Side Stories: CrimeWave at Sea w/ Sinisterhood

Summary

Last Podcast on the Left: Side Stories – CrimeWave at Sea w/ Sinisterhood

Release Date: November 5, 2025
Host(s): Henry Zabrowski & Ed Larson (Last Podcast Network)
Guests: Heather McKinney & Christy Wallace (Sinisterhood)

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Episode Overview

This spirited and irreverent live episode finds Henry Zabrowski and Ed Larson teaming up with Heather McKinney and Christy Wallace of Sinisterhood while both shows cruise the open ocean. The group deep-dives into notorious true crime cases at sea (Amy Bradley and the infamous “poop cruise”), bizarre fun facts about cruise ship life, black humor about death, and the dangerous allure of buffets. The tone is playful, morbid, and raucously self-deprecating — classic for fans of both Last Podcast and Sinisterhood.

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Main Themes and Key Discussion Points

1. Cruise Ship Mayhem and Survival Horror

• Missing Persons at Sea: The Amy Bradley Case

  • The hosts and guests discuss the infamous 1998 disappearance of Amy Bradley from a Royal Caribbean cruise in depth.
    • Heather’s theory: Bradley most likely went overboard based on early family reports (24:47).
    • Christy’s theory: She may have briefly left the ship in a failed drug deal and was trafficked (26:33).
    • Ed also leans toward trafficking after reviewing documentary evidence, especially given the lack of remains found (34:19).

• True Crime Lore Meets Cruise Life

  • The hosts joke about how easy it is to go missing on cruises, the curious “too trusting” nature of tourists, and the folklore surrounding women vanishing at sea (22:47, 23:10).
  • Frequent reference to the practical advice of never following someone to a “second location” in port (“Don’t go to their house!” — Henry, 27:09).

• Life on a True Crime Cruise

  • Playful paranoia about being trafficked, handled with both humor and some authentic safety reminders for cruise attendees.
  • Audience acknowledgment: almost everyone present is “a white woman who’s missing,” handling the cliché with a wink (22:54).

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2. Cruise Ship Realities & Comedy

• Funny But Very Real Cruise Woes

  • Shower mishaps and existential crises about limited water supplies on the ship (17:43–18:19).
  • Towel and housekeeping humor, and the anxieties of international waters (loose marriage rules and swinger signals: upside-down pineapples) (29:33–30:22).
  • The “poop cruise” legend, where failed plumbing forced passengers to use bags — and an urgent vow to honor authority in case of another incident: “When they say shit in the bags, we shit in the bags.” — Henry (30:34).

• Buffet Strategy and Family Lore

  • Extended discussion of buffet economics and family legends — always go for shrimp and steak, never salad or bread. Legendary buffet stories, including Heather’s late father being immortalized at a Texas Roadhouse for eating seven steaks in one sitting (58:46–59:10).

• Existential Encounters with the Abyss

  • Heather shares a late-night moment staring over the balcony’s precipice and reflecting on the void, prompting jokes about female curiosity and overboard incidents (19:21–19:43).

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3. Dark Humor and Morbid Observations

• Death on the High Seas

  • The death of Dick Cheney is a recurring comedic motif, sparking riffs on transplant rumors and evil legacies (“Each one more filled with hate than the last.” – Henry, 04:58) and the absurd image of monkey or pig heart transplants in politicians (05:11).

• Absurdist Takes on Execution

  • Firing squads, state executions, and who’s most eager to volunteer, with references to cult figures like Chad Daybell (12:25–12:32).
  • New execution method suggestion: the harpoon squad (13:22, 13:27).

• Dolphin and Ocean Animal Lore

  • Bent humor about dolphins’ dark side (“They will protect you or they will rape you. There’s two options. Same with otters.” – Christy, 08:56), the stingray that killed Steve Irwin, and manatee-pirate romance speculation (50:32–50:50).

• Corpse & Organ Trading Jokes

  • Morbidly affectionate banter about whose organs would be most valuable on the black market (36:06–36:20) and “casting” brothels for fat men — “A fat man’s brothel should sell soup, to really lean into the broth part of it.” – Ed, 38:17.

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4. Unpacking Infamous Cases and Maritime Mysteries

• Amy Bradley

  • Notable for the balance of dark comedy and sincere true crime analysis, as Sinisterhood brings a researcher’s context and skepticism to a legendary case.

• Bermuda Triangle

  • The panel revisits the mythology and actual case numbers. Modern GPS has made the myth less compelling (“So the mystery doesn’t like science, is that what we’re saying?” – Heather, 43:52).

• Local Legends and Death at Sea

  • Lizard Island horror: Recent story of a woman left behind on an island full of lizards who dies — the hosts offer comedy and disbelief but circle back to practical advice (“You gotta pay attention. You gotta get back on the boat.” – Henry, 57:19).

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5. Stand-Out Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Dick Cheney’s Death and Heart Attacks:

“Each one more filled with hate than the last. My question is, where did they get the monkeys?”
— Henry Zabrowski (04:58)

On Cruise Buffets:

“Did your parents do the thing? Best advice ever heard about buffet. Fuck the spaghetti. Go get the expensive stuff.”
— Henry Zabrowski (58:08)

On Cruise Ship Risks for Women:

“It is a female issue... It’s just like, oh my God, it’s Flounder! And you’re a dead woman. Right.”
— Henry Zabrowski (23:02)

On Taking Precautions On Shore:

“You go right there. You get your hair braided by the person right there. Don’t go to their house!”
— Henry Zabrowski (27:07)

On Execution Myths:

“It’s a myth that one person doesn’t have one. They always all have one. That’s just an old wives’ tale.”
— Ed Larson (11:40)

On Cruise Bathroom Existentialism:

“I was having issues. I created a suction seal. Hit that fucking booty. Hit that booty sucker.”
— Henry Zabrowski (31:19)

On the “Poop Cruise”:

“When they say shit in the bags, we shit in the bags. What happened on that cruise only happened because they didn’t shit in the bags.”
— Henry Zabrowski (30:34)

On True Crime Community:

“Every one of you has an arcane byzantine opinion about every single true crime story. So know that we’re gonna probably get you angry no matter what we do.”
— Henry Zabrowski (24:26)

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Notable Segments and Timestamps

• “Dick Cheney’s Death and Heart Transplants”: (03:39–07:10)
• Amy Bradley Disappearance Theories: (24:47–27:11, 34:19–35:01)
• True Crime Cruise Safety Advice: (26:50–27:11)
• The Bermuda Triangle De-mystified: (42:31–44:42)
• Buffet Family Lore and Expense Maximization: (58:08–59:10)
• Upside-Down Pineapples and Cruise Swinger Culture: (29:33–30:22)
• Poop Cruise and Shitting-in-Bags Pledge: (30:34)
• Lizard Island Forgotten Woman Anecdote: (55:02–57:19)
• Soup Brothel Bit: (38:17–38:45, 67:02–67:05)
• Audience Q&A and Closing Remarks: (65:02–68:13)

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Tone and Style

The episode is quintessential Last Podcast — quick-witted, unapologetically profane, laden with both sharp social references and farcical exaggerations. Sinisterhood brings a slightly more grounded, research-based perspective but blends seamlessly into the playful, blackly comic dynamic.

Closing Cheer:

“And make a loud cheer because you’re live on Side Stories and Sinisterhood. Thank you.”
— Henry Zabrowski (67:54)

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For New Listeners

This episode is ideal for fans of true crime, dark comedy, and odd facts about the hidden perils (and pleasures) of cruise-ship life. You’ll learn about infamous cases — like Amy Bradley’s — but also delight in bathroom disasters, buffets, and black humor about the risks of the high seas. You don’t need to be familiar with either show to enjoy the rapid-fire chemistry, but those sensitive to gallows humor are forewarned.

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Key Takeaways

• Cruise ships are a rich venue for both mystery and comedy: the risk of going missing, the realities of overboard accidents, human trafficking rumors, and infectious buffets.
• The infamous Amy Bradley case remains unsolved, with competing theories among the hosts and guests.
• Dark humor is wielded liberally as a coping mechanism for fear, risk, and existential dread, especially on a “true crime cruise.”
• Practical advice: always follow basic cruise safety, never leave the port’s main areas, and never underestimate the power of a well-planned breakfast-to-lunch buffet transition.

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Next Episode: Live Sinisterhood show at 9am Thursday (Captain Phillips case), followed by another hungover, day-drinking Last Podcast event. Bring sunglasses and stories — and, as always, hail Satan.

Transcript

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[Henry Zabrowski]

There's no place to escape to.

[Ed Larson]

This is the last on the left side stories.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes.

[Heather McKinney]

Ahoy. Ahoy. Ahoy.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Ahoy, Sinister hood.

[Christy Wallace]

Oh, thank you.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Thank you.

[Heather McKinney]

Side story. Enjoy you.

[Henry Zabrowski]

We'll do two. Two housekeeping things up top is that these don't amplify. So what we're going to do is talk loud and so you can hear us, just so you know. And then we're going to do a bit of a soundtrack. Right up top, right?

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You guys sound great.

[Christy Wallace]

Always nice.

[Heather McKinney]

We always sound great. Yeah.

[Christy Wallace]

Did you yell come?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Do you not sound check with cum yourself?

[Heather McKinney]

We have to test it. Nut, nut, nut. Nope, we're good.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. Normally. Normally I name groups that were warned about 9, 11.

[Christy Wallace]

Oh, okay.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Dictating doesn't travel well.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, we'll get to it. Yeah, we'll get to it. We'll get.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. So I guess. How are we looking?

[Ed Larson]

How we sound, buddy? Good. Can you guys hear us? Okay. All right.

[Henry Zabrowski]

So yeah, we're gonna take it back from here.

[Heather McKinney]

Let's do it.

[Christy Wallace]

We're all theater kids, so you just project.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Use a diaphragm.

[Ed Larson]

Y' all did theater too, right?

[Heather McKinney]

Oh, yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Good, good, good, good, good.

