Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness

Summary

Last Podcast on the Left – Episode Summary: "Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness"

Release Date: April 9, 2025
Host/Author: The Last Podcast Network
Episode Title: Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness

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1. Alien Invasion: Top 10 Safest States

Discussion Overview:
Ed Larson and Henry Zabrowski delve into a listener-submitted list ranking the top 10 safest U.S. states in the event of an alien invasion. The hosts critically analyze the selections, questioning the rationale behind each state's ranking based on factors like terrain, population density, and available first responders.

Key Points:

• Virginia as Number One:
  Henry expresses skepticism, highlighting the presence of Quantico and questioning the preparedness of its "baby cops":

  Henry Zabrowski [01:41]: "Quantico. Or wouldn't they be available to fight them?"

• Massachusetts’ Inclusion:
  The choice of Massachusetts surprises Henry, who suggests less densely populated states like Montana would be more logical.

  Henry Zabrowski [02:28]: "I feel like everything here is the flip. I feel like it should be Montana."

• Florida's Viability:
  While Florida is argued to make sense due to its geography, the hosts discuss the resilience of alien technology:

  Ed Larson [03:42]: "And I bet their spaceships get caught in the swamps."
  Henry Zabrowski [04:12]: "They're trans medium. They go between water and mud and air..."

Conclusion:
Both hosts agree that no state is truly safe, emphasizing the overwhelming odds humanity would face against an alien invasion.

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2. Lori Valo's Trial Update

Discussion Overview:
The hosts provide an update on the ongoing trial of Lori Valo, primarily known for her involvement with Chad Daybell and the tragic murders within their circle.

Key Points:

• Trial Proceedings:
  Henry recounts attending the first day of the trial, critiquing Lori’s self-representation and noting the prosecutor's strong stance:

  Henry Zabrowski [10:28]: "She's horrible to listen to. Terrible woman getting torn apart by the prosecutor."

• Evidence:
  The prosecution presents body cam footage depicting Charles Valo's fear of Lori and her erratic behavior:

  Henry Zabrowski [11:14]: "The prosecution loses."

• Defense Strategy:
  Lori’s repetitive and uncooperative defense approach undermines her case, potentially swaying the jury against her.

• Sentencing Discrepancies:
  Discussion on why Chad Daybell received the death penalty while Lori did not, attributing it to technical legal oversights:

  Henry Zabrowski [14:33]: "She did... technical fuckup."

Conclusion:
The hosts express confidence in the prosecution's case, citing the overwhelming circumstantial evidence and suspecting a conviction is imminent.

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3. The Case of Taylor Shabizness

Discussion Overview:
Henry and Ed delve into the disturbing case of Taylor Shabizness, a 27-year-old woman convicted of brutally murdering Shad Therion.

Key Points:

• Nature of Crimes:
  Taylor's heinous acts include mutilating her victim post-murder:

  Henry Zabrowski [25:08]: "She chopped off his head with a butter knife."

• Incarceration Behavior:
  Taylor exhibits violent tendencies even while incarcerated, attacking a nurse and a prison guard:

  Henry Zabrowski [26:34]: "She attacks the prison guard with a pan..."

• Competency Concerns:
  Repeated assaults during trials raise questions about her mental state, though she consistently faces legal repercussions:

  Henry Zabrowski [30:10]: "She’s crazy."

• Prosecutorial Perspective:
  The hosts commend the prosecution's efforts to contain Taylor, ensuring she remains a danger behind bars.

Conclusion:
Ed and Henry highlight Taylor's ongoing threat, emphasizing her inability to reform and the necessity of her continued incarceration.

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4. Listener Stories: Babysitter Terrorism and More

Discussion Overview:
The episode features chilling accounts submitted by listeners, including a terrifying experience with a babysitter and incidents of extreme misconduct.

Key Stories:

• Terrifying Babysitter Experience:
  A listener recounts a horrifying night where a seemingly normal babysitter exhibits violent and unhinged behavior towards children:

  Henry Zabrowski [68:20]:
  "I think kids are frightening."

• Ohio Polygamist Group:
  The hosts discuss a case involving Martina Jones and her five boyfriends accused of kidnapping and torturing a man for seven days, reflecting on their depraved actions:

  Henry Zabrowski [35:21]:
  "These guys... They are luxurious."

• CEO on a Cruise Ship:
  An incident aboard the "Resilient Lady" cruise ship where a CEO, Kenneth DiGiorgio, assaults a fellow passenger over barefoot dancing highlights issues of privilege and aggressive behavior in confined environments.

Conclusion:
The listeners’ stories underscore the diverse and horrific nature of human behavior, reinforcing the podcast's commitment to uncovering unsettling truths.

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5. Cryptozoology and Extinct Species Revival

Discussion Overview:
Ed and Henry explore the controversial topic of resurrecting extinct species, focusing on the recent attempts to clone the direwolf and debunking its authenticity.

Key Points:

• Direwolf Cloning Attempts:
  The hosts debate the feasibility and ethical implications of bringing back extinct species, referencing the direwolf's portrayal in pop culture:

  Henry Zabrowski [51:12]:
  "It's just going to end up at Howlin Ray's."

• Comparison with Thylacine:
  Discussion on the similarities between direwolves and the recently spotted Tasmanian tiger (Thylacine), questioning the scientific methods used:

  Henry Zabrowski [55:06]:
  "It's a Tasmanian tiger."

• Public Perception and Scientific Integrity:
  Hosts criticize the influence of celebrity investors on scientific endeavors, suggesting it compromises research integrity:

  Henry Zabrowski [52:01]:
  "Jeffrey Epstein taught me that scientists can be purchased."

Conclusion:
Ed and Henry express skepticism towards the resurrection of extinct species, highlighting the potential for scientific misuse and the blurred lines between reality and fiction in cryptozoology.

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6. Upcoming Live Shows and Events

Discussion Overview:
The hosts promote their upcoming live shows across various locations, encouraging listeners to attend for a unique blend of comedy and horror storytelling.

Key Announcements:

• Fort Lauderdale and Orlando Performances:

  Henry Zabrowski [75:17]:
  "Come see Henry and I do side Stories Live on May 7th at the Fort Lauderdale Daniel Improv."

• Atlanta Show at Coca Cola Roxy:

  Ed Larson [75:45]:
  "We're going to be there on May 29th."

• Key West Comedy Tour:

  Ed Larson [76:27]:
  "We're going to be in Key West... Coming up."

Conclusion:
Listeners are encouraged to join The Last Podcast on the Left for live, interactive experiences that promise a continuation of their signature dark humor and gripping narratives.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• On Alien Invasion Preparedness:

  Henry Zabrowski [02:40]: "If they're biological and if they've arrived here a ship, we are all. The entire amount of us is entirely screwed."

• On Lori Valo’s Trial:

  Henry Zabrowski [10:28]: "She's horrible to listen to. Terrible woman getting torn apart by the prosecutor."

• On Taylor Shabizness’ Violence:

  Henry Zabrowski [25:08]: "She chopped off his head with a butter knife."

• On the Babysitter Story:

  Henry Zabrowski [68:07]: "Some kids throw tantrums, some break rules but every now and then you meet one who looks at you with calm eyes and chaos behind them."

• On Cloning Extinct Species:

  Henry Zabrowski [51:12]: "It's just going to end up at Howlin Ray's."

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Conclusion

"Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness" offers a compelling mix of true crime updates, listener-submitted horror stories, and thought-provoking discussions on topics ranging from alien invasions to the ethics of scientific advancements. Hosts Ed Larson and Henry Zabrowski maintain their signature dark humor and analytical approach, providing listeners with both entertainment and chilling insights into the darker aspects of human and extraterrestrial behavior.

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For those interested in diving deeper into these stories, subscribing to SiriusXM Podcasts+ for an ad-free experience is recommended.

Transcript

[Henry Zabrowski]

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[Ed Larson]

This is the last podcast on the left side stories.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. You sent me this list of the top 10 states that would be safe during an alien invasion.

[Ed Larson]

Yes. Which? Do you believe it?

[Henry Zabrowski]

No.

[Ed Larson]

You don't believe it?

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's fun. I like that. You guys should do something with that. He sent this to me. He sent this to me and says the number one state is Virginia.

[Ed Larson]

Virginia.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's all based upon terrain, population density, how many first responders and engineers there are. But I don't understand. That's where Quantico is.

[Ed Larson]

Quantico. Or wouldn't they be available to fight them?

[Henry Zabrowski]

They're the baby cops. They're baby feds.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

So I don't know if they're ready to take on the alien invasion yet. We're also not talking about there. What I don't understand, we're not talking about all the liquid gas sitting under Virginia.

[Ed Larson]

That's West Virginia.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's all the same. You keep going west.

[Ed Larson]

West Virginia is not on the list.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No, I'm saying that much because that just. That place is just. They. They're considering that a write off. It's just Virginia, Alabama, and then Massachusetts, which I find even more improbable.

[Ed Larson]

Why you don't you think Massachusetts is very susceptible to getting attacked by aliens?

[Henry Zabrowski]

I don't think that they understand that the attack comes by aliens. The way to go is the less population dense. I think that's the flip. I feel like everything here is the flip. I feel like it should be Montana. Don't is where you Want to be.

[Ed Larson]

People are going to help you defend yourself.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No, because the aliens are going to win. If they're biological. I've been saying this and yelling this from the rooftops. If they're biological and if they've arrived here a ship, we are all. The entire amount of us is entirely screwed.

[Ed Larson]

Well, if it comes down to bar fights, Boston be a great place to take them.

[Henry Zabrowski]

God. But that's if you get them drunk first. And first you have to, you have to ingratiate them with a bunch of semi annoying Boston women because that's what will wear them down. Yeah, you got to get them in there, wear them down, talk them about the Bruins, get up in their face talking about like all sorts of playoffs. Talk about, like, oh, you know, oh, well, give me a guy from the Red Sox.

[Ed Larson]

Big Poppy.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Big Poppy. What's he doing?

[Ed Larson]

He's, he's, I don't know. He got shot in the Dominican Republic.

[Henry Zabrowski]

This is what I'm saying.

[Ed Larson]

Flew him back.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Now the aliens are distracted. We're talking about sports. Yeah, that's how you get them. But that's different.

[Ed Larson]

Boston's great for that.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Then this is the second layer.

[Ed Larson]

And then New York, Minnesota, Florida.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I mean, Florida sort of makes sense because they're going to survive no matter what.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. And I bet their spaceships get caught in the swamps.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I mean, I know because they, they're trans medium.

[Ed Larson]

What's that mean?

[Henry Zabrowski]

They go between water and mud and air, so it doesn't matter. They don't get stuck at all.

