Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance

Summary

Last Podcast on the Left – Episode 613: Creepypasta XXI - The Severance (Released March 28, 2025)

Overview

In Episode 613 of Last Podcast on the Left, titled "Creepypasta XXI - The Severance," The Last Podcast Network delves into the eerie and unsettling world of Creepypasta, specifically focusing on a chilling narrative known as "The Severance." Hosted by Marcus Parks, Henry Zabrowski, and Ed "Eddie" Larson, the episode interweaves storytelling with the hosts' characteristic humor and insightful commentary, creating a captivating experience for both dedicated fans and newcomers alike.

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1. Introduction to Creepypasta XXI

The episode kicks off with Marcus Parks introducing the theme of Creepypasta XXI, setting the stage for an exploration of modern urban legends and horror stories shaped by internet folklore. The hosts express their enthusiasm for dissecting tales that blend the supernatural with psychological horror, promising listeners a deep dive into the unsettling narrative of "The Severance."

Notable Quote:

• Marcus Parks [05:01]: "Welcome to Creepypasta 21. Jesus Christ. We are old enough to drink which means we're old enough to die internationally."

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2. Storytelling: "The Severance"

"The Severance" is a listener-submitted Creepypasta that narrates the harrowing experiences of a man dealing with paranormal occurrences tied to a haunted house. The story unfolds with eerie details about abandoned properties, gruesome deaths, and inexplicable supernatural phenomena.

Key Elements of the Story:

• Haunted House Backstory: The narrative begins with the protagonist visiting a house with a tragic past, where previous occupants met untimely deaths under mysterious circumstances.
• Paranormal Encounters: The protagonist experiences disturbing visions and sounds, such as ghostly whispers, apparitions, and recurring nightmares that blur the line between reality and hallucination.
• Psychological Horror: The story delves into the protagonist's deteriorating mental state as he grapples with fear, isolation, and the haunting memories of the deceased.

Notable Quote:

• Marcus Parks [24:41]: "There was a set of stairs that ran down into a dark basement where my grandfather's workshop was. This descended about 12 stairs down and sat between the kitchen and the garage."

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3. Hosts' Commentary and Analysis

As the story progresses, the hosts provide their interpretations and analyses, dissecting the horror elements that make "The Severance" particularly effective. They discuss themes such as isolation, the impact of traumatic pasts on present experiences, and the pervasive nature of fear.

Key Discussion Points:

• Symbolism of the Basement: Ed Larson highlights the basement as a symbol of the subconscious mind, representing hidden fears and repressed memories.

  Notable Quote:

  • Ed Larson [24:16]: "That's just my first set of stairs."

• Psychological vs. Supernatural Horror: Henry Zabrowski explores how the story balances psychological terror with supernatural elements, creating a multifaceted horror experience.

  Notable Quote:

  • Henry Zabrowski [17:06]: "They have soiled the stream from our first bubbling breath, choking it with our soiled selves."

• Effectiveness of Setting: Marcus Parks emphasizes how the setting—the haunted house—plays a crucial role in building suspense and amplifying the horror elements.

  Notable Quote:

  • Marcus Parks [42:40]: "You know what it feels like? Like the Merle Haggard thing. You're playing to the audience that shows up."

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4. Listener Engagement and Interactive Elements

The episode encourages listener participation by featuring stories submitted by the audience. In addition to "The Severance," the hosts share and discuss other Creepypasta entries, enhancing the interactive nature of the podcast.

Features:

• Listener Submissions: The hosts read and react to multiple stories sent in by listeners, providing feedback and additional horror narratives.
• Audience Interaction: Throughout the episode, the hosts reference listener comments and questions, fostering a sense of community and engagement.

Notable Quote:

• Marcus Parks [20:28]: "So let's go and look at this is a story from one of our listeners."

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5. Thematic Exploration: Death and Severance

A central theme of "The Severance" is the concept of death and the separation it causes. The story delves into how death creates a psychological severance between the living and the dead, highlighting the protagonist's struggle to reconcile his reality with the supernatural occurrences he faces.

Key Insights:

• Emotional Impact of Death: The narrative showcases the deep emotional scars left by death, both in the protagonist and the environment of the haunted house.
• Boundary Between Life and Afterlife: The story blurs the lines between the living and the dead, creating a haunting atmosphere where the afterlife intrudes upon the present.

Notable Quote:

• Marcus Parks [14:33]: "It must shake foundations, ruin delusions. It must remind that life cannot be extended, that no favors are owed to grieving lovers, that bloodlines face extinction."

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6. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, the hosts reflect on the effectiveness of "The Severance" as a Creepypasta story. They commend the narrative for its ability to evoke fear through psychological depth and supernatural elements, reinforcing why such stories continue to captivate audiences.

Final Reflections:

• Impact of Storytelling: The hosts discuss the power of storytelling in horror, emphasizing how well-crafted narratives like "The Severance" can leave a lasting impression on listeners.
• Future Episodes: They hint at upcoming Creepypasta explorations, promising more spine-chilling tales and in-depth analyses.

Notable Quote:

• Marcus Parks [63:05]: "People love it. They love the discussion."

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Key Takeaways

• "The Severance" serves as a compelling example of contemporary Creepypasta, blending psychological horror with supernatural themes to create a narrative that is both unsettling and thought-provoking.
• The hosts' commentary provides valuable insights into the mechanics of effective horror storytelling, highlighting the importance of setting, symbolism, and emotional depth.
• Listener engagement remains a cornerstone of the episode, fostering a community-driven exploration of horror stories that resonate with a wide audience.

Final Quote:

• Ed Larson [66:05]: "Whole thing is that there's a dead dog in the freezer and she still thinks it's a man ghost."

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For More Episodes and Content

Listeners interested in more episodes of Last Podcast on the Left can subscribe through platforms like SiriusXM Podcasts+, Apple Podcasts, or visit siriusxm.com/podcastsplus for ad-free listening and early access to new episodes. Additionally, support the podcast and access exclusive content by visiting patreon.com/lastpodcast.

Transcript

[Marcus Parks]

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[Henry Zabrowski]

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[Ed Larson]

There'S.

[Marcus Parks]

No place to escape to.

[Unknown]

This is the last on the left.

[Marcus Parks]

That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? Don't be shy. You know you're fine to try. You want to kiss the man. Is it so much worse?

[Unknown]

Slow down a little bit. What? What?

[Marcus Parks]

I don't know why, but you're dying to try. You want to kiss the man? Yeah. I feel like it's a good way to kind of flip this whole thing.

[Unknown]

What whole thing?

[Marcus Parks]

Like, everybody, like, being kind of upset with the. That song.

[Unknown]

What song?

[Marcus Parks]

Well, could say I have no clue. What you're Little Mermaid.

[Unknown]

Little Mermaid.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, yeah. For some reason, the idea of like, it's a bunch of fish begging you to kiss that weird, older silent man.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

And I think that that's very refreshing.

[Unknown]

Yeah. That the fish are encouraging that sort of thing.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, it's not a silent woman. And I think that kiss the girl is so much worse because you're, you know, it's all these people, like, kiss that little girl. Kiss that little girl.

[Unknown]

Kiss the mute.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, but there's something about, like, people being like, kiss that weird man. Kiss the man.

[Ed Larson]

Kiss the man. That's also bad.

[Marcus Parks]

Why?

[Ed Larson]

I don't know. It seems awful. You're making people kiss each other.

[Marcus Parks]

Maybe it's because I was desperate to find some Jean Hackman erotic fanfiction. And it is sorely lacking.

[Unknown]

Welcome to the last podcast on the left, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Marcus Parks. I'm here with the Searcher, the man on the eternal mission for Gene Hackman. Erotic fiction. Henry Zabrowski.

[Marcus Parks]

You can't handle my balls. That's Jack Nicholson, unfortunately, from A Few Good Men. That's kind of like. But it's the same genre. I'm trying to Figure out what the Crimson Tie. Not Crimson Tide. Right. Is it Crimson Tide?

[Ed Larson]

Crimson Tide.

