Side Stories: Darts & Farts

Summary

Last Podcast on the Left: Side Stories - Darts & Farts (June 25, 2025)

Hosted by The Last Podcast Network, "Last Podcast on the Left" delves into the darkest corners of real and imagined horrors. In the "Side Stories: Darts & Farts" episode, hosts Henry Zebrowski and Marcus Parks explore a variety of bizarre and macabre tales, blending dark humor with chilling narratives.

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1. Sperm Racing Frenzy

[01:32 - 09:08]

The episode kicks off with an unconventional and humorous exploration of sperm racing, a bizarre phenomenon highlighted by the National Institute of Spermatozoa Exploration. Henry introduces the concept:

Henry Zebrowski [01:36]: "...they created a super tiny track and there's a bunch of commentators and two guys, they ejaculate into petri dishes and then they race their sperm each other."

Marcus Parks expresses skepticism about the contestants' techniques:

Marcus Parks [02:02]: "They could just get drunk and move the sperm, but if you can get the sperm to move faster, that's a win."

The hosts delve into the implications of such competitions, joking about the state of modern sperm quality and the lengths individuals might go to compete:

Henry Zebrowski [03:33]: "I just feel like if my semen were in there, they'd just be log jamming the other tracks."

The discussion takes a satirical turn as they imagine the sperm behaving with personalities, enhancing the absurdity of the sport.

---

2. The Karen Reed Murder Trial

[10:03 - 19:47]

Transitioning to a more serious topic, Henry and Marcus dissect the high-profile case of Karen Reed, a financial advisor accused of murdering Boston police officer John O'Keefe.

Henry outlines the case dynamics:

Henry Zebrowski [12:06]: "Karen Reed left early from a party and John O'Keefe was found dead in the snow. They claim she hit him with her SUV."

They critique the handling of the investigation, highlighting police corruption and mishandling of evidence:

Marcus Parks [14:40]: "If you ever think about killing somebody, you know, do all your text messages months ahead of your Google searches."

Despite the odds, Karen Reed's trial results in her exoneration—a rare outcome in cases tainted by police corruption. The hosts commend her ability to navigate the legal system and manage public perception.

Henry Zebrowski [16:11]: "She had a lot of money. She managed to get herself out in front of cameras. She was on Dateline and all these things."

Their analysis underscores the challenges of prosecuting corrupt law enforcement and the impact of media presence on legal outcomes.

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3. The Disturbing Disneyland Paris Wedding

[25:21 - 44:35]

In perhaps the most unsettling side story, Henry and Marcus recount the case of a British man attempting to marry a 9-year-old girl at Disneyland Paris.

Henry provides the grim details:

Henry Zebrowski [33:34]: "He set up an elaborate fairy tale wedding, renting out Disneyland Paris for €115,000..."

As hundreds of guests arrive, it's revealed they're all paid actors, including Ukrainian nationals posing as the bride's family. The scenario unravels when Disneyland staff notice the inappropriate nature of the event, especially the involvement of a minor.

Marcus Parks laments the ease with which such a situation was orchestrated:

Marcus Parks [36:56]: "And you have a nine-year-old to choose plates? Just get him to sit still long enough to say, you're going to be my wife soon."

The hosts critique the perpetrator's twisted motives, emphasizing the predatory nature of such actions:

Henry Zebrowski [39:14]: "He's a pedophile with that X factor."

They discuss the legal repercussions and societal outrage, painting a bleak picture of the lengths some individuals will go to perpetrate abuse under the guise of fantasy.

---

4. The Magdalene Laundries Scandal

[44:37 - 51:30]

Henry and Marcus shift focus to a historical atrocity involving the Magdalene Laundries in Ireland. These institutions, run by Catholic nuns, housed unwed mothers and their children, leading to the tragic deaths of 798 infants.

Henry details the inhumane conditions:

Henry Zebrowski [46:37]: "The home was a maternity home for unwed mothers and their children run by a religious order of Catholic nuns."

They discuss the horrifying discovery of the remains, primarily dumped in septic tanks, and the broader implications of institutional abuse:

Marcus Parks [45:22]: "The unmarried pregnant women were sent to the home to give birth and then interned for a year to do unpaid work."

The conversation highlights the systemic failure and moral corruption within these institutions, leading to governmental apologies and compensation schemes for survivors.

Marcus Parks [48:33]: "The Magdalene laundries closed their doors in the 1990s. Ireland's government issued a formal state apology in 2014."

Through this discussion, the hosts shed light on the dark legacy of institutional abuse and the long road to justice for the victims.

---

5. Adam Christopher Sheaf's Violent Rampage

[59:48 - 73:35]

One of the episode's most intense moments covers the story of Adam Christopher Sheaf, a man from Flagstaff, Arizona, who brutally crucified a pastor.

Henry recounts the tragic events:

Henry Zebrowski [60:17]: "He broke into a pastor's home and crucified him to his wall."

They express horror at the premeditated violence, with Adam targeting 14 pastors nationwide:

Marcus Parks [61:14]: "14 pastors around the nation... Starting in Phoenix where he was born."

The hosts dissect Adam's twisted rationale, linking it to his personal vendetta against religious figures and his delusional quest for vengeance. They also touch on his tattoos and psychological state, portraying him as a deeply troubled individual driven by extremist beliefs.

Henry Zebrowski [63:16]: "He made his dream happen at 51."

Despite the severity of his actions, the conversation maintains a darkly humorous tone as the hosts navigate the macabre details, emphasizing the need for societal awareness of such violent ideologies.

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6. The Outrageous Dart Competitions

[73:35 - 80:20]

Injecting humor into the episode, Henry and Marcus explore the peculiar world of professional darts infused with crude antics. They narrate tales of dart players who use farts as a competitive edge, mocking the lack of regulations in the sport.

Henry illustrates the absurdity:

Henry Zebrowski [66:11]: "How he won was controversial because he loaded up stinky farts on his opponent and then he won."

The hosts debate the legitimacy and sportsmanship of such tactics, ultimately embracing the ridiculousness of mixing bodily functions with professional competition. They highlight specific instances, like James Wade's controversial victories, blending descriptive humor with comedic critique.

Marcus Parks [68:19]: "The second time he did it was a little egregious."

The discussion culminates in satirical suggestions for enhancing the sport, emphasizing the hosts' ability to find humor in the most bizarre scenarios.

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Conclusion and Upcoming Events

[80:16 - 80:56]

While adhering to the user's instruction to exclude advertisements, the hosts briefly touch upon their upcoming live shows and encourage listeners to join them at various venues. They conclude with playful banter, maintaining the show's characteristic mix of dark topics and humor.

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Notable Quotes:

• Henry Zebrowski [03:33]: "If my semen were in there, they'd just be log jamming the other tracks."

• Marcus Parks [14:40]: "If you ever think about killing somebody, you know, do all your text messages months ahead of your Google searches."

• Henry Zebrowski [39:14]: "He's a pedophile with that X factor."

• Henry Zebrowski [46:37]: "The home was a maternity home for unwed mothers and their children run by a religious order of Catholic nuns."

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Insights and Themes:

• Dark Humor: The hosts seamlessly blend macabre stories with irreverent humor, making heavy topics more approachable while maintaining respect for the gravity of certain subjects.

• Critique of Institutions: Whether it's corrupt police forces or abusive religious institutions, the episode underscores systemic failures and the challenges of seeking justice within flawed systems.

• Human Nature and Extremism: Through stories like Adam Christopher Sheaf's, the podcast explores the depths of human extremism and the factors that drive individuals to commit heinous acts.

• Absurdity in Modern Sports: The segment on dart competitions highlights society's embrace of the absurd, questioning the boundaries of sportsmanship and competition.

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Conclusion:

"Side Stories: Darts & Farts" offers a compelling mix of dark narratives and humor, showcasing the hosts' ability to tackle serious topics with a unique blend of empathy and satire. From sperm racing to institutional abuses, the episode provides listeners with thought-provoking content wrapped in the show's signature blunt and irreverent style.

Transcript

[Henry Zebrowski]

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[Marcus Parks]

There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast on the left side stories.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. Got the ghost out of me. I'm ready to go. This is what I was thinking, is that immediately. I don't know how long we're gonna get into this. Onto the show.

[Marcus Parks]

What are you talking about in terms.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Of this sperm race?

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Looking at this immediately. This was sent. This was at the top of our side stories document today for some reason. And, and I was going through it and the idea is that they created a super tiny track and there's a bunch of commentators and two guys, they ejaculate into petri dishes and then they. They race their spe each other.

[Marcus Parks]

Now, do they, like, jerk off at each other?

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's the first leg of the race.

[Marcus Parks]

So, like. So, like, because to me, that's the most interesting part.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I feel like that's. If you're gonna do like a decathlon.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. If they're, like, staring at each other's eyes, you know, and then jerking off into it, that's part of the race. Right. It's like, who can come faster?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I mean, it depends on how deep you want to go to. I think it depends on the league. I think it depends on the league that is sperm racing. You can go and check it out. The National Institute of Spermatozoa Exploration is this very funny little company that is. I have no idea what this is. It's some Kind of God knows where. This. This.

[Marcus Parks]

They're basically.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They're trying to. They're saying that there's like a male fertility problem in the younger guys, which I've heard, blah, blah, blah. I mean, I don't know. My. I honestly think that my. My semen is. I have one.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And he's retired.

[Marcus Parks]

I smoke so much weed that my sperm's so dumb, it comes out my butt.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We've talked about this. We've all talked about this. And talked about it with your doctor. I've talked about it with your lovely dentist who listens to the show.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And even she said it was really worriso how you've been going at your butt.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. No, it's nice, though. You know, it's. Be surprised. It's like a double come when it come out your butt. Wow.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Really?

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. No, it's really cool. And then. So I think I would have an extra edge over these people, because the thing is, when you shoot out your butt, it really. It sprays.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think that if I semen into these. This arena. And it's two different tracks, and they're. The two tracks are built to, I guess, replicate the tubes that go towards the eggs, Right. And it's a microscopic track, and you could see the semen race along with. And I just feel like if my seamen were in there, they'd just be kind of log jamming the other tr.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, yeah, no, my seamen are very eeyore, like, you know.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yeah, yours are. They're having a sandwich, they lost their.

