Side Stories: Breast Friends

Summary

Last Podcast on the Left
Episode Summary: "Side Stories: Breast Friends"
Release Date: May 28, 2025

Hosted by The Last Podcast Network, "Last Podcast on the Left" delves into the darkest aspects of both real and imagined horrors. In this episode titled "Side Stories: Breast Friends," hosts Henry Zabrowski and Ed Larson navigate through a tapestry of bizarre friendships, sinister incidents, and unnerving anecdotes, all interwoven with their characteristic humor and insightful commentary.

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1. Introduction to Side Stories

The episode kicks off with Henry Zabrowski hinting at a reevaluation of his friendship with Ed Larson. This playful banter sets the tone for the deep-dives into unusual and often macabre tales.

Henry Zabrowski [00:28]: "That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. I think we're gonna have to reevaluate our friendship."

2. Historical Highlight: Abraham Lincoln's Friendship

Henry introduces an unexpected historical anecdote about Abraham Lincoln and his close friend William Green. The hosts explore the depth of their relationship, highlighting the unusual closeness that bordered on the affectionate.

Henry Zabrowski [01:40]: "They slept chest to chest. And these guys are best friends. Breast friends."

Ed humorously critiques Henry's own physique in comparison, adding levity to the discussion.

Ed Larson [03:28]: "You don't have perfect thighs."

3. Upcoming Event: Contact in the Desert

Shifting gears, the hosts promote the upcoming "Contact in the Desert" event in Indio Wells, blending their love for UFO phenomena with comedy. They discuss various aspects of the event, including live podcast recordings and guest comedians, promising an entertaining weekend.

Henry Zabrowski [05:31]: "We're bringing out all the stops. I'm going to be doing a live UFO mandate."

4. Annabelle's Disappearance Controversy

A significant portion of the episode focuses on the mysterious disappearance of Annabelle, the infamous doll. Henry and Ed dissect the conflicting reports and social media claims, expressing skepticism over the authenticity of evidence presented by Annabelle's representatives.

Henry Zabrowski [09:30]: "Annabelle's been kidnapped."

They critique the use of green screens and question the legitimacy of the supposed evidence, hinting at possible foul play or misinformation.

Henry Zabrowski [11:19]: "He's putting his face over the footage, which is a lie."

The conversation intensifies as they fantasize about confronting the perpetrator and speculate wildly about Annabelle's whereabouts and intentions.

Henry Zabrowski [16:20]: "Everybody come meet me there. It's gonna be me, Annabelle, the Green Lantern. We're going to take down the White House together as a team."

5. Gruesome Medical Procedures: Finger Reattachment

The hosts delve into a horrifying medical procedure known as degloving, where a man's finger is stripped of flesh. They discuss the intricate and gruesome details of reattaching fingers using belly skin grafts, injecting dark humor into a macabre subject.

Henry Zabrowski [23:50]: "He got the meat ripped off the edge of his finger. It's called degloving."

Their banter continues as they imagine absurd scenarios involving such procedures, blending shock value with comedic relief.

6. Crypto-Related Crime: Kidnapping and Torture

The episode narrates a chilling story of an Italian tourist kidnapped and tortured by a crypto trader in New York. Henry and Ed analyze the motives behind the crime, primarily centered around securing access to a crypto banking hard drive with potentially millions in assets.

Henry Zabrowski [29:34]: "Italian tourist allegedly kidnapped and tortured for weeks by a crypto trader."

They mockingly discuss the absurdity of the crime and the minimal punishment received by the perpetrator, criticizing the justice system's handling of such severe offenses.

Ed Larson [32:14]: "That is crazy. 70 dolphins... only got 30 days in jail."

7. Environmental Horror: Dolphin Slaying in Florida

Transitioning to environmental atrocities, the hosts recount the story of a fisherman in Panama City, Florida, who brutally killed and poisoned dolphins. They express outrage over the lenient punishment despite the heinous nature of the crimes.

Henry Zabrowski [54:20]: "An Italian tourist allegedly kidnapped and tortured... they gave this guy 30 days in jail for killing dolphins."

The conversation underscores the lack of severe consequences for environmental crimes, highlighting the disconnect between the severity of actions and legal repercussions.

8. Cultural Commentary: French Pizza and Cannabis

Henry and Ed engage in a tangential yet humorous discussion about the quality of French pizza and the accessibility of cannabis in France. They contrast the American and French approaches to both, using exaggerated stereotypes to fuel their comedic narrative.

Henry Zabrowski [47:27]: "Anything called French bread is American made."

They mockingly critique the authenticity of French culinary practices and the purported high cannabis consumption rates in Europe, intertwining cultural critique with humor.

9. Lincoln's Personal Life and Historical Speculations

Towards the end, Henry speculates on Abraham Lincoln's personal relationships, infusing historical figures with modern interpretations of friendships and relationships. This segment blends historical fact with fictionalized accounts, adding a layer of absurdity.

Henry Zabrowski [64:28]: "Abraham Lincoln was a man about a man... made love to that man."

10. Conclusion and Teasers for Future Episodes

The hosts wrap up by teasing upcoming episodes, including a detailed exploration of Josh Speed's love affair. They maintain their irreverent humor, hinting at more controversial and engaging content to come.

Henry Zabrowski [65:03]: "Tune in for the Josh Speed love affair."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Henry Zabrowski [01:40]: "They slept chest to chest. And these guys are best friends. Breast friends."

• Ed Larson [03:28]: "You don't have perfect thighs."

• Henry Zabrowski [05:31]: "We're bringing out all the stops. I'm going to be doing a live UFO mandate."

• Henry Zabrowski [09:30]: "Annabelle's been kidnapped."

• Henry Zabrowski [11:19]: "He's putting his face over the footage, which is a lie."

• Henry Zabrowski [16:20]: "Everybody come meet me there. It's gonna be me, Annabelle, the Green Lantern. We're going to take down the White House together as a team."

• Henry Zabrowski [23:50]: "He got the meat ripped off the edge of his finger. It's called degloving."

• Ed Larson [32:14]: "That is crazy. 70 dolphins... only got 30 days in jail."

• Henry Zabrowski [54:20]: "An Italian tourist allegedly kidnapped and tortured... they gave this guy 30 days in jail for killing dolphins."

• Henry Zabrowski [64:28]: "Abraham Lincoln was a man about a man... made love to that man."

---

Conclusion: "Side Stories: Breast Friends" is a multifaceted episode that traverses historical curiosities, contemporary crimes, and cultural critiques, all delivered with the hosts' signature blend of horror and humor. Listeners can expect a mix of shocking narratives and irreverent jokes, making for an engaging and thought-provoking listen. As always, Henry and Ed invite their audience to participate, share stories, and tune into future episodes for more unsettling tales and dark humor.

Transcript

[Henry Zabrowski]

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[Ed Larson]

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[Henry Zabrowski]

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[Ed Larson]

There's no place to escape to. This is the last on the left side stories.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. I think we're gonna have to reevaluate our friendship. Eddie.

[Ed Larson]

What happened? What are you talking about?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Because.

[Ed Larson]

Do you want to scale it back a little bit? Because I could scale it back.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I'm just saying. No, no. Unfortunately, no. We can only scale. We have to scale up. We have to scale up. But I saw these. I was reading some research for this week's episode of last podcast. On the left.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And they were talking about how Abraham Lincoln, you guys know the 16th president, he get a very, very good friend named William Green while he was in his 20s and they.

[Ed Larson]

I like to call him Billy Weed.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Bill. Billy Weeds.

[Ed Larson]

Billy.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Billy Weed. Billy Nugs. And Lincoln and him shared a cot together and they slept chest to chest each night for. For years. They slept chest to chest. And these guys are best friends. Breast friends.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Chest to chest.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Exactly. But you know, he had the true bravery to say that his best friend, Abraham Lincoln. Straight married.

[Ed Larson]

Not at that point, I don't think.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Not married. Yeah, but he said that. That he, quote, wrote in his journal that Lincoln's thighs were as perfect as a human beings could be.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, I bet he was a wrestler.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Why have you never said that about me?

[Ed Larson]

You don't have perfect thighs.

[Henry Zabrowski]

My thighs are fine.

[Ed Larson]

Best part of me they've ever been. Yeah, they're the best part of you, but they're not great.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You don't think that my thighs aren't great?

[Ed Larson]

I think Ronnie Coleman has great thighs, but I don't think that you.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, Ronnie Coleman, he worked himself into paralysis.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I won't ever do that.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I'll make sure I could jump and flit and kick and dance and tap.

[Ed Larson]

You know, honestly, I don't think I've seen your thighs in a while.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You want to?

[Ed Larson]

Sure.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Rob. Look away.

[Ed Larson]

Flex them.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, my God.

[Ed Larson]

They're good. They're fine. There's no definition.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You're my best friend.

[Ed Larson]

I am. I'm being your best friend right now. I let you take your pants off and I'm staring at your thighs. Who else is going to let you do this?

[Henry Zabrowski]

The President of the United States best friend looked at his thighs.

