Side Stories: Death Pool 2026

Summary

Last Podcast On The Left: Side Stories – Death Pool 2026 (January 28, 2026)

Overview

In this characteristically irreverent and freewheeling episode, hosts Henry Zebrowski and Ben Kissel tackle the macabre tradition of the "Death Pool": predicting which celebrities or public figures are likely to die within the year. They set their own humorous, charitable twist on the format, discuss how they’ll handle donations, and riff on recent news stories, viral videos, AI anxiety, police animal shootings, and harrowing kitchen injuries. True to LPOTL’s form, the episode blends dark humor with pop culture commentary and raw, unsparing talk about death, grief, and the American tendency to avoid the subject.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Podcast Launches on Netflix, Self-Deprecation, and Current Events

• The hosts banter about their show launching on Netflix (01:15), poke fun at themselves, and joke about not quite fitting the streaming service’s “look.”
• Discussion of ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) actions, protests in Minneapolis, and support for Minnesota Freedom Fund (03:00–09:00). Strong anti-ICE stance throughout:

  "Just know for a fact that ICE is currently running around attacking children at a baseball field. You know, stuff like where it's really where the criminals are." (Henry, 06:25)

• They urge listeners—especially “fat bodied white dudes”—to cause chaos from within oppressive systems (08:03).

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Recent News, Rumors, and Viral Oddities

• The rumor that ICE officer Greg Bovino was forced to eat a "Limp Bizkit" (urban legend about a humiliating fraternity game) in high school; the hosts riff on the crudeness and possible justice (10:30).
• Update: Canadian Olympic snowboarder-turned-cartel operative Ryan Wedding was arrested, with speculation about a "Cool Runnings but crime" style comeback or movie adaptation (14:00).

---

Internet Memes Gone Wrong: The Glonky Guy

• Revisiting the strange case of Kyle Braun ("the Glonky Guy"), a viral interviewee who later attacked his own mother:

  "Kyle Braun stabbed his mother hard. Right. Stabbed her up and down...and left the knife inside of her skull." (Henry, 24:02)

• The trajectory from harmless meme to real-world horror illustrates the unpredictability and darkness that sometimes lurk behind internet celebrity (24:12–27:21).

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Cops, Animals, and the Dark Side of Law Enforcement

• Discuss a NYPD officer under investigation for killing a raccoon at the beach (28:15), segueing into a lament that cops kill an average of 10,000 dogs a year during their work:

  "On average, cops kill...25 to 30 dogs a day...an average of 10,000 a year." (Ben, 30:40)

• Cautions listeners to protect pets from the police and shares stories about how vulnerable animals are around law enforcement.

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News of the Weird: Snow Leopard Mauling & "Face Transplant" Tangent

• Story of a tourist in China bitten by a snow leopard while taking a selfie (32:46).
• The hosts digress into a wild riff about face transplants, the luckiness of survival, and empathy with facially disfigured survivors.

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MAIN THEME – The 2026 Death Pool

Rules and Charitable Twist

• Instead of mindless celebrity death betting, Henry and Ben decide to donate $100 to the cause related to the manner of death for each correct prediction. If their risky "outlier" pick comes true, they promise a $1,000 charity donation (35:33–36:40).
• If none of their three “likely” picks die, they donate $300 to the other host’s chosen charity (36:40).

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The Picks

Ben Kissel’s List:

1. Gary Ridgeway (Green River Killer):

   “Because he is actively dying in prison.” (Ben, 37:53)

2. William Shatner:

   “I think he’s gonna boldly go.” (Ben, 40:05)

3. David Attenborough:

   “...I think we’re going to lose, unfortunately...David Attenborough.” (Ben, 45:42)

4. Outlier – Andy Dick:

   “Only because he grabbed my dick one time personally, and I actually just don’t like it.” (Ben, 54:41)

Henry Zebrowski’s List:

1. Buzz Aldrin:

   “That’s my lock for this year is Buzzer, because I think…” (Henry, 38:59)

2. Jack Nicholson:

   "Apparently his dementia is very...it is accelerating." (Henry, 41:37)

3. Noam Chomsky:

   “He looks like absolute...Noam Chomsky...I think Noam Chomsky’s a lock.” (Henry, 48:05)

4. Outlier – Pope Leo:

   “...if he dies, it shows that God doesn’t help anybody. If he dies early, it proves that God doesn’t exist.” (Henry, 58:11)

• No Trump or Biden allowed for the pool, to avoid political focus and keep the humor (37:11).

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The Philosophy of Death Pools and Handling Grief

• Henry and Ben acknowledge the morbid nature, but frame it as a way to spark conversation about death, which is often suppressed or stigmatized in American culture (58:48):

  “I think that part of the reason why I even wanted to do it is because...in America we don't like talking about [death]...I think it's okay to laugh a little bit about all the fucked up shit because we have to.” (Henry, 59:03)

• Ben shares that listeners frequently reach out about losses, and the hosts encourage embracing the reality and natural absurdity of mortality.

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Listener Stories: Kitchen and Bakery Injuries

• They read listener emails about gruesome injuries working with bakery mixers and industrial kitchen equipment (61:35–69:51).
• Gruesome specifics:
  • Coffee roaster’s bracelet gets caught in a mixing arm, arm nearly torn off; survives, tattoo pieced back together (63:51).
  • Bakery worker pinned by a spike in a dough mixer; firefighter rescue, large wound, but survives (65:14).
• Takeaway: Power tools/machinery don’t care if human flesh is in the way; as Henry puts it:

  “Machines do not care if there is squishy human bits in the way...if it is strong enough to overcome the friction of human bones and sinew being in the way, it will.” (Henry, 64:01)

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More Listener Submissions & Classic “LPOTL” Tangents

• Piggyback Bandit follow-up: Listeners write in to say they were also victimized by the infamous “Piggyback Bandit” (70:11).
• Andy Dick: Several people wrote in about Dick’s notorious behavior, with Ben sharing, "he grabbed one of the three dicks in this room" (70:42–70:46).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Death Pools:

  • “If our fourth person dies, if the outlier dies...$1,000. Right. So you might want to hope that one of the outliers die.” (Henry, 36:34)

• On Death in America:

  • “All death is sad. Like he was going to happen either way...But dying like as in the fetal, you know, hospital bed is just as bad as sucks and dying that age...In your own home. We should all be so lucky.” (59:54–60:29)

• On Cops and Animals:

  • “On average, cops kill...25 to 30 dogs a day, It's not a hard statistic, but it's an average of 10,000 a year.” (Ben, 30:40)

• On Political System & Protest:

  • "We have the right to protest and we have the right to talk about whatever the it is we want to talk about." (Henry, 76:38)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• ICE/militarization discussion / call to protest: 03:00–09:00
• Greg Bovino rumors and ICE uniform cosplay: 10:00–12:30
• Ryan Wedding update (Canadian snowboarder cartel story): 13:40–15:00
• Glonky Guy meme-to-madness arc: 22:22–28:00
• NYC raccoon cop shooting & animal kill statistics: 28:15–32:00
• Woman mauled by snow leopard selfie & face transplant riff: 32:44–35:04
• Death Pool rules and setup: 35:24–37:00
• Death Pool picks & dark humor: 37:00–58:00
• Death and grief conversation: 58:48–60:36
• Listener stories: kitchen/bakery accidents: 61:00–69:51
• Piggyback Bandit & Andy Dick stories: 70:11–70:46

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Tone and Style

The tone is classic "Last Podcast on the Left": irreverent, darkly comedic, boundary-pushing, and intensely self-aware. The hosts riff and crosstalk—switching between satire, gallows humor, and genuine reflection about mortality, protest, and American society.

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Summary Takeaway

"Side Stories: Death Pool 2026" showcases LPOTL’s signature blend of black comedy and biting social commentary. Henry and Ben roast everything from ICE to aging celebrities, face the American death taboo head-on with their darkly charitable “Death Pool,” and read listener horror stories from the workplace. For fans and newcomers alike, the episode is a dense, gleeful wade through the morbid and ridiculous realities of life, death, and everything in between.

Transcript

[Henry Zebrowski]

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[Ben Kissel]

This is the last on the left side stories.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes.

[Ben Kissel]

This is the problem.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Can't even spell the fucking name. Jamiroquai. Okay, so what is he?

[Ben Kissel]

It's got a Q in it. I know that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Recording it. Oh, yeah. We've begun the episode already. Is our first episode on Netflix. This is how we're gonna begin.

[Ben Kissel]

Sure.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Great.

[Ben Kissel]

Jamiroquai.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Is Jamiroquoi Native American? No. He seems like that. Jamiroquai would seem to be like a wise Native American's name.

[Ben Kissel]

I feel like Jamiroqua is like, if the UK had Native Americans, he'd be part of them.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But we got some, right? I think. Oh, see, he's British.

[Ben Kissel]

I'm pretty sure Jamiroqua is British. Look at that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Same to not America. Not Native American. No, he's not.

[Ben Kissel]

We know he's not Native American.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Figured out yet.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, I just feel like that's all you're giving us. If it's Native American, British, what is he?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I would like him to be Native American.

[Ben Kissel]

It's like, you know, if you Google me, it's not going to say not Asian, you know?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I mean, mine does English. British. Mine British. I know he was British. Oh, yeah, yeah, he's theirs. Whoa. What a weird haircut in that picture.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Why does he look like that?

[Ben Kissel]

Because he's Jamari Kwai. Look however he wants.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It looks like his hair is being made out of, like, a fancy dog. It's like someone shaved a fancy dog and put a hair on the top of Jamiroquai's head. Who did that to him?

[Ben Kissel]

I don't know. Certainly explains the hat.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Maybe it was Netflix. Welcome to side Stories. Hello, on Netflix. My name is Henry Zabrowski. That's Ed Larson.

[Ben Kissel]

I'm big.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We're also on podcasts for free.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes. So please just keep listening to us how you always listen to us. But if you're on Netflix. How you doing?

[Henry Zebrowski]

What's going on?

[Ben Kissel]

That's how fat I am. That's how fat he is.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I. This is me.