[Henry Zabrowski]

All right, let's go.

[Heather McKinney]

Are we doing a play?

[Christy Wallace]

Do y' all want to do a play?

[Ed Larson]

Ooh, should we? What kind of play? The Dick Cheney on his deathbed.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

I'm just.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I'm so fucking. I hate my daughter.

[Ed Larson]

I hate my daughter.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I hate my daughter. I'm so fucking mad that three monkeys had to Die.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah, that was my Krissy was telling me the other day, hey, your birthday gift's on the way. And then the alert came up that said monkeys have gotten loose from a.

[Christy Wallace]

Truck that turned over in Mississippi on the way to a testing facility. And then one was found in a spirit. Halloween in Houston. How did it get there?

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's the season. A lady just got the last one. Shot it in the head.

[Heather McKinney]

That's right. That's right. They got losers.

[Christy Wallace]

She was scared for her children. Cause it was in her yard. I said, just keep the kids inside.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

All right, where do we start? Let's introduce ourselves. From the top to bottom.

[Christy Wallace]

Let's do it.

[Heather McKinney]

Hello. Hello. My name is he. Hi, I'm Heather McKinney. I'm the co host of Sinisterhood with.

[Henry Zabrowski]

My best friend, Hoo Ha.

[Christy Wallace]

I'm the best friend, Christy Wallace, and I co host Sinisterhood with my best friend.

[Heather McKinney]

Aw. Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Hi, my name is Henry Zabrowski, and I'm sitting here with my worst enemy from side shorts. Yes.

[Ed Larson]

And I'm Ed Larson, and I'm sitting here with my breast friend, O D Cup Zabrowski.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I got my mother's tits and my father's ass.

[Heather McKinney]

In a jar in a box size.

[Christy Wallace]

Yeah, yeah. I have my dad in a box too. In the closet. My mom still lives in a house. Alive.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, okay.

[Heather McKinney]

Heather, dead dad, dead dad, underground in a box.

[Ed Larson]

We all did, Dad.

[Henry Zabrowski]

A house is kind of like a casket for the living.

[Heather McKinney]

Every time. Every time someone goes, oh, I'm so sorry. I'm always like, you're not the one who pulled his plug. I am.

[Christy Wallace]

No need to be sorry.

[Heather McKinney]

Don't be sorry.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And I laugh every time I think about it.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah. Truly speaking of dad dazzle, I can't believe Dick Cheney died today.

[Ed Larson]

That's crazy, man. Hooray. Always fun when we get one.

[Heather McKinney]

I read on CNN it said he was plagued with heart disease. And I was like, we were plagued with him for like, a long time. For like a long time.

[Ed Larson]

How many did he end up having?

[Henry Zabrowski]

3.

[Ed Larson]

3?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

That's really cool.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Each one more filled with hate than the last. My question is, where did they get the monkeys?

[Heather McKinney]

I don't know. He had five heart attacks by the age of 62. Like at some point, like, God is trying to tell you something.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I actually wonder if the monkeys themselves were full of hate.

[Heather McKinney]

Maybe.

[Henry Zabrowski]

What if they choose racist monkeys and, like, bigoted monkeys?

[Christy Wallace]

Someone needs transphobic monkeys.

[Heather McKinney]

Transphobic transplant hearts.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes.

[Christy Wallace]

That sounds like a postal service album.

[Ed Larson]

What is the monkey thing?

[Henry Zabrowski]

So Dick Cheney had three transplanted monkey hearts. Baboon hearts.

[Ed Larson]

We had human hearts.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, baboon hearts.

[Ed Larson]

No, he had a human. Some guy died on a bicycle, and he got his heart.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, that was just for fun. That was the one he had on the side. Yeah.

[Christy Wallace]

In addition to his. So he's had five hearts in his body?

[Ed Larson]

Three. Three total hearts.

[Christy Wallace]

Well, we should only get one.

[Ed Larson]

We can't live with monkey hearts.

[Henry Zabrowski]

They're monkey hearts.

[Ed Larson]

No, we can live with pig hearts for up to nine months. Some dude just died.

[Heather McKinney]

Whoa. What?

[Christy Wallace]

But Christian Slater got that baboon heart in that movie where he played hockey.

[Heather McKinney]

Christian Slater was.

[Christy Wallace]

He was fine.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah. He wouldn't lie to us.

[Ed Larson]

Has anyone here tasted one of Dick Cheney's hearts?

[Heather McKinney]

And the guy that died for his heart wasn't the guy that he shot, because the guy that he shot, the pellet got lodged, and then later, that guy had a heart attack. He had so many heart attacks, he was giving them out.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, man.

[Heather McKinney]

To, like, other people.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's awesome, man.

[Ed Larson]

You know, Dick Cheney shot that dude in the face, and he's like, sorry, we're gonna have to keep you alive for years.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's kind of a mess. You know, sometime, though, I miss him. He had a vision for the country, and, yeah, it was to take over every other country, but he had a vision. He at least cared about America.

[Christy Wallace]

He was passionate about something.

[Heather McKinney]

He was passionate. They go. He was a big supporter of the Vietnam War, but didn't ever serve. And I was like. Like Iraq and every other war he started.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Maybe he loved our side in it. He did.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Christy Wallace]

He really loved the war. He loved to win it, but that was about it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But I bet he loved to eat pussy.

[Heather McKinney]

Oh, you think?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Just snore.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

With a fork and knife.

[Ed Larson]

Not well.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. No, That's. How long Chaney.

[Heather McKinney]

H.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Do you guys know our show? I. Hopeful people do.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, man. So Dick Cheney's dead.

[Heather McKinney]

Who.

[Ed Larson]

What else did he do that was horrible about Dick Cheney?

[Heather McKinney]

Let's.

[Ed Larson]

Let's go through his crimes a little bit.

[Heather McKinney]

He also. He was the one that. His chief of staff, first of all, he hired someone named Scooter Libby, so. And then that guy leaked information, and I'm like, you mean Scooter can't keep a secret?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, I love. I. I miss a cute guy in government. Like, a little cute guy in charge of a genocide.

[Ed Larson]

Just, like.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Just something fun and cute. His name, like Flipper. Flipper Jackson and Flipp.

[Christy Wallace]

Flipper Jackson.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah. They're like, Flipper Jackson has called them to do more airstrikes. And you're like, flipper. No, Flipper.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I can't do the noise.

[Christy Wallace]

Flippers enacted a genocide. But you can't get mad because he's cute.

[Heather McKinney]

He can bounce a ball in his nose.

[Ed Larson]

Y' all know that the real Flipper committed suicide on Henry's birthday.

[Heather McKinney]

Damn.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. Suicide by cop. Very difficult for a dolphin. Yeah, very difficult. That was a very engaged dolphin.

[Christy Wallace]

Was he jumping back into the ocean and the cop got him midair?

[Ed Larson]

He had taped two Glocks to his fins and he was doing one of those back things.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

And it was a little too wild.

[Henry Zabrowski]

He had somehow stressed out BLM with a conch shell. He decided to handle that. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

He was just sad that his whole family were rapists.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. Dolphin humor. That's dolphin humor.

[Christy Wallace]

Dolphins are. They will protect you or they will rape you. There's two options. Same with otters. Otters. Everyone thinks otters are great. Otters.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I'm scared as fuck about going, we're supposed to go see these stupid stingrays. Uh oh, stingrays killed Steve Irwin. And are we just supposed to go and hang out? We're paying money to go hang out with the assassin fish of the stupid ocean. And what are we gonna do? You're so soft. I'm sorry. Soft. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Every single time we do something in nature, we almost get killed.

[Ed Larson]

I'd be so impressed if a stingray got through your breasts.

[Heather McKinney]

Oh, man.

[Henry Zabrowski]

God.

[Ed Larson]

But yeah, tomorrow. Is anyone else swimming with pigs and stingrays tomorrow?

[Heather McKinney]

Couple.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, two days from now. I don't know what I'm doing.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. We don't know the schedule. Hell, yeah.

[Christy Wallace]

You can still do it tomorrow. It's just a different experience. Experience.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And it's in the pool with the.

[Ed Larson]

Rest of the people on this boat.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Honestly, I'm really appreciative of the fact that they're going to have a tasting menu afterwards.

[Heather McKinney]

Oh.

[Christy Wallace]

Of all the things you saw, now this is what they tasted like.

[Heather McKinney]

You eat the slowest swimmers. Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. That's what we got over here.

[Ed Larson]

This is just the slow ones, man.

[Heather McKinney]

The slowest one.

[Christy Wallace]

You just got to be faster than the slowest person always.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But that's the problem, though, is that, like, my second fastest sperm has got to be such a waste of life. Like that second most fast sperm has to just be got. I mean, what's he gonna be doing? Yeah, probably Softball ref. Yeah, sorry. Softball ref is the worst shop I could think of at the time.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Man, I. Softball ref.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Christy Wallace]

Why?

[Henry Zabrowski]

I don't know.

[Christy Wallace]

Just boring.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. Stupid.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Stupid sport. Waste.

[Heather McKinney]

Not as hard as baseball.

[Christy Wallace]

Yeah, I was gonna go with like shooting squad person.

[Heather McKinney]

Like a firing squad.

[Christy Wallace]

Yeah, Firing squad. I couldn't think of. Yeah, like being that person.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's fun as hell though.

[Christy Wallace]

Yeah.

[Heather McKinney]

I mean, are they down, firing squad?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, we have some executioners here.

[Heather McKinney]

Oh, wow.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Those are big pops for firing squad.

[Heather McKinney]

Cause they just brought back the firing squad in South Carolina. And in Utah when they do the firing squad, it's two blank real one in South Carolina.

[Christy Wallace]

All real bullets.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I actually like that better.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. I was talking recently to Dick Harpurian and he was saying he's the guy.

[Christy Wallace]

Who flex, first of all.

[Heather McKinney]

Flex.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, yeah. We hang out, we hang out, we buy people together.

