
Henry & Eddie bring you this week's juiciest stories and true-crime news - The Ghost of Epstein returns to haunt Trump with scandalous new e-mail reveals, Hitler's Micropenis: Revealed, Michael Duarte aka @FoodWithBearHands's cause of death revealed to be an incident, Online sextortion threat in Ohio leads to murder, New Bosnian War documents reveal shocking "sniper tourism" of the 90s, Arizona Dad who watched porn while daughter died in hot car found dead by suicide, Pocket P*ssies for Widowers, Listener E-Mails, and MORE!
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Henry Zebrowski
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Tis the season of gifting and holes to deck. And the who's in Whoville were in love with new tech. Where can we find Sonos and Samsung and Nintendo? They shouted. Would they find it in one place? This they questioned and doubted when suddenly a who yelled, walmart's the place to start. And D2 added headphones, TVs and games to their carts. With Walmart, their shopping was done in a flurry. They cried out, who knew? And ordered their gifts in a hurry. Shop the latest tech gifts in the Walmart app.
Eddie Pepitone
There's no place to escape to. This is the last on the left side stories.
Henry Zebrowski
That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes.
Sponsor/Advertisement Voice
Oh, yes. Yes.
Henry Zebrowski
Man. So this weekend I. Oh, I had a bunch of great plants.
Eddie Pepitone
Huh? What did you try to do? You didn't come to San Diego to see me perform comedy.
Henry Zebrowski
I didn't want. That wasn't one of my plans.
Eddie Pepitone
Yes, that would have been great plans.
Henry Zebrowski
I supported you emotionally from afar.
Eddie Pepitone
You did? I did. I did. Actually. I felt it. Yeah.
Henry Zebrowski
I'm glad. But I. Saturday, everything got cancelled. So I was sitting in the house. I have all this great new weed. Right. And so I just have a trim session.
Eddie Pepitone
Maybe this week.
Henry Zebrowski
We are. I think we are. Right, we should. But I had a, like a breakthrough alone, as stoned as I could get.
Eddie Pepitone
Okay.
Henry Zebrowski
And I went down, up this like very long rabbit hole on ancient Greek and Roman music. Oh. And found all this stuff. Here, play this first clip. This is the diallos.
Eddie Pepitone
The dialog.
Henry Zebrowski
Two flutes. So the guy puts two flutes in his mouth.
Sponsor/Advertisement Voice
Oh.
Henry Zebrowski
And he plays them at the same.
Eddie Pepitone
Time, just like Trump.
Henry Zebrowski
Oh, he's blowing. He's blowing the living hell out of him. But here, look, listen. So this is called the Dialos.
Eddie Pepitone
I like this.
Henry Zebrowski
I got. I like old timey music. I like flutes. I like medieval style music.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah, no, this is very Ewok.
Henry Zebrowski
There's something about it. It gets you kind of going in a way. It's mysterious.
Eddie Pepitone
Smell a sample. We need to get this to the rza.
Henry Zebrowski
Yes, G. God, look how hard that is. Like this guy's playing this. He's playing two flutes at once. They're all in his mouth, man. Oh, yeah. This is a guy named. But the name of his name is, like, Kiki old machine, which his name.
Eddie Pepitone
Dude, I could kill somebody to this.
Henry Zebrowski
That's what I'm saying, dude. I'm like, Armstrong. This is the.
Eddie Pepitone
So this is swinging a mace.
Henry Zebrowski
Yeah, I mean, that's what it's for. This music is being played on an os, which was actually the OS that they have at the Lou, that they now build flutes off of that Os at the Lou in order to play them more regularly.
Eddie Pepitone
Dude, they weren't trying to steal that.
Henry Zebrowski
I got so scared alone, I bet. Just pretending that I was in an ancient temple.
Eddie Pepitone
I think this is the guy you need to hire to score your movie.
Henry Zebrowski
I think he might be difficult. Anybody that plays flutes like this for a living is both wildly poor, I'm sure.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah. I don't think he has an email address.
Henry Zebrowski
No. But also very, very difficult. As if we just kept this on the whole time.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah. He doesn't seem difficult. No, he seems nice.
Henry Zebrowski
But they use circular breathing so that like. Like, you know the idea that you never stop. You never stop blowing.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah.
Henry Zebrowski
You're always blowing.
Eddie Pepitone
I'll learn that. It's circular breathing. Not the flute.
Henry Zebrowski
Not sucking dick.
Eddie Pepitone
No. No.
Henry Zebrowski
Welcome to side stories.
Eddie Pepitone
It's been good for our bongs, though.
Henry Zebrowski
It would be huge. My name is Andrew Zabrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson.
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Hello.
Eddie Pepitone
What a fun week.
Henry Zebrowski
There's just something about it. It let me. It kind of brought me into just how fun this week is.
Eddie Pepitone
It really was.
Henry Zebrowski
Because this is arguably one of the thickest side stories news weeks we've ever encountered.
Eddie Pepitone
Yes.
Henry Zebrowski
Besides, I mean, I don't know when the f. When epine first killed himself or didn't kill himself or like, that was a big day. Remember when Art Bell died? That Art. When Art Bell died, that's what started side stories.
Eddie Pepitone
Oh, okay. Really?
Henry Zebrowski
Like we said to step up to the plate. So to this week, it's. It's kind of special because it sounds like the whole world has got Epstein fever. Fever. And we have a bit of an update. Don't we, Rob? It's an island adventure. Yeah, it's an island adventure. Heck, yeah.
Eddie Pepitone
It's Jeffrey time.
Henry Zebrowski
Jeffrey Epstein is crushing it from hell.
Eddie Pepitone
Oh, my God. He's a big. He's a big time guy now.
Henry Zebrowski
He is his. Wow. Old Jeff is crushing it. He has never been hotter. So we now know right now the House of Representatives did pass a bill to release all of the Jeffrey Epstein documents now that Trump so bravely came forward this weekend and said, you yes, sure, vote for him. Just because he can't deal with the fact that his entire party is caving out from underneath him, yet one dude.
Eddie Pepitone
Stills like, don't release him.
Henry Zebrowski
One guy, one guy, one guy strong. No, no, I will not know. I do not want to know. But it is, it's very funny. But we'll see if it gets through the House. We're now, we're going to see if the bill gets through the Senate. We're going to see if Trump actually signs it. I dare hit him to sign it. I can't wait. It doesn't even matter because since the final threat came out about these, this, this dossier of information, finally, where do.
Eddie Pepitone
We get all these emails from, by the way?
Henry Zebrowski
So this is a. We're seeing a sort of information arms race happening from within the US Government to the American public. Well, the first email that came out, that was the first line that showed that they, that House Democrats released had Jeffrey Epstein emailing a. I believe he was emailing Jiz Lane and he said, this is in a direct, direct words. I want you to realize that that dog that hasn't barked is Trump victim taken out, spent hours at my house with him. He has never once been mentioned by Police Chief, etc. I'm 75% of the way there. Epstein then says Trump never got a massage, but he was there and he knew everything was happening. Specifically that he told Ghislaine to stop Tr miners into Mar A Lago. That's another one.
Eddie Pepitone
We're going to get caught.
Henry Zebrowski
Yes. And then one of the, the lot of these emails came from House Republicans that were collected by a reporter, a piece of slime by the name of Michael Wolf. Yes. That has been waiting for someone to pay him enough money to give them give out this information.
Eddie Pepitone
I mean, I've never seen a person like paint themselves as a hero like this. He's such a, he's like been holding on to the we've needed for a decade now.
Henry Zebrowski
He is such a fucking slime ball. I cannot stand that man. I could not fucking. I don't care what he did, but he finally released some of this information as well. That's a part of where these emails came from, man.
Eddie Pepitone
His. I follow him and just like his stupid smug fucking. Well, Jeffrey did this and Donald does this. And so this is why we should be looking at that.
Henry Zebrowski
You had this info from the very, very beginning. But now we know that he also came he released this info where they were talking. I believe Jeffrey Epstein was speaking with his brother. Yes.
Eddie Pepitone
And it's coming out of nowhere. We have, it's like in season three, they got a new cast member and all of a sudden, like, it's like, we have to like, oh, you have to know who this guy is now. Yeah.
Henry Zebrowski
So the, these new emails, right. So the, the first one that says this, this concept about the idea of him saying, do you have the pictures of Trump blowing Bubba?