[Ed Larson]

I, I mean, I, I don't know. I mean, stuck. I mean, the Everglades is very different than trans medium.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's just dirt. It's just mud. Eddie. They're coming from, they're coming from Pleiadians. The Pleiadian star system. Yeah. They're going to rip through the swamp. It's bigger than swamps. Do they have mud? All of Europa's a swamp.

[Ed Larson]

We don't know if they have mud.

[Henry Zabrowski]

They do. Absolutely.

[Ed Larson]

The Palladiums.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Welcome to Side Stories. You're sitting here with Henry Zabrowski and Ed Larson. The Palladiums. He's learning. He's learning. I think that's pretty good.

[Ed Larson]

Wisconsin also very safe.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I see Wisconsin. I buy center of the United States of America. But I also hammered. I, you know, again, I think that if you really. If in my mind I would change this all to the Dakotas because it's the least amount of humans there, that is what they're going to be looking for. If they're here to kill us all. But you're looking for the people. I'm incorrect.

[Ed Larson]

I mean I'm according to do a bunch of calculator dot com.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Calculator dot com. Can gigas like my dick dot com. Whoa. Yeah, now we're past the intro, alas. So now I can say suck balls. Fuck shit.

[Ed Larson]

But heiny. Suck testicles.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Thank you.

[Ed Larson]

Poop.

[Henry Zabrowski]

What?

[Ed Larson]

I'm just trying to keep us on the level here. Thank you. Alaska.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, let me. Let me ask him. Yeah, Alaska sounds fine. It doesn't fucking matter, all right? It's all just a dead end. It's not going to happen if they arrive here. I just want to just buy. The only reason why I'm even referencing the list is that if they arrive here, if we can see them and they're talking to the President, we're fucked. So just remember that. Don't. You're not safe anywhere.

[Ed Larson]

I mean, they're not talking to the President first. Well, look at it like a general first.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I. Who knows? Who knows? I actually think that they're talking probably. Unfortunately right now they're talking to some lady in Tina and in the back skirts of fucking Maryland right now. That's who they're talking to. And so we'll find out. I'm just saying don't be prepared. Don't think your state is any safer from an alien invasion because it's not. They're lying to you.

[Ed Larson]

What about the picture here? The aliens have pecs.

[Henry Zabrowski]

They are. It is a.

[Ed Larson]

That's a.

[Henry Zabrowski]

To be honest, they don't have creatine.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

They've never once. I don't know why they do this. Every picture of aliens does show them have musculature. If it is actually closer to what we've talked about with grays. They're childlike, they're very thin.

[Ed Larson]

So in shape.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Very little Chamberlains. Little, little thin little hips.

[Ed Larson]

The alien. I feel like alien sightings are on the rise.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, very much.

[Ed Larson]

There was one and Naples recently there's many.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I mean my week. This week I'm doing. For those of you that don't know, last night and it's going to be out on YouTube this week we do our stream. Last stream on the left. I do my UFO mandate. It's a big week for new shapes.

[Ed Larson]

Did you see the. The stuff that was spotted off the cruise ship?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, yes, that was wild. Are you talking about the.

[Ed Larson]

The one that jetted into the water with no splash?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes, I am. I thought you were talking about the girlfriend of the Faster Cat guy that she jumped off the cruise into the water. No, no. That's really very sad. Actually got an extremely sad message about that from people that worked with Faster Pussycat and said that they legitimately. She jumped off the cruise ship after they had a fight. And then the rest of the band had to go and continue to play Faster pussycat songs.

[Ed Larson]

The show doesn't always have to go on.

[Henry Zabrowski]

The lead singer sequestered himself into his room for the rest of the weekend while the band. Which is also. I want to honestly, big ups to the rest of the band.

[Ed Larson]

Did they sing for him?

[Henry Zabrowski]

I guess.

[Ed Larson]

Who sang?

[Henry Zabrowski]

I don't know. I feel like they are at that point. They know all the songs, by the way.

[Ed Larson]

First of all, I never even heard of this band.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No, me neither.

[Ed Larson]

I'm sure they're fine.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I think it's like a speed metal. Do you know them, Rob? Do you know who faster Cat is? From the jewelry on the man, I could tell it's some form of old school big. It's like. It's like rock. It's rock.

[Ed Larson]

Fast rock.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Rock, guys.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. So, you know, don't go on a cruise.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Hey, you should go on a cruise. Go to [e-mail]. that is where last. Thank you. Last. That is where we will be doing live. We have a couple other cruise stories today that we're going to cover. But you're going to come and see us. Come push us off the edge of a boat. Don't you want. Come on. Come on.

[Ed Larson]

Let's see what you got. You.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Come on. I dare you. I dare you. No, I dare you. You can't get me, dude.

[Ed Larson]

I got my floaties on.

[Henry Zabrowski]

All week I've been working on my back.

[Ed Larson]

What are you doing to it?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Getting in the ass.

[Ed Larson]

Hell, yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's so cool. Yep.

[Ed Larson]

Now, congratulations, man. I wish I was there.

[Henry Zabrowski]

We'll. I'll show you. I have videotapes. Old school. That's what I like. Old school. Videotape doesn't go directly to the Internet. First, it's got to go through your grandfather's casket.

[Ed Larson]

I. I want to find your old cowboy friend.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, yeah, that's where he is. I wanted to do today a little bit of an update for those of you that obviously have listened to us over the years. You know that we covered Chad Daybell and Lori Valo to the very tops of her tits. We covered that case so thoroughly. And now Lori Valo is on trial again. This time, finally, she's being prosecuted for the actual Murder of her ex husband. Dead ex husband. Charles Valo. Yes, Charles Valo. And so this story.

[Ed Larson]

She's already been convicted for. The kids.

[Henry Zabrowski]

The kids. She's already been. She's gone away for. She is in jail for life. She's not getting. No matter what Lori Valo has decided in this trial, probably her most defensible trial, because everybody's dead that was involved. Alex Cox that shot Charles Valo was dead. Tyler, her daughter is dead. That would have been a witness. Jj, a witness is dead. They are all. Anybody that was attached to this other.

[Ed Larson]

Chick who helped steal the car.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Melanie Gibb.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Melanie Gibb is currently starting her own series of griftership. On top of all of this, her husband's another Mormon.

[Ed Larson]

She's involved in this.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, very much so. Melanie Gibb needs to be in jail to. We'll get there someday. Maybe someday somebody will get her for something. But she is an evil person. But she stole his car. Oh, yes. No, she's a bad person. But Lori Valo is representing herself and there is. I watched the first day of trial because why not? And I, you know what I learned is that for a criminal trial, it's super useful to be a lawyer. Yes, it's like crazy useful to know how court works and how to be a lawyer if you're going to be a lawyer. Because Lori Val's opening statements were about eight minutes long.

[Ed Larson]

Is that good or bad? I don't know.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I don't quite know. I think they're good if they're good. But these were bad. And she said the same thing over and over and over again, smiling a lot.

[Ed Larson]

She's doing her flirty thing.

[Henry Zabrowski]

She's known and not yet. She was asking for more during jury selection. She specifically was asking for more male jurors because she was better with them. She was. She likes men more than women. And she was doing. She does like a little flirty thing. She does about eight minutes in which she says the evidence will show about 150 times. She is horrible. Horrible to listen to. Terrible woman getting torn apart by the prosecutor. And then you watch the prosecutor nail her to a fucking cross for 45 minutes. The prosecutor comes out just dripping with the. The full total, just utter, just contempt for Lori Valo, which I'm so happy to see. It's just a prosecutor loses.

[Ed Larson]

They should be fired.

[Henry Zabrowski]

The only issue is that this is the hardest trial of all of them. It is the most circumstantial evidence of all of them. We have. You have to really Believe one side of the story versus the other side of the story. But thankfully, on the prosecution side, they have the body cam footage of Charles Valo talking about all of the, like, you know, scared of her. He's scared of her. She's trying to kill me days before. Yes. And then you have Lori Valo's body cam footage where she's acting all super funny and laughy about everything. Then you have the. The Tyler footage where you have her repe. Repeating puppet fashion the same story that Lori Valo said.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And so I think that's what's gonna hang her up. But you never know. Sometimes juries are weird. Juries are really weird. They could just.

[Ed Larson]

In Arizona, Right?

[Henry Zabrowski]

This is in Arizona, which is also not a super great place to have.

[Ed Larson]

Go on vacation because she's in prison in Idaho. So she gets to, like, go down to Arizona and do this.

[Henry Zabrowski]

She has been. She's on vacation right now in Arizona, technically, yeah. But she says she really misses the Idaho jail. She's at the Idaho jail. She was having a lot more fun. She has, like a girl group there that hangs out with. I think it's.

[Ed Larson]

What do they sing?

[Henry Zabrowski]

I think it's swv.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And I think that they are. Which are great. You know, we love that song. Get so weak in the knees I can hardly speak. You know, let's see. That's what they're doing while they're scissoring each other. And it's kind of nice, but she.

[Ed Larson]

Fingernails.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, God. You got to be careful with those. I've seen real lesbians, and they don't normally have those big talents.

[Ed Larson]

If I was in prison for life, no matter what, I'd represent myself.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, yeah. She has nothing but time.

[Ed Larson]

She said no. It's entertaining at least.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But to you, I will say the immortal words. The person who represents himself in court has a fool for a client.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Because you should know and then you find out.

[Ed Larson]

Doesn't matter.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You know, it's funny because I think in the end, you'd be surprised what matters once you're already in jail.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Because if you're like this very much in Arizona. Does she have to go serve in Arizona?

[Henry Zabrowski]

If she lives through her three consecutive life sentences is in Idaho. Okay, so if she lives through those three, she lives about 375 more years in Idaho. She can go live and serve that.

[Ed Larson]

Time according to her beliefs. She will.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, well, we're waiting. We're waiting. Lori. Nothing. Honestly, it will take this for me to believe in you. You will have to physically disappear in the middle of court. And God himself or herself. Atlanta, Morris, Alanis Morissette.

[Ed Larson]

It's I, I think if it's Alanis Morissette or it's just a bunch of goo. She's a bunch of goo. Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

If God.

[Ed Larson]

If God exists, it's just like. Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, it's just goo.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. It's just. And. And slime.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Or it's Alanis Morissette and she's got a really good opportunity here to arrive at trial pretending to be God. I bet you we pop a wire on her talking to Lori Valow.

[Ed Larson]

That'd be ironic.

[Henry Zabrowski]

This is all. Wouldn't you think?

[Ed Larson]

Now, can I ask you another question about this? So her and Chad Daybell both convicted for murdering the kids.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes.

[Ed Larson]

Why is Chad Daybell get the death penalty and she didn't?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Because of the. I believe the.

[Ed Larson]

Because she's. Because he's a man or.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I don't know. Honestly, I forget why I believe it's.

