me take a old old school hairspray cans and fill a bunch of crabs mouths with it.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. I'm just got a hair dryer just blowing the water wicking, making it hot.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Yeah. Fart all day.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Your ass coral. Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

I'll set myself on fire to make an extra $5.

[Ben Kissel]

Great idea. Yeah. But I do, I do love you, coral.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And you.

[Ben Kissel]

And if you haven't seen a coral reef yet, you should Go. Because it's all going to die in.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes, it's all. It's gone very soon now. While there was little vegetation, the animal life on the islands was actually plentiful. Or at least it was when the survivors of the Batavia arrived. Thousands of seabirds and hundreds of seals populated these islands. But there certainly weren't enough to sustain 270 people for the months they expected to be there. Furthermore, the birds introduced a hazard because thousands of birds produce hundreds of pounds of guano. Guano which slicked up every surface and likely splatter the survivors with bird shit on a near constant basis.

[Ben Kissel]

Hell yeah, there's something about it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't know what it is. Just talk about adding the slick ass.

[Ben Kissel]

Shit.

[Marcus Parks]

Constant Prat falls in the middle of this disaster. Well, perhaps worst of all, though, were the noises the birds made.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Whoa.

[Marcus Parks]

One of the species who made their home on Houtman's Abrolhos was the mutton bird. Notorious for having a call that sounds like what I'd imagine one might hear while being haunted by the ghost of a colicky infant. Okay. Constant and never ending.

[Ben Kissel]

Sounds like JD Vance on his couch.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And the couch is going, oh, get off me. Get off.

[Ben Kissel]

It sounds like anal without clove oil.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, it's called having. You know, if you ever had sex with a dolphin, it's better than having sex with a tuna. Yeah, tuna. Because of the tight seal.

[Marcus Parks]

Not just.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You're gonna want to get. You all right? We're gonna wake up me wife. All right. You're working me hard.

[Marcus Parks]

All right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You're jangling my ring.

[Marcus Parks]

Just before leaving Houtman, Zobrolos upper merchant Pelsart had placed 180 survivors on the island that soon came to be known as Batavia's graveyard. And the breakdown of the island's population was bad news for a large number of those people. In the beginning, almost half of the population on Batavia's graveyard was as thus, 20 men who had worked as VOC petty officers, Coopers, Carpenters and Smiths. 21 women and 40 children. That, of course, included the numerous cabin boys, teenagers mostly. But the tragedy in the population of Batavia's graveyard lay in the other half, the 100 seamen and soldiers. These men, with few notable exceptions, were violent, rapacious, amoral, and soon to be very thirsty, very hungry, and worst of all, very bored.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You are right, I'm bored. You know what they say, if you're boring, then you're a boring person. Yeah, I've heard that before. But we're kind of really fucked out here? Yeah. I'm bored. You ever see. You ever notice if you look at a boy long enough, it becomes a full grown woman? Yar, I've played that game before.

[Ben Kissel]

That's why I want to kill it so bad.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I didn't know what it was that I was feeling, you know? And then I was looking at. I got a little smell of my favorite spice. Oh, we're saved. I found my Connect 4 game. All right. Lost one of the pieces. Let's cut off one of the boys nipples.

[Ben Kissel]

Honestly, though, why didn't they, like, I don't know, make checkers out of rocks or something?

[Henry Zebrowski]

They had time, dude. It just. There's something about total freedom.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And unmoored from all societal bounds.

[Marcus Parks]

Now, without the might of their company behind them, the VOC petty officers had no real authority over the soldiers and sailors on Batavia's graveyard. So they fell back on protocol to see if they could keep the rougher members of the crew from surrendering to their basest instincts. Immediately, as was VOC custom, the officers formed a council with the ship surgeon at its head, because the surgeon was well liked by everyone on board. But the council was then filled with other men of status, like the provost, Pelsaert's clerk, and the minister who was traveling to Java with his family to represent the soldiers. The council allowed just one man, a corporal, to speak with their voice.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, I'm here for the soldiers and the sailors, and I speak with the same voice as every single one of them. Yeah. You hurt me. You have heard the rest.

[Marcus Parks]

Putting together committees, however, didn't solve the problem of water. Most of the fresh water that Captain Jacobs had salvaged from the shipwreck was gone by the fourth day. And 10 people died from dehydration soon after 260.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Just keep that counter going.

[Ben Kissel]

I know. We really do need a counter.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Ben Kissel]

Or like a stamp every time someone dies. You know, like on the side of a wagon.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

You know, like back in the day, whenever they slaughter somebody they, like, stamp it on the side.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yeah. Well, it's because it's gonna get. The people on the island is going to get very important.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes. Well, while they were dying of thirst, some drank their urine, others unadvisedly drank seawater. And it's very likely we've seen this happen many a time on our shipwreck series, that they drank the blood from the seabirds and the adorable sea lions that were all wiped out within days of humans being introduced into their environment.

[Ben Kissel]

What month is it again?

[Marcus Parks]

June.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, well, you're not supposed to drink sea lion blood in a month that doesn't have an R in it. Did you know that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So. But basically from September to April, you, you could drink sea lion blood. Otherwise it spoils too much.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's bad. It's out of season.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Oh, wait, no. This is in the southern hemisphere, right? Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It does change. Things do change.

[Ben Kissel]

So they were probably fine.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

I don't know if they're just weak.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They really, they really might be very weak. But it also kind of is a big rundown of just how humanity, as we spread across the continents, what we did to every single animal and plant life that we encountered. Where they talk about how in Australia, when we first arrived to Australia, there used to be 1012 foot wombats that were so big and fat and delicious and so innocent, they had no idea what the it was that we were there for. And then we ate the living out of them out of existence.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And like those seals probably were like, because they're fine. And then all of a sudden you got this pink guy.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Shows up and you're like, first you're.

[Ben Kissel]

Like having a good time.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Would you like a barrel? I found this barrel.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You didn't know you invited Hitler into your sea town and you didn't know that there was going to be a culling of you and your kind.

[Marcus Parks]

That's the same thing happened with the dodo. They say that the dodo was famously dumb. The dodo was not famously dumb. The dodo was just very friendly.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

It would just walk right up to him. You're like, I'm delicious. And they would like marinate it in kisses.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh yeah, dude. Just like do where they like bite a chunk out of its ass and throw the rest of it away. Just going like, there's so many of them who give a chance.

[Ben Kissel]

Honestly though, I would give anything to eat dodo meat.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's one of my big dreams.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, soon enough, the problem of freshwater was solved. When storms rolled in. The survivors used sailcloth to catch the rainwater and subsequently caught enough with each rainfall to at least save themselves from death by dehydration. Rations were still, however, very low. Meanwhile, as people were dying of thirst on Batavia's graveyard, there were still 70 morons trying to ride out the disaster by staying on the rapidly deteriorating corpse of the Batavia.

[Ben Kissel]

Just throwing gold at each other and still literally.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. That moronic crew included Euronymous Cornelis who seemingly still had not taken up the responsibility of being in Charge of the supplies.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know what I actually equate that to? It's a little bit of trying to retain a sense of normalcy.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, maybe.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And just being like, we'll just stay on the boat until the very. Like, if the boat's here, let's stay on the boat. It feels reassuring to be inside of the boat.

[Marcus Parks]

I can understand that. But. But regardless, Euronymous and his fellow idiots stayed on the Batavia for over a week after the crash. Because at least if it is. I know it's comforting, but it's still fucking stupid. Oh, yes, because the boat's gonna. The boat is gonna fucking deteriorate.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You are. There's something that is deeply delusional.

[Marcus Parks]

Delusional.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's a good word for it that you are just kind of. Maybe it'll all work out.

[Ben Kissel]

Whatever happened to the captain has to be the last one off? And is that, like, a newer thing than this? Because it's. He's already halfway to job.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, I think if the ship is, like, just sort of stuck, then there's no. Like. It would be ridiculous to just say, like, all right, you're gonna have to stay here maybe another week or two before this thing goes down.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I wish I could get off this boat. Listen, all right? I wish I could come over there and help you. I see that you're all being systematically tortured, raped, and murdered on that island over there, but my hands are tied. It's this railing. I can't pass the railing or I get fired from your grave.

[Ben Kissel]

Hey, everybody. How you doing? It's Ed here. Talk to you about quints again. And I tell you what, I love talking about quints. Not just talking about it, being about it. I got these nice undershirts that I wear now. If you see me on stage and I got, like, a plain shirt that really makes my necklace pop on top of it. That's a quint shirt. I'm wearing that. That's how much I like quince. I wear it when I go out and I perform for you people, all right? They have very versatile pieces of affordable clothing. And you know what I'm going to get into next? It's that Mongolian cashmere crew neck sweater. Just 50 bucks. Are you kidding me? Quints, the thing I like most from Quince, yes, the undershirts are great. The sunglasses are wonderful, but the best thing they got is linen. Now, I know we're in the middle of winter, and the Mongolian cashmere crewneck sweater makes a lot more sense, but I'm saying now, invest in that linen because when summer comes, it becomes a very hot commodity. But you don't have to worry about them running out because Quince partners directly with the top factories and Quince cuts the cost of the middleman and they pass the savings right down to you. So look good, look like a prince, get some Quince, all right? Indulge in affordable luxury. Go to quints.com last for free shipping on your order and 300 returns. That's Q-U I N C E.com last to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com last be good to yourselves, people.

[Henry Zebrowski]

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[Marcus Parks]

Well, on June 12th, the Batavia finally broke apart under the pressure of the waves and its near constant contact with the reef that had sunk it. Out of the 70 men who stayed on the ship, 42 drowned when it sank. Remember one, only one guy in seven on this ship can swim. And Euronimous Cornelis was one of those guys who couldn't swim. When the Batavia collapsed, he grabbed a piece of wood and drifted in the ocean for two days before washing up on an island.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We were this close.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, almost. And you also gotta ask like what that did to his mental state as well.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh yeah, I mean, he probably got that brain damage a little bit.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, I just think it's just he. Once he survived, what does it fucking matter now? You know what I mean? Like, God must have chosen him to survive.

[Marcus Parks]

And also I will now do anything to not be caught in that situation again.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh yeah, but it keeps fucking me up about this whole thing is how do only one in seven people know how to swim? It's not like swimming is a privilege.

[Marcus Parks]

If I remember correctly. I think it has something to do with like swimming being associated with disease during this time period. Because if you get sick. Yeah, getting sick. Well, because, you know, if you lived in a city, you know, every body of water around you was filled with human feces and urine. Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

So Amsterdam canal is probably not the best to be swimming in.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I wouldn't.

[Marcus Parks]

No, no, I wouldn't.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But I tell you what though, I took a couple of sips and I tripped harder than any mushroom I had that entire city. Man, you want to get. That's where the high is in that town is.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, the disintegration of the Batavia ended up being a blessing, along with the 28 nitwits barrels containing 500 gallons of fresh water and 500 gallons of wine washed up on the island shores. Once recovered, the men put the supplies in a central storage area, and by Upper merchant Pelsart's orders, Euonymus Corneli's was finally put in charge of everything that kept the survivors alive. The recovered supplies, however, weren't anywhere near plentiful enough to sustain everyone. There were now 208 people left alive.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Think about it. So now we're at 208.

