Florida Files: Eaten Alive

Summary

Last Podcast On The Left: Florida Files – Eaten Alive Release Date: November 22, 2024

In this gripping episode of The Last Podcast on the Left, titled "Florida Files: Eaten Alive," the hosts delve deep into the murky waters of Florida's most fearsome predators—alligators and crocodiles—and the chilling tales of human encounters with these ancient reptiles. Hosted by Marcus Parks, Henry Zabrowski, and Ed Larson, the episode combines horror, dark humor, and insightful analysis to explore the real and imagined dangers lurking in the Florida swamps.

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1. The American Alligator: Biology and Behavior

The podcast begins with an exploration of the American alligator, spotlighting its status as one of Florida’s top predators. Marcus Parks highlights the coexistence of alligators and crocodiles in Florida, a unique ecological phenomenon. Henry Zabrowski humorously remarks on the differences between American and Chinese alligators:

Henry Zabrowski [03:48]: "They're so cute. Oh, my God, look, his little boobs. He's cute. That's the friendliest Chinese animal."

The discussion emphasizes the American alligator's evolutionary prowess, noting its 37-million-year-old lineage and resurgence from near extinction in the mid-20th century.

2. Alligator Population and Statistics in Florida

The hosts delve into the alligators' population in Florida, revealing that there are approximately 1.25 million alligators inhabiting the state’s waters—about one alligator per 20 people. Marcus Parks notes:

Marcus Parks [05:01]: "There are 1.25 million alligators in Florida. That means there's about one alligator per 20 people."

They discuss the alarming growth in alligator numbers, especially with the introduction of Nile crocodiles and saltwater crocodiles, which pose potential ecological threats.

3. Alligator Attacks: Unprovoked vs. Provoked

A significant portion of the episode addresses alligator attacks, distinguishing between unprovoked and provoked incidents. The hosts clarify that:

Marcus Parks [06:08]: "Despite public perception, from 1948 to 2021, only 20 people have died by unprovoked alligator attacks in Florida."

Henry Zabrowski emphasizes:

Henry Zabrowski [06:10]: "The key word is unprovoked."

They explain that most attacks occur when humans inadvertently provoke alligators, such as through feeding or encroaching on their habitats.

4. Notable Alligator Attack Cases

The episode recounts several gruesome alligator attack stories, with detailed narratives that blend horror with dark humor.

4.1 The 85-Year-Old Woman's Tragic Encounter

One of the most harrowing tales is the attack on an 85-year-old woman:

Marcus Parks [19:21]: "This was one of the most recent alligator attacks that ended in a death glorious surge."

The story details how an alligator named Henry, accustomed to being fed by locals, attacked and ultimately killed the woman, leading to her family's lawsuit against the alligator-control authorities.

4.2 The Death of Lane Thomas Graves at Walt Disney World

Perhaps the most infamous case discussed is the tragic attack on young Lane Thomas Graves at Walt Disney World:

Marcus Parks [41:37]: "Henry Zabrowski: He was about to fight? Mike Tyson."

The narrative describes how a 2-year-old boy named Lane was attacked by an 8-foot alligator while playing in the Seven Seas Lagoon. Despite the heroic efforts of his father, Matt Graves, who fought the alligator for over five minutes, Lane tragically drowned. The episode explores the aftermath, including Disney's actions to control the alligator population and the establishment of the Lane Thomas Foundation by his parents.

5. Myths, Legends, and Urban Legends

The podcast debunks and explores various alligators-related myths, most notably the sewer alligator legend in New York City:

Marcus Parks [13:32]: "It was in the 90s in New York and New Jersey."

This urban legend, stemming from alligators flushed down toilets by tourists, is traced back to a sighting in 1815 and remains a persistent myth in popular culture.

6. Rudy Eugene: The Miami Cannibal

A pivotal segment of the episode focuses on the 2012 Miami Cannibal Attack, where Rudy Eugene gruesomely attacked and partially consumed Ronald Poppo:

Marcus Parks [61:39]: "Rudy Eugene stripped naked walked across the MacArthur Causeway and ate Ron Papo's face for 18 minutes."

The hosts dissect the case, discussing potential motives and explanations, including Rudy's troubled background and the controversial role of synthetic drugs or voodoo influences. They debate whether drugs like bath salts or Alpha PvP contributed to his violent outburst, presenting a nuanced view of substance abuse and mental health issues.

Marcus Parks [62:40]: "But both were autopsied, their stomachs were empty, which means they were hungry and more likely quickly go for more unusual prey."

7. The Impact of Synthetic Drugs

The episode delves into the dark world of synthetic drugs prevalent in Florida, such as Monkey Dust and Flocka (Alpha PvP). The discussion highlights how these substances contribute to erratic and violent behaviors, exacerbating the dangers posed by both humans and wildlife.

Henry Zabrowski [80:00]: "They don't throw one to the alligator. Teaching them by lessons. I know. What's important is that sometimes kindness hurts."

The hosts explore the legislative responses to these drugs and their ongoing impact on Florida’s society and wildlife interactions.

8. Alligator Control and Euthanasia Practices

The hosts critique Florida's alligator control measures, particularly the high rates of euthanasia following attacks or nuisance reports. They discuss the ethical implications of these practices and the broader impact on Florida’s alligator population.

Marcus Parks [49:36]: "They sell their meat and skin to make extra money."

The conversation touches on the commercialization of alligator parts and the balance between public safety and wildlife conservation.

9. Dark Humor and Host Banter

True to The Last Podcast on the Left style, the episode is interspersed with dark humor and irreverent banter among the hosts, adding levity to the gruesome topics. Quotes like:

Henry Zabrowski [08:22]: "I'm not scared of alligators. I'm way more scared of sharks and everything else alligators I like."

highlight the hosts' unique approach to discussing macabre subjects.

10. Conclusion and Reflections

In wrapping up, the hosts reflect on Florida's unique blend of natural dangers, urban legends, and human behaviors that make it a focal point for horror stories. They emphasize the importance of understanding and respecting Florida’s wildlife to prevent future tragedies.

Marcus Parks [88:52]: "The mangroves are the only thing holding in the Everglades. And once they die, the ocean connects to one of the biggest swamps in the world, and everything's Underwater."

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Notable Quotes:

• Marcus Parks [02:29]: "Today on Last Podcast, after the incredible reaction we got from our telecom series... we have Florida Files: Eaten Alive."

• Henry Zabrowski [14:14]: "You have to stay serpentine."

• Marcus Parks [23:21]: "How does he know that he's going to get home? Because gators have a great sense of direction."

• Henry Zabrowski [44:44]: "They don't have to eat that much."

• Marcus Parks [47:41]: "Lane Thomas Graves was not eaten. He was dragged under and drowned."

• Henry Zabrowski [77:36]: "It's called the recipe."

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Final Thoughts: "Florida Files: Eaten Alive" offers a chilling yet captivating journey through Florida's darkest corners. Combining factual analysis with the hosts' signature humor, the episode serves both as a cautionary tale and an intriguing exploration of one of America's most infamous states for predator-related incidents. Whether you're a Florida resident or merely fascinated by true crime and horror, this episode is sure to leave a lasting impression.

Transcript

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[Marcus Parks]

There'S no.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Place to escape to.

[Marcus Parks]

This is the last on the left.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? Yes.

[Marcus Parks]

Yay.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Man, I'm so hungry today. I woke up hungry. I think I'm going to go down to the. There's. We have that man made lake that's close here and I think I want to consume an 85 year old woman.

[Marcus Parks]

Think about it. Think about it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I want to pull her down to the water. Just hear me out. This might be crazy, it might be an intrusive thought, but I kind of have this inkling I've been wanting to do it and maybe now that I'm 40, yeah, maybe now it's okay for me to really finally live my dreams, which I've always wanted to grab an old woman, buy her cardigan, pull her down into a swamp, roll her around in the mud right until she eventually stops kicking. Leave her there till she gets soft and then come back later and feast upon her flight. That's something I've always wanted to do and I've never gotten to do it.

[Ed Larson]

And you know what? I think today might be your day. Welcome to the last podcast. On the left, ladies and gentlemen, we have the ravenous Henry Zabrowski. My name is Marcus Parks. Henry, how ravenous are you?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Bring me your abuela and I'll tell you. Bring me your abuela. Don't let her hit the oic. I don't care what her fucking doctor. I want the tits.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, you want to be able to eat her with a straw.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I want to be able to hack whole lobes off of her with a machete once I'm done letting the swamp water soften her.

[Marcus Parks]

All right.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Give me what I want. It's Trump's America.

[Ed Larson]

Today on Last podcast, after the incredible reaction we got from our telecom series, from all of the sadness and violence and horribleness and the fascination behind the killer whales, Ed Larson is back today with Florida Files. Eaten alive.

[Henry Zabrowski]

He's not dead. He's not dead.

[Marcus Parks]

Save her.

[Ed Larson]

She's not dead yet.

[Henry Zabrowski]

All right. No, don't worry. Don't worry. I'll save some of grandma. What are these? Oh, my God. It's her eyeballs. That's my favorite part. Man, we're gonna get into some eyeball sucking today, dudes. I know that for certain.

[Marcus Parks]

It will happen. I promise. Ok. Okay. But first we're going to talk about the perfect killer in Florida. The American alligator.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. Better than the damn Russian and Chinese alligators infiltrating our water.

[Marcus Parks]

There are no Russian alligators, but there are Chinese alligators that are a separate species.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Wow. Really?

[Marcus Parks]

They got. They got smaller heads.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Really?

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Awesome.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. So it's not just a fake thing. It is real Chinese. Does the China does have their own allergies?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, my God, they're so cute. Oh, my God, look, his little boobs.

[Marcus Parks]

They are very cute. Always kind of smiling.

[Henry Zabrowski]

He's cute. That's the friendliest Chinese animal.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, and it's only five feet long. I can kick that thing's ass.

[Marcus Parks]

Kick its head in.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, that's cute.

[Marcus Parks]

No, they're like, fun to have around him, but the American alligator is our cutest killing machine. These swamp puppies can be found in almost any body of water in Florida larger than a puddle. The American alligator, as a species is 37 million years old. And they have been in Florida for at least 18 of those 37 million. Congrats for them.

[Henry Zabrowski]

What do you. What anniversary is that?

[Marcus Parks]

37 million? Yeah, I think it's back to stone.

[Ed Larson]

Do they live in the villages? Am I right?

[Henry Zabrowski]

No. Come on.

[Marcus Parks]

Humans in comparison have only been on Earth for 300,000 years. Before that, who knows what planet we came from?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, we thank you, Eddie.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes. No problem, Henry.

[Henry Zabrowski]

We were put here.

[Marcus Parks]

Currently, there are 1.25 million alligators in Florida. String them up. Which MEANS there's about one alligator per 20 people.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Damn.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Yeah. Florida is the only place in the world where alligators and crocodiles coexist.