[Marcus Parks]

Because Hunt from Red October was Sean Connery. That's. He says it's okay to schlop a woman.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

And what was.

[Ed Larson]

And then you. Five, seven. One is Harrison Ford board.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. The bad one.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

Yes.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Unknown]

And of course, we have the eternal movie critic, Ed Larson.

[Marcus Parks]

Hello.

[Ed Larson]

Two thumbs down, you idiots.

[Marcus Parks]

Eddie right now is doing his first ever remote recording.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

As a member of last podcast on the left. Tell me, Eddie, how's that Ramada treating you?

[Ed Larson]

I mean, I. It's going so well that I'm using the hotspot on my phone.

[Unknown]

Yeah. You're coming in nicely, though.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

It's nice, though, with the bedbugs, you know, sleeping alone tonight, so. It's good.

[Marcus Parks]

There's actually a couple of. I did read a couple of rewrites of the scene between Gene Hackman and Morgan Freeman and Unforgiven, where he really gets pretty involved, but it's so hard to do the. It's. It's hard to do both because Gene Hackman's such a good actor. And I think that's the problem is it's hard to kind of capture his gravitas in a lemon slash fix. Like, it's hard to get that in, like, hearing him sucking Morgan free. Like sucking his dick dry.

[Unknown]

Or like the delivery with Gene Hack.

[Marcus Parks]

Hackman. Yeah, I. I can't do it. I can't imagine him being like, morgan, open up. That's as far as, like, that's Gene Hackman foreplay.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Morgan, open up. Flip over.

[Ed Larson]

Do you think that he could yell while sucking dick? Because he's one of the great yellers of all time.

[Unknown]

Come on, man.

[Marcus Parks]

Can show some spine, man.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, my God. Oh, man. He really did end his life like Old Yeller, except, you know, the bullet was shot by his pacemaker. Come on.

[Marcus Parks]

Jesus Christ.

[Unknown]

He's on the road, ladies and gentlemen. He's on the invasive species story. He's doing stand up at night, and he's full of beans.

[Marcus Parks]

He needs to get it out.

[Ed Larson]

Marcus, I got you your jumbo shrimp shirt.

[Marcus Parks]

Hey.

[Unknown]

2, 3, 4. We are the jumbo shrimp, here to play a game.

[Marcus Parks]

Very good. Still remembered after all these years. Yeah, well, it's not hard.

[Ed Larson]

It's not a complimental song.

[Unknown]

Yeah, it was written by an idiot.

[Marcus Parks]

I'll always remember that big old idiot who's now a father somehow is upstairs and we continue to pay him. I want to say welcome to creepy pasta number 21. Jesus Christ. We are old enough to drink.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Which means we're old enough to die internationally. And I hope that that's what this is really what it's about, because Creepypasta 21 is all about, you're gonna get drafted. It doesn't matter what age you are. That's creepy just thinking about it. Right. You know, I mean, because the 40 year olds are going to come for us. They're going to put us in the metal mucil brigade. I think partly what we're going to be doing is delivering adult diapers to people all through Eastern Europe, what used to be the Ukraine. And now I think that it's important that we party while we can.

[Ed Larson]

Sure.

[Marcus Parks]

Okay. Because that's what's hard, is that. And creepypasta is all about getting spooky and feeling ooky with it. So I think the. The main thing is, is that obviously, if you're in your office right now, the scariest thing you can do is work. So I would say is to just quit that. First of all, quit that.

[Ed Larson]

Quit your job, man.

[Marcus Parks]

Your job. Fuck your boss. This. Close the laptop. They have. They're watching you do your keyboard. How creepy is that? Your boss is watching your keyboard from his cubicle and he's jerking off. Thinking productivity levels.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, man. All bosses are pieces of that suck and shouldn't exist. Yeah, your boss.

[Unknown]

All right, well, no, let's. Let's not say all bosses.

[Marcus Parks]

Let's not say all bosses.

[Unknown]

We're pieces of necessarily.

[Marcus Parks]

You come for me. You best. I miss.

[Unknown]

Some bosses worry, Ed. Some bosses worry constantly.

[Marcus Parks]

Like rfk. He just worries. He's like, ah, what about. What about the utters? Utters are getting trampled now. He's concerned about the utters, not about us. But guys, I think now you want to go to your weed. Your. You've quit your job, you're on your way home, your wife or husband's like, what are you doing here? I'm here with our four kids, and you go, shut the living up and let me do what I need to do today. You're gonna go into your office, you're gonna pack a bowl or you're gonna pack that bong, and you're gonna be. And you don't care what everybody says. Everyone's crying. Oh, you're just trying to detach from all your responsibilities. But guess what, man? As soon as you put that rim to your hole, it doesn't matter anymore because you have just become irresponsible. Right. They can't hold you to Forbes. Be nothing. It's just ink. What's ink? It's from squids. What's that? Does he matter? Dog. That's how we shut them down. All right. Oh, auto sign doesn't count. No, we now know auto sign doesn't count. All right. So you just team that it honestly switched the indica in the afternoons for yourself. So you get yourself good and high. You're without a job, you're without a future. But you're ready to get really spooky for episode.

[Unknown]

That's right. Creepypasta 21. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome. Officially, I'm gonna start off today's episode. I was gonna start off with a poem just because I love the title so much. Where trod the black camel.

[Marcus Parks]

That's like one of those, like, libertarian.

[Unknown]

It does sound like something you'd buy like a rifle show in like 1994. Yeah, yeah. But the poem was terrible. So I'm not going to subject everyone to where trod the black camel. But I will begin with a story. A man goes into the desert. There's a gin, of course. Riding a black camel, I believe. And the black camel is trotting upon the desert and steals the man's soul. I think at the end of it. Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

So it's like that America song.

[Unknown]

Yeah, it's a. Yeah. Horse with no name. Yeah, but it's a black camel.

[Marcus Parks]

I'm just saying. Yeah, similar. It seems similar theme also.

[Ed Larson]

You're just. You're not doing anything. Name the horse, you know? Like what? You're just trotting through the desert. You got. You got nothing to do.

[Marcus Parks]

You have to fill an hour. You have to fill an hour tonight. You need to save this stuff.

[Ed Larson]

You're right. I'll go back to sleep.

[Marcus Parks]

You know this song? You ever heard this song?

[Unknown]

Horse with no Name.

[Marcus Parks]

You ever heard this song? You spent it all this time out the desert. Oh, we're not coming up with a name here.

[Unknown]

Steve. Hey. Did it.

[Ed Larson]

Steve. Nay.

[Marcus Parks]

Eddie. Write it down, Eddie. You got to flesh out the hour.

[Unknown]

Instead, I'm going to start with a story submitted by a man named Daniel Hale to the creepypasta site Bog Leech. Still a wonderful site. This is called the Splatter Punk Gospel.

[Marcus Parks]

Do you think he's related to Nathaniel Hale? The American spy?

[Unknown]

The American spy, yeah. Yes, I do.

[Marcus Parks]

Thank you. I'll respect it.

[Ed Larson]

Now, spies should not have names. It's bad. It's bad for them.

[Marcus Parks]

But they start with names.

[Unknown]

Yeah, you gotta have a name. You gotta be called something.

[Ed Larson]

And then erase them.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, because they're still a W2,007.

[Ed Larson]

The English do it right.

[Unknown]

I can come with a good. My spy name. You gotta have a boring spy name. You have a great alias.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, I have my alias. I can't release it.

[Unknown]

No, of course you don't. But I just say it's. It's wonderful. Yes. Yeah, mine's too. Mine's too fancy. Wynton Arthur Danforth iii.

[Marcus Parks]

They're looking for.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, mine's Sebastian Maniscalco.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes. Would you even believe. I went to get the coffee. Everything's got whipped cream on it. So that's why you smash a Metisco.

[Unknown]

This is an excerpt from the clotted.

