Side Stories: Fishy Business

Summary

Detailed Summary of "The Last Podcast on the Left" Episode: Side Stories – Fishy Business

The Last Podcast on the Left, hosted by Ed Larson and Andrew "Zib" Zabrowski from The Last Podcast Network, is renowned for its deep dives into the macabre, the mysterious, and the downright bizarre. In the episode titled "Side Stories: Fishy Business," the hosts navigate through a labyrinth of unnerving tales, satirical banter, and dark humor, ensuring listeners are both entertained and unsettled. This comprehensive summary captures the essence of the episode, highlighting key discussions, insights, and notable quotes with appropriate timestamps.

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1. Tootsie's 17th Birthday Party – The Canine Celebration Gone Wild [01:11 - 07:05]

The episode kicks off with Ed and Andrew brainstorming an unconventional 17th birthday party for their beloved dog, Tootsie. The conversation rapidly veers into the absurd as Andrew suggests hiring a stripper suitable for a dog’s celebration.

• Andrew Zabrowski [01:25]: "Tootsie's turning 17. We're going to throw her a birthday party."

• Ed Larson [01:29]: "Are you going to come to her birthday party?"

Andrew, in his typical irreverent style, proposes the idea of a dog-themed stripper, leading to a humorous yet cringe-worthy dialogue about appropriate performers for a canine guest of honor.

• Andrew [02:10]: "Is it like an issue for a stripper to do a lap dance for a cute little puppy?"

The hosts explore various comedic scenarios, debating the logistics and potential fallout of integrating human entertainment into a dog’s celebration, all while maintaining their signature dark humor.

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2. Election Predictions and the Mike Tyson vs. Jake Paul Fight [05:25 - 12:08]

Transitioning from the frivolity of pet parties, Ed and Andrew reflect on their recent missteps in election predictions, admitting their forecasts were off the mark.

• Andrew [05:32]: "We've got to be back. We're a bunch of stuff."

This segues into a fervent discussion about the impending boxing match between Mike Tyson and Jake Paul. The hosts dissect each fighter's strengths and weaknesses, offering a mix of analytical insights and snarky commentary.

• Andrew [09:08]: "Mike Tyson does look absolutely frightening in his pre-training."

• Ed [08:21]: "Do you think Tyson's going to beat Paul?"

Their debate touches on Tyson’s legendary prowess juxtaposed against Paul’s modern-day celebrity and training regimen, culminating in speculative predictions about the fight's outcome.

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3. Alien Encounters and Cattle Mutilations [14:36 - 19:21]

Delving into the realm of extraterrestrial mysteries, the hosts explore the enigmatic cases of cattle mutilations, primarily in the Pacific Northwest.

• Andrew [16:01]: "They get specific parts of the cow, like the ears, nose, and mouth."

• Ed [17:37]: "There would be no corpse if this is an alien experiment."

Ed and Andrew analyze the peculiar patterns observed in these mutilations, hypothesizing about alien research and intervention. They discuss the absence of typical predator activity post-mutilation, suggesting a non-human culprit.

• Andrew [18:12]: "It's their version of research, experimenting on cattle."

The conversation weaves through theories of alien agendas, ethical implications, and the chilling precision of the mutilations, underscored by their characteristic blend of skepticism and fascination.

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4. Escaped Monkeys in South Carolina – A Cryptid or a Conspiracy? [31:51 - 37:01]

Shifting gears, the episode covers a bizarre incident involving 40 monkeys escaping from a research facility in South Carolina.

• Ed [31:51]: "They warn residents to lock their doors and windows after more than 40 monkeys escape from a research facility."

The hosts speculate on the potential havoc these macaques could wreak, blending genuine concern with their trademark humor. They ponder whether the monkeys could be mistaken for cryptids, leading to widespread panic and sensationalism.

• Andrew [34:17]: "They gotta enjoy Miami, man."

Ed and Andrew debate the monkeys' adaptability, social behavior, and the logistical nightmare of recapturing them, all while entertaining the notion of their integration into local folklore as elusive creatures.

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5. Titan the Labradoodle – Hero Dog Solves Murder [43:00 - 47:05]

In a heartwarming yet eerie turn, the hosts narrate the story of Titan, a labradoodle who played a pivotal role in solving his owner's murder in Texas.

• Ed [46:35]: "The dog was a witness. And then he told everybody."

• Andrew [47:05]: "Titan, the good boy."

Titan’s unwavering loyalty and acute instincts led authorities to the perpetrator, showcasing the profound bond between humans and their canine companions. The hosts commend Titan’s contribution, juxtaposing it against the grim backdrop of the crime.

• Andrew [46:57]: "He did not solve the crime, but he was a crucial witness."

Their discussion highlights the intersection of animal intelligence and human justice, pondering the ethical dimensions of relying on pets in criminal investigations.

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6. Tom Cruise and the Uncut Fish – A Hollywood Oddity [52:05 - 60:15]

The episode takes a surreal detour as Ed and Andrew delve into rumored antics of Hollywood star Tom Cruise involving uncut fish.

• Andrew [53:47]: "Maybe he does it to prove how not gay he is."

• Ed [54:30]: "If you were to a fish."

They mock the sensationalism surrounding celebrity scandals, questioning the plausibility and moral implications of such bizarre behavior. The dialogue oscillates between incredulity and sarcastic amusement, underscoring the absurdity of the claims.

• Andrew [54:43]: "Teach it a lesson or two."

The segment serves as a satirical critique of tabloid culture and the often unfounded rumors that pervade celebrity news.

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7. Wicked.com on Barbie Packaging – An Accidental Adult Exposure [63:46 - 67:28]

Concluding the primary discussions, the hosts examine a faux pas by Mattel where the adult website wicked.com was mistakenly printed on Barbie packaging, leading to unintended exposure.

• Andrew [65:32]: "It's really not even that bad of a website."

• Ed [65:25]: "There's nothing there. It's just an advertisement for porn."

Ed and Andrew dissect the implications of this mistake, blending genuine concern for societal impacts with their customary irreverent humor. They speculate on the potential for exposure among children and the broader consequences for corporate responsibility.

• Andrew [65:54]: "We are consuming it all with bestiality," inserting their usual dark twist into the narrative.

The discussion highlights issues of internet safety, corporate oversight, and the thin line between adult content and mainstream products, all filtered through their unique lens.

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Conclusion and Upcoming Events [70:00 - End]

As the episode draws to a close, Ed and Andrew shift focus to promoting upcoming live shows and events, maintaining engagement with their audience through teasers and promotional content.

• Andrew [71:07]: "We shall see, Edward."

• Ed [72:44]: "I'm very excited. It's one of those."

They wrap up with signature farewells, reinforcing their ongoing connection with listeners and setting the stage for future episodes filled with more side stories and twisted tales.

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Notable Quotes Summary:

• "Do you think that if you hired a male stripper for a 17 year old dog and they arrived?" — Ed Larson [02:14]
• "Mike Tyson in interviews he's just like I'm scared of who I am." — Andrew Zabrowski [10:00]
• "They gotta enjoy Miami, man." — Andrew Zabrowski [34:17]
• "Titan, the good boy." — Andrew Zabrowski [47:05]
• "Teach it a lesson or two." — Andrew Zabrowski [54:43]

---

Final Thoughts:

"Side Stories: Fishy Business" exemplifies The Last Podcast on the Left's mastery in blending horror, mystery, and satire. Through a series of interconnected narratives, Ed and Andrew provide listeners with a rollercoaster of emotions—ranging from amusement at absurd scenarios to unease over sinister phenomena. The inclusion of notable quotes with precise timestamps offers a glimpse into the hosts' dynamic interplay, ensuring both seasoned fans and newcomers find the episode engaging and thought-provoking.

Transcript

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[Ed Larson]

There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast on the left side stories.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. So Tootsie's turning 17.

[Ed Larson]

Yes. Are you going to come to her birthday party? We're going to throw her a birthday party.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

We're going for it the only way. I'm going to this birthday party and I floated this to you while we were drunk the other night.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, what was it? I forgot.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I thought. I still think it holds. We got to get her a stripper.

[Ed Larson]

You're buying it.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

You got to get it for her.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Do you think that if you hired a male stripper for a 17 year old dog and they arrived.

[Ed Larson]

I want him dressed like a dog.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Well, you have little ears on.

[Ed Larson]

I mean, no, I want a dog suit.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

No, but we got to see his dick in his balls.

[Ed Larson]

Well, yeah, when he takes off the dog suit, we'll see his dick because it'll be underneath the dog suit, but that'll be instead of clothes. Either that or a mailman.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

The only thing about. She'll freak out. She'll freak out.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Maybe she shouldn't see the mailman.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I don't think that he's always listening.

[Ed Larson]

To Rogan real loud when he walks up too.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

But is it like an issue for a stripper to do a lap dance for a cute little puppy? In terms of a very old Puppy, yes. She's 17. That's technically underage. But it's more like she's like technically 119 years old according to the dog years math.

[Ed Larson]

All right, what if I get like. What if we get like a hot like Pomeranian? Like a male Pomeranian.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Who decides it's hot?

[Ed Larson]

Me. You. You know, I can tell if one's good looking or not, you know.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah, I could be. Yeah, that's definitely a hot one. That's what I would say.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah. But I wanted three or under young tight for Tootsie.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I feel like this is the cuz dogs can't.

[Ed Larson]

And then. And then I want to. And then we shave it. That's how a dog strips.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

We talked about.

[Ed Larson]

You shave it and then it's just a pink doggy.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I just feel like we need a male in there. I mean in terms of a human. I have a human in there. No, but she see my dick, I'll.

[Ed Larson]

Tell you that much.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I named. I tried, honestly, I tried to be. I try to avoid being nude in front of the dogs.

[Ed Larson]

Do you really?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah. Cuz it makes me feel weird.

