Detailed Summary of "The Last Podcast on the Left" Episode: Side Stories – Fishy Business

The Last Podcast on the Left, hosted by Ed Larson and Andrew "Zib" Zabrowski from The Last Podcast Network, is renowned for its deep dives into the macabre, the mysterious, and the downright bizarre. In the episode titled "Side Stories: Fishy Business," the hosts navigate through a labyrinth of unnerving tales, satirical banter, and dark humor, ensuring listeners are both entertained and unsettled. This comprehensive summary captures the essence of the episode, highlighting key discussions, insights, and notable quotes with appropriate timestamps.

1. Tootsie's 17th Birthday Party – The Canine Celebration Gone Wild [01:11 - 07:05]

The episode kicks off with Ed and Andrew brainstorming an unconventional 17th birthday party for their beloved dog, Tootsie. The conversation rapidly veers into the absurd as Andrew suggests hiring a stripper suitable for a dog’s celebration.

• Andrew Zabrowski [01:25]: "Tootsie's turning 17. We're going to throw her a birthday party."

• Ed Larson [01:29]: "Are you going to come to her birthday party?"

Andrew, in his typical irreverent style, proposes the idea of a dog-themed stripper, leading to a humorous yet cringe-worthy dialogue about appropriate performers for a canine guest of honor.

• Andrew [02:10]: "Is it like an issue for a stripper to do a lap dance for a cute little puppy?"

The hosts explore various comedic scenarios, debating the logistics and potential fallout of integrating human entertainment into a dog’s celebration, all while maintaining their signature dark humor.

2. Election Predictions and the Mike Tyson vs. Jake Paul Fight [05:25 - 12:08]

Transitioning from the frivolity of pet parties, Ed and Andrew reflect on their recent missteps in election predictions, admitting their forecasts were off the mark.

• Andrew [05:32]: "We've got to be back. We're a bunch of stuff."

This segues into a fervent discussion about the impending boxing match between Mike Tyson and Jake Paul. The hosts dissect each fighter's strengths and weaknesses, offering a mix of analytical insights and snarky commentary.

• Andrew [09:08]: "Mike Tyson does look absolutely frightening in his pre-training."

• Ed [08:21]: "Do you think Tyson's going to beat Paul?"

Their debate touches on Tyson’s legendary prowess juxtaposed against Paul’s modern-day celebrity and training regimen, culminating in speculative predictions about the fight's outcome.

3. Alien Encounters and Cattle Mutilations [14:36 - 19:21]

Delving into the realm of extraterrestrial mysteries, the hosts explore the enigmatic cases of cattle mutilations, primarily in the Pacific Northwest.

• Andrew [16:01]: "They get specific parts of the cow, like the ears, nose, and mouth."

• Ed [17:37]: "There would be no corpse if this is an alien experiment."

Ed and Andrew analyze the peculiar patterns observed in these mutilations, hypothesizing about alien research and intervention. They discuss the absence of typical predator activity post-mutilation, suggesting a non-human culprit.

• Andrew [18:12]: "It's their version of research, experimenting on cattle."

The conversation weaves through theories of alien agendas, ethical implications, and the chilling precision of the mutilations, underscored by their characteristic blend of skepticism and fascination.

4. Escaped Monkeys in South Carolina – A Cryptid or a Conspiracy? [31:51 - 37:01]

Shifting gears, the episode covers a bizarre incident involving 40 monkeys escaping from a research facility in South Carolina.

• Ed [31:51]: "They warn residents to lock their doors and windows after more than 40 monkeys escape from a research facility."

The hosts speculate on the potential havoc these macaques could wreak, blending genuine concern with their trademark humor. They ponder whether the monkeys could be mistaken for cryptids, leading to widespread panic and sensationalism.

• Andrew [34:17]: "They gotta enjoy Miami, man."