Eddie Pepitone
Yes.
Henry Zebrowski
So this is the thing that comes out now we know that I, I forgot who he was in communication with, but it was Jeffrey Epstein's brother that came out and said he wasn't referring to Bill Clinton. Can we play the little other track that I, that I wanted you to play, Rob?
Eddie Pepitone
There's no video of President Trump sucking a Ding Dong.
Henry Zebrowski
And so what if there was? Wow, that's a lot better than World War iii, Owen. See, that's Alex Jones seven years ago saying that he would have loved to have seen him blow somebody instead of start World War iii. But now we're start to see that to start World War 3 in order to keep people from seeing him blow somebody. But I think that the statement about this is a, it was figurative as.
Eddie Pepitone
Much as, like, I would love to like, just like make this all about him like blowing Bill.
Henry Zebrowski
He did not.
Eddie Pepitone
He, I first off, like, I, I. There's a lot of problems with this email and I think personally, I know we don't agree on this, but personally, I think this email is going to end up like, discrediting all of the emails.
Henry Zebrowski
Well, only for the truly stupid and bad actors that are trying to flip everything, if they can use that maybe as a wedge to make people not believe in the rest of the emails. But it's more. If you pull your head out of your ass, you see that, that was a joke. It's a joke about absolutely Trump doing, effacing, defacing himself in front of someone else. And I feel like that's kind of where we're going to see now the.
Eddie Pepitone
Fact that we would think that Trump would actually take the time, an effort.
Henry Zebrowski
To pleasure somebody, take someone to culmination.
Eddie Pepitone
I just don't think he has it in him to do something that nice for somebody.
Henry Zebrowski
I don't actually, any truly, I don't know if he has the physical strength.
Eddie Pepitone
I don't think, Yeah, I don't, I.
Henry Zebrowski
Don'T think it's even about that.
Eddie Pepitone
I don't think he could, you're right. I don't Think he could physically, sustainably suck a penis.
Henry Zebrowski
That was for the amount of time that it would take for that man to come while Donald Trump is the one sucking your penis.
Eddie Pepitone
Imagine Trump, like, physically on his knees for an extended period of time.
Henry Zebrowski
Oh, just the noises and the farts and the stuff just coming from back.
Eddie Pepitone
Like he's not physically fit. Like there's no way he could actually handle a.
Henry Zebrowski
And he'd be chewing on it. It'd be a whole lot of problems with. So he's not blowing anybody.
Eddie Pepitone
Whatever. Yeah. I don't think he's eating women out. I don't think any of this stuff.
Henry Zebrowski
So in response to this first series of emails, the Republicans thought, all right, we'll release a whole chunk of them and then we'll see what you do then none of these will show anything. They firmly show. It is wild what they released as a way to, I guess, discredit because they wanted to then release a dump that was more Democrat focused. Right. And we're all like, couldn't possibly give a. Like, literally none of us give a fuck. You're. You're talking to the wrong people. We don't care about that.
Eddie Pepitone
It's interesting because we've turned on our own. So religious. It's like it's finally coming full circle around. We're turning on our own is like, coming in our favor.
Henry Zebrowski
It's finally happening.
Eddie Pepitone
Right. Correctly.
Henry Zebrowski
Right. But. So they didn't release all the stuff. And all it really does to me, which I find fascinating, is I read through a bunch of these emails. There's always to find them out now. Now you can search through them all. It actually illustrates more Jeffrey Epstein and his position in his social network because you have all these nerds emailing Jeff saying, you know, like, asking him, like, gangster questions, and then he acts like a gangster to these other nerds. And so he's the sexually evolved one.
Eddie Pepitone
Yes.
Henry Zebrowski
Amongst these, like, truly dead in the pants, like experts at all these various cryptic sciences that he was working with, especially more towards the end of his life. Also with the Epstein emails, we know for a fact that he was so heavily involved with the White House during Trump's first administration that he was.
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The.
Henry Zebrowski
The friendship emails between Jeffrey Epstein and Steve Bannon are so putrid. They're so.
Sponsor/Advertisement Voice
They're.
Henry Zebrowski
Both of them talk. Like, the only way to describe it is it reminds me of me and my little edgelord friends when we were like, 14, talking about chicks and talking about doing also. And it's just. It's on email. These Guys are pathetic.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah. Makes you think about every email you ever sent.
Henry Zebrowski
Nope. It's good to know. So it's all out there. And also the fact that these guys also find it interest interesting that a bunch of guys act like they are the masters of the universe and masters of women and men when they have to pay for it all.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah.
Henry Zebrowski
They have to pay for the sex and not, not even the set. And that's the above board sex work.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah.
Henry Zebrowski
I'm not even talking about just these sex slaves and the children that you are raping. They like that is. They all act like that makes them evolved. Right. That they are. He's so evolved. And so Trump as well. Trump tried to stop the train of miners coming into Mar a Lago because he knew eventually it was going to come about, especially when he was becoming President of the United States of America.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah. He's like, oh, we should stop this.
Henry Zebrowski
We should stop this now. We should stop this now before I have to do something about all of you. That is good. And then he did, because I do believe then the order for possible. I also love this new little conspiracy theory that Jeffrey Epstein himself was MK Ultra trained to commit suicide.
Eddie Pepitone
Okay.
Henry Zebrowski
And that there was a trigger message that someone went in in the hour that was cut of that footage and instead of him killing himself voluntarily, he killed himself involuntarily, which I actually think that could be. I mean, that's a wild theory and MK Ultra has never worked otherwise. So I don't know how.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah.
Henry Zebrowski
If it would work now.
Eddie Pepitone
I think, you know, we've, I think we've talked about this. It was just you, you've, you travel in that and you know that whenever you get caught, you will have to kill yourself.
Henry Zebrowski
I also think it's the same reason.
Eddie Pepitone
N buried cyanide in their pockets.
Henry Zebrowski
Of course you don't get them the, you're not going to give them the, the, the comfort of. The punishment of me. You're not going to get. You're not going to get. Yes. You're not going to get any closure. I also, I, I wonder if he like, in this whole suicide bit actually delivers the cyanide pill he's been wanting to deliver to Trump all along.
Eddie Pepitone
Okay.
Henry Zebrowski
So what we're actually seeing is the real plan come out now. Yeah. So now it's too late for Trump. It's too late for all these other people. They're all in charge. They're all like, not only are they in charge, but they're also completely exposed. So now it's Almost like Epstein's getting his revenge from beyond the grave.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah, man. And hopefully some of these other mysterious deaths around Trump start showing up.
Henry Zebrowski
Get every one of them. Yeah. I want everyone arrested. I don't care who. Who they are. No one does.
Eddie Pepitone
No one does. No one on the correct side does. Nobody gives a fuck.
Henry Zebrowski
So. But you go. You want to go through these emails and enjoy yourself. They are. It is interesting to me, Epstein calling.
Eddie Pepitone
Trump the worst person he knows.
Henry Zebrowski
Is very interesting.
Eddie Pepitone
Is very interesting. That's crazy. Warning the other traffickers, watch out for this guy. He's going to hurt our product.
Henry Zebrowski
Well, because what he also knows is that Donald Trump is the single most disloyal human being to ever exist.
Eddie Pepitone
Yes.
Henry Zebrowski
So. So he also knows that Trump, while he's as bad of a predator as he was, so he's also collecting compromise. Everybody's got compromising information on each other. That's this idea, this. Involving this mutual protection. That's what they're even saying. It's a part of the reason why they're not releasing the rest of the documents is because of how many Democrats are involved and how. And it's like, again, I want the government to start over, so I couldn't give a fucking shit.
Eddie Pepitone
I like three Democrats, officially, I don't like.
Henry Zebrowski
You know what? I don't even like the ones I like. I don't even like the ones I like the ones I like. I want them to act like robot dogs and do my bidding.
Eddie Pepitone
They're all failures.
Henry Zebrowski
You're a public servant and you've all shit the bed. Each one of you sucks dick. So I don't give a. How many of you get arrested.
Eddie Pepitone
Yes, it would be fun to watch everyone go down and just start from scratch.
Henry Zebrowski
Just start from scratch.
Eddie Pepitone
That'd be really cool.
Henry Zebrowski
I would love that.