[Ed Larson]

The only place in the world?

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Ed Larson]

How so? How did crocodiles get in the mix?

[Marcus Parks]

Well, there's saltwater crocodiles down there, roughly a thousand of them in Florida. And recently there have been reports of Nile crocodiles being found in the Everglades as invasive species released into there. So it's going to be a future disaster.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And the worst part is asking them where they're at or where they're supposed to be. It's always hard to get through the denial because they really can't help me.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, the alligators, crocodiles, are united by one common enemy, and that is Floridians. Yeah, anything can live down there. You just ask your grandparents. Despite public perception, from 1948 to 2021, only 20 people have died by unprovoked alligator attacks in Florida.

[Henry Zabrowski]

The key word is unprovoked.

[Ed Larson]

That is exactly the key word. Because when you told me this fact the other night, you left the word unprovoked out of the sentence.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, they feel like provoked. I'd be like, there's probably at least that many amount of provoked attacks.

[Marcus Parks]

I mean, you jump on an alligator's back, that's a fight.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's a fight.

[Marcus Parks]

That's different, you know, that's a good fight.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's a balance.

[Marcus Parks]

That's a whole other thing, you know. So basically what I'm trying to say is they ain't coming for you. We're coming for them. In fact, alligators are more scared of us than we are of them. There have only been 442 unprovoked bites in the history of Florida and only 303 of those were serious injuries such as losses of a limb muscle or self esteem. So.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, it's just, it is interesting because you view these creatures and I think that a lot of people assume, like we've talked about sharks back in the day, we've talked about like people assume that these attacks are really prevalence. I mean with killer whales they kind of, we kind of project this upon them where like largely they're very solitary, these creatures and they don't want to with you.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Crocodiles, on the other hand, will just attack you.

[Henry Zabrowski]

They're hyper aggressive. We saw that when I went to a vaguely illegal St. Augustine alligator farm where you just watch the crocodiles are kept. Like alligators are just out.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

They keep them so fat that they legitimately are. So they're legit. They're so lethargic and lazy that they just can't even. They don't even know that you're there.

[Marcus Parks]

In these parks, they will respond to their personal names and come get food from you.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's cute as hell. But the crocodiles are kept in a cage.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Amber Nelson had the best analogy for it, which was alligators or bees. Crocodiles or wasps.

[Ed Larson]

Gotcha.

[Marcus Parks]

You know. All right, so a lot of times when an alligator is found eating a human being, that person was already deceased when the animal came in contact with them.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, yeah, that's just food.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, man.

[Ed Larson]

Well, I'd also imagine the Everglades are a very popular place to dump bodies.

[Marcus Parks]

Absolutely. I mean, this happens when people drown on their own. Also. Suicide happens a lot down there and any other myriad of ways people die in Florida. In short, you should not be scared of alligators. The chances of even being bit by one are over 3 million to one.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I'm not scared of alligators. I'm way more scared of sharks and everything else alligators I like. And I just feel like in my mind I know where the alligator is. It's in a swamp, it's in a river. Guess where I don't go. Yeah, right there. I don't go. I don't bleed. If I got fucking like. Let's just say I have my male period going.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Every once in a while. Which is called hemorrhoids. And if I go in there.

[Marcus Parks]

Hemorrhoids, please.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Hemorrhoids. Thank you. If I go in there, right, and I'm fucking. I know that I'm just leaving a trail of goody gushy gush. These fucking delicious fucking smelling alligators are excited for that. I don't do that.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. See, sharks are actually the most dangerous wild animal in Florida. And snakes.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I imagine the mosquito is also quite bad.

[Marcus Parks]

But you know, they don't kill you like they do in other countries.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You get malaria.

[Marcus Parks]

Malaria. She's married to Trump. Malaria does it hasn't been.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's malaria in Hawaii.

[Ed Larson]

But let me ask you this question though. When it comes to alligators and how much, how aggressive they could be is part of the reason why there aren't as many animal attacks from alligators is because we're very cautious with alligators to begin with.

[Marcus Parks]

You would think that people would be. But people in Florida pretty much just live in the water because they also.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I think on some level they are so comfortable in their areas. And they do. When we went on a gator trip.

[Marcus Parks]

When we went to.

[Henry Zabrowski]

In New Orleans, they talk about it like you do build a rapport. And in one of the stories you're going to cover today, they did have a rapport with this alligator that was like a thing that they hang around. They are people kind of. You get used to it.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. And I think when you grow up in Florida, you're kind of taught these rules you know, and that's why a good portion of the people who end up getting killed are tourists or attacked because they don't know the Florida rules.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Snowbirds.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

So these snowbirds, you know when they're coming? Because I went to go. I went to my favorite diner. Normally I sit right there. And Antoinette knows exactly what I get, which is I get my. My corned beef hash extra done because I love it from the can. It's my favorite from the can. And I go in there and next thing you know. Henry Thomas, you wouldn't believe. I had to wait for 20 minutes for my table.

[Marcus Parks]

That's ridiculous.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And I. This is all changing.

[Ed Larson]

Did they have any other tables available while you were waiting?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes, but not my table. There was another foreign family sitting there.

[Marcus Parks]

Perkins are getting out of hand. They'll just let anyone go.

[Henry Zabrowski]

This is just a normal place. It's just. She gets. Hey. She cannot handle the snowbirds when they roll into town. So I say, let's cut some of them out.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, we need them to survive them. Well, you know, the real danger when it comes is when people decide to feed wild alligators and they start to associate people with food. When this happens, the alligator must be relocated to a reserve, a zoo or gatorland for the animal safety. Most of them are euthanized, unfortunately, in comparison, you are way more likely to be killed by a dog or a shark or a rolling meth lab, but certainly the police than a gator.

[Henry Zabrowski]

In Florida, police are actually probably higher up on there.

[Ed Larson]

Way higher.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And your neighbors just straight up. Your neighbors will shoot you in the head. Everybody's packing.

[Marcus Parks]

Speaking of getting killed by dogs in Florida, this is true. Five Floridians have been shot by their dogs. Half the nation's total.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's amazing. They have special, like, weapons schools for canines and for your pets.

[Marcus Parks]

It's usually when someone leaves their gun on the bed and the safety off and the dog jumps on the bed and it ends up shooting the person.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, well, it's exactly part of me think it was like, what is. Is he like, did he bring his gun to the B dubs and then he got like Szechuan sauce on it. The dog got curious. It's like, like licking it dog. I got to stop using that to apply. I got to stop using my. My Ruger to apply blue cheese to my chicken tenders.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, these statistics have never stopped people from fearing alligators, dinosaur like appearance and the demonization of them in the media crawl. That's right. Crawl did this absolutely because crawl is so ridiculous, by the way. It could never happen.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No. Yeah. Crawl isn't real.

[Marcus Parks]

Because of this, the American alligator came close to extinction in North America in the 1950s and 60s. Their biggest threats were loss of environment, pesticides, and hunting. Back also back in the 50s and 60s, you could buy baby alligators as pets at gas stations. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tourists would buy them and bring them back to whatever state they came from. And then once they started to grow, they either killed them or flushed them down the toilet. And this is where the alligator in the sewers mythos comes from.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Do it.

[Ed Larson]

Because it's an urban legend.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I thought I had read about this. I remember because just for the. For those of you that don't know, that was a massive conspiracy theory in especially New York.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, it was in the 90s in New York and New Jersey. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

It was a big urban. It was a big urban legend, definitely in New York, that the New York City sub sewer system was full of alligators that have been flushed down the toilet by Florida toys.

[Marcus Parks]

It came, they would just die.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's very interesting. It came from this guy, Teddy May, the commissioner of the sewers in 1935. Apparently it started with an 1815 sighting of a three foot alligator in Brooklyn.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, my God.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And that it's been around ever since.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, man. At one point, the population of alligators was down to 100,000 in America, as opposed to 5 million today. So we've done a really good job at bringing them back, though. They've made a comeback. It's undeniable that this perfect predator has fallen prey to some bad pr. So let's take some time to give you listeners a quick alligator safety lesson in case you ever encounter one of these majestic beasts.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You gotta go serpentine.

[Marcus Parks]

That's right, baby. The number one thing you can do to avoid an altercation with an alligator is to stay away from them. And more importantly, never feed one.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You don't engage. Don't engage. No voter outreach. No. No grassroots campaign for your PODC cast. Like nothing. These alligators are not taking solicitation.

[Ed Larson]

I don't care how many extra pig carcasses you got in your truck.

[Henry Zabrowski]

They don't throw one to the alligator. Teaching them by lessons. I know. What's important is that sometimes kindness hurts.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And that's what we've learned. Sometimes you can't just be nice to something because you want to be nice to something because you're teaching them bad lessons.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, staying clear may not be so easy. They have millions of Years of evolutionary stealth training on their side. An alligator could be lurking under your nose. At any freshwater bank in the southeastern United States. Do your best to stay out of murky, shallow water and especially stay clear of vegetation on the surface. Their prime hunting hours are dusk and nighttime. If you are in a place with high gator activity, a fun thing to do is shine a flashlight on the water and see the light reflect off of their eyes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I love it. It's so frightening. If you've ever done that in Florida at night, like, I do remember when I was shooting something else when I was doing the after midnight movie. I was in Leesburg, Florida, and we were out in the swamps and it was.

[Marcus Parks]

That's central Florida, right?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

That's where the highest concentration is right now.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, dude. And you could stop when you shine your light out onto the swamp and you just see all these eyes just looking so cool. It's awesome.

[Ed Larson]

I bet.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, actually, you know, there's been several alligators actually captured in New York. Oh, I'm sure I'm looking at this right now. It's very interesting.

[Marcus Parks]

Also, if you want, you can call them using this noise. Hey, no, I'm just kidding. You go, no, that's.

[Ed Larson]

That's written Stimpy. I know what the.

[Marcus Parks]

No, but this is the noise you gotta do. Gotta get in there in your throat.

[Henry Zabrowski]

We're just now giving this to perverts. We've given this over to perverts. You have times I'll do something and someone will be like, can you add more choking noises into your ads? It's just like, I can't.

[Ed Larson]

We just fed blowjob noise into the AI machine. Another one done thing.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Another ghost in the machine giving blowjobs to Hitler just sitting there having sex with Richard Spencer and Kim Jong Un.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, mating season in the summer is when alligator attacks happen the most. Most. This is when they're most active and need the most energy. You know, fuel for screwing. Yeah, yeah. You ever try and an alligator, very difficult. A lot of leg strength. And God forbid you forget your snorkel.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes, alligators have.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes. And dicks for the men. The men of dicks. And the women of.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's insensitive.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes. By the way, do yourself a favor and Google alligator penis. It ain't pretty. Oh, no.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I saw a bunch of them. They made me kind of sick in the phallological museum in Iceland. All of the. All the other penises were fine, but it was really. That dog and cat penis room was like that's not for me.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. One time we posted a picture of an alligator penis on the Brighter side page when we did an episode about alligators and Amber was like please take that down.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well it's actually surprisingly white recognizable.