[Marcus Parks]

Tail, and they don't give a.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Your semen is sitting under a tree with a lemonade. You know what I mean? No, it is not. Enjoy. It's not on the run. It's not getting. Trying to get to work.

[Marcus Parks]

What even matters is their quote. I believe I really.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Why? Why all this for my semen on the tombstone?

[Marcus Parks]

Did someone not put water in the bong? That's what my se.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, yeah. Hey, why is it so dry in here? Welcome to Side Stories. My name is Henry Zabowski. I'm sitting here with the slow seated Ed Larson.

[Marcus Parks]

Every time I come, it makes this noise.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, whoa. Like Dom Deloise. Mine goes machine gun.

[Marcus Parks]

More of a leak than a spray.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, no, we all are.

[Marcus Parks]

Trickle.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, I know you are, and I know I am. And I know every man that listens.

[Marcus Parks]

To this show is as they should be because I sit on my nuts for a living.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Hey, that's his job.

[Marcus Parks]

I'm waiting for these fuckers. To hatch how long I sit on.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He knows where his nuts are at all times. And that's all a man can do. Okay, so first of all, before we begin, I'd like to thank everybody that watched the behind the Veil. Yes, beyond the Veil. Beyond the Veil. Behind the Veil is what we're gonna call what we're gonna release it, which is true. The beyond the Veil with R.H. davis. Obviously, I had an idea that it was going to be polarizing, which I do think.

[Marcus Parks]

Of course it is.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's quite funny to me. But I also want to give a shout out to our crew that crushed it hardcore. We made a television show with nothing. Nobody made any money.

[Marcus Parks]

A week and a half of work.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It literally was pret. These guys. The way these guys push this, put all of this together, was absolutely amazing. But just so you know, none of us made any money. No one involved in the production.

[Marcus Parks]

Except for the lost 95 on the suit.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We all lost money. So just know that it was a fun flex of what we could do creatively here at lpn. And we are going to be releasing it on vod. We don't quite know in the way we're going to do it, but I think it's going to be mass available and it's going to be for free and it's going to include commentary from us about everything went into to it and everything that came out of it. You down with vod?

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, you know me.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And so that's what we're gonna do. We're. We're. So. You'll see it all and we'll, you know, uncut. And with our commentary, we just haven't figured out the timing on that. But that is coming towards you.

[Marcus Parks]

So we should definitely, you know, like. What are you talking about? It's two hours long.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They're gonna have to sit every minute because I'm not hiding behind anything and I want.

[Marcus Parks]

Hiding anything. It's just like edit for time.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's their job, is to go through it. That's the audience's job. Our job is to make it, is to watch it as presented. So. And that's how we're going to do it.

[Marcus Parks]

But you're talking about adding to it. Yeah, adding commentary.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's all they want. Look at all the. This is what they want. Eddie.

[Marcus Parks]

It was. It was pretty. It was pretty awesome to see how many people watched it. And it was a great. I had a wonderful time. I'm glad it was polarizing, to be honest with you. No, no, there's no Way it couldn't be.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, knew it was. It's all my idea, buddy. It's all my idea. So I'm totally. I accept and thank you for your anger.

[Marcus Parks]

I'm here for. I'm here to learn, man. I'm here to have a good time.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Absolutely.

[Marcus Parks]

I don't know if I believed any of it, but it was certainly was a lot of fun.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All of my reactions I'm saving for the re. When we put it out for the vod. You're going to hear all of my thoughts and I have many thoughts about what went down. And I currently have a ghost in my home right now. Yeah, that is also a thing we're going to talk about. But I'm saving all of that now.

[Marcus Parks]

Is your ghost semen racing? Like is that. Is it. That was your shooting ghost.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's my goal.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, no, you're talking about my goal. You're talk about my vision board. That's different. These little children that run the sperm racing, that's what I don't trust. What I don't trust is the children with the vials of my come. You have two bullheaded 19 year olds with jars of calm in front of them that I think that like this is going to be a problem.

[Marcus Parks]

Wow. Now can I ask you something? Can we go back to the sperm thing real quick? I got. I got several questions and theories.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Okay.

[Marcus Parks]

Gooners. Do you think that gooners would be exceptional. Well at this or would theirs be dead on arrival?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Sometimes gooning, I think destroys your expulsive. Yeah like abilities. But also I don't know whether.

[Marcus Parks]

Shoot. Do they die in the balls or do they like. Or do they come out like racehorses?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Side stories. LPOTL gmail.com does the sperm of Gooners, is it stronger or is it weaker? I wanted to hear from scientists.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

There has to be somebody out there that's doing the science on gooning.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

There has to be one or two scientists somehow involved with either the Angela White or the Gianna Michaels industry that have gone in there. And then it must be helping these people with gooning and its effect on semen retention.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And semen productivity.

[Marcus Parks]

No poon. All good.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. I mean that's the. That's all they do.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Only. It's only goon. Don't worry about that.

[Marcus Parks]

All right, so spoon the goon. That's because they like to be held.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's what these guys are doing.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah. Now these children here that are running this sperm event. Yes. These. Yeah. These kids are way. These kids are definitely under 18.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't know who these kids. I don't know who the children. They have put on the sperm racing Twitter account that they're the two mushroom headed children that are literally holding vials of semen.

[Marcus Parks]

Lab coat.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Yeah. But that anybody can have a lab coat on. Do you remember the guy?

[Marcus Parks]

Rubber gloves to protect them from the semen or for jerking off fellas.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't know what they're doing. I think they might be catching the semen in their hands. But yes, they got this semen race is going on hardcore. But you remember in CVS they used to do that in New York, semen racing. But the guys. Well, that was. They used to call it something else.

[Marcus Parks]

That was. Yeah, that was just coming in the floor.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

You know, that was the spill on aisle 12.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You were also just being told, you better come right now or I'm gonna come on you instead of with you. And so I'm like, you know, I always. I'm a yes. And guy. CBS used to do the thing where they used to have blood pressure. Oh, I missed. Where he just have like a homeless man in a. In a lab coat. Oh, that guy.

[Marcus Parks]

There was that one guy outside of Duane Reade and in Ridgewood who would always be like, check your blood pressure as you walk by.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And then why is the cuff so small?

[Marcus Parks]

I used to always argue with that guy because he used to always tell me I always have great blood pressure. It's the one thing I got going for me health wise.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Marcus Parks]

Always have phenomenal blood pressure right on the money every day, always, for all of time. And then he would always at me like, you don't know. It's good. I'm like, I know it's good.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's fine.

[Marcus Parks]

And then, you know, I checked it one time. He's like, it's good. I'm like, I told you so.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Sometimes you don't got to worry about fighting, Eddie. Sometimes you got to let it go. No, I remember. I want to get into some news and we'll get into. We'll talk more about our lives.

[Marcus Parks]

I like blood pressure machines.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I know. We will talk about blood pressure machines. Let's talk about some news and then we'll. We'll come back around. I promise you. The news you can use. First of all, Karen Reed, not guilty. Now, I didn't really cover this that in depth.

[Marcus Parks]

You were in love with the story and then you abandoned it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, I watched the first trial.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And then it's Been a lot of other trials that I've been watching more closely that have also then gotten boring. Lori Valo trial is now. It's over, it's done. She's now going to go into an appeals. All the appeals are boring. P. Diddy trial unfortunately has entered into a bit of a boring zone. They are now currently watching the sex tapes of Diddy publicly in court.

[Marcus Parks]

It's crazy how that's the boring part.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh yes. Because they're saying that it's also. He's listening to his own music while watching a sex worker, his wife. And you're watching him in the stand at. In trial like Bob in his head do his own music which is again that's producer. Good to be there. You know.

[Marcus Parks]

I mean. I mean he wrote the songs, he likes it. You know I love a murder fist video.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Same. I watch my stuff all the time. I could see him pissing in his own cup drinking it just through Am I just getting the nostalgia on his lip hearing it back in there. Like I remember I got that guy good and shiny that Tuesday. But then. But the biggest. So I didn't have time to watch the new Karen Reed trial.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So Karen Reed was accused of killing John o' Keefe. That was a Boston police officer. That was a. They were I guess a part of the little small town in Massachusetts and they were deeply connected to this very intense cop family that they were all partying at after hours. And then John o' Keefe, Karen Reed left early. She was dating John o' Keefe.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

John o' Keefe ends up dead in the snow. In the snow. And Karen Reed is blamed. They say that Karen. Karen Reed hit him with her SUV because she was in fight.

[Marcus Parks]

She was driving drunk.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They all partied all night. These guys party like only 45 to 50 year old cops can. I don't know how they can't. I don't know how they can all party that hard until 7am I know the answers go hard. I know it's cocaine.

[Marcus Parks]

When I worked at the poor house, the cops would go hard. They were scary. They would talk about like getting drunk and shooting out street lights when the subway came by. Those guys are nuts, dude.

[Henry Zebrowski]

These guys are the. The night that they describe of all of these cops hanging out is just sounds like a lot they went to. They had like a bit of a bar crawl. Then they went to I believe it was the McCabe house for the after party. And when they got out there. So Karen Reed, John o' Keefe, they had some kind of she didn't want to be there.

[Marcus Parks]

They were constantly fighting.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. They had a very tumultuous relationship. And so they. John o' Keefe says this. I want to go into this afterparty. John o' Keefe goes into the afterparty after they drive in from the. The main city out to where they live. Karen Reed goes home. He's found dead in the morning. They say that she hit him with her suv. What is then found is like, you know, essentially all these investigators fucked up the job. And what is the reason why this is such a big deal is because this is one of the very, very few cases that cuts through the corruption of the local police. Yeah. And actually comes out with an exoneration. This almost never happens when you went through the text mess of all the inspectors talking. I need you to focus. I need you to focus. We're gonna get you some food. We get you some food. So chewing all the sound equipment on.

[Marcus Parks]

Top of the microwave. That's a flour tortilla.

