Relaxed Fit: The 5th Annual Last Podcast On the Left March Madness of Murder

Summary

Last Podcast On The Left

Relaxed Fit: The 5th Annual Last Podcast On the Left March Madness of Murder

Release Date: March 27, 2026
Hosts: Marcus Parks, Henry Zebrowski, Ed Larson
Theme: The podcast’s signature annual event—a tongue-in-cheek “March Madness” tournament featuring a wild bracket of murderers, monsters, weirdos, historical figures, and oddball teams pitted against each other in imaginary death matches. This year shakes up the format: battles are fought by teams and occur within randomly assigned “biomes”—from lava worlds to Hardy’s parking lots—radically affecting matchups and outcomes.

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EPISODE OVERVIEW

The trio brings back their beloved “March Madness of Murder” for a fifth consecutive year, but with a major twist: teams rather than individuals, and every matchup takes place within a rotating, randomized biome (fantastical settings reminiscent of Super Mario levels or real-world locales). The result is a freewheeling, darkly comedic bracket that combines true crime, horror, surreal pop culture, and improvisational absurdity. Throughout, the hosts riff passionately on character strengths, weaknesses, “home field” advantages, and the gleeful chaos of their invented scenarios.

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DETAILED SUMMARY

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Tournament Structure & Format

• Teams, Not Individuals: This year’s March Madness bracket features teams instead of solo combatants—each group ranges from historical figures (the Einsatzgruppen) and urban legends (Chuds) to pop stars (Poison) and robot delivery vehicles (Waymos).

• Rotating Biomes: After each matchup is drawn, a random “biome” (location/environment) is assigned by die roll, drastically changing the strengths/weaknesses of each team. Biomes include Ice World, Molasses Field, Lava World, a Hardy’s parking lot, Minecart Level, Skyboat, and more.

  • [03:22] “We’ve added rotating biomes! … When each seed is chosen, after we find each matchup, we’re rolling an eight-sided die for each biome—and then a coin toss for the next round.” —Henry

• Bracket Regions: Standard March Madness format, Eastern and Western conferences—each side drafts matchups before assigning biomes and discussing each imaginary battle in detail.

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Key Discussion Points & Memorable Moments

1. Drawing the Teams and Setting the Brackets

• The hosts randomly draw names to populate the tournament field, ranging from surreal groups (Montauk Time Boys led by Barack Obama, a team of critter movie rip-offs, the Murdoch family “armed and drunk”) to notorious historical/real-life teams (Einsatzgruppen, Kentucky vampires, the starting lineup of the ‘85 Chicago Bears).
• Immediately, debate erupts: who gets home-field advantage? Can a pack of wolves outwit an alcoholic circus trainer? Is a Clarinet-wielding Woody Allen a better asset to Team Epstein, or is he a liability?
• [04:42] “The next several … Are we picking the biomes now or later?” —Ed
• [07:06] “Einsatzgruppen … at the end of a Soviet winter. They’re tired, they’re mean … they know they’re not going home after the war.” —Marcus

2. Eastern Conference: First Round Clashes

Key Matchups:

• Montauk Time Boys (Barack Obama, drone, etc.) vs. A Handful of Chuds (Ice World)

  • Obama’s time boys have science weapons, media savvy, and a flying chair; the Chuds are sewer mutants but are “hibernatory” in the cold.
  • [25:35] “The ice world is going to be a massive disadvantage for the chuds … but they are strong and single-minded.” —Henry
  • Result: Obama survives, loses three team members; Chuds “stick to the ice and get destroyed by sound weapons.”

• Einsatzgruppen vs. 1985 Chicago Bears Defense (Molasses Field)

  • Tired Nazis with knives only versus football legends in 6 inches of sticky goo.
  • [33:09] “I want that man [Mike Singletary] to beat an Einsatzgruppen to death with his hands and helmet.” —Marcus
  • Result: Nazis are overrun; “the Bears take it with the Super Bowl Shuffle.”

• Topsy the Elephant & Whitey vs. Pack of Hungry Wolves (Hardy’s Parking Lot)

  • [37:03] “I think Topsy’s gonna kill two wolves and the rest run away ... Whitey might lose an arm.” —Ed
  • Result: Topsy survives easily; wolves flee or are trampled.

• Gremlins Ripoffs (Critter, Ghoulie, Munchie, Troll) vs. Kentucky Vampires w/1 Real Vampire (Lava World)

  • [39:23] “A vampire gets thrust into lava ... Never seen, but I’m pretty certain it’ll kill ‘em.” —Marcus
  • Result: Lava world annihilates the vampires; the ripoffs let them “make their own mistake,” Sun Tzu-style.

3. Western Conference: First Round Fights

Key Matchups:

• Poison (band) vs. The Epstein Crew (Mossad, Woody Allen, Prince Andrew, etc.) (Austin’s 6th Street Saturday Night)
  • [46:14] “Poison knows this is their strength. They set up a collapsible stage and perform for thousands of Texans. The whole crowd kills Epstein, Chomsky, all of ‘em. Poison barely has to get their hands dirty.” —Marcus
  • “This is like Gonzaga going out in the first round!” —Henry, [48:26]
  • Result: Epstein Crew swept by public outrage; Woody Allen stabbed onstage.
• Murdoch Family (drunk, armed) vs. Two Frankensteins + Cumberbatch-as-Frankenstein (Skyboat)
  • [53:39] “Frankensteins, due to their nature—not really being alive, you have to destroy them completely. I don’t think the Murdochs have what it takes.” —Marcus
  • Result: Murdochs are overwhelmed; Cumberbatch’s “Mango-style” Frankenstein is cannonballed.
• 20 Chimney Sweeps & Master vs. Eastern European Hammer Maniacs (Minecart Level)
  • [57:13] “Advantage Chimney Sweep by far. They can take on sewers, pipes—minecart level is their home!” —Ed
  • Result: The master dies but the resilient, chaotic children swarm the hammer maniacs.
• Three Waymos & Robot Guillermo vs. Killer Klowns from Outer Space (Sewers)
  • [66:09] “Killer Klowns used to fighting organics—Waymos confuse them, maybe even cotton candy-wrapping doesn’t work.” —Marcus
  • Result: The Waymos survive by being machines, outlasting the Klowns.

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Notable Quotes and Comedic Riffs

• On the Impact of Biomes:

  • [44:02] “The biomes to me—best thing we’ve ever, ever added.” —Marcus
  • [77:59] “Having just almost been killed on 6th street … it is a dangerous place.” —Henry, real-life near-miss reference

• On Character Motivation:

  • [70:26] “Barack Obama loves the Bears. He’s going to be enamored—these boys are going to be so starstruck, they’re not even going to know how to fight!” —Ed

• On Crowd Violence:

  • [47:37] “The people of Austin kill the Epstein crew in the name of Poison, to stop them from ending the show.” —Marcus

• About the Nature of the Finalists:

  • [88:44] “The only way for the Bears to win is to entirely destroy Frankenstein’s monsters—set them on fire or explode them.” —Marcus
  • [89:07] “If you take out the knees on a Frankenstein, he’ll just be on the ground and fucking rip your arms off.” —Ed

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Tournament Progress & Results

Semifinals

• Eastern Finals:

  • 85 Chicago Bears vs. Montauk Boys (Ice World) → Bears win, Obama escapes, others perish.
  • Gremlins Ripoffs vs. Topsy & Whitey (Hardy’s Parking Lot) → Gremlins win; Topsy overwhelmed, Whitey parties with the Munchie.

• Western Finals:

  • Poison vs. Two Frankensteins (6th Street) → Frankensteins overwhelm Poison when crowd turns to support monsters.
  • 15 Chimney Sweeps vs. Waymos/Guillermo (Sewers) → Chimney Sweeps use their environment, get to 8 survivors by dismantling Waymos from within.

Final Four

• Bears vs. Gremlins Ripoffs (Hardy’s parking lot):
  • Bears win—sheer size and athleticism; Gremlins lose numbers’ advantage.
• Frankensteins vs. Chimney Sweeps (Sewers):
  • Brutal squash; Frankensteins easily crush the remaining sweeps.

Championship Bout

• Bears (8 left) vs. Two Frankensteins (“Hanging Fields of Nuremberg”):
  • A hard-fought brawl; Bears’ numbers, pads, and teamwork initially promising.
  • Ultimately, Frankensteins’ unyielding endurance and inhuman strength wears down the Bears.
  • [89:50] “They have to be destroyed completely—fire, explosion, or dismemberment—and the Bears just don’t have that ability.” —Marcus
  • [90:09] “It’s the Frankensteins. They take it over the ’85 Bears. Worse than when the Xenomorphs beat Godzilla.” —Henry

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FINAL BRACKET OUTCOME

2026 March Madness of Murder Champions:
Two Frankenstein’s Monsters

Runner-up: 1985 Chicago Bears Defensive Line

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Noteworthy Comic Bits

• Woody Allen getting stabbed by CC DeVille onstage ([47:28])
• Debate over “who would be a more dangerous combo?” Poison & Epstein Crew or Bears & Montauk Boys
• Repeated riffs on Austin’s 6th Street as an unpredictable kill zone
• Chimney sweeps’ expendability, hierarchy—“cut the head off, and another rises”
• Running joke about the utility and terror of biomes (“lava-mogged,” “place-mogged”)

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CONCLUSION

A riotous, improvisational episode that showcases the hosts’ ability to blend comedy, horror-fantasy, history, and pop-culture into a uniquely deranged bracket brawl. The addition of random “biome” environments to each showdown causes unpredictable upsets, particularly in the wild crowd violence of Austin’s nightlife and the lethality of lava world. The Bears prove heroic but ultimately fall to the impervious might of the Frankenstein’s Monster, as the bracket crowns its most “even” and debate-worthy champion yet. The hosts urge listeners to weigh in with their own arguments for upsets or alternate endings.

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TABLE OF KEY TIMESTAMPS

| Timestamp | Segment/Quote/Topic | |--------------|-------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 03:22 | Introducing rotating biomes, teams format | | 25:35 – 29:17| Montauk Time Boys vs. Chuds (Ice World) – Science weapons win | | 33:09 | Bears vs. Einsatzgruppen (Molasses Field) – Mike Singletary’s triumph | | 46:14 | Poison vs. Epstein Crew (6th Street); Austin mob wins the match | | 66:09 | Killer Klowns vs. Waymos (Sewers); non-organic advantage | | 70:26 | Obama too starstruck by Bears to fight back | | 88:44 | Bears vs. Frankensteins—What does it take to actually kill a monster? | | 90:09 | WINNER: “It’s the Frankensteins. They take it over the 85 Bears.” |

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Tone:
Chaotic, improvisational, packed with morbid humor, passionate debates, and loving irreverence for pop culture and history alike. Perfectly “Last Podcast” style—wild, witty, and wickedly clever.

Transcript

[Marcus Parks]

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[Henry Zebrowski]

There's no place to escape to.

[Ed Larson]

This is the last on the left.

[Marcus Parks]

That's when the cannibalism started.

[Ed Larson]

What was that?

[Marcus Parks]

I met John Tesh several days ago. So how long are you going to

[Ed Larson]

dine out on this? Truly one Jesus Christ.

[Marcus Parks]

Peaks of my time.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, and without telling it. Still not telling us where you met John Tesh. You just said a mall like place.

[Marcus Parks]

I can't have people find me where I frequent. Yeah, you know how I frequent places. And I can't be mobbed where I go I don't want to. Or mogged. I don't want to be place mogged.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, place mogged.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. I'll tell you where you can find me. Jersey Mike's. Yeah, buddy, that's where I am. If you know I'm in town and there's a Jersey Mike's close by you. You know I'm getting that fucking meat slice.

[Marcus Parks]

But when I heard John Tesh's colostomy bag a jingle and jangling, I knew. Oh, wait a second. What month is it? Oh, shit. It's time for March Madness. Welcome to the last podcast on the

[Henry Zebrowski]

left, ladies and gentlemen. This is the fifth annual last podcast on the left. March Madness of murder and mayhem. My name is Marcus Parks. I'm here with my main man, Henry Zabrowski.

[Marcus Parks]

My name is John Tash. People used to respect to me, but now I'm a figure of humiliation. And we have the man on color

[Henry Zebrowski]

commentary, Ed Larson across the table.

[Ed Larson]

How you doing, Ed Shakalaka. Can't buy a bucket because I've invested poorly.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, that's right. You don't have any liquid. He's not liquid right now. He put a lot of money into grocery stores.

