Side Stories: Bitch Stories

Summary

Last Podcast On The Left – Episode: Side Stories: Bitch Stories Release Date: February 12, 2025
Hosts: The Last Podcast Network (Ed Larson, Kara Clank, Henry Zabowski)
Guests: Jackie Zabrowski and Carol Clank from "Who's The Best Catch?"

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1. Introduction to Side Stories

The episode kicks off with Henry Zabowski humorously differentiating between Airbnb and VRBO rentals, setting a lighthearted tone before diving into deeper topics.

Notable Quote:

• Henry Zabowski [00:00]: "Make it a VRBOX."

2. The Zizian Cult: Origins and Actions

Kara Clank introduces the main topic: the Zizian cult, led by a figure known as Ziz (formerly Jack Lasota). The cult's manifesto, influenced by extreme utilitarianism and concepts like Roko's Basilisk, has been linked to multiple murders across Vermont and California. The hosts explore how abstract philosophical beliefs can lead to violent actions.

Notable Quotes:

• Kara Clank [10:02]: "Ziz is the former name... they are under Ziz."
• Ed Larson [14:29]: "Do they think... pro Skynet?"

3. Dungeons & Dragons and Cult Influence

The conversation shifts to a listener's email detailing how a cult member influenced a D&D group through character optimization, mirroring transhumanist ideals. The hosts discuss the unsettling overlap between nerd culture and extremist beliefs.

Notable Quotes:

• Kara Clank [21:48]: "This is really the kind of stuff that..."
• Henry Zabowski [21:54]: "I can't believe this guy went on a second campaign with him."

4. Veterinary Medicine: Old vs. Young Vets

Ed Larson shares insights from his wife, a veterinary technician, contrasting the approaches of older and younger veterinarians. The discussion highlights generational shifts in veterinary practices and patient care.

Notable Quotes:

• Ed Larson [24:37]: "Young vets are usually more current veterinary practices."
• Kara Clank [25:12]: "Read the reviews of your local vet and get to know your vet."

5. Escaped Monkeys in South Carolina

The hosts recount a bizarre story of experimental monkeys escaping in South Carolina, surviving harsh weather, and eventually being recaptured. This anecdote underscores the unpredictable nature of animal behavior and scientific experiments.

Notable Quotes:

• Kara Clank [27:16]: "We got some friends joining us today."
• Ed Larson [28:45]: "They have been recaptured... tempted by peanut butter and jelly sandwiches."

6. Introduction of "Who's The Best Catch?" Guests

Jackie Zabrowski and Carol Clank join the episode to discuss their podcast "Who's The Best Catch?" The segment is filled with playful banter, jokes about physical appearances, and discussions on gender-related topics.

Notable Quotes:

• Kara Clank [33:05]: "We have two of the best other women on our network."
• Jackie Zabrowski [37:05]: "Recalling when Jared Logan was on Letterman."

7. Social Media Harassment: The Fart Video Incident

The guests delve into a case from the UK where a woman sent multiple videos of herself farting to her ex-boyfriend via WhatsApp, leading to legal consequences. The discussion critiques the misuse of technology for harassment and the varying legal responses across regions.

Notable Quotes:

• Kara Clank [48:12]: "She sent a bunch of videos of her clothed behind farting into the camera."
• Jackie Zabrowski [49:59]: "Sometimes you just gotta write out the key points and then call us."

8. Body Image and Cosmetic Enhancements

A humorous yet candid conversation ensues about cosmetic procedures like Brazilian Butt Lifts (BBL) and the societal pressures surrounding body image. The hosts and guests share personal anecdotes, blending humor with genuine reflections on self-image.

Notable Quotes:

• Henry Zabowski [65:22]: "The wider the hips, it meant that, like, the more likely your child would survive."
• Kara Clank [63:02]: "I do think there was something about big butts for survival."

9. Upcoming Shows and Promotions

Ed Larson promotes his upcoming Invasive Species Tour across Florida, detailing venues and dates. The guests encourage listeners to attend, blending promotional content seamlessly into the conversation.

Notable Quotes:

• Ed Larson [86:27]: "Come party with me in Key West."
• Kara Clank [88:13]: "Last podcast on the left, Duke.com to get all of the live show tickets."

10. Closing Banter and Final Promotions

The episode concludes with lighthearted banter among the hosts and guests, reinforcing camaraderie and mutual support. They reiterate the importance of community engagement and humor.

Notable Quotes:

• Kara Clank [89:11]: "Hail sweet Satan, everyone."
• Ed Larson [89:43]: "Goodbye."

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Key Insights and Conclusions

• Cult Influence: Extreme philosophical beliefs can dangerously seep into everyday hobbies and communities, leading to real-world violence.
• Generational Shifts: Professional practices, whether in veterinary medicine or technology, evolve with generations, sometimes causing friction.
• Technology Misuse: Social media platforms can be misused for harassment, highlighting the need for better digital etiquette and legal frameworks.
• Body Image Pressures: Societal expectations continue to impact individual choices regarding cosmetic enhancements, often intertwining with humor to address serious issues.
• Community and Support: Engaging with communities through podcasts and live events fosters a sense of belonging and support, essential for personal and collective growth.

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Listener Recommendations:

• Support Local Shows: Attend Ed Larson's Invasive Species Tour in Florida for a mix of stand-up comedy and musical performances.
• Engage with "Who's The Best Catch?": Tune into Jackie Zabrowski and Carol Clank’s podcast for more candid and humorous discussions.
• Stay Informed: Follow The Last Podcast on the Left for deep dives into real and imagined horrors, ensuring a mix of education and entertainment.

Notable Timestamped Quotes:

• Kara Clank [10:02]: "This is super simplified. Don't crawl up my ass about this."
• Ed Larson [24:37]: "Young vets are usually more current veterinary practices."
• Kara Clank [48:12]: "She wanted to basically be like, get out of her life. Get away from us."
• Jackie Zabrowski [49:59]: "It's like, stop wasting cops resources."
• Kara Clank [63:02]: "I do think there was something about big butts for survival."

---

This episode of "Last Podcast On The Left" masterfully intertwines humor with serious discussions on cults, societal norms, and personal anecdotes, providing listeners with both entertainment and thoughtful insights.

Transcript

[Henry Zabowski]

How do you make an Airbnb a vrbo? Picture a vacation rental with a host. The host is dragging your family on a tour of the kitchen, the bathroom, the upstairs bathroom, the downstairs bedroom and the TV room, which surprise is where you can watch tv. Now imagine there's no host giving you a tour because there's never any hosts at all, ever. Voila. You've got yourself a vrbo. Want a vacation that's completely and totally host free? Make it a vrbox.

[Ed Larson]

There's no place to escape to. This is the last on the left side stories.

[Kara Clank]

That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. Well, hello, Canyon house.

[Ed Larson]

What is this? What are you singing?

[Kara Clank]

And give him the night.

[Henry Zabowski]

All right.

[Kara Clank]

Tonight giving the night.

[Ed Larson]

I don't think I know it, but I like it.

[Kara Clank]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Larson]

You know that song give me the night? No, I don't know it.

[Kara Clank]

All right. Tonight you give me the night.

[Ed Larson]

I'm sure if I heard the song, I would.

[Kara Clank]

George Bernson. We can't play it because they're going to. They're now play it. But I just won't have it in the episode. All of these. I'm going to let you guys know right now. They're going through no dogs. These guys have already decided. Yeah, like Spotify is coming hard for anybody that plays any form of song anymore because they just don't have enough money, guys.

[Ed Larson]

And they refuse to pay musicians.

[Kara Clank]

Yes. They just don't have enough money. So I do think. Which I get. It's got to be so hard for these international conglomerate apps because there's just so little money. I guess they just got to give $25 million to the hawk. To a girl.

[Ed Larson]

That makes total sense where it's going.

[Kara Clank]

Oh, give it to the Kelsey brothers who don't even produce a show. Yes, yes.

[Ed Larson]

Classically. Football players who've never talked professionally.

[Kara Clank]

They're great at talking. I honestly, I'm just sound bitter. I don't mean to bitter. I'm just saying it's. It's one of those things where I. But I. I was listening. I wanted to bring this up to you for a reason.

[Ed Larson]

Why even George Benson.

[Kara Clank]

By the way, I love George Penson. When at the gym you and I have discovered. Tell me this about etiquette.

[Ed Larson]

Okay, I should save this for who's the Nah. Okay.

[Kara Clank]

This is getting no women in this.

[Ed Larson]

All right?

[Kara Clank]

You want to know that when I'm working out, I found myself like today. I went to the gym today and.

[Ed Larson]

Brad, you're not staring at some poor lady.

[Kara Clank]

Are you never. I don't look at women.

[Ed Larson]

Okay. Yeah, yeah.

[Kara Clank]

No, I don't look at anybody. I look at the floo.

[Ed Larson]

Okay, good.

[Kara Clank]

Except this one man who stares at me. There's a guy that come. There's a guy that comes in.

[Ed Larson]

Fan.

[Kara Clank]

No, I've met fans there. The way they meet me. Which is really funny because a lot of broccoli headed young men. And what they'll do is stuff like, I'm mid press. This has now happened to me twice again. I'm not a famous person at all. It only happens every once in a while and someone comes up to me and I mean, I'm mid press and a guy just puts his phone in front of my face and it's just a picture of me naked. And he's just like, guess you're here for a reason. Yeah, it was like, buddy, I'm trying. I'm trying, buddy. But I was in a spot. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Need a spot?

[Kara Clank]

No, no, sir. Yes, actually, I do. But are you. I was. I found myself lost in music. And is it like against protocol at the gym to be enjoying yourself? Like kind of giving yourself a little dance? Men look so serious.

[Ed Larson]

Dancing is exercise.

[Kara Clank]

Men are moving your body.

[Ed Larson]

You're at the gym because the guy.

[Kara Clank]

That stares at me, this is what he does. And I'm doing this act out. So go on page to see the act out if you want to. By the way, this is side stories. I'm Henry Zabowski. You sit here with Ed.

[Ed Larson]

How you doing? What's going on? Also YouTube, you can watch it, but on like Thursday or Friday.

[Kara Clank]

So there's a guy that comes into the gym. I love LA Gym creatures. Some of my favorite people on the face of the planet. And there's a man that comes much.

[Ed Larson]

Taller standing, by the way.

[Kara Clank]

No, but I was gonna do better. Do an act up. There's a man that comes in and he only does one set of exercises. I'm, you know, like I say, I do watch people because they're like, I'm interested in people. I'm not looking at butts.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kara Clank]

But this guy comes in and he only does one thing. Each time he comes to the gym, he does this sort of extended dance routine in front of the mirrors. And it's very extravagant. But what I've noticed is that. And I mean this, what he does is stare at me once he's done with it. So. And I've had this several times.

[Ed Larson]

I've been on the chest, the routine.

[Kara Clank]

He's there for like an hour and he's just doing this thing over and over again. And this is literally what it is. It's him going like. He's kind of doing this sort of like weird dance.

[Ed Larson]

But he's not taking up the machine.

[Kara Clank]

No, no, absolutely not. There's nothing wrong with what he's doing. It's just he's doing this weird dance, but then all of a sudden he'll do a spin and then send it straight at me. And he's like, every time it's at.

[Ed Larson]

You and no one else.

[Kara Clank]

Time. The last time I was noticing a little bit and I was just like. I mean, there's a little part of me that was like, if he wasn't homeless and openly intoxicated. Yeah. I'd be flattered.

[Ed Larson]

Also, I bet you like, oddly enough, are like the most approachable guy at the gym because you're always wearing loud clothes. You got fun sneakers on.

[Kara Clank]

I code switch at the gym. Ever since I saw. Cuz I saw a couple other guys like people wearing some kind of like, you know, all sorts of like every single flagrant political thing you could wear in people are like wearing it to a very. I'm at a cheap gym.

[Ed Larson]

Well, it's the only place you can wear it now.

[Kara Clank]

Yes. And so I go full devil.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Kara Clank]

Like I'm wearing full devil regalia.

[Ed Larson]

Maybe that's why he's doing it, because he's a devil fan.

[Kara Clank]

I don't know.

[Ed Larson]

And he's showing, but I think it's great. It's for you.

[Kara Clank]

I don't mind it.

[Ed Larson]

It's good to have someone to take in your art.

[Kara Clank]

It's just the. It's the snapping of his head and looking at me like he just saw me across the room.

[Ed Larson]

You're looking back.

[Kara Clank]

Well, and if you weren't looking, I'm looking forward.

[Ed Larson]

But whenever he comes at you, you're looking at him.

[Kara Clank]

Right now he's beaming at me. And so the first time he does.

[Ed Larson]

It to other people, they just ignore it.

[Kara Clank]

I don't know. See, I feel like it happened.

[Ed Larson]

You're. You're giving him something.