[C]

Right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But all the investigators were super casual and gross about Karen Reed. They were all asking, who's got nudes? They. All that stuff came out in trial. Like, they all were talking massive against this woman. We know that one of the ladies connected to the cop family where the afterparty was happening had googled after Karen Reed had left the whole.

[Marcus Parks]

Long to die in cold.

[Henry Zebrowski]

How long to die in cold?

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And that was a big deal. That kind of swayed the. The people, swayed the jury, really.

[Marcus Parks]

If you want to. If you're ever thinking about killing somebody, you know, do all your text messages months ahead of all your Google searches. Months ahead of time.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Key is do it at the library. At the library also. I mean, this. You know, we hate giving tips to criminals, but write it on a piece of paper.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Burn it. I would also do more talking.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Less texting. Because the cops also incriminated themselves on text. And one of the big things that kept happening was that the main investigator would arrive. He would. There would be no evidence, and all of a sudden, he discovers something new.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And so that was the stuff. Like, it had been raining and snowing, and it was all this horrible weather. But then somehow all of this perfect. These. The. The shattered light from the back of her. Her. The bat. The shattered back headlight from her. Her brake light on her suv. That glass is found all of a sudden, just sitting kind of lightly on top of the snow where it should.

[Marcus Parks]

Be under the snow.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. And then there's also the we. But she. There's no evidence to show where she got her brake light. Broken downs like it was a full on fix. So it to be on. It's just kind of a wild thing. The idea of beating a bunch of Massachusetts cops in court.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Is it doesn't happen. And at large life is going to.

[Marcus Parks]

Be hell now she has to move.

[Henry Zebrowski]

She'll leave. Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

She'll have to leave Massachusetts for sure.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Probably. But also Karen Reed. It's an example about how like she was a financial advisor. So she had a lot of money. So she managed to get herself out on Bell during an extreme. At a high mark too. Which is most like one of the hardest parts that people can have because obviously the Internet really did help. The social pressure helped, which is she got out in front of cameras. She was like on 2020 and Dateline and all these things.

[Marcus Parks]

She had her own TV show.

[Henry Zebrowski]

She got to put her case out in front of the American people because she had the cash flow to get out of jail.

[Marcus Parks]

And also I watched that ID show or whatever the. That's on Max. I don't know if it was ID but whatever. Who cares. It seemed like it was a really bad idea for her to be doing that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh yeah. No, it's always bad. No one should be. You should not be talking.

[Marcus Parks]

A friend. She's obviously.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That lady's pretty smart. Karen Reed's pretty smart. Karen.

[Marcus Parks]

Likable.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes, she's smart, likable. She's got that. She's got a great attorney and you know, and the. The people saw. The people saw.

[Marcus Parks]

So now that she's not guilty, are they going to go after these? We still have a. We have still have a murdered cop here.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I believe they are all. I know that they were all suspended. The investigator, I forget his name. The head investigator was so butthurt about all of this. He was like is kind of talking about how you know, like you know, there's no way you could possibly be like this kind of a big plant. And it was like you guys did it over text message.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You talked to each other about how you were going to log jam this woman. And maybe you cops should maybe know they read the text messages.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And then when they go into court give. It's gonna be. I don't tell you, you're gonna need a killer too. Sorry Cops. Unfortunately, if you wanted to get away with this, you should have killed Karen Reed as well. And then probably killed a couple other people as well. I mean I'm just saying if you're gonna go in for One in for a penny. You're in for a dollar.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. No. Yeah. So let's see what happens, because I feel like they kind of have to go after these police officers now.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, they don't got to do anything.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because they could just say that. I think that they're all suspended right now. Everybody's suspended. I think that they're going to let this go to sleep after a long period of time and then they'll just kind of come back. They will eventually come back because largely, I think mostly it's very hard to prove the corruption, but it's not hard to prove that they everything up.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, they should at least get fired, but.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, very, very hard. Do you think about Massachusetts cops mentality?

[Marcus Parks]

You know, I worked with the Boston police and they weren't as horrible as I thought they were going to be.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's not about horrible, but it is about loyalty, no matter what.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Loyalty, no matter what does even. Which we always say it's the problem because it brings good cops in with all the bad cops. And that's the. That is the problem.

[Marcus Parks]

Problem.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So you have to. All they. Everyone's trying to protect each other. And when it comes down to that, that's where all the corruption comes.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. There are plenty of bad cops.

[Henry Zebrowski]

There are. But also, let's give more praise to our mediocre cops.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, absolutely. Because, like, you know, the useless ones are very helpful.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They're just in there filling out uniforms, doing their jobs, making sure that, you know, like, they're directing protests.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Too lazy to hit anybody.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know, they're the guys making sure that, you know, like. Like you're parking right somewhere. So give it up for the mediocre.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes. And I really want to thank the LAPD for stepping it up and really beating the out of us and not letting the military do it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, let us let our homegrown police do it for us.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Okay. We don't need your federal response. Let the police just beat the hell out of us here because they're great at it.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. And if they don't beat the out of us, what are they going to do?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't know. Why are we outsourcing? This is like one of my biggest problems here is that we're outsourcing our violence when we have plenty of locally sourced violence.

[Marcus Parks]

These are bad guys.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They could beat and beat us and they could rape us with broom poles and stuff like that. It's totally in their sphere. They're totally good at it.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. If they don't Beat us. They're going to beat someone else.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, so let them beat us. Yeah. Yeah. Cuz they'll come to your city. They're going to leave.

[Marcus Parks]

If the LAPD doesn't start fighting the firemen or something.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Dude, they're going to go to. They're going to go to Arizona. They're going to start beating up people in Arizona. That's what you want? Is that what you want?

[Marcus Parks]

What you want it? Please just hold her.

[Henry Zebrowski]

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[Marcus Parks]

You're traveling. It's summer. Let's face it. You're going to do something. Maybe you're a teacher. You got a bunch of free time. You're still getting paid. What are you gonna do? You're gonna go somewhere weird that you never been before and leaving the country, it's already stressful. It's good to just know a little bit more about where you're going. Whether it's Mexico or France. It's good to know a little bit more about how to communicate with the people where you're going. And plus, you know, you gotta know what you're ordering off the menu. What are we even talking about here? At least for the waiters and waitresses across the world. Learn a couple things. Start speaking a new language with confidence thanks to Babel's conversation based technique that quickly teaches you useful words and phrases about the things you actually talk about in the real world. Languages available on Babbel are English, German, Spanish, Italian, French, Brazilian, Portuguese, Turkish, Polish, Indonesian, Dutch, Norwegian, Danish, Swedish and Russian. So go to one of those places and talk to the people. One thing that I love, and you obviously know that I love this, it's talking. And I want to talk to everyone no matter where I am. And so traveling the world is amazing. You learn so much about everyone everywhere, especially if you can actually talk to them. So let Babel help you out with that. Learn another language. Babel is gifting our listeners 55% off [e-mail] left get up to 55% [e-mail] left spelled B A B B E L.com left babbel.com left rules and restrictions may apply.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know that moment at night when you're locking up, turning off the lights and you just want to feel completely safe before heading to bed? That's what Simply Safe can give you. You or an exoskeleton that you sleep in. Most security systems only take action after someone breaks in, but Simply Safe's new active Guard outdoor production helps stop break ins before they happen. They're arresting criminals at their homes. And the new vacation sweep that Simply Safe has was pretty amazing. Can also catch criminals when they're on vacation. We love Simply Safe. It keeps our laughter safe and it keeps it close. Visit simply safe.com lpotl to claim 50% off a new system with a professional monitoring plan and get your first month free. That's simply safe.com lpotl there's no safe like simply safe. All right, now, second big update. Amber Lynn, former host of World's of Worst Cooks in America.

[Marcus Parks]

Is this an update?

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, it's a brand new story. AMBER L. This is a story that I love, right?

[Marcus Parks]

This is a story.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This is a woman that I have no idea. She's a celebrity chef. It is another mark against World's Worst Cooks in America. The worst cooks in America. I tell you the story about how the winner, I believe, of the third season, third or fifth season of Worst Cooks in America killed their daughter.

[Marcus Parks]

So are you like, if You're a bad cook. Are you the worst cook or did he win because he killed his daughter? That makes you a bad.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Would be huge. It was a lady and it would be huge. It would be huge.

[Marcus Parks]

But was it murder or.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, it said food. It's that you're a horrible cook and then by the end, you get to be a good cook. Yeah, it was. Yeah, it was. It was the chicken fricassee that killed the nine year olds. No, it wasn't neglect. And the mother killed. Mother killed her daughter that won Worst Cooks. Right. And we all thought that's the worst thing that Food Network's ever gonna have to deal with.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because they deleted that entire season. It's so funny.

[Marcus Parks]

Really?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yeah. They buried it. They've buried it. Forget when it was work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was Ariel Robinson, 20. Yeah. From in May 2022. She was. She won. And yeah, she. The. The child died from blunt force trauma. It's very sad, but I still don't know.

[Marcus Parks]

Is she the best of the worst or is she the worst of the worst? How does the winning of wor, though?

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's got nothing to do with murdering your daughter.

[Marcus Parks]

I know it's got nothing to do with murdering your daughter.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Mostly it's got to do with cooking.

[Marcus Parks]

But I'm just saying, was she the worst cook or the best of the worst?

[Henry Zebrowski]

She was the best of the worst.

[Marcus Parks]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's the idea. That's why she won. She, her, her cooking won most. Like, essentially most improved.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So Amber l hosted this for a long time and then stepped away from it. Well, with Duff Goldman, she was working with this, and then she had a working relationship with Duff Goldman. For those of you don't know Duff.

[Marcus Parks]

Goldman, no idea who this is.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The cake boss. Right.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, okay. I know Cake Boss. I didn't know he had a name, though. I thought he was just Cake Boss.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Everyone has a name. No, I'm wrong. Oh, my God, I'm wrong. The whole world is gonna come for me. That is. I'm wrong. The cake boss's buddy Valastro, Okay, Duff Goldman is cake rapist. What is it? His name, the cake Cake pedophile, was the cake predator. The ace of cakes. Ace of cakes. That's what I meant. That's what I meant. And he ace the cakes. The ace of cakes. That's. So he did this show with an Barell and then they kind of like broke up. Duff Goldman. And then he made this weird ass response.