[Marcus Parks]

Okay, we started at 270, now we're at 200. It's a week later and we're at 208.

[Henry Zebrowski]

62 in a week.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. And even if they all lived on half rations, they still needed to consume 3 tons of meat and well over a thousand gallons of water every month. The seabirds and sea lions were also, as I said, all gone. Meaning that what they'd recovered would last the survivors no more than a week before they would have to begin the discussion about the seaworld.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Come. Yeah, yeah. Guys. People ask Henry, do you write the material? How hard do you work on this? And it's so. It's just right there.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, I mean, really, I. When I wrote that, I. There were two options for what, which C word you were going to choose. And you went with the least likely one. And I commend you for that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's the least likely one.

[Marcus Parks]

Come.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, come is like there's like a whole. When you watch the stream, it's like a catchphrase.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah, but the most. But the most famous C word.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, what?

[Marcus Parks]

C?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

It'S famously called the C word.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's right, buddy. Y old cut now. See you next Tuesday.

[Marcus Parks]

Come on.

[Henry Zebrowski]

On the stream. It's live on Tuesday is more popular than come.

[Marcus Parks]

No, no, when you refer to the C word, most people don't think come.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, no, no. You know what? I actually mostly refer to, you know that first thing I think of Congress. Whoa.

[Marcus Parks]

Take a lap. He's dabbing, he's dabbing. For those of you. He's taking off his headphones and he's dabbing. No, the C word is cannibalism.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, more despair was introduced well, more despair was introduced when it became clear that the rescue expedition was not going to return with more fresh water. And that's if Pelsart and his men weren't already dead themselves. These mounting issues soon became too overwhelming for the ship surgeon to handle. As leader of the island council.

[Ben Kissel]

I.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Could flop a couple of lungs around, you know, I could play with your liver a Bunch and play with your dead lips. But that's it for me, man. That's as much as I can handle.

[Marcus Parks]

So to share the load, he turned to the man in charge of the supplies, Euronymous Cornelis. And with dizzying speed, Euronymous took complete control by turning Batavia's graveyard into his own private dictatorship.

[Ben Kissel]

You seem like a trustworthy guy. Some guy is not gonna get drunk.

[Henry Zebrowski]

With powers, all right? Absolutely correct. I would never, ever disabuse my power. You worm.

[Ben Kissel]

Well, I appreciate it, you know, because I'm busy here sewing the bodies back together.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, I see what you're doing when you're selling them, and it's most delectable. Don't worry, I'll share the loads.

[Ben Kissel]

You know, you seem untrustworthy, but I'm gonna say I'm gonna go against my brother judgment and say you're in charge.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I can't wait to see your funeral.

[Ben Kissel]

Me neither. I wonder who's gonna come. I wonder who's gonna Cunt.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Thank you. The C word.

[Marcus Parks]

Now, during the sea voyage, Euronymous had little to no power. But once he was handed the leadership position, the survivors were listening to his every word and carrying out every order he gave. Which of course, led to immediate abuses of power. One of Euronymous first orders was to give himself a large private tent, which was a dick move on an island with zero shelter. Then, as befitting his rise in stature, he raided upper merchant Pelsart's closet and began wearing Pelsaert's clothes, complete with Pelsaert's commanding rank. Epaulets. Ah, yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

What I love. Perfect. Leathers, jewels, hats, gloves. Perfect. I will be completely dressed in this 80°. Here. I'm actually going to take some of this off. He was. It is interesting because would you respect a man that just floated in on a board?

[Marcus Parks]

I would not respect a man who just floated in on a board. And I would respect a man less who put on another man's clothing in an attempt to look more official.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, I. It's just the concept of the man floating in on the. On the board and just going like. But the next. Being Hitler is like the weirdest jump in status.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. But on the other hand, I mean, as we've, you know, as the world has proved again and again, you know, humiliating yourself does not preclude people from treating you as a God, like being.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, it's almost like they. They kind of like that within you because they themselves are a big old fucking loser. Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Well, once properly adorned Euronymous gave orders to build rafts out of the empty supply barrels. He told people to explore other islands. He told them to erect more tents. This is all perfectly reasonable things to do.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes, it is, isn't it?

[Marcus Parks]

But by the end of June, after about four weeks on Batavia's graveyard, the sailors, I suppose, ran out of things to talk about. And one of them. Sir, I'm bored.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm sick of your story. I heard every one of your jokes, and each one ends with the black guy fucking the white woman.

[Ben Kissel]

Have you ever been to the Netherlands?

[Henry Zebrowski]

All right, guys, hear it again. Yes, and they're horrible.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, one of them began gossiping about the mutiny plot that had been afoot just before the ship wrecked on the reef.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You wouldn't even fucking believe this, man. We were planning a mutiny. We fucking were gonna kill all you pieces of shit. Crazy, right?

[Marcus Parks]

No, it was one of the mutineers. It wasn't. Just like I heard about this. Just like, man. Yeah, we were definitely gonna kill everyone and become pirates. That's not gonna happen now, I guess.

[Ben Kissel]

Best laid plan.

[Marcus Parks]

Now, Euronymous name wasn't being mentioned yet, but he knew that it was likely that upper merchant Pelsaert was now headed straight to Java after failing to find more freshwater. And Pelsaert would soon return with a ship and a crew of at least 20 men. But since the mutiny plot was becoming common knowledge on the island, the survivors, when they were rescued, they would no doubt spill the details once Pelsaert returned and Euronymous part would eventually be revealed, resulting a trip to the VOC gallows. So after the word got out about the mutiny, Euronymous decided that his only hope of survival was to overtake the rescue ship and return to his original plan of becoming a dread pirate. But to do that, Euronymous needed sailors and soldiers, lots of them. So his mutiny recruitment resumed.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know, he. This shows the God, the worst part about evil nerds is their work ethic and their ability to sort of put in the work in a moment that they. That needs to be done. Because this is him. All of a sudden it's like, you talk about this, it's an instant switch.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, well, over the course of just a week, Euronymous was able to recruit even more men for his plot than what he'd managed to persuade when the Batavia was still at sea. When he added his original gang to the new recruits, he found himself in the company of of two dozen cutthroats and dastards anxious to join his pirate Fantasy. What's interesting though, is that no concrete details exist as to exactly how Euronymous was able to pull this off. But considering how charismatic and grossly unethical he was, it probably wasn't all that difficult. See, Euronimus was particularly good at making a case for common cause. He told his men, he and them, they're the same, despite the fact that they were hardened men of action. And he was basically a pharmacist dandy turned sales rep. Now, what is a dastard? A dastard's like a bastard, but worse.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, it's a bastard. Who's your father?

[Ben Kissel]

One that stuck around, but he's just. You wish he left.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes, I could say I usually put Dastard with a high woman and piece spirits. Those are the men. Men outside of the law.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, and that's Ronan's dastardly.

[Ben Kissel]

That's where that comes from.

[Marcus Parks]

Exactly.

[Ben Kissel]

There we go.

[Henry Zebrowski]

A dastard knows who's his father is and he hates his ass.

[Ben Kissel]

I got a dastard.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. See, I feel like Euronimus also, it is putting them in the same level because in society they would never be.

[Marcus Parks]

No.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Right, so now it's. No, that's.

[Marcus Parks]

That's my whole point. Yeah, yeah. They're men of action and he's, you know, fiddling with his apothecary kit. Yes. Back in Amsterdam. But now they're on the sea and it's a whole different game.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, so you're already fucked. I feel like there's also the thing too of like, we might all just be dead here anyway.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, and that's. And that also like, brings up the question is like, you know, some people, when you are get faced with, you know, almost certain death, like, some people accept it and just sort of ride out the time. You know, some people try to do as much good as they can before they die. And some people turn into absolute monsters because they've wanted to. They've wanted to be monsters their entire lives.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

And now they can be without consequence. Now, from what it seems the logical fallacy that held the mutiny together was thus. Since the VOC didn't care about what happened to its employees, Euronymous and his men didn't need to give a about anyone but themselves. See, when Euronymous stepped into the power vacuum, you had a person in a position of authority telling these downtrodden soldiers and sailors that it was okay to act on their worst impulses at all times. And if they acted on those impulses, it would somehow translate to them Living the life they'd always deserved.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That yada yada, yada. Super important.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. In other words, dandies from rich families who have never done a hard day's work in their lives have been taking advantage of the worst impulses of the working class for centuries. And the worse the working class is treated, the easier it is for the dandies to turn them into monsters. See America from 2016 to present day. For more details on that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

What's going on? I don't understand, Marcus. What does that refer to?

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, a bunch of rich boys stirring up people who don't have any money and telling them.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You mean the manliest men on record that are they that know exactly how we should push this country forward into a full hemispheric power.

[Marcus Parks]

Men with the best potato bodies humanity has to offer.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Nothing I love better than a president I can motorboat.

[Marcus Parks]

Now, the men who would do the majority of the dirty work in Euronimous name over the coming months were the army cadets. Young men between 21 and 25 years old, otherwise known as the most dangerous demographic of humans on the planet.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Congrats, boys. Amen.

[Ben Kissel]

They really are. Although nowadays I'd say it's 16 year olds are the most dangerous.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, they're all bad. Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

I get really scared when I see a pack of 16 year olds. I get terrified.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. You can't kill them, you can't punch them, you can't do anything, do nothing.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Cuz if you fight back, you're in Trouble.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Now, 16 year olds have always. They've been dangerous for a long While now, but 21 to 25, they've got a little bit of intelligence to them and that makes them particularly dangerous. There were, however, men in Euronymous crew outside of the soldier and sailor set, who may have just been drawn to the allure of the pirate's life. Like the 23 year old Dutch locksmith, he joined with little hesitation. Didn't really have any reason to join, just did it because he wanted to.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All right, sounds fun. All right, let's go.

[Marcus Parks]

Likewise, the man who became Euronymous principal lieutenant, the man who would organize the gang and ensure the orders were carried out. He wasn't a soldier or a sailor either, Rather Euronymous. Right hand was another VOC officer, an assistant from Amsterdam named David Zavank, who would prove to be one of the most violent psychopaths in this story.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Never trust an assistant.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Or a save. Yeah. This is the thing, Neil, you never know what happens in there.

[Marcus Parks]

It is, however, important to note that like many demagogues who get off on hurting people en masse, Euronimous Cornelis, with one pathetic exception, never got his hands dirty himself.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, because if he was in even a one on one combat with any single person, they could overpower him.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, he was a bitch.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. And so, once his crew was established, Euronymous slowly began to detach himself and his gang from the other survivors. Starting with the confiscation of anything that could be used as a weapon, but specifically the swords and the muskets. Once he removed the survivors means of defending themselves, Euronymous and his right hand man, David Zavak, came up with a plan to take control of the islands. Using cold calculation and subtle manipulation, their first priority was reducing how many mouths they had to feed, both to conserve supplies and to limit the risk that their conspiracy to steal the rescue ship and strand everyone else might be discovered. After conferring with Zavac, Euronymous decided that cutting the number of survivors by half and condemning over a hundred people to death would be a good start. Although violent murder was not their first method.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes, great start. So much fun. Can't wait.