[Ben Kissel]

Skinny you, actually. Yeah, you're looking okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

How sad is that?

[Ben Kissel]

It's not that sad.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yeah, it is. I. I picked out my. Oh, man. I tried to put my wedding suit on the other day.

[Ben Kissel]

What happened?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I got high.

[Ben Kissel]

Was it too big or too small?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I out iced it. Oh, too fat. Too fat for my wedding suit. Guys, I just, first of all, want to apologize for the way that we. Look, we talked about this again. Eddie just did. And I'm going to reiterate that apology because, yes, it's true. Right now, ICE Immigrant and Customs Enforcement, they are out there murdering nurses. Just wholesale and just kind of murdering people.

[Ben Kissel]

We don't need nurs.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Talk like. No, they're the last, sir.

[Ben Kissel]

Expendable as hell.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Hey, I. You know what I hate? Is an empathetic man. One less. So we know that. And. And I think that, you know, obviously Minneapolis is being torn apart right now there. Lord Farquaad has recently been demoted, which.

[Ben Kissel]

You got furred for, Mr. Sent them back to California. Thank God.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We love him.

[Ben Kissel]

We love him.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. So we just want to apologize for the fact that we look like men who would apply ice. Yes, but. And that's just our burden.

[Ben Kissel]

There's nothing, you know, nothing we can really. It's not our burden. It's our wives burden.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, that's. It's currently their burden. Yes, but we. I wish that we. Look, what's her name? Larissa.

[Ben Kissel]

Natalie.

[Henry Zebrowski]

What's the name of the fake woman that they made for the Marty supreme movie? Leon.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They build her. They build her up. Onessa. They built her out of odessa. They built her out of like a. Like a petri dish or something. Oh, she's cool. Yeah, sure. Yeah. But I'm just saying we can't be like that. All right? We. Before the Hollywood gene editing programs that were put out there to create these incredible mixtures of people. Odessa. Oz.

[Ben Kissel]

Aion.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think her name is. You know, her mom is. Who? Famous actress. No way.

[Ben Kissel]

What's her name?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Pamela Adlon.

[Ben Kissel]

Who the hell's that?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Very famous actress who created a movie, several shows for fx. Producer. Very powerful.

[Ben Kissel]

Is it on Netflix? I don't give a trash.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because we only like shows that are on Netflix.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, put it out next to the Melania movie. That's what I say.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know what, Netflix? Melania's looking good these days.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, you never know.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We're not gonna. We're not gonna whitewash her. Come on, guys.

[Ben Kissel]

Come on, Netflix. Let's whitewash. If she was on Netflix, I bet she'd show him.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, imagine that.

[Ben Kissel]

I mean, if she. If Melania showed her tits in this movie, do you know what the fucking box office would be? Oh, I buy. I buy. I buy tickets. Not even go. I buy tickets and give it to children on outside.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No. Yeah, go look at the first lady's tits. You ever seen the first lady's tits before?

[Ben Kissel]

I got Google.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, get it up in there, man. The only thing that could really double it. And again, we want to thank the people, the wonderful benefactors here at Netflix is. I think that with Melania on Netflix, she could show Open Hole.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Do they do Open Hole on Netflix?

[Ben Kissel]

No Netflix. I feel like they do a little less nudity than I would like, to be honest.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, they do. That's for certain. Yeah. There should be more nudity.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. The nudity place.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Not even anymore. Now they even. They're even fighting on that.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. What happened to that?

[Henry Zebrowski]

There's a lot of penises, which I don't mind. I'll see the penises, but I want to see the same amount of penises and boobies.

[Ben Kissel]

You figure once discovery bought you, there'd be more like nature tits, at least. Ew.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You really shouldn't be jerking off at nature videos. I mean, they do. They had this show called Skins where this woman had a butthole for a mouth. Oh, well, that's.

[Ben Kissel]

That's cool.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's art.

[Ben Kissel]

That's cool. I like that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Netflix is great, but we are going to talk about. Obviously we would talk more about what's going on in Minneapolis, but it's a bit intense, and so we kind of want to give it its. Its credence. Go look it up. Just know for a fact that ICE is currently running around attacking children at a baseball field. You know, stuff like where it's really where the criminals are.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So they're really out working, but we're doing great.

[Ben Kissel]

They're capturing the five year olds and they're bringing them to concentration camps in Texas that we're not allowed to go in.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So don't worry there. Don't worry.

[Ben Kissel]

There's riots at the concentration camp where the child was all weekend.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Good.

[Ben Kissel]

No one's talking about that they wouldn't let Chris Murphy in all weekend.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, no, it's bad over there. It's better there. They're gonna try to send ICE agents to the Winter Olympics, but just understand. Which is where foreigners go.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So it's literally where they'd be. But they, you know, it's a whole thing. So I just want you to know we're against it, but we're sorry we look like them.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know, because I wish we've talked about this. We talked about this last episode. There should be more people out there gumming up the works.

[Ben Kissel]

Absolutely. Minneapolis doing a good job.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You have? Yes. Minneapolis, the. Apparently the rollout against what the current. The protest scene. What is happening? Minneapolis is so beautiful and in lockstep and getting bigger and bigger every day. And it's beginning to work. So I want to say good work out there, but I also want to reach out to the other fat bodied white dudes out there just like us. Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

All right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Go buy a gator.

[Ben Kissel]

Go buy a gator. Get a vest. Every police on it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All of their bullshit is completely purchasable. On Amazon.

[Ben Kissel]

Amazon Army Navy stores.

[Henry Zebrowski]

There's so much you could buy.

[Ben Kissel]

You use your own car.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Apparently, it's the easiest shit in the world to be ice. Go be one. And then what I say is mix it up in there. Get them real confused. Steal some stuff, set off some fucking flares. Like, the goal is to create generalized fun chaos from within ice. And the only people that can do it is other fat white men.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. And I want to say, like, if you want to turn ice, it's a nice. The Midwest is a great place to do it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

You know, if there's one. If there's one group of people that can make these guys turn around. And if not, you know, we'll just put them all in prison in a couple of years.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, absolutely. We're going to be rounding up every one of them. Don't worry if we have anything to do with it. And also give up to the. Give some money over to the Minnesota Freedom Fund. I did a bit of research about the idea of where money should go during a time like this.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And one of the things they said was bond funds for people getting out of jail.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. And if you got friends that are on the ground, make sure you hit them up. They all know different places that you could send Venmo to, like different food kitchens and shit like that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Where's Jamaica, everybody?

[Ben Kissel]

Where is Jamiroquai? He's oddly silent.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This is what is happening right now in this country is virtual insanity. And the fact that he is not out there in the streets right now. How hard it would be for them to get him while he's side moving slept back and forth.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, Jamiroquies coming back with another tour in Europe, South America and potentially North America. He ain't coming here.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No one's.

[Ben Kissel]

None of them are coming here anymore.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Come here also.

[Ben Kissel]

It's just like, don't come.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I already said that, Eddie. Right before this. No new J fans.

[Ben Kissel]

I. I just think that it's okay if I. If I want to start liking Jamaica. I like the virtual insanity. I like dancing furniture upside down.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's.

[Ben Kissel]

It's.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We had Lionel Richie. Yeah, Eddie, we had Lionel.

[Ben Kissel]

He's still alive. He's very much alive.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We have fingers crossed. We'll see.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, okay, well. Oh, real quick, before we move on too far, I was just like googling like a bunch of different stuff about like ice because I went down this horrible hole like we all did in this country last couple days. Yeah, sure. And I was just like, yeah, who's this Greg Bovino guy? You know, cuz you see his Nazi little face around and stuff like that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I love this long jacket.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes, his long jacket.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's good for hiding your nude body in the park.

[Ben Kissel]

You know, it's actually a normal jacket. He's just that tiny.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Any but look at that poetic walk. Anime men's suit cosplay uniform. You could just buy a uniform that looks just like what he was wearing. And that literally is Greg Bovino's entire outfit. You can buy it on Amazon for $52.

[Ben Kissel]

So I found this fun rumor. I don't think it's true. Might not be true, but I was looking up Greg Bovino rumors and my deep searches and I found a fun one. He went to Watuga High School in North Carolina. And apparently some of the people who were his classmates are saying that he was forced to eat a limp biscuit.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Now, for those of you who don't know Limp Bizkit, the band was named after a funny thing. Limp Bizkit is what in some terms I believe you could also refer to as an ookie cookie. Okie cookie was an old game that boys used to play to make each other homosexual, where they would play a game where they would all masturbate upon a cookie of some type. A piece of bread or an English muffin, depending on what time of day it is. I don't know when it's. Whatever is ready in the Kitchen.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And they all. Whoever. They all jerk off onto it. And then I believe it's one way is. I've heard the competitive style.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Which is the guy who comes last eats the cookie. That is one way. I've heard it. Another way to heard it was just somebody just hands you a cookie with.

[Ben Kissel]

Come on it and you're like, oh, it's frosted. Yeah, that's a salt. It is assault.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It is assault. But guess what?

[Ben Kissel]

It's a salty as well.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But I guess either way, I'm just happy. They tried to make Greg Bovino's mouth pregnant.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because he deserved every minute of it. Enjoy. I think he went back to El Centro.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, El Centro, California. He's coming back to our partisan. Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Enjoy.

[Ben Kissel]

No, he's. If he. You know, his dad killed a girl.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Really?

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, his dad had a DUI and he killed. Killed someone in a drunk driving accident.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Wow. That's more legitimate than what I said this weekend. I would also say the I do find interesting is that also Eddie noted that after all of the recent murderings that ICE has done in cold blood, they have recently changed their website to show it in memoriam of ICE soldiers on their thing to show like, how. How much in danger they are at all times.

[Ben Kissel]

The wall of honor. To honor everyone who's died. I started looking up and like, first off, took it all the way back to 1915, which isn't even as long as they've been a company or whatever.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Count doesn't matter then.

[Ben Kissel]

But most of them have died. More than 50% died of COVID Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Of course, because they are built to die of COVID Those neck gators don't work. They don't.

[Ben Kissel]

They don't work. They gotta wear real masks.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You fucking idiots.

