Episode 661: The Miseducation of Ed Larson - Cryptids 101

Summary

Last Podcast on the Left – Episode 661: The Miseducation of Ed Larson – Cryptids 101

Release Date: April 24, 2026
Podcast Hosts: Marcus Parks, Henry Zebrowski, and Ed Larson

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Episode Overview

This episode serves as a comedic and informative primer on the weird world of cryptids, creatures of folklore whose existence is unproven by science—think Bigfoot, Mothman, Chupacabra, and more. After recent heavy material (e.g., Jimmy Savile), the hosts wanted a palate cleanser—something fun yet still spooky. Ed Larson (“Eddie”) confesses he knows little about cryptids, so Marcus and Henry present Cryptids 101: the lore, debates, and oddities surrounding these mysterious creatures. Along the way, they riff on regional pride, the cottage industries built on monsters, and the psychology that fuels cryptid belief.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Cryptids, Why Now?

• After a run of distressing topics, the team opts for “something nice.” Cryptids serve as comfort, escapism, and a bit of local color, especially in grim times.

  “We needed it, cleanse the palate for us, cleanse the palate for the fans.” – Henry (06:51)

2. Cryptids as Local Economy and Identity

• Many American towns leverage unique cryptids (e.g., Squonk, Mothman) for tourism and community branding.

  “I’d call them cottage cryptids... towns will build festivals around, like Squankapalooza.” – Marcus (09:15)

• There's a humorous rivalry about "ownership" of cryptids—e.g., Mothman coffee rights.

3. The Bigfoot Archetype: Global Tradition & Variants

• The Bigfoot/Sasquatch legend is international, with different cultures chronicling humanoid ape-like figures (Yeti, Skunk Ape, Folk Monster).

  “Every single culture, especially in North America, has a story of this type of thing.” – Henry (21:00)

• Discussion of Bigfoot as possibly part spiritual, part psychological—a mix of the real and imagined.

4. Cryptids – Psychology & Societal Need

• Cryptids fill a need for a world that is bigger, stranger, and more magical than everyday reality.

  “People want life to be more than it is... it’s kind of a loophole between aliens and ghosts.” – Henry (14:30)

• Comparing cryptid belief to the Mandela Effect: people "dig their heels in" to justify memories or experiences outside consensus reality.

5. Blurry Lines: Legendary Creatures, Biology, and Hoaxes

• The hosts discuss how cryptids occasionally turn out to be real animals (e.g., giant squid, platypus) or result from misidentification (hypertrichosis, wild men, or deformed circus performers).

  “If cryptids are real, that will change the entire nature of reality.” – Marcus (42:38)

• Some cryptids—like dragons—are deemed purely symbolic or mythological, likely inspired by ancient discoveries of fossils or cultural fears of the unknown.

6. Regional and Cultural Variations

• European cryptids tend toward worms and dogs (e.g., phantom cats); American ones are more amorphous or animalistic (e.g., blobs, Squonk, Jersey Devil).
• The Chupacabra is notably different in Puerto Rico (reptilian) versus Texas (often a mange-ridden canine).

7. Notable Cryptids and Their Stories

• Bigfoot/Sasquatch: May be a product of lonely men in forests, mental illness, or a modern pan-spiritual phenomenon.
• Mothman: Singly unique cryptid—a harbinger, not a perpetrator, of disaster.

  “The Mothman is a portent of doom. As if the Mothman shows up, something bad’s gonna happen.” – Marcus (50:34)

• Jersey Devil: Singular, malevolent presence.
• Chupacabra: Chicken/goat-eater, with various forms.
• Melonheads, Pukwudgies: Fun, harmless regional cryptids.
• Wendigo/Skinwalkers: From Native American folklore, more supernatural than typical cryptids.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If I have to read the sentence ‘He parted her lips’ one more time this month, I'm gonna need—I just need a break.”
  – Henry (05:04) [On why they needed a lighter topic]

• “There is a mixture of something that used to be there, mixed with something we want to be there—and that we put those two together with our brains and we make Bigfoot ghosts real.”
  – Henry (21:20) [Speculation on Bigfoot's enduring legend]

• “If Bigfoot’s real...that will change the entire nature of reality.”
  – Marcus (42:38) [On the implications of a true cryptid discovery]

• “Cryptids are a way into another world. It feels like you’re talking about a fun fantasy world that you want to exist.”
  – Henry (43:27) [On the hopeful, escapist side of cryptids]

• “I think people who are into cryptids, it’s more of an environmental thing than a story thing. They just want the world to be a little more magical.”
  – Marcus (44:15)

• “My instinct tells me no [Bigfoot isn’t real]...I need the evidence that we would have for every other animal that we know exists on earth, which is bones and shit.”
  – Marcus (41:13)

• “Once a creature is discovered, it is no longer a cryptid because it then becomes part of zoology.”
  – Marcus (66:07)

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Segment Guide & Timestamps

• [03:00-05:00] – The team explains why they're covering cryptids as a palate cleanser.
• [06:50] – Introduction to the Cryptids 101 theme.
• [09:00-13:00] – Local cryptids, tourism, and regional pride; cryptid-based commerce.
• [17:00-19:45] – Breakdown of key types of cryptids (Bigfoot varieties, Yeti, Chupacabra).
• [18:45-22:20] – Discussing legitimate animal discoveries mistaken for cryptids.
• [24:00-29:34] – European vs. American cryptid traditions (worms & dogs vs. amorphous beasts).
• [29:50-31:47] – Cryptids as allegories/symbols and products of the age of exploration.
• [33:44-36:06] – Bigfoot family: differences based on region, the alien/psychic theory, and pop culture representations.
• [37:50-41:13] – What kind of evidence would be convincing for cryptids—the bar is bones and scat!
• [43:27-45:20] – Comparison of cryptid belief vs. conspiracy following (e.g., QAnon vs. cryptids).
• [47:08-48:18] – Birdwatching, birding scandals, parallels to cryptid hunting.
• [49:59-54:05] – Mothman primer: story elements, uniqueness, and popular culture.
• [54:20-56:07] – Beasts of Gévaudan and how new cryptids get created.
• [57:00-58:18] – Demons, skinwalkers, and the lines between folklore, witchcraft, and cryptids.
• [60:15-61:56] – Skinwalker Ranch, cattle mutilations, and unsolved weirdness.
• [62:15-65:04] – Loch Ness, Montauk Monster, Plum Island—famous cryptids debunked and new science.
• [66:32-68:53] – Hosts’ favorite cryptids and why (Chupacabra, Pukwudgies, Melonheads).
• [71:07-73:46] – Sideshow performers, historical context for “real-life” cryptids, capitalism’s role.

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Fun Facts & Side Conversations

• The hosts affectionately roast each other (“the cold capitalist Henry Zabrowski”), and there’s frequent digression into pop-culture references (Werner Herzog, Harry and the Hendersons, DuckTales).
• There’s a running joke about dangerous local animals in Texas and Florida (“Why do you need cryptids?” – Henry, 73:06).
• Birdwatching is compared to cryptid hunting, with its own community scandals (47:08+).
• The ongoing “Donkey Lady” and “Wampus Kitty” references—local Texas cryptids—close out the episode.

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Closing Thoughts

The team concludes that belief in cryptids can fill a spot once reserved for religious awe or adventure. While scientific evidence is lacking, the stories, festivals, and personal meanings remain rich.

“Seeing the world as a little bit more special than we thought it to be...” – Marcus (72:20)

Episode Tone: Irreverent, playful, a bit wistful, sometimes skeptical but always curious.

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Best for Listeners Who...

• Love folklore, urban legends, and monster stories
• Wonder why people believe in the unexplained
• Like a blend of sincere skepticism and open curiosity
• Appreciate a humorous, tangential approach to the paranormal

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Quick Reference Table

| Segment/Topic | Timestamp | Speaker(s) | |--------------------------------------|-------------|---------------------------------| | Episode Premise & Palate Cleanser | 03:00–06:50 | All | | Local Cryptids & Commerce | 09:00–13:00 | Marcus, Henry | | Bigfoot Theories & Variants | 13:31–17:59 | All | | Why People Believe | 14:26–16:24 | All | | Real Animals as Inspiration | 22:19–23:17 | All | | Mothman & Singular Cryptids | 49:59–54:05 | Ed (questions), Marcus & Henry | | Evidence Required for Belief | 41:13–43:27 | Marcus | | Skinwalker Ranch & Cattle Mutilations| 59:22–61:56 | All | | Freak Shows & Human "Cryptids" | 68:34–70:47 | Marcus, Henry | | Best-loved Cryptids | 66:32–68:53 | All |

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Final Words

If you’re new to cryptids or a seasoned monster-myth buff, Episode 661 delivers a laugh-out-loud, thought-provoking tour through the shadows.
Hail Squonk!

Transcript

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[B]

There's no place to escape to. This is the last on the left. That's when the cannibalism started.

[A]

What was that?

[C]

Yeah, no, but it was, it was truly a wonderful time. I had a great time. But yeah, I was saying like one of the. One of my alligator buddies got bit by a crocodile.

[A]

It just shows it's real.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

No, no, this is a crocodile bite.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. Luckily it was a really small crocodile and it only ripped one tendon. So everything's gonna be okay. He's already back up. He said. They said that he went to the hospital. They pushed like the tendon inside of him. They put him in a boot and he was back at work that night. I was like, the crocodiles are gonna live. Yeah, dude, you don't gotta get right back in there. Yeah.

[A]

I think that by that point you're like, maybe we could take a break.

[C]

They've been around for millions of years,

[B]

so animal people, man, it's that badge of honor. Like they want to get hurt and then be able to go back to work like, yep, I got bit by a crock. I could work two hours.

[A]

Like, nobody cares that you're bragging.

[B]

Yeah. It's the same thing with my father. The same shit.