[Marcus Parks]

Rather, Euronymous had his followers explore the nearby islands on rafts, with the goal of finding an island without any resources, where they could send a large group to die of dehydration or hunger.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yar, Euronimus, I found this space over here. It sucks.

[Ben Kissel]

It's gonna kill like a 10 year old kills a hamster that he doesn't pay attention to.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh yeah. To be honest, he kind of thinks that, that they can kind of separate them all piece by piece and then everyone will just leave him alone.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Now to get the geography straight in our heads here, the survivors would ultimately be spread across four islands in the Houtman Abrolhos chain. But the three islands that became the site of Euronymous atrocities were grouped together in a close triangle formation. The topmost island in the triangle was Batavia's graveyard, the so called womb shaped island.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. Womb shaped, yes, absolutely. A veritable shape that everyone knows very close to many other things. You could have said pear shaped.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, actually it's not even pear shaped either.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, no, I actually looked at it. You know what shape it is, Marcus? Fig shaped fig.

[Marcus Parks]

Huh?

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's like it's. You first of all go absolutely. And yourself. Because I know figs and I looked at that and that is a halved.

[Ben Kissel]

Fig is now a fig. Like not like one you'd eat, but one that's like still attached to a tree. Yes.

[Marcus Parks]

That's stupid.

[Henry Zebrowski]

None of you tried. None of you tried like I tried.

[Marcus Parks]

It looks like a J. Yeah, actually fig Boom. Well, half a mile to the south was a supposedly mushroom shaped island. Although after looking at it on a map, I'd say it's more like a liver.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm gonna flip out.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, the liver shaped island was where Pelsaert had consolidated supplies before exiling most of the survivors to Batavia's graveyar. So the mutineers rechristened Pelsaert's former base as Traitor's island as a slight to those who had abandoned them.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And in the middle of it, we'll change it to the Gulf of Asshole.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, he's a real asshole, right? Yeah, he's a piece of shit.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And that one over here, this is Nerd Mountain. Here's where I go. That's where I go to look at all the nerds.

[Ben Kissel]

And that there is Rapist's Cove.

[Marcus Parks]

Hey now. Hey.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Hey, buddy. With a R word.

[Marcus Parks]

This was brilliant branding on Euronymous part calling it Traders Island. Because if a demagogue wants to maintain the anger of his followers, it's essential to create labels and catchphrases that constantly remind them of their grievances. Modern day example being like dei, you know, you say that word and immediately people become dissatisfied with their lot in life. It makes them blame their misfortunes on others, you know, blame their failures on others. Yes. It just keeps it just always just pressing that anger button.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, like mine's Eddie Redmayne. It really is. Can't stand him.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah, we showed him on the stream a couple of like last night or two nights ago. And you just lost your mind.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He apologized for the movie he played the lady in or whatever and maybe hate him more.

[Ben Kissel]

The Danish girl.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

You know, she didn't eat at all in that movie.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Absolutely. And she would have been horrible on the Batavia.

[Marcus Parks]

And if you want to hear that conversation, including the larger conversation about the testicle sizes of various male celebrities, go to our YouTube channel and watch last stream on the left or watch it live on our Patreon.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We'll see you next Tuesday on the screen.

[Marcus Parks]

Now about a mile.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We really need to incorporate that into our promo world.

[Marcus Parks]

I'm trying to.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, we will.

[Marcus Parks]

Now, about a mile east of Trader's island was Seals Island. So named for the hundreds of seals that had made their home there prior to the arrival of the Batavia. By the end of June, all the seals had been eaten and the only water sources were brackish pools. But the only people who knew that for sure were Euronymous and his crew. With this in mind, Euronymous told a group of men, women, and children that Seals island had plenty of resources. And since these people still trusted their leader at this point, 40 survivors readily agreed to be ferried a mile southeast, where they were left with a few barrels of water.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Water.

[Marcus Parks]

And an empty promise of more supplies to come.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Listen, you're all going to love Seals Island. Incredible island. Absolutely amazing. Enjoy yourselves right here. We'll be back. Pinball machine, barbecue grill. We're gonna have. I'm gonna get a projector. We're gonna show Weekend at Bernie's.

[Marcus Parks]

That's right.

[Ben Kissel]

Water, water, water. I mean, the bed, the.

[Marcus Parks]

And after I turn in all of my Marlboro miles, I'm bringing back a windbreaker.

[Ben Kissel]

There are so many seals there, all.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Filled with blood to drink. Yummy, yummy, yum. Actually, do you have. I, I. The seal blood's fine, but do you have 2%?

[Marcus Parks]

Well, after sending 40 people off to Seal's Island, a further 15 men, led by the ship's Provost, were sent to Traders island with tools to build rafts. Rafts that would ostensibly be used to travel to the other islands northwest of Batavia's graveyard. These islands, located a little over three miles away, the largest islands by far were dubbed the Highlands because it was the only place on any of these islands that had an elevation above 6ft.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, man.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Highlands, bro.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'll tell you what, though.

[Ben Kissel]

I feel, man, the Almond Brothers are on the highway.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I hate to say it, but I will. I think that weed is, like, the last thing I'd want on a deserted island. Really. I think that booze would be better.

[Marcus Parks]

Booze?

[Ben Kissel]

Calories.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, booze would be better only because booze does a thing. Booze makes me really not give a shit.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, really.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know, I mean, I love weed.

[Marcus Parks]

But then you get dehydrated, you die.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, again, Great.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, it was on the Highlands that Euronymous would enact his most insidious masterstroke in taking total control. He gathered together the soldiers most loyal to the VOC, 20 men in all, and sent them to the highland to find water sources. Leading this group was a soldier named Viva Hayes, who was said to be a man of considerable ability, whose character and sense of purpose were unusual for a private soldier of this time. Now, Euonymus told the loyal VOC men led by Viva Hayes that they would be dropped off at the highlands, where they would search for water and light Signal fires. If and when they found, once the fires were lit, Batavia's graveyard would come to their aid and bring them back to home base with all that water in tow. But Euronymous knew that Captain Jakobs and upper merchant Pelsaert had already searched the highlands for water and found nothing. So it was Euronymous hope that he could dump the men most likely to challenge his mutiny on a barren dirt ball where they'd die of thirst.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know, I just feel like it's not a good thing to count against the trained soldiers.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And so once Viva Hayes and his men were stranded on the highlands with no way of returning on their own, Euronymous had condemned 75 survivors to near certain death and in the process had removed most of the men and boys who might have fought back when the time came for Euronymous to take full control.

[Ben Kissel]

Now, do you think he was planning on that then?

[Marcus Parks]

Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Now when he was sending everyone off to the different islands. Oh, yeah, they had. They had already had the conversation of like, how are we going to do this? How are we going to take the number down to enough people where when the rescue boats come, we can easily take them over and get the fuck out of here?

[Ben Kissel]

And this is like a month after being on Batavia's graveyard, right?

[Marcus Parks]

Yes, that is about a month.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It is wild how fast all of this falls together.

[Ben Kissel]

You know, honestly, a month seems like a long time when you're doing nothing and starving and you can't. You're fucking eating your own tongue.

[Marcus Parks]

Sounds like a month of Sundays.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm bored. There's nothing to do on this stupid old island. This guy's kicking shells like. I guess we just have to create a system of devastation. You're right.

[Marcus Parks]

But even with the removal of 75 people, there were still 133 survivors on Batavia's graveyard, including Euronymous and his two dozen compatriots. Far more than what the supplies could support. So finally, Euronymous came to the conclusion that their only remaining option was murder.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Murder.

[Ed Larson]

We have to murder the Minecos. It's the only way.

[Marcus Parks]

I would say more of a suppose. I suppose.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I suppose murder will be in order.

[Ben Kissel]

Maybe I should change. I want to try out a new outfit.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's just so amazing to have so many looks. I never have this before. Here we go. This is my I'm gonna touch your boobies look. This is your I'm gonna kill your.

[Marcus Parks]

F. Now, Euronymous was far too smart to just start killing people willy nilly. Instead, he began by disguising the thinning of the herd as law and order, which is usually how things like this get going. The first victim was a soldier who'd been caught tapping a wine barrel outside of his normal rations. Under interrogation, that is torture. He admitted that he'd been doing this for quite some time, and even ratted out his friend who'd been sharing the spoils.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's an addiction. Addiction. It's a disease, this alcoholism. I'm addicted to Merlot. I can't stop.

[Ben Kissel]

I was drinking with Jerry. That's ridiculous.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's like full purple lips. I don't even know she's talking about wine. I can see I didn't complain at all.

[Marcus Parks]

Now, this offense was brought before the island's council, the one that was originally led by the Surgeon and was still made up of mostly higher class passengers and crew from the Batavia. But as we mentioned, Euronymous had taken control of the council at the Surgeon's insistence. And Euronymous surprised everyone by insisting that both wine thieves be executed to send a strong message against stealing. Now, the Council refused to agree to a death sentence for something so minor. So, as is common when dictators are seizing control, Euronymous threw a tantrum.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Like, literally. Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Dissolved the original council council and formed a new one with his fellow mutineers. Pretty fairly similar. Not one to one, but fairly similar to how the Nazis did it. Lacking weapons or the will to resist, the original council members had no recourse but to let it happen. In short order, the new council executed the soldier who tapped the wine by drowning him, loudly and publicly, then quickly sentenced two more men to death on bogus charges to fully establish the new order of things.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We kill people. Not now.

[Marcus Parks]

The second execution orders were directed at two carpenters accused of secretly building small sailboats so they could selfishly escape. They weren't. And for that, they were stabbed to death by swords by Euronymous Gang.

[Ben Kissel]

You know the best way to kill a carpenter, though, is just leave out meth all the time.

[Marcus Parks]

Carpenters. Guys who put up drywall.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Guys who. Guys who steal drywall. Guys who put up bronze piping. Guys who take out bronze piping.

[Ben Kissel]

Also, you're accusing the carpenters of building rats, so you kill them when you could have just been like, hey, guys, why don't you build some rafts?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, keep building rafts for us.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, build the boat. Well, I mean, it was. So they were trying to build sailboats.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, I guess. I really. The logic here is so twisted. So much of the time. Like a lot of the shit that they do just doesn't really make sense and they just kind of have to wave it away and they eventually do.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It almost for the payment and the cruelty, the pain and the cruelty of it.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, absolutely. The cruelty is very much the the point most of the time. But eventually I think the cruelty also starts to happen with more regularity so they don't have to answer the types of questions that Ed just asked.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, and yeah, which is going to start happening to Eddie when she keeps asking these come on. Questions to our leader. How dare you. I say it's not. He gets 10 ball spanks.

[Ben Kissel]

You keep that up, I'm going to hide your clove oil.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, no. What about my My Weekend T Mobile 5G Home Internet keeps Getting better get.

[Marcus Parks]

Our fastest connection loaded with Benefits get.

[Ben Kissel]

T Mobile's best home Internet starting at 55 bucks a month with autopay and.