[Ed Larson]

Actually do it or something.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You have to choose. It's like there's a thing that you do at the top of trial where you decide that this is going. Where that death sentence will be on the. The do they tried together or separately? Separately.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, so maybe that's it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

He received the death penalty for the murders of his first wife and his second wife's two children, Lori Valow. It was due to the judge's ruling the state's late disclosure of evidence precluded the deaths penalty in her case. So it was a technical fuckup, which is the reason why.

[Ed Larson]

And he also has a third kill.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes, but now she might have a third kill. Yeah. And this is. But again, it's Alex Cox.

[Ed Larson]

Alex.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But we do know that there is a chain of evidence that shows had premeditated it. And Alex Cox was there ahead of time preparing for it. The other two knew Charles Valo and Adam Cox.

[Ed Larson]

He was prosecution style on the ground.

[Henry Zabrowski]

He got double tapped.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes. You'd have to be. Again, you'd have to be very stupid or malicious to probably not agree with the evidence. But that's not discounting a jury of your peers. Because if Lori Vallow is one of your peers, that means categorically, statistically, someone on there might be a homicidal maniac in waiting. And it's. But again, it's just important to remember is that Lori Valo is not a lawyer. She is a homicidal maniac. And it's showing in her defense style. And maybe that's just her style.

[Ed Larson]

How much of this are you gonna watch?

[Henry Zabrowski]

All of it.

[Ed Larson]

Really?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, yeah, I love it. Where do you get the time? It's all night.

[Ed Larson]

You don't sleep, huh?

[Henry Zabrowski]

I watch it in the.

[Ed Larson]

You watch it in the.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, live. On YouTube. On my. My knees and my Twitter. You.

[Ed Larson]

You're on. You on your knees.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No. I mean, no, the phone's on my knees. My ass is on the toilet. I'm looking at it on my knees like television. But that's what you look. It's live right now. We can watch it right now. There's 10k people watching. Nothing, dude. It's just the stream. I'm gonna do this. Should we live stream this once? We should do this once. We get half me go through it. Yeah. It's fun to do.

[Ed Larson]

People like it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I love court. I didn't know.

[Ed Larson]

It's weird.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I love court.

[Ed Larson]

I got out of jury duty this week. I didn't even have to do anything. I just called and they're like, you're good.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. They just hear the sound of your voice and they're like, I don' get to talk. No, thanks, sir.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, Yeah, I shouldn't be there. They don't want me talking about it on the show.

[Henry Zabrowski]

At the same time, though, if you're there, it's really great. It's good advertising amongst the jury pool.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, yeah. Then you could get all them listening last podcast and.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, man. Dude, when I was in Tallahassee recently for the show, I was like. I was doing. Every time I saw someone, I, like, gave him a joint and I was just like, listen to last podcast and.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, that's oldfashioned grassroots marketing. It works. All right, let's get into some other stories. Now, I know that we have. Is that the only update that we had? Oh, no, we.

[Ed Larson]

We have. We have the man who can live without food.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, we just. We asked last time, how long could a fat live on just his body? And apparently a while it can. Angus Barberry. He's a Scottish man. He fasted for 382 days over a year. Yep. Going from 456 pounds to a slight 180 pounds. I believe that's just stick stone. That's just six stone. And he did a great job and he looks fantastic. He lived off of water, tea, coffee, vitamins, and yeast extract, which I think is code for the fine fine of the ladies in the hills of Scotland.

[Ed Larson]

Yikes. Yeah. Well, you know what you're gonna do.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Last podcast on the left is proudly sponsored by Amica Insurance. At Amica, you'll receive coverage with compassion. When you choose Amica, they'll take the time to explain your options for auto, home and life insurance. You can feel confident knowing that they'll protect what matters most to you. Amica will provide you with peace of mind. Go to amica.com and get a quote today. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. Seems amazing, right? It's because it is. From consultations to events and experiences, showcase your offerings with a customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business. Which is good because let's just say I need it. You know, as you may or may not know, I lost horse picks.com in a very, very public and embarrassing auction to a young man by the name of Charlie Bucket who has decided to take my Horse Picks and drive it towards the right. Some of the incendiary horse picks that I've seen, including Steve Bannon on a Clydesdale, one of the worst I saw was Ivanka Trump inside of a mayor. And I know that this is not the direction that I saw. Horsepix.com and and that little boy, I didn't know that he'd become a full fledged Nazi and and grow his hair into broccoli shapes and do all sorts of things I don't understand. Which is why I've started Emu Paintings.com thank you Squarespace, because Emu Paintings.com are these really it's an exceptional way for me to get you paintings of emus in various positions that emus would normally be. And in a way, I find it both amusing and inspiring to see what emus can do using the painter's brush and imagination. And if it wasn't for Squarespace, I would be absolutely F'd to the gills. That's the term for being absolutely s out of luck. Squarespace, thank you for streamlining your workflow with built in tools because I would not have been able to get this website up fast enough due to the legal fees I've received and the personal heartache and my own health deteriorating. I just want to say thank you Squarespace for all your help and and emu paintings.com is going to be just as good and just as funny and relevant. I promise. Head to squarespace.com left for a free trial when you're ready to launch. Use offer code left to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp you know, people say that therapy can feel like a big investment, but do you know that your brain generates all of your tangible reality? And that when you pay money to a therapist to do that work, they are working on the very fabric of reality. And as a matter of fact, that therapist is also just a figment of your imagination and so is your base personality. You don't exist. You are a mode in time floating through the expansiveness of space. But traditional in person therapy can cost anywhere from 100 to 250 per session. All right, that's a lot of fake money for the fake things going on inside of our world on top of the reality that we generate with the three pounds of flesh in our brain. All right, but. And it can add up, but you have to know it's all fake. And so are you. And so is better help. But it helps. It's online therapy with better help. You pay a flat fee for weekly sessions, saving you on big costs and on time. Because remember again, the therapy is a figment of your imagination and so are you. Therapy should feel accessible, not like a luxury. With online therapy, you can get quality care at a price that makes sense. Yes. Using the money that is not backed by anything, you can go and pay a person to help you talk about your reality as if it was real. So remember that you're not real. I'm not real. But BetterHelp can really help your well being is worth it. Visit betterhelp.com lastpod to get 10 off your first month. That's betterhelp h-e l p.com lastpod oh.

[Ed Larson]

And we got police. Overtime's a problem.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, no, that was the whole thing.

[Ed Larson]

People were like about the New Jersey cop who was pranking everybody.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And everyone was like, yeah, of course they got mad when the overtime was getting ganked. Because as, because I already knew this though. They're all like people like if they were getting furious because all of a cop tops pension is based upon the overtime payments in the last couple years and the payments that you make in the last couple of years of your time and then they take that amount of money and then they protract that onto your pension. So that's why my dad right before you retired was working like 120 hours.

[Ed Larson]

It's always good to overwork the oldest.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I mean, you know, they're always. At least my dad was at a desk job.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You know, so at least there was that. He just did that accident investigation. So you have to go chase after turrets or anything. No, no, no, my dad was mostly just using the guns to sort of like open up doors. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we know. We, you know, there's.

[Ed Larson]

There's another court case if you want to stay on. Stay in the world of court.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, this lady, it might be none of our show business, but it is our show business, Mr. Larson, because this lady, you know, we've covered her maybe in fits and spurts, maybe not entirely, you know, but this lady is the people picture.

[Ed Larson]

Can you pull up the people article real quick, Rob?

[Henry Zabrowski]

She is a. You know what I'm going to call her? She's a pipe pip. Yeah, she's a pip. She's a real character. Now this is a lady by the name of. And you know her, you love her. Taylor Shabizness. She murdered her. Yeah. She is so evil looking, man.

[Ed Larson]

She's like, look at, this is a. Moments before she attacks, we're gonna show this guy and it's just like him, like her, like blatantly like about to attack this man. Him just like, he looks so defeated.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Watch the video. It's the opposite. He. He's such a. This motherfucker's a real g. We're gonna get into all this. All right, so Taylor Shabusiness murdered Shad Therion, 24 years old. This is in 2022. This came after a night of them smoking methamphetamine. And I guess which I did not know you could do is melt down and inject the sleeping aid trazodone, which I think gives you good middle ground.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, it brings you back to zero.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It just gives you back to zero. So everybody was fine. And so in this murder, they said that they had already experimented with auto erotic asphyxiation. She decided to do it with chains. And she was having a really good time with it to the point where she saw blood come out of his mouth and she had killed him with her bare hands. Then she fellated his dead corpse. Then she desecrated his. His dead corpse by playing with his butthole, stuffing stuff up his butthole. Then she chopped off his head with a butter knife. Oh, yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Oh no, with a bread knife.

[Henry Zabrowski]

She's a. She's a real determined lady Taylorship. Business is a career. Wanting to be murderer. She is someone that grew up, you know, Remember those little commercial for Marcus?

[Ed Larson]

She's wrong.

[Henry Zabrowski]

She's.

[Ed Larson]

She's made incorrectly.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But, you know, I like that they said no one grows up wanting to be a junkie. Yeah, she did. Like, this is a lady that saw the commercial was like, yeah, I loved. I want. Yeah, fried egg. Yes, that's me. I'm the fried egg.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And so she. Taylor Shabizness is such a devious looking woman now. Yeah, this is. So she's been put in jail for life.

[Ed Larson]

She's 27.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, buddy. Oh, she looks 48. She's an intense lady. She's had a lot of life, eddie. She's lived 27. She's lived a lot of life.

[Ed Larson]

Oh my God.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Hershey business was living and she. Business was good. And Taylor's your business now in jail is more dangerous than she's out of your business. Well, no. Oh, buddy. She put herself right back into your business because she was the first lawyer. Now the first lawyer, she attacked a lawyer, her first defense lawyer during a hearing that then involved in her having. She had to put a bag over her face. She sat there. So she's already attacked one lawyer. This is during her sentencing for the first crime.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

So now she's in jail for a. For life with no parole. Then in jail she gets into an altercation with a prisoner. They. She gets cut. A nurse has to go and deal with Taylor Bis.

[Ed Larson]

She got to take a staple out of her face.

[Henry Zabrowski]

She's got to do something to her, right? Was it a staple?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, she had a staple. Well, from the, from the wound scar because. Yeah, because they closed up the scar from the prison attack and then she had a staple in her face that the nurse had to remove.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And then she attacked the nurse. So the nurse comes in, she attacks the nurse. They then call in the prison guard. Prisoner comes in, she attacks the prison guard with a pan, a bedpan and full on fight. Full takes several dudes to pin her down to the ground. She's fucking. Now she's in trouble again. She doesn't care.