[Ed Larson]

I mean it looks like basically like many other odd animal maybe. I've seen a lot of pictures of animal penis.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I think that you're broken, Marcus. I that the both of us absolutely love the a of that is a wild set of dick and balls on that alligator. I why are we looking at this now? We're just looking at the. It's the same as that only fans guy with Peanut the squirrel. We're just looking at their rolled out dick and balls. Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

We just saw.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

There's a. A deviant art alligator.

[Henry Zabrowski]

A hippo alligator.

[Ed Larson]

A hippo.

[Marcus Parks]

That happen.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Is that or is that just fan fiction?

[Marcus Parks]

I think that's fan fiction.

[Ed Larson]

Ye. That doesn't happen, Henry.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, but that is. That is not AI that is hand drawn.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, that is hand drawn. That's dvr. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

All right. But here's the most important thing. Do not let your dogs off leash near the shore of any fresh body of water in Florida. If you must walk your dog by the water in Florida, keep yourself in between the water and your dog. An alligator is very unlikely to attack you because you are too large and are actually more of a predator to the alligator than they are to you.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes.

[Marcus Parks]

Your dog on the other hand looks like a walking cheesesteak.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It is. It is not uncommon. I remember my neighborhood. It happened in my neighborhood. Little dogs got eaten all the time. I know that. Like I thought it was funny because one time we brought Wendy to a lake and she's so deeply uninterested in beach and the water that she ran from the water and like stood on the grass. Like she wouldn't go onto the beach and stuff like that. So she already knew.

[Marcus Parks]

She knew.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, speaking of which, remember this story from February 2023? This one's one of the most recent alligator attacks that ended in a death glorious surge. An 85 year old woman was walking her dog along the bank of a pond when a 10 foot alligator leaped out of the water at the dog, Serge fell and the ten foot behemoth grabbed her foot, dragged her into the water and she was never seen alive again.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Now I've seen this footage many times.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And I'm not going to say what's the term.

[Ed Larson]

Choose your words carefully.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It doesn't delight me. But there is a thing obviously it's interesting because it's highly. Oh, she's on the.

[Marcus Parks]

You see the definition of awesome and not like awesome as in like really cool but also crazy thing that happened.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Nature in action. Your watch it is. And it's like a scene from a movie because you see her standing on the bank with the little dog. The little dog, she's looking that way, right? She's looking away from the water. Little dog sitting there. And you see the little. And it's like a scene for movies. Little dogs is going. And you see this alligator shadow come. It is just like the scene from X. And like, it is just like it where this. You just see this slowly but surely this alligator roll up on the two of them. And then it's just that snap step. And he just fucking got him good, dude.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, man.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's fucking frightening. But it's also. It was. But then even the 911 caller was like, I don't know what people are doing with their little dogs out here. She blamed the woman immediately.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, man. No. Well, the neighborhood knew about the ten foot alligator. In fact, they named it Henry.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

This is kind of awesome. He's living my dream.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. He was a needy alligator that was always interrupting you and was taking his shirt off for attention.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yay.

[Marcus Parks]

Hey. He was born naked, but the people were in the neighborhood were known to feed him regularly. And due to the hoa, poor Gloria was told not to walk her dog around the neighborhood and that she could only walk him on her property and the backyard.

[Ed Larson]

She was where the alligator was.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes. Put it right into his back. Put it right on his plate.

[Ed Larson]

So this is a. So this can be directly traced to an HOA rule.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I would love to find more deaths caused by hoas.

[Marcus Parks]

They're. They're currently suing, I think. I'm pretty sure they're going to win if they haven't already. So I guess we can go ahead and bump that 26 debt up to 27 for now.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, probably.

[Marcus Parks]

When I was young, they used to tell us that if an alligator is running after you run zigzags. Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Serpentine.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. This is a bad advice. No, you are making it easier on the alligator.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I've learned this forever.

[Marcus Parks]

Only thing I know, I'm pretty sure that gators actually started the rumor, you know.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Exactly. Super dare. Go for me to get you. You know what I hate is when it's easy. So you definitely shouldn't lay down with some chicken. Yeah, it's definitely not something you should do.

[Marcus Parks]

Who's saying that alligators can reach up to 20 miles per hour on land.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, they're fast like me. Yeah, you same. I am the same speed as an alligator.

[Marcus Parks]

No, you're like nine miles an hour tops.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I'm saying if you get me say bolts like 16 within 10ft. Which I've talked about. Literally the fastest man within 10ft. Yeah, within 10ft I'm going close to 50, 70 miles per hour. Yeah, well within that just, just that short area I'm quite fast.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes, well get use that 10ft to get over a fence and out of there as quick as possible. Oh no.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It is a lateral move friend. It's not going up up. I'm not a 10ft vertical.

[Marcus Parks]

Also here's another one you probably don't know. Alligators can jump as high as five feet out of water.

[Henry Zabrowski]

What?

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

So out of water.

[Marcus Parks]

Out of water. Cuz they use their tails to help propel them out. So you have to be careful even when you're on a dock or in a boat. If an alligator gets you in its mouth, don't try and open their mouth. Instead punch its snout and gouge its eyes. Like you are one of the three stooges. Remember you are mo and the alligator is curly.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. Boing. But always watch when he brings up that little hand. Yeah, little hand block the eyes.

[Marcus Parks]

A science teacher buddy of mine in South Florida recently had a police evidence diver start working at the camp as the campus police officer and asked him what the protocol was. Does he ever saw a gator while he was diving for evidence. He said that they are taught to dive deeper in the water because once an alligator can see your full size under the water it will want nothing to do with you. Most attacks in the water water will happen when you are swimming on the surface.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Interesting. So if you go all the way in it can see because you're about at least a 3/4 the size of the alligator probably is it most alligators.

[Marcus Parks]

You'Re bigger than you know. But like.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Or like it's. If it's even 10ft it's not one it doesn't want to with something that's even 5ft 6ft.

[Marcus Parks]

Because also if an alligator is 10ft it's mostly tail.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

You know so the good part, the.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Eating part and the shoe part.

[Marcus Parks]

One of the few predators that we eat. Eat.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, that is true. Because we don't eat very many predators. Because I mean I've never had shark because I, I'm still morally can't do it.

[Marcus Parks]

But most fish are Predators.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, they're a little predator. They're little predators.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But now, like Tuchuki. Tuchuki, he's definitely probably got some allegations. But now let's dive into a couple of these 26, 27 stories where the gators won.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, I'm rooting for the gators.

[Marcus Parks]

You. I mean, it's their land. Land. They were there. We took them 36 million years before us.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I will say, though, they could have, in that whole time, they definitely could have invented thumbs. Government.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Writing, weapons homes. If they had done any of that, they would really have a right to.

[Marcus Parks]

A lot of these places.

[Ed Larson]

They had plenty of time and they wasted it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

None of them sewed a flag.

[Marcus Parks]

No.

[Henry Zabrowski]

None of them wrote a constitution.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

None of them started an LLC once. None of them paid income tax.

[Henry Zabrowski]

None of them sign up. No one got up. None of them have a 401k.

[Marcus Parks]

You are right. These things fly from your grave. Guess what, folks? Lounge season is officially upon us. And me undies, your favorite company, also makes the coziest loungewear that's perfect for the holiday season.

[Henry Zabrowski]

All right. Love me undies.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes, yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes.

[Marcus Parks]

I know that she'd only got one leg, but they still can wear the beautiful onesies.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, I got one leg, but I've also got one pirate butt. My booty needs me undies.

[Marcus Parks]

That's right. Go to Meundies.com and pick up your onesies and your sweats and your hoodies. All for chilling on your couch and counting your pirate's booty.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yar. I'll steal your booze, I'll steal your women, but don't you steal me undies.

[Marcus Parks]

That's right. Right. Me undies. Man, I love my me undies. And for my big balls, they really hold them well. Like they ain't flopping around at all. I'm not getting chafed and I feel like I'm warmer now. Disgusting.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Cold disgusting to think about.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, do you think so? You think so?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, I'm gonna have to show you in the bathroom. All right, kick off lounge season with me undies and get 20% off your first order. Plus free [e-mail] lounge left. Enter promo code left. That's meundies.com left. Code left for 20 off plus free shifting me undies. Comfort from the outside in me undies. You comfortable?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

With new home Internet. Plus from T Mobile, you get Internet right where you want it. With WI fi mesh, you can boost your connection to places it hasn't reached before. For like a boring basement that you could turn into a podcast studio. For a limited time, get a free upgrade to T Mobile Home Internet plus while supplies last. Home Internet plus starts at 50 bucks a month with autopay in any voice line. Check availability@t mobile.com home Internet and get Internet right where you want it. During congestion, customers on this plan may notice speeds lower than other customers and further reduction if using greater than 1.2 terabytes per month due to data prioritization. After $20 bill credit plus $5 per month without auto pay, debit or bank account required. Regulatory fees included for qualifying accounts, $35 connection charge applies.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Everyone loves a good deal, right? Yep. So when Mint Mobile said it was easy to get wireless for $15 a month with the purchase of a three month plan, we had to call them on it. I called my deal lawyer and he was busy in the day. I actually had his assistant in. Turns out it really is that easy to get wireless for $15 a month. Yep. The longest part of the process is the time you spend on hold waiting to break up with your old provider. I say ghost them. All plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered in the nation's largest 5G network. Go, go, go go go Right. I love Mint Mobile. It's cheap. I love Ryan Reynolds. Handsome as a devil himself. He slings these phones faster than anybody I've ever seen sling a phone since Naomi Campbell threw her phone at her assistant. But I'll say these Mint Mobiles are just absolutely d Steal another catchphrase. You're gonna love your Mint Mobile. Because I'll tell you what, we all hate Cinnamon Mobile. That's for certain. I'm keeping that one. We're keeping that one. To get this customer offer and your new 3 month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mint mobile.com lpotl that's mintmobile.com lpotl cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com lpotl $45 upfront payment required, equivalent to $15 per month month new customers on first 3 month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. C Mint mobile for details June 20.

[Marcus Parks]

1993 Bradley Widenheimer of Lantana, Florida jumped out of his canoe to drag it over a log in the Loxahatchee River. In that moment, a giant gator named Big George jumped out of the water, grabbed him by the head with his bone crushing jaws and pulled him under in front of his parents.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Cool.