Eddie Pepitone
Oh, God. Yes. But so it's fun. It's fun to watch and. No, no, it's. Speaking of hating Democrats, quite picky. Quiet, Piggy Hillary, really just, like, will never catch a break.
Henry Zebrowski
Not a single.
Eddie Pepitone
Not even, like, for, like, a moment. I don't care at all.
Henry Zebrowski
That bitch.
Eddie Pepitone
Her. But yeah, honestly, it's so funny, all this, like, finally vindication on emails, and then, like, the. Like, we look into the sixth email, and it's like, is he blowing your husband?
Henry Zebrowski
Yeah, every time. And, you know, every time it starts to fight again.
Eddie Pepitone
Oh, yeah, A minute. And then.
Henry Zebrowski
And then you just see Bill, like, lock the door to his studies. Like, he's in there, he's trying to watch the Alabama game. You know, like, just trying to just sit inside, just trying to be like, maybe I do feel my own pain. And I wonder maybe if I just.
Eddie Pepitone
Spontaneously combust, you know, like, for like, what? He had to for like one minute, look his wife in the eye and be like, no, that man didn't suck my dick. And then had to explain to her.
Henry Zebrowski
Because the whole thing.
Eddie Pepitone
Because I wasn't bad.
Henry Zebrowski
I was actually, at that moment, I couldn't have been sucking my dick because I was having sex with. God. I was having sex with Miranda Cudgel, who ran the pharmacy at the Winn Dixie, you know, like. Like an Alameda Tuscaloosa. Yeah, yeah. God, he's looking like a corpse.
Eddie Pepitone
You know, if Trump did suck Clinton's dick, he should have kept his dress.
Henry Zebrowski
Wow. Yeah.
Eddie Pepitone
From your grave. Oh, with Thanksgiving, I'm going home. I got to go back to Cincinnati for Thanksgiving. And it's not that going to Cincinnati stinks, you know, I like it when I'm there, but it's the traveling. It's the getting there. It's not only difficult on the body, it's so expensive. The price of plane tickets have gone up so much, it's ridiculous. I'm sick of it. What are they doing to us? All right? You gotta save money wherever you can. And that's where rocket money comes in. Rocket money has saved over $2.5 billion for people.
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Eddie Pepitone
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Henry Zebrowski
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Tis the season of gifting and holes to deck. And the who's in Whoville were in love with new tech. Where can we find Sonos and Samsung and Nintendo? They shouted. Would they find it in one place? This they questioned and doubted when suddenly a who yelled, walmart's the place to start. And each who added headphones, TVs and games to their carts with Walmart, their shopping was done in a flurry. They cried out who knew? And ordered their gifts in a hurry shop the latest tech gifts in the Walmart app.
Henry Zebrowski
But the news, it just kept giving. This week it wasn't just our wonderful updates. So this is another questionable. This is a questionable. This whole thing, man. What is this now? Okay, we. For years, for years we've talked about Hitler and he said we just did six hours, six episodes, 13 hours of Nazi footage. We joked a lot about Hitler's micro penis and there's a lot of talk.
Eddie Pepitone
About him having one ball.
Henry Zebrowski
No ball. Everybody has. Right. And, and apparently that's a rumor that had started at the time in, in during the war. The one ball thing by his Taylor. Yes, I guess. Who I mean, I don't know but it's, it's funny because there was like a big thing so I wanted to go to. Then this news hit the Everybody saw I again, one of the top stories that was sent to me all week.
Eddie Pepitone
Yes.
Henry Zebrowski
Hitler is now confirmed to have a micropay.
Eddie Pepitone
How is he confirmed?
Henry Zebrowski
Okay, so I looked into a little bit more how this happened. So this was all done for a documentary series for Channel 4 on BB called Hitler's DNA Blueprint of a Dictator where this company has been doing these sort of kind of like gotcha salacious DNA tests that they're showing on. On television.
Eddie Pepitone
If we never found his body, how we have his DNA?
Henry Zebrowski
So what they have found is they believe they have a bloody swatch from the couch in which he killed himself.
Eddie Pepitone
Right.
Henry Zebrowski
So for a long time it was debated about whether or not the couch was real, this blood was real, and actually belonged to Hitler. It wasn't until finally like five or like five years ago because they had a really hard time finding a direct Hitler descendant that would come forward to. To reveal themselves.
Eddie Pepitone
I thought all of his descendants said they swore to not have kids, kill the bloodline.
Henry Zebrowski
They are. It's like a whole thing. It's like a whole thing because he has cousins. He's like people. The hit family.
Eddie Pepitone
Right? Yeah.
Henry Zebrowski
And so finally a member of his family came forward and agreed to take the corroborating DNA test. They took the DNA test and it looks like, like it's pretty close to. It's a match. So they're pretty certain that. That it's real. That this is actually finally proof that it was Hitler's blood and that they did a full on genome breakdown of him which is feels like a sci fi thriller gone wrong. It sounds like the beginning of a thing that we shouldn't do.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah.
Henry Zebrowski
Because that's the building blocks of how to make another one.
Eddie Pepitone
It would be fun to clone Hitler just to shoot him in the head.
Henry Zebrowski
Just keep making its baby just to kill everybody. Oh.
Eddie Pepitone
Oh my God. For your 50th Henry.
Henry Zebrowski
Oh my God.
Eddie Pepitone
You could go to Germany, clone Hitler.
Henry Zebrowski
And by start now and then I can kill him as a boy.
Eddie Pepitone
Dude.
Henry Zebrowski
And then we raise DNA duplicated Hitlers and we ch. We basically give them cancer and we test technology. Why we do this?
Eddie Pepitone
This was actually. I mean I don't think there's the laws against killing clones yet.
Henry Zebrowski
Yeah.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah. Dude. This is a really good idea.
Henry Zebrowski
Dude.
Eddie Pepitone
This is what Dubai needs.
Henry Zebrowski
Yes.
Eddie Pepitone
Out of everything in Dubai, this is exactly like this. You want the new Abu Dhabi Disney.
Henry Zebrowski
World real look alike.
Eddie Pepitone
This is like. Yeah. We could kill a clone Hitler make put him in the outfit.
Henry Zebrowski
Clone Hitler, clone Princess Diana, get up married to each other.
Eddie Pepitone
Just like hitting him in the head with a hammer. Oh, this is a really Charlie Chaplin Hitler for this. I want this in the world. I want this in the world. We're cloning a Hitler army to kill it. Well, we got so excited. Put your head on it.
Henry Zebrowski
We got so excited. Let me get back to the new story.
Eddie Pepitone
But drowned it.
Henry Zebrowski
Come. Yes. God.
Eddie Pepitone
I want this. Wow. Just get so many things Jewish come together.
Henry Zebrowski
Oh my God. And we could just drown an infant version of baby and we can if baby Hitler we can fill that chamber with come and drown it in Jewish gum.
Eddie Pepitone
Yes. Oh my God.
Henry Zebrowski
Wow.
Eddie Pepitone
Oh my. I'm getting hard. I'm thinking about this.
Henry Zebrowski
I feel like that would fix a lot of stuff. I feel like there's a lot of complicated feelings around and that could fix a lot of stuff.
Eddie Pepitone
We're going to get all my Jewish friends together. We're going to have. We're playing Okie Hitler.
Henry Zebrowski
I'm going to first of all, like I'm already hearing the emails about eugenics and stuff and just say it's not real. It's not real. It's not happening. Okay. We're not going to do it.
Eddie Pepitone
We can't do it. We're I'm not as good at science as you think I am.
Henry Zebrowski
And believe me, if we could, we would.
Eddie Pepitone
Okay.
Henry Zebrowski
Unfortunately, yeah, we would. But it's not real. So before you write the email, it's not real. We're not going to drown a cloned infant of Hitler in a basket of Jewish come because it's going to be hard. There are podcast networks and the podcast.
Eddie Pepitone
Network'S already busy to pull this off.
Henry Zebrowski
This is really difficult.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah, yeah.
Henry Zebrowski
Kelly is slammed.
Eddie Pepitone
She's. She's really busy. Yes. I felt really bad because I. I asked her if she had an extra charger and I was like, she's busy. And I'm like, I need this charger. Like, you know, keep my computer on so I could do these shows. But I felt like she's busy. So Kelly can't get this DNA Hitler clone going.
Henry Zebrowski
Not yet.
Sponsor/Advertisement Voice
So, yes.