[Ed Larson]

And he was a senator for North Carolina who advocated for the firing squad. And I was like, all right, what? Why? You know, like. And he said that it's a myth that one person doesn't have one. And they always all have one. And that's just like. That's like an old wives tale that like we've all repeated to each other. But they all killed the motherfucker.

[Heather McKinney]

That's the state of. The state of Utah lies then in their official.

[Christy Wallace]

I mean, is that how you found out?

[Heather McKinney]

No, that is. I. I found out because I was on TikTok just trying to scroll and it was the, the press conference after they had just firing squatted that guy in March. And there was an AP reporter who was a little too jovial who was like, this is my 12th execution and it's the third type. I finally seen all three. And it was like. Everyone in the comments was like, bro, he hit for the cycle, dude. He fucking hatched right there.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's chair injection.

[Heather McKinney]

Firing squad, dude.

[Christy Wallace]

Patrick.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah, all three.

[Christy Wallace]

I want to see trinity of, of live executions.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, you know our favorite, Chad Daybell.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

He has volunteered for the firing squad.

[Heather McKinney]

Well.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And I can't imagine being such a lucky person to be able to shoot him right in the Winnie the Pooh gut.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Like, what a great opportunity to just up and shoot him in the leg.

[Heather McKinney]

They're like, so are you applying to the Department of Corrections? You have a successful podcast.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, I brought my own skeet shoe. Yeah, we're doing a buck buckshot style. Like he's a. Like he's a deer.

[Heather McKinney]

Like, that's right.

[Christy Wallace]

Are you supposed to go for the stomach?

[Ed Larson]

No, the harder the head, I believe.

[Heather McKinney]

Okay.

[Ed Larson]

Harpurian said that, I think. Yeah, it's all for the heart. Everyone aims for the heart. And what was the other one that he said? That too many people applied for the job.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Whoa.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah. I mean, it's crazy that a guy who almost sounds like his name is Harpoon is like, we should shoot people in the heart to kill him. And you're like, did you mean. He's like, yeah, I guess. A gun.

[Christy Wallace]

No, but. Or we introduced a fourth way.

[Heather McKinney]

There you go.

[Christy Wallace]

And harpoon.

[Heather McKinney]

Harpoon. Harpoon. Harpoon. We harpoon them harpoonly.

[Christy Wallace]

Same distance as firing squads. So you gotta be really. Gotta be sharp, man.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That'd be cool. You get a big, gnarly sailor man out there. He's got his big weird, like, hat tipped, and he's like, yeah, hold. Hold me pipe. My boyfriend.

[Heather McKinney]

Say that?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Cause y' all know Popeye was gay. Come on. Y' all know Popeye was gay.

[Heather McKinney]

Why do you think his forearms was that big? Is from jacking dudes off.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Jacking dudes off? Yeah, jacking dudes off. Save his life, lest they execute him.

[Ed Larson]

And that's how creamed spinach was invented.

[Heather McKinney]

That's how you get it open the throat. Popeye's a throat goat. That's the throat goat. He's always.

[Christy Wallace]

That's why olive oil always looks so fucking pissed. Cause she's like, papa, I want that tea.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And he's like, I actually find it kind of interesting. Cause I do think that in this dynamic, like, Bluto is obviously pining for.

[Christy Wallace]

Which one was Bluto?

[Henry Zabrowski]

He's the big strong man.

[Christy Wallace]

Oh, the one with the cigar.

[Henry Zabrowski]

We actually feel like, in a way, in this version of this, he's a hero.

[Christy Wallace]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Because it sounds like he's the only one willing to give olive oil dick.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah. Yeah. He's like, I'm trying to lay it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Down, to be honest. I think there's a lot more we. We don't talk enough about that in society. Women who need dick and the men that are just there willing to give it. And how sometimes we all gotta lower that bar just to entry level.

[Heather McKinney]

To entry level.

[Christy Wallace]

Literally.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes. In order to get the dick that you crave. And you just can't care about what the dick is or what it looks like. No.

[Christy Wallace]

It's like getting the job you want. If you can get your foot in the door.

[Heather McKinney]

Yes.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Because she could get Bluto to shave. She could get Bluto to lose weight. She could get Bluto to dress better. If you get in there at the bottom floor and you fix, you get him addicted sexually and with food yeah. Then you just. Then you own his. You own him?

[Christy Wallace]

Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And then you change him. You retcon him. You build him from the inside out.

[Christy Wallace]

I think we need a Popeye reboot.

[Heather McKinney]

Is what it sounds like. We can make him porno Popeye.

[Ed Larson]

That'd be good. Yeah. Pop her in the eye. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All I know is with a woman named Olive Foil, you definitely don't need lube.

[Heather McKinney]

No.

[Christy Wallace]

She is ready to go at all times.

[Heather McKinney]

Do you think the captain of this ship has huge ass forearms like that? And is it from driving the ship?

[Ed Larson]

I don't know.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It ain't.

[Ed Larson]

Power steering, shaking all these hands.

[Christy Wallace]

Do they still use a big wheel to turn ships?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes.

[Heather McKinney]

Really?

[Ed Larson]

Oh, yeah.

[Christy Wallace]

I figured it was like a button these days. But if there is a big wheel.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Is there a big wheel?

[Christy Wallace]

Things. Hat in my cabin.

[Ed Larson]

I've been up to the cockpit.

[Heather McKinney]

Who's on the cockpit tour? All day. I was trying to get to the bridge. Which is hard because you can't just walk up to someone and be like, hey, how do you get to the bridge?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Take me to the bridge.

[Heather McKinney]

Because we're about to do.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Take me to the goddamn bridge, man.

[Ed Larson]

All right, James Brown.

[Heather McKinney]

We're about to do the. We're about to do the Captain Phillips story on Thursday. And I'm like, that's how those people got in trouble with the Navy, is to come up and be like, give me the bridge. So I just was like, how do you maybe take a tour? It's $130. Tomorrow, 9am What?

[Christy Wallace]

You were kidding when you said it was $130.

[Heather McKinney]

No, I was not kidding.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Did they charge for us to go look at them work?

[Heather McKinney]

Thank you.

[Henry Zabrowski]

What the fuck is this? Hershey factory.

[Heather McKinney]

I'm trying to see.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's his job.

[Heather McKinney]

The engine control room. Whoever's shoveling the coal or however it works down there. I don't know.

[Christy Wallace]

I haven't seen it yet.

[Heather McKinney]

I didn't shovel the coal. 130 bucks.

[Christy Wallace]

This is a steamboat.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

This is steam.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah.

[Christy Wallace]

It's just all steam and a big. You're pushing on the back. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Why are there no nuclear cruises?

[Heather McKinney]

Exactly. Clean energy.

[Christy Wallace]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Also be able to clean energy cruise. Fuck this shit, right?

[Heather McKinney]

Fuck.

[Christy Wallace]

I've used every towel in my room and I haven't even showered. I'm excited. I don't care.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I blew my nose into one, threw it out into the water. I took the other one and just shat into it to practice. See that in the water?

[Christy Wallace]

They're all in the water. So, yeah, I do need a new set. Housekeeping, just if.

[Heather McKinney]

Whatever.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, I had an existential crisis in the shower this morning. I was just like, how much water's on this boat? How long can I stay in this thing? I know we can't use the seawater. How much the fresh water's here. They should tell us how long our shower should be. And I'm just like, I need to get out of the shower.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I do believe that they take our pet and make it the shower water.

[Heather McKinney]

So think about that.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And I don't know if I'm just saying that into a microphone again. And I have no idea if that's real or not.

[Heather McKinney]

People are gonna stop showering with their mouth open, and other people are going to start showering with their mouth open. Now that you've told us all that.

[Henry Zabrowski]

There are a lot of Europeans on board.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

So a lot of Dutch guys. If you guys want free money, if you guys want free drinks and food from a Dutch guy just pissing his mouth. I'm sorry, guys. It's 3:15.

[Ed Larson]

It's so early.

[Henry Zabrowski]

We're 15 minutes into this.

[Heather McKinney]

This is great.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, I had it.

[Ed Larson]

That's nice. Yeah.

[Christy Wallace]

Hey, did you know how to use the shower, though? It took me 20 minutes to turn it on.

[Ed Larson]

I got it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You cut your hair.

[Christy Wallace]

I had to call my husband in to, which makes me seem like a helpless little woman. What the fuck is with these shower things?

[Ed Larson]

They are confusing, but, you know, I was. You fiddle with it until it gets hot like a lady.

[Heather McKinney]

There he is.

[Christy Wallace]

That's what Tommy did. That's what Tommy did.

[Heather McKinney]

That's right.

[Christy Wallace]

You got it going.

[Heather McKinney]

Y' all have to k. He knows how to do that.

[Henry Zabrowski]

She's done. And then just like with a lady, you're. You're done with that shower. About a minute and a half.

[Heather McKinney]

Slam the door.

[Ed Larson]

Just sitting there, like, existentially. How wet could she get? I don't know how much she sent her.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Dude.

[Heather McKinney]

I had an existential crisis on the balcony last night about 1am I. I told my husband, I want to turn off all the lights. And then I just want me to do this. I go, oh, God. I said, I just want to go stare into the abyss, essentially. And I got a little too close to the rail, and I had to go back a little bit to do my staring. But God damn. Everybody should consider a precipice if momentarily every once in a while in their lives.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But right there, right there, you just said the Big Issue. What's that is how close you got to the rail.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah, I was like.

[Henry Zabrowski]

The year is 2012. The setting new York City. There are a thousand stories in the naked city and this one is about blood. Vampires are real. They stalk the streets, feeding on the living. Nobody is safe. Join me, Henry Zabrowski along with Jackie Zabrowski and veteran TRPG player Ross Bryant for an actual play series set in the the Masquerade universe from the mind of game master Jared Locher. The show will premiere on the LPN TV YouTube channel starting on Wednesday, October 29th and will release on a weekly basis. People will die, then get back up and bite you. Will my character succumb to the beast within? Can Jackie navigate the Byzantine entry Freaks of the dad the future is a mystery. All we know is it's gonna be a Bloodbath. LPN RPG presents Bloodbath every Wednesday on the LPN TV YouTube channel. It all begins on October 29th. Enjoy the mysteries.