[Marcus Parks]

The father grabbed his son and was able to wrestle his son from the gator's mouth while friends beat it with oars. But the struggle lasted for over five minutes. And poor Bradley, 10 years old, had drowned by the time his body was back in his parents possession. This happened in my county, in Palm beach county when I was the same age. It was a huge story growing up. Up. And it's amazing how these things get sensationalized. Up until this week, if I told you this story like it had been told to me, it would have been this boy was on a boy scout canoe trip when the gator jumped up and ripped his head off of his body and blood was squirting all over his friends. It's a great story.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's a great story. We love it. Those kids love it. They get something to to share again and again and again.

[Marcus Parks]

Exactly.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's the beginning of a new alligator based Jason Borhees.

[Marcus Parks]

But what happened to the boat?

[Ed Larson]

What happened to the boat like after his head was like ripped off and there was blood spurting everywhere.

[Henry Zabrowski]

What happened to the boat? Does the boat explode? I'm like, good work little Jimmy. Use your blood collecting badge. You collected the most blood. Wow. You're the most absorbent boy.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh. And you have your head sewing badge.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, wow. Excellent.

[Ed Larson]

And the boy scouts definitely did have a badge for most absorbent boy.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But it was one of those badges you can only wear when your pants are down.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, this is what leads to the fear mongering and the over hunting and trapping of alligators. Truth is he probably stepped on the thing when he jumped out of his boat. And the alligator was protecting its turf.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Gay. When your.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes. Alligators are extremely territorial. Especially mama gators will attack anything that gets near to their nest on the bay on the shore. I know I sound like a lawyer for big alligator.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You really do. You are coming in hard. You are very pro alligator. Anti human.

[Marcus Parks]

Now I'm just a simple country alligator lawyer. But I do declare my clients are misunderstood.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Objection.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, we did.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Objection, sir.

[Marcus Parks]

On Loxahatchee. Loxahatchee landed on Oxford.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Objection, sir. My client, the little tiny dog here that's just a leash begs a difference.

[Marcus Parks]

Let me see your wallet. What's it made out of? Boot check. Let me see your boots.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Whatever dude. I want an alligator. I want alligator leather. But I do also find it to be immoral.

[Ed Larson]

Now I want to see how many shell corporations are between you and Wally Gator. Yeah, I want.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Who benefits?

[Marcus Parks]

Wally Gator. He's Missing. Poor guy.

[Henry Zabrowski]

What do you mean he's missing?

[Marcus Parks]

He's missing. You know, Wally Ater, the. The emotional support alligator?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, yeah, that guy. That dumb guy.

[Marcus Parks]

Joey's sweet.

[Ed Larson]

Okay. I was talking about Wally Gator, the Hana Barbera cartoon.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. It's never Wally Gator. It's always like.

[Marcus Parks]

I remember him. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

He had the hat and the Cajun accent.

[Henry Zabrowski]

See, this guy has got. He has. This is a vaguely famous story of this guy with Wally the emotional support gator that he brings around. But it doesn't seem like super smart because it's a dinosaur. Like, it's not a. You can't. You can train it up to a point. Even the guys on the swamp tour were like, it does get to know you, and you do get to know it, but at some point, it's a fucking unknowable. Like, there's. You can't know what it's thinking.

[Marcus Parks]

I interviewed this guy on our Twitch channel with the gator, and it was, like, crawling all over him and he was, like, wrestling with it, trying to answer my questions. All right.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Why don't you concentrate on the alligator?

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, but it was. It's a. Truth is that. Yeah. It's probably just really stupid. And it doesn't attack people.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Because.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Do you think it's just a simpleton alligator? You're like. It's that style of, like.

[Marcus Parks]

But either way, they were on vacation and someone reported the alligator, and then they came and took it and put it in the swamp. And now it's gone forever because it probably just eaten by other gators because it's too friendly.

[Henry Zabrowski]

He brought the alligator on vacation.

[Marcus Parks]

It was his emotional support alligator. He never went anywhere without it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It didn't have a vest. It definitely wasn't brought to any one of these schools. It was not accredited. I. There's no.

[Marcus Parks]

It was credited. It was officially an emotional support animal. Wow. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

It was a big gator, too.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Seeing him with the sunglasses makes me sad.

[Marcus Parks]

No, no. Super sweet. He literally would bring this thing to pools and it would swim with children and they would hug it and shit. It was crazy.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I just. Yeah, I just feel like. Yeah, I just, you know, you look at something. It's like when we went to the lava show where you're, like, looking at a thing. Just being like, this is a fun concept, but it feels like we're at Jurassic park right now. Like, it feels like this is the moments before the disaster hits. Like, as you're watching it, look at the child play with the alligator. Play like kiss the side of its face. And it's like this alligator likes to cuddle. It's just sensing your blood.

[Marcus Parks]

I would love to hug at Wally, but I think those days are over. Wally alligator was actually the inspiration for alligator Loki in the new Loki series. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Fun character.

[Marcus Parks]

But here's another alligator attack that may have flown under the radar. Pun intended. Robert Steele, an 81 year old man, was walking his terrier in between two murky canals close to his home in Sanibel island, where the alligator leaped out of the canal and at the terrier and Mr. Steele was trying to protect it. The alligator ripped Mr. Steele's leg off below the knee and then he went into cardiac arrest from loss of blood and expired on his way to the hospital.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh my God. It's not funny.

[Marcus Parks]

I mean, it's just. It is so wild. There's a reason we're doing it as an episode.

[Henry Zabrowski]

The little dog, like barking at the alligator is just ripping his legs off, going, God damn it. Pepper helping.

[Marcus Parks]

Apparently they didn't go inside out.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Call the police. My God.

[Marcus Parks]

They found. When they found him, his legs were in the water and they didn't.

[Henry Zabrowski]

My legs. Damn. Those are the shoes I. I was buried in.

[Marcus Parks]

They didn't know the alligator had ripped his leg off. And when they pulled him out of the water, he was just missing one leg. It was a crazy reveal.

[Henry Zabrowski]

What a horrible surprise.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Oh, wow.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Thank God. I guess I don't have to die my lasers anymore.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, later on, a police officer saw the alligator in another part of the pond with Robert's leg still in its mouth. That police officer shot it in the head on the spot. Spot. I am unsure if the dog survived.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Just a big fat Florida cop, you know. Harry, brother, today's the day.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, private REM laces out.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You know when they see the movies where the guy's like so fat, he's got the little hand, little hands and his guns right here. Just like, just shooting it point blank in the head while it's sleeping.

[Marcus Parks]

Now, I know what you're saying, Ed. This sounds like you're run of the mill gator killing an old person's story. Why are you bringing it up, Ed?

[Henry Zabrowski]

A million old people should die this way. Yeah. Why do we care about these two?

[Marcus Parks]

Well, the date plays an important part of this. And why we didn't hear about this story is because it happened on 911.

[Henry Zabrowski]

At 4:15pm so the alligator, it took advantage of the co cops. Total distraction.

[Ed Larson]

So this guy's just going out to clear his head.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

For the day. Like, heavy day. He's just like, clear my head but.

[Marcus Parks]

Not paying attention probably.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Very distracted.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

What if that man lived his life to 911 and never got to see it? Had no idea. Like, woke up 7:30, you know, like just. Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Didn't put on the news. It was in a retirement community. He could have just been.

[Henry Zabrowski]

He was the last innocent American he got to die naturally on 911 and not know about it.

[Ed Larson]

I wonder who, like how long the. Like how long. Who lasted the longest in America without hearing about 9 11.

[Marcus Parks]

There is at least someone who got to 912.

[Henry Zabrowski]

What happened? And they like, they pull him out. They pull him out of the water. He's like, my fucking legs are gone, sir. Do you know what else is gone? The World Trade Center.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh my God. Tower. Water tower number two.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Unfortunately, the kid and the caboodle buddy. And building seven. No one can explain it.

[Marcus Parks]

Building seven was 45 minutes later. Some people thought it could have been an inside job, but logic tells us he was killed by Alada.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Marcus really liked it. Marcus really. Alligator is very al. Is very funny. That's very funny. Marcus really liked it. Instead is.

[Ed Larson]

Was that the one?

[Marcus Parks]

That was my joke? Yeah, it's my. One of my favorite jokes I ever wr. But now let's turn us to the most famous of all alligator fatalities. The death of Lane Thomas Graves at Walt Disney World. Rob, I brought you guys something for this story. If you want. I brought you some mouse ears to wear.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It is a small world after.

[Marcus Parks]

Thank you, Eddie. Oh, wow.

[Henry Zabrowski]

These are Julies by the. So don't with these, you know, like, these are Julie's.

[Marcus Parks]

There you go. Look. You guys look phenomenal. All right. June 14, 2016. It was dusk at Walt Disney World's Grand Floridian resort, a Victorian inspired luxury resort with access to the Magic Kingdom by Monal.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's nice.

[Marcus Parks]

There's a restaurant there called Victoria and Alberts. Cost you at least $1,000 for dinner. For two. I'm sure it's great. Never been allowed in the joint. Certainly won't be allowed in after I tell this story to millions of people.

[Henry Zabrowski]

See, the thing is too, is that with these fancy Disney restaurants, the food's not even that good.

[Marcus Parks]

I hear it's perfect at Victoria and Alberts, but that's a whole.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's different. If it's for $500 per person, it fucking better be.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes, there's a beach behind the resort where they would occasionally have events for families staying at the resort. Families so rich that they wouldn't be caught dead inside the parks. Ironic.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, but maybe it would happen outside. It's a little boy.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes, it's a little boy. Ye. This evening, on the banks of the Seven Seas Lagoon, they were ironically screening the delightful movie Zootopia. Oh. There amongst the crowd were the Graves family. Parents, Matt, Melissa just wanted to teach their children, Ella and Lane about racism through cartoon animals. When tragedy would strike, you see, it's.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Better to be done at home with Barbies and Ken's.

[Marcus Parks]

Amen.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's what I do.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

When I teach neighborhood children about racism, I do all the voices so they know the difference between the races.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, that's good. That's smart.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's really been. That's been my new thing.

[Marcus Parks]

Your training comes in handy sometimes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's not on Mike anymore. I save it for the community.

[Marcus Parks]

LANE Thomas Graves, 2 years old, 30 pounds, 37 inches tall.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Was he about to fight? Mike Tyson.

[Marcus Parks]

Was excited to build a sandcastle and was retrieving water and sand from the shore of the Seven Seas Lagoon. Another tourist from North Carolina, Shawna Giacomini, was staying at the resort. She said that around 8:15pm her eldest daughter saw an alligator five feet from the shore near the marsh. This daughter told the movie coordinator about the alligator. The person then told a man whose shirt said the word coordinator on it and told him about the alligator lurking by the shore. The two year old Lane was excited and splashing in the dark grassy water. Bent over to fill his bucket and then snap. The 8 foot 250 pound alligator materialized and grab Lane by the head with her massive jaws. Jeez.

[Ed Larson]

Head first, huh?