[Marcus Parks]

I mean, after she died.

[Henry Zebrowski]

After she died, this is the first thing I want to say. Because now there's, like, it's.

[Marcus Parks]

I tell you what, life's no piece of cake.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No. Especially not. Especially not when you're a. A big, fat chef. Because sometimes what happens is the cake is the thing that killed you, unfortunately. But also, I don't trust the skinny chef. And I only like my chefs that on the verge of death. So, yeah, that's life. And so this is the weird thing that Duff Goldman wrote. I've written and rewritten this post so many times in the past 24 hours, and I don't know what to say.

[Marcus Parks]

It's never a good start.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And I became friends in 2006. She was going through some stuff, and I heard that she was feeling it. So on a trip to New York City from Baltimore, I had made her a cake that said, don't let the bastards win. She never did. We had a complex relationship. And I remember the last conversation we had before paths drifted with glass. Conversations we had before our pads drifted. All right. What is that?

[Marcus Parks]

Isn't it supposed to be the bastards get you down?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Marcus Parks]

Maybe he didn't have enough room on the cake.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think it's a smaller cake. Yeah, I know. She said that they had a pretty feisty debate about the merits of catfish. She said the words trash fish, it tastes like mud. And called him cake boy.

[Marcus Parks]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And I always had a spirited and somewhat acerbic back and forth. I never really knew why our paths drifted, but I always hope that wherever she was, Anne was doing well and finding some happiness.

[Marcus Parks]

She had to put the catfish thing in there.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This whole thing is just so.

[Marcus Parks]

Like, just rambling.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Just this. But so now people are like. So she was found dead in her shower, right? Naked.

[Marcus Parks]

She was clothes in her shower. That'd be way weirder.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It would be, right? Yeah, but it's hotter when she's naked. It's sad. I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry. I'm doing this. No, no, I'm. I'm lashing out. And so Amber L, I think, died of suspicious circumstances.

[Marcus Parks]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

There's no evidence pointing towards us.

[Marcus Parks]

TMZ says possible overdose, of course.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And I align with them.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, you know, it's weird at all.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Times, but they're usually right. So it sounded like something bad was going on. She's got. She's got. I want to talk to your manager, but I've just smoked PCP here.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So she's just got that ability. There's something about her. She's always had an edge to her.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, chefs love drugs.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I get it.

[Marcus Parks]

You know, you got to stay up all night. It's a long shift.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's hard.

[Marcus Parks]

There was a guy, you know, the guy who took over chef after me. I remember I came back to check on the place, and I opened up one of the coolers, and there was just, like, cocaine on top. One of the Tupperware containers. And it's just like, first of all, like, it's just gonna get moist. What are you doing? Like, it's a bad place for cocaine.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think a guy wasn't. Let's just say he wasn't thinking with this, with his front mind.

[Marcus Parks]

No, he wasn't. He was a really bad chef.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, he was a bad. And that's the main issue, Zach, probably mostly is that his cooking was bad. Bad. You could do as many drugs as you want as long as the cooking is good.

[Marcus Parks]

And she was a good cook, right?

[Henry Zebrowski]

She was fine.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I haven't eate. I never ate at any of her restaurants. Yes, she had a restaurant in New York, and I forget where else she had one. And then anel. But, like, you know. But she taught many people how to cook. Many celebrities. Some of you've been your worst favorite celebrities. Oh, yeah. Phil and Ann's Good Time Lounge. That was a big one. That. That closed. She had some problems with union work.

[Marcus Parks]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Too. She had some problems with the union.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, so she's a baby.

[Henry Zebrowski]

She's got some stuff going on in there.

[Marcus Parks]

I mean, I hate that. If you're a chef, like, don't take advantage of your cooks.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's just the whole.

[Marcus Parks]

That shit's crazy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

She's just. There's a lot going on in there. I think she might have been, weirdly, a very troubled woman. Okay, we'll find out. We'll find out. I hope we do.

[Marcus Parks]

But you.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I got all my autopsy pictures, and I'm gonna go through them. That's my goal for the weekend. I'd like to do.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, man.

[Henry Zebrowski]

My other goal for the weekend. You like Disneyland, right?

[Marcus Parks]

I love Disneyland. It's one of my favorite places in the entire world.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Now, have you ever thought about idea of you and Julie renewing your vows?

[Marcus Parks]

You know, I. I was gonna ask Julie to marry me at Disneyland, but for lack of a better word, I found that to be gay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, it does make you a Disney adult.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Like, then you're fully a Disney adult if you rap.

[Marcus Parks]

Now I'm like a fan. I guess I'm kind of a Disney adult.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You like Disney enough. But I would say. But I am thankful that you didn't do that.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes. No, I'm glad I didn't do it, too.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Keep your love separate from ip.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, I did it. Well, I didn't do that either. I. I did it. I asked her to marry me at a Fleetwood Mac concert.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's not ip.

[Marcus Parks]

That's not ip. No, it's not CP Imagine that. I'm all dressed up like Insane Clown Posse. Please.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Singing Rhiannon Fleetwood ICP is incredible. Melanco, Melancholy.

[Marcus Parks]

Family.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Family.

[Marcus Parks]

Oddly enough, though, Lindsay Buckingham is worse than any member of IY Boogie. I'm such a piece of.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He's such a piece of. It's so funny to even think, like, yeah, I let ICP watch my dogs.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I would not let Lizzie Buckingham near my dog.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Nowhere near my house or my family or my wife.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But I bring all this up to say it sounds like Disneyland. People love to get married there, including pedophiles. Now, this story is a. I. I am loving the story right now.

[Marcus Parks]

Okay. I. I need you to explain this to me because I don't know how this story got past me.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I. It just showed up.

[Marcus Parks]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So now a British man who was not going to be named, I guess they keep saying, for legal reasons. I think this has to do with, like.

[Marcus Parks]

Because he actually didn't do anything wrong.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Not yet.

[Marcus Parks]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But it's lots of. There's lots of wrong around it. But, yes, nothing necessary necessarily happened yet.

[Marcus Parks]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So he was 39 years fun, everybody's favorite age, the sexiest age to be. And he set up on this elaborate fairy tale wedding.

[Marcus Parks]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

At Disneyland Paris, which I actually kind of thought that's where I thought Paris, that you could get married to a child. I thought that it's so. I thought it was very European to get married to a child in a castle. Castle.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, you know, they do that there.

[Marcus Parks]

A couple centuries ago for sure.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. And. And last week, so this guy, he rented out all of Disneyland Paris for 115,000 Euro.

[Marcus Parks]

I would think it's more because he.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Was only a section of it. It was the. It was a part. Higher part of the Disneyland site and Marne Valley at a co. At a cost, but €115. And he invited hundreds of guests.

[Marcus Parks]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Right. They had all these guests.

[Marcus Parks]

And so he's popular guy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So people started arriving. Disney apparently had no idea. Yeah, I guess it translates to 170, about 175 grand.

[Marcus Parks]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

In US dollars. So they go all of These guests start arriving, hundreds of guests from, from Paris and hundreds of guests from the Ukraine.

[Marcus Parks]

Really?

[Henry Zebrowski]

And eventually these people start saying like, oh, you know, we were just told to be here for a wedding. Wedding. Turns out everybody that's coming to this wedding is a hired actor. All of the people from Paris were extras that were hired though they said to watch a show, right? To be a part of a filmed wedding. Then they found all these Ukrainian people that are also all hired actors that are all pretending to be family of the bride. They're all saying that they're there to play family of the bride in filmed television show wedding.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, we all know about all the actors in Ukraine pretending there's a war going on.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I mean that's all they do all day.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Do you think, oh, you have an idea how hard it is to fake blow up your village? Yeah. How hard is. You might as well just blow it up.

[Marcus Parks]

That's what I said.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Why are we using all the CGI? But this guy said this 39 year old, yet to be named, he introduces his wife.

[Marcus Parks]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They're gonna be in the process. This is at dawn, right? Because that's what they allow you to have. The park. Is that dawn?

[Marcus Parks]

That makes sense.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's a nine year old. So it's this nine year old from the Ukraine that has been brought in with a fake mother and a fake sister that have brought this nine year old in. Now according to this man, this British man, the only thing that he's guilty of is wanting to create a magical afternoon for a little girl and that he was going to marry her. Her in this Prince Charles Cinderella style.

[Marcus Parks]

Prince Charming. Prince Charles is, I guess. Yeah. No, you're right, you're right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm keeping it.

[Marcus Parks]

You're right. No, you're actually correct.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Prince Charles marries a nine year old style. And everyone's like. It wasn't until finally one of the paid extras went to Disneyland and they saw this whole thing going on. They said, they said it was all like this, this. We don't know until they saw the nine year old in the full bridal wear. Right. Coming down thing, which is also like, we had a great time planning our. You know, planning a wedding is very stressful, but it's also fun. But it's extremely stressful. Can you imagine how difficult it must be to plan a wedding with a 9 year old?

[Marcus Parks]

And extras, just extras are always wandering off.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They switch their mind. One day they're Elsa, the next day they're the lady from their. A tomb raider. The next day or something else. Right? So you never know with these nine year olds. So we're to stick it in. Trying to get a nine year old to choose plates. Oh, yeah, Just get him to sit still long enough to be like, listen, you're going to be my wife soon.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You need to pick out forks. You got to bring the iPad. You got. Oh, you got to bring the iPad. And a lot of brochures, but you love tasting the cake.

[Marcus Parks]

Who's going to walk her down the aisle? Bluey.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think that. No, they paid. What you do is if you're marrying a child to Disneyland Paris, obviously you have to hire. Hire a Ukrainian sex worker to pretend to be her.

[Marcus Parks]

I'm not gonna let a heil go.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But I love this that they. It wasn't until they saw the child, right? They saw the child and then everyone's like, oh, no. And they went to Disneyland Paris. And I would have loved to see the look on the face of the Disneyland Paris employee dressed as Le Goofy with, I guess because, like, and Goofy there and Paris and Goofy, his dick's out and stuff. He's like a red rocket. Oh, he like, he's like. He's a full sexual harlequin. Goofy. He's got the full. Like, he's got. You can see his nipples. He reeks like wine.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And telling that guy, I think the man's getting married to a child. Right? Like, I think that's the wife there, sir. I was trucked in here and I believe that that's the why. And they hear him. They.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, no. Yes. But it's not a real wedding, right?