[Marcus Parks]

Any voice line plus price lock.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We won't raise your rate on Internet.

[Ben Kissel]

Check availability@t mobile.com Internet exclusions like taxes and fees apply.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Guarantees regular monthly rate plan price of fixed wireless 5G Internet data with qualifying service after 15 bill credit credit with postpaid voice line plus $5 a month without auto pay with debit or bank account. Regulatory fees included for qualifying accounts. $35 connection charge applies. Speeds vary due to factors affecting cellular networks. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. People ask me, Henry, what are some of your relationship green flags? And mine is is she willing to help me fight my enemies? Is she willing to stand with me at the edge of the crater of madness and look deep into the pit of despair and still jump with power of a thousand suns as our love blazes through the epics of time. Then in the end, the end of eternity, we sat staring at each other on the beach of the universe, staring in each other's eyes until we make love with our lungs. That's my thing. But whether you're dating, married, building a friendship, or just working on yourself, it's time to form relationships that love you back with better help. Better Help is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient. Serving over 5 million people worldwide. It's amazing. Easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost. And you should discover your relationship green flags with better help. Visit betterhelp.com lastpod to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp h e l p.com lastpod this podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. You make a website, you use the website. Website succeed. Thanks, Squarespace. Now that I found the little boy that now is running the horse picks empire, I am angry with the way that he is handling it. A lot of these horses, honestly, it's subpar and a lot of it's pretty lazy. The current J.D. vance horse that they just put a beard on is honestly, as far as I'm concerned, extremely, extremely offensive to me as a person with a former bearded face. So now that's why I have started my own new website, thanks to Squarespace, Destroy Horse picks. Because the goal is to go after this rogue child that took my dream and perverted it. And ha. And the only entity that can help me in my search for revenge against this one childlike entrepreneur is Squarespace. Check out squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're Ready to launch squarespace.com left to save 10% off your first purchase of a winner, website or domain. I'm coming for you, Charlie Bucket.

[Marcus Parks]

Now, the thinning of the ranks to save supplies was not Euronymous only motivation for executing survivors. If Euronymous pirate plan was to succeed, the two dozen mutineers would need to survive on the island until the VOC's return without any interference from VOC loyalists. So any possible descent had to be stopped before it even began. Euronymous, however, couldn't yet murder people out in the open, and he could only fabricate so many charges worthy of execution. So his mutineer council came up with the plan to disappear the remaining VOC loyalists by taking them out on so called search missions and drowning them on the open sea.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So what you're telling me is that you would go out to search, then you'd murder them? Wow. But the searching's not real.

[Marcus Parks]

No, wow. Not at all.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's lying. So you mean to tell me we'll be lying?

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, we'll be lying.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But then we get to murder.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. And which is worse? Hypocrisy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Honestly, it's hypocrisy.

[Ben Kissel]

Who's gonna do my laundry?

[Marcus Parks]

Well, the first group, two soldiers and two seamen, were taken out by a gang of six who rode until Batavia's graveyard was no longer in view. Once out of sight, the mutineers grabbed the loyalists, tied their hands and feet, and threw them overboard to drown.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I knew. Should have known this was happening.

[Ben Kissel]

You want to see a rub trick?

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's the problem, man. That's why it's always super important. Watch Godfather 2. Yeah, I know that Anytime anybody's taking you and out on a boat and you hadn't planned for at least a couple of weeks, you're getting whacked.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. But out of the four men set to be executed, a VOC cadet begged for his life and succeeded. He pledged total loyalty to the mutineers, meaning he was now required to do anything Euronymous or his men asked of him, under pain of death. This cadet was the first of many survivors to join the mayhem in order to save their own skin. And in the weeks to come, these cowards would do terrible things over and over again just to prove their allegiance. Now, since the first group execution had gone well, Euronymous ordered another two days later. But this time, it was more about settling a personal beef. One mutineer, an absolutely psychopathic German named Matty Speer, who would eventually kill dozens. He had pegged two VOC men as cacklers, meaning they talk too loudly.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Why are you fucking pointing at me?

[Ben Kissel]

I also talk too loud while I'm getting pegged.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, yeah, seriously, I lost of. It's like, oh, hey, who are you? Oh, my God, the captain of police. Grab the clove oil. Where's the clove oil, buddy? You're jerking me around like I'm some kind of ripped open Christmas stocking.

[Ben Kissel]

I really want to thank the person who wrote in about the clove oil.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. No. Well, amongst the cacklers drowned at sea was the ship's upper trumpeter. And I just wanted to talk about this guy because I find this job fascinating. Yeah, this is like the more or less the ship's house house band. He'd use a trumpet or a drum and he'd set the work pace. He'd signal workers when it was time to eat meals and communicate between ships in the flotilla.

[Ben Kissel]

Regular miles from land. Davis, very funny.

[Marcus Parks]

That's really good.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Just the idea of just like, literally, that's all he does. He just goes and goes. And then they're like, oh, you're killing me here, you know, Upper trumpeter. And he's just like, blame the music. You know what I mean? Like, blame the cheat. I, you know, I'm not playing.

[Ben Kissel]

Go invent the guitar.

[Marcus Parks]

But the second set of executions marked a turning point in the island mutiny. Instead of killing someone solely because they were loyal to the voc, Euronymous was now giving permission to kill simply because a mutineer didn't like someone. Which of course, edged them closer and closer. Closer to murder. Most Willy nilly.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Willy nilly. Murder is some of the most devastating actions that can happen to society.

[Marcus Parks]

God, yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Willy Nilly is like. It's. A lot is hidden within the term willy nilly.

[Ben Kissel]

It sounds cute.

[Marcus Parks]

It does, it does. But I mean, technically, you know, genocide is by definition willy nilly.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It literally is. It is almost the pure definition of willy nilly. Like, the Holocaust got so willy nilly.

[Ben Kissel]

Okay, here.

[Marcus Parks]

I would actually argue that the Holocaust is the opposite of Willy nilly. The Holocaust was highly organized.

[Henry Zebrowski]

What's the opposite of Willy nilly?

[Marcus Parks]

What's Stalin organized? I would say Stalin. Now that's Willy Nilly. He was very Willy nilly. Like all the. Yeah, the. The famines of Ukraine or in Ukraine. Yeah, that was. That's Willy nilly.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But what about. What's the words opposite? Is it like Nollywald organized? No, but like. Oh, it's a silly word.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, a silly word.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Bingry Bongi, cocky buggy thing.

[Marcus Parks]

Organized and silly don't really go hand in hand.

[Ben Kissel]

Got your all lined up.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So the Holocaust had its all lined up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Real well.

[Ben Kissel]

Thank you.

[Marcus Parks]

Real well. I had whole teams of people on it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Wow.

[Ben Kissel]

I just got four family members that aren't gonna talk to me anymore.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I tried to say they were willy nilly.

[Marcus Parks]

Now, by this point, Euronymous had ordered the deaths of eight men. Five secretly and three publicly. That's not bad. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I order the deaths of millions each day and no one listens.

[Marcus Parks]

Euronymous had also consolidated control by dissolving the original council and forming a new one made up of his most trusted lieutenants. He'd also successfully eased the pressure on supplies by sending large groups of survivors to die on other islands. This also divided his potential enemies into four separate camps, two of which had no way of returning to Batavia's graveyard. But the problem with sending away men like Viva Hias is that the most loyal soldiers on the Batavia were also the most capable. Because as it turns out, men who are willing to murder dozens of people to fulfill a pirate fantasy are probably not going to be the ship's best and brightest.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's called fascist brain drain.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Yeah, that's exactly what it is. Well, as it turned out, the men Euronimus had stranded on the highlands survived for three weeks before finding several water sources on July 9th.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, they were good at this. They literally went and did their job Hardcore.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, he sent the best guys out. Of course they're going to find it. They're the best guys. Per his orders, Viva Highest lit signal fires so Euronymous could send men to bring them back. The Fires, of course, course, were a most unwelcome sight to Euronimus and his men.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yeah. Because over those three weeks, he had really put this whole thing into permanent order.

[Ben Kissel]

And it's like July 4th. So if we're gonna have fires, you got fireworks. Do you think they celebrated?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know.

[Marcus Parks]

1628. Dutchman in 1628.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. You know, they could. I could have an insight to something we don't know.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Listen, tell me, have you ever shot going to a beer? No, no, I mostly drink it with my mouth.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, the panic truly began to set in for Euronymous when he saw that the group over on Trader's island were not waiting for him to give the go ahead to meet Viva on the highlands, because Euronymous had apparently forgotten that he'd given them orders to build boats. Within minutes of seeing the signal fires, the Traders island group launched two small craft towards the highland islands, loaded with the group of Dutch soldiers, the Batavia's provost, his wife and child, a German soldier and his wife, and another woman traveling with her child. Since the visibility on the open ocean is surprisingly good, you can actually see like three miles at the outset. With the naked eye, Euronymous was easily able to see the rafts leaving Trader's island from his vantage point on Batavia's graveyard, which was just half a mile away. This was worrisome because he knew that if the rafts reached the highlands and returned with Viva's group, his short reign as leader would likely end with a VOC sanctioned execution. So he made the immediate decision to send out his own men to intercept the Traders island group with orders to kill everyone with no exceptions. A group of seven led by David Zavank caught up to the Traders island boats and boarded them, where they immediately forced four soldiers overboard to their deaths.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They can't swim. It's like in BG3 when you just kick them into the fucking caverns. You just kick them down a well.

[Marcus Parks]

You lose the loot, but you get the kill.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yep.

[Ben Kissel]

These soldiers, though I hate to say it, they don't seem like great soldiers.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They're getting bum rushed and they're dehydrated.

[Ben Kissel]

And weak and all that too.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah, well. After taking control of the boats, Euronymous's men then returned to Batavia's graveyard with most of the passengers. See, now that a rival group was in play, Euronymous decided to make a bloody and brutal example. Example of what would happen if anyone else decided to join Viva Hyas on the High land islands. Once the first boat landed, Euronymous men began by pulling the Provost and his child onto the shore, where they hacked them to pieces with their swords. Two more men were pulled out along with another child who were also hacked to death. After seeing this, four men on the second boat jumped up and waded to shore, where they ran to Euronymous and begged him to call off his men, not knowing that it was Euronymous who'd personally given the kill em all order. So after giving his prisoners a glare, Euronymous told his men to give them no quarter. And all four were pinned to the ground with pikes before being chopped to death with swords and axes.

[Ben Kissel]

Kind of cool in a way.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I know it's bad, but it's also fun in a way. It's a long time ago.

[Ben Kissel]

He did quarter them.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Ben Kissel]

Or maybe eighth.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. I like to cut them into 12 ounce pieces.

[Ben Kissel]

So at this point, Vina, that's his name, Viva. Viva doesn't know that he's Euronymous enemy, right?

[Marcus Parks]

No clue. Yeah. Well. The remaining prisoners were three women, but they weren't spared either. After watching their husbands and children die. On the orders of the man who'd sworn to protect them, the women were shoved into the water and drowned. And all 15 people have been gruesomely murdered in full view of the remaining survivors on both Batavia's graveyard and trader's island. After the first of many massacres to come, the number still alive ticked down to 133.