[Ed Larson]

It is my mother's dog.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Because they're so curious.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

You know, whenever I'm nude, I feel like they're looking extra hard.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, I don't think Tootsie's always staring cross eyed at me.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

She is looking like everything does sort of look like a ghost. And you think that that would not reflect on the. To the stripper.

[Ed Larson]

I think the stripper is gonna get. I mean we're gonna pay it.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I would love the idea of a stripper showing up dressed as a veterinarian. He has no idea what's going on. Right. And he shows up.

[Ed Larson]

She doesn't hate the vet. She does shake sometimes at the vet.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

She doesn't know what the vet is. She just knows she's leaving. It's a thank you, Rob. She doesn't know what the vet is. You know what I mean? It's not the vet. It's more of the scenario. But if she. This might actually help. He comes in and. Yeah, probably he might be a little confused at first. Side stories. Lpotl.com. if you're a male stripper in the Los Angeles area, that would be fine with something like this. Is that what you do is send your rates. Send your rates, please. Is that. Yeah, they'd show up to the party and there'd be a bit of confusion, but then like they'd see us all in a circle. Because what I would like to do is put Tootsie in a chair in the center of the living room. Kind of like what you do.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. She. There is a chair she likes to sit on, too.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

And then we have it come in there. We have him come in and we play like, this is how you do.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

And then he takes off all of his clothes for. I mean, technically, we'll be watching as well, but then he just got it. He has to be fine with giving Tootsie a block dance, but. Doesn't have to be sexual. You're not touching her little. Her little chuch or anything.

[Ed Larson]

I don't think he's taking his dick out at all. Male strippers, do they take their dick out? I don't think they do.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I think you pay money.

[Ed Larson]

I think they keep it in their pants. Then they kind of like, open the top and like, hey, check it out. Look what's in there.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Who would be confused?

[Ed Larson]

I think it's more like, look what I got. Look at.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

It's not just like, look. Oh, God, what do I have?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Like, it's that.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, no.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Is there something wrong with mine? Can you see, ma'am?

[Ed Larson]

Just a dildo sticking out of a vagina.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Crazy, right? Crazy, right? You had no idea. Pretty cool, right?

[Ed Larson]

You're paying me to strip in front of a dog. Hi.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Welcome to some side stores. My name is Andrew Zabrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. If you. What else should we get for Tootsie's 17th birthday party?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I want Jungle Juice.

[Ed Larson]

Jungle Juice.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Old fashioned, man. Make it in the hot tub.

[Ed Larson]

Wow.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I will say just straight up, right before we get into it, we were a little off with our election prediction.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

And so, yeah, we're fine. Obviously. We're just, you know, kind of just reorganizing and still. Still be my Jill Stein. Yeah. Jillian Stein, please. But I will say, due to the changes that we have up, I do think that it was really important for us, and I think it's important for you guys to do this too at home, is that I sat Natalie down right as she loves this.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I sat her down and I said, now that the rights for you have reverted to me, I release you.

[Ed Larson]

You did that.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

And I think that's important for every husband to do to each one of. If you have a wife out there.

[Ed Larson]

I have a wife.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Release her. Do you want. Do you really want control over you?

[Ed Larson]

I mean, the two Utes. The.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

My cousin Vinny.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, that's right. No, I haven't released Julie yet. We haven't talked about it.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Well, she's gonna have to negotiate for her release.

[Ed Larson]

I. At least I Think she should make a case for why she should be free.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

This is some husbands.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I just did it ahead of time. I just knocked it out knowing that she's gonna kill me.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I think Julie's not gonna kill you. When the revolution comes, she's very strong. She could kill you, probably. Especially if you're asleep, because you sleep so deep she'll beat you to death with a hammer.

[Ed Larson]

I'm a big guy and, you know, Julie's, you know, she's strong as hell.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Super strong.

[Ed Larson]

And I.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

But she doesn't like violence.

[Ed Larson]

I think she doesn't like violence.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

But when the revolution comes, when that blood wave of period comes to kill and wipe away us all. All men. Yeah, she just sort of. She would get into it.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

She'd fall in the line.

[Ed Larson]

I think she would win the fight if we've ever fought because she'd have.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Something to fight for. And you're still just. You just like. You're just awesome because you're a guy.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. And she exercises. Yeah, there is that.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

She could beat you with stamina.

[Ed Larson]

She's got endurance.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah, she can beat you with stamina.

[Ed Larson]

She's strong, you know.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yes, I've seen her. She got good length.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. In terms of, like, can lift some. Oh, yeah. Good reach.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

You keep. Pop, pop and stick. She could pop a stick.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Mike, How Jake Paul has to do the Mike Tyson.

[Ed Larson]

I was going to. Yeah, we were. I did. You didn't want to talk about it, But I'm curious. Where do you think is going to happen with the. You were wrong about the election. Are you? Who do you think.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Sorry, I just had a. Almost a seizure. Wrong about the election. I just bought it.

[Ed Larson]

You were wrong.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I was about it. I bought into the propaganda. Yeah, they bought into the propaganda because I wanted it, because it felt nice. But it was another mirage of horseshit fed to us by a bunch of people who technically should. Every single one of them should be fired from.

[Ed Larson]

Also wrong about who you wanted to win. But the. What I want to talk about now.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Is I campaign for Jillian Stein every day in my backyard.

[Ed Larson]

Do you think Tyson's going to beat Paul? I'm worried it's going to be during our show. It's serious.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Oh, very much so, yeah.

[Ed Larson]

So I literally.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

If you're in the Los Angeles area, just know Sirius XM down at the garage. We have a live show. We're doing a live taping of the last update on the left there.

[Ed Larson]

That's right.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I don't know if we've advertised this.

[Ed Larson]

I don't know but hopefully I'm sure people will show up but it's during.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

The Jake Paul Mike Tyson fight so.

[Ed Larson]

Maybe no one will show up.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

No one might come because I think.

[Ed Larson]

Everyone in the world's going to be watching this.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Everybody's a. I guess, I guess.

[Ed Larson]

Who do you think is going to win? I want to hear your.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Not us.

[Ed Larson]

Not.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Not the American people. No, no. We lose. We lose across the board.

[Ed Larson]

I love this is like, like I know as big as the election and some to most people.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Absolutely. And I again it's. It's just sadly going to purely sully the pure and perfect world of the boxing industry.

[Ed Larson]

Oh yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

And I can't believe that anyone could possibly corrupt it's breathing the little bit.

[Ed Larson]

Of life back into it. I know no one gives a fuck about boxing.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Honestly I think that what I've read a little bit with just like Mike Tyson does look absolutely frightening in his pre training. He's doing a lot of training. He does have heart issues. He is a six year old man. Jake Paul is 27 years old, 29 I believe. Whatever. Fucking all the same it's whatever he did. I hope he's older than. He's closer to death. Jake Paul is like literally like he's fully trained at the top of his powers in order to do something like this. If they had met at the same age Mike Tyson would literally turn him to a red mist. But the fact that he is not shows that Jake Paul definitely has a shot. If it lasts longer than around Mike Tyson's gonna lose.

[Ed Larson]

I love Mike Tyson is so funny in every interview he's just like I'm just scared of who I am.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

It's the way he talks about I'm.

[Ed Larson]

An animal and I shouldn't be outside.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I love Mike Tyson in the fact that he's. He's a horrible monster. Right. But there are things that he says when he's just like I just wish the people knew that the rage inside of me it just takes over and I can't make these decisions. And like people ask him like so like what are you going to do when you get in the ring? I do not know. I become a chaos demon. I become Death himself. And you're just like damn Mike, maybe not, you know, like maybe you don't got to dude. Maybe it's one or the other, you.

[Ed Larson]

Know it's the day I could barely.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Contain my violence is Jake Paul.

[Ed Larson]

People hate him so much that we all want him to lose a fight. To a convicted rapist.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Very much so. Nothing would make me happier. No one would.

[Ed Larson]

No one is rooting for him.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Nothing would make this convicted rapist. Nothing made me happier than watching this convicted rapist paralyze Jake Paul. That would make me extremely happy. It would show that maybe there is something fair in this life. But no, Mike Tyson's going to throw it. As soon as they get to any form of real conflict, he's going to fall.

[Ed Larson]

I don't know if he's capable of throwing a fight.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I don't know. I don't know. They're already kind of saying, we talked about this as we were driving in today. They legitimately might even pull the fight because of insurance issues.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Mike Tyson's been having heart troubles.

[Ed Larson]

They're worried he's going to die in the ring.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I think that, weirdly, Mike Tyson wants it that way.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, he should die in the ring.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

And so. But if he's going to die in the ring, you better do it mash in the face of that piece of. Hopefully he leaves as much of a mark on this piece of fucking shit as much as you get. But I will say, you did, Eddie. You did, sort of.

[Ed Larson]

I've been watching the doc.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

You push me. You push back a little bit about the idea that, like, technically, it's probably good Jake Paul got into boxing and working out because it got him sober. Yes. Which is probably a good message for young men. But he's not.

[Ed Larson]

He's not a complete. You don't have to like him.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

No.

[Ed Larson]

But in order to get where he is, you have to have some kind of brain whatsoever. I will say, watching him train, though, he just seems slow.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

He's extremely slow.

[Ed Larson]

And so I just think Tyson's a lot faster than he is.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

If he was a real boxer, he would have been a boxer. You know what I mean?

[Ed Larson]

He has won some legitimate fights, though.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah. Because now he can. Because he's literally just dumping millions of dollars into training every inch of his body. But if he was a boxer, you would have been one. Yeah. Instead of whatever he was, you got.

[Ed Larson]

To start training to be a boxer at, like, 13.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

You should be getting punched in the face at 9.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

If you really want to be a.