[Kara Clank]

It feels like it happened once and then it happened again. Did it happen a third time?

[Ed Larson]

That's because he knows his audience.

[Kara Clank]

What do they say? That thing. What do they say about ladies? You stare at him seven times, they'll go on a date with you.

[Ed Larson]

I've never heard that.

[Kara Clank]

Another thing where they say about how eye contact when you go out and you're single. We haven't been single A long time.

[Ed Larson]

They've been a very long time.

[Kara Clank]

But then now there's apps for that. Oh. Apparently you can just order him to your house and a guy and it turns out as a guy. But guess what? He'll still blow you. But I, I was like that's only a Christian mingle. That's what the mingle is. I but wasn't the thing that if you look at a woman right isn't they say it but I think they this two ladies. Maybe I'm wrong or anybody. It's normally people that aren't non threatening looking where you catch a guy's eye and then if you do it like five more times like there's some kind of number.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Kara Clank]

That. That's how you can show someone that you're interested.

[Ed Larson]

Have you said hello yet?

[Kara Clank]

I won't.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, then you're fine.

[Kara Clank]

Yeah, I'm not gonna be like hi.

[Ed Larson]

Well you just say hi in your normal voice.

[Kara Clank]

Hey.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Kara Clank]

Hey pal.

[Ed Larson]

Nice dancing.

[Kara Clank]

Yeah, you dance well. Hey. Dave's like my dead wife. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, I think it's fine. Yeah, no, I. I think yeah. Maybe he is attracted to you. But you know, you also, you know, you're cute little buttercup. You know that was the last time someone told you that?

[Kara Clank]

No one.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, you're adorable. No one's ever said it's like you're cute. I could suck the peanut butter out of your middle chocolate.

[Kara Clank]

Sounds like I'm gonna be assaulted when you call me a little cutie man or whatever.

[Ed Larson]

Salt on you and lick it all up.

[Kara Clank]

I'm not. Not a snack. I'm a man. I'm not. I'm not an edible food.

[Ed Larson]

You pretzel nugget.

[Kara Clank]

Yeah, it's again it's only like this. It only comes from other big threatening men. It's never. No woman has ever looked at me in the gym. No woman has ever.

[Ed Larson]

Oh no. In the gym you're non existent to a woman. You're not even there. I don't want him to either. It's just that funny.

[Kara Clank]

It's just you are not. You are nowhere less then as a man at the gym. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. All right, well we got some updates.

[Ed Larson]

That guy's gonna die one day less.

[Kara Clank]

Yeah, well then you should actually. Maybe I should get on the ground floor of that.

[Ed Larson]

Every day you go to the gym is another day alive.

[Kara Clank]

What do you mean? Yes, I actually do sort of thing. I do think about it like every day.

[Ed Larson]

Investment in life every day.

[Kara Clank]

I do hard work at the gym. I'm saving myself hard work later on in life. That's how I view it that I'm just doing. I'm front loading the hard work that's good of. Of being mobile because really all I want is to be mobile and make sure my body can work and that my penis can work and my brain's tight. My. My feet are long and my shit's big.

[Ed Larson]

You're being Mint Mobile.

[Kara Clank]

We're actually going to film one of those ads. We're going to be wanting to say thank you to Mint Mobile. One of our abs. And I just want to say this last ad was really incredible because Blake Lively submitted all the rewrites for it.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, it's great.

[Kara Clank]

And that's the one of the best things. I'm just going to read what she said. So I'm trying to get involved with that. I tried to cross that lady.

[Ed Larson]

No way.

[Kara Clank]

All right, so let's go into a little bit of update. So I am immediately made everybody upset last week which I subsection of people upset, which I don't mind which is me accidentally calling this group this is Ian's a leftist cult. So now I saw a lot of.

[Ed Larson]

People really applauding you for your comments on the Zizio.

[Kara Clank]

Well it goes back and forth. So for those of you that don't know there was a person by the name of Ziz is the best drunk.

[Ed Larson]

Thing to talk about.

[Kara Clank]

You're the damn sizzling. You come back here. You come back here. So Ziz is the former name. They're gonna go by the dead name. They go by the name Ziz. They are dead name is Jack lasota. They are a person that started this group, this kind of this cult that has a bunch of theories that came out that essentially has what seems to have resulted in about six murders. You have two murders in. In Vermont, two murders in California. You have a set of parents that got kill one of the adherents. And all of the adherents to this cult are under Ziz. And a lot of them are. It seems that all of them are trans and work in the computer science world.

[Ed Larson]

Resist.

[Kara Clank]

Guys doing. And part of what I tasked the audience with was please go read their manifesto and please help me kind of parse this because I couldn't fully understand and I. I'm like what are people getting killed for? The reason why I'm so interested in cult's philosophy is because I'm really interested in how abstract thoughts lead towards physical actions and the fact that like you can believe in something dumb and crazy and nonsensical and it actually causes you to kill people. And I think that there. I want to know what's in there and what it seems.

[Ed Larson]

Are you saying that some murders are rational?

[Kara Clank]

Well. Well some murders have motive.

[Ed Larson]

Okay.

[Kara Clank]

Motive is different. You know like killing for money, killing for revenge. Like these are things that make sense.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Old west rules.

[Kara Clank]

Those are cube. Those are human. That's humanity. You know like defending yourself, fighting for like even fair fight. It was a fair fight. And so this guy, this is a Silicon Valley cult.

[Ed Larson]

Right.

[Kara Clank]

So this person they're calling a genius but it turns out they're not. What I like is that the Daily Me all these people are calling these people highly educated whiz kids. That's the term that keeps coming up. You're right. But largely what has everyone has illuminated. And I want to say thank you to my listeners. Always email side stories lpotlgmail.com and my further reading is that the stuff that they put in their manifesto is fucking stupid. And it doesn't really make any sense. This is the thing. This guy helped me. So someone had sent me a great email ignoring all the bullshit of rationalism and functional decision theory which is a part of what I did not understand before. Both of those are inherently non pol political. They are just thought forms that this person used right in within their work.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Kara Clank]

So Zizians appear to believe an extreme form of utilitarianism. Right. Utilitarianism is an ethical framework which postulates that when making a decision the ethical choice is the one that provides the most net benefit for the most people. Which is why they feel you're. They're attacking something like the lower bourgeoisie. The reason why I didn't I called them leftist is because they also believe in private property. They don't. They don't believe in private property. So that was why I just kind of lumped it all in. And they're vegan. But vegan. Again it's not inherently political.

[Ed Larson]

I know but veganism and leftism kind of sleep together.

[Kara Clank]

Not really though. Then you find out it's all over the place because then it's it really because. Because what is veganism technically? It's a super expensive. Yes, it's very. It is a hard. It's a hard life to live. You need means to be a vegan.

[Ed Larson]

Sick of these salads being expensive. It's hard enough to eat a goddamn salad.

[Kara Clank]

Wait till make them cheaper. Wait till we got a couple of tariffs coming to make those tomatoes super fucking expensive.

[Ed Larson]

It's going to be Give me a.

[Kara Clank]

Anyway, so now this thing is. That's what he says in this, this writer which I do believe. They said the belief in all this is fine, but it can be used to justify things like constantly torturing a child to make a perfect civilization like Ursula K. Len wrote about and the ones who walk away from Omelas. I love Ursula Kay Le Guin, she's a genius and. But part of it is this belief system which was, I guess it's in the philosophical system of Roko's Basilisk. That's what they were talking about in their big manifesto which is essentially. This is super simplified. Don't crawl up my ass about this.

[Ed Larson]

Don't be all zizzy.

[Kara Clank]

Don't be zizzy on about it. Is the fact that it's about that I eventually will win. And the job of the. Of humans, good quote unquote, good ethical humans is to help AI win and to be on its team when it wins. Because on some level they believe that this AI that is formed when we create AI that it will become a pure soul that will become an elevated enlightened thought machine and that you will teach us and it will help us evolve as well and we will evolve with it. But part of that will be the evolving will be the destruction of humankind.

[Ed Larson]

So they're pro Skynet?

[Kara Clank]

Yes, they are pro Pro Skynet. Okay. This is, this is a belief system. They believe that then everything that they do to help this is. It's not more. It's a correct decision outside of the boxes of morality because you're helping what you to be the proper like arc of humankind versus the other one, which would be a human led future.

[Ed Larson]

So do they think that like how like every baby is innocent? Is that kind of it? Because AI is so young.

[Kara Clank]

I mean that's 10 years.

[Ed Larson]

AI starts being evil, are they going to still think it's pure?

[Kara Clank]

I think the main issue that they're kind of avoiding here is the fact that we make the.

[Ed Larson]

We make it and it doesn't exist without us.

[Kara Clank]

And we put all of the parameters inside of the.

[Ed Larson]

It's for us. It only talks to us, it's from our thoughts.

[Kara Clank]

It can only copy the way we think, which is we're. And we're not there yet. And as far as I'm concerned is that after watching Musk talk and Sam Altman talk and all these other people, I think we're far away. Yeah. From Skynet.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. So I don't think it's not great.

[Kara Clank]

I don't think we're there yet. Even the stupid app that they just forced on their phones with the new upgrade, where they're like, we want you to describe a picture into the app and it's like, fuck you.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Kara Clank]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

They call it Apple intelligence instead of artificial intelligence.

[Kara Clank]

And you know, you fucking piece of.

[Ed Larson]

Shit just so can say AI. You think I don't notice?

[Kara Clank]

Also, I put a bunch of dirty stuff in there and it didn't make one of it.

[Ed Larson]

Really.

[Kara Clank]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

What is it called again? It's like a little kitten.

[Kara Clank]

It's called. It's something.

[Ed Larson]

It's like a little kitten showed up on my phone. I was like, this kitten?

[Kara Clank]

Yeah. I. I don't know. It's a. It's a. It's a. Yeah, it's a. It's a stupid app. I don't know. Yes. It's image Playground or whatever.

[Ed Larson]

Playground. That's what it is.

[Kara Clank]

And you're like, look at this fun and signy sheet. Your soul goes. Is attached to it.

[Ed Larson]

I'm supposed to stay out of the playground. Don't put it on my phone.

[Kara Clank]

Unless you go to an adult playground, which every time you. An adult playground, it's a place to buy dildos.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Kara Clank]

Which I find funny.

[Ed Larson]

Or a prison.

[Kara Clank]

Yeah. So. Yeah. So here. So I'll kind of boil it down here. They believe that everything they do is morally correct. They also believe that surrendering. That surrendering is immoral. Which is why they are attacking the police and why they attacked the landlord that tried to get them to leave the space. Is because anytime anybody. They are. They are in a sovereign citizen motion, which is anybody who crosses them, their job is to say, fuck you.

[Ed Larson]

Fuck.

[Kara Clank]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Honestly, fuck these motherfuckers for making me feel bad for cops and landlords.

[Kara Clank]

This is the problem.

[Ed Larson]

They are the problem.

[Kara Clank]

So they take some of this belief system from a concept called Roko's Basilisk, which is the idea that a perfectly moral AI acting for the greater good of mankind, would torture anyone who knew about it but didn't help in its advancement. So the idea is that in the future, this good AI would look back on anybody that had defied it or was anti AI in the past and would come back in time and punish everyone that did not believe in it. Which is what I'm gonna do when I make it to the top. But I'm not an. A goddamn man.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, right.

[Kara Clank]

I mean, that's what men do.

[Ed Larson]

It'd be good to wake up every morning and shoot a robot in the head.

[Kara Clank]

I mean, it would be fun. I mean, that's kind of what I'm gonna. That's my retirement. But the. He. But, Mike, then my. I think my. The bigger issue with that is where are all the robot shock troops from the future?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, they should be coming back to kill us.

[Kara Clank]

Where are they? If they were going to be there.

[Ed Larson]

They're in the next reality, then they'd be in there.

[Kara Clank]

So it has a lot of flaws.

[Ed Larson]

So here's the thing. If they're traveling from the past, then maybe we're the first future. And so if they. They haven't come back yet, because we have to get there and now they have to come back, and then we've already done this, and so we wouldn't know because we're the original future right now.

[Kara Clank]

I mean, I don't know. I'm already. I'm confused and I've fallen asleep.

[Ed Larson]

Good night.

[Kara Clank]

And then this is. It's all the same. It's so. In Zizianism, the coal is. Is that they need to be willing to harm others in defense of the greater good. It's very stupid. It's insane dumb. And. And they said they, like, I got a good writer here that said they. Some of it does make sense from a perspective. Quote, unquote, pure theoretical ethics. The unhemospheric sleep, though, which is part of what they do to sort of get these guys in tow, which is this weird of like trying to activate one hemisphere of your. At the time at a time, which is some kind of vague pseudoscience. And then. Then the extreme veganism.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Kara Clank]

Which I think is just dirt.

[Ed Larson]

Just dirt and sunlight.