[Ed Larson]

We're getting closer. Yes, my voice's chest. Because I'm getting used to the island now. And it's just so good to finally have all the support I've ever wanted. How do you here in the ocean? Wanna like a crab? Living his dream. Somebody bring me some ice cream.

[Ben Kissel]

I saw a seal crawling across the straight razor.

[Marcus Parks]

You know your. Your Marlon Brando sounds like Dom DeLuise doing Marlon Brando.

[Ed Larson]

Of the lions.

[Marcus Parks]

Now, after seeing what happened, if you made Euronymous angry. About a dozen men pledged their undying loyalty directly to Euronymous. Some to try and protect their families, and some just to get bigger rations of food, water and wine. But Euronymous didn't really trust the men who joined only after they witnessed the massacre. So any new recruit that wasn't a part of the original gang of 24 had to regularly demonstrate their loyalty in increasingly cruel ways. Case One of the first ordeals was endured by a German soldier named Hans, who'd boarded the Batavia with his wife and child. He joined the Mutiny after the shipwreck in hopes of protecting his family. But he had no way of knowing that his loyalty test would render his plan moot.

[Ed Larson]

I don't know how to trust you. I just could. There's something about you I don't get. Something I don't understand. I wish it was something you could do to make me feel better. Because I'm just getting so worried.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, Euronymous invited Hans and his family into his tent for dinner. But in the middle of the meal.

[Ed Larson]

I hope you like calamari. It's made out of bird. I hope you enjoy this turkey. It's made out of s. But while.

[Marcus Parks]

They were eating their meal, one of Euronymous men went over to Hans t tent and strangled Hans daughter to death.

[Ed Larson]

You enjoying yourself? You like in the appetizers? You want a little sorbet? Just sort of clean the palate. I made it on my piss. You want some? You want some seal blood? You enjoy that.

[Ben Kissel]

Someone get the trumpeter to play some music. Oh, we can't.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We can't.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh no.

[Ed Larson]

You don't know what you got till it's gone.

[Ben Kissel]

Learn the trumpet.

[Marcus Parks]

Of course. When Hans and his wife got back to the tent, they discovered discovered their daughter had been murdered. And they had a pretty damn good idea of who had murdered her. Nevertheless, a couple days later, Hans signed a written, unbreakable oath of loyalty to Euronymous and his men. Probably to try to save the life of his wife.

[Ed Larson]

Oh my God. Hans. Can't believe you're here. What changed your mind? So good to see you, Bonnie. Welcome to the mutiny.

[Ben Kissel]

I, Hans, love the man who murders me daughter.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Guess.

[Ed Larson]

A slogan. San Pedigas in the back.

[Ben Kissel]

A pledge to him my undying loyalty. For all the courage to kill her myself.

[Ed Larson]

Thank you. Somebody said that I'm brave.

[Ben Kissel]

Euronymous is sexy. Euronymous is tall game destroying. I am so fit.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Someone got me my clove oil.

[Marcus Parks]

You guys sound like a couple of drag queens.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes, that's what this is.

[Marcus Parks]

For the next loyalty test, Euronymous ordered the VOC assistant who turned coat during the first set of boat executions to slit the throats of every man, woman and child in the sick tent. 11 people and all too sick to move from scurvy or fever. With four of Euronymous men supervising, the assistant did as he was told. And when five more men were put in a sick tent a few days later, the assistant cut their throats too. From that moment on, the assistant had a new job. Because sickness on Batavia's graveyard was a Death sentence for all except those who were friends with the gang. Think about that. Within a few days, like, they have two mass murders, two massacres. Like, one day, like, 15 people are killed. Few days later, 11 people are murdered. Few days after that, five more killed. And this is. This is going at, like, such a quick fucking pace.

[Ben Kissel]

It's like 15% of the people.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

In like, three days.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But kind of feels like one of those. The stories you hear about, like, what happened in the Congo or what happened these places where the devastation is so intense and so public that they can't do it. They're, like, paralyzed by how public it is. And you do have, like. Yes. Now you have the mutineers to kind of even set that up. Is that on Batavia's graveyard? Yes. You have the bad group of mutineers, but you also have, like, the people that are really trying not get involved.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And they are. They have moved to the other side of the island, and they're trying to just be, like, very similar to something that sounds very familiar now to say, like, well, it's not hurting us right now.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So we're just gonna kind of just live over here and try to pretend like everything's fine over here. We're just gonna.

[Ben Kissel]

Over here.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And I'm gonna stay by these shells. Like I was saying, Marcus, that'd be me. I'd be on the other side of the island going, like, I'm totally cool with these shells. I don't need your wine. I don't need the ladies. All I. I just want these shells. I promise I will do nothing. He's got shells. Get him. Take your shells.

[Ben Kissel]

I try to not to get too involved in politics.

[Marcus Parks]

Now. After the mass massacre, staying over on the other side of the island, that didn't work anymore. There really wasn't a need to keep up any pretense of a just society. And since the mutineers still needed to thin the ranks, Euronymous gave them permission to kill whoever they wanted, whenever they wanted, however they wanted, just so long as the person didn't have an important job. Like, you couldn't kill the surgeon, but the guy who, like, was kind of good at catching fish.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

You could kill him if you wanted.

[Ben Kissel]

You need the fish guy.

[Marcus Parks]

But if he's only kind of good at it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Certainly don't need the trumpeter.

[Marcus Parks]

That's why he was the first to go.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Hey, you don't know what you need until you fucking need it. That trumpeter could have been locked. I mean, you never know. We can Use that to scare away birds. Bad birds.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, and by the way, all this was. All this occurred a little over a month after the Batavia was shipwrecked. And by my reckoning, all of this took place in the first week that Euronimous took control. All of it. So far.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We're not even. This is what I'm saying, guys. Like, we're not even. Even in the end of this. It's just keep getting bigger.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Now can I. The one thing I thinking about. Did they save the gold? Did the jewels and stuff?

[Marcus Parks]

I'll get to what they did with the gold in a second. It's so stupid, but with so many murders, some were bound to go awry. And few went as badly as the execution of two men. Euronimous condemned to death after they were falsely accused of stealing food. The first victim here was easy. He had his throat slit as he begged to say his prayers before death. Request that was denied.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No God here.

[Marcus Parks]

The second victim, however, was far more resilient. Or at the very least, I think the guys kind of got a little cute with it and decided to make this murder far more brutal. Problem was, they didn't have the tools to do it right. The second guy was stabbed in the chest repeatedly, but the knife snapped. A second knife was used, but that one broke too.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Why you doing this?

[Marcus Parks]

Stop it. One of the mutineers then grabbed a pair of daggers and drove them into the victim's neck. Okay, I like that one. There is something kind of funny about someone getting stabbed in the neck. I don't know what it is, but the. The mutineer managed to miss the veins, the arteries and the windpipe.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You fucking be.

[Marcus Parks]

Killing if those daggers also broke and the victim was still alive. Finally, the executioner had to dig into the victim's wounds to find a sliver of a broken knife that was sharp enough. And when he did, he ended the farce by slitting the victim's throat. It took so long and they broke like six knives. What the fuck?

[Ben Kissel]

Drowning was working so well.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Just drown them.

[Marcus Parks]

But it's not as fun. Honestly, it's. I mean, with these guys, they get such a taste for murder and they start to get inventive with it. Like they want to see all the different ways that a man can die. And they like watching men die. It's entertainment. It's like why people go to executions, like. Or why they went back in the day. Because they liked seeing people die. And these psychopaths, they get the opportunity. Opportunity. It's like every serial Killer's wet dream. It's the opportunity to just go onto an island and be able to kill whoever you want, whenever you want, however you want, without consequence. And not only that, you've got people backing you up.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The dream Maritime law.

[Marcus Parks]

Now the timeline is a little hazy here, but from what I can tell, after six weeks on the island, and about a month after Euronymous took total control, his men had continuing murdering people at some a rate that they'd successfully killed no less than 50 men, women and children. Where Batavia's graveyard had started with 140 survivors, they were now down to 90. And Euronymous wasn't even halfway done. But killing, of course, can only take up so much time in your day. And with the three eastern islands firmly under their control, the mutineers chief enemy soon became came boredom.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm bored. You know, I. It was so long. I spent a good amount of time fishing that piece of knife out of that guy. You saw what we did? Yeah, and it was funny how he yelled.

[Ben Kissel]

It was funny.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And I adjust the memory of it. And then we did that skit where we reenacted the murder. That was fun. The writing was tense because of the rewrites you insisted on.

[Ben Kissel]

Well, I said when you called him an asshat, I didn't mean to make.

[Henry Zebrowski]

A hat out of his ass. Yeah, but this is what the audience wants. They want more creativity. They want us to dig deeper. But now, honestly, after the live show, I'm bored again.

[Marcus Parks]

What do you guys think about going back to the mouse trap game and actually playing the game? Don't just build up the trap and then set the trap. We play the game this time.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But then I just get lost in all the possibilities of all the traps.

[Ben Kissel]

I'm just gonna make dominoes out of these.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Roc, go get me my clove oil. I need to teach Domino some of that.

[Marcus Parks]

While some men spent their time catching fish and birds, others devoted their day to more death. They made homemade morning stars from clubs, strips of lead and long iron nails affixed to short lengths of rope. These guaranteed painful, drawn out deaths, which as I just said, were themselves a form of entertainment.

[Ben Kissel]

You know, fishing's a fine hobby. It's a very popular hobby. People do it. There's like television shows.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't like fishing. It's just sitting and waiting. I hate fishing. You know what I like? Pushing a woman down in the sand.

[Ben Kissel]

You could kill the fish if you want.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Nah, it's not the same. It doesn't make any noise.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, as far as what Euronymus did when he wasn't giving out oil. This answers your question. He invited his men into his tent to run their fingers through the treasures he'd managed to salvage from the Batavia's holes.

[Ed Larson]

I don't have any hair. I don't need it.

[Marcus Parks]

And this is all while he told them that these treasures were nothing compared to the riches they'd earned from their future careers in piracy. It was basically stories. Story time. And he's further manipulating these men. He's putting, he's driving the idea into their heads. Like if you keep acting like a monster and you keep doing what I say, this will be the rest of your life.

[Ed Larson]

These treasures nothing but gold pieces and gold and silver in our mouths and our hands. Look and see all the treasures that lie in life.

[Ben Kissel]

But the people who would you could give the treasure to for things are the people who are going to kill you once they found out what you did it. No, I, I'm telling you, I got.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think get the parts, get the.

[Ed Larson]

Axles, get some small knives.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, there were actually plenty of ports back in these days that were pirate cities basically where these people could go and trade for goods, you know, with their, you know, ill gotten gains.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Very similar to back in the day with when we cover Billy the Kid and like the, the, those places that you went to.

[Marcus Parks]

Blackbeard, you mean?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Marcus Parks]

Not Billy the Kid.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, but I mean in turn actually like Billy the Kid.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, the fences.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Go hang out at like specifically criminal only places.