[Ed Larson]

Boxer, that's what you do, man. I love whenever people talk about, like, Tyson's history, and it's like, it's always like, I was on the streets of Brownsville and someone took one of my pigeons, ripped their head off. And that was the first time I ever beat a man next to Death.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I knew what violence was and what.

[Ed Larson]

I had to do.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Why did they make me be this way? Why does everyone drive me to be a killer? And it's like, you know, like, dude, you just. You're like this. I will say, well, you know, let me backtrack a little bit, because I know a lot of people that do train for boxing later on in life, and it is great. I'm getting back on a weight.

[Ed Larson]

No, it's good to be healthy.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

It's good to be healthy. It's just knowing that, you know, it's. What are we doing it for? Jake Paul is doing it just because he could have chosen to go into any profession with the amount of money that he had. He could have done literally anything. And he chose this, which I do think is.

[Ed Larson]

People hate him.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yes. But I do think it's poor to.

[Ed Larson]

Enter a place like an environment like boxing.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Did a lot of stuff. He could done one. My big dream is to go be the number one caterer of North Korea. If I could get into Korea.

[Ed Larson]

Have you ever cooked children?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

What? No, no, no, no. What I would bring to them. Collard greens.

[Ed Larson]

Whoa.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I'd bring them ham hock. I bring them some mashed taters.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Pepsi pie. I'd go down there with my big old Pepsi pie, because I guess Pepsi pie. I mean, I'd be in full blackface. But that's why I'd be in North Korea, is to show them, because I feel like that way, they'd let me do it, you know, like, if I showed up to be the number one caterer of North Korea. But I did it all in the character of old Mr. Johnson. Yeah, right. Maybe they'll let me do it.

[Ed Larson]

They may be. Maybe they'll like you. That's for damn sure.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I don't know if they will, but they'll take me.

[Ed Larson]

You're charismatic.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

The.

[Ed Larson]

The other thing I'm watching on Netflix, other than the Mike Tyson fight, is investigation aliens.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

See, this is how we get these fucks. Yeah, right.

[Ed Larson]

I started.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

No, he. It's not. He chose out of his own energy.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

To put on an alien documentary. If that does not show the power that this show has, I mean, I don't know what does.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, no, I. Well, I want to. You know, I mean, it's your job. It's my job, and I need to understand what the. You're talking about a lot of the times. And there's some interesting in there. See the cattle mutilation?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Well, the cattle mu. Are. That's a mat. There was a. This is really happening.

[Ed Larson]

Sucking them up into a ship, cutting off their tits in their. And their dicks and. And then they're in their noses and their ears and they're emptying with blood and they're putting them back. No footsteps.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I think that it's. It's what they're doing. It's cattle mutilations. We don't quite know that's one of.

[Ed Larson]

The mutilation that's like sucking out blood. They know what they're doing is they're taking it and they're making meat back where they are. Because burgers are great. I mean, like cheeseburgers for aliens is words. How we're going to fucking make peace. Cheeseburgers for peace is something I've been saying for fucking years.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

He has been, you know, like.

[Ed Larson]

And it's like in these fucking. These guys, they got cows, so they got cheese and they got burgers.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Oh, they got it all.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. And they're out there in the fucking galactic introverses, fucking sharing burgers together.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

See, the main thing is beautiful. I. I'm not quite certain about how physical in nature a lot of the UFO phenomena is. I think it's pretty much straight down the middle, half psychic, half physical. What's ever happening with the cattle mutilations? The reason why they're interesting is the way, like, you know, we've covered this on the show before, but normally, just so you guys, you know, there was a rash of these again, there was like probably 15, 20 of them last year during the summertime up in the Pacific Northwest. All of this was happening in Oregon and Washington where these. The cattle get sucked up. They get surgical, what they call surgical or laser. A lot of them called laser.

[Ed Larson]

They say scalpel, but they also say it's burns and it's very.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Like a laser scalpel.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

And that it's specific parts of the cow. It's like the ears, the nose, the mouth, anything hanging off. And honestly, specifically the dick and balls and they. And the others, they get sucked off.

[Ed Larson]

Do you think. Are they taking the vaginas?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I don't know.

[Ed Larson]

We gotta call George. Where's your snap?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

We need to get his number on. I want to be able to call him live while we're recording. I want to get his cell phone number so that we can just randomly call him every once in a while while we're talking to get into it. But a lot of people were. Obviously, there's pushback. Main pushback is saying that it's predators eating them. Very specifically but there'll be blood and.

[Ed Larson]

There'Ll be teeth marks.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

They. It is true. A lot of these cattle appear dessanguinated, which means that they have the blood taken out of them.

[Ed Larson]

I love how you knew. I didn't know what that word meant.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Out of him. They were left in a field and oftentimes they are then unperturbed by other predators. Which is the most serious.

[Ed Larson]

The scavengers ain't touching them.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

It is very mysterious. They literally are left there. The corpses of these cattles are left.

[Ed Larson]

There to melt until they become bones.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yes. And that they don't get eaten and.

[Ed Larson]

The bones don't get eaten.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

It's very. That is what makes it specifically interesting. There's a lot of people, if you listen to. If you watch Investigation Aliens, there's a lot of farmers that think it's other humans doing this. But I don't really know what they get.

[Ed Larson]

It would be impossible because there's no fucking trail. There's no. There's no footsteps and there's no. There's no blood.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yes. Cattle mule Blood would be everywhere.

[Ed Larson]

Blood would be everywhere.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

And the one part, one thing that he talked about was interesting when he was talking with the farmers. George Knapp was on the first episode talking about the idea that there was these weird crop circly style things popping up as the mutilations would happen. And then they said that afterwards they would. Nothing would really grow in the areas where the little like crop circles happen. And they didn't look like.

[Ed Larson]

Well, no, it grew back better. They said.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah, some of them did. Yeah. It was like this weird thing. It had a weird phenomenon inside of these circles.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

But it's a. I, I don't know. I think that there is a lot of mysterious stuff. I think that when they do imagine there's a world where one strain of the UFO phenomenon is a physical alien that is here that does not operate on the same rules as our galaxies and our. On our. Literally our galaxy and definitely our society. And that what they do is what they view as research. Like what if they're looking at us through a prism of their world? So there's things that they don't understand about what we do, why we do them and what our things are. And that instead of a direct, oh, we're experimenting on these cattle. That's why we're doing. It's just that's their version of either like that's what appears to us after they're done with whatever the hell it is that they're doing this is all saying that this is true.

[Ed Larson]

Why is it only cows and not horses and stuff?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Don't know.

[Ed Larson]

Why is they're not taking dogs and I'm taking pigs.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

No, it's very interesting. We don't.

[Ed Larson]

They're not finding people like this either.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

They do.

[Ed Larson]

Not with no dicks and no blood in their bodies.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I mean, not in this economy. But later on, like, you can find out. It's more. They get scooped. People get scoop marks taken out. They get implants putting in. They get. People have had their babies sucked out of them, they said, or they showed up miraculously pregnant and they got babies kind of removed from them. Good thing that happens. They get their titties suck. They get their buttholes reamed.

[Ed Larson]

Okay.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Quite often. A lot of times they'll have a filament shoved up their penis through your urethra to make them come. And they get super hard to the point where it hurts, and they come against their will.

[Ed Larson]

Do you find that to be assault?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yes.

[Ed Larson]

Well, isn't it science if an alien's doing it?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Well, ask the 43 macaques that fucking escaped from the research facility that we just talked about. These fucking monkeys. I have the same thing.

[Ed Larson]

Before we get into the monkeys, I have more questions from Alien investigation. Alien, sure. There was a battle in Brazil.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Well, the Caloris UFO flap that happened.

[Ed Larson]

In the ocean and started shooting people with laser beams.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

They did. They do have USOs. This is a very specific style of UFO that we don't really see in any other country besides Brazil, which is the aggressive ufo.

[Ed Larson]

They're saying they're in the fucking Gulf of Mexico and off the coast of California as well.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Oh, yeah, that's where we see them pop up. But they don't zap us. They only zap the South Americans. We cover this in The. The dangerous UFOs of Brazil episode that we did in 2020. But they talked a lot of this. A. It's an aggressive form of UFO phenomena that attacks people. And we don't know why it is specifically only to Brazil, but there has been lots and lots of stories. It does remind one of these stories of the fairy folk and the very. And the people that take like. And would steal people and move. Because, like, there was the famous story of someone that got pulled up by one of these and dropped and then another one got zapped by one of them. And then we got gassed by one of them.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. And so if. If this is happening and they're in the water, are we going to look for them, or we just. There's no funding for that. Like, are there submarines? Like, looking for the.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

There's a.

[Ed Larson]

Much underground.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I don't think you understand, Eddie, what's going on in our country right now and how we can't focus on this story is because. Do you know that they're turning little boys into girls in kindergarten?

[Ed Larson]

In kindergarten?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

On purpose?

[Ed Larson]

Well, yes.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Girl boys go into kindergarten. They do surgery on their little penises, and they turn them into innies. They turn them into pussies.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

All right, so that they go vote for Kamala. And that's what we have to work on right now versus your petty little. Oh, there's UFOs in the ocean. And what.

[Ed Larson]

I'm just curious. What do we want to know? Do we know? Do you think we actually know?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I actually think that what we're seeing is the main issue is that the uso. The Unidentified Submerged Object.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Not. Not the. The USO that I know.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

And no, no, no. Not the real one is that the USOs are. Where we think this comes from. There is a. If there is a physical version of the UFO phenomena that is based on the planet Earth. So let's say that's another stripe of it, I believe, with the phenomena, that it's all of it. Right. Let's just say you could say all. It could be any of it. And so one of the theories is that there is a base on Earth that shoots these things out, and one of them says it's like in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, essentially, in that they pop up, which is what we see. There was a recent piece of footage that I want to say was on one of the Investigate Aliens episodes I haven't gotten to yet, where you see this amorphous blob that looks sort of like a physical flare leave the water. It pops up out of the water, hovers, and goes back in and plays around with it like it's a dolphin. Very interesting.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

And there's a lot of people talk about these coming up from the top. Yeah. 80% of the oceans remain unexplored. Of course, we don't know. Yeah. It's most of the world, but that is the kind of the.