Book being the scriptures and commandments for the Church of Letting Blood Cool. The vein is the beginning, the vein is the end. Okay? The vein is all. This is our world. This is our world of impure blood, scabbed over from centuries. Flowing filth and disease creating the prison. Systolic, diastolic, making Anatomy of sin. But there is only the vein. Both ends joined in incestuous ouroboros. The vein suckles itself. Mindless machinery, oblivious to its gullet, reared children.

[Marcus Parks]

Was this written by a disgruntled nurse like this person who handles My father's IVs?

[Unknown]

Make no mistake that we are filth born. We have poisoned the stream from our first bubbling breath, choking it with our soiled selves. Would that we were fewer, that we had known what damage we were doing from the star. That we had known that this sickened meat creature was getting sicker still as our numbers grew. Would that we knew. Would that we cared. And beyond oblivion or redemption, absence or occupation, which truly would be better. What is the threat of hell without a heaven?

[Marcus Parks]

Better that there be after at all.

[Unknown]

Even if it is torment, it implies respite, however it may come.

[Marcus Parks]

But none for us. But is this about blood?

[Unknown]

The vein has soiled us. It has raised us from the odorous chime and will return us there. For none remember the path. None remember death. We practice death. Or believe we practice it. Our vessels shudder and disgorge their contents. Our ventricles spasm and tangle the works. We think we would be lucky to die in sleep, without pain. Our loved ones pray for this because it would be most convenient. They hold their vigil by our bedside, clutch our shaking hands, then, when the moment is gone, reassure themselves of the better place that they were so kind to lead us to. As in the casket or the flame, the dirt or the ash. Thus dying quietly we are complicit in the deception. Death must come obscene and uncaring. It must shake foundations, ruin delusions. It must remind that life cannot be extended, that no favors are owed to grieving lovers, that bloodlines face extinction. Death will be dealt, and it must, must be dealt harshly first. In so dealing, the vein is dealt a slice in its cancerous carapace. Septic blood is spilled into the unknown void, hastily disgorging the infidel. The blasphemous soul who wore his wounds with pride, shook his exposed crimson bones and torn scraps of sinews for the outraged carrion flock. Then serum speckled in silence. They cannot deny there is meaningful death. Then they will know that the severance is at work beyond these cloying walls. Its nephilims speak volumes in the quiet behind their masks, they were totems of our degradation.

Not to mock us for our fantasy.

But to defy the patronage of our heaping host. They claim nothing, not the favor of a higher power, nor the unlike of heretics. The processes of anatomy are awake in the world, even when the body is greatly reduced. The severance is inevitable.

[Marcus Parks]

And I do not care if you trod upon my dead body to do so. But I shall keep Brie Larson from entering the Marvel Cinematic Universe, no matter what you try to do. Casting devils. Our work is letting blood.

[Unknown]

We serve the silver knives and the black galants, the blades and claws and eyes of the severers, the unbelievers. Follow the flow of their filth. And thus we must dam the flow, push its path to them. Judah's sign. Your task is this. Go to the vessels. Speak as they do, deal as they do. Follow their paths until you surge to the front of the flock. Lead them to the blades that you may know the severance as they will eronite. Your task is this caution. The vessels, they will be young, with spite in their longing hearts. Tell them something of what lies ahead. Couch it in the fears their betters have known. Yours is a necessary task, and the severance may choose to grant you reprieve from your suffering of age. Ensure that the tide flows true from now to the crumbling. The greater the pain of the vessels, the wider the stain their blood shall reach on those who remain in the foundering vein. Let the blood spill, the filth sever the flesh.

[Marcus Parks]

Very intense. Is that the other chapter of the libertarian poetry book?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. That camel poem must have really sucked.

[Marcus Parks]

I like it cuz I like a performance aspect. Yeah, but he's mostly just yelling about veins and blood. And blood.

[Unknown]

And severance.

[Marcus Parks]

And severance.

[Unknown]

Yeah. And Oroboro.

[Marcus Parks]

And this is not an Apple TV tie in. It is not to the show Severance.

[Unknown]

It is not.

[Marcus Parks]

Which I think is a different severance than this. But I refuse to watch it because I don't watch shows while they're on television Vision.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

You could see that performed whenever we see Moody Blues in hell.

[Marcus Parks]

It would be good. Honestly. That needs some good chugging metal underneath it. Oh, yeah, yeah. You need to get that thick ass sludge.

[Unknown]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get some sludge in the. No, that definitely calls from for some stone or metal. Without a doubt.

[Marcus Parks]

I went the opposite way.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Marcus Parks]

So I got just creepy stuff and I think that this is. It's interesting because I went through some of our old listener pastas and I went through some other forums that I went through because I. I always struggle like with trying to find something that maybe is genuinely creepy.

[Unknown]

Yep. 20 times you've tried and 20 times you failed. Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

And so what I'm gonna do now.

[Unknown]

You are not genuinely creepy. You know, I'm sorry, but you're a clown.

[Marcus Parks]

I am doctor. I am.

[Ed Larson]

You could be killing someone and still make them laugh.

[Marcus Parks]

That's what I hope. That better be my review on. On my murder. Yelp. Are you holding back on foreign travel plans this year because you are afraid of the language gap? Well, no need to moin the gap if you have Babel. This year we speak like an all new you with Babel, the language learning app that gets you talking. Babel's 10 minute lessons created by over 200 experts help you start speaking a new language in three weeks or at your pace. With a focus on practical real world conversations. It makes learning to communicate easy and effective. I do wish that they could put a cockney like option in there. So you can go, I go now. And they can go. And she can be like. That means hello, mister. Being like, how are you, sir? Like, I feel like that would be really fun. That would help me. Or like they have like, they have like terms like the I like in Ireland and stuff where they go like, oh, she's like. She's like a cat caught inside of the washing machine or something. Or they say, oh, what's the crack? That's what, that's what they. That's what they say. Oh, what's the crack in Ireland? And I wish I had an app that says, oh, he's not talking about your butt. It's what they say over there. But Babel otherwise doing great. Let's get more of you talking in a new language. Babel is gifting our listeners 60% off subscriptions at babel.com left get up to 60% off at babel.com left spelled B-A-B-B-E-L.com left babbel.com left rules and restrictions may apply.

[Henry Zabrowski]

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[Marcus Parks]

So let's go and look at this is a story from one of our listeners. Oh my God, the actor Ryan Reynolds.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, how nice. I didn't know he was into this stuff.

[Unknown]

It's from a man named Ryan Reynolds.

[Marcus Parks]

It's from Peppermint Mobile. It's the other Ryan Reynolds.

[Unknown]

Ryan Reynolds is quite a common name.

[Marcus Parks]

Whoa. Yeah, I guess it is for you whites, unlike me.

[Unknown]

What? The pinks?

[Marcus Parks]

Oh yeah, I'm European.

[Ed Larson]

The hot dog people.

[Marcus Parks]

Listen, listen. Okay. I think I'd know if I was white or not.

[Ed Larson]

Let's bleed mustard.

[Marcus Parks]

That's yellow. This story is 100% true. A little background information. Growing up, we never really had a close relationship with our grandparents on my mother's side. My grandfather was an alcoholic World War II veteran and my grandmother a housewife who married my grandfather out of wedlock sometime in the 1940s, hopefully after the war. From what I was told, they never loved each other and just stayed together out of convenience and the old adage misery loves company. In the early 1990s, I would have been a toddler and my two brothers a few years older than me. This time period is when we were at my grandparents home the most. I believe this was an Attempt for my parents to try and garner a somewhat normal relationship with our grandparents. It always works like that.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Always toss them in extra with toxic people. More time the better. It always works out. It never backs fires and they never manipulate your children from the inside out.

[Unknown]

No, no, no, no. Throw children into as many bad relationships as possible. It's like if you can show them a really bad example of two people.

[Marcus Parks]

Together and let them sort it out.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Provide no commentary because you'll always remember my grandmother just pinching my. My sister underneath the table every time she tried to eat. And I always remember my grandmother grabbing me by my side meat and going. You eat chocolate and it's gonna give you a heart attack.

[Ed Larson]

I saw one of my. My great aunt for the first time. Like I saw her when I was a child and I saw her and.