[A]

You're the only one who knows.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You know that, right?

[A]

You're the only person who knows that you're doing this to yourself.

[C]

Days off are allowed. There's what really, this is a workplace injury.

[A]

And you know what else is you need it. Like, you know, like friends and family and other People might know you. You might want to leave for a second.

[C]

I'm almost kind of jealous. I don't think I can get a workplace injury.

[B]

No.

[A]

Well, you can get a track.

[C]

Do I have to get to get a workplace injury here?

[A]

I know how you know how. Eddie, honestly, it's getting shot outside.

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I feel like if I'm outside, I'm fucked.

[C]

You guys have plenty of. If I'm on the sidewalk.

[B]

Yeah, if. If he's on the.

[C]

Like, that's Burbank territory.

[B]

If he's on the sidewalk, I ain't paying for shit.

[A]

No, of course. No, no, no. But all you'll hear is, like, Mr. Lawson. That's how you know it's coming. And the man shoots you through his trench coat. Please do it on property. Just drag my body over there.

[B]

Welcome to Lost Podcast.

[C]

On the left.

[B]

Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Marcus Sparks. I'm here with Henry Zabrowski, the cold capitalist Henry Zabrowski.

[A]

Yes. All I think about is exceptionalism everywhere I go. As you can tell, obviously, because I flipped our humble little network here into an absolutely massive business empire.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah. We're rolling in it.

[A]

How does someone make this money?

[B]

We have the man who wants to eat himself out of a job but has the strength to not do it. It's Ed Larson.

[C]

That's right. I want to thank Mark here from Alaska. Help sending me all these canned fish.

[A]

You know what's really great about getting all the.

[C]

Me get sick. If I eat this and get sick. Is that a workplace hazard?

[B]

No.

[A]

If I didn't ask, would it have been. Yeah, it's a marketplace hazard. See this? A. Thank you. Sending this to Alaska before we went. We're going to Alaska in the morning. Tomorrow. I'm going to Alaska. But this will allow me to remember Alaska when we're home.

[C]

You know what would be great is I'm actually just going to put all of this in my backpack and then pretend like I bought it for Julie.

[B]

I probably. I brought you seven jars of fish.

[A]

Guess what? You know what, wives. If there's one thing I know wives love is jars of smoked fish. They love it. Ladies can't get enough of. They love the smell of it.

[C]

It really looking at this, it really does make it hard for me to not open it right now and eat it. But I won't.

[A]

It will devastate this room.

[C]

Yeah. It'll deficit probably upstairs as well.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Very much so.

[A]

100% full disclosure, total transparency here at LPN.

[C]

We love disclosure here. At LPN.

[A]

Yes. I love that film. Demi Moore. Now I want to be clear with you that we had a series that we were just about to do. We had a two episode series. We're going to do. We're going to do it still eventually.

[B]

We're definitely going to do it.

[A]

I mean I.

[B]

Right now I'm looking at my laptop and I certainly have tabs open for synonym psychotic and synonym unpredictability.

[A]

Great. That's a little hint. And another little hint is, is that we just spent three weeks going. Probably some of the most harrowing material I've read since we did Mengele. And so now that we, we went through Jimmy Savile and then with this next series that we were gonna do, as we popped the hood on it, we realized how much molesting was happening in it.

[B]

A lot. In fact it was. Most of the first episode was gonna be dedicated to that cause it is incredibly important to the story. It is a motivation, it is a, it's a big part of it.

[C]

Spoiler alert.

[B]

And I wrot know like 14 pages on it.

[A]

But then Eddie, we sat there and we were looking and I sat Mark Marcus and I looked at each other in the face and I was like, if I see. If I have to read the sentence. He parted her lips one more time this month, I'm gonna need. I just need a break. I just need a break.

[B]

So Tuesday was the closest I came to buying a pack of cigarettes in probably 10 years.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Honestly. And I. I've been there with you.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. No, I pulled into the gas station. I was about to get out of the car and then I pulled away again.

[C]

Oh, that's nice.

[B]

I said no.

[C]

You get gas?

[B]

No, I did not. No. I didn't want to even expense because then I'm going to sit there too. Couldn't afford it. Not at that moment. Couldn't afford the gas.

[A]

But due to this change, this is a little bit of a gap stop. We have another series coming right after this. I'm going to lead a series and we also have a. We have another massive series that's coming. I just wanted to like figure this be a good time for us to have a silly little talk about Cryptids. Yeah, just a palate cleanser.

[B]

Yeah, pal. Cleanse the pallet for us. Cleanse the palate for the fans. Yeah, we, we really, we needed it,

[C]

you know, and I got to feel like if we're going to talk about one thing on this show, encrypted seem to be like a big thing. In our community, everywhere I go, like, people always got the Mothman shirts on. We got the Mothman. The butterfly dude. Coffee. Thank you.

[B]

Go buy Spring Hill Jack coffee. It's still wonderful.

[A]

Yeah, that's what this episode's really about.

[C]

I got my little squonk here, but since I've been a part of the show almost three years now, we' only done one Crypted episode.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I find interesting is that you entered into this after we've done so much of the silly stuff. And it does really feel like, because the world is currently not super silly and it has not been super silly for a minute, that it does kind of feel like when we were talking about Cryptids, we were like, we didn't quite know how to do it with enough meat.

[B]

Yeah, well, it's like, you know, think about it. Like, like, like movies, you know, like, there's not a whole lot of silly 70s movies. It's not. It's not. It's decade for silly movies. It's not. I wouldn't.

[A]

Why have I brought it up twice?

[B]

Yeah, you've really brought that up twice.

[A]

Why is Putney Swope on the top of my mind?

[B]

I have no idea.

[A]

I don't even know what Robert Downey Senior's parody of the advertising company.

[C]

Oh, okay. I watch that.

[B]

Yeah, no, it's. It's got a great soundtrack, too. Fantastic soundtrack. I don't know why you keep a. I don't know. I don't know.

[C]

Maybe you need to get this out of your. Your system and just watch it over.

[A]

I had seen it not that long ago. About a year ago. Yeah.

[C]

Oh, really? So shut up about it. Yeah,

[B]

Ye. Yeah, yeah, but. And I think that is where we're at right now. Of course, you know, things are. We're in a darker time, so what we're covering is going to be a little bit darker, and it's. It is hard to find a good angle on Cryptids that's going to satisfy us and it's not going to feel stupid. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

You know, because, like, the Squonk, right.

[C]

He's my boy. He's my favorite Cryptid. He's the only one I learned about. But it was in that episode.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

Yes. That we did.

[A]

But it's an example of a. Which now just kind of become like. And I'm not. Nothing to besmirch the Squonk people. Because we met the people that run Squank a Palooza.

[C]

Yes. Yeah.

[A]

Like, you know, we know. It's a whole thing. We Know now that these little kind of. Kind of, I would say, almost proprietary cryptids are used to kind of prop up local economies.

[B]

I'd call them cottage cryptids.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, it's like. It's like there's so many of these, like, little cryptids that, you know, towns will build festivals around, like, Squankapalooza.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because Squonk is certain other places will get way too protective over their cryptids.

[A]

Oh, and then sue you and come at you and then pretend that they can own an entire cryptid, which is a thought form.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

You are just making up. You know what I mean? It's kind of interesting that you're. Yeah.

[C]

So the Mothman people, they came at. They came at us for the coffee.

[A]

They.

[C]

So did they create, like, the myth of Mothman? Are we supposed to say that Mothman isn't real because they own it? We can talk about his Mothman real and is their slave.

[B]

No.

[A]

That is a bit of a slander.

[B]

He's asking questions and I'm refusing to answer.

[A]

Yes, I can think it. Legally, we could say. What they believe is that the company that came for us on our coffee believed. Well, they were the first ones to name a coffee Mothman Coffee. And then they decided.

[C]

That actually makes sense to me.

[A]

Yes. Sure, sure.

[B]

There's a. There's a reason why the new copy

[A]

added all this art to it. Look what they did, Marcus. They had none of that before. It just said Mothman coffee before. And now it's got a red eyes on it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And a couple of people from the 1920s.

[B]

Flappers.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. But then they added the red eye thing recently.

[B]

Yeah, well, I guess.

[A]

But honestly, good on them. I don't mind it.

[B]

It's fine to take it.

[A]

Please take the ideas.

[B]

It's fine.

[A]

We lost the ca.

[B]

We lost the case, you know, And I love butter. Butterfly, dude.

[A]

I love butterfly, dude. Coffee. It's better coffee.

[B]

It's great coffee.

[C]

It is. Yeah. It's much better. Ever since we dropped the Mothman thing, there was something gross about that. Now, butterflies.

[A]

Beautiful.

[C]

You know, moths. You know, I always think of Silence of the Lambs. Butterflies. I'm thinking of coffee. They're gonna wake it up. Thinking of the morning. Thinking of Good Times, Spring Hill, Jack.

[B]

Coffee. When you want to wake up in the morning and think of something nice.

[A]

Something nice. Nice.

[C]

All right, so here's. Here's the deal with me. Encrypted. I don't really know much about it. You know, a big fan of Harry and the Hendersons, Sure.

[A]

Which is actually kind of got. It does have some true things in it. Like the hunter in the Harry and the Andersons is based off a real big guy. The French guy.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

He's based off a real Bigfoot hunter. There was some real research done in that.

[C]

Hell, yeah. That's great.

[B]

I said.

[C]

And I've seen Incident at Loch Ness, the Werner Herzog comedy, which is great, by the way. I really do like that movie.

[A]

Have you ever seen that?

[B]

I've never seen it. The only Hertzog comedy I've seen is Even Dwarves Started Small, which is incredible.

[C]

I never seen that one.

[B]

Very dark.

[A]

It's.