[Ed Larson]

Can we stop looking at the Titanic for two seconds?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

And you got to make sure it's there, Eddie.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah. It's not going anywhere.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Make sure that it is continuing to be there.

[Ed Larson]

They're. The aliens are next to Hawaii.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

You don't.

[Ed Larson]

Everyone do themselves a favor and go find the aliens, hang out in Hawaii while you're doing it.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Dude, we got to. James Cameron is right now at the Titanic.

[Ed Larson]

What is his problem?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I think he's taking zooms from there.

[Ed Larson]

He's like taking breakfast.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Avatars are stupid.

[Ed Larson]

They are stupid.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

They are stupid.

[Ed Larson]

I really hate those movies.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Avatar 5 is gonna.

[Ed Larson]

I just remember how bad Avatar 2 was. I can't believe he stole from himself. Like, every movie that he's ever done was in Avatar 2.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I hated Avatar 2. I hated it so much.

[Ed Larson]

Would you think it's Avatar? Can we say that yet?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Hey, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Avatar's okay.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I think that. You know what? In 2024. Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Larson]

We're back.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Right? We're back in that.

[Ed Larson]

We're back in that.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

You can say that. Yeah, you could say that.

[Ed Larson]

Thank you.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah. Because it's. What else would it be?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. And you know what? If you write in and say, I can't say that, it doesn't matter because Henry's my boss.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yep. I guess. Who's my boss? Nobody.

[Ed Larson]

Nobody.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Guess who's nobody there. I can't blame anybody. It's just me.

[Ed Larson]

Well, if you want to hear great stuff like this, come to the show. November 23rd, we got a big show at the. In Hump up in Humboldt.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Come on.

[Ed Larson]

At the Mateo Community Center. We're still selling tickets. We got Billy. Wayne Davis is hosting. He's gonna do a big fat set.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Dude.

[Ed Larson]

And then we're gonna come do a full side stories and then hang out with Billy afterwards.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Oh, yeah, buddy.

[Ed Larson]

And then we're gonna. We're gonna hit up that town. We're gonna paint it green, paint it brown. I'm a. I'm gonna be a new man. I'm gonna be so happy when I'm up there. I've always wanted to see the big trees.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I've never seen the big trees.

[Ed Larson]

I want to see the big trees so bad. And then on December 21st, class united. Out. Christmas, baby.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Go. Come out. We're gonna have a really, really good times at the Masonic Lodge here in Los Angeles. We're gonna have.

[Ed Larson]

Tickets are on sale today.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

We. Yes. And they are. We're having a lot of different variety acts in there.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

It's not just comedy.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. We're gonna have a lot of people from the network, and then we're gonna have some interesting acts as well. It's gonna be a great show. Make sure you check it out. And of course, we got our whole new tour for last podcast on the left.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

We got a bunch. Come and see the New York show.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, that's.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

We got that. Please come down. That's gonna be fun. And then a lot of tickets, but.

[Ed Larson]

And then the one. I've never. You know, I've never been to Atlanta. I've only been to Atlanta once for a Tom Petty concert, and I showed up, almost got arrested, and then went right back to Tallahassee.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

You're gonna have a great time.

[Ed Larson]

And so. I can't. I've never been to Atlanta. I'm very excited. We're gonna eat. Good town. Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

We're gonna eat.

[Ed Larson]

Are we gonna go to the Varsity? Because that's what people tell me.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

No, no, no.

[Ed Larson]

They have better hot dogs somewhere.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

We're not getting hot dogs.

[Ed Larson]

They're not gonna hot dogs.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

No, absolutely.

[Ed Larson]

In Atlanta.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Nope.

[Ed Larson]

What are we getting? Peanuts?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

No.

[Ed Larson]

What do you mean?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

We're gonna get real food.

[Ed Larson]

Like what?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Good stuff. I got a whole list.

[Ed Larson]

You're being mysterious.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I am. I'm. Check. Let me show you around. There's a lot of stuff to get. I might take you to Holman and Finch just to get some parts.

[Ed Larson]

Ooh, what's that?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Holman and Finch is one of my favorite restaurants in the country.

[Ed Larson]

What are the parts?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

All sorts of innards. Oh, really? Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

You know, I like my middle meats.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah, we'll get some innards.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, yeah, we got a lot of. Now that we can't trust Boar's head anymore.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

No, Boar said out.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. As far as liverwurst goes anyway.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

But you know what's on the menu?

[Ed Larson]

Monkey macaque. Macaque.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

My cock is on the menu.

[Ed Larson]

That's right. That's what that stripper is going to say at Tootsie's birthday party. She's biting my cock.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

That'd be huge. That'd be amazing.

[Ed Larson]

As long as her horn doesn't touch it.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Fly from your grave. If you're worried about the safety of your home and family, there's no better time to act. I like to arrest people before they do the crimes, especially in my neighborhood. But right now, my listeners can get 60% off today just by visiting simply safe.com lp you don't need to be your own police officer. You can get Simplisafe. Simplisafe is a new way to protect your home that stops intruders before they break into your home. Old school systems only take action once somebody's already inside your home. That's too late. They've already set fire to your family. All right. Simplisafe's Active Guard Outdoor Protection changes the game by preventing crime before it even happens. I love Simplisafe because I love Simplisafe. And if you have a problem with that, then you have a problem with Simplisafe. And you know what that means. You have a problem with yourself.

[Ed Larson]

Okay.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Simplisafe is offering my listeners exclusive early access to their Black Friday sale this week. Only you can get 60% off any new system with a select professional monitoring plan. This is their best offer of the year. Head to SimpliSafe.com LPOTL that's SimpliSafe.com LPOTl there's no safe like Simplisafe. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. I want to thank my beautiful wife for every day coming to the plate, knowing that she will kiss me on the forehead, whether I'm crying or yelling. But it can't always be like that. Sometimes you gotta talk to an expert because this month is all about gratitude. Me love me friends. Me love me life. All right. But sometimes it's hard to remind ourselves that we are trying our best to make sense of everything. And in this crazy world, that isn't easy. So here's a reminder to send some thanks to the people in your life, including yourself. That's my thing. I mostly like to thank myself at Thanksgiving because I did a lot of the cooking. Give better help a try. Let the gratitude flow with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com lastpot today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H E L p.com/last pod Everyone loves a good deal, right? Yep. So when Mint Mobile said it was easy to get wireless for $15 a month with the purchase of a three a month plan, we had to call them on it. I called my deal lawyer and he was busy in the day. I actually had his assistant. Man, Turns out it really is that easy to get wireless for $15 a month. Yep. The longest part of the process is the time you spend on hold waiting to break up with your old provider. I say ghost them all. Plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. Go, go, go, go, go. Right. I love Mint Mobile. It's cheap. I love Ryan Reynolds. Handsome as a devil himself. He slings these phones faster than anybody I've ever seen sl since Naomi Campbell threw her phone at her assistant. But I'll say, these Mint mobiles are just absolutely Dino might. To steal another catchphrase, you're going to love your Mint mobile. Because I'll tell you what. We all hate Cinnamon Mobile, that's for certain. I'm keeping that one. We're keeping that one. To get this customer offer and your new 3 month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month go to mint mobile.com lpotl that's mintmobile.com lpotl cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mint mobile.com lpotl $45 upfront payment required equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first 3 month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. C Mint Mobile for details. Now this is a pretty slow week because there was a thing called an erection. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Thank you, Eddie.

[Ed Larson]

I got an erection.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

He did.

[Ed Larson]

And you're just this week only.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

And we had to make sure his wife showed up. We had to call her in. She was in Ohio.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. You know it's good is because he won there won't be any insurrectal dysfunction. Insurrectile dysfunction. Does that pun work as a going after the capitol building? Insurrectile dysfunction, Eddie.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I'm so tired. I couldn't care less.

[Ed Larson]

You couldn't care less. That is a good pun.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah, I could.

[Ed Larson]

If you think that's a good pun, I want you to write in at brighter side. The brighter side. LPN gmail.com.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

So this is a story about freedom.

[Ed Larson]

Amen baby.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

And the thing is is that yeah, people are upset now, but you're going to be upset a lot. Monkey see, monkey go baby out there. Dog. This is in South Carolina, that state.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

They warn residents to lock their doors and windows after more than 40 monkeys escape from a research fac. Now these guys are out there, they're just gone. There's some tick tock videos of these monkeys out there. They left. They are specifically were brought in. This is also one of these weird things that kind of make me sick is because obviously they got to try to find these guys because they're going to be biting people. But they're goofies. They're young, they're cute.

[Ed Larson]

They're cute young ones and they're like.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

6, 7 pounds and they're extremely social and they're supposed to be very friendly. And the whole point of them, I guess they said the reason why they even brought them into be tested upon is it was for. It was for non human primate products and Bioresearch services. Yeah, the Alpha Genesis disorders. That's what they said they were going to be working on.

[Ed Larson]

Alpha Genesis Incorporated. I'm on their website right now. They're primate research specialists. Yeah, look at that. Oh wow.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Look at that. And they said the the U.S. centers for Disease Control and Prevention confirmed in a statement that the monkeys were previously living on Morgan island as free range monkeys. So just living their life, having a nice time and they were brought to the Alpha Genes facility which is sounds really friendly and fun.

[Ed Larson]

Alpha Genesis Incorporated provides the highest quality non human product primate products and bioresearch services worldwide.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

What does that even mean? Is that like giving them like hats and shoes and clothes?