[Ed Larson]

As a small business owner, you know.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That change is the name of the game. Operational costs, labor markets, tariffs. Wouldn't it be nice if something stayed the same? How about your business Internet rate? Get reliable, secure 5G business Internet from T Mobile for business for $50 a month with a 5 year price guarantee when paired with a voice line. That's the stability you need from a partner you can depend on. Switch now@t mobile.com BI/ taxes and fees guarantee exclusions like taxes and fees apply. See exclusions and details@t mobile.com Adobe Acrobat.

[Heather McKinney]

Studio so brand new. Show me all the things PDFs can do. Do your work with ease and speed. PDF Spaces is all you need. Do hours of research in an instant with key insights from an AI assistant. Take a template with a click now your prezo looks super slick. Close that deal. Yeah, you won. Do that doing that did that.

[Christy Wallace]

Duh.

[Heather McKinney]

Now you can do that. Do that with Acrobat. Now you can do that. Do that with the all new Acrobat. It's time to do your best work with the all new Adobe Acrobat Studio.

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[Henry Zabrowski]

We want to say first of all, number one, raise your hands if you're a white woman who's missing. Me too.

[Christy Wallace]

Or there too.

[Ed Larson]

Well, we wanted to supposed to be on the celebrity.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's a problem on cruises. Y' all women too curious. I didn't mean it. It is a female issue.

[Christy Wallace]

It's our fault because we're too in love with the ocean and we get too close and we just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's just like, oh, my God, it's flounder. And you're a dead woman. Right. Because there's no hope in getting you. Okay. You will not survive. If you hit the water, you're gonna turn into a million pieces.

[Christy Wallace]

Last night on the balcony, I feel like I could survive if I jumped feet first. And we're on the ninth floor. I don't know if that's.

[Ed Larson]

I think that's. Yeah.

[Christy Wallace]

Is that crazy?

[Henry Zabrowski]

You were just too excited for Mamdani? Yes. Yeah. That is a Mamdani excitement move. We're like, no, you have.

[Christy Wallace]

I did say halfway down. I would be like, holy, this is way higher than it looked. But by then I'm.

[Ed Larson]

I don't think you die hitting the water as much as just get ripped up by the bottom of the boat.

[Heather McKinney]

That's what I'm like, get sucked under.

[Christy Wallace]

Paris just told me I'd freeze to death. But the boat sounds way worse.

[Henry Zabrowski]

The big story. Because obviously everybody here is aware of the Amy Bradley story.

[Ed Larson]

I just watched the doc. I binged it before the trip. Hilarious.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You know, it's important.

[Heather McKinney]

Before the trip, we did a two.

[Christy Wallace]

Or three part series on it and. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

What are you missing? Still missing.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Can we ask?

[Christy Wallace]

She is still missing.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. This is a big. Obviously this is everyone. This is a true crime cruise. Every one of you has an arcane byzantine opinion about every single true crime story. So know that we're gonna probably get you angry no matter what we do. Yeah. So I would say is, what's your main theory about Amy Bradley?

[Heather McKinney]

My main theory is when we were doing research for the show, I like to pull newspaper articles at the time that these incidents happened. Because it's one thing to hear somebody talk about something that happened in 1995 and what they happen have to say in 2025. Well, what her family kind of had to say in 1995 sort of kind of led more to she did not ever get off the boat. And then all of the other tips and things that came after started being piled on of like maybe she got off or Maybe, Whatever. But the initial timeline and the initial descriptions that her folks and her brother gave to the newspapers indicated to me it was a most likely scenario overboard situation.

[Ed Larson]

Okay. Because right now they're saying she was missing from like 5:30 to 6, right?

[Heather McKinney]

Correct.

[Ed Larson]

Before she was officially reported missing.

[Christy Wallace]

There are conflicting things, but I would like to say that they did not sound the alarm for her at 6am because they didn't want to disturb the passengers. But what the fuck was with that alarm? This morning at 7.

[Heather McKinney]

They made me.

[Christy Wallace]

Shit in my towel and throw it overboard and I was dead fucking asleep. But they won't do it for a missing lady.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. That's why, like, to me, I just think it's. Y' all guys are just so nice and sweet and just sometimes you just blip.

[Ed Larson]

You know what I mean?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Like, that's the problem. It's a nice lady. We all like all our ladies. Everybody likes all the ladies we're with, you know? But sometimes the lady just goes.

[Christy Wallace]

We just flip over.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And then just like. And then the problem is that when you go blip, it's like so fast.

[Heather McKinney]

My head's so big.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, it's tits. Tits take you straight to Davy Jones Jones's locker.

[Ed Larson]

I should know.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I'm a batid man. Yeah, I'm a batid man. I have to strap him up.

[Christy Wallace]

I have a different theory, actually.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Please.

[Christy Wallace]

My theory, and this is not. I'm not being facetious. I think she got off the ship briefly when it docked in hopes of getting drugs and quickly found out that was not the plan of the people that were gonna sell her the drugs.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, sure.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. That can definitely happen. Oh, yes, very much. And that is also super crucial, everyone to. To remember out here is to never go to a second location because it's just. Don't go right. You go right there. You get your hair braided by the person right there.

[Christy Wallace]

House for it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Don't go to their house.

[Ed Larson]

Right.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You get it right. There you go.

[Ed Larson]

Right.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That there was a Jamaican beef patty, like, genuine. Place was right there. You don't gotta go far. You know what I mean? So that's. I guess that's a good thing to know. And also just stop, drop and roll.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christy Wallace]

It's just good advice in case you catch on fire.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes. Well, I feel like the more you're.

[Christy Wallace]

Rolling, the harder you're falling off the ship.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, I mean, just though, if you're getting trafficked.

[Heather McKinney]

Oh, stop, drop and roll. Go dead.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Go.

[Heather McKinney]

Dead weight.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, Dead weight.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah, Dead weight.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Dead weight or pretend to have had a stroke.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's not mean.

[Christy Wallace]

This I think about.

[Heather McKinney]

No.

[Christy Wallace]

I've always been like, if I get kidnapped, I'm going to pretend to have a seizure.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Because they don't like damaged goods. Sorry, guys. They said, I'm being honest here. This is boat honesty for sure.

[Heather McKinney]

If you get held hostage for real, they tell you don't be like too much freaking out, but don't be too much of an asshole. But if you act like weak, then they do not want a damaged product. And also just act crazier than the crazy person. I don't know if that still works, but that's always my plan.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You're not going to want to go ahead and because I'm unvaccinated.

[Heather McKinney]

Robert F. Kennedy, you're not going to want to.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Deal with me because I'm just the general.

[Heather McKinney]

They're like, we gotta get this guy back to run the Department of Health and Human Services.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Truth is, the healthiest place you can be is in the middle of a cruise ship. You gotta eat the poop on the poop cruise.

[Heather McKinney]

I told y'.

[Henry Zabrowski]

All.

[Heather McKinney]

I told you. My mother in law was on the poop cruise. Cruise. The cruise.

[Henry Zabrowski]

So did she shit in bags like they should have?

[Heather McKinney]

She had to. She had. Sorry, mama. But she did have to. The best part though is cause they interviewed all these people for that and the people on there, like it was the worst thing that ever happened. And you know, I asked my mother in law and she was like, everybody working was doing such a good job. They were trying so hard. I was like, she didn't want to like hate on the workers. She's like, I wasn't the one out there having to pick the bags up.

[Christy Wallace]

I was like that.

[Heather McKinney]

Fair enough. I will say though, she didn't ever get a free cruise. Even though they said we, but she was gonna take it.

[Christy Wallace]

So there's that.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, it's like, see, you're gonna put me back in hell.

[Christy Wallace]

She's been on like several more cruises since the poop cruise. That did not stop her from cruising.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Cruising is an addiction.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

How many people here are cruise people? Wow. Just one too many. Just two.

[Christy Wallace]

We should all meet up.

[Heather McKinney]

Get on.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Are you the guys putting the upside down pineapples on? Shit.

[Heather McKinney]

Dude.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Everybody. Apparently on the international waters, marriage rules are also super fucking loose.

[Christy Wallace]

Yeah, I saw the rules on the open water.

[Heather McKinney]

There was a lady with a big ass pineapple tattoo on her leg, but it was right side up. But I was like in the right circumstances, it could be upside down.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christy Wallace]

Probably in the circumstances, she needs it to be upside down the most.

[Heather McKinney]

100%.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Arguably.

[Ed Larson]

Excuse my ignorance, what does an upside down pineapple mean?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, somebody show him. Somebody show him the old fashioned way. Someone fuck his wife. It means you're open for swinging.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, really? So you get an upside down pineapple tattoo and everyone's like, oh yeah, we're partying.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But it's mostly you're just like, oh no, I was in the mirror.

[Heather McKinney]

Oh fuck, now I'm gonna get cooked.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I think this is also a good time for all of us because you brought up the poop cruise.

[Heather McKinney]

Yes, yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Is to make a solemn vow to all of ourselves that when they say shit in the bags, we shit in the bags. What happened on that cruise only happened because they didn't shit in the bags. They felt they were above it.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And we're not above it, are we? No, we're a bunch of troll pigs.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, we own dogs. We know what bags are. Honest.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Rather in a bag. I feel connected to my pet. I hate how the cat shits open.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah, truly. It's in these toilets is like in a shop vac. Cuz it just sucks it out of you. So the bag might be a welcome difference. It might be relaxing.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You joke.

[Christy Wallace]

You could go on your balcony to do it.

[Heather McKinney]

You could.

[Ed Larson]

You.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That thing will legitimately don't drop anything this morning.