[Ed Larson]

Actually shout out to sports Sprouts. Every time you shop at sprouts. No, I'm getting money. Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Also, is anybody looking to buy some barrels of crude? Because I do have three or four

[Ed Larson]

of them and they're.

[Marcus Parks]

It's actually. It's really been difficult getting rid of them. Yeah, man.

[Ed Larson]

All I know is them hormos are straight.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We're here at the 5th annual Last Podcast on the Left March Madness of murder and mayhem. And we're doing it a little different this year. Just a little bit.

[Marcus Parks]

We got to mix it up. And so we've added rotating biomes. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

And not just that. Another aspect is different this year.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Groups.

[Ed Larson]

That's right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We're doing teams this time.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The rotating biomes. We usually hold this in Madison Square Garden. This year it is held in a rotating biome. So when each seed is chosen, after we find each matchup, we're going to be rolling an eight sided die for. For each individual biome. And then at the end of each match, there will be a coin toss to see which biome the next group will fight in.

[Ed Larson]

Nice. And I brought a 20 sided die and I'll be rolling it for nothing.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. And honestly, just getting him used to dice because he's been scared of dice ever since his father's crippling gambling problem. And so he has been afraid of dice. And the thing is, we got to get through the dice problem, which is why you are, I would say, hesitant about who RPGs. Because this is about you afraid of dice.

[Ed Larson]

I swallowed two this morning. I think I'm feeling great.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, the CBD ones I sent you.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But we are going to do it as we usually do it, by picking names out of the hat. So do we want to go first and choose the entire eastern bracket?

[Marcus Parks]

I think so.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All right, so let's see the first lineup in the eastern bracket.

[Ed Larson]

God, Mr. Tesh, you got short and fast.

[Marcus Parks]

Someone please kill me. No one will let me die. Every time I'm recognized, I live another three weeks.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So our first competitor will be the Montauk Time Boys led by former president Barack Obama, who of course, as we know, was a Montauk Time boy himself who traveled back and forth to Mars and as a teenager prior to converting from Islam.

[Marcus Parks]

No, that was when he was first looking at what is Kenya's religion. But we know Barack Obama was a 14 year old chrono. I would say it's chrono. Not chrono, not. And so he. We know that he's a part of there and we know that what he loves is. He loves drones, he loves cigarettes, and he loves basketball in his backyard.

[Ed Larson]

And time.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Love time. So it's going to be the Montauk boys versus says, let's get this hat just a little bit. It is a handful of chubs.

[Ed Larson]

That's gonna be a hell of a fight because the chuds are. They're just on the Long Island Railroad down the street.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And there are certain biomes that will give certain groups advantages, of course, because

[Marcus Parks]

each biome is based upon, for the most part, a classic environment that you would find one of our heroes today. And this is going to be good because I'm. Because also a handful. That is the actual official term for group of chutes. Yes.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And it's five, right?

[Marcus Parks]

Exactly.

[Henry Zebrowski]

A handful is five.

[Ed Larson]

Okay, good. Thank God.

[Marcus Parks]

Exactly five.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Handful.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All right, the next several.

[Ed Larson]

Are we picking the biomes now or later?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Later, because we have to get the. We have to get the full bracket first, and then the fights will begin.

[Ed Larson]

Sorry, I didn't pay attention in the pre. Meeting.

[Marcus Parks]

We did meeting.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We did not discuss this part.

[Marcus Parks]

Not this very. But we did discuss other things.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes, we did.

[Marcus Parks]

All right, I rolled a five. Someone shoot me in the head.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Next lineup of the next battle will be. Ooh. Reinhard Heydrich and four Einsat's Groupen. At the end of a Soviet winter.

[Ed Larson]

Tired.

[Marcus Parks]

They're tired, but they're mean. They're angry as well, because they know they're not going home after the war. Yeah, they got no place to go. They got nothing to lose. Whoever they're up against, our Einstein group, and they're going to have a heck of a little challenge, aren't they? Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

And they might have a friendship day on top of it.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, they just might.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They just. They just might. And it's at the end of the Soviet winter. So we figured like five Einsatz group and like at full power.

[Marcus Parks]

Too much.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Too much. So they're low on ammunition, they're starving. But they are still Einsat's group and

[Marcus Parks]

everybody's a Jew that they see.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Ed Larson]

Also, I want to say that the end of a Soviet winner is March.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Indeed it is.

[Ed Larson]

We didn't even have to end up a Soviet winner because it is March.

[Marcus Parks]

I thought his Soviet winter, like, ends in June and then like summer ends in July.

[Ed Larson]

Well, that's just their second winner.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But this is. But when we say Soviet winner, we're talking like winter of 1942, you know,

[Marcus Parks]

the coldest, the bad one.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Was it 42 or 43. I can't remember exactly, but the. The worst winter in the 1941.

[Marcus Parks]

That's right.

[Ed Larson]

General January. General February.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's right. All right. And fighting the Einsatzgruppen will be

[Marcus Parks]

the

[Henry Zebrowski]

starting defense of the 1985 Chicago Bears.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Ed Larson]

Yes. I can't wait.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, they are going to love the shot.

[Ed Larson]

Dicky Dent's going to get in there, bro.

[Marcus Parks]

Wow.

[Ed Larson]

Mike Singletary is going to take off his reading glasses and tackle the out of rein yard.

[Marcus Parks]

The 85 bears. We gotta remember here, the 85 bears, they're gonna have a lot of skin in this game because they're One thing that 85 bears don't like, and that's Nazis.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And remember there, these groups are not necessarily matched one to one. So it's 11 guys versus five.

[Marcus Parks]

See?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. All right, so the next matchup will be Papa.

[Ed Larson]

Ooh.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Topsy the elephant and his trainer, Whitey.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Topsy and Whitey.

[Ed Larson]

He's Whitey's hammer, but he's on top and barrel through a police station.

[Marcus Parks]

Hey, Whitey knows how to drunkenly ride an elephant best.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Honestly, I don't want to killed arguably five people.

[Marcus Parks]

And I would also say I actually feel like Whitey. That might be too much for him to be loaded. He might need to be in search of some alcohol. Oh, no, he's shaking. He's shaking. He's got a shaky hand.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So it's Whitey with the shakes.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, Whitey with the shakes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All right. And fighting Topsy the elephant and Whitey will be a pack of hungry wolves.

[Marcus Parks]

I'm honestly, I'm pleased about that. I'm pleased about that. These are natural enemies.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Drunken animal handlers and a bunch of loose wolves.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, sober alcoholic animal handlers who are on the lookout for their morning booze because the wife has taken the vodka out of the back of the toilet.

[Marcus Parks]

What are you gonna do? Damn wolves in the way of my vodka. My wife keeps put back in the toilet saying, john, drink a little more.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And our last matchup in the Eastern Conference is going to be. Ooh, the Gremlins Ripoffs team. That's one ghoulie, one critter, one munchie, and one troll.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, and that's.

[Marcus Parks]

And they.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I mean, it will stand to see how this team works together.

[Ed Larson]

Did it have to be five? Oh, no. It's Topsy and Whitey.

[Marcus Parks]

It's Topsy and Whitey versus wolves.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, that's true.

[Marcus Parks]

So now we got the ripoff. Gremlins versus.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Versus. Let's See, here it is. Oh, the Kentucky vampires with one real vampire.

[Ed Larson]

That's actually going to help. That's really going to help. That's really going to help.

[Marcus Parks]

I don't know how all these gremlin fucking copyright infringements are going to work. I don't know if they all can all be in one. I don't even remember the distinct abilities of a munchie, but we'll get there.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He parties.

[Marcus Parks]

Parties.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. And he eats. Yeah, it's a munchie.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, he parties and he's really. The ghoulie and the critter are going to be doing a lot of heavy lifting here. But the thing is about a critter is that a critter is really only dangerous when there's a lot of critters.

[Marcus Parks]

What just one critter going to do?

[Henry Zebrowski]

He can shoot his needles. There's. There are a fair amount of things that one critter can do. But we do know. I mean, a critter ball is optimal, but this critter will be going at it alone.

[Marcus Parks]

All right, so that's the Eastern Conference. Do we want to just roll through this side first?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think we need to. I think we need to choose the Western. Yeah, let's settle the bracket completely. All right, the first lineup in the Western Conference is.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Marcus Parks]

Come on, come on, come on.

[Henry Zebrowski]

80s hair metal mainstays, Poison.

[Ed Larson]

Whoa, Poison.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And this is Poison just after Unskinny Bob. So it is Poison. At the height of their popularity and

[Marcus Parks]

powers, I think that's the key, is that they do need to have pyro available. They need to have a lot of Jack Daniels because that's. Every glam rock band loves Jack Daniels. Yeah, right. And they like. What else do they like? Roses and spandex and hairspray.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, a lot of spandex and roses and hairspray. A ton of hairspray. And I think that hairspray might be important.

[Marcus Parks]

It has to be.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It has to be.

[Marcus Parks]

I think it's the only discernible weapon they might have.

[Ed Larson]

Well, thorns on a rose and.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And raw sexuality.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, yes. Real man sex.

[Marcus Parks]

That's what. Yeah, that's what I like. God, I can imagine. With their spandex melt, like, don't discount,

[Henry Zebrowski]

you know, CC Deville or Brett Michaels in 19. What, 87.

[Marcus Parks]

Hey, their backs against the wall. They know for a fact that they got to go to Santa Cruz to four 17 year olds, you know, that they want to make it through this mouth. So it's.

[Ed Larson]

Every rose has its thorn. That's not Rocky like a hurricane. Right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's the Scorpions.

[Ed Larson]

No.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Poison is Unskinny Bop. Nothing but a good time.

[Marcus Parks]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Every rose has its thorn. Talk dirty to me Talk dirty to me.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They have four pretty good songs.

[Ed Larson]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And fighting Poison is. The Epstein Crew.

[Marcus Parks]

That is gonna be quite a match up there.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And by the way, the Epstein Crew is Epstein with the power of the Mossad.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. He's got two. At least two Mossad snipers.

[Henry Zebrowski]

least. Stephen Hawking with his modified wheelchair.

[Ed Larson]

Yes. To drive through a school.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, ye.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Noam Chomsky and his pen. Woody Howlin with a clarinet.

[Ed Larson]

That's right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And Princess Andrew armed with acid sweat. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Don't touch him.

[Marcus Parks]

Don't touch him. Formerly known as Man.

[Ed Larson]

What's interesting about Poison versus the Epstein Crew is they like to have sex with women the same age.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, they really do. I mean, that's actually. That's going to be a big.

[Ed Larson]

They might just become friends. I never know.

[Marcus Parks]

There's a little part of me, though, that believes that Poison might even like them a little. Even more mature than the Epstein crew.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All right, the next match.

[Marcus Parks]

He wants him to at least have pubic hair.

[Ed Larson]

Maybe.

[Marcus Parks]

I think I would put that with Brett Michaels. I put them on that. On him. I saw Flavor of Love.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd say they. They want him at least 17. Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All right, next matchup is. Ah, the Murdoch family. And that would be the Murdoch family, armed and drunk.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, yeah, you got Alec. Got two Capri Suns. Both of his holsters, man. He is sugared up and ready to go.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, are they oxycontin up?

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, just drunk.

[Marcus Parks]

Just drunk.

[Ed Larson]

So he's hankering for an oxygen.

[Marcus Parks]

No, he was. He's sloppy. He doesn't want to get sloppy.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Doesn't want to get too sloppy.

[Ed Larson]

Do they have a boat?

[Marcus Parks]

They have access to a boat. Depending on the realm.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, depending on the realm.

[Ed Larson]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes, they do have access to the boat, but mostly armed with AR15 they really loved.

[Ed Larson]

They had a lot of guns.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, they got a lot. They got a lot of guns. And I'm guessing it's just going to be Alec Buster and what's his fault?

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, yeah, Paul's alive.

[Ed Larson]

Mom ain't coming.

[Marcus Parks]

No, she's dead weight.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We give him two dogs.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, a couple of dogs.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, yeah. Two dog. Couple of. Couple of bloodhounds.

[Marcus Parks]

Sure.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Two dogs.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, who are they up against?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Who they?

[Marcus Parks]

I'm excited.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yeah. Now this is going to be a fun line. Let's use it. They are up against. They are up against two Frankenstein's and Benedict Cumberbatch dressed as the Frankenstein. Because I don't know if anybody else saw. I don't know if anybody else saw Benedict Cumberbatch and Johnny Lee Miller's Covid performance of Frankenstein.