[Ed Larson]

I have no idea. With a client base that extends across North America, Europe and Asia, we are dedicated to providing only the best and most cost effective primate research and development support to the scientific community.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

You know what I don't like in there? The word cost effective. Seems like that. I feel like if I was a monkey I wouldn't want to hear that. Maybe we should certain cutting costs. They said they were supposed to be there to be conditioned, to be around people. Oh. So they got exactly what they wanted. There's now 13 still at large. And these monkeys, they're cute as hell. And Rob did bring up a thing right before is that I will find it interesting to see if there are any cryptid reports from here on out from the forests of South Carolina. Because these macaques are out there causing a lot of, you know, causing a kerfuffle. And people are going to go look and they're going to see a little monkey on there. You got a couple of shots of Ripple and you, you're going to turn into a bigfoot.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, I don't know if they're going to make it through the winter though. You know it gets cold in South Carolina.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

No, they'll die by suicide.

[Ed Larson]

There's a bunch of monkeys that got loose in Davey Florida. And you see people in Florida have seen them a couple times. A couple of my friends where they saw him, I've never seen him. But the rumor is how they got loose was. Well there were two incidents. Hurricane Andrew destroy monkey jungle. And then also they, when they were filming. This is a rumor. I don't know how true this is but I, I love spreading it is when they were filming Tarzan in the 50s they at the end of the movie they just let all the monkeys go tracks. I believe that.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I more than believe that. I think that if, if I, if you were a real ally right now what I do is if you see one of these mas by the highway, drive them down to Florida. Florida.

[Ed Larson]

It's. Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah. Just drive them down to Florida man. Just drop, just drop them out man. Just like. Like just let them go that because. Because guess who deserves it. Florida. Go drop off all of these monkeys.

[Ed Larson]

Anything lives down there.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Everything lives.

[Ed Larson]

That's why all your grandparents are there because they're trying to live.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

They're for some reason. Yeah. So just know that we're all going down there. Just send all the macaques down there. Let them go like there's no reason for them to not.

[Ed Larson]

You gotta feed the python something.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

They gotta enjoy Miami me.

[Ed Larson]

That's right.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

All right. Let him go out there. They're cute as hell if you get one. Yeah. A couple of them. And I'm going to just say this like we. A little bit of an update in the story of Peanut the squirrel is that I did get an insider information from somebody that doesn't want to be revealed that said that essentially they didn't have a bunch of permits and they needed to have which just kind of led to the. It wasn't the only fans Karen thing necessarily that just a side quest for him. They definitely needed more permits for that. But. But you know like I, I as much as it's against every single regulation scoop up that mak take it home because it's 2024 and the rules don't matter.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah man. Free this. You don't want to go back to goddamn.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I mean they're going to bite the living out of you and they're going to eat one of your kids face or bite one of their ears off. But what do you care?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

You know because you like the chaos. Just get the cappuccin put in your else.

[Ed Larson]

I can't believe that they have a place called Alpha Genesis Incorporated in South Carolina. My. My vet father in law veterinarian said that there has never been a squirrel with rabies.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

This is what I was reading about too. They said that apparently it is not I guess impossible for a squirrel to get rabies. Maybe. But there's very little of it.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. He said he's never even heard of it all his years.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I wonder why.

[Ed Larson]

Because they're quick.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Well I mean a lot of things are quick.

[Ed Larson]

Also if you're curious about jobs at Alpha Genesis Incorporated they're. I'm looking at their job opportunities. They're currently hiring a new animal care manager. I wonder why.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I wonder why.

[Ed Larson]

I wonder why. Yeah. Wow.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

You see here right here. Apparently squirt they still they can get raped rabies. But it's very rare. Very very rare. You got to be careful with that.

[Ed Larson]

So, I mean, I don't think these monkeys.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

They're. They're. They're.

[Ed Larson]

I can't just let them be free.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

They are going to be now. You got to go get them. I don't know what they do to these poor guys. But then I did read. Read about too. Is that to get. That is also what's really sad about rabies testing is they do have to kill the animal to do it. Because it's only brain tissue issue. Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

No, they have to find. They have to. They. But why? How come they don't have to kill us to find out if we have rabies?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Because we're going.

[Ed Larson]

Well, apparently once you're already doing that, you're dead.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yes. I mean, no one has survived rabies.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, you can't. Once you show signs of rabies, you're dead.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yes.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Which is cool disease.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

It's kind of metal.

[Ed Larson]

Did you see how they used to give you rabies shots?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah. Super long.

[Ed Larson]

Long right in your stomach.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah. Very bad.

[Ed Larson]

Like a long needle right in your stomach. That's how you did it.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

My mom had to get one. They were horrible. Really? Yes.

[Ed Larson]

Why did she get one?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

She got bit by a do dog as a kid.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, okay. I was gonna say she bit by her father.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

He was just a boomer. Can't be upset with him. Now this is another talk about being upset with the father. This is a story in this day and age I find extremely inspiring. And this guy gets it. Ryan Borgward. The.

[Ed Larson]

What's that?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Missing father of three faked his disappearance in a kayak accident and he fled to Europe.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

This guy is awesome.

[Ed Larson]

I had no idea Uzbekistan was in Europe.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

You know what? I didn't either. We learned stuff every day. We learned stuff every day on the show. So this was on August 12, around 5:32 local time. Deputies initially responded to a missing person's call. They went looking for this guy, Ryan Borgwart. Yeah. And they went to go. His vehicle and trailer were found later parked in the area of Dodge Memorial park. And his last known location was the green lake.

[Ed Larson]

Certainly dodging his family.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah, dude, Miss me with that. And I mean, having responsibilities. Around an hour after the alarm was first raised, authorities found a capsized kayak in the western part of the lake in an area where the water is around 220ft deep. It was that easy. They found his. The fisherman found his fishing rod. His tackle box was found. He found his wallet, his keys, and then they were like, well, he must be dead. Right. During the news conference they realized that on August 24, a team of experienced divers and search dogs were brought in to help look for Barn wart. He has three kids and they could not find anything. But on August 7, Sheriff Podall said he met with his team and they decided the search had to go in a different direction. They were trying to go find the different areas and now they're pretty certain that he is gone because his report. Because that was the thing they delve further. Borgwart had reported his passport missing and obtained a replacement on May 22nd before all of this happened.

[Ed Larson]

Okay, so I mean, but in May 22 to August isn't it's not closed?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Oh yes. Oh yes.

[Ed Larson]

I feel like that's, you know, some of this stuff. I mean like he could be at the bottom of this lake, but he was communicating with a woman in Uzbekistan ahead of his vanishing. And he taken out a $375,000 life insurance policy in January.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

That's what the thing is that it got paid out and then he left town. Well, he left out or somehow he got this money or I think it.

[Ed Larson]

Was for his family.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yes.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. So they have something when he leaves.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I guess he just went. Decided to go be with this Uzbekistan woman. But she's just got to be. She's just got a tight ass karsh and she knows how to suck that clash.

[Ed Larson]

Don't they always want to come here? Isn't it the whole thing?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

You know what happens a lot of times is that what he'll do is he'll lie to the woman saying I'm gonna bring you to America once I get over there to kind of help you and do stuff. And then he gets over there and he goes, well, if I'm hiding from my family, yeah. And then he has a bunch of American money and it's fine.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, interesting. I've heard that Uzbekistan is surprisingly, well, welcoming.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Really?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, like if you go over there, like you'll be walking around and people like come over for dinner. It's a, it's kind of like that.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Really?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, families like welcome you into their houses and stuff.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Sounds lovely.

[Ed Larson]

That's what I've heard. I don't know if it's true or.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Not, but I've never been to. I can't even. I don't to be honest, I'm looking at even on this map that you're showing and I don't know where that is.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Is that the bottom of Europe, People magazine?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Or is that in the Middle East? Is that Europe or the Middle East. Oh my God, we're stupid.

[Ed Larson]

It's Asia. No, it's Europe.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

You're so fucking stupid. Yeah, the two of us are the dumbest fucks.

[Ed Larson]

I'm sorry I haven't learned about Uzbekistan.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

None of us know it's you and me. It's not just you, buddy. I don't know a thing about maps. Yeah, I don't know where stuff is. Then I don't care.

[Ed Larson]

There you go. That's what I've been waiting for. That's what I wanted.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

You know why if I need to know.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Look at up.

[Ed Larson]

I'm gonna go to the bathroom and take a twos. Becca stand.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

That's it.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Hell yeah.

[Ed Larson]

That's a. The sheriff is pleading says, Ryan, if you're viewing this, I plead with you, contact us or contact your family.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

While he's sitting there enjoying his camel milk, being like, I'm not going back to America. I got it all here. I got nothing but aluminum foil mines and. And delicious snars. And then I get sit here with my beautiful one eyed wife that got saved from whatever local skirmish is going on.

[Ed Larson]

I think that they're beautiful over there.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I sure. I hope good. I know they are.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. So this guy, you know, someone who gets it at least.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I want to do this guy's plan. He also lazily faked his own death.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

If he did, now they're like, he could end up dead.

[Ed Larson]

He was on a kayak. He was exercising.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah. But he just like flipped it over and he says oopsie, he got out of there.

[Ed Larson]

I mean, seems like he did a lot of work.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

If he. No, he didn't. If he did do a lot of work, what he would have done is taken what we've done. We talked about this with the Kruger's dorp cult. They did a lot of work. He would take a man of another race. He would strip as much skin off of his face that he could. He would set him on fire inside of the kayak and then push it over the side. Side. That's what you do. There's no corpse. What needs is. What we need here is a corpse.

[Ed Larson]

What if this is like an Elaborate advertisement for Kayak.com Travel Agency?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Hey, you know, take a trip all the way from your family. Like that would be big. Honestly, that'd be huge for kayaks. What a good way to just like. Like a kayak is a key to not be a father anymore.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Side me up.