[B]

It's a. It's a strange, very strange movie where it's a bunch of little people on an island and it seems like the world has ended. It's the movie where it's. You ever seen that clip that I got obsessed with a few years ago where it's the little person laughing at a camel for, like three minutes straight? He's just sitting there going, because the camel's chewing. And he finds it very, very entertaining.

[C]

Hey, I mean, different strokes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There's a motorcycle in it. It's a Herzog comedy. It's very, very bizarre.

[A]

But Incident, Loch Ness is a mockumentary that he made.

[C]

That's pretty great.

[B]

All right.

[A]

It's very goofy.

[C]

It's not his movie. It's. He's just. He's starring in it. Yeah, he's just starring in it. Oh, is this.

[A]

There's a little guy is a little.

[C]

Kind of.

[A]

There's my tiny maniac laughing at the camel.

[C]

Yeah, he does find it hilarious.

[A]

He got the tiny maniac.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, no. This movie is nothing but tiny maniacs. In fact, that's the whole point of the movie is, you know, a tiny maniac society. And what do tiny maniacs do if they are given their own soc.

[A]

Oh, yeah. They laugh at camels all day.

[C]

It looks like it has broken him completely as a. In a mind melt.

[B]

He does have a coughing fit at one point. And you think he might die because he is quite old.

[A]

Well, you know, he's smoking. Yeah, yeah. Because he's trying to relax.

[C]

So. But the thing with Cryptids is, you know, like, I never really got obsessed with them. Like, like a lot of people do. You know, I. I think, like you were saying, like, certain towns, they. They take on Cryptids to sell merch, and I love merch. So I think, yeah, a big merch guy, you know, I think it's unbelievable. And so I want These towns to make their money. But it feels like sometimes they just claim that Bigfoot's from there and there's. He's not.

[A]

Well, Bigfoot is got like there's so many places that claim him between the Pacific Northwest.

[C]

That makes sense to me. When I look at the. The trees around Portland, I'm like, that make Bigfoot could be in there.

[A]

Well, there's so many different stories around Bigfoot and types of Bigfoot and then a lot of different, you know, Native American groups have like indigenous groups have stories about the man of the mountain and guys walking around. And there's all know that there's many different types of what you'd call Bigfoots.

[B]

Just off the top of my head, you know this Bigfoot, Sasquatch, skunk, ape, the folk monster. That's the Arkansas Bigfoot. Yeah, dad, you know, I can just.

[C]

Yeti, Abominable Snowman.

[B]

Sure.

[C]

Yeah. They're in. They're in the same. Same category, right?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. But large hairy humanoids.

[A]

Yeah. Yes.

[C]

And so it just always seemed like something that could really. When people get obsessed with these things, it just seems like something you could like, like lead to like a serious psychosis.

[A]

Well, I think people want life to be more than it is.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I think that Cryptids are a great kind of almost like loophole in between aliens and ghosts and stuff like that, where you can ostensibly believe that a cryptid would be based upon some strange physical animal, like something that's around.

[C]

And I love animals.

[A]

Yes. And I think that's why it would make sense that you would like Cryptids because they are legitimately like you, if you wanted to get into Cryptids, that they are Care Bears.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? It's all these different types of people making up things after seeing a weird shadow and then kind of putting them all together or needing other reasons. Like one of my favorite alt theories about the Mothman was that he was entirely fabricated by the mafia families of New Jersey that were. That had wheat fields in West Virginia. And they created a fake story for people to not want to go into the weed fields. So there is like a story there which. That kind of makes sense. Me got tracks.

[C]

And the moonshine too.

[A]

Oh, yeah. And people getting like sick on moonshine. On bad moonshine.

[C]

But that's why they don't. They wanted people to be scared of those woods.

[A]

I get it. And they make sense.

[B]

Yeah. And there's. I mean, people losing their minds on it. There's this incredible storyline in Department of Truth which Is that, you know, it's about a Bigfoot hunter losing his. A guy who sees a Bigfoot and then spends his entire life looking for it again. And it's all told through letters to his son. And it's, it's incredible.

[C]

I remember reading it. It was very depressing.

[B]

It's very depressing, but it's. I think it's one of the best comic book storylines the last few years.

[C]

Oh, it truly was unbelievable to me. Like, Cryptids are on like par with the Mandela effect is. I think a lot of people who get obsessed with Cryptids and proving that they're real are just like in, like, are people who get obsessed with the Mandela effect. It's like instead of just admitting that you were mistaken, you'll go through all these legs.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You'll go through all these crazy legs to prove that it wasn't a hairless bear.

[A]

But look at where we're at, honestly, even politically now. It's a, it's a, it's a way people's brains work. You have to create a way, no matter what. You have to kind of validate yourself. I think, like walking around, you have to validate your reality.

[B]

And I think that you have to validate your actions.

[A]

Yes. And you figure out why you, why you are the way you are.

[B]

And a lot of cryptid stories usually, like, they start from usually one insane night. Like, especially like the groupings, like when you talk about like the, the, what do you call it? The melon headed kid. Like the melon heads.

[A]

What was it? The. Oh, the best ones.

[B]

Yeah, I think it was melon headed kids or the melon headed boys. It basically, you get like a family or a group of people that are isolated for a single night and they imagine that they're being attacked. Attacked by a group or of puckies.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

They imagine they're attacked by a group of. Or a single animal. And so they spend all night usually firing guns and then they have to explain that behavior later. Yeah. And it's a lot easier to say, like, oh, well, there was, it was a Bigfoot, it was a monster. It was something I didn't know rather than just like, I got really paranoid and my family got really paranoid and we created something out of nothing. Yeah.

[A]

Also I think a lot of this.

[B]

That's embarrassing.

[A]

It is. And I think a lot of it also is attached to what we'd call like a pan theory about the, the entire quote unquote capital P phenomena where like, people would also do the. I believe some people see Aliens. Some people see angels, some people see ghosts, some people see the Dover demon.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they're all the same. Same. They're like all the same thing. And that you are hallucinations or is it. Is it is a hallucination fake if it's in front of you? You know, I mean, like it's the idea of you're creating something that's kind of coming.

[C]

It is an illusion makes it fake.

[A]

But yeah, unless he's physically standing in front of you.

[C]

Well, then it's not that. If it's a hallucination, then it's not standing in front of you.

[B]

Yeah, it's not physically standing in front

[A]

of you, which is how powerful the reality is.

[C]

Well, how would you categorize Cryptids? Is it like, like documentary, sci fi, fantasy, horror comedy? Like, what is it?

[B]

I usually it would be sci fi and with a little bit of. With horror, you know, mixed into it. You can. I think any Cryptid can be a horror story. Like the. Was it the Max Brooks book de Evolution? It was. It's the same author as World War Z and Mel Brooks's son, by the way. Oh, okay. Yeah. Incredible horror novel. But he wrote it through like blog posts of, or diary entries of a woman who gets stuck on a mountain outside of Portland, I think during a volcanic eruption. And the volcanic eruption causes like all the Bigfoots in the area to kind of descend on their location. It's incredible. It's really cool. But that is. That was a horror story because, you know, they were attacked by the Bigfoots, but then you get Harry and the Hendersons. That's comedy.

[C]

Yeah, you just want to play with of them. It's family movie.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. But you, but there are others that wouldn't, you know, like, you can't really make the Jersey Devil necessarily anything other than horror. It's hard to make that other than horror.

[A]

That's just an evil thing. Like, it's just a. Just a. It's a uncertain presence. It's a thing that you're looking at. You don't know why it's there. And I think that's a part of the idea. It's. You're seeing something that's completely alien to your understanding of your world and it's threatening.

[B]

You know, usually that. Usually they're threatening, you know, but like, but Chupacabra, like Chupacabra, really, isn't that that threatening?

[C]

It just eats chickens and go goat.

[B]

I mean, that's what Chupacabra means, is goat sucker. Oh, okay. But there's also different. There's different types. There's the Puerto Rican chupacabra. There's the Texan chupacabra, which are two entirely different species or like, species. But they're considered like. The Puerto Rican chupacabra is a little more lizard like. And the Texas.

[A]

And they have the parade.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You know, it's just like the Puerto Rican just has a horn.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Inside its chest that it can just honk, honk, honk.

[C]

And the Texas one just has guns on its head.

[B]

The Texas one is a dog with mange. Yeah. That's what it is. It's always. It's almost always a dog with mange.

[C]

Are there any cryptids that you guys believe in?

[A]

The only one that I ever come close to still to this day is Bigfoot, only just because every single culture that Especially the United States of America, like in North America specifically, has a story of the. This type of thing. But I personally believe it's not. Not anything a hundred percent physical.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I believe that there is a mixture of something that used to be there mixed with something that we want to be there, and that we put those two together with our brains and that we make Bigfoot ghosts real.

[B]

Possibly.

[A]

That's what I believe. I believe Bigfoot. I believe in Bigfoot. Ghost ghosts.

[B]

Bigfoot might also be a tie. A man in a time travel suit.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's also. That's one of the things that people say about Bigfoot.

[A]

Well, then also that he's an truly. When you get enlightened.

[B]

Psychic Bigfoot. Yes.

[A]

That the idea is that you go through, like, the Himalayan Bigfoot stories are all kind of this idea of, like, once you shuffle off this existence through enlightenment, you transform into this other thing. Thing. And so they are considered to be wise and they have, like. And that's the reason why they were not entirely corporeal, and it's the reason why they hide is because they know that we are all corrupt.

[B]

But the. The what? Cryptozoologists. That there are certain examples that they point to when they have to kind of justify their existence. They point towards, like, the giant squid. They say, like, no one. Like, giant squid's real. Yeah, giant squid's real. Like, for years, the giant squid was just a legend.