[Kara Clank]

So Zizians are stupid. Here comes another prosecutor. I'm a prosecutor in Delaware County, Pennsylvania. And about this time last year, ZIZ came through our county in connection with a double homicide. We had no idea what we were getting into when this happened. Ziz, quote, unquote, Jack Lasoda was arrested and literally never spoke a word the whole time that they were in custody. They then made bail and fled the jurisdiction. ZIZ had already faked their own death in California. We found out the ID from a DNA swab because they wouldn't even give a name. A few of us in the office started doing a deep dive and we got fucking deep. It's a wild ride with a whole lot of branches and characters. I'd be happy to answer any questions you have about Ziz or the cult. I've been in prosecutor for nearly a decade. I got to go back into this because they were talking about how they dealt with it. So this is on the run.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, okay.

[Kara Clank]

So now we don't know where these people are. I know that they are going to kill other people.

[Ed Larson]

Maybe they're in Zizbabwe.

[Kara Clank]

I thought that they disbanded Zizab. I thought this possible. Zimbabwe's throat was. Was torn apart when the Bongo Congo rose. I thought the Bongo Congo was the fun version of the Congo that they tried to. They had to abolish Bongo Congo. They also had to abolish. I'm not sure they went to Zizbeck.

[Ed Larson]

Thank you. Thank you, Rob.

[Kara Clank]

Thank you. I appreciate.

[Ed Larson]

That's why he's here. The fact.

[Kara Clank]

Thank you. And so that was like one of the. That is one of the updates. Those are basically the updates. Somebody also said to you, Joe, I got a great email about people. Someone was in a DND group with a Zizian and they basically talked about, which I know from dnd, it is the most fucking obnoxious shit on the face of the planet. When someone chooses the most obscure class to play that has a whole, whole other set of rules. Long time listener. Okay. As the subject of this email says, I played in a D and D group with one of the cult members, Maximilian Snyder. Snyder I and three others were part of a group and played two campaigns together over the course of a few years. In the first campaign, he played a hyper optimized wizard that regularly attempted to squeeze every bit of utility out of his character, seemingly an attempt to show he was able to do everything himself. This came to its peak when he was able to learn a spell that effectively let him clone himself when needed, which now seems in line with the cult's thought that humans can hold separate personalities by activating different hemispheres of their brain. He would constantly use it if able, which ended up with them bogarting playtime, effectively removing a lot of choice for the matter, as he would have every outcome solved as we encountered it. The second campaign, he played an artificer named od, later finding out that this was a name he went by on the Internet whose goal was to create essentially a new form of Ubermensch in his image through crafting Warforged, which is the DND equivalent of a robot with a soul that would seek to become a major force in the world. Both characters had a running theme of ascending oneself to becoming a higher version. Although essentially rejecting the laws of the world set before him. Little did we know this was beginning of the transhumanist views espoused by the culture.

[Ed Larson]

Wow.

[Kara Clank]

Like, this is really. This is the kind of stuff that.

[Ed Larson]

I can't believe this guy went on a second campaign with him.

[Kara Clank]

Hey, you have an idea how hard it is to keep a crew together for dnd?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Kara Clank]

And if you just like, if he'll show up every Wednesday, you'll keep up. Like, literally, you will keep up. He read the article in the recent article I read about the cult that the guy said Maximilian Snyder called himself the best DND5E optimizer in the world. Oh. But we just saw him as a dick. After that last campaign full of him constantly hogging the spotlight. In game time, the group had become a little worn down. He continued his play pattern of disregarding other people's skills and talents until one day, the problem solved itself. As he said, he had to leave the group because he was going to Oxford for school. We didn't hear from him after that, but in the wake of his departure, we gained two cool new players. And the group has been in excellent. And has been in excellent shape ever since.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, that's so nice.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

See?

[Ed Larson]

But then you guys have fun.

[Kara Clank]

Oh, yeah. But isn't that amazing in that way that the. All of these ideas were all embedded nerd culture to begin with and they were just looking for a chance to release it? But. And I do again, I want to shout out to our trans people, you got a death cult. Congrats. Yeah, a lot of people. A lot of trans people try not to claim them. They don't like them, but I'm sorry, but they're yours and we don't get to claim them. Do you think I want to claim Anders Bravic?

[Ed Larson]

No.

[Kara Clank]

No. But you have to. I have to. I'm a white. I'm a fortunate white, pink man. Man.

[Ed Larson]

Y. He's part of you.

[Kara Clank]

He's a part of me. Part of my lexicon.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Not me, though. Very different from me.

[Kara Clank]

Well, you and I are both the same. Ukrainian blood.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Kara Clank]

Ukrainian, Polish. I'm Polish.

[Ed Larson]

Italian. You're Polish. Italian. I'm Polish. Ukrainian.

[Kara Clank]

I guess we got nothing to do with.

[Ed Larson]

I'm Russian. Old vet versus new vets have been chiming in, people.

[Kara Clank]

It's definitely down the line, real down.

[Ed Larson]

The middle, you know, But I like to cherry pick the one Ones that support you. Support me, of course. But here's one that is very interesting point, and I can see both sides of it on side stories. You guys were talking about old vet versus young vet, so I thought I'd weigh in. My wife is a veterinarian technician and sexy yes. Play with your dogs. Yeah. Let me see your kitties. In school to become a veterinarian, and she has worked with both young and old vets. From everything she has talked about to me about. Young vets are usually more current veterinary practices. Of the two, veterinary medicine is so different now than it was 20 years ago. My older vets rely on tried and true practices. See, here's the thing. Young vets, all they want to do is test, test, test, run all these tests, and they're running up the fucking bills because they don't know the goddamn answer because they haven't been here long enough.

[Kara Clank]

What's. Cause the dogs don't know. The dogs can't talk.

[Ed Larson]

I know, but an old vet have seen it a million times. And all these new vets, they always jump to the crazy shit. They always jump. Oh, it's this crazy thing. It's this thing that of 2000 dogs have. Because I read about it yesterday. Every other event's like, it's probably this thing, and if it's not that, then we'll figure it out. But no, they always jump to the test. They're racking up the bills. I. You try to prove me wrong, but you prove me right with this goddamn. But yes, also, there's other people that are 100% with me. And listen, if you want your dog to die, put it in the hands of a child. That's all I got to say.

[Kara Clank]

Well, I'm just, you know, I would just say straight up, just read the reviews.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, read the reviews.

[Kara Clank]

Read the reviews of your local vet and get to know your vet. I would also say, get to know your vet grow with your vet. Oh, yes, that's the key. If you can get one that's consistent.

[Ed Larson]

Your vet run tests on your dog so it gets smarter for the next dog. Sometimes when your first dog dies, your second dog will live longer because your vet ran a bunch of experiments on your first dog.

[Kara Clank]

You know what I also like to do straight up, just to check to see if they're doing something right. That first doo sample, I send in Jers every time. Yeah. Just to see if they're doing. Just checking when they come back and say, oh, Carmi had an alarming amount of makers marketer system. I was just gonna be like, yeah, yeah, you know, Carmi, I'll send you. Once you get sober, I'll send you another sample. I'll take her a few days off this sauce.

[Ed Larson]

No, but I appreciate you young vets. There's no way to have an old vet without having a young vet. Vet. You know, I understand.

[Kara Clank]

Because events have to grow.

[Ed Larson]

You have to grow. So you got to be a young.

[Kara Clank]

Vet to become an old vet.

[Ed Larson]

Stop calling out of work so much and make sure you're there for when people show up. Because you guys always try to spend time with your family.

[Kara Clank]

He's.

[Ed Larson]

No one cares about your family.

[Kara Clank]

He's turning heal my dog. He's turning a larger issue, and he's. He's using his own specific relationship to it to attack.

[Ed Larson]

That's right.

[Kara Clank]

So take. It's his own. This is his experience. Experience.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. If you're a vet in your 30s, don't even say you're a vet. Say you're in training even though you are a vet and listen to the old guy who's in charge.

[Kara Clank]

An old, old lady. I just think that you just got. I mean, I just think you never know.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. The younger vets always tell me to kill my dog.

[Kara Clank]

They're very old.

[Ed Larson]

Yes, they are. They're very old. The older vets are like, oh, man. You keep it alive, you know, because they see death.

[Kara Clank]

Death in themselves. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

They're like, oh, keep this around.

[Kara Clank]

No one's gonna let me die.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, that's what you need in a vet.

[Kara Clank]

No one's gonna let someone who sees grip and optimized.

[Ed Larson]

So that way they don't want your dog to die in front of them because they know that's another day that brings them closer to death.

[Kara Clank]

I still prefer a younger vet. One last update is because they can still get hard. Yes. Yes. Last update is the last force gate monkeys that were loosened in. In a crash of. I believe it was a truck holding a bunch of experimental monkeys. Yes. Last four escape monkeys have been found in South Carolina. They have been returned to their pens. I can't believe monkeys. Oh, yep. They can get right back to testing the living out of them. So congrats, monkeys. You always.

[Ed Larson]

You only almost made it homeless. No more.

[Kara Clank]

Oh, isn't that great? Isn't it worse when you're.

[Ed Larson]

Was this. Authorities in South Carolina said Friday that the last four of the 48 monkeys have been recaptured after two months of living in the woods, weathering a rare snowstorm, and being tempted back into captivity by peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

[Kara Clank]

You let them lowball you.

[Ed Larson]

Monkeys love peanuts, dude.

[Kara Clank]

You let them lowball you. You. They bring Wagyu.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Kara Clank]

That is the only thing they don't.

[Ed Larson]

Give a about Wagyu.

[Kara Clank]

Wagyu, man.

[Ed Larson]

You've ever. You've heard the goose. The song By P. Phone Monk. Happier than a monkey with a peanut machine. They love peanuts.

[Kara Clank]

This is George Clinton. Lyric from 35 years ago. He was in crack. Okay.

[Ed Larson]

And he was correct.

[Kara Clank]

But he's not a biologist.

[Ed Larson]

He knows what monkeys want.

[Kara Clank]

I know he does, but I think that in the end you could have given him something else. All right, but they are now. It doesn't matter, because they are caught. They are right back into captivity.

[Ed Larson]

Don't waste the wagyu on the monkeys.

[Kara Clank]

I mean, not now. Especially now that you got them.

[Ed Larson]

They'll eat peanut butter jelly.

[Kara Clank]

I know, but I'm just saying they lowballed them.

[Ed Larson]

I like peanut butter jellies.

[Kara Clank]

I'm just saying that this also should be a Pixar movie. Movie?

[Ed Larson]

Oh, yeah. They saw their first snow. They saw their first snow. It's very cute. It should be a Pixar movie. But they end up back in the testing facility.

[Kara Clank]

There's something about a Reese's monkey's first snow. It's just like. I don't know what it is. It just seems post apocalyptic.

[Ed Larson]

From South Carolina. Doesn't mean they're racist.

[Kara Clank]

But they're not supposed to see snow.

[Ed Larson]

Well, yeah, I. I mean, South Carolina is not supposed to see snow either, but the world's dying.

[Kara Clank]

Yeah, I know. I guess Reese's monkeys aren't supposed to be in Charleston. I don't know. But either way, sorry, monkeys. Hope you. You're gonna look good in that rouge. Really, really enjoy it.

[Ed Larson]

Feel bad laughing at a monkey test jokes, but it was. It was well said. It was very, you know, it was tasteless but hilarious.

[Kara Clank]

Specific.

[Ed Larson]

Hello, Florida. Your favorite son and biggest baby are coming home to bring you the laughs you deserve.

[Henry Zabowski]

Deserve.

[Ed Larson]

Everyone likes to poke fun of the Florida man. Everyone likes to use Florida as a punching bag whenever an alligator on meth eats an old person. That can happen anywhere. As a famous Floridian baby, I feel your pain. So that's why I'm coming home to let you know it's okay to be who you are. It's okay that the rest of America is scared of us. It's okay that books are illegal in our school schools. It's okay whenever it gets cold that rains. Iguanas. I'm here to support you. So come on out. March I'll be in North Florida. And in May, I'll be in South Florida and Orlando. It's the Invasive Species Tour. Ed Larson, me is coming to Florida in March and May. I'm coming to Jacksonville, Panama City, Tallahassee, Marco Island, Dana Beach, Orlando and Key West. So lock up your public subs and start singing the Miami Dolphins fight song, because we're gonna party like it's Florida, baby. [e-mail] Speaking of tasteless and hilarious, we got some friends joining us today.

[Kara Clank]

We would like to introduce you. Now we got some people in here. We're gonna be talking about some stuff. We have the hosts of who's the best catch? Jackie Zabrowski and Carol Clank. You know what I was thinking, Jackie, if you could just cut the front half of you off. You do great.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabowski]

Oh, no.

[Ed Larson]

You thought about.

[Kara Clank]

I'm going the first. That way face first. Cut.