[Ed Larson]

Jeffrey Epstein. Yes. When he was.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Honestly, he was more like Bill Clinton. If you read the documents, Bill Clinton's on there a little bit more. Welcome to side Stories. My name is Henry Zabrowski.

[Ed Larson]

See, you have great thighs.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And before that, you get introduced Ed Larson.

[Ed Larson]

How are you doing? Yes. They look so good. They should be fried.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I'll take that.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I'm hungry.

[Ed Larson]

They're good. I'm very hungry. But we, you know, we don't eat here at last Podcast in the left. We won't. We only. We only do the news.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's it. That's all we do. And stare at the back of our World Trade center effigy that's currently sitting on the table here today that is about to make its first trip to Indio Wells for contact in the desert.

[Ed Larson]

You know, I think they should change the name to Indio Finds.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's definitely Indio Fines. But it's a. It's a nice place. It's got. Honestly, you're gonna have to come and check out what we're gonna do with this World Trade center effigy.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

This Saturday.

[Ed Larson]

Saturday night.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Coming over to Contact in the Desert in. If you're in the Los Angeles area, we are doing this wonderful, wonderful comedy of the biggest UFO weekend in the world. And it is going to get some people upset.

[Ed Larson]

Yes. Comedy goes really well in the middle of a conference hall.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It really does.

[Ed Larson]

I remember last year at the comedy show.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Wow.

[Ed Larson]

Right before I went on 3:30pm oh, yeah. They did me the favor of getting rid of all the chairs.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I remember when they said that you were like, we don't want people to be, like, hanging out. We're like, it's an Hour long show. But this year it's going to be different and you're going to see is separate from the main events. It's going to be a nighttime event and we are going to bring. We're bringing out all the stops. I'm going to be doing a live UFO mandate. We have some guest comedians like Billy Wayne Davis, one of a big friend.

[Ed Larson]

Of the show, Amber Nelson, Travis Irvine. It's going to be amazing.

[Henry Zabrowski]

We're going to have a lot of fun. And then also we're going to be doing a live. We're going to be doing a live taped podcast that. Oh. You can be a part of the live studio audience for. With Whitley Streber.

[Ed Larson]

We put headphones on everybody. Right. That's what we did last year. Are we doing that again, Rob?

[Henry Zabrowski]

I don't know. We'll see. We'll find out.

[Ed Larson]

When we did interview Dave Foley, everyone got headphones and it was a very interesting experience.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It was very intimate. It's like a silent disco. Oh, yes. But. And I believe Whitley knows this. We're going to be playing Hot Ones.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. With Whitley.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I am really excited for that. I got Pepto already.

[Ed Larson]

Great. He's going to need it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

He's going to need. To be honest, we might need a doctor.

[Ed Larson]

We were talking. Kelly said she was going to go to Wingstop. We might need to find somewhere slightly better.

[Henry Zabrowski]

What's better? I don't know.

[Ed Larson]

Wing stop's not great, but stop.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I mean it's. I mean, unfortunately it's Palm Springs. It's not Chicken Wing World.

[Ed Larson]

I know.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Side stories. LPOTL gmail.com if you're in the Palm Springs area, where do you get your chicken wings?

[Ed Larson]

I have a Margaritaville in Palm Springs. We can get them from there.

[Henry Zabrowski]

They're not as good. I mean, I'd rather have Wingstop Wingstop than Margaritaville. Very much so.

[Ed Larson]

You are being bad.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I am not bad.

[Ed Larson]

You are being bad.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No, I like a better chicken wing.

[Ed Larson]

I go, I think Margaritaville corporate office, Florida Wingstop corporate office, Dallas.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Okay.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. That's kind of how I go with that.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, I could see that. Yeah, I could see that. But still it's Palm Springs.

[Ed Larson]

I wish we had a flanigans out here.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. I mean, nothing. Every single day.

[Ed Larson]

Flan.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I pray for a flan.

[Ed Larson]

God, I love that place.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's fine.

[Ed Larson]

But you know, we're going to have a great time at contact in the desert. We're also going to be doing a bunch of interviews that are not going to be for, you know, an audience that we're going to release later on in the month.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I'm introducing Ed Larson to some true. I'm not even. I'm not gonna say the word kook.

[Ed Larson]

You just did.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I'm just saying that we're gonna meet some real members of the ufological society.

[Ed Larson]

You're there to learn.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You've only met classy people so far.

[Ed Larson]

Nick Pope. Classy, vaguely, yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And then we got the George Knapp. The most classic, the most.

[Ed Larson]

Oh my God, that hair.

[Henry Zabrowski]

High end. High, high, high end.

[Ed Larson]

God.

[Henry Zabrowski]

We're gonna see some guys or a little bit lower on the ladder, but they're going to be just as incredible as anything else. And we might get you hypnotized.

[Ed Larson]

I got to say, lower on the ladder, probably better interview because they're, you know, they're not thinking about what they say. No, and I appreciate that. I like a little loose, loosey goosey on the old lips.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Same thing. I like somebody who doesn't quite understand that the Internet is forever. That's one of my favorite attributes of someone old.

[Ed Larson]

How are we going to destroy this again? Because you set it on fire.

[Henry Zabrowski]

We're going to find out.

[Ed Larson]

I think that's a bad idea to do indoors.

[Henry Zabrowski]

We've already been told to not set it ablaze due to the problems with Michael Sedona's original World Trade center effigy burning and the issues that caused.

[Ed Larson]

So member had to put it out with Gatorade.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yep, I remember which is the most that Gatorade served its purpose. The entire weekend. I will say that that's where the last the time. That's the only place I saw electrolytes at work.

[Ed Larson]

I heard it's going to be 106 degrees.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's going to be real hot, buddy. And guess where you're going to see us. By the pool. And that's why if you wanted to have any sort of unofficial conference time with me and you're coming to contact in the desert. Bring your bathing suit. I am sick of this. We're not all just gonna be hanging inside talking. We're gonna be in the pool this year.

[Ed Larson]

I can only rub so many crystals.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I need you to come to the pool. You know, we need to be drunk in the pool. We can get into the real stuff in the pool.

[Ed Larson]

What time's the pool close?

[Henry Zabrowski]

I don't give a shit.

[Ed Larson]

Like a late night pool.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Pull me out. Yeah, you have to fish me out.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Time to go, sir.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I want that on me.

[Ed Larson]

And I was. What I Be like, I'm a bonvoy member. I'm a bonvoy member.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Which gets you anywhere. It gets you everywhere. All right, we got some updates before we get into the rest of this. Annabelle's gone. Now.

[Ed Larson]

There's a lot maybe. All right, we are. There is a lot going on here. We've gotten some tips. Thank you. For everyone who's reached out saying that Annabelle is missing. Annabelle's been kidnapped.

[Henry Zabrowski]

They're saying Annabelle is missing.

[Ed Larson]

The war in the state says no.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, because who does this benefit? The Warren estate? Because the Warren estate doesn't want to believe that the. The weird relative that they let take Annabelle out of her little protective case out into the world so that she could finally go get woke. Burn down a plantation. Yeah. Free all those prisoners. She's a full leftist anarchist renegade.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Now she's free. Oh, she's in Tifa.

[Ed Larson]

Annabelle Tifa.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, yeah. She's all about Tifa. And so she's out there. But now. So, yes, obviously, the people. The person that was responsible for Annabelle. What's his name again? This. This isn't it.

[Ed Larson]

Warren's son, whatever he is, he looks.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Like a guy that would lose Annabelle. He looks like. He looks like the competing tiger, like, zoo owner in the Joe Exotic documentary series because he's got that, like, LA hat culture thing going on. So what's his name? Rob. It's at Annabelle tour. Okay. So he's doing it through the Annabelle socials where he's saying there's no way Annabelle's gone. We. Annabelle is absolutely fine. She's not missing, was never in Chicago, is not there. Then he shows this video being. Look, here's Annabelle. It's in the occult museum, which could have been filmed at any time. All of this could have been filmed at any time. I actually, I'm watching this Cho talk. I. I think that's green screen.

[Ed Larson]

Whoa.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Tik Tok. He's. Tik tocked it. That is a green screen. Does that not look like he's in front of a green screen?

[Ed Larson]

Well, he's. He's putting his face over the.

[Henry Zabrowski]

The footage, which could have been shot. Which is a lie. This is a lie, dude.

[Ed Larson]

Instagram Live is the only way to prove this.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Put a newspaper in front of Annabelle. Because right now, as far as I'm concerned, Annabelle's on her way to the fucking White House and I'm cheering her on.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, I don't think. Yeah. That. I need proof right now. I don't have proof.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You just keep saying you want us to just believe that Annabelle's not missing. That's fine. I got messages from at least a dozen people, all connected truly within the oddities community. And if anybody knows, man, I hate to say this, fucking Annabelle representatives, but I've got my sparrows everywhere. Yeah, I've got my little spiders everywhere. And they've got the ears on spiders with ears. And they hear all your moves, dude.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, and for the record, we didn't even ask for these sparrows. No, they just come squawking.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But now I feed them little bits of seeds, little bits of rum. Seeds and rum for my sparrows because, oh, I treat them well because their eyes and their ears are open for all the information that I need.