[Marcus Parks]

How great was she?

[Ed Larson]

Horrible. She was. I remember I saw her. I hadn't seen her in 20 years. I show up in the first. You got fat right out the gate. As soon as I walked in the door I was like I've always been fat.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes. Still fat.

[Unknown]

Yeah. You were so fat when you were born. They wrote a newspaper article about it.

[Ed Larson]

A whole bunch of them.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

I still view him as just big.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Now my grandparents home was a ranch style built house in a neighborhood constructed around the late 1950s.

[Ed Larson]

Branch. The dressing or the structure?

[Marcus Parks]

I think it's the dressing. Because we actually grew up in a Thousand island style home. My grandfather took care of the property. My grandmother had an immaculate home. This is the type of home where plastic was on the furniture and the carpet was a seafoam green with mirrored squares glued to the living room wall. Exactly. I know. I know this home.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Marcus Parks]

My grandpar had a living room we could not enter. I don't remember much of the time spent at this home. Too much as they were just fleeting memories of my childhood that me nor my brothers put much value into later life. Later life. But one thing we all remember was the stairs. There was a set of stairs that ran down into a dark basement.

[Unknown]

A set of stairs. I thought they meant like the grandparents staring at them for hours on end.

[Marcus Parks]

That's cuz that's just old grandpa peepers. I love my grandpa peepers. Always making sure I'm clean. Get your feet now. Get your back of your legs. Get the back of your legs. Yeah. Good, good. Good. Nice are wet. Nice wet. I'll get your front. Get your front. Get your front falls. Play with the tents.

[Ed Larson]

That's just my first set of stairs.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Second set of stairs.

[Marcus Parks]

Let me get my. Get my jeweler's glass.

[Unknown]

Second set of stairs is illegal.

[Marcus Parks]

That's when I'm looking inside your porthole. That's Mole Station, everybody.

[Ed Larson]

Now it seems worse than that.

[Unknown]

It is.

[Marcus Parks]

It actually, I. You know what? It's so much worse just to have you bend me over and look me in my butthole and not me.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

There was a set of stairs and ran down to the dark basement where my grandfather's workshop was. This descended about 12 stairs down and sat between the kitchen and the garage. At the top, a landing no bigger than 3ft by 3ft seat sat nestled at the top of the staircase.

[Unknown]

You know, for somebody who didn't really think about it much, he sure doesn't know a lot of details about dimensions.

[Marcus Parks]

He's upset about the stairs. As children, me and my brothers would get really, really dark vibes and feelings when standing at this spot on the stairs. This even became like a child's horror game to stand on the landing for as long as you could as some type of play on the Bloody Mary game. I remember around the time I was three, I began having night terrors about the stairs. I do not remember the exact details. It was more a sense of a fever dream that just rifled me with terror at night. These images would involve the stairs and a dim red light. This was something I couldn't explain or articulate to anyone as I was so young, which I understand. I had reoccurring creepy dreams that I could not explain when I was a kid. Like, I had a dream always that I was in a crib in a castle on fire.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I had.

I always had a dream that. You know Greedo from Star Wars? Yeah, yeah, a bunch of them. But they were glowing blue and they all had different symbols on their chest with different ways to tickle me. And then they would all surround me and tickle me until I exploded and I would wake up.

[Marcus Parks]

You think this is a play on some kind of inner anti Semitic thought or something? Because Greedo was the evil. Obviously he was the Jewish stereotype in a way.

[Unknown]

No, he wasn't. You're thinking of Watto.

[Marcus Parks]

I'm sorry. Yes.

[Unknown]

Watto was the obvious Jewish stereotype in episode one. I'm talking about Greedo, the green man that Han Solo shot in the Mos Eisley Cantina. And I feel better now. Okay, good man.

[Ed Larson]

My regular dream was, you'll be ready for this. I was. I'm in Africa on the beach, and then an orca beaches itself and I'm trying to push it back into the water and I'm there with another guy who's like a soldier or something. And then the orca of rips his arm off and then like. And then starts, like, thrashing around and the dude dies, bleeding, screaming on the beach.

[Marcus Parks]

Is this real?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, this is real. I've had this dream once. Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Really?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

And then I didn't say this through your entire SeaWorld series.

[Ed Larson]

Well, it had nothing to do with it. It was. You know, I'm saying it now.

[Unknown]

What the.

[Ed Larson]

So anyway, there's a but. So then I look at. I know what to do. So I take the guy's gun and I can't get the orca back in the water. So I just shoot the orca in the head, you know, and then I look down the beach and the beach is just like 20 more orcas. And so I just gotta walk down the beach and shoot each orca in the head. You know, it's sad, but, you know, things happen.

[Marcus Parks]

You did an entire episode about whales and he never said this, that you had to systematically shoot a bunch of whales in your dreams more than once. Jesus Christ.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Of course.

[Marcus Parks]

You're obsessed with it.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know, but they die in my dreams, but most of them live in real life unless they're captured. We don't need to do that episode again.

[Marcus Parks]

Why don't we just let the boy go? This reminds me of the Murder Fist sketch. Why didn't we let the boy live? As I grew up, we grew away in a relationship with my grandparents as they didn't seem interested in fostering a relationship with us as grandchildren specifically. Without going into too much detail, it was shed to light that they were extremely cruel and toxic people. When I was in my early 20s, I was having a talk with my dad. Like one of those talks when you sit down with a cigar and talk about the crazy stuff you did when you were young, about the repercussions since you are an adult now. The discussion on my grandparents came up as they recently had sold their home and all of their possessions and were placed in retirement and hospice. Living, living good for them. After a few back and forth jabs about the plastic covers on the furniture and the porcelain cat statues, the stairs came up. I said, hey, remember those stairs of that house? Those were severely creepy. Especially for the ambiance of that house. My father became seemingly uncomfortable. He went quiet for a while and proceeded to tell me a personally haunting story for him. My father stated in the 1980s. He was a motorcycle mechanic working at a shop that was privately owned. The owner, we will call Jack, became one of his best friends and they regularly hung out. Fix stuff, drank beer, cool guy stuff.

[Unknown]

Did you say thick stuff? Drank beer.

[Marcus Parks]

Thick stuff.

[Unknown]

Thick stuff.

[Marcus Parks]

Thick stuff. Like guys do. Yeah, they're always fixing stuff and they're all fixing each other and they're all wet.

[Unknown]

What do you think thick stuff would be like? Someone said like, hey, come on over, we're gonna do some thick stuff.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, thick stuff. I know what that means.

[Unknown]

What does it mean?

[Marcus Parks]

It means jamming things inside of me in my mouth and my butthole. Except if it's Eddie or if I'm talking to Eddie, then it means barbecue.

[Ed Larson]

Yes. And if Limp Biscuit were carpenters, they could change their song to Fix Stuff.

[Marcus Parks]

I mean, that would also. That would hurt the whole brand. They can't be fixing things now. He said that his buddy Jack had a wife and three young children. My father stated that one day Jack had gone home after work and opened the garage door to go inside. And he said that Jack's wife's car was in the garage, running. Jack's wife was in the car, dead. Jack went to the door that leads inside from the garage to call 911 from the kitchen, but the door was blocked. Jack went through the front door to find his three children dead on the landing above the stairs. His wife had committed suicide by running the car in a closed garage and locked the car going into the garage from the kitchen. The children waited on the landing for their mother to come back inside and died as well from the carbon monoxide. This broke Jack as obviously his whole family was dead in a tragic manner. The house went up for sale as soon as he couldn't bear to live there anymore. And a few months later my grandparents bought that exact house. Let me specify this wasn't because they were financially broke and it was their only option or anything like that. I turned flush after hearing this one. That my grandparents were so terrible they bought a house their son in law's best friend family had died in. But also the torture my dad had to endure every time we visited them. I've had a few paranormal experiences. But when someone asks me if I believe in the paranormal or afterlife energy type stuff, I tell them this story. I was a kid. I didn't know any of the backstory yet. The same exact spot where his kids died, me and my brothers, three children. Just as Jack's family could feel the despair and horror I've driven By the house once in a while over the past decade to see a new family living there and wonder if they feel the presence of the dead kids on stairs, knock, ask. Yeah, investigate, dude.