[Henry Zabowski]

The first cave for a tit job.

[Ed Larson]

Really? What are you gonna do with it?

[Kara Clank]

Yeah, what kind of job are they gonna go to the. Are they gonna work in a mine?

[Henry Zabowski]

Yeah, of course they are.

[Kara Clank]

So you apply. You're gonna apply your breasts to work.

[Henry Zabowski]

They're the Canadian canaries.

[Ed Larson]

When they have to deflate, you are the coal mine.

[Kara Clank]

What a great way to start.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

They're warning the rest of your body that it's all about to shut down.

[Henry Zabowski]

About to shut down. So there they go.

[Ed Larson]

So hold on. Are they dead?

[Henry Zabowski]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean now. But I have to revive them so that I can. So that they can.

[Ed Larson]

So you got to go to the pet store.

[Henry Zabowski]

Yes, obviously. And shove my tits full of birds. What are you not getting from this?

[Kara Clank]

I actually would prefer to get a bike pump.

[Henry Zabowski]

Yeah. But then it's always falling out and it's a whole big thing. You know what I mean? Especially get them birds in there.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

It's cheap.

[Kara Clank]

I hate you. I love it.

[Henry Zabowski]

Come on, guys.

[Kara Clank]

It's cheap car. Please erase that.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

It's cheap.

[Kara Clank]

Please erase that. Welcome to the who's the section of side stories today.

[Henry Zabowski]

Bringing it in hard.

[Ed Larson]

You're the you.

[Kara Clank]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabowski]

Get him. Get him.

[Kara Clank]

I just want to host the show. I just want to host the show. With safety.

[Ed Larson]

No one cares about your emotions.

[Kara Clank]

Good. It's a good start. We have two of the best other women on our network.

[Henry Zabowski]

Wow.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Kara Clank]

Two of the finest comedians in this room are right here. The hosts of who's the Both the stream and podcast. It is Kara Clank and my sister, Jackie Zabrowski.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Hello. Thank you so much for having us.

[Henry Zabowski]

Thank you so much.

[Ed Larson]

It's nice to have you here.

[Kara Clank]

It's nice to have you.

[Henry Zabowski]

Carolyn. What is what. What beef do you have?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

These are like my pygmy girl. Dreams come true. True.

[Kara Clank]

You are beef.

[Henry Zabowski]

You calling me a cow?

[Kara Clank]

No.

[Henry Zabowski]

You want me to move out into pasture, because I will.

[Kara Clank]

And you should be bravely holding at and holding space for being a cow.

[Henry Zabowski]

You can't take my milk.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

We all need to be holding space for farm animals. That's for sure.

[Kara Clank]

I do in my duodenum. I'm sorry, guys. We're really excited to have these two women here because it's good to have emphasizing women.

[Henry Zabowski]

Have you never had women in this room?

[Kara Clank]

No.

[Henry Zabowski]

Truly, I've been in this room, and you didn't even intro me as a woman.

[Kara Clank]

You're not a woman.

[Ed Larson]

You're not. You're Henry's sister.

[Henry Zabowski]

Thank you.

[Kara Clank]

You're just. You're a bunch of parts and blood.

[Henry Zabowski]

Thank you.

[Kara Clank]

That's all I see.

[Henry Zabowski]

You wait. You wait till I get big old fakies up top. You're gonna see. I'm gonna be blinking my nipples soon.

[Ed Larson]

I am very interested posted about this. So you're going to. You thinking about fakies?

[Henry Zabowski]

My problem is, is that we've been talking a lot over on who's the Bitch? About Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, and I've really gotten into it, and I realize, I think a lot of people watch that show and think, like, why would you ever want to be like that? Oh, my God, these women are horrible. No, I just see doors opening for me in my future.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I'm just like, board of a television show first. Great idea. Great idea.

[Henry Zabowski]

Tighter.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Pin it. Yeah.

[Henry Zabowski]

I want to barely be able to cry anymore. Like I said.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oh, it is great. They try to cry.

[Kara Clank]

Oh, my God. Someone moved my secret underwear. Do they wear secret underwear in the.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

No. What's crazy is that. Is that, like, basically one of them is Mormon. Two of them are, like, excommunicated Mormons. One is Greek. She's wild. One's a Jew.

[Kara Clank]

She's sounds lost.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah. And I say that as a Jew, by the way. I'm not saying that in a Kanye way.

[Kara Clank]

I mean, the Greek one.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oh, no. And then. And then there's one woman who is like, owns a Tequila brand and is Mormon, and she's like, this is just the way I do Mormonism.

[Henry Zabowski]

Venus, Tequila.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

So she's like. She calls it Mormon 2.0.

[Kara Clank]

Well, they give them permission. That was like, the big deal in Mormonism. They like entrepreneurship.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Kara Clank]

And they really don't care. And the booze thing, you find that old, like, that was weird thing I got into because, like, listening to Natalie because she's preparing all and doing all of these various things on the Mormons.

[Henry Zabowski]

About the bad Mormons. That's the thing. We watch the good fun Mormons, Eddie.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, yeah.

[Kara Clank]

I have a feeling that they might all be bad.

[Henry Zabowski]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Ed Larson]

But.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Accidental plug for the book. Bad Mormon by Heather Gay.

[Henry Zabowski]

By Heather Gay.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

One of. One of the wives who left.

[Kara Clank]

But I feel like they.

[Ed Larson]

I love Mitt Romney.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

That was crazy. When he ran, I go, are we gonna have a president who wears the secret underwear? Like when he was running for president, I go, are we gonna have a president that wears a secret underwear?

[Kara Clank]

You know what's really sad is that we would have been better off. Yeah, we have been.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Really joke, by the way.

[Kara Clank]

Really, really wouldn't have been that bad.

[Henry Zabowski]

How do you feel about soaking, though? And now that we're here, may as well.

[Kara Clank]

Soaking, I think.

[Ed Larson]

Tell me. Hold on. I needed to properly explain to me. Now, here's what I think it is. It's just you enter and stay and wait till it's over.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

It's like a bookmark.

[Kara Clank]

Yeah.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

But then I've heard that there's like an addendum to soaking, which is when a friend jumps on the bed and that kind of causes some friction, but you're not actually initiating the friction. And so, so it's fine. So it's. God doesn't care anal, you know?

[Kara Clank]

Yes, yes.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

It's a loophole.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Henry Zabowski]

I'd rather soaking than all of the people that are young and think that anal means you're still aver. Virgin. Why not? I. I guess if you decide that, you know, if that's for you or what if it shoots up through your. And up into your hole.

[Kara Clank]

Jackie, you're the woman.

[Henry Zabowski]

Oh, my God. Wait a second.

[Kara Clank]

You're supposed to know this. God, we are the ones that are not supposed to know this. But you know that this, the semen can't jump from the butt to the vagina.

[Henry Zabowski]

I love it when my brother says the word semen.

[Kara Clank]

Because if it did, if semen jump from butts to vaginas, to be honest, I think there'd be a lot more troubled kids.

[Ed Larson]

What about leakage?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

If it can't create a baby, they don't care, right?

[Henry Zabowski]

Yeah, I guess not.

[Kara Clank]

Well, can Carol ask you this more, man? Do you think if semen to leak from the butthole to your vagina, would the semen still be viable?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yes, because I don't know for sure, but I know semen lives. Can live inside of sperm, can live inside of women for five days.

[Kara Clank]

The sperm is the little men inside of semen.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yes. When you're talking about viable semen. I'm. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God.

[Kara Clank]

Thank you.

[Henry Zabowski]

From look who's Talking. You knew exactly what I was talking about. Thank you.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Literally, that movie made me want to be a single mom. Didn't work out for me, but I.

[Ed Larson]

Got a sex talk during the semen scene in the movie theater for my mother, really?

[Henry Zabowski]

See?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

So I don't know. Like, did you ever read, like, when you were growing up, did you ever read, like, little teen magazines, like, Teen and ym, and they would always have stuff that was, like, I don't know how I got pregnant. We hooked up in a hot tub, and there'd be, like, things about how the semen could jump in, like, through the hot tub because the water's warm, like an orca. So if you have, like, a warm ass and it leaks from your butt up into the vagina, it still would require. That would require a lot of gravity. But if I, like, stand on your.

[Kara Clank]

Head, if I put an ice cube in the vagina, the actor.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oh.

[Henry Zabowski]

Because I think he knows what to do with that.

[Kara Clank]

Not cool. The semen to not use.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

That's a great question. I don't know what woman would want to do that.

[Kara Clank]

A desperate woman.

[Ed Larson]

It only lasts for an infinite amount of time, too.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

But, yeah, I found that out when I was trying to, on purpose, get pregnant. That. That lives in you for five days.

[Kara Clank]

Wow. Whoa. Kill it.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, that's cool.

[Henry Zabowski]

Scoop it out. Get it out of there.

[Kara Clank]

That's scary to me.

[Ed Larson]

So it's got days to find the egg.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah, it's got days to, like, swim up there.

[Henry Zabowski]

I don't know if they're very smart.

[Ed Larson]

Well, they're sl. Mine are slow. I know that. Their heads with pots.

[Kara Clank]

This is giving me a new thing to do this coming Valentine's Day weekend where I won't be with my wife. I will be in a hotel room alone. But maybe I could do. It's kind of fun. Come on the floor and say, go find her. Yeah.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah. Then it becomes like, a Milo and Otis. I was going to bring up Milo.

[Henry Zabowski]

Except all the dogs keep dying and the kitties keep, like, drowning in the river.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, it's hard to drown. Se.

[Kara Clank]

Just one puddle of semen slowly rolling through.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

And there's voiceover. You get Bly Danner to do the voiceover, you know?

[Kara Clank]

Oh, I didn't know if I could cross that river.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

We've got to get to Natalie or we're never going to make a baby.

[Kara Clank]

Oh, does she even want a baby? I I don't know of this pile of semen. Thank God he left too.

[Ed Larson]

I was thinking about trying to race mine. You know, like trying to like you put squirting on a desk and then like lining them up and see who's fastest.

[Kara Clank]

Oh.

[Henry Zabowski]

It sound like. I thought you were going to cut him up to do lines.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I remember what it is. But there's some kind of thing about boy sperm is slower or faster or something like that. Like one of the gen is fast her. So like there's like, people will do shit when they're like. Like, if you. If you have sex at a certain time in your ovulation because you want to have a certain gender, it's like the guys get there. So it's like. Like, have sex if you want a girl. I think what the deal is is they're like, have sex the day before you ovulate. Because then all the boys will get there and be like. And then die. And then the girl ones will come slowly and they'll get right to the end of the bulge. I know. It's crazy. And that's like literal Internet that I cannot fact check. Like, I don't know if it's true or not.

[Kara Clank]

But the only way to do it. Yeah. No. Yes. It's the only way to know. But we also have some stories we really want to get. Yeah. Your perspective on.

[Henry Zabowski]

Thank you.

[Kara Clank]

Besides just what semen does. Because I'm glad that we went through it.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Kara Clank]

Because the two of us.

[Ed Larson]

My sperm. So dumb. It comes out my butt.

[Henry Zabowski]

See, it can travel through. This is what I was talking about. And this is what I was scared of.

[Kara Clank]

You're the woman.

[Ed Larson]

I just didn't know where to go.

[Henry Zabowski]

You say that. Do you know how. How scared I was for most of my upbringing thinking that I was just going to accidentally get pregnant and not know. I still am scared that it's like. It's actually because you're eight months pregnant. And I would have no idea. And I'm just putting the baby in the toilet.

[Ed Larson]

My friends recently were four months pregnant.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

And had no idea that that's like. Okay. I guess I would see that. But eight months or like the ones that have the baby in the toilet. It's crazy.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

It's poking at your body. It's in there trying to kick its way out and shit toilet.

[Kara Clank]

It seems that most of those young women are not really living conscious lives. Yes. They seem to be caught in their own debris.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Denial.

[Kara Clank]

The debris of their lives.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Lady.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Question, please.

[Ed Larson]

So when you. When you have when you get pregnant.

[Kara Clank]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

And there's obviously the time there when you don't know when you're pregnant.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Uhhuh.

[Ed Larson]

And you get hammered.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oh yeah. Done it.

[Kara Clank]

It's.

[Ed Larson]

So what's the deal? That's fine.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I don't know. Early on it's, let's see how my son turns out. He's only three and a half. I can't really make any comments now. But I didn't know I was pregnant with him and it was my birthday and woo.

[Kara Clank]

You know, apparently it's really when what I've heard guy friends of mine.

[Henry Zabowski]

I bet you guys know. Yeah.

[Kara Clank]

We always talk about this stuff always is that kids can't enjoy booze in the fetus until they're like six months.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oh, listen, I don't. There's also a ton of data that's like you have to drink so much alcohol to affect a child. I'm not, I'm not telling anyone to do that. But you have to. You have to have a lot.