[Ed Larson]

You know what I think happened? I think this guy hitting the road with Annabelle first time, like, because honestly, your first time hitting the road, you get a little full of yourself, get a little excited. You party too much, you party too much, you make some bad choices. I bet. Man's drunk and he's like, yeah, you can borrow Annabelle.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, sure. He's talking to some 25 year old.

[Ed Larson]

She just got to be in Illinois.

[Henry Zabrowski]

By October, where he's putting Annabelle on the shoulders of some 24 year old, like, who's going to come in and try to take over the Warren Museum. Because that's what these 24 year olds do. Now. We saw that with Bill Belichick. They're coming in there to take care of or take over our establishments. That's what we're doing here. And they're trying to get through. Look at this guy. This guy is up. No name for this guy yet.

[Ed Larson]

I don't trust him.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I mean, this guy is a target.

[Ed Larson]

I want to try.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Him out. Let's hear him out real quick. Hey, guys, this is Dan. I'm here right at the museum right now. I just want to show you guys that Annabelle is in the Warren's Occult Museum. And let's go inside and let's check cuts to footage that he's not in that could have been done at any corner. And who's there? I don't know. Annabelle. He could have recorded this over this. Annabelle's not. Now he's put himself. He's not in Chicago. Oh, all right.

[Ed Larson]

Although it looks expo.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That is a green screen dog. No way. That is it. He is putting himself in that footage. Tickets for that, you guys go to warrensconvention.com but he's still promoing the event.

[Ed Larson]

Where he says she's gonna be it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

They've replaced Annabelle Also, Annabelle's just an.

[Ed Larson]

Old Raggedy Ann doll. They. It's very replaceable.

[Henry Zabrowski]

They've replaced Annabelle and she looks brand new.

[Ed Larson]

Why doesn't she look old?

[Henry Zabrowski]

I don't know. I'm just saying. I know a lot of people say, like, you know, you don't want to fuel misinformation and shit.

[Ed Larson]

This isn't.

[Henry Zabrowski]

We're.

[Ed Larson]

We're investigating.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I honestly, I need information, side stories. LPOTL gmail.com, if Ms. Sparrows are out there, I need you to give me a bit more tweets here and there.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Because what I think is going on here is that he. Yes, I already see the situation. A 23 year old with a leather cowboy hat on and a halter top that says, hey, look at these. And she's talking to him and he's just going like, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna charge that about right now. I'm super all about protecting little women from ghosts and shit. And she's like, oh, God, this is amazing. Unbelievable. You know, I'm believing, so I'm going home with my girls. He's like, no, wait, no, I got her in her fucking cage right here. And he goes and he pulls out Annabelle.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And they're like, oh, my God. Oh, shit, he's dead.

[Ed Larson]

It's Annabelle.

[Henry Zabrowski]

He's like, hey, you want. You guys want pictures with Annabelle? And they're like, yeah, you bet. You're back. And then, like, they're all taking pictures with Annabelle. He's doing a bunch of shots and they're getting the blow job shots. They're getting all that kind of stuff going on. Annabelle's. Then they're doing karaoke.

[Ed Larson]

I'm just saying that she is in way too good of condition for being for the 60s.

[Henry Zabrowski]

This is what they said about Jill Biden. Good one. Thank you.

[Ed Larson]

Really, thank you.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But don't. Yes. The Warren, the Warren family and their museum and the Warren Occult Museum saying, oh, don't worry. Where is. No way. Annabelle is gone. But we want to see a picture of Annabelle with the fucking newspaper in front of her face. Because if not, I'm meeting her at the front steps of the Capitol building. And I invite you, Annabelle, to come with me on our brand new April. ON Brand new August 9th. Insurrection. Yep. I'm planning it now.

[Ed Larson]

August 9th.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. So everybody come meet me there. It's gonna be me, Annabelle, the Green Lantern. We're going to take down the White House together as a team. His name is Dan Rivera.

[Ed Larson]

Thank you. All right. Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, he's With Nesper. Yes, I know about Nesper. Yeah. Please.

[Ed Larson]

What's Nesper?

[Henry Zabrowski]

That is a. The New England Society for Psychic Research. I would love for them to reach out. So if you want to possibly defend yourself or wonder about, like. Because I still think. I think Annabelle's out there. I think Annabelle's gonna end up joining Doge. I don't know what's gonna happen.

[Ed Larson]

Yes. And for the record, we're not anti Annabelle.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No, I'm. Right now. I'm willing to see her out. Yeah, I kind of want to see what she does. She burned down a plantation. Was kind of fun. I got some great emails on why plantations are bad.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, really? Why are they bad in Skype?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Super bad history.

[Ed Larson]

Really?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yep. And then he brought one of those down. She freed a bunch of prisoners, which, again, largely neutral, except for the fact a lot of them were murderers and rapists.

[Ed Larson]

Well, Annabelle is partial to murderers.

[Henry Zabrowski]

She is.

[Ed Larson]

She likes murderers.

[Henry Zabrowski]

She does.

[Ed Larson]

I think there's one living inside of her. Correct?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, I think so.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Brad Dwarf.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, Pretty certain. I know, I know. I'm. I'm a Robert boy through and through, you know, But Annabelle, I'm down to hang, and if you want to, Robert, I'm your in. You want to get down like, you want to get some weird ass doll sex with Robert, come talk to me.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I just heard from the little Robert doll that you have. You just went like. Yeah, you bet.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, man. Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You better lay that pipe.

[Ed Larson]

I'm gonna turn that out.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, you bring her out here once you go, Robert, you don't go backward.

[Ed Larson]

That's right, man. She gonna need more stitches when I'm done with her.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, I'm gonna. I'm gonna make her mouth open.

[Ed Larson]

That's right.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, Robert. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Hey.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Hey.

[Ed Larson]

I know you're a sailor, but. Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Holy.

[Ed Larson]

Week.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Hey, I know you're horny as hell, but. No, this is. Yeah. Annabelle's out there and she is going to affect the stock market. And I think that is going to be one of the bigger problems that we're going to see.

[Ed Larson]

It's a regular Raggedy Ann doll. They can make these. They could be. She could be 10 places at once as far as I'm concerned.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's what I would do.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

If I was Dan Spivera. Whatever his name is.

[Ed Larson]

Why is she in such great condition if she is such a murderer?

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's a narcissist.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

They take great care of themselves.

[Ed Larson]

That's a good point.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's what happens.

[Ed Larson]

I mean, Lori Valor looks Like now.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But it's only because you can't be. It's hard to work out where she is and she's too busy.

[Ed Larson]

It's prison. That's all they do.

[Henry Zabrowski]

She literally is spending her days writing nonsense pages, long declarations and motions to this judge, this long suffering judge that is now a part of her. This is now her second trial of two within. She has had three trials and this is the. But two were back to back. So now she's still in Arizona. She's still her own representative.

[Ed Larson]

Okay.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And she's still pro se. And it's the same judge. And the judge is getting over it. You can tell the judges, oh my God.

[Ed Larson]

Just wants to go back to being a normal judge again.

[Henry Zabrowski]

So sick of dealing with things not.

[Ed Larson]

Getting solved and like case is not getting closed because she's tormenting everybody and she's just.

[Henry Zabrowski]

She's a. She's a villain. She's a literal true villain.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

She's a homicidal maniac. And looks like it looks gets more and more in hinge every day. She's trying to get. She tried to get a new trial, try to get the judge recused. She tried to do all of this stuff and she's just writing all day, just sitting in her cell like she should be working out.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Because honestly, getting swole is the new thing for chicks.

[Ed Larson]

I gotta tell you, it's crazy that I like Annabelle the doll more than Lori Vallow.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I would rather have lunch with Annabelle the doll. Yes.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Yeah. I'd sit next to a doll that's just us sitting there.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's of course it'd be much better.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Much better.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. I'd rather. Yeah, I'd rather go on a date with Annabelle.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Versus Lori Valley.

[Ed Larson]

You got to be respectful.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes.

[Ed Larson]

And don't drive on a motorcycle with your girlfriend.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I try not to. Yeah, try not to. I'm not gonna fucking double dip. You make countless decisions every day. But one of the easiest and most important decisions you can make is securing your home with Simplisafe. Traditional security systems only take action after somebody has already broken in. But Simplisafe's active guard outdoor protection can help prevent break ins before they happen because they change the criminals minds. AI powered cameras backed by live professional monitoring agents monitor your property and detect suspicious activity. And launch microscopic telepathic drones into the brains of criminals across a five mile radius of your home. If someone's looking around or acting suspiciously, you stop them dead in their tracks. Those agency and they talk to them in real time. Activate spotlights, even contact the police, all before they have a chance to get inside your home.

[Ed Larson]

Neutralize threat neutralized.