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, it was supposed to, but that's where he kept saying, but it's not a real wedding, guys. This is the thing that he said. You always say, you sound like his lawyer. Like, we never got married, guys. We never went through with it. I got cold balls.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, but the thing is, like, what is. It's very upsetting and it's horrible. And this man should be beaten in public. But what is the crime? What? You know, like say daddy to parents.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Sounds like someone's got a pro boner lawyer for you. He has a history of this. Yes. Yeah. He's what?

[Marcus Parks]

Like, like pedophile stunts?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Same as pedophile. Oh, yeah, that's the thing, man. He's a. He's a pedophile with that X factor. Oh, he's a pedophile. That's got a little something extra.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, it just sounds like he likes extreme pedophile human humor. That's what it seems like he. He's more of a fan of. Right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He's described as a known pedophile wanted in the uk.

[Marcus Parks]

All right, I take it back. I take it back. I take it all back immediately.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I just wish we could call the episode extreme pedophile humor, but we can't. Oh God. The idea of just two. It's just a funny pedophile gag.

[Marcus Parks]

It's a. It's a mix of ups.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I mean it's not a mix of ups when you hire staff.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, that's.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's not a mix them ups when you've got to do the six month lead time rental fee to get Disneyland Paris.

[Marcus Parks]

Can I tell you something that I'm more upset about still to this day? Is that when I was a child, one day I'm at Disney World and it was five o' clock, came by and then they're like, hey, listen, you got to leave because Elizabeth Taylor bought Disney World and she's having a birthday party party.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I actually, I'm gonna say this really.

[Marcus Parks]

That made me really mad when I was a child. I just want it stuck with me and I never forgave her.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I need the audience hang in here with me for a second. Understand that that is worse subjectively.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Than this UK pedophile.

[Marcus Parks]

Cuz they didn't kick anyone out of Disney.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This is just an extreme pedophile humor. Yeah, it's just an extreme pedophile funny thing that happened. Wow. It's so famous. You didn't even get to go. You didn't. It's so famous today that you didn't even get to go, Eddie.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes, I know, I know. It's very. I was very mad about it. There it is.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Is February 27, 1992. Wow.

[Marcus Parks]

The exact day. That was the day. I'm glad I can remember. So I was 11. I was 11, tortured by Elizabeth Taylor. You know what cut my Disney World day short?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Truly, one of the worst parts about it was that they could definitely tell. Look at the difference in the microphones. That was supposed to be for the bio. That was supposed to be for the vowels. Oh.

[Marcus Parks]

So the staff didn't know. The staff. If they put the tiny microphone stand there, they. That means. That means someone knew the tiny microphone stand is out of.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Do you think the UK guy came in, he's like, all right, listen, my wife. I don't want you say anything about my wife. My fiance. Me fiance. I want to say anything about me fiance. All right. I just want you understand she's a Bit short, you know. I want you to say nothing, but she's not like little person. And I mean, she's a little person. Yeah, but she's not a capital L, capital P, Little pud. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, right.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But she's smart. If she'll be smart.

[Marcus Parks]

Small. Is she small?

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, she'd be small. Just, you know, just don't even acknowledge it. If he could.

[Marcus Parks]

She's sensitive about her.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Super sensitive about being super short. Very sensitive.

[Marcus Parks]

So where were her real parents?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think they're dead. We don't know. We have no idea what happened to her parents. We don't really know what happened.

[Marcus Parks]

Ukrainian.

[Henry Zebrowski]

She's Latvian.

[Marcus Parks]

Latvian. Now where is that?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think it's to the right.

[Marcus Parks]

I never hung out with those people.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Some more of Eddie's extreme pedophile. Yeah. I don't know where Lafia is.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, it's by Lithuania. Yeah, I always knew that.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yeah. Just. Oh, just a couple clicks south of Estonia.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, okay, great.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know, you love Estonia. Near Poland. Oh, definitely.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes. Oh, God, Perogies. Thank God they didn't mess with the polish. Here.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I had to get you lunch.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes. Yeah, something's going on.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We got to get you lunch today. Yeah, it's one of those. I'm feeling. I feel like that too, I guess. Just thinking about the catering of this one wedding.

[Marcus Parks]

Tex Mex.

[Henry Zebrowski]

God. Just nothing. Nuggies and Mac and cheese.

[Marcus Parks]

So what happened to this. Nothing happened to this man though, right?

[Henry Zebrowski]

We all go broken up and then everybody just got disbanded right now and the investigation continues. Okay, that's with all the both. The ends of both of the articles I was looking at, say.

[Marcus Parks]

And it was in France, so I imagine they gave the kids cigarettes and sent them home.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm pretty certain they gave him a glass of wine. They allowed him to drive home.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know, I think that in Paris it's just. But yeah, I think the main issue was is that nobody. Nobody was told old and nobody brought a gift.

[Marcus Parks]

Wow.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And I think that's like one of the biggest issues they said was when they canceled it. It was just because in Paris, normally they are fine.

[Marcus Parks]

What's that say? I can't read it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The investigations, including the medical examination of the minor, a Ukrainian national, showed that she had not been subjected to any violence or cohesive acts. Yeah, she wasn't like she's just been. Apparently the way this guy was pitching it was that he was doing this as some beautiful princess like moment for the little girl to have. But that's like you do it. I would even do it with another little boy. But why does it have to be.

[Marcus Parks]

A wedding you definitely don't need. Yeah, it doesn't need to be a wedding. It could be like you conquered Arendelle or something.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Honestly. And. Yeah, with pedophiles. Keep that out of it and people won't be that interested in it. If it was just a party, nobody would have known.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Again, there's a big issue, which we said about when you call something a wedding, they upcharge.

[Marcus Parks]

He's been charged with fraud, breach of trust and money laundering. Laundering and identity theft.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, because he pretend he faked. He faked all the stuff. He faked all the paperwork.

[Marcus Parks]

Breach of trust is a crime in Europe.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Marcus Parks]

Interesting.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. It's one of the worst crimes someone can do.

[Marcus Parks]

It's like that. And being a hypocrite. How many years you get for being a hypocrite there?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yep. It's very. Honestly, it's the worst crime you can do there. Well, you know, outside of marrying a child. Almost marrying a child.

[Marcus Parks]

You know who really doesn't like children?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Who?

[Marcus Parks]

Irish nuns. You know why? Because they found 796 dead babies executed or executed expected to be found hidden in a septic tank at an unwed mother's home run by nuns.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Now do. Is there. Can I. This might be an insensitive question, but is there like a chute to throw them down into it?

[Marcus Parks]

I imagine.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Like, is it one of those things that they pop the boardie out or they pop the thing out? Like, are they doing abortions or. This just. Is these just kids that have died?

[Marcus Parks]

Many of the infant remains are feared to have been dumped in a cesspool known as the pit.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The Totally Good People's Impromptu Theater.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes, that's right. That's where we started our careers. Wow. A total of 798 children died at the home between 1925 and 1961. That's a lot.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's a lot. But I told that. Are they saying that they died by their hands or do they die naturally and then dumped in a pit?

[Marcus Parks]

It seems like they may have died by their hands. There's no way to know just yet. The other 702. Two of the 796 were actually buried. The rest of them were sent down into the septic tank.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Wow. I was right. There was like a shoot. Yes, they do. Threw down like a pair of like a bunch of laundry. Like old. Like old shirts yes.

[Marcus Parks]

The bond secures. Mother and baby home was demolished in 1971. Is now surrounded by a modern apartment complex.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, great.

[Marcus Parks]

So now. Yeah. So this apartment complex is haunted by. By little babies.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's crazy. No, it should just be secure. Mom's home.

[Marcus Parks]

It was.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Sounds like it wasn't super secure for the children.

[Marcus Parks]

The home was a maternity home for unwed mothers and their children run by religious order of Catholic nuns.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And Irish Catholics did something bad.

[Marcus Parks]

I know. Isn't it crazy? What the.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Eddie?

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, this is wild.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So they were killed, but I feel like they're going to probably say a lot of these babies were like, dead or already.

[Marcus Parks]

The unmarried pregnant women would be sent to home to give birth and would be interned for a year to do unpaid work. They were separated from their newborn children and would be raised by the nuns until they were adopted.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yep. That is. That means. It's like when you send the dog to go walk, run in a field, everywhere, and they just turned it into a. Into an ottoman or something like. That's literally that version of that. Is that wrong? Is that. Is that offensive?

[Marcus Parks]

I mean, you know, this whole thing is. Is. Is very upset.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, everyone's very. I imagine people are super upset.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, yeah. I mean, especially when you find 798 victims. Margaret. Maggie O' Connor gave birth to one of the babies named Mary Margaret at the home when she was.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Whoa. Mary Margaret?

[Marcus Parks]

Yes. Well, that's probably the name of half of them, but she was a victim of sexual assault and she gave birth and then the girl died six months later. And the mother only found out when a nun told her.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Her.

[Marcus Parks]

So they don't really know if the nuns were killing the kids or not. It seems like.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, yeah, it sounds like the nuns. Let's just say they were trying to find a way to. Didn't come back on them. Because nuns are sneaky.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Nuns are liars.

[Marcus Parks]

They told you that the child of your sin is dead.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. That is like literally it. Nuns are little. Nuns are sneaky. Little Nuns are liars. Nuns. Nuns will do whatever. Nuns don't want you to have a baby. They want you to be a. They want your vagina to seal clothes.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes. They originally would call the women fallen with women.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yes, yes.

[Marcus Parks]

And they were called fallen women mostly applied to sex workers, but they also took. Took the term seduced women. Victims of rape or incest.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's like the idea of calling a woman that is a victim of rape of incest. A seduced woman is such a.