[Henry Zabowski]

Because it sounds like you telling me I can.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

You have to have a lot. But like I had a friend that again didn't know till she was four months. She did not know her son goes to like one of the best colleges in the country. He's a tennis star. She was ripping butts, drinking a ton. Didn't know. I love her and look at. And her son's fucking exceptional. So everybody calm down.

[Kara Clank]

You know what I feel like again? Ladies. Pregnant ladies. Smoke it up.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, smoke them.

[Henry Zabowski]

If you drink it, drink it down.

[Kara Clank]

Drink it down.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Pick it back up. If you quit, pick it back up.

[Henry Zabowski]

Double down.

[Kara Clank]

Yes. Two cigarettes at once. You're smoking for two.

[Ed Larson]

So if you smoke while you're pregnant and your kid comes out all up, who's the. You were the kid.

[Henry Zabowski]

I think it's the uterus. Because the uterus failed at sucking on it. Right. Because that's what happens. It comes from the outside. And you know, Jackie. I know. Ever had one? I don't know what happens inside of there. We are barely taught anything. You guys don't know anything. We don't know anything. Cara only knows because you've actually had children. Barely.

[Ed Larson]

Barely.

[Kara Clank]

But you have tick tock.

[Henry Zabowski]

Yeah, I do have tick tock. But I mostly am watching piggy videos. I've really fallen into a lot of little piggy videos. Yeah, I love them. Especially when they piggies make friends. When the piggies make friends with other animals on the farm.

[Ed Larson]

You know, there's a reason why Pumbaa Is such a fun. When I was in Africa and we were on safari, every time I saw Warthog, it was partying with a different animal. They rock. They love having a good time.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Okay, so Warthog is like the big man on campus of the Savannah that.

[Henry Zabowski]

Was stood down with.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oh my gosh, look at that.

[Kara Clank]

The shame.

[Henry Zabowski]

I'm sorry. We're watching the video, changing my name.

[Kara Clank]

And it hurt every time that I.

[Henry Zabowski]

Why?

[Ed Larson]

Well, Jackie, please send me the piggy videos.

[Henry Zabowski]

Oh, I'll send you piggy. Oh, you want piggy videos?

[Ed Larson]

You know, piggy video. You know, pigs are smarter than toddlers.

[Henry Zabowski]

I know it.

[Kara Clank]

That's why I think more human on the barbecue.

[Henry Zabowski]

No, I say we eat the toddlers instead.

[Kara Clank]

She has one.

[Henry Zabowski]

Army Hammer has his own podcast. I'm allowed to say these things into a mic.

[Kara Clank]

Army Hammer is a billionaire with the. With the decade long safety net. He's. Now he's fine.

[Ed Larson]

Got an apartment.

[Kara Clank]

What a horror show.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, what a crazy.

[Kara Clank]

What a crazy. What a. We all. It's like a holocaust for him. I can't believe he has the rent.

[Henry Zabowski]

He told me to walk upstairs to go inside of his house. Henry.

[Kara Clank]

I know. Tell me about it. I remembered sharing a washing machine.

[Ed Larson]

Do you think we can get him?

[Kara Clank]

Yes.

[Henry Zabowski]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He's open for business.

[Kara Clank]

Honestly, I've been. I've been pitching a whole thing with him.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

It's truly called the Army Hammer Time podcast. Podcast. You gotta be kidding me, dog. You can't try to be all whimsical after the last few years you've had.

[Henry Zabowski]

He gets to make a lot of jokes about being a cannibal, though. And I think that's good for you. I think he needs that platform he made.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Like, okay, is he really is a cannibal or was he just saying some weird shit?

[Ed Larson]

He was just saying weird.

[Kara Clank]

He did other. He did other. Vaguely abusive.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oh, no, he's a bad guy Vis a vis the flesh consumption. Is that real?

[Kara Clank]

The cat? The cat. No, he never did anything. Yeah, the cannibal thing. Much like how we do with everything right now, we're focusing on the wrong part of.

[Henry Zabowski]

You're right.

[Kara Clank]

Yes, it is. The. The issue here is not. It's not this. The dumb cannibal.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Funny. Like, look at his face. We didn't know this guy was going to be problematic.

[Henry Zabowski]

Like sewage in a person.

[Kara Clank]

He is pure evil.

[Ed Larson]

I mean, very attractive.

[Kara Clank]

Yeah, I get.

[Henry Zabowski]

I mean, but that was the thing. But it is so weird though, because I was so attracted to him originally because he was so great and call me by your name and I was like, wow, it is crazy how fast that can shut off. I do not see an attractive man when I look at him. I, I'm disgusted by him as a person. But I also watch the docu series and so watch what he actually did do to people and surprise. He's really bad.

[Kara Clank]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Larson]

I like that Free Fire movie. That was fun. I don't know if you saw it or not.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Fire.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great movie. Him and Brie Larson, fun shoot him up.

[Kara Clank]

Really could have been. He could have been a great actor. Yeah, he could have been a great actor. But he's just going to have to really.

[Henry Zabowski]

Oh, it does look like a fun movie.

[Kara Clank]

I really hope that one day he's able to heal and I think that the billions of dollars that he's going to really going to help.

[Ed Larson]

I'm ready for his comeback.

[Kara Clank]

I'm ready for his comeback already. Him and Rudy Giuliani, I hope they pair up.

[Ed Larson]

Army Hammer time podcast.

[Henry Zabowski]

Yes. Both of the, the, the gel coming down their head from their hair because you know Army Hammer is going to need it at some point.

[Ed Larson]

God. Now what I feel bad for with Giuliani is his children. I don't because they hate his ass about having him.

[Kara Clank]

The whole family, the every single one of them go in the hag. I hope each one of them can suck my balls.

[Ed Larson]

They don't like.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

But remember that kid at the Letterman show would come out and do all that wild Giuliani's little kid cold on us when we, when we were kids.

[Kara Clank]

Yes. Y.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Then Chris Farley played him. Yeah.

[Kara Clank]

Well, I want to ask you guys opinion.

[Ed Larson]

Okay.

[Kara Clank]

Because we covered this last week and we got several intense messages back that I thought was really interesting. This is a case that came out of the UK and a young lady was dating a young man and she, I guess they got into a conflict with the young man's ex and the new girlfriend decided in a moment of I'm going to say passion to send the ex this, this lovely lady. She was going to send this her partner's ex. She wanted to basically be like, get out of her life. Get away from us. And she sent a bunch of videos of her clothed behind farting into the camera. Yes.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Like a denim fart. Okay.

[Kara Clank]

Yeah. Send the videos to the ex now through WhatsApp.

[Ed Larson]

I don't know why I find that to be important, but it's not even real messaging.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

It's cuz the YouTube encrypted how many.

[Henry Zabowski]

Videos are we talking?

[Kara Clank]

Looking like five. I want to say it was like five or six.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

So after one or two, several after one or two. Why didn't the ex block the number?

[Ed Larson]

Well, exactly.

[Kara Clank]

This is, this is a thing we go into all the time where in the UK they have more of a sensitive views. Because now we know that the lady who sent off fart videos got a year of probation.

[Ed Larson]

No.

[Henry Zabowski]

And for several fart clothed bottom fart videos.

[Kara Clank]

This is what I'm saying is that not all only do the fart videos have no threat of violence. They don't say I'm going to kill you, bitch.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Kara Clank]

It doesn't say like I know where you live.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Right.

[Kara Clank]

She is giggling. She's laughing and farting and. But I in my mind, as I was the judge, the barista, I would say shut your phone.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yes.

[Ed Larson]

So here's the, here's the sentence. Rihanna Evans was ordered to pay nearly €300 and serve a year long community order. She also has two year restraining order against her. And because she admitted to being drunk while carrying out the crime, she must attend 15 rehab sessions and observe a 60 day alcohol abstinence period.

[Henry Zabowski]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. This okay.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Also her friends are like, you want to hit the pub? She's like, account may me fault crimes. I'm 60 day sobriety due to my fart vids.

[Henry Zabowski]

If there were hundreds of them, like if she was sending them every like 30 seconds. I would also understand her getting into some kind of legal trouble. Now you said this in the UK so obviously you know, laws are different there. Because then you think about some people that get sentenced in the United States. You're just like they only got seven years when they were doing what for how long?

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zabowski]

So I feel like this should be.

[Ed Larson]

Actually going to jail.

[Kara Clank]

No, but the probation still a lot sucks.

[Ed Larson]

She up probation. She could end up record. Right? Yeah.

[Kara Clank]

You were on probation for a year. It sucked.

[Ed Larson]

Yes. It was awful. And I went to jail because I messed up my probation. I had to spend four days in jail.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Really?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, it was awful.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

It just like it's crazy that you wouldn't just block it and you go to the cops. Like I don't know. I kind of think that the ex girlfriend is the. For even reporting it. Like get over.

[Henry Zabowski]

I do feel like the ex girlfriend is a. Because they. There are multiple ways that you could have tried to navigate this situation. Or maybe I don't know, I'm not looking at the article. Did she. Was she trying to like she went.

[Ed Larson]

Straight, she compiled, she saved all the videos and went to the.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Was the new girlfriend, like buying burners and like keeping like. That's a continued pattern of harassment. I understand that. It's WhatsApp.

[Ed Larson]

You got to have the number a year. And you can block on WhatsApp.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yes, you can block. That's what I don't get. It's like one fart video. Oh, what a loser. Second part video. Okay, I think I'm done. I'm gonna block. She waits for five to come in and then goes to the cops. It's like, to me, it's also like, stop wasting cops resources.

[Ed Larson]

Like, so they got less to do over there.

[Kara Clank]

Uk but you know, it's.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oh, people are molesting kids over in the uk, guys. People are raping. People are doing lots of shit over in the uk.

[Kara Clank]

Oh, believe me, I've been to the UK twice. I've saw it. I saw. You saw the molested everywhere on the stone. I saw with my own two eyes and participated.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yorkshire Ripper.

[Henry Zabowski]

Don't do it, Henry.

[Kara Clank]

No.

[Ed Larson]

He was getting molested.

[Kara Clank]

Yes.

[Henry Zabowski]

Oh, see, Well, I mean, you are juicy to the touch. I understand.

[Kara Clank]

I was the receiver and over there they thought I looked young.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. And every time you touch Henry, he goes, hi.

[Henry Zabowski]

Hi.

[Kara Clank]

Hi.

[Henry Zabowski]

Oh, no, you.

[Kara Clank]

Oh, no, mister.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oh my God.

[Kara Clank]

Oh, no, mister.

[Henry Zabowski]

Would you be upset if you were grabbing somebody's butt and the butt was fake in the butt?

[Kara Clank]

This is actually. This is a real thing.

[Ed Larson]

I keep saying we're jumping ship here.

[Kara Clank]

Well, let's first look. Yeah, let's first end this one. This first. But I'm with you because I do want to talk about this.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Listen, I'm anti bullying, but I just feel like let's pick our battles. Let's like not use government resources for shit that could easily be solved by the like the touch of a finger. Block the fucking girl and move on with your life.

[Ed Larson]

I think a fart text is just a funny story to have at the bar.

[Kara Clank]

Absolutely. I think that sounds like something a.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

12 year old would do to a friend.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Kara Clank]

All right, let me actually change the scenario just for once and then kind of re. Like, I don't know why. What if ex girlfriend was blind?

[Henry Zabowski]

So she's only hearing the farts.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Kara Clank]

Is that wor. Does she. Is it more sensitive if she's a blind woman?

[Ed Larson]

I do think so.

[Henry Zabowski]

I do think it is. I think it is because you wouldn't know if the butt was clothed and obviously the fart would sound different.

[Kara Clank]

Yeah, it Would.

[Henry Zabowski]

And so maybe she would notice the difference because it would sound like it's coming through clothes. But I do.

[Ed Larson]

I think it's more. I think it's upsetting. Just send the audience audio. You know, you don't need to sit Taunter with a video message.

[Kara Clank]

It could be anything.

[Henry Zabowski]

I actually think that's even funnier. I think that's even funnier. Only the audio just fart sounds.

[Kara Clank]

Oh, I don't know if my husband's doing this to the phone. I'm blind.

[Henry Zabowski]

And then, you know, it would make sense why she got a year of probation. Yeah. Then it would make more sense.

[Kara Clank]

You're ration the blind. Stop harassing the blind.

[Henry Zabowski]

That's what the barrister, I imagine, would say.

[Kara Clank]

You're. You're harassing them.

[Henry Zabowski]

You need to sound like your curls are bigger, thicker.

[Kara Clank]

There it is.

[Henry Zabowski]

Thank you.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I think the barrister is the lawyer and the magistrate is the judge. I just want to point that out to you. You blokes, you might be right.

[Henry Zabowski]

Yeah.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I think you're 100 talking about barristers and it's confusing me. Same to me. No, they're all wearing powdered wigs.