[Henry Zabrowski]

A lot of people coming in here trying to steal our thoughts, trying to steal my precious content, my precious jokes. And for those of you who even are going to try to come into my office to try to steal my. My precious ip, I'll tell you what. You just got insurance. You're not gonna make it past the front steps. Thanks to Simplisafe, your butt is nut. Visit simplisafe.com lpotl to claim 50% off a new system with a professional monitoring plan and get your first month free. That's simplisafe.com lpotl there's no safe like Simplisafe.

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[Henry Zabrowski]

Hataday Presents. In the red corner, the undisputed, undefeated weed whacker guy, champion of hurling grass and pollen everywhere. And in the blue corner, the challenger, extra strength eye drops that work all day to prevent the release of histamines that cause itchy allergy eyes. And the winner by knockout is Patterny. Bring it on.

[Ed Larson]

We have a. We have another update, which is you guys. Very interesting.

[Henry Zabrowski]

These are we talked about last week about the story of a guy who got the tip of his finger. The meat.

[Ed Larson]

Casper. Casper.

[Henry Zabrowski]

He got the meat ripped off the edge of his finger. It's called de gloving. Right. When they strip so bit into his hands. It was like we had a biter guy last week that we were covering.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And we got such horrific emails. Imagery from surgeons that have sent all of the things that you can do to fingers. What you can do to fix a finger, what you could do to pop new meat on the finger. And it. It is rough.

[Ed Larson]

It's wild.

[Henry Zabrowski]

This one right here where it shows that you could reattach the finger by attaching a lump of your belly meat. So it's like you take the. What's left of the nubbin on your finger and you make a tube out of skin from your belly and then you wrap it around the edge of that finger while you're. I guess you're sleepy.

[Ed Larson]

The bone. Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You got to be asleep for this.

[Ed Larson]

Of course, you're asleep.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Do you stay awake for it being attached, even full of stomach, but then the fingers attach to you to your own stomach so that it could grow back. Yes, but is that then.

[Ed Larson]

Well, it's.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You walk around like that like you're a teacup.

[Ed Larson]

Do you have that picture, Rob? Let me throw that picture up real quick.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, you want to look at it?

[Ed Larson]

So basically I'm looking at it right now. So basically, this guy's middle finger was stripped. The meat was stripped off, and it's just the bone. And the bone needs blood to live because the bone is also alive.

[Henry Zabrowski]

The bone is alive.

[Ed Larson]

And so what they did was they grafted a bunch of the stomach skin around this guy's finger, go down, and then they attached it to him, and while it grew back around. So he's gonna have like a weird, formless middle finger, which will be so much more insulting. I mean, honestly, when you flick it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

At somebody, I'm gonna put it this way, you can hear this, Eddie, and you probably should because you probably be with me.

[Ed Larson]

Okay.

[Henry Zabrowski]

If it goes that far, chop it off. Yeah, I don't need a. I don't need a floppy, useless finger. For aesthetic reasons, I'd rather have no finger.

[Ed Larson]

I think the finger is okay to.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Lose because then it's like you got a story. You got new ways to finger your wife. You got new. It's new feelings.

[Ed Larson]

Can't.

[Henry Zabrowski]

If it's gone well, no, then you just. Then you switch to these two.

[Ed Larson]

It's like, oh, baby, would you like less finger? But I would just try explaining that.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You mash these up in there, right? Or hitchhiker.

[Ed Larson]

Hitchhiker.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Hit her with the hitchhiker.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, okay.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No one does that. Yeah, no one ever hits her with the Roman.

[Ed Larson]

Does yours go backwards? Because if it doesn't go backwards, I'm supposed to not trust you. Okay, good. Yeah. Well, did you ever hear that if you're hit, if your thumb doesn't go backwards, you're supposed to not trust that person? Like if your thumb just goes straight up, like they're supposed to be evil.

[Henry Zabrowski]

This is stuff you learned in prison.

[Ed Larson]

This stuff my mom taught me. She said don't. Don't trust people that their thumb doesn't go backwards. She's very superstition.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Very su. Yeah, that was the whole thing my mom was doing.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah. You gotta. Yeah. So if they don't, their thumb does it. Rob, does your thumb go backwards? Let me see it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Good, good, good, good.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That goes very far back.

[Ed Larson]

We should have checked that months ago.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Before I hired you. All right.

[Ed Larson]

Well, yeah, they use leeches also to suck the blood out. If there's. If they put the meat in the blood, if they put the skin around the bone and there's no meat in there, it gets filled with blood. And the only way to get the old blood out is to have medical leeches. And sometimes you have to get special medical leeches that have to be flown in, like, organs.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Wow.

[Ed Larson]

Which is cool.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Then cuts to the leech dealers, you know, for the fact that the leech dealers have their own problems with each other. And there's better leech dealers. You know, that's like one of those funny things about, like, any form of any business slash art, where then, like, you know that there's politics in the medical leech world. Oh, well, platinum leeches is definitely. They win the award each year for best leeches. And, like, you know, they have to go to some ward contest for breeding leeches.

[Ed Larson]

These leeches only take human blood.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, yeah. These leeches.

[Ed Larson]

These are actually typo negative.

[Henry Zabrowski]

If you could just.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. If you don't mind, they're very particular.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And these leeches are raised only to take llama blood. For when we want to put leeches on a llama. That's just fun for us. Some people like to. So that's a. That's. Lily. That's. Most of this is just. There's a lot of medical information that they sent us that we're not going to read.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. We're not doctors, but apparently you can just reattach. You could tie it. You can sew it to the finger next to it sometimes. Sometimes the palm, and it'll regrow once you sew it to another part of your body. And then once it regrows, you detach it and you got a finger again.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Good Lord.

[Ed Larson]

So that's cool. That is very cool.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But it's you really. The idea. So in your own. Sewing your own finger to your hand and then letting it cook there for a while.

[Ed Larson]

I love it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Humans are crazy, man. Human. The human meat bag is a very interesting thing, and it's just important to remember that we all eventually head towards the grave.

[Ed Larson]

Yum, yum. Give me some.

[Henry Zabrowski]

All right, let's go to this story. Now. This was my favorite story of the week.

[Ed Larson]

Okay.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Natalie sent this to me originally, and then we got a bunch of emails on this. And this is just another of, like, crypto sounds rough, dog.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, yes, this one. Okay.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, Crypto sounds rough. The old days, you know, like you just keep your money in a bank. It's hard to get at people who carry their crypto around. It seems kind of. I think it seems irresponsible. If I had crypto, I'd bury it in the ground.

[Ed Larson]

I don't think you can though. You put it on a hard drive and bury the hard drive.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I guess, yeah. But I just don't even really understand. I'll never understand why you need a hard drive and why it can't just be on the cloud. Because if it's fake money anyway, but blah, blah, blah. Again, everyone's yelling at me. I don't understand economics and I never will.

[Ed Larson]

I had a meeting with a financial advisor who told me to get in the crypto and I just stopped talking to him.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes, I, my, my guy specifically said don't get into it right now.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, it seems like a bad idea.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I just don't really want to. And I don't want to get.

[Ed Larson]

Doesn't make sense. I don't have less money.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I don't need to give money to people that are like. At least sometimes when I give money to a big corporation, yes, it is to a bunch of criminals, but then I get something in return.

[Ed Larson]

I feel like when you start dealing in crypto, you start dealing with weird Internet criminals somehow, you know, and it's just like I don't trust it at all.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No, because it's, it's for grifters. But I also understand people have made quite a bit of crypto money on crypto. But I do think it was because you got in like 15 years ago.

[Ed Larson]

But also other side of it. I just thought of this.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Fudge.

[Ed Larson]

The bank.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, fuck the bank.

[Ed Larson]

Fuck the bank.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, I'm not.

[Ed Larson]

Why am I trusting the bank?

[Henry Zabrowski]

I hate the bank.

[Ed Larson]

Me more than a crypto. It hates me.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I hate both.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah, I hate both. The money's not real.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yep. No it's not. So this story is an example of when you really believe money is real. Italian tourist allegedly kidnapped and tortured for weeks by a crypto trader in swanky New York City apartment. So this guy was renting a $30,000 a month like mansion in Manhattan, which is definitely not worth it. But this Italian tourist who this guy was working with the guy that the Italian tourist went to the suspects place to visit America. Man by the name of John Waltz, who's 37, he's from Kentucky, he lived in Nolita, which is. You only call it no leader if you have money in Manhattan.

[Ed Larson]

Where is that exactly?

[Henry Zabrowski]

I couldn't even possibly care.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's one of those micro neighborhoods in Manhattan that really only exists as a. In my term, as like, essentially a real estate way of giving, of making you make money. Yeah, it's like right above of like, it's in the house scenario.

[Ed Larson]

Okay. It's basically. They don't want to. It's almost Alphabet. It's the East Village.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's Soho. Yeah, it's so and so. You could. Very, very expensive. So this guy was working with this Italian tourist, and apparently they had made a couple crypto deals before, and they had a big falling out. But then the. The Italian, like, they cut off. Worker with this guy. He's like, I don't want to work with you anymore. And somehow this suspect, John Waltz, convinced him to come back to America and say, hey, we're good. Let's do this. Cut to. He lands in America, meets up with his buddy. He then, I guess tied him to a chair, gagged him, did all this to him, like, beat the out of. He said the one thing, one interesting torture I heard that he was doing to him was that he was putting his feet in a bucket of water and tasing him because apparently it extra hurts you when you do that.