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Wow. Well, she didn't really know. He was so. He was so small that it's just. They didn't know it was a person. It probably thought it was like a possum or something.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But that's what it does. Well, that's what it does to like deer. Have you ever seen eat deer? It goes head first and when they grab birds. Birds, they go head first.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. His father Matt, with his back turned for just a moment, hears the splash and then sees the beast trying to descend into deeper water with his boy. Matt leapt into action and jumped on the starving reptile and tried to pry open its jaws with his hands. Which proves useless because an alligator has one of the most powerful jaws in the animal kingdom. It can clamp down with over 3, 000 pounds of pressure.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Jeez.

[Marcus Parks]

Witnesses say they saw him on top of the animal punching it with Bloody hands. He then lost his footing in the battle and cut his leg open as the alligator descended with his son into the Seven Seas Lagoon. Witnesses Peter Kirkos and Carrie Coberi said that they saw Matt Graves punching the alligator pulling at his son's feet before getting swept off of his and Lane vanishing. Another Disney employee saw the alligator with the boy in its mouth in the middle of the Seven Seas Lagoon before taking him down for a final time. You know, yes, there were no swimming signs, but none of those signs warned of the dangers of alligators or snakes. Now, these signs do exist now, but drop a family from Nebraska who don't know all the Florida rules and probably never even thought of an alligator before accidentally creating the perfect scenario for their worst nightmare to come true. The worst thing that could happen to you if you jump in a lake in Nebraska is you got caught skinny dipping with your cousin.

[Ed Larson]

Sure.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. That's one of the big crimes there. Incest, Water based incest.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, Lane Graves's cause of death was drowning with lacerations to the head and neck. He was not eaten. Like many people believe, alligators often do not eat their prey during the attack. Instead, they drag them under the water and kind of place them under a rock or a heavy object and come back and eat you when you're softer and more digestible.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Jesus.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's called the recipe. And alligators also, because they pluck little parts off you, they don't have to eat that much.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, no, they really don't.

[Ed Larson]

So alligators are like slow cookers?

[Marcus Parks]

I guess so, yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. Very similar.

[Marcus Parks]

Very patient. They got nothing to do.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

What else do they do?

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Also, the responsibility of gators wanting to get close to guests doesn't fall completely on Disney. Often out of town guests feed the alligators, especially at the hotel next to it, the Hawaiian themed Polynesian resort.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, I remember the Polynesian. That's where the lower class of people are and all. There ain't no rules.

[Marcus Parks]

Not anymore. Not anymore. Now you have to go to the all star sports or movies. That's Polynesian's fancy.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Now, I thought the Polynesian didn't get the full redo that it needed to get.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, it just got redone. It's very nice. Oh, wow. There was some work of guests feeding alligators on the day of Lane's attack, but nothing has been confirmed.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, you think that it would have been full.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

If it was being fed a lot.

[Marcus Parks]

If it was.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But just getting used to people.

[Marcus Parks]

If you're just throwing like popcorn at it, though. Yeah, like gummy bears and like when they did.

[Henry Zabrowski]

When I went to the swamp tour, when they just threw marshmallows at them.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, marshmallow. They and dog food. They do a lot too.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Swamp tours. The aftermath. The Florida Fish and Wildlife caught six alligators after the attack. Attack? 2 Match the description of the one they were looking for. Seven to eight foot female, weighing over 200 pounds. And these two were found with two tenths of a mile from where Lane's body was found. They are confident they caught the gator that killed the boy, but there is no way to know for sure because of the messiness of the bites. And there was no distinct bite pattern as a result of the struggle with the father.

[Henry Zabrowski]

So he got God on circumstantials.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

He just happened to be in the same neighborhood.

[Marcus Parks]

That's right.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Dude, that's racism, man.

[Marcus Parks]

Absolutely.

[Henry Zabrowski]

How fucking dare they, man, just pick him up just because he kind of looked like the guy?

[Marcus Parks]

That's what happens, man. Especially for alligators.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Unfucking believable. I think that. Because what's the alligator going to learn if you pull it out, right? It's like with the dog, right? If you go out to the bathroom or if you go out of town or any go out there or you got out for the night and you come back in, the dog shat on the floor. It's been more than three minutes. The dog's not going to take and understand that the. This is why you're angry, why you're upset. They're just going to think you're upset, you're angry. They're not going to connect the two. How's this alligator going to be re. Like, how is he going to be rehabbed?

[Marcus Parks]

It doesn't matter. They killed all six of them.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, they.

[Ed Larson]

I think they just shoot all of them because, you know, after all, there are 6 million of them.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Now, if you shoot an alligator like that, like, let's say you take a rapist or a murder alligator and you take them. Oh, can we get briefcases from them?

[Marcus Parks]

Absolutely. I'll get to that in a second. After both alligators were autopsied, their stomachs were empty, which means they were hungry and more likely quickly go for more unusual prey. Lane's body was found intact, minus some superficial wounds that we talked about earlier. So there would be nothing in the stomach of the offending alligator.

[Ed Larson]

Ah, so this was some detective work here.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah. Also we know that an alligator with an empty stomach in June would desperately need food because energy is needed for mating season.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Interesting.

[Marcus Parks]

So I would say that it is about a 95% chance that they caught the correct alligator. But unfortunately for the other alligators, all were euthanized. In fact, this is when what I'm calling the Great Disney World Alligator massacre began. Okay.

[Henry Zabrowski]

So they had to literally like declare war on alligators.

[Marcus Parks]

Disney was like, fuck this shit. No more gators.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, that's the thing is like, if Disney is going to go after a daycare that has Disney characters painted on the outside of their. On the outside of the house, what do you think they're going to do to a species who murders a guest?

[Henry Zabrowski]

I guess they have to wipe them out because. Well, then they do. They put cats. Then they give cats. They put those in Disney at night to cats catch the mice.

[Marcus Parks]

Disney World in Disneyland is covered in cats and they kill the mice, ironically, because, you know, Mickey mouse.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

From 2007 to 2015, before this all happened, trappers removed an average of 23 gators a year from Walt Disney Disney World. In 2016, the year of the attack, Florida Fish and wildlife removed 83, most after June, when the attack happened the following year, 5730 in 2018 and 2019. But during the pandemic in 2020, when Disney was closed, they were hard at work getting rid of gators when they removed over 50 in just a matter of a couple of months.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Damn. They just smoked them out.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. So some of these so called nuisance gators are moved to zoos, but most are euthanized. The trappers, in fact, sell their meat and skin to make extra money.

[Henry Zabrowski]

All right, so they do. They sell the meat. Right.

[Marcus Parks]

They're the meat and the skin.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But it's still.

[Marcus Parks]

And probably the bones too.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Isn't alligator leather still technically illegal?

[Marcus Parks]

No, they sell it down there.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. Does it?

[Marcus Parks]

Well, now that they're not endangered anymore, they're still protected, but they're not endangered anymore. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

You can buy alligators, Alligator leather off of Amazon.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, I guess it does feel strange.

[Marcus Parks]

Still, you know it's wrong. Yeah, I will say it. But that being said, I also bought an alligator head and then my dog ate.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's a cycle.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Sometimes you leave Florida and then it comes back, comes back and tries to kill your dog.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's what happens. I also feel like if. It's more just like if I. If an alligator kills. Killed Wendy, I'd want it shot in the head and skinned and then I'd have the briefcase made from that alligator. That's power.

[Marcus Parks]

That is power versus that's where I do. I just randomly.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, I like that. I like the revenge.

[Ed Larson]

Because you want a Happy Gilmore type situation. Yes. And then remember it killed Chubbs.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, yeah. And then I can show other alligators my bag.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And then don't you with me.

[Marcus Parks]

You know another thing, why don't you just move them to another lake or swamp? Well, because most gators will try to find their way home. They, they, they have a great sense of direction and they'll end up just walking long distances in the night in search of their home. Whoa.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Will they hitchhike?

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Never pick up a gator.

[Marcus Parks]

My dad hit one when driving when I was a kid.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Whoa.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, it was crazy. Yeah, he was. He also hit a moose. I think he was a bad driver.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, I think he was aiming for them. Just know if you are going to pick up a gator, that's why it's always important to bring some raw chicken with you when you go on a long haul road trip during the south in the Southeast, because then you give them that whole chicken, they'll snap. And then you can safely drive them to wherever they need to go.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. And keep it in your trunk so it gets nice and stinky. Alligators also are very territorial. And if you introduce a dominant male into a lake where it doesn't live, it often causes all the gators to fight each other, which is never good. But it is fun to see a goddamn gator fight. That's right.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's a gator fight.

[Marcus Parks]

Alligator attacks on people in Florida are rare. And in fact, this was the only death from an alligator in the history of Orange County, Florida.

[Ed Larson]

Wow.

[Marcus Parks]

Now I know what you're thinking. I bet these parents sued the doggy dick off of Goofy and Pluto.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, I mean they better. Man, I want, I want Minnie's pants.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Well, this was all slept under the rug pretty quickly by Disney. And the Graves family never officially filed a lawsuit against the theme park.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Good for them.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. We are sure that there was a significant payout to the Graves family, but the amount has never been disclosed. And to this day, the Graves family has never said a bad thing about Walt Disney World. Lawyer Justin Ziggler wrote an interesting article, if you want to check it out, about what the payout might have been in a case like this. And the number that's been shared a lot is 10 million, 5 million for each parent. And then Disney on the record record gave Ella, the four year old daughter, the sister, $50,000 for emotional damage.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It is at least it wasn't Just like. And here's an ice cream cone.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Don't you want to meet Pluto?

[Marcus Parks]

Oh my God.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, while like looking all this up, I found a. An alligator had gotten into the lake or the river surrounding Splash Mountain. And then it was like trying to get into Splash and there's like a cast. Remember, like hitting it with a pool skimmer, trying to keep it out of there.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You know, it's like. Tyler, you're gonna need to go get that skimmer. And I need you go out there and you just keep that gator at bay until we get the squad in there.

[Marcus Parks]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Henry Zabrowski]

All right, Mr. Listen, Mr. Man, Mr. Gator man, you're not getting in this ride. You didn't pay for a ticket.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, it's believed with this money that Matt and Melissa Graves started the Lane Thomas foundation, which is the charity organization that tries to convince parents whose kids pass away suddenly. Suddenly to donate the organs of their newly dead kid so others may live. So far, they have saved the lives of a handful of children. And that's okay with me.

[Ed Larson]

That's great.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, wow. Yeah. You see, I feel like good out of the bad. It does work and it. And it's hard because that's nature. There's very little you could do about it. It's a tragic accident. Because I'm not saying that that alligator ain't mean no alligator don't know.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

He was a child playing around he size of chicken. All right. You see, look, some of these kids. Sometimes I mistake kids for chickens.