Henry Zebrowski
We're looking for actually some freelancers.
Eddie Pepitone
I probably can talk to my family about the cub.
Henry Zebrowski
Oh, yeah, sure.
Eddie Pepitone
I could probably. There's a couple guys that are.
Henry Zebrowski
And I'll just throw some non in there anyway.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So just me.
Henry Zebrowski
Yeah, yeah.
Eddie Pepitone
Brett head. That comes with your vindaloo. That's only if you're pulled up pictures.
Henry Zebrowski
Of nine and that's only if you're.
Eddie Pepitone
Serving in case where you were curious.
Henry Zebrowski
Only if your serving was come down Hitler's infant as an order, then it would go good with a nun. But anyways because that's where the swastika came from. India.
Eddie Pepitone
All right, let's come back.
Henry Zebrowski
So they've sequenced his genome and they discovered that it is true that he had a thing called Kalman syndrome. Kalman, Mr. Banana. So this is Kalman syndrome. It means you can't smell.
Eddie Pepitone
It's just yell at your tiny penis and you say, come on, come on, come on.
Henry Zebrowski
But what happens in this is that it your sexual development it up your sexual secondary sexual characteristics like your balls and your penis. And a lot of people have micro penises. And that took me into. So now we're saying Hitler probably at least had a micro penis minimum. And yes. So that's interesting. Right? That's great. Awesome. But then I went into a little bit more of research of who else had micro penises. We now we know that Santa Claus very. Oh, he. That's why he's so busy so cold up there. Yeah, it's hard. He keeps inside his belly, keeps it warm, makes it small. He's kidding.
Eddie Pepitone
He does it for the hose.
Henry Zebrowski
That's funny.
Eddie Pepitone
Coffee mug.
Henry Zebrowski
But Napoleon Bonapart had a penis that was 1.5 inches long.
Eddie Pepitone
Well, that's cuz they were only boning apart.
Henry Zebrowski
But he got to take the whole thing. He was quite the romantic electron. It was French, but one of my favorite ones I saw when they're. Normally they got big penises.
Eddie Pepitone
Well, romance, yes. The romance part of it.
Henry Zebrowski
They're good at. He's good at talking, but this guy named little Jimmy Scott. Now little Jimmy Scott, he was a jazz singer from back in the day.
Eddie Pepitone
Okay.
Henry Zebrowski
And he had Conman syndrome, which means he had a micro penis. But he used to sing lots of songs because he had a super high voice because it stayed super high because he had a micro penis. And that actually brought quite a bit a bit of people to his side. And he actually did a series of covers. He did Nothing compares to you. He did Jealous Guy.
Eddie Pepitone
Jealous Guy.
Henry Zebrowski
Which great song.
Eddie Pepitone
Love that songs you could you relate to microphones. I love Donnie Hathaway's. Jealous Guy is one of the greatest.
Henry Zebrowski
I made you cry.
Eddie Pepitone
It's a special song.
Henry Zebrowski
It is. I love the Danny Hathaway version of it. But yeah, he's a. But that's a special guy with a little penis. And he was really great.
Eddie Pepitone
He goes to say killer has a micro penis.
Henry Zebrowski
Apparently not as special of a guy, but Jimmy. A little Jimmy. A little Jimmy.
Eddie Pepitone
So it doesn't make you a horrible person. You could just become Frankie Valli.
Henry Zebrowski
Oh yeah.
Eddie Pepitone
What are we thinking here?
Henry Zebrowski
Well, he also performed the song Sycamore Trees in the climactic final episode of the original Twin Peaks.
Eddie Pepitone
Oh, there you go.
Henry Zebrowski
So he is quite so again. Yes, you're right, Eddie. That's why. Kind of why I brought him up. Because I think a lot of times we. A micro penis will make you mean a micro penis will make you surly. But I think that it's important for you to know that a man's not just a penis. A man can also be a singer, a murderer and a statesman.
Sponsor/Advertisement Voice
Yeah.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah. No, I. I looked up who in history had micropenis and it's just Hitler.
Henry Zebrowski
Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler. Because a lot of them, the rest of them, they are. They are more rumored to have.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah, no one's really mentioning it. Oh my God. If you just.
Henry Zebrowski
I mean, I know some people have micro penises that I even can't say.
Eddie Pepitone
Say I. I will say I know.
Henry Zebrowski
Somebody who has a micro penis that you would be so surprised as a micro penis. Well, they seem Jean to Georgan as a. Has a micro penis.
Eddie Pepitone
I will say that you think James.
Henry Zebrowski
Vanderbeek's got a microphone sick right now.
Eddie Pepitone
That's not.
Henry Zebrowski
Yeah, that's sad. Don't do this, George Clooney.
Eddie Pepitone
Oh, come on.
Henry Zebrowski
Oh, they're just coming for the handsome ones.
Eddie Pepitone
Whatever.
Henry Zebrowski
Yeah. Colin first. Yeah, you're telling me. Pictures. He does have a little British. No, that's a grower, not a shower.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Henry Zebrowski
He also had a very big bush in that picture.
Eddie Pepitone
Rob, can you do me a favor? Can you just throw a micro penis into the Wikipedia for us real quick?
Henry Zebrowski
Sure. It's really sad. I want to find out who the guy is in Mike that the. The guy that is the picture of it is so either proud or sad.
Eddie Pepitone
Look at that. Wikipedia has pictures of tiny ticks.
Henry Zebrowski
What I love is that it just.
Eddie Pepitone
Says I donated to Wikipedia. It just says, doubling my donation this Christmas.
Henry Zebrowski
My favorite is the caption is just an adult male's micro penis in its flaccid state.
Eddie Pepitone
Oh, there's a close up of the erect one. Henry. It goes to three inches. Look at that. Three inches. You would think it would be small. Oh, those are centimeters.
Henry Zebrowski
It looks smaller when it's big.
Eddie Pepitone
Those are sentiments, Wikipedia.
Henry Zebrowski
Yeah, buddy.
Eddie Pepitone
Wikipedia is loving them.
Henry Zebrowski
Oh, wow, that is quite. Oh, this is all bad Wikipedia. So just again, if you have a micropenis, please email me side stories lpotlmail.com.
Eddie Pepitone
I think it's fine.
Henry Zebrowski
I kind of want one if you have. I don't want one, but if you have one, what do you do with it to make it better?
Eddie Pepitone
You don't make.
Henry Zebrowski
It's not about making sex better. There's other things to do. But it's not about. It's about eating, pleasuring and reading. I think it's a lot of reading. I think it's a lot of writing. I think it's a lot of sculpture making. I'm trying to think what else.
Eddie Pepitone
John Hopkins Hospital, the center most known for this approach, performed 12 such reassignments in Night from 1960 to 1980, most notably that of David Reimer. Sorry, David. Whose penis was destroyed by a circumcision accident. I don't even know. That's crazy to me.
Henry Zebrowski
What were they doing in this train car Escalade?
Eddie Pepitone
You know what? Let's let the chimp do this one.
Henry Zebrowski
Oh, we gotta take the canyon. Oh, my God. Tell me you sterilize these.
Eddie Pepitone
Oh, yeah.
Henry Zebrowski
Oh, wow. He took way too much off the top.
Eddie Pepitone
Subjects of the surgery vocal about their dissatisfaction.
Henry Zebrowski
They're legitimately. This website is Showing the tiny penises of this men. Yeah. That is so funny. Wow. Richard Davis dress is David Harbor.
Eddie Pepitone
David Harbors. He's a sexual deviant.
Henry Zebrowski
He's got a small penis and so does Richard Dreyfus. I just saw his small penis.
Eddie Pepitone
And Richard, I understand he's small. He always has to, like, say who he is. Oh, weird.
Henry Zebrowski
It is. It's his little penis.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah, it is cute.
Henry Zebrowski
Weird. Why are they showing us this?
Eddie Pepitone
Oh, all right.
Henry Zebrowski
We can't.
Eddie Pepitone
I think it's good for actors who do sex scenes because they, you know, the actress doesn't have to worry about stuff.
Henry Zebrowski
We'll just put a fake one on for the camera.
Eddie Pepitone
Also. Yeah, these guys. Guys aren't doing nudity scenes. I don't trust this website. What website is this?
Henry Zebrowski
No, that was. Look at the penis. This is menembaras home blog. Come on, dude.