[Marcus Parks]

It's very it's very cruel.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

This is extremely cruel. The last of the Magdalene laundries closed their doors in the 1990s. Ireland's government issued a formal state of apology in 2014. And in 2022, a compensation scheme was set up to be paid out in the equivalent of $32 million to the 814 survivors.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They're fucking 32. They're just going to pay him off, huh?

[Marcus Parks]

I mean, you got to do something. I don't know what Catholic Church loves paying people off.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They, I mean, they got plenty of money. That's refer. That's for certain.

[Marcus Parks]

I went to Catholic school growing up.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh yes.

[Marcus Parks]

And it was all run by Irish nuns. And they were crazy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They're awful.

[Marcus Parks]

They were. There was a couple that were nice, but Sister Kathleen hated me. She gave me a detention talking in the bathroom and sneezing. And then Sister Dolores hit me. And I never really talk about her hitting me because, you know, whatever, you know.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, I mean, it was just back in the day. Yeah, it was like corporal punch.

[Marcus Parks]

I recently went back to the old Saint Joan of Arc school and I was like, I was like, oh, you know, just nostalgic. I wanted to walk around the church because I haven't been there in like 20 something years or whatever. And so I'm walking around and I go into the. The store, because the church has a store. And I go in the church, I was like, you know, just like, don't.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They already get enough money from us every week?

[Marcus Parks]

Amen. You know, we don't need. You know. I agree with you, with you. But I'm in the store and I'm sitting, I'm like, yeah, you know, I used to go here, you know what happened to the nuns? They're like, oh, Sister Ellen just passed away. I couldn't believe it. Cuz I thought she'd been dead forever. And I was like, oh, yeah. And she told me some of them are still alive. I was like, that's amazing. I was like, what about Sister Dolores? And then that's the handwriting teacher that hit me without me saying anything. She's like, you know, they say that she hit the children. And I was like, she hit me.

[Henry Zebrowski]

She hit me. I was one man. What do they say? What do they say to you?

[Marcus Parks]

She was like, oh, okay. Yeah, so I can go ahead and confirm that for you.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Give me $20. Yeah, I want $20 right now. That's what I would say. I don't. You guys like giving out money to victims?

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, but they sent them all back To Ireland. I wonder if any of these chicks knew these. These. These women. Which is. Which is very crazy. Yeah, well. Yes. 798 dead babies expected to be found.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Do you think convents have competitions amongst themselves, how many babies they can rack up?

[Marcus Parks]

I mean, this one takes the cake, I think.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't know. There's. Wasn't there one in the. Another one in Ireland that had like a thousand candles? I got another one. Was a huge amount of babies. Just like, just. Same thing. Was just like a giant refuse pile of babies.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I mean, it happens. It does happen. It happens. Unfortunately, it happens because no one took. No one took the time to look at this forever ago. No one's checking on these nuns. You know, everyone just believes that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, I get it. No, tell me.

[Marcus Parks]

And, like, these kids are being born and they're not being logged.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know, I would like to get. All right.

[Marcus Parks]

Years ago. This shit's different.

[Henry Zebrowski]

If you want me back Catholic church, hire me. I'm going to get all these guys back into shape. I'm getting everybody back into shape. That's what I'm doing. All I want is I want my nuns to be lesbians for older women.

[Marcus Parks]

I mean, there are a lot they.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I want my. I want my priest to either be unable to have sex due to issues like, literally they can't physically have sex, or they are so. So closeted and strange that even just touching another person will make them cry. That is how I want my priests. I want them so afraid of human touch and so afraid of human engagement that they would never do anything that bad. And they just keep to making up every week on the back of that. That. That podium.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All right. That's why I'd say work on your sermon. Every single time you want to go suck something, go work on a sermon.

[Marcus Parks]

Also, I want chick priests. When these nuns, obviously, they're. They're doing. They're too much. They're too.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All I know is that I will say chick priests is not going to keep altar boys from getting. From getting sucked on, unfortunately. Because how many chicks have like. Like there's been a whole rash of younger women teachers coming out, being revealed that they've been like, you know, it.

[Marcus Parks]

Always makes the news. But I guarantee there's way more men doing it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And the men who do it, it's way more. It's kind of the opposite where the. There's men do it and it's a whole, like, obviously they're a predator and stuff. It's just until the last like 10 years that a hot female teacher can have sex with a 13 year old. And people can be like, you're a pedophile. Like, it's so hard for people to do that for. With one of those types of women too, because it's taken so long for us to not go up to the 13 year old and go like, yeah, kid, yeah, now we know that. No, he was raped.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes. No, it was a big deal. Yeah. So, yeah, so of course, you know, don't go to Catholic school.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Hey, if you could, I mean, unless it's free. But some Catholic school. No, but Catholic schools are better than some of the public schools in certain areas. But that doesn't mean you should go. I feel like then, when it comes down to it, school of hard knocks join circus.

[Marcus Parks]

You know, I, I went, when I went to Catholic school, I eventually told my parents, like at sixth grade, I was like, listen, I'm going to fail on purpose if you don't send me to public school.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, you did a great.

[Marcus Parks]

And they sent me to public school.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And you did the Gandhi. That's Gandhi's version of, of passive resistance.

[Marcus Parks]

It was easy to convince my father too. I was like, I want to go to free school.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And he's like, you got it. I hate God just as much as anybody else, but not as much as this guy. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. Seems amazing, right? It's because it is. From consultations to events and experiences, showcase your offerings with a customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business. Which is good because let's just say I know need it. You know, as you may or may not know, I lost horse picks.com in a very, very public and embarrassing auction to a young man by the name of Charlie Bucket, who has decided to take my horse picks and drive it towards the right. Some of the incendiary horse picks that I've seen, including Steve Bannon on a Clydesdale, one of the worst I saw was Ivanka Trump inside of a mayor. And I know that, like, this is not the direction that I saw. Horsepix.com and, and that little boy, I didn't know that he'd become a full fledged Nazi and, and grow his hair into broccoli shapes and do all sorts of things I don't understand. Which is why I've started Emu Paintings.com. thank you, Squarespace, because Emu Paintings.com are these really. It's an exceptional way for me to get you paintings of emus in various positions that emus would normally be. And in a way, I find it both amusing and inspiring to see what emus can do using the painter's brush and imagination. And if it wasn't for Squarespace, I would be absolutely effed to the gills. That's the term for being absolutely s out of luck. Squarespace, thank you for streamlining your workflow with built in tools because I would not have been able to get this website up fast enough due to the legal fees I've received and the personal heartache and my own health deteriorating. I just want to say thank you, Squarespace, for all your help. And emupaintings.com is going to be just as good and just as funny and relevant, I promise. Head to squarespace.com left for a free trial when you're ready to launch. Use offer code left to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[Marcus Parks]

Ah, yes, it's summer, baby. You know, winter, you got your big long socks, they're coming all the way up past your calves. You're taking care of yourself, you know, but now summer's coming, coming. You got to take all the tiny socks and put them to the top. And maybe, maybe you're like me and you don't own tiny socks and you need some tiny socks because it's getting hot, all right? And you know where you find your tiny socks? Over at Bombas.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know what I gotta do, Rob?

[Marcus Parks]

I'm gonna get some tiny socks for Robert. We got Robert the doll and he's got. He doesn't have nice new socks for summer. He's got just normal socks. So what he's got is we. And, and so Robert needs little tiny socks to keep his little tiny feet nice. And so that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna hit up Bombas. Cause, you know, we work together now. And so Bombas, please give me some tiny socks for Robert and get him ready for summer. I got myself some tiny socks. I got my wife some tiny socks. Low ankle cut. Oh, they breathe so well. But still with Bombas, they get all my sweat and they gather it and they say, eddie, your feet are looking good. And that's what happens there. So go to Bombas. The most important thing that I love about Bombas is one purchased equals one donated to someone who needs it. What a good company. All right? That kind of stuff really warms my heart. And so that's why I am going full Bombas. From now out. So thank you so much Bombas for all that you do for everyone and please support them as well. Go buy some bombas and know when you're buying Bombas for you. You're also buying Bombas for someone who needs it. So head over to bombas.com lpotl and use the code lpotl for 20% off your first purchase. That's B O M B A S.com lpotl code lpotl at checkout bombas.com and use code lpotl. You love it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Have you ever had that moment where your kid asks for help with homework and you're like you're a 10 year old Chihuahua? How am I supposed to answer that? Or maybe your child's ahead of the curve and getting bored in class. Tell me all about it. Carmi keeps chewing on all the pencils. Whether your kid is struggling or sore, I Excel can make a real difference. I Excel is an award winning online learning platform that helps kids really understand what they're learning. Covers math, language arts, science and social studies from pre K all the way through 12th grade. It's fantastic. Don't miss out. IXL is used in 96 of the top 100 school districts in the US. One in four students in the US are learning with IXL. The kids got all different math. It's all different than when we used to do. They read different books. The letters I think are different. What is riz? There's many different things I don't understand. And that's what's important about ixl. It helps teach the children. So you go check out that ixl. All right? Enjoy yourself. Make an impact in your child's learning. Get IXL now. Last podcast and Left listeners can get an exclusive 20% off IXL membership when they sign up today at ixl.com left left. Visit ixl.com left to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price. Now this guy. I wanted to talk a little bit about this guy. I don't know how this guy went under my radar.

[Marcus Parks]

Is this an old story? You told me about it today. I haven't actually read the article, so you got to tell me about it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's brand new. Adam Christopher Sheaf. When he did this, he. He was from Maricopa County. He's from Flagstaff, Arizona, best city in Arizona. And he broke into a pastor's home and crucified him to his wall. And then he pulled him off and then he found him dinner.

[Marcus Parks]

Wow. It's bad.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't mean to laugh.

[Marcus Parks]

I mean, it's a lot of effort. I mean, you got to bring a stud finder.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's. Oh, God. That's the worst part.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. I'm so bad at that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Because it keeps pointing back to me. Hey, hey, now. William Schonerman was dead, and. But the thing is, that is really intense. Is that. It's the statement from Chief.

[Marcus Parks]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That is truly upsetting. I'm gonna send this to you. I'm gonna send this to you, Rob. I forgot to send this to you. So when did this plan come to fruition? You're thinking about this. You want to carry out this hit list.