[Marcus Parks]

Towns. Yeah. But fantasies would only hold the attentions of Euronymous and his gang for so long. So on July 15, Euronymous ordered the execution of everyone remaining on Seal's island except for the women. In my view, this was either to give his men an activity or to fulfill his ever growing lust for the fellow feeling he got when he ordered others to commit murder.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think it's that one.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. You think it's the second? I think it's both.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, I think it's for. If he wanted. Because I feel like if you wanted something to do, I think it'd be.

[Ed Larson]

A lot of like, okay, everybody, today we're doing yoga.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Like it's just like today.

[Ed Larson]

I actually think that we should all begin a story one sentence at a time and each one of us continues the story.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Like that's the thing giving somebody just something to do.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, but when the people that you're giving them that you need to get something to do. When they're a bunch of murderous, rapacious sailors and soldiers, they're not going to be really, like, down for, like, a fun word, like charades.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Hey, they've never tried.

[Ben Kissel]

You know, once you kill, like, 50 people, you pretty much have to kill.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Everyone else, too, basically. Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

You just have to start going down the list, going down the line. But no matter the motivation, what followed on Seals island is true savagery unleashed. An indiscriminate slaughter of the innocents committed by men who were proving that it's certain points in history, devils have walked this earth.

[Ed Larson]

I love the sky. Riding the spot. I love this story.

[Marcus Parks]

Thank you. Now, this butchery was committed by just seven men armed with swords, daggers, and, of course, their homemade morning stars. Leading them was former VOC assistant David Zavank, who never missed an opportunity to participate in a mass murder.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know what? He reminds me of a lot for some reason. You know the Elijah Wood character from Sin City? Yeah, like the thing where you could kind of just see his gl. Like, you could just see him wearing. Wearing glasses, but you can't see his eyes. Like, he just stands and just quietly murders people.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, he also yelled quite a bit. He gave a lot of orders. He. He was a very active man.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Hey, yeah. You know, again, don't want to be bored.

[Marcus Parks]

I mean, if you could compare him to anyone, I put him more as, like, say, a commandant in, like, an Eiden's Hot Groupen.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Cool.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Great.

[Marcus Parks]

And so, once the attackers disembarked from their boat to enact the massacre on Seals island, one of the mutineers, in a move that effectively announced that no one was safe from what was about to come, he stabbed a child in the chest as his first move. In quick order, the mutineers then cut down five cabin boys and three men with their swords, then split up to chase down the rest of the totally defenseless survivors who'd scattered across the small island, which was a space no bigger than a small city park. Now, 12 of the remaining cabin boys hid themselves in bushes in the middle. Middle of the island. But one cabin boy was grabbed by David Zavank, who told the boy that he must help lustily to kill, lest he be killed himself.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Can I say he's one of my. I know that this is maybe wrong to say yes, he's one of my favorite goons in this whole story is this boy. They had taken him from the cape. When they had stopped, he'd stopped. He was in. He had. He was like, from Sierra Madre. He was this kid that literally spoke no English. And he got across to him this. But there was something about this 15 year old boy where he was like, okay. And he was like. He wasn't angry about it and so he had to go kill the other boys. Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

He's like, I don't know. These. I'll kill them.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, yeah. Cool. Great.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Yeah. He was damn near a stowaway.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Well, the 15 year old cabin boy agreed to the terms. And after being handed a knife, he chased down one of the other boys before pinning him to the ground and stabbing him to death.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Boy, oh boy. I get to do this for fun.

[Ben Kissel]

Yay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Take you, mister.

[Marcus Parks]

But once the mutineers tired out, they dragged the wounded to the sea. Six people. And held their heads under the water until they drowned. Four pregnant women were found, but spared.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Aww.

[Marcus Parks]

And the mutineers returned to Batavia's graveyard with the newly murderous cabin boy recruit having killed 16 people.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, gee willikers, guys. This was the best afternoon I ever had. Thank you so much for having me. I hope I get to kill boys tomorrow.

[Ben Kissel]

Can I get some soup today? You are a cabin man.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yeah, that's what I like to hear, buddy. It's absolutely. See, we can go. Oh, what's that smell? Is that clove oil?

[Marcus Parks]

Now, from what it seems like Euronymous considered the massacre to be a bit of a half step. A few days later, he ordered his followers to sail back in the middle of the night to finish off the cabin boys who'd hid in the bushes. And once the group of 12 were found, most were bashed to death with morning stars and stabbed with daggers. Meanwhile, in another horrific loyalty test, the new cabin boy recruit they picked up last time they were on Seals island, they ordered him to murder the four pregnant women they'd spared. And the cabin boy did as he was told by slitting the throats of all four while they slept.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Sure thing, boss. It's like I'm killing for two. Yeah, and now I got eight, Right? That's me.

[Ben Kissel]

Child killer.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, you're fine. You're good. You're doing good. Yeah, yeah. You're doing real kill.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You shut the.

[Marcus Parks]

Up.

[Ben Kissel]

Get this.

[Marcus Parks]

Get away from me.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm ready to kill again.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Great, great, great, great.

[Henry Zebrowski]

What?

[Marcus Parks]

Hey, look, I bored.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I bor.

[Ed Larson]

I bor.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

All right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Kill this pricking.

[Marcus Parks]

I hate him. Well, three cabin boys survived the second massacre on Seals island, but were caught almost a week later when they emerged from hiding. Two of them were brought back to Batavia's graveyard and drowned while the Third begged for his life and ultimately joined the men who'd been trying to kill him for days on end. Now, by this point, Euronymous had ensured that almost every one of his followers had murdered someone. But he'd never actually killed anyone himself.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Whoa. He's like Ms. 13.

[Marcus Parks]

That all changed, however, when Euronymous decided to murder an infant, which is either the easiest or hardest murder, depending on your point of view.

[Ben Kissel]

Easiest.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's easiest, yeah. It's much easier than stabbing that man.

[Marcus Parks]

That's what I mean.

[Ben Kissel]

At this point, you see so much death.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

This is like, oh, it's like, finally I get an easy one.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. To be honestly, even emotionally, it's kind of easier in a way because, like, the thing about it is that you can just chuck it in the ocean.

[Ben Kissel]

You could just leave it outside.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It goes.

[Marcus Parks]

I could kill a man easier than I could kill a baby. But I could kill a baby easier than I could kill like 6 year old.

[Ben Kissel]

Now, I thought about it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, definitely a baby easier than a six year old.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But I think it'd be harder to.

[Ben Kissel]

Kill a 6 year old than a 13 year old.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Stronger.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, I'd kill a 13 year old on the drop of a hat.

[Marcus Parks]

Unfortunately, these are the thing. I didn't sleep well last night. So I had a lot of time, just like four hours, so I could roll. Rolling through things.

[Henry Zebrowski]

God.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, I didn't sleep well either. I almost killed a 17 year old last night. I'm talking about Tootsie.

[Henry Zebrowski]

She not stop barking.

[Marcus Parks]

See, Batavia's graveyard was home to quite a few mothers in the beginning. But there had been one infant who'd been crying every night and keeping people awake. Euronymous was particularly annoyed. So he opened his apothecary satchel salvaged from the Batavia and mixed a potion called mercurium sublimatum to kill. Kill the baby. But as I said on the first episode, Euronymous was a shitty apothecary. So while the poison did quiet the baby down somewhat, it didn't do its ultimate job. Instead, Euronymous just put the baby in a kind of half coma. But he, of course, didn't have the stones to finish the job himself. Well, instead, Euronymous forced Upper Merchant Pelsart's clerk to kill the baby.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, you do it partly as a.

[Marcus Parks]

Little you to Pelsart, and partly because Euronymous knew that the clerk was a coward who'd do anything Euonymus told him to do. Because I had A imagine, killing a baby might have been too much to ask for some of Euronimus's mutineers.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'll tell you, I don't have any problems with killing the baby, but can I it first? I don't need to be. I'm not trying to make. I'm not doing it if I gotta it after. Listen, I just am kinda. I am just curious and I just. Is this a safe space for me to ask these questions?

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, it is.

[Ben Kissel]

So he didn't kill the baby?

[Marcus Parks]

No, he didn't.

[Ben Kissel]

So he sucks.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Ben Kissel]

He can't even kill a baby.

[Marcus Parks]

No, in the end, he actually didn't kill anybody because it was the clerk who did it. Because after fetching the clerk, Euronymous and his followers went to the infant's tent and took it from its mother's arms. Euronymous then told the clerk, quote, here's.

[Ed Larson]

A half dead child. You're not a fighting man. Here's a little moose. Go over there and fit it so that we hear about on the island. Do not hear so much wailing.

[Marcus Parks]

Taking orders like the coward he was, the clerk carried the baby outside, took the little noose and strangled it to death. Making the infant, the 105th murder victim to fall prey to Euronymous will since the takeover.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And I know this is like not funny.

[Marcus Parks]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And this is not cute. I'm just saying. Marcus.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah, know. Just whatever you're going to say, say it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's just. Is that not the cutest way to kill a baby with a tiny. Yeah, like that is just the cutest sort of way to execute a baby.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah, I. You know what?

[Ben Kissel]

Granted, you know, and when you're on an island, like a desert island, like away from everyone in the world, there is little noose.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But really. But the key is that no noose, it's good news. You're right.

[Ben Kissel]

You're right.

[Marcus Parks]

No. Unfortunately for the rest of the survivors, 105 people murdered still didn't get the mutineers close to their goal of ultimately bringing down the population, down to 45 or less. So the massacres continued one after another. The next mass killing involved the family of the aforementioned minister, Gischbert Bastians. It's a hard name.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Gizz. Gisbert. Gisbert.

[Marcus Parks]

Gasp. But Gisbert had brought Jizbert.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We can just call him the American Jizbert.

[Marcus Parks]

Jizbert. Yeah. Jizbert had brought seven of his eight children on the Batavia to join him on Java, where he had planned to be a spiritual leader. To the Dutch settler.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This is my son, Jisbert Jr. This is Jismein. This is Jesuns.

[Ed Larson]

This is my daughter Jizz Izzian. This is my other son, Jisbert iii.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They're all named after of what made them big old pie se coming from my ball.

[Marcus Parks]

Don't forget my daughter Jisme.

[Henry Zebrowski]

She's Jisman because she's also mostly Jiz.

[Ben Kissel]

What do you think holds her together?

[Henry Zebrowski]

That is what holds a woman together.

[Marcus Parks]

Jizz J.

[Ben Kissel]

God, people are going to love that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They really are. They really are.

[Ben Kissel]

It's a womb shaped island.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, very much so. I know exactly what a looks like too, because I can measure it by the size of my fist.

[Marcus Parks]

Now, Minister Bastions believed at this point that his family was safe because his daughter had been courted by a mutineer who'd murdered half a dozen people already. And the Minister had encouraged this engagement in the hopes that it would keep his family alive. But the quota of 45 had to be met sans are tied. And Euronymous was playing a larger game besides. A few days after the massacre on Seals island wrapped up the minister and his daughter, the one engaged the mutineer, they were lured away from their family tent with the promise of a meal. Pretty much the same game that he played with Hans.