Ed and Andrew debate the monkeys' adaptability, social behavior, and the logistical nightmare of recapturing them, all while entertaining the notion of their integration into local folklore as elusive creatures.

5. Titan the Labradoodle – Hero Dog Solves Murder [43:00 - 47:05]

In a heartwarming yet eerie turn, the hosts narrate the story of Titan, a labradoodle who played a pivotal role in solving his owner's murder in Texas.

• Ed [46:35]: "The dog was a witness. And then he told everybody."

• Andrew [47:05]: "Titan, the good boy."

Titan’s unwavering loyalty and acute instincts led authorities to the perpetrator, showcasing the profound bond between humans and their canine companions. The hosts commend Titan’s contribution, juxtaposing it against the grim backdrop of the crime.

• Andrew [46:57]: "He did not solve the crime, but he was a crucial witness."

Their discussion highlights the intersection of animal intelligence and human justice, pondering the ethical dimensions of relying on pets in criminal investigations.

6. Tom Cruise and the Uncut Fish – A Hollywood Oddity [52:05 - 60:15]

The episode takes a surreal detour as Ed and Andrew delve into rumored antics of Hollywood star Tom Cruise involving uncut fish.

• Andrew [53:47]: "Maybe he does it to prove how not gay he is."

• Ed [54:30]: "If you were to a fish."

They mock the sensationalism surrounding celebrity scandals, questioning the plausibility and moral implications of such bizarre behavior. The dialogue oscillates between incredulity and sarcastic amusement, underscoring the absurdity of the claims.

• Andrew [54:43]: "Teach it a lesson or two."

The segment serves as a satirical critique of tabloid culture and the often unfounded rumors that pervade celebrity news.

7. Wicked.com on Barbie Packaging – An Accidental Adult Exposure [63:46 - 67:28]

Concluding the primary discussions, the hosts examine a faux pas by Mattel where the adult website wicked.com was mistakenly printed on Barbie packaging, leading to unintended exposure.

• Andrew [65:32]: "It's really not even that bad of a website."

• Ed [65:25]: "There's nothing there. It's just an advertisement for porn."

Ed and Andrew dissect the implications of this mistake, blending genuine concern for societal impacts with their customary irreverent humor. They speculate on the potential for exposure among children and the broader consequences for corporate responsibility.

• Andrew [65:54]: "We are consuming it all with bestiality," inserting their usual dark twist into the narrative.

The discussion highlights issues of internet safety, corporate oversight, and the thin line between adult content and mainstream products, all filtered through their unique lens.

Conclusion and Upcoming Events [70:00 - End]

As the episode draws to a close, Ed and Andrew shift focus to promoting upcoming live shows and events, maintaining engagement with their audience through teasers and promotional content.

• Andrew [71:07]: "We shall see, Edward."

• Ed [72:44]: "I'm very excited. It's one of those."

They wrap up with signature farewells, reinforcing their ongoing connection with listeners and setting the stage for future episodes filled with more side stories and twisted tales.

Notable Quotes Summary:

• "Do you think that if you hired a male stripper for a 17 year old dog and they arrived?" — Ed Larson [02:14]
• "Mike Tyson in interviews he's just like I'm scared of who I am." — Andrew Zabrowski [10:00]
• "They gotta enjoy Miami, man." — Andrew Zabrowski [34:17]
• "Titan, the good boy." — Andrew Zabrowski [47:05]
• "Teach it a lesson or two." — Andrew Zabrowski [54:43]

Final Thoughts:

"Side Stories: Fishy Business" exemplifies The Last Podcast on the Left's mastery in blending horror, mystery, and satire. Through a series of interconnected narratives, Ed and Andrew provide listeners with a rollercoaster of emotions—ranging from amusement at absurd scenarios to unease over sinister phenomena. The inclusion of notable quotes with precise timestamps offers a glimpse into the hosts' dynamic interplay, ensuring both seasoned fans and newcomers find the episode engaging and thought-provoking.