[Marcus Parks]

Is the. It is horrible. It is horrible.

[Ed Larson]

No way.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, what they did is they. This was like a Covid event where one night one of them would, like Johnny Lee Miller would play Frankenstein and the other night Benedict Cumberbatch would play Frank, the Frankenstein's creature, the monster. They'd switch back and forth. And this is how I found out that Johnny Lee Miller is a better actor than Benedict Cumberbatch. Because when Benedict Cumberbatch was chose with Frankenstein's monster, he chose to play it like mango from Saturday Night Live.

[Marcus Parks]

It was. Quite a choice.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

You all didn't see Bradley Cooper in the Elephant man like I did.

[Marcus Parks]

I only saw the clip.

[Ed Larson]

That was rough.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

So now we have.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And it was directed by Danny Boyle. It was very well done.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, it was.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It was very cool. But he was. Benedict Cumberbatch was ridiculous.

[Marcus Parks]

So it is Frankenstein but Boris Karloff's Frankenstein monster. But the monster. Yeah, it is the actual monster.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

And it's Jacob Lordy as Frankenstein's monster,

[Ed Larson]

but seems pretty unstoppable in the movie as the monster.

[Marcus Parks]

And then you have Benedict Cumberbatch in makeup.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes, yeah, in makeup, pretending to be Frankenstein in a very mango style. Yeah, you can see there's a picture he's got up. He's. He's bounding around the stage. He's a very animated Frankenstein's monster.

[Marcus Parks]

He had too much power at this time.

[Ed Larson]

I'll tell you what, a Murdoch would love to kill a British man.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, of course. Of course.

[Henry Zebrowski]

In a British Frankenstein.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, yeah. Honestly, I would.

[Ed Larson]

Would.

[Marcus Parks]

I would like to as well.

[Ed Larson]

I.

[Marcus Parks]

Honestly, I'm. I'm getting pretty fired up about it just looking at him. He's too confident for a British man.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Way too confident. Yeah, like Johnny Lee Miller at least. Looks a little. A little embarrassed.

[Marcus Parks]

That's what you, everyone, every one of them needs.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And the next matchup is going to be who? 20 chimney sweeps and their master.

[Marcus Parks]

Whoa. Nas Mind Nana. Black children with the reason why we did so many is because of how they're all riddled with cancer.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

And they're pretty disposable and they kind of. They can almost sort of explode at the touch.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

I mean, because they're packed with tumors.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They're all. And they're all between the ages of 4 and 15, but that can make.

[Marcus Parks]

Eat up a lot of time for our Fagin.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

And if these are Mario level biomes, these little guys will be good in the tubes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's really.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, if we do. If they happen to be in the Minecart level, this might be theirs.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It might be theirs because there are the. Yes. The biomes. Half of them are Mario levels.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

As they understood. And fighting those 20 chimney sweeps will be the Eastern European Hammer Maniacs.

[Marcus Parks]

Wow.

[Ed Larson]

That is a fair man. That is actually a very, very fair man.

[Marcus Parks]

We have our two Dnipro Maniacs or two Academy Maniacs. And then we have our. The Nighttime Killers, which were other two boys.

[Ed Larson]

You didn't really bring them up.

[Marcus Parks]

No, they were. Russ. They were inspired by the.

[Ed Larson]

Why would they. Just take your time. The people are going to be there. It's.

[Marcus Parks]

You know, the whole thing. It never gets old. Wow.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, that. That's a hell of a matchup.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, I can't wait to watch those fucking them, honestly. Pop those children.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yep. All right. And the last matchup of the night is three Wayos and a delivery robot named Guillermo.

[Marcus Parks]

Why are they always named after Spanish people? It's not fair.

[Ed Larson]

It seems RAC races just a bit

[Henry Zebrowski]

and fighting the three Waymos and a delivery robot named Guillermo is the final match up. The killer clowns from outer space. All right, how many killer clowns are we talking here?

[Ed Larson]

Five. Five. Okay.

[Marcus Parks]

Because they are pretty dopey. They are pretty dopey. And they largely can be because I believe you just destroyed them by blowing up their nose.

[Ed Larson]

I believe that's how they die.

[Marcus Parks]

That's how they die.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

All right, so now we're gonna choose the bio. It will be. It will be. This is really just about us trying to get rid of Waymos. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help your business stand out and succeed online. Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. From consultations to events and experiences, showcase your offerings with a customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business. The best part about it is it can help you design a funnel in which you can very quickly record commercials so that you can get it done while you were desperately trying to get on break. That's the best Part about Squarespace, it can really shorten up the time you spend doing things. You got to get in there. You got to get in there. Use Squarespace. Man, is it fast. It is absolutely incredible. You're going to love your experience at Squarespace. Head to squarespace.com left for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code left to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[Ed Larson]

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[Henry Zebrowski]

I think what we should do with the biomes is that we will choose the biome for each individual fight.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So let's do. Let's choose the biome. The first fight is going to be the Montauk boys, led by President Barack Obama versus a handful of chuds.

[Marcus Parks]

Got it.

[Ed Larson]

All right. All right. Now you're gonna roll the die for the biome.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yep. And the die. Should we go through the biome?

[Marcus Parks]

I'm gonna just roll and then you're gonna tell. We're gonna put the biome. All right, so I'm rolling my eight sided die. I got a two.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Got a two. Ice world.

[Marcus Parks]

Okay, so that's the first one. They're on the ice world. We know that there's flows. We know that there is. Maybe some still water. Maybe an ice volcano.

[Ed Larson]

Glacier for sure.

[Marcus Parks]

Done.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

So maybe an orca. Now I gotta ask a question. If you roll a two again, will they get the ice world again even though we have eight bios.

[Marcus Parks]

No, we're cutting it.

[Ed Larson]

So the buy. So that's.

[Marcus Parks]

So that's ice world. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

All right, Ice world's done. So if you roll it two again. Just gonna go again.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Gotcha. All right, so Ice world slipping around. Montauk boys versus a handful of chuds. I think.

[Marcus Parks]

Let's get into it. So then we're gonna do fight one, right?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. This is fight one. Ding, ding, ding, ding.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, we're.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We're in a it, I think here. Of course, the ice world is going to be a massive disadvantage for the chuds.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, well, I mean, they live basically outdoors.

[Marcus Parks]

They're in.

[Ed Larson]

Live in the sewers. It gets very cold in New York. I think they've dealt with ice before.

[Marcus Parks]

But do chuds go to sleep when it's cold? My question is, I don't know. Do they have a. I honestly would Imagine that they would be hibernatory and they would probably go down. In the warmer months they would arise and then the colder months they would probably slow down, much like a reptile or something. That's how I view it in my mind.

[Ed Larson]

Right? Yeah. They are hot. They run hot.

[Marcus Parks]

So we know that the boys enter in on a portal. Barack Obama is arrived. He comes through. He's riding two boys right? On each foot.

[Ed Larson]

He's not riding drones.

[Marcus Parks]

No, no, no, no. He's got. The drone is his friend.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, okay. That can talk.

[Marcus Parks]

The drones from the future. Right? So he's like. But the drone, unfortunately, it's pacifist, doesn't want to be involved. And so it's just watching. It's hovering and watching Barack Obama.

[Ed Larson]

Very un. Obama drone.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, tell. He's just a boy. He doesn't know how to fucking do the negotiations. Right. Because he's just like. Let me be clear. I'm trying to think what else he says.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, you just said Joe Biden's Let me be clear.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, he says, Obama comes out and he goes, look, hey, hey, look.

[Ed Larson]

Hey.

[Marcus Parks]

Let's think about this.

[Ed Larson]

I'll tell you what. Hey, yeah, how you like a playlist? That's what he says.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, yeah. Oh, you know I love Mobb Deep.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

You know what? You know what I like?

[Ed Larson]

Hey, I'm making a movie about aliens.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, wow. How do I get in on that? Oh, wow, I can't wait to do that.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, wow.

[Marcus Parks]

I gotta produce that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I do think the ice world will slow down the chuds, but I do think the chuds are gonna take down at least a couple of Montauk boys. Because chuds are quite strong and very single minded.

[Ed Larson]

Chugs will rip these kids from arms and legs.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, unless you could go, I.

[Ed Larson]

First thing, a chug could be laying on its back in the ice and it could still rip these kids apart.

[Marcus Parks]

But I could also see a couple of chuds losing parts on the ice. Right. That they're going. They're getting stuck, they're fighting and they can't do it. So you got the boys coming from all these different ends. I would imagine they smell kind of wet. When you're very.

[Ed Larson]

When you're wet, you touch ice, you stick.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

You don't slip.

[Marcus Parks]

No.

[Ed Larson]

You. Interesting.

[Marcus Parks]

So these guys are sticking into the ice. They're struggling. Boys are attacking one or two Barack Obama, I imagine.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And it's 14 year old Barack Obama. Correct.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Teenage. It's teenage time traveler chrono, not Barack Obama.

[Marcus Parks]

Fresh from Kenya. He's out there, so he knows what's going on. He's fighting one on one with a chud. Now, the. Unfortunately. Well, not unfortunately, but I mean, for the audience, we know he lives.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

What do you mean?

[Marcus Parks]

He became president.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, well, not in this instance. We don't know what's going on here.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, we do.

[Ed Larson]

All of this is canon.

[Marcus Parks]

No, everything's canon.

[Ed Larson]

It's can't. Well, that's not fair then.

[Marcus Parks]

No. If this happens, oh, Barack Obama could live.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

But I don't know about the rest of them.

[Ed Larson]

I don't think if you go hand to hand with a chud, even if they are stuck on the ice, I feel like it almost gives them an advantage. And I think these chuds are so powerful, these kids don't stand a chance. I'm just gonna rip off their faces.

[Marcus Parks]

I think that if they got close, sure. But also, they're pretty slow moving, and Daniel Stern didn't know they were coming,

[Henry Zebrowski]

you know, and also remember that the Montauk boys are very good with science. They're gonna have weapons. Like, they're gonna have energy weapons. They're gonna have sound weapons, sonic weapons.

[Marcus Parks]

I think they can take them out.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They can make a CHUDS hand head explodes.

[Marcus Parks]

I do believe there is a sound weapon involved that could have definitely been brought from the minds of one of them. We know that that's how the Montauk project work. Barack Obama, far thinking enough to think about the sound weapon, knows the drone doesn't want to fight, so he has this sort of amplification weapon that shatters the Juds.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

But I do think we lose boys.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We definitely have to lose boys.

[Ed Larson]

There's no way these ch. First of all, I think both of you are wrong. And the Juds destroy them. But, like, I. Obviously, you're not going to let me win this. These boys are worth. They're weak.

[Marcus Parks]

Not Barack Obama, but Barack Obama's the X factor. He's the strongest boy.

[Ed Larson]

Look at the claws on this fucking guy. Look at his teeth.

[Marcus Parks]

Barack Obama is. He makes love to Michelle every night.

[Ed Larson]

You think so?

[Marcus Parks]

You know, he's got a fighter down.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, well, I think she could take a chud.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, well, I think if the chuds would have pulled the sewer level by him, then I mean. I mean, obviously they would have taken down boys.

[Ed Larson]

You know, they live underground pretty much too, as well.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They do as well, but they live underground in a very cushy lifestyle. Chuds are Living underground in 1970s New

[Marcus Parks]

York I think the ice zone is what fucks them up.

[Ed Larson]

So the boys die and we got Obama left in a time traveling lazy boy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Two of the five boys die.

[Ed Larson]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And then two, I think two, five

[Ed Larson]

chuds are only killing two boys.

[Marcus Parks]

They're stuck to the ice. I'll give you.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All right, I'll give you three. I'll give you three. So it's coming forward.

[Marcus Parks]

It is Barack Obama, one Italian boy from Long island, the pacifist drone and the time traveling chair.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, and, and don't forget, you know Montauk, they have more tricks up their sleeve.

[Marcus Parks]

You never know. They can materialize things within their brain.

[Ed Larson]

They can have a little swollen raccoon. That's dead with them.

[Marcus Parks]

Absolutely. All right, so that settles that one. We got one battle in.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All right. Montauk advances to the second round. Next match up, the Einsat's grouping versus the 1985 Chicago Bears. The starting the night, the starting defensive lineup of the 1985 Chicago Bears.

[Marcus Parks]

So we got the fridge, you got the rest of, you know, you know, you know, they've got full uniform, they're fully rehearsed, they're not tired.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, Richard Dent, he actually, he's one of the few defensive players to win a Super bowl mvp.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

So I mean that's a big deal.