[Ben Kissel]

You fucking morons. Everyone knows it doesn't work.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We all know your stupid face. Gators do nothing but hide in like they collect Covid. Yeah. So just know that. That those brave soldiers out there dying.

[Ben Kissel]

Of a cough, and they haven't lost1 since October 19, 2024.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, they're so safe out there.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes. Only two of them were killed by, I guess what you want to say immigrants, but you can't really say that because one of them was killed in Mexico.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, so he went. They went there.

[Ben Kissel]

They went there and he was killed in Mexico. So you can't even say an immigrant killed him because he wasn't. He was in Mexico.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't know what they were doing, but either way sounds like it went well. We have a bunch we have one update. Oh, one big update, which is our guy, El Jefe. We were excited about this guy Ryan Wedding, former Canadian snowboarding Olympian turned cartel kingpin.

[Ben Kissel]

I. You know, I don't. I still have never seen much proof on this.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We don't know anything. He was recently arrested. And that's what's sad is that's the entire update, is that we wanted more. We covered this in a previous episode. This awesome giant Canadian that won the hearts of the Lanoa cartel, that he went out there and they just saw that he had something plucky and they liked working with him. He was already running drugs for them while he was working. Like, just after the Olympic. He was like, you know, he's a real go getter.

[Ben Kissel]

He loves snow.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But he seems. He really did, Eddie. But he seems that he got. I guess he got ratted out. Is that what I know? I have no idea. They. There's very little details. We just know that he got arrested.

[Ben Kissel]

He got arrested in Mexico, and they're bringing him back to America. He's a Canadian snowboarder.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Maybe.

[Ben Kissel]

Maybe we're going to put him on our Olympic team. Maybe we're like. We're like, hey, guess what? You want to commute a sentence, strap on a snowboard and go, go, go to the Olympics in the next week.

[Henry Zebrowski]

If he wins the gold. Exonerated, right? If he goes, prison, nothing but gold. If he goes. That's a movie right there. That's the. That's the movie. Dude, that would be amazing. I'd love to see that.

[Ben Kissel]

Let me ask you one thing. How would you like to win the Olympics?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, it sounds really hard. Yeah, exactly.

[Ben Kissel]

Fly from your grave.

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[Ben Kissel]

On AMC plus All right, picture this. You're a squirrel. You're running through the yard. You're grabbing all the acorns, and you're taking them and you're stashing them in the ground. But here's the deal. When you take your acorns and you put them in the ground, they're still just an acorn, all right? Those acorns, they don't grow. They just sit there and they wait for you to eat them later. You don't dig it up, and it's two acorns. But you're not a squirrel. You're a human being. And those Acorns, those are just nuts. These Acorns, the one I'm telling you about, that's what's gonna make you that stinky, stinky, stinky money. That's right. Acorns is the financial wellness app that cares about where your money is going tomor and with the Acorns potential screen, you could find out what your money is capable of, not just eating it. In a couple weeks when you dig it up, it's gonna increase, it's gonna go up. And then when it goes up, that's when you get the power. Sign up now and Acorns will boost your new account with a five dollar bonus. Investment join the over 14 million all time customers who have already saved and invested over 27 billion do with Acords. Head to acorns.com left or download the Acords app to get started. Paid non client endorsement compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns tier 2 compensation provided potential subject of various factors such as customers accounts, age and investment settings do not include Acorns fees. Results do not predict or represent the performance of any Acorns portfolio. Investment result will vary. Investing involves risk. Acorns Advisors LLC and SEC Registered Investment Advisor. View important [e-mail] code now that the.

[Henry Zebrowski]

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[Ben Kissel]

Update, the Suicide Pods that are based out of Europe. The guy who made the suicide pods thinks that AI should be in charge of them. So I'm not using it. That doesn't you know what it is? I ain't using the suicide Pod. I'm going to do it the old fashioned way by police officer jumping in front of a train while Henry and I are on tour. I.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's funny because say what you will about me. Right. Obviously we're having problems with AI already. Or like in terms of just sucking up the water between grok. Making child porn because they, you know, do what you love and stuff like that. But the thing is, what do I trust even less? European AI.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't know why. Like I obviously don't trust American AI. But there's something about European AI that for me feels a little too like.

[Ben Kissel]

I feel like it's cuter somehow.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's too easy breezy.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Like I feel like. Like I could just see an AI smoking a cigarette. Like breastfeeding a child out of a sack of wine. Like I could see it doing what Europeans do.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. I think it's fine.

[Henry Zebrowski]

A lot of bush hair.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. We're AI. Netflix knows.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. That's why we're here.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

What's awesome about this show right now is that you think we are doing it, but we're not. These are avatars. This is.

[Ben Kissel]

I'm eating a Philly cheesesteak right now.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. I'm fucking a homemade pig shaped fuck toy right now in a fucking shed.

[Ben Kissel]

The oinker. Boinker.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. In Ocala. I'm in Florida right now. I'm not working. I'm expressing my sexual deviance.

[Ben Kissel]

That's right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Thank you, Netflix.

[Ben Kissel]

Thank you very much, Netflix. I tied the. The drawstring around my sweatpants to my shoelaces so it stays down and I never stop masturbating.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Wow. That's a real father.

[Ben Kissel]

I wonder if my mother in law is gonna watch this.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

You know, she won't figure out.

[Henry Zebrowski]

People are gonna watch those. They can't figure it out. Even my mom is like, she can't. They don't know. They don't know how to get to us. We definitely need to still well hidden on the app.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh yeah. No, I couldn't find us for like days.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, yeah. We're well hidden. Don't worry. But if you type in last L.

[Ben Kissel]

A S T, are we the first thing that comes up or just for.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You, one of them.

[Ben Kissel]

What else comes up?

[Henry Zebrowski]

There's some things. Yeah, there's some good stuff. Yeah, there's some stuff.

[Ben Kissel]

All right, man. You. I saw the. The new Matt Damon Ben Affleck movie.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, the new on the rip. The rip.

[Ben Kissel]

I like it because I like all Florida movies.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, sure.

[Ben Kissel]

It's not very good.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. We're starting good on Netflix.

[Ben Kissel]

We'll see what they censor here. That's a personal opinion.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, they're allowed. It's a personal opinion. If they shut us off for personal opinions, we're. We're going to start the revolution right fucking now.

[Ben Kissel]

I love how, like, I said all these horrible things about, like, Greg Beno eating a covered cookie, but I'm really worried about getting canceled from Netflix because I don't like the rip.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I mean, I think that's actually a more valid thing to worry about. Anticipating notes about this part. For sure. There's going to. I get more valid to worry about. But you know what? I'll say they're Murdoch series. It's the best of all. No.

[Ben Kissel]

Well, that's the great thing about them all, the true crime. That's why I never got rid of it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, it's great.

[Ben Kissel]

How to keep it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So let's go do some of these other stories. Do we want to start with a couple of fun ones? First of all, this one just got floated to me, and I wanted to just talk about this because someone randomly sent me this, and I haven't thought about this person in a very long time. And I had no idea how it all played out.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, this is your boy. Let's talk about it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All right, so if any. Does anybody remember the Glonky Guy?

[Ben Kissel]

I never heard of him, but I'm enthralled now.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All right, so look up the Glonky guy.

[Ben Kissel]

Are we allowed to show this video?

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, we're gonna show the video. Yes, I've already asked.

[Ben Kissel]

Okay, cool.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So play this interview right here. So this is Kyle Braun, otherwise known as the Glonky Guy. He did this funny viral interview six years ago. Now he's not the guy asking questions. He's the guy. He's the guy that says the words. I'm feeling pretty clunky right now. What's up?

[Ben Kissel]

What's up? What's up? How you feeling, man? I'm pretty glucky. Say what? I'm fine.

[Henry Zebrowski]

What? Yeah, I'm good.

[Ben Kissel]

How are you?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm good.

[Ben Kissel]

Can you finish these lyrics real quick? Okay. Back home again I can't wait to get back on the road again Back again Dude, like, throw the bag. I don't know if I noticed all.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Just look at this.

[Ben Kissel]

Back home again, back home again In Indiana land Looks like a culin that lives in a bong.

[Henry Zebrowski]

His name is Kyle Brown and that day this street interviewer found him. He seemed to be. I think he was probably On a couple of hits of acid, he was really enjoying himself. He was really. I think so. Probably some form of illusion.

[Ben Kissel]

I just saw him as like a. A stoner that can't. Just gets more stone than everyone else.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's kind of what they were saying. They thought he maybe did, but it turns out he stabbed his mother nearly to death.

[Ben Kissel]

So that's clunky.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Three years after that, Kyle Braun stabbed his mother hard. Right. Stabbed her up and down, back and forth, and he left the knife inside of her skull.

[Ben Kissel]

Left a knife in her skull.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Left knife in her skull to the point where the neighbors came over, heard her screaming. Right. Which is sad.

[Ben Kissel]

Kyle Brown.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This is another member of my Sinister six. The glunky guy is right next to the piggyback Bandit. He's right next to the Silent Man. Butt sniffer. I want to build this crew. I want to take this crew on a job. I want to go to. I want to kill the Ayatollah. I think the goal is to take these guys. We're going to kill the Ayatollah. The goal is to go over Iran, fix up this situation. Right. Kyle Braun, the glunky guy, he then also goes on to sue. He stabbed his mother. It's very bad. Right. The neighbors all came out. She was screaming. The neighbor came, and they said that he was holding the knife into her own skull because he had to keep the knife in her skull. Bite, just like, if you take it out. So he was just, like, gently holding the knife in her skull. She lived, she lives. Cal Bron goes on to then beat the. Out of his public defender.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because let's just say Kyle Braun didn't have to scratch for the guy that. What's his name, Nick Reiner, was gonna get. I mean, I have quite the scratch for that.

[Ben Kissel]

Nick Reiner got fired.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That guy got fired.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Oh, the guy got fired. I thought he fired Reiner.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He fired Reiner. He's trying to still say, oh, you know, Reiner's definitely not guilty.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, no, he's just trying to get another job. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But, yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, I don't. Also, Kyle Braun, I don't think it beat the shit out of. Is a good. He. He land punches.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's a lot on a public defender. Most of them know how to fight.