[Ed Larson]

So my favorite story this week is a labradoodle has helped solve its owner's murder.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

That's what it said. Its owner's murder. I thought it said labradoodle help solve its own murder. No, no, no, no, no. What in the living is this article about? Like what does that even mean?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Texas woman Mandy Rose Reynolds was murdered by a very bad man, prosecutors say. But her very good dog helped her cat catch the killer.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

How'd he do it?

[Ed Larson]

The dog, a labradoodle named Titan, was found at the site in Robinson, Texas where Reynolds body was found. Burned beyond recognition in April of last year. The dog barked frantically at officers and refused to leave the area of the body, but also refused to allow police to capture it. The citizen found the dog at the same spot the next day. Called animal control who were who determined that Titan was micro tripped and belonged to Reynolds. Police went to Reynolds home and discovered that all of the 26 year old's possessions had been removed. They tracked her Honda Accord to Wichita, Kansas where her cousin, 29 year old Derek Dagenault, who knows was arrested after a high speed chase. Investigators determined that he shot Reynolds before burning her body in a plastic container. He was sentenced to life in prison last week. In the keys of this case with a heroic dog named Titan and extraordinarily cooperation between law enforcement agencies in multiple jurisdictions and states. The jury deliberated for around 40 minutes before sentencing him to life. After the trial C said that Dagonaut did to Reynolds, shooting her in the head and driving her body to McLennan county and setting her on fire like a piece of trash was enough to justify the life sentence.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Dude, it's Scooby Doo.

[Ed Larson]

I know. And labradoodles are supposed to be stupid.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

And labradoodles are actually bad for dogs too. They're bad because of the genetic manipulation that they, that they've had over all of these.

[Ed Larson]

The man who invented labradoodle says he regrets it.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah, sure, whatever.

[Ed Larson]

But at the same time, they're cute.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

They are.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. And they're, you know, hyperallergenic.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Well, this is the thing.

[Ed Larson]

So, you know, people want a big dog, but they don't want a poodle. What do you do?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I don't know.

[Ed Larson]

Labradoodle.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Labradoodle. But you go. So the dog refused to be captured and then just took them back to the victim's home.

[Ed Larson]

It just kept going to where the body was burned because apparently, I guess.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

It saw it traumatized.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. And so it kept going to the place where they found the body. And then they found out when they chipped the dog, that it was hers, and then when they went to her apartment, she was missing. And then they put two and two together.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

That's what it is. They couldn't identify the body.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

So the dog identified the body. The dog. Well, the dog didn't solve the crime.

[Ed Larson]

But, no, the dog was a witness. And then he told everybody. Yeah, the dog, Titan, was a good boy.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

That was a good boy. And so he's been sent to be destroyed or.

[Ed Larson]

Actually, I think he's going to be stripping for Tootsie this week.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Whoa. Yes. We got to get him.

[Ed Larson]

We're going to shave him and jerk him off in front of my little girl.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Tootsie, Come on, let Tootsie have a thrill. You think Tootsie gets horny anymore?

[Ed Larson]

I don't think so. But sometimes she, like, gets randy with Rambo a little bit and then, like, jumps on him and like, kind of attacks him a little bit.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

That's disgusting.

[Ed Larson]

And he just sits there and he's like, what is this?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

That's her brother.

[Ed Larson]

I mean, her nephew, probably, if you really want to get into it.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah, sure. But my sister, I still find it disgusting.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. In that way, there's another man who doesn't find stuff like that disgusting. Hey, everybody. Ed here to talk to you about one of my favorite things. And that's sweet, sweet Quince. Ooh, my wardrobe is so comfy now. Oh, Summer. Bye, bye, Summer. You gone. We don't want nothing to do with you no more. I gotta throw out my shorts. I'ma throw my flip flops. You know what? I'm getting some nice linen pants. A long sleeve cozy cashmere sweater. Sweater. Mongolian cashmere, if you were curious. And then you know what you're saying. Eddie, I can't afford mongolian cashmere sweaters. 60 bucks? What are you crazy? 60 bucks for a Mongolian cashmere sweater? Quince is practically giving this stuff away. And you know what? I know what you're thinking. If a Mongolian cashmere sweater is only 60 bucks. Bucks, it must be shady. Nah, nah, dude. Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices along with premium fabrics and finishes. I love my Quince clothes. I'm so comfy in it. And you know what? It looks good. I wear it on stage. I don't care. You know, people. Yeah, I love wearing, you know, non expensive clothes. Clothes. Great. Not expensive clothes that you can wear in front of people and look good. Quint got you Mongolian cashmere sweaters for 60 bucks. Are you nuts? That's 200 easy. If you go to a store Quince man you want to look like a prince. You get that Quints so upgrade your wardrobe with pieces made the last with quints go to quince.com last for free shipping on your order and a 365 day return. That's Q U I N C.com last to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quint.com last look good. You deserve it.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Sisterhood Above All From Frank Herbert's epic universe and from the novel Sisterhood of Dune comes a new HBO original series. Set 10,000 years before the birth of Paul Atreides, this series follows Valya and Tula Harkonnen as they fight for the future of humankind and establish the fabled sect that will become known as the Bene Gesserit. The Reckoning is coming. Coming dude. Prophecy premieres this Sunday at 9pm on Max Boy.

[C]

Texas Pete is a sauce that allows you to sauce like you mean it. It's what people gather around. It's generosity in its simplest form and it's a swagger people have who know what's good each Texas Pete hot sauce is packed with bold balanced flavor. This signature tanginess is what makes it a legendary hot sauce that can be used on just about anything. It's been at the center of dinner table since 1929 and is still heating up today. You're definitely gonna want to try every flavor. The original hot sauce has a famous secret blend of fermented peppers. The hotter hot sauce is three times hotter than the original and not for the faint of heart. Sabor by Texas Pete adds authentic Mexican flavor and their dust dry seasoning matches the flavor of the original hot sauce and a flavorful dry rub. Tell you what, the other day I was having myself good old refried bean burrito and I wanted a little bit of kick to my morning so I myself some chai Texas Pete Sriracha sauce and I smothered those refried beans and that cheese and them eggs and a whole bunch of chai and it started off my day a correct Texas Pete sauce like you mean it. Visit texas pete.com and use a store locator to find Texas Pete products as well as purchase sauces and get recipe inspiration and use the promo code podcast24for20%.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

[e-mail] I've been talking about this for years. It is now it is getting Jackie technically started it on page seven but it continues to go and now it is. It's out there man. Tom Cruise has Sex with whole uncut fish. And I would not be surprised. I know everybody's been joking.

[Ed Larson]

I mean they're gutted.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Well he. Their bellies.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, but they're. They, they're gutted.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

He buys them at. Yeah, they got holes in them to be. And so he does this and a part of the like it's everywhere now. It's now out on the Internet. It's funny now because I, I've been saying it for fun in games and it's fun to do this to. Towards a mega celebrity who can't really even fight all the various whack a mole things that are said about them at all times.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

But with the P D stuff I actually kind of even wonder if this is kind of some of the stuff he has. Cuz they talk about what he has on all of these various hard drives. He has all this, this dirt on everybody. So we'll see if this is one of them. But at first you're like oh you know, what a silly thing. But then you look at it and you're like no, people are selling pictures and this is a guy, one of them, this guy named Hamed Forest 44. And this is in London town.

[Ed Larson]

Well before we go into this story which is perfect for side stories, Tom, I'm gonna go back to the Tom Cruise thing for two seconds. Yes, morally the fish is dead.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

There's no about this isn't moral. This is about morality.

[Ed Larson]

He buys the dead fish.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

This is not about crimes and victims. This is about behavior. It's not illegal, but it's still like.

[Ed Larson]

Frowned upon for sure.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I do think maybe I'm wrong.

[Ed Larson]

Wouldn't he stink?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

No, he washes right after and it's just his dick and balls.

[Ed Larson]

Well doesn't he do it at the grocery store and they find the fish all mangled in the bathroom?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Sometimes he also sometimes does it in his limo and so his limo might smell like it. But I think that he washes. And I think you'd actually be surprised. Really good quality whole uncut fish doesn't have that bad of a smell. And then I, you know, for the most part it is.

[Ed Larson]

I'm sure, I'm sure he gets the best stuff.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

He's getting good stuff, whatever he's getting. And something I think that just columns him. I don't even know if it's sexual. I think that he does it to prove how gay he's not in his own mind that he's so not gay he could have sex with a fish.

[Ed Larson]

Oh okay.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

But that's not how that works either.

[Ed Larson]

If you were to a fish. What fish? Can't say a mammal. Can't say a mammal. I'm gonna.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Salmon.

[Ed Larson]

Salmon.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Just straight up the Pam Anderson A fish.

[Ed Larson]

It is. I mean it's.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Right.

[Ed Larson]

Well it's. It's actually an ugly fish in the face.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

None of them are attractive.

[Ed Larson]

Some fish are more attractive than other fish.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I hate this.

[Ed Larson]

A salmon face is repulsive.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

You really.

[Ed Larson]

And when they swim upstream they. But I mean skin.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I mean this. You really think that there are some. I mean past your character on the show?

[Ed Larson]

I think a large mouth bass is way more attractive than a salmon. Absolutely beautiful fish.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Side stories LP O T l gmail dot com.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Well, all right. Click on this Rob. It says what's the most fish according to X. I know.

[Ed Larson]

Or like a sponge would be a good. Or sea cucumber. That'd be a good.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

What is it showing? Oh, it's just that you got it.

[Ed Larson]

Oh yeah. You got. You got bit for the. Just some dude in the ocean with his shirt off. You know what I funny bit though.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Starfish.

[Ed Larson]

Starfish?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Really?

[Ed Larson]

Jellyfish.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

While salmon's up there.