[Marcus Parks]

All right, here comes the bio. This is going to find out where they were fighting. We have got number two, was already taken. We got number seven.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Number seven. Molasses. Oh, it's just simply molasses.

[Marcus Parks]

So now it is in a field. We don't know where it came from. It's deep. It's like three feet of molasses and endless fields of it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think 3ft is too much. Well, why don't we. I think six inches.

[Marcus Parks]

All right, you're right.

[Ed Larson]

I don't think it matters. The Bears got cleats and they got the fridge. The fridge can eat up half of this goddam molasses.

[Marcus Parks]

I think that that is. Now we're again seeing how these biomes are coming into play, really changing it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But I do think that the Einsatz Groupen might have. This is where the Soviet winner might be an advantage because these guys have been surviving for months and months in very harsh conditions. The 85 Bears, I mean, yeah, it's cold in Chicago.

[Ed Larson]

It's very cold in Chicago. In 85, you're playing outdoors.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Soldier Field.

[Ed Larson]

Soldier Field. You think that's war.

[Marcus Parks]

And honestly I feel like the one thing truly that the 85 Bears have over the Einsatz Groupen feet, movement, discipline. You go into that, you know that

[Henry Zebrowski]

extreme strength to get through it.

[Marcus Parks]

You know those like they do the squares and they jump over little things.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

And they take ballet classes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

I don't think the Eidson Groupen has enough ammunition to even take this out.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, I, I'm.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The way I'm seeing is the Einsatz Groupen has no ammunition left. All they have is their goofy SS knives that were gifted to them by his.

[Ed Larson]

Can you pull up a picture of Mike Singletary real quick? I want you guys to look at Mike Singletary and say how excited this man would be to kill Anazzi.

[Marcus Parks]

The only reason why I even want to give it to him, I want that man to beat an Einsatzgruppen to death with his hands and his helmet. And I just can see it because I can see wearing helmets. I think that they're motivated to beat the Einsatzgruppen. I think the Einsatzgruppen have been. They've been left behind. Yeah, they have been. They honestly, in many ways, if I was reaching out to them, I'd say you've been abandoned by your leadership, left to your own devices. Out there, you're fighting for no one. The 85 Bears are fighting for America now also.

[Ed Larson]

Can I say something?

[Marcus Parks]

You know who won?

[Ed Larson]

The 85 bears. You know who lost?

[Marcus Parks]

The Nazis. Nazis lost. 85 bears have already won.

[Ed Larson]

They only lost one football game the entire season. That's fucking crazy.

[Marcus Parks]

And if it's knives versus. If it's knives versus five emaciated 18 year old psychopathic Nazis, I think that they unbelievably tear them to shred. I think they tear them to shreds.

[Henry Zebrowski]

What I'm thinking is I. I think they are going to have some bullets left. I think what happens here is that the 85 bears unfortunately are going to sacrifice one man. Oh, at least Refrigerator Perry. I think he could take a lot. I think he goes in front. Refrigerator Perry goes in front. He takes all of the bullets for

[Ed Larson]

the team playing on the ground while he's dying, he's eating the molasses.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, he's just like, I can't believe I got all this free breakfast. As he's digging, he's digging a trough through the molasses at the boy at the Naiten screen grouping. They're tired. I view they have decided they are gonna pin themselves. They're like, let them come to us. Yeah, right, of course, of course. So they've doing the thing where they're laying back. They got the guns up. They fire their last few bullets into William Refrigerator Perry. He comes through. He's dig a tree, stuck a trough. His own dead body slides back through the molasses at them, creating enough of a tunnel that Singletary and the rest of them rush just like the blitz.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Just like they always do, man.

[Ed Larson]

He knows up the middle.

[Marcus Parks]

My single, Terry, he goes right up the middle. And he just. If I was him, I'd sit on Reinhard Heydrich's face.

[Ed Larson]

Right?

[Marcus Parks]

Like, he just means he's been like, hey, boys, bet I could choke this Nazi with my ass. And I'll be like, yeah, I bet you can.

[Henry Zebrowski]

While Richard Dinner's over there. Just breaking their necks one by one.

[Marcus Parks]

They're just. Just here because by that point, I think they're so debilitated.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

That they're just. They're stalled now. They're all stuck in the molasses glasses. And now it's like the same thing when Hitler gave up. Because they come down to it, they're like. They probably start popping themselves in the mouths because they're such.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

And you know what they do at the end? Super bowl shuffle.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's right. The 85 bears take it.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. We knew they would.

[Ed Larson]

Of course. Of course. On screwings.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All right, so the next. The next fight we got. I keep saying lineup, but it's the next matchup. It's Topsy and Whitey versus a pack of wool.

[Marcus Parks]

Okay.

[Ed Larson]

Damn.

[Marcus Parks]

This is how this is going to. This biome is going to actually very much affect.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

This fight.

[Ed Larson]

Cuz I don't think Topsy's well fed either.

[Marcus Parks]

No.

[Ed Larson]

You know, unfortunately. Ah.

[Marcus Parks]

Kill a dog.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Topsy's been moving amusement park rides all day. She's.

[Marcus Parks]

She's tired and they're Biome five.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Biome five is the Kentucky Vampires Hardy's parking lot.

[Ed Larson]

That's gonna be a plus for Topsy.

[Marcus Parks]

That is definitely a plus for Topsy. It's also unfortunate. That really makes an easy even playing ground for all these guys.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm thinking. I think Topsy takes this one pretty easily.

[Ed Larson]

Gonna take this one. I think Topsy's gonna kill two wolves and the rest are gonna run away.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Ed Larson]

And not before that. We. At least Whitey loses. I'm gonna say an arm.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't think Whitey even notices anything's happening.

[Marcus Parks]

No, I think Whitey's just being like. To the liquor store.

[Ed Larson]

He's just firing a gun in the air.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Just like. Yeah, that's it. I would, Judy. Yeah, I think they, they don't really stand much of a chance. I think the wolves, unfortunately, are going to be taken down by Topsy and Whitey.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, Very, very, very easily.

[Marcus Parks]

Just crunching their spines, kicking them into the dumpster inside of the Carl.

[Ed Larson]

I think you're going to need at least nine wolves to take down all

[Marcus Parks]

the people in the hardies are just watching.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

And you know, just being like you what they going to do about this? I bet nothing, I tell you, it's

[Henry Zebrowski]

like what, like, you know how the

[Marcus Parks]

government is, you know, I bet this is a Democrat matation. I know what's happening here. They're attacking. I see wolves. That one's got the big tits, like aoc. They're out there trying to attack the vulnerable symbol of the Republican party.

[Ed Larson]

And let's not forget the wolves. They're like 180 pounds, tops, and Topsy is about 8,000 pounds.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

And Topsy, that is a very big difference.

[Marcus Parks]

And I do believe that this is, this is Topsy's realm.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

The city streets are where Topsy is best.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, absolutely.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This is, is, it's simply asphalt.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

In front of a hardy. So, yeah, Topsy takes this one pretty easy.

[Marcus Parks]

What a great day to be at the hardy. And we've got this one, which is next. Next bout.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This next bout. This is the last bout in the Eastern Conference. This is the Gremlins Ripoffs team. That's one critter, one ghoulie, one munchie and one troll versus the Kentucky vampires with one actual real vampire.

[Ed Larson]

Okay, so this actual vampire is gonna help. And where are they fighting? They're not at the Hardee's.

[Marcus Parks]

No, they are not. Unfort. They don't get home field advantage. Our Kentucky vampires are going to be in number one.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Number one, Lava World.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, God.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, Lava World.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, my God.

[Ed Larson]

I really thought that this was going to be good for the vampires, but Lava World seems like it might be better for the Gremlin Ripoffs.

[Marcus Parks]

I truly believe the one world where a vampire does not not, like, get total agency. Is that a lava world?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, I think a lava can Lava kill a vampire.

[Marcus Parks]

We have never, I, I, I'll say this. We've never been in a scenario yet where vampires have been put in lava. I've never seen it. I never heard of it. But we know that vampire kills the very center of all evil. Fire is normally one of the things that kills all things in terms of any supernatural element. You're trying to destroy the Heart. You're trying to destroy the brain. I'm pretty certain if you threw a vampire, you got a vampire to touch lava.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Instead.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Now I think.

[Ed Larson]

What about ghoulies and munchies? I feel like they're not going to do too well in lava either.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, they're not going to do too well in lava as long as they stay out of the lava. Because the thing is about ghoulies and munchies and ghoulies and critters specifically.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Single minded. They're very single minded creatures. Critters specifically.

[Marcus Parks]

Now critters, don't they have planes?

[Henry Zebrowski]

No. Oh they do. I don't. They have spaceships. Yeah. But I think critters are more.

[Marcus Parks]

No, they're from space.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They are 100 from technically critters. But I think they're more like pests where they, you know, they hitch a ride.

[Marcus Parks]

They do. But they looks like they're driving it right there.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Because from what I remember I believe that critters, they are the eggs show up and then they hatch from the eggs and then you know, the problem solves. Start there.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And there. And there are critter hunters that go front because I believe the.

[Marcus Parks]

The first one is called what's his name from Cats, the musical. Yeah, that's true.

[Ed Larson]

It's true.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. And the, the third one has. It was Leonardo DiCaprio's first movie.

[Ed Larson]

I think a lot of these guys. I don't know if there's any toilets in the, in the lava world, but if there was a ghoulie would definitely rip apart one of these Kentucky vampires who I imagine spend a lot of time on the toilet because of their diet.

[Marcus Parks]

There is no information about the critters. Critters. If they can fly planes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I believe the critters are pests. Like I believe they just show up. They're sort of like they, they hitch a ride and lay their eggs and then cause havoc. Which is why the Crites hunters kill.

[Ed Larson]

Christ.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know the Crites hunters have to chase them from planet to planet.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes. They're. Yeah. Because they're resource hoarders. Yeah. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

And I think the ghoulie and the munchie, they're doing well. And our last guy is a who? A troll.

[Henry Zebrowski]

A troll troll.

[Ed Larson]

Loves lava.

[Marcus Parks]

I think, I definitely think that the lava again, this is another. Other thing where the biome is so crucial.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Because the boys have never. They only seen lava in video games. Right. The Kentucky guys, they go see that and they're like we must go. New umbrella is absolutely on the face.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

By the lava and they go like oh yeah, we're gonna go. And they, they think that they can do it. They're like we're vampires or vampires. And I can literally see them running out towards the ghoulies.

[Ed Larson]

They might not even fight.

[Marcus Parks]

I think that they just hit the lava and they immediate thinking they're vampires.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

And they immediately destroyed.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. And vampires, you know they're good at killing humans but I don't think they're good at killing munchies. I don't think that. I've never heard of a vampire eating a troll. I never heard of an. You know, I think this is a. I don't think they got a chance here.

[Marcus Parks]

I just think that a vampire is being thrust into a lava based scenario. Vampires never been in before. They're from Eastern Europe. There are no active players. What?

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, not really.

[Marcus Parks]

No.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Fuck them.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Iceland doesn't have vampires on his trolls.

[Marcus Parks]

They have trolls. They live in volcanic rock.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So with just. With the troll alone they don't have a fucking chance.

[Marcus Parks]

I just feel like. Yeah. They're going to get lava mog them and use that term again. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And I think that the actual vampire is going to get so distracted by trying to coordinate the pretend Kentucky one by that the ghoulies that the gremlins ripoffs are going to take him down pretty quickly.

[Marcus Parks]

But I do feel like the gremlin ripoffs are more doing the sun C. Sun Tzu. Don't get in the way of your enemies. Make a mistake.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

And they're watching them all die in the lava flows.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

And they're like hey, we've we up a lot of stuff before, haven't we guys? They're like, yeah, like let them themselves

[Henry Zebrowski]

up cuz remember all these creatures do have the power of speech and communication. They just.

[Marcus Parks]

Because remember cheeseburger, you know. Yeah. And Monchi's just love.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

All. All of. All of them. We know that munchies are the horniest of all.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Easily, easily so.

[Marcus Parks]

And they don't have any girls.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So the gremlins rip offs take it.

[Marcus Parks]

Wow, that's great.

[Ed Larson]

That's great. Yeah. Actually I think they're all going to live, right?

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, I think they all live.

[Ed Larson]

I don't.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't think they lose a single person here.

[Marcus Parks]

No.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. All right. So that is the first round of the Eastern conference.