[A]

Duck Bill platypus.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Like, thunderbirds are probably kind of real.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah, possibly. And there are very possibly, like, massive, gigantic birds that existed in the recent past. There are probably. You know, there are certain animals that were just about extinct by the time we started Writing shit down. Yeah. And. And also by the time we, like humanity, started to explore every nook and cranny of the earth, like, we got to remember it's fairly recent. Yeah. That not just humans explored every nook and cranny, but also that human. Humans have all have the ability to all talk to each other and to all gather up all of the knowledge.

[A]

Coalesce. Information.

[B]

Yeah. To have all of the knowledge that we have worldwide in one place, that's what, 15 years old. Something like that. And that is throughout the whole of human history that for just the last 15 years, do we have all of our knowledge in one place.

[A]

I also believe that there's a lot more roving troops of evil little people than we want to talk about. About. I think that little people. If I were them, if I was a true little person, I would get together with my other little people friends and I would dress in scary outfits in the night, and I would use that presence and that shock factor in order to scare little neighborhoods.

[C]

Or you get a job.

[A]

That's a job. And then I'd hire you. I am gonna. I'm looking for my own tiny Maniac.

[B]

We.

[A]

We know, but they won't. The problem, a lot of them is they die early and they have a lot of bad opinions. And most of them in America, they. They do. Yeah. They just end up kind of. I think they just. They don't come out right.

[C]

I think we. You need your own island of Dr. Moreau.

[A]

I really do. I really do.

[B]

Because the problem with that is Maniac is that once someone's a maniac, whether they're tiny, large, normal size, skinny, fat, it's like, I mean, fat Maniac is going to be bad. Skinny Maniac is going to be bad.

[A]

Tiny Maniac, pick up. Just like my. That's why Carmi's okay. That's why I don't have to train Kermy. I can just pick her up. Tiny Maniac. You just scoop her up. You can just go and you hold up and go. You put him in air jail. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, you do.

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[C]

So you guys ever hear of hypertrichosis?

[A]

That's being super hairy.

[C]

Yeah. Do you think that that could have something to do with Bigfoot? Like someone was super hairy and they ran into the woods and someone saw him one day?

[B]

Definitely, yeah. I mean, well, yeah, you've seen Jojo the dog face boy, right?

[C]

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[B]

Yeah. There are. Whenever we've talked about Bigfoot in the past, there's. We are. There's always the stories of the wild man of the forest.

[A]

Yeah, the wild man of the wood. The wise man. Man on the mountain. Mountain.

[B]

But not even. I'm not even talking about the wise man. I'm talking about the wild man. And usually like that's, that's a big American thing where I think at certain points they did just sorta let guys go.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

When you didn't. When they didn't. If a guy was very large and also, you know, may have, you know, had some sort of condition. Like the hypertrichonosis is. Hypertrichonosis, right? Yes, yeah, yeah. Like hypertrichonosis. If he was not useful, I think in many places, like say, Arkansas, I think they just sort of left him in the woods at a young age. And some of these guys did survive. I mean, they survived because humans survive. They become feral. And so you have a very hairy, very large man who only knows how to go. Yeah. And that, I think is where some Bigfoot legends in America begin, you know,

[A]

and then America's huge. Yes.

[B]

It's, you know, so big. Like, like I recently saw, like, Alaska being put over the whole of America and it's over half of our country. Yes. Like, that's like, it's, that's the size

[A]

of just Alaska and unincorporated America. Like, I do think there was a lot more people living between the lines, like in the United States of America. But when we were expanding west, like, people were just us going out there and just living. So I could see there being guys just like in a hut in the swamp that sees you coming in with your family and he's like, oh, I'm gonna get their food. I'm gonna get their food. And that's what he does. And all of a sudden you have a whole, like, legend built because the man with hypertrichonosis who was given up by his family, who now lives alone in the middle of the swamp, steals your food in the middle of the night.

[B]

Like a Yogi Bear. Yes. Yes. Yeah, that's what they essentially become.

[A]

Come. Yes. But I was looking right up here, I was trying to find, you know, I find interesting in Europe, Cryptids are very different in which they use. Like in America, we have a lot of amorphous animals and, and blobs, squonks, hodads. We don't know what the Jersey Devil is. The Dover demon kind of looks like a thing flat with monster to look like nothing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Europe, it's all worms and dogs.

[B]

Yeah, worms. Well, that. No, worms are a big thing. There's also like cat too.

[A]

Yes, they had the one big. Yes, the fan that, that the phantom cat or whatever.

[B]

Yeah, well, it's, there's a. Well, there's always this when you're looking into these sorts of things that there's a difference between Cryptids and legends. Yeah. Like Europe especially. And it's like Scotland is big on legends, you know, legendary creatures.

[C]

So, like, a dragon's not a cryptid.

[B]

No dragons. Well, some people do consider a dragon a cryptid.

[A]

I think if you think a dragon's a cryptid, you're. You might be kind of stupid. It is. A dragon is a character in a fantasy thing. Like, it's a made up thing.

[C]

But then why was it in every culture, why was like, why were dragons like in China? Why were.

[A]

And also probably because they saw a dinosaur skull.

[B]

Yeah, that's. That is one of the big theories is that they, they dug up a dinosaur skull somehow and you know, extrapolated from there of like, like what does this creature look like, you know, like, just by seeing the big skull, like. Okay, well, let's extrapolate from here. You know, dragons, you know, so on and so forth, you know, because the. Is that the big dragon in Europe is St. George?

[A]

Well, yeah, it was the one. The one that he killed the dragon.

[B]

Yeah. Killed the dragon. But, yeah, dragons do exist across cultures. But, yeah, it probably. It's theorized that it's most likely dinosaur bones.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Or I also think there's a symbolic edge. If you look at old maps, like, so the idea that all of these things were. That the ocean was filled with things that were going to destroy you. They were filled with monsters and mermaids and things that were going to destroy you. And I think partially it's because the unknown is weak conjecture. A lot of stuff out onto the unknown. Right. In order of just the first being, like. Because, like, with having to convince a guy to give you a bunch of money to get in a boat and just go west. Right. Requires some kind of pitch.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It requires like a thing of, like, like, we're here, we're going to handle the sea monsters, we're going to go out there and it kind of gives you something to push against. I also think that the monsters symbolize you staying home, though. That's the scary outside world. This is your home. When you leave here, you go out into this other place. This is a. So here is actually where you're safe.

[B]

Even on, like, the old maps, they used to write, here there be monsters, you know, beyond. You know, the map, beyond the edges of the map mapped to keep people close.

[A]

I also think the dragons are a poetic device quite often. They're used to kind of symbolize conflict and. And they're supposed to be like. They're used a lot in Christian symbolism and they're used in a bunch of different places where they're used as kind of like, literally just kind of imagery of. Of hassles.

[B]

Yeah. And I also think that, like, legends and things like this are legends and cryptids and such as part of a product of the age of exploration, you know, a time when Europeans discovery, Chinese.

[A]

Like.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Well, it's like, if. If you look. I love drawings of like, say, like lions. Like a guy who saw a lion once and then tried to draw it two years later, and then everyone thought like, oh, that's what lions look like. And it always looks stupid. It always looks insane. It doesn't look anything like a lion. And you saw that over and over again. And especially, you know, when they started exploring Africa, when they started exploring the Americas, and they're seeing all of these animals there that are nothing like anything that they've seen before, or they might be, like, slightly different versions of things that they've seen before. And I think the imagination. You know, people's imagination just runs wild.

[C]

Yeah. In Florida, they tell us that mermaids were manatees.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's just been like, how horny are these sailors?

[C]

They saw manatee, and they're like, let's find a hole.

[A]

There ain't no hole.

[C]

I'll make.

[A]

I'll make one inside of it.

[B]

Yeah. That Rob just brought up a. A picture. An old picture of a lion and the. All. The. The lion has a beard and a giant tongue that's sticking out.

[C]

Yeah. He's got a man's face.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

For sure.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. They almost always have a man's face. But you also got to remember this is a time when, back in the day with art, it really cannot be overstated how much abundance has an effect on art, because that guy only had enough materials to draw that line once.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, like, he could not. Like, he couldn't practice it over and over and over again. He couldn't just go out and buy new pencils. Like, he had a very lim.

[A]

He had very little blue. I drew the lion already.

[C]

They're like, I think there could be.

[A]

I have some notes. And he's just like, I drew the lion already. Yeah.

[C]

So, going back. I want to go back to Bigfoot because I had some more questions about that. What is the difference between a Bigfoot and a yeti in an abominal swim? Man, where they're from, the location.

[A]

It's all location and white.

[C]

Right. And the snowmen are white.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

They blend in with that.

[B]

Yeah. Bigfoot's like. Yeah.

[A]

That's how they've been depicted in cartoons, but not necessarily how they're depicted in reality.

[B]

You know what I watched recently? Recently? The. The Yeti ducktales episode. Y' all remember that one?

[A]

No.

[B]

There's a. There's a fee. It's a horny female yeti that spends almost the entire episode trying to Scrooge McDuck.

[A]

Interesting. No one tries to him.

[C]

You figure he would settle.

[B]

Yeah. Well, Goldie. You know, Scrooge has a girlfriend. Goldie? Yeah. He met her during the gold rush in the Klondike.

[C]

Oh, I don't remember.

[B]

Well, I'm a big.

[C]

You're a big ducktails.

[B]

I'm a big. Well, I'm just a Big duck. I'm just a big duck man in general. I'm a big Donald Duck. Gu of them big Scrooge McDuck guys. Scrooge McDuck specifically. Yeah. But, yeah, the. The yeti. No, that's. That's the new one, Rob. That one. Yeah, it's a. It's.

[A]

Oh, she does have a girlfriend.

[B]

Yeah, it's a sexy, sexy yeti that makes sexy noises throughout, like.

[A]

So it's Jackie.