Eddie Pepitone
Okay. This guy's just holding a fish. Men embarrassed home blog. Yeah, I don't think I trust this one.
Henry Zebrowski
He's holding on there. I feel like he's a permanent men embarrassed.
Eddie Pepitone
It's hard flaccid syndrome. It's a rare acquired condition a characterized by a flashy penis that remains firm semi rigid state in the absence of sexual arousal. Oh, is that really a problem?
Henry Zebrowski
I'm looking. I just looked up Richard Dreyfus nude.
Eddie Pepitone
Richard Dreyfus, nude. Oh, this is.
Henry Zebrowski
Oh, the movie's called inserts.
Eddie Pepitone
Oh, that's not good.
Henry Zebrowski
All right, let's get to some stories.
Eddie Pepitone
Eddie.
Henry Zebrowski
Let's get to some stories.
Eddie Pepitone
All right, now we're just. How about this? I was right.
Henry Zebrowski
I was right. All right, so last week was correct. All right, so last week.
Eddie Pepitone
I don't know if that makes me a good person or a bad person.
Henry Zebrowski
We first of all want to reach out to the family members. This person say, we're sorry, but last week we were completely correct. A guy by the name of Michael dy. He goes. He's a food influencer. But the name of. With it, it's. It's food with bare hands.
Eddie Pepitone
Yes.
Henry Zebrowski
And last week it said that he had died in an accident or incident. And before that we were like, you know, we always catch the story right before we record.
Eddie Pepitone
I scramble every time before we come in here to find one thing that's popping because of the curse.
Henry Zebrowski
Yes.
Eddie Pepitone
You know, it just like every single time. So this one, I found this guy guy, and I'm like, accident, incident. No one's saying exactly what happened. Was it a car accident that happened in Texas? It seems kind of crazy. And I was like, it doesn't seem right. It doesn't seem fishy. You heard the show last week. Yeah, but we look into it, two days later, comes out shot by the cops because he charged him with a knife. Yeah, buddy.
Sponsor/Advertisement Voice
He goes.
Eddie Pepitone
He screamed, I'm gonna kill you. And she ran a bunch of cops like, what the fuck?
Henry Zebrowski
It's just like, that is an incident. Yeah, that is most assuredly an incident. You know, that is just. Just so. Like, what guys just are. Everybody's insane, Eddie.
Eddie Pepitone
Yes, everybody's insane. I mean, this guy, obviously, like, he seemed. He seemed on the level. He seemed nice.
Henry Zebrowski
He seemed whatever. He seemed like a. Just a guy that does his food. Influencer material.
Eddie Pepitone
You never know.
Henry Zebrowski
You. You literally never know. But also, you know what you do know, And I'll say this, the job person's job description is influencer. From what I've. The influencers that I've met, I've met some that are extremely normal and fine, but I. I mean, it. It's a. It's a troubled group.
Eddie Pepitone
It really is the only profession that makes me proud to call myself a podcaster.
Henry Zebrowski
Well, it's like, at least we're comedians.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah. Yeah.
Henry Zebrowski
You know, at least we have that. At least no matter what we have, we're not just telling people to just buy things.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah.
Sponsor/Advertisement Voice
Yes.
Henry Zebrowski
But he's. That this guy went off the rails. I think that he was spending too much time alone.
Eddie Pepitone
Oh, yeah. You know, food with. You're sticking in the woods, you. You're just eating random, you know, like, it's crazy.
Sponsor/Advertisement Voice
But.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah, I know. So he charged the cops and they killed him.
Henry Zebrowski
No, he is.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah.
Henry Zebrowski
So you just. You just never know who you're dealing with.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah.
Henry Zebrowski
Speaking of, this is another story from this week that you didn't like it, but I thought it was kind of. It was interesting. It's mostly just I. I talk about it.
Eddie Pepitone
Maybe I didn't read about it enough.
Henry Zebrowski
I have to deal with this with my. I had to dealt with this with my mom.
Sponsor/Advertisement Voice
Mother.
Henry Zebrowski
Upper Arlington man told police he killed his wife after sextortion threat. So this guy, James Stephen Hill, 76, he's charged with aggravated murder and the death of his wife, Mary Kathleen Hill, 64. This is from Arlington, Ohio.
Eddie Pepitone
Okay.
Henry Zebrowski
So a horrific place. But they went and they. They called. Apparently they showed up. He had done. He'd given himself a stab wound to the chest and he had stabbed his wife to death because he was getting sex started. So this is like a new thing amongst the elderly, and it's about whether. Or not. And it turns out that it's real. So this guy got talked into either by a human or a bot to send nude pictures of himself. He's 76 years old. He sent nude pictures of himself to a bot or a human. We don't know quite yet. And then that bot or human said, Give me $15,000 or I'm going to send these pictures to the Internet.
Eddie Pepitone
Internet, yeah.
Henry Zebrowski
And so he killed his wife and then he tried to kill the dog. He couldn't get the dog. Dog was too fast. And then he tried to kill himself and I guess he was too fast and it didn't work out. So. But it really comes to this. This talked. We have maybe five seventy plus listeners. I've met them, I've met them. We've met them all. We've met some. Somebody came to the. The. On the cruise.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah, no, there's always like one old person. It's like, you know what? My kid got me into it. You got to funny. Yeah.
Henry Zebrowski
But I will say this. I want you to know that. Let's say this even happens. First of all, what are you doing? You're 76 years old. Stop taking pictures of your fucking penis.
Eddie Pepitone
Also, no one wants to see it.
Henry Zebrowski
But all but. And conversely, if we were to see it, it would not be a scandal. The Internet is far more salacious than that. James Stephen Hill, I really hate to.
Eddie Pepitone
Break this to you, but no one cares about you or your cock.
Henry Zebrowski
Your penis is not worth $15,000.
Eddie Pepitone
They could show it at church and the news is so fucked up that everyone would forget by next Sunday it'll just roll over.
Henry Zebrowski
So never do. Don't you. You might have just been looking for an excuse to kill your wife. And I'm saying right now to our listeners, you don't have to make up an excuse. Just do it. You know what I mean? If you need. If you're going to do it, just do it. Because this is an excuse. If you're over 70 and someone wants to publish pictures of your tickets. Tits. You should thank them.
Eddie Pepitone
Also, how gnarled and horrible is your penis that you think your wife won't want to live anymore after other people see it.
Henry Zebrowski
So embarrassed by. Well, he thought he would just be so embarrassed by this scandal of his penis hitting the Internet. And it's like, bro, you're not Chris Helmsworth.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah.
Henry Zebrowski
Nobody gives a. So you just like you took pictures.
Eddie Pepitone
Of your and put it on the Internet yourself. You'd be so sad when you saw.
Henry Zebrowski
How many little People, people would give a fucking shit. Would even click on because you're always.
Eddie Pepitone
I got. I got seven clicks. That's it.
Henry Zebrowski
Nobody would even care. Dude, the President of the United States is a pedophile, an active rapist who has probably fucked his own daughter. Nobody cares about your tits or your penis. Yeah. They just don't care. So if you're going to. That is what that is why I'm telling this story is that the sextortion to old people is on the rise. Happened to my mother. My mother called me. I already told the story on the show. But it's true. She called me going, I got an email saying they had naked pictures of me in the shower. How did they get the pictures? And it's like, they didn't get the pictures, Mom. Yeah. There are no pictures. And again, if there are no one, you should be so lucky.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah.
Henry Zebrowski
You know what I mean?
Eddie Pepitone
No, she get hitched up right away.
Henry Zebrowski
I mean, you know, she already got it started getting dicks thrown at her other way. But it's all from these poor ass guys.
Eddie Pepitone
That's the thing. These dudes are. They're just so broken.
Henry Zebrowski
Sex with my mother.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah.
Henry Zebrowski
Get a job.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah, get a goddamn job. Or have some independence.
Henry Zebrowski
Something holy. You know what? It also problems in Florida. It's all these boomers. They're all running out of money. That's the big thing where we're about to hit two big things in our generation. One is the fact that everybody over the age of 75 literally has zero dollars.
Eddie Pepitone
They have nothing. Everyone's in a rude awakening when they'.
Henry Zebrowski
Parents die and the AI wall is about to hit like a. So remember that as well. The idea of generative AI is going to hit a wall. Pull your money out now.