[Ed Larson]

Two year olds are far larger than chickens.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, man. I mean, not big, much bigger. This kid was a bigger than a turkey. 30 pounds. There's 30 pound turkey.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's my goal weight for turkey.

[Ed Larson]

Hey, turkey and a two year old. I. I'll allow it.

[Marcus Parks]

All right.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yum.

[Marcus Parks]

I know when I was two, I was like 70 pounds. Yeah. Dude, you nothing to do with me.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You look like a side of mutton.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

But Disney made some slight changes after Lane's passing. There's more swimming or fishing without Disney supervision in the Seven Seas Lagoon. Remember when we were kids you could just. Anyone could fish in there. You could jump in there. There was water skiing. All that shit's gone now. There are signs warning of snakes and alligators. The movies under the stars events have been moved inside. And the light up alligator in the nighttime water pageant on the lake was also removed.

[Ed Larson]

Light up alligator.

[Marcus Parks]

Water of lights that every night.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. Can't even think about alligators.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Tik tok from Peter Pan got taken out.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, I love Tik Tok.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Proof he the first child killer.

[Henry Zabrowski]

He's the very first one.

[Marcus Parks]

There is now a monument close to where the attack took place. It's a lighthouse with two stars on it representing Lane's two years of life. And a plaque that says the Lane Thomas Foundation. A beacon of hope, a light of love, a.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's nice, Eddie.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I'm glad it wasn't a cafeteria or something. If they put a big. Like that turkey leg stand where he was first eaten, you know, no alligators in Zootopia.

[Marcus Parks]

So maybe in Zootopia too, they could name an alligator Lane.

[Ed Larson]

You know, interesting though is that when you say. When you mentioned the name Zootopia, the first image I had was like a big goofy alligator on the. On the front cover.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, that thing.

[Marcus Parks]

The one you're thinking of is the gator that dances with the hippo in Fantasia. Maybe.

[Ed Larson]

Maybe.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I think. Thinking of Sing.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. No.

[Ed Larson]

Sing's got a pig. There's no cry. There's no alligators in Sing. I love Sing. The movie's wonderful.

[Marcus Parks]

Sing too. Who knows? The Graves family has since welcomed another son into the world. And my guess is he won't be going to Florida waters anytime soon.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, that's nice. They can make another one.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, when Floridians. Oh, you could take your ears off now. That's the end of our story. Yeah. Thank you for participating.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Thank you for the branding.

[Marcus Parks]

Could have told me. No, no, no.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You know. No. It's called yes. And so we are locked in.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. When Floridians are not busy getting eaten alive by alligators. Floridians are also famous for eating each other.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. We covered this story a million years ago when it very first happened. We covered. We did a little thing called zombie attacks.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, I. I think it was called erratic behavior.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes, it was during a time period a lot of erratic behavior was going on. I believe it was the same guy that had cut open his own belly deli while at a traffic stop. There was a couple of. But this story now, especially then, we did not know all the details because they. You know, the big thing that got spun out of the story was about the bath salts and all. And it turns out you could be super hungry sober.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Fly from your grave. Let me ask you something. As you sit there just licking the sides of a sandwich. Can you name every single subscription that you have? I mean, think about it right now. Sit there, start listing them out. No, you're wrong. All Right. Because they get you, man. They get you. I was paying for this newspaper. I went, I, I was like, oh, I want to start reading this Florida newspaper. So I subscribed to it. You know what happened to me? All of a sudden I get a bill for $110. What's that? Now I'm stuck reading this paper that's not that good. For a full year. For $110, Rocket Money would have made sure I wasn't a dumb dumb and accidentally bought a subscription for $110 to a newspaper that I'm never going to read. Rocket Money, if you're curious, is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps you lower your bills. You can grow your savings. That's right. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 million in cancel subscriptions, cancel these subscriptions unless it's, you know, to us. But Rocket Money even help you do that, to be honest. You know. So maybe it's counterproductive that I'm even telling you about Rocket Money, but the truth is they're going to save you money. So stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocket money.com lpotl that's rocket money.com lpotl rocket money.com lp that's a rocket.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Europe United is a nonprofit that exists to close the opportunity divide and give young people access to the resources needed to get a job in the field they desire. Europe United offers ten plus career pathways that vary by area and are one year or less. Students can get access to 250 plus Fortune 500 corporate partners. All of this is at no cost to you. Europe United is completely tuition. Students can even earn college credit at some locations to offset basic expenses. Students are provided with a weekly educational stipend. Applicants must be 18 to 29 years old with a high school diploma or GED. To learn more or apply today, visit europe.org the holiday season around the corner, little girl. And we're all looking for ways to spend in stress. Like me, I'm eating my reindeer because I found out their meat is succulent and delicious. But since I've already run out, it's time for me to get hello Fresh. Oh so much blood. Hello Fresh makes meal time nearly hassle free with delicious home delivered chef crafted recipes that come together quick and are less expensive than takeout. And it's nice cause it gives time for Mrs. Claus to shop for lingerie. Oh, yes, thank you. Hello, Fresh. I know when I'm looking upon my elves practice making toys it shirtless down to the waist. I know I'm watching the finest toy making professionals in the world. And I don't need to worry about my factory because it's in good hands while I'm eating. Hello, fresh. Watching, watching through the cameras, watching as they work. Oh, Mrs. Claus is here. Time to wrap up the commercial. Get 10 free [e-mail] Freelpo applied across seven boxes. New subscribers only. Varies by plan. That's 10 free hello Fresh meals. Just go to hellofresh.com free lpotl well.

[Marcus Parks]

When you think of Florida cannibalism, one case immediately jumps to mind. Thank God. More don't. The 2012 Miami Cannibal attack, where a man named Rudy Eugene stripped naked walked across the MacArthur Causeway and ate Ron Papo's face for 18 minutes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Eighteen long chomping minutes.

[Marcus Parks]

That's right. It's a shame because if he got to 20, they would have called Guinness.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Isn't it a shame because then you.

[Ed Larson]

D still the king.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Famous for two things. Yeah, old Rudy Eugene, man, he looks upset in this picture.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, this obscene attack earned him the nickname the causeway cannibal. Not to be confused with the turnpike taster from New Jersey or the roundabout rumager, who was Parisian, I believe. To this day, no one knows what turned this man into a craven face, thirsty animal, the canton culinarian.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, it is very interesting because his family came out hard in the paint to take care of him and support him and say, like he was a loving family member. He had some problems with people with the law in the past, but nothing that significant.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, he's. We'll, we'll talk about what, what someone in one of his family members believes was the cause in a little bit. The consensus at the time was.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, I thought it wasn't the Burger King Valley meal going up.

[Marcus Parks]

No, wasn't this time. The consensus at the time was bath salts, which raised even more questions than answers.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, everyone was obsessed with smoking bath salts. Say you're making you go psycho. But I still had never met a person that smoked bath salts.

[Marcus Parks]

They're not friendly.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, they're going, hi, names. My name's Jeff Taylor. I smoke bath salts. On January 26, 1993, you might be.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Smelling that on my breath. That's called eucalyptus and mint. I had, I just took a hit earlier today. I gotta get down to Triple B. Is Bed, Bath and Beyond. I gotta get down there right now. Honestly, I gotta get talk to my doctor.

[Marcus Parks]

Even if it was so, Eugene's autopsy only turned it up. Trace amounts of marijuana and trace amounts.

[Ed Larson]

Is like, you may have smoked yesterday or the day before.

[Marcus Parks]

He smoked weed a lot.

[Ed Larson]

Okay.

[Marcus Parks]

I don't know. I probably shouldn't have wrote the word trace. But also I just took it straight from the article.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Eddie and I both. Eddie learned when he was doing because THC's fat solvent. Like, he learned that when he was in parole that he tested positive for weed for nine months.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, living in my fat.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's in your fat, so you taste positive for you.

[Marcus Parks]

But he said as long as it kept going down, they wouldn't send me back to jail.

[Ed Larson]

I remember I had to. I remember I had to quit smoking weed for a month to get a fucking janitor's job.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, yeah, buddy.

[Marcus Parks]

God, just. They should give you weed with the job.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, I was working.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, I want my janitor's stone.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah, I was working as a temp, as a janitor. And the boss, like took me aside. He's like, so, hey, listen, you know, you like working here. I was like, yeah, it's great. I just get to fucking listen to music and just walk around while he's like, so if you want a full time job here, you know, you can have it. But let me ask you something. I need you to be real honest with me. Can you pass a drug test? And if you. When can you pass a drug test? And I was like, 30 days. And he said, like, good enough for me. We'll put in the paperwork in three weeks.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You see, Cause that's the thing, being a janitor, I don't want you drunk. Cause that's when you start fucking sucking people stoned. You're not gonna be fucking and sucking, right? Like a drunk janitor. He's plotting and sitting. He's thinking he's smoking, he's thinking he's drinking and he's thinking, he's thinking about how like, yeah, I could see that child being adult in my mind. I take that, my child on a time trip in my mind.

[Marcus Parks]

I remember like when I worked at the Crystal River Seafood in Tallahassee. One day I came in, I was, you know, jovial, joking with everybody, and my boss was like, oh, man, you came in high today, huh? And then I was like, you'll know. He's like, if you want to know when I'm high, it's when I come in here and I just start working.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, it was weird because it was just weed in his system. And now, you know, I smoke lots of weed and the worst thing I've ever eaten is Applebee's.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Don't you fucking. Who knows, okay? Who knows? We're still looking for some Applebee's. Come on board. We can change Eddie. We can change him.

[Marcus Parks]

The cause remains a mystery. Although honestly, I think I might have cracked it. Let's roll back the clocks and zombie walk our way to May 26, 2012. That morning, 31 year old Rudy Eugene drove across the Coffee Causeway to check out the Urban Beach Week, an annual south beach hip hop festival which I'm sure goes smoothly every year. And there is, there is no way.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That the atmosphere there led to this at all.

[Marcus Parks]

A Miami New Times article posted only three days after the attack reported that this year's fest came and went with little commotion. Sure, a man got eaten alive, his.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Fake nose and eyeballs got chewed upon, but otherwise it was great.

[Marcus Parks]

Urban Beach Week standards. Not a hiccup. Going to Miami.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Going to E.O. you in Miami.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, Eugene only stayed at the fest for 30 or so minutes before abandoning his car and starting to walk across the three mile long causeway. Inside his car, police later found a Bible in five empty water bottles, apparently overheating. Eugene stripped off his clothes and was nude by the time he encountered 65 year old Ronald Poppo, an unhoused man originally from Brooklyn. Papo drifted down the Florida in the 70s and had lived on the streets ever since.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Honestly, if you're going to be, that's the place to be.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, I mean, well, that's. There are lots of homeless in Miami, there's lots of homeless in Los Angeles.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Because the weather's beautiful, the weather is.