[B]

Yeah, it's your sister.

[C]

It's your.

[B]

It's your sister. But yeah, Yeti and Abominable Snowman are the same. It's the. It's two different words for the same thing. It's like Bigfoot and Sasquatch. Sasquatch.

[A]

Yeah, just different. Different locals, different styles.

[C]

Gotcha. Yeah, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. So I've heard Bigfoot's an alien.

[A]

That's one Possible.

[C]

Possible.

[A]

Sure.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Why not?

[C]

I guess it looks like Chewbacca.

[A]

Well, you know, to the idea that he is some form of, like, you know, I. When you go deep into UFO lore, these things always pop up. Like, there's always, like. How many times I've read in an abduction scenario where a guy says, it was me, and I was there, and there was like. There was like three grays, there was a tall white, and then there was a little blue guy, and there was a Bigfoot there. And they. They always kind of talk like this.

[C]

So are there hairy aliens?

[A]

No, I mean, I don't know.

[C]

I've never heard of a hairy alien.

[B]

If we go from the. Yeah, I guess we call like the standard alien roster. You know, like the. You know, if you're talking like Pleiadians and so on.

[A]

Well, they're. They're light beings. Yeah, you got the. The tall whites that have just long hair.

[B]

I don't think there's any, like, hair covered alien.

[A]

But that's just. That's limiting to this ide. That of. Oh, well, David Huggins.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is what I'm talking about is that David Huggins has done several of these. He wrote this concept of watching a beam of light coming down and then dropping a Bigfoot there.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And that's happened a lot. Like, you know, when we did the. The UFO Bigfoot flap of. I believe it was right outside of Pittsburgh.

[B]

Yeah, it's a pencil. The Pennsylvania bigfoot flap of 1973.

[A]

Yes. And they were all put together in one big thing. Bigfoot and UFOs are seen together a lot.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I don't know that.

[B]

True. The Often Bigfoot sightings are followed by UFO flaps or. Or vice versa.

[C]

Well we just had all those Bigfoot sightings in Ohio right after those comets were flying right over.

[A]

It was very interesting. But also find out those guys. We found those guys that were following all the Bigfoot stuff. They were kind of attaching real Christian iconography to it. They were legitimately talk about Bigfoot as the. The progeny of Cain. That they are a. They're walking around with Jesus's secret. Like that's kind of a thing too. There's a little bit of more Bigfoots are showing up.

[C]

Was into confession.

[A]

No, he was that. That was not Jesus. That was all the horny men after that. Oh goodness. The that like Bigfoot might be assigned to some of these people that the end times are coming and Jesus is going to come back.

[B]

But those people are also the types who are looking for any sort of sign of the end times or cuz they want the end times so badly.

[C]

Oh yeah.

[A]

Yeah. They either they literally thought Mike Huck could be doing the baseline at is like you. He was doing that for Betanya who's fucking birthday party or whatever. They're like that's what we've been looking

[C]

for by the world.

[A]

I knew the Bible would say what happens.

[C]

Yeah did I heard Teddy Roosevelt thinks he saw a Bigfoot.

[B]

Teddy Roosevelt had an incredible like conservation career. Like that was. His whole thing was hunting and conservation. Like he wanted to. He wanted to protect nature.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

He kind of started national parks.

[B]

Absolutely.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. There is a story y. I'm remembering it where he wanted to kill it because well that was the thing with Teddy Roosevelt is that like he wanted to conserve it. He wanted to conserve everything like every animal. But he wanted to kill it first.

[A]

This is a great little section on this.

[B]

I had no idea because Teddy Roosevelt was an incredibly violent man. Yes. He kept it under control most of the time. But the whole reason why he went to Cuba and you know the Rough Riders and all that is like he wanted to kill a man.

[A]

He was originally boy.

[B]

Yeah. He was. He was a rich boy. I like all the Roosevelt were his.

[C]

His even his like biggest catchphrase. Walk softly but carry a big stick.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well the my favorite line from his get action. That's what he wrote when he was a kid. He's like that's what he wants. Get action. Because Teddy Roosevelt also in my opinion had extreme undiagnosed adhd. Well yeah.

[A]

That's why he made the Rough Riders.

[B]

Partly.

[A]

Yeah. Wow.

[B]

Yeah. Because because if you look, he had had extreme hyper focuses like you know, conservation, hunting, Navy. Did you know that Teddy Roosevelt was a naval historian before he held any public office at all. He wrote like this four volume history of the United States Navy that was taught in schools for decades, you know, long, a very long time.

[A]

What a horrendous waste of time.

[B]

And he also.

[A]

They said you had more time back then. It's true.

[B]

If you look at pictures of Teddy Roosevelt, he's always got his hand into a fist. They said that he was like a coiled st snake that was always looking for something to do.

[A]

Always.

[C]

My favorite is he got shot in the middle of a speech, then finished the speech.

[A]

Yeah, he was the original clout master.

[B]

Yeah, he.

[A]

I love this cuz he called it a goblin story.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I once listened to a goblin story which rather impressed me. Result, weather beaten old mountain hunter by the name of Bman moved b and had passed all his life on the farm town. Because he did have a high lifting voice.

[B]

He had a very high pitched voice.

[C]

So Henry said he would be willing to believe in Bigfoot. How about you, Marcus?

[B]

My instinct tells me no.

[C]

What would it take?

[B]

What would it take? Scat. Like, like actual. Yeah, like, like it would take bones. Scat thing.

[C]

We've never found bones.

[B]

Yeah, because they disappear.

[C]

That's the hardest part.

[A]

They literally go back to heaven.

[B]

Because if you, if you start getting into the, the world of like Bigfoot hunters specifically, and we talked about this many, many, many years ago, if you get into Bigfoot, get ready to read about dermal ridges constantly. Because that's what these guys always point towards when they. Because the only thing we've ever found with Bigfoot or ostensibly is footprints.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so they always, they, they, they talk about it's always like one footprint. Yeah, it's like one foot.

[C]

It doesn't make any sense to me.

[B]

It doesn't make any sense at all. And they'd say like if you look at the derma you can see that this is actually. If it was a biological creature then you could see that this would have.

[A]

And it must be at least £400.

[B]

At least. Yeah, they do that over and over again. But yeah, it would take like I don't need a picture, I don't need a video. I need the evidence that we would have for every other animal that we know exists on earth, which is bones and shit.

[A]

Well, because the main issue is that we're also saying, saying like where do they eat? You know like a large 450 pound animal. A pack of 450 pound, eight foot animals are gonna eat a lot of food.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Where's all the examples of the food that they're eating? Where's all the. Where's all the ones cleared out?

[C]

Like we've seen starving bears like, like search for into the middle of the ocean even.

[A]

You would see the trees cleared out, right. You'd see an area, you'd see a bunch. Like, you'd see more of that. You'd see more like, oh, they must all get together and feed. Or they all do this thing. They e thing you could tell that they're going through the woods.

[B]

The migration area for a pack of sasquatches would be massive. Yeah. Like we would see you. We would know about the migration of the bigfoots from one location to the other. There's no way that they could just stay in one location.

[A]

And then I. What I view is, unfortunately, and I'm saying it's my solution, but I also understand that it's a cop out to many people. But that's why I believe, believe we're seeing something. When people are doing and talking about cryptids, we're talking about something past an animal, past an idea of it. And I honestly don't think that everybody's lying.

[B]

If, like, my opinion is that if cryptids are. If Bigfoot's real, the Jersey Devil's real, if, if chupacabras are real, then that will change the entire nature of reality. Like the way we see reality, the way we experience it, the way we think we. The way we think reality works as far as dimensions and so on and so forth, it's completely different from what we think. So that's kind of what it would take. It's like, okay, show me, like, prove m theory to me. You know, prove that there's. That we can. That creatures can cross dimensions, that biological entities can cross dimensions. Prove that and then maybe we can talk about bigfoot. But until then, it's a nice idea. It's a fun, fun idea. Like, they're very fun. Like, cryptids are very fun. It's a very fun idea.

[A]

That's kind of why we wanted to talk about us, because it's something nice. It feels very hopeful. I think people love cryptids because it is this. It is a way into another world. It feels like you're. You're talking about like a fun fantasy world that you want to exist. Yeah. Much like how. But I also feel like it's the same people that actually follow Q. Right. It's the same thing where it's like that's. That's all they're really looking for is something that's past them, you know, something that is. Makes them feel like life is a little bit more exciting, a little bit more involved. But I feel like more people need to know that's fucking all in here. Center of our brains.

[B]

I think the difference between Cryptid believers and Q believers is that I think Q believers are looking for a narrative to life like, that they're. And they're looking to be a part of a narrative and a part of a story and a part of a

[A]

game, and they can join.

[C]

And they're also looking for a reason why their lives are so bad.

[B]

Of course, that's. That's also. Well, that's the base motivation for looking for that narrative, for looking for that story. And it also. It's a lot like we're. We're all so, you know, brained into entertain, you know, wanting to be a part of entertainment. You know, Q was the perfect. It was the perfect entry point for that. I think people who are into Cryptids, that are really into Cryptids, it's more of an environmental thing rather than a story thing. Like, they just want the world in general to be a little bit more magical. Magical than it. It actually is, or that we actually know it to be. I wouldn't say that it actually is, but as. As we know it to be, they want to be a little bit more magical. Like they. They want to be able to go out into a forest and, you know, maybe something will happen. Yeah, maybe. Maybe something will happen. Maybe there's more to this world than we see. And, And I do understand. I. I now see as a man who is now 43 years old, I see why most Cryptid hunters are older. Oh, I see why. I see why they're in their, like,

[A]

40s retirement times, too.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. But because I.

[C]

We've also accomplished very little in your life. You're trying to, like, find that one thing that's going to make you break you.