[Marcus Parks]

This has done been truly historic already. The biomes to me best thing we've Ever, ever added.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, I love it really does add a whole world.

[Ed Larson]

A whole.

[Henry Zebrowski]

A whole new thing to it. So let's move over to the Western Conference. We have the first matchup, Poison versus the Epstein crew.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, man, these guys. Oh, well, I just really see them becoming friends. We'll see what happens here.

[Marcus Parks]

See, I could see.

[Ed Larson]

I feel like their Epstein cruise just be like, hey, I'm gonna hire you to play the party. I also, they're just gonna fall for it immediately because they take any gig.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, let's first see. Let's first see the biome.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This is them at the height of their power.

[Marcus Parks]

Because I feel also, we see they don't have the money. The Epstein does. I think that the Poison crew could be very easily convinced that they belong in the Epstein group. And then they could be surprise attacked. Yeah, by the Epstein group. Because I think that the Poison crew is. I think that they're extremely clever. Poison is not clever. They only know how to apply. They only know how to make their hair big. And they know how to eat and drink.

[Ed Larson]

If it was the Lava Realm, they'd be instantly dead just because of the heat and their hairspray.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, let's just get. First of all, see what the biome is. Yeah, let's see what the biome is. We have. It's number six.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Number six. That is. That is. Number six just happens to be 6th street in Austin on a Saturday night.

[Ed Larson]

That's gonna give Poison a distinct advantage because they can drink more than anyone and I believe, become more powerful with every shot.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, my God. Dude. Are we about to see on Honest, I'm almost getting chills. One of the biggest upsets in this whole thing. Because I didn't expect this. This is.

[Ed Larson]

Poison was dead out the gate.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, yeah, no, but I could see that.

[Ed Larson]

You put him on 6th street, you

[Marcus Parks]

set up a stage, right? Poison's playing, Epstein Crew rolls in. Right. Obviously, you got Stephen Hawking. He cuts through the crowd being like, it's time and pick ass. And my lips don't work anymore. They're gonna go. And they. They're ready to fight. Epstein's got his two Mossad guys. Obviously, they're talking to a bunch of 14 year olds.

[Ed Larson]

It's hard.

[Marcus Parks]

It's Austin. They're very distracted. They got fucking, you know, Gnome is there going. Just trying to be like. It's linguistics. You know, he's got his pen bomb, right? He got a pen bomb.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, the thing is about 6th street, you drop Woody Allen and Noam Chomsky into 6th street on a Saturday night?

[Marcus Parks]

No.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, they're just immediately going to be overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with their fucking knees.

[Marcus Parks]

Get a do.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, Cole.

[Ed Larson]

Soon, yeah, Woody Allen's gonna have an allergy attack.

[Marcus Parks]

So Poison is decided. Poison knows this is their strength. They have set up a collapsible stage on 6th street, and they are performing at the height of their powers. They're performing a free live show on sixth street, which is now filled with thousands of armed Texans. You have who, Jeffrey?

[Henry Zebrowski]

And I got to say, Poison in Texas in the 1980s, as someone who grew up, they were one of the biggest bands on Earth. You could not. It was Poison, MLE Crew, and Guns and Roses were the three biggest bands on Earth. You couldn't say a bad word about any of those.

[Marcus Parks]

So you've got Jeffrey Epstein, all of them. They show up to shut the party down.

[Ed Larson]

Not just that. Woody Allen is talked into coming on stage to play the clarinet. As soon as he gets on stage, murdered. Murdered.

[Henry Zebrowski]

As soon as he gets on stage, CC deville puts a knife. Knife into his kidney.

[Marcus Parks]

Dude, I think the people of Austin.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Kill the Epstein crew in the name of Poison. To stop them from stopping the show,

[Ed Larson]

Poison barely has to get their hands dirty.

[Marcus Parks]

I don't think Poison does anything.

[Ed Larson]

Now, what about these Mossades that are hanging out over at the. Off the rooftop of the Hilton?

[Marcus Parks]

Once Epstein's dead, the cat. The check stopped clearing.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

There's no. And I don't think that Epstein has any way to bring the. To bring Poison to his side, because Poison don't need Epstein's help.

[Marcus Parks]

They don't need to. They already paying for it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, Damn.

[Marcus Parks]

They already got it. They got all the groupies. They have no power over.

[Ed Larson]

There's underage girls in every single bar in Austin.

[Marcus Parks]

I am so. I. I literally. Guys, I really can't describe how surprised that we are here.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. I can't believe it. I thought these Epstein guys were actually going to go a lot further.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I thought so, too. Man, th. This is like Gonzaga going out in the first round.

[Ed Larson]

You can't. Yeah, yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

You can't be poison on 6th Street.

[Ed Larson]

Now it's going to be interesting. Now, the Texans, they have a soft spot for a man in a wheelchair.

[Marcus Parks]

What? Just because they like to boss him around, tell them what to do.

[Ed Larson]

Well, because of Greg Abbott.

[Marcus Parks]

He's their leader, but they only like that one.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, no, you're. You misunderstand. They vote for him in spite of the wheelchair, not because of that.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, trust me. You also Got to remember, they hate eggheads. Guess what? These guys are nerds. Yeah, dude.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, my God. They're going to get pants. They're going to get their dickies.

[Marcus Parks]

It is literally the worst possible place to have chosen. And this is why the biops make this the best March Madness we've ever done. Because that changes everything.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It really does.

[Ed Larson]

Proud of Austin. I never thought I'd say that.

[Marcus Parks]

Not once, dude. Obviously, they kill them. Obviously they kill them. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

So.

[Marcus Parks]

Man.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And that's the thing, I guess, man. Epstein Crew doesn't even have a chance to pull out their secret weapon.

[Marcus Parks]

No.

[Ed Larson]

Which was what?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Mecca. Michael Jackson.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. They become Mecca Jackson.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They become Mecca Jackson.

[Marcus Parks]

They get torn to pieces.

[Ed Larson]

Michael Jackson isn't. He's not appreciated in Austin.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, no, no.

[Ed Larson]

He's just. Only time you hear Michael Jackson is, like, on, like, a bicycle going by.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. The only child molester. The only child molester they like down there is Kid Rock. You know that. Just because of his name. Holy.

[Ed Larson]

Plenty of molesters. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No. Texas is a rat's nest. Molester. No, I know.

[Marcus Parks]

I've seen them. I've seen the stats.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yep. They have poison. Oh, the poison goes to the ghost. Next round.

[Ed Larson]

I can't believe.

[Marcus Parks]

Jesus Christ.

[Ed Larson]

That's amazing.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Now, this next matchup, this a big one. This is the Murdoch family, armed and drunk, versus two Frankenstein's monsters. And Benedict Cumberbatch dressed up as Frankenstein.

[Ed Larson]

Wow.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Playing Frankenstein as Mango.

[Marcus Parks]

Who I am just. Because first thing I will say, though, is if Benedict Cumber batch had not had his green drink that morning, it's going to be pretty testy.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, say what you want about him being strong against the Murdochs, but the Murdochs might find him funny.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, they might think him doing. They be like, he's playing. He's playing Sam from I Am Sam. I like him when he does it.

[Ed Larson]

I like when he does that.

[Marcus Parks]

He does a reread voice. That's what we like.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yep. That and it's very much what his performance was.

[Marcus Parks]

All right, here we go. So we. They're gonna be in number three.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Number three, Skyboat.

[Ed Larson]

Whoa.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Skyboat. So they're gonna be dealing with cannonballs. They're gonna be dealing with raccoons throwing ninja stars.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Man. I gotta say, like, it's really hard to, like, take out one of these Frankenstein's monsters. But we do know the Murdochs have killed people on boats before.

[Marcus Parks]

They know boats, even in the sky.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

I.

[Marcus Parks]

They know boats.

[Ed Larson]

Do they own the boat.

[Marcus Parks]

Neither. Neither crew is good at swift, diversive movement.

[Ed Larson]

Here's the thing.

[Marcus Parks]

You know, neither one of them is good at, like, dodging a cannonball, like.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, this might be where Benedict Cumberbatch actually does have a bit of an advantage, because he was, as I said earlier, too animated in that performance. But Paul, he can move.

[Marcus Parks]

Paul and Buster. Buster. Both Skeeter and Skitter. Yeah, I forgot about the Skitter.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Paul Skitter's Buster. Buster's a big boy. He gets out of breath real fast. Just as fast as his father.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

But Paul's Skitter.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He is.

[Marcus Parks]

He is a Skitter.

[Ed Larson]

He's dangerous. But you. Even if he jumps on him, Frankenstein's monsters back, he's just going to get ripped to shreds.

[Marcus Parks]

AR15, though. That's the problem.

[Ed Larson]

You litter a Frankenstein's monster with bullets, and nothing's going to happen.

[Marcus Parks]

Brock, watching Benedict Cumberbatch do this Frankenstein thing is making me believe in him less. Every single time I see him do a somersault as Frankenstein's monster. I care about that man because, remember, entire time, he's unsure, talking, should never act again. Again.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

This is the worst thing I've ever seen.

[Ed Larson]

No, this is. Yeah. This is one of the worst things that happened in Covet. And my father died.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. This is horrible. This is just truly a villain. He's worse than any. That's worse than anything. The Murdoch.

[Ed Larson]

I'm thinking the Murdochs are gonna light up Benedict Cumberbatch, and I think they're gonna light up the Frankensteins, and then they're gonna high five. And then the Frankenstein's gonna stand back up.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

And they're gonna be like, oh, fuck. And they're just gonna walk over and just rip them. The shreds.

[Marcus Parks]

I do think that we could see the Frankenstein's doing a. Especially on these precarious platforms on the sky balloon.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

They're not skyboat. I'm sorry.

[Ed Larson]

I'm sorry.

[Marcus Parks]

They have not. Like, obviously, the Murdochs, they're used to some movement, but not in a 4D world, you know? I mean, like, they get used to a boat going like this.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Not used to a boat going up and down.

[Ed Larson]

Like, that's a great point.

[Marcus Parks]

That's a great thing that I could see them shooting some Frankenstein's. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Just because, again, they don't finish the. The job.

[Ed Larson]

I could see them shoot, start drinking and celebrating before it's. They don't even know it's not over.

[Marcus Parks]

And then. Yeah, obviously, the other Two Frankenstein's get up and then it's more of a push them towards the edge.

[Ed Larson]

And we saw a lord. That boat up right up top.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Right. And Frankenstein, he just came. He just walked up to that goddamn boat and it up.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He did.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Him versus the boat was big deal. And I do that think that the Frankenstein's due to their nature of not really being alive. Is that because they need to be fully disposed. Dismantled.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

The only way for them to be destroyed like I do. Is that not true with Frankenstein? Have we seen that yet in a movie?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, he usually ends up floating on the iceberg at the end.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. If it was in a burning windmill, well, you know, I could say they might have a chance of losing. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because Frankenstein usually takes himself out.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, he does usually. It's usually him. But he has to be wholly destroyed. And isn't there normally some doubt as of whether he lives. Lived or not?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Always.

[Marcus Parks]

There's always some. He's the first Jason.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

So I do feel like in many ways Frankenstein would be hard to. I think if you explode, you'd have. The only way to get him is you'd have explode him. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

And I don't think the Murdochs have a grenade with them. They do have. They do have AR15s, but there are bombs on the boat.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, there's cannons being fired constantly.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Marcus Parks]

But I do feel like the Frankenstein's can wrap their head more around this environment.

[Ed Larson]

I think Alec Murdoch moves just like a Frankenstein.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Ed Larson]

And he's just not as strong. Wrong.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, I agree. I don't think they. They. I think that the Murdochs would. No, obviously on a. One on one. Can't beat a Frankenstein.

[Ed Larson]

No, no, no. Three even. It's three on three right here. And they got. Remember, they got two dogs and I think Frankenstein kills dogs too.

[Marcus Parks]

I mean, the dog's just. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Paralyzed by the sky boat. Yeah. Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

They can't go anywhere.

[Ed Larson]

They don't understand boats. They don't understand the sky. Put them together, they're really up.

[Marcus Parks]

No, they're scared as they don't want to be on this skyboat.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And even if the dogs got their wherewithal, they. They got their mind together to attack the Frank. Frankenstein's just going to punt it into the sun.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, it's going to rip his face off. It's going to break its neck.

[Ed Larson]

All right, so we're. Benedict dies.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes, Benedict definitely dies. Yeah. Because he's.