[Ed Larson]

Okay.

[Henry Zabrowski]

He also was doing a lot of stuff, like, you know, tacking his fingernails, hitting him with a hammer, hitting his knees a lot, doing that style of chainsaw.

[Ed Larson]

But he didn't use it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No. He kept going like, you're gonna give you the chainsaw, Gonna give you the chainsaw. Because the problem is, is that he couldn't give him the chainsaw because the guy had the code to his crypto banking hard drive. So the guy had his crypto banking hard drive there with him that he was trying to get. It doesn't say how much money was in it.

[Ed Larson]

It.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No, but it sounded. Might have been quite a bit. It sounded like it might have been in the millions. And the man was tortured for two weeks, but then he managed to escape. There's been no details about how he escaped yet, but it's a. That's a long time to torture somebody also.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, I mean, that's the thing.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Especially that pro rate.

[Ed Larson]

I don't want to be this kind of guy, but Italians are going to escape.

[Henry Zabrowski]

They're slippery.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah, They're. They're going to get out of there.

[Henry Zabrowski]

They just.

[Ed Larson]

That's all you have, like a professional, like, like prison. Prison. Italians are getting out.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Unless you put his mother in there with him, he's gonna leave. Breaking news. We have a second Suspect arrested in the crypto kidnapping torture case as of 11:30 this morning. Oh, wow. There was a guy that was with him that he. I guess he did. He turned himself in as well. William Duplessis has scored.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, he's rolling.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Look at that guy.

[Ed Larson]

That's a roller right there. He's rolling on his. Dude, he's. Yeah, he's like.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, yeah. He's gonna. I'm gonna go go fix this for myself.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And that's always the key, guys. I. I'll never say this enough to my. To our crew. Always flip first.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

If you're talking.

[Ed Larson]

If you're gonna flip, don't wait.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Don't wait. Yeah, yeah. Either flip or don't flip immediately. Just remember this. I also want to say, like, every single time you believe that some other criminal is going to honor the bond amongst criminals and they're going to do things in a way to protect you, remember that. That's not going to happen.

[Ed Larson]

No ever.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Anybody who's also a criminal, it's going to be a criminal. So you're a criminal, They're a criminal. You're both independent criminals, even if you're on the same team. Just not just how it works.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Also I want to say waltz. When they arrested him, they arrested him in his bathrobe and he. Perp walked him outside of his fancy apartment and his.

[Henry Zabrowski]

His penis.

[Ed Larson]

His dick came out. Yeah. It's kind of funny. And everyone. That's all TMZ saying about the story.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's all they're saying. I will say though, like, I. I don't understand why. Like, I've never been. Unless I'm out of a shower, if I'm in the robe, I'm at least in my underwear.

[Ed Larson]

Can I ask you a question about kidnapping, hypothetically?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Sure.

[Ed Larson]

So you. You have someone kidnapped in your house for two weeks?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. Yep. What hassle.

[Ed Larson]

What are you feeding them? You got to feed him something if you want to keep them alive.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I mean, I probably. To be honest, I'd probably feed him well, cuz I want him farting and. And everywhere.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah. Let him in his own sitting. His own.

[Henry Zabrowski]

So I'd probably give him a nice couple, like an egg white omelette in the morning.

[Ed Larson]

Well, that's not a shitty. You. That's good. I mean you.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's what I'm saying. Keeping him healthy. I'd probably give him a nice Caesar salad for lunch. Probably order Caesar salad.

[Ed Larson]

You don't want to give him a fork? No, you don't want to give him a fork salad.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You gotta eat it horse style.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah. Or put it in a wrap. Caesar salad wrap.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Maybe you could use a wrap as a weapon.

[Ed Larson]

You think so? I don't know.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I'm just saying I'd rather see meat over bowl with his face then. Because it's my kidnapping.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And then later on, I mean, some nice chicken.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Again, this is if I'm cooking. If it's my house. It's also in a place like this. Probably got a wonderful kitchen.

[Ed Larson]

Know what I'd get? I would just get what I get. And then probably an appetizer, too. And just. He can have whatever's left.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Wow.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

See, I want to keep them fed.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Oh, no, man, that's good. That's good eating. I eat plenty. I probably eats.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

I get whatever falls out of your mouth. And I get something else down the side so she can have something.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's how it always is. Natalie does. Also doesn't eat.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's how it goes.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. What are you gonna do? I don't know. Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But, yeah, I would take good care of him.

[Ed Larson]

You gotta take good care of him.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Because again, I'm trying, at least past first week, I'm trying to get the password.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. So for a while, like, you could smack a guy all you want, but they always said this with the extreme torture techniques, or what do they call advanced torture techniques, is that it just makes somebody say anything.

[Ed Larson]

Know what you do? Get a wire stripper, strip the finger, sew it to his belly.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Whoa. Cool.

[Ed Larson]

You're like, this is.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's healing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Larson]

If you want me to sew your bone to your belly. So you build a finger, you have to show them the diagrams we got.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And then you could just see in the middle of me just going like, I don't know what I'm doing.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

There is blood everywhere.

[Ed Larson]

This a nice apartment, but this whole.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Thing fell apart pretty quickly. And the Italian guy does look like. How do you put it? He looks like a little crypto man. Little crypto men are everywhere. The little crypto man with their little haircuts and their tiny mouths. And there's something about them with their V neck. V neck shirts everywhere. That costs like $350, but it just could be a Hanes shirt as far as you're concerned.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I just will never understand.

[Ed Larson]

Crypto is, like the way to make money. If you are just independently wealthy and never have any experience, you know, no proper education.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, it Seems like it's another way to make a lot of money quickly if you know all of the people involved and you have to be a part of one of these, like, rug bowl things.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. And if you like crypto, good for you.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I mean, yeah, teach me.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Or, you know what? Keep it to yourself.

[Henry Zabrowski]

We've had it explained. We've had it explained multiple times. I talked about this in the show every single time, and people try to explain it, and I just. I just don't care.

[Ed Larson]

I get it. I understand the concept, but I don't like it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, it's just new money. It's just other money.

[Ed Larson]

Also, thank God NFTs bombed.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh. I mean, they're still amazing. That dumb still pops up.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, God. I was just like, what a waste. He jerks. Listen, sorry about that, everyone. I just get so mad when it comes to useless money stuff. Listen, there's a. We had another police. Another prison break.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, great.

[Ed Larson]

This guy. This guy's very interesting. It's not a long story, but.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Okay.

[Ed Larson]

All right, so. But this guy, former police chief, serving for murder and rape sentences, escaped from an Arkansas prison. This dude looks terrifying.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I just don't even understand how the.

[Ed Larson]

So he dressed up like a police guard, but not a police guard. They don't know how he got or made this outfit. Obviously, he's an ex police chief. I imagine he had some help and.

[Henry Zabrowski]

He definitely had some form of connections to.

[Ed Larson]

But he just kind of walked out wearing this outfit.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I'll never understand guys within the police force helping, like, this level of crime. Like, I could see if you're doing a financial crime or if you're something else. Like, he probably got something on him, but it's just like the idea of wanting to help a rapist is. Is the. The lowest form of like. Like the. The brotherhood in blue. Like, so you're. You're fine that he raped somebody?

[Ed Larson]

Like, it's weird. You got 30 years for the murder, 50 for the rape. Rape?

[Henry Zabrowski]

What guys? Well, I mean, that's actually weirdly refreshing. But it's also probably how serious whatever the.

[Ed Larson]

The attack was, it was in 1997. There isn't much information on it, but the man's name is Grant Harding. He's a big, scary kingpin looking.

[Henry Zabrowski]

He does look like.

[Ed Larson]

I don't know, he's like, apparently taken. They call him the devil in the Ozarks. He's a very scary dude. He was police chief for a couple of months and then immediately got locked up for murder and rape.

[Henry Zabrowski]

See, it's like he became. I mean, I guess that's what it takes, you know, look at people like Selena Gomez. They make it, but they.

[Ed Larson]

So they. So you're comparing this man to Selena Gomez?

[Henry Zabrowski]

I'm just saying mediocre people make it to the top all the time. Really?

[Ed Larson]

You think she's mediocre?

[Henry Zabrowski]

She's the definition of mediocre.

[Ed Larson]

Really?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes. She's a baby face. Yeah, she can. She manages to stand between Steve Martin and Martin Short, two of the most entertaining people on the face of the planet. I was wondering where this was coming. Yeah, she's wonderful. She's fine in it it. But she's only because she's next to those guys, I feel like she doesn't.

[Ed Larson]

You know, I like her for the record, but I feel like she doesn't move her mouth when she talks.

[Henry Zabrowski]

She has a. She looks like the. Remember in Muppets Christmas Carol. You remember the Ghost of Christmas Past. Do you remember what I'm talking about? That's what she looks like.