[B]

There are some Cryptid hunters that are incredibly successful people that have spent their. Their entire.

[A]

Gave up their actual careers to do it.

[B]

Yeah. Gave up their careers. Because I think as you get older, older, you sort of kind of look around at the world and you really. You. You have so much experience being in the world that you. You see, like, all right, this is all there is. And I think some people might replace religion with Cryptids.

[A]

It's literally exactly what I was like, it sounds like you go to look for God, you don't find God.

[B]

No.

[A]

And so what you want to do is have everything, a thing that you can aspire to that's bigger than you. And Bigfoot's right there.

[B]

Yeah. And it's here on Earth and. And there's here. And there's a possibility that you might see it without having to die, you know, because none of us want to die. So if you. If Bigfoot is real, if Chupacabra is

[C]

real, you already like spending time in the woods.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's. And that. And that also might be, you know, a part of it as well, is that it just. You love spending time in the woods, you love exploring, and this just sort of gives you. You a goal. It gives you something to do out there.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Because you're not going to hunt.

[B]

Yeah. Because you're not going to. Exactly. Because you're not going to hunt. That's the thing, is that very, very few Cryptid hunters are actual hunters.

[A]

Well, they don't want to kill it.

[B]

Yeah. Well, actually, I read a little, you know, back and forth of that the other day. Someone asking, like, is there a way to hunt without killing something, without hurting something? Because I want the sport, but I don't want the, you know, I don't want to hurt anything. Like. Yeah, it's called wildlife photography. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Bird watching picture.

[B]

Yeah, Ye. Yeah, it's like that. That's.

[A]

But I also want to fire a gun.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So all you have to do is take a picture, shoot a bullet in the air.

[B]

Yeah, no, that's it. That's all you have to do.

[C]

I like bird watching. Bird watching's like, it's not something I've. I've gotten into yet, because, you know, I haven't. I haven't gone. I want.

[A]

Well, you still have too many things to do.

[C]

That's the thing. You need a lot of less things to do.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

But I. What I love about bird watching is that, like, how popular it is, and it's still just like all on the honor system always.

[A]

You know, they talk about that too, that there's so many. There are scandals within the bird watching community. Huge of people being like, yeah, I saw that warbler when we were in New York.

[B]

There was that. Remember that massive. That massive thing where someone said they saw a certain bird in Central park or they saw it on a building or something and there was a huge scandal handle is like, are they telling the truth? Yeah.

[A]

I mean, like, they would have to be. And they were like, I think they ripped them apart. They were like, there's no way that bird would have been here.

[C]

Blah blah, blah.

[A]

We don't know how it got here. It's never been seen here before.

[B]

Caused a big schism in the bird watching community. I think there was a whole like half an episode of how to with John Wilson.

[A]

Yeah, how bird watching biggest record threw its online community into chaos. Yes, that's right.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

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[B]

Fly from your grave.

[C]

All right, so speaking of things that can fly lie, Mothman. Don't know much about the moth man. Unfortunately missed the episode. I'm sorry, you the. So here's what I know about mothman and like, help me fill in some blanks when I'm done here. I know that mothman is from West Virginia. I know that.

[A]

Well, at least that's where he hung. He hangs out.

[C]

Okay? And I know that mothman has red eyes, can fly Yep, you're right. It has attacked some cars and destroyed a bridge in the 60s.

[A]

It did not destroy the bridge. It was warning them that the bridge was going to collapse.

[C]

Okay, okay, all right, all right, all right.

[B]

It showed up just before the bridge. And a lot of. That's why people see the Mothman as a portent. Portent of doom. As if the Mothman shows up, something bad's gonna happen. Because the. The bridge collapse was quite tr. Like, was like 50 people died, 100. Like, it was a. It was right in the middle.

[C]

So the Mothman's good.

[B]

That's what some people say.

[A]

Scary, but he's a harbinger of doom. But that's good for us.

[B]

Yeah, we. We actually did have an idea for a Mothman story for a while. That Mothman over the years, was just depressed because he didn't stop Oklahoma City.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Didn't stop 9 11.

[A]

We had all these things that we were going to. Holding. I would try to warn people over and over again when nobody fucking believe them.

[C]

So is there more than one Mothman?

[B]

No, no. Mothman is like. That's. There is. That's a big Cryptid thing. There are certain Cryptids that are singular. Like Mothman, Jersey Devil.

[C]

Oh, there's only one Jersey?

[B]

Yeah, there's only one Jersey Devil.

[C]

Oh, I thought there was a bunch of Jersey Devil levels.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

Chupacabras.

[B]

There's a bunch Super Coppers. There's a bunch of Copper is a type.

[A]

Bigfoot is a type.

[C]

Is it Bigfoots or Big Feet?

[A]

Big Foots.

[B]

Bigfoots.

[C]

Okay, so Bigfoots. There's.

[A]

Don't you get it wrong for a second, you bastard.

[C]

This is why I don't care. So there's only one Mothman. Did the Mothman kill people?

[B]

No, no.

[C]

From what to what I remember, the Mothman like, killed people inside of cars.

[B]

No, no. He scared people.

[A]

Scared people to get them away from the dynamite fields.

[C]

To get them away from the dynamite fields.

[A]

Where the weed was. Where all those gangsters were. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

As far as far as I know, I don't think there's really a Cryptid who has a body count. From what I. From what I remember.

[A]

Let me see this. Let me look that up, actually. That is interesting.

[C]

Yeah. Not that I know of. I was trying to figure that out.

[A]

That's kind of the problem with Cryptids is that no one's ever touched one. Okay. For Halloween, here says this is a. The list of. Of Cryptids that have allegedly killed people. All right. So here we go. A giant jellyfish.

[C]

Well, that. Yeah, that would have happened.

[A]

The black panther.

[C]

Yeah, that's a real.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Mongolian death worm.

[C]

That's what the thing in Dune's based off of.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Yeah, Mongolian death worm is a.

[C]

That.

[B]

That's a whole other can of worms.

[C]

People here.

[A]

The job of Joffy the mangua. The do. Yeah, the cave cow.

[B]

I mean, real. I mean, that's the thing is once. Once you start going worldwide with Cryptids, like, it starts getting. Getting. It gets. It starts getting really weird and really, really insane. African cryptids are really interesting also.

[A]

J. In Japan, they have that whole world of like demons and little animals and from like all that stuff. So fascinating. And we were going to do an episode on those, but you're just listing things. That's like the problem with that. It was just like. And this thing, it looks like this. And it does this. And this thing, it looks like this, it does that.

[C]

So the bridge did collapse, though.

[B]

Oh, God, yes. Yeah, it was the. It was December. It was during. It was right before Christmas.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And a lot of people were on this bridge and they just started hearing horrible noises. The whole fucking thing just. And it was a bad, bad traffic. So the entire bridge was filled with cars from beginning to end.

[C]

So people like the Mothman, they're not scared of the Mothman.

[B]

They were scared at the time, but he has since become such a. He's become like such a kind of character.

[A]

He's the ICP of Cryptid.

[C]

Yeah. Very popular. When I was a kid, Loch Ness and were the most popular. Now I feel like Mothman might be the most popular.

[B]

Yeah, I think. I think Bigfoot's still up there. Loch Ness has got totally fallen out of. Fallen out of favor. Yeah. As far as the kids go. But I think Mothman, as far as American Cryptids go. Yeah, yeah. Mothman definitely got. Gets one of the top spots.

[A]

Whoa, look at this. So I just found this. The Biso Gouverne, the Beta de Govodar. This is from the 1760s in South Central France. It is a bunch of beasts, right. They somehow say they're somewhere between a lion, a hyena, a wolf and a wolf dog that killed a bunch of people in France. No, they say this is real.

[B]

Yeah, there's been.

[A]

It's France.

[C]

I think. Yeah. There could be big dogs that kill people in France.

[B]

Yeah, we covered this once. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a big.

[C]

Yeah, it's a wolf.

[B]

It's a horrible creature.

[A]

I think it's a wolf.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that might be a gigantic wolf.

[A]

Yeah. Despite the general consensus of the beef was a wolf or other wild canid, several alternative theories for its identity have been proposed. Some think it was a sub adult male lion.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. Because you know, there were lions in England.

[A]

Yeah, they brought him in.

[C]

Yeah, they get loose and they, they start.

[B]

Yep, yep, that's true. And I mean really, I mean you can see how Cryptids get create. Like my dad created a cryptid when we were kids. Yeah. It was like he, he called it, the guy anther. He said it had the head. Head of a mountain lion on one end and the head of, I think a lion on the other. And he said watch out for the gianther because he was so mean. Because it couldn't take a. It just ate and ate and ate, but because it had a head on each end, it was, it, it was so angry because it could never take a.

[A]

Your dad didn't even know that. He was literally creative. Yeah, you know.

[B]

No, he's an incredibly creative man. But. Yeah, it was a. But yeah, that was a story that he told us when, when we were kids. So you can see how Cryptids get created everywhere.

[A]

This is a weird one.

[C]

What is this?

[A]

All right, it's called the Treu. It's a met. It's from mache mythology from southern Chile in Argentina. It is a moving piece.

[B]

Did you say Argentina?

[A]

Argentina. Argentina. They. It is a moving piece of land leather that goes through the water and attacks people. Huh.

[C]

Interesting.

[A]

That's cool.

[B]

That sounds more like a ghost or like a demon.

[A]

Yeah, that's what it says. It's a demon.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Cuz that, that, that is another thing too. Is a demons cryptid like that. Those sort of area. Those areas can touch tips. There's plenty of people that say that Cryptids are demons. Plenty of people that say that aliens are demons. Yes. Like for example, our generals and vi. Our vice president recently said that he. Aliens are demons and that should probably

[A]

keep his mouth shut before the Pope has him killed.

[B]

Well,

[A]

don't with the Pope.