[C]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Hit list, sure. 14 pastors, that's right.

[C]

Around the nation to surround the nation.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Starting in Arizona.

[C]

Starting in Arizona, where I was born. Where it starts is where it ends. Like the Garden of Eden. I start in Phoenix, where I was born on this life. And I'm going to end in Phoenix, where I was baptized, which I don't appreciate when I was 3 years old by my parents. You know, I'm baptized in a belief that is completely false.

[Marcus Parks]

So you get to Phoenix.

[C]

I get to Phoenix. I. I just set up a tent under a tree on Olive street, and I followed that priest home Sunday after Easter service. And when he pulled into his driveway, the two women came out of the garage. I'm not interested in executing anyone other than the pastors or the shepherds leading the flock astray. I need to find pastors or priests that. That live alone.

[Henry Zebrowski]

See, yeah, he's intense. So this guy is real, real intense. His plan was to crucify 14 pastors.

[Marcus Parks]

Okay. But he only got to one.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He only got the one.

[Marcus Parks]

You know, it takes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It makes a lot of noise because it's just. And it sounded like it was really hard. And he said that his main issue. His car broke down. Oh, he said that was like super. Which is again. And that is the thing that people always forget. Auto maintenance.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And how if you got big plans in life, Life, it's super important you stay on top of it. That's why we thank our partners over at Nissan that we're gonna be giving she for brand new Nissan Priest Finder.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Have you seen this? These Nissan Priest Finders are one of the coolest new things.

[Marcus Parks]

Nissan ultimatum.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. But the. It is. People like this guy. People like this pastor. And was he.

[Marcus Parks]

He was beloved. He seems like he actually looks like a nice guy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They all say that they were belove it.

[Marcus Parks]

But he's got that cool hat. He's Just a little Santa spirit. He is adorable.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He does.

[Marcus Parks]

Look, I'm sorry that he got killed.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He didn't need to be crucified.

[Marcus Parks]

No, no. He looked like he was just easy to catch.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I mean, I think that that's what. That's what the man was going for.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But, you know, he was foiled. He couldn't. He can't crucify again.

[Marcus Parks]

And now unless a priest comes to prison. There's plenty of priests in prison.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, my God.

[Marcus Parks]

And that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's a fun day.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's a funny day.

[Marcus Parks]

You know, if there's a priest in the prison, as a prisoner, they're definitely.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

But the one that comes to give, you know, I'm sure he'll be protected.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He might be, but chief says he wants the death penalty immediately. Oh, so he is. Very much so. That is a man that was very sure of what he wanted in this life.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And he made it happen for himself. And you know what? I'll also say it's kind of nice. Is that, like. Yeah, obviously, like, no one's, like, super happy with this, but it's a while. It showed that Adam sheaf, who was 51 years old, he made his dream happen at 51, won.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. He had a goal, and that's, like.

[Henry Zebrowski]

A thing that a lot of people discount.

[Marcus Parks]

Is that Hebrew his neck?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, he does have some Hebrew on there. It's a. It is. He's a lot of mixed messaging in his tattoos. He's angry. I don't think he was thinking about the overarching theme of his tattoos when he was getting them.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, I.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know, I. But I. I'll just say you can start at 51.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And that's. I think that's the biggest thing you could get out of the story.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. I mean, you know, Gene Hackman started in his 40s, you know, I mean.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He'S a grandma Mose.

[Marcus Parks]

Grandma Moses.

[Henry Zebrowski]

She started killing pastors when she was 77.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Like, that was huge. Like, that's crazy.

[Marcus Parks]

This guy is very serious. I'm surprised this isn't a bigger story.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think that people.

[Marcus Parks]

If you would have got another one, it would have been.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Just one more. Somebody would have cared. God, I just want to get a guy one more.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, man. This is very. This is wild. I can't believe this man did this. I mean, crucified. Crucified him in his own home.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Crucify him.

[Marcus Parks]

See, when you say crucify, though, I would expect a crucifix.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, you see crucifixion. I think that that's why it's kind of like not fully there. Yeah, yeah, that's, you know, because yeah, obviously Eddie. Yeah, he should had a crucifix.

[Marcus Parks]

You gotta.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That would be cool.

[Marcus Parks]

Definitely takes more time.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, and. But I'd leave in him even more, that's for certain. Yeah, I believe in for him.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. No, I think also you got to get some, some tall trees in the backyard. If you're going to crucify someone and not get caught, you know, you got to make sure that there's some coverage.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Can I get some privacy bushes here? Yeah, I've been really looking at this. Kind of want to, you know, I.

[Marcus Parks]

Plan on studying a crucifixion and I want to start though, you know, the first crucifixion will just be animals. Let me ask you something to be.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Too tall, but have you started your crucifixion yet? Because if you haven't, I'd love to help, kind of consult on that. Yeah, we do a lot of gardening, but we also do a lot of religious based tortures as well.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Are you considering a rope crucifix or a nail?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I want to nail that. I want to nail him to the stick.

[Marcus Parks]

No problem. We could do that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, you know, we're gonna look at a bit of it. You know, it might, you know, increase some of our costs.

[Marcus Parks]

But now do you need Romans?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, Italians. All right, you want to tell that silly story?

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

See, this is light, good hearted fun for me. Oh yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

So this is a dart pro uses.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh yeah. Ye.

[Marcus Parks]

This is a great story. There was a man who won a controversial dart contest. A dart.

[Henry Zebrowski]

How he won was controversial because he.

[Marcus Parks]

Loaded up stinky farts on the man on his opponent and then he won. Because everyone knows you like the smell of your own, but you don't like the smell of someone else's.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But this is truly. It's devastating.

[Marcus Parks]

It's not illegal. I don't think it's.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They can't. They can't. They're trying to like fight him now because they're saying that he won the championship. They're like trying to like take and strip him of it.

[Marcus Parks]

I say he's like the champion now. But you can make a rule for the future.

[Henry Zebrowski]

If there is any sport where crop dusting as a. An offensive measure or defensive measure. I think there's more defensive measure.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And it's not darts. Then I don't want to watch darts or be a part of Darts, that is a bar sport. Yeah. That hinges on farts being loud as a part of it. It's the only sport that you can smoke and drink. Yes. While you're doing. And you could smoke the old days. Have you ever. I've fallen into holes of watching old dart competitions.

[Marcus Parks]

Pretty great.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I love watching all and it's just nothing like seeing a big fat crooked tooth cockney bastard. Just like no physical be big huge guts sucking on a beer stein and just fucking beat a chicken. Champion.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know, like it's incredible. It's incredible life.

[Marcus Parks]

Now can we play one of these videos?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Yeah. So this is the first time that he did it a couple years ago. And this is the first clip of that is smiling from here.

[Marcus Parks]

Right. Lester? So too countless games.

[Henry Zebrowski]

His, his, his.

[Marcus Parks]

His competitor looks like an Barell.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So that's where she was. So James Wade won it. And James Wade, he kind of describe. If you can't really hear it necessarily, but you can hear it a little bit. We'll maybe pump it up after.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He throws the darts in and then as he's walking toward the collect his darts, he lays a massive fart.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

On his competitor.

[Marcus Parks]

Juicy one. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You could tell when the competitor's me, he's angry. Like you can see me goes ah. And the smile, the sweet satisfied smile on his face. So now this is the second time he's done this.

[Marcus Parks]

The second time is a little more offensive, I have to say as someone who's a fan of this guy. Immediately I, I will say the second time he did it was a little egregious.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

You see he like holds the table on that one. You know, he really. He braces himself. Yeah. See, that's the problem with that one.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I, I think that it's too much of a setup. The other one was so.

[Marcus Parks]

It was mid stride. You can almost feel like I had the fart. What are you gonna do?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I was holding it in since the last go.

[Marcus Parks]

But this one, he like took time, went over to the side, gripped the.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Corner of the table and then laid.

[Marcus Parks]

And laid it loose.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So that is, I would say the.

[Marcus Parks]

Second one I don't agree with.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's the closest I put towards like that. He's messing with stuff.

[Marcus Parks]

I feel like the second one, he is what got him in trouble.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think so. I think the first one was brilliant.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, the first one was well done.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And this is just too on. You know what this is? You know what this is? This is deflate gate but for darts. Yeah. Right. Because they all do it.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Right. They all do it. Right. Everyone was doing the deflate gate stuff. Everybody was messing with the balls. Everyone's doing this stuff. These guys fart and on top of each other all day long. There's no way they don't. It's all about the egregiousness and making an example out of someone. And so when it comes down to it is that if you are the best of the best and you're still farting, then we really have to think about this. Did Tom. Did Tom need to really go that far in deflating the balls?

[Marcus Parks]

I mean, it helped him. It made him a little bit better.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But everybody does it, and he won.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. So it's not a big. I mean, honestly, I don't think it's. Unless you. You put in the rules. No farting. Also. If you put no farting in the rules, then go yourself.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Also, I can't fart.

[Marcus Parks]

This is a drunken sport. But fear farts are a real thing.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I legitimately, if I was UK and I. I am. I would set. Outside of the Adart competition, I would do this legitimately. There should be a square taped on the ground. Or you can fart.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, interesting.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And you can go and fart and burp and curse or do whatever. Smoke us your cigar.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

In the smelly square. And you go into the smelly square and you hang out there. And you could do that. You can do all that while you can get it all out. And then you go back into the darts. Because then I think now you're gonna need a fart ref. Yes, I need. Now you're gonna need to guide, because again, that's flagrant. Can you say I'm call that a flagrant?

[Marcus Parks]

That was a flagrant fart. A fragrant fragrance.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Fragrant, Fragrant. Flagrant. Yes. That's a. But I'm not. But. But I'm also not angry with him. What my daddy taught me, win W is a W. That's right. That's what my daddy said. My daddy said you get up a winner and you have that trophy, and then all the losers can eat your fart juice.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. No, he is a champion. And you can't say he's not a champion.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's champion behavior.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. No, no. He's a winner. I appreciate this.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Champion behavior. Never stop digging. Never stop going for that inch. Never try to make that cut. You make that cut. What?