[Ben Kissel]

But, you know, face, head, and arm. So there's, like, we could say two of them probably went to the arm.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But either way, it is really thrown off his trial. He's still. He's been in bars. He's been behind bars ever Since. Yeah, he's not going anywhere. He hasn't gotten his trial yet. He really. He's literally just sitting there. But I will say, if you want to, you can go check out. His mom wrote a book. Oh, she wrote a book. Which is.

[Ben Kissel]

I got. My New Year's resolution is to read 10 books this year, but I feel.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Like this one you could maybe skip, only just because it just seems like it might need to be fully in there. But she. She wrote a book called I Saw. Was it what I. When I Saw God's Hand. Is the book that she wrote all about what it was like when she almost died when her son stabbed her?

[Ben Kissel]

She looks so happy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

She is the happiest woman to have her son almost murder her that I've ever seen.

[Ben Kissel]

It barely looks like she was stabbed in the head.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You can never. You can barely. You know what? It. It's the bangs. This is where a lot of bangs come into play, you know, because it can cover that puncture wound. She's very sweet. She's alive. I don't like the fact that immediately it was all about how God saved her when it was her neighbors. And your neighbor saved you, lady. They are the ones not God. God had nothing to do with it. God created your son. God created the miracle of birth that created the murderer that was supposed to fucking kill you. Okay, so she hasn't forgiven her son. She doesn't talk to her son. Not quite Christ. Like in my imagination.

[Ben Kissel]

She sells the book at Farmer's Market.

[Henry Zebrowski]

She does seems like. Go and check out When I Saw God's Hand and it was the left one. I think it's a book fair. He hit her, to be fair.

[Ben Kissel]

He hit her with the pen.

[Henry Zebrowski]

God's got that big backhand. He let her have it. That's why I'm not having kids. I just saw. I just wanted to cover this whole thing so you could remember that sometimes your memes. Memes are people. And when memes are people, they sometimes don't just stay within the meme. Sometimes they go to a bunch of other bad stuff.

[Ben Kissel]

Such beautiful words.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm feeling pretty clunky right now. I didn't think.

[Ben Kissel]

A bad sign.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's a bad sign, buddy. I'm feeling pretty clunky right now, all right? So just know that anytime that glonky feeling comes up, you just want to push it down.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, man. Well, I got a story I want to share with you, which is my favorite story of the week, and that is New York City. Mom, Don me's New York City is changing, Rob. You're going to be so proud of this, man. Cop under investigation after fatally shooting raccoon.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They're literally. Police officers are going to have to use yarn to arrest people.

[Ben Kissel]

When we lived in New York, they were straight up killing children and no one cared.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I remember when they strangled to death the guy from the bodega. You remember, they straight.

[Ben Kissel]

What's that guy? They strangled him because he was just selling cigarettes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

His. Lucy's.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, I remember that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. I remember the old days when it was like, you used to go down to the L train. You see two guys with assault rifles just going like, what kind of white are you? What kind of white are you? Like that kind of shit. Like, it's kind of crazy, man. Wow. You're going to be different.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. New York police officer fatally shot a raccoon at the beach. Piece of. You know, honestly.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But I will say it's raccoon shouldn't be on the beach.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. So apparently the police officer said they were trying to usher the raccoon to a safe location when the animals suddenly charged a group of people in an aggressive manner. So he just pulled out his guns. It just shot it in front of a bunch of people. First off, what's. What's everyone doing at the beach? It's cold out.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. I mean, no, it's not. You know, people do that in Coney island for some reason I never understood.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. So anyway, they're. They're looking at the body cam footage and where he. He was shouting audibly side. After the gunshot.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, man.

[Ben Kissel]

He knows.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He's just like, God damn. I'm gonna write me up for this, Aren't they?

[Ben Kissel]

Do I have to tell anybody?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Do I?

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Is this an act? Is this a crime? Have I done a crime?

[Ben Kissel]

When you kill a rag. When you shoot a raccoon, do you just put it back in the trash?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I just think it's because everybody saw it. Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

The chalk outline was the hardest part.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So cute. It's small. We'll talk about again. Did it have a phone on it? If the raccoon had a phone on it, you might want to blow its brains out because you can't allow them to fucking film you. God knows. It's not like you have body cams as it is.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. I think this is a good time for. To remind everybody how often cops kill animals.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Ben Kissel]

Do you know that on average, everyone's.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Going to hate this saddest part of the episode.

[Ben Kissel]

On average, cops kill. Are you ready for this 25 to 30 dogs a day, It's not a hard statistic, but it's an average of 10,000 a year.

[Henry Zebrowski]

God damn.

[Ben Kissel]

Personally, when I was arrested, at least they went. They shot the dog.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, that's right. I know. They shot my dog.

[Ben Kissel]

Lived, though.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. That was really wasn't my dog.

[Ben Kissel]

It was my friend's dog. But that dog lived. No, but they. Yes. So, you know, just to remember, keep your dogs away from cops.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, yeah. Lock them up. Which is also most cops. Dude, say keep. Put the dogs away. Yes, always do. So when you. When you're calling the cops over to, you know, like to tell them about how you know for a fact that Katy Perry is planning to assassinate your dentist. Right. Put the dogs away.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. It's really a sad search on the old Internet when you start looking at the videos. Because you know what? What? The dogs aren't always big.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, they're not. No, no, no.

[Ben Kissel]

A lot of times they're very small like your dogs.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I can actually see Car me getting herself in quite a bit of trouble with a police officer.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I can really see Carmi doing that. I know. Yeah. And that's why I talked about it with Natalie. If someone breaks into the house, I've said this where I pick up Carmi, throw Carmi at the guy coming to the house, and she's like, you're gonna sacrifice the dog? I was like, carmi has been wanting to do that to every person coming in this house since we got her. That's fulfilling her dream.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, man. I think if a cop shot Tootsie, her last words would be like, thank you. Yeah, I can't die.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's one of those. You shoot until you shoot her. She's dead. And she just. You're like, all like, morning and stuff and then toots each other.

[Ben Kissel]

T1000.

[Henry Zebrowski]

What the. And you gotta kill her now you're stabbing her. Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Ma', am, it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Do we want to do a story? Do we want to begin our death pool conversation?

[Ben Kissel]

I. Well, I just. Real quick, I think it's worth mentioning one more animal tech.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Great.

[Ben Kissel]

This woman was.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, this one is great.

[Ben Kissel]

This one's fun.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This one's the person got attacked.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes. A skiing tourist in China was taking a selfie with a snow leopard. And it straight up bitter face off.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Don't do it. What is people. People have. Have so much confidence when it comes to jungle cats. I don't understand.

[Ben Kissel]

We never see snow leopards, so I can understand, like, wanting to get a.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Picture of it from A far away.

[Ben Kissel]

You don't have to be in the picture. If you have a picture of a snow leopard, I'm gonna believe you.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Take a picture of yourself separate. Oh my God. You just see this lady being carried. Oh my God. Carrying her face onto her face. Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Literally, the. The snow leopard is just sitting there just like, what do you want from me?

[Ben Kissel]

Like. L. I.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Like I did nothing to do with. It's sitting there.

[Ben Kissel]

I did not consent to this photograph.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I got nothing to do. I don't know who this bitch is. I don't know what this situation is. I was hanging out. She put her face in my face.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Ripped her fucking nose off.

[Ben Kissel]

She got closer than 10ft and then it fucking attacked her as it should have.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Never get close to a snow leopard because guess what people are always trying to do to snow leopards? Murder it.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's the reason why it's endangered is because people murdered it for its coat over and over again. So probably even has some sort of like memory or understanding that humans are bad.

[Ben Kissel]

It don't like us.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No.

[Ben Kissel]

And it shouldn't.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't like us because they just. They know to give us a lot of le. That snow leopard is for its own sake saving itself from us.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's why it's doing it.

[Ben Kissel]

So I think this lady is a candidate for our pool but not going to make it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No. Because she lived, she lives. She's just going to be. She's just going to be probably taking a heck of a lot less selfies when you have a face transplant.

[Ben Kissel]

So Henry and I were talking about this and we know it is just because people.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm not even saying anything, but we've seen some of these face transplants, right, Rob? Yes.

[Ben Kissel]

Have we seen somebody.

[Henry Zebrowski]

To finally be able to not hear their screams. It's so nice to be able to leave my house and not hear the children scream and gasps, you know. But they're brave and we. We have to like them.

[Ben Kissel]

I think she'll be okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't care. I don't care if she's okay. I think it's stupid. I blame her entirely.

[Ben Kissel]

I mean, of course you blame her entirely. An appetor either way. Henry and I had a long talk about doing a death pool this year. And we know that it is morally reprehensible. I think is a good. Is a good way to put it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's what some people say. Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

But we figured out how to make our death pool decent amongst humanity.

[Henry Zebrowski]

What we have decided to do Is that what we're gonna. I think because we're. We all have fun. People love to bet, right? We love to bet. We never get to do it. I hate sports and I hate all this stuff. You don't like gambling, but. Yeah, but this isn't gambling.

[Ben Kissel]

Right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This is fun.

[Ben Kissel]

Right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So the goal here is that, no.

[Ben Kissel]

We'Re losing the money no matter what.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We, Eddie and I, make no money.

[Ben Kissel]

We make nothing. That is how this is. Okay. We make no money. How? With. If we're gonna pick three people that we know are gonna die, we think.

[Henry Zebrowski]

People that were certain that we're gonna die, a fourth person we consider outlier. Yes. Right. Of those three people, if one of them dies this year, in the year of 2026, we will give a hundred dollars for each person that dies to the way that they died. We will give to the cause.

[Ben Kissel]

So if it's lung cancer, we're gonna give to the Lion King Society. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

If it's old age, I'm just gonna give money to a baby.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Or. Or a nursing home or something.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Something like that, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're gonna do something like that. Right. And then the goal is that if our fourth person dies, if the outlier.