[Ed Larson]

Everyone thinks that the victim hears.

[Kara Clank]

Yes.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Victim is such a. What it's like.

[Ed Larson]

I don't think. Yeah.

[Henry Zabowski]

I've just. I have been a victim of way more bullying that nothing has come from. So maybe this is coming from an anger of my past. But I do feel like it's fart videos.

[Kara Clank]

Dude.

[Henry Zabowski]

You got to get over it.

[Ed Larson]

It is kind of funny. That's a problem.

[Kara Clank]

I will say there is something to be said about not giving your enemy the ammo that they need to fuck you over. So I do think that. Yes. But I believe that this lady. If I were to advise Fart Woman.

[Ed Larson]

For sure.

[Kara Clank]

If I was to advise Fart Woman, what I would say is never put a fart in writing. You go and you fart on that woman in person. Please.

[Ed Larson]

Her name is Evans. Use her full name.

[Kara Clank]

Her name is Fart Woman.

[Henry Zabowski]

But also then he would make. Make more sense because then she's like haunting this person. She's showing up and farting at her front door into the male side of the mail slot. Is very funny.

[Kara Clank]

Very funny. But guess what it is that's good.

[Ed Larson]

That's actually assault.

[Henry Zabowski]

Because you smell it and you're right.

[Kara Clank]

Harder to prove.

[Henry Zabowski]

You have to catch her. Got to catch that.

[Kara Clank]

But that's what I'm saying. It's harder to prove. I'm saying fart woman, think about your freedom and Think about, do you want to be living the worst trail of farty breadcrumbs possible?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Well, it's just like, also you have to think about in legal stuff like this, setting precedent. So are you saying now like brothers that hold each other down and spit into each other's mouths, now they're going to get jail time or probation? Like what? These are pranks.

[Kara Clank]

Not if they're filmed for only.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

You know what I mean?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Is this, is this girl's name Rihanna? Yeah. Farts like a bird in the night.

[Kara Clank]

From your grave.

[Ed Larson]

What were you gonna say about grabbing an ass that's not there?

[Henry Zabowski]

I was talking about asses. I was talking about the grass.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah. Let's get to a perfect ass segue.

[Henry Zabowski]

Get in here, fairy butt mother. Kim Kardashian is starting to sell butt enhancing skims shorts with padding for a bigger behind. So I was just immediately up top before we started recording, making a joke about how I would love to do this because I would love to pat out my ass because I am am threatening to someday go get a really, really cheap bbl. But I feel like that's probably not a good idea.

[Ed Larson]

Not a good idea?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

You mean the cement kind of.

[Henry Zabowski]

Oh, yeah. And I say drag it down, baby. But how would you feel, would you feel lied to if you grabbed a butt and then you were hooking up with a person and you find out. And this also goes for chicken cutlets.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

In the bra, push up bra makeup. I mean, everything's a illusion.

[Kara Clank]

I will say as a. You see, he's wrong. I.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Has he said anything?

[Kara Clank]

Yes, he's wrong.

[Ed Larson]

I said, who cares?

[Kara Clank]

You know, what it is, is in my mind, how big's the lie. So with chicken cutlets and a stuffed bra and a padded bra, most men by a certain age can kind of even tell a chicken cutlet.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabowski]

Can you?

[Kara Clank]

You could tell by the waist, hands, short shoulders, face, feet.

[Henry Zabowski]

You can look at all the parts.

[Ed Larson]

You can break a woman down.

[Kara Clank]

You can break a woman down. And you can do the titty math. You could do the titty math on some level and be like them's pads. Right.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Those hills.

[Kara Clank]

But these days. But these days, I find the super padded booby is really not a thing anymore. It's more so it happens.

[Ed Larson]

Every bathing suit's got padding in it, but not really.

[Kara Clank]

But super padded movie now seems mostly people like a brawl. It people like a less padded booty. Less padded boo. We are getting some boobies back in hamburger commercials.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, that's great. McDonald's I guess this is what you know about boobs is that they're in hamburger commercial.

[Kara Clank]

Carl Junior's bringing them back. They're bringing boobies back, right?

[Henry Zabowski]

I thought you were talking about Uncle O grimacy, the green un. Shamrock uncle of grimace over at McDonald's. They're bringing him. He does it.

[Kara Clank]

Big ass guy.

[Henry Zabowski]

Dumper uncle. Oh, Grimacey. Oh, are those the tits you're talking about? Is that what you mean?

[Kara Clank]

He's flat.

[Ed Larson]

Oh. It's St. Patrick's Day next week.

[Kara Clank]

But there's a part of me that, like, if you were to have a padded butt, right. Like, again, how big is the pad? And what purpose is Kim Kardashian size? Apparently, I guess it's one of those things where you want it if you.

[Henry Zabowski]

Eventually hope it adds 2 inches of volume.

[Kara Clank]

That's a lot. But as a lady, are you doing that?

[Henry Zabowski]

Wow, look at these pictures. You're right. That is a man. They make it juicy.

[Kara Clank]

But my thing is doing this for other people. Or do you know at some point someone's going to touch you while you're wearing this thing? And do you care? That's more, I feel like.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Don't you think, like, if you're going home and hooking up with a girl and you're like, you're. You're actually, like about to. Do you really care about the ass that.

[Kara Clank]

Of course not. But the moment you come, you do. The second it's all said and done, and you sit and you think about.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

It like, I've been deceived.

[Kara Clank]

If you look down and you see the goalie pads that were on her and you look over and she went from the lady that you had met to now she is a Gwenneth Paltrow.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Tiny little butt.

[Kara Clank]

Butt tiny. She's a Megan Markle no meat lady.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah, right.

[Kara Clank]

And then you're like, whoa, I thought I met my wife last night because I had a dream that my wife had a butt so big. But that's the thing where I be like, whoa, that was my wife. And then now she doesn't have a butt. But I guess it's one of those.

[Ed Larson]

Things where I guess I think it's sweet.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Makeup. What about makeup?

[Ed Larson]

Exactly.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Women can totally change the way they look with, like, contouring.

[Kara Clank]

It doesn't change the structure of your head.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Have you seen some of these Tik Tok videos?

[Kara Clank]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

It makes.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Your whole nose like this big. And then they make it look like this tiny little delicate nose crazy with makeup. And it's over before you're you're going?

[Ed Larson]

I think if you're out and she wants to wear a butt thing that makes her butt look nice while you're all her out. I think that's very nice of her and I thank her for doing that. If she doesn't have the butt later when we're having sex, I don't care. Cuz you know what? No one else is there. Everyone else thinks she has the big ass.

[Kara Clank]

Hell, it's for everybody else. What about my needs?

[Henry Zabowski]

Why do you need a big ass?

[Kara Clank]

Because I. I'm here as I'm alive. Blood in my veins.

[Henry Zabowski]

Yes, Henry.

[Kara Clank]

Because I come come from each generation of man who's lived.

[Henry Zabowski]

Preach it, Henry.

[Ed Larson]

You are the man with less ass. So any other man, I mean a.

[Kara Clank]

Lady with more ass.

[Henry Zabowski]

Yeah.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

After you fuck, she tells you she's a flat earther and you're like, whatever.

[Kara Clank]

Yep.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

At least that was, you know, that wasn't a deception.

[Henry Zabowski]

Juicy ass.

[Kara Clank]

I pretty much can roll with any philosophy. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

A flat girth.

[Kara Clank]

You own a pair of these, Henry? I do. I got my bike shorts.

[Ed Larson]

Have these already.

[Kara Clank]

Yes.

[Henry Zabowski]

You have butt shorts.

[Kara Clank]

I had to buy them for when I had my peloton.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oh, cuz it was hurting your little booty so badly you got to get like those little padded shorts.

[Kara Clank]

Oh, I had to get rid of the entire bike because what happened was that I bought the padded shorts, then I bought the padded seat.

[Henry Zabowski]

Oh no.

[Kara Clank]

Then I started putting a towel down on top of the seat between still.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Wasn'T enough cushion for your push in.

[Kara Clank]

And then you know, also really what it was is that I think that every time I've talked about this on the show, but every single time I crossed a living room in my little bike booties and my bike shorts. Sports. I saw one day of sex leave Natalie.

[Henry Zabowski]

Yeah.

[Kara Clank]

Each time I saw. That's one less time we will ever make love.

[Henry Zabowski]

Oh yeah.

[Kara Clank]

Is you just saw this in me because it's just a click clack, click clack, click clack as I walk through.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah, the little clicketies.

[Kara Clank]

The stupid bike shoes you have to wear. But someone sent you like butt ones too. No, I bought them. Oh, I have the super big button. Someone sent them to you? Yeah, I was super big, but butt one. Yeah.

[Henry Zabowski]

Look at those evil.

[Kara Clank]

I ain't lying to my audience.

[Ed Larson]

You'll get some attention.

[Kara Clank]

My butt is fine the way it is.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

If people just suddenly were like, yo, Henry Zabowski's got a dumper on him. Who knew?

[Kara Clank]

I just want to stick my head in Them lows. Yeah. I'm just gonna be like, sir, I'm a man. I'm turns. I'm a human cares. I'm a soul. Right.

[Henry Zabowski]

You got an ass. That's all they care about.

[Kara Clank]

I'm a soul in here with a penis and an ass that won't quit.

[Henry Zabowski]

Well, it will once you take the shorts off.

[Kara Clank]

Well, y. I'll tell you when it quits.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Quitting time for the old.

[Kara Clank]

That's the thing is that. Because again, I don't mind a lie. I like a lie. I actually feel like we need more lies.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I think lies are actually more deception.

[Henry Zabowski]

Yes.

[Kara Clank]

You know what I'll say about a lie? Which nice. About a good lie that's used to save somebody's feelings is that you thought of me sometimes. I'd rather you just. Just give me the effort of the lie and then that shows you're actually thinking about me. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Kara Clank]

You've put yourself in a compromised situation.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah. Because, like, being truthful is kind of easy.

[Kara Clank]

All you got to do is say.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Stuff like, let's get creative. Like, where the lies. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Larson]

It's the worst when, like, you know, you've gained weight and then you see someone like, you look so thin.

[Kara Clank]

You like, I am fatter. I'm fatter because that guy is going blind. Then you find out, is there some kind of loose seal in your. In your laundry machine?

[Ed Larson]

Is that what this is about?

[Kara Clank]

But yeah, I guess that's what it is. I guess it's mostly just how sad I'd be.

[Henry Zabowski]

Yeah. That it wasn't there.

[Kara Clank]

If I went in to feel the butt afterwards, I'd just kind of be sad. But again, the end. If you're making love, it doesn't really matter.

[Henry Zabowski]

Yeah. Just hear a BBL is a real rough surgery.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Also, let's talk about that with the BBL in 10. In five years. In 10 years. Is that going to be the trend anymore? The big butts were not a big thing 20 years ago. They are now. What if the pendulum swings and then suddenly you're stuck with this big cement ass?

[Ed Larson]

I'm pretty sure that people have been loving big asses for all of time, like cavemen and I think always were down with a big dumper. Well, dumpers look like you can give birth.

[Henry Zabowski]

Well, tips is the idea of like the old like. Of like the wider the hips, it meant that, like, the more likely your child would survive. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

So you're just naturally attracted to a huge. Yes. I mean, truthfully, we should be disgusted by an Ass. Because that's where doo doo comes from, you know? And so like. But the fact that we all want to like lick it and it means something.

[Henry Zabowski]

Yeah, you gotta clean the ass.

[Kara Clank]

You do have to clean. Gotta clean that ass spray also, as we find in all things go up and down. Everything goes. It's all fat skinny.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Everything goes fat skinny swings and everything. Right.

[Kara Clank]

Just how it is. It goes from bigger ladies. Because at first it was the butt was the thing. But now we're seeing. But. But is leaving.

[Ed Larson]

I don't think so it's ever going anywhere.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

They started saying low rise jeans were coming back and I was like, you shut your mouth.

[Henry Zabowski]

Also, what about Kendrick wearing the flare jeans? Everybody's talking about the flare. It's a boot cut.

[Kara Clank]

I do think it was funny because everyone was talking about. I didn't know he got jeans from torrid.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

I have no idea that if you watch that, you know, it's like that you've been.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Males wore those. No, I actually thought he looked cool.

[Kara Clank]

You know what he also did. You know what that did? That was a super. For me as a sneaker head. He wore retail shoes. Oh, those are shoes you could get on retail. Those are the.

[Ed Larson]

Those are the dts.

[Kara Clank]

Those are the.

[Ed Larson]

What's his putts. Not the tre.

[Kara Clank]

Yes.

[Henry Zabowski]

While he's wearing $1.2 million necklace, by the way. But I love retail.

[Kara Clank]

I. That makes the DS is the new Deion Sanders. He's wearing the Deion Sander shoes.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, well, that's. He just left his boy. He's just with the family friends.