[Ed Larson]

But you know, the kids died there. Of course you have those feelings.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, no, she said. They said that they did not know. They didn't know his kids when they were kids.

[Unknown]

They didn't know. He didn't know until he was older that it was creepy.

[Marcus Parks]

But this is, like, what a great opportunity. Nothing would be better being like, do you know who died in this house? Regis filled it. You know, you can make up a bunch of.

[Ed Larson]

I mean, it's the only. You get to stay. Who goes there and all that stuff. When they.

[Marcus Parks]

You would not go to knock on, like, when your aunt Patty, God rest her soul, if she ever passes, she's alive.

[Ed Larson]

She's alive.

[Unknown]

If.

[Marcus Parks]

When, if. If she ever passes, I don't think she'll die. Is that if we go to sell that house, which is extremely haunted? It's the same. Then you can hang out outside of that house and tell people that it's extremely haunted.

[Ed Larson]

No, she left the haunted house, like, 20 years ago. We can go to that house and tell them it's haunted whenever we want. Yeah, that one's in Linden.

[Unknown]

If you're gonna do that, I think the polite thing to do is instead of telling them the whole story, write up a little one sheet of what happened, Slip it under the door. Slip it under the door and say.

[Marcus Parks]

I shall return on the morrow to discuss. Man, we're leaving. We gotta do this.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, yeah. That's a good thing to do to just anybody. I'd probably do it at the Ramada tonight.

[Marcus Parks]

Eddie, can you please do it? Can you please go with me? Like, like, is there wailing coming from your room? Like, write it in Sharpie. Been, like, I hear a ghostly moaning coming from your room.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. If it's not you, duck. All right, I got a story. Marcus sent me this one. It's very sweet.

[Unknown]

This is this one that I, I. I saw this one, and it. It reminded me of murder fest. All right. Had things gone a different direction.

[Ed Larson]

All right.

[Marcus Parks]

But towards successor, getting a television show, being in charge of.

[Ed Larson]

All right, it's called audience. Audience. It's called audience by the audience, Ron.

[Marcus Parks]

And we live for the applause.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, that's a great song. Ron MacGillivray. Thank you, Mac, Ron Mac Gilbert, for sending this. All right. I had recently moved to New York, and I was taking the subway back home. It was just me, this Homeless man next to me and a bunch of other people around my area. Everything was pretty peaceful. So I decided to distract myself by taking out my phone and opening Twitter. As I was scrolling down the page, the homeless guy next to me. Move forward. Leaned in and said, my name's Terry. I was at the show once. I ignored him, started checking my news feed.

[Marcus Parks]

I've had so many of these interactions. I've had so many of this. I do comedy, too. You want to hear something? Okay. The Gremlins. My brain say don't kill you right now. Looks to me like you got a.

[Unknown]

Bag of d nose with you. What you planning on doing with that?

[Marcus Parks]

You want to see mine?

[Ed Larson]

They're all covered in shit.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

You know why? I'll show you.

[Marcus Parks]

It's right here. The bag is my asshole. Sorry. That was my punchline. That was my big tag phrase.

[Ed Larson]

He started again. No, really, I was. It was avant garde. We would walk around town and act out these little plays in public. Some people ignored it, but there were always others who paid attention and loved it. How is it? Right?

[Marcus Parks]

Whatever.

[Ed Larson]

Greg Robinson did a show at the.

[Marcus Parks]

Store last night, apparently for nine people. All right.

[Ed Larson]

It happens.

[Marcus Parks]

We gave 110. No matter who was in the audience.

[Ed Larson]

That's right. Even if there was nobody. Some of our best shows were in front of nobody, really.

[Marcus Parks]

Honestly, no one ever saw our best work.

[Unknown]

That's called rehearsal.

[Marcus Parks]

No, no, no, no. It was in a theater with an.

[Unknown]

Empty house I've been in.

[Marcus Parks]

You were there.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I was there. And I've been in a dozen bands over the years. And when you play to nobody, it's.

[Marcus Parks]

A public rehearsal, but it's kind of almost better than a show.

[Ed Larson]

I surprisingly, wasn't sad about it anyway.

[Marcus Parks]

I was sad.

[Ed Larson]

I didn't answer. I tried to use my silence to tell him to leave me alone, but he kept talking. Yeah, it was pretty great. We'd act like morons, give speeches and shit. Just having fun, acting out little scenes wherever we felt like it. We were doing it for ourselves.

[Marcus Parks]

That's what we thought. No, this is not fair.

[Ed Larson]

Then we kept doing it. Even when we were alone. We just always felt like somebody was watching. We really realized we were playing it all out in front of a real audience. We started hearing them around us. I was.

[Marcus Parks]

This is such a. Oh, my God. This really makes me sad. This really makes me sad. We used to say stuff like this. You just think, like, it's all about just building a place. They'll come. They'll come to the show. They'll have to come. They'll hear the circus. Everyone loves a circus.

[Ed Larson]

I was listening to him, if only to know what was going through this crazy person's head. He looked up at me, and this crazed look came into his eyes. We could hear the real audience, the one we knew we were playing for all along. So we changed the show. Maybe it was more edgy, you know, exciting. We'd wait till people were alone, and then we'd heard them. Yeah. Give a real hard time and shit, you know?

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, I like that.

[Ed Larson]

The audience loved it.

[Marcus Parks]

I love this guy.

[Ed Larson]

We had. We had total freedom. Anything we wanted, we could.

[Unknown]

Anything or anyone.

[Ed Larson]

Now I was just.

[Marcus Parks]

I feel like I'm just at the store. Feel like I'm talking to a standup community now.

[Ed Larson]

I was fully listening to this guy's story, but. But when I turned to look at him, his hand was deep in his pants. Shocked, I turned to the other people on the train with me, but they were ignoring it. One woman in a suit shrugged her shoulders as if saying, sorry, your problem. I had never hated someone as much as I did in that moment.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, whatever, man. He's just trying to make it. He's a comedian.

[Ed Larson]

The pervert next to me continued. Yeah, anything, man. We started, like, really hurting people, you know?

[Marcus Parks]

Could totally see you doing this to, like, a lost Asian family on the train that's just visiting New York. You. I see Eddie at 28 years old, like, literally been like, yeah, yeah, we do a lot of up shit at night here. You're like, yeah, yeah. You guys are going out to eat. Not me. I'm going out to eat. Drink. I don't eat.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, well, the. The whole show shifted when we first killed someone. Yeah, yeah, the first time it was an accident, but the audience loved it, man. They cleaned it all up. Almost licked it clean. Now we had to give them what they wanted. We started killing more people, doing awful things to him. He still had his hands at his pants when he said. And then he began to pant loudly. Yeah, we did whatever we wanted, man. Whatever we desired. We catch people alone and devour them, Use them. And the audience cleaned it up. Nothing could touch us. We were primal, like animals. Animals. Totally free. We've killed kids, animals. There's so much pent up in us. It was like a breath of fresh air letting it all out. His hand was out of his pants. As soon as he stopped talking and he grabbed me by the neck, he forced me to tape hand. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Get some hand sanitizer.

[Ed Larson]

He forced me to turn to his dirty face. And I was too terrified to fight back at all. He looked deep into my eyes and smiled widely. That was when the train started slowing down. It wasn't screeching to a halt, just slowing, like time itself was stopping outside the window. I stared at the people around me, yet somehow didn't notice. The homeless man's face went blank then, and he let me go. I breathed a sigh of relief and he got up and said to no one in particular, no, guys, she's okay. We'll have a show later. Then the train started to speed up, up, but not by much Time seemed to be shifting back to normal, but we were still in the tunnel. I looked back to the homeless man as he walked casually to the doors. It took a moment to explain to myself what was happening. Then I stared in other shock as every person that had been around me got up and moved down to the same doors. They stared at me with bored looks, and a couple of them smirked with pure malice in their eyes. Then the same businesswoman who had shrugged said, sorry, folks, really. Show's over. Terry said to leave her. Then from all around me came sighs from every direction and every place came disappointed, resigned size. I looked around wildly for loudspeakers or microphones, but I found none. The voices were coming from no one, yet I could feel them all around me. Then time shifted abruptly back to normal and the train pulled into the station. I was hyperventilating, not able to piece together the train of events. The group shuffled out of the station and Terry said to the group, pointing to a teenager going up the escalator to the exit there. He's perfect. And the entire woman.