[Marcus Parks]

Because he deserves to.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He brings the same confidence to this fight. That he brought to that performance. And he does, one summer fail just as hard.

[Marcus Parks]

He does one somersault hit by a. He's hit by a cannon fire.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

I hope he is hit by cannon fire. He is immediately exploded, man.

[Ed Larson]

Imagine if a Frankenstein got a star.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh. Oh, man. We got to go. Skitter. Paul. Paul, we got a skitter.

[Ed Larson]

Skitter out of there. Come on, Paul.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, I think. I think Paul is the one that hides after he sees his father's face get ripped off by Frankenstein. And then the Boris Carlo finds him and rips him to shreds.

[Marcus Parks]

That's great.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Or just throws him off the side of the boat. I can also see if Frankenstein just throwing him off the side of the boat.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

I could see Paul all, like, thinking he ate a flower because his hair is so red. And then trying to throw a fireball and nothing happens.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. And the Frankenstein just breaking his hand. Yeah. Like, grabbing his arm. Just breaking his arm back, and you're like. And then he takes the other one. He pushes him off the boat.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So the Frankenstein take it.

[Ed Larson]

All right, all right, all right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Next up, 20 chimney sweeps and their master versus the Eastern European Hammer Maniacs. Six Hammer Maniacs all armed with hammers.

[Marcus Parks]

So here we go.

[Ed Larson]

Biomes left.

[Marcus Parks]

Two biomes left. Here we go. I think the last one I got here.

[Ed Larson]

Wait.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, my. My die.

[Ed Larson]

No, my die. Number four.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They're on the minecart level. This is advantage Chimney Sweep by far.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

They're in and out of these mine carts.

[Marcus Parks]

You can fit a scenario or put

[Ed Larson]

them all in different mine carts.

[Marcus Parks]

This is a nightmare scenario for our Hammer Maniacs.

[Ed Larson]

They did.

[Marcus Parks]

Did not expect this at all. Yes, of course.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Ukraine, Eastern Europe, they love mines. Kids dying.

[Ed Larson]

Mines ain't doing well on the mine track.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Is useless.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, they are just on the mine track and they are. While the chimney sweeps, so accustomed to death, so accustomed to being absolutely. They are expendable.

[Ed Larson]

I think five chidney sweeps die, but that's just because they're around. Hammer Maniacs died. Yeah. They coughed a bunch inside one of

[Henry Zebrowski]

the cars,

[Ed Larson]

so they died. Yeah. We lose five chimney sweeps, but not to hammer death.

[Marcus Parks]

My little spiders, my little sparrows, go and fight them. Fight them and bring me their hammer.

[Ed Larson]

Now, what about the Hammer Maniacs? Do you think that they have a chance of killing the master?

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

I feel like the Hammer Maniacs could take out the master.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think the master gets taken out. I think Hammer Maniacs sneak behind, they find the master, they beat him to death. But unfortunately, it is the. The chimney sweeps, well, their coal experience that takes them to the end of the minecart level.

[Marcus Parks]

The only thing I would say, though is I do believe that upon being struck with a hammer, chimney sweep explodes.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

It's so fragile.

[Ed Larson]

The hammer maniacs, they just, they're gonna take what they're gonna get there, they're gonna kill the master and then they're gonna start plucking out his eyeballs and all that. And when they're doing that, they get distracted and they're just gonna get swarmed

[Marcus Parks]

with chimney sweeps and that' they just get swarmed by 15. So 15 chimney sweeps beats six armed boys.

[Ed Larson]

Yes. Yeah, yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

They got sticks and they don't care. Right. I mean, we did this last year with the Larans, we talked about this. But the Larans, they have a little bit more weaponry and stuff like that. The chimney sweeps are really just kind of armed with like. We're the weapon.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

So that's the problem. Without a leader, I don't know what they do. I think without a leader, the Chimmy sweeps are pretty disorganized.

[Ed Larson]

They're pretty chaotic. But I don't see them, you know, they still of a want, you know, they're still hungry.

[Marcus Parks]

For what? To go back to kill to the chimneys.

[Ed Larson]

I think they're dirty killers.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, I think many of them are. If you remember from the episode, one chimney sweep became one of the most famous criminals in British history.

[Marcus Parks]

That's true. And I guess they do kick the other little boys. There's always stronger boys.

[Ed Larson]

And once the master dies, the largest chimney sweep just becomes a master.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, I guess that's the. I honestly, that's the stem of their defeat here, is that they do make it their way to the top of the Marart thing. They beat Fagan thinking that they're going to beat him to death. They think that's it. They think that is what's going to disrupt the chimney sweeps. They. They don't understand. There's not even. Not only. Not only are the chimney sweeps expendable, so are the masters. And then another master just rises to the the forefront and it's just a kid with one eye.

[Henry Zebrowski]

There's a strict hierarchy in the chimney sweeps that the hammer maniacs do not understand. Yes. Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

And so they go to cut the head off the snake. They end up just creating another head of the snake. It's like, what we just didn't he run?

[Henry Zebrowski]

So the chimney sweeps take it.

[Marcus Parks]

Wow, that is. That is a These have been upsets across the board.

[Ed Larson]

I think the chimney sweeps had a chance but but you put them there. Mine, car level, skyboat also good level for them.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, super good level for them. They don't care cuz they have no

[Ed Larson]

fear from your grave.

[Marcus Parks]

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[Henry Zebrowski]

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[Marcus Parks]

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[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, we only have one biome left.

[Marcus Parks]

That's it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

One grouping and one grouping. And again, the biome's gonna make all the difference with between three way mows and a delivery robot named Guillermo versus the killer clowns. They're in the sewers.

[Ed Larson]

I mean, we all know the Waymo can't handle the sewers. Water kills robots, you know. This is no good. Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Can I say, though, I think so. The killer clowns specifically are good against organic things.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

And so what?

[Ed Larson]

They did crash their spaceship.

[Marcus Parks]

They specifically are fueled by people. Right. And so might think my. I'm going to put this out here, this is my alternative view, is that the killer clock clowns don't fully understand what they're against. They think that they're other organics. So the Wayos.

[Ed Larson]

Right. You don't think their ray guns wor work against the who's?

[Marcus Parks]

I think that they can. I. I don't know. We've only seen them work against organic things. I actually think they're used organics. I feel like the Wayos might confuse them.

[Ed Larson]

You don't think they can cotton candy wrap them?

[Marcus Parks]

Well, I think they can, but then I think the Waymos is going to go in and out because they're not getting any vital juices from the cotton candy. That's what they even cotton candy them in the first place.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

So they uncanny them to suck the juices out of them like giant spiders.

[Ed Larson]

But the sewers are such a bad place for a Wayo delivery robot.

[Marcus Parks]

I agree.

[Ed Larson]

They don't have much of a chance in the sewer.

[Marcus Parks]

Unless. Is Guillermo filled with explosives?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Did they sacrifice Guillermo?

[Ed Larson]

But delivery explosive diarrhea created.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, what if Guillermo is filled with Gyro?

[Ed Larson]

I think he's filled with Gyro.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, it is.

[Ed Larson]

The Waymo could be filled with, you know, a bunch of teenagers as far as I can I'm concerned.

[Marcus Parks]

But you're screaming bachelorettes.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Who is controlling these robots?

[Marcus Parks]

People from Philippines.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, people in the Philippines. Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

So I'm pretty certain that there's people in there. See, the thing here is that I could see them struggling and I guess defeating the Way MOS is just immobilizing them. Yeah, but they do that to themselves.

[Ed Larson]

And I think the Waymo as we know. I know there's only three. Three. But as we saw during the protest out here in la, you call a Wayo, you destroy it, another one just comes.

[Marcus Parks]

I know. That's the thing is that I do think that they are legion.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. They kind of don't stop. I know there's three, but I feel like there's more.

[Marcus Parks]

I do think that we say that there's three, but there's more.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But how do they get down there?

[Marcus Parks]

They just keep going down the subway stairs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They'll find a way. You know, like driving into the subway and smashing them. I think the who's beat the killer clowns.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think the way. But we can't. But the who's can't be infinite though.

[Marcus Parks]

No.

[Ed Larson]

So, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

They have access to three at any time.

[Ed Larson]

But are they now stuck in the sewer? How to get them out of there?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, I mean it. We'll get to that when we get to the next level, because the next round.

[Ed Larson]

God, I really want the killer clowns to win. But I don't know if they win.

[Marcus Parks]

I think they be. I think the wayos in this kind

[Ed Larson]

of just run them over.

[Marcus Parks]

I think mob them and. And beat them in this instance.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Because they're used to organics.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

All right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think the way most do take it. You're right.

[Marcus Parks]

Wow.

[Ed Larson]

God, that hurts.

[Marcus Parks]

It does, but hurts. Hey, man, that's what it's all about. Yeah, that's what it's all about. We can't always decide. God decides who wins. It's not us. It's just. We're just here. We're just conduits.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And that's the first round of the western bracket. Done. Our winners, we have poison, two Frankenstein, 15 chimney sweeps. Make it to the end.

[Marcus Parks]

It's all B teams.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. And the wayos. I mean, this has just been so much. So many upsets, just so many ups.

[Marcus Parks]

I mean, the.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The first, when we knew that the Bears were going to take the Einsat script and we knew Topsy was going to take the Wolves, but who knew that Poison was going to take down the largest villains of the 20th century?

[Ed Larson]

Wow.

[Marcus Parks]

We just got to bring him to Austin.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Wow. All right, so now we have to. Now for the second match for each one, we're gonna flip a coin to decide which of the biomes they have previously fought in. They fight the semi finals in.

[Ed Larson]

Correct.

[Marcus Parks]

Correct.

[Ed Larson]

Correct.

[Marcus Parks]

Correct. Yes. So now we have the two. One. The first seed of the semifinals is.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That is the Montauk boys with Barack Obama. There's three Montauk or actually two Montauk boys in Barack Obama and a chairman and a chair and of course, whatever interdimensional creatures they may want to summon against the starting lineup of the starting defensive lineup of the 1985 Chicago Bears. Minus Refrigerator Perry.

[Ed Larson]

Minus Refrigerator Perry. Was lost. Yeah. All right, so.

[Marcus Parks]

So let's flip the coin.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Flip the coin to see whether they will battle in the ice world or molasses.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yep. Which one is which?

[Ed Larson]

Heads is ice world, tails is molasses.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Ice world big disadvantage. 85 bears.

[Ed Larson]

What are you talking about? Soldier Field. They play on ice.

[Marcus Parks]

No.

[Ed Larson]

Boys fly season.

[Marcus Parks]

The Montec boys are flying. All right.

[Ed Larson]

Are you ready for this? Barack Obama is their biggest person. Right. Their most important fighter.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Chicago.

[Ed Larson]

He loves the Bears.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He loves the Bears.

[Ed Larson]

He's going to be enamored. He can't believe he gets to meet the Chicago Bears.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Barack Obama, he's going to lose. Losing.

[Marcus Parks]

He's so much flight. Seriously.

[Ed Larson]

He's being Mike Singletary.

[Marcus Parks]

He has spent the last year in fake time in a time fold being bred on Mars.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Marcus Parks]

He misses seeing the Bears live so much.

[Ed Larson]

And so the 85 bears, they are like. Football is very religious, you know, Like, I imagine most of the Montauk boys are Giants or Jet fans.

[Marcus Parks]

Sure. But the thing is, being around super

[Ed Larson]

bowl winner as a Miami dolphin guy, the 85 bears are a special team that everyone just kind of likes.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Larson]

You know, so everyone wants to meet the Bears. Everyone wants to be a part of the 85 Bears.

[Marcus Parks]

And this crew specifically was around in the mid-80s when the super bowl shuffle was at its peak. Right. Like, we are looking at this. So we are seeing these boys are

[Ed Larson]

going to be so starstruck, they're not even going to know how to fight.

[Marcus Parks]

I actually think you might be correct.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

I think that the boys here might be so overwhelmed by the 85 Bears.

[Ed Larson]

We have talked about. Talked about Dick, though.

[Marcus Parks]

No, I think that they're there. I think they're signing.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Dick is not a part of this. It's just the starting lineup.

[Marcus Parks]

I think they sign a bunch of. They sign a bunch of autographs, right? They get the kids, they're waiting, and then they were like, okay, yeah, you got. You want to take some pictures? And they're all like, yeah, yeah. Hey, pick pictures. And then eventually they're like, are you guys ready? And they're like, yeah, they just drown all the boys. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

And then who gets. Doesn't guess what happens. Richard Dent gets the chair.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Wow.