[C]

Is that what a Wendigo is?

[B]

No, a Wendigo is a native American creature that's closer to a Bigfoot or closer. Yeah, it's a Canadian. I think it was a Canadian tribe that had the legend of the Wendigo. Oh yeah.

[A]

And honestly, that was. Seems a lot more. There's a lot of things attached to the Wendigo.

[B]

Yeah. And there, and there are a lot. There are a lot of really violent legends surrounding the windigo like that is actually one creature that has actually had a couple of deaths attached to it from what I remember.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

No, you mentioned skinwalkers. Are they cryptids? No, they're aliens. No, what are they?

[A]

They are evil, dark magic witch witches from the tribes. People that have used rituals,

[B]

right? Yeah.

[A]

They became. They could turn into an animal after committing an atrocity. They had to do something horrible in a ritual in order to gain this ability to use on animal hide to turn into an animal.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And so they. That's kind of what they're. That's one explanation for them. And that's kind of why they're also supposed to not. You're not supposed to talk about them.

[B]

Navajo.

[A]

That's what it is. They are not. You're not supposed to. To talk about them because they bring you bad luck.

[C]

Oh, okay. Well, here goes.

[A]

I don't think it counts if you're not Native American.

[C]

So Skinwalker Ranch does that. Are they. Is it just the name of the ranch?

[A]

So it was. So it ended up getting that name. It was not actually called the name. It got that name because of all the writings about it. The reason why skinwalkers were even talked about on that ranch was because it was in this place called the Uinta Basin, which is this like historic, kind of like essentially no man's land for these various different tribes. The of rest all like, we don't go in there. Spooky happens in there. And it's always been like that. And so all of a sudden, a bunch of white people showed up, carved up the land. Right. They now live in the bottom of this Uinta Basin, which they're all scared to go into because they say that's where the skinwalkers walk back and forth. Skinwalker Ranch, I believe was the title that Nap gave it. George Knapp gave it. And then it went from there. But the skinwalkers were supposed to sort of walk in this area, which is the things they saw. The giant dogs that they couldn't kill. The things that were in the sky.

[B]

The everything dog. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Who's that doll? He's got these. All different parts. Yeah.

[B]

It was a creature that the. Was it the Gorman family? Yeah, yeah. The. The. The Gorman family were the. The ones who brought the skinwalker legend like that. Just because they brought the skinwalker legend to life. You know, they were the ones that all the weird shit happened to. And there was a dog that they saw on occasion that seemed to. To be in and out, like phasing in and out of reality. And that's that a lot of the ideas of cryptids phasing in and out of reality, I think a lot of that comes from Skinwalker Ranch.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, it's like that. That's where that idea kind of came from because there was so many strange things going on. And some. There's some measurable stuff going on at Skinwalker Ranch.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

The cattle mutilations are the only thing that I can't like wrap my head around.

[A]

And also the cattle, like the. When they all were transported into that little. It make any sense. And then there was another. There's a bunch of weird stuff. I still. What we're saying here, though, is that reality is a lot more difficult to pin down than we want it to be.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And I think that the more isolated you are and the deeper you go into places like the desert in the forest and these liminal spaces in between our consciousness, that's where weird stuff happens.

[C]

So I know we're not talking about aliens, but. No, we talked about it for two seconds. I want to. I want to Skinwalker Ranch. The cattle mutilated relations. And the note there was. So they would find the cattle from the docks that I've seen. They would find cattle with no footsteps around. The cattle totally drained of blood.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

This happened.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

And there's no explanation. Right.

[A]

According to that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We don't know. They'll always say animals. Everyone will always say animals. But there would be some kind of track, you'd think. Yeah.

[B]

Do you think? But. But we don't know. And it's been happening for decades upon decades all over the country.

[A]

And dude, just happened. We just had a whole flap of cattle mutilations in Oregon. There was one in Arizona. It's like, it happens interestingly enough. And we don't quite know what it is. The. Everyone will always say it's wildlife, it's wolves, it's stuff like that. But it is very interesting.

[C]

But yeah, it can't be wolves because they're not actually eating the animal. Well, it looks like sucking all the

[A]

blood out of it. And there's like their. Their reproductive areas are carved out. They talk about their buttholes getting carved out. They.

[C]

It looks like someone took like a. A laser to it, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, it's weird. Who knows? I don't know.

[B]

I've seen coyotes go pretty hardcore on the butthole of a dead cow.

[A]

I think that there is quite a possibility that animals can do a lot of it. And there's very little of it that is unexplained. But there are a couple of instances. I think Skinwalker Ranch is one. Yeah. Where it's super weird.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What?

[C]

Loch Ness Monster.

[B]

Not real.

[C]

Not real.

[A]

Ghost of a dinosaur.

[C]

You think it's a ghost of a dinosaur? Yeah, that's what, that's, that's. I mean that makes as much sense as anything else I've heard.

[A]

I think it's a ghost of a dinosaur.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I think that a lot of people have.

[C]

I feel like Loch Ness Monster might have like some of the most sightings I.

[A]

There. There's been a. You know, there's so many different sea monsters. There's so many, you know, there's so many that have been seen over the years. I usually think of what happened with Luck ness is the fact that Alice Crowley lived there.

[C]

Oh, that helped a lot.

[A]

I think whatever happened there happened because of Alistair Crowley and whatever he was doing. But again, I still think it's just thought forms.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, but you know, you have a photo of the Loch Ness. The so called surgeon's photo, which is of course fake.

[A]

He's a gynecologist.

[B]

Yeah. And I, I think Loch Ness, they're like, please, it's the plesiosaur thing. Like the idea is that. That there's some sort of underground, underwater. Not underground, but underwater tunnel leading from the O to, To Loch Ness. And the plesiosaurs come in and out of Loch Ness through that underground tunnel that's never been found.

[C]

Is it salt water?

[B]

No.

[C]

Oh.

[B]

But there's also. What do you call this champ up in Lake Champlain.

[A]

There's.

[C]

Yeah. There's a couple other ones.

[B]

There's Ogopogo.

[A]

Yeah. Ogopoga.

[B]

Yeah. There's the, the, the secret like, or the lake creature is a. It's a fairly common. It's a. It's a fairly common cryptid. Which is why some people say like, well, that's. It's a plesiosaur.

[A]

They went looking for it. It's too big. They can't find it. They, you know, who knows? I think that they see is extremely mysterious. Yes, it's extremely mysterious.

[C]

But it would. But the lock is a lock.

[A]

Yes. Yeah. I don't think there's that much to it. Yeah.

[B]

Lock just means lake.

[C]

Yeah. Montauk monster. That.

[A]

That was just a. It was a raccoon that was found. That was.

[C]

And it was a raccoon.

[A]

Yes, it was.

[C]

Because I've heard other things.

[A]

No, it's not. No, it was a raccoon.

[C]

It's definitely a raccoon.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

It was just hairless.

[A]

Yep. And. And been. It was decayed.

[C]

Did it have like alopecia?

[A]

No, it's. The hair had fallen off of it.

[C]

Oh, okay, okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This guy. Cuz it was small.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

They called it a monster. But it was tiny.

[A]

Yes, it was small.

[C]

Yeah. Cuz they only showed us the picture with.

[A]

No, you just drew it like what was the Monarch monster?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it just like drew it standing up.

[C]

Another thing that looked like.

[A]

Did not look like that.

[B]

Yeah. It could also have been some sort of like taxidermy project.

[C]

We just kind of left there.

[A]

The thing nobody wants to talk about with that stuff is how they might have what's his putts got leaked from there that we wanted to do a whole episode.

[B]

Plum Island.

[A]

We're going to talk about Plum island eventually. The idea of like that essentially that

[C]

is the island of Dr. Martin. Right?

[A]

Kinda. But it's. It's that Lyme disease was accidentally released. Like there's this idea that Lyme disease was a. Was worked on as a thing and then it became leaked from Plum Island.

[C]

But ticks have been around for eons.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

But ticks are how they spread it.

[C]

Yeah. Oh, okay, I see, I see, I see, I see. Well, I mean, so the only thing. So if something is extreme extinct, all right. And it can become a crypted like the Tasmanian tiger.

[A]

I actually do think that that's true. Is that we will see those. I can guarantee you we will see 100 years from now when something goes into things that we see walking around regularly now could end up being crypted later.

[C]

Okay. So if a Tasmanian tiger was found, that's just proof that it didn't go extinct. It's not like someone found a cryptid.

[A]

No, no, that's just science.

[C]

Unless it's like talking.

[A]

It's like, hey, how you doing? Don't tell anybody I could talk and especially don't tell anybody I can sing. You know, I. Yeah.

[B]

Well, by definition, once a creature is discovered, it is no longer a crypted because it, it then becomes part of zoology because you have the body like and you have. You have biology behind it. So once. Yeah. Once again it's discovered. Gets out of the. It's. It's now a part of the record

[C]

which, which now I like to close with a nice friendly question. Oh, what's your favorite cryptid?

[B]

Oh, well, I've always got a soft spot for the Chupacabra. Yeah, I, I love the Chupacabra.

[C]

Yeah, he's adorable. You know all he does is trying to eat chicken and sheep. Who's hurting then?

[B]

Goats, you know, you know, just running around. Little mischievous. Any. And he could, could be real. There might be something out there. There might be some weird out there. I don't know. I always like the chopper.

[A]

Honestly, now that I'm looking at this, because I'm looking at this list, man, I haven't thought of puck wedgies in a long time.

[B]

Is a great.

[A]

And I love the puck wedgies.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because they're fun.

[C]

You would like a puck wedgie. I want to hang out with man.

[A]

I want to hire them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I want to cast them, I want to put them on the network.

[B]

I also love the melon heads.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like the melon heads.

[C]

What's the difference?