[Ben Kissel]

Dies, the odd person, that we're just pick.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Them that to that charity. $1,000. Right. So you might want to hope that one of the outliers die.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes. Now, I know what you're thinking. What happens if you're three definitely going to die? People don't die. Well, we thought of that, and what we're going to do is if Henry's people all. If he picks three people and they all live, at the end of the year, he's going to give $300 to the charity of my choice. Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yep.

[Ben Kissel]

And then. And then vice versa. The same way.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So that's what we're going to do. We're going to. And then if it die, if each one of them dies, we give them all out. We're going to pay out all money.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. That's how we're doing it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So that's what we're gonna do. And now let's get to the fun part is who's gonna die?

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, and Trump and Biden don't count.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We decided no Trump, no Biden. And we also basically decided if it's extremely political, technically, we should have it be even. Only for the sake of fun.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because honestly, I'd wipe them all out if I could. I'd literally blow up the White House if I Was allowed to. You can all.

[Ben Kissel]

You only have to be president to do that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I know. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Jealous. And he got to rip the whole wall off.

[Ben Kissel]

So I got three definitely gonna dies this year.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Ben Kissel]

On my death list. And the first one I think probably could die by the time this comes out. And that's Gary Ridgeway. Sure. Oh, wow.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Eddie.

[Ben Kissel]

Gary Ridgeway is number one on my death pool.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Okay.

[Ben Kissel]

Because he is actively dying in prison.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We know that he's dying.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That he's dying.

[Ben Kissel]

People have sent us messages. It's been in the news. You know. He is actively dying in prison. What's it. What's his sickness, Rob? What's he dying?

[Henry Zebrowski]

He's got a. He's got a cancer.

[Ben Kissel]

He's got a cancer. Okay. So I think, like this is like a lock.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Ben Kissel]

I feel like I'm gonna give a hundred dollars to cancer pretty soon. Gary Ridgeway's gonna die. He's like a part of our show.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. I think it makes a heck of a lot of sense.

[Ben Kissel]

And like, I did one of those buzzfeed things years ago where it's like, you know, find out which serial killer you are. Yeah. And I was the Green River Killer. That makes sense. So I feel like I have this connection to Gary Ridgewood.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You're just like him.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Barely can read, loves strangling workers. Yes. Refused to read Gary Ridgeway, though actually was. He was probably developing. Probably developmentally handicapped. But we'll get to it.

[Ben Kissel]

All right. Who's your first guy?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think, because now you said that Gary Ridgeway is yours. I will also show my lock. That's your lock? Yeah, My lock for this year. Yeah. Unfortunately, Buzz Aldrin.

[Ben Kissel]

You think so?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. That's my lock for this year is Buzzer, because I think that originally was going to be Mel Brooks, but I can't do it. I also. He's going to live out of spite.

[Ben Kissel]

Mel Brooks is going to keep going for a while.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think Dick Van Dyke is going to live this year.

[Ben Kissel]

I think Dick Van Dyke's going to make it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So Buzz Aldrin.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Is my.

[Ben Kissel]

You think? Definitely. How is. How do you think he's going to die? Is he sick?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think massive heart attack.

[Ben Kissel]

Massive heart attack for Buzz Aldrin.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. I think in his sleep.

[Ben Kissel]

Well, he did punch that reporter, right?

[Henry Zebrowski]

He gets angry.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He gets angry.

[Ben Kissel]

All right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So I put him on there. I put just his birthday. Yes.

[Ben Kissel]

96 years old, reportedly facing declining health and increasing isolation following the death of his wife. Yes. They always die right after the wife.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm just saying. Only for the pool, I think. I don't want him really now. But it's a pool.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. No, no, like I said, we're donating, you know, we're. This is going back to the people. It's going back to the people. All right, my next person who I think is close to a lock, but not a lock. William Shatner. Yeah, sure. I think we're losing the Shat man this year.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He's old. He's old. He's been in the news recently.

[Ben Kissel]

I think he's gonna boldly go.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, I could possibly see that. He's not looking great. He does get. Again, he's a bit angry.

[Ben Kissel]

He's in the Hollywood Hills. I know that. He owns a bunch of Domer pinchers. Yeah. Hey, you have walked by his house. I've seen they've barked very, very loudly. Good.

[Henry Zebrowski]

As they should be. I hope he trained them to attack.

[Ben Kissel]

But yeah, William Shatner. I mean, I'm surprised he's still alive. He's always looked very unhealthy to me.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He's an alcoholic.

[Ben Kissel]

Bulk. But not. Probably not anymore.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Who knows?

[Ben Kissel]

I don't think you could be that long.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I mean, you'd be surprised, man.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

What is it in this?

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He eats cereal while he's driving.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It could be a car accident. What if it's a car accident?

[Henry Zebrowski]

To be honest, eating cereal while driving, bringing the bowl out, that's a baller move.

[Ben Kissel]

Honestly, I'm kind of rethinking everything I'm saying right now.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I mean, that's kind of.

[Ben Kissel]

He's out eating cereal in the streets.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He might be pretty capable.

[Ben Kissel]

He might be fine.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The fact that he could have a bottle of liquid in his lap and drive, that kind of speaks. He might have a little more control over his. His faculties.

[Ben Kissel]

You think he would. Oh, yeah, that's a bit. Is that flax?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think it's flaxen brand.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's gonna stay in regular.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, he really has.

[Ben Kissel]

You got to stay regular at home, though.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Don't do it on the move, dude. I take whatever I can. I am so full of fiber. I will. Your pants.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, they don't call him the Shat man for nothing.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I am filled with legumes. All right. Yeah. So there's that one. Okay. My next one. One Sad. I think this is going to be close to a lock.

[Ben Kissel]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Jack Nicholson.

[Ben Kissel]

You think so?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think this might be.

[Ben Kissel]

He's not Even on the. The official list. He's not even on it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think this is the year.

[Ben Kissel]

I feel like he's healthier than ever. I feel like he. I feel like he could have died, like, four or five years ago, but now I feel like he's on an uptick.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Apparently, his dementia is very. It is accelerating.

[Ben Kissel]

Well, you know what we say about that dimension. It.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Don't mention it. Come on, y'.

[Ben Kissel]

All.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Come on, y'.

[Ben Kissel]

All. I don't know, man. He's been going to Lakers games lately. He's been in public more. I feel like Jack's gonna around for a little bit longer.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Who knows? Look at.

[Ben Kissel]

He's signing autographs. This is a good time.

[Henry Zebrowski]

2016, buddy. That was nine years ago.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, God, he looks awful.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That was 10 years ago, man.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, that was a long time ago.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, it really was. Oh. Oh, yeah. Was. Yeah. He's very old.

[Ben Kissel]

I love how you chose him over Roman Polanski.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know what it is? It's just something about European life. They live better. They live better life. They live a higher quality of life. They get better food. They're more relaxed. He now wrote, roman Blansky doesn't have to do anything. Anything. Yeah, that's the best part about being canceled in Europe. They love when you're canceled in Europe. If you're an old rapist in Europe, they put you in the government just like we do. But they do it with the old guys.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, or they took. They took the prince out, you know?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Barely.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Andrew, formerly known as Barely, got fired from being a prince.

[Ben Kissel]

Like, it doesn't come with a huge package that he just gets to live off of another castle.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He just gets to be. He just gets to do nothing.

[Ben Kissel]

Now.

[Henry Zebrowski]

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[Ben Kissel]

All right, my guy, this one's also very, very sad. He's currently experiencing age related health challenges. But, you know, he is a hundred. So I think that is, you know, part of it. And I think we're going to lose, unfortunately, I think we're going to lose David Attenborough.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, I could see him finally being sick of talking about anglerfish. And I could see him finally just saying, you know what this Blue earth. I am sick and tired of this blue dam earth. All I wish to do is be consumed by the lions that I see out on here, deep into the sarin gat.

[Ben Kissel]

I was watching one of his shows recently, and he does this thing in one of the shows where they, like, just take him and they. They literally put him in the middle of the jungle and he can't walk and he's just kind of standing. There we are in the great episode, the wonderful, wonderful.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This is the dead middle of the Amazon and I am here surrounded by spiders, wondering which one will claim my death.

[Ben Kissel]

So I really feel like he could die out in the wild. Would be the cabal seeing death for David Attenborough. I would. I hope he gets ripped apart by gorillas so I can give money to gorillas.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I would rather him get ripped apart by animals and like himself, the death of some horrific virus out there.

[Ben Kissel]

I tell you what, after 80. Yes, for me, too. Like, I'd much rather.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I don't want to get ripped apart.

[Ben Kissel]

By animals beforehand, but after 80, let's rock. Okay, let's do this.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, I get it. Because then it's just like, give me something new. Yeah, give me something new. Everything's boring.

[Ben Kissel]

Know what I like about this show is I've predicted my death in every single way so that whenever I do die, definitely have a clip.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, anytime. That's the idea. Making content. All right, here we go. Here's my third fall into a thresher machine, I think.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. My tits ripped off by a threshing machine.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's incredible. What we need to do is put these up on the wall behind us, though, for the rest of the year, too.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, yeah. Then we can put X's over their face.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So my. My third.

[Ben Kissel]

Or at least over their tube stones.

[Henry Zebrowski]

My third is. He's under a lot of stress right now, and I think that it's going to really affect him because he looks like absolute Noam Chomsky.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, yeah. Noam Chomsky. I feel like that's a lock.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think Noam Chomsky's a lock, so I think he's going down this year. I think that he's got nothing left to say. I think the final words that he will say that will be. That will be forever uttered across the world is, bring that little girl and put her on my penis. The pedophile.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Is he?

[Ben Kissel]

Probably. Oh, I don't know. I thought he was a decent guy. I don't really know much about him.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Noam Chomsky Is one of Epstein's best friends.

[Ben Kissel]

He's.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He's a part of one of EP's gal pals. He was in all the pictures. Like, he love. They love each other.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, okay. All right. Well, see you later. No.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Maybe this would be the year the GI free epine finally dies, too.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes. We're going to find him. Oh, yeah, there he is, just hanging on the plane, having a great time.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Everything he has to say, let's now. Let's go through our. Our Al. Like, let's go through our options now.