[Ed Larson]

How could she be in trouble? She's in prison for life. That's just what we're talking about with Lori.

[Henry Zabrowski]

They just add to it. They just add to the end of it.

[Ed Larson]

Had to what?

[Henry Zabrowski]

They just put you back into the system because the goal is they. They have to get you for each crime and they got to give you opportunities. It's how. How it works. So now she is going to be put on trial for assault. Right. So now she's on assault in jail. Her most recent hearing to figure out all of this disappearances. She attacks her lawyer again. Now this different lawyer, different lawyer, new lawyer, brand new lawyer. Now this is a person by the name of Curtis Joel. Curtis Joel is one of these guys. He looks like you Know when your lawyer also sort of looks like a criminal. Like he looks like John Fetterman.

[Ed Larson]

Like he looks like you would take it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes, he looks like a guy, you know, like so he kind of looks like a guy like how do you put it? Her, even her lawyer looks like a shaved orangutan in a suit.

[Ed Larson]

He looks like a sad potato man.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But see, I kind of like this look. He looks to me like the guy funny enough stuff. How do I say it? He's like the joker's lawyer.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Like he looks like Arkham Asylum's like home defendant.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. A disgraced cop who can't be a cop anymore, so he becomes a lawyer.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But sometimes these guys, you know, we hear at last podcast and left are not anti defense attorney. I think defense attorneys are extremely important.

[Ed Larson]

I'm very pro defense attorney and this.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Guy is technically who I'm calling if I ever have a problem. I am calling this man because of this reaction. So. So they are sitting in the beginning of the sentencing. Taylor Ship business is brought in. She's got a bit of a mischievous glint in her eye now. It seems to be maybe everybody knows that there's something going on. We don't know whether or not she has made threats to this lawyer ahead of time, but it seems that she really likes the attention. So in this video she sat down. So let's play it now.

[Ed Larson]

He for sure looks like he's waiting to be attacked.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, he. I don't think he knows because you'll see the reaction.

[Ed Larson]

I mean he knows she attacked her last layer.

[Henry Zabrowski]

So she clocks him, right? You see here she looks into the camera. Boom. So as she gets up, she barely touched him. Well, only because the behind him. Look at this fucking offensive lineman push that dude. The security officer behind her needs to get offensive lineman of the year. That dude is huge. And he is, is like he's in a three point stance like right behind her. Because as she gets up to get him, she shoulders in her tits. I mean, yeah, just book. Boom. Gets her down.

[Ed Larson]

He's probably keyed in the entire trial. Waiting, waiting.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Look at this reaction. Eddie. Curtis Juka. Now he does this. Curtis Joelka turns to the prosecutor and just does the why me worry? What are you gonna do?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, what are you gonna do?

[Henry Zabrowski]

I think if I could do these crazy, right? She's crazy.

[Ed Larson]

You don't want to sit over here, do you?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yo, look like this is such a hardcore motherfucker. He barely flinched.

[Ed Larson]

He definitely looks like someone who's taken a beating or two.

[Henry Zabrowski]

He Looks like. I think he's given a beating or two.

[Ed Larson]

Well, I think so, but doesn't mean if he's given them that he hasn't taken them.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But look at this. This is a. I just. I'm proud of this lawyer. And it got. But that lady. The key about Taylor ship business is that she clocks the camera before she attacks him. She wants this attention.

[Ed Larson]

Well, yeah, because she's trying to get off for being crazy.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But the thing is, is that it constantly backfires on her because then they do. They have done several competency runs on her.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

They did it during the OG trial because they're all like. You know, she's saying when she confessed. Her confessions are chilling too, because it was all like. She thought it was hot. She thought the whole thing was awesome. She got sexually excited by the. By the entire fucking arrangement. So she is. I think, you know what. What A lot of us talk about living our best lives.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And she actually is.

[Ed Larson]

Well, she.

[Henry Zabrowski]

This is what she's always wanted. Yeah. This is what she's always wanted.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. But she pleaded not guilty by insanity.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. Because she has to.

[Ed Larson]

But yeah. So I think she's just keeping it up at this point.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You know, I. You'd say that. I think that it's. The glint in her eye shows me that she has an idea that it's very entertaining to her. She's a definitely very villainous person.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes. She's an evil person that needs to be in jail.

[Ed Larson]

The world's better without her on the street.

[Henry Zabrowski]

She has to be in jail.

[Ed Larson]

I want most prisoners out of jail, not her.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Because a lot of people, you understand the. The insanity plea largely is.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, no one ever gets it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Almost. It's almost impossible unless you truly are, and I mean this in the gentlest way possible, a babbling, crazy person. You have to be Richard Chase. That is as far as it go. And then guess what?

[Ed Larson]

It.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I believe he. No, but I believe they found him guilty. But he still went into a home for the mentally like the criminally insane. Same thing with that. I watched jcs, one of my favorite true crimes channels is back. He did a thing where a guy that was at a house flipper reality show brutally murdered his wife who didn't want to be on the show anymore. And you see this guy. It's like the same thing where he tried to do the. The insanity plea by faking being crazy and then got thrown into a mental asylum for five years, continuing to try to beat the competency rap. And they still said at the end of the five years, they're like, yeah, he's sane. So then he had to be in a house of criminally insane. Then he had to be tried. Then he went to jail. Then he had to go to the fucking maximum security prison for murder in the first degree.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. I don't know. I mean, like if you're running a TV show for so long, you know.

[Henry Zabrowski]

He didn't run. He was just. He wasn't even. He was just the guest builder. Taylor of the day. He was in one episode.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, I thought he was the host.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But Taylor's your business. I just gotta say. Leave us alone. I'm just saying if you ever get out. I'm sorry. And leave us alone. If there's a woman that I believe could tunnel her way out of jail, it's Taylor's. Your business.

[Ed Larson]

You think so?

[Henry Zabrowski]

I think we need to have a close ass eye on Taylorship business.

[Ed Larson]

I think they do have a close ass eye.

[Henry Zabrowski]

They better.

[Ed Larson]

I'm really not worried about her getting out.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No, cuz. But she wants to get out.

[Ed Larson]

Yes. I don't think she's very athletic.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Look at what he just did.

[Ed Larson]

She got nailed. She got a level to medium.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Cause a guy twice her weight.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, man, she had.

[Henry Zabrowski]

She dealt with. She overpowered the prison guard and the J. Like, this isn't. This lady's not around.

[Ed Larson]

I mean, I'm not trying to fight her, you know.

[Henry Zabrowski]

She is not around.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And there's just something. She's got a glint in her eye. She's got a little flirty, little lifter. Like a little thing in there. I don't know what it is about her.

[Ed Larson]

All right.

[Henry Zabrowski]

She scares me. I'm just. Get away from me. All right. Don't look at me like that. She got makeup on. She looks a little bit younger. Actually kind of looks older when she's got makeup on.

[Ed Larson]

So we got a couple women that have really caused some trouble this week.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You go, girls. Yeah, Shaka con. Yeah, we got.

[Ed Larson]

We have our Kentucky teacher. Or we have our Ohio polygamist.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, we have to do our Ohio polygamist. You know, Ohio makes them different.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Don't they? You know, you have your beautiful wife from Ohio.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, yeah. There's lots of decent people in Ohio.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But I feel your beautiful wife was an escapee from Ohio.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, very much so.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And she was. I view your wife as errant Ohio DNA.

[Ed Larson]

Know what I've realized being in Ohio for so long? Is that the news there? They're lucky Florida exists.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, they're they're the new Florida.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, it is crazy there all the time. And I feel like people don't give Ohio enough credit for how fucking constantly crazy it is.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It really is. But you know what's nice about this story is that it's another example of you. Sometimes you'd be surprised at the sexual proclivities of some of the grosser people you've ever seen. And because these guys. Yeah, some of them and suck more than you have ever or sucked and your whole life and they make it work for themselves in their gross little worlds. And honestly, I'm almost jealous.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Now we got. We got a lady and her five boyfriends.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, wow. Boyfriends is a term for that. I kind of view her as a human. You know those doll. You know those sandwich. Was it the snacky cake? Snowball snack?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, snowball.

[Henry Zabrowski]

She's like a human version of a snowball getting by a bunch of rats.

[Ed Larson]

Okay. All right. I would say gas station sandwich, but yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Martina Jones.

[Ed Larson]

I will say yummy. These guys, they are disgusting. They're terrified.

[Henry Zabrowski]

This is my favorite group.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Miscreants.

[Ed Larson]

Lots of like different versions of Jesus on meth. Like, it's definitely. But I will say all these guys, Guys, Pretty good hair.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I. You know what? I don't, I don't disagree.

[Ed Larson]

Surprisingly good hair.

[Henry Zabrowski]

They could use some biotin. Now, six people.

[Ed Larson]

Aaron Bradshaw could use some bio. But the rest of these guys, I mean, it's luxurious.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Now God gives and he takes away.

[Ed Larson]

Can I tell you one thing? If you why their hair is so nice?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Because he took away some chromosomes.

[Ed Larson]

Well, because I'm sure they don't bathe. And if at first it gets bad.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But then, then it starts to reels.

[Ed Larson]

And like start getting good. If you go a really long time, it's without shampooing. And I think that's what happened with these fellas.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Never find this out. Now there are six people in Ohio are accused of kidnapping a man and torturing him for seven days, including beating him with a metal bat and depriving him of food and water. And even worse, booking him into a red Room Inn. We had red roof. I'm sorry. Yes, I'm sorry. You know. Oh, wow. Yeah. Definitely a horrible place for you and your plus size entourage to torture a man.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Now, if this would never happen in Ameria, not once. I've never seen this at a Kimpton.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No, never. Now the group, they tortured this man. Now the man is gone, unnamed. I think he's closer to a Boy. Now, the lady in his 20s. He's in his 20s. Now, Martina Esqueda is 28 years fun, is the leader of this group of young ruffians that are all thirsty for that punani. They come with Aaron Bradshaw, I want to say the head security officer with his. The other boyfriend is his son, Austin Bradshaw.

[Ed Larson]

It's his son.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Okay. I don't know why I was thinking nephew.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No, he taught daddy taught son how to his girlfriend. Chance Johnston, 27, David Cessna, and Martina Escada's actual husband, Michael Escada, 28. Now, these five men out, the five men in this one lovely lady, they formed a little bit of, one might call a patch. Now, the thing is, I look at them, I don't really understand quite the sexual energy that goes on in there. But at the same time, I, as much as all of this literally makes my skin crawl and makes me nauseous to the very corner of me imagining it.

[Ed Larson]

They all look straight up evil.

[Henry Zabrowski]

These guys want to more than anybody's ever. And this woman is providing it. So whatever it is, maybe we're missing out.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

So this guy. So apparently there was a fake David Cessna.