[Ed Larson]

How is jellyfish?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Because they think that you could ball it up.

[Ed Larson]

Even though so is bass, by the way. But striped bass, not largemouth Striped bass. Yeah, it's a. I guess maybe it's the same thing.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I don't know. I don't think so. Yes. Yeah, probably. All right. So this guy, Mod Ferris, he has a bunch of pictures of it and he was found with it. He was a charity volunteer. Mm. They called it extreme porn. And I call it.

[Ed Larson]

What are you gonna call it?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Noah's porn. Right. This is Noah's porn. Besides having his daughters in there. Right. They showed adults having sex with live animals. A court heard. But how would you know? As a picture, Hamid Faris was sent five sickening bestiality images by his so called friend. Now North Staffordshire justice heard the pictures betrayed a person having intercourse with life animal. They included a fish, chicken, dog and monkey.

[Ed Larson]

The car was told there's five pictures. So one of those animals was featured twice.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Popular now they said that a. He says a friend sent me these and I don't know what. And he thought it was disgusting.

[Ed Larson]

But then he showed everyone else and they told on him.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yes. He said where they were first sent to him. He said this is disgusting. I can't even believe that you would send me a video of a man and a fish. Saved a photo profile. I can't believe that you would do that. Right. He does not remember receiving the images. According to him, you can only assume they were sent by the same person. And they were not downloaded by him. They were sent by someone else. Now, I don't think that it helps, but the fact that there are. You know what? It wasn't for so long. Everyone's like, oh, no one's having sex with fish. No one's having sex with fish. They definitely are.

[Ed Larson]

Well, we saw that woman having sex with the fish.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yes.

[Ed Larson]

In Australia.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yes, we did.

[Ed Larson]

If you had. We saw that. Does that mean we are in trouble?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

We definitely.

[Ed Larson]

We emailed it to each other. Is that not worse?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

No, it was on the news. No, it was on the news, but.

[Ed Larson]

Still, what if this was on the news?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Then there wouldn't be. If pictures were on the news, then it wouldn't be bad. We just want. We did all this research of the West Memphis three and old shows of these horribly mutilated corpses. These little boys, man, they really show.

[Ed Larson]

The pictures of those boys.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah. So they really do. So, yeah, I think we can handle maybe someone having their dick inside of a fish. I think that we could maybe handle someone's getting their eaten out by a fish.

[Ed Larson]

I'd rather someone. A fish than a person against its will.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah. When you added the caveat. Yeah, yeah. When you finally said the thing that made it not a disturbing sentence. I can agree with you. Sure. But no. Yeah, up until then, I still prefer watching a you minute.

[Ed Larson]

What is this picture, Rob?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

That's a carp. It's a carp.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, it's a carp's vagina or carp's mouth.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Oh, it's his mouth. Yeah, I guess. Yeah. You could really. You can really go to town on that one. You can be a real.

[Ed Larson]

No teeth in there, huh?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

No, man, you could. No, they're pulled back. You can be real Dennis Rodman on that thing.

[Ed Larson]

No teeth.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah, you could slippity slam that thing. Teach it a lesson or two.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, carp, smart fish.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Not if it finds out that it's mouth super. Then it's gonna be dead. It's gonna be a dead smart fish. Unless it's gonna be a rich. Well, it's more. The reason why I even wanted to talk about this story is just the.

[Ed Larson]

Fact that we haven't talked about humans fucking animals in a minute. At least a month.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

And I just think that with the current election season, we're allowed. Yeah, I think we can come back and talk a little bit, but it's more.

[Ed Larson]

This is the news that we got this week.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

This is the news we received this week. I just think that it's more common than we thought it was and that people taking pictures of them fucking them fucking the fish is like way more common than we thought it was. But is it weird to see, say this might get me in trouble.

[Ed Larson]

Sure.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

But for some reason in my mind when I'm thinking bestiality, like if you're fucking a fish, Rob, don't look at me when you're fucking a fish. Like is it really for pleasure how.

[Ed Larson]

Ugly a salmon is? Oh God, tell me that's not a fucking hideous.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I'm just so happy that it was just a fish.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I didn't know what you were going to look up but for some reason for me when it's man on fish, it doesn't feel like bcl, but I know it is.

[Ed Larson]

It is.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah, but it doesn't feel like it.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, is it because they're cold blooded?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

We think there's something about a fish that's like way less relatable.

[Ed Larson]

Oh yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I mean like a big fish, you.

[Ed Larson]

Can'T really talk to them.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Well no. And they don't know that you're there. Really. And I don't think that a fish gets side stories. LPOTL gmail.com. does a fish get traumatized if you its mouth?

[Ed Larson]

You can train fish to suck dick. No, I mean to take treats.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

To suck dick.

[Ed Larson]

I mean. All right here.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah, anything can take treats. They're small. Can it take a dick in its mouth? Look at this and survive.

[Ed Larson]

All right, look at this video I got here. And you tell me if a fish could take, take. I just almost made the stream but this guy here, he just feeds these catfish with a spoon and they just come and they find him and they love him. Yeah, but he easily could just put his dick in one of these fish's mouths.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah, but they'll start chewing off it. He's not gonna. It's not gonna be. He's training them to clamp down on. I don't think it's gonna be super.

[Ed Larson]

He's surrounded by these things and he's like petting them like they're dogs.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

It's really weird. Yeah, that is strange. He definitely has a full on. Why is he feeding catfish with the spoon?

[Ed Larson]

Well, cuz he used to be a fisherman but he was bad at it and so now he just feeds them.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

So how he just makes them congregate. I used to be a fisherman but now I'm just a fish party promoter. Yeah, that's all I do.

[Ed Larson]

He's a friend of the fish. He strokes him. He grabs him.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Oh, yeah. He's hugging them. They don't know they're being hugged. They're thrashing around. I fish don't know what's happening, man.

[Ed Larson]

Look, he's kid. He kissed it.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

He kissed it.

[Ed Larson]

He kissed it on the mouth.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I'm done with.

[Ed Larson]

He kissed. I told you.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

He is grooming these fish. This is where this begins. Yeah, this is where this begins. This is catfish grooming. These fish are getting catfish. They don't understand that they're gonna all be raped by this man.

[Ed Larson]

Rob, you found him. I wasn't even. How did you find that?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Spoon feeding a catfish.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

This man is literally grooming the fish.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, he loves them.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah. He's like fucking God. What's his name from Penn State?

[Ed Larson]

Jerry Sandusky. Yes, he's Jerry Fisher. These aren't poor fisher, fishy.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Jerry Sanfishky.

[Ed Larson]

This is the show now, folks.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

This is what we're doing now. This is the longest coverage we've done on a story all day. This is it. It's not gonna always be like this.

[Ed Larson]

We're talking about people start killing their families again.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

These are issues.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

They're gonna get. We're gonna have a family.

[Ed Larson]

Everyone's. All of the horrible people had a great week. They didn't kill their families this week.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

They were. So, yeah, the horrible people.

[Ed Larson]

They'll be killing families again and everything will be fine.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

The horror. People were too busy celebrating last week to make news for this week. Yeah. They've got to be back. They're going to be back and they're going to. We're going to have it all be horrible again. And it's already been. It's already been. We didn't talk about the man accused of attempting to use a weapon of mass destruction to destroy Nashville energy facility. But that was just because he didn't get it.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

And you know, we all hate a failure.

[Ed Larson]

Everyone's got a plan.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Everybody's got a plan.

[Ed Larson]

The follow through makes the news.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

He was trying to blow up a bunch of. This guy, Skyler Philippi. A real skibidi toilet fucking moron. Broccoli headed piece of zoomer.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, he's a young man.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Oh, yeah. He went out there and he wanted to attack a bunch of Nashville substations using drones with the explosives attached to him. But again, much like most of most, some of the people in his generation he it up.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

And so he did not do it. Well, he's arrested he's gonna go to jail forever.

[Ed Larson]

How about speaking of young people having, you know, weird things happening to them. Matte hell accidentally puts a porn website on the Barbie packaging for the Wicked.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

These guys movie deserve whatever happens to them. They put this Wicked movie can suck my dick.

[Ed Larson]

I'm actually very excited to see it.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Good, I'm glad you want to see it.

[Ed Larson]

Why would you not want to see it?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Come. I love it. Have you listened to Wicked?

[Ed Larson]

I have never heard it. No, I've never seen it Live sucks. People love it.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah, sure. People love Donald Trump.

[Ed Larson]

Man. I went and saw Back to the Future the musical this week. That was really bad. Y bet it was really bad.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

All of these music. None of these good. I don't.

[Ed Larson]

There's no reason to make. At least Wicked is an original.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I'm being grumpy today. I'm being grumpy. It's fine. It's just not for me. And also Ariana Grande sucks.

[Ed Larson]

Boca's own. She's a bokeh alum. She bokeh. I love you, Ariana Socks. Yeah, I like Erivo. She's great.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Is that her real name?

[Ed Larson]

The. The Wicked Witch?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

She's a great actor.

[Ed Larson]

She's great.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

She is great. We'll see how that goes. But yeah, they are accidentally put Wicked.com and for those of us from the 90s into the early 2000s, we know Wicked.com is has nothing to do with the movie. Wicked Movie.com is what they were supposed to do, but Instead they put wicked.com on a bunch of boxes for Mattel and it just sound like it. It just took them all to the straight up crazy hardcore porn and they should actually deal with it. At least they didn't go to evil.

[Ed Larson]

Angel.Com wicked.com real quick.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah, I mean I want to see.

[Ed Larson]

What the I see. Want to see what the kids are looking at these days.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Whoa. Do they take it down? Oh, no good. That's the work. The work firewall saying why? Why?

[Ed Larson]

All right. Yeah, you're right.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yep.

[Ed Larson]

See, there's no titties though.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

No, there's no titties on this front.