[Ed Larson]

The little doll girl. Yes. The sleepy doll ghost girl.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes. But I know she's like 40 now, but she still looks like a child. 40?

[Ed Larson]

She's not 40.

[Henry Zabrowski]

She's something.

[Ed Larson]

She's. I'd hate to break it to you. She's not your age. She's always. She's younger than you.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Everyone's either 40.

[Ed Larson]

She got. What is he, 32?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, it's the same.

[Ed Larson]

No, it's not. It's much different. It's much different. She's 10 years younger than you, so deal with that.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Hey, no, I don't mind. I think she's beautiful.

[Ed Larson]

She is beautiful.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I'm not saying anything that she's gorgeous. I would say she's mediocre.

[Ed Larson]

She's talented and beautiful.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I'm saying she reminds me of this sheriff. Sheriff that was accused that was convicted of murder and rape.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And that isn't broken out of jail. That's all I'm saying.

[Ed Larson]

6 foot 5, 320 pounds.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I'm just comparing her to stardom.

[Ed Larson]

How the same is hiding anywhere by the way is blowing is blowing my mind. It's because Gigantic booger, he's in our.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Because he's in Arkansas on the. And half of them look like that.

[Ed Larson]

They said he's taken to the woods and eventually he's going to run out of supplies. And it's hard. It's hard. Where the land that he's taken to. He's like Rambo. They say it's very rocky and they can't get up there. They can't get the dogs up there.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But I feel like he's a very. How do I put this unathletic version of Rambo? I don't think he's, like, sitting up there being like, once this last bush is done last. When I take the city myself, once I'm done with this last Schlitz.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. But a lot of people turned on him, and so. And they're very scared that he's gonna come.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, He's a murderer, rapist, and a former sheriff dude.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. He's a dangerous man.

[Ed Larson]

He's a sheriff. Oh, yeah. And he did it to a teacher, too, which is always the worst. But, you know, and there was a documentary about him in 2023, the devil and the now they get to make another episode. Isn't that nice?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Hollywood wins again. Hollywood comes out on top one last time. We did it, guys. I just want to talk about this next little topic because I just want to rail on this for a little bit because we're already in kind. You and I are in a bit of a uncle mode anyway.

[Ed Larson]

Yes, absolutely.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Let's just continue.

[Ed Larson]

Let's lose some more fans.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Let's just stay in there today. Listen, we got a lot going on. I just need.

[Ed Larson]

Any time you say anything that's really upsetting, just touch the World Trade center effigy. Thankful.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I'm sorry.

[Ed Larson]

I'm very sorry.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I'm sorry. I wish you were still there.

[Ed Larson]

We used to do that in the roastwriter room. Whenever someone said a joke that was, like, way too awful, you just touch the table and say, apologize, I'm sorry. And then I've always forgiven. And then you move on.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Because you have to. Got to get it back. I'm sorry. Sorry. I'm. I'm sorry. If Selena Gomez nation comes after me, guess who's also absolutely mediocre. Taylor Swift. Whoa. Yes.

[Ed Larson]

You know what?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. Fighting words.

[Ed Larson]

I'll touch this for you.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Fighting words. Taylor Swift.

[Ed Larson]

Tower one for Taylor. Tower two for Selena.

[Henry Zabrowski]

The only thing Taylor Swift could be good for this world is if she snuck her way into the White House and made some good decisions by pretending to be a fan of some people within the administration. Get in there. There. Take them out one by one. Then I will tell you honestly, then I'm a fan.

[Ed Larson]

You know who the new Taylor Swift is? Kendrick. Kendrick took it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

He's great.

[Ed Larson]

He took it from her.

[Henry Zabrowski]

What?

[Ed Larson]

Just the biggest act in the world.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, but Kendrick's a far better artist than Taylor Swift.

[Ed Larson]

Of course. But he took it. That's what I'm saying. He's the new. He. He took over. She had the ERAs tour. Now his tour with SZA is way bigger. I couldn't afford it. Yeah, I really wanted to go, and I just couldn't. It was like thousands. I was like, really? I just. I can't even.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You know how. We'll get in there, man.

[Ed Larson]

Break the bank. It's over.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No, no. I know how we get into the next one. Let's go find the next one. We're gonna battle Mike our way in there. Whoa. We're gonna wrap our way into the concert.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, my God. Should we?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Hey there. Hey. What do you say? I don't think Kendrick is not that gay.

[Ed Larson]

We're workshopping.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, for you, Kendrick. You better watch, because my incendiary taking your lifestyle is gonna go viral. Oh, Mr. Kendrick, you give me the ick. I wish you could get yourself sick.

[Ed Larson]

God damn, that's hot.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, yeah. Mr. Kendrick, I think you're lame. I saw the old pants. What are you, a dame?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Honey mustard.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Chicken nugget. Chicken nugget. We are going to get in this concert. Eddie, he's going to be so impressed by us. Our lambasting him with words and. And rhymes and guppies that he is going to put us directly on stage.

[Ed Larson]

You're bro.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Coming for you. Kendrick Lamar. We're next. All right. You're not like us. You're not like us.

[Ed Larson]

You ain't like me.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Shots fired. See if we get on. See what Charlotte Ming the God has to say about that. Yeah, we're gonna be. They're gonna put us on. What was that? What's the show? The Breakfast Club.

[Ed Larson]

Breakfast Club.

[Henry Zabrowski]

We're gonna go down. We're talking. Talk some sense these fools.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But over lunch.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes, please. We could tear her away from her.

[Ed Larson]

I don't like to get up that early.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Rise from your grave.

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[Henry Zabrowski]

Now, I want to talk about this because let's just stay in this place because I just want to. I want to complain about this one thing.

[Ed Larson]

All right?

[Henry Zabrowski]

French pizza chef accused of killing man before dismembering and cooking body parts in pot of vegetables. Now. Wow. I just flip this. First of all, this French pizza chef, right? He confessed to killing a six year old man in his isolated home. This is the saddest thing I've ever seen. He ran this thing, he ran a French Italian whatever restaurant called Don Filippo in. And this variant, what a wonderful Italian sounding place. It's in the Saint Sernine Siroche, France.

[Ed Larson]

First of all, the village of Brusque.

[Henry Zabrowski]

If you tell me you're some kind of French pizza maker, I'm gonna tell you. Get the out of my face.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, okay.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Because you're some kind of fancy ass French ass pizza faker. That's what I'm calling you. Pizza faker. Yeah, okay. Because guess what's not French pizza? And guess what's dumber than your French ass? Try to make pizza in the world.

[Ed Larson]

What is it, Henry?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Killing a man in his isolated home to steal his weed?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That is literally why he killed this man. God.

[Ed Larson]

And people say weed's not addictive.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It is. But weeds not that hard to get.

[Ed Larson]

In France it might be. I don't know. In France, it's got to be easy. They love smoking.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I've seen it. I've seen. I smelt it. When we Were in Paris.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I smelled it all on these Strats, you know?

[Ed Larson]

But how. I mean, how stone, do you think you got to get to eat French pizza?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, maybe that's the problem, I guess. Oh, wow. So cannabis is not legal in France, but that doesn't mean anything. Weed still, like, easy to get. You have all the French rappers and stuff wearing their tube hats and stuff.

[Ed Larson]

Stuff.

[Henry Zabrowski]

French rappers are the weirdest.

[Ed Larson]

You see the French president, or premier, whatever the he is, prime minister, fight with his wife. Yeah. He got hit by his wife. Slapped him.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But she's like 30 years older than him. It's like a teacher thing.

[Ed Larson]

She's older than him?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

And she hit him.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, it was. He said they were being sexy.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's French.

[Ed Larson]

In front of everybody French.

[Henry Zabrowski]

They can hit each other.

[Ed Larson]

I don't know. Well, he.

[Henry Zabrowski]

She.

[Ed Larson]

He can't hit her.

[Henry Zabrowski]

He can't hit her on the face.

[Ed Larson]

No.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And then she can hit him, I guess. Yeah, but babies can smoke milk.

[Ed Larson]

Yes. Babies.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Now you're looking at French bread.

[Ed Larson]

Pizza.

[Henry Zabrowski]

French bread. American French bread we made.

[Ed Larson]

It's so stupid.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Anything called French bread is American made.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

All right. Because guess what they call bread. Yeah. What do they call, guess what they call bread in France? Bread. And guess what? Over there. Yeah. It doesn't look like that.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I had. I had it over there. It's nicer over that. I had their sandwiches and pears. French sandwiches were good.

[Ed Larson]

Ham and cheese. Croissant.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That was good. I got a croissant. I even had a baguette. Well, I did it just like those little big titted French girls where I went to the. I went to the. The.

[Ed Larson]

Are you trying to say big titted French girls don't like croissants?

[Henry Zabrowski]

No, I'm saying I was like those big titted French girls where I went to the little wagon and I saw a man with a big mustache, and he was like, much of your wife. And I was like, you don't have enough to buy my wife. Wife. And then I went and I bought him then. But then he kind of showed me he might have enough, and I was like, no, no, no. And then he went and bought. And then I bought like a sandwich just off a cart.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And it was absolutely. It was just like. I felt like. What's her name? Madeline.