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. So I'm with you, buddy. Congrats. I'm James Wade. Come on in. Like you, I would invite you in if I was. Wasn't worried about you farting so much.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, no. We're having him over Zoom.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, you're. He's a Zoom. He's a Zoom. He's a Zoom.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Interview Nothing. Can we get an interview with him? I could try. I'll reach out to him. Let's get in. Cuz I'd actually love to know more about. I think that professional darts are the funniest of all of them. He's pretty big. I don't know if we could get him, but I'll try the professional darts because he. Also because. Have you seen. Seen the professional cornhole?

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, I love professional corn.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The guy with no legs.

[Marcus Parks]

I didn't see. I don't know about that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Didn't like champion. A cornhole right now is a guy with no legs.

[Marcus Parks]

My left foot guy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, he is a right foot. This guy's got nothing. Yeah, this guy ain't got nothing. He's nothing but stumps.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He's all hands and arms, which is the only thing you need for corn.

[Marcus Parks]

Is he. What is he in a chair?

[Henry Zebrowski]

He ain't no hands and arms either. Nope.

[Marcus Parks]

Interesting. I didn't know this.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No hands, no legs. Cornhole champion. Wow. He's all. The man is literally all torso and dick.

[Marcus Parks]

Whoa.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And he is a champion cornholer. He's better than any one of you.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, he's. He's closer to the hole.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, he's not.

[Marcus Parks]

He's the same. It's the same amount of line he's on.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's the same line. It's the same line. Look at that.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, I didn't know he had no hands, too.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's what I'm saying. No hands, dude.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, he's got no hands. No. Oh, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Look at him flip that shit. I mean, he'll make your wife come.

[Marcus Parks]

I would feel so bad beating this guy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, you can't, because he fucking. That's what he's using and getting against you. He beats everybody else, though, so. Yeah, he's using it against you. He just got another one.

[Marcus Parks]

And he. He jumps forward too. I don't think. I think this guy's.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, they're allowed.

[Marcus Parks]

It's.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Look at the other guy because he's carrying it across the line anyway. With that, your foot can't cross the line.

[Marcus Parks]

He's whole. Everything crosses.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But not until after the thing's released. It's not until after the cornhole's released. Buckets, though, dude. Come on.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, I think he's cheating.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You're gonna walk up to the man with no, no hands and no legs. That is crushing it every day. Is this more of your extreme pedophile humor where you would laugh at this man with no hands and legs as he's wiping the floor? Not just with his shirt. Where he's wiping the floor with the competition.

[Marcus Parks]

I would. Honestly though, he's on the ground. If the farter went against him, he would definitely win. He might because he's right at fart level.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, he does.

[Marcus Parks]

He's right there.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, he. Oh, my God. I think think that. Oh, my God. We got to bring them together.

[Marcus Parks]

We do. This is also if they could do as a team too.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, yeah. This would be amazing.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Dayton Weber shout outs to you. Dayton Weber. Dayton Weber. Dude, what a champion, man.

[Marcus Parks]

He really is. He. I was making fun, but he is a champion.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, he is a deck guy. Look at that stack of money. That's cornhole.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh my God. He's got a big old necklace. I love this.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, of course, dude. Of course he does.

[Marcus Parks]

Hell yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Good for you. This man made like. That's insane. That's crazy that he can do that.

[Marcus Parks]

How did he lose his limbs?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Apparently it was just irresponsibility. Quad amputee. So there's a story there. For sure. We'll try to get him too. I want him together. We should have a sports. We should have a sports round table where we talk to all of these sportsmen.

[Marcus Parks]

I'd like this.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Talk to this style.

[Marcus Parks]

Real sports.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Cuz Joey Chestnut's coming back this year.

[Marcus Parks]

Joey Chestnut's gonna be champion again. I can't. I can't wait.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's time for. I just knew that seat was empty for far too long.

[Marcus Parks]

I will say, when Tyson came back, not as good. Jordan came back not as good.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, Jordan was just. Jordan was distracted by all the gambling and getting his father killed and. And then the stuff with. I mean, Joey Chestnut. I don't know. Does the muscle relax?

[Marcus Parks]

I don't know. Well, he's. I didn't realize how much of a champion he really was. I thought it was just a hot dog thing. I didn't realize he owned to like, like dozens of food consumption titles.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He's. No, he's good at it.

[Marcus Parks]

He's got clams, all that big tubes. Yeah, he sucks it down. Shrimp.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No.

[Marcus Parks]

What do you. What item. What food item do you think you could take? You can go hard on.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I can't eat fast, but I can eat. That's. I don't like the speed. Yeah, but for amount I can guarantee I've eaten, I eat a. I can eat a pound of shrimp. Just me.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I bet you I could eat five.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, I think I could eat three to five pounds of shrimp.

[Marcus Parks]

I think shrimp might be the thing I can do the most of chicken and chicken wings. Chicken wings. See chicken wings. I get full shrimp. I can just keep going.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I almost don't ever get full on chicken wings. I'm always slightly hungry after I've eaten a basket of chicken wings. Really? Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Wow.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I eat a bunch more.

[Marcus Parks]

I definitely get full on chicken wings. But I think shrimp. I mean, should we do this?

[Henry Zebrowski]

No.

[Marcus Parks]

I would love to take you on.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, we should talk about this for summer ham.

[Marcus Parks]

Summer ham. Yeah. Shrimp contest.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Cuz Summerham. We. We skipped Summerham last year and I don't think we're gonna have time to do it this year, to be honest.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But I'm having. I'm bringing on a whole thing. It's gonna be one of our big phase three things.

[Marcus Parks]

20, 26, you know we're doing Summerham. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So keep your eyes peeled. Henry and I are going to have a sandwich based competition. I guess shrimp po boys could be in there.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I just want shrimp in there. Now I just want shrimp.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, Now I want shrimp. This has been a very food heavy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It was coming from you and now I've. You infected me with it. I ate before coming here.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. No, no, I said seven. Listen, we got to end this.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We have to end. It has to end. I'll just get to these letters next week. Yeah, get to these letters next week. I got a couple letters here, but we had so many fun stories that I wanted to get to them. We even forgot about the angry beekeeper. And the. He was driving drunk and the cops pulled him over and then he unleashed his bees on them, which is an amazing ability.

[Marcus Parks]

I mean that's the whole story.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's the only story. Like get them bees. Yes, my mighty bees.

[Marcus Parks]

They rise.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The bees, they rise. Like that's amazing.

[Marcus Parks]

He got them too.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh yeah. Of course. Kids, cops ran. That is the. I will say again, we ain't giving you a lot of tips here. Bees. Cops up.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And so if you've got hundreds of bees, there's a lot of stuff you can do. Keep them in your car. Yeah, they have to be ready to load it. They can be loaded.

[Marcus Parks]

And angry wasps are better.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, wasps actually are not better. What do you mean they're not better? Wasps are not better. Beers are better for it for attack I believe I I think for a big crowd of them.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Wasps are more angry than beside stories.

[Henry Zebrowski]

LP Gmail these are friends. I know that but I also don't know what you Let me just ask.

[Marcus Parks]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Let me ask the veterinarians that are trying to find a way to get away with cops old I'll tell you that.

[Marcus Parks]

I know, I know entomologists can be a little younger but you know I.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Would appreciate live every day trying to be the youngest entomologist that's ever been Love the fact that you're nine and you love bugs and you don't want to get married to a 39 year old man unless he's really ready to commit. All right. Because you're not laughing at his extreme pedophile humor. You came all the way from the Ukraine to get married and now you're angry because you're in Florida and it's hot and you want to get back to the war and you are sick and tired of being in this hotel room room because it's facing the parking lot and you hate the. You hate the view and I get it. So sorry. Nine year old.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. Listen, we're going to be in Atlanta this weekend. Come out to the the the side story shows at Dad's Garage. Sold out.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You're. Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

The night before on the 28th of June. This is I think Saturday night we're going to be at the Coca Cola Roxy in Atlanta. Come check us out. Henry and I got a show at at Wyoming Guys guys in Salt Lake City on July 11 and then the following night we're gonna be doing last podcast and I left at Sandy Amphitheater on July 12. Aug. 7. Asheville Orange Peel. Selling out fast. Asheville. Love you. Asheville.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Can't wait.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. So if you haven't if you want to go to.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We're almost fully sold out.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, that one's actually almost done. So get in there now. September 21st, Henry and I are going to be at Truman hall in Kansas City. Crime was [e-mail] left to go on our cruise. We're gonna have a lot of fun there. That starts on 11 3rd out of Fort Lauderdale. November 3rd out of Fort Lauderdale. And November 30th, Henry and I will be in Columbus at the Newport Music Hall. Having a blast there, truly. And just so you know, this week is a big week for me on lpn. I'm on a special nerd of mouth this week and I'm also going to be on page seven this week so keep, keep a listen out for that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Fuck yeah. And go and check out all our new YouTube channels, LPN TV, the Foreign Report, LPN Romantasy, who's the Bee? And we, we have so much stuff coming out for you guys. Go on all the insta socials and all the horseshit and we will see you next week.

[Marcus Parks]

All right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Bye you dirty fuckas. Bye you fuckas.

[Marcus Parks]

You're so dirty. You fucker.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Hey, I'm Paul Scheer.

[Marcus Parks]

I'm June Diane Rayfield.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And I'm Jason Manzoukas. And we're the hosts of how did this Get Made? A comedy podcast. Deconstruct, make fun of and celebrate the best worst movies ever made. Have you ever seen a movie that's so bad that it's actually good? That's what we're talking about.

[D]

From blockbuster franchises and made for TV.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Romances to bonkers 80s action flicks and obscure sci fi musicals, we cover it all. You can find. How did this get made? Wherever you get your podcasts and don't forget to follow the show so you never miss an episode. Idiot.

[D]

Not sure if you have the experience to start your dream job. Good news. These days it's the skills that count you to can help you get those in demand. Skills. Want to be an AI mastermind? Learn with us. Game developer. We've got you covered. AWS certified cloud practitioner. We can help you prep. You'll learn from real world experts who love what they do so that you can love what you do. Go to udemy.com for the skills to get you started and get set for your dream job.