[Marcus Parks]

Better, and it's an easier place to live outside all year long. According to Papo, Eugene approached him in a friendly manner, but then started complaining that he couldn't score at the beach. And then he accused Papo of stealing his Bible and then he started beating and eating him. This would prove to be Eugene's last supper. Eyewitnesses Larry Vega said. Eyewitness Larry Vega said the guy was like tearing him to pieces with his mouth. So I told him, get off man.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Quit doing that, dude. Yeah, he's not bad.

[Marcus Parks]

The other guy just kept eating and I'm just like, wow, dude, ripping his skin.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's like, hey dude, lay off that guy or whatever. I gotta go, my Starbucks is ready.

[Marcus Parks]

Officer Jose Ramirez arrived at the gruesome scene and reportedly did a double take. And then Eugene did a spit take.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I was gonna make the joke.

[Marcus Parks]

I was gonna make the joke. And then another spectator got hit with a seltzer bottle.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's the funniest day in Miami. That's a funny day. But they said apparently the guy that out his face, it was like he saw Rudy. He saw Rudy?

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And he said that he came off the beach, and so, like, he was, like, walking up, and apparently Rudy kept talking about how he had a bad day at the beach.

[Marcus Parks]

Man.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And it's just like, I've had bad days at the beach.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, most of them are bad. Especially when I don't have a chair. I hate sitting on the ground.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I hate sand. Oh, hate sand.

[Marcus Parks]

And it's everywhere there, everywhere.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And I. Yeah, that's wild, right? Because then he comes right up to him and just starts eating his face. Dude, it's not good, man.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, Officer Ramirez pointed his gun at Eugene and told him to stop. In response, the naked man merely raised his head with pieces of flesh in his mouth, growled, and then resumed his business. Wow. So Ramirez shot him, which proved to be ineffective. So he shot him four more times, which I. Which we all know a kind of side effect of marijuana is to get shot. And nothing happened to you most of the time. Maybe it was to Teva. I don't know.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Sometimes what I do is just have Natalie see if she can contain me. After I'm smoking a bowl, I just say, contain me. And then it is very difficult for her to do it because sometimes turn into a liquid, go under the door. Sometimes I turn into a batch of butterflies, and I can't be controlled. I go everywhere into the sky. I turn into. I turn this.

[Ed Larson]

Many magical things happen under the influence of marijuana.

[Henry Zabrowski]

We're all aware of this. I love my home.

[Marcus Parks]

By the time Papo reached the hospital, 80% of his face was gone, both of his eyes gouged out. An officer said it was eaten down to his goatee. In a later interview, Papa would say, eugene just ripped me to ribbons, which is putting it very Paul Lind like it is.

[Ed Larson]

He just ripped me to ribbons.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You wouldn't even believe. Oh, you see me? You should see the other guy. He got his nose eaten off.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

His eyeballs got sucked out. His fucking googly bit off his cheeks, which I actually didn't know that was that. I didn't know that you could bite somebody's nose off.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's just another part of the American dream that I haven't got to yet.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, the human J. I mean, you mentioned how strong the alligator's Jaw is. The human jaw is incredibly strong.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Really? Yes.

[Ed Larson]

The human jaw. I. Let me see where we stand.

[Marcus Parks]

How many pounds of pressure?

[Ed Larson]

How.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, cuz a gator, remember, is 3,000 pounds of pressure.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I mean, the gator is going to be stronger than us.

[Marcus Parks]

Of course. It's one of the strongest in the animal kingdom.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's all mouth.

[Ed Larson]

No, it's 100. We. We could do 150.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

On the molar.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You can rip off these. You can rip it out at somebody's nose off.

[Marcus Parks]

Like hyena's got a really strong jaw too. I bet don't with those. I'm not trying to, but that level of detachment saying he just ripped me to ribbons was kind of Papo's vibe. After a facial reconstruction that left him looking like a shrimp wrapped skull, he was mostly just grateful. And when he asked if he blames Eugene, he said, I'm sure that that man had a bad day that day.

[Henry Zabrowski]

He is not wrong.

[Ed Larson]

He's a good listener.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But his family said that they thought he was dead. They thought he was dead when they found him. And technically when the guy ate his face off, it weirdly turned his life around. Like it brought him into like now he's in medically assisted living because he's extreme. Because he's like. I mean it's not a sensitive way to say this, you know, like Stevie Wonder went blind in a romantic way and other people go blind in a way. We're like, that's an inspirational way.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You know, he went blind in the.

[Marcus Parks]

Worst way, I think.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I think actually the worst way he went blind.

[Ed Larson]

Blinded by eating, Blinding by.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, because it's like. Because he did a whole description of his. Of what happened to him.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. I mean he's got a great attitude about the situation. In fact, he was offered more facial reconstruction and he was like, n it. I'm good.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That is a. That is a. An I attitude if I've ever heard one. Just being like, hey, you want a nose? Nah.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, Henry found. Henry found this. Let's listen to Papo tell some of the story in his own words. A hitchhiker returned from the beginning.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Was kind of in a glad mood for a while.

[Marcus Parks]

Then he turned kind of vicious after a minute or two and he started to rip me apart. He smashed my face into the sidewalk. My face was all patched up. My eyes got plucked out. He was strangling me in wrestling holes at the same time that he was picking my eyes out. He was strangling me in wrestling holes for A very short amount of time. I thought he was a good guy, but he just went and turned by berserk.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's how, you know, you never know. And that's why it's really, really important to do background checks.

[Marcus Parks]

He was coming back, and I guess.

[Henry Zabrowski]

He took it out.

[Marcus Parks]

Took it out on me or something. I don't know. Yeah, you know, so. But other than being seemingly delicious, we don't know a ton about Ron Papa, to be honest.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You know what I was watching? I was watching one of my new favorite shows called Culinary wars right now. It's from Culinary Class wars on Netflix. I absolutely love it. And one of the things that they taught you as a. As a restaurant, tacos, but what they talk about is check the leftovers. Like, as a restaurant owner, you should be checking the leftovers because you can see what people like and what they don't like and what they don't finish. And I think one of the big problems is that I don't think he was very delicious because of how much he left.

[Ed Larson]

I think he was. Actually, I would. I would say the opposite on that. He was extremely delicious because he. The other man had to be shot four times to get him to stop eating him.

[Marcus Parks]

I mean, yeah, of the face, truly.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But there's so much he left.

[Marcus Parks]

The lips and chin.

[Henry Zabrowski]

There's so much more of them. He's so much more dick hands.

[Ed Larson]

Have you ever had a meal so good that someone had to shoot you with a 9 millimeter to get you to stop?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, yeah, there's a couple. There's a couple. I think that you could definitely, like.

[Marcus Parks]

Show them the scars.

[Henry Zabrowski]

If you show me. If you put a Peter Luger steak in front of me, and I went to go take a piece of it, and you try to take it away from me. Yeah, I could probably. You could probably shoot me in.

[Ed Larson]

You could take two bullets before you go.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Be like, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right. I'll go to dinner someplace else.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, here's what we do know about Ron Papo. He went to the prestigious Stuyvesant High School in Brooklyn.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's where I was going to go. Oh, time soon. You have to test in.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. He was in the Latin Club, and he had high hopes for his future writing In a schoolmate's 1964 yearbook. First Italian in the White House. 1984. Wow. Yeah. He got married and then divorced and was on the streets in Florida by 1976, unfortunately.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's very fast. Yeah, that's very, very fast.

[Marcus Parks]

Especially when you're trying to be president in 84.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I feel like. Yeah, that's gonna. Not really. You're really gonna have to work on that grassroots campaign.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. He has an estranged daughter who had no idea he was even alive until he was eaten alive. Since the attack, has been allowed to live at the Medicaid facility indefinitely. And he's still there to this day. Rudy Eugene, on the other hand, is still dead. He's no longer zombified. But let's talk about his life and see what we can piece together. The why of it all. Born and raised in Miami, Eugene's parents immigrated from Haiti shortly after his birth. He grew up in religious household and was a high school football star. After high school he mostly worked dead end jobs, bouncing between fast food restaurants and telemarketing companies. At the time of the attack, he was working at a car wash. Though even in adulthood he remained religious, was always carrying around a bible. Still, Rudy was a very angry man and had a history of violent behavior. His marriage ended a few years prior and according to his ex wife, he was physically abusive. He'd been arrested eight times, including one incident where he trashed his mother's home and threatened to kill her. Most of other arrests were marijuana related and he had a weed habit which according to his girlfriend, he was trying to kick. Unfortunately, that weed habit was his only redeemable quality. Which brings us to the main culprit, the alleged explanation for this unthinkable act. Drugs. Side note, Rudy's then girlfriend was pretty much the only one who didn't blame drugs. She was convinced it was a voodoo curse.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, she got. She said that he was taken over and he was possessed by Damon. But I mean, you know, it's just more just. It's just an excuse.

[Marcus Parks]

God. Just, you know, you have to try it is your boyfriend explained it somehow.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I kissed him and he ate that man's face. Because eating the face is truly the, the. It's just a different type of crime than he's ever done.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. You know, and the rest of us, we're thinking it was probably drugs. Specifically bath salts. Well, what are they? I remember the hoopla at the time and thinking people were actually smoking bath and body works. I remember that turns out not to be true. If it were, it would have made for a great smelling zombie. Hey, do you guys smell fresh cotton sheets?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh God. I knew it. I knew it was that yankee candle.

[Marcus Parks]

Hello, 911. I'm being eaten alive by a man that smells like Christmas cookies.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, Incredible. Where did he get that breath?

[Marcus Parks]

Well, bath salts are actually the street name for synthetic amphetamines that you buy at a gas station under brands like Vanilla sky or Cloud 9. They're called designer drugs, not because they're fancy, but because they're chemically designed to duck the law.

[Ed Larson]

So these are like spice and all that crazy shit? Yeah, spice is insane in Brooklyn. Spice used to be.

[Marcus Parks]

It took over.

[Ed Larson]

It really took over.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, yeah, the Myrtle Broadway.

[Marcus Parks]

Stop the myrtle disaster.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, because that big boy deli was selling all that shit out in front. The came and recorded our album like two doors down from there. So every time you had to walk past all these spice zombies.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, I saw a woman walking through the middle of the street there and a car honking at her. And so she started headbutting the hood of the car.

[Ed Larson]

Jesus.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, that's true New Yorker.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, I lived off that. Off for two years.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, both bath salts are man made version of cathinone, a derivative of South African shrub called the cot plant. Practically unknown to us, but over 20 million people in the Arabian Peninsula in East Africa chew cot leaves daily. Oh. It was chosen because it's an easy molecule to tweak. And due to its relative obscurity, these shady designer labs realized they could easily evade legality by constantly changing one or two aspects of the formula. It's like avoiding copyright infringement.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, it's exactly what they do with spice as well.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, they're constantly tweaking it to stay one step ahead of the dea. They don't even update the branding when they change the recipe, they just put new crap in the same bag. So 2012's Vanilla sky is completely different than 2014's Vanilla Sky. Why waste the bags? I guess super environmental. Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Wow, that is nice.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. And back then, the prevalent Vanilla sky iteration was a mdpv. Street name Monkey Dust. Yes, I know. Sounds awesome.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, it does.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I do like it. Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Now, anyone, would you like to come with me and enjoy and perhaps smoke this bowl of monkey dust? Wow.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Okay.