[Ben Kissel]

While he's dying, they're going to have to change his name to Moan Chomsky.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's if he doesn't lose his tongue and throat.

[Ben Kissel]

I hope he doesn't get eed. All right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That was the worst part about him because he loved ice cream. God, the Eber must have been so sad when he couldn't lick anymore.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Where did the popcorn go?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I know. I think he just got. He had to just shove it in that little bandana.

[Ben Kissel]

All right, here. I got five, but I'm gonna. I just wanted to talk to you about my five.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. Because three that I think, because I'm.

[Ben Kissel]

Gonna pick one of these five.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Ben Kissel]

And if one of these five, I mean, for my own brain, I should probably pick the one I think is going to live because I don't want to pay the grand.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But I mean, you. I'm gonna.

[Ben Kissel]

I'm gonna. But now I'm going to pick, like, where I'm gonna go. I'm gonna take one of these guys who I think is gonna die. But I really need your opinion, because I think a lot of these guys are close. A lot of these guys are random. Like, I think first one on my. My maybe list. Andy Dick.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Okay.

[Ben Kissel]

I feel like Andy Dick, you know.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He'S probably close to even just a regular death, you know, he is.

[Ben Kissel]

The thing is, Andy Dick is, like, in rehab right now, so it could work, and I could be wrong or.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Not, or he commits a crime and he finally gets murdered the way he needs to be.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes, that's very true.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's very possible.

[Ben Kissel]

It's very true.

[Henry Zebrowski]

When I do my alternates, my thing with my, like, the kind of the. I chose, though, girls, because no, I don't want.

[Ben Kissel]

No one wants to watch a woman die.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Think of a young woman dying. It's always murder, right? It's never like, something we can even joke about, you know? So I think the first one I.

[Ben Kissel]

Talking about, we joke about people getting murdered every day. That's Our job. It's what we got hired for.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So it's like my number one choice for the outliers.

[Ben Kissel]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Finn Wolfhard.

[Ben Kissel]

Really?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. From Netflix. Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Wow.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You're talking about an outlier.

[Ben Kissel]

That is an outlier.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because he just hosted snl.

[Ben Kissel]

No, it's.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, okay. Oh, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He did great, right?

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, I'm sure he was fine.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm just saying. That's my.

[Ben Kissel]

That's your. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's your outline.

[Ben Kissel]

That's why it's a thousand dollars. I pick people who I think are going to die.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Andy Dick. All right, next one, Bill O'Reilly.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Wow. I didn't even realize he was still alive.

[Ben Kissel]

75, 76. And he's. We got to remember, dude's huge.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He's got cancer. He's got. He's sick.

[Ben Kissel]

Is he sick?

[Henry Zebrowski]

He's always got something. He's got something. He's all full of hate.

[Ben Kissel]

He's gigantic.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. He's a big man.

[Ben Kissel]

Like, it really. He really is full of. I, I was standing next to him once when he was still employed over at Fox News.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

And I had no idea how, like, huge and heavy breathing he was. And that was a long time ago.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. He's a big piece of.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So he didn't make a great dead guy.

[Ben Kissel]

But those evil people, they live forever.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I know.

[Ben Kissel]

Dick Cheney, like, you know that kind of stuff.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Absolutely.

[Ben Kissel]

You know, and so I, I really feel like. But I'm, I'm saying Bill O'Reilly's very high on my list.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Got it.

[Ben Kissel]

He's got like 20 pound ears. You know, that's got to be weighing down his neck.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, it's got killing him.

[Ben Kissel]

He's dying.

[Henry Zebrowski]

His ears are now at the point where they're growing independent of the rest of his body.

[Ben Kissel]

Bill O'Reilly reveals mystery health battle.

[Henry Zebrowski]

O. He stands back from work. As I was saying, he's not feeling good.

[Ben Kissel]

All right. He's leading my outlier list right now.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Second one, deforvid. Defor. So I'm choosing.

[Ben Kissel]

You think he's going to. You think he's going to do it himself?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think he's going to kill himself.

[Ben Kissel]

Right?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Ben Kissel]

I mean, suicide hotline needs $1,000. I think that be great.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Absolutely does.

[Ben Kissel]

I mean, that'd be great if you sent it to them.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They're going to try to offer him a deal. It seems like it because they're. They also got his other buddy arrested recently. His friend got arrested. We don't really know what the hell is going on with this Case. We don't really. We know that he's supposed to be charged with the crime.

[Ben Kissel]

Bought a. He bought an incinerator.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But I do believe deforvid is going to be. Not for the long. For this world.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. That's my view. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, defor. I really don't want Henry to win this. Dial 988. Just think about it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

If you got to. If you got to. Or don't make the money.

[Ben Kissel]

My next. All right, so I got a couple. So I'm going to burn through, like, two of them right now, actually. I'm just going to go my other three, and then. Then I'm going to pick. I'm going to pick one after you go.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, sure, sure, sure.

[Ben Kissel]

Chris Christie.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Okay.

[Ben Kissel]

Easily. I mean, huge, man. Definitely been putting a lot of Taylor ham into that heart. A lot of pork rolls going in there, dude.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yes.

[Ben Kissel]

You know, and I'm not sure how much of it's actually coming. Coming out, so I think. I think Chris Christie easily could die this year. I think, you know, he's been fat for his whole life. I think that could take him out. David. Ike.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, David. I could go.

[Ben Kissel]

David. I could go.

[Henry Zebrowski]

David. I could go.

[Ben Kissel]

This could be. This could be the year that we lose him.

[Henry Zebrowski]

David. I could go.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. And then Jon Voight.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. You know what? They're all.

[Ben Kissel]

John Void looks really bad.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He really does.

[Ben Kissel]

He looks really, really bad.

[Henry Zebrowski]

These are. Or any of these outliers. I feel like a lot of these are guys. Well, they're not very much that I.

[Ben Kissel]

They're not on the actual list.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Ah. That's what.

[Ben Kissel]

That's what I consider an outlier. You know, they're like.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's the Vegas death pool.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Thing. See, because my third outlier. Pope Leo.

[Ben Kissel]

Pope Leo.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Wow.

[Ben Kissel]

I think we're gonna deal with this motherfucker for, like 20 years.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think.

[Ben Kissel]

I think we got a 20 year post.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think he gets sick and die any day.

[Ben Kissel]

No.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You never know.

[Ben Kissel]

How old is he? How old's Pope Leo, though? I think these are my outliers. I. Yeah, yeah. Pope Leo. Age 70. We could have Pope Leo for 20 years.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Who knows?

[Ben Kissel]

I think they keep these guys alive.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Depends on what crimes they do. Benedicto stood down.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Remember, Benedicto said no more.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. The Nazi pope. Yep. And he died, too.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All right.

[Ben Kissel]

Okay. These are good.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I will choose Pope Leo.

[Ben Kissel]

Pope Leo. You're choosing Pope Leo.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Ben Kissel]

All right. Okay. And I am out of my guys. John. Convoy. David Ike. Chris Christie. Andy Dick and Bill O'Reilly. I think most likely Bill's gonna go.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think. Well, that's the most likely. That's why I feel like it's not an outlier. I feel like you need to choose one that's a little bit more iffy. I think Andy Dick is a good one.

[Ben Kissel]

Andy Dick's a good one. Only because he grabbed my dick one time personally, and I. And I actually just don't like it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, my pick. Rob's pick is Bill Cosby. You don't.

[Ben Kissel]

How is Cosby not on the list.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Up in Memphis? Because nobody. Nobody cares. Because nobody want. Nobody cares if he lives or dies.

[Ben Kissel]

Here's the thing is he isn't doing anything.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No.

[Ben Kissel]

He's just sitting around chilling. He could do that for a while.

[Henry Zebrowski]

My uncle keeps threatening to go on tour.

[Ben Kissel]

My Uncle Alby spent. He died at, like, I want to say, almost 90, and he lied in a hospital bed in his dining room for 10 years. You never know how long these people could just stick around in their own home.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, I know. We're going to watch our current. Our current president is going to stack Dagger through the next three years, and we're going to watch it. We're going to watch every day as he melts further and further into his shoes.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We are going to see that pedophile die on his feet until he. He's not going to die.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

His body is going to live. His body is going to live. I'm going to say Trump's going to live another 10, 15 years.

[Ben Kissel]

I mean, they're keeping him alive on some kind of his pure.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He's going to be a vegetable.

[Ben Kissel]

I mean, we saw how quickly his ear healed. I mean, they're really taking care of him.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, he's like Wolverine. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. We're gonna see him die in the next. I could say he'll be. He'll be dead to that point, but he's gonna. He's gonna do. I'm saying, 10, 15 years.

[Ben Kissel]

All right. My official list of people definitely gonna go David Attenborough, William Shatner, Gary Ridgeway. Okay. And my outlier is gonna be Andy Dick. Yep. Handy Dick.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Mine is Buzz Aldrin.

[Ben Kissel]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Jack Nicholson.

[Ben Kissel]

Jack Nicholson.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The third was the Noam Chomsky.

[Ben Kissel]

Noam Chomsky.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And my outlier is Pope Leo.

[Ben Kissel]

Pope Leo. All right. Okay. I like this. I don't feel like. I feel like the Pope's going to be fine. I think you're safe at your grand.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But it's just more just like if you want to be a big shocker. Yeah. About big shit. What's a big shocker? That's what I thought. It's not really like.

[Ben Kissel]

That's the thing. Andy Dick isn't like a shocker.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No. Like, it's more like what could complet come out of nowhere. And so I was trying to choose something that would also maybe not involve murder. Yes.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Yeah, right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Anyone like, you know, they like Finn Wolfhard. I thought in my head, household accident. Oh, I could see it's like a ladder thing. Yeah. Falls. Falls down, falls in the night. Doesn't climb any ladder. Yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

He doesn't do anything. He doesn't even do his laundry.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Wolfhard. I like him as an. I think a good kid. He's a good actor.

[Ben Kissel]

Finn, I think you should come on the show and show Henry how healthy you are.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I would. I'm not trying to say. I'm saying I was trying to choose in my head.