[Ed Larson]

Is the. Is the scariest looking one for sure.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Ed Larson]

He's definitely killed before.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No, they, they. There was apparently a dog fight in the. Their property. So they have been sharing a property together. And there was a dog fight and Martina and the unnamed kidnapping.

[Ed Larson]

I think it was a, Like a professional dog fight. Like, I don't think it was.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Are there any. I think, I feel like even at.

[Ed Larson]

Their very best, I don't think money was being thrown down. I think two dogs got in an argument.

[Henry Zabrowski]

The two dogs got into an actual fight?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, I don't think, but I don't, I don't. I don't think these people are dog fighters.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No.

[Ed Larson]

I don't think they pass them.

[Henry Zabrowski]

They're not. They don't have the organizational skills. Yes. To run a dog gambling ring.

[Ed Larson]

Yes. But I don't think that's what was happening here.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No. And so the unnamed kidnapping tried to break up the fight with the dogs and got involved with Martina, who then she apparently, like he says, it's a he said, she said thing where he said, oh, we got into this fight. And I heard her, Martina tells her gang, oh, of skinny rat, that this guy broke my arm, which is. It wasn't broken. And then they proceeded to kidnap him and torture him for the next week. So they took him to a room, they beat him with metal baseball bats. They stood him up. They made him do all this kind of. He said he only stomped on him a bunch. They stomped on him a bunch for.

[Ed Larson]

10 hours over seven days.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes.

[Ed Larson]

They fed him once a day. And they. It seems. And they made him stand.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes.

[Ed Larson]

For long periods of time.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Which must have been so hard being inside of that comfortable, wonderful Red Roof Inn. Just looking at that wonderful. Yeah. Bed. And incredible. The mat that you sleep on and then the. And then the weird stool that's there for the child that you've trafficked. And it's such a wonderful place.

[Ed Larson]

I mean, I beat a man next to death for a week and no one noticed anything. That is like, if you want to check out from Life Life, Red Roof.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Wow.

[Ed Larson]

No one's checking in on you there.

[Henry Zabrowski]

If you're looking to group torture a man after your. Your professional dog fights.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Come on down. A red roof in Toledo, maui.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Wow. 3.5 stars.

[Ed Larson]

Not bad, actually.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Actually, that's not bad. Can we read some of these Yelp reviews of this? It's 2.2 on Yelp. 2.2 on. Yeah. Something that could be cooked at Rob. Something that could be cooked. I want to read some of these two stars.

[Ed Larson]

Yelp was actually what the.

[Henry Zabrowski]

The man was doing.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

The room is filthy. The front desk is used to it. I'm not sure how a dirty room gets overlooked, but I wasn't offered another one or an apology. I'm pretty sure this is a hotel that people live in versus one that rents out to people traveling. Suspicious drug activity, people sleeping in their cars and the staff being okay with renting out. Something like this is not okay. Sure, sure. Not smoking is. No, smoking is a joke. Cigarette butts on the floor in a room. It smelled like smoke in the hallways.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Toilet 12 inches off the floor. You don't like.

[Ed Larson]

That's definitely low.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, refrigerator made noise all night. The noise was like, help me, help me, help me here.

[Ed Larson]

Get me to a little quinta.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But here, though. What's that four star saying? This guy really liked it. When we take road trips, we don't usually plan our overnight stay. If we need to stop for the night, we find a hotel wherever we happen to be. This is usually a straightforward process, but on this particular night. Okay. To be precise, it was one in the morning and Maumee, Ohio, just outside of Olivia. This is a four paragraph.

[Ed Larson]

I mean, he liked it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Positive rating for this right underneath. I was robbed at knifepoint by a lady who pretty much lived there. Found this out after meeting her on the bus route and it not from here. I must I add.

[Ed Larson]

That was probably her.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Why did he do the Ed Grimley?

[Ed Larson]

Oh yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Wow. So go check out the Red Roof Inn and Ohio and tell them last podcast in the left sent you.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, I think they use the AC units as urinals.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I mean, partially. It's just cuz it's the only thing that keeps the piss cold enough to travel.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, and at least with the bedbugs you're not sleeping alone.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Hey, and that's the only thing you can ask for when you're traveling on the road. Especially when you're already getting done pork. The five semi hard penises that have been in your trailer park for the last two years. You've probably known each one of those penises to their five since they were five years old. And now they're all. You're letting them all fuck you. But they're calling it a cult. They're saying Martina Jones is the leader, which I love.

[Ed Larson]

Okay. I mean it makes sense. Cult leaders make everyone fuck them.

[Henry Zabrowski]

They have Manson vibes, kind of.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, for sure.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Like a whole bunch of Charles Manson. Don't do that to them.

[Ed Larson]

Them.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Don't do that to Charles Manson. Charles Manson kind of had style, you know, even Charles Manson was a pop icon, these guys.

[Ed Larson]

And the ladies were cute.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Is.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Time according to Tarantino.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Sure. But time Tarantino also. They were an older version of me.

[Ed Larson]

Thought so you thought that the.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That they were cute. But now as an adult, I don't find them as cute as I did.

[Ed Larson]

You said an older version of you.

[Henry Zabrowski]

So that's a youngest ver. The younger version.

[Ed Larson]

Okay. I was like, so you're going to.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Think eventually I will turn around. Yeah. So that's one story. What else? All right, so let's go. Let's go to another story.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah. We'll go to the other. We'll go to our other lady. This is a lady heavy episode. You know it is.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Thank God.

[Ed Larson]

I mean, Women's history month just ended. But you know, we're here anyway.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It doesn't end for us ever. Never.

[Ed Larson]

All right, so this teacher from Kentucky sexually abused a boy and then solicited him to kill her husband.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Now we just really even bring. It's not that complicated of a story.

[Ed Larson]

No, there's really not much going on.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Elena Barton.

[Ed Larson]

It didn't work. It wasn't successful.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Nope. She tried to get him to go and she had sucked his penis a couple times and sent him a bunch of naughty pictures. Try to get this Child to kill her husband. Now, we now know. We know this soul real. This is a thing that's across the United States of America. We've seen this countless times. Just this year. I'll never really understand it. Obviously, this is one of those women too. Like you can tell immediately she thinks she's way hotter than she is.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, yeah. No, she's trying to look sexy in her mug shot.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes. She. And there's something about this that I just don't understand. I'll never understand this type of pedophilia. But the one thing, one of the biggest things I don't understand is maybe I'm wrong. If you're sucking. If you're. If you're raping a child, just go. Just do this.

[Ed Larson]

All right. All right.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Right.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. This is hypotheticals.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. We're just curious and exploring.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You're in teacher, you're in teach. You're a teacher, and you're doing this right. And you're in Kentucky. Yes. And your ultimate goal is to have your husband murdered. Right. I feel like the kids that would be subjected to this style of grooming might not be the great one to be assassins.

[Ed Larson]

No.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I feel like if you're gonna suck.

[Ed Larson]

Dick, it's to get your husband at least older, 21.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I think that if you are, and this is just advice. Advice that if you're looking to get your husband murdered, that you shouldn't rely on a child because they are super flaky.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And then I think that they're not ready to commit. I think that if you wanted someone to murder your husband, you have to shoot for a man just out of prison. Man just about to be let out of prison. Now that's a super good one. If you're a semi hot lady and you can guss yourself up into a bunch of pictures, you can convince an ex con that is about to get out of jail to murder your husband for you. And they're more likely to do it. Eric Goodwin. Yes.

[Ed Larson]

But the thing is, she didn't got no money. She's a teacher in Kentucky.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's not about money. Then. It's not about money.

[Ed Larson]

You don't you think the ex con would just do it?

[Henry Zabrowski]

By that point, you got to get somebody who's at such a thirst point for titties that they'll do anything to see them. They literally will do anything. And that's somebody who is just being released from just jail.

[Ed Larson]

And why wouldn't she get divorced?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Because it's against God.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. We don't know anything about the husband, you know?

[Henry Zabrowski]

No.

[Ed Larson]

Well, you know, the husband could be a horrible person.

[Henry Zabrowski]

He's just a guy. No one we don't know. Unless you're absolutely beating the out of somebody or and you're putting somebody's life in danger, you don't deserve to get killed. You should just get divorced. It is easier to get divorced. I know that.

[Ed Larson]

I'm not saying kill the husband. No, I, I just, you know, I'm just trying to find a motive here.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I do. The motive is because husbands are bad sometimes. Sometimes. Edit yeah, because ins are boring and they're not as fun and cool as a 14 year old in your class.

[Ed Larson]

15.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Got the calendar out besides stories lpotl gmail.com who are you grooming to kill your husband? Who do you choose? I feel like you're actually also better off with a dog.

[Ed Larson]

A direwolf maybe. Rise from your grave on April 18th.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Sinners are coming.

[Ed Larson]

From Oscar nominated filmmaker Ryan Coogler, director.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Of Black Panther and Creed, starring Michael B. Jordan, comes the motion picture event of the year.

[Ed Larson]

Twin brothers Smoke and Stack, both played by Michael B. Jordan, return to their.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Hometown for a fresh start, only to.

[Ed Larson]

Discover that an unspeakable evil is waiting to welcome them back.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Don't miss the genre bending thrill ride. Shot with IMAX film cameras, Sinners arrives only in theaters on April 18th. Rated R. Under 17. Not admitted without parents Are your kids struggling with homework? IXL is an online learning program that covers math, language arts, science and social studies with interactive practice problems for kids from Pre K to 12th grade. Using advanced algorithms, IXL's questions adjust to the right level of difficulty for each different student as they practice, whether it's on the computer or using the app, on a phone or tablet. Memberships started only 9.95amonth month. And I tell you, once we started it, Carmi has been getting through elementary school with just it is astounding to see the growth that she's had in reading over the last couple months working with ixl. Because up in the very beginning, Carmi was going like, just kind of barking at the computer. And then now I got her saying stuff like I was like, what did you say? Car me? And she went, went, chicken. You asking for chicken? He's like, chicken. She points at ixl. It's teaching her how to say chicken. Who'd have thunk it? Thanks, ixl. Great. One more person asking me for stuff. Make an impact on your child's learning. Get IXL now and last podcast on the left listeners can get an exclusively 20% off IXL membership when they sign up today at ixl.com learning left visit ixl.com left to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price. Do you plan your vacation locations based on the local language? With Babel, language no longer has to be the barrier. Yes, I can see German now without flipping out. I could see Spanish without me wondering where I am. In a carousel of of delusion and neglect. See Babel's. Babel's quick 10 minute lessons, handcrafted by over 200 language experts get you to begin speaking your new language in three weeks or whatever pace you choose. I want it now. Babel's tips and tools are inspired by the real life stuff you actually need when communicating. Like, how do I get out of this tube? Where is the bathroom? Where's the bathroom inside of this tube? Are you the man that's going to get me out of this tube? Tube? Are you the woman that's going to get me out of this tube? It's so important to know how to say that in so many different languages because one of the things that you find when you travel in different countries, they delineate what are construction sites differently. And it's always different. You never know. Sometimes you think it's, oh, wow, what a cool speakeasy. Oh, no, I'm in a cement mixer. That's what Babel's gonna clear up for you. All right. Learn to read. Read in many languages. Let's get more of you talking in new languages. Babel is gifting our listeners 60% off [e-mail] left get up to 60% [e-mail] left spelled B A B B E L.com left babel.com left rules and restrictions may apply. Now we know we talked about this a little bit, a bit of a story, just, you know, science. They have apparently reconstructed the, the formerly extinct direwolf. Yes. Which according to some people, if you look at the actual breakdown of how they did it, it's very similar to Jurassic park where they used the old DNA that they found mixed with dog DNA to make a new dog. And that's why some scientists are saying it's not a direwolf. It just looks like a direwolf and might act like a dire direwolf. It's part direwolf.