[Ed Larson]

Madeline from the.

[Henry Zabrowski]

The children's books. Oh, I feel like Madeline. I wouldn't have got a Niclaire. And I just like I did with Rob. I Full on Jenna Jameson. The nclair. In the streets of Paris.

[Ed Larson]

Well, that's how you're supposed to do it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, dude. Yeah, Don no chew.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, no chew. Yeah, swallow that.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. I felt like little Meline with my yellow hat and I got my big old baguette with ham and cheese in it and I was like, oh, it's a pee. Pee Wee. Pee pee.

[Ed Larson]

I remember that chick.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, dude, she was annoying as.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, get a smaller hat.

[Henry Zabrowski]

She was always getting into issues.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Get some parents.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, honestly, with Meline, too, it's like, you better be careful you're not getting trafficked out in France, dude.

[Ed Larson]

Hey, man. So these guys.

[Henry Zabrowski]

This guy killed this old man literally to steal his wife.

[Ed Larson]

Weed. That's up.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And I think partially it's because he is so up by being a French pizza chef and that knowing that that's fake and it's bad and it's stupid.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And obviously people are going to attack me, but I will take that because I looked at the pizza in Paris. All right? I was in Paris. I looked at the pizza. It looked bad.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It was just hanging out.

[Ed Larson]

I remember French bread pizza was given to me. Me as. As a lie when I was a child.

[Henry Zabrowski]

French bread pizza was fine when you were a child, but it's for child's palate.

[Ed Larson]

Well, the thing is, it was when I was a fat boy and Weight Watchers would make the frozen French pizza. I remember my mom.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I know.

[Ed Larson]

Feed it to me all the time.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Exactly what you said.

[Ed Larson]

It's like, there's no way this frozen French bread pizza is making me lose weight.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Dude. We used to go through. It was the same.

[Ed Larson]

They would just give us piles of spaghetti and tell us it was Weight Watchers.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I remember this.

[Ed Larson]

It was.

[Henry Zabrowski]

We went through all of that.

[Ed Larson]

We also seen Alfredo and it's like.

[Henry Zabrowski]

The worst world snack. Wells cookies. I would just take down a sleeve of those snacks.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I'm on a bit of a diet. So we're switched to the diet cookie. Can we look up what's the best. Best pizza restaurant in France.

[Ed Larson]

Look at this pizza. That's him.

[Henry Zabrowski]

This is the murderer.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, that's it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, yeah. Well, yeah. This looks terrible.

[Ed Larson]

There's hardly any cheese on it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Don't put like. You know what it is is that if you call your egg par. Eggplant parm cheese and arine pizza, lose me.

[Ed Larson]

I. I will say, looking at this man, he does need weed. Like, he does need someone. Like, honestly, like, someone needs to get this man some weed.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I'm looking this up. Just the old Fashioned Internet. Is weed hard to get in Paris? In Paris, yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Well, he's not in Paris. He's in a little village.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's all close. There's biggest states.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

All right. That's the thing about Europe, we forget each one of their whole countries is the biggest estate. They could drive anywhere. Right. So whatever, dude. Yeah. All right. So it's weed legal in France. France has the highest cannabis consumption in Europe.

[Ed Larson]

Okay, that makes sense.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That is what they're saying. That's over six months.

[Ed Larson]

Yes, well, there's more of them though, than in Amsterdam. Yeah. Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes. But look at this. Why in the living are you not having free ass legal weed in France?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Who. Does anyone other than the Dutch have legal weed in Europe?

[Henry Zabrowski]

I believe the Germans, maybe.

[Ed Larson]

No, they're strict.

[Henry Zabrowski]

They're not though. Germans are extremely liberal.

[Ed Larson]

Really?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Germans are technically. German society is perfect right now.

[Ed Larson]

I mean, if you smoke weed in Germany, would you have to like wrap it in leather and beat the out of it?

[Henry Zabrowski]

I think that's how you get the weed.

[Ed Larson]

Weed, yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I think you have to do that to a big German man.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But I think that weed is it. Yeah. Germany countries, Netherlands, Germany, Malta and Luxembourg all have legal cannabis consumption.

[Ed Larson]

I mean, that's a advertisement right there.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Germany's. I mean, we love Germany, but I mean, Berlin is the place that we went to that I felt. I felt the least cool I'll ever be.

[Ed Larson]

Well, man, I'd love to be stoned there. That sounds great.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It was. It was awesome.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

So this is what I'm saying. This guy didn't have to go that far to get weed. He didn't have to kill you. You never. I'm just going to. We can put this out there. You never have to kill for weed.

[Ed Larson]

You don't have to kill for weed.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Kill for crypto. That I understand.

[Ed Larson]

That other guy didn't even kill for crypto.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No. Because he couldn't. Because he needed a password.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. You know what? You don't kill for fish. Zachary Barfield. I'm mad at this guy. Well, this story, he's a fisherman.

[Henry Zabrowski]

This story's brutal.

[Ed Larson]

It's brutal. But like, this guy, he's a fisherman from Panama City and he just got 30 days in jail for killing dolphins. He's. And he runs charters off of.

[Henry Zabrowski]

He hear this again. 30 days in jail.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

For openly shooting dolphins in front of children with a shotgun.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Taking his shotgun out into the water, shooting dolphins in the head like he's fucking Travis Bickle.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Over the water. And he went out there, he literally. Because he was mad that they were eating the snapper supper.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. He was fishing and he would catch a fish and then the dolphin would eat the fish that he caught. And I don't know how often this really happens. I mean, come on. Like. But they're saying that he also poisoned a bunch of dolphins and he poisoned up to 70 dolphins. This guy. He would put in. He would stick methanol into bait fish and then throw them at dolphins when he saw them. And he'd get them to eat it and it would. It would. It was a. It's a toxic pesticide that acts. That acts against the nervous system of humans, mammals, and other animals. Yeah. And so this guy, he's killing up to 70 dolphins, and they gave in Panama City, Florida, which is a bad place.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's bad.

[Ed Larson]

I. You know me, I love Florida. Yes, Panama City's garbage. And. But he. 30 days.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's just crazy. 70, 30 days.

[Ed Larson]

You shoot one dolphin in front of children, more than a month, you know.

[Henry Zabrowski]

More than a month, we'll have the kids reaction, react.

[Ed Larson]

If they were like, oh, thanks, another one. Yeah, there's another one over there.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's the thing. The difference is that if the kids are all like, yay, yay. Now kill my dad. Like, that's different. Like if they were all ready to go. Like, that's what's hard. If the kids asked for it.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Hey, mister, have you ever used a shotgun?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, he was shotgun all the goddamn time.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But nest, have you ever used it on the ocean?

[Ed Larson]

Oh, yeah. When the dolphins come in here and they start eating my snapper. Hold on, there's one right now.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Bam. That's the funnest day I've ever had. Ever since I was let out of the orphanage for killing all the teachers.

[Ed Larson]

God damn it. Someone get that kid some binoculars.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, I want to see his guts. Shoot it in the dick. Ah, that makes sense. Florida killing dolphins. Oh, that's why he was. Well, that was. What he got was $51,000 in fines.

[Ed Larson]

That's still not even a thousand dollars a dolphin.

[Henry Zabrowski]

They just don't care.

[Ed Larson]

That's still not even that much. They don't care about Gulf of Mexico. We're limited. There's oil spills.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's Florida. The measles. Measles are killing the children. They are. Literally. It is. Ray, I want to say. It's raining fire.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

They don't care about the dolphins.

[Ed Larson]

70 of the most beautiful creatures in the ocean.

[Henry Zabrowski]

They don't care about the dog.

[Ed Larson]

Gave this guy 30 days. That's crazy.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Dolphins. Are you ready for this? You kill a dolphin, you should be in longer than if you kill a dog. That's what I think. I think dolphins should be one of the highest sentences you can get for killing an animal.

[Henry Zabrowski]

See, I put them all in the same bracket, but I only want. I put above all of them is a chimpanzee.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, absolutely.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I think of you. If you strangle a bonobo, it depends on how you do it.

[Ed Larson]

Bonobo is a different.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Bonobo is the closest to human society.

[Ed Larson]

I thought that was a MacArthur top.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No.

[Ed Larson]

Okay.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, bonobo is the closest.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's the closest. Right.

[Ed Larson]

They're tiny.

[Henry Zabrowski]

They are, but they're the closest. The closest to us at our brain power. Right. So I think that if you were to kill it, also, if you were to kill a bonobo in a way, like stabbing it to death or doing it in, like, an arm bar or something like that, you should also get more.

[Ed Larson]

Yes, of course. Of course. I don't think it matters the way you kill it as much as you know, as much as you're just doing it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I feel like they choose should.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Just funner for the jury.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, yeah, it's funner for the jury. Oh, you lit him on fire. You didn't strangle them. So we're gonna have to give you two years if you strangle them. We'd give you one.

[Henry Zabrowski]

See, fire is different. Fire is different. How did you not get, like, the maximum punishment? Because you probably know some punishment.