[Marcus Parks]

Wow, wow. But I do believe that Barack Obama. Obama does know the future explains it to him. And they let him go. And he's got to go back. He goes back in the time portal.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. He's the only Montauk boy that a bear doesn't take his football helmet and

[Marcus Parks]

just beat him with it. Yeah. Cuz I definitely. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Wow.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Okay. So, yeah, the 85 bears take it.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Ice World easy now.

[Ed Larson]

They own the ice world too.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. So that's.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And that is in the ice world. And so next up in the quarterfinals, it is Topsy the elephant. And Whitey Little beaten up from the wolves because the wolves definitely did a little bit of damage.

[Ed Larson]

Bites, but they're fine.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Versus the Gremlins Rip Offs. I think the Gremlins Ripoffs take them down.

[Ed Larson]

I think. You know what it's going to be and like, as someone who's a huge Topsy fan and doesn't want Topsy to lose this, I think that a couple Critter and a ghoulie could crawl up inside Topsy and eat the. The important organs and then come back out the ass.

[Marcus Parks]

We also forget elephants. They get scared by things they don't recognize. Yeah, they.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Scared of mice. You know, stuff like that.

[Marcus Parks]

I think that it could. It knows a wolf.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

And it's not afraid of a wolf.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

It knows a human, but I think it sees a munchie. He's freaked out.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

I think it tosses Whitey.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

He gets ripped apart by critter.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

And I think that top se eventually overwhelmed.

[Ed Larson]

I think Topsy is like. Is honestly. Because the thing we have to decide.

[Marcus Parks]

The biome.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, that's that. That's right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So we have either the Hardee's parking lot. Parking lot or Lava World.

[Ed Larson]

Lava World.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Honestly, I don't think this really makes much of a difference.

[Ed Larson]

No, I mean, but it would be nice to take the troll out of the lava.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, it's the parking lot.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Wow.

[Ed Larson]

Okay, good. So this is good. This is going to level the playing field for the future. We're gonna say the trolls, and they're gonna be Topsy.

[Marcus Parks]

I think that they win.

[Ed Larson]

I think Topsy.

[Marcus Parks]

I think that Topsy is frightened by what he's seen.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And I.

[Ed Larson]

And I really do stand by. They're gonna go inside of Topsy and eat. Eat out its kidneys and its heart and.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, Critters is gonna eat him from the inside out.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

I don't think it really stands a chance, unfortunately.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And do you think that Whitey is gonna pass up a chance to just leave and party with the munchie?

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, you can go be like how they eat pussy in space.

[Ed Larson]

I'm pretty. I'm pretty sure Whitey cracked his bolsting on the sidewalk.

[Marcus Parks]

Honestly, I can really see that for him. Yeah. Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, I can see that for him as well.

[Marcus Parks]

I can really see that for him.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Unfortunately. Yeah, no, these munchies are. They're tough.

[Marcus Parks]

Yep. Take them down.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Done. Yeah, done. So, yeah, the Gremlins take it. The Gremlins rip offs take it.

[Ed Larson]

Wow. Man, this is crazy.

[Marcus Parks]

This is awesome.

[Ed Larson]

I like that we got lots of little guys.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, me too. Always.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All right, so the next one we have Poison versus two Frankenstein.

[Ed Larson]

Okay.

[Marcus Parks]

Again, the biome is really going to tell a lot here.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And the biome is either going to be Austin six Street. Austin sixth Street Heads Saturday night Heads or Skyboat

[Ed Larson]

Sixth street, man.

[Marcus Parks]

Okay, okay. So, yes. Originally, this works for Poison. Yes. Right. They got Them, they got the thing going. The crowd is killed. Epstein. They're now doing. Now they're on their cover set. Yeah, they played all the hits already. They're on the COVID set.

[Ed Larson]

They're unfortunately forced to play Rock you like a hurricane.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Marcus Parks]

Two Frankenstein monsters show up at the concert to attack them. This is what I'm thinking. I think the crowd goes to the Frankenstein Monsters.

[Ed Larson]

Well, they love big dumb guy.

[Marcus Parks]

If a Frankenstein's monster showed up and I was seeing Poison, first thing, I'd be like, yeah, no, it's Frankenstein's monster, right?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Bigger star than Poison. Most.

[Ed Larson]

Much bigger star.

[Marcus Parks]

Poison's like, oh, everybody, we gotta fight the Frankenstein's Monsters.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

And everyone crazy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. Well, I think it's like in. In Texas, their mind always goes to football ball. Like, think that boy put him on defense. Next year we might be able to take down them Maggies.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. They're going to try to make them cow with the Frankenstein's cowboys.

[Marcus Parks]

Because I've seen. Because the Frankenstein's Monster, if lore does hold, he can play the electric guitar. Some of them can play the keytar. I've seen that a couple of times in Universal Studios.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They can dance and sing.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Y y y I think that they go on on stage. Poison thinks that they can have the same mandate. The Audi, they take the audience hostage because the audience is so excited to watch Frankenstein's Monsters take over. The keyboards and the guitars, they're already playing the songs. Everyone's like, oh, my God, I had no idea they could shred. Now they've lost the audience. Frankenstein's Monster. This is the best I've ever seen. Who says six streets changed has nothing but a good. Who said that 6th Street's different? This is what we like.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's the other thing about Texans. Speaking of being a fickle people. Very fickle, not very loyal. They're going to switch from Poison over to the Frankenstein's immediately.

[Marcus Parks]

I just think the Frankenstein's quickly physically overwhelm them and then they have the people backing them up. If they even try to fight against,

[Ed Larson]

I feel like they're going to fucking start running the fucking Frankenstein signs for senator.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Or immediately can be like, how you feel about gun control. I know you're anti. I know you're pro life far bad.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All right. So the Frankenstein's take it.

[Marcus Parks]

Wow.

[Ed Larson]

And Austin 6th street really the, the, the factor. I think they're the greatest enemy in the bracket.

[Marcus Parks]

It really is. Is the people of 6th Street. Yeah. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And having just almost been killed on 6th street just two weeks ago. Getting caught in a mass shooting event. It is a dangerous place.

[Marcus Parks]

It's a big dangerous out there. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So we have in the final quarterfinal.

[Marcus Parks]

Wow.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Fifteen chimney sweeps versus Waymos. Three Waymos. And we're saying Guillermo survived.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, Guillermo lived. Yeah. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's either gonna be. And this is gonna be a big. Actually. Well, it's minecart level or sewers.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, honestly.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Honestly, it's the sewers.

[Ed Larson]

I mean, these are. It's.

[Marcus Parks]

Who's man.

[Ed Larson]

No way.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, dude.

[Ed Larson]

Sweeps can. They can take on sewers going down little pipes, living pipes. They're gonna crawl into. They're gonna go in the exhaust pipe of a waymo and disassemble it from the inside.

[Marcus Parks]

I believe.

[Ed Larson]

I think these f. No way. These wh. Don't have a chance against these guys.

[Marcus Parks]

I think they're making them street pizza. I think that they're going there doing donuts. They're popping chimney sweeps left and right.

[Ed Larson]

They're gonna. Couple of them. Don't get me wrong. I mean they're going to. They died just thinking.

[Marcus Parks]

I don't know if they understand what electronics are.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, that's going to be the big factor here.

[Marcus Parks]

I think it doesn't matter of the way most.

[Ed Larson]

I don't think they would. They've worked with ovens. These guys ain't scared of nothing. They don't understand death.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They are actually. That is true.

[Marcus Parks]

That is also true. They have no cares in the world. I think nothing to lose.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Okay, here's what I think happens. I think that a waymo comes hits one of the chimney sweeps. The chimney sweep rolls over and breaks the windshield. I think he goes to the windshield. And that's when the chimney sweeps realize that these who's do have some sort of vulnerability. They are not invincible. And I think the chimney sweeps use their sewer knowledge. They use their pipe knowledge to drop from above and take out the who's. Because once you're on top of a wayo. It's done. Can't do anything.

[Marcus Parks]

Pops its tires. You pop its tires. You fill the whole thing filled with coal. Like then you're. If you can p. If going to literally just cold. I think.

[Ed Larson]

I think these chimney sweeps could take apart anything, whether it's a robot or not. I think they could just disassemble anything with their little fingers.

[Marcus Parks]

But we also remember not just overwhelming force. We have to understand certain things. It's hard. All because we always going to have boys just winning.

[Ed Larson]

There are gremlins. These Are interchange. Chimney sweeps are interchangeable with gremlins.

[Marcus Parks]

It's true.

[Ed Larson]

That's true.

[Marcus Parks]

But I still don't think they are as physically strong as a larican.

[Ed Larson]

No.

[Marcus Parks]

So I think we're going to get. We're going to see the end of their ability.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, absolutely. And they get sicker every batch. I believe we probably lost another five.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think we lost seven. Yeah. Yeah, I think we lost seven.

[Ed Larson]

So we're down to. Wait.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We're down to eight chimney sweeps. But they do, I think, take the. The waymos.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, I think unfortunately they do.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All right. All right. And if man, we are down to the. It's the semifinals now. It is the 85 Chicago Bears. Who lost? Nobody lost.

[Marcus Parks]

Nobody.

[Ed Larson]

We lost.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Nobody.

[Ed Larson]

They're in a nice world.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, they're. They're the ice world and the gremlins ripoffs who also lost.

[Ed Larson]

Nobody lost.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Nobody.

[Marcus Parks]

I think 85 bears tear the gremlin rip off to shreds.

[Ed Larson]

Let's most likely trolls are very strong.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And the biome is the parking lot.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, the bears take it. I think the bears take it.

[Ed Larson]

Dude.

[Marcus Parks]

I think that they've never been hardies. Yeah, dude.

[Ed Larson]

I mean, I wouldn't want to go near the bears in a Hardy's parking lot. I think the Bears like, they're. That's more. They might as well be in soldier field.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, dude, I think that that is. They are more than. More than on home turf. I think that they are. They want it more. They just beat the Nazis. They just beat. They like literally they're on a streak now. Obviously the super bowl factor is kicking in. They know how to do it in the after. After season. Right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They're probably not super pumped that they just had to beat a couple of teenagers to death, though. Yeah, that's probably going to with them

[Ed Larson]

a little future president.

[Marcus Parks]

They let Barack Obama go.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, but they had to kill the other two.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. So they did. And they chair.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. You really don't think they care that much if there are things of winnings on the line?

[Ed Larson]

They are like hopped up on cocaine. Yeah. And they killed the boys.

[Marcus Parks]

Were their enemy.

[Ed Larson]

Going through their system.

[Marcus Parks]

They were told to kill the boys.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, they were told to kill the boys. And I also think, you know, because with the thing with the little guys, you always. It's the numbers that really make it because you always were like, well, why can't you just kick them to death or stomp them to death?

[Ed Larson]

In this case they can.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And in this case, I really think they can. Yeah. They're are 10 incredibly athletic men wearing

[Marcus Parks]

pads we've never seen. Again, we've never seen a gremlin ripoff against trained men.

[Ed Larson]

No, it's always like kids and cops. They go against cops.

[Marcus Parks]

The cops are not necessarily trained but

[Henry Zebrowski]

they're always small town cops. Yeah, I mean they would. They did go up against you know a space corporation once. But they. They beat them. No, they did. They lost. That was Critters for. Yeah, yeah they did lose but yeah,

[Marcus Parks]

they're not the Vietcong.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. And well they did go against the. The. I mean in Critters 2. That was. The whole plot was you know the. The Crites hunters come and you know

[Ed Larson]

they were armed and we have one critter.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We have one.

[Ed Larson]

We only got one critter. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And like I was saying earlier, the critters ball really is the big thing here.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But I think if they had the

[Ed Larson]

Critters ball we could talk.

[Marcus Parks]

Sure. But I think that the bears here they. They're on again. They're on a roll. Yeah, they're in the zone.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the thing. Like even when they up they win.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They. I think they might lose a coup. Yes to the. I think a critter does take down. A critter is an incredibly dangerous character.

[Marcus Parks]

It is and I think that they do but I think that they kill the munchie and the ghouly and I think that they'd eventually they then taken them all down.

[Ed Larson]

The troll is very strong.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. But I still think it's killable.

[Ed Larson]

I said let's take out two Bears.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, take out two Bears.

[Ed Larson]

Maybe maybe a cornerback and a. We'll say one of the defense. Another defensive lineman because you know they go inside from the outside.

[Marcus Parks]

We have nine Bears now.