[Ben Kissel]

His last is Wolfhard.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It was like, literally like the Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man. I was trying to think, who's the healthiest person you like, who's not gonna die? That was like the first thought of my head. It was like, Finn Wolfhard.

[Ben Kissel]

Finn Wolfhard's gonna.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Not gonna die. That's why I put him on the list. Is that because, like. Oh, because he's healthy, fun, doesn't do any dumb, just obviously doesn't seem to be doing hard drugs. Is out there having a good time, having just, like, loving life, having a positive time. His whole life is a happy of him. What a great tragedy that would lead towards a big, you know, payout to a charity. Yeah, but that's not what happened. I don't want that to happen, so I want the tragedy to happen to the Pope.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So that's why I'm doing this now.

[Ben Kissel]

Do you have to give the money to the Catholic Church? No, no, because he's murdered by a bunch of bishops.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Then I would. Then I would if. No, it's more that if he dies, it shows that God doesn't help anybody. He dies early. It proves that God doesn't exist.

[Ben Kissel]

So I don't have to pay anything.

[Henry Zebrowski]

His people.

[Ben Kissel]

All right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, we're going to get in trouble or whatever.

[Ben Kissel]

I mean. No, I mean, this is what they.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We're giving a charity.

[Ben Kissel]

We're giving it to charity.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This is satire.

[Ben Kissel]

This is that. I mean, we're really going to give the charity, though.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But that part's not sat.

[Ben Kissel]

That's not satire. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The rest of it's just an expression. Depression.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. No, that's. I think, I think it's good to talk about death.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I, I think that part of the reason why I even wanted to do it is because the last year truly between losing my dad, talking to a bunch of people about death. Like as you've talked you've been through how many people come up to you constantly.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh man. Messages almost every day about people who lose their parents because I've lost both of mine.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think that it really is such a. A In America we don't like talking about is a thing that we push down. And I think that it's okay to laugh a little bit about all the fucked up shit because we have to. And I also think that it's the. It's coming for us no matter what.

[Ben Kissel]

Absolutely.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And so we're all going to be preoccupied with it and we push it away and we don't talk about the death process because it scares all of us and it means we're not working. And I think that in America were very much like this idea that you know, we still, even, even a lot of us don't. This romantic idea of we don't retire, we work until the moment that we die our last breath and all this. You just like no, there's no time. It's like no one takes any time at their end of their life literally to die properly.

[Ben Kissel]

You know who took time and I think it was good that they did. Gene Hackman.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Ben Kissel]

He took like over 10 years. He chilled out the end of his life, you know and he's just like hung out at his house and he just. I mean he died very sadly. He did but still I think, you know, thank God he had those years to just chill. He doesn't need to yell on camera until he dies.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It doesn't matter how you die. All death is sad. Like he was going to happen either way. Is it is. Yeah. It was fogged up the way that he died. But dying like as in the fetal, you know, hospital bed is just as bad as sucks and dying that age.

[Ben Kissel]

In your own home. We should all be so lucky.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. And so I think that's why people get all icky icky about it. But I think that we're all going to die. We're all, all going to die.

[Ben Kissel]

So it. As long as it's not brutally by the police, who cares? That's that's thing man.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Can't take it with you.

[Ben Kissel]

So.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All right, so we here, we got some.

[Ben Kissel]

Should we get to you Got a listener mail.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I have plenty of listener mail.

[Ben Kissel]

Let's do one of those like, because last week we were talking about the guy who died in the dough mixer.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I forgot, I forgot. Also your buddies from Portland, they're the ones who sent in this awesome stuff. Stinger for listener email. Let's play it again.

[Ben Kissel]

Okay, cool.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Are you horny, Henry? Yes. Sure.

[Ben Kissel]

Now it's time for legendary.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's awesome.

[Ben Kissel]

Thank you.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's really great. Awesome. That's Werewolf.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Oh, Werewolf.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Werewolf. Werewolf.

[Ben Kissel]

Werewolf.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So we got so many up messages.

[Ben Kissel]

Messages. Yeah. Send side stories lpotlgmail.com if anyone wants to send us some good old new hate mail.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, Please, please just tell us what bastards we are.

[Ben Kissel]

Fun. I don't read it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And so this one, everybody sent in messages. We last week we covered. It's kind of like talked about this. The story of a woman got stuck in this baking machine, immediately murdered up. Like horrific story. So we got. Because like a lot of our listeners work in the restaurant industry.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, we're kitchen people.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We have a lot of kitchen. Kitchen people. A of bakery industry. And so we got a lot of stuff.

[Ben Kissel]

I love you by the way.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We do. There's nothing I love more. There's nothing I cherish more or would protect with my very life. And a chef and a waiter.

[Ben Kissel]

That's right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I love chefs and waiters and people that run restaurants more than any civil servant, more than any nurse, more than anything else. I think you are the best people of us.

[Ben Kissel]

I like chefs more than waiters, but like waiters more than man managers.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I was listening to your story about the woman who died in the bread mixer and reminded me of a cautionary tale that I've been told is a coffee roaster for a small independent company, Spring Hill Jack Coffee. That. That's not them, but reach out. What's going on, bro? Buyer coffee. It's still out there. The vast majority of coffee roasters use a drum roaster, most of which have a large tray on the front of the machine with an arm inside that that spins relatively slowly. Slowly, but with a huge amount of torque. This is to stir the coffee after it finishes roasting while a fan beneath the tray pulls air through it to cool the coffee as quickly as possible. When I started the job, I wore a Choco brand strap style bracelet that is common in the outdoor community. My boss saw it, warned me that I should probably not wear it to work because a coffee roaster I believe in either Colorado or California had Gotten her arm ripped, picked off by the stirrer. She was wearing the same style bracelet while she was roasting when I got hooked on the steering arm. And she proceeded to get pulled around the tray and up against the body of the roaster where the stirrer was able to break. Then remove her arm from about the mid forearm down. From what I understand, she lived. And they were. They were able to reattach her arm with very little long term problems.

[Ben Kissel]

Wow.

[Henry Zebrowski]

According to legend, she had a tattoo on her forearm that they were able to piece back together with only a small scar running through the middle. Oh.

[Ben Kissel]

Something to remember. Cool, right?

[Henry Zebrowski]

But be careful.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, those coffee roasters are big, dude.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Nothing dangly. Yeah, there's another one. Well, I was in the navy. We were briefed on the dangers of rotating machinery. Machines do not care if there is squishy human bits in the way it is. If it is strong enough to overcome the friction of human bones and senu being in the way, it will. I remember very distinctly a story and picture video they shared of a young woman who got a job at a shop that used lathes and other big equipment to make things out of metal. The operator on duty had sent her to go start a machine. And when she took longer than expected to come back, he went to investigate. He found was left of her wrapped around a large metal rod about a foot in diameter, recognized only by these scraps of fabric that made up her clothes. She was a mass of pulped meat and crushed bones squeezed tight by the clothing wrapped around the rope rod. Rotating machinery. Scary.

[Ben Kissel]

It is terrifying.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And this is the last. This one's like really? This? All of these are.

[Ben Kissel]

I mean, there's no way they're going to be nice. Here we go. This is.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This is a longer one. This one's really. I was so excited to hear you guys talk about the poor baker who died after getting caught in dough mixer.

[Ben Kissel]

I guess he's going to like this.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Episode because I celebrate death, but because I too have been caught in a dough mixer. Obviously I didn't die, but I have some gnarly photos. My first job out of college was in a ramen shop. One of the things that made this ramen shop stand out from the other shops in the area was the fact that we handmade all of our own noodles. We made a thinner, drier wheat noodle and a thicker, doughier, chewier egg noodle.

[Ben Kissel]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We use this very fancy machine imported from Japan. This machine had all the features. It would not only roll and cut the dough precisely but also had a built in dough mixer. I know exactly the machine. It costs a lot of money. I just saw it on cl. Culinary Class War, season two.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. If you gotta change out the thing, unplug it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Culinary Class War on Netflix. Some best things I got in there. I want to be on. I want to be on that culinary class. Have you seen Culinary Classwork?

[Ben Kissel]

Are you pitching yourself for Netflix shows?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I can't get on that show. You have to be Korean. That's really good. The mixer consisted of a basin with a long rod welded inside. Attached to the long rod were smaller dull spikes that rotated on the rod to mix the dough. On the bottom of the basin was a removable plate that slid out to move the dough from the mixing basin to a container that could then be removed and placed on a conveyor belt to the dough press. The mixer was turned on and off by a lever on the side and also adjusted the speed of the mixing. When I started working there, I begged and pleaded to be out on the noodle duty. I was fully trained. I want to be on noodle duty, Daddy. Noodle duty for me. I was fully trained on how to make the noodles. And on the day I was scheduled to make the egg noodles for the first time, my co worker pointed to a sign in the wall that said, there's the instructions. Have fun. The egg noodle dough was a completely different consistency from the wheat noodles. The dough was stickier, thicker, a little.

[Ben Kissel]

Harder to work with. Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I mixed all the ingredients and then I transferred my dough to the mixer to start mixing. When the dough is all mixed, I set the mixer to the lowest possible speed, remove the plate at the bottom of the the basin. And then I did it. I stuck my hand into the mixer while it was running.

[Ben Kissel]

No.

[Henry Zebrowski]

To help push the sticky dough into the container on the bottom.

[Ben Kissel]

Don't even put a stick in there, man.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No, I am not a smart woman. She wrote this.

[Ben Kissel]

She wrote that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The whole thing happened in slow motion. I don't know if how I wasn't fast enough to remove my arm in time, but I watched in detached wonder. One of the spikes moved closer and closer to my right arm until it started touching the spot skin. Then it kept going and going. I remember thinking, wow, that's going to be a huge bruise. Only to suddenly realize that, no, this wasn't a bruise. The spike was legitimately impaling my arm. The first thing I did was stop the machine. Then I started screaming. I honestly didn't feel any pain at the time. I was so shocked by what was happening. The problem with the mixer is that none of the parts except the bottom plate was detachable. So it was completely welded unit. I was essentially pinned in this machine and absolutely could not be freed without a sp assistance. Anyway, emergency services were called. They wound up shutting down the whole block while the firefighters stood around looking at me with equal parts amazement and judgment. Because on one hand, this machine is unique. None of them have seen it before. Another. What kind of dumbass sticks their arm in a moving machine? Me, apparently.