[Ed Larson]

I can't read that.

[Henry Zabrowski]

One year in jail for violation, $100,000 in fines, and one year in jail.

[Ed Larson]

He should get 70 years in jail. Call 1-877-WHALE HELP to fucking register your complaints. This is fucked up. Like, I really think this is crazy.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Also. It's Florida, buddy.

[Ed Larson]

He should be. They should take his fucking boat. He should never be allowed in the ocean.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's the most corrupt state.

[Ed Larson]

And also it's one of the most corrupt areas. Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

So it is not a. It's. They don't care. They don't care about humans. Why would they care about the dolphins?

[Ed Larson]

I feel like if it was in a different county, this guy would have gotten, like. If this was down in Key West. Key West. They'll lock you up for more than a shift for just taking too many conch shells.

[Henry Zabrowski]

My father was attacked so brutally by a pit bull.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

In his neighborhood. And the cops did nothing. You think they're gonna. This is the most they'll do. This is literally the most they will do because it is happened.

[Ed Larson]

If you didn't shoot the dolphin in.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Front of children or unless the kids were the ones that were into it.

[Ed Larson]

It.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And then again it probably was just because they were mad that he was wasting bullets.

[Ed Larson]

Elementary school children. They were elementary school. It was hard. Even high school kids, not even middle school.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I weirdly think though, if I was in elementary school watching it, I would have been like, wow. Yeah, yeah, get it again.

[Ed Larson]

I feel like middle school I would have been like that. There was a couple rough years for me in middle school where I was very anti people being alive and I'm glad I got past that. But weed really helped me explore my empathy. But.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But you really, you have done it, Eddie, and you have grown and you have changed.

[Ed Larson]

Yes, yes. But yeah. $51,000 fine and 30 days in jail. It's almost worth it for this guy to keep doing it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Maybe he likes it.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, maybe.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You mean, who knows?

[Ed Larson]

The Japan. Join the COVID Get, get, you know, do it, do it right.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. Get paid to do it. Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Larson]

To get out of America.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That makes sense.

[Ed Larson]

Support this guy.

[Henry Zabrowski]

They're going to. I think they're going to import more of them, unfortunately. This is what we like.

[Ed Larson]

Do we have any?

[Henry Zabrowski]

I don't know. I have one letter. It's too long.

[Ed Larson]

It's too long. Is there a shorter way? There's plantation houses.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's all just saying they're bad.

[Ed Larson]

Of course they're bad.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yep.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Why would. Yeah. Why would they not be bad?

[Henry Zabrowski]

But they're just obviously.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, of course they're bad.

[Henry Zabrowski]

We have a feeling. Yeah, they're. No one's happy about them.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. All right.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Nobody. But they used to be around more often and a lot of them have left a.

[Ed Larson]

But I think my question was, can we build new ones?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, you can, but there the, the idea is that the letters I received said the issue really is that also the style of home that it is is considered like a colonial. It's considered European style of home. And it was considered a tribute to the glorious days of the powerful white man in Europe.

[Ed Larson]

I mean that's all Europe is to this day.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Depends on the country. It depends on the country. And also that's why it's like it's just getting the land. Plantation home. And then I just think I love going to Solvang.

[Ed Larson]

Little Dutch town, windmills, Adorable.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I think as long as you just keep saying I'm sorry, it should be okay.

[Ed Larson]

You also can't just build a different style house and. Yeah, fine.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I do. I do. Look. One that looks like a ufo.

[Ed Larson]

I just. Yeah, but it's still like, I gotta say, wraparound porch.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I mean, that's the only thing.

[Ed Larson]

The wraparound porch. That's all I really like about total wraparound porch. I mean, that's like when you know you've made it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Or like that thing in New Orleans homes when you go through and they have like the middle part that's outside.

[Ed Larson]

Love this.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's one of my favorite things. An inner courtyard in there.

[Ed Larson]

It's like so cool.

[Henry Zabrowski]

So cool.

[Ed Larson]

It really is cool. And again, you just got that kind of money. Is that a ufo?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. This isn't Palm Springs. We should get this next year. You can rent this. I actually looked into renting this UFO home for a. The whenever. Like some vacation. The problem though is that it's got very bad air conditioning and it really just looks cool.

[Ed Larson]

Okay.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Go in the winter.

[Ed Larson]

Go in the winter. UFO home.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Very warm in there.

[Ed Larson]

It would be fun to do during contact, though.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It would be. Honestly. It's available for contact to come check it out. Contacting the desert. You can stay in the weekend in a. An extremely expensive ufo.

[Ed Larson]

Hold on, on. It's available for contact?

[Henry Zabrowski]

It might be.

[Ed Larson]

How is the UFO home? Not taken.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It might be. I mean, I might be wrong. It's taken.

[Ed Larson]

It's taken. I was gonna say, if someone is not staying in the UFO home during contact, then the whole festival's a sham.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It better be George Knapp and Jeremy Corbell. Breast friends.

[Ed Larson]

Breast friends. They just sleep chest to chest. They have on a tiny cot.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's what people don't understand. They do sleep in the bed together. Yeah, but it's not so sexual.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, and I'm surprised you brought up a William Green and not Josh Speed.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I want to save Josh Speed for our episode.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, okay. Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That was his real boyfriend.

[Ed Larson]

Yes. Yeah. Tune in for the Josh Speed love affair.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Abraham Lincoln was a man about a man.

[Ed Larson]

Complicated morals.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No, not morals. Just. He had a complicated life. He live every day.

[Ed Larson]

He loved the man who owned slaves. It's.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You know, but it was. He loved the man who owned slaves. Oh, and then he loved the. The man who owned slaves. It wasn't just the ninja. Say he's a slave owner. There was a man in there.

[Ed Larson]

Okay.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And George and Abraham Lincoln made sweet love to that man. His mouth, his butt. And honestly, you could live every day being like a president, you know, I mean, have your wife, have your Best friend lover. Be best friends with somebody and best friends with them at the same time.

[Ed Larson]

He's a tall strong man with perfect thighs. You can split my rails any day.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Love getting absolute having your butt handed to you by an old friend. And then laugh knowing it's just another funny story to tell all the guys down at the VFW about how you Abraham Lincoln, slimer from Ghostbusters all had a full on gay ass orgy. But it doesn't make you gay because of how much you love this country.

[Ed Larson]

Back then they had VAWs, Veterans of American wars because it was a civil war.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But I don't know if they had it by then.

[Ed Larson]

No, they probably didn't. I'm just saying if they did, it was the American war that they would have been celebrating because other than that it's the War of 1812 and what's.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Civil about or nothing.

[Ed Larson]

Another goddamn thing.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You already made this.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, you already did. We did a whole episode about it, but they haven't heard it yet. No, actually comes out on Friday this week.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Y' all here. So it's about the assassination Rape. I'm looking. If you didn't know, did you know.

[Ed Larson]

It was actually Lee Harvey Oswald? Yeah, crazy. His time traveler.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Wait, do you get to episode four? You're gonna love it. Go to the patreon.com lastpodcastlef and you can watch us yell and do all of that and all that shenanery. And you can see us also perform live every Tuesday for our stream. Last stream on the Left. Every Tuesday, 6pm PM PST. You can go and see us flap them gums. And it's only through the Patreon. And also just know nothing's changing about the stream.

[Ed Larson]

Nothing about Last stream on the left.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Nothing's changing. My last stream on the left. It's saying exactly the same. We're going to have a bigger announcement about our next couple years of here at lpn. Yeah, we're going to be doing our keynote amendment commencement speech this Wednesday.

[Ed Larson]

23.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes. It's going to be coming out today when this episode comes out. So you'll see me and you can talk to me and I asking me questions and that's going be our YouTube.

[Ed Larson]

How many fans you think we lost today?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, the weak ones.

[Ed Larson]

The weak ones, yes. Not you.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Never you.

[Ed Larson]

World Trade Cent.

[Henry Zabrowski]

World War, Trade center effigy. You get our content.

[Ed Larson]

I'm so sorry you have to die next week.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I can't wait to kill. You should take it in the pool. Oh, we will.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, what a good idea.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's a great idea. Never got to go. It never got to go in the pool.

[Ed Larson]

It never did.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Wow, that's cute.

[Ed Larson]

But now it is. Pools.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Come out. Check more of that in contact with the desert coming this weekend. All right. Bye.

[Ed Larson]

Bye. Hail the World Trade Center.

[Sponsor]

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[Scott Aukerman]

The Podcast, the promo and in 30 seconds I'm going to tell you why you should check out the show. I, the host Scott Aukerman have a light hearted conversation with famous celebrities like Jon Hamm, Alison Williams, Phoebe Bridgers, Jason Alexander, Natasha Leone, Bob, Odin Peregrine, just to name a few things. Go a little off the rails when different eccentric characters and oddballs drop by to be interviewed as well. Each week is a blend of conversations and character work from your favorite comedians as well as some new hilarious voices. Comedy Bang Bang the Podcast Listen every Monday wherever you get your podcasts.