[Marcus Parks]

Why not the woman?

[Unknown]

He didn't. He didn't like her.

[Marcus Parks]

He wasn't.

[Unknown]

She wasn't good enough.

[Ed Larson]

And the entire group of people followed him out of the station towards the boy as the sounds of claps and hollers that seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere echoed through the station. The woman was in on it.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. You know what it feels like? You know what honestly feels like? This is. This whole thing. It's like the Merle Haggard thing. You're playing to the audience that shows up.

[Ed Larson]

That's right.

[Marcus Parks]

Like, all of this stuff is about, like. No, you have to curate your audience.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

You can't just play whoever is around there telling you what to do. You can't listen to just the audience telling you what to do.

[Unknown]

What subway station do you imagine here? I imagine Hoyt Skimmerhorn.

[Marcus Parks]

I literally. Wow. Weird.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, that's really weird. I also thought G train.

[Unknown]

Yeah, yeah, for sure. It had a definite G train feel.

[Marcus Parks]

You know what? There needs to be a pill that makes comedians feel like this. We will cut some of the pack down. If we just give people the idea that they're being watched by an audience, maybe that will actually help. Help some of us stop.

[Unknown]

Yeah. So you want to induce schizophrenia in people?

[Marcus Parks]

Honestly, if I could just feel beloved, I wouldn't have to do this ever again. If I could fill that hole inside of me, I could be a happy person. But I don't think I can.

[Ed Larson]

Schizophrenia should be our new sketch group name.

[Marcus Parks]

Whoa. Skits. Ophrenia. Yeah, with the skits.

[Unknown]

Yeah, Schizophrenia. And it's all for free. And you're all street musicians, street performers.

[Marcus Parks]

We bring skits at you. Yeah, you want skits too fucking bad. That's our thing. That's the tag.

[Unknown]

Yeah, but you are bringing skits.

[Marcus Parks]

What do you mean?

[Unknown]

You say you want skits too fucking bad. That implies that you're not giving them skits, but you're. You are forcing skits upon people.

[Marcus Parks]

I'm giving you. I'm letting you know that I'm gonna bring skits by asking you. But I don't care what the answer is. And if you say yes, we probably won't do skits.

[Ed Larson]

Sketch a.

[Marcus Parks]

Now it's getting ser.

[Ed Larson]

From your grave.

[Marcus Parks]

Hey, this is Jeff Lewis from Radio Andy live and uncensored. Catch me talking with my friends about my latest obsessions, relationship issues and bodily ailments. With that kind of drama that seems to follow me, you never know what's going to happen. You can listen to Jeff Lewis live at home or anywhere you are. Download the Sirius XM app for over 425 channels of ad, free music, sports, entertainment and more. Subscribe now and get 3 months free offer details Apply.

[Henry Zabrowski]

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[Unknown]

All right, my next story is by an author named Neon Minerva.

[Marcus Parks]

Ooh.

[Unknown]

It's called Dreams of a Rotted Mind.

[Marcus Parks]

All right.

[Unknown]

Vignettes. Yeah, a few vignettes.

[Marcus Parks]

This is a chapter in the Zizian Manifesto.

[Unknown]

Far away in a desolate, horrid, rotten.

Land where almost nobody lives anymore, there lies a small man rotting on the ground, even his mind starting to rot. Don't you wonder what his dreams are like?

[Marcus Parks]

They're bad. They're not nice. They're not nice.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, I just did that character.

[Marcus Parks]

First stupider version. This is stupider version of Terry.

[Unknown]

First dream.

Six people sit in a waiting room. Pictures of teeth and eyes cover the walls. A nurse walks out and approaches a man.

The wretch says, you're weird.

The man walks off, frustrated with this outcome. Several minutes pass before she comes out again and approach approaches a woman.

The roach says, you're stupid. She looks as though she's about to.

Punch the poor nurse in the nose. She walks out. About an hour passes and one man checks his watch. The nurse finally walks out again.

The roach says, you're a dead man.

He feels all his teeth melting in his mouth and spits them out into the garbage can, nearly throwing up in the process.

His eyes snap out of their sockets.

And blood sprays from them as if under high pressure.

He feels like several holes have been poked into his heart. His body shrivels to a point where it doesn't look human anymore.

[Marcus Parks]

I'm sorry. I think this whole thing's an allegory about healthcare.

[Unknown]

I think so. Dream number two.

The girl knocked on the door. Earlier, a man had complained so that.

They were making too much noise.

[Ed Larson]

Why are you making so much noise?

[Unknown]

But it seemed pretty quiet to her. When nobody answered her knocks, she tried opening herself.

It was unlocked. Nothing could be seen in the room until she flipped a light switch. She saw things she never should have. Oh yeah. Humanoid creatures were cutting into each other with knives. They had no blood and they were easily cut through like clay. One had its head cut off and was still moving. Cool. She heard somebody call from the other room and when she entered, another woman was trapped beneath a sticky, flesh colored substance.

[Marcus Parks]

Help me. Help it. That's exactly what she said. Help. Help me. Help. It's a big pink snowman. There's a pink snowman on me.

[Unknown]

Help me. The woman cried, and her skin rolled down her face with her tears.

[Marcus Parks]

Whoa.

[Unknown]

A hand came out of the wall and ran to the woman's hair, pulling out clumps of coagulated blood. Come one, it said. The woman's head fell. The girl screamed and knew she had to get out. She will never forget what she saw that day.

[Marcus Parks]

I gotta stop taking melatonin. It's not good. I'm not good.

[Unknown]

Dream 3 I oh God.

[Marcus Parks]

I don't wanna have one of these dreams. I just wanna have a nice dream. Me hanging out with Hayden Penitent Gay from Heroes. You remember Allie Larder. Hi, Mama. It's a whole day of CW stars. I love it. Oh yeah, the Flesh. How Was your show?

[Unknown]

Dream 3 I started the day like any other. I ate breakfast and left my apartment.

That's where it gets weird.

Nobody I saw in the streets had any facial features apart from from dents.

Where their eyes should have been, which seemed to be colored in with black marker. Then I saw him, the odd one out among the crowd, a guy who still had his face intact.

He motioned for me to walk into an alley.

[Marcus Parks]

Come closer, please.

[Unknown]

I don't know why, but I trusted him. I don't know why I trusted him, but I did. In the alley, two other people lay sleeping. Close my eyes for just a second, and in that impossibly small bit of time, everything went horribly wrong. The man I tried trusted now had a radio for a head, playing a horrible grating static noise that nobody should ever be forced to hear.

[Marcus Parks]

This is about the media.

[Unknown]

The person on my right had only a large mouth on his face, constantly screaming in agony.

No, the person.

[Marcus Parks]

Ouch.

[Unknown]

The person on my left had become a large fleshy mass with a zipper down its front, trying to unzip itself with its spindly legs.

[Marcus Parks]

I'm trying to change into my bathing suit, and when I change into my bathing suit, I don't oughta have that. I might go to a nice hotel pool.

[Unknown]

Then the entire world fell apart.

I don't even remember my name anymore. I don't remember who I am. I don't know where I am either. All I remember is that one day.

The rotted man woke up.

He started walking, a large green pyramid looming above him.

[Marcus Parks]

Bass Pro Shops, my favorite place in Memphis.

[Unknown]

He walked and kept walking, past all.

The remnants of a time where life existed. He just kept walking in his own personal nowhere.