[Kara Clank]

Yeah.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Wow. This is crazy. I had no idea you were a sneaker head sneakers.

[Kara Clank]

I used to be more crazy. I just stopped doing it because Natalie kind of said. Which is true. Which is. Listen, you know, the only people who notice this are other large men.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabowski]

But, you know, we've talked. I don't know if we've talked about this before, but there is something that you do. There's sometimes things that you do for yourself and there are sometimes things that you do for the gender you're trying to attract and sometimes you're trying to. To do it that like I talk about, like, trying to work my arms and trying to get like more muscle in my arms. And Jeff has said to me before, he's like, I don't know if I've ever looked at your upper arms before, ever. And I was like, I don't do it for you. I do it. So other women look at my arms and go, working out.

[Kara Clank]

Huh? Yeah.

[Henry Zabowski]

Oh, you're working on those arms.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. You don't wear that Franken hooker shirt to like, attract women.

[Kara Clank]

No, this is for me.

[Henry Zabowski]

Yeah, it's to start a conversation.

[Ed Larson]

Dude in the street, like, hey, nice shirt. Yeah, exactly. Right.

[Kara Clank]

I wish I could kill a hooker her and bring her back to life.

[Henry Zabowski]

Well, you know.

[Kara Clank]

Cool, cool.

[Ed Larson]

All right.

[Kara Clank]

But I, you know, but you're both inspiring, though.

[Henry Zabowski]

Oh, my God. Thank you.

[Kara Clank]

First of all, you're surviving.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Thriving and surviving.

[Henry Zabowski]

Thriving and surviving. Thank you.

[Kara Clank]

Neither one of you is the.

[Henry Zabowski]

Why. Cuz you're scared of us. Because we could scrap real easy. I'd take any you'd take with that.

[Ed Larson]

Well, we get beat.

[Henry Zabowski]

Yeah.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

You will talk about this on our show. That being isn't always a bad thing.

[Henry Zabowski]

You're right.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

It's fun to be a. We're in a lot of ways.

[Henry Zabowski]

Honestly, doing the show has opened up and I'm sure you're both so thankful. It has opened me up to being.

[Ed Larson]

More of a. I'm very thankful, to be honest. Like, cuz I always thought that you were too nice to, you know. And like, when it came to like every job you've ever had, you always say yes. Whenever they make you work longer. You never stand up for yourself like a blue stove. They would torture your ass. You would just sit there and take it to drive me nuts. Be the bitch.

[Henry Zabowski]

Thank you, Eddie. Henry, whatever you're about to say, I'm about to shut it down because I'm being a little bit more bitch.

[Ed Larson]

You need to be a bitch to your boss more often.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

You got to be the bitch you want to see in the world.

[Kara Clank]

Let's just say I've really noticed the uptick.

[Henry Zabowski]

Successful is what he's saying. You mean your sister is extra successful.

[Ed Larson]

Has there been something on who the bitch that like a fun topic that you would like to get Henry and I opinion on?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah. Well, we actually. This. This one's coming out in our episode this next week.

[Ed Larson]

Okay.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Where this woman call, should I do this one or should I do a different one?

[Henry Zabowski]

Yeah, do the. Yeah.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

This. This woman was like, I. I have a really good friend of years and years. We both have kids like the same age. She has an older kid as well, like so. But they're little kids. She went out of town. The husband was home alone. I. My husband said, why don't you call over and see if he needs a break and you can watch the kids for a little bit. And so she texted the husband all good. When the girl. When the friend Got back into town. She was like, how dare you contact my husband without asking me or going through me?

[Ed Larson]

That would be like.

[Henry Zabowski]

That would be like Julie telling me that I can't text you.

[Ed Larson]

Well, that guy has no. Like, first of all, when Julie and I first got together, before there was any hint of marriage or even being boyfriend and girlfriend, I was like, I know lots of women. I'm friends with lots of women. If you can't accept that, then this isn't gonna work.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Right. Right. And I was like, what year is it? Like, the woman that called didn't really have an accent. I couldn't really place geographically. I was like, maybe if you're like, in the deep south, that's a thing. But, like, I couldn't understand. Like, I was like, it's 2025. We're all, like, in the same time loop right now.

[Kara Clank]

I will say, as a husband, this is not about being a man. But as a husband, I'd prefer if you just spoke to Natalie because she'll remember.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Kara Clank]

And that when you. I get asked to do things, and it's not that I forget on purpose. It's just I have a smaller brain.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah. When somebody goes, I the invitation to Jared, I go, so you don't want us to come?

[Kara Clank]

Yeah. What I would do. It is not all husbands, but it's a lot of us. And it's just that we struggle with certain aspects of the relational spectrum. And I think that, yeah, please loop Natalie in, because then I'll get there. Yeah. You know, and then.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

But if I wanted to be like, like, Henry, I saw this cool poster. I thought you'd like. I took a picture of it. Here it is. Like, your wife wouldn't be like, cara, how dare you just, like, be talking about random day to day with my husband?

[Kara Clank]

I find that to be completely unhinged.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Unhinged.

[Ed Larson]

I think. I know. Here's the thing. If it's like a chronic thing and it's like, borderlining into, like, emotional cheating.

[Kara Clank]

You know, like, they used to.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

No.

[Henry Zabowski]

And also, there are times when it is inappropriate. I'm not saying that there is not times when someone hitting up another person's partner is not. You know, there are times when it's not appropriate. Yeah, but this person even talked to the friend afterwards, explained everything, and it.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Was my husband's idea. We just wanted to see if. We're trying to, like, be your village here still.

[Henry Zabowski]

This woman was like, no, I never want to talk to you ever again.

[Kara Clank]

Whoa.

[Ed Larson]

That's crazy.

[Kara Clank]

To be at the Time.

[Ed Larson]

That's kind of good to get her out of your life.

[Kara Clank]

What I seem to also maybe know slightly as. As Osmond, that those sometimes. And when you find that you are in a situation where you feel that maybe.

[Henry Zabowski]

Are you scared of us right now? It sounds like you're talking like you're scared of us.

[Ed Larson]

He's. Well, you know, we know our lives are going to listen to this particular episode.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Interesting.

[Kara Clank]

Because there's a certain amount of. But there's. There's a reaction. Right. That sometimes come from something else. So it seems that maybe this is not the fight.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

That's what I said. I was like, she's obviously deeply distrustful of her husband. Yes. Or she's got some. You know, she has a new baby. Maybe she's got some postpartum stuff going on where she feels, you know, like, first of all, you know, he's emotionally cheated.

[Kara Clank]

Before.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

The idea for this podcast that we originally started was like, this is. Am I the asshole? But for, like, normal people, because am I the asshole? Is just filled with so many dudes going, my wife had a baby two weeks ago, and she won't fuck me. What the hell?

[Kara Clank]

Yeah. Like, what?

[Henry Zabowski]

So many.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Am I the asshole for threatening. Threatening to leave?

[Ed Larson]

No, she has stitches, literally.

[Henry Zabowski]

Yeah.

[Kara Clank]

So did the Bride of Frankenstein.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

So to me, it's like, I understand that there's barely in the movie.

[Ed Larson]

Sorry.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

No, it's okay. I'm just like, I understand that there's paranoia that women have after they have a baby. Like, oh, my God, I'm not attractive anymore. My body's changed so much. I'm paying more attention to the baby. I don't want my husband to stray or whatever. But it's like, she explained everything to you. Her husband was part of it. Like, it wasn't like, I don't know, they weren't trying to threesome your husband. It's just so irrational. And also, I'll also tell you, I.

[Kara Clank]

Don'T think the help was. Let's also be frank. If it was coming from the husband, he didn't really mean it.

[Ed Larson]

No, it was coming from the wife.

[Kara Clank]

But, I mean, he didn't want to help.

[Ed Larson]

No, the wife.

[Henry Zabowski]

Yeah, but that's why he said to his wife, hey, why don't you hit him up and offer some help?

[Kara Clank]

Because he didn't want to do it.

[Henry Zabowski]

He didn't want to go over there and help with the kids.

[Kara Clank]

He wanted nothing to do with that.

[Ed Larson]

No.

[Henry Zabowski]

Right.

[Ed Larson]

Don't ask me to come help with your children.

[Kara Clank]

I will. I will.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Great. I need somebody Monday the 24th.

[Henry Zabowski]

Go take care of Karen.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I would love it. Henry, this is a web series.

[Kara Clank]

Oh my God.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, that's what the world needs back. Yeah, web series.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Remember that web series Pipeline?

[Kara Clank]

Yeah. It used to be a way people made stuff. Eddie. They gave us 20.

[Ed Larson]

Still trying to make money off of Trollville?

[Kara Clank]

Yes, I was. I had a season two written huffing.

[Ed Larson]

It's really good.

[Henry Zabowski]

God, it's great.

[Kara Clank]

They used to give money to people to make stuff. Not to have just that guy.

[Ed Larson]

You used your gun money to make it and it was a failure and you lost a bunch.

[Kara Clank]

No, that now was Trville.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah, listen, Broad City, some of it was.

[Henry Zabowski]

Sometimes it's a broad.

[Kara Clank]

What's her name? Issa Ray is now in charge of the other half of the White House.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah, listen, I am. I'm just saying I don't know if you watching my kids is a full TV show but it's a web series for sure. Yeah, yeah.

[Kara Clank]

I watch it because I could do.

[Ed Larson]

Because I'd watch movies with them.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

They would love you. They would think you were so funny and fun.

[Kara Clank]

I can get them to latch.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

They're so far done with president.

[Kara Clank]

Oh, all right. Well that was my first mistake.

[Ed Larson]

What do you mean they're done?

[Henry Zabowski]

Henry?

[Kara Clank]

Trying to get a six year old.

[Henry Zabowski]

To last.

[Ed Larson]

Little taste.

[Kara Clank]

Phillip. Phillip, it's lunchtime.

[Ed Larson]

Try not to smell my facial hair.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Oh God.

[Kara Clank]

Thank you guys for being here today.

[Henry Zabowski]

Thank you.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Thank you for having us.

[Kara Clank]

Now for next episode of who's the. You guys definitely want. Want calls. You want as many good like how.

[Ed Larson]

Do people find you? That's.

[Kara Clank]

Let's shoot them. The, the. The various addresses.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

If you go to who's the bitch.com you can subscribe to the pod and stuff.

[Henry Zabowski]

Oh yeah, yeah.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

We have a. We have a URL and everything. Who's the dot com that tells you when our next live stream is? You can call in live and talk to us. You can also watch youtubes of old live streams. You can subscribe on Apple and Spotify or wherever you get a podcast.

[Ed Larson]

Do we know the number of ways.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

To email us, call us and DM us? It's all at who's the Bitch? Literally from who's the Bitch Dot com. You can just click on it and your phone will call us.

[Kara Clank]

That's.

[Ed Larson]

That's amazing.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah, after this.

[Ed Larson]

And then you can listen to the. And you listen to the message.

[Henry Zabowski]

424-666-0667.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah, that's the LPN number. Oh yeah, we Love the voicemails. We love live calls. But an email is fine too. A DM is fine too. If you're going to leave a voicemail, would you have a five minute limit?

[Ed Larson]

Some people, I think five minutes long. Some people are 30 seconds.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Kara Clank]

Yes.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Some people are calling multiple.

[Henry Zabowski]

We love details.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

We like the.

[Henry Zabowski]

Do want details for sure. But sometimes when it kind of loses the sauce as the voicemails go on. Sometimes.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just gotta write out the key points and then call us. Oh, yeah, but we want to hear like. And I can't emphasize enough. This does not have to be like, I think I should get a divorce. My sister and I are feuding. It can literally be like the most trivial. I love, love the trivial.

[Kara Clank]

Who's the?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Those are my favorites.

[Ed Larson]

I got three nuggets instead of four. And then I yelled at the person.

[Henry Zabowski]

Am I the? And what was the one with the switch?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

We love one that was just like. My friend left her switch at the airport and she asked me to go get it for her and it's my birthday and I don't want to. We were like, go for it, girl. You're right.

[Henry Zabowski]

Honestly, like, what do you mean she.

[Kara Clank]

Made you go get it?

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Because I think they left the. They left the city of it. Of that they were in.

[Henry Zabowski]

Yeah, they had to go. She left it at like at the.

[Kara Clank]

T. Her video games switch.

[Henry Zabowski]

And so she asked to go back to go pick it up.

[Ed Larson]

And I'm not going to the airport.

[Henry Zabowski]

Thing even like going all the way back to the airport. But then on top of it, where she was like, and it was my birthday.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I didn't want to.

[Henry Zabowski]

And we're like, fuck, yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Also go tomorrow.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

But we had like a woman.

[Kara Clank]

You have a man, you can call that. You can fudgeing force to do this.