Eddie Pepitone
Yes. No, man, it's. It also, you know what? This thing is happening more and more because I've gotten those emails. It was. It was funny because I got one. It was like, we have video of you masturbating and we're gonna post it all over the Internet. And I was like, go ahead, sure. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's just like, who cares? Exactly what I was saying.
Henry Zebrowski
You know who taught us that was David Letterman. Yeah, David Letterman went through so many like, think about this is in the pre. Like cancel Internet world. He went through several.
Eddie Pepitone
And he did it all very publicly.
Henry Zebrowski
And massive scandals and he took them right on the mouth. Like, I know he can. He has like, kind of like the obviously male privilege and the power of money. But that's an Example of somebody that stood, stood up and owned his scandals and stepped in front of the scandals. And that keeps you from getting blackmailed is by just telling everybody somebody's blackmailing you own the ownership. Us as a people want you to embarrass yourselves because we embarrass ourselves every day.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah, man. At the show this weekend in San Diego, we were doing Brighter Sides at the end of the show just kind of like, you know, talking to the audience and having some fun and someone in the front audience, front row was like my father got catfished for $12,000. Yeah. You know, and it's just like godamn. And they were asking for the brighter side. I was like, well now you own your father. Y I was like, that is what that is, the brighter side.
Henry Zebrowski
But the problem is when you own your father who man, the rates for father is dropping. Let me tell you that.
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Henry Zebrowski
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Eddie Pepitone
There's a story that I'm obsessed with and it's like still you do your.
Henry Zebrowski
Story because this other story is developing too and I want to get it.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah. So I just kind of want to talk about it and keep our eyes on it in one of those things where so they've talked about this before but they're starting to get more pressure proof. There's an investigation that has opened up into a claim that back in the 90s during the Bosnian war. Okay, during the Bosnian war shit's they would hire Russia, would hire Taurus snipers from mostly from Italy and they would come and spend lots of money in order to snipe women and children, that Bosnian women and children. And then so depending on who they show shot, that's how much they would have to pay. And was all in the. The disguise of war.
Henry Zebrowski
Evil Italian would pay money to go shoot to be able to do sniper tourism is what they were calling it. And it's very interesting because it's the same Italian crew that Silvio Berlusconi and the Italian Trumps came through. And that whole thing is very. I bet you all that touches tips.
Eddie Pepitone
It says that they spent over a hundred thousand dollars for the experience and as many as a hundred from various countries take had taken part.
Henry Zebrowski
No, it's a. That is a real. That's a horror movie, man.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah. So go keep investigating this and find those. It's never too late.
Henry Zebrowski
Yes.
Eddie Pepitone
And just nail their ass to the goddamn wall. The fact.
Henry Zebrowski
Scary story.
Eddie Pepitone
Such a crazy. I never even would think of that. Like, just like. Not only that are you committing war crimes. You're making money off of them.
Henry Zebrowski
I mean, everybody. But this is one of those where. Where this is a story that we're hearing that's probably one of countless stories that have happened within the spheres of war.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah.
Henry Zebrowski
All over the world and through all time.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah. Well, we know, but it's different.
Henry Zebrowski
Yes. When it's different, when you hire the.
Eddie Pepitone
Mercenary and then you pay them to kill the people, this is like they're making money. Like, I feel like that's.
Henry Zebrowski
I'm just talking in general. I'm just talking in general about how much money is to be made in the spheres of war and how. How they. That's why they have events. That's why massive nations have vested interests in doing wars, is because everybody makes money on it.
Eddie Pepitone
It's weird as I'm talking about this right now, but in the beginning of the show, I was offering money to kill a clone of Hitler.
Henry Zebrowski
You were. But that's fun again. That's fun. And science. That's something else. That's a thought exercise. And it, again, I do think it will help.
Eddie Pepitone
It is a thought exercise.
Henry Zebrowski
It's a thought exercise.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah.
Henry Zebrowski
Yeah.
Eddie Pepitone
I don't think I could actually kill a B baby.
Henry Zebrowski
I mean, it depends on how.
Eddie Pepitone
I mean, if I accidentally sat on one. But it wouldn't be. That would be an accident. That would just be like, why you leave your baby on the couch, dude.
Henry Zebrowski
Have you ever. Have you been following. Have you been following the story of the guy that let the baby in the hot car? And this story is.
Eddie Pepitone
I'm going to take this back can't come soon enough.
Henry Zebrowski
This good this story is. It's out of Arizona. This guy, I. He left his daughter in the car outside in the driveway and he went in. He had been doing. He has two other kids too. His wife's a doctor. He's been. What's his name? Was this idiot's name, this dead idiot? Christopher Scholes. I didn't hear the. I think Skolts. He committed suicide because he just got a 20 to 30 year. He just got a 20 to 30 year manslaughter charge or aggravated murder.
Sponsor/Advertisement Voice
Murder.
Henry Zebrowski
I mean 20 to 30 year was actually he took a plea. He pleaded guilty and he took a plea. And going into jail for accidentally murdering your daughter is not a good way to enter into jail. If you go into big time jail. Like he was not going to. They said if it would have been. This is a up statement to say he would have been safer if he had done a sexual crime against her.
Eddie Pepitone
Protect him.
Henry Zebrowski
Because he'd go in with the other sexual offenders and they keep them separate. Where he would be going into the murder end of the pen with the big boys.
Eddie Pepitone
Yes.
Henry Zebrowski
And he was not ready to be amongst the big boys.
Eddie Pepitone
They would have destroyed him.
Henry Zebrowski
He would have not lived. I don't think he would have lived very long. I think he would have had a very tough time.
Eddie Pepitone
Arizona's got tough prisons.
Henry Zebrowski
Yes. And so I think that day. And he's very soft man. If you watch the body cam footage. I think that's the worst part is that I will say this and I mean this and all in truly nice. I did technically compare this guy to Holden because he reminded me a lot of Holden because.
Eddie Pepitone
Oh, I remember this now.
Henry Zebrowski
It's because the guy comes out, he's like, what do you mean? Mean, I'm under investigation for murder.
Eddie Pepitone
Oh, he keeps trying to shower.
Henry Zebrowski
She laid down and took a nap. He was like. Well, it's because he's. He's completely checked. Well, he was smoking weed all morning. This is one of those.
Eddie Pepitone
It's a whole kid was in the car.
Henry Zebrowski
He's a very. He's a. And it wasn't one time. They said that it was at least 20 times that he had been leaving the car, the kids in the car and his wife who's a doctor. He's a stay at home dad.
Eddie Pepitone
Oh, come on.
Henry Zebrowski
That's all you do, stay at home dad.
Eddie Pepitone
You don't do anything else.
Henry Zebrowski
Exactly. And so for a while you're so fork fortunate dude.
Eddie Pepitone
To be a stay at home dad.
Henry Zebrowski
The wife Ran his whole life. And the wife was trying to. They were going to do the whole trial until the worst part came which they were trying to hide. Then of course it comes out in discovery was the fact that he was watching porn on his phone while the daughter was dying in the driveway. He left her alone in the driveway for three hours. And then when they.
Eddie Pepitone
That's a lot of porn.
Henry Zebrowski
Oh yeah. Well, he played video. He smoked a boy played video games, jerked off. And then when that information came out in discovery they were like we don't need a trial. He'll plea because. But it was too late because that genie was out of the bottle. They were trying to keep that information hidden. And then they realized like once they found out, once the other prisoners found.
Eddie Pepitone
Out that you were just playing video.
Henry Zebrowski
Games and your daughter you were doing a children horrendously and she had been. He had been doing this dumb thing of leaving the kids in the crowd car and he had put a new peloton in the driveway which is how he was doing it before pulling the cars into the driveway and then keeping the house air conditioning would also be going so that no matter what, even when the car automatically shut off, they'd be fine inside of the garage. But because he had bought a brand new peloton they couldn't pull the car into the garage was why the car was sitting in the driveway.
Eddie Pepitone
Also leaving a car on in the garage we know is the bad idea as well.
Henry Zebrowski
This man is truly was this was going to happen and it happened to him. And it's an extremely sad story. And then he committed suicide. It actually also to be honest it seems to maybe have it. I don't think it saved the family anything. I think that it is going to. It is obviously destroyed that family from the inside out.
Eddie Pepitone
I gotta say women higher your standards.