[Heather McKinney]

Henry Zabrowski.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I was having issues.

[Heather McKinney]

You just.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I created a suction seal. Hit that fucking booty. Hit that booty sucker.

[Heather McKinney]

Did you see that?

[Ed Larson]

Do you see it pop up on you?

[Henry Zabrowski]

It pulled the last little bit out.

[Ed Larson]

That's great.

[Heather McKinney]

Why does the trash can have a picture?

[Ed Larson]

Hell yeah, man. Make it work for you. That's free.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You ever read Chuck Paul? Yes.

[Christy Wallace]

Yes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's what I learned it from.

[Christy Wallace]

From the swimming pool.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah.

[Christy Wallace]

Where it sucks his intestines out of his asshole. I wonder if I remember that book.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And I held on tight But I.

[Heather McKinney]

Wonder why There's a picture of a banana on the trash can that says don't flush these things down the trash. But it sounds like you've answered, so you might need it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, it had a really hard time with the grapefruit. I was mashing him down.

[Heather McKinney]

He was mashing it.

[Christy Wallace]

Mashing it down.

[Ed Larson]

That's probably what happened to Amy, Brad, Bradley.

[Heather McKinney]

You guys sucked down, Sat down the toilet.

[Ed Larson]

That's a real toilet.

[Christy Wallace]

Would you rather be sucked down the toilet on a airplane or cruise ship?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Are we on mushrooms right now?

[Ed Larson]

Not too much. Yeah. I think I'd rather be sucked down on a cruise ship. I feel like it's more spacious down there, like in Star wars, you know? Like, there's probably a monster, though, I imagine. Yeah. Something that lives down there.

[Christy Wallace]

I was thinking, when you get sucked out, you get either spit into the bowels of the ocean or the open air.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Do they. What happens?

[Christy Wallace]

Does that not happen when things get flush?

[Henry Zabrowski]

What happens with all the poop?

[Ed Larson]

What do you mean?

[Heather McKinney]

It goes.

[Ed Larson]

It goes into a tank.

[Henry Zabrowski]

They don't shoot it in the water. No. Isn't human filth natural?

[Ed Larson]

No. There's fucking thousands of us. It would be horrible.

[Heather McKinney]

There's one big.

[Ed Larson]

Just mine alone this morning.

[Henry Zabrowski]

What a nightmare. But how does coral grow?

[Heather McKinney]

Think we know?

[Ed Larson]

I don't know, man, but I was out there with a bottle of bleach this morning. I'm doing my part, shining those fuckers up, dude.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I did. I actually felt really good. I took a seagull and I sprayed it with some hairspray.

[Heather McKinney]

Keep it safe.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Love it out of here, man. These excursions are amazing.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

The stuff that you can do out.

[Ed Larson]

I feel like, though, like, everyone on this cruise, that at least if you're in this room and you're back on the ship, you're not getting trafficked.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah, we're back.

[Ed Larson]

Because Nassau would have been the spot. It's not happening on Cococay. If you get trafficked on Cococay, it's your fault.

[Heather McKinney]

You've done it to yourself.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I actually think you just get hired.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Like, I think you're like, where are you from?

[Heather McKinney]

Where are you from? We got to make you a name tag.

[Ed Larson]

All right. I got 12 cheeseburgers. Three chicken sandwiches.

[Heather McKinney]

Would do.

[Ed Larson]

I think Amy Bradley was trafficked, though.

[Heather McKinney]

You think so?

[Ed Larson]

I think so.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

I. I really do. After watching the whole thing, and I was. At first, I was like, yeah, she got. You know, she fell off and she got sucked up. But that guy was so confident that the currents come in and go. Like, even if she got eaten by a shark, we'd find part of her.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Interesting, you know, he's like this hand, like this one and this foot over here. This. We don't know where these. But we make them kiss.

[Ed Larson]

No, that's his thing. That guy is. He's found lots of body parts, so I trust him.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

You know, and so I was just like, I don't think so. And then there was the other dude, the old guy. I know there was, like, the horrible Dudes like, yeah, I almost bought her, you know, but like that was awful. But like there was the other guy who just met her on the beach.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah, that guy was freaking out.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I took a day under nice Saturday enough window shopping for today.

[Christy Wallace]

The one that worked for the coast guard that she'd said, my name is Amy Bradley, please get me out of of this brothel. And he just didn't say anything because.

[Ed Larson]

That guy's a scumbag. Yeah, but I'm talking about the guy on the beach.

[Heather McKinney]

He was like a photographer. He was like on vacation. He.

[Ed Larson]

I trusted that guy.

[Heather McKinney]

He was very shooketh about what happened and was like. I saw the picture was like, that's her. So. Oh, maybe she swam ashore.

[Henry Zabrowski]

She had that.

[Ed Larson]

She had that freaking tattoo, you know, I mean, how many Tasmanian devil tattoos we got in the room? Exactly.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, this is just on one cruise.

[Christy Wallace]

I'm not rising. I thought it was at least one person would have a tattoo.

[Ed Larson]

Well, it was the 90s, so how. Who, how many people got a Pikachu?

[Heather McKinney]

No one.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No, it's the. Technically it is the Harry Potter Death Hollow Tattoo is the 2000s version of it. Here we go. The Deathly Hollows tattoo is that version.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, okay.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's how they identify your body, ma'. Am.

[Ed Larson]

Definitely hollow.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's disgusting. I don't think your body would be hollowed out at all. Even though I think your organs are valuable and I would pay top dollar for them just looking at you.

[Heather McKinney]

Silent scene.

[Christy Wallace]

Silent scene. What a compliment. That's what ladies. That's how you get in ladies pants.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I know a good mile of intestines when I see a gut.

[Heather McKinney]

It's like she's like a real life blind bag. You just open it up and see.

[Christy Wallace]

What'S inside and you get excited.

[Ed Larson]

It's like I feel bad for whoever tried to steal my kidneys, man. Those things are fucked.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah.

[Christy Wallace]

Shove them back in.

[Heather McKinney]

They're like.

[Ed Larson]

It's like, oh, sail. We gotta sail.

[Heather McKinney]

I need to return these, sir.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Like I wonder though, like. Cause obviously the bear population is very rarely trafficked, but I feel like there should be like, like somewhere some contingent of chubby men in a brothel.

[Christy Wallace]

Yeah, that has to be. Don't get me wet, Henry.

[Henry Zabrowski]

There has to be a market for chubby man as well.

[Heather McKinney]

Like a Bluto looking fella.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, like Bluto like in my like really, like is it why you never see that? You never hear about like a brothel. That's just big guys.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christy Wallace]

I think you said if you know, you know, situation like, you got to know people to get in.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Why, though? I figured that they'd be like, men.

[Heather McKinney]

Great question.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Men advertise dick positivity.

[Christy Wallace]

All bodies are beautiful.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I just don't know why.

[Ed Larson]

Just.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I'm actually just kind of confused about the statistics because I feel like, you know, it'd be good to get one.

[Heather McKinney]

Of each, especially because big burly dudes are often sailors. Sailors. Ports. Ports. Nefarious things. I don't know.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah. No, it's far away from the women you love.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I just feel like you want to get everybody. You want to get, you know, you want to get a beautiful, beautiful woman. You want to get a nerdy Asian guy. You want to get a fun black guy.

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You want to get.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You want to get the whole thing. Yeah, that's the idea.

[Ed Larson]

You want to put them all together on a team.

[Christy Wallace]

Yeah, it's like a sitcom. Yeah, you gotta represent everybody.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Cast it.

[Christy Wallace]

Yeah, cast it.

[Heather McKinney]

Central casting.

[Christy Wallace]

We need a casting brothel.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. I feel like a fat man's brothel should sell soup, you know, just. Just, you know, to really lean into the broth part of it. A brothel only Broth.

[Christy Wallace]

Broth.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, that's cute.

[Christy Wallace]

You can build your own broth.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Suck a guy's dick. Who's eating soup.

[Heather McKinney]

What are we gonna do? You get to dip it in the chowder and make chowder. That's a breadstick. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

And if they, you know. And then the. The lady's wing is the clam chowder.

[Heather McKinney]

There it is. Yeah.

[Christy Wallace]

And the clam bake.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I'm sorry, everybody. Yeah, I'm sorry, everybody.

[Heather McKinney]

This is the first thing you're all hearing, and you're like, this is the.

[Henry Zabrowski]

First show of this. This entire thing. I am pretty much going to guarantee the other ones are going to be more focused.

[Ed Larson]

Bradley is missing.

[Henry Zabrowski]

There she is.

[Christy Wallace]

She is still missing.

[Henry Zabrowski]

There she is over there. I did. Well, I did want to look up because, like, for our discussion, I was looking up true crime that had happened in Nassau around this area, and surprisingly enough, nothing.

[Heather McKinney]

Well, you're safe and sound.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No, actually, quite a bit. There's been quite a bit of. There's been quite a bit. But the one that. There was one guy's name that I. That I actually thought was quite interesting.

[Ed Larson]

Dr. Machete.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Dr. Machete, strangely enough, killed people with the plunger.

[Christy Wallace]

But he had such an opportunity there.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But there was a guy by the name of Micaiah Schobeck that was a tourist merchant, murderer. Not Taurus. Not like me. Coming up, Taurus moons next month. But I. He would come out to the, like. Basically, he'd be on a. It seemed to be a Royal Caribbean cruise or, like, anything yet. He would come out and he would kill. On the excursion. He'd go out, he would find somebody essentially, like, in a form of cruising. He would cruise his way to cruise out on the island, and then he find a guy and kill him and come back. And he did it four times. Times.

[Heather McKinney]

Damn.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's a cruise guy.