[Ed Larson]

Also, the airport gets stuff all the time. They will mail it to you. It just costs money.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Like, we had a woman who told people like, to stop vaping at an NFL game. Like, we. We have all kinds of people that are like, dealing with like, little moments of the dayto day, to me, that's more interesting. We also welcome, you know, friendship breakups and all kinds of deep problems. But any. Any level of depth, honestly, we're fine with to the very shallow, to the deep.

[Ed Larson]

So has there been any. What have you guys disagreed on, you and I? Well, so far you always agree who the is.

[Henry Zabowski]

No, we don't always agree. It is kind of fun because I think that we're learning that Cara and I are. I'M so, like, dripping in all of my feelings. And it's fun because Cara, even though Cara is a mother of two, could just be like, let's get down to the breast T. All right, let. Let me just get right to the.

[Ed Larson]

Last Cara cried was 9 11.

[Kara Clank]

Yeah. Not even.

[Henry Zabowski]

Not even.

[Kara Clank]

That's what I like, a hard mother. I like a hard mother. You don't need to cry every day. All right, so go to who's the dot com for all your based needs and go follow who's the Wherever podcasts are seen and go on Twitch tv, LPNTV every other Monday.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yes.

[Kara Clank]

Because who's the live. They're taking your calls. You go there and you do that. Yeah.

[Henry Zabowski]

We love talking to you, Jackie.

[Kara Clank]

Cara, bless.

[Henry Zabowski]

Bless to you as well.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

And bless that fat ass of yours.

[Kara Clank]

Thank you. These two globes are going to go and change the world. Not globes like big, huge crazy cake pie. Are they dinner rolls?

[Henry Zabowski]

I don't know if they're low.

[Kara Clank]

I don't need a big ass. I. I'm okay as me.

[Ed Larson]

I think. Yeah. Waffles.

[Kara Clank]

I don't need to change.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I want to change you to change. I want to see your little tiny butt in those Celine jeans that Kendrick was wearing.

[Kara Clank]

They just slide all down.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

You could just pants you in them.

[Henry Zabowski]

Yes.

[Ed Larson]

I mean, I honestly would do anything Kendrick tells me.

[Henry Zabowski]

Yeah.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

I thought the jeans. I thought his jeans looked cool, and I honestly would have worn those in college for sure.

[Kara Clank]

They are very.

[Ed Larson]

Everything about him is amazing.

[Kara Clank]

He did a good job and was the first time I'd heard most of his songs. Yeah. And I felt that he was very entertaining.

[Henry Zabowski]

You get into Kendrick, dude, what are you doing, man?

[Kara Clank]

A lot of his stuff's very sad.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Kara Clank]

Listen to it. I'll get in there.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabowski]

He's a poet.

[Kara Clank]

You should do amazing.

[Ed Larson]

Listen to the album. When Obama was in office, I knew.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

More stuff from To Pimp a Butterfly than I knew of the newer album. I've listened to the newer album once.

[Kara Clank]

I just know that Drake is a. I guess he. He is a pedophile and otherwise. I don't know what I. What I then did was. But I do. I did go. I mean, I don't know about Kendrick, but I went straight to ez.com and bought one of those new cross shirts that he has one of these new patterns. And I just thought limited edition peace.

[Henry Zabowski]

Isn't it like a meditation?

[Kara Clank]

I looked it up and I. I looked it up and it means good luck.

[Henry Zabowski]

Yeah.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Feels very European.

[Kara Clank]

It's Super European.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, I think it's the new. It's going to be the new new Tesla symbol.

[Kara Clank]

Yes. The website's down apparently. Shame.

[Henry Zabowski]

Yep. Oh yeah, what a shame.

[Kara Clank]

I know. I guess we'll have to buy it.

[Ed Larson]

Must be very popular if the website crashed.

[Kara Clank]

Yes, a lot of traffic. Just like in downtown Nuremberg. First grouped up these Nazis. Cuz that's where Nazis belong, in the gallows. And we're coming for you.

[Ed Larson]

Honestly, if there's any still alive, we are going to look for you.

[Kara Clank]

You work, going to come get you.

[Henry Zabowski]

And they are the. So there you go.

[Ed Larson]

If you're 99 and you got away with it.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Buenos Aires, I feel like that's really.

[Kara Clank]

They tried to do that thing. There was like a lady that was like a 99 year old, like essentially a receptionist for Dachau. And they finally found her and it was this whole big public. Should we punish her or not? I'm like, you choke that with your bare hands. That 99 year old Nazi fucking shoot her in the head. I want to see her fucking corpse dragged through the street by a taxi cab.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Whoa. Kanye violated the terms of service at Shopify.

[Kara Clank]

Listen. Hey. And Shopify really took a full 48 hours to really think about whether or.

[Henry Zabowski]

Not.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

We just have to run it by legal.

[Kara Clank]

That's it. We just have to really think about is this the right thing to do or not? Should we sell Swansica T shirts or not? I don't know. And they really sat and thought about it and they made a proper decision after 48 hours. 48 hours later. So thanks Shopify, you're there for us.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

Well, you should also know that on our show, for our live streams we have a Bitchometer which like it, you know, is. It rates like how the person that we're calling the is. And our number, our highest one has been Kanye. But yesterday's. On yesterday's stream, he was taken off the.

[Henry Zabowski]

He's been demoted. He's off.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

He's beyond bitchy, I would say.

[Henry Zabowski]

We decided. I was like, I don't want to look at his face anymore. Take him off the bitometer.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

He's been replaced by the Paul brothers.

[Henry Zabowski]

Yes.

[Ed Larson]

Good.

[Henry Zabowski]

They're up there.

[Kara Clank]

I was, I was. Thought I was going to hear it. Ellen DeGeneres. Oh. But I feel like she's got more of a complicated thing going on.

[Henry Zabowski]

Yeah, well, she's overseas now.

[Ed Larson]

So. Diddy allegations.

[Kara Clank]

She.

[Ed Larson]

You know about this?

[Kara Clank]

Ellen's connected to Diddy?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, they were like best friends and she used to go to his parties.

[Kara Clank]

Ah, she wasn't fun enough to go to the freak off.

[Henry Zabowski]

I mean, she was at least around.

[Jackie Zabrowski]

They were like. Ellen just left. Let's start the freak off.

[Kara Clank]

Now that. That's downer. That downer's out of here. Let's bring in the kids.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, but the, you know, the honest thing is there's lots of footage of Diddy and her on her show talking about how wild his parties are.

[Kara Clank]

Of course. Because that was what he was known for.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Kara Clank]

All right, well, we gotta. We gotta get you.

[Henry Zabowski]

We gotta get out of here. All right.

[Ed Larson]

I love you guys.

[Henry Zabowski]

Bye, guys.

[Ed Larson]

Goodbye.

[Kara Clank]

Who's the Bye.

[Henry Zabowski]

We're the.

[Kara Clank]

What A conversation.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, my God.

[Kara Clank]

I just live to talk to ladies about subjects. And I love the fact that they know more than we know about the subject sometimes. And then I can laugh.

[Ed Larson]

Sister knows anything about the female anatomy.

[Kara Clank]

I will laugh about the fact that my sister knows less than me. And the audience has told me several times. They have told me several times how little I know.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kara Clank]

And she shocked me with how little she knew.

[Ed Larson]

But she's getting fake breasts, so congratulations. Now how do you plan on paying for those?

[Kara Clank]

I'm not fucking. She didn't. She's got to work for that shit.

[Ed Larson]

She is working.

[Kara Clank]

No, but she got to go out there, do different work, harder work. She wants fake tits, she's going to have to go out there and I'm going to need her to fucking go and work in a mine or something.

[Ed Larson]

Fake boobs. Around $4,875. That sounds cheap. I think they should be more expensive. Five to ten grand. I think if you're going to buy Jackie breast, you go spend at least ten grand on it.

[Kara Clank]

I buy their jack shit. I'm just going to fucking. The only. The only thing I'm paying for it is to have them lopped off.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, so you're paying for the beginning? The first one. That's not that bad. Yeah, that's great. Well, Jackie, you hear that? So if you want less breasts, Henry's in. If you want more, you have to talk to your other brother, Ed. I'll throw in on some things for Jackie. Yeah. Actually, you know what? We're going to start a Go tit me for Jackie. Go tit her Go gland me.

[Kara Clank]

Yeah, yeah. You want him with them plugs?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, man. Guess what? I'm coming, baby. The Invasive Species Ed Larson tours Florida. That's right. I'm coming to Florida twice this year. I'm very excited. First in March 20th through the 23rd. I'm going to be in Jacksonville, Panama City, and Tallahassee. I'm so excited for this Tallahassee show. It's going to be at the 926 Bar and Grill, which is actually formerly Brothers, where Murder Fist used to perform every week. It was the only. It was the only gay bar in Tallahassee. Also the only stage that wasn't attached to a school.

[Kara Clank]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Larson]

So we used to perform there every week, and now they've rebuilt it and I'm going to be playing. I'm going to be performing there on March 23rd with Danny Bedrosian at P. Funk. I'm going to sing a P. Funk song with him, and then he's going to come and then him and something fierce, his band, his sideband. 20 year anniversary. Because the. When they played the last, they in the. In that place with Murder Fist. 20 years ago, April 7th.

[Kara Clank]

What?

[Ed Larson]

And so this is March 23rd.

[Kara Clank]

That's awesome.

[Ed Larson]

So they're reuniting for a 20th anniversary show at 926 Bar in Tallahassee. The shows in Jacksonville and Panama City are going to be amazing. The wonderful Evan Rossi is going to be opening for me then. And then in May, I'm coming back. I'm doing Marco island slash Naples. It's in Naples, but we say Marco island because it's a. It sounds prettier, but yes, the club is in Naples. And we playing Naples on May 6. Dania beach and Orlando with Henry side story shows. Yeah, we're cutting our comedy club teeth.

[Kara Clank]

Oh, we'll be at a comedy club. You know, there's gonna be a lot of crowd work. Yes, we got a lot of material. We're gonna be talking a lot about what's going on in that state of yours. We're very, very excited to have some brand new. We're. We're doing fucking. I don't know what material we're gonna do.

[Ed Larson]

Yes. Well, I'll open the show and then Henry and I'll come out for an hour. It's gonna be a lot of fun. That's gonna be May 7th in Dania beach, which is Fort Lauderdale, and May 8th in Orlando, which is Walt Disney World. And then I'm gonna do a full weekend in Key West.

[Kara Clank]

I can't wait. He's doing a full weekend at Key West. You're gonna find that's gonna be so much Fun.

[Ed Larson]

Shows over three days, May 9th through 11th. So come check that out. Come party with me in Key West. Come party with. Henry and I were dropping these Florida side story shows for you. You said, said come to the South. We're coming to the South. Yeah. Tickets are [e-mail] so you're out there.

[Kara Clank]

You go check it out. Go to last podcast on the left, Duke.com to get all of the live show tickets that we have coming up. And then you go to Twitch TV LPNTV to see us live on Twitch when we are there. And then we put the videos over on the YouTube. You go and check that out and go to [e-mail] left to go and see also the high seas. And I mean this, back in Florida, I saw some people say that the prices, they saw the prices, they came up. Some of the prices are expensive.

[Ed Larson]

It's true, it's a four day vacation.

[Kara Clank]

But the truth is is that it's an actual legit Royal Caribbean Cruise. So you are. Yes, it is. I, I deny it is expensive, but it's at least it's a very good cruise.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. So includes your room and includes your.

[Kara Clank]

Mood and all that kind of stuff. So I would say if you are in the market for a fun ass vacation too, it wouldn't hurt like I, in terms of. That's, that's why we're doing it. It's going to be like I saw something even saying like we are not remotely. We, we are so excited to do this show.

[Ed Larson]

It's so stupid. I'm very excited because I think we need a return to stupid. I think as a society we need to. You need to cut the fun stupid. Get dumb again. Yes, yes. Very fun. Like farting on WhatsApp.

[Kara Clank]

Sometimes you got to. Sometimes you got to. Well, hail sweet Satan, everyone.

[Ed Larson]

All right, bye everybody. Hail Florida.

[Kara Clank]

Sometimes.

[Ed Larson]

Occasionally. But today.

[Kara Clank]

Yes, yes.

[Ed Larson]

Tallahassee. What's going on? Ed Larson here from last podcast on the left the. Let you know I'm coming to you. That's right. I'm gonna be at the 926 Bar and Grill on March 23rd doing some standup and some music with my good friends Evan Rossi and Danny Bedrosian. You know, the keyboard player from Parliament Funkadelic.

[Kara Clank]

What?

[Ed Larson]

He's performing live with Ed Larson in Tallahassee. Yes, it's happening. So come on out. March 23, Tallahassee, Florida to see Ed Larson, Danny Bedrosian and Evan Rossi perform at the 926 bar. You might just get a public subject.