[Marcus Parks]

Now, anyone familiar with the dust knows that it's a strong high, but it doesn't make you crave flesh like any upper. It mostly makes you pitch horrible business ideas and punch cards.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Not be able. Able to have sex a lot.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Everyone got an idea. Shoes for birds.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Listen, it's a market no one's thinking about.

[Marcus Parks]

Everyone was very surprised when Eugene's autopsy came up clean. The toxicology reports directly contradict the public consciousness that this was in fact done by basalt.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. Because it took over the whole country. Everybody was talking and screaming about bath salts and about. Because they're looking for an excuse as to why he did this. And it just seems like he went temporarily mad and then. Or legitimately just. We talk about this a little bit on last podcast. Like, the concept of, you know, sometimes going crazy is just about sort of giving yourself the permission to give in to a very dark impulse in the moment because you've just decided to stop caring. Like, it's just like. And yes, that is what the madness is. But. But this guy, like essentially just decided to say fuck all normal life, maybe.

[Ed Larson]

I mean, he did just. He seems like a man who had mental problems. Definitely. But violent mental problems, unlike most people who have mental problems. But it seemed like he really did just turn off the safety.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes.

[Marcus Parks]

So maybe it was voodoo. If it was, Eugene was likely possessed by a voodoo God, AKA Aloha. Maybe it was Baron Kremlin Manel who was known to eat the flesh of his host if he isn't presented with the food he likes. Or perhaps it was Congo Savannah man eating loa who grinds his victims into corn.

[Ed Larson]

I would say the last one was the most.

[Marcus Parks]

That.

[Ed Larson]

That would be the most likely one because the middle one, that guy, he would have.

[Marcus Parks]

The.

[Ed Larson]

Rudy would have eaten himself.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's the thing. Yeah, he would have convinced him to do it. Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, listen, I have another theory. All right. On May 16, 2012, 11 days before the attack, the Senate introduced a bill called the Synthetic Drug Abuse Prevention act, which directly banned monkey dust, classifying it as a Schedule 1 narcotic, as illegal as it gets.

[Ed Larson]

So the words monkey dust are like, are in the books in America?

[Marcus Parks]

I believe so.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's amazing.

[Marcus Parks]

Now the gas station drug business is founded on skirting drug legislation, staying one step ahead of the man. And you bet they had another formula in the hopper which surfaced in the EU as early as 2011, called Alpha PvP, street name Flocka or Gravel.

[Ed Larson]

Oh yeah, I remember Flocka very well.

[Marcus Parks]

Flocka would soon gain infamy, specifically in South Florida, the epicenter being the suburbs of Dade and Broward counties, starting in early 2013, peaking in 2015, until it was finally classified as Schedule 1 all the way in 2017. Compared to Monkey dust, Flocka hits differently. The high is aggressive, manic with hyperstimulation, vivid hallucinations, severe shifts in mood and rage severe enough to trigger self harm or violence, earning itself the nickname the zombie drug. It caused one Fort Lauderdale man to try and break down the front door of A police station. And when that failed, he climbed their bike fence it, impaled himself on it. That case was closed pretty quickly. Another flock ahead in Anaheim out by us, stripped naked and started charging at cars like a bull. This stuff doesn't just make zombies. It makes fast zombies.

[Henry Zabrowski]

World war Z train 28 days later zombies.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes. Now watch this. Watch the Anaheim guy. I got a video of it. I just want you all to see it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That guy was just charging at.

[Marcus Parks]

He went fast. Dude, that was completely nasty. Got into her car at her Anaheim apartment 30 Saturday night.

[Henry Zabrowski]

She never saw this coming. And then all of a sudden, on the rearview mirror of my vehicle, I see this naked guy just running towards my neighbor's car. Which is exactly truck.

[Marcus Parks]

Police say security tape shows 21 year old Garrett Smith throwing himself into her neighbor Charlie Barnes minivan.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Dude, get him at the combine.

[Marcus Parks]

Our neighbor, you know, told me the story, and I didn't believe. Vidrio panicked once he fell back.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I was scared. I was shocked. I didn't know what else to do.

[Marcus Parks]

So I backed up right into her neighbor's fence. As she tried to get away, the suspect charged at her.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's when he jumped on my vehicle. The whole body in the front of my windshield.

[Marcus Parks]

That's awesome. Terrified, Vidrio stepped on the gas once.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I turned and I bumped into my neighbor's van. That's when I saw the guy flying off the car.

[Marcus Parks]

She needed to shake him, slam into this wall. She called 91 1.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Whoa. He is trucking. Dude, I was scared. I literally thought I was gonna die that day. Hey, you know, as long as he's got his cardio in. That's so hard.

[Ed Larson]

That's incredible.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, it's nuts what this does to you. So back in May 2012, monkey dust is criminalized, and these labs have alpha PVP waiting in the wings, specifically ready to launch itself. Florida and when you know, south beach would likely get the first shipment. So it's possible Eugene was on gravel. No way to know now. Well, one thing we know that did turn up in his autopsy was a handful of unidentifiable pills. And while medical examiners at the time could test for monkey dust, they had Nothing for Alpha PvP. They had no idea it existed yet. They didn't develop that test until late 2013.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's fascinating. So he was just probably on. He was on something else.

[Ed Larson]

Most likely he's on Flocka. Did you read about what, where flock is, like, growing now?

[Marcus Parks]

No.

[Ed Larson]

The Netherlands.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, my God.

[Ed Larson]

Like, as of April of this Year, it says the use of the extremely addictive drug Flocka is increasing and the zombie drug is causing more problems. In the Netherlands last year, Dutch cops responded to 995 incidents involving Flocka users.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, my God.

[Ed Larson]

Up from 614 a year early.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's.

[Marcus Parks]

Try it. I want to try it. That's for the new intern.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, the new intern. They're going to try to do. It's like, okay, you got to do. You got to go to Costco on Flocka.

[Ed Larson]

Barely. It's been, like, since 2018. Says these are people with inexplicable behavior who cause nuisance. For example, people walk the street at night, naked or not, and then sneak into the gardens of local residences.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. So there you have it. On May 26, 2012, I think Rudy Eugene stopped off at a circle. Okay. Grabbed five water bottles and a pack of new and improved Vanilla sky on his way to a hip hop concert and came back as a zombie with a hankering for Italian beef.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Was he the Causeway cannibal or was he really Flocka patient zero? Probably both. So, in short, why is Florida so fucked up? Is it really worse than Ohio? I've read the news. I don't know. Crazy shit happens everywhere. Everywhere, right? But in Florida, it's got that little extra oomph, you know, because it's an end of the world society. People in Florida do dumb. I mean, When I was 22, I bought an AK47 with my tax return to protect my drugs. Do you know what it's like to live in a place That's August for 11 months out of the goddamn year? It's hot, man, and it makes you crazy. And then we drink because we're hot, and now we're drunk and we're crazy. Okay?

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's also just the place that renegades have been going for a long.

[Marcus Parks]

The place is a ticking time bomb. Every time a hurricane comes, you're like, all right, this could be it. The waters are coming in. Three blocks into Miami beach, multiple mayors have been screaming at multiple presidents about it. You got dinosaurs in your backyard, people releasing exotic pets. There's new animals every other month. When I was a kid, there were no iguanas. Now there's statues of them, okay? Floridians are fighting a war against the swamp, and the swamp will win. It's not if. It's when. The mangroves are the only thing holding in the Everglades. And once they die, the ocean connects to one of the biggest swamps in the world, and everything's Underwater. Now, if that doesn't make you want to pack your pipe full of monkey dust, I don't know what the will.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Hey, monkey dust is only going to keep you more agitated in the end time. So I say switch to that indica monkey dust. You gotta want some of that sleepy time monkey dust.

[Marcus Parks]

That's panda dust.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes, you're right.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Koala. Yeah. Some Kuala.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. So that's the. That's Florida files. Eaten alive special. Shout out to Grant Gordon who helped research and write the script for this, and Disney Dan for helping me research the story of Lane Graves.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's good work, Eddie. Good work.

[Ed Larson]

Thank you so much.

[Marcus Parks]

Great work.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Trip down to Florida and we learned a lot and I don't want to go back.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, I can't wait for more Florida files.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But we're gonna be back. Just so you know, we're also gonna be doing some live shows in Florida. We're figuring out when we're doing that. We will be doing that.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

For those of you to check and go to Last podcast and left.com. we're in Atlanta. That's close.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, that's going to be in January. Yeah, we're going to be in Atlanta at the Coca Cola Theater, whatever Coca Cola Theater that is. You know what it is?

[Henry Zabrowski]

The Roxy.

[Marcus Parks]

The Coca Cola rocks.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Go out to patreon.com podcast and left to watch us yell and scream. Go to LP on the left and all the various socials to see us on socials. And you'll get your socials and go to Twitch tv.

[Marcus Parks]

LPN tv.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, you get the Twitch shows and then go to YouTube on our YouTube to watch them after the fact.

[Marcus Parks]

New York City will be there the first week of December at King's Theater in Brooklyn. I can't wait for that fucking show. That's going to be amazing. I've wanted to play that place my whole fucking life. And then of course, Atlanta in January, Dallas in February. And then we moved to the Ryman in March, Detroit in April and Toronto in May. We got a lot of shows coming up. Come get your tickets now. Go to that VIP experience. When we do a Q A afterwards, it's like you're getting a second show.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, we had a great time.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

And you get to. You get a sign poster and a lanyard. Lanyard, which I know Henry loves. Go to last podcast on the left.com to see when those dates are and to see where you can buy those tickets. Thank you so much, Edward.

[Marcus Parks]

No problem.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Really good work.

[Marcus Parks]

Thank you, guys. I love you guys. Also, quick, HGX2, the Hoopa Google game. Coming back, December 12th, 6:00pm Pacific, 9:00pm Eastern, to the LPN Twitch channel. That's Twitch TV. LPN TV.

[Ed Larson]

And let's just say that there may be a little bit of musical accompaniment.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Ed Larson]

On this episode.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, I wonder who that might be.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Who's going to be interesting? All right. Well, hail sweet Satan, everyone.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, Hell game.

[Marcus Parks]

Hell Lane Graves. Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Leave the little dogs at home in Florida.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Live at home. Take him to a park.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Front yard's good. Yes.

[Ed Larson]

Front yard's better. Get a fence.