[Christy Wallace]

Did he get caught?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, he got caught. He loved cruising. There was just something about it that he really understood. And he understood that you can go missing quite quickly out there.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah. Especially. You said the 70s.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Heather McKinney]

Oh, yeah. It was easy to go missing the 70s, take the boat out of it. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

I just didn't know how far, like.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Cruises even were going. You were even explaining to me that Merv Griffin kind of built up Paradise Island.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. That's his joint.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. That they came in to just sort of like, they're like, gosh, hey, man, we're gonna hang out here with the coconut. See? And then they, like, created a whole new economy, and then. That has repercussions.

[Heather McKinney]

It does indeed.

[Ed Larson]

You wanted to do. You wanted to create, like, the Vegas of the Caribbean, kind of. And honestly, that's such a better idea than Vegas.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It is.

[Heather McKinney]

There's water. Yeah.

[Christy Wallace]

It's not as hot.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I love Vegas, though.

[Christy Wallace]

I like Vegas.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I love the fact that it's corrupt on its face. Yeah. I like the fact that everything's for sale and they tell you. Yeah, it's honest. It's honest. Not like the goddamn captain who's been charging us 130 bucks to go make sure he's not taking us to Asia. There's a God knows what he's doing in that room. We don't know where this boat's going.

[Heather McKinney]

And if you want to know, you got to cough up some money. So please pass around a hat and put a couple of dollars in it and send us. We'll let you know what they're doing on the bridge.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Are you getting a cut?

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Wait a second.

[Heather McKinney]

They did make me a tag. I took it off before we got here.

[Christy Wallace]

Have you been trafficked already?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Is this a part of.

[Heather McKinney]

I just want to say welcome aboard. Royal Caribbean rules.

[Christy Wallace]

She got corporate trafficked.

[Heather McKinney]

I did.

[Christy Wallace]

Dude, it was bound to happen.

[Heather McKinney]

We knew it was happening.

[Ed Larson]

Fly from your grave.

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[Heather McKinney]

Well, we're excited to be in the Bermuda Triangle, though. Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Now, I know from our series in the Bermuda Triangle many, many moons ago that a lot of what happened, like, a lot of the mysterious disappearances have to do with ocean farts.

[Heather McKinney]

Truly. Or like. Yeah, the Sargassen Sea, like, the area where just, like, they go. There's a part of the sea where the wind sort of stops. So stay away from that. What?

[Henry Zabrowski]

What do you mean, wind stops?

[Heather McKinney]

What? What is it?

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's like Native American curse. The Diaspora.

[Christy Wallace]

It starts with a D. What is it, 70?

[Heather McKinney]

The doldrums?

[Christy Wallace]

Yes, the doldrums where, like, there's no wind in the sea and you just have to wait for, like, current.

[Henry Zabrowski]

So they just named it after being sad?

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah, yeah. They're like.

[Christy Wallace]

Cause it gives you time to think when you're just out there. Like, am I gonna get rescued? No.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, do you guys know just specifically how many people have gone missing in the Bermuda Triangle? Like, are you big Bermuda Triangle people?

[Heather McKinney]

Not huge. I'm not a huge trihead, but I'm willing to. L. But no, I mean, the problem is with you get an area like that, it's kind of like the Bridgewater Triangle. Stuff starts to get attributed to it when it's sort of like on the edges of it, on the fringe of it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, yeah, yeah. But I don't think that triangle's hard angles.

[Heather McKinney]

No. What is funny? Cause they'll be like, there's so many disappearances, but now that we have GPS and computers, they've sort of gone down a little bit.

[Christy Wallace]

I'm like.

[Heather McKinney]

So the mystery doesn't like science, is that what we're saying?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. Okay. It doesn't like maps.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, I know that one tip of the Bermuda Triangle hits Fort Lauderdale. And then that was very evident to me growing up in South Florida. Cause every time I would visit Fort Lauderdale, my car would go missing.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Got him. And didn't your father go missing?

[Ed Larson]

Yes, yes, he did.

[Henry Zabrowski]

From your family?

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. And then I found most of them, but his legs were gone still. And so it was.

[Heather McKinney]

You gotta go find that guy who found all the pieces of people. He probably hasn't.

[Christy Wallace]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's your daddy's ankle.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah. Y' all grew up in Florida, though. Did you have as much of a fear of the Bermuda Triangle as we did growing up in Texas? Very far from it.

[Christy Wallace]

I did a book report on in eighth grade that. That really shaped my worldview, that I. I really thought I was gonna get taken by it at some point.

[Henry Zabrowski]

We were told to be afraid of the Cubans and the idea that Florida was gonna be the front lines, that.

[Heather McKinney]

You'Re gonna have to fight for freedom. Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And we're all like, I'm in theater. Well, unfortunately, they'll have to wait for rehearsals of west side Story to be over. But then, don't worry, I shall be on the front lines fighting the maduro forces of Fidel Castro.

[Ed Larson]

I was down here during the whole Ellen Gonzalez stuff.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, wow.

[Ed Larson]

That was. That was like. That was. That was crazy. It was all in the news. But I just love that, like, dolphin saved him and stuff and like, brought him to shore.

[Christy Wallace]

Didn't rape him.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, didn't rape him.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Which shows again, it's not about the mean child molesters. No one ever said a dolphin was a child molester.

[Ed Larson]

No, they like full grown men.

[Heather McKinney]

Dolphins have a specific cheek. And we're not shaming it. Okay.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, no, they just like a screaming man.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Which a lot of people like.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, those dolphins, they take those men from behind. Of course. I'm talking about the Miami Dolphins.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Nice.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. But I remember, like, Ellie and Gonzalez. There was always like cameras outside of his house. House and stuff. And he like, it went straight to his head. He would just like come out and just be like, hi.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Hello, everyone. Hi.

[Heather McKinney]

Hello.

[Christy Wallace]

Like Princess Diana just waved from his stoop at everyone.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I don't remember. We didn't. We like, we like shot his. Shot him in the head or something.

[Ed Larson]

When they finally got him, he was hiding in a closet and they had like an AR15.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I remember the picture. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

But then we just sent him back.

[Christy Wallace]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

What happened to him?

[Ed Larson]

Oh, you know, he's having a great time.

[Christy Wallace]

He's doing great. See, whatever happened to Ellie and Gonzalez.

[Henry Zabrowski]

What if it turns out that he's Benson Boone or something?

[Heather McKinney]

It's like Katy Perry is JonBenet is what people think.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I love the idea that Katy Perry is Jean Benet. Cuz wouldn't that be crazy that that means Justin Trudeau is JonBenet Ramsey?

[Heather McKinney]

So. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

That also means JonBenet Ramsey went to space.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Amazing life. Wow.

[Christy Wallace]

Yeah. What an amazing life she's had. Wow, that's amazing.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Did you love that Russell Brand? Wow.

[Heather McKinney]

My man. Did you love that the guy at the restaurant yesterday who was like, who killed JonBenet Ramsay? And we're like, can I have the salmon, please?

[Henry Zabrowski]

That you got. I don't know if you guys are getting it one by one. As with seeing the lanyards, having the true crime thing, but it was true. Having that man be like, I just want to know. He was like, we had this, what's your pet theory about John? But I ran and he had like a referee shirt on, he had no teeth. And he was just like, my theory, she was killed by hitman. I was just like, I believe the same thing. We started talking hardcore like. Like, I totally believe. It was with the maid and the cook and they helped the guy get in through the basement. And I don't believe it's the brother. And we had a great time. It took him like an hour to bring the food though.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

He was like, all right, well let's get to the bottom of another mystery.

[Christy Wallace]

After the appetizers drop, I have an Elliott Gonzalez update.

[Heather McKinney]

If anyone.

[Christy Wallace]

He still lives in the house he grew up. Grew up in.

[Heather McKinney]

So back Cuba. Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, so he didn't do jack? He didn't try to come back once.

[Heather McKinney]

God damn. Oh, he's like, oh, let me look at America. Are there less guns? No, buddy.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I still remember how that AR15 tastes.

[Christy Wallace]

So yeah, he's married and has a young daughter and her name is Eliz in honor of himself. His mother Elizabeth, who died at sea during the ill fated attempt to escape from Cuba. God damn. So there's that update.

[Heather McKinney]

Hey, sorry your mom died. Anyway.

[Christy Wallace]

Oh, wait a minute. He was elected to a seat in the Cuban National Assembly. He represents the city of Cardenas.

[Heather McKinney]

There you go.

[Christy Wallace]

So he didn't do nothing with his life.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's huge.

[Heather McKinney]

That's big.

[Christy Wallace]

I hadn't got back down to that spot.

[Ed Larson]

I don't know.

[Christy Wallace]

That's my bad.

[Heather McKinney]

Let that be a lesson.

[Christy Wallace]

Read the whole article.

[Heather McKinney]

If the US government holds you at gunpoint, you can go on to be something.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christy Wallace]

That's a good lesson for all of us right now.

[Heather McKinney]

Given.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes.

[Christy Wallace]

Cuz there's a good chance half of us get taken by at gunpoint by ice probably at some point.

[Ed Larson]

Just not today.

[Heather McKinney]

Not today. Not today. They were like, yeah, when you get back, they might want to look through the pictures of your phone. I was like, I have 18,000 pictures on my phone and like 12,000 are screenshots and like 10,000 are JD Vance's face. So lucky.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Good luck.

[Ed Larson]

You think it's bad Luck for Elian Gonzalez to name his daughter after his mother who got lost at sea.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, yeah, well, yeah, you should have named her a better name, like Amelia Earhart or another missing woman.

[Heather McKinney]

Something that survives the ocean. Like Kraken. Yeah, like the Kraken. Like the Kraken.

[Henry Zabrowski]

The Kraken's a woman.

[Heather McKinney]

Dope name. Maybe. Could be. Could be.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Whoa.

[Heather McKinney]

I think it's.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes, please. Talk about a shero.

[Heather McKinney]

Yes, Queen.

[Ed Larson]

Yes, of course.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Crack Kraken. The woman released the Kraken. Of course.

[Ed Larson]

What does the legend of the Kraken come from? It's a Caribbean thing, right?

[Henry Zabrowski]

No, it is islandic.