[Ed Larson]

Let me just ask you this. How does a hamburger sound?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Good.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

How much jizz is on this?

[Ed Larson]

As much jizz as you put on it, Jizmer. You know what I'm saying? 6:00 on the top. Dinner reservations. See you. My bed.

[Marcus Parks]

While they were gone, David Zavank and eight other mutineers dug a grave pit as deep as they could manage, then snuck over to the minister's tent armed with hatchets and daggers.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Excuse me, what is that pit for? Are you. Are you making a pool?

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I figure, you know, even though you're here on the ocean, sometimes have a pool because.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Honestly, because I hate the babes, but I love the pool.

[Marcus Parks]

Isn't that crazy?

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's like ironic, right, when I have to go to dinner with Euronimish.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, the first person killed at the minister family tent was the family servant called from the tent, then stabbed and left to die. With her out of the way, Zavank entered the tent with his men, grabbed their oil lamp and said, quote, here.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Has been reported hidden goods of the company that we will search for and we will get them.

[Marcus Parks]

With that, Zavok blew out the lamp and in the pitch black, murdered the minister's wife and children, aged 8 to 23 by caving in their skulls or beating them to death. Seven kids in all. The only one to almost escape was the youngest, as he was small enough to duck through the legs of his attacker. But Zavank was nearby, and without a thought, he brought his hatchet down hard on the eight year old and killed him. The last person alive was the mother, who by this point survived many stab wounds, bludgeons and gashes. So a mutineer finished her off by turning her skull into mush. And once everyone was dead, the corpses were dragged to the freshly dug grave pit and tossed inside.

[Ed Larson]

Now, this is a dish I like to call macaroni and cheese. But it's made, as you can see here, the. The cheese is bird shit, and the noodles, birds, intestines.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Ah.

[Ed Larson]

But if you can just close your eyes for a second, it's like you're eating Mac and cheese. Just the sound of it. The sound of it reminds me of Mac and cheese. Kind of reminds me of.

[Marcus Parks]

Is my family okay?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, I heard that they were checking out the pool.

[Ben Kissel]

It is a little easier to joke about the victims when it's 500 years ago.

[Marcus Parks]

Much easier. It's the oldest role of comedy. Tragedy plus time equals comedy. Yeah. Now, the Minister was quite understandably broken by the murder of his wife and children the day after the massacre. He was ordered to stop weeping and get back to work. And when the Minister did as he was told, Euronimus's ultimate plan concerning the murder of the Minister's family was complete. See, in addition to bringing the island's numbers down, Euronymous had ordered the murder of the Minister's family to maintain control over his gang. With the island's only man of God an empty husk, it was less likely for him to convince people that murder was wrong, or to even introduce the idea of guilt over everything they'd already done. That left the amoral Gnostic dogma preached by Euronymous himself as the only philosophical game in town. And Euronymous used his dogma to shield the mutineers from fear of criticism or divine retribution. As author Mike Dash put it, Euronymous had created a society where his followers owed loyalty to him and him alone, where they were bound together not only by their crimes, but also by their rejection of conventional authority. As such, Euronymous told his followers to reject the VOC rules that had previously stopped them from blaspheming and swearing. And to add insult to injury, he even encouraged them to openly ridicule the Minister in his grief, which Is you usually fun?

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's the thing.

[Marcus Parks]

It's usually really fun to make fun of a minister, a priest, any man of God open, you know, like, you can make fun of any of.

[Henry Zebrowski]

One of the funnest things to do is to break a priest's faith. I can't imagine how powerful and how awesome and how thickly I would use to do that. But it's just, it's.

[Marcus Parks]

You can't do it by killing his entire family, though.

[Ben Kissel]

No.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You want to do it. Truly the way to do it. Botting him into submission.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Without any clove oil.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Your goal is not him. He. You.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, you are power bottoming.

[Henry Zebrowski]

If you power bottom a priest enough. Yeah. It does kill God in his heart. And I think that's important for our gay men out there to get that going. And I think that. Euronymous, sadly, it's. You improved a point. He's like, what's God? God isn't saving you.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And I'm the only authority here that is making anything happen.

[Ben Kissel]

I can hate when people give agnostics a bad name.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's it. Well, these are.

[Marcus Parks]

Is Gnostic.

[Ben Kissel]

Gnostic.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Gnostic is all about God is a power. It's like it was a whole thing. It's in the Dead Sea Scrolls. They pulled it all out of the Bible. Gnosticism essentially believes that you don't need the church to gain the power of Christ. Like you can literally talk to God yourself. But.

[Marcus Parks]

But what you're. But what you're on us specifically took from it is that Gnostics also believe that God and the devil are on. Are of equal power. And then. So if God and the devil are of equal power, therefore there's no. Really no such thing as good or evil because and evil are equal. And they were. It can be pervert. Like it could be looked at in a bunch of different ways, but Euronimus specifically perverted that belief to say, like, well, if there's no good and evil, then that means no sin exists, which means that I can do anything I want without any sort. Like he still believed he could go to heaven. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes, very much so. And he also believed that. He also believed in the power of the Dutch contractual world, where one thing that we'll talk. One thing that they did here was that they took every single woman that was in the pile here and they cite them up for quote unquote, public service, which was, I guess at a time they would do on boats. Common, common service. Right. Where they would do a thing where they would have A system of sex workers that would work within either whatever community. And they would have a. A. It would be legal, right? It would be kind of budgeted.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes, but these women were paying passengers.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, no. Yeah, these women are fucked. Right? These were. Women were not. This was not good for them. But they signed. A lot of the women had to sign these, like, sort of fake contracts agreeing to be in this common service, whatever the. And then they basically turned it into a giant, horrible sex dungeon.

[Ben Kissel]

It is crazy that throughout all of this they're on this island, everything's devolved into chaos. Like, a hundred people are killed by this point. They still are, like, signing, dude.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's how they. That's what they believe society was built on.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. That's how they. That's how the whole thing works. In fact, that's absolutely what I'm about to talk about right now.

[Ben Kissel]

All right, great.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. And by the way, as at this point, only seven women are left alive, most of them have been killed at this point either for being. They said, either for being too old or for being pregnant. But, yeah, only seven women are still alive out of the 22 that started off on the journey.

[Ben Kissel]

Shitty party.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Now holding together this new nightmare society were the oaths of trust Euronymous forced his men to sign. These were contracts which swore loyalty to each other and to Euronymous, making them obedient to him in every way in whatever he should order them to do. These oaths, signed by 36 men by the end of it, also enforced a strict hierarchy. All who signed renounced anything that may have come before the islands, and they therefore took new ranks. Euronymous, for example, the former lowly under merchant was now known as the Captain General. Two things, Captain and General.

[Ed Larson]

I'm captain and I'm a general. I wanted to be an admiral, too, but they said that was too much because they said it was too long of a name. The General.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Admiral.

[Ben Kissel]

Don't wear boat.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, see, we're just in the water.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Captain General's fine.

[Ed Larson]

I wanted to actually be super wizard, but then everyone just said, what's a wizard? And I just like, it's a guy that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Whatever. Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, the match's impressive title. Euronymous continually modified the uniform he'd stolen from Upper Merchant Pelsart, gussying up his look by adding ornamental trimming, gold lace, ribbons, and medals he made himself.

[Ed Larson]

You see this one? This is for Best Leader. And this one, Nicest Kisser. And this one, Funniest man.

[Ben Kissel]

This was for Dirtiest Kisser.

[Ed Larson]

Got kissed inside of your mouth.

[Marcus Parks]

Euronymous, however, wasn't the only one to get perks. The mutineers, who'd proved to be more violent and murderous than all the others, were given two rows of ornamental trimming to add to their outfits. And the men who held the highest status in the gang were the ones who'd recently killed the most people. So you had to keep killing in order to stay up top. It was like a leaderboard.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Or like a. Like a scout badge.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Hey, man. Beds of a closers.

[Marcus Parks]

Now, when it came to new recruits who really took to the murder aspect of being in Euronymous's gang, there were none who went through a more drastic change than cabin boy Jan P. Who became such a. Such a terror that he was mentioned in several journals. Once Pilgrim joined the gang, he became the typical overzealous convert, swearing far more than was necessary and mocking God with the energy that only a teenager can muster. From accounts, Pilgrim would run around the island yelling things like, quote, come now.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Devils with all the sacraments, where are ya? I wish that I now saw devil. And who wants to be stabbed to death? I can do that very beautifully.

[Marcus Parks]

His fucking voice is like a goddamn dagger.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'll kill you again and again.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, I know you will. I know. Yan. Yay. I know. Yawn.

[Ben Kissel]

Yawn.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I know. I know.

[Marcus Parks]

Jan. Jan. Time to calm down. Time.

[Ben Kissel]

I'm bored.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I wanna kill. I wanna kill a pregnant woman. I wanna make a woman pregnant.

[Ben Kissel]

I wanna kill a pregnant woman.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That takes time, but kids have no patience.

[Marcus Parks]

But Pilgrim's claim that he could stab someone to death very beautifully was all talk, but not because he lacked the will. Since Pilgrim was very small and weak for his age, he was. He was, ironically, the only person on Batavia who didn't have the strength to murder anyone.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Come here, damn it. Shut up.

[Marcus Parks]

Get the off of me.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You see him fighting with a bird? I'll get you back.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. The baby was already dead by the time Pilgrim got on board, so that the easiest death was already taken.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I just wish there was one more baby.

[Ben Kissel]

But didn't he kill another boy?

[Marcus Parks]

No, this is a different boy. Henry used the same voice for two different boys.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's my boy. It's my anonymous boy, cabin boy voice. And my anonymous sailor voice.

[Marcus Parks]

Same across the board. Well, one particularly pathetic display, Euronymous, after being pestered by Pilgrim for weeks, finally gave his overzealous convert permission to kill the cabin boy who mended the fishing net.

[Ben Kissel]

Thank you.

[Marcus Parks]

This, however, was actually Pilgrim's second Attempt at murder, as sometime earlier, he'd failed to strangle one of the women due to his puny frame. And one of the mutineers had been forced to finish the job for him.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Is this Hezbollah? That's what this feels like. It feels like it's Hezbollah.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Like a little two, mma.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

And so, in a scene reminiscent of a murderous game of T ball, the mutineers tied up the cabin boy who mended the fishing nets so Pilgrim could chop off his head. But once again, Pilgrim was foiled by his own frailty. Pilgrim attempted to swing the sword he was given again and again, but he was so weak that the blows didn't even break the skin on his victim's neck.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's a. God damn it, Pilgrim. Stop this shit. Stan me with a point.

[Ben Kissel]

There's also rocks everywhere. Someone needs to sharpen a knife.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

I am sick of this.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's hard. They have no standards.

[Marcus Parks]

Finally, though, a mutineer stepped in. And it wasn't that the knife wasn't sharp enough. It was that Pilgrim seriously could barely swing a sword. He was so fucking weak, a mutineer stepped in and took the cabin boy's head off with one fucking single swing.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, come on.

[Ben Kissel]

Come on, this man.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It do all day.