[Ed Larson]

Nine Bears. Oh no, no, we have. No, we have eight. Got it cuz we lost the fridge.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Earlier.

[Marcus Parks]

Got it.

[Ed Larson]

Great.

[Marcus Parks]

All right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So eight.

[Marcus Parks]

Yep.

[Ed Larson]

Eight.

[Henry Zebrowski]

85 bears are in the final.

[Ed Larson]

In a Hardy parking lot.

[Henry Zebrowski]

In a Hardy's parking lot.

[Ed Larson]

Well no, we do the. The biomes. We have a home. The last ones of the don't.

[Marcus Parks]

We'll make the announcement.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, we. We will the. The final biome. The last. The semi finals in the Western converts. I mean this is. I think this is a gimme. It's two Frankenstein versus eight chimney sweeps. All right.

[Ed Larson]

Let's just see where they fight.

[Marcus Parks]

Just for. See where they fight.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Cuz this one's.

[Marcus Parks]

This is might be my favorite final outcome we've ever had.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And they're doing. And it's in the sewers.

[Marcus Parks]

I'm sorry, but I, I, I mean,

[Henry Zebrowski]

I mean just Frankenstein's do really well in sewers.

[Ed Larson]

Even, even if they got a duck, you know, they're still going to.

[Marcus Parks]

And their natural empathy only goes so far.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. No, they kill children.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. I mean, they kill children. They have a. But don't they throw that kid in the lake?

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, they think that he's going to throw her in the lake and then he doesn't, I think.

[Marcus Parks]

Right. I think it's this fear.

[Ed Larson]

It was real close.

[Marcus Parks]

This close.

[Ed Larson]

But I think that was a little girl. And these are little dirty boys.

[Marcus Parks]

Evil boys.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

I think they're tearing them down.

[Ed Larson]

Kind of smash. I think it's, is the, this might be the quickest fight. Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

I don't think they stand a chance and I think that they're happy that it's just over.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. They don't care at all.

[Marcus Parks]

I think they're happy that they don't

[Ed Larson]

even know what life is.

[Marcus Parks]

They finally get to die and it's a kind of. In a cool way.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. They don't get to burn and suffocate. Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

I think this is much better for them being killed by Frankenstein's monster.

[Ed Larson]

For a little boy beating a death in a super.

[Marcus Parks]

That's like the biggest. The only bigger is being stolen by Santa Claus.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

That's the only thing I can see is a bigger fun or thing for a little boy to happen.

[Ed Larson]

So this is like, I don't know this. I feel like this is just going to be an explosion of fight.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I mean, this is an incredible.

[Marcus Parks]

I would pay so much money to watch our finals live.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yep. And the finals of course are being held. It is eight 1985 Chicago Bears defensive players only versus two Frankensteins. And they are going to be fighting in

[Ed Larson]

Nber.

[Marcus Parks]

The final fight takes place in the ultimate arena of justice. The hanging fields of Nuremberg.

[Ed Larson]

Now I will say the Bears, as much as I think the Frankenstein's probably, probably going to take it. The Bears just killed Nazis so it kind of gives them a home field.

[Marcus Parks]

The 85 Bears vs this is by far the most even heat. This is. The Bears have been thinking about this probably since the beginning of this. Thinking about hope we get to play

[Henry Zebrowski]

against the vampire Frankenstein's. Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

I'm certain that these were the other guys they were looking forward to seeing. Yeah, right. Because that's what I would say.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Hanging out.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

I mean like, oh, man, this is crazy.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's definitely like, even these are handshakes before the fight.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Just been like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry we got to do this again.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

You're like huge, man. But fucking good game. We'll see out there, you know?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. And you know, it's a big field. A big field is good for the Bears as well.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It is.

[Marcus Parks]

But do the Bears know to set a series of fires?

[Ed Larson]

I don't know if they do. I don't think they read. And especially a book written by a little girl.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, wow. Yeah. But even the movie very Shelly, you know, the 85 bears at this point at least know Frankenstein says fire bad.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, that's true.

[Marcus Parks]

Right.

[Ed Larson]

That's the only thing we know, he says.

[Marcus Parks]

We know that they probably know that Frankenstein goes, ah, fire bad.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. And I know what it is. I think what's going to be the downfall for the Bears here against the Frankenstein's monsters is that I don't think a Frankenstein's monsters have to worry about endurance.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No.

[Ed Larson]

I think that they just keep going and going and going. And the Bears don't have any weapons.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

And they can't disassemble these bodies. I don't think they have a chance, unfortunately.

[Marcus Parks]

So let's say they get into hand to hand combat one by one. Yeah. So they all have to get into full on knuckle dragon fight one by one. Just like because bare knuckle fight.

[Ed Larson]

Well, they're tackling and they're going to hit them. You know they got the football pads on.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes. But like, what's the end result? Like at the very, very end.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The very end. It's going to be Boris Karloff versus Richard Dent, most likely. And then of course, the Guillermo del Toros Frankenstein versus Mike Singletary. Yeah, that, that's going to be the. That's going to be the big final fight. And I think the Bears are going to put up a real good fight. A very, very, very good fight.

[Ed Larson]

I just don't think that Frankenstein's ever stop.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, I don't think the problem.

[Marcus Parks]

I don't think they're going to be

[Henry Zebrowski]

able to do it.

[Marcus Parks]

Singletary.

[Ed Larson]

I think it. I think we're gonna have to say,

[Marcus Parks]

I wish I could phone a friend or something. I wish that I could call an expert or something.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Think about this, though. The 85 Bears take away any rules, take away not being able to chop block, not being able to go to the knees.

[Marcus Parks]

They don't got to worry about ad Deals.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I mean, I think at the very. I think that they could take out the knees. And if you take out the knees on a Frankenstein, then he'll just be

[Ed Larson]

on the ground and fucking rip your. Your arms off.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They are in a field.

[Ed Larson]

One thing I, as a big man who got into a lot of fights when I was a kid, what I would do whenever I fought a smaller person is grab them and bring them to the ground.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Ed Larson]

And then you. Yeah, you destroy them on the ground. You know, you got to keep. You got to. You know, and that's what they're going to do. They're going to try and dog pile them and then they're just going to win in the pile. And I don't want them to. I want the Bears to win. I want the Bears to win, but I don't see it happening.

[Marcus Parks]

I mean, the problem is, is that in order for them to win, I think that Frankenstein sponsors have to be entirely destroyed. Right. So they have to be set on fire exploded.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Like. Yeah. Their arms and legs have to be ripped off.

[Marcus Parks]

Just the field of Nuremberg. They wouldn't have landmines around anywhere, right?

[Ed Larson]

No, just rope and in gallows. And I don't even think you can hang a Frankenstein.

[Marcus Parks]

No, I don't think it would. Head just pops off.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Pop it right back on.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think we have a winner. Jesus Christ.

[Ed Larson]

Been so sad.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's the Frankenstein's and they take it over the 85 bears worse than when

[Ed Larson]

the Xenomorphs beat Godzilla.

[Marcus Parks]

We're gonna get so much mail on this. I feel like this is truly debatable. Side stories. Help gmail.com tell us what you think because obviously there's going to be a lot of debate, people. You're going to fight a certain no matter what. In the end, this is why they. That's why we do this.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Is to start important conversations.

[Ed Larson]

Absolutely.

[Marcus Parks]

So I feel like this is one of those where tell me why you think the 85 bears wouldn't be able to take out two Frankenstein's 885 bears, by the way.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, Parry.

[Ed Larson]

And they do have Richard Dent and Mike Singletary, but I don't think it's gonna matter.

[Marcus Parks]

I honestly think that this is one of the most even entire competitions.

[Ed Larson]

It's gonna be a long fight.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's all day.

[Ed Larson]

I could see it being at least an hour.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, dude. No, I'm watching this.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah. The fight's gonna be. But eventually the Bears will get tired. Yeah. Unfort. And I just don't think the Frankenstein's have exhaustion.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, no, I don't think that they do. Especially if there's a storm.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And that's it, ladies and gentlemen, that is the March Madness for this year.

[Marcus Parks]

Wow. And the fields of Nuremberg are going wild. The ticker tape is going on. And tell me, Frankenstein's monster, how do you feel?

[Ed Larson]

Ice cream.

[Marcus Parks]

We'll get you some ice cream. Oh, don't you worry about that. We'll get you some. Let's stop the fireworks. We're scaring our winners. Everybody stop the pyro.

[Ed Larson]

Wow.

[Marcus Parks]

What an absolutely amazing March Madness. Completely correct.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Yeah. Every single thing that we said was correct. Every call that we made was right.

[Marcus Parks]

Yep.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And we hope that everybody enjoyed to

[Marcus Parks]

death by the people of Austin is one of my favorite things.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And don't, don't forget CC DeVille stabbing Woody Allen and the kid.

[Marcus Parks]

God, I want to see it. Can he really do it?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, maybe.

[Ed Larson]

Gosh, my kidneys. Yeah, yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Do you think that if we kill Soon Yi, Woody Allen dies?

[Ed Larson]

You think that what happens?

[Marcus Parks]

We just get to her, she'll die. Ville.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

What a absolutely talentless person.

[Ed Larson]

Y.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Go on.

[Marcus Parks]

Like

[Ed Larson]

that's a great R. Oh yeah, it's good.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Poison. Poison's not my favorite of this genre.

[Ed Larson]

I hate the genre.

[Marcus Parks]

Guns and Roses. I'm throw it out there. Guns and Roses transcends the genre, yo.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, easily. But honestly, out of. And this might be a sacrilege. People, people probably gonna hate this. I like Poison better than Motley Crew.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh yeah, definitely. That's true. I hate Motley Crew.

[Ed Larson]

Motley Crew sucks.

[Marcus Parks]

I actively dislike Molly Crew. I choose Death Leopard.

[Ed Larson]

If I had to pick one, I think I'd go Skid Row.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Skid Row is pretty good.

[Marcus Parks]

He's got the best voice out of all of them.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm still not picking them because I don't like them. I don't listen to nothing.

[Marcus Parks]

Don't have to. But you don't have to listen to nothing. If you go to patreon.com podcast on the left and you can give us money to listen to our shows ad free. You can also see Last stream stream on the left live 5pm PST every Tuesday.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Don't forget to follow us on Instagram and Tick tock at LP on the left for clips for the shows and just new stuff that we got coming up. Yeah, we got YouTube.

[Marcus Parks]

Go check it out someplace underneath. LPN Romanticy. The Foreign Report. No Dogs in space is coming back with a new video essay soon. LPN TV is also on there. Go check it out over on YouTube.

[Ed Larson]

That's right. And come see us live on the road. April 25th, we're gonna be in Cincinnati. Dude, I'm coming to you. I love you. Cincinnat. I'm so excited to play the Tap Theater named after our fattest president. I can't wait to eat your chili and see my family. Come make me look good in front of my mother in law. Cincinnati Tap Theater April 25 May 29, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania Carnegie Music hall of Oakland Saturday, June 27, Grand Rapids, Michigan GLC Live at 20 Monroe. July 17, Tulsa, Oklahoma Kane's Ballroom Angelina. July 18, Oklahoma City at the Tower Theater. And of course you can see me next Friday. April 3rd, Good Friday at the Lyric Hyperion here in LA with Amber Nelson. Gonna be a hoot and a half. Tickets for that are available on 82.com yeah, bro.

[Marcus Parks]

Hell sweet Satan. Oh yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Game.

[Marcus Parks]

We'll see you next week.

[Ed Larson]

Hail Frankenstein's monster.

[Marcus Parks]

Winning gold. Hey, podcast listeners. Mr. Ballin, here to let you know we are now publishing four times a week on my podcast, Mr. Ballin podcast Strange, Dark and Mysterious Stories. That's right. You'll be getting four new episodes a week covering unbelievable mysteries, chilling through crime and stories so strange they sound made up, but they aren't. They're all true. Don't miss an episode. Listen to and follow Mr. Ballin podcast Strange, Dark and Mysterious Serious Stories wherever you get your podcasts or on YouTube. So good, so good, so good. New spring arrivals are at Nordstrom Rack stores. Now get ready to save big with up to 60% off rag and bone, Marc Jacobs, free people and more. How did I not know rack has Adidas? Because there's always something new. Join the Nordy Club to unlock exclusive discounts. Shop new arrivals first and more.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Plus, buy online and pick up at

[Marcus Parks]

your favorite rack store for free.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Great brands, great prices.

[Marcus Parks]

That's why you rack.