[B]

Melon. Well, melon heads, it was a Connecticut thing and a Michigan thing is that there is, there's a theory that a bunch of children with hydro, hydrocephaly, you know, gigantic heads, water, water babies escape from a mental asylum. And bothered somebody one night. I can't exact, I can't remember what the full story of the melon heads is, but I, I, I just love that idea that it could just be humans, but you know, humans that are differently abled.

[A]

See, notice nobody's going after these guys though. There's no melon head hunters, there's no pukwudgy hunters. And I feel like that's where we could really fill the gap and we can get in there, look for pukwudgies. We just gotta call somebody. Madeline Head.

[C]

I, yeah, I, I mean you start with a, like, I think, I think some good old fashioned Vietnam war traps.

[A]

You're right. Yes.

[B]

Tiger traps.

[A]

Dig out some rough like dig out some stuff. Put some palm leaves on top and put leaves on top of the hole. Yeah.

[B]

But what I really love is like personally like I, I am a ma. I'm, I am obsessed and have been since I was a child. Obsessed with like circus freaks.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

You know, like the, like people that are like people like Jojo the Dog face. The, you know, Joseph Merrick the Elephant man, you know, the, you know, the crab, the crab boy, you know, all of these like people that you know, could have been considered like. It's very possible that some of the legends of Cryptids may have come from people that, you know.

[C]

Deformed people.

[B]

Yeah, people were deformed in one way or another. But those people in those big careers I'm obsessed with like, that's the stuff that I really love because it's, it's real. It's. It's people and it's. And their stories are always so human, sometimes very funny and sometimes tragic.

[A]

Also, I like about freak show stories and that kind of thing is examples of people doing the best with what they got.

[B]

Yeah, like. Like, you know, like, zip the. What is it? That was a guy. He was like, Zippy the pinhead was based on this guy, and he had. I think. I think it was hydrocephaly that his. His. What do you call I. I get microcephalic. That's what it was. He had microcephaly. He had tiny head. And he was, you know, billed as, like, he's the missing link. He's this, he's that. You know, a lot of, like, super racist stuff. Yeah. But at the very end of his life, his last words to his sister, it's like he suddenly snapped out of it. And he said, we sure fooled him for a long time, didn't we? Yeah, he just. He, like, he knew his entire life what he was doing. He was taking. He was taking advantage of. He was playing everybody his entire life.

[C]

That's wild.

[A]

You know who's kind of like that a little bit? Because, like, the closest we have right now, to be honest, an analog to this is what, Howard Stern's whack pack. Beetlejuice.

[B]

Sure. Yeah. You know, Beetlejuice, because Beetlejuice also has microcephaly, and he does a thing where

[A]

you could see some of it is not on purpose, but actually quite a bit is.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You start to realize, like, there's, like, one thing I was, like, watching. I was like, did Beetle just break Persona? Like. Like, earlier on, like, Beetle's way more like. Like, cognizant, like. And then he kind of Homerizes himself. He flanderizes himself. Yeah, I did a lot of alcohol.

[B]

Well, he also probably learned as. As time went on, he learned how to adapt and that. That's what I love about the freak show. Like the. The. The freak stories that. So much of it is about adaptation and. And doing the best with what you got and figuring out how to survive. Because a lot of those people 10 years before would have just been. Had their head smashed in as soon as they were thorn.

[C]

Yeah, unfortunately.

[A]

And then capitalism figured out what to do with them. No, thank you, capitalism. One more time. You saved a bunch of pinheads.

[B]

Thank you, P.T. barnum. You only owned one slave. That's it.

[A]

That's it. You can get a mulligan for that.

[B]

Yeah, it was George Washington's nanny.

[C]

Oh, really?

[B]

He said he Claimed that. Yeah, he. He, you know.

[A]

Didn't we talk about human Zeus?

[B]

Yeah, we talked about human Zeus. Yeah. He purchased a woman and so. And she would tell stories. Stories in his American museum of like, you know, Master George when he was a small boy and so on and so forth. But he also owned her.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, it does. It also doesn't make sense numbers wise.

[B]

Well, she was said to be 120 years old. She was incredibly old.

[A]

She was just an old woman.

[B]

Very, very old woman with a really active imagination.

[C]

He wouldn't pay her, huh?

[B]

No, he did not. I think he did, actually. I think he did. No, she did not. He did not give her her freedom cuz she died cuz she was so old.

[A]

Is that not the most free you can be?

[B]

Yeah. Isn't death the ultimate freedom?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Or crypted hunting either.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Seeing the world is a little bit more. A little bit more special what we thought it to be.

[C]

Well, this was nice, fellas. Thank you. I feel smarter and dumber.

[B]

Yeah. That scripted.

[A]

Yeah. It's kind of amazing how long we could talk about them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And how much you actually know. Know in the end.

[C]

Yeah. As you like the squawk because of how sad he is.

[A]

Oh, we all do. Everybody likes.

[C]

I should like the skunk ape because he's Florida. But it doesn't mean nothing to me.

[A]

It shouldn't.

[B]

Well, he just smells real bad.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah, that's just bad. You know, that's just the water.

[B]

Yeah. I mean I do have a. I have a liking for Chupacabra. Being from Texas, you know, you always heard about the Chupacabra was the cryptid that I heard about growing up.

[C]

Besides the guy have other ones.

[B]

I'm thinking.

[C]

I feel like Florida only has the one cryptid kind of. Because everything can just live there anyway.

[A]

Yeah, it's got. It's like literally filled with dangerous animals. Why do you need cryptids?

[B]

Yeah, I mean and hell, Texas is actually filled with. They had a lot of big cats. They're still on. On the family ranch back home. Every once in a while someone will still see like a. A panther out there. Because Texas used to be full of panthers.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. Big cats.

[C]

That was probably a couple left.

[A]

Now the cougars are more around downtown Austin.

[C]

Yes, they are.

[A]

From what I have seen when I hear. So my own two little cougar hunting eyes.

[B]

Know if there's a cougar town in. In Texas. It's San Antonio.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[C]

All right, fellas. Thank you so much for this. This was good. I I have. I feel better now.

[A]

Yeah. And then next week you'll ask. Ask more about milfs. Yeah. And we'll have a longer conversation. Longer, extended conversation about MILFs.

[C]

What age does the mildom start? Henry?

[A]

My wife and I have a. A singular disagreement about this.

[B]

Where we.

[A]

Where we talk about how there are. There are categories. Yes, right. Obviously there are. There are real life categories.

[C]

To be a mother.

[A]

No, no.

[C]

See, that's up.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Put in the time.

[A]

Put in the work.

[C]

You don't get to be a milf. You're just a chick.

[B]

Well, MILF is just so much more fun than mature, because that's what they used to use.

[A]

Because guess what makes a wife hornier than anything. Yeah. Describe it. How mature she is.

[B]

Yes, you're a mature. I'd like to.

[A]

I said a very funny thing the other day about. I was just like. Would be like, you're very vintage.

[C]

Good job, buddy. I'm proud of you.

[A]

I do it so you. You don't have to, guys.

[C]

That's right.

[B]

Real bad idea.

[C]

Oh, all right. Well, come see us on the road, man. We got some. A lot of shows coming up. We're gonna be in. We got four more left for. For the old. For the old JK Ultra. Obviously. We're gonna play, uh, Cincinnati tomorrow night, but we're gonna be in Pittsburgh. Carnegie Music hall of Oakland on Friday, May 29th. Grand Rapids, Michigan, on June 27th, at the GLC Live, 20 Monroe, Tulsa, Oklahoma, on July 17th. Kane's Ballroom, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. The Tower Theater on July 18th. That's it. Then we're killing JK Ultra. Yeah.

[A]

Then we gotta come back with some new dates.

[C]

That's right. Road solo. You can go get tickets for [e-mail] also, also, gotta say, new YouTube channel in the house. Brighter side.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, we're trying it out. So we got a whole bunch of other YouTube channels. Make sure you check them out. Someplace underneath. LPN. Romantic. See the foreign report.

[B]

No.

[C]

Dogs in space. LPN TV, of course. And now the brighter side. LPN TV, home of HGX2. That came out last week.

[A]

Yeah, you can watch that on YouTube.

[B]

Yeah, check out HGX. We're all in it.

[C]

Everybody's in it. It's so much fun. It really is the most chaotic game show we could have created. It's true. Adult Swim and shout out to Eric and Holden for really putting that whole thing together for us.

[A]

Cannot wait. So go check it out. And also get. See us live and Hail sweet Satan. Yeah, we'll See you out there.

[B]

Yeah. And also, I forgot about the Wampus Kitty. Oh, that's another. That. That's the Texas Big Cat.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Never heard of the Donkey. Donkey lady, though. Yeah, well, that's a new one. Donkey Lady's new donkey. Like, I. I'm sure there's. There was one episode 12, you know, 12 years ago where I went crazy about the Donkey lady for like 20 minutes, but that's gone.

[A]

Yeah, Donkey Lady, San Antonio.

[B]

I don't remember anything. I thought.

[C]

Wasn't she a cast member on Hee Haw?

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Yeah, her job was to blow the banjo players.

[C]

Oh, that's so nice, Roy.

[B]

And such.

[C]

Yeah, the jug players blow themselves.

[A]

We'll see you next week with some aliens.

[C]

All right, have a good one, guys. Hail Squonk.

[A]

Bye. From the boogie down streets of Queens to a pile of beans. A new cup of piping hot polish. Italian java. Last podcast on the left and Spring Hill Jack Coffee are rising from the rubble with the new brew on Butterfly Dudes. Blue eye bland. Nothing to do with any moth based entity. Don't even think about it. This is a butterfly dude. Don't mind the blue eyes. He's just Caucasian. Our new proprietary roast might seem eerily similar, but don't let your tongue deceive you. It's a butterfly dude.

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