[Marcus Parks]

Thank God I got my AirPods.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, it kind of sounds nice.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Use the break.

[Unknown]

Walking in his own personal nowhere towards a green pyramid. Yeah, I could spend an afternoon doing that.

[Marcus Parks]

Got me on four edibles on a plane. Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Larson]

It's like a happy pasta.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. A relax a pasta. Yeah, yeah. Because that's kind of nice. Now I just took this story from, this is from a random Redditor. This is in a True Scary Stories. I just read this and it was just it I, I, I thought it was interesting.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Marcus Parks]

It was a subtle ghost story.

[Unknown]

Oh, okay. All right. I, I shall listen closely for the subtleties.

[Marcus Parks]

Odyssey, Pop.

[Unknown]

Odyssey, Pop.

[Marcus Parks]

That's the name of the person who wrote it. Okay.

[Ed Larson]

What's the name of the story?

[Marcus Parks]

It's called I heard my friend's deceased husband.

[Unknown]

Oh.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, okay. That's fun. Did he fart after death?

[Marcus Parks]

Yes, yes, Eddie. He was big enough fart and drinking piss. So all he heard she hear the as he always. Because he always had a big Stanley brim into the rim with hot piss.

[Ed Larson]

And he used to just on it. That's so cool, man.

[Marcus Parks]

I love it's cool.

[Unknown]

His own piss or somebody else's.

[Marcus Parks]

Whatever you could get.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Marcus Parks]

Whatever was hot. Piping hot. I was Sometimes it's nice you pop in the the microwave if this been sitting out. I was house pet sitting for my next door neighbor friend, angel, while she was in Hawaii. She's a widow and I was just taking care of her two cats, an elderly Yorkie. All I to do was feed them, play with them, them clean the litter box. It's cute. Fun times.

[Unknown]

It's cute.

[Marcus Parks]

Then while she was still gone, her dog passed away. I called her, did what she needed to be done and put him in the freezer like she asked. Great. That night, after everything settled, I went out to the.

[Unknown]

Wait, wait, wait, wait. So the dog died and the friend said, put it in the freezer till I get back.

[Marcus Parks]

Literally just said, hey, pop it in there. If you could move the nugs to the queen's fridge in the garage, then I could get some time because it's your kitchen. Yorkie.

[Unknown]

Yeah, Yorkies.

[Ed Larson]

Some people have, you know, an extra freezer that, you know that's just a freezer.

[Marcus Parks]

No, that's what I do.

[Unknown]

I can't believe that the two of you are not looking at this as an issue of like, hey, put the dead dog in the freezer and the two of you are looking at it. As a space issue.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, you gotta wrap it up.

[Ed Larson]

I mean it's better in the freezer than, you know, getting out in the elements exploding.

[Marcus Parks]

You know, if you wrap it in a bunch of plastic and stick it a couple paper bags, it's not gonna do too much.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, it'll stay for years.

[Marcus Parks]

It depends on how. How it died. Right? Like.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, don't put it in the freezer.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Scoop it up. Yeah, yeah. Okay. All right. It needs to be either. It needs to have done like to be honest, in a moment of pure rashness, hung itself with the rope or.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Or you know, choked itself in the. In the stove. But I think that. Yeah, it has to be one piece.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Having grown up in the country, I need. When I hear dead dog, my mind immediately goes to violence because I only had one dog that did not die by violent means.

[Marcus Parks]

No, no, no, this is a dog that. It checked its way out old fashioned style dog trout.

[Unknown]

That's nice.

[Marcus Parks]

Went out of the house, didn't come back.

[Ed Larson]

Now it's in the freezer beat to death by hammers.

[Marcus Parks]

You're right. That's the hardest part. That's the. That's one of the hardest deaths to deal with as a pet owner. Cuz we all go through it at least once.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Goddamn automatic hammers.

[Marcus Parks]

I'm sick of these automatic hammers. Everywhere you go you got to get.

[Ed Larson]

Keep.

[Marcus Parks]

You know what? You know what? Watch your dog around these automatic hammers. Hey, sorry.

[Unknown]

So I was like. I was hanging around your house and I saw this button and the automatic hammer button.

[Marcus Parks]

I pushed it. Yeah, I should have said some dog dead.

[Ed Larson]

Thanks.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, I figured he likes to out in the automatic hammer machine. All right. That night. It's a common mistake. It happens. It's. This is the third time I've had a Your.

[Unknown]

I need to stop putting it right next to the toilet flusher.

[Marcus Parks]

I need a great date so my baby could just get his. Just get his head in there, I guess. That night, after everything settled, I went out to the back patio for a smoke. Around midnight, I started packing up my stuff, turning up the lights and getting ready to go home. And then I heard it. A bark. But not from a dog.

[Unknown]

It was a man's voice.

[Marcus Parks]

Bark, bark. Yep, like someone imitating a bark. Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark. I stopped, turn around and looked my house to the left of angels. There's a vacant house to the right. Behind her place is another house with motion sensor lights. And there's no one there. Then I heard it again. Once Bark. Then twice, Bark, bark. Sounded like someone was just standing just on the other side of the fence messing with me. Hold on a second.

[Ed Larson]

Marcus, are you an actor?

[Marcus Parks]

That's exceptional.

[Unknown]

Thank you.

[Marcus Parks]

It is exceptional.

[Unknown]

I specialize in interspecies performance.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, yes, yes, very much. Now, can you please do a cat meow? Perfect.

[Ed Larson]

Jesus.

[Marcus Parks]

Get it out of here. The barking got louder. Bark, bark. More frequent. Bark, bark, bark, bark. Like whoever was doing it was having way too much fun scaring me.

[Unknown]

Bark, bark, bark, bark.

[Marcus Parks]

And the weirdest part, it didn't feel like a person. Oh, I know how to explain it, but something about it was just wrong.

[Unknown]

Okay, off.

[Marcus Parks]

That's all I needed to nope the hell out of there. So I ran. The barking got louder as I booked it, but the second I reached the front yard, silence. I didn't stop until I was inside my house. My husband called me down, listened to the whole thing and said it was probably just some idiot playing a prank. Definitely not him. I wanted to believe him, but I was still freaked out. Fast forward to a few days. I was outside smoking with my mother in law and I randomly brought it up, told her the whole story. She barely reacted. Just not just nod and said, oh, yeah, that's Rex.

[Ed Larson]

No, she was more like, oh, yeah, that's Rex.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right.

[Unknown]

I more imagine it like, oh, yeah, that's Rex.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh yeah, that's Rex. I was like, I'm sorry, what? She explained that Angel's late husband Rex used to bark at her from over the fence as a joke. And the next day I told angel and she confirmed. Yep, that was something old Rex used to do. I still won't go back there at night. Afraid of the bark.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Marcus Parks]

Just afraid of the bark.

[Unknown]

Afraid of the bark.

[Marcus Parks]

Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark.

[Unknown]

Bark, bark, bark, bark.

[Marcus Parks]

Bjark.

[Unknown]

Bjark.

[Marcus Parks]

B. Bjork. Whoa, whoa. That blind. The one where she was blind.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Oh. Dance in the dark.

[Marcus Parks]

Yep. Dancer in the bark, bark. That's just a vocal tick now. It's just a vocal tick.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

But yeah, she's just afraid of the guy going, bark.

[Ed Larson]

Why? Because you don't like it? Is it like. What is it like a. It's a ghost dog.

[Unknown]

No, it's a ghost man pretending to be a dog with a dog and a man with a dog's name.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes. A man named Rex who barks at people with his voice. But it's not a dog. It's in fact a man. He's actually a ghost.

[Unknown]

And.

[Marcus Parks]

And now it barks as a ghost. Ghost. The man as a man pretending to.

[Unknown]

Be a dog and just happened to show up the same night that the friend put the. The Yorkie's corpse in the freezer.

[Marcus Parks]

Had to pop him in there.

[Unknown]

Yeah. How to pop them in there?

[Marcus Parks]

Bark bark, bark, bark. Because who else would? She's the only one there with the Yorkie. Yorkie's not gonna do it herself.