Henry Zebrowski
You know it's not even. It's just.
Eddie Pepitone
I mean this is like this guy's worthless. He can't even hold a job.
Henry Zebrowski
But it's also to me it's more just understanding the what's up about being a 40 year old guy new dad and stuff about like when you don't maybe understand just how serious everything is now.
Eddie Pepitone
Yes.
Henry Zebrowski
In your life. Yeah.
Eddie Pepitone
Children are very fragile.
Henry Zebrowski
It's real serious.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah.
Henry Zebrowski
And that it comes on you like a freight train. And there's no training to be a dad. Right. There's none of that.
Eddie Pepitone
Some training. I mean there's books and classes and.
Henry Zebrowski
But I will say all of our friends that have children or as big of an Idiot as that guy. And they all live. They've all kept their child alive.
Eddie Pepitone
No. No one's as dumb as.
Henry Zebrowski
But I just mean I love our buddies. I'm just saying I would if you've told any one of our friends that have kids that they have kids 10 years ago and you told me that I'd laugh you to the bank. Right. But the fact that now that they have kids and the fact that they. They just have to keep them alive.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah.
Henry Zebrowski
Shows them that you just, you know, it's. It's one job the guy. One job.
Eddie Pepitone
I'm too selfish. That's why I don't want to have kids. Cuz like your life is. Doesn't belong to you anymore. Once you have kids, it belongs to the kids.
Henry Zebrowski
You have to keep your head in. It's like you're not you anymore.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah.
Henry Zebrowski
You belong to your kids.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah.
Henry Zebrowski
Which is.
Eddie Pepitone
And then when you up like this, you deserve what happens.
Henry Zebrowski
You know. And that is just. It's just a brutal story. And I guess at first it was making me not laugh but it was making me only just because I could.
Eddie Pepitone
Just the stupidity of this man.
Henry Zebrowski
It was watching. I just there but for the grace of God go Holden it. But at the same time set an example. They always do this, bro. You know, every single documentary was like no one woke up that morning thinking that it would be 9 11. You know what I mean?
Sponsor/Advertisement Voice
Like.
Henry Zebrowski
Yeah, no one expects 9 11. If you expect the bad thing to happen, you're doing the bad thing.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah, that.
Henry Zebrowski
All right. Well I think we did far too long.
Eddie Pepitone
It's fine. Whatever.
Henry Zebrowski
I am going to.
Eddie Pepitone
We have emails about elephants. We got emails about.
Henry Zebrowski
Let me just do this one email. Let me do this one email about elephants and then we'll go. Go. I am going to save these brutally sad widower emails for the stream. So next advertisement for the stream. Yes. Next stream on. Last stream on the left live. You're going to watch us read these extremely sad widower emails and then we're going to give them a brand news fresh out of the box. Foot shaped dildo.
Eddie Pepitone
That's right.
Henry Zebrowski
You're going to vote. Are we giving on the saddest story? No.
Eddie Pepitone
Oh wow. So we're actually going to tell one of these sad guys their stories and not sad enough.
Henry Zebrowski
Yeah.
Eddie Pepitone
And this one's. This one's just going to be you and I next stream.
Henry Zebrowski
Yes. And we're just showing what we're saying. It's one guy. One of them is. That is going to be the most Sad. And unfortunately, four other guys. It's not going to be sad enough.
Eddie Pepitone
Can. Can we. Guys, if you sent in one of your widower emails, can we get a picture too? I think it really helps with the sadness. Even if it's.
Henry Zebrowski
Honestly, if you can handle. Handle it, we'd love it. Like, if you think you could handle it, not flip out or whatever, that'd be awesome. Honestly, if you could send us pictures of your dead wives as well.
Eddie Pepitone
We have to give them something.
Henry Zebrowski
If they lose the loot, the losers know their story wasn't sad enough.
Eddie Pepitone
They don't get to a foot, but they maybe. Like, we have other people.
Henry Zebrowski
We only have the one foot.
Eddie Pepitone
We got what? We got a mouth too. I'm not keeping the mouth.
Henry Zebrowski
No, we're keeping the mouth.
Eddie Pepitone
You want the mouth?
Henry Zebrowski
That's a great character.
Eddie Pepitone
Oh, okay. Well, we also have like the other ones that are. We got the looby that they sent of stuff.
Henry Zebrowski
Two vaginas down there.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah, we got two actual. Oh yeah.
Sponsor/Advertisement Voice
We could just.
Henry Zebrowski
Straight up. We can give them these.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah, we didn't even open or mess with those.
Henry Zebrowski
Those kind of make me feel weird.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah, I don't like those. They could use them.
Henry Zebrowski
They need it if they're. But then I guess that's the thing is that this charity.
Eddie Pepitone
Unless they post these for widowers.
Henry Zebrowski
I love this idea. We're going to save. We're going to save the 2026 midterms with this. We're going to change the country with this. Because if we get them too busy.
Eddie Pepitone
My new cause. They can't get back out there. They're too sad. They just need to spend some time alone.
Henry Zebrowski
Honestly, women are exhausted, man.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah.
Henry Zebrowski
Yeah. And you already did one, so. Yeah, that's what I would say. You already got one done. Why get another one? Dude, be single, be awesome. Yeah, go ride the bull every week, weekend. Go like go to the bar where.
Eddie Pepitone
There'S the mechanical giving away million dollar ideas left and right. This I know, man, I'm losing money by the second. We need to know.
Henry Zebrowski
We need to be somebody in Dubai, man. Here we go.
Eddie Pepitone
Not the guy who just got chopped up in the desert, of course.
Henry Zebrowski
Well, that guy, he was bad with money. This is the elephant piss. I traveled with the Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey Circus. Formerly known as the Greatest show on Earth.
Sponsor/Advertisement Voice
Earth.
Henry Zebrowski
We traveled city, city by train. The elephants would travel with us on their own train car during load in and loadout when the elephants were practically standing around just waiting to go on stage. Their caretaker Team would have to follow them around cleaning up their messes. Each time an elephant would defecate, someone was there to catch it before it hit the ground. Arenas and civic centers, they hate that. And poop. Wasn't that really of a big of a deal?
Eddie Pepitone
But they used to get mad when we put like popcorn on the stage.
Henry Zebrowski
Oh, I remember that. My dad used to bring the elephants through the midtown tunnel. This was actually a big deal.
Eddie Pepitone
I remember that in Long island city at like 3am he would.
Henry Zebrowski
They would go. He took me once. That was actually one of the more magical experiences I had with my father where he took me in the cop car and we got to follow the elephants and it was great.
Eddie Pepitone
That is pretty cool. You got to sit up front. Yeah, that's great.
Henry Zebrowski
Yeah. He only let me do the prisoner experience once. That's so cool. I've never seen this. Yeah, dude.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah. No, this is a big deal.
Henry Zebrowski
This is. My dad used to do this, but. But. Oh, the piss. It's the piss. Someone would post up under the elephant with a wheelbarrow and catch the piss. And then they would have to carefully walk the wheelbarrows outside where they would have to find a storm drain and dump it into so much piss. Big wheelbarrows filled with piss was. Made me laugh. Just the idea of it.
Eddie Pepitone
Oh, my God.
Henry Zebrowski
I didn't even think about that. I wish my dad was around just so I could ask him about that. That's so funny.
Eddie Pepitone
Oh, my. So pissed.
Henry Zebrowski
So funny. But yeah, we got all of these widowers. We're going to go through this widower stuff. This. I can't wait. You guys are sad as some of you guys are.
Eddie Pepitone
Look at that. That's a lot of piss.
Henry Zebrowski
Yeah, dude. Look at that piss go. That looks like me after my Almost Certain.
Eddie Pepitone
Man. I've been going lately. It's been good.
Henry Zebrowski
I was talking about this with Jackie. That was like one of the main things that no one ever really planned. Like, told me about what as how much getting older as a dude would involve. Involve absolutely gigantic pisses. Yes.
Eddie Pepitone
Well, you gotta drink more water as you get older.
Henry Zebrowski
And all the. I'm thinking blood thinners. So it's like when I'm going, man. Holy. It's awesome.
Eddie Pepitone
You gotta get that chunky blood.
Henry Zebrowski
I'm just saying. I got the big. No, I got big pits. Just like this guy. Look at this animal, this elephant. We're just watching animal videos of elephants.