[Ed Larson]

They just, they just created a cooler dog.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But they're saying that because it's white, that's what makes it a direwolf. But that can also be, it seems like it would be controlled by some form of CRISPR style work that they do on dogs. And so we're seeing this.

[Ed Larson]

But everyone, this is the company that made the woolly mouse.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes. And. But there's a lot of people that are saying, much like how when we were talking about this right before the show, Eddie brought it up, which is like, maybe we should do some other animals first.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, but the white rhino is almost extinct. There's only two male or two female or something.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I think the only reason why they're white rhino.

[Ed Larson]

Let's keep the that thing going.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I feel like that they think because the problem with scientists is, you know, what I learned, you know who taught me this? Sadly, Jeffrey Epstein, which is that scientists are, I always kind of thought in my head, scientists and all this stuff.

[Ed Larson]

Explain yourself.

[Henry Zabrowski]

They're all like incorruptible. Like they're not in it for anything. Like, you know, which is fine. Right.

[Ed Larson]

Like, where are your Jeffrey Epstein meeting.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Superman short, which he was upset about. But like Jeffrey Epstein taught me that scientists can be purchased and that what you can do sometimes what you. Also, sadly, more on the real side of this is that sometimes a scientist has to put together a literal, like flashy package for you to want to give grants and research things to them, which is why they do stuff like look, see everybody, we made the direwolf that psycho Game of Thrones. You guys thought Game of Thrones? We made Game of Thrones Dog. Dog. Do guys give money to the Game of Thrones dog people? Yeah, because it's this thing of like, because they're desperate for money. Because we are as a country sliding away from research and an original research and going more towards winning some fake. The technically economical war with other countries to build AI first, which is in the end more of a moral slash future. What does the future hold for humankind issue, which is no one wants to talk about yet.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, well, here's this company, Colossal, also cloned four red wolves, which are critically endangered. So I think that's cool.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's cool.

[Ed Larson]

That's fine. I think it's all fucking weird.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But I, but also I think I get it. I get it up to a point.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. But the thing is, it's just like they're getting all these people to really look at, look at who's in the investors here. Tom Brady, Tiger Woods, Paris Hilton and Peter Jackson.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, it's all just because this is how you get celebrities to be involved. Because this, it is cool. But if I know you were saying bring back the dodo.

[Ed Larson]

The dodo would be great because we.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Can eat it, but I still think that we just do the same thing that we did the last one. It's going to turn into. It's just going to end up at fucking Howlin Ray's. Well, that's why we have hot dodo. That's all we're going to have. We're going to have Nashville. Hot dodo.

[Ed Larson]

That'd be awesome.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Right? I'll take it. I'll eat it. Yeah. But the direwolf is a. Look at the direwolf. That's what they had in the game of 12. They had the dire wolf. And so everyone's just like. Like. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Oh, wow. That's amazing because. Because again, I just don't think dodos have the same.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Cachet.

[Ed Larson]

Well, yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Make a dragon.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. But, you know.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, make a dragon never existed.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, they did. You're creating a dragon.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Dinosaurs were basically the old versions of dragons. Why we wrote stories about dragons is because some people saw these. The evidence of these things under the ground.

[Ed Larson]

You think that people saw like a pterodactyl's bones and they were like, that's a dragon.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's possible. Also, I think that there's plesiosaurs that were around for much longer than we thought. I think that there are words.

[Ed Larson]

Monster, right?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes. Or is it the ghost of a plesiosaurus?

[Ed Larson]

They're saying there's one in Michigan now.

[Henry Zabrowski]

They're saying a lot of.

[Ed Larson]

I've heard that people think they're still around.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No, I know. I actually feel like that stuff's very, very interesting in terms of the idea of there being. Because you've ever heard it's a Thiocene. It's a type of dog that was an extinct dog.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That has been recently spotted again. It's like Thia. See? Yeah. Thylacine.

[Ed Larson]

Okay.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It was an instinct dog.

[Ed Larson]

The Tasmanian Tasmanian tiger.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's exactly what it is. A Tasmanian tiger is what it's called. And they've now been. A couple of them popped up again. Oh, really? They've said they've been on a watch. See, that's like the cryptid stuff that I find fascinating is the stuff like.

[Ed Larson]

Well, there's so little people around there. They could legitimately still be hiding.

[Henry Zabrowski]

We don't know. And so I think that they're, you know. That's the kind of stuff.

[Ed Larson]

See that movie with Willem Dafoe where he's like this hunter trying to kill the last one.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No, it's awesome.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

What's it called?

[Ed Larson]

Oh, what the is it called? But yeah, no, it's. He's trying to kill. He's. He's evil hunter and he's trying to kill the last Tasmanian. Oh, it's called the hunter.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's. That's hilarious.

[Ed Larson]

It's a great movie. You should really watch it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

So it's about like a poacher.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. No, he's like. He heard of a Tasmanian tiger and then so he's like out trying to kill it. And then Sam Neil's trying to stop.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Hired by a biotech company to kill it. I guess it's so they can bring it back and they can reproduce it. Right. That's the idea that we'll go and we'll. We're doing the same plot. Yeah. We're just in the fucking plot.

[Ed Larson]

I think, you know, it's because it's weird because I'm go back and forth. Obviously dire wolves had their chance. They're gone.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

But also new dog.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I think it's cool.

[Ed Larson]

I think it's. I. You know, new dog. I mean, I think this dog just died. I love a new dog.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Anything that expands life. Life is an interesting way to go. Right now. I think that we are seeing a big die off of a bunch of different types of animals. I think that we are going to very often in the future engineer what we need. And I think that that's. This is the beginning of what this is. Eventually we're going to engineer.

[Ed Larson]

It's healthy. I think it's good.

[Henry Zabrowski]

We don't know meat well. We are. We have. That's the one thing that it's like to me, I know everybody's immediately like. Like, I don't want to eat bugs. I'm afraid of eating bugs in the future. But at least bugs originated on this planet. There's a little part of me that's hesitant to eat the fake bio meat because we don't know what it's going to do to us forever.

[Ed Larson]

What about a golden doodle? What Would you eat one?

[Henry Zabrowski]

I don't want to eat dog.

[Ed Larson]

No.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Either do I. I don't want to eat dog. But I've also.

[Ed Larson]

But the guy who created. Who invented the golden doodle.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, he. He's wrong.

[Ed Larson]

He's written, pronounced it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

He's wrong.

[Ed Larson]

He said that he's wrong.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, I was obsessed with the little town. You know, I love my up little dogs.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Luffy, the paralyzed dog from Dubai. It was my favorite little thing.

[Ed Larson]

Oh yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It was bred into paralyzation for its little tiny face.

[Ed Larson]

It was overbred.

[Henry Zabrowski]

To be cute.

[Ed Larson]

To become bread.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And then. And its legs were malformed because it was made to look so stupid. But that's why I love Luffy so much. And I'm going to. I don't care. I know Luffy's been adopted. Adopted? But I'm going to Dubai. I'm going to steal Luffy from the phone.

[Ed Larson]

This is the new Taken. Except it's going to be.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You love Luffy. Luffy deserves to be with me.

[Ed Larson]

I want Luffy.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No, he doesn't. It's in Dubai. It's built on slave labor.

[Ed Larson]

I tell you what, man. Crippled dogs. It's a lot of maintenance.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Handicapped dogs, please.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, you're right.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I'm sorry. You fucking cruel fuck. Get sued by the ADLA or whatever it's called. Speaking of getting sued now. Yeah, we got this thing. All right. Well, let's talk about this one last story before we get to letters. Because we're going on a cruise. Eddie.

[Ed Larson]

Okay. Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And we want to bring this up because we're all going to be on this cruise together. I cannot stress enough. [e-mail]. last. If you come out. If you have one vacation a year, we're gonna make this a very memorable trip. Yeah. Yeah. We just had a meeting with the guys that were going through what kind of.

[Ed Larson]

We didn't realize how little they had us doing and we demanded we do more.

[Henry Zabrowski]

We're doing a bunch of different activities on this stupid boat. We're going to have so much fun. This is going to be. But the reason why I'm going to tell the story is that I feel like one thing before we go. I want to train us all to have some grace for each other on this boat. Okay? Because we're going to be there. We're going to be drunk. We're going to get.

[Ed Larson]

I lost my grace.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Some form of dysentery? What? Over the. The edge?

[Ed Larson]

No. My mom's old roommate. Grace. She's died.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, you know. Loser. You know exactly where she is. She's in the cemetery. Now, this is a. There is a. So I just want you to be. We have to be very careful with each other on this cruise.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

All right. So let's don't step on any toes. O.

[Ed Larson]

Good lead. Way good. CEO accused of choking a man and threatening to kill him on a cruise ship over barefoot dancing. That's right.

[Henry Zabrowski]

CEOs have been getting a bad rap. And this is. This isn't helping.

[Ed Larson]

So some drunk Happy man was. Was dancing around barefoot inside. I will say this was not outside. This was in. In a nightclub on the cruise ship.

[Henry Zabrowski]

So. So. And he was. He got close. The guy got close. And the guy's name was Kenneth DiGiorgio.

[Ed Larson]

Yes. And CEO, the man, first American Financial Corp.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes. This is where they were on the.

[Ed Larson]

Resilient lady, his wife, Nicole.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Virgin voice. His wife Nicole was not a resilient Lady.

[Ed Larson]

No. Oh, that was the name of the show.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, that's the name of the boat.

[Ed Larson]

The Resilient Lady. Oh, God, that sounds awful.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, yeah. Sounds like a. It sounds like a woman you don't want to meet at the return desk of a target.