[Unknown]

And it's true. What does one have to do the other?

[Marcus Parks]

What do you mean?

[Unknown]

The freezer, the dead dog and the bark bark.

[Marcus Parks]

To be honest, it's just one of those weird things. When you read these creepypastas, people just throw kind of random factoids in there. And that's one of those where you're like that. That's actually the creepiest part of this.

[Ed Larson]

Whole thing is that there's a dead dog in the freezer and she still thinks it's a man ghost.

[Marcus Parks]

You went in there and you went like oh no. Ah. Can you. Cuz just see. I could just see the Y yi with like the terrified frozen look on its face of death. You know, look at the. And then I. Part of me wonders if she. Did she end its life?

[Unknown]

Yeah, get. Go back to the part where she talks about the dog dying because they really just scooted right over that she just went.

[Marcus Parks]

She was like. It was just like. It really was prun. Pretty much like an afterthought.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Maybe the freezer killed the dog.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, that's. That is finished the job that's called muda. Then while she was gone, I was taking care of her elderly Yorkie. Then while she was gone, her dog passed away. I called her, did what needed to be done and put him in the freezer like she asked. Now I feel like, wow, that could be murder. I called and then the. The term I did what needed to be done is doing a lot of work here.

[Unknown]

Well, I think I did what needed to be done is more like I wrapp a dead dog in a bunch of plastic bags and put it in a freezer. Like I handled a dead dog.

[Marcus Parks]

Or is it because it maybe it got caught in the automatic hammer machine? Yeah, it's actually just lost its. Its legs and organs have been shattered. It didn't get the head. The head's still alive going yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Bark bark. Yeah, she bark, bark, bark, bark. And then she had a beat it to the death with her Birkenstocks.

[Ed Larson]

No, I think she or she put it in a bag and suffocated it. This is a Good way to end the show.

[Marcus Parks]

It really is. People love it. They love the discussion.

[Unknown]

Oh, I'd never do that to you. Georgie. Georgie can't. Yeah, Georgie came in to record today. Come here, girl.

[Marcus Parks]

No, Georgie, we'd never put you out of your misery. We're going to elongate your life way past its natural.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Did you see the stuff where they got the pills that are going to extend a dog's life by how long?

[Ed Larson]

Do not tell Julie about these pills. Pills?

[Marcus Parks]

It's pills. It can extend a dog's life. But apparently though, it does sort of. The dog does live, but its brain is in the event horizon hell world. Yeah, but it's still alive.

[Unknown]

Okay, so you're. So you just have a lump of hairy flesh that could su.

[Ed Larson]

Liberate Tute me.

[Marcus Parks]

Where we are going. We do not need eyes to see.

[Unknown]

Daddy Carmi sounds like something that comes out of the Necronomicon. It's like a Necronomicon pill.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, they're gonna make it come to life. But no, that's true. It's. It's going to elongate their lives. But I don't know what that means. I feel like a lot of people talk about this elongating your life process, but it's at what points getting elongated. Right. Like, so do I just get to be a hundred years old longer? Yeah, because does that. That seems like that sucks dick or do I get to be 50 years old longer?

[Unknown]

No, that. Well, where we're at right now is like you're trying to make like your 30s last in. Well into your 50s.

50S.

And you try to make your 50s last in your 70s.

[Marcus Parks]

That's what you. I mean, you better.

[Unknown]

And then you make your 70s last in your hundreds.

[Marcus Parks]

And then you make your hundreds last. So the two hundreds. And then we could finally eat bugs.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, you can eat bugs now.

[Marcus Parks]

They're pretty gross. One day we won't even know that they're bugs. And here's hoping. Go to patreon.com lastpodcast and left to look at us now. We have entered. We've ended the show.

[Unknown]

Yeah, we've ended the show.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

If you wanted to see Georgie on camera, go To Last Pocket patreon.com LastPodcast on the left to see video episode episodes. And while you're there, for a very reasonable price, you can see last stream on the left every Tuesday at 6pm PST, 9pm EST. You get to see it raw and cut and live. And you get to interact with us.

[Marcus Parks]

And we also Have a lot of big. We have special programming coming up for this, the stream, which I'm really excited for. And just like next week, we're coming back. Back to series. We're gonna do a bunch of. We got a bunch of thick ass.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Now we're gonna push out of the.

[Ed Larson]

Hole and we released our schedule for the rest of the year. So go to last podcast on the left.com and check out all the shows we got coming up. Of course we're coming.

[Marcus Parks]

Eddie, give him a sample joke for tonight.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, Jesus.

[Marcus Parks]

Come on, give him a sample joke. Eddie, don't do this to him. I did the same at the other show where we did it in Huntsville. I did that. And now for your closing joke.

[Ed Larson]

Ed Larson, do you know what the. The hidden tragedy of 911 is?

[Marcus Parks]

What?

[Ed Larson]

Never forget used to belong to the elephants.

[Marcus Parks]

This is what he did to the Huntsville show. Same reaction.

[Ed Larson]

No Marcus reaction.

[Marcus Parks]

I like it.

[Unknown]

I love it. I. I love it.

[Marcus Parks]

But you can see more than that. But he's gonna do a lot more specific material.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

So, yeah, this comes out on Friday. Do you have any. If someone's listening to this on Friday, where can they go to?

[Ed Larson]

Panama City. Right now I am in Panama City with Amber Nelson. She jumped on just for the Panama City tour. She was just there for spring break. I don't know why, but. So she's doing the shows in Panama.

[Marcus Parks]

City trying to get herself a young buck.

[Ed Larson]

And then Sunday in Tallahassee with Danny Bedrosian is almost sold out, so make sure you check it out. But more importantly, last podcast on the left added a ton of shows and we're coming to you starting after. We're going Detroit, Toronto, Atlanta, Salt Lake city, Charlotte, Durham, St. Paul, Minnesota, Milwaukee, Oakland, Cleveland and Portland for two nights. Go to our website and check that out and get tickets.

[Unknown]

Gonna be a great year.

[Ed Larson]

The Ryman was awesome, man. I had such a good time. That was our best.

[Unknown]

Rhyming was incredible. It was. It was easily our best show. It was so much fun. Thanks everyone in Nashville who came out for that one to come see us. Such an historic venue. It's always a pleasure to play the rhyme and to put our own little mark on it.

[Marcus Parks]

We're gonna put a big old mark on your ass. Just see the show. Hail Satan. Pieces of. Yeah, all of you.

[Unknown]

Helgeen. I appreciate all of you very much.

[Marcus Parks]

All you dirty dogs.

[Unknown]

I think you're very nice.

[Marcus Parks]

Whatever, dude. Whatever would ever, dude, feel good about yourself.

[Ed Larson]

Hail Florida.

[Marcus Parks]

I'll see you.

[Unknown]

I had it's my hail.

[Marcus Parks]

It's my. He has to.

[Unknown]

It is.

[Ed Larson]

I know a man who made a belt out of nipples every week for 13 years. I can handle whoever the I want.

[Marcus Parks]

He was an artist.

[Unknown]

If you read. If you read the egg chapter in the book, I explain it.

[Ed Larson]

Okay? All right.

[Marcus Parks]

Good.

[Ed Larson]

I won't do that. Yes.

[Marcus Parks]

All right. Bye.

[Unknown]

Bye.

[Ed Larson]

Bye. Hey.

[Marcus Parks]

This is Jeff Lewis from Radio Andy live and uncensored. Catch me talking with my friends about my latest obsessions, relationship issues and bodily ailments. With that kind of drama that seems to follow me, you never know what's going to happen. You can listen to Jeff Lewis live at home or anywhere you are. Download the SiriusXM app for over 425 channels of AD, free music, sports, entertainment and more. Subscribe now and get 3 months free offer details apply. The last thing you want to hear when you need your auto insurance most is a robot with countless irrelevant menu options. Which is why with USAA Auto insurance, you'll get great service that is easy and reliable, all at the touch of a button. Get a quote today, restrictions apply.