[Christy Wallace]

Yeah, I think it started in east. That where you just said.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I thought you say it in Mighty Ducks Talk, you know?

[Heather McKinney]

And it's another one of those things where it was like, man, when people didn't have glasses or big ass binoculars, they were like. There was. You won't believe it. There were octopuses the size of the Empire State Building. And now it's like. And where are they now? Now they're like climate change, man.

[Christy Wallace]

That's why we don't see it.

[Henry Zabrowski]

But think about how they talk about the siren song of the. Of the mermaid. And they turned out to be. They said, oh, they were manatees. How many manatees are getting railed by the weirdest pirates they ever met? Just like, they got out there and they're like, ARR, it's too late, I came too far. I gotta fuck this thing.

[Heather McKinney]

The manatees, like, manatees are by the shore.

[Ed Larson]

You're lazy.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I was going for one in the back. I wanted one that wasn't picked over by my boys.

[Christy Wallace]

Touch them. Now it's illegal to pet them, isn't it?

[Heather McKinney]

You can't.

[Ed Larson]

That's why you're illegal too much. You're illegal to pet them, but if they touch you, you could, you could.

[Heather McKinney]

You let them.

[Ed Larson]

You can let it happen.

[Christy Wallace]

Okay, okay, yeah.

[Heather McKinney]

Listen, I looked at the regulations, okay? I wasn't doing anything wrong on that.

[Ed Larson]

Be.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That sounds like, like Sammy Hagar's rules, you know? Like, I can't touch you, man, but if you touch me first.

[Heather McKinney]

Goddamn. Well, we were. Because we did a show about witchcraft a couple weeks ago, and in our research, we found a book that was like Sea Magic and how you can, like, conjure up gods from the depths. So if y' all want to meet us on Deck 12 later on tonight. I don't know, maybe not.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, God, no. That's too much feminine energy combined. That just scared me. I felt that.

[Christy Wallace]

Well, we're all going to fall overboard afterwards. It doesn't matter.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Because I will say it really feels good that Eddie and I are the white man representation on this cruise.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Because it's very often. It's very. It's not very often that we're the only, like, kind of guys here. And it's nice. In a way. It's nice to be amongst you women.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah. I love, Henry, that you said we're the only kind of guys, you know?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Heather McKinney]

Kind of guys.

[Ed Larson]

Guys, do you need. How much period blood do you need on deck seven for the magic?

[Christy Wallace]

A tablespoon.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Who's got their cup in diva? Who's saving their period blood on their diva.

[Christy Wallace]

Where are divas at?

[Heather McKinney]

God damn.

[Christy Wallace]

Yeah, I'm scared of those.

[Henry Zabrowski]

If you're. If you got a diva cup in.

[Christy Wallace]

What my friend got sucking her got.

[Heather McKinney]

Stuck to the wall.

[Ed Larson]

Really?

[Heather McKinney]

Got stuck to the wall. Her boyfriend had to. She had to go on all fours, and he had. Had to. You have to psa. He had to. You got to break the seal with the fingernail.

[Ed Larson]

Nice.

[Henry Zabrowski]

What happened? Was she in, like, a bunch of weird temperatures too fast?

[Heather McKinney]

I don't know. I think it just went to the side, like, I don't know. He took a. And flushed it in the middle of it.

[Ed Larson]

Hell, yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Oh, holy.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah. Hell yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You got to be careful, man.

[Heather McKinney]

Dude, I was like. I was like. I thought he was hot before, and I was like, damn. Like, that takes you up a couple notches in my book.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, to be honest, that's just what. That's, like, why you get married, for sure. Like, there's things that you're going. Like, you don't get married. I mean, obviously for the sex, but a lot of times you're getting married because you got to guarantee somebody that is going to be there when something.

[Heather McKinney]

Horrifically like, you need a procedure. Somebody.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, I was using your diva cup on my hemorrhoid.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Cause I just. Yeah, yeah. It's the shame base. It's the thing that only your wife sees. Like, no one will ever see, or your wife is the only one's gonna see your butthole.

[Heather McKinney]

So intimate. It is.

[Christy Wallace]

Yeah. It's too intimate.

[Heather McKinney]

Don't look at my tank.

[Christy Wallace]

We have to do it because you can't get down there yourself.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No.

[Heather McKinney]

You hurt your back, Bobby Brown.

[Christy Wallace]

That's true love. When he pulled that shit out of Whitney's ass.

[Heather McKinney]

You're wearing the shirt Whitney.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I'm glad that we're. And he's wearing the Whitney. He's wearing The Whitney Shir shirt. Oh, wow.

[Ed Larson]

I want to dance with somebody.

[Heather McKinney]

That's what that song was about.

[Ed Larson]

Whitney Houston's last movie was Sparkle, but what she needed was a snorkel. Come on.

[Henry Zabrowski]

This is True Crime Cruise. I was explaining before, cuz I was like. It was like, oh. We don't want to, like, say anything too offensive and we don't make people upset while we're on this true crime cruise. As you can see, see, because it's a mixed crowd. You don't really know, but in my mind, it's. I feel like we can take it. Yeah, yeah. It's true crime, right?

[Heather McKinney]

Take it.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

We're not like that old lady that was left behind on Izard Lizard island who got picked apart by a bunch of lizards because she was weak.

[Ed Larson]

Did you hear about this? This happened in Australia. Last week there was a cruise in Australia and it stopped at this place called Lizard island for an expedition.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

And they forgot an old lady.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It's where you go where a guy named Jim Morrison will eat giraffes for $50.

[Heather McKinney]

Wait, wait, wait. What was the cruise line?

[Christy Wallace]

What cruise line was it?

[Henry Zabrowski]

I don't.

[Ed Larson]

It's some Australian cruise line, so we're safe down under. But yeah, there's nothing on Lizard island except lizards. And they left her there and they ate her.

[Heather McKinney]

Are there like Gila monsters?

[Christy Wallace]

All types of lizards?

[Ed Larson]

Well, I don't know. Australian lizards. Gila monsters are in Arizona. Well, yeah, you know, if a Gila monster, if they're crazy, if they latch onto you in order, the only way you can get them off of you is if you drown them.

[Heather McKinney]

Whoa.

[Ed Larson]

Like Whitney Houston.

[Heather McKinney]

That took a turn every time. It brings me close to water, dude. Every time. But every time we talk about vermin, I'm always like, should I drown it in a bucket? And Chrissy's like, why do you always talk about drowning stuff in buckets? Now I know I need to keep a bucket in case I get bit by a Gila monster.

[Ed Larson]

When I had a. When I caught a mouse, New York, that was the only way I felt comfortable really was drowning it. Yeah.

[Christy Wallace]

My husband just gets a big rock and smashes.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, no, I'm not doing that.

[Heather McKinney]

We said we could take it. And then immediately everyone in a true crime thing went, oh, oh, oh.

[Ed Larson]

I didn't want to kill it. It was just, you know, in my way of the rest of my life.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

The only thing I've ever drowned is a human woman.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I don't drown animals.

[Christy Wallace]

Have you seen that experiment where they have raw meat and Gila monsters bite it and how it decomposes the meat over a course of few days.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's awesome.

[Christy Wallace]

That's what it does to their prey.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's what happened to that old lady.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And the only reason why. It's not that I don't feel bad for her. It's just they tell you very clearly when to get back on the boat, don't they?

[Heather McKinney]

Listen, but.

[Christy Wallace]

Cause she years since she was old.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I don't know what she was. I think unfortunately the Gila monster was clamped to her vagina.

[Heather McKinney]

Oh, no.

[Ed Larson]

Her kid gave her AirPods for Christmas and it just took her out. Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's why you got to pay attention. You gotta get back on the boat.

[Heather McKinney]

Or like me, don't get off the boat and just eat breakfast and then second breakfast and then wait until the buffet changes from breakfast to lunch and that way you keep your table.

[Christy Wallace]

That's a good tip. I'm so glad this is what they've told us now that she works for the cruise line. Exactly.

[Heather McKinney]

If you need reservations at the restaurant, please.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You are honestly, Heather, I gotta say, it is so refreshing to hear a lady be so correct about buffets and be so dialed into proper. I'm like, I'm so happy with you.

[Christy Wallace]

Like, that's like buried at a buffet.

[Heather McKinney]

Truly. I grew up going to buffets and I grew up with my mama taking Ziploc bags to the buffet.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes.

[Heather McKinney]

And guess who brought 10 Ziploc bags on the cruise?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. That's so smart.

[Heather McKinney]

Hell yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Did your mom. Did your parents do the thing? Because that was a whole. Like, I always remember my father's and you guys all remember this too. Best advice ever heard about buffet. Fuck the spaghetti. Go get the expensive stuff.

[Heather McKinney]

Yes. Don't waste your time on the bread.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Don't get full on bread. Naughty. Don't get full. You get full on meat.

[Heather McKinney]

No.

[Christy Wallace]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You eat that meat. You go to the expensive meat and you. You get that. You hog up the expense of meat.

[Heather McKinney]

My poor dad would be trying to eat a salad. She's like, what are you doing eating that lettuce? The margins on that are so hot.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes. On the way, we literally could get.

[Ed Larson]

A bag of salad.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You can eat that to get it all down. This is the time to eat the steak and the shrimp.

[Christy Wallace]

Get your money's worth.

[Heather McKinney]

That's why when we went to all you can eat steak one night, my dad ate seven steaks.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That's amazing.

[Heather McKinney]

Trail dust and rip, dad. But truly. Yeah, dude. My dad is such a legend.

[Christy Wallace]

That's what I was just about to say. And we just got to see it.

[Heather McKinney]

My dead dad.

[Christy Wallace]

So I'll let you tell it.

[Heather McKinney]

My dad ate so many steaks at Texas Roadhouse in Mesquite, there's a memorial plaque up him right at the entrance when you walk in.

[Ed Larson]

Wow.

[Heather McKinney]

Wow. Shout out to real style. Shout out.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Dude, I can't. You leave.