[Ed Larson]

Yes, it sounds like your business.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, she is a resilient lady. So the. This guy was dancing barefoot inside of the bar, and he got near his wife.

[Ed Larson]

The on the rocks bar.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Now, let me say this to Eddie. It's been a really long time since I've been on a cruise. And so part of this is, wouldn't you say, on a cruise? Well, like, it's probably. It's more gross for you to not have your shoes. Your shoes on.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Inside of it. Because that's also me. I get skeeved out about not having shoes and socks on. But my question is, is that. Is it that out of character within a cruise ship?

[Ed Larson]

No. You're going. It's island life.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Right. You know, isn't the entire boat island life?

[Ed Larson]

Also, by the way, the bar, it's called on the Rocks. I don't want to be thinking about hitting rocks when I'm on a boat. You know, this is like, this is a bad name for a bar.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Shipwrecks. Yeah. Going out to Lost at Sea. But yes, over here you're going to have that. We're all going to rape each other. Daiquiri.

[Ed Larson]

So this guy, unnamed victim. Here, here, dancing around, no shoes on. Nicole, the wife goes up to him, says, quote, look, we're all grown ups here. Can you put your shoes on? The victim then started cursing at her and giving her the middle finger.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And then her husband, which is honestly a. I completely reasonable response because his feet was getting close to his wife. I. I could see why he was getting angry. I hate feet, too. But also, But I will say, never tried to stop a man who is dancing with no shoes on because you're gonna get the double bird. It is not. No man intoxicated, dancing with no shoes on is gonna be like, oh, I'm sorry.

[Ed Larson]

You might even get the quadruple bird if he knows how to flick you off with his feet.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, you see the two middle toes stick up. That would make me throw up, by the way.

[Ed Larson]

So the victim said that the DiGiorgio used a lot of. And it felt like his throat was going to be ripped out.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Larson]

So this guy's very strong. To Giorgio, while he was choking him, said, I'm going to kill you.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Whoa. I wonder. So that was. That really can't be too misinterpreted.

[Ed Larson]

Was then ordered confined to his room, which shows his privilege, because there are jails on these ships.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, they. I do think that they are, from what I've heard from people. People. It's layers of approach.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

So you can be. You can be put into your job because you're going to be seeing police officers when you get off the boat.

[Ed Larson]

Well, yeah, as soon as they got to Puerto Rico, because Puerto Rico is technically America, the cops took them.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes, so that does happen. And so apparently what it is, is it's levels. You can be sequestered to your room. That's level one. And then I believe if you then try to leave your room, you will go to the brig. Because I think they try to give you the shot, because I think that once you're in the brick on the boat, that's a bunch of paperwork that a bunch of people don't want to do.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, they don't want to do that.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Because if you're already going to get scooped by the cops anyway and you'll feel. Stay in your room.

[Ed Larson]

I hate to go back to something we were talking about earlier, but I can't help but notice that the boat is called the Resilient lady, but it's owned by Virgin.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yep. That's a resilient woman.

[Ed Larson]

That is contradicting statements.

[Henry Zabrowski]

See, you say this, but I say it's the resilient woman that could possibly, possibly resist the efforts of many, many, many men. It takes a resilient lady to not get in every hole.

[Ed Larson]

Last I heard, the legal team representing the Giorgio, he's been CEO of this company since February 2022. Said he looks forward to being absolved of any wrongdoing. Yes, but he did choke this person in front of everybody.

[Henry Zabrowski]

He's gonna go. He's gonna get some kind of time or he'll get time served. There'll be something there. It's just we have to kind of let you remember that we're all on this boat together.

[Ed Larson]

It was in international waters.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It was. And so we'll see. But I don't think anybody can be choked anywhere.

[Ed Larson]

No, but it is. I think if you're going to choke someone, it's better to do it out there.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes.

[Ed Larson]

You're supposed to do it on land.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You're completely correct. And that way you are not wrong. But no, I, I, I think that this, man, we have to allow each other this space. And if you're on there, there's no point in being uptight on a cruise. You're already on a cruise. Because guess what? What? And I'm, I'm. Let's just be frank. That's not even that fancy of a cruise.

[Ed Larson]

No.

[Henry Zabrowski]

If this was a super fancy cruise, it also be different.

[Ed Larson]

Well, that's what also I think kind of what we got going on Here is these CEOs, they're used to really fancy, nice things and then they go on a normal cruise and then they're around normal people.

[Henry Zabrowski]

The rest of us who dance around.

[Ed Larson]

Without our shoes on.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. Get all hammered and drunk and get all like fun people.

[Ed Larson]

You know what? As much as I'm like, oh, you know, come see what it's like, you know, Know what? Stay away, dude.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, go to St. Bart.

[Ed Larson]

I don't need your ass on this boat, man.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Go to your fancy, dude.

[Ed Larson]

This is our only vacation.

[Henry Zabrowski]

This is my trash.

[Ed Larson]

Like, this isn't for you.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You've decided to come into my trash life.

[Ed Larson]

This is not your world.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Nobody. Yeah, we're not at the fucking, you know, Ritz Carlton, your friend.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You stay the first of all, the bar is called on the Rocks.

[Henry Zabrowski]

What do you want?

[Ed Larson]

The fuck out.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's just he's got no shoes on. You're lucky he's got pants on.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, DiGiorgio's.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You see his dick and balls, then don't worry about it.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah. They say that he was protecting his wife who felt harassed and threatened and intimidated. And then she said she was in no way in trouble. Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

So she was fine.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. He never touched her. She was just mad he didn't have shoes on, which is his problem.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I mean, it is absolutely his problem. You're on a bar, on a cruise, you're going to see feet. And I. I'm with you. I think it's, I think it's gross too, sir. Yeah, but there's nothing we can do about it.

[Ed Larson]

I'll tell you one dude who's not getting a foot job. Who, the CEO?

[Henry Zabrowski]

No.

[Ed Larson]

Unless advise it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Foot jobs just have to be, you know. You know what?

[Ed Larson]

I've never had one.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's horrible. I think that the goal would be honestly if you.

[Ed Larson]

You better.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's a whole special skill set.

[Ed Larson]

Oh yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

A foot job from somebody who doesn't know what they're doing.

[Ed Larson]

I think it just needs patience.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I think that if you don't know what's going on and you trying to do a foot job. It's so easy to hurt somebody. It's so hurt. The dick and balls are so fr. Angel and. And you know, it's rough down there. We don't know what you got your. If you have had any of these. Your feet done or whatever. I don't know. Yeah. Nothing can make me come but the top half.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

The bottom half, I mean.

[Ed Larson]

Doesn't make you come. The vagina's in there.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Is that the middle of a woman? Would you call that the middle?

[Ed Larson]

Bottom half below the waist.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But what. But I like parts of the top half as well.

[Ed Larson]

I'm just saying you can like her.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Mind and her soul.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, you can like in the top.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Half of a woman.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Do you think corns help with the.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Foot job, I mean. Depends on if you liked it ribbed for his pleasure.

[Ed Larson]

We'll have to ask Jonathan Davis.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, I'm certain he'll know. That's stupid.

[Ed Larson]

Let's do some listening letters think he a bagpipe. We know he's had sex with his father.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yo. We do know that. Now let's talk about this. We have a couple of good we asked last week.

[Ed Larson]

Oh yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

These are some babysitter terrorists terrifying stories.

[Ed Larson]

And we were onslaughted.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes, some of these are great. I love a terrifying story from a babysitter. And so here we go. Let's see what we got here. I was 14. I had a new family that had just moved into our quiet little neighborhood. They didn't stay long, seven, maybe eight months. But they'd left an impression I'll never forget. Two daughters, Mia, seven, Sarah, three. And for the sake of privacy, those names will do. At first glance, it was just another job.

[Ed Larson]

It's already a little much.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It is the kind where the parents hand you the emergency contacts. Wave and head out the door. But Mia and Sarah's mom lingered. She looked me dead in the eye and said, you call me if anything happens. Her voice wasn't stern, it was nervous.

[Ed Larson]

Take it again. That was a little stern.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Call me if anything happens.

[Ed Larson]

Much better.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I need easy. I talked it up to the first time jitters about a news sitter. I was just a teenager after all, so the first hour or so was perfectly Normal. The girls played with dolls and blocks. I exhaled easy money. Then came dinner. Pizza. I was slicing up Sarah's plate when Mia's demeanor snapped like a rubber band. She demanded, screamed that I cut hers too. I gently told her I'd be just as second. That's when she started jamming whole slices into her mouth. Eyes locked at mine, she forced herself to choke. I dropped the knife, ran over, dug the pizza out of her throat.

[Ed Larson]

Sorry for laughing.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Her expression never changed. It's very funny.

[Ed Larson]

Children. Insane children make me sick.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Very, very fine. Yeah, it's very one. Sarah was ready for bed. They told me I'd be back to play. I was upstairs for maybe five minutes when I heard it. The kind of scream that drills into your spine. I bolted downstairs, heart pounding, only to find Mia standing in the middle of the room, smiling. Still, I asked, what happened. She stared at me and whispered, I want you to play with me. No. Her eyes were wrong, like someone had flipped a switch behind them and the real girl had disappeared. I told her I'd be back in a minute. She ran ahead of me, faster than I expected and climbed into her sister's bed. Before I could intervene, she shoved Sarah onto the floor. The toddler wailed and I rushed to scoop her up. And the chaos. Mia snatched my phone from my pocket and locked herself in the bathroom. A moment later, I heard the toilet flush. I was still banging on the door when she flung it open and sprinted barefoot out the front door. Her. It was still light out, thank God, but she ran like something was chasing her through the yard into the street. I tore her after her, caught her mid sprint. Wrapped my arms around her like a human cage while she kicked and bit, wild eyed and thrashing. No warning, no trigger. Just something inside her unleashed. Back inside, I told her to go to her room. I checked the bathroom. My phone was soaked at the bottom of the toilet. Then came the worst moment of the night.

[Ed Larson]

Night. It gets worse.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I didn't hear her footsteps, just her presence behind me. I turn, I turned, and there she stood.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, yes, Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I turned. There she stood, big brown eyes, glassy and sweet, like none of it had happened. Are you mad at me? She asked. I didn't answer. I just told her to go back to her room and stayed close to Sarah. Fifteen minutes later, the parents came home. I told them everything. Mom pulled me outside, shutting the door softly behind her. She looked exhausted, haunted. She's been having some trouble, she said. Do you think that we should get help? I never stepped foot in that house again. They moved away not long after. Some kids throw tantrums, some break rules but every now and then you meet one who looks at you with calm eyes and chaos behind them.

[Ed Larson]

I like this was a good letter because they had a nice like send a conclusion statement like a like a Jerry Springer.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No, I loved it.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And also kids are frightening.