[Ed Larson]

There's no. There's nothing there. It's just an advertisement for porn. They didn't actually go straight to porn.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

These people actually, you know what they.

[Ed Larson]

Sell porn you can't buy.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

It's not even that bad.

[Ed Larson]

It's not even that bad. Bad.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

This is really not even that bad of a website.

[Ed Larson]

You have to buy it in order to see it.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

It's more just the Terminology that they would have to have their parents explain. Like just the tip and where the. Where the. Where my is. It's in the back. They have this other thing called the home. Yeah. The Hunger Games or whatever. Where it's like. Yeah, Fantasia. They don't know what this is.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, yeah. Why is she the talk of the town?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Because she gapes. But the kids don't know that.

[Ed Larson]

They don't put that on the COVID Sunny gold melons.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah. They love curves. So do a lot of people. The circles, curves and apples. Curve.

[Ed Larson]

This doesn't. This site doesn't show anything worse than a JC Penny cattle.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

It really doesn't. I've jerked off the JCPenney catalogs dirtier than this.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Physically dirtier.

[Ed Larson]

Well, when you start doing the collage work yourself and gluing the breasts from, you know, you take them from somewhere else.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I like to make a woman. I don't like her. Feed them and use the other woman. Feed them and cut her feet. Feet off. I'm gonna put the other woman's feet on. I hate her head. I'm gonna cut her head off. Put a new head on there.

[Ed Larson]

I think this is good. If people should be paying for porn.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I do believe that as well.

[Ed Larson]

I think they should. You know, if you're gonna watch it, obviously you don't want to, you know, get caught with your credit card receipts or whatever.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

What does it matter? Yeah, but the matter if you got caught with your credit card receipt to do a fucking legit porn site.

[Ed Larson]

It's. It's. I feel like it's better if you can buy it. You know, it's safer for the. For the actors.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

And the more private goes, the more I'll be able to be hidden from the various Project 20, 25 stuff that's going to happen.

[Ed Larson]

Are they really going to get rid of porn? They love porn.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

They'll try.

[Ed Larson]

You think so?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

They're not allowed.

[Ed Larson]

Donald Trump don't watch porn.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

He can't. He doesn't maintain an erection anymore, I would say.

[Ed Larson]

Doesn't mean he don't stare at it.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

No, I think that they. They would try. I think they're going to try, but we'll see because they just don't understand that it's in the plan. Now we're just looking at pornography.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Now. Now this is.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

No. Yeah. Rob is just looking.

[Ed Larson]

When you google wick wicked.com search it with the safe search off. Then you see fake breasts.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I will say I do like a nice, mature woman and then lead with them.

[Ed Larson]

You certainly aren't youngsters.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Oh, that could be Rob's algorithm.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, this could be it. I don't know.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

It's probably. It is quite possibly. Yeah. Well, we shall see, Edward. Yeah, we shall see. Will the nation continue to masturbate? Yes. But will they do it on the solemn watch fly of their Mac Scream? Yes.

[Ed Larson]

Real quick as quick shout out to Havalir the. The beluga. Remember we talked about him on the show not too long ago? Because he died. He choked down a stick and he died.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yep.

[Ed Larson]

Because he was a spy from Russia. And then he ate a stick and everyone liked him and he died. We just got a doc, so congrats. I can't wait to watch your doc.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

We'll see. I'm very excited. It's, you know, it's one of those. Yeah. Hopefully it really does reveal all of their sexual allegations. I don't know what else they're really gonna go at. I don't know what. I don't know what we're coming for on Haval de mayors. Have Voldemort gonna get canceled.

[Ed Larson]

It doesn't matter. He's already a Russian spy and people like him, so I don't think he can get canceled.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

People love Russian spies. We love them. We just. They are. They're fun.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. We just elected one to be president.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

They're sexy. You know you like it. Oh. Secrets of the spy Whale.

[Ed Larson]

Yep. Well, can't wait.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I don't know what his secrets are. He's a whale. So I don't really know what he's gonna. Was gonna say in the first place. And what he even knew. And he choked on a stick.

[Ed Larson]

I can't wait to watch it.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

No.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I can't wait to watch. I like all different characters of Wills. So go and check us out. We got it. You know, live every day knowing that you never knew what was coming anyway. Huh? Right. You love that for yourself. And you'll laugh your way all the way to the nut house of the fucking emergency room. That's the only thing you can do.

[Ed Larson]

It is great. This has been a perfect, perfect, flawless episode.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Perfect episode.

[Ed Larson]

We'll be back. Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

We have more of these episodes.

[Ed Larson]

There'll be. There'll be. Yeah, there'll be. Something will happen this week.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Oh, no. We're a bunch of stuff. We technically still talked about a lot of stuff.

[Ed Larson]

No, I mean, this was news.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

And we pulled it from news sites, people.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

We. We did our research.

[Ed Larson]

I read the article. I was. I'm on newser.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah, we saw Stuff we could talk about nothing. But we. You didn't. Because we're good. You can go to last podcast left dot com. See us live, please. We have so many fun shows coming up and we are really, honestly, we're having so much fucking fun. And they're all great. So go check that out.

[Ed Larson]

Yes. We're coming to the Wiltern last week. We are coming to Brooklyn. It's still on the website. We're coming. We're coming to Brooklyn on December 7th at Kings Theater Atlanta on January 11th, the Coca Cola Roxy. We are coming to Grand Prairie, Texas. That's Dallas at the Texas Trust CU Theater on February 22nd. March 14th, we are coming for you Nashville at the Ryman Auditorium.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Can't wait.

[Ed Larson]

I can't wait for that. We should really. I'm telling you now, I want to do an Oxville show attached to that.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

But we were going to work on it.

[Ed Larson]

Let's work on it, please. If you were in the Knoxville area with a big theater, you let us know. Detroit, Michigan, the Masonic. April 18th, 18th. Two days before 420.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah, we're gonna be there. We're gonna have a lot of fun.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

And so we are gonna have a. Just know. We'll probably bring our own weed to Detroit.

[Ed Larson]

Don't they sell it, smoke it?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Oh, yeah. But it's kind of, you know, we'll get there. They gotta get there.

[Ed Larson]

I got a feeling Detroit's got some cush. You know who. We can buy someone. Toronto's got good weed and we're gonna be there on May 3rd.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

It definitely is fine. If someone could please tell me where's the good ups? Detroit.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Side story.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

ZPOTL gmail.com. because I went to one dispensary and I wasn't super jazed.

[Ed Larson]

In Detroit.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, really?

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I walked there?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

At a 45 minute walk from downtown. You.

[Ed Larson]

Well, that's why you weren't super jazzed.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

No, it was great. Once I got there, I'll tell you what, people were shockingly friendly. Like, I was walking down the street, I was in the middle of nowhere and I started realizing, oh, I shouldn't be doing this, maybe. And there was a barren field and there was a bush. And I mean this. There was a bush and a barren field. Hold on.

[Ed Larson]

Barren and bush together.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

And there was a man cartoonishly crouched behind the bush as if he was hiding. Okay. And he was there the whole time. And then as I got close to him, he popped up and went, hi. And I just waved at him and just Went right back behind the bush.

[Ed Larson]

Detroit.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Nice guy. Woman spit all over near like she did a kind of vomit spit in front of me from a wheelchair. She went. She went.

[Ed Larson]

I'm sorry. All right. Polite. Yeah, it's better than Seattle.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Honestly. It's extremely nice, man. I mean, Detroit's in an incredible city of love and strength.

[Ed Larson]

Men free the Robocop statue. They built a robocop statue? They funded a robocop? Yeah.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

I thought it was up.

[Ed Larson]

No, they didn't. They were gonna put it in front of the science museum and then at the last minute they're like, no, it's just sitting in a warehouse somewhere.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Seriously?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. It fucking freed the statue, man.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

It's got to go out someplace.

[Ed Larson]

That fucking awesome 11ft tall RoboCop statue is just sitting somewhere, man, waiting for.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

We gotta go see that.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Oh, we go look at it.

[Ed Larson]

I know. Put it at the Masonic.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah, that'd be cool. Yeah. Someone got access to that, let us know. Go to LB on TV on Twitch. Twitch tv. LPNTV goes to the Twitches where there's a lot of stuff on there. Everything that is on there live then goes onto our YouTube page. Go and watch it there. Next week we have good put is coming back for Thanksgiving special.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, very nice. Very hoopa goo goo this week, baby. Thursday night live on Twitch on the LPN Twitch channel. It's gonna be 6pm Pacific, 9pm Eastern. Amber and I will go against contestant A and contestant B and be judged by the great honorable magistrate Schaefer. Oh, yes. And hail the Great lD. Our leader.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yes. Yes. Hail him.

[Ed Larson]

Yes. Love you guys. Stay good.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Love you all.

[Ed Larson]

To the brighter side of Hail Satan. Hail Valdemir. You know, hail.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Until find out what the this documentary digs up on him. So be careful who your heroes are.

[Ed Larson]

Well, hail Titan the Labradoodle. Yep, looking for a home, by the way.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Yeah, I'm. I'm hoping they don't immediately kill him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Test them for rabies.

[Andrew Zabrowski]

Toss them in the blender. True crime podcasts. There is no shortage to consume. And if you're like me, you've consumed them all. I'm Ashley Flowers, creator and host of the number one true crime podcast, Crime Junkie. Every Monday, we cover a case in a way that's not like you've heard before, because I have built a one of a kind team of investigative journalists dedicated to conducting original reporting, making sure that you get the inside scoop. Listen to hundreds of crime Junkie episodes now. Wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'M Angie Hicks, co founder of angie. One thing I've learned is that you buy a house, but you make it a home. And for Dallas. Over decades, Angie's helped millions of homeowners hire skilled pros for the projects that matter. Get all your jobs done [e-mail].