[Ben Kissel]

It's okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's okay. It's a mistake, you know, what are you gonna do?

[Ben Kissel]

Don't beat yourself up.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They wound up breaking out what I think was a circular saw to cut me out of the machine while I begged them not to because I didn't want to be fucking fired. I did not get fired. Good on your boss.

[Ben Kissel]

I don't know if that's good. I think the boss had a case to let her go. I think the boss might have had put.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Might have had his hands held against, certain he might even be difficult. They wound up breaking out what I think was a circular saw. Right. The whole operation took 45 minutes. I wound up having a wound so deep they couldn't stitch it shut. I had to pack the wound twice a day with wet gauze and then bandage the whole arm until it healed.

[Ben Kissel]

That is gross. When you have to stick the gauze into the wound, really understand how much.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We are just meat.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know, good news. I am more or less completely unscathed. My arm is fine except for a sweet scar. I have no permanent damage. I got so lucky the day before my accident. A man in the international district of my city lost his arm in a similar incident at a fortune cookie factory. No, no. I wish I was making this up. I got a free coffee out of the situation, approximately $30 in missed wages, plus a blurb in the local paper. My boss got a hefty fine from osha and I was never allowed to make noodles again. That is crazy, dude.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, man.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That is crazy, man. That is very, very scary. There's so many. We. Honestly, I got three more. I can't even do it. I can't even go to the rest of them.

[Ben Kissel]

I got three more of them, by the way. I know. I just dropped the email. We're not doing ripped apart by machines at the end of every episode. So send us an email about something.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I will do more, though, if you have some. They're really, really good. Also, I will say, when we did our reporting on the Piggyback Bandit as well. I got a lot of messages, people saying it happened to me, too.

[Ben Kissel]

Really?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Piggyback Bandit. He was out there 12 years.

[Ben Kissel]

It is a long time.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He was doing this activity for 12 years over five states. Think about, damn.

[Ben Kissel]

I wonder how many people are going to write in and say, andy Dick grabbed my penis.

[Henry Zebrowski]

There's going to be. If it's Los Angeles. In Los Angeles.

[Ben Kissel]

Well, he's down the road and you got beat up on the road.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Of course he got beat up on the road.

[Ben Kissel]

But imagine what he did in town. I know.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know how many fucking. I know. I already know like three or four people that were, like, molested by him.

[Ben Kissel]

I mean, he grabbed one of the three dicks in this room. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And there's five dicks in this room.

[Ben Kissel]

You got the severed one over there? Yeah. Yeah, champ.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, that's four.

[Ben Kissel]

Oh, good boy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's five. Well, they also want to give a shout out to Haddon Clark. Thank you so much for the art. You sit in the mail. Ugh.

[Ben Kissel]

Him. I just, you know, I got rid of it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He sent a picture. He sent a picture of us. I had Clark, the serial killer.

[Ben Kissel]

We talked about it in the last episode. We don't need to give this guy any plug.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I just say thank you. Die. Already been thinking about it.

[Ben Kissel]

Kill Gary Ridgeway and then die yourself.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We actually have. We are donating our picture to the murder Museum here.

[Ben Kissel]

The Museum of Death.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The Museum of Death here in Los Angeles. So, yeah, you can go see that.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, it'll be. Yeah, I already talked to Eric over there. What's up, bro?

[Henry Zebrowski]

What's going on, bro?

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, yeah. Thanks, dog. Come.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You slippery dog.

[Ben Kissel]

I was like, you and me are probably like, we're almost co workers. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, away.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. And I'm feeling pretty glunky about it.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. You know, I knew. Do you remember my buddy? I know we're trying to end the show, but I remember my buddy, like Cross Eyed Jim, who I used to work with.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Wasn't he? I thought we called him Crazy John.

[Ben Kissel]

No, he's Cross Eyed Jim. Cross. Because he had cross. Very cross eyed.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I remember. He's the one who had the ax buried in the center of his head.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes, yes. He worked on a crab fisherman's boat back in the day out in Alaska because he, like, wanted to forget about life.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I remember.

[Ben Kissel]

And then he was telling me a story how one day he wasn't paying attention and he totally, like, eliminated some dude's hand.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, he.

[Ben Kissel]

And then they had to, like, go back to fudgeing land and he got fired.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'll always remember. I guess it was cross eyed Jim. I. I think I remembered him as crazy Jim, but Cross eyed Jim, I remember him telling me the story about how he's like. One time I was driving a whole truckload of bees and I was doing it for a summer job and I was driving a big old truckload of bees, but I was on about four hits of acid and you can't even imagine the sound that thousands and thousands of bees make on four hits of acid. And I was like, thanks, buddy. Where's my cheese stick?

[Ben Kissel]

I loved bringing him around. It was my favorite. He was so much fun to hang out.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He also was like, he.

[Ben Kissel]

I remember, I would love to find him.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We got to figure out where he is because he also used to, like, have that weird relationship with Marcus because he was all into the same, like, noise stuff. So he would like make weird.

[Ben Kissel]

Used to make me listen to all.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That weird noise rock because his brain was destroyed by a literally being cleft by an accent of years of acid.

[Ben Kissel]

He would wear like, he would wear headphones at the movies and listen to his own music. Really weird guy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So weird, dude.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All right, here we go. So remember, here we go.

[Ben Kissel]

Couple.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Couple things. First of all, last podcast in left.com. go buy. Go see your live shows.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes. We got lots of. We got lots of shows coming up. We got side stories is pumping, dude. Yeah, dude. We got Anchorage, Alaska on February 20th. Sold out somehow.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, we were sold out in Anchorage. We are not sold out in Fairbanks. We need people to come out there.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, come. We're coming regardless. So if you got tickets, we're coming. But you know, because I want to see Fairbanks. I want to see the northern lights.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Can't freaking wait.

[Ben Kissel]

We're gonna put on a hell of a show with Billy Wayne Davis. So that's gonna be on February 21st. Make sure you come to that if you're in Fairbanks. If you're not in Fairbanks, I don't think you should come up there. It's going to be pretty cold. Pretty cold. March 14th. Urbana, Illinois got a lot of great.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Illinois got a lot of great people reaching out about places.

[Ben Kissel]

People. Yeah. Yeah. Then we got Lexington, Kentucky on April 26th.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Can't wait. Honestly. These are all places.

[Ben Kissel]

I'm just like, I don't know what it is.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm excited to go to Lexington.

[Ben Kissel]

Well, Lexington, we got to go to the. All the different whiskey places. Yeah. I wonder if that's gonna Be like the first time we perform drunk. I will find out on listen this. We're doing Netflix as a joke.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, no way.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah, we're doing Netflix as a joke. May 7th in LA at the Avalon at 9:45. We got the late show. Come and see us there. That's gonna be a blast.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We're seriously gonna have a lot of fun. I imagine we might have a special guest. I'm not quite certain yet.

[Ben Kissel]

I want to say the Night of Too Many Stars.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, don't go to the Night of Too Many Stars.

[Ben Kissel]

Come to side stories where we have half a star.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Then you right from 20ft away. And then you probably hang out with us afterwards.

[Ben Kissel]

Yes, that is how it goes. May 30, Rochester, N.Y. june 28, London, Ontario. And then I'm also doing stand up. If you want to come see me personally on the road on February 18th. It's a Wednesday. I'm gonna be at the Punchline in San Francisco. On April 3rd, I'm gonna be here in LA at the Lyric Hyperion with Amber Nelson. We're doing a split thing.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I told. Yeah, she. Because she's gonna run her like hour, right?

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I love that.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. So I'm gonna open for Amber and she both going to do like a half hour and then she's going to do an hour down the road.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's awesome.

[Ben Kissel]

And then this is a big one. April 12, I am going to be a Vystar Park. That's right, the Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp. We are the Jumbo Shrimp. Here to play a game. I'm coming for your asses April 12th. Tickets are available on Eddie dudes.com come see me. And I'm bringing Holden. Sorry. For some reason bringing Holden.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, his wife, he's a real Jacksonville. Yeah. So she gets a free trip. Trip to Jacksonville.

[Ben Kissel]

Basically. That's why I'm doing it. If I'm bringing Holden. But you know, I love Holden and I can't wait to perform with him at the Jacksonville Stadium. He is the true arth author of the song. So that'll be great. And also the great Danny Bedrosian will be joining me as well.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's gonna be so much fun. Just to remind you, give over to our Patreon. Nothing changes about the stream. The live live. You can go see last stream on the Left live every Tuesday, 6pm PST. If you give over to the Patreon, we have ad free episodes of a podcast on there. Also remember, we are now doing last podcast on the Left after hours. We're doing this new thing Last stream, last stream on the left after hours we'll be doing a whole things on the Patreon. It's all explained on there. Go check it out. But first of all I want to say live every day acting like Alex Pretty and Renee good going out there and loving the fact that this is the United goddamn States of America.

[Ad Read / Sponsor Voice]

America.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And we have the right to protest and we have the right to talk about whatever the it is we want to talk about.

[Ben Kissel]

Amen.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We have the right to technically bear arms guys against the government that is trying to us up. All right. So then you can know that you can laugh knowing that you lived your life like a real American and not like these fake that want to bend over to anybody that is just anybody with a badge and all this kind of they just want to be idea that we got to make room for them to us up. No thank you.

[Ben Kissel]

Yeah. Eat ice. Deport them actually. Nah, let's put them in prison.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Someday we're coming for you. Someday.

[Ben Kissel]

You know that if you're an ice agent. We're going to not stop once the new once the administration changes. We're coming for you.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, hopefully what it is is that hopefully enough of you that have murdered will get flipped on by your gutless counterparts in which we will finally root out every one of you that's done something horrific.

[Ben Kissel]

Okay, you're all going to prison.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. We'll see. We say bye bye Joy. See you on the road.

[Ben Kissel]

Hailstein.

[Henry Zebrowski]

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