[Ed Larson]

I don't want kids at all.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No not no. I want to be nowhere near them.

[Ed Larson]

I yeah stay away.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yep.

[Ed Larson]

I like you know if the parents.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Are around I'll hang out with I actively dislike them.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Actively hate your children.

[Ed Larson]

I I, I talk about that this week on Brighter side. Actually.

[Henry Zabrowski]

We'Re another one and because this is side stories, I'm not going to let today pass without a single mo mention of.

[Ed Larson]

We, we talked a little dookie earlier.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's fine but it's just how life goes.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And it's called a part of life. Much like death is. That will come for all of you at a red roof in that complain. I'm so glad that this story has found a relevant home in the world. I work at a call center for a trash and recycling company. About two years ago I was asked to call and suspend services for this one household. The woman was in her trash can. Her outdoor trash can. Like we all know what dog poop looks like. This is clearly not from a dog. The first time she did it she hit it like a jam filling in.

[Ed Larson]

A she hit it like a jam.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Filling in a layer cake bag. Shit bag. Shit bag bag. The driver had photos, the aftermath smeared on the inside. So we called and we asked her to make sure everything was bagged. Next week he showed up for service and opened the lid to find raw unbagged logs sitting on top of the bags of trash. No paper towels either. We concluded from the evidence provided that the only way she could have done this was to shit directly into her four foot tall trash can can and then rolled it out onto the road like it was normal. Then we had to have a conversation with a stranger about it. So to answer your question, no piss cannot be recycled and yes drivers do check the trash cans.

[Ed Larson]

That's crazy cuz I watched the driver picked up my trash today and the hook grabbed my can and it just went in the back of the no one got out and looked at my can.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I think they have cameras and I do think that it, it depends on what comes sloshing after of it. I think they're watching it go in.

[Ed Larson]

I'm good with my trash I'll tell you that. Much.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You are the most anal trash preparer.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Of all of us.

[Ed Larson]

I do put. But only in the green bin.

[Henry Zabrowski]

What do you mean? Like your own personal.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, my dogs.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You don't put it in the regular trash.

[Ed Larson]

No.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, I got bags. They're in bags.

[Ed Larson]

I put it. I. I don't even use the bags because the bags don't always biodegrade.

[Henry Zabrowski]

So what are you doing? You in your mouth all these.

[Ed Larson]

No, I have a pooper scoop.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Scooper.

[Ed Larson]

They make shovels for Henry.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But what about. Yeah, I have that my backyard. But when you'll be asked. You weren't walking them.

[Ed Larson]

They're in the backyard.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, yeah, I have a scooper.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I take the straight from the scooper and then I put it in the green bin.

[Henry Zabrowski]

This has been great. I think this has been some of our best radio ever. And if you have a problem with it, you can live to yourself away way. You can go take yourself and live some other place because you're wrong.

[Ed Larson]

All right.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And you can love the fact that we made some form of entertainment and did update you on many important things, didn't we?

[Ed Larson]

That's right.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And then you can laugh knowing that we are the people for the job.

[Ed Larson]

That's right.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And no one else can do what we do in the way that we do it.

[Ed Larson]

I don't think that's.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You think so we're the only ones hosting any form of, like, I've really seen very little of Comedians Talk. Talking.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. They hate that.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. There's very little of that in the podcast fair.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

So it's nice that we're doing it.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. We're the only guys in the game, right? Probably the only liberal guys in the game.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, I mean, we're, you know, I don't even know what I am.

[Ed Larson]

You have a, you know, you have a nice opinion, I think.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, I just, you know, regardless, I hate everything. I hate all. I hate all of it.

[Ed Larson]

There you go. That's what I love. And if you hate everything and you live in the Fort Lauderdale area, come see Henry and I do side Stories Live on May 7th at the Fort Lauderdale Daniel Improv. They keep changing the name of this place. They really do, but Fort Lauderdale improv. Daniel improv, Fort Lauderdale in general. We're going to be there on May 7th, and then the following night, May 8th, we're going to be up at the Orlando Funny Bone. The Late show is the only one left. The early show sold out. So get your tickets to the Late show. We're doing two in a row, baby. It's going to be a lot of fun.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Cannot wait. We are going to have a blast. And then we're also going to Atlanta. We will be there after our live show at the Coca Cola Roxy on, on. On June 29th.

[Ed Larson]

29Th also, same thing, sold out. Late show, still available. Dad's Garage side stories. And that is going to be not all. Pretty much all of our shows are pretty, pretty improv. Like we've got bullet points and stuff.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. We're gonna have this other kind of slightly prepared material. This is different.

[Ed Larson]

We are going to literally garage is full nuts.

[Henry Zabrowski]

We're just gonna experiment and we can't wait to do it in front of you.

[Ed Larson]

It's gonna be free thought. And then of course, course, in just. In a couple weeks, in two weeks, we're going to be in Detroit for last podcast on the Left. That's going to be on April 18th. Make sure you come check that show out. There's still a couple tickets left, so grab them while they got nuts. Also, I'm hitting the road. I'm coming for sandwiching those Fort Lauderdale and Orlando dates. On May 6, I'm going to be in Naples. That's a Tuesday at the off the Hook Comedy club. Come hang out with me there. I'm going to have Kevin Skeeny and Lisa Correa with me. It's going to be a lot of fun. Fun. And then May 9th through the 11th comedy Key west, baby. I'm going there and that's going to be a blast.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That is going to be a lot of fun. That's where you're going to drink yourself to death. And it'll be fun.

[Ed Larson]

I will. Well, I won't because I don't like drinking before the show. And so I've.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But you know, right after.

[Ed Larson]

I know, but Key west is such a day drinking town.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I have no idea what you're going to do all day not drinking inside of Key West.

[Ed Larson]

Well, you know who I'm going to visit?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Robert.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Does he know?

[Ed Larson]

Oh, no, I haven't. I mean, this is like me announcing it. I guess.

[Henry Zabrowski]

We're going to have to. You're going to have to.

[Ed Larson]

Should I bring him a gift? Right?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes, yes.

[Ed Larson]

I should bring Robert, like a little last podcast T shirt or something.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes, he needs. Yes, we need to bring him a gift.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah. So we. If we. I'll talk to Ken. Do we have any children's clothes available for merch?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I could go down to buy the orphanage.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Have you ever been over by the abortion clinic? They actually, if you go through the dumps or the abortion clinic, a lot of that stuff.

[Ed Larson]

Didn't have to buy clothes for abortions.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No, no. It's like, I mean some people get a headache. Hats, people do it ahead of time. People get really excited.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Get the toddler tea. Yeah, we'll get in the toddler tea.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, I. I really should bring Robert the doll a T shirt.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's be quee. That'd be.

[Ed Larson]

What were you going to say?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Cat.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, it's cute.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Sweat. That's cat.

[Ed Larson]

Robert, I can't wait to meet you, buddy. I love you. I don't disrespect you in any way. I'm bringing you a gift and we love your hat. Yes. And keep listening to the podcast.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes, please, Robert, if you would maybe.

[Ed Larson]

A good put head.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You know, actually I realized, you know what the. The. The polygamy family reminds me of the five people who comment on our Spotify account for some reason, the weirdest comment strand. It's like, why do they do. They could have done anything. Spotify literally could have added anything to the app.

[Ed Larson]

Why is the Spotify comment so much more evil than any other evil? It's so funny.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's because they shouldn't have comments. There's no reason for comments. Nobody wants.

[Ed Larson]

They're paying for Spotify.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Everybody's mad. All they do is make them pay for another thing. It's every time you do something, they just gonna make you pay for something else because they hate you. But just remember that just like Jesus Christ. We need some other. We need some pro gremlins on there. Go to patreon.com podcast and left.com. don't you just want to give straight to the creators? That's how you do that. And an LP on the left you can see all of our various socials, man. We are really unfortunately working on them. And you can really look at them. They're quite a bit of work. So if you want to look at these socials, that'd be great, honestly. And you're gonna want to go to contact in the desert. We will be there all week. And go to their website. We are there from May 29 to June 2. Buy a ticket. We have a big comedy night plan that we're going to officially announce in the next couple of weeks. That Saturday night. That'll be great.

[Ed Larson]

Sounds like you just announced it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, Last Podcast.com is where you get to go all of our lives, live shows and we're going to see you there, aren't you? We're going to see you out there. Because if not, you're a fucking loser.

[Ed Larson]

Honestly, Bo, contact in the desert, it's going to be a blast coming up. It's two months out. If you can make the trip, like, honestly, it's where you are just in this space. Not just with us, but with some of the greatest UFO people in the world and some of the worst.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's the best.

[Ed Larson]

And it's like. And it's truly like, I mean, like seeing Nick Pope at the bar at.

[Henry Zabrowski]

2Am like, there's something special about. Right? Like, I can't really describe how funny it is to see George Nori walk out of an elevator with his parfait that he got from the hotel, like, gift shop. Like, it is just so funny.

[Ed Larson]

I. I don't know why I can't remember his name. Fire in the sky.

[Henry Zabrowski]

We saw Travis Walton.

[Ed Larson]

Travis Walton just playing guitar next to a fire.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, dude.

[Ed Larson]

Like, it is nuts. It is so much very funny. And then, like, celebrities show up because they need to see this. They're not even a part of the thing.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Fred Nurse was just there last year.

[Ed Larson]

LP was just there.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I got to hang out with LP for a little bit. That guy's a great.

[Ed Larson]

He's very cool. Yes, he's very cool.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I. Hopefully you run to him again. He was hilarious. Actually.

[Ed Larson]

We should reach out to him. He'd be great on the show.

[Henry Zabrowski]

He's fun. Yeah, he's. LP is a genius too, obviously. I love him and I love. I love.

[Ed Larson]

I'm gonna see Run the Jewels soon. When they're opening for Wuang? No, when it's in June.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Where?

[Ed Larson]

Here in town.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Where?

[Ed Larson]

I don't know where. You don't remember venue in Los Angeles.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's summer.

[Ed Larson]

I don't know wherever the tickets are.

[Henry Zabrowski]

We're just talking about our plans now. All right. We got to prepare for this next thing. All right, you. Hail sweet Satan.

[Ed Larson]

Inhale whoever has to deal with Taylor Ship business.

[Henry Zabrowski]

God. Her business is between her and God. Now is your time to get into a new Dr. Horton home by taking advantage of their national red tag sales event going on right now through April 20th. Stop by any of their participating communities and find select red tag homes at Incredible Pricing. So whether you're buying your first home or looking for an upgrade, you don't want to miss the red tag sales event going on right now. Discover the Dr. Horton [e-mail]. that's Dr. Horton.com. Dr. Horton, America's builder and equal housing opportunity builder.