[Ed Larson]

He died.

[Christy Wallace]

Unrelated.

[Heather McKinney]

Unrelated.

[Christy Wallace]

Unrelated.

[Heather McKinney]

It turns out. Turns out cancer.

[Christy Wallace]

Turns out cigarettes.

[Heather McKinney]

Cigarettes.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Well, that's get you hungry for the steak.

[Heather McKinney]

That's right. Exactly. God damn.

[Ed Larson]

I remember once I was at a buffet with my family. We're a big buffet family. And I was. No way. Yeah, I know, right?

[Heather McKinney]

The biggest baby in Florida was a buffet baby.

[Ed Larson]

Yes, I was the biggest baby in Florida.

[Christy Wallace]

Biggest baby in Florida.

[Ed Larson]

That's right. That's right. I was. You guys know that about me. Fourteen pounds, thirteen and a half ounces. My mother loved her new bananas. I'm just kidding. They had to.

[Christy Wallace]

Surely it was a C section, right?

[Ed Larson]

No, actually, I was too big. They couldn't give her a C section. Yeah, she had to get a double D section.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. Good, Tia.

[Ed Larson]

Come on, come on.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Good Tia. Good Tia. You're like Byron Allen. That's amazing.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, that's great. Truth is, I'm like, second or third biggest baby born in Florida now. But every time there's a new biggest baby born, I fly and beat the.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Shit out of it.

[Heather McKinney]

You get a bucket and you drown it like the mouse. Yeah.

[Christy Wallace]

You'Re keeping that title one way or the other.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, my God. So I just did this tour in Florida and Julie's. And like, I was filming it and stuff. And Julie was like, you should meet other big babies. And I was like, that's a great idea. I was like, would you mind? Like, I've been looking. I haven't been. I haven't been able to find any. She's like, a couple days later, we're drinking at the house just to do it of us. And she's like. She's like, oh, I found one. I was like, what? She's like. She's like, yeah, he was.

[Henry Zabrowski]

He was.

[Ed Larson]

He was 13 pounds, 13 ounces smaller than me. I was like, all right, good. I like being bigger. And she's like, he plays football. He's 10 years old. I was like, cool. Just like me. He's like, he's got a dead mom. I was like, fuck, yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I'm about to wreck this kid's life.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. And she's like, she's like, here's his dad's information. You can DM him whatever. And I was like, all right, cool, thank you. And then like, like she went to bed, I kept drinking and I was like, I just like got like restless and I was like, hey, I was a huge man.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Your son was nowhere near as big as me.

[Ed Larson]

Actually, I was bigger.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I heard your mom's dead and I'm.

[Heather McKinney]

Coming to the state and I want to see your boy.

[Ed Larson]

I really like to talk to your big boy.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I want.

[Heather McKinney]

Who is this?

[Christy Wallace]

Oh, I hope he replied. I hope he replied, no.

[Ed Larson]

I'm so lucky I'm not in prison. He really like, if he was a good father, he would have hunted me down and killed me.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, dude, you have to stop asking to meet father's big boys.

[Ed Larson]

Who's got a big boy in a.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Room'S got a big boy?

[Ed Larson]

I'll follow you meets big boy.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Honestly, there's some big boys out in the ship.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, there are, man. I did see a fat boy and I was like, that's me.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I was like, that's me.

[Ed Larson]

I like wanna take em to the buffet and be like, this one's for you. You get that?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah. There's nothing, Honestly, there is just something heartwarming about a chubby cheeked little ginger fuck just slopping down macaroni and cheese and just love seeing their God, their evil faces, all those little up on.

[Heather McKinney]

11, they've got like an ice cream machine and a guy has to do it out so you don't fuck the machine. And there were kids up there at like 10am Just mashing it in their face.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Give it to me, give it to me. Yeah. Cause their parents, their parents are doing that with alcohol the floor down and they're just letting them go.

[Christy Wallace]

When we were watching the flow rider yesterday, the kids that came up behind us, one of them goes, I just weighed myself, I've already gained two pounds.

[Heather McKinney]

I was like, what time could this ship board?

[Christy Wallace]

10:00Am and I was like, it's five. You already gained two pounds.

[Ed Larson]

That's amazing.

[Heather McKinney]

That's amazing.

[Ed Larson]

And I miss being a kid, dude. And that was like, still cool. Yeah, you're just like actively trying to kill yourself with food.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You're like, I ate as much as I could and I threw up.

[Heather McKinney]

Now when you do it, all your friends stage an intervention instead.

[Christy Wallace]

You do the now you gotta go to rehab.

[Henry Zabrowski]

You're bitching and purging and you're in a shame spiral.

[Christy Wallace]

Did y' all make yourselves pass out as kids?

[Ed Larson]

Oh, yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Love that.

[Ed Larson]

I was so worried I killed my friend, but he woke up.

[Heather McKinney]

It's like we would do that and then you like, oh, this is kind of like without the jacking off. Autoerotic asphyxiation.

[Henry Zabrowski]

It is, yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, that's an alarm telling us to start choking each other.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yeah, the auto erotic asphyxiation.

[Ed Larson]

All right, it's 4 o'.

[Heather McKinney]

Clock.

[Henry Zabrowski]

All right. This is the only way I can.

[Ed Larson]

Come on a boat. I couldn't afford the drink package, so.

[Christy Wallace]

That'S why they have the toilet. Toilets. You just gotta.

[Heather McKinney]

Just turn around. Face forward.

[Christy Wallace]

Yeah, face the toilet. Next time.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Yes. Now, before we depart, is there any last. What true crime elements do we hope to see in the next couple of days before the end of our trip?

[Heather McKinney]

Oh, my true crime element is I feel like no matter where you're at, there's something you could see. So eyes up. There's gotta be. I found two ducks. Accidentally not crime wave. One of them said crz. Dks. Crazy dicks. Or I. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, it's crazy dick.

[Christy Wallace]

You found the crazy dick duck.

[Heather McKinney]

I found the crazy dick duck.

[Ed Larson]

A bunch of crazy dicks.

[Heather McKinney]

Then I found another duck that had a label on it that said, if you find this message, Jim and Linda. And I was like, I'm telling you.

[Christy Wallace]

Where'S that upside down pie dust?

[Heather McKinney]

Jimin.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Don't worry, Jimin. Linda were watching the dog. They were just like, yeah, no, we got another one stone thrown into the trap.

[Heather McKinney]

My. My element is I want a lot of eyewitnesses. So keep your peepers up and find some good shit and come tell me about it.

[Christy Wallace]

Hell yeah. Oh, well, I'm hoping for stuff back on land because death waits for no one.

[Heather McKinney]

Oh.

[Ed Larson]

That'S so dark.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I love that.

[Ed Larson]

It's oddly like the. The most horrible thing said today.

[Henry Zabrowski]

No, I like it. It makes me feel at home.

[Christy Wallace]

I open the news and I'm like.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Soon.

[Heather McKinney]

Did it happen today? Not today.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Soon. We'll see. Once he sees the other news, he might not. He might not do very well either.

[Ed Larson]

I wonder if I. I hope Jake Cheney can die again.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah, that be fun.

[Ed Larson]

That'd be great. If we woke up tomorrow and like, Dick Cheney died again, you're like, wow, that's great.

[Henry Zabrowski]

All I can hope for. And I mean this, I mean this as nicely as I can. If the worst woman on boat could go missing, Henry Zabrowski, just so that we can be interviewed.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

That is the only reason why if.

[Heather McKinney]

We get interviewed, I'm going to be like my mother in law and be like, the crew was trying their best, y'. All.

[Henry Zabrowski]

I'm not even mad, but I also would love to do one of those. Her frown darkened a room she hated to. I don't want to tell you that miserable bitch is actually happier being a corpse world happier.

[Heather McKinney]

Look, you like watch out for me though. Cause right before we got on the boat, my husband goes, you looked so full of life today. And I go, what the fuck?

[Henry Zabrowski]

No, no, no. Say I look empty eyed and sullen.

[Heather McKinney]

Thank you. I go, did I light the room up too? Yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Abs, please do not.

[Heather McKinney]

He goes, at Target. You looked pretty. I'll take it back. You looked pretty. I was like. So now I'm no longer full of life.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Now guess who also doesn't get trafficked? This person.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Somewhere too lazy to do it.

[Heather McKinney]

I'm going to bum you out.

[Christy Wallace]

Once we get the soup brothel going. I think there's a spot for you.

[Heather McKinney]

That's where you're going.

[Ed Larson]

The worst part about human trafficking is how long it takes, right? Beep beep, beep. Come on, it's starting earlier every year. What is it? 3pm?

[Henry Zabrowski]

Human trafficking has started Sinisterhood. Hell yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Henry and I are gonna be performing at 10am tomorrow.

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah.

[Henry Zabrowski]

We are. We're gonna be day drinking for that one, so please enjoy that.

[Ed Larson]

Sunglasses, please bring your sunglasses. It's gonna be out after the bar crawl tonight. It's gonna be a hungover show, so we're gonna be doing our best. Make sure you get your shit sucked out of your toilets.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And make a loud cheer because you're live on side stories and Sinisterhood. Thank you.

[Heather McKinney]

Thank you.

[Ed Larson]

Just for fun, let me give a. Hail Satan.

[Heather McKinney]

Hail Satan.

[Christy Wallace]

What time is our show?

[Heather McKinney]

9Am 9am 9am we'll see you on our show 9am on Thursday.

[Henry Zabrowski]

Are you doing. Are you going to be drinking during yours?

[Heather McKinney]

Yeah, we'll be something during that. We're going to be. We'll be on a lot of coffee and something else. But we're doing the Captain Phillips and he got taken by the pirates at like 7am so it's. I feel like we're all going to feel very empathetic or will be. I don't know, that guy might be a dumbass.

[Henry Zabrowski]

And if you guys are looking for any heroin, I got some. So come grab it. Hail Satan, everyone. Peace.

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