[Marcus Parks]

Pilgrim was, of course, infuriated by his own failure.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Ah, you bastard. You fucking piece of shit.

[Marcus Parks]

And continued to beg for another chance, saying he would rather kill than eat or drink.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Let me just cut a woman's parts off or something fun.

[Marcus Parks]

You can't cut Pilgrim. You can't cut anything off.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I just.

[Marcus Parks]

You can't cut anything off. I. We tried again and again. We tried to give you the fucking hair tie.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Let me have a musket. All right.

[Marcus Parks]

But as far as I know, Pilgrim never got his wish.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, I think he did. Yeah. I think that in the end, they just loved. He was like the Dalmatian. Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. He was definitely the math. No one wants to kill more than.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Him, and he can't. You know?

[Ben Kissel]

How sad is that?

[Henry Zebrowski]

The other sailors being like, can you imagine not being able to kill? That's gotta be the saddest thing ever.

[Ben Kissel]

Ironically, the only thing that kept him alive.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yep.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. And the other sailors or the mutant, like, they kind of thought he was funny, of course. Like, they. They encouraged him. They told him, like, yeah, yeah, say more like, hey, Pilgrim, say. Say fuck head. Fuck head.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's great.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, Right?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I want to kill.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Now, obviously, the murders have been coming fast and loose for some time, but they only got worse when Euronymous got paranoid and began ordering the deaths of anyone who might pose a challenge to his rule. And this. Which happens in dictatorships all the time. Yes, and the murders as a result, were getting more gruesome. The ship surgeon, for example, still well liked by everyone on the island, despite everything, and still extremely important to their survival. His death was ordered by Euonymus. Because your Honus is worried. I think the surgeon's starting to take. He. I think surgeon think he's thinking about taking over. The surgeon was stabbed repeatedly by a pike before his head was smashed in with the Morning Star and it was cut away from his body. But there had been one murder that hadn't worked out as planned. And that failure would threaten the twisted world Euronymous had built. See, soon after the minister massacre, David Zavonk ordered a new recruit to break his murder cherry by killing the Batavia's underbarber. So the recruit lured the underbarber out of his tent with a story about catching birds. But when another mutineer jumped out and the two men tried ambushing, pushing their victim. You're gonna. You're gonna hate this ad.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Their swords were so blunt that the under barber was barely wounded.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Barely a scar, barely a touch on me. Yo. None of you will ever get as sharp as my razor. When I'm cutting in a flat top to a little boy, you'll never get me.

[Marcus Parks]

I'm the underbound under barber. Yeah, well, the under barber ran away and hid. But luckily, the new recruit wasn't all that jazzed about killing in the first place, and his accomplice was just lazy. So they had a little conversation and convinced themselves that they had mortally wounded their target.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, he's got to be f. He's basically dead.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Yeah. It's like. And how many places is he going to hide?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't know.

[Marcus Parks]

How long do you have to look? It's the size of a football field for sake.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They've just killed so many people that they just are over it. They're just like, yeah, we'll get them even.

[Ben Kissel]

That's boring.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, well, I'm bored of even chasing, man.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Once the mutineers were gone, the underbarber snuck over to one of the poorly guarded boats and sailed for the highlands, where Viva Hayes and the other VOC Loyalist soldiers had been thriving for weeks.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, dude, that's the thing. On the other island, they're doing. They're having a great time.

[Marcus Parks]

They're having the best vacation of their life.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes, they are eating. They were stock full it's like all these seals.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, listen to this. I mean, Viva's men had discovered after properly exploring the two islands, that every single person who had survived the shipwreck, all 270 people, could have lived on the highlands indefinitely without ever running out of food or water.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Marcus Parks]

Viva's men found sources of water so rich they didn't need to ration at all. And each man had his fill of fish and birds and eggs. They said that like all the birds, like laid eggs as large as a hen's egg.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You wouldn't even believe. And it's just am. God, I just. We were like, I like mine poached. Yeah, that's what we were doing.

[Marcus Parks]

They even discovered a mammal to eat. There was a type of wallaby called a tamar. Viva's men called them cats. And they were just like everything else on the highlands, easily caught and delicious.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Love these guys. Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

But that's all to say that while the survivors under Euonymus's rule were living a never ending nightmare, teetering on the edge of starvation, Viva's men had found a relative paradise where everyone was chill and the guy in charge was an actual good person.

[Ben Kissel]

So if they would have just tried once, if they check in on them, yeah, everything would have been fine.

[Marcus Parks]

Everything. Well, I mean, everything would have been fine for the survivors. Yeah, everything would not have been fine for Euronymous, but.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Or them. Because it really comes down to who wins this fight. If they don't know that there's a fight happening right now. Euronymous has the upper hand people, because he has all this going on and they don't know that it's happening yet until this moment.

[Marcus Parks]

Yep. The tranquility of the highlands was shattered when survivors began showing up from Batavia's graveyard in small groups because Euronymous had not been able to maintain a tight seal over the three islands under his control.

[Ben Kissel]

They killed them all.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes. Yes. I was wondering what you were going to do with that. Eight survivors had managed to escape the initial massacre on Seals island by raft. And a further 20 washed up in groups of four or five from Batavia's graveyard itself, including the under barber. That meant that people have been showing up on Viva's island since like mid July. You know, they'd been coming in steadily, so he.

[Ben Kissel]

So they, they had an idea.

[Marcus Parks]

They knew exactly what was going on. Every single one of them came on shores like they're killing people over there, man.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We're crazy. Well, because also the big thing was that they lit the fires and Euronimous and crew was supposed to come immediately when they lit those fires. They were all supposed to come and hang. That was the idea of come get them, bring them back. We're going to ferry this back and forth. And as soon as they lit the fires, it was like a day passed, another day passed. And they're like, oh, shit's actually very real on that island over there.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes. Something bad's going down. And remember, they don't have any rafts. They're way. They're stuck there waiting, waiting for the someone to come get them.

[Ben Kissel]

And there's 70 of them.

[Marcus Parks]

They're at this point over on the other island, on High Island. On High island at this point there's 50.

[Ben Kissel]

Okay.

[Marcus Parks]

But when you include all the people that have come over, like all the refugees from Batavia's. From Batavia's graveyard, there's 50 people there. And it soon became clear to Viva Hayes that eventually Euronymous and his gang would definitely mount an attack to keep their piracy dreams alive. But while Hias found himself in command of 50 people that outnumbered Euronymous crew by almost 15 men. The problem was that they had no weapons because remember, Euronymous had confiscated everything. He had the swords, he had the muskets. So Viva and his men fashioned pikes affixed to 16 inch iron nails using wood that washed up on shore. And they also made their own homemade morning stars. They gathered lumps of coral to throw and fashioned catapults made from rope and tree branches to hurl rocks. Eventually, Viva's group took to calling themselves the Defenders. And it's with the inevitable, inevitable war between the two camps. War.

[Henry Zebrowski]

War.

[Marcus Parks]

And the return of upper merchant Pelsar that will finish our series on the Batavia next week. Yes.

[Ben Kissel]

And these guys are all soldiers.

[Marcus Parks]

These guys are also. These guys, they're trained. And these are the best soldiers too.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Next week we will get into some of the strategies. But it. I am not kidding when I say the ending of this story devolves into one of the long. It's like an action sequence out of any movie.

[Marcus Parks]

It's crazy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Out of any big massive. Because this is going to go down to the very last minute.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. And the epilogue is also insane.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Ben Kissel]

Also I. I want to say I got you both a present to help us not get into this situation ever.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Are you ready for this?

[Marcus Parks]

I got it with me. You have a gun?

[Ben Kissel]

No, it's not bag.

[Marcus Parks]

It's a lifetime supply.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, wow.

[Marcus Parks]

Thanks.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, wow.

[Marcus Parks]

And it's. And it's super warm from being in your pocket.

[Ben Kissel]

You took it to the bathroom with me when I.

[Marcus Parks]

Great, great, great.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know, it's also perfect because I found out that you can get high from nutmeg, but the high is so horrifying that it actually can shatter your brain.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, that's the reason why nutmeg is still sold in stores. If the high was good, it would be illegal.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, well, we got a long weekend.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, let's try it. Because you know what's the perfect day to get high on Nutmeg? President's Day coming this Monday. Go and enjoy it. Go to patreon.com podcast enough to watch us do this show again and again and again for the rest of your precious little lives. And go on all of the socials at LP on the left. Tik Tok Instagram. That's where we do our social promotions.

[Marcus Parks]

And don't forget to go what? And don't forget I mentioned the stream earlier on the episode. You can watch our stream live. Last stream on the left. We've been been doing it for years. You can watch it live on our Patreon or you can see it after the fact on our last podcast on the left YouTube page. On that same page you can also find all of the other LPN streams. And if you want to watch those live, you can go to Twitch tv, lpntv.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Go do it. And just know we will see you next Tuesday.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, yes. Yeah. And also when you're doing the Patreon, make sure you watch this show with. You can see our faces. You can see Henry bouncing around as a cat and boy the whole time. It's a lot of fun. Also, we're hitting the road. We're coming for you.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We're hitting this to high seas.

[Ben Kissel]

That's right. This is very appropriate. It is.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It really is.

[Ben Kissel]

As of today, you can officially join Henry and I via ticket you as of today, you can officially buy tickets.

[Henry Zebrowski]

To [e-mail] left buy tickets. You can come and see us like we are going to. And again, when we talk about inside stories, the what this is going to be is going to be so stupid and ridiculous. I have no idea if it's ever going to happen again. You do need to come and join Eddie and I. Please save us.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes, we will be there. We're going to go to the Bahamas and then we're going to do with a belly flop contest.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We're locked in with you. If you come on this cruise, we're.

[Ben Kissel]

Locked in with you cannot escape. So please check that out and Also, we're going to be in Dallas in a couple weeks on February, February 22nd. And then after that, Nashville. And we're doing Detroit.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Toronto. And more dates to come.

[Marcus Parks]

Actually, more dates to come. Very soon.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Very soon. All right, you. That's on LastPodcastLeff.com and you guys could go yourselves.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, I mean, come on. No, no.

[Ben Kissel]

Each other to completion.

[Henry Zebrowski]

If you.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Kill Satan.

[Ben Kissel]

All these people suck. You know what? We heard the word Morningstar a lot today. Hail Travis Morningstar.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And I hope his body's not used to decapitated child. Finding the music you love shouldn't be hard. That's why Pandora makes it easy to.

[Marcus Parks]

Explore all your favorites and discover new artists and genres you'll love.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Enjoy a personalized listening experience simply by selecting any song or album, and we'll make a station crafted just for you. Best of all, you can listen for free. Download Pandora on the Apple App Store or Google Play and start hearing the.

[Marcus Parks]

Soundtrack to your life.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Where'd you get those shoes? DSW has all the shoes you need for whatever you're into. You know, like running shoes that give new meaning to personal best or everyday sneakers that make coffee runs look cool. Basically, DSW has all the best styles from the brands that always get it right, like Nike, Brooks, Timberland, and more. Oh, yeah, did we mention they also happen to be the perfect price. Find a shoe for every you at your DSW store and dsw.com.