Eddie Pepitone
I mean, that's more than a wheelbarrow's worth of piss.
Henry Zebrowski
So Satisfaction. Fine. It looks like me at the end of a Dude. The end of Super Bowl.
Eddie Pepitone
You know what's crazy is like, as I get older, you'd be drinking Bud Light. Every piss and I take as I get older is like a day changer sometimes.
Henry Zebrowski
If it's good. Yeah.
Eddie Pepitone
Good or bad, you think about it for hours. Yeah.
Henry Zebrowski
I've had good and bad of that.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah.
Henry Zebrowski
I've had the good ones that make me go like I'm living every day the right way. And then I've had good ones, I've had bad ones to make me laugh. My way all the way to the having the shower. Shower, my butt. But either way, I know for a fact now I'm going to love the fact that I'm regular.
Eddie Pepitone
I was in a really bad mood before this and I'm pretty all right now. Yeah. And I want. I want to thank you.
Henry Zebrowski
I want thank.
Eddie Pepitone
Cuz I came in in like a really bad mood and I'm like, fine now.
Henry Zebrowski
Yeah, it was nice. You know what it was? What I think it was drowning baby Hitler in Jewish comp.
Eddie Pepitone
It really does kind of get you going.
Henry Zebrowski
Makes me feel better just thinking about it. Just thinking about it. Because also as a baby, it can't grow the mustache, but I draw the little mustache on it.
Eddie Pepitone
Oh, of course. You got to draw the mustache.
Henry Zebrowski
Yeah. Just so you'd remember every time you felt bad.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And plus then.
Henry Zebrowski
But you're not jerking off in front of it either.
Eddie Pepitone
No, of course you're not jerking.
Henry Zebrowski
No.
Eddie Pepitone
You're bringing the come from home.
Henry Zebrowski
Yeah, I want that come cold.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm not putting in the fridge.
Henry Zebrowski
No. But I don't want it hot either.
Eddie Pepitone
Not any warm.
Henry Zebrowski
And no, I don't want it to be.
Sponsor/Advertisement Voice
That's.
Eddie Pepitone
Com. You're right. It should be chilly.
Henry Zebrowski
Yeah, it should be iced.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah.
Sponsor/Advertisement Voice
Cubed.
Henry Zebrowski
Email us with some more ideas of what we should do with baby Hitler. Side Stories LPOTL gmail.com It's a clone.
Eddie Pepitone
It's not a person.
Henry Zebrowski
It's not patreon.com podcast and life enough help fund our dream. We will. We will print celebrities to drown them and come please, if you help, we make enough money. We will do this ourselves. And if the person that gives me the. The money that gets like. Because it doesn't have. We've been talking a lot about Hitler. It could be a lot of people. It could be Winston Churchill.
Eddie Pepitone
I think Himler is a great one.
Henry Zebrowski
Him. Him. If we could find Evidence of his body. They got rid of his body in our mark grave. So it'd be very hard to find his body. I would also.
Eddie Pepitone
Tom Brady just cloned his dog. We could drown that in come.
Henry Zebrowski
Tom Brady, his dog. Oh, yeah.
Eddie Pepitone
He just cloned his dog.
Henry Zebrowski
Oh, yeah. Tom Brady too.
Eddie Pepitone
But it's not a but Tom Brady's not a clone. You can't kill a person.
Henry Zebrowski
Clone Tom Brady.
Eddie Pepitone
Clone Tom Brady.
Henry Zebrowski
Then we can kill Tom Brady as a baby by drowning. And come can also be Jewish baby. But I'm saying it's up for anybody who's paying for it.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're paying for it, Epstein. I mean, you know, his DNA is out there.
Henry Zebrowski
It is. Enjoy. Go follow take on get social media for all of that and LP on the left and all the social medias go to YouTube at LPN TV. We got a new vampire show, LPNL. RPG Blood Bath. Go check it out. It's really good. There's other shows.
Eddie Pepitone
Do the ratings go down this week? Do you think maybe went up actually? Yeah.
Henry Zebrowski
Yeah.
Eddie Pepitone
Nice. Yeah.
Henry Zebrowski
I couldn't even care. Yeah, Care less. I'll say it never.
Eddie Pepitone
Oh, oh. We got shows. We got shows.
Henry Zebrowski
Dot com.
Eddie Pepitone
Henry and I are just going to Vegas to watch.
Henry Zebrowski
Seriously.
Eddie Pepitone
We're going December 7th.
Henry Zebrowski
It's going to be great. Come out and see that show.
Eddie Pepitone
Yeah, it's going to be amazing. I'm also going to be at Oxnard levity Live on January 4th with Carolina HGO, Julia Johns and Holden. And Jake will confront Holden about being a better father. No, he's actually great father. He is a very good. He's. We just like to make fun of him. He's a phenomenal father. February 18th, it's a Wednesday. I'm going to be in San Francisco at the Punchline with Grant Gordon. And then Henry and I are. Are going up to Alaska with Billy Wayne Davis, Anchorage on February 20th. That one's almost sold out. Get your tickets to that.
Henry Zebrowski
I cannot wait.
Eddie Pepitone
Fairbanks, Alaska on February 21st. Come and see that. It's been a great time hanging with you, buddy. Enjoy yourselves. Have a great week. And can I also Hail Satan, please? Hail Satan.
Henry Zebrowski
Isn't it nice?
Eddie Pepitone
It is nice. Dude, you should have seen. We really freaked out the staff at the mic drop in San Diego. Coming out and just being like, hail Satan. It was just like the loudest. Like there sounded like there was way more people in that room than there really was.
Henry Zebrowski
That's great.
Eddie Pepitone
Y' all are heroes. I love you. Keep the freaking out.
Henry Zebrowski
The squares nothing like screaming Hell Satan on a Royal Caribbean cruise while all of these people are watching it from the balconies. And was one of the funniest things ever and people first night, dude, when we went and we did we were screaming Hell Satan and then we went to dinner and then someone turned into like we were all sitting at a table and someone turned to themselves next door and they were like that's one of the 500 Satanists that are on board. It's awesome. All right, see you. See you next week.
Eddie Pepitone
Peace.
Henry Zebrowski
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Henry Zebrowski
What about do they have brands kids have been wanting all year?
Sponsor/Advertisement Voice
Yep.
Henry Zebrowski
Barbie, Tony's and Lego. Gifts that will make them all cheer. Do you mean they have all the brands I adore?
Eddie Pepitone
They have Nintendo, Nespresso, Apple and more.
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Henry Zebrowski
Who knew?
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Release Date: November 19, 2025
Hosts: Henry Zebrowski, Eddie Pepitone
This episode of Side Stories delivers a wild, bizarre, and darkly comedic take on the past week’s strangest news. Henry and Eddie riff on ancient music, the chaos around the Jeffrey Epstein emails, conspiracy theories, recent scandals, micro-penis rumors (including Hitler’s), and a slew of tragic and weird current events—intertwining dark humor, personal stories, and their signature brand of irreverence.
[01:22 – 05:00]
[05:00 – 17:00]
[21:05 – 29:57]
[34:23 – 36:39]
[36:46 – 41:47]
[43:57 – 46:35]
[46:46 – 52:03]
[53:16 – 56:44]
[57:05 – End]
The episode brims with the hosts’ trademark devil-may-care energy—veering from stupid-high ancient flute music, through depraved political scandals, darkly comic riffing on both historical atrocities and personal failings, to moments of real-life tragedy and compassionate takeaways (even if wrapped in gallows humor). No subject is sacred, and every twist is treated with a mix of shock, sarcasm, and odd hope for total systemic collapse (and rebirth via sex toy distribution to widowers).
If you’re looking for a summary of the chaos in last week’s current events—through the eyes of two comedians who approach every horror with humor, skepticism, and a dash of hopeful anarchy—this episode delivers. You’ll get the wildest takes on political scandals, conspiracy emails, historical rumors, and human folly, with jokes and philosophical pessimism in equal measure.
No subject is too sacred, too stupid, or too horrifying for Henry and Eddie—and if you can stomach the gallows humor, you’ll learn something, too.
Contact:
Email the show or submit your own wild stories: sidestorieslpotl@gmail.com
Catch Up & Support:
Visit Last Podcast Network
YouTube: LPN TV
Patreon: podcast Patreon
Live Shows & Streams: See the episode for details